#ill just. sleep forever
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slept for like 20 hours and im still exhausted :( also had multiple incredibly vivid dreams that haunt me still. apparently this is what happens when i forget to take my meds lol
#personal spewage#if im being honest i actually cant remember when i took them last#my sleep has been so fucked up and i was trying to make them last longer by stretching the time between doses#bc i was almost out of one and i Did Not Want to have to go get it refilled#but alas#now i know whatll happen if i stop taking my meds ig#ill just. sleep forever#so basically back to what life was like before i started taking them slfjsdkksd
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece
#ill watch it at some point but despite my silence i have been like obsessively anxious about this cartoon#and pestered my friend to watch it for me sDFJKL#in a month this will have either ruined pnf for me forever or i'll have changed my mind and i like it actually its fine#for now anyway i have tons of comic sketches about perry's muteness that i no longer wanna finish and share...maybe someday but not now#i had a rly great day actually but now im falling asleep in bed tipsy and a little teary over this. cuz i love perry a lot he's#really special to me. i also got that star wars perry shirt in the mail today btw. and. it's such a good pj shirt#but back on topic#it sucks when an aspect of a character that is CORE to your appreciation of them becomes casually disregarded by the writers at some point#like im certainly not ever accepting an interpretation of perry like 'secretly hed really like to be able to talk' because its#never ever been communicated. like the idea that heinz wd prefer if perry was human. its just not in the show. the opposite is true in fact#so im left feeling stupid for caring about something that some writers(inc. dan) felt was unimportant. makes me not wanna continue my art#which sux cuz i like my comic ideas! id love to finish them. i hope i get over this.#i overreact to live-updating media when im fixated on it wh is why i prefer getting into dead fandoms haha#but they keep on bringing them back to life dont they...im never safe#it was funny me trying to explain to my friend why i efel so strongly about this meanwhile hes tried to explain why he feels so strongly ab#ut AYA and my stance on that episode has always just been “cute! its fine” lmao#@ dwampy you guys made the show that follows a specific rhythm and set of rules designed to appeal to obsessive autistic brained people ok#you invited my overreaction. unsheathes katana etc#ok im goint to sleep#meta
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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learning that rollo eats the same lunch (16 grapes, 2 croissants, 1 café au lait) every day is so funny to me. he’s so cute. T-T rollo, please eat a feast. you deserve it. why limit yourself to the same thing over and over?
also his voice line where he invites you to check out the mostro lounge with him. saying, “i like cafés. shall we take a look?” casually asking you out on a date…… rollo, you’re exceptionally cute.
#meraki mumbles#his hobby is gardening… T_T <3#he’s the man of my dreams#studying at the lounge with rollo but the tweels keep flirting with you#and trying to distract you so that you and rollo can’t study (i.e. get closer)#ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS WITH ROLLO AAAAAAAA OTL#the two of you taking care of and looking after each other like a married couple…#reminding each other to eat or go to sleep at healthy times or knowing exactly what the other needs#the two of you forever stuck in the purgatory that is the pining stage/‘do they like me or are we just close friends?’ stage#I’M SO ILL FOR HIM HE DRIVES ME MAD 。゚(゚´ω`゚)゚。
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struggle.
#i need to work on mspaintpetfinder lord#it's been too long now i've just been hyperfixated on so many different things#i can still draw i just take forever in ms paint and i need a certain fixation and motivation to draw the pets in there#i WILL get on a schedule soon i better#im ass at schedules which is funny because im hella autistic#there is no schedule in my body which means weird sleeping habits along with drawing#mental illness too lol#im all good just all over the place rn#anyway#whoever reads these tags thank you also remember to drink water#miles' art#doodle#papa louie#papa's freezeria#cat#fursona#crittersona#inanimate insanity#fan inanimate insanity#hatsune miku#in relation to the stickers on the laptop#also fafa#cant forget fafa#the cat bandana is a character from a project im working on can you tell im really good at starting but not finishing projects#sdglernjuhg4lgtjunrthjgruhtrtuhwuhgwe
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared
#mostly it's fine but i looked up this medicine the doc prescribrd me and she said it's for weight loss#but i looked it up and everywhere it said it's for type 2 diabetes#to control blood sugar levels when it's so wildly out of control that nothing is fixing it#why would she give me that??? i mean im obviously gonna ask but tab tak ki anxiety bhai#i have barely processed the fact that pcod is a chronic illness which means im going to have it forever im mostly avoiding thinking about#it cause it feels too big and unbearable#diabetes would be fucking wild man im 21 years old#i am doing so terrible in not turning out to be like my dad lol i want to cry#i just hate hate hate this so much#like i was trying really fucking hard but depression wasn't getting fixed and i kept eating sleeping being in bed all day#like how can one illness cause another be frr man give me a break 😭#and i cannot even officially say depression i just sorta googled thr symptoms and relate to them most days but not everyday#so like#what is all this for#ugh goodnight i hope i wake up and it's all alright#i don't want to be a calorie counting sweet avoiding freak i love chocolate
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i just loveeeee the idea that there was a big gap of understanding between lu ten and iroh the same way theres a big gap of understanding between zuko and iroh. mistakes that iroh didnt realize he made with his son he then also made with his nephew and still not realizing it. a whole world of things about lu ten that iroh didnt know about, and will never know about. im gonna talk about it though because i am insane so look away from my cringe
lu ten had gone to his father with problems before, and iroh cant help but wonder, now, if his son had ever been trying to imply deeper things in between sugarcoated words because there were things you just didnt say in the palace, and irohs head had been so far up his ass he hadnt seen it. despite it being waved practically right in his face by his son, desperate for sound advice from his father, whos brain was too waterlogged by thoughts of how he was going to pull off his next bloody conquest. like how zuko was always howling for help, hurt and confused like a cornered animal, hidden deep under his fits of rage, and irohs head was Still so far up his ass that he kept meeting zukos silent begging for straightforward guidance with convoluted proverbs. he can sit here and bury his face in his hands in shame over the sheer amount of times hed failed his nephew without realizing, and how much convincing it'll take to get his nephew to understand that yes, iroh did fail him so many times, and he couldve prevented so much suffering simply by holding himself to the same standards he held his nephew to. all those times during those three years before the avatar returned that he couldve done something. sit here and think about how sad it is that he has to even try hard to convince his nephew such a thing, how sad it is that he finally got zuko to stop seeing ozai as some all-wise god that can do no error as a father, just for zuko to start seeing iroh as some all-wise god that has done no error as an uncle. but he can at least go and do something about it. he can never do something about what he did to his son. the things he knows he did, the things he doesnt know he did, and everything in between. he will never find out what lu ten truly thought about him. he will never have that reconciliation, that silent scream of relief and violent shiver in the crook of his neck that zuko gave when iroh yanked him in close after their separation, with his lu ten. he just has to hear about his own son through word of mouth and somehow be content with that. and worst of all, its all his own and his god damned family's fault. no amount of healing and learning by trying to do right by zuko and the world he helped nearly ruin not much more than a half decade ago can act as a balm for the agony that brings him. he knows healing his guilty conscience isnt supposed to even be a reason for why he helped the avatar, but god- it's when the rationality leaves him and he realizes that this is something he cant seem to make himself be the bigger person in. he knows its his own fault, that there are hundreds- thousands, maybe- of earth kingdom sons he personally stole from earth kingdom fathers, and only gave up on his siege when the consequences of his war came into his own backyard, but he cant help it. doesnt want to help it. hes still angry and hateful anyway. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. and if he tells zuko about how much he still hates himself as both an uncle and a father, zuko will definitely rush to reassure him, all the while he is chained to his desk and meetings day in and day out, fixing this uncles mistakes best he can, losing sleep and forgetting to eat. none of it will mean anything to zuko, if it means he can make his uncle feel better. and if that happens, iroh might actually vomit in front of his nephew.
#i love when characters outright refuse to heal or move on!!!! yayyy!!!!!!!!! three cheers for bitterness and hate forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#making lu ten a personality and then remembering hes lit dead so so cool. Like hes just dead. he will never come back. No plot armor#sometimes... characters having unsatisfying unhappy ends.... is the best.#THIS NIGHT HAS OPENED MY EYES.... AND I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN........................#HE SAID HED CURE YOUR ILLS... BUT HE DIDNT AND HE NEVER WILL....................................#(starts vomiting blood everywhere#i should tie this with my hcs about ursa and lu ten being close cus they were left alone together in the palace a lot#and how lu ten helped shoulder a kind of deranged amount from her by basically co parenting zuko and azula with her#meanwhile ursa was a grown adult and lu ten was like . 15#oh the curses of being the eldest sibling oh the horrors#atla
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will i get this degree or will this degree get me
#mhie rambles#AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH#[📔] log book.#bye#it's been literally so long since I've had a good day of sleep 😭😭#working a shift at Jollibee and helping out my cousin's store just to clutch enough money 🔥🔥🔥#I cannot rely on scholarships forever omfg#I WILL PASS MY FINALS I WILL PASS MY FINALS I WILL PASS MY FINALS I WILL PASS MY FINALS I WILL PASS MY FINALS I WILL PASS MY FINAFKS#plsplsplsplslspssllssoslsssssssss no one told me a humss strand had so much to memorize#luckily everything has been fun !! got introduced to sm new people and learnt alot about the field ill (hopefully) be in soon
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Drawing is so overwhelmingly frustrating like wdym I can't draw my favorite characters on the 3 456 000 first try ?
#im gonna explode#worse feeling#im like#fuck it#time to sleep i guess#spies are forever#starkid#drawing#put a bullet in his brain and well take max jagerman of your plate#I JUST WATNED TO DRAW WIGGLY AND BAILEY AND CURT is that too much to ask#fuck it fuck anatomy ill never fucking catch up#attention seeker behavior
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you ever lie awake at night and think about how jem and will never truly got to be together when one of them wasn’t cursed, dying, or a silent brother, and they still loved each other so much? it makes the vision in gotsm where they get to be young together with no illness, the knowledge of no curse, and no emotion-muting powerful runes, so much more moving…when you realise they never got that chance in their real lives.
I just think sometimes of an ideal world, untouched by time, where they get to be parabatai without any of the tragedy, and will, jem and tessa are all happy together side by side.
#i’m thinking of the scene in gotsm where brother zachariah remembers how ill he had been and how he’d loved tessa as much as he could bear#and i think of how even as ill as he was or with his emotions muted by the brotherhood’s runes he still loved will SO much#and of course jem was always will’s great sin#and i imagine that ideal world where the three of them can be young together and love each other with no restraints or shadows#i’m just imagining will getting to see jem when he’s healthy and isn’t running out of time basically#and now i’m SAD and i should SLEEP.#the chokehold they have on me …..#herongraystairs#yeah this is why they’re my otp forever#jem carstairs#will herondale#tessa gray#tid#the infernal devices#tsc
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Hope you giggle and smile big today
i hope so toooo t_t thank u
#im having a very small one day outing with my best friend in her city on saturday#so today i have to finish comms and get everything sorted and sift thru march's comms and get those sorted#bc she'll be picking me up friday night#ill get 2 nights of a break before diving back in....bt im already running on empty its been so hard to sit and focus on art#also cookie is having issues :[ + ive been on Low Sleep for the past [forever] im just really Frayed right now#dungeon meshi thursday...save me....i want to giggle and smile big....#anonymous#skunk mail
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apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out
#and the one after that etc#IM GOING TO BE SO NORMAL OK. ill be the normalest guy ever. nobodys gonna be more normal than me about this#iv. eive. been reading the pjo books (first time actually) and. I care them all so mcuh. the books ever#so so many things i cant wait to see in the show. ive been imagining how some stuff could be translated into the show as i read#im so excited ougfhhh i love these books. life changing reads and im not even really halfway done with them#i just started the third one today actually :mindblown:#i sat down just to read the first few pages before i go to sleep. and erm. i ended up sitting there reading the first ~60 pages for over#-an hour instead. Its so good man the only reason i stopped reading is bc if i dont go to sleep now ill pass out lmao#anygays i love pjo forever and ever and when the next seasons come out im going to be insufferable (/pos)#Also i feel like im always saying this but#im not actually apologizing like i said in the post. im not sorry for shit!! im having a good time#cam.txt#side note omfg i wish i didnt get so much of pjo spoiled its ruining my fun. everything couldve been so much more enjoyable#its my fault im always spoiling media for myself just bc of my insatiable need to know everything Smh. im my own worst party pooper.#a killjoy but not in the cool mcr “killjoys make some noise” way 😞😞 big ol spoilsport right here
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thinking about how in larry’s little blurb before you fight his gym hes described as “not the best rated worker” which is so funny to me. larry packing his briefcase a guzzling coffee just to go into his office job and play minecraft his entire shift.
#pokemon scarlet and violet#gym leader larry#elite four larry#i wonder if he eats other peoples food in the break room fridge#has geeta just found him sleeping under his desk or something#hes working like three jobs what did he do to piss geeta off so bad#still working thru the post game but im now imagining that larry just doesnt do shit his entire shift at the league#and you know what#good for him#kind of guy to say hes taking his break and hes gone for three hours#hes found asleep in his car#covered in ketchup#im gonna be so embarassed if i read it wrong bc this is all ill be thinking about forever
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When I made this i was rly supposed to be doing stuff and man am I a procrastinator because instead of doing what I was needing to do I made this- woooo
#help me#I’m so mentally ill man#and tired#I haven’t had proper sleep since forever#kingdom hearts#kh isa#saïx#isa#kh#isa my beloved#is this angst??#idk#I just saw a pic and Pinterest and went#“SAIX’’#and started drawing#I won’t count it as angst unless someone tells me otherwise#most proud of this tho :)#also if someone has read this far#cookie#🍪#:)#be blessed with lovely dreams#mine
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