#ill figure it all out eventually when i feel like dealing with it because right now i choose to ignore it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ssadumba55 · 2 years ago

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Sixth Spirit (Mentor!Elsa x Fem!Niece!Reader)

Request: Hi,so I was wondering if there was a thing that could write. So I read Being Kristoff and Annas Daughter and I was wondering if you could do a full story with 1000+ words. Like they have a daughter and when she turns 13, she starts displaying stuff and before that, Elsa has a dream of there being another spirit, a spirit that is one with al lelements but is most strong in dark and light, goes with being able to bend it. Daughter gets freaked when this happens,and they seek help, which they find in the boy that she has been bethrothed to, and he is the only way she keeps in control. Elsa mentor stuff.Ty!

Elsa was trying not to panic, but that’s always easier said than done. Ever since she’d had that dream it’s consumed her waking thoughts. She paced the floor, caught up in her thoughts until she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Elsa, if the dream is worrying you this much, maybe we should go see your sister-”

“She has enough to deal with, ruling the kingdom, raising (Y/n). Why worry her over a silly dream? We don’t even know if it will come to fruition, I’ve never had dreams that tell the future before…” She rubbed her arms, trying to calm herself down but the uneasy feeling refused to chase itself down.

Honeymaren wasn’t convinced, she could tell this dream was eating Elsa up from the inside but she was strong. She’d never admit it.

The two sat in silence for a while. The uneasy feeling seemed to grow in the silence between them, but neither wanted to address it.

Finally, Elsa got to her feet. “Perhaps you’re right though, even if I don’t want to burden her with my problems, in the past Anna has always played a big part in helping me figure these things out. And even if she offers no assistance, it will be nice to see my niece again.”

There was a determined look on her face, the kind of look she got when she was resolute in her decision. It was nice to see a little of the regular Elsa after she’d been stressing for weeks, consumed completely in her own anxieties.

She bid Honeymaren good night, after promising she wouldn’t leave the next day before she was able to be seen off. Returning to her own space for the night, she didn’t actually end up sleeping but it was nice to worry and stress in peace. Tomorrow, she’d see her sister and figure out this dream once and for all. Tonight, she decided as she settled in for the night, she could rest easy knowing a solution would soon be worked out.

Meanwhile in Arendelle, there was quite a stir being made. The princess was turning thirteen years old and there was to be quite the party for it. Not only was everyone excited to celebrate the princess’ birth, but tonight would be the first night she would meet her betrothed. The prince of the Southern Isles, the union was supposed to form an alliance between the two kingdoms and finally put to rest any ill will between them caused by Hans many moons ago.

Although Queen Anna and King Kristoff were firm believers in true love and the power it possesses, they were also realists who had to do the best for the kingdom. All things aside, the prince was said to be quite a catch, a gentleman and it stood to reason that the two might eventually fall in love anyway. If not, Anna always reasoned they could call off the betrothal. But for now, keeping the peace and upholding tradition seemed to be the way to go.

(Y/n) certainly never complained. Maybe it was because her head had been filled with stories of true love since she was a child, or maybe she was just very open minded, whatever the case she was eager to meet the prince. Even if they didn’t immediately hit it off and fall in love, surely he would provide decent companionship. It was hard for a princess to make friends. There was no one in the castle her age and the townsfolk were nice, but they would never understand the struggles and day to day issues a young princess had to go through.

A prince was a worthy friend, which is why she was currently pacing her room, fretting over what she would wear. There were a lot of options and she was freaking out. Maybe a little more than she needed to.

“Mom!” She called down the hallway, desperate for some aid from someone other than her servants. They only told her what she wanted to hear, she needed someone to tell her as it is. But it seemed the Queen was currently occupied with something else because there was no reply from the rest of the castle.

She began to pace once more and her servant, a kind lady named Lucille bowed her head. “If you give me a moment, princess, I can go find the Queen for you and bring her back.”

“Would you, please? I could really use her help! Thank you so much, Lucille. I’m sorry for being such a hassle.”

The woman chuckled as she made her way to the door, shaking her head. “You’re never a hassle, princess. This is nothing your mother and her mother never had to deal with. It’s the curse of royalty, I’m afraid. Too many clothes, never know what to wear.”

She left the child alone in her chambers to continue to pace while she waited. After dressing, she’d have to worry about her hair and then she needed to find the perfect shoes and the party was starting in an hour so if she wasn’t ready by then guests would start to wonder-

As her thoughts began to spiral, the lights in the room flickered. Too consumed in her own mind she didn’t notice until too late every lamp in the room turned blindingly bright and promptly went out. The young girl shrieked, now standing in pitch darkness in her undergarments.

The sound of the door opening a moment later startled her and tears began to slide down her cheeks.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)? What happened? Why is it so dark in here?”

The sound of her mother’s voice was a relief and she waited as someone scurried about relighting the lights in the room. When the light had returned, she realized her mother and Lucille weren’t the only ones who had come. Her father, probably hearing her shriek, was standing in the door looking slightly breathless. And at her mother’s side was-

“Aunt Elsa!” She squealed, running to hug her. Momentarily the fear she had just felt was forgotten as she hugged her aunt, not having expected her to come all this way just for her birthday. She was a busy woman, after all, her mother constantly reminded her. Being a nature spirit was hard work and demanded a lot of attention.

Her aunt's arms wrapped around her and she was momentarily shocked by how cold she was. It was funny, sometimes she did in fact feel warm and other times, she felt cold as ice. Usually when she was upset or excited and unable to control her powers.

Kristoff cleared his throat, clearly still worried. “I heard you shriek though, is everything alright?”

Suddenly, all at once the memories of before came rushing back, startling the poor princess. She looked around the room searching for something that could’ve made the lights react the way they did, but save for the occupants in the room now, nothing was out of place.

“I was just… worried about getting ready for the party and suddenly the lights went out…”

The adults all exchanged looks, but their expressions were unreadable. After a few moments, Anna and Elsa stepped into motion helping the young girl finish getting ready while Lucille and Kristoff returned to the hustle and bustle elsewhere in the castle.

Neither Anna or Elsa said anything as they helped her get into her dress for the evening’s festivities. It was quite obvious, however, that they were thinking something as they shared looks over her head out of eyeshot of the teenager.

There was so much going on though, that eventually the two sisters settled into helping out and forgot all about the weird occurrence. After all, it was a one time thing, right?

As (Y/N) would soon find out, this was in fact wrong.

The prince she was to be betrothed to would be arriving to the party late. The Southern Isles were a great distance from Arendelle, so it was to be expected that they wouldn’t arrive exactly on time but the longer he took the more nervous the princess became.

It started as little things, the lights flickered, the water in her cup danced, the plants decorating the ballroom seemed to move as if on their own… It was only once her water cup completely froze as she stood watching her parents dance did she realize that all of these things were related. Even worse than them being related though, they could all be traced back to her. She was the origin of them.

She dropped her glass on the table as if it were hot coals. Beside her, Aunt Elsa raised an eyebrow.

“I- I need some air…”

“(Y/n)...”

“I’ll be back I swear!”

She collapsed on the fountain in the courtyard, stomach dropping. No one else was around. Studying her hands, she reached a tentative finger out to touch the water in the fountain. It froze under her touch, in much the same way her aunt’s powers did.

No matter how hard she tried though, unlike her Aunt Elsa, she couldn’t unfreeze it. The more she panicked, chest tightening, frustration building the more things around her started to go haywire. The lanterns that were lit blinked and flickered, the trees and bushes moved, a wind was starting to pick up.

“I hope it’s alright, your aunt told me I might find you out here.”

All at once everything stopped, returning to the way it had been forever. All except the fountain, of course. She turned, surprised that someone else was here.

He stepped up to the fountain beside her.

“I’m William. You know, of the Southern Isles. It’s a pleasure to meet you…”

He was handsome, it reminded the girl of the stories her mother and aunt used to tell her about how her parents had met. A man named Hans, broad shoulders, fiery red hair, a kind smile. She could see some of him in William. The hair, the broad shoulders. That’s where the similarities ended, after all Hans was his uncle. Not closely enough related to actually contribute to his genetics. Most of the family must have red hair and broad shoulders.

As if suddenly remembering her manners, she performed a clumsy curtsy.

“Princess (Y/n) of Arendelle.”

“Happy birthday…” He smiled awkwardly. The two teens fell into an uncomfortable silence. He pointed to the fountain after a few moments. “Did your aunt do this?”

Elsa’s reputation preceded her. Almost everyone who knew of Arendelle knew of the magical once queen who could create ice and snow. The young princess didn’t know how to respond. This was supposed to be a boy who would be her friend, on one hand she didn’t want to lie to him… on the other hand, would he want to be friends if he knew what she could do? What she had only just figured out she could do?

She painstakingly wracked her brain for the right answer.

“Promse you won’t tell anyone?”

“I’m really good at keeping secrets.”

She studied his face for a hint of the deceit that his uncle had once shown her mother, but she found nothing. Well, there was nothing really to lose from this then anyway.

“It was me. I think I’ve got my own set of powers, they’ve been causing me trouble all night. I didn’t even realize it was me until… just now. I froze the fountain… but I can’t figure out how to unfreeze it.”

William didn’t seem the least bit fazed. He leant over the fountain, touching the ice with his fingers, thoughtfully.

“Well, how does your aunt do it?”

“I don’t know, I never asked her.”

Gently he placed his hand over hers, meeting her eyes to make sure it was alright before placing her hand on the ice. She had never really been this close to someone her age before, the thought made her feel a little warm. One day, if she chose to, she might end up marrying him. When she’d first heard of the idea, she’d been a little skeptical albeit excited for a friend. Now though she could see it. His hand was sturdy, guiding.

“Look!” He cried out in elation, and it was only then that she realized she was no longer touching ice under her fingers but water. The water danced and moved a bit unnaturally under her fingertips. “How are you doing that?”

“I don’t know!” The two teens sat and watched the water under her fingertips for a few moments. It was only after they got over the initial shock of the ice melting that he realized he was still holding her hand. Quickly, he pulled it away, cheeks heating up.

The water stopped it’s mesmerizing dance once he did so and the sound of footsteps, snapped them both back to reality.

Elsa, Anna and Kristoff had snuck away from the party to check on the princess. And they’d arrived just in time to witness the entire scene of the ice melting. There was more than a little shock. Standing there in the courtyard, Elsa revealed the real reason she had come back to Arendelle, the strange vision she’d had about a sixth spirit.

The sixth spirit could wield the powers of all the elements, earth, air, fire, water and snow, plus the dark and the light. She admitted she’d suspected her niece from the moment the lights had gone out in her chambers hours prior, but hadn’t been for certain until she’d seen the glass.

“I’m a spirit!?” She backed away from the rest of the group. “I can’t control them! I’m dangerous! What if-”

Her aunt gently placed a hand on her shoulder, tilting her chin so she’d look up at her. “My parents, your grandparents, hid my powers. They taught me they were something to be feared and ashamed of. But they’re not a burden, they’re a gift. One you should be proud of. I promise I’ll teach you how to use them properly. Your parents and I won’t let you hurt anyone.”

“This doesn’t change a thing about you, you’re still the same person. And we’ll get through this, as a family.” Anna assured her daughter. There was assent from Kristoff at her side.

Behind them, William cleared his throat. The small family had forgotten he was even there, he had blended so well into the background. “If I may, I would also like to stick around and help. If that’s okay.”

She looked around at all the people she cared about, even if one was a work in progress. With people like this by her side, she realized, the journey would still be a long one but she could face it. She definitely wouldn’t be doing so alone.

“Come on, there’s still a party and powers or not, you’re still a birthday girl. Tomorrow, we can get down to business.” Elsa guided her niece back in the direction of the castle. William grinned.

“If you’re up for it, I could go for a dance.”

“Alright, but be warned, I have two left feet.”

Elsa watched as the prince guided the girl to the dance floor, their animated chatter could be heard even through all the hubbub of the party around them. Kristoff crossed his arms over his chest.

“They grow up so fast don’t they?” He asked, the tone of a bittersweet father watching his baby grow up.

“Yeah… They do.” Elsa smiled.

As the girl apologized profusely for stepping on her suitors toes for the third time, much to his amusement and delight, she couldn’t help but be thankful. She had been given the miracle and gift of guiding someone along this wonderful path, her niece wouldn’t be alone like she had. She’d be surrounded by people who loved her, cared for her.

And when the time came, she’d make a wonderful ruler of Arendelle, just like her mother before her. Elsa was sure of it.

#frozen imagine #elsa imagine #elsa x reader #disney imagine #female reader #female imagine

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thoroughlymodernminutia · 11 months ago

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This Christmas - Prequel

Pairing: Benny "Borracho" Magalon x F!Reader

Word count: 8,219

Summary: This is a prequel of sorts to this from last year. It’s basically the how Benny and the reader met, etc

Warnings: Mostly Hallmark-style fluffy stuff, lots of pining, but brief mention of loss, guilt, some foul language. If I missed anything else let me know and I'll add it in.

A/N: I don’t know folks, I started writing this and was really chugging along and had a whole plan for how I wanted this to be. Then I got sick with everyone’s favorite illness from 2020 and lost a lot steam. I found, I think, a happy compromise with myself because I wanted to post this before Christmas (self imposed deadlines am I right?) and realized I can always I don’t know, post more parts of it later?? I am my own worst critic so if you read this and it isn’t your jam, please don’t say anything lol I’ve probably already thought it, so it would be redundant! Also, clearly, I do not know the proper use of a semicolon, or an em dash and I don't have an editor, so we'll all just have to deal. Anyways, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, all that jazz

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It’s a little after six in the morning and they still haven’t rolled in. Usually, the five of them would have been here for an hour already; a few hungover, one still drunk, and the fifth one acting like an adult babysitter for the other four. It’s weird how this happens–people come into your little donut shop and after a while, instead of you becoming part of their routine, they become part of yours. Eventually they start to feel like stand-ins for the friends you hardly ever get to see. You’re busy with your business and they’re busy with their jobs and families.

It could feel lonely, but you have people like Noreen, who comes in every Friday to buy three dozen assorted donuts for her team. Noreen is kind and not the type of person you envision working at a private equity firm. When you were thinking about expanding into the small space next door, she looked at your plan and helped you figure out where you were being too aggressive and in some cases too shortsighted. She didn’t ask for anything in return, but you made sure her next three dozen donuts were on the house.

There’s Will, a retired teacher, who comes in every Sunday. He used to come in with his partner, Charles, and they would sit at the table you have set up near the front window. They traded off different sections of the newspaper while drinking their coffee and sharing one old-fashioned donut and one raspberry jelly donut; they never strayed from those. Charles passed away six months ago and it was unexpected. You didn’t expect to see Will for a while, but routine is hard to give up especially when it’s the only thing you have left. Every Sunday morning you set a 'reserved' sign on the table near the window.

There’s Stuart, who hangs out in the plaza your shop is located in. You’re not sure if he’s unhoused or just likes to spend his day outside, but it felt strange to always see him and not interact with him. One day you invited him to come by for coffee and a donut but he turned you down. You told him the offer was good for any time and that you hoped you’d see him in there soon. He came in a few days later and it made you feel like you were doing some good; and then you felt bad for feeling like that. Stuart’s reserved and not much of a talker so you just let him sit at a table while you go about your work. Some days he’ll start a conversation; it’s rare but it feels like you both trust each other enough to make more than small talk. If you don’t see him in his usual spot outside, you worry. He usually turns up a few days later, but you're concerned that at some point he won’t turn up and what are you supposed to do then?

There’s a handful of people that fall into this category of if they never came back you would notice. It’s because some of them are smart and kind like Noreen. Some because they sit in the same spot, newspaper sections still divided in two, like Will. Some because their silence fills your little shop, like Stuart. And some whose absence you would notice because they don’t fit into these boxes. Sometimes they can be loud or irritating; but they can also be entertaining. And they’re are always five of them, but only one that makes you feel like you’re thirteen and just saw your middle school crush.

They started coming in sometime in February. You only remember because the biggest one said he’s 'not eating a fucking, prissy, heart-shaped donut.' Some men are like that, afraid if they come in contact with something feminine that’s not a woman, that their dick will fall off. He was loud and obnoxious and only one of the other four looked truly embarrassed for the guy and for himself. He apologized for his friend and ordered five large coffees and a dozen glazed donuts.

“You sure glazed are going to be manly enough for your friend over there?”

You ticked your head over towards the table where his friends were sitting. He laughed and it was a surprisingly warm laugh for a man with neck tattoos.

“He won’t even remember being here, let alone what kind of donuts he ate.”

He sounded annoyed but used to the behavior. You remembered having friends like that, in your twenties, but you were well past that age and so were these guys by the look of it. You saw him eyeing an apple fritter so you grabbed it from the case, put it on a plate, and set it on the counter next to the box of donuts.

“On the house, since it doesn’t look like you’re getting paid for your babysitting duties.”

He smiled, said thank you, and then went to sit with his loud friends. You noticed he was quiet in comparison and thought it would be nice if they were all quiet like that.

When they were getting ready to leave you saw that the quiet one made sure all the trash was thrown away and all the dishes went into the right bin. At the door as they were leaving he gave you a small wave thanking you again. There was something about his smile that made it feel like flowers were blooming in your stomach. That feeling carried you for a week. You’d think of that moment of him at the door and a fog would enter your brain and the flowers in your stomach would grow larger.

The feeling would start to subside after a while and you would get caught up in your real life–your business, the rare time with your friends, the occasional bad date. It would slowly drift from the front of your mind to the back. Then they would show up and the cycle would continue.

The one who had the soft smile and neck tattoo, you learned his name was Benny. And that if you gave him a choice between the apple fritter and anything else, he would choose the apple fritter one hundred percent of the time. The loud drunk, that was Big Nick and he’s only been not drunk five percent of the time they’ve come in. There’s Connors, Zapata, and Henderson–you’ve only heard them referred to by their last names. A thing that you’ve only ever heard men do. They all come in once or twice a month–usually early, usually hungover. It makes you wonder what they do before they end up at your place. You never ask because to know would be to probably ruin your crush on Benny.

Benny always pays and there’s a part of you that hopes he’s doing it just for the chance to talk to you. When he leaves he always gives you a wave goodbye and a thanks again. The flowers in your stomach have bloomed and blossomed to an embarrassing degree by the end of May. And that’s when they stopped coming in.

—-

Benny shakes his head no at Connor’s who’s trying to hand him a beer, “Not feeling it tonight.”

Benny isn’t feeling it any night, but he keeps that to himself. The drinking, the cocaine, the women, none of it interests him and it hasn’t for a while. Since February if he’s being honest with himself.

They had ended up at your donut shop, Glazy for You under random circumstances. The usual place they would go to sober up after one of these parties had been closed down by the health department. He should have known it was bound to happen, the place was dim and oddly seedy for a diner. Benny was the designated driver that night, since he hadn’t been feeling well he didn’t drink and spent most of the night ushering random women out of a grim motel room. When he saw Glazy for You as he was driving by, it looked like the complete opposite of his evening; it was bright, there were Valentine’s decorations on the window. It looked comforting and warm, two things he felt like he was missing in his life.

Nick of course was an asshole and Benny felt like he spent a lot of time silently apologizing to you. His apologies must have entered you mind telepathically because you gave him an apple fritter–the best apple fritter he’s ever had in his whole fucking life. There must have been some kind of magic in because that moment lodged itself somewhere in his heart and reappears when he’s feeling low. Like now–sitting in this motel room, on this couch that probably hasn’t been cleaned in two decades, watching his friends lose their fucking minds over shit they should have outgrown.

Benny hasn’t seen you in months, ninety-seven days to be exact, not that he’s counting. They’ve been working on one case after the next and it’s left time for little else. No post drug test parties, no early mornings sitting in a donut shop waiting for everyone to sober up, no you. It’s been sleep and work for three months straight. Last time he saw you, it seemed like you were happy to see him. Maybe he imagined that feeling; misunderstood the warmth in your smile. Maybe that’s the smile that you’ve practiced in order to be able to perform it for everyone. Maybe everyone feels what he feels when they see you.

Benny sinks further into the couch and looks up at the ceiling. It’s a drop ceiling which brings back memories of a case he had worked on. While securing a crime scene, they were in the living room of a run down apartment. It had this same type of ceiling and a body fell right through it onto the floor. He thinks that maybe this is how it ended up being called a drop ceiling, because shit just drops right out. That thought, that memory makes him realize that he doesn’t want to be in this room anymore. He gets up, grabs his jacket off the back of the couch, and leaves. He hears Connors call after him as he’s closing the door but he doesn’t care. He only has one place that he wants to be right now.

—-

You’re putting a tray of bear claws in the display case when you hear the door open. It’s still early, the sun is barely up, pink and purple hues are still in the sky. You get a lot of municipal workers that come in at this time, barely past opening. So it’s a little bit of a surprise when you get a glimpse through the display case of Benny walking in, alone.

There’s a second while you’re crouched down, adjusting the tray that you let yourself be excited; allow yourself to give into the childish feeling of getting a glimpse of your crush. Your knees are wobbly as you stand up–unsure if it’s because you’re getting old or because he’s looking right at you.

“Oh hey, how’ve you been?” You wipe your palms on the front of the apron you’re wearing. “It’s been a while.”

You try to sound neutral, neither excited to see him or disappointed that it's been so long. He smiles and that familiar sensation of flowers blooming returns.

“We’ve been working on a lot of cases and it’s been hard to find time for anything else.”

You lean forward and rest your arms on top of the bakery case.

“Cases? You guys are lawyers?” As the words leave your mouth you realize how truly stupid it sounds. You’ve never in your life seen any lawyers that look like these guys.

Benny chuckles and rubs the back of his neck, something he does when feels embarrassed or self conscious.

“No, definitely not lawyers. Detectives. We work for the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department.”

You fail at suppressing a laugh, “I’m sorry. All of you are detectives? Even your friend Nick?”

Benny knows your laugh isn’t mean spirited and if he were you, he’d probably laugh too, knowing what he knows about the people he works with. He moves closer to display case and leans in.

“Even Nick. You seem surprised.”

“It’s just. I.” You pause, trying to choose your words with care, because you like Benny and you don’t want to insult him, “I mean, it’s hard to imagine being a victim of a crime or something and like Nick is the person taking your statement, trying to help you. That is my nightmare.”

You hope you don’t sound like an asshole, but the idea of Nick serving and protecting seems like a stretch. If you offend Benny, he doesn’t show it, he just laughs.

“The way that you’ve seen him, I can understand the sentiment. He’s not like that a hundred percent of the time. I promise.”

You give Benny a joking look, “Okay, but what percentage are we talking here?”

You’re both laughing when the rest of the guys walk in. The rowdiness is a shock to your system after not dealing with it for a while. You look at Benny and he’s no longer leaning in towards you and maybe you’re projecting, but you think he looks a little disappointed too.

Benny’s disappointed, but he tries his best to hide it. The guys may be drunk, but they are cops and they are perceptive. Benny already knows he has a reputation among them as being soft. It used to bother him, but it hasn’t for a while. He knows he would rather be soft than be the type of man that can’t feel anything other than bitterness and rage.

“Borracho, you fucking asshole, you left us.”

Nick, is of course loud and slurring his words. Benny hopes you can’t understand Spanish–he doesn’t want to be known as a ‘drunk’ to you.

Benny turns from you to look at the guys. Connors is propping Nick up; Henderson and Zapata are stumbling towards a table.

“I was hungry.”

Benny hopes it’s enough to shut Nick up. He knows it’s not because he sees Nick loosen himself from Connors and stumble towards him. He claps a large, drunk hand on Benny’s shoulder and the force almost knocks him backwards.

“Fuck, Borracho. You’re no fun anymore.”

Nick is a mess and that’s not really that surprising to you. What is surprising is how uncomfortable Benny looks. He has the look of a man who would give anything to disappear. You can’t really blame him, these guys, Nick especially, are exhausting to be around and you only deal with them for a few hours a month.

“Can I get you guys something or are you just going to loiter?”

Benny looks towards you and you give him a sympathetic smile. He shakes Nick off of him and is about to order when Nick lurchers towards the counter that you’re standing behind. You step back as he unsuccessfully tries to paw at you.

“I know what you can get me, sweetheart.”

Benny groans and runs a hand over his face, “Jesus Christ, Nick. Shut the fuck up.”

You step closer to the counter and lean forward, putting a hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“What did I tell you about calling me ‘sweetheart’?”

Nick tilts his head to the side and mutters, “That the next time I do it, you’ll put my head in the deep fryer.”

You pat his shoulder, “Good, you remember.”

You hear Zapata, Henderson, and Connors–who’s joined them at their table laughing and chanting do it, do it.

You gently push Nick away from the counter, “Go sit down unless you’re willing to see if I’m serious.” You look over at Benny, who no longer looks like he wants to disappear. “Benny, five coffees and a dozen glazed, right?”

Benny nods his head, “Yeah, that’s good.”

Nick turns around and starts walking towards where Connors, Zapata, and Henderson are sitting. He jerks his thumb back towards you, “She’s no fun either.”

Benny feels awkward standing here, watching you gingerly place twelve glazed donuts in a box and then pour five large coffees. It’s calming though, watching you do routine things, like you’re slowly rooting out the anxiety of being around drunk idiots. You put the coffees in a tray and place it down on the counter next to the donuts.

Benny pulls out his wallet to pay, “Uh, sorry,” he pauses, he’s sorry about a lot suddenly, “sorry about Nick. He was acting like an asshole.”

You shrug and hand Benny his change, “Don’t worry about it.”

Benny is sitting with the guys and can’t help feeling like he’s messed something up. You didn’t give him an apple fritter like you normally do. He wonders if you’re mad that he didn’t do something more when Nick was acting like an asshole. Maybe he’s overthinking it–he can’t expect you to give him a free donut every time you see him. It’s possible he’s misread the situation entirely, that you’re just friendly and nothing more. He watches you behind the counter adjusting things, bagging up donuts for customers that have come in. When Benny checks his watch for the time, he misses seeing you slip an apple fritter in a bag and write 'Benny' in a tidy script.

You watch the guys start filtering out of your place; Nick and Connors are first and from the store window you can see them getting into separate cabs. Benny is still throwing trash away as Henderson and Zapata leave. They share a cab and you imagine that maybe they rallied enough to start drinking again at 7:30am. You see Benny heading towards the door and it looks like he’s leaving without giving his usual wave goodbye. Your stomach sinks a little–maybe he’s mad at you for not joking around more with Nick or the other guys. Or it could just be that he’s tired and wants to go home and you’re creating feelings that aren’t there.

You grab the bag with the apple fritter from below the counter and hold it up, “Hey, you forgot something.”

Benny looks at the bag with his name on it–it’s the nicest handwriting he’s ever seen. He walks over to the counter and takes the bag from your hand, your fingers overlapping for a fraction of a second.

“So this means you’re not mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you? Wait, you think because of Nick?” You look at him strangely as he nods his head yes, “He’s the idiot, I’m not going to hold that against you.”

Benny smiles, “That’s good to know.” He starts walking away, but stops when he gets to the door, holding up the bag with the donut, “Thanks again. I’ll see you later.”

“Take care, Benny.”

—-

“You like that girl at the donut place?”

It sounds less like Connors is asking you a question and more like stating a fact. Benny’s a little caught off guard and pretends to start looking for something on his desk.

“What?”

Benny tries to sound confused, like he’s never even heard the word donut before.

“At the donut place. The girl who runs it, are you into her or something? You always act fucking weird when we’re in there.”

Benny thinks back to all the times they’ve been at Glazy for You, trying to remember his behavior. Did he look at you for too long? Say ‘goodbye’ in a way that sounded like he didn’t want to leave. Benny opens the bottom drawer of his desk and pretends to look for something.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Benny knows he doesn’t sound convincing and Connors must hear it too because he keeps going.

“Really?” Connors sounds incredulous. “You’re always lingering at the counter. She’s always giving you free donuts. Any of this ringing a bell for you?”

Benny can feel Connors staring at him. He closes the desk drawer and goes back to looking at the file on his desk.

“Maybe she likes giving away free donuts. I really couldn’t tell you.”

Connors crumbles a piece of paper into a ball and lobs it at Benny’s head, hitting him just behind the ear.

“Whatever you say asshole.”

—-

The summer goes by quickly–it’s one of your busier seasons. School is out, the weather is nice–there are day camps, company off-sites, and sleepovers. All the types of occasions where the people in charge don’t want to make breakfast but need to provide it. Benny and the guys come in a few times throughout the summer. It feels a little different from before. Benny doesn’t linger at the counter as much anymore and sometimes one of the other guys pays. It’s stupid little things that you shouldn’t notice, but you do, because they used to be part of your routine. It’s embarrassing thinking you let this crush on Benny become such a big part of your life that you’d notice he didn’t pay last time or the time before that. It’s that embarrassment that makes you start building a wall around that garden in your stomach so the flowers can’t reach your heart.

It’s the end of October when you’re opening up one morning and it registers for you that you haven’t seen Stuart since some time around June or July. His absence gnaws at you. You feel like a bad person for not noticing sooner; that feeling that you failed someone even though they weren’t your responsibility. You don’t know what to do or if there’s anything you actually can do. So when you see Benny a few weeks later it feels like a little bit of a last resort when you ask for his help.

—-

You were hoping that Benny would be the person paying this time when they all came in, so you could mention Stuart without having to pull him aside. But he doesn’t and it makes you a little anxious trying to figure out the best way to talk to him about something serious. So it’s a relief when it looks like he’s going to be the last one to leave. He’s behind Connors and when Connors makes it out the door, you stop Benny who’s close behind.

“Benny, hey. Do you have a second?”

You come out from behind the counter, nervously smoothing the apron tied around your waist in short downward strokes. Benny stops and lets the door go from his hand. You look upset and he hopes it’s not because he’s been acting standoffish lately. Ever since Connors asked about you, he’s been trying his best to act normal–whatever that means–around you.

“Did Connors’s card get declined again?”

You let out a small laugh, “No. Um, I was actually wondering if you could help me with something.”

Benny steps a little closer to you. You have some powdered sugar on your cheek and he has to stop himself from brushing it off.

“Yeah, of course. What’s going on?”

“This is probably going to sound weird, or stupid. Maybe both. But there’s this guy who h—”

Benny cuts you off; his voice is a little rougher, “If someone is bothering you, I’ll take care of it.”

You laugh awkwardly, “Oh no, it’s nothing like that. It’s this guy, Stuart. He usually hangs out around here and I have him come in sometimes for coffee or donuts and I haven’t seen him in…since maybe July, I think? I’m just a little worried.” You pause and try to read Benny’s face to see what he’s thinking, “Sorry, this probably sounds stupid to you. I don’t even know what I’m asking.”

Benny scratches his jaw piecing together what he thinks you’re getting at, “Do you know his last name?”

You notice that Benny’s voice has gone back to the soft tone that you’re used to. He’s looking at you with compassion and not like you’re stupid or some kind of burden. Benny is the kind of person that you would want helping you in a crisis and it makes you wish there were more people like him in his line of work.

“I don’t, but I printed a photo from the security camera I have.” You walk over to the counter and lean over, grabbing the photo from under the register. “I don’t even know if you can do anything with that. I watch a lot of crime shows. Don’t judge me.”

Benny laughs and shakes his head as you hand him the photo.

“I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I’ll see what I can find out.”

“Yeah of course. It’s…I don’t know. I’d feel like a bad person if something were to happen to him and I could have helped.”

Benny feels bad because he knows how these things generally end up. Usually there are no happy endings.

“You can’t put that on yourself.”

You nod your head, “I know, but still, you know?”

Benny understands the feeling and also understands it’s easier to tell someone something isn’t their fault than to know it yourself.

As Benny leaves you start to feel a bit lighter. Like someone has taken some of your worry, some of your concern and is carrying it for you; so you aren’t so weighed down.

—-

“What was that about?”

Benny is surprised to see Connors waiting for him in the parking lot.

“Nothing. Well, I guess there’s some guy, homeless, I don’t know. He usually hangs out around here. She hasn’t seen him for a while. She’s worried.”

Connors flicks a cigarette on to the pavement, “Figures she’s one of those bleeding heart types. What did you tell her?”

Benny pats his jacket and then his pants pockets feeling around for a pack of cigarettes, forgetting briefly that he’s trying to quit. Connors pulls his pack from his pocket and tosses them to Benny.

Benny pulls a cigarette out, “I told her I’d look into it.”

Connors laughs and hands Benny a lighter, “Chump.” He waits a beat for Benny to light his cigarette, “But, if you want. We can start looking into it now.”

Benny’s grateful it’s Connors out here and not one of the other guys. Benny and Connors go back further than just Major Crimes and he’s someone Benny would trust with his life.

—-

Benny’s worried that he’s going to have to deliver you bad news. Best case scenario seems like Stuart is in jail. Not great, but it would mean that he’s alive. Worst case scenario is that he can’t find Stuart and that usually doesn’t mean anything good. Benny is suddenly hoping for some kind of miracle for a person he doesn’t even know.

The photo you gave him does turn out to be useful. Connors is able to find him in the system through facial recognition. Stuart Morton has a record; a few arrests for driving while under the influence and some time in a county jail. Benny is able to get a last known address but it’s over a year old. It’s a sober living house that’s not actually that far from Glazy for You. He doesn’t have much hope that going there will bring him any closer to finding Stuart.

It takes a couple of weeks, but Benny is finally able to meet with David, the director of the sober living facility. He finds it’s better to meet with people in person. Talking with people over the phone, he’s learned, makes it easier for them to not give you the information you need. David of course is a little guarded at first with Benny; not wanting to share anything that could get Stuart in trouble, which Benny can’t really fault him for. Benny explains the situation, that the owner of a donut shop near here is worried because they haven’t seen him in a while. When Benny mentions your name to David, he lights up.

“Her glazed old fashioneds are the best ones in this entire state.” He pauses and to Benny it looks like he’s getting lost in the memory of a donut, a feeling he knows well.

“I didn’t realize you two knew each other.”

David turns away from Benny to look through a drawer in a filing cabinet, “Just this year we got to talking and she’s been generous enough to donate breakfast here every month. And recently she’s been working with us on a job training program at her bakery.”

Benny thinks back to Connors calling you a ‘bleeding heart’ and is glad he came here by himself.

“She didn’t mention anything about knowing Stuart lived here.”

David pulls a folder from the cabinet and thumbs through it, “Stuart is the type to not overshare, so that doesn’t surprise me.” He pauses to write something down on a piece of paper and hands it to Benny, “Here. This is his sister Noreen’s information. When he left, he was going to be staying with her for a while. Might still be there.”

Benny barely makes it to his car before calling the number that David gave him.

—-

“Wait, so you’re saying that Noreen, the Noreen that comes in here, is Stuart’s sister?”

It’s late in the day, near the time that you close up. You and Benny are sitting across from each other at the table near the window. It’s hard to believe what he’s telling you, that Stuart used to be a resident at the sober living facility, the one where David works; that Noreen is Stuart’s sister and somehow all these dots never got connected for you.

“She didn’t realize that you two were,” Benny pauses looking for the right word, “friends. She feels terrible that you didn’t know he had moved out of the state and were worried. She said he’s doing well.”

You’re quiet for a moment, trying to take in everything Benny has been telling you. It’s a lot to process, considering you had been preparing yourself to hear bad news. You can feel your eyes fuzzy with a few tears and feel a little embarrassed to be getting so emotional over the good news.

“It’s such a relief to know that he’s doing okay.” You feel a tear slide down your cheek and quickly brush it away hoping that Benny didn’t see it.

Benny can tell you’re trying to keep yourself from crying and he wants to tell you that it’s okay, that there wouldn’t be any judgment from him. He has the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around you, but he knows it would be wildly inappropriate. He feels awkward sitting here, looking around, trying to figure out what he should say.

“I like the Christmas decorations you have up.” It’s lame and he knows it, but it seems better than freaking you out with a hug. You smile at him and that feels reassuring.

“You do?” You look over at Benny, nodding his head, “I know it makes me basic, but I love Christmas. The lights, the decorations, the movies, the music. Expect to see a lot of green and red frosted donuts until December 31st.”

Benny laughs, “I’m looking forward to it.” He looks at his watch and starts to get up, “I should probably leave, so you can close up.”

You get up and follow Benny to the door, you put your hand on Benny’s forearm to stop him for a second and he feels a little spark through this jacket.

“Thank you, again, for everything.”

“I’m glad I could help. And that everything turned out okay.”

You’re not sure what it is that compels you to hug him, but you do. Maybe it’s the gentleness of his voice, or how he’s looking at you in a way he hasn’t before. It feels intimate and dreamy and it’s hard for you to recall the last time anyone has looked at you like that. It happens so fast that Benny barely has time to register what happened.

It hits him as he’s walking to his car–the delayed feeling of your arms around him. It strikes Benny that maybe there’s a chance you like him, that maybe you’re both kind of stupid and clumsy, and afraid to ask the other one out. There’s the realization that one of you will have to make the first move or it will go on like this forever. That he will see you every few months at your job, that he’ll get a free donut occasionally. It’s not enough for Benny and he knows that he can’t be stupid about this much longer.

—-

It’s the last piss test party of the year–the week before Christmas. The concept is idiotic–sure it made sense at one point when Benny wasn’t wading into the deep end of forty. Going to a cheap hotel to get drunk and high, have sex with women that Nick found God knows where. It was never appealing to Benny but he used to understand the idea of celebrating after your mandatory drug test. Now he usually just sits, drinks a beer or two, and tries to avoid contact with everyone. There’s something especially depressing about it during this time of year.

Benny’s spent the last few days mulling over the best way to ask you out. He regrets not asking you when he was giving you the news about Stuart. Although there’s a part of him that thinks maybe you would have felt obligated to say yes given the circumstances. He thinks about asking you tonight, if they end up there, but he doesn’t want to do it in front of the guys because you might feel obligated then too, maybe even feeling sorry for him and not wanting to embarrass him in front of everyone by saying no. If you say yes, he wants it to be because you actually mean it, he doesn’t want there to be any room for doubt.

His decision is made for him, because when they get to Glazy for You, you aren’t there. Benny can’t remember if there’s ever been a time when you haven’t been there, behind the counter, greeting him warmly. It’s a little bit of a shock to his system to see a middle-aged man in a goofy Christmas sweater in your place. Benny’s good at thinking up doomsday scenarios and imagines one in which you’re trying to avoid him, so you no longer work this early in the morning. But then he thinks of when you hugged him and that even though it was quick, it was like your touch had gone directly to his heart. He doesn’t stay much longer, opting to go home, lay in his bed, and try to figure out what he’s going to do.

—-

You used to hate working during the holidays. Maybe it’s because you were working for other people and not yourself. Maybe it was because the work you were doing felt unimportant and people expected you to care even when everything else around you was winding down. Five years ago the thought of working on Christmas Eve would have made you want to walk into traffic. Now it feels different, like maybe you’re contributing to the holiday experience versus missing out on it entirely. You’ve always loved Christmas, but Christmas Eve is your favorite day of the year. It just feels more special somehow. There’s anticipation and excitement in the air. It’s possible it’s a product of all the Christmas movies you’ve watched over the years where there’s the idea that anything seems possible on this day. There’s something about the idea of your life changing for the better, surrounded by twinkle lights and ornaments that you find very appealing.

The morning is kind of slow–you spend most of it watching holiday episodes of tv shows on your phone. Around 11am you start cleaning up–taking trays out of cases, boxing up the donuts that are left to drop off at the comic book shop next door. You’re looking forward to going home and laying on the couch the rest of the day, queuing up your standard Christmas Eve movies. You’re ready to watch Scrooged and feel abnormally homesick, but then put on Christmas Vacation and remember why it’s never a good idea to spend Christmas with your entire family.

You’re in the back when you hear the bell on the door jingle, letting you know someone is out front. You consider just staying where you are, pretending no one is here so you can wrap up your day. You don’t want to have to tell anyone that you can’t help them with their donut emergency–getting yelled at on Christmas Eve is not something you’ve prepared yourself for today. So it’s a pleasant surprise when you make your way back out to the front and you see Benny.

“Hey, this is a—hi.” You’re not sure why you’re suddenly unable to put together a decent sentence.

Benny rubs the back of his neck with his hand, “Is this a bad time?”

“No. No, well. I mean, unless you were looking for a few dozen donuts. Then it definitely is.”

Benny smiles, “Actually, I, um, was,” he pauses and tries to collect himself, he can suddenly feel his heart beating in his ears, “I wanted to ask you out. On a date.” The feeling has spread to his skull.

When he says it, it’s almost like the words traveled through your brain and you can’t comprehend what’s actually happening. Benny, the guy you’ve been harboring your fragile middle school crush on, is here asking you out. It makes little, if any sense to you.

“Are you just trying to get more free donuts?”

Benny shakes his head no, “I promise I’m not.”

You’re quiet as you consider what he’s asked–trying to reprocess the information in your mind so that it makes sense. When all the words are finally in place and you repeat them in your mind, you feel some of those flowers that you’d walled up in your stomach starting to push through the cracks.

“Yeah, okay.” You grab a business card from the counter, write your number on the back, and hand it to Benny.

Benny’s not sure he’s ever heard anything better than yeah, okay in his life, it’s like a bolt of lightning right to his core. He puts the card with your number in the chest pocket of his jacket, the safest place he can think of.

“Great. Amazing.” Benny laughs nervously. “I need to get back to work. I’ll text you.”

“Okay. Well, have a good Christmas, Benny.”

“You too.”

Benny gives his standard small wave as he leaves and you lock the door after him. When he’s out of sight you let out a squeal and excitedly dance in place. Your phone vibrating in your back pocket interrupts you mid-happy dance.

Hey, it’s Benny. Are you free for dinner on the 27th at 7?

Benny watches dots appear and then disappear on his phone. It feels a little bit like torture as he sits in his truck waiting for you to respond.

Dinner on the 27th at 7 sounds great

Benny releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Let me think of a place and I’ll text you the address

Sounds good. And you meant Dec 27th right?

Benny laughs to himself, Yes dec 27. I’m not going to wait until jan to take you to dinner

Just making sure 🙂

You read his last text at least ten more times before finally going back into the kitchen like you had intended. Each time you read it, there’s a sensation in your stomach like bricks dissolving and flowers blooming again.

—-

Benny texts you on the morning of the 26th with a restaurant name and an address. You already have the sense that he’s different, the type of person who has follow-through. You try to temper your excitement about dinner with him, not wanting to do that thing you sometimes do where you make something out to be more than it is. You keep telling yourself that it’s just dinner, nothing more. But as you pull up to the restaurant a few minutes late and see Benny standing outside, looking nervous in dark denim and a green flannel, you let yourself think that maybe it could be a little more than just dinner.

“Sorry I’m a little late, I hope you weren’t waiting long?”

Benny smiles when he sees you standing in front of him, “I just got here a few minutes ago.”

It’s a lie; the last one he’ll tell tonight; but he doesn’t want you to know that he was so amped up about this evening that he got to the restaurant thirty minutes early. On the way in, when you pass in front of him, your perfume delicately floats by him. It’s earthy, but slightly sweet, with cinnamon and vanilla blending neatly in–he’s sure it’s the most beautiful thing that he’s ever smelled.

It’s a French restaurant, one that you’ve never been to before, but it’s cozy and still in the Christmas spirit. There are multicolored lights strung up and silver tinsel hanging from the ceiling.

“Have you been here before?” Looking at Benny from across the table and you can see flecks of silver in his facial hair catching the light of the candle on the table.

“My sister and her husband had their tenth anniversary party here last year. Most of my restaurant choices come from wherever she has an anniversary party.”

You laugh, “Nice. Do you just have the one sister?”

Benny has just the one sister, you learn, among other things. You find talking to Benny is easy, he doesn’t give one word answers to questions like some men you’ve gone out with. Where trying to get to know them is like trying to get to know a slab of pavement. He’s funnier than you thought, something that you didn’t expect, but is a nice surprise.

“Did you always want to be a detective?”

Benny butters a piece of bread, “To be honest, the only thing I wanted to be growing up was a magician. I guess I saw one too many David Copperfield specials as a kid.”

You start laughing, “Do you know any magic tricks?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know. What about you?”

“I don’t know any, no.” You shrug jokingly as Benny laughs. “But, yeah, I guess I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to be doing. I’m lucky that things have worked out how they have.”

Benny’s curious now, “You didn’t always work in a bakery?”

“Nope. I actually used to work in tech. It’s kind of a long story.”

“Well, I’m not in any hurry to end the evening.”

There’s something about Benny that puts you at ease, that makes you comfortable enough to want to open up to him. Something that you would never normally consider doing on a first date. You don’t feel the need to downplay that you made a lot of money when a company you worked for in New York was bought out. He doesn’t flinch when you tell him that the reason you moved to California was because of your now ex-husband. He tells you about his own divorce and for the first time in a long time you don’t feel so unlike yourself on a first date. It doesn’t feel scary telling him that you felt insignificant in your own life because of your work and your marriage. That every conversation with your husband made you feel like a burden.There’s a moment when you start to apologize, out of habit, but he stops you. He smiles when you say that the divorce was the best thing to happen to you because it–and you hate to say it like this–gave you your power back.

“I always wanted to own my own business and I love donuts, so when the divorce happened, I just said fuck it, and went for it. Just threw myself into it.”

“I’m glad you did, I don’t know where else I’d get an apple fritter that good. And for free.”

“Yeah, about that.” You smile playfully, “I’m going to have to start charging you before you put me out of business.”

Benny makes a show of looking at his watch, pretending to want to leave, “I guess we should probably call it an evening then?”

He likes the way you laugh, how it’s kind of loud and fills the room. It makes him feel good, to hear you laugh, to see you smile; like he’s responsible for some bit of happiness you’re experiencing.

“See, I knew this was a scam.”

As the waiter clears the table and they wait for the check, Benny asks you what your favorite donut is.

You don’t even have to think about it, “Definitely a maple bar.”

Benny watches as your eyes light up, telling him how you first had one when you spent the summer between fifth and sixth grade visiting your aunt in Seattle. He listens to you describe how your mom was, in the nicest terms you can find, an extreme dieter, who tried her best to pass all of her food issues down to you, and never let donuts in the house. But your aunt didn’t care and the first thing she did once she would pick you up from the airport was take you to her favorite bakery. It was the highlight of every summer after that until you graduated high school. It was the first donut you learned how to make because on the east coast they’re hard to find. You laugh when you say the best part of moving to the west coast is that every donut place has maple bars, but you’d like to think that yours are the best. Benny can’t help but think it’s cute.

Benny doesn’t want the night to end; he knows that you took a cab to the restaurant so he offers to drive you home. You try not to sound too eager in accepting his offer, but fail.

“Yeah, I’d love that.”

You ask him if he wants you to put your address into google maps for directions, but he doesn’t need them. Benny spends so much time driving all over the city that he knows every street, every highway, every interstate. The map exists in his head; he can get anywhere without really having to think about it. Benny drives you through some unfamiliar, but beautiful neighborhoods. The homes are still decorated and lit up, it’s like driving through the set of a Christmas movie–the only thing missing is snow.

You ask him more about his job, the guys he works with. You like hearing the stories that Benny has about them. You can tell by the way he talks about him, that he’s closest with Connors. You finally learn everyone’s first names and how Benny got his nickname–which you had previously googled out of curiosity. You ask if it bothers him to be called a drunk.

“Knowing the shit they all get into, not really.”

He says that it doesn’t matter what they call him because he knows that in any situation they’ll have his back and he’ll have theirs. That’s what he cares about.

When he pulls up to your house; a small, one-story home, string lights along the frame and around the windows; it looks exactly like he’d imagined. You both sit quietly for a few minutes unsure what to do next.

Eventually you unbuckle your seatbelt, “I had a really good time tonight, Benny.”

“Me too. Come on, I’ll walk you to your door.” he looks over at you, “protect and serve, you know.” Benny knows it’s a dumb joke, but you laugh anyway.

When you get to the top of your steps, you find it hard to say goodbye. His face is illuminated by the Christmas lights and you can tell he doesn’t want to say goodbye either. You start to say something, you’re not even sure what, but no words come out because Benny’s mouth is on yours, his hands gently cradling your face. His lips are soft and you can feel the warmth of his tongue asking for permission. You drop your keys onto the porch and pull him closer to you by his belt loops.

It feels like hours have passed when Benny finally pulls away, “Sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

You rest your hands on his chest, “Next time,” you gently tug on his shirt collar, “don’t wait so long.”

Benny smiles as he watches you crouch down to pick up the keys you dropped. When you stand back up, he reaches towards your face, his fingers grazing behind your ear, “Hold on, you have something in your—” Benny sweeps his fingers against your hair and when he brings his hand in front of you, he’s holding a small, folded piece of paper.

You take it from him, unfolding it. When you see the words ‘what are you doing for new years?’ written down you start grinning, “So you do still know some magic tricks.”

Benny places his hand on your neck, his thumb stroking your cheek, “A few.”

#benny magalon x reader #benny magalon x f!reader #benny borracho magalon x reader #benny borracho magalon x f!reader #borracho magalon x reader #den of thieves fic #christmas fic #holiday fic #this christmas fic

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obsessedtomone · 11 months ago

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Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 6 - The Exposé▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤“Are you serious right now? Me being scared shitless means I’m into him? Did you hit your head on the way here?” you ask, starting to feel actually annoyed.

“But it’s not just that and you know it!” They smack your arm, beautiful eyes boring into yours and peering at your soul.

Of course it isn’t just that, but you’d never admit you feel anything for this fucked-up asshole to anyone, let alone your own damn self. ◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven

Chapter 6 - The Exposé

All the noise, the chatter, the people—they drown out the silence as you sit like a loser in the corner of the busy shop, waiting.

With your leg bouncing—one of your many nervous tics—you cast an anxious look around you, unable to shake the feeling that everyone is watching you, even off campus. You’re hiding behind the safety of your hood, blankly seeing people going about their day, while you were waiting for Taylor to show.

“Girl, if we’re going to discuss fucked-up shit again, I really need something to sweeten it up” is what they told you over the phone, after your little mental breakdown in the hallway.

So they picked their favorite—and unfortunately a really fucking popular—bubble tea store in the area, for the both of you to have a talk in.

You’re torn between periodically checking your watch, your phone, or your surroundings, visibly on edge as you alternate doing so.

Conjuring whatever your therapist—or reddit post—told you to do when you’re having a huge panic attack and you’re not home, you begin taking deep breaths. You focus on the things around you first, the different smells, the people. The wallpaper that's slightly torn, in the corner where you’re sitting.

You look around, try your goddamn best, and unsurprisingly—it doesn’t fucking work.

It doesn’t, because save for your three different types of anxiety medication you take every day, nothing fucking works. You stopped taking heavy meds after you figured the worst of everything had passed, after life finally became somewhat stable, somewhat bearable.

So instead, you ride that nauseating wave of anxiety pulsating within you, and wait as patiently as you fucking can for it to just stop.

Shigaraki managed to do a number on you today, because you made sure you took off as soon as he’d left, not having the stomach to bump into more horny, borderline assailant creepy jocks anymore.

It was more than enough that your phone was blowing up with an incredibly stupid amount of assholes, messaging you, harassing you at regular intervals, and sending you enough dick pics to last you a lifetime. All in the span of a single fucking day.

You wanted to turn your phone off, but unfortunately, it was also the only way to contact Taylor outside the comfort of your PC, so you ended up just muting it, turning the notifications off and sucking it the fuck up until you got home today.

Your friend still had classes that they were eager to skip, in order to hurry and meet with you, but you managed to convince them to stay by compromising—hence your sitting down in an overrated bubble tea store, right in the middle of a crisis.

With a sigh, you sip on your plain black coffee, scrolling through social media and passing as much time as you can before you even have to think about dealing with him. Luckily, it didn’t take more than an hour, and the movement you see from the corner of your eye is a familiar one.

Taylor is dressed up in a slutty black mesh crop-top and a high-waisted pair of black leggings. A few flashy accessories and a pair of sunglasses sitting snug on top of their head, are complementing their skimpy club outfit nicely.

“You do realize winter starts in like a month, slut?” you ask, a knowing smile playing on your lips, pure relief coating your gaze at the sight of them before you.

You’re not alone, you’re not alone, you’re not alone.

Not this time.

“Oh yeah? Well how about—you shut the fuck up? It’s fucking winter all year ‘round for you, bitch!” They smile back at you, but a thought seems to cross their mind and their expression slips back into one of concern. “Are you doing okay, babe?”

“I’ll manage. Do you wanna order now, or?”

“It’s fiiine, I can always steal from yours and order later.” They wink at you, yoinking your drink before your very eyes, and you watch in horror as a major crime is about to unfold, right in front of you.

“Hold! Dude, it’s—”

“Eeww! Gross! How can you even drink this shit?!” Your friend basically throws the drink back at you, splashing some on the table and immediately getting back up to order.

You look at them through half-lidded eyes and speak in a bored tone, “If you would’ve asked first, I could have told you what it was.”

Taylor shows you the bird, mouths a ‘fuck yourself’ and makes their way to the counter to order. “Aaand we don’t know what he’s talking about? Like, at all?” they say, sipping on their milk caramel white tea diabetes and asks you.

“Nooo fucking clue. He kept talking like a goddamn psycho about this ‘pReSeNT’—” you reply, doing air quotes and mocking his stupid fucking voice, “—he’s got for me. I don’t know where, or what it is. Half expecting to find a dead body in front of my place today, tbh.”

“Hmm, guess we’ll have to wait and find out. Sucks, but there’s not much we can do, babe.”

Then, your friend starts eyeing you curiously, seemingly weighing something in their mind. You roll your eyes.

“Shoot. You’re not done.”

As if possessed, Taylor instantly lights up and throws a series of incredibly inadequate questions at you.

“Okay, okay, so—what did he smell like? Everyone says he looks like he doesn’t shower, and wears the same clothes all the time! Is it true? I’ve only seen him from a distance. And, and, oh! Do you think he’s interested in you? There’s no way he’s not, right? I mean he was fucking with you, but I’ve never heard of him interacting with anyone like that—getting all close and personaaal, pinning them to the freaking wall! Two times?! C’mon!” They go off, giggling, as if Shigaraki was truly just a misunderstood guy, a hopeless romantic, and not a rich psychopath who gets off on breaking people's bones and making girls cry.

If your friend notices the blatant shock on your face, they don’t react to it.

“So, I have a theory, okaaay? I think… that he kind of likes you? I mean I heard he’s beaten the shit out of female students before, for literally less than the shit you pulled, so he’s definitely cutting you slack. Oh, right! How come you didn’t pepper spray his ass? You never hesitated before.” A snicker escapes them when they can’t help but imagine it. “Bet it would’ve been so fucking funny to blind Shigaraki Tomura! He’d literally fucking kill you. Gasp! Do you think he’d screech?!”

You sigh, shaking your head and looking out of the window. “I fucking can’t with you.”

“Well?” They cast an expectant glance in your direction, waiting for you to respond until a frustrated exhale escapes your lips.

“Fuck, okay. You’re lucky I’m short on friends,” you say, as if you had any friends at all, and your gaze turns into a playfully irritated one, making them wiggle their perfectly-shaped tattooed eyebrows at you. “First of all, you have to stop humanizing him. He’s literally just a psycho.”

“A psycho you’re into,” they shamelessly add, batting their fake eyelashes innocently. You blink at them, taken aback by their audacity. “C’moon, all these years I’ve known you and this guy is the first who’s doing a number on you? Just look at you! You’re not acting like yourself! Be fucking for real, girl.”

“Are you serious right now? Me being scared shitless means I’m into him? Did you hit your head on the way here?” you ask, starting to feel actually annoyed.

“But it’s not just that and you know it!” They smack your arm, beautiful eyes boring into yours and peering at your soul.

Of course it isn’t just that, but you’d never admit you feel anything for this fucked-up asshole to anyone, let alone your own damn self.

“Listen, you can lie to yourself as much as you want, babe, but I’ve been around for way too fucking long for you to be able to hide that shit from me. Just sayin’.”

You roll your eyes and click your tongue.

“Whatever, you asshole.”

Taking a sip of your bitter drink, you start mentally preparing yourself to entertain your crazy bitch of a friend. They nod excitedly, waiting for you to continue.

It’s like they completely forgot the entire reason you’re here right now, but you brush it off because this is nothing new to you. You’ve known them long enough to know that, despite their perfect popular appearance, they still have flaws. Major flaws. And frankly it didn’t bother you.

“Dunno. I don’t think he doesn’t shower—and who the fuck cares if he wears the same clothes everyday? I do too? Are people seriously that fucking shallow?” you ask, brow furrowing at the nasty shit that Taylor and their peers seem to talk behind his back. “He smells fine. No B.O, just cigs and uh… cologne, maybe.”

You leave out the part where you don’t think you’ve smelled any sort of perfume on him before today, looking warily at your friend, who’s toying with the rim of their cup, using the tips of their forty dollar acrylic nails.

“And how the fuck should I know if he’s into me? He’s fucking weird all the time. His eyes are—when he looks at me… I don’t know. It’s intense. Like that bastard already knows everything about you and still expects you to disappoint him in some way. It’s really fucking weird, I’ve never met anyone like that before, so he is special, alright,” you scoff before continuing, “Also, kind of fucked that you believe some rumors and parrot the same shit your friends say. You literally said you don’t know him personally, and I bet none of your fake ass friends know him either.”

You shouldn’t defend him. You know you shouldn’t defend him, but you can’t fucking help it when you’ve been through the same shit your whole life. People just like to say things, and maybe some of the things they’ve said are true, but—

“What? Bitch I literally know someone who just looked at him wrong, and came back the next day with a broken arm and his dad losing his job. Don’t give me that.”

“Oh? Looked at him wrong, huh? He for sure didn’t say he looked weird, called his outfit shit, or made fun of his scars and skin problems, right? No way he’d said something disrespectful to his face, like the fact that he maybe doesn’t shower. The fuck you on? I’ve seen the way people look at him at school.”

Taylor narrows their eyes at you, scoffs and looks away.

A pang of anxiety replaces your irritation and you’re about to try to smooth things over, when they finally reply.

“Okay, fine. The guy thought it would be funny to steal his watch and prove he can get away with it. He lied to us too, by the way. But it’s not like he didn’t fuck with you too! He’s literally pushed you and invaded your privacy, threatened you and acted like a creep! And god knows what he was referring to earlier!” They fold their arms defensively.

Your friend is right, he does seem like an unpredictable individual, and you shouldn’t defend him over them. After all, you still haven’t told them about the ugly bruises.

“Sorry,” they begin, a remorseful look on their face and your eyes widened. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I know people acted like shit around you too in highschool. Still think that you should be careful, though. He’s violent and scary and I know I was messing around earlier, saying he’s interested in you, but I said that because no one has seen him with anyone on campus. Not unless they got into a fight. He’s acting super weird around you.”

You glance at the (now cold) drink in your hands and your shoulders slump forward. “It’s fine. I’m… sensitive because he’s scared me, and it pisses me off how weak I am. I thought I got over most of my mommy and daddy issues, but it only took a bigger asshole to bring them out of me again.”

Honestly, you wish you had the courage to beat his ass even if it meant he’d be beating yours in return. That way it would at least feel like you’ve tried.

“Honey, no. No, no, no. You’re not weak.” Taylor replies, your eyes becoming wet as they take your hands in theirs and their soft voice melts your heart. “You’re like, the strongest bitch that I know.”

“Shut up.” You look away, frowning with a blurry vision, as your tears threaten to spill over.

They squeeze your hands softly, expression full of understanding. “I’m serious. We’ll figure this whole thing out, okay? Sorry for being nosey, that was really fucked of me.”

“It’s fine, that’s not the issue. I’m just really tired, I think.”

It’s definitely not fine, but you know they mean well.

Your thoughts were running at a hundred miles per hour now, exhaustion catching up with your foggy brain.

─────────

Click —

You unlock the door to your apartment and look around to see if anything’s out of place. Maybe even for a dead body that wasn’t so out of the question anymore.

You double and triple check, going into every room two or three times. Everything’s where it’s supposed to be, and no one seems to have broken into your apartment yet.

If you somehow went back to the version you were this morning, you’d find the way you act right now to be kind of silly.

You were not, though, not anymore, and you know better now. After a well deserved warm shower, you sit down on your cheap thirty-dollar IKEA chair and boot your PC up. You decide that for the next few hours, gaming will be your best coping mechanism for all the stress you’ve gone through today, while you sit around, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You only manage to get through a couple of hours though, watching the timer of your League queue go up when your phone goes off. After pushing one side of your headset off of your right ear, you pick up.

“Yeah? I thought I saw you like five minutes ago, did you really miss me that much?” you joke, but it falls super flat when you hear Taylor exhale your name shakily.

Alarms were suddenly going off in your head.

“What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?!”

Did he do something to them?!

“H-Hey, um. C-Can you check—S-Sorry, it’s really hard to speak right now,” they choke up.

Your own voice starts shaking and you frown at your white walls. “That’s okay, it’s okay. T-Take your time, I’m here. I’m listening. Should I come over?”

“N-No, hold on. Okay.” They take a deep breath before going on, “Do you remember t-that social media platform for college kids in our city? The popular one. T-The one where I hooked up with that douchebag who asked me to peg him, five minutes into our date?” Taylor took a pause and sniffled. “You didn’t wanna make an account because it was ‘normie shit’ and ‘a waste of time’, r-remember?”

“Yes? Taylor, what the fuck’s happening? Get to the point, please.”

“W-Well, I’ll send you my login info now, and you can c-check it yourself, hold on.”

You hear plastic nails tapping in quick succession on what you assumed was the screen of their phone.

“Can you tell me alread—”

“Hold on! Y-You have to see this, I—I really can’t,” they say, sniffling again and your brows pinching even more.

While waiting, your leg once again starts bouncing anxiously and your phone finally gets pinged. You put your friend on speaker, quickly typing in the address and login on your PC.

“So? What am I supposed to see?”

“J-Just keep scrolling, you’ll find it. I’m so fucking sorry, honey. We’ll go to the dean’s office, or the police… w-we’ll—fuck—we’ll get this sorted out, okay?” your friend attempts to reassure you, but they sounded like they needed it more right now.

You scroll for a while, still having no clue about what you’re supposed to find, listening to Taylor mumble some more and scrolling through random post after random post of annoying frat guys your friend follows, exes, friends, etcetera.

“I still don’t know what I’m supposed to—”

Until your eyes zone in on it, your first and last name displayed at the top of the post. [ Hiiii everyone!!! I’m the hot emo chick in your computer science class at Weston NexTech! ]

* Click Image Attachment

You swallow emptily, clicking on the first attachment.

Dread fills your lungs and suddenly—you’re unable to breathe.

What greets you is your barely legal self. Staring back at you.

It’s a selfie—your selfie—arm hooked under one of your legs, and pulling it upwards, while you use your other to raise the strap of your thong, teasing the viewer… your ‘boyfriend’ at the time.

It all clicks at once and you immediately understand what this is—

Revenge porn.

[ So, I bet that got your attention, right? Hehe! You better read closely now!

I’m making a post here because I’m suuuuper fucking bored,

and I was hoping you guys could cheer me up! :3 ]

* Click Image Attachment

“Babe? Y-You okay?”

“Hold on,” you reply snappily, feeling the tips of your digits turning painfully cold.

Your bare ass is on display in the second image, bent over the bed and looking back at the camera. Your stomach twists with heavy nausea.

You remember these pictures.

[ I’ve never done this before, but I looove attention <3 and

since you guys have got nothing to lose, we should all play

a game, okay?! Yaay!

I’ve always been shy and I thought it

would be fun to get to know everyone before

I graduate, so this little honor student

is going to cut you a deal, yeah? ]

* Click Image Attachment

You thought that maybe Taylor hung up on you, but in reality you just stopped being able to hear anything.

With your heart pounding wildly, you glance at the engagement and notice there are about two thousand people who’d liked the fucking thread.

Two whole thousands, and the thread doesn’t even fucking end there.

[ At the bottom of the thread you can find my email

and phone number! :D

And who knows, if it’s going really well, maybe I’ll even invite you over to my place!!!

Or depending on how this goes, I could share my

address with everyone! Wouldn’t that be fun? ]

* Click Image Attachment

Suddenly, a lot of today’s events start making sense to you.

The random phone calls, the spam emails, the people looking at you funny and jocks almost sexually assaulting you on the way to class.

[ You better hurry now, before it’s too late

and I change my mind! Hehe!

I’ll be posting new clips every Tuesday, at 11 PM,

make sure to watch them all!

So please, please, please! Text me, call me, or

hit me up IRL! I’d like to get to know as many of you hotties as I can <3

Keep in mind that I’m shy and I like assertive guys,

so don’t worry if I say no! I really, really like rough roleplay

as you can see below!

Till next Tuesday and thank you for the likes!!! <3 ]

* Play video

You must’ve shifted realities, because your body stopped feeling like your own.

Why were you here again?

Ah, because you decided to cut Shigaraki out of your project.

Or maybe because he’d asked to play with you and you were too stunned to respond to him.

Would you have played with him if the stun wore off that time, if he’d asked again? Probably not.

So then, you’re here because the two of you met at the convenience store, way back.

What had you said to him that day? Couldn’t you have just gotten out of the way like a normal human being? But he wasn’t mad the next day when he’d met you in class.

That means you must have fucked up badly, multiple times, right?

This is your fault. It’s always your fault.

But there’s no time for that, because you partially tune into reality again, and now you can hear Taylor crying softly on the speaker of your phone.

With a shaky grip on your mouse, you press play on the clip and the first noise you hear is your dealer fumbling with the camera, trying to set it up.

It’s been years.

This was a different time of your life, one that you’d like so desperately to erase from your brain, from your history.

You were high, and not on life, no.

You’re high on something crazy, like heroin. It was one of the first videos too, you remember. You can tell by the amount of scars and bruises you can see on yourself. And you’d let your dealer… your sort-of-ex, take pictures of your body as another form of payment, after sexual favors became too boring for him.

But it didn’t stop at that.

No, that was only the start. He’d started recording videos of the two of you fucking—really low quality amateur pornos—and then, as the months passed, he’d realized he could talk you into trying pretty much anything if he dangled the right prizes in front of your eyes.

You were way younger, really fucking stupid, always under the influence, with no safety-net and constantly daring life over and over to really mess you up. It meant you didn’t give a fuck about your situation, of some insignificant videos or pictures… at least at first.

If anything you used to like the attention from him.

From anyone.

But that all had changed, once you started cleaning up your act, once you were able to become confident again. You made him delete all of them, you really did, but the bastard must have had backups, something that did cross your mind at the time, but you thought—hoped—that he at least wouldn’t share them with anyone. He was a coward and a criminal after all. One that you had a lot of dirt on, in case he decided to fuck you over.

It should’ve been fine, you should’ve been safe.

Unless someone like Shigaraki managed to get a hold of him, threatening or paying him off to get what he wanted. Yeah, that must’ve been it.

But you haven’t gotten the slightest clue as to how he put two and two together to find your ex. You’d almost completely changed your identity since.

However, that must not matter for someone of Shigaraki’s caliber, because you’re now staring at the evidence that more than half of your university has had access to.

“Taylor,” you say in a monotone voice, a quiet tear escaping you.

“Y-Yes? Hun, I’m s-sorry. I’m r-really so-rry.”

Pain thrums through your cells and your chest hurts. You don’t know how to comfort them.

You don’t know how to comfort your fucking self.

“It’s… not the full video. He’s—he’s splitting it into parts. He’s planning to fuck with me by posting them week by week before class, so that he’ll be able to gauge my reaction. Like an actual psychopath.”

Your eyes glide over the thread quickly once more. Then, again. Reading it over and over.

Ah, he’s insane. Completely, utterly, off-his-fucking-medication insane.

You thought maybe your stupid fucking brain was playing tricks on you but no.

He’d left you a message. In the thread.

He’d actually left you a message.

You open notepad on your PC and write it down, side by side.

[ I bet that got your attention, right?—You better read closely now—I have got nothing to lose—We should play a game—I’m going to cut you a deal—It’s over—Depending on how this goes—I’ll share your address with everyone—You better hurry now, before it’s too late and I change my mind ]

You lose. Game over

Taylor is calling your name. You blink. Twice.

“W-We can go to the dean, right? T-They should understand. W-We’ll go together and—”

“No,” you interrupt, a feeling of numbness washing over you. “I’m not sure they’ll believe me. Plus his dad’s a big shot.”

“Please, we can—we can go to the police! He—He can’t get away with this!”

“It’s fine. I’m hanging up, okay? I’ll try calling him and if that doesn’t work then… I don’t know. I’ll just try calling him.”

“What? No! Don’t! We need the police—please, please, let’s go to the police!”

“You know I can’t do that, Tay. I’ll talk to you later. It’ll be fine,” you lie, cutting them off and hanging up.

Your hands are shaking, as you stare at his name in your contacts list.

‘You lose’ he’d said. ‘Game over’

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, you chant in your head. You’ll be okay, you’ve been through worse, you’ll be okay.

Ring.

Ring—

“Yeah?” a hoarse voice replies with a curse under his breath, seemingly distracted, as sounds of a mechanical keyboard bleed through the phone speakers and up against your ear.

“It’s… It’s me.”

Then there was silence.

Until you hear a strange sound. It takes you a good second to realize that he’s fucking giggling.

“Uh-huuuh. What did you want? I’m busy,” he says while your hearing attunes to him mashing his keyboard louder.

You take a deep breath. “Take it down.”

“Hmmm? Take what down? You should be more specific, I’m not really following.” Shigaraki smiles and you could fucking hear it in his voice.

Your eyes screw shut, anger already bubbling within yourself. “You know what I mean, stop playing dumb. Take. It. Down.”

“Aaah, I don’t have time to play games with you, so either get to the point or—”

“What do you want, Shigaraki? Hm?” you growl, quickly losing your patience. “Do you want me to blow you? Sleep with you? What do you want from me?”

“Whoaaaa, what the hell? Chill! Do I look like some desperate fucking loser to you?” he says it, like he doesn't know. “Only idiots would think to fuck ugly bimbos like you, and it seems like you’re pretty much used goods at this point anyways, haha. Honestly, who’d fuck you at all ever again? I’ve seen all the shit your ex did—” He inhales sharply, key taps becoming frantic on the other side of the line. “Fuck! They’re on B, planting! Spinner, fucking TP there, stop wasting time, FUCK! HEY! Do you want to win, or what? Oh, you do? Then fucking LISTEN to me.”

After a long second of him huffing and puffing in your ear, it finally clicks in your brain.

Shigaraki is gaming, playing with his buddies, relaxing while you feel like your life is falling apart for the 1000th time this month.

“Okay,” you finally say.

“Okay? Okay, what?” he scoffs. “You know, you should try a little harder, moron. I told you what to do before, if you want me to help you.” Shigaraki pauses, focusing on his game for another moment. You watch your animated wallpaper turn into a dark screen due to your inactivity—until he snorts. “Yeah, maybe you do enjoy this kind of thing, after all. I wouldn’t really put it past you. After seeing those vids, boy, gotta admit.” He whistles and his mic peaks. “Didn’t think you were the type! Ahh, does the faculty even know? I wonder how they’d react, knowing their adorable little honors student was spending her free time fucking low-level druglords, getting high and recording shitty rape-porn!”

“What I do with my life, in private, is none of your fucking business!” you yell into your phone. “Do you even know how old I was in those? What I fucking went through? Did you not fucking see? Yet you still decide you wanna go ahead and dox me?” you ask desperately, voice cracking multiple times. “What kind of monster are you? How low can you fucking stoop, like actually?”

What were you trying to do? Appeal to his humanity? Does a guy like this even feel empathy? The last few ones in your life didn’t, and they were all really fucked up too. What’s the chance he’d listen? Probably none, but what’s the point in holding back anyways?

“Damn, don’t get emotional, man. Not my fuckin’ problem you let your shitty ass boyfriends fuck you up like that—Fuck, shut up! Wasn’t talking to you, idiot. Yeah, I’m in a call, focus on the fucking game!” he yells at his friends before continuing, “Listen, got anything else to say besides bitching and whining at me? Last I recall, I gave you two fucking options, and so far you’ve chosen to ignore both. So explain to me why I should do anything for you, hm? Make it count, too, ‘cos I’m really tired of hearing you cry in my fuckin’ ears.”

Wow—he was just… wow.

“I’m sorry,” you say honestly, breaking that apology record after all.

“Mm? Come again? Couldn’t hear ya.”

Tomura smiles expectantly.

At last, the breaking point. He’d hoped that ideally, it would’ve happened in class, with you kneeling before him in front of all NPCs to see, but this was okay too. He’s going to cut you a little more slack, you didn’t know who you were dealing with, after all.

See? He can be merciful as well.

Your jaw tightens, eyes becoming glassy with wet sadness for the nth time today.

“I’m fucking sorry, o-okay?”

The weight comes crashing on you all at once, and you finally break down crying in front of the devil himself.

You hear him saying ‘BRB’ and after some shuffling, the line becomes completely silent, save for your pathetic sobs.

Is he just listening to you suffer? Was he that fucking cruel?

“I-I’m sorry for being such a—such a bitch to you in the store—f-for talking to you in class and g-getting you in trouble with the professor. I-I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t know better,” you sob. “I shouldn’t have—shouldn't have talked out of turn, shouldn’t have upset you—” Your voice cracks and you choke, “I-I wish I’d never talked to you. I was stupid. R-Really, really stupid to cross you. Will you please, please take the thread down? I’ll make sure I’ve learned m-my place. I won't bother you again.”

You sound so pathetic even to your own ears, as you descend into the beginnings of a panic attack. It’s over. It’s all over. Your life is going to be destroyed after this. You’ll lose your scholarship, Taylor will leave you and you’ll finally buy that rope and fucking hang—

He should be feeling thrilled, ecstatic even, now that he’s finally gotten to crush you.

You, with your filthy fucking mouth, always cursing at him, always talking shit and trying to piss him off. You, who are like everyone else in this world, who’ll sneer and think you’re better than him. He’s put you in your place where you belong, like everyone else who tries to fuck with him.

Held back, even.

That’s right, he’s holding back right now. He’s given you a choice and you finally used that stupid brain of yours to take it.

He should be feeling on top of the world, but instead he feels something twisting within him, hearing the broken desperation in your voice.

Ahhh. Anger. He’s feeling anger.

You wished you’d never talked to him? To never bother him again?

Shouldn’t you wish to be nicer? For him to forgive you? For him to like you?

The fuck kind of apology was this? Why were you so fucking clueless?

“That all?” he replies to your sobs, bored and indifferent.

“What?” you whisper.

“Is that fucking all, I asked. Are you fuckin’ deaf now or something?” He raises his voice at you and you flinch.

“I-I don’t u-understand, I’m being genuinely—”

“I DoN’t unDerStaAanD! Fucking—cry more, bitch,” Shigaraki mocks you. “You’re wasting my fucking time, so if that’s all you have to say, I’m hanging up.”

Fuck, he’s let himself become defensive. He’s being irrationally angry right now, losing his cool.

This hurt feels new to him, and he’s only ever felt it around you. That’s right, it’s your fault.

It’s your fault you disrespected him when he’d asked to play with you. It’s your fault you thought you could get away with getting him in trouble, it’s your fault he’s feeling this way right now.

It’s your fucking fault, and he’s angry, so very angry that someone like you is able to get to him, to hurt—

You feel your knuckles turning white from the pressure of your fingertips against the plastic case of your phone.

“Can you stop being a fucking child f-for one f-fucking second, and talk to me so I can understand?!”

“There’s nothing for you to understand. You’re fucking retarded, and I’m gonna make sure you can’t set a single fucking foot outside your house, without feeling scared that rapists and stalkers are camping next to your door. Stupid bitch, maybe I’ll post the entire fucking thing today, give ‘em your address and get it over with,” he grunts, voice low and cold. “I lost the game too, ‘cos of your sorry ass.”

“—really fucking hate you, Shigaraki! But you’re used to people feeling like that about you, aren’t you? Fucking with my life—with people’s lives like you’re some—what? Some god?” you spit, abandoning all your reasoning.

If he’s going to destroy your life too, might as well go down with a fight, right?

“You’re not, though,” you laugh bitterly, million thoughts racing through your head and you feel like your brain is gonna split. “You’re really not. You’re just a… you’re just a pathetic unoriginal asshole, and I can’t fucking believe how stupid I was to let myself—to ever think—to stoop so low and fucking feel like you’re—to fucking like someone like y—”

There’s silence.

And then you hear Shigaraki inhale softly.

Blood drains from your face.

Were you just about to… were you confessing to him?

Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid.

Your thumb hovers over the ‘end call’ button. Fuck this.

“What? What did you—what were you saying?”

“Fuck off,” you whisper, shoulders slumping.

“HEY! Repeat? What did you say? You can’t believe you what?” His voice is eager as he presses you, but you’re already checked out of the conversation.

“I said, go fuck yourself asshole. Pray I kill myself before I have to see you again.”

“If you fucking dare to hang up now, I swear to fucking GOD,” he yells, volume peaking again and you just end the call, turning your phone off and slumping in your chair.

Then, you giggle deliriously at the memory of you defending him a few hours ago.

What were you even saying? Ahh, right! ‘Don’t pick on him because of silly rumors. Don’t say stupid shit if you don’t know him!’

You’re so fucking stupid. Why the fuck did you friendly fire at your best friend of all people? They were right. He’s just a piece of shit. You’d even cried in front of him, begging him to stop. You’d fucking apologized.

Pathetic. That’s all you are. Fucking pathetic.

“Fuck this whole world, honestly,” you whisper to yourself.

Getting up, you grab your phone and use all your force to throw it across the room, hearing it smash against the wall and then fall to the floor. You hope it splintered and broke, the way you feel like your life has.

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #emotional hurt/comfort #shigaraki tomura #unhealthy relationships #dead dove do not eat #trigger warnings #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki fanfiction #shigaraki x you #tenko shimura #tomura shigaraki #college au #reader is female

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indigos-stardust · 5 months ago

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I'm super curious about the fruit bat vampire WIP.

Sorry I took like bajillion years- I was going chronological order, and then some stuff happened irl :') and I might've made an artworks for it

HOWEVER, you chose a very nice (and extremely self indulgent) WIP even though its.. underdeveloped to say the least

Basically there was a dangerous witch/poe causing shenanigans and the colors were sent out to deal with it. The Poe or whatever definitely was setting up curses, although they don't know what the curses were intended to be.

During their battle with him, he ended up shooting Vio, even though Vio swung it back with the four swords (I mean it is a light magic sword). After the battle though, Vio just... didn't seem cursed at all. He was fine, so they all assumed that the curse didn't hit Vio at all.

But then the side effects started. Around the same time there were investigations on what the poe had actually been up to. Which was starting to look like some sort of evil transformation ritual. (the poe was probably trying to convert life force to magic, but they don't know that.)

Meanwhile, Vios become "ill" and he's sent to the castle infirmary, unable to eat foods (not even bread??), constant headaches from sounds and smells, looking pale, has a horrendous sleeping schedule, and- tiny claws and teeth. Confusion and... loss of speech? They realize this isn't a normal illness. There's a tainted magic in his blood. Slowly, yet surely infecting and warping him.

He's starving.

They put some dots together and well- Yeah he's like just becoming a straight up vampire isn't he?

And then let's just say within the next 24 hours not only has vio hissed and scratched a guard in the face, but he's also escaped and become. :) let us just say it like it is, "freaky as hell"

Unfortunately I do not have a more detailed artworks of that, the best I have is this:

but I feel like it gives the vibes off appropriately.

hes just acting feral, hiding in the rafters n etc 💀 Yeah its kinda hard to hide the fact that your brother is cursed as hell and might want to eat people when he's just climbing the walls and acting feral.

its ok that he's a lil ugly, he's still cute, like bats are yk?

they tried to "reason" with him and get him to follow them so they could try to undo the magic but the conversation went something like:

"heyyyy viooooooooo"

"..."

"wooowwww you.. made a freaky nest up there! thats- thats cool- um, but I'm SURE YOUD LOVE SOME BLANKETS AND SMALL ANIMALS (and not people) TO EAT RIGHT??"

"..."

*waves blood packet of animal blood from the kitchen*

"psst psst psst"

vio: *screeching and scampering, tries to 'lunge' on them but then falls down a flight of stairs and disappears*

"well. that didn't go to plan . - . o- o y-y"

XD, anyways some knights up finding THE FERAL VAMPIRE??? and they're like we're gonna kill it!!! and then the colors have to explain that they cant because THATS VIO

and well, to say they get some... divided responses... he might jump red at one point but well...

the truth of everything is that the poe was cursing people into animals, as a way to feast off of their misery. He was trying to turn vio into a bat (the bat being a fruit bat btw) but it only really hit him half way. So now he's taken on physical and mental traits of a bat without a full transformation.

theres a point where he jumps red who, earlier in the day, had spilled juice on himself (lil guy COULD NOT reach the highest shelf and it spilled on his head lol, he was in the kitchen stress baking because they forced him to rest)

They do eventually manage to figure it out (or Zelda does, she realizes that his behaviours are just like Jeremy's... If your'e confused, everyone else was too, she had to explain that when she was trapped under Vaati and Ganon and just fighting for her sanity because of the dark magic n etc, she became friends with a bat that lived there... and named him Jeremy. She is so sane and not effected by her time there, she was totally not shown horribly images of her kingdom falling and being manipulated and etc....)

Anyways there's also a thin where he experienced torpor (mini hibernation) once things chill the hell down lol, but the colors think he dead 0-0, this has spent too long in my drafts so I'm just gonna post it sorry for being 7 decades late

#four swords #four swords vio #fs #fs au #vampire fruit bat au

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actualbird · 1 year ago

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this sounds rly weird to say but stick with me - i wish luke would get ill in canon. obviously he has a terminal illness which would weaken his immune system and while it’s great he’s physically fit i mean SURELY he’s way more susceptible to getting seriously ill from a cold/the flu, right?? idk i think i just want to see him being taken care of bc he deserves it but also i do like the idea of him being taken care of by the nxx and them looking out for him when he gets seriously ill from a virus/bug etc etc

i got this ask Before main story 9 dropped but only after did i wanna answer it because i totally feel u.....

i feel like tot doesnt let luke get smaller ails in canon because hes already dealing With The Big One Thats Killing Him (any more wld be overkill?). and though it's also true that neurological conditions dont necessarily always affect the immune system, it's still a dang shame cuz like u, i'd adore a story where it's the others taking care of him when hes down with a bad case of the flu....and given recent main story events, i reALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE TEAM HELP LUKE WITH A LOW-STAKES AIL :(((

in true luke fashion, he'd probably keep it under wraps and make excuses until his absence at an nxx meeting cannot be ignored and they crash his apartment to see him in a MISERABLE little pile of blankets trying to remedy this by himself

mc: why didnt you tell us!!!! >:O

luke: it's not a big deal :( it's just the flu and already called aaron for doctor's advice and meds and everything, i can take care of myself

vyn: have you been hydrating?

luke, nervously: ..............yyyyyes?

artem, looking in his fridge: theres nothing in here but peanut's treats, what have you been feeding yourself?

luke, still nervously: ffffood?

marius, finding a pack of sliced bread near his bed: dude, have you just been eating bread???

luke, increasingly nervously because hes fighting for his life out here: i cant stomach anything else for some reason!!!

mc: uh huhhhh, you seem to be doing a Great job at taking care of this yourself :/

luke: ;-;

cue the team helping out: helping in cleaning the place up (when luke is miserable his place gets even Messier), cooking simple foods (artem's soup to the rescue), etc etc. luke would be So apologetic during the whole thing, constantly apologizing for being a bother, which is both depressing and grating to hear. mc almost wants to take two piece of sliced bread and sandwich luke's face in them to tell him "STOP SAYING SORRY!!!" but she knows thatll probably make him feel worse, so she restrains herself

for all luke's apologizing, he does feel better with the team helping out. but then he feels bad about feeling better (because HOW DARE HE....AFTER HE INCONVENIENCED THEM ALL!!!) and it's this terrible ouroboros of shame

eventually, mc sends the other boys out on a grocery run to help stock luke's fridge with fruits and other good snacks-for-sick-person, and alone in luke's apartment she sits next to him.

mc: hey, tell me the truth. you knew you were doing a cruddy job at looking after yourself, you knew you shouldve asked for help. why didnt you?

luke: ...i dont...like it...i dont like you or the others seeing me like this

mc: pathetic?

luke: i mean, yeah. but i meant....sick. i dont like you guys seeing me sick. because of, yknow.....being sick and useless and helpless, it feels like a prelude, and everyone else is burdened picking up the pieces around me.

mc: oh

luke: yeah

mc: hm. youre an idiot

luke: ????

mc: i cant speak for the others, but i can tell you that i surely dont mind seeing you like this if it means i can help. dont you always tell me to rely on you more? how about you return the favor, luke. let us help, sometimes. let me help.

and we all know shes way too good at setting up a winning argument.

by the time the others get back, luke is a more cooperative patient and a less-apologetic one. in the back of his mind, he figures it cant hurt to let himself feel okay getting help every once in a while.

#tears of themis #if theres no comfort in main story then homemade is fine...#luke pearce #tot rosa #asks #anon #tot luke #xia yan

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major-wren · 2 years ago

Text

Sonic Timeline (?)

Okay guys.. help me with this. Is THIS the current canon timeline for the main-line games? I really wanna figure out some sort of standard main-line canon, so feel free to pitch your two cents in comments & reblogs.

Read below the cut to see the timeline I put together, based on what I'm pretty sure might be the official canon timeline we're in right now.

HEAVY SONIC SPOILERS WARNING

> Ancient times,

before humans or animal-folk existed: The "Ancients" (shown in sonic frontiers) have their planet destroyed, and escape to Sonic's world to rebuild, but are destroyed again. We do not know who destroyed them either times, but their cyber-world containing their memories are left behind along with the chaos emeralds.

>In Sonic Riders, they establish the "Babylonians," or "Children of Babylon." They are another ancient alien race with advanced technology, although Sonic's world was not their home, they just got trapped there by accident. They built the Babylon Garden, a floating island that was originally their space ship, but eventually it was all destroyed as a "punishment from the Gods." The Babylonians did not go extinct, but it seems that they evolved into the bird-like species that Jet, Storm, and Wave are.

> 4,000 years before the 1950s:

"The Fourth Great Civilization" existed and were able to harness chaos energy. They built a gizoid capable of destroying the world, which Sonic would later name Emerl. This Gizoid became too powerful and ended up destroying the civilization that built it.

> "Thousands of years" before Sonic Adventure

(unknown how many thousands): The last Ancient maybe evolved into Chaos? The echidna tribes exist now and live in harmony with Chaos and the little chaos, but one tribe becomes power hungry for the master emerald and Chaos transforms into his monster-form and wipes out the power hungry tribe to protect the emeralds (I believe that tribe he wiped out was the largest echidna tribe but not all of them). Tikal seals herself and Chaos within the Master Emerald. Also, when they were alive the echidnas painted a mural based on a prophecy of someone using the chaos emeralds to go super in the future.

> 1950's, or 50 years before SA2

(Assuming SA2 takes place in the year of its release date, 2001, and then subtract 50 years because Shadow said thats how long he was asleep.) Ok, 1950s: Gerald Robotnik's niece/granddaughter Maria becomes terminally ill with NIDs. He seeks government funding to find a cure but they only agree on the terms that he also builds a weapon for them. He agrees, and lives on space colony ARK with Maria to work on his creation. He researches the ancient echidna tribes and the chaos emerald, as proven by the structures he built on the ARK that are identical to the structures the echidnas left behind. Its also believed that he was inspired by the mural the echidnas painted of that prophecy that depicts Sonic's super form, and that's why Shadow looks like Sonic, especially with the red eyes and upturned quills that Sonic's super form has. The mural can be found in Sonic 3.

>Gerald makes contact with the black arms aliens race and strikes a deal. If they let him use their alien DNA, then he'll let them use Shadow to take over the world when their comet comes by again. He makes the lazer on the ARK to explode the aliens' comet when they come by again so that they can't actually use Shadow, then combines the black arms DNA and the chaos emeralds to make Shadow (and also adds part of Maria's soul somehow I guess). If you like to keep parts of the Archie comics, then it's implied Gerald personally raised Shadow himself alongside Maria, as he calls him son in the Archie comics.

>Gerald also finds the old gizoid I mentioned earlier. Upon learning of its powers, he fears what could happen if it's left unchecked and tries to build safety measures into it so that nobody can use it to destroy the world. Yknow, since it wiped out an entire civilization 4,000 years ago. Relations with G.U.N are rocky as they're beginning to fear Project Shadow, and to make things worse, Gerald loses control of the gizoid and it destroys part of the space colony. In order to fix relations with G.U.N and protect everyone from the gizoid, he tries to destroy its core but is unable to, so as a last ditch effort he puts part of Maria's soul in it. Seriously... how is he doing that??

>G.U.N fears the weapons Gerald is building (bio-lizard, emerl the gizoid, and Shadow) and decides to shut it all down. As they rush the space colony ARK, Maria is killed by a G.U.N soldier as she tries to help Shadow escape. Gerald is sent to prison island with an unconscious Shadow. He is allowed to continue working on Shadow under supervision in prison island but ends up augmenting Shadow's memory to make him believe Maria wants him to destroy the world, so he can get his revenge. G.U.N finds out hes double crossing them somehow and he is executed, and Shadow is locked away deep within prison island. The gizoid is also sealed away.

> 1990's, "classic" era

Young Sonic begins his adventures saving flickies from eggman bots. It's assumed Knuckles was also born at a similar time as Sonic, and that by now the echidna species has slowly dwindled down over time to just Knuckles. I assume that since echidnas lay eggs, that Knuckles wasnt able to meet his parents because they died before he hatched, or when he was super super young and had no memory. But also... let's not think about that too hard. Anyway, Tikal is still sealed inside the Master Emerald with Chaos, and the little chaos and flickies are on Angel Island too, so hes not entirely alone.

>Sonic happens to run by and save Tails from some bullies, and Tails decides to follow him and become his side-kick. On a solo adventure, Sonic then faces off with Eggman and his new robot Metal-Sonic, who are holding Amy hostage. Amy's fortune telling tarot cards told her she'd meet her hero in that location, and since Sonic saves her there, she decides to follow him too. Sonic then meets Knuckles, who has been deceived by Eggman. Eggman lied and said Sonic is trying to steal the Master Emerald, so Sonic and Knuckles fight, but when Eggman's lie is revealed Knuckles teams up with Sonic to defeat him. They all become friends and everyday heroes, going on adventures together, as well as Tails having his solo adventures and Knuckles has an adventure with Team Chaotix and Mighty the armadillo. (Sonic 1, Sonic 2, Sonic CD, Sonic Drift, Sonic 3, Sonic Mania, Sonic Drift 2, Knuckles' Chaotix, Tails' Adventure, Sonic R, and Sonic Origins.)

> 1999, Sonic Adventure 1:

Eggman unleashes Chaos from the Master Emerald to take over the world, but Sonic defeats him. Tikal's spirit was also released from the Master Emerald when eggman shattered it, and so she commits to taking care of Chaos after Sonic defeats it, and Knuckles restores the Master Emerald. Sonic's growing up into his teens and becoming a hero on a bigger scale now (he is 15 at this point). Knuckles, Tails, and Amy seem comfortable working as a team now too.

> 2001, Sonic Adventure 2:

Eggman discovers Gerald's diary and wakes up Shadow 50 years after the ARK massacre so he can use Shadow to take over the world. Shadow double crosses him to completely destroy the world, killing everyone including himself and eggman, but after a heart to heart with Amy (who happens to say something similar to Shadow's key-phrase, Maria's last words), he regains his true memories and saves the world at the last minute through self sacrifice. Rouge also joins in this game, at first as a double spy working for the government, but throughout the game she begins to care about Shadow as she uncovers his past, and in the end she allies with Sonic team, at least on neutral terms.

> Sonic Advance 1 & 2:

In Sonic Advance 1, Sonic, Amy, Tails, and Knuckles all go on a classic adventure beating up eggman's bots in the familiar Greenhill zones. In Sonic Advance 2, Cream the rabbit is introduced and Team Sonic help save her mother Vanilla the rabbit from eggman.

> Sonic Heroes:

Shadow turns out to have survived his fall from space, and eggman has sealed him within his base with a guard robot named Omega. Rouge finds him and takes him under her wing along with Omega, forming Team Dark, although shes unsure if its the real Shadow or one of the robot replicas that eggman built. Neo-metal sonic is the big bad guy of this game but everyone defeats him together (team chaotix, team rose, team dark, and team sonic).

> Shadow The Hedgehog (the game):

The black arms return just like they said they would but Sonic crew defeats them with Shadow, who regains his memories with his friends' help. It's a good thing Gerald made so many video messages and diaries for people to find in the future lol

> Sonic Battle:

Eggman uncovers Emerl the gizoid, an ancient robot his grandfather Gerald discovered before him in the 1950s and gave a part of Maria's soul. Emerl is unresponsive though, so Eggman abandons him. Sonic finds him and brings him to Tails to fix up. Shadow attempts to destroy Emerl, saying something along the lines that Sonic (and bio-weapon creators) don't understand what its like to be a living weapon, that it's a life not worth living, and that he won't allow Emerl to exist knowing he has the capability to destroy the world, and also that no one else should have to live through what he has. Sonic protects Emerl and is adamant that every life has value and that he'll keep Eggman from using Emerl for evil.

>Everyone except Shadow decides to collect all the chaos emeralds so that Emerl can be reset through a key-phrase Rouge found, but there's also a chance he'll default to destroying the world if he's overwhelmed with power. Shadow refuses to give the last emerald in fear of Emerl losing control, but Rouge explains that Gerald gave Shadow and Emerl souls, so that even if someone tried to force them to destroy the world, their souls would prevent them from being able to do it. Deciding to trust Rouge and his shared soul with Emerl, Shadow gives up the last emerald and says the key-phrase (Maria's last words, which is also Shadow's key-phrase). It works and Emerl gains free will, but after a while Eggman captures him again and overwhelms him with power, which causes Emerl to lose control and attempt to destroy the world, forcing Sonic to fight him. Emerl self destructs as Gerald's last safety measure for if he is weaponized, ending his story there. Also, side note, Chaos is mentioned by Knuckles, meaning its still alive on Angel Island.

> Sonic Advance 3:

Eggman creates a new robot named Gemerl made out of the leftover data he could scavenge from what was left of Emerl after he self destructed. He then uses chaos control to break the world into seven pockets of reality so he can conquer it all and turn it into the Dr. Eggman Empire. Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Amy, and Cream all group up to fight the eggman bots, Gemerl, and collect the chaos emeralds. Once they have all the chaos emeralds, Gemerl betrays Eggman and steals the emeralds for himself to become 'Ultimate Gemerl.' Sonic becomes super and teams up with Eggman to defeat Gemerl, who explodes.

>Later on, while Cream and her mother are at the beach, they find Gemerl's damaged body on the shore and bring it to Tails. Tails repairs Gemerl and reprograms him to be friendly and non-violent. From then on, Gemerl lives a peaceful life with Cream and Vanilla in their cottage, and becomes Cream's protector. In a way, Emerl was able to be reborn into Gemerl and have another chance at life.

> Sonic Rush 1 & 2:

Blaze the cat is introduced when her dimension collides with Sonic's. Unlike the chaos emeralds, princess Blaze needs the sol emeralds to stay together or else her islands will drop into the ocean. Blaze, Sonic, and Tails fight the Eggman of her dimension to save their worlds. In the second game, Marine is added and they go on a pirate adventure when Sonic and Tails end up in Blaze's dimension. Later on in The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog, it is revealed that Blaze is able to open a portal whenever she likes so she can cross into Sonic's dimension to visit or help in bigger adventures.

> Sonic Riders:

I honestly haven't looked into the story yet, I think these bird people are like... the descendents of aliens or something?? Why are there so many ancient aliens in sonic lore. Well anyway, the Babylon rogues are introduced with Jet, Wave, and Storm. Also hoverboards exist.

> Sonic The Hedgehog 2006:

Okay so... Silver is definitely canon and still needs to exist because he's in the IDW comics, but... Is anything besides him still canon in this timeline? I mean, even if Elise is out there somewhere, do any of the characters remember her?

> Sonic Lost World, Sonic Colors, Sonic and The Black Knight, and Sonic and The Secret Rings:

Lost World introduces the Zeti aliens, and Colors introduces wisps. The storybook games further support/imply the existence of other timelines and dimensions, or maybe Sonic was just dreaming.

>I don't think it really matters exactly what order these games happen in, including Sonic Unleashed, as long as they happen before the events of Generations. By release date though, it's Secret Rings > Unleashed > Black Knight > Colors > Lost World. HOWEVER, release dates don't always matter, because writers have said before that release dates dont always line up with the story. For example: Sonic Battle actually takes place before Sonic Heroes, even though Sonic Heroes came out first.

> Sonic Unleashed:

Since the beginning of time, a god-like being named Dark Gaia has been sleeping within the core of the world and wakes up to shatter the world at a certain time every however many years, and each time Light Gaia would put it back together. I wonder if this is what keeps wiping out the ancient alien civilizations? Clearly the Ancients in Sonic Frontiers, the aliens from Sonic Riders, and "The Fourth Civilization" from Sonic Battle each had time to build up their civilizations to amazingly advanced technological landscapes, but would then get wiped out and the next civilization would have to restart.

>Eggman learns how to drain the chaos emeralds' of their power, and condenses their power into a lazer that he uses to shatter the world's crust in order for Dark Gaia to escape (but couldn't he already do that with the ARK's lazer?) He also drained Sonic of his super form, which turned him into a werewolf with stretchy arms for some reason, but only at night. Since Light Gaia was taken from the Earth's core prematurely, he is in a weakened state with amnesia, and follows Sonic around until he remembers his true purpose.

>The Dark Gaia absorbs whatever power was inside of Sonic that caused him to turn into a werehog, curing him of his curse, and then Light Gaia weakens Dark Gaia so that Sonic can defeat it in his super form. Light Gaia, or Chip, then helps Sonic return to the Earth's surface, and seals himself within the core once again.

> Sonic Generations:

Sonic is celebrating his birthday!! Which proves that he and everyone else have been slowly aging throughout their adventures. Suddenly, the "Time Eater" attacks, and scatters all the birthday party guests all across space and time. Sonic and Tails meet their younger selves from the past, and they all race through all of the adventures Sonic's been on to restore the timeline. They defeat the Time Eater, which is being piloted by eggman and eggman from the past, with the help of their friends and their past selves. Afterward Sonic and his friends return to the present, with the Sonic and Tails from the past. Sonic tells his younger self that he's going to have a great future, before sending him and the young past Tails off to their correct time through the remaining time portal. Current Eggman tells Past Eggman that he's yet to defeat Sonic, and Past Eggman considers getting a teaching degree instead like he had wanted. It's unclear if Past-Sonic will then go through all the same adventures, or if his time-travel hijinks opened up a new timeline, maybe even one where Eggman becomes a teacher instead! But probably not, lol. At the very least, it opens up a timeline where that Sonic gets deja-vu in all his future adventures leading up to the Time-Eater's attack.

> 2017, Sonic Forces:

Sonic is captured by Infinite and they have to open up a portal into a different timeline/the past to get Classic Sonic to help them save our Sonic.

> IDW comics:

Everyone fights neo-metal and the zeti aliens again, eggman lost his memory but then regained it, the whole zombot arc happened, and now Surge and Kit are on the rise. To those who have not read, I highly recommend at least reading up to issue #29.

> 2022, Sonic Frontiers:

Sonic Frontiers happens somewhere on this timeline... Maybe sometime after Sonic Forces but in the middle of the IDW comics. Sonic crew learn about the Ancients (mentioned first on the timeline), who supposedly are the ones who brought the chaos emeralds to Sonic's world in the first place. Also, the characters are all clearly growing older, as their voices are much more mature, and they each decide to commit to independent adventures to prove their growth. It's honestly really sweet watching Amy and Tails start out with literal child voice-actors, then seeing them grow into their new older voices. I assume Sonic is going from 15 (his last recorded age in SA2) to his 20s, which will probably mean we'll get more lore-focused games that hold space for an older audience while still keeping it kid-friendly.

...I think that's everything? Someone please fill in the gaps on Sonic Riders, I know there's 3 games for that series. I think the details on their alien race might be important if we want to try and piece together the first four ancient civilizations.

Also, someone please share what happens in Sonic Rivals (2006) because I'm not willing to watch like over eight hours of game play yet, but I know it has a big story that most fans aren't familiar with.

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grandmanightmarerealm · 1 year ago

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Please infodump at me about dyslexia and its assorted related disorders.

Okay, so right off the bat, a disclaimer: I personally am not dyslexic. I do have ADHD, but I haven't personally struggled with dyslexia, dysgraphia, etc.

My partner (M, 30) was diagnosed young, like pre-k or kindergarten. Writing his name was a huge struggle and he often spelled it in a way that looked like a different name. His mother also has dyslexia and was able to get him help via Special Education programs, which he DESPISED.

Eventually even with help, he was barely able to finish homework and began to refuse to do it. Teachers at his school were very cruel to him, often calling him stupid, lazy, "not applying himself", etc.

Physical activities came naturally to him. He excelled in art, woodshop, ceramics, and karate. Reading anything, for class or for fun, stopped and when he had to read aloud, was humiliating. Teachers sometimes forced him to read aloud more often, hoping to humble him into working harder. When his grades declined sharply, he stopped trying all together and ended up falling into using drugs and alcohol at only 11 years old. When he finally graduated high school, it was by the skin of his teeth and really only was pushed through because of a flaw with the schools budget, which he then blackmailed the school with. Not really his proudest moment, but it happened. Obviously, the majority of his issues came from the school system failing him. Teachers were ill-prepared to deal with his learning disability, or outright vicious, basically weaponized incompetence.

When we met, I was in school for Early Childhood Education (which I didn't end up completing, teaching has rather lost its luster for me) and I noticed how embarrassed he was when attempting to sign his name or write pretty much anything. I asked if he'd be willing to let me help him practice, and eventually, he did.

As a 23 year old, re-learning how to write was really embarrassing for him, but I was patient and didn't criticize. I helped him find a place where he could laugh at himself and his spelling mistakes, not feel shame in it. We literally got a handwriting book from the dollar tree, and I dotted together the alphabet so he could trace it over and over. He still won't be doing calligraphy anytime soon, but his writing is legible now, and that's what matters.

He's failed out of a lot of college programs. He ends up taking on too much and is put on probation, then on academic suspension. He then appeals it, and the cycle starts again. His latest run is the most successful; CNC Engineering. He works with his hands and with computer programs. One of the things that has helped so much is having a study partner. He really struggles with reading comprehension, and when the letters constantly seem to move or change, it's even harder. When he has chapters to read for class, he will often have me read with him or sometimes to him, so he can visualize the material instead of concentrating so hard on what each word means.

He's also started reading for fun, which is a HUGE step for him. He loves Star Wars, and I had a set of junior novels about Anakin Skywalker as a padawan, which I offered to him. They're short, less condensed than a regular novel, and align with his interests, so it made for a much more enjoyable experience. He reads every night before bed now!

Generally, something like an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) will be figured out for grade/high school, but when you are in college, that no longer applies. However, most colleges will have a department that can help with accommodations needed for classes. This can include an array of options, from tutoring and extensions to large-print textbooks or audio-visual adaptive equipment.

Side note to wrap this up, people often shit all over Comic Sans as a font, but the stylization actually can make it much easier for people with dyslexia to absorb! I encourage my partner to use comic sans when writing a paper, so he can find mistakes easier and then selecting a new font when he's finished.

Basically, patience and encouragement is key.

#dyslexia #dysgraphia #learning disabilities

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la-princessaa · 2 months ago

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In weird way, this post is a long time coming. Does it matter? No. Not particularly. Not to anyone other than me, really. But I'm going through a lot right now. Like, a lot. So I figure, I don't know, just... see where I've come from. The pictures are kind of important. To see how I used to look, the little girl I used to be. Show her some love and care that she needs. She was beautiful. But also be proud of maturing, celebrate getting older, and being alive. That's what these pictures are for. I'm going through a lot in regards to my body, my appearance, autonomy, mental health, and just general change and growth. Growing up. Getting older. Being honest with myself. And also remembering who, exactly, myself is. And carving out a space for me in my own life. Surprisingly hard!

I'm drastically different from 10 years ago. Obviously. 10 years is a long fuckin time. But also I'm one of the unlucky few (or many, I don't know) who had their mental illnesses really take off in their 20s. When I was 16, I was anxious mostly, with some depression. I felt very deeply, regularly, but most of it was happy. I was very sensitive. I did cry a lot. I didn't like the way I looked but I found ways to be happy and appreciate it. I broke up with my boyfriend and honestly. I cried for about an hour. And then I was done. The rest of my teen years were rediscovering myself, dealing with newfound trauma, worsening anxiety and depression, coping terribly, coping well, starting therapy, and just learning... How to be me. Or what exactly felt right. I was super cute, also. I'm baby.

In my late teens-early 20s I discovered that I have, at the very least, OCD-like symptoms in my anxiety. That consumed my life for awhile. My rituals, intrusive thoughts, ruminations, devoured my life for awhile. But I got it back eventually. Everything was... not fantastic, but it was okay. Y'know? I don't really remember a lot from anything before the pandemic, but, hey. Who does? After the pandemic hit, though, I got bad again. So bad, I had to get on medication.

Sometime in my early 20s, I decided I did not like the way I looked. I went to the doctor, saw my weight, went home and just cried. That's always been a struggle for me. Always. Ever since I was about 8 years old, maybe younger, my weight has been a subject. Either directly with me or to my parents from family or doctors. I'm realizing I grew up very different from some of my real-life peers. They didn't have to shop at plus-sized stores and spend exorbitant amounts of money to hope clothes fit. I feel joy and a twinge of jealousy now when I see how accessible clothing is now for fat people. It's fantastic, it's wonderful, but I do feel... some grief, every time, for younger me. I didn't realize I loved fashion until I started losing weight because I couldn't fit into anything. I didn't have variety. I had expensive ass Torrid. And a body that didn't match any of the models. And it was, always, just a little punch every time I went out to buy clothes and couldn't get anything fun in most other stores. Just a slow chip away at my self esteem every time I put something on and hated the way it fit me, hated the way I wasn't the acceptable fat shaped. Hated how I couldn't go into H&M and have anything fit. I still feel this way. I've lost a lot of weight, but these still chip away at me. I'm surprised there's anything left, at this point. Put on clothes, it doesn't lay right on my body. I have so, so much loose skin and it genuinely kills me inside every time I see it.

Anyway. I hated the way I looked, so I decided to lose weight. And it helped. It created a lot of anger and grief that I still have to sift through. A lot of anger at why did nobody tell me this was all it took, how everyone made comments but nobody helped me at all. Everybody was worried for me but nobody told me how to do it RIGHT. It was all no sweets, no fun, no nothing. Atkins. Which, for a teenager who emotionally eats? Fuck that. Plus, I was fine with how I looked, really, as a teen. Some stuff hit me wrong, I had parts I didn't like, but my biggest complex was my boobs. But that was due to a boyfriend. Anyways, I changed habits, it worked and helped. Until the pandemic hit. September of 2021, I bought a dress after getting a job, which was a whole other ordeal. But I put it on. It didn't fit right. And I went "oh". Something shifted that day. And I started down a path I haven't gotten off of. I ignored it, as long as I could. I think I did well. Hell, I started dating and stopped caring after awhile. I quit my job. Gained some weight back. Had a small, like, stupid small health issue that wound up affecting my confidence, and wuh-oh. I did a sharp, sharp left turn and was now having an absolutely terrible view of my body and how I fit into the world. It kickstarted a lot of problems. I went on websites I shouldn't, wandered through parts of Twitter that would make a grown ass, confident man feel terrible about himself. Looked through things I knew would hurt me, to make it all more intense. To see more "progress". I finally spoke up about it, and was like, I gotta get better. This isn't great. Which I have done several times before and since.

And then my world exploded.

Like, big-bang, everything I knew shattered, my world tilted and has never been the same. Every ounce of trauma came back, everything I've talked about here increased to a level I've never had before. I became so, so depressed. I've always been functional in my depressive states. Responsibility has always been stronger. But this time was so different. All I did was lay in bed and cry when I wasn't walking. I, at this point, had only self-harmed occasionally, and then suddenly it was so regular. I count this as when I developed my full-on eating disorder. In my fuckin mid 20s. Suddenly nothing fit me, everything sags, and let me tell you, that does not help. It makes it all worse, actually. I became genuinely suicidal. Like, "staring at my anxiety medication longingly" suicidal. My body dysmorphia is at an all time high, even now. I'm still not out of this. It's better, it's more... I'm doing more healthy, sustainable things, but it's still. bad.

I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore, or in my own head. Genuinely, I've forgotten who I am. As the months have gone on, I've found things that bring me joy or remember things that do, but it's like it's underwater. It's so dull. I think the last week has been the most I've felt like my old self in genuine years. I've done little things to try and fix this. I pierced my nose, which was awesome. I've had a surgery I've wanted since last year. To finally help me feel more comfortable in my skin. To take away a part of me that made me violently uncomfortable. Reclaiming my body to be mine and mine alone. I'm finally buying clothes that fit instead of "I need to gain weight, so I'll get this larger" clothes. It's just as harmful as buying clothes too small to create "goals", by the way. Because in my case, I haven't fixed what's made me drop all the weight, so I'm PETRIFIED of gaining it back. So the clothes are just baggy and don't show off what I like. I don't feel happy or confident in them. Just buy clothes that fit. Seriously.

I'm comfortable saying I'm finally on the mend. I'm not better. But I'm not laying in bed sobbing every day. I'm not self-harming every day. I still have a lot of work to do. A lot. I've become obsessed with being sexy, and desirable, that it's drowning out anything I would actually like. My depression, my eating disorder, my desperation to be accepted and desired and loved, are all drowning out anything that is me. I'm trying to get better. But Jesus, it's a struggle. I do appreciate how I've grown into my face, the nose piercing definitely does a lot. I do still wear what I enjoy, not what my brain tells me I need to wear to be sexy. It's a battle, but I have little victories, at least.

#sammy's random posts #the nerd shows her face #long post #LONG ASS POST #uhh #ed tw #sh tw #weight loss mention #I lost sight of what i wanted this post to be i think but whatever. posting it anyway #everything is different and getting more different by the day

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warden-melli · 3 months ago

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Not pokemon related but fuck these last few years have been tough. Been trying to distract myself all night but I think I need to vent for a sec

Trigger warning after the cut

I don’t want to get into details, but my uncle killed himself this morning. I knew something was wrong straight away when my mother randomly turned up with that look on her face. My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia last year, and my grandfather is in kidney failure, so at first I thought something bad and happened to them, but no. It was my uncle.

I spent a lot of today with my dad. My uncle was his little brother, and quite frankly as sad as I am for what happened to my uncle, I’m most worried about my dad right now. Not only did he lose both his father and older sister within the last year or so, but he’s been in pretty poor health himself. He was involved in an accident at work earlier this year involving a chainsaw, and honestly he’s lucky to be alive. PPE did it’s job, but even so he still ended up losing a tooth, and he’s had to have dental/implant surgeries to repair the damage. The last few weeks he’s also been extremely ill having caught Ross River fever from a job site. I have never seen him this sick in my entire life, and it has been extremely distressing seeing him in so much pain. He’s recovering from being sick, but he’s had an absolutely terrible run of luck, and that’s not even all of it. His best friend/brother in law has lung cancer, his sister just had a heart attack after contracting covid, and another of his sisters was just in a major car accident (he’s one of 10 kids btw). Also his pet budgie died last week. I feel horrible for him and I wish I could do something to make it better.

The last few weeks have been really tough. I broke my wisdom tooth, and because I am really bad at telling if/where I’m in pain I kinda tried to live with an exposed nerve for a few weeks before realising that it was serious. I knew something was wrong, but I have tmjd so I just kinda thought it was a chronic pain flare up at first. Like a really bad one, but I tried to ignore it. I had the back of my knee tattooed while dealing with a cracked wisdom tooth oof. After I figured out it wasn’t going to go away I eventually went to the dentist and had it extracted, but that was really hard for me to deal with. I was happy that the sharp pain had gone, but my jaw has been extremely sore since, and I really struggled sensory wise during the healing period. Then I broke my guitar and my fridge broke, so that’s over $1000 on top of the dental bills -_-

Idk life feels really hard lately. Haven’t been able to draw much, and have just been feeling flat in general. And now my uncle has passed and I just feel terrible. I’ll be okay. My sister is due to have a baby within weeks, and I’ve got some good concerts to look forward to, so it’s not all bad. One of my little sisters has been a twenty one pilots fan since she was literally an infant, and she’s finally old enough to see them live and I was able to get her really good tickets. She’s autistic too and has been working on her outfit and making stickers, and every time I see her that’s all she can talk about. I’m so happy for her and that I get to take her. There is good stuff, and good people and as silly as it sounds Melli/Pokemon really helps. He’s so so special to me. I’m glad I have him to focus on

I just needed to get stuff off of my chest, so if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening. Even if no one reads this just typing it out made me feel a bit better. May be a bit less active for a while, might be way more active. Idk how my brain wants to handle this lol

#vent post #it’s almost 8am and I just can’t sleep Going to try though #Melli speaks

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francescacollie · 11 months ago

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( olivia cooke, cisfemale, she/her ) have you met francesca collie yet? you know, the 26 year old graduate student majoring in secondary education with a focus in drama. ring a bell yet? every time i walk past their dorm i hear heart it races by dr. dog blasting through the door. everyone who meets them say they’re admirable but can also be a little invasive. guess when you meet them you’ll figure that out yourself. — carita, 24, she/her, est, triggers: sexual harrassment/sexual assault

meet francesca ‘franny’ collie!

FULL NAME: Francesca (Franny to close friends) Joanne Collie

AGE: 26 years old

BIRTHDAY: December 24th

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cisfemale, she/her

SEXUALITY: Heterosexual

POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS: Witty, sweet, generous, intelligent, outgoing

WEAKNESSES: Nosy, stubborn, pessimistic, blunt

THE STORY SO FAR ...

(trigger warnings: terminal illness, hospitals, substance abuse)

Francesca is originally from a small town in suburban Massachusetts. She is the youngest in her family, having two older brothers and a twin brother born 5 minutes earlier than her.

She was born with a genetic disease called cystic fibrosis, and initially only expected to live to be about 5 years old, but through medical advancements and participating in sports as a child, she was actually fairly healthy throughout her childhood. Most of her friends at school didn’t even know she was sick.

She lived a very cushy, privileged life, in part due to her parents wanting to give her everything they could, as well as the fact that she grew up in a moderately wealthy household, so money was never much of a worry. Two of her older brothers were highly protective of her and would do anything for her, whereas her twin brother deeply resented her for constantly being the center of attention, and was quite cruel to her growing up.

Her brother’s cruelty came in part because he was deeply struggling with mental health issues and substance abuse issues. Because the focus was always on Franny, his parents did not realize the issues he was dealing with, and instead admonished him for his behavior.

Throughout high school, Franny excelled in almost every way. She truly had an almost perfect life. Smart and athletic, whatever she set her mind to, she believed she could accomplish. She did nearly every extracurricular you could think of, from soccer to running track, and her personal favorite, theatre.

In college, Franny decided to major in both theatre and drama. She wanted to pursue acting on Broadway, or potentially try to make it as an actress in LA, where she planned on going to after Radcliffe.

Her dreams were cut short when her health quickly deteriorated after being on her own for so long. Growing up in a small town with an overbearing family, she was used to having a lot of things done for her. Taking care of her health felt like a full time job, and it didn’t take long for her to suffer the consequences of neglecting her health. She eventually moved back home and was able to recover enough to graduate with her degree online, but with serious consequences, and was no longer fit enough to chase her dreams to New York or bring herself to come to a casting in LA.

After stabilizing a bit and getting her act together somewhat, she decided she did not want to stay back home living with her parents. So, instead, she decided to move back to Radcliffe and pursue higher education. A benefit of this was that her brother already was there, so she could feel more supported and not completely on her own. She is pursuing her degree in drama education now that she has essentially given up on her true dream of being an actress herself, while also trying to figure out how to thrive in the fast life as a disabled woman. She’s resentful of her past as well as her brother, who she continues to clash with at times, but also itching to figure out what she really wants at this time in her life, and take a break from always trying to be so damn perfect. after all, life is short, right?

ADDITIONAL INFO:

Francesca is generally an empathetic and generous person. Her heart is rarely in the wrong place. However, growing up privileged and in many ways, babied by her family sometimes results in her having a hard time connecting with and understanding people from a different walk of life. She is very sensitive and empathetic to certain experiences, but struggles to connect with others.

She likes to be the center of attention ... but not for the wrong reasons. She’d much rather show off the abilities she does have, rather than focus on what she lacks. Because of that, she can appear a bit pissy and even bitter at times, but she's never truly mean. When she finds herself in trouble, she will absolutely use her situation to her advantage when it benefits her. She might have struggles, but she's used to getting a lot handed to her throughout her life and needs to be humbled sometimes.

She’s lonely, but won’t admit it (most of the time). She craves affection from others in her life, be it a friend or a romantic partner, and really just wants to know the people she finds interesting better. Sometimes this results in her coming off as a little (okay, a lot) nosy.

She is a lover of all things nature. Loves plants and flowers. But she kills everything in her care. No green thumbs over here.

She is a massive foodie and really enjoys every type of cuisine, but definitely has a taste for fine dining.

Because she spent most of her life being somewhat self-absorbed into her appearance, she’s acquired quite the collection of clothes. Her style is very ecletic and feminine, think large colorful sweaters, tights, Mary Jane heels, and funky earrings. But she's terrible at makeup and usually just sticks to the basics.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

Her twin brother! I’ll submit this as an official WC, but the only real criteria that needs to be filled is that he’s older than her, grew up in MA, and has struggled with substance abuse in the past (currently is fine as well). It’s a relationship I’m hoping to develop more and figure out along the way. Also, if an older brother would be preferred, we could work that out as well.

People she has collaborated with before: this could be someone she was in a play with for undergraduate, a student, a fellow TA (she helps teach drama), anyone that she's done anything with for her degree(s).

An unlikely friend: this is one of my favorite plots! Someone that comes from a completely different walk of life, have different struggles they are facing, but somehow get along and have a genuine friendship with one another. Someone who is more closed off and brooding compared to her unassuming personality is what I think of.

An ex-boyfriend - someone she left behind when she first left Radcliffe in her undergrad to move back home when she was very sick. Most likely a mutual breakup.

A former or current roommate from college: this could really go anywhere, but an easy connection for them to know one another/be friends

Anything else you can think of!

Also - I haven't gotten the invite to the OOC blog yet but hi, I'm Carita! I am an oldie from the RP community (started around 2014 I think?) and haven't in yeeeears but I'm so excited to again! I am still getting acquainted with the newest Xkit and whatnot so I may ask someone for help if I run into issues if anyone is willing, hehe. But I love plots and am super open so feel free to message me anytime!

#radcliffeintro #intro #francesca

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flyingspicerack · 1 year ago

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YOUKAI AU LORE!!!!!

literally just copy pasted what i told ghost in dms no beta we die like men

ok so my youkai au... SO I started thinking about it first when I saw Evan post about theirs, and I saw they they said theirs was more of an isekai style? So like, kinda Inuyasha vibes?? Also mine isn't like... TOO tied into the real hesowar au, bc i dont really know all the canon information so its all just... headcanons and my own worldbuilding (which i love to do i love worldbuilding its what i did for my thesis in art school ANYWAYYYY)) So my thoughts are kinda that theres this youkai world and each of the boys are originally human brothers that were all possessed by the youkai like hundreds of years ago and are now all these 6 powerful youkai that rule over 6 different domains. I think that in each domain, or maybe where all 6 of them converge theres a portal to the human world that opens up? Maybe both.... 7 portals, the strongest one thats always open is in the middle of the domains, each has their own, and their own unique connection to the human realm. I think Ichi, because he's a 9 tailed kitsune, he's connected to like, a specific Inari shrine I think each of the boys excepts for one or two, have like... at least harems or a partner or something at this point? It's later in their lives, idk theyre still young looking WHATEVER IDK, but Ichimatsu hasn't really... expressed any interest in anyone in the realm, yet complains to like, jyushi specifically that he feels particularly lonely. Like none of the people who come to worship him in the realm do it for him, theyre boring, whatever, idk, no connections. And since he's a trickster, the brothers are like "ohhh youre kiniving and play pranks and tricks, why dont you just like, trick a human to to be your mate/bride/spouse, humans are so interesting and quirky" and at first hes like 'no thats fucked up i wouldnt do that' but the he thinks about it ...

SO MEANWHILE, in the human world, this version of Mao, i think, is just in some like... job to pass the time, but they're incredibly lonely, theyre bad at making connections at work, theyre a bit burnt out, just things arent going their way. So, one day on the way home they're just tired, and maybe the route they walk on to and from work is like closed so they take a different route and on their way home they come upon an entrance to a shrine, maybe its a little overgrown, but... somethng calls them in, and they walk up the little stairs and are kinda drawn up to the big donation box. And they kinda just throw a couple coins in and pray and think 'im really lonely, i want companionship but im not sure what to do anymore, maybe i should change careers or just ... change myself completeley ... i need guidance' And theres this voice in the back of their head thats just like 'what if that could come true' and 'give yourself to me' and 'make me more offerings and ill give you a deal you wont refuse' and mao thinks theyre hallucinating from stress but they just empty their coin purse bc theyre kinda compelled to And they realize when they blink a couple times, that THAT was all the money they had on them and still need to buy dinner, so they try to reach down into the donation box to maybe snag back a 500 yen coin but then they fall into the box, and the descent down is a LOT longer than they would have assumed it was, and they land down in there with a thud and look up and around them and now have to figure out how to climb out, and eventually, once they do, and climb up and out of the hole or whatever, they are NOT in that shrine anymore, but somehow in the middle of the forest

SO THEYRE LIKE 'uuhhhh ... what the fuck? Did i hit my head??' and are like 'haha probably hit my head and this is a dream or something' and they dust themself off and start making their way down a path in a random direction to maybe figure out what theyre dreaming about, and theyre walking walking, and SHWOOM, right in front of them flies an arrow and they like, jolt back cause it almost hit them, and theres like ... some kind of lower level like ... imps or goblins or like ... SOMETHING and start fucking chasing mao, because this is some like... you know... uhhh idk if it feudal era? i think thats the term. ANYWAY they have pink hair and are like 'woah this person must have insane magical powers we must kill them and take their magics' and so mao gets chased in the woods all the way to like, a cliffside, and are then cornered, and are like ??????? So since they think its a dream they think if they try hard enough maybe dream logic will work so they maybe jump? immediatley fall and stars screaming, but whats this, something catches them midair and they look up and see theyre in the arms of a man with big ears and pretty red makeup who then like, with the wave of a hand wipes out the imps and lands on the ground with mao in his arms and he finally looks down at them and they share like, locked eye contact for a few moments before hes like 'kind of dumb of you to jump off that cliff considering humans cant fly' AND I HAVE LIKE, some other story beats, but the like... summarized story is that ichi starts to feel guilty for kind of coercing mao to come here so they go on like, a journey together, him protecting them, but teaching them to fight and things, while they travel toward where the domains are converged to get mao into the portal back home, but along the way they both genuinely start to fall for one another and mao eventully gives themself to ichi as his devoted bride/partner/mate and gets like... some minor powers and stuff i thinks... and yeah... hehe..

... heheh yeah... i might wanna draw story beats... i have MORE ideas, like... beats and things that happen on the journey if people wanna hear about those too....

ALSO SOMETHING I NEED TO CLARIFY!! when i say the other boys have partners, its not like... its moreso meant to be like, OTHER PEOPLE who self ship with the other boys, have already claimed them, like... how do i make this make sense.... like ... timeline wise, if like

HYPOTHETICLLY, if you wanted to insert your s/i into MY version of this au specifically, your and the matsu's story would have happened BEFORE mao enters the picture if that makes sense... bc i like the idea of ichi being the last of the brothers to make a connection, only realizing once his brothers have found love, that he wants it too ... haha hehehehehehhehehehe the end

#spice.ososan #spice.txt #mao #maoichi #maybe i need an au tag #spice.au #yes thats what the image i drew last night was for #so makes sense i put it here actually #it was horrid trying to get a sscreenshot from aggie on the work computer tho...#bc oso in leather bunny was RIGTH there and i hope no one is looking at the fucking cameras #WHATVEERRRR anyway....#i hope u guys think this is fun and silly like i do ...#hehehehehheheheh

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newwwwusername · 2 years ago

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Heartbreak High (Netflix Reboot) - Ant/Spider - Mental Health Awareness Month Prompt 8 : Antisocial Personality Disorder

Prompt : Write a fic in which a character has Antisocial Personality Disorder (canon or not canon). THE CHARACTER CANNOT BE A SERIAL KILLER OR OTHER TYPE OF CRIMINAL! This is a negative connection with the disorder which is not what we're trying to do here. Headcanon : Spider has ASPD Author's note : The author does not have ASPD. I have very low empathy Autism so I understand the lack of empathy to an extent, but I know that doesn't equate to actually having the disorder. I hope this does not come across as insensitive or inaccurate- Please let me know if there is something off here because I always strive to educate myself. With that said, I hope this is passable <3

Spencer had been avoiding Anthony, and Anthony didn't know why. They'd been as close as ever just the previous week. What had happened?

It wasn't out of the ordinary for Spencer to do stuff like this, to be clear. He did this often with new people when he was still getting a read on them, manipulating the situation, testing them before he got close enough for them to realize what was so different about his brain. But Anthony wasn't a new person. They'd known each other for years... Why was this happening?

thebigant : spider pls stop ignoring me bro

There were about a million texts like that. It was a wall of blue message bubbles on Anthony's end and white on Spencer's. He knew that Spencer was ignoring him too, because all of the messages were marked as read.

Spencer stood a few feet from his bed, just staring blankly at his phone, which was open on his bed. He saw the typing bubble show up again and groaned in annoyance because this whole thing was so frustrating.

Anthony was always such a weird case for him because he didn't view him with the same apathy that he viewed everyone and everything else in the world. He actually cared about Anthony, to an extent, and recently that care had traveled to something a bit more serious and he didn't know how to deal with it because he never thought he'd have to.

He'd accepted long ago that he wasn't a people person. Why did Anthony make him feel this way?

A full week passed without them speaking when, eventually, Spencer figured he should break the silence.

whitespider : hi

thebigant : dude wtf y were u ignorng me for like a week hello??

thebigant : *ignoring

whitespider : idk

thebigant : i call bullshit

thebigant : is this like an aspd thing?

thebigant : u know its ok but u gotta like communicate bro i cant just be confused and wonderng y ur ignoring me for days on end

whitespider : right sorry whatever

thebigant : so y'd u vanish?

whitespider : ...

thebigant : SPIDER

whitespider : i think i like you

whitespider : like genuinely

whitespider : and not just in the friend way

...

thebigant : shit

Do not repost on other sites! If you want to participate in this month's challenge, there are 15 mental illness prompts that you can find here

#mental health awareness month #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #please read the author's note #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic challenge #heartbreak high #spider has aspd #spider x ant #texting fic

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 1 year ago

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Code Blue Ch. 25- Code Green

Summary: Long chapter. Josie and Orlando arrive at the hospital and the evening goes from bad to worse with all kinds of drama.

*Warnings* language, angst, mob mentions, trauma, mental illness, self-harm, domestic dispute, infertility, anxiety

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Orlando, David, Britt, Sami, Jimmy

Salem, Massachusetts

February 27, 2023

Salem General Hospital- 7pm

The ambulance arrived at the hospital and the EMT's took Orlando inside with you right on their tail. Lee had texted and said he was about 15 minutes away which made you feel better knowing you would soon be in his arms after the nightmare you had just endured.

The police were already there waiting to question Orlando again when he was more coherent. You held his hand and talked to him for a moment before they took him back to a room.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain?" you asked him with a shaky voice.

Orlando smiled at you and told you no, but you knew better. He saw your worried expression and wanted to be strong for you, so he slightly fibbed so you wouldn't be so scared. He knew that fib was nothing compared to what he had to soon lie about, all to keep you safe....and that meant Ethan would go free... and you still wouldn't be safe. Orlando knew Ethan had been into some bad dealings for quite some time and the threat he made against you would and could very well be carried out if he were to be charged and sent to prison so he figured if he kept his brother happy, Ethan would eventually calm down about everything. There was also the matter of his mother and how she would react if her son was sent away because of her other son who had already tore their family apart. It was truly a no win situation but he was going to do what he thought was best for you. He couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt because of him, or at all.

"I know you're lying. It's ok to admit if you're hurting Orlando."

He didn't even get to answer as a doctor came to assess him. After a brief update from the EMT's, the doctor then spoke to you.

'Are you his wife?"

'Oh...n..no. I..I'm his friend." you answered, shocked that he didn't even know who Orlando was. New doctor maybe?

"I'm sorry. You'll have to wait down here if you're not family."

"What? Wait, where are you taking him? I need to go with him, I told him I wouldn't leave him!"

He ignored you and told a nurse to take him up to ten and he would be in shortly, then walked off.

"Seriously???" you miffed. "I'll be right there Orlando." you assured him and reluctantly let go of his hand as they wheeled him off to the elevator.

Where the hell was Britt or Amy, you thought, then took out your phone and began texting both of them. Within a minute as you paced about, Amy responded that she wasn't working and then Britt finally replied and said she was up on ten with David, coincidentally where they were taking Orlando. God, you hadn't seen Dave in so long.

Without even thinking, you found yourself on the highly feared elevator, closing your eyes and holding your breath the entire time as you clutched the hand rail, picturing Lee beside you.

As the doors opened, you bolted out, releasing your breath and saw Dave headed in your direction, obviously looking for you.

"Dave! Oh my god!" you panted and threw your arms around him.

"Josie, sweetheart, you're shaking. What's going on??" he asked as he held you so tightly. "Britt told me you were on your way up here. Are you alright?"

"No..no I'm not. They brought Orlando up here and the doctor wouldn't let me go with him."

"Yeah, I just saw them taking him into a room. Josie what the hell happened?"

"His brother Ethan is what happened. Please tell me you're going to be taking care of him??? I don't like that other doctor. I think he's missing a heart"

"Hey, don't worry. He's in good hands and once then get him stable, they'll let you see him."

"Can't you go check on him? Tell him I'm right outside and that Lee is on his way? Just so he feels better?"

Dave's eyes became curious. "Yeah Josie, sure....I..I um... didn't realize you you and Dr. Bloom...or Dr. Pace were...that close. But ten again I haven't heard from you since Jason's funeral over a month ago. I take it you and I over?" he said with a grin.

Dave was always a pretty reserved guy, so his comment slightly threw you. You understood it though because you had made up that lie to Lee about you and Dave dating...and you had also neglected your friendship with him ever since then and you had never done that before.

"I know...I'm so sorry. It was so very stupid and insensitive of me to do that. SO much had and has been going on...I'm sorry, I'm just spewing out such lame excuses and..."

"Josie...it's alright. Life happens. I get it. So are you and Lee....a..thing now?"

"Jo!" Lee called to you as he got off the elevator.

The sound of his voice was pure music to your ears. As you whipped around, Lee was right there, desperately pulling you into his arms, cradling your head in his hand as he closed his eyes with an intense sigh of relief. He then leaned back and kissed your forehead and gently but vigorously rubbed each side of your face.

"Baby, are you alright? Tell me you weren't hurt."

"I'm ok, I swear. It's Orlando that's hurt pretty badly and they won't let me see him yet. Maybe they'll let you...since you're a doctor here?? Dave, can Lee go in??"

David stared at you for a moment, realizing from your loving meet and greet with Lee, that his question was confirmed.

"I'm sorry. I wish that he could, but with his suspension and all..."

"Hey, it's ok man. I called Orlando's sister. She and Jimmy are on their way."

"I'm going to go check on him like you asked." Dave said with a light smile and left.

"Lee, is that a good idea after what happened with Jimmy? Sam was really cruel to Orlando. I saw it."

"Despite their differences, Sami loves him. Can we...go talk for a moment? Somewhere not so crowded."

He led you around the corner into the hall and you could feel it. He was upset that you went over there and understandably had a lot of questions.

"Jo..." he simply said and stared down at the floor, then finally brought his eyes to you and spoke softly. "What were you thinking? Going there alone?"

"I...I tried to call you first, but you didn't answer and..I could feel something was wrong. Orlando had left me a voicemail earlier and he just didn't sound right. It was like he was desperately needing to talk to someone, but I could hear it in his tone. Lee, there was fear....and I called him back tonight and he tried to say he was fine, but then I heard Ethan shouting at him...and then he just hung up. I called again but he wouldn't answer and so I texted him. Shortly after, he texted back and that's when I could truly tell something was wrong, by what he said, but I now believe it wasn't even him because I called again and Ethan answered his phone. He tried to tell me Orlando was fine and up in a room with a girl and that he had saw your post, which I then looked and saw Orlando supposably gave it an angry reaction...but Lee, you and I both know he isn't that petty."

"Are you so sure about that? Look what he did with Megan."

'Yeah I know, but also look how incredibly sorry he was...I don't know Lee. But I'm telling you, Ethan did this. I mean, you even believe he tried to run us off the road. Like...I just feel Orlando was trying to warn me about something, but chickened out. You know Ethan better than anyone Lee. Is he capable of this?? Hurting his own brother like that?"

Lee stared off down the hall momentarily. "I've seen it before, his anger."

"At Orlando??"

"I have...and at me, but this? Stabbing him? Jo, did you see it happen?"

"Well...no but Lee...how else did it happen? Orlando was too out of it to say anything and Ethan had the audacity to say Orlando did this to himself. I'm sorry, but that's bullshit."

"I guess we wait to see what Orlando says. I wish he would have called me and not you. You should not have been anywhere around Ethan..."

"He didn't call you because he thinks you hate him... Lee, what are you not telling me. I can see it all over your face. You're worried about something. Talk to me...please. I'm not your enemy... Let me in...I love you."

Lee caved at your words and kissed your forehead again, the pulled you against him, wanting to tell you everything so badly.

"I love you so much Jo. What I am worried about is you...and Orlando. Of course I don't hate him."

"Then please tell him that. I really think he needs to hear it and know that you're in his corner. You...don't believe he hurt himself, do you?"

"I don't want to. I just know that he has had a lot of mental problems and I can't judge him or anyone. Look at the things I have done when I was not in my right mind."

"So...you think that it's possible?"

"I pray it's not true because this will really impact his life...his career even. I know how that goes first hand as you also know. Everything now depends on his statement. Come on, let's go see if there's any updates."

You obliged and went with him, knowing damn well Lee was holding back on something. Something that terrified him.

As you and Lee came around the corner, Sam and Jimmy were speaking with Britt, who's eyes fell in shame when she saw the two of you.

"Jimmy, hey man!" Lee enthusiastically said as they both shared a manly back patting hug. "Glad to finally see you. Hey Sam. You guys, this is Josie...my girlfriend." he then said with a cute smile at you and squeezed your hand. To hear him say it officially to someone else made the butterflies wake up.

"Hey." she softly said, looking very agitated. "Thanks for calling me Lee. Sorry we couldn't make it to the funeral. You can see why, all thanks to Orlando."

She glanced up at her husband's rainbow colored bruising that consumed one of his eyes.

"Nice to meet you Josie...Sam, come on. Give the kid a break. It was an accident." Jimmy said in defense of his brother in law.

"How many breaks do you think he should have Jim? And now Ethan is in jail because of him. I need some coffee while we wait." she snapped and walked off to the waiting room.

Something about Britt's reaction caught your immediate attention at the mention of Ethan's name.

'Any update on Orlando?" Lee asked her.

"Uhh...yes, he's....um, Dr. Conrad is with him currently down in radiology. That's all I can offer at this time."

"I better go sit with my wife. You guys want to come?" Jimmy asked.

"Britt...can I talk to you for a minute?" you asked as she hesitated making eye contact with you. "Lee, you go ahead. I'll be right there."

"Sure baby."

He kissed your forehead again and left with Jimmy. Britt then tried to escape.

"I really need to get back to my rounds Josie."

"Oh noooo you don't." you retorted and pulled her into the hall.

"Josie, seriously, if this is about the other night, how many more times can I apologize? I drank too much and said things i shouldn't have."

"Nope not about that. What do you about Ethan?"

"Who?"

"Oh cut the shit Britt. I saw your face. You know something, now spill it."

"I don't want involved in it Josie. I think it's now obvious that he's bad news."

"And you're going to tell me why that is? I'm not leaving until you do. I swear I will follow you around all night if I have to."

"Ok ok! God. I just...the other day, at the funeral...I..I knew he looked familiar but..I couldn't place him then. But when she just said his name..."

"Britt?? Tell me!"

"I've seen him with Jason before ok?? and...the Zacchara's."

You spaced out for a moment in disbelief, then your hand made it's way to cover your mouth as your eyes widened.

"Oh..my god....are...you sure???"

"Yes...I mean, he had shorter hair then, but I know it was him. It was on the Haunted Star and there was some gambling event going on. He was into it big time. A high roller."

"My father's boat...where the hell was I??"

"Off with Gerry somewhere as usual. I don't know."

"Josie...Lee was with him. So was that big mouth brother of his. Gavin?"

"Gordon..." you whispered in complete shock.

"Yeah, that's it. But that's all I know. I never had any reason back then to think anything of it....until now."

"Yeah except that Lee was there and the Zacchara's are one of the families....and not exactly friends with Jason and Sonny."

"Look, Jason's business was his business. I didn't question him because you know as well as I do that he would never tell us anything. Lee, I can assure you was not involved in any of that world. Just there having a good time. That's all I know Josie. I really have to go."

Britt left and you just stood there reeling over this new confusing information for a few minutes, then went to find Lee to hopefully get more clarity on this from him. You knew Lee didn't know Jason but that didn't mean he didn't know what Ethan was involved in....and judging by Lee's behavior earlier, you suspected he did know....and that there was more to his and Ethan's relationship than what was revealed.

You joined Lee, Sam and Jimmy in the waiting room as they were all talking. Lee noticed your sullen face and he took your hand as you sat down beside him.

"Jo? Everything alright?"

"Yeah..we can talk later."

He half smiled, sensing that it wasn't going to be a pleasant talk.

"I really should go and see Ethan so I can hear his side of things." Sam randomly said.

"Come on Sam." Jimmy said. "Ethan's a big boy and he made his bed. Orlando is hurt and lying in a hospital bed."

She didn't like that response at all and became visibly upset.

"Yeah, just like he hurt you and put you in a hospital bed. Ethan wouldn't do this Jim. Orlando has serious problems and people get hurt because of him, including himself....and Mum, fuck...how do I tell her any of this?"

"Look, I know Orlando has problems but that night...he didn't know it was me. It was just...blind rage. It could have been anyone."

'Well...I'm beginning to see where half of Orlando's problems stem from. Thank you Jimmy, for defending him. At least someone sees the truth." you bluntly said and stormed out.

Lee's eyes grew in shock as he sucked in a heavy breath and exhaled, then he abruptly stood up. "I'm uh...going to go check on her and Orlando too."

You wandered into a small empty waiting room down the hall, sat down with your head in your hands and internally screamed. Sure, you didn't know everything about Orlando, but this, you just knew.

"Hey."

You popped your head up to see Dave leaning on the doorway, looking at you with his benevolent blues.

"Dave...how did..."

"I could hear you screaming internally from down the hall......annnd, I...saw you come in here." he said with a soft smile. "You ok?"

"I'll be fine. Did you get to speak to Orlando??"

"They gave him a sedative for the pain and to calm him, but he's fighting it. He's pretty worried about something."

"I'm pretty sure I know what that is. What about his injuries?"

"I can't discuss that with you, you know that."

"Ok, then get me and Lee in to see him. Please. He'll calm down if he has someone there he trusts and is on his side."

"I would, but the police are waiting too."

"Well, you said he's sedated right? So, he's still not in any shape to speak with them. Please, David. Don't let them see him. Get us in there first. I'm worried he'll tell them something he will regret."

"I'll see what I can do."

Dave left, almost running into Lee as he did so.

"Jo."

You got right up and went to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Lee. You must be so embarrassed by my little tantrum back there. Sam just makes me so mad! She cares more about Ethan sitting in jail than she does about Orlando lying in a hospital bed, bloodied and beaten."

Lee held you tight and slightly rocked you. "I know. It's just how Sami is. Don't be sorry. Your passion is one of the many things I love about you Jo."

You tilted your head back and stared up at him with sad eyes. "I also feel a little guilty too. I mean...her husband was badly hurt...and...if that were you...I know I'd be the same way. If someone ever hurt you Lee, I'd..."

Your words were ceased by a soft full kiss, sending your wide awake butterflies fluttering up into your chest.

"God I've wanted to do that from the moment I got here tonight." Lee whispered against your lips. A tiny whimper snuck out of your mouth as you pulled his lips back to yours and for a few moments, you both forgot where you were as Lee backed you up against the wall.

You could feel someone was there, in which you opened your eyes and could just see over Lee's shoulder. Dave had come back.

"Sorry. I...I didn't want to..interrupt." he said, noticeably discomfited by what he saw.

"Dave...I...ummm...did you...see Orlando?"

"Yeah, he's uh...he's asking for you....the police will be held off until tomorrow. I can't go into detail. Orlando can fill you in. I uh...gotta run. See ya...later."

"Dave wait...."

You ran up to the doorway but the heartbroken doctor kept going.

"Damn it." you sadly huffed.

"I'm sorry Jo...I shouldn't have went so crazy with the PDA.."

"No, god no Lee. It's not your fault. Please go crazy with it." you giggled and kissed him again. "I...I just wanted to tell him myself. Oh well. I can't do anything about it now. I'll talk to Dave later. Let's go see Orlando."

As you and Lee came up to his cubicle, you could hear the conversation between him and a nurse.

"Dr. Bloom. I have your admittance and consent for surgery papers right here for you to sign."

"And how shall you say I do that when I'm right handed and my right hand is shit?"

"Your left hand will do just fine. I am a witness."

""I don't need surgery. Just stitch it."

"Dr. Bloom. Respectfully, you're a doctor. Surely you're aware that this type of would cannot be stitched. I cannot force you to have surgery, but if you do not, you will lose full use of your hand."

Reluctantly, Orlando signed it in big capital letters. "Tell Nurse Teresa if she can't read that, she needs fucking glasses. The kind that make your eyes bug out of your head."

You and Lee looked at each other and silently laughed.

"Annnnd he's back..." Lee chuckled as you both went inside the curtain.

Orlando's eyes fattened at the sight of Lee.

"Your gown is there in that closet. I'll leave you to your company and they'll be back to prep you in about an hour." the Nurse explained to Orlando.

"I know that...I work here remember?"

The Nurse rolled her eyes and left, making Lee chuckle some more.

"Hey banando, come here man. That's if you're not too stoned to stand up."

Watching Lee embrace his best friend had your eyes stinging with tears. No matter their spats, they would always care for each other and that was just so beautiful to you.

"Soooo, this is how I am forgiven? By ending up in the hospital.." Orlando grinned.

"Who said I forgive you?" Lee smirked. "Just fucking with you man. Of course I forgive you. You can thank Jo here for that."

Orlando looked at you with sullen eyes and came over to you.

"I'm so sorry for all of this and I do not even have words for what you did for me."

"You're ok. Well, mostly....That's all that matters. Just give me a hug and I'll be happy." you replied as your tears finally fell.

Orlando softly smiled and pulled you to him with his good hand.

"Thank you." he whispered into your ear.

Sam and Jimmy then walked in and Orlando's somewhat happy face fell flat at the sight of his sister's angry face and his brother in law's bruised one.

"Jimmy man...I am so damn sorry..."

"It was an accident man. How many times do I gotta say it? We're good ok? Now I just want you to be good."

"So, are you going to say Ethan did this and send him to prison? You got Mum all worried again." is all Sami could manage to say.

"What the hell did you tell her?"

"Oh you mean how you and you're....whatever she is put Ethan in jail?"

Your mouth dropped open at this bitch's nerve and Lee jumped right on it.

"Hey, Sam...don't do that. Jo saw Orlando was hurt and she did the right thing. At some point in your life, you're going to have to see the truth on things, so don't go blaming my girlfriend or my best friend for Ethan's fuck ups."

"Lee, thanks man but don't bother. I'm going to go call Mum so I don't have to stand here and listen to my own sister berate me today. Feel free to leave Sam. I have everyone I need here." Orlando snapped and walked out to the payphone.

She and Jimmy then began arguing with Lee trying to calm them, so you crept over to the doorway to watch Orlando in case he needed help, but you stayed back far enough to give him privacy....although you could still hear him and he didn't know it.

"Hey Mum. I'm alright, don't worry. A little surgery and I'll be good as new. No Mum..it will be fine. It was all just a big misunderstanding. An accident. Ethan will be free soon enough once I get to speak to the police. Yes, tomorrow I think. It will all be alright. Try not to worry anymore ok? I'll call you later when I can. I love you too Mum. bye."

Orlando hung up and lightly jumped when he saw you.

"Did I just hear you tell your Mother that it was an accident and that Ethan would soon be free?"

"What??" Lee said as he had just came out to find you.

"Look, I don't want to get into this right now with either of you. I am fine now. I thank you both so much for coming, but you can go now."

"Like hell." Lee snapped.

"Lee man, this is my business. Let me handle it."

"You look me in the eyes right now and tell me Ethan did not do this to you, because it is no accident when someone stabs someone."

"I never said anyone stabbed me. Look, I was drinking and fucking around with his knife, you know, the finger game. I missed."

"You mean to tell us that you were playing five finger fillet. I saw the wound Orlando. There were three punctures and last time I checked, you are right handed, which is the hand that is injured. So you accidentally stabbed yourself THREE times with your LEFT hand." you asked in extreme disbelief.

"Ok Josie...you got me. You heard Ethan. I did it to myself. I'm off my fucking meds and I hurt myself. I do it a lot. Is that better?"

"Lando man. Don't do this. Don't throw your career away for Ethan, because you know that's what will happen if you tell them you intentionally hurt yourself. He ain't worth this man! Look at the mess I'm in over my poor choices."

"That ain't the same and you know it Lee. You're being investigated for medical negligence."

"The hell it isn't. Some of my poor choices involved Ethan just as your poor choices do because you're protecting him for some unknown fucking reason."

"I'm not protecting him, I'm...you know what. I'm done here. I need to go change."

"You see?? I knew this was your fault!" Sam said as he followed him back into his room, in which Orlando went in the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"Leave him the fuck alone already! I do believe he told you to leave." you shouted at her.

"I'm sorry, just who the hell do you think you are??"

"I'm someone, unlike you, that actually cares about him. Jesus, no fucking wonder his mind is a god damn mess. You and Ethan are toxic!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you fucking Lee and not Orlando...or ARE you?"

That did it. You lunged at her but were swept right off your feet by Lee's arms around your waist while Jimmy held Sam back.

"Oh looks like I hit a nerve!" She shouted.

"Yeah, the I'm gonna kick your ass nerve!" you shouted back, struggling to free yourself from Lee's unbreakable grip.

'Enough!!" Orlando barked as he came out of the bathroom with another door slam. "Jimmy, man, get her out of here and don't bring her back."

"Sam! Let's go. Now!" Jimmy snapped as he stood in front of her.

She scowled at him and stormed out in tears. You jerked your arm free as Lee finally let you go.

"Why the hell did you stop me!?"

"Oh I don't know Jo, maybe so you didn't end up in a cell beside Ethan!"

"Ok, well I've had enough of this night. You can both go. I'll be fine. I'm going to the chapel for a bit to clear my fucking head before it explodes." Orlando vexed and left.

"Hey, I'm coming with you man." Lee called out. "Jo...I need you to go home."

"What??? I'm not leaving? He's going to have surgery soon and I'm not leaving you. Lee, I'm sorry I got all bent out of shape but she had it coming."

"Hey, look at me baby." he softly said and took your face in his hands. "I'm not mad. You're right, She did deserve it. Just let me stay here with him and try to talk some damn sense into him. I'll stay here through his surgery and after so he's not alone. I swear to you I will call you if anything is wrong. Just let me spend a little time with him by myself. I know him better than anyone and I'm going to do my best to try and get through to him about Ethan."

"I understand that. I..I just don't want to leave you. I can let you go be with him. I'll stay in the waiting room. I rode a fucking elevator to get up here tonight, I'll have you know."

"Jo, no. Please baby. Go home and get some rest. It's late and you have moving to do in the morning remember? I will still meet with you for lunch if all goes well here and you can come see him, and we can then go to the farm like we planned. Jo...please. For me. You've been through enough tonight. I will feel so much better knowing you're at home. Ethan's in jail so you'll be safe. I've got until tomorrow to get the truth out of Orlando, so just let me try."

"Is...there a reason I wouldn't be if he were out??"

Lee knew he shouldn't have said that part. "I just meant that, I don't know what Ethan is thinking right now."

"You mean that you are worried that he blames me for this."

"Jo...I'll call you when he's out of surgery."

"Deflecting. Typical. You know...I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you give me credit for and I know you're keeping something from me. That's what I wanted to talk to you about because I though we agreed about no more secrets...but...I guess it will have to wait."

You picked up your purse and marched out.

"Jo, babe!" Lee called after you but you ignored him and kept going, in tears.

"Fuck!" he shouted and then took off after Orlando.

"Josie!" Dave shouted as he saw you about to leave and came trotting up behind you.

You quickly tried to wipe your tears but he saw you.

"Heyy, why are you crying?? and...leaving?"

"Dave, I'm fine."

"No you're not. Sit down...please." he asked and placed his hand on your arm to guide you to the couch in the lobby.

You reluctantly sat down and he sat across form you.

"What happened? Talk to me. You know, we always used to talk...about everything. I miss that josie. I miss you." he said and leaned down to take your hands into his.

"I know. I miss you too, but..."

"But what?"

"There's just so much going on and I just want to go home. That's all."

"Like...with Lee? You two...are together now huh?"

"Dave, I reeeeally don't want to talk to you about Lee."

"I thought, besides my sister, that I was your best friend. I suppose...he is now?"

"David...don't do this. Not now."

"I just asked a simple question Josie. What's so hard about that? To tell me about your life?"

"Because I'm in love with him..." you blurted out in frustration.

Dave released your hands and sat back up with a look of shock and disbelief.

"I...see..."

"Dave, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just spit it out like that."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You can't help who you love. I should know."

His beeper went off and he checked it. "I need to go. I hope you will be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you. Bye Josie."

Dave got up and left with pure anguish in his eyes, leaving you feeling like total shit and worried you may now lose him, for he pretty much just admitted how he felt about you, which you've always suspected. You adored him but you just didn't have those kinds of feelings for him. It was all Lee. It had always been Lee even before you knew him.

Lee entered the empty chapel and sat down beside Orlando and then just told him his own truth about Ethan's voicemails and what happened at the funeral reception.

"Now do you understand man. You can't let Ethan get away with this. He's dangerous. I just never realized how much until now."

"No, you don't understand Lee. I've made up my mind and what you just told me made it a hell of a lot easier and showed me I'm doing the right thing."

"The right thing? And what is that? Lando man, come on. I'm your best friend. Tell me what's going on."

"And I'm your best friend. You've been through enough shit too ya know. You and Josie both. If I don't....man things will just get worse, so just leave this alone."

"I think you know that's not even an option. You're going to throw away everything you've worked so hard for and for what? Ethan?? I know damn...oh... I mean darn...sorry up there." Lee said in panic as he glanced up at the cross. "I know you didn't do this to yourself and you'll never convince me otherwise, or anyone else for that matter. If you're this determined to go through with it, then at least go with your first lie, that you accidentally did it. God, I cannot believe I'm sitting here in a church, conspiring with you."

"Then don't. I don't want you or Josie involved in my messes."

"I think it's a little too late for that don't you? I mean, did you not just hear what I told you about his messages? and what he told Josie at the reception?"

"Look, I don't need you here. Just go back to Josie and live happily ever after ok?"

"Man, don't do that. You knew, you've known for how long how I feel about her."

"And?? What's your point Lee?"

Lee sighed and closed his eyes. "I...I'm in love with her...and she's in love with me."

"So I've seen."

"I know you didn't make that reaction on my post either. Ethan had this all worked out to his advantage so he could blame you for his jealousy."

"I came here to be alone...but since I can't, I'll just go back to my room. I'm not changing my mind. You're wasting your time. Go home Lee."

Orlando got up and walked out, but Lee followed him.

"I know why you're doing this! You're not protecting him, you're protecting her. He threatened her didn't he? If you put him in prison. I'm right aren't I? and you're also doing this because....you're in love with her."

Orlando froze as he listened to Lee spell out the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God, and then, he just kept walking.

You got home to a dark house. "Mom??" you called out as you turned on all the lights, for you hated the dark. There was no answer. "Meggggan??" you then called out as your rolled your eyes. No answer to that either.

You then found a note on the kitchen table form your mom that said she was out and would be back soon.

"Where the hell would she go at this time of night?" you muttered to yourself as you read it.

You then went up to your room and poured another glass of the wine you were drinking during your bath and downed it and then got undressed, putting on a robe.

You were way too wound up to even attempt to sleep, so you put on some music and sat on the bed with your laptop while you drank some more wine.

Immediately, you found Ethan's page through Orlando's, but of course it was all private. You blocked him and set yours to private as well so he couldn't stalk you from someone else's account like he did tonight. Before you did that, you noticed Lee hadn't done the same, which you guessed he didn't do it because Ethan would just cause more trouble over it.

Now that you took care of that, you began typing.

"I liked you before I even had a chance to brush my hand against yours that day in the hospital. I was attracted to your soul before I had a chance to kiss your lips that night in your car. I fell for your mind before I knew your body that night at the lake house. I loved you in such a short time because I waited a lifetime for you.....Forever I will love you now."

Lee sat in the waiting room while they prepped Orlando. He wasn't going to leave even if Orlando didn't want him there. In his boredom, he got online. What he really wanted to do was call you so he could hear your voice and tell you how sorry he was, for he just couldn't take knowing you were upset with him. But he decided to let you cool off and he didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping.

Lee then saw your post and he instantly teared up.

"Right back at ya baby girl." he commented and then posted a song on your page.

"Forever my Jo."

youtube

When you saw his reply and the song, you smiled so big and gave it a heart reaction, then hit play and finished off your wine. After it was over, you went to brush your teeth and try to go to bed. As you placed the toothpaste on the brush, your heart skipped a beat when you saw your birth control pills laying there...that you forgot to take for almost 5 days. With everything going on, you literally had forgotten. You weren't sure why you became worried because the only reason you even took them was solely for lighter periods and cramping. You weren't sexually active before Lee and it wouldn't have mattered if you were because after an accident you had when you were with Gerry, you were told you couldn't have children. A single gunshot took that away from you. One of the cons of having a cop for a boyfriend and a mob related brother.

Now you realized why you slightly freaked out. Being with Lee and being so happy, you had also forgotten of your inability to conceive...but Lee didn't know. What would he think? How would he feel? Surely he would want kids again someday, for you saw how he was with them and how much he loved Jacob. That night at his other house with Dash. Watching them together, Lee was so good with him and you remembered how it triggered you.

So many thoughts swirled through your mind now. Would Lee even want another child after Jacob? That was the main thought. Could or would he ever be able to love another child in that way? How could you ever even tell him about this? Would he still want you if he did want more kids and knew you couldn't give them to him?

There went your anxiety and you began to cry. You told yourself over and over that Lee loved you and it wouldn't matter, but how could you really know? It's not like that had never been a deal breaker for anyone before. But Lee, he was different wasn't he? He loved you more didn't he? All of his beautiful words and actions, they had to mean that he did, didn't it?

You couldn't take it anymore and climbed into bed, eventually crying yourself to sleep, for you also had a secret.

@redeemer46

#lee pace #leeepfrog #code blue #doctors #hospitals #love stories #dark stories #orlando bloom #david conrad #britt westbourne #lee pace fanfiction #orlando bloom fanfiction

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