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uter-us · 7 months

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So, this is going to be long but I have a couple of questions and you are so eloquent Ive been waiting to find a radblr as level headed to come to abt this. Essentially in the more recent past I engaged with sex and sexual content for for lack of better explanation just sexual issues from childhood and whatnot and I have been trying so incredibly hard to disengage from anything like those bdsm type situations and relationships. I stopped watching porn, even softcore gif type of stuff and I completely stopped shaving a little over a year ago to distance myself entirely from the sort of young girl fetish. But, no matter what I say or how logical I phrase it (or having actually experienced this dynamic with a man) my friends seem to think things like CNC and other bdsm kinks are okay and help people cope. Which I also thought until I acted on it with men and I realized I was dealing with very sick people who got off on my fear and pain and WILL violate trust in small ways until they're too big to ignore. And what can you do but endure what you've been begging for and participating in? I try and negate the blame because I was young (and sidenote: from the age of 11 or so constantly seeing porn and anime hentai and just weird sexual things so easy to find I feel like I almost never had a chance with my predispositions, but still I chose to engage and so many positivity posts for like ddlg and shit like that were EVERYWHERE when I was a teen, most girls I knew saying they are making OFs as soon as they graduate and just no escape of sex in that way) and inexperienced and a heavy alcoholic along with experimenting with drugs for the first time in my life but I'm still sickened by myself. And the worst part was that I did chose it, and sometimes wanted to go farther than I could handle just out of my own intense self destructiveness and trying to awaken memories I had locked away as a sort of control over my mind but all I did was have new memories to lock away and three years of finding myself and fighting so hard to stop drinking about it. I just want to get through to them so they don't go through the same hurt that I did, especially because a friend I'm thinking of specifically went through much more horrific sexual traumas than I and I don't want her to be lost in it a new kind. Do you have any suggestions? Or even articles or reading that I could show her? I try to pepper in screenshots of radfem posts I see acknowledging it but she is very very Barbie movie liberal feminist. Idk. I just don't want her to go through the guilt and the shame and the horror anew after what she's been through after I did and i don't want her to think I'm attacking her because I know I sometimes come across as aggressive when I'm feeling passionate. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like when I make a very valid point trying to be as neutral emotionally as I can it always comes back to "people can cope however they want" and I know this is kinda repetitive lol but like yeah they can. But you're digging your own emotional grave and I know because I've done that already!!! I feel like a crazed hag yelling on top of a soap box on the roadside when I just want these young women to understand that you don't gain power by throwing yours in the toilet!!!

Thank u reading if u take the time I know this is kind of heavy but I would really appreciate feedback if u feel up to it 💛

hey I'm glad you reached out. everything you said sounds and is incredibly distressing. I can empathize with a lot of what you said; I think we've had similar experiences, and also have similar fears for our friends. you're a really kind person to want to look our for your friends, and I'd definitely like to be able to help you as best i can. I want to preface this though by (and I'm sure you've heard this before but I'll never stop saying it!!) you're not to blame, and you should never feel "sickened by yourself" :( these types of things are awful and complicated, but the fault here is never yours. ♡

suggestions on explaining

sometimes it's easier to instead of sending your friends all of the links, to maybe space it out a bit and (in whatever words you'd use,) be like "hey look what I've been reading" and maybe send the link, and (something I've done is) take maybe 1-2 screenshots of the most important parts of the article, and then also use a highlight tool to mark out 1-3 phrases from each screenshot. ideally, they'd just read the full article (and depending on how your friends are they might!) but at least this way you can ensure they won't zone out on really integral parts, and/or this way they can read the integral parts twice yk? this is j a suggestion on how to give the information, but you can give it however is best for your friends to get it!

i also understand that you've had these experiences, and I don't know if it was hard or easy to come to terms w the reality of bdsm/ddlg/cnc/etc, but for some people its especially difficult. i dont know if your friends have engaged in these things (or if youre aware they have), but "sex positivity" and "don't kink shame" is (as I'm sure you're well aware!) such a huge part of libfem ideology :/ it sucks because that makes it very hard to unlearn. and so, if any of these people you're talking to have had these types of experiences, that could make bdsm-related stuff even harder to unlearn only because (I'm referencing the one specific friend u were talking abt), if she's set on it being a "coping mechanism," it might be like that for her (or she's thinking/justifying trying it in the future). (if that doesn't apply to her, then anyone else you discuss this w it might apply to ! at least this is how it goes ime so it depends).

additionally, depending on how libfem they are, it honestly might serve both of yall better to refer to all of this w unisex words/pronouns, only cuz if your number one goal is their safety regarding this type of thing, i think the fact that the dominant/aggressive role or cnc perpetrator is mostly male, and that the submissive/subservient role or cnc victim is generally female, is a seperate conversation. they might be more open to it that way, but use your best judgement! (once they better understand, a follow up topic could be about why the same group of majority rapists irl (aka males) is the same group of majority cnc rapists in fantasies (aka males), but thats typically a seperate conversation)

OF/porn part

okay so first to tackle the OF part. i know it was brief, but here are j some links j incase + some bdsm stuff but specific to porn

OnlyFans Is Not a Safe Platform for ‘Sex Work.’ It’s a Pimp.

OnlyFans is an experiment in mass grooming

OnlyFans is sex work and pornography — stop calling it ‘empowering’

OnlyFans is just another pimp-led pyramid scheme

"ethical" porn / trafficking personal experience (the "Consider Before Consuming" series is very informative, but a lot is graphic so be prepared)

Ex-Porn Performer Describes What BDSM and Abuse Porn Is Really Like

How Porn Played a Role In My Childhood Sexual Abuse || Barbi’s Story

Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star

What Led Me Into the Mainstream Porn Industry || Alia’s Story

bdsm - suggestions for explaining

now for the bdsm stuff. so for starters, something i hear 24/7 abt ddlg/cnc/etc related stuff is "its just a fantasy!" and i think an easy work around for that is j conceding that its a fantasy, and referring to them as "fantasies." i see a lot of feminists focus (imo) too much time trying to prove they arent just fantasies (and i get that in some scenarios which i will get to in a minute), but generally its just irrelevant. if someone was fantasizing about killing people, we would ofc be concerned. EVEN if that person never went on to kill anyone, it should STILL be of concern (including if they were getting aroused by the violence!). similarly to if someone was fantasizing about having sex w a daughter/kid figure or raping someone, we should be concerned. like if im against people pretending to rape others, and someone says "its just a fantasy," that is a worthless statement because i am literally against that too. i am anti rape fantasy too yk?

also if calling them "fantasies" doesn't feel right, you could also call them "situations they enact" or "situations they pretend to do," and you can even tag on at the end a "that they get aroused from." Depending on the context though, "fantasies" might actually do a disservice in that the term usually implies its just in the persons head, as opposed to something they are actively pretending to do to/with someone.

choking / strangulation

so for example, this work around goes out the window when the "fantasies" arent roles being played, and are instead actions like (the unfortunately common) "choking" or "breathplay" aka strangulation. it would be ridiculous to call this a fantasy or pretend when someone is legitimately blocking your airway and blood to your brain. "we cant consent to this" is a UK based group that (i believe?) started in opposition to the rough sex defense. i like this website because they have ample anecdotes (which the personal aspect can be more convincing for some), as well as actual information and statistics which shows the patterns of abuse. (theres more pages worth reading than j those 2 fyi!!)

this is actually another suggestion for explaining, but (especially for choking) its SO normalized that one of your friends might have even tried it on someone else, or (whats more likely still) one of their partners (specifcally bfs) could have done it to them. im saying this because its important that however you say it, its probably in yalls best interest to make it less of a moral judgement, and more like a "some people dont know this -- even the ones doing it -- but choking is actually dangerous!". if shes had a previous bf who she loved or even just liked, i imagine it would feel so hurtful so hear that what he's done is misogynistic or sadistic. i think something important ive had to learn and apply in my own life is gauging when to be more heavy on the feminist part, and when to be more heavy on the safety part, yk? like i remind myself when i have these conversations irl that some if not most of the time, my goal is to make sure the woman/girl understands why its unsafe and not necessarily why its sexist. (obviously use your best judgement on your friends because for some it IS best to talk abt the misogyny too! it just depends ofc)

CNC and DDLG

okay next. the way this woman explains cnc is well done. i think for cnc, ddlg, or other bdsm related stuff, it makes it easier for some to understand when they focus less on the person playing the victim or child, and shine the light instead on the person playing the rapist or pedo/adult or aggressor. its a real dillema that i think is best explained by this quote that ive been trying SO hard to find but i will paraphrase (and if anyone can lemme know if they know it that would be amazing), but its something like "What pro-BDSM activists require is the idea that there are thousands of men who care deeply about the issues of rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, and physical abuse, and also at the same time are aroused by it." Again i dont remember the quote exactly, but its that same sentiment. and its very true! it also forces you to ask, "why does my boyfriend get hard when i pretend to cry?" or "why does he get turned on when I say 'no'?" i think that even if you are pro- "people can cope how they want," you're still left with the scary realization that the life-long traumatic experiences of victims of DV/SA/CSA could just as easily be fantasies for others, and not just fantasies, but fantasies AS THE ABUSER.

things abusers say to intimidate, or things generally violent people say can and are the exact things people say in BDSM spaces. things victims say to escape (or don't say, like w kinks related to passing out or drugged women), or the actions both abusers and victims do, are also used in those BDSM spaces. its worth noting too that like, where are the these ideas coming from? where are they getting their material for fantasies? its sadly a collection of real experiences. sometimes w "twists," but rooted in real violence nonetheless. what came first, a rape kink or rape? the kink came from the arousal to rape. so what does it say about those two groups (cnc perpetrators and rapists) that they both do similar things, say similar things, and get off to similar things? it says something really scary and concerning, ill tell ya that. (plus they don't even have to say its the SAME thing, but the fact that its so similar isn't enough?)

additionally, where do DDLG ppl get the material/words/phrasing/etc for their fantasies? it comes from imitating children and parent conversation, and then pedo dynamics. they are aroused by pretending to talk to and then have sex w a child. the fantasy isnt something that could never happen; they are getting their fantasies from real people's experiences whether they realize it or not.

for example, i got this anonymous message like 2 weeks ago:

someone could have read that to me and told me it was someone into cnc and degredation or something, and how could i not believe it? if i had to determine if this was either a threat, or a line in someones "healthy" sex life, how would I know? despite the fact that one example of these exact words is used for aggression/malice, its scary that it could just as easily be used for arousal! both people are gaining something (power, control, arousal, pleasure) from the statement, so why would i not question ANYONE who is gaining something from that statement, EVEN when consensual.

i also think, kind of going back to the part about where cnc/ddlg/bdsm people's material is sourced (aka rooted in real rape fantasies, sometimes with "twists" or whatever but the root of it is arousal to rape), something really upsetting and sad is the fact that (for example) if someone is aroused by their gf pretending to cry and fight back in bed, if/when the bf is out and about, chances are at least at SOME POINT in his life, he will encounter a woman who was raped. and so this woman, vulnerable and retelling a moment of distress and trauma, describing her rape (or CSA or DV or torture or other experience) could and has described probably thousands of fantasies, some of which he could have participated in. people forget what a strong conditioning tool an orgasm is. do you think kinky sex with his gf wont even cross his mind, like it wont even occur to him that theyve played through this same event? sadly, of course it will. his brain has been conditioned to associate those descriptions/images/etc with sexual pleasure. thats another reason i can never get behind pro-bdsm stuff (like deny the facts now that im aware of them) cuz the stuff the abuser is imagining/pretending/etc has happened, is currently happening, and will continue to actually happen to hundreds of millions of people.

i also want to talk about your friend saying "people can cope how they want to." i think that response is misguided. id love to know where this originated because it seems so contradicting to the types of people who do say this (ime). cuz like ive seen a lot of libfems talk about mental health problems and addiction, and they are great at recognizing that sometimes things that make you feel good temporarily (like substance abuse, self harm, eating disorders), hurt you in the long run. and notice how the things i listed are also coping mechanisms? like yes people CAN cope how they want to, but we shouldnt encourage or even normalize self-destructive behavior (like the compromising and vulnerable and violent and painful scenes and roles in BDSM). imagine if someone was previously an alcoholic and is now sharing why that was so harmful for them. if someone replied "people can cope how they want to," yea thats a true statement, but that doesnt mean anything to what the person is expressing. they are saying they DID choose to cope how they wanted to, and now they are sharing how harmful that was in order to prevent others from making that same mistake

futhermore, my second point to that "let people cope how they want to" statement, would be the implication that statement suggests. the basis of the statement says that yes, there are people who engage in bdsm-related sex in order to cope with that trauma. but that implies there is also a group of people who take advantage of that in order to get aroused!

(this MIGHT be a time when its worth recognizing the sexist patterns. since female ppl make up the majority of victims of SA, and also the majority of submissive roles in bdsm, and additionally that males make up the majority of perpetrators of SA, and also the majority of dominant roles in bdsm, this could help solidify your case that patterns show what group is most likely to want that dominance/control, and who to get it from. although w this, im sure your friend might bring up "femdom" or dominatrix stuff, and you can look to this short post but if you want further explanation feel free to dm or send another ask, but regardless, thats the minority when it comes to d/s dynamics (hence why its specified its FEMdom, because the standard "dom" doesnt need to tell us its for males, but femdom needs to specify its a woman this time.))

lastly, the WDI is a generally great resource (videos like this one and this one) however I don't suggest at all sharing it w libfem friends cuz (like in both those videos) they include gender critical statements

anyway, hopefully this explanation is helpful, and i hope it goes well with your friend. i appreciate your patience as this took me a few days to get to and finish. i know i didnt cover every base, and theres a lot to be said about this topic, but i hope i sent you in the right direction.

i genuinly am hoping the best for you and your friends. you're a kind person, and I'm glad you were able to reach out. and I'm glad you're cultivating a porn and bdsm -free life! ♡ feel free to dm me anytime.

take sm care and be so safe

#radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #male socialization #not j a reblog tag

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altschmerzes · 2 years

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I'm aroace and really love your fics! (Specifically Perpetual Motion Machine which I just re-read) How have you dealt with people saying things like "it's just a phase" or "you just haven't met the right person"? Currently dealing with people not understanding my feelings :(

hey!!! thank you so much, i'm glad you enjoy them <3 i enjoy writing them an awful lot and hearing that they mean something to somebody else too is always a welcome delight.

and now for the other thing.

as to the invalidation, i wish i had something more helpful to tell you! i honestly haven't talked directly to a lot of people about being aro, at least not in irl spaces, and online when i do it's usually to people who already get it, or who are aro themselves. when i've encountered things like that - and i have, especially back in the heyday of 'ace discourse' and whatnot, which was just mass bullying and bigotry in a way a lot of people decided was socially acceptable - it's usually in the context of posts people have made in a general way, or as like. anon hate or whatever, not anything anyone i personally know has said to me.

(i did have that happen once, in an incredibly upsetting way, and it's pretty much what scared me off coming out to anyone irl for a long time. i still don't come out to many people now, but it's less because i'm afraid to (though i honestly still am) and more because i've like. decided that my identity is my business and i'm okay with most people not having that information about me.)

i wish i had better advice, or something more motivating or actionable. while that kind of direct invalidation isn't something i've dealt with on a regular basis interpersonally, i certainly know acutely well how it feels to have people, both who are close to you and who aren't, not understand your identity or how it makes you feel about things. i have had several friends who just blatantly didn't get it, and made it clear they didn't get it by the way they talked to me about relationships and romance.

and at first i just... let it go. i let them walk over me, and disregard me, and break my boundaries because i thought i, as an aro person, didn't deserve to have boundaries. this was partially because a very close friend regularly treated me like that was the case, because i wasn't queer enough to deserve boundaries around my queerness and the way people talked to me about things related to it. now, i'm more assertive about this and i don't regret it at all. when it's clear someone isn't understanding me or is wilfully misinterpreting or ignoring me, i repeat myself in a firm way, saying, 'well what i meant was x' or 'well what i actually meant when i asked that was y' and that's had success!

if people were to say things like that to me now - you just haven't met the right person, it's a phase, you'll grow out of it, etc - i think i would probably do the same thing. stick to my guns, be firm and reasonable, and make it clear by my reaction that they're behaving incredibly inappropriately. i've got a couple of stock phrases in my back pocket for that sort of thing - 'that's a rude thing to say,' 'that's a pretty disrespectful way to respond to someone talking about their identity,' 'that's none of your business,' 'what does it matter to you,' etc. it's a scary thing to say the first couple of times, but that sort of thing is a really good way to remind the person you're talking to that they're making incredibly invasive and inappropriate commentary on your orientation, which is only their business insofar as you choose to share it with them.

basically - it sucks, and it's lonely, and barring 'find some friends who get it' i wish i had something more helpful to say.

i hope it gets easier for you, anon, and i'm always around to chat about this sort of thing if there's anything i can do to help!

#gav gab #gav answers #aro blogging #arophobia cw

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thetriggeredhappy · 4 years

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Hi!! I love your work sm dude! QwQ Your Running Blind series is legitmately incredible! (It had me crying hadhs) I always get super excited whenever you talk about it or update it, Taking Shots is so creative and funny and sweet just AAGH I love it so much- It is probably my favourite fanfic in this entire fandom. If you are at all taking requests, I would like to ask if you could do an EngieSpy fic with Spy knowing exactly how to get Engie all flustered cus I think that would be cute -w- Ty!

ahgfdsj don’t mind that this took forever,,,, here’s some cheesy cheesy romance ft. a cheesy romantic

(no warnings)

Dell Conagher was a 45 year old man. He had more degrees than fingers (including the false ones) and a considerable amount of respect and acclaim in the wide majority of academic communities. And besides that, he made himself a formidable opponent in combat, taking no prisoners and becoming a tactical nightmare to deal with, able to push and direct in a way that others couldn’t do so effectively single-handedly.

So you’d think that there wasn’t much that would leave him flustered, but figures—there were people who could fluster bigshots like him just as much as there were people to fluster your average Joe. Maybe he should consider it a humbling experience, but he was plenty humble already.

What he hated was that it was so predictable of him, the things that made him blush. Nothing unusual—some of the other members of the team had initially assumed from his accent and general demeanor that surely he would balk and blush at more risqué jokes and shenanigans, but he could swear and chuckle just as much as the rest of them. And while he occasionally got fired up over things, he didn’t tend to get hot when he got angry so much as stern and then very much cold.

No, what got him to stammer and make a damn fool of himself was just the thing that not many people had the guts to do to him over the course of his life—goopy, sappy, extremely romantic displays.

Just his luck that he’d fall for a Frenchman.

Part of what got him so flustered—and therefore more frustrated with himself—was the fact that he was smart enough to figure out that it probably took an awful lot of work to do the things Spy did for him. He didn’t know of a good florist in a hundred mile radius of their base, and Spy had ranted about it enough that he’d also gathered there were no particularly good wineries around either. And you probably had to take a class to get as good as Spy at decoration and whatnot, surely, and cooking too. Setting a whole table and room and making a romantic dinner with wine older than his grandad with a whole bouquet as a centerpiece, well, it must’ve taken Spy all day, or, or maybe even weeks of planning and plotting and scheming—

And he tried to dissuade Spy from going to all that trouble, every time he pulled off some stunt like that. Shook his head and called him a sentimental old fool. But it never made Spy’s grin budge, maybe because Spy could tell the comment reflected right back onto the Engineer too. And he didn’t let up.

Instead he walked straight up to the Engineer and took his right hand, bending at the waist and lifting his hand to lay a brief but meaningful kiss on his knuckles, and already Dell was flushing, even before Spy got to the verbal part of his greeting. “Hello, mon cher Monsieur Conagher,” he said, smirking a little.

“I can’t feel that, you know,” he reminded, keeping his voice level and glancing between his gloved hand and Spy’s face.

“Oh? I’d disagree,” Spy purred, and guided him a half step forward before kissing each knuckle in turn one more time in succession. “I’d say you must be feeling something, at least.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, brows furrowing just a touch.

“Why else would you be so red?” Spy teased, the slightest further uptick at the corner of his mouth, and the Engineer huffed, pulling back his hand and looking away.

“Hush, you,” he muttered, flustered, moreso as that just made Spy laugh.

“Mon cher, don’t tell me this makes you embarrassed,” Spy said, looking well amused by the idea.

“Well, you’re the one making a damn fool of the both of us, right where anyone on the team could see,” Dell pointed out.

Spy raised an eyebrow. “Is this your way of asking me to stop?” he asked.

“Well—yes! It is!” he said, even though a significant portion of him immediately protested.

“Understood,” Spy said, and the word was tailed by a little grin that told him he’d just gotten himself waist-deep in some new kind of trouble.

He waited for the kicker, when Spy did immediately stop with the showy displays of affection and admiration. The punchline ended up showing up relatively quickly in the form of a bouquet in a vase there on a workbench right in the middle of his workshop, unannounced and unprompted, without even a note. But he knew who it was from, even if he had no idea when Spy snuck past his security—or how long Spy had known how to sneak past his security.

And after that first gift, he found others cropping up in similar fashions for a while—most often flowers, and occasionally wine, chocolate, other luxury goods he’d never buy for himself but couldn’t help but be delighted by when he received them as a gift, especially from his lover. They appeared occasionally in his workshop, or sometimes beside the coffee maker (presumably because he tended to be the first one there, the first one awake in the morning). And the one thing he could count himself being lucky about was the fact that Spy didn’t seem to be there to catch how it made him blush, every single time.

He tried to bring it up, when he and Spy were together, and Spy perfectly feigned ignorance and misunderstanding, as well as confusion and amusement. He stopped bringing it up, knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere.

And then one day, for reasons he didn’t understand, the gifts shifted. He still got roses and flowers, usually just in time to replace the previous bouquet in the vase that had made a home in his workshop (although moved somewhere they would be less of a fire hazard). But less often did he get the wine and chocolates and similar classic romantic fare. Instead he found, occasionally, that he would glance up from his work in the workshop at the clock on the wall, and he would realize he’d worked straight through dinner again, and he’d curse his iron-clad focus for a moment before his eyes fell to the counter below the clock to land on a plate containing a full and well-rounded meal, covered in plastic so as to protect it from sawdust or similar mess.

He found that, suddenly and for reasons he couldn’t immediately explain, he tended to have leftovers waiting, labeled with his name, in the fridge despite him not having put them there. He found the shirt he’d discarded as a lost cause after a bad tear washed and stitched cleanly and sitting on top of his pile of clean laundry. He found a spare set of new laces just when he started to wonder if the ones in his boots needed replacing, and his supply of water bottles he kept near his station to stave off dehydration mysteriously never getting any emptier.

And for some reason that flustered him all the more, because flowers and wine and kisses on the back of the hand were nice, were a lovely display to think of and accomplish. But to be thinking of him so often, to notice such tiny details and to keep on top of them and to fix them—without even saying anything, at that! To notice those things meant that Spy was thinking of him so much more than he expected, than he’d ever feel right expecting, was more than he could ever ask from any partner and it just...

He found himself bringing it up one day, chest filled to the bursting and needing somewhere for it to go. He and Spy were sitting together in the smoking room, and Spy had some album playing—worn enough by then that Dell could just barely understand it well enough to parse out that it wasn’t English. Whatever it was, it was low and soothing and non-distracting and filled the room just as much as the warmth of the fire and the lingering smell of exotic spices from some point in the past.

Stronger was the smell of Spy’s cologne, though, there sat next to him, warm against his shoulder. He couldn’t tell much about what it was that Spy was reading, just that it looked to be a play of some kind based on the spacing of phrases, and that it was in Russian. He was sure his own reading was probably significantly less interesting, just being the order form for the next month’s shipment of parts that he needed to parse through.

Easy to get distracted from, was a way he could refer to it. Easy to stop thinking about it and to instead think about the man leaning against him.

“Spy?” he asked softly.

“Hm?” Spy hummed, looking up from his book.

“Why do you keep doing things for me?”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Spy smirked.

“I’m being serious,” Dell said, voice still quiet.

Spy’s expression didn’t so much fall as it did relax. “Are you?” he asked. “Isn’t it obvious?”

When Dell just frowned, Spy deigned to elaborate.

“I do these things because I care about you, mon cher,” he said simply. “To make you happy, because I want you to be happy, because I care about you and you deserve to be happy. If I’m not doing a good job, correct me so I can do better.”

“It’s not that,” he said quickly, and hesitated. “I just, I don’t understand—“

“—What, why I care? Why you deserve to be happy?” he asked outright, and maybe that was it. Maybe that really was all. And maybe it showed on his face. “Laborer, have you considered that your reluctance to accept my gifts and acts of appreciation are because you’re uncomfortable with the idea of someone holding you to such high value in such a real and tangible way?”

“I—I don’t—that’s—“ he stammered, face going red.

“That perhaps others caring about and valuing you has been either a distant dream or something you imagined to be a reality because you needed the morale to get through the day, and now your mind and emotions are significantly freed up and you don’t quite know what to do with yourself, which is something both new and intimidating for you, someone who always tries to be so in control of your own life?”

“Why the sudden psychoanalysis?” he managed, feeling more than a little bit tense.

“Because I have a feeling you intended for this conversation to be your asking me to not do things for you because you feel you don’t deserve them, and quite frankly I’m stubborn enough that you will never change my mind,” Spy said, and leaned in to kiss him, an ice pack on a sucker punch, startling and disorienting and...

And nice.

When Spy pulled back, he seemed to see the disorientation, and he smiled. “It’s alright that you don’t know what to do yet. It’s alright if you never know. I simply enjoy doing these things for you, as often as I can without treading on your toes or making you feel smothered.”

“You never do,” Dell assured with the part of his brain that was still functioning.

Spy kissed him on the cheek gently. “You are very sweet, Dell Conagher,” he said simply.

“Me? You’re the one who—“

“Shush,” Spy laughed, and gave him another peck. “Just accept that making you happy is what makes me happy, oui? Is that such a strange thing to ask?”

“It feels like it,” Dell admitted.

“Well, perhaps the millionth time I say it, it won’t,” Spy teased.

“You’ll say that a million times?” he asked, incredulous.

“I’ll say it as many times as you’ll tolerate. I’ll say it on the hour every day until you get entirely tired of me or die, whichever comes first—or perhaps at the exact same moment. I’ll learn every language on the planet and say it in each and every one until you can repeat it back to me fluently. Because, mon cher, I mean it, and when I mean something, there isn’t a soul on the planet who can stop me from making it absolutely clear that I mean it, not even the person I love most in the world and his ridiculous, skewed lack of ego. Do you understand?”

The Engineer kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him, and yeah, he understood. He really did. And maybe Spy was right—maybe he would believe it someday. Maybe someone that stubborn was the only type of person who could convince him.

Time would tell.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #engiespy #napoleon complex #shut up me #my fanfiction #everybody talks #this be some Gay Shit #also thank you!!

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elisaphoenix13 · 4 years

Text

Irresistible Desire

The bar was loud tonight. Quill was out with some work buddies and they were all still wearing their station shirts which had attracted quite a few women to their table in the first hour they were there. A couple of the guys ended up with a lady in their laps but still laughed when Quill turned every single one away watching them leave with a pout. It was what brought up the next question from Wolfe.

"How come we haven't met your boy toy yet?"

Quill huffs. "Because you call him my boy toy."

"Am I wrong?" Wolfe cackles and Quill throws a wadded up napkin at him. "What?! You're always mooning over him and telling us how pretty he is. Have you ever heard the phrase 'Love is blind'?"

Smith points to Wolfe as he looks at Quill. "He has a point. He could be ugly for all we know."

"Smith, even a straight playboy like you would be jealous." Quill smirks and takes a swig of his beer.

The guys laugh when Smith scoffs something along the lines of 'fat chance' and they order another round of beers as they laugh amongst themselves. The subject changed from Quill's spouse to embarrassing stories that the celestial unfortunately had one or two of already, one of them the others didn't consider embarrassing though. They had the garage open while working on the trucks when a couple of girls came by asking for help with their car. They had a flat tire so Quill offered his help and lifted the car to place the jack…

"...and his shirt rips clean off!" Sanchez recounts the story loudly to the girls and other patrons that stood around their table. "Quill ended up tossing the shirt and helping these chicks with their car, and they were drooling the entire time!"

"Okay asshole," Quill starts. "How about when you stuck a metal fork in the toaster?! I'm awful in the kitchen and even I know not to do that!"

Sanchez blushes. "I watched you burn water!"

"At least I own up to my faults." Quill grins.

"I'm just glad you have one." Wolfe says.

Quill laughs and takes another swig of his beer, stopping when he looks across the room at the bar. Directly in his line of sight was an ass perfectly clad in jeans that hugged every bit of said ass and legs, and Quill set his bottle down with a smug grin. The figure was bent over the bar with a beer bottle in hand, and everything out on display for Quill's viewing pleasure. Smith had noticed his change of focus and followed his gaze to the figure at the bar before looking back at the god with a raised brow.

"Uh...Quill? What happened to being happily married?"

"I can still look." Quill smiles and sits up a little before calling out, "Hey baby, did you sit in sugar? Because you got a sweet ass!"

Everyone at the table looks at Quill in bewilderment when he starts using terrible pick up lines, and Smith hits his arm. He says something about how he was taking his looking too far, but the god ignored him and smiled when the figure didn't even turn. Fine, he would play this game.

"Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that ass is calling!" Quill calls again and snickers when the figure finally straightens.

"What the fuck Quill!" Sanchez hisses.

"Relax. It's harmless flirting." Quill says with a wave to his friend.

By now everyone was watching curiously.

"Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit!" Quill says loudly and half the people around him groan.

But it did the trick. The figure turned to look at him and honey gold eyes settled on the firefighter before the man grabbed his beer and slowly made his way over. Once the focus of Quill's attention and catcalling stops at their table, the celestial gives him a lopsided smile.

"How about you take a seat? My lap's open." Quill says, ignoring the judgemental look he's getting from Wolfe as the man smiles and rounds the table to slide into his lap.

"Will you stop with the awful pick up lines now?" The man asks.

Quill sighs dramatically and wraps a muscle thick arm around his waist. "I guess."

He picks up his beer and takes another swig as his fellow firefighters gape at him. When Wolfe dives for the god's cell phone, Quill doesn't even try to stop him.

"This is uncool. I'm calling your boy."

Quill shrugs. "Fine. See if I care."

Wolfe scowls and unlocks Quill's phone and looks through it, finally finding Scott's number and hitting the call button. A few moments later, the man reaches back into his back pocket after lifting his hips and pulls out his phone. He turns the screen toward the table to show Quill's contact photo showing as his phone rings, and Wolfe ends the call as he and everyone else gape. It had Scott and Quill bursting into hysterics.

When Quill finally calmed down enough, he motioned toward the younger male in his lap. "Guys, this is Scott, my better half. Scott, those three are my work buddies. Everyone else is just good company."

"Damn, you really are pretty for a guy." Smith finally says.

Sanchez studies Scott. "You look pretty young. What are you? Twenty-five?"

"Add ten years." Scott says with a smile and drinks some of his own beer.

"What the hell?! What's your secret?!" Sanchez gawks.

"Sex." Scott answers casually and Quill chokes on his next swig of beer.

It wasn't a lot, but Quill never expected Scott to admit it so bluntly. While his husband was definitely the bearer of their combined remaining shame, saying that was a surprise. It was usually Quill before getting hit by Scott for sharing. He supposed he was becoming a bad influence on him.

The other firefighters only laughed and fell into easy conversation, Scott of course telling even more embarrassing stories about Quill that happened at home. One was about their newest family member. Quill was wondering in the back of his mind who was keeping an eye on him, and he figured it was probably Cassie. Flynn couldn't be left alone by himself, otherwise they would come home to a trashed floor as well as a screaming fox.

There were already plenty of stories with Flynn. Like the time after Quill first went to work after bringing him home. The kit was so excited to see him when he got home that he jumped up to climb the celestial, but he hadn't jumped high (or low) enough...and ended up headbutting Quill right in his family jewels.

It was already a running joke that a Celestial could be brought to his knees by a baby fox.

Quill was already covering his face from the first story and the raucous laughter that followed and Scott was starting a second story. Specifically the one about the sliding glass door to the balcony on the family floor. Quill had been talking to Sam and they were standing by the doors. He went to lean against the door, but instead just completely fell over, not realizing the door had been open.

Sam still gives him shit about it. Whenever anyone opens the sliding glass door, he turns to find Quill and loudly announces 'The balcony door is open Spacecase! Be careful!' to which the god always flips him off.

Thankfully, Spacecase is a nickname that could easily be interpreted as Airhead, so no one questioned it when Scott said it. They were too busy laughing like retarded seals anyway.

"Hey, you gonna air out all my dirty laundry to these assholes?" Quill complains as he holds Scott closer.

The younger grins. "Laundry! That's another story!" Scott ignores Quill's groan as he lays his forehead on his spouse's shoulder. "His first attempt at laundry ended in a miracle. His second attempt? He put in too much soap so our laundry room was filled with bubbles! Tony laughed his ass off and Flynn had fun." Scott grins.

Smith raises an eyebrow. "Who does your laundry Quill?"

Quill clears his throat with a blush. "Our daughter. Sometimes Scott when he's not busy."

"Cooks?"

"Same." Quill mumbles.

"If you can't cook or do laundry, what the hell do you do?" Wolfe asks.

The Celestial's heart squeezes in his chest. That was a good question. He was a disaster when it came to household chores and whatnot. Sure, he brought in a little bit of money now that he was one of two Captains (he moved up in rank pretty quickly because of his strength and abilities), but was that all he did? Helping move furniture around (or lifting it) so Cassie could vacuum sounded kind of lame, and he couldn't say he regularly fucked his husband into the mattress.

"He protects us." Scott says. "Not just me and Cassie but the rest of us."

"Babe." Quill warns and the younger turns his head to look at him.

"They deserve to know. You're responsible for them now."

Quill deflates. Scott was right. It was one thing when he was a run of the mill firefighter, but now he was their captain. There had already been times when he did something that had them curious, and it was starting to get harder and harder to spin a story about why he was so freakishly strong. So with a nod, he closes the table's tab and has the other three men follow him somewhere out of public eyes (the girls with Smith and Sanchez pouted when they left), and then turns to look at them.

"You guys already know I'm an Avenger." Quill starts and they nod.

"Yeah. You still haven't told us your special abilities or whatever." Sanchez gripes.

"In a way I'm on par with Thor." The god explains. "Just...don't freak out."

After a deep breath, Quill wills his light into his hands, and the three men swear quietly and take a step back, before looking at their captain. To Quill's relief, there wasn't fear, but rather there was excitement and surprise instead.

"You're the Living Beacon?!" Smith sputters and Quill gives him a look.

"The WHAT?! What the fuck kind of name is that?!" Scott snickers from behind him. "It's Starlord, alright?!"

"Okay, okay." Wolfe says. "So what's your story?"

"I was born with these powers. I'm what's called a Celestial. A god."

Sanchez gives him a look. "A god? Like Thor and Loki?"

"They're not gods. That's just what Loki calls them whenever he decides to have a power trip. They can die. I can't. At least not unless you find my core...which I have hidden."

"Well that explains a lot." Smith muses. "I thought I saw your eyes glow last week."

Quill nods. "Yeah, that's my Gaze. It lets me look in on Scott and the girls. I'm still expanding that. I can heal myself and others, you've obviously seen my powers on the news or something...and what Scott said his secret was…it's true."

His three friends stare at him for all of ten seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter.

"Your dick is the literal fountain of youth!" Sanchez cackles.

Quill rolls his eyes. "Alright, alright. Get it out of your system."

He instantly regretted saying that. The three men got out all of the insinuations and innuendos they could think of at the time and it was surprisingly quite a few. While they laughed, Quill's phone started to ring and he answered it and held it up to his ear…

...only to quickly pull it away and wince. There was screaming on the other end, and Quill knew it well enough to know that it was not human. In fact, it was Flynn. He was probably starting to notice that Quill didn't come home at his usual time and was kicking up a fuss.

"Papa...please come home. He's been like this for the past twenty minutes and nothing is helping." Cassie complains.

"We'll be home soon Sunshine. Try giving him one of my shirts?"

"I tried. He actually glared at me and got louder."

Quill chuckles. "Hang in there for a few more minutes." He hangs up and looks at his work buddies who had finally calmed down. At least enough. "We have to go home. My kit is throwing a tantrum."

"Sure. See you in a couple of days." Wolfe says as he snickers. "Try not to infantize your husband in the meantime."

They burst into hysterics again as Quill walks away with an arm around Scott's shoulders, and holds up his other hand to flip them off. They got home within twenty minutes, and Flynn almost instantly quieted when Quill stepped off the elevator.

The little shit ended up bringing Quill to his knees again though.

#antlord #peter quill #scott lang #celestial quill #celestialfamily #cassie lang #mama bear au

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inkslingerharry · 5 years

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this is another rant about my friend who i recently made a post about bc sometimes he does stuff and my petty self needs to vent about it

i went to start this off by saying that i genuinely do enjoy talking to and spending time with this friend, he just happens to do stuff that i find weird or he acts a certain way and it bothers me. again, he really is my friend, i do care about him, but every single person does something that we’re annoyed by lol

so a lot of the time whenever i ask him how he’s doing he responds with “i’m not sure yet” or “i don’t know” ya know something along those lines. well one time he said that and THEN he texts me “i don’t mean to change the topic, but [one of our other friends] isn’t feeling good and it would be good for you to reach out to her. i’m not trying to deflect my own issues but i don’t want her feeling poorly either” and i was like uhhhh ok like thanks for telling me and then he said “i know how i feel now. i feel fucking awful” and i was like oh uh why is that and he SAID “I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don’t like when my friends feel bad and the same for when I can’t do anything to help them” (that is 100% word for word i literally copied and pasted it) and i was like...... dude... i said something like “well like you said you can’t help it so i wouldn’t feel this bad about it, especially when people just need bad days” then he quickly changed the subject lskdjfa

and he changed it by asking what i was up to so i was like “just watching videos” and he was like “what videos?” like... we are just not on that level of me being like “here’s an exact title of video i’ve been watching” you know so i told him “just some youtube videos, not much” and THEN he says “Alright, I get it, I’ll take the hint, have your privacy.” like......... i literally put down my phone and sighed like i’m SORRY i didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you i was watching “NYC cycling incidents compilation 6″ like idk what to tell you!!!!!!!!! and he’s done this before like he asked me what songs i’ve been listening to lately and i said something like “oh some new stuff i’ve found recently! stuff that i don’t really listen to tbh” and he was like “like what songs?” like...... normally i’m very happy sharing what music i’ve been listening to but!! (this will be another paragraph so i’m sorry) considering he doesn’t listen to the music i already recommend him i don’t understand why he cares!! and why does he need exact titles omg

okay this one has a death tw!!!!! so both him and i are ~mentally ill~ and we can relate on a lot of things that deal with that!! but sometimes... he takes it.. too far lol he jokes about death quite a bit and not in the typical sense like ‘omg i’m gonna die’ like... ‘i chose a history major bc if i can’t find a job to pay for everything i need to live i can just die slowly’ and it’s always super morbid and weird and kinda makes me uncomfortable especially bc he also jokes about my death :))))))) haha yeah!! fun!! like i told him that it sucks working but i kinda have to do it bc.. money!! it’s needed to survive!! and he went “Naw only if you plan to survive for any real length of time, death is cheap” and he always jokes about me dropping out of college and just making small jokes about me dying which isn’t the biggest deal for me personally but it’s also like... why are you saying that to your friend who has mental illnesses luv lol

he’s also lowkey stubborn? like sometimes when he’s not feeling well i suggest some activities to do as distractions and he shoots them all down so fast like i’ll suggest painting and he’s like “i can’t do that bc i have high standards for my painting and i know it’s going to be bad and i know i shouldn’t feel that way but i do” so i’m like... ok.... reading? and he comes up with another excuse and i’m like omg ok so taking a walk? and he has ANOTHER excuse so i’m like ok i understand wanting to sulk in your sadness but you have said that you wanted to get better but if you purposely do nothing about it why are you complaining about it to me :/

it’s also awkward holding a conversation with him bc he texts weirdly like... i’ve been making it more my language in these rants but the way he texts it’s not like “omg that’s hilarious” it’s like “Let’s see, right now I am doing nothing besides texting you and a few others. I am on a couch and not very active. For tonight, I plan to eat another meal today at some point, but other than that not much. And in life in general I have no idea but I’m gonna keeping for at least another 10-20 years and see how I feel then.” (that’s another copied and pasted text) like... he uses punctuation very carefully which puts me off and he phrases everything weirdly!!! and he says he wants to have a conversation with me when it’s good with his schedule and his “conversations” are just him interviewing me lol like he asks my favorite shows, movies, colors, books, but it doesn’t flow naturally, it’s just him going “what are your favorite movies?” and i answer and he goes “what is your favorite color?” like why are you interviewing me lol

okay about the music thing when i first met this friend he listened to ONE BAND..... ONE. when i asked him why he gave me a bullshit answer and he knows some classic, older songs, but VERY little. like idk why he didn’t know basic songs that are on everyone’s “classic hits” playlist SO i was like holy shit i’m making him a playlist of songs that he should know!! obviously it’s biased bc it’s songs i listen to and whatnot. i WRITE that shit out while also making it on spotify in case he makes an account or something. i make a key.. a LEGEND with different colors meaning different things i put fucking washi tape on that thing and i hand it to him and i can 100% tell he is not interested. but i give it to him anyway and WEEKS later (like over a month later) i ask him how much he has listened to and he said he didn’t listen to ANYTHING so i’m heartbroken like that fucking sucks to make a playlist for someone, introducing them to new music that you personally love and they literally don’t give a fuck lol so i went “...oh..” and bring out my phone bc i’m 1) pissed and 2) very sad that he did this and he can totally tell that i’m upset so he’s like “well... the list is in my room but i did take a picture of it so i can start listening to it” and i was like hmm ok and lowkey ignored him well i told my friend about this and she was APPALLED she was like “omg fuck that what’s the name of it” and i renamed it to her playlist on spotify and that was the only thing she listened to for weeks on end and she constantly complimented it so i love her omg and i can 100% guarantee that he has still not listened to all of it lol oh well!!!!

#this was loooooong #long post #j friend #let me know ur thots #also again he is my friend lol #he just does some things that suck!!!

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shireness-says · 6 years

Text

The Hazards of Hot Neighbors and Stubborn Roommates

Summary: Elsa Arendelle is instantly attracted to her new neighbor. But the whole thing is complicated by her roommate's own love life. A Frozen Jewel companion piece to The Perils of Firemen and the Food Network. ~4.3K. Also on AO3.

A/N: For @kmomof4, who accidentally gave me this idea when she asked for more of The Perils of Firemen and the Food Network. Hope this lives up to the hype!

Special thanks to @awkwardnessandbaseball, my delightful beta. You’re the best.

Somehow, this turned into the most suggestive thing I’ve ever written? I don’t know. Whoops. Still no smut, but rated M.

Tagging: @aerica13, @branlovesouat, @searchingwardrobes. If anyone wants to be tagged on future stuff, shoot me a message, and I’ll start a list.

Without further ado, enjoy!

Elsa meets the dreamboat on a Tuesday evening.

(She can already hear that voice in her head that sounds an awful lot like Anna snorting ungracefully at her use of the phrase, but she stands by it.)

It’s been a long day, and she’s still loaded down with files for her to work her way through tonight. It’s research for this big case she’s working on; entirely boring, entirely necessary. Her current plan for surviving the ordeal is lots and lots of wine. Which is probably the most adult thought she’s ever had in her life.

Stepping into the elevator, she’s so ready to just hit that 4 button and go home, when she suddenly hears a commotion by the entrance. Well, maybe commotion is too strong a word. No one is being attacked, or trying to force their way into the building, or any number of other reasonable situations to use the word ‘commotion’ (God, she’s probably read too many legal briefs if this is where her mind goes). This particular commotion is one man trying to wriggle his way through the lobby doors with a stack of boxes, and all the noise that accompanies such an action.

Elsa won’t lie - she’s tired, her feet are killing her, and she’d really like to press the door close button. But she may need to have the door held for her one day, and anyway, it’s probably not the best way to start her interactions with this new neighbor. So she holds the door open button, and waits for the guy to scootch his way into the elevator.

“Thanks,” he says in a deep, accented voice, readjusting the load in his arms. “I wasn’t looking forward to holding these any longer than necessary. Five, please.”

Peering his head around as she presses the button, Elsa finally gets a good look at his face. And Lord, is she glad she does. He’s a gorgeous specimen of man - broad-shouldered and strong, with sandy curls and blue eyes she could swear were twinkling, like some kind of fairy tale prince. And his arms… Elsa is sure she’s being less than polite and gawking, but the way he’s supporting his stack of boxes perfectly displays his biceps beneath his short sleeves. Emma may tease her for having a thing for lumberjacks and mountain men, but to Elsa, there’s just something about a man who looks like he works with his hands, who has the calluses and muscles to prove it. And this man, the new tenant, is a prime example.

He offers her a sly smile - and God, even a bit smug, it’s a great smile, one that really suits his face - and Elsa frantically searches for words, flustered at having been caught staring. “Moving in?”

(Smooth. Real smooth.)

He offers her a warmer smile all the same, much to Elsa’s relief. “Aye, 5E, my brother and I just signed the lease. I’m Liam, by the way - I’d offer you a hand to shake, but…” he trails off, smile turning cheeky.

“Elsa, 4E. I suppose you’ll be our upstairs neighbor then?”

“Seems so. We’ll keep it down, I promise.”

Elsa chuckles, taking a final moment to imprint his features as the elevator doors slide open. “Well, it was very nice to meet you, Liam in 5E. I’ll see you around?” Her voice, traitor that it is, takes a turn for the hopeful at the end of her sentence, and she only hopes she doesn’t look a complete fool.

Liam doesn’t seem put off by it if she does, at least, offering a final smile before the door closes. “Aye, you will.”

(And then the door closes, and Elsa’s left to collect the rest of her scattered composure.)

------

Emma, of course, is already plopped on the couch when when Elsa slips in the front door, and immediately notices her distraction.

“What’s up with you?” Emma all but demands.

Elsa just waves her off, toeing off her suede heels in the entryway and trying her best not to make eye contact. “Don’t worry about it. Anything up with you?”

Emma, thankfully, is good enough to ignore whatever is up with her roommate, shrugging casually and digging into the microwave meal in her hands. Looks like ravioli tonight. “Nothing much. Trying to track down where this latest douchebag might turn up. Think someone’s moving in upstairs, there’s been a lot of scraping and whatnot up there.”

Elsa’s distracted flipping through the mail, which is her only excuse for why the next words slip out. “Yeah, I met one of them in the lobby. Nice guy.”

Emma’s head jerks back to attention in Elsa’s direction, a devious grin on her face that Elsa is sure Emma would resent if the tables were turned. “Oh? Is that why you seem so distracted?”

Elsa can feel seemingly all the bloody in her head rush directly to her cheeks, eliminating any chance of denying the truth of Emma’s question. Her roommate knows it too, smiling smugly before continuing her interrogation.

“It is, isn’t it? Oh, I’m going to have to meet the guy who can rattle stoic Elsa Arendelle. He’s got to be cute to get you this shaken up, right?”

Cue another rush of blood to her face. Damn her Norwegian genes, she must look like a blonde tomato at this point.

“C’mon,” Emma wheedles, apparently committed to breaking out her best Ruby Lucas impression this evening. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”

With a deep breath, Elsa finally confesses. It’s apparently the only way to please her roommate. For a woman who really hates people asking about her own love life, Emma seemingly has no qualms about meddling with Elsa’s. “Yes, he’s cute, alright? Really cute. He’s got fantastic arms and the bluest eyes. Happy?”

“Very,” Emma announces smugly, before digging back into her dinner. That’s the thing with Emma Swan - if she’s gotten the information she wants, she doesn’t see the need to ask any further. Bless her for that, in this case. Elsa isn’t in much of a mood to elaborate further.

“Good. In that case, I wanted to talk to you about maybe upgrading our cable service…”

------

It’s almost a month before Elsa sees him again - a month that she does not spend looking for him every time she enters the building, no, not at all.

When they do finally run into one another, it’s at the worst possible moment, of course, when Elsa’s on her hands and knees in the lobby trying to gather up the files she dropped. She’s muttering curses to herself, just trying to gather everything up - at least it hasn’t rained, this could be a lot worse if the floor was wet - when suddenly, there’s another hand trying to gather everything up with her. A large hand. A male hand. A large, male hand, connected to the arm of Liam in 5E.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” he teases, blue eyes twinkling. Elsa couldn’t agree more. She’d like a lot of meetings, preferably not in this lobby, and not in her work clothes, and maybe with some mood music and generally without anyone being in danger of dropping things. Except maybe their pants. In a manner of speaking.

“Oh, don’t I know it,” she manages to stutter out, fully aware that her face has become a bright red beacon. Really, damn her Norwegian pastiness.

It does, however, get him to chuckle - a deep, rich thing that sets her insides all a-flutter as they work together to pick up the last of the pages, the occasional brush of fingers only encouraging the butterflies in her stomach.

“Thanks,” she says as the both straighten up, the stack of papers returned to their folder. She’ll worry about the proper order later.

“Not a problem, lass,” he replies, “it was my pleasure. It’s not everyday I get to play the gallant knight. Coming back from work late, I take it? Unless these are your leisure clothes.”

Elsa had been deeply uncomfortable in her tight dress and heels most of the day, but honestly had all but forgotten her discomfort in the time since Liam had entered her line of sight. Glancing down again, she’s pleased to note that she’s at least no horribly wrinkled. “Oh! Yeah, I stayed later than I should dealing with some paperwork. I do have less formal clothes, I promise.”

“I suppose I’ll have to see those sometime.”

Oh my God, is he flirting with her? He’s totally flirting with her. She thinks. Elsa isn’t really all that great at this whole thing, but she’s, like, 85% sure that his words combined with the roguish smile means he’s flirting with her. Which means he might like her too? Maybe? Wow, that’s new and different.

But it’s a good different, a great one in fact, so she gathers up all her courage to say something marginally flirty back:

“Well, I’ll have to make sure of it.”

------

It’s always the evenings. Without fail, if she’s going to see Liam from 5E, it’s when she’s coming home from work in the evening.

She learns he’s a firefighter the day he walks into the elevator with her, tired and smelling of smoke. He must read the concern in her face because he waves her off with an exhausted smile before she can ask why he smells like something burning.

(“Occupational hazard, I’m afraid. We work down at the local fire station, my brother and I - I’m the captain, actually. Sometimes that means I have to be on call, or sleep at the station, and sometimes it means I come home smelling like something’s still on fire. I’ve rather gotten used to it, I’m afraid.” His tone is almost apologetic, which really concerns Elsa.

“Oh, it’s no problem! Just… a little confusing to smell when I didn’t know the rest of the story.”)

He learns about her sister in London when she’s pacing the lobby, trying to finish the call rather than lose cell signal in the elevator.

(“I’m sure she could have found a perfectly lovely job with a stateside auction house or art dealer, but Anna’s always wanted to spread her wings and see the world. And I do have to admit, the stuff she’s dealing with in London is a lot more impressive than a lot of what is dealt with on this side of the Atlantic.)

Every night they see each other, it’s harder to talk for only a short snippet of time (regardless of how slow the building’s elevator is), and eventually, Liam starts walking her to her door. It’s a little ridiculous - for Pete’s sake, she’s already in the building, there’s not a safety issue or something - but they both ignore it in favor of spending just a little more time in one another’s company.

She’s actually just left Liam walking back to the elevator when she walks in her and Emma’s apartment to discover the younger Jones also inside, and Emma herself somewhat flustered by his presence. Which is probably valid, considering it turns out he climbed in through the window in response to Emma’s poor attempts at cooking. But Emma can hold her own, and Elsa can tell this is more than just disconcertion born of the unexpected situation. No - her roommate, prone to one-night stands and an impressive avoidance of feelings, likes Killian, finds him attractive, and doesn’t know what to do with it. Elsa gently tries to prod her to talk about the encounter, but Emma is stubborn, and changes the subject to avoid the matter.

They’ll work on that.

------

It’s been over two months of this emotional standstill - waiting for the other at the elevator and long, drawn-out talks and pretending that there’s no underlying attraction - when Elsa decides she’s sick of it. She gets enough of that just watching Emma with Killian. Elsa likes Liam, a lot, and she’s practically positive he feels the same. So one evening, as he’s talking about God only knows what (something his brother did, probably - Killian always seems to provide conversation fodder with his antics), she grabs Liam by the front of his damnably tight t-shirt and forcibly hauls him close enough to plant her lips on his.

There’s a short, muffled grunt of surprise, but Liam more than willingly joins in, kissing her with an insistance that Elsa relishes. Liam may be just her type, but Elsa’s always gone for nice boys, sweet boys, boys who kiss slowly and deliberately and delicately like she’s some fragile flower or precious gift. Liam may be that nice boy - nice man - too, a man with a charming smile who listens to her like every word from her mouth is fascinating and holds elevator doors so she doesn’t have to worry about rushing, but his kiss is a far cry from that: passionate and deep and determined in a way she might almost label aggressive if she wasn’t enjoying herself so damn much.

Somehow, he’s backed her into the wall beside her door, hands on her hips and crowding somehow even closer into her space. Their lips break apart for a minute to catch a breath, but he’s far from idle, mouthing along her jawbone in a way that makes Elsa’s head tip back in appreciation, barely stifling a moan. Almost against her conscious thought, her leg in its tailored pant is rising to hitch around his own thigh and create more space for him to occupy. As his hips willingly fill that space, flush with her own, their mouths reconnect and Elsa finds herself rocking forward, and forward, and forward…

It’s only a vague awareness of her surroundings that suddenly reminds Elsa that they’re still in the fourth floor hallway, grinding on one another like a pair of horny teenagers. And she is an adult. They both are. They can’t keep doing this, no matter how much she wants to…

And in a sudden epiphany, Elsa remembers:

Emma has that stakeout tonight, and won’t be home.

After that, it only takes a moment to push Liam away (to no small protest, she’s pleased to note, pained groans and chasing lips and all) and frantically dig the keys out of her briefcase to get the damn door open. When the final bolt clicks, Elsa turns to dramatically (and hopefully seductively) lean against the door, one arm still grasping the doorknob behind her back. She never does things like this; she may as well revel in the moment while it’s here.

“I’ve got the place to myself tonight…” she says, voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. Jesus, he really did a number on her with that kiss, didn’t he?

Liam’s eyebrow quirks; whether in amusement or interest, she can’t tell, but honestly, either will work for her purposes as long as it gets him inside and onto a flat surface. Any flat surface. She’s not picky. “Is that an invitation, lass?”

“If you want it to be.”

There’s no verbal response, but Liam steps back into her space to fuse their mouths once more, reaching to clasp the doorknob along with her and finally open the door.

And really, that’s enough of an answer, in and of itself.

------

They’re lying in bed in the aftermath, sweat pooling, breaths still uneven, hearts thumping frantically, when Elsa decides to just go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Turning her head to face Liam, he looks remarkably content; sprawled in her bed naked, one of his fantastic arms tossed over his eyes and brow. She could get used to such a sight, but she’s got to make sure that that’s something he wants too. Going into this, Elsa had been confident they were on the same page, but she’s always been a girl who looks before she leaps, and diving right in without discussing things first, like they’ve done now, makes her nervous.

“So…” she begins, eliciting a muffled hum from the man beside her. “Is this something we’re going to do again, or…”

Liam snorts, his whole body heaving with the effort. “I’m going to need a little time to recuperate, lass.”

“Oh my God,” she mutters. “Not like that, smartass.” Even if her wording really did leave that response wide open.

“I know.” There’s a pause. “I suppose… well, I know this meant something to me. I’ve fancied you for quite a while, lass, it just took you practically mauling me in the hallway to do anything about it. I know we’ve done this all in a bit of a round-about fashion, but would you like to get dinner sometime?”

Even laying naked in bed, after all the activities such a thing suggests, Elsa feels a sudden wave of shyness at his earnest entreaty. Resisting the urge to curl back in on herself, she rolls over to snuggle into his side instead, revelling in the feeling of his warm arm coming to encircle her waist. Meeting his eyes, she smiles. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

It surprises her when Liam exhales a sudden sigh, seemingly in relief. At her questioning hum, he elaborates. “It seems ridiculous now, but you wouldn’t believe how nervous I was to ask you out.”

It’s Elsa’s turn to offer her own snort, before tightening her own arm more securely across his torso. “Well, I was the one doing the mauling. That should have made it fairly obvious I’d accept.”

The smile that overtakes his face at those words is breathtaking, in it’s own small and quiet way. “I’m glad to hear it,” he murmurs, forehead coming to rest against her own as his arm snakes tighter around her bare waist.

“Good.”

And then they’re kissing again. The franticness of earlier has ebbed, the passion of new discovery subsiding into something more languid and sensuous. Neither of them are ready for another round (though God, does she want one later), but it’s an enjoyable occupation, and a fitting seal to their brief discussion.

It’s with a small reluctance that Elsa pulls away some minutes later, but there’s always the reassurance that they can pick up again. There’s an issue that needs addressing, though, and she’d rather deal with it now when they’re both happy and basking in that new relationship glow (okay, the post-sex glow too).

“I’ve got a favor to ask.”

“Anything, lass,” he murmurs, still nosing behind her ear to drop small, delicate kisses.

“Ok, I know this is going to sound stupid, but there really is a good reason, and I promise I don’t mean forever, just for the time being, so really -”

“You’re rambling, darling. It’s quite a cute nervous habit, really.”

“- I don’t want to tell Emma yet.”

That warrants a hard pause.

“I know that it’s probably really stupid, but she’s so damn stubborn and she’ll probably view us getting together as some weird prelude to a set-up she’ll resist on principle. I know she has a thing for your brother, and I think that will resolve itself within a couple weeks, just… Please?”

“You do realize if we don’t tell Emma, I can’t tell Killian either, right? They’re thick as thieves and he’s absolute shit at keeping secrets.”

“Please?”

Liam huffs and sighs, but finally nods in agreement. “Alright. But let’s hope they resolve this soon; I don’t relish the idea of keeping this to ourselves for too long.”

“Agreed.” Because really, Emma needs to get her ass in gear, before it gets truly ridiculous. “But in the meantime…” Armed with a new confidence in their budding relationship, Elsa straddles his still-naked hips, letting the sheets slip from her bare shoulders in a sensuous display.

Liam grins slowly, eyebrow quirking as he seems to catch where her mind has gone. “Aye?”

“In the meantime… Let’s see what I can do to make it up to you.”

------

It’s a wonderful new world, dating Liam Jones. It’s all the beautiful companionship of their previous friendship, but with the added bonus of amazing kissing and some really great sex. Liam seems to revel in taking her on proper dates, and they spend every chance they have together - in and out of bed.

The one drawback is the continuing Emma/Killian situation. They’re both so damn stubborn, and Elsa has long since learned that any attempts to engage Emma in a conversation about the man the the latter doesn’t start herself is absolutely fruitless. It would have been annoying, before, when Elsa was just trying to help her roommate come to terms with her own feelings; now, with the reveal of a relationship waiting on that acceptance, it’s downright infuriating.

“I wish they’d just do it !” she practically growls from the Joneses’ couch one evening, Liam and herself curled up pretending to watch Dial M for Murder on her favorite classic movie channel while Killian is on call at the fire station and Emma has a stakeout. The movie-watching endeavor was never destined to be successful; even without Elsa’s frustration with the non-existent progress in her friend’s relationship, they’d likely just be making out on the couch anyways, Liam making an admirable attempt to do just that only a few minutes ago by placing a series of increasingly insistent kisses along her jaw and neckline.

“I hate to be speaking in support of their lollygagging in any way, but we both knew they’d both need to get their in their own time, especially Emma,” he replies, ever her voice of reason. “I will say, I fully expected them to cave by now.”

“That’s exactly it!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up and nearly whacking Liam in the head in the process (he’ll live). “What the hell is taking them so long? Hurry it up already!”

But they don’t hurry it up, and they don’t cave. There’s just a constant dancing around one another, and a seeming increase in Emma avoiding her. It’s infuriating.

It finally comes to a head when Liam picks her up for dinner one night (well, as much as that term is applicable; he’s literally just walking down some stairs, not driving halfway across town to collect her), a gloom casting his usually calm and handsome face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Elsa asks, concerned. It’s wildly out of character for him to show up acting like this, and she almost worries about what that means for them. He adores you, she’s careful to remind herself. You’re not the problem.

Despite plans to find a little place to eat near the water, Liam comes in and crashes on the couch, already aware that Emma’s not home. “Apparently, Emma kissed Killian last night. And then ran out of there like the hounds of hell themselves were on her heels.”

“Shit,” Elsa somehow manages to say, sinking onto the couch herself. “She hasn’t said anything about it to me.”

“What are we supposed to do?” he all but demands. “Do we now have to go on pretending forever? Do we assume they’ll still eventually figure this shit out and get together? Or are we at lost cause stage? I have to be honest, I’m rather pissed at your roommate - Killian’s devastated, moping around the apartment like the world itself is ending.”

“I don’t know,” she mutters absentmindedly, still trying to process all the new information. Shit, what are they supposed to do, in light of this new development? “I guess we wait and see? Give it a week, see if the situation will resolve itself?”

“A week,” Liam repeats with finality. “But after that, I don’t care. It’s been long enough, we’ve been keeping this quiet for seven weeks. 2 months even is more than enough.”

“Okay, a week.” They really should get going - both are dressed and ready to walk out the door, but they sit there just a minute longer, trying to process their resolution and the events that led to it.

“Shit.”

------

“I kissed him,” Emma blurts out, and Elsa does her best to look surprised. She’s known for almost three damn days now; it’s hard to really muster up a look of true shock, but Emma’s flustered emotional state thankfully means she doesn’t pick up on her faking.

Honestly, Elsa is holding back a laugh the entire time. Emma’s been avoiding any relationship with Killian because she thought Elsa liked him? True, she did say the upstairs neighbor was cute, but there are two of them - even if Emma has never met Liam. That’s the only excuse Elsa can come up with - Emma has never met Liam, has never seen what he looks like, has never observed Elsa and Liam together. Otherwise she thinks it’d be so damn obvious which Jones she had meant was cute, that it’s almost laughable.

She only lets the laughter loose again when Emma rushes back out of the apartment, and that’s how Liam finds her a few minutes later - still shaking on the couch with subsiding laughter and wiping tears from her eyes because of it.

“I take it things went well with Emma, considering she’s about to jump my brother and you’re laughing your arse off down here?” he asks amusedly. Oh, how Elsa loves how he says ‘arse’ - it’s enough to send her into another fit of giggles.

Liam is increasingly confused as her laughter deepens, one eyebrow creeping higher and higher as he grins in that way he does when he doesn’t quite get the joke. “Really, lass, I must insist,” he finally interrupts. “What in the world is so funny?”

Honestly, she has to take a moment to catch her breath, holding a finger in the air in a waiting motion, trying to collect herself enough to speak. Finally, she bursts out - much the way Emma did, not half an hour earlier:

“She hasn’t been making any moves because she thought I was into your brother!”

The joke explained, Liam breaks into his own guffaw as his smile turns genuine, collapsing onto the couch beside her and pulling her slender body into his side. “Well, darling, is there anything I need to worry about?”

And who’s to blame her, if she sets about proving exactly how much he doesn’t need to worry?

#the hazards of hot neighbors and stubborn roommates #my writing #the perils of firemen and the food network #frozen jewel #companion fic #why did this get a little dirty #no one knows #cs ff

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dracomalfoyw · 7 years

Text

A crowd of thousands

I honestly don’t know if this is good or bad but I just had this in my head and it wouldn’t leave me alone so yeah. I figured, why not share it with my fellow Drarry supporters? I hope you enjoy! - @cassius-warrinqton look what I did

Draco followed Harry up the stairs and wondered if he would ever get used to all the staring in crowded places like these. There was a huge contrast between the gazes directed at Harry and himself. They stared at Harry out of pure admiration, as if he was a god of some sort. Towards him was only resentment, deep frustration that burned in their eyes as if his death would make their whole life a lot better. It was to be expected, and he probably deserved it all, but that didn’t make it any easier. ‘Are you keeping up Malfoy?’ Harry asked with a grin with his head turned in his direction. Draco raised an eyebrow. ‘I was about to tell you that you’re remarkably slow, actually.’ he sneered without venom. Harry grinned at him and turned his head back to where he was going. ‘I have to say though, Potter, being the golden boy sure has its perks for good seats.’ Harry chuckled. ‘Just like the Malfoy name used to do for you. And anyway, this was not thanks to me but to Ginny. Being the Holyhead Harpies most promising seeker gets you the best places at any game.’ Draco knew he said it without trying to be mean, but it still stung. ‘The tables sure have turned.’ he mumbled. Harry turned back to look at him and Draco noticed his eyes were full of guilt. ‘I’m sorry- I didn’t mean it like that. I was just reminded of the summer before fourth year. I wasn’t trying to be…’ Draco held his hand up to stop him from talking. ‘I know Harry, don’t fret about it.’ Harry bit his lip and nodded before turning back again and walked to their seats. Ginny wasn’t there yet, it seemed. She did have a knack of being late the last few months. Harry looked next to him and watched how Draco tried out his new Omnioculars. Draco turned to look at him while still holding the Omnioculars in front of his face and gasped. ‘Merlin, Potter. You should really do something about that nose hair of yours.’ he muttered, although a small smile played on his lips. Harry, who hadn’t seen his smile, consciously covered his nose. ‘Is it that bad?’ he asked softly. His hair was bad enough as it was, he didn’t need nose hair troubles added to it. When he looked at Draco, he was surprised to find him sniggering and even snorting uncharacteristically once. ‘You should have seen your face Potter. It’s hilarious.’ Harry rolled his eyes, although with a smile on his face. ‘Jeez Draco, and here I thought Ron had bad humour.’ ‘Are you comparing my fantastic jokes to Weasley’s disastrous ones?’ At that moment, Ginny entered the box and sighed dramatically. ‘Still not ready to move on to first-name basis Draco?’ she asked him with a chuckle and then moved along to sit next to Harry. Draco’s pale cheeks had a pink tinge on them at being mocked but he straightened his back nonetheless and spoke up. ‘Well, I-’ Ginny interrupted him again. ‘I mean, even Ron calls you Draco now when you’re not around.’ Harry nodded as if to confirm her words and Draco frowned. ‘Why is he talking about me when I’m not around?’ he asked her, not daring to let his discomfort show on his face. Were they still talking badly about him behind his back? Once again, it was to be expected, but he assumed that after playing chess and sometimes deliberately losing from Ron would help getting accepted somehow. Ginny grinned and for some reason Harry suddenly seemed very, very worried. He turned to Ginny with wide eyes and there seemed to be a battle going on between their eyes only, including frowns and questioning raising eyebrows and whatnot. It left Draco all the more confused. ‘Harry likes to talk about you. A lot.’ Ginny told him before Harry could stop her. Draco stared at her blankly for a few seconds before his face pulled into a smirk. ‘I’m sure he does.’ he said with a chuckle. Draco looked at Harry before he continued. ‘After all, during our Hogwarts years my name fell of your tongue quite often as well, didn’t it?’ Harry started spluttering and Ginny wiggled her eyebrows. ‘Oh but not like-’ ‘Hi Ginny!’ All three of them followed the sound of the voice and were greeted by a happily waving Luna. ‘And of course, hi Draco and hi Harry. Sorry I’m late. At the bottom of the stairs a whole group of people was surrounded by Wrackspurts, so I informed them about it.’ Ginny smiled at her girlfriend and grabbed her hand to sit her down next to her. Luna immediately started telling Ginny about the latest discovery her father had heard from his correspondent in Africa while Ginny put an arm around her to pull her closer. ‘You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden, Harry.’ Draco emphasized on his name and Harry shuddered inwardly. It did strange things to his insides which he wasn’t ready to admit yet. He loved it when Draco called him by his first name. If only Ginny hadn’t been betraying him by almost spilling his secret, he might have been able to enjoy it. Harry tried to recover himself. ‘Well yes. There’s an awful lot to complain about when your partner is Draco Malfoy.’ Draco smiled at him, but not with his eyes. ‘If it’s that bad, you should consider changing partners, Potter. Besides, did it ever occur to you how exhausting it is to have the Golden Boy as your partner? I bet you didn’t.’ Harry heard his sarcasm drip from nearly every word and grinned. ‘Exhausting how? I don’t recall us doing any physical exercise, and besides that all you have to do is write some paperwork.’ ‘Some things can be mentally exhausting, you idiot.’ Draco grunted, even though his cheeks were wearing a pink tinge again. ‘Now you best shut up, it’s about to start.’ ‘Yes, Sir.’ ‘Don’t call me that.’ ‘Yes… Lord Malfoy?’ ‘Stop it.’ ‘Yes Milord.’ ‘Prat.’ ‘You like me for it.’ Draco gazed at him from the corner of his eye, thinking that he couldn’t have been more right. The game started and all four of them were immediately into the game. Or rather, all three except Luna, who was content with braiding Ginny’s hair and watching it at the same time. It was a match between Puddlemere United and Falmouth Falcons. Draco wasn’t for either team, but since Harry had been blabbing on about Oliver Wood’s skills a bit too much to his liking, he decided he’d root for Falmouth Falcons. So when they scored, Draco stood up like the other supporters did, and sat down neatly afterwards. ‘Never knew you were a supporter of Falmouth Falcons.’ Harry sort-of shouted over all the noise. Draco shrugged. ‘Their seeker is not bad to look at.’ Harry turned his head a little too quickly. ‘You mean his appearance? Or his skills?’ Draco let out a thoughtful ‘hmm’ and smiled before looking back at Harry. ‘I don’t know, how are his skills?’ he asked with feigned interest, a smile playing on his lips. Harry rolled his eyes. ‘I don’t know how I put up with your nonsense.’ he grumbled. Draco smirked. ‘Probably just as well as I do with yours. Remember that time you couldn’t stop talking about how fit Wood had become?’ Harry, now completely distracted from the game, turned not only his head but his whole upper body towards Draco. ‘I was talking about his skills. Not everyone watches Quidditch just for the eye candy.’ Draco frowned. ‘So you’re saying he fits into the category of eye candy?’ Harry frowned right back. ‘When did I ever say that?’ Meanwhile, the commentator was talking about a new feature from the Quidditch games. A so-called kiss cam. Harry had seen it before, and apparently when the thing was pointed at you and someone else, you had to kiss each other. A strange concept if you asked him. He was about to discuss it with Draco, as he was ignoring him at the moment after a disastrously dramatic eyeroll, when Ginny elbowed him. She pointed at the big screen and noticed that he and Ginny were on it, surrounding a pink frame with the text ‘Kiss Cam’ and some floating hearts. Ginny grinned. ‘Guess they’re still hoping for the Golden Boy and the Chaser Queen to reunite.’ she murmured. The crowd was making a lot of noise, like whistles and encouraging phrases such as ‘Go for it Potter!’ and ‘She’s not a Keeper but you should Chase after her!’. Harry looked at Draco, who stared at the screen, his hands in his lap curled in not-too-tight fists. He was visible on the big screen as well, but only half of him. Draco had noticed Harry looking at him, but he wasn’t going to look back. ‘Draco.’ What was he doing? Harry knew he hated public attention because of all the hate surrounding it. And now he was saying his name to grab his attention while they were seen on a huge-ass screen in front of thousands of people? ‘You’re such a git, Draco.’ Draco turned his head at that and was about to tell Harry where he should shove his comment when suddenly something warm was pressing against his lips and it was moving and then he and Harry were kissing in front of thousands of people. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he was supposed to forget his feelings for Harry and just be his friend but if that’s so, then why did it feel so bloody damn good? His hands found Harry’s unruly hair, Merlin he loved that hair so much. Harry gasped under his touch and it felt like they were kissing for ages when gently Ginny cleared her throat. Apparently, some of the players on the field were too distracted by the screen, that the kiss cam had been moved to another couple and was quickly shut off after that. Harry’s hand was still resting on the back of his neck when their eyes met. Draco practically swooned when Harry showed off his lopsided-grin and shrugged his shoulders helplessly. ‘I was pretty sure you were going to slap me, but I had some hope that you wouldn’t because you seemed pretty jealous when I kept talking about Oliver.’ Draco sucked in some air and sighed deeply. ‘Of course I was bloody jealous about that stupid Keeper of yours. You wouldn’t shut up about him at all yesterday!’ Harry shrugged again and smiled innocently. ‘It was their idea actually. To see how you would react.’ Harry said, gesturing to the girls behind him who were smiling all too innocently as well. ‘And this kiss- thing, too? You arranged all that just to see if I would kiss you back under huge pressure?’ Harry shook his head. ‘Actually no, that was totally unexpected. I had planned to ask you out to have dinner with me at the end of the game but I guess I just thought it was worth trying.’ Draco rolled his eyes. ‘You’re such a Gryffindor. Also, don’t we eat dinner together all the time?’ This was true. After a few months of being partners and getting all the awkwardness and grudges out of the way, they actually became friends pretty quickly. At first, it confused them just as much as their friends, but they were all kind of relieved that they got on well. Even after seven years, most the eight years were still seeing each other regularly now. It was nice. Harry shook his head. ‘Not as a date. I was going to ask you on a proper date. I still am, actually.’ ‘You’re asking me right now?’ Draco asked him, his eyes slowly widening as if he still couldn’t believe it even after Harry had kissed the bloody git. ‘Yes! Yes I’m asking you now. I feel like everyone is staring so just… say something.’ Draco snorted. ‘You surely didn’t seem to have a problem with that when you kissed me on that screen.’ ‘Draco…’ Draco smiled and put his hands on top of Harry’s. ‘Of course I’d love to go with you, you tosser.’ This time, Harry’s eyes seemed to widen in surprise before a content smile appeared on his face. He looked down at their hands and took Draco’s left hand in his right. Their fingers intertwined naturally and when Harry’s thumb started caressing the back of his hand, Draco felt more at peace than ever, despite being surrounded by thousands of people who would rather see him gone. Harry liked him. His friends liked him too. They were the ones that truly mattered, and all he needed.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #clbuspotter writes #mine

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theloudmute-deadaccountwheee · 7 years

Text

100 OC Questions

list created (I think?) by @the-moon-dust-writings I’m using Anti and Dark...but...my versions. Is that okay? Like, I’m not doing the canon ones so I’m not stepping on any toes, right? ...fuck I’mma do it anyway. I need some OCs.

1. How do they present themselves to others? Anti: With caution, but only out of shyness, then opens up very easily after a while Dark: *bursts through the door* “Sup, fucknuts?” 2. Do they like animals? Anti: Domestic ones Dark: “Eh, they’re alright. Even better when they’re on my dinner plate :3″

3. How do they dress? Anti: Business casual Dark: Whatever’s on top of the laundry basket

4. How many languages do they know? Anti: Only english, but would love to learn more Dark: “I’m kinda good at spanish.” Anti: “Wow, really? That’s neat!” Dark: “ El español es el idioma más romántico, bebé.” Anti: “What?” Dark: “Never mind.” 5. How big is their family? Anti: “I consider Dark, Sean, and Singe family.” Dark: “Idk, I hate all of you except for Anti so. Anti.” 6. What is their purpose in the story? Anti: I always considered him to be a metaphor for my mental illness Dark: He is Anti’s protector. They need each other. 7. Do they know how to fight? Oh hell yeah both of ‘em do 8. What is their back story? Oh gracious me, if you’re that curious just find my old fan fics lol 9. Why is their name, their name? Anti: While in Jack/Sean’s head, he considered himself the opposite of Jack for a long time Dark: Dark didn’t have a name for MONTHS after his creation. Mark named him that as a joke because of his fan created character and it just stuck 10. Do they have any nick names? Anti: “Dark has tons for me. ‘Green bean’, ‘greenie’, ‘shorty’. Dark: “Some anons on this hellsite call me Darkipoo for some reason.” 11. Do they have a romantic interest? They both love each other very much!!! 12. How do they cope with struggles? Anti: “...” He doesn’t like to talk about it, but, mostly when conflict arises, he goes berserk. Dark: If he can punch it to death then problem probably solved. Or moaping/ignoring it if it can’t be punched 13. Do they have anyone they can lean on? Each other!

14. How do they react to someone dying? Anti: Silence and becoming dead to the world Dark: Bottling everything inside

15. Can you name 5 personality traits they have? Anti: Kind, timid, rash, easy going, welcoming Dark: Rash, wild, crude, humorous, dangerous 16. How did they become a character? Well... my versions, I guess? Anti came to be because all that stuff on Jack’s channel last year had me so hyped I was like “I have to write a horror story about this” and so I did. Then I was like, “I don’t want to stop. Let’s throw Dark into the mix.” 17. Do they get along with others? Anti: More than likey, yes. He’s always wanted friends. Dark: “...eh.” 18. What flaws do they have? Anti: Going berserk, trusts people way too easily, jumps to conclusions, makes rash decisions Dark: Crude, snarky, also makes rash decisions, solves problems with his fists 19. How do they influence the story? Anti: I hope he serves as a beacon of hope. That no matter what problems we face, there’s good things comin’. Dark: He’s there for humor, he’s there to protect Anti, he’s a reminder to get what you want you gotta work hard at it 20. What do they look like? Anti: Bright green, mid long hair, black sceleras and green iris’, big ol’ puppy dog eyes, thin nose bridge but wide nostrils, LONG pointed ears, pale skin, tall waist Dark: Short red hair, short pointed ears, can change his eyes at any time but mostly looks like Anti’s bed with red iris’, wide nose 21. What are their hobbies? Anti: Cooking, painting, enjoying nature Dark: Fighting, fire magic, pestering people 22. What are their ticks? Anti: It’s hard to find anything that really bothers Anti. Well, bigotry and homophobia. Dark: “All these fuckin’ questions; there’s what, seventy more of these god damn things?” 23. Do they like children? Anti: Hasn’t had many interactions with kids Dark: “No.” 24. How do they react to being around wild animals? Anti: With caution Dark: “Can I eat it? I’mma kill it.” 25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work? Anti: “Okay, don’t tell Dark but I want to cover all the doorways and the toilet seats with clear wrap *snickers*. Would that be the funnest thing?!” Dark: “Kill a guy. What, that’s not a prank?” 26. Do they have any survival skills? Anti: If he weren’t a demon, he probably wouldn’t last long out in the wilderness on his own. Dark: “Bitch I don’t need survival skills; you can’t kill me.” 27. Are they more book smart or street smart? Anti: “Well...okay, I guess I’m a bit of both? I’ve not read many books but I know all that Sean knows so...” Dark: “STREET SMARTS I’LL CUT YA BITCH” 28. How do they get out of a difficult situation? Anti: Faces it head on, though hesitantly Dark: “SEE ABOVE I’LL CUT YA” 29. Do they use their body, mind, personality or force to get what they want? Anti: “I’d say my personality is pretty persuasive.” Dark: “*laying on a bed, naked, rose in his mouth* Hey.” 30. What music do they enjoy? Anti: “I like all sorts of music! Modest Mouse, Mumford and Sons, Caravan Palace; chill stuff.” Dark: “Heavy metal and rock baby. And uh...don’t tell anyone but uh...some blue grass.”

31. How do they overcome obstacles? Anti: “I believe we were asked this already.” Dark: “I’LL CUT YA.” Anti: “Yeah, I think we’ve been asked variants of these.” 32. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break? They both get stronger. They’re like any good relationship; can be hurt, but never broken 33. Do they have any special powers? Anti: Going berserk, control over most technology, teleportation Dark: Fire magic and control over fire, teleportation, immortality, flightless wings made of fire 34. How do they change throughout the story? Anti: Learns to...well, be himself. He’s changed a lot over the course of this madness. Dark: Learns to be less harsh...well, mostly towards Anti. 35. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close knit? Anti: “Sean and Signe! And Bea and Sukino, C-A, C-B, Marzia...a lot of people in the CDO, really!” Dark: “No.” Anti: “Come on, you have friends!” Dark: “My two best friends are Ben and Jerry.” *holds up two pints of icecream* Anti: “I don’t get it.” 36. How is their family life? Anti: “Considering I’ve already listed my family members, pretty good!” Dark: “Same, I guess.” 37. Are they likable? You tell me! 38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero? Honestly, I think Dark is more of an anti-hero than Anti. 39. Do they make questionable choices? YES. Very rash decisions. They don’t think much before they act. 40. How do they become who they are? Time, love, and a lot of bloodshed. 41. How was their childhood? Anti’s childhood was miserable, considering he was trapped in Sean’s mind. Dark’s childhood was when he was created, about six years ago. Other than Mark trying to literally exercise him out of his house with a priest and everything, things were pretty okay. 42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over? ...I WANT TO SPOIL SO MANY THINGS 43.How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all? Anti adapts and evolves very easily. I wanted that to mirror how technology advances and whatnot. Dark is kinda like an old man, stuck in his ways. 44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar Anti: Calmly Dark: Quickly, hot heated, and vulgar 45. Are they opposed to violence? Anti: “I mean, no? It just kind of happens.” Dark: “AW HELL NO I’MMA CUT--” Anti: “WOuld you stop?!” 46. When is their birthday? Anti: “Halloween!” Dark: “August? Was I born in August? I don’t think it was summer, it was kind of chilly.”

47. Are they quick to judge? Anti: “I try not to be.” Dark: “Fuck yes.” 48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others? Anti: “...the whole...berserk thing.” Dark: “We’re trying to hide the fact I’m alive from the CDO. ...and my love of bluegrass.” 49. Do they act different around different people? Anti: “I try not to.” Dark: “I think I have a total mood shift when I’m around Anti.” 50.Do they enjoy the arts? Anti: “Of course!” Dark: “Cinema, plays, broadway, yeah but not like...painting and sculptures and shit.” 51. Do they like science? Anti: “Computers fascinate me.” Dark: “No but you should hear Mark talk about space holy shit.” 52. Are they more emotional or logical? Anti: “I try to be logical but emotions get in the way.” Dark: “...same.” 53. How do they deal with their emotions? Anti: “Let them out. You gotta let ‘em out.” Dark: Bottles everything up inside. 54. How do they cope with sadness? Anti: See “dealing with death” Dark: Same 55. What is something they care about? Anti: “The safety of my loved ones.” Dark: “Flaming hot cheetos.” Anti: “...” Dark: “What? OH, you too. Love you.” 56. Would they die for anyone/anything? They would most certainly die for each other. 57. What do they do when they are happy? Anti: Quietly soaks in the moment Dark: You will certainly know when Dark is happy. 58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring ect Anti: Shy, means well Dark: A douchebag 59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over? Anti: Nah not really Dark: “WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB! RIKKI TIKKI TAFFI BIIIIITCH!!!!” Anti: “Just say no.” 60. In a crowed room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle? Anti: more to the side, not hiding in a corner but not at the fore front either Dark: in the middle and probably trying to take up as much room as possible 61. Are they comfortable being in a crowed room? Anti: Yeah, nothing to be afraid of. Just a room full of people. Dark: Same 62. How do they relax? Anti: Thinkin’ tub Dark: Liquor and a cigarette 63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically? Anti: “...” Dark: “...” 64. Do they like to dance? Anti: “Around the house, yeah, a little.” Dark: *is dancing right now* 65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle They both walk around town or teleport 66. What is their pet peeve(s)? Anti: can’t think of any Dark: EVERYTHING 67. Do they have a disability? No 68. How do they react to getting flowers? Anti: “How sweet! Thank you!” Dark: “*blushing* Aw, uh...thanks.” 69. Would they ever wear a flower crown? Anti: “I’d love to!” Dark: “Hell yeah, I’d rock it, too.” 70. Do they like themselves? Anti: “...” Dark: “Fuck yeah, I love me.” 71. Who do they dislike? Anti: “I can’t think of anyone I’ve met that I don’t like yet.” Dark: “Mostly everyone.”

72. What is their motto? Anti: “Never give up.” Dark: “GRAAAAAAAASS tastes bad. AIDS!” Anti: “Stop quoting Rick and Morty.”

73. Do they have any markings on their body? Anti: None Dark: Scars from Anti 74. Have they ever been abused? No 75. What is their biggest fear? Anti: Being trapped in Jack’s mind again Dark: Loosing Anti 76. What are their goals? Anti: Overcome his powers Dark: To die 77. How do they go about achieving their goals? Anti: Spars with Dark Dark: Hasn’t figured it out yet 78. Do they have a fight or flight response? Both of them have a fight response 79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves? Each other 80. How would they fair in zombie apocalypse? They would do JUST fine. 81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant? Anti: “I’d love to get a tattoo one day!” Dark: “Me too. Right on my ass.” 82. Are they good at mental math? Anti: “I’m not good at...any math.” Dark: “Fuck math.” 83. Do they get along with others? Anti: Very well! Dark: No 84 Are they lazy? Anti: No, he does most everything around the house Dark: Very lazy 85. Are they self motivated? Anti: Yes Dark: Needs a push 86. How do they cope with anger? Anti: If he’s angry, he kinda hulks out Dark: Punches his way through life and his problems 87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless? Both of them have. Very emotional. 88. Are they organized or messy? Anti: Organized. Dark: Messy. 89. Can they remember a lot of information at once? Anti: Anti probably can Dark: “lol no” 90. What is their occupation? Anti was a stock boy at a grocery store and Dark was forced to be a CDO knight 91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them? No one really fears Dark, so yeah, they respect Dark to an extent. No one has admitted they’re afraid of Anti, they don’t want to hurt his feelings. 92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say? Anti: “Dark and only Dark. I’d want...I’d NEED him to hold me. I can’t tell him enough how much I love him.” Dark: “I. Can’t. Die.” 93. How do they deal with stress? I mean, how they handle other emotions, really. 94. Do they have a more submissive or dominate personality type? Anti: Submissive Dark: Dominate 95. Do they have a pet? Anti: “I want a dog SO BAD!” Dark: “...maybe I should surprise Anti with a dog one day...” 96. Do they have a stash of weapons? Anti: No Dark: “Bitch, I AM a weapon.”

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with? In brighton with each other! 98. How do they calm themselves down? Dark sings Anti to sleep. Dark never calms down. 99. Are they co-dependent? They need each other. 100. Are they a day, or night person? Anti: Night person Dark: “I don’t sleep, either, so I’m like...an all the time person.”

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murasaki-murasame · 7 years

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Yuri on Ice Rewatch: Episode 4

This is over a week later than it should be, but oh well. Life kinda got in the way for a while. But I’m trying to get back on track with this now.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut.

Before I sit down and properly rewatch the episode, I should say that this was definitely the point where things were starting to change, and the fandom was starting to explode. Well, the turning point was episode three, but I just mean that by this point the upward and outward shift was in full swing, and this episode really helped cement it.

Part of why I’ve been putting this off for a while is because I wanted to give this a lot of time and thought, since it’s a very important episode in terms of both the show itself, and the fandom. I think everyone can agree that this episode marks a major shift in the story, and especially in Yuri and Viktor’s relationship. I feel like this post probably won’t be as detailed or well-written as I’d like, since it’s less that I’ve actually found a good time to do this and more that I’m kinda forcing myself to get back on schedule, but we’ll see how it goes.

With episode three marking a pretty firm end to the first general story arc, I remember going into this episode wondering how it’d handle the aftermath of the Onsen on Ice event, and where things would go with Yuri and Viktor now that they were back to being [more or less] alone together after Yurio left to go back to Russia. I think everyone in the fandom at the time was very curious to see where things would go.

On that vague note, it’s worth mentioning that around this point, though mostly starting with episode three, the whole meme of ‘Yuri on Ice out-gaying itself’ kicked off in the fandom. The show kept surprising us with how intensely and explicitly romantic it was at every turn, and how early certain sorts of developments happened. So we started to wonder after each episode how the show could possibly ‘out-gay itself’. In hindsight it’s kinda funny to think that we all kept assuming that the show ‘couldn’t possibly get more gay’. Compared to stuff later in the show, it feels almost quaint in hindsight, that stuff like Yuri’s Eros performance in episode three felt like an impossibly high bar that the show could never surpass. I don’t think anyone genuinely thought that it was literally impossible, but there was a definite sense of doubt, and a sense of genuine surprise as things kept getting more explicit.

I should probably eventually give my full detailed thoughts on that entire thing, but now’s probably not the time for that.

Anyway I’ll just sit down and watch the episode itself now.

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This is still a really great episode. In general I really love the early episodes and how intensely character-focused they are. It’s hard to compare them to the later episodes, though, since the later episodes also have the benefit of having a lot more in the way of relationship development and whatnot.

And since the first episodes are a bit less rigidly structured, I feel like after so long of not actually rewatching the show, my memory of exactly what happens in which episode started getting kinda mixed up. And there’s some stuff I just completely forgot about. It’s a kinda weird experience to have felt so firmly entrenched in this show and it’s fandom for more than an entire year, while still feeling like I’d forgotten certain things upon revisiting it, but I guess that’s natural. It at least helps make this rewatch feel fresh. I usually have a difficult time rewatching things that I have a good memory of, because it often feels kinda boring to ‘go over the exact same thing again’, but this is going fine.

This episode’s whole purpose is to wind down the beginning arc and focus more intimately on Yuri’s emotions before setting up the competitions that’ll basically make up the final two thirds of the show, and it does a fantastic job of it. There’s a good reason why this episode always sticks out in people’s memories as an important part of the story. Well, multiple good reasons, I suppose.

I really like the focus this episode has on Yuri’s self-confidence issues, and how he comes to understand that nobody sees him as weak, and that he’s not fighting alone. It’s just a really sweet and positive sort of message. A big part of the show’s overall exploration and examination of love as a concept is rooted in the idea of understanding and accepting the love that exists around you, in all it’s forms, and we really start seeing that theme in this episode.

I also find it very relatable, how Yuri at least used to view people’s emotional support and love as something invasive and pushy, and how he had a habit of pushing people away. I still feel like his decision to move away for so long and not really contact his family was related to this idea as well. Not to mention details like how he apparently doesn’t really interact with his followers on social media. He’s not exactly cold or self-centered or uncaring or anything like that, he’s just not good at opening up to people and allowing a mutual connection to form. Which is obviously something that he gradually gets better at as the show goes on.

Which I suppose gives me a good excuse to jump forward in the episode and talk about the beach scene, which I still love. It’s definitely a fan favourite scene, though in certain respects it kinda gets forgotten in favour of later scenes. But I love this scene and how calm and subdued it is. It’s a good representation of how this is where Yuri and Viktor start becoming closer to being equals and the layers of idolization and glamour start to fall away. As I’ve said before, one of the major bits of progression in this show is Yuri and Viktor’s ‘positions’ relative to each other. I don’t know how to phrase it well, but as Yuri himself says in this episode, by the start of this episode Viktor felt less like a coach and more like a god. Yuri in particular is sort of holding Viktor at arms length as a result of all that idolization and awe, and so they were only able to start creating a meaningful connection around this point in the story. Not that they didn’t have any kind of a meaningful connection in the first three episodes, but you get what I mean. There’s also a lot to be said for how Viktor himself saw Yuri in the early episodes, and how he had to examine and readjust his own perceptions of him as a person, in order to understand how to treat him as an equal. But that’s a bit more complicated, and I’ve kinda already gone over it in my previous posts.

It’s just really nice to get a scene like this where the two of them are able to have a somewhat casual talk in private about Yuri’s emotional hang-ups. For one thing, it was really nice, but probably pretty difficult on him, for Yuri to actively open up to Viktor about the things he talked about. Seeing him do things like that really helps illustrate how they’re beginning to properly get to know each other, and are heading down the road to being equals.

We also see a more calm and open version of Viktor in this scene. It’s not exactly rare, but it’s still nice. He even opened up a little in his own way, in talking about the seagulls remind him of St. Petersburg, and how it was a sound he’d always taken for granted because he never thought he’d really leave that place. That whole line in particular is pretty interesting, partly because it’s a neat insight into his character, but also because it’s bought up again in episode ten in a way that illustrates how he developed between this episode and that one, and how his perception of ‘home’ shifted. Which I’ll talk about more when the time comes. I also, of course, like everything he says in this scene about how neither he nor anybody else sees Yuri as being weak, and that, as his way of showing his love, he won’t go easy on him, because he knows that he’s strong.

And of course this scene also gets us back to the whole ‘koibito’ mistranslation. It came up in the previous episode, and at the time seemed innocent enough, but this is the part where the awkwardness and inaccuracy of it really starts to show through. It’s still really sad to me that this mistranslation exists in the show, because it really does influence your perception of these episodes. It comes across a lot differently when you don’t realize that the exact same word is being used in each scene. The main thing is just that when Viktor asks Yuri if he’d like him to be his boyfriend, he’s using the exact same word that had previously been translated as ‘girlfriend’. But even though this line is the ‘main one’, it’s the ‘girlfriend’ lines that were the inaccurate ones that caused the actual problems. The ‘boyfriend’ line was just the one that put them into perspective. It’s not really the biggest problem in the world, but I dislike it because it’s a prime example of heteronormativity. I mean, it’s basically the dictionary definition of it. And it really does influence the audience’s perception of things, especially Viktor and his sexuality, when they keep seeing him use the word ‘girlfriend’ in the subs. It makes them falsely assume that he’s attracted to women, and then that he’s exclusively straight, which makes it harder for people to understand that the ‘boyfriend’ line was completely genuine and not some kind of a joke, and obviously in the long run it makes it even harder for a lot of people to accept the show’s central romance and it’s validity. So even if you could call it a minor mistake, it really stacks up in the end.

And on a similar sort of note, I should also say that it really bugs me how most people interpret Yuri’s flustered response to Viktor asking if he wanted him to be his boyfriend. It’s understandable, but it’s always bugged me how quickly a lot of people assumed it was a genuine ‘no homo’ sort of moment, and how, uh, vocal those people were about that interpretation. It got really annoying really fast. The bottom line is that everyone seems to casually ignore the fact that Yuri also rejected the idea of Viktor being a father figure, or a brother figure, or a friend. Specific emphasis on the last one especially. People get kinda laser-focused on the boyfriend part, but Yuri was rejecting ALL of those relationship labels. That’s what he meant by wanting Viktor to just ‘be himself’. He didn’t want Viktor to just be one specific thing in relation to Yuri. He wanted to connect with Viktor as the entire, multi-faceted human being. But at the same time, just because he rejected all of those things, it doesn’t mean that he didn’t want to be friends or lovers or whatever with Viktor. The main thing is that he didn’t want Viktor to JUST be one thing or another. It’s kinda hard to explain, but it feels like an intuitive enough concept to me, and I think most people get what I mean. If Yuri had accepted Viktor’s offer in this scene to be his boyfriend, then their relationship probably would have been largely restricted to just that aspect. Viktor would have tried to be ‘Yuri’s boyfriend’ at the expense of much else. There’s a very big difference between that sort of thing, and the way that their relationship developed in practice, into something that equally encompasses numerous different aspects, including [but not limited to] romantic/sexual love.

Also to be honest I’ve never quite gotten why some people seem so surprised that Yuri’s first response to hearing his childhood idol who he reveres as a perfect god say ‘do you want me to be your boyfriend?’ was to freak out and get flustered and try and deny it in order to change the topic. Like, how would YOU act if you were in his situation? It’s only natural, especially for someone with Yuri’s intimacy hang-ups, to not immediately accept that sort of request. The entire context of it being about Viktor springing that sort of question out of the blue while they’re still so distant from each other and barely know each other as equals kinda spells out what I’m trying to say about how the sort of relationship they would have entered, had Yuri hypothetically accepted, would be more restricted than the one they have by the end of the show. And yeah it’s very important for me to stress that I’m talking about *the specific relationship dynamic they had by this exact point in the show*. I’m not trying to act like romantic/sexual relationships in general are somehow inherently restrictive or shallow, just that *in this specific context* they needed to take more time before getting to that sort of point. It’s also, of course, worth mentioning that Viktor has his own issues with putting up specific masks and personas around people to make them happy, while ignoring his own emotional needs and loneliness. I think that, if Yuri had have accepted the offer, Viktor would have put all of his energy into being ‘Yuri’s boyfriend’, and it would have become another mask hovering between them, preventing them from truly opening up to each other, as Viktor tries to maintain that sort of perfect image of being a boyfriend.

Anyway, moving on from that specific conversation, I also really adore how the scene ends, with them shaking hands as the clouds part and the sun shines down and we get Yuri’s internal monologue of ‘When I open up, he meets me where I am’. It’s a lovely little scene that really hammers in how this entire sequence is the beginning of them opening up to each other and becoming equals. In a lot of ways it really highlights a lot of what I love about their entire relationship. They both try so hard to overcome their personal obstacles in order to meet each other in the middle. A lot of their relationship development is about them trying to find that sweet spot between being too pushy and being too distant. I just love how healthy and realistic it is, especially in terms of how even at this point in the show they’re basically just STARTING to cross the gap between them.

I have a lot of things to say about this scene, lol. It’s probably not very coherent.

I also can’t help but laugh a little at the discussion of seagulls and their cries in this scene. I just can’t help but be reminded of Umineko. I don’t know why it amuses me, but it kinda does. I guess it’s still just funny to me that there’s even one scene in this kind of show that always makes me think of Umineko.

Although, even though my whole point here is that they’re radically different stories, I’ve had an analysis/meta post stirring in my head for months now based around examining how a lot of the themes of Umineko resonate with my experience with Yuri on Ice. Like, I feel like you could basically sum up all of my incredibly complicated feelings about the nature of audience interpretation regarding Yuri and Viktor’s relationship with the line of ‘without love, the truth cannot be seen’. They also happen to basically at the moment be my two favourite pieces of media, and for very personal reasons I kinda view them as two sides of the same coin in terms of my emotional connection to them. But that’s, again, more about my personal feelings toward both of them as stories, so I don’t know if it’d be worth talking about even in it’s own post, or if it’d even make any sense to anyone else. It’s at least off-topic for this rewatch series specifically, so I’ll stop now.

In terms of the whole theme of them slowly but surely breaking down their barriers, I’ve always loved the little hair-poking scene. It’s almost hilarious to watch in hindsight because I could never image Yuri, by the end of the show, being that incredibly flustered and awkward and hesitant about the idea of just touching Viktor’s hair. It’s one of those moments that really illustrates how much they progress over the course of the show. Especially since it’s another moment that comes up again later in the show, this time during episode seven. In general there’s a good amount of little moments in these first episodes that get reflected in later episodes as a way to show how much closer they are by the end of the show. Considering how relatively little time the show has in it’s second half to spend on non-skating stuff, those sorts of moments are a nice way of illustrating character development via small scenes.

I also love the whole topic of the ‘Yuri on Ice’ track in this episode, and all the scenes related to it. There’s a lot to it, so I probably won’t go over it all, but I just really like it. It was always really nice seeing Yuri work on getting his own original music track to use as part of a program [even if he got someone else to compose it]. There’s even a cut of him writing down a list of notes about different types of songs he could work with. Sadly it’s not translated as part of the subs, but I remember finding a tumblr post ages ago where someone translated the whole list. He really put a lot of thought into it, and was considering a whole bunch of different ideas and themes, before landing on the theme of ‘on my love’. Which also reminds me that the beta name for ‘Yuri on Ice’ [the song, not the anime’s name] was ‘Yuri’s Love’. You even get a little reference to that, with how when Yuri is listening to the old version of the song he got composed by the girl from the conservatory, you can see that name on his phone as it’s playing. I think the song playing in the background of that scene is even a beta version of the final Yuri on Ice track, which I think we didn’t get the full version of until the BGM soundtrack came out a few months ago. I sometimes wish they could have just stuck to calling it ‘Yuri’s Love’ so that it at least wouldn’t be so inconvenient to talk about it since it’s literally also the name of the show, but at the same time I love ‘Yuri on Ice’ as a name for the song itself, on a thematic level. It fits really well with ‘On Love: Eros’, and it really helps set up the whole theme of how much Yuri loves figure skating in and of itself, and how figure skating is a sort of vehicle for love, for both himself and everyone else in the cast. Which obviously ties into the final line of the entire show. So it’s a good name. It’s just always a bit of a pain when an important piece of a story’s soundtrack is literally just called the same thing as the overall story.

And obviously I just adore the song itself. It’s so pretty. I won’t deny that a week or two after the show ended I listened to it and cried for like three minutes. And then a little after that I wound up listening to the duet version of Stammi Vicino and cried for even longer. Let’s just say that that was the start of me deciding to just stop listening to the show’s soundtrack because it was too emotional for me, lol. So I’m dead serious when I say that I adore this song. It still really gets to me whenever I listen to it.

I also quite like the whole scene of Yuri talking about how he thinks he doesn’t have much time left as a competitive skater, and that he wants to have Viktor’s time, at least for now. It’s a really emotional scene, especially with the accompanying shots of stuff like Yuri’s bruised feet. It really drives in the fact that Yuri fears that his connection to Viktor is purely temporary, and is contingent on his career, which he also thinks is about to end. The fact that he sees their relationship this way is a really, really important topic that plays a big part in how things develop, and it’s yet another reason why I think his response to the boyfriend proposal was so understandable. Yuri went into this whole situation expecting that Viktor would only be with him for a year at most, and could leave at any moment, especially after how the whole Onsen on Ice drama had just occurred in the previous episode. Then, of course, there’s the additional angle of Yuri’s guilt about ‘stealing Viktor from the world’, which got referenced again in this episode, and is going to become very important very soon in the story. Again, it’s another reason why Yuri is so distant with Viktor early on, and why he rejects a deeper connection. He doesn’t want to keep Viktor for himself. At least not by this point in the story. There’s a whole world of people out there who are impatiently waiting for Viktor to return to Russia.

Even though I still don’t have much to say about Yurio in general, I do like his parts in this episode. I like the whole theme of him having to start from square one and reinvent himself as a prima ballerina after having been defeated. And of course I really like Lilia in general. She’s great. Though as a bit of a random note, I also really love Mila and wish she could have gotten more screen-time, but I think I completely forgot what her voice sounded like because it really threw me off. I just completely forgot that it was so . . . . high-pitched, I guess. I’m not sure how to word it. It’s not a bad voice or anything. I just feel like my mental image of her voice kinda shifted subconsciously, so it was a bit jarring to hear it again properly. It’s not a big deal or anything, though.

Anyway, I really like Lilia’s line about strong people being those who can be reborn again and again. It fits the entire show pretty well.

I feel like I’m running out of things to talk about with this episode, so before I end this I should also mention that the scene in the hot springs was really amazing. I still love the part where Viktor talks about how it feels to him like Yuri’s body makes music when he skates. Which probably relates a whole lot to the topic of how Viktor watched that viral video of Yuri. It’s easy to not pick up on, but when Yuri skated that choreography in episode one, I don’t think there was meant to be any music playing. The music we heard as the audience came specifically from Viktor’s side of the sequence, and it just carried over into Yuri’s side as well for narrative consistency. But the point is that when Viktor watched the video, it probably didn’t have any actual music playing, but he could still presumably hear the music in his head as he watched Yuri skate. It’s a minor detail, but it’s a neat one. Especially when you come to understand exactly what Stammi Vicino means to Viktor, as a song.

Anyway, back on the note of the hot springs scene, I also of course love the part where Viktor intimately poses Yuri’s naked body as a stretching exercise of sorts. And I’ve always loved how the crowd of onlookers included an old man who was literally thanking god for what he was seeing. Obviously on a base level it’s cute and funny, but on a more serious level, I really do appreciate that in a scene involving a group of middle-aged and elderly men witnessing a display of sexually-charged physical intimacy between two men, the only vocal reaction we saw from them was a positive, thankful one. It’s a relatively small detail, but this sort of thing means a lot to me. That this sort of a scene can be framed in a light-hearted and comedic way that praises and admires the characters involved, rather than insulting them.

But anyway yeah this was a really great episode. I still need to get properly back on schedule with these posts, but I’m not too behind now, so that’s good.

Next time we’ll be transitioning into the competition-focused side of the series, so that’ll be an interesting shift to go through again. Episode five is one of the episodes that people don’t really remember or talk about much, but I remember liking it a lot.

#murasaki rambles #yuri on ice #these posts are a lot of fun to make but jesus christ they take so long to write #mostly because I'm lazy and often get distracted while writing them but still #this took nearly three hours lol

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princepestilence · 7 years

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Something that’s fascinated me for a long time is the whole “nice” Draco Malfoy phenomenon as it appears in fandom, especially in fanfiction.

It’s so renowned there’s a trope named for it and, as of right now, the Harry/Draco tag is the most popular relationship on Archive of Our Own by 10,000 hits. I don’t think any of us are really surprised by this point--either by exactly how much special attention slash fiction gets, or how far certain shippers will go to forgive white boy villains--but, for me, I guess it’s a sort of personal interest in this striking duality between fanon-Malfoy and canon-Malfoy specifically, because it’s the only time (that I can think of, anyway?) where I’ve been both a long-time fan of the source material and, to a certain degree, tolerant of major personality surgery in fandom at the same time.

Like, usually the “he’s misunderstood/not bad/can be fixed” wibbling over solidly awful men and such is a zero-tolerance policy with me: most recent example, that prick from Star Wars. (Which one? Take your pick). But Malfoy falls into what I can only think of as a ‘conditional exception zone,’ partly because there’s just enough qualities scattered in the texts to muddy the water. I think the fact there’s three texts at work--the books, the films, and the preexisting fanon conventions (a kind of amorphous apocryphal collection of literary habits and tastes and cliches and whatnot)--is a big reason why Malfoy in particular is a (perhaps uniquely tempting?) “salvageable” white boy villain: he’s not a single unified character. The ubiquity of Harry Potter texts assumes a basic understanding that book and film are equally canon, for lack of a better phrase, so that while the books are “more canon,” technically, the films have just as much weight in conceptualising the world and characters of Harry Potter for fans. (By comparison, I would say that Pottermore doesn’t have that same weight, because it isn’t popular enough. Who even uses Pottermore? Many of us are actually tired with the continual updating of the world, and probably don’t care about or even actively ignore what’s written there. The culture of shared knowledge--and communally agreed upon Facts of Potter--hasn’t stretched that far).

Anyway, what I’m saying is Draco Malfoy is kind of like a metaphoric cat figure: he has multiple lives from which fans can draw their favourite aspects from and then blur together into someone resembling Draco Malfoy, superficially, and even in some ways, accurately, according to a version of canon, without being an unattractive irredeemable weasel of a boy.

In the books, he’s absolutely a little snot. I’ve been reading the third book at the moment and he’s a brat with no real redeeming features, and certainly nothing to justify all the attention (and affection) he gets in fandom. In canon, he’s a deeply unpleasant, bigoted kid and a bully. Rowling did not write him as a viable love interest for anyone, and it makes sense that she’s baffled and annoyed by how many girls have been smitten with him over the years.

In the films, he’s elevated from that level and a little more stylish, largely because of costuming and the fact Tom Felton does a good job of making a fairly two-dimensional character a little less so, especially in the later films. Also, it helps that he’s a handsome lad, that Malfoy is often comedic relief (both on purpose with his snappy remarks, and unintentionally as the butt of bad luck or Gryffindor pranks), that many of the nastier lines are cut from his dialogue and general annoyingness from his behaviour, and he’s overall given a much softer, sympathy-seeking image than the books: his father, although financially doting, has a somewhat cold, tyrannical air in their interactions; he’s spoiled (much like Dudley), which comes across in a rather Roald Dahl-esque fashion of bad parent-shaming, I feel; he’s the poster-child for Slytherin house, which positions him in a way as a victim of narrative prejudice (in that Slytherin students are given very rough treatment by Rowling, considering they’re children); and he cries in a bathroom one time.

In fanon, he has traces of the fanon ghost. He also happens to hit what I guess could be called a fandom sweet spot: namely, obsessive rivalry between boys, especially those who are “opposites" at least in some ways. Harry actually has a good deal in common with Draco, but on the surface, there seems to be enough noticeable (if minor) “blue oni, red oni” stuff going on to overlook that. I’m not sure if anyone’s developed a law for it yet, but there’s patterns in fandom and one you can rely on is that certain archetypes attract certain types of attention, and that attention manifests into (often repetitive, almost ritualistic?) behaviours re: shipping and fanfiction in general. Failure to provide an equally or more attractive alternative candidate will result in the nearest available close-enough boy getting shipped with the protagonist lad, and Harry Potter doesn’t provide an alternate rival boy, I don’t think. Hence, Malfoy gets it. Ron’s friendship with Harry, although not always blissful or anything, doesn’t have the components fandom (speaking of the slash fan majority, obviously) craves, I suspect, and Hermione won’t do on account of not being a boy. Therefore, Harry/Malfoy fanfiction get churned out en masse.

I was going to be like, “It’s interesting that the second most popular ship is Sirius/Remus, because it’s vastly different in dynamics to Harry/Draco,” and maybe continue on that thought for a bit, but then I saw that the third most popular, close behind, is Harry/Snape, and I quit. Not today.

I can’t remember what I was actually banging on about when I started or what I meant to say with this. I think I had a goal but I lost it on the journey somewhere. Among those thickets. I think I originally meant to say something about how startling the difference between book-Malfoy and fanon-Malfoy is, and how I think film-Malfoy is a big part of bridging that gap, plus the typical fandom habits, and I mostly did that? I feel like I could do a much better, more coherent, overall more polished version of this, maybe throw in some neat quotes, if it wasn’t post-midnight, but essentially: Malfoy’s multiple canon forms creates an uncertainty surrounding exactly who he is and what he could be that, in conjunction with Fandom Needs--i.e., the whirlpools that characters who get too close are pulled into by the sheer force of convention, makes him a particularly appealing target for a slash-intended personality-lift. Deep breath.

#so the devil grabbed my hands tonight and made me do this probably. i don't know. the whim came from somewhere and took over.#it could have been the devil. it could be jesus. either way i wrote A Lot about the drarry fanfiction phenomenon.#not a sonnet

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creditdefaultswapblog · 7 years

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11 signs you're dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker

If you feel like your coworker is actually undermining you, don't give them the chance to sabotage an individual in the significant way.Your best bet is many likely documenting and also reporting their own behavior. That They enjoy office drama Most people aren't entirely immune for you to office drama. Pertaining To many people, it's a bit like a daytime soap opera. It can be entertaining to end up being able to tune in most as quickly as in the while. The idea would also be awful to have which become the particular perfect entire life. (No one features period for evil twins interrupting the wedding day as well as whatnot.) Keep inside mind, many people are just procrastinators; their delays aren't meant personally. Alternatively, you could well be at fault here if anyone are over-asserting your role on a person regarding equal rank. Butif you train with somebody who's scribbling out elaborate memos more than each tiny annoyance, watch out. According in order to "How in order to Communicate Efficiently and Handle Tough People" author and Psychology Nowadays contributor Preston Ni, "blaming the actual victim with regard to causing their own victimization" can become a classic passive-aggressive strategy. Unlike their own plain previous aggressive counterparts, passive-aggressive colleagues don't necessarily seize a starring role within office drama. Insteadthey stoke tensions whenever possible they're less just like a prima donna and more just similar to the show's producer. This can end up being a significant red flag you are talking to some toxic person. But you do not usually have in which luxury within the office. It's not like you could just component ways with almost all the cubicle mate who's constantly leaving whiny sticky notes everywhere. You're virtually trapped. Passive-aggressive individuals often have problems dealing with effective people. in an office environment, this might current itself as backhanded compliments, complaints in regards for you to the merits with the productive person, or possibly a general, sullen attitude when other medication is being celebrated. These People undermine you Passive-aggressive individuals won't straight challenge you. That's just too confrontational regarding them. So you do not wind up obtaining burned, it is actually important to maintain tabs about this damaging behavior. But most things considered, if they're perfectly competent and your requests are usually suitable along with reasonable, you're most likely dealing with a passive-aggressive individual, according towards the Mayo Clinic. In Forbes, Kevin Kruse recommends turning the actual tables about Debbie Downers using cold tough facts: "Negative folks frequently converse in intense terms that will match his or her worldviews. These People discuss 'never' as well as 'always.' Your Current very first aim would end up being to change https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yahoo.mobile.client.android.finance&hl=en them to fact-based statements." These People offer out backhanded compliments Do your own colleague's compliments always leave you sensation the bit gutted? That's most likely because they are not actually compliments. They're hostiles digs, sugarcoated throughout standard niceties. It's possibly healthier to length yourself coming from any passive-aggressive individuals floating around the personal life. How can you offer having a back-handed compliment? This really is dependent upon how bad the actual comment was. An Individual can easily grit your current teeth and ignore it or even reply with a small humor, writes Amy Morin throughout Inc. They're envious of business energy It's fine to feel a bit jealous more than some other people's triumphs. That's only a human reaction. Still, you can't allow the disappointment mutate into envy. It's certainly not productive, as well as it is just not just a great appear on anyone. There's absolutely nothing incorrect along with becoming picky in what ideas are usually accepted from work. However, passive-aggressive individuals have an inclination to dismiss the majority of plans out of hand, with out providing constructive criticism as well as alternative solutions. From any certain point, it's much less with regards to any kind of flaws with the suggestions plus more concerning their own poor attitude. Avoid receiving cast as their lead as well as keep your distance. These People declare to become your victim When an individual confront the coworker on his or her bad behavior, can they twist things about in order to become able to turn out seeking just like the victim? As Mayo Clinic expert Dr. Daniel K. Hall-Flavin writes, "A passive-aggressive individual may apparently agree possibly even enthusiastically with yet another person's request. Rather as compared to complying with the request, however, she or perhaps he may well express anger or resentment through failing to adhere to together with through as well as missing deadlines." Instead, they tend to be heading to consider steps in order to undermine anyone at every turn, discovering subtle approaches to sabotage your speed and agility and set you up for failure, just like allowing you out with the loop about important projects. If a person discover youself to end up being able to be sharing a cubicle with a note-scribbler, consider if their particular notes are generally reasonable. In case they're indicating actual problems, perhaps you ought to attempt to assist out. Yet if they're just becoming nit-picky, you are usually in a position to ignore their messages or perhaps talk to these phones establish an understanding. That They procrastinate whenever you question them to do something

Getty Images/Joe Raedle Whenever i listen to anyone ask your colleague to do something, they acquire with it ... eventually. They Will in absolutely no way complain, nevertheless they create their particular displeasure known simply by using eternally to finish the task. For example, if your current colleagues will practically usually be leaving your communal microwave searching like the aftermath of your gruesome and mysterious science experiment, I could definitely realise why someone would glance at the urge for you to call folks out. If you cannot obtain the workplace complainer to go away an individual alone, steer clear of nodding alongside for their litany associated with grievances. Instead, calmly express the disagreement, recommends Chrissy Scivicque within Forbes. Don't make an effort to convince them, even though you'll just provoke an argument. They're masters in the office rumor mill Passive-aggressive individuals rely on gossip to act upon their grievances. They're unable to take a far more confrontational tack. These People might use rumors to hurt rivals' reputations, spread misinformation, and also curry favor with the powers which be. Though it's usually quite subtle, there are a few distinct indicators that anyone are most likely dealing using a passive-aggressive coworker. And usually watch out if your colleague can be letting a person know one thing, but their actions indicate another thing entirely. What ought to you need to do in the huge event you discover youself to be able to be the niche associated with workplace gossip? writing with regard to Fast Company, Natasha Burton recommends mobilizing your function allies as well as generating mild regarding rumors. They Will shoot down everything

Bob Levey / Stringer / Getty Images This person's usually any bit of low volatility your thundercloud in the workplace brainstorming session. Zero proposal is good enough for them.

Do you function with any kind of passive-aggressive colleagues?NBCUniversal Television Distribution It's typically best to stay away from this kind of passive-aggressive coworker. When an individual discover youself in order to be tangling using them, create positive to document his or her behavior so they will really can't turn issues about about you. His Or Her phrases don't match their behavior Passive-aggressive individuals rarely express their particular feelings clearly that is actually what makes them tough to spot, at first. That doesn't manage to faze this particular coworker. they complain about everything. The Actual boss. Your clients. The other folks in the office. Frankly, most of their concerns appear quite unreasonable to you. If this sounds much such as your coworker and it's affecting the work, talk to these regarding what's bothering them. In case they're as well passive-aggressive to inform you, think about talking for your supervisor. While your current passive-aggressive coworkers should be in a situation to converse up if one thing will be bothering them, you'll end up being able to at the particular really least recognize these signs along with take it upon oneself to aid resolve the particular situation: View As: one Web Page Slides They're constantly leaving notes Listen, you may find occasions whenit's appropriate to leave an aggrieved sticky note or perhaps send a vexed office-wide email. Rather than acting overtly rude, passive-aggressive individuals count on backhanded compliments to produce their own displeasure known and convey other people down. If your office procrastinator's laziness isn't impacting you, ignore it. Butif it is, calmly informto your current colleague. If that doesn't work, document the actual procrastination and also talk to your own manager, recommends Alison Green within US & Globe Information Report. They're constantly griping for you Venting within a company office environment is generally rather unprofessional, unless you're close friends with whomever you're venting to.

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