#im a mess lmao

[dulcewrites]

We need more Aemond and Bealor 🙏🙏🙏🙏

So this takes place in the future. Baelor would be around 15/16 during this time. I couldn’t decide if I want to do og fcc or the modern universe. So the top part is og and the second part is modern

Can’t Get You Out of My Head

Myrah all but skips into the room with arguably the biggest smile Aemond has ever seen on her face. She lets out a wistful sigh sitting in the chair across from him. Aemond briefly looks at her, then goes back to the pages in his lap. Another restless, breathy sigh hits his ears quickly after.

“What?”

“Nothing,” then she bites her lips and giggles. Aemond sighs, closing his book.

“Myrah…”

“Alright, alright,” she claps her hands. “Since your going to hound me about it.” She leans closer as if to tell him a secret. “I know something about Baelor.”

Aemond blinks slowly in confusion. Myrah huffs, rolling her eyes.

“Have you not noticed?”

Well, obviously not.

“Have you not see how our son is behaving lately? How… off he’s been.”

“To be fair, all of our kids kind of strange.”

Myrah purses her lips, annoyed. Aemond just shrugs in response.

“He has a crush, Aemond. A crush,” she gushes. “It’s been so obvious since Lord Dayne and his family have came to court.”

Aemond’s brows furrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, he gets that same dopely look on his face that you do.”

Aemond really has no idea what she means by that.

“Do you think I should talk to him? Poor thing looked pale when were are all in the garden earlier.”

“I’m his father. I can speak to him about it.”

Myrah’s brows shoot up. “Oh… um ok.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just-,” she stops, shaking her head. “What you even say to him?”

There’s a little bit of a humor in the question. As if Myrah finds the idea of him speaking to Baelor about a crush is laughable.

“What would you even say to him,” Aemond hits back.

Myrah shrugs. “I would give a woman’s perspective on the matter.”

“I’ve been a teen boy. I can speak to him, Myrah.”

She throws her hands in defense. “I’m sure you can my love.”

So, his father never took interest in those things with him or any of his siblings. Alicent tried, the way she always tried. But in the way his mother often fumbled through other avenues of parenthood, there was no definitive talk about things like this when they were Baelor’s age. Frankly, there were far more pressing matters going on when they were his age.

There was something nice about this being possibly being the only problem in his son’s life.

And that he gets to be the one to help him through it.

Tongue Tied

Aemond had spend the first half the evening placating an emotional Myrah.

“He’s going to keep growing up, meet someone, get married, and leave me in the dust,” she sniffled with big fat tears in her eyes.

“It’s just one date.”

“Yeah, but a date leads to dating which leads to meeting someone, getting married, and leaving me in the dust.”

Aemomd tried not to laugh, pulling her into a hug. “Honey, I highly doubt either are thinking about marriage right now.”

She says something muffled into his chest. “Huh?”

Myrah looked up sadly.

“He’s my baby. Our first born, and today he’s in high school going on dates. I remember when he still needed us to change his diapers and now…”

Her bottom lip trembles again.

“He’s still going to need us. Just not to change his diapers.”

“You know what this means? We are… old now.”

Aemond snorts, and kisses her on the forehead. “Speak for yourself babe. I’m still the hottest dad at the peewee soccer matches.”

Myrah lets out a watery laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure you are.”

“I’ll go talk to him, make sure he’s ok. He gets his flare for the dramatics from you.”

Myrah swats him away.

When Aemond finally makes it to Baelor’s room, he finds his son picking at his curls in the mirror.

“Is that a gray hair,” Aemond feigns shock.

Baelor’s brown eyes get wide. “What!”

Aemond laughs, grabbing Baelor’s shoulders to turn him around. “You look fine. Handsome.”

“I think I might throw up,” Baelor murmurs. “Were you nervous on your first date with mom?”

Aemond’s mouth quirks to the side with mirth thinking back to that day.

“Do you have a coat?”

Myrah’s head tilt to the side with a laugh, and she shrugged. “My blazer I normally wear with this is in the cleaners. Everything else I have would clash with my dress.”

The dress was… something. Short and black.

“It’s going to get cold later on.”

“You’ll just give me yours.” It came with a blood red smile.

And when she asked for it later on, he sure as hell gave to her.

“Yeah, but the butterflies are nice. You’ll learn to like them. It means you care.”

Aemond finishes in his pocket, and pulls out the keys. He dangles them, snatching them away last minute before Baelor can grab them.

“You go to the door to get her. Ma’am and sir when you greet her parents. Open the all doors and pull out the chair for her. I want you back home by 11:30,” he puts the keys in Baelor’s hand. “Oh, and please don’t do the Simpson’s impressions if you want a second date.”

Baelor rolls his eyes at the last part, but nods. “Thank you.”

“Go tell your mom bye.”

“Is she going to cry,” he winces.

“More than likely so might as well get the hard part over.”

As he watches Baelor leave his room, Aemond tries not to this about Myrah’s words. He is their baby, and now he’s a young man finding his footing in the world.

His sweet first born.

[thornsnvultures]

I gotta stop reading smut before 9am 😩😩 how am supposed to move on with my day now

𝘧𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 || eddie munson x reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 || eddie's been your dealer-with-benefits for just a few weeks now, but you didn't know that he had another friend to spend time with when you weren't available... a plastic friend that he keeps in one of his drawers.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 || over 3k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 || smut (18+ only, use of a fleshlight, penetrative/rough sex), dom!reader, sub/switch!eddie, slightly service top eddie?, reader is a proud slut, implied drug use, some fluff/feelings at the end, eddie being a sweet lil baby with a crush on his bimbo client

NO SPOILERS for stranger things in here!!! it's just smut with no relation to the plot of the show at all lmao

“Second drawer from the top,” he nodded in the direction he was indicating, and you bit your lip as you crossed the trailer to search for the goods.  

After this many months of getting your supply from Eddie, you knew your way around the place.  And on nights like this, when you were going to get high together, he let you get it out yourself while he prepped the grinder and papers.

“W-wait, not—” he started to correct you, because you were opening the second from the bottom, but it was too late.  You’d already seen it, and you looked over your shoulder with a grin on your face as he started to blush.

“What’s this?” you asked tauntingly, picking up the black plastic fleshlight.

“N-no, don’t touch that,” he warned, “you… you don’t know where that’s been.”

“Oh, I think I do,” you grinned, standing up and starting to walk towards him.  “It’s been around your cock, right?”

He stammered, but didn’t really say anything, as you sauntered towards the couch and admired the beauty of his flustered expression. 

“Is this what you use when I have enough cash to pay for my shit the right way?” you wondered.  But he probably thought the other way was the right way… it started small, jerking him off for a dime bag, letting him feel your tits so he’d share a joint with you.  When you wanted enough to last you a while, you’d suck him off or ride him right here on this couch— or in his van, if you didn’t have time to go down to the trailer park for a deal.  And you could tell he was getting a little clingy, now, wanting more and more of you, offering ‘free’ stuff if he could fuck you again.  

Honestly, he was a good fuck, so there were times that you saved your money and just pretended you didn’t have enough cash to get your dose.  You’d come here tonight with plenty to pay for it properly, but now… now you had new ideas.

“Is this what you fuck when you can’t fuck me, Eddie?” you continued taunting, sitting down beside him and looking at the toy more closely.  “It’s better than just jerking off with your hand, right?”

“Y-yeah,” he admitted, voice cracking.  “Yeah, it’s better.”

“Looks like it feels alright,” you shrugged, playing with the soft plastic end, modeled in the shape of a ‘generic’ vulva… not nearly as beautiful as the real thing.  “Does it feel good when you fuck this, Eddie?”

He choked, but eventually nodded, and watched you slip a finger into the hole to feel the texture.

“Yeah, I can see the appeal,” you decided.  “How do you use it— you put lube on first, right?”

“A-and a condom,” he added.  “Easier to keep it clean…”

“That’s smart,” you smirked.  “You fuck me without a condom, but sure, give the toy some courtesy—”

“I— I would’ve used one if you asked!” he insisted.  “You said we didn’t need it—”

“I’m teasing you, Ed,” you rolled your eyes.  “I just think it’s funny.  You’re so careful with your toy, but so reckless with me… you don’t fuck any other clients raw, do you?”

“N-no,” he answered, “I don’t fuck any other clients at all… I… I actually don’t get laid that often.”

“Really?” you pressed, voice heavy with sarcasm.  “That wasn’t obvious to me already considering you’re a social pariah and came in half a minute when I blew you.”

He swallowed, and you laughed, remembering how sweet it was when he came all over your face in a matter of moments— and started apologizing before he’d even finished.  You promised it was fine— because actually, it was fucking hot— and he finally shut up when he watched you use your fingers to gather his come from your face and start licking it up.  What are you doing? he’d gasped.  Well, I can’t go back out there like this, can I? you’d replied.

“Still, I didn’t think you had this little number to come home to,” you giggled, admiring the piece.  “Does she have a name?”

“I-it’s not a she,” he sighed, “it’s just an it.  Can… can we smoke now, or what?”

“No, I wanna hear more about this first,” you insisted, and he groaned in frustration.  “You didn’t give it a name, but… do you say a name when you’re fucking it?”

Of course, you knew the answer when he looked away quickly.  

“Oh, baby, you can tell me,” you promised as you moved in a little closer.  “Whose name do you say?”

“Y-yours,” he admitted, finally, and you laughed quietly again.

“That’s cute.  You pretend it’s me?”

He nodded.

“Oh,” you smiled, “you must be very good at pretending.  Because this thing isn’t nearly as good as me.”

You heard the way his throat caught on itself, and the way he breathed shakily as you reached forward to start opening his belt and fly.  He lifted his hips to help you pull his jeans down, but you didn’t need to— you just reached into his boxers and pulled his cock out, surprised to find it already hard.

“Shit, Eddie, when’d you get a boner?” you giggled.

“Wh-when you said you were coming over,” he relented as you grinned, stroking him slowly.  

“I’ve got you trained good, huh?” you noticed.  “I told you I was bringing cash.  You still hoped something would happen, right?  But did you think this would happen?”

He shook his head.

“Put a finger in the toy for me, Eddie,” you instructed, and he did as he was told right away.  “It’s not like me, is it?  What does it feel like when you put a finger in me?”

“Feels like…” he breathed, looking down at where your hand was wrapped around his cock.  “Feels like it’ll barely fit.”

“Mm, that’s right,” you agreed.  “This toy isn’t that tight, you can only feel one wall at a time when you put a finger in.  Guess it doesn’t matter when you’ve got this big cock to fill it up, right?”

He grunted through his teeth, and you stroked him a little faster.

“Still, it feels so much better to stretch me out, doesn’t it?  Loosen me up a bit?”

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.  “Yeah, it feels better t-to fuck you.  So much better.”

“And this toy, it can’t get wet for you,” you said like you were just realizing it.  “That’s so sad…”

“You’re always so wet,” he remembered with a little groan.

“Not always, Eddie,” you purred, “just when I’m around you.”

“Oh, god,” he moaned, head falling back on the couch.  You leaned forward and spit down onto the head of his dick, spreading it with your hand so you’d have a smoother go of it, and you felt his cock flex in your palm.  “Fuck, that… feels really good…”

“Yeah?” you encouraged.  “But the toy feels better than jerking off, that’s what you told me.  How about I let you fuck that?”

“O-oh, um,” he stammered, “I— I just wanna fuck you.  Please?  You can ride me if you want.”

You snorted— if you want.  Like it was a favor to you, and not him desperate to the point of begging.  You loved that begging… and unfortunately for him, you wanted more.  Ignoring his request, you took your hand off of him and grabbed the toy with your dominant hand instead— and slipped it down onto his erection.

“Shit,” he hissed, “please— it’s not as good, you know it’s not—”

“But it’s good enough,” you reminded him, your tone getting a little more stern as you moved the toy up and down over his dick.  “It’s good enough for you to fuck this thing, what, a few times a week?”

“More like every night,” he admitted.  “I… I fuck it a lot.  Sometimes more than that.”

“Really getting your money’s worth, huh?” you mocked.  “Tell me, did this cost more or less than it does to give me free drugs so you can fuck me?”

“M-more,” he answered.

“Funny, how my pussy’s so much cheaper but so much more valuable,” you grinned.  “I’ve always been a bit of a cheap whore, Eddie— you probably know that about me.”

“I… I never thought that about you,” he promised.

“You didn’t hear the rumors?” you challenged, raising an eyebrow.

“I did,” he admitted, “but I didn’t believe them…”

“Do you believe them now?” 

You were surprised to see him shake his head.  “You’re so much more than that,” he insisted, and you stuck your bottom lip out a bit.

“Awww, baby,” you cooed, “you’re a bit of a romantic, aren’t you?  Tell me, then— what do you think about when you’re fucking this?  Pretending it’s me and all… what do I say, what do I do?”

“I— I don’t know,” he breathed, and you stopped moving the toy instantly— he tried to move his hips a bit to keep the pace going, but stopped when he caught himself.

“Don’t lie, Eddie,” you warned.  “I like you because you’re honest.  Don’t mess that up.”

He smiled slightly, eyes tinted with hope as he looked at you.  “You like me?”

You rolled your eyes.  “No, I can’t stand the sight of you, that’s why I’m hopping on your dick every other time we meet up,” you answered sarcastically.  “Geez, Eddie, are you stupid or something?”

You heard that whimper, the one he tried to suppress.  “N-no,” he denied half-heartedly.

“Do you get a little stupid for pussy, though?” you wondered, and he forgot to answer when you started moving the toy again— proving your point exactly.

“Ohh god, baby,” he whined, clearly frustrated as his fists held on tightly to the sofa beneath him.  

“You were gonna tell me what you imagine me doing, when you’re fucking your little friend here,” you reminded him.

“I— I think about you getting on top of me,” he began to describe, eyes falling shut— you hoped he was imagining it now— “and kissing me… asking me to fuck you…”

Wow, kissing and then asking for consent.  Doesn’t get much more vanilla than that.  Good thing you found his innocence endearing— well, good thing for him.  Not so good for you, as you were trying to avoid catching feelings.  Normally you liked fucking guys because of the way they looked at you— in awe, amazed.  And Eddie certainly did that, but you actually liked fucking him, you liked how he felt inside you and how he kissed your neck while he warned you that he was close.  You’d told him so yourself, you knew those praises pushed him closer to the edge— but you failed to mention he was the only guy that you liked feeling inside you anymore.

You failed to mention he was the only guy you never faked it with.

“What else?” you prompted.

“And then I fuck you,” he said plainly.

“How?”

“Hard.”

It was your turn to bite your lip.  Good thing his eyes were closed or he would’ve seen how his words were affecting you.  “And what do I do when you fuck me hard, Eddie?”

“You… moan, a lot,” he mumbled.  

“Oh, that’s right— this toy can’t moan for you either, can it?  Wow, you poor thing.  Nobody here to tell you how good you fuck me.”

“God,” he whined through his teeth, and you moved the toy faster and faster over him— watching him thrust up his hips to meet it halfway.  

“It’s such a shitty substitute for me, but you’re still so desperate for it,” you observed.  “Are you always this desperate, baby?”

“Not always,” he breathed, smirking a little, “just when I’m around you.”

Hearing him repeat what you’d said before took you by surprise— and Eddie didn’t surprise you often.  He was pretty predictable.  He surprised you that first time you did something like this, by— bizarrely enough— giving you a hug after you’d given him a handjob.  Guys, overall, tended to react the same way to offers of sexual favors or to seeing your tits and all that, but that was new.  And weird.  But sort of sweet?  Mostly weird though.  He surprised you again by making you come when he fucked you, but that was a much more pleasant surprise.  

Still, overall, you’d gotten the hang of him and his habits pretty quickly.  He liked to kiss your neck, he liked to watch your tits bounce while you were riding him, he held onto your hips and kept you down if you tried to get off too soon… what he didn’t do was hit you with little witty remarks like that one, and totally throw you off your game.  Guess he didn’t get quite as stupid for pussy as you thought.

“You look cute,” you noticed, “fucking your toy for me.  You usually fuck it faster, don’t you?  You don’t like to take your time with it or anything?”

“I usually just wanna come,” he replied, “as fast as possible.”

The thought of him so pent up, fucking his fleshlight as he moaned your name, was… exciting, to say the least.  You wondered if he ever did this while his uncle was home, across the trailer sleeping— did he have to bite his fist to keep quiet?  That was extra exciting.  “Do you wanna come now?” you asked.

“Not like this,” he pleaded, “not— not in the toy, when you’re right there…”

“Yeah, I’m right here,” you grinned, “but what if I wanna see—”

He didn’t even let you finish.  “Fuck, don’t make me come in the toy, please,” he begged.  “You like how I fuck you, right?  I’ll do whatever you like, baby, please…”

That would be a tempting offer if it wasn’t always true.  You simply picked up the pace again, making sure to push the toy all the way down to the base of him each time; he whined and gripped the sofa tighter.

“You can touch me instead, if you want,” you offered with a purr.  “You can feel my tits— go ahead, Eddie, I’ll lift my shirt up for you—”

“No,” he choked out.  There he goes, surprising you again…

“No?”

“No, I’ll come,” he clarified with a grunt.  “If I feel your tits right now, if I even see them, I’ll fucking come— and I don’t wanna come in the toy, I wanna fuck you so bad, please baby—!”

“Shh, don’t get all worked up,” you smiled, “I’m gonna let you come in me, Eddie.  Is that what you want?” 

“Yes!” he shouted, “fuck yes— thank you…”

Oh, that thank you, it tugged at your heart more than you expected.  “You just gotta promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

You smiled proudly.  “I want you to fuck me the way you fuck that toy when I’m not here, okay?”

Pulling the fleshlight off of his cock, you watched it bob in the air helplessly for a second.

“I’m your toy now,” you told him, and he instantly launched forward to capture you in a kiss.

“You’re so much more than that,” he mumbled against your lips after a moment of it, and you resisted the urge to melt into his arms.  He kissed you harder, deeper, needier— and just about when you expected him to pull you onto his lap, he stood up instead.  “Hold onto the back of the couch,” he ordered.  Well, you weren’t one to say no to that.

When you were bent over on your knees, holding the couch diligently, he yanked your shorts and underwear down and instantly speared you onto his cock.  “Fuck!” you shouted, toes curling from the stretch— yes, you were dripping wet, but he was still a lot to take.

“So much better,” he sighed, “fuck, you’re perfect.”

He grabbed your hips and set a ruthless pace— fast and rough, filling you to the brim every time.  This must be the way he fucks the toy, desperate to come above all else… and you loved it.  You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning, even though the force of his thrusts made you feel like the wind was getting knocked out of you.  He moved one hand up from your hips to your shoulder, keeping you from getting too far away so he could go as deep as possible; your eyes rolled back in your head.  “Eddie,” you sobbed.

“Louder,” he demanded.

“Eddie!”

“Fuck, that’s it,” he sighed, “want everyone to hear you… they can all hear you, baby, keep going.”

And you did, screaming his name like you’d forgotten every other word— which wasn’t too far from the truth.  You realized, then, that he really didn’t want you to be his toy.  He just wanted you to be his.

“I’m close,” he groaned, so quiet it was hard to hear him over your own cries, “I’m gonna come inside you…”

“Come in me,” you encouraged, “come for me, Eddie— I’m yours.”

You said it because it was true, not because you knew it was what he wanted to hear.  But, it still made him come in an instant.  He held onto your hips and keeled over as he buried himself deep, giving you every drop and making you feel so beautifully full.  He kept coming for a while, and you hummed happily as he started to catch his breath.  “Fuck,” he panted, resting his forehead on the back of your shoulder, “I came too fast, I-I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s okay, I wanted you to,” you promised.

“But you didn’t,” he sighed.

“Don’t worry about it,” you laughed, “that’s another thing toys can’t do.”

“And that’s another reason why you’re so much better,” he replied, reaching down under you to slip his hand between your legs.  His fingers started to gently circle your clit, just below where he was still inside you.  You whined, and you heard him growl as you tensed up inside.  “See, that— the way you grip me… I wanna feel you come, baby, do you think you still can?”

If anything, your problem was just going to be how easy it was— you’d gotten way too close from just a minute of being fucked like that, it was embarrassing.  Well, it should’ve been embarrassing.  But you weren’t as self-conscious about it as you thought you would be.

His fingers found a pattern, not too much pressure but still plenty, as they rubbed circles on your bud.  You kept whimpering, trying to rock your hips back onto him, but he held you still to keep you from moving too much on his sensitive cock.  “Just stay still, I’m gonna make you come, okay?” he breathed.  

It was all about you, you weren’t really used to that.  Actually, you weren’t at all used to that.  Nobody had ever taken the time to make sure you came… even Eddie just usually made it happen on accident.

“Oh god,” you heard yourself gasp— you were fighting it, though you weren’t sure why.

“That’s it,” he cooed, “that’s my girl.”

Yours.  You came with a gasp of his name, your back arching deeper as he kissed along the line of your shoulder.  He kept showering you in praise, letting you ride it out before he gently pulled you down to lay with him on the couch— careful never to let his cock slip out, keeping you full and warm as you started to relax.

It took you a minute to come back to reality, and you squeezed his hand at the end of where his arm was wrapped around you, holding you tightly against him.

“You’re full of surprises, you know that, Eddie?” you smiled.

“What does that mean?” he chuckled.

Really, though, it wasn’t just that he managed to surprise you from time to time.  It was the way that he made you surprise yourself.  Maybe not all guys were the same, and maybe he was right: maybe you were so much more than what they thought you were.

[moonnight1987]

I just remembered about how I saw a tiktok saying smth about like ur room is ur mind and I looked at my room and was like, I'm a mess lol. But I'm looking at it again and, ig I'm a slightly organized mess. That likes glowy lights.

Idk I just wanted to say what I had in mind

[hinamie]

i fear i can never date a man bc none of them will ever be makoto tachibana

[lmaowh-at]

Lanns n Starks lineups/costumes sketches that I will probably add other houses to. Tywin and Joff & the rest aren't here because I was lazy and Cerseis dress took all of my energy. Don't ask me about inspiration or historical basis for these

[tsubomiiiii]

Full doodle page of these two heheeee

[slavhew]

thinking about how dean's hair got darker and he got paler from skipping missions + how probably the most he smiled was when hank was telling him abt those

[sketchy-tour]

I need him to bury me in affection right now

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.

[crystallizsch]

i’m telling you the snakes are just Little Guys

>:(

also: the uncolored/original version bc i kinda like this one too and yes this outfit is a mix of his overblot outfit and book 7 dream outfit (+ some creative liberties)

[gunsatthaphan]

how it started 😈 // how it ended 💜

[lorelxlz]

school commute in the rainn

[fenningrya]

Some drawings but they get less TF2 related as they go down…

I had a dream that the mercenaries worked at a magic school. This is what I remember the Blu Spy looking like… More art underneath!!

Jesper (white cowboy hat) and the chestnut-colored horse belongs to @medicalmaladiess !!! Barnaby and Jesper are our TF2 OCs. :3

I rewatched Megamind earlier and forgot how fun and silly it is, so I made some doodles. :]

[weevmo]

Seeing Nimrod kinda move for the first time is just - I feel like a proud Papa....watching a really dumb baby bite a pant leg -

[littlerobberboy]

Benny sketch thing I'd love to turn into an actual art piece eventually :)

[everlarkyx]

"Secretly"