#ill find something new again I know but its just a lot right now

[reginamillls]

at the end of the day it's a relationship that inspired me to create again, to making edits and icons and even writing

it's the relationship that helped me get through some really hard times in my life

its the relationship I met really amazing people through who I now have the joy of calling my friends

[izvmimi]

unable to ever bask in peaceful quiet for too long, you rouse from your unintended sudden nap, where izuku holds you close with one arm to keep you from rolling from atop him to the floor, and the other hand scrolls on his phone, ever preoccupied with the latest news, considering how often it's his responsibility to deal with it. as you move, he shifts to accommodate you further, pressing a kiss to your forehead before you're fully up and looking at him.

"did you like your nap?" he asks, softly.

you didn't remember falling asleep, but it's not uncommon for you to doze off the minute you lay on top of him, and he chuckles as you mutter something about not knowing what the hell happened. but then your eyes quickly grow wide, and as if this were a normal topic of conversation to transition to upon waking, you're back to laying close on him, pressing your chin to his chest as you ask,

"how many lifetimes do you think there are where i haunt you as a ghost?"

izuku blinks rapidly, stunned by the sudden question, but you are nonchalant, your feet swinging in slow flutter kicks as you wait for him to respond. as he thinks, your fingers card gently into the curls of his hair, examining each one as if they were nothing but fine silk.

"excuse me? what exactly were you dreaming about, love?"

your eyes shift back to him. "it's not that odd of a question. what's your guess?"

his phone falls somewhere in the crevices of the couch cushions, but izuku doesn't bother to dig for it, now focused on your question.

"doesn't that involve you dying before me?"

you shrug. "yes but that's a moot point."

his eyebrows furrow together. "that's not a 'moot point', i expect there to be very few universes where you die before i do."

you roll your eyes playfully.

"what, because you'd 'never let me get harmed'?" you tease.

his lips pull into a frown, and now he's cupping your face. "are you doubting me?"

you sigh, and shake your head. "listen, there're a lot of things that could happen you'd have no control over like critical illness, a car accident, a boat capsizing-"

"you'd literally never be on a boat without me-" he interrupts.

"still not the point," you insist, pressing a finger to his lips. he pauses, but then makes a pretend motion to bite it and you retract your finger with a sharp, playful look.

he holds you tighter.

"i don't like this game," he finally says. you ponder for a moment, but his eyes are pleading for you to stop imagining your death even for a hypothetical situation, and you decide to free him from the thoughts for just a moment. laying your head against his chest again, you let your arms find their way around his waist and let out a long exhale.

"the point of it all is that i'd never let you go, okay? even if i die," you murmur into his t-shirt. you can feel the rumble of his laughter through his body so close to yours; you revel in the way he rubs your back gently, and agrees.

"same, but i don't think i'd go straight to haunting," he muses. you scoff.

"even if i immediately fall in love with someone else?" you ask.

his hand abruptly stops its petting motion.

"...never mind, i'm haunting."

you're the one to break out in laughter this time, as he peppers more kisses to the top of your head, and you continue to lay together until you fall right back asleep.

[rafeandonlyrafe]

another chance

words: 2.3k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, ex!bf rafe, female receiving oral, p in v sex, unprotected sex, drinking/partying, mentions of drugs

“have you noticed his new girl is y/n’s twin?” kelce whispers to topper, who just nods in response. rafe claims that he’s completely over you, that he’s glad you broke up with him and he’s not harboring any sort of resentment over the fact that you left him.

“its so weird.” kelce continues, taking a sip of his drink, watching as rafe holds the new girl around the waist, but he barely looks at her, like if he keeps her in his peripheral vision that he can pretend its you, instead of the first girl he found whose features resemble yours.

“hes getting fucked up all the time now too. he showed up for golf the other day completely strung out.” topper informs kelce, who frowns.

they both know that there is nothing they can do, they don’t want to force you to get back with rafe if you don’t want to, especially with the state he’s in. rafe grabs the bottle of booze he was pouring into his cup repeatedly, forgoing the plastic solo cup in favor of drinking straight out of the bottle.

“rafey, are you gonna take me up to your bed?” the girl asks, no so subtly begging to be fucked by him.

“don’t call me that.” rafe grunts. only you can call him by that nickname, even if you did break his heart.

“are you going to fuck me or not, cameron?” she questions.

“not.” rafe says honestly. he thought it would help, to get it out of his system, to take a new girl to bed, but when he tried to kiss someone at the first party he attended after you, it made him so sick he had to leave. she didn’t look like you, she didn’t smell like you, she didn’t act like you. she wasn’t what rafe wanted.

“fine, then im leaving.” the girl stomps away, like anything could compare to you leaving. rafe finishes the rest of the bottle before flopping down on the couch, letting the alcohol flowing through his system lull him into unconsciousness.

--

“you deserve to go out and party as much as he does y/n.” stephanie sighs, trying to convince you to join her tonight at the huge beach bash, but you don’t want to risk running into rafe.

“i know, i just don't want to see him with another girl.” you sigh. you may have been the one to break it off with rafe, but you weren't fully over him yet.

“maybe you need to get with one of the turons.” stephanie shrugs. “you know what they say, to get over you gotta get under…”

“that actually might not be a bad idea.” you admit. maybe it's what you need to get rafe out of your system. a random hookup with someone you'll never see again to erase the memory of his touch from your body.

“so does that mean you're coming?” stephanie asks hopefully.

you nod, already planning what you're going to where tonight. “it does.”

--

“shit, remind me to take you out for ice cream or something to thank you for convincing me to come out tonight.” you tell stephanie, stumbling away from the main dance area with your best friend.

“girl, i knew you needed this!” she exclaims, taking a sip of her cup before frowning, realizing it's empty.

“ill go get us refills, hold on.” you are a lot less drunk than stephanie, so you guide her to sit down before heading to find more alcohol to fill both your cups, wanting to enjoy tonight as much as possible.

you finally find a plastic folding table with some bottles on it, and quickly refill both your drinks before turning, gasping when you run right into someone.

“y/n.” rafe gasps out, his eyes bloodshot like he's been crying. he drops to his knees before before you, making you raise your eyebrows. “i miss you so much. please take me back, ill do anything, ill-” rafe begins to beg, his words slurred as it's obvious he's been drinking.

“rafe.” you cut him off eventually. rafe stops speaking, hands coming to rest on the back of your calves as he looks up at you with pleading eyes. “you're drunk.”

“no, no, no.” rafes head drops, leaning to press kisses along your knees. “im drunk but im serious. please, just give me another chance, ill do anything.”

you frown, hating seeing rafe this way. you broke up with him because you thought he spent too much time getting high and needed to get control of his temper, and didn't know what you could do to help that beside let him work through it by himself. 

“anything, y/n.” rafe continues, his hands gripping your legs so tightly. you glance up, looking at all the people at the party staring at you, probably shocked that rafe would get on his knees and beg for anyone to come back.

“you need to stop doing drugs as often.” you state to rafe, making sure to keep your voice low enough to not have it in earshot. “and you gotta work on not getting so angry at the pogues. i don't care that you hate them but you can't constantly be getting into fights.”

“done.” rafe says, nodding his head. “i just need you. ive been a mess without you.”

“we can give it another shot.” you say, and rafes shoots to his feet, his lips pressing against yours. you set the cups down on the table next to you before kissing back, hearing a smattering of whoops and cheers as you make out, your head turning dizzy like the alcohol on rafes tongue is affecting your own.

“i need you, please.” rafe says, and you know exactly what he's asking for. it's what you've been desperately craving from him as well. your bodies were beyond compatible, and you know no boy would compare, so even in the period that you were broken up, you didn't even bother trying to sleep with anyone.

“i have to find stephanie.” you tell rafe, knowing you need to check your friend is good before doing anything, but you loop your fingers through rafes and tug him behind you until you get back to the main dance area, seeing topper with his arm slung around stephanies waist while she grinds against him.

“see she's good.” rafe says, his voice husky, and you know that he's already getting turned on just from the thought of having you again.

you let rafe lead you to his truck, parked in a somewhat isolated spot, but you don't care at this point if people see you as you both climb into the back seat.

“thank you for giving me another chance.” rafe says, his eyes shiny in the low lighting. “i missed you so much. i was such a wreck, but i didn't sleep with anyone else even though we were broken up. i only wanted you.”

“rafe.” you coo, pressing your lips against his, stroking your fingertips over his jaw. “i missed you too.”

“wanna show you how much it means to me.” rafe says, guiding you backwards until your back is against the seat. “that you're giving me a second chance.” his lips skim over yours before he moves lower, schooching down the seat until he's resting between your legs. he takes the bottom of your skirt and pushes it up, revealing your panties.

“you really do gotta-” your speech is cut off with a gasp when rafe presses his lips against your underwear, kissing your cunt through the fabric. 

“gotta what baby?” rafe asks, moving to kiss along your thighs as well, his teeth occasionally making an appearance as he drags them against your skin, nipping when you open your mouth to reply.

“gotta get your shit together since im giving you a second chance.” you finally finish your sentence.

“oh, i will baby.” rafe says, rubbing his fingertip over your center, smirking to himself when he sees the fabric dampened with your wetness. “i went so crazy without you, id do anything to not lose you again.”

“take them off, please.” you whine. rafe tugs at your panties, sliding them down your legs until he has to guide them over your heels. he takes the material and scrunches it up, tossing it onto his drivers seat. “i’m keeping those.” he informs you.

“whatever.” you roll your eyes but can’t hide your smile, reaching down to rub your thumb against his cheekbone. 

rafe sighs with relief into your touch, leaning his head against your hand. “i’ve missed your taste.” he licks his lips, eyes on your core.

you spread your legs as much as you can in the back of the truck, wishing momentarily that you were having this reunion in a bed, but you know rafe wouldn’t be able to wait that long.

rafe doesn’t hesitate to lean forward, burying his head between your legs. his wide tongue flicks through your folds, licking over your cunt before swirling around your clit.

“god, you’re so good at this.” you moan out, moving your hand to rafes hair, taking the strands between your fingers to keep his face shoved into your cunt, not that he plans on stopping any time soon.

rafe sucks at your clit, feeling rewarded by coaxing moans out of you. his hands grip your thighs, squeezing your delicate flesh between his fingertips.

rafe moves his mouth lower, letting out obscene sounds as he slurps the wetness away from your hole before pushing his tongue against the ring of muscle. he begins to thrust immediately, pushing his tongue in and out of your entrance, giving you the first stimulation you’ve had since you broke up.

“the sweetest taste.” rafe says when he pulls away slightly to kiss along your inner thighs. “i don’t know how i lived without it.”

“you know what my plan was for tonight?” you hum, needing more from rafe, even as his mouth drops back around your clit. “to get with a random turon to help myself get over you.”

you feel rafe pause, his entire body stilling before his eyes raise to make contact with yours. “you were going to sleep with someone else?”

“i couldn’t get over you, i had to do something.” you say, knowing exactly what rafes reaction will be as he rises, wanting to draw that fire and passion out in him. it didn’t matter that you were the one who broke up with rafe, you thought at the time it would be better for both of you, but now you know you can’t live without him.

rafe moves quickly, his strong hands gripping your hips and turning you over. you quickly adjust, pushing up on your elbows as you place your knees on the seat, arching your back to show off your cunt.

rafe releases himself from his shorts, tugging them down his thighs before he lines himself up, sinking in with one quick stroke. your walls meld to his cock, still feeling like you were made for him.

“imagining me sleeping with another guy has really got you worked up, huh?” you question, breath coming out in a pant as rafe instantly begins to thrust.

“shut up.” rafe groans, hips snapping forward into yours. “you’re mine. you’re never leaving me again.”

“yeah?” you question, bringing your ass back to meet rafes thrusts. “gonna get clean for me? gonna get it together?”

“anything for you.” rafe vows, glancing out the windows to make sure no one is looking as he takes you from behind, not that they would be able to see through the tint anyways.

you moan as rafe grabs your ass, relieved to finally have him inside of you again as his cock repeatedly enters you. rafe knows he can’t last very long, having been so desperate for you that he can’t hold himself back as your cunt clenches around him.

“feels so good rafey.” you whine.

“call me that again.” rafe says, needing to hear the nickname slip from between your lips again.

“rafey.” you call out. rafe flips you yet again, this time onto your back as he immediately reenters you, moving too fast for you to comprehend until his mouth is pressed against yours in a searing kiss.

“again, please.” rafe mumbles against your lips, bringing a hand to your clit and rubbing it with his thumb as he thrusts rapidly, knowing your next moan is going to send him over the edge.

you place your hands on the back of his head, giving him a strong kiss as he plays with your clit, your orgasm building as well. you pull away when you can’t hold back the moan anymore, “oh god, yes, rafey.” rafe groans, burying his head in your shoulder as he cums, pumping into you throughout his high as his thumb finally brings you to orgasm as well, clit pulsing as you both pant, letting out low moans and groans as your bodies come down.

rafe presses kisses to your cheeks, your jaw slackened open, still recovering. “i’ve missed your pussy so much.” rafe says before looking down, watching himself pull out.

“come here.” you whine, hating that he’s pulled away. rafe quickly tucks himself back into his pants before hovering over your body again, cuddling into your shoulder. it’s an awkward position, legs askew and body parts pressing against the doors of the truck.

“can i take you home? i want to hold you while i sleep, make sure i don’t let you go again.” rafe says, willing to beg if he needs to.

“of course.” you stretch out your sore muscles, eyelids already feeling heavy, but you know you just have to wait for rafe to drive you home before you can sleep.

it’s not awkward despite the time away from each other as you move to the front seat, making sure to text stephanie, who quickly responds with a picture of herself in toppers bed, making you giggle.

“i love you.” rafe blurts out, unable to not tell you when hearing your laugh.

“i love you too.” you lean over to kiss rafe on the cheek as he drives you back to his house, but you are already home as his fingers link with yours.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @rafecamerongirl @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld

[pup-pee]

oh god so many of the tags got messed up y did i type this in tags i thought it was gonna b a small ramble but no some1 help theyre in my head

i want to put bart in a time loop. konbart time loop au. is this anything

[jaysswlvrr]

Bratty Baby...

bratty!reader x tamer!sunghoon

warnings: sunghoons really rough bcz u were a brat >:(, random pet names, unprotected sex, kissing, teasing, dirty talk, and swearing, reader probs says 'dont touch me' when angry but its obvs doesnt mean that. (normally my smut are like a quickie and rushed but ill try to stretch this one out).

summary: You got angry, very angry that u couldn't control yourself, swore a little at sunghoon (maybe a lot), and got your punishment for being a brat.

"Fuck off sunghoon" you wrestled your way from his embrace, leaving his so called 'friend social hangout'. He looked at you in awe, chuckling a bit at your new misbehaviour.

He ran after you and grabbed onto your wrist earning an angry whine, you turned your head aggressively to his face, his charming, beautiful, face.

Wait what?

'No, no, no y/n you have to stay mad at him' you were chanting in your head.

You pulled and tugged, he was so much bigger than you that you could barely even move but you did, freeing your hands from him once again. Knitting your brows together, you push his chest a little, causing him to stumble back

"Don't fucking touch me sunghoon, fuck off!" you yelled, a finger pointing directly at his face.

*Meanwhile* (goofy jake incoming)

"What's going on with them" Jake said nose squished up on the window, his eyes huge, trying to examine the little wrestling match going on outside.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, embarrassed of his own best-friend.

"Stop stalking them like a creep, look even the birds are flying away from your dumb-ass looking face, YOUR TURNING PURPLE!", he jokingly said, stopping his friend form getting into your business.

*Anyways*

Sunghoon dragged you, pinning you to the closest brick-wall, and smashed his lips onto yours, biting your lips in the process to enter his tongue, slithering through your mouth, exploring every bit.

"You fucking belong to me ok?, don't act like a fucking brat right now alright?" He drags you to his car, opening the door for you and gently pushing you in, before slamming the door and entering himself.

He starts driving, eye glued onto the road, but yours where stuck onto his face. He doesn't have to look at you to realise that you were staring at him in trepidation.

You really didn't mean to shout at him, but you couldn't help it when he found your old diary, pictures filled with him,

nothings wrong with that...

But he teased you, so, so, much, that it wasn't even funny anymore, teased you to the point that he was about to tell his friends whilst you were hanging out with him!

And that's how you got here.

He turns his head to look at you when the traffic light turn red, and your eyes meet instantly. Now your thinking of how to apologise, but you just wont let the little bratty self in you do it. In any case right now, he should be apologising.

"You have something to say?, I mean you practically swore at me and pushed me" never breaking the eye contact with your big, doey eyes, as if he knew what you were thinking.

"Your not going to apologise are you?, you never will" he laughs a little at your obstinacy.

"m'k, ill just have to make you apologise isn't it?, just shove my cock into you and you suddenly start acting like a 'good girl' hm?" he says whilst driving again. "Then you'll listen wont you?, make you sob and cry until you apologise for being naughty again *sigh* c'mon y/n you know better."

You reach home, he runs to the side of the car where your sitting and opens the door for you, sticking out his hand for your, dragging both of you to the front door and opening the door in on swift move.

He pushes you against the door, his leg between yours, making you wetter at the moment. He kisses you once again, but way harshly. You couldn't help it, his hands running down your waist, other hand keeping you in a chokehold, firm but gently, his lips biting yours, his tongue gliding against your mouth.

You couldn't stop yourself from grinding against his, trying to find some friction eagerly, but sunghoon was too smart, quickly removing his leg and biting your neck causing you to moan whilst taking you to your bedroom.

He sat at the edge of the bed, motioning for you to come over, you slowly walked over to him, bending a little to pull down his trousers, his biceps looking bigger than ever.

"Sunghoon, can I... undress my s-self" you said looking down, but looked at him once again as he was chuckling.

He stroked your face a little, his fangs pointing out as he gave you his signature smirk, "well done for asking baby". You waited for his response...

"go ahead doll"

There you go.

The answer that you wanted this whole time.

You quickly took your clothes, layer after layer until you revealed your little surprise that you wore under. You cute, lacy lingerie, a bow in the middle of your low cut bra, revealing your cleavage.

"you look so cutee" he emphasised on the word 'cute', dragging you to his now practically naked body. He pulled down your underwear slowly, revealing your soaking wet pussy.

Pressing two fingers on your slit, and eyes never leaving your face, he watched your expression switch to a pleading face begging through you eyes for sunghoon to do something to you.

To ruin you.

"Fuck sunghoon " you pushed his hand away " Just do something, anything" You begged

He scoffed, "You couldn't even wait a little longer, such a bratty little girl" his voice deep but he was smiling the whole time.

He pulls you closer and onto his lap, watching your tight pussy stretch around his huge length. You let out a small 'fuck' due to the size change, him filling you up so well.

"Since you want me so badly do it yourself" he looked at you.

"What?"

"Fuck yourself on my cock"

You sighed so loudly, about to cry. Sunghoon was like 100x stronger than you and you could barely even move on him, but you were so desperate, trying your best to fuck yourself.

You put you hands on his shoulder, slowly bouncing up and down on his huge length, letting out long, dragged moans due to the felling, but when you opened your eyes, sunghoon hadn't even budged, still giving you a lusty stare.

"Fuck it sunghoon" you started letting out your crocodile tears. "Please sunghoon, please hoon-"

"uh uh" he tutted. You whimpered, starting again, forcing yourself to move up and down even thought your legs were so sore, sunghoon enjoying every bit.

"Please sunghoon". He rolls his eyes, he couldn't help but succumb into your pleading act.

He couldn't help it.

He puts your back on the bed before fucking in and out of you in an animalistic speed, making you choke on your breath.

"Gonna apologise isn't huh?" You whined again. "C'mon baby" he started increasing his speed again, breath increasing due to your tight little cunt.

How could a man speak so calmly whilst practically ripping you apart. You knew if he didn't get what he wanted, you wouldn't, so you just had to please him and finally giving in.

"S-sunghoon" he hummed in response.

"fuck- 'm sorry- fuckk! 'm s-sorry for-mmmm! being bad again sunghoooon- shit I... I wont do it again!" you let out another extended moan.

He smiled, hands wrapping around your neck, slightly chocking you, watching your eyes roll back at the small restraining,

"now that's the good girl I know" he proudly spoke, pushing your legs up to your chest and going deeper into you.

You haven't felt so manhandled in so long, sunghoon practically was playing with you like your were a toy, wrapping your legs around his waist to see your fucked out face again.

"You'll do anything for dick y-yeah?" you nodded your head aggressively not even listening to what he was saying.

"Fuck sunghoon!" you yelled his dick hitting places he never had, the spongy places that had you arching your back.

"Can I cum... pleasee!" you heard him chuckling again. He slowly nodded him head.

"C'mon, go ahead"

Your orgasm hit you so hard everything went white, sunghoon creaming and breeding into you almost at the same time. He slowed down, trying to drag the pleasure before pulling out a little, looking at your fucked up pussy with a smirk.

He pushes him cum back in with his fingers, biting onto his lip as his juices leaked out again.

"Lets go get you cleaned up" He said slowly walking out the room, thinking you were behind him.

But all he heard was heavy breathing, and an almost dead y/n laying on the bed.

"Oh" he picked you up in bridal style and taking you to the bathroom, getting a nice hot shower for both of you.

He smiled at you, whilst you looked down. "'m really sorry hoon" you muttered.

" Its alright y/n," he smiled again eyes squinting into a creasent shape.

"Your way cuter when your not bratty" you smiled.

"My bratty baby"

[daemour]

Pairing: crown prince! Yeosang x f! maid! Reader

Genre: fluff, very light angst, royal au, E for Everyone

Warnings: None

Summary: When the Gods divined you to be the Crown Prince's future wife, you're not quite sure what to expect in your new life. But Crown Prince Yeosang tries to make the transition smooth.

Word count: 3180

-

Happy birthday @mingsolo <3 I really hope you enjoy this hehe it gave me a lot of grief and you should count your lucky stars I was running behind on the deadline because I absolutely would have yapped this into a 10k fic lol

happy happy birthday from applebees to you we wish you happy birthday so we can party too

and yes i know this is early but its almost 2 am for me and i want to go to bed and ik ill forgot about it if i put it in schedule

“Are you ready for the ceremony, your highness?” You adjust the collar of the high prince, smiling at him in the mirror. Although the royal family isn’t rude to their servants, you try not to make it a habit to speak with them unless spoken to. It’s just a safety precaution you stick to. But the prince sitting in front of you looks so terrified and you can’t help but feel sorry for him.

Every 100 years, the high priests will choose a commoner to marry into the royal family. Something about keeping the bloodline clean and relating to their subjects: you don’t quite remember. But this year, the high prince Yeosang was chosen for this honour. Before him, it was his great-grandmother, and now it’s him.

The prince jumps a little at the unexpected question, messing up the fabric of his cape and your hands automatically shift down to smooth it out again. “Uh…” his deep voice shakes just the slightest bit and he clears his throat. “It’s a great honour to be chosen for this ceremony and I’m sure the gods will choose the right spouse for me.”

His demeanour is still stiff but his hands have stopped shaking so you count that as a win. A knock sounds at the door and startles you and you take a few steps back as his personal guard enters the room. Choi Jongho is formidable, but kind. He always exchanges a smile and a few kind words with you, and today is no exception.

“Hello, Miss YN,” he greets you and you nod back, a small smile on your face. “Sorry to interrupt, but I must bring his highness to the hall. And you probably should go find your friends to watch the ceremony with.” You nod again and Yeosang stands.

“Thank you,” he says to you and you offer him another smile, unsure of how to take his gratitude before slipping out of the room, making your way through twisting halls and finally joining your friends at the very back of the room.

“How was he doing?” One of your fellow handmaidens, Haewon, leans over to whisper in your ear. “I know I would be nervous if I were him.”

You shrug, adjusting the shoulder of your hanbok. It’s a little too thick for the hot summer weather, but on such occasions, you can’t wear your usual dark clothing. “He seemed nervous for sure, but not out of it, which is good. Hopefully his future spouse will treat him well.”

Haewon hums, her attention turning back to the front of the room where the king is now starting his speech. You try to pay attention but your eyes slip shut and you lean against the pillar behind you. In the days leading up to the ceremony you were working hard so you feel like you’re allowed to get at least a little rest.

Haewon elbows you awake as the priests are coming up to the front. “Come on, at least pay attention to this part,” she pleads and you nod sleepily, forcing your tiredness to the back of your mind and focusing on the platform a few metres in front of you.

You can barely see anything over the heads of the audience, and can only catch a slight glimpse of Yeosang’s immaculate dark hair. The priests add nothing to the king’s speech, instead starting immediately chanting something in Old Korean as they pour a mixture of wine and purified water into a large basin.

A bright pure light emanates from the basin as the priests stick their hands in and join in humming a low, deep note that reverberates throughout the hall. The hall stays quiet as the highest priest dips his face into the bowl. The silence is almost unbearable and the whole room holds their breath when the priest comes back up, his hair dripping onto the marble floor.

He takes a deep breath and with one sentence, your whole world is shaken.

“The bride of Kang Yeosang will be the servant YN.”

Murmurs fill the hall and heads snap towards you. Your eyes widen as you look at Haewon then back at the priests, then back at Haewon. “Me?” you whisper to your friend but she has no response for you, just as shocked as you are. “How could it be me?”

A different silence settles over the room. Not one of anticipation and excitement, but one of silent judgement. You can feel hundreds of eyes on you, but you lock eyes with the most important man in the room—the high prince. His face is almost unreadable…almost. But there's a hint of unsurety, mirroring your own, and at least you can take comfort in knowing that he shares the same feelings as you do.

-

You can’t help but lie on your bed for just a few seconds more, staring up at the plain white ceiling you’ve slept under for years. You’ve packed all your possessions and they’re about to be transferred to your new quarters, ones you will share with Yeosang. But you have a certain fondness for this room and all the memories you have here.

A knock sounds on the door and you sigh to yourself before getting off your best and opening to door. “Hello, Miss YN,” Jongho stands before you with Haewon right behind him. “We’re here to help you bring your things to the Prince’s room. We figured it’d be best if it was someone you knew well so Haewon is here, and I’m just around to do the heavy lifting.”

His light tone eases your worry a little and you crack a smile back. “Come on in. It’s looking pretty sorry right now, but everything is in those bags. The one of the left is fragile so please be careful. The right is clothes so it’s a little heavier.”

“It’s so few belongings,” Jongho marvels. “I could take both bags in one trip.”

Both you and Haewon stare at him. “We can’t exactly afford too much with our salaries, especially if we have family at home.” While the two of you are paid a fair enough wage for a single lady, Haewon has her siblings at home she takes care of and you donate your leftover funds to the orphanage you were raised in. There wasn’t much you wanted to buy in all fairness. Pretty clothes and jewellery weren’t something you thought to buy, even if you did stop and look at them through the store windows when you had the chance to.

“Oh– sorry,” Jongho apologises, his brows furrowing the slightest bit, but Haewon waves his concern away with a quick smile.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m mostly just pulling your leg. Come on, let’s get little lady YN to her new bedroom.”

Your face burns at Haewon’s teasing tone and you quickly duck away, tucking your hair behind your ears. “Don’t–” you protest half-heartedly. “I’m still going to be YN. I’ll still hang out with you. And wingman you for–”

Before you can finish your retaliation, Haewon leaps forward and covers your mouth with her hand, glancing at Jongho before glaring at you. “Be quiet,” she hisses in your ear. “I’ll kill you in your sleep, never mind being the future princess.”

You laugh, pushing her head away. “Okay, I get it. My mouth is closed. Now let’s get going so I won’t throw up from nerves.”

With another bump to your shoulder, Haewon picks up the other bag. Before any other movement is made, you quickly run to grab the pillow off your bed. Jongho looks at you like you lost a few brain cells. “I…It’s comforting okay?” you defend, and before they can say anything else, you quickly move out of your room, Haewon and Jongho following close behind while laughing.

To be honest, and it’s not like you were hiding it before, you’re terrified of what your new life will lead to. It’s such a big shift from one lifestyle to another. What are you supposed to do? How are you supposed to interact with Prince Yeosang now?

And before you can bat an eye, you’re in front of the ornate door leading to the Crown Prince’s quarters. With a little hesitation, you knock on the door. As if he was waiting for you, the crown prince throws open the door, making eye contact with you for far too long before he finally steps aside. “Ah, hello,” he greets you with his usual low voice. “Uh. I’m not sure what to say.”

You stare at him awkwardly. You’re used to seeing him as a servant should, not as a future husband. “If it makes you feel better, I’m not quite sure myself,” you agree, offering a small smile that Yeosang returns.

“Stop dilly-dallying and go in the room, the bag’s heavy,” Haewon hisses in your ear and you jump at the feeling of her breath on your skin.

“Ah, sorry,” you whisper back before turning back to Yeosang, who looks vaguely amused. “Would you mind if I came in?”

Yeosang blinks slowly at you, a smile growing on his face. “Yeah, considering you will be staying here from now on, you can come in. Make yourself at home, I cleared out part of my closet for you.”

He steps back, letting Jongho and Haewon in as well, and leads you to a tall, intricately carved, wardrobe. You try not to wince when he throws it open, overwhelmed by the sheer size of it. He had cleared out half of his clothes and you almost feel…ashamed at the amount of clothes you have in your meagre bag.

“Ah, I won’t need this much space, though,” you frown, measuring the inside with your eyes. “I don’t have that many clothes with me.”

Yeosang chuckles, not unkindly. “YN, you will be getting different clothes than the ones you normally wear. Our seamstress will be around to measure you tomorrow afternoon.”

Right. You shouldn’t wear your shabby handmaiden clothes now that you’ll be marrying a crown prince. You nod, head already starting to hurt at the thought of all the new rules you’ll have to learn. “Okay.” You look around carefully. “Where will I be staying?”

There’s a long silence until Yeosang finally breaks it with a curious head tilt. “What do you mean? This is going to be your room now.”

“Ah, you misunderstand me. Where will I be sleeping?”

Another pause. “In…the bed? I’m not sure what you mean by a different bed?”

You blink. Jongho and Haewon exchange looks behind you. “Maybe we should let you two talk this out without us,” Haewon whispers, placing your bags on a nearby chair, Jongho quickly following suit before the two of them slip out of the room quietly.

“Are we not having different beds to sleep in? We’re not married yet.”

Understanding dawns in Yeosang’s eyes. “Oh. It’s tradition that divinely blessed couples share a bed from the moment the Gods select them. But we don’t have to. I don’t mind taking the couch for now.”

You shake your head. “No, no, you can stay in your bed. I’ll be more used to the couch, anyway. I don’t want to take your bed away from you.”

Yeosang frowns. “No, no, it’s not right. I couldn’t make you sleep on the uncomfortable couch on your first night here anyway. Please, let me do this.”

You carefully raise your gaze to meet his, filled with sincerity. You can tell he’s not saying it just to be nice, but he truly wants your first night to be comfortable. “I…I appreciate the kindness, your highness.”

“No, no, none of that. I’m no longer ‘your highness’, just call me Yeosang. We’re to be wed, it’s best to get in the habit now.”

A shiver runs through your spine at the thought of no longer using his title. It’ll take some time getting used to it, but his words are true. “Alright, you– Yeosang.” A strange silence settles over the two of you. It’s awkward but not unwelcome, almost comforting, even.

Before either of you can say another word, a gentle knock sounds on the door. “Yeosang, YN. It’s Queen Yuhwa. May I come in?”

“Ah, yes, mother.” Yeosang moves towards the door, opening it to reveal the queen regent in all her glory. Even dressed in a simple robe, her face still carries a grace to it you can only hope to emulate someday. “What brings you here?”

She smiles at the two of you. “It’s just lovely to see the two of you together. The priests have divined well—you’re very beautiful, YN. You’ll be a good match for Yeosang.”

You can’t keep the heat from flooding to your face at her compliment, and Queen Yuhwa chuckles, stepping forward and reaching forward to hold your face in her gentle hand. “Our seamstress will have to make sure to bring out the best features of your face.” She inspects you for a moment longer before releasing you from her hold and sighing. “That’s not what I came here for, however. After a long meeting, the priests and I have chosen the date for your wedding. It will take place in six months. We’ve decided to have separate dinners so the two of you can get to know each other in a more intimate setting.”

Her words make you flinch, but Yeosang remains unfazed except for a slight twitch of his fingers. “Thank you mother,” he says, his eyes warm when he looks at her. “I hope you and father have a lovely dinner.”

Yuhwa hums, reaching up to pat his cheek. “I’m sure we will, dear. I’ll see you two tomorrow for breakfast.”

And just as quickly as she entered the room, she left smoothly. Yeosang closes the door behind her, laughing softly under his breath before turning to you, a soft smile on his face. “Sorry about her, she can be a bit odd sometimes. What would you like for dinner?”

You’re still somewhat in awe at seeing Queen Yuhwa so close—she only allows a select few handmaidens to attend to her. “Uh– whatever is fine. I’m not picky.” You shake your head, bringing your mind back to the present. “I hope you don’t mind if I unpack my belongings now?”

Yeosang waves you ahead. “Go on. I’ll just head out to let the servants know. Make yourself comfortable. The bath is also open if you’d like.”

You nod, turning back to your bags as Yeosang slips out of his quarters. It doesn’t take long for you to organise all your belongings, and you place your pillow on the silken sheets of his bed, slightly embarrassed at the obvious difference in quality. Your life wasn’t hard, nor was your servant lifestyle cheap, but you weren’t given silken sheets.

After a pause, you can’t help but to reach out and let your hands brush against the sheets, marvelling at how soft and smooth they lay. You look around carefully, and when Yeosang shows no signs of coming back in the next five seconds, you quickly let yourself drop into the sheets, closing your eyes and breathing in the smell of lavender blossoms.

You feel yourself relaxing far too much and you quickly stand, ruffling through your side of the closet to find your nicest dress, bringing it to the bathroom so you can clean yourself of any dust you may have lingering before looking a little more presentable for Yeosang.

As you slip into your dress, you can hear Yeosang return, the telltale sound of plates being set. “Are you decent?” you can hear him call out, and you nod before remembering he can’t see you.

“Ah– yes I am, your highness. Ah, Yeosang,” you correct yourself, and you can hear chuckles from behind the door before it opens to reveal Yeosang clutching something in his hand.

He gingerly sets it on the counter to reveal a small bottle of perfume. “I had this made when I was first told I was chosen to have a divined partner. It’s customary for the royal side to gift their future spouse with their first expensive perfume.”

His voice grows smaller with each word, but you don’t even know if you can speak without crying. It’s such a small gesture, one that’s premeditated, but it still makes your heart flutter. “Thank you, Yeosang.” You feel like there’s no way you could ever thank him properly to show your gratitude, but he just smiles even brighter.

“Come, let’s eat.”

-

After a quiet but calm dinner, you’re laying in the softest bed you’ve ever used in your life. Yeosang’s soft breaths can be heard across the room but you’re still wide awake. The anxiety of your life flipping completely has finally hit you and you’re far too aware of yourself right now.

You’re starting to regret not taking Yeosang’s offer of sharing a bed—having another’s presence near you would be immensely comforting. When you had first moved to the palace for your new life, Haewon had shared a room with you until you were comfortable enough to start sleeping on your own. You roll over in the sheets once more, shoving your face in your pillow and trying to pretend you’re back in your own room. It only serves to make your nerves worse and you can feel tears starting to sting at your eyes.

“Are you okay?” A low voice startles you and you whirl around to see a Yeosang-shaped shadow standing by your side, hand outreached. “I heard you tossing and turning and– are you crying?”

You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a whimper and you quickly bring your hands up to cover your face. There’s the slightest hesitation before Yeosang’s hand comes down to rest on your head and he starts slowly stroking your hair. He’s unsure of himself, but it’s comforting nonetheless and your cries quieten until there’s barely a hiccup.

“...I’m sorry,” you sigh after your chest has stopped heaving. “I don’t know what’s come over me.”

Yeosang hums, his hand stilling on your hair. “Don’t be sorry,” he murmurs. “I understand. It’s a scary change. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

You hesitate before you say it, and Yeosang almost turns away to go back to the couch when you reach out and grab hold of his sleep-shirt’s sleeve. “Will you stay here with me? It helps if someone is near me.”

This time, Yeosang does not wait a second before making his way to the other side of the bed, crawling in and sliding closer to lay almost close enough for his shoulder to press against yours. You can feel his body heat radiating off of him and it’s enough to make your body relax already.

Carefully, slowly, you reach out your hand until it touches his, and he quickly envelops your palm with his own, bringing it up to his face to press a kiss to it. “Good night, YN.”

“Good night, Yeosang.”

[hugmekenobi]

Heal

A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot

Gif by @barissoffee

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Shaking the effects of Tantiss is easier said than done

Warnings: Literally one use of (Y/N), swearing, hints of Tech/Phee, references to past pain and torture, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares and trouble sleeping, descriptions of illness (headaches), reader is hard on herself, suggestive dialogue, light PDA (kissing, teasing touches), mentions of food, me making up what everyone is up to on Pabu, fluff and happy ending

Masterlist for S1, S2 and S3

Word Count: 7.2K

Rating: 18+

Author's note: Okay, not gonna lie, I struggled with this one. It was a last minute idea as I was rewatching and writing the final few episodes of season 3 but it worked and felt a lot better in my head and when it came to writing, my brain was not my friend lol. I hope it's still enjoyable! The next oneshot is the story I've had planned for months so that should be a smoother process haha

It had been a few weeks since you’d all taken up official residence in Pabu.

Shep’s offer of setting up homes for you all stayed true.

You and Hunter had been put in a hut perfectly designed for the two of you that was a short walk away from the water and there was even a spare room for Omega who alternated between sleeping in your home and the home Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker all shared.

The three other clones may have been grouped together but there was plenty of room, and not a lot of time was spent indoors anyway.

Wrecker had taken to fishing like, well, like a fish to water.

Crosshair did a bit of everything, helping out with tasks of whoever needed assistance but he mainly he kept up with practicing shooting with his left hand. He wanted the practice, and he genuinely enjoyed it. He didn’t miss being a soldier anymore but that didn’t mean he had to renege on his skills.

Tech spent much of his time with Phee or assisting Shep in rebuilding parts of Pabu that still needed it and upgrading equipment.  

Omega often kept close company with Lyana and the other young reg clones or she went off with Tech to plan out a potential search for lost or salvageable pieces of the Marauder- the two of them had dreams of rebuilding new a ship with as many pieces of their old home as possible. It was yet to be undertaken but the vision was there.

The task of reuniting the children from Tantiss with their families had been successful but with that final mission complete, you and Hunter were also in the same boat as Crosshair and still yet to find your official niche on island. For now, you both were just relishing in the peace and each other’s company.

One thing you had managed to achieve was finding a way to finally get in touch with Lyra again, who- despite being filled in on everything that had happened since you parted ways on Christophsis- still managed to scold you for the lack of communication. But after hearing you all were alive and settled, she’d sent you all packages of more suitable island clothes with promises to visit soon.

Everything was coming together and so you were feeling one with the island life.

However, life here was not without its challenges.

The impact and aftermath of Tantiss remained a constant shadow that would still find ways to rear its ugly head. Something you and Hunter in particular found yourselves dealing with.

--

“I figured we could have the party in the next couple of weeks right here in the colonnade and, I don’t know, you could slip away or…” Shep trailed off as he saw the way Hunter’s brow furrowed in pain.

“Uh huh.” Hunter agreed distantly. He didn’t want to ignore Shep, especially when he was doing him the favour, but fuck had the sun always been this bright? The blinding pain behind his eyes and throbbing in his skull was getting harder to dismiss.  

You were a casual observer and listener to the conversation between the young reg clones and the adult clones that had remained on the island- Deke, Stak and Mox had no shortage of questions for them. But you sensed a rising discomfort and then you caught the way Hunter kept pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting to get away from the glare of the warm sun. “Excuse me.” You politely removed yourself from the conversation and hurriedly walked over to where Shep and Hunter were conversing. “Shep, I’m sorry to interrupt but do you mind if I steal him away for a moment?”

“Not at all.” Shep bid the two of you farewell with a smile.

You lightly rested a hand on his upper arm. “Hunter? Another flare up?” You figured, keeping your worried voice quiet.

Hunter just about managed a nod and said through gritted teeth, “But I can wait it out. Shep-”

He would attempt to come up with an excuse every time and every time you wouldn’t even entertain it. “Come on.” You carefully wrapped an arm around him and guided him back home.

--

You opened the door and carried on through to the bedroom. You gently prompted him to sit on the bed as you knelt down and took his shoes off before you shut the bedroom window to cancel out the noise outside and closed the blinds to keep the sunlight out. You kept your voice low and monotone as you instructed him, “Lie down.”

Hunter did as you said and rested on his back.

The routine was second nature to you. He hadn’t had headaches like this for a while but since Tantiss and because of what he’d suffered there, they’d become more frequent. His senses hadn’t quite readjusted back to what they used to be.

You moved silently throughout the house as you went to the freezer and came back with the cold compress you stored specifically for these moments and placed it over his eyes. “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything. Try to sleep.” You whispered caringly before you lightly squeezed his hand and made to leave. However, you had barely stepped away from the bed when Hunter’s hand caught your wrist.

“Stay.” He requested through a wince.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you.” You cautioned quietly. You had remained a couple times before, but it had never been a certainty that he wanted you to stay when he was going through this. You always waited for him to give the okay.

“You can’t.” He murmured. He needed you here to ground him in a way the usual methods could never do.

You removed your own shoes and supported his back as you sat him up and slotted yourself behind him.

Hunter rested his head against your chest.

You readjusted the compress slightly once you were both in a comfortable position. “This okay?” You asked as you softly massaged each of his temples.

Hunter let out a tranquil sigh and he could already feel the discomfort receding. You always knew just what it was he needed from you in these moments. “Perfect.”

--

Hunter wasn’t the only one still feeling the lingering toil of Tantiss. Your screams of terror and the way you thrashed next to him woke him up. He called your name and shook your arm to wake you up. “Hey, hey. Easy, easy. It’s alright.” He assured you as he saw your eyes widen in fear.

You shot awake and hastily sat up, your breathing hard and uneven.

“You’re okay. I’m here.” Hunter whispered soothingly as he sat up alongside you.

You closed your eyes and let his voice be the only thing you focused on.

“You’re alright. It was a bad dream.”

Right yes, a bad dream.

“Hold on.” Hunter pressed his lips to your clothed shoulder before he got out of bed and ran a cloth under some cold water.

You worked on getting your breathing back under control. You ran a hand over your face and felt the beads of sweat dripping down your temples and down your neck and back. Your sleep top was sticking to you uncomfortably. But you forced yourself to concentrate on anything that didn’t remind you of the nightmare you’d just escaped. You took in your secure and familiar surroundings of your bedroom to calm yourself down. You weren’t back there. You were on Pabu with Hunter. You were safe here.  

Hunter slid back in bed beside you. “Arms up.” He prompted delicately. When you did that, he carefully removed your sweat soaked top and tossed it to the side of the bed– he’d deal with it in the morning- and placed the cool cloth to the back of your neck and spine before he tenderly dabbed at your temples. He then put a replacement top back over your head and continued to press the flannel around your forehead and neck.

“I’m sorry.” You rasped as you hid your face in your palms in embarrassment. You hated this. He would already have tough days and you couldn’t even offer him any relief in the evenings. The two of you had gotten into a rather unfortunate ritual where you would comfort him during the day and then the roles would switch as soon as night fell.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” Hunter reassured you lovingly. He placed the cloth on the bedside table and rubbed his hand up and down your back to ease away the lingering tension and to help settle you back down. “Same one?” He guessed.

You nodded but kept your face hidden from him. “I’m just standing there. I’m watching him hurt you over and over again and I’m not doing anything to stop it.” You said, your voice cracking with each word. “Then he goes to the rest of you- to Omega. I’m completely frozen and all I can do is watch you all writhe in pain. I keep fighting to move but nothing happens. I’m just so useless and I stand by and let it happen. You’re crying out for help, and I just stand there.” You whispered with plenty of self-loathing behind your words.

Hunter shushed you consolingly. “But that’s not what happened. It’s just the nightmare talking.”

“Is it? Because it feels an awful lot like that’s what I did.” You said with self-directed disgust.

““You didn’t do nothing. You didn’t give up. You did what you thought you needed to do to get us out of there alive.” Hunter reminded you.

“Imprisoned.” You corrected.

“Alive.” Hunter countered.

You knew there was no sense in arguing with him over it. “I should be over this by now. I coped after Christophsis. I don’t know why this is sticking with me so much.” You said critically instead.

Hunter was all too familiar with this line of argument. As soon as you admitted to the nightmare and the fear it brought, you started looking for ways to berate yourself for feeling the way you were. “You couldn’t process Christophsis on your own time. You were in a position where you were forced to carry on. And I don’t think going through and being impacted by torture has a time requirement.”

You finally half-turned to face him. “Do you really believe that?”

The doubt in your voice made his throat constrict and chest tighten. “I know it.”

“But dealing with this is annoying.” You mumbled self-consciously and you averted your gaze once more.

“Do you get annoyed when you’ve needed to help me?”

You lifted your eyes back to him. “No, of course not.”

“Exactly. You help me through those episodes. Why do you think I’d treat you any differently?” He rubbed his thumb along your cheekbone. “You still need to give yourself the same treatment you give other people.” He said caringly.

You leaned your head against Hunter’s shoulder and just gave a series of reluctant but agreeable noises to signal your acceptance of his statement.

“You’re talking to me though. That counts for something.” Hunter praised, angling his head so he could kiss your forehead.

“Yeah, I’m a work in progress.” You managed to say with some light-heartedness before your voice went solemn again. “Just don’t give up on me… please.”

“Never.” Hunter promised with steadfast seriousness.

Your eyes flickered shut and you snuggled closer to him as he ran his hand up and down your arm in soft, delicate patterns.

“Want to sleeping try again?” He suggested after he felt your breathing and pulse settle back down.

You gulped but agreed to give sleep another go. “Okay.” You laid back down readjusted the covers you had kicked off in your sleep-panicked state. You breathed deeply as you closed your eyes and willed yourself to at least get a couple uninterrupted hours. But the darker part of your nightmare, the part you couldn’t vocalise, lingered with you and you didn’t know how to get past it.

Hunter wrapped his arm around your side and pulled your back tight to his chest, but despite all you opened up about, he knew you were holding something back. It was the same every night and he knew sleep would continue to elude you.

--

This new day was nearly over. Dusk had come and gone but the concept of night and sleep filled you with a deep anxiety. You needed to clear your head before you even thought about winding down for the night. “I’m going for a walk; I’ll be back soon.” You said, giving Hunter a chaste kiss to his lips before you exited your home.

Hunter gave you a slight smile as you parted from him, and he could only watch you leave. He had never felt so helpless.

He knew he couldn’t quite help you in the way you needed but there might be someone else who could.

--

“Hey there, Hunter.” Phee greeted cheerily as she opened the door to greet the clone.

“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Hunter asked apologetically.

Phee rolled her eyes, “Pfftt no way. He’s been at this for hours, if you can get his attention onto something else, be my guest.”  She led him through to the living room.

Tech grunted his greeting as he sought out the tool that he needed for the task he was completing for Shep. The island had a healer- Dalia, but she mainly operated out of her home because, until recently, that suited just fine. But when the attack on Pabu occurred, Shep and Dalia had found themselves ill-prepared for accommodating the seriousness of the injuries that followed so Tech was assisting in expanding and updating her equipment and resources. AZ was already a big help with that, but more was needing done. It was a longer but important project that Tech was taking very seriously.

 “Sorry about the mess.” Phee said with an annoyed yet affectionate stare in Tech’s direction, but she was not surprised when the clone did not appear to even register that she’d spoken. She had stopped trying to get Tech to tidy as he went about altering this latest piece of machinery since he’d insistently claimed there was an order to the chaos around him. The entire area in which he was working was covered with random tools and intricate pieces of machinery. Phee struggled to see how this all equalled a system since all she saw was an array random pieces of metal taking up her living room floor. It didn’t truly bother her though; it was just another quirk she was fond off. Her appreciation for his intelligence and passion outweighed a little untidiness.

“Don’t worry, it’s something I’m very used to.” Hunter said lightly as he carefully stepped over some discarded screws.

“Sit down.” Phee encouraged, gesturing to a spare chair as she took a seat on the couch across from where Tech was working in the middle of the floor. But when Hunter made no move to do so, Phee properly looked at him and she noticed the distant and slightly nervous expression Hunter donned. “Everything alright?”

“I need your help, Tech.” Hunter said in answer.

Tech spoke for the first time since Hunter arrived as he found the spanner he needed, “I’m not yet finished with this. Once I’m done-”

“I don’t need you to fix anything, Tech. It’s about (Y/N). She’s struggling right now and-”

“Well, we know that she has a habit of taking things on by herself. A habit both of you have shared for quite a while.” Tech said plainly, not taking his eyes off the medical equipment he was fixing up. “I wouldn’t take her refusal or dismissals personally.”

Hunter bit back his frustrated huff. He knew attempting to get his brother’s focus when he was so absorbed by a project was always going to be challenging. He went to speak again but Phee beat him to it.

Enough was enough. Phee firmly nudged Tech’s good thigh with her boot, “Would you stop playing around with that and actually pay attention to what he has to say?”

Tech snapped out of his intense concentration. “Right, yes. Sorry, Hunter.” He started officially packing up. Once he was done, he gave his brother his full attention and it was then that he saw the genuine worry on Hunter’s face which told him it was more important than any mechanical repair. “What’s going on with her?”

“She keeps having nightmares from her capture on Tantiss. I can’t remember the last time she slept through the night.” Hunter took a ragged breath. “And it’s not like she’s keeping them to herself and that’s why they’re so bad. She’s doing everything we’ve worked on. She talks to me; she lets me in and help her, but I know there’s something else she’s keeping hidden. And it’s because she knows I can’t offer her the right words, or she wants to protect me from whatever it is she’s not telling me. I’m stuck and she’s not getting any better and I can’t offer her anything more than what I’m currently doing.”

“So, how exactly can I help?” Tech asked, rather puzzled as to why his brother had come to him with this dilemma. He wasn’t exactly known for providing helpful assistance for this type of issue. It wasn’t that he never wanted to, it just always didn’t come easily to him and usually you and Hunter would always be able to work through it yourselves.

Hunter began tentatively, “Y-your experiences were- were similar. I’d thought about Crosshair but what he went through was a bit different and from what you’ve told us, it sounds closer to what she’s been through. I hate to ask it of you but-”

“Where is she?” Tech asked, getting to his feet.

“If you’re not comfortable doing this I understand. It’s a lot to talk about and-”

“Hunter, just tell me where she is.” Tech interrupted with a firm reassurance to show that he truly didn’t mind.

“Down by the shore.” Hunter told him through a grateful sigh.  

Tech nodded and got ready to leave for the beach.

--

You breathed in the fresh and clean sea air, a gentle breeze wafted through your hair. The moonlight cast the water and sand in a luminous white glow. It offered you a peace you were yet to find in your own mind. The faint but demanding whines of the hound you’d acquired on your walk down had you smiling to yourself as you focused on the sounds of the waves lapping on the shore.

Tech saw you seated on the sand, Batcher waiting for you to throw a stick for her. “Did you know that gravity and the gravitational pull of the moon creates a phenomenon called tidal force, which is what causes the ocean tides to change?”

“I mean… I knew it was something like that.” You straightened your shoulders and managed a tight smile in his direction. “Hey, Tech.” You hoped you didn’t sound as exhausted as you felt.

Tech picked up on the heaviness in your voice despite your attempts to conceal it. “Also, did you know that water absorbs the red light of the colour spectrum, leaving the blue for us to see.” He added as he threw the stick for the hound.

You hummed out your acceptance of the fact as a reply whilst Batcher returned the stick but- after greeting Tech- decided she’d had enough and curled up beside you. “You didn’t come here to share ocean facts, Tech.” You said after a moment. “What’s going on?”

“You’re right. I have another purpose in joining you.” Tech admitted as he sat down on your other side.

“Which is?” You asked leadingly.

“Hunter asked me to. He’s worried about you.” He gave you a chance to speak but you offered nothing, so he carried on, “From what I hear, you’re having difficulty sleeping due to nightmares. They are based around your confinement on Tantiss?”

You cleared your throat to buy yourself some time before you answered, “Yeah.” You brought your knees to your chest.

“Can you tell me more? Whatever you’re comfortable sharing is fine.”

You breathed deeply and peered up at the starry night sky. “Well, you know about Christophsis.”

Tech nodded. That was something he’d been told about on the shuttle back.

“Tantiss… Tantiss was different. I took beatings but they were a treat compared to that fucking droid. Hemlock did a much better job of getting the most out of that damn serum. It got harder and harder to fight it. He knew exactly what buttons to push.”

“I’m afraid I had a helping hand in that.” Tech said sheepishly.

You placed your hand on his shoulder. “I don’t blame you, Tech. Not at all.” You reassured him earnestly.

“Regardless, his methods would’ve been that effective because I told him what would work.”

You patted his shoulder to indicate that you really didn’t hold any of that period against him before you removed it and placed it back across your bent legs. You surprisingly found that you kept wanting to talk so you carried on, “I’d never be able to ignore him, he’d always be able to get in my head so, instead, I’d would look for things to take me out of it.”

“A reasonable response.” Tech agreed. The times when he’d resisted, he’d acted similarly.

You felt irritation rise in you. You’d been weak, how could he not see that? “He told me you were alive, and I used it as a way to keep pushing back against him. Omega didn’t doubt it and she only heard him say it once.”

Hunter had warned him about this before he’d left. He expected you to say things designed to make him reprimand you instead of sympathising with you. The part of ‘no emotion’ element of the Jedi Code was deeply engrained in you. Despite your affinity for handling attachment and genuine love for them, when it came to your own emotions, you had gotten a bit too good at supressing or dismissing them. “Years fighting in a war has a way of creating a certain cynicism- or realism- depending on your point of view. It helps with survival and enduring each battle. I may have gotten out of it but even I have to admit that the odds were slim. I called out the plan. I knew what I was doing, I didn’t expect to live, and I didn’t expect you all to assume that I had.” Tech easily explained away the argument. “I’m grateful for Omega’s optimism and hope- it is a wonderful quality of hers and it got me out of there and brought me back to you all-, but I never expected you to believe I lived.”

You couldn’t accept the fact that the people around you were okay with how you’d acted. Every night was a painful reminder of how you’d failed them. “What I don’t understand is why Tantiss is still affecting me in this way. I got over Christophsis just fine.”

“No, you didn’t process Christophsis. You were thrown into mission after mission and were left with no choice but to keep going. It is highly plausible that Hemlock’s own similar torture was harder to get through because it was a reminder of a traumatic time that you’d already experienced but not healed from. Plus, I don’t believe feeling the effects of torture has a time requirement.”

You sighed heavily, “You’re the second person to tell me all that.”

“Does that not tell you something?” Tech prodded but he did it gently.

“I guess.” You said through a weary sigh as you ran your hands through the sand to distract yourself. “I handed myself over to Hemlock though. I gave up.”

“The guilt you’re experiencing over agreeing to Hemlock’s terms is natural. You-”

“It wasn’t guilt. Not wholly.” You said, your voice so quiet it barely registered over the rhythmic lull of the waves.

Tech glanced at you in surprise, but you were keeping your head down, stroking Batcher’s snout- the dog seemed to sense your distress and had nuzzled closer to you. He allowed the silence to grow as he patiently awaited further explanation from you.  

You swallowed thickly as you went to speak again. “I was relieved.” You admitted, it was the first time you’d ever said the words out loud, and you instantly wished you could take them back. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you awaited the disappointed and shameful remarks from Tech.

“What were you relieved about?” Tech asked calmly.

That hadn’t been the response you were expecting. “Um-” You searched for the words to answer him. “When I was-” You broke off and started again and you found yourself being more honest than you’d anticipated. “When I was in that training room watching Hunter be tortured and I heard Hemlock say that he was going to do the same conditioning to Crosshair again and to Wrecker too… I gave him what he wanted. Throughout my time there, he wanted me to join him and that’s what I was prepared to do. But as I said it, there was a sense of relief. Finally, I could stop fighting him. The torture he put me through would end. And in the dream- nightmare- I keep having, as much as I hate what’s happening, part of why I can’t move to help any of you is because I’m just relived it isn’t me.” You visibly tensed as you finished speaking. Saying that last part out loud caused you physical pain and your stomach churned nervously as you waited for judgement. There had been a reason you couldn’t share this with Hunter. It sounded so selfish, so pathetic.

“I understand that.”

You angled your head to face him. It was your turn to wait for him to talk.

Tech took a grounding breath before he elaborated, “In my time imprisoned there, Hemlock wanted to know all he could about you all. He knew there would be a time where he’d have to face you all again. I didn’t quite experience the same beatings you took; it was always psychological. But whenever I showed willing to give him information, all I felt in that moment was a profound relief that the torment and pain would end. Granted, that swiftly became guilt as soon as he left but I couldn’t deny the respite those few minutes of me telling him about you all gave me. Now, did you only feel relief at it being over? Or was it relief that you could join him and do his bidding?”

You thought back to that time and realised what he was getting at. “No, it was because I knew if I gave him what he wanted, then at least they wouldn’t have to go through any more agony. At the time, imprisonment felt like the better option than becoming one of his operatives and experiencing that level of hurt.”

“Precisely. Your sleep is being haunted by the worst outcome. It’s praying on the flash of relief you felt and twisting it into something more than what it was. If you accept what happened and stop fighting it, it loses its power. You didn’t do anything wrong, you acted how you needed to. The only person that has the power to blame you is yourself. No one here does, sometimes it just helps to hear it out loud once in a while and it’s true. You resisted him for as long as you physically could. Those circumstances would’ve cracked anyone.”

You looked at him thoughtfully. “Is that how you did it?” You asked quietly.

“Well, I didn’t. Not always.” Tech reminded you, assuming you were referring to how he resisted Hemlock’s torment.

“No.” You released another deep sigh. “You seem to have settled here. You’re coping with it, and you were there for a long time.”

“I was in hell on Tantiss but not so much anymore. Being reunited with you all has really helped. Though I think if I had to watch any of them get hurt the way you had to, it would be different.” As he spoke, Tech realised why Hunter had come to him for this. He was sharing this part of him with you because he knew you were the only one that would truly get it. There was no worry of judgement, no worries of saying something too jarring. You would understand him just as he understood you. “I’ve accepted what happened to me and how I reacted to it but you’re the only one that knows those particular details of my experience. Phee and my brothers do not. Family helps with some of the burden but until you’ve had the unfortunate time of living it, their support can only do so much. We need each other it would seem.” Tech said with a kind look in your direction.

You widened your eyes at his openness. You were incredibly touched by that, and you didn’t take the lightly. “Thank you, Tech.”

“You asked a question, I merely answered.”

You shot him a look, “That’s not the only thing I’m thanking you for.” After speaking to him and fully unburdening yourself to someone who could only understand where you were coming from without the worry of saying the wrong thing or being too much, you felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest. You weren’t plagued by all the horrible and conflicting feelings that had followed you since Tantiss. You could breathe. You were free. You gently squeezed his hand as you said, “Thank you for what you’ve done tonight. For all of it.”

Tech shrugged off the thanks but smiled at you all the same. “We’re family, it’s what we do.”

--

You walked through the door to your home and took your shoes off.

Hunter walked out of the bedroom as he heard you come through the door. “Hey, how was your walk?”

You didn’t answer immediately. Instead, you just drank him in. You took in the way he leaned against the doorway, the book he was reading dangling from his hand. The way the soft linens of his sleep clothes framed his body. The way he’d still kept and worn the necklace you’d given him all that time ago. And the way he was looking at you with such deep care and affection, it made your heart clench and emotions clog up in your throat- you didn’t trust yourself to speak.

Hunter took your silence for upset. “I had to tell him. I thought-” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence as you strode towards him and embraced him.

You hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” You whispered.

Dropping his book and wrapping his arms around you instantly, Hunter rested his cheek on top of your head. He didn’t need or expect you to share the details of the conversation with Tech, he’d realised that you needed a different kind of comfort and that was okay. All that mattered to him was that it helped you.

You let the warmth of his soothing hold flow through your body, and you kept your voice hushed as you said, “I want you to know that it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you it all.”

“I know.” Hunter replied softly as he caringly caressed your back. He would not break away until you wanted to.

You pressed your face into the crook of his shoulder. Even though he had sent Tech your way, you didn’t want him to feel like he’d let you down or anything along that vein. “You did everything right. I needed you there… I still need you there. I can’t get through it without you but…” The words to describe just what it was Tech gifted you got lost and you frantically searched for them so he would know why you hadn’t just come to him with it.

The last thing Hunter needed or wanted was you feeling like you had to reassure him on the issue. “Sweetheart, all I wanted was for this to get easier for you. I know that there are emotions and parts of that experience on Tantiss that I will never fully understand- as much as that kills me, I wish none of it had happened to you or Tech in the first place but that doesn’t change the fact that it did. You needed more than a shoulder to lean on, and if Tech gave you that, then that’s all that matters to me. I won’t stop being there, whatever it is you need, I’m here.”

The wave of emotion came rushing back and tears threatened to spill from your eyes, and you found yourself pressing yourself tighter to him still so there were absolutely no gaps between you. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I love you, giving up is never an option.” Hunter murmured as he kissed the crown of your head.

“I love you too.” You croaked as you fought through the lump in your throat.

You stayed like that for a couple more minutes before you finally pulled away.

Hunter wiped away a few stray tears that had escaped your eyes. “Fancy an early night?”

“Yeah.” You said through a deep exhale as the exhaustion you’d been fighting with came crashing into you. “That sounds good.”

--

3 weeks later.

“How’s your pain? Anymore headaches?” You asked Hunter as the two of you wandered arm in arm through the main square. You had been keeping a watchful eye in the time that had passed but he hadn’t had any bad episodes of late.

“Everything feels back to normal.” Hunter replied. “And you? How are you sleeping these days?” From what he could tell, you were sleeping through the night but that didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t still there.

“No nightmares at all.” You said with a relieved sigh. The weight of what you’d endured was no longer keeping you down. It had no control over you anymore. You’d thrown yourself back into mediating again and that also seemed to help a lot.

You both walked in easy silence, smiling at the clones from Tantiss who had stayed and at the merchants shouting out enticing deals and offerings from their stalls as you passed by.  

“Although, there’s one thing I need…”

You glanced at him expectantly.

“Can you try it now? I should be fine.”

You hadn’t done it since settling down here in case it was too much. “You’re sure?” You double checked.

Hunter nodded. It was the final step to the normality that he craved.

You both paused and headed over to the side walkway of the colonnade that offered shelter from the open area. You reached out into his familiar Force signature, the connection you formed with it giving you an extra sense of security and warmth. How does this feel?

Hunter closed his eyes and breathed out a serene sigh as he heard your voice in his head, but it felt like everything finally clicked back into place. Then, he felt the gentle press of your lips against his. He reacted automatically and placed his hands on your waist as he returned the embrace.

“What was that for?” He whispered against your lips as you parted.

“It’s part of the check up process.” You murmured before you took half a step back to look at him properly, but you kept your arms looped around his neck so that he was still close to you.

Hunter gave you a fond smile. “Ah, of course.” He sweetly stroked his thumb along your jawline.

You shut your eyes and leaned into his touch.

“Are you happy?” Hunter asked after a few beats of silence.

You dropped your arms and looked at him in surprise. “Yes, of course I am!” You looked at him, worry furrowing across your brow. “What brought that on?”

Hunter awkwardly ran a hand through his hair. “I know things haven’t been easy since we arrived here. It didn’t get off to the peaceful start that I’d hoped for. I just want to make sure it’s still what you want and that you’re definitely feeling better.”

You were caught off guard by the emotions that caught in your throat. What did you do to deserve such a man? “I am very content and happy here; Hunter.” You took a hold of each of his hands. “I’m very content and happy being here with you.” You let out a faint, slightly embarrassed laugh, “I am very much in love with you, you silly man. Every day that I wake up beside you, every day that I get to come home to you and every day I just get to be around you is a day that reminds me that how lucky I am.” You removed your hands and lightly followed the lines of his face tattoo. “Are you happy?”

“Completely.” Hunter murmured as his eyes fluttered shut as he fell completely complaint under your touch.

“Good. Settling down here is what exactly what I want, things just weren’t settling down as quickly as I would’ve liked but it’s different now. We’re both doing much better, it’s a good thing.” You kissed his cheek and delicately brushed your fingers through the shorter strands of hair at the front of his head. I love you, that’s never changed, and it never will. Does that about cover everything?

“Almost.” Hunter said huskily as his own love for you overcame him.

Before you could question what he meant, he tugged you in tight to him and kissed you passionately. You felt him cradle the hinge of your jaw, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss and you granted him access without a second thought. You tangled your fingers in his hair and pressed yourself close to him. You allowed yourself a few minutes to just get lost in the pleasure he was giving you, but you remembered where you were and with a groan, you withdrew from his embrace.

It hurt you to pull away and from the way Hunter just insistently pushed you back against the stone column and carried on kissing and raking his teeth along your neck, he wasn’t impressed with stopping either. “We- we came here for groceries.” You hummed distractedly as you found yourself titling your head to give him easier access.

“So, we’ll get them tomorrow.” Hunter responded simply as he kissed behind your ear and brushed his fingers under your shirt and along the soft skin of your stomach.

“We have- have no f- food and-” You attempted to protest but now his mouth was doing wonderful things along your pulse point that was making you feel very lightheaded.

“That’s fine. What I’m in the mood for, only you can give me.” Hunter teasingly dipped his fingers just under the waistband of your leggings.

You forced yourself to get a grip before you were too far gone. “Get off.” You playfully shoved at his chest with an exasperated shake of your head.

Hunter inclined his head in surrender, “How about you shop, and I meet you at home?” He offered as he stopped his teasing and removed himself from you.

“Is this your bizarre way of just wanting to get out of a chore?” You joked, crossing your arms and feigning irritation.

“No, I just think that if I stay, we’re going to wind up getting done for public indecency and it would be entirely my fault.”

Despite his admission, you still saw a faint but lustful glint in his eyes and you knew he was envisioning precisely what would happen if the two of you remained by this column. And you knew both of you would decide it was worth the risk. You gulped as you hastily said before you lost control of yourself, “I’ll see you at home.”

Hunter released a low chuckle before he kissed you softly once more, the promise of what was to come still lingered behind the action despite his best attempts to keep it brief.

You took a few hesitant steps away him and then gathered yourself and went about your task- your walk brisker than before.

--

Hunter watched you before he moved out from the shelter of the pillar. He spotted Omega sitting with Lyana by the Maya tree. He called over to her.

“What’s up?” Omega asked breezily as she jogged over to him.

“Can you round up the boys and meet me at home? I’ll get Echo on comms.”

“How come?” Omega asked curiously.

“There’s a mission I’m gonna need all your help with. But it needs to just be the five of us.” He indicated to where you were making a purchase. “Think you can get Lyana to delay her return?”

“A mission? Then why can’t-” An excited gasp left her as she saw the silent but confirming look that Hunter gave her. They’d all been eagerly waiting for this. “Yes! I’m on it!” She sprinted off back to Lyana, chaotically relaying the instructions before she ran go find the others.

Hunter laughed to himself as he saw her enthusiastic departure before he hustled off back home and readied the comm channel for Echo. It didn’t take long for the clone to answer.

“You better be calling for the reason I hope you’re calling for.” Echo said by way of greeting.

“Think you can help me out?” Hunter replied with a validatory nod at the holoimage of Echo and he saw the way Echo’s shoulders lifted as he realised it was finally going to happen. Hunter had talked to them all about it in the days after arriving on Pabu and it had been met with an enthusiastic yet somehow still teasing response. It reminded him of how he felt back before the two of you officially got together, with the others just waiting for it to happen. He’d wanted to do it sooner, but your circumstances changed, and so he wanted to wait until both of you were recovered. And, whilst they’d all accepted his decision to hold off, they had been impatient for this day for both genuine well-being purposes but also because they wanted it for the two of you- his family were very supportive and insistent on him doing this. With things faring better, he felt comfortable doing it now. “I don’t want to take you away from anything urgent or-”

“Name it!” Echo said with a pleased smile.

Before he could get into what he needed Echo to do, he heard the door open. Hunter half-turned to see the crowd of eager and motivated faces made up of Omega and his brothers.  

All of them gathered round him and Echo’s hologram.

Hunter took a deep inhale and exhale. In a strange way, this was going to be one of the most important yet daunting missions he’d undertaken. “Alright, we don’t have long before she gets home. Here’s what I need…”

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @notgonnaedit, @arctrooper69, @andreaaxy, @dominoeffectsworld, @allthingsimagines , @nightmonkeysstuff , @jellybeanstacey0519 , @callsign-denmark , @superbookishhufflepuff , @qvnthesia @justsomerandompersonintheworld

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[crustaceousfaggot]

So I've been thinking a lot about the setting of Disco Elysium. Specifically it being set in late winter/early spring. It's not something I've really seen anyone else bring up.

I mean, the symbolism seems pretty obvious right? Spring is the time of new beginnings, winter is ending and we're entering a time of potential and rebirth. Definitely nothing new. But I think it goes beyond that.

I live in one of the coldest major cities in the world. Not *the* coldest, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a city with over 1,000,000 inhabitants that gets colder than it gets here. Winters are long and brutal and difficult, and when the soil itself is frozen and covered in a foot of packed snow it's really hard to believe that the world could look any other way.

And don't get me wrong, winter is beautiful. The world is quiet and picturesque. There's none of the usual dirt and debris in the streets because it's all buried under the snow. The way that fresh snow sparkles under street lights at night is one of the most breathtakingly gorgeous things I've ever seen.

It's early April right now, and the snow is melting. It's not all gone, but it's getting there. When the air starts to warm up there's this feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air. Spring is here, and any second now the world will be bursting with new life and beautiful greenery.

But it's not. Not yet.

For about a month and a half after the snow starts to melt, the world is grey. No glittering snow, no budding flowers, no swirling red leaves, just puddles of brown water and lawns of brown grass. It's like winter had ended, but the world has yet to realize that it's supposed to be spring. Until it remembers, we're all trapped in a world where there is no season at all.

Sometimes it snows, but the snow never sticks around. Sometimes it rains, but the rain never brings flowers in its wake.

That last month of winter, that first month of spring, whatever you want to call it, is my least favourite time of year. I heard it described once as "the long-preserved corpse of autumn, finally allowed to rot", and that phrase stuck with me. There are eight month old leaves on the ground, skeletal and bleached grey by a winter trapped under the ice. Without the snow to cover it, you can't ignore just how much we've let our city go to shit. The trees are bare and skeletal, and even the evergreens look washed out and grey when they're not contrasted against the snow. Most of the birds aren't back yet, so the only sound outside my window is the ever-present hum of traffic.

It's impossible to ignore the movement and the sounds of humanity, but at the same time the world has never felt so stagnant.

I think there are all sorts of comparisons you could draw here, some of which hold up better than others. The one that first comes to mind for me is sobriety- the line "Full recovery will take years, though. It’ll be depressing. And it’ll be boring. Don’t expect any further rewards or handclaps." from the "Waste Land Of Reality"o thought is one which really stuck with me on my first playthrough, and one which feels especially appropriate here. But that's just one angle.

How much of this was intentional? I don't know. Probably not most of it. Part of me just wanted to go on a little tangent about the seasonal purgatory I'm trapped in once again. But I genuinely don't think there could be a better time of year to set a game like Disco Elysium. That bleak dusty shoulder season, where all the ugliest and most honest parts of nature and civilization are on display. The time of year where I've gone through the ringer and come out the other side, but everything still looks and feels like shit. It's just a different kind of shit.

Spring isn't here. Not yet. And when it does come, it won't fix anything. There will still be garbage on the ground and pollution in the air, there will still be class inequality and senseless violence and I will still be mentally ill.

But still.

For the first time in months, I can feel the wind against my skin without it hurting.

Whatever that's worth.

[andhumanslovedstories]

hi! i'm gonna overshare a little bit but i'm doing my nursing prereqs right now and i'm really worried. i'm kind of really mentally ill and i've been worrying recently if nursing is worth it. i want to help people and it sounds so interesting and i love medical stuff but i don't want to get burnt out with the stress and long hours. someone told me that nursing is a lot like being a restaurant server, and i don't want to go to school and get a degree and a career that's literally just serving again. is it satisfying? is it rewarding? is it soul-killing? i'm scared

hi there! I'll overshare in return! I'm just coming off three months of disability for burnout (which for me is just depression but with a name you can use in the workplace). My job didn't cause my depression, but it certainly exacerbated it. The hours, the stress, the constant exposure to people suffering and the limits on your ability to do something about it, all those suck and they can break your brain. (On the other hand, I've been majorly depressed while working at an ice cream parlor where the walk-in freezer was for smoking weed. You can be depressed anywhere.)

And it is a hard job! Harder in some parts of the field than others. Different places have different nursing cultures, different laws, different staffing, etc. Where I work, there's good protection and advocacy for nursing. That's not true everywhere.

With all that said--I really like nursing. I get to do work that I know contributes good to the world. I get to solve very practical problems. I meet people I would never otherwise meet. I have the opportunity every shift to do something that I am proud of. And a lot of times, I find it fun! It's fun to brainstorm how to make someone who's been puking all night feel better. It's fun to see your efforts rewarded, even in small ways. It's fun to stop something before it becomes an emergency. It's fun bustling around, juggling a dozen different things. It's not ALWAYS fun. But for me, the work is not just meaningful but also enjoyable.

That's how I knew I had bad burnout btw. Even when things went well and I did work I was proud of, every shift was such a fucking slog.

If you are interested in the basic work of nursing (managing the human response to illness and promoting health), then there's a million and one jobs you can do with a nursing degree. They cater to different traits. I've discovered I really like precepting new nurses, I like working on the floor with its routine and concrete goals, and I like symptom management. I don't like critical care or the emergency department or working on stuff that isn't patient care, like paperwork and charge nursing. I like novelty but not chaos. I like independence but not being left entirely to my own devices. I like that I physically cannot take any of my work home. I do not like being on committees. So for me, right now at this point in my life, I like being a basic med-surg night shift float pool nurse. I would be absolutely miserable as a neuro ICU critical care day shift nurse. I would be bored to death being an inpatient rehab night nurse. Being a nurse manager would probably make me suicidal again.

If you find the basic work interesting and rewarding, you can tailor it to your taste. (I can't recommend floor nursing enough for the adhd havers amongst us.)

and last thing, regarding mental illness: I think a lot of nurses (and ppl in healthcare in general) struggle with mental illness way more than they think they do. Someone who knows they have depression and works to manage it will likely be more resilient than someone endlessly pushing through their fatigue and misery. Probably a better nurse, too. I take meds, go to therapy, get sleep, push myself to eat, take sick days, protect my limited energy, do physical activity--I'm a gym girlie now!!--because I'm treating a disease I know that I have. Just knowing that there's something up with your brain and doing something about it puts you way ahead like half of the people who work the emergency department.

[novaazurite]

Making my grand return after 3 weeks of inactivity! (Though I may not be active all the time) Lets talk about TPOT 14!

While I did enjoy this episode a lot, the only downside I have with it is how it was a little too fast paced, I can handle that for BFDIA, but I think knowing how TPOT usually is maybe it was a little offputting, I might need to do a rewatch, but I remember a lot from the episode so im still goin with this post.

So with that said...lets start the ramble session!

So I just want to point out how Pencil is clearly living in the past on how obsessed she is to desprately reform FreeSmart by getting Book and Ice Cube, idk why it just feels funny and weird, you can clearly tell how uncomfortable they were in this and last episode that they want nothing to do with her, whatever the hell she did to them in IDFB (im still having thoughts the 'FreeSmart downfall' is gonna hppen in IDFB with Match being the first to leave the LOL.)

Ill admit the shot of the new TCOA was pretty cool, I like it when they implement 3d things into BFDI

Now... onto the CAS. I freaked out so bad in vc when I saw Pin and Ice Cube safe, ik Taggy and Book was gonna be safe so i didnt worry, but felt like Pin was in danger because she couldnt do much being stuck to Gaty, I thought Icy was gonna be out because she was used just to try and kill the fish monster, she couldnt really do much. But OH MY GOD.

I FUCKING GOT IT RIGHT. FOR A WHILE I HAD A FEELING ERASER AND GATY WAS GONNA BE OUT. Ill be honest Eraser didnt have much going on anymore because of Teardrop being eliminated in TPOT 9, so what else did he have left? I dont know exactly, I really had expected him getting out. Now TREE? I didnt expect him to be in the bottom 2, I thought he would be third to last safe, Pin and Gaty being bottom two because both of them didnt do much but be stabbed and used as a weapon by Robot Flower. As much as I love Gaty, I had a feeling she was gonna be out, and finding out I was right about her and Eraser being out made me insanely shocked. The first time I ever got a TPOT prediction right, though I thought One was gonna immediately snatch them up soon after, but good thing Book took notice of it and try to have and her, alongside Pin try to keep Gaty safe. While the others threw Eraser around basically.

Now im glad we got to see the elimination space again, and seeing the others are trying to escape, Fries and Puffball trying to break what seems to be a barrier? Also I noticed Saw, Nickel and Coiny are not there, ik they arent snatched by One but maybe theyre somewhere?

This genuinely made me sad, I had a really good feeling Two was gonna be upset about Gaty being out, I was definetly aware they couldnt bring themself to send her to the elimination space knowing how close she is to them, I didnt expect them to send her to kitchen, however, seeing the scene of One staring at her makes me feel like Two should had sent her there, Gaty is at risk of being snatched, which is gonna upset them even more or hell, send them into a panic, from what ive seen, they seem to brush off the fact Bell/Bomby/Barf Bag/Needle are missing, but what happens if Gaty disappears? Will they try to keep running the show? Theres a lot of predictions you can go off from.

I just wanna show this screenshot its so funny that Taggy is just staring at Book like this 😭😭😭

Glad to see Firey Jr again!

Its funny how DPYA tried to do the same thing from last episode trying to defeat that venus flytrap(?), like sure that would totally work again.

Kind of like how Pin thought doing this again was gonna work in BFDIA 15, LOL.

Closing out my post on the post credits scene, I kind of wonder where the other exitors went. I completely freaked out seeing Match end up in the Pillary Ruins, and this shot here is so cool like.... Knowing last episode we saw Firey and Leafy, are we gonna see more of the BFB contestants again? I wonder what they will have for the plot in future episodes...

And something tells me FreeSmart may reform again, knowing Match is with Ruby and Bubble, and apparently Pencil trying to get Ice Cube and Book back, though its not gonna happen.

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

[rozugold]

Ok ramble time

Ok imagine you’re Tubbo. You just got your distant brother figure and your bestie off that damn mountain, though not in the most ideal way (I will make those comics eventuallyyy)

But that’s beside the point. You saved your best friend! You did something right for once! Except sike! your best friend hates you now, and you kind of hate him too (you let him know as much) then you guys stop talking. Which is fine, i mean, it’s not like he was your entire world.

You return to Snowchester! It’s a ghost town, obviously. There’s a memorial of you, decorated with fresh flowers and dusty knick knacks. The flowers are from Ranboo, he’s pretty sweet. He’s also been the one to upkeep your town while you were gone. You hang out with them a lot, they’re the only one who sticks around these days. They’re pretty sweet.

You try to go back to doing the things you did before you died. There’s those nukes you never finished making, so you work on them. And you work on them. And you work on them. And you get nothing done. Your brain feels scattered and far away, it’s impossible to focus. So you give it a break, you can afford to. It’s pretty safe these days with Dream gone, you know because you keep tabs on everyone on the server. There’s some strange things going on here and there but nothing too concerning. You hang out with Ranboo more.

Ah fuck, you two find a baby. It’s a piglin, infected but not fully zombified as it has enough thought to run up to you two for help. So you take it back to snowchester and give it potions to stop the infection. Ranboo is worried it won’t work, you tell him it probably won’t. But you reassure him that if it doesn’t, you’ll take it back to the nether to let it “live” out the rest of it’s days. (Do zombies live?) Ranboo spends the night in your attic with the piglin. He’s pretty sweet. Regardless you tell him to not keep his hopes up too high.

Next morning, it worked! You “dub thee Michael!” Ranboo is relieved. There’s a kid living in your house now.

There’s a kid living in his house now. The timeline becomes unclear at this point since I’m still figuring it out. But now that Michael is in the picture Tubbo starts getting worried. He realizes he has no way of protecting him. Maybe the syndicate come visit Snowchester and that shocks him into thinking about the nukes again. And so Tubbo starts throwing himself into projects again. And it starts getting ✨bad ✨

Honestly, It’s been really fun figuring out how Tubbo deteriorates because everything is so internal with him compared to Tommy. It’s obvious with Tommy, you could see him visibly fall apart (think his exile skins, he stops feeding himself, he doesn’t care when he takes damage) But with Tubbo it isn’t so obvious, atleast not right away. Sure his eye bags get darker and he stares off into space for a little too long. But he still looks put together. (Habitable maybe. Or a learned skill.)

Maybe he eventually gets the nukes working but they’re not as successful as he wanted them to be and that guts him. He takes it as another failure. What if he’s just cursed? Is everything he cares about forever doomed to feel like holding water in his hands? What is wrong with him?

I’m gonna share a song and explain this next part using its lyrics because I’m so ILL over it, it’s the most di!tubbo song ever. Throw on …Well, better than the alternative by Will Wood 👍

Tubbo’s feelings towards Michael is complicated… He absolutely loves him to death but he’s really apprehensive about being a dad. He has this fear that he’s going to somehow corrupt Michael and or fail to keep him safe. So he ends up becoming emotionally distant from him and at his worst he gives him up completely to Ranboo.

I think Ranboo and Tubbo get married as a joke at first. But Ranboo continues to love him so unconditionally and honestly and Tubbo catches a crush, which is absolute HELL for him at first sjdhdj. I imagine him being arospec so this crush is a completely new and surprising feeling and he doesn’t know how to handle it. So he doesn’t, and keeps playing it as a joke even as their relationship develops.

Also the repeat of “everybody’s up on everybody’s business” is very fitting for describing the server. There’s things to be developed here I just haven’t yet… I’m just thinking about the possibilities like the egg, the syndicate, las nevadas… hmmm

This song is begging to be made into an animatic because I can imagine Tubbo screaming at Tommy during this part. He was just trying to help the best way he could… yet things still end badly, and everyone ends up hurt… di!clingy oh di!clingy, they’re such a mess. A bitter, angry, grieving mess. Wait ok i wasn’t planning on writing grieving there but then my next thought was “who are they grieving?” EACH OTHER. THEY’RE GRIEVING EACH OTHER. o(-(

Ok that’s it. Phew that was a lot of writing. Here’s some drawings for your time

[ghostieyanyan]

Hey I really like the secret musician Mc, could I request Yan Jamil and Azul reacting?

yesss i love those two so much. But since I just did the octavinelle, I’m gonna to do scarabia, if that’s okay.

i admit that this is probably not my proudest work but i do like the ideas in it. maybe ill re write it in the future but honestly i don't have much brain capacity to re read this again and check it again. (I've done that so many time that im so tired of see this in my drafts, im so sorry xD

~Musical!mc~

Yan!Kalim x mc

Yan!Jamil x mc

Warning: yandere, obsessive nature, slight-nsfw, drugs mention (in art form), kidnapping mention,

~~~~~

Kalim

Kalim actual found out that you can sing first, Jamil wasnt happy that kalim found out first but what can you do?

He was on his way to the ramshackle dorm to invite you and Grim to a party he was throwing at Scarabia. He was really excited about it. Going through all his plans in his head. They were gonna get colorful balloons and fun games, lots of food and dancing.

But in the middle of his through, he stopped and heard something, a sweet melody. He's heard the melody before but the lyrics were new. but where is it coming from?

Like having no sense of dangerous, he started to look around for the reason. And then he saw you… through a window.

You were cleaning in the Ramshackle and singing as you did so. He was mesmerized, like he was getting hypnotized or charmed. then it clicked! That’s why he’s heard it before! He caught you humming the melody before when you and grim decided to support Ace, Jamil, and Floyd in their basketball game.

It’s was before they were playing and everyone was just getting into their seats. Since he got a special seating, where there's lot of room, vip seating, he offered a seat or 2 for you and grim. He was playing with grim when he heard it for a second. It was too short and too loud in the gym to process the melody but boy does it sounded nice. And its been in his head for a long while. He might have even tried to copy the melody or try to continue but he couldn’t, it didn’t feel right. But with how you sang it, it was just perfect! Your melody to him was like a siren calling him closer, until it’s practically trying to crawl inside.

When you finally noticed him with a quick scream. Kalim had to apologize and had to ask how you didn’t tell him about your musical talents? You should join the music club! Everyone will love you. If you tell him you were shy or that you don’t like the idea of performing in front of others. He’ll be insistent on helping you and tell you that you’re amazing. He’ll even bring the music club to show you. You be a star!

To be honest, he was 50/50 on wanting you to share you talent but he also want you to be his personal song bird. He’ll feel guilty about keeping you to himself but he’s spoiled… he doesn’t know what to do~~~

He asked Jamil on what he thoughts, can who would know him better than his best friend!!

~~~~~

Jamil

Jamil hated everything of this. How didn’t he noticed you could sing?! And how did Kalim find out before him? Has he been that busy and oblivious? Not fair. But he can’t worry about that now, now he has to worry about kalim wanting you! No, you are his! But he did want to hear you sing… he had to make a plan.

He decided that he’ll “stop by” just to see if you’ll sing for him. Which is very childish but he'd rather do a 1 on 1 sessions than the entirety of the music club taking you or even kalim being near you. Kalim has had you long enough!

If you are too shy to sing in front of jamil, he might encourage you by singing together. He does know he has a pretty silky smooth singing voice. You two would sound perfect together, like it was meant to be.

Your voice is like a snake charmer to him. Hell, do whatever you want and take care of you. He'd honestly wish you were his master instead. But he also like the idea of being the one in control. You're his so its only fair of you'll only sing for him. He'll love to sing more together. He'll love to fall asleep with you in his arms, singing him a melody that will melt his stress away as he dreams about having a life with you in his dreams

He has fallen for you so hard that he just wants to run away with you. Travel the world and see amazing places. You two will be a power couple! If there’s trouble, he’s prefect to fix it. Food, safety, awareness, smart, good looking, handsome, is there anything Jamil cant do? The only problem is that he needs you to fall for him. If you fall for him then everything will fall to place, perfectly. He would have to be tempted to hurt anyone who got too close. But thats a lot of variables in this situation, but he can handle it. He will handle anything for you. Jamil will move mountains for you. Or mind control someone strong enough to move it.

But for right now, what he allows himself to do, without being too suspicious, is whenever you come over to Kalim’s crazy childish parties, he’ll take you away for the last quarter of the party and have you sing for him. Just him. It’s enough time for no one to notice and if anyone ask? You’re using the restroom. Or you went to get some food or a drink. No one will notice a thing. Even kalim, with his puppy dog personality, will be distracted by the party. Kalim won't mind if you become his...

[ceedaryaps]

Iron flame yap seshh: Characters

Hiyyaaaaahhhhhhhh I don't have much of an intro this time so were going straight into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Violet & Zaden: If I thought they annoyed me before OHH BROTHERR. The lack of communication between these two is astounding. "Why didn't you tell me." "You didn't ask" "I DID ask." "Well, you didn't ask the right questions." ..................dpmo. I love them but they're so annoying I'm sorry and then when Violent found out ole girl has the same fighting style bc Zaden trained her too!!?? Violet wasn't mad enough for me. Then after he heard that girl tell Violet that Zaden only wanted her for sex what does he do? Try to have sex with Violet. IDk Violet is a much better woman than me I would have killed him. I do love that Violet clocked him and was like "You're acting like Dain." CLOCK HIM AGAIN. The Zaden being vennin at the end ugh what is even going awnnnnnn. In my opinion Violet should have been a lot meaner and Zaden.....for god's sake, I'm tired of the angsty man act can't lie. (Kudos to Violet for withstanding torture and knowing not to drink that shit the second time around THATS MY GIRL)

Rhiannon: Opinion hasn't changed. Queen.

Dain: This is not a complete redemption bc I still don't like the fact that he's still "Are you SURE you want him Violet." But I enjoy that he grew a brain and sided with the right folks. Like busting her out of there? I won't call him king but he at least gets Squire status.

Aaric Graycastle: "Keep ur fucking boyfriend away from me." Oh yeah, I fuck with him. Is someone not a suck-up to Zaden and not afraid to actually try to go at him? I sense a new fav.

Andarna: Princess Andarna wants blood and blood she will get, I kinda expected her to be different in some way so her scales changing was not a huge surprise but it was nice. Also despite the rules the dragons have in place she absolutely bodied that other dragon for Violet and ugh I love Andarna so much yall don't understand.

Tairn & Sgayel: I'm putting these two together bc man that scene where Tairn finds out that not only Zaden kept something from Violet but more importantly Sgayel kept something from Tairn!!!???? Gods I love these two as mates but that scene hurts my feelings. Also Dad!Tairn constantly being like "Andarna no." is my new fav thing.

Momma Sorrengail: Yanno.......I dont think I dislike her as much as I did, especially because she ended up helping but like...idk. I think id be like Brennan and just be like "Eh fuck you kinda?" like idk how to truly feel about her after iron flame. Its a complicated I don't like her but thanks we couldn't have done it without her? Pulled through for her kids ig so go momma Sorrengail.

Jack Barlowe: WHAT.THE.FUCK what. WHAT. First off, how are you alive, second why are you alive, third SAVED VIOLET?, fourth VENIN? fith KILLING BAIDE?! Someone kill him for good ZADEN DO UR THING like double tap make sure he STAYS down.

Brennan: no overwhelming feelings tbh. I understand his attitude towards Lilith tho def deserved it.

Catronia: I dont like her, Violet should have beat her ass WORSE. And like yeah mind powers are invasive but amplifying someone's EMOTIONS?! Yeah she sucks. And being mad at Violet bc of a fuck ass crown girl get REAL. Showing up in a see-through gown at Zaden's door? You dirty skank bitch she better be next on the off list especially her sparring match with Violet. IDGAF if she helped later fuck Cat.

Ridoc: "The map is under my mattress." King. So in love with him. Can we stop giving him near-death experiences pls ill cry.

Sawyer:....... don't do this to me man he better be okay.

Jesina: Queen pulled through for the translations a smart baddie queen love that for her tbh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay yall that's all I got for now, it was gonna be posted earlier but I went through a breakup and college got busyyyy hopefully I can give my thoughts on the actual plot of Iron flame soon!

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I REACHED POST LIMIT SO HERES MY POST FROM 9:20 ONWARD

"Goodbye my three little ones, your father has to go"

"Im sorry chat, i guess ill just speak from the heart. the way i lost dapper and pomme i dont think i really.. had time to process, so losing him like this feels like losing all three of them at the same time"

Visiting bagis... poor zeno fucking died to a rooster LMAO i missed bagis place so fucking bad

searching for pepito.... where is my baby.... where is my little pepito, there pepito is

Bad doesnt really know what to do with himself, hes still sad but richas is like. Officially gone. Which is a crazy thing to process. I was having a hard time dealing with it but i think richas' final goodbye made me feel a lot better about it,it doesnt feel like theres a nail in the back of my brain now, im a little more content with this at least. Wont really be happy about it, but more content with it

We're gonna go leave a richas flower (blue orchid) at bagi's old base <3 just like how we left a cornflower at a place special to pomme.

hehehe agent 18/panks_ is in chat and theyre tormenting bad for fun

Offering pepito the opportunity to visit one last place, bad plans on coming back and visiting a couple final places sometime soon, not tonight but soon. Probably gonna end after pepito picks where to go

pepito cant think of anywhere, bads picking one more place to go

PEPITO TIME AT THE OFFICIAL DAPPER TIME SPOT??? LETS GOOOOO

Pepitos gonna be temporarily dapper while in the official dapper time spot <333

bads back, i got so comfortable in the old house that i forgot we have to leave. Just a wave of sadness washed over me, it feels like leaving home all over again, it feels like we should be able to walk into the old spawn from dappers train station and see pierre and pomme and etoiles again

pomme in chat... assuring bad she and dapper wont be leaving any time soon. Bad promises us he has some really fun stuff hes been working on he thinks we'll enjoy, this journey isnt over

while waiting for pepito we're reminiscing on when he had to triangulate the Dont have Your Gun thing that was playing that he couldnt find LMAO

currently visiting the old subway bad was building with dapper underground.... the new terrain generation generated a FULL end city RIGHT next to it!!!!

gonna visit bobby fields another day, thats another day issue, but dapper wanted to go see it with him lol

Bad found out Lullah and Richas were leaving yesterday, sounds like he didnt know chay was leaving till today

BOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO IS HERE!!!! HELLO BOO!!!!!!

Pepitos playing around in the balloons Boo left <33

Bad: Yeah i remember when pomme and dapper came in one of these end cities and scared the muffins out of me Pomme: ?????? Pomme: bro you were dead Bad: I STILL REMEMBER.......

We're gonna go play Wordlos (or however you spell it) one last time before leaving the old spawn <3 gonna see if we can get it to work!!!

kinda works!!! Kinda!!! It mostly works!!!! gonna play!!!!!

"I am so proud of your spanish uncle bad!!! its a great advance to know how to explain something, its the most important thing"

We're looking at the paintings, this is it for the day. Richas logged off with bads statue painting so hes probably never gonna see that again LMAO "thats why we get screenshots"

Pepitos saying a little goodnight to the ghosties <33 pepitos gonna eat all of us up because we're so cute. "I see everything, too. EVERYTHIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG". Pepitos telling us to rest, eat, and drink water, and do our favorite things. We deserve it, to remember not to be sad it ended but be happy it happened at all <3

Bads planning on streaming tomorrow, hes not 100% sure what we'll be doing but he isnt gonna let this crank his steam

Pepitos planning on getting on tomorrow! or whenever! pepito doesnt know when pepito gets on LMAO

Thats all for todays stream, ending at 10:15, goodnight bad, richas, pomme, and dapper <3