#ill judt add more 4 that one >;3

[softmeetscreatureplz]

ALRIGHT. HERES ANLITTLE EXCERPT FROM A ONESHOT I NEVER FINISHED!!!!

FOR @bsd-disability-week-2024 DISABILITY BSD WEEK (DAY 1: PHYSICAL DISABILITY) - Chuuya Nakahara with Chronic Pain!!!!

(Edit; Yes I just remembered Chronic illness is technically also a day. I will either post another thing or swap them for what I post shhh)

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Chuuya had first started dealing with- this, a long time ago. Before he'd met Dazai, before he'd even escaped the lab.

The aching, shooting jolts of pain, that spread from his fingertips up his arms, and ate away at his lowered back. When he'd been younger, it'd terrified him. The amount of pain- striking at random seeming, going from dull, easily ignorable things to something that left him in tears and unable to move properly.

He'd ended up filled with experimental drugs from the scientists- handlers there- and for the most part it disappeared.

Then Chuuya had gotten out- living on the streets alone before being found by sheep. For the most part, the pain became dull. Something tiring, that stung every once in awhile, but manageable. He ignored it, keeping his hands hidden and warm in his pockets and protecting his back well in fights. The careful control kept the pain at bay somehow, and helped keep himself in control of Arahabaki.

Until he was fifteen. He met an asshole of a guy- Dazai Osamu. And, he fucking sucked. He was rude, lazy, worked for the PM, annoyed Chuuya, insulted his height, and didn't know how to shut up.

Chuuya hated him. With an absolute, burning passion.

Any sort of fondness there he blamed on his exceedingly poor taste in men. Nothing serious. Nope.

But, then they were working together; and Chuuya took his hands out of his pockets, and they worked together to beat Rimbaud. Dazais hands were warm- and his grip added pressure and Chuuya tried very very hard not to let on how relieved he was that he wasn't worse.

Joining the Port Mafia was- weird.

Weird and different as strange. He got gloves, which meant he didn't have a real reason to keep his hands in his pockets.

He did it anyway.

His hands ached dully, and trying to do both his and Dazais paperwork almost made him want to say fuck it and spree, his back and hands flaring up. He pushed through it, using the fact that Dazai and the others knew he hadn't received a real education to let himself be a bit more messy.

He still didn't tell anyone. He was fairly sure Ane-san had caught onto the fact that something was up, the way he sometimes shied away from picking up his tea and hid his hands more than usual when they met up. She didn't press.

Chuuya still didn't know what was happening other than this, but the more he tried to hide it the more sure he was that no one else here felt the same. He refused to be weak and let it get to him.

Storm bringer- happened. He got electrocuted, and beaten in a fight, and used Corruption. His friends died. He wasn't human.

When they got home, Chuuya hid himself away in his apartment. His arms felt like they were on fire, still being electrocuted. His back screamed at him, aching and stabbing, and he was exhausted. He didn't know how to do this. The redhead lay in bed for ages, pained and mourning. It felt like he had aged years in that time.

The silent tears on his pillows were left unnoticed, and forgotten.

No one tried to disturb him. His phone was left abandoned, the buttons too much to handle.

Eventually, his pain eased. Worse than the dull ache it had been, but manageable. He'd been gone too long anyways. He forced himself up. Chuuya was starting to hate this, just a little bit.

If he had to be not human, why did he have to get a body that hurt too?

[sss-drake]

So ive been playing nioh recently. Its good. Its fun. But shit is it frustrating. Im coming into this from a Souls mindset so you know how i approach combat, and yes i know, get good blah blah but that only works for so long. Nioh is great at turning certain points of a souls minded player on their head. Ninja theory knew what kind of people they were going to get but threw in some new stuff to shake em up. For example souls has taught me that when I block and you clang off my shield its MY turn to attack. Nioh? Hell no. And thats great. Very different. The stance system is amazing and intuitive. Death markers can summon and npc with the gear of that player for a fight which is rad as hell, I dont pay for online services so pseudo pvp like this is cool. Having both exp and money separate is a damn godsend, but somewhat worthless as i havent bought much of anything cuz the game has more loot than an mmo but i hear soul matching is expensive. Also i try to write these so that an outside perspective can read this with little to no knowledge but i havent the fucking foggiest what soul matching even is. Every place, EVERY single site ive read about it said its like infusing in Destiny and thats all the description they give. I dont play Destiny! So i dont know what the hell that means! Some things arent explained well. Anyway, on the some of my peeves. The Souls games have the idea of fairness in them, theres not much different between you and your enemies numbers wise should you be at the current level. Nioh I feel does not have this. I feel like nioh enemies are doing way more damage than you and you arent allowed mistakes. Losing all stamina is almost assuredly death. Sometimes it feels like character action games where its "oh did you get hit by that? Well it wont kill you but your recovery takes too long so the next one you cant dodge will." Nioh has a frustration level that i think is waay too high. Fighting bosses in souls is fuckin hard of course but conquering them is the rush of accomplishment that is the drug everyones hooked on. Only 2 bosses in nioh have not made me go "ugh fuckin finally i did it." Human type enemies that are bosses are just awful, 2 hits dead no mistakes it might as well be dive kick or titan souls. The healing system is a weird merging of estus(regen on death) and blood vials(numeric stock), you regen a stock number of heals at the shrine but can find more from dops to add to a total of 8, extras go to storage and if you die are you get your 8 if you have them. Thats fine during regular gameplay but during bosses you end up using your extras during your first few learner runs and by the time your competent to fight the boss you have only 4 or 5. Punishment isn't quite the term to use but it somewhat applies. It causes players like me to go in on bosses and refuse to heal for the first few runs, which could mean quicker deaths which means shorter runs which means less learned per run which means more runs and more frustration... see where im going? Its so close to working but the last gear is just a tad slanted. Alot of things in nioh are like that. Now Im not very far in the game, I hear its like crazy long for this game type but if this keeps up I doubt I'll ditch the game but ill certainly just be playing main missions to finish it and thats sad because theres soooo much side content. Im of the mind that souls does not need a difficulty slider. Nioh...might, it feels a little too character action game sometimes and those games sure as hell need difficulty selections. If I went in on dmc 3 and it was judt defacto hard mode I'd not be here right now. What I mean by this is that too often I feel that im meant to play PERFECTLY. I think anyone can agree that this is not acceptable. So as I started writing this I was coming off of a frustration drain quit, not a rage quit but past that, I was just was so dead and drained inside after failing for reasons out of my control that I just dropped the controller and hard powered down the ps4 and quit. I write these occasionally for games or shows I feel had an impact of me and this certainly has made me feel better and re-reading over this I still feel that my points are valid and not angry piss baby bitching.