#ill always love my boys even if theres no content of them ever
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Just read knuckle velvet and my god what amazing talent you have! I felt all the emotions in this. Got me crying so hard for this girl and her family. I want to give her the biggest hug and adopt her š©µ Now I got questionsā¦
Iām actually so surprised after all he did to her, he just left. Why? Would he ever try to bring her back to the Capitol?
If she got pregnant. What would he do if he found out she got pregnant by him?
What happened to Sejanus?
Was he really going to leave her to die if she didnāt tell him to come back?
omg thank you hehe and yeah i love a good open ended ambiguous ending š¤ ill try to keep this short bc i could talk about things for too long.
1. he's too power hungry for that life, he never would have been content staying there, being a peacekeeper, or whatever else of a life the district would have offered him, nor did he really want it. he's always stretching for more. and i do think he wanted her in the Capitol but mostly for selfish purposes. the romantic inside of me believes he thinks of her often and wants to kidnap her but the masochist believes he never thinks about her again until he see flashes of her when baker boi Peeta shows up.
2. i dont think he ever would have found out, but he probs would have just left them there and pretended they never existed bc it would ruin his image and legitimacy as president to have a district child. there was an ending where she had gotten pregnant. Legit had this originally written out: 'All you had left of him was that precious blond baby boy and a gunshot wound." But it just wasnt a vibe. i was going to have her sister and sejanus end up having kids bc its left up to interpretation if she is kinda related to Peeta.
3. Sejanus had like four different endings: one: was like above where he ends up with her sister, two: he left and went to medic training, three: her sister kinda pushed him away after everything happened bc she needed to take care of reader/father's business. four: snow kills him along with gavin. i always leaned towards two/three bc im cold hearted but u can pick which one u like the best!
4. yes. he probs would have came back tho eventually to take care of the body lmao he comes back bc her calling out for him reassures he dug out a place for himself so deep inside of her she cant help but need/want him even tho he's her monster. i think theres moments where he thinks he cares about her bc she sees him as a villain and still feels things for him, but he has other goals and doesn't care.
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Is there a particular reason you stopped making Fortnite art?
ohhhh boy. theres a few? in part its because it stopped being fulfilling and i lost interest and inspiration. its also because i cant play the game anymore because it cant run on my laptop with the new updates.
but a big one is that people are... really mean. really, really mean. people in the fortnite community overall are SOOOO NEGATIVE esp to artists. i make primarily romantic art and pinup art, and people can be incredibly unkind. ive been called slurs (both homophobic and racial), ive seen my friends get bullied for posting art in a similar vein, fuck that shit was a NIGHTMARE. fortnite possibly has the worst fandom ive ever seen, and ive been in SO MANY of them! i made mostly Jonesdation art, and while there were people who liked it, there was a lot of people who also didnt. there was some kind of weird.. looming feeling that i was afraid of posting my indulgent work (of course i always posted it anyway! im no pussy) but i dont like having that feeling loom over me. its also bc some of my friends kind of thought it was Funny when i did Foundation art since they didnt care much abt fortnite lore and thought my serious art i put all my time into was funny because of who acted Foundation. and i want my ideas to be taken seriously enough if i present them in a serious fashion.
its also because The Seven got slipped out of the story as time passed, and i really just couldnt get into the Oathbound or current groups. and even then, content with The Seven and Foundation in particular really felt like punch after punch regarding a character i became attached to (to nearly a delusional extent) with peoples perception of him becoming shittier because of a fucking comic that sucked ass. after a while it feels like people forgot abt him :( fortnite seriously moves WAYYY too fast and theres too many characters to get attached to, once your fave falls out of relevancy in story you are probably not gonna hear about them again? the only seven members i ever see ANYONE talk abt anymore is origin and that is bc im friends with the number one origin fans SBHJAHBANJA i love them i hope they have fun forever <3
something else that i think is that, i fell out of the fortnite fandom because it feels like its not a great place to explore ideas for me. when it comes to writing, i want to explore relationships, symbols, backstories, and the character i liked (Foundation) did NOT have that many people willing to explore those ideas and it made me scared to share them. Fortnite also doesnt really have a lot of... depth. it COULD have depth, sure, but you have to grasp at straws and make up half of it. it just.. wasnt fulfilling enough, i need something i can Dig into.
ill always love the Fortnite characters, and ill always love The Seven. ill always love Fiore (my foundation oc i made before he got unmasked officially) and FUCK ill always love all of the villains and Jones. but right now i need to explore something else fulfilling
here are some other small reasons:
my art has been stolen for tiktok thirst traps multiple times
i dont have a problem with being in a community with a lot of teenagers (i am a teenager. an adult one but ykno) but DAMN its a relief to be able to talk like an adult to OTHER ADULTS now that im out of there
ive also had to hide my nsfw art twitter for a variety of reasons that are complex. (one of them being that Im not trying to get bullied more)
it felt like i was fucked bc i couldnt produce relevant art fast enough to keep up with the game
#SORRY THATS SRSLY LONGGGG#.txt#ask#also if i said every crazy thing i had ever thought i would be put in the fortnite struggles hall of fame#now i can just like. say crazy ass things here and people will just nod and understand me
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small brain: hajishun galaxy brain: ikurui
#hhhhhhi guys sorry i never post but tsukiuta is too inactive for my dumb adhd brain to stay fixated with#im on the enstars train rn but i promise i still love my boys#ill always love my boys even if theres no content of them ever#oh yeh this post isnt a dig at the hajishuns i just lowkey dont care about the seniors ever
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Hey!
Bee Iām coming to you for an advice since Iām in so much distress and I just feel your words will be so comforting. Youāve that ability to just speak comfort.
So Iāve been ARMY since January 2021. Itās exactly my anniversary today (the 21th) and I love that journey with these amazing people. Iāve learnt and grown so much with them and their wisdom. Iāve also had great memories with ARMYS on Twitter and overran a memorable experience.
But now.. especially since my universe era, everything has become uglier and more dull because of ARMYS. In the beginning i was ONLY stanning BTS and I never questioned the way ARMYS spoke so ill about other idols or belittled their fandoms, I just thought it was ARMYS reciprocating the treatment. So I started branching out and listening to other boy and girl groups and Iām so happy because I didnāt want to one day just be that person that writes off other talented groups just because of BTS.
And since then, itās like my colored glasses were off and I saw how insufferable and toxic a lot of ARMYS are. Always belittling otherās achievements, milestones and calling everyone that even tries to reach btsās unachievable records a āflopā. It has gotten viscous. And whenever I try to reason with people on stan Twitter that this is not right nor a good look for BTS, they call me āa multi hoeā or just anti bts. Itās so ridiculous. I can wholeheartedly say, ARMYS are some of the most toxic people Iāve ever come across. And now I get why many just dislike or donāt even try to stan BTS because of their entitled fans. Ofc THeres the good and intelligent ones, but these are often silenced. And donāt even let me start of that ābts paved the wayā bullshit because the last time I remembered, BTS didnāt pave shit. In fact that made it harder for other groups to ever reach their level and I donāt see that as paving, because paving essentially means making things easier and BTS made it the total opposite and thatās just facts.
Iām so lost. I donāt wanna say I dislike bts because of these instances but itās making it hard for me to be on Twitter and getting my blod pressure high every hour because of these dumb arguments online. Itās not good for me nor for BTS.
Am Iām overreacting or do I have right to feel suffocated by these things? I think itās also because thereās never a break... Iām constantly getting bombarded by it, but also feel guilty if Iām not up to date on every detail or content BTS posts. So Iām so torn.
Should I leave TWITTER? Should I leave this fandom... not bts but just not associate with ARMYS? I feel I want more and I enjoy the good times but Iāve also reached a point where Iām mentally tired and distressedš
Ah, yes, come into the arms of an old ARMY soul and let me comfort you. Becoming an ARMY goes through all the same stages as falling in love. First there's the curiosity, then the thrill of learning all you can about them and finding they are perfect for you, then the honeymoon period where they become your whole world, and then eventually, you begin to see them for who they really are, all the good and and all the bad. And you have to decide if the real relationship is worth keeping in your life or not. I'll post some tips below for how to rekindle the spark, but only you can decide if your life is better for their presence in it or not.
Bee's Guidelines for Keeping Your Fandom Space Enjoyable
1. The only thing you can control is your own emotions
Things you cannot control: what people say on the internet, what other ARMY do or say, other people's emotional reactions, what BTS will do or feel or think about something
Things you can control: your own actions, most of your exposure to people or content that is upsetting
It does no good to "reason with people on stan twitter". Because you cannot control how other people will think or feel about something, especially people that you don't have a pre-existing relationship. It will just lead to you pour lots of energy into things that will stress you out and not cause any meaningful change. Block or mute things that make you want to argue. When you engage with content, even content that makes you mad, all the social media algorithms will adapt to show you more of it. So by trying to argue against it, you end up promoting it/bringing in more of the stuff that will upset you.
2. If it doesn't spark joy, get rid of it
I do not automatically follow-back on Twitter. I only follow people I have already interacted with positively in some way. As I'm scrolling and find myself having a strong emotional response to something, like anger or fear, I will either unfollow or mute the poster (even if I agree with them!). I mute friends sometimes, not out of any animosity toward them, but just because I don't have the stamina to continually be upset every time I go to my safe and happy place.
3. You are not obligated to anyone but yourself
You don't owe anyone anything. You are a part of this fandom because it brings you joy. Fandom will always expand to fill whatever amount of free-time you are willing to give it, so there is no way to possibly keep up with all of it. Take breaks as you need to. Things that seem urgent and important today on ARMY Twitter are usually gone by the next day. Just ride the wave and dip in and out as you are able and find enjoyable.
It sounds to me that at a minimum, you need to give yourself some space to think. Maybe just try turning off the social media for a day or two and see how you feel. Good luck!
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dream taking reader from the back while Friends by Chase Atlantic is playing in the background š
-also may I be šŖ anon? if not that's absolutely fine! ly stay safe!
yooo ive been working on so many things i forgot i finished this one! hopefully its how you wanted it to be cause im v proud of it. heavy angst in the beginning but it ends with rough smut and fluff
Just tell me what youre doin with that other guy
Your friends had invited you to a party, you didnt want to be here but your most recent boy toy, quackity, had insisted that you both go because he wanted to show you off. As soon as you both got there however, he ran off with some of his friends, leaving you to stand around with your absolutely plastered group of girl friends. They all kept talking about this one guy on the other side of the room who they said was ābad newsā. You had no idea who they were talking about until your eyes met.
āI bet i could get in his pants first, i dont care how bad of an idea it is.ā says one of your friends.
All of your girlfriends are wasted, they want it, they chase it
You couldnt just let her say that about him, as much as you were mad at him you couldnt stand her degrading him like that. āActually him and i used to mess around, i kinda miss him to be honestā¦.he was always so sweet and perfect to me.ā you retaliate to your friends humiliating comment about the guy you regret losing.
āYoure joking. You do know hes literally the biggest fuckboy ever. Theres no way in hell im even letting you go near him tonight, besides you have quackity now.ā gemma said, she may be wasted but she was always the mom of the group. You sigh and go back to your solo cup full of whatever clear alcohol you poured into it earlier.
All of your friends have been here for to long, they must be waiting for you to move on
Gemma continued to watch you for the next several hours until your eyes caught his again. Dream was a fitting name for him, he was like a dream come true for you with his dirty blonde hair and soft, freckled covered face. He always towered over you but it made you feel safe.
Girl, im not with it, im way to far gone
As your eyes met you could tell he was gone, his eyes devouring your skin as if he could still see what you looked like beneath your small skirt and crop top. You shudder at his predatory gaze before he gestures up the stairs and walks away, leaving you shuddering and trying to figure out what he was up to.
āHey, im gonna run to the kitchen for a drink, ill be back in a sec.ā you said and gemma nodded as you quickly make your way through the crowded space and up the stairs.
Heart on your sleeve like youve never been loved
You couldnt lie, you really didnt like quackity but after everything went downhill with dream you just needed someone to be there for you and he happened to walk in at the wrong time. As you get to the top of the stairs, dream pulls you quickly into a bathroom and locks the door before pressing you against it.
Runnin in circles now look what youve done
He looked a mess, eyes puffy and red, obviously not all there after drinking so much.
āLook what youve done to me, really look at it. I havent been the same since i let you go, i made a mistake. Please...please come back.ā youve never seen him like this, begging for a second chance.
Give you my word as you take it and run
āHow can i trust you wont hurt me again. You said that you would never hurt me then you went and did what you did. How do i know you arent lying?ā he looks down, one hand reaching out to take yours.
āLet me prove it to youā
Wish youd let me stay, im ready now
āYou cant just walk back into my life and expect me to just take you at your word or let you āmake it up to meā. What you did tore me apart dreamā your eyes go dark as you look at him with anger and sadness.
Just give me some time and space to realize
āAfter not being with you for so long, it made me realize how much i need you in my lifeā he looks at you with desperation
And what the hell were we? Tell me we werent just friends, this doesnt make much sense
āYou told me that all we would ever be is friends when i told you how much i loved you, how much i still love you. After all of that, after all the tears ive spilled for you, you just expect to walk back in here and regain my love and trust?ā you take his hand softly, āthats not how it works as bad as i want it to work that way.ā
But im not hurt im tense, cause ill be fine without you, babe
āI lied, i told you i would be fine and that i didnt need your or love you like you love me but i lied. I was so scared of you leaving that i pushed you away. Please, just give me one more chanceā¦ā he looked so sad as he said that. Opening up was never one of his strong points so you took what he said to heart.
Wish youd let me stay, im ready now
āThen make it up to me.ā you smirk at him as he looks up at you with wide eyes. āMake me forget everything you did to hurt me and maybe i'll give you another chance.ā he smirks and his eyes go dark with lust before he pulls you from against the door and bends you over the sink. Your phone rings an you check to see who it is
Incoming call from: quackity
You toss your phone to the side quickly as dream starts to tug at your skirt, tugging it down quickly to see you had nothing on under it.
āIts like you came here ready for me to fuck you princess. Being so naughty with nothing on under this skimpy little skirt.ā he slaps your ass hard and you lurch forward with a moan. He pulls your hands behind your back, pinning them there with one hand as the other starts to play with you, putting one finger in and pulling a moan from your throat. āSuch pretty noises, god why did i ever let a perfect little thing like you go.ā he adds a second finger and starts to thrust them relentlessly as you moan and beg from under him, the familiar tune of a song you played for him drifting up the stairs as you slowly come undone below him. He chuckles darkly before pulling his fingers out, dragging a whine from you before he quickly replaces it, thrusting into you all at once and setting a rough pace. He uses his free hand to tug you back by your hair and make you look in the mirror.
āLook at how much of a mess you are for me, no one else can make you feel like this princess, youre all mine.ā he finishes his sentence with a particularly rough thrust that makes you scream out, coaxing an orgasm you didnt even know you were so close to out of you as he keeps going. You watch your form in the mirror, seeing how ruined you looked with tears running down your cheeks and ruined makeup. He laughs behind you before pulling you up to his chest and moving the hand that was pinning your behind your back to your throat, applying light pressure. You let out a silent moan and throw your head back before he leans down and bites it.
āSuch a dirty girl, getting off on my hand around your neckā he puts more pressure on your neck before biting above his hand. Your eyes roll back as you cum around him again with a muffled scream. He pulls his hand from your neck and starts to bite and suck on it, his hips stuttering as he comes closer to his end. āS-so fucking good for me princess, never gonna let you go againā as he say that he fills you up with a gutteral moan and you throw your hands back to grip his hair. You both take a second to come down before he pulls out, causing you to whine before he helps you put your skirt back on and turns you to face him.
āGive me another chance?ā he smiles softly at you.
āOnly if you take me home.ā he nods quickly and takes your hand, leading you down the stairs an past your friends and your āboyfriendā
āHey babe, where are you going with that asshole?ā quackity asks before trying to pull you away from dream.
āActually quackity, weāre over...sorry!ā with that, both you and dream rush out of the house and to his car before getting in. he takes you back to his apartment and you both curl up on the couch, you laying on his chest with a content smile as he pulls a blanket over the both of you. You fall asleep in his arms, knowing that it was just right.
#dreamwastaken#dream x reader#dream x reader smut#dreamwastaken smut#dreamwastaken x reader smut#mcyt smut#mcyt x reader smut#dreamwastaken x reader#tomato smut#dream smp#dream smp x reader#dream smp smut#dream smp x reader smut
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IMPOSTER - PART THREE
summery ā¤ļø Nobody has any quirks and is stuck on a ship like Among Us
pairings ā¤ļø Imposter!Dabi x Reader
content warnings ā¤ļø major character deaths
| prev.|
"at least this means we dont have to worry anymore." kaachan shrugs, you snap your head towards him,
"what do you mean?"
"I mean usually theres only like one, right? meaning we're most likely in the clear." you nod, you honestly forgot kaachan existed there for a sec, he was just so...quiet.
"kaachan c'mere, you too deku." the former looked at you weirdly but complied, while the latter bounced over to you.
you briefly let go of dabi and pulled shoto with you, and hugged all three of the young boys closely.
you knew that them and ingeniumu were in the same classes all through highschool, and they joined headquarters together, to lose a friend like that...you couldn't imagine it.
shoto grabbed onto your arms again, hugging himself close to you, deku, wrapped his arms around you and kaachan -surprisingly- leaned into you, he didnt hug you back but he showed his appreciation and a few sniffles could he heard from all of them.
"c'mon guys, we just have to finish our tasks and soon enough we'll be home, okay?" they nod and slowly pull themselves off of you. "ill show you guys my place and we'll get froyo, all of us,"
shoto lets out a small smile whereas deku didnt hide his, even kaachan didnt bother hiding the goofy smile that broke through.
during your time together you had become a bit of a mother towards the three, especially kaachan and shoto, deku already having a healthy relationship with his mum.
as deku and shoto walk away, kaachan lingered.
"thanks." he mumbles, looking at his feet, you hold his cheek in a protective way
"no problem kaa, now shoo, go with deku," kaachan smirks and walks away.
dabi almost regretted when the moment ended, but was happy to have you in his arms again.
"that was sweet."
you hum, "yeah, your gonna have to include those kids in our little life plan you wrote," you smirk up at him, teasing him about the page you found a couple months ago, which was filled with things he wanted to do with you.
"shup up," he smiled, genuinely smiled at you, and you leant up to give him a peck on the lips.
"wonder, you ready to go?" you turn slightly to see hawks, and you pout.
"actually, do you mind if I take her from now? you and shoto can team up," hawks shrugged.
"sure! ill rescue shoto and let him be with someone cool for once!" hawks laughed as dabi was obviously annoyed.
as everyone went off with their group to finish their task you couldnt help but think.
you were glad fun loving hawks was back, you were glad everyone was back to normal actually. you dont think you guys would ever officially be healed but the thought that this was over made you happy.
dabi tugged on your hand and you looked towards him.
"can I kiss you?"
you blushed, he never outright ASKED, but you nodded anyways, filling with electricity as he cupped you cheeks and smashed his lips on yours.
you both moved in synch, as you ran your fingers through his hair and lightly tugged at times, knowing that made him go feral and right now you just wanted to forget.
you thought of how ingeniumu would react to finding you and dabi like this, the kid would probably start waving his arms and going berserk, thirteen would probably have to calm him down and tell him that it's fine, he's always nice like that.
or, he WAS always nice like that.
you felt dabi pull away and you were about to question it until you felt the tears on your cheek yourself.
"what's wrong doll?" he cupped you face and you saw worry in his eyes.
"n-nuthin." you hiccup, the weight of the reality of this situation finally crashing down on you.
they were dead, they really were dead.
"is it because of, yknow?" he jerks his head towards the cafeteria, referencing exactly why you were crying.
you let out a sob as you bobbed your head.
"awh, c'mere doll," dabi cooed and grabbed the back of your head, pulling you in for a tight hug and his other hand slipped around your waist, softly squeezing to show support.
"t-theyre go-gone! a-and ingeniumu will n-never be the-there to sco-scold us ag-gain and a-and and-" you hiccupped out, they were gone, they were really fucking gone.
"shh shh doll, it will be okay, think about having froyo with the kids and me, how about we make it a tradition? every Sunday how about?" you slightly nod as he moves his hand around you head to cup your cheek, whipping your tears, "yeah? and with me, you, kaachan, deku and shoto, we'll all have froyo each sunday, and when we eventually have kids we'll bring them along too,"
you hum, that did sound nice.
"kaachan would probably try to teach them how to probably beat up deku before they reached 5," you let out a laugh, he would do that.
"and if they didnt learn how to properly throw a right hook on their own before 3, he would probably stay up all day and night to make sure," your voice sounded croaky but dabi still smiled.
"exactly. even if we have to change the life plan a little bit it will still be our life plan, and we're gonna spend it together," you smile and look up at your boyfriend.
"thank you touya," you lightly kiss his cheek,
"anything for you doll,"
he went to kiss your lips again before both of your watches beeped, an emergency meeting.
you both ran back towards the cafeteria, deku, shoto, twice and hawks already there, where was kaachan?
hawks seemed to catch your eye looking throughout the room, and spoke up, "kaachan is dead."
suddenly it felt like everything came crashing down.
you didnt understand, he was- he was there and alive! and your plans- oh god you cant go for froyo now.
it seemed silly to worry about that but you were panicking, it was what you were supposed to do!
you stared at hawks, "n-no. no. hes not dead."
hawks took a step forward, "wonder-"
"no! he- he cant be dead! t-the froyo and the the-" dabi grabbed you and pulled you into his chest again, your newly dried eyes watering again but you just pathetically leaned into your boyfriend. "he cant be dead." you whimpered.
dabi affectionately rubbed your back, "it's okay doll, its gonna be okay,"
everyone stared at you in sympathy, they were all affected but it was obvious you were struggling.
twice had a different look though, like guilt, one that hawks didnt miss.
"hey twice?"
he snapped his head up towards the blonde, "yeah?" his voice slightly cracked.
"where were you?"
"I-"
"oh god not with this shit again! hawks will you give it a break for two fucking seconds?" dabi snaps, "I dont care if this is your way of coping is fucking interrogating us or something but just leave it alone!"
"oh im SO sorry for worrying about who's gonna be dead next!"
"i dont ca-"
shoto interrupted the two, "tomura said he was with twice last time and twice agreed. but now we know tomura was killing." shoto's voice cracked.
twice widened his eyes, but nodded. "i-im sorry."
everyone stared in shock, even hawks was silent.
he didnt look up, "the system is fucked, I'm telling you that, but I didnt want to hurt any of you i swear!"
hawks didnt say anything as he pushed him into the trash chute room, and neither did twice, he didnt even protest.
"can I ask you one more question?" hawks asked, twice slowly nodding.
"are there anymore?"
twice makes eye contact with dabi, another look hawks doesnt miss, and nods, holding up a finger.
with that hawks pulls the switch and out went twice, into space.
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#dabi#dabi is touya#dabi x reader#dabi x y/n#dabi x you#mha dabi#mha headcanons#mha imagines#mha x y/n#among us#among us au#bnha dabi#dabi my hero academia#dabi headcanons#dabi is a todoroki#mha fanfiction#mha#bnha imagines#bnha fanfiction#bnha#bnha headcanons#bnha x reader
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16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz š¤š
fandom asks
16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs
17. 3 things you love about [insert character]
1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually
25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)
s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)
s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3
s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting
s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)
s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3
s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing
s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)
s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights
s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^
s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality
s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3
s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^
s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it
s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!
s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love
s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)
s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny
s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth
s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc
s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring
s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^
s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !
s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk
s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...
#collapses into a heap. it took me forever to write this#but thats ok bc ur worth it dude ^_^#honestly i dont super remember s20 and onward so. my favs might change when i get to rewatching those#but oh well ^_^ peace and love#craig.txt#asks#south park tag#baz/ezra/magnus tag
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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER
omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you donāt wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):
the reason(s) i was gone for so long
what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)
the status of those um . halloween requests
the future of this account
i. so . Hiatus .
i know. i knowĀ . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.
a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or wouldĀ put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much moreĀ āidc its my life im living itā but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)
tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr
ii. anywhere hereās wonderwall
when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so milesĀ (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism andĀ āgrind cultureā here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)
at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in generalĀ up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do ššš¼
media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impactĀ after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa š i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa
tl;dr: Iām Into Danganronpa Now
iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right
i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:
there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good š§āāļø) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...
i will notĀ be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this š§āāļø what i willĀ do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept ofĀ āotherā id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.
regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).
tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.
iv. so what now?
well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im notĀ into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list
and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)
as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc hereĀ n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.
ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again š§āāļø) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......
and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.
tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)
the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:
im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.
there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybeĀ writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.
regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold š¤
love, ari š
#did i have an announcement tag#announcement#also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted#my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well#some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is#its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like š§āāļø#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd#im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence#consider this my comeback stage
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fanfic writer tag game <3
helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol
ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33
peum ~
1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?
omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol
2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?
seventeen is all for rn, but iām thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!
3. how long have you been writing?
oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half
4. on which platforms do you post your stories?
rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop
5. what is your favourite genre to write?
ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think youāll never forget... the idea of being with someone and youāre just so sure theyāre your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh
6. are you a pantser or a planner?
oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones
7. one shot or multi-chapter?
ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol
8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?
hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing
9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?
if weāre talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, itās for now; forever at 9k!
10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?
oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but iām feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe
11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)
ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL
12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?
yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness
13. current number of wips?
fuck like somewhere around 20 probably
14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?
i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest
15. a quote you like from a published story
im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:
āAre youā¦ā Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. āAre you ever afraid that weāll fall out of love?ā
It never occurred to you that this was love. Itās not like the love youāve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybeā¦ maybe thatās why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises heāll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.
(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)
It takes you a while to respond. āI donāt know,ā you end up saying, because you really donāt. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldnāt be the first time. āWould thatā¦ be okay?ā
āI donāt know,ā Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. āYouāre stillā¦ā
He pauses, like heās trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. āIām still?ā
āEverything,ā he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because itās the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like youāll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.
next is from like there isnāt something missing <3
But youāre crying into his chest because itās not you, and itās not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if somethingā¦ if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.
He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.
āI was so lucky to love you,ā he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. āIām so happy I got the chance.ā
When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, heās not surprised. But the Post-It note thatās dressed in your handwritingā¦
Well. Itās over.
and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!
āThis will always be our own time,ā he says. āWeāll meet here.ā
You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.
āOur thirteenth month,ā you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.
He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.
16. a quote from an unpublished story
ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that iāve just been working on planning out <3
Smoke blows past somebody elseās lips and partially obstructs Wonwooās view of you.
He hasnāt been to a party like this in a long time. Itās elegant, more of a gala than anything. He canāt remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesnāt really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.
You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. Itās impressive, the way you float around the room like itās nothing.
Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.
and the second one...
"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this
"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."
and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite
it makes you feel almost sad
"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles
17. space for you to say something to your readers
wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end š but i appreciate your support thus far, even if itās small... iām still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!
also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333
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Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one Iām interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!
All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol
Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who havenāt played ā do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and itās gonna be long.
Also, this is one personās interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree thatās cool and weāll agree to disagree.
Youāre also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, Iām grabbing them from Youtube and itās frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.
Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx
Recap time!
I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?
A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.
And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.
Moseying on.
The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.
You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind ā remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.
Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.
While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.
Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.
Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.
You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.
Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.
The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.
The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.
Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.
You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story ā that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.
Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.
This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.
The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.
Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!
Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).
There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.
So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.
I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.
Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.
āThrough suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?ā
Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?
I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people whoāve lived through trauma deal with every single day. Itās a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloudās internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. Itās no wonder he freezes.
Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.
This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her ā this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him ā so much so that his entire face changes ā I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him ā again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.
This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.
There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out ā through Sephirothās skewed af bullshit ā it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.
This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying āex-SOLDIERā, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.
Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)
The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)
I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.
Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.
This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.
So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.
Conclusion
Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.
PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.
Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and āfine, for Tifaā expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.
It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.
#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers#final fantasy 7 remake analysis#Character analysis#Cloud Strife#Tw: ptsd
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āget to know meā tag game
rules: answer the questions and tag people youād like to get to know better.
i was tagged by @ena-noya11 and yes this is old but ive been busy with uni and am not gonna miss a chance to rant about myself. but i wont tag anyone, just if you see this do it bc wtf not???
What do you perfer to be called name-wise?
jess, always jess. i cant remember the last time anyone called me jessica. although some people do call me moon which is cute
When is your birthday?
september 23rd
Where do you live?
im as british as they come
Three things you are doing right now:
let me see...im procrastinating from doing my dry lab work bc i cant go back into labs, im listening to my lovely new side m boys (rn its infinite possibilities by s.e.m, who lowkey may be my faves) and im knitting a jumper
Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?
1. atm defo hypmic. cant wait for the 3rd drb release to drop, in need hq black journey
2. also defo defo sk8 i really cant get enough of these skateboard gays, and ive ventured into ao3 and i dont regret it at allĀ
3. again, idolmaster side m (can you tell i like the 2d idols) i just binged the anime after finishing a uni project and the music is absolute fire i would sell my soul for all of them
4. i hate to say it but the promised neverland, bc the first season was so good and now ive picked up the manga, and personally every single situation ive headcannoned is better than what this season is giving me
How has the pandemic been treating you?
idk really?? like day to day it doesnāt feel that bad, but i feel like it isnāt helping me at all. this is my 4th year of uni which was supposed to be very lab heavy which hasnāt happened, and being away has really dropped my confidence in being able to actually do science. and as a shy person itās just giving me an excuse to be distant and keep to myself which isnāt good bc i know i need to make an effort to be social. but at least ive been able to spend lots of time with my family which is great bc 3 years of uni has really taught me how much i miss them when im away
but it gave me the perfect opportunity to get into anime which is great bc as a person that in the past hyperfixates and jumps between fandoms, something tells me this is gonna stick
A song you canāt stop listening to right now?
KAIGEN by badass temple. no joke it slaps. as of rn i want them to win the drb, just bc of how hard that song goes
How old are you?
22. fuck im 22, 23 this year. it feels like i only just turned 18, how am i supposed to be an adult now
School, univerisity, occupation, other?
uni, im in my 4th masters year doing biochem (and genetics), although all im studying this year is plants plants plantsĀ
Do you prefer heat or cold?
cold. defo cold. i dont mind the summer but ever since i got heatstroke a couple of years ago in a very very hot paris, ive been scarred
Name one fact others may not know about you.
i love love love watching costube, it is my gig. id love to be able to sew properly and make my own clothes
Are you shy?
definately. unless you are my family, i dont know how to act around you
Pronouns?
she/her
Biggest pet peeves?
people just not being concious of the fact that the world exists kinda?? like people that are just too preocupied with themselves. like its not that hard to just do a helpful job for someone. and you can be completely selfish about it, bc itll make you feel good to help someone else. just be nice.
What is your favorite ādereā type?
lol lowkey i love a bakadere, but only if theyre done well
Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.
probably 8, maybe even a 9. i have the best family, and im doing well at uni. i can just hang out, watch anime, do some work, do some crochet or knitting. i have lots of stuff to so and that i want to do which always feels great. but im also right at that turning point where im about to leave uni and have to figure out what my life is gonna be like which is terrifying, and im also at that point where i feel like my entire life revolves around uni work which kinda sucks bc theres other stuff i want to do, like learn to sew, or learn a language, that i just dont have time for. but honestly, i wouldnt have it any other way
Whatās your main blog?
youre on it
List your side blogs and what theyāre used for.
none. i dont have time or the mental capacity to cope with side blogs. this is just the mess of content and stream of concious rants you get
Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?
i SUCK at communicating. like i actively dislike communicating unless it is a 1 on 1 face to face conversation. so if i dont message you, it doesnt mean i hate you. i just suck at keeping in contact with people, and am working on it. so please just talk to me, bc ill never not want to talk
lol if you got to the end thanks and see yaĀ
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A high school confession
AN: This is an experiment might make a bigger thing bout of this also its time for some fluff
āTry not to embarrass yourself.ā Stated Mab as I left the Castle.
Same old bs, never a āgood luckā, or, ādo your best.ā Always about the kingdom and my eventual inheritance, I will rule the Ice court, I will make descions that will affect millions of people. Knights will depend on me, servants will want guidance. Other courts will want to challenge me. Seemsā¦. A lot for someone like me. A teenage fairy, but it is the life I have to lead once i graduate. But thats not till a long time down the road at least a year.Ā
I got on the carriage and we went to the human world, to the high school I attend.
Ā The carriage pulled up to Fallbrook high school, not too bad of a school. I mean we have our bully issues and teachers donāt really care but we donāt have to worry about Gangs. The leaders of the nevenever make sure of that. It's a red brick building with a flagpole in the middle.When I got out of the carriage, I was greeted by a red haired boy. A summer fairy but a treasured one.
āHey ice boy. Have you seen the princess?ā
My nerves were instantly shot, āDo you not know where she is?ā
āIā¦ I saw her at breakfast but then i heard a welp and she vanished.ā
Son of a bitch!!
I bolted straight into the building, people moving out of my way as I bulldoze into hall, Puck going after me.
āIce boy! Slow down! You donāt know if shes in trouble!ā
But I did, i knew exactly what happened. I knew that she was hurting her. I swer this time Iāll kill that freak!
My heart was beating faster then I thought it ever could, why am I reacting this way? Its not like this is the first time its happened. But I could barely keep track of her glamour, It was getting weaker and weaker. Gods no, please if there is any beings of higher power out there protect her. Please protect herā¦
Sure enough As i turned to the gym, a Black teeanger had blonde teenager in a choke hold. The blonde teeanger had tears forming in her eyes, my rage erupting like a volcano. My ice glamour exploded freezing everything around The black teeanger, she stepped on ice and fell on her butt letting the blonde go.
āMeghan!ā I shouted and rushed towards her.
Meghan fell to the ground and I caught her, i scooped up her fragile body in my arms.
āMeghan! Talk to me!ā
I heard a growl from behind me and Puck sheriked as I felt a fist lunge at me.
I tanked the blow,Ā everyone told me stories bout Tyras monster strength. Gangers wonāt mess with her cause of how scary she is. But she didnāt impress me, her punch hurt but it was nothing I havenāt handled before. I shot an ice spike to get her to jump in the air. Tyra landed gracecfully on the ground.
āIāve had enough of you getting in my way of beating retard!ā Tyra snarled.
I told Puck to come over he did, I handed him Meghan and told the two to get out of here. They left. But by this point a crowd had gathered.
āTyras gonna fight the ice prince!ā Said a student.
āNo, Tyras gona destory the ice prince. No one can handle Tyra.ā Said a teacher.
Tyra cracked her knuckles grinning, āIāve been looking forward to this, youre hot but youre too nice. Im going to fix that.ā
āIs that right?ā I smirked.
I slowly walked around, in a slow mocking matter. Bending my knee, her brown eyes glaring at me. People asked what I was doing, I walked around her slowly. Finally she shouted and lunged
I blocked her punch and pushed her off me, I did not strike her. She got ready for another punch, and she went through with her attack, this time she missed. I leaned out of the way, Tyra tried to bear hug me but I slide under her.Ā
āFIGHT ME!!ā Tyra roared.
Suddenly an ice blast froze Tyra solid, I looked around and there was the principle. He glared at me.
āMr. Johnson?ā I asked surprised.
āWhat happened young man!ā Mr. Johnson snapped.
āTyra attacked Meghan Chase sir,āI replied, āI was defending my friend.ā
Mr Johnson was trained by my mom to use Ice glamour, he takes no crap from any of the students and hes very strict. He puffed and singled for a cop.
āTake Miss Tyra away she will be expelled if Ash isā¦ā
Suddenly Mr. Johnsonās phone rang, it was the nurse.
āWhat is it miss bells?ā
āWhat? Miss Chase is unconscious?ā
Everyone gulped.
āEveryone get to class! NOW!ā
We all scattered.
I went straight to home room, I was sure I was going to get jumped Tyra was very popular. I know people were going to be pissed. In fact I got sneers and glares as I walked through the halls. I expected someone to try and deck me.
But I was greeted by Puck, who looked sad.
āHey, how is she?ā
āShe wonāt wake up ice boy. They called in an ambulance.ā
Darn it!
I patted Pucks shoulder, āSheās been through hell before, sheāll get out again.ā
Puck touched my hand and smiled at me, āYoure right.ā
We both sat down, and class started. It seemed like nothing changed, Meghan was gone but no one seemed to care. Meghan was a huge part of all of our classes too. The teacher didnāt seem to notice that no one was answering questions besides me. Its normally me and Meghan.
āThe left index.ā I answered.
āVery good Ash.ā The teacher replied.
A student laughed, āMan, I canāt believe that rere was holding Ash back.ā
Bile rose in my throat, Meghan has had mental illnesses for as long as I remember. Its been the number one reason for her being bullied.
āMeghan wasnāt holding back anything I-ā
āRere!ā The student snapped, āGods how long have you been here? Learn the terminology fairy!ā
āMeghan is not a ārereā or whatever you call her. She's just as important to this class as I am.ā
āUgh, what is she? your girlfriend or something??ā The student yelled
Everyone gasped like he just dropped an F bomb.
The teacher jumped in, āAnthony leave Ash alone. Theres no way he would date Miss chase. Now lets get back to the lesson.ā
The class went on without a hitch though that accusation never left my mind.
What is she? Your girlfriend or something?
Did I see Meghan like that? She's been my friend for as long as I remember. She's my best friend. I feel content when shes around, when weāre cuddling and I can feel her heartbeat. When weāre watching a movie, when Iām fighting off bullies for her. I even defied my mom to be her friend, it was the one argument I ever won against my mom. Even as a king I will never abandon Meghan, Iāll run away from the throne if I have to I-
Oh. I am in love with her.
The class ended and I was called to the nurseās office. I power walked there, my heart racing as I opened the doorā¦
āYouāre late.ā Greeted Meghan.
The smile ran across my face before I realized it, āIt took forever to get out of class.ā
She opened her arms and I took her in mine.
āWhen Tyra grabbed me that timeā¦.I thought it was over.ā She sobbed.
āI took care of it. Shes expelled.ā
āIsnāt that only going to make things worse?ā Meghan asked.
āNope.ā The nurse shook her head, āThe students have gotten a clear warning. Anything happens to you over her jail will be next. Now, I have lunch to grab, you two stay here.ā
The nurse left and it was just me and Meghan, my heart going into over drive. I wanted to tell Meghan how I felt. That Iām in love with her, I sat down next to her.
āDid you sleep well last night?ā Meghan asked.
I nodded.
āAre you okay?ā
āIā¦ I need to tell you something.ā
Now or Never.
āWhat is it?ā
I took a deep breathe gathering my thoughts, It was time to face this.
āI love you.ā
The words didnāt register right away, she just said, āhuh?ā
āI really love you.ā I repeated.
Meghan gasped, her eyes smacked with shock. Did I make a mistake?
She looked down, my heart was bout to fall into the depths of hell when she said, āUmā¦. Can you give me some time to think Ash? After school, meet me at the front gate. Iāll see you then.ā
Meghan then ran away and I just went to class.
āMan youre lame.ā Puck stated.
āShut up Summer shit.ā I snarled.
āSeriously that was the best you could come up with? Although Iām honestly shocked this didnāt happen sooner.ā
āWhats that suppose to mean?ā I asked.
āIve known you both for bout 5 years and from the moment I met youā¦ Ive had to deal with the soft stares and cuddling and couple fights. I remember when Tyra first started bullying her, and she cried that no one was going to care if she died. And You got really mad at her and you both started yelling until you screamed āif you died Iād rip out her heart myselfā and you both stared at each other mouths agape till I had to bring up the newest book coming out.ā
Puck was right, although it was embarrassing to hear him bring up the past.
āSo, were you joking?ā
I swatted at him, āOf course I wasnāt!ā
Puck Patted my head, āGood luck lover boy!āĀ
He ran away before I could kill him.
I went to the front gate and Meghan was waiting for me.
āHello Ash.ā Meghan Greeted.
āHey, Um, can I have your answer?ā
My whole life hangs on this.
Meghan smiled softly, āIā¦ was so happy when you told me. Thank you. But here is the thingā¦. I canāt believe you actually said it. and...Iām wondering if you made a bet with Michael. To see if it would be funnyā¦. So i have to askā¦ were you joking?ā
Tears were forming in her eyes when she asked if I was joking, what exactly do people take me for.
āNo i meant it.ā
āYouā¦ do know im not normal right??ā Meghan asked shocked, āIām not pretty like the other girls. I like dumb things and I can barely do anything right. And then there is the fact I'm on adhd medication. People will always judge me for that, I just doze off and I get mad quite easily; I annoy people very easilyā¦. One of my favorite thing bout you is how patient you are with me. Ifā¦. we start dating that patience will be tested to its limit. Youāll have to deal with that stuff all the time. Iā¦ donāt want to be a pest to you.ā
This foolishā¦
āYou arenāt a pest Meghan!ā
Meghan gasped and i kept going.
āHell I love you doing those things, do them all the time. I donāt get those anime cartoons you watch nor do I understand shipping and all of that but I want to be with you every step of the way. As for your mental illness I love you, all of you, especially those parts. There's nothing you could do to make me lose my patience in you. Hell, I don't even consider it a test of patience. Being with you is a choice I make. I make it every day, and Iāll keep making it till the end of time.ā
āAshā¦.ā Meghan gasped, āHas anyone ever told youā¦ that you're dangerous to a woman's heart.ā her face was flushed.
āDo love me Meghan? Cause I canāt stand the thought of not being with you. I can do anything but losing you would destroy me.ā
āYes. I love you, Ash Please be my boyfriend.ā
I walked towards her, took her face in my hands and kissed her. She coiled her arms around me and I crushed her to me. She was mine, Nothing will ever change that.
#fall fey#I randomly got inspired by rune factory#Meghan Chase#Ash Chase#high school au#should i expand on this#or does it suck?
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WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!
HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO
So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think itās a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy šš
it was originally a reply to mitarashiartās post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)
I had also posted a summary of an AU that Iām working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (Iām thinking about posting it separately along with the wips Iāve been putting together, weāll see š)
But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]
SOOO, holy hell yāall my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content iād never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes iād never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling āzadrā (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%
so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth iām shipping two characters from a kidās show (iām very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)
(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but itās important to address for clarityās sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what iām interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult iām personally curious about what kind of adults they mightāve become, and thatās the focus of my interest. iāll still be reblogging regular IZ art because itās dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesnāt mean heās a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a childrenās cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)
NOW THAT THATāS OUT OF THE WAY
- ok, first reasonās a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK
- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didnāt even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! heās just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so thereās a lot of room for growth. i feel thereās a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and thereās always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but thereās one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save themā¦
- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that donāt understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, theyāre always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how heāll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since thereās so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And donāt even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? heās adorable.
- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dibās Ā escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person whoās knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what iām saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dibās entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (heās hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all heās ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isnāt around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause iām a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.
- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy Ā Ń(ą² ēą² Ń)
- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOWāS WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because heās tall. Learning each otherās needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because theyāre from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.
so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much š so stick around if youād like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha į( į )į its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!
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SO THATāS MY MANIFESTO YāALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! IāLL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! YāALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC ITāS LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE YāALL!!!!!!
#in this trying time of shippers being stressed over discourse#i offer a gift<3 because i love you guys#and we should spread the love#i want yall to go OFF#tell me every little fuckin thing about zadr that makes ur heart doki OK#LETS GO ššš#invader zim#zadr#text post#my post#long post
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sometimes you just gotta meme for the new guy.
this is two memes combined so sorry if theres similar questions i couldnt be bothered to post them separately lmao
itās fuckin huge My Bad
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Names? If you were to choose another name for your oc, what do you think it would be? Did you choose their name for how it sounds or for its meaning?
Tbh it was a toss-up for a long time between Mallory, Felix and Everaud, and eventually the first two won. I chose it for how it sounded, but as it turned out the meanings of his first two names juxtapose pretty well together (first name Mallory - āunluckyā, second name Felix - āluckyā). His surname, Valkner, I also picked for the sound - the meaning of āwarriorā doesnāt really pertain to him lmao
He hasnāt gone by his legit first name of Mallory since he was about 12, and has used Felix almost exclusively since then. he fuckin hates it. most of the time.
Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?
No, he grew up without much money and instruments would have been a luxury. Heās vaguely considered it as an adult, but is pretty certain heād be useless so hasnāt bothered trying.
How does your oc fare in the dark? Are they scared? Do they trip over things really easily or navigate like they have night vision? (Or do they have night vision?)
He doesnāt like the dark much, but heās not scared. Heās just got bad eyesight.
How well would your oc fare as a teacher? What subject would they be best at teaching? What about the worst?
tbh heād probably be pretty good as a teacher to a group of like...primary school kids, maybe from 5-11 in age. Heās quiet-voiced, fairly mild-mannered, and has a strong sense of fairness and justice - the problem would arise when it came to older pupils, teens and up, trying to get the upperhand, bc heās not authoritative in the slightest and would probably cave. Give him a room of toddlers tho that heās only responsible for in short bursts and heād cope pretty well. Either history or english lit would be his forte; sports would be worst. the boy canāt run.
What was your ocās relationship with their parents like? If they didnāt have any parents/didnāt know them, who in their life was the closest to a parent to them?
Itās...good? I guess?? Itās complicated. his parents love their kids dearly and Felix didnāt go wanting for affection, but if anything it went too far the other way. He was absolutely smothered as a kid - after several near-death experiences with childhood illnesses (bacterial meningitis, which developed into encephalitis, then sepsis in his leg), his mother wrapped him up in cotton wool and never really let go. He couldnāt leave the house alone, he couldnāt go outside on cold days, he couldnāt move at anything faster than a walk - after being in and out of hospitals from 5-years-old to 8, and then being kept on a shelf from then, it really had an impact on how he learnt to interact with other kids his age. Itās also given him an unstable footing in life itself - heās never quite certain if heās going to lose everything at the drop of a hat, because thatās how they used to act around him. Now, with the distance of adulthood, he loves them and appreciates that they were trying their best, but he canāt help but resent them a little if he really thinks about it. He gets around this by not thinking about it.
Does your oc have any allergies, intolerances, or other sensitivities? How dangerous is it? Does this affect their daily life in any way?
heās got an allergy to letting himself be happy itās very serious
Does your oc prefer being in a crowd or being completely alone? How many people can be around them before they get uncomfortable?
Generally heās more content alone - conversation doesnāt come naturally to him, particularly if itās a crowd of strangers, and heās more content in his own company. If he does find himself in a crowd, he will take himself to the edge of the room and people-watch rather than mingle.
How open is your oc to trying new things? Are they the adventurous sort, or would they rather stay in their comfort zone? Why?
He needs to be talked into things, otherwise heād never try anything - he knows his comfort zones and heās very comfortable in them, and is not inclined to venture outside. If heās nudged into doing something, he may end up finding that he enjoys it - doesnāt necessarily mean heād do it again under his own steam, but he doesnāt always regret the experience.
Does your oc have any best friends? Who was/is their closest friend? What about their worst enemy?
Pathetically enough, he doesnāt, really. Sylvia was his best, and to be honest his only friend, and when she left his social life left with her. He loves her still, but he loves her platonically (even if he hasnāt realised that yet) and that wasnāt enough for her, understandably. Outside of her, thereās not really anyone else.
No enemies. Heās not important enough to have enemies.
How dangerous is your oc? Are they completely innocent, or someone to be feared? Do others know?
tbh Felixās level of danger is about the same as a puppy with a knife in its mouth. like yeah it might get you by accident but its way more likely to hurt itself and its not really done anything to deserve that so really its more important to get the knife away from it for its own benefit than yours
What is your ocās vision like? Do they require glasses, are they completely blind, or do they have 20/20 vision? Does this have an effect on their life?
He wears glasses for pretty much everything - heās not blind without them, but his visionās bad enough that he wouldnāt be able to cope for the whole day if he left them at home.
If your oc were to be arrested for something, what would it be for? For being too kind, for a legitimate crime?
Probably for getting mixed up in something he didnāt mean to get involved in - Felix is the sort of person to say āyesā to one request because he felt pressured and then find himself 20 āyesās down the line embezzling money from the government for the Serbian mafia with no idea how he got there. Heās quite easy to manipulate - a person who knows how to press his buttons can generally work the answer they want out of him.Ā
How quiet or loud is your oc? Are they easily capable of sneaking around without being heard, or do they feel itās impossible to stop talking?
Heās pretty quiet - tries not to draw attention to himself if he can avoid it, and he doesnāt really speak unless heās spoken to.
How stylistically fancy is your oc? Or would they rather go for comfort and plainness instead?
His primary concern is durability and price - he needs something that will either last for as long as possible so he doesnāt have to replace it any time soon, or something that is cheap enough that it doesnāt matter if it wears out, and ergo, Primark. He oftens window-shops for nice-fitting, fancy clothing in the London boutiques he passes on the way to work, but has never bought anything like that in his life and canāt bring himself to even consider it.
Whatās your ocās preferred mode of transportation? Walking, vehicle, (or in a sci-fi/magic setting) teleportation?
His preferred mode of transport is a car, but his isnāt always working properly so when he has to, he takes a bus - he doesnāt like walking if he can avoid it, partially because it wears him out and partially because heās kind of physically lazy.
Is your oc always late, always early, or always right on time? Is there any reason for this?
Heās always early, because he leaves early, because heās already envisioned about 20 different disasters that could make him late on the way and heās trying to circumvent all of them.
How empathetic is your oc? Or are they closer to being a sociopath? Any reason why?
Felix doesnāt really realise that heās empathetic - he thinks heās just doing what everyone does, but in fact he will go out of his way to improve a situation for someone if he thinks theyāre being hard-done-by for no benefit to himself, even to the extent of bending or breaking rules. Itās partially why he got into the law-scene - he wants to see things bettered for people who need it.
How much does your oc swear? Or do they keep completely clean? Why is this? Is there any situation where they would be the opposite?
Swearing doesnāt come naturally to him - heās one of those people who will swear only under their breath and still manage to feel guilty about doing it. If he is going to swear out loud, he does it in German and it always comes out clumsily.
How does your ocās own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if itās different)?
Itās pretty different. In his mind, heās pretty useless - a bit of a waste-of-space who has coasted through life by pretending to be better than he is, kind of dull, kind of boring, kind of unattractive, altogether too much of Nothing Special for anyone to really be bothered with. Realistically, he comes across as responsible and competent at his job, perhaps a little highly-strung and nervy but nevertheless perfectly capable of managing the responsibilities he has. Itās his own self-doubt that cripples him, for the most part - people see it in him, and perhaps it makes them wonder if thereās a reason for it.
Is your oc a workaholic, or do they find it hard to be busy at all? Do they find it easy to relax, or must they have something to do at all times? Why?
if heās not working, heās thinking, and that simply wonāt do. Felixās whole life is work, for the most part - he throws his all into it, and isnāt sure what to do with himself when heās sitting at home alone in a dead-quiet flat.
How energetic is your oc? Do they have trouble sitting still or do they feel low on juice all the time? Any reason why?
Heās constantly exhausted. Itās because heās depressed. He hasnāt figured that out yet.
How does your character sleep? Peacefully, fitfully? What position do they sleep in? What is their typical bedding like?
Not very peacefully - Felix is a light sleeper, so although capable of getting to sleep relatively quickly he wakes up in fits and starts throughout the night. He tends to sleep curled on his left side, on bedding that is cheap, serviceable and durable. He canāt afford to buy anything decent. He finds it easier to stay asleep if thereās ambient noise in the room - white noise, the TV, whatever.
Does your oc have dreams or nightmares? What are they like? Is there a recurring one?
Heāll suffer a pretty bad nightmare here and there, generally to do with hospitals or medical procedures, but they arenāt chronic.
How easy to annoy is your oc? Do they have common pet-peeves or are they stoic in response to everything? What is their reaction if the source doesnāt stop?
heās real easy to annoy lmao. Heās got a list of pet peeves a mile long and heās very easy to get a rise out of, so people who enjoy getting a reaction (Lyon) find him very entertaining pickings. He keeps telling himself not to get so worked up because it only encourages things, but he canāt help it.
How does your oc view housework? Do they absolutely hate it? Do they enjoy having their surroundings neat and tidy or do they not notice?
He hates doing it, but he really enjoys a clean space afterwards and goes a long way to keep things organised. Disorder stresses him out - he particularly canāt bear people coming into his space and messing it up.
Your oc has to make something for an art exhibition. What would they make? How terrible is it? Would they enjoy making it?
oh christ. the thing is, heās actually not that bad at art - heās got a good handle on anatomy and perspective and can reproduce images or photpgraphs fairly well - but he thinks heās useless and has never shown anyone anything. heād produce a pretty solid sketch of like a coffee shop at 5pm or something dull like that, apologise profusely for the result, and hate every second of it.
What is your ocās vocabulary like? Does it match the way they talk? How would you describe their speech?
He speaks pretty well - heās precise with his words and keeps a quiet, even tone, and his vocab is fairly developed. If thereās a flaw with his speech, itās that he speaks rather too quickly, because heās used to being constantly interrupted - it becomes a race to get the sentence finished and his point across, before someone can cut him off.
He has a south German accent, but itās a little softer for years of living in England - it gets stronger when he goes back home to Munich.
Is your oc more likely to follow instructions exactly, throw them out and figure it out on their own, or make it all up? What are the results like?
He follows instructions to the T, and doesnāt have the impulse to experiment and mess around with them for fear of making a mistake that heād then have to clean up; that being said, if it becomes a matter of fair treatment, he may be inclined to bend the rules here and there.
Is your oc afraid of touch or do they actively seek it out? Is there a reason for this? What are the exceptions?
lmaoooOOOOO heās petrified, whilst at the same time desperately craving it. Heās horrendously touch-starved, but his childhood lizard-brain learnt to associate touch with painful medical procedures, so he shies from it by nature.
How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?
Felix carries an awful lot of medical trauma with him; heās terrified of medical care, whilst simultaneously being something of a hypochondriac convinced heās got some sort of Terrible Disease at all times. to be fair, this is because he once had a Terrible Disease, which then led to a second and then a third Terrible Disease before the first could even be treated, so he does have form for it. He also canāt handle blood and has been known to pass out at the sight of it, but would rather do that and recover on the floor than go to hospital.
He will avoid hospitals At All Costs.
How competitive is your oc? Is every little task something that they can win, or are they just in competitions for the fun of it? Is there anyone theyāre most competitive with?
Heās sort of competitive accidentally - he doesnāt want to be, but he feels like he needs to be in order to succeed. He is desperate to prove himself, desperate to show his mother than he is more than capable of managing his own life, but he will run himself to exhaustion trying to get there. Heās happiest when heās left to do his own thing without feeling like heās competing against others, when heās content that heās appreciated by the people around him and is able to take that appreciation at face value, but he hasnāt come to that realisation in himself yet - he just thinks heās doing it wrong.
How skilled at lying is your oc? How frequently do they lie? For what reason? What situations would be the exception?
lmao he canāt lie to save his life itās actually kind of sad to watch. heās a Blusher, for one, so heās already tripped coming out of the gate, and then he starts falling over his own tongue the second heās asked a question he canāt give a truthful answer to until itās painfully obvious to everyone. itās just sad.
What is your ocās immune system like? Are they invincible to illness, or are they compromised completely from the slightest of dirt?
His immune system is terrible - a side-effect of his childhood. If thereās an illness going around, he will catch it.
Does your oc do anything ājust for the aestheticā? Or are they completely practical in everything?
Totally practical by habit, but perhaps heād be happier if he wasnāt. Heās not used to doing things just because he wants to, because heād enjoy the experience - there has to be a reason for it, else heās not justified in doing it. Same goes for purchasing things that he wants - if he canāt come up with a good, solid, practical reason to buy himself something, he wonāt buy it. āBecause you want toā is not reason enough.
If you had to choose a single object to act as a symbol for your oc, what would it be?
One of those candles that re-ignites itself when you blow it out.
If your oc could only eat one thing for the rest of their life (while miraculously not suffering from malnutrition), what would it be?
Heās got a massive sweet tooth and spends a lot of time baking, so probably cake - heās fond of little gay French patisserie nonsense.
How prepared is your oc? Ready for the worst no matter what, or completely lost in every situation? Would they have a medkit when it was needed? Would they have an umbrella if it rains?
As much as he panics, in a legitimate bad situation he is capable of keeping his head - he runs on adrenaline and suffers the consequences later. He carries a first-aid kit in his car, but has never needed to use it, and yes, he always has an umbrella.
How charitable is your oc? Or are they more stingy with their resources and money?
god. He is stingy, but not out of a miserly nature - he just legitimately does not have much money. He never has, ever since childhood, and that shit is ingrained in him - you watch what youāre spending, because you never know when youāre going to need to make an emergency payment.
If someone was describing your oc to someone who had never met them, what distinguishing features would they mention? How would one identify your oc in a crowd?
Short guy, kind of round-faced, round glasses - kinda looks like heās lost even when he isnāt. Jumps if you bump into him.
Does your oc have any pleasure that embarrasses them so they keep it secret? Or are they open about all the things they enjoy?
literally everything that he enjoys, heās embarrassed about. He likes old black-and-white movies and heās embarrassed about that. He reads shitty romcom fiction and heās embarrassed about that. He enjoys cooking, heās embarrassed about that. He actually enjoys sex, believe it or not, and heās embarrassed about it. Donāt even fuckin get him started on his kinks because heās embarrassed about them. tbh Felix doesnāt really know how to enjoy himself without guilt or shame, because he always feels like he needs to justify the things he likes and he doesnāt know how to do it. Heās just embarrassed.
What is your ocās stamina like? Would they be able to run a marathon, or not run at all? What about walking/another physical activity? How are they with exercise in general?
Shitty stamina - heās got weak lungs and the extent of his running ability is running for a bus and then needing literally four hours to recover. He sort of makes a vague attempt to exercise at home, but is easily discouraged and would just rather lie on the couch having a crisis of body-image.
How long can your oc stay focused on one task before they get bored? Do they constantly have to switch things up or do they hyperfocus? What sort of things is it the opposite for?
Felix is the king of repetitive, menial tasks. Set him in front of a diary or a spreadsheet and heās well away. He really doesnāt mind thoughtless admin labour, even as he insists that heās capable of handling more responsibility - and although he is more than capable, he also feels comforted by the predictability of data-entry. A nice mix of both would be ideal.
What smells bring back specific memories to your oc? What are those memories like?
Antiseptic and rubber floors, with that underlying stink of sickness. Theyāre not good memories.
How jumpy or easily spooked is your oc? Do they have a fight or flight reflex to being startled, or are they never startled at all?
Heās super-jumpy and easy to startle, which is delightful to some people. Between fight or flight, heāll fly.
How polite is your oc? Do they do everything with the utmost courtesy, or do they completely refuse to say please and thank you?
Heās unfailingly polite, because his mother would have beat him with a shoe if he wasnāt.
How flexible is your oc? Can they touch their toes or do they have trouble just sitting down because of how stiff they are?
He doesnāt think heās flexible at all, but certain intercurricular activities with Lyon suggest that heās more flexible than he thinks he is.
What is your ocās typical walking like? Do they speed-walk everywhere, do they take quick short steps or long paces? How loud are their footsteps?
Because his legs are kinda short, he walks pretty quickly just to be able to keep up with people - quiet steps, because heās trying not to draw attention to himself.
If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be?
Cleaning his glasses, putting them back on, squinting through them, then taking them off and cleaning them again ad infinitum.
What topics does your oc know the most about? Are these obvious or would these be surprising to others?
Heās a talented cook and has absorbed quite a lot about flavour profiles and all that shit that I know nothing about so Iām not going into details lmao. Heās also got a bank of knowledge about classic films that he keeps to himself, as heās never convinced anyone would be interested. Heās got a lot of shit that he keeps to himself for this same reason, and therefore thereās quite a lot he could surprise people with if the right topics came up.
What time of day is your oc most awake? What about most tired? Do they get up at the same time every morning without need of an alarm, or is their sleep schedule all over the place?
Tries to tell himself heās a morning-person. He isnāt. Left to his own devices heād wake up about 10 and fall asleep about 2am, but heāll insist if asked that heās naturally inclined to wake up early.
What would someone blackmail your oc with? Would they be successful in getting what they wanted?
theyād get hold of a list of his pornhub browsing history and yes, they would absolutely be successful.
How easily does your oc get attached to things? Does everything have a sentimental value to them, or do they see nothing as more valuable than its practical use? What about with people/animals?
He gets attached to people and animals very easily, but as for things - he gets angry when he breaks or loses items, but thatās more to do with being stressed about having to pay to replace them than anything sentimental. Heās thrifty to a fault and wonāt throw anything out until itās absolutely unusable, to the point that heās gotten pretty skilled at sewing repairs in order to avoid getting rid of clothes. He does have sentimental attachments to a few things, but not the majority.
How stubborn is your oc? Are they easily convinced of the opposite opinion, do they not agree but let it happen anyways? Or do they cause conflicts with their inability to budge in their decisions?
Heās not stubborn, as such, but he does know his own mind. He can be talked around or into things quite easily, but he does like to feel as though his voice has been heard.
How much has your oc traveled? Why is this? Would they like to travel more? Or are they perfectly fine with staying home?
Heād prefer to stay home - thereās too much room for error travelling abroad, and the risks donāt really outweigh the benefits for him. He travels back and forth between England and Germany, and he has visited France before as a boy, but thatās about it.
What signs tell that your oc is nervous? Do they fidget, is it in their expression or the way they say things? Or are they very skilled at hiding it?
He fiddles with his glasses and fidgets his hands around, and is also (as mentioned) a blusher - heās Not Subtle when heās nervous or flustered, which in turn makes it worse.
How superstitious your oc? Do they end up following them ājust in caseā? Or are superstitions incredibly important to your oc? What are some that they believe? What about the ones they donāt?
He says he isnāt superstitious, but Iām not certain thatās true - I think heās superstitious despite himself. He follows them, then gets annoyed with himself for following them and assures himself that he wonāt do it again, but then when it comes to it next time he follows them again anyway. He wonāt walk under ladders, wonāt open an umbrella indoors and he broke a mirror once and almost died. The only one he doesnāt believe is unlucky black cats, because heās never met a black cat that was unpleasant.
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if you sent any asks (recommendations for things donāt count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)
anon said:Ā The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think itās a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ā¤ļø
well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! iāll definitely be doing asks this way now though.
big dick kiri anon said:Ā !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE ššā¤ļøā¤ļø -bigdickkiri
Omg love! Please donāt worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax šā¤ļø- bigdickkiri
DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri
I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri
AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri
I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!
I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul
theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... itās okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D
BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD
GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU
@bread-theduckā said:Ā We love you and support you ā¤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~
I donāt really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though
anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! youāre more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.
I honestly canāt even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i donāt want to disappoint you guys D:
@saintbulletā said:Ā Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful ššš
I know I push myself a lot, and iām really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything
anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ā„ļø
It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!
anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!
my period is the worst, if she was a person iād block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!
anon said:Ā Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways
oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDNāT FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO
anon said:Ā I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this
iām pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!
anon said:Ā you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE š„ŗš„ŗšššššš
AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!
many a anons said:Ā Sorry I didnāt see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.
so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;
nooo I didnāt see the list Iām so sorry ššš
LOL ITS OKAYYYY. yāall were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldnāt even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(
anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb š„°š„°
I got my water right next to me rn bby :D
anon said:Ā be todorokiās girlfriend
bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???
@girl-with-a-mentalityā said:Ā You can be todoroni for Halloween.
....you right...
anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina
...send it
anon said:Ā GIRLLLLLL
ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)
local dumbass anon said:Ā local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?
uh.... I donāt know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?
anon said:Ā Your Monoma scenario was really good!If weāre being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol
okay... while youāre not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH
@awkward-theaterkidā said:Ā I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it š
as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO
šš„anon said:Ā URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -šš„
Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me š The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) š° This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -šš„
URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D
ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT
~ thank you to @didyoumeanmeā, @kittenlordofdarknessā, @soafersā for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~
anon said:Ā Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?
....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)
this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didnāt know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from aĀ āfriendā. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog wonāt discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so donāt worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabeyā, @flayvusā, &Ā @ultimate-shit-posterā thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)
anon said:Ā i hope youāre feeling okay today :((
I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. thereās nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)
@ikinabiā said: Your writing??? Actually god sent š„µš and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING
BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE
anon said:Ā fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that iāve seen your post i am intrigued haha
well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)
anon said:Ā You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.
iām doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)
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i dont technically hardcore ship kids buuuut i will sayĀ āfuck thats hecking cuteā to any and all pairings and join in on the fun wholesome content. for example, if you give me fanart, give me fics, give me headcanons, then im already sold on how adorable that specific pairing will be bc theres now some quality content to explore. as long as its not toxic, disgusting or impractical.
god okay, get motherfucking ready guys.
now, i may rant a bit on the matter to further explain my point of view on shipping in this comic and how i will go around it lol. sorry for the long note. thereās a tldr at the end.
honestly, idc who gets together, bc i just want the kids to be happy and if the pairing is happy together, thats all that matters to me. i just dont like taking shipping to the extreme, yknow. (which means having nsfw stuff for kidsĀ and flipping out if one ship is canon when another really should be. similar to many other fandoms who have those problems and i just.. dont get why?) anyways, thats not to say i will freak out if a cute pairing of mine becomes canon and especially if the rep is nice. and honestly? ill probably freak out for any canon ship as long as its healthy and theyre both happy - as ive mentioned. keep in mind im still a fan lmao, i will prob participate in the recurring ship talk and discourse bc ugh it can be so fucking cute.
anyways, regarding what we have now, i honestly like all pairings atm (obviously between the kids only and not some cursed ones ive heard about which i refuse to get into). all their interactions are so unique and cute and quite adorable. davejade is wholesome. johnrose is valid. i also like jaderose, daverose and johndave. which technically is almost every possible pairing lmfao. sometimes my opinion can vary, sometimes things could happen to make my view on that specific pairing to change. and sometimes new people come into the picture which allows me to explore more potential candidates that i think would be better for that characters rather than just having a ship to progress the plot further. if that makes sense. it always depends, doesnt it? (so keep in mind you can ask me if i ever have changed my opinion on a specific ship, character, ect in the future)
and of course, thereās a big difference between who i think are going to get together and who i wouldnt mind getting together despite canonical evidence that it wont happen. which i wont get into unless yall want me to talk about in depth who likes who and how it will probably impact the relationships of the characters vs how it should be.. well, not āfixedā, but what could be another alternative if a specific relationship seems to have its downfalls.Ā
however, i doubt thereās going to be anyĀ āendgameā ships bc homestuck is more prone to story telling than romance. itās a webcomic for plot and probable character growth rather than making peopleās ships come true. meaning shipping is a concept that andrew will give you, and he will give you all types of interaction so youāre free to ship what you want. however, heāll leave it open without giving us an ultimate pairing. which is where i think this comic will go. i may be wrong. but it seems the most likely situation.
so shipping is all fun and games but things happen, not everything becomes canon and even if i have theories on future relationships, i will only analyze what we were given and not necessarily based on non-canonical evidence. so as much as i like crackships (and boy do i have fun in crackships, lets be real), because this is a liveblog, i wont be able to get into depth with false claims on a ship if thereās literally nothing to go on. however, pls expect joke ships to happen. if i say cake #42 wants to be with johnās fake arms, so be it. that was a fun time on the discord, man. i love joking around but then again, they are just jokes. im not actually shipping them. its similar to how i view dave and AT. they got married duh. yet thats a joke. something i will bring up again, but that never means im serious about it. (besides imp soap opera. thats becoming massively real now, isnt it. a liveblog inside joke that got way out of hand and is now canon.)
anyways, romance is a nice bonus treat for everyone as they read a webcomic which is not centered around it. and of course ill analyse the possibilities of what we could get and how characters will go through it based on their personalities and past experiences, but i dont think itll become a main part of homestuck as of now. perhaps something.. could happen in the future? and ill keep my hopes of some pairings getting together. but, overall, i will be happy with whatever we get and i refuse to bitch about how some ship is better than the other and be mad at homestuck in its entirety. because andy here is not trying to portray a romcom, heās making an actual story.
wow, i kind of went off a little on what you were trying to ask in the first place, but i feel this was a nice place to get that out there and explain how ill perceive shipping in homestuck. all so i wont have to explain this for the future when characters potentially start getting together. which is to say, ill enjoy shipping characters on my hs experience, hell, ill even participate in it, but they are 13 and i have my limits.
cool. i feel like i just wrote a philosophy book.
tldr; shipping is a nice gateway in a fandom, i like pretty much anything as long as its not toxic and theyre happy together. expect character/relationship analyses in the future.Ā
#god this prob makes no sense#sorry for being illiterate#i went OFF#ask#hs56#hs56 ask#anon#im in a ranting mood ever since ive watched it chpt 2#made me monologue all day that i just need to get my thoughts out there
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