#im a good guy you can trust me

[theclo4ked1]

I was sorting through my dirty laundry today and needed some music. Suddenly, memories of my SECOND time on Instagram (yes there was a first but thats not pertinent at the moment) came flooding back to me. Instead of sorting my dirty clothes, I got distracted listening to the past that is the email chain I have with myself. That time on Instagram was during the period in my life when I was just getting into music composition. I used to change my name A LOT too and the one I stuck with, that time, was a persona by the name of Charlotte Tricks (stylized as ch4rl0tt3.tr1ck5), possibly due to a Game Night of Light Fingers with my uncle, sister, and brother. Anyways, since I didn't quite have the footing and style I have today with Deflemask, then, I was using resources (a website in this case) like beepbox.co to make chiptune music, hence why it sounds so basic in comparison to what I've made in 2022 (since I haven't made much since then. too many things burning my creativity i want to leave). For reference, please check out my SoundCloud playlist, PROJECT NINA (c. 2019), songs 7-15. Below are the only three I made when I used the website.

I think I made them specifically to put on my page for Pride Month 2019. beepbox stores user's musical data through a url that's entirely unique for every project because all characters after the hash (#) is raw data that's processed by the website and becomes output place onto the DAW. or something something tehcno-babble i dunno. I'm just surprised the website still stands after four years.

gaypride, made June 1, is just plain, nothing too remarkable about it. Please note my current stances on these old tunes I've created are not reflective of my thoughts on the Gays, Lesbo, and Bicycles, respectively. I feel obligated to make this as clear as I can since some people can misconstrue things and/or get offended easily, and can jump to conclusions that the someone, me in this case, is bigoted.

lesboprideday, made June 2, is where things get more interesting, on a technical level, because the melody is made from a repetitious C major scale arpeggio. But then at the end of the track, part of Nina's theme song (not quite a leitmotif here) is played during the last two measures. Why here? I can't remember, but the reason I would say makes more sense for the next song.

bipride, made June 3, is a song I remember someone positively commenting on the buildup. It's also one I, undeniably, have a bias for, solely for the fact it was just another one of the many versions of Nina's theme song, one with a few names either incorporating "Nina" or "Neko" into it. This one specifically is just that because in her infancy, I initially wrote Nina as a bisexual character, who had a crush on my friend's OC, Cat Woods (please check out their art, it's real good shit btw). Later down the lane, years later, I was like

yknow what, lets make her PANsexual she could love everybody just because she could!

Mind you, I didn't exactly know the full extent of sexuality at the time. It's not just love, it's also wanting to fuck that person, so Nina being panromantic (if that's a thing) would make a lot more sense... interjectory edit 10/7/23: I'm not sure if I can believe if "panromantic" even is a real thing. From what I've read, it's just...basic-ass love (whatever that is) and compassion for your fellow man; man, used in an all-inclusive sense--I shouldn't have to say that. I hope you understood that I didn't just mean literal men, i.e. those with a penis and can create testosterone and semen yada-yada, and I hope you don't believe I'm like "woohoo patriarchy less goooo". Just...please understand that I meant EVERYONE. ...however, Nina's sexuality being anything but straight makes no sense nowadays, so that one story I wrote that's meant to be noncanonical is totally fucked. It also touched on how puberty would work for her (she turns into a giant spider monster with neurotoxic-zombification venom and would return to her former state by midnight unless otherwise events i cannot remember). That story is very much not for kids. Please don't think I'm exclusive of non-white-LGBTQA+-plus-sized-etc. characters because I made Nina straight (also she's not even white wtf). I'm only doing what makes the most sense for the story and, more importantly, her character. Also because I'm older than I was during her conception, I are more smarterer now, okay? I just don't want things to feel forced. There exists no kind of concept of sexuality in the land she lives in, in fact, there ARE no other humans but her, so what's there to love/sex? The Koi fish? The trees? Well, there is that one part in Shattering Jugs...

(Each .GIF and the above image were made on the Piskel website)

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

jesus christ, doc, i thought you were a goner! warn a guy next time, will ya? jesus christ, doc. jesus christ

bonus doodle post-extra-long-hug:

(listen im a sucker for the forehead kisses alright. whenever it happens in a fic i eat that shit UP. it's the cutest thing ever idc)

[al-luviec]

zane + nya parallels

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[stormyrainyday]

stacy's mom but it's me with robin and sebastian

[cupiidzbow]

im adding a new thing to my new carrd im making and i know not everyone reads it when following me so im just gonna post this here in advance before I finish the carrd 😭😭😭

[emloafs]

and what's everyone gonna do when they find out i've got a hawkmetri to all the boys i've loved before au half written in my drafts

what would happen if i said that

[milolovesbmc]

What if Doug and Kayleen Gpi were lesbians. Are you guys ready for this one yet. Am I too early

[sunsetsandsunshine]

AHHHHH HI FINNIE FIN 🥹🫶🏾💝💗💝💘💕💖‼️‼️‼️

Thank you so much for this ask…I actually REALLY needed a hug rn…this week has been stressful 😬…

Again, really appreciate it. I promise to DM you when life isn’t so…hectic ☺️🩷!!! I kinda just need to figure myself out rn

💖🙌🏾‼️

[clerichs-xi]

klaus when he trolls the guy he's protecting/crushing on only to realize his crush really is that out of his depth

[jennicatzies]

Parable Omens or something

Real crossover hours

[ittybittybumblebee]

i want to see exactly how many people actually have thought i am for research because ive gotten this quite a few times from different people i just wanna see how far it goes

[justabunchofdragons]

ok everyone say good night rosie!!! (that's me)

[hecksupremechips]

Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰

[peppermintpegis]

netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w

[nejackdaw]

Thinking about Celann and his ever present grief at the life he could have had, he and his wife and (he always hoped) their daughter. A life where he was a father--he'd hardly ever wanted anything more than that. So full of love he was ready to burst and needed somewhere to put it, wanted a life with his favorite girls.

Thinking about how the ever present desire haunts him no matter how deep he buried it. It keeps coming back, relentlessly, this anguish that he threw it all away. He could have had exactly what he wanted and he was stupid enough to abandon it all, and for what? Because he was upset? But then he always remembers how hollow he felt after the incident, like if you rapped him with a knuckle you'd hear he was just a shell. He forgives himself, then, remembers how wrong everything felt, and he thinks about all the time he spent desperately trying to make everything feel right again.

Remembers when he realized he was the problem, what needed to be fixed. Removed.

He abandoned the life he had and every dream he'd ever held close because he wasn't him anymore. Celann would never have killed anyone, would never have done... that. He was some other Celann, different, trying to make himself fit in the life of a man that no longer existed. And so he left.

And he has no right to ache so badly at the thought of what he gave up, no right to ache at the loss of a family (of two families, but he starts thinking that and breaks every time, so he's gotten good at simply skipping over the thought) when he was a killer--an adept one, a practiced one--that could mangle and maul and kill and do it again and again. What right does he have to still want that happy little dream?

But the dream is a ghost and it haunts him, is there every time he's out on a supply run and sees kids playing around the marketplace, sees women cradling infants and fathers carrying sons on their shoulders. (He reminds himself of the blood on his hands, is scared he might stain them with it if he reaches out to touch them.) It's there when he has a bag and his axe hanging from his hips and finds a girl crying for her mother, lost and separated, jostled by the crowd.

It's there as he calms her, kneeling on wet and gritty stone, hovering between her and the flow of the crowd so they give her space. He lifts her and holds her against his side with one arm and something in him weeps, feels something soft in him as her tiny weight settles and she starts chattering at him about the groceries she and her mother came to buy.

They weave their way through the marketplace as they help each other--she tells him where he can find what he needs, and he silently curses the nords and their height as he tries to peer over shoulders to catch a glimpse of the woman she described--and that cold weight that's usually settled in his chest, his grief and remorse, lightens with every step. She's warm through his sweater and splutters indignantly every time the ever changing wind blows her brown hair into her mouth and he laughs, quiet and warm.

They check places she's already been, in case her mother doubled back looking for her, and take detours so Celann can fumble to place newly acquired groceries in the bag beneath her, unwilling to hold her over the side with his axe and equally unwilling to put her down, awkwardly shifting her weight as she laughs at him. He's silly for buying such expensive things, she tells him, and he light heartedly tells her Skyrim is silly for not having the things he used to use in High Rock. The revelation he hasn't always lived in Skyrim excites her to no end, and the rest of the trip is a Q&A of the sort only a small child can provide.

He feels warm inside, in his chest, where usually he feels vaguely cold at best, and for a moment he's reluctant to relinquish her when they finally find her mother, guided by the sounds of panicked calls of her name. There's a fond sadness as he sets her down on the stones again, and the woman looks at him oddly for a moment before the look turns knowing, though he's sure the conclusion she reached is slightly off.

She quietly asks if her daughter reminds him of her. He stands there silently for a moment, looking down at the little girl as she rifles through the things her mother's found.

He tells her yes.