#ill finish hers if i do another batch

[koimurocho]

y7 portraits ✨

[winchesterwild78]

Unspoken Words pt 5

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters

Warnings: fluff, illness, mild language

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid. 

This chapter got a bit long, but it’s worth it. So much happens in this part. I think it’s one of my favorite parts so far. Enjoy. 

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story. 

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated. 

Minors DNI 18+

The next morning we woke up in each other’s arms to the sounds of giggles coming from the foot of the bed. We looked up and saw Lily sitting on the floor, playing with her stuffies. She must have woken up and came into my room, but because Jensen was there she didn’t crawl in the bed like she typically does. 

Jensen smiled at me and I at him, “Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep?” I snuggled closer in his arms, inhaling his scent and smiled, “Amazing.” “Good, me too.” He lifted my face and kissed my lips. 

Lily came around to my side of the bed and tugged on me. I turned towards her, Jensen’s arms still lazily lying around my waist. “Good morning, Lily. Are you hungry?” “Eat, please” I smiled, “Okay, baby. Let mommy get up and I’ll cook you something.”

I started to get out of the bed and Jensen pulled me back down. I fell back into him and laughed, “Jensen, I need to get up.” “Not yet, not until you give me a proper kiss.” 

I blushed, turned towards him and we kissed. All the unspoken love and the emotions from the past few days poured into the kiss. 

I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I started the coffee pot and grabbed the bacon and eggs from the fridge. I pulled the toaster out from under the counter and when I got back up Jensen was standing behind me. 

I jumped, “Jeez, Jensen. You scared the heck out of me. You’re like a stealthy mouse.” He laughed, “They do call me squirrel.” He winked and grabbed a coffee cup. “Need some help, baby?” 

“Sure, if you want to start the bacon. Lily likes it crispy, but not too crispy.” He nodded and started cooking. The two of us moved around the kitchen like a synchronized dance. It felt perfect. 

The first batch of bacon was done and Jensen asked how it was. I grabbed a piece to test it, “Hmmm, I don’t know Ackles. I might have found something you’re not good at.” I ate the bacon and laughed. 

He knew I was joking. He grabbed me around my waist, and spun me around. “Oh really? If it’s that bad I guess I need to kiss the taste out of your mouth.” “Yes please, it’s horrible” I exaggerated my words. 

He started kissing my lips and then down my neck. The sound of our laughter and me squealing filled the kitchen. Without thinking I wiggled around and faced him, breathless I kissed his lips, “I love you.” 

I froze. “Jensen I’m sorry. It just came out.” He cupped my face, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay with it. I promise. I love seeing you happy.”

I looked at him and nodded. I am in love with him, and want to say it all the time, but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

We continued cooking, and Jensen kept up the playful banter. It helped and made me feel better. I really didn’t want a repeat of last night. When he finished the bacon I sent him to relax in the living room. 

Lily had moved to playing on the floor. Jensen sat on the couch and scrolled on his phone. I grabbed my phone to send Sarah a text and let her know what’s going on with me. 

Me: Hey girl! I have updates! How are you?

Sarah: Hey! I have updates too, you go first. How’s my Lily girl? How’s Jensen?

Me: She’s doing great. He stayed last night. We had sex, it was amazing..Like REALLY amazing, then I almost screwed it up and told him I loved him. 

Sarah: Wait, you what?! You told him you loved him?! That's huge girl? Did he say it back? What did he say? Oh, and girl I NEED details. 😉

Me: He didn’t say it back. In fact he left afterwards, but he came back. He said he was scared, and I understand. We talked when he came back and now we are making breakfast. So, how’s things going with Steve?

Sarah: Steve is great. Perfect gentleman and our date went great. We ended up back at his place. 

Me: Did you two have sex?! 👀

Sarah: No, not yet, but that’s partly because we didn’t have protection. 😂

Me: Girl….I don’t want a niece or nephew right now. You better be safe.

Sarah: Always. Give my love to Lily. I gotta run. Steve and I are heading into a store. Love you, Y/N.

Me: I will. Have fun, and I love you too. 

“Lily, go wash up. Breakfast is ready.” I called from the kitchen. Jensen stood and stretched. Revealing the bottom of his torso and showing me the soft skin of his navel. I bit my lip thinking about last night. My body still tingled. 

We sat down to eat and I noticed Lily was devouring her bacon. “Lily, honey. Is the bacon that good?” I chuckled. All she said was, “mmm”. 

“Well, baby, Jensen cooked it today. He did good, didn’t he?” 

Lily stopped eating, looked at her plate and then up at Jensen. She climbed out of her chair and walked over to him. 

She stood by his chair and he moved back a bit. Lily walked up to him, placed her hand on his chest and looked at him. I looked at Jensen and he looked at me. I’d never seen her do this before, so I was confused about what she was doing. 

With her hand on his chest, she looked up at him and said, “Love Jensen.” I gasped and so did he. He scooped her up and held her tightly. Kissing the top of her head. Tears fell heavy and fast from my eyes.

“Wow, looks like both my girls love me. I am one lucky man.” His eyes flicked to mine and then down at Lily. She snuggled into his arms, “I love you too, Lily, and (he turned towards me) I love you too.” 

My breath hitched. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She let him go and wiggled out of his arms, climbing back in her chair to finish eating. 

Jensen took the opportunity to walk over to me. He took my hands in his and pulled me up to him. “Jensen, you didn’t have to say it.” “I know, sweetheart. I wanted to, because I mean it. I love you and Lily so much. Being with you two is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I love you, Y/N. I’m still scared, but I know we are in this together.” 

A few tears slipped out and Jensen wiped them away with his thumb, “Don’t cry baby. Please. Hearing you say you love me last night and hearing that sweet girl say it made me realize just how precious and rare what we have is. I’m all in baby, for as long as you’ll have me. 

I leaned into his chest, “How does forever sound, Jens?” He chuckled, kissed the top of my head and whispered, “Perfect”. 

Jensen and I fell into a comfortable rhythm over the next few weeks. Lily talked some, but mostly around or to Jensen. 

I had just gotten home from work and Sarah was bringing Lily home later. I jumped in the shower and changed into something more comfortable. Steve and Jensen were coming over dinner and a movie night. Sarah and I were cooking and I was baking dessert. 

Sarah and Steve were spending more and more time together and I could tell she was completely smitten by Steve. I had already told him if he hurt her I would make sure he was never able to have children. Jensen roared when I told him that. Steve looked genuinely scared, Sarah was embarrassed. 

Dinner and the movie went great. Steve and Jensen chatted in the living room while Sarah and I went into the kitchen. Lily was in her favorite spot, on Jensen’s lap. 

“Y/N, Steve invited me back to his place tonight. I’m so nervous.” I smiled, “It’s going to be fine. Just make sure you do what you’re comfortable with, and don’t feel any pressure.” Steve said that too. It’s just been so long since I, well, you know. I don’t want to be bad at it and it ruins what Steve and I have.” “Sarah, I promise it won’t be bad. The first time with someone new is always awkward, but you two will figure it out.” We were hugging when Steve and Jensen walked in the room. “Wow, we let them out of our sight for one minute and we’re already been replaced.” Jensen said laughing. I playfully rolled my eyes, “Nobody can replace her.” I smirked and kissed his lips. 

Steve looked at Sarah, “Are you ready to head out?” He asked softly. She nodded and hugged me. When I pulled her close I whispered, “You’ve got this, and details later.” I squeezed her tight and let her go. 

After Steve and Sarah left Jensen and I snuggled on the couch. “She’s good for him, you know?” Jensen broke the silence. “I hope so. She’s like a sister to me. I can’t stand the thought of her being hurt.” 

Jensen turned me towards him, “Hey, baby. I promise. He was telling me tonight how much he really likes her. They were heading back to his place tonight. If I’m being honest I was surprised they hadn’t already had sex.” My eyes went wide, “What? Why?” Jensen chuckled, “Hey, relax. It’s not what you think. I just know how much Steve likes her.” 

“Well, she really likes him too. I hope tonight is great for both of them.” 

Jensen chuckled softly, “Well, maybe we should head to bed ourselves. I’ve got a couple ideas on how to make tonight great for both of us.” 

“Just a couple? You’re slipping Ackles.” He kissed me and pulled me to the bedroom. 

The next morning we woke up to Lily jumping on the bed. Jensen rolled over and moved so Lily could climb in between us. “Lily, baby. Mama needs more sleep. It’s too early.” “Mama, up.” 

I tried to pull the blanket over my head but she kept pulling it down. “Fine, I’m up.” Jensen chuckled and stretched. The three of us made our way out to the kitchen. 

Jensen made coffee while I fixed a bowl of cereal for Lily. I was about to ask Jensen what he wanted to eat, but he started coughing hard and I looked at him. “Are you okay?” I asked him. 

“Yeah, guess I have a little tickle in my throat.” He coughed again and my brow scrunched. 

I handed him a bottle of water and he nodded, drinking it. 

By the afternoon I could tell Jensen was feeling bad. 

“Jens, are you sure you’re okay? You look like you don’t feel good.” 

“Yeah. I am feeling a little bit bad. I’ll be fine.” 

“Jensen, I think you’re sick.” I took his temperature, much to his dismay and he had a fever. 

I grabbed him some medicine and some water. “You need to rest. Go to bed and I’ll be in there in a minute.” 

“Sweetheart, I should go home if I’m sick. Lily hasn’t been out of the hospital long. I don’t want to make her sick.” 

“You won’t. It’s my job to take care of you. I’d like to think I’m your girlfriend, even if we haven’t made it official.” 

Jensen smiled and cupped my face, “You’re definitely more than that, baby.” 

I smiled and kissed his forehead, “Good, now bed.” 

He smirked, “Yes ma’am.” Jensen crawled back in the bed and I went to check on Lily.

“Sweetie, Jensen isn’t feeling good so he’s in bed. We have to do our best to keep it down so he can rest.” 

Her eyes flicked up at me and filled with concern. She climbed off the couch and ran to my bedroom. 

“Lily, honey. Come back.” Before I could stop her she was standing in the bedroom. “Lily, come on. Let Jensen rest.” 

Tears filled her eyes. Jensen saw her and it broke his heart, “Hey baby girl. I’m okay. Just a little cold.” 

He held his arms out and pulled her in for a hug. She crawled on the bed and sat beside him. 

“Lily, come on.” I tried to get her to leave but she just snuggled down into the bed. 

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Jensen chuckled, “I can’t imagine where she got her stubborn streak from. She’s okay. I promise.” 

I sighed, “Fine Lily, but you have to let him sleep.” She giggled. “I knew you two were gonna be trouble together. She’s already got you wrapped around her little finger.” 

“Since the day we met, right Lily?” Jensen laughed wearily. 

I went back into the living room, grabbed her stuffies and other things. When I walked back into the room the two of them were watching Supernatural together. 

Lily kept looking at Dean on the tv and then back to Jensen. Her smile grew wide. 

“Of course you two are watching this.” I laughed as I handed Lily her things. 

“Do you need anything?” I asked as I placed my hand on Jensen’s forehead. 

“Maybe my other girl snuggled beside me too.” “As much as I’d love to, I need to clean the house and do some laundry. I’ll be back soon to check on you two. Holler if you need anything.” I placed a kiss on his forehead and left. 

A few hours later and 2 loads of laundry I snuck in to check on Jensen and Lily. I found them both asleep. Lily snuggled to Jensen and his arm draped over her. I couldn’t help but snap a picture. 

My heart was so full looking at them. I crept back to the living room and finished folding the laundry. 

Lily woke up and wiggled out from the bed and came into the room with me. 

“Hey baby. Did you have a good nap?” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom, pointing at Jensen. 

I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but I stepped closer to him. Soft snores left his slightly parted lips. 

Lily took my hand and placed it on Jensen. He was soaked. I knew what she was telling me. 

I picked her up and took her out of the room. “He’s okay baby. He’s sweating because his fever is gone. I promise he’s okay.” 

Lily stayed in the living room with me while Jensen slept. A few hours later he was awake and feeling a bit better. I told him what Lily did and he smiled. 

“Look at that. My Lily girl made the fever go away. Thank you baby girl.” 

She smiled. When he started coughing again she looked worried. 

Lily left the room quickly. “Wonder where she’s going.” I said. 

She came back with her moose and squirrel and handed them to Jensen. He smiled. “For me to get better?” She nodded. “Love dada.” 

I gasped. “Did she just..” my voice trailed off. Jensen smiled, “yeah she did.” 

“Jensen, I’m sorry. I…uh…” I started to panic. Everything was happening so fast I was afraid it would scare him off. 

“Hey, Y/N. Take a deep breath. It’s okay.” I took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Besides, I kinda like the sound of that.” 

Over the next week Jensen got better. He’d split his time between my house and his. We’d talked about Lily and I spending nights at his house so today the three of us were heading to pick out some things for Lily’s room at Jensen’s. He wanted her to be comfortable and was willing to get her whatever she wanted for her room. 

“Jensen, please don’t go overboard. She’ll be perfectly happy with a bed and dresser.” 

Jensen chuckled, “I promise I won’t go overboard.” He got a devilish look on his face and I knew I was in trouble. 

The three of us loaded up the car and Jensen headed towards the furniture store he frequented. 

Walking in I gasped softly. “Jensen, I can already tell this place is going to be out of my budget.” 

He stepped closer to me, “Not out of mine.” He kissed my lips and scooped Lily up and walked towards the kids section. 

I laughed, shook my head and followed them. A sales associate approached Jensen and I, “Is there anything particular you two are looking for?” She asked. 

Jensen pointed at Lily, “Whatever she wants.” She looked over at Lily and nodded. 

Lily walked around and Jensen was close by. I hung back and looked around too. I found a cute little bed, simple and perfect. Then I heard Lily squeal. 

My attention was instantly focused on her. She’d found a bed that looked like Cinderella’s carriage. There was a matching side table and dresser. The canopy sparkled under the showroom lights. 

The sales associate walked over and started talking to Jensen. “Seems like your little girl really likes this bed.” 

He chuckled then looked over at me then back to Lily. “Yeah. I think so too.” 

I stepped closer and I shook my head. “Jensen, this is too much. She doesn’t need a princess bed.” 

He walked over and sat beside her on the bed. “Yes she does, because she’s my princess. Isn’t that right Lily?” 

She snuggled close to him. “I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I?” 

He nodded, “Yep.” 

I sighed and shook my head. “If you say so. I still think it’s too much.” 

He kissed my lips, “Nothing will ever be too much for her or you.” I smiled and kissed him back, “Just try not to spoil her too much.” “No promises, darlin’.” 

Jensen paid for the bedroom set, a new mattress and delivery. He ordered the full size bed instead of the twin because Lily loved snuggles and it’s easier with a bigger bed. 

Before we left a few fans approached him and he took pictures and signed autographs. 

This was the first time I’d been with him since the convention where he was noticed. 

Getting into the car Jensen took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. “I think that was a successful shopping trip, don’t you?” 

I nodded. He knew something was wrong. “Baby, you okay?” “Yeah, it’s still just strange being out in public with you and people approach you. I guess I need to get used to it. 

He nodded in understanding, “I know. It can be a bit much, but I’ll be by your side the whole time.” 

We pulled back up to Jensen’s house and went in. Lily ran to play in the living room while Jensen and I went to the room that was going to be Lily’s. 

“Jensen, this room is huge.” “Nothing but the best for my girl. So I’m thinking of an area rug so she’s not sitting directly on the floor. This floor gets chilly. I’ll take care of all of it. The bedroom set will be here in a few days, so I’ll get my designer here to pick out the rug and other things for the room.” 

I just smiled and nodded. I knew it was pointless to argue. I kissed his lips softly, “You’re amazing, you know that.” He smirked, “I’ve been told a time or two.” 

We cleaned out the room and as I was sweeping the floor Jensen’s phone rang. “Hey, I’ll be back. I’ve got to take this.” I nodded and kept cleaning. 

When he came back into the room he let out a deep sigh. “Hey, we need to talk.” 

I swallowed hard, my heart pounded in my chest, “Sure, what’s going on Jensen?” “Well, a couple of things actually. That was my manager. Apparently someone took pictures of us today and posted them online. Lily’s face was hidden, so that’s good, but your face was not.” 

“Oh, so is your manager telling you to break up with me?” Jensen’s eyes went wide, “What?! No, they just wanted to let me know and wanted to see if I wanted to make a statement about us. That’s what I wanted to ask you, if you were okay with going public or not yet.” 

I sighed and let out the breath I was holding. “Um, I’m okay with whatever you want to do Jensen. This is all so new to me. I don’t want to mess your job up, so I will let you decide. I’m okay with whatever you think is best.” 

“Well, going public or keeping our relationship to ourselves right now have their advantages and disadvantages. If we go public we don’t have to sneak around, but that means your face and name will be in public, and unfortunately at the mercy of some nasty people at times. If we keep this between us, then we continue to keep things private, so not going out as much, and your name stays out of public. If we keep things private that means I attend events and parties alone, and if I’m being honest I don’t want that.”

I took a deep breath, “Let’s do it, Jensen. Let’s go public. I’m terrified, but I know you’re going to be by my side the whole time.” Jensen stepped closer to me and pulled me close, his lips ghosting mine, “You better believe it. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“So, what was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?” He took a shaky breath, “Well, they bumped up my shooting schedule for one of the series I’m working on. I have to leave next week for California.” 

My heart sank, I got so used to him being at home I almost forgot he worked away from home. “I get it, you’ve got to go when they want you to. Lily and I will miss you like crazy, but we’ll be here waiting for you. Just promise you’ll FaceTime us. I don’t know if I can go long without seeing your handsome face.”

He smiled at me, “Yeah, I promise. I’ll call and FaceTime every single day.” 

The two of us walked into the living room and found Lily coloring and drawing. “You know, the hardest part is going to be telling her you’re leaving. She might try to hide in your suitcase.” We both laughed, but I was worried about her. 

“Well, what if we don’t have to tell her I’m leaving?” I looked at him confused, “Jensen, she’s going to realize you’re gone. Even if she can’t talk she’s going to feel your absence.” “No, what I mean is why don’t you two go with me?” “What?” “Yeah, Y/N, you and Lily go to California with me. When I’m not on set the three of us can explore the area and I can take my girls out in LA.” 

“Really? You want us to go with you?” He nodded enthusiastically, “Yes!” “Well, I’d have to talk to my boss, but I don’t see why not. I think she’d love that. I know I would.” 

He pulled me flush to his body and kissed my lips, “I’d like it too, sweetheart.” 

The next few days we went about our normal lives. Jensen told his manager he was going to go public with our relationship, but he would do it his way. They agreed. Lily was sitting in between Jensen and I on the couch when there was a knock at the front door. 

I got up to answer it, looking out the peephole I gasped. Jensen was by my side quickly, “What’s wrong?” “Um, it’s David. Lily’s father.” 

“What the hell does he want?” “I don’t know. I haven't seen him since I found out I was pregnant. What should I do?” 

“Go ahead and open the door. I’m right here, baby.” I nodded and opened the door. He smirked when I opened the door, “Hey Y/N. Long time. What's it been, 7 years?” “David, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“Well, I saw you on Instagram. I see you went ahead and had the baby. I’m here to meet my daughter.” 

I scoffed, “Your daughter?!  Where the hell have you been the past 7 years of her life?! She’s not your daughter, she’s mine.” I practically growled. 

He looked past me and saw Lily on the couch, “Hey sweetie, it’s daddy. Why don’t you come say hello.” Lily wouldn’t look at him. 

Jensen stood between us, “I think you should leave.” “Who are you, pretty boy?” Jensen’s jaw tightened, “I’m the one that’s been here with Y/N and her daughter. Like I said, I think you should leave.” 

“Not happening until I meet my daughter.” “David, please leave. You’re going to upset Lily. She doesn’t do well with strangers. If you even care about her a little bit you’ll leave.” 

“What do you mean she doesn’t do well around strangers? I’m not a stranger. I’m her father. Lily, come here baby. Come to daddy.” 

I could see Jensen’s jaw get tighter. Lily ran to Jensen’s leg and grabbed him. “Dada up.” 

David looked at me and then Jensen, “What’s wrong with her?” “She’s autistic, David and doesn’t talk much. Please leave.” 

“Wow, what did you do to her that caused this?” Tears fell from my eyes, “I didn’t do anything, she was born this way you asshole.” 

Lily buried her face in Jensen’s neck and clung tightly to him. Jensen stepped between David and I, “Let me ask you something. If you're her father then tell me when is her birthday? What about her favorite TV show, color? How does she like her bacon? What’s her favorite stuffy? A REAL father would be able to answer all of that. You aren’t her father, you’re just the man who knocked up her mother and then left. Now, I’m not going to ask you again to leave.” 

David scoffed, “You know what, you can have both of them. I never wanted her and she’s just an easy lay. Good luck with her.” He turned on his heels and walked away. 

I closed the door and let out the breath I was holding and the tears fell. Lily clung to Jensen, “My daddy.” “Yes, baby. I’m your daddy and I love you beyond the stars.” 

“Speaking of which, Y/N, let’s make that announcement now. I’m ready if you are.” I nodded. He picked a picture he took of us, both of us looking at the camera and smiling, and another picture of us kissing. “Are these two okay with you?” I smiled and nodded, “Perfect, Jensen.” 

He posted both photos to Instagram, tagging me, and captioned it with: I can’t believe I get to call you mine. I love you beyond the stars, Y/N. Now and forever. 🥰 💗

When my phone went off I smiled and commented: “You better believe it. Now and forever, Jens.” 

He smiled, looked at me and kissed my lips. “There, now there is no mistaking who my heart belongs to. I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.” 

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[l4vend3r-hcs-x]

Kny Oneshot - Giyú asked Mitsuri to help him befriend Sanemi

Linking to a post I made HERE

After Tanjiro's little pep talk the other day, I think Giyú took that on like a silent challenge for himself, to try and make some friends - or at least improve his relationships a little. And Giyú is a man of his word - if he says he'll do something - he'll do it.

So he committed to what he told Tanjiro, and set out to befriend Sanemi. And it got pretty serious pretty fast. I mean he knew how to make Ohagi, but he didn't know how to do it well. Luckily, he knew someone who did...

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

"WHAT?!" Mitsuri's voice rang out, reverberating on the walls of her estate

"Mits, please.." Giyú groaned, raising one hand to his ear and another to his shaking tea.

"Op- sorry." she grinned awkwardly and flushed "It's just that I didn't exactly expect you to be so keen on... making... friends - WAIT NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT I JUST- ohhh I'm not too good at this am I?" she hung her head

"Not really, that's a pretty astute observation though." Giyú shrugged, sipping his tea "Hey, this stuff is pretty good."

"The Master recommended it to me actually! It's form some lovely vendors down by the mansion, down past the pharmacy!"

A slightly uncomfortable silence perused them; Giyú continuing to sip his tea, and Mitsuri quietly brewing another pot at her counter.

He's not speaking at all?!??! Oh this is so painfully quiet!! It's nice to have him here but - IS HE UNCOMFORTABLE TOO??!? OH NO!! I DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK I DON'T WANT HIM HERE!! THIS IS SUCH A BIG STEP AND I DON'T WANT IT TO BE FOR NOTHING AND-

"Do you think this is a good idea? Honestly - do you?" Giyú suddenly uttered, it was so quiet Mitsuri surely would have missed it completely if the room were not this quiet.

Giyú's eyes glinted with confusion "More?? You mean I... have friends already?"

W-what?! Mitsuri's thoughts screamed

"Are... we not friends, Mr Tomioka?" she smiled nervously

"Well, Kocho told me that you likely did not want to peruse friendship with someone like myself. She told me that you were more than likely going to become violently ill if I attempted to initiate a relationship higher than acquaintances with you." spoke with a monotonous voice but he nodded as thought her point was valid.

"HUH?!" Mitsuri shrieked "And you BELEIVED her?!!"

"I trust Kocho." He peered up at her innocently

"Don't." she smiled wearily, patting his back gently before pulling him to his feet "Anyhoo!~ Let's teach you how to DO THIS!!" her voice grew fierce with determination as she hauled him over to her countertop

~~~~~~

After a few long silences, a surprising fit of laughter, and two hours of prepping - they were finished. A fresh batch of Ohagi lay on the table in front of them, and beside it was a written recipe that Giyú could follow in future.

"Thanks, 'Tsu." Giyú muttered, a gentle smile coming to his face "I really do appreciate all this."

"'Course Giyú!" she slung an arm around him "I just hope that Sanemi likes them! I mean I'm sure he will - he's like addicted to these things. If he didn't train to often I really would worry for his health, you know?"

"Hmm..." Giyú hummed, his mind seemingly elsewhere

"Giyú? You okay?"

"Huh? Oh - yes, I was just thinking how Sabito might react to me giving him these..."

"Sorry?" Mitsuri, who had slipped away from Giyú to start cleaning the mess they had made, suddenly spun to face him "How who might react?"

Giyú's brows furrowed, confused by her seemingly redundant question "...Sanemi??"

"Nono you said Sabito…" Mitsuri smiled confusedly at him "Giyú…who's Sabito?"

but she didn't get a response. Instead, she was met with the view of Tomioka clasping tightly to his left arm, a bewildered look in his downcast eyes. is breath began to quicken, his palms and brow growing wet, body beginning to tremble as the Love Hashira drew closer.

"Giyú, are... you alright?" she went to place a hand on his shoulder, but he jolted back from her

"I, uh- I think I should be going.." bowing deeply to her, grabbed the paper on the table and swiftly left the mansion with her following in an anxious pursuit.

"Giyú!! I'm- I'm sorry!! Please just come back!!" but Giyú had taken off in full sprint and was well out of view by now - there was no catching him.

"Shoot..." she clamped her teeth down on a bent finger

~~~~~

Sabito?? Why did I say his name?? Surely he doesn't remind me of-

Giyú was running through this seemingly endless forest when the notion dawned on him. It was a truly awful thought, not one that he could ever admit out loud - but the two were all too similar for him not to have noticed eventually.

"Shit." he hissed under his breath as he entered his home, eyes beginning to sting as he began to disrobe; practically tearing off the uniform he was not worthy of owning. Tossing his mismatched jacket to his futon, he sank to the floor once he had put on something more comfortable.

Then once again, that all too familiar sinking feeling consumed him. that heavy weight on his chest returned, his eyes prickling with tears, mangled sobs parting form his lips. He drew his knees to his chest instinctively, reaching for his haori to bury his face in, the familiar textures only worsening his cries. God, he felt pathetic. It was one word, one name, one stupid, little, insignificant mistake - and it had gotten him this worked up??

He was supposed to be a convincing placeholder for the water pillar, loosing his composure in front of a Hashira was not going to ensure his facade's security. He needed to try harder. Why had he always been so damn emotional?? He was always overreacting to the smallest of things - just like his father had always said to him. Even Urokodaki had alluded to it before...

It was before final selection, and he was so worried that the two of them would not make it home. He was told to remain calm, to stay brave, and not show his fear. He was assured that he would come home safe, practically unharmed. If only he had been assured that Sabito would have been the same…

Sabito... surely that man didn't remind him of Sabito... Sabito was kind... Sabito was gentle... Sabito was determined.. Sabito was fierce Sabito was a fighter... Sanemi was-

"Fuck..." Giyú hissed under his breath, head now in his hands.

Maybe he does... but that's insane...

Giyú raised his head slowly, his unchanging expression still leaking with salted water just as the paper slipped from the inner pocket of his haori. He slipped it into his hands, the smell of the bean paste that stained it lingering in his nose.

As he looked at Mitsuri's tidy, cursive writing, his mind began to wander again. She had put such effort into this for him, just to help him… make friends, god this is almost funny.

Giyū let out a mix of a sob and laugh, climbing to his feet as he set out for his kitchen. If she was so adamant on helping him, then surely this was something worth trying.

He luckily found the ingredients listed in his cupboards, raiding them to find each component of the recipe. If he was going to do this - he was going to do it well…

He was going to make use of what Sabito left to him… one way or another…

~~~~~

“Then I think that is the last of it!” Uzui smiled, adjusting his eyepatch as their makeshift hashira meeting came to an end.

It wasn’t something they needed to do, but it let them keep some kind of normality to their situation, and was a nice excuse to check in on each other.

“Oh and if anyone bumps into Kocho again…” he stretched his annunciation “Tellll her I still have that thing I- Suma borrowed.” He paused for a moment before swatting a hand dismissively “Sh- She’ll know what I mean.”

And as the hashira filed out of the room - the only remaining pair in the room was, as luck would have it, Sanemi and Giyú.

“Igurooooo” Sanemi groaned through a clenched jaw, hurriedly tying his sandals again “bastard - all I asked was for you to wait for me - but nooo” he hurried his voice to a higher, more effeminate tone “I cAn’t KeEp MiTsUri wAiTiNg~”

Giyuu, sat in the back of the soon, simply observed The wind hashira as he struggled to retie the strings on his footwear. It was actually taking quite a long time, wow.

The entire meeting, Giyú and Sanemi had been stealing glances, ones that were received as snide looks due to Giyú's unfortunate resting face, and thus ignored.

Maybe he just didn’t notice me… Giyú thought to himself.

“Shinazugawa..?” Giyū muttered, rising to his feet

“HOLY- Tomioka??” Sanemi jolted, promptly composing himself again

I literally didn’t even realise he was still here. Ah shit he probably thinks I’m fucking crazy, talking to myself like that-

“Are you alright?” Giyū muttered “You’re staring.”

“No I’m not, jackass.” Sanemi huffed, a slight tinge of embarrassment reddening his face

“Alright then.” Giyū blinked indifferently "I must be seeing things."

“Do you NEED something?!” Sanemi whined, finishing with his straps

"I uh, I wanted to give you this..." Giyú spoke very gently, his tone void of emotion as he extended a hand with a small offering atop it; a little black bag with a few pieces of Ohagi as its contents.

"Is that..." Sanemi looked at Giyú in disbelief

"Ohagi? Yes. After the other day with Tanjiro - I thought it might be something you'd enjo-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Tomioka." Sanemi scoffed, a hand resting on his hip "You can drop the act. I get you don't like me, but trying to mock me? That's another thing entirely. Seriously fuck off."

He leant down to grab his satchel, turning on his heel to point an angry finger at the other man "DON'T follow me out."

And with a frustrated huff, Sanemi left the room with a slam of the door, leaving Giyú dumbfounded, and a little offended. What on earth did he mean? Mocking him? That's not what he was doing at all? Maybe it was his face. Kocho had told him he had an unpleasant face on more than one occasion - only looking out for him, of course. But maybe it was something he could take into consideration..?

~~~

"'Guro! 'Tsuri!!" Sanemi yelled, catching up to his friends "You will not believe what just happened."

"Tomioka struck up a conversation with you" Obanai snickered, only to get a swat on the back of the head from Mitsuri "Sorry! Sorry..."

"Yeah... actually..." Sanemi sighed, peering over his shoulder apprehensively, raising a hand to the back of his neck and rubbing anxiously "It was really fucking weird, he fucking tried to give me Ohagi.."

Obanai stopped in his tracks, disgust on his face "You're joking, right??"

Mitsuri's cheeks reddened in worry, her hands flittering before her "I-I thought you liked Ohagi, Sanemi?!"

Sanemi turned to her as they walked, dragging a confused Iguro by the elbow behind him "Oh no I do, it was just the way he said it was so - condescending?"

HOW DID HE MANAGE TO BE CONDESCENDING??! IT'S GOSH DARN OHAGI?! Mitsuri's thoughts ran wild, trying to comprehend what she had just heard

"How did he even know you liked that sugary shit?" Obanai hissed while he shook himself from Sanemi's grasp, slotting himself between him and Mitsuri

Sanemi groaned and cast his eyes skyward "That fucking Kamado boy ratted me out. He was so frustratingly kind while he did it too. GOD I mate the little bastard. I just don't trust it! There is just no way-"

"Someone is actually. That. Nice." Mitsuri and Obanai finished his sentence, memorizing it from the countless times Sanemi had rattled on about the alleged prodigy

"I don't get how you two hate him so much!" Tsuri pouted turning her chin up at them and looking away "Nezuko either! The two of them are just so sweet!!"

Sanemi snickered down at Obanai, mouthing "You sure about this one?"

But his only response was a half-assed punch to the gut and the sound of a blood vessel bursting from his little companion

"It's just why would he got that far out of his way just to piss me off?? I get he's an odd one but even for him this is another level of fuckery."

"Then maybe it wasn't - uh..." she gestured to Iguro

"FUCKERY."

"Well yeah, that."

"'Tsuri what the fuck are you talkin' about"

"What is he was trying to be uh nice...?" she smiled awkwardly

Sanemi's jaw dropped despite his mouth remaining shut, Iguro slowly meeting his gaze, and after a few seconds of silence the two erupted in sonorous laughter, causing Mitsuri to throw up her hands in defeat with a huff.

"Ohohoh, 'Tsu that's a good one." Sanemi slapped her shoulder playfully as he struggled for air

"Yeah, Mits. I gotta give it to you, never thought you'd make jokes about that asshole too - WHEW I CAN'T BREATHE." Iguro chimed in, and Kaburamaru even hissed in delight

"I am serious!! What if he want's to be frien-" but she was cut off by another chorus of shouts and howling "UGH. Maybe Tengen's right, he shouldn't give you two the time of day." she pouted, speeding off in a huff from the other men

"Oh no - Mits come back!" Iguro cooed, barely stifling his laughter

"Yeah pinkie! Come tell us how he wants to get closer to- PFFT HAHA IGURO I CAN'T TAKE IT IT'S TOO FUNNY!!" The man began to sob with violent laughter, his body shaking

But she was already long gone by the time he had forced out the sentence, and even further than that when the real comedy began.

"Dude she is a fucking riot. I take it back - I think I can look past her benevolence with that demon girl, she is hilarious. 'hE's TrYinG tO Be nicE' OH MY GOD HAHA"

Iguro wiped the ghost of a tear from his eye "You impersonate her far too well"

"A-thank you, I've had practice." he beamed

they continued to walk for a few more minutes, light-hearted jeers audible in the surrounding area, as well as some information that was probably best not to be discussed in public.

"No but I saw him take it from her as well - deadass. Don't look at me like that!! I am telling you that's what 'Suma' borrowed from her"

Iguro cackled in disbeleif "there is now way you are gonna stand tere and lie, saying he took a bottle of-"

"I AM NOT LYING!!" he beamed in dismay "WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THIS??"

"I DON'T KNOW?! SOME SICK REVENGE FOR THE TIME HE CAUGHT YOU-"

"YOU SAID WE WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT." He gasped dramatically, slapping a hand on the shorter man's mouth "there is no way you just tried to lick me with that on your face."

"I literally forgot it was there - ew it tastes like Kocho's fuck ass tea she gives us in rehab"

"I'll take your word for it, pal" he giggled, wiping his hand on his front absentmindedly

"You sure? I mean I could be a fucking liar as well??"

"Well then, there's only one way for me to really find out isn't there??" he smirked, jokingly tilting up his friends chin, leaning in before the two of them roared with laughter

"What's so funny?" A third voice then chimed in

"OH MY GOD" Sanemi screamed

"WOAH- T-Tomioka??" Obanai poorly supressed a gag as he turned to see none other than the water hashira stood behind them, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"Yes?" he beamed

"What are you doing here?" Sanemi stepped forward, a slight flush to his face "I thought I told you not to follow me out??"

"Dudeee." Obanai sneered seeing the red tinge to his friend's face

"I didn't. I just happened to be passing though here! my estate's just down the way."

Although this was Tomioka Giyū's natural demeanour, this was a side to him never before seen by his fellow hashira, and thus was met as such.

"Would you quit that??" Iguro hissed, Kaburamaru lashing her tail around his neck

Giyū blinked at Obanai, mildly perplexed by the sudden hostility. "Quit what?" he asked, voice even and unaltering to the tension around them

"You’re... smiling?" Sanemi sneered, stepping up to Obanai’s side, arms crossed defensively. His eyes narrowed, suspicious of the Water Pillar's sudden shift in personality. “What the hell are you playing at?”

Giyū stood before them in silence, both debating what he was going to say, and feeling the pressure of the scrutiny weighing down on him. It wasn't often that he allowed himself to feel anything beyond his solemn duty, and he had to admit, it did feel awfully strange.

“I’m… not playing at anything,” Giyū finally replied, looking back at Sanemi. “I was trying to offer you something I thought you’d like, but clearly I misjudged.”

Sanemi rolled his eyes, his irritation still palpable. “You really expect me to believe that? After all these years of keeping your distance, barely saying a word, and now you want to mock and tease? Give me a break, Tomioka.”

"Yeah," Obanai chimed in, his expression cold. "You're always standing around like you're better than the rest of us. And even if you aren't playing at anything, it's suspicious regardless."

Giyū clenched his fists at his sides, fighting back the sting of their words. He knew his demeanour often came off as distant—aloof, even. But he wasn’t trying to look down on anyone. He was just… bad at expressing himself. And worse at forming connections. Maybe it was too late to change things.

“I am not mocking either of you. I apologise if I have seemed distant, but if you cannot comprehend my efforts, I suppose I'll leave the two of you to... frolic? in peace until I can find a way to help you to. "

Sanemi’s gaze flickered with a confusing blend of emotion. There was no doubt shock in it, a shadow of understanding, and what appeared to be flusterment? But it was gone as quickly as it came. “Whatever.” he muttered, turning away, that red still lingering on his face, possibly even worse than before

Obanai glanced up at Sanemi before fixing Giyū with a hard stare. “Word of advice, Tomioka. You have gotta fix your face. People are going to assume you're being an ass if you say things with that look plastered on."

"You just said you didn't want me smiling."

"Just don't capture the essence of a frost bitten apple, okay?" he groaned sarcastically

“I’ll… keep that in mind,” Giyū muttered with a determined nod.

"Fucking hell he took me seriously" Iguro hissed under his breath

With that, Giyū turned to leave, the tension in the air still thick. But at least he had tried. And that, he thought, was a step in the right direction.

“And, Sanemi? If you change your mind about the Ohagi, you know where to find me.”

Behind him, Obanai leaned toward Sanemi with a low chuckle. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a little admirer. Maybe he’s not as dead inside as we thought, huh?”

Sanemi glowered, swatting Obanai lightly on the shoulder. “Shut up. There’s no way in hell Tomioka’s interested in making good on things. I bet you dinner it was an order from the master."

“Maybe,” Obanai mused. “Or maybe he really does want to befriend you, and you’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

Sanemi’s scowl deepened, but he didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure what bothered him more—the idea that Giyū might actually want to connect with him, or the nagging thought that maybe he wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea.

As Giyū walked away, the faint memory of Sabito drifted back to his mind. Maybe it wasn't such an awful idea to get closer with the two of them - and maybe this is what Sabito would have wanted! But deeper down, the realisation began to dawn on him that - maybe this is what he wanted too..

OKAY I HAVE NO IDEA IF ANYONE READ THIS TO THE END BUT IF YOU DID PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! (Please note that this is a rough draft for the chapter that will be posted to my Kny of insert "Have we met before" and the chapter will be called "Don't follow me out." xx) OKAY THANK YOU THAT IS ALL GOODBYE!!

~ Lav xx

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

Another great batch of episodes this week, as Kasuga and Nomoto settled into dating life, all the gals got together for various food related events, and Nagumo began seeking treatment for her eating disorder. This show is just always so compassionate with its characters, and manages to find interesting conflicts without going for high drama. I am very much enjoying seeing Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how their relationship should look now that they're dating and also how to communicate and respect each other as they make decisions. Kasuga's tendency to let Nomoto steamroll her feels harmless when it's about picking fruit or vegetables, but it won't be when it comes to making decisions about where they live and how to set up their home, so it's great they're addressing it early. It's also awesome to see them expand their circle of friends and deepen their bonds with Yako and Nagumo--I was high key jealous of the curry and s'mores parties. And Nagumo just has my whole heart. When she expressed profound relief at learning there is a name for her illness and ways to treat it, my mind immediately jumped to Rachel Bloom. Looking forward to her healing. I can't believe there is only one more batch of episodes coming, love and gratitude to @furritsubs!

Chaser Game W

I’ll keep this brief. This show was a mess, and not even in a fun way because unfortunately it was also extremely misogynistic. @twig-tea covered the major issues well in her post. Wild that this show aired simultaneously with TsukuTabe, what a dichotomy.

My Strawberry Film

This one is really not grabbing me. It feels kind of slow and muted and uncertain about what it's doing. I am not finding the mystery or the love rhombus compelling, and this week's focus on Hikaru's infatuation with Minami had me yawning and picking up my phone a lot. But it's early, I am hopeful it will pick up some steam.

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

This was a cute episode about Sakae and Soga getting past their initial awkwardness, learning how to communicate with each other, and moving into a more intimate phase of their relationship, and I think I would have loved it if we'd gotten it two weeks ago. This should have been the episode that followed their initial confessions, but instead the show did a two week diversion into love triangle nonsense, and unfortunately, I think it really threw off the pacing and the connection to these characters for me. It just feels too late in the show for this relationship to still feel so new. We haven't had time to settle in with them as a couple, or for them to develop a strong foundation to make us root for them to overcome the coming obstacles in the final arc. Still, this episode had some delightful scenes--Soga finally paying a visit to the sauna was my personal fav, and I also enjoyed the metaphor of Sakae literally catching Soga's love (and knowing @bengiyo would lose it over another important SPORTS moment in bl). This is a show I really want to love, but something just isn't connecting.

Perfect Propose

I love this final episode and I love this show. Hiro quit his job, Kai resolved things with the shop owner and his son, and they finally got on the same page about their relationship and made out about it. 10/10 no notes for this finale. It was lovely to see Hiro finish his project and make a decision to quit the daily grind--I loved, too, that he is still in touch with his former colleagues--and we saw the change in him so quickly. He looked happier, lighter, brighter. His skin was cleared and his crops were watered! And Kai got to have his moment of catharsis too, sharing his fear that he is a burden on others and having Hiro affirm for him that he wants him in his life and he's a help, not a burden. And I loved that we got all that plus a great kiss, a bed scene (with a very cute leg cramp diversion) and a small peek at their new domestic life together. This show makes me happy and it will definitely be one I return to for rewatches.

Ossan's Love Returns

I'm of two minds on this finale. On the one hand, I really loved it as a single episode of the show, was happy with where all the resolutions landed, and was left with a very warm feeling toward the show overall. The cherry blossom scene especially really got me right in the feels; I've loved the progression of Maki and Haruta's relationship this season and I love the way they talk to each other. They have earned themselves a spot on my list of favorite drama couples who I actually believe are going to stay together. I also loved everything about the big chaotic group scene and all these characters coming together to pour love on Haruta; it felt earned after a season of him knocking himself out for all his loved ones. The end joke with Chief moving in next door, and getting a final Maki/Kurosawa battle, was *chef's kiss*. And Takegawa's perfect life partner being a cat? 10/10 no notes. I will be clutching my aroace Takegawa read tightly to my bosom.

On the other hand, the episode reinforced for me that the way we got to a lot of these resolutions didn't feel quite right. In particular, I don't think the way Kurosawa's health scare played out across the back half of the season worked, and I'm not too pleased about spending three episodes in a downbeat, tragic mode for the sake of a simple pun joke. I think the whole plot would have landed a lot better for me if the audience was let in on Kurosawa's mistake at the start and the tone of his overwrought goodbyes was farcical all the way through. Not only would that have maintained the comedic tone of the show, but we could have used that story time to better seed some of the themes of this episode with Haruta's crisis of confidence and yearning for family. I'm pretty much agnostic on Kiku and Izumi; they never sold me on that pairing but I wasn't mad about their ending.

Overall, I am very glad I jumped into this show and enjoyed the watch experience a lot, despite my quibbles with some of the overarching writing choices. The cast is amazing and all the characters make me smile. If they make another season, I'll be watching!

Bonus: Josi teki Saikatsu

I finally watched this drama this week--I held out for awhile hoping to find it in better quality, but no dice, it's 480p in the grey--and despite the potato lens I loved it so much. This is the story of Miki, a transfemme lesbian, just trying to live her life in the way she wants, and all the barriers she comes up against in that pursuit. Our story begins when her childhood friend, Goto, comes looking for his old pal in a moment of desperation and is stunned to see how she's changed. The show is only four short episodes, but they manage to paint a full picture of Miki's life at home, at work, with friends and lovers, and with her estranged family, and show us how she became who she is. Miki is whip smart and perceptive and generous, but also wary of trusting anyone after she's been let down by so many loved ones. I love her so much, and you will too. This story was written by a trans woman and it shows! Brave the 480p and check it out.

[originalcollectionartistry]

Guess I waited too long part 2

Well! After being continually threatened by my mates and partner to finish it and the requests here, I’ve finished a part 2! It’s angsty and fluffly with a hint of sexy 😉 If y’all want a part 3 of pure smut let me know!

Warnings: mention of torture, clone experimentation, and lots of angst and some foreplay towards the end!!

Word count is a little bit above 4k

Part 1 Part 3

As always, I write for 18+ so MINORS BEGONE!!!

Enjoy!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You hadn’t heard from the boys in 20 rotations. You assumed something had happened as they wouldn’t go this long without contacts. Cid was repeatedly calling them, threatening them. You asked Cid to lay off. They probably needed some time to cool off, as Cid had left them stranded on a desert planet. And while Cid claimed no responsibility, you would do the same as the Batch. You’d leave too if you could. But you owed Cid a lot, and after one small mistake at your other job, you were back at the bar full time. It was a small clerical error, something that was easily fixable but that was enough to fire you. 

“If they don’t show their faces, I’m gonna turn them in!” Cid huffed. “You don’t cross me and get away with it!”

Your stomach dropped, fearing the worst now. What if they had been caught? “You don’t mean that Cid. They’ve done a lot more for you than you have for them! Surely you must understand they’re angry. Just because you think you have control doesn’t mean you do anymore. They’re free men.”

You clocked out, not wanting to be near Cid anymore. The place was empty, save for the three regulars. You walked home, hoping to have heard something. You checked your data-pad, hoping to see a coded message but nothing. Not one of them had let you know they were safe. 

You made dinner and watched a holodrama. Not your favourite but it was something to keep your mind off the Batch. After your outburst with Tech at the store, you cried your heart out, calling out sick from your shift at Cid’s that night. You wanted to tell him! Truly you did! It just hurt so much to see him and Phee happy and in love that you had to walk away. 

Your comm chirped with a coded new message, from Phee. The boys were safe and they needed your help. The message ended with coordinates. What in Force’s name would they need your help for?? 

You called Cid, saying your sister was ill and being it was just you and her, you were needed off world. You didn’t have a sister but Cid didn’t know that. You never spoke about your private life in the bar, fearing Cid or someone could blackmail you somehow. Which was a smart move as Cid sent a message back allowing you off world. You never asked for time off so Cid had no reason not to trust you. You said you’d be back as soon as you could, as long as the Empire didn’t convict you on false charges. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were a nervous wreck the whole trip over to Pabu. You really did not want to see Tech; you still felt bad at your outburst and missed him but you did not want to see him and Phee cuddled up. You groaned in pain, your nerves getting the better of your stomach. How were you going to face Tech? You had acted so poorly! Yes you loved him but it was so hard to see him with another person! You felt it was easier for you to push him away, make him hate you so you could force yourself to move on. But you knew that was never going to be the case, cause as you as you landed, you were bombarded with affection from Wrecker.

“There’s my girl!” Wrecker cried out, enveloping you in a hug. You laughed happily, the gentle giant always knowing how to literally sweep you off your feet. 

You returned the hug and Hunter approached next with Omega. Giving them both a hug, you choked back tears, not realising how much you truly missed them. You looked around and saw Tech was nowhere to be found… neither was Phee. Your smile faded, but you forced it to stay on your face a while longer as Hunter showed you around. 

You had to admit, the island was… well, paradise. Sure there were risks of tsunamis but you felt you could live with that. You could see how Hunter had relaxed his shoulders, his face was bright. Wrecker was satiated and NOT hungry!! Omega was laughing and having fun, with kids her own age! You wanted to stay, your complicated relationship with Phee aside, you could happily live here. 

“Ah, you’re here safely. I was wondering if you had received the message. I remember your data-pad having certain security measures.” 

Turning from Hunter you saw Tech, enamoured with his own data pad. You smiled fondly at the clone’s usual posture. “Yes I got them Tech. You had nothing to be concerned about.”

Tech looked up briefly to see you smiling gently, like you used to with him. He did notice, however, that it was a forced smile. A duality of one, both gentle and sincere but forced and painful. Looking back down, he said matter-of-factly, “Of course. Phee knows how to follow instruction and is a highly intelligent individual. While not at my level, she is more than average. I was never concerned about that but if you would find us.”

Ouch. Okay, that one stung, but you felt you deserved it. You had been rather rude and callous towards Tech. Even if he didn’t mean to insult you, it hit deep. 

Phee sat next to Tech as everyone sat around the table you had been led to. Obviously something serious was going on but you did not expect to be told what your role would be and you did not like it!

“Are. You. Karking SERIOUS????” You shouted! “Absolutely not! Cid has saved my ass from the Empire more than once, I am not putting myself in their sights again!”

Hunter looked at you, knowing you were lying and that this wasn’t about the Empire. This was about the nature of the mission and the role you’d play. He looked from you to Tech, feeling the tension rise higher and higher. As uncomfortable as it was, maybe there was a small hope you’d tell Tech the truth. Hunter could feel Tech's heart speed up as your words hurt more than the goggled clone would ever admit. He could also hear how fast your heart was beating and you were basically a loth cat in headlights.

“Why can’t Phee do it? They’re already a couple! They’d make a more convincing married couple than me and Tech!”

“Because I am going to Cid to try and convince her to let the boys off. Make sure she knows they didn’t cross her.”

Tech looked up, pointing his endearing index finger. “Not to mention, Phee is a recognisable character. One glance in her direction and we’d have guards swarming us. You are less so. Able to fly under a guard’s radar.” 

You looked over to see Omega doing her little porg eyes. Sighing, you asked her to go to bed. Confused, she stated she wasn’t tired but you barked back: “Go to your room young lady!”

Hunter gently moved her to her room before scowling at you. You scowled back. How dare he think you’d say yes to a mission like this? Pretending to be a married couple just to get some intel? Yes, you knew it was a chance to see if Crosshair was alive but how dare he assume you’d be okay! Did he really think 20 rotations was enough to get over a man? 

“Kriff every single one of you! I’m going home.”

Phee approached you a second time as you readied your ship. You really did not want to talk to her but you let her slink next to you in the cockpit. You were simply recalibrating the hyperdrive so it would be a smoother ride home. If Phee wanted to sit there, she could. As long as she didn’t speak to you -

“I know why you’re saying no. It’s okay to admit it to me.”

You hissed in her direction, dismissing her claim. She simply smiled and leaned back in the copilot’s chair. You loathed how easy relaxing came to her. As if there was nothing wrong in the galaxy. 

“He talks about you a lot. It’s almost annoying. It’s one of the things that endeared me to him, remembering every little thing about everything. Everyone.” Standing up, she placed a hand on your shoulder. “Just talk to him. He misses you.” 

The kriff was that? You never deemed Phee has the “sharing” type. For kriff’s sake, she nearly got your friends killed because she didn’t want to let go of that stupid heart of the mountain! But even you had to admit; if Phee was saying something about how much Tech missed you, then something was going on and you needed to help. 

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“I will reiterate. I hate all of you right now.” You took a breath. “But, after some thought, I don’t really have a choice, do I? If the target only goes for married women, then Tech and I are the ones going to be convincing enough. As much as I hate admitting that.”

Everyone knew it was true. Wrecker and you were basically brother and sister. Rough housing and pulling pranks. Hunter and you were best friends, recognising attractiveness with no want to pursue. Echo never prioritised romance and so if he were around, it would be a friendship. 

After some more briefing, you walked onto the balcony, drink in hand and a bottle in another. You were going to need a lot of liquor to be able to bear this mission. You hoped it panned out cause you were going to be mad if it was a dead end. 

“Something is troubling you.” There was that voice you loved, coming from the man you never would get over. 

Downing your drink and pouring another you scoffed, “You think? I’m playing your wife while your girlfriend saves your asses from a crime informant. You’re forced to be near me after our last encounter. How in the hell are you not troubled?”

Pausing to process your words, Tech considered you carefully. You looked as beautiful as when he last saw you. Hair down and flowing in the wind, fingers elegantly grasping your glass, legs unintentionally letting all the galaxy know how strong you were at rest. He truly did not how to feel. He missed you, missed your attention. But he was still angry at how you walked away so easily from him and his brothers. 

“I… am. But this mission will be easy. You are a phenomenal actress. You pretended to care for me and that made me notice your absence,” he said.

Before you could defend yourself against his statement he continued. “Plus you are irresistible in most of what you wear. The target will spill whatever you want to hear.” With that he turned to leave. 

Your heart broke hearing his words. But he did just pay you a compliment so you felt you should let him know...

“I do care though… I always have. I never stopped.” He paused at your whispered words before continuing to upgrade the ship. 

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You looked at the wedding band on your finger, hating how it got there. It wasn’t real. It didn’t come the way you desired it to. You wanted it to come from the man you loved, because he loved you back and wanted the whole galaxy to know. You felt like crying, your throat closing and nose tightening. Blinking tears away, you finished your makeup and waited for Tech to get you. 

You hated being back on Coruscant. It reminded you far too much of your days as a medic for the Republic. You had been one of the few non clone, and non Jedi military personnel to serve. You weren’t based with any regiment. However, knowing General Anakin Skywalker, you spent a lot of time with the 501st. Poor Kix had become overwhelmed at times so you were often jumping from trooper to trooper across the battlefield to help him out. It burned you to return to Coruscant and remember your days in the military. You missed the clones; you missed the Republic. No government was perfect in your eyes, but Palpatine aside, you thought the Republic had worked fairly well. You were happy once… not so much anymore. 

Your door slid open, Tech stepping in. He was momentarily breathless at how beautiful you were in your gown. A bright emerald green falling gracefully in all the right place while clinging to your curves perfectly. Your hair was loosely pinned away from your face, framing you in a way that only a goddess could look like. A glittered sheer cape was pinned to the shoulder seam of your dress, your ethereal beauty being augmented. 

“Are you ready?” Tech asked, trying to seem normal, which was easy for him. His voice rarely betrayed any feeling.

You turned to face him, tears already returning. You nodded, “Yes. I’m ready.” Already dreading the act of being fake married to the man you love, who didn’t love you. 

You seemed to play the part of unhappily married wife well as the second Tech left your side, your target, an imperial officer overseeing the phasing out of clones, approached you and bought you a drink. Tech was across the ballroom, firsts threatening to deck the man flirting with you. His jaw was tight and teeth were grinding. He was furious at how easy you seemed to be in the target’s presence, laughing and tossing stray hair back. You were supposed to be that way with him! 

“Tech! Stay focused! You can talk to her after. Just a little longer!” Hunter’s voice rang in his ear. 

He was right. Tech needed to focus. He can process this unusual feeling of jealousy later. It wouldn’t be long now; your face was showing a certain shock that was fearful intrigue. Something was said to make you nervous. 

“The project is fascinating! Using chemical injection to quell insubordination and create the perfect super soldier; it’s a magnificent sight to see.” 

You swallowed slowly, making sure not to choke. You knew the Empire wasn’t above experimenting but torture and mind control was something you didn’t think they would stoop to. Poor Crosshair. You never met him but the boys talked fondly on him so you felt your heart twist. 

“And the clone? Which one was it again? They all look so alike.”

The man smiled; the type of smile that only an evil, slimy demon would have. “Right now, we are using CT 9904. He committed treason by shooting his lieutenant. But he was an enhanced clone so the Empire doesn’t want to dispose of him yet.” 

His hand landed on your thigh, slowly creeping higher and higher. Tech couldn’t take it anymore and moved quickly. He hated seeing the officer’s hand on you, particularly when you didn’t want it there. 

“Hello darling. I have finished my work here. Did you want to go home?” Tech put his hand on your lower back, kissing your temple. 

Your heart clenched, remembering this wasn’t real. He didn’t really want to touch you or kiss you. 

“Aww come on! I’ll take good care of her!” the target exclaimed, obviously not wanting you or his chance at a lay leave. 

You sighed, keening into Tech’s hands. “Yes husband. I’m ready to go home. I think I’ve drank a bit much tonight.” 

You both bid your target goodnight, Tech leading you quickly back to your rooms. He was acting strange you thought, but then again, everything about Tech was wonderfully strange. He was only challenged in games by his own intellect and yet wanted to share everything with everyone. You could see why Phee had clocked on to him. 

Opening the door to your room, you ripped your hair out of its pins, pulling your jewellery off. Your breathing became laboured and forced. Tears fell rapidly, not knowing how to process the evening. Tech stared at you crying and wondered what had been said to you. He knelt in front of you, hands cupping your cheeks begging you to say something. 

“They’re torturing him… Tech! Crosshair is being tortured! They’re using chemicals to control his mind! They’re using pain and chemicals to make him subordinate!” you cried. You could barely breathe but you didn’t miss how Tech tensed in anger. 

His brother was being tortured and that officer thinks he can take what was his? If Tech didn’t hate the Empire before, he certainly did now. 

Moving to sit beside you, he pulled you into his chest, hoping to comfort you. Phee had taught him this was okay to do when someone was upset. He learned a lot of things from his time on Pabu and with Phee. 

“It’ll be alright. We’ll find him and bring him home. I promise you cyare. We’ll send this info to Echo and Rex and see how we can get to him.” 

Cyare… You didn’t know much Mando’a but you knew that. Love. Tech, the man who was already in a relationship, had called you Love. He was oddly protective tonight and this confused you all the more. 

Your breathing slowed and you calmed down. You excused yourself to the fresher, showering and changing into your sleep clothes. When you emerged, Tech had already changed and was on his data pad, no doubt sending the intel to Echo and Rex. You didn’t want to let the ring go but you had to. It wasn’t real. Now or never, you guessed. 

“Here,” you pressed your wedding band into Tech’s hand. He looked up, confused. “Mission’s over. You don’t need to pretend to like me anymore.” 

Tech frowned deeply. “Right. Thank you. I’ll return this to Shep when we return.” 

You grabbed a blanket and pillow and moved to the floor. You had been making yourself comfortable when Tech looked up at the sounds and immediately stood. He scooped you up and place you on the bed, taking your place on the floor. Di’kut! Idiot!

“Tech. I’m taking the floor. Stop making this difficult.”

“I am not. I am simply saving you from a strained neck and back pain by taking the floor.”

You scowled, shoving him off the blanket you placed down. “Not on my watch smart ass. You need the bed more than me. Don’t be an idiot.” 

Growling, Tech removed himself from your space and entered the fresher. Only… to come back out again. 

“Why are you so difficult lately? What is your issue?”

You raised a brow. “Me? I’m simply trying to establish a boundary! You’re with Phee and -“

“Why do you keep saying that? Why do you care if Phee and I have an emotional attachment?”

You fell silent, weighing your options. “I don’t… I just don’t want her thinking we had a thing while we were on this mission. You were awfully possessive tonight. Don’t think I didn’t see your look of hate towards that Imperial.”

“Because I did not like how that man was handling you. You were clearly uncomfortable and I saw an opportunity to step in. But that is not the reason, is it? Why do you care?”

You saw red, both loving and hating how logical he sounded. Why did you care? Why did you give any shred of a kark if Tech was with Phee? “Because I love you, you kriffing moron!” 

You froze. Oh no… no no no no. Kriff! 

Tech froze too, not expecting you to say that. Anything but that… That did explain your recent behaviour towards him. You were cold towards him, brushing off any inkling of affection, speaking very short and harsh towards him. Your avoidance, your unwillingness to help on the mission. It all clicked for Tech. Your behaviour and his feelings and reactions. 

“You love me?”

Oh for kriff’s sake. Well it’s out now. 

“Yes. I’ve loved you for a long time and I guess… I guess I waited too long to tell you.” You sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. Tears threatened to spill, making you more vulnerable than you would’ve liked but you needed to say everything or shut up. 

“When I saw you come back from your last adventure with Phee, I… I was jealous. You two seemed close and Phee asked for my blessing in pursuing you. I never spoke up so I couldn’t tell her no. You are.. your own man. You don’t need me telling you who you can date. Hunter walked me home cause he knew, he felt, how upset I was. So I did what I knew how to do. I walked away. I let you to happy cause that’s all I want you to be. Happy. I threw myself into work and male attention to try and forget about my feelings for you but… they never went away. That’s why I became so cold and harsh towards you. I hated that I still love you. 

“Then you needed me for this mission.” You stood, feet dragging your body to the large windows overlooking Coruscant; tears staining your reddened cheeks. “My heart has been breaking the whole time. I hated pretending to be your wife, cause it wasn’t real Tech! I didn’t want to wear a band on my finger for a mission. I want to wear one because I married the man I love! Do you any idea how hard is it -“

Tech only knew of two ways to shut you up. Stun you or kiss you. Based on his feelings and your confession, he went with kiss. You certainly were shocked but melted regardless. It was a kiss that felt long overdue, pouring every single emotion you both felt into it. 

It ended all too soon when you came to your senses and pushed Tech off. “Wha-What about Phee? I thought you were happy!” 

Adjusting his googled, Tech bent to continue kissing your neck. “After our fifth month of seeing each other we both came to the conclusion we weren’t compatible.” suck. “I missed you.” kiss. “I wasn’t giving Phee the attention she deserved and she had different priorities. She just likes to rile you up. It is.. a game to her.” He cupped your jaw and pulled you in again. 

“She saw how distraught I was with your absence. While we enjoyed each other’s company, we couldn’t give each other what we each truly needed. She needed freedom, I needed stability. She wanted to have fun and explore… I wanted you.”

You looked into those golden brown eyes, questioning silently what he meant. Bringing you to the bed, Tech sat you down and placed himself beside you. “What i mean is, you gave me routine. You gave me stability. You, my cyar’ika, you gave me everything I needed and more. I just didn’t fully realise it until we left Cid’s service.”

Tears started running again, but this time, they came because all your love, the pain, the regret, the pining, it came to the surface. Tech was quick to kiss them away, not wanting to see anymore tears tonight. He understood now he loved you, he just didn’t really know how to express it. Another reason he and Phee didn’t work. She wanted lots of physical affection and contact, whereas Tech wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wasn’t used to physical affection, or any type of affection for that matter which is why he liked you. You never pushed him for anything. If he was busy, you’d just sit next or near him and let him work away, occasionally letting a noise of amusement out. You’d always check if it was okay to give him a hug or even a kiss on the cheek when they left for missions. Something you’d always do, even now.

“Tech, can I kiss you again?” you murmured after a bit. 

Smiling, Tech leaned in. “Of course mesh’la. Whatever you’d like.” 

Chuckling to yourself, you teased, “That’s a dangerous thing to say Ace. You sure about that?”

As if calculating your tease, Tech flipped you onto the bed and pinned you down. “Try me.” 

Oh dear this was a dangerous move! Tech kissed you hard, wanting you feel every little beat of love and attraction he had for you. You moaned, never realising until now how much you craved this. When did Tech learn any of this? His thigh pinned your pelvis down, allowing you to feel his hard muscle beneath the jeans he always wore. 

Tongues battled for dominance, but Tech won. He’d always win, and you both knew it. Breaking apart with one string of saliva connecting, Tech moved back to your neck, sucking and kissing bruises onto your skin, marking you his. He wanted every man out there to know you were his, and he wasn’t about to let you go again. 

He pushed his thigh against you covered vulva, forcing a moan to leave your mouth again. You started grinding against him, wanting more. 

Tech smirked. This was going to be a fun night for you both. 

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Was that fun? Did yall like it? As always, criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive and kind.

Thank you for all the love over the past few days!! If there's other characters you'd like me write for, let me know!! I won't write for minors or minor characters.

[zaidthefeederist]

Giving in to gluttony : A fit to fat story (part 1)

We were both at the gym after work just like most days. This is where we first met. I saw you on the squat rack and was enamored by your beauty (and the perfect ass you had definitely helped). I approached you and we went on a date and had been dating since then. Though we both were fitness freaks (i still am) there's a part of me i haven't told you about. A part of me that would rather have you tied up in my bed sporting a fat belly so big it hangs to your knees. I've kept it in check for as long as i can, you had only gained 10 pounds in our 4 months together and a lot of that has been muscle definition since we started working out. Today however, it all changes. One faithful injury changes everything.

"This….freaking….sucks" I say grumpy as I sit next to you in the car. We just came back from the first aid room. I look at my leg and shake my head "no lifting, no cardio…and no rock climbing for 6 months?!" I cross my arms and sigh "That also means I really have to watch what I eat…else I end up like one of those fat girls at the gym" The other day we had been making jokes about a chubby girl that was struggling to do basic cardio

"god i know baby, its not fair at all. Not having you at the gym is going to make me lose all my motivation, not to mention who else will i make fun of the fatties with" i look to you after we both laugh to ourselves.."dont worry though babe. ill take good care of you, You know i've been making myself a better and better cook. Ill make sure your diet goes exactly according to plan.." i say as i keep my hand on your toned thigh, giving it a rub and feeling ecstatic and the though of having a home bound girlfriend for 6 whole months.

**2 weeks later**

"im so bored" I sigh before taking another cookie that you made me. "Im usually at the gym right now" Another cookie goes into my stomach. I dont seem to notice the little bit of pudge that was pressing on to my waistband when I sat down like this. You had noticed that I did a lot of "boredom eating"…and recently…I had also started snacking when I was stressed or feeling a little down.

"Im done babe!" i yell, having baked another batch of cookies. The last 2 weeks have been heavenly. Turns out when liz is left to her own devices with nothing else to do, she becomes rather peckish. Its nothing insane yet but she'll never say no to a little treat every now and then. With the absence of the gym and with me making sure to always make every meal of hers just a bit more heavy, she's managed to maintain her weight at 140 pounds albeit with a major bonus. If before she was toned and slightly muscular, now shes lost her definition and is even developing a little pudge. I see her belly pressing against her waistband as she snacks on one of the cookies i made her and see it press further and further against the band as she makes the tray of cookies magically disappear.

You always made sure to take the plates away or split it in multiple portions, so I had no idea how much I was actually eating in a day. after finishing the third tray of cookies that day you see I am rubbing my belly…I was getting full and I hadn't even eaten a meal! "My tummy is a bit upset" I say as I rub it. "better drink something" I grab the glass of soda that you had brought me. I drink all of it in one go. "I can't believe this is actually sugar free" I say surprised "it tastes like one of those cheap soda's that is super b-BRUUAUUAUAAAAAAAAAP-ad " I look wide eyed and cover my mouth with a blush "s-sorry!"

"Haha that was pretty cool!" i say immediately so as to not make you think i dislike it. I cant let you know that youve given me a hard on with that deep nasty belch, at least not yet. "I don't mind babe" i say as i nuzzle in right next to you on the bed. "in fact if anything it lets me know you really enjoyed whatever i made for you so no need to apologize." i say as i keep my hand on your bloated stuffed belly, giving it a good rub. "I guess you reallly loved those cookies huh, hehe"

"I-I do" I say blushing as you rub my belly…it felt good, but it also made me a bit aware of the fact that I was softer now. "I mean…its just not very lady like to burp like that right?" I smile as you roll your eyes at me "BRUUAAAAP…ooohhff but it does make my tummy feel better"

I moan to myself making sure you don't hear me. "I'm glad you like them" i reply, both to your answer and to that big burp you let out. We spend a few more minutes like this with me rubbing your rounded gut, making you get used to the feeling, making you love my hands on your tummy, making you know i like those un-lady like burps. Im slowly easing your mind into its new state. The state of pure gluttony. Before i get up from bed i decide to try one more thing, i grab your belly and give it a hard pinch and lean up next to your ear "You were a good girl today, keep eating like this and soon you'll be like those fatties at the gym". I whispered it and said it in a teasing tone, but i could tell by your breathing…it did its job. My eyes go wide and my face goes dark red. Did he really just say that?…Is he making a joke?…why do I like him teasing and humiliating me?! I look down and my heart beats even faster, judging by the bulge in your pants…you really liked seeing me like this. "w-what?….a-are you trying to make me fat?" I ask in a soft voice. You just smile, gently kiss my belly before squeezing it again and leave with the empty plates…Am I really going to get fat?

[katzoo12]

Of Selflessness, Stubborness, and Sickness

A.N. Okay guys, I don’t know how many of my followers know this, but…I am now an Encanto fan! That’s right! And this right here is my entry to Encanto Big Bang. It’s actually my first fic for this movie, so enjoy! The art is by @the-little-robyn​ , so check her out!

One of the worst things about having the gift of healing food is that it didn't heal EVERYTHING. Something that Julieta knew all too well.

When it came to what could be healed, physical injuries like broken arms and cuts were high on the list. Illness, on the other hand…her food helped relieve the worst symptoms and gave the immune system a boost, but that was all it could do.

Julieta sighed as she finished up another batch of arepas. How she wished she could halt everyone's suffering, especially now…

It had been six months since Casita had been rebuilt…and two weeks since a particularly virulent flu epidemic had broken out. While Alma's pressure on everyone had been greatly reduced since Mirabel opened her eyes, it was still hard driven into Julieta's very nature to be the caretaker of the Encanto.

She HATED seeing people injured and sick, especially when she could do something about it. Of course, with that line of thinking, she always ended up running herself ragged, trying to aid as many people as she possibly could.

If it wasn't for her familia and her loving husband Agustín, she would have died from exhaustion a long time ago.

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Agustín…the light of Julieta's life. Her other half.

To this day, she still remembered when she realized that she was in love. She was twenty-five years old, and it was like any other day in front of her stand, handing out her healing food.

After dealing with a deep cut and a few skinned knees, she smiled fondly at the sight of her most common patient.

"Ay, Agustín…bees again?"

Not that she needed to ask, of course.

The poor bespectacled man's hands and left ear were swollen to the size of balloons.

And yet, despite all the pain he was in, Agustín still managed to crack an awkward smile in her direction.

"You know me, Julieta…" he chuckled. "The most accident-prone man in the Encanto…"

And indeed, he was. Nearly every day found him at her stand, awaiting her healing.

It was routine, whether it was a sprained ankle or bee stings, like now.

Today, however, seemed to be a bit different. Agustín was looking at her, brow furrowed in what Julieta thought was pensiveness.

"Something on your mind…?" she asked as she reached for an empanada to offer him.

Agustín hesitated, averting his gaze. But after a moment, he seemed to gather the courage to continue.

"Well…it's just that…you always take care of everyone in the Encanto. Every day, without fail. Don't you ever get tired?"

Julieta raised an eyebrow, handing him her food.

"What if I do? Mamá always says-"

"You're only human, Julieta. And sometimes…your own well-being should come before your duty to everyone else."

The healer froze in surprise. Until that moment, no one had ever told her that before. Agustín continued.

"I'm just concerned…every time I see you, you seem a bit more worn-out. Have you been sleeping well?"

Julieta was about to answer when an impatient cough rang out from the line. She blanched, seeing the queue of injured stretching out longer than ever before.

"Don't worry about me, ok? I'm supposed to be looking after you. Eat," she urged, beckoning Agustín to take a bite of the empanada.

He did so, and immediately the swelling from the stings vanished into nothing. His worried look however, didn't fade. The bespectacled man started walking away but turned back to call one last time over his shoulder.

"Just…take care. I don't want you to run yourself into the ground!"

Julieta froze once again, lost in her thoughts. She couldn't deny how nice it felt, being on the receiving end of someone else's concern.

Usually, it was her siblings that made her feel that way, but with Agustín, it was something different…something more special. It wasn't until she got back to Casita for the day that she realized what those feelings even meant.

The tenderness she felt towards him, the warm feeling when she let him be concerned for her…it all pointed to one thing.

I love him… Julieta thought happily. I love him more than anything…but does he feel the same way?

----------------------------------------------------------------

The present-day Julieta was jolted out of her memories when the sound of footsteps behind her drew her attention.

Without turning around, she called out "Ay, Luisa, what are you doing out of bed? You need rest if you want to recover properly."

Her middle daughter sighed…which immediately turned into a rough-sounding coughing fit. She was the first of the Madrigals to be struck down, and so far was proving to be quite the difficult patient.

This wasn't the first time she'd been caught trying to sneak out to help, and Julieta doubted it would be the last. Finally turning to face the taller woman, the healer watched as Luisa tried to defend herself.

"Lo sé, Mamá, but I feel fine and…and-ACHOO!"

A thunderous sneeze burst out of her, causing Luisa to put a hand against the wall to regain her balance. Julieta smiled softly and guided Luisa to a chair.

The nineteen-year-old really did look awful, with a pale face, flushed cheeks, tired eyes, and a red nose to tie it all together. Add that to her hoarse and stuffy-sounding voice, and it was clear that she was far from healthy.

Now if only she'll ACCEPT that… Julieta thought.

"Hija," she continued gently, "I know you want to help, and that's admirable of you. However, you can't give your best effort when you're not feeling well…and I wouldn't want to see you get any sicker by pushing yourself."

Julieta lovingly put a hand on Luisa's cheek.

"Por favor…just give yourself a few more days to rest."

Her middle daughter's shoulders sagged in resignation.

"Okay, Mamá…" she relented softly.

Julieta nodded in satisfaction, proud that she managed to convince Luisa to rest some more…for now.

"Bien. Now, how about I give you another arepa con queso and you can try to go back to sleep?"

Luisa nodded…before going into another harsh coughing fit.

This time, however, Julieta was there to soothingly rub her back until she got her breathing under control.

As soon as Luisa stopped trying to bring up a lung, she turned once more to her mother.

"And…some agua too, por favor?" she asked in a small voice, as if she thought it would be an inconvenience.

"Por supesto, corazón, you need fluids if you want to beat this thing. Also…remember, you are not a burden if you ask for help…" Julieta murmured.

Once Luisa nodded in acknowledgement, Julieta got up to retrieve one of her recently finished arepas and fill a glass with ice water.

Her gift worked wonders on her ill daughter, Luisa already looking less flushed after a single bite of her cooking. "Gracias, Mamá…te quiero…" "Te quiero también, Lu…now, let's get you back to bed."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Soon enough, the third oldest grandchild was bundled under her blankets once more.

"Do you need anything else, mija?" Julieta asked.

Luisa shook her head, suppressing a single cough into her fist and reaching for the glass of water on her nightstand.

"I'm okay for now…" she said after she took a sip.

Julieta nodded.

"Bien. Just let me know if you think of something. As for now, I'm going to check on the rest of the familia…"

She turned to leave, looking back one last time at Luisa and blowing her a kiss. The healer let the door close behind her, letting out a tired sigh and swallowing. As soon as she did however, a sharp pain took up residence in her throat.

"Ah..." she gasped, rubbing her neck with one hand.

Julieta's eyes widened at the realization of what that meant.

Ay no…not now…por favor not now!

But there was no denying it. With another swallow and another wince, it was abundantly clear that the healer would be the epidemic's next victim.

---------------------------------------------------------

Besides the inconvenience, being ill also messed with the gifted Madrigals' powers. While some of the gifts became overactive (as evidenced by Camilo shapeshifting uncontrollably whenever he coughed or sneezed), others became weaker, or left their owner completely.

The latter scenario often happening to Luisa, or in this case…Julieta. Luckily her cooking wouldn't lose ALL its magic, but its diminished effects would still be noticeable.

And that could be a problem, especially if I still want to appear healthy… Julieta mused.

Which of course, she did. People still needed her help, so she couldn't afford to take a day off. And besides, her symptoms weren't THAT bad…for now.

If anyone asks, then I'll simply tell them I'm tired and I'll go to bed early tonight. Hopefully that excuse will cover for my gift as well…

Julieta nodded resolutely. She had a plan…now all she had to do was execute it. But before any of that, she needed to make her rounds and check on the other family members.

Julieta started down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen to put a few arepas on a large plate.

When she was satisfied that she had enough, she climbed to the second floor once more and headed towards Isabela's room.

Sadly, Luisa (and now the healer) weren't the only ones affected by the flu. Not long after her middle child had taken ill, her eldest was quick to follow.

Isabela's always had a good immune system, Julieta mused, but even that has its limitations…

Knocking softly on the flower child's door, she called out, "Isa…? It's Mamá…may I come in?"

A loud sneeze, a rustle of flora, and an unladylike groan was all that answered the healer, but it was enough affirmation for her to enter.

The first thing Julieta noticed was how faded the normally vibrant room looked. Most of the flowers, vines, and cacti were brown and shriveled up, with the only splotches of color around Isabela's bed.

Speaking of the eldest grandchild, she was currently sprawled out across her mattress, trying desperately to find a spot that wasn't soaked with her feverish sweat.

Suddenly, her eyes widened, her breath hitched, and she reached for a handkerchief just in time to cover a loud "ACHOO!"

The moment the sternutation rang through the air, a variety of bromeliads popped into existence around the bed.

Julieta frowned in concern and approached Isabela.

"Cómo te sientes, mi flor?" she murmured.

The young woman turned to her mother, an unimpressed look on her face.

"How do you THINK?" she snarked.

"I can't sleep, my head is pounding, my throat feels like it's being cut open, I'm all sweaty, and EVERY SINGLE TIME I cough or sneeze, my gift goes haywire!"

As if to punctuate her point, she entered into a coughing fit, causing more new flora to burst out of the floor. Julieta sighed and sat on the edge of the mattress, putting the plate of arepas beside her.

If there was one thing that hadn't changed from before the fall of Casita, it was the fact that being under the weather ALWAYS put Isabela in a bad mood.

"I'm sorry, Isa…trust me, I would cure you in an instant if I could. But the most I can do is ease your symptoms. Speaking of…would you like an arepa?"

Julieta took one from the plate and offered one to her daughter.

Isabela snatched the flaky confection from her mother's hand and eagerly took a bite…sighing in relief when she felt her chills vanish.

But to her utter confusion, her throat still hurt just as much as before. She quirked a displeased eyebrow towards the healer.

"Mamá…what gives? This didn't help NEARLY as much as last time…"

Julieta offered a weak smile.

"Lo siento…I'm just tired. I've been cooking a lot…"

Isabela's gaze softened a bit, seeing the exhaustion on her mother's face.

"Well, I suppose I can understand. Try and get some extra sleep tonight. The last thing this family needs is for you to get sick too…"

Ironic, considering I'm already sick… Julieta mused, before reassuring her eldest that she would and making her way back outside with the other arepas.

----------------------------------------------------------------

She was halfway to Pepa and Félix's room when her nose started to run.

Balancing the plate on one hand she quickly fished a handkerchief out of one of her apron pockets with the other and gave a quick blow.

Ay…this is progressing quicker than I thought…but I can't stop now. I just need to get through today.

Pulling herself out of her thoughts, Julieta continued down the hall until she reached her sister's door. This time she knocked a bit louder, having a hunch the room would be chaotic with Pepa's weather more volatile than usual.

After a few seconds, the door opened, and Félix showed his rain-soaked form.

"Ah, Julieta! Checking up on everyone?"

The healer nodded.

"Sí. How's Pepa doing? May I come in?"

The stout man nodded and stepped aside, allowing the eldest triplet into the room. Closing the door, Félix turned back to Julieta and opened his mouth to answer her first query.

However, he was interrupted by a series of sneezes ringing through the air, and the weather inside changing abruptly from raining, to snowing, to hailing, and back to normal. He sighed.

"…Does that answer your question?"

Julieta gently put a hand on her brother-in-law's shoulder.

"It must be tough, seeing her like this…"

Félix nodded.

"I love mi esposa more than anything. If I could ease her suffering, I would…"

His dour countenance didn't last long, though, turning to the healer with a slight smile.

"…which is why you're here, isn't it? Vamos!"

Félix led Julieta to the queen-sized bed, where Pepa was trying to read one of her romantic novels.

It was proving to be quite difficult though, what with her pounding head, her bleary eyes, and- "ACHOO!" …her sneezing affecting her handle on the weather.

Luckily Casita had made her books waterproof. Pepa looked up at the sound of footsteps.

"Hola, Juli…" she sniffled, grabbing a handkerchief to blow her nose.

Julieta smiled softly and approached her sister, an arepa in hand.

"Hola yourself, Pepita."

The emotional woman fixed the healer with an unimpressed stare.

"You're only ten minutes older than me…do you HAVE to call me that?"

Julieta chuckled lightly. "It may be ten minutes…but that still makes you mi hermana menor."

She kissed Pepa on her forehead, frowning when she felt the feverish heat radiating from it.

"Ay…still burning. Here, you'd better eat this,"

Julieta handed the arepa to her sister, watching as she took a bite…and frowned slightly.

"My head still hurts…why does my head still hurt?" Pepa murmured, and turned to the healer concernedly.

"Are you feeling okay, Julieta?"

Julieta took a deep breath, trying not to feel guilty for lying to her sister.

"Por supesto. I am a little tired…but I've been cooking a lot…"

That explanation didn't seem to resonate with the middle triplet though; in fact, she seemed even more worried.

"Are you sure? That never stopped your gift from weakening before…not even when we were niños. Oh, Dios, if you're getting sick too…"

The more worked up Pepa got, the more the wind began to blow until Julieta put her hands on her shoulders to ground her.

"I'm not, Pepa. Lo prometo. And remember: too much stress will only prolong your recovery time…"

Pepa sighed in resignation.

"Lo sé, lo sé…you're right. Just…be careful okay? I don't want you running yourself into the ground again…"

"She's right, cuñada…you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself first," Félix added.

Julieta smiled softly at the two.

"I'm fine. Trust me. If it makes you two feel better, I'll take a break soon. I just need to finish making my rounds."

She grabbed the plate of arepas and made her way to the door, looking back one last time at her sister and her husband.

"Que te mejores, hermana. Hasta luego."

And with that, the healer left the room, hearing Pepa sneeze once again, a rumble of thunder, and Félix offering her a handkerchief.

--------------------------------------------------

Julieta decided to check on Dolores and Antonio next, and went towards the youngest Madrigal's room, having a hunch her sobrinos would be in the jungle environment.

They weren't ill (yet, at least), but Dolores had taken it upon herself to keep her littlest hermano entertained and away from the sick members of the family.

Which is good, considering how much I have on my plate already… Julieta thought.

Soon enough she reached her destination and opened the door, stepping into the magical room.

Closing it behind her, the healer turned back around and tried to spot Dolores and Antonio among the foliage.

Hm…no sign of them…

Julieta then tried calling out, remembering to be mindful of her throat.

"Toñito…? Dolores?"

After a few seconds, she could make out a reply.

"Over here, Tía!"

Julieta adjusted the plate of arepas in her hands, and went towards the call. She eventually pushed into a clearing where Dolores and Antonio were playing tag, with the younger laughing joyfully and riding on his jaguar Parce.

The game was soon put on hold when the duo noticed their aunt's presence. Dolores turned to her hermano, ruffling his curly hair affectionately.

"Why don't you continue playing with your animals, hermanito? I'll be right back after Tía Julieta and I finish talking," she suggested.

The five-year-old nodded.

"Okay, Lolo. But hurry up!" he requested, and urged for Parce to continue running.

Satisfied that Antonio would be fine for the next few minutes, Dolores walked over to Julieta.

"Hola, Tía. Making the rounds?"

The healer nodded.

"Sí, and I figured you would probably be hungry."

She handed her sobrina two arepas, one for her and her brother. Dolores nodded in thanks, before her face furrowed in slight worry.

"Gracias…speaking of, how's Mamá?"

"Still a bit feverish…but Félix is taking good care of her. I'm sure she'll be back on her feet in a few more days."

Julieta turned to gaze at Antonio, who was now carrying on a conversation with Pico the toucan.

"And…how's Toñito? Has he been exhibiting any symptoms?"

Dolores shook her head.

"No…and neither have I," she added, guessing what her aunt was going to ask next.

"Trust me, if either of us start getting sick, you'll be the first to know," she assured.

Julieta sighed in relief…then shivered and gave a light cough. Dolores gazed at her concernedly.

"Estás bien, Tía? You look pale…" she murmured.

"Sí, I'm fine…just tired…"

The second oldest grandchild crossed her arms, an unamused expression on her face.

"…I JUST heard your heartbeat increase. You're lying," she accused.

Figures, Julieta thought bitterly, that she would be the one to unravel my deception…we could never get a lie past her, not even when she was a niña…

She sighed.

"To be completely honest, Dolores…I'm sick too…"

Dolores' eyes widened.

"Then why are you still working…? You'll only make yourself worse, Tía…"

"Lo sé…but everyone still needs my help. I don't have time to rest…and my symptoms aren't THAT bad…"

Her niece let out a breath and shook her head in exasperation.

"Well, they soon WILL be if you don't slow down and rest. You're only human…you can't heal everyone, no matter how much you want to…"

Julieta winced at the reminders, not wanting to accept those facts yet.

"Listen, Dolores…I PROMISE I'll take some time to relax soon. I just need to check on the rest of the familia first."

Dolores gazed at her a moment longer…then reluctantly nodded.

"Okay…but I WILL be keeping an ear out for you. And I won't hesitate to tell Tío Agustín if you go back on your word."

She opened her mouth to continue…but was interrupted by Antonio's voice.

"Lolo! Are you almost done? You've been talking a while…"

"Coming, Toñito!" Dolores called back to her little brother.

She started walking away, then looked back one last time at Julieta.

"Remember what I said. Finish checking up on everyone…then go and rest. Please…"

And with that, the second oldest grandchild went to continue entertaining Antonio.

-------------------------------------------------------

The healer sighed as she started making her way out of the room, the following thoughts echoing through her skull.

I can do this…I NEED to do this…they need my help…

Eventually Julieta entered the hallway, shutting the door behind her and resting her back against it for a few seconds.

Ay…has Casita always been this cold?

She shivered again, and put a hand to her forehead, sighing when she felt the fire on her skin. Julieta was so occupied with how sick she was feeling that she never noticed someone approaching.

"Mija…?"

She jumped in surprise, and turned to see her mother.

"Oh, Mamá, are you okay?"

Alma looked at her eldest, a concerned look on her wrinkled face.

"Sí, for now…but are you? You look exhausted…"

Julieta put on a weak smile.

"I've just been cooking a lot. People need my help now more than ever…"

Her mother didn't look convinced.

"Are you sure that's all it is? You know you can tell me anything, mija…"

"Por supesto…but there's nothing else to tell."

Alma stepped forward in concern.

"At least take a break, Julieta? Remember, you don't have to prove anything anymore. The gifts don't define us…"

The healer straightened back up, a calm but determined expression on her face.

"Lo sé, Mamá, but people are still suffering. I want to help them. Ahora, discúlpeme..."

She started walking away, trying to ignore her mother's concerned gaze boring into her back.

-------------------------------------------------------

The next stop was Bruno's tower. Luckily, her brother wasn't sick either…but with his anxiety, he had ended up withdrawing into his room in an effort to stay well.

"Bruno?" Julieta called softly, knocking on the door.

A moment or two passed until she heard a soft voice on the other side.

"Sí, Juli…?"

The healer sighed in relief knowing that he was still okay, then got down to business.

"Have you eaten today? You need food…"

"Eh…not yet…but I will…later…when everyone's gone to bed…"

"Ay, Brunito…"

Julieta shook her head exasperatedly.

"Here…I can at least give you a few arepas. Can you open the door, por favor?"

She heard her brother gulp.

"N-no…I don't think that's a good idea…" he stuttered.

Julieta sighed, trying to think of a way to get her brother sustenance. At last, an idea popped into her head.

"How about this, then? You stand on the other side of the room, I open the door, leave the plate on the floor, and close it. You can then come over, take what you want, and go back over so I can retrieve the plate."

A brief silence passed…before she heard Bruno's voice once again.

"…That could work. Give me twenty seconds…"

Julieta heard her brother's footsteps recede, and started counting. As soon as she deemed the allotted time had passed, she opened the door.

She could just barely see Bruno at the other end of the hallway leading into his main room.

"Okay, hermanito…here's the plate. Be sure to leave a few for Camilo and Mirabel."

"Gracias, Juli! I'll knock when I'm done taking what I need…just give it twenty more seconds before coming back in…"

Julieta nodded, and went back outside, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was shielded from view, she succumbed to the tickle in her throat and went into a heavy bout of coughs.

Each expulsion irritated her throat even more and left her breathless. At last, she managed to control her breathing…only to blanch when she heard her brother's voice once again.

"…Julieta? Are you…"

"No!" she burst out, a little too quickly.

"Something just tickled my throat, is all…"

She heard Bruno sigh.

"Hermana…you ALWAYS do this. You deny how you're feeling, telling everyone you're fine when you're clearly not…and end up passing out, worrying us all to death. Por favor, Juli…take it easy, just this once…"

Julieta narrowed her eyes and stood up straighter, forgetting for a moment that her brother couldn't see her.

"Bruno…you know I can't. The familia-"

"-wants you healthy! For once in your life, stop being so selfless!"

The healer sighed.

"…I need to check up on Camilo and Mirabel. Just…take the arepas you want, and I PROMISE I'll take a nap after."

She could almost feel Bruno shaking his head on the other side of the door.

"...You and I both know that that won't happen, Juli. Hopefully someone will be able to get through to you before it's too late…"

The knock resounded soon after, and after twenty seconds had passed, Julieta opened the door again and retrieved the plate.

---------------------------------------------------------

Moving on to Camilo's room, the healer softly opened the door. This flu had practically knocked her sobrino out, his fever blazing and painful bouts of shapeshifting whenever he coughed or sneezed.

Luckily he was sleeping now. Julieta approached the bed to see Camilo's pale face and listless hair.

She touched the rag on his forehead.

"Hm…needs to be soaked again…"

Taking the cloth, she dunked it in the bowl of cold water on his bedside table. After a few seconds, she wrung it out and tenderly lay it on her sobrino's forehead.

His eyes cracked open.

"Mm…too cold…" he murmured, trying to lift his left arm to remove it.

Julieta softly but firmly grasped his wrist before that could happen.

"No, Cami…leave it. Your fever needs to break…do you think you can manage an arepa?"

Judging by the way the shapeshifter's face contorted in disgust, she guessed that his answer was a resounding no.

"Okay…I'll just leave one on your nightstand."

She made eye contact to ensure he understood and put an arepa next to the bowl.

"Try and eat it soon…you need food, and it'll make you feel better…"

Camilo nodded softly and peered up at his aunt.

"…Sleep?" he asked hopefully.

Julieta smiled tenderly.

"Sí, vuelve a dormir…get well soon…"

She ran her fingers along his scalp until her sobrino's eyes drifted closed once again, and once she was satisfied he wouldn't stir, carefully crept into the hallway, and shut the door behind her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The last stop on the healer's journey was Mirabel's room.

Her youngest had remained healthy for a time, every waking moment spent helping her mother with her cooking and food distribution. It was only that very morning that the bespectacled girl awoke with the tell-tale symptoms.

Of course, being Mirabel, she still attempted to push through…but the second Julieta saw her pale face and felt the fever on her cheeks, she sent her straight back to bed. Luckily her youngest hadn't tried to sneak out like Luisa, a fact the healer was eternally grateful for as she knocked on Mirabel's door.

After Casita was rebuilt, the magical house had saw it fit to give the fifteen-year-old her own room, instead of relegating her to the nursery once again.

That wasn't to say the nursery didn't still exist; judging by the way Mariano and Dolores behaved, there were bound to be wedding bells in a few years, with their own children not long after. But that's beside the point.

After a few seconds of silence, Julieta heard a soft "Come in…"

Carefully turning the knob, she entered the room to see Mirabel in bed, trying to work on her embroidery.

"How are you feeling, mija?" she asked softly, sitting on the edge of the mattress and putting the plate beside her.

Mirabel turned her head to gaze at her mother.

"Eh…not too bad…yet, at least…" she amended when she saw Julieta's raised eyebrow.

"I mainly wish I could've helped you more…you've been going non-stop since this epidemic started…"

The healer smiled softly and ran a hand through her youngest's hair.

"Ay, Mira…you've helped plenty. I couldn't have finished half the food I did if it wasn't for you. Eres un milagro…but even miracles need assistance sometimes…"

She reached for an arepa and pressed it into Mirabel's hand.

The bespectacled girl gave a half-hearted smile and took a bite…only for a confused look to cross her face soon after.

"I feel less feverish…but…"

She trailed off as her eyes widened in realization.

"Mamá…? You're sick too, aren't you?"

Julieta tensed.

I've already admitted it to Dolores, and I'm pretty sure Bruno knows…but there's no way I'm burdening mi hija with this!

"Claro que no…I'm just tired…" she forced out.

Mirabel raised an eyebrow.

"Mamá…I KNOW you. I'm pretty sure you're where me, Isabela, and Luisa get our stubbornness from! Por favor…you need rest…"

Julieta took a deep breath to keep her agitated voice steady.

"Estoy bien, mi vida. Lo prometo. People need my help, and por Dios I'm going to give it to them. Now, excuse me…"

She quickly grabbed the plate, and stood up, fighting a sudden dizzy spell.

"Mamá, PLEASE-"

"Que te mejores, Mirabel…"

Julieta exited the room and shut the door behind her, starting to speed-walk down the hallway. With every footfall, her vision grew more and more blurry, and her balance more and more difficult to maintain.

Finally, it all came to a head. Her knees buckled, and she collapsed. Right before her consciousness faded, she discerned Agustín's panicked face above her…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Warmth. That's the first thing Julieta felt as she came to.

Warmth…and softness. She groaned…and blearily opened her eyes.

Ay, my head…where am I?

Panning her gaze around from where she was lying, she realized she was in her and Agustín's bed. The healer tried to sit up…only to have a hand pushed to her chest, keeping her down.

Turning her head, she saw her husband's concerned face.

"Agustín…"

"Julieta…Dolores told me you were sick."

His face crumpled in despair.

"You're always so selfless, mi amor, and that's admirable…but you can't ignore your own health like that…do you know how worried I was?"

Julieta's face fell with guilt.

"Lo siento…"

Her husband looked away, trying to gather his thoughts…before turning to her once again.

"I love you too much to see you put yourself through this every day. You know you don't have to…"

"True…but old habits die hard. For forty-five years I've had this mindset, and it's all I've ever known. It may be too late for me…"

Agustín grabbed her hand and gazed lovingly into Julieta's eyes.

"No…it's not. The first step is always the hardest…and I'll always be right by your side to help you through it all…"

The healer smiled tenderly through her pounding head and achy body.

"Ay, Agustín…te amo…"

"Te amo también, Juli…"

He started stroking her hair, watching her eyes gently drift close once more.

"Sleep, corazón…I'll take care of you…"

[drippingwetworld]

hey fellow dykes and lesbians , who wants to hear about my agenda for this next week ? im feeling a personal post

today - bake cupcakes and muffins that one of my neighbors ordered for her coworkers retirement party! I found out her coworker is one of the local bus drivers here and has been for 20 years. I hope he likes my cupcakes. I love being a bakery butch.

tomorrow - drop off said cupcakes to my neighbor early in the morning, my wife is gonna help me bc I can’t really do that trek across this giant apartment complex. Psychiatrist appointment too, I really don’t like this current psych and I have to find a new one so I am not excited. Then working on finishing up my inventory for an event I’m vending this weekend . Hopefully I can pull 80-100 bucks to cover some stuff I need.

Friday - make price tags and stuff for table. Bake another batch of cupcakes for the neighbors’ daughter’s 10th bday party. Pack a little bit. My wife is off so she’ll probably pack a bunch and ill be less stressed.

Saturday - neighbor is picking up daughter’s cupcakes at 9:30a. 11a-5p vending at this lil zine fest on the state university campus downtown with my sweetie! Hoping that she and I both do well. Avi (wife) is staying home to pack. I’m gonna come home after that, probably just crash out.

Sunday - PACK PACK PACK PACK PACK :(

Monday - PACKING A G A I N

Tuesday - appt. w/ primary care , packing

Wednesday - woah! Packing!

Thursday - sign lease , officially moving

Friday / Saturday - my sweetie’s wonderful wife is gonna help with a haul of big stuff to my new place. Not sure which day yet. Gonna get a group of pals together and cook them a delicious meal and some treats to help me and avi move our shit bc im too sick to lift stuff over 10 pounds anymore :(

I’m so stoked to be settled

[groggylilfroggy]

It's been awhile since I have actually posted anything personal on here...

I'm struggling real bad and I feel like I am annoying/stressing out everyone around me.

Long story short, I just got my license back...it was suspended because I got in a wreck and my insurance had unfortunately lapsed at the time. (Couldn't afford the payment.) I finally got everything settled.

My wife is a truck driver...and hates the job bc she is never home and it's taking a toll on her.

I feel helpless bc I have such a hard time holding down a job for multiple reasons. It's not from a lack of trying, mind you. I get overwhelmed and so stressed easily that I tend to shut down and become severely depressed. I have moderate to severe panic attacks...and I also have been having major stomach issues, so it's hard for me to determine when I am able to work. So I decided to try instacart...something I can be like "Okay...I feel pretty good today, I can work!"

I have only been able to complete a total of 3 batches because I panic when I'm shopping/delivering. And for some reason the app is so confusing to navigate for me.

I thought the app would be self explainitory. I signed up last month. My first batch was a disaster because I accidentally accepted a double batch. I managed to get all the items I could. Then I went to check out but my app was glitching and I couldn't figure out what the pin was. The employee ringing me up was getting irritated with me and was super impatient which...didn't help me at all. I tried to contact support but the app kept sending me in circles...it was messing up bad. I started to panic because I had cold/frozen stuff and the delivery was due real soon...and I was stuck at check out. It was insane. Then when I finally got in touch with support, I checked out....it was pouring rain....got all the groceries in my car. The app was still messing up. I couldn't figure out how to get to person A or B's house. I'm shaking and hyperventilating. I finally find the navigation and drive to each house

But I couldn't figure out how to complete the orders bc my app didn't give me an option anywhere. So I just dropped the groceries off and left. I contacted support again and told them what happened....

Then the next batch I tried doing....it started with 10-15 items. No problem. That's great! Super easy. Ill be in and out. But then...the customer kept adding stuff. I was literally stuck in the chip aisle for a good 20 minutes. I'm not even joking. And every time I tried leaving the aisle something else was added and I had to turn around and go get it. I was at the store for way longer than I should have been and my phone fucking died before I could even finish the batch. I left the store midpanic attack....I sat in my car to charge my phone and turned it back on. I had to cancel that order because....oh my God I couldn't deal with that customer. They kept adding stuff. They wouldn't communicate with me...they kept sending me everywhere around the store. Completely fucked up my shopping trip...there was just no way. There seriously needs to be a cut off point. Because that totally fucked me all up. I shouldn't have been gone that long. It was ridiculous.

Anyway...I completed another batch with my wife the other day and it wasn't bad...it was a lot easier with someone with me. But like...I was still extremely stressed and anxious. I don't know if instacart is for me...and I'm very upset. I need to do something. I'm disappointed in myself bc I promised I would try hard...but no matter how hard I try, I still fail...

It should be a simple job for me. And yet...it's not. I'm so...so tired...

[dear-ao3]

hi its me again welcome back to the mess that is my silly season post. as a reminder if you never want to see this again block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

today is february 14, 2024 (happy valentines day mothers and fuckers of the jury) and lets dive in to the most recent batch of car releases

now, to be fair, this is a fairly tame update. nothing earth shattering has happened this week, but tomorrow we have the red bull car reveal. and that is anticipated to be...something. so im splitting this into everything that happened this week and then tomorrow we will get the red bull release and ill do my best to take another stab at explaining the red bull drama.

so so so we have four car releases: aston martin, ferrari, mercedes and mclaren. and well, mclaren already dropped their livery in the middle of January cause cause they're #built different and wanted to cause a social media stir in the middle of their taylor swift reputation esque instagram rebrand, so were mostly going to ignore them here cause we've been seeing that car for literally like a month

(also sorry mclaren but it looks pretty much the same as last years)

as for aston martin. well. its green. its a car. its fairly expected.

and ferrari was red. obviously. theres a fork in the kitchen and the ferrari car is red. but i digress.

ferrari did post some stupidly funny pictures of charles and carlos where they both look objectively miserable though. like. alarmingly so. like people made these memes about it:

(via the instagrams banter_steiner and msportbanter)

like those photos are on the real ferrari instagram account. which leaves many people to speculate if the car sucks. it might suck. at this point (i think) all of the drivers have driven this years car on a track individually (as in all at different tracks near where they're based, so ferrari was somewhere in italy, mclaren in england etc) so. they could know something we dont.

aside from that the other head turning car news was the mercedes car. she is pretty and she is sexy and she is not all black! you all remember how last update i talked about the fact that mercedes was the one to pilot the all black livery. well. clearly they remain ahead of the trend because they came out with this bad boy:

she's painted and once again she's ahead of the trend. we love her.

no other driver contracts have been signed as of yet. but we did learn that lewis hamilton had told zhou guanyu before he told the mercedes team that he was moving to ferrari in 2025. and zhou just told no one. cause hes cool like that.

and everyone under the sun still wants the mercedes seat. even esteban ocon. he will probably not get the mercedes seat. there is a rumor going around tho that everyone is basically out of the running except for our good friends kimi antonelli and fernando alonso. t supposedly kimi has plan a and fernando is plan b. but kimi (still being an f2 driver and only having his first year in f2 this year at that) still has to prove himself, which means they wont be announcing if they are signing him until at least june or july (about halfway through the season). though, as of now things are looking pretty good for kimi.

without getting too much into the f2 drama cause thats its own separate bag of cats, they had their pre season testing this week in bahrain. the first day of testing it rained (literally never happens) but kimi finished the testing with the fourth fastest time, 1:53.511s. this is pretty good when you realize that the fastest lap set that day was 1:53.175s (according to motorsport week) also, recall that george russell got his mercedes seat after the insane 2021 qualifying session in belgium, in a massive rainstorm, where he finished second in a shitbox williams. so. things are looking decently good for kimi.

moving on tho to fernando alonso. he had some things to say about the mercedes seat. and by things to say i mean that he had some shade to throw. earlier this week he spoke about the open mercedes seat and had this to say about lewis hamilton's ferrari move:

"It was not his childhood dream 12 months ago or two months ago, I guess, because it was a different dream." which is kind of a wild thing to say, but then again, fernando alonso has been a driver forever, i think hes entitled to a few batshit statements. and he definitely made more than just that one.

as a small refresher, there are currently three world champions on the grid: max verstappen, lewis hamilton and fernando alonso. verstappen and hamilton are both contracted, alonso is the only still available. and he knows that this puts him in a good position (a lot of teams might want him and they'd be willing to pay good money to get him, especially after the commitment to racing they saw in him last year, like when he beat checo by literally .053 seconds for third place in brazil). he said that he is not sure he will want to stay in formula 1 after this year (he has already retired once and expressed minor interest in going to a different league) but if he does he wants to first talk with aston martin about extending his contract there.

he did say though that verstappen and hamilton are "fast world champions, [and] in the past maybe there were some world champions who were not so committed to being fast." first of all Shade and second of all yeah he knows his value in the silly season. if you want to read the rest of his interview its on espn and its actually pretty interesting.

and the last bit we have to unpack before we get to the hot red bull disaster is of course sebastian vettel. you might be asking, who the fuck is sebastian vettel. well allow me to tell you.

sebastian vettel is a four time, consecutive world champion f1 driver (and also the youngest world champion, he won his first when he was 23). he won all of his championships with red bull before leaving the team to sign with ferrari. unfortunately for him that coincided with the rise of mercedes and he never won any championships with ferrari. carlos sainz took his ferrari seat in 2021 and sebastian raced with aston martin for 2 years before retiring in 2022 to spend time with his wife and kids and give younger drivers his seat (this is of course hilarious because he was replaced at aston martin by none other than fernando alonso. who is six years older than Sebastian).

sebastian also is lewis hamiltons emotional support rival, loves bees (and is a supporter of the environment and social justice) and is generally just a silly goofy fun guy.

now. what on earth foes a retired formula 1 driver have to do with silly season?

WELL

basically hes been being a little shit on instagram

and by being a little shit i mean that hes been posting hints at returning to formula 1, or at least to racing.

basically his entire instagram recently (read: for several months) is all old throw back photos of him at red bull with the tag #thereisstillaracetowin. which is. perplexing. because he is not racing.

then there is a video. posted on february 10. of him wearing a red bull jacket and hat with his logo on it. saying "since the beginning of january ive basically been preparing for the new year, for the new season. and i have been in the simulator several times now. and also with the team in england, just to slowly get back into the rhythm."

now yes, this is still one of the throwback posts of his career that they're reposting on his instagram. but it does have very interesting timing. not only are we in the silliest silly season known to man, but also the middle of the red bull drama.

there is also speculation that there german grand prix could be retuning to the calendar. which could connect to vettels supposed and hinted return.

admittedly, its a long shot that hes coming back. but its still interesting timing for sure.

and that of course takes us to red bull. no real news from them other than what we already know. but we do know that horner has:

been told by pretty much everyone under the sun that he should step down

has not stepped down and refuses to admit to any and all allegations

apparently has fallen out of favor with red bull

will be at the car launch tomorrow

so. could be interesting.

stay tuned :)

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[tariancadman]

How could we ever just be friends?

Once again I have written a shitty fanfiction. You're welcome.

Read on Ao3

Summary:  The sound of the rain greeted him as well as a soaked Chaol. Dorian took another deep breath.

“Look Chaol, whatever you’re going to say, I just want you to know I’m sorry-”

“Do you want to dance with me?” Chaol interrupted. 

Dorian’s mind simply stopped. He was like the human version of the loading symbol. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water before managing a broken, “What?”

“Do you want to dance with me?” Chaol asked again. There was an odd look on Chaol’s face, something like hope. Dorian gazed into his brown eyes and remembered the text he had sent. The part where he’d mentioned his gorgeous eyes, the ones he felt like he was being sucked into every time he looked at them. 

***

The rain beat on the windows violently, as it had been for the last few hours. The sound of it was oddly relaxing. Even the thunder that seemed to shake the entire house was nice in a way.

Dorian had been sitting in his room on the windowsill since the rain had started. It had proved pleasant background noise while he finished his homework. He had plugged his earbuds into his phone, played music from one of his playlists, and finished most of the homework he had.

About an hour ago now, Dorian’s father had sent a maid up to tell him the old man had left the house and would be back later tonight. Dorian had thanked the woman and settled back into his work. The house had quieted after his father had left, most people taking his absence as a chance to sit for a while and rest. His father would have wanted him to go tell the people to get back to work, but he couldn’t care less what they did. They deserved a break anyway after working for his father for so long.

Dorian sighed, pulling his earbuds out and packing his notebooks, pencil case, computer, and other things into his backpack and placing it by his bedroom door. Just then, he received a text.

Aelin: Sorry Dorian, I don’t think we can hang out today. My dad is all worked up about the storm and doesn’t want me to leave the house until it’s over :(

Dorian quickly texted her back saying it was all okay, that they could hang out next weekend instead. He couldn’t help the slight disappointment he felt though. They’d been meant to binge Heartstopper while he moped over Chaol, and Aelin held him while he cried.

Dorian jumped onto his bed, thinking about what he could do with the new free time he had. Immediately he thought of face timing Chaol, but that wasn’t a good idea. Last week, Dorian had been drunk and sent Chaol a text about how in love with him he was. When he had woken up in the morning, there had been a bunch of texts and missed phone calls from Chaol saying they needed to talk. Dorian had been avoiding him since, not wanting to hear Chaol say he didn’t want to be friends anymore and that he had never wanted Dorian like that.

Dorian sat back up and ran a hand through his hair before an idea popped into his head. Grabbing his phone, Dorian ran down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Why hello there, boy,” Thalia said from where she sat on a barstool. “Is there something you’d like for me to make for you?”

Thalia was his family’s cook. She had been around for decades now and was the only person who dared to speak ill of Dorian’s father openly. Dorian thought of her almost as a grandmother. She’d always been nice to him, giving him extra sweets when he was younger and talking to him about school when his parents ignored him.

“Not today, Thalia. If it’s okay, though, I’d like to use the kitchen to bake something.”

Thalia smiled and slid off the barstool and hobbled over to the door. “Don’t let me stop you, sweetheart.”

The door shut behind Thalia and Dorian quickly went to work, grabbing everything he needed.

***

Dorian sat at the kitchen island while he waited for the last batch of cookies to finish cooking. The smell of fresh cookies had engulfed the room, making Dorian’s stomach rumble. He was forcing himself to wait for them to cool off enough so that he didn’t burn his mouth when he took a bite of one.

The oven beeped, signaling there was only a minute left on the timer just as a young maid, the same one who had told him his father was leaving earlier, walked into the room. She wore an apron over a nice pair of black slacks and a white shirt. Her dark curls were pulled back into a tight ponytail on the top of her head, and Dorian thought he could see some sparkle on her eyelids.

“Hello Sir. There is a man at the door asking to see you. He says he’s your friend. Would you like for me to let him in?” The woman said, her voice soft.

Dorian couldn’t hide his surprise. The calls and text messages from Chaol had stopped yesterday, and he’d thought that would be the end of that. He’d cried for hours, knowing he had finally fucked up their friendship in an unfixable way.

The woman stood there waiting for his answer, but Dorian was still a little shocked that Chaol was here and couldn’t even tell her not to call him sir. The timer on the oven decided right then was the best time to go off and Dorian went to grab the oven mitts, moving on autopilot, but before he could, the woman grabbed his hands.

“Go talk to your friend sir, I’ll deal with your cookies.” She was smiling now, as if she knew something he didn’t.

“I-um-Thank you. I’m going to go, uh, do that.” Dorian managed. “Thank you, ma’am, very much,” He yelled as he ran through the halls towards the front door.

As he neared the closed door and saw Chaol’s silhouette through the glass, his stomach turned over. Maybe Chaol had come over here to yell at him or to give him back something he’d left at Chaol’s place. Dorian pushed the nerves down and took and deep breath, opening the door.

The sound of the rain greeted him as well as a soaked Chaol. Dorian took another deep breath.

“Look Chaol, whatever you’re going to say, I just want you to know I’m sorry-”

“Do you want to dance with me?” Chaol interrupted.

Dorian’s mind simply stopped. He was like the human version of the loading symbol. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water before managing a broken, “What?”

“Do you want to dance with me?” Chaol asked again. There was an odd look on Chaol’s face, something like hope. Dorian gazed into his brown eyes and remembered the text he had sent. The part where he’d mentioned his gorgeous eyes, the ones he felt like he was being sucked into every time he looked at them.

Dorian, not trusting himself to speak, nodded his head and gestured to the coat closet. Chaol smiled and nodded, understanding what he was trying to convey. He always did that, understood Dorian without even needing to try. It was aggravating.

Dorian moved on autopilot once again, grabbing his shoes and tying them quickly. When he stood up and moved back into the doorway, his eyes met with Chaol’s outstretched hand. Dorian took hold of it, Chaol pulling him out of the house and reaching behind Dorian to close the door.

Dorian closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling the scent of Chaol when he was so close to him and savoring the feeling of their chests pressed together. Chaol’s hand tightened its hold and then he pulled him down the steps into the pouring rain.

The cold soaked through his clothes in seconds, chilling him to the bone, but Chaol didn’t stop moving, instead he pulled him into the garden and let go of Dorian’s hand. Chaol reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, pressing a button before tucking it back into the pocket.

“Until I Found You” by Stephen Sanchez and Em Beihold started played through speakers Dorian couldn’t see. Chaol reached out his hand again, looking slightly nervous now. His wet shirt clung to his body, and Dorian wanted to trail his fingers along his muscles, but he reminded himself he couldn’t.

Cautiously, Dorian grabbed Chaol’s hand, and Chaol pulled him in close. One of Chaol’s hands went around his waist and the other stayed holding his hand. Chaol moved them into a dance that was incredibly romantic.

“You told me once a few years ago that the most romantic thing you could think of was dancing in the rain,” Chaol whispered in Dorian’s ear. Dorian’s heart raced as he realized what Chaol was implying and at the thought that Chaol had paid attention to something so small.

Chaol spun him and pulled him back in, pressing himself to him as tightly as possible. Dorian looked up slightly and brought the hand he had rested on Chaol’s shoulder to his face, gently cupping it and running his thumb along his cheekbone. Chaol shuddered, his face looking absolutely wrecked as he closed his eyes.

Dorian smiled softly. “You also remembered my favorite song.”

“Yes,” Chaol whispered. “I’ve wanted to speak with you.” Chaol opened his eyes and they stilled, staring into each other’s souls.

Dorian swallowed, letting himself hope. He watched as Chaol’s Adam’s apple bobbed and as his tongue came out to wet his lips. Dorian forgot about the rain causing him to shiver, focused solely on Chaol.

“I read your text, and at first, I simply stared at it. I couldn’t believe what I had read, I thought, he must be pranking me, but then you didn’t answer any of the messages I sent you and I knew it was real, that you were panicking because you thought I would be mad with you. I have been trying to contact you so I could tell you that you are not alone in your feelings.” Chaol pressed Dorian tighter into him.

“I love you, Dorian. Your eyes sparkle when you are happy and your laugh is beautiful and you me feel dumb and I love it. I have loved you ever since we were children and I want to spend every moment of every day with you. I have spent the last years thinking that I was destined to be alone forever because I had found my soulmate, but he did not see me as his.” When Chaol finishes, he is panting.

Dorian smiles and then pulls away from Chaol to fall over laughing. Chaol stands there surprised only to realize how stupid this whole situation is and starts laughing as well.

Dorian stands back up, grabbing Chaol’s face in his hands and resting their foreheads together. “I can’t believe we have been desperately in love with each other this entire time and not noticed it. We are possibly the most oblivious people ever.”

Chaol chuckles and stares into Dorian’s eyes as he says, “Did my romantic gesture live up to your expectations?”

Dorian’s smile grows. “Yes, 100 times yes. Now shut up and kiss me.”

Chaol pulls him in close and suddenly spins Dorian away from him before leaning him over like in the movies and presses his mouth to Dorians. When they pull away from each other, both out of breath, Dorian says softly, “Would you like to eat fresh cookies with me and cuddle in front of the fire, wishing we hadn’t spent so much time in the rain?”

Chaol laughs, the sound loud and uninhibited. “Of course I would, Dorian.”

[haikyuu-sins]

Hey!!

Ok, first of all I love your writing, it's just soooo good and second, since I saw the requests are opened I wanted to ask for a little scenario, ok here we go.

So it's Law x fem!Reader from the strawhats and both crews are fighting against some kind of enemy and their army, this enemy it's like a mad scientist and shots the reader with a strange sustance but nobody really notices because they are fighting and she doesn't want them to get preoccupied.

The things is, some days later strange white marks begin to appear on her skin and yes, it's the amber lead, she tries to hide it but at some point Law sees it and when I don't know, I will leave the rest to you.

Thank you so much ❤❤

Thank you! I loved how interesting this request was! I hope you enjoy :) (I realized too late into this thatI didn’t make them a strawhat so my apologies for that! I’ve been trying to work on this one for so long and it slipped my mind :( also I’m sorry that this kind of ends a little abruptly, I wasn’t sure where I really wanted it to go in the end

Warnings: Getting shot/blood

****Law x Reader

This was supposed to be quick. An in, out kind of deal. What was going to be a quick trade, ended up being a ruse. When Law was finished with his end of the deal, which was healing a member of this scientist’s crew and in return he’d give Law a medicine that he had been looking for that he would only be able to get from this island.

But things went south as soon as the deal was finished. It all started happening so quickly that you almost didn’t have time to react. Once the sound of a gunshot filled the air, Law was quick to act. He was already after the ringleader and was telling the rest of the crew to fight and stay alive until he got back from dealing with the scientist.

The once peaceful surroundings were now a small battlefield. You watched Bepo and the rest of the crew fighting with the others and you had your own hands full with a few of the men from the other crew. But what you didn’t notice was that there was a sniper off in the distance with a fresh batch of bullets that were coated and infused with different diseases; new and old.

His sights were set on you as you seemed to be giving his crewmates the most trouble. There was so much noise on the battlefield that you didn’t even know where the next gunshot came from. All you knew was that you felt a sharp pain in your thigh, then moments later, another right above your knee cap. Your mind went white for a moment. The searing pain made your head go blank before you felt a fist connect with your face that brought you back to reality.

You wanted to pass out but Law told you all to stay alive because he knew that you could handle yourselves. That meant you couldn’t afford to lose consciousness. Law put his trust in you and the rest of his crew so you needed to show him that you could be trusted.

Blood trickled down your left leg and your pants were sticking to you uncomfortably. You felt useless not being able to even use one of your legs. But no matter how much it hurt, you put your weight on it and continued to fight. Another bullet came your way but this time you sensed it. There was something different about this one. It almost seemed to have some sort of heavy aura around it.

You deflected it with the knife you held in your hand. The bullet ricocheted off and hit one of the men you were brawling with, and straight into his shoulder.

He hissed in pain, not knowing what exactly had happened, but when you saw what that bullet began doing to his body you realized why it was so different from the other two. His skin started to melt from where the bullet entered and he screamed in agony. Your eyes were wide with fear, hoping that that wouldn’t be your fate. While your skin wasn’t melting off like his, you knew that there had to have been something wrong with this bullet as well.

But you didn’t have much time to process what could happen to you because the fighting continued and now you had the added bonus of trying to figure out if there would be a bullet coming at you. In a moment there was a sharp stinging in your side. You heard no gun shots but there was a clear wound in your abdomen.

Within minutes though, everything suddenly stopped, you and the rest of the crew had taken notice that there was a slight blue tinge that covered the area. In that moment, you knew that you could finally relax. Your legs buckled under you and the next thing you knew, you were in the sub.

You ached. Your entire body ached and you heard a soft beeping noise right beside you. Slowly your eyes began to open and you squint. The bright lights nearly blinding you.

Law glanced over and heard the rustling of the bed sheets. “Don’t touch the IV, Y/n-ya.” he spoke as he watched you reaching for it. You sigh and your hand falls onto the bed. “And don’t even think about moving.” he stood from his chair next to you and gently pushed your shoulder down.

Your voice was hoarse when you spoke softly. “Is everyone okay?” glancing around the room, you noticed that there was no one else but you and Law.

“Everyone is fine. I was able to patch them up. You one the other hand were the one who had the most damage done. You were shot three times. I’m not sure why but I couldn’t find the bullets even though there wasn’t an exit wound.”

He had even used his Scan on you thanks to his Ope-Ope no mi but still wasn’t able to find anything wrong. For some reason, you thought it would be a good idea to omit the fact that a bullet that was aimed for you hit someone else and melting the man’s skin off. There wasn’t anything wrong with you now. But what you didn’t know was that the bullets were still inside you. They had dissolved and a deadly and what was thought to be an incurable disease was now making its way through your body.

“I’m going to run some tests-”

“Please, I’m fine! Will you just let me get back to work?”

The look on Law’s face said it all as he turned to you. ‘Absolutely not’ was plastered all over and you knew better than to argue with him, but you felt like a terrible burden.

“You should be doing Captain things, not treating me.” you slumped back into the bed.

“You seem to forget that your captain is also your doctor.”

Your lips made an ‘O’ and your cheeks flushed slightly. “I didn’t forget...It just slipped my mind for a second.”

“I’m going to run your tests tomorrow. You’ve lost a lot of blood and need rest, so I’ll leave you be for a few hours and come back to check on you. Let me know if you need anything. You shouldn’t be in too much pain but I can put more medicine in your IV-that you better not take out-if you need it.” With that, he left the room while you glared at the IV that was stuck in you. It was best that you left it in and you knew it, It soon didn’t worry you anymore and before you knew it, your eyelids fluttered close with the darkness of a promising sleep overcoming.

It was about a week before Law let you out of the infirmary. He made sure you were okay to walk on your own, and he wanted you to take antibiotics for another week in case of an infection. The tests he had taken all came back normal for now. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but he still wanted you to check in with him every so often.

Law was wary of letting you out of his site, something had been worrying him about the fact he couldn’t find the bullets but you spoke of nothing out of the ordinary no matter how much he knew tried to get the information out of you.

The next time Law saw you, you looked like a ghost. He noticed how your knees were trembling and quickly urged you to sit down, guiding you to a chair. “I told you to come by and see me if there was anything wrong, Y/N-ya.”

“I’m fine… really. I’m just a little tired.”

His grey eyes narrowed slightly at you then his brows furrowed. There was a spot in your hair that hadn’t been there before that was beginning to go white--not grey like a normal aging person, but white. Quickly, he grabbed your arm and shoved the material of your sleeve up. You had no strength to pull back and his eyes now widened when he noticed the white patches that were covering you.

“Law it hurts… Everything hurts. I ache all the time and it feels like there’s nothing I can do to make it stop.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?!” the taller man quickly scooped you out of the chair and rushed you into the infirmary.

“That bullet…I think there was something in it.” you managed to croak out. “One of their guys got shot with a bullet that I dodged and his skin, it started to melt off his body.” You knew that he’d be scolding you after this, not telling him all of the details the first time is one of Law’s pet peeves.

“This could have all been avoided if you told me this in the first place!” While this would be an easy fix for Law, he was still upset that you were putting yourself in unnecessary pain. You didn’t need to suffer and if you weren't stubborn then you wouldn’t be in this position. He knew exactly what it was like to have this incurable disease, but you were lucky enough to have a captain who could cure anything. Including Amber Lead.

He put you on the bed in the infirmary and it didn’t take him long to get this out of your body. On the way there you had passed out which did make it easier for Law work, but he was scared. This disease was supposed to be gone. So how did this scientist get a hold of something this deadly?

One thing he did know--he wasn’t going to lose anyone else to this forsaken illness. Not again. He had already lost his entire family to it and he would be damned if he’d let it happen to his crew.

It only took Law a few minutes to finish this up and make sure that all of the Amber Lead was out of your body. He ran tests on you all throughout the night, almost never leaving your side. It was comforting knowing that the first face you saw when you opened your eyes was him. Though you knew he probably wasn’t the happiest with you, you did know that he would always do his best to save you and that’s why your eyes were opening in the first place.

Besides the quiet beeps of the monitor, the next thing you heard was his gruff voice. “You sure do leave out some important information when it’s needed.”

You bit your lip. “Sorry…”

“I don’t think ‘sorry’ cuts it when you nearly had a death wish. You’d be dead if you weren’t here with me, you know that? What you were shot with was a bullet that had Amber Lead poisoning which is normally incurable.”

“Guess I’m really lucky then, huh?” you smile weakly over to him, hoping that maybe he’ll see the bright side. “I’m alive at least, that counts for something, right?”

“Yeah, you’re lucky enough to be alive so you can do all of the extra chores around the sub.”

“Oh come on!” you groaned out in protest. “This is what I get for pulling thought and making it out alive?!”

“No. This is what you get for nearly getting yourself killed for leaving out information that could have prevented this from getting as bad as it did. Maybe next time you should think twice about being as stubborn as you usually are.”

“But that’s my best quality!”

“Trust me, you have better qualities than that, Y/N-ya.” and with that, he left the room, leaving you with a pink tinted face.

[kyberconfessions]

No Matter Where You Go, I Will Find You. part 3

Hi everyone! We have made it to Part 3! Thank you for coming on this wonderful journey with me. I have at least 6 chapters already written and the story will be longer than that. I appreciate all of your love and reblogs and everything you say about it. Seriously, I love you all. Also, I am toying with the idea of a Bad Batch x reader story AU. Let me know if there is any want for that. Thanks!!!

As always:

This will eventually be a 18+ older fic and will deal with anxiety, death, sex,  PTSD, murder, loss, found family, Order 66, and coming to terms. This is not just a fluff fic. It will very much be dealing with very dark and hard themes, so please, if that is something that can be too hard for you, don’t read.

Pairings: Rex x Reader x Cody (polyamory) I should say this is NOT a Rex x Cody fic. There will be ZERO Clonecest on this blog or story. Reader is a consensual relationship with Rex and with Cody. Yes they share, yes they will eventually have sex together, but Cody and Rex are NOT in a relationship nor will they be intimate.

Rating: 18+

TW: Death, Murder, infanticide, death of the Jedi, PTSD, Loss, Anxiety, eating disorders, sleep disorders, Order 66. I will add other things as I think about them

Part 3: Again

It had taken you longer to get to Hondo than you would have liked. But, of course he had to be by some out of the way planet, forgotten by most. You pride yourself on your extensive knowledge of the planetary systems, knowing obscure things that even had Master Yoda chuckling with delight. But this place? You had no idea where it was. It never showed up on any star chart and quite frankly you were fairly certain he gave you incorrect coordinates. But, still, you went there to meet him. You had to laugh to yourself when you saw his ship waiting for you, floating in the dead of space. Hondo was telling the truth. 

"Kriffing pirates," you mumbled to no one, chuckling as you started preparing your ship to dock with his. No matter how many star charts you studied, how many space lanes you memorized, he would always know more obscure things than you.

As you finished the docking sequence and began to enter his ship, you mulled over what he would want to show you. Something he was either desperate to have or knew you would want immediately. Something he wouldn’t risk saying over a commed link, even if it was secure.   Honestly if this was another wild goose chase he put you on for something he could find at any market stall on any of the core planets...well you wouldn’t do anything except grumble while you went and got it. You should hate the power Hondo had over you, but you didn’t. He never did anything to you out of ill will or because he could. Hondo was just eccentric. 

‘But…,’you couldn’t help think. But what if? What if? What if he finally found something you truly needed? 

     Could it finally be Cody’s helm? Or could it be a piece of Rex? You knew in your heart it wasn’t either of those, it never was, but still you hoped. Still you held on and asked the Force to give you just this one win. Just this once, let you have something of Rex. Anything would do. A pauldron, his Kama, a piece off of his belt, something, anything. You just wanted some piece of him to hold onto. You missed him so much. You missed them both, but where Cody could be hard and demanding and strict, Rex was soft and loving. He would hold your fingers in secret where Cody would just stand. Rex would let his hand linger on your shoulder a few seconds longer than need be, while Cody would just grunt in acknowledgement. Rex would praise you after training; Cody would demand perfection, pushing you harder than Obi-Wan ever would.  But when he would show you his love, Cody would love with the brilliance of a burning sun.

Hondo waved at you from the otherside of his door, giving you a flourished bow before opening the airlock. But as you walked in, your mind wandered, thinking to your lovers. 

You missed them both so much and you could use a few of their pep-talks, especially now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan and Anakin stood on the Training Observation Deck of the Negotiator, watching their Padawans work through a strenuous series of obstacles and training droids.

Cody and Rex stood on the sides of their respective Generals, watching as well.

Ashoka did well, flipping, moving, and swinging her saber with ease. Each of her targets went down with raw power, showing how strong she was getting. You, on the other hand, were tired and sore and not moving as quickly as you usually do. But, that was because Ashoka just came back off a week's leave from Coruscant and you had recently gotten shipside from a long and drawn out campaign with Foxtrot Group. You were exhausted when she was refreshed. But that didn't mean you could slack off in your training. You had to be stronger, you had to be better. You were Jedi, you would not fail.

Ashoka finished the trial a few seconds before you did, landing at the finish line on one foot. Just as you were about to execute your final flip, the training block shifted underneath you, causing your foot to slip. Before you could right yourself, a stun bolt hit you square in the back, knocking you down. You landed on the ground with a hard and loud thud, ending the exercise.

Obi-Wan watched as Ashoka went to help you up, feeling guilty for having you train. He knew you were tired and drained, but you had insisted on working with the other Padawan. He should have put his foot down and told you to get some sleep. But he didn't and here you all were. 

Anakin walked forward to the console and stopped the exercise, reseting it.

"Good job Snips, finally getting that barrel flip down.” He called over the comm. “Thank you, Master.” 

You were standing behind Ashoka as she spoke to her Master, dusting off your robes and massaging your neck, disappointed in yourself. You should have sensed that bolt coming, you should have been able to right yourself and finish the test. You stood there, mentally berating yourself so much that you didn't realize Obi-Wan had started to address you.

"It's alright Young One, you did excellent, but I fear your exhaustion has hindered your training for today. Why don't you go and eat and get some much needed rest and we can revisit this at a later time."

Obi-Wan, ever the loving caretaker, cursed himself for even allowing you to work in your state. You could have gotten seriously injured and where would that have put you? He knew in all honesty you should be in the medbay getting checked out and possibly doing a little time in a bacta tank.

But, Marshal Commander Cody thought differently. Ever the perfectionist, he would not accept this as the end of your session. With his bucket under his left arm, he walked up to the console and pressed the comm, calling you.

"No Jed'ika. Start over."

You looked up into the window of the viewing deck and saw him staring at you, eyes hard. The others looked on in mild concern and irritation. Obi-Wan was about to chastise his second, when he noticed you move to the beginning and prepare for another assault. You knew he was right, he always was. You could do better, you should be doing better, but you let your exhaustion lie to you. You weren’t so tired that you couldn’t finish this level. You’ve done this countless times, late in the evening, with Cody at your side. There was absolutely no reason you couldn’t finish it now.

Cody looked back to his General for a split second, as if looking for permission, before restarting the training exercise. This time, as you went though the course, you only made it halfway before failing again. There was a trick shot the training droids took that you weren’t prepared for and you took another bolt to your upper thigh. You were going to have an ugly bruise in a few hours.

Gingerly you stood, favoring your leg for a few seconds before shaking it off. Just another color added to your already mottled and scarred skin. 

As you went to stand, you saw the course reset once more and heard Cody’s voice over the comms, “Again.”

Rex didn’t like this, but he knew what Cody was doing. He knew if you were just pushed harder, if you were taken to your limit, you would not fail. He also knew that if you left the course without succeeding you would beat yourself up for days, feeling weak and useless. Rex didn’t like it, but he agreed. Obi-Wan watched on, focusing on your resilience and strength in the Force, humbled by his young Padawan. Anakin, on the other hand, didn’t like what was happening and felt that the Commander of the 212th was being too careless with your safety. This went on for some time, Cody would call for you to restart, you would fail, you would get up, and he would call again. Over and over and over. 

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Anakin had enough. “This is absurd! She’s clearly tired and needs rest. Hells, she needs time in the Medbay!” He walked up to the console and used his shoulder to push Cody out of the way, calling to you, “Padawan, you’re done now. Go straight to the Medbay. I want Kix to look you over.” He turned to Rex, “See she gets there, I don’t trust the Commander at the moment.”

Ashoka looked visibly uncomfortable from where she stood on the viewing deck and gazed up at Obi-Wan for any kind of reaction. He said nothing, just watching his Padawan try to get up off of the mat while pulling at the hairs in his beard. Before he could give the order for Cody to help take you to the medbay, Cody unceremoniously stomped over to the lift door and went down into the training room. They watched as he approached you and pulled you up, speaking harshly in a hushed tone to you.

You watched as Cody barreled towards you and crouched down at your eyelevel to look at you sternly. “Get up, Jed’ika. Get up. You don’t have time to wallow in your self pity. You don’t have time to lay here. You don’t have time to fail! Get up!” You listened to his words and tried to stand, but your knee where you had just taken a bolt gave out and you fell. Cody wrapped his hand around your bicep firmly and pulled you up.

“Each time you fail, another one of your men dies! You get up and you do it again! Each failure is another soldiers life gone! The men you swore to protect! Get up!” You nodded and stood on your own feet, albeit wearily. He was right. “You are a Jedi. You are not some clanker who falls over with the slightest push. You are better than this! You are better than your failure. You are Jedi. Do better. What is it that you’re always quoting from General Yoda? There is no try. You either do it, or you fail. And I do not accept failure! AGAIN.” Once he knew you were on stable legs, he stalked off to the sideline and prepared to yell at you more as you went through the program.

“Master, this is ridiculous! Cody has lost his mind! She’s too tired and needs medical attention.” Anakin was almost shaking; he was so upset. Who did Cody think he was? You were going to get seriously injured if you continued on. You needed rest and bacta, not constant berating and training. This wasn’t the way one taught a Padawan. This wasn’t the way Obi-Wan taught him.

 Obi-Wan quirked an eyebrow at Anakin and breathed loudly out his nose, removing his hand from his beard. “Yes, I do believe you are right, Anakin. It seems I have let this get out of hand.” He stood closer to the control panel, hand hovering over the comms, but instead of turning off the program, he restarted it and turned it to a higher level of intensity. Anakin balked.

 “Master! She’s going to get killed!” Ashoka cried out, looked to her Master and back to Obi-Wan, a strange feeling of anxiety sitting in her throat. It seemed through all the arguing and annoyances the Jedi were currently engaged in, they forgot about the Captain standing there, bucket under his arm, watching his brother and his Jed’ika. In his mind he kept a chant of ‘Come on, come on, you can do this.’ Over and over he thought, urging you to finish it. He wanted nothing more than in that moment to run down there and do as Cody was doing. He wanted to push you further, to push you to where he knew you could go. But he couldn’t, he was made to stand at ease and watch everything from the viewing deck. But, everything in him was down there on the mat with you, his most beloved, urging you to be better. The only thing on his mind was watching you finish this training exercise, going to your quarters to help you bathe, wrap your wounds, and finally making sure you ate a good meal. If he knew his brother, which he did, Cody was thinking the same thing.

You stood at the beginning once more and took a deep breath, hearing the mechanical beep signaling the beginning of the exercise. ‘Do better,’ you thought, before starting. You moved quickly through, dodging each blast, flipping and jumping higher and higher onto different ledges, using your saber to volley away bolts you could not dodge on your own, until you got to the point where you kept failing. Through the course, you could hear Cody yelling at you to keep going, keep moving, to not stop. You could hear him demanding excellence from you, he wanted more than what you thought you could give. He wanted perfection. It pushed you to go further, to work harder, to be better. You wouldn't fail your men and you wouldn't fail Cody. You dug deep into yourself and thought back to the training your former Master gave you, to that harsh and dangerous form. You could do it, you just had to concentrate. If you could find your center, you could toe that line made of shadows while still holding onto the light. You breathed deep, ‘allow your emotions to guide your strikes...feel that bubbling of anger and frustration, grab onto it to push you further. But do not give in. Just use it to fuel your power.’ Your old Master’s voice rang in your head, their training at the forefront of your mind. Multiple bolts fired at once, but instead of one landing a hit, you switched into Form VII, into Juyo. The most difficult saber form, Juyo was dark and dangerous, only used by those skillful Masters equipped with the knowledge of what it means to touch the Darkside and still stand in the Light. Used by your old Master.. taught to you by them in the shadows of Malachor… You shook your muscles out before jumping up against a wall structure, running its length with ease as more bolts were blocked. As you reached its end, you bounced over to the other wall and repeated the pattern, running and blocking, before twisting up onto its ledge. You stood, saber drawn across your body, balancing on the balls of your left foot as your right sat crossed on your thigh. You waited, breathing in and feeling the pulse of the machines across the Force. 

THERE. 

You flipped up, saber swinging around you in a figure eight, blocking each bolt back, volleying them towards the mechanical guns that sprang from the walls.

You landed once more in your previous spot before swan diving to the ground, landing with practiced grace and ease at the end, having finally completed the exercise. “Kark yeah!” Cody grunted, quickly walking to you. You had a tired smile on your face when he reached you.  He reached out to grab your shoulder, squeezing it gently, before letting his hand fall away just as quickly. You looked up at him with adoration. 

“I knew you could do it, Cyare,” he whispered, praising you, before taking a respectful stance, remembering that you were a superior and that you both were not alone. You nodded your thanks and tried to give him a look that said, "I love you". Hopefully he understood. He did.

Cody went to get you a towel to wipe your face as the others joined you on the mat. There were praises and excitement from the other Padawan, but both Obi-Wan and Anakin shared a look; they knew those moves. Knew that stance. A dangerous form like Juyo left unchecked could cause irreparable damage. It might be time for you to study a little under Master Windu if you are to continue in that form. Either way, Obi-Wan could feel the relief and happiness rolling off you, it could wait for another day. He also noticed a few feelings not very Jedi-like, aimed at the Marshall Commander and the Jaig-eyed Captain of the 501st. He quirked an eyebrow, but still he smiled his dazzling smile at you.

Obi-Wan was so proud of you, you felt giddy.  It was all you ever wanted, and you knew you had it. He was proud of you.You proved to yourself and your Master that you weren’t some weak kid playing at being a Jedi. You truly were one and no matter how tired or weary you were, you could finish what you started. 

Later that evening, after getting off duty, Rex made his way to your quarters, a tray of food in hand and a few bandages in the other. He hadn't even stopped at his bunk to change out of his armor. He went straight to the mess hall and then to you, wanting to check in.

When he approached your door, he knocked once before punching in your code, knowing he'd always be welcomed in. When the door slid open, he couldn't help but smile under his helmet at the sight. 

You were sitting on the edge of your desk, freshly showered, robes put away, wearing loose, grey, linen pants and a black smallshirt. Cody was also freshly showered and in clean blacks, his armor stacked neatly by your bed. He sat in your chair, positioned between your legs, wrapping scrapes and cuts from the campaign and the training from earlier in fresh bandages, rubbing bacta on your bruises, and whispering words of praise and love to you.

Beside you both were 3 trays of untouched food, waiting to be consumed; one for you, one for Cody, and one for Rex. 

Rex entered, letting the door slide closed behind him, a soft smile on his lips. He placed the extra tray of food next to the others, took off his bucket, and dropped a kiss to the top of your head before heading to your small refresher. When he exited, loose towel around his waist, Cody’s head was already buried between your naked thighs.

That night you all had the best sleep in ages, you sandwiched between the two men, tangled in sheets and their limbs, finally able to be together after so long apart. None of you would trade it for the world. 

[weirdplutoprince]

Non romance focused/not heavy on romance shoujo isekais batch:

Beware of the villainess - Theres romance but its secondary and it only really kicks in at the last chapters. It's a very good story!

Lady Baby - As the title implies she's a baby for a lot of it so due to that its low on romance for a while. I haven't finished it but I'm sure there's romance eventually. its ok.

Milady Just Wants to Relax - Very cute! I didn't finish it but there wasn't any obvious male lead as far as I could tell, so that's nice. Most likely there will be eventually though. I found it pleasant.

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass - Revenge heavy but pleasant. There's romance but I find the guy bearable for the genre and his thing is mostly doing a thumbs-up while his girl schemes. Takes a while for them to get together, too. There's a faux male lead guy but it's kinda obvious it will go nowhere. More romance than the others though.

Who made me a princess - I'm told the novel is more romance focused, but in the comic it's basically an after thought for the end. The focus is on the father-daughter relationship. It's cute but you need to have patience for the shitty dad. I like him but he's an idiot.

 Isekai Omotenashi Gohan - FOOD ISEKAI! This one is very cute. I don't remember if there's romance (probably) but it's a cooking isekai and it's cute.

The Stepmother’s Marchen - She has bigger problems than romance but there will definetely be some eventually. Some of the guys are weird and annoying as well, so beware, even if it's family focused.

I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away - I haven't finished but it's more of grooming a guy to become a tyrant and he becomes obsessed with you as a side effect than romance at the start, and the girl is very much using him for her own goals. Unfortunately I'm sure they'll be together in the end. Recommend if you enjoy "girl who suffered lots turns on evil family and becomes cold and evil-ish"

The Angelic Lady - Revenge focused. Kinda mid but I heard she dumps a guy so theres that!

Kill the Villainess - Revenge focused. The guys suck so, so badly but she just wants to die. There's technically a male lead but love definetely loses here.

I want to be you, Just for a day - HEAVY. Revenge, suffering, pain, hatred etc. I think there's a male lead but they have MUCH WORSE problems. It's very good and it focused on the villainess and her relationship with the heroine as they dismantle the systemns that hold them down. There might be romance eventually but it's definetely not the focus.

MISCELLANEOUS

Please have a meal - not technically an isekai but it's a bit like SAO with a magical video game world. Food focused! There might be romance eventually but the guys definetely cares about cooking more than anything.

Witch Hat Atelier - So cute and beautifully drawn! They're children so not romance focused. It's a magic, fantasy setting with incredible worldbuilding and concepts. Very interesting!

GEMMA! - I don't think it's available anywhere but Tapas and it's paid but it's very good. I don't think its a shoujo but it's very focused on girls and women and their personal feelings and journeys. It's one of the best comics I've ever read. Adventure focused. ZERO ROMANCE!

DPS Only! - Also available on Tapas and paid. Very cool! It's a mundane setting focused on professional gaming with a female protagonist. She has a close relationship to another girl but I don't think they're a couple? Though I might be mistaken, it's been a while. It's very good!

An animal hospital at the border area - Female vet accidentaly becomes a doctor for magical creatures. Very fun! There might be romance eventually but it was very magical focused as far as I could see. It was fun!

The spark in your eyes - Very interesting female character and world. Heavy themes and somewhat disturbing at times. Still, very, very good. Fantasy setting. There might be romance eventually but the female lead is too mentally ill to focus on anything but her own torment for a long while so I don't think it will be soon. Awesome!

Kasane - Horror? Has magical elements. Insanely good and you can't put it down, but also very disturbing and fucked up. There's romance but it's like, another nail in the coffin of a girl with one million problems and who's metaphorically digging her own grave of mistakes. Recommend but check the trigger warning!

Dungeon Meshi - Zero romance! Although it's up to interpretation at times. Very fun and creative fantasy setting! Also heavily cooking focused! It's so much fun and has a very interesting cast and world. Recommend!

Skip to Loafer - It's technically a seinen but it feels like a shoujo. There's romance and it's definetely relevant but it's also very much focused on young girls friendship and aspirations and finding your place in the world. The romance is just another way they have of understanding each other.

Good luck! I hope something works for you!

Hiii! Do you happen to know of any shoujo stuff that isn't super romance focused? (If you know any isekai specifically that's nice, but any other subgenre is good too!)

Gosh, I'll have to get back to you on the isekai aspect but from the top of my head I'll recommend 'The makeup remover'. I'm not sure if its officially a shoujo, and it has some romance - but its definetely not the focus and its an incredibly intelligent, well thought out, visually interesting comic otherwise. I think you'll find it very interesting! (The cover will make it seem like I'm lying but trust me )

[redrose-arrow]

hi Duncan x halt anon here and you have NO IDEA what you’ve just unleashed (IVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT THESE TWO FOR SO LONGN) but you said to go ahead and I will until it gets annoying!!!

ANYWAY so these two are...pretty different, right. But in the books Duncan lets Halt get away with a LOT and genuinely values him & Halt does have at minimum SOME respect for Duncan, bc I don’t think Duncan would tolerate just straight-up disrespect, but their dynamic is “very good friends friends who’ll tease/bully each other” more so than “loyal follower & royal leader”. SO what I’m thinking: after Crowley & Halt rescue him from the castle & they’re on their way to the tournament, Duncan realizes Halt is That Guy From The Ball That Duncan Totally Wasn’t Crushing On From Afar, and he’s like....BUT THEY SAID YOU WERE DEAD so Halt yanks him aside while Crowley’s distracted and is like “SHUT UP ILL TELL YOU LATER.” Duncan won’t tell Crowley or the others even if Halt doesn’t wanna explain but he IS very confused & Halt knows he won’t stop pestering him for an explanation...So he tells Duncan the story, late one night by the campfire, when Crowley is fast asleep. Halt keeps his voice low and he’s kinda reluctant to tell it at first but he gets through it, tells Duncan all about how his own brother resented him for being heir to a throne he never wanted in the first place, how he saw Ferris change and become more distant and manipulative over the years, how he witnessed firsthand how power could corrupt a man (and has the scars to prove it). Duncan asks about his parents, because surely they would’ve recognized the attempts on his life? “They fought too much to notice,” Halt says dismissively. “Even if they didn’t, I was hardly the son they would’ve wanted on the throne—Ferris was more charismatic, more amiable. I was the firstborn but he was their favourite, and I couldn’t quite bring myself to ruin that for them.” And he talks, eventually, about his little sister Caitlyn; the only one who saw what was going on and believed him when he told her, fever-ridden and delirious from a batch of “spoiled shrimp”, that Ferris was trying to kill him. The words come easier when Halt talks about Caitlyn and there’s something like a smile curled on his lips, and Duncan’s heart sorta skips a beat in his chest because Oh Right, I Used To Have A Crush On This Guy And It Turns Out I Still Kinda Do!!!! And then Halt talks about how Pritchard found him and how his mentor is the only one besides his terrible family who knows the truth about him & why he left, and maybe he doesn’t say it outright but he 100% implies that Pritchard is just so important to him. Like “father that I’ve never had, except I did have a father but he sucked and Pritchard was just so much kinder & better” kind of important

I took the liberty of copy-pasting your second ask so that no one else has to wait for the rest :)

"part 2 bc that was getting long,,,, ANYWAY, so Duncan and Halt stay up a bit longer talking—they move away from Ferris’ assassination attempts and just chat about other stuff for a bit. Duncan enjoys having another person to relate to abt the tediousness & honestly? the loneliness of royal life, and Halt honestly doesn’t expect to enjoy talking to someone else this much. The only other person he’s really connected to since coming to Araluen is Crowley, but Crowley is just enough of a bastard for Halt to tolerate (and maybe even like), so it’s a surprise that the other person he can connect with is a straight-laced prince. Also Duncan’s basically like “okay so this guy is an (ex?) crown prince, he’s INSANELY skilled & actually very funny in a deadpan, sarcastic way, AND he’s helping me take back my kingdom from an evil baron....yeah I can get behind this”. So yadda yadda they get through the confrontation with Morgarath at the tournament, and, true to his word, Duncan doesn’t tell any of the others about Halt’s background. At the end of the book when Pritchard is murdered, Duncan hears about it from Baron Arald and he’s like....oh, shit. He tracks down Halt and Crowley, both of whom are appropriately enraged and grieving, and makes proper funeral arrangements for Pritchard & allows them some time off to process their grief. Afterwards he goes to Halt privately, bc now he’s the only one who knows abt Halt’s childhood & he knows Halt lost more than a dear mentor—and Halt’s in his cabin being very short-tempered and snappy with him but Duncan just sits and waits. And eventually the anger kinda drains out of Halt, and he sits down at the table w Duncan and over ale they share stories about man who’d been like a father to Halt; Duncan didn’t know him all that well, but Pritchard had been around the castle enough when Duncan was a child for him to remember some of the chaos the man had caused. Halt tells a tale or two of his own and explains, a lottttt later when he’s drunker than he should be in front of the almost-king, that Pritchard had saved his life—they’d met while Halt was still at the castle and Pritchard had taught him how to swim some months before Ferris tried to drown him. But it was more than that, Halt tells him, it was so much more than that. Pritchard had been a safe haven, had given him refuge, had given him hope when he needed it most. And now he was gone and Halt was just..... he doesn’t finish the sentence but Duncan nods and says “I know”. Because yeah, he does know. And they sit in silence for a while longer, not as an (almost) King and Ranger but as two men who know what it’s like to be alone.

And now they don’t have to be!!! AND THIS ONLY COVERED THE FIRST TEY BOOK I have,,,, so many more things to say about these two but I THINK this has gotten long enough so 💀 I’ll leave this here. Ty for listening to my rant abt medieval middle-aged gays :D (also disclaimer: at this point, I think Duncan would be more or less the only one with some developing romantic feelings. But then again this only covers the first book, so Halt’s own revelation would come later)"

ANON YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Their dynamic is indeed just that. Duncan recognising him out of the blue and Halt having to physically shut him up? Legendary. Duncan feeling his crush return? Amazing.

I never thought about Duncan and Halt relating about royal life but it makes so much sense??? especially just talking about the lessons and the trouble having friends etc etc. The resulting whole no-longer-alone thing has me *this* close to tears. Duncan then tracking down Halt -- he 11/10 w o u l d. Halt being angry and then just almost sobbing while Duncan has no idea wtf he should do but the fact that he's there and he's listening means everything to Halt.

Anon, I have absolute 0 regrets unleashing this. Awfully bold of you to assume that it'll get annoying. You fully got me now, I'm shipping them hard. I'm invested. Please do elaborate whenever you wish. I will gladly listen to more rants about medieval middle-aged gays. Go ahead.

[jae-canikeepyou]

| kismet | j.jh | part two

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 10k+

summary: his parents sends him for a month long vacation to the country side to meet his other half, which so happens to be you. and alternatively, your beloveds asks of you to be in your best behaviour while he’s around. disliking how things turn out, you both come up with a pact with each other before your two families gathers together for christmas eve dinner.

genre: arranged marriage + bad 1st impressions

a/n: this is not proofread and i apologise for any mistakes :p here’s the next one and i hope you look forward to the final soon! enjoy reading! ~j

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| part one | part three (final) |

it was another morning johnny saw you and jaehyun arguing at a distance by the stables. be it inaudible yelling or actions that seemed exaggerated, this time it was a sight that was a little worth seeing. so he walked closer to hear this quarrel.

“you didn’t check the horses’ conditions yet? it’s been a few days and i told you to memorise the schedule!” you flipped through pages roughly that they nearly tore. “it’s your job! you’re the ‘vet’!”

“what? you never gave me any schedule to begin with!” jaehyun groaned then sat back on the hammock to rest and you were trying to get him back up on his toes. “and what if i just want to take a day off today? you can’t force me!”

“check the animals jaehyun. that’s an order.” you sighed, writing down notes to keep updated with the stocks and materials. “i have some things to do—”

“like what? practicing and riding?” he asked and you didn’t answer. “thought so. you rarely do things around here and you still brag about how accomplished you feel.” he scoffed and laid back down on the hammock. “i’m the one doing the work..” he mumbled until it was inaudible for you.

ouch that hit the mark. johnny could see your cheeks bubbling up and eyebrows narrowing at jaehyun’s comment. of course he wouldn’t know that because you usually do not deal with the hard work around the farm. the only job you work hard for was horse riding. you had a reputation to hold as you were the daughter of a renowned family.

jaehyun took a huge inhale as he swung himself like a mother did to lull a child. he sung to annoy you even more and with the ruffles from the papers in your hands, johnny could tell his friend was satisfied making you mad. you bit your hairtie between teeth, tying your hair up into a high ponytail and rolling up your sleeves until the elbows.

he was indeed a huge man, you grabbed the edge of the cloth and pulled him as high as you could. he fell miserably to the hard soil. “ow quit it y/n!” he stood up to dust the impossible dirt from his pants. “you’re just sensitive because what i said is actually true! i’ll get back to work if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he fixed his coat and head straight inside the stables.

you crossed your arms and tried your best to hold your changing expression. “talk about sensitive! you can’t even withstand heavy workload!”

“mentally i can but i’m not physically ready! i didn’t sign up to be your pawn so stop acting like a queen and actually help out!” he grabbed the hay and scattered them in the horses’ place.

the audacity- the fall from three days ago still had an impact on you. “didn’t you hear what i said? i have things to do! now continue that. i have to answer this call..” you sounded irritated and soon your voice sounding further away the more you spoke. jaehyun saw you answering the ringing phone, taking it from you.

before you could, you were draped on his shoulder as if you were a towel. “i won’t take that as an excuse, y/n! you’re coming with me!” he forcibly took the phone off your hands and threw it far.

defeated and exhausted to talk back, you tapped his back because fear was slowly consuming you due to your shoulder pain. “you’re buying me another phone! put me down jaehyun! my back still hurts!” you hit his hips and expected he wouldn’t listen but,

he did as you were told.

“you’re forgetting your condition number one!” jaehyun pointed his temples as anger became visibly seen on his face. “you said ‘you’ll do the work for me and with me’, and they go together!” he threw a small sack of hay to you.

“you’re being an ass because i invaded your day-off!” you stomped to the next horse.

“tsk, i don’t think i can continue this with you! you‘re ruining my well-being every single day!”

“the jeong jaehyun can’t stand arguments?” you tilted your head in frustration and nodded at his silence. “thought so. this is part of the pact you suggested and i’m just simply following it! so if there’s anything, you’re the weak one here!”

from afar, johnny was taken aback behind the fences.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the kitchen was quiet, the grandfather clock ticking away time and as each second passed, so did your patience. daylight met its end. it was day 14 and your mother asked you to give jaehyun the lesson he wanted to have— bread making. you forgot about it, and jaehyun probably did too because despite staying over for ‘vacation’, every day you either saw him with his friends goofing around the barn or him superglued to his school work.

yet now you were close to smashing his face into the mountain of flour he carefully, and slowly built. mark did a better job despite being clumsy. you can handle clumsy, but you couldn’t handle people with top perfection in their ego, a.k.a., jaehyun.

his dimples were hollowing as he looked intently at the numbers on the scale, waiting for that specific and exact digit to appear with a spoonful of melted butter. “oh my g- you’re wasting time!” you grabbed the spoon and put everything into the bowl. “0.1 or 0.2 grams makes no difference! hurry up and mix the dry to the wet ingredients!”

“i was nearly done with the measurements but you had to dump everything in there!” still he stirred them in a bowl with a whisk anyway. “you’re the impatient one!” he carried the bowl and placed it between his arm and waist, subtly asking johnny to film him.

“uhm what do i do after they’re incorporated?” mark interrupted the heated conversation. so far he was careful and observant with your every move. “do i knead it?”

“after twenty minutes.” you smiled at him. this was great; mark actually made your day at least, a lot better than jaehyun did. “resting it will let the flour hydrate. the milk will be absorbed and the gluten will relax too.”

mark snapped his fingers as he tore a plastic wrap to place on the bowl. “that makes it easier to knead right?”

for a moment you felt like a proud mom. “mhm, you’re learning! you’re originally not my student today but you’re doing a better job than—”

the bowl jaehyun was using fell to the floor. to make it worse it was upside-down, that meant all work done had gone to waste. the dough wasn’t close to incorporated. “..him.”

“crap.” jaehyun swore under his breath. his lashes slowly lifted. “my bad. i don’t mind starting again. i can handle my next batch.”

and though they were pretty, your disappointment came through your sigh. “goodness jaehyun. things are never right with you. i’ll clean this up. we ran out of eggs and milk so you have to go to the farm and get some.” you pulled mark’s arm aside as you began to clean. “mark you can chill for a while.”

jaehyun untied his apron and went out with a bucket, mumbling and complaining to himself at exasperating you were so early in the morning.

johnny then followed him. the pact he heard lingered in his head and thought this would be the right time to ask. “i can do the milking myself john.” he opened the gate to the cattle.

“i know. but that’s not why i came along.” johnny put his camera aside. “you and y/n.. made a pact?” with that question out and jaehyun dropped the bucket, johnny figured that what he heard days ago could be true.

“what?” jaehyun turned on his heel, confused, trying not to sound or look surprised. “why would i make a pact with someone so ill-mannered as her? she’s not worth my time or even interests me.” he affirmed with subtle shaky eyes. “the only pact i know is this marriage our parents put us into.

johnny thought for a while, looking at jaehyun who grew clueless the minute passed. he guessed he was wrong. “n-nothing. i’m probably hearing things. or jumbling scenarios because i’ve been watching too many movies this holiday season. i’m sorry dude.”

deep inside jaehyun let out a sigh of relief, but anger was starting to boil at how careless you were for slipping out. he continued to milk the cows and retrieve a couple of eggs before hearing you call them from the house. “oh my g- she’s screaming again-” he scoffed and tried to walk faster. “i can’t just run i might spill the milk bucket!”

“there’s this thing called speedwalking!” you yelled. “try doing that!”

“you always argue with her. aren’t you both tired?” johnny took huge leaps to escape the cold.

“she isn’t, i am. imagine the amount of stress i get the moment i open my eyes in the morning.” jaehyun vouched and shivered at the thought of it.

johnny opened the door and the warmth met their skin. “sure but when you do bump heads, there’s always a smile on your face after you state your point. i never seen you in a good mood since you and sue broke up. i can take that smile of yours a sign.” johnny noted what he’d been seeing.

“it’s a victor’s smile. it means i win the argument.”

they both entered the house and to find you still teaching mark. jaehyun placed the bucket down and rested on the sofa after being told he could use the kitchen once you were finished. trying to keep warm, jaehyun gave small glimpses of you as he wondered when it would be the right time to tell you about what johnny told him. and because he felt johnny tailing him from behind, he wanted your lesson to be over quick.

“i’m thinking it’s a sign that you have feelings for y/n.”

jaehyun batted his lashes. “no no no. i don’t fall in love that easily. there’s nothing attractive about her and i told you i’m not marrying someone like her, with bad attitude and all—”

“and still you tease her for fun? that’s like a cover-up to hide how you actually feel. you may not see that but in another’s eyes, it means something.” johnny clicked the buttons on his camera, rewatching the videos he took.

“are you throwing the ‘i tease her because i like her’ kind of ego? you know i argue with her because i hate her.” he hissed, flipping his laptop open to double check his reports.

the blonde hair boy shook his head with a growing grin of disbelief. “i’m not. my point is, it wouldn’t hurt to try to know her for who she is.” johnny’s lips flatlined when his eyes trailed to your approaching figure. “who knows maybe she’s trying as well and never really got the chance to- yeah i know y/n he’s all yours now.”

unfolding your arms you playfully hit his back with pressed lips. “shut it johnny. just help the baby lion with the cleaning, he’s not really good at it.”

you sat on the sofa, circling your shoulder to ease the pain before leaning back. “ugh. kneading the bread made it worse.”

with the frequent complaints coming from you, he couldn’t concentrate proof-reading his work. it made jaehyun unzip his coat, fishing something from inside and handed a box to you. bothered with how you hesitated to get it, he grabbed your wrists and placed it on your palms. “take it. it helps me a lot too whenever i cram.” did he just.. smile? it was subtle but you were sure he did.

a swarm of guilt started to form at the pit of your stomach. it wasn’t that you thought he partially blamed himself for the fall at the barn house, but because he actually cared when the fall wasn’t even the ultimate reason why your shoulder suffered in the first place. he had no knowledge and still doesn’t. and it was kind of frustrating to think you couldn’t begin that topic.

your heart now was experiencing somersaults. you asked yourself: why? sure he’s handsome and got built, but at this moment why are you all flimsy and speechless? “so you do have a heart for people.” you opened the box of the patch’s packaging.

“i was expecting a ‘thank you’ but i guess with that you’re taking back your words.” he grinned as he typed on.

you snorted as you put your legs up. “hmpf, aren’t you assumi- ow.” you touched your forehead where the pain stung.

“shut up, i’m reading.” jaehyun stressed in a low voice.

“reading what?” you scooted in closer, and jaehyun surprisingly let you see what it was rather than snapping at you. you squinted at the screen and nodded. “equine studies..” you read out softly, that seemed to be a report he worked on in his early years. “isn’t it mandatory for you to study it?”

jaehyun’s scrutinizing gaze caught you off guard, making you clamp your lips to keep quiet. he sighed and continued to read as if you didn’t exist. “i thought you weren’t interested in my field of study.” his brows drew together at your curiosity despite remembering how you did say it clearly.

quickly you tear the patch’s plastic to break the awkward silence you brought upon and let out a soft chuckle of shame. “i’m asking because it’s equine related and i wanna learn. plus i’m too tired to pick up a fight with you so teach me everything you know.”

“i don’t even know if you’d get it in one night- fine. it’s mandatory but i only learnt the basics. i’m not specialising in it or anything so don’t expect much.” jaehyun stared at the screen yet feeling your presence so close kind of pressured him, and he didn’t know why.

“basics like checking the heart, respiratory rate, temperature and hydration status?” you hugged your legs together after placing the patch behind you. “hm.. that’s kinda simple.”

jaehyun clicked his tongue. “that’s the general checking for an animal’s condition, used for emergency access and such. we were given an understanding of veterinary anatomy—”

“which includes learning principles in developmental anatomy in gross, microscopical and ultrastructural levels. learn all these then you can focus on organs to give a physical and radiological diagnosis with the physiology and anatomy as bases—” you finished his sentence, soon shutting up as you got carried away.

his mouth agaped in shock and in strangeness of your interest. he checked your forehead to see if you were in the right mind. “did you read it out from a book or something? and what’s up with you and scientific terminology? you’re supposed to be hating on big words.”

you wondered why his comment hurt you. did he assume you were uneducated? at this point you thought deeply that secrets were meant to be kept. and they were only to be revealed by two ways; one was heard by others, and two was at your will.

“why are you so quiet now?” he laughed, scrolling down at endless of documented pages. “are you experiencing brain fart after that long sentence of sophisticated vocabulary?”

this was far from assumption. this was plain mockery. and it hurt. you hit him on the arm a little more violent and forceful than the usual, and bite back your lips. “it’s not because i’m dumb. i know these because i’ve been there.” you stood up and grabbed the box he gave you. “thanks for this anyway. good night.”

“hey you don’t have to hit me!” jaehyun paused for a second, he had difficulties processing your sudden outburst. he mumbled to himself, “why is she offended when i’m the one who got hit..”

mark happily came out of the kitchen with a freshly baked bread in his hands. “y/n! i’m done with the bread and it smells soooo good- jaehyun, where is she?” the younger one put down the tray.

he sighed and gestured confusingly. “i don’t know she probably went to sleep.”

“man i wanted her to try it.”

“she can try tomorrow. anyway i’m gonna take a shower.” jaehyun turned off his laptop and headed straight to the bathroom.

but before he could have his relaxation, hendery stood against the opposing wall with arms crossed. “can we talk?” he tilted his head, asking to sit at the veranda with him.

they sat at the table set with hendery pouring cups of hot tea. jaehyun took it in his hands, eyes meeting your childhood friend’s as he brushed his hair up. “i kind of wanna tell you something. it’s not my position but i feel like you deserve to know.” that made jaehyun’s mind questioning more. “i overheard you and y/n talking.”

jaehyun frowned at the very recent event, something he found rude from your action. “yeah? she reacted so much and hit me just because i teased her a little. might’ve taken it too seriously but she should know i was joking about her not knowing-”

hendery looked at the dusk distance. “m’lady loves animals more than anything, and for a long time veterinary science is something close to her heart too.”

jaehyun gulped in full on revelation. that was why you reacted. he realised the reason why you hated him in the first place wasn’t only because he was the one you were to marry, but because he was the person who was currently studying the course you’ve always wanted to take.

“she was supposed to take it in college but due to unfortunate circumstances she couldn’t continue. there’s family issue and she had an accident-”

what accident? jaehyun for the first time in other’s eyes, showed worry and curiosity. and his raise in brows cause hendery to realise he missed out an important detail.

“ah you haven’t met mr. y/l/n yet, right?” hendery asked as he sipped on his tea. “he’s busy right now because he’s always out of town but he’s the one y/n’s having issues with.”

“i’m guessing her father opposed to the idea of her becoming a vet?”

hendery shook his head. “he didn’t oppose. in fact he allowed y/n once we graduated high school. she got enrolled to the first semester and was doing well until she had little time to no practice for her semi-finals at cross country at all. mr. y/l/n is a horse riding coach so he’s especially strict with y/n. let’s say their arguments started from there.”

though he didn’t ask parts of your personal life, hearing all these news stunned jaehyun. there was only one thing he wanted to ask: what caused your accident? “how did she do with vet science?”

“she managed and had no fails.” hendery had a brief proud smile. “sadly mr. y/l/n didn’t find it impressive, because he really thought his daughter would be an equestrian like him. y/n hoped he’d be understanding but yeah anyway, you get the gist from there.”

“if it ever crosses her mind, we’ll see if she does. i’ll head inside for a shower. thanks for letting me know.” jaehyun had his palms on the knob, turning around one last time to confirm something. “was the accident, bad?”

“not as life threatening, but it was enough to traumatise her.” hendery picked up the plates and cups. “she.. still hasn’t recovered.”

he stared back at the young lad’s expression, and he could tell hendery has been looking after you ever since. maybe it was better if he hadn’t asked.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you still shook your legs after hendery warned you of your decency and image, saying that that action was his pet peeve. but really, it was just an excuse to save himself from you due to the fact he said that shaking legs while thinking wasn’t ladylike at all. you couldn’t keep yourself in one place, pacing back and forth in the barn with marg eyeing you since it already been long you did so. “sis.” she cleared her throat and you stopped being jittery with biting your fingers. “what’s up with you?”

“nothing.” you lied, an uneasy feeling began to build up in your chest as the man you despise gently held the horses’ manes. “i’m fine, just thinking.”

jaehyun did the final checks for your horses’ health conditions and to be brutally honest not only did you find him surprisingly quiet, he was rather kind and collected for four days now. he even taught you some veterinary related topics in which you were surprised he was willing to teach. maybe he took your subtle request when you wanted to learn anything he knew about equine medicine. perhaps he wanted a break from all negativity when it came to you. in fact he did mention he couldn’t continue arguing anymore.

and in those four days it got you thinking about the pact. you had a week left and you weren’t sure if you convinced your family or jaehyun’s friends enough to call off the marriage. yes you’ve been at each other’s nerves for small arguments and there were times you forget about it too because the way you both fought was so natural. however today was just too quiet, like he was stopping the fights on purpose and for what reason exactly?

marg slid next to you when you went out for fresh air, nudging you by the waist with hers. “obvious again.”

“w-what?” you widened your eyes, earning a sly grin from your sister. “obvious about what?”

“your heart is on your sleeves. i can see it. the others might do too. so tell me, do you like jaehyun?” she crossed her arms, her grin widening when you began to be jittery again.

“ha?! no!” you stuttered and lied, and you knew marg’s claims hit the nail.

because not only did the past four days of not talking with jaehyun had a toll on your pact, but it definitely had on your heart. there were a total of four things you discovered about him.

1. jaehyun was a fast learner. he learned to clean horse hooves, saddle them and even did carpentry in one day.

2. he had humour but no one really acknowledged it, and appeared a little dorky to you.

3. his dimples were actually cute and has a vampire smile.

4. he really did have a heart for people too. you saw how he helped out your family whenever you were absent.

sometimes these traits softened you, and sometimes you wanted to at least be his friend. but you weren’t close to being one because the pact clearly prevents you to and in the end, it was better off that way. marg held your shoulder. “i know you fight a lot but that’s when the developing starts.” she paused, looking back at the barn. “jaehyun seems alright but you’re really being too obvious.”

“again, obvious about what? i hate it when you’re so vague stating your point.”

“if you wanna talk with him just do it.” she turned around a little to see the said man removing his gloves. “i noticed you’re both distant. it’s been four days so i’m guessing you’re not used to not fighting him. you tend to miss whatever you both stopped doing.”

you pinched her cheek. “do you even know how mentally draining it is to reason out with him?” you darted a gaze at her before a weight was put upon your head. it wasn’t that long for you to realise it was jaehyun. gosh how irritating. you even recognised the perfume he wore.

“i know exactly how that feels, marg.” jaehyun winked at her. “can’t mess with this one,” he messed your hairdo. “she’s feistier than most animals i’ve encountered.”

his giggle of pride echoed in your ears and you thought you were able to tolerate his reply but no. whether he was doing his part for the pact or not, whether he was enjoying this or not, he became more of a jerk the longer he stayed here.

“i’ll leave you two to talk. the light in y/n’s eyes changed when you arrived- ah!” she held her arm as you pushed her aside, and she was proudly walking away with what she had done.

jaehyun shoved his hands in pockets as he gestured you to follow him into the barn. it was only the two of you now while the rest surveyed other parts of the land with hendery. he held jet’s reins, usually your horse would react whenever strangers would. not to jaehyun, shockingly. you bit your lips in wonders what this man had in his mind.

“i just checked him like you taught me. he’s dehydrated.” he pinched a part of its skin close to the mane. “you practiced this morning right? didn’t give him water?”

“i gave him enough.” you unlocked the gate to jet, soon petting him. you couldn’t help but feel immense awkwardness. “did his skin snap back?”

“not as fast as i expected but he needs a little more fluids to keep the levels normal.” jaehyun wrote down numbers before handing your notebook to you, and you thought today was going to pass again without progress for the pact. “i’m gonna walk around for a bit. later.”

“hey.” you called out perhaps a little too rudely and instead of talking things through. he stopped in his tracks. “setting the vet thing aside, aren’t you being too quiet right when we have a week left? it’s been four days and by now some of them might notice the sudden silence. did you forget about the pact?” you asked, not knowing why you were fuming all of a sudden.

maybe it was because he was only staring at you. or that marg’s obversation was slowly getting to you and convincing that her hunch about you was right. “you’re a jerk when i met you but you’re even more so nowadays.”

jaehyun turned around with pursed lips, he didn’t like how you always assumed, especially giving him nicknames in which his friends also have gotten used to calling him those. “me? a jerk? i’m doing all i can to stop this marriage because we both know how it feels to be controlled.”

his answer only made you laugh. “ha you don’t know anything about me, jaehyun. if you’re actually doing something why haven’t you done anything then? you’re being careless-”

he brushed his hair & wore his cap backwards. “it’s not about if i’ve done something! y/n it’s about what you did!” jaehyun pulled you to a corner in caution if anyone heard him. “you were loud and careless! last week johnny asked me if we made a pact because he heard you mentioning it! i assure you he has a mind i still couldn’t understand and he’s probably trying to connect the dots now-”

“wai- you’re saying he knows about it and you’re only telling me now?!” you slammed jet’s gate, your eyes fixed him. “you could’ve told me right then and we could’ve solved this as soon as possible! how much do you think he knows?”

jaehyun slowly rubbed his face, shook his head and shrugged shoulders. “i don’t know! but you know what happens when he figures out we’re arguing for show? he’ll tell everyone we did that because we’re against this marriage! and in the end? we’ll be stuck with each other for life-”

“ugh don’t even tell me about it i couldn’t even stand the sight of you!” you wrapped yourself more in your coat, stomping straight outside and ignoring his reactions towards you.

“why are you like this when it’s clearly your fault?!” he quickly grabbed your shoulders to forcibly turn you around. “i’m telling you and you’re so reactive about it?”

you pointed at his chest. “no! it’s your fault for not telling me sooner!”

“oh so now it’s my fault? y/n look at yourself! can’t you see that someone impudent like you can cause troubles even for a slightest bit! you’re at fault!”

impudent?.. this was all too familiar and nostalgic.

jaehyun then closed his eyes at the stinging pain in the groin. “ugh what the hel-”

“you deserve that-”

right when that felt good and you wanted to hit him more, you were yanked backwards by a force. you fought back the arms restraining you. “y/n stop!”

“let me go wong kunhang! this jerk needs a lesson!” you growled in his arms, shimmying your body through them.

hendery reminded you of your shoulder and soon you stopped. “i’m sure that kick was enough for a lesson and calm down, will you?”

“jae you alright?” johnny helped him up. “hope it’s not too injured because you still need that for reproduction-”

“seriously? now’s not the time.” jaehyun glared at him then to you, you were now like deer in the headlights with his stare. “this is why i can’t stand you.”

mark, hendery and johnny looked at each other trying to figure what had happened. “what were you two arguing about?” hearing hendery ask, you tugged on your coat once he let go of you. “we heard her yelling that she couldn’t stand the sight of you and then you’re both blaming each other.”

you hesitatingly looked down to your boots, avoiding their curious gazes. fidgety as you knew you were, you tried not to respond. they heard from that far of our conversation.. oh my go-

as if jaehyun could read your mind, he cleared his throat. “it’s nothing. y/n’s just stubborn as usual. she doesn’t want to admit her fault when i told her jet’s dehydrated. guess she didn’t want to look irresponsible.”

“classic y/n.” your cheeks suffered from hendery’s squeezing palms. “how many times do i have to tell you to behave? c’mon you’re better than this.”

jaehyun sighed in relief that they were convinced with his reasoning.

jet’s snout poked your arm and exhaled, you cursed under your breath for not locking the gate. “then you should know why i’m like this.” you reiterated with a flat smile. “i’m gonna go to the bar for a drink. don’t bother me.”

“oh then we’re coming with! mark! you’re driving!” johnny pulled the boys into jaehyun’s car. “this hurt dude needs cheering up after you nearly ended his career for having kids.”

“maybe it’s better off that way?” you grinned with a tattling tone.

“i hate you so-” jaehyun barked before his voice was shut off by the car door. his expression became funnier with how the vehicle muted his voice.

jet and cash trotted slowly to let the car go first, hendery rode ahead of you as you followed him. beside the roadside was fields of green, laying flat with new flowers that have yet to bloom. by now the horses were galloping alongside the car, you could feel jaehyun shooting daggers at you. the joy to horse ride diminished when you took a glimpse of him pointing at you, sliding his clenched fist from left to right and pointing at his chest.

you’re dead to me. he spoke with his eyes. and you could hear his annoying voice in your head.

you flicked the reins to ride faster, passing hendery and cash. reaching the bar first would make you feel better and it would at least let the neighbourhood know you weren’t hanging out with boys like him. you soon unmounted yourself from jet and led him to an area where he could stay.

the bell chimed and you raised your hand for a simple mocktail. funny how you told the boys you’d be here for a drink yet didn’t plan to get drunk. you sat by the bartender’s while you saw them entering and sat at one table by the window. honestly you could’ve went elsewhere instead but this bar was the closest from home. and right now you really needed to clear your mind.

to clear your mind from jaehyun because you knew he’d be the death of you.

—

and how you ended up on the same table with them was too hazy for you to recall.

“i was like, singing my heart out at one karaoke place after i was rejected from the coffee shop i applied to. then the girl of my dreams had appear while i was all sweaty and sloppy and i was shirtless! it was really-” johnny spoke too fast for you to hear and curled his fingers remembering it.

“second hand embarrassment was too much at that point.” jaehyun chuckled and sipped on his glass.

“but john, you got her to say yes even though you’re high and wild.” mark raised his palm for a fistbump.

mark turned to you. “y/n what’s something you couldn’t forget?”

you smiled slyly towards your childhood friend and hendery’s panicked face resurfaced with begging hands. you feel yourself going tipsy but went for storytelling anyway. “this previous halloween i forced hendery to dress as rapunzel because i wanted to dress as pascal.”

mark let out a contagious laugh which had everyone giggling too. you brought out your cracked screen phone which jaehyun broke and showed a picture of you on a piggyback ride with hendery. the said man cowered himself from the compliments and while you continue to keep him in the spotlight. jaehyun found it unbelievable that you were quickly switched from cranky to giggly when drunk.

“here’s the awesome part,” you slurred your words with hiccuped breaths. “around nine guys asked me to ask for his number and i gave it to them! he was that hot! i could never compete!”

jaehyun oddly cackled out loud and you all turned heads to him. “of course you could never! i mean look at you!”

his friends raised brows as jaehyun was enjoying this a little too much. perhaps taking advantage of your drunken self. “you dress weird and your hair’s a mess. you’re always rude and sometimes smelling like a horse. by the way that’s such a turn off to guys like us. like do you even bathe-”

you were definitely tipsy but you understood his words clear enough to feel a wave of emotions blanket over you. forgotten memories began play in your head and began to sulk.

“yeah i know i’m like this and so what if i’m plain and ordinary?” you whined and the boys held their breaths.

“my parents think i couldn’t take care of myself after i dislocated my shoulder at cross-country.” jaehyun heard you.

“because of that they started to pair me with accomplished men they think could give me a better life. so i misbehave every time they bring a suitor over.” you propped elbows on the table and glared at jaehyun. “you’re the fifth and before you arrived i lied to mom and dad that i recovered, hoping they’d stop and leave me alone but nope! they think you’re the one-”

hendery managed to catch your collapsed body from falling. he let out a soft laugh. “mhm, she spills a little too much when she’s drunk-”

you covered his lips and did several clicks of your tongue. “i’m tipsy! not drunk but tipsy! are you spilling tea about my life to that jerk?”

he scoffed lightly. “of course not! i didn’t tell him anything.” he lied.

you pinched his cheek. “i doubt it. you’re a talkative donkey! they should cast you to be part of shrek musical next fall!” you giggled and tried to keep yourself awake from all that drowsiness. your eyes dropping to slumber.

“m’lady.” he fixed you on his side and you were now carried on his back. “jaehyun doesn’t know a thing.” he cooed, giving jaehyun a wink to zip his mouth shut regarding the topic.

small sobs began to bubble out from you, you clung onto hendery. “ah jaehyun? you know that jerk called me impudent? he said i always cause troubles but what choice to i have? i don’t want to be betrothed!” you wailed and mark and johnny raised brows at jaehyun as soon as you said it. “hendery he called me impudent! he’s just like dad and i hate them both!” you leaned on his shoulders.

“but do you really hate jaehyun?” johnny smirked as he enjoyed how open you were compared to being sober. jaehyun noticed where this was going and tried to stop him but the tall lad shushed him when you spoke.

“yes!” you slurred with a lopsided smile and narrow brows, which looked strange as they couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing.

“i hate him because he’s so prideful! ‘jeong jaehyun, veterinary medicine student’ my butt. i should’ve been one too but daddy said no.” you pout, soon knocking out. “i hate how.. handsome that jerk looks-”

your friend hopped slightly and quickly got out of the bar so you wouldn’t cause a scene any further. “i’ll bring her to my place, it’s just a block from here. you guys can go ahead.” he told the guys to call it a night. “i’ll take jet and cash to my stables at home. see y’all tomorrow.”

they got on the car and started the engine. jaehyun read the atmosphere among them, he fixed the front mirror and saw mark and johnny with questioning looks. “what?”

“did you really call y/n impudent?” mark played with the buttons of the window.

jaehyun stepped on the pedal to head to your place. his friends bombarded him with what if’s and was too tired to respond. but just to shut them up, he replied.

“i was angry when i said that. i didn’t really mean-”

“do you think she meant it when she said you’re handsome?” johnny asked to cut off the weird vibe lingering while mark propped his fists to rest.

“she’s drunk. not like she can remember it anyway.” jaehyun clenched on the wheel.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you woke up in hendery’s bed with a tray of breakfast on his desk table. you slid it towards yourself to eat when a folded paper fell from underneath.

i saw jaehyun at the grocery store earlier, he asked me to pass this breakfast to you. also! he said he’ll be at the barn’s loft. now go meet him. ~hendery

great, he pissed you off yesterday and he was the last person you wanted to see today. what was his plan now? he prepared breakfast and yet what was the use of eating the meal when it has gone cold? you tied your hair to a top bun and wore your glasses, quickly grabbing your coat, onto to jet’s back and went to the barn.

the sun’s heat was enough to make you warm on the way there. jaehyun swung his legs while he waited. he stared at the ground when a shadow appeared, you stood at the entrance asking him to come down.

he did that, but there was a different air around him. it was the same air as those four days of silence between the two of you. “at least you’re not late.” he slid his palms into his back pockets.

“did you want to talk to me about something?” you asked with a slice of bread in your mouth. he nodded with intense eyes. “then make it quick. i have to make my rounds-”

“i’ll go with you.” jaehyun suggested and you choked on your bread.

“what?” you gulped on the huge piece stuck in your throat and stopped him from walking. “why not tell me now?”

he pulled you to jet’s stall and pushed your back to mount on the saddle. “‘cause it’s better if they don’t see us talking normally when we’re supposed to be at each other’s throats.”

he’s definitely up to something..

jaehyun rode a bike, leading you and jet through woods and up on a hill where its summit towers part of your family’s lands. from here you could see your house and tiny figures you assumed were his friends. you haven’t gotten a clue why jaehyun was being nice again. and if he was, why today? why bring you all the way here to have this conversation? you couldn’t think of anything at all and maybe you should’ve eaten the meal he prepared for you.

when the winds blew, jaehyun spoke in a soft voice. he was awkward, you could tell that, but what he did was something you didn’t expect. he leaned back with his palms on the grass. “i’m sorry i called you names.”

hm.. you better be.

that apology alone pierced your heart, in a good way. if he was tired from all the negativity and endless banters, so were you. it had been fifteen days after all. maybe this was a cool break before continuing with the pact. “which ones?” you copied his position and counted your fingers one by one. “there’s ugly.. shorty.. lazy ass.. a no brainer-”

“i didn’t call you tha-” he paused, his lips forming an ‘o’ until he pursed them together seeing you mimic him on his laptop. “right. i implied it when you wanted me to teach you equine studies. anyway the bottom point is, i’m sorry for calling you impudent.”

you chuckled, but to him it sounded more of a scoff. “haven’t heard that in ages. never expected i’d hear that again.” you looked at him, he did too, there was a stare down before you spoke again.

“but yeah. i guessed you did that to fulfill your part for the pact. the guys were probably nearby and you thought of that to spark up the conversation. are we done?”

jaehyun rested his arm on his knees. “no that’s not what i meant- i’m being sincere here.”

“okay? then tell me what’s on your mind. you brought me up here. it’s gotta be something worth my time.”

“i feel like the pact just brings the worse out. and whenever it does, i don’t feel myself anymore. like this is not me.”

he picked up a dandelion, letting the wind take its soft pieces. he wished his feelings weren’t easily swayed like the flower’s petals. he knew he was easily hotheaded, stubborn and mr. perfect, but should he always be like these?

“then who is the real you?” you caught some flying pieces of the flower before looking back at him for answers.

“a studious douche who got his heart broken by his ex.” he shrugged and waited for your bicker, but you sat there with shocked eyes and struggled to find what to say. “yeah, in case you’re still surprised, i do have a heart for people.”

“i heard you.” you flicked his temple.

he held back fists from hitting back. “hey why’d you hit me?”

“it’s my way of being affectionate.” you laid on the grass and while he copied, you thought that jaehyun had a point, how the pact seemed a good approach yet with deteriorating results.

“by being violent?” jaehyun moaned as he asked. “ever thought that a pat in the back would be better?”

you glared at him. “let’s continue what we’re doing with another condition.. no personal or evil intentions whatsoever, or maybe a slight hint that we’d start dissing. we’re doing this for ourselves and..” you cleared your throat. “..helping out a friend.”

it made total sense, because he knew how much of an effect it did when the purpose of the pact was done unconsciously and naturally. he let out a tight and breathless sigh between his lips. “i’m your friend? after calling you all that?”

“i just needed something to describe you. would calling you a douche make you feel better after you apologised?” you stood up and headed downhill.

“well you did call me ‘handsome’ last night.” jaehyun singsonged and carefully walked down the stoned steps.

you froze at how stupid and blabbermouth you could be whenever you went to the bar. “i don’t remember, since i’ve been studying the things you taught me.”

“you can ask the others if you think i’m lying.”

“y’know what? i take back the condition i said.” you quickly hopped on jet to head back. “don’t bother me!”

“what do you mean studying? you’re planning to pursue vet sci? hey!”

“yeah.” you made jet walk in circles around the confused man, and your one-word response had jaehyun confirming you already decided to tell your father about it.

and it’d be on christmas eve too.

—

for almost half an hour marg couldn’t contain her feelings after you told her what had happened. marg squealed and you quickly covered her mouth since the door wasn’t entirely closed. she squeezed the pillow and hid herself behind it.

“he apologised?! such a gentleman! i mean mark didn’t really tell me the details but jaehyun really felt guilty?” she put the pillow down and crawled next to you on your bed.

as to why she reacted this way remained unclear to you, you figured it was probably she watched too many rom-coms with johnny in the past few days. “i admit, it was considerate of him to do that. but it doesn’t prove he’s already a good man.” you fixed your files and past researches of veterinary science. “sometimes an apology isn’t enough.”

your sister nudged you in a force causing you to stumble in your stance. “ey you’re too mean. him apologising is already enough of a sign that he’s a good one, and raised well.”

“i don’t know marg.” you slumped on your bed. “my head’s hurting because of him.”

she raised a brow and gave you a teasing look. “by thinking of him or he just couldn’t get out of your head?” she kicked her feet to escape your balling fists.

“why are you reacting if it’s not true?!” her giggles grew in volume as she brought out her phone record your reaction.

“get out of my room!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jaehyun walked around the mart in response to yet another order from you. it had to be a day before christmas eve too. he should be feeling the very essence of christmas and because of you, he didn’t. people who happened to pass by him swore they saw a walking corpse, while some sensed a spreading dark cloud hovering above him.

his demeanour quickly shifting and changing as if the clouds blocked his rays of sunshine. he was mumbling to himself and those who stood close by took careful small steps away from jaehyun, for he sounded like he was enchanting a spell.

he thought about it a lot— whether it there’d be a difference between the two of you if you hadn’t taken back that condition. because now that he was controlled like a pawn again, he wasn’t going to back down or lose to you. at least for the past few days since then he saw an improvement. you weren’t as violent, not a single word of hate from you nor were they intentional. it was obvious you were helping out. a small smile managed its way to resurface until he saw a reflection of himself looking like an idiot. jaehyun, you’re a fool. you shouldn’t be feeling this.

ignoring his subconscious, he turned a heel at the next grocery aisle when a voice attracted attention, at least to him it sounded like hendery. hearing your name from an unfamiliar man’s lips had him peeking secretly at a distance. “i suppose y/n’s behaving well with jaehyun?”

“better than everyone expected.” hendery followed him with hands deep in pockets. “aside their petty arguments, she gets along with him, mr. y/l/n.”

“that’s good to hear. i knew the jeong’s would never fail my expectations. their son is in vet school, yes?”

the mentioned name chilled him to the bone. he wasn’t to supposed to be feeling in this manner yet the very presence of your father already had gotten his shoes glued to the ground. hendery nodded and continued to walk along with him. “i hope he doesn’t encourage her about it too much. having y/n marry him would keep her quiet about ever continuing vet school.”

jaehyun’s back grazed the products he lightly leaning upon and stood still in his thoughts. he wasn’t the type to eavesdrop on others, let alone your family issues. although he was briefly told about your rocky relationship with your father and couldn’t hear much of the conversation, he shouldn’t care or meddle with it but.. did mr. y/l/n really think that?

and he remembered how you told him you’d pursue veterinary.

he fished for his phone with certainty that he would tell you what he had heard. he nearly dropped his phone when it rang and your name appeared as the caller. staring at it for a while, never in his life had he ever hesitated before— given that he was a straight forward person, he wanted to tell you.

and he didn’t know why he decided to keep his mouth shut and stayed behind, instead of doing the opposite. hendery noticed him beside the hundreds of chocolate chip buckets. “oh jaehyun!” he greeted, making your father turn his head around. “come here!”

jaehyun pressed his lips for being caught, steadily and unwilling to go them. he wished that now would be the appropriate time to be walking on super glue, he really didn’t have the mood to talk to your father. it wasn’t the right time as their conversation about you would probably escalate from there.

“hello mr. y/l/n, i’m-” he greeted, unknowingly staring at him longer because you were his carbon-copy.

“i know you’re jaehyun and i’ve been updated enough that i wouldn’t have to be physically at my residence to know your good qualities.”

“glad to know someone’s giving you the correct information.” jaehyun smiled, subtly gazing straight at hendery with more pressure on the tone of the name. hendery then clamped his lips to a close, regretting he should’ve minded his words carefully.

mr. y/l/n nodded with a chuckle— even hendery rarely saw him doing so, ever. and this only proved that there wouldn’t be a better groom fit for you other than the son of his childhood friends. “i like your personality. mind joining me for tea?”

jaehyun read the situation, and what your father was up to. he had to listen for another half hour even though he felt his phone continually vibrating then stopping. he knew it was you, but how could he answer when the person you grew to hate was with him at this moment? one word from him through a phone call would make you go berserk.

anyone could see that jaehyun was fighting a mental dilemma. for anyone it would be an easy question to answer; free food, you’re in. his future father-in-law asked for company, sure why not. jaehyun felt like he only one answer, and it had to be a correct one. he gulped and though he eyes wavered, he agreed anyway. “i don’t mind, but y/n would probably be moody if i don’t return immediately.”

“mhm, no worries. i won’t keep you long.” mr. y/l/n said, and jaehyun didn’t know why he had a small heart attack on what possibly could follow.

he lead him to a restaurant, hendery nudged the troubled-looking dimpled man. “sorry dude. he likes snacking on things but i’ll try to divert his attention so you can go to y/n asap.”

—

the relieved sigh didn’t last long when looked up from the ground. jaehyun spotted you crossing arms with a slight worrisome look. your fingers then pointed at the kitchen window and it looked like his soul left his body and his footsteps on the ankle-high snow. the curtains indoors brushed to one side with his parents facing back from the windowsill at the upper balcony.

his heart was beating his chest as if it wanted to go out. he planned to tell you what he and your father talked about, but in that previous hour he missed out your text messages and calls— not knowing they were that important. now he knew why they were.

you took his phone and clicked on the lock button, he didn’t check your means to reaching him. they were still in the lockscreen. “i know you’re a seenzoner but you shouldn’t ignore important calls! i was calling you an hour ago because your parents came so suddenly. did you know about their change of plans?”

he gave you other paper bag and made his way inside. “no they were supposed to arrive tomorrow.” to you jaehyun seemed grumpy for doing groceries, but it was obviously not the case when kept looking elsewhere. he bit his inner gums in question as to why he was venting out his irritation at you instead of the revelation that was told to him.

you followed him in and began bring out the items to set the remaining food on the kitchen island. something told you not to go overboard with the planned argument you had in mind, but you couldn’t handle the way he was acting now, as well as giving you the sudden silent treatment. behaving this way was such a wrong timing and you decided to cut the silence before it made you feel worse than you already were. “you good?”

“y-yeah.” he tilted down to take a quick look at you while realising lately how you hadn’t been sleeping well. the puffiness under your eyes was proof. he cleared his throat. “uh, i should be asking you but have you been studying.. lately? or have you been staying up all night?” he asked, changing the subject.

he twitched at your outburst excitement with your palms rested on his arm, shaking it vigorously. now that he reminded you, you gestured him for a whisper. “i found another way to stop this marriage without us hurting each other.”

what? his eyes grew big.

“aren’t you hurting me now?” he cleared his throat, referring to the reddening spot on his skin from your grip. he knew what you meant. he knew you’ve been sitting in your bed the whole day, reading e-books and going over past lectures documents.

“if i tell my dad that i’m pursuing vet school again, i think this time he’d let me. i’m confident because i do have a degree in equestrian sport science. imagine the benefit if have a degree in veterinary?” you opened a carton of milk to drink. “i wonder if my credits’ still applicable?”

“you sure you wanna do that?” jaehyun held the top your head, gripping it as if it were a basketball. “it’s gonna take you years to finish.”

“scared to have a competitor in the field, jaehyun?” your voice challenged him.

he wasn’t scared at all, he loved competitions as well as proving he could do things. but, he was scared for you. he knew the outcome of all this because it was already planned out. he was told by your father during tea break before he arrived here.

chills slowly went down your spine with that one, subtle, short silence from him.

“i’m not scared. it’s just that..” you shot up your head at his remark. he trailed off and shut his lips seeing your parents enter the living room with his beloveds.

“just what?” you stared at him with a long hum.

he had to lie and keep his opinions to himself. “are you able to take on hard words in that tiny brain of yours?” jaehyun scoffed, leaning in closer to provoke an argument with his hands patting your head.

“hey! you’re insulting my height, not my brain!” he heard your innocent whines as if they were precious— too precious that he wanted to protect you than to fight you; just for tonight.

and for the first time he was laughing sincerely at you.

week three had you imagining things, that he would look at you so differently. instead of horns they’d be halos, softer looks than tensed ones, and most of all you wonder what changed him within a day. it was confusing that he would show another side of him, then go back to what he was when you first met him.

but tonight? his possibility of change soon went void.

during dinner, whether or not it was right, that choice you made became one of the two things you regret to do and say. your father said his ultimatum in a low voice by the hallway, isolated from everyone enjoying the celebration.

“dad, please. i’ve done what you want. i think it’s time you’d allow me to do what i want.” you kept your head low in all hope this would be your final time to ask. “i’m successful as an equestrian, i hope to be more so as a veterinarian. please let me continue. i don’t want to get married yet-”

“still holding onto it, y/n?” he scoffed and took quick glances at his surroundings. “i’ve done everything for you to be known, raised you to be the best rider out there-”

and he too, held with the same stupid reason. “no dad! i raised myself to be the best because heavens knows how much damage it’ll cost me if i failed you-”

“this is the last time i saying it, you’re never going to be one.”

“but dad! you know how badly i want to be a vet-” you whined and hoping you wouldn’t cry because you promised yourself you wouldn’t.

“y/n you’re marrying jaehyun solely for that reason!” he whisper-yelled, making your heart squeeze tight because you could see how your complaints have pissed him off. “he seemed to be agreeing with me after i invited him for tea.” he fixed his hair.

w-what did he just say?..

he loosened the top button of his shirt; his gaze still scared you like it did that night. he held his temples to reason out with you. “discipline yourself tonight. i do not want hear anything from you about this matter ever again.” the impact of his tone shattered you. not only your mood but with how you perceived jaehyun as a whole.

you couldn’t remember much afterwards, anger roamed around your head and as much you kept your composure, jaehyun has a sharp eye. you’ve been quiet since coming from the hallway, hours have passed too since your father called you upstairs.

“are you alright?” jaehyun leaned on the refrigerator while you took some fruits from it. figured that you were completely ignoring him, he grabbed your favourite sweater to snap you out of your clouded feelings. “are we doing the pact now?”

it was getting suffocating being next to him. the audacity of what he did disgusted you. “hey tell me-”

you shut the fridge’s door with much force, held your breath and went to the sink to wash them. “i’m not doing it. and what’s there to tell you? just because i opened up to you that doesn’t mean we’re already close.” you coldly answered with a irritated look.

jaehyun was abruptly taken back, his hand let go of your clothes. “why are you’re suddenly like this?”

you began washing the apples as well as peeling their skin. “you’re not born yesterday, jaehyun. this is my usual self.”

“no y/n, i’m not talking about-”

“what the hell is your deal?” jaehyun could hear you mumble even with the loud blasting of holiday playlists.

“i just want to know if we’re starting the argument,. it seems like you’re doing your part-”

“you knew all along, didn’t you?” the sound of peeling almost excruciating to your ears but nothing more than his reaction to your question. ‘that my dad would refuse my plead.”

painful as it was, his expression changed. he was colder than the snow outside, heartless as a predator and unresponsive like a dead man. he just stared at you straight, acknowledging it with soft wavers of his brown orbs.

and that alone was enough to break you to pieces.