#im a bit of a mess of a person
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I have the feeling I come across as quite a horrid person.
#im in a stalemate of not wanting to bother others and wanting to know people better.#and also wanting my space#im a bit of a mess of a person#is it possible to give off a bad smell over the internet?#i probably wouldnt like me if I met me#i swear im way better than i used to be mentally#but i still struggle with this#i probably always will
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OK I apologise if you've already commented on this, but what was Laura's reaction to Alucard coming back with Seras? My gut reaction tells me she wouldn't be overly happy about it, but I'm not 100% certain and I figured it would be best to ask you given that you literally created her.
I've made a little comic about it a while back!
That said, Laura is never that simple so
#hellsing#my art#ask response#hellsing oc#my oc#laura chastel#alucard#seras victoria#walter c dornez#IM BACK#and I am in pain (it is currently 2:09 am)#she's such a Creature#Laura is so annoying#bc one day she's 'girls look out for girls' and the next day she's 'I will fucking Kill you if you look at me I do not know you'#absolute mess of a woman#on one hand she was a bit happy she wasn't gonna be the only woman in the organization beside Integra#but also. new person#technically related to Alucard? tiny Alucard?#cause for alarm#yes her and Walter gossip
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alcina dimitrescu KILLS her maids and drinks their blood
karl heisenberg tried to use a BABY as a weapon
ethan winters is WHITE
mother miranda tries to STEAL someones daughter
at the end of the day, your favorite resident evil 8 characters are terrible people
#resident evil village#ethan winters#resident evil#u cannot tell me that ethan actually did something bad#please be fr 😭#ethan winters is a horrible person for killing a family a five!#man come on#open ur eyes… play the game maybe…#i get just not liking ethan#but why come up with a bunch of unreasonable excuses for why he sucks 😭#liek just say u hate him#u dont gotta start babying the lords or demonizing him#hes just a normal guy come on bro#most arguments i see r full of buzzwords tbh#i havent seen anything that has made me think#huh… maybe that is a bit messed up of him…#he is a victim of other peoples consequences#he is forced into situations where he has to fight to survive#idc if people hate ethan… but the second u start pulling stuff outta ur butt…#im sorry i gotta defend my gf#its annoying whenever people complain abt ethan fans goi ng like#‘haha i like him hes a normal guy’#cos waht r u arguing against#he IS a normal guy#he is literally a civillian…?#come on#conpare him to chris or leon who literally work for the government or whatever#its weird to get defenisive over ethan… not being normal…?#just leave him alone😭 bro has 100 hate articles abt him already#again another essay in the tags
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save button briefly remapped to dialog advancer in climactic scene of visual novel. 10 dead 30 injured
#unironically that was so fucking cool. i love video games#remapping your save feature to an advance button at a pivotal moment as a way to raise the stakes... god. genuinely so cool#worth noting that i dont think it was physically possible for you to fail the game after this point which means there was no ACTUAL danger#in messing with the save feature which is absolutely how something like this should be done imo#but. god. trying to save my game before CONFRONTING A MURDERER and instead having that action set off the GUNSHOTS is insane#SO cool. i understand why this game has such a high rating now#AND ITS A FALSE ENDING TOO!!! I STILL HAVE MORE CHAPTERS TO PLAY!!!! YESSSSSS#sorry. i love game design especially when it breaks the 4th wall a little bit im going kind of insane over here#personal
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i dont really miss being hyperfixated on bloodborne tbh like the dopamine and serotonin rush i got from it back in HS was profound and it got me through a tough time but i dont miss how obsessive i got at its peak like id lose sleep and forget to eat cuz i was thinking about Bloodborne i was SO bloodborne pilled i talked abt it all the time
#genuinely i think it altered my personality slightly due to its timing in my development into a person#i will always be a blood obsessed gothic horror nut forever probablyyy#only surpassed by the skyrim obsession i had as a tween. that was even worse#both are still dear to my heart (bloodborne much moreso because its genuinely a good game where skyrim is a bit of a lovable mess)#i worry sometime im contributing to the problem of people calling things they like hyperfixations but then i remember how intense it was#and im like nah it was a legitimate hyperfixation. thousands of hours over multiple years
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(psssst, dragon
what kind of tiger is (more like "was") your guy zira?
not asking for any reason in particular >:))
AWHWAHEHWNAAB
WEEEEEEEE A IM DOING LITTLE FLAPPY HANDS WEEEE-
Ok ok before I get off track on how excited I am- I saw this big old Zira as one of the Siberian Tigers- big old cat from the northern part of china. Imposing and elegant in his stripes. BUT HONESTLY GO FOR IT- BE CREATIVE. HOW DO YOU SEE THIS MAN ?!? HEHEHE.
#DUDE IM SO EXCITED OM SPINNING#WAAAH IM LIKE SO TOUCHED YOU LIKED THE WRITING AND HAVE MADE THE LITTLE BABY FROM IT WEEEE#hcwrites#writing stuff#personal things#ASKS#WAAAAAAAAA#DUDE WEE HEHEHE#UGH I CANT WAIT TO WRITE THE NEXT BIT FOR YA. AAAAAA#OK OK I POST BEFORE I BECOME A SCREAMING MESS
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im trying to write an open job application but im so scared of putting a foot wrong with this that it makes me rethink even wanting to do paid work there bc the position would make me a person of authority within the location should i get the job and the thought of that makes me sick but also thats the only paid job they have. so i am trying to write this application while it feels like im going to humiliate myself forever and ever lol
#doesnt help that yesterday i fumbled a bit and got so embarrassed bc i messed up and now thats been stuck in my head like i couldnt even#help first time visitors needing explaination for something i do regularly. how will i be the supervising person help!!!#anyway im mostly just annoyed at myeslf i just need to write this fucking thing
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WIP-something
I was tagged by @falmerbrook (thanks for explaining to me how this works!)
So here's some stuff that I'm planning to finish/color. My sketches are mostly very messy so sorry about that!
Rasha and Nerevar stuff. I'm trying to design a better outfit for him but the struggle is real. I've also been thinking about how Nerevar probably wouldn't be very happy about having someone as young as Rasha forced to do the whole thing with red mountain and Dagoth. And Rasha struggling with her identity and also never having any parental figure to get support. I love tormenting my ocs I guess.
Also this thing I will color. It's Nora. Holding a baby Seikret. That's it. Also I changed her hair :3
Also some oc stuff as usual. The one with Diphy and Tagetes is actually a redraw of a drawing I made about two years ago. Here it is for comparison. They uh... Really changed huh. Especially Tagetes. My style changed as well. I'm happy about the progress.
Anyway, that's all. I should have something special for tomorrow hopefully. Hehe :3
Also I guess I'm supposed to tag other people now? So uh. I'm tagging @garzzum and @ohhyperbola . I don't know who else so uh. Yeah. But if you don't want to you don't need to :)
#i managed to get most of my personal stuff done#and im doing good i think#so i should be back to drawing a bit more regularly#hopefully. i really want to.#i dont know if i should tag morrowind because i put other stuff here#so i guess i wont#i dont want to make a mess#art#digital art#wip#art wip#work in progress#muscariart#muscariocs#cw blood
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Idk if they have a ship name yet, I've been seeing a lot of Marthberry. But they deserve something more special, I think, which is why I've come up with the ship name SchoolShooting🥰🥰
See, some wholesome family shooting activities for Martha, and then for Mrs. Mayberry you have the school part. It's just so cute, combining two wholesome interests😍😍
#marthberry#ship name#joke post#dont expect me to post aboht this fandom#i just love them specifically#helluva boss#so#you can use my cooler ship name#wirh some actual FLAVOR#and CREATIVITY#and LOVE FOR WOMEN#or do your boring name combos again#idfk be lame if you want to#bjt me personally#this is the onlyway ill ever be reffering to them frkm now on#((THIS IS A JOKE IDC WHAT YOU CALL THEM IM MESSING AROUND MARTHBERRY IS CUTE TOO<333))#im actually going insane though#THEYRE CANON????#a bit late to the party#but like#WOMEN#I LOVE WOMEN#AND THEYRE TOGETHER WOMEN!!!#FUCK YEAH
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Okay, I’ve been emboldened by your recent assertion that you don’t bite and differences in opinions are okay. I also have a genuine question for you. Mine is re: Roy and Jason. It is my understanding that pre new 52 Roy fell in love with and made a baby with a literal assassin. I’ve seen so many references from Roy fans that given Roy’s pre new 52 characterization, he could/would never become friends with Red Hood Jason. I am unable to square the circle of that reasoning in my mind, given his history with Jade/Chesire. If you were interested on espousing on this topic, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Roy and Jade's relationship never lasted in the end (despite how desperately they've loved each other) because she would not give up that life and he could not compromise on someone that close to him killing. Roy is more than willing of working with and even understanding people who use lethal force (I think I've mentioned a few times that him teaming up with Jason temporarily would work for that reason), but he can't be heavily involved with that person long term, in any way. He's an incredibly flexible character when it comes to the types of people he can get along with, and he has more love and understanding in his heart than most. But Roy draws a line for himself. He couldn't even stay in the outsiders long term because he belongs where the traditional heroes are. You can see where the difficulty is in trying to make Jason and Roy best friends, or even in carrying out a team-up as long term as RHATO.
Separate from the morality conflict, Roy also has a specific dynamic with many people younger than him that I think we forget to take into account. His interactions with people noticeably younger than him (while he was in his mid-late 20s) generally seem to follow him trying to be a leader and guiding figure, with the younger person learning from him. His friendships with those people is rarely ever the same as the friendship he has with people his own age. Jason's ~7 years younger than Roy, and is around 19-21 in the years after UTRH. That would make 26-28. Roy's experienced fatherhood at this point, he had relationships and ups and downs and established a place for himself in the hero community. Jason is a teenager who's really only just now realizing there's a life ahead of him. Any dynamic they have will need to take all of that into account. This is a huge part of why they don't work as each other's best friends.
I know you didn't ask for that last bit, but I was thinking about it a while ago and I don't think we talk about it enough. It's just as much of an issue with Roy and Jason being best friends, or anything along that line, as morality is.
If you see more aggressive assertions about how Roy would hate Jason, then that's probably frustration more than anything. Roy's entire character has been replaced by for the sake of Jason and Roy's RHATO dynamic. It's not surprising that anger makes people exaggerate or believe that because they're so personally sick of seeing it. I understand that and honestly, if Roy was my favourite character, I'd never want to hear about Jason near him either lol
#or maybe the whole mia fiasco in seeing red because it would make sense for roy to be angry at someone messing with his little sister's head#(but roy is a pretty sympathetic person and jason didn't actually want to hurt her so he still wouldn't hate him imo)#they could have a friendship and bond (esp bc roy met jason when jason was a kid! he's seen how jason's changed and roy would understand#that jason's been through a lot) but it can never be the type of friendship roy has for ex the fab five#and sidenote: i should word things nicer. im so sorry if 17 yr old me was a little bit evil#turtle mail#jason todd#roy harper
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oh great in episode 6 of 4 minutes my beloved. he's so fucked up. i love him.
#can you believe this was the best episode of the whole show so far#it was so messed up this is all i wanted from this show#like is it my birthday or something#im so obsessed#everyone was displaying unhinged behavior and i am here for it#also great is so multifaceted#like he's not a bad person perse but he does do bad things#due to his upbringing and his complacency and his fear cause he is a bit of a coward yes#but like he does feel bad about the effed up stuff he's done#he is just trying to drown it out and ignore it#i just love it when a character is allowed to do the absolutely wrong thing sometimes#and suffer the consequences of their actions#while still also not being an awful awful person deep down#great is a person that's not that good but not that evil either#and he is lonely af and deep down seeking genuine human connection and doesn't even realize it#love that#4 minutes#4 minutes the series
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i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck
#trevor.txt#zero escape#zero escape phi#phi vlr#vlr spoilers#virtue's last reward#zero time dilemma#ztd#like. not that junpei/akane/sigma Dont also kind of go through it a bit in the space they're given#especially in sigma's case how LONG it is is one of the things that messes him up a bit#but phi gets like. a matter of days mentally#which is insane. what the fuck. i personally could not handle that she is stronger than i am#like i talked abt this in the post where i mentioned how the characters chsange from 999/vlr to ZTD but like!#it makes sense that phi's notably more emotional + doesn't really care if she dies or not. its all kind of Recent#just messes me up thinking about it. especially with the whole “going from a body with radical-6 to a body that doesn't” thing i mentioned#and the flashback with diana !!! Good Lord#who else up being known for being cold and unemotional but having a moment where you're just so tired after everything youve been through#that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't even know that well#i dont know. im fucked up. does anyone understand this fucks me up a bit#phiposting#<- making a tag for this bc i talk abt her A Lot on here
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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| On July 5th 2014, Sailor Moon Crystal aired on NicoNico Douga, with subtitles translated in 12 languages.
Man can you believe it's been 10 years? I didn't even realize and apparently Toei & Kodansha are straight up just not acknowledging it. So I made this sketch to celebrate 10 years! I don't think I'll finish it that's why im posting the sketch...
It based on Yukie Sakou's original key visual this time from a top down angle!
I was a stupid teenager when this show came out, ignorant of horrible industry practices and I'm still convinced nothing really got fixed for the rest of the series after Season 2... but I got to give it credit for bringing me attention to things like that! Call me nostalgia blind but it's still my favorite one after an entire decade and 5 seasons.
Sailor Moon Crystal you were a mess but dammit you were my mess.
#ive definitely been more critical of sailor moon in general due to just... age. getting older#harsher towards season 1 and 2 as well but mainly cus well its true it is a goddamn mess ive come to terms with that compared to 10 years a#sailor moon crystal#fanart#my art#sketch#color#fully colored#sailor moon#man im sorry this blog's been so dead the animation hyperfixation is sti.l there trust#just Life happened and again i got more critical of the series as a whole so i didnt wanna bum anyone out looking for s1&2 positivity#and just focusing on a blog many a blog got a bit much#then covid haooened so ive been just not focusing#10 years and i still aint organized the place goddamn 😔 maybe some day#ive also been trying to focus on personal projects n stuff sorry#tryna improve as an artist n whatnot
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Saying this as an autistic poc but it always trips me up when white people try to autism their way out of racism towards hip hop and rap too. Like a lot of the supposed sounds that trigger sensory issues for white autistics who do this are in sooo many genres too; main thing being "I dont like repetitive beats and sounds" and yet literally almost every fucking song on earth has mostly beat and bass repetition through a majority of its structure as a core for key melodies to play on (and mind you those key melodies ALSO repeat). Like hip hop/rap is not unique in that respect. Perhaps ponder on that for more than a minute.
#like theres lil bits in all kinds of sounds that fuck me up but i dont throw out the entire fucking genre#i just go oh this song isnt for me rn and I can even go back to them with much issue down the line#and mind you im a person with sensory issues AND synesthesia#so not only can sound mess with me but so can the over stimulation of visual components in a song#buts its never made me hate or dismiss any genre#and yes i just saw someone write an entire essay like this in those same notes soskdkkdkd
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reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism
#i cannot deal with changes to things I deal with regularly#i need to have my phone and comp exactly the same lest I Suffer bc i use them every day#also perhaps i would get so upset over my mom cleaning my room (although being a nice gesture) is because she would move shit to places-#i didn't know and messed up the system i had#also fuckin. executive dysfunction. that's some shit isn't it#i had to move to a new desk early in my job to run a different room and the desk setup was different and I Was Struggling A Bit#also people trying to calm me down during meltdowns is significantly worse and i read a bit that was like.#'trying to interject into the meltdown may cause additional sensory overload. it's most safe to let the person self-regulate.' well shit#that's about right huh#autistic burnout also seemed very familiar and its a little disturbing just how close everything hits#anyways im probably autistic. good night#mossy's rambles#text post#luci's rambles#autism#neurodivergent#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic experiences#if anyone would like to add to the pile and tell me im autistic feel free ig. ive already been peer reviewed
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