#ill clean this up later. maybe. lets go gays | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeybeebabeblr · 1 year ago

Text

I really like this interpretation and want to push it a bit further in how we also must factor in rank and privilege and their effects. Angel Crowley clearly had a high rank. He may have never had to face discipline until he crossed a line. Perhaps it wouldn’t even occur to him he would be subject to it. Likely didn’t even know there was a line to cross.

Aziraphale is already anxious. It could be a personality quirk, but seeing how it’s the same anxiety he experiences later when facing superiors, he’s faced some sort of correction or discipline or even just dismissiveness. As someone lower ranked, he’s not able to push boundaries as someone near the apex of an organization.

And we see it later too- Gabriel has no problem saying naaah, no thanks fam. He’s got a back up plan already. He and Beelzebub don’t have layers of authority above them. Muriel is far lower ranked than aziraphale. She’s eager for any scrap of attention and terrified of putting a toe out of line where Aziraphale pushes a bit; he has some privilege of rank Muriel doesn’t enjoy. Crowley is the ceo getting paid to golf and have lunch on the company dime with no repercussions and loads of paid vacation and stock options and maybe some under-the-table dealings all the other CEOs get.?Aziraphale is the shift manager who maybe gets a salary and 3 paid sick days a year and a little wiggle room if he’s late from a lunch break but is in trouble by setting a toe out of line. Muriel’s break is 15 min, unpaid, wither her job on the line if her apron is crooked or she’s 5 min late. She can’t ever be ill.?

Where this circles back as your parallel to the queer experience-

Angel Crowley appears to have a lot of freedom and power at call. If he’s himself, he’s not really going to be questioned. He’s able to develop a sense of self without too many authority figures breathing over his shoulder, telling him to watch-it. He can just be himself. He’s the kid growing up in the liberal city with queer afterschool hang-outs and a pride parade whose parents don’t care how he identifies and don’t cut off his money but get pissed if he’s not clean cut and ready to take on his daddy’s business. He faces dismissal when he wants to change things or do things a different way but not by what he is.

Aziraphale and the lower ranked angels don’t have that freedom. They can’t be themselves because someone’s going to come down on them hard. Aziraphale is the kid in little two bedroom house in a very conservative area with conservative religious parents who would disown him and throw him in the street and cut him off from an entire support community if he grew his hair long, let alone acted flamboyantly gay. The whole county would turn their backs on him and certainly no authority figures would help. And they’d watch over his every move, anything he watches, any music he listens to, anything he might do that didn’t seem red-blooded straight. He was probably homeschooled using the most conservative material out there. If Muriel was his sister, she wouldn’t even get educated beyond her early teens and not allowed anything but an ankle length skirt.

Aziraphale and Muriel are facing much more weight from early-on so they are very very careful on what parts of their real selves they allow. Angel Crowley wouldn’t have to do that.,

But If you are used to this sort of freedom, you’re first ‘no’ is going to hit harder than someone who’s every movement is watched. Crowley is almost petulant. It doesn’t even occur to him to be told no. His whiplash from going from CEO to mailroom-clerk must have been shocking.

And after that, crowley’s not going to let anyone stuff him in a box. He’ll do the minimum and be himself.

Aziraphale didn’t even KNOW he was in the box until he started learning about shades of grey from Crowley.

I Forgive You: Queerness in Oppressive Systems

"How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?"

There are a million ways to read Aziraphale's and Crowley's relationship and choices and I love them all, but one that struck me forcefully was the idea of different reactions to being queer in an oppressive (religious) system. The two of them are such different people (not people) from the start, and their different experiences of Heaven and Hell are entirely the consequences of their different personalities.

First let's look at Crowley. A happier angel you never did meet. His joy and absolute adorableness in Before the Beginning was one of the sweetest moment in the whole season for me, out of so many sweet moments. He is utterly himself, and can't imagine the idea that he should hide any part of his identity. He is odd, unusual, asks damn fool questions - and he can't see what's wrong with that. Just like a queer kid who grows up in a religious system and behaves outside of gender norms before realising that was something they weren't supposed to do, he can't imagine getting into trouble for his difference. And just like too many queer kids who can't/don't hide their difference, he gets kicked out of his home and abandoned.

Now, Aziraphale. He is a lot closer to Angel Behaviour TM, but it's clear that's because he understands there IS an expected behaviour, there IS a way he's supposed to act and think. He falls for Crowley, and is made to think about the questions Crowley is asking in a way that steps outside Angel Behaviour TM. But he instinctively understands how dangerous that is. He tries to pass that knowledge onto Crowley, to protect him. As he smushes himself into the Angel box, he ties himself into knots ensuring that he fits perfectly into the system around him, which he has identified as Good and Right and therefore anything different about himself would be Bad and Wrong. Much like a queer person trying to exist under an oppressive religious system, he has repressed those parts of himself that don't fit, and tried to sand off the corners and fit himself into the prescribed shape.

Carrying this analogy through time, the Crowley we meet in the present day has already been abandoned, which allows him to see the system that left him more clearly. But he has never understood Aziraphale's perspective, because he never tried to change who he was for any system - not Heaven and not Hell. Though he does now understand that he has to hide certain parts of himself to survive - thus his constant refrain of “I’m not kind”. Clearly a necessary concealment, given what happens at the end of the Edinburgh minisode.

Throughout most of the flashbacks and even most of season 1, Aziraphale is still trying to smush himself into the shape of an Angel TM, and is terrified of stepping outside of it. He does learn that he can push the borders, that he can maybe stick a toe out here and there, that he can even fully step outside it for a moment as long as he doesn’t get caught (ie Job). But what he never really learns or at least never really believes, despite a mountain of evidence, is that Heaven is not synonymous with Good and Right.

We can see it with Job, where Aziraphale is jumping through a million mental hoops to pretend to himself he is still doing the will of God even though he has been expressly told and seen evidence that God’s actual will is something Aziraphale would consider ‘wrong’. In Edinburgh he drops a heck of a lot of "ineffable"s trying to convince himself and Crowley that the heavenly system as it exists is just and right.

And throughout season 2 but especially at the end, he clearly still feels that some Angels might not be Right and Good, but Heaven is Right and Good, and if only the right Angel is in charge of it, it can return to its core essence.

He still believes that Heaven is inherently Good, and so he is still trying to fit himself into a system that would reject him if it really knew him.

And all that is where “I forgive you” comes from for me - or at least that is one of the interpretations that makes sense to me. That basically because he's still so determined to fit into that Angel Shape TM, still so determined to be what Heaven says is right, that he is forgiving Crowley for challenging that, for making him want something else for a moment, for making it harder for him to repress those parts of himself that are different and, in his/Heaven's view, wrong.

And that is why Season 3 must end with Aziraphale realising that Heaven is not Good TM and with the takedown of the Celestial system itself. Yes apparently I end all of my metas with this now.

#Crowley #aziraphale #meta

510 notes · View notes

llocallesbian · 4 years ago

Text

line without a hook | K.S

part three

“Kathy’s staying with you?” Elliot’s voice boomed behind you, making you flinch slightly which lead to you spilling the coffee you were pouring into your cup.

“Yeah she is.” You sighed, putting the coffee cup back on the pot. You grabbed some napkins, cleaning up the small spill.

“Why didn’t you tell me when she first came to you?” You huffed, turning to look at him. You noticed Olivia standing behind him and you figured she told him that Kathy was staying with you. Why wouldn’t she tell him?

“She asked me not to, Elliot. Now if you’ll excuse me..” You grabbed your styrofoam cup and began walking back to your desk, in front of Fin’s, when you heard him chuckle.

“So what? Your loyalty lies with her? You know that’s real-”

“The hell are you talking about loyalty for? This has absolutely nothing to do with loyalty. She needed a place to stay-”

”-You could’ve said no!”

“Why would I say no, Elliot? Kathy is one of my best friends.” He shook his head as he paced back and fourth, his hands clenching in anger. “Don’t go taking your anger out on me because I didn’t do shit.” Olivia grabbed Elliot, gently pulling him into the other room once she saw you getting angry too.

“Something I should know about?” Cragen’s voice came from behind you as you took a seat. Your jaw clenched tightly as you shook your head, not turning your head to look his way. “Alright well, we got a Jane doe at Mercy. You and Fin, go check it out.” You nodded, grabbing your jacket and to-go coffee cup, walking out the room before he could try and talk to you.

“What’s up with you and stabler?” Fin finally broke the silence between the two of you as you began to drive to the hospital. You glanced at him quickly before focusing your view onto the road.

“He’s got problems with Kathy. You know how he gets.” He nodded, completely understanding how heated Elliot could get over little things.

“Well if you need me to kick his ass, straighten him out a little bit, let me know.” You laughed, shaking your head at your partner. You sighed softly, stopping at the red light.

“Can I tell you something, Fin?” You looked over at him, “No one else can know and I mean absolutely no one.” He rose a brow, leaning back in the seat.

“Since when have I ever told someone something you told me in private, Y/n?” You shook your head, glancing at the light to make sure it was still red.

“Never but this,” you sighed, a knot in your stomach began forming just thinking about it. “This thing is bad. It’s so bad. I could lose people over this, Fin.”

“What? You kill someone or something?” Although it was a joke, there was some seriousness laced in his voice. You were usually never this serious with him.

“Kathy kissed me.” The light turned green and you slowly pressed your foot on the gas. “She had suspected Liv and Elliot having an affair, I was comforting her and she kissed me.” You paused for a second, taking in a breath as you felt the weight come off your shoulders. “I stopped it because she was hurting, she wasn’t in the right state of mind but I can’t...” You trailed off and he sighed softly.

“You can’t stop thinking about it?” He finished for you, you nodded and he chuckled. “And now she’s staying with you?”

“I couldn’t tell her no, Fin.” You made a left turn, sparing him a small glance. “I wouldn’t tell her no. She’s my best friend.”

“What about me?”

“Fin, shut up.” You smiled, running a hand through your head. “There’s no awkward tension between us, everything just flows but this is Elliot’s wife. Or ex wife when the papers get finalized. This is bad. Elliot is....” You trailed off for a split second, “he’s family. You guys are my family. But now I like Elliot’s wife.”

“Their marriage is over, Y/n. You didn’t end their marriage, you’re not sleeping with her while she’s married. You’re not doing anything wrong. You can’t control your feelings. It’s a crush, it’ll pass.”

“And if it doesn’t.” You pulled into a parking space across the street from the hospital, taking the key out of the ignition.

“If it doesn’t, then you act then.” He shrugged as if it were that simple. “Maybe it was just a one time thing, you know? You worry to much.” With that he got out of the car and you rolled your eyes.

“Some best friend you are.” You muttered before getting out of the car yourself.

“I’m home, Kathy.” You called out as you stepped into your apartment, closing the door behind you. You huffed lowly, pulling your jacket off and throwing it onto the sofa along with your bag.

“Hey, how was work?” She came from around the corner where the kitchen was.

“It was fine, we caught a case an...” You trailed off as you noticed what she was wearing. Your Harvard sweatshirt. “Is that my sweatshirt?” Kathy glanced down at herself and smiled as she nodded.

“Yeah it was cold...is that okay?” You nodded quickly, snapping out of your thoughts. You could feel your face heating up so you coughed slightly to cover it up.

“Yeah yeah, it’s fine.” You stumbled over your words for a moment before inhaling deeply. “I’m going to go take a shower and then we can order in? Unless you already ate?” She shook her head, leaning against the wall while crossing her legs as she observed you.

“I’ll order the food while you take a shower. Pizza, okay?” You nodded, not trusting your voice, as your feet began moving forward towards your bedroom.

20 minutes later you emerged from the bathroom, a pair of black and white plaid pajamas hung from your hips, clinging to your thighs paired with a white tank top that left little to the imagination. You hair was pulled back into a bun, not wanting it to get wet, although a few pieces that framed your face were curled slightly.

“Hey, food should be here soon.” Kathy rounded called out from living room and you nodded even though she couldn’t see you. Walking towards the kitchen, you went into the fridge.

“You want a beer or something?” She called out a yeah and you grabbed her a beer and yourself strawberry daiquiri seagrams before going into the living room with Kathy. You flopped onto the sofa next to her, handing her the beer before taking a long swig of your drink. Kathy’s eyes trailed your body, landing on your boobs. She mentally smacked herself for having the mind of a 13 year old boy. “You have a good day?”

Her eyes snapped back onto your face quickly as she nodded, a small smile going onto her lips. “Yeah, saw the kids today. They say hi, by the way.” You smiled widely, turning your head to look at her.

“They can come over anytime they want Kathy, you know I love those kids as if they were my own.” She nodded, playing with the top of the beer bottle. “You miss them?”

“Yeah.” She whispered, nodding and you reached out, grabbing her hand with hesitation.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You muttered softly and she squeezed your hand, letting her head rest there. Your head laid back against the cushion but never turned to look away from Kathy.

“You’re good to me, y/n.” She whispered, letting her head drop to the cushion too, never taking her eyes off you. Her hand had yet to move off of yours. You could slowly see her leaning in and in your head you were contemplating on whether or not to kiss her. Everything, and i mean everything, was screaming no. To not kiss her but you heart? You heart was saying to go for it. Her face was close to yours, so close that you could practically feel her breath on your face.

“Kathy, we can’t.” You whispered, her forehead came into contact with yours, resting against it.

“Why can’t we?” You breathing hitched as you began to think for answers to her questions. There were a million answers to her question but none of them seemed important.

“You’re in vulnerable pla-”

“I’m fine, now.”

“You’re Elliot’s-”

“Don’t think about him, think about me. Do you want me?”

“Kathy.” It was meant to sound like a protest but it was a small whisper, you wanted this. You could feel yourself leaning in and her lips hovered above yours. The loud knocked against your front door made you jump back, quite literally. You breathed out sharply, sparing a glance at the blonde. “Uh that’s pizza!” You quickly grabbed your wallet, walking to get the pizza.

“Just great.” Kathy muttered before taking a big gulp of her beer. She was going to need it to get through this night.

OKAY SO ITS NOT EDITED. ill edit or something in the morning. remember to take care of y’all self. oh and stay gay😌

#kathy stabler #kathy stabler x reader #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu x reader #law and order svu imagines #line without a hook

81 notes · View notes

janekfan · 4 years ago

Note

ooooh..... difficult anniversary and/or you’re not human anymore bingo prompts for jarchivist obliteration?

AAAA This took so long! I am SO SORRY!!! <3 <3 <3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31123295

Jon was used to hurting.

Used to hiding.

Which is why he didn’t notice. Didn’t understand what was happening to him and more importantly why.

A panic attack here. A bad day there. A cold, maybe? Until the scars on his skin from the worms and the corkscrew and the scratching woke one day as though they were fresh and new. His skin crawled, the slightest touch filled him with revulsion and, lord, he had to keep it together because Martin would almost certainly overreact and Jon hated, hated to be the source of his worry.

So he would ignore it as usual.

Whatever it was would pass. And he could avoid being the center of attention for this thing that was out of their control. He’d read the Lord of the Rings. He knew about the less romantic side of anniversaries. What was one more thing for him to overcome?

It didn’t stop them from hurting like the day they were drawn on his body and while the rents in his skin looked the same as they ever did, he nearly bloodied himself after a particularly wretched nightmare with his frenzied clawing.

And it passed. The burning, bleeding, boring sensations disappeared and Martin hadn’t suspected a thing. Okay, that was a lie. But he seemed mollified enough when Jon wrote it off as a tough week at university.

“I’m just tired, habibi.” He forced himself to reach for Martin’s hands, sighing in gusty relief when everything was normal and allowing himself to get wrapped up in warm arms.

The mark left behind by the Distortion ached deep and throbbing and somehow also elsewhere. It was a phantom pain traveling the myriad corridors of his veins, his arteries, his nerves and when he couldn’t rid himself of it in any conventional way, he waited. It would pass. It would. Just like the last one. This was just pain. He knew pain. Was fast friends with it by now and this was nothing like his worst days.

“Jon-darling?”

“Mm?” He was flipping through the pages in a book, not too fast, not too slow, not really reading anything, trying to pretend that everything was normal when his foot cramped up like he’d been bitten. He was practiced now in not looking; there wouldn’t be anything there anyway. His skin might as well have been a great big door and the only way through to the other side didn’t involve knocking.

“You look pale.” Ah. Well. Pain like this would do that to a man.

“Just a little sore today, love.” It wasn’t a lie. Jon set the book aside, not bothering to mark whatever random page he’d landed on, and threaded their fingers together.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you talk me into carrying the shopping.”

“What are you talking about? I always help carry the shopping.” Despite his chronic conditions, Jon pulled his own weight.

No, stop. Of course you do and you have nothing to prove, especially not to Martin of all people.

“You’ve been run down.”

“I have not!” Martin fixed him with a stern look and he cowed under his scrutiny. “Perhaps a bit, but you know how these things go.”

“I do. And I can’t help but feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me.” Here it was. Martin’s overture, his olive branch. His invitation to come clean and tell the truth and avoid his wrath when he found out later. But Jon never was a quick learner of these social lessons.

“I’m fine, hayati.” Jon soothed, tipping Martin into his newly throbbing shoulder. “I’m fine.”

The next three hit him like a lorry, nearly as hard as they had a year ago and nearly all at once.

His burn scar, just like the worm scars, felt blistered as badly as the day he’d taken Jude’s hand, and he shook violently at the onset of it, thankful he was squirreled away in his office at the University and not crying into Martin’s shirt even if that’s where he’d prefer to be but Martin hates burns.

Hates how they look, how twisted and ugly they become when they scar.

Burns made him upset. Burns made him sick.

He hates them. Hates them. And while Jon was reasonably sure Martin would never turn him away when he was hurting like this, the fluttering undercurrent chanting what if wouldn’t leave him be.

So Instead he sniffled away in the dark, wrist pressed between his knees in a vain attempt to stop the shaking while he tried to remember how to breathe.

It was dark when he slipped into bed beside Martin, dead asleep after a run of night shifts. For a frantic moment Jon wanted to shake him awake, beg for reasurances, for relief, but it would ruin this. Martin looked so peaceful, face relaxed in repose, cheek soft when Jon pressed his trembling lips there.

“Jon... ?” Washing out on a swirling tide his voice was fuzzy, thick with exhaustion, and the hand that brushed the small of his back lingered only for the time it took for him to drift back under. No. He’d wrought enough damage here. Better for Martin to rest without worry. He shouldn’t have to deal with Jon and his problems. Especially when they would be arriving like clockwork for the rest of his life. Jon pressed himself against Martin’s warmth, trying to soak it up, stop the shivering. How could he be so frozen when his whole right arm was engulfed in flame? Silent, he let the tears come, closing his eyes against a burgeoning dizziness he knew would only grow worse.

Be quiet. Just be quiet. Don’t disturb him, you mustn’t. You’ve nothing else to give except more burdens that aren’t his to carry.

The ceiling was spinning so fast above him; lights, cast shadows, cabinets whirling, reeling, spiraling so much he’d be sick with it any minute. The vibrations from Martin’s pounding footsteps resonated through the whole of him, pulsing, in time with his uneven battering pulse.

He barely remembered the actual fall, just the terrifying sensation of being weightless and the fear welling in his throat like coagulated ink. Forever. He’d be falling forever. Nothing to hold. To grab. To slow. To Know.

Endless.

His scream wrenched away from him in the rushing winds filling up his ears, stealing his voice, his breath. No one could hear him in this place. Martin would never know what happened. That Jon was eaten up by the sky. Surrounded infinitely on all sides by a sea of simultaneous nonexistence and brutal presence. Jon’s awareness whittled down only to the pull of gravity in all the wrong directions.

“Jon!” A bleary shape manifested above him, blocking out the worst of it. Hands, gentle, probing, searching subconsciously for breaks, contusions, his training winning out over the panic Jon could just make out in the set of his mouth. Fingers ran soft through his curls, seeking out any swellings and Jon winced when he found one. Must’ve struck his head on the way down. Those cool hands settled, cupping his face, and twin thumbs brushed over his cheeks. “You’re warm, love.” A murmur, almost to himself as Martin puzzled.

“B’bit of, of vertigo, s’all.” Uncoordinated, Jon’s arm struck out as he tried to reach for him and landed on his wrist. “Tryin’...nnh.” He gripped Martin like a lifeline, slamming his eyes shut against the need to be ill.

“You’ve clocked yourself.” Fair enough. “But I think you’re alright. Think you can move?” With no other option than to speak lest he set it all swirling again, Jon whimpered. “Okay.” With one more pass through his hair Martin stepped away and soon enough had Jon settled as best he could on the tile, tucked beneath a blanket with a cold pack pressed to the back of his neck. Relief came gradually and Martin’s unasked questions lingered on the edges of their companionable silence. “Better?”

“Mm.” Despite the hard surface applied to every pressure point, Jon was falling asleep cocooned in the safety of Martin’s soothing company.

He wouldn’t be able to keep this up

Martin teased him mercilessly about the loss of his voice and Jon let him have it if it kept him from noticing how sore his throat really was. He wanted to tell him that it was Daisy’s mark, to cry and come clean and beg Martin to stay.

But that wouldn’t be fair. Jon had to be a whole person in this relationship and stop relying on Martin to pick up the slack. He would figure this out. He’d prove his past didn’t control him.

After he could get out of bed.

And here was what he’d strived to avoid. Finally laid low.

“I worry, Jon. You know that.” That was the problem. Martin was already going to be late to work from all his fussing. With the scrap of voice he’d gained back he protested in a hoarse whisper, syllables squeaking past what felt like a shredded voice box and listened to Martin call in again. He had to be better than this but he was overwrought, dangling at the end of a very frayed rope. This marked a sharp decline and Jon was sure it hadn’t escaped Martin’s notice that they were coming up on the date he’d more or less died. He could barely rouse himself in the mornings for school, drifting through lessons and relying more on his TA than he’d like. More than once he’d splurged on a cab, not sure if he’d make it on the tube and Martin’s fretting and worry and distress only made Jon more secure in his conviction. If it was this bad already, how bad would it become if he knew the reason it was all happening? They were supposed to be free of this. Jon wasn’t supposed to keep doing this to Martin.

Melanie’s scar throbbed, chipping away at any scant reserve he had left and ruthless with its aim. It was worse than Daisy’s even though he could understand both motivations. Daisy was putting down a monster. Mel was striking out at someone trying to help, driving home with the scalpel that no good deed goes unpunished. Rationally, he knew he’d deserved it. Too bad it didn’t dull the sting of it all really.

“Darling? Sweetheart?” Jon forced his eyes open, gasping when it sent the dark room to pirouetting, his stomach to churning, staging a mutiny against the scant meal he’d forced on himself not too long ago. Anything he’d gained in their short reprieve had long melted away under the stress. “I’m here, what’s wrong, love?”

“Nnothing…” he regretted the word as soon as it passed his lips.

“You’ve a fever so high it woke me. That’s not nothing, Jon.” Mercifully, he gave him a moment to gather his thoughts, catalogue how much more of this he could take before it broke him. Burned hand shaking, Jon clenched his fist which didn’t help the pain rocketing through his arm and into his heart, but steadied him.

“Jus’a, a bit of a flare up.” Those sometimes came with fevers.

“Oh, love. Why didn’t you say?”

Because it was a lie. Because I didn’t want you to worry. Because I never want to see you upset over me. Because I’m not worth it. Because if it’s always going to be like this--

“Din’t want you to, to…” The cramping agony slurred his voice badly, stringing syllables together with an uncooperative tongue was too much effort. “Nngh.” Dazed and groggy, Jon shut his eyes tightly, trying to focus on Martin’s soothing touch stroking over his face. Like a coward, Jon let sleep rescue him from the truth.

It was the flesh that gave him away.

Woke him screaming; hot and twisting in agony with Jared’s phantom fingers dug into his rib cage. More fingers clamped onto his shoulders, shaking him, a distorted voice calling, shouting his name over and over and over.

“Jon!” Martin was little more than a blur, obscured by tears, and Jon’s panic was reflected straight back at him. “Where does it hurt?”

“Wha…?”

“Where, habibi? Left, right? Please, Jon.”

“Not...not. S’not--” He couldn’t get the words to come, to admit after so long what he’d kept poorly hidden.

“Not what?” Frustration bled sideways into his words and Martin gripped him harder as though he might tear the answers out of him.

“Real.” It burst from him in a raw, somehow soft explosion. It wasn’t. Not really. The wounds were long healed over.

“Looks plenty real from here, Jon.” He batted away questing fingers.

“No. No.” There was no way he’d be able to explain through this piercing agony, the literal holes invisible in his skin.

“It’s the fears, isn’t it? Your marks, your scars.” Martin already knew judging by the disquiet in his tone. This was merely confirmation.

“Yes.” He sobbed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” There was hurt in his voice, sadness and betrayal, alongside the ire.

“I thought, I thought--” Jon couldn’t breathe, panic and pain stealing the very air from his lungs. This was only going to get worse. After all they’d done, he’d done--how was he still a monster?

“Shh, shhh, thought what, love?” Martin held him carefully, mindful of all the ways Jon hurt, ticking off fears and scars on mental fingers, trying to figure out how long he’d been hiding it. How long he’d been suffering alone.

“Supposed to be, god, supposed to be safe, free of this.” He was trembling now, with chills or anxiety or both, gasping for every sip of oxygen and swallowing seawater for his trouble. “Can’t, what if--?” Choking himself off, Jon strangled. Martin stayed silent, rocking them both gently, back, forth, soft, slow, calm, calm, calm, and when Jon finally spoke again had to strain to hear him over the echo of a hammering heart beat. “Every year?”

Every year.

He couldn’t Breathe.

Everything was close. So close, too close, and he was crushed under the implications.

“Jon?” Now he was heaving for it, fast and deep, and while Martin could feel the strain it was to breathe he knew it wouldn’t be long before Jon lost consciousness altogether. “Hey, hey, listen, hayati, slow down, sloow down.” Jon’s entire body lifted when Martin inhaled, and again, and again, until he picked up the thread and made more than a half decent attempt. “Okay, there you are, you’re doing so well, sweetheart. So well.” Time passed in measured breaths, so much so that Martin had begun to think Jon had fallen asleep when:

“You’ll leave.”

Soft and shattered. All the fear that he’d piled onto the pain flowing out of him, a dam burst and broken.

“I won’t.” Jon’s movements were hard-won but he managed to shift himself enough to face him. His expression was firm.

“You, you can’t be stuck taking care of an i’invalid again, Martin. I won’t. I won’t have it.”

“Ah. You won’t have it.” Martin scoffed. “And what about me? When do I get a choice?” Jon, eyes wide and dark with exhaustion and pain, looked at him as though he’d grown a second head, perhaps a third.

Or like Martin was a predator and Jon was prey, cornered and hurting.

“You shouldn’t want this.” Me. “This, this burden. This trap!”

“You’re not some sort of trap!” Martin could see the moment Jon decided to change tactics, to try and convince him otherwise, win the game. Too bad for Jon that Martin knew him better than he knew himself.

“You want this don’t you?” He sneered, so convinced, and while once upon a time it would have made Martin wilt and retreat, now he was familiar with Jon’s lashing out. Sorry, Jon. “I won’t be another reason for you to martyr yourself.”

“And I won’t be scared off by your nasty attitude.” Softening, he reached for Jon’s trembling hands, running his thumbs methodically over the backs of them. “I won’t. Together. Right?”

“Martin.” His name broke open on a sob. “I don’t. I don’t want this for you.”

“Tough.” Smothered, Jon’s next words died in his throat, a fledgling bird crushed before it could take flight. “You don’t get to choose for me, even to protect me.”

“Every year--”

“We don’t know that. Not yet.” Martin eased him down. “You aren’t a burden. You aren’t trapping me here.” He kissed away the tears, the hopelessness, even as Jon shook his head nigh delirious.

“I am, I am.”

“No, love. What you are is worn out and hurting.” Martin teased out Jon’s tangled curls, stroking his fingers through them and watching him relax as much as he could at the moment. “What you’re going to do is let me take care of things. Of you, Jon.”

“Don’deserve you.” Fresh tears welled in half lidded brown eyes, slipped into the fly aways at his temples when they closed. “Never have.” Martin stood, pressing lips to his hot brow, intending to gather up anything he thought might help.

“We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.” Jon nodded and Martin turned to leave, stopping when he found himself caught by quaking fingers tangled in his sleeve.

“I, I love you.” Contrite, whispered and awaiting rejection. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, darling.” Martin leaned down, thumbing away new tears. “I know, I know and I love you too.” He stole one more shivering kiss. “Let’s get you taken care of.”

#TMA #the magnus archives #jon sims #martin blackwood #jmart #jonmartin #sick #anniversaries #scars #fever #pain #hurt #fights #reassurances

77 notes · View notes

desi-lgbt-fest · 1 year ago

Text

At the wedding procession, Guru had slid his card inside Sharduls collar and Shardul hadn't washed his shirt since then.

Guru is many things, smart, dashing, confident, joyous. But one thing he's not is presumptuous. He cannot be. As a gay lawyer, he knows better than anyone that you cannot judge anyone by their first appearance. You need proof and a willing consensual confession.

Well isn't that a huge problem for Shardul?

Because so far he's worked on hints and knowing gazes. Because who ever speaks of these things out loud? Guru might roam around wearing a pride pin on his cute little leather bag outside of office (Shardul was NOT stalking him) but Shardul can't even say word Gay out loud in case people might just connect the dots based on his voice. They were just so far outside of each other's circle.

The women's police station did not have provision to hold men in custody. It was dumb but that was how it was. So when a women came in with bruises on her face, Shardul's supervisor sent him to arrest the husband and take him to the other nearby police station.

The husband was still drunk and he was dragging his feet on the way, "Sir please sir, let me go i will not do it again.'

Annoyed, Shardul turned around to give that guy a slap to shut him up when he bumped into somone. Shardul smelled him before he saw him.

Again they were unfairly close. A flash of recognition came and went in Guru's eyes. His mouth quirked at the corner but other than that, he simply moved around him and walked away.

Guru looked ridiculously attractive in his sharp lawyer coat. Clean shaved and free of the glitter, he looked serious and professional. Shardul for a moment wondered if that was the same guy whose fingers briefly touched his collarbone and gave him a shock.

Shardul enquired about him. And why had he not seen him before. Guru Narayan was a domestic abuse lawyer, recently moved to the city. 'Door rehna. Gay hai.' the constable promptly informed him.

Shardul came back to his station and instantly recommended Guru to the wife still waiting at the station. The wife refused initially. But Shardul convinced her. 'ill drop you at his office' he said magnanimously.

Armed with the address found on Google and the reason to go in form of the wife, if Shardul sped up a little on his way there, nobody had to know.

Guru spotted him when he took in the woman. Guru again saw him waiting when he showed the woman out half hour later.

He directed the woman to his secretary and came walking towards Shardul.

'im getting her to fill out some forms. It will take time. If you still want to wait.'

'I will.' Shardul gave what he considered his best smile.

Guru smiled back, but he turned to leave anyways.

Oh shit. 'Its been pretty hot recently no?' small talk small talk.

Guru turned back. 'Yeah it has. Global warming and all.'

Shardul nodded vigorously. Guru paused for a moment.

'Chai?' Shardul pushed on. Guru pointedly looked at the bead of sweat running down Shardul's temple and spoke, 'I actually have some work. Maybe some other time?' he nodded awkwardly and turned to leave inside.

Shardul considered waiting till the lady finished her forms, hoping he might come out to see him again. Or change his mind. But the woman had half a foot tall stack of papers and Shardul's pride could only take so much.

May be it was not meant to be.

Shardul came back home. Sumi and rimjhim were being obnoxiously lovey dovey. They were sat on a couch cuddled into each other, Sumi showing something on her phone to rimjhim.

Shardul ached for something like that. He had great time with Kabir. But as the days went by he had realised how superficial that was. He wanted something real. Something solid like his wife and her girlfriend had. Shardul didn't know if Guru was the one.

But, fuck. He can't give up.

The next day he turned up at that office, Guru couldn't ignore.

'Aaj koi besahar aurat nahi saath me?' 'No abused woman with you today?'

'Uske bagair tumse mil nahi sakte?' 'Cant meet you without one?'

Shardul felt hot and cold under Guru's scrutinising glare.

'what do you want?'

'ek cup chai?'

'what do you want from me?'

'Company for ek cup chai?'

'Are you interested in me?'

Shardul was losing his resolve. Maybe the hot, openly gay, domestic abuse lawyer just wasn't interested in him. Shardul didn't have many moments of insecurity. But this was certainly one.

'hum kya mujrim hai jo aap hamari case le rahe ho?' 'why are you examining me like I'm a criminal?'

At that Guru laughed. Fuck, he had a good laugh. 'Sorry. Habit.'

Shardul got hopeful for a second.

'Not right now,' Guru looked away though. 'I- I have work.'

Guru didn't know what to make of that police officer. A newly married guy. Interested in body building. Pretty conservative, standard police guy by what he'd heard. And his sources were accurate. Things like these, you can't be too sure.

But he'd come twice asking for tea. Closeted? Repressed? Should Guru spare his very busy schedule on him? He was hot though. Guru liked his stupid little moustache. And he had definitely liked the startled look on his cute face when at the wedding Guru had brazenly inserted his lawyer card in the officer's shirt collar, which he had mostly done to challenge the police officer to take any kind of action against him. Guru had seen many police officers visibly lose their homophobic arrogance as they realise the person they're trying intimidate is a practicing lawyer.

But Shardul, instead of being scared away, had come looking for him. Brought him a case. So maybe Guru's sources were not telling him something. Which is why last time he had asked outright if Shardul was interested and he had gotten a non answer. Talk about false hopes. And Shardul hadn't come back after that. Well. That was that. Until it wasn't.

'Youre hopeless' Sumi said flatly as she watched him comb his hair over and over again.

'What? Just because you don't appreciate, doesn't mean i don't make an effort?' Shardul bit back.

'But the guy you're making all this effort for, is he appreciating?' Sumi laughed a little meanly. Shardul scowled. He shouldn't have told her about Guru and now she had so much bullying material. And a drawback of becoming kind of friendly with his wife was that he couldn't really hate her for it. Whatever, he had to get ready.

Guru was coming to their station to deliver a talk. It was Shardul's idea. They had arranged nearby women to gather and listen to Guru talk about some basic rights in case of domestic abuse. It hadn't been easy. Shardul had to be very sneaky about suggesting to his officer in such a way that she came out thinking it was her idea all along. Convincing the women audience to come wasn't easy either. But Shardul had done it.

All to savour the look on Guru's face when Shardul went to invite him. The second of lookover Guru had given him when he had outlined the event idea. The flash of appreciation that danced on Guru's clever mouth.

Shardul had done his best to appear unaffected when Guru walked in his Mahila Thana. Dressed down into a simple cotton shirt and beige pants, Guru looked a lot less severe than his usual lawyer self. Which made him softer and more approachable to not only the apprehensive women in the audience but also the repressed police officer trying not to stare at him from afar.

Shardul casually walked up to Guru after the talk ended, and thought of shooing the women away who were flocking around the lawyer. But Guru looked so intensely focused on the woman in front of him who still bore the dark marks of bruising grip on her forearm, Shardul didn't have the heart to do it. Slowly the women left, and there was only Shardul and Guru in the meeting hall. Guru looked lost in thought a little. Shardul fidgeted around him, torn between talking to the guy and just staring at him.

"Things like these, make you wonder about the whole institution of marriage, don't they?" Guru spoke up, a little absently and then looked up to level his gaze at Shardul. Being the object of Guru's focus always derailed Shardul and he fumbled.

"Sure sure."

"You're married, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I don't beat her, I don't even touch her haha," Shardul laughed and then immediately flushed.

Guru just cocked his head, looking puzzled.

"I mean-"

"I don't want to know how you touch your wife, Inspector Thakur."

"No ofcourse not."

Awkward silence spread.

"I don't though," Shardul spoke softly and a little awkwardly, urging Guru to take some sort of hint, pooling the want in his gaze. Guru met his gaze head on but his face was impassive. He nodded slowly. But he turned to leave regardless.

"Lawyer ji," Shardul called. "Chai?"

The troubled look on Guru's face hadn't gone away. He shook his head and Shardul's heart plummeted. But then he said.

"Fir kabhi." 'Maybe later.'

The next time Guru sought Shardul out. Not that he had given up, in fact when Guru walked in, Shardul was drawing up plans to create another casual encounter. So to see the object of his dreams right in front of him, had Shardul stand up flailing.

"Inspector," Guru's voice was clipped and professional but still there was a hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

"Lawyer ji, to what do I owe this good fortune?" Well Shardul could be smooth too. He placed his hands on his table and leaned forward slightly, letting the forearms flex. He could see Guru's eyes drift over for a second but they were back on his face too quickly.

The flirting stopped there because Guru had come to him for his help in getting some local details for a warrant against a man in his jurisdiction. Shardul introduced him to his boss, she helped them get the approval, looking warmly at the charming lawyer. Guru too chatted with her with a lot more smiles. Shardul would've been jealous if he hadn't known Guru to be gay. (Was he though? What if his information was wrong? But then the pin on his bag...) Shardul sneaked a glance at his leather bag. Yep. There was the rainbow.

Shardul couldn't resist. "Ye pin accha hai" 'This pin is cute'

The conversation dropped like a heavy stone.

"Thank you. Pride symbol hai. For homos," Guru replied in an even tone. Shardul had seen the man dance brazenly in rainbow boa on the streets. It was one of the points of attraction to him, the seeming flip in the personality when Guru is in his 'lawyer mode'.

"I knew that," Shardul said, meeting his gaze head on. For what seemed like the nth time, Shardul felt Guru look at him with intense scrutiny. Like he was figuring a puzzle out. Shardul could guess what Guru wanted. He clearly wanted someone who was maybe as openly gay he was. Not ashamed and hidden like Shardul was, just dropping bare minimum hints.

But the idea of coming straight and asking him out...

... He has to. The initial attraction to Guru hadn't faded away, in fact had just grown stronger day by day. Nowadays when Shardul came home to Sumi and Rimjhim, he wasn't just feeling longing for something like that; it was now bittersweet, knowing that with just a little bravery, he could have it too.

The day Shardul asked Guru out, it was a complete coincidence. Neither had Shardul planned to meet him, nor had Guru come to him. They met at court, by chance. Shardul walked up to Guru.

"Lawyer ji aap chai pite bhi hai?" 'Mr Lawyer do you even drink tea?'

"i do" Guru replied, raising an eyebrow at the non sequitur.

"toh hum bulate hai, aap taal dete hai" 'you refuse when i ask.'

Guru smiled. "Aapke iraade malum nahi isliye." "I don't know what's your intention"

"what do you think?" Shardul felt the power and bravery of 10 Durga Ma in him at that moment, asking that question.

"Lawyer hu, bina direct confession ke case nahi chalega" 'im a lawyer, the case won't work without direct confession'

"Pucchiye fir" 'then ask'

Guru's gaze was once again on him, fully focused. He paused a moment and Shardul realised they were unknowingly walking together towards the parking. Shardul badly wanted to look around, see who was looking at them. Two guys standing quite close in public parking lot of the Court House. But he didn't. He chose, in that moment, to just look back at Guru.

"Are you interested in me?"

"I am."

"Does your wife know?" Guru fired immediately.

"I don't need her permission... Or her girlfriend's."

"Ohh" Shardul might've just imagined the relief and smile in that one syllable word. He pressed on before he lost his nerve. Durga Ma could only power him for so long.

"So... Ek cup chai?"

Guru's smirk was slow and just as devastating in spreading on his face.

"Kal shaam 5 baje." '5 pm tomorrow.'

A shardul x Guru au where instead of them getting together in a neat montage, Shardul has to drop increasingly obvious hints that he's gay to Guru as they run into each other at the station.

#y'all #this was MONTHS in making i finally got the motivation to finish for this prompy #desilgbtfest23 #dlf23: day 6 #5+1 things #badhaai do #badhaai do fanfiction #Shardul x guru #queer bollywood #i haven't edited it strongly #hope you all like it tho #og mod #desi queer #desi lgbt

77 notes · View notes

chalkrevelations · 3 years ago

Text

Word of Honor Ep 6, and let’s talk a little about what’s canon, and what’s not, and about the particular slip-slidiness of the line between them on this show.

But first, due diligence: If you are NEW or JUST VISITING, this is a re-watch, so you’re going to find SPOILERS not just for this ep, but for the entire show. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch unspoiled. Also, heads-up, this got super long, because I had to talk about that stuff up there and then still talk about the ep. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

So, “canon,” as applied to fannish source material (in Western fandom, at least) traditionally has been considered the official stuff – the episode, the book, the comic, the movie – based on the religious definition of “canon,” the collection of texts accepted as genuine and official within a religion. The word “fanon” – widely accepted fannish ideas – plays on this, as does the fandom concept of “word of God,” or things the Creators have said about the text but outside of it. Is it in the show as it aired or the book as it was printed? Canon. Is it not in the show as it aired or the book as it was printed? Not canon. (Apocrypha? Maybe. Anyway.) Generally, I think we’d say that things like material in the first draft of a script that doesn’t make it through revisions and onto the screen isn’t canon, even if you can get your hands on a copy of the first draft. The final product that airs is what’s canon. BUT this gets super slippery in something like WoH, in a way that’s exemplified in this episode. This ep is one of the places where people who can lip-read Chinese have spotted some significant dialogue changes between what the actors say on-screen and what lines have been dubbed in. (Everybody’s dubbed in cdramas, it’s just the thing that happens. You have your on-screen actors, and you have your voice actors. The ONLY person in The Untamed who did his own voice dubbing, for instance, was Ji Li, who played Nie Huaisang. All the other characters had voice actors dubbed in. In fact, the voice actor for Jiang Cheng in The Untamed is the voice actor for Wen Kexing in WoH.) One of the descriptions of WoH that I’ve heard is that this show was filmed as a bl and dubbed as a bromance. The thing is, nobody tried very hard to hide the shift. There are plenty of places that you can clearly see the actor’s mouths don’t match the dubbing, and they’re not artfully shot or edited to hide this. They’re fully on-screen, mouthing words that don’t match, right out in the open, almost like they want to you to pick up on it. Almost like it’s canon, because it’s right there on-screen, aired in the episode. In my first-watch reactions to Eps 36 and 37, I talked a lot about how the dubbing puts a layer of de-queered no-homo over what the on-screen actors are saying in these places, but if you can see what they’re actually saying and understand it, does that make it canon? What does it mean, both textually and meta-textually, if you can’t believe what you’re hearing – what you’re being told – because it contradicts what you’re seeing? How does that affect what we’re told about Our Protagonists and its “truth,” particularly in the final scenes? How much is the show deliberately working against censorship in this way? How much is it teaching us to look deeper than what we’re hearing on the surface?

Several people have talked about what’s actually being said by the on-screen actors in places where this happens, and I’m going to direct you to AvenueX on Youtube if you want a complete overview, because she’s reliable and has a good compilation that’s easy to find. She has a couple of videos called “Lip Reading for Sugar,” and the March 9, 2021, installment includes the Ep 6 incidences, the most significant of which are: At 3:05 in the ep, when WKX throws himself on Zhou Zishu’s back during the zombie Drug Men attack, calls him “mom,” asks ZZS to carry him, and tells “mom” that “your shoulder blades are the most beautiful.” Only no, Gong Jun didn’t say this, if you watch his mouth compared to the sound of the words. Instead of “niang” (mom), he says “Zhou Zishu.” Twice. “Zhou Zishu, carry me.” “Zhou Zishu, your shoulder blades are the most beautiful.” This is not only important because it emphasizes he’s gay for Zhou Zishu’s shoulder blades, but also because he’s fucking baked on Drunk Like A Dream incense when it happens, and later, ZZS will reveal that Drunk Like a Dream makes you see what you most desire, and he’ll confront WKX about how he “kept calling” someone’s name while he was under the influence of it. This makes no sense with the dubbing we get, because with “mom” dubbed over ZZS’s name here, WKX only calls Zhou Zishu’s real name once while he’s under the influence, at the end of ep 5. That is not kept calling. ANYWAY, once WKX clears his head and flies them away from the Drug Men, back to the a lakeside, there’s another disjunct at 5:05, when the dubbing has WKX tell ZZS not to play hero, that he doesn’t lose face if WKX helps him, and ZZS responds with something about your grandmother’s bear, which AvenueX tells me is a real Chinese idiom, although not for what. What Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan appear to actually have said, though, is that WKX tells ZZS that this was just like a hero saving a beauty, with the implication that ZZS is the beauty, the damsel in distress, and ZZS respons that no, it’s like the beauty saving the hero, without a lick of concern that he’s the beauty, the damsel, in this scenario, just that he did all the work killing Drug Men and now this asshole is going to act like he’s the one who did the saving. At 31:24, dubbing has WKX telling ZZS that he’ll give ZZS whatever he wants if ZZS can get him some of the Drunk Like a Dream, but AvenueX tells me that he actually offers his body in exchange, in a way that implies marriage. And at 32:22, when ZZS asks WKX what he saw under the influence of the Drunk Like a Dream, the dubbing gives us some random story about baby WKX throwing a rat on his mother’s bed, while Gong Jun’s mouth seems to be saying something something about being in the bridal chamber with his beloved … so circling back to our first instance at 3:05, WKX using Zhou ZIshu’s name is now super-interesting, eh?

Another slip-slidey point of canon here is that there are two versions of this episode. The original version didn’t have the rabbit-washing scene. That was an extra that was inserted later into a Special Version ep when Youku reached 2 million subscribers. But the Special Version is now available on Youku’s channel (it’s the one I watched for this re-watch), AND it’s the regular version that’s on Netflix. So at 25:28, we now get this adorable little scene where ZZS and WKX are cleaning two rabbits in the lake before cooking them, and WKX splashes ZZS who pretends to be irritated before splashing WKX back and running away up the riverbank, chased by WKX. It’s flirty and playful and ALSO a foreshadowing of the flashback we’re going to see in a later ep, when they play together for an afternoon as children. Wasn’t canon before. Now it is.

Anyway, even with the (bad) dubbing that we get, this is a fantastic WenZhou ep. We open with them still being menaced by the zombies Drug Men, with a lot of swordwork by ZZS before he starts flagging because of his Nails Issue, whereupon WKX instantly sobers up, goes Evil Ghost Valley Master on Imposter Hanged Ghost who’s controlling the Drug Men, kills him with his Fan of Death, then scoops up ZZS and flies him off to a lake, where he attempts to tenderly check ZZS’s pulse and take care of his wounds before ZZS slaps away his hand like an offended maiden. WKX has to give him the qi smackdown in order to hold him still to :coff: pull down his robes and suck out the poison from the Drug Men scratches on the back of his shoulder. :hands: I remember the first time around, watching this with my mouth hanging open, demanding to know the heterosexual explanation for this. (Also, if you’re rummaging on Youtube, the Five Straight Guys Watching Word of Honor for this ep is not to be missed. They’re a little questionable in their reaction to the poison sucking, but before that, they’re a bunch of squeamish babies over using the dagger to further slice open the wounds to get to the poison, and it’s HILARIOUS. They can’t even look at the screen once the dagger comes out, hiding behind their hands. I love them, more and more as the eps go on, but they are WEAK compared to even the newbiest hurt/comfort fangirl.) There’s some more back and forth between WKX and ZZS about revealing their true selves to each other, no you, no YOU. WKX makes it clear that he knows there’s something really wrong with ZZS, and then they fight, set to romantic music, and ZZS ends up falling in the lake. I do the victory arms ( \o/ ) to myself where I’m sitting on the couch and startle one of the cats, because FINALLY we’re going to get rid of that execrable fake facial hair. ZZS fucks with WKX by staying underwater long enough that WKX panics and also dives in, we get some really cheap and awful underwater effects, and ZZS reveals his face! They end up back on the edge of the lake, drying their perfectly dry outer robes, while they sit around the fire together in their perfectly dry inner robes, but I am not going to complain because y’all. I CANNOT with how smug and pleased ZZS is for just a moment about WKX mooning over how pretty he is. Then he remembers to be an ill-tempered gremlin and pokes at WKX with a flaming stick, but I had to rewind four times just to catch that little moment of satisfaction about being admired again – it’s subtle and gorgeous and Zhang Zhehan is going to kill me with his face one of these days. ZZS demands dinner on this date, and fake-coughs pitifully to get WKX to go hunt something down, while he stays and does his delightful little thinky face as he pokes at the Soul Winding Box they got from Imposter Hanged Ghost. Then we get a shot of WKX looking at ZZS before he heads off to catch some rabbits that confirms he now knows he’s really Zhou Zishu, rather than Zhou Xu.

So, we’ll get back to the Ghost and the Box in a minute, but I do want to mention that this whole ep is layered through with mini-references and thematic stuff. Imposter Hanged Ghost rings his little bell to control his Drug Men, and remember that, we’ll see that again. WKX asks if ZZS came from the Healer’s Valley when ZZS offers him an antidote to the Drug Man poison; we learn later that WKX, himself, is the one who came from the Healer’s Valley. When ZZS gets the Soul Winding Box open and finds a piece of the Glazed Armor inside (Danyang’s, taken off of Ao Laizi by Ghost Valley before he was hung at the gate of Sanbai Manor), he gives it to WKX, tells him to throw it away if he doesn’t want it. WKX says he couldn’t possibly, and that he’ll wear it because it’s his first gift from A-Xu. Compare this to the way Xie’er will wear Awful Yifu’s Glazed Armor around his neck. We also see some of the thematic and referential stuff come up in conversations that form a repeated pattern in this ep of ZZS stressing what a bad and dangerous person he is: He scoffs at the idea he’s from Healer’s Valley, and asks if he looks like someone who practices medicine; WKX responds that he looked like a professional killer (true) who was cruel in the abandoned temple (presumably while escaping Mirror Lake) and frightening to a kind-hearted man like WKX who can’t even kill a chicken (particularly amusing given the prep for New Year’s dinner in a later ep, when WKX is the only one who CAN). At the lakeside and again after ZZS hightails it away from Sanbai Manor when they spot Han Ying there (HAN YING, my beloved), WKX asks if ZZS is a fugitive, what he’s hiding from, and says that he’ll protect him – by reason, because would he kill anyone unreasonably (omg, where to even begin? How many guys have you choked out at this point)? When they’re arguing about ZZS revealing his “true” face, ZZS warns that most people who’ve seen his real appearance are dead (probably true). WKX says he’s not afraid of death (not his own, at least, we’ll see that the thing he’s afraid of is ZZS’s death). ZZS warns WKX that he’s not only sharp-tongued, he’s ruthless (true). He tells WKX that he’s murdered many people (true) and set them on fire (not unlikely, frankly) and committed many crimes (true, in a way, although they were state-sanctioned, making them legal, if morally reprehensible). This is the ZZS who put the Nails in himself, who talks to himself about what a truly awful shixiong he is, who tells Prince Jin that he’s only good as a weapon. I like how we see this at the same time that we’re starting to see the side of him that’ll preen when someone thinks he’s pretty - this is a process, and it’s subtle, not as high-drama as WKX’s, but it’s there, nonetheless.

We also formally meet Xie Wang in this ep, artfully posed and playing his pipa among the bodies – old and new – of Zhao Coffin Home. He and Changing Ghost have a bit of a slapfight over whose fault it is that Imposter Hanged Ghost, who was actually Long-Tongued Ghost, got killed and got his (Danyang’s) Glazed Armor took by WKX, when Changing Ghost stole it from Ao Laizi, put it in the Soul Winding Box and gave it to Long-Tongued Ghost specifically to deliver it to Xie Wang. Xie Wang is super cool through all of this, and I think we get a sense of how deadly he is by the way Changing Ghost backs down. So, here’s what’s falling together: Some iteration of Ghost Valley is working with Xie Wang and the Scorpion Sect, giving the Scorpions access to the Soul Winding Threads, which we saw used at the Mirror Lake massacre and in the woods outside of Sanbai Manor to kill Yu Tianjie in the last ep. Via Xie Wang, Ghost Vally has access to use of the Drug Men, which we’ve seen at the Zhao Coffin Home (so far), although we haven’t yet been told (I think) how Xie Wang got access to the potions to create Drug Men (we also know ZZS read about Drug Men in a book somewhere, and got enough info to engineer an antidote to them). Xie Wang and the Scorpions have access to Drunk Like a Dream incense, which had to come from Prince Jin’s court, having been engineered by ZZS based on a much stronger formulation. Han Ying, from Tian Chuang in Prince Jin’s court, has been seen at Sanbai Manor, Zhao Jing’s place.

Meanwhile Chengling is doing poorly, with no appetite and getting bellowed at some more by Shen Shen, who would be the worst if only I didn’t know everything I know, which makes me cringe when Zhao Jing refers to Chengling as “my son, now.” NO. RUN, Goldbean. For some more thematic and referential stuff in this ep, WKX calls Chengling a “lonely chick with no one to rely on” and tsks over the fact that he’s “surrounded by hounds smarter than foxes” now that he’s under the care of the Five Lakes Alliance. This is clearly to manipulate ZZS into thinking Chengling is better off with ZZS, but it also sounds like an awfully apt description of Zhen Yan in Ghost Valley. I’m just sayin’.

#zhou zishou #wen kexing #xie wang #zhang chengling #zhao jing #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

37 notes · View notes

builder051 · 3 years ago

Text

The talk

Chasing Ghosts

(I generally do not play in this arena; DO NOT ask for other stories with PMS, etc., as illness features. I do loosely plan to continue this thread, though. Or @mohini-musing might pick up for me.)

Warnings: weight (though not ED context), SA inc. prostitution, blood, emeto

____________________________

Tasha comes down the hall and stands like a ghost behind the sofa.

James is in the recliner across the living room, and he barely looks up from the textbook he's pretending to peruse. The quiet music he's had playing in one ear has long since captured his attention more than the multiplication of matrices. He's fairly sure he'll never use the skill lest he become a software engineer post-graduation, and the prospect of that's looking pretty slim.

He sees Tasha out of his peripheral vision, but doesn't move his head or lift his eyes for acknowledgment. She's probably drifted down from her weekend high, realized it's Sunday night, and gotten up for a Gatorade and maybe a glance at her homework.

Steve, though, who's lying on his stomach and taking up the whole of the couch, practically jumps to attention. He stands, scoots, and sits again in the amount of time it takes James to blink and make the first inhalation of a laugh.

"Sorry," Steve says, as if he's personally offended Tasha and just been called out. "I didn't mean... I was just, like, studying..."

Tasha shrugs. "Didn't come to sit with you," she says, in a voice that recalls the 'boys are gross' tone of young teenagerhood.

"What's up, then?" James asks, trying to bring back the balance of the room's atmosphere.

Tasha makes an ugly face. She opens her mouth, then shuts it. "Can I talk to you alone?"

James scoffs. "You think there's privacy in this apartment?"

"I can go, I don't know--" Steve looks around.

"Just talk," James says. He almost rolls his eyes, but the undercurrent of Tasha's affect seems to hold an air of seriousness. If there's something she needs to confess or ask for help with, he doesn't want her to feel less than secure.

Tasha lets out a breathy sort of sigh. "Blood," she says. "There's blood."

"Huh?" Steve responds first. "Where?"

James takes a little longer to contemplate the admission. Has she cut herself? There's no visible damage; Tasha's not holding an injury or howling in pain. Bloody vomit? That's nothing new, really, and even with vampire-red teeth, which she doesn't have, Tasha probably wouldn't come crying to him.

James is still thinking when Tasha points vaguely down the hall and to the left, which is, technically speaking, her side of the apartment. Or at least the bedroom and bathroom they'd parceled out for her when they'd unofficially moved her out of her dreary campus housing.

"What, in your room?" Steve asks.

"No." Tasha screws up her eyes. "I mean... I'm bleeding."

The cogs continue to turn in James's head, and just as he lands on an answer, Steve gives up, shaking his head and saying, "I don't get it."

"Fuck you," Tasha mumbles. "Both of you." She turns and starts to head back down the hallway.

"Tash." James jumps to his feet, his algebra book falling to the floor.

"You guys are fucking gay..."

"Hey!" Steve interjects.

James flaps his hand at Steve to shut him up. "Maybe we're gay, but I'm your big brother." He shoots a quick glance at Steve, hoping this won't surpass his no privacy promise. They've done some pretty wild stuff together: partying, puking, cleaning the carpet... Period talk shouldn't be too far out of their wheelhouse. At least, not if Tasha wants to talk about it.

Tasha huffs and rounds the edge of the sofa. She stands beside the arm, leaning her hip against it for a moment, before finally deciding to sit down, as far away from Steve as possible.

"I..." James starts, assuming it's his responsibility to keep the conversation going. "I assumed you hadn't been, um. You know."

Tasha's 100 pounds soaking wet. In her usual cutoff shorts and tank tops, he'd give her 95. Maybe 92 if she's detoxing. James assumes she has something like female athlete triad going on, except without the athlete. He doesn't like to think she's just too skinny to go through... normal biological processes. If he blames the drugs, sees them as wrecking her body instead of bringing her solace, then he'll have to turn eyes on himself, and there's no way in hell he wants to do that.

"Smart one," Tasha says. "And exactly how much thought do you give to the functioning of my uterus?"

Steve gives an 'oh shit' face, looking from James to Tasha and back again as if wondering how he's been so thick headed. James agrees, but is also relieved, in a way, that his boyfriend hasn't been thinking about his sister in, well, that way.

"Seeing as I have, more than once, pulled you out of an R-rated situation with iffy consent, and you have yet to become pregnant--" James starts.

"Yeah, ok, you don't have to..." Tasha shakes her head.

James decides not to stop his momentum. "Do you know how much sex you're having? How often you're using protection?"

"I said, you don't have to." Tasha glares at him. "I don't have one. A cycle, or whatever. I can't get knocked up."

"Well, I figured that, but you can still get an STD--

"I don't think you're hearing me," Tasha says. "I don't have one. I haven't. Like, ever."

"But--what?" James squints and cocks his head. "What about, what was it? Cheerleading camp?"

"That stupid summer program when I was 16?" Tasha bites her lip. "Yeah, that was a lie."

"You're losing me." Steve reminds them he's part of the conversation as well.

"What, didn't your mom send you to cheerleading camp when you were a sullen teen?" Tasha asks him, seemingly in all seriousness.

"Um. No." Steve withers a little under her stare. "There was a threat to beat it out of me with a bible when I was that age, but that never came to fruition."

"Mm. Fun times." Tasha scrubs her hair back from her face. "I told mom of the moment I started at camp, so then she couldn't go nuts about the moment I 'became a woman,' or whatever."

Tasha has always seemed like a little kid to James. Her stint at camp had only taken place... he quickly calculates... 3ish years ago. Tasha is a kid. She hasn't busted 20 years old yet. But, for the first time James wonders if other, more metaphorical factors are at play.

The idea quickly fades, though, when he remembers the actual topic at hand. "Ok, but Tash," James says. "What's actually going on right now?"

Tasha practically sinks into the couch cushions. She wraps both arms around her abdomen. "Blood," she says. "Kinda...everywhere."

"We'll clean the bathroom later," James says dismissively.

"And I'll do laundry," Steve offers. "I used to be the scrawny kid who got beat up a lot. I can do bloodstains."

"Not helping, babe," James tells him before Tasha can get a word in.

"Feel sick," Tasha admits, rather suddenly.

"Bathroom it is, then," James decides. "But, let's use mine."

Tasha seems to have turned into a shapeless blob on the corner of the couch, her chest meeting her thighs with her arms still wrapped around her stomach. Her face is in her knees, which James has to admit, would be easier to clean than the carpet.

"Come on," he says gently, taking Tasha's shoulder. "If you're gonna puke, don't do it here, please."

"But I already diiiiid," Tasha complains, drawing out the last word and adding the hiccup of a fake crying fit.

"Sorry." James hooks his flesh arm across Tasha's chest and lets her cling to him down the hall. He takes her into his and Steve's disorganized yet bleach-shined bathroom. Cleaning was practically Steve's hobby. Yet keeping down the clutter? Not his strong suit.

Unsure of exactly what kind of sick his sister intends to be, he sets her down, fully clothed, on the toilet, which, of course, has the seat up. Then he dives for the trash can and shoves it into Tasha's chest.

She gives James an appreciative glare, then sets her chin on the edge of the trash can, ostensibly to wait for an upcoming retch. James can practically see it, rising from the bottom of her spine, up her back, to her neck and throat before finally pushing a pitiful amount of spit and bile out of her mouth.

"Ok..." James sighs. If she's down to just that, she's been at it a while. Lost a lot of fluids already.

"Gatorade?" Steve asks in a chipper tone, putting voice to what James is thinking without a trace of delicacy.

"Hmph." Tasha spits. "If it'll... make it stop burning..."

"Lemme guess, vodka last night?" James tries to make her laugh. Maybe cough.

"Fuck you."

"Eh, we'll talk about that later," James says, hoping he doesn't sound threatening. "For now, how about I go with you?" James pulls on Steve's arm and heads for the bathroom door.

"Hey, you said no privacy here..." Tasha's irritated and sickly voice trails after them.

"Yeah, well, puking people aren't allowed to leave the bathroom," James says. "That's the house rule that trumps all the others."

"But I puke on the couch all the time--"

"That's because it's too hard to get your fucking limp-ass octopus body into the bathroom in the first place." James rolls his eyes. "Just sit tight."

He quickly drags Steve into the kitchen. "Ok," he says. "You have to know about this stuff. You took health class in high school, right?"

"I've lived with a woman," Steve reminds James, a little shamefully. "But Peggy was super private. You know, like inhibited, about, like, um..."

"Yeah, I get it." James shrugs. Then, "Did you know you can stem a nosebleed with a tampon?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know..." James shakes his head.

"Why do you?" Steve looks a little take aback now.

"The field. Desert air's pretty damn dry."

"Ah. Ok."

"We'd get donations of shit from the states. Care packages, Costco overstock, you know. Just, whatever. When we got pads and stuff, whoever was unloading the box would just hold them over their head and yell 'who needs them?'"

"And I'm assuming people would just raise their hands?" Steve postulates.

"Yup." James pops the P. "No privacy. Everyone knows everyone else's bathroom habits. When you're deep in the field, there's no men's and women's facilities. Half the time the privies don't even have doors."

"Ok." Steve nods. "Experience, then. You have lots of experience."

James shrugs again. "You have to be chill, ok?" He opens the fridge and pulls out two bottles of Gatorade. He holds one to either side of Steve's neck, as if to physically cool him. "This is, like, super weird and awkward for her. She's really scared, I think, and her brave face just looks...jerk-ish."

"Yeah." Steve takes the Gatorade. "I can be good with this. I really care about her, even if she doesn't think I do."

"I know you do," James says. "It's all in the presentation right now, though. She's skittish. But, also, for some reason, willing to talk. We have to tease it out. And you can't ruin it, ok?"

"Ok, ok." Steve seems to understand, even if he doesn't appreciate the words.

They head back to the bathroom, where Tasha has, for whatever reason, decided to heave into the toilet instead of the trash. She squats awkwardly, sitting on one heel. From the angle he's at, James can see a spreading stain on the back of Tasha's shorts, which has made an imprint on her ankle and the bottom of her foot.

"Don't move," James says, reaching for a towel.

"The fuck would I?" Tasha coughs, holding her stomach and moaning.

"Well, when you're done, stand up slowly and wipe your feet."

"...Shit..." Tasha spits. "Like I said. It's fucking everywhere."

"Yeah..." Menstrual blood, James has no experience with. But blood in general, yeah. It does get fucking everywhere. There's that first moment when the entire body and all its systems are still in shock, like when the arm is first blown off, and then all he can see is red. Even the bone that was white just a second ago is lost in a sea of scarlet--

"Well, I suppose congratulations are in order," Steve says with a grin, clearly trying to be friendly, but missing out on one, or more, of the points. "You're not pregnant."

"Well, of course I'm not, you dingbat," Tasha replies, rolling her eyes so hard that James is sure it must give her a headache. If she doesn't already have one. "And besides. He used a condom."

"Wait," James says. He's been preoccupied by not looking at Steve. "You know that?" he pokes cautiously. "For sure?"

"...Yeah..."

"Every time?"

"To be honest," Tasha starts, spitting and pushing herself away from the toilet. She crab-walks to the towel, wipes her feet, then sits on it, criss-cross like a little kid. "I don't know if he actually gets off every time." She draws her mouth into a straight, defensive line.

"The fuck does that have to do with anything?" James asks.

Steve looks very much like he wants to get the bleach from the cabinet under the sink, pour it into one ear, tip his head, and see if it comes out the other.

"He pulls out," Tasha says bluntly. "And there's never any, you know. Gunk."

"Wait, he does both?" Steve's eyebrows disappear into his hair. "A condom and--"

"Ok, ok." James puts up his hands to shush them both. "And this is, what, this is your dealer we're talking about?"

"Yeah, I guess, if you want to call him that," Tasha says with a shrug.

"What else would we call him?" Steve now looks disgusted. "That'd be stupid to let him just, like, defile you every week."

"He doesn't--" Tasha starts, but then she hiccups, and maybe thinks better of what she was going to say. She still stares Steve down, though, then looks to James as if grasping at straws of support.

"He's, like, a manufacturer?" Tasha turns her gaze sideways.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." James puts his hand over his face. He'd assumed Tasha was getting her stuff on the street, through a framework of various interlopers. Now he's getting news that his kid sister is taking substances thrown together in some coed's bathtub? This is too much.

"Tash--" James starts, trying hard to keep his bubbling anger and concern from spilling over.

"He's a PhD candidate," Tasha says defensively. In Chemistry. And--" her eyes flicker from side to side as she seems to wonder what's appropriate to spill. "I won't tell you his name. But... I'll tell you that he got kicked off the football team for being too violent, but he still wears his green jersey all the time to prove how much better and calmer he's become since that happened, which was only in the freshman year of his undergrad..." Tasha babbles on.

The more she defends the guy, the more James hates him. He feels bad for him a little, slinging synthesized crack to get by. He feels better for Tasha, knowing that what she's taking is most probably pure. But the sex thing is--

"It's kinda creepy," Steve says, taking the words right from James's mouth. "Like, how much older than you is he?"

"I don't know." Tasha shrugs. "Not that much, I don't think. Started school early, finished fast. And I'm not sure this is his first post-graduate program..."

"Maybe shouldn't've added that last part," James says, screwing up his eyes. "So he's had, like, however long to prey on girls who are barely legal. Who might not even be legal..."

"Well, I'm legal, and I can do what I want." Tasha crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Yeah," James sighs. "Unfortunately."

"But what about the thing with the handcuffs? The gang rape? Losing your bra?" Steve blurts out.

"Wait, you..." Tasha's eyes flash with anger. "You told him?"

"What did I say about privacy?" James quickly reminds her. "The non-puking kind? And, um," He looks to Steve. "Maybe a little respect?"

"Sorry," Steve mutters. "But--I really do--"

"I don't really remember that stuff," Tasha says.

James studies her face, but he can't tell if she's lying.

"Probably just party stuff that got out of hand."

'You mean you were too stoned to know the difference between your regular and some random dude off the street,' James thinks. 'What do you do at parties? And how the fuck do you slip past me?'

"He's your pimp, too, isn't he?" Steve asks, pointing at Tasha rather accusatorially, in James's opinion.

"No!" Tasha leans forward and brings her arms down to cover her clearly still sore abdomen. "Bruce wouldn't--" She swallows. "I didn't-- You didn't hear--"

James hasn't been a student long enough to know who was on the football team 4, 5, 6-odd years ago. He supposes he could look it up, crossing the name with accounts of any violent incident that amount of time ago. He's not sure he wants to, though he'll probably wind up looking it up later. Either that, or Steve will. James still has his ex-mil connections, a few of which were absorbed into the local police force. Steve, on the other hand, is better with social media and navigating the niceties of such mysteries as SnapChat and TikTok.

"Ok, fine," James says, just ameliorate his sister's panic.

"He doesn't even drug me at parties," Tasha goes on, probably unaware of how terribly young and desperate she sounds, making lame-ass excuses so she can keep her boy toy.

"And you've had other guys who did?" Steve asks incredulously, even though James shakes his head frantically at him to try to get him to shut up.

"You know Rumlow?" Tasha asks, since apparently she's now all about spilling names.

James shakes his head, but Steve screws up his eyes and says in a disgusted voice, "him?"

"Yeah..." Tasha sighs and looks down at her fingernails, which are stained rust-red at the root. "Remember the night I didn't come home?"

"Yeah, and scared the living shit out of us because your phone was off," James fills in the blanks.

"Well, I didn't turn it off."

"You mean that asshole kept you overnight without any means of getting yourself out of there?" Steve looks downright sick. "I mean, I know he looks slimy, but that?"

"I think Maria accidentally slept on the couch and found me at, like, 6am trying to stick my head in the linen closet because I couldn't find the bathroom." Tasha laughs, though the situation is anything bur funny.

"And I was so pissed at her for having you out all night..." James trails off.

"Yeah, maybe respect my choices a little more?" Tasha glares at him. "I mean, Maria's studying to become an EMT now. You can't think that badly of her."

'Great,' James thinks. 'Someone who'll drug Tasha to the gills every weekend.' She'll be less likely to overdose, but James has seen it all too often in the field. Newly minted medical personnel eager to sow off their skills and rushing into action.

"Yeah," James says, trying not to smirk. "So you got a girlfriend and a boyfriend now?"

"Ew, no," Tasha replies. "Friends with...benefits, I guess. If you even want to call it that. Folks who look out for each other, using a barter system?"

"Did you recently take World History?" James can't help but poking at her vocabulary.

"Fucking-a, I don't know. Once I pass, it's in my past."

"That's actually a good motto," Steve points out.

"Anyway," James says, bringing the conversation back to topic. "None of your...friends... are invited to this house."

"It's not like I want to bring them over for dinner," Tasha replies. "I guess drop off and pickup might happen, since, well, you know now, and I don't have a car." She shrugs. "Cool?"

James hates the idea of someone inebriated driving a car in which his sister is a passenger, despite the fact that he's done it before. Regularly, actually. Maybe he just hates the idea of the driver being someone who Tasha just fucked. The air might be heavy between them. They might smell like each other's deodorant and musk. They might kiss each other good bye. The thought makes James's stomach turn.

But, "sure," he says. "That's fine.” At least she'll come home.

James shares a glance with Steve, which seems to confirm the same sentiments, "Yeah," Steve echoes, as if his opinion counts for anything. "Fine."

12 notes · View notes

milarvela · 4 years ago

Text

It’s a Sin

Watched the show and while it was entertaining enough I can’t say I much agree with the glowing reviews. Three stars out of five for some good acting and for keeping me from wanting to switch it off.

The first episode was going to be fun and sexy, I’d read. Huh? The sex was meh, hardly very daring scenes, not much emotions involved, nothing was particularly hot or engaging either. Yes, young men doing each other willy-nilly was the point (I guess) but you’d think there had been maybe just once something that looked like they were actually gagging for each other. The one promising scene was in a later episode when Ritchie met a childhood friend, nothing happened though. At least they managed to have a proper conversation. At one point there was a sort of boyfriend too but that was over as soon as Ritchie spotted a suspicious-looking spot on boyfriend’s back. What even happened to that guy? Sure didn’t help make Ritchie feel more sympathetic. Yes, I get he was young and thoughtless and in denial and all that and realism too. But offer something to make me like your main character.

Maybe part of it was that I found none of the actors hot. Nothing much fun in the fun first episode either. Okay, Ritchie’s mentally ill sister probably was meant to be laughed at, and not having an acceptably clean butt for fucking was maybe a joke too. Oh, and wokelings should know that there are black people being idiots about religion there too. Let’s see some cancellation demands! I did laugh with the women who started laughing at incurable sodomite young man’s outfit. Tra-la-las should be offended by that. Which makes it even more fun of course.

Character-wise, most everybody was either a homophobe or totally on board with their sons. Well, the mothers anyway. Fathers had some nuance. Last episode, the worst of them, turned into a Keeley Hawes show and she rather overdid her thing, almost unintentional fun there, her reaction to finding out about the gay/sick and then whisking her son away and not letting his friends visit. Speaking of whom, the third very peculiar female character was Jill, Ritchie’s best friend. Basically, she once introduced a guy to him and then suddenly they were inseparable. No explanation whatsoever for why she had no life of her own, all her free time was spent with a bunch of gays, and then she became some sort of AIDS volunteer/activist. Why? I mean, nothing wrong with that but why? Couldn’t we have seen the friendship develop a bit?

I don’t understand why Ritchie let his rubbish parents and horrible sister take him back home when he had close friends and understanding hospital personnel as an alternative.

Overall, I think there were way too many characters for only five episodes, nobody got enough screen time and the best actor (at least in this show) was killed in the first episode and my other favourite in the third (I think it was). I would’ve loved to watch a show about their lives alone. But to introduce sexual harassment in the show made me roll my eyes. Does there have to be everything? And was that washing hands scene another attempt at fun? Oh, and this side story had the fourth rubbish female character. The office worker who was apparently evil incarnate, so very too much OTT.

I’m trying to remember something worth mentioning about Ash and Roscoe, who apparently were Ritchie’s good friends too. Ash was the wash your butt guy? And some sort of teacher’s assistant maybe? Roscoe was the Nigerian problem son who got money from being a toyboy for a rich politician played by Stephen Fry. But then he saw the light and predictably ditched him to go to a AIDS demonstration. Only after peeing in the coffee meant for Thatcher though. Hehe? He too had a weird sister who apparently didn’t invite him to her wedding but was happy to see him watch her from a car outside.

The sister was black, so I suspect she wasn’t intended to be nothing but supportive, same goes for Jill the friend. She actually was supportive, apparently had nothing to do for weeks other than spend time in some b&b hoping that she could visit Ritchie. Why didn’t she just show up at the house? The cool white women were the fat nurse and the wheelchair using mother. The efficient female lawyer had a headscarf and wasn’t white either. The understanding female doctor looked Asian. Don’t they call this sort of casting box ticking?

Possibly I’m forgetting someone and concentrating on female characters because Davies said only gay actors should play gay characters, so naturally that makes me curious about a gay man’s writing of female characters. Maybe not make them so extreme next time? Well, the harassing male boss and the conservative male politician were white, fat, old and closeted, so there’s that too.

Last but not least: Where was all the music by Pet Shop Boys? If you’re naming the show after their song, why not have more of their music. Though I don’t think It’s a Sin is a very accurate name for the show. Thankfully. Apart from those Nigerian nutjobs and a couple of funerals, there wasn’t much of religion included. Not all that preachy in other ways either, despite the pointy casting and the occasional pointy finger, like when condoms were being pesky.

#It's a Sin #Russell T Davies

19 notes · View notes

lordseochangbin · 5 years ago

Text

scene stealers

3racha imagine + smut— this is so filthy im so sorry i don’t know what this msksks

the dim, neon lights of the large studio and the consistent beat that allured your attention kept you distant from the few people around you. headphones covered your ears as your fingers brushed the dust off of the mix board in front of you and when the song came to an end, you quickly took them off.

“it’s perfect!” you said to the three boys sitting in the small black sofa behind you.

“dope!! now lets get this shit on the new album” chan winked before getting up to get the door.

“look who’s here” changbin smirked as jennifer walked in, her long legs practically glowing in her tight green shorts despite the dim lighting. you let out an annoyed sigh before waving at her and pretending to go back to work.

how many times has jennifer been joining the four of you in the studio now? 15.. no no.. 20 times now? you didn’t know what it was about her. when she was around you seemed somehow.. lacking. the presence of three handsome men around you made you feel loved but when their eyes were on someone else you felt at loss. their eyes were definitely on jennifer, in fact if you didn’t have such a harsh deadline to meet you probably would’ve drooled over her in gay as well. just like the three men behind you, their focus entirely on her figure as she sat on chan’s lap.

enough about jennifer, what about this harsh deadline in front of you? you were no where close to finished, in fact jennifer’s arrival made it all the worse. for no reason you just felt the need to slap that dumbass bitch in the face. but you had no reason to.

well, no justifiable reason.

your feelings for jisung were the only things in sight, like it contaminated your occipital and the only thing that functioned was your beating heart and the jealously practically raging inside. if jennifer dared to look at jisung for one second, you would slit your throat- no. no... too dramatic. if she even touched if swear to motherfucking-

“y/n.. why are your shoulder’s so tense babe” changbin whispered in your ear, his hands wrapped around your neck as he slowly pressed on your pleasure points. changbin knew your body like a map, your midnight conversations about your kinks and expectations practically drawing the road for him. but he never took advantage of this.

you stretched your back when changbin’s hands drifted to your waist, his eyes glued to the screen realizing you hadn’t gotten any work done. “i’m just... not feeling it today changbin” you sighed, taking a sip of water before chan could seat himself on the chair next to you.

oh no, not this again. chan and changbin, they were like your two little horndogs. always wanting to get their hands on you, and you only encouraged it. letting them get a taste before leaving them to fend for themselves.

chan slyly placed a hand on your thigh, massaging it through the denim as he stared at the screen as well. “your not doing so well, huh princess?”

yes, these words did get you dripping wet. yes, you did want to take these two boys to the private rooms upstairs and...and maybe do things you shouldn’t do with your two best friends. wait, two?!

you turned your spinney chair around, ignoring the two men beside you before seeing the sight before you. jisung and jennifer literally making out on the couch, fucking disgusting.

you got up in your seat, causing jisung to look up and chan to jump. “i’m leaving, i’ll finish it tomorrow” you said, grabbing your bag and exiting the room. the slightest of tears blurring your vision before you could whip them off and call it a night.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

after a long night of tossing and turning, you decided to start the morning fresh and brand new. you, and i mean you, were going to confess your feelings to han jisung. there was a little hope for mutual feelings but mutual or not you decided this was the only way to move past him. just rip it off like a bandage, and then you can give chan and changbin a real chance.

you wore a black crop top with a plaid skirt and jisung’s favorite combat boots and headed out for the door. by the end of the day, you would be smiling in satisfaction whether you liked it or not.

small skips made your trip down the hallway to your studio cheerful before jisung could step in your tracks, making you stop abruptly in front of him

“hey, y/n! are you good? i saw the way you looked last night before you left”

“yeah, i’m doing alright.. thanks jisung!” you exclaimed before continuing your way to the studio. wait shit, maybe you should tell him now?? later??

you turned on your heels to see jisung facing you as well. “wait!” you both said in unison. laughing at the coincidence you two quickly met again

“you go first” jisung said eagerly before you could stop him, “no..no you go first!!” you replied with a smile on your face. you were sure what you had to say was going to end the conversation.

“i...ummm” jisung started.

“mhmm” you hummed, waiting for him to get over what he had to say as butterflies flipped your stomach

“i... i think i’m falling for jennifer. i’m gonna confess to her tonight”

you almost choked on your breath before you could pull a quick cover, “i’m sorry.. what?”

“i really like her y/n, only you and me know about this”

“well.. good for you jisung!” you said, giving him a pat on the back before looking back at your studio door. “well i have to get working now, good luck with jennifer” you winked before running back.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

seven hours later, you found yourself writing a track about how you should “never follow your heart” and “it leads to heartbreak, dont trust yourself folks”. completely different from stray kids message. as one of their producers you knew this was a failed production, pulling down your pair of headphones and throwing them to the ground

what was up with you? you told yourself by the end of the day you were going to feel brand new. at the moment you felt raged over past lovers. it was devastating, to see jisung find a girl like that but it was the only truth.

finishing off the song on a terrible note you grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder as you walked past the hall in the full moon’s midnight.

the building was dead silent, only for the slightest of sounds to be heard. your instinct asked you to follow it, the sounds leading to the spare room. you stood by the doorway, taking a peek inside to see jisung and jennifer.

“shit” you cursed, quickly turning away and blinking quickly a few times. this wasn’t real right?? they weren’t seriously fucking in your company building right?

you took another peek inside to find yourself taken back. jisung found on the edge of the table, his hips thrusting into jennifer’s at rapid pace and it only got you thinking, ‘what if that were me?’

shit, bad move y/n. it was one thing to imagine it, but after you said it to yourself it became real. what if that were you? you felt the all too familiar wetness build up near your core as the need to fulfill it came by.

screw it, if they thought they could make out in the company building, what’s wrong with pleasuring yourself? your felt your hand unconsciously pull your jeans down, your fingers brushing over your folds as you teased yourself before dipping them in. you knew it wasn’t jisung but the thought of him kept you doing as your fingers came in and out.

adding a third finger in, you felt yourself come your orgasm, the juices falling over your fingers. taking a second to regain your posture you grabbed a few tissues from your bag to clean up.

after you pulled up your jeans you took a second to look back before walking away, leaving all your feelings at the door.

“y/n!” you heard a voice call from behind you.

you were hoping to not be disturbed as you tried to runaway, but you quickly found yourself running into chan’s arms.

“y/n...” chan whispered, his arms inviting you in for a hug. “what’s wrong?” he asked, his fingers running through your hair.

“nothing’s wrong chan” you replied with a shaky voice.

chan grabbed your cheeks in his hand, giving it a little squeeze before responding.

“don’t lie y/n, im not a stranger you know”

you chuckled at how well he knew you before giving him a tight hug.

“ill explain later, now can we grab some food or something? im starving”

“of course, my treat” chan said before dragging you to the elevators nearby

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

the next day you had to work with jisung to finish the song you had been procrastinating on ironically because of him. a few hours were dedicated to purely finishing the track before you two could plop down on the couch, sharing a burger and fries like you two always did.

“hold on.. wait jisung you have a little something” you said, grabbing a napkin to wipe the ketchup off his face

jisung watched as your leaned closer, slowing leaning himself back

“jisung, quit it!!” you giggled as jisungs expressioned turned into a smile.

you reached out to wipe the sauce off because you could lose your balance, falling on jisungs chest.

jisung panted in relief, his chest rising and falling below your cheek. “y/n...” he whispered, his hands finding themselves wrapped around your waist.

he missed times like this, and so did you. the sudden comfort you two brought each together was indescribable and that’s why you two worked so well with music. you were each other’s muse, each other’s inspiration.

you got up from his chest, smiling as his smirk turned into a frown. your cheeks flustered red as he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“i missed you, you seemed off these past few days but i want you to know im here- okay?”

“okay...” you whispered in a soft voice, “im gonna go to the bathroom” you continued, trying to break the awkward vibe in the room.

“no problem” jisung said, grabbing the bag of french fries as he watched you leave the room.

you walked out the door, your heart beating out of your chest. not being able to handle it, you had to get yourself out of there. seconds could’ve slipped by and you would’ve kissed him. you really wanted to kiss him.

checking the clock, you realized time passed by much quicker with jisung and it was already late in the night. the quiet halls of the building gave it away, except this time you knew you weren’t alone with jisung.

funny thing was, you heard those voices one again. was this like... some sort of ghost trying to remind you of what happened last night? the sounds felt all too real, all too heated as you followed them to the same room from last night...

and you saw what you never thought you’d have to witness.

it was jennifer and chan.

your jaw dropped at the night, chan biting his lip and jennifer’s naked figure ahead of him. but this time you didn’t feel the same.

cut chan some slack, you remembered jisung mentioning you were the only two who knew about the relationship. but jennifer, god you knew there was just something about her. you should’ve followed your first impressions.

you made your way to the door, taking a second to catch your breath before contemplating about what you were about to do. should you tell him what you just saw?

without a response, you unconsciously opened the door. jisung was playing on his phone before you could interrupt him.

“jisung! jisung look im..” you said in a ‘hate to break it to you’ tone

“what’s up?” jisung said, putting his phone away to listen to you

“look... i was walking past the hallway and in one of the rooms i saw chan.. and jennifer”

“chan and jennifer?” he said, unsure of what you were trying to point out

“and jennifer was naked” you put emphasis on the last word to see if it’ll help jisung connect the dots but nothing seemed to happen

“y/n...” he chuckled, “look i know what you’re thinking. jennifer is some soft or slut or whorebag and she’s stealing all my attention for you but that’s why im here today!! you didnt have to make up a lie or something” he explained, getting up from his seat

“no..no wait! im serious!!” you responded anxiously, stopping jisung from leaving before he could grab your wrists and give it a small squeeze

“y/n, stop being such a spoiled brat. i know we’re best friends but i can’t always be there.”

“spoiled brat?” you repeated jisungs words. as shocked as you were to see him call you that, you were even more surprised that he had chosen to believe his girlfriend over the girl friend he had for 14 year.

“fuck you, jisung. leave. just go” you said, pointing at the door before watching him shrug his shoulders and leave.

sobbing into the napkins from your mcdonalds order,youre trying to be as quiet as possible now that you’re aware of how the walls fail to be soundproof.

your thinking about apologizing, just going back into jisungs arms when you feel the comfort of two buff arms above you.

“y/n, you good?!” changbin asks in a worried tone, bring your head to his chest.

“i really need someone to hug right now” you said, your voice shaky as you broke into tears again.

“im all arms” changbin said. you grabbed his biceps, pulling him into a hug before finding comfort in his warm upper body

“literally” you giggled, giving his arms a little squeeze

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

the next day, you found yourself stuck with jisung again. he seemed quite sympathetic however, not apologizing for last night but still treating you with a kinder tone.

chan and jisung seemed closer, and it gave you chills. your mind wondered around, what if chan knew jennifer was jisung’s girlfriend?

you shook your head, no.. no that can’t be.

diverting your attention to the boys, you walked out on them again. they watched you leave the room in silence before you could, once again, hear that all too familiar sound.

taking a few steps towards the room, you placed your ear next to the door.

soon your senses forced you to look inside, seeing jennifer seating herself on changbin’s leg.

jisung... god jennifer needs to just fuck off. before you knew it jisung was staggering out of your studio, running towards the door you were listening into.

“jisung...”

“y/n.. what are you looking at?” jisung said, taking a peek inside before gasping

“you were right, she was cheating on us” chan said, not hesistating to take a step forward and open the door.

in a split second, jennifer turned her head, startled for your arrival. “guys!” she exclaimed, before changbin could softly push her off her leg.

“guys... what do you mean guys? fuck off jennifer” jisung said, making you smile at the words you had wanted to say to her so badly

“look changbin...jisung.. chan i can explain” she started before being interrupted by chan

“there’s no explaining, just leave before we embarrass you even more”

chan’s words made jennifer’s cheeks red before she could run out of the room.

you gasped at the way she left, looking towards the boys who were now standing side by side in front of you.

“wait, you guys knew?!” you asked, looking at jisung

“yes y/n.. im so sorry i didn’t listen to you”

you shook your head in disbelief, “well how did you find out?”

this question left changbin and chan laughing before chan could grab jisung’s steady shoulder

“y-you won’t believe it y/n, she said jisung’s name while making out with me! you think this beauty could even compare to that?!” chan asked sarcastically

“ i hope you’ll forgive me.. i didn’t mean to get mad at you. i only found out last night” jisung said, his hands tight in his pockets as he waiting for you to reply

you looked down at the ground trying to put the pieces together before responding “it’s alright jisung, i won’t let some girl get in between the three of us”you smiled.

looking at the three boys in silence was something of a rare occasion. your legs squeeze together as you remember how well they worked around jennifer... just thinking.. hoping

“fuck, y/n” changbin said, biting him lip. “if you could be any more obvious”

jisung snickered at changbin’s comment, “who is y/n looking at with her pussy so wet like that? i really can’t tell”

you inhaled sharply at chan’s words.

“now tell us y/n... who do you like out of the three of us?” chan asked, his arms crossed as he looked down on you

“uh…i don’t know. i used to like jisung but now i like all three of you?” you replied with a stutter.

in the three years of being with 3racha you never knew it’d end up like this. the sexual tension in the room made your heart beat fast and their presense intimidated you like no other.

“pfft, you hear that hyung? she likes all three of us” jisung said with a smirk, taking you by surprise that your own friend could call you out.

this excitement only reached its peak when changbin stepped forward, placing a finger beneath your chin so your eyes can meet his

“that’s right… y/n is our little slut” he smirked. you let out a whine at his tone before chan’s arms could wrap around your waist from behind, “and what should we do with our little slut?” he asked, making your body fall into his touch like putty

jisung let out a chuckle before he could join the three of you, his hand slithering underneath your dress.

“hyungs, we fuck her senseless until she can decide who she likes

chan was quick to grab your hips, grinding your ass over his hard member as jisung slowly tugged down your pretty skirt

“babygirl, who are you so wet for?” changbin whispered in your ear before his hands could rip open your shirt, quickly reaching for your bra.

with chan’s assistance your bra was taken off, jisung’s fingers giving you no mercy and thrusting his fingers in and out of your core.

the three boys set you on fire, your back arching for more of each boy. changbin’s lips met your erected nipple and he sucked on it harshly. chan’s pants coming off as you continued to grind on his member. jisungs fingers working wonders on your clit.

it felt like an endless cycle of pleasures, receiving and giving with no stops. you were so close to your high, your ass moving on chan so jisung’s fingers could meet your sweet spot.

hands were all over your body, each exposed piece of skin warm as the boys spoiled you with love.

“fuck.. fuck y/n are you close?” jisung said, groaning at the sight of you tightening around his fingers.

“g-god yes!” you squealed as you cummed all over jisung’s fingers.

chan smirked, making eye contact with changbin as they held onto your shaking legs.

“you think you can help us out now babygirl?” chan asked, placing a few kisses on your neck to help you calm down from your high.

you nodded submissively before you could lie down on the ground. not knowing how this was going to work, you lied on your back hoping the three would figure it out and oh boy did they figure it out.

changbin held his member to near your lips. “open up, princess” he commanded, you politely obeying and letting his slip his cock into your mouth.

he started off with slow movements, your tongue playing around as he stroked your cheeks. “you’re doing so well” he praised, smiling as tears came across your eyes while he sped up.

the pain soon turned into pleasure, your hips squirming before chan could hold them tight.

“you ready babygirl?” chan asked, placing a few kisses on your abdomen. you nodded, bobbing your head up and down on changbin’s member as you did so causing him to moan.

at the sudden movement, chan entered his member into your dripping core. one hand held onto your hip, nailing digging into your skin whil the other grabbed changbin’s shoulder to pace himself.

both boys groaned as their high was approaching, jisung pumping himself as he watched the masterpiece before himself. it seemed almost like a porn clip, something people would throw their money at if broadcasted.

three beautiful boys and you, the two of them reaching their high. chan’s thrusts slowed down as his nails digged deeper into your skin.

“im close y/n” chan said before he could cum inside you.

a line full of curses followed as your tongue swirled around changbin’s cock, causing him to cum inside your mouth as well.

to make sure you were okay, changbin got off you and watched as your heavy panting could take over. you licked your lips dry before collapsing onto the ground, “fuck, that was so hot” you chuckled to yourself.

“that was..” chan agree before the three boys could sit side by side next to you.

jisung came closer to your lips, pressing a small kiss before pushing away the stranded pieces of hair that stuck to your forehead with sweat

“you did amazing love” jisung whispered with a smile

changbin joined in as well, his hand rubbing your inner thigh as he kissed a few spots near your core making you whine from the pain

“don’t worry baby, you did so well”

you smiled as the three boys looked at you with such satisfaction before chan could grab your hand

“but i guess the original question was... who do you like out of the three of us?”

you took a deep breath as they looked at you with anticipation, waiting for an answer. you took a second to look at chan, jisung, and changbin before licking your lips.

“i like....”

a/n: you choose reader ! :D

370 notes · View notes

lightsandlostbells · 4 years ago

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 2 reaction

In this episode, stuff ... happens ... in theory? Reminder again that negative opinions lie within, don’t read if you would prefer not to hear them.

EPISODE 2

Clip 1 - Morning after housewarming party

Zoë shows Robbe around the kitchen the night after the party, Senne goes off to “drink coffee in a clean room - it wasn’t my party” so there’s a moment of awkwardness with Zoë, I guess? I will say this: I’m not a Noorhelm fan, but I don’t mind seeing them being actually domestic instead of pointless drama, and while I don’t want the season to focus a ton on it, I don’t mind seeing drama that’s more grounded and less terrible than William and all the Nikolai rape response stuff.

A random dude who’s a one-night stand of Milan’s appears in the kitchen and Robbe and Zoë giggle. I was going to say that I wish Robbe appeared maybe a little more thrown/uncomfortable with it, or awkward, but then you can see him looking at the guy … considering … like maybe “hey I liked seeing that dude in his underwear” or just “hmmm wonder what it would be like to have a one-night stand with a man … gay thoughts can’t catch me” so like. An actual good moment! If they had combined this into episode 1, it would’ve really worked well and got us into Robbe’s attraction to men right off the bat.

But hey, both can happen! Show Robbe as awkward when confronted with proof of Milan’s gayness, yes sir there is man-fucking happening under this roof, and then at the end, have his discomfort turn to slight interest at the dude in his underwear. Robbe is conflicted in that he’s not comfortable with all this gay stuff, but at the same time, he can’t help but be intrigued.

On the one hand I think it helps to have the Isak more socially isolated at the start, but I do think Robbe and Zoë are really cute pals so far.

Clip 2 - Robbe and Noor in store (heh)

Robbe goes to meet Noor at work, she works in retail at a clothing store. They smile and make out. ...Why? Why is he actively pursuing her?

From a narrative perspective, pretend I don’t know where this season is going. Pretend I don’t know we are actually headed for a gay romance - which, hey, is kinda fair because we haven’t even met the male love interest yet. I am getting very mixed messages as to what Robbe wants. He seems to like this girl! But he didn’t want to have sex with her. OK… so maybe he’s asexual, or maybe he’s just not ready for sex. Maybe he feels nervous or like he has no idea what he’s doing because he’s a virgin, IDK. Perhaps we need to establish more clearly that Robbe’s hesitation in having sex or going farther with Noor is due to his lack of interest in girls, contrasted with his interest in guys.

Of course, I know internalized homophobia is a thing, and that Isak did the same thing with Emma. But consider that we actively saw how his pursuit of her clashed with his inner feelings - we saw him try to avoid her, we saw his lack of interest in the bathroom or at kosegruppa , especially compared to his interest in Even, OR when he did pursue her, we saw him pressured by his friends to attend her party, or we saw him have to psych himself up in order to speak to her. There was contrast all the time. And we also saw a clear cause and effect when Isak did pursue her: Isak was Googling about how to be into girls when you’re gay. It was very clear that Isak’s external actions were at odds with his internal desires. I’m not saying that we need wtFOCK to spell out the same for Robbe. HOWEVER, we do need more to go off, because otherwise this reads as a teenage boy who likes a girl, but who isn’t super into sex with her, which could result from several reasons other than him being gay.

And yeah, there are a few moments where we tentatively broach the topic of gayness. But not many! As I mentioned previously those moments are also muddled with other issues, like the guys ditching Robbe for the girls is muddled with him being sad about his mom. Him apologizing to Milan is muddled with what could genuinely be an awkward moment, like Robbe could hypothetically be a straight dude who didn’t have the best reaction to a guy trying to kiss him? It seems like the most definitive evidence of Robbe being gay was in previous seasons, not this one.

But they’re making it feel like Robbe really likes Noor. They’re not selling me on where Robbe is in his journey. Is he trying to act straight for an audience, as Isak did? That makes no sense when he’s going out with Noor on his own, with none of his boys around. Is he in denial? Is he trying to act straight for his own sake? That makes more sense, but that’s when I really need more introspective Robbe POV. And I’m a big fan of show don’t tell, yet Isak’s season managed to be so subtle about it while making it obvious what his deal was, infusing every clip with the themes, letting us know what’s in Isak’s head. I have no idea what’s in Robbe’s head right now.

I guess maybe he went to visit Noor because Milan’s one night stand man gave him gay feelings and he needed to combat them? IDK, dude.

Anyway, Jana is there shopping and Noor drags Robbe into a changing stall, they make out, Jana interrupts to get Noor’s opinion. Robbe seems less enthusiastic but waits in the stall until Noor returns. Noor comes back in and she and Robbe make out, getting hot and heavy, borderline foreplay until Jana needs her help again. Robbe seems unenthusiastic. Noor goes back to work. Robbe gets a text from his mom asking why he doesn’t visit, does he not love her. Ouch! That’s actually a good moment for the family drama. Robbe looks conflicted.

Also, I like the shot of Robbe reflecting in the changing room mirrors.

What was the point of this scene when the EXACT SAME THING happened in the last episode, just two clips ago? Noor tries to get it on with Robbe, he’s not into it, they’re interrupted.

Was the point to have Jana there? Why is she there, anyway, is this going to be a plot point? Because she could have been the one to interrupt them last time if she needs to know about their relationship for some reason. Although everyone seems to know about Robbe/Noor getting together anyway, so ??? Was it to have someone interrupt them in the changing stall? Because that could have been any random customer who needed help. I mean, Noor’s manager could have yelled for her to come help with something.

The only thing that’s really different about this clip was the text from his mom, which could have occurred in ANY setting, like in the kitchen scene with Zoë.

Jana could have been there to reference her previous suspicion of Robbe’s sexuality, like she sees him and Noor and we can tell she doesn’t fully buy their relationship. But that doesn’t come through in the acting (no disrespect to the actress, because that is all on the director to come up with that angle). Or maybe Jana calling for Noor to help her could have seemed more calculated, like maybe Robbe seemed awkward with Noor, she picked up on that, and now she’s trying to help him out.

A small POV moment: we don’t need to see Jana and Noor outside the changing stall. It’s not necessary, their conversation has zero importance (like was this an ad for this clothing store or....) What would have been effective? Sitting with Robbe inside the stall, focusing on his miserable reaction, seeing him trying to psych himself up for Noor makeouts. We hear Jana and Noor talking outside the stall but it comes across as distant and detached - which is what Robbe is feeling.

Clip 3 - Robbe goes to see his mom

We see Robbe in the hallway of the hospital - an actual good moment, potentially. He apologizes to Noor via text for leaving suddenly. She’s working, dude, you shouldn’t be there anyway.

I don’t mind Robbe meeting with his mom, that could be very good, but it’s also such a radical change that I hope they actually do something with it. If Robbe is willing to visit his mom in a mental health facility, then is he more informed about mental illness in general, and how will that affect his relationship with the Even? Etc. This is actually a big change from Isak’s attitudes about mental illness, and it doesn’t make as much sense for Robbe to parrot those same ignorant attitudes later. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Robbe gets home from meeting with his mom. He tries to dodge Zoë’s questions about it, but she says, “You can try it with Jens and them, but not with me.” Well, on the one hand, I like Zoë and this is a nice relationship. On the other hand … uhhh, how close are she and Robbe yet, really? They’re getting friendly but are they at this level?

Robbe is like, you don’t know how long this has been going on and Zoë apologizes. I do like that Zoë doesn’t really know what’s up and is giving him kinda generic advice? But also … I think part of the power of the Magnus talk was that Isak had been keeping the extent of his mom issues and his issues with mentally ill people to himself, when all this time he had a friend who understood. One of S3′s lessons for Isak was about opening up to people - that he wasn’t alone - and Magnus’ insight into having a mentally ill parent is one of the ways that lesson proves itself. For Robbe to be getting a pep talk about supporting mentally ill people so early on in the season seems like it could potentially undermine both the arc with his mother AND his relationship with Even, like … he’s had someone counseling him on dealing with mentally ill people all along, before he even meets his Even. I mean, Zoë basically gives the Sonja talk here. And now he’s also been in regular contact with his mentally ill mom. So while of course he can still have serious issues with mentally ill people, it does present quite differently from someone who’s been keeping them at arm’s length, like Isak. You have to account for that. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Milan comes in with his boytoy, Milan sprays whipped cream in his man’s mouth, they kiss. This was done well, actually, because Robbe is shown in between them, and we see him taking them in, like … huh, two men kissing! Interesting!

Robbe has a Moment and Zoë asks Milan and the guy to stop with the PDA. He calls out her hypocrisy since she’s always making out with Senne. (He’s right based on what we saw of them earlier.)

OK, Senne opening his mouth so Milan can spray whipped cream inside is actually adorable, and I kinda dig having an Eskild and a William interact in an affectionate way.

Robbe watches the men kissing again, hmmmm. Good job, this is what we need from his POV.

Senne is leaving to go hang out with his pal. Zoë seems kinda sad he’s not eating with them. I mean all things considered, taking it at face value so far, this seems like normal couple shit and not something to make a big deal out of. Things change when you move in together or when one of you goes to university, duh. Not that it’s bad to explore this, just that it’s not a huge cause for concern yet.

I laughed because the subs say that Zoë describes the salad as “lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese” and that is definitely not what we see on screen. But at least Zoë being fussy over what Robbe eats is some good characterization, it makes sense for her.

Clip 4 - Skate park

The boys are talking about how to jerk off with a numb hand. Robbe shares a Look with a dude who walks by, Now that definitely is the Even, right? Unless they were just messing with audience expectations? (EDIT from the future: Looks like Sander to me, but I don’t know what the audience consensus is.)

Jens recommends jerking off with toothpaste … okay as a non-dick haver I cannot vouch for this but. I feel like this would lead to Bad Things. Aaron’s reaction of clutching his crotch seems apt.

Is bike dude the Even instead???

OK LMAO NO, IT’S NOOR, I couldn’t tell because of the distance at first and also because my visual processing skills are not the greatest.

See, it would’ve been better if it were the Even. Because I thought they were grilling Robbe on having sex with Noor while his attention kept drifting back to the guy on the bike, which is decent storytelling and communicates where his interest really is ... but it’s actually Noor so there’s none of that subtext there.

Robbe rushing to make out with Noor can at least be interpreted as him wanting to show off for the boys. Moyo wants to join in? Hmmmm.

You dumbasses KNOW you interrupted the sex, weirdos.

Wait, so ... what was the point of this scene?

I’m not trying to be funny, I’m asking seriously. Everything in this scene was either irrelevant to the overall story OR something that had already been established, such as Robbe’s awkwardness about sex with Noor ... or the fact that he’s with Noor ... the boys knowing that he’s dating Noor? About the only thing that was new to this clip was the brief glance between Robbe and the mystery dude, something that could have been included in another clip. Are we setting up that Moyo is interested in Noor? Maybe they get together after Robbe breaks up with her? (EDIT from the future: no) Or there’s a dramatic scene where Jens is rushed to the hospital after a toothpaste-related dick mishap? (EDIT from the future: no, although it would have improved the season immensely)

Clip 5 - Seaside arrangements

So I guess the boy squad makes YouTube videos or w/e?

Aaron’s happy to see Amber approach. Amber asks if Noor is coming to the seaside. So what, is there a joint girl and boy squad beach trip or whatever? The seaside trip is to hook up, I guess.

God, I would actually kinda dig Aaron and Luca as a couple more than Aaron and Amber.

Robbe looks bummed that Noor will be joining them, and at the prospect of “sex on the beach” so hurrah for that detail.

Err, kinda weird, though, that the point of this clip seems to be nagging Robbe into inviting Noor (which is fine, a way to communicate his discomfort and the fact that he’s in too deep with Noor) but then at the end Amber is like oh nm, Britt already asked Noor and she’s coming? So the whole bit with nagging Robbe ... did not matter. I think it would have worked better either way: Robbe is peer pressured into inviting the girl he didn’t want to go, OR Robbe is powerless to prevent the girl he doesn’t want to go from coming with them. It just feels like this is unfocused writing by trying to have it both ways.

So will the YouTube thing be plot relevant?

Clip 6 - Boy squad and Noor in hallway

12:21, I see what you did there. Maybe.

Noor is handing out flyers for a school performance, she kisses Robbe. WAY TOO MUCH TIME IS SPENT ON NOOR AND ROBBE.

If I were watching this show with NO prior knowledge of this storyline, I think I would feel so unbalanced when Even comes around? Even with the previous hints about Robbe from earlier seasons.

Robbe is like, I don’t think this dance is for me, while the boys look around. Uhhh, I mean … if this is supposed to be the equivalent of Emma’s pre-drink, it’s stupid? Getting invited to drink with a girl you made out with once =/= getting invited to a dance performance by a girl you are clearly dating and making out with every opportunity. One of these is clearly a bigger deal. I get that Robbe isn’t into her (SUPPOSEDLY) but this is just a weird way to adapt that scene. He’s not trying to shake off someone he regrets making out with; this is someone he is actively instigating makeouts with, so why the sudden regret? I guess it’s because now he doesn’t want to go to the seaside with her? But he just kissed her two seconds ago! Either Robbe is trying to get out of his thing with Noor, in which case we should see him being awkward when she tries to kiss him - not smiling and touching her as he does - or he’s still fully on board trying to date Noor, in which case why wouldn’t he agree to go to her dance performance?

And the other guys are like, AGHAST because obviously they want to watch hot girls dance. So it is a direct adaptation of that Emma scene. Except it doesn’t make sense.

Also, Robbe is rude and dismissive to Noor about it, and she walks away with a frown, but that doesn’t make sense with his characterization so far!!! Because there is NO evidence of him being a fuckboy in this season, so far he’s honestly been pretty chill and sweet with Noor (visiting her at her work, etc.) and he keeps actively engaging with her on a level that Isak was not doing with Emma. I GUESS you could extrapolate to say he wants to turn her off so he doesn’t have to go to the seaside with her and bang her, but lmao, that’s me giving way more credit to the writing than is merited, and again, makes no sense considering he seemed perfectly fine with kissing her just now.

Or he tried to get out of it because dance sucks and men don’t go to dance performances? IDK, dude. I have a hard time following the logic of this scene based on what we know about Robbe and Robbe/Noor so far.

The boys talk Robbe into going because it’s his duty to help them get pussy. What charmers.

Actually, this is also dumb because they could just go to the dance performance themselves? Emma was clearly inviting Isak to her private party and the others were only invited by proxy, so Isak agreeing to go was a requirement for the other boys to attend. But in this situation, Noor is passing out flyers to everyone walking by, and the dance performance is a school function for anyone to attend, so who gives a shit if Robbe wants to go or not? They’ve already established they’re cool with ditching him to chase girls, they can just go without him if he’s being a sourpuss. I guess they need him to be the bridge between them and Noor’s hot dance friends.

Noor comes back and is happy they’re going.

Clip 7 - Milan pranks Senne

Zoë complains about Senne coming home and snoring all night, and like, lmao, that’s charming, but also … that’s just part of being in a relationship and living with people, lol. If snoring is your biggest concern, YOU ARE DOING FINE. You’re young and figuring out how to live together. You’ll be fine.

There was probably Discourse about Milan getting “revenge” by hopping into bed with Senne, and I get it but I’m tired, dawg. Let’s just acknowledge this is hinky and leave it at that.

Senne freaks out when he kisses Milan by mistake. Zoë and Robbe laugh. Missed opportunity to show us a more complex reaction from Robbe! Gay shit keeps happening around Robbe and sometimes he has a reaction with serious thought behind it, and something it just happens, no big deal, ha ha. When the main arc for your protagonist of this season has to do with accepting his sexuality, why are you half-assing this stuff?

What is the point of this clip if we’re not getting some insight into Robbe’s POV? It’s cute that we’re getting to know the roommate dynamic, I guess. Upcoming drama with Zoë and Senne? No need for that to be its own clip instead of part of something relevant to Robbe himself. Milan likes getting revenge, as foreshadowing to an absolutely atrocious clip that happens later in the season?

Robbe considers Milan … I think? Frankly they make this seem like buildup to Robbe having a crush on Milan. I guess he’s supposed to be like, whoa, what a bold gay guy! He kisses boys!

I mean … I don’t really know what’s going through Robbe’s head. I don’t want to be spoon fed information, but I also kinda need to know what Robbe is thinking and feeling if this story is to make any impact on me. And I think I just don’t know where Robbe is at with his sexuality. It feels like maybe he’s tiptoeing into the realization that he’s into guys? Isak knew he was gay, he just tried to perform heterosexuality due to social pressure and internalized homophobia. Robbe does not seem like he knows. Which is … kinda off, because I’ve seen S1, I know he’s got some suspicion. It’s just feeling inconsistent.

Clip 8 - Sleeping arrangements

They arrive at the seaside, there’s a room with two single beds pushed together for the couples, like Robbe and Noor. He doesn’t seem too thrilled about that!

Moyo manages to make it an empty room for whoever wants to fuck, inadvertently helping his bro out.

Except Noor shows up and decides to sleep in the same bed as Robbe anyway.

Are Moyo and Luca going to hook up, is that where their banter is heading? Who are the boys hoping to hook up with, anyway? Because the only single women on this trip appear to be Jana, Amber, and Luca. Aaron is into Amber, and I guess Jens might want to hook up with Jana again??? But who is Moyo considering? I suppose there are other girls in the area who are not specifically with their group.

Clip 9 - Robbe and Noor scene #26232452634

Zoë texts Senne she misses him, and he’s like #metoo, which is … lmao, MEN.

Amber is like, lol men. Please be gay, Amber!!!!

She shows Zoë a pic of Senne on Insta, he’s having a good time, Amber tries to start some shit … GOD I ALREADY DON’T CARE

I mean, the thing is … I can get into couples’ mundane problems! But not when it’s a het couple having boring het drama in a season that’s supposed to be focused on a gay storyline with a primary gay romance that hasn’t even started yet.

Zoë has a sensible reaction, that just because they’re a couple, they can still have fun and live their own lives, although it’s delivered in a way that I know she is not really okay with it.

Aaron pulls Robbe aside because Noor has passed out in the grass. Noor pulls Robbe down to cuddle with him. He’s kinda ehhh about it, they make out, Noor is ready to bone. Robbe is not into it. She’s about to give him a handjob in the grass (like … within eyesight of their friends) when she pukes, a physical manifestation of Robbe’s feelings about sexy times with Noor. He wipes grass/puke/whatever off her face while she lies there, out of it. (Roll her onto her side, Robbe!)

What a pointless, redundant clip. What is going on?

TWO WHOLE EPISODES IN and we haven’t met Even yet … okay.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THE EPISODE:

This question is hard because already they need a major overhaul. “Everything” is a copout answer.

So first of all… repetitive as fuck clips. Three clips in two episodes where Noor makes out with Robbe, they almost get sexy, he’s not into it, and then something totally unrelated interrupts the attempt. Even apart from the pointlessness and boredom of watching the same thing happen over and over again … I think you can get away with ONE example of this. ONE example of this scene where random happenstances stop the hetero sex from going down (ha). One example is perfectly fine.

It’s not even just that it’s redundant. It’s also that, so far, it’s random chance stopping Robbe from having sex with a girl. It’s not his own character actions (or his inaction). It’s very passive on his part, which is understandable for someone who is afraid of his true sexuality and is trying to go with the flow. But he cannot hope that his friends walk in, or Jana needs help, or Noor throws up, every fucking time he gets close to having sex with a girl.

Basically the narrative is contriving to save him. It’s not Robbe making a choice to stop the sex. It’s not even Robbe letting it happen and letting that have some emotional consequences. It’s out of his hands. These clips are both preventing him from making an active choice as a character, while also not letting him deal with the emotional fallout or consequences of sleeping with a girl. And I don’t WANT Robbe to sleep with a girl! But for fuck’s sake, if you keep having this same scene play out, with Robbe not stopping it, and only random interruptions rescuing him … either stop this tedious shit, or let it have an impact on his character already.

I don’t care about Zoë and Senne’s boring mundane drama taking such precedence in Robbe’s season. If it happens, it should be more relevant and parallel to Robbe’s personal problems! It would make more sense later on when Robbe is struggling with his relationship with Sander.

Here’s an idea to make the retail clip count. We see Robbe getting conflicted about Milan’s gay hookup. Have Robbe go to visit Noor to apologize for getting nervous and running off last night, have him bullshit about wanting to take things slow with her, etc. However, while he’s at the store, he sees, IDK, a hot dude picking out clothes, or a hot dude trying on stuff in the changing room, and he’s into it, you see him get nervous. He checks out the hot male models in the ads. Maybe Noor works with lingerie and we see Robbe looking at all the bras and underwear with this expression of “Am I supposed to be into this?” I think the scene is overall rather redundant and could probably be clipped, but with some tweaks, you can highlight the contrast in Robbe’s attraction to men and his attempts to appear/be into women.

I mentioned this above, but you could also make Jana’s presence in the store matter instead of feeling like something random. She makes small talk with him about him being into Noor, in a way that the audience recall Robbe’s browser history from S1 - we can tell she’s very skeptical of his interest in Noor, and maybe Robbe is trying to appear sincere about being into Noor but it’s not totally convincing. Then when Noor is trying to get hot and heavy with Robbe, Jana intervenes and we can tell it’s because she’s trying to subtly save Robbe.

The Even should be introduced already. Come on.

I’m not just saying that as an Evak shipper and an Even fan. I am saying that because Even essentially kicks Isak’s arc into motion. He is the catalyst for Isak confronting his sexuality, for reassessing his feelings on mentally ill people, for basically all of his character development. Right now we have two episodes of Robbe treading water, basically. Dating Noor is treading water. It’s fine to show that Robbe is stuck in a rut - we saw that with Isak - but the difference is that something - someone - showed up to get Isak out of that rut pretty early on. It’s not just about wanting the uwu Evak moments, it’s about wanting the narrative to actually start going somewhere, for Robbe’s character to start developing, etc.

That said, we do need to get to know Even as a character. We need to root for Robbe/Even’s relationship. Delaying that means risking that both the character and the relationship will not feel sufficiently developed.

There’s especially no reason to have this much emphasis on Noor/Robbe, a relationship that is by design meant to be fake, versus Robbe/his Even, a relationship that is meant to be authentic.

Actually, where is the tension? Only from Robbe not wanting to fuck Noor.

There are two plot threads so far that have of any weight for our main character: Robbe’s sexuality, and Robbe’s relationship with his parents. Both of them seem somewhat muddled.

It’s funny because … even many of the smaller things from Skam S3 that caused conflict are absent here?? No Isak vs. Sana and the blackmail over the weed. No kosegruppa causing annoyance to Isak. Conflict is a GOOD THING in storytelling. It provides direction for the narrative, it provides incentive to keep watching.

So here’s how I would include the Even into this episode, other than simply redoing the OG storyline:

In line with the mystery man from my episode 1 rewrite suggestion, Robbe spends the week wondering about the mystery man. Maybe we see him keeping an eye out for guys he thinks might be The One. Maybe the equivalent of the Talk Show Host scene is Robbe seeing a dude who he thinks is the Even, but it turns out to be a false alarm, and we see his hope and interest followed by his disappointment. We feel this, too! Because we’re wondering when the hell we will see the mystery guy again. Robbe asks Noor oh so casually if she knows any of the tagging people and where to find them. Robbe happens to go to the spot where he thinks the Even might be (like maybe he’s “casually” hanging there or snooping around when he gets the text from his mom, and decides to leave to visit with her). Robbe tries to dig around social media for clues but is frustrated with his lack of information since he’s going on basically nothing. Red herrings galore. Essentially, play with how the original episode 2 showed Isak developing a crush on Even. The point is that Robbe is intrigued and desperately wants to find this guy. I mean, maybe even add a concrete element to this search! Maybe the dude dropped something of his when he and Robbe met (a piece of jewelry, a glove, IDK. Something unique, something that gives us an insight into the Even’s character) and Robbe’s “search” for the dude is on the surface so he can return this item, but obviously it’s not just about that, and we see Robbe treasuring this item and keeping it close or w/e.

Meanwhile, Robbe’s interest in men overall is becoming more evident, in how he reacts to Milan and his hookup, or maybe checking out dudes at Noor’s store. When he shows up at her workplace, it’s so he can casually ask about people she knows from the tagging scene, and oh, does she recognize this glove? This gives him a motive to meet up with her besides just wanting to make out, and he’s uncomfortable when the meeting takes that turn.

And then … he’s SUPPOSED to go to the seaside on Friday, but instead Robbe just happens to run into the mystery man! His Even! Butterflies! He returns the item to Even and the Even is happy he got it back (and maybe far down the line we’ll learn that the Even left it behind on purpose, kinda like how Even was interested in Isak all along. Those Evens, so crafty.) And Robbe lies about being sick or something and skips on the trip, and hangs out with Even, and we get a scene similar to the OG where they bond and get to know each other, but obviously not word for word, centered around their own personalities. He’s having a great time, but then it turns out that the Even has a girlfriend, obviously. Everyone else is pissed that Robbe ditched them. You know how it goes. It doesn’t have to be an exact mirror of this S2 clip, but I do strongly think we need to advance this part of the storyline by this point.

Jumping forward in time: I know that Robbe meets his Even at the seaside, so you could also just, you know. Bounce that up a bit. Work in all the other ~mystery stuff and maybe Robbe is feeling disheartened and accepting that he’s just not gonna see that guy again, he goes to the seaside as planned. But holy shit, he arrives and That Guy is there! Just when he thought all hope was lost!

Imagine if the Even had left behind, like, a scarf, and Robbe started to wear it, and he was wearing it at the seaside when they meet again. Juicy stuff.

Add more reactions from Robbe toward Milan and his date. Sometimes he’s chill about gay stuff and sometimes he’s a little more hesitant. It feels very inconsistent. There are big opportunities to show Robbe’s issues with his sexuality but the show is sliding right by them.

This is more thinking ahead, but the boys’ YouTube channel should ideally play some part in Robbe’s coming out journey. (And no, I don’t count that shitty Milan prank clip as a payoff for the boys’ YouTube channel, fuck that.) I’m not sure, what, exactly - I don’t think Robbe is the type of guy to post a coming out video and it doesn’t seem like it’d be a fit for their channel. Maybe just use the channel as a way to indicate Robbe’s comfort with being publicly in a relationship with a boy. Like at an earlier part of the season, the squad is going to do some prank and Sander is like, haha, sounds fun, can I join? And Robbe tries to keep Sander away, by making an excuse or telling the boys that he doesn’t want Sander involved, because it’s implied that he’s scared of people realizing that he and Sander have a Thing. Then later on, after Robbe comes out to everyone and is openly in a relationship with Sander, there’s a video about something else but he and Sander are casually cuddling in the background or whatever.

My big problems are the lack of focus and the bad pacing. Skam S3 has a clear mission statement, a goal. There’s an endgame in mind and each clip takes a step toward that endgame. Julie Andem knew Isak’s character arc and each clip advances a part of his journey. wtFOCK so far doesn’t seem to know what to do with Robbe. Or rather, they have like two ideas - Robbe doesn’t want to fuck Noor and Robbe is sad about his mom - but no clue about how to use those ideas to advance the story, and they seem to be dawdling instead of making the most out of a finite amount of screen time.

#wtfock reactions

28 notes · View notes

tremble-in-the-hips · 4 years ago

Text

All right, you asked for it. A fucking Picture of Dorian Gray fanfiction I wrote in high school. Pine away, gays.

Dorian’s leg bobbed furiously. The cigarette between his fingers smoldered to an ashen stub. On his velvet purple couch, he stretched out, perplexed by the painting strung above the fireplace. He shuddered as his own oil-glazed eyes peered at him.

They weren’t really his eyes, he thought. The eyes belonged to Basil, whose skilled hands opened the window into Dorian’s soul, now sitting on the mantle. Dorian felt Basil’s presence in the canvas. His hands, cramping around a paint brush; his one eye open as he perfected his vision; his dark hair falling in clumps in front of his eyes. The concentration and adoration Basil put into creating the image was powerful. As he stubbed out his cigarette with a flick, Dorian felt the artist’s careful scrutiny staring back at him as he sat. He rubbed the back of his neck with a chuckle as he thought of being in Basil’s studio just that afternoon.

“Don’t listen to Harry,” Basil had warned. They were standing, a breath apart in the waning sunlight. Anxiously, Basil dug beneath his fingernails with a pencil to dislodge layers of crusting paint.

Dorian had scoffed as he straightened his cuffs. “Basil, I’m beginning to see a pattern,” he chuckled. “For someone you trust, you condemn Harry rather harshly, don’t you think?”

Basil smiled politely. Dorian’s smile unraveled. “What,” he cried, “have I said something amiss?”

Basil met Dorian’s eye and laughed as he clasped his rough hands around one of Dorian’s. “No, never, my dearest,” Basil cooed, “I only wondered when I claimed to trust Harry.”

Dorian bent towards Basil. Concerned, he whispered, “You doubt his loyalty to you? Your friendship?”

Basil shook his head with a grin and laid a firm hand on Dorain’s shoulder. Head bowed, he turned back towards the painting on the opposite wall. “That, I don’t doubt,” Basil proclaimed, “ours is a friendship more like a commitment than marriage. We’ve seen too much together, know too much about each other. He will take my secrets to the grave with his cynicism and darkness which he so loves to spread,” he muttered. He rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

Dorian eyed Basil playfully. “So, your lack of trust stems purely from experience? One too many nights of debauchery spent face down in a ditch due to one nefarious Henry Wotton?” Dorian stepped forward and took up all of Basil’s view. “Too many secrets falling out of his pockets?”

Basil chuckled and pushed Dorian away. Dorian giggled and shoved him back. The two poked and pulled on one another until Basil brought his hands over Dorian’s cheeks and held him back, both of them laughing raucously. (Seated on his couch, Dorian grinned at the thought.) Basil sighed and the air was calm. “Maybe,” he replied simply.

Dorian clasped Basil’s shoulders and shook him once. “My God, Harry dares to decry marriage when he is married to you!”

Basil leaned heavily on Dorian’s shoulder, guffawing as his knees gave out. Wiping joyful tears from his eyes, Basil sighed, “Oh, but only Harry would believe a friendship akin to marriage worth cherishing and the only truly good purpose for marriage besides politics.” Basil stood up straight, eyeing Dorian from beneath his curtain of hair. “More than anything, the man is quick to decry romance.”

“Ironic, for a man with cynically romantic notions,” Dorian cried with a laugh. He looked adoringly at Basil. “What would he think of a friendship akin to romance?”

Basil bit his lip, eyes wandering absently to his left. He scoffed, “More than likely shaking his grim head at us.”

Dorian huffed, emerging from his revere startled and breathless. Friendship akin to romance, he thought, what a delightful delusion. He could hear Henry Wotton’s voice repeat such a sentiment in his head. He shuddered. He sometimes did find Harry outrageously grim, even when he followed Harry with a childlike curiosity and adoration. As embarrassed as he was, he found himself smitten with the lord; Wotton was handsome and charming and enticingly treacherous. Whatever Wotton said felt like honey, despite later burning like vinegar.

Basil’s warning had shaken him. Dorian paused, considering how the night was to proceed. His party, which was to include Basil and Dorian, were to head to the theater after the club and witness one of Sybil’s first performances after their proposal. He was torn, intrigued and terrified by Harry’s promise of disappointment from Sybil’s love. Part of him wanted to continue heedless, so infatuated was he with Sybil; yet he felt hesitant, and chanced leaving Sybil if he got scared.

It felt real, his love for Sybil. More real than even Harry’s cynicism could penetrate.

Could there be a potential for failure in a feeling so strong? If only he could explain it to Harry! He paced the living room, drawing up articulate analogies. His satisfaction with Sybil was as permanent as the spring bloom, as lingering as a smoke cloud from a pipe, as tender as Basil’s affectionate brush stroke.

Dorian skidded to a halt in the doorway, hand clutching his chest. Why do I still think of Basil? he thought. He flopped into a lounge chair, groaning. One of his servants came to him, mumbling about the arrival of Harry and Basil (did his heartbeat quicken?) to take him to the club, then the theater. His heart thumped as he plucked a flower from a vase on the counter and twisted the stem clean off. He pocketed the newly fashioned corsage. A beautiful tiger lily, muted orange with maroon spots.

. . .

His corsage lay crumbled in his hand. His entire body felt heavy, as if sinking into the earth. The theater box, already half empty since the second act, felt cold and bitter.

Henry put it best. “Terrible,” he stated factually, “just terrible. Ah well - flames burn out. Such is life, such is theater.”

“This isn’t right,” Dorian gasped, barely looking up from the flower in his hand. He studied the creases in the petals. He attempted to smooth them out with his thumb, growing annoyed when the petals curled around his fingers. He huffed, “she must be ill, or upset, or possibly inebriated, or-”

“Oh dear, sweet Dorian,” Henry sighed, laying a hand on Dorian’s shoulder. Dorian barely looked up. “We both know those possibilities aren’t true,” Henry crooned. With a sniff, he looked toward the stage exit. “You’ve got to hand it to her thought,” he sighed, “she loves you. It’s clear in her face, the way she looked out into the audience, the way she breathed. That’s love. But it’s normal love, average - and acted love will always be more potent. Or at least it will present better on stage -”

“Where’s Basil?” Dorian cut in, shrugging off Henry’s hand with an irked groan.

“Home by now,” Henry relayed in a monotone, “he left partway through the curtain call, had to attend to a friend or a casserole or his own melancholy or something.” Dorian heard the click of a pocket watch opening. “Well,” cried Harry conspicuously, “your Juliet has more than likely returned to her dressing room now. I suggest you have a chat with her.”

Dorian grit his teeth, prickling against his clothes and skin. His annoyance felt like bile rising in his throat and he felt like spitting. Suddenly he was up, throwing the corsage against the floor. Through the unsettled curls of his hair, Dorian saw Henry step back with wide eyes and a smile.

“Dorian, love, what’s got you flying like this?” he questioned playfully.

Dorian huffed and crossed his arms. He felt inflamed, like a deceived child. Was this the product of love? A loss of sense, a loss of purpose? Sybil was supposed to be Dorian’s greatest prize, the person for him to be proud of forever. When she flitted across the stage, he wanted nothing more than to claim the moment, claim her, with a fiery passion. She was something to behold (in her prime, Dorian thought bitterly, which seems to have ended) and she was something he wanted to behold constantly.

Dorian flew, a trail of orange tiger lily petals falling at his boots. He felt confident in his ability to tell her just how he felt and nervous of her reaction. But he was angry! Truly angry! To watch her perform on any other night was to watch the gods of grace and whimsy in flight. What would become of the world, his world, without her gift, his pride? For her to fail or give up performance would be like if Basil put down his brush.

Dorian hovered hesitantly in front of Sybil’s dressing room. He could feel his heart clattering against his breastplate. He reached for the doorknob and felt his ill intentions bubbling in his throat. She’s a charlatan, Dorian thought wickedly, and I am a willing sucker to her ruse. She embarrassed me in front of my friends! She doesn’t deserve my advances, my praise. What a failure! I’ll see to it she realizes the shame, the embarrassment. I mean, what would Basil think -

Dorian’s hand shook violently as he grasped the doorknob. His breath escaped in sharp gasps. His grip loosened. To his left, he peered through a window and a vision formed of his own living room through the darkness. In the projection, he saw Basil smoothing the ruffles in Dorian’s jacket. His face was splattered with paint and a playful smile pulled his lips.

“You really are a wonder, Dorian,” Basil’s voice echoed. Dorian’s mirror image blushed. “So youthful, yet so open; so beautiful, yet so kind.” The vision of Basil looked away from the vision of Dorian and stared, knowingly, at Dorian in real life. Terror gripped Dorian and shame overcame him as the vision smiled at him, concern in his eyes and a slight, adoring tilt in his head. The vision whispered, “I can always trust you to handle important things with care and thoughtfulness. It’s what I like best about you.”

Dorian let go of the doorknob and stared at it pointedly. His face twisted and released. What was my plan? he thought. What would I have accomplished with such anger?

The door creaked open and Sybil’s heart-shaped face appeared like a moon over the horizon. She beamed. “Oh, love!” she yelped and pushed the door open.

Dorian looked forward and straightened his back. He swept his hair back and gave Sybil a polite smile. “My dearest,” he muttered shyly.

“I was hoping I had seen you on the balcony,” Sybil squealed with delight. She stepped into the door frame and swept her hand over the room. “Will you join me, good prince?”

Dorian met her eyes and sighed, feeling light and giddy. Despite the embarrassment, his physical feelings for her were strong. Sybil held her hand out for Dorian to take. Before he reached out, he thought of Basil’s unruly dark hair and affectionate smile.

The right thing? Dorian questioned fearfully. He took Sybil’s hand delicately and kissed her fingers. “I would, darling,” Dorian chuckled, “but I must attend to personal matters.”

Sybil recoiled slightly, but soon returned a polite smile. “Oh, that’s fine. Before you go, I was wondering what you thought of my -”

“You were lovely,” Dorian cried, “and I will explain away my hastiness later!” He leaned forward and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. Once he was out the door, he began sprinting down the street.

. . .

Basil’s door flew open and he laughed with surprise and delight before pulling Dorian into his embrace. “I’m more than shocked,” Basil cried, “you came back for me! The night is alive with clubs and youthful spirit and you come to these unlit suburbs.” Basil sighed and leaned against the doorway to his living room with a jaunty grin. “Of course, the night’s youth allowed you to deduce that I had returned home.” Basil raised the wine glass he had been holding in respect. “You know me too well,” he chuckled.

Dorian giggled, “have you been drinking, Basil?”

Basil bit his lip against a smile and moved the glass behind his back. “Who’s to say,” he deflected, barely containing his laughter.

Dorian clasped Basil’s shoulder with a grin. “It’s no matter anyway. May I?” Dorian inquired, pointing lazily at Basil’s glass.

Basil shrugged and handed his glass to Dorian. “Why not? Here, have a head start.”

Dorian blushed, touched by the gesture. He took Basil’s glass, raised it to him, and took a sip. It felt like stinging, sweet ginger as it ran down his throat.

Basil poured another glass in the corner of the room. He eyed Dorian kindly. “I’m terribly ashamed of my behavior tonight,” he admitted, “I’m sorry for leaving the theater without so much as a goodbye. Sybil’s performance was important to you.”

“Whatever you are sorry for, you are forgiven, believe me,” Dorian assured, “I was only worried for your well being.”

Basil looked away, smiling to himself. “Thank you,” he whispered, “though, you could have called. You didn’t. You ran here. I’m curious as to what compelled you to do so.”

Dorian laughed. “I’m curious as to why you fled when you claimed you were eager to join us!”

Basil shrugged with an innocent smile, his lips touching his cup. Chuckling, he said, “I’m still not sure. I thought myself a bore on such a joyous night. Shakespeare often depresses me.”

Dorian nodded attentively, sipping at his drink. “I believe that is his point actually,” he wondered. “The dramas are meant to strike a chord with our humanity, to tell a story of unrequited or unfulfilled romance.”

Basil scoffed, staring into his swirling glass. He met Dorian’s eyes tenderly, sighing, “My dear, often it is the romance that depresses me.”

Dorian turned his head, brow furrowed, and Basil laughed, “it is nonsensical to anyone but me. I find myself incompatible with romance. I don’t hold onto relationships. I am quick to turn inward, quick to anger, and unable to respond to a lover’s cry for attention.” Basil huffed with eyes downcast. “Lovely, lovely Dorian, I am impossible to love.”

The room stood quiet. After a moment of discomfort in silence, Dorian sat on Basil’s dark green couch and beckoned to Basil. Basil shuffled over with tepid steps and flopped into the seat next to Dorian. Dorian turned his shoulders towards Basil and took his hands. He turned them over, lightly drawing on Basil’s palms with his thumbs. He whispered to Basil, “I left the theater tonight after the show because I was inspired by the idea of what you’d think of my actions.”

Basil leaned back against the arm of the sofa, surprise alight in his eyes. His lips drew taut as he tried to suppress a smile. “Go on,” he whispered.

Dorian cleared his throat. His palms were sweating and he cupped them lightly around Basil’s, trying not to dampen them. “I was inflamed,” he continued, “both by Henry’s words and the events at the theater. I felt mean like a snake, wanting to lash out.” Dorian chuckled darkly. “I thought myself deserving better. I thought of telling Sybil so, harshly if need be.”

Basil stared at Dorian with concern. He looked down, grasping at empty words. “I’m . . . sorry to hear you were in such a state, possessed by evil like that.” He clasped Dorian’s hands gently. “I am, however, proud and delighted that you thought of me and made a better choice.”

Dorian averted his gaze, beaming. “It seems I think of little but you lately, Basil.”

Basil blushed deep red and his face lit up with a delirious smile. Dorian hopped closer, encouraged by Basil’s response. He took a shaking breath, continuing, “Basil, whatever compels you to believe you are impossible to love, it is a false pretense; you create beauty out of nothing; you adore your friends with great and genuine enthusiasm; you corale me towards the right path,” Dorian declared. Running a hand through his flyaway hairs, he leant towards Basil with a serious look. “Despite my influences, you get me to see what is right and good with only the thought of your care, your kindness, and your love for me.”

Dorian let out a final breath. Basil’s eyes were locked with his, shining with earnest and insane happiness. His head rested relaxed to his left and he rubbed Dorian’s hands between his fingers. Dorian’s heart quickened and he looked away, clearing his throat again. Timid, he looked into Basil’s eyes. He whispered, “Who are you to say you are immune to romance? What about us? Fools in a friendship akin to romance?”

Breathless, Basil reached out, cupping Dorian’s face gingerly in his hands. Dorian lightly traced his fingers over the back of Basil’s hands. Basil shook his head in disbelief. He rubbed his thumb along Dorian’s cheekbone. “I,” he stuttered, “I, you, you’ve surprised, I’m . . .”

Dorian slid his hands down the length of Basil’s arms and dug his fingers into Basil’s shoulders. “Whatever you’re planning to do or say,” he breathed, “do it now. I despise suspense.”

Basil burst into laughter and Dorian joined. When both had caught their breath, Basil pulled Dorian towards him for a kiss. Dorian closed his eyes, sinking with relief as he wrapped his arms around Basil’s neck. Basil ran his fingers through Dorian’s hair and let his lips drag over Dorian’s sluggishly, intoxicated by the intimacy. Dorian pressed his forehead to Basil’s and Basil pulled back, gasping for breath. With a grin, Dorian nuzzled Basil’s nose, causing the two to giggle with childish giddiness.

“Do you believe you’re wrong now?” Dorian cooed. “About being incompatible with romance?”

“Possibly,” Basil retorted, playing with one of Dorian’s curls.

“I think you’ll do fine,” Dorian sighed, catching Basil’s eye and grinning. He reached into his shirt and pulled out a stem of lavender. Basil’s brows drew together in a question and Dorian explained, “I pulled it out of the vase at the theater..” Basil rolled his eyes and Dorian flicked his nose. “Enough,” he laughed, “I’m trying to perform an incredibly romantic gesture.”

Basil laughed heartily. “Okay,” he cried, “you’ve gotten me to believe in love again. Happy?”

Dorian beamed, “Always, with you.”

#the picture of dorian gray #oscar wilde #dorian x basil #how is there no ship tag for the original book?#oh well #fluff and angst #fanfiction

85 notes · View notes

strangetownsayit · 4 years ago

Text

ok so um.......... .. . . ..

i had a really bad time, went crazy and deleted all my maurice fics. Yes I have them in my notes and if someone wants them, I can send them to them, but still. i no longer feel confident about You Don’t Own Me and To a Happier Year.

but i feel bad and guilty bc then i remembered someone who left a very nice comment in my fic. maybe ill rewrite everything and publish it again, but not today and certainly not tomorrow. so ill explain my outline for the two fanfics cus i already had a ending in mind

before anything-- do i plan to write more maurice fanfic? the answer is yes. i hyperfixate very hard on maurice so ill never stop, but ill try not to make it public till i trust my bilingual capacities

so, You Don’t Own Me

Percival Darsey is a young man who spend time in Penderleigh’s after having an encounter with Anne in the village next to Penge. He becomes Clive’s pupil bc of Anne’s desire, and so Percival bounces between them (wanting clive’s attention, then wanting anne’s)

Clive doesn’t really care about Percy’s attraction to Anne, bc he was sure it was silly love-at-first sight stuff. It was supposed to be explained later that Percy was really naive when it came to love. I actually had some dialogue written in my phone’s notes app to show how percy views were when it came to love and how easy it was for him to fall in love:

“I can’t do nothing but leave it to take me, Mr. Durham”, said Percy gently, with his back resting against the black slate of the roof; the light rays of sun --whose bright, blinding face was hiding behind clouds-- were worth coming the next day. “When someone smiles back at me, when someone touches my shoulder to get me out of the way, when they wish me a good day; I fall in love too easily, with many people. Approximately five times a day.”

“Many people?”, Clive laughed. “You mean, many women.”

Percival contemplated the sky a while.

“No,” he finally said, “many people.”

Percival was supposed to be Clive’s opposite: excited about loving and be loved in return, excited to be discovered and being so happy with himself, he can barely hide it.

But when Percival got infatuated with a man, an acquaintance of Clive, Clive started to snap, to wander, to ask questions he could’ve never asked before. But Percival had nothing to hide anyways, and this would make Clive distant

Resume: with time Percival would’ve become closer and closer to anne’s circle, and thus he would’ve grown tired and exhausted. Bc Percival is autistic, and he has very little spoons (a metaphor about being autistic), meeting new people every day, being dragged to social compromises and being treated as some sort of servant that these rich ppl needed for entertainment, he would’ve suffered a meltdown and avoid Pendersleigh for a while

But bc Percy is not dumb, he would’ve returned bc he needs to eat, and bc of his neurodivergence he couldn’t keep jobs that were mostly aimed to neurotypicals. So when he came back, he decided to stay in Clive’s side. He found comfort in his cases cus all he needed to do was ignore Clive and sleep and little lol. And so this was supposed to be the first step to develop their relationship: Clive being interested in percy now that he has discover Percy likes men as well, Percival feeling drawn to Clive. They get to know each other and eventually, they fall in love.

But ofc everytime Clive perceives a hint of flirt, he panics and back off, bc hes an I—HSHFS- NOO- WAIT—LMAO DLFAOF—IM SO SHY--- gay, and Percy is a ;)) bisexual, so they keep flirting a good part of my outline.

But then BOOm I planned Mrs Hall to visit clive. And so clive wouldve remembered everything with Maurice, feel bad, and reject percival once for all. Percival cries a lot and anne thinks he is sick bc he has an uncontrollable sobbing, but then he escapes again

Clive has some awful months and Anne notices. She knows, but at the same time, she doesn’t: she knows Percy and Clive had a cute dynamic and relationship, she knows they loved each other, but she cant notice the homoerotism they had, and so she goes on looking for percival

I shpuld add that even tho I didn’t outlined this, there was a subplot exploring Anne’s bisexuality. I was working on how to do it when I deleted the fanfic

She finds Percival and discovers that he lied this whole time: his real name is Daniel Darcy, son of Mrs. Darcy, a middle-class woman who fell in disgrace after her husband escaped with his lover. It is revealed that Percival has many brothers and is the youngest of all, being 22. It is also revealed that he have been running away from home and coming back since he was twelve. His mother openly talks shit about Percy and it is hinted that Percy is a Bastard, a product of a love affair.

There was a silly joke I had in my notes app:

“Many years ago, Mr. Darcy ran away from us, in the gay nineties”, he spat, struggling with laughing and bitterness. “Gay, my mother hates the word, just like she hates me and everything that is stunning.”

Then Anne wouldve told Percival about Clive but he wouldve stop her and ask her to go. But he wouldve return to penge a few weeks later cus he a dumbass who doesn’t value himself. Then he and clive wouldve kissed in the rain while he sees percy in the darkness of the night at penge’s garden, but then percy wouldve been like “lol bye” bc he just wanted to let clive know that he loved him too and that he would be back in the morning.

Fluffy ffluffy fluffy flufly

Then BOOM Maurice makes an appearance, telling clive everything about what happened with kitty, then asking for money lmao so he and alec can look for another place, and he tells clive that didn’t anywhere else to go. At fisrt Clive says no but then percy manages to persuade him into helping Maurice, who is surprised to see Clive with a man. Clive and Maurice have a nice chat, clive apologizes and cries and then the next day Clives calls Risley and cries too and say something like sorry I wasn’t there for you yoy didn’t deserved to go through that and it was so unfair, and then he -in a very subtle way- apologizes to anne. And thus Clive is clean of guilt

But then Clive and Percival have a fight bc he wants to participate in Clive’s life but Clive refuses. Angsty angsty angsty. Percival reveals he was promised by his mother his part of the heritage if he married and became a proper gentleman. He tells clive he will accept his mother offer if clive keeps being ashamed of him

Clive wants to be with percival but he sees himself in another drama, so he does what is easier: letting Percival go.

But percival didn’t expected that shit to happen ?? as extra as he is, he thought clive wouldve comfort him and kiss him. .. .. . . .

Bc he doenst know anywhere else to go, and doesn’t want to get married and hates his mom and he would hate it if he became clive, he goes with Maurice and Alec CUS HE WANTS THEM TO BE HIS DADS ¿’¿’’93 me too bitch get in the line

So advices advices advices. Percival has a clearer mind and he runs his way up to penge

So kisses kisses kisses, he and Clive are in love nd stuff. JUMP TIME, Maurice and alec live in France and they are Percy’s and Clive’s neighbors. Anne is looking for adventures and kisses many women and many men. Everyone is happy YAY I can cope

TO A HAPPIER YEAR

Ok I am a little tired I want to sleep jdswiow io

So Clive’s durham first love. Fluffly fluffly fflufy

It cover events during the movie (clive being tired of bullshit after Christmas vacs).

Bc clive is an asshole, he ignores Quinn (his first love and stuff]) and quinn wants to know why he is being pushed aside and why is clive so distant. But then he discovers it and wish clive luck

JUMP TIME they are both in their 36 and clive is miserable during a trip in Italy. They both meet during said trip, reconnect romantically, and HAPPY YEAR YES EVERYTHING IS HAPPIER THE YEARS HAPPY ENDING WHATEVer. I swear it is cuter Im just very sleepy now lol

#maurice (1987)

7 notes · View notes