#ill be nowhere if you need me

[a-hearts-a-heavy-burden]

I woke up today and was about to message some friends to ask if they wanted to start a Stardew Valley save with me.

....except when I opened our group chat they'd both left it. No word. No reason. Everything was fine when I went to bed.

One of them hasn't shown up in our mutual server at all today despite having an event planned. The other has ignored me completely.

So .... I suppose my friendship, at this point, is 100% disposable.

I genuinely feel like crying. Idk what else to do. Go back on antidepressants that make me miserable but in a different way??

Maybe I should become someone who fakes happiness to fool others. That's my only option to keep friends at this point.

[moonkhao]

hi.

[keirientez]

band au rahhhhhhhhhhh

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[100-yardstare]

Don’t really know how to articulate how I’ve been feeling but I had to sit with it after a work event yesterday and I’m just constantly reminded that I have a hard time fitting into “work culture” and professionalism. To an extent I feel that way about bigger social circles in general but it is definitely more obvious when dealing with people at work. It’s the ADHD and my dysautonomia to a certain extent cause I get tired easily on top of it all. I know it but I’m so tired of hiding it but if I try to hide it I feel more exhausted

[anarcho-masochist]

Do you know what sucks? All of the mental hospitals near me. I've only been to one good mental hospital in my entire life and it is really far away. Why do all of the nearby mental hospitals have to be downright terrible? It wouldn't even be difficult to do a better job than half these places. Yeah, some people will always hate mental hospitals because they are restrictive, but there are some serious issues that are extremely avoidable.

Don't hire staff that hate mentally ill people. Also, treat patients like actual people and not like you're babysitting someone's problem child violent criminal drug addict horror movie psychopath pit bull puppy with a bite history and no ability to think who definitely caused their own problems anyway and should probably just be incarcerated or put down or else they'll just continue to be both an inconvenience and Scary.

If you confiscate a patient's belongings and say you will return them when the patient gets discharged, do so and keep track of the items, do not throw them away.

Provide food options without ingredients that commonly trigger allergies. (The last mental hospital I went to had no gluten-free options for probably 2/3 of the meals so I ended up barely eating. Usually, the only GF option was salad or fruit and even their salads had croutons already mixed in and soggy enough that even if you picked them out, the cross-contamination was significant. The only protein source was meat and 100% of it was breaded. I wish this was hyperbole.)

If you have to deal with a situation where a patient is being violent: 1. attempt to de-escalate and only resort to force when absolutely necessary 2. do not insult or yell at the patient 3. do not insult or yell at a different patient with PTSD who had a panic attack after the first patient threw a chair at them 4. do not punish a third patient by taking away their media time because they intervened and successfully calmed down both the first and second patient.

Do not sexually harass trans minors. Do not subject a 16-year-old transmasc patient to a "cavity search" and then lie about it when the other patients confront you because the kid brought it up and after discussion, none of the cis or adult patients had to do anything like that but the trans AFAB minors (there were two) both faced some form of sexual harassment. Do not revoke phone privileges to the (several) patients who suggested a lawsuit. Do not take down the patients' rights poster in the hallway. Do not lie to patients about their rights. Do not threaten to out patients to their transphobic and abusive parents if they try to report the hospital. Do not give the patients who suggested a lawsuit smug looks for the entire next week as if you are superior because the patients backed down due to the victims not wanting to come forward about it anymore because they had no solid proof and, for one of them, because his parents would hurt him if they found out, which they would.

You would think this would be common sense, and yet, there are no mental hospitals within two hours of my house that haven't done at least one of these things.

Probably not worth it to try to look for farther away hospitals I haven't been to before considering that they're very unlikely to help anyway.

[magstorrn]

every few years im reminded that the war of the worlds stage show exists which is never good because i always find something new to hate about it

[zwan99]

😩

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

i did a thing

[khayalli]

.

[aroacewxs]

istg if the wxs community goes crickets during quagmire canary again i will become violent. kusanagi nene doesn't deserve any of you

WHERE WAS THE HYPE. WHERE WAS THE PASSION. WHERE WAS THE LOVE.

[faebriel]

hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her

anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]

so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.

or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?

anyway.

like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:

i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.

beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.

it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she

for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.

okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.

if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway

i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.

i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

what is wrong with my dad i hope he dies man wtf😭

[xbuster]

Everyone on this site is all about respecting people who are neurodivergent until they find out there are people who get really weird and have episodes and it’s not just having an obsession with Fallout: New Vegas or having trouble doing things or not having a lot of friends. It has to a palatable neurodivergence. It has to be “I want an autistic gf who will infodump about Disco Elysium” because Tumblr’s idea of autism is cute and fun but then they meet someone with actual autism and suddenly autistic people are too weird and they can’t handle the fact that most autistic people don’t have much of a filter and get really emotional for strange reasons. Like sorry, but I’m really neurodivergent and I’m really fucking annoying because of it.

I have manic episodes that make me say weird shit and I just can’t stop talking (or posting if I’m on Tumblr) until it’s over. I’m autistic so I’ll just start saying shit no one cares about or I’ll just becoming borderline incoherent (like right now) because I’m too emotional and don’t know how to express my feelings productively. My illnesses can make me a very unpleasant person. It’s usually only for a short time whenever it happens, but people always hold it against me. They always think I’m annoying. Why can’t this neurodivergent acceptance ever apply to me.

[icewindandboringhorror]

a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)

[fate-defiant]

i have two, no three fancomics in me rn and it's rotten work it's such rotten work