dailyjournalsblog

[dailyjournalsblog]

November 12, 2024

Each November is hotter than the last one. I barely had any patience today. I am hoping to be saved by some sort of miracle.

[dailyjournalsblog]

being an adult

the saddest part of my adulthood has to be my father turning into an actual human being; it feels like he is almost an adult, a vulnerable person, is growing old and dealing with not only his life but also everyone else's. How do you cope when a parent becomes an adult?

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I should writing the reasons I stop talking to someone. Because I'm wasted again and I can't remember why I stopped talking to my first love.

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I've never been more disgusted by anything but my face. By myself, I've never had to try as much anywhere else to like something the way I've had to like me. The last time, I was proud of myself, truly and undisgustingly proud, was before I told anyone anything. The only lesson I keep on taking away is to never reveal an inch of yourself to the world. All the talk where people tell you to risk being vulnerable is honestly dumbest shit I've heard. Stay within your bubble. Do not tell anyone anything

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I think I'm becoming nothing. It's July and I've crumbled down on the floor at one am. July has to be cruel but will it make way for a beautiful August?

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and I want to do so much, I do so much in my mind, everything that I think I will do, unfortunately does not go into doing it.

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It is not fair, completely unjust that you take up so much space in my mind. The meeting did not last enough to create such deep and meaningful memories. This is what it feels like, to be a writer and to be in love, I cannot, for one moment, just feel. Just be. This strong urge to etch these feelings on paper to remember him, to remember that I am capable of feeling, that I too can crave something. That one night, changed me forever. I haven't slept since, I haven't loved since. He was my first date, where I let myself feel so much that I crave him like an alcoholic craves drugs. I deleted him. After that night, I deleted all that he said but how do I delete what I felt. How I feel, how do I delete these intense overpowering feelings? Oh lord, how am I supposed to live after I've known the existence of such love. Oh lord, let me be. Let me get through the night and hopefully I'll get through this life.

[dailyjournalsblog]

I want his 👣. The most content I feel is when I am near him. He isn't mine. He never is. But he feels like home this time.

[dailyjournalsblog]

I am not gonna make it past 2023, but good luck with everything.

[dailyjournalsblog]

There are very few things that enrage me more than realising that my secrets aren't safe. I don't believe a lot in sharing, sharing is the most intimate thing that I do. And to know that what I've told you isn't staying with you, it makes me crawl up on the inside of the mind and scratch the exact moment out with a knife when I decided to open up. I want to just stay in a corner. It hurts do bad.

[dailyjournalsblog]

A lot of life is lost in waiting for the perfect timing, the perfect moment, or so people say, I disagree entirely. My life is not lost waiting for the ideal anything; it is simply lost waiting, and the worst part is, I do not have any idea what I am waiting for; perfection doesn't even come into play. I wonder about that moment sometimes when my "moment" will finally come. Will it be the ever fulfilment of the wait? Will it be worth the wait if my whole life is spent in waiting? What will I do after accomplishing that?

[dailyjournalsblog]

And how do I let go of you, the one who held my heart captive for months, how do I stay alive knowing your heart could never be mine

[dailyjournalsblog]

No one will get another part of me ever again.

[dailyjournalsblog]

September equates sorrows every year, no matter where you are, no matter what you are up to, there is no way around September but through

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okay okay okay, I AM GOING TO GIVE THIS THING ANOTHER TRY. I mean life, I will give life another try. I will give it my all

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Do Soulmates exist?

If we are not meant to be, why do I feel it in my bones that he is the one for me, that if he wasn't the one, I wouldn't have a one, There is absolutely no reason for me to feel this connected to him, or is it that I have become so delusional that I am forcing this connection, Am I making it up?

[dailyjournalsblog]

I am so delusional.