#ii. the only reason god made us cousins is because he knew the world couldn’t handle us as sisters. emperatrizmaya

[hisrepentance]

headcanon meme

@fcundwings asked for erica & tessa

the two girls are the main reason of the truces between the mayans and the sons. ever since they were little kids, the girls were best friends, and even when their dad’s were at odds, they would never deny the two their play dates. there are several pictures of both erica and tessa, running around in their respective dad’s kuttes, and home videos of them riding around on their bikes, with playing card making the wheels rattle as if they were motorbikes.

bonus.

when tessa turned fifteen, marcus threw tessa the biggest quinceanera, and while she was happy for her best friend, erica had to admit she was a little jealous. so a few months later, when erica was invited over to the alvarez house for a sleepover, she got the biggest surprise. along with marcus, tessa had put together a quicenera for erica, and it was probably the happiest day in erica’s life.

extra bonus.

tessa is the person who taught erica how to speak spanish. they would use it as their ‘secret’ language whenever the two would sleep over at erica’s house, or spend time at the garage.

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Family Business II

A follow-up to “Family Business.”  More family, more Scoundrel shenanigans.  If you want to see anything in particular or have any requests, feel free to tell me!  As usual, no one except Drake belongs to me.   

“I bring peace through superior firepower.”  -Thomas Drake

After introductions were made, the various Scoundrels mingled throughout the room, speaking with the families of the only two among their number that really had them.  Many of them knew that Kirk had a family, somewhere, and that his upbringing was quite good, especially compared to most of theirs, but he never spoke of them, and they never asked.  Shepard stood near his mother, who was currently shooting ‘we’ll talk later’ looks in his direction.  They were deep in discussion with Kirk, apparently speaking of the various intricacies and differences between the Starfleet and the Alliance Navy.  

Vir was next to his parents, talking politely with Cooper and Quill.  Solo and Cain stood in the middle of the room, holding drinks and generally mingling, but not speaking to anyone.  Solo did this out of habit; he really had no desire to speak with anyone, and in most of the parties he went to, talking with others was a good way to die quickly.  Old habits.  Cain looked completely at ease, not wishing to speak with anyone.  He found tensions flared quickly with the people of these new galaxies when they asked about the Imperium of Man.  Best not to upset anyone.  

To the surprise of every person present, a group of Vir’s nieces and nephews had immediately gravitated to the Chief.  One of them grabbed him by the hand and outright insisted he come with her.  Currently, the massive armored form of the Master Chief was sitting next to a gaggle of children as they played some sort of game.  The more talkative were babbling to him as he simply sat, almost unmoving, watching curiously.  The children thought he was great.  Here was an adult that actually listened to them!  It also helped that he was wearing a very cool set of armor.  Children were odd like that, thought the Chief to himself.  He didn’t have much experience with them, but he’d heard stories.

Thomas Drake found himself face to face with Thomas Vir.

“Thomas.  A pleasure to meet you.”  He stuck out his hand.  Vir took it.  

“And you as well, Thomas.  A good name, Thomas.”  Pale skin met black leather.  Vir looked up, puzzled.  He half-held a slip of paper to the light, slid to him during the handshake.  Before anyone else could notice, Drake moved forward.  In a completely unobtrusive and natural movement, he lowered Thomas Vir’s hand into the shadows.  

“Don’t speak.  Look natural.  Talk to whomever you wish after this, but still, act natural.  I know you can.  In several minutes, excuse yourself.  Go to the bathroom, and if there isn’t anyone there, look at the note.  If there is, go in a stall, wait for them to leave, I care not.  After this, quietly and unobtrusively tell them the contents of that note, and make sure they keep it a secret.”  Drake flashed a grin.  Vir looked worried.  He’d been a part of things like this for far too long, and wanted to put it behind forever.  “Relax, Thomas.  It’s a party.”  Drake made a move to pull away.  Vir stepped forward to block him.  

“Why me?” he hissed.

“Because I trust you to know what you’re doing.  You and your father are the only ones with the skills to do this and do it correctly.  There’s more to us than meets the eye, Thomas.”  With a wink and swirl of his coat, Drake disappeared into the talking throng.  

Twenty-ish Minutes Later

“So.  You’ve been stationed aboard my son’s ship?” asked Martha Vir.  Admiral Vir himself stood nearby, ready to quell any arguments about to start.  He’d learned from almost bloody experience that the Imperials did not initially get along well with the citizens of the other galaxies, and vice-versa.  He tried not to think of the beginnings of Imperial propaganda he’d seen springing up on his homeworld, and the people who might accept it…  But he knew his parents wouldn’t.  They were better than that.  And, from experience, so was Cain.  The Commissar stood across from Adam and Martha, resplendent in his dress uniform and far too much gold lace.  

“I have indeed,” replied Cain.  Gloved hands covered a glass of some sort of alcohol.  He had no idea what it was, but if he wasn’t put in these new galaxies to sample all their drinks, then what was he here for, Throne-dammit?  “It is a fine ship.”  He pursed his lips, considering for a moment.  “Very new, a bit small compared to most of the battleships I’ve been on, but a wonderful ship nevertheless.”  

“Small?  It’s one of the biggest ships in the galaxy!” teased Martha Vir.  “Tell me.  What’s the largest in yours?”  

“I am by no means a naval expert, so I wouldn’t really know,” offered Cain apologetically.  

“Nonsense!  Give me your best guess,” insisted the Vir matriarch.  

“From what I have heard amongst the naval officers and Astartes personnel I’ve had the pleasure of serving alongside, I believe the largest would be the Gloriana-class battleships assigned to some of the Space Marine chapter fleets,” said Cain.

“How big are they?” asked Admiral Vir, his personal and professional curiosity piqued.  

“Gloriana-class battleships are extremely rare… and are usually about twenty kilometers long.”  The silence was deafening.  

In another corner of the room, Thomas Vir spoke with his father.  He had discreetly gone around the room and passed on Drake’s message.  It had been simple, two lines of pencil scrawled on a tiny piece of paper.

Do not speak of Eris.  Do not speak of Adam and Sunny.

Thomas was an intelligent man.  He realized the tensions between these new galaxies, but only now did he understand their full extent.  If Drake had sought to warn them already, even against members of his own group… well.  That wasn’t good.  The bigger question was: how did he know, and what was he going to do?

“What do we do, Dad?” asked Thomas Vir.  His father considered for a moment, frowning.

“I’ve talked to all of these people your brother works with.  Especially that one.”  He pointed to Cooper, currently speaking with Quill in underhanded tones.  “He’s fine.  Special forces.  Seems like a good enough person.  But the one who gave you the message…” he trailed off.  He sighed and closed his eyes as he remembered.  “I met a man like that once.  During the war.”  Thomas kept quiet.  His father rarely talked about his time serving in World War III.  “We saw him around occasionally.  He said he was a clerk.   He wasn’t.  It was too obvious.  He never had the skills or temperament of one.  But no one ever asked, because there was something about him… some core of sheer violence behind his eyes that everyone knew they probably wouldn’t be around long if they questioned him too much.  Some sort of special forces.  Or a spy.  We never really knew.  But him,” Vir’s father nodded over to Drake.  “He’s like that.  He’s dangerous.”  

“What about everyone else?” asked Thomas, not wanting this opportunity to go to waste.  

“The other two that scare me are him,” he pointed to Cain and the golden Aquilia on his cap, “For obvious reasons, and him,” he pointed to the massive armored bulk of the Master Chief, “For also obvious reasons.”  

“So why are we letting them play with the kids?” muttered Thomas.  Indeed, both the Master Chief and Thomas Drake were over in the open space to the side of the ballroom entertaining the children.  Thomas Vir and his father watched with slight trepidation, and, in the other corner, Han Solo, with amusement.

“And then James said he’d go with me and then we did and it was awesome!  And there was a big hill and we played king of the hill and I won but I still rolled down the hill because that was fun and have you ever done that?” asked one of Admiral Vir’s nephews, continuing his story.  Master Chief regarded him with solemn eyes behind his golden visor.  

“I have,” he said shortly.  Although, not in the particular way the child was thinking.  There was a lot more gunfire and explosions involved.  

“Great!  So then after that we went near the river and we-”  The Chief tuned him out for a moment.  It wasn’t to say that the children were boring, but he was just so miserable at this party.  He had no idea what to say to the adults, and the children had already grabbed him to make him sit with them.  There was some sort of paper decoration on the top of his head, put there by one of the children.  He didn’t move to take it off.  It would fall off, eventually, when he stood up.  He had run through every conceivable situation he could think of that resulted in the room being attacked, and gone through each combat simulation in his head.  Twice.  He had gone through what might happen if one of the wait-staff was hostile.  Or one of the family members.  Or the children.  He looked down at the small boy, still babbling to him about things he did last week and how the starship ride to this planet was so cool.  So, probably not the children.  He couldn’t help it though.  He was built for combat, built for death.  He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing here.  

“Why do you wear gloves?” asked one of the children to Drake.  Another, her cousin, older and much wiser, tried to sush her.  

“You can’t just ask people why they wear what they wear!” she said to her cousin.  Drake laughed.  You could fool adults, you could fool super soldiers, you could fool demi-gods, but you couldn’t fool children.  Somehow, they always knew.  He knelt down to the youth and removed his gloves by the fingers; first the right, followed by the left.  In the corner, Solo watched with fascination.  Come to think of it, he’d never seen Drake without his ever-present black gloves.  He’d never thought about it until now, but it was rather strange.  Even when eating, Drake never took them off.  Why?  

  The two children recoiled, the younger with a slight shriek at the sight of Drake’s ruined left hand.  The third and fourth fingers, along with the flesh beneath, were horrifically burned.  The right side of the hand, fore- and index finger along with the thumb, were normal, unmarred flesh, though a shrapnel scar ran down the edge of the thumb.  The smaller child stared at the hand in horrified fascination, as one might look at a particularly dangerous animal in a zoo.  

“Don’t stare,” said her cousin.  Despite her warning, she, too, was sneaking peeks at the burns.  Drake chuckled at them again.  

“It’s alright,” he said.  He took his right hand, scarred, but not horribly burned as his left was, and traced the edge of the burn marks.  “I look at it, sometimes.  It’s interesting.  Like a science experiment.  Here,” he beckoned the two closer.  “It’s really interesting, actually.  Look at the contrast between the burned side and the regular side.”

“What is… contrast?” asked the younger one, her mouth still trying to frame the unfamiliar word.  Drake smiled again.

“Contrast means difference.  You’re learning about burns, you’re learning about words.  You must be smart.  I can tell that.”  The two children watched in fascination as Drake told them about burns, what they did to the skin, and how to treat them.  

In the corners, Solo and the Virs watched the two men, one a super soldier with an admitted zero amount of social skills, one a very dangerous gun for hire, play with small children, and did it well.  Interesting.

Ten Minutes Later

It was with a not insignificant amount of hassle that everyone was seated.  The children were at a smaller side table, talking amongst themselves, while the adults were seated at a massive long wooden table.  It reminded most of them of some sort of medieval feast table.  It was almost impossible to talk to the people on the other end, but, in the end, it somehow worked.

Vir and Shepard were next to their respective parents.  Quill still looked as if he had no idea what was going on, and Solo was next to him, having no one else to talk to.  Cooper had assimilated into the party wonderfully, and was next to the Virs.  Cain was on one end, looking slightly uncomfortable with the knowledge that everyone else was uncomfortable near him.  Poor Cain.  Drake had his gloves back on, and was looking over everything like a hawk about to strike.  The Chief was near the entrance door, having politely declined to eat anything.  This consisted of a much kinder “no” from him.  Oh, well.  

It was after the first course was served that it happened.  Everyone was talking, the idle dinner chit-chat so common amongst human parties.  The waiters had moved out of the way, their job temporarily done.  The double doors that led to the ballroom opened, ever-so quietly.  An unmistakable human figure, dressed in an all-black jumpsuit and mask, stepped forward, pistol outstretched, pointed at the table.  Before anyone saw him, it would already be too late.  

His arm was twisted, knocked aside with such force he was left temporarily breathless.  The gun dropped out of nerveless fingers, and the assassin screamed as the Master Chief broke the radius and ulna with a crush of his massive hand.  The black-clad killer only had a slight second for shock and utter horror to register beneath the mask as the Chief’s gauntleted hand punched him so hard it left a dent in the wall where his body impacted.  

A second assassin, wielding a much more powerful compact submachine gun, stepped into the space her fellow had vacated, weapon already raised and ready to fire.  Master Chief was out of position.  For all his speed, for all his lethal reactions, the Chief would be too low, and he knew it.  Shots would be fired before he got there.  

Gunfire rang out, the individual cracks! of pistol fire.  Drake and Cooper stood, hands forward, clutching guns they had summoned from the recesses of their coats.  The assassin’s head exploded, brains scattering in a ruined mess.  Children screamed.  The killer’s dead body slumped backward, into the hallway.  The Chief grabbed her weapons and shut the door behind him.  

The Scoundrels were all standing now, as was Hannah Shepard and Vir’s father.  Drake slid out of position, pushing his chair back in, and opened his coat.  

“Gentlemen,” his voice broke the eerie silence of the ballroom as everyone tried to react to what had happened.  “Meet your dates for tonight.”  Inside his coat lay a veritable armory.  Pistols and full magazines hung from holsters and hooks.  Dozens.  Dear lord.  Cain, Solo, and Quill were already on him, picking guns that looked closest to what they normally wielded.  Drake slid the other weapons on the table, which were soon joined by those of the assassins.  He grabbed most of the sharp steak knives off the table, and tucked them in his belt or gave them to his fellows.

“Drake?” asked Vir tentatively.  “How is it possible to carry that many guns and still move normally?”  Drake grinned as he pulled what looked like a sawed-off plasma rifle from his pants and assembled it.  

“Cybernetics in the coat.  And beneath.”  He tossed a weapon to each of his comrades, and one each to Hannah Shepard and Vir’s father.  

“You two know what you’re doing with these, I think,”  he said.  “Right.  So, uh, yeah.  I am going to take all the unstable maniacs, no offense intended as I am one, and we are going to kill everyone who dares interrupt this glorious dinner, while all of you who need catching up go catch up with your families,” Drake gave an elaborate bow to the still shocked table.  “Please ignore any explosions, music, gunshots, and unpleasant gurgling noises.”  He made a move to leave, followed by Quill, Solo, Cooper, and the Chief.  Hannah Shepard held up a hand.    

“Wait!  I wouldn’t want you to get yourselves killed on our behalf,” she said.  Drake only gave a lopsided grin in response.

“Haven’t you heard?  Legends never die.”  With a cackle of maniacal laughter and swirl of greatcoats, they were gone. 

And there we have it.  I hope you enjoyed the story.  More to come soon!  If you have any questions, comments, criticisms, concerns, or requests, feel free to tell me!  

[lesbiansforboromir]

Impossible LotR Quiz Answer sheet with explanations!

As an addendum, since people have been doing the quiz I’ve seen a few mistypes and awkwardnesses that are my own fault so I’ve corrected them. This means some people got a higher score than was shown, know that when I looked over your answers I saw your actually right answers and fully appreciated them! It’s good to not that the ‘fill in the blanks’ questions will not take two words in one space, so I’ve had to get creative with how I apply two named folk like Mardil Voronwe, or people who have numbers like Hurin I.

I would also like to say, to everyone talking about how they’ve never read the Silmarillion, this quiz is very purposefully almost entirely based outside of the Silmarillion. This is Appendices stuff! Indeed there is only 1 question even tangentally related to elves in here, this is by design. 

@magaramach, @brynnmclean and @apojiiislands asked to be tagged in this! Answers under the cut. 

Q2. Who was Dora Baggins in relation to Bilbo Baggins? - Second cousin on his father's side Dora Baggins is a very elderly woman who was the daughter of Bilbo’s father’s brother. She likes writing people a lot of unsolicited advice! THIS WAS WRONG AND SAID FIRST COUSIN FOR SO LONG AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR IT.

Q3. How many pairs of biological twins are mentioned in the whole of Arda's timeline and what races do they belong too? - 2 for men, 1 for elves and 3 for half-elves Fastred and Folcred, Haleth and Haldar (men) Amrod and Amras (elves) Elured and Elurin, Elrond and Elros, Elladan and Elrohir (half-elves) Now, admittedly Elladan and Elrohir are never actually described as twins. However they appear completely identical and have the same birth date, so it is assumed.

Q4. Baldor is who the skeleton scratching at the door used to be. When Aragorn and co pass through the paths of the dead they find a skeleton clawing at a door to the mountain. It is finely dressed and described as mighty and was later essentially confirmed to be Baldor, the eldest son of King Brego of Rohan, also called Baldor the hapless, who foolishly wandered into the paths of the dead on, apparently, a dare. (the answer to this was originally Brego because of a foolish typo from me, many apologies!)

Q5. When was the Ondonóre Nómesseron Minaþurie written? - During Meneldil's reign. “Enquiry into the Place-names of Gondor” was a text written by settled numenoreans about their new kingdom during Meneldil’s reign, who was the first sole King of Gondor after both Anarion (his father) and Isildur had perished.   

Q6. Farmer Maggot's particular friend was Tom Bombadil  It is stated that Farmer Maggot sometimes peacefully passes through the Old Forest to go and meet Tom Bombadil, who very much enjoys his company. However! Those who answered Merry or Pippin still deserve excellent recognition, Farmer Maggot was indeed fond of Pippin and respected Merry greatly.

Q7. What was the office of the Steward originally created to do? - Keep the Tradition of Isildur When Romendacil I went to war in the east, he realised that if he died then the secret of the Tradition of Isildur would die with him. Hence he wrote it down in a sealed scoll and gave it to a trusted confidante, to be given to his heir if he should perish. This tradition was maintained by further kings and those trusted confidantes became the Stewards of Gondor. This, admittedly, is a more suggested progression than explicit, but it’s a Impossible evil quiz so :) Q8. What was the 'Tradition of Isildur'? - Remember where Elendil was buried. Elendil had been secretly entombed in Calenardhon, supposedly the midpoint between Gondor and Arnor. This was a hallowed space for only Kings at first, but in later years when the Stewards came to rule Gondor they also were permitted the secret. Cirion had the remains moved when Calenardhon was gifted to the Eotheod to eventually become a part of the Kingdom of Rohan. 

Q9. At the time of Pelargir's founding, is the world flat or round? - Flat. Pelargir was founded as a ‘Faithful Numenorean’ haven on the river Anduin. Therefore it was built before Numenor’s destruction in the Akallabeth, the reason for which being that Eru turned the world from flat to round. 

Q10. Which of these monarchs were indolent and had no interest in ruling? - King Atanatar I - King Narmacil I - Tar-Vanimelde King Atanatar I ruled during Gondor’s richest generation and seemed to believe that meant he didn’t need to put any work in. Narmacil I, his son, didn’t want to put any work in, but he at least assigned his nephew, Minalcar, as ‘Karma-Kundo’ or regent during his reign. So he at least did something to keep the country going. Tar-Vanimelde had no interest in ruling and allowed her husband to do most of the governence. This backfired when she died and he organised a coup against his son to hold power.

Q11. When looking back on the Ship-Kings of Gondor, King Tarannon Falastur began the invasion of Harad and expanded Gondor's borders, King Earnil-I finally took Umbar but died at sea shortly afterwards, King Ciryandil spent most of his reign trying to defend Umbar and died in it's seige and King Hyarmendacil defended Umbar against seiges for 35 years before making war upon all Harad and claiming Harondor as a province of Gondor, ending the line of the Ship Kings.

Q12. What happened during the reign of King Romendacil II? - I don't know! Nothing? Yes I know this is particularly evil of me but Romendacil II was originally called Minalcar, yes the same Minalcar who became REGENT of Gondor due to Narmacil’s indolent nature. Minalcar indeed did everything else listed as answers to this question, but none of them happened during his reign as king. Indeed, his reign was said to be peaceful and we have no real information on it, so technically saying we don’t know, and suggesting nothing happened, is actually the most correct answer :)

Q13. Who succeeded Tar-Telperien of Numenor? - Her nephew, Minastir Tar-Telperien was a lesbian Queen of Numenor who never married and never wanted too and did an excellent job and I love her. Her nephew built a tower to mope in about how much he wanted to be an elf. They are not the same. Absolutely terrified about what Amazon could do to her. 

Q14. Whilst his brethren, the nazgul, were attacking the Prancing Pony, The Witch-King was waiting in the Barrow Downs and probably had a really nice time. Not much to this! Witch King was chilling with the Barrow Wights. 

Q15. Which of these characters are described as 'beautiful' at least once in the Lord of the Rings? - Galadriel, Denethor, Eowyn, Frodo, Elanor, Celeborn, Boromir Yes, Arwen is never described as beautiful, but Denethor is :)

Q16. We all love Boromir II, select the similarities he and Boromir I did NOT share. - Renowned relationship with the Rohirrim. - Destroyed the Bridge of Osgiliath - Feared by the Witch King - Retook Ithilien. - Had a brother. In case you’re wondering, yes, I love both Boromirs. But this question is a fun highlight of how many similarities Boromir II has with his namesake. These are the only things they didn’t both do. Although! Boromir I’s son was Cirion who allied with the Eotheod and created Rohan in the first place, the Uruk-Hai destroyed the Bridge of Osgiliath in Boromir I’s lifetime, Boromir II was PROBABLY feared by the witch-king we just don’t know, Boromir II held Ithilien and Boromir I had two elder sisters like Denethor II did.

Q17. Hey, did you know that, from Boromir I's war with the Uruk-Hai of the Morgul Vale, Gondor didn't know peace until Sauron's death on the 25th of March, 3019? Hah hah! How gut wrenching is that? About how long do you think it has been since Gondor knew peace then? Hey wait does that mean Boromir I's valiant victory that came at a personal sacrifice was the beginning of Gondor's wars and then Boromir II's valiant sacrifice was the end- oh god... oh fuck - 550 years To everyone who answered the crossed out answer,,, you’re correct in my heart. You get bonus points. Also hey! What the fuck :) 

Q18. Who was Borondir? - The rider sent to find Eorl who made it to him after starving himself for two days but who then rode to the Celebrant with Eorl anyway and died in that battle. Literally couldn’t love this fellow more. Big Hirgon energy. A hero of Gondor for time immemorial. 

Q19. The Ruling Stewards, from first to last (with their numbers typed as so Turin-I Hurin-II etc), were as follows; Mardil ; Eradan ; Herion ; Belegorn ; Hurin-I ; Turin-I ; Hador ; Barahir ; Dior ; Denethor-I ; Boromir-I ; Cirion ; Hallas ; Hurin-II ; Belecthor-I ; Orodreth ; Ecthelion-I ; Egalmoth ; Beren ; Beregond ; Belecthor-II ; Thorondir ; Turin-II ; Turgon ; Ecthelion-II ; Denethor-II ; and for like two seconds ; Faramir ; Alrighty, we had a bit of a fight in my discord about this but eventually I did relent in agreement that Faramir IS... very briefly... legally considered a RULING Steward. Ruling Stewards being Stewards that ruled a Kingless Gondor. But! With Aragorn RIGHT THERE is just seemed very redundant. Still! I’ll allow the pedant to win out, ten minutes is still a Ruling Steward. ALSO! I decided that having an extra box for the ‘voronwe’ part of mardil voronwe was just mean as it set everyone’s answers off kilter, so I removed that. ALSO for all of those calling me a bastard for adding this question, @illegalstargender was the one who requested it! I wasn’t going too! 

Q20. The Stewards, despite ruling through very tumultuous and violent periods, were often known for boring things (because they simply ruled better than the Kings did, I said what I said) But what boring thing was Steward Turin I remembered for? - Being the only monarch of Gondor that married twice This skeezy bastard really did marry a second time during his OLD age just to father a son. I can only imagine what a dreadful cultural and social effect this had on this prude country. It’s so unnecessary! He had daughters, many of them! One of them certainly had a son before he did. He was just being a controlling arse, down with Turin I!!!!

[chandlerrosen]

the hollow crown and dagger of the mind

when: auditions

where: the alderidge auditorium

who: chandler rosen, center stage, all alone

ooc: chandler is auditioning for macbeth! i don’t expect her to get the role, though i do think she’d be a strong contender! additionally, i think it’d be interesting if she played lady macbeth, as she never played a female role before and heidi seems to like to shake things up, plus the guilt tears lady macbeth apart, and though chandler didn’t kill anyone, she still feels incredibly guilty for a number of reasons. also, i think it’d be saucy if she was macduff, whose morality and thirst for justice could translate well to the plot, considering chandler wants to find out who kills orson! extra spicy if macbeth/lady macbeth killed orson, though that is up to heidi of course.

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, / Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,” 

the infamous words from the equally infamous play rang through chandler’s head as she anticipated her call to action, the beginning of the end. well acquainted with the ceremony of the audition, chandler held in her hand an iced coffee the size of her head, the condensation dripping down her thigh as she silently buzzed with adrenaline and caffeine. soon she would be called into the auditorium, prepared to bare her heart, her soul, the very blood in her veins, and leave it on the stage. just as orson taught her. of course, he wouldn’t be there, beaming up at her performance that she created for his eyes only. god, those eyes. how she missed the way they sparkled and glinted, their familiar warmth soothing her nerves as she uttered her first word, thus beginning her descent, spiralling deeper and deeper into the character she sculpted with the hands of her passion. 

and then she was called, by a voice unfamiliar though not unkind. nerves before an audition are normal - though some may disagree, they are liars. but her nerves were compounded with the fear that heidi knew, and would judge her for her fleshly sins - though sweet, they stung. the sun was beginning to sink as she took one last look out the window and entered the auditorium, the blinding stage lights a familiar comfort amidst the chaos. 

“hello, my name is chandler rosen and i’m auditioning for the role of macbeth,” she said confidently. a bold choice, but this would be her final time gracing the stage at alderidge, and such a tremendous goodbye must go out with an equally devastating bang. could she do it, though? before her audition she considered not auditioning, or simply doing an overdone speech from macbeth. but she couldn’t afford to be cast in a small role, quite literally. as well, it would simply prove everyone right when they swear she only got the lead in henry viii because of who she chose to give her heart to. rumors flew around chandler, beating her over and over again with words that stained and burned into her core. she chose to embrace those scars with her performance. if it is a murderer they want, it will be a murderer she will give. 

but could she do it? could she show, 

                                                         show,

                                                                    SHOW!

as the three witches demand? could she unfurl the scrolls inside her veins that contained her deepest fears of cowardice and regret, confront the monstrous creature that lived inside of her, that was capable of hurting those she loved? capable of becoming her mother? could she show the world the most depraved parts of her she tries so desperately to hide? she must, she simply has no other choice.

“i will be performing richard ii’s monologue from act three, scene three.” heidi nodded as she jotted down notes on her pad, and met chandler with friendly eyes. perhaps heidi wasn’t so bad after all. she was no orson, that was for certain, but no one could match up to him. and if she turned out to be the villain in this tragedy, so be it. more fuel for her fire. 

her body sunk with despair as she prepared her descent. voice lowered effortlessly as she did, she began, “what must the king do now? must he submit? the king shall do it: must he be deposed? the king shall be contented: must he lose the name of king?” she paused, a pained expression on her face as she imagined herself, a despot at his prime, seeing the fruits of his labor and body slipping before his eyes as he was faced with mutiny. “o' God's name, let it go:” moaning on go, they, chandler and richard intertwined, begged for release from their suffering. the words she spake became a river that flowed out from her lips as she became that tired egoist. “i'll give my jewels for a set of beads, my gorgeous palace for a hermitage, my gay apparel for an almsman's gown, my figured goblets for a dish of wood, my sceptre for a palmer's walking staff, my subjects for a pair of carved saints,” they pleaded with their audience, envisioned a world of simplicity, where outside pressures and pleasures were eliminated, their self effaced and transformed into a small cog in a divined machine. “and my large kingdom for a little grave,” pausing, a look of ecstasy and pain, of the utmost catharsis, spread across her face, she waited a beat for the words to sink in and resound across the space. a little grave, the same one orson was lying in, alone. the same one she would call eternity one day. 

the thought of orson in his grave made her heart sink deeper. her eyes glazed over as her voice turned bitter and dreamlike, “a little little grave, an obscure grave; or i'll be buried in the king's highway, some way of common trade, where subjects' feet may hourly trample on their sovereign's head; for on my heart they tread now whilst I live; and buried once, why not upon my head?” voice filled with spite and heartbreak, chandler couldn’t tell who she was more mad at - those who betrayed her, or she, who betrayed herself. betrayal - the thought never crossed her mind until that minute as she reveled in the pitiful richard, who saw his subjects as his children, and their committing patricide on their divinely anointed king. chandler didn’t see herself as the king of alderidge - far from it, honestly. though she understood his words, his desire with every fiber of his being to be anonymous, the burden of others and their bitter betrayal eased off his shoulders. their shoulders. the disappointment she saw in the eyes of those she once called friends, the sadness in the eyes of the one she called my love. breaking grace’s heart destroyed her own, and chandler would give anything to feel that sorrow and anger and betrayal that grace must feel. if only that could mean grace was happy. 

tears began to prick her eyes at the most opportune time as she turns to the fabricated cousin of richard and continues, “aumerle, thou weep'st, my tender-hearted cousin! we'll make foul weather with despised tears; our sighs and they shall lodge the summer corn, and make a dearth in this revolting land.” weeping joy fills her voice as she, as richard, gives a rousing speech to his woebegone cousin. misery loves company, after all, though chandler felt herself entirely alone lately. she had helen, but her best friend’s light was too bright to be dulled by the darkness of her own depravity. and thus she questioned who her own aumerle would be. who would be alongside her as she brought the storm down upon herself and her peers, who she digs her grave alongside? who would be brought down with her as she plummeted to the rocky bottom of her metaphorical grave? until finally she realized the answer. no one. 

alas, no time to dwell on her own misery upon the sordid stage! for it was richard who required her undivided attention! she quickened the pace, asking her next question with morbid, restrained glee, pontificating on their shared sorrow, “or shall we play the wantons with our woes, and make some pretty match with shedding tears? as thus, to drop them still upon one place, till they have fretted us a pair of graves within the earth; and, therein laid,—there lies two kinsmen digg'd their graves with weeping eyes.” and oh, how her eyes wept. her stream of tears slowed and stilled, her voice traversing the terrain from woe to bitterness, and dropping into melancholic anguish, popping the p’s like orson taught her, stressing the beauty of shakespeare’s words. all emotions dulled by the composure that dignified a king who had naught but his own dignity left. 

she turns to face heidi, her lone audience member. perhaps her new director was just as alone as she was. perhaps they could find common ground, perhaps she could soften the blow of orson’s death. the foolish thoughts of a child filled her head before she realized the obvious - nothing, and no one, could soften this lethal blow. and again, anger bubbled in her - anger at herself, at her own helplessness. a helplessness that she felt within richard, who could do nothing but stand there and talk, concede his kingdom and pray for his life. she spoke with a self-righteous flair, eager to hold onto the scraps of richard’s pride, “would not this ill do well? well, well, i see i talk but idly, and you laugh at me. most mighty prince, my lord northumberland, what says king bolingbroke? will his majesty give richard leave to live till richard die?” they laughed at him. all of them, laughing at a man on the brink of losing his lifeblood, faced with an impossble choice, and one completely out of his hands: to die a king, to live forever in infamy? or to die shrouded in anonymity, to live in peace? to be or not to be, though that question found its home in a different play far from chandler’s mind. 

contempt filled her voice as she straightened up, her final stand against those who dare deny her her love, her friends, her passion, who dare denied richard his hollow crown. she snarled her lip and began her solitary revolution, “you make a leg, and bolingbroke says ay.” 

it was the cowardice in those who deposed richard - they flatter him, only to mindlessly follow the next man with victory written in his blood. they praise him as they once praised richard. as they once praised orson. perhaps, at the denouement of her descent, she realized that she was not richard; orson was. or perhaps it was an amalgam of the two of them - three of them? after the time they spent together, chandler couldn’t help but wonder how much of orson’s soul intertwined with hers, how much blood he left stained on her fingertips, her throat, her heart. she once thought that she would be lucky to have an ounce of orson’s passion and intelligence, but now she worries - for a brief second before she violently effaces it from her mind’s eye - that he left too much of his own darkness. how selfish of him, to break her life and leave her to pick up the pieces. and yet, when they were together, she felt as though the cracks she accumulated throughout her life were plastered with solid gold. beauty cannot exist without terror, after all. 

she took a second to decompress from the emotions of her monologue. taking a breath, she perked up, smiling at heidi who, surprisingly, returned the gesture. “thank you, chandler.” she says before returning to her notepad. “thank you,” chandler said with a sincerity that startled her. adrenaline pumping through her veins, she floated out of the door, confronted by the hazy darkness of dusk. the thoughts and emotions that came up during her monologue, those unexplored territories that chandler feared venturing, were simply something she would have to ponder tomorrow. 

[silentsnowdrop]

Venusian Radio

This was written and edited last night. Thanks to @programaticallydelicious for editing help--now it doesn’t read like a textbook so much!

For as long as humans have been sentient, we’ve looked at the stars. They’re  a source of both inspiration and fear—just as regular as the sun and moon, but in unfathomably strange ways. Constellations were easy, for they came by the season. There were some stars, though, that wandered, went back on their paths or shot ahead for no reason. We called these stars planets, for their wandering, and we believed they were the homes of the gods.

One of these homes was Venus. She often sits in the sky in the morning and evening, brighter than any nearby star. Her official name is that of the goddess of love, but we also call her the Morning Star. She’s captured our attention since ancient times. But she was shrouded in mystery—she never rose high enough to get a good look at her without haze and glare. The early images of her were shaky and confusing, and it wasn’t until we got into space that we got a proper image of her. We knew how fast she spun (a little faster than us), and what was in her air (close to ours, with noticeably more water vapor). However, that was only a sketch of her. We didn’t truly know what she looked like.

But we didn’t need to know what she looked like to find the people on her.

In 1937, a man named Grote Reber built a radio telescope in his backyard and aimed it at the stars. When he did so, he found a strange mess of information coming from Venus. A little work brought it into focus, and the knowledge floored scientists the world over.

That mess wasn’t natural. No-one could doubt it, because it was voices. Unintelligible, to be sure, but voices, speaking to each other. Even the start of World War II couldn’t dampen astronomers’ excitement. In spite of the war, they tried to figure out how to get a message out to Venus. Eventually, they decided to send a string of prime numbers out to Venus. Prime numbers, and greetings in every language we could muster. We had no way to know if they used the same base numbering system as us, or if they would want to talk to us. The atrocities that the war brought with it made it hard to think they would talk to us. But we hoped.

And they rewarded our hope by sending back a different string of prime numbers. The words after were unintelligible, but we at least had contact. We knew someone was there, and they knew we were here.

Once World War II ended, we started trying to send them more messages. Governments sent targeted broadcasts of TV and radio stations to Venus. Scientists sent mathematical concepts. We wanted our planetary cousins to know that we were here and ready to talk.

And they were ready too, because they sent things back.

From their TV stations, we learned that there were actually two sapient species on Venus. One, the Delosans, were water dwellers. They had grey-blue skins and webbed hands and feet. Some found their lack of hair off-putting, and their sexes looked the same. However, their large eyes helped to make them cute rather than terrifying. They lived in strange, fantastical underwater cities and coastal towns in the tropics. Their media stereotyped them as carefree fishers who traded their bounties for tech and tools to make their lives easier.

The second species, the Chrotors, were covered in hair, in shades ranging from red to blonde to black. Their arms were longer than human arms, but their faces were plenty human enough. They were more widespread than their aquatic counterparts, with cities all over the continents of Venus. Their stereotype was as the inventors and builders of Venus, who traded their tech for food.

Thankfully, both species seemed eager to talk to us. While it took some time, we managed to communicate. Subtitled movies and simple slideshows in English and Russian weren't much, but they were a start.

Why English and Russian? The Cold War was on, and the USA and USSR were in a race to see who could get to our neighbors first. However, the communication they sent back was nearly always in one language. When we asked, they told us that they had one language they used for diplomacy. They had strife between their various factions, of course. Using one language, though, meant that misunderstandings were less likely. This was especially important with two species with very different needs on the planet.

It was a bit of a slap in the face, all told. It became more of one when they expressed that they wanted to hear from all of us at the same time. The USA and the USSR could barely exist on the same planet; how were they supposed to get along enough to work together to send a message? Any sane person would have told you that it wasn’t going to happen.

But that sane person would have been wrong. Despite the Cold War, scientists from both countries managed to come together. They came up with a message for the Delosan and Chrotoran people. We filmed representatives from every UN country greeting them in their native language. We mixed the order together with no regard for alliances or animosity. We had a people to greet, and we were going to do it with all due politeness and joy. A revolving door of international stories followed, along with musical performances and art.

And with the stories and art and music came a surprise for us as well: we weren’t so different. There were dozens of versions of Cinderella out there. Every culture had its dances, and everyone had their favorite dish by their mom. As time went on, the stories became more personal. Different people from disparate cultures told each other stories from their lives over shared meals. Laughter and tears both resulted. It was hard to hate your opposing number when you’d shared a beer and a laugh. Even if it was for the benefit of some extra-terrestrials that were hanging on your every word.

This began to extend to the higher-ups, too. Presidents and Chairmen shared wine as they watched concerts. Senators and members of the Soviets played soccer together. Everyone was beginning to see each other as people, and that went a long way in making it easier to negotiate. By the sixties, talks of nuclear deescalation were seriously beginning. Even massive egos and sudden stumbling blocks like assassinations and impeachments couldn’t stop the snowballing effects of humanization, cheered on by people who were far more different from humans than humans were from each other.

By the early eighties, it was done. The USSR was pulling apart, piece by piece, and the US was actually helping the countries it had promised to help—which included Russia. There was still tension, but it was muted by the fact that we were all talking to the Delosans and Chrotors as equals, and they were doing the same with us.  We sent ideas back and forth, new ways to talk and power and reach out to each other, both on our own planets and between our planets.

Throughout all of this, we’d been planning a way to actually meet our cousins in person. Traveling that distance was going to be a challenge. We also didn’t want to expose ourselves—or them—to new and potentially pandemic diseases. We’d sent them things on their request, and received things in return, but never something live. The closest we’d come was some dead-virus vaccines, since they wanted to compare genetics and immune systems. As it turned out, their process for vaccines was similar to ours. With the millennium closing, we began working on how best to adapt that for our diseases so they would be safe when we came.

So it was more than just a surprise when, on January 1st of the new year, a broadcast came through to NASA.  They requested room to land at the Kennedy Space Center. Their shuttle would be arriving later that evening. Panic—excited panic, but panic all the same—engulfed the world, as leaders scurried to get to Florida and NASA tried to make sure their shuttle wouldn’t burn in and explode.

But all of it—every decade of it—was worth it to see a Delosan and a Chrotor walk off their strange-yet-familiar shuttle, grinning as they called, “We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

I swear I could hear everyone around the world laughing with them as we all finally came together, over something that had started with a simple man’s radio telescope.

[krokodile]

movie watched in 2018, just three n this one with two behind a cut because spoilers for movies older than all of you :P

battle of the sexes - holy fuck, so good.  SO SO SO GOOD.  look, i usually can’t stand emma stone and i rarely like sports movies.  but i loved this movie so much i couldn’t shut up about it for days.  emma stone and steve carell are fucking flawless, and watching the bonus features, seeing how emma lights up whenever billie jean is onset, it’s clear how strongly she felt about doing this right.  and it absolutely shows.  her transformation goes beyond the makeup (although holy crap they did a good job with that).  her performance is remarkable; i won’t take back all i’ve said about how annoying i’ve found her over the years, because i did, but i underestimated her (which i guess is thematically appropriate for this movie :P ).  she is immensely skilled, and her desire to do this project justice is plainly visible.  the fire in her eyes when she’s on the court is fucking magnetic.  i can’t say enough about how much i adored this performance.  and i generally feel that biopics bring out the worst in actors (academy catnip though they may be).

steve carell nailed his role as well, but that was no surprise; i knew he would be perfect.  i hope he gets his oscar for this, finally, though i’m assuming 3 billboards will sweep all the major categories.  andrea riseborough is predictably perfect, and cute as a bug’s ear - i’ve always thought she was incredibly pretty,  but this is the first time i’ve found her adorable.  she and emma stone have the most insanely believable chemistry - i don’t think i’ve believed an onscreen relationship more, in every facet.  

the movie looks amazing; it drops you right into the 70s with no detail ignored.  and, you know, having lived on planet earth, i knew how this story ended.  and yet, i was nervous.  i was on the edge of my seat wringing my hands through every set.  i wanted to stand up and cheer.  i just...i really loved this movie.  i expected to like it, because reviewers i tend to agree with raved over it, but i didn’t think i’d fall in love with it.  easily one of the best to come out of 2017, at least for me.

when the wind blows - this is the best movie i NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN.  oh my god.  look, if you know this movie, you understand me.  if you don’t, how do i sum it up?  an elderly couple living in (i think) rural england has been following the news of a seemingly inevitable nuclear conflict approaching.  the wife is largely unconcerned - after all, they made it through world war ii, and enough time has past that the memories have become romantic - and the husband is confident that the government pamphlets instructing him to whitewash the windows and create a shelter out of doors will instruct him well.

...you know where this is going, because there’s only one way this story can go.

bombs fall, everyone dies.

but not like that.  while most of their area is flattened, their home stands.  and at first all seems well.  emergency services will be along soon enough to rescue them, after all.  the pamphlets instruct them to stay in their little shelter for fourteen days to avoid fallout, but the impracticality of that is immediately apparent, and after all - if you can’t hear it, feel it, see it, how can it be harming you?  

sure, they’ve had headaches, but stress, you know?

if you for some reason have been meaning to see this but haven’t gotten to it, and don’t want spoilers, skip this, because i really can’t figure out how to explain how quietly horrific this film is without spoiling the entire thing.  

the couple - jim and hilda - quickly grow bored indoors and stroll around their garden, chatting about how nice everything will look once it’s grown back next season.  

yeah,  you’ve correctly inferred just how much denial they’re in.  hilda notices a neighbor’s dog in the distance and worriedly comments that it must be hungry; we can see that the dog is not only dead but partially fused to the ground.  grimmer still is jim’s comment that people must have put sunday dinner on early in the week; he can smell the meat roasting.  hilda mentions her worsening nausea, which jim attributes to a woman’s inability to handle stress.  

the water runs out, there are rats in the toilets, and hilda and jim can’t quite pinpoint why they feel so off; so tired and weak.  surely nothing a cup of tea wouldn’t fix, but that’s out of the question now.  still, emergency services should be arriving any moment now.  they wonder how their son and his family are faring.  

jim wonders if hilda is wearing lipstick; she isn’t.  her gums are bleeding.  but surely it’s a result of ill-fitting dentures.  they’re old; it happens.  those strange sores on their limbs must be varicose veins.  they’re old; it happens.  bloody diarrhea?  hemorrhoids.  they’re old; it happens.

jim runs out of answers when hilda’s hair starts coming out in handfuls - or perhaps he’s simply too weak to speak much at this point.  

ultimately, they retire to their tiny shelter, both finally acknowledging - wordlessly but clearly - that no help is coming.  with no better ideas left, hilda suggests they might pray.  jim, endearingly, begins his prayer with “dear sir,” which hilda suggests is wrong.  they are, after all, an old married couple.  

mid-sentence, jim ceases to speak.  and that is all.

this movie came out in the 80s, as part of that boom of nuclear holocaust films that flooded the nation at that time.  but unlike the thrillers or the family dramas, this film is almost painfully quiet.  jim and hilda have no fear.  there’s no screaming, no crying, just wondering why on earth their son seems to have gone mad at the news.  war is survivable; they’ve done it before.  there are no horrific shots of dead bodies, of people burned and in agony.  just jim and hilda, quietly transforming from round-faced little old cherubs to hollow-eyed skeletons.  

and my god, they make you love them.  they’re fucking adorable, with their accents and their quaint little house.  they bicker, but you know neither would know what to do with themselves without the other.  (the sweetness of their relationship is, i imagine, what makes the moment where jim carelessly calls hilda a “stupid bitch” as she refuses to get into the shelter - the oven’s on, the laundry’s still on the line, she really should take care of these things first - so disproportionately upsetting.  it feels personal, somehow.)  

the movie looks absolutely gorgeous.  the characters are animated, the home is done in 3d models, manipulated with stop motion, and the blending of mediums is startlingly seamless.  the character designs are simple - jim looks rather like an elderly charlie brown, with a large round head, dots for eyes, a little squiggle mouth and little else - making it all the more effective when the effects of their sickness start to visibly affect them.  there’s no gore, nothing hyperrealistic, and yet the images are deeply disturbing in ways eli roth can only dream of being.  

as the saying goes, one death is a tragedy; a million, a statistic.  we can speculate about the number of lives lost if nuclear war breaks out, but somehow that will feel less devastating than watching just these two.  there’s nothing exaggerating, nothing made “bigger” for film.  just the quiet, horrible truth.

and fuck, it’s a sick feeling when you remember that this is exactly what we did to every single japanese individual who didn’t immediately die when we bombed them.  they died in days and weeks after with radiation poisoning, or years later of blood and bone cancers.  either they went through this themselves, dying horrible, agonizing deaths that they couldn’t even feel the hope of curing, or they helplessly watched their families.  numbers are sobering, but the reality of the suffering is nauseating.

oh and i mean trump seems determined to bring about the same fate to the us, so there’s that to think about, if you didn’t feel shitty enough.

it’s an absolutely brilliant piece of art; one of the best animated films i’ve ever seen.  but i think it’s best to go in warned about what you’re seeing.  you know it’s going to be sad, you know they’re going to die, but...you should know that it’s worse than you’re envisioning.

still.  see it.  it’s on youtube.  

ringing bell - because shit, i didn’t already want to die enough, right?  it’s bambi, but with sheep.  oh, and instead of growing up and marrying his cousin, bambi joins forces with the hunter and becomes an expert gunman.  

yeah.

honestly, i didn’t like it, and not for the reasons you might think.  yeah, it’s sad, but i didn’t think it was well put-together.  the first third is just a baby lamb called chirin prancing around being nauseating (or cute, i guess).  the second third is an irritating, dumb baby sheep deciding he wants to become an apprentice to the wolf who killed his mother, which...okay, i can accept that he’s come to reason that only the strong survive (there’s an absolutely gutting scene, one of the few done well, where the lamb attempts to rescue a bird and her eggs from a snake.  the mother is killed, and in the scuffle, the eggs are broken.  the image of chirin wailing “why do the weak have to die?” is going to be the thing that fucks me up for the rest of my life.  jesus christ.) but we see NONE of this - he goes from hunting down the wolf determined to kill it, the wolf knocks him down a fucking mountain, he climbs back up and declares his intent to become a wolf.

we get a rocky movie’s worth of training montages, and really a whole bunch of nothing for the second act.  i’ll give it credit for having the wolf’s design be badass as fuck and for the hunting scene having more realism than i’d expect from a sanrio production (yeah, this came from the people who brought you hello kitty.)  but the story elements are really ignored.  we never do find out why the wolf never just ate the damn sheep when it came looking for him.

the third act is better - chirin’s adult model is the stuff of nightmares compared to his cotton fluffball appearance in the earlier scenes, and everything looks gorgeous and is animated far better than what came before it.  i won’t spoil the story of the ending, but the final shot, of chirin alone, wailing for the wolf in what sounds creepily like a howl, is...depressing.  it’s not SAD.  it just comes with a resignation that makes it so much worse than just being sad.  of course this is how it ends.  what else could there be for this wretch, no longer a ram, but not enough a wolf?

it’s a short, about 50 minutes, and at first i was thinking it might have worked better as a feature, but really, it would’ve worked better at the same length, just with differently-applied focus.  still, i appreciate its existence.  i think the 70s and 80s realized what we’ve forgotten now - kids eat up the dark stuff, the cautionary and morality tales.  when things are scary, you get to feel proud and excited that you made it through.  when things are sad, you learn to remember that happiness returns.  when you experience loss vicariously, you begin to understand it, how to process it.  when you see death, you accept it as part of life.  kids WANT to understand these things; they WANT to know more than what they know; they WANT to take on tough things and overcome them.  WE want to keep them “safe” and “innocent” - they know that that’s the opposite of what they need.  

that said, if any kid i’m watching wants to watch it, i’m going to another room until it’s over.  JESUS.

[its-abroad-world]

Adventure #11: June 20-22 - Nuremberg, Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Würzberg, Nuremberg (again), Ausburg: Pastries, Nazis, and Courtrooms

June 20 - Prague to Nuremberg

We made good time on the road from Prague to Nuremberg, enough time that we were too early to check into our Airbnb at 6 pm, so instead, we went into town to see what was there. For the first time on the trip, the weather was actually cold and gloomy. When we walked into the main square, the first thing that we saw was Schöner Brunnen, a golden fountain from the 14th century. There were levers all around the fountain and if you pulled on them hard, water from the fountain would flow out; a lot of the little kids were playing with it. We were just strolling through the square when it started to rain, getting harder and harder every second. We sought shelter in one of the shopping areas and stayed there until we could hightail it to the car. 

By the time the rain stopped pouring, we could already check into our Airbnb which was a bit of an ordeal. My cousin had to climb on top of a dryer to retrieve the key to the building. When we finally got inside the building, we realized that we had to climb four flights of stairs because there was no elevator. Having become grumpy from having to haul tons of suitcases up, we were even more displeased to find that the place was dirty and in need of repair. Some of the light switches did not have socket covers, the kitchen sink only operated at a slow trickle, the hot water in the shower was sketchy at best and was connected to an electric water heater that did the opposite of what it said, the “beds” were basically couch cushions pushed together, the bed frames were broken, and the bedding did not look or smell like it had been changed from whoever stayed there last. We were not happy. 

We rested a bit and then went to buy groceries for dinner, and stayed in for the rest of the night, glad to get some rest after our marathon in Prague.

June 21 - Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Würzburg

We woke up bright and early after having the worst night of sleep of the whole trip, backs aching and complaining about our less than satisfactory “beds”. Our first destination of the day was Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Germany’s best-preserved wall town. Rick Steves describes this city as “Germany’s fairy-tale dream town” with its enchanting medieval look and feel which was once the second-largest city in Germany during the Middle Ages. When my mom and aunt had planned this trip, they really only wanted to go because they saw it on an episode of Rick Steves but outside of that, we didn’t really know much of the place and were content strolling through the city and wandering in and out of buildings. This was truly the cutest town.

We walked into a lot of bakeries and got something at each place. My favorite was a giant slice of raspberry pie from a small family-owned bakery where we also tried the town specialty, schneeballs, which were basically fried balls of pastry dough coated in different sweet toppings. They weren’t all that special, but the pie was delicious.

There wasn’t anything particularly amazing about the city or anything special that we saw but my whole family just seemed to be enchanted by the city and we were all just having a good time. My favorite part was freaking my sister out when we climbed the city wall. When we told my dad that she was sweaty and freaking out from the heights and us purposely scaring her so he thought that he’d take it a little further and actually swung his leg over the railing and us three girls all screamed out in alarm; he thought it was hilarious.

From Rothenburg, we drove to Würzburg at the recommendation of my aunt. We had no idea what there was to see there, just that it was a pretty town, so instead of actually going to look or go inside anywhere, we walked around the town bought ice cream, and then left. The ice cream was the best part of that stop. We headed back to the Airbnb after that.

June 22 - Nuremberg

On our last day in Nuremberg, we had an early checkout at 9 am and since we were in the city best known for the trails after WWII set out to see where history was made. Our first stop was the Nazi Party Rally Grounds.

In 1933, the rally grounds were built after Hitler had declared that Nuremberg was the city of Nazi Party rallies after reasoning that the party was a continuation of German history and Nuremberg was the city that was the most centered on those German “ideals” that Hitler was “continuing”. The building was meant to intimidate but also impress and was also a form of propaganda and while the plans of the building were extensive, not all of the plans were carried out fully. At the end of the war, the City of Nuremberg took over ownership and in 1985, the building became a museum, open to the public as a place to learn about German history and the Nazi Party. 

As we walked through the building, reading over the main officers of the Party and the ideas and ideals that the Party encouraged and perpetuated, I grew angry and felt immensely sad, as if there was this weight pressing down on me by thinking about the inhumanity and barbarism of terrible men and women. At the end of the museum, there was a small tribute to the Jews that were killed, their names printed on cards and scattered over a portion of train tracks that were taken from one of the concentration camps. 

After the Nazi Party building, we headed to the Nuremberg Palace of Justice where the famous Nuremberg Trials were held to try the Nazi war criminals (Nazi Party officials, high-ranking military officers, German industrialists, lawyers, doctors, and more) of World War II. It was a series of 13 trials carried out from 1945-1949 and they were tried for crimes against peace and humanity. These trials would later set the stage for an international court to deal with future crimes against humanity. Holding the trials in the same city as the headquarters for the Nazi Party was the world’s symbolic ending of the Third Reich. The actual trials were a mix of legal traditions according to British and American law but the actual sentences were given by a panel of judges.

Many of the men that were indicted for war crimes and sentenced to death committed suicide before they could be killed, while some of those who were indicted were sentenced to prison were let out early on good behavior. While reading the panels that dictated what happened to the war criminals, I couldn’t help but think that this was God punishing them.

As we were leaving the city to head to our next destination, we saw a street fair that was being held in celebration of the summer solstice. There were food stands, carnival games, small rides, and tons of people. We decided to stop by and have lunch there; I had a crepe with mushroom, ham, and cheese with a pint of beer and a crepe with strawberries, banana, Nutella, and amaretto. It was so so so good. 

We were forced to eat our food fast because all of a sudden it got windy and seemed as if the it was going to start raining. Our next stop was Ausburg, another city we knew nothing about and just walked around before going to our next Airbnb in Burgau.

That Airbnb was a God-send. After bad beds that were making our backs hurt and an apartment that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months, this place seemed pristine. It was spacious, clean, the beds were plush, and the bathroom had a rain shower. That was one of the best nights of sleep that I had ever had.

[lostinamazon]

Kara didn’t notice when she started to become a Luthor. But Lena did. Of course it was slow at first, before they were even married. She remember the cold night she was working late, improving her alien detection device for the DEO – Lena was kind of working off the record for the organization since she did have a lot of research going on about all kind of aliens in her lab, so J'onn wanted to use that in their advantage after rescuing the president and capturing the Durlan that had taken her place. Kara had been once again helping her friend Barry from another dimension. She’s been gone a week now, and even though they would always find themselves away from each other because of their respective jobs, it wasn’t really a problem, since Kara could flight back with a warm meal from Lena's favourite restaurant in Rome and a quick but loving kiss. The blonde being in another dimension meant no flight backs, no kisses or even phone calls. Lena felt empty inside, so she worked late. She faintly heard Jess talking to someone outside, but kept working on her blueprints, only looking up when she heard the doors of her office opening, jaw dropping when she saw Kara, ponytail and glasses in place, hands stuffed inside her blazer and a big smile on her lips as she approached Lena’s desk. “Kara!” Lena was off of her chair before Kara could even reach her, quickly walking towards her girlfriend and wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders. “Princess!” Kara laughed and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, lifting her off the floor for a few moments.  When Lena felt her feet touching the floor again, she pulled away to give a better look a her girlfriend, touching her face and checking her up and down. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? You weren’t racing against Barry again, right?” she asked quickly, still searching for anything wrong with her girlfriend’s body, as if something could hurt Kara. Kara only chuckled lightly, shaking her head. “I’m fine, Lena. Really. No racing against Barry.” Lena frowned, noticing the crinkle between Kara’s eyebrows. “What took you so long? Is something wrong?” Kara took a deep breath, running her hands up and down Lena’s arms soothingly. “Everything’s fine now. The aliens attacking Barry’s Earth were...” Kara looked down, as if it was hard for her to say the words. “They hurt Barry’s friend really bad. Atom’s fine now, it will take him a couple months to recover, but... everything’s fine. It was just hard to see him so...” Kara took another deep breath and smiled as she looked back at Lena. “Anyway! I'm back now and I prepared us a really nice dinner at home that’s waiting for us. So, grab your things and let’s go!” “Baby...” Lena smiled, looking back at the mess on her desk. “I really missed you, but I should finish this project for J’onn, and...” “No buts! I already talked with J’onn and sent Jess home for the evening! I really need us to go home now.” Lena frowned again, “You sent Jess home for the evening? And since when Jessica, my secretary, takes orders from you?” “Well,” Kara lifted up her chin with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Since I'm your girlfriend of two years, she knows better than to question me.” Lena couldn’t help but find Kara’s determination really hot in that moment. Of course she wasn’t mad Jess did what Kara told her to do, she was actually glad her secretary and all of the L-Corp employees knew the the blonde enough by now to treat her with respect whenever they saw them together walking through the hallways of the building or at gala parties. Kara actually knew of all the important research and projects L-Corp was doing and all of Lena’s investments, she would often give her girlfriend advices and Kara certainly could handle an interview by now after being under the spotlight beside Lena for so long. “Okay, I’ll let you wine and dine me tonight, Ms. Danvers.” Lena agreed. And of course the reporter would be back in Kara Danvers mode only a few minutes later, proposing to Lena inside the elevator because she was too nervous and eager to wait for them to get to their apartment. Lena said yes without even letting Kara finish the question. But that would always be the first time Lena noticed Kara resembling the determination of a Luthor. • The talk with the Danvers about Kara’s choice to change her last name went really smoothly, Eliza hugging her daughter close and saying how proud she was of the strong woman Kara had turned into, Alex playfully whispering ‘back to being an only child, finally’, and Jeremiah assuring the both of them they would always be a part of the family no matter their last names. The talk with Clark Kent wasn’t so smooth. Just because Clark Kent gave Lena the benefit of the doubt, it didn’t mean Superman was happy about her cousin choosing his biggest enemy’s last name as her own after marrying said enemy’s sister. “You can’t possibly be considering this, Kara!” “I'm not considering anything! I already made my decision!” It didn’t even matter that they were now underground in the old DEO base. They could feel the concrete walls vibrating as the Supers voices got louder and louder. Lena winced at the words. “I'm sorry about this. I'll talk to him, don’t worry.” Lena felt Lois hand on her shoulder as she stood up, looking at the closed doors of the room where her husband and his cousin were... talking. “Maybe he’s right. I told her I wouldn’t mind taking her last name.” Lena said quietly, looking down at her hands. “Her brother’s a murderer! He tried to kill me! Her mother tried to kill you, for Rao’s sake!” Clark was desperate now. “And Lena is not like any of them. She’s not her family, and I am marrying her!” “She will ruin you, Kara. She’ll destroy our legacy, because she’s as bad as her family’s na-“ Before Clark could finish his sentence, they heard a loud noise of something cracking, the ground beneath their feet shaking. Lois quickly busted the doors open and Lena followed her inside, only to see Kara holding Clark against the now cracked concrete wall by the collars of his shirt, the veins around her eyes visible as her eyeballs glowed dangerously red, jaw clenched. Feeling they had company, Kara gave her cousin one last hard push, closing her eyes for only a moment to cool the heat inside, giving a step away from a still shocked Clark. “Don’t talk about my wife like that ever again, Kal.” Kara turned around and walked towards Lena, taking the CEO’s hand in hers and guiding her out of the room. “We won’t lower our heads to anyone, Lena. Not even Superman.” She said as they walked away, but they both knew Clark was still listening. A few weeks later Clark would surprise Lena with a visit in her office, a bouquet of flowers and an apologetic look in his eyes, approaching her desk nervously. “Mr. Kent.” Lena said, standing up to meet him in front of her desk, arms crossed over her chest and chin held up. “I just wanted to apologize.” Clark said quickly. “I know I was... way out of line. And I’m sorry, Lena.” He lifted his hand to adjust the glasses on the bridge of his nose, a nervous act Lena new so well she deflected a little. “You know... everyone thinks I'm some sort of God.” He continued, looking at his feet. “The great and good Superman. And I used to act like nothing affected me. I still do. But that’s not true.” Clark finally turned his bright blue eyes to Lena’s green ones, a sad smile on his lips. “Your brother affected me. He studied me. He knew my weakness and he tortured me with it, and I’m not talking about kryptonite. When he kidnapped my mom and Lois...” Lena balled her hands into fists, and she was more than surprised when she saw Clark’s eyes shining with unshed tears. “I feel anger too. I feel sad and lonely at times. Lex knew all that and he used it against me. But I understand now when I look at you it’s not Lex I’m seeing. It’s the woman my cousin is marrying in a few days. And I'm truly, deeply sorry for what happened the other day, and I'm here asking if I could still go to your wedding this weekend.” Lena couldn’t help but smile at that. Superman asking for her permission for something. It was ironic at least. “I know I don’t have to and it won’t change anything that happened in the past, but I'm sorry about everything my brother did to you and your family. And of course Kara and I will be waiting for you and Lois at our wedding.” Clark smiled brightly at her, before wrapping her in a tight hug. “I have to admit, though: Kara is defending her future name with strong fists.” They laughed, and the next weekend Clark was third person to dance with the bride at the party, only after Lena and Jeremiah. • Lena was so used to the Kara Danvers signature after every article her wife wrote, that the first time she saw Kara Luthor it took her some time to process. She knew Kara chose to change her last name, but in the back of her mind the real reason would always be because Kara felt sorry for her. But reading ‘by Kara Luthor’ beneath Catco’s principal article made Lena realize that the blonde was completely invested in taking Lena’s last name as her own. That’s why the CEO grabbed her purse and decided to pay at visit to her wife in her office for a change. Lena found Kara typing away some new article in her new office – with wide windows – eyebrows crinkled in concentration. Knocking lightly against the blonde’s door, Lena greeted her wife. “Am I interrupting something?” Kara turned her chair in swift motion, smiling brightly when she laid eyes on Lena. “Lena!” The CEO chuckled when Kara made her cute grabby motions with her hands, walking towards her wife and letting Kara pull her on her lap. “Of course you’re not interrupting anything. I was just writing about this group of bad senators who are taking money from public funds, but I'll catch them later through my pen or my cape.” The blonde placed her right hand on Lena’s hip, while cupping her wife’s cheek with the left, before kissing her slowly. Lena still felt all warm inside every time they kissed, and almost every night after Kara fell asleep, Lena would take some time just looking at her wife’s face, how the wedding ring on her finger glowed beautifully at the moonlight, because she still couldn’t believe she had someone who loved her back. The hand on Lena’s cheek lowered to her tight, and the CEO shivered when she felt said hand slipping higher and higher under her skirt. She pulled away from her wife’s mouth with a loud pop. “Kara!” Lena whispered loudly, looking at the closed door. The blonde chuckled, cheeks slightly red, but she didn’t pulled her hand away. “What? You don’t stop me when we have our... play time in your office.” "That’s completely different!” Lena said, trying to push Kara’s hand away, but giggling when her wife kissed her neck. "Why? Because we own the place?” Kara kept spreading little bites all over Lena’s jaw. And it still amazed Lena how casually Kara aknowledged the fact that they shared not only a name now, but a life together, including everything they had. For some strange reason it made everything between them seem that much solid and real. “It’s so hot when you said my things are also your things now.” Lena breathed out, moving her head to the side to give Kara more access to her neck. They were so distracted by their heavy make out session, that they didn’t hear the door bursting open. “Luthor!” “Yes!?” They said together, breaking apart so fast that Lena almost slipped off of Kara’s lap, but the blonde quickly wrapped her arms around her wife’s body to prevent her from falling. Snapper Carr only stood there, a puzzled look on his face as if he was still trying process what was happening in Kara’s office, then he suddenly looked away, ears burning red. “Your deadline finished ten minutes ago, Luthor!” Snapper grumbled. “I expect you in my office in less then five!” The he was out. Lena blinked once. Twice. “M-My... dead- what?” she stood up, still confused and mortified of being caught by her wife’s boss. “That’s me. My article.” Kara also stood up and fumbled with some papers. “He calls you Luthor now?” “Well, it is my name, you know. And it’s better than ‘ponytail’.” Kara looked up at Lena, smiling a her wife’s surprised expression. “Look, I really have to give this to Snapper. But don’t forget we’re hosting game night tonight, so I’ll see you later, princess!” Kara pressed a quick kiss against her wife’s cheek and a firm slap on her ass before running out of the office, leaving a flushed Lena behind. Later that night Lena would come home only to find Maggie and Kara playfully sparring in their living room, Alex greeting her with a open beer, rolling her eyes at their wives. “James and Winn will be late. And Maggie still wants to prove she can kick Supergirl’s ass.” Alex said with a shrug. “I can!” Maggie yelled over her shoulder, aiming her right fist at Kara’s nose, but the blonde quickly deflected. “No superspeed, that’s cheating!” “You’re going down, Sawyer!” Kara laughed. “Oh, I'm going down all right, Luthor! Right, babe?” Maggie smiled, winking at her blushing wife. Kara stopped her kick in midair, scrunching up her nose. “Now that’s cheating! I hate you!” Alex and Lena could only laugh. • Lena knew Kara was suspicious. She noticed the blonde squinting her eyes when she said she had to work through the night once again, but Lena also knew Kara trusted her enough to not follow her around with her x-ray vision or with the superhearing. But Kara definitely knew something was up. “What are you doing here?” Lena jumped off of the chair, hand flying to her chest where her heart was now beating so fast it felt like she could spit it out any time now. “Kara!” Lena took a deep breath, smiling nervously, finger sliding over the screen of the DEO laptop she had been working on to close one of the many open tabs. “Darling, you startled me! When did you learn to be so sneaky?” She chuckled, hoping to lighten up her wife’s mood. “With you.” Kara said shortly, looking around the very well equipped lab Lena had been hiding in. “And it’s the DEO. I work here.” She grabbed a small sample glass that was closer to Lena. “Is this your blood?” Lena sighed in relief when she saw Eliza walking through the lab doors. “Kara! What a surprise!” “Mom?” the blonde looked between the two of them with a frown. “I didn’t know you were in National City. What are you doing here? With Lena?” “We are... working... on something...” Eliza tried to explain, but Lena placed a gentle hand on her mother-in-law’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Eliza. Can you give us a minute?” Eliza nodded and kissed both of their cheeks before walking out of the lab. Lena sighed again, taking the sample from Kara’s hand and placing it back in its holder. “It is my blood.” She said quietly. Kara tried not to panic as she stepped closer to her wife, “Is something wrong? A-are you sick?” Lena quicky shook her head, moving her hands to the blonde’s warm cheeks. “No! God, no, I'm fine!” she smiled, because of course Kara’s mind would go there. “It was a surprise. For you.” “What? Working in secret for the DEO?” Kara asked, clearly confused. “No. I’m... trying...” Lena bit her bottom lip nervously, before looking up at her wife. “I'm studying our DNAs because I'm trying to get pregnant.” Kara’s jaw dropped and she stared dumbly at Lena. The one and only time Kara mentioned her desire to have kids was almost two years ago over their one year anniversary dinner. It was also the first time they had a big fight after their marriage. Maybe at all. Lena didn’t want kids, she didn’t even want to think about the idea of having kids. She screamed she wanted to be the last Luthor, and Kara screamed back that guess what, she wasn’t the last Luthor because that was her last name now, too. They ended up screaming back and forth about kids and last names, until Kara grabbed a pillow and a blanket and slept on the couch, leaving the bed to Lena. The next morning Kara woke up to the smell of plumerias and pancakes, sitting up and looking over the couch to see all of her favorite foods on top of the dinner table, flowers all over their apartment, and Lena standing there with an apologetic look. Kara quickly ran to her wife and wrapped her in a hug whispering how sorry she was over and over again, carrying Lena to their bedroom to have the most amazing make up sex ever. Kara never mentioned kids ever again. “Y-You’re...” Kara choked, then cleared her throat. “Why, Lena?” she asked quietly. Lena gently took Kara’s hands in hers with a small smile, “Because I see the way you look at Jamie when we have to babysit her.” “It’s not my fault she got Maggie’s dimples. She’s so cute!” Kara bit her lip to keep herself from smiling too wide. “I remember your amazed look when Jonathan floated around the house and you and Clark played ‘float and seek’ with him for almost an entire day!” Lena couldn’t help but smile with Kara at that. “He floats really well for a two year old.” Kara reasoned. “And I know how proud of yourself you are for being the only aunt Damien hasn’t tried to prank yet. He even cuddles with you.” Lena touched her wife’s nose with her forefinger playfully. “He’s a secret cuddler... and you’re one to talk!” Kara pointed at finger at Lena. “Don’t try to pretend you didn’t get full of yourself when he said you were the best aunt ever after giving him the prototype of those x-ray goggles you’re working on.” Lena looking down bashfully, cheeks turning pink as she nodded. Damien was the only one of their nephews and nieces who was old enough to show some interest and appreciation over her many tech creations. “Princess... you don’t have to do it for me.” Kara whispered, lifting Lena’s chin to look inside green eyes. “You already make me the happiest woman in whole universe!” “I know...” and Lena knew. She knew because Kara made her feel the same way, from the moment she wakes up to the moment they lay in a mess of limbs at night. “You’re a great aunt. But I want you to be the most amazing mom I know you can be. I was afraid to be a failure like my mother was, and to be completely honest, I was afraid of what Lex and Lillian could do if they ever found out we have a baby. But I'm not afraid anymore. I want to have this baby with you.” Kara was crying quietly, arms wrapped tightly around Lena’s body. “But... how will you... you know?” “It’s all very technical, but the key is the Codex with the kryptonian’s DNA inside Clark’s cells. I’ve got samples of his blood and yours - I had to wait for you to get knocked out, by the way - and mixed it together to create another cell that’s capable to fetilize my eggs. The research took quite some time, Eliza helped me, we also had to contact Alura and even Jor-El for help, but I’m pretty sure it works.” Lena took a big breath after that, smiling brightly at her wife. “I was hoping to surprise you on our three years anniversary.” Kara looked between Lena’s eyes and her belly several times, as if trying to imagine a life growing inside her wife’s body. Lena knew she was excited already, the way the blonde’s blue eyes twinkled betrayed her and the CEO couldn’t really blame her amazing wife. “Can we please make our baby now?” She asked, finally, and Lena nodded happily. • When Lori Luthor was born, Kara insisted she was she most beautiful baby ever, with the most perfect small tuffs of black hair, and barely open blue eyes, and perfect little toes. She spent the whole night with the baby in her arms, only handing her to Lena carefully to be fed, and even then, she kept her unblinking eyes on them until they finished. When they went home, Kara would softly whisper old kryptonians lullabies to Lori sleep, and the most exciting stories about her planet. Most nights she carried Lori to their bed, holding her close to her chest, and she would look at Lena as if she had given her the most precious gift ever. And Lena supposed she had. “You gave me an entire new world, Lena. You gave me a bright yellow sun.” Kara whispered, caressing Lori’s cheek with her index finger, before loking at Lena, who had her arms wrapped around both of her girls. “You gave me Krypton back.” Kara’s eyes were shinning with happy unshed tears. “And it all started when you gave me your last name.” Oh, how Lena loved being a Luthor. ♡♡♡ Part I on Ao3. Again, sorry for any possible grammar mistakes, I'm a very frustrated Brazilian SuperCorp shipper, but I love them too much to give up on them. CW and its male love interests can suck my d*ck!

[insugarush]

Prelude Part II: Wings Tour in Seoul 18th & 19th February 2017---The Process

Masterlist

Prelude Part I

Prelude Part II: Wings Tour in Seoul 18th & 19th February 2017

Part 2: The Process: Bias, Accommodation, Permission, Tickets, Visa, Letters—In that order!

Now that I was an established and a very public Army (my family couldn't fathom my obsession—they still don't—but it was no secret) like everybody else, I was devouring the endless content BTS and BigHit keep us happy with, constantly. 24/7. They would make my day brighter. Bring a smile to my face. Make me laugh out loud. Make me tear up. All in front of my laptop. YouTube was my new best friend and I carried around electronics wherever I went because come on—it becomes an addiction and you start getting withdrawal symptoms when you go even a day without them! I am not the fan-girling type, but boy oh boy, did BTS convert me and convert me hard! They have this special gift of making each and every one feel so up close and personal with them. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking this..they brought out this protectiveness in me that I only reserve for my closest and bestest friends. I wished the best for them, wished to protect them, wished to do things to help them.

I was so upset when I came across that video of RapMon and Yoongi being dissed by Bfree or whoever the hell he was.

Lets not even talk about Flower Boy Crew or whatever, one look at Kookie’s face on an article that spoke about his mistreatment and I refused to watch it.

It still makes my blood boil. Sometimes, I stay up thinking of ways to exact revenge on those assholes, excuse my French. Ugh. Anyway. Moving on.

What I’m trying to say is, the connection was real and intense and unbreakable right from the get go.

Lets take a moment to talk about biases because it's a rite of passage isn’t it? One has a bias. One loves all 7 babies equally, but one always, always, always has a bias that makes one’s knees weak. It may come as a surprise to you (my name is insugarush after all), but my chosen bias within the first few weeks of being a newborn Army was Jungkook.

He was cute and his moves mesmerized me and there were endless videos about how adorable he is and also contradictingly manly and oh-so-talented and he likes Noonas (yayy small victory there) The Golden Maknae had caught my attention and I was pretty sure that would be it. I remember being annoyed at Suga while watched Summer Package thinking “Why is he so lazy” “why is he so sleepy and grumpy” “Jungkook is so cool” “He hardly even has footage”

This was before, of course, I knew about how hard he worked and all his issues. All older Armys will remember Suga used to get little footage earlier even in variety shows as compared to the rest of the boys, probably because in the pre AgustD era he used to be more reserved and just generally more quiet and not this funny, spontaneous, carefree, fun person we see today (touch wood) (may God always keep him this happy and give him more and more reasons to be with every passing day)

But this is what I tell people. I didn't choose Yoongi, Yoongi chose me. Much like life and fate and other small, inexplicable things that ultimately come together to form the bigger picture. I don't know how it happened, during which show or concert or bomb, but way before the BST comeback, suddenly, my radar picked up on Yoongi. I couldn't look past Yoongi. Everyone else faded into the background and it was just Yoongi Yoongi Yoongi for me. All his charms came to the forefront and suddenly the same videos I watched and got annoyed at earlier now became super-duper cute and I just entered this black hole and just…you get the point. He destroyed me. Ruined me for life. It was 2 weeks of Jungkook and then Yoongi was like “bitch look at me” and I was a goner. He STOLE my heart people. STOLE it. And now its his forever. <sigh>

Sliding into my bias list like.

Anyway. I had made up my mind. BTS was true love. I had to see it till the end. The moment even just the rumours started circulating about their world tour, I promised myself I would attend one of their concerts. I promised myself I would make it work somehow! Do what it takes. Go wherever it’s easiest to get permission. I think that was still around their comeback sometime in October, because there was no official announcement yet.

Once it was announced the easiest target for me was LA. I had family there and visa, and also a fellow Army cousin sister, so it was literally just about booking the flight and getting the concert tickets, everything else would be taken care of, and my parents would be satisfied. This happened on 19th November. As expected it was easy to get permission from my family, and I got super-duper excited because I really thought this is gonna happen! What I didn’t expect was issues cropping from my family there..it seemed they wouldn't be around at that time etc etc…my heart was broken people. Into a million tiny pieces. Its one thing knowing you can never go, but another getting so close to going, seeing literally everything work out, and then having to cut out that dream and throw it away again. My family tried to make me feel better saying there would be a next time and there are so many concerts to come but I was sad. For exactly 2 days. Lol.

Like I said, I don’t give up. For a moment, I considered trying for Newark. Same country, different coast, but I had friends so it might work. Worth a shot! I was desperate. I just didn’t want to give up. The next day I got talking to another cousin whose in Dubai and we decided amongst ourselves that it was now or never. Forget anywhere else, we MUST go to Seoul for this. There would be more concerts, true, but this in particular was a special one! This one had all the boys’ solos and it was a next step, the end of one era and the beginning of a new one and the first concert was in Seoul. We must go. And it HAS to be Seoul because we have noticed the level of interaction the boys have with KArmys (obviously because of no language barrier—though int Armys get their own perks in their concerts)

21st November I booked accommodation online on my credit card. I didn't tell a soul, just me and my cousin, without permission, without tickets, flight OR concert—just pure faith that I need to make this work. The only thing on my mind was---people will flood the city and even if we get permission and tickets and visa, maybe there would be no room for us in Seoul because everything would be sold out! Lol. The mind is funny when it panics. Of course the whole city wouldn't have been sold out! It was a BTS Concert, not Olympics! But in my mind it was just as big, if not bigger.

I made sure I booked rooms that can be paid at a later date, took a wild guess at the dates (we had the tour dates I just booked 2 days before to 2 after) and it came down to $1000 for 2 rooms, max 5 people. Not a bad deal if you do the math!

Permission. Now this was a whole other ordeal. If most of you reading this are from India, like me, then you know this is not normal yet. Letting your daughter travel all the way to another part of the world just for a concert, to watch 7 boys you don’t know of, just doesn’t happen! All I can say is, I worked hard people. I concentrated on not making my parents angry. Doing whatever they wanted. Missed out on things I wanted to do so that I do what they want of me. When I was in sufficiently good books, broke the news to them that this was the goal I was working towards. I’m not the type to ask my parents for things, they could see how badly I wanted this. “No way” my dad had said. “I am not sending you to another country alone just with another cousin sister.” He did get convinced finally when I added desperately that my cousin’s mom might be joining us too (she had no plans but it sort of became a conditional permission) I promised him I would pay for my accommodation, concert tickets and any expenses on my own. All I need from him is permission and air tickets. Lol. This is how we compromise people! I didn’t dare breathe a word about how I had gone ahead and booked accommodation without his knowledge. What he doesn't know won’t hurt him! :P  

Concert Tickets. This made me cry. I am not kidding. This was the most stressful part of this entire ordeal. I kept reminding myself how much I love BTS and how this will all be worth it in the end. I give 100% credit to my cousin sister, who btw, hadn't even taken permission from her own folks yet, but worked with everything she’s got to secure tickets.

First we tried the normal way. The date and time were out, the website was in Korean, but still accessible. I got one of my best friends who also happens to be a Korean to help me out. She lives in New York but she agreed to wake up at 4am to book our tickets for us..I filled her in (“BTS? Now who are they? Are you over Kim Hyun Joong? Park Bo Gum too? Good Lord you are not faithful”) We did a trial run before the actual day of booking. We navigated the page, downloaded the app, etc etc. We decided the 3 of us would try and book together from India, Dubai and New York, and whoever gets through, great! I had heard horror stories about tickets being sold out in minutes and didn’t want to risk it. I was fully aware that I would cancel all my plans if I didn’t get tickets.

On the day of the tickets opening up for sale to the general public, I was traveling. In the middle of nowhere. Somewhere around Mysore Palace to be exact. Everyone reading this from India knows we are not that lucky with internet, specially on the highways atop mountains, but I was carrying my stuff. We were out with another family and everyone was very hyped about this. One of the boys had asked me, “Who ARE these people that you’re going all the way to Korea to see?” I am proud to say I made an Army fanboy right there once I made him listen to Fire and then Dope. I prefer making people listen to the songs first so they don’t judge on the basis of appearances.

My throat was dry and my heart was pounding, I had everything ready—laptop, net, credit card. My friend from NY on the other phone with me, we’re all waiting for the sale to open. The minute it happened, all 3 of us on 3 laptops in 3 different corners of the world started frantically trying to buy tickets. We wanted the stands, BTS only. We all made it as far as seat selection page, but after that it just. wont. budge. For all of us! We tried and tried. I thought maybe it's the internet. I did everything I could! But the seats just wouldn't get selected. I saw the seats dwindle IN FRONT OF MY EYES. It went from 300 seats available to 150 available to 50 available to 10 available to finally---sold out. I called up New York and Dubai hoping and praying they have something—nope. Same story everywhere. I wanted to cry. I was just broken. I mean..I had done everything possible, but it just didn't happen. It dint work for all of us! At the same time! What does this even mean?!

I was so sad. Like so sad. I remember everyone trying to cheer me up, and me just reigning in my tears because we were traveling with another family. I couldn't even grieve properly. I just left that to it but refused to cancel my hotel yet. I could cancel in Feb without being charged so I just..left it. Mostly because it would break my heart to do it.

Unable to make the selection after coming this far--^

The next day we got information that some tickets are going on re-sale on the same website at midnight. AGAIN we sat. Again we got stuck at the same place. Again we saw the numbers dwindle and dwindle till they got sold out. Again. Now I was beyond frustrated. How can this happen 2 times in a row?! How have the others got their tickets?! What are we doing wrong?!

I realised too late it was probably a website thing, we should have tried the app the second day. Just didn't strike me till the tickets got sold out again right in front of my eyes! That helplessness and frustration is something I can never forget. And I felt worse when I realized the solution, just 5 minutes too late. Should have used the bloody App.

This time instead of being sad, I was filled with anger and determination. I’m gonna do this somehow, I vowed to myself. This was mid December already. My cousin sister and I started working on finding re-sellers on Twitter and on the Korean re-sale sites. We tried KoreanBuddy, koreanshoppingservice..dude I don’t even remember! I just remember a lot of Korean websites, Google Translate and Stress, that's all. We did our research, checked up blogs on how buy re-sale tickets, what to look for to find out if it's a fraud etc etc. We found a legit site called TicketBay and a bunch of people selling at insane prices ($400 for a $100 ticket) and finally decided on one seller and bought 2 tickets. This is January 10th already..the concert is a month away, and we’re still buying tickets. No one at home knows about this yet. My cousin did all the leg work..many people backed out, many people asked for payments in advance. We got lucky that the only girl we paid in advance turned out to be true, we were desperate at that point and only wanted to score tickets. I had decided even if it's a loss, it would be a secret I would take to my grave. Once we secured that, we became more relaxed. The girl was to meet us 1 day before the concert and hand over tickets, she seemed honest and sent loads and loads of proof before we took that leap of faith! I would strongly advise better decision making abilities people. We got lucky. We sent her money on PayPal, she could have turned out to be a fraud and run away with it and couldn't have been able to do jack..but again, we got lucky.

Just so you guys get a modicum of an idea about how messy this thing was:

Kind of proof to expect:

Trying our luck everywhere:

Being suspicious little bitches because come on--money!

Just an idea of how frustrating it all was:

Then we started actively working on Air Tickets and packing. Now my cousin decided to START getting permission, lol. It was much more stressful for her, she’s younger and it was a long and drawn out process, but she managed finally. Her mom and sister wanted to come along too, so that worked out for all of us! I’m glad I hadn’t cancelled my 5 seater accommodation in December! But Air ticket prices had shot up, and I ended up paying $1200 for my tickets instead of $600, which I could have if I had booked earlier. But I was waiting for at least concert tickets and my cousin to sort out her permission issues!

An idea of my packing list:

All of January was very, very stressful. Trying to find re-sellers is a pain, and trying to figure out if they are legit is even worse. Everyone had their own demands. Some we could and some we couldn't meet. Someway down the line we decided that now that we’re going all the way to Seoul to actually watch the boys, it would be a shame to just go one day. And hence the whole process of looking for more tickets re-started! Ugh. Ugly! But now that at least 1 pair was secured, we were okay with people wanting upfront payments on the day of the concerts and meeting us outside etc etc…worse comes to worst, they would ditch, but at least we would still have our money with us! One girl did ditch us btw. She suddenly stopped replying on 19th morning, on the DAY of the second concert, but thankfully my cousin had another back up contact lined up. Seriously, kudos to her! She managed the tickets on her own.

In total I ended up paying $600 for 2 tickets for both days as late as late as January 16th, that was just me. My cousin paid additional for her 2 tickets! The first pair of tickets we got delivered to my cousin’s friend in Korea, even that BigHit sent out the physical tickets so damn late (10th or 11th February I think?) that our hearts found no rest till the tickets were in our friend’s hands! We picked those for 18th up on 17th night, and additional 2 tickets with upfront payment  for the 19th also the same night. Another extra ticket 19th morning, just before we entered the arena for the second day.

A picture of the delivered ticket that finally put us at ease!

It was sticky and messy and oh-so-stressful, I just remember being constantly stressed right from December to February when I actually left. Of course worth it in the end when we got to see the boys, but I strongly recommend downloading the app and using it every damn day if you have to, just get familiar with it (Interpark) so when the time comes you are prepared about how to buy your own BTS tickets at stock price!

I’m glad I got to see the boys but I could have easily saved $1000---which would have meant that much more merchandise or maybe even an additional concert in the nearer countries if I was feeling a little too ambitious with my parents and permission! :P

We hardly had a week to go before leaving for Seoul now, and that was mostly spent in trying out outfits to pack, making itineraries (I have done extensive research guys, please ask me what you want to know, I can probably become a guide in Seoul if I want by now). I listed down things I wanted to do/places I wanted to visit/food I wanted to try, area wise in my diary. Which mode of transportation to take, which card to buy that would work on Subways---etc etc. I sort of tried taking responsibility for this because my cousin had managed all the ticketing mess more or less on her own.

So my last week was spent in that, and the fan project I randomly decided to start. Things actually fell into place so late, that by the time I initiated the fan project there was already too less time to spread the word or go about it in a more organized manner. But thanks to all the lovely, lovely Indian Armys who helped me out so much by spreading the word, sending in their letters and artwork, and even cover page for me, it worked out! I spent the last 2 days in India editing and compiling the book to BTS, I wanted it to look nice and I really, really wanted to take all your lovely words to them. Some of those letters were so touching that I remember feeling like I was intruding by even reading them. Even after I reached Seoul airport, I was working on the book, marking up the letters etc. The final result turned out really nice, actually! I will write a whole other update for that, because the sort of drama that happened there deserves a post lol.

For now, just glimpses you’ve already seen on my Twitter @insugarush:

The pages on which I printed the letters:

An array of things while compiling <omg you guys are SO talented>

The actual book..!

Soo for anyone who wants to know..this entire thing took me about 3 months of insane stress and planning and about $3000 in total, which included escalated Air Fare and Concert Tickets, Hotel Tariff, Visa and even expenses in Seoul. It's an inflated figure and I’m sure you can manage with waaay less if you are smart about your bookings!

A lot of people emailed me when they heard about me going to Seoul for the concert saying how lucky I was. Yes, maybe 1% of it was luck but trust me guys---I worked freakin hard to make this happen. Against all sorts of odds. I could have given up long ago, at the first sign of it not working out, but I kept pushing. What I want to say is…please don't feel its something that will never happen for you. Its just about charting out a way and trying your best. At least give it your best shot! Don’t give up in your head, before you even try, just because it seems impossible. If it really doesn't happen after that, no worries…at least you tried! Even I couldn't have imagined all this would work out. I think about how I was so close to going to LA or Newark---but I’m so glad I pushed for Seoul. It was the culmination of a whole lot of efforts, not just luck..

Me, finally on my way to see my boys!^

Sorry for the long post, and once again, thank you so much for your patience. I know I’m taking my own time, but I want to update properly and in detail! Sorry if this post was too long or boring, send me feedback on Twitter @insugarush and I would be happy to inculcate it in my next posts ^_^

Stay tuned!

[hisrepentance]

tag dump 3/??

dynamics

ii. we’ve been through hell and back together & i wouldn’t hesitate to take a second travel just for you. pastrepentance

ii. respect a man who can heal a heart he didn’t break & love a child he didn’t make. haloaflame

ii. your hands are scarred from murder & yet i trust them completely. unholymayhem

ii. you are not an anchor to hold me down; nor the sail to take me there; you are the guiding light whose love shows me the way. kinghailed

ii. he set fire to the world around him ; but never let a flame touch me. belfastbutcher

ii. he’s the type of man you want to go to war beside; not against. halfwayapologies

ii. i won’t tell anyone i saw you fall from heaven as i crawled my way out of hell. starsdisappeared

ii. the only reason god made us cousins is because he knew the world couldn’t handle us as sisters. emperatrizmaya

ii. this is my family ;  i found it all on my own. it's little & broken ; but still good. samcro & co

ii. when brother & sister stand shoulder to shoulder ; who stands a chance against us. gavelcorrupted

ii. he’s the voice of reasons when the demons in my head get too loud ; my true north when i can’t find my way home. wantdtruth 

ii. you can break my soul ; take my life away ; beat me ; hurt me ; kill me ; but for the love of god ; don’t touch him. knowledgepowered 

ii. it don't matter where I lay my head at night ; your arms feel like home. reydelosmayas 

ii. i knew it the moment we met ; you are supposed to be in my life one way or another. mybadtm

ii. you came into my life & i let you ; the dumb lamb not knowing you were nothing but a wolf in sheep clothing. mercilesskingpin

ii. moondust in our lungs & stars in our eyes ; sisters of the cosmos & rulers of the skies. mistakeslearned 

ii. he’s so tall & handsome as hell ; he’s so bad but he does it so well. elsecretvrio 

ii. you always catch me when i fall & accept me ; flaws and all. asesinodedios

ii. i thought i was weird & then i met you ; but you accept me and i like that about you. lostfingers 

ii. he said he could keep me safe because they’re all afraid of him. gangsterzen 

ii. he was something solid to lean against ; a pillar to keep me from falling when my world crumbled. remembersshit 

ii. sugar ; spice & everything nice. emperatrizmaya & starsdisappeared

ii. but what do you do when the person you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger. streetblade 

ii. sometimes i think about how much sadder i would be without you. fightershevrt 

[its-abroad-world]

Adventure #11: June 20-22 - Nuremberg, Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Würzberg, Nuremberg (again), Ausburg: Pastries, Nazis, and Courtrooms

June 20 - Prague to Nuremberg

We made good time on the road from Prague to Nuremberg, enough time that we were too early to check into our Airbnb at 6 pm, so instead, we went into town to see what was there. For the first time on the trip, the weather was actually cold and gloomy. When we walked into the main square, the first thing that we saw was Schöner Brunnen, a golden fountain from the 14th century. There were levers all around the fountain and if you pulled on them hard, water from the fountain would flow out; a lot of the little kids were playing with it. We were just strolling through the square when it started to rain, getting harder and harder every second. We sought shelter in one of the shopping areas and stayed there until we could hightail it to the car.

By the time the rain stopped pouring, we could already check into our Airbnb which was a bit of an ordeal. My cousin had to climb on top of a dryer to retrieve the key to the building. When we finally got inside the building, we realized that we had to climb four flights of stairs because there was no elevator. Having become grumpy from having to haul tons of suitcases up, we were even more displeased to find that the place was dirty and in need of repair. Some of the light switches did not have socket covers, the kitchen sink only operated at a slow trickle, the hot water in the shower was sketchy at best and was connected to an electric water heater that did the opposite of what it said, the “beds” were basically couch cushions pushed together, the bed frames were broken, and the bedding did not look or smell like it had been changed from whoever stayed there last. We were not happy.

We rested a bit and then went to buy groceries for dinner, and stayed in for the rest of the night, glad to get some rest after our marathon in Prague.

June 21 - Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Würzburg

We woke up bright and early after having the worst night of sleep of the whole trip, backs aching and complaining about our less than satisfactory “beds”. Our first destination of the day was Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Germany’s best-preserved wall town. Rick Steves describes this city as “Germany’s fairy-tale dream town” with its enchanting medieval look and feel which was once the second-largest city in Germany during the Middle Ages. When my mom and aunt had planned this trip, they really only wanted to go because they saw it on an episode of Rick Steves but outside of that, we didn’t really know much of the place and were content strolling through the city and wandering in and out of buildings. This was truly the cutest town.

We walked into a lot of bakeries and got something at each place. My favorite was a giant slice of raspberry pie from a small family-owned bakery where we also tried the town specialty, schneeballs, which were basically fried balls of pastry dough coated in different sweet toppings. They weren’t all that special, but the pie was delicious.

There wasn’t anything particularly amazing about the city or anything special that we saw but my whole family just seemed to be enchanted by the city and we were all just having a good time. My favorite part was freaking my sister out when we climbed the city wall. When we told my dad that she was sweaty and freaking out from the heights and us purposely scaring her so he thought that he’d take it a little further and actually swung his leg over the railing and us three girls all screamed out in alarm; he thought it was hilarious.

From Rothenburg, we drove to Würzburg at the recommendation of my aunt. We had no idea what there was to see there, just that it was a pretty town, so instead of actually going to look or go inside anywhere, we walked around the town bought ice cream, and then left. The ice cream was the best part of that stop. We headed back to the Airbnb after that.

June 22 - Nuremberg

On our last day in Nuremberg, we had an early checkout at 9 am and since we were in the city best known for the trails after WWII set out to see where history was made. Our first stop was the Nazi Party Rally Grounds.

In 1933, the rally grounds were built after Hitler had declared that Nuremberg was the city of Nazi Party rallies after reasoning that the party was a continuation of German history and Nuremberg was the city that was the most centered on those German “ideals” that Hitler was “continuing”. The building was meant to intimidate but also impress and was also a form of propaganda and while the plans of the building were extensive, not all of the plans were carried out fully. At the end of the war, the City of Nuremberg took over ownership and in 1985, the building became a museum, open to the public as a place to learn about German history and the Nazi Party.

As we walked through the building, reading over the main officers of the Party and the ideas and ideals that the Party encouraged and perpetuated, I grew angry and felt immensely sad, as if there was this weight pressing down on me by thinking about the inhumanity and barbarism of terrible men and women. At the end of the museum, there was a small tribute to the Jews that were killed, their names printed on cards and scattered over a portion of train tracks that were taken from one of the concentration camps.

After the Nazi Party building, we headed to the Nuremberg Palace of Justice where the famous Nuremberg Trials were held to try the Nazi war criminals (Nazi Party officials, high-ranking military officers, German industrialists, lawyers, doctors, and more) of World War II. It was a series of 13 trials carried out from 1945-1949 and they were tried for crimes against peace and humanity. These trials would later set the stage for an international court to deal with future crimes against humanity. Holding the trials in the same city as the headquarters for the Nazi Party was the world’s symbolic ending of the Third Reich. The actual trials were a mix of legal traditions according to British and American law but the actual sentences were given by a panel of judges.

Many of the men that were indicted for war crimes and sentenced to death committed suicide before they could be killed, while some of those who were indicted were sentenced to prison were let out early on good behavior. While reading the panels that dictated what happened to the war criminals, I couldn’t help but think that this was God punishing them.

As we were leaving the city to head to our next destination, we saw a street fair that was being held in celebration of the summer solstice. There were food stands, carnival games, small rides, and tons of people. We decided to stop by and have lunch there; I had a crepe with mushroom, ham, and cheese with a pint of beer and a crepe with strawberries, banana, Nutella, and amaretto. It was so so so good.

We were forced to eat our food fast because all of a sudden it got windy and seemed as if it was going to start raining. Our next stop was Ausburg, another city we knew nothing about and just walked around before going to our next Airbnb in Burgau.

That Airbnb was a God-send. After bad beds that were making our backs hurt and an apartment that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months, this place seemed pristine. It was spacious, clean, the beds were plush, and the bathroom had a rain shower. That was one of the best nights of sleep that I had ever had.