#ill add in more things as we go along + birthdays and everything

[grimalkinmessor]

The Tree, The Apple, The Seed Vague Timeline

As of the last chapter~

As of the start of the fic (Nov. 28, 2001) character ages are as follows:

L: 20

BB: 16

Mello: 8

Matt: 8

Near: 7

Naomi: 23

Matsuda: 22

Soichiro: 43

Aizawa: 29

Light: 11

Sayu: 8

Misa: 15

Mikami: 17

Takada: 13

Please do not reblog, I plan to update this as the fic goes along :3

[sophiethewitch1]

hey sophie! ive been listening to the www playlist a lot lately and was wondering if you could bust out ur playlist thesis? however much ur cool with sharing!! would love to hear your thoughts hehe. also, are there any bonus tracks we can listen to from the big og playlist?

i want you to know that for this entire post I was doing this

absolutely constantly. raving maniac mode. under the cut so i don't make everyone hate me for all the bullshit im about to spout and like some cough cough future hints. No actual spoilers but like... vibes and things that are obvious. Me telling you there will be yandere things in the yandere story, shock horror. These songs are the trailers/animatics in my head so uh. It's kind of hard to explain them without that (which is why I literally CAN NOT) for a couple of them lol. Oh!!!! And I've also got some other songs that really should've made the playlist but I just didn't add for some reason. Laziness or whatever. One's literally called birthday party. I uh. Don't think I need to explain that one.

But also I just like, whatever who cares if some of the songs on there aren't ones I 100% associate w what we want so here's the full playlist live your dreams. Most of them I associate at least a moderate bit. BUt under here is the fucking essay I've somehow written lmao I lost my mind somewhere along the way.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? By Bastille and Graham Coxon is first on the playlist for a reason. It's sort of like, similar to the rocking feeling of what being cramped on the subway was like to me? And it's a song that's pretty obvious with the lyric comparisons. The 'you' in the title IS you! What are you gonna do? You have us (Gotham, the world, the batfam) listening, so what are you gonna do with it? And it matches readers future response quite well I think. And it feels like something that a superhero would have in the background, which certainly helps.

Keep You Mine by NOTD and Shy Martin was actually just one of those songs you were listening to on loop at the time you were doing a thing, and then became intrinsically linked to that thing, but it still represent WWW quite well! It matches more so the later acts of the story, where you and the boys will have some issues staying together with eachother. But it's still poppy and romantic in tone!! Because you guys and your relationship, despite everything that'll happen, you want to keep each other y'know? And reader's like possessive and jealous in a cutesy way to offset how absolutely psycho bonkers the guys will end up being... But I also feel this too matches the superhero vibes? Somehow? The fight on of it... You must keep fighting, for each other!

Tinfoil Hat by Dolo Tonight is like,,, about the frustration of being a Gotham resident I suppose (or anyone living in late stage capitalism with a mental illness) but especially you! Since you totally fucking got ripped from one universe to another and um, i don't know if you've noticed this yet but... there seems to be some issues with readers idols??? Seeing as you love the waynes but hate the bats. Please duck under the comically large chekov's gun and come this way. Also because reader for a little bit does geniunely think she's crazy and need to go to the psychiatrist but obviously thinks that is the worst idea ever because the gotham mental health system is really just prison. and it's a prison with her nemesis. not the place to be.

Live, Learn, Die by Lavin is pretty obvious too, but in a much sadder tone. Reader as a character has at this point come to a conclusion that I'm sure many of us do in their lifetime (I know I have at least) which is that... things suck, and then you die. She doesn't want to die, but she doesn't really particularly actually want to live, she's just so damn focused on survival she's never actually even had the time to realise that. This other version of her who didn't have 24/7 adrenaline running in her body was obviously significantly worse off and seemed... off. If everyone you love is dead, is surviving for them even worth it anymore? She's still learning, so maybe she'll learn something different this time...?

Next song is a spoiler so skipping it <3! Lmfao interpret this however you'd like

Thelma + Louise By Bastille is a song about a scene that I am so damn eager to get to which unfortunately is in act fucking 3 which is my favourite but like. Suffering I am suffering :) Anyways I can't tell you too much about it because of but I will say that it's a road trip between you, Dick and Jason! It's very fun and absolutely no complex feelings are involved whatsoever. You meet Lucy the giant elephant (actual roadside attraction in new jersey lmfao). This song is Dick Grayson coded in like... mostly sunny vibes. Like the warmth the song gives, that's how you make him feel.

Temper Temper by LimeCordiale is a song that is about... you and Jason... and his poor poor habit of enabling you. 'Me and my girlfriend that I let do whatever she wants to me because shes hot' core. Bruce sees the two of you in the landing and gets immediate d10 psychic damage it's impressive. Anyways if anyone ever angers you (which I'm sure they never ever ever will :)) he's probably going to be there to back you up, because 'you know that that's what I like'. That video of you punching George is private time material frankly.

Next song is ALSO a spoiler which um. cough. 😳 let's not look too deep at this one actually folks

Werewolf By Quinn XCII. Ah yes, the yan in the yandere story. This one is ALSO about Jason but this is the most Jason coded song. I will say that this also features in the story at some point (you, Molly, Dick, Jason and some very poor suffering grunts). It's the lyrics. I've always said Jason is a loyal dog and I stand by it till the day I die. He also feels like a feral animal that constantly kind of wants to swallow you whole which is romantic I think <3 <4 But geniunely put that thing on a leash for the betterment of mankind. I mean you make them all feel like starving monsters Jason's the only one who has any self awareness unfortunately, which is why this is HIS song. Also because he'd be a werewolf, case close your honour. Dick'd be a vampire it's LITERALLY canon. WHat was I talking about

Ghosts by The 1975 got on here because I heard the first line and went 'hA!' because it really do just be 'You... You always seem to get what you want.' and also the "You seem to get better" is fuckin. IT'S SO GOOD MAN! That's EXACTLY what the guys are thinking when the next few chapters start coming around which. Really were supposed to be out by now whoopsie but yknow like. Anyways you ARE gonna start working on things!!! You're gonna talk to Molly!! You're gonna get more flowers!!!!! God damn it, you're gonna get what you want!!!!!!!!!!!!! (at least this first bit oop)

Next two are spoilers again, but this time you absolutely won't be able to guess because they're both animatic inside my own brain so take that! And I mean you REALLY won't be able to guess they're great scenes can't wait for you to see em. I can't wait either tbh why am I writing these stupid filler scenes lmao. why can't i skip to the end of my 200k enemies to lovers slowburn just to write the final chapter (did this to herself)

Together We're Screwed By Robotaki and Nevve is a song I've loved for ageeessssss bro because there is (to me at least) nothing more romantic than being a terrible horrible unredeemable person with the one you love. Hand in unlovable hand baby! That's like... the fic I guess, together the five of you are screwed. And it just matches that same earlier mentioned vibe of like... poppy kinda techno-y kinda superhero-y kinda loser-y. Listen to me, listen to me... This fic is about many things and I'll say it again and again and everytime it's true in a different way and this time it's true in this way. This fic is about being about being a loser and bad at everything and still managing to get what you want. Actually that might be what this fic is actually actually centrally about. 'We're both a mess, we just can't get it right. Together we're screwed. I'm looking at you, I'm looking at you~' like, be a mess!

And now we're at the exciting new

Birthday Party by AJR is like the equivalent of what would be a canon event for this au. Your birthday HAS to happen and it HAS to suck ass and all your family HAS to die on this day for some reason or another.. Some people told me when they had their birthday they thought of my fic and I was like damn bro who hurt you? /jk but really reader's birthday is kind of a reflection of... you know, everyone has at least one of those sucky as birthdays. And you've gotta paste on a brave face and pretend you don't want to cry and that it's all not too much and that for some reason you're disappointed and that the trudging march of time scares the shit out of you and that you haven't achieved anything this year and- You know? 'And that's just how it is.'

Okay I've run out of videos I can add but there are only two songs left so!! Ima finish this anyways.

Inertia by AJR is a song where again the lyrics speak for itself. Before you woke up in a slightly different world where everything was just slightly different, your life was stagnant. You were stuck, absolutely. Despite trying to break out of poverty, out of your circumstances, fortune simply wouldn't smile on you. And again, that other you seemed to reflect that stagnancy. She wasn't going anywhere either. In my head I see the two of you dancing like marionettes alone on your stages alone, unable to fight against the strings pulling at you. It's only till you start dancing with eachother, till the strings start tangling that you start getting any freedom. That you're able to start getting anywhere. Maybe being set off course was the best thing that could happen to both of you?

Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay is a song that both me and my mum love, and also one very fitting to the superhero theme! And it's how ALL the guys feel about you!! You're really just a civilian, you're not that important in the grand scheme of things... But why do you like them? It's for such stupid reasons. It's because of the way Damian reads romance novels and Jason never properly tapes his nuckles and Dick has a stupid bleeding heart so he keeps taking too many hours at the Bludhaven pet rescue and Tim always fucking sends you the new york wordle, connections, crossword and spelling bee first thing in the morning and then asks if you want any help when he knows you want to do it on your own and- Every single moment of you is done with such love and sincerity and heart and they can't help but fall in love again and again and again. 'I want something just like this' is a phrase they'll say to you and you'll say to them too.

[wawa-boonliang]

Flufftober Day Four: Cinderella Moment

Summary: a cliche school dance story based on my BNHA fanfic featuring Bakugou, Izuku, Hitoshi, and Shouto. Also Dadzawa and Papa Mic.

Izuku had always known that he was rather plain looking. For all that he thought his mother was the most beautiful woman in the world, he knew that his own looks were a bit unfortunate. That isn’t to say he thought he was hideous, he just liked to think of himself as realistic.

Add that to the fact that his mom wasn’t exactly in the position to buy him a new outfit for the dance that weekend, and he knew he wasn’t going to be standing out in a good way. People would probably notice him, yeah, but more for his reputation and the fact that he’d probably end up wearing his bright red sneakers because those were the only shoes he had that fit- a birthday gift from his mom.

“I’m thinking about wearing a mask,” Hitoshi’s rather odd non sequitur broke through Izuku’s spiraling thoughts.

Shouto on Izuku’s other side, frowned. “Is it a costume party?”

“Fuck no,” said Kacchan in the passenger seat of the car they were all in. Aizawa sensei was driving them home from school. Well, to his home. Izuku was spending the night because his mom was ill and didn’t want to get him sick. “And no, you’re not, Shitstain,” Kacchan growled. “Even if I have to dress you fucking monkeys myself, you’re not gonna make me look bad by being associated with you freaks.”

“Ok.” “Yes Mom”

Aizawa sighed from the driver’s seat. “You guys have a budget of one-fifty, you hear me? Nothing ridiculous. That’s one-fifty for everything, not one-fifty plus shoes and jewelry.”

“Do I look like someone who wears jewelry, old man?”

“Do I look like someone who wears shoes?”

Aizawa sighed again.

Izuku couldn’t help but feel a bit left out. He’d probably end up wearing his old suit that his mom had bought from a thrift store a few years ago for a formal event. It didn’t quite fit anymore, but he could probably get away with rolling up the sleeves and pretending the too-short pants were a fashion choice.

Probably.

The other boys were going to go shopping with Aizawa and Papa Mic the next day. By popular vote, they were going to the local mall. Izuku was going to try and invite himself along just to hang out. It was always fun being with his friends.

As they pulled up the drive, the front door of the house flew open. Out ran Mic. He was wearing his apron, and the front was stained all over with brown and black smudges. As he got closer, Izuku caught the faintest whiff of smoke.

“Heeeeeey, honey,” Mic laughed nervously once Dadzawa had rolled the windows down.

“Hizashi.” Aizawa was doing the dad-eyebrow thing.

“So,” Mic said slowly. “I might have done that thing you told me not to do.”

“Which thing.”

“The thing where I do things without my glasses on.”

“What did you do.”

“So you know how the oven works?”

“Yes, Hizashi, I know how the oven works.”

“So I accidentally turned the dial in the wrong direction.”

“How wrong.”

“...broil.”

“For how long.”

“...an hour.”

“Did anything get destroyed?”

“...just dinner….and the pan.”

Aizawa closed his eyes and leaned back before staring at the ceiling of the car for a long moment. “Get in.” He said, sounding world weary, though that was fairly normal for him. Kacchan unbuckled and launched himself over the seats, landing in the back row with Izuku, Hitoshi, and Shouto. Izuku grunted as Kacchan kneed him in the stomach, knowing it was probably half on purpose. Kacchan made himself comfortable on top of Hitoshi, throwing his legs across Shouto and Izuku’s laps. Mic shucked off his apron and slid into the vacated passenger seat.

“Ayyyy” Mic grinned. “Mall food lets go!”

“We can go shopping after since we’ll be there anyway, right?” Hitoshi asked, a bit muffled.

“I never said we were going to the mall.”

♡ღ‿ღ♡ ʕ•̫͡•ʕ*̫͡*ʕ•͓͡•ʔ-̫͡-ʕ•̫͡•ʔ*̫͡*ʔ-̫͡-ʔ ♡ღ‿ღ♡

They went to the mall.

Without even discussing it, everyone scattered to get their own food, Izuku sticking with Kacchan since he knew the other boy would likely pay for both of them without thinking, since he already knew their financial situation. After everyone grabbed their assortment of junk food and gathered at a table in the food court, Papa Mic cleared his throat to address the table.

“So, we all need to stick together,” he started.

“I never agreed to go shopping tonight.”

“But we can hit all the stores that we want to go to no problem!” Mic finished.

Aizawa glared at him, but didn’t protest again, turning to his bowl of ramen to drown his sorrows. Hitoshi and Kacchan exchanged a look that probably meant they were planning something, and Shouto happily slurped his soba without comment. Knowing Kacchan, they were probably planning on splitting up immediately.

“If you don’t stick with the group, you’re paying for yourself,” Aizawa snapped, though he didn’t really sound angry. Hitoshi stuck out his bottom lip.

“Bold of you to assume I couldn’t.”

“Can you?”

“No.”

After everyone had eaten, Mic lead the way to the nearest clothing store that he thought would have what they would need. “So, what looks are we going for?” Mic asked.

“I want to wear a sparkly dress,” Hitoshi declared.

“Okay,” Mic agreed easily.

Hitoshi froze, visibly not having expected that. “Wait. Really?”

Aizawa gave Hitoshi an appraising look. “Really. Do you actually want a dress, or are you being a turd?”

Hitoshi looked searchingly at Aizawa for a long moment. Then, he got a familiar stubborn look on his face that spelled out well now I have to.

“Yes,” Hitoshi said, crossing his arms. “The sparkliest dress. Men’s fashion is boring.”

“Can I wear something sparkly?” Shouto asked. “Not a dress. I don’t have the legs for it.”

Aizawa blinked slowly, then appraised Shouto as if trying to parse whether or not Shouto meant that literally or if he was messing with him, too. Izuku thought, knowing Shouto, he was being perfectly serious.

“Get whatever you want, lil listeners!”

“One. Fifty.”

“Me and Shitty Hair already agreed on what colors,” Kacchan said. “Red, all the way. With orange and black accents.”

“Awwww, Kacchan, you already have a date?” Hitoshi cooed.

“Obviously. As if you don’t.”

Hitoshi grinned, ears a little pink, and he scratched the back of his head. “Heh, yeah. Fumi and I decided to surprise each other.” Hitoshi winced. “Um. Hopefully he won't regret that.” Izuku held back a snort. Kacchan didn’t.

“Who are you going with, lil listener?” Mic asked Izuku. Izuku jumped a bit, not expected to be addressed.

“Oooh, uuuhh”

“With me,” Shouto answered for him. “I’m thinking white and green, what do you think, Izuku?”

Izuku felt his whole face turn red as he struggled to find his voice.

Did he think Shouto was objectively the most attractive person in class? Clearly. He wasn’t blind. Shouto had been on the covers of magazines before, for All Might’s sake. People in the streets did double takes when he walked past. He looked like a model.

Also he was kind. And smart. And funny in a very straightforward way. And honest. You always knew where you stood with Shouto.

Usually.

“W-we–I am?” Izuku asked, baffled.

Shouto nodded as if Izuku had agreed. Hitoshi was muffling laughter into his palm. Kacchan, though, Kacchan was looking at him with an odd look in his eyes. Not a negative one. Just odd. Like he was looking at Izuku and seeing something else. He looked like that, every now and then. Izuku never really knew why or what, though.

“Soft greens,” Kacchan declared. “Like mint.”

Shouto nodded solemnly, then turned to disappear into the racks. Hitoshi grabbed Kacchan’s arm. “Ok Mr. Fashionista. Help me find a dress. I’m talking ball gown.”

“You’ll be the prettiest princess there, Shitstain.”

A warm hand landed on Izuku’s shoulder. He looked up at Mic. “Do you want any help, Izuku?”

“Oh, uh, I didn’t bring my wallet.” Izuku flushed.

Aizawa, who had been scrolling on his phone, pretending to ignore them, heaved yet another sigh. “One. Fifty. Oh my god. How many times have I said it?”

“M-me too?” Izuku asked. “B-but”

“One. Fifty.”

“C’mon, Izuku,” Mic laughed. “Before he blows a gasket.”

♡ღ‿ღ♡ ʕ•̫͡•ʕ*̫͡*ʕ•͓͡•ʔ-̫͡-ʕ•̫͡•ʔ*̫͡*ʔ-̫͡-ʔ ♡ღ‿ღ♡

Shouto was happy with what he found. A white suit with a soft green shirt. No tie. He found them too restricting. He was debating whether to go with traditional black shoes or to be adventurous and try white or gray, when he heard Izuku emerge from the changing rooms with a typical stumble.

He turned.

He froze.

Izuku was wearing a soft-looking mint green tunic suit with white embroidery. It made his hair and eyes seem even more vibrant than ever. Izuku caught him looking and he shyly pulled on the hem of his sleeve.

“Awwww, kiddo that looks so good on you!” Papa Mic crowed. “I think that’s the one!”

“Y-you think so? Isn’t it a bit much?”

“It’s perfect.”

Izuku turned back to Shouto with wide eyes. Shouto swallowed and repeated. “It’s perfect.”

“Awww, you two look so handsome together.” Papa Mic cooed.

There was loud fumbling from the furthest changing room.

“No, Shitstain, your arm goes here! Goes here! No! There, now hold still.”

“Owch!”

“I said hold still!”

Papa Mic looked concerned. Dadzawa looked bored. “You boys ok in there?”

“No looking!”

“We’re okay, Papa!”

“It’s a fucking surprise.”

When they did emerge, for some reason from the same changing room, both of them were back in their regular clothes, though Hitoshi had a huge bundle of purple fabric in his arms, and Katsuki was holding the hanger of a tuxedo that was a brilliant, shining shade of red. It looked very sleek to Shouto’s untrained eye. “I need a bowtie,” Katsuki declared. “And then I’m done.”

“I need shoes,” Hitoshi declared. “Papa, hold this.” He shoved the bundle into Papa Mic’s arms, who took it and gently shook it out to get a better look. It was, in fact, very sparkly, with shimmering threads of silver twirling across the surface like flowering vines.

“See, babe,” Papa Mic dug an elbow into Dad’s side. “I told you it wouldn’t take that long. It’s not like shopping with Nem. They’re too boys to take that long.”

“That’s sexist.”

“I’m right and you know it.”

♡ღ‿ღ♡ ʕ•̫͡•ʕ*̫͡*ʕ•͓͡•ʔ-̫͡-ʕ•̫͡•ʔ*̫͡*ʔ-̫͡-ʔ ♡ღ‿ღ♡

Katsuki had lived this before. Before, he’d stood in the corner, forced to go by his mother, wearing a plain-ass black tux. He’d gone stag. Partly because he hadn’t asked anyone, mostly because people would have been too afraid to say yes had he asked. He’d done little besides drink punch and fuck around on his phone.

This time

“You look great, man,” Kirishima said, softly, offering his arm. Katsuki scoffed and hooked Eijiro’s arm around his before being the one to lead them onto the dance floor. People were already dancing like drunk squirrels, and Katsuki was determined to show them who’s boss.

“You look like someone else dressed you,” Katsuki offered a bit meanly, but Eijiro, as always, read between the lines and laughed. Eijiro was wearing a regular suit, not a tux like Katsuki, but the cut suited him well. It was a darker shade of red than what Katsuki was wearing, but the look of the two shades side by side was pleasing.

Eijiro was about to say something, when he cocked his head to look over Katsuki’s shoulder. “Bro.”

“What?” Katsuki turned around, then he rolled his eyes. “Fucking diva.”

It was his dumbass brother in his dumbass strapless floor-length satin tulle ball gown. Though, even Katsuki had to admit that he – Katsuki, not Shitstain – did a great job picking it out. The glittery violet fabric looked great on Shitstain’s complexion, and Papa did a good job on his hair and make-up. His hair wasn’t the usual gravity defying rats nest. It had been tamed, laying down in curls with the sides braided to meet in the back.

“HITOSHI”

Katsuki had to bite back a laugh. That Fucking Chicken was staring across the room to where Shitstain was descending down the stairs like a fucking princess, beak agape. Before, neither of them had ever been in a serious relationship – to his knowledge anyway. He didn’t think they’d even been friends.

He liked this better.

Hitoshi glided across the floor in his five-inch heels that were made of approximately three pounds of metal, plastic, and glitter. The grace was a result of days of practice walking in them up and down their hallway when he thought no one was paying attention. Well, even Katsuki had to admit it paid off when Tokoyami stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Y-you um your visage is uh er uh the starlight of your countenance h-has” For once, it seemed like the Chicken was lost for words. Hitoshi’s eyelashes dipped shyly as he peered through them at Tokoyami.

“You look handsome,” Hitoshi told him. “Even with how dark it is, you stand out.”

And it was true. Tokoyami was wearing a gray vintage style tailcoat with an overall steampunk vibe. Katsuki might not think he was handsome, but he did stand out.

Tokoyami drew himself up, inhaled deeply, and said. “You’re breathtaking. Even with all of the many lights decorating the room, you stand among them as the brightest.”

And then Katsuki had the great misfortune of seeing their first kiss.

He wasn’t at all pleased.

[diamond-coral]

Bargaining Chip

Hello! This is my first time posting on Tumblr ever:) I pulled this one-shot from a fic I posted on AO3 a few months ago but the plot is irrelavent and I changed it from first person to second as well as some details so it can be read as a stand alone. There’s some plot from the actual story but you really don’t need to know it at all.

There might be a few errors, especially because I changed the entire point of view and converted it to present tense from past tense so sorry:) 

Loki manages to get his hands on you and exchanges you and your body for his ticket to independence from the Avengers. Bucky gets to go first.

Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Characters included: Loki, and a little bit of Tony, Steve, and Thor

WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY!!! SMUT (NON-CON TOUCHING, FORCED ORAL SEX (m receiving), KNIFE THREATS, DARK! AVENGERS, BUCKY’S AN ASSHOLE IN THIS, DEGRADATION, BASICALLY FORCED PROSTITUTION) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

You awake in the passenger seat of your own car with only foggy memories of you and your partner before everything had gone dark. Your mission from the CIA...breaking and entering the motherfucking Avenger’s facility and managing to escape...you were so close. If it weren’t for him. In your haze, you look to see who could possibly have the audacity to be driving your car, and there sits Loki, the God of Mischief, who you had only scene on the news, driving one hand and inspecting something in his other.

“Good evening my lady. Sleep well?” he mocks without taking his eyes off the item in his hand which upon further inspection from you looks to be... a red leash?

What the hell?

“I do hope you like your outfit,” he continues. “I think I assembled quite the get up for you.”

Looking down, you let out a muffled scream that was cut off by a strip of duct tape. Your hands are bound in your lap, but that isn’t what horrifies you. It’s what’s underneath them. You take into account your bare legs, fully on display, with a black dress leaving little to the imagination. The top half is just as horrifying with it’s plunging neckline. Your legs end with a pair of strappy gold heels that ensures any chances of running away to be futile while your upper arms are adorned in golden bracelets accented with emeralds. Whether the emeralds were real or fake, you could care less. You have bigger problems to worry about.

“What the fuck?!”

Is what you try to say, but the gag only makes it come out as a mangled ball of muffled murmurs. Though the chuckle Loki lets out implies he understands your enraged speaking attempt.

“You, my dear, are going to be a bargaining chip. I heard about your little escapade at the Avenger’s facility last night. Impressive, I must say, but my brother and his little hero posse had been looking for you relentlessly after that. They are practically obsessed with catching the women that managed to break into their high security building.”

Loki takes a sharp turn into a parking garage, narrowly missing the wall. You squeal as your precious car runs over the curb.

“I forgot how much I hate mortal transportation devices. But Stark had to build this tower in the middle of New York to feed his ever-growing ego and now I’m the one that has to rely on a car to get me there,” he grumbles while pulling into a parking space. He takes a deep breath once the car is parked. “Now, I’m going to remove that gag out of your mouth, and if you scream, I will peel your skin off of your body in the slowest, most painful way imaginable. Understood?”

You nod frantically and he rips the tape off, extracting a whimper from your now stinging mouth. You open your mouth for him to take the wad of cloth out that was under the duct tape. As he extracts it, you snap your mouth shut in an attempt to bite him, but he’s quick to evade and grabs your jaw harshly.

“What did I say before?” he seethes. 

“You said not to scream. I didn’t scream. Now let go of my face.”

Loki roughly throughs your face to the side, letting go, and looks around the surroundings of the car, probably checking for any unwanted onlookers.

“Out of the car. Now,” he orders and you hastily oblige using your bound hands to open the door.

As you shut the door, you catch a glimpse of your own reflection and grimace. You look like a hooker. Aside from the skimpy outfit, your hair was pinned up and intertwined with gold strands. Your makeup is done as well. Sultry eye shadow and dark red lipstick.

“I didn’t know the God of Mischief was a makeup guru,” you jab.

He ignores you and harshly pushes you forward. “Walk.”

“Where’s my partner?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Loki replies. “She has other uses than the one I currently need you for.”

“And what use am I needed for?”

“I already told you. By the gods, you mortals are stupid. You are to be a bargaining chip, (Y/N).”

Your blood runs cold. “How do you know my name?” you ask.

“I know everything about you. Including your peculiar abilities.”

You stop dead in your tracks.

“Now, don’t worry,” he adds. “As amusing to me as it would be, I have no interest in enlightening the Avengers to your secret identity. As far as they will know, I am simply giving them the criminal that broke into their compound.”

“And what’s in it for you?” you ask as he guidesyou into an elevator.

After pushing a button, he goes to fix his dark green tie. “Clever girl now aren’t you?”

“Answer the question.”

“How about-no?” he muses and a soft ding resonates through the elevator.

The doors opened and, for a moment, you forget the predicament your in. Inside was the most beautiful penthouse you had ever seen. The opposite wall was made entirely out of glass allowing a view of the New York City night skyline. Everything little piece of furniture each looks as expensive as your car, but your focus becomes drawn to the minibar. The Avengers were all sitting there, laughing, and most were obviously drunk.

“Here James, try some of this,” Thor booms.

Bucky makes a face. “Why would I drink something from another planet meant for Gods?”

“Jeez Buck it’s the only thing that can get you and I drunk,” Steve slurs and claps Bucky on the shoulder. “It’s your birthday. Live it up a little.”

Bucky hesitates before grabbing the flask Thor offers him and throwing his head back, downing the flask in one go.

Loki seems to have enough of the party scene as he clears his throat to interrupt them.

“Gentlemen-”

Before Loki uttered another word all the Avengers clambered from their seats to grab their weapons, but their intoxicated state just makes it a comical sight. Captain America falls over in an attempt to reach for his shield below the table. Tony Stark’s iron man mask smacks him over the head as he fails to turn in time to catch it on his face. Sam Wilson chokes on his drink and falls backwards off his barstool in shock.

“I come bearing no ill tidings.” Loki spread his arms.

“Then why bother coming at all?” Thor growls, shifting his hammer to his right hand.

“I’ve come to make an offer.”

With that, Loki snatches your wrist and throws you towards him and the other men. You stumbled in you stilettos and let out a yelp as you land on the floor looking up at the 5 present Avengers: Thor, the Winter Soldier, Captain America, Iron Man, and the Falcon. They all look down on you with perplexed looks etched onto their faces.

“You guys have been so caught up and stressed about finding your security breaches that I was generous enough to do some finding myself,” Loki explains.

“And how do we know you didn’t just pluck some prostitute off the street?” Caps eyes rake up and down your body.

Loki scoffs. “Always the skeptic captain. Does this answer your question?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a flash-drive.

Tony snatches it from his hands. “Jarvis, what’s on this drive?” he asks, holding the drive up to a scanner in the glasses he’s wearing.

“It appears to be the files you have been collecting the 2 vigilantes you have been tracking and-.”

“Okay thanks J!” Tony interrupts quickly before Jarvis could spill any more information. He proceeds to storm up to your cowering and kneeling form that hadn’t dared move and harshly grabs your jaw.

Jesus, what was with these men and your poor, bruised jaw?

“Why would you possibly need this information?” he asks calmly, but his eyes are feral. He studies you and his brows furrow. Did he manage to piece it all together that you were the alleged vigilante they had been hunting? He lets go of your jaw and throws you back on the floor. “What business do you have looking for them?”

Looking for them? You let out a sigh of relief.

“None of your business,” you spit.

“Anyways,” Loki continues, and the drive suddenly disintegrated in Tony’s hand while reappearing in Loki’s. “I will happily hand over this seemingly important information along with the girl for you to do with her as you please, but…” He pauses. “Only if you stop tracking my current whereabouts.”

“And why would we do that, Loki? You’re dangerous,” Steve notes.

“I was dangerous,” Loki interjects. “I have been a good boy haven’t I? I would like to lead a normal life without you imbeciles tailing my every move. If I slip, Thor here will know within the second if I’m involved with anyone wrong doings, won’t you brother dear?”

Thor grunts at that statement.

“Besides, Stark’s satellite can track any magical energy if I use it. Which I won’t.”

“Fine. Now hand over the drive,” Tony snaps and holds his hand out.

After Loki drops the small gadget into Tony’s hand, he hauls you up and spins you around to face him.

His voice is quiet and low. “Be glad I didn’t tell them about my plans for you friend. It would be a shame if they found out about her abilities...and yours.”

He spins you back around to face the 5 men whose eyes were now raking up and down your body. “Easy on the eyes isn’t she?” Loki mentions, hands falling on your waist making you squirm. “You know, I almost considered keeping her for myself. Her exotic beauty is that of a pleasure maiden on Asgard.” Your struggles are invigorated at his implications. “Enjoy your whore.” And with that, he gives you one final shove before vanishing.

It’s silent for half a minute before one of the men speak up.

“Alright who wants to take her for a spin?” Tony asks, clapping his hands together. “I vote the birthday boy gets first dibs. Huh, Buckaroo?”

You blanch at the idea. Were they really going to go through with what Loki wanted? What happened to the valiant heroes you saw on your screen?

“Wait Tony, you can’t be seriously considering Loki’s suggestion?” Sam Wilson sounds surprised.

Tony shrugs. “Why not, Birdie? It’s either this or high security prison and I don’t think she wants to rot in a cell.”

“She is standing right here and would rather rot in hell than do what Loki had in mind,” you hiss.

“Well it’s a good thing we weren’t asking for her opinion,” Tony says.

“Tony’s right, Sam,” Steve adds slowly. “We bust our asses out there. We deserve something nice.”

“Day after day we save this pathetic world, and no thanks are given. Just everyone saying what we did wrong. We should’ve left the world to fend for itself after they tried shoving those ridiculous accords down our throats,” Thor murmurs

Sam raises both of his hands up in defense. “Fine. Do what you want with her. I’m gonna head out.” And with that he leaves. Your heart sinks, watching the only glimmer of hope, your knight in shining armor, walk out the door. Your self-pity party is cut short by an arm snaking around your waist.

Bucky Barnes, trained assassin, mass murderer, and now current Avenger, puts his face in the crook of your neck and inhales deeply, sending shivers down your spine while you stand frozen like a deer in headlights. “What do you say, doll? Wanna finish what we started the other night?” His hand on your waist slowly drifts down to your ass.

You stomp your heel down on his foot eliciting a groan of pain. “Last time I checked, you were in the dirt, and I was driving away that night after a successful robbery. There’s nothing to finish.”

He moves quickly as he rips your hair out of what’s securing it up, using the opportunity to tangle his hand into the roots and drag you away to a separate room. He wrenches open and throws you in, leaving you to stumble and trip. A searing pain on your forehead signaled that you hit your head.

“How about we use that snarky mouth of yours for something better hmm?” His voice is ice cold with malice as he grips your hair and yanks you up.

You cry out in pain, tears pooling in your eyes.

“Not so tough now, are you?” he sneers down at you. Hearing the sound of a belt unbuckling and pants unzipping, you shut your eyes.

A tear escapes, cascading down your face, but his thumb gently wipes it away.

“Open your eyes, doll,” he coos.

You shake your head and screw them shut even tighter.

“I said...OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!” he roars and your eyes fly open only to see his member sticking out of his slacks right in front of your face. He’s almost fully hard as precum dribbles out of the tip. “Good girl,” he praises. “Now, since you can’t seem to keep your snarky mouth shut, let’s put it to better use. How bout that?”

You don’t move, and he sighed as you look down to the floor. You hear some shuffling, a small click, and suddenly something cold and sharp is pressing under your chin, tilting your gaze to his steel blue eyes.

“Let’s try this again.” He pushes the knife harder, digging it a little deeper, but not enough to draw blood. A knife. This dirty bastard has a knife. “Suck. My. Cock.”

Pushing all your pride aside, you direct your gaze to the task in front of you. Bucky lets out an approving hum and the knife is removed from your throat. You swallow before opening your mouth and dragging your tongue from his base to the tip before wrapping your lips around him and sucking lightly.

Bucky was no slacker down there, you had to give him that. You ease your mouth down his shaft and his head tilts back.

“Oh fuck that’s it,” he moans. “Take my dick down your throat.” He grunts. His metal hand fists your hair to push your head down, sliding a few more inches into your throat. “Oh-that’s a good whore,” he breathes.

A gag is torn from you and you slap your hands against his thighs to imply you couldn’t take much more. Bucky’s only response is another grunt as he jams the rest of his length down your throat leaving your only intake of oxygen to come from your nose which was now mashed right above the base of his thick cock. As quickly as he pushed you down before, he pulls you back off by your hair, letting you go to wretch, gasping for air and freedom. A strand of saliva still connects from his tip to my lips.

“I’m not done with you yet.” He snags your hair again. “Open wide, slut.”

You do just that and he begins to fuck your throat at his own pace, sliding his entire length down every time. Tears brim at your eyes, not just from the lack of oxygen, but the humiliation of the moment as well. The time passes much too slowly for your liking, minutes dragging on for eternity, before he begins to reach his climax.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” His cock twitches in your mouth.He holds your head with both hands as he releases straight into your mouth, warm thick strands of his release coating the back of your throat. He pulls out  with a pop and smirks down at you. “Good little sluts swallow” he orders.

You glare up at him, making a show of not doing anything.

“Well?” he demands and raises a dark brow.

You spit his own climax onto his expensive shoes.

“Why you-!” He raises his hand, getting ready to send a smack to your face.

“Barnes!” A female voice comes from the doorway as the door flies open. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

There stood none other than the Black Widow.

[zinzinina]

Strokes

Pairing: Grand Admiral Thrawn x GN!Reader Length: 1k words Rating: Teen Warnings: Non-explicit sexual inferences

Happy Birthday, my beautiful @clanoffetts! Thank you for being you. Your friendship and talent are incredible gifts, so I hope this little drabble offers something in the way of reciprocation. I hope your day is filled with all the things that bring you joy! x

You run the tips of your fingers lightly over the edge of the painting. “This isn’t your usual style, Grand Admiral.”

And it isn’t. Shades of rose bruising into plum, darkening to grey at the edges. The vaguest outline of a woman’s nude figure, leaning against a balcony as she gazes outward into dawn, or dusk. It’s stormy, dreamlike and… entirely too romantic for his collection.

“No. But I would like to hear your impression all the same.” He stands beside you, one graceful hand resting lightly on your waist as you examine the piece.

You shiver at the closeness of his smooth voice and try to gather your thoughts. “Alright. My best guess is… Behpour, or nearby. Naboo maybe. Definitely the Chommell sector.” You glance sideways and his slight nod encourages you to continue. “It’s relatively modern. I’ll say… five hundred years? Or even less. The artist had some technical skill but the brushstrokes make me think they weren’t exactly a master. Classically-taught, probably, but out of practise.”

His lips are curving gently upward, deep crimson appraising your face with something like affection. “As usual, ch’eo visahot, you are correct. This piece is of some significance to the people of Naboo. It was created during the reign of Queen Immilla, shortly before the Great Time of Peace. Are you familiar with her story?”

You frown, shaking your head. You don’t like not knowing an answer to one of his questions. You want him to keep praising you; for him to recognise the thoroughness of your studies. As though he can sense your disappointment, his tone softens. “I would not expect you to know this. It is not common knowledge, even for those as studious as yourself.” His eyes glint warmly at you as he continues. “But I believe the story is one that will interest you.”

He gently lowers his fingers along the length of your arm until he cups your hand in his own, turning you to face the painting once more.

“Immilla was adored by her subjects, to which the songs and stories can attest. However, there was a scandal shortly into her second year of service and she simply… disappeared. Some accounts say she was assassinated by a political rival, others that she fell ill with a mysterious virus and the palace attempted to conceal the truth lest panic erupt among the general populace.” He sounds calm, as always, but for reasons you don’t understand, your heart has begun to race.

“What really happened?” you ask. His fingers are wrapped lightly around your wrist. He doesn’t need to feel the thrum of your pulse to know how his closeness affects you; you’re sure the heat radiating from your skin is visible even to human eyes.

“The truth is not known. Most of the accepted explanations are no more than mere speculation. But there is a crucial detail commonly omitted from record: one of the Queen’s handmaidens also disappeared.”

Your gaze returns to the curves in the painting, the outline of a rounded thigh, up to the gentle bunching of soft skin at the waist. You only know a little about the traditions and protocols of the royal house of Naboo. You’ve heard of the Royal Academy of Theed, where young people from respected houses are educated in everything from galactic legislation to traditional music in the hope they may earn a coveted position at the palace. 

He continues. “The handmaiden did not leave much behind. Some personal effects; a comb, a sleeping robe. Several pots of sketching pigments, brushes… and, it was rumoured, a painting; long thought to have been lost.”

You notice for the first time how elaborate the detail on the balcony’s railing is. It is not the focus of the painting; the eye is naturally drawn to the woman’s figure. But there is enough in the surroundings to suggest opulence. Tiny starflowers climbing one of the columns supporting the edges of the balcony. Polished, veined stones underfoot.

“They ran away together,” you murmur to yourself.

His hand leaves your own to carefully press a strand of hair from beside your face, arranging it behind your ear. His fingers linger on the edge of your jaw, and you shiver again.

“How did you get this? What are you going to do with it?” They’re stupid questions, and you don’t really expect him to answer. He has his own ways of producing the impossible, and most of the time his complex plans are invisible to you. But he answers anyway.

“It is a gift. It would have been the anniversary of your birth, if we were to account for equivalent planetary time. Or so I understand.” You blink. Of course he’d know this. It’s easily available in your enlistment file; the information isn’t even classified. You’re just surprised that he cared enough to check.

It’s extravagant, and impractical, and at first you think it’s a joke. “Thra- uh, sir. It’s… incredibly generous, but I don’t exactly have the space for art in my cabin. And I don’t know how I would explain its appearance to anybody who might ask.” And something this rare and precious would be wasted, probably damaged, shoved in the back of my storage locker, you silently add.

He nods once, his response coming as easily as though he hadn’t even needed to think about it. “Which is why I have already made the necessary arrangements to have the piece installed here, where it will be adequately preserved. You may visit whenever you wish, with or without me present.”

You look up sharply. He means you can visit to see the painting, whenever you want. But it sounds like the invitation is a little more open-ended than that. He’s giving you free access to his private stateroom… at any time. You no longer need to await his summons to see him, unsure anew every time he’d sent you a request whether it had been because he wanted your company or simply your body.

Unsticking your tongue from the roof of your mouth, you fight to keep your voice even. “Why did you choose this for me?”

He tilts his head curiously, red eyes on yours. When he speaks, his mild tone sounds as though he expected that you already knew this answer. “Because, vutucni. It is...” he pauses, searching for the correct words. “A love story.”

[high-functioning-lokipath]

The Servant - Loki x Reader - Words: 4,568

A/N: Sorry for the late posting today, I had some personal issues this morning so I haven't really been online. Hope you enjoy it! 💜💚

You were orphaned at a young age, never even knowing your parents. The only thing you did know about them was on your 1,000th birthday you would receive a gift from them. Something they had planned to give you even before you had been born.

Growing up was, of course, difficult but thankfully, by your 800th birthday, you'd climbed the social ladder enough to be accepted as a servant in the palace. Surprisingly enough, after almost 50 years of working there, you still had not met the royal family. You chalked it up to working mostly night shifts and didn't give it much thought.

On the morning of your 850th birthday, having had the previous night off, you had planned on sleeping in some and then making the most of your day. However, you were quite rudely woken by 2 young maids, who you were somewhat friends with, rushing into your bedroom.

"Y/N!" They exclaimed. "Get up quickly! The queen has requested to speak with you!" You blinked a few times, not believing what they'd said.

"Did I get full last night and forget about it?" You muttered. They pulled you out of bed and selected your best dress from your closet. "What does she want to see me for?" You asked as they helped you dress. Suddenly you were feeling quite nervous and very sick to your stomach.

"We can't tell you," The one girl, Alexandria, said. "But I promise you it's all good things. You'll be very happy!" The other girl, Hildegard, didn't say anything but smiled knowingly.

Before you knew it, you were being shoved through a set of doors and staring at a table full of the most delicious breakfast foods you had seen. "Good morning," A voice greeted. You looked up at the speaker and realized Queen Frigga had been sitting at the table all along.

"Oh! My queen!" You gasped, curtsying quickly. "My apologies! I didn't-"

"Do not fret, Y/N," She smiled kindly. "Please, sit with me and eat. I'm sure you're hungry."

"I-" You paused, smiling gratefully. "I am actually. Thank you." You sat down and served yourself a small amount, not wanting to appear greedy. The Queen was surprisingly easy to talk to, asking about how various things in the palace were doing while in turn she allowed you to ask different questions about palace life. You found yourself smiling and laughing with her as you both ate.

"Do you know why I called you here this morning?" She asked.

"Not the foggiest," You admitted, shaking your head. "This is quite nice, of course, but I am a bit curious."

"Today is your 850th birthday, is it not?" You nodded quickly. The Queen took a sip from her glass, before continuing. "One of my sons is in need of a new servant. The previous one just got married to a young man from Alfheim."

"How nice for her," You smiled. Your brain, however, caught up with what Frigga was implying. "Wait. You mean you want me to be a servant to the princes?"

"Not the princes, dear girl. A personal servant to one. They each have a personal servant to care for their daily needs. You are not only qualified in skill and ability, but also in age. We never assign maids that are too young to the princes. They can be," She paused, chuckling quietly. "They can be a lot to handle. However, I think you will be just fine." You were speechless, staring at the Queen in shock.

"I-yes! Of course, your majesty. I would be honored."

I have not told you which prince you will be working for," She said, raising an eyebrow in mild surprise at your immediate acceptance.

"Does it matter?" You asked. "It is an honor no matter to be working for your family directly." Frigga nodded approvingly and smiled.

"Then you will not care when I say the position is working for my son Loki?"

"My Queen, as I said before, it would be an honor. I have never heard any ill spoken of you or your sons. So why should I care who I am to be serving?"

"Your attitude and innocence will either lead to your success or your quick demise. I wish you all the best. Now come, I will show you to your new quarters."

You and Loki became fast friends. He treated you more as a peer than as a servant, especially since you came to find out the two of you were the same age. You were surprised at how easygoing the young prince was. Working directly with the royal family, you did start to hear palace gossip about them and you were disheartened to find most of it was about Loki.

One day, when you'd finished with the daily chores you had in Loki's room, which was more like an apartment, Loki walked in and flopped down on the freshly made bed.

"Loki!" You screeched. "I just made that!" You ran over, trying to stretch the quilt where he was not laying at least. Loki smirked at you and your eyes widened. "No, no, no! Loki! I know that look! What are you up to-eeee!" You squealed as he pulled you onto the bed, officially messing up all the sheets. You both laid there for a while, laughing and simply enjoying each other's company. "Why are you back so early?" You finally ask.

"Thor was feeling sick today and-" He paused, looking away sadly. "The others had better things to do."

"They didn't want to fight with you?" You asked. He shook his head and you scoffed. "You are a far better warrior than all of them combined. They should consider it an honor to fight you."

"Y/N, love, you are too kind. But-" He was interrupted by someone opening the door.

"Prince Loki, your mother requests your presence," A young girl said. One of Frigga's maids you recognized.

"Of course," He sighed. "My apologies for messing up the bed," He said, turning back to you.

"It's alright, Lo-Prince Loki," You replied. It was sometimes difficult to remember to add the honorifics on his name after becoming such close friends. But the girl was watching and you didn't want to appear disrespectful.

It took about 2 weeks for you to finally figure out what was going on. Ever since that day in Loki's room, the other servants, with the exception of your friends Alexandria and Hildegard, had avoided you like the plague. But today it all came out. You were in the laundry about to fold the clothes Loki had asked you to wash when you heard two maids talking a few tables away. One was Frigga's maid and they were obviously unaware of your presence in the room.

"They were in bed together!" She whispered scandalously.

"No!" The other gasped. "Tell me more!"

"The sheets were quite a mess. You could tell there had been quite a bit of," She paused briefly, smirking. "Activity." The two of them laughed quietly. "And that isn't even the worst! She almost called him by his name without a title! And he even called her ‘love’!"

"Oh my!" The girl gasped. "I suppose it makes sense. She is Prince Loki's personal servant. And I suppose she should serve him personally," She winked. "Although I do not understand why he would be interested in a thing like her?"

"A whore does not have to be pretty to be talented," Frigga's maid replied. The other girl hummed in agreement.

Hot tears fell down your cheeks. You bit back a sob and hurriedly gathered Loki's clothes in a basket. You ran out of the room and straight to Loki's quarters. As much as you wanted to hide away you had to finish your chores but you couldn't stay there. When you reached his room you placed the basket on the bed as it was the best spot to use like a table. Looking at the bed though, you burst into tears, falling to your knees beside the bed.

"Norns! I've never wanted to stab someone so much!" Loki yelled, bursting into the room. You gasped, standing up quickly, trying to dry your tears.

"What happened?" You asked, turning away from him so he couldn't see your face and trying to keep your voice even.

"Odin! Blasted Odin! He dared to imply that-argh! That man, he dares to call himself a king much less a father-" Loki yelled. He was so angry he couldn't even finish a sentence. You patiently listened, trying to finish folding his clothes.

"What did he say?" You asked quietly.

"He implied things," Loki said vaguely. "About my behavior."

"Has he not done so before?" You asked, slightly confused as to what made him so upset today. Loki shook his head.

"Not like this. He-" Loki winced slightly, hesitant to explain. "He wasn't just talking about me in this instance."

"Ah," You said. "So who's honor has you so upset? Lady Sif's perhaps?"

"Why would I be upset over her?" He exclaimed, finally looking up at you. Rushing over to you he grabbed your hands, pulling you closer to him. "Darling! What happened? Why are you crying?" You pulled away quickly, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"Please don't call me that!" You cried. "I-I'm sorry, Lo-Prince Loki. I am not feeling too well. Could I be excused to my quarters? I will send someone to finish with your laundry." Loki nodded slowly, very confused, and you ran off.

As you ran down the hallway, you collided with someone and you both fell down. "Y/N! Where's the fire?" Alexandria laughed as she got up. She reached to help you and saw your tears. "Who hurt you?" She asked.

"I'm just not feeling well," You lied.

"That is a pitiful excuse. What is wrong?" She ordered. As you walked to your room with her, you explained everything. "Oh honey! I'm so sorry that happened! You stay here. I'll send Hildegard to bring you some food and I'll go take care of Loki's laundry. Ok?" You nodded sadly and laid down as Alexandria hurried out. A few hours later, after you forced down part of the dinner Hildegard had brought you, there was a light knock at your door.

"Come in," You said, voice hoarse from crying. Slowly your door opened and a raven-haired man peeked in.

"Y/N?" Loki said, stepping in carefully. "How are you doing?" You wanted to scream at him for coming. You wanted to tell him to leave. But you were tired.

"Sadly, I am alive." Loki chuckled lightly and sat on the edge of your bed.

"For that I am very much glad," He smiled, resting a hand on your arm. "Alexandria told me what happened." You stiffened at his comment, every worst possible scenario rushing through your mind. "That's actually what Odin was speaking of earlier. He said that I was of age now and, well, he said there would be no consequences if I chose to find, how did he put it? Comfort? In one of my maids?"

"I see," You said slowly. "That-that makes sense," You continued, sitting up in bed, hands in your lap. "After all you are the prince and you have more important things to worry about than where to sate your needs." You looked away, nervous at what his reaction would be. You would be lying if you said you didn't want to be with him. But you definitely didn't want to be an object. Something he simply used and then ignored when it was no longer needed.

"Oh my dear friend," Loki sighed. "Do you truly think so little of yourself? Why do you think I was so upset earlier? After my meeting with Odin?" He brushed the stray strands of hair out of her face, ones that had fallen out of place while she slept. Turning her head towards him he smiled at her, eyes brimming with tears. "You are far too precious to be treated like that. I would never want to treat anyone so,” He crinkled his nose, searching for the right word. “So insignificant.”

"I appreciate that, Loki," You replied, blushing slightly. "But that doesn't change what they think. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault. Perhaps I should go away. At least I wouldn't hear any of the rumors they have to tell."

"No! Please don't go!" He immediately said, reaching out to hold onto you as if you'd take off right then. Running one hand through his hair he sighed. "Perhaps this isn't a good time to tell you."

"Tell me what?" You asked, reaching out to touch his hand but hesitated slightly, nervous as to how he would react. Loki stared at you, watching your movement. He took you hand in his and chuckled dryly.

"I care for you deeply, Y/N. You're my closest friend but," He paused. "But I wish for more. I love you. Very much. If you don't feel the same way I understand. If you want a transfer or want to leave I can have that arra-"

"No!" You yelled, interrupting him. "No! I don't want to go! I-" You gasped. "I love you too!" You laughed happily. "I just never thought you'd feel the same way!" Loki grinned, hugging you tightly.

"I promise to love you till the end of time," He whispered. Stroking your tear-stained cheek gently with his thumb he smiled sadly. "I know things will not be easy for you with the other servants. And I will try my best to make things right. But please come to me, darling. I never want to see you suffering alone."

"Okay," You said, smiling gratefully. He leaned forward and kissed you softly, chastely.

"If I am going to court you, we're going to do this right," He said. "I shall speak with the Allfather and Allmother today."

To your great happiness, they allowed Loki to court you. However, to your surprise, they never agreed when he asked to marry you. 1 year turned into 10. 10 into 100. Soon you had found yourself having courted Loki for over 200 years. They had gone by in the blink of an eye it seemed and, though you both wished to marry, you were happy as long as you were by each other's side. Loki had asked for your hand so many times that Frigga and Odin began to answer him before he even asked. He never stopped asking though.

One day, as you neared your 1,000th birthday, you woke in the middle of the night to a loud clatter in the hallway followed by a curse. You giggled, recognizing Loki's voice, and ran to open the door.

"Loki!" You whisper-yelled. "What are you doing? It's 3am!"

"Y/N!" He exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I simply knocked over a-"

"Loki, it's ok," You chuckled. However, you noticed he was unusually quiet and wouldn't look at you. "Loki? Is something wrong?" He slowly looked at you, a cool expression taking over his face.

"I was leaving you a note on the door. You'll have a new assignment in the morning."

"Oh! Loki! Did they finally say yes?" You asked excitedly, running towards him. He quickly backed away from you, shaking his head vigorously.

"No," He said. "I-I think it best we don't see each other any more. Therefore I asked for a change in your assignment."

"I don't believe you," You replied. Loki's expression contorted into one of anger.

"If you don't believe me then go read the note I left you! After all this time you don't even trust me?" He yelled.

"Loki!" You hissed, grabbing his arm before he could back away. "I trust you with my life. Don't make this into that argument. We've been over it already. I meant I don't believe what you're saying. I don't think you truly wish our relationship to end. I think someone or something has gotten to you or threatened you and I think you're trying to 'make it easier on me' by making me hate you before you go. Well guess what? It's not going to work. We promised each other to be in love till the end of time and I, for one, am keeping my end of the bargain so if you don't get in here, sit down, and explain to me what's going on I'll go to Frigga myself and ask her."

"Okay," Loki agreed, suddenly looking tired and defeated. Following you into your room he sat on the edge of your bed, fidgeting with his hands. "Your birthday is coming up," He said.

"Yes, it is," You replied, sitting next to him. "What does that matter?"

"Recently, my mother told me that your parents left you a gift for your 1,000th birthday." You nodded, wondering where he was going with this. "I am," He paused. "Familiar with a custom of certain families, usually ones of higher ranking, that they give their daughters a husband on her 1,000ths birthday. And-" He took a shaky breath, looking away. "I fear that is why we've never been allowed to marry. I think Mother knows what your gift is."

"Oh," You said. "I-I never thought of that. I never dreamt-" You started to cry, suddenly afraid of being taken away from the love of your life. Loki pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead softly. No more words were exchanged. Loki and you eventually fell asleep reclined on your bed, you cradled protectively in his arms.

The day finally came. You were 1,000 years old by Asgardian terms and you were terrified. One of Odin's servants came to you with a request for your presence at breakfast and an excuse from all your duties that day. You bit your lip nervously. Not having to work today meant you had no real excuse to see Loki before breakfast. You hoped he would be there at least.

"Good morning, Y/N," Frigga smiled as you walked into the dining room. You curtsied and forced a smile back.

"Your highness," You greeted. Odin walked in the room and nodded at you before taking his seat at the head of the table. You curtsied again and then heard Thor coming in with his usual ruckus. Turning around you saw Thor physically dragging Loki into the dining room. The latter quickly walked in on his own when he saw you already there.

"Y/N!" Loki exclaimed, running up to you and hugging you tightly. You giggled and hugged him back. Odin cleared his throat pointedly and the two of you quickly pulled away. Frigga shot her husband a glare and then smiled softly at you and Loki. You all sat down, you and Frigga on one side, the two Odinsons on the other side, and Odin at the head, while the servants brought out the food. You tried to help them but Frigga tapped your arm and motioned for you to sit.

"You're a guest today, my dear girl," She said. You nodded, feeling awful for not helping. Eventually, the meal was finished, though you ate very little, and Odin stood up.

"Today is a special day," He boomed, smiling at you. "I will skip over a long and flowery speech since I care for those very little and I'm sure you are anxiously awaiting your gift." You looked away, a bit embarrassed that it was so obvious. "Do not be upset," He chuckled. "There is nothing wrong with your excitement." You looked up at him again and smiled slightly. Loki was right all these years, it was odd to see Odin happy. Somehow his cheerful attitude doubled your nerves.

"Are you ok, brother?" Thor whispered to Loki on the other side of the table.

"I'll be fine," Loki snapped. He shot an apologetic look at Thor and nodded. "Just worried," He added. Thor nodded and patted his brother's shoulder firmly.

"This paper, a letter," Odin said. "Was written to you, Y/N, by your parents shortly after your birth. As you can see, it is sealed with my seal and has not been opened. I, myself, as well as the Queen were present at it's writing." He broke open the seal and started reading.

"Our dearest Y/N, our love, our daughter,

You may not get to see it until much later, but to us, your parents, your eyes hold a bright future. You've yet to say a single word but you've got us wrapped around your little finger. We can't wait to see what a beautiful woman you'll become. We have lain a path for you before birth and now that you're here, it is time to take your first steps in this new and exciting world. No matter what, you will always have our love and support whenever your life shall lead you. Whether we're far or near, we will always be there with you, every step of the way.

As we said, we have something planned for you. Something that will allow you to fulfill your greatest dreams and something that we hope will give you all the happiness in the world.

Many moons ago, your father saved a man's life in battle. The man promised to repay that debt. It was agreed that our families would be joined by the future marriage of our children. The man later had a son, and we, of course, had you."

At this point, hot tears were streaming down your face. As happy as you were to hear how much your parents cared for you. You now knew Loki's fears were correct. This was why you'd never been allowed to marry him. Each word suddenly became as a stab to your heart. Loki, for his part, was not faring any better as he listened.

"That man was our wonderful King, Odin. We hope you, our lovely Y/N, find all the joys you could ever hope for in your marriage to his son.

We want you to know how much we love you and we wish you all the happiness possible as long as you live.

Your parents ~"

Loki's chair screeched as he stood abruptly. Your head snapped up to look at him but he was already storming through the dining room doors.

"Father?" Thor said uneasily, looking quickly between Odin, you and the door through which Loki had left. "What's the meaning of this?"

"Well, my son," Odin said with a wide smile. "It means that Y/N has been promised to-"

"No!" You exclaimed, standing up. "Thor," You said, looking at him. "I love you like a brother. You'll be a fine husband one day but I'd rather die before I marry you." Turning to Odin you saw a frown painting his face. "Throw me in the dungeons, kill me, whatever you wish, but I will not marry Thor. I love Loki and I could never hurt him in such a way."

"My child-" Odin started to say but you ignored him, running out of the room. "Guard!" Odin yelled, calling for one to go after you.

"Husband," Frigga said softly. "Let her be for now. Perhaps there can be a solution." Odin reluctantly agreed and Frigga sat beside him to reason with him. Thor quietly slipped out, feeling rather awkward.

He wandered out to a secluded part of the gardens, a spot he knew Loki loved to hide in. He smiled sadly when he found you curled up in Loki's arms at the base of a willow tree. "I won't do it," You sobbed, gripping his shirt tightly as you cried into it.

"You have to," Loki said, running his hands soothingly over your back. Although his was just as upset, he was trying to be strong for you. "It's been decided," He whispered. "At least you'll be safe and cared for. Thor may be my oaf of a brother but he'll treat you well."

"No I won't," Thor said walking up. "Well, not that I would-" He sighed frustratedly. "I mean that I won't take her." Loki looked up at his brother in surprise.

"Brother, what-"

"Loki," Thor said, sitting down beside his brother. "She refused me already," He chuckled. "Father was not happy but I believe Mother is trying to change his mind." He clapped Loki's shoulder and smiled. "She's yours. I would never dare take that away from you." The three of you sat in silence for some time before Frigga came and found you.

"My children, please come back to the dining hall. I have spoken with Odin and we've made a decision." Reluctantly you followed Frigga, holding tightly to Loki's hand.

As you walked into the dining room, Odin stood up and smiled at you. It was a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Y/N, you have refused to marry Thor, correct?" You nodded immediately. "And Thor, you have refused to marry Y/N?"

"I cannot take her away from my brother, from their happiness." Odin nodded thoughtfully.

"Well then, here is my decision," Odin said. Frigga cleared her throat pointedly, shooting him another glare. "Our decision," He corrected. "This letter was written a few months after you were born, Y/N. Although we'd made the agreement before your birth, it did not go into effect until it was written." He sighed loudly and looked back at the paper. "And by this time Loki was already in our lives." Loki looked at you hopefully, squeezing your hand lightly. "And the letter does not specify which son you are promised to. So it is my great pleasure," He said somewhat sarcastically. "To give you to my son Loki as a bride. Will that be acceptable?"

"Yes!" You exclaimed. "Yes! Oh thank you!" You were nearly screaming in excitement. Loki was frozen in surprise, having never expected his father to give in to their wishes.

"Really?" He asked in almost a whisper. Frigga nodded at him and hugged her son. "Thank you!" He said. Turning to you he smiled widely, hugging you tightly and spinning you around. You laughed as he spun you, happy beyond your wildest dreams.

"Oh Loki!" You cried as he put you down. "I love you so much!" He grinned, kissing you earnestly.

"I love you too, my queen," He smiled. You blushed brightly, looking away.

"Enjoy your day together," Frigga said. "Tomorrow we can make the announcement and start making plans." You both nodded and hurried off to the gardens again, this time much happier.

"And to think all this started because your previous servant got married suddenly," You mused as you walked through the gardens arm in arm.

"Oh it wasn't sudden at all," He said. You stopped in your tracks, staring at him in surprise. "We'd been planning for her departure for some time. I had seen you working and quite liked you but you weren't old enough to be a servant of the royal family yet." Your eyes widened with every word. "I made mother wait to find me a replacement until you had your birthday."

"You chose me?" You gasped. He smiled, turning to face you and brushing a few stray hairs away from your face.

"I will always choose you," He said, smiling widely. "For all time."

"Always."

Loki

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[animesmutfest]

Satoru x Kakashi x reader

Firstly i just want to thank you all for your support, I genuinely had no idea this would blow up and was just posting the stories to post them but i am so grateful to have you guys as an audience. This smut was harder to make but with some inspiration from my husband and some manga, i think it'll turn out pretty spicy. So without anymore delays welcome to my 100k smut special. Hope you all enjoy but be nice lol it's the first threesome I've written about

You stared at the calendar longer than needed, you knew your eyes were correct. Today was a very special day for more than one reason and you could barely contain your happiness. Not only is it your birthday but it's the day that they come home. They both parted ways about two months ago for work and were able to get some time with you for a while starting today. You missed them so much it hurt, their touch, their voices, their kisses, just everything. You craved them more than anything in this world. Peeling your eyes from the calendar you head out to the store and picked up wine and ingredients for dinner. On your way home you stopped by a friends house to let them know you would not be available for a while and without pressing you for details she understood that you'd be tied up... hopefully literally. Once your home your phone rings and its Satoru. "Hey baby" you answer excited. "Hey princess~ i just wanted to let you know I'm waiting for Kakashi now and then we will be on our way. I'm thinking maybe 3 hours" he says in a very giddy voice. "Okay love i cant wait to see you two, get here safely" you reply. "yes maaam~" he says before hanging up.

You spent the time doing your hair, makeup and making dinner just how the likes it. They should be home within the hour and you have never been more ready to throw yourself on someone so badly. Meanwhile in the car with your loves. "You think she'd like these or these?" Kakashi asks Satoru holding up two bouquets of roses, one red and the other pink. "I'd say red considering the occasion" he reply's smirking. "Buuuuut lets just get both to be safe" he adds. "Good thinking" they go to check out and talk on the way to the house to catch up on lost time before the needed to talk about the facts. "You know this is he first time right?" Satoru asks staring out the car window into the sky through his shades. "What do you mean?" Kakashi asks. "She's never had both of us at once" he says smirking. A light blush appears on Kakashis face under his mask as he realizes he's right. They had always had alternate schedules so they each had their time with her but this is a first. To be home at the same time after being away for so long. How exciting. "We have to be extra careful with her tonight. And the next day, and maybe the next day~" Satoru says biting his lip a bit. "Understood, I'm sure we know how to make this experience as perfect as can be for our queen" Kakashi says smiling through his mask. They spent the rest of the car ride planning out everything as best as they could.

You hear them pull into the driveway and your heart begins to race as your legs moved on their own towards the door. You swing the door open before either of them could touch it and pulled them both into a deep hug. "We missed you too baby" they say to you. Satoru leans down and kisses you tenderly before Kaakshi follows right after caressing your soft skin. "Happy birthday love" Kakashi adds and they both extend their arms giving you the roses. "Their beautiful... thank you so much" you say smelling them while they fully enter the house and lock the door. "Oooh~ something smells good" Satoru coos as he walks to the dinning room. "Oh right! I made you guys dinner. Its been a while since I've been able to cook for either of you." You say as you set the flowers in a large vase before preparing to set the table. "I definitely miss your cooking... among other things" Kakashi says as he walks to the room with his bags. You blush and quickly turn around so they cant see your face. "Go get cleaned up, ill get the table set" you say. Both smiling they do as you requested. By the time you had pour their drinks they were walking towards the table. Both wearing lose sweats and t shirts as they sit down. You couldn't help but look down as they walked and you gulped at the sight. We all know about the prints and they were no exception. The guys give each other a looked in acknowledgment of your eyes wandering and shared a chuckle. You sat at the table  and talked with them as they ate their dinner. "Anything you wanna do after we're done?" kakashi asks. "I'm just going with the flow today, i really don't have anything planned in particular" you say taking a sip of your wine. When you look up you see both of them staring at you smiling. It was so terrifying yet you found yourself pressing your legs together. "Are you down for anything?" Satoru asks leaning back in his chair. You slowly nod looking down at your glass when you hear their chairs move at the same time. Your head shoots up to see them walking towards you. "W-what's going on?" You ask nervously. "Do you trust us?" Satoru asks. "With my life" you reply. Before you could ask more questions Kakashi throws you over his should and walks to "The Room" this rooms layout consisted of a large comfy couch, projector screen and a Alaskan king size bed built into the floor. He puts you down once inside and immediately grabs your neck pulling you into a heated kiss. Satoru walking over to the closet and grabbing the black box. While you were preoccupied he takes out your blindfold and covers your eyes. "You remember your safe word right baby?" Satoru asks as he rips open your shirt and bra. "Mmph y-yes" you reply only to receive a harsh slap on your ass from Kakashi. "Yes what?" He asks in a low voice. "Y-yes daddy" you correct yourself. "Good girl" he praises before turning you around to face Satoru and kissing your neck softly. Satoru begins to slowly take off your pants, tossing them aside once completely off. Your breathing become heavy as you feels their hands roam all over your body. Satoru runs his hands up along your waist until they reach your breasts. Without hesitation he takes one into his mouth, gently sucking on it as you run your finger through his soft hair.

You felt Satoru smirk against your skin as he nips on your nipple and pinch the other. You lean your head back on Kakashis shoulder while he leaves deep and dark marks all over your neck. "Are you going to be a good girl for us tonight?" Satoru asks after popping your nipple out his mouth. "Yes daddy" you say feeling his gorgeous eyes stare into you. He lightly chuckles before getting on his knees again and throwing your leg over his shoulder. You jump a bit as you feel his fingers rub your pussy slowly. "mm your soaking wet down here love~" he says before sliding a finger inside you. You let out a soft moan as your body tenses us and Kakashis hands move to your breasts squeezing them. "Oh yeah? What has you so worked up baby girl?" Kakashi says as he licks your ear. "It's because -fuck- because you both of you a-are touching me like this" you sigh with a light moan. "You mean like this?" Kakashi coos as his right hand wraps around your neck and he presses his dick against your back. "And like this?~" Satoru adds as he slips in another finger curling them inside you perfectly. You let a loud moan and your body trembled a bit. "P-please... I need more... please." Satoru slipping out his fingers and going to the bed laying down on it. Kakashi knew what to do, he guides you there as well before placing you in a 69 position on top of satoru on your hands and knees. He places himself in front of you before pulling down his sweats and pumping himself slowly right in front of your covered eyes. As satoru locks your hips with his arms he starts with soft flicks of tongue on your sensitive clit. Your hands grab the blanket as you begin to moan and your legs shake lightly. "Open your mouth sweetheart" you hear in front of you and without a second thought you comply. Sticking out your tongue letting saliva drip from the tip of it. Kakashi takes his time as he circles his tip on the bed of your tongue before sliding it deep inside your throat. Letting out a deep grunt once he bottoms out feeling your throat squeezing him just right. As he pulls himself back he grabs a handful of your hair for better support. Satoru dug his hands into your hips as he sucks on your clit, swirling his tongue just right. You moan into Kakashis dick as he fucks your face slowly but deep sending vibrations from him. "Good fucking girl... sss fuck- stick out your tongue more. Fuck yes just like that." He groans going harder with each thrust. Satoru made sure to make an absolutely mess of you as you grind softly on his face.

Satoru smirks against your skin as he quickens his pace knowing you were so close to cumming. Kakashi pulls from your throat as you gasp for air and pant from the tightening coil inside you. "Fuck I'm gunna cum~ feels so good daddy!" You whine as you grip kakashis shirt with one hand. Reaching down he plays with your curls as he watches you fall apart on satorus tongue. "Ahhuh god! Fuck! I-I'm mmmph! C-cu-" you couldn't get the rest out as you gush on his mouth twitching and trying to pull yourself from him as he cleans his plate. Once he's had his fill he releases his grip on you and licks his lips. "Delicious as always gorgeous" he says kissing your thighs. You can't see them but you hear them taking off their clothes and moving around the bed. You then feel one of them snatch your hands and put them behind your back while the other ties your hands together. You smirk a bit as you were getting more excited by the second. Feeling the bed dip down you feel satorus hands help you on top of him. And then you feel Kakashi right behind you holding your bound arms. You feel something wet and cold rubbing against your ass before it slowly sunk into you. You whimper at the unfamiliar feeling but just as you were getting use to the feeling of being teased from behind you feel a strong vibration against your clit. Hanging your head down you felt the vibrator going in circles on your pussy and what you come to realize a thick plug being pumped in and out of your ass. "Feeling good princess?" Kakashi asks with a chuckle as he admires your voice as it echos in the room. You were drunk on the pleasure and they haven't enough done much just yet. You called for them over and over again and before you knew it you were cumming again. "That's it baby. We just wanna make you feel good" satoru says as he slow down the circles before turning off the vibrator and slowly sinking you down on his thick dick. You cry out from the stretch but immediately felt so fucking full. Full of him and the pleasure he brought to you. As he bucks his hips into your clenching pussy Kakashi removes the plug and rubs his dick on your ass. "We need you to cum again princess. Can you do that for us?" Kakashi asks as he grips your arms and bites on your shoulder a bit. Satoru slowed his thrusting to let you answer but all you did was nod frantically. He looks down at satoru and with a smirk he begins circling the vibrator over your clit again with satoru still giving you deep and slow thrusts. "Close already? That was fast~" he mocks you as you clench around him. Kakashi pulls your body back and turns your head to him as he kisses you again. Your moans muffled with his mouth but your body jerks forward as you cum again. Tears stream down your face,  you couldn't speak just react. satoru stop thrusting and pulls you into a heated kiss sliding his tongue in your mouth and making sure you knew who was in charge right now. Your breathing was still all over the place but you didn't have time to get it together when you felt Kakashis dick press into your tight ass. Your nails dig into your palms as he pushes himself half way in. Satoru grunting from the pressure and you wilding moaning between them. Both of them rubbing your body as they comfort you through the stretch. "Your taking us so well baby. Just a little more and I promise it'll feel good" Kakashi says. "I-I already f-feel good..~ haaa fuck" you cry out. Not men blushing hard before Kakashi slams the rest inside you cause you to scream out. "I'm sorry love but I can't hold back anymore" he moans as he slowly begins fucking your ass. Squelching sounds and moans filling the room you all slowly lose your minds with one another. Satoru no longer being able to sit still begins thrusting upward into you again much harder than before. One one entered you the other would pull back a bit. "Ahaaah shit!! Fuck fuck! T-too much!" You breathlessly moan. Kakashi removes your blindfold and hands. You kindly reach behind you pushing him back a bit as he speeds up while your other hand rests on Satorus chest.

So many hands digging into your flesh that you don't know who is grabbing where anymore. And in a split second you blink and real size they have stood up sandwiching you between them with their arms holding you perfectly still. You wrap one of your arms around Satorus neck and then reaching over your shoulder you grab Kakashis. Their groan and labored breathing pushing you closer to your release yet again. You were begging them to make a mess of your insides, to break you or breed you. Whatever came first you wanted it and you wanted it so badly. "Mph gunna cum gunna cum again! Ugh right there! Please don't stop!~" their faces closed in on you as they fucked you in sync with one another. "Come on then birthday girl" one of them coos. "Make as much of a mess as you want" the other chimes in. Your grip on them tightens on both of them. Soon there you were again, but this time you couldn't hold back. Your body refused to hide the fact that you were receiving the ultimate amount of pleasure and as you yell into the air and come undone you find yourself squirting and violently shaking. "God your so sexy" Satoru says as he slams into you as hard as he can cumming deep within you, your nails scratching him harshly and Kakashi following right behind him. "Fuck I'm cumming baby!" He grunts as he too fills you up a strained whimper escapes you. Your eyes glazed with lust as you stare up at the ceiling feeling their cum drip from your aching holes. Best birthday ever.

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet- chapter 51: surprises

All Chapters 

Chapter 50

I woke up with a sigh, looking over at the time. In 24 hours I was officially 17, I didn't feel any different. It was just a regular day, until tonight, I was just hoping everything was gonna be simple and easy, no drama. I got up and got ready for school. I wrote a quick letter to Lucius telling him to add a few more professors to the list, I went to send it then saw my empty cage, I frowned and grabbed my bag. I headed for the door and walked over to Dracos room. 

I knocked and Draco let me in, "Good morning, Happy birthday!" he said smiling, "Can you send this to your dad?" I said walking in and handing it to his owl, the owl flew out and I guess knew where to go. "He only knows where my home is. Daddy's rules." he smiled. "So are you excited about today?" Draco asked, I laughed and shook my head, "let's go." We headed to breakfast to meet up with the rest, I sat down next to Luna across from ginny. I was definitely sensing something here. But I wanted to let Luna come to me, I just hoped she would. "So youre all coming to my party tomorrow night, right?" I asked, sipping some juice. "Yup" Ron and Harry nodded, Ginny smiled and so did Luna, "Of course" Ginny laughed and Hermione smiled, "yes if I can find a dress" she giggled and we all finished up quickly. "You go ahead Ill catch up", I said to Draco as we met before potions. I stayed to talk to Remus. "Soo you're coming to my birthday party right." I asked, smiling up at Remus, he tilted his head and shrugged, "Lucius and I aren't really friends Y/n." I shook my head, "Don't worry about him, it's my party anyone i want can come." I said reassuringly. He looked at me for a moment thinking, "Ok fine. But this is what I'm wearing." I put my hands up and smirked, "Fine by me, see ya tomorrow night." I smiled and headed out quickly down the hall. "Draco, Remus is coming!" I said smiling as I grabbed his hand. "Oh that'll be interesting." He laughed and I shoved him as we walked into Snape's room and took our seats. I didn't attend any lessons this week because I was prepping for the party, and to be honest I was avoiding him after the pub. I kept my head down in class, sometimes making eye contact with him, or looking up at him when hes sat down. I was getting help from Hermione for potions which was helping a little. "Everyone brew the potion on page 349, that's all." he said walking over and entering his private quarters. No one else questioned it but I was wondering what was going on. I flipped open the book and sent Draco to get the ingredients. I looked over at the door and closed my eyes. Searching for any thoughts I couldn't find any so I stopped and decided to leave it alone and get the cauldron.

Severus entered his quarters and stormed over to the man on his couch. "Why are you here?" Snape asked harshly. "I told you, here read her letter." The man said, handing it to Severus. He quickly read it and sure enough, It was the letter I wrote, excusing his stay here as a favor for me. Severus huffed, "Well you aren't staying here, you can stay at Malfoys." The man laughed, "Oh I haven't missed you a bit Snivellus, are you coming to the party as well?" he smiled standing up. "No, I am not going to a child's birthday party." he droned out. "Hmm well I will get going." The man said walking past Severus and out his window, shifting and running off. "Disgusting." Severus sneered as he turned and walked back into the classroom, so far everyone was doing good, He went and sat back down grading papers. Draco and I finished quickly, and poured it into a vial. I cleaned everything up and Draco put it on Snape's desk. The grumpy man not saying anything.

Soon class was over and I had some preparation to do, i was gonna skip dinner and go to the Malfoys a few hours earlier. Draco should be coming along as well. I quickly packed together my things, including my dress and makeup. I put my robes on and shrunk everything down, sliding it into my purse. I already had some light makeup on, but i was still in my school uniform.

"Hey are you ready?" Draco asked from the commons room couch, "Yup let's get this over with." I smiled and walked out ahead of him. We went to the gates and I stood there waiting for Draco. "I told you to shrink your stuff." I smirked as he set them down. "Shut up." He laughed, picking them back up. "Wait." I said putting my hand on his arm. I closed my eyes and focused, soon i felt the familiar spinning dizzy feeling and opened my eyes in front of Malfoy Manor. "Oh my what the-" He gagged and I laughed, shrinking his bags and picking them up. "Oh and before the party tonight, No hate but if you and Harry are gonna hookup, at least let me know so I can distract Lucius." I said winking and shooting a finger gun, cheesily to him. He rolled his eyes as he steadied himself. "Come on." i said walking towards the doors. "Wait-" He stumbled running up and grabbing my hand. "Okay." he smiled, "Ok." I let out a breath and we headed in, the doors opened for us and we nodded to the house elves. "I just stepped in and I'm panicking." I whispered looking up at the magnificent ceilings and all the paintings. I felt something tug my robes and it was a house elf taking it to hang up, they came around and grabbed Dracos too, hanging them up. Now i was just in my uniform. "Master is in his study." the elf said and then walked away. "Come on." Draco said casually, heading up the stairs. I quickly followed, gawking at the beauty of the mansion. "This is my room down here, Mothers is on the opposite side, and Fathers is in the middle.", He said walking into his room, "And yours is the spare between Father and I's" I looked over at him with wide eyes, "Oh dont worry its kept very clean and its real nice." he added walking past me to show me. I didn't care about that, I was more worried about being near Lucius, it was still a hallway down but that wouldn't matter. "And you have your own bathroom and vanity." He smiled opening the doors. I cupped my mouth when I saw the bedroom, the posts were silver with a curtain strung over them on a queen sized bed, emerald green silk sheets and beautiful matching furniture. "Its amazing Draco oh my gosh." I said placing my luggage on the bed and fixing its size." Father will be happy to hear you enjoy it, he designed this one for you. I guess he's accepting us as a couple, Honey." Draco laughed and I rolled my eyes, "Finally." I giggled and went into the bathroom, "Alright I will let you get settled." he said kissing my forehead and walking away. I turned and pulled out my dress, hanging it up in the wardrobe. I placed all my makeup at the vanity in the bathroom, smiling at the gorgeous marble bathroom. I headed back to the bed and put my luggage on the ottomon at the end of the bed. "Ok all settled." I said walking in Dracos room, I stopped when I noticed he wasn't there. "Hes downstairs in the kitchen, Honey." I heard the familiar voice, mocking behind me, "Hello Sir." I smiled walking slowly over to him. "Do I even need to say anything about your outfit, little one?"

"I didn't want to be late." I said smiling and walking past him and down the stairs. He glared down at me and i walked to the kitchen

"Hey." I said walking over to Draco who was looking for a snack. "Want a drink?" he asked, "what have you got?" I responded looking over. "Anything." He shrugged. "Haha umm a shirley temple with a shot of vodka," I joked, "Alright." He grabbed at the ingredients quickly, "I was kidding." I said looking over at him grabbing a glass. "Oh its fine." I wasnt gonna pass up a free beverage so I nodded and watched him make it. He did it rather fast handing it to me with a straw. I took a zip and smiled, "Omg this is like perfect." I smiled and he nodded, "Its kinda like potions." I took another sip and watched as Ms. Malfoy walked it. I stood up straight and smiled walking over to Draco, "Mother this is Y/n." She smiled softly walking over, "Its nice to finally meet you, if you'll excuse me." she said briskly walking away. "Hmm must be busy" Draco sighed and whipped himself up a quick sandwich.

Draco and I didnt actually have a lot to prepare, Lucius hired someone for everything, and I mean everything. Draco was talking to his mom, and I was in the kitchen watching the staff prepare their equipment for tomorrow. There wasn't much else to do since we had all day tomorrow to get everything ready. I looked out the kitchen window and saw a giant garden in their backyard, hedges, a fountain, everything. This place was like a castle. I walked around for a bit, checking almost every room. They had a gorgeous library and dining room. I assumed majority of the party would be in their common room and living area. I also didnt realize just how many people were coming til I saw the guest list. There was at least two pages full of names. It was currently ten o'clock and Draco and I were on the couch watching a movie. He has his arm around me and we laughed as we watched Labyrinth. "I love this movie, David Bowie is so hot oh my gosh." I said taking a sip of my drink, had Draco mix us up some drinks to give us a pre-birthday buzz. Although I also asked and elf for three shots of fire whisky as well, if I had to stay away from Lucius, I need something to kill the thoughts. I took the shots in the kitchen where no one could see, not wanting to make it a big deal, or give the wrong impression. I sat back down and we finished the last thirty minutes. "I honestly think Jareth is attractive to, theres something about him." Draco whispered and I laughed, "Right ugh! So fine." We walked around the couch to the kitchen with our glasses. Placing them in the sink, "Well we should probably go to bed now so we are rested for tomorrow, I hope you are ready." Draco teased as we headed up the stairs, "I know, I just hope there isn't any disagreements." He nodded and we walked down the hall, "So are you ready?" I asked Draco quietly. He furrowed his brows confused, "About y'know...with Harry?" I whispered. "Oh merlin, I'm not sure if we will. It just depends." I smiled and hugged him, "Goodnight." he said, shoving me playfully, "See you in the morning." i said walking into my room. I sighed, closing the door, I walked into the bathroom turning on the vent and the shower, I was still not over how gorgeous and big this shower was, I hung up a robe they had out for me and went to lay out my pajamas. I walked back over to the bathroom that was filling with steam. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. I started imagining Severus in here with me, caressing me and taking me in the shower. I paused and snapped out of it, beginning to take off my tie and unbutton my uniform top. I quickly undressed and hopped in the shower, using the products they had in here, I sighed under the hot water, thinking about Lucius. I was definitely tipsy at this point, which only made the shower more interesting. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel, drying my hair and body. I grabbed the black silk robe and put it on, wiping the fog from the mirror before brushing my hair.

I set my brush down and jumped when I looked up in the mirror, behind me stood Lucius, his brow raised as he gazed over my form. I turned around quickly, "What the fuck." I said looking at him with judgement, who does he think he is walking up in here like that. "Language." he smiled walking closer to me. I held up a hand, "No what did I say, never again." I pushed him back. He grabbed my wrist pulling my hand from his chest and walking closer. He gripped harder and hovered his other hand over my jaw grazing my throat. "Shhh. Dont waste your breath, we both know you cant resist." I stumbled a bit, pulling my arm from his grip. He noticed the action and looked at me confused. "Are you drunk?" he asked quietly. "Merlin of course not." I responded, pulling my wrist back and stepping back. In one swift motion he grabbed my hips and pushed me up on the bathrooms counter, pressing his lips against mine, grabbing my arms and holding them behind me with his right hand, and pulling my face in with his left. I opened my eyes and pulled away. "I said we cant." I reminded him, "You lied, I can taste the whiskey." he said huffing slightly, I looked up at him worried, "Its delicious little girl." he sneered and I almost melted right there, he pulled me back to him and I gave in, hearing him moan slightly when I tugged on his lip. He grabbed my leg and pulled it up over his hip, pushing himself flush with me. I wasnt wearing anything under the robe and could feel his hardening length against my bare core. I moaned a bit as he grinded slightly, shoving his tongue in my mouth, this kiss was definitely more sloppy and heated. I felt him place his hand on my waist and for a moment all I could think of was Severus. I opened my eyes once again and pulled away, "Nope." I pushed him back and hopped off the counter, backing over to my bed and grabbing my pajamas. "Y/n dont fight it." he smirked, "No i'm sorry you are very attractive and I don't know why I cant help myself, but no I cant." I felt a light sting and saw in the mirror the spot on my neck was showing more and spreading ever so slowly. He really was getting me hot and bothered. "Like I said, I will have you Y/n. Goodnight." he glared at me and walked out. It was taking everything in me to not give in, he was so enticing, and the hormones were rushing through me, but I just couldn't get past my sense of guilt and feelings about Severus.

Taglist; @lovelyhoneylemon @juliijah @lmao-liz

[way2gowillow]

It's my birthday today :)

I'm finally 16 sweet 16 y'know I guess some huge life changes will happen soon people say once you turn 16 it's like your life just changes around. It's kinda crazy I'm not to sure what's gonna happen to me now that I'm "so mature" I still feel very childlike, my grandfather took me to build a bear yesterday and I still play with stuffed animals. But that's okay. I also think you'll be happy that I'm here with good news, I'm feeling really good. O feel happy and like fucking alive and things in my life are going pretty great. I, in all honesty, I haven't felt this just... Okay... Is so fucking long, it's like things are making sense now. Things are okay. It's weird I've been getting better this year, I mean I've definitely has my setbacks, but I haven't self harmed since last December, and I passed all my classes, that algebra class I passed with a 68% (64% is fail) my dad's disappointed in me but the teacher was shit and I tried my best so it's whatever honestly, being more carefree has been so much better. I got straight A's in all my other classes! So my GPA's like 3.1? Or smth idk I'm trying. But schools over. Summer is my good months, I hate the hot weather but having a few months without school is amazing, being able to stay away from bullies is incredible that's really the only thing that's so I'll been bothering me nowadays plus, over summer everyone forgets everything so hopefully theirs nothing else to bully me about next year. Maybe this summer I'll have like a glow up or smth? Probably not lol. Though, I have been going to the gym, but I'm not looking to change my body I have enough issues with that as it is. Anyways, it feels so much better to just be okay. My birthday was great and I'm feeling good. We actually celebrated last week because of the court date with my mom so my whole family could be together I got some new Markers, and A PlayStation (🫣in excited) and some new shoes it's been a really great day. I'm really excited we celebrate last week haha because (I'm sure you guessed it) I'm sick again! I'm telling you I never stop being sick it's constant, I have a sinus infection (A FUCKING GAIN) AND STREP so I'm spending my birthday eating my favorite foods (like ice cream, nice on my sore throat) and finishing up these antibiotics, I'm pretty sure the last time I wrote here I was sick then too?? I think? It might have been stomach related I honestly can't fucking remember I'm sick all the time.(along with Juvenile Arthritis, which APPERNLY I HAVE, just another thing to add to the list 🙄) But I don't really mind. I have TV to watch and I'm doing OK.

I know things like this dont last forever but im happy right now and honestly I think I'm okay with just staying for a while how stuff is. Ill have up and downs and my (phisical) health isn't too awesome but I'm doing the best I can to help it

As always you please please take care of YOURSELF. Make sure your drinking, eating, taking your medicine, giving yourself time to breathe. I appreciate you 🤗

-rosy

AWWW! Omg, happy birthday! I'm so so happy to hear that you are doing a little better right now, especially on your birthday. I hope you got all the ice cream you wanted. And that's very sweet that you went to build-a-bear. I've been meaning to go for a while myself once I have the spending money to splurge. I kinda want a K.K slider bear...(dog? Idk about the technicalities with that lol). And it's totally not a bad thing to still be fond of cute stuff like that. What matters is that you like it! And nobody else should have any issue with something as wholesome as being yourself.

I used to really enjoy Summer because of the nice break from school too. And I didn't have many friends, but the few I did have were very fun to be around. I hope you have someone like that in your life. Please enjoy the break, whether you spend it with others or at your own time. I know that algebra class you mentioned was stressing you out hardcore. You passed and you tried your absolute damn best. That's all that matters. (I'm proud of you.)

It sucks you're feeling sick, but I hope that also gets better with time. Coincidentally, I also had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (I was diagnosed at 15) and the biggest tip I can give you is to become aware of and come to terms with your own limits. I had not taken good care of myself when I turned 18 and my RA kinda spiraled out of control, which caused me to develop lupus very soon after. So, you know, take it kind of seriously and be kind to your body. You mentioned you're going to the gym, which is great! Staying active is super good for preventing joint pain. But also don't forget to take breaks. The good news is that these sort of chronic illnesses can go into remission under the right care. <3

It's always nice hearing how you're doing. Happy Birthday again. I'm glad it went well. :D

[lilshotgun]

So here's why i've been inactive for the past couple months on tumblr:

As many of you know, I've been a fairly avid content creator for the warrior nun fandom creating a ton of content for free. I joined a Warrior Nun discord server named Future Warrior Nuns (which is a ridiculous name considering in the show Ava says there will be no more warrior nuns but that's besides the point) and the treatment I received there was amazing. At the beginning. I spoke up about racism and injustices within the community because you cannot escape it anywhere unfortunately and I believed I'd found a community that would protect me and be there for me if i was ever faced with racism or hate.

For clarity, anyone in blue is a moderator. As you go on to read this their usernames and profile images might change so I’ll clarify who is who. I’ll only be using the names I’ve been presented with and only the ones that are most relevant to the situation. 

Fiesta  (white American cis woman) aka Doesn't Kelly, Witch Rhyme

Taz (white Australian cis woman) 

Milan (a very sheltered American transmasculine poc whos uncomfortable talking about racism because they've never had to deal with it) aka Who The Fuck Is Kelly

Rory (white Australian cis woman) aka Stronger Kelly

 But after a while, things slowly started to change. It was subtle and if you hadn't been there from the beginning, you wouldn't have noticed. It started with the moderators spending less time in the server because they had made many of their own servers and spent far more time over there. Which is understandable when you’re a group of friends that all have a common purpose. But the lack of leadership was palpable. I had to sometimes direct fellow server members to proper channels or do a few other things that were supposed to be things that the moderators were supposed to take care of and their lack of care for the server was becoming more relevant. If you were in their little group of friends or kissed their ass then they wouldn't target you unnecessarily. 

    Exactly three weeks later, (and only one week after my birthday in which everyone was super sweet and nice to me) the love and friendship they claimed to have for me vanished completely. For context, people in positions of power, especially in a server, should be people you can come to if you ever have an issue with anything or anyone. They should also be people that can come to terms with admitting their behavior was incorrect when being told so. So here is what happened:

I have always been open about being a transmasculine person of color on all my platforms, and if you know me on any platform you know that. The behavior shown here between me and the moderators was absolutely appalling to me. They pushed my voice aside and only acknowledged Narcissa, a cis white woman, who was agreeing and saying the same things i had because i had asked her in private to help me out because i felt it was unfair that two server moderators were coming at me so aggressively. 

As you can see from the screenshots, they claimed that I attacked Fiesta when i was simply pointing out that her behavior was hypocritical and unfair especially because she is in a position of power and that's something people of power should be aware of. 

I was the only one brave enough to say what everyone was thinking. And that's something I have always taken pride in. Speaking up for others when they are too scared to do so themselves. And that was shown through multiple people coming into my dms to tell me they either felt the same way I did or they felt the way I was treated in the conversation above was unfair. This next screenshot is from a private message from a former manager. 

Narcissa (white cis woman)  received a few apologies from the server managers privately, yet my dms stayed vacant. At this point, they made a “public apology” towards everyone in the server which I forgot to screenshot, and not a single server manager reached out to me in private. But they did share these in the server for everyone to see:

They then opened an anonymous feedback form for us to share if we had any issues privately, which of course, I did, and so I filled it out saying “wheres my fucking apology ~king” so they would know exactly who the response was coming from. I was angry and hurt that they treated me the way they did. I regretted wording it like that almost instantly after sending it. But the deed was done and it was unchangeable. And not too long after, this was posted publicly in the server feedback channel so that everyone in the server could see:

Whether I shared that it was from me or not, she violated the server moderators unanimous statement saying that everything posted in the feedback form would stay anonymous and made my response public using the excuse that me sharing my name made it okay for her to show it to everyone. I was also being informed by other people I’m friends with that the forms that were being submitted were not staying anonymous and that they were being shared from other moderators privately in other peoples' dms.

I stuck around in the server because the people that I had formed friendships with were there and they were special to me and I wanted to be able to talk to them still in spite of everything that had happened to me up until this point. I was much more subdued at this point, I was posting less art and as you noticed I practically disappeared from twitter as well. 

My love for Warrior Nun was decreasing rapidly because the environment had become so toxic and unwelcoming that I felt scared to say much in the server in fear of being banned after seeing one of my trans poc friends banned for saying hi to another member. They had been looking for a reason to ban him for being on my side instead of theirs and apparently found the “perfect” excuse. They deleted his messages and claimed in their private admin channel that he had harassed someone in the server without screenshotting the false evidence first. How do I know this? Because I had a person on the team that valued me as a person instead of as a content creator and what I could give to the server.

I proceeded to curate the server for what fit me best, considering the ridiculous number of channels they created that had nothing to do with the show at this point. And there was an option for members to do that so I used the tools they had provided with and opted out of channels I no longer wanted to see. I consolidated it down to 35 out of 66 channels because some of them had no opt out option. And still, it was way more channels than I'd prefer to be in. I narrowed it down to only ships I actually cared about instead of having a bunch of channels I was never gonna read or say things in. And that's when the manager that cared about us provided me with these telling screenshots.

Why put me in “jail” over removing some roles? It may not have been explicit, but the internalized racism of putting a person of color in “jail” for curating what they wanted from a server is frankly off putting to say the least. "Implicit racism includes unconscious biases, expectations, or tendencies that exist within an individual, regardless of ill-will or any self-aware prejudices." 

And what does carl bot do exactly? It logs EVERYTHING. But only if that feature is enabled. And clearly, in Future Warrior Nuns, it is.

 They didn’t care about me and didn’t care that I was a consistent content creator. For lack of better words, I was one of the biggest reasons the actual part of the server that was dedicated to the show was constantly active and once I became quiet, along with a few other content creators I talked with, the activity decreased immensely. I said things here and there but that was about it. Until I was looking through their emotes. I noticed that they had trans, gay, demi, bi, aro, and ace heart emotes but the lesbian one wasnt there. Which was honestly surprising considering how much of the fandom identifies as lesbian. So I asked for it to be added and after it was, so many people were super happy because of it.

One day later i asked for more Mary emotes because they hadn’t completely brushed me off after requesting for the lesbian pride one. I noticed that Ava, the white character, had 72 animated and still emotes at the time while Mary, the black character, only had 18. And only 4 out of those were positive emotes. Here's that conversation:

I offered up my services to create Mary emotes for them considering I was an artist and content creator and it would be no issue for me at all to contribute but they declined, saying they were working on some themselves and that they would eventually add them to the server. The ones that they had created all looked terrible. They didn't know how to color correct her skin so that it wouldn't look ashy because of the filters used in the show and instead of asking for help from me, an artist of color, they simply did their own thing. And from 18 emotes, it went up to a dazzling 24. 

Needless to say, the racism they claimed not to have was pretty evident at this point. It was shockingly clear that they didn’t care as much about the characters of color than they did for the white and white passing ones. After this entire debacle I didn't even bother trying to ask for more emotes for Lilith considering how warmly I was welcomed with asking for more Mary emotes. 

A little less than two months after the initial incident, I still hadn’t been contacted by anyone on the admin team about absolutely anything in private. It wasn’t until people asked Fiesta if she had reached out to me or even bothered with an apology before she sent me this:

The “apology” was worthless. Too much time had passed since I was publicly humiliated and portrayed as the evil transmasculine person of color to them, and only a select few people interacted with me. I felt completely shut out because of how the admin team handled a difference of opinion. Instead of correcting themselves and admitting they were wrong, they doubled down on the intimidation and bullying  by changing their rules so that they could find excuses to ban or punish anyone they felt was not on their side. 

At this point, my grades were heavily declining. I was already struggling with keeping up with everything on my own due to covid and my mental disabilities. Being a victim of this racist behavior made everything worse. I couldn’t get out of bed, I was barely eating a meal a day because I had no motivation to work so I had little to no money to buy myself food. I was starving most days. And I didn’t ask my mom for help because I felt everything was my fault and that I really was in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything even though looking back at it I wasn't wrong for what I said. I had also been informed that my dad died because of covid and because of all of this stress and depression I had officially failed my classes. 

This is really difficult for me to say because I’m a very private person and I hate asking for help or sharing anything about my private life, but for you to understand everything that was happening to me at the time, this is stuff you unfortunately need to know. 

There’s many more things that I could say about this server but this thread is already long enough as it is and it was hard enough to write this all down. But behind closed doors, the admin team had some of the nastiest attitudes and behaviors you could’ve seen. Had they realized we had someone on their team that actually valued us and others as people, they probably would have kept their blatant ignorance and dislike towards server members hidden better. But white people like oppressing others when they know they can get away with it and this is just another sad unfortunate example that cost me and my fellow friends of color some heavy emotional and psychological damage.     They did wrong and refused to acknowledge it and instead tried to find a way to ban us for not having the hivemind that they so desperately want to control everyone with. If you want to see for yourself, feel free to find a link to a discord server named Future Warrior Nuns. If you look back through their channels, you’ll find most of these conversations either gone or have many messages missing. I hope my story will help understand why I’ve been gone from tumblr for so long and i hope something like this never happens to you.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Robron week - Day 4

Make a wish, it's the rule.

Look at this...on time for once! From the same universe as yesterday as people seemed to like it.

(A03 link)

Aaron’s on the last job of the morning and it’s the kind he hates. He likes to think he’s learned a little bit of tolerance in this job because he understands that people are ill and they really don’t want to be there, but when someone is doing nothing but running down the staff on the wards it gets his back up.

“There we are Mr Harris, someone will be back to collect you when you’re done.” He turns on his sweet saccharine voice that he keeps just for the difficult ones. Without so much as a by your leave he drops his notes on the desk and scarpers. It’s been one of those days and he’ll be glad when it’s over.

As he’s on his way back to the locker room he spots a familiar face, it’s Robert from a few nights before. He probably doesn’t remember him but he feels as though he should say hello and he quickens his pace to catch up with him.

“Robert? Hi.” The man in front of him looks blank for a minute and his face drops. Of course he doesn’t remember, his whole world had probably taken a beating that night, why would he remember a stranger. Then recognition kicks in and he smiles.

“Aaron! Sorry, I’m dead on my feet.” Aaron brushes away the apology before he asks how his little boy is doing. “He’s ok, he’s still upstairs. I’m on my way back now, had to take a work call because my son being in hospital isn’t a good enough excuse apparently.”

“You look like you could do with a break.”

“Going to give me tea and a blanket again?”

“If you want. He’ll be alright for a few more minutes won’t he? You look like you’re going to fall over any minute.”

“I should get back. Ever since I told him about Bex he doesn’t like it when I’m not there, screamed the place down yesterday when I nipped home for a shower.”

“Tell me to mind my own business and I swear I’m not a weirdo but if you want I could sit with him while you get some lunch. Not to sound like my Mum but you’re no good to him if you’re exhausted. The staff up there know me.” It’s weird, he shouldn’t be offering, but if Robert was on his own aside from Vic then he could probably do with the help.

“I don’t know, he’s pretty upset.” He looked at him like he’d hung the moon though.

“Half an hour. If he doesn’t like me then I’ll come find you.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you have to work?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s my lunchbreak, was only going to go for a jog, this is a much better way to spend time, besides it’s freezing out there. He’s what six? That’s the same age as my little cousin and I babysit him loads. Go on, you’ll feel better for it even if the food ain’t up to much.”

“I don’t know.”

“If it helps I wanted to be one of those play specialists years back. Would’ve tried it if I hadn’t moved to France.”

“France?”

“Yeah. Waste of time, came back when my boyfriend cheated on me.” He bites his lip, maybe he should’ve kept quiet but a part of him wanted him to know, because as much as he told himself it wasn’t the time or the place he couldn’t help but be attracted to him, even if nothing could ever happen.

“Oh. Well...ok.”

“That’s settled then. Now go eat.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“Nah, I leave that to the professionals. Go, it’ll be fine.”

It still feels strange, even with Robert’s permission, walking onto the brightly coloured children’s ward, the place full of noise as always. One of the nurses he knows directs him to Seb’s room and he peeks in the doorway to see him staring at the TV, red faced from crying, mouth downturned in a pout.

He feels bad when he pushes the door open and he sees a momentary smile only for it to disappear when he sees someone other than his father coming in.

“Hi. I’m Aaron, what’re you watching?”

“Nothin’.”

“That’s a shame, because I told your Dad that you’d tell me all about the cartoons. Guess I’ll see if the kids next door can help me.”

“No. I can do it. You know my Daddy?” Aaron nods, sitting beside the bed. The little boy is propped up on a mountain of pillows and he’s guessing Robert had persuaded them to give him a couple extra because there was definitely more than the regulation amount. His leg is hidden by the covers but he can tell it’s injured somehow by the cradle holding the sheets away from it. There’s a dressing on the left side of his head too but other than that he seems ok.

“Yeah. I met him the night you came here. He went to get something to eat but he’ll be back soon. I told him I’d come sit with you so he wouldn’t worry.”

“He does that a lot.”

“Yeah? Mums and Dads are like that aren’t they.” He remembers a second too late and he wants to kick himself as the tears start to form in Seb’s eyes. “I’m sorry mate.”

“Mummy went to the stars.” He tells him, hiccuping his way through the words.

“Yeah, I know, but you know she’ll always be here with you right? You’ll remember her and Daddy will tell you about her loads.”

“Is your Mummy still here? Daddy’s isn’t. He told me that he used to be really really sad, but now it’s not so much and that’s how I’ll be too.”

“Well I bet he’s right. Yeah my Mummy’s still here. She’s right bossy, makes me tidy my room and all sorts.” That gets a giggle and he’s relieved. He wouldn’t want Robert to come in and see his son crying.

“Do you work here?”

“Yep. I’m a porter, do you know what that is?” He shakes his head, eyes wide with interest and Aaron thinks he looks just like Robert. “I take people where they need to go, on their beds or in wheelchairs and stuff.”

“Do you race them?”

“No. I think I’d get into trouble if I did that.”

“You should. It’d make them feel better.” He adds a little nod at the end of his statement.

“You think. Well you never know, maybe one day. So, what do you like doing when you’re not stuck in here? I can go get you some toys or we can play a game.”

“I like drawing. It’s my Daddy’s birthday today.” It takes a second for Aaron to catch on to the change in subject. “Can I make him a card?”

“Yeah, course. I’ll go and get you some stuff. Don’t go anywhere will you.” He winks at him, getting another giggle before he goes to raid the supply cupboard on the ward.

He can’t help feeling a little sad that Robert’s spending his birthday in the hospital with his son and his mind is already whirling with thoughts about how he can make it a little better. Maybe he’s overstepping, after all they don’t even know each other really, but he finds himself wanting to make Robert smile, to make things just a little better. He wants to know everything about the man too, but he pushes that to one side. Now’s not the time.

Armed with pens and paper he heads back to Seb’s room, manoeuvring the table over the bed so he can draw. He’s still at it when Robert comes back in the room looking a little better and Aaron sits up straight in the chair.

“Daddy!”

“Hey cheeky. Have you been ok with Aaron?”

“Yeah he’s funny! He’s going to race the trollies when he’s working.”

“Little sneak. That was your idea!” He goes to stand beside Robert. “He’s been fine. I put my foot in a little mentioning my Mum but I think he’s ok. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. Thanks. You were right, I really needed a break.”

“Any time. I mean it, here’s my number, or just ask the nurses to radio me and I can sit with him as long as I’ve not got a job.” He scribbles his number on a bit of Seb’s discarded paper and hands it to Robert. “He’s better company than my mate right now.”

“Sounds like a story.”

“Nah, he just wants me to go out on the pull, gets a right monk on when I won’t.” Maybe he shouldn’t but a part of him wants to know if there’s an interest of any kind or whether he’s wasting his time.

“Not a good wingman?”

“He’s not, just wants me to hang around while he tries it on with every girl in the room.”

“Not your scene? Sorry none of my business.”

“Not my type more like. Anyhow you don’t care about this. I should go.” He makes for the door wanting to escape the embarrassing silence. “Oh, happy birthday by the way.”

The next time he sees him he’s pushing Seb in a wheelchair as Aaron’s taking a patient to the entrance to be discharged.

“Aaron! Race us!” Seb’s voice carries along the corridor and his patient starts laughing. At least she won’t put in a complaint. He’s already got one against him from the bloke this morning who hadn’t got a sense of humour, he doesn’t need another on the same day.

“Seb, Aaron’s working.”

“Oh go on petal, give him a little race.” He can’t help checking the corridor for any of the bosses before winking at Seb and increasing his pace a little, chuckling as Seb urges Robert to hurry up. He lets them go ahead and Seb’s cheer is surprising in how it makes him feel happy. “If you get into trouble lad, you tell them I insisted.”

“Cheers Alice, I might need to. Thanks though, he’s having a tough time.” He whispers conspiratorially to his passenger. “If I sit you here your husband won’t be long will he?”

“No, no, you get on. I think they’re waiting for you.” She pats his hand and he flashes a smile at her already heading towards these two people who already have a place in his heart.

“Where are you off then?”

“PIcnic!”

“Wow!”

“This one has been telling all and sundry that it’s my birthday and somehow there were some spare sandwiches and bits left over from the lunches which mysteriously ended up in his room. The nurses all but shooed us out. Know anything about that?”

He shrugs, embarrassed. “No one should be stuck in hospital on their birthday. Or visiting for that matter.”

“Well thanks. You wanna join us?”

“Please Aaron, please.” He can’t resist Seb’s pleading face, looking up at him from the wheelchair, tucked up in a blanket, leg stuck out in front of him in it’s plaster cast. “Daddy got choc’late cake.”

“He did? Well in that case...I’ve got a few minutes.”

They find a spot on the grass at the front of the hospital and thankfully the grass is dry when he sits down.

“Are you sure we’re not keeping you from anything?” Robert fusses as he sticks the straw in Seb’s carton of apple juice.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere til I try that chocolate cake.”

“Best get to it then. I even managed to get a candle because apparently it’s not a birthday cake without one.”

“It’s not Daddy. You hafta blow it out and make a wish, it’s the rule. Like I did on my birthday.”

“Oh yeah, what did you wish for then?” Aaron asks him, amused at how he bossed his Dad about.

“More cake.”

“Fair enough.” He watches as Robert sets the candle in the cake patting his pockets when he doesn’t have a light. Aaron hands him his lighter. “Here. I’ve given up but it reminds me not to start again. Besides it can come in handy.”

“Right then.”

“Blow it out Daddy!” Robert looks embarrassed but he does as he’s told. “What did you wish for?”

“That’d be telling wouldn’t it.”

“So, when are they letting him out?” He asks when they’ve eaten the cake and Robert’s cleared the remains from Seb’s mouth.

“The weekend, if he can handle crutches. I’ve got nothing sorted, I live up on the second floor and I don’t know...oh you don’t need to hear all this.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Why are you helping us Aaron?” He shrugs. “I’m not complaining because I don’t know where I’d be if you hadn’t helped the other night, but why? You must see loads of people looking as pathetic as I did.”

“You didn’t. You just looked like you needed someone I suppose.”

“Well cheers. I never would’ve called Vic either if it hadn’t been for you.”

“Yeah? You’re getting on alright then?” He hadn’t seen her in the village so he had no idea if they’d reconciled, although he knew Vic well enough to know she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I like Auntie Vic. She brought me pizza!”

“Wow! Her pizzas are the best.”

“You know Auntie Vic?” Seb looks amazed as if it’s the coolest thing in the world.

“Yep, since school.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah yeah, alright you, don’t go making me old before my time.” He reaches out to tickle him making him squeal.

“You’re really good with him.”

“Big kid meself.”

“I just...don’t feel like I know him.” He bends a little closer so Seb can’t hear. “Bex and I we didn’t really get on and I didn’t get to see him as much as I wanted so I’ve missed tons and I don’t know how to make up for that.”

“So don’t. You’re here now. My Mum left when I was eight and even when I found her again she didn’t really want to know. We’re alright now, but it’s hard to forgive her for that. Not leavin’, well not just that, but mostly for not caring. As long as he knows you care, that you love him more than anything else then there’s nothing to make up for.” Robert nods but doesn’t say anything. “Make sure you ask for help too if you need it. Not just Vic, but if he needs to talk to someone.”

“That sounds like experience.”

“Yeah. It helped me with stuff and it doesn’t mean you can’t cope.”

“That’s scary.”

“Nah, you’re a Sugden. Stubborn as they come, right?” He’s about to say something else when his radio crackles into action with a job. “Best get on.”

“Aaron...when he gets out of here...would you like to go for a drink or something?”

“Uh, sure. You still owe me that pint, remember?”

“I meant...more like a date. Maybe I shouldn’t when he’s still here and Bex is...and he’ll need me, but I like you Aaron. Forget it, I’m barking up the wrong tree.”

“No...I mean, you’re not wrong. When he’s sorted yeah?” Robert nods. “Right I better go before I get the sack. See ya later Seb.”

“See you later alligator.”

“In a while, crocodile.” He ruffles his hair gently as he goes. “See ya Robert.”

“Soon I hope.” Maybe today wasn’t too bad after all.

[7serendipities]

My Imbolc: musings in support of week-long celebrations, and the value of “good enough”

I saw a lot of posts this year wondering which day was “really” Imbolc, using which calendar or astronomical system and while it’s important to have a good grounding in what was done historically (especially if your personal path is more inclined towards reconstructionism), I think it’s equally important to remember than in a lot of these historical contexts, Imbolc (like other festivals) was celebrated by nearly the whole community, which meant that they had a pause that we in the contemporary US just don’t have. It can be stressful to decide which day to take off work if you’re going to, and then figure out how to do all the traditions you love on that day without running out of steam (especially for those who are chronically ill), and I’m here to suggest that you just… don’t.

Don’t try to do it all on the One Approved Day. Our Christian-dominated secular society doesn’t do that for Christmas! Sure, they tend to do the presents on Christmas Day but some people open one on Christmas Eve, too. Some people have the big meal midday on Christmas Day, but a lot of people do the big evening meal on Christmas Eve, or they do regular meals on both days and have a big family gathering and potluck on the closest weekend.

So, sure, leave out your cloth to be blessed by Brigid/Brig/Bride (or even Brigantia) on the night that best suits your practice (I’ve heard both Jan 31 and Feb 1, and it seems to depend on where one is in Ireland and Scotland), but if you also want to weave rushes into Brigid’s crosses, and make a big meal, and churn butter, and bake, and cleanse and bless your home… there’s no harm in spreading it out some! Butter keeps well if you want to churn it in advance; so do a number of baked goods. Weaving the crosses is easy enough to do beforehand, but is also simple enough that you could do it any day you have the energy and time. Make the big meal on whichever day works best for you and your family!

As a spoonie witch, I often find that I just don’t have the energy to do everything on one day, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. So I plan out the things I want to do, and stretch out the celebration over the course of a week or so. With Imbolc, my birthday also gets rolled into it, and I sometimes do magic or divination about my next year as part of my Imbolc celebration, as one more kind of new beginning. I also did a bit of intentional garden work this year, as the week following Imbolc coincided with a spell of warmer weather. I tidied up a few beds and started a few tomato seeds; if that works out well, I’ll probably add that into my rotation, instead of or in addition to seed-blessing. I usually bake scones and everyone in the family helps shake a jar of cream into butter, but this year that hasn’t happened - yet. If you look at everyone else’s picture-perfect Imbolc on Instagram and feel like yours wasn’t that good, stop looking. People don’t like to talk about their failures, but then, who’s to say what is and isn’t failure when we’re talking about our own personal spiritualities? I didn’t manage to do one of the traditions I’ve been trying to establish in my household this year. But, I did make an absolutely scrumptious lamb stew with parsnips, rutabagas, leeks, and cabbage floating among the staple carrots and potatoes, and we got the lamb meat from a local farm. I think that might become a new tradition for us! It’s certainly more of a Holiday Meal than just scones.

As a Mom, I feel a lot of pressure to create meaningful traditions for my child, to pass along the stories and the joys and the values of my spiritual path, while leaving enough room for him to choose another path if he wishes. It’s important for me to remember that I don’t need to get it exactly right every time, and I don’t need to have schedule that I follow exactly the same way every single year so that he only remembers the one way. Kids (and people, generally) remember the threads of holiday tradition, and if it’s a bit fluid that allows for flexibility. My parents certainly didn’t have set-in-stone traditions for the Catholic holidays of my childhood, but I have fond memories of certain repeated traditions, even if we didn’t do them every year. When I was old enough to have input I usually asked to do my favorite activities, and in that way I really felt like I was involved. While I’m not keen to pass on the Catholicism I’ve left behind, I do want that feeling for my child, the warm fuzzy feeling of getting to color eggs (and similar activities) “like we usually do.”

I’m not aiming for an instagrammable holiday scene at the moment of sunset on The Only Correct Day. For me, that’s untenable. I don’t need that kind of stress, because in my experience that stress only serves to quash the actual feeling of celebration. And for me, that feeling is really my main goal. I’m trying to develop a rising and ebbing tide of celebratory activities centering on Feb 1-2, that my family will come to think of as “How We Usually Celebrate Imbolc”. Each individual piece adds to the whole, but missing a piece doesn’t doom the whole endeavour to failure! I’ve found I’m happier when I turn away from perfectionism to embrace “good enough”, and allow myself to feel satisfied with what I managed to do. My Imbolc was good enough — good enough to feel reconnected to my spiritual path, and good enough to feel inspired by the season. I hope yours was good enough, too!

[artsninspo]

EXCUSE ME MISS - II

Masterlist 

Part I

AUTHORS NOTE: Soooo, I felt like the vibes were incomplete, there were no private jets, cars, no major black girl luxury moments (they’re coming). I’m going to try to wrap this one up in 5 parts.

SUMMARY: Anon requested one with Trevante and the Reader based on the Jay-Z and Pharrell Excuse Me Miss video. So, I decided to have some fun with it.

PAIRING: Trevante x Reader, Erik x Reader

---

The light streams into the room, beams slipping through sheer white curtains.

There’s a peace to this morning, no alarms, no rushing up and down the stairs – just the faint sweet smell of pancakes and the sounds of Chels’ cheffing playlist. You find yourself smiling, letting your body sink into the plush bed surrendering to the relaxation. Slow living brings you so much joy.

You smile in appreciation of all the finishes you diligently put into HQ, like the bath and rain shower. Putting a few drops of essential oil into your diffuser as you take a shower starting on an intricate face routine much neglected over the past few months.

The door opens and Robin smiles, her full lips and bright eyes sparkle.

“It’s nice isn’t it” she smiles handing you a cup of her infamous hot chocolate and sitting on the counter.

“Its paradise” you in the feeling of stillness.

“It’s been too long”

“It has” you agree with my eyes closed at the memory of life always being so sweet.

“Imagine if we could go shopping and get massages then eat at the mansion or rent a boat for the afternoon and work on our tans” Bella smiles entering your bathroom and the three of you stand there smiling with closed eyes.

“Soon” you sigh hopefully.

���Breakfast is ready” Chels says entering with a smile.

The vibe is so right you all walk into a group hug happy and hopeful. Last night had gone off without a hitch, each of you employing the necessary tactics to make the most of the big spenders. Best of all they wouldn’t miss the change they spent to have a good time. The four of you had been working yourselves to the bone for too long.

“Let’s eat!” Bella says leaving the bathroom first you file out until Chels stops you. The other girls go along and Chels takes an envelope out of her pocket.

“Erik’s payment for this month, it’s all there”  

“Thanks”

Chels smiles before you can, you both laugh a little before hugging away all the tension and bad blood caused by the financial stresses resulting from Chelsea’s bad decisions. Everything’s a little less contentious now that she’s finally over her depression about it and outing in just as much effort as everyone else to right the wrong. It’s even better when you all enjoy her gourmet breakfast. We all clean together enjoying the morning and each other’s company for the first time in what feels like forever.

“We’re, ten grand away from paying off the balance on the house we owe in arears” Robin says making everyone smile at the good news.

“I’ll try to sell some more bags” Chelsea offer’s but her style is so loud she has a lot of trouble ridding herself of her favorite pieces.

Bells smiles, “I’ll take on some extra hours at the shop, try to get in higher paying clients – up the ante on social media hopefully it brings us in some business”

“Ill keep scouting out more opportunities” Robin adds.

“How much do we owe Erik?” Bella asks and I do the calculations closing my eyes out of stress and irritation at the realization.

“50k” the response leaves everyone equally demoralized but the doom and gloom only lasts a moment before the bass of loud music and the purr of a luxury car is in within earshot of the house.

“Speak of the fucking devil” Chels grits.

Erik hops out of his black McLaren in Nike sweatpants and a matching t-shirt his hair is braided into a style freshly cut and relocked. His eyes smile when he sees me outside which is never a good sign. He’s like a predator, baring teeth isn’t a sign of docility.

“Hey baby” he taunts coming in for a kiss only to be pushed back. “Be nice, you owe me money” he responds reaching for the door behind you only to be stopped. “Why aren’t you at work? Your hairs freshly done too” he smiles running his hands through my silk press to work my nerves.

“Erik stop” I whisper, and he steps back finally swallowing.

“You have fun yesterday?” he asks.

Of course, he knows you think to yourself. It isn’t the late payment or genuine concern for your well-being it’s his ego.

“I’m twenty-five Erik I should be able to have some fun”

“Well since you’re not going to work, owe me money and don’t want me in the house – get your stuff”

“Pardon me?”

“What now you have a problem dressing sexy to get attention and get paid, I have a job for you” He says heading back into his car. “Don’t take long I’m not in the mood”

Just like that the perfect morning is ruined by your asshole ex. You head into the house to the girls waiting apprehensively.

“I’ll be back, he knows about last night, don’t make any moves with the” I pause mouthing MONEY before getting my purse and heading out before he gets too antsy. He opens the door for me letting me in the car.

Erik and I have history.

Not all the good kind.

He pulls off taking the freeway to his side of town. I take note of his sleepy expression, the slight bags under his eyes, his casual outfit and his irritation says he’s back from a job. He’s probably been up for at least  48 hours, definitely been traveling.

“So, if you just got back who squealed on me?”

Erik smiles at how well we know each other, “Doesn’t matter I run security at Onyx now”.

That’s a new development

“I don’t know how you make time for it all. The expansion, the odd jobs, keeping tabs on me”

“I prioritize what’s important” he mocks me kissing my hand. You shoot him a look that warns against his actions but it’s no use. The worst part about all of this is that you still find him attractive. If he had it in him to promise you, he was done with all the other women and that he could be a one woman man – you don’t think you could resist giving a relationship another shot.

“So, what’s the job?”

“The usual you go somewhere looking pretty, this time you’ll be sitting beside me, shouldn’t be too hard, Babydoll”

Erik was your first real boyfriend and there was nothing traditional or normal about your relationship. You were working at a strip club and Erik was a regular. He was insatiable and the entire club lit up when he’d come in. It was clear despite spending the money he wasn’t a trick. There were countless fights over him, and he thrived on the contention. He spent quite a lot of time at the bar with you trying to find your price for a private dance, or date or a little more. Unfortunately, you werent’t repulsed by a man who chose to spend his free time in the club watching naked women. You liked the attention. Erik was attentive, unlike the others. He realized that you kept things flowing. Spotted the big spenders and sent the girls to them. With smiles and little gestures, I kept the money flowing like an expert. Babydoll was a champ whose position wasn’t shaking her ass.

“Whatever Erik”

“How much y’all rake in last night? Y’all out of hot water yet or you still close to needing to move back home. You know I left your room and closet how you left it?” Erik has no business being such an asshole. The only thing I ever did to him was leave and cut all communication. He’s the one who was sleeping with other women and telling me they meant nothing. He starts laughing when he sees that I’m frustrated with him.

“You shouldn’t treat me like this” I snap tired of it, tired of the constant provocation.

“Fuck you!” He snaps aggressively. “Fuck you, Y/N” he repeats telling me to shut up. He’s exhausted and furious about my activities last night barely holding it together. “You owe me money. You tell me to fuck off, then a year and a half later you call me crying. Chels stole from you not me. You didn’t give me a happy birthday check on me nothing. I bailed her dumbass out a year ago right, took care of it FOR YOU!” he barks not looking at the road. “Then you treat me like I ain’t shit when you can’t even pay up consistently. I could put to work everyday until its paid off but I don’t. So shut the fuck up and grow up” he finishes with flared nostrils, his dark eyes a blaze waiting for me to challenge him.

I don’t, knowing when to pick my battles, “No one put a gun to your head, you didn’t have to, if you didn’t want to” I swallow.

His jaw clenches at the truth and he doesn’t say anything else for the remainder of the drive. He opens the garage when we pull up like he’s done a thousand times when we were good. Its nostalgic and this place still feels like home when it shouldn’t. The house has a few new upgrades. It’s still immaculate and our puppy runs to me all grown up now. He heads upstairs and I follow to my old room seeing my outfit ready on a clothing rack. You look around trying not to be overwhelmed by the memories. Erik never said no when your first moved in, he was your boss and he took great care of you. Life was easy, the responsibilities were minimal. About 10% work, 10% housekeeping, 60% having fun with the girls and 20% Erik because of his demanding schedule. It was perfect.

“I’m going to be away for the next month – don’t want you out here looking desperate”

“Month is a long job”

“Don’t act like you care” he says and it’s an insult. The problem is I care too much. His jaw clenches he’s angry with me for leaving still. “Benny will be here in an hour to do your hair and make-up” he sighs stepping closer. The anger fading as he eyes my lips. It’s like he scolds himself secretly like he decides against something before surrendering to lust. We both know better.

His left hand holds my side and his right guides my head back supporting my neck as his lips kiss mine. You can’t resist the temptation and deepen the kiss. It turns him on and kisses grow more and more assertive as he tries reclaiming what’s his. You both rush to nakedness. Your eyes glance over the new keloids covering his chest. His eyes fall in self-consciousness but there’s no room for judgement as his hand traces the covered tattoo of his initials under your breasts before he takes one, kissing them both.

Straddling him your hands hold his shoulders before lowering onto his manhood as your body yearns for him. There’s no shame in taking what you want. Erik had taught you that but it’s too much to watch him, watch you ride out the waves of pleasure. Your eyes close in the rapture of pleasure holding on for better control as you contract on his manhood making his grip tighten guiding your hips in a new rhythm. No longer face to face you embrace each other breathing heavily in each other’s ears as you both begin to glow.

Erik moves from the seat to the bed peppering kisses down your back before taking you from behind. Your breaths are even more shallow as you feel his frustration, anger and resentment with every stroke.

Hate-fucking.

Its lovely. Your eyes close as your teeth sink into your bottom lip in efforts to contain the moans of pleasure threatening to escape. His ego doesn’t need further sustenance. He grabs your neck reliving you of being on all fours as he strokes to his climax filling your vigorously, recklessly, intentionally. He doesn’t lose his strength as your body goes limp, guiding you both onto the bed to lay and catch your breath.

If things were different this would only be round one of many. You’d trace the keloids on his chest, kissing them, he’d hold you, running his fingers along your back.

It wouldn’t be so empty as you get up padding to the bathroom to pee. You’d be on birth control, not having to make a mental note for a plan B. Some sweet thoughtful gesture would follow not relief when you hear him leave the room heading into the master bedroom.

You sigh turning on the shower.

He hadn’t changed a thing.

….

I sit through hair and make-up with Benny and the nostalgia is a little too much as you laugh and talk like you’re still a kept woman with no worries, that couldn’t be further from the current reality.

“Are you still writing, anything I should check out? Ideas I should run by clients? Research?” He asks invested my career and progression.

“No” I swallow, and his smile falls as he looks at my reflection.

“It’ll return Y/N. Remember, no matter what you can’t kill an artist’s talent, but practice and action make masters” he smiles a pillar of wisdom.

“Thank you, Benson,” you kiss his cheek and he nods finished. You look better than you did last night.

“Tell Bella I’ll be holding classes again; I want her to take my south-eastern slot” he reminds packing up.

“I will” you smile gutted that we can’t afford our dreams right now.

You get dressed in the teenie tiny mini dress that has a circle lace up detail on the sides, you admire the vision of 90’s video girl, glam hoochie. Twirling in the mirror you admire your look, feeling sexy again. Browsing your closet to find a high-end bag to match the outfit. You were so mad when you decided to leave, you didn’t want anything to do with Erik not even the gifts he’d purchased.

You make a pick and turn to find Erik watching you in the doorway. There’s a hint of happiness in his eyes seeing you here but there’s also a danger to him. He definitely has something up his sleeve. Besides enough nostalgia to make you reconsider being his girl again.

“You look perfect” he smiles kissing your forehead.

Taking your hand, you leave in another car and end up at a venue that you’ve never been too.  Erik holds your hand as you walk through the outdoor venue before entering private cabana’s. He stops suddenly stepping behind you so he can guide your steps forward. Your heart slows in apprehension not trusting him. Your heart races when you close in on a man that looks familiar, dark chocolate skin, and a beard. He looks up sensing us and its Trevante. You swallow feeling yourself and so does Erik.

“You really think you were gonna fuck me over this easy. Milk him and walk away from me forever?” Erik says into my ear. My blood boils as Tre looks at us confused. I try to smile.

“Erik” Tre smiles.

“Tre, this is my girl Y/N, Y/N Tre, we go way back” Erik swallows looking me over. “And were working together” Erik smiles like he’s a good guy – not the cold-hearted insufferable asshole that he is. You’re so mad you could make a scene, knowing Erik that’s just the kind of embarrassment Erik is hoping for to further bury any prospects of you and Tre.

“Hi” I manage and Erik smiles at the hoarseness of my voice.

“What you want a long island, Tre want anything?” he asks his friend.

“I’m good bro” he responds and Erik stands leaving the two of us. You look at Tre who also looks at me like I’ve done something wrong. You turn to see Erik at the bar flirting with the bartender too dizzy to know which path to take in such a fucked situation.

“I didn’t know Erik settled down” Tre comments and you look back at Erik again feeling particularly cornered.

“You work together?” you ask, and Tre looks me over before nodding his head.

“On occasion”

“Erik’s not an adversary you want to have, so stop looking at me like that.” I warn and he looks taken back. Erik returns sitting close to me and I move away despite us having company. He just fucked me only to screw me over.

“You two met last night right?”

“Bro, I didn’t know” Tre surrenders like he isn’t the multimillionaire tycoon.

“You remember at MIT all the baddest bitches in the city were mind – you think Miami is different?” Erik laughs being disrespectful on purpose as he G checks Tre who shifts uncomfortable. Satisfied with position of power Erik smiles like he’s not about to raise hell. “I told you I had the perfect girl for your VR game” Erik smiles sitting back.

I’m so confused I’m getting a headache until Tre looks me over again. His eyes study me, drinking me in. His head nods and his lips upturn into a smile before his eyes light up.

“Bro, she’s perfect” he agrees shocked.

I’m uneasy as I look at Erik he’s pissed enough to put me in a bad position. “Youre lucky I still want to fuck you or you’d be leaving here embarrassed and broke but I’m still getting break for you – remember that the next time you go out in next to nothing looking desperate and embarrassing me” Erik whispers in my ear. He’s diabolical.

“It’s a VR game” Tre smiles when he sees I’m visibly confused and uneasy. “Virtual reality, influencer culture is big right now. Our game is going to monopolize that but first I need an IT girl, a model if you will. The blueprint, someone who fits the looks of private jets and shopping sprees, the kind of girl that our players will want to be friends with and like to look at.” He explains with a smile. I look at Erik who nods.

“Obviously I need to see numbers and a contract, how much of my likeness is going to be used”

“Your face your body” Erik says.

“I’m not doing anything raunchy” you tell him, and he smiles.

“That’s all for me. You two work it out, remember I get my cut” Erik says getting up and leaving.

He’s unbelievable – you can never decide if you hate him or love him.

_____

Taglist: 

@determinednot2fall @twistedcharismaaa​ @l-auteuse​ @chaneajoyyy​ @thickemadame​ @longpause-awkwardsmile​ @klaylakayblack​ @amelatonin​ @just-juicee​ @xo-goldengirl​ @ljstraightnochaser​ @itsjustyazz​ @soufcakmistress​ @nijajoha  @iamrheaspeaks @4tprincess  @justgetitoverwith0​ @queenflaws @abeautifulmindexposed @coveredingodiv @nahimjustfeelingit-writes​@champagnesugamama​ @heavensangelxo​ @bugngiz​ @cherrystainedlipsbaby​ @tip222u​ @keiva1000​ @doublesidedscoobysnacks​ @shalynn-m​ @bakarilennox​ @tyees​ @damienwitcher 

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The Griefcast Record

Keanu got out of the taxi at Whistledown Studios and headed in. Cariad and the recoding team greeted him and they got set up with teas, biscuits and a box of tissues on the table

“God, it’s just like a therapist’s room!” he joked

“Best to be prepared! They might be for me anyhow” she laughed.

Before we start though, can I just spend a moment being a fangirl and just say how amazing it is for me to meet you. There are so many films of yours I love – and my kids adore Duke Caboom!”

“ahh yes, Canada’s Greatest Stuntman” he boomed - “that was a fun role”

“and so perfectly cast right?”

“Yeah yeah I guess. I’m glad they picked me from the roster of Canadians they had lined up!”

“Ok, so thanks for letting me just gush for a moment! Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“First tell me the story of how we managed to get you as a guest.”

“Ok so right, so errm my friend Kerry is the link. I was filming in Cornwall this past year and uh, after we wrapped I was so charmed by the place that I decided to stay and rent a place for a couple of months down there. Kerry was my landlady and one day I came across her walking along the beach, tears streaming down her face and she was listening to your show which she highly recommended to me. I admit it took a bit of persuading to listen, given the crying thing!, but she told me it was more reassuring and uplifting than upsetting. Anyway, so sorry, this is turning into a shaggy dog tale!, so I did give it a go, really loved it

“Oh thank you”

“So then one day we were discussing an episode about baby loss, something we had in common and had talked about before and she said I should do the show. Now THAT took a lot more thought and persuasion, but she said it would do me good and there would be the angle of the man’s perspective and being someone with a public profile going through loss and you know yada, yada yada so here I am, finally!

“That’s amazing and thank you so much to Kerry for listening to the show and for your persuasive talents in getting this lovely man here today. So Keanu, as you know we always start with this question. Who are we remembering today?”

“Today we’re remembering my daughter Ava who was stillborn 23 years ago this year.”

“Ok so would you mind telling me a little bit about what happened.”

“So, ahh, it was in the spring of 1999. The Matrix had just come out and my life was pretty full on. My girlfriend Jennifer became pregnant around that time. It was unplanned and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super happy about it at first, but she wanted to keep the baby and I said I’d support her, you know, and as time went on I was more excited than worried about becoming a dad.”

“And how was the pregnancy? How far along was Jennifer when Ava died?”

“Everything seemed fine, she, Ava was growing and developing normally. Jen was healthy. Then I was away filming, a god awful project as well! And, Um, ahh, give me a minute” Keanu cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

“I swore I wouldn’t do this” he said gesturing at himself tearing up, his voice cracking slightly “but sometimes, the memories can be, uhhh, very powerful, very vivid”

“Yes you can be taken right back like it just happened can’t you, however long ago - you know I’m 20 plus years out now and still very occasionally I can be catapulted back there. So, everything looked good but you were away, filming - and I’m sure it can’t have been an awful film”

Keanu snorted

“I assure you it was!, yes anyway, Jen went for a last check up at a little over 8 months and uh, there was no heartbeat. Ava had died and so I flew home and she had to, you know, give birth in a maternity unit, hearing all the other babies being born - I mean they have to do it there because you still might need, you know, that expertise and they tried to keep us private but those places they get busy and she had to go through all that with those sounds sometimes breaking through”

“Yes I hear that that is a common experience here in the UK too and one that SANDS, the still birth charity is trying to address. It’s interesting your choice of words: “she went through that”, presumably you were there so didn’t you go through it too?”

“Yeah, yeah - I guess, I just meant that it was worse, more traumatic mentally for her and obviously physically too”

“Sure sure, but awful for both of you nonetheless”

“Indeed, it was” Keanu paused a moment as though something important had just occurred to him “and she was beautiful too you know”

“awwwww” Cariad moaned sympathetically

“she was beautiful, perfect and warm, just silent, still”

Keanu looked up at Cariad, his eyes filled with tears once more and they both just sat for a moment, taking in the pain of his loss. Eventually, Cariad started the conversation again.

“And did you both hold her? Did the hospital staff help you, you know, to say goodbye to her?”

Yeah yeah, we did hold her. They left us be for a good amount of time, they took prints of her hands and feet and a photograph. You know they were supportive in that way, especially as we knew already, you know, that she had died, they were prepared. I don’t think we were, I mean I don’t think you can prepare for that, right? Your brain won’t let you, not really.”

“Yeah yeah, we talk about that a lot on the show, there are people who say it’s better when someone dies of an illness so you know it’s coming whereas with a sudden death you suffer more shock but I still think there’s a degree of shock you experience even when you have some warning.

“Yeah yeah and it’s so stupid, we’re all just so dumb because death is coming man, to us all but we just don’t want to think about it!” He chuckled

“So are you someone who thinks about death a lot?”

“Yeah yeah it’s always there in the back of my mind, spurring me on to do things, make that film, write that script, build that bike!”

“And do you think that’s because of losing Ava?”

“I don’t know, no not really, well maybe a little but that’s come more with getting older I think - I didn’t really have that reaction at the time”

“So what was your reaction, how did you grieve for Ava?”

Another chuckle came from Keanu.

“A more appropriate question might be how didn’t I grieve for her, at the time I mean!”

“Oh?”

“Hee hee you’re like a therapist, leaving the gaps for me to fill!”

“Some of my critics say I interrupt too much and start talking about me so…..”

“We’ll that’s not very nice is it? And also not true!”

“Thanks - Comes with the territory I guess, so please, go on, fill the gap”

“What was the question again?”

“It was about how you did or didn’t grieve for Ava after her birth?”

“Mmmm well we buried her, in the new year, she was born on Christmas Eve, which is uhhh, another tricky thing about it”

“Oh that’s awful, death on high days and holidays just adds another layer right?”

“Yeah yeah. They do - so um after that I went to Georgia to shoot a movie!”

“So you threw yourself into work then?”

“Yup, my trusty friend in times of crisis. In fact I did, let me see, 1, 2, 3, yes 3 movies in the next year and then started training for the Matrix 2 and 3 so I guess the answer is I put my feelings in a tightly locked metaphorical box and didn’t open it for quite some time!”

“And was there intrusion from the press , I guess this is pre the days of the internet being so developed and social media but how was that side of it?”

“Yeah there was some, you know photographers with long lenses at the cemetery”

“God! I can’t imagine”

“Yeah pretty low, right but in a way because of the taboo of stillbirth, people, you know interviewers and stuff, didn’t ask me about it. I mean I would sometimes say “no personal questions” but at other times that hasn’t stopped people.”

“Oh like what?”

“I’m thinking of when River, River Phoenix died, even if I said I wouldn’t answer anything personal they would still ask how I felt, did I miss him. I mean, fuck! Oh sorry I can swear right?”

“Swear away, sure, and god, fuck yeah, that deserved it. I mean obviously that’s a bit of a contradiction coming from me given we’re here and I’m making you talk about private things but”

“But I agreed, that’s the deal here, it’s not the deal to segue from “how was it jumping onto a moving bus to “how do you feel about your best friend dying!”

“Absolutely. So you said you dealt with it, but much later? What about Jennifer, how did she cope?”

“Umm, I don’t know - I mean what’s normal in that situation? She cried, she wailed like a wounded animal. Her mum moved in. I was away and not there to support her like I should have been. We weren’t really a couple either by then. We were going to co-parent but not as a romantic couple you know so it was complicated. To be honest I think a little bit of her died right then - and then she died herself the following April so you know, what you see before you is the last man standing of that family unit that might have been.”

“Woo that’s tough. You’ve really been through the mill as it were.”

“Yeah, yeah but you know I AM still standing. I’m lucky.”

“And how did Jennifer die?”

“Car wreck”

“I’m so sorry”

“Thanks, me too”

“So how is that, being the only one left? Some people talk about losing key people as losing their witness.”

“Yes! That’s it, exactly. Now it’s just me here to remember Ava, to remember her coming in and out of this world”

Yeah yeah that’s hard. So you said you dealt with it later? How did that come about?”

“Midlife crisis I guess - when I turned 40, I had a bit of a meltdown, you know, wondering about my goals, what I had or hadn’t achieved. I basically “ran away” alone to Paris on my 40th birthday, to escape any awful surprise party! And you know, I quietly fell apart in a vat of wine! When I went home my friend Janey was just like “Keanu, it’s time, time for therapy!”

“Ahhh it’s great isn’t it, big fans of that on the show!”

“Yeah I guess, I mean, ahhh I wasn’t that comfortable taking the lid off but yeah it did me a favour and helped sort my shit out. And a lot of the guilt and pain of losing Ava was gone through belatedly during that process”

“And why did you feel guilty?”

“Mmmm well I think I started to think I was a curse - my sister had been sick with leukemia, Ava had died, Jen had died, River, others as well and I felt guilty for that stupid film I was working on when it happened! So yeah, there were lots of rocks to lift up, inspect what lay beneath and deal with my emotions.”

“Well you seem like you have your shit sorted now”

“I’m a work in progress!”

“So now you’re, 23 years on, how do you remember Ava and Jen now.”

“Well it’s hard to forget the day for Ava what with it being Christmas Eve. I sometimes visit their graves - after dark if I can to avoid being hounded”

“What has the world come to when a person can’t be left in peace to visit a loved one’s resting place”

“Yeah it’s fucked up right?”

“Precisely.”

“And what else? , well I do have one little thing that my friend Alex who’s an artist, made for me. It was because of something she said she did to remember her lost loved ones. She would get a Christmas ornament that in some way represented the person and hang it on her tree at Christmas. So she made this beautiful little stained glass bird to hang up on my tree or in the house if I don’t have a tree which sometimes happens. So, uh, Ava’s name in Latin would mean bird or bird like so that’s why she did that, yes so I always think of her then and you know I would think about where she would be at a given point like when my friends kids have started school again after summer break I would think “oh Ava would be starting you know kindergarten or elementary school etc.”

“And do your family share in that?”

“Yeah, yeah - especially my mom. She has no grandchildren so yeah she remembers and we’ll have a moment sometimes yeah but it can be lonely, not having the other parent there who shares the same loss.”

“Yes I’m sure it is. Grief can be very lonely sometimes. Well, Keanu I really can’t thank you enough for coming on my little podcast and sharing your experience of baby loss and loss in the public spotlight with us today. Thank you so much for telling us about your beautiful baby girl Ava and her mum Jen.”

“Thanks for having me - I know this might sound weird, but it’s been a pleasure talking with you and remembering them today so, thank you and thanks to Kerry who suggested it. She said it would be good for my soul and she, as always, was right!”

@fortheloveoffanfic @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @paperplanesandwallflowers @patric9

[doof-doofblog]

"Another Time, Yeah?"

Tuesday 15th June 2021

(Part One & Part Two)

Hello again everyone, as promised I'm back with another post - 3 blog posts from me this week, that's more than I did last week!! But anyway I'm going to review everything from Tuesday's episodes in this post.  

So without further ado, I'm going to begin with mentioning Ruby. The day after her second miscarriage, Martin is surprised to learn that once again she has every intention of going to work and forgetting about the events that have occurred. Martin tries his best to convince his wife to rest for the rest of the day but as Ruby tries to explain her reasons for wanting to go to work, she notices the screen on Martin's laptop, it shows that he's been looking up options for IVF.

Understandably, Martin is trying to help in any way he can to make sure he and his wife have they family they've been longing for. However Ruby makes the valid point that it's not the getting pregnant that's the problem, it's being able to stay pregnant. Martin tries to explain that if they really want to have a family they can consider other options available, but Ruby then drops the bombshell that after everything she's gone through she really can't bring herself to go through any more trauma and loss. She informs Martin that instead of trying to fight to have a family, she's going to embrace the family she already has.

However, later Ruby is seen alone, visiting the memorial that she and Martin created for their lost baby, she gently adds another stone to commemorate the second baby she has lost. As the camera spins we see that just across the patch of grass, Jean is sat on her own but as she turns around and notices Ruby, she joins her. Jean realises exactly what's happening and speaks softly to her. Informing Jean about the decision to not try for another baby and to accept the family she has, Jean makes a very touching statement - "You know what I see? I don't see a woman who's given up, I see a woman who's grieving, and I believe there's still a lot of fight in you!" - as beautiful as those words are, it completely hits Ruby to the core and she softly begins to cry, such a moving moment.

--

The next thing I'm going to mention is Tiffany and Keegan. It's the day of their photoshoot and Tiffany is completely excited about the press and media attention. Wanting to get her name out there also, she informs Keegan that she's come up with a name for their joint business - Something along the lines of "ButcherBakerBeauty-Baps?" ... (I'm sure they'll come up with a better name eventually!) Suddenly when Tiffany sees herself in the mirror she's horrified to see that the day of their photoshoot she been graced with a spot on her chin, frantically she begins to flap, claiming that she needs to look good for their photoshoot - I have to be honest the main thought that was entering my mind at this point was "The photoshoot isn't even meant to be hers so why is she making such a fuss?" - without meaning to be mean, but I don't know I guess it just didn't sit right with me, she shouldn't be focusing on her and should be supporting her husband instead.

As Tiffany calls her friend in desperate need of some assistance, it seems that her friend manages to get someone round to do Tiffany's make-up. However when Tiffany compliments the stylist's skin, the lady informs her that she does cheat by using injections such as Botox and fillers. Realising that injecting herself with something could change her appearance to the way she wants, Tiffany urges the beautician to use the injections on her for her photoshoot - even though the beautician warns her it can be very pricey! Again, I have to be honest - as soon as I realised that Tiffany was going to ask for injections my mind just went racing - how much do you want to bet that Tiffany is going to become addicted to beauty injections?! It could be a possible new storyline for her which could end with serious consequences?

Even though she is thrilled with the end results, Tiffany is shocked to see the price she has to pay for the treatment and asks whether she can pay half now and pay the rest within in the next couple of days. Later as Keegan and Tiffany are enjoying the photoshoot - the photographer is keen on focusing on Keegan and asking him questions about his business. But when Keegan tries to turn their attention to Tiffany so she can promote her business/brand - you can see that the photographer is the least bit interested.

The next day, as everyone is gushing about the article in the newspaper about Keegan, Tiffany buys herself a newspaper hoping to see a whole page spread of herself and her husband in the newspaper. But she is visibly devastated when she realises that she hasn't even been mentioned and the whole article is about Keegan and his business. She later voices her annoyance and devastation to her friend Chloe, claiming that she has spent a fortune on injections for nothing! But worse still, how is her husband going to react when he finds out she's spending money on things she doesn't need!

Chloe then suggests that in a way to make as much money as she can so Keegan won't suspect anything is for her to flog diet pills. She claims she doesn't know how they work and has never used them but manages to sell them and get decent enough money for doing so. For a split moment I had hoped that Tiffany would know better than to sell some dodgy diet pills, but it looks as though she is very tempted. Later when she meets up with Bernie, she confides in her friend about the money she has spent on fillers to make herself look good for the photoshoot.

Of course Bernie is sympathetic towards her friends, but then suddenly Tiffany starts rummaging in her bag for something and empties out the contents of her bag, quickly Bernie notices the tubs of diet pills she's in possession of and asks where she got them from and whether they work, it's then that Bernie drops the bombshell that she needs to lose weight quickly, and Tiffany is a bit surprised by her choice of words, asking why "Quickly". It's then that finally Bernie feel able to tell someone about her plans and informs Tiffany that she's agreed to be Rainie and Stuart's surrogate, much to her best friend's shock. Tiffany warns Bernie to be careful where Rainie and Stuart are concerned because when she offered to be their surrogate she recalled that they didn't leave her alone. But Bernie is adamant that she needs the money for her family and claims that her Mum believes that she'll be getting a bonus from the call centre. Eventually she practically begs Tiff to allow her to use the diet pills, she claims she can be her guinea pig in a way and will pay her once she's made her money from the surrogacy. Tiffany looks really reluctant to do so but makes Bernie promise that she'll read the instructions before taking them.

Honestly, I fear this is going to be a massive downward spiral for the both of them. Tiffany getting hooked on beauty injections and then Bernadette getting addicted to diet pills and both making themselves ill. What do you guys think?! I'm really intrigued to hear your thoughts on this one!

--

Elsewhere on the Square, Shirley is still reeling about the news of Linda's pregnancy, she still can't understand why she wasn't told much earlier on when she arrived back in Walford. She admits to Nancy and Frankie that she feels as though her family are shutting her out. I have to say though I loved the banter between the three of them in this scene. Nancy tries to swerve the conversation from her parents sex life to Shirley's own love life and happens to point out that she hasn't been with anyone since Buster!!!

Oh my goodness, do you guys remember Buster??? It was proven that he was in fact Mick's biological Dad, which makes him Nancy and Frankie's Grandad. Hearing that Frankie has a Grandad seemed to excite the girl, but she and Nancy still continue to make fun of Shirley - claiming that for her next birthday they're going to buy her a pair of slippers and a throw as they claim it's time for her to hang up her knee-high leather boots. I do love the jip that Shirley snaps back at them, it makes the whole scene much more comical and the dynamic between them all is just brilliant!

It's then they Frankie points to Terry sat on his own and urges Shirley to ask him for a drink, at first Shirley shows no interest but after being goaded by her Granddaughters, she eventually gets the courage to approach Terry and (in not so many words) informs him that he will be buying her a drink. The one thing that completely confused me though was that Terry called himself by the name "Rocky" as he introduced himself to Shirley, can anyone explain to me why? His name is Terry right? I don't understand where the "Rocky" came from? - Unless it's similar to Callum's name - Callum "Halfway" Highway?!

Meanwhile, as Terry agrees to have a quick drink with Shirley, Sonia is at home prepping a lovely roast dinner meal for herself and her Dad to celebrate and early Father's Day. But back in the pub, as Shirley and Terry begin to chat and get to know each other, Nancy and Frankie keep showering them with drinks. As the sisters notice that they appear to be getting on, Nancy places down another drink in front of them claiming it's on the house, while Frankie sneakily changes the time on the clock.

Terry is adamant he can only stay until 1pm as he has a lunch date with Sonia, but as he looks at clock to see he still has plenty of time, he continues to drink. Unfortunately though, both Frankie and Nancy reveal to each other that instead of giving them single vodka drinks, they've been serving them triple vodka's all shift. Eventually as things get a bit loud, Nancy and Frankie realise their mistake. Shirley and Terry are both drunkenly singing along to "Come On, Eileen!" and then eventually "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)".

I have to admit, even though it was hilarious watching drunk Shirley singing along to the music and having a laugh with Terry, you do feel sorry for Sonia as you realise that Terry has accidentally stood her up for her meal. Arriving at the Vic and seeing the drunken state her Dad is in, she demands Terry to leave Walford and to never come back. Over the next day or so, Terry is desperate to make it up to his daughter and he appears to think that the only way he can do it is to roll out the red carpet in her house for her and make her a meal of her own and instead of calling it "Father's Day" makes it a "Daughter's Day".

As Sonia agrees to give him one final chance, they make it up by taking a selfie together. But when Terry leaves his phone on the table and Sonia takes a look at the picture, she begins to scroll through his phone and sees that there are other photos of houses on his phone. What could these mean? Is he planning on moving to Albert Square for good? OR is he in some kind of business where some of the local properties are going to be knocked down? Who knows?!

--

The next thing I have to mention is Kat and Phil. Kat is completely excited to learn that things are on the move where her business with Phil is concerned. Phil has confirmed that he has bought the laundrette for their business opportunity and they're just waiting for the paperwork to go through. Only her happiness doesn't seem to last for long as when she enters the café and is confronted by Sharon, it seems that Sharon warns her that anything that Phil is involved in is never legit. Although Sharon's relationship with Phil was completely different compared to Kat's relationship with him, it seems that Sharon's words fill Kat's head with doubt. Eventually she takes it upon herself to confront Phil, claiming she wants to see the paperwork to make sure everything they're doing is legit. She claims that she has already been prison once and doesn't want to end up there again, she needs to be completely certain that going into business with Phil is the right thing to do. I think people are too easy to judge Phil, they should give him a break, he informs Kat that he shouldn't listen to a word that Sharon's said and to trust him, he wants to focus on their future and having something in place for both of their children, but more importantly if she is wanting this as much as he does, then she needs to learn to trust him. I still think that if all goes well for these two, Kat and Phil could potentially be the new power couple on the Square! What do you think?!

--

Lastly, Callum is still appearing to struggle with the trauma of what happened with his partner. The one person he's been able to confide in is Whitney. After anxiously waiting to hear news about his partner's condition, he was completely relieved when Ash informs him that Fitzy's operation was a success and he should make a full recovery.

As he excitedly informs Whitney about the good news, Whitney reminds him that he should tell Ben now, considering that Fitzy is going to be okay. Callum kind of shuts that comment down and asks Whitney whether she'll accompany him to the hospital to see his partner. However, without their knowledge, Ben sees them from across the Square getting into a cab together, I have to say Ben & Callum's married life hasn't really started off well has it? They've come back from their honeymoon, Phil is still reluctant to talk to either Callum or Ben as he stills holds a grudge against Callum for going behind his back, and Callum has had to deal with the trauma of witnessing his partner being stabbed on the job.

But even though Callum maybe wants to tell Ben about his, Ben did at the start find it hard to accept Callum in the police and had the cheek to ask him to quit, but realising that he loves Callum for who he is and not is job, changes his mind and just requests that Callum never speaks about work to him. So of course, with that in mind, Callum must feel that he has no one else to talk to about recent events, which is why he has leaned on Whitney over the past couple of days. But when Ben sees them getting into that car together, you can tell he's beginning to speculate what they could be up to.

Unfortunately, after returning from seeing Fitzy in the hospital, it looks like it hasn't really helped Callum cope with it, he begins to fret and lash out claiming it was his fault that he's in hospital with wires all attached to him. Almost hurting himself on the garden gate, Whitney acknowledges that she has seen Callum this way before, and it's all down to his PTSD - (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - we know that he went through it when he was in the army, but now it appears to be resurfacing. The one thing that crossed my mind was, is Ben aware about Callum's PTSD? Has that always been a thing that Ben has known about, I'm a bit unsure?

However, it seems that Whitney is eager for Callum to inform his husband now more so than ever that what's been happening. But when Callum arrives home and Ben asks him how his day at work was, Callum lies to him once again claiming he's had a really busy day and just wants to have a shower alone. Now Ben knows that Callum is lying about being in work, so obviously he's going to be wondering what else he's lying about or not telling him. As Callum makes his way into the shower, Ben grabs his opportunity to search his rucksack and it seems he's completely stunned to find an engagement ring - of course he's going to be completely clueless and wondering why his husband has an engagement ring, but we know that before Fitzy was rushed to hospital, Fitzy gave it to Callum to give to his girlfriend.

I think Callum really needs to talk to Ben soon before he jumps to conclusions and lashes out, accusing Callum of something he's completely innocent of. Overall a good few episodes I have to say, I've really enjoyed being able to type up a couple of blogs this week, I was getting myself a little stressed out that I was so far behind and hadn't posted in a while, but again I want to thank you all for continuing to follow me and show your interest in my blog, it really means the world. Please feel free to send me any thoughts or opinions you may have on the current storylines. Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Thirty One

“They’re dead.” Neville tells Harry, voice riddled with fear and sadness. 

Any pretenses of worrying about waking Ron fly out the window, “Dead? Who's dead? What is that?” He fires off, noticing the parchment in his hand. 

“Hediwg, she came, I’m sorry Harry, I shouldn’t have opened it. You and Ron were gone and I thought maybe it was about Brimblehawk. It was marked urgent I just-” 

“Neville, who is it?” He steps closer, his eyes already glossed over. 

“I-I’m sorry. Maybe if we h-had-” he starts emotionally. 

Harry grips his shoulders and shakes him, “please.” he begs. 

“The Granger’s. They’re dead.” 

At the words Harry falls to the floor, taking Neville with him. 

He didn’t know Hugo and Jean Granger very well, but these were Hermione’s parents. They gave him his best friend. And if she ever came back nothing, nothing, would ever be the same. 

“Oh Merlin. No!” He cried out, “We should’ve done more.” He whimpered, clutching onto Neville for dear life. 

Tears were now streaking Neville’s cheeks as well, “I know Harry, I know.” He cried. 

They stayed like that for a while on the floor. Eventually, Harry calmed enough to ask about the letter Hedwig brought that held the news. 

“Bill sent it. It didn’t say much, just that they were dead and that he’d be here in the morning.” He explained, holding up the parchment. It was indeed only two sentences long, “It was five when I heard the owl, I reckon he’ll be around soon. Do his parents know about…” Neville trailed, eyeing the bed. 

The Chosen One sniffled before wiping his nose with his sleeve, “He’s seventeen now so he gets to decide if his parents know or not. Since he wasn’t exactly, you know, conscious, I owled them for him. He’d want them to know. I used Madam Pomfrey’s owl. I doubt it's as fast as Hedwig’s but it should’ve reached Devon by now.” Harry answers. 

Finally collecting himself a bit more, Harry stands up, hovering over Ron’s sleeping form. 

“He’ll lose it.” He whispered after a few minutes of silence. 

Neville soon joined his side, “I know.” 

“He’ll blame himself. If he sees Hermione again, he’ll tell her it was his fault. It’s not.” Harry says, voice becoming more strangled. 

“I know that. We all do. Hermione will too.” He responds, gripping the dark haired boy's shoulder and giving him a squeeze. 

“Dumbledore must know by now, he’s got to.” Potter said surely, turning to face Neville under his grasp. 

Neville shrugged, “I’d assume, but what difference does it make?” He said weakly. 

“I wanna know how. And I wanna know who.” He said with a fire in his eyes. 

The other boy could sense as much and made a move to ease him. The last thing anyone needed was a raging Harry and a raging Ron. “There’s something else.” Neville whispered. 

At his words, Harry instantly softened, sensing the seriousness in his tone. 

He braced himself for what was to come next. 

“It wasn’t really Hediwg that woke me up.” At this Harry’s eyes squinted in confusion as Neville sighed, “Fred and Geroge’s owl, it was the one pecking at the window. They talked to Brimblehawk, they know where that place is, with the chandelier.” 

“W-what?” He breathed, never did he think their plan would ever amount to anything, but he hoped it would. More than anything. 

“Harry, when Bill comes today we need to tell him what we know. I know before you and Ron didn’t want to start anything or were scared they’d move her, but I reckon it's now or never.” He pauses, “no matter what happens next, nothing will ever be the same.”

Slowly, but surely, Harry nodded in agreement. The Grangers were gone. It felt like the worst had happened, but he knew deep down, there was potential for worse. 

Who would be next? A Weasley? Neville? Lupin? Hermione herself? 

No. 

No. Harry was through playing this waiting game. It was time Hermione came home, or what’s left of it anyway. 

“Harry?” Neville broke his daze. 

“You’re right.” He confirmed, “I just hope Ron’s awake to help. I want Hermione back more than I think I’ve ever wanted anything, but Ron, it’s like-it’s like it's killing him.” The Boy-Who-Lived whispered. 

“We’ll get her back, Harry. We need her.” 

At this very moment Ron groaned in his sleep, head falling to his other shoulder. Instantly, Harry felt the need to pull the blanket around his best mate tighter. Let him feel protected from the real world for just a little bit longer. 

“You need to come back soon Ron.” Harry whispered low enough that Neville wouldn’t hear. 

He felt Neville’s eyes burning into his back as he watched the scene. Stepping away, Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, “you never told me where she is.” He says, voice cracking, “Hermione.” He adds. 

“Wiltshire.” He responds, “A place called Malfoy Manor.” 

Harry’s entire body erupts with chills. 

... 

It wasn’t until two hours later, around seven in the morning, that Ron began to regain consciousness. 

He opened his blue eyes, doing his best to adjust to the harsh light in the room. 

Everything around him was a blur, he moved his hand to rub at his eyes, but found it to be very weak.  After blinking a few times, it seemed to do the trick as the world became clearer. 

This was not his dormitory. 

Why the fuck was he in the hospital wing? 

“Merlin, you’re alright.” He heard Harry breathe from nearby, though he sounded underwater. 

Suddenly, everything came back to him like a rush of cold water flooding his veins. 

Birthday. Chocolate Cauldrons. Romilda Bloody Vane. Slughorn. Meade. Hermione…

“M fine.” He croaks, trying to sit up. 

Harry gently pushes his shoulders down, “I wouldn’t do that. Neville’s gone to get Madame Pomfrey to give you some potions that’ll sort you out. Though, I imagine she’ll be livid, we aren’t supposed to be here this early.” 

It’s true. Madam Pomfrey shooed him away last night, but he simply returned to his dorm, nicked his invisibility cloak, and came back. 

Neville’s presence was a bit harder to explain. 

“Since you’re technically of age, your parents didn’t have to be informed, but I owled them last night. They’ll be along soon with Bill, I reckon.” He let’s slip. 

Ron could sense his best mates unease. Not only that, but why the hell would Bill be popping in if his Mum and Dad were? Something was a little off. 

“Bill?” He questioned. 

Harry’s mouth flopped open and closed like a fish’s would, before Madame Pomfrey came to the rescue.

Well, sort of. 

“Mr. Potter! Visiting hours do not begin until eight o’clock! You and Mr. Longbottom will be dealt with accordingly after I sort out my patient here! Little regard for following rules. Just like your fathers.” She tutted the last sentence under her breath as she moved to Ron’s side, leaving a blushing Neville in her wake. 

The matron picked up a glass vile and slowly tipped the thick potion past Ron’s lips. 

“Now Mr. Weasley, the bezoar seemed to do wonders for you. Most of the poison has been flushed from your system, but there are still trace amounts present. You’ll be on a few potions the next few days to get you fit as a fiddle. You may feel tired or get aches, but any symptoms besides  those you must alert me, understand?” 

Ron just nodded in response, swallowing the terrible tasting liquid as she spoke. 

“Now how is your knee?” She asked next. 

He thought about it for a moment, but any pain within that region didn’t register, “My knee?” He questioned. 

Harry shifted uncomfortably at Ron’s ignorance, as Neville flushed a bit, seeming to have realized where this was going. 

Madame Pomfrey nodded, “yes you’ve been whining about it since last night. I did a full body scan and there’s no internal injuries to it, maybe just sore?” She thought aloud. 

“My knee.” He repeated to himself, now understanding that he was not groaning about a pain in his leg, but rather, his Mione. 

“Oh, uh,” he began nervously, but cleared his throat, “yes, it’s feeling better now, thank you.” Ron said quickly, red as his hair and avoiding both of his friends' eyes. 

“Excellent. You rest.” She then turned to look over Harry and Neville for a few moments, both squirmed under her gaze. “I’ll allow Misters Potter and Longbotton to stay. The headmaster was quite insistent that Mr. Potter be present for when your family arrives.” 

“Harry?” Ron said aloud, again, getting the feeling something bigger was going on. 

The nurse nodded, “yes. I’ve been told your parents and brothers will be joining us too. I know how the twins can be, but you must remain on bed rest, do not work yourself up.” She reiterated. 

“The twins?” Now he was really confused. He’s almost positive his Mum wouldn’t allow the two of them to see him in this state if she knew how well, weak, he was. Ron didn’t need any added troubles. 

“That’s what I said Mr. Weasley. Someone will also be waking your sister soon I’m sure. I’ve been told William will also be joining at Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore’s insistence.” 

“Did they say why?” He asked next, knowing he wouldn’t get anywhere with Harry, but maybe Madam Pomfrey knew differently. 

“No, but I’m sure your family is just concerned. The Weasley’s have always been a tight bunch.” 

And that’s true! But ever since everything happened during Christmas holiday, Mum, like Dumbledore, has been very adamant that no one draw any attention. To carry on as they were. 

Surely over half of the Weasley clan coming to Hogwarts to speak with Dumbledore would draw suspicions.

And right under Snape and Malfoys nose, no less. 

“Now I must go finish filing your report for the archives. I’ll be back soon with your hourly potion.” She walked to her office before stopping, “stay put.” Madame Pomfrey warned. 

Once she disappeared, Ron was given a second to take in Neville and Harry. Both had bloodshot eyes. Harry was biting the edge of his nails as Neville twisted a piece of parchment in his shaking hands. 

Ron was awake, he was okay, so what were they so worked up for? 

“There’s something else.” He whispered, but the pair heard. 

“Ron-“ Harry began. 

Before he could finish, the hospital wing doors flew open, revealing a mass of red hair, along with Dumbledore and McGonagall not far behind. 

“Ronnie!” His Mum cried out, racing over to his bed and giving him a hug. 

He did his best to respond, but found his limbs feeling heavy, “I’m okay Mum.” He whispered. 

Over her shoulder, he didn’t fail to notice the crowd that came in. And any doubts that something bigger was going on was all but confirmed by the looks on their faces. 

Sure, they were all relieved Ron was alright, but they were not jumping for joy like he suspected. 

Like his Mum, Ginny was crying. Something he hasn’t seen her do in years, save for Christmas. 

Bill was anxiously shifting his weight between his feet, something he got scolded for when he was younger as a nervous habit. 

His father looked solemn. They exchanged a brief nod, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to smile at his son. Not when he’d have to break his heart all over again. 

The twins weren’t laughing. They weren’t smiling. They weren’t joking. They were stiff, serious, stoic, three words he would never associate with them. 

McGonagall herself looked a little misty eyed as she fiddled with her robes’ sleeves. 

Dumbledore also had an indescribable air of sadness around him. Ron couldn’t put it into words, he could feel it. 

“It’s Hermione, isn't it.” He spoke to the room. He just knew. 

They all exchanged nervous glances, no one knew what to say. 

“Not exactly.” Dumbledore answered, stepping through the Weasley’s to be right at Ron’s bedside. “I’m glad to see you well Ronald.” 

He couldn’t help but scoff, “cheers.” 

“Ronald Billius! You ought to treat Albus with respect. We are all very happy you are alright, you should be too!” His Mum called from his fathers embrace. 

“I am.” He said softer, “but that doesn’t mean I need to be treated like a kid. I feel fine. A little tired, but I am fine. So someone now please tell me what in the bloody hell is going on.” He grunted. 

Molly again made a move to scold her son, but Dumbledore dismissed her with a wave of his hand. 

“Can’t put anything past you can we Ronald? That’s an Auror’s trait if I’ve ever come to know one.” He commented, almost like he knew that was Ron’s dream. 

Well, he probably did know somehow. This was after all Albus Dumbledore. 

“Uh thanks.” The ginger said a little impatiently. On any other day he might’ve flushed at the compliment and thanked his headmaster. Right now, he couldn’t bring himself to. 

Harry can’t let this go on any longer. He just physically cannot allow another moment to pass with Ron laying there, the truth just within arms reach. 

“The Grangers are dead.” He said it quickly and lowly. 

Though everyone, save for Ron, knew the news, all eyes still snapped to Harry in awe at his bluntness. 

Ron made a move to sit up and this time no one made a move to stop him. They simply watched as his eyes widened in a painstaking state of shock. 

“No.” Was all he managed. He couldn’t believe it. 

“Son, I’m so sorry-“ Arthur began, stepping forward. 

“You promised.” He gritted to his father. 

“Ron-“ the old man protested. 

“You promised!” He yelled, voice so riddled with anguish. “You said someone went. That they put up wards.” 

“They did son, I promise you. Someone from The Order was sent, but I’m afraid the wards weren’t casted by someone with Dumbledore’s caliber of magic. They didn’t stand a chance against her.” Mr. Weasley explained, voice almost as strained as his sons. 

“S-she?” He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt a tear drop land on his knuckles. 

“We can’t be positive, but the work matches-“ 

“Bellatrix.” Ron spat angrily. 

He didn’t need to see his father nod in confirmation to know he was right. 

“This isn’t right. None of this is right. She needs to answer for what she’s done to Hermione, to her parents!” His voice was rising again. Anger was easier than the guilt pounding its way into his chest. 

“It’s not that easy Ron, if it were-“ This time it was Bill who spoke. 

“I don’t give a bloody fuck what’s easy and what’s not! This is Hermione we’re talking about, that-that was her family. So when she comes home, she won’t even have a home to get back to! You do realize how fucking preventable this entire thing was? So far The Order has been nothing but fuck up.” He seethed. 

“I understand you’re upset Ronnie, but you know we’re doing all that can be done.” Molly interjected softly. 

“No you’re not!” He protested. 

“Oh yeah? And what have you been doing? Beating up Cormac McLaggen? Getting yourself poisoned?” Bill retorted, not liking his brother's attitude, pain or not. 

“William!” His Mum scolded. 

Ron ignored him, “you can bet your arse I’ve been doing a lot more than planning a fucking wedding!” 

This seemed to set Bill off, “don’t get pissy with me just because I have Fleur and Hermione is-“ 

Whatever he was going to say, no one would ever come to find out. 

Ron summoned all his strength and latched roughly onto one of his eldest brother's wrists. Enough to surely bruise. 

“Don’t you dare finish whatever the hell you’re about to say.” 

At this Bill relented, he knew he was out of line, but letting emotions get the better of you surely was a Weasley trait. 

“He is right Bill.” Fred broke from his place in the corner. 

Ron’s brow scrunched in confusion at his brother's words, but his curiosity only grew as he watched Fred and Harry exchange a nod. 

“What?” Bill voices exactly what Ron’s thinking. 

“I reckon Harry, Ronnie, and Neville have done more than The Order has.” Fred then turns ro McGonagall and Dumbledore, “no offense.” 

“Mr. Weasley, need I remind you that certain things are not to be brought up in the presence of others?” McGonagall scathes, eyes flicking to Neville. 

“He knows Professor.” Harry states. 

“Mr. Potter-“

“I didn’t tell him. He figured it out.” 

At this, the old woman looked relieved and maybe even a little proud. 

“He’s Hermione’s friend too.” Ron added, certainly more calm then the last time he spoke. 

“Plus, according to a letter Fred and I received a few days ago, without Neville’s help we wouldn’t know where Hermione is.” George told the room. 

At this everyone grew shocked, no one more so than Ron. 

“I-it worked?” He stuttered, not able to believe it himself. 

“We have the closest apparition point here.” Fred pulled out a piece of parchment from his pocket before handing it off to Dumbledore. 

He eyed it for a moment before realization struck, “Wiltshire?” Ron swears he hears fear in his tone. 

“I’m afraid I’ll need to be filled in.” McGonagall spoke up. 

“You and I both Minerva.” The old man agreed, though his voice faltered the slightest. 

“I think I’m the reason Hermione’s parents are dead.” Harry piped up. 

“Harry, no.” Ron shook his head, pushing himself upright. 

“He-he told her that someone would die if she spoke to me again and…” he trailed, feeling a bile rise in his throat. 

“You spoke to Hermione?” Ginny questioned. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you Professor, I just thought- we just-” Harry was growing hysterical. 

“Calm yourself Harry, you can ease my mind by explaining what instance you are referring to.” He encouraged, voice soft. 

Slowly, the Chosen One nodded, “that-that night she was taken, I collapsed, do you remember?” He asked to no one in particular, yet everyone nodded. “Well it happened again, the same night. It was him and he h-had Hermione.” He took a deep breath, “she s-spoke to me through him, it made him mad, r-really mad. He told her if she did it again someone would, someone would d-die.” Like Ron, tears found their way down his cheeks. 

“I don’t follow Mr. Potter. If this all happened at Christmas then why would he wait?” McGonagall couldn’t help but question. 

“Because it happened again. A few days ago.” 

A few gasps echoed in the empty wing. 

“Even before everything, I had my suspicions about Draco Malfoy.” He eyed Dumbledore carefully as he said this, but the old man showed little emotion. “Hermione and Ron thought I was barmy, but then Ron started seeing it too.” 

All eyes soon fell on the bed ridden boy, silently demanding an explanation. 

“Mr. Weasley?” Albus encouraged. 

“It started on the train I reckon, Malfoy, he well bumped into me and apologized. He seemed, I dunno- sorry? But for a lot more than that.” Knowing this wasn't a satisfying explanation he continued, “then he told Katie Bell Hermione was away for a family emergency so she couldn’t fulfill her prefect duties and there was just no way he’d know she was gone. We weren’t even at Hogwarts when he said it.” 

“I see.” Dumbledore said, pursing his lips. 

Ron continued anyway, “Then I had these dreams, really bizarre dreams about Malfoy telling me he knew where they were keeping Hermione. It sounds mental, but I just knew there was something more to it.” 

Harry jumped back in, “When Hermione was able to get through to me, the only thing she said was ‘Malfoy’, that’s when I knew it was more.” The dark haired boy ignored all the astound faces and pressed on, “so we broke into his dorm.” He admitted, eyeing his professors cautiously. 

Thankfully, neither had the heart to scold him at the moment, both too invested in the story. The twins even took a moment to exchange a small smirk. 

“In his room we found a picture. The picture had the same chandelier I saw on Christmas when I first felt him with Hermione.” Harry finished. 

“And I recognized the picture from being in The Prophet and Neville, he recognized the photographer's name.” Ron supplied weakly. 

All eyes then turned to the third boy, “Balthasar Bartolo Brimblehawk. He was a big-“ 

“Wartime photographer.” Bill breathed from his spot. 

Neville nodded, “yeah and he’s got a place in Diagon Alley.” Next all eyes fell on the twins.  

George cleared his throat, eyes locking with Ron, knowing his brother was unconscious when their owl arrived. “Didn’t want to talk to us, not at first anyway. We told him we were sent from The Order and he seemed interested, but not enough to let us in.” 

“Then we told him it was a favor for Augusta Longbottom’s grandson and that’s when he cracked.” Fred jumped in. 

“Don’t tell me you-“ McGonagall began, clearly ready to chasistize the boys for disclosing private information. 

“No.” Fred promised, knowing where she was going, “the second we picked up the photo and asked where it was he wrote it for us. No questions asked.” 

“I reckon he knows exactly what goes down there.” George gulped. 

The room fell silent for a moment until the crinkling of parchment cracked it. 

“So this is where Miss Granger is?” Dumbledore asked, holding up the offending piece.

Harry shrugged, “makes the most sense.” 

“Why hadn’t anyone thought of them earlier?” Ron’s cracked voice asked. 

“Estates like the Malfoy’s and the Lestrange’s are some of the wizarding world’s best kept secrets. Furthermore, we had no reason to suspect the Malfoy’s involvement, not with this anyway. Sources said they had much bigger things going on.” Dumbledore said cryptially, not willing to reveal what Severus told him at the start of term. 

And thankfully, no one questioned it, too focused on Hermione. 

“What now?” Bill asked. 

Everyone turned to the headmaster, knowing he was the one to call the shots. However, the old man's attention was fully on Ron. 

“I believe that Miss Granger has been departed from us for far too long.” Albus watched as the bed ridden ginger’s eyes glossed over. He then turned to Ginny, “Miss Wealsey, why don’t you and Mr. Longbottom make way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Bring some back for Mr. Potter too.” He suggested. 

Though they both wanted to fight to stay, they complied, knowing Dumbledore knew what he was doing, “alright. We’ll be back soon.” Ginny said, pulling Neville with her. 

“As for the rest of you Weasley’s, please join me in my office. I do believe we have a great deal of planning ahead of us, yes?” At his words, Molly let tears streak her cheeks as she let Arthur guide her to the door. 

“Minerva, please summon The Order, we shall meet tonight.” Dumbledore said as she too vacated the room. 

Leaving just Harry, Ron, and the old professor, he turned to the bed, “I hope the next time we see each other I can offer you more than just my condolences. Please rest Ronald.” 

With that, he exited the wing as his robes billowed behind him. 

Weakly, Ron attempted to call out but failed. Part of him was overwhelmed and frustrated at not being involved in the planning. This was Hermione after all. 

Another part wanted to sob in relief at the prospect of her coming back to him. Not willing to let himself dwell on her condition. 

However, he could do neither. Not when his stomach was churning terribly as the news of the Grangers death began to settle with him. 

“I promised them.” Is all he said, round, watery eyes finding Harry’s. 

The dark haired boy knew he was on the verge of hysterics. 

“I promised her parents they’d see her again. How am I ever going to-“ he allowed himself to collapse onto his best mate. 

Harry held Ron tightly. Assuring him it wasn’t his fault as he felt his body shake with sobs. 

And maybe from the emotional drain or maybe from the after effects of his poisoning, exhaustion took over as he fell asleep, still in Harry’s embrace. 

It wasn’t until Ron’s breathing evened out did the Boy-Who-Lived spoke, “and I promise you, we will bring Hermione home.”