#ik you said you were proud but you shouldn’t be

[luvrxbunny]

soft

pairing: post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: Joel wants her, and she wants him. The bumpy story of how they got together!

warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader has hair that can get in her face, smoking (weed), drinking, lots of feelings, piv, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation, kinda subby Joel at the end (lmk if i forgot anything)

wc: 10.3k (idk how that happened im sorry)

a/n: I’m pretty proud of this one. ik its long but please just give her a chance!

It started with you and Joel both high and drunk out on the porch and he looked so beautiful. There was a perpetual smile on his face, laughing and even giggling at almost everything you said, folding himself over and leaning his head on you whenever he thought something was particularly funny and you couldn't control yourself.

The next time he leaned over you waited, watching, letting him calm back down but when he went to pull off of you, you pulled his head to yours. His breathing stopped short and it scared you until he groaned into your mouth. It was so many things, it was broken, grateful, desperate but savoring and you loved it. 

He placed his hand behind your head and held you in place as he pushed his lips further into yours. It almost hurt, the way he seemed to attempt to mold your face into one, but it was so perfect. When he pulled away you were out of breath, panting in his face as he did the same. You guys continued to exchange breaths as you scrutinized every aspect of his face.

Anxiety was clawing inside your stomach as you took him in, fearing that he may never let you ever again. His soft lips parted, and you watched his tongue slide into the indent on his bottom lip. You silently hoped he could taste your remnants on them as they froze, waiting for words to spill out. Only to be interrupted by Ellie slamming the front door open. 

“Can you guys fucking keep it down?! I have school, remember? You’re the one making me go!” She shouts at you both, directing the last part at Joel who was still staring at you. You were watching Ellie as she yelled but Joel’s silence brought your gaze back to him. You shouldn’t have because you feel like that’s when it happened. You swear you could see him blocking himself off from you, like a door was shutting in his eyes. He apologized to Ellie and said it was getting late. 

Now, usually, Joel insists on you sleeping on the couch, too worried to let you go home so inebriated but that night he sent you away. It was like he broke your heart. He shattered it and forced you to place the shards in your shoes as he pushed you away, pain shooting through your whole body with every step. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night, you thought things were over with Joel, and you’d lose touch with Ellie because it would be too painful to go over there.

Your paradise was ruined.

You couldn’t believe you had read the situation so wrong. You thought- worse case- he would tell you that you’re too young, that he just can’t be with you, for whatever reason. But the look in his eyes… the way he sent you home. It felt like he didn’t even care about you anymore. 

The next day you thought you had lost your mind. You were in a terrible headspace and decided to ditch your responsibilities. You were in bed, switching between sleeping and sobbing into your pillow. You felt horrible, you looked horrible and someone was knocking incessantly at your door. They would not leave, no matter how much time passed, no matter how loud you groaned. So you wrapped your blanket around you and very angrily made your way to the door. 

“Who the fu-” Your sentence is cut short in complete and utter shock.

It was Joel. 

You let the door swing open and walk back inside. You’re already climbing back into bed as you hear him shut the door behind him. “What do you want, Joel?”

 You’re lying down, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. In the corner of your eye, you can see him just standing there, his thick arms crossed over his broad chest. Your head almost turns as you hear him take a deep breath, wishing you could see the way his chest puffs up and stretches whatever shirt he’s wearing. But you don't. He’s not someone you should be admiring like this, he’s someone you cannot be admiring like this. 

“Oh my god. Don’t just stand there you know I fucking hate that.” Your voice is so irritated, so hurt and cold but he scoffs.

Anger and embarrassment courses through you but you feel the bed dip anyway, it eases the feelings.

You can feel him right beneath your feet, so close you almost want to straighten your legs a bit more, just so you can press against him. But you don’t. 

“Okay, then don’t curse… Y'know I hate that.” His voice is painfully normal, like nothing happened, like he didn't break you. You want to laugh- or cry- at the absurdity. The thought that last night meant nothing to him, so little that he’s over here asking you things like ‘don’t curse’.

Who does he think he is? That he can treat me like shit and then ask such trivial things of me? No. Fuck him. 

“Fuck you, Joel. You’re a dick, get out.” He takes a deep breath and then is silent for a moment. You hoped and prayed that he had given up but to no avail. 

“No, honey. I’m supposed to find out why you’re not out workin’.” You scoff at him and dig yourself deeper into the blankets. “Ar- are ya sick or somethin’?” At this you turn to him, looking him dead in the eyes, asking ‘Are you fucking serious?’ but he can’t hold your gaze.

Oh! So he does remember.

You laugh humorlessly and fall back into bed where you lie in silence, for quite some time. Until his hand comes up to your ankle, resting so gently you know he’s holding it up. He’s probably still thinking over whether he should do it or not, unaware that he’s already touching you. 

“Can- Well, I- I- I know that- fuck.” He’s so angry when he says it, frustrated with himself for not having the right words.

He never knows the right thing to say, or how to convey how he feels. He’s so scared of losing you right now, but he doesn’t know how to tell you in a way that will have you asking no questions. He can’t have you asking him anything because he knows you’ll ask him things that he’s nowhere near ready to answer. “Can you just- Can you please?” 

You waited for him to say more, expecting it, but that was the end of the sentence. He wanted you to ‘just please’.

The way he says it though, you look over at him and he’s gazing into you, his eyes so piercing that you almost feel uncomfortable. It feels like he’s prying into you, willing you to open up for him to express himself without having to actually say anything to you. 

You sit up and glare back at him, softer than before but still hot with rage. “Please, what.” He shakes his head and looks away from you, into his lap instead as his hand fully settles on your ankle. He keeps huffing out breaths, like he’s going to say something but then decides against it. You’re almost irritated with the sound until he takes a breath and follows it with words. 

“You- I need for yesterday to have not happened.”

Fuck him.

You hadn’t even gotten over the first rejection, the lack of care he showed and now here he was rejecting you again. “You must- You gotta understand why it can’t happen. Why we-”

You were trying not to tremble as he rubbed his hand over his face, trying to keep himself calm in the face of the extreme stress the whole situation was putting on him. Tears were welling in your eyes as he spoke, despite you squeezing them shut to avoid this exact issue. But it hurt just as much as it did last night, maybe more. “We just can’t. Not- I need for things to go back to normal… f- for now at least…”

You’re breathing froze, eyes snapping open to look at Joel, who was still looking in his lap. His hand left your ankle to meet his other fidgeting one as you both sat in silence. You could see him peeking at you from the corner of his eye as subtly as he could as you thought over his words.

You felt like you were on a game show. Do you double down or just take what you have?

‘I need for yesterday to have not happened’

‘I need for things to go back to normal’

His words hurt.

‘F-for now at least’

But those words… made it worth it. 

You didn’t want to push him. You know how hard it must’ve been for him to even express the little bit he did. Along with that, the thought of him noticing you weren’t around and coming to check on you was making its way through your cloud of hate. 

“Y-you sent me away…” Your voice isn’t hard anymore. It isn't soft either, it was just weak. You can see Joel grimace at it, turning away from you so you couldn’t see him. “Wh- You- you always let me stay but- you just-” You stop talking, if you kept going you would’ve started sobbing again. 

“I couldn’t let you stay, honey. The- I didn’t- I don’t have enough self-control for something like that to happen an’... I’m leaving you in the guest room? No. I would’ve- had to have- I… No, I-” He breathes out in annoyance again and you yearn to comfort him. But you don’t.

He always gets too frustrated with himself, making it even harder for him to clear his head enough to say what he wants. “I wouldn’t have been able to leave you there. I would’ve had to do somethin’ and I- I don't think that’s a good idea.”

You’re not completely satisfied with the answer, you have more questions now than you did before but you managed to collect one piece of information.

Joel wants you.

It wasn’t a flat-out rejection more like a, ‘let's put a pin in that’ and you have enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t string you along. So you sniffle, put your big boy pants on as you wipe your tears, and tap Joel on the shoulder, turning his gaze to you. You take a deep breath and speak.

“Yesterday’s events are forgotten.” You say it with a light smile but you’re betrayed by one stray tear as it rushes down your face. Joel’s expression crumbles at it, in so much pain, so heartbroken at the thought that he had caused it. Despite his feelings, he nods at you and gets up. “Get ready. You’re in the fields today, darlin’.” He hits the door frame with a grateful smile before walking away to let you get changed.

Leaving you in your hopeful sadness. 

------------------------------------

Things were rocky at first. Neither of you were actually able to forget about ‘what happened’ as Joel so lovingly put it. You expected too much from him and he was still too cold toward you. For the first month, you guys were basically in an argument. It was as though the town couple, the gruff old man and the re-tamed angel, had broken up. 

Everyone knew that you were hooking up with Jared, he wouldn’t shut up about it. Joel and the townspeople had heard of his sexual conquests over and over since he arrived, before he set his sights on you.

When he first approached you, you had already gotten out of your ‘phase’ and were too captivated by Joel to entertain him for even a second. However, he was quite popular among the other town women, he was popular with women even before the outbreak so he couldn’t believe when you rejected him. Not that he was shocked, he fully did not believe you. In turn, he never stopped pursuing you… much like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

So when Joel broke you, you slipped back to how you were before him… You went to Jared. You don’t know if you were hoping he could put you back together or if you wanted him to help you cut Joel with the shards of your heart but the latter is what ended up happening. 

You wanted to cut it off with Jared the moment Joel found out. When Jared started parading around the town with you next to him as if you were genuinely interested. But you didn’t.

Instead, you kept seeing him for a few more weeks. You watched Joel avoid you like the plague, ducking out of every room you walked into, switching his jobs with people who had the worst ones just so he didn’t have to work with you. You enjoyed making him squirm, showing him that you could just move on if he’s not ready to step up. You were a highly sought-after woman, a piece of art who he wanted to keep in the garage until he found the right spot. No, you refuse. Until you came across him alone at the bar one night. 

He was obviously drunk, a beer in hand but his cheek on the table. There was a song playing that he was loosely singing along to. His other hand was in the air, waving his finger around like he was conducting an orchestra. You storm over to his booth. 

Watch him suddenly sober up and head home. Watch him suddenly remember some plans he made or something he forgot to do. Watch him just get up and leave me again. 

You sit down across from him and wait for him to notice you. You’re just watching him. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows furrow as he tries to hit each high note. He’s failing, not hitting them perfectly but still getting to an impressive pitch. It’s too endearing to see him like this, so open, unburdened.

You didn’t even know he could sing this well. Your anger and bitterness fades for the first time in weeks. Your head tilts and a soft smile invades your face, as if sensing this Joel finally opens his eyes. 

They’re so soft, probably because he thought he was alone, his guard is dropped. You’re waiting for them to go back up at the sight of you. But they stay so soft as he gasps gently. “Honey! Wha- When did you get ‘ere” His voice is softer too… not as rough and gruff as it usually is. 

He also doesn’t sound angry. After all he’s done to avoid you, you’d expect him to sound angry. You chalk it up to the alcohol. 

“I’ve been here. You just never noticed.” When your voice reaches Joel it's gentle, like how you’d speak to a child but not patronizing. He likes it. He swears he can feel your voice washing over him, running through his hair and caressing his cheek. He smiles at it, at you as a blush rises to his cheeks. 

“S-so you-” He looks down at the table, his eyes moving back and forth as he thinks. “Did you hear m-” You can’t help the laugh that slips out. Your hand comes up to cover your mouth but you’re still obviously smiling. “Oh.” That’s all he says as you let your laughs out. 

“I���m- Not laughing at you, Joel. I- I swear.” Laughs break up your sentence as Joel stares at the table. “Oh- I’m so sorry. God. You really didn’t notice me here! That’s what was so funny not your singing I swear.” You let out a little giggle at the end but Joel is frowning. 

“This s’why I don’ sing in front of no one.” He’s picking at the wood and grumbling to himself. You’d find it all incredibly annoying if it wasn’t Joel doing it. 

“Joel.” You’re stern but still gentle as you speak. “I told you it wasn’t your singing. The singing was great. I was so fucking impressed. I had no clue you could even sing like that.” You watch a smile creep onto his face as you praise his talent. He’s still looking at the table, wanting to stay angry but he can’t. Your smile widens the longer you watch him until he takes a swig of his beer. 

“Why are you so drunk?”

The words tumble out before you can stop them and Joel pauses mid-sip. He’s frozen like that before slamming it onto the table and looking at you. “ ‘M not drunk. ‘M not. But if I was…” He squints his eyes at you. “If I was- It’s probably cos the girl I want seems to want someone else.”

It feels like everything in the bar stops. Your breathing, your heart, the music, time, the world. Everything just stops. 

He got this drunk… over me?

He chuckles and finishes his beer as you sit there in shock. “Dunno why you’re doin’ all this. I know you knew. Jus’ thought-” He goes to take another sip and whines when there’s nothing. “Stupid fuckin-” He throws it across the room, astonishingly making it into the trash with a small mumble of ‘swish’. 

“Joel.” He turns back to you with a blank expression. “You never told me you liked me.” 

“Oh please.” His voice is mean, a bit sharp now. Your face contorts into one of disgust as he speaks. “You ain’t that dumb, honey. It was very heavily implied an’ you know it.” Your expression drops into a frown. His voice broke at the end, followed by a sniff and an aggressive rub from his sleeve over his nose. “B-but you’re still out there with fuckin’ Jared.” His voice shakes through the sentence, adding some anger at the end as you cringe at the sound of his name. You both were aware you didn’t have any honest feelings for Jared.

“Joel. You told me to pretend that… that night.” You look away from him, embarrassed at what should be a sweet memory. “You told me to pretend it never happened and then treated me like shit for no reason afterward. Certainly, you didn’t expect me to sit in that. There’s no way you thought I would tolerate it! So yeah, I went to get whatever affection I could, elsewhere since my best and main source ran fucking dry.” You can feel your anger towards him building back up as you speak, reliving the details of your guys’ downfall. It still hurt. 

“Certainly you didn’t- Why do you talk so damn proper?” He’s laughing to himself at his rendition of your voice but you’re nowhere near amused. You stand from your seat and look down at him, stopping his laughter instantly.

“Okay. Let’s talk about this when you’re sober, hmm? When you can be an adult? Stay on topic at least?” His brows furrow and his eyes leave yours. You stand there, waiting for him to respond but get nothing. “Cool, Joel. I’ll see you around then.” You sigh and turn away from him, disappointed.

The night had started so well, that you stupidly believed that you guys might be able to save your relationship. You should’ve known he was too drunk for the conversation but he shouldn’t have brought it up. If he knew he wouldn’t be able to have a serious conversation he shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. Now you’re both hurting all over again. He’s probably gonna grab another drink and you’re probably gonna go see Jared. 

“Please!” It’s frantic, desperate, and unsteady as it shoots out of his mouth. You freeze in your spot, halfway to the door and halfway from him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna talk about it. Why fuckin’ would I? It hurts. You fuckin’— You hurt me… prancing around with that piece of shit- All I did was ask you to wait… just wait- for me to be ready to love you.”

You’re still standing in the middle of the room, facing the door. His voice was getting louder, closer as he spoke but you don’t turn. You could hear the emotion bleeding into his words, breaking his voice as he approached you. 

“But you- You couldn’t even wait for me! No. No, you had to go get— ah how’d ya put it? Affection elsewhere- fuck off. You coulda just said you needed something from me. I could’ve given you affection.” His voice softened after cursing at you. It only grows softer as he speaks. You can feel him behind you, maybe a few steps away but you don’t turn.

You don’t wanna see him, lose your edge, your nerve. “I- I would’ve given it to you if I knew, darlin’. I was tryna keep my distance, waitin’ for you to get over me and look! You did. I- I just wish you had told me, instead of havin’ t’hear it from fuckin’— fuckin’ Jared.”

His voice dies down for a moment and you turn around. His hair is everywhere, he must’ve been running his hands through it as he spoke. His eyes aren’t teary but they look like he could cry at any moment, he looks tired and his lips are bitten red.

“I would’ve understood. Or- Or maybe I wouldn’t’ve I dunno. I just wish you woulda said somethi-”

You’re kissing him.

Fuck.

You are kissing him. You didn't mean to. You have no clue how your lips got to his but they’re all over them. He’s groaning at you, pulling you in as you pull away.

“Fuck! I’ve got to stop doing that… jesus.” You’re looking at the ground as you wipe his slobber off your mouth. He’s silent, panting as he just stands there and your heart starts to race. 

It’s just like last time. Fuck. Why the fuck do I keep doing this shit.

Tears are already welling in your eyes and you decide to speak before he can send you away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that… I know you need time or whatever.” You pause, giving him room to say anything but he doesn't. You want to look up at him, see what he’s thinking, how he’s reacting. But you don’t. 

“Yeah… I’m gonna go.” You turn around and finish your walk to the exit. You grab the handle and stop. “I- I’m gonna cut things off with Jared…” You stay silent for a bit, trying to decide whether you should say your next words.  “I do need your affection though, Joel.” You rushed out the door after that.  

------------------------------------

You just want to fuck him already. It’s been months now, of this back and forth. To be clear, you do still want him romantically, how could you not? This man, when his hair is fluffy and soft just like him. When you see his expression now light up when you walk into the room. When he builds you little trinkets in the shop, instead of doing the job he was assigned to. When he makes your favorite for dinner after finding out that you’re having a bad day. When he plans movie nights featuring your favorites that he could find on DVD. 

How could you not love him?

It scares you. The “situation-ship” you both were currently in started a few months ago. Actually… It started exactly four months and three weeks ago. There’s no point in pretending you haven’t kept track. Joel told you that he needed time. You would have never expected it to be this much time but you’ve grown to love and crave him over the months.

He listened to what you said at the bar that night. He’s been giving you so much affection it’s actually making the other women in the community quite jealous of you. He hasn’t kissed you yet but he kisses your cheek, your forehead, and- when he’s drunk or high enough- your neck. You don’t kiss him anymore. You’ve kissed his cheek a few times over the months, his head once when he was sick but other than that you try to keep to yourself. You’re still a bit traumatized from his first rejection, the way it played out, and everything. You’d rather just not risk it.  

You’re in the garden and he’s in the field. You’re planting flowers, pulling and re-planting vegetables while Joel is harvesting the wheat he planted four months ago and tilling the land for the new seeds. You keep looking over at him, you really can’t help it at this point. 

The sun is shining through his hair, making it a dark golden color with streaks of white running through it. His arms are smudged from handling the dirt all day and his biceps flex repeatedly as he picks the kernels off of the wheat and throws them into his basket. His eyebrows are creased and his eyes squinted to avoid the burning light of the sun and he keeps looking over at you. He really can’t help it at this point. 

You look so beautiful, sitting on your knees with your adorably mismatched gardening gloves. Your hair falls so angelically every time you lean forward to lead a new plant to its home. Every time you sit back up you use the back of your wrist to try and shove the hair from your face, sputtering out, trying to blow the hair away and it's so endearing. Your arms are dirty and he feels the incredibly odd urge to bathe you. He’s ready to love you. He’s so fucking ready but he has no clue— not even the slightest— as to how he should tell you. 

The current supervisor calls it a day and you almost fall face-first into the plants in your scramble to get to Joel. He’s taking off his gloves, flexing and stretching his fingers when he sees you rushing toward him with a huge smile he can’t help but mirror. “Hey, darlin’. You look so beautiful today.”

You freeze where you stand which luckily isn’t too far from Joel. He makes his way over to you, watching your expression. He loves it so much, he doesn’t understand how he never noticed it before. The way you always take a deep, shaking breath, your eyebrows go inward and you give him this look. He doesn’t understand it yet but it always makes him ache for you, makes him burn somewhere in the depths of his being to just be with you. He doesn’t know how long he can resist it. He doesn't want to. He doesn’t.

“I’m- I think I really- I just really wanna kiss you.” You snap out of your daze and your eyes focus on him, hopeful for a moment then a little dull. You turn your head, give him your cheek, close your eyes, and wait for the gentle kiss but nothing happens. You slowly open your eyes and look at him, he looks scared. “I wanna kiss you.”

You can hear your heart speed up, your breaths getting shorter and your thoughts more jumbled.

He wants to kiss me?

You’re confused for a moment, not understanding what brought this on. You’re eyes slip from his contact as you lose yourself in your thoughts, not realizing the silence you’re creating or the anxiety you’re causing. But Joel realizes, he’s sweating more than he has all day as he waits for you to say something, do something. He shifts his weight from foot to foot before giving up. “We don’t have to… I just- I wanted to…” He tries and fails to keep the sadness out of his voice.

His words strike fear in you and you reach out to grip his arm, hoping it’s enough to stop him from walking away. “Y-You wanna kiss me? On the… on the lips?” He’s surprised by your voice, it sounds far away, loose, and airy.

“I do.” It comes out with no hesitation, no stutters, no pause. You take a step closer to him and his expression twitches, his chest beginning to heave with anticipation. 

“I would really love that, Joel.” You’re staring up at him now, as best you can in the sun. You’re looking into his eyes, an excited, mischievous glint in your eyes, challenging him, daring him to do something. And he loses his nerve. 

“Oh! Okay. Thats… Thats good. I- I want you to come over later, alright? I’ll get us some weed and alcohol. You don’t need to bring snacks or nothin’ either jus- jus bring yourself, alright? Okay, see you then.” And with that, he walked off. His cheeks were absolutely burning. He couldn’t believe himself 

‘That's good’? What the fuck is wrong with you, Miller? Leaving that darlin’ girl standing in the sun like that? It just ain’t right, she’s so sweet on you and you fuckin’ know it. I gotta stop doin’ this to her…

You’re watching Joel walk away. A bit stunned by the whole interaction, confusion, and questions swarm your head the whole walk home. They stick with you in the shower and as you get ready to head over to Joel’s. They accompany you on the whole walkover as well.

Maybe he wants me to do something… I know people like it rough, so maybe he wants me to take charge? He doesn’t really seem the type. Does this mean he wants me now? Will he kiss me tonight? Is that why he invited me over? Are we gonna have sex? Oh god, I hope so. I’d treat him so well- or maybe I wouldn’t since everyone likes it rough. 

You’ve reached his block when you’re stopped by Susan; Joel’s biggest admirer. She places herself in front of you, blocking your path and forcing you to talk to her.  “Oh, he’s not in, hun.”

You take a calming breath and try not to roll your eyes at her. “Okay… Well, I’m gonna check, just in case.” You turn your steps and try to make your way around her only for her to place herself right back in your way. 

“I’m gonna be honest I- I don’ really get this whole thing with you an’ him. I just- I guess I don’ really see it… Do ya’ know what I mean?” You glare at her, ignoring her statement and waiting for her to just get out of your way. “I mean…” She steps closer to you. “I remember when you first got here…” 

You can feel shame and embarrassment curl in your stomach at the mention of your arrival. You weren’t in the best place, mentally, and you did a lot- a lot- of things that you wished you hadn’t, lots of men you wished you hadn’t. “Don’t be an ass, Susan.” She backs away from you, a sinister smile on her face and her hands in the air. 

“Hey! I’m” She laughs. “I’m jus sayin’... You were interested in a lot of different guys!” You start walking, refusing to listen to what she has to say. But the psycho bitch follows you. “I mean are you even sure that it’s him that you want? Weren’t you with Jared just a few months ago? I mean…” 

You’re speed-walking to Joel’s now. You’re only a house away when she hops in front of you again. “Hun! I told you he ain’t home! I’m just-” She sighs and lowers her head as you crane your neck, hoping and praying Joel had made his way to the porch by now. But he hasn’t. “If you just want a man I can set you up with some of my friends! Some people who are… Gosh! How do I say this without bein’ rude? Some people who are more in your… lane… league?” Your head whips back at her, fury raging in your eyes at her audacity. 

“Excuse me?” You question, low and threatening. “Well. Hun, c’mon now, don’t get all bent outta shape, I mean well! You and I both know Joel is too… hmm, well. He’s too good for you I guess.” You’re not staring at her, you’ve turned your head to the patch of sky you can see through the trees beside you, choosing to count the stars instead of listening to this shit. 

“I’d strongly disagree.” You can hear her gasp and spin around as a smile spreads over your face.

Joel. 

“Oh! I- I thought you weren’t home, sugar.” She tries to lean into him but he walks around her and grabs your arm, pulling you past her with a mumble of “Yeah. I know.”, ending the conversation. 

Joel doesn’t speak until he’s gotten you inside. “I dunno why you listen to that woman. She spews nothin’ but garbage.” You watch him dart from cupboard to cupboard to retrieve his lighter and a little joint you can tell he rolled because it’s dented in the middle. “She’s always saying some dumb shit. I fuckin’ hate it.” 

His eyebrows are furrowed and his face is hard as he lights it up. You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen him so angry. You watch the tension fall from his shoulders, his face relaxing as he inhales. You take your shoes off, still watching him as a small smile spreads over his face and he exhales. “Are you gonna share Joel?” You ask as he goes in for another hit. 

“Hey-  Be nice darlin’, it’s mine after all.” He teases while handing it to you. You push yourself up onto the counter, sitting next to where he’s leaning as you take a drag. 

“Yours schmours, you’ll be fine.” He giggles— giggles— at your statement, his hand coming up to cover his smile as he laughs. All you can see are his pretty brown eyes, the creases around them, and the way they almost shut while he laughs. You feel your heart race, bringing along that urge that has gotten you in trouble many times over. Your eyes flicker to his lips and you immediately avert your gaze, taking another hit to try and calm yourself. 

You wait for him to come back up from his designated, folded, laughing position and hold the joint out for him. You snort at the misshapen stick, causing you to choke on the smoke you were holding. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what you get for laughing. Mhm.” You’re coughing up a lung as he says this, making the situation worse because you cannot stop laughing at him. He continues his remarks after taking a hit, you’re still choking and laughing, and you hold an arm out to him. 

“Joel-” You cough. “Joel-” You laugh. “Joel, stop it. I’m- oh fuck.” You start coughing again in a way that has Joel turning to face you, amusement and a bit of concern on his face. “Oh my god, stop. I’m gonna die, don’t make me laugh- oh my god.” 

He’s beaming at you, proud that you find him so funny and the high really hitting him. You can tell, his eyes are a bit hazy and his eyebrows are raised for some reason. He walks towards you when your fit dies down, pushing himself between your legs with a dazed look on his face. He’s just staring at your thighs for a moment, his head turning from left to right so he can look at both of them before looking up at you. Your heart is thrumming out of your chest as you try to keep your expression neutral, maybe a bit inquisitive. He stares at your lips for a bit before you see his hand raising with the joint. He brings it to your lips and looks back up at your eyes, his eyebrows jump, prompting you to inhale. 

You take a long hit, trying to get as much smoke as you can, hoping it will calm you down. His eyes stay on yours, darkening as his breathing becomes a bit shallow. He pulls the joint away from your lips and puts it out right onto the counter before bringing his hand up to your cheek.

You haven’t exhaled yet, savoring the hit while he slowly brings your face to his. You’re watching his eyes, still on yours as he pulls you in. You begin to exhale, not wanting to hold the smoke in if he’s going to kiss you. That’s when he pushes your lips together. You try not to choke as he sucks the smoke out of your mouth and pulls away. You’re in a stupor as he grins at you and breathes your smoke out, re-lighting the fire in the pit of your stomach, the one that always seems to flare whenever he’s around.

“What’d ya think of that, huh? Good kiss or?” He’s wearing a smirk but his eyes are uncertain at your silence. You keep it up, not saying anything, just pulling him back in and smashing your lips into his. He accepts your kiss with a grunt from the force of it as his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in. 

You’re gripping his hair like it's your lifeline, gripping his face like it’ll fall apart otherwise, it hurts a little but he’s fond of your eagerness. Your hands slide onto his shoulders and you dig your fingers into his skin brutally, pulling a wince from him. He separates your lips and strokes over your cheek with his thumb, admiring you. It's a soft, tender moment until you yank him by his belt loops, crashing him against the counter painfully to whisper in his ear. “I want you, Joel”

He smiles at this and kisses you again as you undo his belt. You remove it from the loops and let it drop to the ground so you can get to work on his button and zipper. You feel his lips stutter against yours and he pulls away, confused. “Not- not here, darlin’. ‘M not gonna do this in the kitchen.” He sounds a bit confused as he grips your hips and lifts you off of the counter and back onto the floor. They come back up to cradle your face again as he places a quick, soft kiss on your lips. “ ‘M gonna make love to you in my room, on my bed, baby.”

Make love..?

Confusion flows through your mind but you go along with him, assuming it’s just some outdated terminology. “Yeah? You gonna fuck me in your bed, Joel?” He is so shocked by your response. He doesn’t understand why you’re being so aggressive about it. He’s trying to be gentle, and loving but you seem to reject it. He gives you a brief but genuine smile before leading you to his room,

Your heart is racing as you follow Joel to his bedroom. This would be the first time you’ll be having sex with someone you care about, someone you love. You wondered if it would feel any different when he was shattering your hips with his own, would there still be that soft look of adoration in his eyes? You don’t see how the two could go together. 

You get to his room and he shuts the door quietly. “Can you stay still, honey?” He rolled his sleeves up, only halfway, showing off his thick forearms. He’s circling you as he questions you, holding eye contact and stopping in front of you. “I- I wanna undress you.”

Your throat feels like it’s closed. 

Undress me? Why would he want to- That doesn’t seem very time-efficient… Oh, but look at him. 

His eyes are silently and subconsciously begging you to let him. You let him. 

He takes a deep breath and his eyes rake down your body the moment you nod at him. He grabs your hips, pulling you to him with a boyish grin before running his fingers along the hem of your shirt. They tickle your skin softly as he brings them up, bunching the fabric before pulling it over your head. He looks right into your eyes as he does this. That soft look digs into your chest, it feels like you may explode. 

He only breaks away from your gaze to throw your shirt on a chair in the corner. He brings his empty hand to cup your cheek, stroking his thumb across your skin as a sort of apology for diverting his attention. He looks back at you with a smile so gentle you may melt. 

Your knees almost give out when he unbuttons your pants, he sticks his thumbs in the back of your waistband, leaning into you. He’s so close. He’s so close. He’s smirking like he knows you want to kiss him. He leans forward, licking his lips before abruptly ducking down, pulling your pants with him. 

You let out a surprised squeal that has him smiling up at you. Your hand comes up to bury itself in his hair before you realize it. You admire the softness of it, how fluffy it is. His eyes droop, getting a foggy, clouded look in them as he stares up at you. 

Make it good for him. Everyone likes it rough. 

You pull it, much harder than necessary, and watch his eyebrows crease in what you assume is arousal as he grunts again. He lifts from his kneeling position and kisses you, a little harder than he did before. 

His hands were running down your back, cupping your ass, and then stroking down your thighs. He’s breathing heavily against your face as his hands squeeze your inner thigh. They roam all over your body but never go where you want them, where you need them. 

“Okay, Joel. Enough I need you. I- I need you.” He smiles underneath his bitten lip as you push him away and gesture to his entire body. “Take them off… Off!” 

You’re basically ripping your undergarments off and running to him, unbuttoning his shirt for him as he takes off his pants. The moment your hands push his shirt open he’s kissing you instead. He walks you both onto the bed, tripping over his pants with a giggle before landing safely on the covers. You waste no time in climbing over him, whining out when his cock rubs along your soaked pussy. He lifts himself to try and kiss you but you’re not looking at him. You’re trying to push his dick into your soaking, aching pussy. 

“Shit- Damn. Fuck, honey.” He slams himself back onto the bed, his hands tighten around your hips as you position your legs beneath you and slam your hips onto him. It fucking burns. You’re wet and wanting but he’s huge, the stretch of his fat cock burns inside you as his tip jams itself into your cervix painfully. You bit off more than you can chew. Joel is grunting harshly beneath you so you power through, attempting to hide your grimace as you let out half-honest moans. 

“Fuck- No. No, no, stop, baby.” His hands force you down and hold you there, rendering you immobile as he sits up. You’re watching his abs clench as he sits up with no assistance but his pure muscle, your eyes only move to his face when he clears his throat. 

You’re embarrassed now, under the impression that you’ve done something wrong, something he didn’t like. You wouldn’t know what to do if that were the case… You were doing what you normally do… You don't know any special moves or anything like that. “Did- You didn’t like it..?”

You ask as timidly as possible, hoping he could hear it and would be gentle. 

“I- I mean I guess but it’s not what I want.” Confusion and a bit of anger flares inside you. How were you supposed to know what he wanted? 

“Okay well, what do you want then, Joel?” His brows furrow and he brings a hand up to caress your face again. 

“I want to make love to you. I told you that.”

There’s that fucking term again. 

“I don’t know what that means, Joel! Isn’t it the same as fucking? I don’t get it.” His brows unfurrow instantly, becoming soft and a bit upturned in what seemed to be concern. And to add insult to injury… you can feel him softening inside you. 

“What do you mean?” His voice is much softer than yours, but it frustrates you. You struggle not to roll your eyes at him. 

“I do not know what that means. I do not understand.” You talk slower than necessary, not actually explaining anything. You’re being a brat.

He tilts his head at you, giving a gut-wrenching, disappointed look. He kisses your cheeks and tells you to be nice, that he’s just trying to understand you.

“No… It’s not the same as fuckin’. It’s gentle and lovin’. It’s me takin’ my time with you, gettin’ you to open up for me.” You can feel his dick filling back up, stretching you out beautifully.

“It’s me learnin’ about what you like, showin’ you what I think you’d like, and getting you to cum around me and for me as long as I can. It’s more focused on- on love rather than lust.” He sighs quietly. “I’m- I’m bettin’ you’ve never had that though…” 

You hear sadness leak into his voice as he ends his sentence, watching you avert your gaze. He watches frustration and shame creep onto your face. “So what? I don’t even- I don’t think I even like it that way. Slow? It already takes me long enough to cum… I don’t need to be here for hours on end, Joel.”

He shakes his head at you sadly. “You would like it, baby.” He has one hand back on your hip as the other spreads out, his large hand spread over your back as he slowly flips you both over, resting you on the bed softly. “I- fuck, I know you’d love it, honey.”

His words resonate deep in your core, bringing a new wave of wetness to run over his cock. “Oh-” His hips stutter into yours as though he could feel the extra cream flowing over his dick. “Yeah, oh you’d- I think you’ll like it, darlin’”

He places you on the bed and finishes talking before kissing you and raising to straighten himself out. His hips thrust slowly into yours and fuck does it feel good. I mean of course it does, Joel is towing over you like a Greek god and his cock is sliding within your walls smoothly, stimulating every nerve it comes across. You start to buck your hips, impatient with the slow build of the pleasure. You wanted something explosive, something that will leave you heaving for breath and you cannot comprehend how you could possibly get there like this. 

Joel smiles, shakes his head at your agitation, and presses his hands down onto your sporadic hips, forcing them to stay on the bed. “No. Softly, baby. Be gentle with me, c’mon.” He continues his rhythm before, rocking into you with breathless pants. Your pleasure felt just out of reach and it was insanely maddening. “Calm down.” He tells you in a low, warning tone. You swear he can read your mind. 

“Tell me.” He leans down so his lips are right by your ear. He places a kiss on your temple and looks down at where the two of you connect, shoving his hair in your face. “Do you like this?” He keeps at his regular pace, the frustrating, agitating, insanely maddening pace. “Or… Do you-” He lets out a shuddering sigh right next to your ear, your eyes nearly rolling back at the faint sound. “Or do you like this?”

His pace changes into something indescribable. His hips are swiveling into yours and hitting eighteen different pleasure points at once. Your arms come up to grip his biceps, one instantly sliding down to his lower back to encourage him to keep it up.

“Oh-” You sound shocked and out of breath. “Oh. I like that one, Joel. This one. I like this one- please” His pace speeds up and he moans at the sound of your whimper. His attention is finally pulled from where you both meet and he’s looking right into your eyes.

This man and his fucking eye contact. 

It’s doing something to you… the way he’s looking at you. It’s burning into your stomach and has you clenching around him, pulling another ragged, angelic moan from his lips, hitting your lips directly due to his position. You lean up and kiss him as much as you can, most of your brain had shut off the moment he flipped you both over. 

He was hitting so deep inside you, a whole section that you didn't know existed. His cock is slowly sliding over every ridge in your pussy, his veins stimulating your sensitive walls. “Joel-” 

It slips out like a whimper as your moans release. You’re suddenly on 100% volume, unable to hold anything in. You never learned how. You thought you just didn’t moan against your own will, never having been in enough pleasure to let out authentic moans. 

Your hand comes from his lower back to slap over your mouth, desperately trying to hold all your noises in but Joel rips it away. “Don’t do- fuck you feel so fuckin’ good-“ His voice is shaking and breathless.

“Fuck, don’ cover up your- your moans, please. Fuck I wanna hear ‘em” He intertwines your fingers with his and holds your hand next to your head. He straightens himself as much as he can while keeping your fingers interlocked so he can grind into you more deliberately. He’s angling himself a million different ways until you convulse onto yourself. You try to hold in a scream as he fucks into… something. It’s almost painful, the way pleasure punches through your body with every thrust. 

“Yeah?- God fuckin’ dammit."

His hips stutter as you involuntarily suffocate his dick in your pussy. “Fuck- Is that it? Your special spot, honey? I got it dead on, huh?” He’s wearing an irritatingly calm smirk as he teases you. You, on the other hand, can barely breathe.

You’re clawing at anything you can get a hold of, his arms, the back of his neck, his back. You feel like you could cry- or throw up at the otherworldly pleasure Joel is forcing onto you. Your mouth is perpetually open, spewing out moans every other second. Your eyes keep rolling back into your head despite your attempts to look at Joel. You can’t even wrangle together enough thoughts to coherently explain how good it feels, how good he’s making you feel. “Jo- Joel. F-” You’re cut off with a whine as he pushes himself into you more forcefully.

“Joey, please- You’re right it’s s’much better. Shit- Joel!-” You let out a more devastating moan than you have all night, causing Joel to groan out in response. Your eyes open to look at him and he’s staring right at you, his eyes are something you’ve never seen, they’re dark and threatening, like a lion stalking its prey. But in this situation the lion is in love with the gazelle, it’s evident in his eyes, all over his face as he moans for you. 

“Of course ‘m r- right- Fuck, you’ve really got no clue how- how fuckin’-” His statement melts into a whimpering moan as he bends back down to moan into your ear. “You feel fuckin’ heavenly, darlin’.”

It creeps up on you out of fucking nowhere. A moan rips through your chest and destroying throat as you cum around him, his words pushing you to the edge. “Oh fu-uck. Yeah? S’that good, baby? Fuckin’- fuckin’ c-cumming all over my cock with no warning, love? Oh fuck me you’re s-so good, sweetheart.” 

His words fuel your world-demolishing, soul-shattering, mind fucking-ly amazing orgasm. You can feel the pleasure coursing through your veins like molten gold. Your entire body is vibrating, you’re lifting off the bed into an ethereal plane as Joel keeps thrusting into you, moaning soft praises in your ear as you gush all over his cock.

Your eyes are permanently in the back of your skull as your hand runs frantically all over his body, trying to find something to ground you, to keep you from flying away on the cloud of pleasure Joel was providing for you. 

He slows his thrusts in favor of you. Your moans had begun to get a bit desperate, all over the place, feverish and distraught as your pleasure bubbled over into overstimulation. Joel is kissing your neck softly, whispering even more soft words laced with love as your soul returns to your body with a broken whine of his name. He pulls his face out of your neck with a smile, his hips still thrusting into you slowly, just toeing the line of overstimulation. It has you losing your mind. You’re writhing against him as he smirks at you. “Do you want more? I can keep going, baby. I’ll go slow, soft, just like this.” 

He gets a bit breathy at the end, his free hand comes up to cup your face as the one holding yours tenses for a moment. His head drops onto your shoulder as most of his body collapses onto you.

He’s still thrusting into you gently as he groans out against your neck. “Fuck me. You’re turning me into a fuckin’ teenager again.” He grunts out a whine into your skin. “Can’t fuckin’ control shit. O-oh I wanna make you cum again, sweetheart.” His hips speed up as he rambles to you. You lean away from him a bit, forcing his head from your shoulder, and turn to look at him. 

He looks so wrecked. His lips are trembling, glossy, and red from all his biting. You didn't even notice. His eyes are on yours but they regularly lose focus, rolling into his head with a groan. “You’re makin’ me feel so fucking good, love. I just want you to feel as good- I wanna make you cum again.” He sounds more desperate than you could’ve ever imagined, your hand slides up the back of his neck and buries itself in his hair, scratching at his scalp softly, causing his eyes to cross lightly as he moans against you, hips stuttering. “Let me. Let me, let me. Let me pl-lease”

His unabashed begging has you clenching around him erratically, pulling a ruined groan from his lips. “M-make me cum again, Joel. C’mon, baby. I want-” He’s already moaning into your mouth as you speak, his hips fucking into you unsteadily. You’re already close from the intensity of the moment, Joel’s hand cradling your face, your hand in his hair. His head is resting against yours, forehead to forehead but his eyes are still open, piercing your soul and your heart with the love that's residing in them, it has your pussy clenching around him desperately. He’s moaning out shamelessly, loudly, and right into your face, into your mouth. 

“I’m gonna- I need you to c-cum. Holy sh-” You cut him off with a wet, searing kiss that’s mostly groans and whines into the mouth of the other. Your hips lift off the bed to buck into him softly, grinding your clit into the patch of curls that rests on his pelvis. He’s smiling at your movements, the contrast in how they were when he started with you.

“Y-yeah. Good, baby. Soft. Just l-like that, sweetheart. You’re so fuckin’ pure.” His eyes roll back into his head as your pussy begins to flutter around him. You can feel it this time, building inside you. The coil in your stomach tightens as you feel the angelic feeling inch back into your veins. Your hands grip his hair more desperately, pulling his ear to your lips as your orgasm begins to spill over. 

“I’m- I’m cumming, Joey.” You’re voice stabs into him. The high-pitched and desperate, shocked innocence in it has him twitching inside you. His pace is ruined the moment you utter those words into his ear. He can feel his eyes shoot to the back of his head as he falls into your shoulder again and starts to cum inside you. 

It’s more than heavenly, cumming at the same time as you. His cock is throbbing, shooting out thick, heavy, ropes of his cum inside you as your pussy pulses in time with him, milking him for everything he has. He can’t breathe, all the air has punched out of him as he tries to warn you that he’s cumming.

He wants to moan out for you, call your name over and over to hear you work yourself up into those whining moans you can’t help but let out. He gathers enough strength to push himself up and look at you. He feels like a whole new round of cum spews out of him at the sight. Your eyes are crossed as you moan out at the ceiling. He’s vaguely aware of the way your hand has twisted and tightened in his hair as you cum, your nails digging into his other hand.

He’s smiling through the second round of cum that pumps into you, deliriously happy with how hard he’s made you cum. You sound like you’re in the same situation as him, all the air suddenly gone from your lungs. You’re just letting out barely perceptible moans of his name on loop. 

His thighs shake as his dick finally stops pouring into you. He looks down at the ring of white sitting on the base of his dick and groans. He looks back up at you, wanting to show you the mess you’ve made on him but you’re still so far gone. Your pussy pulses around him arrhythmically as you mutter up at the ceiling, your hand stroking through his hair subconsciously. 

He’s able to come down before you. He pulls out and lays next to you, his head on your chest while he’s muttering those same, soft praises into your ear as your soul tries to find its way back to your body again. You follow the sound of his low praises, grounding you and pulling you back to reality. “-baby. I’m so in love with you. Thank you so fuckin’ much for waitin’ for me, I know it was hard, but I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re so incredible, so so incredible, baby. The best lady I know, the only lady I wanna know. You-” You have a faint, tired smile spreading across your face as he goes on, sounding more out of it than you feel.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You mean to say it softly, fondly but it comes out as something more like a sob. He gasps and looks up at you, that’s when you notice the tears that have escaped your eyes. “This is so embarrassing…” Your hands wipe at your escapee tears furiously as Joel watches you in shock.

“Hey,” He starts to wipe some of your tears away alongside you, although much more softly than your own hands. “ S’not embarrasin’.” He places an endearing kiss to your lips. “I think it’s so fuckin’ cute. The cutest things I’ve seen in years, honestly.” 

You giggle at his exaggeration and kiss his cheeks. “I’m bein’ serious, baby.” He’s giggling too now, placing kisses all over your face, stopping every tear that slips out with his lips.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You take a deep breath as his kisses slow. “It feels like my heart is being choked, squeezed, and like thrown around in my chest whenever I’m with you. I don’t even have the vocabulary to explain how much I feel for you.” 

His eyes are wide and a bit watery as you speak. One hand is on the top of your head, running over your hair as you speak while the other is on your him, his thumb stroking over the skin, sometimes lifting to draw specific patterns. “I wish I had a way to make you feel what I feel toward you, Joel. It’s so fucking much. I feel like it’s gonna explode and pour out of every orifice.” He chuckles and kisses you again, this one feels more emotional, more loving, grateful, and comforting. 

“There you go, talkin’ all proper again.” He kisses you again shortly. “I- I feel the same way darlin’. Except I know even less words to use to explain it to ‘ya. Fuck I- I fuckin’ I wish I could tell ‘ya. You- You feel like- like my whole existence. If that makes sense… No, no it doesn’t, does it? Damn. I- Shit.” You place a hand on his face and make him look at you. 

“You don’t have to say as many things as I did. You’ve already shown me that you love me through your actions… through this. I didn’t even know it could be like that, Joel. That it could- could feel that… good. I didn’t know it was a thing, and then you came in- with all your love and softness, and you showed me a whole new side of everything. I already know… is what I’m trying to say. I know you love me, Joel. I just hope you know that I love you.”

A single tear slips out of his baby cow eyes and he quickly wipes it away with a smile. “I- I know, baby. Trust me, I know.” He smiles wider and brighter than you’ve ever seen, he’s blinding you with its beauty before laying back down on the bed next to you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you onto him. 

“You’re gonna stay, right? Sleep in here with me?” You shake your head disapointedly against his stomach.

“Obviously, I’m staying here, Joel.” The sigh of relief he lets out almost breaks your heart. You place a few kisses on his belly for reassurance. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He chuckles at your words and sounds far away, sleepy, adorable. “Okay… Good. Good, I want you to stay… ‘M gettin’ tired though, honey.” As if on cue, a yawn makes its way up and out of your mouth. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Joey.”

He sighs, and you can’t see it, but a smile splits his face the moment he hears the nickname. “G’night, my love.”

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

[imasoftieforbarb]

(Sorry if it's to early to request, just a bit confused😅-) so here's how it goes: y/n had a massive crush on floyd since branch was a baby but was to scared and shy to confess it to him. Now in the present when floyd was dying y/n screamed to stop and everyone looked at her, even floyd(and also the star cameras lol) and once they were facing her she finally confessed his feelings to him(and he respond :"i..l..ike yo..u..too..)

Friends to Lovers

You’ve known Floyd since he was a kid

Childhood friends (with oblivious crushes)

You were always there to support him, every show you were in the crowd

Even the one that went terribly you were there to comfort him

He asked you to look after Branch

“I know I shouldn’t ask you to do these things but- I need you to look after Branch whilst I’m gone”

He was originally gonna ask you to come with him but- he knew how selfish that would be

You obviously agreed and gave him a letter professing your feelings for him, but told him to only open it when he got back

He agreed

You and Branch waved him off before he disappeared out of sight

You were diligent in your duty’s as a big sister to Branch

Helped him in every way you could

So when you saw him being manhandled by John Dory during the wedding

‘BIG SISTER MODE ACTIVATED’

You decide to go with Branch and Poppy, deciding that he’d need all the support possible

You seemed calm and collected on the outside

But on the inside?

You were upset, you were worried beyond belief and you were angry

Upset that Floyd had left for so long, angry that the reason was these two pompous siblings who wanted a bit of fame

But you were midst anxious about the letter you had given him

You still harboured those feelings that you had for him- you’d never managed to move on despite Branch encouraging you to in his own way

Throughout the journey, despite being happy to meet your friends again, everyone could tell that you were deeply missing Floyd

After Poppy, Branch, Tiny Diamond and you had made your way to Velvet and Veneers dressing room

You gasped- seeing Floyd looking so beaten down inside the diamond prison- tears gathering slightly in your eyes

You let Branch have his moment with his favorite brother before stepping forward

Floyd gasped before putting his hand on the diamond that separated you both- tearing up slightly as you put your hand where his was

“Y/n? You came all this way… to see me?”

“Not to see you- to save you”

You rest your forehead on the diamond

“I read your letter” Floyd said pulling a piece of paper from his pocket “it’s kept me going during the times I’ve had here”

You blushed slightly before looking away

“Do you still feel this way?”

You nodded sheepishly looking over your shoulder where Branch and Poppy were standing

Poppy holding back her teasing and Branch looking proud

“Yeah- I do”

He chuckled slightly before sighing

“I love you too- and I’m sorry I didn’t say so when I left”

[tigerplushh]

Hello, it's me again (if you can remember who I am) But I've had a bit of a weird day and I've been debating with myself wether or not to to and talk about it.

I've decided I am, but not very much. Since I'm still kind of scared that you're not in the mood to listen to me rant.

Warning here, the next few pieces of text will contain:

TW: sa mentions

If you are uncomfortable or triggered by this, please scroll away and do not read!

-----

I feel sick. I saw him today. And it was horrible. Just looking him in the eye was horrible.

I was picking my sibling up from school, and I saw him.

I was petting a cat and when I stood up, he was staring at me. In the eye, trying to work out who I am.

I had changed since it happened, different haircut, had a little bit of makeup on, taller, ect ect. So the possibility of him not remembering who I am is high.

But the face he had on while trying to find out who I was, the 2 second eye contact it scared me. Like, really scared me.

I panicked and ran down to my siblings school as fast as I could.

Scared he'd try something

I started remembering all the shit he did to me, and it kind of messed me up for the rest of the day.

I said goodnight to my best friend, but I still can't sleep

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not as valid as other people because he was younger than me.

I wish it never happened

:(

--------

By the way, if you're confused on who I am, I'm the same anon that asked if they could talk to you here :)

first off, it’s perfectly okay to vent to me whenever. Never feel scared to, ever. This is a perfectly safe space and I’ll never judge you, no matter what you say.

Secondly, I’m so sorry you had to go through that at first, and then see that person again. Its a horrible feeling and nobody deserves that, you didn’t deserve that at all. It’s a completely understandable reaction to be scared, especially to someone who’s done those kind of things to you. I get it, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being scared. I’m proud of you for managing to get through it and even just coming here to talk to me about it, that takes a lot of bravery to do, and it especially takes a lot of courage to open up about sa. I get the fear, I get how hard it is to deal with.

If it makes you feel better to think of it rationally, you should remember that it’s a school place. Staff, teachers, etc, should be around and would be able to see if anything was going to happen to you. Although I understand if that doesn’t help, because a lot of the time, fear stops you think rationally. Especially when it’s fear that you’re in danger- All that you have to remember now, though, is that person can’t hurt you anymore and you’re safe.

Everything you’re feeling and going through mentally and emotionally because of what the person did to you is valid. It doesn’t matter if they were younger, older, if any of your experience didn’t feel “valid enough”, your experience is valid and you deserve to be heard and comfortable. Everyone’s experience with sa is different, and that’s okay.

Again, I’m sorry that happened to you at all in the first place, and I wish I could help you more. I want you to remember that you’re loved and that people will be here for you and will listen to you when you need it. I’m always gonna be here if you need to rant or need comfort and that’ll never change.

Take care of yourself and try and get some sleep, ok? Do whatever makes you feel best, I’ll be here if you need me. Love u <33 /p (only saying that cause Ik ur secret identity, but that’s ok 💕)

[criticalbennifer]

Jennifer Lopez’s Motown tribute on the Grammys: What was that insulting foolishness?

Sunday night’s performance was a slap in the face to history — in particular black women’s, who were the backbone of many of Motown’s greatest musical contributions.

Elizabeth Wellington

February 11, 2019

This is hard for me to write because when it comes right down to it, I’m a fan of Jennifer Lopez going back to her days as an In Living Color fly girl.

In fact, when it was announced earlier this month that J. Lo was going to lead the Grammy tribute to Motown, I defended the choice. Lopez, I surmised, had every right to honor the legendary Detroit record label’s 60th anniversary. It was the soundtrack of her youth, just like it was mine.

But the rest of the world — including my mom who lived through Motown’s heyday — wasn’t having it.

Now, I see why.

Sunday night’s performance was a slap in the face to history — in particular black women’s, who were the backbone of many of Motown’s greatest musical contributions. And I know the Grammy’s know better because Miley Cyrus’ rendition of “Jolene” with her godmother Dolly Parton for Parton’s own tribute was just the perfect touch. In contrast, Lopez in all of her J. Lo glory gyrated in wanna be Beyoncé style in several places where we all know she shouldn’t have. Berry Gordy’s Motown was all about showcasing black people’s decorum during an era when it was believed they didn’t have any, so this whole hot mama business was a total mess.

But that performance reeking of poor taste was just the beginning: Lopez’s voice faltered terribly in her tired rendition of Martha and the Vandellas’ “Dancing in the Street” and The Marvelettes’ "Mr. Postman.” When she erroneously channeled “Proud Mary” Tina Turner for her rendition of Barrett Strong’s chart topper, “Money (That’s What I Want),” I cringed. (Even though Gordy wrote “Money,” Turner was never on Motown. In fact she recorded that song with her husband, Ike, on Liberty Records in 1971 in direct competition with Motown.)

Lopez’s followed that foolishness up with The Contours’ “Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)” and a snippet of the Jackson Five’s beloved “ABC” in booty shaking tackiness that was more Vegas revue rather than classy Motown choreography. I so wish that she had left The Temptation’s “Papa was a Rolling Stone" all the way alone. And if it wasn’t for Neyo standing in for Stevie Wonder on “Another Star” I think I may have jumped through my television and kicked her off the stage myself.

To quote Russell from Fat Albert, the entire performance was the epitome of N.C. — No class.

I’m not saying that J. Lo shouldn’t have been a part of the celebration, there was no doubt she was inspired by the music. Like Smokey Robinson said in his defense of the performance, Motown music was made for everyone. But we shouldn’t ignore that the label was created back in 1959 because white-owned record labels were slow to let black people record their music. Motown turned black women, like Diana Ross, into stars. Black women were seen as more than mammy’s and cleaning ladies. We were glamorous and sexy and well-dressed without being Venus Hottentots.

To completely leave out black women in this tribute — especially with Janelle Monae and Ella Mai, the British singer who won a Grammy for best R & B song Sunday night for her 2018 summer hit “Boo’d Up” were in the audience and Mary J. Blige, Jennifer Hudson and Jill Scott presumably still breathing — the Grammys effectively erased black women from our own history. That was way beyond problematic. It was a stone cold mess.

[linxkly]

Another grian liveblog! i really enjoyed the last on i did so here’s another :)

(this ended being really long I’m so sorry)

grians merch! go check it out! I bought one and I’m very excited for it to come

HE DID IT my boy pressed the record button I’m so proud of him

I love the little yell of happiness he did away from the mic after he said that

Hermitopia!!

thank god he’s addressing the whole “grrr im being forced to watch another series thing”

THE HERMITS ON HOLIDAY BUT THE CAR BROKE DOWN OR SOMETHING IS SO PERFECT OH MY GOD

THE STORY THE LORE

the hermits have been busy busy busy

poor grians the leader of all this

return of the grian empire, but he learned how to share and collaborate with others

he’s visiting Katherine!!

aww he didn’t actually interact with her :(

OLI AND HIS LUTE ELYTRA I CANT

oh no the rocket shortage begins

that’s,, a lot of scaffolding

like,,, a lot a lot of scaffolding

but it looks cool from a distance!!

built height empire,,, but they’re all tiny

I like it, picasso

bouncing villagers!

aww noooooo pls don’t crash the empires economy I like their barter and trade system

they’re getting gunpowder from jimmys place

apparently this whole storyline was fabricated just so grian could get on this server and annoy timmy

oh poor impulse has been left behind bc he don’t got no wings

ah. he has taken a stack of jimmys gunpowder. he know owes???? timmy

they’re going to joeys instead now

but before they leave tumble town they’re placing an intelligence test,,, in the form of a button on top of tnt,,, with a sign saying press me,,, in an empire where jimmy and scar are hanging out,,,

oh no

grian feels bad for impulse, and now they’re walking together

grian has found joeys gator villager

he is confused

he has found the pesky bird villager!

THE LAG JOKE

OH NO THE LAG,, JOEYS GUNPOWDER LAGGED INTOHIS INVENTORY

grians elytra broke, oh how the turn tables

impulse left grian

impulse grian and cub are now chatting about the AWFUL LAG ON THE SERVER OH NOOOO

THE RETURN OF TAG??

oh no they’re playing tag on the empires server

LORE VILLAGERS

grian that’s respiration. not unbreaking

LORESICALS??

oh no grian you let the villagers out

AVADAKALORE I CANT

WINGARDIUM LEVILORESA

STUPIFILORE

EXPECTO PALOREM

EXPELLILOREMAS

ALOHOLOREMA

he spent so much time yelling lore spells he forgot which enchant he was trying to get

unbreaking loresome???

these puns are giving me AHA flashbacks

HE GOT UNBREAKING III

kdbdjfjf you can hear impulse underground cheering

I love seeing all the hermits work on the same thing all at once this is incredible

ooh visit to pix

he’s using pix’s machine to age his copper

he gets to press a button!!

poor guy is worried about breaking David

there’s a sheep trying to eat his waffle

oop he’s borrowing fwhips sign style

building timelapse of a hermit induction machine and tag look at him go!

hermitssss stop bringing your lag to other servers!!

GRIAN WHAT WERE THOSE SOUNDS

scar snuck up on him

they’re messing with the lasso jimmy gave scar

I like the idea of the worlds largest bubble

clearly there was a mishap in communication rip scar

ooooh scar becoming the first hermit!

hermitgeddon??

awww he’s little!!!

just a tad smol

“IM A LITTLE BOY WHY AM I A LITTLE BOY”

oh poor fwhip saw things he shouldn’t have

awww little grian!!

they’re bdubs!!

imagine being smaller than a goblin lol

THEYRE SHORT KINGS

all the hermits have been busy busy bees

ok ik it’s shocking they’ve done all of this so fast but I have to keep reminding myself that this is at least 10-13 people working on hermitopia at around the same times ofc it’s going to be pretty quick

but it’s just still so immpressive

it’s cubs turn to be hermitified

THE JANGLER HAT??

hermits vs empires tag oooh

go watch grians vid for the full tag explanation, bc if I’m completely honest, I don’t really get it

grian is a hermit irl??

episode ends with grian laughing about his irl height rip

and that’s a wrap! these are so much fun to make :)

Idk how often I’ll do these but I might do them for sausage bc he uploads at normal times for me it’s nearly 3am I might pass out after uploading this lmao

[yesimwriting]

Dying Starlight

A/n: i dont think an audience for this exists?? ik it’s not shadow and bone related, but ive been reading red queen and i wanted to try writing maven and ive been playing with this idea. umm...on the off-chance that there is an audience for this i do think of this as more of a series but i’ll probably end up deleting this lol 

(Series?) Summary: reader is a childhood friend of Mare’s who isn’t officially part of the Scarlet Guard but gets captured by Maven. As a prisoner, she feels like her mind is being messed with as she begins to see a more human side of Maven. The new King tells himself the only thing he sees in her is that she’s a way to get to Mare, but something about her genuiness is infectious. 

-- 

Irony twists things. Right now, the irony that my last thoughts might be about how I wish I had been trusted with a suicide pill twist my impending doom into something almost comical. I’d laugh, but I’d rather not startle the rats in my cell. This has been their home for presumably years, but I’ve only been down here a few hours. 

I scratch the back of my wrist, staring at tired stone walls like they’ve done something to me. I wish I knew what time it was. How long have I been down here? How long has it been since I was separated from Mare? An hour? Three?Each passing minute strikes me like a bullet, but I can’t count them. I’ve never had a talent for accurately feeling the passage of time.

My head aches, frustration and dread tangling themselves in the pit of my stomach. Mare told me the Queen can search through someone’s mind, seeing memories even they can’t remember. What will they do when they see I know virtually nothing? What will happen when they see how close Mare and I truly are? i can’t do anything and the unknown hurts more than my bruised rib. 

The sound of the heavy door that divides the luxury of the castle from the wasteland of the cells creaks. I only let my arms flinch, moving from my side to wrap defensively around my stomach. Dull footsteps echo down the pathway that lead to the cell I’m in. I don’t cringe, not even when the sound of walking stops. 

I was not born into a rich family, but I was born into a proud one. Fear was practically a criminal act in my household. I’ve been trained to suppress all signs of weakness. My eyes don’t leave the stone wall, I mentally trace the pattern of a long crack in a specific rock. It reminds me of the slope of the Big Dipper. 

Will I ever see stars again? The answer leaves a sharp pain in my chest. 

“Mare told me about you.” 

The words jar me, my stomach dropping in revulsion. Mare had trusted him, and here he stands--successful because he’s a traitor. I know what it’s like to be the most overlooked sibling and to crave to change that. I know what it’s like to want to succeed more than you want air in your lungs, but I don’t think I’d ever betray someone. I like to think that there’s a line even the monster in me won’t cross. 

I don’t look at him, partially out of an attempt to protest and partially because I’m afraid of what I’ll see. “She might have mentioned you in passing.” 

His scoff is ridiculous. “She didn’t lie about your sense of humor.” 

That almost makes me wince. His words are too close, too personal. It’s like he knows me. I turn my. head, ready to cut through the uneasy beginning to get to the miserable middle if it brings me to the end faster. 

“You’re here to torment me, not make small talk.” Turning had been a mistake. I regret it instantly. His expression is unforgiving--cold, sharp, and made up of only angles. But that’s not why I stare. I did not expect him to be objectively attractive. The fine slope of his nose, the sharpness of his cheekbones, and the ice blue of his eyes. I need to snap out of this mindset. I’m sure his beauty will not be so distracting when he’s burning me. “Though some might consider that the same thing.” 

He scoffs again, the sound dry. The sneer of his lips does not diminish his attractiveness. The fact makes me loathe him. “I wonder if you’ll still be so prone to humor after you’ve been broken--any information of worth extracted from your thoughts.” 

“Let me save everyone the trouble and just tell you everything that I know now.” My back straightens despite the pain in my ribs. I look pathetic, dirty and in a torn dress. He’s regal, dressed in fine, all black clothing. “I know that Mare wanted to kill you today, I know that she needed a distraction and that her distraction needed to be expendable, which is why I’m sitting in front of you.” I squeeze my hands together awkwardly, a bit of genuine irritation rolling in my stomach. “That’s literally all I know, I’m not even part of the Guard.” I scratch the back of my wrist. If I were him, I wouldn’t believe that, but I’m being honest. How pitiful can one person be that they’re worth more disconnected from the group they work for than as an actual member? “You don’t take that kind of risk for someone that’s only skill set is in thought.” 

I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but I don’t regret it. Maybe he’ll think that my story is so pathetic it has to be true. “You have to know more than that.” 

“The Scarlet Guard only reaches out to me on a need-to-know basis, and anything worthwhile to you is something I clearly didn’t need to know.” In a way, I’m glad I can’t give him anything. “So are you going to kill me with a bullet or do you prefer more flamboyant executions?” My death should be plain. I am human completely--I bleed red and I have no powers. “I do think anything more than a simple death is more trouble than I’m worth.” 

His lips press together oddly, something beneath his expression tightening. “You don’t think your dearest friend will return for you?”

The sarcasm in his voice sparks something in me I thought only my sister could. “I think she has a lot of responsibilities and I wouldn’t blame her for having priorities.” 

His eyebrows draw together. “I think you’re painfully unaware of how attached to you she is.” I press my lips into a thin line. “She’ll come for you.”

Something selfish in me hopes that he’s right. No one has ever wanted me enough to come back for me. My mother wanted perfect daughters that knew how to only think in terms of trapping men with stable careers. My sister did it, but I could never manage, and to my mother that made me useless. 

“If you believe it,” I mumble beneath my breath.

I don’t know if he hears me. I can’t bring myself to care if he did. “For your sake, you better not have lied to me.” 

My back relaxes against the raspy wall, fighting down a grimace as the motion irritates my rib injury. “Cross my heart, Your Highness.” 

I watch him carefully, his expression turning into something much more grim. “A King is referred to as His Majesty.” 

“My father was a prominent war general and my mother only wanted daughters she could use to social climb.” I fight down a grin. “I know what I said.” 

His expression darkens into something bone chilling. “I am the King and you’ll refer to me as such or deal with even less pleasant circumstances.” 

I fight against the urge to cower, picturing Mare’s strength in my veins. There’s weakness in everyone, and if I squint I can see the thin cracks in him. “You have everything--the crown, the power, the support of the people, and it’s still not enough. You won and you still feel like you’re competing.” 

“You don’t know anything,” he seethes, practically growling. 

I shouldn’t press him, but the more he reacts, the more weaknesses are revealed. “I know what it’s like to have a sibling that’s the sun, and no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you’re always trapped in a shadow.” 

The lighting makes his eyes look almost glazed over. “My mother will be here soon and the truth will be revealed.” 

He can run from me, but not the truth. Cal has nothing, he has everything--the father that never cared for him is dead, and yet he’s still trapped. Our similarities hurt me more than my physical injuries. 

Maven turns, his gaze moving off of me feels like the removal of heavy shackles. “It would do you well to not press me. You’re worth as much whole as you are broken.” 

There’s the strangest hint of something more to his voice. I wonder if he’s speaking to more than just me. “You haven’t won until that voice in your head telling you that you’re not enough is silenced.”

“You’re a powerless girl who isn’t even wanted by a dying cause and couldn’t find a husband to drag her above the poverty line. You know nothing about me, and if you keep pretending I’ll slaughter you in front of your dear friend.” 

He leaves without another word. I fall asleep with my back against the wall and my ribs aching. 

[stargaze-issei]

— 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝 + 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫-𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧 !

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; karasuno and fukurodani react to their manager doing the body count/bodyody audio tik tok ! [insp by this tik tok]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; crack(?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; suggestive themes, maybe a little swearing i can't remember ajaksjq.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; the trend it's to put pictures of all the people you've slept with, in case anyone doesn't know!!

karasuno !

-> it was a joke, it wasn’t supossed to get out of the thrid year managers gc.

-> the girls found it hilarious and was a good conversation topic for hours, discussing who you put or didn’t put.

-> they knew, of course, it was fake. you hadn’t slept with oikawa, KYOUTANI, BOKUTO, tendou, atsumu, TERUSHIMA and OSAMU.

-> it was SO obvious it was a joke for them that nobody felt the need to point it out.

-> they just said things like “the most quiet are the worst ones” “OMG DETAILS ABOUT THE TWINS!!” “did terushima yk,, made a good use of his percing” because they KNEW nothing was real.

-> until tanaka and sugawara asked kiyoko for her phone to watch some videos of the new play they were trying.

-> and misaki, from johzenji, sent a “forget about teru— 🤢 can’t even say it,, Y/N I WANNA HEAR ABOUT BOKUTO!!! ik man’s  p a c k i n g”

-> tanaka looks at suga and suga looks at tanaka and they’re like .......tf

-> suga’s finger “slips” and they see the other messages until finally they reach your video.

-> you’re there looking pretty as usual and above your head reads “seems like were showing our body counts with this sound? here it’s mine 🤪”

-> tanaka is about to say “it can be what we’re thinking” but when OIKAWA’S picture appears both their jaws hit the floor.

-> nishinoya sees them and ofc he wants to know what’s so shocking, so he gets closer.

-> he drags hinata too, and shoyo’s like “that’s the great king!! play it again!! play it again!!”

-> fyi: suga paused the video because wOW and they don’t know who’s left in your video.

-> sugawara looks straight in the eye at nishinoya, going “keep hinata, kageyama and yamaguchi away and bring the team” with the MOST SERIOUS EXPRESSION

-> noya is lowkey scared??? like wtf??? but does as he’s told bc suga seems super intense.

-> kiyoko and yachi left to fill the bottles and pick some needed implements from the club room, you had classes for a few more minutes, therefore, there was nobody to stop them.

-> once the rest of the team, including tsukishima because everyone seemed to have forgotten he was a first year too, is together, suga plays again the video, while the littlest ones watch from afar in curiosity.

-> the silence, you will never hear them in a more tense silence.

-> they read what’s your tiktok about, daichi’s eyes go O.O, asahi goes RED, nishinoya seemed to be ready to FIGHT THEM ALL, ennoshita awkwardly laughs, even tsukishima blushes a little.

-> then oikawa appears. EVEYRONE’S EYES ARE FULLY OPEN AND NOYA LET’S OUT A GROAN???

-> but when kyoutani shows up they’re in SO much shock they kinda forget oikawa before, and daichi whispers an “oh god”

-> then it’s BOKUTO’S TURN and tsukishima just stops functioning. asahi is static on his place contemplating, withouth being able to form a coherent thought.

-> suga highkey wants the tea.

-> tendou feels like a betray to asahi, tanaka and tsukishima. noya, just for a second, wonder what was that like.

-> ATSUMU AND OSAMU FUCKING MIYA AND THEY EXPLOTE.

-> THE EXPLOTE LIKE WHAT????? WAS IT AT THE SAME TIME???? Y/N?¡¡¡¿¿1

-> they aren’t ready for the cherry on the top at the end, a picture of terushima sticking his tongue out, sweaty after a match, SMOKING HOT, and it’s not a picture he posted to his social medias or anything.

-> it’s only suga, and daichi a little bit, who realize that if that picture isn’t public, then either he send it to you or YOU TOOK  IT.

-> that’s when you walk in the gym, just to say hi before going to change.

-> the first year are playing among each other and you are like ????

-> they don’t even notice you’re there so you go nearer to see what they’re watching. and you see the picture of tersuhima yukie, from fukurodani, once sent asking misaki WHY her kouhais where that hot. it was also the only picture you had of him and the one you used in you video the day before.

-> the phone in suga’s hands seems familiar and... that’s kiyoko’s

-> “Y/N” screams asahi when he sees  you and the rest looks like they saw a ghost.

-> a second of silence goes before everyone blows in questions and you just hear names between bambling, “OIKAWA MNASNANPGDF” “MANASKL BODY COUNT ASLKLAS” “MAD DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-> and daichi makes himself heard despite the screams.

-> “y/n, i know you’re 18 and capable of making your own decisions, but we have to talk about... physical relationships, with our rival teams”

-> kiyoko arrives and quickly puts two and two together and asks yachi to go check on the first years.

-> she looks at you and sees you like WHAT TF DO I DO and nods and say “you shouldn’t have gone through my phone, no matter how curious you are, sugawara-san” COLD AS ICE ISTG.

-> AND SHE CONTINUES “what who y/n does or doesn’t do on her free time is none of your business, all of you, if she decides to get together with anyone it’s just up to her. you should be ashamed of yourself, specially the third years. you weren’t just violating y/n’s privacy, but mine, kaori’s, yukie’s and misaki’s. it may have been a joke, or not, but it doesn’t give you the right. if you ever do something like this again, we will be talking with coach ukai and takeda sensei” SHE GRABS YOUR ARM, TURNS AROUND, CALLS YACHI AND YOU THREE LEAVE LIKE QUEENS????

-> once you’re in the club room, both you and kiyoko start laughing because the team was FROZE in place. not even daichi was so scary.

-> the team then apologizes to both and send an audio to the groupchat too, and never bring the subject uo again.

-> still, they all wonder everyday if you really did or not.

-> and of course, they get so defensive when they see any of the boys in the video it’s hilarious to you and the other managers.

— fukurodani !

-> damn yukie making up dares that always ended up bad for either you or kaori.

-> mostly you doe.

-> at a sleepover, she was like let’s make fake body count vids and who falls asleep first has to show them tomorrow at practice!!! it will be fun!!!

-> you accepted because you usually fell asleep after one of them did but that time it was like they gave you a sleeping pill because you fell like a rock after a few hours.

-> as to why you were there, the day after, about to go ask the team if you should post it.

-> you list consisted on kenma, kita, sakusa, daichi, and just for the fun of it, konoha.

-> the girls call konoha aside so he doesn't ruin the prank, and you proceed.

-> "hey guys, should i post this?? i’m not sure if i look good enough to be seen by the world” bokuto practically yells at you that you always look pretty before taking your phone from your hands.

-> “why don’t you ask yukie or kaori?” asks akaashi, that was a question you hand’t thought about and by pure luck, you were saved by bokuto yelling at the team to come and see what you’ve done.

-> konoha is about to head their way and yukie just grabs his arm like “no ❤️"

-> and nobody can contradict yukie’s no so he has no choice but to stay.

-> anyways

-> the team gather around bokuto, who is about to press play. at first it’s just your face, and everyone agree you look pretty.

-> but then they read “did anyone say body count? ;)” and they look at each other like ......what

-> washio leans to stop the video because he genuinely doesn’t know what body count is, sarukui explains it a little too loud, grinning, and washio goes "oh–"

-> thanks to sarukui’s explanation bokuto confirms his idea because one part of him did think it was how many people you’ve killed.

-> they press play again and kenma appears and bokuto just stares, doesn’t react.

-> akaashi’s eyes widened and he GASPS, washio can’t hide his disappointment mostly because why would you make this video and then show it to them.

-> when kita shows up bokuto lets out a surprised squeak, along with washio that’s just question your and his whole existences-

-> sarukui is smirking, his complete expression yells “way to go y/n!!!”

-> sakusa comes as a shock to every one of them, even sarukui loses the grin for a bit.

-> “how did you manage to...?” whispers akaashi, half amazed, half grossed.

-> bokuto then has to pause it for a little to keep his composure, he looks at your like WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS

-> but when they resume it and daichi welcomes him he thinks it just can get any worse.

-> washio is like “isn’t that karasuno’s–?”

-> “HELL YEAH IT IS” SHOUTS SARUKUI AND THE GIRLS BEHIND YOU LAUGH SO HARD BECAUSE HE IS SO PROUD OF YOU.

-> the rest is like 🧍‍♂️ while sarukui is SO happy for you LMAO.

-> it’s at the end when no one smiles. konoha’s picture smiles at them and bokuto just stops the video to look at him, only a few meters away.

-> he looks at the picture and then at konoha and so on.

-> can’t get his mind around it????? lowkey no one can.

-> akaashi isn’t even blinking and his eyes are concerningly open, washio is regretting all his past choices that led to this moment.

-> sarukui death stares at konoha. no more fun sarukui, he crossed the line.

-> kaori and yukie are wheezing WHEEZING I SAY and konoha is so confused.

-> his teammates look like dogs about to attack but he hasn’t done anything to upset them?? has he??

-> like robots, akaashi and bokuto get up and walk towards konoha. a part of you tells you to protect him but... what are they going to do tho...

-> “you’re out of the team” THEY SAY AT THE SAME TIME AND ALL AND KONOHA GOES WHAT

-> your co-managers can’t even breath istg NO HELP

-> you then intervine trying to keep konoha in the team lmao “IT’S FAKE GUYS!! A PRANK!! KAORI!!!! YUKIE!!!! BACK ME UP!!! I’M KIDDING DON’T KICK KONOHA OUT”

-> akaashi partially believes you, but bokuto?? nope.

-> you planted the seed on his mind.

-> the whole team acts weird when they see guys from your vid and are looking for chances to bark at konoha.

-> “AKAASHI HAS TO STAND BETWEEN YOU TWO ALL THE TIME” that’s the new rule he set.

-> just to see them freak out, konoha sometimes flirts with you at practice ;)

[khaleesiofalicante]

bestie do you really think it's funny to make me cry?

OK WHERE DO I START AUJHUJHDSDUJHFV

deep bre-INCOHERENT SCREAMING

That's it. that's all I have to say.

THEY PASSED THE CHILD PROTECTION BILL I'M GONNA BE CRYING IN A CORNER IF ANYONE NEEDS ME

All those shadowhunters who ran back to Idris I hope you starve to death there. have fun!

Anjali is so awesome OH MY GOD I LOVE HER ALREADY

Rafael is THAT kid I see...it suits him so well.

It had been two very long years stuck in this small office room. But every time Alec saw the way David giggled when Lexi called her father Jalapeno poppers or some other equally ridiculous name, Alec knew it was worth all the trouble.

THIS OMG I'M NOT OK

Alec wondered if that’s why so many leaders before him had been awful. It was easy to be a bad leader. But it took effort to be a good one.

This is so true...I'm so proud of him...

Dani...bestie THAT IMMORTALITY CRISIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I know it's gonna happen but I was having a very good day. why do you hurt me in such ways... (I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm mentally unstable after the way I screamed reading)

“Anjali,” Diego sighed. “What have I told you about doors?”

“Knock them down?”

“I said knock on them!” Diego corrected, shaking his head. “Not knock them down!”

I'm in love.

HUHYUHKSDYKFVYUFVYU ALEC'S CONSUL VOICE I'M SCREAMING

SIMON BESTEST!! HIM SORTING THE STUDENTS INTO THESE GROUPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AND ANJALI BESTIE GOOD LUCK AT BEATING THE SEELIES!! (good luck with stealing the weapons)

well, Rafael do you perhaps have a little crush? (Grammarly ik I'm writing in lowercase stfu)

ok ok I know this is pretty sad but every time someone gives Magnus or Alec the "you haven't talked to him yet?" look I start laughing-

ALEC'S SO CLUELESS ABOUT MAX AND DAVID I CANT-

“So, you are just going to leave me here and go to York then?” Max demanded now; all puppy dog eyes. “Like my mom left me at the academy?”

Yeah. He took the news a little too well.

MAX PLAYING THE ADOPTED CARD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Is it because you don’t like me?” Max pouted again. “Like my mom…Who left me all alone.”

“You can’t play the adopted card with me, you lil shit,” Rafael laughed. “I’m adopted too.”

I'M SO IN LOVE LEAVE ME ALONE

AWW MAX SEEING THE INSTITUTE AND IMMEDIATELY GOING "David would love this" ISTG THIS KID I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Weren’t you listening to a podcast on Mayan Civilization during breakfast?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Bapak said it’s historically accurate!” Rafe argued.

“Bapak is not that old!” Alec countered.

“Maybe he is,” Max said, analyzing the paintings on the walls. “Maybe you don’t know it.”

“Excuse me, I know how old my husband is,” Alec said indignantly.

“Then where are the receipts dad?” Max asked. “Show us the receipts!”

Where are the receipts, Alec? EXACTLY!

THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE HAS CAUGHT ON TO MAX'S VERY OBVIOUS CRUSH

“I think he likes David,” Rafe whispered.

“Of course he does,” Alec whispered back. Why were they whispering? “David is a sweet boy.”

“No. I think he ‘likes him’ likes him,” Rafael giggled.

Alec looked at his son sharply. “But-He is..Da..They are children!”

“You’ve never heard a childhood crush?” Rafe grinned.

“No, I was too busy…studying,” Alec sniffed.

“That’s not what I heard,” Rafael bit his lip. “I heard you had a thing for boys in motorcycle jackets.”

“Okay that’s it! You are not allowed to hang out at Hotel Dumort anymore,” Alec said.

Really Alec? Studying? REALLY???

MAX AND RAFE RACING TO THE TRAINING ROOM!!!

the reference to the infernal devices...I'M GONNA KILL THE ALREADY DEAD STARKWEATHERS! I'M ABOUT TO DO SOME NECROMANCY SHIT TO BRING THOSE FUCKERS BACK JUST TO KILL THEM SLOWLY

Hugs max it's gonna be ok buddy.

In that moment, Alec remembered all the talks.

He remembered how his mother had lectured Izzy about not going out alone late at night, but she hadn’t said anything to Jace or Alec.

He remembered the way Jem spoken quietly to Mina in soft Mandarin about how people might call her names, but he hadn’t said anything to Kit.

He remembered the way Julian had told Ty to be careful about kissing his boyfriend in public, but he hadn’t said anything to Dru.

I hate this so damn much. I hate it. It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here.

Sorry for that just got really heated for a second there.

NO NOT THE NIGHTMARE. BABY NO

DAVID MY CHILD!! OMG, HE'S GONNA TAKE UP ARCHERY SOMEONE HOLD ME WHILE I CRY!

“This is who you are,” David said, his voice oddly soft now. Softer than usual. “And you’re beautiful.”

Alec blinked at that.

“Blue,” David said quickly. “I meant you’re blue. Uh, yes.”

BESTIE I SAW WHAT YOU SAID THERE. WE ALL DID

Also, alec sitting outside max's room...IM GONNA-

“David is in there,” Alec whispered. “I just wanted to…check…if everything was okay.”

“Alexander, are you spying on our child?” Magnus demanded. “Without me???”

“What? No! I-”

“Move over!” Magnus sank down next to him. “What are they saying? Are they kissing?”

“WHAT? They are not kissing!” Alec said in alarm. “Wait. Are they???”

He couldn’t hear anything now. Alec panicked.

“I haven’t talk to the kids about kissing yet,” Magnus pointed out. “We can’t talk to Max without talking to Rafael first.”

“Wait. Is Rafael kissing people???”

“Rafael is not kissing people,” Rafael replied as he walked past them to the kitchen. “Also, you guys are shit at whispering.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him and turned to Magnus. “It’s stressful enough that we need to talk about racism in the shadow world. Now we need to talk about kissing??”

“And other stuff,” Magnus chuckled.

Alec groaned into Magnus’ shoulder. “By the angel. Fine. We’ll just tell them there is no kissing. Until they are 30.”

“Hypocrite,” Rafael coughed into his hand as he walked back to the table with a bag of chips.

THIS WHOLE SCENE OH MY GOD.

And srsly alec? 30? really? whips out the extract "kissed" from cassie's website According to my files here-

“And David?”

“Yes, sir?”

“The bedroom door stays open from now on.”

David blinked, his cheeks pink. “I…What?”

“Door stays open,” Alec said, lowering his voice, just a register. “Is that understood?”

AYY ALEC DAD MODE YUCDUHDFHFUHJIUHC THIS IS SO AMAZING IM GONNA SCREAM

Alec advising David with the bow is so close to my heart...IDK WHY IT JUST IS

That conversation...PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I HOPE HUMANS GO EXTINCT BECAUSE I SURE AM READY TO DIE SO LET'S TAKE THE EARTH DOWN-

“Why don’t shadowhunters have acne?”

"What?" Alec blinked.

“Their skin is like so freaking perfect and smooth and they can just freaking go through puberty without a one freaking pimple and don’t even get me started on the freaking dimples and then-”

Magnus started laughing. Alec felt a little confused.

EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS !!!!! THAT DAMN ANGEL BLOOD

That part about how we normalize these little things which are actually hurtful...I didn't realize that. I guess we really do, huh? This just made me want to be more careful with others and if I feel others do this with me, to stop them and correct them.

I loved this chapter so much. You're such a great writer.

I wanted to share something of my own now!! I FINALLY GOT MY COPY FOR RWARB!!!! I told my parents it was a thriller about how the first son and the prince forge a friendship and discover secrets about the government and the monarchy-

The place I bought it from sent me a very cute bookmark. It's a pride bookmark and it's just my first ever pride merch and I'm close to tears. Let's just say my family isn't the most accepting so this bookmark's really precious to me

Sorry, the quality isn't the best. I was in a hurry. It's almost 4 am now I'm gonna try and sleep (I'm gonna reorganize my bookshelf). See you on Tuesday!!

Thank you so much. I love reading your comments. They are so honest and full of life. You are going to LOVE rwrb. It's such a good book and it's so romantic and raw and perfect. Lmao about your parents. What they don't know can't hurt them ;) And I loooooooooove your bookmark. Be gay. Do crime.

PS -

"It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here."

THIS IS THE MAIN POINT. YOU GOT IT. SO CONGRATS <3

[frozensriracha]

💙🖤Fluffy Eyeless Jack Headcanons🖤💙

AW YEAH SEXY DEMON MAN TIME YOU GUYS

he’s 6’8, built like a greek god, and could bench press you

also the most well-kept of the male pastas

showers every day, brushes and flosses his teeth 2-3 times a day (likely due to the others’ complaints about kidney breath,) wears deodorant, and does his laundry on the regular

one of slender’s secret favorites without trying

he can play the acoustic guitar! he first learned late in high school to impress a girl, and later joined a band with a couple of his buddies. he’s memorized where the strings and tuning pegs are and still knows a couple of songs, and sometimes he’ll play a song for the pastas

ej, jane, hoodie, and masky are workout buddies! sometimes they go for a run or hike in slender forest together and they occasionally pack a lunch and eat together

in school, he was that one kid everyone asked to copy the homework of

because he’s a good influence, he just helped them with it, maybe let his buds copy a problem or two they were really stuck on

however, if he really hated a person and they asked him to copy his homework, he’d get an extra copy of the work from the teacher, fill it out all wrong, and let them copy that one while his real homework was safely tucked away in his backpack

he’s not very proud of it but at the same time he has no regrets

you guys,,, ej is a big softie for dogs

not only has he joined masky in convincing slender to get some proxy attack dogs to baby and call good boys/girls, but he discovered a female hellhound and started feeding her. he named her artemis, and she’s good friends with seedeater

she recently had a litter of 4 or so puppies, and he helped deliver them, and sally got to name them

on that note, he is very sweet to sally, will 100% scare the pastas into coming to her tea party and wear a tutu for her (and maybe brimg cookies)

he’s not one for pranks and stupidity, but he is passive-aggressive as fuck

once, one of ej’s victims had prepared a lovely rare steak with roasted veggies and buttery dinner rolls, and having not had a home cooked meal in a long time (and living off kidneys, ramen, and black coffee,) ej helped himself and brought the rest home hoping to have it for lunch the next day. well, he’d made the mistake of putting it in the communal fridge and jeff ate it all. come christmastime, ej got jeff for secret santa, and so he made a rare steak, roasted veggies, and buttery dinner rolls and put it in jeff’s stocking since he clearly loves it so much.

moral of the story: don’t touch a broke young adult’s leftovers. we will fuck. you. up.

yes yes ik i’m technically 2 1/2 months away from adulthood but still don’t mess with my leftovers >:((

likes horror, sci-fi, and sometimes mystery novels along with nonfiction books (usually about biology but sometimes cody recommends a good chemistry journal) and has a large collection of them in braille and a lot of audiobooks downloaded onto his phone

he also listens to podcasts, his favorites are ologies and welcome to night vale (both fantastic, check them out!)

he and cody are science buddies, sometimes they conduct experiments together

loves heat, HATES the cold, if slender has a fire in the fireplace he spreads out in front of the fire and will not move until some of the pastas pluck up the courage to move him.

he has three tongues, one main one and two longer, thinner side ones, both of which are bifurcated like a snake’s. the main one is pierced, and he once tried to pierce the others so they matched. it didn’t end great, but it could have ended much worse.

the mom friend and voice of reason among the pastas, usually the designated driver if they go out together

that being said, he does have a rather,,,, feral side

once, toby came down for a glass of water in the middle of the night and he found ej devouring poptarts, wrapper and all. when he saw toby shining his flashlight on him, he hissed and flew up to the top of the fridge

they agreed never to talk about it

uses echolocation to hunt

ok, hot take: ej has a tail. it’s kind of like a cow’s tail, but it’s gray with a tuft of brown-auburn hair at the end and six and a half feet long

he also has pawlike hands and feet with claws, which he sometimes paints black

he can be summoned with “pspspspspspsps”

despite all the paranormal goings-on around him and being host to a demon, he remains stubbornly logical

he has tattoos on his chest and arms that look kind of like this:

he makes nests! he has an ass-ton of blankets and pillows and a few stuffed animals that

if he’s comfy enough with someone, he’ll invite them into his nest and snuggle them ^_^

but only if they’re okay with it because CONSENT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT

he has a few demon host friends in hell that he visits via the hell portal near slender mansion (see slenderman general headcanons +mansion au headcanons to see what i’m talking about), they’ve all bonded over their demons’ mutual bullshit

and speaking of his demon’s bullshit, there’s a rather,,,,,,,,,, interesting crackship i have involving chernabog

you see, the nightwraith is also possessed by a demon: the heart of darkness. after a weird ass roleplay with someone some years ago, i started shipping the two demons. ej and nighty, however, are not together in my canon, and they don’t really appreciate it when their demons make out with each other and they’re both standing there awkwardly like 5 feet away

they’ve tried to break up their demons before, but they’ve not been successful so they’ve stopped trying and just kinda sit there and play go fish or smth while cherna and the heart smooch

god i could go on about that ship but that’s a post for another day

i could also go on about ej but i probably shouldn’t please stop me i’m procrastinating again

or don’t. ej’s amazing

@hell-isnt-that-hot @blue-mask-boii COME GET YALL JUICE >:))

[dangan-happy]

For Taka, Fuyuhiko, Kiyo, and Kaito! I realized today that due to where I live that I’m very isolated because of my interests, and it made me feel so sad and alone,,,,it feels like I’m gonna waste my whole young life being alone instead of out looking at cool anime stuff or cartoon merch with my friends,,,,,Ik it’s probably dumb and stupid to feel this way, but can I get some encouragement or someont to hug and say it’s ok? As long as it isn’t a bother? (Checkmate? WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHECKMATE?!)

What?! People think your interests aren't cool?! How dare they! Man, if you're into cartoons and anime, that's totally awesome!! Voltron and Invader Zim were huge inspirations to me during my quest to become the Luminary of the Stars!! It really sucks that you're isolated because of that.

Hey, you're totally not alone, ok? Loads of people are into that stuff, I mean, look at tumblr as a whole! Ooh, there's also Cowboy Bebop, that one's good. Anyways, you're not alone. If you don't have anyone irl who's into that stuff, there's loads of online communities you can join! You can coordinate going to cons or something (when we're allowed to go outside safely) and send pics of any merch you might buy or whatever. Trust me, you're not alone. There's loads of people into the stuff you are, you just gotta look. There's nothing weird or dorky or anything wrong with your interests. I'd totally talk about stuff with you!

I know I'm the super cool Ultimate Astronaut, but I love sitting down and watching shows and talking about them!! Trust me, your people are out there. You can totally get a hug from me!! It's not a bother at all! Keep loving your interests and being you. You're not alone, and you're not wasting your life. Enjoy what you love, and be proud of your passions!!

Whatever your interests are, you shouldn’t be ashamed, anyone who says or does otherwise is an asshole, bottom line. Even though you may not know anyone in real life who shares the same interests as you, there are always groups online for those interests. 

Y’know, like Kaito said, once you can go to cons in your area, there might end up being more people who share the same interests as you than you think. There are probably tons of people who’d want to talk with you about your interests, hell, Peko likes to rant to me about her favorite types of animals all the time. As long as you’re happy, then you’re not wasting your life away, have fun while you can. 

Are you kidding me? Asking for a hug is never a bother! C’mere!

Ah! What you feel is not stupid at all Anonymous! Not at all! Finding others who even have the slightest bit of interest in my own was something that plagued me for years! Not to mention having friends! It was a terrible time for me back then, I was incredibly lonely in my youth...

Ah! My utmost apologies, I had no excuse to rant like that in the middle of an ask! How foolish of me! Anyways, what I was attempting to say before I got carried away is that your interests are a hundred percent valid. Participate in whatever makes you feel the most comfortable, and I'm sure that your friends would understand that just fine.

Fuyuhiko and Kaito's idea of going to conventions sounds like a good one too however! You can find others with your own interests, and you can talk about them! I see that as a definitive win-win. And don't worry if you end up rambling, heh, I even do it myself sometimes! What I've come to learn from my own friends at the academy is that rambling is a great way to show that you're passionate about something, and if you're passionate about your interests, I see that as a great thing! Go forward with that passion and embrace it, you've only got one life to do so after all!

Anyways, before I go it is my duty to give you a hug as you asked. So come here! Everything will be alright, I promise. Someday you will find others with an interest similar to yours, and you can embrace it. I guarantee it!

[starship-squidlet]

New Music: Act 4, Scene 4

Chapter summary: Things escalate at school for the band.

Word count: 2,639

Disclaimer: Preface

Tag list: @the-cowbi @i-am-a-wizard @xbanner-carriedx @celestial-rose-sky (let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from the tag list!)

Links: Spotify playlist, YouTube playlist, ‘Anything Goes’ on YouTube

A/N: Not going to lie, I love this chapter! Anything Goes is a favorite song of mine, and is also the last song I ever performed (fun fact about Jack: she used to be able to sing in public lol) and I was super excited to be able to use it for New Music! I hope you all love it as much as I do, as we head into the final arc of this story.

Previous chapter: Act 4, Scene 3

Next chapter: Act 4, Scene 5

Jack yawned and rubbed his eyes. Their show the night before had gone late, and getting up for school in the morning had proven… difficult. But he had hauled himself out of bed, and was now trudging along with Race as Cora, Elaine, and Albert chattered cheerfully a few feet ahead of them.

“How are they so awake?” Race groaned, nearly tripping over his own feet as he shuffled along the pavement.

“Witchcraft,” Jack mumbled.

“Keep up, Racer,” Albert grinned, glancing back at them over his shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t want to be late to Pulitzer’s assembly,” Elaine snorted.

Both Jack and Racetrack groaned. “I forgot about that,” Race grumbled.

“Did they even say what it was about?” said Jack.

“No, just that we were supposed to check in with our homeroom teachers outside the gym and that homeroom and first period were cancelled,” said Elaine.

At the school’s property line, as they had become accustomed to, they split off into two separate groups. Normally, they would have met up with some of the others near the property line and split up with them, based on who was going to which class, but today they stuck in the groups they’d walked in—Elaine and Cora with Albert, and Jack with Race. They saw some of the others as they went: Spot and JoJo with JoJo’s sister Cami; Elmer with his older brother and younger sister, walking with Davey and Sarah Jacobs; Henry and Boots with Specs; Mike and Ike and their older and younger brothers. Alan, Bill, Darcey, and Katherine joined Jack and Race as they headed for the gym, then Alan ran ahead to scare Elaine, who chased him down the sidewalk to the school door and vanished into the crowd. Cora joined Davey with his little group of Elmer and siblings, along with Cami de la Guerra. Finch and Mush came from the parking lot, with Tommy and Crutchie a few feet behind them.

Inside the gym, Jack looked around for his friends. They were hard to find, spotted in their little groups of two and three. Finch and Mush joined Elaine and Alan near the front of the bleachers; Jack and Race followed Katherine, Bill, and Darcey into the same row, using Alan, Bill, and Darcey as a sort of buffer between their two groups. Cora, Davey, and Elmer sat with Sarah, Walter, Annia, and Cami a bit to their right and a few rows further up. Spot and JoJo took seats in the front row, and Blink joined them a few moments later. Henry, Boots, and Specs were on the far side of the room; Mike, Ike and their brothers were two rows down and against the wall to their left. Crutchie and Tommy sat in the front row with Smalls, near the door where it would be easier for Crutchie to get out at the end of the assembly without being trampled by the inevitable crowd. On the other side of the gym—there were bleachers on both sides, and they’d all been set up to accommodate the entire student body for the assembly, although it was still a tight squeeze—Jack could see Oscar and Morris Delancey, sitting almost exactly across from him and Race, making faces and sneering at them.

“Do you think they realize how stupid they look?” Katherine leaned over to whisper to Jack.

He snorted. “Who knows what’s goin’ through those thick skulls of theirs.”

As the last students found their seats, Seitz and Bunsen closed the doors to the gym. Something pricked at the back of Jack’s neck; if the Delanceys hadn’t been visible across from him, he would’ve guessed that it was the niggling feeling of them staring holes into the back of his head, but, since he could see that their attention had turned to Crutchie and Tommy instead of him and Race, he didn’t think that they were the source. Jack did a quick look around. Everyone seemed okay. What is this? he wondered. Why do I have such a bad feeling about this?

Katherine nudged his arm. “Hey. You okay?”

He smiled. “Yeah. Just tired.”

The gym fell silent as Pulitzer strode across the waxed floor. There was a single microphone set up on a small platform in the middle of the huge room. He walked up to it, stepped up to the microphone, and tapped it, almost like he was trying to quiet the already silent student body. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said into the mic, the phrase echoing around the room, bouncing off the tin ceiling and wooden floor. Every eye in the room turned to the principal.

Pulitzer looked pleased with himself. He cleared his throat and leaned a little closer to the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen; students of the World. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called this assembly today.”

“Don’t really care,” Race muttered.

“It has come to my attention that there has been a petition circulating around the school,” said Pulitzer.

Every member of the band, their friends, and Alan, Bill, Darcey, and Katherine froze. Jack felt his heart leap up into his throat, Katherine squeezed his hand. He could hear Race’s breathing get faster next to him.

“I want to make it clear to every person in this room that actions of that sort are not going to be tolerated in this school,” Pulitzer’s voice rang out, sounding vaguely tinny to Jack. “Under no circumstances will Jack Kelly and the Newsies be performing on school grounds, or at any school function. Nor, in fact, will any similar bands that boast such vulgar-sounding ‘music’ be welcome in these spaces.”

Jack heard Elaine hiss “Alan” from further down the bench, and then, before Pulitzer could continue, a new voice was ringing out through the gym.

“Why?” Alan called. His voice was loud and clear, ringing out to echo just like Pulitzer’s had.

Pulitzer zeroed in on Alan. Jack and Race shrank away, trying to make themselves as small as possible. On Alan’s other side, Elaine looked like she wanted to melt into the floor as she, Mush, and Finch also tried to make themselves disappear. “And you are?” Pulitzer said drily.

“Alan O’Dell.”

Jack was pretty sure he saw Pulitzer’s face twist in disdain at the name.

“My sister’s a member of the Newsies,” Alan explained. “I’ve been to a ton of their shows. Their music is really good. I guess I just don’t understand why they’ve been banned the way they are. It seems unfair, and based entirely on your own, personal, opinions and bias. The Newsies are an extremely popular band, and that’s not just a coincidence. They’re good, and the petition clearly indicates that your student body enjoys their shows and would like to be able to have music they enjoy at their end-of-year dance.”

“Mr. O’Dell, am I to take it that you were responsible for the petition that has led to this assembly?” Pulitzer stuck his thumbs in his vest pocket and rocked back on his heels. He now looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

“Actually, no,” said Alan, crossing his arms over his chest, “but I wish that I had”—

“We started it.”

Every eye in the room shot from Alan O’Dell to Walter Kasprzak and Sarah Jacobs, on their feet and mirroring Alan’s posture. Turning back to look at Pulitzer’s reaction, Jack noticed that Theo and Conrad Duncan—Mike and Ike’s older and younger brothers—were also on their feet. Beside Katherine, Bill and Darcey slowly stood up, and Cami and Annia stood next to Sarah. Jack noticed the teachers around the edge of the room scribbling notes and the sinking feeling in his stomach got worse.

Students around them were whispering furiously at this turn of events. Jack glanced back and saw Davey and Elmer beaming proudly up at their respective siblings. Cora looked a little more like a cornered cat, but still seemed happily surprised by everything going on around her.

“My name is Walter Kasprzak,” Walter said. “My little brother Elmer is one of the Newsies. I’m really proud of him and his friends and everythin’ they’ve done. Their music is amazin’, and I thought they at least deserved the chance to play prom, rather than just bein’ rejected out of hand.”

“And I agreed with him,” said Sarah. “My brother Davey’s in the band too. If other school bands are considered for the dance, there’s no reason that the Newsies shouldn’t be just because the music they play is newer. Like Walt said, the music they play is enjoyable. People our age like it. We want to listen to it. It’s great to dance to. So, we talked it over, and we wanted to do what we could to at least get them considered for the prom.”

“That’s why we came up with the petition,” Theo said. “To give our brothers—‘cause I’ve got two in the band to be proud of—a chance to show their stuff and get the recognition they deserve. If you look over the petition, you’ll find that it’s divided by class, and you’ll notice that there are just as many signatures from the ninth and tenth grade classes as there are from the eleventh and twelfth grade classes. That means that it’s pretty clear: even students who have no vested interest in prom since they won’t be attendin’ it are interested in havin’ the Newsies play it. They think that the band deserves the chance, because they like them and their music.”

“Just because a thing is popular does not mean that it is good or appropriate,” said Pulitzer, almost laughing behind the words. “The music that the Newsies play is wild and unrestrained. If we give into that sort of attitude”—

Before he could finish, Katherine had shot up to her feet and stepped up onto the bench where she’d been sitting. She flung her arms out, threw her head back, and belted: “Times have changed! And we’ve often rewound the clock since the Puritans got a shock”—

“When they landed on Plymouth rock!” Crutchie jumped up and interrupted her to finish the line. They grinned at each other across the gym, then turned to face Pulitzer.

“If today any shock you should try to stem,” Mike popped up like a rabbit, Ike right behind him.

“‘Stead of landing on Plymouth rock,” sang Ike, then the twins slung their arms over each other’s shoulders and belted in unison:

“Plymouth rock should land on them!”

“In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking,” sang Elaine, climbing up onto her seat so that she stood even with Alan.

—“But now, God knows! Anything goes!” Cora hopped up to finish the line. Elaine turned around and they grinned at each other, before turning to glare at Pulitzer.

“Good authors too, who once knew better words,” Davey gave in and stood between Cora and his sister.

“Now only use four-letter words writing prose!” Race popped up, not to be undone by his younger sister. “Anything goes!”

“The world has gone mad today

And good's bad today,

And black's white today,

And day's night today,

When most guys today

That women prize today

Are just silly gigolos!”

Finch was next: “And though I’m not a great romancer, I know that I’m bound to answer when you propose”—

“Anything goes!” sang Mush, standing up next to him.

“When Grandmama whose age is eighty,” Romeo was the next one up, climbing up onto his seat to belt, ever-so-slightly off key, “In nightclubs is getting matey with gigolos!”

“Anything goes!” Elmer shouted.

“When mothers pack and leave poor father because they’ve decided they’d rather be tennis pros,” sang Specs.

“Anything goes!” they all cried before launching into the next chorus:

“If driving fast cars you like,

If low bars you like,

If old hymns you like,

If bare limbs you like,

If Mae West you like

Or me undressed you like,

Why, nobody will oppose!”

“When every night the set that’s smart is intruding on nudist parties in studios!” Blink was next, to his friends’ surprise, given that they’d never heard him sing before.

“Anything goes!” Tommy shrugged and stood up next to Crutchie, who nudged him with his elbow and grinned.

“The world has gone mad today

And good's bad today,

And black's white today,

And day's night today,

When most guys today

That women prize today

Are just silly gigolos!”

Boots and Henry took the next chorus together, the others joining in as it went. Then, JoJo stood for the next line: “And though I’m not a great romancer”—

“I know that I’m bound to answer when you propose!” Spot was on his feet next to JoJo almost instantly, another almost unheard voice from among the band members.

“Anything goes!” Smalls popped up next to Tommy, grinning wickedly.

“If saying your prayers you like,

If green pears you like

If old chairs you like,

If back stairs you like,

If love affairs you like

With young bears you like,

Why nobody will oppose!”

Jack sighed and shook his head. He didn’t like where this was going, but he wasn’t about to abandon his friends again. He stood up to sing the last chorus with his friends. They were no longer the only ones singing; not only had the others who had stood with them—like Sarah, Theo, Bill, and Darcey— started singing as well, but many of the students seated around them had joined in. Even the Delancey twins seemed caught up in the moment, although they weren’t singing. Jack was pretty sure if he ever saw Morris and Oscar Delancey sing he would spontaneously combust.

“And though I’m not a great romancer,

I know that I’m bound to answer when you propose!

Anything goes!”

As the last line died away, almost as if they had rehearsed it, every member of the Newsies filled their lungs with air and shouted as loud as they could, one last time: “Anything goes!”

The gym slowly fell silent again. A few students tried to start a round of applause, but that quickly died out. Pulitzer simply waited for silence to fall and attention to return to him. Once it had, he spoke: “All members of the Newsies, as well as any of you who stood in response to the petition, please take your seats and stay in them. We do know who all of you are, so if you attempt to leave, you will still be punished. All other students are dismissed.”

Jack sat down, a lump in his throat and his hands trembling. That’s what I was afraid of. They sat as still as possible as the rest of the student body filed out. A few whispered encouragement as they passed, but most seemed too afraid of Pulitzer’s retribution to do or say much.

Once the gym had emptied of the other students and teachers, Seitz and Bunsen once again closed the doors, and Pulitzer stepped down from the platform. He accepted a piece of paper from Seitz, who gave an almost apologetic glance to the teenagers before moving aside.

“Sarah Jacobs, Walter Kasprzak, Annia Kasprzak, Theodore Duncan, Conrad Duncan, Camilla Carlotta de la Guerra, William Hearst Jr., Darcey Reid, Alan O’Dell, Katherine Pulitzer,” he read from the sheet of paper. “You are all suspended through the rest of the week. The rest of you,” he looked up, and an evil smile crept over his face, “are expelled. You may collect your belongings from your lockers, and then must leave school property. Once you have left, you may not return to school property for any reason. Officers will escort you in pairs to your lockers. Once they have escorted you out of the school building, you must leave the property. Those of you who are only suspended must leave immediately.”

[idontwanttowhy]

Review: Holiday Love ホリデイラブ (2018)

A frustrating Fatal-Attraction-esque jdrama

Synopsis

Takamori Azu (Riisa Naka) has been leading a seemingly perfect life with her husband, Takamori Junpei (Takashi Tsukamoto) and their daughter Nanaka. However, her world crumbles when she is told that Junpei has been cheating on her with a part-time co-worker, Izutsu Rina (Matsumoto Marika)--by Rina's husband, Izutsu Wataru (Nakamura Tomoya) no less. To make matters worse, she discovers that Rina won't let go of Junpei and is doing everything in her power to destroy their relationship. A rollercoaster of betrayal, mistakes, and obsession ensues.

AC Overall: 8/10, be prepared to be mad

So this drama is about people being unfaithful in their marriages and the tolls that takes on themselves, their relationships, and their families--and ultimately how they dealt with it all. I was very frustrated throughout the drama, partially because of the cheating and partially because of how everything panned out. But what kept me watching was the mistress, Rina's, plans to be with Junpei, despite both his wife's efforts and her husband's efforts to separate them. Be prepared for Fatal Attraction-level obsession. Matsumoto Marika did a great job playing the obsessed, unstable mistress. Give it a watch for the mess of it all, from will-they-won't-they get back together drama and possible revenge cheating, to unhealthy obsessions and extreme ~moves~ because of it. Some of it was predictable, but the execution was creative at times. And it's pretty short, good for a binge.

AC Review (Spoilers, and very long)

Ngl, this drama had me Fuh-RUS-TRA-TED practically the whole time. Bc I 1) could not understand Junpei for cheating and 2) tbh still don't understand how and why Junpei had two women who wanted to be with him. But I digress. Actually no, this whole review is going to be a digression. First ep we see Junpei fucking some other woman and they talking about "I wish I had married you" and love and blah blah blah. Which makes it decidedly not an "I fucked up and my dick slipped" situation. Not that the latter is better bc they're both shit. Idk if it's better if someone "slips up" because of a lack of control, or a strong love towards someone else. Jury's still out. But Junpei whispered sweet-apparently-nothings into this woman's ear for a YEAR, and dead acted like nothing was going on at home. And then had Rina assed out in front of his wife and her husband talking about "I didn't say all that" like suuure want receipts? So ultimately everything was his damn fault. Anyway. My girl Azu, blessherheart, was completely blindsided when Rina's (very attractive though also very abusive but very attractive and why would you want Junpei over him but yeah he's abusive so I get it but if he wasn't then...) husband showed up with a beat-up Junpei talking 'bout "he's fucking my wife, what are we going to do?". And poor Nanaka! The children in both marriages suffered the most bc they really were just innocent bystanders who got caught up in the bull and will probably have some trauma because of it. Like Nanaka was such a happy spirit but got depressed when she lost all her friends! My heart really went out to her.

Anyway anyway. So my girl Azu did the right thing at first--had Junpei's ass sleeping in the car and everything, which I loved, and was determined to divorce him. But then she got tricked into (almost) sleeping with a Japanese Micheal Cera (simultaneously old- and young-looking somehow) by a client-like gurl. I was proud that she stopped it (and he didn't continue without consent) but like, her sister and best friend's response was like "how could you (almost) fuck a stranger" and I'm sitting here like "she was drunk? he was blackmailed into this? she thought she knew him at least a little? and she realized she didn't want to and didn't actually have sex with him? and where was this energy when they found out about Junpei??". And then the best friend proceeded to give shit advice, talking about "don't tell Junpei, it'll ruin his ego" when realistically, she shoulda just told him the minute she decided she wanted to be with him still (which I'll discuss later) bc they were split up at the time, and he did (arguably, though maybe not, still depends on the person's pov) worse. But no, he found out through the mistress (of course!) and thus put Azu in purgatory. Her flip in the decision to be with him again was because he had always been there...which I get (prob bc of my scorpio sun) but ughhh I wish she hadn't welcomed him back so easily. Like yeah, say you still want to be with him, sure, but make him sweat at least a little more? Make him beg? act different? idk. She made him feel too comfortable too quick, which made him feel more entitled to being upset about her and JMichael Cera talking about "I know I shouldn't be mad, kedo..." and making my girl Azu sad, which leads me to...

THE MISTRESS. with her baby voice. wtf. And Junpei couldn't keep his dick in his pants even after all the shit. I mean, they didn't fuck but dude was acting sus again around her, which was just more fodder for her in the end. (His only other female co-worker watching and knowing everything was me the whole time. Like, you dumb, dumb man). He was waaay too nice after all the shit, letting her into his dorm and letting her do him favors so he felt guilty and letting her try to talk him into leaving his wife. I was sooo mad that after all the mess, Junpei still didn't grow any balls to say to her, point-blank, "I'm not leaving my wife, please leave" until way too late for me. And she really, and i mean REALLY, went out of her way to get Azu to cheat and molded him like putty. I had no faith in Junpei. Throughout the whole thing. Dude is spineless. And...so was Wataru, but in the macho-man kind of way. Controlling to hide his insecurities. Violent for no reason (did we need the r. scene? fuck) But in the end, he was the one that caved the least when it came to the cheating, trying to figure out what happened, and taking concrete steps rather than the wishy-washy moves Azu and Junpei were making. And then he grew as a father after kicking Rina out, because then he spent time with the kids (after his mom said she had a life lol) and they ultimately chose him in Tokyo which was super interesting and redeeming...wait wait wait but he was still very abusive and there is no excuse for that. I really had to stop myself--whenever he wasn't yelling at grown ass adults and breaking shit--from thinking that he was a good person. The struggle. But this man really said everyone's dumb, and I low-key agree. I could understand him the most (though it doesn't excuse anything, ik ik). But I would've changed the locks too.

We gotta talk about the best friend too. I watched on viki with the comments, so throughout the show people were like "oh they should be together" and shit, which had me kinda tight because I really appreciate when shows allow for platonic friendship between a cishet- man and woman? Esp without one professing their ever-present love to the other. Dude gave shit advice but ultimately was the only one thinking straight and suspecting Rina was behind it all. And then actually doing the groundwork to prove it. And he sent her new clients when the news of the affair broke and everything. And and he had Nanaka's approval. Honestly there wasn't anything to dislike (except the shit advice...).

The ending tho, was the kicker. Homegirl put on a whole play for the company and really sought to end his life. I expected something, bc how could someone as obsessed as she was just back off? (and he deserved it bc Junpei didn't sacrifice enough for me, got around everyone knowing about his affair but had his wife's business out on the street, didn't have to lose his job like he was supposed to, etc...) but I didn't expect a performance. The flair. A1.

This show didn't necessarily have me gasping (except for that scene)--more like "wow I saw that coming but wow they really did that". Good stuff. And I learned that in Japan if a spouse cheats or otherwise does something that's cause for divorce, they have to pay a compensation fee! Wild.

If you made it to the end of this rant, I appreciate you ;

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

I say the sports festival arc is my favorite but in reality we all know that just means “‘it’s your quirk not his!’/‘it’s your power Todoroki!’ lives in my head rent free” I don’t even necessarily like the other parts that much.

I mean don’t get me wrong the other Midoriya-centric parts? Love those. Him strategizing his way to first place in the first round without ever using his quirk? So fucking cool I’m proud so proud of him. Him in the second round choosing his team, specifically picking some people and having some people come to him and then figuring out the most effective way to use all their skills (and Iida having his moment to shine on Todoroki’s team)?! Incredible thank you. Midoriya inspiring so many characters to do their best to beat him including Iida, Uraraka, and Todoroki?! Amazing 10/10. Him fighting Shinsou and sympathizing with him but being unable to reveal he understood how he felt and the fact that what provoked Midoriya to get brainwashed wasn’t an insult about him but one about his classmate/friend? Super interesting (though how he broke out of Shinsou’s control was weird & kinda unsatisfying & confusing but whatever I wanted him to win sorry Shinsou)!!!

But like,,, if it’s not about Midoriya, chances are I didn’t like that part of the arc (and I swear this isn’t just me being a Midoriya stan, the parts that didn’t involve Midoriya were just generally disappointing to me) like,,, Midnight???? She’s “the R rated heroine”, who decided it was a good idea for her to work at a school for children? She made a comment that a student’s decision “turned her on” like wtf they’re 15 that’s nasty and illegal? Why can’t Horikoshi write female characters right wtf. I don’t have a problem with her being sexual but her being sexual in an environment with kids and especially towards the kids is gross af!! Even if her comments are just part of her hero persona (which is something I’ve seen people argue), that’s not acceptable in an environment where there are children and she needs to be replaced (also not relevant but her costume is ugly af and horikoshi apparently doesn’t know how boobs work).

The fact that class 1B actually had a really good plan and effectively used their teamwork skills was really cool but of course since they decided to go against Bakugou, they had to fail despite their extensive pre planning. Yes I know that Bakugou is really strong and super determined, but Monoma had figured out almost to the exact number how many students would make it to the next round and analyzed 1A’s quirks and specifically chose his team to be the most effective so I think it would be so interesting if they could’ve made it to the next round (and I’m not even saying Bakugou shouldn’t have made it to the next round, there’s four spots available. Could’ve had him run into Shinsou during the cavalry battle which I think would actually be super interesting considering how easily provoked he is, and if he won against Shinsou it would’ve been interesting to see him go against Monoma in the tournament, if he didn’t win against Shinsou he would’ve gotten the learning experience of actually losing and realizing he can’t just assume he’s better than everyone and can automatically beat them).

Also the Bakugou vs. Uraraka fight? She should’ve won. Bakugou had been using his quirk a LOT throughout the sports festival and he SUPPOSEDLY gets backlash on his hands when he uses his quirk too much. Uraraka was smart and had a solid strategy, one that nobody predicted, and she utilized a LOT of rubble, yet Bakugou, after using his quirk numerous times to explode her, was apparently able to summon a giant explosion which he seemingly received no backlash for at the time. It just doesn’t seem right, and I personally think it would’ve been much more interesting for Bakugou “I’m gonna win” Katsuki to suffer an actual loss & start to realize that he can’t just look down on everybody and assume he’s better than them. Also I hate that people use this fight to be like “omg feminist king Bakugou!” as if he didn’t 1) change his entire fighting strategy (mostly staying on the defensive, only exploding when Uraraka got near, letting her rush him vs. his usual charging at other people, explosions blazing) for his fight with Uraraka, something he didn’t do for any of his male opponents, and 2) assume Midoriya gave her her strategy, not that she was smart enough to come up with it herself.

While we’re talking about unsatisfying fights involving girls, the whole last part of the sports festival deserves a mention. Yeah Shiozaki and Ashido easily got through round one, but then they were pretty much immediately picked off after that so what’s the point? Shiozaki beat Kaminari easily, but then was pushed out of the ring by Iida (no hate to Iida, love him & he deserved his third place win, but it just seemed a bit too easy for him to beat an opponent who had almost effortlessly beaten Kaminari the round before). Ashido won against Aoyama, but similar to Shiozaki, Tokoyami beats her easily. Momo, who up to this point had been pretty confident and sure of herself and her abilities, and had been shown to be pretty adept at using her quirk and thinking on the spot, was suddenly overcome with self doubt and was beaten by Tokoyami in the first round in like 8 seconds like wtf. Mei, who it would’ve been interesting to see what she did if she advanced in the tournament, voluntarily stepped down in the first round because she was only interested in showing off her support items. I know the series isn’t focused on the girls but seriously none of them made it past the second round of the tournament (not to mention the fact that way fewer of them qualified for the third round than the boys)?

Since I’m talking about the girls in conjunction with the sports festival, I feel like I’ve got to briefly mention the cheerleading outfit scene, which I obviously hate for multiple reasons (m*neta being gross, kaminari going along with m*neta despite the fact that he’s actually FRIENDS with the girls and in doing so he is betraying their trust - I could write a whole separate post about kaminari and why he interests and frustrates me but in not gonna do that here cause this post is already too fucking long -, some of the girls being uncomfortable in the outfits, especially after realizing they’d been tricked, etc) but I feel like those r obvious problems so I’m not gonna spend time unpacking that cause it’ll just make me angry. Neways.

The Bakugou vs. Tokoyami fight was kinda disappointing in that he had been such a tough opponent for the girls but is easily defeated by Bakugou (and yeah I know it’s cause Bakugou’s quirk was a bad matchup for Tokoyami but how convenient it was that Bakugou’s quirk just HAPPENED to be Tokoyami’s one weakness (and how come Dark Shadow was that strong earlier, it was really bright out and he even fended off Bakugou, explosions and all? But I digress)).

In the Bakugou vs. Todoroki fight I don’t necessarily disagree with Bakugou winning since it made sense for Todoroki to use only half of his power bc you don’t magically get through trauma in a day (although tbh I think if Todoroki was completely on his game and not distracted trying to start processing the fact that his fire is his he could’ve won against Bakugou, fire or no fire, BECAUSE they’ve both been using their quirks all day, BUT while Bakugou’s quirk had a physical drawback that should’ve weakened him, aka the aforementioned joint pain or w/e - and reminder that Bakugou used his quirk a LOT in the first and second tests, as well as a LOT against Uraraka, and a LOT/for a long time against Kirishima and some against Dark Shadow, so even with resting periods in between matches, unless he got healed by recovery girl which I find unlikely both because I think he would’ve seen it as an insult implying he couldn’t win in his current state and because UA and recovery girl both have a concerning attitude towards healing children, his hands should be in a LOT of pain and he should be over his limit - whereas Todoroki, while also having used his quirk a lot, had the advantage that the drawbacks of his quirk cancel each other out, and even if he wasn’t using his fire DURING matches, he obviously used it some in between - for example, to melt sero out - so he doesn’t have lasting drawbacks in the same way that Bakugou does, AND he trained for 10 years with the number 2 hero, which while end//vor is an absolutely awful person he’s obviously good at fighting meanwhile Bakugou’s only “training” that we know of prior to UA was using his quirk to bully people and even if he HAD trained I don’t think his training would match end//vor’s training so yeah that was a really fucking long winded way of saying I think Todoroki would win if he wasn’t distracted) and it made sense for Bakugou to not think of his win as a win because Todoroki wasn’t trying his best (and had brought out his full power against MIDORIYA, who Bakugou hates).

That being said I obviously have problems with how Bakugou treated Todoroki cause like,,, what the fuck he overheard him telling Midoriya about his trauma and then was a complete and absolute dick about it. Granted Midoriya didn’t handle it quite right either, but he was mostly doing it to help Todoroki rather than prove himself by beating him (don’t get me wrong Midoriya absolutely wanted to win, but once he found out Todoroki’s story he deemed helping Todoroki was more important than winning whereas Bakugou’s first priority was obviously still proving himself) so I still don’t really like that fight (and another thing: it’s really hard to watch Bakugou be so aggressive towards Todoroki after he decides not to use his fire like ik he’s mad bc he thinks Todoroki insulted him by not trying his hardest but that’s uhh none of his fucking business he even fucking KNOWS why Todoroki has such hang ups about using his fire and still!! Registers it as an insult!! He’s smart he should be able to see that some of the reason Todoroki used fire against Midoriya is Midoriya fucking SURPRISED HIM. Even if the people in the stands/watching the broadcast couldn’t hear what they were saying - I don’t remember if they could or not - it should’ve been obvious that Midoriya said SOMETHING that impacted Todoroki enough to get him to use his fire. Bakugou’s approach of yelling at him about it obviously wasn’t gonna work like it worked for Midoriya because Todoroki had already been thrown off too much by Midoriya and hadn’t had time to process it, and nothing that Bakugou said to him was a new emotional revelation. Todoroki himself later states the reason he used the fire at all in the Midoriya fight was that he forgot all about end//vor) and anyways I think the final shoudve been Todoroki vs. Uraraka.

Finally, though I’m obviously not a Bakugou stan, the fact that they fucking muzzled and restrained him just so they could force him to accept a medal he didn’t want? That’s fucked up like I know UA does a really bad job of caring for its students but who thought that was a good idea. Who?!?! It’s probably pretty fucking traumatizing to be muzzled like an animal in front of a crowd of LITERALLY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE and have that played off as a joke, not to mention the fact that I seriously doubt being restrained is a good experience for him after the sludge villain. If he doesn’t want the medal he doesn’t want the damn medal, either give the gold to Todoroki and the silver and bronze to Iida and Tokoyami or just don’t hand out the gold medal your ceremony isn’t more important than the well-being of your students!

(Also while I’m talking about the well being of UA students uhh why the fuck did UA think HAVING the sports festival was a good idea in the first place? They hype it up so much that students are willing to seriously injure themselves over a fucking sporting event in the name of “plus ultra”, not to even mention the fact that it SHOWCASES THE QUIRKS AND BY DESIGN DISPLAYS THE WEAKNESSES OF THESE STUDENTS WHO ARE TRAINING TO BE HEROES WHICH IS A HIGHLY DANGEROUS JOB ON LIVE FUCKING TELEVISION SO THAT ANYONE COULD EXPLOIT THEM - something literally every other school takes advantage of at the provisional license exams! Like,, literally Who thought this was a good idea???)

In conclusion, I hate love hate the sports festival arc and the writing really annoys me

[nights-pdf]

a/n: this is my first time writing something and feeling good enough to post it. id appreciate any and all constructive criticism. ik im not the best writer and i want to get better so pls share and help me out. ty. i hope you enjoy.

warnings: depression & anxiety are both mentioned. i dont think i went too far into detail but pls be aware for your mental health. also kinda angsty.

roses: a.i.

Ashton and I have never been one for secrets, or at least I didn’t think we were, but things have been different. He has been ignoring me for almost three weeks now, only talking to me when I show up at his house, demanding to at least see him. To see that physically he’s okay. Mike and Luke will only talk to me if I don’t bring him up. As soon as I mention Ashton they suddenly ‘have to go’ and hurry to hang up. Cal will continue to talk to me but he totally ignores whatever questions I ask about him.

I was on Instagram and I saw Ashton on Luke’s story, the first time I’ve seen him in a week and a half. That’s how I ended up on Luke’s porch, working up the courage to ring the damn bell. He hasn’t left you with any options. He’s ignoring you, your other friends aren’t hanging out with you, he brought this on himself.

I press the doorbell, listening to the soft chime echoing in the house and I hear fast approaching footsteps. “Coming!” A voice calls out and within seconds the door is pulled open and I catch Sierra’s bright smile. 

“Dee, I- hi.” She says, her smile faulting and my heart breaks. I was hoping she wasn’t here. I was praying that she didn’t listen to me cry about my fear of losing Ashton and then play board games with him the next day. But she was. 

“This was stupid.” I mumble quickly, fighting off the tears that are threatening to spill and Sierra reaches out for my hand. 

“No, no, it’s not stupid.” She consoles and I shake my head, yanking my hand out of reach.

“I’ll leave you guys to yourselves. Just, um, just tell him that I’m sorry— for whatever I did.” I tell her with a tight smile. 

“Si! What are you doing, it’s your turn?!” Ashton shouts from deeper in the house. 

“Give me a minute!” She says quickly, stepping out onto the porch with me and closing the door. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could’ve explained it all to you, but it wasn’t my place. I tried literally parent trapping you and Ashton but he always canceled and I— it’s no excuse, but I’m sorry.” She says, her brown eyes softening and I shake my head. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I just—“ I take a deep breath, calming my anxiety while I make an arguably regrettable decision that’ll change my life in mere seconds. “I’m not gonna be in LA much longer and I thought it was insensitive to just drop that in the group chat or something.” I tell her and her eyes widen.

“What? You’re— you’re leaving?” She asks and I nod. “What about the boys? The band— I mean you’ve been a crew member forever.” She adds and I shake my head. 

“It’s hard working with a band that won’t talk to you, Si.” I tell her softly and the front door opens. Si and I both turn to see all four boys stuffed in the doorway. 

“Dee.” Luke says, clearing his throat and elbowing Calum, who’s beside him, in the stomach. 

“Hey, Dee.” Cal says and I smile softly. 

“Hey, I was— I was just leaving.” I tell them, turning around and someone catches my wrist. I turn to face Sierra and she drops my hand. 

“You tell them.” She says and I shake my head. 

“Tell us what?” Michael ask and she quirks an eyebrow. 

“I’m taking my friends offer to go on tour with her.” I tell them, turning to face the boys and my eyes catch Ashton’s. “She’s based in New York City, so I’m moving out there.” I add and Luke is the first to speak.

“You’re leaving? When?” He asks and I shrug. 

“Probably by the end of the month.” I tell him and Ashton shakes his head. 

“You’re just gonna leave? Forget the past what— six years?” He asks and I shake my head. 

“You have no right to be mad at me. You haven’t spoken to me in almost three weeks. I only know you’re okay because I see you in their stories. You want to walk away? Fine, but don’t be mad because I’m walking away too.” I tell him, brushing away the tears and he shakes his head. 

“You think I don’t miss you?” He asks softly and I shake my head. 

“Then why did you leave?! You said you’d never leave! You’d never do what they did to me! You said you’d never hurt me and I fucking believed you!” I let the tears stream down my face, not caring about anything anymore. 

“Please, I’m sorry.” He says, his eyes softening at the sight of my tears and he steps closer. 

“No,” I step back, “No, you lost that. You lost the right to be mad at me, or to console me, you all have. You could’ve been fucking honest and you all chose to lie to me and ignore me.” 

“Dee, come on, we’ve all made mistakes—” 

“You don’t accidentally lie to your friend for weeks. You accidentally spill milk, or touch a hot pan, you don’t— you chose to lie to me, you chose to push me away. That’s not a mistake.” I cut Cal off and I shake my head. 

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry for ruining your game night.” I tell them, turning around and walking down the porch stairs, I walk over to my car, everything silent except for the heel of my boots hitting the cement. I reach my car, unlocking it and slipping it. My gaze travels to the porch, looking at the people I had grown to love like family and my eyes stop on Ashton. Luke’s arm is around his shoulder, clearly saying something to him and Ashton’s eyes meet mine. My heart breaks at his expression, the truth setting in that I had hurt him the same way he hurt me. 

The thought makes my stomach turn but I don’t have the strength to step out of my car. Instead I open spotify and start playing anything to fill the void. I pull out of the driveway, turning up the volume and trying to silence the deafening thoughts running through my mind. 

~

I’ve been packing for two weeks, and fielding calls from the boys and their management. Well all the boys except one. The one I really want to hear from. The one that would say “stay,” and I would drop everything for. 

Maybe it’s good that I’m leaving. I mean, falling in love with your best friend is a bad idea already and although I wasn’t sure of it before I am now. I loved Ashton, in the most inconvenient way possible, so maybe this space will be good for me.

Or at least that’s what I try to convince myself when I feel empty. When the anxiety and depression wins and I wake up in the middle of the night on the floor— typically the bathroom floor— with an empty stomach and pounding headache.

Then I remember Ashton always being there. Picking me up, taking care of me, loving me in the way I never thought I deserved and the thoughts send me spiraling and walking up on the floor again. 

I finish applying my lipstick, biting back the tears that I know will inevitably be shed by the end of the night, and step away from the mirror. I grab my clutch, checking for my phone, keys and wallet before strapping on my shoes and heading downstairs. 

Everyone had insisted that we had one last night out, a final goodbye and send off before I leave tomorrow morning and I had agreed. I walk out to my car and quickly start the ride to the restaurant. I focus on the music, never giving myself enough time to get lost in my thoughts and I get to the restaurant faster than expected. 

I step out of my car and spot Calum almost immediately. He’s turned around, preoccupied with something and I run up behind him, placing my hands over his eyes and he laughs softly. 

“You’re a child.” He mumbles, spinning around to face me and I drop my arms. 

“You love me.” I tell him with a smile and he opens his arms for a hug. I step into his embrace, squeezing him tightly and he does the same. 

“You look beautiful.” He says, stepping back and I smile softly. 

“Thank you.” I tuck my hair behind my ear, the curls already getting in my way and he smiles sadly. “You wanted to talk before dinner?” I prompt and he nods. 

“Yeah, I have a gift for you and a few things to say.” He says with a smile. “First, I wanted to apologize. I never should’ve lied to you and I shouldn’t have let Ashton. I was so blinded by the thought of protecting my brother that I didn’t think to protect my best friend.” He says and I shake my head.

“It’s okay, I get it, and I don’t blame any of you guys. I seriously don’t.”

“With that being said, I also wanted to congratulate you. I wish you didn’t have to leave but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what felt right to you, no matter what. You deserve the world, Dee, but you have to take it.” He says with a soft smile and I wipe at the single tear that’s escaped. 

“This is from us— all of us— to you. No matter what happens, what you do, we’ll always be cheering you on and we will always love you.” He says, pulling a velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to me. I carefully take it, giving him my clutch to hold and opening the box to see a delicate, silver necklace, a beautiful rose hanging off it and I smile warmly. It’s almost an exact replica of Ashton’s tattoo and I don’t know if they did it on purpose, but I want to believe they did. 

I can see Ashton pointing out the necklace with a smile, fully knowing how similar it is to his tattoo and the rest of the group agreeing, simply because of my love of roses. I brush away the invisible tears at the thought, choosing that no matter what the story actually is, that’s what it’ll mean to me.

“Cal,” I whisper softly, looking up to meet his eyes and he smiles despite the tears filling his eyes. 

“You like it?” He asks and I nod.

“I love it.” 

“Here, let me put it on you.” He suggests and I nod. We trade off once again and I spin around, pulling my hair up with one hand and he slips it around my neck. “Done.” He whispers when he clasps it and I let my hair fall. I spin back around with a bright smile and he nods. 

“Thank you.” I tell him, toying with the small rose and he nods.

“It was a group thing but everyone agreed that they’d cry like babies so it was decided that I’d give it to you.” He says with a smile and I giggle. “Ready to head in?” He asks, opening his hand for me to take and I nod slowly.

“I just— is he in there?” I ask him, unsure of what answer I’m hoping for and he slowly shakes his head. 

“Luke, Mike and I all tried to get him to come but he wouldn’t.” He says and I nod slowly. I place my hand in his, giving him a tight squeeze before nodding again, this time with more confidence. 

“Let’s go.” I tell him and he nods. We both walk into the restaurant, being led straight to our table after Calum gave the hostess his name. 

“Dee! You look so good!” Sierra says as soon as she sees me and I embrace her in a tight hug. 

“Thank you.” I whisper, holding her tight and she does the same. After we separate, I go around the table, hugging everyone and finally I sit down. There’s an empty seat at the end of the table— the seat that had been saved for Ashton— and the sight breaks my heart. Every time Michael or Crystal address me I have to fight my hardest to not look at the seat and break out into tears.

Despite the nagging reminder that Ashton isn’t there, dinner is amazing and after bidding my goodbyes, I step outside and feel a few drops of rain. I step back, underneath the overhang provided by the restaurant and Calum appears next to me. With almost impeccable timing a crack of thunder is heard and it starts pouring. 

“How many times is this gonna happen to us?” Calum asks, shrugging off his jacket and lifting it over our heads. 

“I’m starting to think this is just gonna be Our Thing™.” I joke and he laughs loudly. 

“Ready?” He asks and I shake my head. 

“Let me take off my heels.” I tell him and he nods. He offers his arm as stability and I start working my heels off.

“Good idea.” He mumbles. I eventually get both heels off and with my clutch and heels in hand and Calum’s jacket over us we run off into the rain. “Are you gonna get home safe?” Calum asks as we reach my car.

“I’ll be okay.” I tell him and he nods. 

“Text me.” He mumbles quickly as I open my door. He presses a quick kiss to my cheek before running off and I get into my car. I start the ride to my house, driving slower this time because of the rain and finally, in the peace of my own car, I let go and feel the tears falling. 

I couldn’t tell you if I’m crying because I’m leaving or Ashton not showing up. Or maybe it’s because the talk Calum and I had before dinner. Or the fact that I always run when things get difficult. I don’t know what it is, but once the tears start they don’t stop and when I stop in front of my house I don’t bother pulling into the driveway. Instead I keep driving, finding myself heading towards the hills and I calm down at the prospect of fixing everything. 

I just have to be honest. Honest about everything and maybe, even if things aren’t the same, they’ll be better. I just have to tell him the truth. I just have to tell him that I love him.

I run out of my car as soon as it’s in park, sprinting up the unnecessary long path to his front door and I ring the doorbell, feeling a surge of confidence, anxiety and impatience all at once. I fold my arms over my chest, trying my best to warm up but it’s nearly impossible when my dress and hair are absolutely soaked. I try the doorbell again, the confidence waning and anxiety and impatience doubling. 

“C’mon, Irwin. Please.” I mumble under my breath, reaching into my clutch to grab my phone and I quickly dial his number. Unshockingly it goes right to voicemail and I groan loudly. “Irwin, stop being a dick, it’s pouring and I’m freezing.” I mumble, stuffing my phone back in my clutch and ringing the doorbell again. And again, and again, until he finally pulls the door open. 

“I told you I’m not fuckin—” The words die on his tongue when his eyes land on mine. 

“Dee? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” He asks, snapping out of his thoughts and I take in the details of his face. The bags under his eyes are more prominent then they’ve probably ever been and my heart breaks at the thought. His eyes look a bit darker, like they always did when he was upset and I shake my head, pulling myself out of those thoughts. 

“I, um, I needed to talk to you.” I tell him and he quirks an eyebrow.

“You didn’t get it all out before?” He bites and I shake my head.

“I’m here to apologize, okay? I’m sorry for whatever I did, I’m sorry for whatever made you hate me and if I could I would go back and fix it all but I can’t. All I can do is apologize and pray to whoever will listen that you won’t hate me for the rest of your life.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard or asked for too much from you. I’m sorry that I was selfish because I was. I took and took and took from you because it was easy, because you made me feel loved and I never felt that before. I’m sorry if I loved too hard or I made things difficult. I’m sorry for every possible thing I did that would have pushed you away. 

“But I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for giving you everything I could. I wish things could’ve ended differently but I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I won’t ever apologize for that, Ashton, because I did, I loved you in the most unconventional way possible and I loved every second of it too.” I tell him, not caring about the tears that escaped and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. 

“That’s all I had to say: I’m sorry, and I love you.” I tell him finally happy after weeks of feeling miserable. Happy because I spoke my truth and no matter what happens next, I know I tried and that’ll have to be enough. I spin on the heels of my feet, walking away from his door and almost halfway to my car I feel a tug on my hand. Ashton spins me around, his hands coming up to my cheeks and his lips are on mine. 

Once the shock wears off, my hands cup his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer as I kiss him back. His tongue runs over my sealed lips and I don’t hesitate to let him in. My hands slip into his hair, tangling into the rain-soaked knots and he slowly pulls away. “Come inside,” He breathes into the air between us and I nod. 

“Okay.” I whisper and he smiles softly. 

“I love you too, darling. I always have.” He whispers and I press my lips to his once more.

[ikenbar]

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice Pt 7

Warnings: Lucien fluff, deep thoughts w/ Sam, sassy Victors, plot twists, ends to chapters, and cliff hangers. and this one is a dozy :D

(Chapter One parts one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven here :))

((Please read the author’s note on part one if you’re new here :D))

AS A HEADS UP!! This is the last part to chapter one. I know I know, depressing. But Chapter two is currently in production and will be published as soon as it is finished! Stay tuned for that!! I have many big things planned but, for now, enjoy the last part to chapter one :D

Chapter one:

Part Seven:

Everyone was settled around the dinner table and prepared to start eating their food. Lucien and I were sitting across from each other in the middle of the table. Even though Bart had insisted we sat next to each other, I told him it would be a better way to hold a conversation. Though the fact was I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

We sat in silence for a bit, eating our spaghetti, but it didn’t take long until Maria had sparked up a conversation. “So, Lucien,” Maria asked happily as she poured some cut-up spaghetti onto Lola’s highchair table, which Lola promptly flattened with her small hands, “You told us you were away from Loveland for study?” 

“That’s correct.” He responded politely as he prepared food onto his fork.

“What did you study?”

“I’m afraid it is still an ongoing study so I cannot converse about it yet.” Lucien’s voice was like butter as he spoke. He was such a gentleman. It made me uncomfortable.

“Oo!” Sam chimed in from next to me, “Does it have to do with superpowers?! If it does, can I be a test subject?!” I choked on my food.

“Sam!” Maria exclaimed.

“No, no, It’s alright.” Lucien laughed, “I’m afraid it isn’t, Sam. But I will keep you in mind if we ever get to it.” Sam beamed and looked up at me hopefully. I raised an eyebrow at him through my glass of water, drinking away the remaining spaghetti lodged in my throat.

“What kind of work do you normally do, Lucien?” Maria asked, hoping to return the attention to him. As Lucien spoke, the phone in my pocket buzzed. I stealthily took it out to find I had a message from an unknown number. Confused, I opened it.

 I have decided.

 Who could this-...? I hitched my breath and I felt the blood in my body pool to my feet. Could it be… 

What a rude way to start a conversation.

I replied, hoping to loosen myself up for the answer to come. The reply was almost instantaneous.

 …

Do you want the funding or not?

 ...Wait, did he just say yes?!

 Is that a yes? 

It’s not a no.

Holy balls that’s a yes!

Meet me in my office this Friday at 3 to discuss where we are to go from here. I’ll have Goldman call you tomorrow to discuss details.

 “Speaking of work,” Bart’s loud voice pulled me from my state of shock. I quickly looked up and regained my composure to the table, “Ike, you had something you wanted to tell me? About the meeting at LFG?”

“You went to LFG?!” Chris exclaimed, looking at me with huge eyes, “I have been trying to get a hold of them for years! Why were you there?” I was slow to answer, still being in shock, so Bart answered for me.

“She had an interview about funding with the big CEO himself!” Bart answered excitedly, cutting me off.

“Bart!” Maria scoffed, “You know how bad Ike with interviews!! How could you make her do that?!”

“Come on, Maria. Have some faith in me! I know what I’m doing!” Bart put his hand on my shoulder and beamed at me, “I knew she could handle it!” Maria opened her mouth to retaliate but I finally found my voice.

“I did it.” I said it softly, but it was enough to silence the room of all noises, “I did it. I… I got the funding.” There was a casual cheerful praise that came from everyone in the room. Bart took a different approach.

“I knEW IT!” Bart exclaimed happily, standing from the table and lifting me in a warm embrace, “I knEW I could trust you with that interview!” My phone clanked to the floor as he spun me around. Lola screamed playfully as she watched Bart carry me around the room.

“Bart, be careful!” Maria said through her laughs, “You’ll break her!” Bart dropped me on to the ground only to hug me again, this time tightly and with more intimacy.

“I’m so proud of you.” He said into my shoulder. My heart fluttered slightly.

“Thanks, Bart.” I said, patting him on the back, “But next time, give me at least a day’s notice. I’m pretty sure Victor only gave me this because he felt bad for me.” Bart gave a jolly laugh and pulled away from me.

“Victor?! Feel sorry!? I doubt it.” He rolled his eyes as we walked back to our seats. Ashton pulled one side of his earphones off from his head.

“Why was dad wrestling Ike?” He asked with a monotone voice.

“Ike just got a lot of money for her company!” Sam said, taking his turn to hug me as I sat back down.

“Oh.” Ashton deadpanned, returning his gaze to his phone as he replaced his headphones.

“Congrats, Evie!” Sam said, rubbing his face on mine, “You’re amazing!”

“Congratulations, Ikamara.” Lucien said from across the table. I looked up at him and we locked eyes. Though he didn’t know me well, I could tell his congrats was meaningful. I nodded to him.

“Thank you.” I said giving Sam a pat. Sam let go of me and handed me my phone, which he had courteously picked up as I was being attacked by Bart. I opened it back up to see I still hadn’t responded to Victor. I quickly typed back:

 Thank you for this opportunity, sir. We won’t let you down.

 I was in the kitchen washing the dishes as everyone was enjoying each other’s company in the dining room. Lucien offered to help but I insisted on working alone. I thought being alone would be the best way to celebrate a job well done. Actually, the best way would be to head to St. Richard’s pub and buy a round for everyone there, but time alone would have to do.

I wiped my hands and pulled out my phone. I opened Victor’s messages and read the last message he had sent for the umpteenth time tonight: Don’t be late. A small smirk crept onto my face.  I had done it. Me! Ikamara Bikira! Funded our show with an interview! I carefully closed the messages and returned to the dishes with a new purpose.

I dried the last plate and prepared to put it back in its place in the cupboard, though the stack of plates was already tall and getting to be hard to reach. I moved to roll on my tiptoes, but a hand came from behind me and took the plate. I quickly turned around and watched as Lucien placed the plate on top of the others without any trouble. “Th-thanks.” I muttered, slightly taken aback. Lucien smiled down at me.

“You’re welcome.” He looked meaningfully in my eyes. He had me locked between the counter and his arm as he looked over me. I felt myself shrink slightly in my shoes. Someone finally had his eyes set on me and I really didn’t want any of it. Lucien was nice and all but he was a scientist. He would just use me and my past as an experiment. Besides, I wasn’t ready to open up to anyone. And with mister. therapist here, I know all he’ll want to do is break me open like a pinata.

 Lucien reached up to touch my face. I quickly caught his hand. His eyes flashed with surprise. But then his normal soft face returned as he chuckled. I raised my eyebrow. He sighed and moved his hand from mine. He brushed my cheek and revealed that I had a few bubbles on my face. “You look like you were having fun with the soap.” His voice made it sound like I was a child who had been caught having fun in a bubble bath. I felt my face flush as I went to wipe any access he may have missed. Anger and embarrassment toiled in my chest.

“I’m not a child.” I muttered, pushing away from his hold. 

“I’m sorry.” He said in a soft tone, “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Yes… no… I don’t know.” I huffed as I leaned over the sink, “I’m just… What are you doing here? Go have fun with the others.” I felt Lucien come closer to me.

“You’re just what?” He asked seriously.

“What?”

“You started saying something but you cut yourself off. You can tell me. I won’t get angry.”

I paused, ready to push him back again, but something about his intense stare made it hard to refuse his questions, “... confused. I’m just… confused.”

“What is confusing to you?” Lucien’s face grew closer to mine again. I reflexively tensed my shoulders, “Maybe I can help clear-”

“That confuses me.” I poked Lucien’s nose, “You. Everything about you is confusing.” Lucien took my hand, pulling it from his face. His hand was warm. I felt the warmth melt away the cold from my fingertips and make its way down and throughout my hand. I quickly pulled away and took a few steps away from him. He shouldn’t waste his warmth on me. I leaned on the sink, my back facing it. 

“I don’t think I understand what you mean.”

“This whole evening I’ve been unapproachable and rude. I impolitely responded to your questions, I pried into your life, and I have pushed you away more than once. Not to mention, my family told you all about how messed up I am. Every other man who came into this house left before dinner even hit the table. So, answer me this, Lucien, why are you still here?” Lucien’s eyes lingered on me for a moment before he looked down in thought. 

“I am a scientist.” He carefully said after a long pause, “I see the world around me as something that I can constantly observe and build from. I make hypotheses and find the conclusions. I’ve been very successful in my findings.”

“...and?”

Lucien came closer to me. His eyes were locked on mine.

“And,” Lucien’s tone was so gentle, it sounded as if he was scared his words might break me, “I can’t quite understand you.”

“You’ve just met me.” I said defiantly.

“Right. And I would like to build off that. To get to know you better so I may treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That is,” Lucien moved in front of me. He took my hands before I realized what was happening, “if you would let me.” the sudden intimate motion made me flustered.

“I-I-...” I cleared my throat and evaded his eyes. They were altering my thoughts, “You want to get to know me better so you can find a conclusion to your ‘experiment?’”

“You can think of it that way if you’d like.” Lucien chuckled. My expression tensed slightly. I was right, I was just an experiment to him. Lucien seemed to catch on to my thoughts and sighed, “Don’t take it the wrong way. My intentions are to use the information to treat you the way you deserve. The way every man should...,” Lucien leaned slightly closer to me and lifted my chin so I faced him, “The way only I could.”

Lucien’s eyes had locked onto mine. I hesitated. My first impression of him was mistrust. Would giving him a chance really be a good choice? I searched his eyes for answers but all I could see was the unique violet shining inside of them. The kind of violet that a twilight sky could hold. The kind of violet I could get lost in...

“Geez. Can you guys finish this love fest someplace else.” A voice from the kitchen doorway made me jump. I looked around Lucien and saw Christopher standing with Sam in the doorway. Chris gave me a look of pure mockery. “We have ice cream we need to retrieve.” Being pulled from Lucien’s eyes brought me back to my senses.

“I’ll get it.” I retrieved my hands from Lucien and moved to the fridge. I pulled out the ice cream and turned around to find Lucien standing in front of me. He had his hand out and, inside it, was a business card.

“What’s this?” I asked suspiciously.

“My card.” Lucien’s tone was apologetic, “I’m afraid I have business I need to attend to before the night is over. Bart tells me you are the co-head of the Ike ‘n Bar Productions Company. If you ever need a consultant for an episode, or if you just need to talk, give me a call. Besides, you still haven’t answered my question.” I hesitated for a moment before taking the card. Before I could pull the card away, Lucien pulled my hand to his face, giving it a slight peck. “Until we meet again.” He smiled gently at me before finally letting me go. He walked towards the boys and wished them a good night as he left the room. I watched him in a trance as he left. Maybe…

I quickly shook my head and shoved the card in my pocket. I tossed the icecream to Chris who caught it swiftly. “I’m sorry, Ike.” He started awkwardly, “I didn’t-”

“Don’t be.” I said putting my hands in my pockets, “I was uncomfortable anyway. You got the bowls?” I tried hard to change the subject. Chris opened his mouth but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll get it!” Sam said cheerfully, running into the kitchen, “Chris, you can go ahead and get everyone’s icecream orders ready!” Christopher gave him a skeptical look. His face changed to realization and he nodded.

“Rightio!” He said, smiling his normal smile again. He turned on his heel and left. I rolled my eyes and directed my attention to Sam.

“What do you want, Sam?” I sighed, walking towards him. Sam opened his mouth with an intention to rebuke. I raised my eyebrow. He closed his mouth.

“What do you think about Lucien?” He said bravely. I rolled my eyes again and huffed.

“What is it with you people and getting hooking me up?!” I couldn’t hold back my temper any longer, “How often do I have to say that I’m ok with being alone.”

“Because you used the word ‘alone!’” Sam matched my tense energy, “Alone is a word that lonely people would use!” Sam puffed out his cheeks. My eyebrows knitted slightly. Before I could say a word, Sam continued, “I couldn’t care less if you started dating him. What I do care about is how you are shutting him out without giving him a chance! Ike, you have such a bad problem with trust!”

“I do not!”

“Oh yeah?! What was the first thing you thought when you saw him?” Sam folded his hands across his chest. I thought for a moment… Something about him hiding something came to mind. Sam sighed at my silence. When he spoke again, his tone was noticeably softer, “Ike, I get that there are things in your past that affected the way you can trust, but how long are you going to use it as an excuse? Lucien thinks a lot like you do. But he uses his knowledge to better improve people. While you had your head stuck in your phone at dinner, he talked about how he teaches college students and little kids science! He just wants to help people. It’s ok to not be ready for a relationship, but can you try to make friends? Would you… do it for me?” The look in Sam’s eyes was much older than his true age. Sam had this way of speaking that made me believe that he had an old man’s spirit locked inside of him. Which made it all the harder to refuse him.

 I sighed and rubbed Sam’s head. “You are wise beyond your years, kiddo.” The tone of my voice was proof of me caving into his words. He held onto my hand and smiled up at me.

“Is that a yes?!”

“It’s not a no.” I smiled. Sam jumped into my stomach and squeezed me tightly, “Now go bring the bowls to the hungry family before they eat you instead.” I said, pushing Sam off of me. Sam giggled and happily took a stack of bowls and a handful of spoons to the dining room.

I watched him leave with a soft smile. That smile soon left as I pulled out my phone and Lucien’s card. I sighed and typed the number into my messaging app and sent the following message: 

Lucien, this is Ike. I’m going to take you up on your offer to help my show. I am making a show on super abilities and I’d like to touch on how psychology fits into that. Are you interested? 

My thumb hovered over the send button for a second. Was I really about to do this? My instinct told me to not trust him. Do I trust my instinct, or do I trust…?

 I pressed the send button immediately. There was no debate. I trusted Sam way more than anything. Not even my instincts could change that.

 I quickly tucked my phone in my pocket as if avoiding the fact that I had done what I just did. I quickly walked to the dining room door but, before I could rejoin my family, my pocket buzzed. I froze and regret coursed through my veins. What if he had said no? I put myself out there and I could be turned down. Do I even want to read this text? I slowly pulled out my phone and, sure enough, one unread message from Lucien. I opened the message.

Yes. I would love to help any way I can. How does next Friday sound?

My spirits slightly rose but, as the thought of Victor’s meeting came to mind, they stopped. 

I have a meeting next Friday that will take most of my time during work. Can you do something in the morning?

I’m afraid not.

What about after the meeting?

The meeting would go beyond my working hours.

Perfect

We can discuss it over dinner. 

My heart jumped through my throat.

Is that alright with you? 

I swallowed hard. I couldn’t think or breathe properly. Thoughts of doubt circled my mind but there was only one thought that stopped all the others.

 Do it for Sam.

My shaky fingers made it hard to reply quickly but, eventually, I typed out:

Alright. Where should we meet?

 >>>

I said my final goodbyes as I shut the front door behind me. I heaved my final sigh of the night as I relaxed every muscle in my body. I hadn’t realized how tense I had been that whole day. I rubbed my neck as I pulled out my phone from my pocket. 10:15. St. Richards was still open. If I were to hurry-

As I was walking down the stairs, I stepped on the third step accidentally. The wood bent under me, quickly sending me into a fit of wild movements as I tried to rebalance myself. Finally, I fell forward and let go of the phone in my hand. I watched as it sailed over the lawn, skipped a couple of times on the cement, then slid under one of the cars parked by the sidewalk. I cursed as I scrambled off the ground and to the car. I got on my hands and knees as I peered underneath the backdoor. It was just at arm’s length. I tried reaching out to grab it but was stopped by the curb and the bodywork of the car. I cursed my love for curl-ups as I stood up. I searched my head wildly for a solution. Then an idea came to mind.

I looked around at the neighborhood carefully. Most of the lights in the houses around me were off and the road was empty. Perfect. I grabbed the end of the car, took a deep breath, and lifted it. The car matched my movements and moved seamlessly from the curb. I scooped up the phone and, being sure not to set off the car alarm, I carefully placed the car back down on the street. I normally was against using my Evol in public like that but, seeing as that was a new phone, I couldn’t resist. I backed up slowly from the car and looked around me one last time for any sign of life. Seeing no one, I started walking back to my bike, inspecting my phone for cracks as I did so. 

>>>

A man sat in his car a couple feet away from the girl. He has watched her lift a car singlehandedly and place it back down like it was nothing to her. He laughed to himself as the girl walked back to her motorcycle, oblivious of his existence. He picked up the radio on his belt and uttered three low and intense words into it.

“I found her.”

  End of Chapter One :D

(Next)

[noramoya]

#ThrillerLiveCloses #ApprovedByMJon2009

“Right now our world has been turned upside down, with a pandemic that is changing our way of life. It is affecting us all, financially, emotionally and socially. For me it has resulted in THRILLER LIVE closing prematurely (and permanently) in the West End, as all theatres around the country have been shut, in the public’s best interest. Myself and the rest of the team totally understand and respect that we must all practice social distancing, working together to beat this virus. But yesterday was a very sad day as I joined the cast, crew and other creatives at the Lyric Theatre for one last time. We wanted to come together to say goodbye to each other at the theatre that had become our home for the past 11-years. Ironically we were just two more performances away from becoming the 11th longest ever running show in the West End. Still to be 12th, and the longest ever running show at the Lyric Theatre is an incredible achievement. Another thing the coronavirus has shown us is that we never know what is around the corner and we shouldn’t take what we have for granted. Through hard times, we get to see what matters most and what we really need to value.

One of our cast members said that leaving the Lyric Theatre was like losing a loving partner. And that is partly true, in that sometimes you don’t appreciate what you have until it is gone. But I am sure that each and every one of the Thriller Live cast and crew will go on to great new ventures, just as previous associates have. It’s been an INCREDIBLE journey which has formed great friendships, partnerships and even relationships with babies to boot! For me it seems that things have gone full circle. For it was 30 years ago today (20th March 1990) when I first met the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and he inspired me to see a world of endless possibilities. He showed me humility, kindness and a laughter like I’d never heard before.

We were at Record One Studios where he was free and at his creative best, producing the ‘Dangerous’ album. Watching a genius at work, who since the age of 5 had been perfecting his craft to become the world’s greatest ever entertainer was a true privilege. And then came an invitation to lunch at Neverland. That was the most memorable weekend ever. I’d never seen a landscape and home so beautiful. A place where Michael could dream peacefully, and one could lose themselves in magical abandonment. Which I did playing on the arcades, riding on the funfair and watching movies in the theatre. Just before I left, as I walked out the oak door, Michael said come back anytime. And I did, at least once a year - return to Neverland, as did many lucky fans, and various charitable organisations that Michael opened his doors for, because he loved to give, help and see others happy. That was the Michael Jackson I knew - a humble, innocent soul, who also happened to be one of the greatest artists of all time. There are many, many other stories that I have shared over the years, and fans and friends will know. Each one of them still as colourful in my mind now as it was when I first lived them. I thank Michael for those memories, and even though he is gone, it has never felt like a goodbye.

From all of us at “Thriller Live”, we want to Thank everyone who came to see the Show in the West End. We are Grateful that we could keep Michael’s Legacy and Music alive through the production and cá look forward to continuing touring the world in years to come. Now here follows a long, long list of thanks to just a few of the many people who made the show possible in the West End. There has been literally hundreds of people involved on and off the stage, so apologies that I can’t list everyone, but each of you are just as important in making this show a special part of West End history ! Producers Paul Walden & Derek Nicol, Mark Strange – General Manager, Ginette Sinnott – Head of Marketing, and everyone else at Flying Music (past and present) – thank you for believing in the show and all you have done to make it a worldwide success.

•Gary Lloyd our amazing Director & Choreographer. I could write a book about his character and talent, so please go read his own ! John Maher our meticulous Musical Director extraordinaire. • Every single band member past and present including Damien Cooper, Oliver Latka, Ryan Alex Farmery, Adam Kovacs and Mike Bradley - the greatest compliment you can pay these guys, is that some audience members still ask if the show is ‘live’. Yes! Applause when screen goes back and our musicians are revealed ! • Yasmin Yazdi, Jo Dyce, Rose Wild and Aisling Duffy – our fierce Resident Directors and Assistant Choreographers whom over the years have put hundreds of cast members through their paces. • Sharon Speirs and Caroline Stroud, our two long running and outstanding Company Managers over the past 11-years. And thank you to others who stepped in. • Nigel Catmur – Lighting Designer, Chris Whybrow – Sound Designer, Jonathan Park – Set Designer, Rob Jones and Catherine Teatum – Costume Designers – thank you for making this show look and sound so great ! • Our hard-working crew – Dawn Harvey, Paul Bond, Glenn Jenkins, Sophie Kemp, Kelvin White, Bill Dimeo, Matthew Giles, Alice Johson, Sara Markwick, Gemma Tucker, Melissa Cooke, Karli Can Heerden, Inca Jaackson, Rosie Woods and Jo Conlon – thank you for being there every day and making the show possible. • Not forgetting dozens of former crew members from Becky Potts and Jessica Plews to Craig and Kate Garratt and many, many more. • A big shout out to Haydon Eshun and John Moabi, our longest running West End cast members. These two guys are stage legends, whose performances did Michael proud every single night. • Respect to Kevin Wilson PR for keeping our name up in lights and doing it always with the utmost enthusiasm. • Thank you to Debbie O'Brien Casting – the talent we have seen over the years has been incredible including Zoe Birkett, Hayley Evetts, Maria Lawson, Samantha Johnson Carter, Cleopatra Madonna, Britt Quentin, Alex Buchanan, Jerome Singer, Trenyce Cobbins, David Jordan, MiG Ayesa and so many more outstanding vocalists ! • We have also been blessed with hundreds of amazing dancers since 2006 and through to the end of this West End run. They, with the singers and musicians are the life blood of the show, which relies, not on massive production, but pure heart and soul to deliver the energy, authenticity and chemistry that was part of Michael Jackson. • Thank you Nica Burns at Nimax for giving us a home for 11-years, and all the staff at the Lyric Theatre for looking after us, and over 2 million audience members throughout the years. • Massive appreciation to Kerys Nathan, our original Director & Choreographer from 2006-2008. You’ll always be a part of the show. • Thank you to every single cast member from the original West End cast featuring Ben Forster, Roger Wright, Denise Pearson, Ricko Baird, Kieran Alleyne, Layton Williams (OFFICIAL), Sterling Williams, Lewis Davies, Kamilah Beckles, Christabelle Field, Elliot James, Earl Perkins, Emily Rumbles, Dannielle Rothman, Sean Williams, Ashton Russell, Ross Sands and Jordan Darrell, to our last with – Wayne Anthony-Cole, Vivienne Ekwulugo, David Julien, Miles Anthony, Florivaldo Mossi, Lauren Gore, Filippo Coffano, Leslie Garcia Brown, Deavion Brown, David Devyne, Mitchell Eley, Ike Fallon, Eliza Hart, Gabriela Hernandez, Amelia-Annie Layng, Arnold Mabhena, Rishard-Kyro Nelson, Oskarina O'Sullivan , Shola B Riley, Triple Calz, Cannon Hay, Isaiah Mason, Ishaan Raithatha and Messiah Unusudimi. • To everyone on our suspended touring production, and all those before which has seen us visit over 34 different countries, thank you, thank you and thank you again. We will see each other hopefully soon as we continue this journey. Until then stay safe, and don't eat too many pies, there is only one costume budget. •Apologies too many not named above, some whom I greatly admire and some whom I am proud to now call friends, you are all in my thoughts.

Lastly, and most importantly – thank you to MICHAEL JACKSON ! “THRILLER LIVE” is your Music, your Artistry and your Magic ! Thank you for your Inspiration , Love and Humanity . 🙏🏼

Dreams do come true — Adrian Grant .