#ig that what i'm trying to say is
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he lived, he served cunt, he got put in a psych ward and probably some other shit but I've been too busy looking at all the domestic fluff to figure out the lore
#agshsghd these are still very much early sketches just trying to figure out how I wanna draw the guy ywy#I am struggling so badly to not fall into my old phobs imitation strickes that never really worked anyways.....#tricks*#AHSGSJGSJSHS#AGAJFSJSHSJSHSHJSKHDJD#to my mutual who very muchs knows who they are I am sorry for how annoying i'm going to become#i work like a sleeper agent for both phobs art and murder gingers and well....#fun fact old asher designs circa 2018/19 were heavily phobs coded so you partially have this mfer to blame for asher's rizz#unfortunately this resurgence means I once again have to face my worst enemy....drawing straight hair#agsjsgshdhhd i have way to many things to say but I need to stop bc I need to be awake in....less than two hours fucc#sergey razumovsky#....i don't actually know what I should tag this as whoops://#major grom#major grom plague doctor#bubble comics#ig#idk#aight i'm out#my art#mgpd
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idk it sounds reasonable to me for a teenager to run away bc they didn't want to eat their veggies!
one hopes that by the later stages of childhood a parent will have figured out which veggies and preparation styles work for the kid, and the kid will have resigned themself to what they do and don't have to eat according to their parents, and it's all settled into an equilibrium instead of a daily fight. and hopefully as a teen your palette is expanding and you're even willing to eat more veggies then you did as a child.
however, if the kid is extra picky and stubborn, and the parent is extra determined to make sure they eat a good variety (or just eat whatever the parent prepared no matter what it is), it could absolutely continue to be a regularly-repeated fight. and if something is a continued point of contention throughout childhood then it absolutely makes sense for a teen to go FUCK this, i am nearly an ADULT i am done being told to eat my veggies i am gonna prove my independence and make them realize i don't have to just sit there and let them boss me around!!
like, the childishness of the fight is exactly why a teen would run away about it.
#i'm so picky and only got pickier throughout my teen years#i usually just made myself a separate quick meal when i didn't like dinner#if my parents hadn't let me and had tried to insist i eat the same thing as everyone else?#well. idk what i woulda done bc that would require they have an entirely different parenting style overall.#so who knows what kind of person i would be lol#but leaving the house for a couple hours seems pretty reasonable to me#but it's also normal for a parent to have an 'everyone sits at the table and eats what i've prepared' rule#for a variety of reasons ranging from well-meaning to self-centered#and i'm sure there are parents who will even try to foist the same old veggie rules upon adult children visiting for the holiday#i think 'what's the latest age at which a veggie fight might occur' says more about the parents than the kid#since they're the one turning it into a fight instead of letting it go#so ig if you want them to be closer to model parents then sif would have to be pretty young#but i think 'the type of parent to never stop arguing about veggies' is an interesting flaw to add#to make a parent who is loving and wonderful overall but has their own blind spots and mixed up priorities#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#I UNDERSTAND WHY people think sif must be young and i'm fine w that#this is just my perspective :)#thoughts about siffrin#thoughts
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It's Always Sunny in Pomodoro??
hello, is your hyperfixation on sunny preventing you from studying and doing your work? that's why i hired this mac to stare at you and keep an eye on you during your pomodoro sessions and judge you if you lose focus
#if it says that this page is dangerous then blame Microsoft bc i don't know what i'm doing and they said they provide some certificates#for free just like custom domains but ig they lied bc i'm stuck with this lemon pond#also if something doesn't work or looks shitty on your device message me and I'll try to figure out something#also this is so stupid but like i had to make this#putting this into my portfolio rn#iasip
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Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"
This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:
Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.
Just. A weird amount of obsession.
Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.
Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.
It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.
Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).
And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.
#wish there was a way to search for all italicized text in a wordpad document... cause tumblr de-italicized it all lol#anyway jon manages to be an eye-aligned Freak even when the eye doesn't exist#worried this is ooc tbh but fuck it we ball ig.#anyway hope you enjoyed.#i am. i am so unbelievably nervous about posting this in a way that invites the scrutiny of people beyond my trusted mutuals.#anyway i'm personally deeply entertained by the idea of elias trying to be the most boring version of himself possible.#like just for fun. he's having a great time and nobody else is sure that he has a personality. idk it just speaks to me#also i made them accountants because that's my destiny. there are spreadsheets in my future. the stars have spoken.#but that's ok because i like them. they're kinda soothing honestly.#i really enjoyed principals of accounting tbh.#i barely know what i'm typing at this point i'm super tired lmao.#but this isn't about me this is about Them.#jon saw elias (barely talks to anyone. has never mentioned a personal life. primarily focused on Work.) and went 'wow. freakish.#i've never seen this behavior in anyone before. anyway i'm going to avoid speaking w/ my coworkers whenever possible#and move into a storage closet so i can stay late whenever i want.'#elias 100% knows about that btw. i imagine its the sort of thing that would be difficult to hide. he's not gonna say anything tho <3#anyway sorting tags#jonelias#joneliasweek#joneliasweek2024#sparkwrites#anyway time for sims4 i think.
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hot d s2 is like star wars the last jedi in that there are plenty of valid complaints to make but that valid crit is way overshadowed by nutbar fans making offensive or just downright dumb complaints. difference is the sw original canon trilogy (and even the force awakens) is better media than fire and blood ever was, which makes that whole line of complaint even more annoying imo. i can't like one legit post about the absence of nettles without seeing 10 other complaints i want nothing to do with.
#house of the dragon#i'm not just thinking the too much diversity and needless woke rep by making rhaenyra kiss a woman#and book rhaenyra was a real woman who didnt need a sword to feel strong crowd#but also people being all oh ig we wont see aegon taking aemond's stag betrothal to try to father a new heir#(um a marriage that never happened is not an important story element imo)#and someone saying we spent so little time w cregan the audience won't recognize him later and the hour of the wolf will come out of nowher#(um that's what previously on is for they'll know him by the wolf sigils and people calling him lord stark tom taylor is in his 20s#not a child so hes unlikely to look like a whole new person in a few years)#hot d meta#fandumb w@nkery#(c)lsb
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Have a conversation for my Númenor longfic, apparently.
"You hurt her — you made her bleed—" she stammers, and chides herself for saying inanities.
"I have made a thousand people — bleed, as you so politely put it, Zimraphel. If I was to list them all, we'd be sitting here untill next year."
"Leave," she says through clenched teeth.
"Try not to make any more enemies, will you? I'm a dangerous foe to have."
"The black foe."
"Not quite," he smiles. "Tell me, what would you call a person you spent three hundred years beside, a person whose opinion you valued and whose mind was of greatest interest to you?"
"A friend."
"I wrung every secret from him, drop by drop of blood, and when he had told all and still would not comply, I had him killed and fed his corpse to the dogs. I can be very ruthless when I want to, Zimraphel."
"I was never counting on your mercy."
"I know. I just wanted to make sure we see eachother plain."
He gathers his red-embroidered robes and turns to leave, but first he takes a last look at her. "There is no conceivable reason to spare you that might enter my mind if you ever crossed a certain line, Zimraphel — what are you to me, but a fly of one summer's day, a petty, sickening thing? Take care not to buzz too loud, Your Highness, in my presence or without." He pauses and adds almost nonchalantly. "By the way, I held the Lord of Eregion for seventeen months."
Sauron is honestly far too fun to write for the kind of scumminess he represents.
#I have no idea how this testing of the waters turned into Sauron warning Míriel just how much trying to undermine him might not be#in her best interests#but I guess conversations between characters should add something of matter so perhaps it isn't a bad development?#Anyway if it's better without the last paragraph do let me know.#/#Yes Sauron is... bending the truth a little regarding Celebrimbor. I'm afraid he's a pathological liar at this point#— just saying what he feels sounds best in a given situation regardless of truth (if his idea of best is 'most awful' well...)#Númenor#Silmarillion#sauron#tar-míriel#silm#fanfic#wip#my post#silm fanfic#tw implied torture#(sauron typical levels of eeshiness ig)
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he's gonna be late to his first day of breaking the law
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#it can be arasawa. if you want.#ANYWAY first pic looks like wenis ik but i just wanted to see what i could draw while i watched a speedrun race#so i Was just rushing through these.. just to try to draw faster ig..#plus i just Needed sawashiro on a bike. to continue the tradition of ttm characters riding bikes ig idk--#do i have anything else to say. IDK UNRELATED RAMBLE TIME#i wanna watch we make antiques 2 SOOO bad but when i burned the subs i translated onto the raw#for some reason the subs swapped back to mandarin about twenty minutes in#and i mean i could TRY getting through the rest of the movie with. chinese subs and japanese audio.#but im just trying to re-burn it after retrying the subs SO. fingers crossed.#i plan on watchin the barb|e movie tomorrow so i'm watching at least ONE movie#ok thats all from me bye#i should sleep but i want to squint at my fic a lil longer before ultimately not touching it at all
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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It's worth mentioning that Oda based Alabasta on Egypt AND India....
juuuuust sayin....
#opla#one piece live action#netflix#not trying to justify MENA erasure I'm JUST saying#ig#idk really know what I'm saying#I'm just pointing out#one piece#eiichiro oda
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new character page wip
#i edited the shit out of this code ngl#idk what i'm gonna put under the music section yet#the picture is just a place holder#i definitely like this layout better. not looking forward to having to do new pictures of everyone. again.#i'm also rewriting everyone's bios. again. bc i want them to reflect their current selves more#rn they're like a weird mix of their canon & post-canon selves & they just don't feel very. cohesive. ig#like. most of my edits take place in post-canon so i think their pages should match that?#they're not accurate to the versions of them that i share on here. that's what i mean#mm i just confused myself trying to think about it#ok. i'm gonna go have lunch & then i guess i'll write or something#i had something else i was gonna say but i forgot lol#rainyrambles
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I don't disagree with your whole "Pearl should stay and discover the consequences," per se, because I DO believe getting "rescued" by Gem or Jimmy or Tango or whoever will ultimately not be very good for her character. But. BUT. i DO feel like there's a very likely probability that if and when she does go red, she turns on her "allies" especially if she establishes in her mind that they're toxic and Not Good For Her beforehand. THEN we can have a team-up with somebody else, because it's on her terms. The only problem with that is that it reinforces the picture of Pearl that Scott and Cleo already have in their heads, which is a problem in itself. The bottom line is I'm not quite sure I want to see her disintegrate into nothing because I feel like it would be quite unsatisfying, Instead, I really DO want to see her get driven insane by these people and start murdering, because it would be a better arc for her character as it's all on her own terms rather than being "rescued" by somebody else. The problem with this is that Pearl is too fucking loyal and will probably redirect her homicidal urges toward people outside of PICS. Anyways new Life Series is terrible I love it so much bye. - C
Okay I think I might've worded myself a bit weirdly my bad. When I said I wanted to see Pearl deal with the consequences, I didn't mean it in the sense of I hope she sticks with them the whole season and things never change.
I ALSO don't hope she leaves them for another team. In fact when it comes to watching these live I don't really "hope" anything, I just take what I'm given and work with what I get -- because I know my expectations are going to be significantly more self-indulgent and thus less challenging than what the series itself will present me with. Like if it were up to me we'd be watching six seasons of Ethubs' ongoing toxic married couple roleplay and scott smajor monologuing evangelion style but that isn't what we got and I'm glad for it.
My original "I hope she gets whittled down to nothing" comment was more just me trying to be contrarian and funny since I'd seen a lot of people rallying for her to leave them and join Gem and Joel and I thought I'd be a stick in the mud about it.
TLDR I don't like having expectations. Whatever happens I'm going to make awesome in my head regardless.
Don't get me wrong if she does actually stay with them the whole season and gets kicked around the whole time I'm going to be melting into a puddle of despair and entropy with the rest of you forever I will never be a human being again. But also I love that this series has that effect on me.
#asks#wild life spoilers#traffic spoilers#not to bring what the cc said about this in to play cus i try to not look at that stuff but like#yeah um. i hope(?) it's not tumblr where she got the impression we hated the team up#because i know none of us gaf actually and screams of anguish are our form of showing love and excitement#but like. seeing ppl say stuff like “I can't watch this I'm leaving her for Gem”. idk that rubbed me the wrong way a bit#and I can only imagine it rubs much worse for someone not knee deep in tumblr fandom culture tm#so idk i thought i'd be like. no i WANT to see this. to spice things up#ig this is kinda discourse ????#discourse
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hello !! i'm so sorry if this question is annoying but i couldnt find any info on it so i thought i would ask ?! when is the heart killers coming out 🫣
hi!! we unfortunately don't know yet however jojo did tweet the other day that they've started editing the show and that we'll get to see it soon
@airenyah and i have been speculating about the release date and we landed on october 26th (or maybe november 2nd onward) based on future open slots and the show just giving a saturday slot vibe 🫣
#now i don't expect us to be right about this#but it's fun to speculate yk#anyways#we've lowkey been losing our minds trying to figure out the gmm25 schedule for the rest of the year#bc pluto is coming soon which should get the sunday slot after the enigma rerun in my humble opinion#but so is p10l according to force and emi#and i'm sorry for saying this @aouboom and @perthsanta but i do not want the show to get a weekend slot#the trailer and the premise of the show giving weekday slot and tbh i don't want the show to block one of the weekend slots for 30 weeks#so airenyah and i are hoping that it'll either get the monday or tuesday slot that summer night and enchanté are occupying atm#(both shows are gonna finish their run during the second week of october sooo 👀)#the other remaining slot would go to high school frenemy ig#peaceful property won't end until november 13th so idk what show would replace it but mayhaps we're up for another rerun#oh and the thursday slot will be occupied by fourever you starting october 3rd#that leaves thamepo ig which is probably about to wrap up filming soon#the show is giving friday slot vibes so we're hoping that it'll replace kidnap once it finishes its run#that way we'd get to watch kidnap(thamepo)/thk/pluto during the weekends and THAT WOULD SLAP SO HARD#anon#answered
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algerian trans women arent able to compete in women sports at all, but yeah its makes no sense to call khelif tme. youre so fucking smart.
i see you don't believe that i'm quoting one of the trans women in my life about that, which is your prerogative. it's also your right to miss my point entirely both about the ways this alienates intersex people and about the rigidity of a binary that comes down to the same shrinking circles terfs draw when they try to quantify what a woman is (speak up for women, the most organised nz group, have now submitted on the human rights act suggesting that all babies be karyotyped at birth and the results be public, bc they can't establish any other definition they agree on. absolutely fucking nobody, not even their christian or conspiracist allies, agrees with them on this one.)
but you don't have to take my word for it! when i was at that consultation with the nz law commission, i was in a room with many other intersex and trans people, including trans athletes and trans women like lexie matheson who consult on trans inclusion in sports at a high national level. i don't think there's a single person in that room who did not name what was happening to khelif as we spoke as transmisogyny, who did not speak of her as part of a group with whom we all shared something.
at the end of the day, prison abolition informs all of my politics. i believe that we must look clearly and carefully at harm and distinguish it from discomfort or disagreement, and identify its structural sources and true perpetrators. i believe that to build a better future we must be capable of imagining one. i believe that we can build a world where suffering is not the metric by which we determine value or punishment or righteousness. i believe that we can build a world where we centre and uplift those who are most hurt, in every arena — black and brown trans women, here; in some of my other work, it's incarcerated intellectually disabled people, or asian migrant sex workers affected by section 19, the list goes on — without then pitting them against other people who share some of the same story and will benefit from the same deconstruction of the systems that hold them down. i believe we can build a world in which asab doesn't affect so much of your life by beginning that work now.
there's a politics of scarcity — you have it better than me, so we have nothing in common. i saw it all the time in brothels, the idea that the new girl is taking money out of your kids' mouths. the viciousness with which people who are struggling are so ready to abandon solidarity. is it so hard to demand better for everyone? to think less about the ways we're alone and more about the ways we're together?
maybe it is. i know that well enough as a prison abolitionist. people get scared. they swing at shadows, they swing at anyone who seems to be suffering less, they — we, i should say, i am certainly not immune — get blindingly jealous of people who seem to have it easier. that's grief! that's grief for the easier life that we deserve. and we get to mourn, and take that time to feel it, and then we can choose if we want to keep working hand in hand with each other toward a world where that grief is dwarfed by the promise of the future.
#or you could simply say that she's not a trans woman instead of trying to make these terms fit? 'exempt' does make no sense here#unfollow me if you don't like what i'm saying! i don't intend to harp on it i like my little corner of tumblr and don't want this to spread#rbs still turned off anons also going off bc frankly i need to catch up on all my irl commitments and on local organising#and on the day job which is international organising related lmao#i really really cannot say this enough: even for the people i know who are both terminally online in trans circles AND organising irl#committing to more of the latter makes you feel a lot better about the former#also as always: i live in new zealand. i think half the problem with trans discourse is that people cannot imagine not just a better future#but a present in which there are communities less dysfunctional irl than this big messy online one#and that's saying something given how much i've vented on here about local dysfunction#i know a lot of people — mostly trans women — on here + twitter who feel afraid to have these conversations in public bc ppl act like this#and they have better things to do#technically so do i but unfortunately last night i was upset so i've opened another can of worms ig#which fucking sucks for me because every single time i have this conversation it devolves into people refusing to believe my csa history#or that i was sexed the ways i was as a kid#tony muses
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im either super angry or super sad or just blegh and there has never been a day where I haven't felt like that
#I get excited and it just goes away#idk how to describe it#I get excited or happy about stuff but one day my brain just decides it doesn't matter and I'm not excited about it anymore#I'm only happy for small bits of time#idk#bpd is kicking my ass#ryan experiences the horrors#it feels like I can never have anything good#ig is what I'm trying to say
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always always thinking about your post that was like “normal has a very high threshold for being loved that is nearly impossible to meet and he will do *anything* to feel validated” and then today in the discord during the part where willy reveals it could’ve been either normal or scary, will said “willy fucked up normal would burn the entire world down for the tiniest crumb of validation” and just. screaming screaming forever about this boy’s inability to ever feel loved enough, he is every webweaving post about always devouring and never feeling full from love, this boy is RAVENOUS and it’s hard to understand how the oak good-boy morality can even supersede that, he has every trait imaginable to become a villain and it feels like the only thing preventing that is the desire to be good, bc tbh I don’t think he wants to be good more than he wants to be loved
SORRY FOR TAKING ALMOST TWO FUCKING WEEKS TO ANSWER THIS ANON!
Eheh, firstly *thank you* because this message is very sweet and made me extremely happy. The post you’re talking about took a good while to write and came with a lot of anxiety so it’s very nice to hear that you’ve kept fragments of it with you, I really do appreciate that!!! 💜
I’d debated for a bit on answering this privately to be honest with you, as not every fire I’ve sparked is one whose flames I wish to fan, so to speak, but everything you wrote is just so on-point and well-articulated that I couldn’t resist. Otherwise. *Ahem*. I know it's very very silly to respond to a response about an essay with what is essentially another essay, but you see, in thinking of how to answer your message, I got a little caught amongst many other things that have been on my mind... And I've seen some takes that have annoyed me for one reason or another and couldn't decide how to address those and. Well. Ultimately I decided that the stuff I wanted to talk about was connected *enough* to the stuff brought up in your message (as well as in my original post) that I could put it all together, soooooooo if you'll entertain me rambling once more~
Let's start by saying that, I recently saw a take going around stating that “Scary’s internal issues caused her external issues while Normal’s external issues caused his internal issues” (among a number of other statements that I frankly found pretty questionable), and I must say, for reasons that I hope to explain, I disagree with this assertion on both accounts!
In Scary’s case, this statement completely erases and undermines the trauma of her dad walking out, and what that does not only to her confidence and sense of self-worth, but to her relationship with her mother as well. And the degree of the impact of this external trauma on her internal view towards and treatment of herself is clear as day just by looking at the stark contrast between Terri and Scary. Scary (Terri) is someone who once had confidence in herself and could find validation and motivation internally, most recently evidenced by Terri's words of encouragement to Scary whilst under beacon of hope:
But then her dad leaves, and things get harder at home, and Scary starts to fight with her mom (her mom who she once called her best friend!!!), and she starts to feel worthless and unlovable- something that only gets worse with time as Willy alienates her from the rest of the group, case in point with this revealing exchange:
No one’s told her they’re proud of her in a long time (sound familiar??),
her teachers at school shut her down when she tries to speak her mind or otherwise dismiss her behavior as “acting out” seemingly without any sort of intervention or attempt to actually check in with her,
[the above teen fact is from episode 31]
Only then, in response to her diminished sense of self-worth does she begin to cut herself off from the rest of the world and from her former self, most importantly quitting soccer (which we know matters a lot to her!),
and those things leave her even more vulnerable and supportless and ashamed. Not to mention all the mixed emotions she must feel when Terry walks into the picture, between actually liking him but not being able to see his love as genuine due to her relationship with her bio dad and all the frustration and shame she must feel as a result.
This is not to claim that Scary’s internal struggles do not inform a lot of what happens to her and the people around her over the run of the season- of course they do! (In fact some of the later things mentioned above are examples of that- I guess I got a bit carried away). But Scary’s major internal struggles that affect her throughout the course of the adventure are preceded by a slew of important external events that negatively affect her psyche and are in many cases out of her control. Scary’s internal struggles did not originate in a vacuum, and I absolutely would not say that they “caused” the bulk of what she has been through.
Unlike Scary, Norm’s excessive dependency on external validation to feel like he’s worth anything begins when he is very young. [Emphasis on “excessive” here, since obviously everyone requires validation from others to some degree, the point being just that this trait is so very pronounced in Normal and, as I argued a bit in the post anon is referring to, usually the most important factor informing his courses of action, superseding (but not implying the absence of) any desire to be good and help those around him. Will’s statement (the one which anon quotes) seems to corroborate this.] We know that things go so far back from Sparrow’s account in episode 17:
It’s important that this is about Normal’s kindergarten experiences too, because it tells us that Normal’s predominant internal issues go back farther than this and hence were not caused in and of themselves by his peers- instead being perhaps more fundamental to who he is as a person.
This is not to say that external events do not exacerbate the state of Normal’s psyche. In his youth most notably, we can infer that he interpreted Hero’s treatment (which of course he did not understand at the time to be her training) as favoritism, and I think it’s pretty clear by this point that his resentment of her is tied to the degradation of self-esteem that he experienced as a result.
Then of course there is the dance. Sparrow’s words to Normal during the dance obviously consist of a very pivotal moment for Norm within the context of the season, but I think it’s important to remember and not erase the fact that Normal’s internal issues with validation do not begin at the dance, as established in the kindergarten case but also further exemplified by Norm’s primary motive in becoming the school’s mascot in the first place (to get everybody to like him). I think it’s important to remember this in part since it informs so much of Normal’s reaction to what his father has to say, immediately afterwards but also throughout the whole rest of the season. No kid wants to hear that their parent isn’t proud of them, but the severity of the response to this sort of statement is going to vary drastically depending on the person, and in Norm’s case, given his natural disposition, it’s devastating. [and I swear there’s a teen talk moment where Will says basically this but I can’t find it for the life of me rn damn it lol maybe I’ll edit in the clip later if I do]
Of course in this specific case, one can still mostly say that the problem stems from outside of Normal, and that his preexisting issues exacerbate his response but are definitely not the cause of it. Outside of this instance, however, this is not always true! In fact, Normal’s excessive dependency on external validation and related rejection sensitivity (negatively) inform a large amount of his interactions with those around him, particularly Lincoln and Taylor (imagine me underlining “Taylor” several times as I say this). Truthfully that’s a whole ramble on its own, but with respect to more recent events, I have to admit that I was genuinely quite irked to find a lot of people blaming Taylor and Lincoln for Norm’s response to their uh. mech shenanigans in episode 37, choosing to frame this as an act of moral failing or even malice on their part, rather than a reflection of Normal’s own issues and room for growth. Lincoln and Taylor were simply focused on the mission at hand, and there was no good reason realistically speaking to have expected them to be aware of Normal’s emotional state at that point in time (or in general, to be aware of the jealousy their bonding moments evoke within Norm- particularly when Normal consistently fails to communicate and address those emotions with them in a manner that is direct and not passive-aggressive). Lincoln in particular is very clearly stated as not even having fun in that moment, very understandably being focused instead on the fact that his friend Scary is around his father, who he just witnessed, you know, murder someone. This is not an instance of the world going against Norm for no good reason other than to put him through it, this is a very clear example of Normal’s internal issues affecting the way he perceives external events in a manner that is not actually very reflective of the reality of the situation, and which of course feeds in further to his cycle of self-loathing (and I won’t go into it here since I sort of did in the post anon is responding to- but Normal’s negative reaction to Lincoln breaking the pick to gain Scary’s trust is another important example of this [tbh all the more so now coupled with the hypocrisy of how he handles the anchor in Goofs but that’s a tangent]). As aforementioned, Norm also struggles a good chunk of the time to actually explain his feelings in a manner that is direct and does not rely on blaming others for not picking up on his dejection, as exemplified in how this discussion goes with Lincoln in the most recent episode:
The treatment from fandom of this whole instance being reflective of a reoccurring issue I tend to have with a large chunk of the fandom, wherein the collective memory of canon tends towards getting warped to account for Norm’s mental state. Sometimes that’s hailing him as some morally-perfect, emotional reincarnate of Henry (as though the pride layer didn’t happen, as though Goofs didn’t happen, as though all of Norm’s relationship with Taylor isn’t what it is- …I feel like I should stop implying stuff about the significance Taylor and Norm’s relationship and not elaborating but it really is an essay in and of itself LOL), other times it’s just downright turning everyone around Normal into a villain, a persistent phenomenon which I sort of illustrated in the above example but also touched upon in an earlier essay (arguing that despite the fandom’s quick jump to villainize him- Lincoln breaking the guitar pick would prove to be an act of love). Sparrow also takes a good brunt of the damage from this. Sparrow saying he’s not proud of Normal gets turned into Sparrow not loving Normal (despite an abundance of proof in canon to the contrary), his apology for what he said and the support he shows for Norm in light of his alternative plan on dealing with the Doodler are completely ignored by most of the fandom, as are any other demonstrations of emotional availability and shows of growth that he displays throughout the course of the season, and the true motives behind Sparrow’s insistence on Normal living a “normal” life- to protect him from the childhood that he but also that Hero had to undergo- is somehow framed as Sparrow actually holding some kind of favoritism for Hero. It’s as though there is a complete inability on a larger scale within the fandom to see Sparrow as separate character outside of the filter of Norm’s emotions, and the other teens (including Hermie) get a similar if less pronounced treatment.
[Actually, I would argue that to some degree all of the kiddads except Terry (and Lark since he’s not officially a dad) tend to be perceived and criticized predominantly through the noise of their respective child’s emotions/behavior. In Grant’s case, Lincoln 1. spends a good part of the earlier half of the season asserting that his dads are the best dads in the world despite everything going on and 2. has a very unfortunate tendency to compartmentalize and push down his negative emotions as much as possible- in typical Wilson fashion- so the complexity and severity of Lincoln’s issues with his dad generally go understated, and only now that Lincoln has begun to be more vocal and upfront about his issues has some of Grant’s parenting finally begun to come under fire, and even then mostly only his more recent transgressions. In Taylor’s case, Taylor’s emotional security/stability and general fondness for his dad mean that Nicky is being hailed by many people as “the best dad” where in fact Nicky- while certainly helping the teens out in many ways and perhaps even acting as a friend to them- has done just about jack shit for Taylor as a *father*, and really if Taylor has anyone to thank for being as well-adjusted as he is now, it’s definitely his mom! But I digress.]
Normal and Scary are very similar, but the way fandom treats them is very different. People (mostly) seem to be able to acknowledge that Scary, in spite of her mistakes and flaws, is a scared, tired kid with a good heart who is capable and deserving of love. In Normal’s case, I just can’t seem to shake the impression that the fandom (in general) would rather strip Norm of all the things that make his character complex, and nuanced, and flawed, reducing him to an utterly uninteresting husk of a character before depicting him as anything other than a perfect goody-two-shoes who has never hurt anybody in his entire life or daring to acknowledge the fact that “Normal has been through a lot, is hurt, and deserves a good support system and emotional validation” and “Normal can at many times be his own worst enemy, sometimes makes mistakes that affect those around him, and has room to grow emotionally” are notions that can and should coexist. Or at least, that's my two cents on the matter.
#dndads#thank fuck this draft actually saved I was so sad when I thought it didn't#dungeons and daddies#scary marlowe#normal oak#I know this post kind of goes a million different places- sorry about that haha.#Had a lot I wanted to get out but didn't have it in me to make these into separate posts#I hope people get where I'm coming from with this?? I didn't want to be too mean towards the fandom at the end aha#but I get irked what can I say#normally oak swallows garcia#normal#lincoln li wilson#taylor swift dndads#taylor swift#sparrow oak#sparrow oak garcia#dndads s2 ep 38#I thought about linking the post I mentioned at the very beginning but decided against it... I actually hate targeting specific posts#(and in general try not to do that- feels a bit rude)#but also eh rules were made to be broken ig#long post#baba babbles
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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