#ill miss him when hes gone.
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artuurle · 27 days ago
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(AU)
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What if you died and something divine loved you so much it couldn't cope with that fact? What if they tried bringing you back but the result was wrong?
More doodles + rambles below:
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Now What if what came back was just off. Looks at the divine without the memories that went back decades. It looks, behaves and works in a way just off enough in a way to make the god unable to look at it. it's not you. it's not. it can't be.
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.... but what if what got pulled back was still you, but its- YOU'RE wrong and broken in ways you cant understand anymore.
The apocalypse draws closer and closer and you don't know why every day that passes you seem to be falling more and more apart too. The god is gone. You are alone.
....Anyway yeah i fucked up a perfectly normal Lovestory Au. i gave it anxiety is what i did. sorry for horrid typing in 2nd person trying to explain stuff im bad at explaining <3 i draw, not write for a reason lol.
#great god grove#ggg click clack#ggg thespius#ggg lovestory#dont have a name for this au but its haunted me for a week and i finally relented when i saw the fact gods CAN create sentient things#thanks huzzle for letting me be evil [thumbs up]#ANYWAY I PROMISE THERES A HAPPY ENDING IN MY HEAD IM JUST CRUEL AND EVIL#AND ALSO INCREDIBLY CRINGE. APOLOGIES. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IM ALONE W MY THOUGHTS W NO ONE TO BOUNCE IDEAS OFF OF.#lovestory except everything went wrong at the last second and now everything sucks. Clicky's alone away from everyone. thespius is JUST GON#Huzzle is absolutely losing it's shit in the corner because it's the one that found out first.#Bauhauzzo is trying to not have the world end#and Missy M is absolutely distraught about how everything's gone sideways so fast and is about to start accidentally flooding the grove#cobi isnt even a god yet. (SAD. I MISS HER ALREADY)#sorry this is probably incomprehensible. oops#i think in images and concepts not words so translating a bunch of those hard.#fun part about this was absoultely drawing faces just ever so off from how i draw click clacks expressions to try and nail it aint right#what being off usually being the mouth#if u have questions feel free to ask. ill just stare at them in fear like a deer in headlights /silly#This is Clicky hes just.... a bit messed up. that *is* him; not a copy to be absolutely clear#...even if thespius doesnt think it is#anyway yeah. purple hyacinths right?#sniles#shrivels up and dies#ggg love and loss au
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wulfhalls · 11 months ago
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they put my tiny baby boy to sleep today. they took him away from me he was my whole wide world and more without him I'd have killed myself thrice over in the last 8 years he was my everything he was so good and loving and sometimes so endearingly stupid and headstrong and lazy he loved his little boxies and scratches behind his ears and he let me hold his paw but hated when I did it to his tiny feeties he is the very best boy there ever was and idk how to exist in a world without him in it he used to follow me from room to room like a dumb idiot tiny dog and even when I was so depressed I didn't think I'd get out of bed he was always there always making me feel not alone and now he's gone. those are the last pictures I took of my idiot baby boy in his boxy. I just wanted someone to know that I love him more than the whole wide world and I'll never not miss him and that i love him and love him and love and everywhere I look is a place he isn't anymore and it makes me wanna end it all. I love you so much forever
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starrydeww · 7 months ago
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guess who decided to catch up on Nesaak's secret discoveries
haha....
hah......
some horrors have been experienced BUT ITS FIIIIIIIIIINE... right? ANYWAYS SHOUTOUT BOB I LOVE BOB YAAAAAAYYYYYYYY
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skunkes · 4 months ago
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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pkmoth · 5 months ago
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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all-inmoderation · 1 year ago
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rewatching the fourth episode "Happy Progress Day" and realizing that it was Ekko under that Firelight owl mask is just,,, holy shit.
Ekko was the one who screamed "No!" when Jinx shot that pink-haired girl she mistook for Vi.
Did that pink-haired girl remind Ekko of Vi, too? Maybe that's why he liked her. Vi was dead and gone, but here's this girl with the same rosy-hued hair, the same heart and grit as Vi, willing to fight alongside him against Silco and Jinx for taking away his family. For taking Vi away. For taking Powder away.
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aleclightofmylifewoodbane · 8 months ago
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Do you know what the absolute worst thing about Jem Will and Tessa is? They really only had a few months of all three of them being together in the grand scheme of things. They all lived long lives, Jem and Tessa especially, but they only really had all three of them as themselves together for a few scant months, and those months were fraught with danger and miscommunication. They were never able to love each other fully and openly as three full people together and that is the worst thing that has ever been taken from us I think.
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duck-n-clover · 27 days ago
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👋
#join me in the tags will you.#so around Christmas time i found out my grandpa was in the hospital for like a week#no one had told me right away bc it was rly hectic which understandable#i had a meltdown whether to go or not but inevitably i knew that i had to go see him#i had been vaguely wanting to visit family anyway thus just lit the fire under me#so i go. im glad i did bc i did get to see him and being there with my family after he did indeed pass#which. ive been dreading even saying it out loud to anyone bc i wasnt ready to hear the consoling words and sorry for your losses and all#but i gotta. i miss him and hes gone#it seemed rly sudden bc it seemed like he was on the upward swing but. idk i guess he was in the hospital for 2+ weeks maybe he wasnt#just was rly hoping i could have got to see him out of the hospital!! aughhh#all while this was happening of course california was on fire. thankfully our area was safe but the high winds did mean our power was off#for like 3 days? which grand scheme of things i know thats not that bad. ppl lost everything in those fires#but man. not only was our power out but also our water bc it runs on electricity hdjdj#idk man. im definitely feeling better now and things are looking up#Definitely just a few days before i was feeling overwhelmed and not knowing when i could go back home#but. time heals all wounds i guess. i go home in a wwwk#the other day me my brother and my cousin went to the zoo and that was rly nice#and i know ill get to hang out with my family at least once more before i go so theres that guilt off my shoulders hdhdj#but yeah. that's what's been up with me. couple of days ago i wouldnt have been able to type this hdjdbu#and now it feels all very silly doesnt it. hdjdj#anyway. thanks for joining me in the tags
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thorninyourpaw · 1 month ago
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my existence makes me feel awful for my family
#they really wanted someone so much better. im 21 ive done nothing with my life and i cant tell anyone im disabled#mum hid it from everyone but her entirely and now i cant say a thing or ill get her in drama and ill have to keep lying anyway#i had to lie about all the abuse and they saw through it but i still have to lie anyway for all of us i cant say i dont have a job#bc i have no id no nothing to my name no bank account no literally anything and that i have to take care of mum bc they would all just get#mean and give me a million questions and yell at me and dad already stopped talking to me for weeks bc he wouldn't listen when i was trying#to say the id stuff is convoluted ''why cant i just get it with you'' LEGALLY I DONT EVEN HAVE A DAD BC YOU REFUSED TO BE A PART OF IT AT#AT FUCKING ALL AND MUM HAD TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE AND DIDNT WANNA HIT YOU WITH SINGLE MOTHER TAX#I DOCUMENT WISE JUST STOPPED EXISTING I HAVE NO SCHOOL CARDS EVEN LIKE NOTHING AT ALL SHE LOST MY BIRTH CERT BOTH OF OURS AND I JUST?????#im sick of getting into fights about everything. my granddad is dying and i barely see him because dad doesnt like me anymore and its scary#trying to talk to him at all bc he'll yell if i stutter he'll yell if i tell him ive gone out snywhere at all he thinks everyone in the#world is just drooling to assault me but he's violent and scary so i cant tell him that anything has ever happened to me bc the one time i#even just vaguely told him someone wasnt nice to me he threatened to tie them to the back of his car and he's attacked my stepdad with a#screwdriver and thankfully he wasnt hurt badly hut like. im so scared of my dad. and it breaks my heart bc he used to be so gentle to me.#hes always had a bad temper i have haunting memories of him chasing me and mum in his car but he never once hit me. but the more i remember#the more i realise that he fucked me up honestly just as bad as mum did. im constantly scared of getting yelled at i cant be loving with#anyone not sincerely bc im terrified theyll leave me theyll hurt me and im always proven right and i miss my best friend and i miss my dad#i wish i could tell him about anything in my life i wish i could tell anyone anything all the secrets all the expectations n the way i know#everyone views me is killing me inside my family thinks im fat lazy selfish worthless dull stupid they think i dont even like seeing them#but they actively push me out every single occasion i see them i barely even have any photos with anyone i never get happy birthday messages#or calls or anything they all just forget i exist until they have to remember and i cant trll them any of my life bc ill get yelled at by#dad or called a liar or ill have one of my deepest secrets spilled to the entire family while im sleeping again.#whatever sorry
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alfys-pigeon-house · 4 months ago
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holy crap i miss him
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comixandco · 2 years ago
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i’m just
there must be so many gaps in jieum’s memory
she was the girl of many trades but can she remember how she learnt any of those skills? No they were all from her past lives so they��re gone. Can she remember leaving her neglectful family to live with ae-gyeong? No because she was from a past life, so where does ji-eum think she grew up? She remembers being good at school and her awards but not if anybody was there in the audience for her. She says in her phone call to her superior that she remembers switching departments before, but she doesn’t remember working in the hotel. She cooks meals the exact way as ae-gyeong taught her and she taught ae-gyeong, but she doesn’t remember having learnt them. if she can’t remember anything to do with her past lives, she wouldn’t be able to remember anything that had happened in the past few months the drama is set over.
that must be such an odd and confusing existence, to only remember small dots and flashes of your life, and a giant gap in recent memory, and she doesn’t even seem to be affected by it either? Did she go to the hospital after coming to consciousness standing on a bridge with no idea how she got there? Did they run tests on her brain to see if something had gone wrong? Does she think she suffered a mental breakdown?
What is going on in ji-eum’s brain in those final scenes i want to dissect her thoughts like a grape
#see you in my 19th life#did she move back into her old job on the suggestion of a therapist who is helping her with her sudden memory loss?#she was living with ae-gyeong where did she think she lived?#does she have monthly visits to a group of doctors that are fascinated by her oddly specific memory loss?#in those first few days after losing all her memories. did people she knew try to approach her and she freaked?#if she’d gone to the hospital ae-gyeong would be her emergency contact. maybe it just slipped through the cracks because she was also in#hospital recovering from surgery at the time.#there is a large set of contacts in ji-eum’s phone that she doesn’t recognise at all - not just numbers from her loved ones#but contacts for her job at the hotel as well and anybody she’d met during the show’s run#imagine with me if you will if there had been one final episode instead of those few scenes#ji-eum recovering from what she can only assume is some kind of mental breakdown from stress and her childhood#ae-gyeong coming to visit her in hospital and this deliciously heart-wrenching scene that mirrors ji-eum by her bedside when she was ill#and ji-eum doesn’t recognise her at all and only feels a base level of concern knowing ae-gyeong had surgery not long before#ae-gyeong promising to take care of ji-eum but turns her down because her head and heart hurt from being near her so she rents out an#apartment. she has no recollection of working at the hotel and seo-ha isn’t ready to see her yet it’s too soon so doyun has to handle her#transition back to the engineering track. and in her phone she deletes all the contacts she doesn’t know but when she looks at the photos#and icr if she took one with seo-ha but she must have but defo the one with her ae-gyeong and cho-won. she can’t bear to delete them#even though she doesn’t know them or remember why they were taking this photo. but bc it’s a romance she has to have a few photos of seo-ha#and she sort of ponders over them like. who are you. who were you to me. but it hurts her head so she puts down her phone#and there can be a bunch of times throughout the episode where she just misses him like. she’s asleep in hospital and he brings her flowers#and she wakes up just in time to see the back of his head leaving the room. she could visit ae-gyeong to try to rebuild this#parental relationship she doesn’t remember but has all the proof that this is the lady who raised her. and like in the show seo-ha could be#sat right behind her but he doesn’t interact with her directly they just do the napkin bit and then he leaves w/o looking at her#and the meet-up with cho-won could stay the same with the difference that ji-eum recognises her from their photo and says something like#’we know each other don’t we.’ and cho-won gets so excited and maybe even calls them sisters but then she realises what she’s doing and is#like. ‘that’s how it felt for me. we worked together just a few months ago. i’m cho-won’ and then ji-eum can do that#gorgeous reach for her memories from the show where she rolls the name around her mouth because it’s just so familiar#and ofc i’d change nothinf about the scene where she finally re-unites with seo-ha that was delicious af#but i feel like there were just too many gaps in her memories for it to have been smoothed over y’know?#disclaimer i read the webtoon first and loved it but think it had to change for the adaptation
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wulfhalls · 11 months ago
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anthro-cat · 2 years ago
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what will i do once my cat dies?
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yikes-ajax-thats-sad · 2 months ago
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"I love you." Show me something real. Prove it. Sick of these empty fucking words, maybe I'll believe it if your actions ever match your mouth. It's like it's not even your own voice, just lip syncing because saying you love me is that horrible.
#fuck OFF with the lovebombing. I know you dont mean any of it. I wish I never came crawling back sometimes. He was right. he was RIGHT.#miss him because at least his beatings were consistent. at least we could both be horrible together.#he could do whatever he wants to me and in return i could demand love. and god i ate it up even if it was like empty calories#he was right. nobody will love me like him. it only gets worse from here#just for once i thought maybe things could get better. might end up in a hospital by the end of the week though#its reassuring to have people worry for once. it feels good for puffy eyes and weak limbs to be physical manifestations of ripped up heart#finally gave up. been bed rotting since yesterday. i dont know if i can work tomorrow. dont wanna see a new year#my whole life ive given everything for the comfort of other people because i know how the neglect feels. shame ill die being nice#too tired to do much of anything though. the anxiety hits in waves and saps all energy from me.#wanted to steal a box cutter because i lost my knife but my head feels so heavy and my legs keep falling asleep#god i love being so forgettable to everyone. even the people who have ever insisted im their whole world forget me. what curse is this?#at least maybe there wont be many tears when im gone. i want people to move on but god do i want them to suffer as i have too#i really think my heart is too big for this body and my throat too small. the agony is burning out my organs#i see why ppl like me live 20 years shorter.#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized#actually obsessive
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oetscop · 4 months ago
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shsnzbzns i wanna sit on the couch but like. it feels so weird. the cage is right next to me and it feels weird if its covered during the day but weirder that its empty. but i cant just take it out of my room. i have nowhere else to put it and im afraid of how itll feel without it
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idiotshriek · 5 months ago
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just woke up from such a scary dream im considering buying a gun
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