#ill elaborate tonight lol

[kindred-spirit-93]

i had a revelation in anatomy class today

for the celestial twins apollo and artemis :D

[todayisafridaynight]

time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist

[supernovafics]

𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄

"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist

pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k words

warnings: explicit language, some mentions of alcohol, parent drama (both reader’s and steve’s parents suck)

summary: in which your parents and steve’s come over for dinner 

author's note: this has absolutely nothing to do with the harry styles song but the title of it is just very fitting so yeah<33 i’ve been rewatching a lot of gilmore girls this fall season so i feel like that's helped me get the hang of writing awkward/tense dinners with family lol so this needed to be done

general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fall 1985

When your and Steve’s parents first suggested this “early Thanksgiving dinner,” you thought that it wouldn’t actually happen. 

The initial idea sounded pretty funny to you— your parents and Steve’s parents would have a full on dinner at your apartment a week before the actual holiday. Yeah, right.

It sounded like the kind of idea that parents that really cared about spending time with their children would have, and that wasn’t how you’d necessarily describe yours or Steve’s. 

A month ago, when they told you about the ski trip the four of them were going on during the entire week of Thanksgiving, you expected to just not see them probably until Christmas— and that felt like a bit of relief to you because spending time with your parents wasn’t your favorite hobby.  

But then you remembered how, only during the holidays, your parents always had a need to show, or maybe more so “prove” to themselves, that they actually cared about you. So, of course, they wouldn’t let this stupid holiday go, and instead they thought that it would be best if you all did something early and together. 

And sadly, none of the immediate excuses that you and Steve came up with worked because your moms had solutions for everything.

When you told yours that the kitchen in the apartment was too small to cook for this kind of elaborate dinner, she simply told you that they’d buy and bring all of the food and you and Steve wouldn’t have to cook at all. She also not-so-jokingly mentioned that she would’ve never trusted either of you two cooking anyway.

And when Steve told his mom that the current dining table you two had was way too small to fit all six of you, she promptly had one ordered and delivered to your door in just a week. It was an expensive dark wood set that could comfortably fit six people, and you and Steve spent hours struggling to build it the day it showed up at your front door. It took up an obscene amount of space, but it did actually look kind of nice.

Now it was weeks later and the dreaded night was finally here, but you still tried to come up with any way to avoid it from happening. 

“And we’re sure that we really can’t get out of doing this tonight?” You asked Steve as you folded the blanket that was lying half-hazardly on the couch. “I could call my mom and say that we’ve somehow fallen tragically ill in the last hour?”

“I’m ninety-five percent sure that they’re all already on their way.”

“Shit.”

“It’ll be fine,” Steve said, and then he considered his words. “Actually, it will probably suck, but overall, we will be fine.” 

You let out a sigh and placed the now folded blanket back on the couch and then started cleaning off the coffee table, stacking the random magazines in a neat pile and then adjusting Harold’s cage so that it was nicely in the center. Your and Steve’s shared pet hamster was currently nibbling on the food that you had put in his bowl only moments ago. 

An abrupt feeling of worry shot through you as you looked around the apartment. The place was clean— probably the cleanest it had ever been— since you and Steve had spent the day doing everything to avoid either of your parents saying anything bad about the place. However, in the grand scheme of things, you knew that it didn’t matter because they’d still hate the apartment. They would hate how you two decided to furnish and decorate it, and they would passive aggressively make fun of the place for however long this dinner would have to be.

“Let’s try not to think about how bad this night is gonna be and just be glad that we’re not gonna have to suffer alone, like usual,” Steve said, practically reading your mind and the look on your face, as he started setting plates out on the new table. 

He was completely right. This was the first time that a collective Thanksgiving was happening among all of you. Usually, it was just you alone with your parents in Chicago visiting family members that you never talked to, and Steve was doing the same exact thing except he was in Indianapolis. You’d always end up calling each other at the end of the night from the hotel or family house you were staying at, and you’d tell each other stories about whatever weird family members you encountered or how boring it all was. 

It did make things feel a bit better that, for once, you didn’t have to go through this alone and neither did Steve.

“You’re right,” You said with a nod and then smiled. “We’ll be going through this shitshow together.”

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door and since Steve was closer he went to answer it. You took one brief and final look around the apartment before heading toward the door too, so Steve didn’t have to be by himself in this greeting.

“Hi,” He said when he opened the door and saw all of your parents standing there. There was a bright smile on his face and he effortlessly turned on that “Steve Harrington charm” that people had adored in high school— you hadn’t even gone to the same high school as him, but you still heard so many of the stories.

A chorus of Hi’s and Hello’s were heard as your moms entered the apartment first since they were carrying all of the food and your dads followed in right behind them.

“I still hate that you moved into a place that doesn’t have a front doorman, or, at least, a buzzer system,” Were your dad’s first words to you; deciding against saying the simple “How are you?” that you had expected. “You two should get a better lock on your door.”

You laughed a bit. “We live in Hawkins, not New York, Dad. I don’t think anyone is really itching to rob us anytime soon.” 

“Anything can happen,” He responded, looking at you seriously. “I’ll bring you a new one when we get back from Colorado.”

You only nodded at his words instead of saying anything to rebut them; you knew that he overall meant well. “Okay.”

Your attention turned to your mom and she pulled you into a hug that felt way too forced before pulling away and giving you a quick onceover. “Oh… Is that what you’re wearing?”

You thought that your outfit was fine; a V-neck navy blue knit sweater that was a bit cropped and a simple pair of black jeans. But, your mom always managed to find something wrong with everything, so this reaction to your current outfit didn’t necessarily surprise you; it did still annoy you all the same, though.

“Oh, um, no I was just about to change,” You told her and forced a small smile.

She nodded at that. “Okay, that’s good, that’s good. You go change while Christine and I get the table set up.”

You started heading toward your room but looked back at Steve first. He was in a conversation with his parents that looked like they were doing much more of the talking than him. As if sensing your gaze on him, his eyes met yours and he gave you a hopeful look and that was enough to make you feel a little better.

It didn’t take long for you to change. You kept your sweater on but traded your jeans for the long black silk skirt that your mom had always liked on you. You hoped this slightly different outfit would be enough to satisfy her, and if not, you were willing to suffer through her inevitable look of disappointment. 

You lingered in your room, tidying up your desk for no particular reason and then deciding to remake your bed. It was clear that you were stalling, avoiding having to face your parents again, and as much as you wanted to continue doing that, you also didn’t want to leave Steve to fend for himself. You were supposed to be suffering together, after all. 

You immediately noticed the dining table when you walked out of your bedroom. The food was now nicely set out and there were even brown placemats sitting underneath the plates that Steve had already set out. It was all set up in a way that would’ve felt nice and wholesome if either of your families had ever remotely felt like the ones portrayed in most TV shows or movies. But, they weren’t anywhere close to being like that, so this all just felt weirdly forced.

Of course, you didn’t say that, though.

Instead, you sat down with everyone at the table and desperately hoped that the next few hours of your life would breeze by. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“From the brochure, the pictures of the cabin look really great. We hope it actually looks that way in person,” Steve’s mom, Christine, said. 

You took another bite of the mac and cheese on your plate as you continued to listen to your parents talk about their ski trip that was happening next week, which they had been doing for the last twenty minutes and you fully didn’t mind it. Since the conversation wasn’t centered on either you or Steve, things actually didn’t feel tense or nervewracking. If you could just make your parents talk about themselves during the entire dinner, you would probably end the night with a smile on your face. 

“Oh, and there are a lot of bedrooms too,” Your mom chimed in before taking another sip from the wine glass in her hand. “Maybe you two could take a trip up there soon and invite your friends to go too.” 

“Yeah, that would be nice,” You said with a small nod.

“Enough talking about the trip, though, that’s probably so boring for your kids to hear about,” Your dad said, and you internally sighed because you knew the exact direction the conversation was about to go in. You felt him look at you. “How’s school been going? The semester is almost over.”

“It’s been good,” You answered, keeping your response short and sweet. You decided not to mention that you really couldn’t care less about the majority of your classes because none of what you were doing in any of them felt like it really mattered. 

“Okay, and your grades and everything are fine, right?”

You only nodded in response to his question, hoping that your lack of actual words would signal to him that you wanted to bring an end to this topic of conversation. Of course, that was only wishful thinking.

“That’s good,” Your mom said. “You have to make sure your grades stay like how they were in high school, or even better, for when you transfer to the University of Chicago. We don’t want to have any reason for them not to accept you again.” 

You suddenly felt like you were right back in middle school and high school, where your conversations with your parents solely revolved around school; what your grades were, if you were doing your homework and completing assignments on time, and studying for tests. It always annoyed you that the only times they would bother to pay attention to you was when it came to that stuff. Other than that, you were always seemingly an afterthought, never a bigger priority than their jobs. 

In a way, this entire conversation should’ve been expected; it was always inevitable. Pretty much anytime you talked to your parents in recent months, the discussion always seemed to circle its way back to that school and you going there in two years instead of right now, like they had wanted you to.

“I’m still so surprised that you decided to not go to the University of Chicago now,” Christine said and you turned your attention to her. It was starting to feel a bit painful to you that the subject still hadn’t changed yet. “When Steve told me that you were going to go to the community college close by, I couldn’t believe it, honestly.”

You noticed your parents share a look upon hearing her words. The mix of disappointment and annoyance toward you that was shared between them in that moment felt palpable. 

“I didn’t think it was time to leave Indiana just yet. I’ll be going soon, though,” You said, keeping your voice light and plastering on a fake smile, even though all you wanted to do in that moment was leave the table and hideout in your bathroom for the rest of the night. 

You saw your dad smile a little and then you also noticed the look of relief wash over your mom’s face. For some stupid reason, you still felt the need to make them feel pleased with you. And somehow that made you feel even more upset with yourself than anything they had said to you so far tonight. 

The only thing that managed to make things feel remotely tolerable right then was Steve sitting across from you, giving you a look that said, “Everything will be okay.” For the time being, you chose to believe him and you simply took another bite of your food. 

You were about to say something about how good the turkey was so your moms would start talking about the restaurant they got all of the food from and why they chose it— you were sure that there was some story behind it all— and that would finally bring an end to the college conversation. But, before a word could leave your mouth, Steve’s dad began speaking. 

“Well, at least, you’re in college. We can’t say the same for Steve here.” He then looked at his son. “Do you really want to work at a video store for the rest of your life?”

 Christine let out a sigh. “Jeff.”

“What?” He shrugged as if his previous question wasn’t completely condescending. “I’m just asking a question.”

“I’m actually starting at the community college next semester,” Steve told his parents and you tried to hide your immediate confusion. “I found out I got in a few days ago.”

“Well, that’s great,” Christine said happily, and Jeff smiled approvingly as well. 

You had no idea Steve had gotten in or even applied, and you wondered if he was lying right then to just get his parents off his back, but you couldn’t tell. Something about the way he said it honestly felt pretty real. The only part that didn’t feel real was that you were finding out during this dumb dinner instead of at any other time. 

“So, I was wondering,” Your mom began and you braced yourself for the impact of whatever she was going to say. “Why did you two decide to get a hamster? I feel like it makes things smell a bit funny in here…”

A part of you was glad that the conversation finally shifted away from college. But you didn’t think that the passive aggressive comments toward the apartment would begin with Harold. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Well, this night was fucking brutal.”

You let out a sigh. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”

Steve was doing the dishes as you put what was left of the food into tupperwares and then put them in the fridge. Surprisingly, it was a lot of stuff leftover; your moms definitely went overboard with the amount they had ordered. You and Steve already made plans to invite Robin and Eddie over tomorrow to have some of these leftovers.

“I’m actually glad that the dessert tasted bad since it made them want to leave early.”

“It was honestly a bit bittersweet because I was kind of excited for that pie,” You said as you placed the final tupperware of food into the fridge and then went over to Steve. “Oh, and also,” You punched his arm and ignored his immediate “ouch.” “Why the hell didn’t you tell me that the stars have finally managed to align and we’ll finally be going to the same school for the first time ever?”

He smiled a little at your dramatics. “I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it just in case I somehow didn’t end up getting in. I swear I was gonna tell you tomorrow.”

“So, you did all of that annoying application stuff by yourself?”

“Robin helped me with it.”

“I would’ve been happy to help you,” You told him, and maybe you were being a bit overdramatic, but you actually felt slightly offended that he hadn’t wanted to come to you about this. 

The possibility of you two going to the same middle or high school was a far out idea that never happened because you lived in different towns. But, it was still something that was adamantly and wistfully talked about by you and him; how much more fun both of your school lives could be if they intersected in that way like the other parts of your lives did. 

Of course, going to the same college would’ve been the most obvious way for it to finally happen, but Steve never seemed that interested in going to college, and up until the last possible second you were being pushed toward Chicago by your parents. 

But now things were finally different.

“I know that you would’ve, but I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone, honestly. Robin saw me working on the application one day and decided to help,” He explained and you only gave him a small nod in response. “I didn’t even think I’d tell my parents about it, but when I heard my dad’s dumb comment about Family Video I felt like I had to say it so he wouldn’t keep looking at me like a disappointment.” He sighed. “And it’s kinda fucked up… I really don’t wanna care what my parents think about me and what I’m doing with my life, but I think there will always be a part of me that does.”

You thought back to your dad’s approving smile and your mom’s relieved look when you reassured them that you still planned to go to the University of Chicago; how much you still wanted to make them feel at least a little proud of you even though you knew you shouldn’t.

“Me too,” You said softly. 

“I’m glad we probably won’t have to see them again until Christmas.”

You sighed. “Apparently, my dad is gonna bring us a new lock for the door when they get back from their trip.”

“Oh,” Steve said and then smiled at you when it looked like he thought of something. “Okay, what are the odds that he’ll just send someone to put the new lock on the door instead of coming himself?”

You thought about it for a second. “Honestly, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance that would happen. He’ll probably be too busy with work after the trip to actually come and do it himself.”

“Okay, let’s hope for that,” He said as he finished washing the last plate and placed it on the drying rack. “So, since the dessert was a bust tonight, do you wanna go to the diner? I’m sure Mary would never fuck up her apple pie. And then when we get back, we can finish that bottle of wine that our moms left.”

You smiled at his suggestion. “You have a brilliant mind, Harrington.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<333

(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)

[gummygoatgalaxy]

Doing bad emotionally tonight oof

So i figured i'd ask yall to send me art requests of Dreamworks Trolls!!

Rules are:

OCs, AUs and Ships are allowed!!

No elaborate drawings, just flat colored and no backgrounds

I can refuse any requests

Send me the requests in the asks

This is free and lasts till i say im done lol

Heres my oc Pippy for a ref of my art

seriously, ask for art of my oc Pippy and ill be so happy

[canmom]

Animation Night 150: INU-OH

Hello everyone! Tonight we celebrate ✨Animation Night 150✨. I never imagined I would still be running without pause for that long. In a few weeks it will be our third anniversary. They still haven’t banned me!

Tonight our subject will be Masaaki Yuasa, one of the most brilliantly inventive directors in the whole medium. Yuasa was the very first director I wrote about on here on Animation Night 12, and once again on Animation Night 28, which between them gave a pretty good survey of his works - works such as Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, Devilman Crybaby, Kaiba, and Night Is Short Walk On Girl to name a few favourites. However, since then he’s gone and released another movie! Inu-Oh spent a long time touring the festivals, and then a while longer going around cinemas. I wrote this at the time I saw it...

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, seriously you gotta - Masaaki Yuasa totally outdid himself, the choreography and flow if it is just incredible and the whole concept (a biwa hōshi and the cursed mutant son of a noh performer invent glam rock to tell the story of fallen Heike soldiers) is both so out there I struggle to imagine how they came up with it, and yet a perfect evolution of the themes Yuasa explored in his films so far.

So… I was completely spellbound the whole time, it’s one of those films that really rekindles the firey love for animation after days of drawing tiedowns lol. The ideas for movement, the creative shot choices, the solidity and weight of the animation, the visual motifs, the music behind the animation… gaahh you guys it’s such a good movie that ties together so well. So glad to finally get the chance to see it. And you can trust that the very minute it becomes available on blu-ray, or at least the very week, I’ll be screening it on Animation Night.

Well, that day has come! I’ve got the movie and I’m gonna show it to ya.

So what’s this all about?

Perhaps you remember when we watched Naoko Yamada’s brilliant adaptation of the Heike Monogatari. This is the story of how the Taira or Heike clan, who once effectively ruled Japan back in the artistic and peaceful Heian period (literally ‘peace period’!) of 794-1185, got too ambitious and were annihilated by their rival Minamoto clan in what would later be called the Genpei War, bringing an end to the period of peace, and putting the samurai and their shogunate in ascendance.

You don’t need to know much more than that to follow Inu-Oh, which is set in the years after the fall of the Heike. The story was transmitted forward through history by the biwa hōshi, blind biwa-playing itinerant monks who would go about singing stories.

However, Inu-Oh isn’t really about strict adherence to actual history, as you’ll see! The premise is essentially that a radical young biwa player Tomoaru, blinded as a child by an ill-fated attempt to fish up the sword Kusanagi, encounters the mutant son of a noh troupe, who is haunted by the ghosts of the Heike soldiers who perished in the war. The effect of this haunting is to give him a strange body with long, distended limbs; he takes on the name ‘Inu-oh’ meaning ‘King of Dogs’. Inu-oh’s father rejected him, leaving him an outcast, but in Tomoaru he finds another outcast who doesn’t give a shit how he looks.

Our two boys quickly become best bros and driven by the ghosts’ call to tell their stories, invent biwa-based glam rock, creating a sensation as they sing untold stories with elaborate, pyrotechnic-laden preformances of songs such as ‘Burial Mound of Arms’... but in so doing, fall afoul of the new shogunate, as Inu-Oh’s father cannot stand to gain a rival in his rejected son.

Inu-oh is full of some of the most inventive and charming animation of music performances I’ve ever seen. I struggle to imagine how they came up with the ideas that drive this film. It feels like it’s constantly in spellbinding motion. The rougher lines and more detailed designs are a departure from the Flash style that Yuasa’s later films mostly used, much more like the ones in Heike Monogatari, but the young international animators at Science Saru pull it off incredibly.

There’s been much discussion of how to interpret Inu-Oh. Is it about Yuasa himself and his weird career? Is it about the struggles of art in general? There’s a nice review of it over on fufuro; for now I will just say that it reminded me why I love animation. (Also it’s gay as hell. Y’know. Just putting that out there.)

Along side this, I’m going to be bringing back a Yuasa work that I feel like we gave an unfair shake back in the day - MInd Game, animated at Madhouse in 2004 at the very beginning of Yuasa’s rise. Known for its incredibly varied and experimental animation, Mind Game follows a man who fails to intervene against an attempted rape and dies, but after a brief meeting with God, drags himself back to life and begins a surreal journey as he flees from the yakuza. Much of the film takes place inside a whale, where they meet an old yakuza who has lived there for decades, following how the characters and their relationships evolve (which is to say they go fucking nuts) - before an absolutely batshit final sequence as they attempt to make their mistake.

Mind Game notally marks the beginning of the collaboration between Yuasa and the brilliant Shinya Ohira, who provided some of his warping, expressionist rough pencils. It’s got a lot of naked people being flung around, wild smears, bright colours. The simplified designs allow the animation to be all the more creative. It’s hard to find anything to compare it with, really! Mind Game doesn’t feel like a Madhouse work. It only somewhat resembles Yuasa’s later works. If anything it feels like something you’d find on Catsuka at 2am. 

So I think it’s about time I revisited it!

I’ve learned a great deal more about animation and its history since I wrote about Yuasa before, and later I’d like to write a more substantial account of his works. But right now, it’s about time we started! Animation Night 150(!) will be going live now at twitch.tv/canmom, with movies due to start in about 15 minutes - I’d love to see you there to see what is probably my favourite movie of 2022! (even though it strictly came out in 2021). see you soon~

[juliets-roller-derby-awesomeness]

okay actually im just gonna vent, there are triggers in the tags but: negativity on halloween, depression/apathy, slow platonic breakups, autistic sensory meltdowns, fomo, parental issues, wasting time, new girl spoilers

im hiding in my bedroom because i had to load the dishwasher and i hate loading the dishwasher bc of the smell of dish water and the thought of touching food on dishes and andjsjdj i hate it

and my brother invited his friends over and i haven't showered but i also am wearing like a pj shirt and no bra and i don't want to put a bra/binder on because ill just get it dirty bc i have to shower tonight but i don't want them to be weird (my brother is still in high school lol) and i got in a fight with my mom and i spent like 3 hours making cookies and watching new girl and going in the bathroom to hide so i could stim about new girl and it feels like i didn't do anything productive?? or like i wasted a bunch of time??

capitalist brain rot goes crazy

i wanna go out and join but i really don't want to talk to my mom or put a bra on but it's halloween and i had a whole plan about what i was going to do when i was home alone and then i wasn't home alone because my mom got drunk and changed her plans and came home to hand out candy and i spent way too long making cookies bc the butter was frozen and i was watching nick and jess get married

im making cookies for my friend (T) that's been sick for like a week and she hasn't answered any of my texts and we've been growing apart and i hate it so much we were so close last year and now im so damn lonely all the time which is why i was so excited to goof off with my brothers friends tonight but i feel like i blew it

another friend (L) and i had this whole elaborate inside joke about my immortal, we would recite the first chapter to each other and watched strange æons reading of it for 1M subscribers and made ebony in the sims and woohooed her to mortimer goth

and in like may we said we were gonna dress up as ebony and draco for halloween, but then we kinda stopped talking and when i texted her to see if she still wanted to she said idk. so like. then i come to find that she is dating this guy (who's one of our mutual friend's ex), and he was the one that told me L and him were going out. She's been out as a lesbian for going on 6 years now, and like obviously sexuality is fluid and im happy for her and etc etc, im not saying she lied to me about her sexuality or that their relationship doesn't mean anything (/gen) because i know nothing about it. which is like,, kinda my point, she likes a guy, and she never told me?? it's not that i feel entitled to know everything about who she fancies but like, this feels big to me and was like a thing like "wow we really never talk. i really like, barely know you anymore and you were my best friend 5 months ago"

anyway all that is to say, L's bf was mario and she was wearing a pink top and a crown so like. what???

[bookishjules]

The Items Assembled:

Matthew's flask - found at the Devil Tavern, where we went on orders from Rupert (and returned after conferring with Jem)

Alastair's dagger - found randomly on our way back from talking to Hypatia at the London Shadow Market in the Southwark Cathedral weapon cache

Thomas's diary - found on a shelf at Cirenworth, which is on a different ley line from the rest, after Rupert told us to take the dagger home to the Carstairs there

The music box - found on the windowsill of a guest bedroom at Curzon Street, which Rupert told us to go to via an address on an old envelope

The Lightwood candlesticks - found at the NY institute, but they had originally been on the ley line at St. Mary Abchurch, where we went per Ragnor's suggestion

The fish slice for W&T - found with Socks MacPhaerson in Faerie, but had originally been on the ley line at the Hell Ruelle, again sent by Ragnor

[jiminrings]

what happened to mc after that?? JUNGKOOK I WILL WHOOP YO FUCKING ASS

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

the aftermath of stem koo breaking senior!y/n's heart

"do you need anything from us?"

yoongi asks you for the fifth time in the twenty minutes you've been home, heart breaking from the inside out when you haven't moved a single inch

he is begging that the thing you need from him and jin is to go beat j*ngkook up

HE CAN'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME WITHOUT BEING ANGRY AT HIM!!!!!!!

anything. anything to atleast make you sleep in peace tonight.

or them honestly,, either way

your body's facing the backrest of the couch and maybe that's for the better, because that way, seokjin won't feel the need to cry looking at the coldest person he's known to be openly vulnerable

you're still wearing your jersey!!! your stained dirty jersey that you've been in for the past three hours and the reason that it's still wet was that you've been using it to wipe your tears all the way to the dorm

"no. i'll be alright."

you mumble for the fifth time out of the five times you've been asked, and yoongi just has to grapple at his fist because he knows that being frustrated wouldn't help

you are the fURTHEST thing from okay

to be honest, it was only a miracle that you told the two of them what happened in the first place

it was in between sobs that you asked them why they were friends with you and they couldn't be anymore dumbfounded

it was in between violent tears that you mentioned hyeji that seokjin looked for a box of tissues because you've been intentionally rubbing your eyes raw

it was in between heaving that you said that no one wants to go the extra mile for me that yoongi started holding your cheeks and trying to get you to breathe with him in his panic too

it was in between hiccups that you uttered that no one wants to walk me home and that's when both of yoongi's and seokjin's throats started tightening, the dots hazy yet aligning nonetheless

it was in silence when you told that jungkook said that no one likes me, and that's when out of the three of you in the room – you're the one who's the calmest.

"okay. i'll bring you a blanket."

yoongi leaves it at that, standing from his spot on the floor to walk over to the kitchen where the blankets cLEARLY aren't there

no one really prepared yoongs for this

no one really is

there isn't a manual on how to act when the dearest friend that you have is crying their guts out for the first time

he can't explain his close bond with you and he's always seen you as his platonic girlfriend!!! his platonic girlfriend who has a bond with him that's closer than a sister's, more understanding than a mother's, and the utter admiration more than a friend's

you r literally yoongi's (platonic) soulmate and he would die on that hill

he would rather subject himself to torture via having to stay in a freshman's dorm equipped with the de facto led strip lights everyday!!! every single day, than to see you like this :(((

"what do you have on the bitch?" yoongi doesn't spare his words when he sits on the kitchen stool next to jin's figure

the dude is sTANDING and that means business

jin doesn't feel a single ounce of regret fetching his work laptop and scrolling through the files and tabs he has on every single student on campus, eyes only looking for one lee hyeji that's contributed to your anguish rn

jungkook is atleast 3/4 in this equation and seokjin will get to him of course

no one makes his emotional support best friend cry and nOT pay the consequences for it!!!!

in another life, vincenzo cassano's character is based on seokjin and the events in his life that definitely happened >:(

"she's daddy's money. can't fucking believe that sHE'S representing the school," he sighs in genuine annoyance, but not loud enough to pique your attention as he turns the screen so yoongi could clearly see her headshots, "must be a diversity hire. every university needs a fucking bimbo, apparently."

you see,,, yoongi would've SNORTED at that but now is not the time!!! he is still planning discreet retribution to avenge you!!!!

jin lets yoongi look at hyeji's entire file, wanting to get even the smallest bits even if the information he's taking in is against his will

he'll immediately delete whatever he learns about her right after it's served its purpose

"just messaged the faculty groupchat," seokjin himself didn't imagine the words coming out from his lips determinedly, but he knows that he's willing to do anything for the sake of this, "been crushing on jeon ever since the start of last semester. philosophy professor thinks it's because he once saw jungkook lending her a pen when they were in the topic of soulmates."

jesus christ

now THAT'S just annoying ://

this

whatever this is

seokjin and yoongi don't know what they're digging all this information for

they don't know what this unspoken plan is for, or if they even have a plan in the first place

if jin were to tell the faculty gc about this???

absolute mayhem

but he knows for a fact that they'd hate star student jungkook easily within a tap of a finger

the philosophy prof would lose all sense of rationality and reasoning and INSTANTLY point to jungkook as an asshole!!! no questions asked!!!! no elaborations!!!!

"i could get jeon eliminated from all the academic listings he's in."

jin pipes in at the silence that he and yoongi share, both listless in this situation that they never expected to encounter with you

"i could always spread a rumor and make him unlikeable."

yoongi toys with the rings that he wears, a heavy exhale tearing away from him

they could think of a thousand other ways to get back at jungkook!!! they literally can

seokjin knows a contract guy who leaves shredded paper with his contract's initials written on red ink (for a base fee of three dollars, he can switch up the ink for you!!!) right next to their side on the bed

yoongi knows a guy whose modus operandi is to discreetly follow people, have subliminals playing in the background (for an extra fee of ten dollars, he'll use wireless bass-boosted speakers), and continue doing so until the desired message is achieved!!!!

none of the people they have connections to could employ the same amount of pain he's caused on you

there's literally nothing that could hit home with jungkook besides you.

but there's no way to do that and even in your state of anger and sadness tHEN utter vulnerability, you can't even really think of hurting jungkook in the way he did

because you know and yoongi knows and seokjin knows and everyone knows that you aren't the type to wish ill

you admit that sometimes you're unavailable but you don't want that to be an asshole-reason to make everyone else around you suffer in the same way you do

the people around you aren't your shock absorbers!!!! that's why you hang out a teddy bear on your doorknob when you're mad so that neither yoongi or jin would have the possibility to be caught in your rage

that's why you call for a break when your soccer team is out of their game and make everyone drink their electrolytes before they speak to you!!!!

that's why you have the old heart of your even older build-a-bear stuffie in your pocket, one of the only reminders that your childhood even happened, one that you'd squeeze between your fingers in any remotely anxious instances that you find yourself in

jungkook's words hit home and it put you into a spiral if you even had one in the first place

your parents divorced when you were young and it's just that,,, no one from the two of them wanted you because you were the reminder of the other parent

you're a place marker for when a commitment started and ended and god did it make you grow up quickly

your aunt raised you!!!! she's an angel and she's the maternal figure in your life that you'd always be grateful for

you love her all the same and as much as you didn't wanna relate yourself to your parents in the same way that they don't, the feelings of being unliked hit you ever so often

lol it's quite a dashing mindset you have but you can't see any other interpretation you should employ

you leave before they could leave you.

it's not really as dramatic as it sounds

BUT IT COULD BE

there's always obligatory groupchats for projects and you're the first one to leave it instead of awkwardly waiting out for the conversation to dwindle and then leave one by one

when you and yoongi argue, you leave before he attempts to get the last word in

when jin is about to ask if you want to split the bill, you're already putting more than half of your share on the table

it's a nagging feeling of not wanting be unwanted in every situation you're in, but you aren't all that sure of wHAT you'd do to be liked

the only thing you could think of are lunchboxes, and even that gets taken away from you.

does no one really like you??

you're shifting in your position before you know it and the lone sound makes jin and yoongs come to your side immediately, looking at you in concern

you're looking up and you could just fEEL your eyes are puffy and even the light's hurting them

"i need to sleep."

"o-oh! m'kay, sure. i'll carry you to bed, let's go," seokjin wastes no time in responding, about to hook his arms underneath you when you repeat yourself again

you only chuckle but it's the driest and most painful they've ever heard, wincing when they can hear how breathless it was

"no. i mean i need to sleep."

jin blinks once

yoongi blinks twice

OH

right

they get it now

you don't want to sleep, and you really can't, but you need it

"i'll get it!!" jin volunteers to grab what you need, leaving yoongi with you

oh god you could fEEL that he's going to cry

what a big baby ://

seokjin comes bearing the joint :D

he's about to light it for you because he knows that three specific short hits would lull you to slumber then knock you out cold for like a day lmao

he minored in chemistry actually but he cAN'T explain shit on why that's your body's reaction

you're all-good for literally anything besides three short hits lmao

yoongi was about to scold jin because he lights it and tHEN he's the one who takes the first drag, but there's an assuring wave of his hand

how romantic

jin just blew you a heart

<3

they can't get anything from you besides the slight crinkling from your eyes but they don't mind at all — your eyes are atleast one degree less sad

you take your turn and even pass it to yoongi but he rEFUSES,,,,, not the least bit dejected that he decided not to because he wants to watch over you instead and not see every inanimate object with cartoon eyes on them while watching over you

"bake her a cookie if in case she suddenly gets hungry in the middle of her sleep. sneak a carrot in it or something," jin reminds yoongi and he's sERIOUS about the recipe, holding you in tow as he makes the way to your room

yoongi's about to break out the bowls, freezing in his steps when he hears the doorbell frantically ring

oh god

the ONE time that they didn't plug the door with a wet towel and now it's probably the hall manager outside about to do an inspection

that is not..... the hall monitor

that is a fucking asshole

jungkook's been pacing on his heels, his knocking loud enough to wake up the entire hallway at this point

he's SWEATING and he's not even wearing his hoodie

the door finally opens and the words start tumbling out of his mouth

"good evening. i-i wanna explain myself and-..."

that is not,,,,, you

it's his senior that he's disrespected probably too many times

yoongi leans to the door, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face that the junior's never seen before

"you ever had a sandwich before, jungkook?"

"w-what?"

the younger boy stammers, his eyes following yoongi's actions of looking behind him out of worry and then going outside to join him by closing the door softly without noise

yoongi only snorts, not even sure if he's up for conversation

"hyeji's never packed you a sandwich before?"

jungkook pales at the mention, mouth drying when he sees yoongi bring up the soft smile that doesn't comfort him at all

"the one that's all knuckle?"

[prose-for-hire]

Love, Hate, Love: Part three

Part One // Part Two

Pairing: Spike x fem!vamp!reader

Request: Spike and the reader disliked each other until they recall their shared past. They finally acknowledge it and their feelings begin to spill - but is it too late? This is the final part !!

Originally requested by: @therapieliteratur​

Warning: Alcohol consumption. Implied sex. Very dodgy/amateur-ish inserted poetry lol

A/N: I don’t have anything for Valentine’s this year, so this will have to do !! Happy Valentine’s Day loves 💖🖤

The evening swept around him, the wind hissing mocking taunts as he ran from the broken promise of your love.

As William sobbed, he stumbled into the field that harboured that oak tree. Once a solace, now a marker of his loss. A gravestone to your love.

His heart was shattered and he made a decision, one that would mean you would never see him again.

In that moment, you were facing your own battle. You still lived with your parents. They did not permit you to leave that afternoon. You panicked, explaining yourself and the reason you were so desperate to go. Which just made it worse.

“Father, please!” You screamed, tears streaming hot and salted, “Please understand, William is a good man. Of a good family”

“Other arrangements have been made, child” He warned, not explaining what these were. You weren’t expected to know or comprehend.

“I love him!” You shouted. The house stopped still. Nobody moved. You were supposed to be seen, not heard. Respect your mother and father’s will. Your mother cried and begged, trying to still you from leaving.

But you managed it, running all the way to the chapel, pleading solace with the vicar. Only to find that your lovers heart was shattered and broken on the floor.

It sounded like broken glass under your feet as your tear-stained wedding gown clung to you.

You had returned from the school a week ago and fitfully rested since. You had offered your hand to help Spike up. He hadn’t taken it, but he hesitated before he told you to go away. The bite in his voice had gone. Neither of you wished to use such harsh tones anymore.

You were back in your home again. Another monotonous fight finished. They all seemed the same. You sighed, shaking your bra to remove the dust from your cleavage.

It was a few days since you last shared your dreams and suddenly you began to crumble under the weight of your tears. Crying almost as much as you had that night as that memory kept flashing behind your eyes. It still felt so fresh. How he hadn’t been there. How you had been too late.

Your legs gave out from under you. Somehow, you were on your knees. Sobbing on the tile of your kitchen floor.

You didn’t realise, but he was out there. Watching. He had followed you home and seen that you lived in a house. A real one. He had scoffed at this and that you had paid over the odds for necro-tempered glass so that you could sit in some kind of sunlight without burning in your own home. He knew this, because he had found an invoice when he had been rooting in your trash.

He was smoking when he saw the kitchen light turn on. You were visible until you dropped to the floor. Eyes leaking with such emotion.

It physically hurt him to see you that way as he moved closer to the window. Tears started to prickle behind his eyes, a lump forming at the back of his throat. He wished to wrap his arms around you. Be allowed in your house, to offer comfort. For you to want his comfort.

He had always hated to see you cry.

In the following weeks, as Spike healed, your hearts began to break over and over. You avoided facing each other, it was too painful even to be in the same room.

Spike stayed outside your house more frequently and you found yourself napping a lot more than usual, just in case you caught the moment he would be sleeping too.

You longed for him in sleep just as he pined for you in reality. You began to want each other in all manner of consciousness. Defying the pain. The hatred you had once been so convinced of. All you wanted was the other and it infuriated you. Whilst somehow simultaneously being a solace.

You were a comfort blanket that the other held close. Wrapped around your hearts for protection. Soft like Sunday morning sheets dipped in the sun’s rays. The warmth of summer days meeting the whispering of cool winter nights.

The care you had weaved in and out of your hearts left a thread. A thread that entwined with theirs and tugged towards the other. The feeling was the last thing you could cling to.

But the pain, the loss. It was creeping up on you both. It always was. Becoming harder and harder to bear. The dreams and memories becoming more and more tainted. The worse, most painful parts taking up most of the dreams.

Despite all of this, you both settled in to sleep much earlier than you ever had before. You still wanted to touch the other, feel the other’s mind. Emotions through the dream. The truth of your love. The promise that it had been real for both of you. Even if it were for mere seconds.

You looked out of the window again, sighing, staring out into the night. Not realising Spike was staring back. You were too in your own head.

You saw it now, where you hadn’t been able to before. His softer side. The lover’s heart that was still firmly planted on his sleeve. How had you missed the attention he had given to Drusilla? How had you ignored the way he spoke about her. Protected her.

Why do you now envy her? Him? For the love story you were never allowed.

You remembered so much now. You both defied convention. You always had. Now you were starting to notice all of the similarities he had to that young man you agreed to marry. You craved him. His touch. His mind.

Through the next few days, the dreams became more frequent again. More scenes from the past. More feelings. Multiple times in the night. Both of you guiltily looking forward to them. The first part, anyway. It was worth the heartache, the hollow loss at the end. To be able to touch each other again, even briefly. Just like it had been.

You had both began to write again, feverish emotions and memories spinning. You had rediscovered your love for poetry as well as that guilty affection you held for the other.

You arrived in the school library one late afternoon. Spike had seen you crying that first time a while ago now and had been watching your house more often than he would like to admit. Your heart ached with every waking moment and you felt yourself walking through life as some kind of emotion-exhausted zombie might.

“Nice of you to join” Xander murmured with a smile. You had been late. You got caught up by the vampire that often tried to make you pay him to pass by ‘his’ turf in the underground tunnel system.

Oh, right, now the vampire that used to make you pay to pass him in the tunnels.

“Yeah, sorry. What’s the sitch?” You asked, a well-practiced smile now stitched on your face for them. You weren’t really expecting much of an update as you started to shake some dust out of your hair.

“It’s Spike. We can’t just let him walk anymore. I’m goin’ out tonight and putting an end to his reign of stupid”

“N-no” You said, unsure why your mouth had moved of your own accord. You had stopped what you were doing and now just staring vaguely at the middle of the room.

“What?”

“Y/n, you know as well as we do, if not more so, what may happen should we allow Spike to continue his ill-thought out tyranny at will”

“He’s not exactly enemy number one is all I meant” You shrugged slowly, still staring unblinkingly as more memories flashed behind your eyes. He was so human in your mind, you couldn’t let that go. Even despite everything you knew about him. The goodness, no matter how limited it appeared, was starting to shine through.

“How can you even begin to defend-”

“Isn’t there a major mayor-related-massacre threatening at any moment? Shouldn’t we care more about immediate threat than some vampire who would sell his remaining brain cell for some box-bleach?”

“Spike’s dangerous though, Y/n. With the threatening and the, uh, hostage-taking-of-me” Willow said softly. It made you feel so guilty. It tore you in half, her words. You berated yourself. For clinging to that rare happiness you felt in those dreams you shared at the expense of real lives.

Your feelings all ran at each other at once. A fated fight. To the death. Neither side was winning or losing, but the battle waged on fiercely.

“Okay. But let me do it” Your eyes almost pleading with them and after some consideration, they agreed. It was you and him, to the very end.

You waited for him at the bar. Simultaneously wishing him to arrive and hoping that he never did.

He arrived, walking towards you, the dim glow of the bar making his prominent cheekbones cast a shadow against his cheeks. Your eyes were transfixed on him, he moved in slow motion. Adjusting the shoulder of his leather duster as he walked.

As he came towards the bar, your eyes flashed between seeing him in reality stalking up to the bar and William walking, smiling towards you. The pictures cutting and splicing themselves together until it was one man.

Nostalgia sticking to your mind like glue, running into your eyes. Blurring the two. He was the same man. Your mind was becoming more and more sure of this.

Which was why this was going to be so hard.

Neither of you pretended the other wasn’t there today, you gestured for him to sit next to you on the spare seat. He stared for a moment, an eyebrow quirked in confusion before he just shrugged and threw himself down beside you.

“Lookie here, if it isn’t the runaway bride” He said, his voice bit deeper than he had expected. He remembered, then. You hadn’t been sure.

“Will- uh, Spike. I didn’t run” You corrected him, without elaboration.

“Yeah, well, suppose it’s not running if you didn’t bother to turn up in the first place”

“That is way not fair! I was totally-” He raised his eyebrows at your phrasing and tensed his jaw at your lie. You cut yourself off, trying to rephrase.

You explained. Exactly what had happened and how you had stayed there all night and through the next day despite the biting cold and rain. Your wedding gown soaked through, but you wouldn’t move.

You explained that you had hoped he would know you had run into trouble. That you would be there when you could.

And Spike believed you. Even when you were younger, he could always tell when you had been lying. This was probably the most honest you had been with him since you had met again.

Spike’s eyes were threatening to spill over again and he hid it by looking downwards, he was about to say something. Reply to your recount of that day, apologise for leaving so quickly, when you were interrupted.

“He bothering you, Y/n?” The bartender asked, gesturing with his head at Spike. Every time he saw you and Spike together there was a fight and you looked more miserable than usual.

“No, uh, we’re on a date. This is, like, my happy face” You assured him with a blank expression that made him laugh, “I’ll have my usual and whatever William usually drinks.”

The bartender looked at Spike, trying to hide his obvious laughter at his real name. No wonder he had chosen Spike. Spike glared, first at you and then at the bar tender. Who surrendered and moved away to make your drinks.

You did shoot Spike an apologetic look. It had slipped out again.

When you received your round you drank in silence for a while. Your thoughts marinating in your brains. Sitting beside each other, sharing a drink – it was alien. But neither of you could help enjoying it.

He knew now that he still loved you. It hurt and he was confused with himself for it, but he couldn’t deny it. Not any longer. You had been all he ever wanted and even now he just wanted to hold you against him the way he had fantasised about in his human years.

He found himself wanting to understand you. Wanting to be allowed beneath your scarred surface. He wished to comfort you when you cried. He wished to relearn the patterns of your mind. He knew your sweet poetry wasn’t lost, just like it wasn’t in his own mind.

You knew you would have never been able to do it. As soon as he walked in, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. The stake in your sleeve was splintering uncomfortably and you let it. Your penance for what you were about to say.

“I came here to kill you” You admitted, “Slayer wants you dead”

“And you and your soul’s okay with that one? Pretty little off switch your morality got, isn’t it?” He laughed humourlessly swigging from his drink, “My life’s not worth anything when there’s nothin’ in it for you and yours”

“You could run” You let the suggestion hang in the air.

“And the Slayer would let that happen? Me toddlin’ off until the next time our paths cross and then it’s dust in the wind. For the both of us” He accused. Telling you what you had always known. Your fates were entwined. You had lived and loved together. Been sired at similar times, managed to grasp onto your unlives despite the constant threat. Your soul ached for him, his missing but still showing even if it was just in your own eyes.

You took it in turns to buy the other their drink of choice. It really was like the date you had never been on. You sat in silence, each considering what had been said. Until it had gotten too much for you.

You couldn’t hide, nor run anymore. The shift was too great. Tectonic.

He caught your eye, as you watched him closely. Were you going to say this?

“I look at you and I see that oak tree, those freckles. That smile you used to give me that was ours. Like a secret that only we knew” You spoke, voice wavering and glass crunching under your hand as you held your cup too tight, “I hear the poetry, feel the breeze on my face. I can even feel the bodice that used to dig into me as we sat on the grass…” Your voice caught as his face started to soften at your confession, “I know this is selfish and… wrong. But y-you’re him. The only love ever allowed in my heart. The only one that ever will be. You’ve not changed in the way you think you have, my love” You finished, your accent switching in and out from the one you used to have and the one you used now.

He was reeling from your words. He had never, in all the time he had known you while you were undead, seen you be so honest. So vulnerable. You spoke from the heart, the way you had always used to.

Her love. Your love. He replayed those words over and over. Unable to hate or cast out any affection anymore. It was you.

You usually hid behind your guilt. Thick insulation, stopping you from moving forwards. Kept you constantly recounting past sins. It held your tongue, bound your actions to those that Angel helped construct. Acting only in a way that would allow for you to atone. No happiness, no light.

But now you were bearing yourself to him. Daring to be vulnerable - to hope that he felt it too. Despite it all. Despite who he had been to you in recent memory. The hatred, the dislike felt more distant a memory than the love your shared now.

“Cognate souls sing in early morning. My heart, begotten” The words spilled from his mouth, tears running down his cheeks now.

“There lies she, a woman. The type one may tie a knot in” You whispered, almost choking on the words and how happy they had made you. How he had asked you to be his. To marry.

You locked eyes. Both still shining. Before he closed his eyes for an extended period of time. Savouring those words. That moment.

You were holding back more tears. These feelings long since hidden, but never lost. Your dead hearts began to flutter.

You leaned in and his lips caught yours. Lips moving slowly to begin with but even the slightest movement of your lips spurred him to kiss deeper. You responded desperately, hands reaching for him.

Needing this. Needing him. You wished to make up for being so late. In this kiss.

You could taste salt and… him. The way he tasted hadn’t changed. His lips were almost warm against yours. His tongue entering your mouth hot and urgent. You kissed as if the threat of being torn from the other was imminent.

Your hands slid up his back, gripping the material of his shirt. Wishing you could take it from him right here. Press your naked skin against his. His hand slid up the curve of your neck. The other grasping at the strands of your hair.

You fumbled, pulling each other desperately closer. Bar stools fallen in your wake. You were lost in the kiss, both of you were. Moving on instinct, lips hungry and desperate to recreate the feelings you had all that time ago.

You somehow had entered his crypt. His bed was covered, completely littered with papers. Scrawled with such feeling. Some aged, that had been guiltily kept and some on fresh lined paper. He shoved them from the bed haphazardly. You missed his slight embarrassment as you attached your lips to his neck instead. Tugging on his waistband, desperate and pleading.

You needed this. You had ached for his touch for too long. This was so much more real than the dream. So badly you wanted him. Quick and now.

Your lips pressed against any skin hungrily and you were working desperately to remove all of his clothes as fast as you could.

But he stilled your hands.

Guiding your head back so you would face him. Your pupils dilated and dazed already by your desire for him. For this act that had been held in reverence. The meeting of your bodies in the way you had been told to save for your true love in your youth.

That time had passed but there was something about it being him. About it being you. You had always wanted to feel his naked flesh against your own.

“Wait, Sweet- let me?” he mumbled against your lips, kissing softly now. Like he used to. You almost wept. His mouth grazed yours, not as cautious as he once was. He had learned since, but the way his lips caressed yours. The feeling, that heart, it was still there. His lips insisted that he was still promised to you.

He wanted nothing more than to take you, rough with desire and throbbing with passion. But there was something he had to do. Something William would never forgive him for if he didn’t take this opportunity. Something he would never forgive himself for.

You nod, you were his. You always had been. You couldn’t turn back now despite him allowing you to think on it for that brief moment.

He took you, laid you back on his bed. His guiding grip strong but surprisingly tender. His hands ran down your body in a silent adoration.

He took his time to remove items of your clothing that were left. The fabric felt binding until his hand rested there. With his touch, a sigh of relief. You both felt yourselves releasing a long-held breath. One you had held inside for centuries.

Your eyes shone. It was emotional for the both of you. To have so much right here in front of them. To have everything you had truly ever dreamed.

In this moment, you felt his love in every stroke. Every murmur, every gentle encouragement. Movement. He enjoyed the way you touched his body with such reverence. Adored every sigh of pleasure.

He was firm in his love, in his touch. Your hands sliding up his back, weaving and clasping at his short, bleached hair. You moved so easily with him. Your bodies in perfect harmony. As if they were truly made for each other.

He kissed every part of you. His lips discovering places he had only ever dared dream about before. Sometimes he pressed his lips a little teasingly but others because he wanted to worship your form. He couldn’t rush this. His lips skimming every curve of your body. William was already writing sonnets in his mind. Pressing them into your skin.

He had wanted to do this since the day he had discovered what love making was. To meet your flesh with his. To consummate his adoration. To prove his devotion to your body, not just the mind he already adored. He had wanted to have you this way. To show you how true this feeling was.

His rhythm peaked and slowed. His touch sensual and yet wholly sensitive to you. Kisses littering your skin. He couldn’t believe you were here. That you were in his bed. He had longed, ached. Imagined exploring the beauty encapsulated in your form. His mind was intoxicated with you. Your touch, even your scent.

His eyes never leaving yours. Your eyes shone, threatening to spill again. You caught his lips when he kissed a trail along your collarbone towards your lips. You whispered such loving assurances against his pale skin. Into his ear as he ran a hand along your thigh. You cradled his body to you, wrapping yourself around him. Ensuring he was ever closer.

You hoped that he knew you were right there with him. That you were his, like you had been all those years ago.

You laced your fingers with his. Locking like your eyes. Every part of you had to be connected. You craved each other and it was only satisfied when you were together completely. In mind and body.

No mere dream.

He woke up the next evening, expecting you to be gone. He screwed his eyes up, not willing himself to look less the desperate pang of disappointment swallow him whole.

But when he dared to open his eyes you were there. On your side facing away from him. Sleeping. You had never slept so well, not since you had got your soul back.

You looked so peaceful when you slept. Much more so than when you were awake. He rolled over to press himself against your body. His hand tracing the curvature of your body. He had been deprived of your touch for so long.

He didn’t want this moment to end. This is what he had been missing all these years. It was you. It had only ever been you.

He cautiously ran a hand along your bare skin and enjoyed as you sighed softly through sleep. Your shoulders were exposed and he pressed his lips to your skin. Slow, gentle kisses. Pressed with such meaning. It was as soft as he remembered, despite the years. The fights.

He closed his eyes at the contact, hearing your contentment. You moved back slowly, needy for his body to further embrace yours.

This was all he had ever dreamed of. All he had written about. This was a century in the making.

Your eyes began to open, in your sleepy state you turned to him. You smiled.

William.

The smile lit up the room, better than the sun he remembered whenever you were around. You leaned in, settling a sleepy kiss against his lips.

Written poetry was scattered around the bed you shared for the day. Surrounding you both. Spike’s passion rekindled as yours was. For love and for poetry.

It was in that state between sleep and wake where reality hadn’t quite caught up. Your guilt hadn’t hit you. Your duty, anxieties. None of it was more important than the scene before you.

Everything just felt right. All you knew was this early evening adoration. You felt comfortable. Safe.

The world had stopped on its axis in this moment. The first shoots of love re-growing from your hearts.

[mesmir-ized]

(Eleanor D. Ball Laurens, John Laurens’ mother)

april 10, 1731 - may 22, 1770

[TW death mention - brief]

Eleanor Laurens passed away on this day, 250 years ago, after a traumatic childbirth that left her bedridden, and an illness that killed her weeks later. she was buried either at Mepkin Abbey or the Laurens’ Charleston residence - it is unknown due to her gravestone being destroyed during the American Revolutionary War .

[TW OVER !!!]

hey y’all ! new post on Tumblr heck yeah ! so sorry for not posting as often . :( i will try to do this more.

i did not forget Eleanor’s death day (as popposed to her bday THIS YEAR !) & drew this !!! i don’t have much to elaborate on in terms of Eleanor - i have more info on her in other posts & on this account and my Hamino account ! her story is a bit sad but i am doing my best to honor her as the smart, kind, beautiful, and strong woman she was !

onto my art rambles >:)

i know this is like my 3rd pink background post and 2nd Eleanor post within the past 2 months ghmfmghckh but i cannot help it ! the color scheme fit ! i tríed something a bit daring - a side profile ! i am awful at drawing side profiles & heavily referenced my own face on this to help dngdnygnfmc and i think it looks...Okay ! it looks better from a distance jrdtjdh but i tried ! my goals are to get better at drawing chubby people & side profiles, so i am working on it ! it’s hard to come up with what features she’d have & translate them into a side profile, but i tried !!! i already have a set design for her but not for her side ! okay that is enough about side profiles, lol ! she’s wearing a pretty simple yellow dress (the color i associate with her !) and posting with pink carnations if you know... you know ! ah, i joke, it won’t hurt to explain this ! it is very simple !: pink carnations represent a mother’s love . now try and see how many pink carnations i have in my art now, haha >:D !!! but yes, that is all for tonight . lots of love ! stay safe nyall !

[klvht]

The Occult vs. “A Cult”

The Occult vs. “A Cult”

How many can agree that Christianity is a cult?

I thought so too, at first.

I grew up in a Catholic faith, went to a Catholic church, and attended a Catholic school. Over the years, it has changed. I have been to a few different churches, but all focused-on God.

I believe a couple days ago, that God put it on my heart to write about the occult and witchcraft, but I wasn’t sure how to, in order to get my full point across; So I figured I’d just share my journey.

As many of you know, I used to live in Salem, MA & have been visiting there for most of my life. (Shout out to Mr. Roy who had brought my father up there almost his whole life as well, R.I.P.) Don’t get me wrong, Salem is a BEAUTIFUL place, and I love it there, even til this day. The area is super peaceful, has an amazing history, and is overly beautiful. I believe that Salem is one of the centers of witchcraft, and unfortunately, I got into it too. I used to read oracle cards, use a pendulum, practice spells, create sigils, the list goes on. Even as a little girl, my parents were getting their car fixed, and there was a witch there who wanted to speak with me, for whatever reason, which now I find funny that I ended up walking down the same unrighteous path as her later on in life (but as early as 12 years old).

Let’s go back to the home that started it all... upstate, NY. I got my first pack of oracle cards when I used to live in a house built in the 1800’s; my mom purchased them for me. They were contained in a beautiful package littered with “Angel” messages, that would help me tell the future. I also had my first pendulum in that house that I purchased from a visit in Salem. It was a beautiful home, the first one my parents purchased, and we had acres of land, including and above ground pool, a separate garage/bay/barn area, chickens, guinea hens, and an awesome pup.

Above the garage/bay/barn area, there was a door. You walked up the stairs in my backyard, up the hill to the right, and found it. It was very weird, but since the home was so old, we never thought anything about it. I remember the first door, and first room. It was wood, dark, damp, and gross lol. But if you kept walking forward, you came to this second door. I cannot stress enough that this door had Satanic writing all over it, including warnings saying “demon/devil inside”, “do not open”, had a big pentagram on the door, as well as sigils written all over it in what I believed to be red paint or ink. Thinking about it now, I wish I never had the curiosity to open that door, I wish I understood that it was a true warning, whether people believed it to be or were just fooling around. I truly believe upon opening that door is what could have led to the outpouring of demonic and evil spirits in that house, and could have latched on to my family, because once we moved into that home, things were never the same. I remember a trap door being in there, and I remember a burst of warm/hot air that came out as soon as I opened it. It took me a while to open that door, and I’m not sure if that was the only reason, but there were ghosts in my house, and demons, and no one knew any better. My mother saw, felt, and heard a few different ghosts in that house. One she called the ‘cowboy ghost’ which stood in the doorway in one of the hallways that went by my living room and led to the upstairs. She was also in our downstairs bathroom one time, and heard a woman call out “Hello…” as if she just wanted my mother to know that she was there. Lastly, my mother was asleep on the couch one day, and woke up to something screaming in her face, which I know now, had to be a demon. My sister at the time, who could not have been older than 4 when we were living at that house, saw a little boy ghost walk straight through the wall. I never saw anything, but I never really have, I’ve just always been the one to feel presences.

There was sooo much negative energy in that house, and sorry to say it, but so much had manifested over time and had increased the greediness, heartlessness, separation, and negativity in my family. I didn’t see my parents much, they ran a successful construction business out of the home, us kids would NEVER go downstairs or walk around at night by ourselves, and my brother was definitely attacked and latched to in that house.

Upon seeing, feeling, and experiencing all this, my mom went to the local psychic to find out what was going on. She did not know, but trust me, you guys should NOT be relying on a psychic to tell you about your life. The psychic may tell you true things, they may be able to see your home through their ‘third eye’, and they could probably predict things that actually came true at a later date, BUT their messages come from Satan, and other evil spirits who wish to destroy, manipulate, and kill. I’ve experienced this a few times, I’ll elaborate in a few paragraphs to come. The psychic my mom went to, described our home “to a T”. She spoke about my grandfather who had passed, and other life experiences my mom had gone through, which most psychics start off with to gain trust. Then she moved on to how a dark entity was basically scaring my brother day in and day out; he wouldn’t even shower alone. She told my mom how our home was a “walk through” for spirits because there were two cemeteries on each side of the home, down the road both ways. I don’t remember if we ever tried to pray Jesus over the home, or had a priest bless the home.

My mother became ill in that house. Long story short, she collapsed on her and my father’s wedding anniversary in 2005, and my dad resuscitated her. I fully believe she has been latched on to, regardless of what anyone says. It has been 15 years, and the doctors STILL don’t know what is fully wrong or what happened that day. She has had multiple operations, been on a variety of medications, and still, cannot seem to get better.

My most recent encounter was with the New Age religion, earlier in this quarantine time, sometime in February 2020, which seems to collaborate all types of faiths, such as buddhism, chakra practices, satanism, witchcraft, meditation, spirit guides, and even some excerpts from the Bible. The problem was, that I have always known that I had a type of psychic gift, as well as, I considered myself to be an empath; and while that may be true, I did not hold the true meaning or source of these gifts, that were given to me by God, and manipulated by Satan.

What I got out of being involved with multiple groups of “The Great Awakening”, moving from “4D to 6D consciousness”, practicing “meditation” to find my “spirit guides”, “the law of attraction”, etc. was that it is ALL motivated by Satan and manipulated to deceive the souls created by God, to fool them, and to use them for his purpose, just by putting a simple twist on the subject, and to practice this type of inclusivity that the world had never seen before. That’s the thing about Satan, he appears warm & fuzzy, cool & collected, cares about all types of love and inclusivity, JUST to deceive people. He’s an evil mastermind. Remember that when he decides to reveal himself and push his new world order, just as the Bible says will come in these end times.

Let me tell you, the New Age religion is false. I found myself headed down the path very abruptly, and it was like I could not focus on anything else. Whatever demons I was letting into my life legally, (because that’s what you do when you welcome and practice in sin, worldly matters, emotions, feelings, and forms of witchcraft), were now starting to manifest and turn my whole world upside down. I was in a dark and depressed time, suicidal thoughts were again surfacing, I wasn’t caring about my wellbeing, I was hateful towards others, the list goes on.

One day I was meditating to find my “spirit guides”, and idk maybe about 10-15 minutes in, while focusing on my ‘third eye’ chakra, I saw a demon. A literal demon. It was crawling on all fours, had menacing, scary, sharp, flesh ripping teeth, and it JUMPED at me. (Think of those stupid jump scare videos on social media). As SOON as that happened, I called out to Jesus and said the ‘Our Father’ prayer, and instantly at once, I felt safe again. It was either that day or a few days later, that Jesus visited me in a dream to save me once again, because I had decided to focus on dark powers to give myself purpose, identity, and power. He was there for me, even though I left the path that He was with me on.

Others that I have spoken to that once practiced meditation and finding ‘spirit guides’, said that as soon as they turned to Christianity and Jesus once again, the same thing happened. These ‘spirit guides’ were demonic in spirit, but appeared as nice, helpful beings initially. This is terrifying stuff guys, but that’s what Satan is all about. He wants to deceive you until the very last second when Jesus comes, just so you will worship Satan and his beasts, rather than knowing that you can call on Jesus anytime to come help. There really is no way to “close the circle” as some witches call it during some of their sacrificing, or “white magic” rituals.

I have to admit, that I do feel guilty and a bit of groaning within me because I waited so long to write on this, because God put it in my mind and in my heart a couple days ago. And now look, there’s a full moon/eclipse that’s happening tonight, and witches all around the world are trying to “hex the racists”, “restore order”, and “bring peace” with their practices TONIGHT. I’m just glad that God showed me that before I went another day without writing on this subject.

Again, if you have any questions or want to hear more about my experiences, (I have plenty more that I may write about), feel free to comment or inbox me.

Thanks for reading,

God Bless You,

Jesus Saves.

I love you guys.

[violetsandloveletters]

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? No because my music taste is SO varied.

What’s your favourite season of the year? I’m gonna go with Autumn.

Do you have pop-tarts in your house right now? No, we don’t have those things!

Is anyone’s birthday coming up? D’s on Saturday...

Does someone owe you over twenty dollars? I owe noone nothing.

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? No haha.

When was the last time you burned any part of your body? My mouth today or yesterday on food, I don’ remember because all my days have blurred into one since being ill.

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I don’t actually think so.

Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? I doubt it.

Have you ever called somebody dollface? Ew absolutely not.

If I gave you ten dollars, what would you spend it on? I’d say a Mcdonalds but I feel like shit so not that, i’d probably be boring & save it for something.

Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No.

What are you most excited about right now? I have literally nothing to look forward too... Though I would say my brother gets his GCSE results next week so finding out those.

Does / did either of your parents serve in the military? Nah.

Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? Yeah for sure.

Do you like sour candy? Yeah I love! Especially Haribo Tangfastics.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Hawaii.

Do you have Verizon? No?.

What do you do to stay awake when you’re tired? If i’m tired, I sleep.

Are all nighters something you have grown used to? I couldn’t now if I tried haha.

Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? Don’t drive, but yeah when i’m a passenger.

Do you wear your shoes around the house? Hell no, wherever I am, my shoes come off!

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? Summer!

What clothes are you most comfortable in? A comfy tee/giant hoodie & whatever knickers im wearing.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? My best mate Tash.

What has changed most about you in the past year? My home life & my health neither in a good way.

Are you good at painting nails? Yeah.

Smoothies or slushies? Oh I like both.

Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? Nah, I just switch off.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Yeah definitely .

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I have no idea.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Yeah, I have a huge one that’s in my hallway..

Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? Yeah I can walk in them perfectly fine, my mum has worn them every day for over 30 years so i’ve learnt from the best ha.

Any TV shows you sit down weekly to watch? Teen Mom OG & Teen Mum UK because i’ve watched OG for the last 10 years & I come from the UK sooo... Tbh it’s mainly Youtube uploads I wait for. Don’t know the last tv show I actually watched on normal telly tbh that wasn’t on Now Tv or Netflix.

Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partner? Yeah, some of my friends I guess?

Even if you don’t like politics, do you still have opinions on the issues? I do.

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? I haven’t seen a movie at the cinema in years. I want to see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood so someone best come with me.

Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? Yea?

Do you ever actually make your bed? Never, only when i’ve just washed the sheets.

Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Kind of but only because i’ve wanted to loose some weight, I stay within a certain, quite low calorie limit atleast 6/7 days & some days just eat way less cos that’s just how it is.

How are things between the person you like / love / are with? Good, fine, same as ever, even if he is a pain in the ass.

Where did you sleep last night? In my bed.

The last time you kissed someone, what colour of shirt were they wearing? Monday & they weren’t wearing one lol.

What year do / did you graduate? School, 2008, college 2011 & OU not til like 2023.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of? Mate, the thought of alcohol/shots makes me wanna throw up, I have no idea, probably vodka though.

What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall?  I need to go to Lush for a new body scrub.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Fuck, so hard because i’ve already had better & had my best mate take me with working passes to Fall Out Boy where we spent the concert in the sound bit in the middle of the floor (he’s a sound tech) & had them sing 2 feet away from me with no barriers while I sat with the tour manager & it was just the best experience ever. I have a video with Patrick smiling at me singing Immortals while I was trying not to cry & well yeah.

If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? Money, because I can change what I regret whenever I want too.

Are you taller than your mom? Nah, i’m 5ft & she’s 5ft 2.

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah, who hasn’t haha.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Night time, it’s how I relax.

Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? Yeah.

What’s so special about what you’re wearing? Nothing, it’s just a big tee & knickers lol.

Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? :).

Could you handle living with a male roommate? I lived with Dan for like 5 years, so in a relationship yeah.

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? Sleeping.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? It’s 5 past midnight.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yeah.

What do you miss the most about your past? Having more money, D being well & home.

When is the next time you will kiss someone? Idk.

Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes lol.

Plan on getting drunk or high tonight? No.

In the past week, have you cried hysterically? Yeah, in pain & just because I cry a lot so multiple times.

Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? I hope so, or I won’t bother.

Are you on birth control? No, haven’t been in years.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, don’t think so.

Last time you were really happy? This weekend I guess.

Do you tend to fall for players? No.

Have you ever asked a boy for advice? Yeah.

Are you wrapped in a blanket? Yes, so cold.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? 7 & a half hours then an hour & 38 min nap.

Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? No & no.

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[runningthe-maze]

Freeze. Fight. Flight.

Peter Parker x reader

Request: Hey there! I was wondering if I could send in a request. Lately I've been doing through a lot of anxiety, minor depression, self-esteem, really the whole 9 yards and I was hoping that you could write something about the reader going to counseling but doesn't tell anyone (cause of the whole societal image of mental illness) but Peter finds out about it and the ending can be up to you. 

Warnings: Depression, anxiety, self-consciousness

A/N: This is my first ever request! Thank you to the anon who sent it in, I struggle with the same things myself.  The gif doesn’t really pair with the writing very well, but that's okay lol I couldn’t find one. Send me an ask/dm if the content in this imagine offends you or unproperly portrays mental illnesses constructive criticism is always welcome . 

Also, I said this a lot (and will say it many more times), but do not hesitate to message me if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone! You are not alone.

masterlist

"Sorry, guys. I can't make it tonight. Something came up." You sighed, glancing between the two boys nervously. They looked up at you, disappointment etched into their features. "What do you mean? We made plans two weeks ago!" Ned pouted. "I know, I'm sorry I have to cancel last minute this thing is just really important." "What is this thing?" Pete asked, raising an eyebrow at you mischievously. "I have to," without making eye contact with either boy, you mumbled a quiet response. "I have to help my mom." They looked at you, noticing the lie. You rubbed a small circle on your arm, sighing in defeat. Somehow those boys knew every time when you were lying. "I'll tell you guys soon, it's just a little complicated right now." They both nodded, knowing you would tell them whatever it was when you were ready. "I'm really sorry guys." "We understand, y/n." You grinned at them, before the three of you set of for class.

 Appointment with Dr.. Drew at 3pm. It's a group appointment, and you'd have to talk about yourself in front of everyone. You'd have to speak alone in a group of strangers who- A subtle nudge at your shoulder, caused you to lose your train of thought. Peter was looking at you with a concerned face. "You okay?" He whispered. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, encouraging him to continue. He nodded towards your fingers, which were tapping continuously on the thin wooden table. With another confused glance his way, he began to elaborate. "Are you nervous?" "What?" "You always tap your fingers when you're nervous." "Oh," you stopped your finger movement instantly, "I never noticed." He sent you a sad smile and grabbed your hand, squeezing it lightly in his larger one.

You had only been home for twenty minutes when you heard a knock at your door. Shutting your computer slowly, you took a moment to stretch before heading towards the door. "Hey," he smiled, handing you half a sandwich from Mr. Delmar's. "Hi, Pete. What are you doing here?" "I came by to talk to you, you've been acting so strange for the past few weeks, we haven't hung out in forever and I just wanted to see if you were okay." "I'm fine, Peter. There's no need to worry." He seemed like he didn't believe you, but didn't push at the subject any more. "Come in, Peter." You opened the door wider, allowing him to enter through the small doorway. "I was just starting my English paper, but it can wait." "Go ahead and do it, I've got a few things I have to finish, too." He smiled, following you as you grabbed your computer and walked into your bedroom. He tossed his backpack on your bed, carefully grabbing a few notebooks from inside before laying down slowly. He stretched his arms and legs out far. You heard multiple joints in his arms and legs crack. He ceased his movement, going silent. "What is this?" Freeze. When you turned around and your eyes made contact with the small bottle in his hand, you stiffened, feeling an all too familiar feeling of dread well up in the pit of your stomach. Fight. "That's not mine." "Your name is on it? What are these for?" He looked up at you curiously, frowning slightly when he took notice of your stiff posture. "They're just um.." glancing towards the door, you made a quick decision to make a run for it. Flight. You turned towards the door, but Spidey was far too quick for you. He caught your wrist before you made it out of the room. What did you expect? He's freaking Spider-Man. "What's going on, y/n?" His eyes were glowing with concern, as he tried to figure out why you just tried to run from him. "You can tell me anything." He stated. You sighed, picking up your second bottle of pills from beside your bed. You looked away from him, tapping your foot slightly on the floor. "They're my meds." "Are you sick?" "I guess so." "If you're not ready to talk about it, it's fine. I don't want to pressure you into anything you're not ready for." You shook your head, avoiding eye contact with him. "I want to tell you. I should have told you a while ago, I think." You gathered your thoughts for a moment, appreciating his patience. "Those are my anti-depressants," you started. "And these are for anxiety." You showed him the bottle in your hand. Peter's posture immediately deflated. He had never thought you, the one person who always make him laugh the hardest, his best friend, could be going through something like this without him noticing. "Is this why you've been busy?" "I've been going to counseling. I just got back from an appointment." You nodded slowly, unsure of what else to say. His fingers brushed over the small paper label on the orange bottle. He was very upset with himself for not noticing how you were feeling before today. He felt like he should have known, he wished he had been there for you. "Why didn't you tell me before?" His voice was a mere whisper, just barely loud enough for you to hear. He looked with watery eyes up to meet yours. You suddenly felt all too bare, exposed in front of your best friend. Your hands wrapped tightly against the small item, anxiously tapping on the thin plastic. When you opened your mouth to speak, nothing came out. Your cheeks turned red and you felt your ears burning, the silence was deafening. Peter was waiting patiently for an answer you weren't sure what was. "I don't know," you dropped your head, involuntary tears welling up in your eyes. Peter quickly stood from your bed, walking over to you. You noticed the bottle no longer resting in his palm, he had left it. "I'm sorr-" He cut you off, engulfing you in his arms before you could finish. "You don't have anything to apologize for." "I just didn't want anyone to think of me differently, I just wanted everyone to see me as me, not my mental illnesses." He didn't respond, he only squeezed you harder, nuzzling his head into your neck. "I didn't want anyone to see me just as some depressed girl." You whispered, refusing to let the tears in your eyes fall. "Hey," his rough hands found their way into yours, thumbs rubbing small circles on the backs of your hands. "No one would ever think of you like that. Everyone knows you're smart, and brave, and one of the sweetest people ever. I'd never think any less of you." You just smiled sadly, leaning into him, hoping he was telling the truth.

[canmom]

L'Aventur de Canmom à Annecy - Mercredi 4: WTF 2023

WTF (read 'what the fuck' in a heavy French accent) seems to be a kind of annual collection of weird online shit. Titmouse is involved in some capacity, although I don't think they're necessarily the ones who picked the films. And while I did recognise one selection (umami had a film) most of it was new to me and there were some crazy good ones...

... but most of all the atmosphere of the late night screening was amazing. I got in at the last minute and somehow ended up in a reserved seat for Titmouse, since I guess they didn't show? Which meant I had one of the best views in the house. The theatre was completely packed and full of excitement.

So then this guy comes out in the skintight purple vest and cape and rainbow stockings. The boss of Titmouse comes on stage and picked up one of the paper planes to invite whoever threw it to come and bite a balloon in half (which would have been a better bit if the person actually did it).

Then came the directors of the films, mostly to tell jokes ("there's too much business and not enough fucking at Annecy" declared one director, instructing us to have sex tonight). After these guys... some Gobelins instructors came out to throw shirts into the crowd, people went absolutely nuts for these shirts. Then: films.

Actually a bunch of these are available online so... here, watch along x3

To open we had this stop motion earworm, Du vélo à St-Malo, du kayak à St-Briac. By the second chorus, the audience was singing along. The images are a bit lolrandom but I can't deny it's infectious in its editing.

Next up came the debut of David by Patrick Ward, about a seriously injured footballer confronting his rival framed through the story of David and Goliath. Lots of little visual jokes that made it flow even if the overall thrust of the story remained a little opaque to me.

Umami's Safe Mode was a natural fit; if you've seen an Umami film you know what to expect. Surreal character designs and a guy with a monotone voice. Looking forward to more of this series.

The Rubbings of Trajectories by Cheng-Hsu Chung from Taiwan took things in a rather Adventure Time direction in its drawing style, full of wild perspective shifts and morphing. I was a little too caught up in the visuals to take a lot from the voiceover lol.

Insomnie by Paul Utkay leaned on Stable Diffusion interpolation for its surreal shifting visuals. This was I think the only time, besides the one after this, I've seen AI in the festival, and right now the main use of AI seems to be like this, a visual effect.

Following this came Two Gracious Uncles Smooched To The Beat (currently password locked so I can't embed it) by Jon Dunleavy, a completely frenetic sendup of the whole AI art 事件. Rather than being made by AI it's mostly deliberately janky cgi, rapidfire jokes, and wrong subtitles as an extra layer, which made for a fun watch. The thesis was maybe something like, "this is all a bit silly". As a programming move, putting this right after the AI film was kind of genius.

A Kind of Testament by Stephen Vuillemin was simply fantastic, absolutely the highlight of this collection. The framing device is that a woman stumbles on a website created by another older woman with the same name as her, consisting of incredibly elaborate animations based on her social media photos. As we watch more, we learn more about this mysterious animator, who died shortly after the protagonist contacted her. Ultimately though this framing device is just a vehicle for some really tight imaginatively grotesque shorts that gradually start to connect up more and more. I hesitate to call it ero-guro because it's not exactly ero, but it definitely put me in mind of e.g. shintaro kago. the framing device works just right, linking the shorts and providing a certain frame for interpretation - the animator is terminally ill, so jokes about foot killing parasites and regrets make sense - without being overbearing. honestly just a really great film, the perfect level of enigmatic. i hope i can show more than the trailer some day.

Internet Gaga by Reinhild Bidner slammed into a much faster pace, a pastiche of Radio Gaga by Queen with the music video consisting mainly of cutout animation and AI deepfake animation of memes. Two minutes was about the right length for this lol. But yeah, haha, the internet, what a mess amirite

Todo está perdido by Carla Pereira Docampo and Juan Francisco Jacinto Prados was a fascinating oddity though. Stop motion, with these wildly distorted models - built in forwards or backwards slants and birdlike eyes. The story concerns a suburban nuclear family where the mother lays eggs, which they mostly eat, but decide to fertilise one one day, resulting in a baby with a wrinkled head hatching. The B plot concerns their other child who gets a rat inside her skin by accident during surgery. As you can imagine it went for the squick reactions. I can't find an online video of this one but here's a previous project by the same directors.

From this point on things got pretty wild. First up we had Uncle Babysitter 2 by Tung Yin Ng aka Tungwood.

as far as toilet humour goes? This was actually great, just relentless gleeful escalation. I got to chat a bit with Tungwood and his friends after the films, and funnily enough he was very shy and would run up to people saying 'souvenir' and give them a card for the film. It was very funny talking to a group of animators, which in my eyes is like the peak of the world's professions, and have them act impressed when i say I'm a game dev.

Anyway, this was a really fun short about a baby's adventure inside a man's stomach as the man desperately tries to pull him out. The breakneck editing really makes the stupid jokes work, it's kinda Imaishi in that way.

Granny X by DD Sheahan relaxed the pace only barely, telling the story of an old lady in a nursing home having a vivid lesbian fantasy that in the waking world leads to her careening around strangling nurses and stuff. It was fun visually, although the humour seemed generally a little meaner.

Monsterfuckers by the Tohu Animation Collective led by Ori Goldberg was something like a multi animator project with loops contributed by different animators around the vague prompt of monsters having sex. So this one's like, straight up porn but weird porn so it gets to be in here lol. The editing to the music was tight and many of the clips were really creative - but no sign of it online as yet so I can't show you.

We were really on a roll at this point. The final part was the music video for Cool Party by Simon Medard for a band called Cocaine Piss, which pushed the jank factor to maximum. It didn't do a lot for me but it kept the energy going. After that we spilled out onto the lawn outside Bonlieu and everyone gathered in small groups. Not really wanting to just walk away, I inserted myself into conversations here and there, said some nice things to the showrunner, met Tungwood... and then at last time to go home, packed on the last bus like sardines.

Honestly, even if it could have been a little weirder to be truly 'what the fuck', this event was a blast. I mean you know how much I like this kind of thing lmao.

As for Thursday... haha god it's 2am. I'll write about it tomorrow... or maybe on Saturday... but the very short version is that I saw Art College 1994 (solid, donghua with a realist style and richard linklater energy), Kensuke's Kingdom (impressively elaborate adaptation of a Michael Morpurgo story, had a bit of an Iron Giant feel visually), White Plastic Sky (a very compelling scifi dystopian drama from Hungary in a rotoscoped style similar to A Scanner Darkly), stood in line for two hours for Mars Express and still didn't get in, watched a bit of Perspectives block 1 (mostly bad, it's the block for serious social issues rather than compelling storytelling) and then tried Graduation Films 3 (sadly could not live up to Graduation Films 2). So a bit of an unfortunate end to the day but that's how it be sometimes...

Tomorrow I've got another packed day so I'm gonna end up really behind on these writeups but stand by lol. Annecy is amazing, I don't want it to end...

[nicegoodgolden-blog]

All the One Direction asks :) xx

Oh my gosh. Im about to bore everyone e to sleep. (Tagging you, @petalsharry, because you sent me in a few too!) Here we gooooo…

What Makes You Beautiful: Name three things you love about yourself.My kids(they’re part of me)…honestly, that’s it…

Gotta Be You: Talk about your crush!Crush…hmm…so besides hubs, I’m gonna go with my man Niall Horan this time. WHAT A BABE��amiright?!

One Thing: What’s one thing your dream girl/boy HAS to have?A good heart

More Than This: What’s the bravest thing you ever did?Given birth…lol, I really don’t know…

Up All Night: Talk about the craziest night of your life.Probably the night in 11th grade when I got so drunk and started throwing up so hard that I lost my shoe somehow & partied with one shoe on for the rest of the night.

I Wish: What’s your biggest dream?I’d love to be a singer

Tell Me A Lie: What was your most recent lie?I told my son that if he ate his dinner he’d get a surprise…I am not above bribery.

Taken: Talk about your last relationship.I’ve only had one relationship really…and I married him, God help him

I Want: Name three things you want in lifeGood music forever, for people to love one another, for my children to grow up happy

Everything About You: Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?Harry Styles, for this question lol

Same Mistakes: What’s your most common mistake?I stay up too late

Save You Tonight: Which three things would you save if there was a fire?Things? Computer bc it has so many important photos on it, my kids old baby blankets, clothes for my kids

Stole My Heart: Have you ever fallen for someone you shouldn’t have fallen for?Boy, have I…

Stand Up: What’s your favourite sport?Basketball

Moments: Talk about something good that recently happened to you.I got to go grocery shopping all by myself without the hubs or kids & it was so relaxing

Another World: Which fictional world would you want to live in if you could?I just wanna go to Hogwarts

Na Na Na: What’s one thing you can never say no to?Fried chicken

I Should Have Kissed You: Is there something you regret?Im about to sound so cliche…but no. I really do t regret a thing. Everything I’ve done had gotten me where I am, and I like where I am

Live While We’re Young: Talk about a childhood memory.My fav is probably spending so much time with my Nana when I was younger

Kiss You: Tell the story of your first kiss.I was 15/16, I finally convinced my older crush (who liked me too) to come to the party my friend & I had while her parents were out of town…we ended up sitting on the front porch talking about life until like 6am…I walked him out to his truck as he left & he leaned in and it just kind of happened. It was both terrible & wonderful at the same time

Little Things: Name five things you find attractive in others.Intelligence, a good heart, sense of humor, musical talent is always nice, good hair

C'Mon, C'Mon: What’s your dream destination for a good vacation?Ireland

Last First Kiss: Do you want to get married? If so, talk about your dream wedding.I am…my wedding was my dream wedding lol

Heart Attack: Are you jealous?Nah

Rock Me: List your ten favourite bands.Bands? One Direction, Jonas Brothers, Kings of Leon, Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, The Eagles

Change My Mind: Are you good at making final decisions or do you easily change your mind?I really don’t know…I’m really indecisive at first, but once I actually make a decision, I’m stuck with it

I Would: Name three guilty pleasures of yours.I hide some of my kids candy that they get from their grandmas house & eat it myself, I hide honeybuns so that I’ll have a stash when my husband thinks he’s eaten them all, sometimes I act like I have a bad headache so that my husband will pick up dinner on his way home from work so I don’t have to cook…in conclusion, I’m a fatass

Over Again: Talk about your first love.First love…idk if it was love…maybe it was. He was my first kiss. A wonderful guy that “got away.” He actually live a few houses down from me with his gf, lol. Damn tiny towns.

Back For You: Talk about your best friend.I miss her.

They Don’t Know About Us: Share a secret!I hate my husbands mustache

Summer Love: Talk about a summer memory.I spent a week in a beach house with my bff when I was 16/17…a good fuckin week, man

She’s Not Afraid: What’s your favourite horror film?Probably The Strangers……..“because you were home”

Loved You First: Are you a possessive person?Not too bad

Nobody Compares: Who’s your idol?No idol…but I really admire Harry Styles, wonderful human being

Still The One: What’s one thing you can’t seem to get over?RICHONNE ON TWD LIEK BITH I WAITED 5EVER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN AND IT FINALLY DID AND ILL NEVER GET OVER IT

Best Song Ever: List your ten favourite songs.Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley, Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones, all of MITAM (counts as the rest of the 10) lmao

Story Of My Life: List five things you can’t live without.Air, food, water, blood, food

Diana: What would you name your children?I’m not gonna give out my kids’ names…but if I ever have anymore, I love the names: Blythe Opal, Heslin James, Thea Rose, & Noah Silas

Midnight Memories: Talk about a dream you recently had.Last night I dreamt that Harry Styles was never a real person & he was a figment of our imaginations 🙃

You & I: Talk about your OTP.OTP within the fandom: Sophiam, I just loved them…I do love Chiam too, but Sophiam was just…wowOutside the fandom: Jack Dawson & Rose DeWitt Bukater…don’t make me elaborate because id be here typing for 8000 years

Don’t Forget Where You Belong: Where do you feel home?Anywhere that I get a certain vibe

Strong: What are your three best qualities?Um, motherhood is my best quality…my kids make me who I am. I don’t know about the other two, really…I mean, I can drink a 2liter of Dr. Pepper in one sitting & polish off a box of honeybuns in less than 24hrs…do those count?

Happily: Name three things that make you happy.My family, good music, people being nice

Right Now: Do you miss someone at the moment?Nah

Little Black Dress: How would you describe your style?Hobo-chic

Through The Dark: What helps you when you’re feeling down?My kids & music

Something Great: Where do you see yourself in ten years?Mommin’ it tf up

Little White Lies: Talk about your #1 sexual fantasy.Any sex that doesn’t involve trying to hurry before the kids bust through the door 💀

Better Than Words: Do you read fanfiction? If so, what’s your favourite fanfiction?Not a lot

Why Don’t We Go There?: Which big cities have you been to?Vegas, Houston, NOLA

Does He Know?: Would you be up for a threesome?No thanks

Alive: What’s one thing you’d never tell your “real life” friends?I really don’t know lol

Half A Heart: What’s your favourite lovestory? ( Book, film, etc. )Titanic

Steal My Girl: Did you ever steal anything?Once even I was 4 I stole Reese’s cups from the store & my mom made me go back in & apologize

Ready To Run: If you could have one super power, which would you choose?I’d fly

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?: Talk about the best concert you ever attented.Jonas Bros WYLMITE Tour. 4th row. Nick pointed & winked at me. I haven’t been the same since.

18: Do you wish you were younger or older?I’m good where I am

Girl Almighty: What makes you sexy?Lmao nuthin

Fool’s Gold: Do you fall for people quickly?I used to, yeah. I’m still quick to be infatuated though. I get attached to things/people easily

Night Changes: What’s one thing you don’t ever want to change?Good question…

No Control: Can you control your temper ?Most of the time

Fireproof: What scares you?Nothing, I’m fearless…kidding. Everything.

Spaces: Did you ever let someone go for good?Yes

Stockholm Syndrome: Name five kinks of yours.All I know is I like my hair pulled & my ass grabbed tight. Hollaaaaa

Clouds: What’s your star sign? Does your personality match it?I’m an Aquarius…is that the same as a star sign? Lmao idk

Change Your Ticket: What would you do with a million dollars?A lot of cool shit

Illusion: Do you believe in higher powers?I believe in God

Once In A Lifetime: What’s three things you want to do before you die?Meet Harry StylesHug Harry StylesMeet Harry Styles

Act My Age: Do you consider yourself mature?Sometimes…old soul, young heart

Just Can’t Let Her Go: Name five turn ons.Just be nice lmao & like good music

Phewwww…thanks babes xx