#ill post felix later

[lovebombin]

♡ i'm always on your side until we reach the finish line ♡

[daily-kagami]

Day #73: Grown Up

[vomitpukey]

TWF 4 Spoilers

What the fuck no brian and bon makeout session?

On the plus side I can totally make some bribon wonderland soul plane yaoi now mwahahaha.

Also lord 'Bon's voice was hot as fuck (why does he sound so familar though???). Loved Susan's voice, Charlie sounded exactly how I expected him to sound lol.

Fuck man we all knew Felix regretted that crash but christ the way my breath stopped entirely when he was about to jump.

Everyone looked so damn good in motion I cannot get over it. Seeing 'Bon' kill Susan was brutal I was not expecting such fluidity. Loved the girlboss pose he struck afterwords tho #slay

Praying some epic secret hunters spot a Brian cameo like they did for ep. 3 lmao

[aurorangen]

Time flew by and it was finally graduation! And the next step for Bryce is....SULANI!!

[faulix]

ok now for fun screenies:

good morning (windows xp noise)

im sorry women

objective. do it.

it's about solace but lets be real he has the same reaction any time i talk about faux in any capacity after It

.............. ow :(

cool new feature: i float

idk guys do you think i beat futurism? :(

and to top it all off: my mental state the past two hours!

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : OT8 x F!Reader TW : reader death ; heavy angst. (Bangchan : hospitals ; Chan in denial) (Lee Know : sudden reader death) (Changbin : drowning ; mention of police) (Hyunjin : reader has seizures ; reader in a coma) (Han : car crash ; descriptive scene of the crash ; mention of blood) (Felix : reader suicide ; Felix is angry ; slightly descriptive post mortem reader) (Seungmin : car accident ; Seungmin in the hospital ; Seungmin injury) (Jeongin : really nothing descriptive ; nothing but angst) Word Count : 3.7k A/N : This one was really sad to write, but I love angst so it was kind of fun too! I hope you enjoy! I know they’re kind of short though, I’m sorry! Request : @moon0fthenight : “24 hours after skz’s s/o death”

Bangchan

Sitting in the hospital room, the buzzing of the fluorescent light bulbs that hung above his head filled the silence from the lack of your heart monitor beeping. He stared at the empty bed, refusing to take his eyes off of it. Maybe if he stared hard enough you’d finally show up.

He didn’t want to leave the hospital without you, even though the doctors, the guys, his managers, his parents, even your parents had told him that he couldn’t wait there forever, that you weren’t coming back.

How long had it been since you had been rushed out of the little room? The TV was still on the same channel, the tray of food that had been brought to you still sat on the little pull up metal table. He wouldn’t let the doctors take it away. “She’ll be hungry when she gets back.” He would say every time someone would come in to try to clean up the room. Pity would have the doctors and the nurses relenting, backing out of the room to leave him with his grief.

24 hours he’s been without you, and he had only truly had you for less than a year before you had fallen ill. It wasn’t fair. You had been stolen from him so quickly, he didn’t have the time to process what had truly happened. He was in denial, and in the back of his mind, he knew that you weren’t coming back. That didn’t stop him from sitting and waiting still, because he wasn’t leaving. Not without you.

Lee Minho

“I’m fine.” He lied, sitting in the dorm room surrounded by all of the guys who were trying their best to be there for him. “I just want to be alone.” Not exactly though, he didn’t want to be alone, he just didn’t want to be around anyone if it wasn’t you.

Waking up in the morning beside you, it was always like waking up in a dream, the way your eyelids would flutter as the sun shone through the window, waking you in the most beautiful way. It’s how every morning began… So why did that morning have to be any different? What had gone wrong?

His eyes opened that morning, landing upon you as they would, but this time, your skin was colorless and your lips were blue… How did you still look so peaceful? It took him a moment to realize what was truly going on, and he wished that he didn’t realize at all. Would he have been able to just fall back asleep beside you? Would you be okay when he woke back up?

No one could give him answers, there was no definitive cause… You just… Decided that it was time to go, and you did. How could you just leave him like that? You didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t give him the chance to say goodbye.

24 hours later, and he refused to go back to the apartment he shared with you. As long as he was at the dorms, he could continue to believe that it never happened, that he had never even met you, because he once he stepped through the front door, all of those memories would come rushing back, the good and the bad, and he’d have to face the fact that you truly were gone.

Seo Changbin

It was supposed to be a fun little vacation for the two of you to celebrate your 3 years anniversary. He had been so excited for it, you had been excited, everything was perfect. The trip was specifically for you, all you had talked about was how you felt bad that you had come down with the flu during your honeymoon, having to cut the trip short. This was the chance to try it again, and you both were ready for honeymoon take 2.

The current was strong, there had been warnings about it posted all over the beach, the lifeguards had warned everyone that it wasn’t safe to go far out in the water. “You’re stronger than the current, Binnie.” You had chimed, his ego swelling as you clung onto him. He just wanted you to have a great time, he wanted you to be happy, he loved seeing you smile…

He wasn’t stronger than the current, but the sound of the lifeguard whistle blowing hadn’t stopped him from carrying you out, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck as waves crashed against the both of you. It only took one wave though, he lost his footing, and that’s when he lost you. He just wanted to make you proud, he wanted to make you happy, he wanted to have a real honeymoon with you…

“She’s not gone…” Changbin kept repeating. The guys were currently flying to him, police filled the hotel room where your suitcase still sat propped open in the corner. It had only been 24 hours and the interrogations seemed never ending, but he wouldn’t give up on you, not when you were still out there somewhere. You’d come back to him, you have to.

Hwang Hyunjin

A seizure. That’s all it was… you had them rarely, but he usually knew how to handle them and how to make sure you were okay. Why was this time different? Why did it have to be different?

His hands had been shaking when he tried to call for help. He misdialed. Was it his fault? He was already crying by the five minute mark… Was he too focused on crying? Could he have done more? He tried to hold you up to keep you from choking as he waited for the paramedics… What else could he have done?

You were flailing so violently, he could barely hold you still. It was terrifying, but still, not as terrifying as seeing you strapped to a gurney and rushed out of the house as your body still seized against the straps that held you down. He felt guilty for not riding in the back of the ambulance with you, but the paramedics had told him to follow behind, and in his state of shock, he didn’t have the mental capacity to argue.

Would you have been okay if he rode with you? He got stuck at a red light as the ambulance sped forward in front of him. It wasn’t long, but it was long enough he supposed. By the time he reached the hospital you were already being rushed down the hall, and he could only stand there and watch as the emergency room doors shut right in front of him, his last view of you was through the tiny rectangular windows.

A coma… It had been 24 hours and you still hadn’t woken up. The breathing tubes and IV’s that were connected to you had him crying every time he looked at you. He couldn’t even stay in the room longer than an hour before he started hyperventilating from crying so much. You weren’t dead… But the way everyone was talking, they made it seem like you might as well have been.

He wasn’t going to give up on you though, he’d pay as much as he had to, he’d visit the hospital every day for the rest of his life just to tell you he loves you, that he’s waiting for you, just in case you can hear him. But for today, he’d sit by your bedside and hold your hand, singing to you songs that he knows you love, hoping that you can still hear his voice.

Han Jisung

Your hand was in his as you walked down the road, streetlights and the bright headlights of passing cars illuminating the two of you, your journey aimless, just enjoying the time you get to spend together. The silence was calming, there was something about just simply being the company of someone that you love so deeply that can put your mind at peace. That’s exactly where he was, a peace that was unreachable unless he was with you. That’s how he knew that you were the one, the only one for him.

Headlights moving closer, becoming brighter, enveloping the two of you in a shroud of a nearly blinding white light. Tire squeals and the honking of a horn… It was too late. No more than a second was how long it took for your hand to be ripped from his, and it was like everything was moving too fast for his mind to fully adjust. The sound of your body colliding with the steel frame of the car, the sight of you being thrown yards along the road before you fell back to the ground with a muted thud. The crumbling of the car as it smashed into a light pole, metal wrapping around metal, like nails on a chalkboard and emitting a horrid stench.

A couple more seconds to process, and then a guttural scream as he ran over to you. The lingering warmth that was left from when your hand was still in his wasn’t enough to keep him grounded. Your body was mangled, your arms twisted in a way that he had only seen in the horror movies that he’d watch with you. A pool of blood forming beneath your head, your eyes still wide open in a perpetual state of shock. It didn’t take a genius to know that you were gone, you had literally been ripped away from him in the worst way possible.

Sleep wasn’t an option, no matter how tired his body felt, whenever he closed his eyes all he could see was a constant replay of you on the ground, or you moments before hitting the street. The first and only time he had even attempted a simple nap, he had woken up screaming and all of the guys had to run in and try to help him.

“Ji…” Minho whispered as he walked into Jisungs room, the lights were all out, the man's face illuminated only by the phone screen, the brightness turned all the way up, making the dark circles under his eyes more visible and more prominent. “This isn’t good, you need to sleep… Please…”

“I should have been walking on the road side…” Jisung mumbled back, his body already beginning to rock and shudder, the incoming tears were unavoidable. “I should have moved her away faster… it should have been me… I saw her… I watched it… I didn’t know what to do… She was just… She…” Along with the tears came hyperventilation, and then retching once all the mucus built up in his throat. It happened almost every hour, his guilt eating away at him, his brain working overtime to try to think of a way that things could have ended differently.

It’s not like it mattered though, he couldn’t change the way it all happened, you were already gone. All he had left was the phantom feeling of your hand in his, a feeling that he clung onto, because once that feeling faded away, that’s when you would be fully gone.

Lee Felix

“You know that I love you, right? It’s not your fault… I want you to always remember that, no matter what. I don’t deserve you though. I don’t deserve anything… And I’m tired. I’m just so tired, Lixie… I’m sorry.”

It was sent at 3:38am eastern standard time… He was sleeping… 2:38pm korean time… If he was there he would have been able to stop you. He was on tour, you were back at home. Everything seemed fine when he left, he told you that he’d be back in 2 months, it was one of the shorter tours… It was like you waited for him to be gone… Like you didn’t want to be stopped, you didn’t want to be saved.

As soon as he saw the message when he woke up, he sent one of the managers to the apartment. He knew what they would find, he already knew, and he was already booking a flight back to Korea. The emotions hadn’t fully hit him yet, they were there, but they didn’t have a chance to really kick in until he was sitting in the airport, a text from the manager confirming what he already knew to be true.

He cried himself to sleep on the flight, and even while sleeping, his body shook from his raspy breaths and tears seemed to subconsciously fall from his eyes. All of the guys went with him, not wanting him to be alone, but most of them were in a state of shock as well, and a majority of them just cried with Felix when he did wake up.

By the time he had gotten back, you had already been identified by your parents. Felix went to visit them, offering his condolences and apologizing for not being able to save you. They didn’t blame him, but they didn’t have to, he was already blaming himself. There had to have been something he could have done to keep this from happening, and it only made him angry when everyone would tell him that what you had done would have happened regardless if you really wanted to do it.

“I want to see her… One last time, I need to see her…” 23 hours and 45 minutes, that’s how long you had been gone, and up until now he had been too scared to even think about seeing you. But it was getting closer to the funeral and he knew that he wouldn’t have any other chance to, and he would only be able to rely on pictures and videos of you afterwards.

“Felix, that’s probably not a good idea. You shouldn’t… You don’t have to do that to yourself.” Chan tried to reason, placing his hands on Felixs shoulders. “She wouldn’t want you to see her like that… Just, wait until the viewing… Then you can say goodbye.” Goodbye? There was nothing good about this, and Chans words only angered him more.

“I’m going. I need to see her.” He said more sternly this time, pushing past the oldest member and walking out the door. Maybe he should have listened, maybe he should have just held onto the memories of you that were living in his mind and in his phone. Once he saw you, he felt everything at once, and he couldn’t stop crying, he couldn’t stop screaming, he was losing his mind.

“Why did you leave me?! Why would you do this?! Fuck!” This image of you was one that he wouldn’t be able to forget, cold, lifeless, laying on the metal table. It looked like you were sleeping, and he wished that he could just make himself believe that you were. “Wake up! You need to wake up now! We have so much to do and… And you just really have to wake up, angel! Come on!” Once he tried to lift you off the bed, that’s when the doctors rushed in, having to pull him off of you. He was thrashing and kicking and screaming, and all anyone could do was cry as they watched from the hallway. He had lost you, but they were slowly losing him because of it… Felix was gone, replaced by a bitter sadness and an anger towards himself that would never go away.

Kim Seungmin

“Seungmin, I think that person behind is drunk or something. You should really just let them go around…” You had said, turning down the radio and watching through the rearview mirror as the car behind you swerved in and out of lanes, coming closer and closer to the back of Seungmins car.

“We’re fine. It’s probably just one of those assholes that’ll weave in and out of traffic and piss everyone off.” Although you saw his eyes narrow as they flashed up into the rearview mirror, cursing under his breath before flicking on his blinker to change lanes. Just as he began to move into the other lane, the car hit the back of Seungmins. It happened in a flash, his foot slamming on the brakes as his right hand flew out to hold onto you.

That was the last thing he remembered before waking up once again, the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles and the sound of metal scraping metal as the car door was being cut off. He tried to turn his head, but that’s when the pain kicked in and he let out a scream… And then the panic set in when he didn’t hear you. Had you already been taken out of the car? He slowly moved his head in your direction, biting back the scream that threatened to escape him as the pain shot through. “Y/N…?” He whispered your name when he saw you, but there was no response. “Honey… Answer me please…” He pleaded, his breaths coming faster, but they were restricted as the seatbelt strained against his chest. This couldn’t be happening… This was a nightmare, it had to be…

“How are you feeling?” Hyunjin asked from the couch at Seungmins bedside. He was still in the hospital, being monitored for the concussion he had gotten from the accident. It had been 24 hours, and soon he would be discharged, but he’d be walking out alone, he’d be going home alone. You didn’t make it, the airbag on your side hadn’t deployed and… He didn’t want to think about what the doctors had told him, he was trying to hold himself together, at least when the guys were around.

“I’m fine.” He muttered, staring straight forward, refusing to look at Hyunjin because he knew that if his hyung saw the tears that had begun to bead up in his eyes, he would only make things worse. “I really just want to go home now. I’ve got a lot of stuff to sort through, I’ve got a lot of phone calls to make.”

“You really don’t have to do all that by yourself. The guys and I… we can help, we want to help. We know that-” Seungmin groaned loudly, cutting off Hyunjins words before he could finish them. He had heard this before from Chan and Changbin. Yes, you were gone, and yes, he was devastated, he was broken, he was pissed, but he knew that if he was given time to dwell on it, things would only be worse.

“I’m gonna sue him, I’m gonna sue him for everything he’s got. I don’t care about the money though, I don’t want his fucking money, I don’t need him to pay my medical bills, I don’t want anything from him but his suffering. I want him to suffer… I want his life to be living hell because that…” His voice broke, his fists balling up the blanket that covered him as a choked off sob escaped him. “That is how my life is now… Without her… So if you could just… Kindly let me handle this… On my own… That would be great.”

Yang Jeongin

“Robbery at local store : 4 Injured and 1 Dead in a Robbery Gone Wrong”

“Isn’t that the Alexander McQueen that Y/N works in?” Jisung asked as he watched Jeongin scroll through the news article that was still live at the moment. Of course it was the same store that you worked in, that’s why he was reading the damn article… Although he didn’t say that though, he wasn’t going to be shitty towards one of the guys just because he was panicking a little bit (a lot).

“I’ll just call her real quick… They already caught the person who did it. She should be okay now.” Jeongin said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. He didn’t want to let on that he was slowly but surely losing his mind not hearing anything from you.

The line rang a few times before it was picked up, and after some silence, a throat was cleared. “Hello.” A male's voice came through the speaker and Jeongins heart sank. “This is Detective Lee, who is this?”

“Her boyfriend. Where is she?” Jeongin didn’t introduce himself as anything but your boyfriend, right now his only worry was your whereabouts and why you hadn’t reached out to him. If something like this was going on in his building he would have called you already to let you know that he’s okay.

“Sir, I’m… I’m very sorry… But-“

“Nope!” Jeongin cut the detective off, pushing himself up off the couch that he had been sitting on, catching the attention of the other guys that sat around the room. “That’s not funny, don’t mess with me like that. I-I’d really like to speak to her now. C-can you put her on the phone? Please!”

“I know that this is hard for you… But we need you to come down to the hospital… and identify her…” The detective said solemnly, feeling Jeongins pain through the phone.

He broke, right then and there, he broke down. He threw his phone across the room, not caring as the screen shattered to bits against the wall before crumbling on the floor. His hands flew to his hair, pulling at it as he let out the most pain filled scream. The guys caught him before he could fall to the floor, their arms encircling him and trying to hold him up.

No amount of time would make this easier for him, but the hardest was the first 24 hours. His eyes were burning from crying so much, his throat burned, his chest hurt. He couldn’t even move, he felt so weak, his head hurt and he felt sick. He couldn’t stop crying, whenever he would stop, he’d think about you and he’d cry again, the sobs were heartwrenching, curled up in the fetal position and clutching onto your pillow.

You’d never lay beside him again, he wouldn’t be able to wake up to your morning kisses, he wouldn’t be able to cuddle beside you on the couch anymore. You were gone, you’d always be gone, you were never coming back. A piece of him died when you did, and that would piece of him, his heart, would always be with you, wherever you were, and he’d wait forever to finally be with you again.

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[dwaekkicidal]

𝖪𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗍𝗈𝖻𝖾𝗋: 'Affirmations' ༄࿔ MinLix

⤷ Mirror Sex | Worship | Handjob

♱ word count: 1.4k

♱ warnings: MxM(Member x Member), dom!Minho x sub!Felix, talk about body image issues + 1 negative comment about Felix’s looks (ill curse your bloodline.), minho calls himself daddy once hehe, worship, praise, hand job, blowjob mentions (both receiving), cum eating (?), mirror "sex"

♱ notes: i actually really like this? i hope felix knows how fucking beautiful he is

Kinktober Schedule

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

“Say it again.” Minho’s voice is breathy and almost desperate as he mumbles the command into Felix’s ear. The younger boy shivers in front of him in response and whines in defiance, shaking his head.

“C’mon, baby~ I just want to hear you repeat that bullshit again.” Minho’s rough hands caress up and down Felix’s arms and he can feel the boy’s resolve caving with every inch he covers. But it’s not until Minho’s hand trails down to the younger man’s dripping cock and squeezes that he fully caves, doing so with a quiet sob.

“I-I didn’t say anything, hyung.” He pouts deeply and cranes his neck slightly to meet the elder’s narrowed eyes, “I… I just agreed with a comment about how I looked rather… unattractive.” Minho hums in response and starts moving his hand again, holding a tight grip on Felix and slowly jerking him off.

“And why did you agree with that? Surely my pretty baby doesn’t actually think he’s ugly? Right?” Felix visibly gulps at the question and darts his eyes between the two boba ones that are staring into his soul so aggressively. “Hmm?”

“I… I don’t know…” Minho could tell the boy was lying right away and he sighs loudly before letting go of his cock and pushing against his lower back. Felix has no time to react before he’s pushed onto his knees, and he’s immediately falling onto his hands after losing his balance from the sudden movement.

He lays his forehead on the sheets and closes his eyes with a whine, needy for Minho’s touch but slightly ashamed of the situation at the same time. The older man doesn’t give much thought to the action and lands a series of small, warning smacks to Felix’s ass.

“Do you really think that, Jagi?” Felix stays quiet until Minho lands a mean smack to his ass, causing him to yelp.

“I… Sometimes?” His voice is shaky, it's obvious he’s trying to hold back tears. Minho almost has half a mind to stop everything to comfort the man below him, but he has other ways of making him feel better. And he would argue that his best idea ever comes when he meets his own eyes in the mirror across the room.

“Come.” He softly commands Felix, and the younger listens immediately. He pushes himself up on shaky hands and takes deep breaths as he stands to his feet with shaky legs. Minho leads him to the mirror, standing Felix directly in front of it before standing behind him.

Felix frowns at his reflection and tries to look away, but Minho catches his chin and forces him to look forward. He takes the chance to look the younger up and down, not so discreetly licking his lips as he takes in the drool-worthy view in front of him.

Felix’s whole body is a light shade of red, both from the embarrassment of being completely naked while Minho is still mostly dressed as well as from the pleasure of having his cock played with. Minho’s eyes catch the various freckles that litter his body, and he makes a note to cover those areas with his own kind of marks later on.

“Hyung…” Felix’s deep voice meets Minho’s ears and his eyes snap up to the mirror. He raises an eyebrow curiously and watches as Felix leans back on him in response, wrapping his small hands around Minho’s veiny ones and laying them flat on his own thighs.

Minho knows what he wants, but he’s not willing to give it just yet. He has a point to prove right now. But for now, to avoid any emotional dams breaking, he starts massaging Felix’s thighs and nuzzles into his neck, allowing him the affection that will keep him grounded. He places a few soft kisses around his neck before leading the kisses up to the back of Felix’s ear, making him shiver and close his eyes.

“My sexy boy… Such a shame that he doesn’t see it.” Minho’s hands slowly and teasingly trail up Felix’s sides, squeezing the flesh there every few seconds. Felix whines and grinds back against Minho’s bulge only to be held tightly in place.

“Say it.”

“Huh?” Felix’s eyes crack open and meet Minho’s sharp ones in the mirror. He furrows his eyebrows when Minho doesn’t respond, not fully understanding what he wants.

“Say it. I want you to say that you’re sexy.” Felix gulps and frowns. “If you won’t see how beautiful you are, I’ll have to fuck it into you. But only after you admit how sexy you are.”

“Hyuung-”

“C’mon, bbokie… Give Daddy what he wants, and he’ll give you everything you want.” Minho watches with a smirk as Felix weighs his options and, considering he’s not really given many, he gives in rather quickly.

“I’m…sexy..?”

“Are you asking me or are you telling me?” Felix groans and rolls his head back onto Minho’s shoulder. “Repeat after me, baby.”

“You’re beautiful.” Felix hesitates but once Minho’s hand forces his chin forward again, he follows along.

“I’m beautiful…”

“Louder. And look at yourself when you say it.” Felix frowns but listens immediately, repeating himself louder and looking his reflection in the eyes as he says it. Minho nods and places a kiss on his shoulderblade.

“Your whole body is sexy; your arms, your legs, your stomach.”

“My arms, legs, and stomach are sexy.” Minho grants him another kiss on his shoulder and moves his hand to Felix’s dripping cock. Despite his protests, his cock is harder than before and drips with precum from the positive affirmations.

“Your cock is pretty.” Felix’s eyes drop to between his legs and he watches Minho trace circles into his inner thighs.

“My- My cock is pretty.” Minho smiles and places a kiss on Felix’s neck right as his hand wraps around his cock. He starts slowly stroking him again, this time with a stronger grip. Felix moans and his eyes flutter shut momentarily when Minho’s thumb slides across his leaking slit.

“I’m proud of you and how far you’ve come in life.”

“I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come.” Minho’s hand speeds up and Felix keens when his stomach starts to clench.

“Your body deserves love and respect. As it is.” 

“My body deserves love and respect as it is… Hyung…” Minho smiles and drops to his knees, settling himself on his calves on Felix’s side and placing kisses on his hip bone.

“You’re doing so well, baby. One more for me, ok?” Felix nods eagerly and tangles his hands in Minho’s hair, tugging it lightly and making Minho moan quietly. “You are important, strong, and drop-dead gorgeous.” Felix’s thighs tense up and he takes a second to breathe before repeating, his orgasm dangerously close.

“I’m- I’m important, strong, and- fuck!” Felix whines and bites down on his free hand when Minho wraps his lips around his tip, sucking harshly as he moves his hand eagerly. His eyes narrowed at the way Felix missed a word, but the boy did well enough for his liking for him to grant him his wish

His free hand sneaks to Felix’s ass and he kneads the muscle there appreciatively as he angles Felix’s slightly sideways. He cums soon after thanks to Minho humming around him, his hips bucking and his legs shaking as he tries to hold his body weight up as he cums. Minho looks up just in time for Felix’s eyes to flutter open, and he moans louder even louder when their eyes meet.

Once he’s finished coming down, Minho rises to his feet and wraps his arms around Felix. He pulls the younger into him with a tight grip on his hips and pulls him into a kiss, letting him taste himself on his tongue.

“Let me repay you, hyung. For treating me so well.” Felix looks up at him under his eyelashes and, despite how dedicated he was to his goal earlier, Minho is not as strong as he thought he was. And Felix’s shiny, pleading eyes are all too convincing, so he quickly agrees. 

He smirks to himself when Felix pushes him onto the bed and drops to his knees, giving Minho a nice view of his bare backside in the mirror. His smile stays plastered on his face even as Felix’s small hands sneak into the hem of his sweats and pull them down. His cock twitches at the devious little smile on the younger man’s face, and he can already tell it’s going to be a long night.

Taglists: (red=can't be tagged)

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[jisungiesvzz]

You Need To Eat Well

Han Jisung x fem!reader

Warnings: eating disorder, panic attack, anxiety, throwing up, fluff at the end?

Word Count: 1.8k

P.S. This is my first post so please let me know if I’ve missed warnings! Also, this is NOT proof read so send in any typos or wtvr lol.

----------------

It was around lunch time when you were with Jisung and his members in their practice room. They were arguing over a particular dance move while you lay on the couch in the corner, mindlessly scrolling through a social media app. 

“Alright enough!” Bangchan said, raising his voice a bit.

You flinched slightly at his sudden unexpected tone change. The members went silent but Jisung stared at you, noticing your sudden movement. You noticed him staring and quickly went back to looking at your phone.

“Clearly we are all frustrated with each other and arguing isn’t going to get us anywhere.”

The other members nodded their heads in agreement as a bunch of sighs went around the room.

“You’re right,” Changbin chimed in. “It is a little past lunchtime, let’s grab something to eat and start up again after.”

You shuttered at the idea of eating in a group.

“Yeah, I could really use some food.” Hyunjin agreed. The other members simultaneously shuffled off to their bags to grab what they needed before regrouping at the door.

You saw a shadow approaching you and you set down your phone, sitting up to see who it was.

Jisung.

“You should come with us, you need to eat too.”

“Uh… yeah no I’ll go with you guys.” You replied back, making sure to avoid the part about you actually eating.

You grabbed your phone and wallet and walked out the door with the group. You tried to subtly walk behind the members to avoid the topic of food without making it obvious. Seungmin and I.N were debating very loudly over which ramen place would be better to eat at. Hearing the word ramen made you feel physically ill. You did your best to put on a smile but Jisung noticed you were a little pale and matched your pace to walk next to you. 

“How are you feeling? You look a little pale.” He asked, trying to sound calm but his concern was more evident in his voice than he intended.

“Oh I’m pale? I feel fine though.” You said trying to sound convincing.

“Are you sure?” He asked, not believing you.

You nodded your head with the best reassuring smile you could muster up. You could tell he didn’t really believe you but before anymore could be said you had arrived at the restaurant.

The group grabbed a table and you tried not to sit next to Jisung to avoid him noticing your eating pattern. You sat next to Felix and Bangchan which made Jisung frown a little but he shrugged it off and sat next to Felix.

Minutes went by and your mood began to change for the better as Felix started excitedly talking  to you about his upcoming Louis Vuitton photoshoot. You slowly forgot about where you were until the waiter came up and started taking everyone’s orders. It came to your turn and you were already dreading everyone looking at you, waiting for you to order. You pretended to look at the menu and then ordered a small appetizer. 

The waiter finished writing down the orders and walked away.

“Y/n-ah you should’ve ordered more, that won’t fill you up,” Lee know stated from across the table.

Your stomach dropped. Everyone was looking at you.

“I uh- I ate a big breakfast, I’m just… not that hungry right now,” you felt so pathetic through the lie. 

“Breakfast was so long ago, we’ll order you some ramen,” Bangchan said, waving down the waiter before you could reject his statement.

The food arrived moments later, and the second the bowl was put in front of you, you felt so nauseous. 

It’s too much food. You look like a pig eating this in front of them, Don’t it eat, they’re judging.

You tried to wait a couple minutes before excusing yourself to the bathroom but you almost threw up just thinking about picking up the chopsticks. 

“I’m gonna head to restroom real quick,” you said quickly and you sped to the bathroom.

You swung the door open, not bothering to lock it behind you. You immediately started belching and throwing up into the toilet. Tears streamed down your face as you continued throwing up. The door cracked open and you faintly heard someone’s worried voice.

“Y/n-ah…?”

A second later, someone was dashing towards you and holding your hair back. You shuttered aggressively once you stopped vomiting and let out a shaky whimper. You felt someone’s hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles on it. 

“What happened...?” You recognized the voice. It was Jisung.

You sighed not wanting to speak.

Jisung grabbed your chin and turned head to look up at him. He looked you in the eyes and he could see the hurt in them.

“Talk to me. Please, Y/n…” he quietly begged.

“I just feel sick, it… it could be a c-cold.” You stammered through your lie.

It was evident in his eyes that he didn’t fully believe you but after a few moments of thought he let it go.

“I’m gonna tell the members you’re not feeling well then I’m taking you home.”

“Ji, I’m fine-”

He cuts you off, “Y/n don’t argue with me. You are sick and you need rest.”

You sighed and gave in, nodding your head. He helped you stand up and headed back to the table to grab your things.

—————

You lay in bed staring up at the ceiling with Jisung laying next to you. It had been quiet for a while, leaving plenty of time for Jisung to think. He noticed you were pale again.

“Do you think you can get down some broth?” He broke the silence.

You internally gagged but he didn’t notice.

“I’m not hungry,” you reply weakly.

He sat up, slightly hovering over you, “Y/n, I’m worried about you. You’re super pale, it’s not normal.”

He thinks you’re ill. You can’t eat. He’ll laugh at you for wanting food.

“Stop, please…” you begged, rubbing your face “I can’t think about food anymore… please, just stop.”

The tears were forming again and that’s when Jisung caught on.

“Are you… Y/n when was the last time you really ate?”

“I told you, I ate this mor-”

He cut you off, “Don’t lie Y/n, when was the last time you ate.”

Silence feel between you two. Tears pricked Jisung’s eyes as his suspicions were confirmed. He didn’t say anything before getting up and leaving the room.

He’s leaving you. He thinks you’re pathetic for not eating. You can’t eat. Don’t eat. He’ll think you’re a pig.

The thoughts kept rolling in and you started to panic, your thoughts consuming you by the minute. A couple minutes go by and Jisung comes back in with a small cup of broth. He sits on the edge of the bed and moves the cup towards your lap. You shake your head but he just looks at you with pleading eyes.

“Think of it as flavored water, yeah? It’s not food.”

“I- I can’t…. I-” 

The panic is setting in. Your breathing became labored and you started shaking uncontrollably. You desperately tried to calm down but everything felt like it was caving in on you; the ceiling, the walls, the mattress pulling you into an endless abyss as you gripped at them tightly. 

Jisung practically threw the cup onto the nightstand as he saw you panicking.

“Hey what’s wrong?” He asked, concern evident in his voice.

You tried to answer but your breath kept getting caught in your throat. You begin clawing at  your chest as you felt like you were about to combust, tears now pouring out of your eyes. Jisung knew you were choking on your words and grew scared that you soon wouldn’t be able to breathe at all. He wrapped you in his arms, your head flesh with his chest.

“I need you to take deep breaths, love” he spoke, trying to sound grounded. “Listen to my breathing.” 

He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. You roughly tried to follow his breathing but it didn’t seem to be enough. You wanted to speak again but he stopped you.

“Don’t. Please, just… just keep breathing,” he took one of your hands and put it on his chest so you could feel his heartbeat. It was slow and steady, reminding you that he was there with you. He soothingly rubbed your back as your breathing began to slow down and your shaking subsided.

You sniffled softly before Jisung spoke again.

“What’s going on in your head, Y/n? You need to let me in. You’re not okay.”

“I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

“I can try. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I… I just feel like I’m constantly getting judged by people when I eat. I’m constantly comparing myself to how much others eat and I constantly feel like I’m defined by how much, how little, or even what I eat.” You sniffled and blinked trying to hold back your tears again.

‘Oh y/n…” he cooed, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head. ‘That’s not true. You need to eat well. People care for you and we aren’t judging you.”

Jisung’s voice cracks as he also begins to tear up, “It hurts me to know that you feel this way. But I want you to know that I’m here for you, every step of the way. I’m going to help you through this, okay?”

You lifted your head off his chest, your eyes irritated  and red from crying. You looked him in the eyes and saw his hurt,  but through that hurt you saw comfort, reconciliation and… love. His gaze softened as he cupped your cheek with his hand.

“You are loved. You understand that? I…” he paused for a moment. “I love you.”

Time froze. Your heart melted at his words.

He loved you. 

His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips. He leaned closer leaving barely any space between you, giving you a chance to back away. When you didn’t move, he closed the gap between you in a melancholy kiss. He conveyed his love for you in that sweet moment and you felt his love radiated throughout you. 

Jisung broke away from the kiss and leaned his forehead against yours, slightly short of breath.

There was a moment of silence between you but that was all you needed. 

“I love you too.”

[flightfoot]

Any feligami fic recommendations?

Felix is Fine by SortaArtsy

Felix wakes up sick, but is determined to keep it under wraps. Kagami refuses to be fooled. Feligami fluff. Implied past trauma/ abuse, though nothing explicit. Set post S5 so there are SOME SPOILERS!

If you want a Felix sick fic, this story’s the fic for you! I like how Felix and Kagami actually talk about why Felix is so determined to keep the extent of his illness hidden, what caused him to feel like he needs to do that, and Kagami’s understanding about it. Colt sucks.

---

to assess the equation of you by ThisKwamiNeeds-aNap

“I’m not a wanted fugitive,” she said, dryly. “You could change that.” She wasn’t sure if he was joking. Wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be joking. She stared for a long second, as if she could read more into his intent in the pupils of his eyes. They stayed there for a long second, unblinking. OR: Félix and Kagami try to talk about that after credits scene in Pretension

---

the awful felix saga by chivalrousamour

It should be noted that Félix was not exactly the most normal of people. He was idolized by others and popular, yet never had many friends. His social skills mostly amounted to knowledge of how to smile and speak politely enough that people let their guard down around him. As a result of his tendency to ignore or hate most people, he only had the few loved ones, and he'd commit murder for them. Like literally commit murder for them. Several murders, even. He did not have good knowledge of boundaries or restraint. So it should really say something that Félix, of all people, looked at Adrien's phone, and immediately said "oh, what's wrong with this guy." Because, like, dude. Why did Adrien have so many pictures of a girl he wasn't even dating? Even Félix knew that cropping group pics to be just the two of them was a weird thing to do.

So this is part of a series. I put that series on my top ten completed fics of 2023 list. I think you can mostly understand what's going on here without reading the other fics in the series, but I highly recommend you do read them, because they're hilarious! But this fic should at least give a taste of the tone of the rest of the series and give an idea whether you'd like to read the rest.

---

The Peacock and the Dragon by TheVioletThread

kagami reflects on love, past and present, lost and won. felix destroys everything he has ever loved.

This is a three-chapter story, with the chapters being mostly independent, rather than naturally leading into each other.

The first chapter is from Kagami's POV, delving into the mindset she's grown up with due to Tomoe's parenting.

The second chapter, on the other hand, is from Felix's POV and mostly follows his horrific backstory, the abuse he suffered at Colt's hands, and his mindset even after Colt died.

The third chapter goes over Amelie's life, how she thinks of being the one left behind to deal with her parents' expectations, how she does, in fact, abide by them, basically being sold away to the highest bidder, and the despair as she's unable to do what she was "purchased" to do: provide an heir to Colt.

There's some beautiful prose here and exploration for Felix, Kagami, and Amelie, I highly recommend giving it a look!

---

one does not love breathing by @wackus-bonkus-maximus

All of Paris watched as Hawkmoth murdered Chat Noir, taking the Black Cat Miraculous for himself. Ladybug swears revenge, but her enemy—and every miraculous in his possession—disappear without a trace.

Six years later, a new team of villains launches an attack for the last remaining Miraculous: Volpina, armed with new powers; Queen Bee, with questionable loyalty; Argos, the new holder of the Peacock Miraculous; and Cat Walker, who Ladybug hates the most.

Takes place after S4 - Strike Back.

So this is mostly a Lovesquare fic, but there's lots of different perspectives here, including Felix's and Kagami's. They may not be the main couple, but they still have more focus and development here than you're likely to find in most other fics.

Which is especially impressive since Feligami was one of the major pairings in this fic even BEFORE the Miraculous season 5 bible got leaked. Wackus was clairvoyant on that front.

[bbokicidal]

HI IM SO SORRY DONT MIND THIS IM JUST SENDING IT NOW CAUSE I HAVE A MEMORY ISSUE AND ILL FORGET IT IF I DONT, RESPOND TO THIS WHENEVER YOURE READY TO

hi!! okay so i have an idea, and basically, from the jisung scenario in the cheating drabble (which were fcking SENSATIONAL and wonderfully written), what exactly do you think would go down after the tweet that reader posts

like omg, drama. cause when i first read it i imagined reader being an idol too and saying something on bubble cause my brain didn’t process twitter and i was like oh shiii— but the tweet is so perfect too!!!

yeah, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!! i just think it’d be so delicious to see how he would react to having his mistakes catch up to him in front of basically the entire world

No worries! I don't mind writing a little Drabble of what I think would play out. (And to the person who requested first time sex with SKZ, I'm cooking it up so I did see it, don't worry!)

I think he would be - absolutely fucking devastated. He'd find comfort in the boys, but even a few of them would have to tell him just how badly he'd fucked up; Felix being the most open and honest about it all. He'd tell Jisung he didn't agree with his choices and hearing it from the softest, sweetest member of the group made it really weigh on Jisung just how fucked he was.

Jeongin had called you the first day, you'd made the career-ending tweet about Jisung the next, and two days later; Jisung went on an indefinite hiatus.

He'd felt horrible already about how badly he'd treated you, how he'd broken every ounce of trust and even broken up with you just to try and cover up his tracks - but he felt horrible about the group, as well.

JYPE had put out a notice on all platforms about Jisung's hiatus and how they didn't condone any of his actions, even apologizing for his behavior while on tour. Now as the tour went on, Jisung flew back to Korea and was to hole himself up in his room until things began to blow over.

Fans are upset, asking why he wouldn't be continuing the tour and defending him as best they could - before another tweet resurfaced from a woman who had slept with him while the group was in Chicago.

Fans began to slip away from the group. Their follower counts began to drop drastically, their songs quit hitting charts after Jisung's endeavors. It hurt the fandom to see one of the sweetest members of the group doing something so heinous.

The members quit going live on any platforms because when they did, they would be paraded with messages about Jisung - how they were awful for sticking by him.

Jeongin went on hiatus two months later near the end of the tour, after he'd been attacked by a group of 'fans' that saw him at a small convenience store.

Jisung had come out of his hiatus days later, releasing a song on YouTube that received many positive responses, to everyone's surprise. Fans made videos for him exclaiming how happy they were that he was back, that he looked happier than before and how they missed him.

Jeongin resigned from the company only a week after that. He'd claimed that seeing his Hyung hurting others had hurt him immensely, and that he no longer craved to be an idol if these were the things that came with it; If Jisung could still be so heavily supported after doing something so awful.

[kagumiya]

List 5 facts about a favourite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

my favorite child is of course, Felix, so how do i narrow this down to JUST FIVE? im really struggling that's why it took me long to reply thing is idk what to include so i was being a little indecisive dumbass its kinda stupid i had to think about this but here goes:

obviously he love Tyler the most and is borderline obsessed

1. He has one little sister, Marie, who is 9 years younger than him. He, of course, spoils her constantly. He learned to cook all her favorite meals and finds himself to enjoy cooking actually.

2. He's short tempered and snaps easily, same as his dad, that's why the two are constantly arguing. About everything really, school, hobbies, university choices, his outfit choices.. you name it!

3. His hobbies include: video games, playing music, writing songs, kissing annoying Tyler. Because of this he decided to get a degree in game design, but then dropped out midway to become a professional musician. Realized then later, it wasn't what he really wants, so he resumed his degree. Yes

4. He picked up smoking at some point and can't stop even after constantly trying to. Tyler hates it.

5. He doesn't comb his hair, only once after a shower and then let it do its own chaotic thing. What is a curling mouse he asks?

6. He hates coffee and- what that's already more than five? ok my bad 🫡🫠

seriously thanks for the ask 🫣🥰

if i keep this longer in drafts ill keep adding to it so just 'click post'

[minleeeknow]

track two - 'greedy' ft. lee know

‘pairing’ - 이민호 (lee minho) x fem!makeup artist

‘genre’ - fluff, angst, frenemies to lovers??

‘tw’ - angst, breakup, 14+, fluff

‘word count’ - 0.7 k

‘to get tagged’ - pls reply to the taglist post, this post or just ask me

‘lee’s notes’ - lowercase intended, not proofread, yn is korean (its easier for me to write), gidle soyeon!!

pls note, reblog, anything <; 3

~

‘previous track’ > ‘next track’

‘masterlist’

~

jun hangs up on you and lets you face the truth. a bitter laugh forms in the back of your throat as you replay his words in your head.

“i’m breaking up with you.” your hands feel cold as you tug the end of your hoodie string.

that’s so ironic, you think to yourself. feeling hurt feels wrong to you, since you were literally just kinda cheating on jun. you shake your head as you enter the boba shop before feeling a vibration in your pocket.

skz & ynnie

lixie: ynnie if ur at the boba shop

seungminnie: she is

yn: yes ill get you taro milk tea ik its ur favorite

lixie: get two lixie: ik its ur fav too

lino: can i have smth too?

yn: fiiiiiiiiine

seungminnie: i spy w my little eye smth that starts with s and ends with n

chan: is it–

yn: NO STFU SEUNGMIN

lino: yes

yn: goodbye.

hyunjin: yn can u stay for dinner when u come back?

you leave hyunjin on read as you order the two taro milk teas and a coffee one for minho otherwise he’ll give you grief when you come back.

when you get back you pretend nothing happened even though what jun said still takes up your mind. 

“thank you yn!” felix says, flashing his bright smile. he takes the tea and jabs the straw in quickly. minho somehow appears next to you and takes his.

“thanks,” he says, barely audible. he brushes his fingers against your hand and you unwillingly flinch. “hey, you okay?” lee know’s soft tone surprises you.

“i’m fine,” you force, rolling your eyes. seungmin frowns. “are you sure?”

you raise your eyebrows at seungmin. “you’re being suspiciously nice, seungmin.” he shrugs. you groan as all of stray kids appear, their faces worried.

“all right fine. jun broke up with me.”

they all gasp and you don’t see minho’s small smile as his hand skims over your hips. “WHAT,” hyunjin says loudly. “i’m going to–”

“let’s prank him,” seungmin comments mischievously. “you’re not going to do ANYTHING,” you announce sharply as you take a sip of your taro tea. “ugh, i’ll tell you at dinner. soyeon gets to know first,” you say giving them a knowing glance.

“ok i got to go, catch up later?” minho grabs your hand before you leave. “text me so i can take you,” he whispers into your ear. “please yn.” you nod slowly. “okay minho.”

lino: at ur door

the doorbell rings exactly at that moment and you feel your cheeks flush as soyeon winks at you. “let me know how it goes,” she grins. you roll your eyes as you open the door.

“hi.”

“hey.” lee know stares at you, his eyes going up and down your body. your hand stays awkwardly glued to the door as you and minho compete in a staring contest.

“minho, bring yn back in one piece, okay?” soyeon calls, breaking the silence between you two. minho smirks. “got it, soyeon,” he replies as you take his hand and step out.

“are you okay yn?” minho asks as soon as you’re out of the house. “i’m fine, why are you so worried?” you deflect the question, avoiding his eyes. he grabs your chin and makes you look up at him.

“i just want to make sure you’re okay and not like, i don’t know, devastatedly heartbroken or something,” minho responds sharply. 

“no, i’m most definitely heartbroken and sobbing inside that’s why i’m going out with you,” you retort sarcastically as lee know starts driving. he sighs. “i’m fine, you know that right?”

“yes,” he says finally. you fall silent for a minute before saying, “aren’t you supposed to be happy i don’t have a boyfriend anymore?”

minho hums the notes of megaverse before replying, “i don’t know, am i?”

“lee minho.” he laughs. “okay fine, i am. a little.” you raise your eyebrows until he admits, “fine i was lying. yes. a lot.”

“i really like you, yn.” you look away and out the window. his fingers stroke yours and you can’t pull away.

“i don’t know, minho.”

“i’ll wait.”

~

‘perm taglist’

@goldenjupiterz @adestayskz @piercidh34rts @imsiriuslyreal networks ! -

[strrykais]

im sorry to everyone for not posting for 2 days … ive had no motivation to work on anything fully i have 3 things in my drafts that i keep bouncing around on 😭 please forgive me !

so ill let you pick on what im gonna post maybe later today … idk

[blueberry-bubbles130]

My phone is almost dead but hmmm first question would be what are the AUs?y memory is horrible and there is no pinned post

Okay bear with here because I’ve got a lot, and some of them have been heavily changed. I’ll make a master post someday! And not all of them I’ve mentioned on my tumblr. So here’s the names and a bit of description of them:

Unworldly compulsion and consumption- (my main au)

Through a horrific accidents, Chloe is given the power of compulsion from a beast. This creates a series of horrific events as Chloe’s mental health spirals out of control and her powers cause massive problems.

Chloe basically becomes a vampiric cannibal, and ends up accidentally traumatising her own parents. She goes and visits multiple points in history, as a form of relaxation via Bunnyx.

Gabriel is more evil with being both a magical terrorist with a longer list of crimes to his name. And obsessing over Audrey. Though he doesn’t have his own weird secret society thing.

There are multiple secret societies/cults that exist and are trying to get the power of compulsion for themselves. (Gabriel was not allowed to be apart of any of these societies because no one likes him) with Richard Sphinx leading one.

Miraculous/Barbie crossover-

Through Pollen’s actions to give Chloe an actual chance at life, Chloe ends up in Barbie 12 dancing princess and princess and the pauper. She becomes a talented jouster, fencer and ballet dancer.

Pretty much an adoption/isekai au.

Hellfire and Ash-

Gabriel almost kills Andre and Audrey, then burns down the house to destroy any evidence. Nooroo takes Chloe to the kwamii realm where she’s raised. At the age of 12 she’s allowed to go to Francois DuPont where she makes her first real human friends.

Little Red Riding Chloe-

Literally just Little Red Riding Hood with miraculous characters. Chloe being Little Red Riding hood.

The Girl in the House-

Instead of Gabriel, Audrey has the butterfly and peacock miraculous. She works on her own and is trying to get the Ladybug and Cat miraculous so she relieve Andre of his illness and prevent future members of her family from suffering of it. She’s not abusive, though she is becoming more negligent.

Chloe turns to baking and gardening to deal with her emotions and starts dating Kagami.

Chloe comes under the “guardianship” and influence of toxic evil Kwamii who are constantly trying to get her to take over France and possibly the world. And eight years later, she’s constantly trying not give into her desire to do so.

Medieval princess Chloe-

Chloe’s a princess in the medieval era. This au is being overhauled because originally Audrey was evil, but her personality has accidentally went to Orchids and Memories Audrey.

Behold a pale horse! And its riders name was Death!- (a fic requested by one of my readers on ao3)

Chloe accidentally gets ahold of a full miraculous box, making her the new usher to herald in the new apocalypse. From there Chloe takes onto far too many responsibilities and most of the class end up involved trying to keep her lies going. Such as Chloe and Felix temporarily taking over Andre’s job as mayor of Paris. And most of the class trying to help raise Chloe’s little brother.

The only reason she ends up taking on so many responsibilities is because she uses the miraculous of pestilence too early and accidentally infects her parents with it. So they spend most of the fic dying of multiple separate diseases.

The miraculous are based off of the four horsemen and the 10 aspects from Bleach (I have never seen Bleach) as well as some other miraculous Chloe gets along the way. Also some inspiration from Youjo Senki.

Miraculous/Tales of Terror crossover-

Is literally just the final segment of Tales of Terror (1962). But with miraculous characters.

Orchids and Memories-

Chloe comes under the “guardianship” and influence of toxic evil Kwamii who are constantly trying to get her to take over France and possibly the world. And eight years later when Chloe is 22, she’s constantly trying not give into her desire to do so.

Miraculous/Fallout crossover-

Chloe ends up in Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas.

(This is on hiatus for the foreseeable future, due to it causing sleeping problems)

Miraculous/Coraline crossover-

Chloe and Adrien runaway coming across the Other mother.

[dudadragneel]

Hello guys! It's me!

How are you?

AND IT'S FINALLY HERE! 2000+ YEARS LATER! A NEW FIC!

This one was requested by 💗! Again, I'm sorry that it took so long, my dear 🥺

Hope you enjoy it!

💗

hello Duda! Felix stan here! I’ve been wanting to do an ask for you for some time but i’ve been too shy, your recent post made this feel like it was a good opportunity. I would love if you would do a fic where felix wakes up with a really bad headache, and tries to hide it from his members, but chan takes one look at him and knows he’s unwell. Felix’s condition gets worse throughout the day, especially at dance practice. I would love to see a moment where chan is like, are you okay and Felix tries to say yes but is feeling nauseous and ends up throwing up. hair holding is the best!! A trope i like is a sickie with constant nausea, keeps thinking he’s done and there’s nothing left, but then there’s another small gush and they end up having to camp out in the bathroom or with a bucket. Also the trip of a sickie who likes having company when sick, but doesn’t like having people touch them a lot and appreciates some privacy while throwing up.He can’t keep anything down and has a high fever, headache, body aches, etc, basically he is just miserable. After a day or two of this they take him to the doctor and he has the flu, but Chan and the members take care of him.

HIDING

An idol's life consisted of basically recording songs, filming mvs and other content for their fans, dance practices, concerts, music shows, photoshoots, you name it. Of course, they had breaks throughout the year and sometimes they used them to visit their families or they would record surprise content for STAYs.

Because of their busy lives, injuries, and illnesses were quite common, and to the disappointment of a lot of STAYs, being sick not always kept them from taking part in activities. Even if they were injured or sick they would still attend concerts and other activities.

They would usually sit out any schedules if they were really ill or if the injury was serious and they were in a considerable amount of pain.

The boys were in the middle of preparation for their new album, which meant they had a lot of photoshoots, song recordings, choreographies, and other stuff. It was an overall stressful time, even if they loved what they did.

Since Felix had to minimize his participation during MANIAC promotion because of a back injury, he wanted to give 110% on the other comebacks. He did take part in music shows but his dancing was cut to a minimum, just the amount he could do without further injuring his back.

Today they had mostly dance practice, as they were still in the process of creating the choreography and making adjustments.

Being a main dancer, Felix looked forward to dance practice but today wasn't exactly like that.

He woke up and immediately noticed his head was hurting, he'd even risk saying it was hurting even before he woke up. But because it was winter season, he quickly brushed it off as being due to cold weather.

He got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to get ready for the day. He wasn't going to take a shower before dance practice because he would get sweaty anyway. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, but when he lifted his head to look at the mirror, he felt lightheaded, he wouldn't say it was dizziness because it felt different, it felt off but he couldn't properly explain what he felt. It was as if he had lost balance.

He took a deep breath and washed his face one more as if to shake off the odd feeling and went back to his bedroom to get ready to leave.

By now Chan was already walking around waking up the remaining sleeping members and met with Felix in the hallway.

- Good morning, Felix

- Good morning, hyung.

Chan immediately noticed something was off about Felix, he wasn't as bubbly as he usually is and he had this slightly pained expression on his face.

- You okay?

- Yes. I'm still a little sleepy.

Chan knew better than to keep pushing them to tell what was really going on, so he accepted the answer and continued with his task.

Felix changed his clothes and decided to take something for his headache so it could go away quicker. He knew he shouldn't do it on an empty stomach but desperate times call for desperate measures. He just wanted that pain to be gone, he didn't want it annoying him during practice.

He ate breakfast with the other members, gathered his stuff and they all left for the company.

They started the day with song recording and things already started going wrong from there. He hadn't noticed it at first when he woke up but his throat was kind of itchy, as he could tell by how it was a little difficult to sing in a lower tone. Every time he tried, some he succeeded but others he had to hold a cough so the members wouldn't get worried.

But Chan always coordinated recording sessions, so he, more than anyone else, knew something was wrong.

- Felix, let's take a break.

He said from outside the recording booth, he didn't want to keep asking what was wrong because he wanted to respect Felix's space. If the boy wanted to say, he would.

Felix was more than grateful for the break his hyung gave because his headache had increased a bit during the recording.

While the other members were recording he went to get some water then got back to the studio and stayed with Chan, Changing, and Han.

After a few minutes, he started dozing off and thought the medication was finally kicking in but strangely, the headache wasn't going away, it was getting stronger.

It hurt him to admit but even the members talking was starting to annoy him. And he kept thinking how he'd be able to practice later, with that blasting song inside the room.

At one point, he completely zoned out, he kept his eyes glued on the floor and it took him a few seconds to realize the members were calling him.

- Yongbok-ah?

- Felix? Hey, Felix?

Chan and the others said gently tapping him on the shoulder.

- Hm? I'm sorry

- Are you okay?

- Yes...I guess I'm a bit tired...

- It's your turn again and then we'll wrap up this part.

- Okay.

Felix got inside the recording booth and took a few deep breaths to control that annoying ticklish sensation in his throat. Fortunately, the first recording session ended great and he thought his hyungs didn't notice anything wrong.

They had a little break before the other recording session and then a lunch break.

Felix just lay on the couch and covered his head with his hoodie, the light was starting to bother him a little bit and honestly, he just wanted to rest.

Eventually, Hyunjin came in and cuddled with him for a bit before returning to work. Felix wasn't sure how he felt about that, at that exact moment, if he wanted to or not but it definitely felt comforting.

The other half of the recording session went better than the first and was quicker as well.

Lunchtime came as fast as everyone wanted, except Felix. Even though he should be hungry because he ate very little at breakfast, his stomach had a burning sensation, because he decided to take medication on an empty stomach.

While all the others were happy to get some food in, Felix was facing a difficult choice - eat something even though his stomach didn't seem like it would accept it well or not eat, worry his hyungs, and risk passing out during practice.

He went with the safer option, but he decided to eat a little less than usual, which he thought the members wouldn't suspect anything, after all, one's appetite can change a lot.

He ate his lunch, way too slowly for his own liking, not only because his stomach didn't want anything, but also because the tingly sensation in his throat had turned into a mild sore throat.

He did manage to eat everything and drink some juice but afterward, he felt full, way too full for someone who ate so little. The burning sensation was now replaced with a feeling of being bloated.

Thankfully, they had a little rest before beginning dance practice, after all, doing harsh movements right after eating is never a good decision.

Although lying down right after a meal is not the best for your stomach, that's everything he needed right now. And that nap right before dance practice was heavenly. For a moment, he didn't feel anything, no sore throat, no headache, nothing. He thought that all he needed after all was a proper meal and a good rest. But he would soon find out things were just starting to get bad.

Creating new choreographies can be challenging and idols are known for their performance, so to master a choreo, sometimes they'd spend an entire night on the company.

Lee Know was one of the main dancers of the group and the one who usually helped create and perfect the choreos. Dancing sessions could be fun and sometimes as serious as one could imagine, after all this was their job.

Because of his back injury, Felix couldn't take part in all dance practices so now that he has recovered he wanted to give 110% of himself even during practice.

He wasn't going to let a headache and some mild sore throat disturb him, not now that he could actually dance.

Practice began, easy at first, since they were still in the process of coming up with the steps. Much to Felix's misery, this part required listening to the same song over and over again, bit by bit, to get the rhythm and the beats and then start to create the choreography.

It started with nice, easy steps, counting and following along to the beat slowly, not needing to put so much effort as of the moment. But then it started to get bad.

By the nth time the song was playing, Felix's headache was almost throbbing along to the beat, making him feel frustrated. Since they were not actually dancing yet, he stepped away to drink some water and calm down to see if he could get rid of that throbbing sensation.

He didn't notice, but the whole time, from the moment he stepped into that room, Chan kept checking on him. He didn't want to frustrate Felix by insisting that he sat out that session but he would step in if things got worse.

Again, the same process repeated, listening to the song, counting, steps, repeat. It went on for about an hour before they had basically a whole potential choreography ready to be fully rehearsed.

By now, Felix's headache was almost begging him to stop and rest, the throbbing sensation from before had increased.

Before they started the actual rehearsal, they had a little water break to make sure no one was dehydrated. Felix grabbed his water bottle and took careful sips of it, something felt strange in his stomach. But as he finished drinking, he had a small coughing fit that caught the others' attention.

- Hey, Yongbok-ah, are you okay?

- Y-yes, hyung. I just choked.

He said trying to laugh a little bit. He was now wondering for how long he would be able to keep the facade of "being well" up.

They finally started practicing the newly created choreography, and just like always it had really dynamic movements, much to Felix's misery this time.

As he danced, he felt every muscle in his body start to ache, as if he had been dancing since last night, non-stop. And Chan didn't take his eyes off of him not for one minute.

As they finished passing the choreography 2 times, Felix broke into a harsher coughing fit, to the point where he almost gagged.

- Hey, Yongbok-ah, are you sure you're okay?

- Y-yes, it's just dust, it made my throat really itchy.

He wasn't lying, his throat felt itchy, but his stomach was also acting weird. It felt heavy, gurgly.

He took another sip of water and took deep breaths before they started dancing again.

As they were passing the choreography for the 5th time that day, Felix's body started to show clear signs it didn't want to keep moving, but he was determined to practice, he didn't want to sit out anything this time. However, just his force of will wouldn't be enough this time.

Each movement just made his head sting in pain over and over again. And his stomach as well, he could feel everything sloshing around with every movement he made.

Each step just made that feeling worse, as if his stomach was spinning inside him. He tried to keep himself focused on the dance but the steps by the end of the choreo were even more dynamic, everything he ate that day was threatening to make an appearance soon.

Him wanting to keep dancing wasn't enough, as his body started to not keep up with the rhythm anymore, his movements became sluggish, which was unusual for him. Chan and Minho noticed that and the leader glued his eyes on Felix for the rest of the choreography, if anything happened he'd be there to help in a flash.

The song ended, finally, and everyone just fell to the ground, exhausted. Felix just stopped and blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the throbbing sensation in his head. Now that he had stopped moving, everything he was feeling while dancing, intensified.

The nausea was basically unbearable, everything was sloshing around and he could feel it start making its way up his chest, and to top that, he was feeling dizzy as well. He straightened his back and took deep breaths as he started swallowing the thick saliva filling his mouth.

Chan made his way close to Felix and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

- Hey, Felix, are you okay?

Feliz wanted to say yes, but he knew there was nothing he could actually hide from his leader.

He tried to answer but was immediately cut off by his stomach contracting and sending hot liquid up his throat faster than he could've reacted.

He bent over quickly as his stomach contracted one more time making him gag harshly and making vomit gush out of his mouth hitting the ground with a sickening sound.

- Oh my god! Felix!

Chan said as he started rubbing his dongsaeng's back. Everyone in the room was shocked by the sudden situation, some froze and some ran towards him to which Chan immediately told them not to.

- Don't. Give him some space and get me a trash can.

The boys did as their leader told them and quickly grabbed the trash can in the room and placed it under Felix's mouth.

He grabbed his knees for support while Chan held his hair out of his face. Felix spat out a few times before his stomach let out a concerning sound and sent even more chunky vomit out of his mouth, now hitting inside the trash can. He didn't even have time to catch his breath before throwing up one more time, now with such force his back arched painfully and vomit came out of his nose as well.

- Breathe, Felix.

Chan said as he tied the poor boy's hair into a bun and changed his approach. Now he decided to rub Felix's chest and tummy to try to provide some comfort.

- I'm right here.

Felix spat out a stream of saliva and he thought he was done, that everything was out.

- Straighten your back a little.

Felix did as he was told and took deep breaths. For a brief moment, he felt some relief. But it was indeed just for a brief moment, his body was decided to get rid of everything inside his stomach.

He bent over again and Chan proceeded to rub his chest and tummy to try to help him vomit whatever was still upsetting his stomach.

Chan pressed down gently on his stomach, which answered quickly by sending up another thick wave of vomit.

- There you go. Get it all out.

Another wave of watery vomit came right after, mixing with the putrid mess inside the trash can. After this, he kept gagging and gagging but nothing was coming out.

- Felix, I think you're done. If you keep forcing it you'll hurt your throat.

He handed him a bottle of cold water so the boy could rinse his mouth.

- How are you feeling?

- Awful, hyung...

- Let's sit down for a bit. Kids, get your stuff, we're leaving early.

Chan guided Felix to sit on the couch with him because the boy was looking pale and he could actually faint at any moment.

- How long have you been feeling like this?

Chan asked while still rubbing Felix's back.

- Since morning... It started with a headache but things just escalated...

- What are you feeling now?

- My head hurts a lot and my stomach is churning...

- Maybe you caught a cold?

- Maybe...hyung can we go home? I want to sleep...

- Yes.

The kids grabbed their stuff and Felix's while Chan helped him walk to the van.

Felix sat beside Hyunjin and the poor sick boy quickly fell asleep on his shoulder. Chan, who was in the front seat would turn around every now and then to see how the boy was doing.

- How is he?

- Still sleeping.

The boys answered. For half of the ride, everything was going smoothly but then Felix's stomach let out a loud gurgle, that everybody in that car that didn't have earphones on, heard.

He opened his eyes and lifted his head from Hyunjin's shoulder.

- I'm gonna throw up...

The boys quickly started to search for plastic bags or anything he could be sick in. And thankfully Minho had a plastic bag with him from something he had bought to eat.

He passed it to Felix who barely had the strength to hold it. Changbin who was sitting beside him as well, helped him hold it as the poor boy proceeded to throw up one more time, Hyunjin rubbing his back throughout the process.

- Felix, do you want us to pull over?

- N-no-

Was all he managed to say before another bout of vomit escaped from his mouth, mixing with the liquid inside the bag.

- It's okay. You're okay.

Hyunjin said as he continued to rub his back.

Thankfully, they got to the dorms quickly and proceeded to take care of the poor boy.

Chan helped him out of the car and wrapped his arm around Felix's waist to help him walk to the elevator.

Once inside the dorm, the leader gave out the orders to try to get Felix comfortable as soon as possible.

- I'll stay with him so he can take a shower. I want you guys to get a change of clothes for him, make some light soup, and get his bed ready.

- Yes, hyung.

It was the right choice to stay with Felix inside the bathroom because a few minutes into the shower he started to feel faint. All the exertion from the day caught up to him in a flash.

As he was taking his bath, he felt his feet start to sink beneath him, as if the ground had suddenly become like jelly and he saw black dots in his vision. To add to his misery, his stomach also responded to the sudden malaise, building up a strong nausea.

- Hyung...I feel weird...

Chan who was looking at his cell phone and still keeping an eye on Felix, quickly tossed the phone aside.

- What's wrong?

He said, already hurrying to his dongsaeng's aide.

He managed to get Felix before the boy collapsed and carefully guided him to sit down.

- Do you feel like you're gonna throw up?

- Hmm...

Feliz gagged right after answering and felt liquid coming up his throat. He just leaned forward as a stream of thick bile came out without much effort, his body was tired and his stomach was basically empty. Chan just rubbed his back, and held his hair back and patiently waited until his dongsaeng felt a little relieved to help him back to the shower.

When he finished showering, he felt as if he had only the strength to go to bed, but he needed to eat something so he could take some painkillers for his headache.

Chan walked out of the bathroom supporting Felix and guided him to the couch where the boy almost sunk into the cushions. In a few moments, the others appeared with some soup for him.

- Thanks, guys...

He said, really softly.

The soup smelled nice and it tasted even better. He ate it very carefully so as not to upset his stomach and risk throwing up everything.

It took some time but he managed to eat everything and right after he started to doze off.

Chan woke him up very tenderly to take him to the bedroom.

- Hey, Felix, let's go get some sleep.

Felix barely opened his eyes, so Chan helped him up and took him to the bedroom. He lay him down and covered him and within minutes, the sick boy was fast asleep.

Chan's instincts told him it would be better to stick around in case Felix needed anything so he told Lee Know to go sleep in his bedroom, as the boy was probably tired from teaching all the choreography.

And he wasn't wrong, a few hours into the night, Felix started to feel even worse than before.

He was tossing and turning on the bed and no position was comfortable. His headache was still there and his stomach was acting up again.

It started doing flips, so he tried laying on his back and covered his eyes with his arm.

On top of that, his whole body was aching and he was shivering too much for his own liking, he was drenched in sweat as if he was inside a sauna but he felt too cold to take the blanket off.

Because he was shivering, his body was tense and kept contracting with each shiver which made the nausea build up.

He felt something come up his throat, his mouth started to fill with saliva so he started swallowing convulsively while keeping his eyes squeezed shut and taking deep breaths.

It passed for a few minutes so he decided to turn to lay on his side again, but that was the last straw for his stomach. The movement made it jump and sent its contents rushing up, he knew he wouldn't be able to swallow it down this time. He needed to get to the bathroom otherwise he would throw up all over the bed.

Chan, who was sleeping close to him, noticed all the shifting and woke up to assess the situation of the younger boy.

- Hey, Lix, is everything okay?

- Hyung, I need to throw up.

Chan took a quick look at Felix and noticed he looked pale and at the same time really flushed and his bangs were sticking to his forehead. He helped the young up and took him to the bathroom.

However the sick boy's temperature did not go unnoticed, the moment Chan touched Felix's skin he was alarmed by how hot the boy was.

- Oh my god Felix! You're burning up!

Getting to the bathroom, Chan immediately guided Felix to kneel in front of the toilet as he would probably pass out if he kept standing.

As soon as he was down on his knees, his stomach contracted sending what he had eaten a few hours ago gushing out of his mouth.

- There you go.

Chan said as he held Felix's hair and checked his forehead.

- You're really burning up Felix.

He felt the sick boy shivering under his touch as he rubbed his back after tying his hair into a ponytail.

Felix's stomach contracted forcefully arching his back to the point Chan grew concerned about his previous injury.

Watery, gooey vomit escaped his lips hitting the toilet water with a sickening sound, almost making Chan gag.

He was getting really concerned, it's been some time since he last saw Felix in such a state.

Felix coughed a few times before his stomach sent even more vomit up making him arch his back. Chan kept rubbing his back, changing between up and down and circles.

After a few more rounds of mostly gooey vomit, Felix was just gagging unproductively and panting. He felt too hot and suffocated, as if he was inside a sauna and couldn't breathe and his throat was hurting a lot.

- Felix, straighten your back a little, I think you're done.

Chan said, flushing the toilet to get rid of that awful sight and smell.

The sick boy was shivering even more than before, Chan kept rubbing his back, but even the slightest touch was hurting, his skin was on fire, and even his clothes were hurting him.

He started crying, everything was too much, his head was throbbing, his throat was aching and his whole body burned.

- Hyung, it hurts! I just want it to stop!

The boy said breaking down in tears.

Chan proceeded to rub the sick boy's chest trying to provide him some comfort and calm him down.

- I'm right here. You'll be okay. Let me take your temperature.

He grabbed the thermometer that was inside one of the drawers of the bathroom cabinet.

- 40°c! Oh my god, Felix! We need to go to the hospital. We need to find out what's going on.

Felix was barely there, he felt too tired from everything and he was getting sleepy.

- Hyung...I'm tired...I just want to sleep...

- It's okay. You can go to sleep, hyung is right here with you.

By now, all of the boys were already up and just waiting outside the bathroom, as they heard some noises coming from the inside.

- Chan hyung, is everything okay?

- No. Felix is really sick. He needs to go to the hospital. Can someone bring my phone?

Lee know quickly got back with Chan's phone and handed it over to the older boy who called the manager.

- The manager will be here soon. I'll go with him. The rest of you stay here and try to get some rest. I'll keep you guys updated.

- Okay, hyung.

The manager arrived, Chan picked Felix up and took him to the car.

He lay all his weight on his hyung, he wanted someone to take care of him, he wanted comfort and he also couldn't control his body anymore.

In a few minutes, they arrived at the hospital, thankfully the manager had contacted their doctor before leaving the dorm so he was waiting for them.

- Felix, we're here. Can you stand?

- No...

- Okay, I'll help you. Come on.

Chan helped Felix out of the car, wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, and walked with him to the doctor's office.

Taking just a glance at Felix, the doctor immediately told the nurse to put him on IV drips, given how pale he looked, he knew he was dehydrated and that the case was serious.

- Yongbok-ah, what happened? What are you feeling?

The boy could barely keep his eyes open and he was afraid that if he started talking, he'd throw up again.

- I started feeling weird when I woke up... I thought it was just a headache but it kept getting worse. It started throbbing, my throat started hurting and my stomach felt weird... I ended up throwing up and when I was sleeping I started sweating... And Chan-hyung noticed that I had a fever...

- We'll take a blood sample and see what's going on. For now, you'll stay here on IV drips because you're obviously dehydrated and malnourished.

After a few minutes, the doctor came back with the results.

- Well, from what we discovered from the blood sample, you have the flu. That's why the symptoms got worse throughout the day, and they were aggravated because of how much strain you put your body through during dance practice. I'll give you the prescription for the medications and I advise you don't take part in any sort of activity for at least a week. Otherwise, this flu won't get better and it could actually get worse because your immune system is already under pressure.

- Understood.

- You're free to go once the IV drip is done.

- Thank you, doctor.

Felix was coming in and out of consciousness because of how weak he felt and how high his fever was. Chan sat by his side and texted the others to give them an update on Felix's health.

- Hey kids.

- Chan-hyung! How's Felix?

- He's on IV drips right now. He was too dehydrated and malnourished when we got here. They took a blood sample and found out he has the flu.

- But it was so sudden...

- Actually, he said that he felt weird since morning but his symptoms escalated too quickly throughout the day. The doctor told him to stay put for at least a week. The manager will see how our schedules will change.

- Understood. You're coming back to the dorm, right? He won't need to stay in the hospital, right?

- The doctor said we could go home once the IV drip is done. Can you please change Felix's bedsheets and get him a change of clothes, for when we get back?

- Of course, hyung.

- See you soon. Bye.

When Chan finished texting the kids, Felix woke up for a while, still looking green.

- Hyung...I wanna throw up.

Felix said already trying to get up.

Chan quickly got a sick bag for him and held it in front of his mouth since the boy barely had the strength to hold it.

Felix opened his mouth and vomit gushed out, watery and gooey just like before, because his stomach was completely empty but still wanted to make him feel miserable.

He burped which brought up another stronger wave that arched his back and Chan placed a hand there and started rubbing circles on it.

- It's okay. It's best if you let everything out. Hyung's right here.

Felix coughed up another wave mixing with what was already inside the almost completely filled sick bag.

- Felix, you're just dry-heaving now. Your throat is already hurting, if you keep doing that it will only worsen.

Felix knew that but he felt nauseous either way, he didn't want to get away from that sick bag, even though he felt his stomach empty, there was still this lingering feeling that he was going to throw up again, anytime.

- Come on. Let's breathe together okay? Take a deep breath in...hold it...and now exhale... Keep going...

Chan guided Felix through this pattern for a few minutes before the boy felt somewhat less nauseous, at least better enough to lay back down and wait for the IV drip to end.

In the meantime, the nurse noticed Felix had thrown up again and came back with an intravenous nausea medication.

- This will help with your nausea. It will feel strange at first but it will work in a few minutes.

- Thank you.

Felix went back to sleep and within 1h30 the IV drip was finally over.

He did feel a little better, the nausea wasn't completely gone but it had died down a little, thankfully. The doctor gave them the prescription and once again told them that Felix needed full rest to be able to get better.

The ride back to the dorm was calm, with no incidents along the way, with him dozing off all the time.

Arriving at the dorms, 6 worried boys were waiting for them.

- How's he, Hyung?

- The doctor said he has the flu. He told him he needs a full week of rest.

- There's a set of clothes in his bedroom.

- Thank you, guys.

Chan was taking Felix to his bedroom when the boy halted on his feet.

- Hyung... I'm gonna throw up...

- Okay, come on.

He brought the sick boy to the bathroom and guided him to kneel in front of the toilet.

Felix opened his mouth and coughed until he gagged. He kept gagging but nothing but thick saliva was coming up. A wet burp brought up a tiny wave of watery vomit but nothing more, leaving the boy feeling miserable.

- Felix, I know you're not feeling well, but your stomach is empty...

- But...I feel too nauseous...

- I'll bring an antiemetic to you, wait here.

Chan came back with a pill, that thankfully was a capsule because Felix was sure that if he tasted any medicine he'd throw up in a second. He took it with a sip of water and waited in the bathroom in case he felt sick again.

After some time, his stomach was feeling a little less nauseous.

- Do you think it's safe to go to the bedroom?

- Yeah...

- Can you stand?

- No...

- Okay, I'll help you.

Chan picked him up and carried the sick boy to the bedroom.

He lay him on the bed and covered him with a blanket to help with the fever. He also brought a bucket and placed it close to Felix just in case something happened during the night and also to not make the boy walk all the way to the bathroom every time he needed to throw up.

Chan settled beside Felix, wanting to be there to help at any time.

The others also gathered up in the room to keep them company and also to be of help.

The following days consisted of numerous trips to the bathroom, with Felix barely managing to keep anything down. His fever spiked every so often, with the boys taking turns to take care of him.

Needless to say that as he was getting better, the others fell ill one after the other, because they didn't want to leave each other's side.

[suffarustuffaru]

actually here’s an interesting question that’s been in my head for a hot minute now: what do you think a crusch if/other faction if would look like?

one of my favorite characters has always been crusch (probably my favorite aside from julius?), and interestingly it was the moment after the battle of the white whale that sold her for me- her convo with subaru was so genuine and full of respect and it since then has stood out amongst my favorites since it’s one of the first times subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized for his decisions ^_^

it also piqued my interest because there’s definitely implications/said somewhere that if subaru met crusch first he’d choose her, which makes me think about how that dynamic would play out, ya know? like we haven’t really gotten a huge expansion on crusch herself as we have with anastasia/pricilla and soon felt

also a crusch: if would toootally have different relationships defining wilhelm & felix too and basically everyone else lol

love ur analyses keep up da good work fam!!!!!!!

YO its cool seeing a crusch fan around :DD !! also thank you very much for liking my analysis posts pfft. also whew….. ive been writing my answer for this ask on and off for a while hah its super long oops wkdndnsn

but ok its super interesting to hear what drew you to crusch in the first place - crusch is a character im definitely interested in (i would LOVE to see her finally expanded upon!!) and shes such a respectable person for sure <3 and you definitely have a point that its one of the first time subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized!! though i didnt know that there were implications that if subaru met crusch first he'd choose her - i suppose that makes sense in that subaru really respects and likes crusch, and hes such a moldable character - for lack of a better term - bc its sooo easy for him to go in all sorts of different directions. a crusch if is an interesting possibility and im sure it absolutely wouldve happened in some form in some other universe :O !!

alright. as for a crusch if - yeah youre right, thered be such a different dynamic between subaru, the crusch camp, and everyone around them. :o im not Entirely sure how a crusch if would go but i certainly have ideas!!! though im not sure if im entirely an expert on them given i still havent finished the wilhelm-centric ex novels or read many crusch camp stories, but i did read ex 1 and 4 and enjoyed them quite a lot <3 along with you know, the main route. but i do really like the crusch camp and i hope theyre expanded upon eventually.

gonna put More thoughts under the cut (note that i have a Lot of opinions on the crusch camp hah):

ok first of all. i think that the crusch camp Does have a little wasted potential in canon and i think that crusch if is the perfect opportunity to explore Everything with crusch camp. just in the sense that you know, crusch hasnt been expanded upon just yet. not that felt has been expanded upon much either but at least we get a lot of details about her and her whole backstory with being a member of the royal family + her relationship with rom opens itself up to a lot of possibilities (theres a lot of History going around in the felt camp regarding felt, reinhard, carol and grimm, rom, etc being in the same camp given their family connections, demihuman war history, etc).

and not that we Dont get details about crusch of course, but i feel that even in her Own centric content, shes a little overshadowed by Everyone else sometimes. like i WANT to focus more on crusch as a person!! she gets cool moments yeah, but as much as i enjoyed reading ex1 im forever gonna be salty that her plot in ex1 was like about people having problems with her gender expression (ill go into this again later bc i know its connected to that plot point of crusch as a noble leader vs crusch as. a woman.) for more than half the runtime and everyone around her was discussing about what to do with her. and then in main route shes put through the RINGER between being cut down by gluttony, having her memories erased, and the dragon blood in arc 5 - and yet it STILL feels like the story doesnt focus enough on HER own pain. how is SHE feeling about this????? shes getting her shit rocked left and right and her sense of identity is being shaken along with it (see: her becoming more shy and withdrawn after her memories are gone) and yet i feel like we STILL dont hear about her Directly enough T^T

and also i Dont like that in the main route, the crusch camps connections to the royal family (with wilhelm being assigned to aid the royal family and bc of that heinkel was assigned to the white whale and so theresia went in heinkels stead + ferris and crusch's relationships with fourier) ARENT that explored. esp when like felt comes into play publically in arc 3 and the crusch camp BARELY REACTS. YOU THINK THEY WOULD REACT MORE TO FELT BEING HERE AND REINHARD SPONSORING FELT. its especially kind of painful after you read ex1 and its like ?? so why didnt they react more to felt being there??? related to + looking exactly like crusch and ferris's dead boyfriend, nonetheless, esp when their goal is to kill the dragon bc the royal family all died as far as they knew and NOW theres someone in the royal family that actually lived???? whos a rival for the throne now??? also i feel like the potential of like. ferris and wilhelms dynamic isnt explored either. like i have to wonder how they seem like theyre on decent/good terms in canon when ferris is friends with reinhard, wilhelms role in the demihuman war, and also wilhelm fucking up his family (with ferris being Aware of a lot of reinhards family situation, of course). and also of course wilhelm has Things going on with rom and carol and grimm bc demihuman war... ex novel things...

so like i think that inherently the crusch and felt camps ARE kind of sort of intertwined in this way bc of ALL these reasons. so i think if youre exploring crusch camp content all of this SHOULD be acknowledged. or maybe thats the felt camp fan in me talking but i DO GENUINELY THINK THE CRUSCH AND FELT CAMPS ARE CONNECTED A LOT ☝️☝️☝️

and so ok back to crusch if things!!!! i have no idea how the Exact plot goes but like i think this is all very dependent on how the crusch if divergence even starts. which Makes sense but yeah :o i mean i feel like i can only see it happening right from the get go in arc 1. and also this goes with what you said - if subaru met them first he'd probs choose to join them. but tbh i also kinda sort of like the possibility that maybe at least Some of arc 1 still happened in another font so subaru can be like "yeah lol this blond girl with red eyes was there along with this giant dude and t -" and crusch and ferris are thinking "OK IT COULD BE ANY RANDOM GIRL WITH BLOND HAIR AND RED EYES THATS NOT A COMPLETE GUARANTEE ITS SOMEONE FROM THE ROYAL FAMILY RIGHT??" and also wilhelms gonna vaguely go "hey whats this giants name again....." anyway yeah gotta plant those seeds for future plot things???? yes. also its a good segue into subaru learning more crusch camp related history yes. maybe that (subarus arc 1 info) is what allows him to join crusch camp too????? yeah im having trouble brainstorming ideas on how he even joins the camp but im guessing its a “subaru accidentally stumbles across stuff and crusch camp is like well i guess we just Kinda have to let you in……. like taking pity on a stray kitten…… maybe youll be useful… and also we do pity you a bit yeah you seem very lost” thing. 👍👍👍

(or alternatively you could have subaru branch off into crusch camp at arc 3 or smth given hes like actually physically at their place and away from emilia camp now but at the same time i doubt that could even happen given the position he was in arc 3???? like post-royal selection drama?? yeah i dont really see it happening imo HAH)

anyway. yeah so its like. inevitably subaru is gonna figure out you know the history behind all of the others in the crusch camp. like whether thats by doing his own research - especially bc you know wilhelm, crusch, ferris are all very well known by this point and have all kinds of rumors and info on them flying around - and also like. by getting closer with everyone. i think that if subaru joined crusch camp early, either he knows hes got rbd bc of arc 1 and manages to avoid it for a while, is my guess, given crusch camp doesnt get involved in life threatening things until. the white whale.

but until then i think subarus probably not gonna die. and i think hes probs gonna be in Fear of that happening again, maybe he blocks out a bit of arc 1 some more bc ahhaah i havent died or anything in so long so surely that never happened. maybe he tries to tell crusch once he gets closer with her or maybe he doesnt try at all bc hahaha did that even happen???? or maybe he asks her about her dp and if its Only about truths from that persons pov rather than Fact and shes like "yeah no its personal truths only, so even if someone is completely wrong about a fact but Believes it wholeheartedly its still gonna register as the truth" and hes like FUCK ok. smth like that?? yes. gotta give him inner turmoil even when hes not actively in danger. bc he Would have that yes. but either way i think he’d be curious and wanna know the specifics of her dp anyway!!!

yeah so anyway the white whale happens and subarus whole shit gets wrecked oops.... and my guess is that you know hes gonna loop a whole shit ton of times and its gonna be complete and utter hell for him. but also this is kind of a little bit dependent on how exactly the royal selection goes for him - but i HIGHLY doubt itd go the same as canon. i doubt he’d even make a scene, tbh—i mean assuming subaru joins crusch camp very early somehow, between crusch and ferris and wilhelm the three of them are gonna Really whip him into shape. metaphorically beat his s1 flaws out of him. bc like—i mean in canon subaru Did learn and grow yes, but he didnt Have to learn everything so harshly (ok but canon subaru Did have to get beat in the duel though or he wouldve died skcbsnd but i still think that subaru can still learn the same lessons more Gently whenever possible. hes a normal teenage boy trying his best!!). i think crusch camp would be good for him in this way, i mean crusch is a very duty-focused person and ferris and wilhelm are blunt people. ferris especially is not gonna take any bullshit wkdndnd (ESPECIALLY when subaru could humiliate crusch and the entire camp) and wilhelm sees himself in subaru and is gonna go “ah…….. you should. not act like that. let me train you.” and ALSO im a firm believer and enjoyer in the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship and i think that reinhard ESPECIALLY must have communicated with crusch camp about felt before arc 3, otherwise crusch camp wouldve had a stronger reaction to felts grand entrance into the royal selection. also if subarus getting closer to crusch camp then of course he figures out stuff like the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship.

again not entirely sure about specific plot beats but depending on how things go emilia camp may or may not get royally fucked (as an emilia camp enjoyer im very saddened by this 😔) but i DO feel like subaru would still be sympathetic towards them in a crusch if. and also theres Definitely gonna be at least one loop during arc 3 where the white whale Does erase crusch and wilhelm and ferris goes insane (like how they end up in pride if. yeah.) so subaru gets to see the consequences if they lose to the white whale. but i DO think that the final loop should still have the consequences of crusch being targeted by gluttony and losing her memories. its interesting to explore!!! especially if subaru himself still becomes a victim of gluttony in some way—maybe they both become victims of gluttony there?? or it happens to subaru later?? and i feel like arc 5 is Definitely another opportunity for some crazy looping. for sure.

also roswaal may want to try some shit bc Why is subaru in another camp this is not according to plan. so more opportunities to torture subaru 👍👍👍 and also crusch camp in canon keeps taking one L after another so you know. familiar territory in terms of how subaru and co are doing 😭😭😭😭

but anyway. i think a crusch camp and felt camp alliance (or Almost alliance?) is in order bc. well we know subaru he tries to fix things. hes nosy. he learns eventually All the crusch camp history and is like ok so why arent we allies with felt camp at least for rn??? like urging wilhelm to make it up with reinhard and such, etc etc. and crusch and felt are the candidates that are both Very deeply unsatisfied with the current system of lugunica and want to remake everything to be better!! and also like. how does ferris even feel about wilhelm. i lowkey want crusch if to have a plot beat where ferris-crusch-subaru metaphorically beat up wilhelm for being Terrible. actually scratch lowkey i want highkey. and i think crusch is just like yeah sorry i do respect you in a lot of ways wilhelm and youre a very key member in our camp and i appreciate it but also fighting against demihumans in the demihuman war + being awful to your family was definitely. 😬 ESPECIALLY since she grew up with ferris too okay. she and her dad literally took in ferris after being stuck in a basement for the first nine years of his life. and while ferris and reinhards family situations are Very Different, the common thread is generational trauma and Passed Down abilities/traits that also relate to the trauma so. i feel like ferris at Least has some secret strong feelings about wilhelm ok i dont care what tappei has to say on this (actually i do care but i will care less if tappei has a bad take on this bc ferris and reinhard are FRIENDS + WILHELM WAS WRONG FOR THE DEMIHUMAN WAR ok ferris was horribly abused also bc of fantasy racism).

and alright ok im gonna talk about some more crusch-ferris-subaru dynamics bc subaru and wilhelm are most likely gonna fall into their weird grandson-grandfather dynamic again. especially now that subarus in crusch camp.

so—gender expression. the way crusch-ferris-subaru dress and their relationships with this part of their identities. personally i hc all three of them as nonbinary but of course u can have different hcs/opinions than me :o either way though, gender expression is Very important to all three of them and its given focus in the plot multiple times so im gonna try to examine how its handled in canon a bit!! theres this one bit from the arc 5 wn that i think about a lot:

so you know, subaru has his internalized issues, toxic masculinity for one, so hes struggling with like. being a man but also like he genuinely enjoys crossdressing but also hes been judged for it in the past and he has?? complicated feelings on it. hes struggling with his identity and who he is in many many different ways and gender is one key aspect of it. and then he comes along and crusch and ferris BASICALLY challenge him and his internalized ideas on it—crusch being a woman who dresses more masculine and ferris being a man who dresses more feminine. they challenge even the fantasy world’s society too—crusch more so, bc shes a woman and in the public eye due to her family and shes expected to dress and behave the way a noblewoman should. more feminine. but she refuses which is a point of contention in ex1 of course…

ferris seems to get less scrutiny from the public on this (at least for This exact reason, we only see subaru iirc judge him for it on screen) but my guess is bc he 1. can easily pass as a girl and 2. he has other more Noticeable traits to the public (having the Blue title and being demihuman for example). but also theres another aspect to ferris and its that he also dresses femininely to represent “the feminine side crusch lacks” iirc…. which. to be quite frank thats. that feels a little odd to me but anyway im gonna choose to look into it a bit regardless bc i think it could potentially be interesting maybe?? but also the fourier-crusch duel in ex1 already felt off to me wkfndnd it was such a fun scene but like??? why are we policing what crusch wants to wear??? but. anyway.

so about ferris being “the feminine side crusch lacks”……. ferris and crusch's gender expression are completely opposite, ferris being feminine of course and crusch being masculine. ferris and crusch are very much like each others equal halves in canon - you dont find one without the other, theyre basically a pair (especially given they fit together into this perfect trio with fourier and now fouriers gone :(( ). ferris and crusch balance each other out in a lot of ways, especially given ferris's mischevious yet perceptive personality and crusch being more serious but a bit airheaded with emotional matters. and also both of them being more blunt honest people. so like their gender expression balances each other out bc theyre opposites. ferris wants to keep balancing out crusch, whos so focused on duty that her needs and her desires and emotions sometimes go by the wayside (id personally attribute at least a tiny bit of her airheadedness with emotions to this too - when you have so much responsibilities to attend to, your emotions often take a backseat. especially when you take into account people judging crusch for how she expresses herself....).

but also ferris does note that "because crusch-sama said this suits ferris, what i am, i am, and this most suits the radiance of ferris' soul. crusch-samas words, ferris will repay with everything that i am". im gonna interpret this as crusch recognizing that ferris truly likes to express his appearance in a feminine way and providing ferris with the means and support to do so, especially since crusch herself growing up also prefers to express herself as opposite to her biological sex and also bc crusch and her family took in ferris so they grew up together. which i think is very sweet <3

and also more regarding crusch, in canon she expresses herself more femininely after getting her memories wiped by gluttony........... i think there might (emphasis on Might) be vaguely a kind of "feminine=weak and masculine=strong thats why crusch goes back to being feminine after memories gone" undertone if you choose to see it that way but im Electing to ignore it. i think crusch's change in expression post-gluttony though like emphasizes how her identity gets shaken after her memories are erased. she was a confident person before and now shes more timid and withdrawn bc she isnt sure of herself or her abilities anymore :(( which is definitely smth that should be explored in Any crusch camp centric content, i think.

anyway. yeah also i def think the ferris-crusch-subaru gender things should be explored. its already briefly touched on in canon with stuff like that arc 5 wn snippet i shared, but i do think subaru being friends with ferris and crusch will help him with confidence regarding how he likes to express himself as well. which i think would be very sweet to explore <3 (sorry this briefly derailed into a ferris-crusch-subaru gender expression analysis but this part of their characters is important i feel aljdlfjsldfj and its SUCH good parallel between them)

as for general dynamics stuff between the three of them. i think ferris is on the fence about subaru at first and goes from "hes an idiot..." to "hes an idiot <3" i have no specific thoughts on this at the moment thats just the vibe thats probably happening. maybe a bit of the same with crusch but yes im sure crusch and ferris of course grow to respect subaru, and im sure they notice pretty quick that subaru wears his emotions on his sleeve. hes an honest person in almost all things, or at least he tries to be, unless hes being held at gunpoint to keep things secret bc rbd lajdlfjl. and we Know subaru is a very respectable person whos Really good at heart, he just had all these hurdles to get through. and also - subaru is a tiny bit similar to fourier in terms of like Loud, Passionate, Determined, kind of an idiot in a few ways but a Lovable one, that sort of thing. of course ferris and crusch are VERY MUCH not going to be replacing fourier. absolutely not they would never in a million years. but fourier like Really fit in with ferris and crusch bc of the three of them having different personality traits, so i think subaru would fit well with ferris and crusch for similar reasons. if that makes sense. the energies just match up. ferris and subaru particularly bring a lot of fun and lightheartedness and ease weight on crusch’s shoulders, crusch supports them both, and all three of them reel each other in in different ways <3

ok also regarding any romance............ personally i dont see the appeal of crusch x subaru but thats just me lajsdlfjls and also my heart got stolen by fourier x ferris x crusch oops. plus i do enjoy the ferris and subaru + subaru and crusch friendship possibilities. but if anyones reading this and is a fan of crusch x subaru feel free to send me propaganda for it bc im very curious as to what makes you really like the ship <3

yeah so anyway. this has been my extremely long explanation as to how crusch if could maybe go and also all sorts of stuff id love to see explored when it comes to crusch if or crusch camp centered content in general <3 its hard to tell how a crusch if would go further down the line bc you know, the more that changes from main route the more things go Different, but i think its fascinating to think about. hope this kind of answered your question op? :O :D !!

ok but as for other camps. i have absolutely no clue how itd go but ana camp would Definitely have to involve subaru trying to invent things that carry on from earth and such and felt camp Absolutely involves more trying to solve more astrea drama. no specific thoughts on this yet (ALSO I STILL HAVENT CAUGHT UP ON ANA CAMP SIDE STORIES... ONE DAY. I SWEAR.) but you know, lots of interesting possibilities here!! :O