#ill delete this later most likely

[bi-the-wei]

Random thoughts about my weight

Im a heavier gal. (Full disclosure about 240lb currently) I am working on getting more vegetables and exercise in my life, but for the foreseeable future Im still gonna be a heavier gal.

Im gonna look heavy no matter what i wear.

So im gonna wear what i like. Hiding my arms doesn't make them look thinner

This is something ive lived by for the past few years and honestly, while its hard at first to fight the instinct to hide my arms or legs or whatever, once you stop it feels so much better.

Also i still have the instinct to explain why im heavy, like that makes a difference if ive had health issues or some "reasonable explination" makes it more excusable to be the weight i am when in reality no one should ever have to explain themselves for something like that. Regardless of the reason im fat, I deserve basic human respect without excuses.

Which brings me to the fat positivity thing. To me it's never been about wanting to be fat or fat being healthy or unhealthy or whatever. Its about it doesnt matter if you're healthy or not you still deserve to be treated well and with dignity.

I remember my friends laughing at a girl who rode her bike in our neighborhood all the time because "youd think shed be skinnier with all that biking" which is just utter nonsense. I didnt speak up then when i should have but i still think about it often. The girl wasnt even big. I have no idea what their problem was.

But how do you expect someone to even get exercise when theyre larger when you laugh at them when they try? Make it make sense it doesn't

Just like idk

Let people live? And leave them alone? Treat people with basic respect?

I dont generally feel any particular WAY about my weight, its just there, but sometimes i do concider it and get mad on my blubber belly's behalf.

[sophiethewitch1]

far distant and incredibly vague spoilers for www but putting it under the cut anyways

realising for some reason that at some point in all 3 wips im currently working on you get imprisoned. i would say i dont know what that says about me but i do i really do know what it says

[asterroses]

having such a odd time in my brain :/

[telesodalite]

Another rambling thought, sort of stemming from the last thing, but what if Misfire gets so upset about Krok believing he's contacting his old squad, and pretending or implying that they're still alive, because he's harboring some sort of repressed grief over Thundersaur?

Thundersaur's dying request being to free Flyhigh before he ends up in jail for a dozen counts of "accidental" murder implies a certain kind of closeness or something felt towards Misfire. Yet, we don't really see anything returned from Misfire's side? Outside of the "-You're just jealous because you've never had someone look out for you." comment he makes in response to Spinister's disbelief towards him being the type to end up on someone's "dying wish list".

So, there's that. What can be gleaned from just that? Not much ig, at least nothing concrete. But taking into account Misfire's relationship with Grimlock, and Grimlock's later view of Connie, perhaps something can be assumed about his relationship with Thundersaur.

Whether I'm reading into it too much or not, there is a theme of a sometimes rough but well intended trickle down kindness when it comes to the Scavengers and their story.

A favor or act of kindness is shown to one, and they return it back or onto another, sometimes unintentionally. There's emphasized acts of selflessness with them, even though we know them to be quite selfish, which, really only emphasizes those moments more. If they were written as less of a joking break between the drama of the Lost Light cast, perhaps this theme would've played a deeper more defined role. But anyways, my subjective character favoritism aside.

The point here is Misfire cared for Grimlock, and in turn, Grimlock chooses to care for Connie because it's "his turn" to look after someone. One act of empathy leads to another. There's a time to decide when it's your turn.

So it's possible it goes further back because of that. Thundersaur cared for Misfire, then it was Misfire's "turn" and he cared for Grimlock, and Grimlock cared for Connie.

So why doesn't Misfire say or mention anything about Thundersaur? Grimlock cares a lot for Misfire, wouldn't Misfire have cared a lot for Thundersaur?

Well, in a way, there's a possible answer for that. Misfire is shown to be uncomfortable when faced with admitting he cares for people, or needs people. He's uncomfortable with vulnerability. He gets defensive and snappy when pressed about it, or he deflects it away from himself, which is somewhat of a stark change to his more casual dramatics and honest friendliness. So he doesn't like talking about how he feels, how he really feels.

But he also admits to Grimlock he understands missing the people you cared about. He admits this in connection to Grimlock recalling the last time he was with his "Dino-Buddies", just before Grimlock was taken to Garrus 9. Misfire "gets it", even though it's hard, he gets it.

With all that possibly pointless evidence, we can guess that yeah, Misfire did care for Thundersaur. It's just that he, like the rest of the Scavengers, has his own repressed and poorly managed issues relating to his past and his own negative emotions.

Also, the death thing. He's real casual about dead stuff. He exsanguinates and cannibalizes corpses as a job/hobby, and enjoys it. There's an implied acceptance that he's okay with the fact that the Scavs will eat each other as soon as someone happens to keel over, which includes him also being dead and eaten. He's cool with that, ig. Or at least, he's cool with eating the others if the situation presents itself.

So he's got a weird relationship with life and death. When you're alive, you're a friend. When you're dead? Well, it's not really you anymore, is it? It's not someone you care about anymore, it's just a corpse, not a person, it's just resources in an empty vessel, not a friend. Nothing worth getting emotional or upset about. Perfect for being comfortably detached.

Because this is getting way too long tho, here's the point I'm trying to get to.

Why does Misfire lose his shit a little when Krok starts panicking and trying to call for his squad? Here's my theory, I guess.

Thundersaur is dead. He died, and he's gone, and Misfire knows this. He wasn't there. He didn't get to say goodbye. He didn't get to return the favor or repay the debt. He didn't get to show Thundersaur that he cared for others too, that he passed that on.

But while he accepts it, he doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to dwell on it, doesn't want to acknowledge that he misses Thundersaur. He's dead, he's gone. So it doesn't matter. Misfire can't need him anymore, and he doesn't want to admit he needs anyone anymore, because someone he relied on is dead, and he wasn't there for them to rely on in turn.

So he doesn't think about it. But Krok does. Krok thinks about it, and talks about it, and still admits to needing his dead. Even if he won't acknowledge the fact that they're dead, and gone, and never coming back, no matter how much he wants or needs them anymore.

And it feels unfair, and Krok keeps unintentionally poking at that repressed grief Misfire won't touch. A reminder with every click of that dismembered finger, that you can't always just will away the grief of loss, of death. There's going to be reminders everywhere. Even close to you. And so, faced with reminder after reminder, the repression breaks, and Misfire snaps because-

They're all dead.

Krok's squad is dead. Thundersaur is dead. Why can't they accept that and just move on to never talking about it, never mentioning it, never thinking about it again?

Because, in their own ways, neither of them have ever truly moved on.

[saifuckr]

feels like ive been seeing a disproportionate amount of posts criticizing people who dislike children and im just here to say that this is a child hate accepting blog. this is a child hate safe zone. theyre fucking annoying hit post

[twipsai]

the usamerican is talking about usa stuff again

[mypeggableromance]

.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

It occurs to me. Should we make a name for me? I haven't thought of what name people would call me on here (and for the sake of the bit, I'm not wanting to use my main's name. It doesn't fit the theme)

I don't know, what do you all call me?

(I'm very okay with silly suggestions)

[mihai-florescu]

The thing about being a bitch and a hater is that you need to be charismatic about it for people to still like you somehow. And most importantly you need to be a poor little meow meow people will want to help see win.

[in-stitchesx]

I literally love tone matching people and then them getting mad at me for "yelling"

Girl if you're quiet I'll be quiet too I'll even whisper for you

You gon be loud? I'm gonna right back at you

This post was sponsored by angry customers + me dancing my way out of the store to go on my break after snapping at a customer in front of a line

[tronlightcyclerun]

hi third time ive logged into here today im experiencing some cocomelon shit . in london again . why do big cities make me feel like im being hunted for sport

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[aemondstark]

personal

i thought visting my mom would make me feel more at ease because i'd be able to talk with her, it absolutely did not. i was not prepared for the state she was in at all, i knew she would be weak but the doctors did not at all explain the kind of condition she is in. i was expecting to have a conversation and lunch with her, when i got there she wasn't awake or very responsive at all. she hasn't been eating or walking. she can't get up to use the bathroom, even with help, because she just isnt conscious or strong enough. she can hardly lift her arms or legs. they aren't giving her any medication that would cause her to be so tired or sedated. she couldn't keep her eyes open and if she did try to speak it was just mumbles. even if i squeezed her hand or tapped her leg, she wouldn't respond at all. i feel heart broken. no one told me any of these beforehand.

my fiance is leaving first thing tomorrow morning for a 3 week work trip that he has to go on so i am going to be all alone. i don't really have any close family or friends. i feel extremely guilty because i won't be able to visit her until next saturday/ sunday because of work. i don't want her to suffer or be alone through all this. i don't think she is strong enough to come back from this. i feel scared and desolate

[holedyke]

of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

[09lover]

my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined