#ignore the fuck ass quality of these pics

[lupeloto]

olivia rodrigo’s “the grudge” + mickey milkovich

- I have nightmares each week about that Friday in May

One phone call from you and my entire world was changed

Trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers

Took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers

And I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did

But I hold on to every detail like my life depends on it

My undying love, now, I hold it like a grudge

And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough -

- And I try to be tough, but I wanna scream

How could anybody do the things you did so easily?

And I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine

But you know I can't let it go, I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long

It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong -

[blue-jisungs]

guiding you through crowd ♡

requested. yup! based on a piece i wrote here and got asked to write something like that w txt ^^

additional. established relationship + reader an boys’ relationship is known to public

┆彡 YEONJUN [ 연준 ]

oh boy

he tries to act cool but he’s kinda pissed off :(

esp when you’re leaving a place you were on a date with and it’s really your first time seeing such a big crowd in person

you panic a little but he kissed your temple, cheeks, nose; everything, to calm you down

squeezes your hand as you walk through the crowd, eyes fixated on you to notice if there’s any discomfort or anxiety growing on your face

asks if you’re okay once in a car, ready to give anything you need

water? already on your lap. need a breather? he’s opening the window slightly and guides you through it. need a kiss or hug? he’s already smooching your face. a joke to lighten up the mood? knock knock–

definitely makes a serious comment about it in weverse (as he should)

┆彡 SOOBIN [ 수빈 ]

poor baby

he’s so nervous and unsure what to do

well, no. he’s sure he needs to get you safe to the car but he’s so sad and angry at the same time

not only you’re robbed of privacy but also he can clearly see how this situation made you anxious

helps you calm down a bit, runs his fingers through your hair in a soothing motion

asks the guard if you can grab his shirt ㅠㅠ

and the man agrees, bless his heart

so as you squeeze your eye shut in fear, one hand clutching the bodyguard’s shirt not to stray too far away and the other squeezing soobin’s hand

soobin himself is glaring at the ‘fans’, clearly annoyed

which makes some of them a bit scared

┆彡BEOMGYU [ 범규 ]

he’s so <||3

you know those pics of celebs who hide their faces by tucking a tissue unde their sunglasses or wearing a bag on their head?

yeah

ignoring the fact that people know who you both are

beomgyu wants to ease the tension and proposes to wear something silly

paparazzis and ‘fans’ are here in the first place to get some pics, no?

so why don’t give them pics.

so he’s walking, hand in yours swinging dramatically as you have masks with holes cut for eyes on your face

well, you have two normal masks and one with holes; he has a paper bag with a >:P scribbled on it

almost slams into the car door tho bc he didn’t calculate the distance between them and himself LMAOSJW

but once you’re in a car, his hands are on your face (masks taken off) – worried eyes scanning if you’re okay

you calm each other down, beomgyu making a mental note to speak on it during next live

┆彡 TAEHYUN [ 태현 ]

umm

he’s pissed 😇

he wanted the spend some time with you and all of a sudden there’s this huge crowd approaching you in a park

he sees how tensed up you got and in the blink of an eye calls the guards.

stares threateningly into the ‘fans’’ eyes while he guides you to the car, his hand never leaving the small of your back

once you’re in the car this mf will step out and very friendly and nicely says to the people to fuck off 😇

when he gets back in the car you can clearly see he’s pissed, jaw tightened and vein almost popping out

so you hold his hand to calm him down and he immediately comes back to reality; asking if you’re fine and placing soft kisses on your face

makes a long ass paragraph on weverse, talks about it on lives AND to the managers to prevent such incidents from happening in the future

king shit fr

┆彡 HUENING KAI [ 휴닝카이 ]

kai :(((

he’s so frustrated that your quality time got interrupted

instantly checks up on you, laser focused and looking for any kinds of discomfort

throws a hoodie over you, smooches your cheeks and interlocks fingers with yours as you get ready to go through the crowd :(

keeps an eye on you 24/7 but

but.

he won’t hesitate to slightly push someone if they get in the way

luckily there’s no need but just so you know he’s more than willing to in order to protecc you

once you’re in a car, he hugs you tightly and apologises even tho it’s not his fault :((

won’t let go of your hand until you arrive to the dorms actually

he’s hesitant if he should speak out about it, so first he asks taehyun for advice

and even if kai doesn’t publicly speak on it but takes action more on the private side (managers etc) …

taehyun will make sure to throw a jab or two on weverse

he’s like ur guard dog fr

also pls reassure kai you’re okay, he’ll worry about it and overthink it :(

masterlist <3

taglist.  @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinshua ,, @stxrseungs ,, @ka-ni-ma ,, @iliveforlixie ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @mark-geolli ,, @l3visbby ,, @w3bqrl ,, @ddeonudepressions ,, @yourfavoritefreakyhan ,, @mirxzii ,, @kazmura ,, @primoppang ,, @vnsux ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @nicholasluvbot

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

Gojo headcanons bc ive got too much time on my hands

bro ate chalk as a kid and ive got proof

look at his kid self for a sec, he’s got a grown out buzzcut and the blue eyed stare. thats a chalk eater

you can’t convince me he’s a good swimmer

he’s lanky and tall, bro gets swept away the min he is near the ocean. he’s built to be shark food, sorry luv

the cloth he wears to cover his eyes is raggedy as hell

let me explain. he wears it constantly both in and out of battle, he wears it in any weather, and let’s be real he’s so odd that he probs sleeps in it sometimes

this leads me to believe that even tho he almost never gets hurt during a fight the blood and grime gets all up in the cloth

no amount of Tide or even acid could get rid of the STENCH that mask holds

it smells like ten cans of bounce that ass. one whiff could, quite literally, kill an old man

he’s a chronic podcast listener

tried to become one of those skater kids, failed miserably. geto never let him live it down

i think he’d make a great partner but if you listen to Hozier he will cause a scene

basically what im saying is he’s jealous of Hozier

Gojo knows that no matter how strong he is he will NEVER compare to that man’s vocals/lyrics and what they do to you

que Gojo trying to sing your fav Hozier song(s) but he can’t match the pitch which sends you into cardiac arrest

other than that he’s a pretty good singer, could probs serenade you to sleep

you know how everyone has an irrational fear? yuh his is birds

you ever see him interact with one in a normal way?

you see a bird, he sees a sack of organs with hollow bones that sore through the sky and sometimes they can talk

he pisses his pants when he sees a macaw

he’s a rich bitch and it’s a problem. not cuz he’s an ass abt it but bc he spoils the hell out of the teens

we know he would buy Megumi anything in the world but Yuuji and Nobara get the same treatment

he saw Yuuji’s orphaned ass and immediately transferred HUNDREDS to Yuuji’s bank acc

ain’t no student of his gonna be broke, that’s for sure

probs carries around pics of Megumi from when the teen was a kid

some are cute such as Megumi at the beach or having a fun at the zoo. others are of Megumi fighting for his life

i feel that when Yuuji entered the equation he also started taking pics of him during cute, fun, or important moments

very much sentimental older brother energy

whenever Gojo gets sick or injured he either becomes a massive baby or denies it until he’s dead

depends on the problem tbh. if he’s got a head cold he needs to be hospitalized but if he got his legs cut off he’d ignore it for weeks

you know how most men’s body wash or shampoo is named in, what’s considered, “masculine scents”

like redwood, campfire smoke, whiskey, fucking piss water

yuh he’s not a fan

i don’t think he’d really like those scents. in his mind, why does smelling like burnt coal or salt = masculine?

he probs just grabs whatever he likes, maybe orange scented stuff or even subtle vanilla

whatever cologne he wears tho is fucking delicious. you smell it and immediately your knees give out

i think if you gave him a huff of old spice tho he’d just disintegrate

im thinking of his general hygiene now, he has a solid routine

it’s not a million steps, probs just good quality face wash, serums, and moisturizer

that being said he suffered horrific back acne as a kid. dont ask how I know this, i will eat you alive

he looks and acts flawless but we know the truth. he sucks at card games

Yuuji’s biggest flex is he beat Gojo at go-fish 28 times in a row

he says calabunga and not a single person can stand it

that’s it for now, i’ll probs add more headcanons later

thanks for coming to my ted talk, i hope this post finds you before Sukuna does

(this is all mildly unedited, soz for mistakes)

[thranduilsperkybutt]

requirements.txt=unsatisfied

Pic source: 1

Pairings: Johnny Silverhand/V!Reader; Exceedingly minor Goro Takemura/V!Reader alluded to Warnings: Endgame spoilers; Arasaka!ending; I take liberties with the ending (everyone lives AU); yearning; fighting; nsfw banter (no actual explicit behaviors); angst with a happy ending; mentions of canon-typical drug use and violence Word Count: 9,936 words Reader Gender: Female Author: Meg Summary: Johnny always wants a lot of things--- a smoke, a good fuck, for you to turn the radio to 107.3 instead of that new age crap you like. In a perfect world, he'd like to have his own body back, too, but this isn't a perfect world. This is Night City, and he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to forgive you for going and doing this. Turns out that being in love requires being unsatisfied. A/N: Look. I finally finished playing the game as corpo!V and I will not live with these endings, alright? I'm gonna make my own.

“Think they make shitty motels like this just for screw-ups like us?”

You make a point to continue staring at the ceiling of the ‘shitty motel’ room, deep breathing the mildew and age-old cigarettes. He isn’t wrong, but you don’t want to hear it right now. He always has a way with words. Wiping your hands down your face, you do your best to ignore him, but Johnny wasn’t the most dismissible parasite you’ve ever had.

“’Parasite’s’ talkin’ to you, fuck-up,” he flicks his cigarette butt at you in retaliation for the thoughts in your head and it glitches through your thigh with a fuzzy tickle in your neurons. “Do ya’ really think Arasaka is gonna’ just let you waltz away after grabbin’ that stuck-up bitch princess of theirs? You’re fucked.”

“Was fucked before that, Johnny--- royally, if you’ll remember,” you groan, and turn away from him. He appears on the other side of the bed, leaning over it to glare at you. “Got you to show for it, after all.”

“Why are you so chill about this? Takemura fucked you both by deciding to take a life-sized souvenir from your trip to Cherry Town---"

“Cherry Blossom Market---” he barely acknowledges your interruption; you doubt he cares about the situation past hearing himself talk either way.

“--- and you’re just gonna’ do what? Sit here like a ditched date, waitin’ by the phone for that ‘Saka scum to call?”

“Johnny,” you push yourself up into a sitting position, headache threatening a presence at the back of your skull. The edges of his shoulders have that glitchy quality you’ve come to know follows his movements at times when he crosses his arms, but his glare is clear as ever.

“What? Don’t like me callin’ him that?” he rolls his eyes as he certainly feels your annoyance spike, “Jeez, didn’t think you could ride ‘Saka’s dick any harder, but if you literally want to---”

“What crawled up your holographic ass and died tonight?” you bark back, and the glint behind his eyes tells you that this is what he wanted all along. A fight, interaction, anything other than you just melting into the stained mattress of this motel room while the fan drones overhead in excruciating monotony. Johnny’s at his worst when he’s bored or cornered, you’ve found.

“I don’t know, V, maybe the fact that while I’m livin’ in your head, I’ve gotta’ listen to all your disgusting little thoughts about that Grade-A asshole? I’ve never had a dry spell that’d make me wanna’ sleep with a corpo drone, but maybe old habits die hard for you, huh?” You try to ignore his jab at your corporate background, but you know he just can’t help himself, “At this rate, alert a joytoy pronto, because I think I’ll throw up if I gotta’ watch you eyefuck your ronin anym---"

“You’re so fucking annoying sometimes, Johnny, you know that?” you rub your temples, trying to bite back the heat in your cheeks. No telling if it was from embarrassment at his inevitable acknowledgement of your major-league crush on Goro, or an oncoming stroke. At this point you are wishing for the stroke.

“You say that, but you’re not havin’ to watch how pathetic you look waitin’ on Takemura to call. Shit, even that cop you turned down would be better than this guy.”

Rising to your knees, you point a finger directly against his chest, feeling the fuzzy presence of your fried synapses mistaking him for something real at your fingertips, “Know what? Maybe I will fuck Goro the next time I see him, just to screw with you. Maybe I’ll finally get some peace and quiet when you slink back to God-knows-where to hide in my head while I lay back and take it from the big, bad, ‘Saka scum.’”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he growls down at you, the fire in his eyes flickering from your own to your lips and back again. “If you wanted me gone, you’d’ve taken those omega blockers by now.”

“Don’t tempt me. I’d take a half-dose of pseudoendotrizine just so I could kick your ass, if it wouldn’t mean kicking mine, too.”

“Now, there’s a thought,” he reaches out, pushing you back by a phantom grip on your shoulder. Your body flings itself onto the mattress without a thought, “But I don’t need a pill to kick your ass, remember?”

“Asshole,” you grumble defeatedly, but his anger seems to dissipate, if only a little.

“Bitch,” he chuckles, and it’s a short sound of disbelief. “Don’t pout like a damn kid.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re kind of mean, Silverhand?” you look down to where he still stood beside--- no, knelt onto, now--- the bed. His lips are quirked into a slight smile, one brow raised like he doesn’t quite understand just why all your annoyance has seemed to sink away into the dingy carpet and rotting walls of this place. Maybe it’s the exhaustion settling into your bones?

Or perhaps it’s the uneasy feeling in your gut when he looks at you. Despite the mountain of resentment your soul screams that you have every right to have at him for stealing your life away from you with every waking second, you can’t seem to bring yourself to hate him.

He clicks his teeth thoughtfully, dipping his weight onto the knee he has on the bed, but it doesn’t creak under his weight or acknowledge his presence, “It may have come up, once or twice.”

He isn’t really here, the soft static framing his hard edges reminds you.

“Why, then?” Why does he keep falling into the same pattern? Why does he treat you like this? Why does he look at you like that afterwards?

You don’t ask any of those questions, but you don’t have to. He’s in your head, after all--- but you think he’d be able to figure them out even if he didn’t have a front-row seat to your every thought. You still aren’t sure how much of your consciousness he is privy to, but you know it’s enough for him to know more about you than any other person ever has.

At this point, he might know your mind better than you do.

You wish you could read his half as well.

“Maybe I just don’t like watchin’ you run head-first into what’s bound to be another shit-show’s all, choom,” he deflects, but his eyes don’t turn from your gaze. There’s something guarded in them, sure, but they soften all the same.

You sit on his bullshit explanation for a few seconds, tasting the thought on your tongue, “Is that what we are, Johnny? Chooms?” It’s an unsatisfactory descriptor, but you don’t know if there’s a word in the English language that can accurately describe what you are to each other.

“I don’t know, V. Are we?”

Before you can even think of an answer, the sound of your holo ringing breaks through your ears and Goro’s image appears in your optics.

Johnny huffs and just like that, any softness in his gaze disintegrates with a roll of his eyes, “Go on--- know you’re giddy as a schoolgirl to answer that.”

“Fuck you, Johnny,” you grumble, before picking up the line and watching him straighten up off the bed before disappearing from your gaze in a static glitch. “Goro---”

“V, meet me, quickly as you can. I’m sending the coordinates.”

---

Your fingers run over the markings of Johnny’s initials you’d just carved against the metal. It’s jagged, raw, and as good a headstone as he was ever going to get, given you’d probably never find where his body had been truly laid to rest. In a city like Night City, after so many years? He’s lucky enough that Arasaka had dumped his body at all, instead of incinerating it like most folks these days.

“There, how’s that for a marker?”

Johnny leans back from where he’d been moping and gestures to your makeshift headstone, “Say this was my real grave, what would you write? ‘Here lies Johnny Silverhand…’”

The words roll around your head in tandem with the pit of dread in your stomach. It didn’t feel right talking to him like he was dead, even though the rational part of your mind knew it was true. The real Johnny Silverhand died more than fifty years ago, and you were left talking to a ghost--- a copy that seemed close enough to the real deal, but you never would be able to know if he was a good one. More recently, though, he’s started to seem just as real as the ground you walk on and, while you know that’s something to be deeply worried about, you can’t help but have come to enjoy his company.

When he’s not being an asshole, that is.

For better or worse, he was, “The guy who saved my life.” You’d been through so much--- everything--- together. It hadn’t been intentional on his part; he’s only a piece of broken prototype tech going haywire in your head, but it was still true. He’s saved you in more ways than one, lately.

The words sink into him, dragging his shoulders down like the same ache you feel in your soul. His eyes meet yours beneath his sunglasses, holding you in a regret so deep that you think it will swallow you both with the knowledge that he’ll be the death of you.

Johnny reaches up, metal fingertips clicking on his shades in a way that’s so honest in your ears that it’s difficult to remember it’s just another one of your disconnected mind’s lies anymore, “You don’t know how much I want that to be true.” He pulls the barrier from his face to dangle between his knees as his free hand wipes at the perpetual dirt on his skin, “Listen, I realize I’ve fucked up a lot of things. Either let down or used every last person who gave me their trust--- blind, selfish bastard that I was--- but I’ve managed one thing, for now. Not to fuck this up. What we have.”

Johnny’s always wanted a lot of things--- a smoke, a good fuck, for you to turn the radio to 107.3 instead of that new age crap you like. He's rather demanding, day in, day out.

You've been privy to his every request as it flits through your shared head for long enough that he’s come to annoy you nearly as much as he's grown on you. He’s like moss overtaking a stone, so slow that you don’t realize it until he’s covered all of you. He’s changing you into something neither of you can quite recognize anymore, and as the days pass, you worry you’ll never be able to wash him away and return to the person you were before him.

Worse, you don’t know if you will want to.

“What do we have, Johnny?” you sigh, looking up at the light-polluted sky. You weren’t far enough out of town to see stars, just the dim void and flickering city lights reflected on the clouds above. Maybe if you were at camp with the Aldecados, you’d spot a star among the dusky sky. Maybe life would seem simpler, easier, “I don’t know what you want from me.” All you know for sure is that you were growing so tired of the fight. There’s this hurt in your chest; you can’t tell if it’s yours or his. Maybe it’s something you share. Maybe this is what he means.

Or something close to it, “Most of who I thought were my friends, well, it turns out they couldn’t hardly stand to be in the same room with me. But you?”  You hear him pause, but you don’t dare to look at him. There’s a stammer in your chest, and you’re terrified at what it means, “You’re forced to be right fuckin’ here, twenty-four-seven, and you don’t seem to hate my living guts.”

This silence is something you can only achieve on the outskirts of the city, but you know it would be worse if you were further away. It’s almost excruciating, being alone with your thoughts--- being alone with his.

“There a point in there?” your heart aches for him, and you know he can feel it. It’s more than pity, more than friendship, but you try your hardest not to think of what it could possibly mean--- let alone, say it.

He knows, though. Of course he does. He has to.

“Just that… I think you’re my first real choom, even though you’re a real bitch sometimes.”

Your head lulls forward, and it takes all your strength to muster a glare at the pained smile dancing at his lips. There’s more to it than that, you both know it, but you’re grateful that he’s feeling somewhat merciful tonight--- it was something you didn’t know he had in him.

Maybe it’s only something he has in him when it comes to you.

“Chooms, huh?” tilting your head, you pretend to mull it over like it’s a proposition of eddies from a fixer. Playing it off with a shrug, you concede, “I could get used to being Johnny Silverhand’s choom, I guess, even though he was a total dick at first.”

“As if you didn’t deserve it,” Johnny smirks.

“Uh, remind me again, who’s been whining about missing his smokes since day one?” it’s a half-hearted blow, and his widening grin shows it. “Better yet, beggin’ me to get my rocks off?”

“My own personal hell is being stuck inside a non-smoker, and it doesn’t help that you’re practically a nun,” you toss a rock at him for that, and it goes straight through his chest like he isn’t even there. He isn’t, but he grins at you anyways, “Still… who’d’ve thought we’d make it this far?”

You sit there for a beat, feeling your own smile turn at your lips, before sighing, “You know, if you really want a marker, we could get you one at the columbarium.”

“For what, an empty box?” shaking his head, he puts his shades back on to perch atop his nose.

“Please, I have more of your stuff than even your most devoted fanboys. I don’t need it all. We could, I don’t know, ‘retire’ something of yours there. You know, as a symbol,” his gaze weighs heavy on you, and you can’t for the life of you understand what’s going through his mind. It frustrates you nearly as much as his stare seems to, and you shift your gaze back to the sky in your attempt to escape his holographic scrutiny.

“Let me guess, you’ll bring me flowers every day?” it surprises you that his tone isn’t mocking, but rather curious. “Would you visit his grave?” he seems to ask.

Trying to lighten the mood, you tease, “You know me, too busy trying not to die for all that.” You look back to him with a wink, “Plus, preem flowers are expensive these days, choom. ‘Fraid you’ll have to settle for the synth ones. Besides, you seem like a cheap date to me.”

“Bitch.”

“Just say, ‘Thank you.’”

It’s as close as either of you will come to what you really want to say.

---

From the roof of Misty’s building, it’s almost as if the troubles of the city no longer exist. You think you understand why Jackie found his choice up here. It seems as good a place as any to choose between life and death.

You would have to come to yours, too, soon. Maybe you already have, and you just don’t want to admit it.

The thought dwells in your head, and it feels like the only choice that makes sense.

“You’re not considering that. Please, tell me you’re not seriously considering going to those bastards again for help,” Johnny’s voice tears you from your dreadful stare over the neon Night City advertisements staring back at you. Promising everything from NiCola to the market version of the prototype Relic crammed in your head. “You’re trying to make sense of something that makes zero damn sense!”

You think he might wind up hating you forever, for this.

“Takemura said---” you begin, but he cuts you off as he stands from his spot on the ledge overlooking the city and takes up pacing.

“Fuck that guy!” Johnny rounds on you, fiery as ever--- but there’s something more terrible in his eyes; a grief that only comes from knowing he won’t be able to change your mind. “You’re just takin’ the easy way out! Those ‘Saka bastards won’t stay true to their word, you know. All they do is lie, and they’ll keep lying to you so long as it gets them what they want from you. You can’t really believe they’ll help you or me!”

The truth is, you’re too tired and you don’t know what’s worse: the taste of blood on your tongue, or the look of disappointment in his eyes.

You should be at least used to the blood by now.

“I’m dying, Johnny. Hanako is the only person who can maybe help us. Name someone else. Anyone! They made this tech---”

“They’re only gonna’ hurt you. We can do this a different way,” he stops pacing to stand so close that you can swear his boots touch yours. It’s as if you could feel the heat radiating off him, but that may just be the fever settling deathly into your skin, “Hell, give me the keys and I’ll get us to Mikoshi. I’ll burn this whole fuckin’ city to the ground to get you there and I’ll throw the pieces of you back together myself! I’ll gladly die trying---”

“But I don’t want you to die, either,” you fight back the tears at the thought of it, and he huffs down at you in utter exasperation, “can’t you get that?”

“Think they’ll do any better by me at Arasaka?” his chuckle is humorless, coming strained from the back of his throat. “You don’t believe that.”

“I can cut us a deal…” you look down, away from him, blinking out beyond where he stands towards the city lights. You don’t want to fight with him right now. You don’t think you can.

“With what leverage? Deals are only good so long as you have the upper hand, V,” he kneels into your eyeline, reaching out to grasp your chin in two silver fingers and turning you to face him fully. It’s gotten to the point that his hands on your skin feel akin to something real, dulled synapses firing with every spark of his hands on your skin. It’s how you know you’re close to the end. “Who is gonna’ be in your corner after they get everything they want?”

“Goro’s a man of his word.”

“You’re so fuckin’ naïve. Just as dumb as you were when you took that bullet to the brain from Dex, and I had to save your ass then, too,” Johnny growls your name like he hates you for it, but who knew how much you would come to welcome the end? Because when he frustratedly drags you forward by a harsh grip at the back of your head to eclipse his lips over yours, you can feel it. Him. In the burnt neurons of your addled mind, he is there against you--- kissing you with death on the edges of his lips, in all the heavy grief and anger that your choice has brought forth in him. It’s a terrible knowledge that pours from you into him of how much you’ve come to love him, and how desperately you know he’ll hate you for this, because maybe he’s right; maybe you really are naïve for wanting to believe in some way out of this.

He gasps against your lips like it wrecks him to the core; voice hoarse with the emotion as he curses, “Damn, you’re one stubborn bitch.”

“Inherited only your best traits, Johnny,” it’s just as dry on your tongue, and you lift your hand that has been clutching the omega blockers to your lips. You want to say it--- tell him in words how much you care for him. Instead, you murmur against his lips, “Please, don’t be mad,” and swallow the pills.

“I got a feeling you’re gonna’ regret this, choom, and I won’t be there to help you,” he leans away, and you feel the drugs start to kick in when his voice becomes more distant. “Don’t do this. Miracles like the one you’re hopin’ for don’t happen for screw-ups like us, you know.”

“Trust me.”

“I wish I didn’t trust you at all,” he sounds just as tired as you do when he says your name one last time before you blink and he’s gone. The bitter aftertaste of the pills tastes like betrayal on your tongue, and you already know Johnny will haunt you for the rest of your days.

You’re quickly reminded of why you’ve always hated taking the omega blockers.

It takes everything you have left not to sob at the feeling, like you’ve lost a limb--- gone numb and tingling painfully with the ghost of where he was. It’s as if everything is muted, including the deepest parts of yourself. You’re in a bad way, and you know you don’t have much longer now.

So, you find yourself committing to the desperate choice you’ve made, but you don’t call Hanako.

Instead, you call the only corpo you trust besides yourself, and hope it isn’t stupid to do so.

Takemura.

---

He is dressed in all white when he comes to find you at Misty’s Esoterica, looking like a harbinger of death in every sense of the word, “You… look like shit.”

“Don’t look half bad yourself, Goro,” you chuckle, but it turns into a wracking cough that leaves you with a more urgent taste of blood at your lips.

“Are you in any shape to negotiate?” he wonders, but it’s not threatening--- more of a genuine concern displayed with the arch of his brow. Johnny may disagree with you, but you still dare to think him a good man.

“Not in much shape to do anything, anymore, but I know exactly what I’m useful for. My eddies are on Hanako knowing this, too,” you lean on the arm he offers when you stumble on your way to the car. “After all, she sent you. Smart woman.”

“I would have come even had she not,” Goro confesses, pausing with his metal-laced fingertips on the back door. When you shoot him a questioning look, he offers you only a simple, “We have done much work to not see this through to the end, yes?”

“Who’d’ve thought we’d make it this far?”

Goro nods in agreement, before you’re sliding into the car behind Anders Hellman and hoping the Swede knows half of what he thinks he does about your condition, “Agreed.”

---

There’s something to be said for dying. It’s not always as bad as people make it out to be.

Some people would consider you dead. You always find yourself wondering what Johnny would think, these days.

You absentmindedly turn the Rubik’s cube in your hand with no real aim at solving it, letting your mind drift in the overly sterile room Arasaka’s finest clinicians have sequestered you to.

“Barbaric,” Goro called it once, but that didn’t stop them from putting you right back here again. The news plays softly on the screen you’ve been allowed to have after they determined it wouldn’t exacerbate your oversensitivity, but not even the privilege of phoning what few friends you have left can eat away at the boredom that’s settled into your bones in this space station. What was there to say, anyway?

Hi, it’s your favorite lab rat again! How’s it going in the real world? I’m going insane up here!

You can’t help but dwell on the thought that maybe Johnny was right about it all. Maybe it isn’t worth living if life is going to be like this.

Arasaka made no guarantees past what you had signed for on the dotted line the day Hanako had again sent Goro solely to break the news that your body was dying even after Johnny’s Relic had been extracted from your mind. It would seem the soft spot you’d held for Goro was well known by the Arasaka heiress. The woman is nothing if not strategic.

Hell, you’d gotten yourself a worse deal that day than you’d gotten for Johnny at the start of this. After all, you’d had nothing left to bargain with by then.

You were technically a construct, now. A lab experiment dreamed up by Arasaka’s best bioengineers and a team of physicians lead by Anders Hellman. Your current body was a multi-billion eurodollar joint Arasaka-Biotechnica venture that had only been put at the top of Hanako’s list when implanting her father’s construct into Yorinobu had gone awry. You’re convinced she would have been content to let you rot on a biochip in Mikoshi for the rest of your existence otherwise. After all, your contract never said when they had to provide you with a body, only that they were obligated to when the technology existed to allow it.

Turns out, rewriting someone else’s psyche does more damage to the physical body than anyone in Arasaka thought it would. You don’t know why it was such a surprise to them all when Yorinobu’s body couldn’t handle it, considering what it did to you. Maybe they just didn’t care, with how desperate they’d been to get any semblance of leadership back.

All you know is that Johnny Silverhand probably rolled over laughing in his grave, wherever it is, when Saburo Arasaka died a second, painful death.

They were using you as a top-secret prototype for Saburo 2.0, as you’ve come to call what will inevitably be the body they attempt to stick him in next. Sure, Arasaka as a company is facing charges in the New United States on Yorinobu’s death--- something about human testing that everyone knows will never stick--- but that will be swept under the rug much like any bad press Arasaka has gotten over this past year, with either cash or bullets dispensed.

“Shit,” you curse as you grow frustrated with the cube, tossing it onto the thin hospital mattress they kept on your bed. Rubbing your eyes as you try to refocus, it still feels strange to not feel the metal embedded in your skin. Worse still, you had to get used to what a fully ‘ganic body felt like again.

“You even human anymore, with all that chrome?” you can almost hear Johnny’s words to you when you got a new set of mantis blades from Vik’s clinic right before heading out for the oncoming fight at Clouds with the Tiger Claws. It was so long ago, now, but it doesn’t feel like it. That’s what Mikoshi does to a person, you figure. It’s hard to fully comprehend that so much time has passed.

Sometimes, you think you do hear him in more than just a memory. Like he’s still there, in your head. The doctors say it will pass with time, but they’ve been wrong before. Safe to say, Johnny literally changed your brain chemistry.

At least some part of you hopes they’re wrong, because you don’t know how you’ll make it in this world without him if Arasaka doesn’t stay true to their word.

It’s like you’ve lost a part of yourself, and you regret it more every day that you’re forced to live in this white box of a test tube that they’ve put you in. You should have died with him at Mikoshi. Gone out in a fiery blaze of glory and torn it all down with you, if only it would’ve made you feel a little better right before the end.

His last words to you had been as you went under the knife, right before they carefully excised him from your brain like a tumor.

“If this plan doesn’t work, Johnny--- If you wind up being right about Arasaka---” you had called to him through the code, as it weaved and curled around his form. It created and destroyed him all at the same time, but Johnny’s frown was still clear as day to you.

“I’m right about Arasaka,” he sounded nearly as exhausted as you had been on that roof the last time you’d talked. Defeated was something you’d never expected to see on him, “See? You haven’t changed at all. Still think you can outsmart the whole world, when you’re really just out of your depth.”

You didn’t want to think of this as a betrayal, but that’s what it was starting to feel like as you marinate in his sadness, “Look… I just want us to part as friends, for now. Just in case I don’t get to see you again after this, I wanted to tell you goodbye as proper friends.”

“Not sure that’s possible, anymore,” cut you to your core.

You wanted to reach for him, through the flickering code, but you didn’t dare. Heartbreak tastes a lot like blood on your tongue, even here.

“That’s what we are, aren’t we?”

“I don’t know, V. I just… don’t know.”

It was all you could remember of the interaction, though you’re certain there had to be more than that. Sometimes, when you dream instead of sleep, bits and pieces of it come back to you. That’s what you think it is, at least.

It’s far too real to be any normal nightmare.

It sounded too familiar when he said things like, “I just wish you’d stayed loyal to yourself,” or, “Those ‘Saka docs are cutting out a piece of us. Something we’ll never get back. It’ll leave a hole,” in those horrible dreams where memory emerges from the subconscious.

Perhaps this is just what you deserve. Your penance. The price you’ve got to pay for your choices, and the deal you made with the devil.

After all, nothing in Night City is ever free.

Multiple lifetimes of suffering, of being forced to go on without him? It’s almost poetic, in a Shakespearean tragedy sort of way. If this body fails, Arasaka will just test your construct in a new one until they get it right.

You’re company property and the Biotechnica cloning program is only in its infancy. Anders Hellman had told you as much himself when you’d asked.

“You’re one of the first successful cases, so far,” was, specifically, what he’d told you. It wasn’t much; Arasaka clearly wanted you in the dark.

You’d already proved too much trouble when left to your own devices, historically.

Have they brought you back before? How many bodies did you live and die in before this one? They could’ve wiped your memory of it, or maybe cut your engram into a million different pieces until something fit. You would never know the truth of what’s been done to you, most likely.

The door to your room slides open with a whirring noise, breaking you from your thoughts when the same scientist who you’ve come to understand is one of your daily handlers walks in, “It’s time for your daily tests.”

You try to not let the sarcasm drip from your tongue, but you’ve been failing at a lot of things these days.

“Always a pleasure to see you, too, Suki.”

You are dead, and this is just purgatory.

---

They eventually shipped you back to earth, “in accordance with the great progress you’ve displayed over these past few months,” as Anders had told it.

Earth was exhausting. Even though the Arasaka lab they had put you in had all the comforts of home, save for the overly-clinical aesthetics, it still took weeks for your body to become accustomed to its own weight. It was only then that you realized the space station’s simulated gravity was slightly less than that on earth, to allow for less pressure on your new joints and bones as your mind settled in. It’s perhaps why you had been able to relearn walking in the first place, because on earth you were much clumsier than you remember ever having been before.

There were bruises on your legs from the amount of times you’d tripped down or stumbled into something. You’re surprised they hadn’t yet put you in a padded room, but you must’ve been making progress, because eventually they sent a familiar face to see you again.

“おはようございます,” without translators installed into your body’s cyberware, the words that fall from Goro’s lips as he offers a slight bow take a moment for you to mentally decipher.

You don’t rightly care, because you’ve not seen a familiar face other than Anders since waking up in this body. Let alone, anything close to a friend.

He stiffens and freezes when you step forward to drag him into your arms, holding him in a tight embrace that almost has you melting against him with how much of a relief it felt to feel another person. It’s too forward, and you’d never have done it under normal circumstances---

But you’re so relieved to see him.

“You have no idea how good it is to see you,” you murmur as you release him, catching the slight tinge of a flush at his cheeks. He straightens his shirt, donned in black from head to toe. His hair isn’t pulled back, for once; it’s a little longer than when you had seen him last, “You look great, Goro.”

He seems to relax slightly at the familiar words, as if he hadn’t been quite sure what to expect of you at first. You watch as he takes you in, optics dilating as his settings switch with the distance you put between you again. It makes you slightly self-conscious under his scrutiny.

You know you look different. Sure, the core basics of yourself are the same, but you’re slimmer than you were before in this cloned body. Your cyberware is gone, as are the scars from a lifetime of mercenary work. Any tattoos you had were no longer etched into your skin, including Johnny’s. Then, there’s that new Arasaka logo brandished behind your ear that matched his own. The only good thing about your new appearance was that your hair had finally grown long enough to cover the logo when you left it down.

“You look like shit,” he cracks a smile after a second, “but it is good to see you, too.”

“What are you doing here?” you wonder as he walks further into your designated quarters, hands clasped behind his back, “Don’t tell me you get to tell a girl she’s dying twice.” He observes the room not unlike he did when he’d visited you on the space station, though seems less displeased with your living situation this time.

He doesn’t say, ��barbaric,” at least.

It’s your words that earn his chastising side-eye, this time, “You should not joke. I do not want to do that again.”

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense,” the prodding does nothing to urge an explanation from him as he moves towards the desk on the other side of the room. The metal on his fingertips glints with sunlight as he moves the papers lying there--- some of the most recent status reports you’ve been given on your performance in Arasaka’s testing. A lot of it was redacted, but you were given just enough to know you weren’t dying currently.

That, they seemed to be taking as a win.

“How are you feeling?” he asks as his optics dart back and forth on the papers, reading them quickly. Surely, he’s had a briefing before he’d been sent to see you. Maybe he just doesn’t trust it was a full picture, or he wants to know what parts of it you know.

Settling into the couch, you reach for the tin of mints you’ve been hoarding recently. Popping one into your mouth, you turn it around as the fresh flavor bursts through your skin, scent sparking in your nostrils.

“Playing doctor now, Goro?” that gets him to look up from the papers to shoot you an unamused look that said just answer the question. You sigh, nail tapping the tin as you take a moment to get his answer, “Well, I’m tired and sore all the time from the physical therapy, and hypersensitive to almost fuck all. Oh, and they still won’t let me get any chrome installed--- even the minor stuff like optics.” You sigh, and the minty feeling tingles on your tongue, “Do you know how much deliberating it took for the white-coats to finally decide I was ready for an operating system update?”

“And the nightmares?” Goro turns away from the desk to instead lean on it, crossing his arms as he looks towards you. So, he had a more thorough briefing on your status than you expected.

You avert your eyes. It was bad enough having to talk to the mandated shrink about them. You really didn’t want to get into what plagued your mind with Goro.

“They’re nothing. It’s the physical symptoms that Arasaka cares about. That’s what’ll get Saburo a new body or not, right?”

He doesn’t let you off the hook that easily, “Arasaka has underestimated the impact of the mind on the body once already, at great cost. I do not think your mental state is considered ‘minor’ to your doctors and scientists, V.” After a moment’s pause, he confirms what you are thinking, “It is not considered something to be ignored by Arasaka’s board, either.”

“Is that what you’re here for?” you can’t help the irritation that seeps into your tone, “To give a first-hand report back to Hanako Arasaka and the board on my progress? Came to see the test subject for yourself instead of just reading the memo?”

“V…” his brow furrows, frown settling onto his lips as you turn your body away from him on the couch.

“Well, you’ve seen me! I trust you’ve gotten all the spicy details you need for your report on my mental status.”

“くそ,” he swears under his breath, as if exasperated with your antics. There is a stillness that comes with the silence between you after that, and you don’t dare turn to him. Instead, you focus on the tin in your hands and the mint in your mouth. Anything other than the pit in your stomach at the remembrance of the nightmares that plague you more nights than most.

There’s a shuffling of clothing and the sound of footsteps approaching as Goro comes to stand beside you, “You are… hypersensitive to words as well, it seems. Look at me, V.” You refuse to do it, and he sighs. In your peripheral, you can see him move to sit beside you on the couch, “Hanako-sama does expect me to relay your progress upon my return, but that is not the sole purpose for my visit.”

“Why’re you here, then?” it may be childish to still refuse to look at him, but you can’t bring yourself to. You feel as if nothing will be as it was before--- like even though you’ve fought terribly to return to normal, there would never be a moment when you felt like yourself again.

“You are being released.”

Your head snaps up to look at him when he says that, utter shock undoubtedly on your face. His own expression remains level, rock steady as he always seemed to be. You can see the truth of his words in his eyes; he has no reason to lie to you. You doubt Hanako would put him in a position to knowingly do so anyway.

“Released?” you breathe the word. You can’t quite believe the truth in his eyes.

“Hellman’s team has decided you have progressed as much as can be expected in a clinical setting. They think you are ready to return to a more ‘normal’ routine. I am here to tell Hanako-sama if I believe they are correct, based on what I know of you… who you were, already,” Goro holds up a hand, quelling the excitement he undoubtedly sees blossoming in your eyes. “This does not mean a return to what your routine was before. You cannot return to mercenary work.”

“So… I’m to live as a civilian, then?” you shift your whole body to face him, legs folded beneath you.

“In a sense… you will still be under Arasaka’s supervision, expected to meet every scheduled appointment and test. If you miss even one, you will be collected and returned here. There are other requirements, but I will leave those to be explained by your care team,” Goro watches as the news sinks in. He looks away, admitting, “I am maybe not the best to answer any questions you have about this.”

“Will I be staying in Tokyo?” is all you can think to ask, mind racing at the prospect of even a little freedom from this quarantine.

“At first, but I believe the goal is to reintroduce you to Night City should you continue to progress---” his words are choked off when you quickly grasp hold of his shoulders, pulling him into another hug. Just like before, he freezes, though this time he recovers enough to loosely hug you back.

“Thank you, Goro, for everything.”

---

The Corpo Plaza apartment didn’t feel like home, but it was closest to Arasaka tower and the Biotechnica building--- both of which you have to visit frequently. Well, at least it was less frequently than when you’d first been sent back to Night City, but it still wasn’t worth the constant drive from a different district.

Your fingers trace along the metal outlining your face as you glance at yourself in the mirror, having just finished a shower. The cyberware embedded in your cheeks is similar to what you had originally, though slightly different. You like it all the same, even if it had to be approved by Arasaka first. Every day you felt more like yourself, but you doubt you’ll ever be 100% you again. Too much has changed for this sense of newness to ever leave.

Even when you had reconnected with Victor, he looked at you like something uncanny. A dead woman walking. Misty could barely manage to look at you at all. Panam and the Aldecaldos had migrated; you were still waiting for her to return your call to figure out what they were up to these days. Judy was long gone, but getting out of Night City was maybe the best thing she could’ve done after everything.

Only Johnny’s old contacts seemed to remind you of who you were, and perhaps that’s because they’d never truly gotten to know you too well. Then, there was the feeling of loss that still gripped your soul. The ghost of Johnny Silverhand haunting your every thought and plaguing your dreams at night. You doubt you’ll ever be free of him. You hope he never fully fades from your psyche.

As much as it hurts, you still love him.

In hindsight, that’s probably the real reason why it would never work out between you and Goro. You’re still holding a torch for a dead man, and you’ll never be truly satisfied with anyone else.

In the end, Johnny has truly ruined you. Maybe it’s his last laugh: your complete inability to move on.

Your deal with Arasaka at the beginning had been for them to save him. To put him away into Mikoshi for the rainy day that the technology existed for a body suited for him to be a reality. The contract required them to release him into Night City after he had been deemed healthy, but you knew as well as anyone that contracts like these had loopholes even with the best lawyers pouring over them. Arasaka could truly do whatever they wanted with him once he was out of your head, other than destroying his engram.

When you had asked them the status on them holding up that end of your bargain, you had been met with cryptic answers. Hanako refused to meet with you, and you were in no shape without your combat cyberware to hunt her down yourself.

You’re terrified, honestly, at the idea of never seeing him again, nearly as much as you fear facing him.

Sighing, you step away from the mirror to move towards your bedroom while you towel-dry your hair as best you can. Tomorrow you were to report to Arasaka for your end-of-the-year testing and physical. Hellman would probably personally chastise you for the pizza you’ve ordered tonight. It was far from the approved meal plan, but it wasn’t as easy to find food that fit the diet and still tasted good outside of Japan. Finally, you understood Takemura’s issue with Night City’s synthfood.

Still, if one slice of pizza was going to kill you, you figure it’s a good enough way to go. Anything beats being an Arasaka pencil-pusher for the rest of your days.

“Night City Legend, Felled by PieZ,” the headlines would read, and it wouldn’t even mention the billions you’d cost Arasaka if you died.

Water drips down your jaw and you wipe it away with the towel before tossing it into the hamper. Scooping up an oversized sweatshirt that screamed support for the debut album of SAMURAI, it soaks up the few water droplets you’ve missed when drying and effectively covers the dog tags against your chest. Looking down at the hamper, you wish that Arasaka would sign off on you having a pet finally. Nibbles was doing fine at Victor’s, but you missed that furless cat.

The sound of your holo ringing is accompanied by Goro’s face flashing in your caller ID, and you pick up after a few moments, “Yo?”

“こんばんは,” Goro appears with his hair pulled up into a bun, and you could’ve been fooled that it was the old days if not for the few extra gray hairs he seemed to have now. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

“What? You worried I’ll disappoint?” you roll your eyes at his pointed look. “You know I’m doing great now, practically would be back to my old self if they’d ever let me get my combat cyberwear.”

“And you know that Arasaka has invested too much in you for you to involve yourself in a Night City street fight. Do not think they will approve all your requests tomorrow, V, regardless of your progress,” he speaks reasonably, and maybe that’s what grinds your gears the most. You know good and well that Arasaka has everything riding on you. If you successfully keep from pushing daisies they’ll move forward with Saburo’s resurrection. Hell, maybe they already were. For their one and only living test subject, you’ve been doing relatively well, if not a little hypersensitive at times still.

“Not every fight in Night City is one you pick. What if I need to defend myself, huh?”

“Do you feel in danger? Has something happened?” Goro’s voice has an edge to it, concern, and you shake your head.

“I’m just making a point. Most folks who die in this city are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. My combat chrome would give me an edge again. Call it an investment in keeping me alive,” you snort, and Goro’s lips quirk upwards at your dry humor.

“You can plead that to the panel tomorrow after you pass all their tests. I think you should… what is the phrase? Not get your hopes up?”

“Did you call me just to bum me out, Goro?” you sigh, moving through your kitchen to rummage through your fridge and find a NiCola.

“Only to discuss reality.”

“I think you’re just scared I’ll kick your ass with all my chrome one of these days for how sassy you are,” the sarcasm drips from your tongue, and this time Takemura does sound thoroughly amused.

“I would like to watch your attempt at that, but I think you will need to remove the pizza from your diet first, V,” then, he hangs up. Never one for drawn-out goodbyes. You think you prefer it that way.

“I could’ve kicked your ass while on an only-pizza diet, once,” you grumble to the apartment around you, taking a swig of the NiCola. The ring of the doorbell breaks you from the thoughts of just how you can get back at Goro for that comment, “Speaking of pizza…”

Barefoot, you stroll towards the door, hoping the delivery guy followed your instructions to leave your food at the door. You don’t want to deal with awkward small talk with another human right now. Not bothering to check the cams to see if your instructions have been followed, you let the door slide open with a swipe of your hand against the key screen.

The door is barely halfway open when a hand catches your throat and forces you back into the apartment, a body forcing you up against the entryway wall as you choke out a startled noise under a firm grip. Terror claws at your skin as you grab at the arm attached to the hand before you manage to get a good look at him when he stills against you, breathing hard. It takes a moment for wide eyes to take in enough of his features to recognize the dark eyes staring back at you.

“J---”

“You couldn’t help yourself from being corpo scum again, could you? Selfish, that’s what this whole thing was--- what you are,” his voice--- oh, fuck, his voice, it rings in your ears in a way it never has before. Deep, familiar, and real. Strained with anger and choked with a breathless fury, but something else breaks against the fire swirling in his eyes--- some relief that settles nearly as devastatingly in your bones as his skin lays heavy and warm against yours.

You can’t believe it. You must be hallucinating. You’ve finally cracked and lost it. Something was malfunctioning in your head, certainly, because there’s no way he’s here.

Your fingertips shake as they reach out, away from the firm grip he still has on your throat, to ghost against the slope of his jaw. The scruff of a beard still remained there, but was shorter than how he had lived in your head. The scars on his face were gone, along with the tattoos on what skin of his you can see beneath the leather jacket he wears. His left hand was at your throat, and it was made of flesh and bone, not metal.

He swats at your hand when you finally touch him, a hurt in his voice that was so real that you couldn’t trick yourself into believing he was just a hallucination, “Did you ever think about what I wanted, huh, when you chose this?”

But you still can’t get past the sight of him, finally managing, “Is… it really you?”

“Fuck yes, it’s me. What’s wrong with you?”

“Johnny,” you gasp his name, nails digging into his pristine forearm, tears nearly blinding you as they well in your eyes at the overwhelming emotion that surges from your chest. You can’t hold it together, trembling against him, and only then does his grip soften at your throat.

His voice sounds devastatingly mournful as he growls in the quiet of your apartment, “You sold us both to fuckin’ Arasaka, V. Look what they did to you. You’re their property. Doesn’t it make you sick? Some things are worse than death, and I doubt ‘Saka will ever leave us to it, now.”

You hear what he’s saying. It sounds just like him, and your heart breaks at the sound. At the warmth of him, and the way his dark hair ghosts around his cheeks slightly shorter than you remember it being before. He’s really here, and he hates you.

His voice cracks, “Why are you crying?”

“I-I missed you,” you confess between the sobs, trying to swallow up the emotion. Damning yourself for not holding it together better than this at the sight of him, but it was such a shock, and only one thing could run through your mind as dreadful regret sank into your soul, “a-and now you’re going to hate me forever.”

He looks at you like he’s stunned by the words coming from your mouth, or maybe he’s shocked it’s all you’re capable of saying when you’ve betrayed him as thoroughly as he perceives.

“Shit, V,” he murmurs, reaching up to drag his thumb against your cheek and wiping away the messy tears that trailed there. He looks down at you like he’s almost annoyed at you for crying, but there’s a strange look in his eyes that you can’t fully place. “I wish it was something as easy as hating you, but I just can’t seem to catch a fuckin’ break.”

The confusion at his words nearly stuns your tears into small hiccups as you breathe, “What?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hate you,” it sounds like dread on his tongue, like fear and grief for the situation you’ve both found yourselves in. It sounds like a confession, from his lips, “I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to me, either. I haven’t felt right without you since I woke up in this damn useless body. Feels like I should still be in yours.”

A breathless huff escapes you, almost akin to a laugh, as you realize what he’s trying to say, “You missed me, too, huh, rockerboy?”

“You’re the only thing about this damned city I missed,” he crowds you in, pressing you fully into the wall with his own body. “Not drugs, not alcohol, not music--- I came back here for you. Bein’ clean and having to put up with those ‘Saka corpo-drones has been the worst time of my life, by the way, but I did it because they said you were alive.” He looks at you, a hint of incredulousness in his eye, when he asks, “What the hell kind of a deal did you make with them?”

You’re terrified to tell him, but you can’t lie to him. Not after everything.

“I’m the reason Saburo Arasaka will live.”

Johnny curses, fury twisting his face, but the defeat is worse, “I should hate you. Fuck, why can’t I hate you?”

“I’m sorry---”

“Don’t lie to me,” he cuts you off, biting, “you’re not sorry. You don’t care if Saburo Arasaka lives or dies so long as we get to live.”

“Fine, you’re right,” anger flares in your own gut, exhausted annoyance lacing your tone, “but is that such a crime? I want to be okay again, Johnny! I want you to be okay, too!”

“And you’ll sell our souls for it?!”

“God, you’re such a dramatic asshole!” you nearly scream, slamming your eyes shut in your distress, “Go ahead and blame me for falling in love with a dead man, too, then! I should’ve known it would kill us both, but I couldn’t stop myself from loving you, Johnny! I wouldn’t have been able to go on knowing I’d left you to die, okay? That’s why I did this! Call me a selfish bitch if you want to; maybe you’re right---”

“Yeah? Well, I guess maybe I’m to blame for falling in love with a selfish bitch,” he growls, so close that his nose touches yours, and your eyes snap open just as he leans in to crash his lips against yours. It’s not wholly unlike the last kiss you shared with him, when he was just sparks on your neurons, and yet it’s entirely different.

There’s a taste to him now, but it’s not the cigarettes you had expected, but more akin to nicotine gum. Has he stopped smoking? He smells like leather and some sort of amber-scented cologne that has you weak in the knees.

But the way he kisses you is what nearly scrambles all coherent thought. He’s so warm and firm against you, the reality of his touch, tongue, and lips against yours desecrates the memory of the slight stimulation your neurons had simulated when he’d been in your head. Johnny seems to be in no better a state at the feeling of you against him, gasping into your mouth when your hands find his hair to drag him closer, and all the while all you can think is how happy you are that he is alive here and now.

It barely feels like it should be real.

He parts from you, catching his breath and staring at you with a look that sends heat rippling down your spine, flushing your skin in its wake.

You blink at him, head lulled back, and whisper through the feeling of having him back, like some piece of your soul coming home, “Fuck, I missed you, Johnny, so much.”

“You’re probably the only one, choom.”

“That’s not true. There’s Rogue, and Kerry---”

“They got their closure when I was hitchhiking in your skull. How can I just waltz back into their lives now?”

You tilt your head at him, “It can’t be that the Johnny Silverhand who was never afraid to die, is actually scared to live?”

He scoffs, leaning away from you with a roll of his eyes, “Is that the kinda’ psychobabble your ‘Saka shrink has been feeding you?”

“Could be,” you shrug, and a glint of the light at the metal around your neck catches his eye, “don’t mean it isn’t true.”

“What’s this?” he invades your space again, dragging a fingertip to loop at the chain at your neck, leading beneath your sweatshirt, and tugging it until the necklace drags into view. Dogtags clink in his hand and his eyes snap back up to yours in shock, “These--- you still have ‘em?”

Your cheeks heat with the find, and you don’t know why it’s so embarrassing even after you’ve told him that you’re in love with him. Of course you would’ve kept his dog tags. It only makes sense, but you want to defend it. The words crawl up your throat, and it takes all you have to swallow them down.

Instead, you reach up to begin to remove them, “You should probably have them back, now.”

Johnny’s hand catches yours, stilling it, “I… don’t know if I’m ready to step back into ‘em right now. ‘Sides, maybe I like the look of ‘em on you.”

You search his gaze, but he seems sure enough about the decision, “Alright. I’ll keep them, for now.”

“Good… It suits you,” a ring of the apartment door breaks you from whatever scrutiny weighed heavy in Johnny’s eyes. “The fuck is that?”

“My pizza this time, I hope,” you huff, pushing him back just enough to escape from between him and the wall. “I don’t know if I can take two of you showing up at my door tonight.”

Johnny trails after you, watching you open the door and pluck the pizza box from the ground where the delivery guy had left it as instructed, “Good news, there’s only one Johnny Silverhand.”

Turning towards him, you smirk, “Luckily.”

“Screw you.”

“You wish.”

[aneenasevla]

Red Velvet - Chapter 10 part 2

MasterList / Akane’s profile / Last chapter here

Chapter 10 - Thrift Store Wars (part 2)

Lihito sends the pic of him holding the prized red rug in the group chat. It didn't take long for the answers to come in, and they came in all degrees of confusion.

Gigolo_Master: 

dude what the hell is that??

GiantKiller: 

?????

What happened to your eye?!

EggHead: 

ffs should’ve known this would happen sooner or later

alright, where are you hiding the body? Need our help?

Kelpthullu: 

relax, he’s just happy he had a successful hunt 

it’s a rug

EggHead: 

huh

a rug??

looks like a monster right outta shadow of the colossus to me

why the hell do you want a rug??

Kelpthullu: 

he’s here at the bakery bragging his ass off

I don’t blame him though, he deserves it

I heard it was a brutal battle

with old ladies branding sledgehammers and everything

lots of kicks and blows too

GiantKiller: 

???¿¿¿

Wait, you’re serious?

You aren’t joking, Ohma?

What about that emoji? You forgot the emoji, man!

Kelpthullu: 

I’m serious

he’s got a black eye and everything

EggHead: 

yeah, awesome, but that doesn’t answer the question

WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED A RUG 😳😳😳

AND ONE THAT CAME STRAIGHT OUTTA SOME VINTAGE PORN

Gigolo_Master: 

Did you decide to abandon your pride and finally fuck someone on top of those?

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

calm yo ass down egghead

the rug isn’t mine

it’s Akane’s 

I got it for her 

😎

Kelpthullu: 

with means he got himself into an epic brawl to get it for her

I’m proud of this bastard for the first time in years

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

fuck you tokita

but yeah, I’m proud of myself too!

Gigolo_Master: 

wait

no, wait

I’ll need a better explanation 

Kelpthullu: 

(answering to @Mr_Iron_Fingers) you already fucked yourself enough for both of us 

was it any good? 😎😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

🖕

GiantKiller: 

Seriously, explain what happened, for god’s sake!

What’s up with the “old ladies with sledgehammers” part?

EggHead: 

I'm still waiting, but they completely ignored me

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

calm the fuck down

you have to explain this shit better tokita

I got the rug at a thrift store

remember how Akane wanted me to go shopping with her?

yeah, so

this fuzzy bastard was on sale for only 500 yen

500 FUCKING YEN

Gigolo_Master: 

500 yen???

holy shit they were almost giving it for free

EggHead: 

damn… where’s this store? I kinda wanna buy one now, it's so cheap 

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it’s in Shinjuku

it was one of those thrift stores only street

the perfect place for a quality brawl lmao

Kelpthullu: 

and then he faced some old ladies with sledgehammers

lots of people in a free-for-all brawl

all because of that rug

if I had heard about it, I would've jumped right into the middle

and it wouldn't even been for the rug 😎

Gigolo_Master:

oh a thrift store fight

classic

you went easy on the weaklings there, right?

you can kill one of them with a single bitch-slap

and now that I think of it, it's a good thing ohma wasn't there too

you two would’ve gone to jail for a few months

Kelpthullu: 

I wanted to face the sledgehammer ladies too… 😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

there was no sledgehammer lady, dude, just one with a heavy ass purse

but yeah I went easy on those bitches

just hit them with the rug a few times to get the point across

fuck’s sake

Gigolo_Master:

LMAOOOOOO

Fuck I wish I could’ve seen that 💀

GiantKiller:

Oh my god 😂

EggHead:

fuck why didn’t you record this shit?? 

next time we’ll go with you

Kelpthullu: 

I’m coming too 🙋‍♂️

I want a new sweater! 

EggHead:

no, guys, wait…

you aren’t addressing the elephant in the room

you went to a freakin thrift store

got yourself into a brawn for some cheap rug

almost got arrested (again)

all because of… Akane?

Kelpthullu:

and why do you think I’m proud of him?

he got a prized prey for his woman

I would do the same!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

DON’T GIVE ME THAT ‘MY WOMAN’ SHIT

she saw the rug, liked it and wanted to buy it

she couldn’t do it on her own cause of the freakin crowd on her way

they all wanted the fuckin rug, so I went there and got it for her

nothing more

GiantKiller:

and you were absolutely okay with taking a sledgehammer to the face for her

just like that

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it wasn’t a sledgehammer

it was a purse for fucks sake

GiantKiller:

HAH!

You didn’t deny it! 

You really were doing all this for her!

EggHead:

I refuse to believe he did that just to bang a chick HE ALREADY BANGED 

there’s a line and you ran over it with a fucking backhoe! 

and I'd also do the same for tomori, tokita, we're on the same team ❤️

hey @Gigolo_Master would you do the same for your lady friends?

I've never saw a more dedicated fuck-buddy LOL

Gigolo_Master:

hell no, they would get the wrong idea! 

LMAOOOOO

I’M CRYING

KANEDA YOU’RE A GENIUS 

you caught him red-handed 

🤣

GiantKiller:

Hey @Mr_Iron_Fingers are you answering us or nah?

You’ve been typing for ten minutes now

Kelpthullu: 

he's here at the bakery, and he's pissed

I almost choke on my food when he yelled at me

Cannibal is all confused

Gigolo_Master: 

OH SHIT

she’s there with him??

EggHead: 

man that’s one badass she-devil

dumbass didn’t even realized she folded him like a napkin 

I tip my cap to her, Tomori has some kickass friends, holy fuck 👏👏

Kelpthullu: 

go hunt a boar down and give it to her

she'll drag you to bed in no time

EggHead: 

holy shit tokita

this isn’t stone age

the fuck you’re talking about

Kelpthullu: 

I’m serious

it happened to me

GiantKiller: 

My goodness, Ohma

Himuro's right, you're getting quite scary

Gigolo_Master: 

told you so!

and answer us already @Mr_Iron_Fingers

we’re waiting!

I’m on my smoke break, so be quick 

Kelpthullu: 

he excused himself and went to the toilet

and come on, haven’t you ever eaten something on top of one of these carpets?

I like eating katsudon with Kana on top of one 😎

"Hey, Ichiro, aren't you going to answer them?," Ohma asks, outside the chat.

"Rihito, damn it! Uuh...," Rihito, who had jumped up from the table, hugging his phone to his chest with a furiously red face, turned to Akane. "Excuse me, I'll be right back..."

"Oh... okay...," She gives him space to get out of the chair, and goes to the counter. "Eh... I want some chocolate donuts."

"Alright!," Tomori says, smiling, while Rihito practically ran to the men's toilet, slipping into one of the only two cubicles and sitting on the toilet lid, huffing angrily. He takes several deep breaths, trying to control himself, trying not to let the jokes and insinuations affect him, throw him off balance, or make him unable to stop thinking about Akane's happy smile when he handed her the rug and how it left his heart beating like crazy…

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

man you guys are so fucking dumb

really

you should’ve figured out what my plans are by now

GiantKiller: 

And here we go again 🙄

Kelpthullu: 

what, did you buy it so you could eat katsudon on top of it? 😎

Gigolo_Master: 

I doubt it ohma

but alright rihito

I’ll pretend I believe in your intentions just this once, for the sake of argument

what are your plans?

Kelpthullu: 

I still think it’s related to katsudon

with hot cocoa on the side

on top of a fuzzy rug, in the middle of winter

sounds pretty nice 😎

EggHead: 

man stop

it’s cold as fuck and you’re making me hungry

Agito is in town and he loves katsudon 

I think I’ll invite him to go eat some

Kelpthullu: 

you should invite tomori instead, I think… 😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

man quit with the katsudon shit!

and I do wanna eat something on top of that rug

HER

it must be hella nice to have sex on top of that rug

it’s as soft as a peach

Gigolo_Master: 

… Rihito

my man

my pal

my panther slayer

stop

just stop

it’s getting embarrassing 

no one's buying it 

GiantKiller: 

Even Ohma’s making jokes now, man, just quit it

Hey, wait

WAIT

Katsu = breaded meat

Don = an impact sound

…

Oh my God, Ohma deceived us 

What an evil genius! 

Kelpthullu: 

you noticed it just now?

Gigolo_Master: 

FUCK

SON OF A BITCH

HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE IT BEFORE???

EggHead: 

EEEEEEEW 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

DUDE YOU MADE ME THINK OF AGITO

THAT’S FUCKING NASTY

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Kelpthullu: 

sorry, I know agito likes katsudon

but it was all your fault anyway 😎

EggHead: 

FUCK OFF TOKITA

I was gonna invite my bro to eat, all innocent and shit

now thinking about katsudon is making me sick, all because of you 

I’m gonna eat some noodles, SO DON’T JOKE ABOUT MY FOOD

Gigolo_Master: 

man, what a day we’re having

ohma making double entendre jokes

okubo questioning his own sexuality 

and rihito abandoning his casanova ways thanks to a she-devil 

this year started with a fucking bang! 

GiantKiller: 

I’m already crying 🤣🤣🤣

I can't even concentrate on my work!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

FUCK YOU GUYS

NO, REALLY

sometimes I don’t even know why I still talk to you

I already said I’m not like you!

I’m a man as free as a nerd

*herd

**BIRD

FFS

Gigolo_Master: 

LMAOOOOO I’M DYING 

I’M GONNA PISS IN MY PANTS

I’ll need to go change in the middle of my shift all because of this fucking chat

😂😂😂😂😂

Kelpthullu: 

better go now before your break ends

… damn, I want to eat katsudon now

I’ll ask kanami if she can make it for dinner 

no rugs this time 😎

GiantKiller: 

GUYS STOP

Everyone’s staring at me!

EggHead: 

dude you're FORBIDDEN from talking about katsudon on this chat

jesus titty fucking christ 

I can’t fucking unsee it now

you ruined the reputation of a good ol’ katsudon bowl for me

… but the rug thing is actually a good idea 

I’ll buy one for Tomori, I think she’ll like it

Kelpthullu: 

you gonna eat katsudon on top of… alright, alright, I’ll stop

I already had my fun

tell agito I said hi 

EggHead:

sure thing

"Hey Kanami, can we eat Katsudon for dinner tonight?," Ohma asks the baker.

"I think so, we have the ingredients," She smiles and raises an eyebrow. "Why? Are you craving it?"

"Yeah, kinda," he says with the most inexpressive face in the world.

Akane had no idea about ​​the uproar Ohma caused in the group chat because of a dish. And because of her rug.

Gigolo_Master: 

man this rug is the talk of the town now

rihito sure created a trend

watch out for the sledgehammer ladies okubo

EggHead:

nah, I’m not going to a thrift store

I’m smarter than that

I’m gonna order it online so I can choose a color she likes

Kelpthullu: 

are you running from a good fight now, okubo?

ichiro was braver than you

have some shame 

EggHead:

dude I’m a public figure

I can’t just start fights on thrift stores and get away with it

but I’m gonna ask first, Tomori doesn’t like expensive stuff 

Kelpthullu: 

boars are for free and you can find one on any forest nearby 👍🏼

and you can even eat it

10/10

EggHead:

I wanna hear that story some time

but in person, and with beer on the side

Gigolo_Master: 

and rihito said it was only 500 yen

what, you’re gonna buy it online only to pay more? Don’t be dumb

ask him the name of the store and order one from there

EggHead:

dude threw hands for 500 fucking yen

It isn't funnier only because he didn't pay for it

Ohma grimaces.

"Hey," He turned to Akane, who was still at the table waiting for Lihito. "Who paid for the rug? You or him?"

"Oh, it was him," She smiled. "It was so cute of him, wasn't it?"

"Cool. Thanks," he gives Akane a thumbs up. She just shrugged.

Kelpthullu: 

he actually paid for it

EggHead:

HE PAID FOR IT?!?!

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT MAN

HE WENT TO A THRIFT STORE

GOT HIMSELF INTO A BRAWL

ALMOST GOT K'ed O BY AN OLD LADY’S PURSE

GOT PUNCHED BY SOME LOSERS

GOT A BLACK EYE

ALL TO GRAB SOME PORN-ISH RUG

FOR A FUCK-BUDDY

AND HE PAID FOR IT ON TOP OF IT ALL

man you’re my fucking hero LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

you went the distance just to fuck a chick who’s pratically YOURS 

give him a round of applause everyone 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

GiantKiller: 

Goodness gracious

I’m all for respecting women, but this is on another level

I’m speechless

Well done, man, we love you 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Kelpthullu: 

a boar would be less trouble, you son of a bitch

I’m so proud of this idiot, damn 

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Gigolo_Master: 

WHAT

HE PAID FOKNQ21wjmhs76jm

462m

GiantKiller:

?????????

Himuro

Are you okay??

EggHead:

maybe he had a stroke

I’m almost having one myself

Gigolo_Master: 

THE FUCKING PHONE FELL FROM MY HAND

HOLY CRAP

I'm floored

and this motherfucker says okubo is a simp LMAOOOOO

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

EggHead:

as he said before

“the tall trees will be brought down” and shit

well, that tree fell to ground like a sack of brics LMAO

I feel so fucking vindicated! 

Kelpthullu: 

me too, he always gave me shit for that

well, he’s always saying he’s built like a bull

now he’s been tamed like one 😎

GiantKiller: 

What do you have to say in your defense @Mr_Iron_Fingers?

Rihito?

Gigolo_Master: 

HIS ICON WENT OFFLINE LOL

we fucking broke him

EggHead:

DUDE FUCKING RAGE QUITTED LMAOOOO

MAN THAT WAS FANTASTIC

I told you guys, I’ve never felt more vindicated in my life 🥰🥰

Kelpthullu: 

maybe he drowned in the toilet or something

he's been there for a while now

the Cannibal is still here waiting for him

Ohma looks at the toilet area, gets up and goes to the door.

"Hey, Ichiro, are you okay there?," He knocks on the wood.

"What happened, Ohma?," Kanami asks.

"We were talking on the group chat, but now he went silent…," His face was completely unfazed.

There is no response from inside the toilet. A full half minute passes in silence. And just when Ohma thought he would need to break down the door to make sure Rihito hadn't tried to flush himself away or something, it opens abruptly.

Rihito comes out, pale, staring at Ohma as if he doesn't recognize him. His green eyes seemed strangely glassy, ​​unfocused, as if his mind wasn't present with the rest of his body. 

Ohma raises an eyebrow, legitimately worried.

"Hey man, what's up?," He wasn't laughing or joking. "Seriously, you're worrying me here... you look sick."

"What's going on?," it's Akane's voice, getting closer, concern on her face. "Are you feeling ill, Rihito?"

She holds onto his arm, trying to reach him.

Her touch seems to finally awaken Rihito from his lethargic stage. His eyes come to life again as they look at her. He swallows hard, manages a weak smile and, when he speaks, his voice is more controlled than Ohma would have expected.

"I- no, no, I'm fine! It's just... I think the thrift store incident got into me more than I imagined," He snorts a little, touching his injured eye. "But don't worry, I'll be fine! I won't be knocked down by some losers, hahaha…"

"Do you want me to help you go home?," she asks, even more worried.

"I can help you both, if you want," Ohma offers. Despite what happened in the group chat, they were still friends. "I can call a cab…"

"No! I mean... there's no need, Tokita," Rihito assures, waving a hand. "Walking will do me good, I think I just need to get some air... and anyway, Akane, we agreed that I'll help you with the rug, right? I can move the couch so you can choose the best spot for it and such…"

"Yes, but not if you're not feeling good," She was really worried. "But... are you really okay? Can I trust your word?"

"Sure you can! You saw me drag at least two dudes across a store aisle without even breaking a sweat. Moving a tacky couch around is a piece of cake," He assures, and opens a smile that at least seemed confident on the surface.

Ohma just looks at him suspiciously. Then he looks at Akane. "Look, if he starts to feel sick, you know who to call."

"Okay," She nods, sighing. "Let's go then, I'll give you some medicine when we get to my place... anyway, being alone won't help. I'll let you know how he's doing, Mr. Tokita."

He nods, looks at Rihito one last time and returns to the counter. Kanami looks at him a little worried but Ohma gave her a thumbs up, to wich she just nods.

Rihito does the same, scratching the back of his head again. He glances one last time at Ohma over his shoulder before following Akane and helping her with the shopping bags, the rug once again securely tucked inside one of them.

For a second, Ohma felt like he saw something strange in his friend's eyes. And it wasn't anger or hurt at their jokes on the group chat. He didn't know what to call what he saw, but he knew he had never seen it in Rihito's eyes before.

Ohma returns to the group chat to share the news.

Kelpthullu: 

he left with Cannibal

seriously everyone

he’s acting really strange

he looked almost disturbed when he left the bakery

I’ve never seen him like this before

I think we went too far

Gigolo_Master: 

dude what do you mean

he loves to make fun of everyone here, but can’t handle it when it’s his turn?

we didn’t go that far, c’mon

he would do the same in our place

GiantKiller: 

yeah, but he’s not used to being the target around here

he needs to learn how to take a joke

EggHead:

no, wait a sec, he isn’t like that at all

he usually doesn’t mind being the butt of the joke

he just tells us to go fuck ourselves and calls it a day

now I’m kinda worried

maybe it’s because of his injuries?

he said he took some blows during the thrift store brawl 

Kelpthullu: 

maybe

he looked really pale

and it didn’t look like he threw up

the Cannibal took him to her place, she’ll give us a call if anything happens

I’ll keep you guys updated

Gigolo_Master: 

thanks ohma

but man, that’s so fucking stupid

now I’m pissed

he’s acting like a prissy bitch just because he doesn’t want to face the truth

okubo didn’t act like that when it was his turn

I’m too old for this shit

GiantKiller: 

Guess we’ll have to do an intervention

And I’m not looking forward to it

Kelpthullu: 

(answering to @Gigolo_Master) thank fuck you guys didn't have to deal with me when it was my turn, and I'm serious

GiantKiller: 

We can give it a pass when it comes to you, Ohma

You had those heart problems in the past, so you had no idea what was going on and got confused

Okubo was just too embarrassed to talk to us, but he accepted it pretty quickly

Rihito is the one who likes to act all high and mighty and who's too worried about his stupid manly pride

Like he would lose his golden jewels if he admitted he's a human being with feelings

Kelpthullu: 

I’ll admit it, I was one of those dumbfucks before I died that time

and I got my ass kicked for it

I am glad it was before I met kanami

GiantKiller: 

Yeah, that’s my point

Even you, the least educated of us in the academic sense learned from your mistakes

Gigolo_Master: 

exactly

and the girl’s pretty chill

I meet her for a single night, but I could see she’s nice

and they’re on the same vibes, not just the perverted ones

but does this make him accept his feelings and give the relationship a try? Nope

dumbass is too worried about his stupid pride

if things keep like this, she'll get tired of waiting and will kick him to the curb

and who'll have to deal with his bitching and moaning afterwards? US

EggHead:

you guys know he’s still on the group chat, right?

we’re acting like a bunch of gossipy old ladies here

Kelpthullu:

I’m down with being one of those if I have a sledgehammer 😎

so I can knock down any blonde fuck who tries to steal my rug 😎

EggHead:

FFS DUDE LMAOOOOOO

GiantKiller: 

OH MY GOD OHMA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gigolo_Master: 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

I even forgot what I was about to say man

okay I remembered

(answering to @EggHead) dude I don’t give a damn

he should read what we’re saying, then he’ll see this shit isn’t funny anymore

I’m not one to talk about someone behind their back, specially if it’s one of my friends

Kelpthullu:

alright then

I’ll be off now guys

kanami’s shift is almost over

again, I’ll let you guys know if anything happens

EggHead: 

sure thing

go eat some katsudon LOL

okay, now that I’m calmer, this shit’s pretty funny

I’ll be off too

let’s schedule a day to go talk to rihito later

Gigolo_Master: 

yeah, and I’ll beat his ass if he tries to run away

I’ll go back to work now

talk to you guys after my shift

see ya

GiantKiller: 

see you guys later

Nextpart here

[apyrisol]

JJK VOLUME 0

ur gonna have to ignore any weird lighting/blurriness/bad quality in the pics. i originally took these for my friends n didn't put any effort into em lol.

long ass post under the cut

the little character bio things were a big reason i got the set, i fucking love extra information. rika being somewhat devious as a child is rly funny to me considering what she becomes

i wish i'd have gotten a better pic of it now but INUMAKI HAS FANGS AND I THINK THAT'S SO SO FUCKING NEAT CONSIDERING SNAKE EYES AND FANGS ARE THE INUMAKI CLAN SIGIL OR WHATEVER!!!! ily toge he's so cool he's so fun i wish we saw more of him

geto looks like such an off model cunt in his first appearance (first 2) it's so jarring. like later on in the last chapter or 2 of vol 0 gege seems to get the hang of his design but comparing these first appearances of him compared to how he looked once jjk had been going for a bit (img 3) you can tell something's off about him.

gojo i don't know how to tell you this buddy but you've let him walk away before. he knows he can get away with it again because he's him and you're you. he knows you'll see eachother again inevitably so he gets to leave as long as things are as they are. also it kinda looks like he was making a move for his ass here 😭 just thought that was funny

cat interlude, he was chillin w me while i read ♥️ this is Griffin 4 anyone who's never seen my boys before

geto what the fuck did you do to that poor girls leg gah DAMN!!! this part has always been curious to me bc what the hell is he doing here. ik this was before jjk was being serialized so sometimes you gotta take shit w a grain of salt but it's so interesting. is he just able to use rct? would he have been copying ieiri's technique since it's on others? i know he copies inumakis technique here without consuming part of him like is required later on in thee shinjuku fight i think but when would he have met shoko even.. im sure this is just a case of retconning but it's sorta fun to poke at at least.

i will never ever ever be normal about the hasaba twins. geto snapping finally because of the fucking state these poor girls were in drives me nuts, those are his daughters bro... ALSO I WISH WE COULD'VE SEEN MORE OF MIMIKO AND NANAKO'S TECHNIQUES RAHH I THINK THEY WOULD BE INTERESTING!!! im sure from what we've seen that nanas has something to do with photo manipulation but is it limited to pictures taken by her phone? what about photographs from a camera? what about videos? who can she target with it? what's her range? aaaagh so many questions that'll never be answered.. and mimi unfortunately we never see hers used other than the threat of hanging. in my head it's a sort of voodoo doll technique but different from the stuff nobara does. haven't thought too hard about what exactly the parameters and effects of her technique would be but that's my baseline theory for what it is.

small little thing but I NEVER NOTICED CURSED SPIRIT RIKA HAS THE SAME MOLE CHILD RIKA DOES THAT'S SO FUN!!!

and finally, we have gay people. i am never ever ever going to be sane about this fuuuucking ending bro. "it's called trust" "i didn't realize you still felt any connection with me" SHUT UPPP IM SO ILL!!! geto not even realizing how much he probably fucking hurt gojo when he left. the way they're still able to make light banter despite how grim their circumstance is. geto fucking BLUSHING after gojo says his final piece (i know there's that one interview that says he says something embarrassing/smth that'd make you self conscious but we all know what i think he said im sure). MY ONE AND FUCKING ONLY GOJO I KNOW WHAT YOU AREEEEEE IM GOING TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF MY TAIL!!!!! they make me so ill for no good fucking reason lawd.

im already having a lot of fun rereading even though i only read the damn prequel volume so far lol. expect to see these posts as i make my way through the next 21 volumes then probably as i finish my reread digitally for the volumes not out for english print yet 😁

kinda liveblog thread incoming soon. i bought an almost complete set of the jjk manga (it's only missing the 2 most recent english releases, vol 22 and 23) so even though ive already read it all once and watched the anime+movie plenty of times now here are new things im noticing and random stuff i have to say 😁

[kuiinncedes]

we had a beautiful, magic love there (sad beautiful tragic - taylor swift)

[starrycassi]

RavenBand!Neil thoughts

Tws for acephobia, sa and yk, the traditional in aftg. Also I ignore the canon in some a lot of parts. Ah, and this is settled more in a present like time so, bear with me.

I personally love the idea of Nathaniel being SO out of touch with the world. This kids was brought in here from such a young, young age. And since day one, he's been number three.

He's been under Ichiro's wing control all this time, too. His only spare time is divided between some weird game called Exy and stuff like mostly trying to sleep.

Picture this little boy, who isn't even 15 yet, having a routine like: wake up, everything that comes in with self care for a star, daily warming ups and then fucking exploiting himself in both dancing and singing, for as long as his body can hold (and then, just a bit longer)

He then gets up, shakes his spirit until it's awake again and walks off to the room he shares with Jean. Nathaniel is performing in a piano in front of millions when he's not even able to reach the bathroom mirror without standing on his tiptoes yet. He's being perfectly presented to the world when he doesn't even have his own phone.

You know those sort of kids that fuck up their lives to shit like ballet, modelling and such? The ones who shine so brigth that their souls burn in the process? The ones that fight harder and harder every day because in something like art, the older you get the less attention you are given? The ones that cry out of pure rage when shit goes grown because they know how important it is for everything to work out? That's Nathaniel Wesninski, number 3 of the perfect group, brother property of Ichiro Moriyama, son of the butcher and caretaker of Jean Moreau.

So he grows up to be this sort of machine-like person when he's out of his room. The only real friend he has is Jean, because even when Kevin tries to be there, he always ends up running when Riko asks him to, and even if Ichiro finds Nathaniel somewhat better than his actual little brother, he knows what kind of person that man is.

Jean isn't exactly in a different situation, with his life literally being Riko's new toy... until it isn't, because Ichiro decides that if Riko gets Kevin is only fair that Nathaniel gets Jean, as if the two boys are some sort of fancy toys.

So what I'm trying to get to here is Nathaniel and jean bein horribly clueless to shit like sex innuendos. But Nathaniel especially, since he doesn't even feels something along those lines or at least not until some good five or so years after.

Even if Riko insist. So much. Sometimes, he wins those figths. Sometimes he doesn't.

Then they decide to stop being only a group that performs shit like weird ass contemporary dances or classical songs, all of them a very useful front for the business the Moriyamas needed to do. They ALSO become a "k-pop" band (because idk if u can call it that) and it's chaos.

And of course you all know about the sexualization of young artists, so I think that as soon as it's legal to do so, this "quality" of being absent minded to sex of Nathaniel is exploited. Suggestive pics that aren't actually graphic, but they are... interestingly placed and conceptualizd. Out of place comments that he never catches on or plays out as a joke. Riko hovering over him way too much when they are too close. Being asked to behave in certain ways with certain artists because that's what the fans want.

They turn the asexual boy into a sexual fantasy for the public.

Of course he becomes aware of it after Jean gets his own phone and fuck, that is a hard weekend.

But he's also used to it. And as someone who has a lot of bad behaviors, I know how fucking hard it is to get rid of them. Nathaniel just hating human contact when he isn't warned about it but also being all touchy with other people accidentally because he's been teached this since he was a child.

Like, sometimes I feel like people forget that hypersexuality is a response to trauma, too. I've even seen some people use this as some fort of excuse, and it really, really makes me feel so weird.

Just imagine it. Neil (former Nathaniel, and then former Niel) learning that even if he can be a bit too out of line, it's not his fault. He's heard those words before, Jean used to whisper them to him after bad nights, but Jean is Jean, and he can be so soft with Neil sometimes that it scares both of them. For them, those words were the same as saying that everything will be okay or we'll get trough this. They were never real words, they were just an expression of solidarity— just a bunch of attempts to survive in that hell of a place, even if they had it "better" than some of the others.

But then, there's Andrew. Andrew who just fucking kicks him in the legs when Neil attempts to get too close. Who only asks one time if Neil really doesn't like to swing even if they both know he's still being forced to play the game and then never brings the topic up. Andrew who only looks away, humming, that one time Neil had to undress in front of him. Andrew who keeps Nicky in line even when Neil can be seen as interested by the way he behaves. Andrew. Andrew who makes Neil understand what sex should feel like. Who makes him happy and makes him feel like he's floating in the short moments they get to be actually alone. Who makes Neil understand that even if he is pretty, even is he is hot, even if he is wanted, he should never be used. Never, never, never.

And then there is Aaron, see? They're a good duo. Aaron, who only pays attention to his scars when he sees his naked chest. Aaron, who looks like he doesn't care about life but slowly makes sure to never sit too close to Neil when it isn't necessary. Aaron who just straight up hates him but never hurts him. And it makes Neil so relieved and nauseous, to understand that even if he can be annoying, even if he is stubborn, even if he isn't wanted, he should never have to under go horrible punishments. Never, never, never.

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[rainileo]

have you seen hao’s selca ?? where he’s on the bed ?? ugh he keeps posting thirst traps and i cant stop thinking abt him and u having sex in the dorm where you have to stay quite bcs all of the boys are there and u guys eventually get caught </3

HES SO FINEE KHAUDUSJSJ

be quiet (m)

idol!minghao/the8 x (female reader)

warnings: public sex (?), dorm sex, quiet sex, minghao is sassy lol, not much else just sex w/ minghao

lmk if i miss anything (not proof read)

a/n: i literally almost peed when i saw those pics lmao he’s so hot ahhagejajdvs. i decided to make it so that he’s in school rn (like idfk art school or smthn trying to get a degree lol, but he’s still an idol). and sorry for taking so long to get something out lmao

10:33 pm

“are you done yet?” your was tone is riddled with annoyance. you slumped in irritation, starting to get restless. you were asking if minghao had completed his school work yet, as he has been working on it non stop since you had arrived a few hours prior.

at this point you were so bored. the time was slowly passing by, and you thought about leaving more than once, but decided against it as the two of you haven’t had much quality time together lately. the other boys managed to keep you busy in the meantime, but it was beginning to get late and they were getting ready for bed, or already were fast asleep.

minghao wasn’t even paying attention to you, busy with his work that has been piling up over weeks. usually, you attempted to keep him on track with assignments, occasionally helping him or reminding him, but sometimes his actual job can get in the way and cause him to fall behind to the point where he has to spend his extra hours trying to catch up.

you felt bad for bothering him and getting upset, but, he did invite you over after all.

the two of you are always so busy that it could be almost impossible to find time for each other, so when you could, you tried your hardest to make the best out of it. it was even worse seeing as the two of you could barely have sex either, and it was really beginning to get to you.

his eyes were trained on the assignment sheets, reading over them with his head resting on his knuckles. he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and looking up to you with tired written all over him.

“no.” was all he said, his blank facial expression never faltering. he blinked slowly and tiredly at you, the bags under his eyes now more prominent as you finally get a better look at his face.

he was seated at his desk and you were on his bed, sitting atop the sheets, holding one of his plushies for comfort. one of his nightlights was illuminating his room, letting off a warm glow that contrasted his skin perfectly.

you roll your eyes and get up from your position, walking over to where he’s seated.

“you need to take a break, like meditate or whatever you usually do.” you try to suggest, coming in front of him and placing your hands on his shoulders and rubbing them soothingly. his eyes follow you, moving his head to crane itself to look up at you.

his face softens from your ministrations, his body immediately relaxing into your touch. “-and i don’t know, maybe spend sometime with your girlfriend.”

the attitude is evident in your tone but he ignores it, moving his head off the table to move his hands on your waist, squeezing it in response to your comment, still looking up to you with those same tired eyes. he only stays silent, the air becoming thick as you await his answer. when he doesn’t reply fast enough, you begin, “c’mon, let’s do something, you’ve been sitting here on your arse since i’ve walked in.”

you now move your hands to his forearms, backing up so you can use your weight to leverage yourself to pull him up. he complies and comes to stand up with you. when he gets off the chair, you hear the joints in his knees crack loudly. he grimaced and began to stretch, finishing it off by twisting and shaking his leg like a dog almost, making you laugh cutely at him.

the side smile he gives goes straight to your core, it being a little to seductive looking for your liking.

suddenly it was like a switch was flipped, now that he was at full length in front of you, it felt like the mood had taken a complete 180. he intertwines your fingers and presses his chest up against yours, exhaling through his nose when you look up at him.

“i have a proposition.” he blurts out and you nod, “shoot your shot.” you reply, blinking at him as you wait, wondering what he could possibly be interested in now.

“lets fuck.” your eyes widen at his bluntness, mouth dropping open in hesitation. now it was his turn to wait for your response, biting on his lip and stroking your sides gently.

“but the guys,” you look to the door and gulp nervously, already imagining one of his group members walking in on you while you two are intimate. “don’t worry about them, they’re tired, it’s been a long week and i just need you now.” his hands shifted down to your ass, squeezing it through your sweats and you narrow your eyes in thought, hesitating on the idea of having sex with your boyfriend while 12 other men are just on the other side of his door.

you look up to him and he’s got his head tilted, looking at you with admiration.

“we don’t have to, but,” he pauses, pursing his lips, “it’s been way to long.” he exhaled again, letting out that breath he didn’t know he was holding. you nodded in agreement, trying to weigh the outcomes in your mind.

his hands smooth over the skin on your ass now, your left hand grips onto his shoulder and the other rests on the nape of his neck, playing with the hair that was becoming very long at the back of his head.

your brain tells you not to, but your core says otherwise by pulsing when he leans into your neck, leaving open mouth kisses all it. “o-okay, yeah let’s do it.” your voice is barely above a whisper when he pulls away with the same smile as before, griping your hips and pressing into you when he leans in to kiss you deeply.

the kiss is sloppy and desperate, spit beginning to build in your mouth fast. your hands dig into his neck unintentionally when he licks over your lips, causing you to shift into his member on accident. he groans into your mouth and you finally open yours for him to slide his tongue into you, immediately exploring and causing spit to dribble down the both of your chins.

it became intense really fast when he began to shift your hoodie up your torso, pulling it up and over your head, leaving your upper half completely bare, as you weren’t wearing a bra.

minghao shifts his eyes to your boobs and he feels his mouth salivate, moving his hands and beginning to massage both your mounds.

he leans in to kiss you again, simultaneously pushing you backwards towards his bed for you to lay down with him hovering over you. your lips never leave each other when he shifts onto his knees, hunching over you, hands going back to play with your boobs.

you let out low moans and he takes that as a go for him to suck on your nipples. he leans down even further to put his mouth onto your right nipple, making eye contact and your mouth drops open in awe.

his hands makes quick work on the waist band of your sweats, playing with it before you buck up into him wantonly. he smiles against you and moves his hands to pull your pants down, leaving your nipple alone. he throws your pants somewhere along with your undies quickly after, spreading your legs to view your soaking center.

“jesus, look at you.” he mumbles, eyes focused on your core and you whine impatiently, bucking up again to get his attention, “minghao please~.” you flush, heat crossing over your cheeks and leaving behind a light blush.

you didn’t notice until now that your heart was pounding, even harder when you realize that he’s straining against his sweats. “just relax, i miss your body.” his hands run over your skin, fingers softly gliding every inch of you and you squirm in anticipation, getting anxious as you hear one of the boys in the kitchen near by.

“minghao they’re right in the kitchen.” you complain and he scowls up at you. “so what if they catch us, they’ll just be jealous they’re not getting their dicks wet.” he says before leaning back on his calf’s to pull his hoodie over his head.

the warm light still reflects off of him, making him glow in the dark light and your mouth waters now, thighs shutting against each other to relieve yourself. he chuckles and palms himself, the both of you staring down each trying to relieve yourselves.

he moves his free hand to your knee to pry them apart, marvelling at your wet center again. he feels himself twitch and decides it’s time to remove himself from the confines of his sweats.

you silently watch him, moving a hand down to play with yourself, biting your lip from the pleasure of the relief of your fingers.

once his pants are on the floor he comes back between your legs and leans in to kiss you again.

everything in the dorm was silent except for the boys that were still awake in the kitchen, either cleaning up for the night or relaxing in the living room.

it felt wrong to do what the two of you were doing and you began to let you thoughts get to you as you hear the guys get louder, actually hearing mingyu walking down the hallway.

minghao senses you uneasiness and pulls away, moving his palm to your cheek, thumb sliding over your lips easily. “y/n, i told you we could stop if you wanted.”

it was like everything came crumbling down on you in that moment and you groaned out in frustration, slamming your hands by your sides and frowning at him. he watched you with wide eyes, confused.

“minghao i swear just stick your dick in me.” he snorts at your response and roughly grabs your thighs to hoist them over his shoulders. he leans down to hover over you, practically folding you in half. your hands clutch onto his biceps’s tightly as you wait for his next move.

he grips his dick, sliding the head through your folds momentarily, then slowly pushing into you, causing you to gasp loudly, mouth dropping open as he slowly stretches you open. he too has his mouth dropped open, sliding in to the point where he’s ball deep, waiting for you to give him the go. “you’re so tight baby. just like i remembered.” he comments, his voice now an octave deeper, pressing his forehead against yours.

you back your hips against him and he takes that as a sign to start moving his hips and immediately begins a fast pace. the way he fucks you is desperate and rough, panting noises only coming from between you both, trying to keep quiet.

“s-shit.” you throw you head back and minghao moves his head into the crook of your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses and biting, being sure to leave marks. you let small breathy pants out, struggling to hold you noises in, deciding to bite your lip to aid you in concealing your noises instead.

right after that, minghao finds your spot and it causes you to mewl and to arch up into him. his hand holds onto your rib cage while the other snakes itself between you two and starts to rub over your soaking center, stimulating you even more, causing your pants to get louder and louder.

“baby,” he pauses, his thrust never faltering, and taking a breath, “be quiet.” his command makes you shiver, his deep voice resonating in your ears.

suddenly he changes his pace, making it slow and gripping your hips with both hands, pulling out and slamming in against you roughly. you moan out in response, but not loud enough for anyone to be suspicious. he immediately moves his hand over your mouth, going back to his fast pace.

you whimper into his hand, hands clawing his back as he shifts himself to hit your spot repeatedly. “i told you to stay quiet.” your face contorts in pleasure as he begins to speak, your brain not generating a response fast enough, “do you really want to cum?” he whispers into your ear and you whine, nodding vigorously. you begin to speak, pleading and begging him to let you cum, but your sounds are muffled from his palm.

he chuckles deeply and leans back onto his knees, sitting back to admire your fucked out look, eyes watering, hair sprawled on the sheets and a light layer of sweat on your skin. his hand remains tight on your face and your brows furrow after realizing he won’t remove his hand. “you said you didn’t want to get caught.” he smirks, his cocky remark making you roll your eyes internally.

he sits up to start another fast pace, now on his knees with your legs dangling off his shoulders. his thrusts are forceful but quiet, skillfully angling them to hit your spot with each thrust.

your hands go to wrap around the one that sates you, nails digging in with each thrust. “fuck.” he groans under his breath, watching as your breast bounce with the force of his thrusts.

he can feel you flutter around him, you feeling him twitching as well. “are you close?” he leans back down right in front of your face, breath fanning over it. you nod, giving him pleading eyes and he removes his hand. when he lets go you gasp for air, immediately swearing out as he chases both your highs.

you arch your back, squeezing your eyes shut, moving one of your hands down to relieve yourself.

you’re both so close and you feel it coming.

until mingyu comes busting though the door loudly, laughing at one of the guys and turning to the two of you who are looking back at him with frightened eyes.

minghao attempts to cover you, giving him a glare and mingyu squeals in fear, realizing what he had just walked in on.

“OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY!” he yells, putting a hand over his eyes and blindly walking out the room, bumping into the door and closing it.

you hear him run away and you both let out a sigh.

minghao slowly turns his head to you and you glare at him, shoving his shoulder angrily.

“i fucking told you.” you retort, crossing your arms over your chest as he laughs loudly at you, listening in on the conversation in the other room.

“whatever, let me finish you off it’s been way too long.” he says one last time before reconnecting your lips and starting his pace again.

[zot3-flopped]

I’m sorry but I get it. It clicked. We got Harry’s Italy pics today and I finally understood all the Harry Styles hate blogs. How can they NOT hate him? Look at those pics! You either LOVE HIM and support him and are SO FUCKING HAPPY to be his fan, or you loathe him. He gives us EVERYTHING. He looks like a model, is intelligent and articulate, cultured, into all forms of art, works hard as fuck, quality music. Incredible content, nothing half assed. But he also doesn’t take himself seriously, is funny, witty, lovable, and kind to a fault. And he does it all without being in your face or annoying. OF COURSE they hate him 😭 they either surrender and worship him or go to the opposite spectrum and hate him. They can’t just ignore (almost) perfection.

Love this ask! So true. What would you rather have? A greedy bastard pushing NFTs at you, a grimy clown making a fish finger sandwich, or Harry Styles on a boat in Venice, arriving to film his arthouse movie?

[coralsgrimes]

Ok that last anon was creepy as fuck. She was 17???? How do people go after Ben for dating girls way younger than him but think it’s okay to call his sexual photoshoot with a minor hot? Like make it make sense. I know it was just one anon but the shifting moral standards of some of the Ben fan turned haters really bothers me. It’s fine to call him out for things in his past but a lot of them on DL were around when it was happening and didn’t care. Ben was everyone’s perfect little angel until he got caught with the quack 🧚🏼‍♀️ and it’s just so shitty that people base what is or isn’t acceptable behavior on if they like him still.

Also the way people will take one thing and lose their minds is embarrassing. Julianne ate a carb for once and isn’t in revealing clothing => a bunch of people ask about how that obviously means Ben got her pregnant. The hysteria following the giant leaps to conclusion over every innocuous thing that Ben or Julianne does just makes everyone look like clowns.

I like your blog and this isn’t meant to be hate, you’re a great balance of nasty snark and objectivity but i would be careful posting some tweets if they’re from younger people. DL severely died down because they were taking mad shit about Twitter fans and one of Ben’s minor fan found out they were making fun of her sanity and looks, she (understandably imo) got extremely upset and then threatened to “end it.” You honestly seem like one of his most normal fans left, neither up his ass nor swearing to anyone who will listen that he’s the spawn of satan, but from how fast the quality of asks have deteriorated I would bet some of his super angry fans have found this blog and they clearly have no qualms about going too far.

-👑 anon ( I refuse to put any fairies whatsoever because that category of species has been forever ruined for me)

First of all ye made my day hun! Everyone look up there, star fucking pupil, cuz the rest of my inbox is Jules, pregnancy, conspiracy and calling me out for bringing up the Bella shoots infested… Some messages are bland repeats. Do ye people runned out of ideas?

I tried to bring up the swans incident before but usually one of two things happens. Ppl either ignore it or say that I exaggerate AND THEY FIND REASONS TO EXCUSE THE SHIT. Like it’s the shit, us being Bennys fans and engaging with him and basically paying for his living with our attention, we don’t have to agree with all of his choices but what for sure we can do is expect accountability for them. But it’s exactly as ye say. The accountability expectations are selective af (not Benny fandom specific problem tho). DL and LSA (lsa especially!) are full of hatred towards women so they won’t look twice at her being a minor, plus she is found attractive by the media standards so there's another reason not to talk about her. Just look up comments from when the pics dropped and Ben fans were awful to Bella (including the german lady…). This is such a big issue overall and what they say is WELL THE INDUSTRY WORKS LIKE THAT! IT’S NORMAL! WHAT CAN YOU DO? Ye it is true, shit like this is everyday bullshit. but still he went for that shit. He could bail? Like he could bail on naming the song 11:11? Yep so I just push this shit to the back of them drawers cuz what's the point of talking about it and only trigger myself? This, the over the top nsfw content his fans create and the Montana travels are what destroyed Ben for me. I have my personal dislike for the fairy queen, completely separate from Benny shit. The Bulianne stuff is just entertainment and a joke, if it's still not evident to some.

The pregnancy shit is running wild and her being in London fuels the shit out of it… Personally I hate pregnancy rumours. Only thing on my mind when I see them speculations is the whole Mariah Carey and Ellen situation. Not for me, imma just gonna leave…

Meet Coral part #noonecares. I’m pretty straightforward and I usually expect people to be the same towards me. The line of what I take as acceptable talk about is probably further than it should be and I’m always almost crossing it anyways. Would say that I’m kinda at peace with myself now and I speak from my heart all times. Lost some people over it but bestie I won’t stand by your stupid bullshit. But here's the gimmick. I have terrible anxiety. I can’t open up like that to people I don’t know. Last year I would never start a fucking blog and casually message with people online. Welp, the pandemic helped with that a lot. I’m making progress here x.x Tho I’m afraid I’m gonna say/post something that I should not. Something that is way way too much. And like ye know that people might start to hate me out of nowhere. I’ve got many very not okay asks over the weeks I’m here, and yesterday and today I’ve got some more. Won’t post those cuz like it's too much even for me. My deal with Benny Boy is that I enjoy the little things he does but at the same time I want him to get better and take responsibility for the shit that's real, I don't believe in half assed shit, the stuff is not black and white I know, but clarity would be cool. I said this before, many times. Beyyn is not bad but he could have been so much more and so much better. They either try to excuse his actions or try to crucify him for the wrong stuff cuz they put him on pedestal so fucking high, and now wanna push him off of it. So now i’m like enjoying the shit but not hoping for much change in Ben anymore ;c

The twitter shit x.x ugggh I know but some of them tweets are just so good and cringe I can’t not look? And I remember the stuff ye talking about, one of Benny's fans and the DL trolls shitshow. I’m not a big guy tho. I have my lil corner here for ma bitching I made while being locked up with covid… But gonna tone it down just in case cuz I don’t wanna hardcore fangirs or hardcore antis in here x.x

AGAIN MUFFIN! Tis so nice <3 Thanks for looking out for me, I appreciate it, truly <3

[peachy-beomie]

Holding You In My Heart (Until I Can Hold You In My Arms) <KUNTEN>

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Kunten (Qian Kun x Ten Lee)

Word Count: 1,643

Warnings: None!

Synopsis: COVID AU in which Kun sets up a bunch of cute zoom dates for him and his boyfriend.

A/N: I got bored and I really want to start working on my masterlist so I decided to post this :D

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410125

From: qiankunprod@gmail.com

To: chittaphonleechaiyapornkul@yahoo.com

Join Zoom Meeting

{zoom link}

I stare quizzically at the email that pops up on my screen, interrupting my FRIENDS marathon. The message comes from none other than my boyfriend Kun, who’s been spending all of quarantine so far looking for ways for us to go on dates.

When COVID hit, Kun and I were forced to confine ourselves in our respective apartments, limiting contact. It hasn’t been too hard thus far, we call and text everyday without fail. Simple good mornings and silly pictures of my cat sufficed for the first month or so. But as the quarantine dragged on, I began missing Kun’s face more and more. We hadn’t been on a proper date in god knows how long, and it was starting to impact my mental health.

Curiosity consumes me as I click the link, awaiting whatever dorky plot Kun had conjured up. Within seconds his lopsided grin filled my screen and drew a small smile from my lips.

“Hi Sunshine!” He greets cheerfully, the familiar pet name bringing warmth to my cheeks.

“Heya baby, what’s this about?”

“Nothing, just missed you.” Kun’s tone has a hint of mischief that doesn’t go unnoticed by me. But playing along with Kun is way more fun than interrogating him.

“Mmm not as much as I missed you. You sure there’s no special reason for this?” I can see Kun’s eyes sparkling despite the low quality graphics.

“Weeeeellllllll I suppose I did want to ask if you’d want to go on a date?”

“A date? How would we do that?”

“Like this!” Kun gestures eagerly at the screen. “Through zoom! I found all kinds of fun things we can do.”

“And when would we do this?”

“I mean I’m free now…” Kun suggests, eliciting a giggle from me. Sometimes Kun’s cuteness is unbelievable.

“That works for me. What’d you have in mind baby?” Kun’s eyes sparkle mischievously.

“Wanna get your ass whooped at Mario Kart?”

“In your d r e a m s Qian.”

⏳

After that initial date, zoom dates with Kun became a frequent occurance. Kun wasn’t kidding when he said he had a lot of ideas. He set up so many dates ranging from movie nights (“You know he comes back in the next movie right?” “TOM HOLLAND IS TOO HOT TO DIE KUN.”) to a talent show consisting mostly of magic and Louis ignoring my attempts to make him do tricks. I began to look forward to each and every one of the meetings. Especially if it’s my turn to plan the date (“It’s more fun playing Just Dance against you cause you’re uncoordinated and I always win.” “Shut up.”). Dates with Kun made quarantine far more tolerable, though I still missed cuddling with Kun. The teddy bear he sent me as a replacement was a kind gesture though.

I hold it close as I watch Kun struggle to repeat the steps I taught him. A small chuckle escapes my lips, and Kun immediately turns to me with a pout.

“Don’t laugh, I think I’m doing alright.”

“Oh yeah at this pace you’ll be in level 2 hiphop in no time,” I joke, only laughing harder at the huff Kun lets out. “I wasn’t laughing at you darling, just thinking about how much I love you.” The older boy looks slightly stunned by my confession but he’s beaming from ear to ear within seconds.

“I love you too Sunshine.”

***

“It’s way too salty.”

“I told you the recipe didn’t call for a cup of salt but you wouldn’t listen!!!” I giggle at my exasperated boyfriend before putting the failed noodle dish in the sink.

“Maybe I should hire a better teacher.”

“Good luck finding someone else who’ll tolerate your bullshit like I do,” We both chuckle at that. “Are you available for another date Friday night?”

I pretend to think it over before shrugging, “I suppose I can fit you into my schedule.” Kun glares cutely at me through the screen. “What do you have planned?”

“It’s a surprise.” Kun wiggles his eyebrows for emphasis.

“Sounds mysterious.”

“Well if I recall correctly you love suspense,” Kun muses, “You in?”

“Of course.”

Kun tries to keep up his mysterious demeanor, but the way he visibly lights up at my confirmation is impossible to miss.

“Then I’ll see you in 3 days sunshine.” And with a final wink, he ends the meeting.

Cheeky fucker.

⏳

Finding the patience to wait for Kun’s surprise proved quite challenging. I couldn’t help but mull over what on earth the older man had planned. The existence of the mystery lifted my previously sour mood, but I couldn’t for the life of me solve for x while Kun’s gleeful words raced through my head.

After nearly an hour of staring at the same math question, I decide planning my outfit would be a better use of my time. Considering I have no idea what Kun is planning, I try to pick an outfit that’s casual but also pretty. I didn’t want to overdo it (it’s only a zoom date after all) but I also wanted Kun to know I tried. I tear my closet apart for about 20 minutes before settling on my favorite white tee and jeans. I also opt to do a little makeup, knowing Kun would appreciate it. Showering, makeup, and hair take up the rest of my time and before I know it, it’s time for our zoom date.

It appears I wasn’t the only one looking forward to the date because even though I logged on a whole 5 minutes early, Kun was already waiting to admit me.

“Someone’s excited.” I tease, proud of the light pink that dusts kun’s cheeks

“I’m the host, what’s your excuse?” He chuckles lightly. “You look gorgeous Sunshine.”

“Not so bad yourself,” my teasing tone barely disguises the obvious want in my voice. Cause Kun. Looks. Adorable. It’s not that he’s dressed up, not at all actually. He’s dressed somewhat similarly to me, drowning in a plain collared long sleeve. The sleeves are long enough to cover his hands, giving him sweater paws that make him appear not only soft, but tiny. His chocolate brown hair is mussed up, only adding to the overall image. To top it all off, he seems to be wearing a little bit of lip balm. I have never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my entire life.

“You frozen there lovebug?” Kun’s amused comment breaks me out of my stupor.

“Nope, just enjoying the view,” I wink nonchalantly once again relishing in the blush rising up Kun’s neck. “So what’s your plan?”

“You should be finding out in about…” He checks his watch dramatically, “5 minutes.” I could only giggle in response as I watched my boyfriend, eyes gleaming with mischief. As I may have mentioned previously: Kun is a dork. He enjoys setting up dates a lot (maybe a bit too much). He likes to come up with weird creative ideas for us to try. It’s one of the things I love most about him. And the way his gaze is flitting every which way and his legs are bouncing all over the place is a clear sign that he’s extremely proud of whatever he’s planned.

A few minutes of mindless chitchat later, I hear the doorbell ring. I give Kun a knowing look as he pretends not to know what’s going on. I open the door to see two boxes of take out from my favorite restaurant. I turn to Kun on the screen.

“You didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did sunshine.”

As I open the delicious smelling box I see that he’d gotten my favorite dish as well. He’d remembered every detail of it. A few tears escape my eyes against my will. Kun seems confused and concerned by my reaction, his beautiful features melting into a frown.

“Did I get something wrong? I swear I checked like 8 times to make sure I just--”

“No Kun it’s perfect,” I smile wetly. “You got everything right baby, I’m just really lucky to have you.” Kun nods understandingly grinning to reveal his dimple, and all of a sudden I’m hit with a wave of sadness and longing. I want nothing more than to be there with Kun, to caress his cheeks and bury my head in his chest and kiss the freckle under his brow that I love so much. I’m hit all at once with the realization that I miss being with Kun, and suddenly the tears are streaming down my cheeks. Kun stays silent, patient as always and it only makes me want to cry more.

“I miss you so fucking much,” I whisper between sobs. My vision is far too blurry to see how Kun is reacting to my outburst. “I hate this stupid quarantine, and the stupid virus, and stupid zoom. I just w-want to hug you so bad kunkun.” My voice breaks at the end of my sobs.

“Aw baby, I know. Any time we do these dates I can’t help but miss everything about you. You mean so much to me and not being able to see you has been torture. But don’t worry too much Sunshine. This is not permanent. I’m confident we’ll be able to see each other again.” Kun’s eyes are practically pouring out affection and genuineness.

“I’m sorry for ruining the date.”

“If you don’t hush right now I’m going to find a way to Zoom slap you,” Kun teased. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for and you haven’t ruined anything. We can just eat and watch a movie together yeah?”

There on my couch, as I lost count of the hours going by with Kun’s voice in my ears: I realized that despite the unideal situation, we’d be okay.

KUNTEN PIC OF THE DAY:

[dolphin-enthusiast]

(If asks are open) hcs of la squadra drunk?

- Risotto is the lowkey clingy drunk that doesn’t remember jack shit the following day. He’s considerably louder than usual as well and keeps rambling about whatever goes on through his head at the moment, not to mention that he can and WILL laugh at absolutely anything around him. Hell, me mans even teamed up with the chaotic kids a few times in order to prank the other unsuspecting members. Riso is basically the opposite of who he usually is and he won’t believe a word the next morning when the others start clowning him. But he cannot deny the decisive evidence that are the cursed videos Formaggio and Melone took of him last night. He can only hope they will keep their mouths shut.

- Unsurprisingly, Melone is the wild drunk™️. The man only gets even more obnoxious the second he touches alcohol because, unlike Risotto, he’s a damn lightweight no matter how often he drinks. He’s the type to randomly get up on the table and scream the fucking lyrics to Bad Romance and pester everyone into joining him. He has absolutely no limits and at some point will even start “seductively” stripping. Fortunately, the energy bursts are short lived and eventually he’d fall asleep and only wake up the next afternoon with one of the worst headaches ever. He too doesn’t remember jack shit.

- Formaggio is just like Melone but with a twist, because his tolerance is WAY better than his chaotic sidekick’s. These two always team up and carry out their evil crackhead deeds together. They especially have a passion for fucking with Prosciutto and Risotto (nothing new here), especially if the 2 victims are also buzzed/drunk themselves. Unlike Melone, Formaggio doesn’t go to sleep THAT easily and will continue randomly screaming, laughing and torturing the others until the sun rises. Someone save the rest of La Squadra.

- Ghiaccio is the melancholic kind of drunk and it’s as if his anger issues go away the more he drinks. Although don’t provoke him, he can and will start a drunk ass bar style fight if you keep pestering him enough. But usually he’s just chilling in the corner and reflecting over existence and the universe as if he were in a dramatic music video. Occasionally teams up with Melone and Formaggio in order to troll the rest of the gang if he’s had way too much to drink. His tolerance is medium, but shit like whisky or vodka immediately get to him. Has probably drunkenly sung Let it go at some point and of course that the others caught it on camera.

- Illuso is a lowkey sad drunk and is way more emotional than usual. He’ll remember all sorts of events from the past or things that people have said to him and dwell into them until the tears come out. Because of this Melone, Formaggio and even Ghiaccio would start clowning him which would only cause the poor man to wail more. This is where clingy and friendly drunk Risotto would come in, standing up for Illuso and taking him away from the nasty bullies. The capo would comfort his fellow member and they’d end up drinking together until both of them would fall asleep next to eachother. 10/10 Formaggio and Melone rearranged these 2 in a promising position and snapped some quality blackmail pics of it since they could really come in handy in the future.

- Prosciutto is probably the one that gets drunk the hardest, mans got mad tolerance. And even when he does get “drunk” for him it feels more like a slight buzz because his behavior doesn’t change THAT much anyway. Sure he will be way more talkative than usual and also a bit more touchy, but that’s about it. Whilst the others never really remember too much after they wake up the next day, this man has perfect recollection of what happened hence why he also tries to be as chill as possible when drunk since he’d hate to embarass himself. He can be found in the corner (much like Ghiaccio) thinking about deep subjects while trying to ignore the constant chaos and screaming around him. 10/10 will talk to you about philosophy and whether aliens exist or not.

- If you thought Illuso was a real drunk crybaby, Pesci is just like that only on fucking steroids. Pesci is already lowkey sensitive by nature so when he drinks it only gets worse. The man also has horrible alcohol tolerance, hence why his brother always keeps an eye on him and instructs him not to get ahead of himself. But we all know that Prosciutto cannot ALWAYS control Pesci, so this is mainly why Pesci ended up crying and throwing tantrum on many occasions after Formaggio and Melone fucked with him. Prosciutto always chased them around afterwards and gave them the beating of their lives.

[mandivsman-blog]

11/27/2020

Speaking of being stupid. Someone has been trying to inch there way back into my life recently in a sneaky, immature way.

I haven’t developed feelings for many men in the past few years. I wasn’t particularly interested in relationships. Plus, I have so many options I was just enjoying my life and experimenting with different things. I was hyper focused on growth and what I wanted. Also, I was traveling a lot and wasn’t ready to include another person in my decision making. I think it was..August, I met this man, I refer to him as airforce (obviously he was in the airforce). Now, I wouldn’t normally date a person in the service. There’s a group subconscious in service men that well don’t jive with my ethics, and the people who know me know ethics are extremely important to me. He seemed different. He was from Montana, relatively quiet, brilliant, read constantly, and smoking fucking hot. Top 3 most attractive men I’ve dated. I mean, he was/is like irresistible to me. Handsome, nice lips (big for me), dressed well, 10/10 body, tattoos, awesome haircut (also big for me), and the most perfect Cock I have ever seen. When I say perfect cock, I mean, I wanted to photograph it and hang it on the wall. Sometimes, I would just hold it in my hand and look at it...look HARD. Now, he was extremely meh at the sex. Nice dick doesn’t automatically mean good at sex. He went for waaaaaayyyyy too long and he was big so sometimes I just grit and beared it until he was finished. But, he was a great kisser and cuddler. People don’t understand that kissing and cuddling after sex is just as part of sex for some people as the actual acts are.

Anyway, he planned amazing dates, was affectionate, successful, and he was an independent politically. That’s important to be in this age because the political climate is extremely black and white at the moment and being an independent shows me he didn’t let the military sub culture affect his decision making skills. A real free thinker.

But, alas, this man lied to me and after that, I was done. No back and forth with him. This is the 3rd time he’s tried to reconnect with me. The time before this current time, he reswiped me on a dating app and I answered and said “why”. He said blah blah blah, yatta yatta yatta. I wasn’t reading. At the end, he wanted to exchange information again so we could take more and I told him he was out of his mother fucking mind of which he ignored and tried to ask me how I was doing. I left him on read and went about my business.

Fast forward, about a month on so ago, out of no where he likes a few of my pics on Facebook. Then, a week ago, asks to follow my personal Instagram. I accept because, why not. Then, heart eyes some of my stories of which I leave on read. Finally, asks me “How are you?”

First off, if you’re a man doing this, stop it. Fucking stop it. Grow a pair and ask me what you want. What do you want? I have zero patience for this even though I suppose I do it somewhat.

Do as I say, not as I do, AMIRIGHT?

I’m 30 and I’m over it. To me, this behavior says “I’m casting out lines and waiting for something to bite”

This is humiliating to me. A man thinking that he can just come and go when he needs companionship is just, a fucking disgrace.

A man trying to make me one of several is also humiliating.

Like, boi, go get some bitches that hate themselves and throw that dirty ass dick to them.

To me, that situation ruins the sanctity of any type of relationship, even primarily sexual ones. He doesn’t care about any of them as human beings. He doesn’t want to improve or add to their lives. He’s just making sure HIS needs are met. He tells them whatever they want to hear. All he’s got is dick and hope. Most of the time, these types of men lie or omit this for fear of losing. Again, this lack of information limits the informed decisions that the woman’s make.

If she would otherwise prefer to not be with a man who is entertaining multiple women then the person lying about that is securing the relationship by deception.

Sounds to me like a pathetic, weak way to secure a relationship. Sounds exhausting. Sounds like eventually when the masks come off, the relationship will explode.

Now, going on other dates and being honest about it makes sure that there’s no bad energy on either side. Both parties can make informed decisions to what they want. Without that honesty, one person begins to care for a person who never really existed.

Maybe there’s women who are okay with a man they’ve developed feelings for building relationships and sleeping with other people. There’s a name for this, polyamory. If a person wants polyamory then that’s what they should seek, polyamorous people. Instead, they hope to trap and trick mono women into caring for them, gaslight them if the women bring up fears or concerns all in the hopes they don’t get caught. Hoping if they do get caught, a women dislikes herself enough that she believes she doesn’t deserve better and sticks around.

This behavior is not fair. And, if you’re a person who perpetrates this behavior, it’s not fair to you too. ThisBehavior limits the connection and security you can feel from people. It numbs and dulls the senses. Quality of life a person receives from their relationships diminishes. They won’t be satisfied with anything simple, everything will have to be complicated for their attention to be held. 

But anyway, Air Force is still like, deliciously hot but I do not forget what he did and I will not see him again. I accepted his follow request on insta and he keeps 😍 my stories and liking pictures. I only did that so he can take a look and realize, once again, he ain’t shit. Apparently, this is some type of language doing those things via social media.

Now, say, AF had messaged me and said something along the lines of “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately and wanted to know if you’d possibly want to reconnect? I’ve grown a lot this year and I think you’d like to get to know the new me.” Or some variation of “I’VE CHANGED AND I WANT TO SEE.” If that were the case I might bone a bone his way and grab brunch with him but he doesn’t have the plums to communicate directly OR he knows his intentions aren’t to reconnect but to fuck.

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 4 Part 1

And here we go !

This is the last chapter of Liam’s 1st year at the university. It’s a long one, so be ready ;)

A new pov will replace Barbara starting now, I hope you’ll like it.

Damian-Nicholas Smith Carrey Friday March 8, in France

When people said him that he could write a book about his life, he never imagined what kind of book it would be. But now, he had quite an accurate idea. He would call it : 'How to change from the most famous hunter to a stupid and naive man in love'. He had gone through step one for a long time now : have a fucking ridiculous teenage crush. And now, he started step two : be in a relationship with your so-called crush. Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey wasn't someone easily flustered. At least on paper. But when it come to the baboon, it was a true disaster. He must have left his pride back in the US.

"What do you think ? Isn't this one better ?" asked Liam.

The junior looked at him, his brows furrowed. They were doing shopping for souvenir. Well, the baboon searched little things for his siblings and Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey tagged along.

"I dunno. There are the same to me."

One was a key chain with the eiffel tower, the other with the Arc de Triomphe. Both were low quality products anyway. But the baboon finally picked one, and they went out of the store.

"Where are we going next ?" asked the blond lad. "There is plenty of time before our departure..."

"I bought everything I wanted." replied his boyfriend. "So I thought we could hum... take some time for us ?"

He blushed when he said the last word, which made Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey blush too, and then they both blushed even more. This is an endless circle of  pathetic shyness. I mean, I eat ass every other day, so why am I so prude right now ?

"Fine." he agreed anyway. "Lead the way."

They honestly had a good time. It was fucking weird to enjoy this at much as sex. Maybe even more. They went for walk the length of the Seine. Liam ate a box of pastries along the way and they talked about this and that. This is the end of my damned life. I'm having a silly conversation with someone. It must be the first time since... I don't even fucking remember. They were on their way back when Liam sighed.

"I'm happy to have you Dami." he whispered.

All this romantic bullshit was so embarrassing. Do I like it or not ? Just get a grip dude ! Not only he was having a damn date with his boyfriend, but he also looked like the flustered one here ! No one must ever know it happened. The baboon took his hand.

"I'm serious you know ?" he continued. "I mean, I'm still very worried about a lot of stuff... Nate is my main concern, but I'm also still preoccupied by my father. And I can't deny my story with Kilian is giving me an headache. But I'm really happy to know you're here."

"First of all baboon, it doesn't suit you to be so serious." replied Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey while trying to regain composure. "Secondly, there is nothing in what you said that can't wait tomorrow. You've the right to enjoy a little time for yourself with someone you love."

Liam blushed. He kissed his boyfriend to thank him. Holy crap. I'm getting good at the cheesy stuff too. Well, it wasn't surprising : Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was good at everything.

This evening on the plane, the junior felt a weird dread through his whole body. Suddenly, he stressed about his relationship. But there is nothing new... I mean, we already were a couple before. So what is different ? He quickly put his finger on it. I said to the baboon I loved him. I confessed my weakness. The hunters shall never know. Nobody in the university, for that matter. There are already too many fucking people aware of our relationship. I don't trust anyone about this.

"Hey dude."

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey glared at the sophomore who hailed him. It was the dipshit called Matthew, Theo's heir.

"What the hell are you doing here ?" he asked. "Want to suck my prick ?"

The cocky lad (it was obvious this guy was an arrogant bastard) smiled.

"Maybe another time. I just wanted to say D.R sent me the contract regarding Barbara. She has to stay away from Colton and all his friends starting now. So you won't see her again much."

"Don't give me that crap, idiot. I don't care about the roach. You can fuck her, so go on. Isn't it what you wanted since the beginning ?"

Matthew's smile grew larger. I can definitely see the ressemblance with this shitty Theophile now.

"Just go away, moron." he concluded.

Liam Sunday March 10 back in the US

"This trip has done some damage..."

The young lad bite his lips. I knew I had indulged a lot but that's quite a change...

"Do you dislike it ?" asked Nate, while slumping on his bed.

"Not really..."

He had been ages since the last time Liam had looked properly at his reflection. He was pleased with his general body shape. His face was finely chiseled. He had strong biceps and triceps. His legs were robust but thick just like his chest. His pecs were nicely standing out. Even his back was kind of burly. But where three month ago he had a blossoming six pack, he had now a modest amount of squishy flab. His bulging waistline was easily noticeable since he was only in briefs. But he wasn't dissatisfied.

"I think I like myself." Liam whispered.

"And that's a good thing." mumbled his bestfriend, his eyes closed. "You have nothing to be ashamed about, trust me."

The chesnut lad outlined a smile. I'm glad to see Nate is talking more and more. He was also pretty sure Dami won't judge him for a little bulk.

"I mean..." resumed the other lad. "You're even well-endowed."

It made Liam blush like hell. (Not that he didn't take the compliment.) (Who could blame him ?).

The freshman expected things to improve since they came back from France. After all, Nate was getting better, Nick was actually making some progress at swimming and Dami literally confessed his feelings. It looked like the unicorns were finally powerful enough to repel the forces of evil. (After all, he had been feeding them with his dreams for months now !). So when a girl went to talk to him during his training this afternoon, he completely ignored her. (Not on purpose of course !). He was just so happy that he couldn't focus on anything. He went throught weight lifting and then legs exercises without noticing the many people who accosted him. He left campus without taking note of the lustful looks around him. I think I'm happy. The talk with Kilian had freed him. He was so glad to know the force of evils failed to take his ex-boyfriend. Anyhow, he finally went to work. As soon as he arrived, Judy came to him.

"Oh god Liam here you are ! I was so worried !" she shouted.

He blinked, not sure to have heard right. (Not that he often didn't heard people or anything...). What was she worried about ? Did he forget something important ? Something life-saving ? Maybe the aliens were gonna attack soon ?

"Liam focus ! I'm trying to have a conversation here !"

Judy clicked her fingers right under his eyes, breaking his thoughts.

"Are you alright ? Did someone do something to you ?"

"What ? No." he replied, surprised. "Why ?"

She frowned.

"Are you and Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey still a couple ?" she eventually asked.

Liam blushed. I think I'm supposed to keep it a secret but... He could trust Judy, right ?

"We are." he replied. "But what is your point ?"

"Be prudent when you're not with him okay ? I never thought I would say that one day, but I think you're safer with him around. Even if I still bet he'll hurt you in the end, like he did with everyone else."

Liam nodded. Their boss was calling them. I'm not sure I understand what she meant... However, he was certain Dami wouldn't said "I love you" so lightly. I'm special to him, I'm at least sure of that.

When he arrived at their flat tonight, Nick announced Nate wasn't there. Apparently, he had left for a talk with Archibald. It reminded Liam there were still things he wanted to improve in his life. My bestfriend and my poor family situation should be my priorities. He had no doubt the unicorns would agree on this. Besides, everything was linked to the forces of evil anyway. He grabbed a slice of pie in the fridge and joined his roommate. (Of course a pie made by Dami. Now that he had tasted his boyfriend's pastries, it was very hard to eat anything else to be honest.). (Once you visited heaven, you wouldn't come back, right ?).

"I can tell he's doing better." said Nick while staring at the screen of his console. "But I also can tell he went through something very disturbing. What do you think they're talking about so often ?"

"I don't know." admitted Liam. "But Dami assured me Archibald was a good guy so I trust him."

Of course, the chestnut lad wanted to help. And yes, I want to know what happened. (Curiosity is not a sin). (Glutonny is, but Liam didn't think much about it).

"Yeah well, until now we can say whatever he's doing is working." agreed Nick. "You should go to sleep... Wait, are you snacking ?"

Liam took a mouthful of his pie and chewed happily.

"This is just too good." he explained.

"You were sooooo against food at the beginning of the year." laughed his roommate. "I never imagined you were such a foodie."

Well... Seems like I changed my mind.

Nicolas Monday March 11 – Tuesday March 12

< Imagenius : yo what's up ? >

< TheSavior : long story short it sucked. I m better looking at my screen and playin'. Wht abut you pal ? >

< Imagenius : long story short my roommate is fuckin' loud while talkin' with her new friends. I hate people with actual life you know ? They remind me I'm a loser >

< TheSavior : won't say I know the feeling cuz I dont. >

< Imagenius : lol becuz right youre so popular >

< TheSavior : at least i hav friends outside a lame chat bruh >

< Imagenius : bruh >

< Abeautifulwomen : guys I do to. >

< Imagenius : as if a man who claims to be a girl could. Anyway Sav can you send us another pic of  this cute roommate of yours ? Pretty please ? >

< Abeautifulwomen : Same. But hey Ima are ya gay ? >

< Imagenius : Joker ? >

< TheSavior : need 2g. I'll turn the chat off. I don't hav any another pic >

* Abeautifulwoman is offline *

* Imagenius is offline *

* TheSavior is offline *

Nick sighed and looked at the clock. Almost midnight. Nice. I can still play. He slowly stood up and headed to the kitchen. First of all, he needed supplies. The raven-haired boy opened the fridge and grabbed a slice of pie and a beer. Two beers. He knew Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey had cooked it for Liam but whatever. His friend wouldn't mind. Nick came back to his room and turned his console on. A sligh whine came from his roommate's bedroom. Nate was having a nightmare again, he guessed. It was happening every other day. Not like if I could just ask what's wrong. If he doesn't talk to Liam, he won't talk to me. The lad drank his beer and started to play. He was good at it at least. He finished the level rather quickly, only to notice he had already ate the pie and emptied the beers. Again, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. Not that he was hungry, but he liked to play while chewing something. This time, he opted for ice cream. And beer of course. Then, he took his playing up again. One hour later, he was done with two more level. And he had devoured the ice cream. So once more, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. No wonder I'm fat. He put his snacks on the counter and patted his belly. When he had entered college he had been a twig. But the sudden freedom allowed him to indulge without his parents constant nagging. Maybe he had enjoyed it a bit too much. When he had come back at home for the christmas holidays they weren't very happy about his changes. Himself had been surprised to discover he had already hit the freshman 15. Now this limit was beyond him. I checked when we came back from France. I weight 89 kg (196 pounds) now. Almost 200. Nick shrugged. He didn't really care. He took his snack and continued to play.

The next morning, he got ready quickly. Unlike Liam, he wasn't dozy on the morning. Well, Liam was dozy all the time so bad comparison. They left together for the first lecture. When they arrived, the first thing Nick noticed was Barbara. The girl hated him for some absurd reason. She was so obnoxious. Then, he glimpsed Rebecca. Another one he couldn't understand at all.

"And to think I've been interested in her..." he mumbled.

Liam didn't hear him. That was the good thing with this dude. I could've been screaming, he wouldn't notice. They joined Colton who greeted them warmly. Nick turned on his gameboy but he wasn't paying attention to the screen. He knew the game by heart since middleschool anyway. Instead, he looked at his friends. He often did that without them noticing. Everyone assumed he was just another nerd but he was an observant nerd. Their trip in France had took a toll on Liam waistline aswell. If I'm looking closely enough, I'm sure even Colton's ever slim frame must've softened a bit. Nick was pretty sure this one would lost it in one day or two. As for his dreamy roommate... I think he will keep it on purpose. He seems to like it. Well, both of them were handsome anyway. The raven-haired boy didn't have this luck. He heard someone laugh behind him. The person whispered something about pokemon being a lame game. Another talked about his little bathing in the Seine. Not a day I want to remember. Seriously, classes were so boring...

Noon eventually came. Nick hit the buffet of the cafeteria like a ravenous beast. He needed his daily amount of junkfood to functiun properly.

"What do you think about the math assignment ?" asked Colton. "Shall we work on it tonight ?"

"I finished it already." he revealed. "But I'm sure Liam would be glad to do it with you."

Of course, his roommate wasn't listening. He was looking away while munching on home-made cookies. And new thing, he was crooning. I know some very weird people but they can't hold a candle to him. Nick discreetly kicked him under the table.

"Uh... What ?"

"Welcome back to earth." he said. "Colton wanted to ask you something."

Nick didn't listen to their conservation. He had glimpsed Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey in the crowd. Another strange dude. Since I came here, I met too many real character. He looks pissed. I mean, more than usual. He was talking to a girl. Well, probably insulting the girl to be fair.

"... Swimming tonight ?"

The raven-haired lad turned his attention towards Colton.

"No thanks." he replied when he had guessed the question. "I'm not very... at ease when there are so many people watching me."

His friend smiled.

"Of course."

* TheSavior is online *

* Abeautifulwomen is online *

* Imagenius is online *

< Imagenius : yo ! Day was booooring. How was yours ? >

< TheSavior : Same as usual. Couldn't wait to be back in my flat >

< Abeautifulwomen : Mine was fine. I don't actually leav my flat. Lucky me ! >

< Imagenius : Btw guys there is something up in my college. I heard ppl sayin a big hunt started. Don't know what that meant but they were very excited. Apparently, the prey is one of a kind ! >

< Abeautifulwomen : Funny. Do you think they hunt human ? >

< TheSavior : I'm sure they're talkin abut a treasure hunt or smthg. We shuld play. >

< Imagenius : Nah Sav it was about a real person. They want him but idk why. Maybe he did something wrong. Beauty yu didnt hear anythg from your boss friend ? >

< Abeautifulwomen : He doesnt control every college in the country duh. Last time he called he was very very very very very angry :3 I got a dick pick thanks to that ! >

< Imagenius : You really are gay. >

< Abeautifulwomen : I told yu im a girl >

< TheSavior : Come play and stop the chichat. Wdc abut a fke hunt nor ur fke dick pick >

< Imagenius : Aye sir >

< Abeautifulwomen : Aye sir >

To be continued

Tadaa. Something is going on in the community, but what could it be ?! I can only tell you Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey will have a lot of work to do. Liam is in a happy bubble, but you know me, it won’t last long.

And welcome Nick. He has been a steady presence in the background since the beginning, so he earned his own pov. He’s on a group chat with two other people... Maybe you’ll be able to guess who they are ;)