#ignore any grammar issues please o(╥﹏╥)o

[stale-trash]

It's Albedo's birthday, and it is Friday the 13th....allow me to humbly suggest creepy Albedo on this blessed day

cw: yandere, voyeurism

GN reader!

A/N: was in a bit of a rush to put this out on time so uh ignore anything that makes no sense (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

I interpret Albedo as rather reserved emotionally. He isn't unfeeling, he just doesn't share much of what he is feeling to those not closest to him. Unless you can perfectly analyze his mannerisms, you wouldn't even know that he's upset or happy or troubled unless he explicitly tells you.

Most wouldn't call Albedo cold though; mysterious is their adjective of choice. He is holed up in his lab, conducting experiments day in, day out like any genius of his stature should.

That's why most give him some grace when he inadvertently insults them with that pleasant voice of his. You can't fault the guy, he spends most of his time in the middle of nowhere - it'd be weirder if he did remember how to properly socialize.

Albedo isn't a fool, he is acutely aware of how he is perceived. He doesn't bother changing it because it's convenient for him.

Especially when it comes to pursuing you.

He can observe you to his heart's content without consequence. From staring unblinkingly at you whenever you run into each other to suddenly noting down your responses, there is little stopping him from treating you like an especially fascinating specimen. Whenever he toes your bottom line too much, all you need is a bashful apology and an empty promise to break the "bad habit".

You get used to it, just like everyone else in Mondstadt. Yet, you can't shake this feeling of...wrongness about him. His stare isn't that one of innocent curiosity but one that burns. It's a stare you can feel from miles away with how it burrows beneath your skin, demanding to know every single thing about you.

It's a stare that desires to strip you bare.

Once you notice it, you can feel it whenever you're alone. It's as if there are thousands of those cerulean eyes trained on you. Sometimes, the sensation vanishes as fast as it arrived, and other times, it follows you for hours. It doesn't matter if you are in the safety of your home - curtains firmly drawn, windows bolted shut, and doors triple locked - or are out and about, it always finds you.

It somehow gets worse whenever you attempt to undress. You can feel it increase in intensity as if encouraging you to continue. You can feel it roaming your skin like a thousand hands. You can feel it memorize every single feature and meticulously transfer it to paper for your viewing displeasure.

You don't know what's worse: the crime, knowing the perpetrator, or the perpetrator knowing you know.

[findroleplay]

On the hunt for some fellow space explorers and extraterrestrial beings!

Greetings ladies, gents and fellow space explorers! As yet another busy year draws to a close and a new one is just around the corner I thought I’d open my doors (well, DM’s really) to any fellow sci-fi rper’s who may be lurking about in the hopes that we can all leap headfirst into the start of 2024 with some fresh stories to write, new ideas to share and entire universes born from our own imaginations to explore whilst hopefully making a few new friends along the way. Before heading down to the ideas section of the ad, I humbly ask (and strongly insist) that anyone who may be interested in writing with me takes the time to thoroughly read the following lists of requirements to make sure that we are on the same page when it comes to what we want/expect in a rp partner and ensure that we will mesh with one another as a result rather than clash due to incompatibility based issues that may not be fixable. REQUIREMENTS/WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR: -A minimum of three to four properly fleshed out and detailed paragraphs per response written in third person past tense. A decent grasp on spelling, grammar and punctuation is also required as well. -At least one to two responses per day/every other day. I am also open to planning a writing schedule provided you are capable of consistently responding at least three or more days per week. -A willingness to commit to a long term rp/being a long term writing partner and being open to writing more than just one story. -20+ writers and characters. No exceptions. -Being open to at least occasionally engaging in non-rp related ooc chatter. -Active engagement during any planning/plotting phases and a willingness to bring new ideas to table. -Willing to rp against/pair your character with a alien character who may have/has fur, fangs, claws, a tail, scales, antennae, extra limbs, etc. basically anything that doesn’t look like a blue skinned human. I do not play human main characters so please take all of this into very careful consideration before messaging me for an rp. -Being comfortable with writing potentially explicit scenes that contain dark themes/sensitive topics such as combat, violence, gore, injuries, trauma, illnesses, etc (any and all boundaries will be discussed prior to plotting or writing these sorts of scenes). -Being comfortable with writing out smut based scenes rather than just fading to black or simply implying they happened. -Slow burn romances that allow the characters to see the best and worst sides of each other as their feelings progress. Anything that adds extra tension, drama or causes changes to their relationship dynamics and offers us a potential subplot to explore is also heavily encouraged. -50/50 story to smut ratio. -Switch dynamics only. Characters who prefer to top more than bottom during spicy scenes are also welcomed but Characters who only bottom/are always submissive regardless of what position they are in or don’t reciprocate on their own accord without constant guidance during these types of scenes are not. -MxM or FxM (with me playing the male character) pairings. I do have a strong preference for MxM pairings but I am not going to turn down anyone wishing to do a FxM one, but I will not play as the female character so please refrain from approaching me if you are intending to play as the male character. -Discord is an absolute must as it is the only platform I will rp on due to being able to use servers in order to help keep things organised and easily accessible within their own little category or channel. I will not rp on any other platform and any attempts to try and persuade me to write elsewhere will be ignored. WHAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR: -one liners, one worders, rushed out responses, rapid fire, text talk, frequent or major mistakes that go uncorrected. -Constantly switching between tenses or the use of first/second person. -godmodding. -controlling my characters. -overly shy or emotionally fragile characters who need to be taken care of constantly. -Characters who are always positive/cheerful no matter what happens to them or to the point where it's impossible to get any other kind of reaction out of them. -short term rp’s. -Android characters, heavily augmented cyborg characters (this is up for discussion), magical characters, characters with wings, telepathic characters, characters that do not fit into a sci-fi setting, insectoid alien main characters, avianoid alien main characters, amphibious or fish like alien main characters, amorphous (slime) main characters and anything that even remotely resembles a xenomorph. -time travel/dimension hopping settings or abilities. -Cyberpunk/steampunk/dieselpunk/whatever are punk type settings there are. -Overly submissive characters or characters who constantly require someone else to take the lead all the time or make decisions for them regardless of what situation they are in. -fast paced romances. -stories that take place in a non sci-fi setting. Now that we’ve got all those rules out of the way, let’s start talking about the fun stuff: Ideas. Down below you’ll find all of the ideas that I’ve been absolutely dying to write for a fair while now. All of these ideas will take place within your typical run of the mill sci-fi setting and although there are some specific themes/plot points and dynamics within them that are non-negotiable or firmly set in stone, you are more than welcome to bring any ideas you may have been wanting to try out yourself to the table to see if there’s a way that they can be incorporated into the rp. STOWAWAY: (Looking for someone to play the captain) A stowaway attempts to sneak onboard a ship in order to find a way off the planet/space station they are on and is discovered by the captain. UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT: (Looking for someone to play as a member of the crew) A criminal takes over a ship that has accidentally stumbled into their territory and claims the crew as their own. NO EASY WAY OUT: (Looking for someone to play as either the leader of the criminals or a member of the crew) A lone drifter is captured by a band of criminals and forced to join them in exchange for their life. STRANDED: A alliance soldier is purposely left behind by their teammates after becoming separated from them during a mission and is forced to find a way off the planet with the aid of their rescuer. CHANGING WAYS: (Looking for someone to play as a member of the alliance crew) A notorious criminal is given one last chance of redemption by serving the alliance as part of the crew that captured them. TAKING OVER: A captain's second in command is reluctantly chosen to lead the ship after a mission gone wrong and struggles to live up to the expectations that are placed upon them. REUNITED: (Looking for someone to play as the old crew mate) A runaway alliance soldier working a gig as a freelance cargo pilot bumps into one of their old crewmates and agrees to work alongside them in order to solve a mystery involving the sudden disappearance of several ships. New recruit: A formerly high-ranking alliance officer is stripped of their title and forced to start over at the bottom of the social ladder on another ship. SPACE PIRATES AND NOBLES: (Looking for someone to play as the royal) A pirate captain that is believed to be one of the most dangerous and wanted criminals in the known galaxies boards a ship full of royals/wealthy high class nobles that has strayed off course and takes one of them as a prisoner in exchange for sparing the rest of them. ENSLAVED: (Looking for someone to play as the master/mistress) As punishment for their crimes, a criminal is sold off into slavery. A near successful escape attempt sees them literally running into their new owner after months of being turned down by other buyers. THE WAR OF THE WORLDS: A intergalactic war is declared by the aliens after one of their ships is shot down by humans despite claims that the incident was not the result of malicious intent or pre-planned. Centuries of peaceful co-existence between the two races are seemingly thrown down the drain as they battle each other for complete control over the known galaxies themselves despite the devastating costs that both sides must regularly pay for as a result of their efforts through either their lives or resources in the hopes of achieving some form of victory. EXILE: (Looking for someone to play as a crew member of the human ship) An alien is found injured and alone onboard a badly damaged ship that has drifted into a human occupied airspace. The unexpected extraterrestrial guest is hostile towards their “alien” rescuers yet is seemingly reluctant to return to their own territory for reasons that they refuse to disclose. With tensions rising across the known galaxies due to rumours being spread about a war that is supposedly on the verge of being declared at any moment, the two species must set aside their biases and work together in order to find out the truth before it’s too late. To those who have made it this far, thanks for reading! If you are interested in writing with me please shoot me a friend request on discord and send me a introductory message that includes your time zone, your availability, which idea you liked, what ideas you may have, what pairing you want to do and your favourite food so that I know you read the whole post. Anything that is just “hey, I saw your ad. Wanna rp?” Will be immediately ignored. Introductions are also required even if you are simply inquiring about whether or not I am still looking for new partners and these types of messages will be ignored if they do not contain them. Discord contact info: tiberionwars Can’t wait to write with ya!

[roleplayfinder]

On the hunt for some fellow space explorers and extraterrestrial beings!

Greetings ladies, gents and fellow space explorers!

As yet another busy year draws to a close and a new one is just around the corner I thought I’d open my doors (well, DM’s really) to any fellow sci-fi rper’s who may be lurking about in the hopes that we can all leap headfirst into the start of 2024 with some fresh stories to write, new ideas to share and entire universes born from our own imaginations to explore whilst hopefully making a few new friends along the way.

Before heading down to the ideas section of the ad, I humbly ask (and strongly insist) that anyone who may be interested in writing with me takes the time to thoroughly read the following lists of requirements to make sure that we are on the same page when it comes to what we want/expect in a rp partner and ensure that we will mesh with one another as a result rather than clash due to incompatibility based issues that may not be fixable.

REQUIREMENTS/WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR:

-A minimum of three to four properly fleshed out and detailed paragraphs per response written in third person past tense. A decent grasp on spelling, grammar and punctuation is also required as well.

-At least one to two responses per day/every other day. I am also open to planning a writing schedule provided you are capable of consistently responding at least three or more days per week.

-A willingness to commit to a long term rp/being a long term writing partner and being open to writing more than just one story.

-20+ writers and characters. No exceptions.

-Being open to at least occasionally engaging in non-rp related ooc chatter.

-Active engagement during any planning/plotting phases and a willingness to bring new ideas to table.

-Willing to rp against/pair your character with a alien character who may have/has fur, fangs, claws, a tail, scales, antennae, extra limbs, etc. basically anything that doesn’t look like a blue skinned human. I do not play human main characters so please take all of this into very careful consideration before messaging me for an rp.

-Being comfortable with writing potentially explicit scenes that contain dark themes/sensitive topics such as combat, violence, gore, injuries, trauma, illnesses, etc (any and all boundaries will be discussed prior to plotting or writing these sorts of scenes).

-Being comfortable with writing out smut based scenes rather than just fading to black or simply implying they happened.

-Slow burn romances that allow the characters to see the best and worst sides of each other as their feelings progress. Anything that adds extra tension, drama or causes changes to their relationship dynamics and offers us a potential subplot to explore is also heavily encouraged.

-50/50 story to smut ratio.

-Switch dynamics only. Characters who prefer to top more than bottom during spicy scenes are also welcomed but Characters who only bottom/are always submissive regardless of what position they are in or don’t reciprocate on their own accord without constant guidance during these types of scenes are not.

-MxM or FxM (with me playing the male character) pairings. I do have a strong preference for MxM pairings but I am not going to turn down anyone wishing to do a FxM one, but I will not play as the female character so please refrain from approaching me if you are intending to play as the male character.

-Discord is an absolute must as it is the only platform I will rp on due to being able to use servers in order to help keep things organised and easily accessible within their own little category or channel. I will not rp on any other platform and any attempts to try and persuade me to write elsewhere will be ignored.

WHAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR:

-one liners, one worders, rushed out responses, rapid fire, text talk, frequent or major mistakes that go uncorrected.

-Constantly switching between tenses or the use of first/second person.

-godmodding.

-controlling my characters.

-overly shy or emotionally fragile characters who need to be taken care of constantly.

-Characters who are always positive/cheerful no matter what happens to them or to the point where it’s impossible to get any other kind of reaction out of them.

-short term rp’s.

-Android characters, heavily augmented cyborg characters (this is up for discussion), magical characters, characters with wings, telepathic characters, characters that do not fit into a sci-fi setting, insectoid alien main characters, avianoid alien main characters, amphibious or fish like alien main characters, amorphous (slime) main characters and anything that even remotely resembles a xenomorph.

-time travel/dimension hopping settings or abilities.

-Cyberpunk/steampunk/dieselpunk/whatever are punk type settings there are.

-Overly submissive characters or characters who constantly require someone else to take the lead all the time or make decisions for them regardless of what situation they are in.

-fast paced romances.

-stories that take place in a non sci-fi setting.

Now that we’ve got all those rules out of the way, let’s start talking about the fun stuff: Ideas.

Down below you’ll find all of the ideas that I’ve been absolutely dying to write for a fair while now. All of these ideas will take place within your typical run of the mill sci-fi setting and although there are some specific themes/plot points and dynamics within them that are non-negotiable or firmly set in stone, you are more than welcome to bring any ideas you may have been wanting to try out yourself to the table to see if there’s a way that they can be incorporated into the rp.

STOWAWAY:

(Looking for someone to play the captain)

A stowaway attempts to sneak onboard a ship in order to find a way off the planet/space station they are on and is discovered by the captain.

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT:

(Looking for someone to play as a member of the crew)

A criminal takes over a ship that has accidentally stumbled into their territory and claims the crew as their own.

NO EASY WAY OUT:

(Looking for someone to play as either the leader of the criminals or a member of the crew)

A lone drifter is captured by a band of criminals and forced to join them in exchange for their life.

STRANDED:

A alliance soldier is purposely left behind by their teammates after becoming separated from them during a mission and is forced to find a way off the planet with the aid of their rescuer.

CHANGING WAYS:

(Looking for someone to play as a member of the alliance crew)

A notorious criminal is given one last chance of redemption by serving the alliance as part of the crew that captured them.

TAKING OVER:

A captain’s second in command is reluctantly chosen to lead the ship after a mission gone wrong and struggles to live up to the expectations that are placed upon them.

REUNITED:

(Looking for someone to play as the old crew mate)

A runaway alliance soldier working a gig as a freelance cargo pilot bumps into one of their old crewmates and agrees to work alongside them in order to solve a mystery involving the sudden disappearance of several ships.

New recruit:

A formerly high-ranking alliance officer is stripped of their title and forced to start over at the bottom of the social ladder on another ship.

SPACE PIRATES AND NOBLES:

(Looking for someone to play as the royal)

A pirate captain that is believed to be one of the most dangerous and wanted criminals in the known galaxies boards a ship full of royals/wealthy high class nobles that has strayed off course and takes one of them as a prisoner in exchange for sparing the rest of them.

ENSLAVED:

(Looking for someone to play as the master/mistress)

As punishment for their crimes, a criminal is sold off into slavery. A near successful escape attempt sees them literally running into their new owner after months of being turned down by other buyers.

THE WAR OF THE WORLDS:

A intergalactic war is declared by the aliens after one of their ships is shot down by humans despite claims that the incident was not the result of malicious intent or pre-planned. Centuries of peaceful co-existence between the two races are seemingly thrown down the drain as they battle each other for complete control over the known galaxies themselves despite the devastating costs that both sides must regularly pay for as a result of their efforts through either their lives or resources in the hopes of achieving some form of victory.

EXILE:

(Looking for someone to play as a crew member of the human ship)

An alien is found injured and alone onboard a badly damaged ship that has drifted into a human occupied airspace. The unexpected extraterrestrial guest is hostile towards their “alien” rescuers yet is seemingly reluctant to return to their own territory for reasons that they refuse to disclose. With tensions rising across the known galaxies due to rumours being spread about a war that is supposedly on the verge of being declared at any moment, the two species must set aside their biases and work together in order to find out the truth before it’s too late.

To those who have made it this far, thanks for reading! If you are interested in writing with me please shoot me a friend request on discord and send me a introductory message that includes your time zone, your availability, which idea you liked, what ideas you may have, what pairing you want to do and your favourite food so that I know you read the whole post.

Anything that is just “hey, I saw your ad. Wanna rp?” Will be immediately ignored. Introductions are also required even if you are simply inquiring about whether or not I am still looking for new partners and these types of messages will be ignored if they do not contain them.

Discord contact info: tiberionwars

Can’t wait to write with ya!

[dejafanwriting]

Soothing Hands—Creepypasta One-shot [SMUT]

Pairing: Tim(Masky) X Proxy(GN)Reader

Summary: Reader has been suffering from back pain and Tim comes up with an idea to help.

WARNINGS: NSFW(fingering, oral, unprotected sex), some fluff, Praise kink, pet names, teasing, body worship? pleasure dom Tim? slightly sub reader?. I suck at warnings. ['g-spot' is unisex/GN], Language, MINORS DNI. Tim being an absolute sweetheart for his s/o. Big strong Tim makes brain go burr

Wordcount: 3000+

Notes: This is my first time actually posting smut :\ never had the guts to put it out there. Please let me know what you think. Muah :*

[This fic has not been proofread. Please ignore my grammar and punctuation mistakes English is not my first language]

tim/Masky simps come get yo juice

"I fucking hate this job". You grumble under your breath as you, not so effortlessly, drag the bloodied body of an unfortunate trespasser through the dark Slender forest, all while your back and neck scream in pain due to the strain on your muscles.

"I don't think this counts as a job if we don't get paid for it". Tim replies with a low chuckle at your side whilst effortlessly carrying a body over his shoulder. He makes it look so easy and it only contributes to your bad mood.

"Here should be fine", The masked proxy says and drops the body from his shoulder "Rake should be able to sniff them out". You follow along and set the bodies together.

"We should get going before he decides we are also on the menu," you tell the brunette while wiping the mud and blood from your gloved hands. Tim does the same and the both of you turn back and begin to make your way towards the mansion you had begun to call home.

"Ugh, I need a hot bath". You exclaim with a heavy sigh while rubbing the back of your sore neck, trying to ease some of the tension in your muscles.

Being a proxy for the Slenderman was a very demanding "occupation" if it could even be called that, so you were constantly left with aches and sores that seemed to never go away. For the past weeks, you’ve had a particularly constant back pain that had been making your life more miserable.

"Your back still giving you issues?". Tim asks and momentarily shifts his gaze towards your sulking form.

"It feels like it's never going away". You complain and kick a stick from your path. The crunching of leaves and twigs snapping beneath both of your boots fill the quiet cold night of the forest. The both of you walk in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Tim breaks it.

"If you'd like, I could come by your room later and rub your back for you". He suggests and turns to you.

You stop in your tracks and It takes you a couple of seconds to process his request. You study his body language, waiting for him to laugh or show any signs of it being some sort of dirty joke. But he was sincere and showed genuine concern. You blink a couple of times behind your own mask before finally replying.

"W-well it does sound nice, but aren't you busy later?". You ask rubbing the back of your neck, and this time not because of the pain.

"I can ask Brian to finish some of my tasks, he owes me a solid for covering for his ass last time he wanted to take the day. That way I can have more time with you". He replies with a shrug.

Your face heats up at his casual response and you thank the lord for your face covering. While Tim wasn’t the big affectionate type, he would show his love for you in acts of service. He also wasn’t the most available person timewise, so his offering to make time for you stirred something in you.

"Then I'll be waiting for you". You happily reply.

----------------------------------

It had been a couple of hours since you returned to the mansion. You finished one last task before you headed to your room to take a very much-needed bath and rest up. Tim on the other hand, still had other things to do, so he had been out for the past 3 hours or so.

But as promised, before the night ended, the proxy made his way to your assigned room. Tim knocked on your door in a familiar pattern, letting you know it was him before he slowly opened your door and entered.

You were lounging on your small beanbag in the corner of your room sketching away in your notebook, having only your desk lamp on for illumination. Some rock music turned to a low-volume played on your phone. You turn at the sound of your lover entering your room.

Tim greets you with a soft 'hey' as he takes off his sand-colored jacket and hangs it. He then takes off his mask and places it on your nightstand.

"Hi". you greet him with a smile once he turns his unmasked face in your direction, his handsome rough features barely lit by the light of your lamp. "Brian cover for you?".

"He was bitchin' about it, but yea". He replies while kicking off his boots and placing them by your door. The both of you would often spend the night in each other’s room, so you kept spare clothes around for sleeping. Tim made his way to your dresser and grabbed some clean clothes. "I got this from the infirmary, Doc Smiles said it's good for muscle pain relief," Tim says. He takes out a small bottle from his pocket and tosses it to you. You catch it and inspect it closely. The words "sore muscle" and "relief" are like music to your ears.

"This better work because I'm ready to rip my spine out". You tell him with a hopeful sigh.

"Alright then c'mon", Tim, now in fresh clothes, offers out his hand for you to stand. You put your sketchpad down and take his hand. After your bath, you had changed into one of Tim's shirts that fit pretty loosely on your form, and a pair of comfy sleeping shorts. Tim guides you to your bed and lets go of your hand once you're at the edge.

"Lay down and get comfortable". He says with a soft adoring smile that filled your tummy with butterflies and lightly guides you with a hand on your hip. Gentle Tim is something that never fails to get you flustered.

You comply and lay face down and rest your crossed arms and chin on your pillow. You feel the left side of your bed slightly dip under Tim's weight as he sits on the side. You hear the 'pop' of the lotion bottle and feel him shift. Tim's hands are gentle as he places them on your back to lift your shirt just above your shoulders.

"Where does it hurt most?". He asks while slowly gliding his cold hands on your exposed back, making you shiver at the contact. This earns you a soft chuckle from the brunette.

"T-there". You say with a slight grunt as he touches the sorest part of your lower back. Tim hums in acknowledgment and removes his hands from your back to reach for the lotion. He squeezes some onto his hands and rubs them together before placing them back on your back. You’re immediately hit by a soothing cool sensation and you let out a sigh of relief. He begins to slowly rub your back and you can't help but let out another sigh.

"Feels good?". Tim asks with a smirk on his face. The slight menthol scent reaches your nostrils and relaxes you even more.

"Feels like heaven". You manage to mumble out, your voice slightly muffled by the pillow. Tim chuckles once more at your reaction.

He continues to work the lotion all throughout your back, massaging the knots out of your muscles.

"You should consider ditching the whole killing thing and become one of those massage therapists". You say and look back at him over your shoulder.

"If I did, then whos going to do my job?". He asks with a smug smile adorning his features as he continues his motions.

"You said this wasn’t a job if we don't get pa-aaaid ah!" Your sentence is cut off by a moan of pleasure when Tim applies comfortable pressure to your most affected area. You shut your eyes and your face burns when you hear Tim's deep chuckle as he continues to manipulate the muscles. You fail to conceal another slightly louder moan as he goes over the sore spot. The sounds you make combined with your face contorted in pleasure send heat to certain parts of Tim's body and seem to please him even more than you.

His hands begin to drift lower on your body and it sends blood rushing to your sensitive parts. You feel the bed shift and the heat of Tim’s breath hit your exposed upper back.

"You really have been in pain haven't you?". He asks, his voice low and deeper. There's a hint of concern and guilt in his tone. But you can't help but focus on his warm breath against your skin.

Tim brings his lips down and tenderly kisses your skin. The stubble on his chin softly scratches at your skin and sends sparks throughout your body. All your can manage is a weak “mhm” while he rubs lower down your back.

Tim places another gentle kiss further down your back while slowly moving his hands just above the waistband of your shorts.

"I should've asked for a massage sooner ahh~" you tell him between breaths. Tim's lips move lower and so do his hands.

"You shouldn’t have to ask. I'm the one that should’ve offered sooner. It's clearly been affecting you". He speaks lowly, his apologetic undertone pulls at your heartstrings. But the thought of how much he cares for you drives you crazier. Tim's hand motions momentarily stop and he shifts up, closer to your head.

"Let me make it up to you", He breathes into your ear and moves his large hands lower, gently caressing your ass through your shorts. "How's that sound, doll?".

You can't help but let a whimper escape your lips as he massages you a bit firmer. Your skin heats up and you can feel yourself become more turned on.

"Can I take care of you? Replace the pain with pleasure? You want that, baby?". He asks. His voice is husky and he's breathing a bit heavier. Almost pleading for an answer. Hoping that you’d let him alleviate your stress. That you’d let him be the one to help you.

Your heart races and unable to formulate words, you whimper out a soft 'yes'. Tim breathes out a soft relieved sigh and moves to kiss the back of your neck a couple of times. His hands continue to kneed your bottom but become a bit firmer with each kiss.

"I'll take good care of you, beautiful".

You let out a surprised gasp when he teasingly nips at your flesh with his teeth, but it turns into a moan when his hands palm at your heat through your clothing.

You bury your face into your pillow and hug it harder when his hand slides beneath your shorts. You can hear his breath hitch when his hand doesn’t come into contact with more fabric.

"No underwear huh?", He lowly chuckles as his fingers brush between your thighs and the exposed flesh around your entrance. "You really wanted this didn’t you?".

Your cheeks flush redder, if even possible. You'd be lying if you said the idea of having your back rubbed by Tim would end up in sex never crossed your mind. Besides, it wouldn’t have hurt to remove extra clothing just in case.

Tim removes his hand from beneath your clothing, but before you can whine out in protest, he takes a hold of the waistband and tugs down your shorts, the cold air hitting you in a flash. Tim couldn’t help but internally chuckle and admire the goosebumps along your newly exposed flesh.

"Cold?", He asks. "Don't worry baby, I'll warm you up real soon". He soothes and palms the tender flesh of your ass, warming you up and getting rid of the goosebumps as promised. Tim then brings his fingers up to his mouth, coating them with saliva, before bringing them near your entrance.

You inhale a sharp breath as he slowly slides one thick finger into your entrance and slowly begins to pump in and out, before adding a second digit. Your walls clench around his fingers, pulling a groan from the brunette, while they continue to slowly work in and out of your sex.

"You feel pretty warm to me. You sure you cold?". He teases. You can only respond with low muffled moans as his slick fingers spread you open.

His pace quickens and you cry out his name when his fingers hit that spot inside you that makes you fall apart. Your hips jerk back onto his hand and move against his fingers, following his pace. You moan out in pleasure as you chase your climax. You can feel the spring coil within your core and your walls trembling.

"That's it, baby, let go". Tim coaxes you while trying to hold back his own moans. "F-f-f-uck, you're doing so good".

His praise is the final straw before you feel the spring snap, and come undone around his fingers. Your muscles tense and your strangled moans are swallowed by your pillow as the waves of pleasure overtake you.

"There you go", He says while keeping a steady pace, letting you ride your climax. "Relax, beautiful".

Once you slowly came down from your high, Tim's fingers slide out of you. You cant help the small whimper you let out due to the sudden loss.

"Shh it's okay, baby, I got you". He soothes and carcasses your soft flesh.

You feel the bed shift and his body move away from your side. But before you can question him, a moan rips from your throat when you feel his tongue on your heat.

Using his hands to spread apart your legs, Tim laps at your entrance and hums against your sensitive flesh as he saviors your orgasm on his tongue, sending waves of pleasure to your core.

"Ready for more already?". He teases against your flesh. His tongue moves in slow flicking motions against your sex.

"P-please..." You breathe out through clenched teeth as you feel the pleasure between your legs.

"Please? Please what? Tell me what you need, beautiful". He says before delivering a deliciously long slow stroke.

"Tim ahh~!" You cry out his name and arch your back, bringing your heat closer to him.

"Alright, baby, I'll take care of it" He murmured. His body shifts once more and this time you look over your shoulder as Tim starts to remove his shirt revealing his softly sculpted torso. You admire the hair on your lover's strong chest for a few seconds before your eyes move lower and land on the large tent in his sleeping bottoms. You can barely make out the small damp precum spot by the tip of his erection. His eyes immediately shift to yours at the sound of your whimpering and catch your line of sight

"This what you want, baby?" he moves his hand to palm himself through the fabric of his clothes "You want my cock inside you?" He asks.

"Please, Tim", You cry "I need you". You push your ass up towards him. Begging for him to come closer and give you what you need.

"How can I deny my baby anything when they look so beautiful and so ready for me?", His words go straight to your core and pull a soft moan from your throat.

After what feels like painfully endless teasing, Tim finally moves closer to you. His hands tug down at his bottoms, freeing his cock from its confines, and kicks off the piece of clothing. You make a mental note to burn those darn sleeping pants later.

"I'm keeping my word and taking the best care of you" Tim groans and gives his length a few pumps. "So now, let's fix that pretty back of yours".

You turn your head back to grip your pillow as you feel Tim's strong arms take a hold of your hips, pushing your ass up and pulling your body closer to him with ease. You both let out a moan as his cock rubs against your entrance. Thanks to your previous release and Tim's saliva, you're nice and lubed up for his next move.

"You're so ready for me". He says and guides his cock closer to your sex. With one last stroke, he slowly sinks down into your opening. You let out another synced moan as his cock is swallowed by the warmth of your walls.

After a few seconds of adjusting, Tim pushes your back down with one hand, pressing your chest further against the mattress, and pulls your bottom half even closer up to him with the other, making you rest your weight on your knees rather than your thighs. You feel the muscles in your back deliciously stretch at his action and let out a loud moan. You can only pray that all the household members are still out doing their tasks.

"That feels good, baby?" He asks and gives one quick thrust, fully sinking his whole length into you.

"YES! ahh~ yes!". You cry at the sharp weave of pleasure and frantically shake your head at his question.

The sight of your pleasured distress makes Tim's cock throb deep inside you. His chest fills knowing that he's the one ridding you of pain and discomfort, the one making you feel good.

"Please, baby". you basically beg, breaking him out of his trance.

Not wanting to deny you pleasure, Tim rocks his hips against you and begins a slow but rhythmic pace as his cock deliciously stretches your walls. The room is filled with the erotic sound of skin slapping along with your combined cries of pleasure.

"Just ah~ look at you. So beautiful". Tim grunts between thrusts. You cry out louder when his cock slightly rubs against your core. Knowing just what you need, Tim picks up the pace and thrusts deeper into you. The familiar spring inside your core begins to coil once again. "I'll give you what you need, baby".

Tim's arm reaches for your pillow and slightly lifts up your bottom half by the waist, just enough to allow the pillow space to rest between the bed and your pelvis. Your cheek presses directly on the mattress and your back arches, even more, pushing your ass closer to him.

This new angle allows for the tip of his cock to hit your g-spot directly. He then places one hand on each side of your head, successfully caging your body beneath his broad frame and allowing him to anchor his powerful thrusts.

The pleasure becomes almost unbearable as Tim pounds into your sex at a brutal pace. You claw at your bedsheets and you cry out in pleasure, mostly consisting of Tim's name and incoherent words. Your walls flutter around Tim's cock and the coil threatens to snap.

"Go ahead, baby", Tim presses his head against your upper back and nuzzles into you, his sideburns and stubble scratch at your flesh. "Cum on my cock"

With a final few deep thrusts from his cock, you reach your peak with one last cry. Tim continues to plunge into your hole as you ride your second orgasm of the night. Your vision blurs and your body is encased in ecstasy that sends shivers all through you. You can feel his length twitch inside you and his pace becomes slightly reckless.

Tim's orgasm is not far behind. Your walls convulsing around his cock pull him further in, and with one final thrust, he becomes undone inside you. You feel his body tense above you and he buries his head in your neck. Moaning out your name along with a couple of praises and kisses as he fills your insides with his release.

Tim holds that position for a few minutes and once the both of you have regulated your breathing, he slowly pulls out of you and a soft moan escapes the both of you at the loss of connection. Tim gives a few kisses to your back, checking up on you before raising from the bed and fetching a damp rag to clean you up, littering feather-light kisses along your sensitive flesh. He then cleans himself up and puts on a different pair of sleeping pants.

Once you regain the strength to finally move, you pull Tim's shirt back down your body, and turn to face your partner. A love drunken smile is plastered along his handsome features as he takes in your relaxed form.

"You look so beautiful" You whisper with a lazy smile of your own and reach out towards him with grabby hands. He immediately complies and lays beside you, pulling you into his strong arms.

"Look whos talking", He groans into your hair and caresses your skin, "You're the one that looks like they can give an angel a run for their money".

You cuddle into each other and you lay your head against his chest, listening to the still softly playing music combined with his steadying heartbeat, before a small giggle escapes your lips.

"What is it?". Tim asks you with a chuckle that rumbles from his chest.

"My back doesn’t hurt anymore". You perk up with a giggle.

The both of you pause for a few silent seconds, before bursting into a fit of laughter.

-----------------------------------

BONUS:

"No fair". A very grumpy Brian grumbles under his breath.

After complying and paying back his owed favor, the yellow hooded man tiredly sulks up the last few steps and onto the floor he shares with the rest of the proxies and heads towards his assigned room in the Slender mansion.

A series of muffled cries and groans make him stop in his tracks when he passes your room. Immediately knowing what that indicated, the proxy lets out a stream of curses.

"You fucking white-masked bastard!!" He growled before stomping off to his room.

------------------------------

I may or may not have gone crazy on this one. The word count is crazy for such filthy writing.

Let me know if you have any ideas, suggestions, or requests.

Love- Deja 👻

[yoonpobs]

with you | ksj | m

marrying your childhood best friend was not the love story that most painted it to be. you knew that better than anyone else.

PAIRING. kim seokjin x reader

GENRE. marriage!au, divorce!au, childhood friends2lovers!au, angst, fluff, smut

WARNINGS. dilf jin, mentions of divorce (it's literally the plot😭), marriage problems, jin is kind of an asshole (who redeems himself!!!-ish), slight jealousy, soft sex, crying during sex, oral (f receiving), bigdick!jin, oc is a crybaby who tries not to cry 99.9% of this fic

WORDS. 22.1k

NOTE. it's here!!!!! I've been working on this fic for a while and im somewhat pleased with how it turned out!!!! i apologise for any errors/edit mistakes bc I run through it on my own so I may overlook some grammar issues etc ...

anywho, I hope you enjoy this fic!!!! as always - my asks are open to let me know how you felt about this fic <3

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“What is this?” he blinks.

“Divorce papers,” you say softly, smoothing out the surface while you avoid his eyes.

“You want,” he says slowly, eyebrows furrowing as he attempts to process your words. “You want a … divorce?”

You hate that he sounds so nonchalant like you weren’t mulling over this decision for the past three months as you found yourself losing hope in your marriage with each passing day. But for as long as you’ve known Jin, he’s always been like this. A little hard to understand, straightforward but never intentionally malicious. He just somehow ended up hurting people without him realising it.

“Yes,” you say.

“What about Jiho?”

The reminder of your son makes your heart drop to the pit of your stomach, but you were prepared for this question. In fact, your son was the only thing that made you hesitate your decision for another month because divorces were messy and even if Jiho was just four years old and probably too young to understand—he was perceptive and you didn’t want to put him through the taxing emotions of having his parents go through a divorce.

But you were exhausted of fighting alone and returning to a home that feels more isolating than welcoming.

“We’ll share custody,” you narrate the exact words you’ve been mulling over for the past few months, even if it breaks your heart to say them.

“What prompted this?” It hurts even more when Jin flips through the papers as he would with any other of his business contracts, and it’s a harsh reminder that your marriage was reaching an invincible expiry date that you wanted to ignore.

“We …” you hesitate, fingers clutching the fabric of your dress as you purse your lips. Was there a reason to justify your decision anymore, when you’ve fought tooth and nail for the past four months to be heard? To be seen as someone who wasn’t just his wife on paper but a person to be nurtured? You force yourself to look ahead, even when Jin raises an eyebrow at your silence. You settle for a soft response instead. “I think it’s for the best.”

Jin opens his mouth to say something but decides against it before he slides the papers towards him, and you half-expect him to sign it and tell you to leave. The thought only makes your heart shatter even more—because four years of marriage, a child—gone, just like that.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he offers you a curt nod with a look you can’t quite decipher.

“I’ll get back to you,” he says.

You blink, especially when he pushes himself off his desk and extends a hand towards you as if he’d expected you to grab it. The gesture doesn’t fit in with the context of the conversation, much less the emotions that thrash wildly in your heart.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

“Lunch,” he says, “I haven’t had it with you in a while.”

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“That took a while,” Taehyung points out when you clamber back into your office.

“I had lunch,” you respond curtly as you hang your jacket on the coat hanger while you attempt to ease the pressing headache between your temples.

“Alone?” He raises a brow.

“With Jin.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen as you plop onto the empty seat next to him. Your son’s fidgeting in his lap as your assistant types away at his laptop, and you’re absolutely exhausted so you extend your arms towards Jiho, who immediately turns to you with a toothy grin and leaps off Taehyung’s lap.

“Hi baby,” you press a kiss to his cheek, immediately seeking warmth in your son’s chubby body.

“Hi mama,” he returns, pressing a plush cheek into your chest when you squeeze him.

You try to keep your tears at bay, even if it’s just having your son in your arms. He doesn’t know the day you had or the meal you shared with his father. The man you married and decided to have a child with. Jiho doesn’t know that it’s over—and it hurts. It hurts because he deserved a family filled with love.

“How did it go?” Taehyung asks tentatively, swirling in his chair until he’s facing you.

You know he’s concerned. He was probably the person that received the news with the most shock, granted he was currently the only person that knew besides Jin. Taehyung has been your assistant before you relocated to this larger office and before your business set its course, and even when you and Jin were just dating. So, he knows—he knows how hard you’ve tried and when you decided that it was over.

“He didn’t even try,” you croak, eyes fluttering shut as you attempt to level your breathing to not alarm your son, “Just took the papers and said he’d get back to me.”

“He didn’t sign it?” Taehyung asks in slight surprise.

“No,” you murmur, peering down to see your son fiddling with a ribbon that sticks out your dress, “I didn’t want to ask why.”

Taehyung purses his lips before he reaches out to squeeze your available hand. The gesture is enough to remind you of what you just did—the conversation you just had with Jin, and it’s enough for your entire facade to go crumbling again.

But you don’t cry because your son is unaware of the conflict that exists between you and his father, you don’t cry because one of you needed to be strong and it had to be you.

“I’m sorry.” His apology is sincere but frankly, useless. But you don’t tell him that even if that’s all that plagues your mind. You know Taehyung knows this too, but you suppose it’s the best either of you can offer right now.

“Don’t be,” you laugh humourlessly, “You’re not the one that failed in this marriage.”

“You didn’t fail, ____,” he says sternly, “It just—some things don’t work out.”

Your lips wobble again, looking up so your son doesn’t spot your tears.

“I thought we would,” you croak, “I tried. I tried—so hard. But it still wasn’t enough.”

Taehyung stays silent, and your son is mumbling something under his breath. When you peer down, his smile remains innocent and oblivious to the world that’s falling apart right in front of his eyes.

“Mama, look,” he squeals as he lifts up an arm that he’s somehow managed to scribble on, “Mama, daddy, me!”

Taehyung has to take Jiho when you excuse yourself to the bathroom.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“What do you mean he hasn’t signed it?” You hiss, holding the phone between your ear and your shoulder as you attempt to shove old documents into the shredder.

“He … hasn’t,” Jimin, Jin’s assistant, says lamely over the line as you feel your headache return.

“Jimin, you’re his assistant,” you remind him sternly, “It’s literally your job to make sure he gets shit done.”

“I know!” He exclaims before he’s sighing, “He’s just—he keeps putting it off. I really can’t do much, ____.”

You chuck the last bit of papers aside before you’re grabbing your phone from in-between your ear and shoulders before you’re leaning against a desk, pinching the bridge of your nose in irritation.

It’s been a week since you visited Jin at his office propositioning him with a divorce, yet, the papers remain vacant from his signature that solidified the termination of your legal union. You were more so irritated than hurt right now, purely because you wanted actual documents to present to your lawyer and your parents before you told them that you and Jin were getting a divorce.

It’s also been a week since Jin’s came home, and you’re partly thankful that he did that on his own because that was another painful conversation you weren’t quite ready to have. Not that he came home at an acceptable hour anyway. But it’s almost daunting at how the bed remains cool where he used to lay, even if he’d disappear hours before your awakening.

“Just,” you exhale, “Please get him to sign it, Jimin. I’m tired.”

You can hear some shuffling on the other end and you assume it’s him moving to another place with the way the office chatter gets distinctively quieter the longer time passes.

“Do you,” he starts, “do you really have to do this?”

You sigh, already bracing for his comment.

If Taehyung knew you and Jin before you got married, Jimin was the person that got the two of you together. The instigator that insisted that the feelings and mutual, and that the chance should be taken. You believed him ten years ago when you were younger and in high school, oblivious to what the future held. You wanted to resent him for how things out but you knew it was irrational. You would’ve fallen in love with Jin with or without Jimin’s intervention.

He was that easy to love.

The bitter reminder that the divorce seemed easy for him to accept, even without the signature, plagues your mind as you hear Jimin call your name once more.

“Do you think this was my first option?” you snap, and immediately the silence is tense. “I was backed into a corner, Jimin. There’s no point in Jin and I remaining married if—if nothing about our relationship feels like a marriage anymore.”

“What about Jiho?” he throws back the same question Jin posed at you when you first came to him with the divorce.

You grit your teeth, your heart inevitably clenching at the guilt that’s yet to subside. It only hurt more because you knew Jimin didn’t mean it to hurt you, but it did—it did because it wasn’t easy.

“I’m not taking him away from Jin,” you whisper, “I can’t—I would never do that.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Jimin says softly.

“I know,” you reply, equally as soft as your eyes dart to the ground, “I hate this, Jimin. I do. But I rather Jiho grow up with two parents who aren’t together than two parents who live together but not even talk.”

Jimin stays silent, and you know that he’s heavily contemplating his next set of words.

You beat him to it with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “I didn’t mean to unload.”

“Please don’t apologise,” he says, “I just … have you tried speaking to Jin?”

You scoff bitterly at the suggestion, and you know that you shouldn’t be taking it out on Jimin, who’s both Jin’s assistant and your close friend—but the nudge to recall the times you’ve tried, tried so hard to patch things up by planning mini-dates that he rain checked more than enough times for you to want to try again—only leaves you feeling sour.

“He clearly doesn’t mind if he says he’ll get back to me,” you say bitterly.

“Have you considered that maybe he only said that because—”

At that moment, your intercom goes off and you briefly hear Taehyung’s static voice filter through the speaker.

“Hold on, Jimin,” you rush as you put your hand to the speaker to lean forward to press the intercom. “Tae?”

“You have an appointment,” he says slowly, and your eyebrows furrow at his odd tone.

“I do?” You say with a puzzled expression, “I don’t remember scheduling an appointment—”

“Well, this isn’t really an appointment,” he laughs tightly.

“Tae,” you frown, “What are you saying?”

“She’s already—”

And at impeccable timing, a rapt knock is delivered to your door as you further scrunch your eyebrows in confusion.

“Jimin, I need to go. I have a visitor,” you bring the phone back up to your ear as you begin heading towards the door.

“No worries,” he clips, “Take care, okay?” He says softly.

You mumble a word of gratitude before you’re hanging up, hand already reaching out to turn to the knob to greet your guest.

You’re still confused before you come face-to-face with them, but the moment the door opens as you plaster a smile to greet your guest—your grin immediately freezes as you spot the one person that you surely didn’t expect to visit your workplace on a weekend, let alone at all.

“E-Eomeonim,” you stutter, eyes briefing landing on Taehyung’s apologetic expression behind your guest's elegant posture.

“Myeoneuri,” she immediately beams, leaning forward to embrace you into a hug that you’re still too stunned to properly returned, and it’s not until she pulls back with furrowed brows that you return the gesture, still frozen in shock as you lean your head against her shoulder.

“What brings you here?” You ask, forcing a smile at the sudden grant of her presence as you shut the door behind you, immediately guiding her towards the empty couch as you head towards your cupboards to bring out the glasses for drinks.

“Ah,” she laughs, gently and polished as ever as you keep your head-trained over your shoulder to engage in eye contact as you pour her some water, “Can’t I visit my daughter-in-law?”

The term doesn’t fall on deaf ears and you force yourself to laugh, even if you know that the term wouldn’t be applicable for much longer. You feel like a fraud, inviting her into your office and offering her water as if you weren’t over at her son’s office a week ago with papers that would immediately terminate any relationship you had with him—or her. Legally, at least.

She was still your son's grandmother and overall, a lovely person.

You grew up with her right next to your house, being the second mother in your life especially when she used to house you on nights where your parents were out of town as you integrated with her two sons and their antics. She cooked for you and treated you like you were her own daughter. Those things didn’t go away just because you were divorcing Jin.

“Of course,” you smile softly as you pass her a glass with two hands, “It’s nice to see you.”

She chuckles politely before taking a sip and setting the glass onto the table, eyes travelling around your office as she takes in your interior.

She’s been here on a few occasions, but they’ve been sprawled out over the years so there have definitely been some changes from when she last came. She doesn’t visit often—to your office, at least—she never had a reason to. So it’s all the more startling and nerve-wracking when she appeared today, conveniently after you proposed a divorce she’s yet to know about.

“I was thinking about you,” she says softly, peering up through her lashes as you gulp, fingers shaking ever so slightly when you take a sip of your drink yourself.

“You’re always free to visit, eomeonim,” you return politely, bowing your head.

She scoffs playfully, waving you off as she leans backwards into your plush couch.

“Don’t be so stiff with me, ____,” she teases, “I’ve changed your diapers.”

You flush at the reminder, and it’s both in fondness and in relative hurt because your family and hers were tight-knit from the very beginning. Your mother and she were best friends even before the two of you were born, and it’s only natural that their children ended up becoming friends. It was always a running joke that they’d hope you and Jin would fall in love and marry—and when it happened, the both of them were ecstatic.

It wasn’t as if they planned it, but fate worked out funnily sometimes. Even when you dated other people in the midst of unsure feelings in high school, you always found yourself returning to Jin. Whether it be in the form of comfort, or a laugh, or just a shoulder to lean on—you always found yourself on the front of his porch, eagerly waiting for another moment with him.

“I know,” you sigh with a small smile, “It’s crazy how long it’s been.”

“Thirty-two years,” she reminds.

You exhale, remember that you were in fact thirty-two this year. The thought that settles is one that is intrusive and annoying, purely because you couldn’t go a moment without remembering the divorce. Your age is another bitter reminder that you’ve really hit the mark with it, essentially starting over when you and Jin promised each other forever.

You take another sip to keep your tears behind.

“Anyway,” she continues as she rests her eyes on you. Her gaze is concerned and you’re stuttering, wondering if you were that obvious—if your face held all your emotions or if she was just that observant. When she speaks, you brace yourself for the worst. “I’ve been trying to contact that son of mine but he keeps sending me to his darned assistant.”

You relax ever so slightly as your lips twitch in a smile.

“Jiminie?” You ask amusedly.

“When he’s getting in the way of talking to my son, he’s a darned assistant,” she huffs, crossing her arms across her chest as you laugh.

“Even now, they’re inseparable,” you comment mindlessly, remembering all the times they used to get into trouble together in high school.

“For the wrong reasons,” she sighs, “That’s why I’m here, actually.”

You raise a brow, “Oh?”

“Seokjung’s planning on proposing,” she informs with an excited grin as your eyes widen.

“Oh my God,” you breath, equally as pleased to hear the news, “Finally? I’m so happy for him and Ah-reum.”

Your mother-in-law sighs wistfully as she smiles tenderly at you, reaching a hand out to squeeze yours as her eyes turn solemn.

“I am too,” she says softly, “My two son’s—Gosh.”

Your hand stiffens under her touch, but you don’t make an effort to correct her. She looks far too happy and emotional at the thought itself that you don’t have the heart to ruin that dream for her. You swallow the lump in your throat and the visual of the divorce papers that plague your mind as you offer a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Yeah,” you say breathlessly, “I’m really happy for Seokjung.”

She nods, smiling at you before squeezing your hand again.

“I wanted to let you know myself,” she says, “I was meant to tell Jin but clearly, he’s caught up in whatever work he has,” she rolls her eyes before shooting you a pointed stare. “Make sure you make time for each other, even if he’s busy. That boy always drowns himself in work.”

Your face falls for a split second, but you immediately correct it when you realise the look of concern that marks her face.

You know her comment was made in good faith, she had no idea of your impending divorce … did she? But despite her voice mulling slightly under a whisper, you find that your heart betrays your blank face when it clenches. You should’ve made time for each other. Even if he was busy. You tried—and you failed.

“O-Of course,” you say, squeezing her hand in return.

“Make sure that the three of you spend time together,” she says softly, and you’re terrified that she knows when she mentions your son. “A relationship requires constant effort and dedication.”

“Of course,” you swallow, “I will.”

You hate yourself for lying to her, but you hope that she knows that you tried. That you really tried to pick up whatever that was lost—but some things would inevitably remain shattered.

“Tell Jin to take it easy,” she murmurs, “I worry for him sometimes.”

You nod your head mutely, agreeing silently.

“I’m”—she chokes, suddenly teary as your eyes widen in alarm—“I’m really glad that you have each other.”

It’s another blow that you receive, but force yourself to smile through.

“Eomeonim …” you say quietly, the guilt nabbing away at your heart.

She waves you off, laughing softly before she’s swabbing gently under her eyes to rid of the tears. And as always, she remains stunning as ever—the stark features of Jin apparent on her face, and the resemblance only makes your heart clench even further.

“Your mother and I would always joke about having our kids get married,” she reminisces as you smile tightly at her. “We never thought it would actually happen—but you and Jin …” she trails off with a fond smile, “It made sense. Like it was always meant to happen.”

You can’t take it anymore, but you weren’t allowed to pick your battles this time. You swallow the lump in your throat and hold her hand a little tighter as if an apology was worthy enough to be traced into the wrinkles of her palm. For now, this was all you could offer.

“Thank you, eomeonim,” you whisper, and it’s more than just the words she’s said, but how she’s treated you up until now. An apology also rests on your tongue, but that’s for a later date. When you and Jin no longer share the title of married.

“Don’t thank me,” she scoffs, “Thank you for making Jin’s life brighter. For bringing Jiho into this world.”

You swallow.

“Of course,” you smile, “He’s made mine too.”

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“You’re here,” Jimin blinks, opening the door to let you in as you give him a tight smile.

“I wish I wasn’t,” you mutter under your breath as the two of you walk side-by-side down a familiar hall.

“Listen—” he begins but you cut him off, already too tired to engage with him attempting to convince you otherwise on the divorce.

“I really can’t do this right now, Jimin,” you say quietly and he looks at you with an apologetic look that you ignore to save your heart from more tears. “I’m only here because Jin isn’t answering his mother’s damn calls.”

“He’s in the middle of an important business deal,” Jimin says weakly.

“When is he not?” You roll your eyes as you huff, feet clacking against the marble as you turn into a familiar corridor where your eyes rest on the plague with the name of your husband, a name that you’ve welcomed into your life and in your son's name—a name that you’ve grown up with. You push aside the ache in your heart as you reach towards the door to knock. “Listen, I know you’re his best friend and his assistant but … tell him to remember that his job isn’t the only important thing in his life, yeah?”

Jimin doesn’t say anything but waits with you, and you briefly hear the shuffling of feet from the other end. You can tell Jimin wants to say something with the way that he’s impatiently tapping his feet against the ground, and you don’t placate him like you usually do because you know that you weren’t ready to hear whatever he had to say.

“Jin’s—”

The door swings open, and it isn’t Jin that you see. It’s—

“Isa,” you smile tightly.

“____,” she exclaims, immediately trotting over in her heels as she towers over you, arms wrapping you into a hug that you don’t expect. When she pulls away, you see her bright teeth in between her red lips. “You’re glowing! Are you pregnant?”

You shoot her a blank look, and you feel Jimin’s eyes widen.

“I’m not,” you say dryly.

“Oh,” she blinks, “Could’ve sworn you were,” she says off-handedly before she moves out the way, only for Jin to appear behind her with a vacant expression on his face, eyes immediately falling onto your unimpressed figure.

“____?” He furrows his eyebrows, “What are you doing here?”

You push past Isa, who you briefly see from the corner of your eye, press two rather friendly kisses onto your husband—well, soon to be ex-husbands—cheeks. She’s always done that, claiming that it was from her French roots even if you knew deep down that she had the hots for her husband. You don’t want to know why she’s here, appropriately right when you and Jin were in the middle of a divorce. Unless she’s representing him as his lawyer, you didn’t want to humour the thought.

“Your mother says you aren’t answering her,” you don’t spare him another glance, or Jimin, who is all but offering you a timid smile right before he shuts the door to the office, leaving you and Jin alone.

“I’ve been busy,” he replies.

“You couldn’t even just send a damn text to your own mother?” you ask irritatedly as you plop into a seat in front of his desk.

“I had Jimin do it,” he says with a frown.

You roll your eyes, bitter that you had to be here—bitter about the divorce—bitter about gorgeous Isa who just left his office. You were bitter about everything, and now you were here, with your soon-to-be ex-husband.

“Really, Jin,” you deadpan, “You couldn’t even spare two seconds to let your mom know that you were—I don’t know—alive?”

He sighs as if you were pointing out irrational facts and not attempting to get him to do things himself for once. To maintain relationships with people without a damn middleman. You were a victim once, and you sure as hell wouldn’t let his mom suffer the same painful fate as you did.

“It’s been hectic at the office,” he says curtly, “I did eventually get back to her.”

“Yeah,” you scoff, “After she visited me at my office.”

“She visited you?” he furrows his brows.

You roll your eyes, “It doesn’t matter. She told me that your brother is planning on proposing and she’s expecting us to be there at the engagement party.”

“I know,” he sighs, “I don’t think I can make it.”

You still.

“What?”

“The investors planned for a meeting that same week and I—”

“He’s your brother,” you splutter in disbelief, rage slowly assimilating in your blood when Jin shoots you with another blank look that you’ve grown to resent, especially recently.

“I can’t do anything about the investors, ____,” he frowns.

“You’re the CEO!” you balk, “You call the shots. You literally make the rules. He’s getting engaged and you can’t even try to make it?”

His brows turn downwards at your harsh tone, but you were unbothered. The disbelief that marks your face is reflective of how your heart slowly burns in anger, the way that your fists clench by your side. Even now, as you attempt to knock some sense of rationality into Jin—you find yourself exhausted. It’s because—this—is familiar. It’s the same routine you found yourself fighting against, now only applied to his direct family. If you weren’t considered that.

“They’re flying in from the States,” he says pointedly.

“And that matters more than your brother because?” You scoff, narrowing your eyes at him, “Don’t be fucking selfish, Seokjin.”

You don’t think you’ve referred to him as his full name in years. Even before the two of you dated. You always called him Jin because it was more intimate that way. Only business associates that he was professional with called him Seokjin. It was an unspoken rule that Seokjin was the persona he adapted with people that he needed on his side, not people he wanted by his side.

You’re too busy seething to see the way his face drops ever so slightly, but he’s quick to correct himself when he purses his lips at you.

“I’m at crossroads, ____,” he snaps, “On one hand, it’s my brother who I’m going to disappoint, or—it’s the ten investors that are eager on investing in this company. I can’t win—and right now, I need them on my side.”

“I can’t believe that you actually need to choose who’s more important right now,” you laugh humourlessly, eyes meeting his for a split second as you frown. “It’s your family, Seokjin. It’ll always be your family. You choose your family—you—you choose the people you love.”

Your words are venomous and purposeful when you spit at him, immediately pushing yourself off the seat. Your words refer to more than his brother, or his mother. It’s personal—and it hurts. You didn’t want him to see you cry, you don’t think he’d care anyway.

“Wait,” he sighs, following you until he’s at your door, hand blocking you from leaving, “I …”

You turn around, eyes fluttering shut as you even out your breathing. When you open them, it’s intuitive for you to believe that you were able to read him, especially after a decade of being together—but you can’t. Your eyes are blurred with more than just your fatigue, but it’s disappointment too.

“What?” you sigh, “I don’t—I don’t care what you do Seokjin. But just know that when you’re closing whatever damned business deal you have for profits—your family is missing you.”

You turn to leave, not expecting him to do anything further than where you’ve left it at—but his hand reaches for your shoulder to stop you, your body tensing at his touch that you haven’t felt in a long time.

“I’ll,” he begins, nibbling on his lip when you raise a brow at him. It’s the most you’ve gotten out from him in a long time, but it’s not enough for you to read what the hell is going on in his mind. “I’ll be there.”

You roll your eyes, “Whatever. I’ll believe it when I see it happen.”

You go to push his hand off but his grip remains firm on your shoulder as he furrows his brows at you.

“We’ll go together,” he says.

You blink.

“I can go there myself,” you clip back curtly.

“They don’t know,” he blinks, “Right?”

He’s talking about the divorce.

Your body stills under his grip as you scowl.

“Of course they don’t,” you snap, “I won’t do that to your mom,” you say softly, “Not now.”

He doesn’t ask you to elaborate, even when your eyes turn sad as they dart to the floor.

“Then we’ll go together,” he says simply, “It’s easier that way.”

You don’t argue anymore because your mind just recalls the conversation you shared with his mother, the woman who’s simultaneously raised you along with your own mother. The woman you’ve shared fond memories with, and the woman whose heart you were inevitably going to break with the news of the divorce.

“Fine,” you sigh, finally shrugging off his hand as you turn towards the door to finally leave.

The door opens, and you’re already halfway out when his voice interrupts you.

“Your dress,” he says softly.

You stop, turning your head slowly as you raise a brow.

“… my dress?” You look down at your attire and you note that it’s a simple knee-length dress that you’ve had for years. It was strapless, but casual enough for you to wear on a daily basis—and definitely nothing noteworthy about it.

“You wore it during our honeymoon,” he states as your body locks at the mention of the memory.

You don’t even remember if you did—so you can’t confirm whether or not he was pulling your leg. But the look that Jin sends you is … you can’t quite put a word to it but it looks soft. Gentle, almost fond. But it goes as quick as it comes before he’s offering you a small smile.

“I don’t remember,” you say bluntly.

His face remains blank, even if there’s a slight drop at his lips.

“Well,” he clears his throat before he steps out of the way to make space for your departure, “You look beautiful.”

The compliment steals your breath away, not because he’s never said it before but because it’s unexpected. It’s unexpected because you were divorcing him, and you haven’t heard those words leave his lips in a long time—directed to you, at least. You’re breathless because your heart is ramming against your chest, and there’s a painful feeling lingering.

You also remember the woman that’s left his office. You know it’s irrational for you to feel this way when you were the one that suggested the divorce. But it’s only proof at his options, especially when he was … he was him.

It’s hope—but you’re not an idiot to allow yourself to burn twice.

“I,” you croak, shaking your head as you manage a tight nod, “Thank you.”

When you leave, you have to force your tears back—without sparing another glance at Jin. When Jimin passes by you, he knows well enough not to ask.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“Have you got everything?” Taehyung asks, helping you with the bag filled with Jiho’s things as you snort at his overeagerness of getting you out of the office.

“Yes, Tae, I have,” you say with an amused grin. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you actually cared about my well-being.”

He gasps with a faux sense of offence as he places a hand on his chest, shooting you a look that you roll your eyes at.

“Of course I do!” He pouts, “My boss is getting the break she deserves,” he says before peering down to Jiho, who’s tiredly dozing off in your arms since it was in the wee hours of the morning, “But I’ll definitely miss this one.”

He pokes Jiho softly on the cheek but your son doesn’t even so budge. He’s exhausted, and you were too—but you were more used to staying up late packing last-minute than your son was so you brush his hair gently before placing a soft peck to the crown of his head.

You know Taehyung will miss Jiho, purely because you’ve been at the office more than your home through the past week. You couldn’t bear to return to a space that was void and only had the title of a home when it didn’t feel like it anymore. It was the most difficult explaining to Jiho, who sought his dad’s attention and you couldn’t give it to him. A business trip was the best you got.

“Thank you, by the way,” you smile gratefully at your assistant as the three of you are taken down to the lobby of your office via the lift.

“Don’t,” he says sternly as you giggle softly at his tone, “Thank you for leaving.”

“I knew it,” you narrow your eyes as you stick your tongue out at him. “You’re just happy that I’m gone.”

“It’s four days,” he reminds, “You need a longer break. You’ve been working non-stop.”

You know his jibe is stern despite his light tone, purely because he’s aware of your tendency to ignore your problems by overworking yourself. He’s seen you devote all your energy to reports and analysing data than acknowledge the impending shatter in your heart.

“That’s long enough,” you sigh, “Make sure you—”

“Yes,” he groans as the two of you finally reach the lobby, offering a polite smile toward the receptionist as he returns the gesture. “Did you forget that I’m your assistant? God forbid I’m incompetent.”

You sniff even if you don’t disagree. You didn’t hire him just because he was your friend, but because he’s proven himself over and over again on his capabilities, you needed someone that was lax enough to balance out your perfectionist tendencies but also precise with his work. Taehyung was the perfect mixture of that—so it made sense that he’s stuck with you since you first hired him.

“Call me if you need anything,” you remind as the two of you spot Jin’s car, a sleek range rover fit for the rather long travel. You let out an exhale at the prospect of being in a car with your own husband for the next four hours as you travel out to his family vacation home, but your son needed you—and he needed his dad, so you brace yourself.

“Yes,” he sighs, and you see Jin step out of the car, a t-shirt and sweats combo that you adored him in. You look away.

“Taehyung,” you hear Jin greet your assistant as the two males engage in a rather amicable bro-hug.

“Hey, hyung,” he smiles softly, “How are you?”

You busy yourself with making sure that Jiho’s head doesn’t slip off your shoulders, but you note that your son’s awake this time—sensing the presence of his father as he groggily flutters his eyes open to search for him.

“Could’ve been better,” Jin returns, though not unkindly as his eyes dart towards his son, eyes softening immediately when Jiho calls for him through a mumble.

“Daddy?” He mumbles, immediately shaking out of your grasp as he extends his arms to be held by Jin. You swallow, but you allow Jin to take him from you. He hasn’t seen your son in over a week, and you would never be the person that deprived him from his own blood.

“Jiho,” he whispers, “Tired, bud?”

Your son nods his head, immediately snuggling into the comfort of his father’s chest as you force yourself to look away, distracting your mind as you help Taehyung load your belongings into the boot of Jin’s car.

“Where were you?” Your son asks innocently, “Mama said trip.”

“Yeah,” Jin says breathlessly, eyes meeting yours for a split second as you look away. “Missed you so much.”

“We miss you too,” Jiho pouts, and you don’t correct him when he alludes to you either.

“You okay?” Taehyung whispers, hand clasping your shoulder as you blink away the heat behind your eyelids. It was too early to cry, and you’ve spent the past week crying at random intervals so you were tired of shedding tears.

“I’ll survive,” you smile tightly as Taehyung finally loads the last bag, closing the boot with a button before shuffling back to the curb where Jin continues to cradle your son in his arms.

You’ve known him before you could properly speak, and you intimately recognise the expression on his face. He looks … sad. And it’s the most emotion you’ve seen on his face ever since you approached him with the divorce. You know that the worst part of it all is that Jiho is caught in the crossfire, and what hurts the most is that you didn’t want him to be.

“Thank you,” Jin looks over to Taehyung before he reaches out to give him a semi-awkward hug due to the little boy in his arms. “For taking care of the both of them.”

You almost don’t catch it, but you do despite the hushed tone he takes. Your eyes dart to the ground before you head towards the door to the passenger seat, already too overwhelmed at the break of dawn.

You enter the car, taking a deep breath to even out your breathing and force your tears back. You hated yourself for crying so easily but you knew that it wasn’t just your crybaby tendencies, but it was the pent up emotions that you’ve suppressed for months resurfacing after months of repression. You catch the two men through the side-mirror in a rather intense conversation, though you don’t hear anything of what they’re saying. You know they’re not raising their voices because Jiho finds it peaceful enough to drift off into slumber.

When Taehyung catches your eyes through the side-mirror, he offers you a smile, one that you can’t quite read before he’s patting Jin on the back and giving him one last solemn look.

He’s quick to set Jiho at the backseat, fastening him in the booster seat and placing a soft pillow to support his neck. Your heart both grows fond and tighter when he places a soft kiss on your son’s forehead before carefully shutting the door, quickly entering the driver’s seat as he fastens himself in.

“There’s pineapple juice and gummies, by the way,” Jin breaks the silence as your eyes snap to his figure.

“Oh.”

“I know you don’t like travelling without them,” he mentions while he simultaneously setting up the GPS.

“I—thank you,” you reply softly, eyes dropping to the middle console, and in fact, spotting your favourite brand of pineapple juice and gummies sitting comfortably, waiting for your consumption.

You swallow, deciding against digging in immediately.

“My phone’s already connected to the Bluetooth so you can play any song,” he tells you, “The password’s the same.”

Your breath hitches. His password, the one he’s kept since college even if you’ve berated him for it on multiple occasions because of how predictable it was. Your anniversary date, the day when he first asked you to be his girlfriend. Even after you got married, he never changed it to your wedding anniversary date because he didn’t need to. He was that sentimental, proposing to you on the same day as when he first asked you out.

God, what was he doing to your heart?

You don’t say anything when you reach for his phone, and it’s like the universe is dead-set on reminding you of all the memories you shared with him when you spot the picture at the back of his clear phone case.

A polaroid of the both of you on your wedding night, face smushed with cake as the two of you double over in laughter.

Don’t cry, you tell yourself.

You type in the password when Jin finally ignites the engine, pulling out of the lobby as you finally start your four-hour journey. When you scroll through his phone to find the music app, you’re also surprised to see a familiar playlist.

“You still listen to it?” you find yourself asking, despite your heart clenching again.

Jin looks over his shoulder to catch a glance at his phone that was in your hands to see what you were talking about before he nods.

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “I don’t really listen to anything else.”

It’s the playlist the two of you made when you were rather drunk one night during your marriage. A random playlist filled with songs that didn’t really go well together, from upbeat tracks to mellow ballads that have your heart weeping and to R&B songs that set the mood.

It’s the millionth time that you swallow your tears, and you know it’s not going to be the last. It’s because it’s been less than twenty minutes back in close vicinity with Jin when you’re reminded that your lives are both so intertwined with one another that every aspect of his and your lives have remainders of your essences. Whether it be the scarf you precariously spotted at the back of the seat you remember leaving, or whether it was the keychain that dangles from his rearview mirror—or the damn playlist.

It was everything, and it hurt that you had to let it go.

You play a song that’s in the middle. Safe. A quiet tune that filters through the speakers as you turn the volume lower so that it wouldn’t startle your son awake.

“If you get tired halfway just let me know and I can take over,” you inform him.

You’re surprised to hear Jin scoff with a shake of his head, though when you turn to look at him, there’s a small smile on his face.

“You’re a terrible driver, so no,” he laughs.

You gasp, squinting your eyes at him.

You’ve gotten … better. Though your better was still debatably worse than the average person, it was progress nevertheless!

“I won’t get us killed,” you hiss at him, pouting as you cross your arms across your chest, “Besides, I don’t trust myself to drive if you’re not around, anyway.”

You don’t realise what you said, or the implications behind it. But you think Jin does when he flicks his eyes over to you, staring softly as you blatantly miss it to continue pouting while you stare forward, grumbling about being a better driver as he can’t take his eyes off of you.

“Don’t worry,” he says so quietly that you almost miss it, “Get some rest. I’ll drive us.”

You open your mouth to argue but the look he gives you makes you clamp your mouth shut in defeat. In all the times you’ve travelled by car with Jin, you don’t think you’ve ever driven the both of you, or even when Jiho became an addition to the family, because Jin was always so insistent on doing the heavy loaded things.

It was something that both annoyed you, but you were grateful for. You knew when Jin offered to do stereotypically husband things such as carrying the groceries, building furniture or driving you everywhere—it never came from a place where he believed you couldn’t do it. He knew you could because whenever he wasn’t around you did those things yourself, and dare you say, even better than him (with the exception of the driving). It was because he wanted to do these things for you, to have you worry about nothing but just yourself, him and Jiho.

The thoughts plague your mind, and suddenly everything is bitter again. You almost deluded yourself into thinking that things were normal and this was a normal family trip. But it wasn’t. Because you were inevitably going to get divorced, once he signed those papers.

“Hey, Jin?” you call.

He hums noncommittally as you fiddle with your fingers.

“When are you going to sign the papers?”

The question stills in the tense air, and you don’t catch the way his shoulders lock into position at your question.

“Soon,” he says curtly.

You nod your head slowly, eyes drifting out the window as you keep your sigh to yourself.

Yeah, it’d be over soon.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“You’re going the wrong way.”

“I’m literally following the GPS,” he says dryly.

“Then the GPS is wrong,” you snap, “The service is horrible here—god—make a left.”

“I’m not going to be listening to a person who gets mixed up with East and West,” he deadpans.

“That was like—ages ago! I’ve changed!”

“Not taking the chance,” he snorts, going against your very orders of turning left as he makes a right, shooting you a smug look over his shoulder as you glare at him.

“Pull over, I’m driving because I clearly don’t remember taking this road the last time.”

“Roads change, ____,” he groans, “Infrastructure and public goods! It’s government-funded so our tax money damn well better be used for good.”

“Still,” you say petulantly, “You’ve been driving the entire time—it’s time to switch.”

“I never agreed to that,” he says pointedly as you hear your son humming along to the song, giggling every once in a while when you’d get particularly frustrated with Jin.

“You’re going to cramp,” you say.

“I won’t,” he sighs before looking over to you, then into your lap where the gummies lay. “How about you feed me instead?”

You still at the suggestion, the rather intimate one in fact. Though you’ve done this a million times before, bickering during road trips and feeding him—it feels different now. But you know your son is watching, even if he doesn’t understand the severity of the situation, and you didn’t want to throw him off.

“Keep your eyes on the road,” you grumble before pouring out some gummies into your hand and shoving it towards him.

His eyes briefly cast downwards before ignoring your hand, eyes returning to the road as you gawk at his blatant dismissal.

“Um, hello?” you say in disbelief, “Gummies?”

You wiggle your hand in front of his face but he’s still ignoring you, a somewhat smug expression on his face as you scowl even further.

“Do you want gummies or not?” You snap.

“I do,” he shrugs, “I asked you to feed me, didn’t I?”

You give him a bland look.

“They’re literally right there.”

“You know what feeding means, right?” he sighs dramatically, “You do that with Jiho. You know—feeding someone. Putting food in their mouth.”

“I’ll put something in your mouth all right,” you grit as he grins, “My fist.”

“Please,” he whines as you roll your eyes, “My hands are on the steering wheel. You’re always telling me to keep two hands on the wheel yet you’re making me feed myself?” He pouts and you can’t believe this is a thirty-five-year-old man that’s speaking. “That hardly seems—”

You’ve had enough of his complaints as you begrudgingly smack your hand towards his mouth, effectively feeding him a gummy as he nearly chokes while his eyes bulge out of his sockets.

“Ow!—what the f—?” you glare at him at his near slip up as he clears his throat, “That hurt.”

“Oh, really,” you hum blandly, “Would you like another?” You smile plastically at him as he pouts.

“Yes please, but spare my lips,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes but listen to him anyway. You didn’t want to startle him into swerving off the road so you feed him the next gummy gentler. But you’ve underestimated Jin’s ability to be exasperating as he ends up biting your finger in retaliation for your previous stunt.

“Ow!” you hiss, glaring at him as you go to flick his forehead.

All he does is snicker, even if he does manage to dodge your finger.

“Revenge,” he says childishly, sticking a tongue out at you.

“You’re so annoying,” you seethe.

“You love it,” he smiles over his shoulder—and you freeze.

He realises what he’s said only when he spots your frozen expression. He’s about to rectify the mistake and dissipate the tension that arose, but your son is intercepting before Jin can make the shot.

“Love!” he giggles, innocent and childlike, “Love mama and daddy.”

Your eyes filter to the back as you see your son giggling, cheeks bulged as he smiles widely at you. For a split second, you’re reminded of Jin when he was a toddler, with puffy cheeks and a cheeky grin as your eyes soften at him. He really did look like Jin, much to your initial disappointment when he looked more like Jin’s child than your own. Even if your parents and in-laws said that Jiho had your eyes.

“Love you, bubs,” you coo, reaching out to squeeze his chubby fingers as he smiles wider.

“Love you,” Jin replies as well, eyes soft when he catches his son’s expression through the rearview mirror.

“Say it!” he babbles, huffing as you raise a brow.

“Love you, Jiho—”

“No no no,” he harrumphs, cutely folding his arms across his chest as you attempt to figure out what his toddler mind was getting at. “Each other—mama and daddy.”

You get it soon enough, and your expression drops completely as you feel the anxiety rise in your throat.

You were getting a divorce. Your son had no idea. He asked you to declare your love to Jin. Why did you feel oddly targeted right now, by a four-year-old, no less!

“Jiho—” you laugh, attempting to distract him but your son is persistent.

“Mama,” he scolds with a frown and you curse yourself for giving him the one trait of your own that you couldn’t bear to deal with yourself, “Say.”

You glance over to Jin who’s already giving you a passing look, a rather earnest expression marring his face as you clear your throat. Suddenly, everything’s more intense, and all you can see is his face. There was a time where the two of you abused your I love you’s that it was the first thing you heard in the morning and the last thing you heard at night. So why was it so difficult now? Why was it difficult to tell a little white lie in front of your son?

Perhaps it’s because the love never disappeared, from your end at least. And maybe that’s why all of this is all the more painful.

Before your son can throw a tantrum at your silence, Jin is reaching over the console to grasp your hand in his in a familiar manner as he brings your knuckle up to his lips and presses a gentle kiss to it.

When your head turns to him with your eyes wide in shock, he doesn’t break eye contact even as you’re about to yell at him for not looking at the road.

“Love you,” he whispers, and you don’t know if Jiho had even heard it with how soft he’s said it, but you think he does because he stops whining.

All you can do is stare at him, especially at how earnestly the confession leaves his lips. But you remember that it’s fruitless to keep hope, to have your heart flutter at his low voice—because the divorce papers existed, and it’s the first time in a while that you’ve heard it, and it was only because your son demanded so.

You pull your hand away, albeit roughly as your eyes dart out the window to distract yourself, to suck up the tears again.

You’re looking away quick enough that you don’t catch the crestfallen expression on Jin’s face.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“Jiho-yah,” Jin’s mother immediately runs up to your son rather than greet you or Jin as your son excitedly receives the hug, squeezing into his grandmother’s arms as he lifts him up.

“Halmeoni,” he giggles, “Miss you!”

Your face softens as you see the way Jin’s mother presses wet smooches on both of your son’s cheeks, accompanied slowly by your father-in-law, who’s far more mellowed down than his wife, as he greets you with a wide grin.

“Is this a way to greet your father-in-law?” He jokes when you simply smile at him as you roll your eyes at his light jibe.

“Come here,” you sigh playfully, opening your arms to embrace him as you feel the comfort of a familiar father figure.

“Yes, let’s ignore your actual son, right?” Jin snorts, huffing as he lugs your belongings onto the porch.

His mother’s ears perk up as she shoots him a stern glare that still doesn’t fail to have him cowering. Mother’s really are terrifying when they wanted to be.

“At least she responds to messages,” his mother narrows her eyes at him as Jin smiles meekly in response, probably regretting his words, “I know you’re grown but I’m still your mother—I’ll take you out of that damned company and put you under house arrest."

“Mom,” he exasperates, ears flushed as you snicker at him.

“House arrest?” Jiho repeats, confused.

You pick him up before pressing a kiss in between his brows to soothe the furrow.

“Daddy’s being dumb,” you explain.

“Gang up on me, all right,” Jin snorts, already heading towards the door to bring your stuff in.

His father pats him on the back before shooting him a pointed look.

“A word of advice son,” he murmurs with a low voice, “you’re never right. Your wife is.”

Jin sighs, and you can’t help the amused grin that makes its way onto your face. Even if he had referred to you as his wife—and you knew that it wouldn’t be the case for long, it feels nice to be with them again, even if your utopia would eventually get destroyed.

“The guest room on the second floor is for the kids,” his mother informs, “Jin’s cousins are bringing their children along as well so Jiho won’t be alone.”

You smile gratefully towards her as you guide Jiho towards the home, while the rest of them follow slowly behind.

When you enter, you’re immediately greeted by Jin’s older brother, another familiar figure that you’re grinning widely at as he enthusiastically extends his arms that you immediately jump into.

Jiho’s following close by, tiny figure wrapping around his uncle’s legs as Seokjung picks the little one up with ease.

“Ah, my favourite sister,” he coos playfully, pinching your cheek as you roll your eyes.

“Your only sister,” you correct pointedly.

He’s always referred to you as his sister, even before you married Jin—purely because he was there for you like an older brother was. Since he was two years older than Jin, meaning he was five years older than you, he always looked out for you and took care of you when you were children—and you were immensely grateful for that.

“Semantics,” he waves you off before pressing a kiss to Jiho’s cheek, “Missed you, buddy.”

“You too samchon,” Jiho quips back cheerfully, “Noona?”

He’s referring to Ah-reum, and Seokjung only grins wider.

“She’s coming in two days,” he informs in a hushed whisper, “I’m going to propose to her.”

Jiho tilts his head to the side cutely in confusion.

“Pro-propose?” He mumbles as you laugh softly, patting his head in fondness.

“I want to marry noona,” he whispers with a wink.

“Like—mama? Daddy?” he gasps.

“Like mama and daddy,” Seokjung nods as you swallow.

You look away, feeling like a fraud, especially when at that very moment, Jin brushes up against you with a gentle hand to the small of your back that you flinch at. The look he sends you is concerned, but you know it’s because of what his brother had said. Of course, it was, it couldn’t be anything else.

“Come Jiho,” you say softly, “Let’s get you into your room, yeah?”

He nods eagerly before you’re shooting Seokjung an apologetic smile.

“Hey,” he calls right as you turn, Jin close by your side. “Are you … are you okay?”

The question makes you freeze for a moment as you attempt to school your face and power through the grimace that almost appears.

“Of course,” you clip, “Don’t worry about me. You’ve got a girlfriend to propose to,” you say through a tight smile before squeezing his shoulder before you’re turning on your heel, face immediately dropping.

Jin almost chases after you, but he decides against it when you distract yourself by fiddling with the hem of your son’s pants. It was a habit of yours, finding solace in your son because he’d never do you or anyone wrong, though you could’ve been biased because you played a part in creating him and pushing him out of your vagina.

He wouldn’t do you wrong, you think as he mumbles about marriage under his breath. You really wished he wasn’t so curious.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“I forgot how big your family was,” you say a little breathlessly as you escape the fifth aunt of the hour asking about your life and work. That was fine, small talk was okay. Not asking when baby number two was coming along when you were divorcing their precious nephew.

“Sorry,” Jin winces, moving over so that you could plop onto the rattan chair, “it gets bigger every year because of the kids.”

You know that’s true because, for some reason, Jin’s family was as fertile as a fertility clinic. You were sure that they could single-handedly repopulate the human species if Thanos really did snap half the universe away. It’s also probably the reason why Jin managed to get you pregnant three months into your marriage, four years ago.

“Jiho’s trying to break up an argument between the twins,” you sigh when you tilt your head ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of your son helplessly standing in the middle of two older kids as they banter back and forth. Your son was too sweet for his own good, but it was also way too amusing to see his eyebrows furrow as he attempts to get their attention.

“Maybe we should tell our son to not waste his time doing impossible things,” he snorts.

“It’s good character development,” you reason, “It’ll teach him to acknowledge his potential.”

Jin shoots you a dry look before turning his head to the scene where the twins were now tugging at each other’s locks like they were in the tug of war as your son can only watch the scene unfold. You really should tell him that that wasn’t how you resolved conflict, even if their parents humourlessly stand by and allow it to happen.

“I’m not giving our son ammunition for his villain origin story,” he scoffs, “I’m going there—”

“Relax,” you stop him from moving any further with a gentle hand to his bicep out of habit, even if your brain stutters for a split second as you clear your throat, “Your mom’s got him.”

As you’d also like to call her, the heroine of the day, Jin’s mother picks up her grandson before cooing something that you can’t hear from how far you are. You’re thankful when she makes eye contact with you, offering a wink before she’s showing him off to her family members.

The sight makes your heart fond because everyone seemed to love Jiho, you really don’t blame them. You fell in love with Jiho before he was born and you would love him until you didn’t know love anymore. You never knew that being a mother would be this monumental for you, in fact, you never knew if you wanted children anyway.

But when things were … brighter. Jin was the only reason you needed. Then, you wouldn’t have wanted to do this parenting thing with anyone else. The bitter thought of co-parenting plagues your mind and the anxiety of attempting to explain the situation to your son doesn’t ease your nerves at all. Even thinking about telling Jin’s family has you feeling nauseous—you were the real villain. The heartbreaker of it all.

“It’s been a while,” he says, snapping you out of your thoughts as you blink up at him.

“Sorry?”

“It’s been a while since we,” he looks down to his cup before throwing back the last bit of orange juice in it, “Since we had a vacation.”

You snort, “I’d hardly call this a vacation. There are screaming kids and your brother is having ten mental breakdowns a day before the actual proposal.”

“I mean, I guess,” he shrugs, “We just haven’t had the time—to take one. This is nice.”

You don’t know what he’s implying but you know it makes your heart clench at the insinuation. You almost wanted to bitterly add that you tried to make time despite your own busy schedule. It was him that put it off. It was him that didn’t have the time.

“Yeah,” you say quietly, too tired to fight, “It is.”

“Why”—he hesitates for a second as his eyebrows furrow while you raise a brow at the sudden jerk of his tone—“why did you suggest—?”

“Jin?”

Your head turns, and you recognise the voice before you see the approaching figure and you already feel sick to your stomach. Not because you knew what Jin was going to say before he was cut off, but because of the person that comes into your vision. You should’ve seen it coming, really, because this was Seokjung’s engagement party and it wouldn’t make sense if—

“Chahee?” Jin greets in confusion before he’s being pulled into a tight embrace.

“Don’t be a stranger,” she whines, “Weren’t you going to come to say hi?”

Your jaw ticks as you look away from the scene before you.

When there was you and Jin, there was also Chahee and Jin. They’ve never dated, though you knew that if the opportunity presented itself, she’d be the first person up in line anyway. But with every relationship, also came with relationship troubles and unfortunately for you, Chahee was the instigator for most of your relationship insecurities with Jin.

It’s because you weren’t the only person that was a constant in Jin’s life—she was too.

Of course, she’d be here, and of course, she’d still look at Jin with a determination to make him hers. Even if you’re here, face blank as you wait and see if she’d actually acknowledge you this time.

“I,” he swallows, eyes darting to you, fully aware of what her presence implies. But your head is trained to the side, pointedly ignoring it for the sake of your sanity. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

She scoffs as if he’s said something absurd, which in retrospect, he did—because clearly, she’d be here. Where he goes, she’ll try her best to be there.

“Of course, I am!” She chirps, “It’s Seokjung’s big day—and besides, I missed you.”

You nearly roll your eyes to the back of your head and the audacity of this fucking chick. Sure, you were divorcing him, but to everyone else—you were his wife. And you were very much still together, even if it felt like it’s ended months ago.

“It’s good to see you,” he smiles politely, not making much effort to pull away when she rubs at the back of his neck. You’d clock her if you weren’t civilised, but instead, you take a sip of your drink and hope it doesn’t end up in her face.

“You too,” she smiles flirtatiously before she decides to finally acknowledge you. You think it’s a new record. “____, you’re here.”

She sounds much less enthusiastic than before, and you don’t blame her—nor do you plaster a smile on your face. Instead, you tilt the drink up to her and nod your head, giving her a less than a satisfactory greeting. You couldn’t even bother clarifying the obvious because you were Seokjung’s sister-in-law, Jin’s wife; and the mother to the adorable boy who’s currently stealing the show. Silence was a pettier option.

Her fake smile drops when she realises that you weren’t bothered, and you’re glad she doesn’t attempt to be plastic with you anymore when you’re fully aware that she’d sleep with Jin if given the chance.

“What’s up with her?” You hear her mutter to him as you roll your eyes, pushing yourself up to leave the two of them alone.

Alarmed, Jin hastily grabs your arm before you can leave, “She’s—uh, not feeling well.”

“I’m feeling—”

“Acting up at a family event?” Chahee scoffs. You would seriously slap her.

“Listen—” you sigh.

“Pregnancy,” Jin blurts as you nearly stumble from how flabbergasted you are, “You know hormones—not easy.”

You would seriously slap him too.

“You’re … pregnant?” she says slowly, jaw slackening as you see her eyes darken.

“Don’t listen—”

“We need to get you indoors,” Jin smiles tightly, “The sun—yeah. Not good for the baby.”

Before you can even get another word in, Jin’s dragging you into the house as you yelp, spotting the last glare that Chahee sends you before she’s downing the alcoholic beverage in one-go and stomping off somewhere.

When you’re settled into a private corner in the kitchen, only then do you yank away your arm from Jin with a menacing glare.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you snap.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he sighs, “She was—she’s crazy.”

“And you had to be crazy too?” you ask incredulously, “How the fuck would telling her that I’m pregnant solve anything?”

“It’s to get her to back off!” he hisses.

“If a baby would get her to back off then she would’ve done that when I was pregnant with Jiho,” you say dryly.

“I panicked, okay,” he exasperates.

You scowl.

“Well fix it,” you snap, “We’re getting divorced, Jin. Chahee’s going to run her mouth and if it gets to any of your family members then there’s no way we can break our split to them.”

You sound much more bitter than you’d anticipated, but who would sound neutral or happy when speaking about a divorce? With someone you still cared deeply about, no less. But you’re slightly surprised when you see Jin’s face harden at the reminder.

“Is that what you care about?” he blinks.

You give him a weird look before sighing, turning your back to him as you find yourself a glass to pour some water.

“Jin, it’s due time,” you sigh, “I don’t want to make this harder for your family—”

“For them,” he laughs humourlessly, “You’re thinking about how the divorce is going to be hard for them.”

You blink at his sharp tone.

“… yes?” you say slowly, “We grew up together, Jin. Obviously the divorce would crush them.”

“You”—he blinks—“you’re thinking about them but you didn’t for one second to wonder how I felt?”

You freeze.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah,” he exhales with a tight chuckle, “You really decided that it was over by yourself, didn’t you?”

You don’t appreciate his tone, nor do you appreciate the accusation. Not when you’ve spent literal months and sleepless nights agonising over your decision while you mulled every possible solution, crying over the demise and when you finally decided to take that step forward. You don’t appreciate it—especially when you did your best.

“You didn’t say anything!” you seethe. “You never say anything! You took the damn papers and flipped through to them like it was one of your business contracts.” “How did you expect me to react?” he exclaims, throwing his hands into the air as his voice raises. “I was caught off-guard!"

You scoff, “Really? That’s your excuse?” You narrow your eyes at him as you jab a finger into his chest. “Don’t give me shit for not considering how you felt when you’ve given me no indication that you gave a shit about this marriage at all.”

“Of course I give a shit about this marriage!” He says in disbelief.

“Do you, Seokjin?” you say bitterly, and the name returns along with the drop in his expression. “You don’t. I don’t know what you feel about anything anymore. It’s stopped being a marriage a long time ago. The divorce would’ve come either way.” You finish in a whisper.

“And you decided that for us?” ye snaps.

“Yes, Seokjin, I did,” you sneer, “I decided for us because we don���t even talk anymore. Every time I try to reach out to you—I took ten steps backwards from where I started and I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue feeling like a placeholder in this marriage instead of your wife.”

“You’re not—” his eyes soften as he reaches out to you while you flinch, eyes darting to the ground.

“Don’t,” you whisper harshly, “Don’t you dare comfort me now, Kim Seokjin. Not when it took the actual divorce for you to be apologetic.”

The kitchen is silent, and it’s deafening, especially when the outside chatter filters in through the slips of the divider. You know they can’t see you through the tinted windows, but it’s a stark contrast with how people are outside laughing while your marriage falls apart under the same roof.

“So that’s it?” he says softly, “Ten years of dating and four years of marriage?”

“Don’t you dare,” you repeat again, weaker, “I wanted this to work out more than anyone else.”

“Then why aren’t you fighting,” he hisses, stepping closer as he attempts to get you to look at him.

You can’t.

“I’ve been fighting,” you return vehemently, though your resolve is weak at best. “I’ve been fighting on my own for the past four months to save this marriage and you—you just …” your eyes flutter shut as you feel the first tear fall. You don’t want to look at him. “You didn’t fight, Seokjin. You were the one that did this to us.”

“____,” he calls your name.

You step away, furiously swiping under your eyes as you attempt to keep the last few bits of your tears back.

“No more burdens, Seokjin,” you smile sadly, “Stop making this harder than it has to be and sign the papers.”

“I—”

“You should go look for Chahee,” you say softly, and you know your words are purposeful with its double-meaning.

You’re already excusing yourself to your room, the godforsaken room you were forced to share with Jin before you catch the way his face drops completely.

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It’s been radio silent between you and Jin ever since your conversation from yesterday, and you’re both thankful and frustrated. It’s proven difficult to maintain an amicable distance from him when you were meant to be in love and married, along with your son who’s none the wiser.

Seokjung’s nervously pacing back and forth in the living room, but it’s not because of how large his family is—or that he has an audience to please with his grand show. It’s the prospect of proposing to Ah-reum, even if he was madly in love with her.

Right now, he’s not listening to anyone, even his own mother, the same person that would play the level-headed role in situations like these. It’s almost concerning when he mutters incoherencies under his breath, a slip-of the tongue that revealed his fear and desire to leave.

Your eyes widen as you walk towards the anxious man, leaving Jiho with your father-in-law who only smiles at you gratefully.

“Hey,” you say softly, reaching out to clasp his shoulder as he nearly stumbles from being startled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine,” he exhales, rubbing a hand across his face before his eyes are nervously darting towards the door where Ah-reum could enter at any moment, according to his cousin, “God—I’m going to puke."

“You’re okay,” you reassure him gently, eyes searching for his as he nearly doubles over in anxiety, “You’re good.”

“Am I?” he chokes, “God, I haven’t felt this nervous ever since I had to submit my Master’s thesis.”

You snort, even if you pat his back affectionately.

“It’s normal to feel nervous,” you promise.

“Is it?” he says softly, “I love her—I do. But … but why does this feel so scary?”

You give him a small smile while he peers up at you with panicked eyes. Despite him being relatively older than you were, he looked very much like his younger self right now. Nerves and wide-eyes as he contemplates a decision that would very much change the course of his life.

“It’s because you love her you’re scared,” you explain, “Change will always feel scary, and proposing to Ah-reum is a huge change in your life. Nothing will make this easier, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. Once you overcome that initial barrier, you’re going to thank yourself for taking that leap of faith.”

He groans, cradling his face into his hands as your eyes widen alarm, afraid if you said the wrong thing.

“You know,” he says suddenly, eyes darting up, “It’s a little reassuring to know that Jin went through this before I did.”

At the mention of his brother, your hand tenses on his shoulder—but you don’t think he notices. Or at least you hope he doesn’t.

“Way to throw your brother under the bus,” you chuckle.

“No, really,” he snorts, shaking his head fondly as if he was recalling those days. “You know, at first I thought it was too early for him to be proposing.”

Your eyes widen at the new set of information.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he says breathlessly, “Don’t tell him I told you that, though. He’d kill me,” he says in a low whisper as you laugh, a little sadly purely because he didn’t have to worry about that. You weren’t even talking to Jin. “I knew the two of you were endgame—but getting married? That’s next-level commitment.”

“I mean,” you say bashfully, eyes darting to the ground.

“But now, looking back …” he trails off wistfully, “It made sense.”

He’s the second person who’s told you that within the span of the past week and you’re left more conflicted than ever. His words came during a time where you were contemplating on splitting up with Jin, so you have no idea what to feel, especially when you’ve convinced yourself that the divorce was the decision that made sense.

“Everyone keeps saying that,” you mumble.

Seokjung snorts, “Because it’s true. You ground each other, you know?” He murmurs with a smile, “I mean more so you to him,” he finishes as you giggle at his hushed whisper.

“I’m clearly the more level-headed one,” you say jokingly with a small smile.

“Yeah,” he agrees easily as the two of you share a laugh. “Early or late, the two of you are meant for each other.”

You ignore the way your heart pangs, the reminder that you once thought that was the case too until reality hit you hard.

“Maybe we did get married too early,” you mention quietly.

Seokjung raises a brow at your statement, and you realise the little slip-up too late as you purse your lips in a moment of panic.

“Are the two of you okay?” he asks with a concerned gaze, taking your hand into his.

You let out a shaky breath before smiling at him, the gesture not quite reaching your eyes.

“Don’t worry about us,” you tell him, “It’s your day.”

He frowns.

“Yeah, but you’re my sister and he’s my—”

“I’m fine,” you say curtly, realising your tone as his face drops before you sigh. “I—I am, really. Please don’t worry about us, okay? You’ve got a girlfriend to propose to.”

You nudge him on the shoulder to cock your head towards the door where you see his aunt frantically waving her arms, indicating that Ah-reum was near, and all retort that was about to leave his lips dies on his tongue as his eyes widen while he vigorously pats down his pants to search for the ring.

“God—fuck, shit godamnit,” he curses, fumbling ever so slightly as you giggle, squeezing his shoulder one last time before you’re shooting him a thumbs up along with a cheeky grin.

Good luck, you mouth—but he doesn’t see it.

The door opens and Ah-reum enters; Seokjung cries before he can get the words out but she knows. She knows because they’re in love.

You suppose love makes you know things. You look away because you’re starting to cry too, and when you do—you search for Jin on instinct, but he’s already looking at you.

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“Did daddy cry when proposing to mama?” Jiho asks Jin innocently when you’re close enough to catch it.

“No,” Jin says honestly, brushing a stray hair away from his face as Jiho snuggles into his chest. His sigh is clear as day. “Was too happy to cry."

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“Hey,” you whisper, nudging Jin with your knuckles as he stirs in his sleep, groggily fluttering his eyes open as you shoot him an apologetic smile.

“____?”

“Your back,” you say quietly, “Sleep on the bed.”

“But—”

“I’m not sleeping yet,” you say before your eyes are darting to anywhere but the face you yearn to hold. “Just … please. It’d make me feel a lot better if you were sleeping on your own bed than on this couch.”

He doesn’t argue with you, likely too exhausted from the events of the day to find it in him to challenge you like usual. You’re thankful for the sense of normalcy, even if you’re still tiptoeing around him. Even if the remnants of your conversation is the reason why you’ve encountered yet another sleepless night.

You don’t tell him this because it’s been months since you’ve confided him. Telling him what was bothering you didn’t fit in the context of your situation right now, and besides—he was too tired. He needed to drive.

Jin stumbles off the couch and you’re grateful that the room you were sharing had a couch inside, to begin with. You had no idea how to explain the fact that you and your husband weren’t sharing a bed to your in-laws, and you didn’t want to. It saved the hassle.

(Even if he’d take a part of you to sleep every night when he rests his head against the throw pillow than on the bed.)

He shuffles into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him to not wake anyone else up. The kids' room was a good distance away, but some of them had really acute hearing and he likely didn’t want to risk that. You didn’t need to spend another half an hour trying to get Jiho to sleep.

You sigh deeply, brushing a hand through your hair as your feet takes you towards the second-floor kitchen (and yes, Jin’s family was that wealthy to have a kitchen attached to each floor) as you prepare yourself a cup of hot milk. It’s a drink you’ve made over and over throughout the years, the same brand of carton milk always remains in the fridge—and you knew it was about the Kim’s had relatively picky eating habits.

It’s different this time because you’re making one instead of two, a lone cup that’s usually accompanied by another makes you sadder. It makes your heart hurt all over again and you’re exhausted. You’re drained but you can’t sleep because your body remains active due to the way that your mind runs miles.

You focus on the milk because maybe it’ll hurt less when you don’t think. But it doesn’t—because the stupid fucking milk only reminds you of him. The man in his room, snoozing away while you lose sleep all over again.

You’re momentarily absorbed in the way that the residue from the milk swirls in the cup to notice or hear the shuffling of feet beside you, but it’s too late because when you turn you nearly scream.

“Sorry.”

You’re surprised to see Jin’s mother standing there as you place a hand to your chest to ease your racing heart.

“I nearly screamed,” you confess, shaking your head as she smiles apologetically at you.

“I tend to do that,” she says, “My husband’s always telling me I move like I’m avoiding a footprint.”

You laugh at that, not disagreeing as you mindlessly stir your drink.

“It’s late, eomeonim,” you say with a concerned look, “Is everything okay?”

She gives you a kind smile before she looks over her shoulder.

“Heard something in the kitchen and woke up,” she tells you as your face grimaces in embarrassment, “Shall we head to the office to talk?”

You nod your head mutely, unsure on why she’s decided to stay away even if it nearly approaches two am, but you don’t argue with her. Instead, she guides you towards the study, a comfortable room where you can speak freely without worrying too much about waking others. Your thoughts run a lot more liberally in here, despite the ache in your chest.

You take a seat on the couch, noting that it’s changed. You haven’t been here in a while, yet it remained homey with a much-needed replacement.

“Are you okay?” you ask softly, “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

She waves you off.

“I couldn’t sleep anyway,” she says.

Your eyebrows furrow in concern. “Is there something wrong?”

She sighs, staring wistfully to the side as you see her throat move as she swallows. The longer the silence ensues, the antsier you grew. Was she okay? Did something happen to her? Is she—?

“You and Jin are getting a divorce.”

You nearly drop your glass as you spill some of the contents on your t-shirt, hissing at the stain. But you can’t even be bothered to reach for a tissue to clean at it when you’re looking up with a horrified expression to meet your mother-in-law's face.

“I—eomeonim—how?” you splutter, cheeks flushed in mortification.

“I overheard the two of you,” she says simply, “And Jin left his laptop open and I saw an email from Jimin regarding the papers.”

You don’t know what to say because you’re absolutely mortified. More importantly, you feel ashamed. Ashamed because she found out due to you and Jin’s shouting in the kitchen and his carelessness. Not from you yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you croak, emotions slowly overwhelming you as she looks at you with an unreadable expression.

“Why are you apologising, my sweet girl?” she says softly, immediately reaching out to you to wrap her arms around you as a mother would. And right now, she wasn’t your mother-in-law—but a woman who’s seen you grow alongside her own two children. You weren’t disappointing your mother-in-law but your second mother.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” you choke, tears immediately falling the tighter she holds you, “I-I’m s-so sorry. I-I tried—I didn’t—want to but—I-I’m sorry.”

Your words are slurred the harder you cry, pathetically shoving your face into her shoulder as she holds you. The dam breaks, unleashing the emotions you’ve held in for so long in the arms of a mother. She doesn’t say anything but brushes your hair, holding you a little tighter when your tears stain her nightgown.

You don’t know why you’re crying so hard. Maybe it’s because it seems all too real now, with Jin’s mother knowing. Her words only solidify the fact that your marriage was nearly over and you couldn’t do anything. The ghost of Jin’s words from a day earlier still remain clear to you, and maybe—it was really your fault.

You decided it was over.

“____,” she calls you softly as you continue to sniffle in her arms, frustrated at the fact that your tears weren’t stopping. “Look at me, dear.”

You force yourself to obey even if you can’t bear to, the humiliation of her finding out this way still tormenting you.

“I’m sorry, eom—”

“Please don’t say sorry,” she holds your face in her hands, forcing your puffy eyes to look at her.

“But it’s,” you choke, unable to look at her without wanting to cry. “It’s—my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” she replies vehemently, swiping at your tears for you, “It’s not your fault.” She repeats in a softer tune.

“I wanted the divorce, eomeonim,” your lips wobble when you speak, words shakily escaping past your lips, “It’s all my fault.”

“I’m sorry,” she says instead as you nearly knock your forehead with hers at how fast you try to pull away, appalled that she was the one apologising.

“Why are you—?” your brows furrow in confusion when she holds onto you a little tighter.

“I’m not just Jin’s mother or your mother-in-law,” she says softly, “I’m a person and I see that you’re hurting. I’m apologising because you don’t deserve this.”

You swallow the lump in your throat as your eyes look up to the ceiling to stop your tears.

“I know mothers-in-law will side with their son,” she says, “But I won’t. Because Jin made a mistake and now you’re suffering because of him.”

“It’s not his fault,” you reply quietly.

You know that you blamed him earlier, but deep down—you could never blame Jin. You were the one that brought forward the divorce, and if you decided to keep fighting then maybe … maybe it wouldn’t hurt this much.

“I don’t know,” she sighs, “I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, that’s the last thing I want to do but …” she trails off as you stare at her expectantly, “I don’t know who he is without you, ____.”

You bite your lips to prevent yourself from crying again.

“Please don’t think of this as me trying to convince you to stay with him,” she begs, “If you’re unhappy, I rather you leave him than punish yourself.” You nod your head, eyes darting to your lap as she continues. “But I spoke to Jin.”

Your eyes immediately dart up in surprise as your eyes widen.

“You—?”

“Right after,” she continues softly, “I caught him before he went to bed and …” her eyes begin to water and you think you’re about to break again. “I haven’t seen him cry since your wedding day.”

Her confession knocks the wind out of you as you find yourself gasping, tears immediately leaving your eyes. The realisation that Jin cried, to his mother makes your heart clench. You knew that Jin wasn’t much of a crier himself—he didn’t even cry when Jiho was born. Nor was he the type to cry in front of his mother. He held his ego at a high level even if that irked you at times, so the news only makes you more devastated.

“I don’t know what he said to you per se,” she whispers, “But he loves you. He loves you so much—and that goddamn idiot doesn’t know how to do anything but work and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t be apologising on my son’s behalf but I want to. I want to because I love you as my daughter and I want to see you happy.”

“Eomeonim …” you croak, reaching your hand up to cover hers that lay on your face.

“Please, if you call me that I think I’m going to bawl,” she laughs quietly as you find yourself giggling along, despite the way it gets stuck in your throat. “My son is stupid. So stupid. Please—please talk to him. If it …” she swallows, “If it doesn’t work out—I’ll support you, either way. Just please, don’t leave whatever questions you have unanswered.”

You nod your head, chest feeling slightly lighter but burdened nevertheless.

“I will,” you say softly, “I promise.”

You walk her back to her room after, hugging her tightly at her door as she pushes past it, sniffling ever so slightly before retreating into the dark room.

You make your way quietly back to your room, mind weighed with different thoughts plaguing every crevice of your brain. You didn’t know what to make of her confession or statement. You wanted to believe her that Jin still loved you—but you didn’t know. You couldn’t know because you don’t remember the last time he held you, or maybe you did and it was months ago.

Your feet stop right in front of the door as you hesitate to reach for the knob. He was asleep, anyway. You decide to push, slowly turning as you slip into the dark room.

It wasn’t dark.

And Jin was awake.

He’s awake and sat in his bed, something resting on his lap as he uses the nightlight beside him to flip through it. He hears the intrusion as you stand, frozen, and his eyes lift to meet yours.

You think this is the first time in a while that you’ve seen him like this, in bed and comfortable with a slight puffiness to his eyes while his shirt remains wrinkled—the proof of his comfort. Your heart clenches because you missed this—missed returning to him in bed, soft and warm as you press against him.

And the dam breaks for the second time that night.

You don’t know what compels you to run to him, or allow him to hold you while you sob into his arms—but you do. You practically leap onto him, body curling pathetically into his side as he holds you like he’s afraid you’d slip away. He lets you cry your eyes out, he lets you cry until snot is unattractively running down your nose and staining his t-shirt. He lets you, because he hasn’t let you feel him for a long time.

You instantly melt into his hold, missing his warmth. And when your eyes briefly fall into his lap to get a glimpse of what he was staring at, you cry even harder.

It was a banner you made for his twenty-ninth birthday, right after the two of you got married. Your then favourite pictures of Jin stained every surface of the banner, some edges wearing off due to age—and you remember each moment so vividly.

From taking a picture of him when he was taking a picture of you, to when he was making you breakfast in the morning, to his birthday as you smashed cake into his face, the flowers he got you when he broke your favourite cup, your fishing trip—everything. You remember it.

You sob harder, clutching onto his t-shirt as he tucks your face into the crook of his neck, pressing a soft kiss into your hair. You were so tired of crying but it was all you could do.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers after your sobs turn into tireless chokes, “I’m so sorry.”

“I hate you,” you cry, hitting his chest while he lets you, “Why are you so stupid.”

“I know,” he sighs, “I’m stupid. Hate me. Do anything you want to me.”

“I-I”—you croak, still slamming your fists into his chest weakly as you helplessly flutter your eyes shut—“I don’t hate you.” You finish quietly, your truth surfacing as you note that his eyes soften at your defeated tone.

Your emotions are everywhere and frankly, you can’t really think with how you’re pressed against his body like you never wanted him to let go. Right now, you didn’t. You wanted to be held, vulnerable and teary while he soothes you with his gentle touches.

You can’t stop the tears, way too overwhelmed to even process the fact that Jin doesn’t shift away one bit, hand clutching the back of your head as he rubs circles against your scalp. Who were you to pull away?

You sniffle pathetically before you pull away ever so slightly, flushed and embarrassed at the sudden loss of control over your emotions.

“Are you done?” he asks softly, referring to your tears as you pull away to swipe under your eyes.

“I don’t know,” you whisper, “I still feel like crying.”

“Then cry,” he replies gently, “I’ll be here to hold you.”

You want to hit him because his words only spur the tears on.

“I just wanted you,” you whisper, “I only wanted you …” your lips wobble when you look up at him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, “I know sorry won’t erase the pain I’ve caused you but that’s all I can offer for now.”

“Why did you—why did you just”—you sniff pathetically—“why didn’t you fight me. Why didn’t you stop me.”

“I thought it would make you happy,” he pulls away, and you both know how absurd his excuse sounds but you’re too tired to fight. “I only wanted you to be happy.”

“You idiot,” you hiss through a clogged nose, “You would’ve made me happy.” You say softly. “I wanted to be happy with you.”

“You make me happy too,” he says softly into your hair.

You’re still angry, and you’re tired. But even if there were things you were unsure about, you missed being close to Jin more than anything.

“Your mom said you were stupid,” you murmur.

He laughs quietly, pulling you closer to his chest.

“I am,” he agrees.

The silence returns but it’s no longer as suffocating as the past few days have been. It’s more reflective than not and you’re thankful, even if your eyes are uncomfortably swollen—you allow yourself to be held. The weaker part of you is unable to say no to him.

“Why …” you begin softly, eyes looking up to already see him staring at you. “Why didn’t you sign the papers?”

He blinks at you for a while before he sighs, resting his chin atop your head.

“I didn’t want it to be real,” he says so softly you almost missed it. “I thought—I thought if I dragged it out then …”

“… it wouldn’t have happened?” You finish quietly.

He groans, frustrated as your eyebrows furrow at his sudden change in demeanour.

“I know it sounds pathetic,” he admits, “I was a coward, ____. I was stressed and overwhelmed and—suddenly … you wanted a divorce, I just”—he takes a deep breath to collect himself and you’re mildly alarmed to spot his glassy eyes—“I didn’t know what to do …”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” you ask timidly, fingers gripping his shirt tightly. There was really no need for you to cling onto him, but you couldn’t do anything else right now. Especially when he returns the gesture.

“Would you believe me if I said it’s because I didn’t want to burden you?” he brushes your hair out of your face as his hand cradles your cheek, “I wanted to be the one you could rely on and … I didn’t know what to do.”

Your face crumbles when you note the sincerity behind his voice. Rationally, you knew that a relationship required communication but you knew Jin, and you knew that he always tried to plaster this mask to the world that depicted him as a reliable and unshakable fortress. All this time … he was struggling and so were you.

The realisation only makes you sadder, and you feel all the more horrible when you remember that you brought up the divorce in the midst of all of this.

“I’m sorry!” you wail, face burying into his chest as his eyes widen.

“_____—” he murmurs.

“No—I just,” you say frantically, rushing to get your words out, afraid if you’d forget as if he’d disappear. “I didn’t know—and I thought—I thought you didn’t … I thought we were—fuck. I’m so sorry, I just wanted you—I—”

You have no idea what you’re saying but Jin doesn’t look confused. He understands, and you know that because he shoots you a gentle smile before rubbing his thumb across your cheek.

“Please don’t apologise,” he whispers, forehead resting against yours as you blink away your tears. “I don’t blame you. I could never blame you.”

“But I …” you protest.

He shushes you with a kiss to your forehead and you instantly melt into his hold.

“You did what you thought would make you happy,” he tells you honestly, “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I asked for a divorce, Jin,” you exasperate.

“Are we?”

You blink, startled as you pull away, heart nearly shattering until he grabs you by the wrist.

“Hey, no,” he whispers, “That’s not what I meant,” he cups your face in his hands as your lips wobble all over again. God—you fucking despised being a crybaby. “Look at me.”

You do, and you see how tired he looks. How have you not noticed before? His cheeks look duller, and his dark circles are more apparent than ever. You just want to reach out to touch him.

And you do. Your hand shakily reaches out to caress his face in a way that you weren’t able to for the past few months. It’s almost like a new feeling, but your fingers find their way home relatively easy, tracing each pore and wrinkle, memorising his face to memory all over again.

“Are we getting a divorce, ____?” he repeats firmly, never breaking eye contact with you.

Your lip tremble.

“I don’t—” you warble, as he leans his forehead against yours again.

“Because I don’t want a divorce,” he says, and it’s the first time he’s explicitly admitted it.

“I don’t either,” you say weakly.

“I meant it when I said I want to be with you in sickness and in health,” he whispers earnestly, breath tickling your cheek, “And till death do us apart.”

“I’m sorry, Jin,” you say timidly, eyes darting to your lap.

“Don’t apologise to me,” he says sternly, not unkindly as your eyes flutter up. “Not when I’m the one that has an entire lifetime worth of apologies to give you.”

“I just …” you trail off softly, “I just want us to be okay.”

He’s still staring at you, and there’s a pained expression behind his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?”

His question stuns you, purely because you weren’t expecting it and because you’ve nearly forgotten what it felt like to have his lips pressed against yours, or even the nervous waver of his voice when he looks at you so earnestly that you can’t find the words to respond with. So, you settle for actions instead.

You nod your head mutely, heart ramming against your chest when he begins to lean in.

You don’t remember the last time he’s kissed you, or held you, or looked at you like this. There’s a dull ache in your chest when you recall the nights you’ve spent agonising over the downfall of your marriage, but Jin distracts you from your thoughts when his lips tickle over yours.

There’s no rush this time, even as your eyes are swollen while you flutter them shut. There’s no desperation to kiss you, and you aren’t desperate to be kissed either. It’s as if the both of you wanted to savour this moment—to remember what it feels like to have almost lost. It hurt—but it was necessary. A necessary reminder to you and to Jin that fighting was tiring but it was worth it.

When he finally presses his lips to yours, you nearly cry. You immediately melt into his hold, especially when he cradles your cheek with his palm and pulls you closer to his chest.

You kiss him with a mission to tell him how much you’ve yearned for this—for him. But you’re distracted when you feel something hot against your cheek.

It’s not your tears—it’s his.

You pull away, alarmed when you realise that Jin’s body is shaking.

“Jin?” zYou clutch his shoulders, eyes searching for his as he covers his face with his shoulder, effectively shielding his tears away from you.

“I-I’m sorry,” he chokes, furiously wiping his eyes with his shirt as your face falls.

“J-Jin, please don’t—” you say shakily, going to embrace him, but to your displeasure, he refuses, breathing deeply to collect himself.

You don’t think you’ve seen Jin this uncollected ever. Not even when he was crying during your wedding. His body shakes with the ferocity of his tears, the intensity of his breaths only causes his shoulders to heave up and down and all you can do is stare at him with sad eyes.

“I know an apology won’t fix anything,” he says vehemently, managing to get some of his words out as he peers up at you with red-rimmed eyes, “But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you question this marriage—for—for not loving you the way you deserve.”

“Jin …” you say softly, reaching out to hold his hand as his own tears continue to fall from his eyes.

This time, it’s you who allows him to nuzzle his head into the crook of your shoulder as he sobs. It’s quieter than you, but no less painful.

“I was so scared,” he confesses, “I was terrified when you showed me the papers. I really thought—this is it. It’s over.”

You stay silent, biting your lip to stop your own tears from escaping when you recall the memory.

“I was so scared what would happen,” he croaks, “I thought I was going to lose you, forever. I thought—I thought I was going to lose Jiho.”

“I’d never do that to you,” you say shakily.

“I know,” he returns, “But I was the most afraid of who I was going to be without you.”

You look down at him when his eyes dart up, pained and sunken when he clutches your hands in his larger ones, squeezing your fingers in a way that you assume he hopes to translate his desperation. You feel it, and you squeeze back.

“You’re Kim Seokjin,” you murmur, rubbing your thumb across his chin.

“That’s just my name,” he scoffs, shaking his head, “I’m nothing without you.”

“That’s not—”

“You and Jiho were the only one’s that got me through each day, you know?” He murmurs as your heart clenches. “Every day, when another deal failed to follow through and ended up bringing losses—or when the stockholders went against me—I could only think of you and Jiho.”

You couldn’t stop the tears that return this time around, choking on your own sobs.

“I wanted so much to give you both the world that I,” he swallows, “That I got greedy—and I ended up … I ended up losing the both of you instead.”

“I’m here, Jin,” you say softly.

“I know I don’t deserve it yet,” he says quietly, “But please don’t leave me.”

You realise belatedly that even with the divorce, you could never have left him the way you thought you could.

You don’t answer him, instead—you provide your answer through your actions by kissing him. Harder than before but just as earnest. Both of your tears clash against your skins, but you can’t be bothered to care when he returns your kiss with an equal amount of desperation and affection.

“I love you,” he breathes into your mouth as you gasp. “I love you more than love itself.”

You want to hit him in the way he’s making you cry harder.

“I love”—you choke on your words when he presses a kiss to your jaw, his confession raw and honest—“God, I love you.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you,” he says vehemently, kissing every inch of your face, your jaw and your neck as you cling onto his shirt desperately right before his dark eyes look up to catch your flushed expression. “Will you let me?”

“Yes—God—please,” you beg, pulling him closer to your body as he peppers open-mouth kisses down your sternum and across your chest.

“Can I love you tonight, ____?”

You nod your head desperately, heart fuller than it’s been in a long time. You know the consequences, and you couldn’t give a damn right now. You still needed to heal, and so did he—but when he holds you a little tighter, you know that neither of you was going anywhere.

“Love me,” you gasp, “Please, Jin.”

“I’ll love you,” he hisses, trailing down your neck, his words juxtaposing with the tenderness of his touch as his hands slip under your shirt. His touch is molten, especially when you’ve missed the feeling of having him like this—close, desperate and yours for the moment.

“I miss you,” you confess while he drags his fingers across your abdomen and rests right under your breasts. He looks up at you with soft eyes as you return them, eyes swollen. “I really miss you, Jin.”

He leans up to kiss you, hands multitasking as they cup your tits while you gasp into his mouth.

“I miss you,” he returns with a heartfelt tone, “I’ll never let this happen. Ever again.”

Now, all you can do is trust him, trust him and his words and that he’d take care of you. His hands tickle under your shirt but you can’t be bothered when he finally cups your breast with his large hands, gentle yet steadfast when he tweaks your peaked buds.

“O-Oh,” you gasp, head lulling back when his lips trail down to your neck, hands already helping you out of your shirt.

“Will you let me see you, beautiful?” he murmurs.

“Please,” you say breathlessly, lifting your arms up to ease the process.

You should’ve felt vulnerable, being more than just physically naked in front of him. But throughout the hurt and the pain, he’s never made you doubt yourself for once. It was as if you were held captive by him, even when your heart was slowly shattering. It’s also why when he gives you a once over with hunger behind his eyes, you don’t shy away. Instead, your back arches, giving him more than enough to see—to feel.

“I missed you,” he repeats, pressing a kiss to your nipple as you whimper, hands curling around his hair as his head dips lower, “Missed you—missed how gorgeous you looked like this.”

He tells you more by painting the truth on your breast, lavishing each bud with pert attention as you find yourself growing wetter in arousal. His tongue is hot against the cool air of the room, the juxtaposition of the temperatures only sending your head into short-circuiting.

“J-Jin please,” you breathe, staring down at him when his dark eyes lift up to meet yours. His stare is enough to have your thighs clenching together. “M-More.”

“Of course,” he croons, “I’ll give you everything you want.”

You mewl as his hands trace fluttering touches against your stomach before they’re reaching your mound. He doesn’t drag this out as he’d normally, the distant memories of your nights spent tangled together as he edged you till you were crying. No, this time—he’s gentle, he’s soft and careful with the way he handles you, spreading your legs as you pliantly obey, eyes fluttering with every move that he makes.

“So beautiful,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of your mound as you whimper at the contact, needy in want. “I’m gonna eat this pretty pussy, hm?”

You nod your head in desperation, lifting your hips to aid him in the process of slipping off your pants along with your panties, baring your slicked pussy to his face. You catch a brief glimpse of his expression, especially when he unabashedly ogles your wetness with desire behind his eyes. You’re a little flustered since it’s been a while, so your legs naturally threaten to snap shut but Jin doesn’t let you get too far.

“Don’t hide from me,” he says quietly, eyes peering up at you as you can’t find it in you to respond with how your throat clamps shut. “Want to see you. Always do.”

Your heart tugs in your chest, but you aren’t able to dwell on the feeling for too long when Jin dives into your heat, tongue immediately flattening against your pussy as he tracks your wetness up your slit to where your engorged bud lies. Your back immediately arches while your hand finds purchase in his hair, grounding yourself at the way your stomach immediately heaves inwards at his ministrations.

Jin doesn’t relent, nor does he tease. He’s quick and precise with every flick of his appendage over your clit, rapidly swirling the bud in the way you like as he alternates between harsh sucks and tugging at the pearl, causing sobs of pleasure to leave your lips. It’s a product of how long you’ve been together and how he’s learned every pulse and shiver as a sign of your pleasure.

“Pleasepleaseplease,” you mewl, “D-Don’t stop.”

“You taste so good, love,” he moans into your pussy, the vibrations immediately causing your toes to curl as your head tilts backwards. “A pussy like yours should be eaten every day, yeah? As your husband—I should do that.”

When he calls himself your husband, you feel yourself whine in pleasure, the term causing fondness to bloom in your chest. You don’t know if he’s said it on purpose, but he doesn’t stop with his actions, instead, one of the hands that presses your stomach down to keep you in place reaches up to where your hand clutches his hair and brings it away.

“J-Jin,” you whine, hips bucking when he swirls his tongue over your clit, slowly while his eyes peer up to lock with yours.

The act is all too intimate, and your poor heart can barely take it with how sensitive you are all over, emotionally and physically. But Jin takes your flushed face as a good sign, and he ruins you all over when he intertwines your fingers together.

“Can feel you clenching,” he hums teasingly, “you going to come for me?”

You nod your head vigorously, fingers pressing tightly against his larger palm as he laughs into your pussy at your eagerness. Once he gets the confirmation for you, it’s like he was holding out the entire time despite him causing your legs to shiver by the side of his face.

This time, Jin presses his face tightly against your pussy as you squeal, louder than you expected as he flicks his tongue over your bud so rapidly that your mind is blank in pleasure, legs shaking uncontrollably as your body quivers in pleasure.

“Oh oh oh! J-Jin—fuck, I-I’m gonna—please let me cum, please please please,” you cry desperately, hips grinding against his face as he slurps your clit like he was parched.

“Come for me, beautiful. Wanna feel you drench my tongue,” he encourages you softly, yet his words send a wave of pleasure all across your body as you finally feel the last bit of your coil snap.

“J-Jin!” you sob, back arching as his large palm splays over your stomach to keep you rooted in position, forcing you to take all the pleasure he was giving you. Your legs shake by his face as he keeps his mouth open with his tongue out as you ride the aftershocks of your orgasm away.

“Fuck,” he hisses, pulling away with a parting kiss to your clit that as you jumping. “I missed this. Missed your pussy.”

“Miss you,” you mumble dazedly, your fingers carding through his hair as he peers up at you.

“Come here,” he whispers, inching up as he gently holds your cheek in his palm while you immediately lean into his touch.

While you lay on his bed, relatively boneless, Jin stares at you with devout affection, his eyes softening when he holds your gaze. His lips glisten with your wetness, mouth slightly parting while he rubs a thumb against your cheek.

“I love you,” he says quietly, “I really—I’m so in love with you.”

“Jin,” you say shyly, eyes darting away when he doesn’t look away.

“You’re the love of my life,” he divulges gently, leaning his forehead against yours as you take in every freckle that marks his skin, and the dulcet curve of his lips when he presses it against yours.

You can’t find a response that would indulge in what you truly felt, so you settle for reciprocating his kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck as you learn all about the way he feels all over again. You miss this, and you’d admit it over and over again—until he reminds you just how much of a home his touch was.

“I want you,” you whimper, pulling away to peer up to his dark eyes.

“Gotta be quiet, okay?” he murmurs as you nod obediently. “Need me to prep you? It’s been a while.”

Ever the gentleman and the considerate person he was, although you reckoned it was the most sensible option—you missed the feeling of having him feel you whole.

“No need,” you say, “Just—fuck me, please.”

He chuckles, leaning down to press hot kisses against your jaw and the nape of your neck as he uses his palms to spread your legs, feeling the way his hardened cock presses against your thigh. You take the time to card your fingers through his hair, gently pressing against his temple, then his cheek, and finally his bottom lip while you attempt to let your actions display what you feel.

As if Jin senses this, he leans up to press a soft kiss to your lips. One that’s both desperate and longing, a greeting from the past that blooms in the present.

“Ready?” he murmurs, fist clutching his cock while it prods against your quivering hole.

He swiftly removes his shirt, chucking it aside as he presses the tip against your quivering hole. You nod eagerly, wrapping your arms around his shoulder as he finally pushes through the first barrier. Your breath hitches, mostly because Jin wasn’t average-sized by any means. He grunts from above you, face contorted as he slowly inches his way in, careful to not hurt you.

Frankly, you were wet enough from your previous orgasm and how much your body craved him—but as you mentioned, he was big. But the pleasant burn of his girth stretching you out have you gasping, eyes peering up at him in desperation.

“M-More,” you whimper, hips chasing his as you encourage him to sheathe himself further into you.

“Are you sure?” he asks, lips pressed against your jaw as you nod.

“I’m good,” you assure him, pulling away just to shoot him a small smile that he returns.

Finally, he bottoms out, the last bit of his length in you as you whimper at the feeling of being so full, so whole. Jin remains still, to allow you a few seconds to adjust to having him in you. While you were desperate for more, you appreciated the gesture.

There’s something oddly intimate about having him in you but not moving at all. There’s no rush to thrust into you with hot pleasure and love, but just the comfort of having him here—with you. Your heart squeezes in fondness, mostly because you missed him. Missed having him so close to you and in your reach.

“Y-You can move,” you pant, hips already moving at their own accord as he groans from above you.

“God,” he sighs, “I missed you. Missed you so much.”

“I-I missed you too,” you say in between pants as he begins to thrust into you, pulling his cock out until the hilt before slamming back home.

It sends your body up the bed as you indulge in how good it feels. Both emotionally and physically. One of your hands clutches at his hair while he builds up his pace by occupying all the space in between your hot walls.

“Fuck,” he grunts, “You feel so—good.”

You nearly forgot how strong Jin was, and how effortlessly he was able to send white-hot pleasure coursing through your bloodstream with the way that his hips move. He’s relentless with his pounding, the squelches of your wetness echoing in the room with every single purposeful thrust, your gasps of pleasure tangled with the way the slap of his hips meet yours—it’s all too stimulating and it feels so good.

“Oh my God, J-Jin, fuck, oh,” you sob, clawing at his back when he speeds up his thrusts, the tip of his cockhead scraping against the spot within you that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

You feel so full, and your pussy is attempting to accommodate his thick and long length. Your clit is throbbing in want as your hand reaches down to deliver some reprieve, but before you can do anything meaningful—Jin’s slapping your hand away to replace it with his own, and a determined expression on his face.

“Fuck, this pussy’s so wet,” he hisses, rubbing vigorous figure eights on your swollen bud as your mouth falls open into a silent moan, “Would die for this pussy. Always.”

His words send your stomach clenching, paired with the way he doesn’t falter at all with the rhythm of his brutal thrusts.

“Oh oh—ngh, p-please—don’t stop oh my God you’re so fucking—good,” you scream, right before Jin captures your mouth with his lips, swallowing your moans.

“As much as I want to hear you, we’re not home,” he reminds you softly, eyes swirling with amusement as you flush a deeper shade of red, a chortled squeal caught in your throat when he emphasises his point with a particular thrust that has your chest jostling.

Yet, it’s not his cock that has you burning.

Home.

Your home. The home that hasn’t felt much like one.

“Ohhhh,” you wail, muffled by his lips, “Don’t stop oh my god, I’m gonna fucking cum again—shit.”

“Yeah, gonna cum for me again?” he eggs you on with a grunt, leaning his chest against yours as your sticky body meets while his hips continue working its way into your pussy. “God fuck, I’m so lucky—you’re so beautiful.

“J-Jin,” you mewl, your glassy eyes peering up at him as he returns. Somehow, he knows—he knows even if all you’ve uttered was his name.

“I got you, my love,” he says so ardently that you feel a tear fall, both in pleasure and in overwhelming love. “Look at me.”

You do, and Jin decides to intertwine the free hand that isn’t abusing your poor clit into blazing pleasure with your own, squeezing your hand. It just so happens to be his left hand, and you feel the familiar squeeze of his wedding ring against your empty finger.

The realisation that he never took it off only makes you cry harder.

“J-Jin, I-I’m—” you blubber through a moan, feeling the coil in your stomach grow tenfold when he rams into you at a speed and a sense of determination you’ve never felt before. “I—oh fuck—I’m going to—!”

“I love you,” he confesses, squeezing your hand as it lays by the side of your head. The heat grows, and you feel yourself grow light-headed when Jin leans in to press a hot kiss to your lips, his own grunts caught in between your teeth.

“I love—fuck, oh,” you struggle to form coherent words, not when your pussy clenches erratically around his length, your wetness dripping down his balls while he attempts to focus on battering your g-spot with a snipers precision.

“Cum for me,” he grunts, “Cum for me and look me in the eye. Wanna see how fucking gorgeous you look for me.”

You whimper, squeezing your eyes shut momentarily as more tears fall, and when you open them—you see a manic look in Jin’s gaze, paired with his own stray tear falling.

“I love you—I love you I love you I love you,” you chant frantically, cunt pulsing as your legs shake, “I-I’m cum—cumming—”

“Me too, love,” he murmurs, hips stuttering when you clench around him. “I love you so much. You’re the—best thing. I’m so fucking—lucky.”

His own words are slurred, and you feel the coil snap, your eyes trained only on his expression as you feel your orgasm overtake you with an acute force that has you nearly blanking out. You gush around his length, and that stimulates Jin’s own release, his cum painting your walls white with its heat as you shudder at the feeling of being so wholly full.

“Oh oh oh,” you mewl, clutching his hand tighter as you choke on your sobs of pleasure and tears. “Kiss me. Kiss me please.”

Your pleas are granted with a desperate kiss to your lips, your arms immediately wrapping around his shoulders while he shoves his cock further into you, plugging his cum as you whine into his open mouth. He releases loads of his cum into you that it threatens to slip past your swollen folds.

Jin kisses you, and you kiss him back. You don’t dare to let go and neither does he. The desperation between the two of you is an accumulation of nights spent apart, spent agonising the death of your relationship, the potential of a future without each other—the hypotheticals of what-ifs. You feel his ring against your jaw when he curls his hand around it to push himself deeper into your mouth.

“I love you,” he says again, and yet your heart flutters like it’s the first.

You pull away to catch your breath, forehead resting against his as you sniff the remaining of your tears away. A croaked laugh leaves your lips as Jin smiles softly at you, thumb rubbing against your cheek with immense tenderness and affection that you can’t do anything but lean into his touch.

He’s still in you, and yet—there’s no rush to move despite the cum that leaks out of your hole.

“I love you,” you echo.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you, regret staining his words as his eyes flutter shut. “I—I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness just yet—”

You stop him by pressing a kiss to his lips, soft. Pleading.

“We’ve got all the time to learn,” you say quietly, “Now, I just want you.”

He pauses for a second just to observe your face, to take in your earnest eyes as he sighs, both remorseful and thankful. Thankful that he’s met you, and thankful that you’re still here despite his shortcomings.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” he says with a determined gaze as you smile softly at him.

“I’ll take your word on that,” you say with a giggle.

He pulls out of you as you wince, immediately feeling his cum drip out of you. You’re about to whine a complaint, but he interrupts any ripostes from your lips with another kiss.

You’re not complaining.

“And I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you,” he says as you flush at his words. “Being next to you. Learning with you. Growing with you. I want to do it all—only with you.”

You want to slap him. You do. It’s the only thing you can think of when you feel your tears burn behind your eyelids.

“God,” you sniff as he grins at you.

“You’re such a crybaby,” he teases, leaning over your body to pick up his t-shirt before he’s wiping at your folds.

You scowl, ready to nag his ear off for using his own shirt, but before you can do any damage, he’s chucking it aside once he deems you clean enough before he’s suffocating you with a death grip around your body.

“My baby,” he murmurs into your neck as you flush.

“Jiiiiiiin,” you whine, “I need to—I need to pee.”

“Let me carry you,” he immediately says, swooping your naked body up with his arms as you yelp.

“I’m not—I can walk!” you squeak.

“Don’t think so,” he smirks as you roll your eyes at him, your eyes still puffy from your tears. “Your legs are shaking.”

And shaking, they were. You knew that you had no way of walking to the bathroom without collapsing with how good Jin had fucked you previously. But you were prideful as you stick your nose up snootily, looking away when he leans in to kiss you.

“Does the queen not want to kiss her king?” he pouts childishly as you roll her eyes.

“More like a peasant,” you mutter.

You squeal when he threatens to tickle you, blowing a raspberry into your neck while your boisterous laughter echoes against the wall.

It’s late, and people were sleeping, but the way that Jin holds you so gently as you’ve remembered—makes you forget about reality, about everything else. You can only focus on him, the way he’s making you feel and the way you see your best friend, love of your life—and your husband—return to you.

“Hey,” he murmurs once you’re done peeing and draped over one of his large t-shirts as the two of you cuddle in bed.

“Hm?”

“I love you,” he whispers, your eyes nearly drooping shut in fatigue.

“I love you too,” you say softly, snuggling into his chest as he holds you tighter.

“Once we go back …” he murmurs, “I want—I want us to go for couple therapy.”

You pause.

You look up at him, noticing his nervous expression as you smile. You wrap your fingers around him before brushing your thumb over his knuckles comfortingly.

“Okay,” you agree, “We will.”

“And … I want to take you out,” he says before clearing his throat. “On a date.”

“We’re married,” you giggle.

And it feels to good to believe it.

He rolls his eyes and you spot the slight flush on his cheeks.

“I know,” he says, “I missed going out with you.”

Your face softens before you sigh to yourself, happy.

“Me too,” you say.

“I love you,” he repeats again. You won’t ever get tired of hearing it.

You return it with a kiss, and finally, allow yourself a comfortable sleep after months.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

It’s both simultaneously all too hot and too cold when you arise from your slumber.

Your body aches in satisfaction from the events from last night, and you vividly remember the hot touches and long-awaited, teary-eyed confessions that were shared between you and your husband (and yes, your heart does bloom when you refer to Jin as his rightful position in your life rather than … that).

But the indent of where his body lays remains cool, as your body attempts to search for warmth that wasn’t the duvet absolutely suffocating you but in a touch of the love of your life. Still drowsy from sleep, you pat down on the mattress to find not what you were looking for, but a sick feeling of anxiety that stirs in your stomach.

The worst permeates your mind, and for a moment you’ve wondered if you dreamt it all—the reconciliation that promised retribution and a better future just a figment of your imagination and deepest desires. The mound between your thighs aches when you push yourself into an upright position, blinking as you attempt to search the room for his whereabouts.

Before your mind can continue to think the worst of the situation, the door creaks open—and Jin enters, face still slightly puffy from sleep but no less handsome than he’s always been. Your shoulders droop in relief, and just as you’re about to call to him—you note the third guest that joins you.

“Stole Jiho from the kids' room,” he whispers in consideration of your still snoozing son as he wraps himself around his father’s broad body.

“Thought you left,” you confess softly, making space when his knee pressed against the mattress, only for him to lay Jiho softly on the plush surface as he joins his son by his side.

“Never,” Jin says, reaching a hand to brush a stray hair away from your face before he reaches to hold your hand to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

At that moment, your son’s eyes slowly peer open, probably due to the fact that you and Jin were staring at him with full adoration. When he realises it’s just his parents, he grins, wide and with his bread cheeks before he lets out a giggle that has your heart soaring.

“Mama,” he smiles, chubby arms reaching out for a hug as you indulge in his affection. You lay back, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he snuggles into your warmth.

“Just wanted to hold the both of you,” Jin says as you rub gentle circles on Jiho’s back.

Your heart softens exponentially, free hand reaching out to Jin’s so that he’d wrap an arm around you and your son.

“Warm,” Jiho mumbles, pressed between the bodies of you and Jin’s love while the two of you stare, hopelessly and utterly in love with the person you’ve created—and each other.

“I love you, Jiho,” Jin whispers, hugging him impossibly tighter as your son smiles innocently.

“Love you!” he chirps back, eyes fluttering shut the more comfortable it gets for him.

As you run your fingers fondly through the strands of your son’s hair, Jin’s voice interrupts your love-dazed gaze with a soft confession, a record of the years you’ve known each other and the many more years you had to learn about each other.

“I love you,” he murmurs, leaning over to capture your lips in a kiss.

You smile even with the crust in your eyes, happy and content. You don’t respond because Jin’s already beginning to doze off, cheeks puffed and pressed against the pillow.

For a moment, you allow yourself to be selfish, to wallow in the love of your small family and the warmth that they gave you today, and every other day that was to come. You and Jin still had a long way to go before you could properly say things were okay, but the fact that either of you had given up, was more than enough to give you hope—to give you a vision of another thirty years, and more.

You’d do it all, with Jin.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

[1111jenx]

Astrology Observ Rants: 🌜random placements🌛

Heyyyy!! So I was really inspired by this one fellow blogger that i have mutuals with on my tumblr feed and decided to start writing some rants!😆 Take this easy and have fun! Lemme know what you guys think down below:)

1. Leo Moon/Venus/Rising. You do not need others validation to feel happy. When people tell you to back off, back off. Repeat after me until that becomes real. I'm a Leo Rising/Venus so I truly know this best. Some of us really see red flag as a sign to chase lol

2. Are you really bestfriends with a Scorpio Venus if they never told you all of their sketchy schemes? Oh you didn't know that they created a fake Tinder account and spent 2 hours swiping left on the app at 1AM in the morning to see if they will find their s/o account? Even if their s/o is sound asleep next to them? You didn't know they do that? They probably not your bestfriend then😬 (Mix this with Virgo/Libra energy and you get a demon)

3. A big hug then a loving slap to all of my Gemini Sun with Leo Venus out there! Some of y'all are simply crazy possessive but refuse to show it somehow? Why do you feel so much but show so little? Being in love will not make you guys distracted. Show the world how big your heart is. My Leo Venus will really appreciate this thank you.

4. Sagittarius moon people... Are you guys like... Okay? Literally any sun with sagittarius moon are the worst overthinkers I've met in my life, worst temper too. I'm not sure why some people believe Sag moon slacks off and ignore the problem. In my experience I have not met any Sagittarius moon thats not either 1. confrontational 2. extreme anger issues 3. extreme identity crisis 4. truly feel bad when they did someone dirty and can owe up to their wrongs 5. STUDIOUS ( My mom has this and her sun is in Gemini and despite her age, she's currently learning 2 new languages and has traveled to most countries in the world, I'm serious)

5. I didn't really get why Sagittarius men have such a bad reputation until I met one. Wow. And y'all have the audacity to call Gemini men evil? Have you met a Sag man with water placements?

6. Gemini Rising please please please calm down. I love your energy when you're at your best. Literal sunshine! But your moodiness is INSANE and you guys have anxiety so bad sometimes I just wanna give y'all a hug.

7. Hey Aquarius Rising! It's time to let go of this toxic cycle. You know you deserve better. Clinging on people who won't share the spotlight with you don't do any good.

8. I'm sorry I typed formla instead of *formula! Now can you shut up and stop taking screenshots of my grammar errors? Yeah I'm talking about you guys, Virgo Moon/Mars.

9. I feel like no one ever talks about how Cancer Mercury can either never freaking open up??? Like at all??? Or can't shut up about their emotions??? Like its either the former or the latter it's tiring boo.

10. Gemini Mercury aspecting Venus. Please. Make a decision.

11. Capricorn mars energy makes me wanna bend over and let them torture me sometimes. But only when they're heartless and don't give a damn about me. When they start to care it's like they want us to elope ASAP.

12. I think it'd be best if Aries Moon people sit down and lock themselves up in a room when they're about to throw a tantrum. This will really help your relationships.

13. Pisces sun women and their relationships with their grandparents. A lot of Pisces I know grow up with their grandparents!! Not a rant just a fun fact lol.

14. Pisces Moon people are delusional. I said what I said. Y'all really believe blasting "Attract my ex come back to me affirmations RHZ" will manifest your ex back in your life. Get a therapist. (I'm a Pisces moon so I know. Don't come for me)

15. Finally, Leo sun with Libra venus❤️ I read somewhere saying that you guys are angels! You are. But in the same time. Some of y'all will risk it ALL when you want someone. I mean literally. Stop it.

love,

saint jenx🪐

[starryluce]

silent treatment

Sub! Katsuki Bakugo x reader

All characters aged up

words- 1322

rated- 14+ (no smut)

warnings- grammar errors, swearing

a/n- I don't know if I like this or hate this 

Katsuki would never let anyone control him the way you do. Fuck he hated it, he hated that he'd do anything for you, he hated how vulnerable he was around you, he hated that being number one hero was no longer his first priority, he hated that you could stop his temper tantrums with one stern look, he hated how easily you could calm him down, he hated when you'd punish him if he was being bad or too moody, he hated that everyone knew he was wrapped around your finger (of course he always denies it when asked or teased about it) and most of all he hated how much he loved it when you controlled him. Maybe it was because he had been in control his whole life and he enjoyed how stress-free it was just following you and doing as you said, or maybe it was because he knew it made you incredibly happy to see him following your command. Katsuki didn't know when exactly it started, when you first started dating Katsuki was in complete control, the idea of even letting you control him was sickening to him but now he wasn't sure what he'd do without it. He supposes it may have started when you walked in on him crying, he was so embarrassed fearing you would make fun of him; but you didn't, you hugged him, telling him reassuring words as he talked about all his family issues. Anyone else would have made fun of him or told the whole school but you didn't and he knew you never would. Since that night, Katsuki had been a bit clingy and more loving. If you told him to do something for you he'd do it, yeah he may call you names before he did it but he would never have done it for anyone else.

“Can you get me a water?” you asked, Bakugo gave you a look.

“It's like you don't even have legs,” he retorted, but never the less getting up to go get you a glass.

“Can you get me one too?” Kirishima questioned

“Do I look like a fucking servant to you?” Bakugo snapped

“But you're getting y/n o-” Kirishima began but got cut off by an angry Bakugo

“Shut your goddamn mouth,”

---

There was one thing Katsuki knew for a fact and it was that no one could or has ever made him feel as loved as you did (the boy didn't even believe in love before he met you), even on his bad days you loved him, even when he'd lose his temper and lash out at you, and even when you saw him cry. You were one of the only sense of stability in his life and he could never lose that.

Even though Katsuki was under your command does not mean he is always nice about it. Katsuki had to be the brattiest sub on the whole planet and he was ready for any punishment you'd throw at him. Going to hit him with a belt? good, he loves it. Give him so many orgasms it hurts? good, he loves it. Going to tie him up and use him as you please? good he loves it. But what he does not love is this new punishment you decided would be a great idea, the silent treatment. Katsuki had not only not touched you in three days, you hadn't even talked to him or made eye contact with him. All because he ruined the sweater you bought for him even though you told him he had to take it to the dry cleaner and it could not be washed in a washer and dryer, he decided that he was going to ignore your rule and do it anyways and then he lied about destroying it, how was he suppose to tell you to your face he accidentally destroyed it, but he should have known you'd eventually find out.

He had done everything he could think of to get you to talk to him. He had begged for hours and hours. Got on his knees and rested his head on your leg and you'd immediately push it away every time. He had tried pouting. He bought you flowers and the shoes you said were cute the last time you went to the mall. He had brought you back your favorite dinner, from your favorite restaurant. But nothing worked.

He was more tempered, lashing out at almost everyone. Anyone that mentioned your name to him was asking for death. He was threatening to kill everyone that was in his way more than usual, even Kirishima was a bit scared of him. Everyone in 1-A begged you to forgive him, but you were going to make sure Katsuki Bakugou would never not follow your directions again.

---

“DEKU!” Katsuki yelled, Izuku stopped in the middle of the hallway, immediately turned around his eyes widening at the tone of his voice. You stood a few feet away too busy talking to your friends to even spare a glance in his direction. Oh was he going to make you watch. “hit me” Katsuki whispered, “Wha-” Izuku began but got cut off. “I said hit me, dammit” and so Izuku did not too hard but hard enough to leave a mark, gathering the attention of people around them.

“HARDER”

“I can't do t-”

“If you don't hit me harder ill kill y-” Izuku hit him harder, Katsuki falling to the floor.

“BAKUGO KATSUKI,” you yelled, everyone in the hall's attention landed on you. You move toward him, you were furious pulling him up by his ear, “Hey! he hit me,” Katsuki yelled, acting all innocent. “Yeah, after you begged him too,” you yell back, dragging him to his dorm room.

---

“Why? Why would you do something so stupid?” you hit his chest but not enough to actually hurt him. All Katsuki could do was smile, you were so cute when you were angry at him. “Come on,” you guide him to sit on his bed, grabbing the first aid kit that was under the bed. “Izuku could have really hurt you,” you say, putting a small amount of rubbing alcohol on the cotton ball. “I would like to see that dumbass try,” Katsuki snarls, you give him a stern look, Katsuki shuts up immediately. “You know he’s getting stronger,” you state plainly, pressing the cotton ball to the decent-sized cut by his nose. “You don't think I fucking know that,” he practically growled out, you smack the side of his thigh, “Sorry,” he states, looking down. “It's okay, now be a good boy and lift your head up for me,” you say softly, and he does. “I did it because I needed you to talk to me,” he began “I just missed you so much and I’m sorry about the sweater,”

“You're are so stupid,”

“It worked didn't it?” he argued

“Watch it,” you warned

You throw away the several of cotton balls you ended up using and put away the first aid kit. You move to face him again, planting a small kiss on each of his cuts.

“I’m really trying,” Katsuki stated, not looking at you. “What are you talking about, Katsuki?” you ask him, lifting his chin. “I’m really trying to be a good boyfriend,” he mumbled, “I know, I have a temper and I'm stubborn but I’m really trying my best for you” he whispered, you move one of your hands on his cheek gently stroking it with your thumb.

“Baby, you're a great boyfriend. The best boyfriend in the world. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ignored you for so long.”

“Or at all dipshit,” He argued, you smack the side of his thigh again. “Don’t be a brat,” you warned him.

“You love it,” he teased

“Maybe I do,” you teased him back, kissing him on the lips.

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + GOJO SATORU + RYŌMEN SUKUNA || HOW THEY DEAL WITH THEIR STRESSED S/O

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 16 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hello~ recently i just deal with my school math test, It's stressing me out since i didn't manage to pass it. Seems random but can I ask for Yuuji, Megumi, Gojo, and Sukuna dealing with their s/o that is stressed? Maybe because of the same reasons as I did while helping them study?Sorry if I'm asking a bit too much （；￣д￣）

↳ barista’s notes : this one is going to be the last one for tonight since i am really sleepy  ʕ ﹷ ᴥ ﹷʔ but to who requested this, don’t worry it wasn’t too long and i hope you all are doing well whatever time it is over where you are and have a nice day/night eveyone! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and come again soon ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

When Itadori sees that you are really stressed out, he will first try to make you get away from your books but there is no luck on that since you are really adamant about studying.

During those times when he is brainstorming on what he could do for you to de-stress, Itadori will just slide some small snacks to you like packets of crisps (chips if you are not from the UK), sweets/candy, maybe even a bottle/can of your favourite drink.

If the snacks don’t help with your stressed self, Itadori will drag your textbooks away from you and close it before mentioning you to take a break, even a small one if you had to really study.

No matter how much you try to reach out for your book, Itadori is obviously stronger than you and will make the book out of your reach.

He will test you since you are adamant but please know it will take a while for him to ask a quiz question and will take longer for him to find the answer - if you have flashcards, that will be extremely helpful.

After like 10 questions though, he will give up and drag you away from your studying station to somewhere where no books and notes can be seen.

When he manages to take you away, he will make you sit on the kitchen counter before he starts to make you some food - since I know he is a chef, don’t question me on it.

While that is happening, he will start talking about random things like what he has been watching recently, how his day has been, what dates he has been planning, he is just rambling to make sure studying is not on your mind.

He will give you a few kisses here and there to make you smile since you haven’t been for a while and if you giggle at his jokes/antics, that is a bonus for him.

When the meal is completed and eaten, he will continue to make you be away from studying and will probably play a few games with you, online or board games, it really doesn’t matter - anything to make you get away from the stress you were previously in.

In conclusion, when you are stressed out, Itadori’s main priority is to keep studying out of your mind and make sure something else is since he doesn’t like seeing you stressed at all - he actually hates it.

When Fushiguro sees you stressed out, he will notice it the second it builds up since like I said on many occasions, he is an observative person and notices the frowned look and wrinkles on your forehead.

When he comes up to you, he offers to help you study and, of course, you accept because it’s nice to have his company, and just allow him to help you understand what you are confused about.

Of course, like Itadori, Fushiguro had placed down many things for you to make sure you were eating/drinking like a glass of water/tea/coffee, maybe a plate of cut up fruits or maybe a simple sandwich - he wants to make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

Fushiguro will quiz you in the end to help you reassure yourself that you are done studying and that you are going on a break no matter what he says - if you get a question right, he will go out of his way to give you a kiss.

When he thinks you are done studying for the day - or like a month - he will neatly put away your books, notes and stationary for you before preparing you a bath to help you relax.

If you both are really late into your relationship and really comfortable with each other, Fushiguro will sit beind you outside the bathtub and wash your hair for you to relax - it’s like playing with your hair but also a massge to help you relax.

Once again with the act of service vibes, Fushiguro will help you change into one of his jumpers and help you dry and comb your hair - to be honest, it's really therapeutic for him.

If you apply any cream/moisturiser after a bath/shower, Fushiguro will apply it for you - but please know that he will blush since skin to skin contact, but it feels nice.

When you are done with your show bath/shower routine, he will make you lay your head on his chest, while he has an arm around you to comfort you.

Fushiguro will read a book to you since you have mentioned once that you loved the sound of his voice - I feel like you both have a book that you read together and you both take turns, just a thing I have in mind.

In conclusion, Fushiguro since the beginning will make sure that your stress levels are kept to a minimum since the beginning of your study session and if it goes way too high for his liking, he will act upon his concerns.

When you are stressed out, Gojo will notice instantly since you are ignoring him and not responding to his jokes/childish antics.

Gojo will sit in front of you with his hands on his chin (acting like a flower) and will just stare at you until you notice that he is there

If you still don’t pay attention to him, he will place his hand over your work or textbook to obscure you from carrying one - you know when a cat just puts their paw on your work like it’s nothing...yeah, that’s Gojo.

Gojo is also the type that will dash the book away from you and let it drop to the floor while you stare at him with widened eyes like “what the hell was that for?”

Once your attention is now on him, he will quickly grab your things and put them in an extremely high place where he and only he can reach it.

After that, he will carry you bridal style to the couch where the both of you will cuddle and probably eat some cakes/sweets he had organizsed on your coffee table before he decided to disturb your studying session.

Gojo will feed you like you are a baby - like I can imagine him saying “here comes the train”...personally, I will smack the fork away from me if he did that.

When you are done snacking on some cakes/sweets, best know that for the next few hours, you are trapped in his arms in a cuddling position - probably you on top of him.

If he feels more playful than usually and if you are ticklish, he will tickle you like there is no tomorrow so he can hear you laugh andsee you smile.

If he feels romantic, he will continuously kiss you everywhere on your face to ‘melt the stress away’ since he doesn’t want to see you look so misable.

In conclusion, if you are stressed while studying, Gojo doesn’t even give you the chance to say anything, matter of fact, he doesn’t even help you study. Gojo is the type of boyfriend that is spontaneous and if he doesn’t want you to study, he will not let you study at all.

When you are stressed, Sukuna would have no idea why you are stressed on something so minor in your life - it is not minor, but still this is Sukuna we are talking about.

He will look over your shoulder to see what you are doing before scoffing since it looks like nonsense to him - like I don’t think Sukuna would know that quadratic equations are.

I feel like he will laugh at your misery for a second.

If it is an ancient Japanese text you are working on, Sukuna might feel like helping you understand because you are the person that he loves and only loves.

When he is helping you, he expects your full attention - of course - and if you get something incorrect, he will look at you weirdly and will tell you that you are wrong - but he will continue helping you until you are right.

Once he thinks you are done for studying, just know you are done...no questions shall be asked...no argument shall be said….Y/N, you are done.

He will burn your stationary, books and notes if he has to, he will not hesitate one bit.

If you dare refuse to stop studying, Sukuna will just carry you like a snack of potatoes - basically over his shoulder - before dropping you onto your bed.

Before you can even move, he would just keep hold of you in his arms and threaten to burn your study stuff again and demands you to keep still.

To ease your worries or stresses away, he will start to leave kisses on your neck - maybe a few bites - in a way to make you focus on him.

He will also start to get a bit handsy and will begin to caress your body - meaning like putting his hands under your shirt and all that.

In conclusion, Sukuna will make sure you stop studying if you become stressed and he will do anything to make you listen to him - if he knows something really well, he will help you after laughing at your misery for a quick minute.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[kayzume]

Pairing: Bokuto x Reader

Genre: a tiny, tiny bit of angst, but mostly fluff:>

wc: 4.1k, who knew i can pull of something this long😃

Note: This fic is my gift to @jayeray for our server secret santa, Happy Holidays to you I hope you had a great Christmas and I hope we get to talk more (timezone is sht, I must be asleep when yer online🥲)I hope this piece makes you smile:>. Also sorry for shamelessly asking three people to beta this bec im not sure about how it turned out, also bec my grammar is sht(T ^ T)—also lemme thank the internet by helping me with them vows, only edited some parts of it to fit the story better..

Beta: @thirstyforthem2dmen , @india-katsuki , @prismaintales kithes to all of u

Back to Masterlist

Life is filled with fluttering moments, these events mark something within us that would either make us...or break us. You guessed that most of your story has made you what you are today. You were walking in the park hand in hand with Koutaro and your daughter, playing with his hair while she sat on his shoulders.

“Momma can I ask something?” your daughter spoke breaking silence.

“What is it baby?” you responded

“How’d you meet dad?” she asked cocking her head to the side, much like her father when he’s curious. You smiled at her,

“Well…”

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

‘The Meeting’

“Hey, Hey” you ignored whatever that was and whoever was making those annoying calls. Your face remained buried on the textbook required for your literature elective. Lost in your own thoughts and the flow of music through your earbuds, you missed the exasperated sigh that left the lips of the one and only Bokuto Kutaro, star player of the volleyball team.

“Hey miss!” tap tap the loud tapping burst your train of thoughts pulling one of your buds out, you glared at the man in front of you.

“What? You got nothing better to do buddy?!” you spat in utter annoyance.

“You’re in my seat” he replied grimly, lowkey telling you to scoot over. You, in return, refused to leave your spot; checking every nook and cranny to try and look for names or scribblings.

“Doesn’t have your name on it, you can’t stake a claim and this is school property” you argue pettily. He looked at you in disbelief.

“B-but Akaashi sits right here” he whispered, albeit to himself. You stifled a scoff, he looked so upset at the fact that he can’t sit beside this ‘Akaashi’ person. You cleared your throat and offered him the other side of your spot, which is free.

“Why don’t you sit here instead, you’d still be near your friend. I wouldn’t hinder any chatter that you decide to make” is what you told him. There’s no particular reason as to why you wouldn’t move instead, just that your pride isn’t letting you, besides his reactions are very much worth the trouble. The classroom doors creaked open, students pouring in and occupying the seats. A man with dark hair approached you, or rather the seat beside you. He eyed the person you were conversing with just now. He didn’t utter a word and took his seat beside you. A few minutes later the bells started ringing signaling the start of lectures, your professor walked in clutching big old dusty books of classic literature, your not so favorite. The only reason you were even taking this class is for the extra credits, that you most definitely do not need. You were bored and needed a new source of entertainment. For normal students this must seem ridiculous, because studying isn’t counted as a source of fun. Take note ‘normal’ you were far from normal. You’re friendless, you were having a hard time mingling with others your age. It's not that you were getting bullied, it's just you and your foreboding trust issues. You hated the feeling of betrayal and refused to remember what it was like, so as a coping mechanism you refused to make friends, or even open up to anyone.

Bokuto was upset that he didn’t get to sit beside Akaashi, he was a year ahead but the volleyball coaches as much as they hate to prevent him from playing official games, he was failing english literature and needed to keep up his grades in order to enter the court again. Easier said than done, his literature class held him back from moving further. His professor sponsored his letter so that he will only be held back by one subject and not the whole year, all he had to do now is pass the semester with flying colors, and so far he was having a hard time. That’s the reason he needed to sit near Akaashi so the later can help him with his studies, then this woman came out of nowhere and taking his seat is not helping the least bit and he hates it.

“L/N-san we would like to request your assistance” your professor spoke in a low voice. Assistance in what matter, it seems important that it looks almost impossible to refuse.

“I’d be glad to lend a hand, but with what, sensei you rarely ask for favors it feels new” you replied

“Please tutor Bokuto Kotarou, he’s an oncoming senior but has been held back by this subject. If he fails one more time he’d have to repeat the whole year, and this might also put a bad name for his sports scholarship” She explained, you looked at the profile of the student you need to tutor, it was him, the guy with condiments hair.

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

“Condiments hair?” your daughter asked in confusion

“Mom was so mean right?? She called dad condiments, do I look like a bottle of ketchup baby?” Koutaro countered on your daughter with faux pity.

“Oh please, your hair is literally salt and pepper, and yeah you looked like a bottle of ketchup when you blush” you chuckled responding to them.

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‘The Courtship’

It’s been five months since you started teaching Kotarou, and the two of you were past the last name formalities. He was still the same as when you first met, loud and annoying. But you’d never tell him that, because as you’ve observed he has times where he just suddenly drops his attitude and becomes sort of gloomy head in the clouds type of persona. It was confusing and downright weird.

You were at the library looking for articles that can support your paper. It was 6pm, you were hungry and sleepy from studying the whole day, and you were starting to get bored. But since your paperwork is nowhere near done you just couldn't leave.

You heaved a deep sigh and rubbed your now strained eyes, feeling the drowsiness trying to pull you into passing out.

BAM.

You suddenly jolted in your seat, you looked at your side where the loud thump came from. Koutaro was pulling the seat beside you.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have practice” you asked him, he rarely— almost never skips his volleyball practices.

He sat down properly and jingled a bag in your face.“I had a feeling you’d be hungry by now, I heard from Akaashi that you’re pulling all nighters for your class paper, besides we didn't have session today too, and yes, I have practice today” He replied so calmly it weirded you out a bit.

“Then what—” you started asking again when he rudely pressed his pointing finger at your lips. You were so tempted to bite him.

“I ditched, because of our session” he told you, “and also because I want to bring you some food” he continued.

“Kou, we don’t have sessions during Fridays. You specifically asked me to skip tutoring you on Fridays because you said you want to spend this day hanging out with your friends” you replied to his nonsense. You’re grateful that he thought of you and brought you food, but also you didn’t want to take away his personal time with his friends.

“Uhh y/n, you are my friend too so technically I’m still hanging out and spending my time wisely” he told you while opening a bag of pretzels for the two of you to share. You were thankful you picked the most isolated wing of the library to study or else you two would’ve been kicked out from munching loudly.

You blushed a shade of pink not because he said he sees you as a friend, your cherry blossom cheeks represent the embarrassment and lowkey disappointment that you felt knowing that a friend is all that you will be to him.

“I meant special. You’re a very special friend y/n, and that I hope you’ll allow me to offer you more than a special friendship…” he trailed off looking deeply in the depths of your pooling eyes. You can’t help but feel overwhelmed at the butterflies that started storming from within you. If you were a cherry blossom before, you’d definitely be a red rose now.

“Whatever do you mean by that?” you asked him sheepishly, lowering your head to shield him from seeing you in such an unsightly state. You fiddled with your hands whilst waiting for him to give you an answer.

“Y/n, C-can I court you?” He replied with a sweet smile.

‘The Answer’

It’s been a couple of months since Bokuto’s confession and up to this day you still feel giddy about it. Who would’ve thought that you’ll attract someone the complete opposite of you.

Whenever he visits your dorm or whenever you accompany each other somewhere he doesn’t fail to do something sweet to show his affection towards you. You were having mixed feelings whether to give him a chance or not. ‘Relationships are scary’ you thought, but the idea of him doing those sweet things for others gives a painful churn within you. He invited you to attend a game of his and cheer for him.

“Cheers for goodluck” is what he said the last time you met, which was the day before. You entered the gym, the bright lights blinding your sight. Lightly covering up you headed for the bleachers.

The place was already packed from students and other volleyball patrons. You see some free seats, only to be disappointed when they were actually reserved, you turn to leave for a new place when,

“Y/n!! where are you going? Your seat is right here!!” you craned your neck to where the voice came from only to see Koutaro waving at you. He walked to where you were.

“Sit here and cheer for me as loud as you can” he told cracking a beautiful smile. He wasn’t even doing anything special but you could feel the hotness creeping it’s way from your neck to your cheeks.

“O-okay, do your best out there” without even thinking your body moved on its own to give him a peck on his cheeks. His face contorted in surprise, you thought you did something wrong that it made you a little bit conscious, as you we’re pulling away he held your hand and you stared at his blushing face.

“Do it again” he almost sounds commanding if not for his hands slightly shaking in yours

“W-what...I’m sorry my body moved on it’s own” you started,

“Do it again...to double the luck” is what his reply was, you looked down feeling the loud thumping of your heart in your chest you quickly gave his other cheek a peck.

“G-go now, I think the game is about to start” you shoo him away as you try to calm yourself down. You can’t believe you kissed someone. And in public too. For other people it may not be a big thing but for you, that kiss felt special.

(Game goes, 4th Set)

They were at match point and as the game goes, Koutaro suddenly went on his ‘emo mode’, he was dumbfounded just standing there. You looked worried, there was no way they’re going to lose.

“Just one more point” you whispered to yourself, the ball was set and it looks like Koutaro will go for a shot, he still looked out of it. He needs to get out of his slump. An idea came to mind, it was so unlike you to do something like that but you closed your eyes and just goes for it.

“Take that shot and win!!” you screamed the loudest that you can. You saw him stiffen and slowly he ran and jumped, he spiked the ball so hard it bounced with a hard thud, you almost thought it left a mark on the floor. You heard the loud cheers and a loud buzz, signaling that the game comes to a close.

You sighed in relief to see that your little stunt helped him. You were about to go to and congratulate him when he meets you somewhere in the middle.

“Did I do great y/n-chan?” he asked, his eyes sparkling in anticipation almost as if waiting for a praise.

“You did absolutely great, I had fun watching you,I’m sorry I barely cheered loud, I’m not used to public gatherings like this” you shook your head in embarrassment

“Thank you for cheering me on, uhh y/n since we won, don’t you think it’s fitting that i get a gift from you” he told you. You were a bit puzzled, you didn’t get him anything.

“I- I didn’t get you anythi—” you started only to be cut off by him asking,

“Can I please date you now?”

You smiled at him, “Yea sure”

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“I don’t get it, what was the gift that you gave him, if you didn’t buy him one” she asked again tilting her head

“I gave him my answer” you only smiled on her more evident confusion

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‘The Veil and The Bow’

“Calm down Bokuto-san, everything is perfect” Akaashi told Bokuto as they waited for the large wooden doors to open. It has been 5 years since the two of you started going out and 6 months since he proposed. When you said ‘yes’ to his impromptu proposal he couldn’t believe his ears, at first he was worried and ready to pass it off as a joke but then…

“LET'S GO FOR A DRIVE!!” Koutaro screamed out of nowhere, you gave him a look. Raising an eyebrow in confusion you asked,

“Right now?” he must be joking you thought

“Why not?” he asked dumbly, cocking his head to the side

“Uhh..Kou, it’s 11pm.” you told him nonchalantly, you continued filing on your laptop when you felt him tug at your shirt.

“What?” you asked him without looking, he tugged again. This time as you take on his face, he bit his pouty lips and looked at you straight in the eyes as if begging.

“Really? Where are we even going?” you asked him again whilst standing up and slipping on your warmer.

He looked so excited he rushed to get his keys when he came back to you. He engulfed you in a big hug, snuggling his face in the crook of your neck.

He let out a small “Thank you”

Feeling his hot breath tickling your neck, you gently pushed him off.

“Are we just gonna stand and hug here?” you jabbed him jokingly as if to hide your reddening cheeks. He held your hand and guided you to his awaiting car. You’ve been driving for quite a while, just seeing where the night takes the two of you.

It took you the beach

You walked on the cold sand hand in hand. It was dark and chilly, you shuddered and Koutaro held you close to him, you heard him squeak,

“What was that? Did you say something?” you asked him just to make sure.

“We’re here” he announced, you looked at your surroundings only to see a gazebo all set up with candles, a picnic blanket and plush pillows. You looked at Koutaro stunned

“T-this is all planned?” you asked him stunned at the effort he pulled. No wonder he badly wants to go. You felt warm through the cold on how sweet he was

“You looked so stressed with work I thought that a date will cheer you up even a little” he told you as he fiddled with his hands, even though he was slightly looking down you can clearly see his reddish ears. You couldn’t contain yourself so you tiptoed and kissed him.

“Thank you Kou, having you around is already calming to me, but you did all this too, you’re so sweet, i love you you’re the best thing I could ever ask for” you told him while caressing his cheeks.

He moved his hands to engulf yours, he slowly pushed your hands of to his mouth, giving your palms a peck.

“No, thank you y/n for giving me a chance to be with someone like you,” he told you as he stared at you lovingly.

The night goes by and the two of you ate, laughed, and told each other stories. You two were lying quietly staring at the stars glittering in the night sky.

Sigh.

You looked at Koutaro after he heaved that deep sigh.

“Hey, something wrong” you nudged him a little.

“Nothing...it’s just that I want us to stay like this forever, happy and contented, say y/n, can I ask you something?” he replied, you were curious as to what he was going to ask it seems like a big deal to him.

“Hmm?” you hummed in response

“Y/n...will you stay with me for as long as you can..i mean forever..i mean as long as we can, Can we stay with each other” he asked you in almost a whisper

“Are you—” you were about to ask when he looked at you in all seriousness.

“Y/n L/n, will you marry me?” you can’t keep the surprise in your face, you blushed deeply, it was weird for him to be this serious, but you’re not gonna lie you like this side of him too, you stared at him for a hot minute and cracked your sweetest smile.

“I thought you’d never ask”

The big doors cracked open, the music flowing, Bokuto stared as you walk to where he was, at the altar, waiting.

As the wedding goes on, it was finally time to say your vows, you looked at Koutaro who is now holding a microphone on his left hand and his right gripping into yours,

“Since the day I met you, I knew you were a special woman. And even though I suck at Literature,it will forever be my favorite subject that I ever enrolled in. From that day forward that I met you in that god forsaken class, I became a true believer that you do not find true love, but true love finds you.

You, more than anyone else, know my insecurities and weaknesses and still never make me feel inadequate. You have always loved me without reservations. You praise me in a way I never thought was possible and because of you, I am the best man I can be.

I cannot promise I will always be the perfect husband, but I promise to love you through the good times and bad. To choose our love every single day. I promise to always fight with you and for you, never against you. I promise to always be your biggest fan, confidant and best friend. I promise to remember we are not perfect—only perfect for each other. I promise to love you without hesitation or boundaries from this day forward, for the rest of my life.

Thank you for being the woman of my dreams and the best partner I could ever ask for. Thank you for being the pillar that my wacky soul has always needed and I will forever be your wings. Everything in me recognizes your heart as my home and your arms, my shelter.

You are my better half and very best friend. I will love you, honor you, respect and cherish you in sickness and health, through sorrows and success, for all the days of my life. I am forever yours."

You bit your lip to calm yourself from sobbing into his heartfelt words. You felt his love from every single thing that he spewed out. You were thankful to where you are now, you were thankful to god that gave you a man like Bokuto Koutaro to love you. As you dab away the heavy tears on your face and as clear your throat you tell him your vows in return.

“I want so badly to be able to explain all the love I have for you. Not the love of butterflies and stomach knots—but more the blurring of self and the entanglement with another soul. Love is a word that is much too soft and used far too often to ever describe the fierce, infinite and blazing passion that I have in my heart for you. You are a million dreams and a million prayers of a little girl come true. You are kind. You are silly. You are intelligent—in your own way. Your laugh is contagious and you can put away an entire ice cream cake in one sitting like nobody else can. You acknowledge my strengths and accept my faults. You make me want to be a better person every day. I take you as you are now, tomorrow and for eternity to come, to be my husband.

Even when the day comes that we're old and gray, I promise to always see you with the same eyes and the same heart that I see you with at this exact moment. So today, I vow to honor you and respect you, support you and encourage you. I promise to dream with you, celebrate with you, and walk beside you through whatever life brings. I vow to laugh with you and comfort you during times of joy and times of sorrow. I promise to always pursue you, to fight for you, and love you unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. You are my best friend and I'm the luckiest person on Earth to call you mine."

As you finished your vows you couldn’t help the cracking of your voice, you felt hot tears flow from your eyes, you looked at him as he wipes all of them away.

“Shhh..don’t cry, everyone might get the wrong idea” Koutaro told you as he dabbed on your face. You only chuckled at him, he’s far too precious and you’re lucky to be able to witness it.

“You’re the one getting the wrong idea Kou, these are happy tears. Finally we’re binded forever and always.” you smiled at him as the priest continues on the ceremony

“Forever and always” he whispered back at you as the two of you we’re slipping on your wedding rings.

The priest announced “I pronounce you man and wife, may you live long and build a happy life together.”

He kissed you as the cheers filled the room.

‘The Life’

“Kou!! Go and chase Kaori!!” you instructed your husband to follow your daughter as she ran around away from you. She’s so much like her father, in personality and in looks. You had her 3years ago, and now you would’ve chased her yourself if not for your heavy bulging stomach. You were 7 months in your second pregnancy and everything was hard to do. Thank god for Koutaro, even though he was busy because of his job as a professional athlete he always make sure to make time for you, he always comes home early and makes sure throughout the day that you’re feeling fine. At times he will bring your daughter along to work to lessen the things that you have to think about for the day.

Today was special, he took a day off to take the threeof you to the park. You were tired from playing with the two of them the whole day. So you decided that the three of you should rest a bit, but your child has other plans of her own as soon as you situated yourself on a bench she hopped off and ran. That was why you asked your husband to chase her off to bring her back. The two of them was now in your line of sight, you didn’t want to scold your daughter but, she was extremely hyper and you didn’t want her to trip and fall then hurt herself.

“Bokuto Kaori, you do not just go and run away, against mom’s request, what if you hurt yourself?” you asked her as gentle as you can, even so she still whimpered at you scolding her. She looked at you with big teary eyes.

“I’m so sowwy momma, I only went to go pick these flowers for you” she answered you as she took out three wildflowers from her back, you cooed at how sweet she was. You waved at her to come close and she did, you engulfed her in a loving embrace kissing her temples lightly,

“Aww thank you baby,” you looked up to see Koutaro surprisingly quiet. He was staring at the two of you, he was filled with love and he was grateful for the family you two built together.

“Can I join that hug?” he asked, you opened your arms as he rushed into them almost crushing your daughter in between. The three of you laughed while coddled like that. You looked up at the sky, thankfully smiling.

Gen Taglist open: @kitayawa @aruhappy

[sharans-math-science-dump]

Some notes I made on the philosophy of mathematics - though I’ve alluded to my interest in philosophy in the general, and the philosophy of science, too, I’ve on and off been interested in the philosophy of mathematics, an interest curbed by my limited knowledge of higher mathematics. Of course, that doesn’t always stop me.

I’ve tried, on and off, to read and learn about Albert Lautman - French Resistance hero, mathematician and philosopher, from his citation in a few places by Gilles Deleuze. I’ve skimmed a little through his Mathematics, Ideas and the Physical Real, a collection of his papers and essays translated by Simon Duffy.

Below are a bunch of notes, suitably edited, based on my reading of Jean Petitot’s To Remake The Timaeus on Albert Lautman’s work, when I read it around 26 December 2021. As is universal with all teenagers and almost-adults with an interest in philosophy, I’m sure that it probably comes off as somewhat pretentious - please blame it on the interest that the article aroused, and not on any (current) personal failings of mine - I’m suitably embarrassed by it now.

Comments on Jean Petitot's To Remake The Timaeus, on Albert Lautman

Perhaps we do not have to overturn Plato, or Kant fully — after all, as Deleuze says, it is right that the overturning of Platonism should have much in common with Platonism. What is this, Hegelian dialectical sublation? Though it could be.

Logic is the base grammar of mathematics: how we move on from one proposition to the next, as a method of determining correctness. But this is a logic of analysis: take a statement like 'All members of the set X are members of the set Y', and analyze it, break it down logically, and enumerate corollaries. The issue is that this misses the synthetic mode of mathematics, the mode of which is not logical, and it's silly to ignore it as the black-box production of statements that our logic-choppers can logically verify.

Mathematics too has its own concepts (sorry, Deleuze & Guattari) — you have your planes and real numbers and so on. Is there any sort of gap between, say, the notion of the plane as mathematicians have been using for centuries, and the modern construction: the cartesian product of the set of real numbers on itself?

Lautman is interested in the historical genesis, possibly a genealogy of the mathematical concept. Suppose we get down to, say, logic — something that we would consider timeless. But the judgements we have around logic (i.e what we consider valid, the situations we apply it in, our pre-philosophical/spontaneously philosophical judgements on truth, validity etc. in Stoic or Jain or medieval or Aristotelian logic) are relative: but this does not mean the results of logic itself are relative, or that it is purely human: it is conjunction with something non-human, the field of symbols and ideas immanent to matter for me, and the Platonic realm for a Platonist. (Plato: virtue, theology, physics, mathematics, politics, all in one.)

Geometric space is conventional — not empirical, not a priori necessary, like Kant's a priori synthetic and Euclidean geometry. We have to be able to link mathematics with reality, instead of falling back into quasi-nihilist logicism. Lautman believes in the fact that there is some ontological status to mathematics that cannot be reduced purely to logic. Somehow this is Hilbertian (I am not very familiar with Hilbert). There is a synchronic/structural and a diachronic/dynamic analysis of mathematical concepts. 

Our four levels: the real as constituted of 1) mathematical facts 2) mathematical beings 3) theories 4) Ideas. There's a dialectics in play here, a dialectics that is historical and mathematical. Our dialectic is a dialectic of problems in the Deleuzian sense, incomplete. Mathematical entities are ideal for Lautman, and therefore comprehension of them create real theories, as they are actualized in actual theories, the theories which dialectically cause their own existence. 

Lautman is hot on Heidegger and the ontic-ontological, beings-Being distinction. For Lautman, there is a connection between transcendent (Platonic?) ideas and the immanent nature of the logical structure of the solution of a dialectical problem. Now I'm thinking of a back and forth between the two, the rational Idea being immanetized in a mathematical problem, yes, but there's also a movement back, too. We are interested in genesis here, foundation (grounding, the urgrund) and origin — opposed to the Russellian program of deriving mathematics from logic, as was PM. Dialectics is not strictly mathematical — there is a sense in which there is a beforeness of the dialectics, which is the 'question' in relation to the 'response'. Ideas are transcendent to mathematics, yes, but at the same time due to the linkages between dialectical notions, are also immanent to the logical schema of the solution, the Idea qua intentional Idea. 

Lautman draws upon the Platonic tradition, the intelligible participating in the sensible, the Ideas being expressed in mathematical idealities. From the Kantian tradition, we have the relation between the transcendental aesthetic and the transcendental analytic.

Lautman tries to historicise the a priori being studied here. Lautman is Hegelian in this sense, and also in the sense that Lautman affirms contradiction as being the driver of the concept and the movement of reason. But the contradiction of the concept is inside the physical-mathematical, instead of being separate from it. Lautman is also into phenomenology ... and the transcendental logic, whatever that is.

1) Metamathematics and metaphysics

Metamathematics — the analysis of mathematical theories from concepts like noncontradiction, completeness, which are not at all defined within the formalisms that are applied to, transcendent to them, if I may say. Dialectical Ideas think mathematics — metamathematics in metaphysical terms.

2) Platonism: what reality do mathematical constructions have? Lautman says that they are real without being real in the sense of external/empirical perception, or inner sense, but are not meaningless well-formed sentences — there are facts that are true or false independent of scientific construction. But how do we conceptualize the conflict between realism and nominalism? If objectivity = transcendent exteriority, math is something independent of us. If objectivity = pure construction, we nominalists realise that it's all just language, to put it pithily.

But to problematize this antinomy, 1) these mathematical facts are dependent on the formal language, the axiomatics they are expressed in and for the latter, 2) mathematics depends on intuition, too.

We borrow our response from Husserl, the noetic-noematic distinction. Noetic — the intellect. Noematic — structure/object of thought. "The transcendence of objects is founded in the immanence of acts."

Okay, I give up now! Sheesh — lots to absorb.

[marsandsaturn]

Can I ask for an ansty one-shot with aizawa, where he has to choose over the reader or one of his friends, and the reader conforts him, could be dirty or not

NOOOOOOO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, I REFUSE.....JK IM GONNA DO IT BECAUSE ITS AIZAWA BUT GOD I AM GOZING TO CRIIIII. Gender: Female Reader but it actually seems like a Gender Neutral  Warnings: Angst, Fluff

Shota Aizawa. Not as known Endeavour or All might, but he is known if you are a fan of underground heroes. You were a super fan of underground Heroes, and luckily for you one of classes, you had to write as essay on a Pro-Hero. While other choose the top 20s or top 10 you chose your favorite Hero. Eraserhead. You had gotten a 100 on that essay, and usually when you do good on a essay for go to your favorite Coffee, Tea, or Boba, place, so that is what you did. What you didn’t expect was that the Pro-Hero was also at that place. You had literally ran into him and fell on your butt. Of course this old man,,,Elizabeth he’s like 31 calm down he’s not that old,,,would fall in love with a senior in college.  Now you were a successful(the career you want in real life apply hear) and dating the Pro-Hero Eraserhead. The first two years were good, lots of cuddling, and hanging out at each other’s apartment. Eventually meeting his class was eventful. Lets just say your favorite students were, Hitoshi Shinsou and Shoto Todoroki, but that’s a secret only for you. But after two years a rough patch began to form. You see, you tended to get attached to people because of your mommy and daddy issues, but I am not going into detail about thats, so you weren’t often trying to be wit Aizawa as much as you can. And although he didn’t mind hanging out with you, he would have liked to hang out with his friends, specifically, Mic and Midnight. So the three of them went out to the club tonight, Midnight’s idea. You on the other hand were a bit upset that you weren’t invited but you pride wouldn’t never let you tell Aizawa how you feel, you stayed in your bed watching anime because why not. But that’s not when you snapped. One night he decided to go out again with his friends, and then another night, and another night, but those nights never bothered you. It was went he had promised the two of you to go out on a date, but instead you saw Aizawa on Mic’s Private story at a club instead of in his car on his away to pick you up. You snapped. You fell to the ground crying and hugging you knees. This is silly. It was okay that he forgot, it will only be one night. This was not going to be only one night, he hates you, you ask for too much, you can’t do things by yourself, he’s gonna leave you. No no Shota would never leave me, he promised, and he has never broken his promises. He broke one tonight. The devil and the angel in your head kept arguing as you dragged yourself out of the apartment. What were you going to do? Confront him like those girls you have seen all over Instagram. Why? Because you knew that you were going to drive him away, you always did. When you arrived, the three of them exited the club on their way to a fast food restaurant, when Midnight saw you. “Zawa isn’t that Y/N?” He turned his head and spotted you looking towards the grounds with your phone in your hand, looking through a bunch of pictures, but not of him, but of people who left you, you never deleted them because you had gotten to attached and didn’t want to delete them. His eyes widen when he realized the two of you had a date tonight. He called out your name you looked up, but tears began to run down your face as soon as you looked into his eyes. He walked towards you and grabbed your arm but you pulled away. “What did I do Shota? Please just answer this? Every time I ask someone this they never answer and try to ignore the question. I just wanna know, what I am doing wrong with each relationship of friendship I had.” You were sobbing at this point, but he pulled the two of you into a alleyway, “What do you mean?” “I have never wanted to be one of those girls, but I can’t take it anymore, not when I am in pain. Why do you chose them every time. I understand that they were there before me but you have been hanging out then them more than me. I haven’t even been in your arms in a month. I just want to love you, kiss you, cuddle you, have dinner with you, maybe lunch or breakfast. I just want you, but I probably did something wrong for you to not want to be around me anymore, fuck, please tell me what I did or am doing wrong so I can either fix it or leave” Shota was a mess, but not as much as you. Most people would have an explanation as to why they were hanging out with their friends more then their s/o but he didn’t have one. Not without giving it away. He wanted to do this on your birthday in your apartment but he didn’t know how much longer he could last. But he understood your pain. He knew the question you were asking, and he had an answer. “Y/N you have done nothing wrong, yes I forgot about tonight’s date, my love, I didn’t want to do this hear and especially in this situation but I can’t loose you. The day you told me about what you wanted to be I truly fell in love. I’m sorry I caused you all this pain”  He bends down to touch your forehead with yours. He loved you too much. This man was whipped for you, or as Denki would state, a simp for you. He loved everything about you from the little things you do when your focused, to the 3 am adventures through the city that you post of your 3 am with Y/N private story that he watched while on patrol. He loved when you would try to cook but fail and almost burn down the apartment, and he loved whenever you would bake, because your baking was the best. He closes his eyes before removing his forehead that was against your and moves his lips towards your quivering ones. Both of your lips were soft, but yours tasted with vanilla with caramel, and his tasted like peppermint, a chapstick you bought him for when the holidays were around. He decided to put the chapstick on again now that it was November and holidays were coming up. He knew you loved when his lips tasted like peppermint. In this moment, you felt safe, you felt like you were home, which was something you haven’t felt in a while. You missed the softness of his hair, the way he looked at you, the way your heart missed a beat whenever he was around, the way he would lay in your arms after a long day, the way the two of you were sit in the bath with bubbles, or when the two of you would watch movies together, or how you two would just read together. “Y/N marry me” The man with the scar under his eye asked, You were shocked. This perfect man wanted to marry you. He wanted to marry a mess that was called Y/N. He wanted to marry you, out of all the people he chose you.

You began to tear up and give him a hug which he returned with a kiss to your forehead. He didn’t care how messed up you were, he wanted you for you. He knew from the moment he met you but didn’t accept that he wanted to marry you until you became successful in your career. “Shota” You called out his name. He pulled back away from the hug and looked at your face. HIs face was filled with love, but not just any love. It was love for you, it was love for the love of his life, his Y/N, “Can we have a June Wedding?”  “Y/N is that a reference to the Vampire Diaries” ‘How’d you know Sho?” He laughed. But he knew that you accepted his proposal. He knew that you want him to be your husband as he wanted you to be his wife. “Actually I’d like a winter wedding because summer weddings suck and I have a list why” You began as he chuckled and kissed you one more time before leading you out the allyway. As soon as the two of you wanted out, Mic and Midnight began to cheer. Of course they were there to witness his proposing to you, they were his best friends after all.

“I love you Sho” “I love you too baby”

Author’s Note: I cried like twice TWICE. I wrote this and I made myself cry. Now I am not saying this is good but I hope it was to your satisfaction :) Please request more stuff like his I really enjoy these. Also sorry if there as any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes I was in a rush to write this as I have assignments due in a few hours sooo. Enjoy ! :) To make are request click here!

[stellar-imagines]

HEADCANONS REQUEST: ❝Mineta’s harassment.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta ]

「Headcanons of Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki and Aizawa defending their S/O when Mineta harasses them.」

MIDORIYA IZUKU

♤ Let's be real, Midoriya is nice to everyone. He can't really say that he's close with the class's pervert but he just thinks he's a friend/classmate, nothing more, nothing less. It's usually Kaminari and Mineta who talk about girls. Unlike Kaminari who knows his limits, Mineta often takes it too far. So when Mineta and Kaminari were talking about girls, he's usually at lost, unsure of what to say and ends up just nodding to whatever they were saying.

♤ Everyone knows that Midoriya tries to solve everything with words and through communication, he rarely resorts with force and violence. Just talking about you was fine but he gets really unhappy when Mineta is talking about your boobs, ass or whatever. This boy just tells Mineta to stop treating his girlfriend like some sort of meat and respect her as a person.

♤ He gets super uncomfortable when he notices Mineta looking at your direction and giving you that look, the one akin to when a drunkard has his eyes looked on a woman. Midoriya is silently glaring at his friend and hoping that you wouldn't notice this pervert's eyes on you. He tries to ignore it but if the staring had gone for far too long, he takes it upon himself to reprimand Mineta to look somewhere else.

♤ If you're the type who can stand up for themselves, Midoriya's worries lessen. He'd still be there to make sure Mineta doesn't take things too far. However, if you're the quiet-shy type who has social anxiety 24/7, he's on full offense and defense. He makes sure to stick by your side or at least have the girls accompany you.

♤ When it does get too far, Midoriya would step in front of you, glaring at his classmate with a furious look in his eyes. He tries not to expose you to violence. But when Mineta is talking about you behind your back, he won't hesitate to hit Mineta if he touches you inappropriately. And it won't be those gentle slaps. It will be One For All 100% or Shoot Style. And viola, the filth of Class 1-A had been removed!

♤ Conclusion, he won't hesitate to beat the shit out of anyone who dares to make you uncomfortable, cry or anything. And you bet he's gonna throw someone off a cliff if someone dares to hurt you.

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

☆ Bakugou pretends to not pay attention to you but he actually is. To begin with, he sneaked glances at you when he thinks no one was looking and he was pretty damn good at it. This goes on until you start dating. Until one day, Kirishima spots him looking at you and all hell breaks loose. 

☆ Without you noticing, Bakugou became your boyfriend and at the same time, a guard dog. He's very observant and he prefers to trail behind you a bit when walking together. But he can't escape when you want to hold hands.  If someone dares to make fun of you, that person might as well just play dead because Bakugou is gonna hunt them down and make them regret saying whatever they said about you.

☆ Okay, everyone knows not to mess with Bakugou's territory you, or they will face serious consequences. It's not a rule that he established himself, that reminder is drilled into their heads the moment your relationship was revealed.

☆ So that one time Mineta decides to harass you were either before you were dating or when no one knew that you were dating yet. Whether he just talks about you or stares at you, Bakugou is already storming over and planning a murder. If he goes as far as to touch you. Guess what, Shinsou? There's a seat open for you. Welcome to 1-A.

☆ Whether Mineta is aware of your relationship or not, he won't get off the hook that easily. The girls are there to beat his ass for you if you're too shaken. Maybe it was because Bakugou never did anything when Mineta was up to no good, that the pervert thinks that doing his usual thing was not a problem. But, he was so wrong when he met Bakugou's deadly gaze. His looks can kill. The blonde didn't even have the chance to use his quirk because his looks alone were enough to make Mineta retreat.

☆ Bakugou looks freaking scary when it happens that it haunts your classmates for a long time. It will take them a long time to find something scarier than the look on Bakugou's face when someone messes with you. Stage fright? What is that? Think about this then you'll forget about that stupid fright.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

♡ Similarly to Midoriya, he chooses not to use unnecessary violence. Most of the time, he tries to talk it out. To begin with, Todoroki wasn't well acquainted with most of his classmates. He's usually chill with everything. Just like some of his classmates, he never really paid any heed to Mineta when he was talking about girls.

♡ But now that he's dating you, he's gotten more conscious of what people say. He might be a bit dense when it comes to relationships but he's learning! He's able to identify jealousy and all the weird, fluttery feelings he gets around you. But when Mineta starts talking excitedly about your features, he was able to separate the feeling fro jealousy quite easily. It was just pure disgust.

♡ Now, Todoroki doesn't really speak and only does so when it's necessary. He never said anything when the pervert is talking about the girls and all that. For starters, Mineta is a pervert who frequently lusts after and sexually harasses his female classmates, even though that's far from a hero should do. Boy gets mad when Mineta brings your name up.

♡ Todoroki opts to glare at Mineta when he talks about you, a disapproving stare sent his way. When his glaring does nothing to solve the situation, he will warn Mineta with words, telling him to stop because it's really disrespectful. He tries to stay calm and manages to do so, at least in expression-wise but deep inside, he's troubled. He doesn't like other guys talking about you like that. Sure you had the looks that attracted several men but he can't blame you.

♡ When Mineta takes it too far, to the point you were starting to get uncomfortable and bothered by his comments, Todoroki gets a bit serious, knowing how words weren't the best way to solve this. He didn't want to resort to threats but with the way you were behaving, he can't control himself. He tries to keep casualties to a minimum so he would step forward and face Mineta, glaring at him with eyes that say 'You piss me off, I will turn you into a block of ice'.

♡ Afterward, Mineta never had the guts to talk about you inappropriately. Todoroki sticks close to you from then on, not wanting anyone making you uncomfortable again.

AIZAWA SHOUTA

♧ Aizawa is seriously sick of everything. He always shows up in class looking ready to pass out at any second. His students were usually rowdy, making noise before he showed up for homeroom. There was the group of daredevils who annoyed Bakugou, Mineta screaming about something and Iida's loud voice that tried to overwhelm the crowd, barking orders to make them keep it down.

♧ You happen to be a teacher who was in charge of helping him with stuff, to put it simply, you were like an assistant of some sort. And he was so grateful that you were there to help if not, he would've been twice as tired than he is normally. He has students' homework to grade, wake up early every day, deal with his students and many other things. 

♧ Let's face it, everyone is annoyed with Mineta. He was always making lewd comments about girls and in some cases, going as far as to harass them. Aizawa was rarely there to stop him but it seems like everyone in Class 1-A deal with that annoying grape pervert. Something that he's really grateful of. He trusts his students to deal with whatever problems themselves but he makes sure that they know he's there if they need help with anything.

♧ It was no surprise that you had been a target of Mineta's harassment. He drools over any women it seems. You were mature enough to handle the situation yourself but it didn't change the fact that it was annoying you. On one hand, he's very proud to see you standing up for yourself and the students. However, he's irritated at the fact that he can't just expel him on the spot.

♧ Aizawa usually looks like he doesn't care but when push comes to shove, he's not afraid to speak his mind. After all, he is known to expel students who he feels are not suited for UA, he's rigid and strict when necessary, and also has little tolerance for disobedient behavior. Doesn't hesitate to threaten Mineta when Aizawa catches him harassing anyone.

♧ He's very mature about the issue. Makes sure that you're alright before dealing with the issue—aka Mineta by disposing of him in many different ways. Ties him up and throws him into the trash, because that’s where he belongs. Takes you by the hand and cuddles ensure. And during those cuddle sessions, he reminds you not to wear any weird clothing.

♧ “Listen to me, I want to make an announcement, from today onwards, Shinsou Hitoshi will be your classmate. Don’t be annoying. Mineta? I don’t know, he dropped out or something.”

Total: 1623 words Published: 21.08.2019

We’re open for some limited edition prompts featuring Fall and Halloween! Read more here!

Thank you for requesting! *｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و*｡ Oof, please pretend they’re all dating ok? Trying to finish up as much as we can and post em all! PS: we love you for sending us something, anon (´,,•ω•,,) ― author Hibiki/Lou

Thank you for requesting! We’ve done our best, please praise us. Hope you like it, anon! We’re happy to hear you say that you love our blog and we’re so sorry to make you wait so long for this (･ω･`〃) ― author Natsuki

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[kpop-pick-me-up]

How to loosely gauge where you stand on the privilege scale.

Everybody has some sort of privilege over someone else. It doesn't make you a bad person to have privilege. What makes you a bad person, is not being aware that you have a privilege and criticizing those who have less privilege than you for calling you out on it. So here is a very loose way to find out how much privilege you have. Feel free to add more questions in the comments I'll add them in!

Create a small "staircase" by laying out 21 pieces of paper on the floor, or just 21 small objects to mark the steps. (Have extra in case you need to add as you go)

Start by standing by/on the middle one.

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I white? If yes, take two steps up the stairs. If not, take two steps back.

I am female. If not, take one step forward, if yes take one step back.

I am straight. If yes, take on step forward. If not, take one step back.

I am naturally thin/fit and have no difficulty finding my size in stores or seeing models and celebrities that have similar body types to mine. If true, take a step forward and if false, take one back.

I am christrian. If true, take one step up, if false take one step back.

I live, and always have lived, in a safe neighborhood where I felt no danger on a regular basis. If true, take one step forward. If false, take one step back.

I have never been discriminated against because of my race, religion, or sexuality. Discrimination meaning; in the workplace, school, unprompted on the streets etc. If true, take one step forward and if false, one step back.

I can walk down to the street during the day freely without fear of being called out or attacked. If true, take one step forward. If false, take one step back.

I have a caring and loving family. If yes, take one step forward. If not, take one step back.

I have access to fresh foods that aren't canned, bagged, or prepackaged regularly, and never had to wonder when my next meal would be. If true, take a step forward. If false, take a step back.

I have never been scared of/had my power, cable, water, or electricity turned off because of insufficient funds. If true, take one step forward. If false, take one step back.

My parents/grandparents offer to help/Currently help pay some of my bills or funding. If true, take a step forward. If not, take a step back.

I have never not had a warm bed to sleep in, or a roof over my head. If true, take a step forward and if false take a step back.

I have access to things like the internet regularly, and the ability to further and choose my education if I wished to. If yes, take a step forward, if not take a step back.

I am transgender. Of true, take a step back. If false, take a step forward.

The top of the staircase is success. The higher up you are the easier it's achievable, the less stairs you have to trudge up to get there. You should notice by now you're probably rotating between the same 3-4 steps. Or you're continuously moving forward, or continuously moving backwards. This is where you loosely stand on the privileged staircase. If you're at the top, you are very privileged. It doesn't mean life is perfect or you've never been sad, it just means society has no reason to hold you back, and true oppression will never happen. You have little to no steps to climb. If you're at the bottom you don't experience any privilege in today's society. You are forced to trudge up every step, through every barrier to even just see the top. If your still directly in the middle, you're more privileged than some, and less than others. You get the gist.

This is just to make you more self aware and understand that you don't have to have a perfect life to be privileged, that having privilege doesn't make you a bad person. It means you need to be aware of the privileges you have and how it effects those that DONT have the same ones. To grab their hands and say "you're a person like me, I'll support you in whatever you need to do. I understand I'm privileged and that somethings may be harder for you even if I don't understand it. So please lead the way so I know how to use my privilege to make this better for you. To be equals. You have the floor because I know nothing about what it's like. "

You do NOT put yourself on a pedestal and say "I'm more privileged I'll be their hero."

You do NOT treat them like a disease or that there is something wrong with them and they need help all the time.

You ask them what it's like, you LISTEN to what they have to say with all of your attention because in this time, you don't completely understand and you never will. They are strong, independent beautiful people who don't need saving. Many of them have climbed from the bottom of the steps to the top and deserve every fucking second of praise and reward they recieve. They just need support and friendship. They need RESPECT. They need you to gently grasp their hand as they pass you in the steps, give them a part on the back and say "you're so fucking strong keep pushing yourself." And by listening to their stories when they pause on your step to rest and sharing them as they are said to you word for word is the only way to ever even think of changing the staircase.

You can be angry with where you stand. I want you to be angry. I want you to scream and rage and cry and say "this isnt fair" and then SCREAM EVEN LOUDER. if youre at the top I want you to be angry. I want you to be so mad that you use what you have to understand those below you, o want you to be so mad that you jump off the fucking staircase and say "how the fuck do I break it?" If you're at the bottom I want you to say "SCREW this staircase" and climb the railing to your own success. I want you to find a way to climb without it. To say "Fuck the stair case" and soar because you have just as much potential as the person in front of you and deserve to live and be happy.

Maybe we can never change it. Maybe we are stuck on this stupid staircase, so you give up and ignore it all together. But if we do that we won't ever know if we can weaken the cement holding it together. We never will know if maybe part of the staircase gets cut off or someone gets a chance to hop up a step.

But the first step? (The most difficult for some) is to acknowledge where you stand, and do something about it.

Edit: since I got some feedback Id like to make a couple things clear.

This isn't an exact placement. It's a social exercise. It helps people humble themselves or become more self/socially aware. The act of taking a step forward while knowing someone has to take a step back or even WATCHING someone else take a step back is enough to make a person think. It simply gives you an idea that: "maybe this DOES negatively impact people" or "I take that for granted." It's not an exact place. Of course, if you wanted an exact place you'd need to be severely tested, create multiple staircases for individual topics and then do math to find the average of where you stand. That's not what this is about. It's the action itself.

I would also like to mention that this is just a very basic outline. You can take this game and alter it, use it for specific topics like jobs, mental health, lgbtq+ etc. It's all up to you the questions you ask. Whenever I play this game I always start asking random questions I've seen discussed in the media to see how things going on effect those around me. There will be a couple questions I add up there because they are good valid questions, you can also simply create more and ask yourself them in the moment. Just like how the real world is there are no set structures or rules, just a basic outline.

Also, someone decided to comment on my Grammer and how I worded the questions lmao. I really don't care because posts like these are just brain dumps. They're stuff I just write out quickly on my phone and document for my own sanity. I often don't have the time to sit an plan out brain dumps they just happen, and I have to post them within the time constraints I have. For example I had to write this in less than ten minutes. I also never reread brain dumps because then I end up deleting them. So trust me, I know the grammar isn't great for any of my brain dump posts but that's what they are, dumps. This is just something I do to help connect with people since I have a lot of communication issues and difficulty understanding people, thoughts etc. This game and my brain dumps are how I get through them.

Please, if you think of any good questions feel free to add them in the comments or reblog with more. Check for new questions in the comments.

Again, don't take this too seriously, it's a brain dump and very quickly written. I never expect any brain dumps to get attention, so I feel no need correct grammar or make sure everything is 100% perfect all the time. I just write and go so I can focus on my task at hand. It's that simple.

[redbeanboi]

same anon for mista and i love your hcs! 💖 is it ok if i ask again but this time with him pining after you for so long and just wants to be out with it and sweep you off your feet and call you his if thats alright?

AHHH!!! I love pining. And I think Mista would be such a sweet sweet doofus in love so I have fun imagining these kinds of things for him. I’m going to do a hybrid between a fanfic and an hc post, so expect like… a story, but in bullet form??? hopefully that makes sense (and hopefully this is ok!!). Here’s some Mista pining for the longest time ever… FT. the members of the Bucci gang (and Trish), who collectively decide to meddle a bit so you can just start going out already.

absolutel y LOVIng the enthusiasm for our italian marksman,,,, so if you like this ask for more Mista because writing him is actually really fun for me

also i purposely made my grammar and spelling and my voice and such very silly for this thing so please excuse that. i’m having some fun too

**mostly written from Mista’s POV**

wordcount: 3.0k

sO

it’s been a few years now that Giorno’s been the boss

and you joined the gang a couple years ago

haven’t really climbed up the ranks, but!! Bucciarati took notice of your good work and so did Giorno

so you were assigned to work with Bucci’s team

and you’ve been there for the past year and a half

and for the past year or so, mista has had the fattest crush on you

narancia and trish took an immediate liking to you when bruno introduced you

so they introduced you to mista

anyway it’s just

so easy to fall in love with you

you’ve got the heartiest and dorkiest laugh he’s ever heard and he loves it

face of an angel 

loves how you know when to crack a joke and when to get serious

beautiful lips!!! pretty and soft looking and he just wants to kiss you!!

ahem–

right

beautiful eyes!! he has no idea how many times he’s gotten lost in them, but he’s stared at them pretty often

very very intelligent, always seen with a book when the team has downtime

mista reads a lot too, but he’s been picking up more books now that he’s seen you read

that way he can do something together with you

sometimes you’ll recommend books to him

he THOUGHT he would hate the philosophy book you recommended to him

he hates philosophy and hates overthinking anything

but it turns out, the course of love was right up his alley like you suggested

and now mista is more convinced than ever that you’re his soulmate

he’s like

dead sure

100%

you’re perfect to him

sweet, funny, caring–the entire package

unfortunately guido’s convinced that you’re wayy out of his league

usually he’ll ask someone out regardless

the possibility of being shot down never scared him before

“ya win some ya lose some”

thaT used to be his mindset

but with you?!! no

he’s definitely not risking that

he’s already got something pretty good going on with you

doesn’t want to wreck the current relationship you have with each other

you’re friends and you have fun with each other

it’s basically perfect!!

except

mista obviously wants a little more than that

kisses and cuddles and maybe some other stuff too if you’re up to it

but what if you don’t want that??

and if he asks you out or tells you how he really feels

what happens???

if you say no, what’ll happen to your friendship after that??

god now he’s overthinking everything again!!

anyway it’s valentine’s day

and the entire team celebrates together because none of you have any plans

and you’re all just hanging around giorno’s big fancy house in the posillipo district of napoli

everyone’s just lounging around one of the sitting rooms when mista gets up and excuses himself to get a drink from the kitchen

Trish notices he’s been in the kitchen for way too long tho (and isolating yourself from the rest of the company is NOT party behavior)

so she goes there, sees Mista feeding the Sex Pistols a bunch of snacks and decides to take action

“Mista”

“mhm” Mista feeds number 5 another chip, looks up at trish and then goes back to feeding his babies again

final straw for trish

“oh look it’s y/n” trish points over his shoulder and mista immediaTELY scrambles around the counter and starts to stutter “I was just joking, calm down”

at least he’s snapped out of it

“don’t make jokes like that!!” mista huffs and smooths his sweater down before like, triple checking to make sure you’re not actually within earshot

“what’s the matter with you? you always get so jumpy when someone mentions y/n” she starts wagging her finger at him. “is it because you think y/n’s cute?? or is it because you have a crush on--”

“i don’t–i don’T have a crush on y/n!!” he starts digging around giorno’s fridge for a drink and just settles on cracking open a peroni

yes, mista

drink some beer

that will totally solve your problems

anyway he does like you

the thing is

he’s not sure if you like him back

and usually he’s ok with people knowing if he has a crush on someone

but now that it’s you he wants to keep it to himself

he’s always considered bucciarati, abbacchio, narancia, fugo, giorno and trish like family, but he’s not about to admit he has a crush on you

because he knows 100% that they’ll all tease him, 

((ok maybe not giorno so much, but guido definitely wouldn’t put it past the other five))

he’s just not about that lifestyle

especially because narancia and trish would definitely end up letting it slip to you

and he can’t have that

no sir

when someone even slightly suggests that what mista feels for you is more than just plain old friendship he just goes pffFFfffTT me? no. no crush. i don’t do dating. or crushing. too busy for that crap

but like

cmon

everYONE knows

it’s pretty damn obvious he has a crush on you

always being the first to volunteer to get paired up with you on missions

always the first to shoo away any creep who tries to flirt with you

also he definitely throws longing glances at you whenever you’re not looking

has stared at your lips

and bruno’s caught him doing that MORE than once

((seven times now, if you must know. bruno’s been counting))

“are you going to talk to y/n tonight?” trish asks, nudging him. “neither of you have said a word to each other” 

mista’s cheeks flare up immediately

now everyone knows you’re single

even mista

it’s the only reason why he’s letting himself daydream about you

but just the thought of asking you out makes him want to piss himself

he’s part of a gang, yes

he’s also part of bucciarati’s team

he’s been through life or death scenarios

he’s been at death’s doorstep more times than you can probably count

he has a place among these hardened criminals

but you just make him SO so nervous

he can’t look at you straight in the eye for more than three seconds before he starts blushing and looking away

and either you’re too dumb to notice or he’s just so so out of your radar that you ignore all his obvious feelings

“was wondering where you guys went” narancia came to get a drink too, cracks open a beer too and sits on the counter. “what’re we talking about”

“we’re talking about how much mista loves y/n”

“oh i love talking about that–wait” narancia coughs on his beer.

mista knows EXACTLY where this is going. “don’t–”

“you and–” narancia claps a hand over his mouth and starts laughing “i KNEW IT”

and soon enough everybody else (minus you) has joined them in the kitchen

everyone’s teasing mista about you (minus giorno, who’s just shaking his head), narancia’s making kissy noises

abbacchio keeps making these “just ask her out already, you idiot”

Bruno is saying “you’ll never know what happens if you don’t say anything, and we all know you want to say something–”

fugo is telling him “if you don’t take your shot now, you might not get your chance”

mista wants to SCREECH

“shut up! what if y/n hears you idiots”

and fugo goes “has anyone else noticed that thing that mista does, where he feeds y/n a bite of his food ALL the time, but he never does it with us unless we ask”

“or the one time mista took a bullet for y/n”

“or that one time he broke y/n’s umbrella so they’d HAVE to share his umbrella”

“it was broken, idiots! that’s why I shared mine”

“mmmmhm sure it was”

and fugo nudges mista a little too hard and mista spills beer on himself

“fuck you guys” and mista grumbles and shoves past them to go to the bathroom upstairs

everyone exchanges glances

giorno just jams his thumb into his temple and sighs. “how have they not gotten together yet?”

literally everyone in that room has actively tried to push you two together

none of it has worked, obviously

 you aren’t making a move

neither has mista

you two are adults but you’re acting like teenagers

except most teenagers prob would’ve acted on their feelings now

and just two minutes after, you stroll into the kitchen super grumpy

“why did everyone ditch me in the sitting room?”

“oh we were just talking about you” bruno hums and pops a biscotto into his mouth

“yeah? what about?”

“talking about how wimpy you and mist–MmmP” Abbacchio claps a hand over Narancia’s mouth before he finishes

“want anything to drink?” fugo asks. his eyes are darting around like crazy and you think its  s u s p i c i o u s !!!

“it’s alright I’ll get something later”

giorno wants to conduct a little experiment

mista doesn’t want to talk about his feelings for you

and you haven’t said anything really, but he has a feeling you’re not going to deny any of this 

“oh, there you are mista”

and immediately you just duck under the counter behind giorno and start fixing yourself–hair, shirt, EVERYTHING

giorno just stares at you

so do the others

god its official–you and mista were made for each other

“god help me,” abbacchio gives you a hand. “what’s up with you? slip on a wet patch or something?”

you glare at all of them. “Why the hell did you do that?” 

giorno smiles. you’re all pretty familiar with each other so cussing and acting a little friendly isn’t an issue.

but now bruno wants to go upstairs and dunk mista’s head into some water and tell him to just ask you out already

it’s so infuriating for them

everyone knows how much you like each other

everyone

everyone except you and mista anyway

and you’ve liked mista for almost the same amount of time he’s liked you

it’s not your fault!!!

Mista is beautiful

the most beautiful face in the world!!! and the body of a greek god

sculpted like some fancy statue

he’s sweet, can be very polite

does his job so well

smart

best, dreamiest smile you’ve ever seen

great taste in food

the best person to talk to–never too serious, but you always know he’s listening

always super super protective and considerate towards civilians and is TOTALLY against getting normal people wrapped up into their fights and work

and he’s so perfect

also not to be a pig, but you can definitely appreciate what a great ass he has

“you like mista, don’t you?” trish asks

you shrugged. “so what if I do? lots of people like mista”

“but you LIKE like him”

you’re not going to flat out deny it

otherwise giorno might take it as “oh y/n doesn’t want to be paired up with mista anymore for missions, so blah blah blah”

and nope, can’t have that

you can at least tell your new friends about your feelings

not that you’ll act out on them of course

and you’re shy about it still so you’re not going to even tHINK about telling mista

it’s fine you can just read books next to him forever

and then just watch when he finally finds someone he likes and goes out with them instead

ouch

speaking of mista

where is he

“so,… where’s mista?”

“he’s in the bathroom, but he’ll be coming down soon” fugo just points to the staircase

giorno just adds “i was thinking of taking us all out for dinner too”

so half an hour later you’re at libeccio

which is great, service and food are sublime

except you’re seated across the table from mista

and he’s not looking at you

so you just decide to talk to abbacchio and bruno since mista’s ignoring you

and mista gets a little nervous and sees how you’re talking away with abbacchio

and fair enough, abbacchio’s a great guy to talk to once he’s warmed up to you

and he’s smart and good looking

and mista’s convinced that maybe you’re just into older guys!! and bad boys!!

abbacchio’s got that aesthetic nailed down

mista starts wondering if he can pull it off

and he looks at abbacchio’s get up and gets pretty depressed

yeah, that’s not happening

you’d definitely make fun of him if you caught him dressing up like abbacchio

and he kinda stares into the bottle of mineral water on the table and spaces out

fuck this he’ll just pretend he’s on a date with you and zone everyone else out

and all of a sudden giorno looks at his watch and gets up from his seat

“I’m sorry, it looks like I’m going to have to leave early–I forgot about an appointment I was supposed to have”

mista looks confused

so do you

everyone else though is like “yeah that makes total sense giorno”

and you’re looking at them all like ??? “It’s night time”

and Bruno, the underboss gets up too

“I should probably go with you actually,”

and then Abbacchio quirks a brow…. and then a couple of seconds later sighs and adds “actually I think I have to go home and water some plants”

and you’re getting annoyed at this point “I thought you guys wanted to celebrate valentine’s day together!! I could’ve stayed home and watched movies or something tonight, jerks”

and then fugo leaves because he’s suddenly got some errands to do

and narancia and trish leave when they realize they’ve “suddenly got mani-pedi appointments” even though…. all the salons are closed at this hour

and you’re PISSED

mista stays behind though, and you’re actually really really happy about that

“thank god, at least I have you, right?”

and mista just laughs nervously

“yeah,,, I’m here for you”

and he WANTS TO SCREECH

but thankfully you just smile and clap your hands excitedly and lean over and share a menu with him

“ok !! let’s order some really expensive food and have them send the bill to the almighty ‘Don Giorno,’ huh???” and mista’s heart melts because

that is such a a brilliant idea

god you’re perfect

“yeah let’s do that,” and he just kinda basks in the proximity and lets himself get comfortable

and you both order some really tasty stuff!!!

affetati misti and burrata affumicata for appetizer (the pistols love it), risotto al pescatore and spaghetti alla carbonara for the first course, gamberoni alla griglia and filetto alla brace for the second course

and then you guys leave libeccio and find some gelateria

and you’re not really up for getting your own gelato because you’re so stuffed

but mista’s still a little hungry

and after that he offers to walk you home

the weather’s pretty nice anyway so you’re like “!! yes that sounds perfect”

and then halfway thru you ask if you can try some of his gelato and he’s like

“yeah,,, totally fine haha”

and he’s NOT screaming when you start helping yourself to his hazelnut gelato

and he kinda gestures at your mouth when some of it gets plastered to the corner of your lip

and you’re about to wipe it off yourself when he swipes his thumb around your lip

and he just kinda looks away and mutters “yeah, all good now”

the rest of the walk is super silent

so silent

not that either of you mind really

and then suddenly you’re at your apartment

and you’re about to say bye to mista

and it’s just you two and no one’s around and it’s Valentine’s Day so

why not give him a hug

so you lean in to give him a hug and mista’s like thinking ok this is happening and i am actually very fine with this

and he just kinda meets you halfway and hugs you

except he trips and all his weight kinda pushes you up against the door to you apartment

and it takes you a good minute to realize that

you’re kissing him

mista’s lips

your lips

and you wanted it to happen, yes but 

oh no now everything’s RUINED

and mista just scrambles away when he realizes what he’s done and bows his head

and all of a sudden he’s babbling a bunch of nonsense and he’s so nervous

oh god it’s ruined

everything’s ruined

and he’s just moving his hands around and talking way too fast

and he’s so so full of remorse

and he tries to like lay a hand on your shoulder or like hold your hand or something but you’re staring at him like he’s grown five EXTRA heads

and maybe they’re all very attractive heads because he swears you’re blinking and babbling and looking away bashfully

and it’s so cute but he fucked up

he fucked up real bad

this is all his fault

“oh god, i’m so sorry” and he’s speaking so quickly. “please don’t leave. or you can i guess, i messed up–”

and you’re really confused because??? you thought he like flinched away because he DIDN’T like you

“i don’t understand what you’re saying mista–”

“it’s fine ! don’t worry about me, just–” he’s like shaking his head because he already messed up by kissing you, he doesn’t want to say something stupid “please just tell me what you want me to do? I know I fucked up”

and you’re just staring at him and he wants to be swallowed up by the ground right about now

“do you want me to leave you alone? i can ask giorno to transfer you to another team or something, please just–”

“I didn’t mind it”

mista just stops talking and looks at you … what

“I… actually liked it”

and he’s blinking

this can’t be real

you’re way way wayy out of his league

does this mean

“this is probably the worst time to say it, but I like you”

mista’s silent now

and then you have to swat him in the shoulder

“I said that i like you, you idiot”

and mista just gets this cheesey smile on his face and starts repeating it “you like me?? really???”

“i said it twice now, mista” and you’re just standing in front of him, hands on your hips. “at least say something back or-or SOMETHING”

and he does

he says everything

he just lets it all out

he’s liked you ever since he met you

he thought you were pretty cool already at first

and then he just got the biggest crush on you the more he got to know you

and basically

“do you…. want to keep doing this?? dinner and stuff”

and you nod so much your head might fall of your shoulders

and yes

it’s official

guido mista is now your boyfriend

unreal

and 

when you guys come to work the next day and are chatting up a storm and mista just leans on you and has this big goofy grin on his face

everyone’s watching and noticing

and bruno just smiles and shakes his head 

and you’re just glowing!! and smiling ear to ear

abbacchio just goes

“took you guys long enough”

ok but

im so sorry this was long--

but i love mista he’s my son and i want him to be in LOVE!!!!

best boy in the world, point blank.

fr though guys, if you want more fic/hc hybrids like this

let me know…. this was actually really fun and like

super stress free,,,, no pressure at all,,,, just all fun and laughs!!!

sidenote: that book i linked, “the course of love” is actually a very good book…. and if you’re a total romantic or just love the idea of love… then I highly recommend that you read it. i know mista would love it.

[9498j]

taeyong | ignored (ghost!reader au)

[ pairing: office worker!taeyong x ghost!reader ]

it had been a couple of years since the last tenant had moved out of the apartment you permanently lived in. nobody knew about you though. they couldn’t see you. after all, how could they see a ghost?

you weren’t the scary, “going to haunt this place for eternity” kind of ghost, but more of the chill, “i’m just going to mind my own business and float here for a bit” kind of ghost. you couldn’t remember how you’d died or why you were haunting that specific apartment, and honestly, you didn’t care. even if you knew the answers nothing would change. also the place was nice and you had fun possessing the objects to scare whoever was living there.

you’d just unpossessed the old toaster the last owner had left here when the door opened and a real estate agent walked in (you’d seen plenty of them walk in and out of the house and had learnt to identify them), followed by a man in his twenties.

“and this is the last house mr. lee,” the realtor said.

“can i take a look?” taeyong said.

“of course.”

as he walked around the apartment, you floated on to the ground and followed him around. although you could walk like any other living human, you chose to float because why wouldn’t you?

“what’s the neighbourhood like?” taeyong asked.

“the neighbourhood,” the realtor replied, “is peaceful.”

you didn’t notice because you were too busy laughing at the realtor’s lie, but taeyong had given you a quick glance and had a small smile on his face.

“so, how loud is it actually?” he asked, smiling. as taeyong waited for the realtor to give her answer, you took your time to really look at him. he was wearing a black suit. his tie was hanging loose around his neck and it seemed as if he’d ran his hands through his hair several times. it was messy but he looked... nice. 

the realtor gave a sheepish laugh. “not too loud. it’s calm and peaceful and quiet during the weekdays, a little loud on the weekends but nothing too bad, i can guarantee you that.”

“except for that one couple that shout at each other every other day,” you added.

“i’ll take it.”

“good luck with that,” you said and floated over to pat his head out of pity but at that moment he bent down to tie his shoelaces. you shrugged it off as a coincidence and watched as they left.

taeyong had taken two weeks to move into the place. you’d never seen one person with so much stuff before. you would have tried to help him unpack but it would require too much energy that you didn’t have to be able to pick up an object. there was also the fact that you would have exposed yourself to him and that was a big no-no.

although you were no longer alone in the apartment, it still felt like you were. taeyong went to work early and didn’t come home ‘til late. he didn’t spend much time home on the weekends either. you passed the days floating around the house, sometimes staring at the window, watching people go about their daily lives.

the one thing you missed about being alive was talking to people. you hadn’t been a social butterfly but you had a few close friends and your family that you talked to everyday. as a ghost, you had no one. all you wanted was a few seconds of human interaction.

your wish was granted when you’d accidentally scared taeyong whilst he was working from home one night. usually you were careful to keep space between yourself and him, but on this particular night, taeyong had suddenly turned around in his chair to find your face extremely close to his. he’d screamed and clutched at his chest, almost as if he was trying to stop his heart from jumping out.

you’d jumped back from his scream. he’d seen you? he’d. seen. you.

“oh my god! hi! you can see me? have you been able to see me this whole time? or did it start now? hi! i’m y/n! i live here!” you rambled, excited that you’d maybe get to have some communication with the living.

“you don’t live here. you haunt here.”

“right. same difference.”

it was awkwardly silent for a minute or so before taeyong cleared his throat and said, “i have been able to see you this whole time. i’ve just been ignoring you. from past experience, it’s best for both us if i don’t acknowledge you.”

“o-okay. that’s fine. i’ll stay out of your way. nice meeting you anyway.” you trudged over to the living room floated into the sofa taeyong rarely used.

seven years later and you’d finally talked to someone, just to find out that you were being ignored. why am i hiding? i’m the ghost. i was here before him, you thought to yourself. coming out of the sofa, you took your previous place behind taeyong and quietly watched as he put some numbers into a spread sheet.

“isn’t that boring?” you asked. you weren’t expecting an answer so when the room was as silent as it had been for the last few weeks, you weren’t surprised. “you do the same thing over and over again, it must get boring. what do you like to do for fun?” no answer. “i like reading. i hated going out. i miss it now though. must be nice having the freedom to go wherever you want.”

“look, miss...?”

“just call me y/n.”

“okay, y/n. please leave me alone. i have a deadline and you hovering behind me isn’t going to help me get this done faster.”

“you managed to get your work done all the other times i was here,” you muttered under your breath. unfortunately it wasn’t quiet enough and he heard.

“yeah, that’s because you weren’t talking non-stop.”

i regret wanting to talk to a person, you thought as you stormed out of taeyong’s home office. you paced around the living room wishing there was someway for you to get out of the apartment. but there wasn’t. and you knew that.

you were going to have to live with him for, probably, a long time and you didn’t want there to be any issues. wanting to be the better person, you were going to apologise.

“knock knock,” you said, floating through the door. taeyong ignored you, his eyes not leaving the laptop screen in front of you. “sorry, i would have knocked if it was possible.”

“what do you want?” he exhaled.

“um, i want to apologise. sorry for being annoying and not letting you do your work. you’re the first person that’s lived here in the last two years and the first person to see me in seven. because, you know, well you don’t, but i died seven years ago. i think. i tried to keep count but i lost it a while ago and now i’m just guessing. and i just got really excited that maybe i could finally talk to someone but you want to ignore me and i totally understand. i’m a ghost and all. not normal. supposed to be invisible yet here i am talking to you and i- never mind. sorry for rambling as well.”

not waiting to hear his reply, you started to make your way to the door.

“it’s okay,” he replied quietly. you heard his chair swivel and turned to look at him. his chair was facing you and he was looking at you. maybe through? no. definitely at. “you good at any maths?”

“i can’t remember,” you shrugged.

“right,” taeyong cleared his throat. “er, you want to just stay here and give me company? you can talk about whatever you want.”

“you sure? because i have a lot of questions about everything.” he nodded. grinning, you went back to floating behind him. “what does ‘lit’ mean? i keep hearing the kid upstairs scream ‘that was so lit’ but i don’t understand the context. did he light something on fire? but then the grammar doesn’t make sense. also what’s good music like nowadays? because, again, the kid upstairs - his music is just screaming and -”

“i regret this already.”

[kokobop-fire]

Baby Bump {Jeon Jungkook}

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the gifts that I use, also English is not my first language so sorry for any grammar mistakes.

Gender: Angst, with a little of fluff.

Words Count: 3,609

Gender Reveal

Today you marked five months and said that your belly was giant was, to say the least, your baby was growing fast, the baby loved to kick and more if it was a night to the point that sometimes woke you up in the middle of the night, you still did not know the sex of the baby because you were waiting for your parents to return from a trip to accompany you, so they were the first to know the sex of their first grandchild.

That was the little happiness you could feel lately, the support of Jisoo, Doyoung, and Your family you were grateful. Still, even so, in the darkness of your room, you cried until you fell asleep; two years of a relationship are not easy to forget, even more, when the fruit of that love that you once had was growing in your belly. The looks that your classmates gave you or that people gave you in the street for being pregnant without a man next to you made you cry, and the teenage aspect you had only made it worse. You didn't hate the boys or with the evil on any of them; you just hoped that Jungkook would rot in hell or suffer erectile dysfunction at a young age, and reduce the possibility of getting pregnant another elusive woman and not suffer the same fate than yours.

You smiled when you saw how Jisoo and Doyoung kissed each other as a pose in the photo you were taking; both were good enough to decide to make your company on your little walk to the Han River at midnight helped the baby calm down a little bit. Jisoo was the first one who decided to accompany you when she saw you were leaving the apartment. Doyoung offered to accompany us because it didn't seem like a good idea to let two women walk alone at midnight when one of them is pregnant.

Despite being past midnight, there were still many open places. Among them, your favorite coffee shop, Doyoung, offered to buy you a cup of hot white chocolate if you took a picture of both because, according to Jisoo, it was time to update their profiles.

"My reward, please" you smiled at them as you handed them their phones, causing Doyoung to roll his eyes. "And be quick slave, my baby is eager for that hot chocolate."

You dropped on a close bench, and you sighed tired, walking from your apartment to the Han River was not a good idea since you were pregnant, but the view and the mild weather were worth it; you closed your eyes, enjoying the fresh wind that it came in your coat.

"You have super swollen feet," Jisoo commented, causing you to look at her badly, it was true, but she didn't need to say it out loud.

"You'd better be the first one to like our photos, or I'll throw in front of your eyes that cup of hot chocolate, "She threatened before going to accompany Doyoung in the cafeteria.

Sometimes you felt jealous of the relationship they both had; you were thinking how you would be if Jungkook had not abandoned you, as he would react with the baby's kicks, or if he would please you in all your cravings as Doyoung does. 

You put your purse on your belly to prevent people from looking at you too much; you concentrated watching Instagram until you felt a look on you; you tried to ignore it since that person most likely sees your belly. You kept using your phone until you heard someone call your name, you quickly raised your eyes, causing your face to turn white, they were supposed to be away in another country, that's why you felt so safe walking the Han River at this time.

You cursed when you saw how it began to approach your bench; you clung to your bag thanks to the fear you didn't know how to react, you felt as if your mom had caught you eating ice cream after she made it clear that you couldn't, you couldn't respond to your body to move and you cursed Jisoo and Doyoung for their delay.

"Hi," Namjoon's voice made you shudder, but you refused to look up. "How have you been? We have not heard from you in months, and every time we ask Jungkook, he gets upset or cries, so we assume that the two of you decide to break up.

Is he serious?

Jungkook now cried for you when he was the one who destroyed the relationship. Namjoon was going to continue talking, but with that phrase, you had enough, you had to get away from Namjoon before you did something that could destroy your plans.

There are times when the universe turns against people and today was one of those times; you did not take five steps when Namjoon grabbed your wrist. "You should talk to Jungkook; I listen as Chaeyeon was talking about Jungkook telling her that you had left him by a text message and you blocked him for all social media."

"Namjoon, let me go" your voice sounded more broken than you imagined it would say, to think that Jungkook was telling those lies of yours and more telling them to someone you considered your friend, but you had to let go by the link she had with big hit. Why didn't Jungkook leave you alone? "If I block him from all social media will be for a good reason, he was the person who decided to put an end to this relationship, or why don't you ask your dear Maknae what he asked me to do?"

You stayed a moment in silence, analyzing Namjoon's face, your heart cringed when he released your wrist, and his gaze fell on your belly.

"How many months do you have?" His voice sounded nervous, his gaze traveled around trying to make sure no one was listening to their conversation, the distant voice of Doyoung calling you made you turn to see them, Jisoo dedicate you a worried look.

"I'm just asking you to leave me alone and calm; I'm going to continue with my life ahead; just tell him to stop telling lies about me, that he's decided to put an end to the relationship."

Without more, you turned around to meet your friends who were waiting with a look of concern; the arms of Jisoo wrapped you in a firm hug. "I will not leave you alone ever again."

Without realizing it, you were already letting go of the tears that you refused to let go in public; you just wanted everything to end quickly, that your baby is born healthy and be able to give a better life in the small home you were planning to have. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° You smiled at the dean of your faculty before leaving your office; He had approved you for taking the rest of your classes online, allowing you to move away from Seoul with your aunt and grandmother finally. After the meeting with Namjoon, you decided that the best thing would be to get away from the city to avoid future encounters with the rest of the members. Jisoo refused to let her best friend go, but you knew it was best for her, Doyoung could move in with her, and they could take their relationship to another level. Besides, life in Seoul was not the most favorable for a newborn's single and unemployed mother. The island of Jeju was much cheaper for you, and you already had a job secured there.

You couldn't prevent a smile from forming on your lips as you imagined your baby taking his first steps on the sand in the backyard of your grandmother's house. The happiness you had didn't last long when you saw two familiar faces of the big hit staff waiting for you outside the building of your faculty, you got closer and won several strange looks from the people around you. "Bang Pd wants to talk to you, says they have unresolved issues with you."

Possibly it was not a good idea to get in the van, but if you wanted to close the cycles, you had to talk to Bang Pd because if you didn't, he would harass you to make sure your little secret never came to light. As they got closer to the building, more panic would get in, and your baby's kicks were not helping you.

The looks of the staff members made you want to run away; you understood them only knew the version of the child they practically raised and not yours; the way to his office felt like the longest road you had ever walked; you felt as if you had murdered someone and you were already in death row.

"You can pass; they're already waiting for you," his secretary informed you without even looking at you in the eyes; you stopped in front of the door trying to calm down; you knew that Jungkook was going to be in that office. You were not ready to face him; you plan to tell your child, who was his o her father when his or her turn 18.

With Namjoon, you cried. You didn't know what to expect with Bang and Jungkook. In that case, you could not run away because you knew you were not going to get very far until security found you, so you just went into the office; your heart started beating fast when you saw the look without Bang Pd's emotions Jungkook's back.

"Sit down; I don't think that in your condition, it's good that you stand up for a long time," his voice was a bit hard. You could understand his concern; you wanted to understand his situation; both of you screwed up; if the press found out about your pregnancy, you were dead, his fans were going to kill you. You sat slowly, ignoring the look of jungkook. "How many months do you have?"

"5 months."

You gave Jungkook a brief look; you were surprised to notice how worn his face looked and the huge bags under his eyes.

"Do you already know what the sex is?"

"No, I'm going to meet my parents at the end of this week in Jeju to know the sex."

"Jeju?" You trembled a little when you heard his voice for the first time in months "It's the best for all the parts; I'll start from zero in Jeju with my aunt and maternal grandmother."

"And you didn't intend to tell the baby's father your decision?" You looked incredulous at Bang Pd; he can't be serious.

"What happens is that the baby's father four months ago told me that it was best that we got rid of the baby, and I don't have the heart to do that."

"It was the baby's end, not our relationship," Jungkook answered, frustrated.

"Since I knew I was pregnant, the baby became my priority, and if you didn't want it, then you didn't want me either."

Your baby was a part of you; if someone didn't want it, then they didn't love you, and the fact that he was saying that only made you want to hit him more.

"Bang Pd with all respect I don't understand what I'm doing here, I'm moving to an island away from all of you; I told Namjoon that I don't need anything from you, I just ask you to forget about me as I will try to do the same" You stay quiet trying to calm down "If you want I can sign a confidentiality agreement so that I can never talk to anyone about the identity of my baby's father."

Bang nodded at your words. "I'm glad you think about this situation; after talking with Jungkook, he wants to be responsible; he wants you to move in together in the apartment that he bought during the remainder of your pregnancy and after the baby is born, make a custody agreement."

"That's not going to happen," you answered dry, sharing custody with someone who didn't love the baby from the beginning; you turned to see Jungkook, who had his eyes on his lap "that's what you want?"

"Yes"

"Do you want to take my baby away?"

"I don't want to take it away; I just want us to share the responsibility of a mistake we both made; I know that at first, I don't react in the best way, but I am very sorry, and I miss you too much."

"I think it's best to leave you alone, so you can talk better," Bang's uncomfortable voice informed you before practically running towards the door; you could feel the tension in the office; Jungkook waited for the door to close before continuing.

"I love you, and these months without you have been completely horrible, and the thought that I forced you to kill our baby because of me was eating me when Namjoon arrived furiously and told me that he had seen you pregnant, happiness didn't fit my body."

He was looking for you just because Namjoon forced him to take responsibility for his mistake, you could hear the emotions in Jungkook's voice, but he was not the person who spent four months under the prejudices of a closed-minded society, where a single young mother meant many wrong and shameful things.

"What do you want to get with this Jungkook? That I forget everything and jump back into your arms? "Your voice sounded hard and full of anger" I know that for you, it is not essential. Still, I was the one who had to see the disappointed face of my parents when I told them that I was pregnant and didn't have your support; I was the one who endured the murmurs of my classmates for being pregnant and without a partner" You quickly stand up, you could not stand being in the same room as Jungkook."  I'm sorry, Jungkook, but my decision is made; I'm going to live in Jeju, and nothing is going to change my mind; from now on, I'll text you when something relevant happens with the baby, but that's it" Ignored the look of Bang and his secretary when you left the office.

The last few months, you had fantasized about finding Jungkook and giving him a big slap in the face; you imagined how you were going to rain a fit of pure anger on him, but in reality, you just cried, and that was something you hated and even more if he was in front of other people. Pregnancy and its hormones had made you a completely new person, and crying was the only thing you were doing lately.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° You closed your eyes, trying to control the tears; you just wanted to get to Jeju and try the famous Octopus skewers of your grandmother.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Jisoo sobbed on your neck; you rolled your eyes at how dramatic your best friend could be; you were going to miss her too much.

"We're only going to be an hour and a half away," You answered with a playful look, earning a hit from her. "Jisoo is true. Jeju is only an hour and a half away by plane, and for you, I would answer the phone at any hour."

It had been three days since you last saw Jungkook, and you were grateful that no one from that company had tried to contact you. Still, one night unconsciously, you were looking for more Jungkook fansites to watch their photos or see their latest shows; you observed the apartment he had bought and fantasized about how your baby would be growing up among those luxurious walls. Until Jisoo entered your room and confiscated your phone and sent you to finish packing your last things, you were still waiting for the confirmation that your other belongings had arrived and that they didn't sink in the middle of the ocean.

Doyoung gave you a big hug lifting you slightly from the ground. "I'm going to miss you, cupcake" that stupid nickname, Doyoung put it on you the second week of your friendship, and you hated him completely, you hit him in the stomach "you should go before your flight left you."

You grabbed your little purse and headed for the door that indicated your ticket; you didn't look back because you knew you were going to break into tears and you would go back to your apartment with Jisoo.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° You sighed, frustrated when you saw your watch again, and you saw that it was already an hour of waiting for your aunt at the airport entrance. You were tired, the whole flight you feel dizzy, and you just wanted to get there and sleep

You grabbed your luggage, ready to take a taxi to your grandmother's house when you saw your aunt enter at full speed. "I am sorry, honey, but your grandmother and I lost track of time in the market."

You finished assembling your luggage with her help before looking inside the car, noticing the absence of your grandmother and the market's packages. 

"Where is Nana?"

"I had to leave her in the market to be able to come looking for you."

The way from the airport to the house was quick, your aunt was the happiest person you knew, not even when you met Hoseok did you change your opinion about your aunt, catch up with her, made you happy, you had missed your aunt.

"These are the keys to the house, and I recommend that you sleep a little because there is no food, and we are going to delay the cooking" she smiled before restarting the car.

You put your hand on your belly, caressing the place where he was giving his little kicks; you noticed that there was another car parked in the entrance of the house, but you ignored probably it is a neighbor's car, you were willing to enter and take hot bath and sleep until the next day, for your new job. You were going to start working in the restaurant that your aunt and grandmother had. You always liked that restaurant. In recent years, it became popular among the tourists, giving them both a significant income. You were ready to become their new cashier.

Your heart fell in your stomach when you opened the door, and you found Jungkook on one knee in the middle of the room. "No, I cannot do this now Jungkook, Jeju was going to be my new start. What are you doing here?"

"I love you with all my soul; I cannot let you go easily, your words opened my eyes, and one of the first steps to return with you was to apologize to your parents and friends. The last two days have not been easy. Your dad and Doyoung hit me very hard; at least they were considerate enough not to hit me in the face. "He laughed without encouragement" Yesterday I faced the same looks of the disappointment of my parents when I told them everything, my mother hit me as if there was no tomorrow until my dad stopped her" He paused, taking out a small black velvet box, You shook your head, this could not be happening "I have the blessing of your parents, my brother chose the ring, you Aunt and grandmother were kind enough to pick me up at the airport and let me stay here. "

You shook your head again before kneeling in front of him; listening to his words and seeing that he was on the verge of crying made you start crying. "Jungkook, if you had asked me that question 6 months ago, I would have considered it seriously, but you broke my heart, and I cannot marry you for those reasons" you put your hand on his cheek, remembering how his skin felt against yours, his hand slowly covered yours "We have to work together and win each other the trust we had before giving a step as big as that."

He nodded; he understood your words, something that made you smile slightly.

 "I still love you, Jungkook; you don't forget two years so fast and less with a baby growing inside me, I am going to return with you to Seoul, and when the baby is born, we see what we are doing. For now, friends?

"Friends are more than enough" he hugged you, you closed your eyes, inhaling the familiar floral scent that he always had, and he slowly separated from you. 

"Can I?" You nodded, taking his hand and placing it in your giant belly just where he was, baby Kicking.

You could not keep the smile that formed on your face thanks to the image of Jungkook looking with love at your belly and feel the kicks of the baby; you heard the click of a camera, causing both to look at the door where your aunt was taking photos.

"You will thank me in the future."

It would be a good photo for the baby's room; you just wished you were making the best decision on returning to Seoul with Jungkook.