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medea10 · 4 years ago

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My Review of Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni GOU

(a.k.a. When They Cry Gou)

I know what you’re thinking. Why the heck am I reviewing this anime again? I’ve already written a review in 2009 and re-polished it in 2016. (Here it is BTW) I’ve made my point on who I like, hate, what ships are worthy, and poked fun at all the deaths that happened throughout the series. I think some time has passed that I should say some thoughts on this…um, story. After all, Higurashi is one of my favorite animes.

STORY: Ah shit, here we go again!

Higurashi or When They Cry is about a boy named Keiichi Maebara who recently moved to a place called Hinamizawa. And ever since moving to this town, he’s found his days are filled with fun mischief with fellow friends Rena Ryuuguu, Satoko Hojo, Mion Sonozaki, and Rika Furude. But little does Keiichi know that there’s a little murder mystery that surrounds the town. During a town festival known as Watanagashi (or Cotton Drifting), there’s usually one or two people that go missing or turn up dead. And this year, Keiichi is next. So let’s relive the horrors that plague the town of Hinamizawa and…

One episode later.

Wait, what the…?! It’s episode 2, why are we seeing Hanyuu? I don’t remember that in the manga. The visual! THE VISUAL! WHAT THE FUCK?! ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A REBOOT? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY IS THERE AN ADULT RIKA?! WAIT, IS THAT ADULT RIKA OR BERN? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE TO THE WITCHES OF UMINEKO?! THE SHADOWS IN THE OPENING ARE TOO FAMILIAR FROM OTHER WORKS! Ryukishi07, you magnificent, fucking troll master for keeping this hidden until the second episode’s air date!

Many of us did not see this coming. When they announced a new Higurashi series that was going to be done by a different studio, many of us speculated whether this was going to be a reboot or a sequel. But then we got the PV trailers and it looked like we were going to get a reboot to correct the mistakes Studio Deen made years ago. Rika’s head doesn’t look like its gonna snap off because her body is so small in comparison. Improvements! I mean, they showed everything we were already used to like the yandere girls, the original soundtrack, the original freakin’ cast, and death by baseball bat. Hell, the first episode ended with an Eiko Shimamiya song! It was on track to being a reboot! A better looking reboot!

Here in lies the sequel aspect! After episode one, we get a scene that isn’t usually seen until the Kai part of Higurashi (a good 4-5 arcs away). And they give away the secret that Rika Furude is repeating the timeline of June 1983 over and over because she keeps dying. And as the series progresses, you notice little things different from the original series. Many of the well-known storylines end much differently than what you remember. Instead of Keiichi killing Rena and Mion with a baseball bat, you’ve got Rena going psycho on Keiichi. And Rika’s fate is somehow worse than the stories of the original series. So let’s head back to Hinamizawa to hear the cicadas cry and watch a murder mystery unfold.

THE SUB: All the original voice actors have returned to voice their respected roles. Perfection in a nutshell!

LICENSING: You’ve gotta be shitting me!

As I’ve mentioned years ago in my review, the original Higurashi anime went through a turbulent time being licensed in the states. It was originally licensed and dubbed by Geneon. But once Geneon collapsed, FUNimation licensed it and did absolutely fuck all with it. Geneon could only manage to squeak out one season. At this point, FUNimation was picking up titles that Geneon used to have before it fell under including Familiar of Zero, Kyou Kara Maou, and yes, Higurashi. All of these titles mentioned here were done absolutely nothing with despite having cult followings, second seasons, and OVA’s.

A year or two after licensing it, the license expired for Higurashi. For nearly six years, the only copies you could get were out of print and estimating at $500 at the very least for a full collection. Single DVD’s could be found in rare shops, but it would take like 13 years to complete the fucking collection if you did it that way. And that was only for the first season. Second season, the best all of us could do was bootleg DVD’s from Japan Town or fansubs with glaring errors for the best season to Higurashi. We had to deal with this shit until Sentai Filmworks licensed and released the first 2 seasons and the Rei OVA’s.

AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME FUNIMATION IS CLAIMING HIGURASHI ALL FOR THEMSELVES?!

Where the shit was this love 10 years ago when we were asking politely to release Kai? People ignorantly blew Higurashi off for years because season two was never released in the states until 2016 because they thought the damn anime ended after Rena held up the school. I’m already irritated with FUNimation after the Interspecies Reviewers debacle and I’m still quite butt-hurt over them re-releasing Nichijou with a dub to make a quick buck. Licensing Higurashi just brings back old anger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy Higurashi is legally licensed and can be seen on at the very least Hulu. It’s just that I hold grudges and this was a big one.

THE DUB: Holy…um, okay! This is a rather big gulp to take in. As I’ve repeatedly mentioned in past reviews, the Higurashi dub was a mixed bag of okay, bad, and oh gasperts kill it with fire. So, not great! The good folks at Geneon (before bankrupting in America) dubbed the first season with a good chunk of folks that put their fake names to the credits. Again, not great! To me, there were some aspects of Megan Hollingshed, Mela Lee, and Grant George’s performances of Mion, Rena, and Keiichi that were okay. SOME! John Snyder and Karen Strassmen as Ooishi and Takano were the best out of that dub. Everything else was just irredeemable! It needed a redub, an overhaul, and a spit-shine. For years, I’ve wondered who would be the dream cast. Sentai Filmworks unfortunately never dubbed the remaining seasons when they released them. Would Luci Christian be the heavenly voice to do Rika Furude? Could we get Hilary Haag to do Satoko? Okay, that never came to pass.

This dub is a breath of fresh air. Rika doesn’t sound like Mihoshi. Satoko doesn’t sound fake, Keiichi doesn’t sound like a weird Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s perfect. ESPECIALLY BRITTANY LAUDA AS SATOKO! I knew the second she was cast as Satoko that she was going to excel the fuck out of this role. And I was not disappointed! The only voice I’m still not quite used to is Michelle Rojas as the Sonozaki twins. Probably because I was somewhat okay with Megan Hollingshed’s voice in the 2006 version that it’ll take some time! And we FINALLY got a voice for Hanyuu. I am super excited that Xanthe Huynh is the voice and I know she’ll do great with this role! With all of that said, here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Keiichi is now played by Khoi Dao (known for Kiriyama on March Comes in Like a Lion, Murata on Demon Slayer, Chaka on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 3, and Iskhan on SAO: Alicization)

*Rena is now played by Emi Lo

*Mion/Shion is now played by Michelle Rojas (known for Shizu Delta on Overlord, Touka on Assassination Classroom, Minase on Psycho Pass, Kanan on Love Live Sunshine, and Kusakai on Keijo!!!!!!!!)

*Rika is now played by Apphia Yu (known for Rio on Assassination Classroom, Marie on Black Clover, You on Love Live Sunshine, Victorique on Gosick, Natsumi on Danganronpa 3, and Laki on Fairy Tail)

*Satoko is now played by Brittany Lauda (known for Riko on Made in Abyss, Meidri on Interspecies Reviewers, Lessar on Index III, and Ichigo on Darling in the FranXX)

*Hanyuu is played by Xanthe Huynh (known for Menma on Anohana, Haru on Persona 5, Hanayo on Love Live, Hidomi on FLCL: Progressive, PallaPalla on Sailor Moon Super S [redub], and Sachi on SAO)

ANY CHANGES IN YOUR HATE-O-RADE:

Okay Medea, let-a-rip!

*inhales and exhales*

Teppei Hojo is trash. He is ultimate trash. This fucker needs to be murdered in every timeline. He is a turd in a Glenn Quagmire shirt. Him and his wife are trash. And when this pile of trash is cheating on that pile of trash, he sleeps with peak trash named Ritsuko. Teppei Hojo needs to die in every timeline. Whenever Keiichi bashes this cum-burger’s head in with a blunt instrument, I scream at the top of my lungs, “DIE SCUM, DIE”! And nothing, I repeat, NOTHING will change my opinion of Teppei Hojo.

Episode 23.

Oh, fuck you Higurashi Gou!

MUSIC: Okay, thank you for proving me wrong. I did not despise the opening theme. Having Higurashi with no Eiko Shimamiya is like having Pokemon with no Rika Matsumoto. Or Rozen Maiden with no ALI PROJECT. But this new opening is fine by my standards.

That’s right, get the niceness of the review before I get angry down below.

THESE TIMELOOPS: Rika tries to find solutions to end her time-loop in June 1983. Much like the original series, we follow stories from the Onikakushi-hen, Watanagashi-hen, and Tatarigoroshi-hen arcs (the first three stories to Higurashi, although now these have different names). However, all of these arcs have different endings. And after a positive turnaround with Satoko escaping from her abusive uncle, shit goes south when Detective Ooishi, who up to this point has never suffered under the Hinamizawa Syndrome or died a painful death goes on a murderous rampage. Higurashi style! That means, he’s after Rika Furude, will slaughter anyone in his way, and scratching his neck because he sees maggots (part of the hallucination effect).

What the shit? Ooishi for the most part has been a great guy. With the exception of the Tatarigoroshi-hen storyline, he was a nice guy! In the limbo with Hanyuu, Rika now remembers who has killed her. Every time Rika dies up to this point, she never remembers who was the cause of her demise. Hanyuu implanted that power to remember the deaths and a clue for Rika to use and then she disappears.

Now seriously, imagine Rika’s plight here. She has been repeating the month of June 1983 for over a hundred years. And each of these times she repeats, she’s horribly murdered. Rika got the shit-end of the deal in the murder department in the original series, including being dissected on while alive. Then, leaving her bloody, naked corpse out in the open of the Oyashiro altar! She’s tired of this shit! She wants to live a happy life away from Hinamizawa. She wants to grow older, become a teenager, and have fun. And this series made it worse by having her die four times in one episode. Not just that, but murdered by the most unexpected people including Akasaka, Chief Kimiyoshi, Mion’s mother Akane, and Keiichi. Keiichi has never killed Rika in any of the timelines up to this point. He has killed Mion and Rena, but never Rika. Keiichi loves Rika! Welcome back to A Million Ways to Die in Hinamizawa.

I’ll just add decapitation, drowning in a lake, set on fire, drowning in a sewage pipe, and death by…um…

Alexa, play Chandelier by Sia.

ENDING: We all know by now that in the original series, Miyo Takano is the betrayer and the reason behind all the murders during the Cotton Drifting Festival. This time, it’s someone closer to Rika that’s causing Rika so much pain. After we watched the worst kinds of murders happen to Rika, the episode after gave us our answer. Satoko, Rika’s friend and confidant is not happy that Rika is turning her back on Oyashiro and Hinamizawa. All the while pulling out her intestines!

Oh Higurashi, don’t stop being gory!

Yes, Satoko is aware of past timelines much like Rika and is almost on a god-like state. So what the hell happened to her? I know Satoko’s past has been a cluster-fuck of horror with her brother disappearing, her parents dying, and every form of abuse from her uncle. But she was able to prevail after all that. After surviving 1983, a lot has changed in Hinamizawa. The three big families of Hinamizawa put an end to the Cotton Drifting Festival and claiming there is no curse of Oyashiro. Mion and Shion moved on and are going to high school. And Rika decides she wants to move away from this village. By attending St. Lucia! And she wants to do this with Satoko.

Oh, if you don’t recall St. Lucia, Shion attended this academy until she escaped during the Meakashi-hen arc. It was also the same school that Ange from Umineko attended. But of course Ange attended it in the 90’s and we are clearly in the 80’s. Moving on!

Rika and Satoko studied their butts off for years and their hard work paid off as both were admitted into St. Lucia. Now Rika was able to prevail and fit in with everyone. Satoko on the other hand couldn’t do the same as her grades took a dip, her manners are atrocious, and she doesn’t seem to fit in with anyone. And this caused a drift between Rika and Satoko! And so during a trip to Hinamizawa, Satoko went to the old shrine where she ended up getting sent to that limbo place Rika and Hanyuu were at many times before. There, she meets Eua (God, I hope that really isn’t her name). She’s much like Hanyuu except a lot more condescending. Oh, and she’s that mysterious shadow during the opening theme. She bestows the power to Satoko of reviving on death and returning to a certain point in time. In the hopes that Satoko is able to stop Rika from going to St. Lucia! But Rika is not going to budge. She wants out of Hinamizawa no matter what. And Satoko just wants to be with her friend no matter what. Satoko is even shown Rika’s past and still no dent in…Okay, this is bugging the fuck outta me. Pause the Ending portion!

MY GRIPES WITH SATOKO: Satoko, girl, the fuck is wrong with you?! I know Rika is like your main chick and everything, but for fuck’s sake loosen the grip you have with Rika. This season has changed you and not for the better. You made a connection with ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS from Hinamizawa. Big connections! At least in the original series you did. Look at your moments with Keiichi and Shion. Are you just going to shove them off? And what really sets me off is that Satoko literally had the opportunity to learn about Rika’s hundred year’s loop of death. And feels nothing about it! Only that it’s a challenge to break her herself! God damn, at the end of season one, Keiichi learned the truth and he was remorseful. This bitch doesn’t care that her friends were murdered in such a way. And Rika’s been shot in the head, had a live dissection performed on her, and other forms of torture…AND IT DOESN’T FAZE SATOKO!

I know in my original Higurashi review, I felt sorry for Satoko as she did seem to get the short-end of the stick living in Hinamizawa. I mean, her parents died right in front of her, she suffered abuse from her uncle, abuse from her aunt, ostrisized by the town for years, and a myriad of all types of shit to befall her. But Higurashi Gou has ruined this character. Rika didn’t really do anything wrong to Satoko. She didn’t snitch on her when Satoko got in trouble. She offered help to Satoko when she thought her grades were slipping. Satoko just held onto this petty vendetta. Satoko acted like Rika sexually assaulted her and have two other people gang rape her while drugging her. Okay, that’s a call for revenge, not your petty shit.

YOU SEE WHERE I’M AT WITH YOU SATOKO?! Your actions are so bad that you have me siding with the protagonist from Redo of Healer.

REDO.

OF.

HEALER!!!

I’m done with you! Girl, bye! We now return you to my talk about the ending already in progress.

BACK TO THE ENDING: Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Yeah, Satoko is leaving a bad impression on many of us who have been following the Higurashi story for years. And it just gets worse as she uses her new power for petty shit and abusing it at that. I mean, we saw Rika use her power in order to find a way to live past June 1983. Satoko is just using that shit to win some games and have things go her way. What else could this series bless us with? How about an epiphany from Teppei Hojo?

What?!

Teppei changes for the better.

What?!

Look, I admit that these moments with Teppei and Satoko were tame compared to the shit she’s pulled in the last several episodes. But this is Teppei Hojo! The same guy that used Satoko as his personal punching bag! The same guy who fleeced Rena’s father! The same guy many of us who cheer every time we see him on a moped because we know someone’s going to bash his head in with a baseball bat. Even my best friend knows how I am with this guy. When she gave me Higurashi free swag, I took everything except for Teppei. I don’t take trash. So seeing him so remorseful makes me…conflicted.

So now Satoko’s got things turned around for her. Her uncle has…changed?! Add to that, her God-like power. Satoko decides to change the past for her own advantage. This includes changing one of the biggest stories in Higurashi Kai with the kids vs. Miyo Takano. If Rika doesn’t experience the pain in those timelines, she won’t think about leaving Hinamizawa. And if she doesn’t leave Hinamizawa, she’ll stay with Satoko forever.

Oh what a tangled web of crazy Higurashi Gou was! I gotta tell you, Higurashi got me excited all the way up until we learn it was Satoko. And then it went straight to Hell. They turned Satoko into a straight-up selfish monster. Totally unlike the Satoko we’ve all grown to love in the original series. Yes, Satoko had those moments where, yeah, you would want to throw a chair at her and beat her ass with it. But that was only temporary! You would always see the good in Satoko despite that mischievous laugh and those episodes in Higurashi Rei. And God help me, I was a shipper of Rika x Satoko 10 years ago. Not a big one, but a supporter of it. Now, I would rather support Amourshipping from Pokemon than root for this. And I despise the living fuck out of Amourshipping. That should tell you something!

If original Satoko were bestowed the powers from Eua, I think things would be different. Satoko would probably use her powers to prevent all the bad stuff from happening to her friends and to her brother Satoshi. I mean, my goodness, not once did I see her think, hey maybe I should find a way to help my ailing brother. Change a few timelines, make him all better! And of course, feel sympathy for Rika’s plight. Do it for Rika’s sake, not your own selfish desires! Rika has died horrificly for hundreds of years. And I seriously just can’t get over Satoko’s reaction to that when she learned the truth. Instead, she wants to treat Rika like a caged bird. Best friend my ass!

Now can Higurashi SOTSU fix the hot mess of Satoko? Time will only tell! And good on them for having Higurashi air in the summertime. Summertime is for Higurashi! Autum is for Umineko. Speaking of, it’s been since 2009. Any chance you want to give Umineko the old reboot or sequel it sorely needs? Oh forget it! My likeness for this season is conflicted. I was annoyed by it, but I didn’t fully hate it. It’s just that last arc with Satoko really burned my beans. And I’m sure a lot of you all feel the same way.

Guys, if you want to watch Higurashi Gou, do yourselves a favor and watch the original series first. Let that swirl around your heads for a while. I know the creator tricked us at the beginning of this series thinking it was going to be an honest-to-God retelling. It is not! It is a sequel. And a sequel that isn’t based off a game or manga of all things. So fans are jumping into this with eyes closed! And if you’re a fan of Satoko Hojo, I’m sorry. I’m just sorry.

If you want to check out Higurashi Gou, it is available to watch on FUNimation and Hulu. But please, if you haven’t watched the original series, go to HI-DIVE now and watch “When They Cry” and “When They Cry Kai”. I think you can manage without watching any of the OVA’s.

I’d rather watch that Kira OVA where the fanservice is thin, you can practically lick off the whipped cream from the Sonozaki’s tit.

That should tell you something if I’m starting to say something nice about Higurashi Kira.

See you in a few months when Higurashi SOTSU comes out.

#anime review #Higurashi no Naku Koro ni #higurashi no naku koro ni gou #When they cry #when they cry gou #Rika Furude #satoko hojo #mion sonozaki #keiichi maebara #hanyuu #rena ryuugu #miyo takano #eua #teppei hojo

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constablewrites · 4 years ago

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In Which I Give Way Too Much Thought to the Sex Lives of Animated Characters

I’ve fallen off the wagon on my weekly posts here, because ::gestures vaguely at 2020:: It isn’t that I haven’t had observations to make, more that I lacked the particular motivation to actually write them up. But there’s one thing that can always drive me to the keyboard: getting nice and annoyed!

Star Wars Rebels is a deeply irritating show, mainly because when it is good, it is truly excellent, but there’s a lot of meh to wade through to reach those moments. It seems to be aimed at a younger audience than Clone Wars, and lacks that show’s advantages of both the well-established characters from the films and its urgent newsreel energy (because who needs Act I when Tom Kane can just yell exposition at you). There are a lot of interesting ideas and setups in Rebels that just never get properly explored, but the one I found most disappointing was the relationship between Kanan and Hera.

(Major spoilers after the cut. Go watch the show, it’s not terribly long and, as I said, the good stuff is really good.)

I was surprised by how much Kanan’s character grabbed me. Maybe it’s because I find the concept--someone who knows he’s unfit to be a mentor but has no choice but to fake his way through--to be highly relatable as an elder millennial, or maybe it’s just that I glom onto protector characters. He has great chemistry with Hera, and I am a shipper of the highest order. So when the final season started focusing on their romance, it should have been catnip for me.

Reader, it was not.

Oh, the interrupted kiss when they’re trying to get out of the city on Lothal is solid ship-tease stuff, to be sure. But then you get to 4x7 “Kindred” (not gonna link a video because I couldn’t find a good one and the damn things always get taken down later anyway). Kanan asks if she’s ever thought about their future together, Hera demurs and says that he knows how she feels. He isn’t so sure, so after a bit of cockblocking from the A-plot, she kisses him for the first time (that we see). The exchange is brief and doesn’t quite fit the established dynamic, but it’s fine.

The problem is, immediately after that kiss, she gets on a ship and leaves for rebel command. The next time Kanan sees her is the rescue mission that kills him. So for the [Babies Ever After] epilogue to make sense, one of these things must be true:

Force ghosts can fuck

They find time during the harrowing escape to sneak away and hook up

Hera is already pregnant when she leaves Lothal

Not only do the first two seem unlikely, but the third point works with most of the rest of the series. A show with such a young audience was probably never going to state outright that two characters are doing it, so they just have to imply it in ways that older viewers will pick up on: Hera calls Kanan “dear” in the very first episode. They talk to each other about things they don’t talk about with the rest of the crew. And Kanan being squirrelly on Ryloth? That isn’t a guy meeting the father of his best friend or even his crush, that is [recognizably] a guy meeting the father of the girl he’s boinking.

I don’t have a problem with a kids’ show not getting into detail about the love lives of its parental figures, and I honestly think more media should feature healthy, established couples. But I feel like the writers realized that they couldn’t show the impact Kanan’s death has on Hera if their relationship is entirely off-screen. So they did finally make it clear that this is a romance--but they did it in a way that makes it seem like the romance started right there at the end, since Hera’s unhappy “We’ve talked about this before” gives the impression that she’s turned him down in the past. And that just doesn’t add up. (Not to mention the sudden ramp-up makes it pretty obvious that one of them is gonna die.)

But this isn’t Fandom Bitching Wednesdays. Was there a way to do it differently?

Potential fix: Cut the kid. Probably the most straightforward, since that’s what creates the out-and-out plot hole Issues: Also the most depressing option. Kanan’s son is the thing that gives him a happy(ish) ending, allowing a part of him to live on beyond just the memories of his friends. Plus, it makes their interactions in the early seasons kinda confusing if they were never supposed to be in a relationship at all.

Potential fix: They were in a relationship but were very private about it and avoided any PDA around the rest of the crew. Conversation plays out more or less the same, but Hera’s reluctance to talk is because she’s aware that the others are watching, and the kiss is significant because she’s choosing not to hide anymore. Issues: My vote for most satisfying option, but would still benefit from a scene or two earlier in the series setting it up. Also means that if you wanted to keep the bit at the fuel depot where Hera tells Kanan she loves him as a big climactic moment, you would definitely need to establish why she’s never said it before. (Especially because she calls him “love” during the evacuation of Chopper Base.) There are plenty of options for this that would fit in with her character--perhaps something about her own parents, or how they’re in a war, or how she just thinks it’s less complicated if no one knows--but you would have to pick one and show it.

Potential fix: They were in a relationship but it wasn’t “serious,” or perhaps was even a strictly friends-with-benefits arrangement. So when Kanan is asking about their future, it’s not a new thing but an escalation, and builds more naturally toward Hera saying she loves him. Issues: This is how I tried to headcanon it initially, because it’s the only thing that makes any of it make sense as-is. And it’s easy to see how Kanan would have initially been happy with that setup (more on that in a second), but less so for Hera, with her pet names and talk of how they’re a family. As above, her reason for putting up that barrier, and for keeping it up this long, would need to be clearly established.

Potential fix: FWB but reverse this scene: Hera is the one who wants more and Kanan is resisting. I mean, come on guys, the “Jedi are forbidden to form attachments” thing was right there. It’s a stupid rule, but you have the opportunity for Kanan to acknowledge it as a stupid rule and reject it. Kanan is also exactly the kind of guy who would try to ride out the loophole of “It’s okay that I’m in love with her if I never say it or call her my girlfriend.” Variant: they were in a typical relationship but Kanan pulled back when he trained with Bendu to control his emotions, so what Hera wants isn’t something new, but rather what they had before. Issues: The dynamic of “girl wants romance, boy can’t express emotions” is pretty played out. The fact that Kanan broaches the topic by asking what would end her involvement with the Rebellion further adds an interesting angle that builds on stuff that’s been brought up before--war is all she’s ever known so she doesn’t shy from it, while he feels like he’s already survived one war and wants to be done with it--and you lose that if she’s the one who raises the question. It also follows that he would then be the one to say “I love you” at the fuel depot, which somewhat dampens the power of his sacrifice to say that for him.

Perhaps the real lesson here is that sometimes there aren’t any perfect solutions to story problems, just a series of trade-offs. This is especially true in a serialized medium, where part of the story might already be out there by the time you realize you would need to make changes to it to properly set up where you want to take it. If you missed the chance to show us a very important conversation, the best you can do might just be to reference that it happened and hope (in vain) that your audience will just roll with it instead of being nitpicky bastards.

And maybe Force ghosts just fuck, I dunno.

#star wars #star wars rebels #kanan jarrus #hera syndulla #writing #writing advice #plot holes #tv tropes links #relationships #romance #writing lesson wednesdays #i feel like i'm a little late to this discourse #but that's honestly pretty on brand for me

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shadowsong26x · 5 years ago

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EPIX/Rise of Skywalker Reaction Post

So, I got back from seeing EPIX this morning, and I figured I should get all my thoughts down!

Everything spoilery is behind a cut, and this post is also tagged with the spoiler tags I’ve listed here. If you want me to add any additional tags, let me know and I will to this and any future EPIX posts.

Okay, so, before I really get into this, I should mention two relevant contextual things that probably strongly impacted my feelings on this movie.

I’m not super-invested in the sequel trilogy. I love (most of) the characters, I’m not really into the story that’s being told with them.

Given where TLJ left us, I went into the theatre expecting something between A Trainwreck with Some Delightful Moments and A Delightful Trainwreck. Basically, it was going to be a Hot Mess and I knew it, but I was pretty sure there was going to be something to love, even if the film as a whole didn’t delight me (which, honestly, is even where I stand with TLJ, which remains my least favorite film of the series). And, you know what? I got exactly that. A Sometimes-Delightful Trainwreck. I’d say it’s even towards the upper end of that Delightfulness scale.

All right, moving on to actual thoughts. I’m trying to focus on the positive here, mostly because I did overall enjoy this movie, but I also had some Problems with it.

I’m gonna talk about Kylo Ren first, mostly because I want to get this out of the way. I will say that--when I first saw TFA, I thought I could be interested in this character. I thought they were gonna maybe go the burnt-out gifted kid route with him, which would be hella interesting to explore for the child of Heroes like Han and Leia, and the Legacy he had to live up to. Obviously, they didn’t, and while the direction they went is certainly topical, it’s not super engaging, at least to me. I know it is to some people, and far be it from me to harsh anyone’s squee, but he basically doesn’t do anything for me. I personally don’t find him particularly interesting or intimidating.

Basically, I don’t particularly care about Kylo Ren. (I don’t know if I’m quite at the point where, as my roommate puts it, I aggressively Do Not Care, but the Not Caring is definitely a thing.)

Anyway, that disclaimer aside--his arc was okay, I guess? I mean...I think my general feelings on the subject are not that it felt phoned-in, exactly, but that it was mostly there because the writers thought it should be there, rather than it flowing organically from the character(s) involved. It also felt rushed, but that goes back to a problem with the movie as a whole that I will get into later in this post. But, given that, the actual beats that were involved in said arc I thought were effectively done. The bit with Han in the wreckage, in particular, was nice.

As for that Kiss though.

...I mean. I’m actually kind of pleased that the end of the film left the romantic threads dangling? It gave me plenty of OT3 feels (though I felt like, especially in the first third or so, the film was leaning more towards Rey/Poe and Finn/Rose, but there was some later stuff that seemed to hint at the full OT3 with a question mark on where Rose stands.)

But I do have a problem with the fact that the only on-screen kiss between Major Characters was between Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. That being said, I can backfill/justify it in that...you know how some people headcanon that Luke’s initial crush on Leia was some sort of “There is a Connection Here that I Cannot Name and it’s probably supposed to be Romantic given our ages and genders and presumed lack of other relationship so let’s go with that?” Between something like that and the fact that he just gave up his life for her in a very literal way (side note: the Force has always been New Powers as the Plot Demands; but the healing thing was a) if not actually in a canon novel at least strongly implied and b) ALL OVER fanon so even if I had a problem with Random Force Powers suddenly occurring I wouldn’t have an issue with this one; the Force Diad thing was ~handwave plot device~ sure fine whatever). ...anyway, given all of that, I can backfill it to a way where I don’t hate it (i.e., if he’d lived, I don’t think it would’ve been followed up on very much/they would’ve settled into a non-romantic relationship of some kind, whatever that might’ve been). Except that it’s the only one, which kind of leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Then again, he did immediately die, so...yeah, I can live with this. I don’t like it, and I don’t think I ever will like it, but I don’t hate it either and it’s not a dealbreaker for me.

Most of the other problems I have with this film come down to structure and pacing. In that, thanks to where TLJ left us, this move had to do so much to bring the story to any kind of cohesive end, and not enough time to do it in. Trying to squeeze too much plot into too small a space.

(I actually had the same problem with ROTS initially--although that was more due to the PT having pacing issues as its Primary Narrative Flaw; TPM was way too slow; AOTC actually had good internal pacing but couldn’t quite make up for it; and then ROTS was as a consequence of that really rushed. Meanwhile, with the ST, I feel like the writers are relying on “it’s all there in the manual” a little too much, so not really...trying as hard, if that makes sense? To make it all connect within the film, I mean, as opposed to depending on people going into other/outside/supplemental material to connect the dots (still not as bad as the Prisoner of Azkaban movie on that front, but it’s still Bad; and, like, all film versions of novels leave some stuff out, just look at the LOTR films; but POA left out a key plot point and that--is a rant for another post. Back to EPIX). It’ll be interesting to see what kind of deleted scenes come out, or if it’ll grow on me in future watchings. Not that it’ll ever become a favorite, I don’t think, but it might improve in my eyes.)

Anyway, basically, a lot of this felt rushed or like...introduced but not really addressed/wrapped up in any kind of satisfactory fashion? Kylo Ren’s arc in particular, as I’ve mentioned before, plus the Threepio stuff felt rushed and non-consequential, and also with Rey’s arc to an extent (it...again, all the beats worked for me/I thought it was fairly effective, but it really needed two movies to pay off as well as it could have). ...I mean, there are more plot threads I could probably mention here, but those are the three that stuck out the most.

Also, this movie needed More Rose :( I LOVE HER and she was barely here!!!!!

Another thing I would’ve liked to see is...okay, I really liked the Overlapping Voices bit, but it would’ve been nice to have more Presence from the ghosts? Like...there’s a bit at the end of season 1 of Sailor Moon where she’s in the Final Battle, the other four have died (or just been left behind, if you’re watching the English dub), and their ghosts show up and place their hands on hers and lend her their strength? A visual cue like that would’ve been great and helped the arc feel more complete. Especially since Palpatine had all of his predecessors/Sith ghosts backing him in a more visible fashion. But, then again, that’s a Personal Taste thing and while it would’ve, IMO, made that moment better, not having it doesn’t make it worse, if that makes sense?

(Also, the credits moved too fast for me to track, but I definitely saw Qui-Gon Jinn listed, though I don’t recall hearing him, and I definitely recognized Anakin/Hayden Christensen and Mace/Samuel L. Jackson and Obi-Wan/Ewan McGreggor (and Alec Guinness I’m pretty sure?) and obvs. Yoda/Frank Oz when actually listening, but I couldn’t identify the other voices--anyone have the full list? Was Ahsoka and/or Kanan and/or Ezra involved, or was it restricted to movie-only Jedi?)

But...yeah. Apart from the Kiss being very ....:/ for me, most of my identifiable problems with the film is stuff like this.

I think the other thing I want to talk about in detail is the Rey Palpatine reveal.

So, up until this movie, I was actually in my corner flying my tiny but determined Rey Kenobi flag, and the more I think about it, the more I like Rey Palpatine for some of the same reasons? Like...I don’t remember everything I’d thought through about Rey Kenobi, but it had to do with the cyclical nature of Star Wars, and bringing it back where it started--and we get that with Rey Palpatine, in a nice arc, healing some of the damage her grandfather did, both to this family and to the galaxy as a whole.

That being said--those of you who know me and my fic projects know I’ve been writing a child (daughter) for Palpatine for quite some time now, and I have no intention of stopping, lol. Am I going to take this/Lavinia’s (presumably) half-brother into account in future projects? ...probably not. But I am looking forward to/hoping we get a novel or something about him and Rey’s mother. Because that is actually a story I’m interested in--why canon!Palpatine chose to have a kid, and how said kid managed to break away and got to this point. [...y’know, I actually think Rey Kenobi’s background/thread of descent would be less interesting to me? Since I subscribe to the idea that a) Korkie Kryze is Obi-Wan’s biological son; and b) Obi-Wan had many Friends With Benefits throughout the galaxy and figuring out exactly which one Rey descends from carries less weight for me.]

...okay, I think that’s all the Detaily Bits I want to get into, so here are some bullet points of things that really stuck out to me, in no particular order:

Bawled like a baby re: everything involving Carrie Fisher. Just...yeah. Miss you Space Mommy.

LANDO! I loved his entrance, I loved him adopting Jannah at the end, I loved all of it.

Chewie’s fake-out death was also actually pretty good/well-handled. I mean. First Boom happens and I’m like DDDDDDD: but then I remember how people reacted to his death in Legends and I’m like would they really do it and then DELIGHT.

HUX. Okay. I never really cared about this dude before, and honestly I still don’t really care about this dude but at the same time, those of you who know me know I have a Thing for double-agents and defectors and I LOVE THIS WHOLE ENTIRE PLOT THREAD. I LOVE THIS SHITHEAD TURNING TRAITOR FOR THE MOST VENAL REASONS AND STILL BEING A BAD GUY/EVIL/AN UNREPENTANT JACKASS. THIS WAS PERFECT.

(Also Finn shooting him in the leg instead of the arm as requested was DELIGHTFUL)

SPEAKING OF DELIGHTFUL gotta love Zombie Skeev Palpatine Unliving His Best Afterlife. Was he as Delightful as he is in ROTS or ROTJ? No. Did I still enjoy every minute of his scenery-chewing nonsense? You bet your ass. So happy, Ian McDiarmid looked like he was having tons of fun and honestly what more could I have asked for?

The whole scene on Ahch-To was just *chef’s kiss.* Use of Yoda’s theme with the rising X-Wing, Luke being snarky and kind and beautiful, him emerging from the fire with the saber...just loved it.

LEIA HAD JEDI TRAINING AND HER OWN LIGHTSABER. BB!MARK HAMILL AND BB!CARRIE FISHER’S FACES.

LEIA TRAINING REY. REY CALLING HER ‘MASTER.’

USING THE BOND TO ARM KYLO REN okay like I said I have Mixed Feelings about the arc as a whole but that moment was SO COOL.

Poe’s ex-girlfriend was pretty great, ngl.

JANNAH AND EX-STORMTROOPERS YESSSSSSSS

HINTS OF/SHREDS OF EVIDENCE FOR FORCE-SENSITIVE FINN GIVE THEM TO ME NOW.

D-0 was pretty cute!

All of the Badass Finn.

Also that MOMENT where Finn runs up to Poe like “I NEED TO TELL YOU A THING” and Poe is all “I NEED YOU TO FIGHT WITH ME” and Finn just interrupts himself to thank Poe and they have that “General” “General” moment and it’s SO CUTE I’m love it.

The entire thing at the Lars farm at the end. Just. Burying the lightsabers, seeing the twins’ ghosts, claiming the Skywalker name, Rey having her own saber now. This movie was a Hot Mess but it definitely ended on a high note.

...that’s pretty much what I have for right now. I will probably have more thoughts after discussing it with other people/seeing it again (because I will be seeing it again). But overall...do I like it? Well, it’s Star Wars, which I love and which frankly always has some Super Dumb and/or Frustrating Stuff, and the things I disliked weren’t bad enough to Ruin It for me, so yes, I liked it. Is it my favorite Star Wars/good for a Star Wars movie? ...not really, no. It did have some gorgeous moments, but it doesn’t really hang together. Like the rest of the ST, it relies way too much on It’s All There In The Manual and, between that and the fact that TLJ didn’t do the work necessary to set it up, the movie felt rushed and a little bit...I don’t want to say hollow, maybe shallow is a better word? I mean, I know this is Star Wars and It’s Not That Deep (but the ground is soft and I’m ready to dig or however the quote goes), but this felt particularly shallow even for Star Wars. Like...cotton candy, fairly good/tasty but a little bit prone to melting away and with very little substance holding it together. On that level, I’d actually probably rank it around Solo (which, let me say, I really like)--so, better than TLJ, but still A Hot Mess of a movie. But I enjoyed myself, and I think overall my feelings are middling-to-positive on it. Even if...honestly, even like less than four hours after the movie ending, I’m already forgetting like half the plot points...? Like I said. Cotton Candy.

What did/do you guys think?

#star wars spoilers #sw spoilers #epix spoilers #episode ix spoilers #spoilers #star wars epix #star wars episode ix #epix

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tarisilmarwen · 6 years ago

Text

Splinters: Disclose

(Ezra finally gets to see a doctor! Too bad she’s not a trained therapist, he could really use one, lol.)

---

Sabine slept in the bunk with him for two more nights before she was called away to Krownest by an urgent message from her mother. Zeb took up her place for the rest of the week, having Ezra curl up in the lower bunk with him a couple nights, before Ezra insisted on having a bed to himself again.

He had wanted to protest more, feeling mothered by their worry, feeling like a kid who had to crawl into his parents' bed during a thunderstorm. In spite of how embarrassed it made him feel, though, he couldn't say no to Sabine and he couldn't argue with the results. He'd slept better in the past week than he'd ever slept the first few days he'd been released from the medbay back to the Ghost.

The effect vanished almost immediately upon his return to sleeping alone. His nights were once again restless, sleep eluding him for long hours as he tossed and turned.

He didn't always wake Zeb, but when he did, Zeb offered plenty of suggestions.

Chief among them was talking to Kanan.

"How's that gonna help any more than talking to you?" Ezra had groaned.

Zeb had shrugged. "You're his padawan. Worrying about you is kind of his job, isn't it? If nothing else he's a good listener."

He had a point. But Ezra didn't want to talk about it, not to Kanan, not yet.

He just needed some time, that was all. Leslynn said his body was still recovering. Still healing up. If he gave it a few more weeks, the sleepless nights and anxious thoughts would stop and he'd be back to normal.

No need to worry Kanan over something that was going to go away, right?

It would go away. It would.

He hoped.

***

"Okay, now flex."

Ezra breathed in slowly, curling his arm, squeezing the ball-shaped metal sensor in his palm.

Dr. Leslynn stood behind him, her hands gentle on his arm and shoulder, fingertips prodding, feeling how the muscles moved. "Good. Good. Very good," she said absently, checking the data readings on her datapad.

She had him hold position for about thirty seconds, then she straightened and stepped back.

"All right, you can relax," she told him.

Ezra did so, feeling an achy relief pool through his arm. He set the sensor down on the nearby tray and worked the kinks out of his fist.

He waited while Leslynn looked over her readings, his eyes wandering around the room. A medical droid worked methodically in the corner, cleaning off some equipment. There was a clean, sort of antiseptic smell in the air. He caught sight of a row of empty syringes laid out on a tray and flinched, immediately looking elsewhere. Leslynn hadn't had to take any blood samples in a while but...

He stirred as Leslynn cupped her datapad to her side, smiling brightly. "Okay, well, good news! Looks like you've regained about 90% of full muscle functionality," she said.

He nodded. That was good to hear, at least. He'd hated how much weaker he'd felt in the weeks following his capture.

"Blood pressure looks normal, scans aren't showing any signs of new tissue damage," Leslynn was reciting as she made a few notes on a piece of durasheet clipped to a wooden board.

"So am I cleared to start going on missions again?" Ezra asked, trying not to sound too impatient. His hands fidgeted, tapping the edge of the examination table.

Dr. Leslynn didn't look up yet. "Mmm, that depends," she said. "Do you have any new or worsening symptoms?"

Ezra stopped tapping. He bit the inside of his cheek, hesitating, reluctant. The words formed and reformed inside his head.

He was quiet so long it made Leslynn look up in concern.

"Ezra?" she called.

Finally, Ezra found his voice. The words pulled out of him slowly, every instinct inside him wanting to hold them back.

"There's this... sort of... buzzing... in my head," he explained.

Leslynn angled to face him. "What's it sound like?"

He grimaced. "It's not really a sound, it's more like..." The words to articulate the kind of feeling wouldn't come, and he gave a frustrated groan, throwing up a hand. "Ugh, I dunno."

The doctor's expression flattened. She set aside her clipboard and datapad, grabbing up a small pen light, which she flashed in Ezra's eyes.

"Any pain?" she asked.

"No."

She held up a finger and watched Ezra's eyes track it as she moved her hand back and forth. "Vision changes?"

He shook his head.

Leslynn frowned, stepping back and checking her datapad readings over again. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, she sighed, already dreading the upcoming conversation.

"Well, there's nothing physically wrong with you," she told him. A look of pity settled onto her face. "I'm afraid it's probably mental."

"So I'm a headcase." Ezra's shoulders slumped. "Great."

Leslynn chewed on her lip as she looked at him. He stared down at the floor, dejected. Like the light inside him had dimmed.

She set aside her datapad.

"I'm not much of a psychologist," she said, tone apologetic. She sat down next to him on the examination table, reaching to hold his wrist. "But I do know it can be hard to... adjust after a particularly unsettling experience."

Ezra gave a tired exhale. He'd known this talk was coming the moment he'd opened his mouth, but that didn't make facing it any easier. He was silent a moment longer, stalling, trying to delay the inevitable.

A tick or two passed.

"So how are you feeling?" Leslynn prompted gently.

Tired. Anxious. "Frustrated," he decided upon. "I can't relax. I can't... I'm always jittery and tense. Like there's something wound tight inside me that I can't shake loose." He didn't look up at her as he spoke, heat crawling across his face, making him hot with shame. "It feels like there's this constant comm static in my brain. Like I'm hearing something just soft enough that I can't ignore it, but I can't make out what it is. It's hard to concentrate."

"And your physical symptoms?"

He gave a shrug. "Trouble sleeping. Bad dreams. Cold all the time. Tightness in my chest." His hands began to curl into fists on his legs. "Hands keep shaking."

She squeezed his wrist, feeling the slight tremble in his hands for herself. "Well, first off I want you to know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal," she told him.

"That doesn't exactly make me feel better," Ezra said dryly, earning a smile from the doctor.

"I know," she said. "I'm afraid only time and a good support system can make your symptoms fade. I know that could be difficult to find in the middle of a rebellion, but you need to know that you aren't alone. A lot of people here go through exactly the same thing." She thought through the list of her patients, seeing their names and faces. "Especially after being held by the Empire."

"Kanan was tortured," Ezra pointed out, saying bluntly the word she was trying to euphemise around. "And he was just fine afterwards."

She pursed her lips. "I wouldn't be so certain of that," she muttered. "And anyway, people react differently to trauma," she told him, speaking a little louder. Her eyes were full of sympathy. "From what Captain Kallus told me, you were subjected to a particularly intense form of interrogation."

"But I don't even remember half of it!" Ezra groaned, pulling his wrist from her hand. He pressed his palms to his eyes in aggravation, slumping over with exhaustion.

"Maybe not consciously." Leslynn placed a hand on his shoulder. "But it was a trauma nonetheless. You need time to heal from it, same as with any other kind of injury."

"So I guess you're not clearing me for duty then?" Ezra guessed, sounding absolutely miserable about it.

She thought a moment. "We'll give it a week or two," she promised. "I want to let you have some space away from the fighting, for a little bit." Away from mortal perils and further traumatizing experiences, was her unspoken actual thought. "Then I'll clear you." She turned to her tray, beginning to stack her tools and put things away. "You'll let me know if your symptoms get worse?"

Ezra looked up from his hands, smiling in relief. "Sure, Doc," he told her.

But as he hopped down from the examination table and headed into the dank tunnels that made up the underground labyrinth of the Rebel base... he couldn't help but feel like he'd been lying to her.

---

Here I be with the chapter notes!

1. There Are No Therapists, but Leslynn tries her best dammit. I wanted there to be a distinct difference between the methodology of the Empire versus that of the Rebellion when it came to handling traumatized fighters. So whereas the Empire will just make sure you're physically fit and then send you on your way (something I mentioned briefly in "Cracks In The Mirror" via Kallus), the Rebellion will at least attempt to encourage you to chill for a bit and heal up and talk to people. It doesn't always work, since the Rebellion is full of martyrs and workaholics with hero complexes who constantly put their own traumas aside on a shelf for the sake of the mission but hey, they at least try.

2. I could not for the life of me remember what the normal Star Wars equivalent of paper was. Eventually remembered it but not before getting lost in the bowels of Wookiepedia. (Wikis will eat your time up like nothing, believe me.)

3. Ezra's avoidance issues multiply. Seems like he's also developing a particular aversion to needles. Boy oh boy have we got things to look forward to on that! :D

Thank you for reading. Please leave feedback if you liked something.

#star wars #star wars rebels #ezra bridger #fanfiction #prompt fics

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shadowsong26fic · 6 years ago

Text

The Handler AU

As requested by @tigerkat24.

(I do also have fulltext for one scene in here, which will be posted and linked here in the near future, probably tomorrow, after I clean it up some.)

Right. So. A couple of notes before I get started:

1) This AU prominently features Lavinia, and also super self-indulgent. Gonna say that straight-out. This is me and my OC and a bunch of tropes I adore. It is not the most self-indulgent piece I’ve ever put together, but it’s probably up there. I say this because, while I am pretty much past the point as a fan/content creator/whatever where I’m ashamed of my self-indulgent BS, I understand that it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, especially when it’s as obvious as this piece is. And I like people to know at least in general terms what they’re getting into when they open a piece of mine. So, you know, bear that in mind as you move forward.

2) Because of the way I work/develop AUs/OCs/etc., there are certain personality traits/satellite characters/plot points that are common to all/most of Lavinia’s storylines (...yeah, it’s a Thing I do, with OCs yeah but also with OC-free AUs and AUs of AUs and ‘hey what if I changed this plot point here, or put OC B in this situation instead of that one, or stuck Canon D in...look, y’all have seen my Distaff variants, you know the kind of thing I’m talking about; I don’t always stop at a single layer of canon-divergence, but then there has to be a thread connecting everything, or it becomes a totally different story/character, right? ...I’m not sure I’m explaining this very well. ...anyway, back on topic). As a result, despite being an AU of a completely different AU, this outline is therefore somewhat spoilery for a future Precipice arc. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve hinted at where I’m going with her in the fic proper and/or bonus content, or at least I’ve tried to, (plus, I know I’ve mentioned some things here on tumblr about particular narrative/character tropes I like), so it’s probably not too surprising? Or, at least, I hope it’s not. If it is, I need to get better at foreshadowing… Anyway, it is still technically a spoiler. To the point where I considered sitting on this (and a couple related AUs) at least until a particular event from Arc Seven that makes said future storyline about as clear as it can be until it actually happens. But…I decided ehhhhhh, why not (plus this was requested). But, you know, if that is something you want to avoid, might be best not to read this outline until after Arc…nine, I think? Just as a head’s up.

3) This is essentially a Kallus-centric Rebels fic (though, as mentioned above, also prominently featuring one of my OCs). And, other than that one bit in the Valdemar AU I wrote a month or so ago, this is the first time I’ve actually written Rebels content. (…granted, I’ve plotted more things--the closely-related Pellaeon AU features Rebels stuff pretty heavily, as does the middle arc of the Valdemar AU, which started as ‘Anakin would do really well as a Herald actually’ and has now turned into a massive three-part kudzu plot of a niche crossover and I should really redo that outline properly at some point, plus a few other things…) Anyway, the point is, I’m not necessarily super familiar with the conventions/etc. of this part of the fandom, and I apologize for any off-voice bits.

Okay! Now that I have warned for spoilers, inexperience, and self-indulgent BS…welcome to the Handler AU.

Oh, one more thing I want to mention—because this is, as stated above, super self-indulgent, Kanan is still alive because I said so. He got pretty crisped in that explosion and therefore missed the final battle, but didn’t actually die.

(Imperial records may have listed him as dead for a while, because No One Could Have Survived That, but he did survive.)

(How? IDK, maybe Ezra actually was able to do something from the between-place in this version.)

(Point is, we still have Kanan.)

(Ezra and Thrawn are still on a road trip with a bunch of space whales, though.)

ANYWAY. On to the good stuff.

It all kicks off like two months after Yavin.

Some timeline notes:

Because timelining anything in Star Wars is A Project, I am making some executive decisions here.

We’re approximately a year after the Rebels series finale.

(Meaning Jacen is like 3-4 months old, depending on exactly how pregnant Hera was at the time.)

This is also about how long Zeb and Kallus have been explicitly dating.

(There was SO MUCH PINING going on for a while there.)

(But it took that long for either of them to actually do anything about it.)

(Kallus figured out pretty early on that he was interested, but didn’t really think he deserved this/had earned it yet/that Zeb could possibly be interested in him, and therefore decided to bury his feelings Like A Goddamn Professional Okay.)

(Zeb took a while longer to clue in, and then couldn’t figure out if this was just him or what--see above re: burying things; worked a little bit too well--plus he has his own issues to work through.)

(And then there were some frantic Confessions and so-glad-we’re-alive sex and…)

(Yeah, this is a thing now.)

(Exactly zero people who have spent any time with these two dorks at all are surprised.)

(As is so often the case, the last people to clue in that this was A Mutual Thing are the two idiots involved.)

(There may or may not have been a pool or three going.)

(Hera won at least one of them.)

So. Kallus has made himself useful wherever he can since openly defecting, really, but generally works analyzing intelligence reports and training field agents for potential undercover missions. Even if his specific information is getting more and more out of date (few, if any, of the codes, etc. that he knows are still valid at this point), some things aren’t going to change that quickly, and his background is useful here.

Anyway. He gets called in--

“We’ve been approached by a would-be double agent deep in Imperial territory; received three transmissions in the past few weeks. So far, everything we’ve been sent checks out/has been useful, but.”

“But you’re wondering if this agent is an ISB plant.”

“Exactly. She calls herself Vector.”

“She?”

“Yeah. The scrambler she’s using is doing its job, which means we can’t actually use a voice print to ID her, but vocal pattern analysis got us that much. And that she’s likely Coruscanti, Human, and under thirty. That’s about all we know.”

He goes over the data and the recordings from the first three contacts and nothing jumps out as a red flag/any of the tricks he’s familiar with.

On the first call, there’s some dancing around; as if Vector’s trying to make sure of who she’s talking to. What he’d expect from either a plant or a genuine defector, really. Not particularly helpful.

The other two are fairly brief/straightforward, and start the same way each time--This is Vector. I have a data file for you. Do as you like with it. Also not particularly enlightening, given the question he’s been asked to answer.

The data itself, though, is--interesting. Not easy to access, for the most part, and not necessarily all from the same source. Parts of it are the kind of thing ISB would use as bait, but just as much of it is not. Some of it provides useful context for intel the Alliance has received from other sources (some covert, some not), which is not the kind of thing an ISB plant would send.

So, he goes back to his superiors and tentatively reports Vector as probably genuine. He wants to be on hand for her next transmission, though, to be sure.

(He wonders, idly, who they had evaluate his initial transmissions like this, or if using an established codename and protocol was enough…)

(He’s Concerned it might be the second.)

(There are some worrying gaps in Rebel Intelligence’s security that he can only do so much to patch.)

Of course, there’s a slight problem with that. Vector’s transmissions haven’t exactly been regular--the second one came four days after the first, and then it was nearly two weeks to the third.

And when they do come, they’re very brief, so if Kallus is, say, busy with a training exercise on the opposite side of the base…

(Or otherwise occupied in a supply closet.)

(He does have, y’know, a life when off-duty.)

(...which is something that still sends him into weird brainspirals of “how did this happen” and “i don’t deserve this” and “when is it going to blow up in my face” on occasion, but that is a separate problem. One that he buries. Like A Goddamn Professional.)

(no that’s not a habit of his why do you ask.)

IN ANY CASE, this means that it ends up being her sixth message, close to three weeks after Kallus is initially brought in, before he’s able to listen in live.

(Transmissions four and five, after he reviews them, don’t really change his analysis, but still.)

Transmission six comes in while Kallus happens to be in the tiny corner of the current base that Intelligence has claimed.

It starts like the others did--This is Vector. I have a data file for you. Do as you like with it.

Once the file transfer initiates, he responds.

“Vector, this is Fulcrum.”

(Okay, technically, he probably should be using a different handle now, since it’s really supposed to be for field agents only and he isn’t one anymore. And there are similar shared code names for Intelligence agents primarily on base duty, or he assumes there are, but even after over a year of not using it, it’s still the first one that comes to mind. Reflexive, almost. And now it’s going to stick.)

There’s a beat of silence from the other end, and Kallus is briefly concerned that he misjudged the situation, that she’d going to panic and cut the transmission.

But, “I can’t leave the link open long,” she says.

(Part of him thinks she sounds...almost relieved? Like she’s been waiting to be challenged like this, and the longer things went on without a test, the more nervous she got.)

(He can understand that worry. That sense of just waiting for the other shoe to drop.)

(And, yes, other Rebel Intelligence agents probably could have tested her like this, and if he hadn’t been around as a resource they almost certainly would have, but given that he knows exactly what to look for, the Powers That Be had decided to leave it in his hands.)

“Of course,” he says, and asks her a few questions, rapid-fire.

(He’s less interested in the specific details of her answers--and he’s not really asking her questions about her identity--then how she approaches answering him. Not necessarily something he can explain, which is part of why he didn’t coach any of the other officers and get this taken care of on transmission four or five, but just trying to get a sense of her.)

(One thing he does is privately revise the estimate of her age--he thinks she’s younger than the previous guess, probably twenty or so. Sabine’s age, maybe, at the oldest. Which makes her even less likely to be a plant in his opinion; ISB wouldn’t put this much effort into setting up an agent that inexperienced, not on a mission this sensitive, even if she was inconceivably talented and precocious. As an in-person infiltrator, yes, absolutely; but for this many layers of intrigue...no, they’d want someone Experienced.)

She ends the transmission somewhat abruptly, after about five minutes, but he was more or less expecting that and anyway he has what he needs.

“Well?”

“She’s genuine,” he says. “I’m as sure as I can be of that.”

“Good to hear.” A pause. “...you’ve run undercover agents before, correct?”

Kallus shuts down the knee-jerk paranoid response as fast and hard as he can.

(There are almost certainly people in the Alliance who still don’t trust me but none of them are in this room. I know that. Calm down.)

“Yes, once or twice,” he says, cautiously. “For short-term assignments.”

“Congratulations. You just volunteered to be Vector’s handler.”

(Hence the name of the AU. AKA the one where Kallus adopts a baby spy who JUST HAPPENS to be Palpatine’s daughter.)

(...yeah, he didn’t really see that one coming.)

(...at some point, I should probably go through and outline Lavinia’s politics and her reasons for defecting in detail, but in the interests of focusing on Kallus’s end of things, which is much more interesting, a (hopefully) brief digression on the subject:)

(Lavinia was created and trained to be a spy/manipulator, to perform the kind of tasks and access the kind of information that Palpatine could as the avuncular Chancellor but cannot as Emperor, now that he’s thrown that mask away.)

(...apart from very specific, carefully staged moments, like with Ezra.)

(So, part of manipulating people means understanding them, which means Lavinia does a lot of research to put her targets into context, and in so doing comes across a wide variety of cultures/forms of government, at least in an academic context.)

(And that means that, once she starts thinking beyond “how can I survive until tomorrow” and starts thinking about broader impact/more long-range plans, it doesn’t take her very long to realize that her father’s government is...well, let’s call it deeply flawed.)

(What she does when she comes to that conclusion varies, depending on other circumstances--but she doesn’t necessarily defect right away. Mostly for practical reasons; in Masks!Verse, which this AU is a variant of, she has no Rebel contacts that she’s absolutely sure of.)

(Meaning, in this case, both “absolutely sure is an actual Rebel and not just sympathetic to their aims/politics” and “absolutely sure would be willing to work with me despite my parentage.”)

(And if she approaches anyone she isn’t sure of, it’ll get her or her contact or both of them killed. Defecting from a distance, while she can better protect her identity, has a much bigger risk of interception, which, again, would get her and/or her contacts and possibly a lot of other people killed. Or worse.)

(Basically, she doesn’t think defection is a viable option for her--there are some other reasons for this, but those play a distant second to these concerns.)

(But then Alderaan happens.)

(And these concerns carry a lot less weight.)

(It takes her a couple months to figure out how to make contact with Rebel Intelligence, let alone how to do it safely, but she starts working on it at that point.)

(...I think that’s the salient points here. Like I said, I have a fair bit more about Lavinia’s politics/etc. and the ways/extent to which she’s willing to defy her father in various AUs, but that’s enough for this one, I think.)

So, Kallus can’t really argue with the assignment (even if part of him kind of wants to? Not because he thinks he can’t do it, but because he’s concerned that being another deep-cover informant’s handler is going to dig up a lot of stuff he’d really, really rather keep buried.)

(Look, he feels like he’s finally found his equilibrium. He’s even, somehow, approaching happy with his life for the first time in what feels like forever which, guilt-induced brainspirals aside, he doesn’t want to give up.)

(Besides, handling Vector wouldn’t be his only responsibility, and if he does start losing that equilibrium, he’s not sure how much his other work will be affected.)

(On the other hand...)

(On the other hand, there are very few people who have done what he did and survived long enough to make it back to Rebel lines.)

(Oh, there are other deep-cover informants, sure; but the majority of them are plants inserted by Rebel Intelligence.)

(And while, even leaving aside the technicalities involved with Senator Mothma and others among the leadership who had previously served in the Imperial Senate, there are plenty of defectors--up to and including General Madine and some other persons of very high rank--for the most part, once they make that decision, defectors grab what they can and run.)

(The ones that don’t usually don’t survive as long as he did.)

(Or, alternatively, they don’t identify themselves to the Alliance or even necessarily work directly with them; they perform internal sabotage rather than espionage.)

(Those embedded defectors tend to last longer, but not by much.)

(Which means that he’s probably the only person--certainly the only available person--who has been where Vector is. Who better to help her?)

(As for his own issues...well, he is a Professional, dammit. He can damn well compartmentalize. He’s very good at that.)

(...yeah, this is kind of a running theme for him. Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes it’s...very much not.)

(It remains to be seen how much it’ll help or hurt when dealing with Vector.)

So, he accepts the assignment, and goes back to his quarters to tell Zeb and collect a few things--given the irregularity of Vector’s transmissions, until he can talk to her again and set up a better protocol, he’s going to basically have to camp out in Intelligence.

(Which he’s not looking forward to, but it is what it is.)

Zeb is already there when he gets back--their current shifts don’t entirely line up, which is fine; they have at least a few hours overlap most days which is better than some pairs can say.

After several minutes saying hello...

“Did I miss anything interesting?” Kallus asks.

“That Skywalker kid came by a bit ago,” Zeb tells him. “Looking for Kanan.”

Kallus blinks, halfway through fixing caf for the two of them. “...aren’t he and Hera off investigating a potential supply line?”

(Which is, of course, far below Hera’s current paygrade, but she volunteers for that kind of mission on occasion. An excuse to spend private time with her family, while still technically being useful and not taking actual time off.)

“Yep,” Zeb says. “Apparently, this is the third or fourth time something like that has happened. They keep missing each other.”

"Well, I’m sure they’ll link up sooner or later,” he says. “Especially if Skywalker’s actively looking for Kanan.”

(He hasn’t actually met Luke yet at this point, but he’s heard the rumors. He has no real doubt of this fact.)

“Yeah, probably,” Zeb says. “I think Kanan’s been trying to track him down, too. He’ll be sorry he missed him.”

(...yeah, we’re going with Anakin-and-Grievous levels of contrived coincidence to keep those two from actually meeting for a while.)

(Partly because it’s easier than figuring out all the timeline/plot implications that might have (and I’m lazy, and that is the focus of another story), but mostly because I think it’s funny.)

Kallus nods. “...did he and Hera take Jacen with them, or...?”

(He hadn’t seen any evidence the baby had been left with them, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.)

But Zeb shakes his head. “Nah, Sabine has him this time. Why? Something going on?”

“I have an assignment,” Kallus tells him.

“Huh. Extraction?”

(Logical assumption--the bulk of the fieldwork he does now, all-hands-on-deck situations like Lothal aside, is extractions. Occasionally helping sell an insertion, but generally the reverse.)

“No, not this time,” he says. “The agent who reached out, the one I told you about--I’ve been assigned as her handler.”

(He has long since gotten permission to discuss at least surface generalities of his work with Zeb, and they both know where the line is.)

Zeb’s ears flick a little, and Kallus can practically see him weighing the same pros and cons that he himself did earlier--and probably several others he hadn’t thought of.

“So, I guess that means you’re camping out in intelligence for a while?”

“Unfortunately,” he says. “Of course, there is a difference between being on-call and being on duty. And my schedule technically won’t change.”

Zeb perks up at that and grins before kissing him. “Well, I’m sure I an find an excuse to be in the area. Sometimes. Just in case. You know.”

“Mm.”

Fortunately, call number seven comes less than a week later.

This is Vector. I have a data file for you. Do as you like with it.

“Vector, this is Fulcrum.”

A brief pause. “Yes.”

“I’ve been assigned as your handler.”

(He figures the best way to deal with someone who’s probably twitchy and paranoid and otherwise on high alert is to be as scrupulously honest as he can. That doesn’t mean telling her everything, of course, but it does mean being straightforward, difficult as it is, and not outright lying.)

(If he can. So far, he can.)

Another pause. “I understand.”

(She’s hard to read on this one, whether or not she finds it suspicious. She might even be relieved again, that she’ll have a set contact point, rather than a whoever’s-available sort of situation.)

“There are some protocols I’d like to establish, for further contacts.”

“I can’t call at a set time,” she says immediately. “Or at set intervals.”

"I understand,” he said. “But I’m going to give you a more specific frequency to call.”

“Yes,” she says, and that definitely has a faint note of relief.

“Can you, if nothing else, send an all-clear transmission every two weeks?” he asks. “It doesn’t need to be at a set time, but so we can gauge--” whether or not you’re alive and uncompromised “--how concerned we need to be after a long silence.”

She pauses. “...I think so. Yes. I can do that.”

(Definitely young, he thinks, maybe even younger than Ezra--would be.)

“That’s all for now,” he says. There are others he wants to establish, of course, but those are the most important and her file transfer is nearly complete.

“I’ll be in touch,” she says; hesitates a second; “Vector out.”

(...well, she’s signing off officially now, rather than just abruptly terminating the connection. Progress. I think.)

He goes back to his quarters, and life settles into a new routine.

He keeps up his old duties--analyzing reports, training potential undercover agents, etc.--and also keeps track of Vector and her reports.

That last one proves...well, his early optimism wasn’t entirely misplaced?

Vector is very, very good at what she does. Her files are varied in their content, and sometimes not as useful as she might’ve hoped, due to timing or other resource concerns, but the quality of the work she does never comes into question.

But part of being a double agent’s handler is assessing how they’re holding up under the incredible stress of the position. And she is frustratingly vague when it comes to anything approaching anything personal about herself.

In addition, there are two additional protocols he wants to set up early on--first is a way for him to reach her.

“Just because I have access doesn’t mean I have influence,” she says. “I can’t seed disinformation for you. Not without getting caught.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.”

(Though, of course, he had considered the possibility--as well-positioned as Vector seems to be, how could he not?--but while he doesn’t completely rule out the idea, he files it away under “only as a last resort.” Better to leave her in place as long as possible.)

“But if there’s something specific we want you to keep an eye out for--or if we need to warn you about something...”

“Right,” she says. “That’s fine, then.”

The second, though...the second is where they run into real problems.

“I also want to establish an emergency signal. If you need extraction, or if you end up captured by Rebel agents.”

(He still wonders, sometimes, if staying behind when Ezra came to extract him was the right decision. It had seemed so at the time, but...)

(He’ll probably never know. And fretting about it doesn’t do any good.)

(knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to stop.)

“No,” she says.

“Vector--”

And she hangs up on him.

Exactly why she’s so reticent to establish something like that, he isn’t sure--he has some theories, but...

It’s frustrating, to be sure. Makes it harder for him to do his job.

(And it makes him worried about her--if she’s working without any kind of exit strategy, that likely means she doesn’t think such a thing will be possible. Which, on the one hand, shows her dedication to the cause, but on the other hand...on the other hand, if she thinks getting caught is inevitable, she might get sloppy with her own security and that might well turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

(The other alternative, that she doesn’t trust him, or the Alliance, with her safety if things do go wrong, is...well, probably more distressing, in all honesty.)

(Though not, perhaps, altogether surprising.)

He decides to seek Kanan’s advice on the problem.

(Kanan, after all, knows best what to do with unruly teenagers.)

(...well, so does Hera, but Hera’s advice would probably be less applicable/harder to apply to his specific situation. Also, she has better things to do than help him do his job.)

(Which is the other frustrating thing, that he can’t handle this by himself.)

Kanan’s advice is pretty straightforward--be patient, and don’t push her too hard. You can’t help her if she won’t let you.

(This is part of why I wanted him still around, incidentally.)

(Because there is something utterly hilarious about Kallus going to Kanan for parenting advice.)

(And that’s exactly what he’s doing.)

(Even if he hasn’t quite figured that out yet.)

So, taking this in mind, he backs off. A little bit. Decides to start from square one, and build a rapport, and go from there to get some of the other basics that he wants established.

Standard interrogation technique, technically. Not one favored by ISB, obviously, or really encouraged, but even they knew it had its uses.

Vector is still cagey about personal details, but she does start to soften a little as several weeks go by.

He brings up the idea of an emergency code phrase again, after about two months of this kind of sporadic contact.

This time, she says she’ll think about it.

Things hold in this pattern for about a year, and then Vector makes a call, as usual.

Or, it starts like a normal call, anyway.

“You probably won’t hear from me for a while,” she says, as the file transfer is wrapping up and they’re about to sign off.

“Are you in trouble?”

“No,” she says. “Nothing like that. And nothing related to the work we’ve been doing. But things are going to be...difficult. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to get an all-clear message out for a while.”

He doesn’t like this at all. “How long?”

“A month,” she says. “Probably. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. I’ll contact you as soon as I can safely.”

It is one of the longer months of his life.

But, as promised, the dedicated comm he has for her lights up eventually.

This is Vector. I have a data file for you.

“Vector, this is Fulcrum,” he says. “Good to hear from you again. Everything all right?”

“Yes,” she says. And she seems fine, and he breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

When he tells Zeb about it later, though, is where it gets...interesting.

“Glad to hear your kid’s okay,” he says.

“My--she’s not my child, Zeb,” Kallus says.

“Really.”

“....”

“Look, you talk about her the same way Kanan talks about Sabine, when she’s off blowing things up on Mandalore.”

“I...wait, really?”

“Yep,” Zeb says, and grins at him. “I mean, it’s not a problem. S’kind of what we do in this family, isn’t it? Take in strays. ‘Bout time you got in on it, really.”

Kallus just stares at him. “I...what.”

Zeb waves a hand in front of his face. “Alex. Babe. You all right in there?”

He shakes himself. “Yes, of course. Sorry."

“Ehh, don’t worry about it. I mean, it’d probably have been nice for the two of us to talk about kids in general before we started adopting our own strays, but--”

Really, sometimes Kallus thinks that Zeb likes the expression he makes when utterly poleaxed like that.

(He does. He thinks it’s adorable.)

(Also, Zeb figures this is a conversation they maybe should have, because they’re clearly both in this for the long haul and he saw this opening and...look, no one ever said Zeb was good at broaching delicate topics gently.)

“...do you?” Kallus asks, when he recovers. “Want children, someday?”

“I mean...yeah,” Zeb says. “If you do. I mean.”

“I hadn’t thought about it,” he confesses.

(Because long-range planning is hard; because they’re at war, because he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, because he doesn’t deserve any of this and planning for a future he doesn’t deserve is just--a little much for him sometimes.)

“But...yes,” Kallus says. “I think so, yes. I would like to raise children with you. Someday.”

Zeb’s response to that is positive and enthusiastic and leads to things they will definitely not be discussing with their hypothetical children ever.

It’s a month or two after that that Kallus finds out who Vector is.

(…well, for a given value of ‘finds out,’ anyway.)

He and Zeb are babysitting--Sabine is back on Mandalore; Hera is on duty; Kanan was supposed to be finally meeting Luke but there was an issue at the spaceport and he’s stranded for the next few hours.

(Like I said. Anakin-and-Grievous levels of contrived coincidence.)

Zeb has just put the kid to bed, and Kallus is watching the news.

“You’re still watching that?” he asks, nudging Kallus to make room for him on the couch and drawing him to lean on his shoulder.

“I’ve told you before, dear, knowing what the Empire is saying, no matter how different that is from what they’re doing, has its uses.”

“Especially if you know how their propaganda is constructed, I know,” Zeb says, and nuzzles his ear. “Just thought you were almost done.”

Kallus smiles faintly and leans into the caress. “I am, I promise. I’ll shut it off in a minute. I just want to--”

He pauses. Rewinds the feed. Pauses it--pre-recorded coverage of some public event the Emperor’s kid had been at, with the newscaster commenting on the progress of whatever “public works” project it was supposed to kick off.

“…what is it? Something she said?”

(...something to do with whatever this “project” is covering up?)

“Hush,” he says, fiddling with a few buttons and calling up a printed transcript and skims through it before sinking back against Zeb, letting out a breath.

“Babe?”

“I think I know who Vector is,” he says.

Zeb stares at him for a minute, then stares at the paused footage--frozen on the Princess’s face, icy and composed.

“…her?”

“Her,” he confirms.

“Why…?”

“Little things,” he says. “The way she talks, some unique turns of phrase. And she fits the profile--young, Human, Coruscanti, close to someone powerful but essentially a civilian herself…and…when Vector disappeared on me last month, that coincided with a period where the Princess was more visible than usual.”

“Karabast,” he mutters. “When you put it like that…”

“It’s all conjecture,” Kallus points out. “I can’t prove any it. Not without digging deeper--which, if I’m right, risks compromising her cover--or asking her straight-out.”

(Which, of course, would also be a bad idea. It would probably seriously damage the trust he’s spent the past year and more building, and it might not even get him an honest answer anyway.)

“Right,” Zeb says. “…any chance someone else could put this together?”

Kallus makes a face. “Unlikely,” he says, though he doesn’t sound totally sure. “The recordings of our conversations are kept as hard copies only, for security. Not uploaded onto any networked drives. And a very small set of people have access to those copies. I doubt anyone could put it together without that access. Still…”

(Someone dedicated enough, who managed to access one of those recordings, or intercept a transmission along the way, or compromise the lines of communication from the other side…)

“Kriff,” he says. “Anything you can do about it?”

“Not really,” he says. “Other than brief Draven and keep doing what I’ve been doing.”

“Yeah,” he says, and studies the picture again; glances over at the morose look on Kallus’s face; feels his ears twitching. “Huh. Never would’ve figured the Emperor’s kriffing daughter to defect.”

Kallus jumps a little, drawn out of his thoughts, then rolls his eyes and gives Zeb a fond, exasperated smile (which was really the point, honestly; to needle him into a better mood), and rather dryly points out, “There was a time you would’ve said the same about me.”

“True,” Zeb says, and grins at him. “Guess it just goes to show, people surprise you all the time.”

“Indeed,” Kallus says, then reaches over to shut off the feed and changes the subject.

Six weeks after that, Vector goes quiet again. This time without warning.

When her two-week check-in goes by with nothing, he’s immediately concerned. She’s never missed a check-in before, not without warning. He decides to give her a day, and then ping her himself.

(He generally avoids doing that--only when he absolutely needs to speak with her about something time-sensitive that can’t wait for her to reach out.)

There’s no response to his message, either.

He reports the missed check-in, of course. Tries again the next day. And a third.

Still nothing.

(He knows a rescue won’t be authorized--technically, they don’t actually know for sure who or even where Vector is, and if his theory is correct, they cannot make a run on Coruscant for one agent, especially not one as visible as Princess Lavinia.)

(He keeps telling himself that. Over and over again. As he tries a fourth and fifth time to reach her.)

“Zeb,” he says, after a third full week has gone by since the last time he heard from her. “I need you to talk me out of doing something stupid.”

“Uh, sure, babe. What’s going on?”

He explains the situation as briefly as he can. “And I am this close to staging a half-assed unauthorized raid on Coruscant to extract her.”

“...nah, if we’re doing an unauthorized raid on Coruscant, it should be a full-assed thing.”

That...that wasn’t really the answer Kallus was looking for.

(In hindsight, he thinks, as he tries to redraw building plans from memory and plan this stupid, stupid venture, he probably should have gone to Hera if he really wanted someone to talk him down. Or possibly Kanan. ...no, Hera.)

(...it could be worse, though.)

(he could’ve tried asking Sabine.)

Fortunately, before they can actually run off and get themselves killed--

(or court-martialed)

(or in trouble with Hera)

--Kallus’ dedicated comm chimes.

“All clear,” he breathes. “That’s the all-clear. She’s...she’s alive.”

It’s nearly another week before he hears anything else, but finally a real call comes.

This is Vector. I have a data file for you. Do as you like with it.

“Vector, this is Fulcrum. Are you all right?”

(she doesn’t sound all right; it’s hard to tell through her scrambler, but she seems strained.)

“Everything’s fine,” she says. “I apologize for the delay, but things are settled now. My cover is intact.”

Which is good to know, but not what he asked.

“And what about you?” he says.

She doesn’t answer right away.

“Vector?”

“I’m here,” she says. “And everything is under control. You don’t need to worry about me. Nothing that--it wasn’t anything to do with this, I was caught on the fringes of something unrelated. It won’t interfere with my work going forward.”

Which still isn’t an answer.

(He’s pretty sure the non-answer is his answer, though. Damn it.)

(He knows the risks. Better than most. And he knows she knows them, too. It doesn’t make it any easier to hear, especially knowing that there is kriff-all he can do to help her.)

Into the silence, she says, “I’m your asset, Fulcrum. Not your friend.”

“......”

“I’m just--” She sighs. “I’m your asset. Not your friend. It’s...we should both remember that. It’s probably better, in the long run.”

And part of him is hurt; part of him is annoyed that he is being lectured on professionalism by a damned child; part of him is worried again--he did finally talk her into an emergency code phrase, in case of capture or other disaster, but here she goes again, hinting that she doesn’t have an exit strategy.

(Not like I did, either, he reminds himself. Can’t plan that far ahead. Not when you’re doing this kind of work. And even when Ezra came for me--)

(He buries it. Because he is a goddamn professional, Vector’s reproof aside.)

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” she says. “And I’ve had worse.”

“........”

All right, that he likes even less.

“Vector--”

“I have to go,” she says. “I’ll be in touch when I have something else. And I’ll do my best to warn you if I have to disappear again. Vector out.”

And, in the interests of “good Lord this thing is close to 6k already,” we’re going to skip ahead quite a bit, about a year and a half, to just after the evacuation of Echo Base.

For the first time in a while, the whole family (minus Ezra) is back on the Ghost together.

(Kanan, Hera, Chopper, Sabine, Zeb, Kallus, Rex, and Jacen.)

(They’ve all been in touch and met up fairly frequently, but they’re no longer a discrete cell and they all have their own, often separate, duties with the wider Rebellion. So, while the circumstances leading to it are awful, it’s nice to have an opportunity like this.)

Orders are to lay low, and make their way by a prearranged roundabout route to the fleet rendezvous five days later.

The first night, they mostly spend catching up and letting Sabine fleece them all at cards.

(Except Rex. Do Not Play Sabaac With Rex.)

(They had all forgotten that rule.)

Hera is sending occasional messages back and forth to Command, to confirm/make adjustments/etc., but otherwise things are fairly quiet after the frantic rush of the evacuation itself.

(Fortunately, none of them were injured in the escape. It’s happened before, when they’ve had to leave a base in a hurry. That was a week no one wanted to repeat.)

It’s their second night of drifting, and Kallus is just starting to fall asleep (Zeb is snoring beside him; the noise honestly probably should have been annoying but is genuinely comforting at this point, to the point where he has trouble sleeping without it) when his comm beeps.

It’s Vector.

More accurately, it’s her emergency signal.

He extracts himself from the bed and slips out into the hall to talk the call.

“Fulcrum.”

“It’s Vector,” she says, unnecessarily. She’s not using her usual scrambler this time, but a more standard vocoder, probably cannibalized from a stolen helmet. She sounds drained, and slightly breathless. “I’ve been burned. I got...I got away. I had more..." She stops, clears her throat. “I got away. I was able to remove my tracker and I’m as--I’m as sure as I reasonably can be that I’ve lost anyone following me by other means. I-I pulled as much raw data as I could onto a couple of portable drives on my way out, but I’m on a...I’m on a sliced public terminal right now, I don’t want to keep the line open long enough to send them in the usual way and I...I don’t know what the protocol is now. Please advise.”

“Where are you now?” he asks. There are so many other questions he wants to ask, needs to ask, both from a personal and a professional standpoint--is she all right; how did she get caught; how did she escape; how long has she been compromised--but they can wait until she’s been located and brought in safely. He sets them all aside, and focuses.

(Like A Goddamn Professional.)

“Ixaly,” she says. “I’m on...I’m on Ixaly.”

He closes his eyes, mentally traces their route through hyperspace. Ixaly is in this sector, it shouldn’t be far...yes. If he’s counted right--they’ll be doing a navigation stop shortly, and dropping out of hyperspace. From there--a few hours to Ixaly, unless he’s completely turned around.

“There’s a cantina,” he says, “in the Diira district in Central City. The White Shale. Can you be there in six hours?”

A brief pause; he can hear her breathing. “Yes,” she says, at last. “Yes, I’ll be there.”

“That’s the fastest I can arrange a pickup,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

(If he’s right about how close they are, it might not actually take him that long, but there’s a balance between getting to her as quickly as possible and budgeting in time for something to go wrong. He doesn’t want to risk being late and having her move on because she thinks he’s not coming. He may not be able to contact her if something goes wrong; not if she’s relying on sliced public terminals to reach out to him. And he has no idea when she’ll be able to make contact again, or how long whatever data’s on her drives will stay viable...so, six hours. He’ll have to trust her to stay alive that long.)

“I’ll be there,” she promises. “White Shale cantina, Diira district, Central City, six hours.”

“Exactly. You know how to reach me if there are any problems.”

“Yes,” she says.

“It’s almost over,” he says. “You’ve done well, getting yourself this far. Just hold on for a little while longer, all right?”

“I will,” she says; takes a breath. “I’ll see you in six hours. Vector out.”

The line goes dead.

Half a heartbeat later, he feels the familiar rumble of the hyperdrive cutting out, switching over to sublight engines.

He’s in his window now, he doesn’t have time--

As he heads for the Phantom, he runs into Kanan.

“...what’s wrong?”

“Vector,” he says, clipped. “She’s had to run. She’s not far--”

“Go,” he says. “I’ll let Hera know. ...take Zeb with you. In case you need backup.”

(Which he doesn’t really need, and it might well spook his contact if he brings a team--he has run extractions like this before, after all, and Vector is particularly cagey--but he nods.)

“I will. Thank you.”

“How long do we wait before sending our own rescue party?” Kanan asks.

Kallus does some quick mental math--six hours to the meet; going by Vector’s history, she may need some convincing to come along (like I did, until it was too late; but it’s already too late for her, isn’t it?); she might be wrong about having a tail; they might run into unrelated trouble...

“I’ll send word once we leave the system. If you haven’t heard from me in twelve hours, that’s when you worry.”

“Got it,” he says, and starts off towards the cockpit to update Hera, when Kallus realizes--

“Wait,” he says.

Kanan pauses, half-turns back to him.

“I don’t know who Vector is, not for certain,” he says, “but I have considerable circumstantial evidence that she’s Princess Lavinia.”

Kanan takes that in, then nods slowly. “Right. Thanks for the head’s up. I’ll pass that along.”

“Thank you,” Kallus says again, and the two of them separate--Kallus goes to wake Zeb and then get the Phantom prepped and underway; Kanan goes to tell Hera what’s going on.

(...and corral his son.)

(Jacen has developed this habit lately of hiding on the Phantom when he thinks it’s going somewhere Interesting.)

(Which is usually whenever someone other than Mamma is driving.)

(He likes going on Adventures with his various uncles and Auntie ‘Bine, okay.)

(They go on the best Adventures.)

(But retrieving one of Kallus’s deep-cover agents whose cover was blown like a week ago at most is maaaaaaybe not the best Adventure for a three-year-old.)

Fortunately, Zeb isn’t hard to wake and grasps the situation quickly. The two of them head for the Phantom--

And find Sabine sitting there waiting for them, spinning idly in the pilot’s chair.

“...Sabine--” Zeb starts.

“Whatever it is that’s got you two running around frantically when we’re supposed to be lying low,” she says, “I wanna help. You might need backup.”

On the one hand, Kallus is pretty sure they won’t. And his prior concerns about spooking Vector if he comes in with a team still apply.

On the other hand, Sabine is one of the best people to have beside them in a crisis, if things do go all to hell. She’s creative and generally carrying an array of weapons that defies the very laws of physics.

Besides, he doesn’t have time to argue with her.

“Fine,” he says. “But you follow my lead--both of you. Neither of you has been on an extraction like this before, and this is what I do. All right?”

“All right,” Sabine says. “Who is it we’re extracting, exactly?”

“A spy, working under the code name Vector,” he says. “She’s been feeding us intel for close to three years now. Her cover was compromised, and she had to run.”

Sabine nods. “Got it,” she says.

“And, if I’m right,” he says--because if he is, Sabine will have to know before they get there, “she’s the Emperor’s daughter.”

“...all right, then,” Sabine manages, after a moment of stunned silence. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

They detach, and the Ghost disappears behind them back into hyperspace as Kallus sets a course for Ixaly.

And now, since I’m sure y’all are wondering the same thing Kallus is--i.e., how did she get caught/how did she escape--let’s backtrack and leave Kallus’s POV for another brief digression--

It all comes down to a man named Vedric Greer.

Vedric Greer is a Royal Guard. He’s been in that elite unit for over fifteen years at this point, selected more or less straight out of the Academy.

He’s been the head of Lavinia’s detail since she was twelve.

(Before that, he had a variety of assignments; he never got stuck with Vader, for which he is profoundly grateful, but he guarded a few valuable objects/locations, and he was on Tarkin’s detail for a couple of years.)

See, here’s the thing about Royal Guards. They’re put through a lot of conditioning, both physically and mentally, to become living weapons who are absolutely loyal.

And he is. Vedric Greer is an absolutely loyal man.

The thing is, to be a Royal Guard assigned to any living being other than Palpatine himself--Vader, Tarkin, Mas Amedda, Lavinia, a few others--means to be equal parts bodyguard and prison guard. Such a Guard is at least partly there to protect his principal from external threats, of course, but if said principal steps out of line or he’s given certain orders, he becomes their jailer. Or executioner. Or worse.

When he’s assigned to someone like Tarkin, of course, that isn’t much of a problem.

But a lonely, precocious twelve-year-old kid like Lavinia? Who, whatever traits she may have inherited from her father, has them tempered by an actual conscience?

...yeah, it doesn’t take a whole lot for him to bond with her, just a little.

(Throw in the fact that he has a lover, an Imperial Archivist who survived Scarif by being transferred to Coruscant days before Tarkin blew it up...well. Maybe the cracks in his armor aren’t only to do with the little girl he’s been made responsible for.)

So. Vedric Greer is a Royal Guard, and that means he is a living weapon, and absolutely loyal.

But over the past seven years--and especially the last three--maybe, just maybe, that loyalty has started to shift.

(He doesn’t even realize it, at first; and when he does notice the traces of affection, of tangential loyalty in himself...well, he reasons that Lavinia is all but an extension of her father’s will, anyway. Right? And if he conveniently fails to see certain signs...)

(Reynard, his lover, knows way before Vedric does where this is going, of course.)

And then, one morning, his orders change, and all those little things come crashing down.

(It was such a simple thing that screwed her over; Palpatine seeds bait among his minions constantly, little nuggets of information so that, if there is a high-placed leak, he can track it back to its source right away. Standard counter-intelligence, really; and everyone, everyone, is under suspicion. Everyone is tested.)

(Lavinia is normally very good at spotting this sort of thing--she has a natural aptitude for espionage, she was trained by the best, and she puts just as much effort into surviving her father and completing her mission as he did into taking over the galaxy. How else would she have lasted nineteen years as her father’s daughter--let alone three as a deep-cover Rebel spy?)

(But this time--this time she missed it. And now he knows.)

And Vedric Greer has a choice to make.

It’s surprising, in the end, how simple it is.

“My lady,” he informs her, “you are undone.”

He helps her cut out the tracking device implanted inside her ribcage (which is also fitted with a killswitch, of course, in case she ever tried to slip her leash); she asks him to come with her; he refuses.

(He is not a Rebel. He is not disloyal.)

(What he is, is her protector. What he is, is--hers.)

“I’m so sorry,” she says.

“So am I,” he says, and, “Go. I’ll buy you as much time as I can.”

“Goodbye,” she says, and disappears.

He sends a brief message to Reynard--hoping he’ll know what it means (he will; he always knew this might happen), and prepares himself to meet his death.

(Or, at least, that’s what he believes is going to happen.)

(...look, as I said before, this is Self-Indulgent BS(tm). Like I’m really gonna let Greer die. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have no earthly idea how he survives but he does. Because this is my self-indulgent BS, dammit.)

Okay. Back to Ixaly, and the actual rescue/extraction mission.

(…by which I also mean forward, since it’s like a week later.)

Our Heroes reach Central City about an hour ahead of schedule. After a brief discussion, Sabine disappears into the district to be on-hand for immediate help, if needed; Zeb, who doesn’t blend in as well, will stay with the Phantom; Kallus of course goes to the cantina to find his contact.

He heads there more or less directly, taking in as much detail of the city and the specific neighborhood as he can.

He’s been here before, but it’s been several years; there is a garrison in place, but the occupation seems comparatively light.

Which means there’s a not-unreasonable chance that this will go smoothly.

(Of course, as soon as he thinks that, he starts coming up with all the potential problems that could still happen. For one thing, he or Vector or Sabine might be recognized…)

Security on the cantina itself; mostly local talent, just as it was on his last visit. This is a fairly middle-of-the-road place; just dishonest enough that he and Vector should blend, not so dishonest that they’re likely to get caught in the middle of any…unpleasantness. Part of why he picked this place. That, the fact that it isn’t particularly difficult to find, and is fairly close to his ideal landing site.

(Not the official port, naturally; while Kallus doesn’t doubt that they could bluff their way through, he’d rather not try it on such short notice. They’d landed the Phantom on the city outskirts, about fifteen minutes away by foot.)

In other words, things are about as well-situated as they could be, under the circumstances. He has three separate exit routes at least tentatively mapped out, of varying efficiency and difficulty.

(And, if it came down to it, Sabine or Zeb could create one for him, of course, but he’d prefer to avoid that if at all possible.)

(In any case, best to have backup plans; he’ll pick the best route of the three once he has a better idea of what Vector’s capable of at the moment.)

(He’s almost certain she’s hurt, and he doesn’t know how badly, and she’ll never actually tell him, so that’s the best he can do.)

Inside, the cantina is fairly crowded--which is a mixed blessing; on the one hand, more cover for their activities/conversation, but on the other, more people to see them.

It’s a varied crowd; mostly local shift workers, a few semi-legitimate traders and mid-level bounty hunters. Most importantly, though, there are no troopers that he can identify, even off-duty. Excellent.

He gets a drink (to blend in, primarily) and finds a table in the corner where he can keep an eye on the other patrons and watch the door without being obvious about it.

He’s not kept waiting long.

She blends in pretty well--she’s managed to dress herself in a slightly-outdated local fashion, one that helpfully comes with a cowl that doesn’t quite hide her face, but does enough to keep her mostly anonymous from a distance and make dodging any security cameras easier.

(A few other women in the cantina are dressed similarly; not many, but enough that she doesn’t really stand out.)

She doesn’t head straight for him. She weaves through the crowd for a minute, hesitates by the bar as if she’s considering something, orders a drink. Her attention drifts over the crowd; she doesn’t linger on him, but her hand twitches a little.

(Ah. She spotted him, then. Good.)

(He isn’t really surprised that she figured out which Fulcrum she was working with. And it does make things simpler--there are a few signals he could have tried, but there wasn’t time, when she called, to pick one of them and be sure.)

(An advantage, if a counter-intuitive one, to using the legacy code name with her, he supposes.)

She starts moving again; doing everything right--wandering as if she’s looking for a seat, gradually making her way to a small empty table next to his.

(The whole thing takes probably less than two minutes. It feels longer. Then again, it always does--this isn’t the first time he’s met a contact like this, and that never changes. Doesn’t matter whether he’s the first or second to arrive.)

He taps out a quick signal on his commlink--contact made, everything’s on track so far--and waits.

“I have a data file for you,” she says softly. “Several, in fact.”

He smiles faintly into his drink. “Well done.”

The way the tables are laid out, they’re sitting next to one another, both with their backs against the wall. It’s a simple matter for her to slide the two drives over to him, and just as easy for him to make them disappear.

(Leaving together discreetly will be a little harder, but he’s been doing this for quite a while. They’ll manage.)

“I have transport off-planet,” he tells her. “We should wait a few minutes, not get up right away, but it’s best if we leave sooner rather than later.”

She shakes her head. “I'm not coming with you.”

(He wishes he could say he was surprised.)

He doesn’t turn to look at her, as much as he wants to. “If you’re concerned about reprisals…”

“I’m not,” she says. “Not really. It’s just…not a good idea.”

...and in the interests of “good Lord this thing is probably pushing 10k and it’s not even the full fic it’s an outline,” I’m going to skip the rest of this conversation. Suffice to say, he’s right and she’s wrong, though she takes some convincing, but they leave the cantina together like fifteen minutes later. Also, he confirms that his theory as to her identity was correct somewhere in here.

Anyway, like I said, he talks her down, and she agrees to leave with him.

Once out of the cantina, he can get a better look at her, assess how badly she’s hurt.

(He knows she is for certain now; she’s breathing carefully, shallowly, and a little too fast--but he could only see her hands and the vague shadow of her cowl before.)

“Are you all right?” he asks; even though the answer is obvious; she’s favoring her left side and very pale.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” she says.

A characteristic non-answer, but a step above denial. He supposes.

“All right,” he says. “Let me know if you need help.”

(There’s not much else he can do here and now, anyway; they have some supplies back on the Ghost, and she can get proper medical attention once they rendezvous with the fleet.)

“I will,” she says, which is something at least.

They make it two blocks before they run into a squad of stormtroopers.

It’s a routine patrol; and, even with a wounded asset to escort, it wouldn’t have been a problem under most circumstances. He could avoid the confrontation, or talk his way past.

But the squad sergeant stiffens in a particular way, staring at him.

“Karabast,” he mutters.

(You’d think, after all these years, this would stop happening so often. But, no, it’s still even odds that, out in the field, someone will recognize him.)

Lavinia takes half a step back. “I can--”

“They’re not here for you,” he tells her, then drags her behind cover a split second before the troopers start firing.

Then takes a minute to take stock.

This is...not an ideal position for a standoff. And while they might be able to fight their way through...

Best plan is to stay put, hold them off as long as they can, and call in Zeb and Sabine for backup.

Good thing I listened to Kanan, he thinks.

He takes out his sidearm, then pulls his holdout pistol from his boot and offers it to Lavinia.

But she shakes her head. “Father kept my focus narrow. I’d do more harm than good.”

“...right.”

Even less ideal. But it’s all right. He can handle this.

He takes his comm, switches it to the voice setting.

“Specter Four, this is Fulcrum. We’re going to need a slightly more dramatic exit than I planned for.”

“Copy that, Fulcrum,” Zeb says. “Could use an opening, Specter Five.”

“And to think you boys wanted to leave me behind,” Sabine says.

“Yes, yes, can we save the ‘I-told-you-sos’ until after we’re clear?” Kallus says, firing off a handful of shots to keep the squad at bay.

“She does have a point, babe.”

“Not on open comms, dear, how many times...”

(Honestly, the little bit of flirting is at this point half an inside joke, after the one time they legitimately forgot to switch channels, and half a way to quickly gauge how serious the situation actually is.)

(Plus, it’s fun. They like flirting.)

“Thirty seconds,” Sabine cuts in.

“Right,” Zeb says. “I’m headed to your position. ETA two minutes.”

“Copy. Fulcrum out.”

Two minutes, under these conditions, is a long, long time.

But, right on cue, thirty seconds later, there is a magnificent explosion, which gives them some breathing room, and then Sabine slides down the wall to land next to him.

“Not my best work,” she says critically, watching the cloud on the horizon, “but it’ll clear a path. Hi,” she adds, for Lavinia’s benefit.

“Hi,” she says, softly.

“...she doesn’t have a blaster,” Sabine says, turning almost accusingly to Kallus.

“Because I’ve never had one before,” Lavinia answers for him. “And this really doesn’t seem the time or place to learn.”

“Well, we’ll fix that later,” Sabine says.

“All right,” Lavinia says, then ducks down as Sabine positions herself better to start shooting back.

The next ninety seconds go much quicker, and then comes the welcome sound of the Phantom’s engines on approach.

It’ll have to be a quick exit, and for a split second, Kallus wonders about getting Lavinia up the ramp fast enough without Zeb actually landing--

But then he sees that Sabine has her jetpack.

(He has never been so pleased to see it in his life.)

“Take her,” he says, once the shuttle is in sight. “I’ll cover you.”

Sabine catches his drift right away, and nods. “Hold on,” she tells Lavinia, who blinks, but does.

And then they’re off.

Kallus just keeps firing at the troopers until, based on the noise it’s making, he judges that the Phantom is close enough that he can make the jump.

He’s--almost right.

He comes within half an inch of missing, then Lavinia’s hands shoot out and grab one of his wrists; Sabine grabs the other and the girls haul him on board.

“We’re good, Zeb, go!” Sabine shouts, while Lavinia drags Kallus the rest of the way in and slams the hatch shut.

We did it.

He takes a minute to catch his breath--he knows it isn’t really over; there’s still a great deal of work to do once they get back to the Ghost and then to the fleet proper.

But for now--they’re all alive, they’re all safe, they’re all at least as intact as they were when they got to Ixaly; the extraction was successful.

Kallus decides to let the rest of the problems wait, and take the win.

He picks himself up and heads to the cockpit, to give Zeb a quick hug and send word to Kanan and the others.

For all the drama and the worry when it started, today turned out to be a very good day.

And I think that’s a good stopping point, don’t you? There is definitely more, featuring (in no particular order) the worlds most #Awkward Road Trip; Kanan and Lavinia meeting; Kanan and Luke finally meeting; Zeb and Kallus adopting a kid or three; Lando; Jacen being precious; and so much more.

But, uh, see all my notes above about “how long is this thing now?!”

(And, again this isn’t even fulltext.)

(This is just the outline.)

...so, uh, yeah, if you made it this far, thank you and I hope you enjoyed my Self-Indulgent BS(tm). <333333333

#shadowsong26fic #shadowsong writes star wars #shadowsong writes self-indulgent bs #au outlines for the win #tigerkat24

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mackinmacki · 7 years ago

Text

Rock Me Ama-Dia-Us

Rating: K+

Word Count: 6235

Pairings: DiaMari, KanaRuby (mentioned)

Summary: Dia finds herself annoyingly fascinated by the punkish Mari. There might be something mutual going on there, though. Kanan is no help whatsoever.

Notes: Happy birthday, @diayase! I hope you like this, and that it also posts on time :))

Links: (FFN) | (AO3)

It was hard not to notice Ohara Mari on campus. She stood out like a sore thumb with her bright blonde hair and the pentagram hanging around her neck. No one else looked so apologetically edgy, which was Dia's best guess as to why she was so curious about her. It certainly couldn't have been because she was attracted to her, because there was no way in Hell that was the case. She wasn't interested in the weird loop in her hair, or the studs in her nose. The band name - or at least what she assumed was a band name - on her t-shirt was absolutely illegible. She just kept seeing her on campus, that's all. Why would she be interested in someone like that?

"Maybe you're attracted to bad girls?" Like usual, Kanan was no help at all. Dia frowned and crossed her arms, giving Kanan the stare. It was the classic Kurosawa look that let someone know that they had messed up. Kanan had seen it enough times that it didn't even phase her anymore. Sure, she'd been scared of Dia when they were kids - something she was loathe to admit - but they were at university now. She was over Dia's stubbornness. "Don't look at me like that. You have to admit that it's at least a possibility."

"I will admit nothing." It was a thought Dia refused to entertain. She was a good girl. A prim and proper heir to the Kurosawa estate. She wouldn't dare sully her family name by even considering that she wanted to get closer to the strange girl with a skull tattoo on her arm. That was a cliche rebel girl thing to do anyway. If she was going to act like that, she could at least be more original. "You know me, Kanan. I'm not that type of person."

"Well, I know you had a crush on the Hex Girls when we were kids. So maybe that should've tipped you off." Dia felt her face heat up as she glared at Kanan with all her might. Kanan was still unmoved. "Oh yeah, and you were really into that one blonde idol from Tokyo, right? Maybe you're into blondes too. They do say blondes have more fun."

"That is not the kind of fun I'm interested in having!" Why couldn't Kanan understand that she was a hundred percent wrong? Just because she stared at someone didn't mean she liked them. Her stares were of a disgusted nature. She could never see herself being with someone like that. That Mari... She probably spent her free time drinking copious amounts of alcohol and smoking marijuana. Didn't she realize how quickly someone could die from just one marijuana needle? "Why are you even talking about her so much, Kanan?"

"Me? You're the one who was staring at her like she was a piece of idol merchandise." Once again, Kanan had to defend herself from Dia's spurious accusations. This wouldn't be happening if she wasn't so damn obvious about who she was ogling. "Look, you don't have to get yourself in a twist over this. It's not a big deal. Maybe you just like big breasts."

"Wh-What?!" This was even more embarrassing to hear than her having been attracted to cartoon characters at one point, and never ever again she swears. Did Kanan have to be so casual about that?

"You know, breasts." Kanan pointed at her own ample chest. "Boobs, melons, bazongas-"

"I know what breasts are, Kanan!" She hid her rapidly reddening face in her hands. "And please don't call them any of those other things."

"What about honkers?"

"No! Stop talking about breasts!"

"Aww, but I just got here!" The unfamiliar voice made Dia shriek and fall from her seat, landing ungracefully on the ground below. Groaning, she sat back up and looked up into the grinning face of Mari. She now regretted going to this university. "Please, start from the beginning. I'm all ears."

"Well, I was saying that Dia-"

"KANAN, SHUT UP!" A few students glanced over at the shouting, further embarrassing Dia. If she had the chance to look in the mirror, she was sure that she was red to the tips of her ears and down her neck. This was not supposed to be happening. How had their conversation become so public that Mari of all people had sidled up to join in? She wanted to stand up tall and tell Mari to mind her own ruffian business, but for some reason she found herself getting lost in Mari's eyes. This was not happening. She was not falling for someone like Mari. "It's not polite to eavesdrop, you know."

"I know." Smiling, Mari sat down where Dia had been sitting just moments before. So not only did she have no compunction about eavesdropping, she was totally okay with taking others' seats as well. She truly was a ne'er-do-well. "It's just as impolite as staring at someone, right?" Dia couldn't argue with that, but she wasn't going to admit that Mari was directly referencing her. So she folded her arms and looked away. "Are you going to stay down there, cutie, or are you going to come sit on my lap?"

"I beg your pardon?!" Dia shot up like a rocket, giving Mari the famous - or was it infamous? - Kurosawa glare. "I am not sitting on your lap!"

"What about mine?" Kanan chimed in.

"No! Nobody's lap is getting sat on!" She walked around both of them and sat next to Kanan, crossing one leg over the other and glaring at both of them.

"Then why even wake up in the morning?" Mari giggled, already enjoying teasing Dia. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Unless you change your mind." Dia kept glaring at her. "Okay, maybe not. I'm Mari, by the way!" She flashed them both a big smile, her teeth shining white. Kanan smiled back, while Dia just scowled.

"We know. Your reputation proceeds you. I'm Kanan, and the ray of sunshine here is Dia." Her smile turned into a playful smirk as she placed a hand on Dia's shoulder. "She's not always like this. You just caught her at a bad time."

"Was that bad time talking about breasts?"

"Basically, yeah."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" This was completely unacceptable. How did this even happen? If only she hadn't accidentally glanced at Mari for just a moment, or if Kanan hadn't noticed. Then she wouldn't be the butt of their jokes right now. It was embarrassing, and she didn't like it one bit. "And you're wrong on all counts. I am in a fine mood, thank you very much."

"Aww, you're just being grumpy." Kanan giggled at Dia's absolutely offended expression, playfully rubbing her shoulder. "She just needs a hug and she'll be good as new."

"Oh?" Mari stood up from her seat and approached Dia, who tried to scoot back with suddenly-wide eyes.

"No, that's not true at all. I do not need a hug. I'm not grumpy, dammit!" She couldn't really back up without falling off her seat again, leaving her no escape as Mari descended upon her. Mari nearly tackled her off of her seat anyway, wrapping her up in a tight grip with a smile that was strangely cat-like in nature. "Mari!"

"Ooh, you're warm!" Mari smiled and kept hugging Dia, who was seemingly powerless to resist. She didn't like the implication that came with her having not shoved Mari off of her and flat on her back. Mari was pretty warm too, and her hug made Dia feel strange. She could smell a hint of lemon in her hair, which looked surprisingly well taken care of from up close. Even being this close, though, she couldn't read what was on her shirt. "You sure like staring at my breasts, don't you?"

"I was not!" She was sure that her face would be permanently red with the way things were going. "I was just trying to look at the strange symbol on your shirt. It's completely illegible."

"Oh!" Excitement fluttered in her eyes as Mari jumped back and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it forward to proudly it off. "It's Cattle Decapitation!" Both Dia and Kanan stared at her.

"Excuse me?" "Say what?"

"Cattle Decapitation!" Mari said it again, letting her shirt flutter down. "They're from America! I'll play you some of their music!" Before either of them could protest, Mari sat herself down on both of their laps, straddling their legs as she pulled out her phone. "Here we go!" She pushed her finger against her phone, bringing up an album track list. Dia looked down at the phone, noting that all the titles were in English. The one that Mari hit said 'Your Disposal', and then some of the foulest-sounding noise came out of her speakers, sending both Dia and Kanan reeling back.

It sounded like total distortion, combined with someone kicking a drum repeatedly. The vocals - or what Dia could only assume were vocals - may have been in English, but there was no way to tell. She wanted to cover her ears, but she also didn't want to seem rude. Looking over at Kanan, she could tell that she felt the same way. On the other hand, Mari was having a blast, smiling from ear to ear and tapping her feet on the ground with rapid-fire movements.

When the song finally ended, she turned towards the two of them with wide, bright eyes, smiling all the while. "That was great, right? Oh, you're speechless!" Well, that wasn't wrong. "You should both come check out my band! We're gonna practice this evening in the music hall!" Dia wasn't surprised a ruffian like Mari would be in a band that played such horrendous sounds. She certainly didn't want to spend an evening listening to that headache-inducing noise, even if for some reason she felt a strange curiosity to watch Mari outside of normal school confines. Before she could say she had other plans, Kanan ended up answering for her.

"Ahh, I can't. I've got a lot of work to do today. But I know Dia is free, and she'd love to come watch your band." Mari had started to pout when Kanan declined, but lit up again when Dia agreed to go against her will. For her part, Dia glared at Kanan, who just smiled serenely. Why was she like this? Kanan was so going to get a stern talking to that night.

"Great!" She spoke in English, surprising Dia with another hug before jumping back on her feet and bounding away. "Music hall, room six, 18:30! See ya later, Dia!" Dia was left with no idea what to feel. Mari was so weird and uncouth, with a casual manner of speaking and no respect for personal boundaries. She was also very warm, though. Even though she didn't need any hugs and would never want that ever. She was not going to admit that she felt good being in Mari's arms.

"So you're going to text me if you bring her home, right? She seems like she'd be pretty loud."

"Kanan, they will find your body in the river, and they will never connect it to me. I will claim that you didn't come home tonight, and that I haven't seen you since this moment. Not even Ruby will be able to save you from your untimely demise."

"Can I at least shower before my untimely demise?"

"No."

It wouldn't have been a big deal if she didn't show up to Mari's band practice. She could just say she ended up having work that couldn't be put aside, or that she was feeling under the weather. For whatever reason, she didn't use these excuses. Instead, she found herself walking towards room six in the music hall, something she was sure she didn't want to do. So why was she doing it?

There was something about Mari that repulsed her, freaked her out, and drew her in all at the same time. She'd never spent any time around someone like Mari. Her life had always been being around older people who were very formal. It had made her become that kind of person, which wasn't so bad. Social anxiety had hit her like a ton of bricks during grade school, and Kanan had ended up being the only friend she'd really made. Everyone else seemed more like a classmate or a subordinate. It made things easier. If they were closer to her, she knew that she'd mess it up.

The fact that she was going to check out this band practice at all made her nervous. There was no reason to go to something like that unless she was friends with them, but there was no way she was friends with Mari. They'd barely ever spoken in the history of their dual existence, and none of their conversations could be deemed pleasant. Maybe she was having some sort of reality breakdown, since there was no healthy reason why she was doing this.

Outside of the door to room six, she hesitated, not committing herself to opening the door. It felt weird to just barge in there, even if she had been invited. She didn't want to go. She didn't want anything to do with Mari. That wasn't the kind of person she hung out with. Yet there she was, standing outside the door to where Mari was, feeling like she was intruding. Why was that even a concern? Mari was the one who had intruded into her personal space! Why was even thinking about Mari making her nervous?

She was overthinking this. All she needed to do was go inside, because she was invited, and watch Mari's band practice. Then she could go home and never think about Mari again. That was as good a plan as any. Feeling more confident now, Dia grabbed the door handle and flung the door open, stepping in and then nearly being knocked off her feet by a wall of sound. Maybe she should've brought earplugs.

The walls must've been soundproofed. That would explain why she didn't hear anything until she opened the door. Now she was being 'greeted' by noise that was five times as loud as what had been coming through those phone speakers, but it also wasn't as punishing. It seemed to have more of a noticeable rhythm, or at least Dia thought there was. At least it wasn't as bad as before.

There were three other members of the band besides Mari. A scrawny-looking girl with dark blue hair was holding a microphone in her hand, a girl with red hair was sitting at a large grand piano, and a girl with brownish-gray hair was behind a drum kit. They were all playing or singing, but Dia's attention was immediately captured by Mari. She had a guitar strapped around her, and her fingers were flying across the fret board as she played. It was amazing how she could keep her focus on playing all those chords. There was quite a difference between that and Dia's own musical background: the yamatogoto.

Dia's entrance quickly brought a stop to the music, as all four of them turned to look at her. This made her feel self-conscious all over again, but she forced herself to stand tall. She had every right to be there, and it would be for only one time. Still, she didn't know what to say to break the sudden silence. Luckily - or unluckily: she wasn't sure - Mari broke it for her.

"Dia! You made it!" Putting down her guitar, Mari rushed over and wrapped Dia up in a tight hug. What was more embarrassing than being hugged was the suggestive looks the vocalist and drummer were giving her. She made herself wriggle out of Mari's grasp, crossing her arms and glaring at Mari. "Ooh, scary. You should be the bouncer for our next show!"

"I am not doing that." Dia sighed and let her shoulders slump, softening her gaze slightly. "Well, I'm here. Are you going to keep practicing?"

"No no, not yet! I have to introduce you to the band!" Grabbing Dia's hand, Mari yanked her over to the other musicians, who were still staring at her. She felt way too awkward under their curious stares. "So on vocals we have Yoshiko-"

"Yohane!"

"Right right, Yohane. The three of us sing..." She pointed at herself, Yoshiko/Yohane, and the redhead. "... but she's our main singer. She's got quite the voice!" Cackling, Yohane struck a pose, her voice taking on a deep, huskier tone.

"The voice of a fallen angel such as myself can convert even the most pious into my army of little demons. Shall you be the next to join?" She stuck her hand out towards Dia, who frowned and took a step back. This Yohane was definitely a weird one.

"Uh, no thank you..." Mari then led her over to the piano, where the redhead suddenly looked away shyly. What was this? Dia was supposed to be the one who felt uncomfortable. This girl was taking her mood.

"And this is Riko! Our resident piano player and dog hater."

"I-I don't hate dogs!" She spouted out suddenly, facing the two of them with a blush. "I just... don't feel comfortable around them." She glanced at Dia specifically, able to hold eye contact long enough to give her a shy smile. "It's nice to meet you, Dia." Well, at least Riko seemed less crazy than Mari and Yoshiko. Dia smiled back at her and nodded.

"Likewise." Finally she was led around the drum kit, where the girl sitting there saluted at her.

"And I'm You! I drum for them so they don't have to use a drum machine."

"Isn't she a darling?" Mari giggled, then turned Dia around to face her. "And now, for the main event. The guitarist, lyricist, and creator of Guilty Kiss: me! Mari!" She stuck out her arms in dramatic fashion, making quiet, fake cheering sounds with her mouth. Behind them, Yohane rolled her eyes.

"And she says I'm the dramatic one..."

"So, are you ready to hear us play?" Mari was bouncing up and down with excitement, but there was still one concern Dia had.

"You don't happen to have any earplugs, do you? Not that I... don't want to hear you play, but it's very loud."

"Sure!" It was You who answered, reaching into the backpack at her feet and offering a pair of earplugs. "I always keep a spare in case I lose mine." Well that was convenient. Dia took the earplugs with a 'thank you', then let Mari lead her to a chair. She sat down and put in the earplugs, watching as Mari went back to pick up her guitar and sling it over her shoulders.

Mari was pretty attractive. Dia hadn't really noticed it before, or had pretended not to, but she was. Even the tattoos and piercings gave her a sort of 'rebel cool' look, something that Dia hadn't really seen before as being good looking. It just worked on Mari, though. She made these things look flawless, like she wasn't even trying. She could just stand there and rock out in a t-shirt and a skirt, which she was, and Dia would still think these things. Which she really needed to stop doing...

"Alright, count us off, You!"

"Aye aye! Three, two one!" She clacked her drumsticks together, then had them come down against the snare drum. Mari came in next with the guitar, and soon Dia was watching the entire band come together in a melding of metal music. It was somewhat different than the music Mari had shown her earlier: it had a kind of industrial sound to it. It was actually kind of good. Not really her style of music, but she didn't recoil from it instantly, so that was an improvement.

When they finished the song, Dia wasn't sure what to do. Was clapping appropriate? It was just a practice, after all, but they were certainly putting their all into it. She settled for saying something instead. "That was very nice. You all are quite skilled with your instruments."

"Aww, that's the most formal compliment I've ever gotten!" Mari laughed and looked back at the others. "Alright you three, let's play Strawberry Trapper now!" Dia didn't know how long they were going to practice, or how long she was supposed to stay before it was okay to get up and leave. It would certainly have to be between songs, since it'd be rude to leave without saying goodbye. There was a part of her that didn't want to leave, though. For some reason, she was fascinated with the music being played. Well, maybe not the music generally, but Mari specifically. Though she tried to just lean back and let the music flow over her, she found her eyes never leaving Mari for longer than a few seconds. It was as if Mari had cast some kind of spell on her, which made her unable to break away.

She ended up staying for the entire practice, time passing without her really realizing it. It was interesting the things she learned while just watching those four in their musical environment. For some reason, Yohane would always stare at the wall when she sang, though Dia supposed that was because she was pretending it was the audience. Dia was an audience, though. Why not look at her? She also noticed that Riko would keep sneaking glances at Yohane, which was surprising. Riko seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. Why would she be looking like that at someone as weird as Yohane? Then again, what was she doing looking at Mari? Maybe none of them had their heads on straight.

"Good practice, everyone!" Mari grabbed her guitar case and put her guitar in it while the others started to pack it up. It seemed that the piano, drums, and microphone were all owned by the school, since nobody was trying to lug them out of the room. "We're gonna do great at the concert next week!" You and Yohane pumped their fists at that, followed by Riko with a more tentative fist. "That's the spirit, Riko!"

Dia stood up and walked over to them, addressing her words to the group as a whole, though maybe to Mari a bit more than the rest. "Well, that was very well played, you four. I hope you do well at your concert. It's gotten rather late, though, so I should be heading back to my dorm."

"Okay. Thank you for watching us practice!" Once again she gave Dia a big hug, though this time Dia didn't try to worm out of it. She was still very warm, and she gave the kind of hugs Dia suspected were good for when one was being drowned in stress. She even gave Mari a stiff hug in return, which seemed to surprise Mari by the way her body tensed. Then it loosened up again and she gave Dia a big smile. "You're gonna come to our concert, right?"

"Well, I..." Going seemed more appealing than it had when she'd first stepped into the music room, but barely. She probably had school work to do anyway. "I guess I could make time for it." Dammit, what was she saying?

"Yay!" Mari hugged her again, happiness evident all over her face. "It's next Saturday at 20:00 in the student center! Don't be late! I may even be able to get you backstage." She winked at Dia, who blushed and grumbled about needing to go. Waving to the others, she left the music room with a very conflicted mind. She really didn't know Mari, and she could be a hassle and a half. She had no idea what personal space was or how to dress properly. Why did she agree to go to the concert, then? Why did she have this desire to go somewhere and just be with her for awhile?

Wait, did that mean she wanted to go on a date with Mari?!

"If you say anything, I swear I will end your existence."

"Come on, Dia. Why do you always do this?" Kanan rolled her eyes as she laid out on the couch, taking up all the room because Dia was too busy burning a hole in their carpet with her pacing. "You have some preconceived notion about something, and you let it color your perception even after it's proven otherwise. Why can't you just ask her out on a date? It's obvious you want to."

"Kanan, you've been on thin ice ever since you started dating my sister. Do you really want to risk running across it?" She really, really hated it when Kanan was right. Ever since they were kids, it'd always seemed like Dia was right about everything, and Kanan just went along for the ride. Now that Kanan was the one speaking reason, Dia really didn't like this switcheroo.

"You know why I'm dating your sister? Because I decided to go for it even though I knew you'd probably bury me under the fishing docks." She straightened and stood up, grabbing Dia's shoulders to stop her from pacing. "You're keeping yourself from potential relationships, Dia." Dia sighed and bit her lower lip, looking down at the floor.

"I know... I can't just ask her on a date, though! What am I supposed to say? I barely even know her. There's no good reason for me to ask her out or even be around her."

"You don't need a reason to ask someone out on a date. Just say that you think she's an interesting person, and you want to try and get to know her better. If it works, then great! If it doesn't, then there's no harm in at least trying." Kanan wasn't supposed to be making this much sense. It wasn't fair.

"What if I can't keep up with her? She's so... out there. So much energy. I'm not like that."

"You've kept up with me all this time. Remember when I ran away from home because I was gonna live with the dolphins? You were the one who stopped me from doing that."

"You did do a lot of dumb stuff as a kid."

"I-I don't think that's true..." Kanan blushed and looked away, getting a giggle out of Dia. Well, at least there was a silver lining there. "The point is, if anyone can keep up with crazy ideas, it's you. If you want to go out with her, then you should ask. Would it make you feel better if I went with you? I'd be by your side the entire time." Dia thought about it, then nodded meekly. Kanan smiled and pulled Dia into a hug. "It's gonna be fine, Dia. I promise."

"If you say so... I guess I won't end your existence yet, then."

"Ah yes, very comforting as always."

The concert was a pretty popular event. It nearly filled the student center as friends, metalheads, and curious listeners filed in to check out Guilty Kiss. Dia and Kanan had gotten there early so that Dia could stress about it for a bit, which allowed them to stand near the front. There was already a piano and two microphone stands on stage, though the only band member visible was You, who was setting up the drum kit. The others must've been waiting for the official starting time.

Soon enough, the other three got on stage, with Mari holding her guitar like it was her precious baby. Everybody filtered towards their positions, with Yohane grabbing the mic and taking it off of the stand. "Ah, what a hellacious night! Packed to the brim with my little demons! Of course, you're all here to support the fallen angel Yohane, aren't you?" A couple of people clapped, but most people just looked confused. Mari sidled over and leaned into the mic.

"In Japanese, she's asking if you all are ready to rock." That got a better reaction, as more people clapped and cheered. Yohane just pouted and yanked the mic away from Mari. You laughed behind them, and even Riko giggled softly. Before any potential arguing could occur, You stuck her drum sticks up high and clacked them together. Then she brought them down, and the music began.

She recognized the opening song. It was the second song they'd played at practice: Strawberry Trapper. Dia smiled slightly when she remembered watching them practice, hearing the crowd's cheering mixing in with the industrial sounds and Yohane's smooth voice.

I found you! Your eyes looked lonely Your heartbeat's calling out, saying "take me into your hands" Feeling so much heat but calm on the outside, I can enjoy that Hold down those growing feelings

She glanced over to her right, only to find Kanan staring at her. "Eh? Kanan?" The music was loud enough that she might as well have just mouthed the words. Kanan tried to respond, but realized she wasn't getting anywhere, so she leaned in and spoke directly into Dia's ear.

"I think this song is supposed to be about you."

"Eh?! Why would it be about me?"

"You heard those lyrics, right? Lonely eyes, calm on the outside? Sounds just like you." Dia frowned and looked away from Kanan, back towards the stage. There was no way those lyrics were about her. Yes, Mari was the lyricist, but they'd never really interacted beyond random annoying encounters. It had been that way until the day she watched them practice, and they'd played the song then. There was no way. She did notice that Mari seemed to be staring directly at her as she sang, though...

Quietly, collecting information about you Certainly, there's value in a sensitive mind Stepping up in the background, the thrill is unbearable Because once I've chosen my target, you can't run away. You can't run away, my target!!

Kanan had to be mistaken, right? There was no way that Mari had been watching Dia since they'd first encountered each other. She would've noticed, considering how often she'd been watching Mari. ...That didn't sound as good as she hoped it would. Having Mari's stare on her, she felt her body heating up. Why didn't she start looking at the rest of the audience?

Stupid Kanan and her stupid theories. It made Dia analyse all the lyrics, which made her feel self-centered. There was no way Kanan was right. Those lyrics must've been written generically some time ago. Mari would've had no reason to write about her. They'd barely interacted!

To you, who loves quiet and solitude I'm firing an undeniable brilliant light I want to make you mine before you can realize

She was going to kill Kanan after the concert for making her think these ridiculous thoughts. At least it was a nice concert, all strange thoughts aside. Most people seemed to enjoy it, and cheered loudly after each song. Dia found herself clapping as well, louder as each song came and went. The music wasn't so bad the longer she listened to it, and it was clear they all were very skilled at what they did. Her eyes kept wandering back to Mari, though...

When the concert was over, and all the cheering had finally died off, Dia and Kanan found themselves whisked backstage by Mari, who was clearly hyped up on adrenaline. Everybody seemed to be affected as well, though. Even Riko seemed excited, her fingers occasionally still moving like she was playing the piano.

"So? What'd you think? Did you like it? Huh?" Mari's eyes eagerly moved from Dia to Kanan, awaiting their opinions. Kanan glanced over at Dia, giving her the go-ahead to say something.

"I... I thought it was great. You all played really well." She smiled, hoping that it looked as genuine as it felt. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Of course! We were happy to have the inspiration herself attending our concert!" You's words confused Dia, who just stared at her with a blank expression. Mari turned to stare at You too, though Dia couldn't see what kind of expression she was making. Whatever it was, it made You shrink back with a guilty smile. "Ahaha, glad you could make it!"

"C'mon, let's take a walk, Dia. I want to burn off this energy." Smiling sweetly, Mari packed her guitar up and slung it across her back, grabbing Dia's hand and pulling her out of the student center. She looked back at Kanan with a panicked expression, but she just got a thumbs up in return. Okay, Kanan was back on thin ice again. "I'm really glad you made it, Dia. I really was hoping that you'd come."

"Well, I said I would, didn't I?" Dia was a bit flustered, not having expected to hear that. It made her feel warm again, though. "It was fun, though. You're really good with the guitar."

"Well, I've been playing it since I was seven." She beamed brightly, slinging an arm over Dia's shoulders, which Dia surprisingly didn't immediately shrug off. "I wanted to ask you something back when we'd finished practicing, but I figured tonight would be the better time to ask."

"Oh? Well, I... I wanted to ask you something as well." Now that the time to ask her do or die question was upon her, Dia was back to feeling nervous. She couldn't seem to fully fish out the necessary confidence from her well of positive emotions. This wasn't going to bode well.

"Why don't you ask first?" Mari stopped and grinned at her. "You seem like you're dying to ask me something."

"A-As if!" Dia crossed her arms and looked away, now no longer wanting to ask first. "Why don't you ask first, since you've been waiting for over a week?" Hypocrite that she was, since she had wanted to ask her own question for about that long. There was silence, which confused Dia. She turned back to look at a suddenly contemplative Mari. "Mari?"

"How's your love life? Hot or cold? You can tell me. I won't judge." Back to grinning, Mari put her arm around Dia's shoulder again and pulled the blushing girl closer.

"That's... That's private, don't you think?"

"I'm serious, Dia." The grin vanished once more, and she could see the seriousness in Mari's eyes. "Are you dating anyone?" Dia gulped, feeling put on the spot.

"For... For your information, I'm not dating anyone. That's all I'm telling you, though." That simple answer seemed to put the pep back in Mari's step, who grabbed one of Dia's hands and squeezed it.

"Then I want to ask you out!" There was such earnestness in her eyes, it made Dia freeze on the spot. "I know I must not be the kind of girl you hang around with that often, but I think you're really cool! It's been fun actually having you watch my band play, and I want to keep having you hang out with us. Me specifically, of course." Dia's eyes were wide the whole time, but then she squeezed Mari's hand back, smiling softly.

"I... I would like that, Mari. To be honest, I was going to ask you the same thing."

"Really?!" Mari gaped as Dia nodded, trying to hold eye contact but ending up just staring at the floor. Her excitement could practically be heard as she hugged Dia and lifted her in the air. "So exciting!"

"H-Hey, put me down! Mari!" She had to endure being held in the air for a few more seconds before Mari finally put her down, a silly grin on her face. Mari grabbed Dia's hand again, but there was definitely a different aura around it now. It was a nice aura, though.

"We should get back to the others. I wanna start planning our date!" Mari's excitement was contagious, and Dia felt herself feeding off that happiness as they started walking back to the student center hand in hand.

"I hope this doesn't sound self-centered, but the lyrics to Strawberry Trapper... Were they written about someone in particular?" When she looked at Mari while waiting for a response, she was surprised to find Mari blushing. Could Kanan have been right?

"They were written about someone who really fascinated me, but I never really got a chance to talk to them that much." She turned to Dia, smiling warmly. "But they kinda mean a lot to me." Dia smiled back, feeling that same warmth flooding her body. The kind of warmth she was starting to associate with Mari.

"Well, I'm sure they're very flattered." Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. It didn't matter what kind of lifestyle Mari led. She was a teaser, yes, but she was also friendly and full of energy. Plus she was a very warm hugger. Maybe Dia needed someone like that in her life. "Any girl would be happy to have a song written about them."

"Are you happy?" Dia caught the hope in Mari's eyes, and she found that as she held her hand, the truth came out easily.

"Yes. I'm very happy." They both kept holding each other's hands, sharing smiles the rest of the way back to the student center.

#love live! sunshine #DiaMari #kurosawa dia #matsuura kanan #ohara mari #sakurauchi riko #watanabe you #tsushima yoshiko #my writing #I do really like Your Disposal

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dimensiontripperhibiki · 7 years ago

Text

A Name In The Wind (17/?)

REPOSTED BECAUSE THERE WAS AN ISSUE WITH THE LAST POST.

Here’s the next chapter, I hope you guys enjoy! Warning(s): Angst, medical triggers, character death.

Chika was feeling a little bit more optimistic as she made her was down the hallway at school. She was more hopeful now that she had an actual plan to try to save Honoka and had people willing to help her. The hard part was yet to come, she knew, but things were looking brighter. She noticed the door to the classroom ahead open but she didn’t think anything of it until a hand reached out and grabbed her arm, quickly yanking her inside. She yelped automatically just before she caught sight of You, closing the door. “You-chan…?” “I’m screwed.” You said in a panic. “I’m totally totally screwed, Chika-chan!” “Eh?!” Chika shook her head in confusion. “Wait...what’s going on? Did something happen? Did you have a fight with Riko-chan?” “No! Wait...why would I fight with Riko-chan?” You frowned at the question.

“I don’t know, I just figured…” Chika’s eyes widened suddenly in realization. “Did Kanan-chan say something to you? I didn’t plan to tell her you watched us have sex, it just came out. She didn’t seem angry at the time.” “You TOLD HER?!” You exclaimed in shock. “Ugh. It’s not that, okay?!” Chika frowned. “Then what is it?” “I made out with someone.” You frantically wrung her hands in front of her as she looked past Chika, nervous of Dia finding her. “A-And I gave her a hickey! I didn’t think and I’m SO DEAD!” “You-chan, I don’t under-” “RUBY!” “Oh!” Chika suddenly realized what was going on. “Shit. Dia-san...You’re so dead, You-chan.” “I know, HIDE ME!” You pleaded with Chika. She grasped Chika’s hands tightly. “Dia-san is going to notice and she’s going to lose it! You have to help me, Chika-chan!” “Oh my gawd…” You’s eyed widened at the sound of Mari’s voice. She wasn’t in the room though, she was in the next it seemed. “Mari-san, what are…?” Dia’s voice followed, taut with confusion. “IS THAT A HICKEY?!” You stayed quiet, waiting for Ruby’s reply. “Yes.” Ruby sounded blunt but embarrassed and You winced to herself. “Ruby-chan is so mature, zura!” Hanamaru piped up enthusiastically. “YOHANE IS JEALOUS! SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE FALLEN ANGEL!” “Hide, You-chan.” Chika whispered, grasping You’s hand. She led her quickly over to the closet and pushed her inside. Just as she stepped away from it the door burst open and Dia stepped inside with Mari, Hanamaru, Ruby and Yoshiko behind her. “D-Dia-san!” “Is You-san in here?” Dia asked, looking around in search of You. “I thought I saw her come in earlier.” “Ah..no. I mean yes. She did come in.” Chika tried to casually lean against one of the desks. “But she left. It’s just me here now. Do you need her for something?” “I NEED TO…” Dia trailed off for a moment and gritted her teeth. “Talk to her. I just want to talk.” “Um...it doesn’t really seem like that.” Chika said with a nervous laugh. “But she’s not here. Maybe she’s on the roof? Or maybe she left already.” “Ruby, stop smirking and straighten your collar.” Mari chirped, noticing Dia looking at Ruby out of the corner of her eye. “Here, let me do it.” Dia breathed a sigh of relief as Mari straightened Ruby’s collar up, concealing the mark on her neck. She paused after, realizing it wasn’t very like Mari to go out of her way to do that. Usually she would just tease her. Chika was giving Mari a strange look too, confused by how responsible she was suddenly acting. “Um...yeah, as I was saying, You-chan isn’t here now. Can I help you with anything?” Dia growled under her breath. “No, you can’t. Wait...you can tell her that she shouldn’t be pursuing girls who are younger than her. Ruby is much too innocent.” “Uh...Ruby-chan is only a year…” Chika trailed off at the angry look on Dia’s face. Dia could be fairly scary at times. She put a desk between them before she continued. “Maybe if You-chan was Kanan-chan’s age I would tell her that but like I said before, maybe you should focus on keeping your sister’s hormones in check. You-chan has a hickey on her neck too. And one on her collar. I just didn’t want to tell her I saw them.” “RUBY!” Dia gasped, turning to her smug looking younger sister. Ruby suddenly didn’t look very smug. “H-Hanamaru-chan, class is starting, let’s go!” “DON’T LEAVE YOHANE BEHIND!” Yoshiko exclaimed as the two rushed from the room. She quickly followed them. Chika laughed nervously, realizing only Dia and Mari were left. “You’re not gonna kill me now that we’re alone, right?” Dia scoffed. “Tell You-san I’m looking for her.” With that she turned and walked from the room with Mari. The door closed and Chika breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly the closet door opened and You hurried across the room, throwing her arms around Chika. “Thank you!” You exclaimed gratefully. “You’re the best friend ever.” “Yeah, yeah.” Chika grumbled, rolling her eyes as You pulled back. “Maybe don’t leave hickeys where Dia-san can see them. Kanan-chan likes to leave them on my…” “Stop!” You held her hands up, effectively cutting Chika off. “I don’t need to hear that and I’m not d-doing it with Ruby-chan!” “You’re not? Oh...I guess that’s a good thing. Dia-san might actually kill you.” Chika thought, looking You over. “And then I guess Mari-chan would help her hide the body…” “HEY!” You exclaimed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Don’t tell me that! I’m freaking out enough already. What am I going to do?” Chika shrugged. “I guess you’ll have to talk to Dia-san eventually.” You groaned. “I was worried you would say that…”

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Honoka stared at the computer screen, tears streaking their way down her cheeks. The organizers of Love Live wanted to send them to America so they could hold a third competition in Akiba Dome. But she wouldn’t be able to go. She would have to get her parents permission and with everything that was happening, she wasn’t sure they could give it. Hanayo was sympathetically rubbing her back, having been the one to show Honoka the invitation. She had chosen to do it quietly without telling the rest of Muse first. The door opening drew her attention to it and Eli appeared in the doorway, the rest of Muse behind her. “Eli-senpai…” Concerned, Eli entered the room and made her way over to Honoka. Hanayo, who had sent out a quick text to Eli when Honoka hadn’t stopped crying, vacated her seat for the older girl, letting her sit down. Eli drew Honoka into her arms and looked up at Hanayo. “What happened?” “Muse received an invitation. Or a request, rather.” Hanayo pointed at the computer screen. Quickly the rest of Muse gathered around Honoka and Eli, leaning down to read what was on the screen. “America?” Kotori asked in disbelief, stunned by the news. “They want us to go.” “To raise publicity…” Nico read from the screen. Slowly, she straightened up and glanced toward Maki. “Can Honoka even go like…” She hesitated, looking at Honoka. “With her condition?” “I wouldn’t want to risk that if I was her doctor.” Maki said softly, staring sympathetically at Honoka. “Her parents would never say yes anyway. If she went she would need to use steroids if she was going to dance. And what if something happened and we needed a hospital? There’s a communication barrier, not to mention…” “I can speak English fluently. As well as French and Japanese.” Nozomi pointed out quietly. “We would be fine.” “You could help out with the steroids and stuff, right Maki-chan?” Kotori asked hopefully, grasping Maki’s hand. “I mean you could help her inject them if she can’t do it herself. Your dad could show you maybe.” “Maybe but her doctor might advise her not to fly.” Maki reasoned uncomfortable. “If she’s at risk for increased swelling in her brain.” “It’s worth a try though, isn’t it?” Umi asked quietly, her hand on Honoka’s shoulder. “You too, Umi?” Maki asked in surprise. She would have thought Umi would be completely against it “Fine. We can try. But if we do get to go you can’t abuse your medication, Honoka.” “I-I won’t!” Honoka sniffled, looking up from Eli’s shoulder. “I promise.” “I’ll give it to Eli and let her be in charge of it.” Maki said with a sigh. “You two will have to share a room together. With Nico.” “Huh?” Nico looked up sharply. “Why?” “No funny business.” Maki answered though she was staring right at Eli and Honoka. “I’m serious about that.” “Then you’re all going to be in different rooms. NOT with your girlfriends.” Nico cut in, crossing her arms in front of her. “Fine.” Maki grumbled. She couldn’t deny that, she supposed. It was fair. “I’ll room with uh…” “Kayo-chin is rooming with me, nya!” “I’ll room with you, Maki-chan.” Nozomi said softly. She smiled at the grateful look Maki shot her. “I guess we’re roomies, Umi-chan.” Kotori said with a small smile. Umi smiled back. “Yeah.” “So we really are going?” Honoka asked hopefully. Eli hugged Honoka gently. “Yes, we are. You want it so we’re going.” Maki cleared her throat. “With your parents permission. We’ll do everything we can to get it but I don’t want you to be disappointed if we can’t go. If we can’t, it’s for a good reason. Your health is more important than some stupid publicity stunt.” “They’ll let me go, I-I think.” Honoka said, looking up at Maki with a tearful smile. “Thank you, Maki-chan. You’re always taking care of me.” As Maki looked away, grumbling, Honoka continued softly. “It’s Yukiho I’m worried about. She’s going to be angry. And she’s going to worry when I’m away.” “I’ll ask my dad if Arisa can stay with her.” Eli said softly, stroking Honoka’s hair. “She’ll be able to keep her calm.” “Thank you.” Honoka said softly. Looking up, she addressed the others. “All of you. I want to do this with all of you. More than anything.” Together, the group huddled around Honoka and Eli and leaned down to hug them, a few tears being shed as they did.

----

Kotori shuffled into the kitchen, her eyes half-open still. As soon as she’d woken up she’d gotten out of bed, wanting to get things started as soon as possible. They would need to find Eli and explain everything to her. She paused, finding Maki in the kitchen, making coffee and what smelled like breakfast. Kotori briefly considered walking away but it was too late. Maki spotted her. “Um...I wanted to try cooking for you.” Kotori glanced over Maki’s shoulder. “You’re overcooking the omurice.” “Wha…?!” Maki turned around and quickly grabbed the handle of the pan, trying to keep a fire from forming. Kotori’s lips twitched upward. As much as she wanted to be furious with Maki, as much as she wanted to dislike her in that moment, she couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. She walked over to Maki, standing behind her and placed her hands on top of Maki’s, one hand on top of the hand clutching the pan and one hand on the hand holding the spatula. “You have to be gentle with the eggs.” She explained softly. “Hold the pan just barely to the heat and use the spatula to gently fold the egg over the vegetables and rice.” She helped Maki do so before letting go. Maki swallowed thickly. “W-What about the chopsticks?” “That’s for folding it the second time. Here, let me show you.” Kotori took the pan from Maki when her girlfriend offered it. Maki stepped to the side, watching closely as Kotori finished making the omurice. She waited until Kotori had set it on a plate before she spoke up. “I…” “You know how to use the ketchup, right?” Kotori asked, raising an eyebrow. “Ah, yeah...of course. I’m just not as artistic as you with the design,” Maki said with a shrug of her shoulders. “I’ll love whatever you draw on it.” Kotori said in a whisper as she stared down at the plate. She heard a sniffle and looked up in time to see Maki trying to dash tears from her eyes. “Maki-chan.” “I just want to protect you.” Maki cried regretfully. “I’m not keeping things from you for any other reason. I just want you to be safe and happy. Y-You’re so much better at this than me. I don’t know why I keep failing at the most basic of things in this relationship. I just hate seeing you cry, upset, hurt and...I-I know you’re not fragile. I don’t think I would be stable if you weren’t beside me. You were the strongest, Kotori. It’s the same as with Umi, I don’t want you to see me weak.” “I want to see you weak.” Kotor murmured, shaking her head. “I want to see you not push your own feelings aside for the sake of mine. Come here, Maki-chan.” Maki stepped into the offered embrace, hugging Kotori tightly. “I started smoking a year ago.” She said bluntly. “I started doing it when I saw my grades slipping in senior year. The exams and cram school were killing me a-and you were busy with college and I just needed something to calm myself. Fuck, I just want to quit. I hate it.” Kotori was silent for a long moment before she spoke up. “Do you want me to help you?” “P-Please, just...I need you to keep me from being a workaholic.” “If you keep me from becoming an alcoholic.” Kotori said, half joking. She let go of Maki and picked up the omurice and the bottle of ketchup. “Let’s eat together, okay, Maki-chan?” “Okay.” Maki wiped the last of her tears away and crossed to the table where she sat down with Kotori. She watched as Kotori used the ketchup to draw a small bird and a cat with a heart between them. She smiled softly at the gesture. “I guess...if we get Honoka back this would never have happened. Our life now. Maybe I’ll never have started smoking.” “At least we’ll still be together.” Kotori reached over and took Maki’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “Huh, and I thought I would have to keep that a secret.” Nozomi said softly from where she was watching in the hallway with Umi at her side. “Those two really are the most stable.” Umi said, tentatively leaning into Nozomi. Nozomi sighed a little. “Did you take your medicine?” “Yes. Did you?” “Yeah.” Nozomi said quietly. She blindly reached for Umi’s hand, grasping it after a moment. “Do you feel okay about this? We have to find Eli eventually. And she might have to speak to Chika after that.” Umi cringed at the thought. “She’s going to do something stupid. You know that.” “I guess it’s a good thing Kanan-san will be there.” Umi straightened up, her heart suddenly racing. “They’re going to fight. What did Maki tell you?” “That Eli is drunk off her ass when they talk.” Nozomi said softly. She squeezed Umi’s hand. “They’re not going to touch you, Umi-chan. Eli wouldn’t dare and as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think Kanan-san is like that.” “I won’t let her hit you either.” Umi said, her voice strong and defiant, taking Nozomi off guard. “She’ll have to go through me.” Nozomi smiled warmly at the comment. She didn’t doubt Umi. She would defend her even if she was panicking while doing it.

-----

“Are you feeling okay, Honoka-chan?” Kotori asked as Honoka took her seat next to her. They’d just gotten onto their plane, heading for New York and Honoka seemed a bit nervous. “You seem worried.” “I’m excited.” Honoka smiled back at Kotori. She was relieved her parents had agreed to the trip, albeit reluctantly. “But I’m a little worried about Nozomi-chan, having to sit next to Eli-senpai. They’re still mad at each other, I can tell.” “They’ll be fine.” Kotori said reassuringly. “Don’t worry about those two. Umi-chan will keep them in check. Nico-chan too.” Honoka didn’t look convinced but she needed anyway. There wasn’t much else they could do besides switch seats and while she wanted to sit next to Eli she wanted to sit next to Kotori too. “You should get some rest on the flight over.” Kotori suggested quietly. “I know you, you’ll want to look around as soon as we get there and I don’t want you to wear yourself out.” Honoka smirked. “You don’t have to act like my mother, Kotori-chan.” “I’m not your mother, I’m like...your older, more mature sister. I have to look out for you sometimes, don’t I?” Kotori asked expectantly. “Just like you look out for me and Umi-chan sometimes.” Honoka smiled softly at the comment. “Like sisters.” She murmured to herself, nodding her head. “I think of you that way too, Kotori-chan. You and Umi-chan.” Kotori winced at that, thinking of Umi’s old feelings for Honoka. At least she had moved on to someone better suited for her. She fell silent for a moment, thinking about that but so did Honoka. She seemed to be nervously biting her lip now. Kotori figured Honoka was thinking about when Kotori and Umi were the only two left out of the three childhood friends. She took Honoka’s hand, both for her friend’s comfort and for her own. Nozomi watched from a few seats away as Honoka rested her head on Kotori’s shoulder. She sighed. At least they weren’t as uncomfortable as she was. She looked back to Eli in time to see the blonde staring past her at Honoka and Kotori, a slight frown on her lips. “She’s fine. Kotori-chan is a good friend.” “I know…” Eli mumbled, sitting back in her seat properly. She knew Honoka was fine with Kotori but she wanted to be over there. “At least I’m not Nicocchi.” Nozomi joked, hoping to get a response from Eli. She didn’t. She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “So are you excited for the…?” “No.” Eli interrupted sharply. “I’d rather us not go for her sake, damn it.” Nozomi coughed awkwardly and looked up, catching Maki’s eyes. The redhead was sitting just a couple of seats away from her. “Help me.” She mouthed silently. She watched as Maki nudged the person next to her. A moment later, Umi stood up with her bag and made her way over. “Um...would you like to switch seats, Eli?” Eli looked up. “Who are you sitting with again?” “Maki.” “The seat’s yours.” Eli stood up and walked over to Maki, sitting down next to her with a heavy sigh. Nozomi felt a wave of relief wash over her as Umi sat down next to her. “Never leave me alone with her again.” “Nozomi.” “What? I can barely speak to her without her spitting fire at me. What am I meant to say?” Nozomi asked in frustration. “Let Maki calm her down. She can teach Eli how to use the injection through the trip too.” Umi reasoned, hoping to soothe Nozomi. She knew Eli not speaking to her girlfriend hurt her. “Can we watch a movie?” Nozomi wrapped her arms around Umi’s arm and pressed her face into her shoulder. “Sure.” Umi said with a gentle smile. “When we take off we can start watching together, okay?” Eli huffed in annoyance as she looked away from Umi and Nozomi. “Great. She gets to be with her girlfriend and I’m stuck here. Typical.” “Hey, my girl is with your girl.” Maki pointed out, raising an eyebrow. “We’re both watching them with envy. We just have to accept that they want to be together right now. Otherwise they would have already switched seats. They’re best friends, they need their own time.” “Why? Because they don’t have much?” Eli gritted her teeth, her hands balling into fists. “Fuck.” “Eli, you need to calm down.” Maki said softly as she watched Eli struggle with several emotions. “Saying things like that is only going to make you feel worse. Trust me. Here, let me just teach you how to inject the steroid.” “Eh? But we’re on a plane!” “I don’t have it with me, we’re going to watch a video on my laptop.” Maki said with a roll of her eyes. “It’ll…” She trailed off, briefly distracted by her phone. She checked her messages and blushed at Kotori’s request to meet her in the bathroom once they were allowed to unfasten their seatbelts. She looked back at her girlfriend, noticing a coy smile on her face, even with Honoka dozing off on her shoulder. “Maki, what are you looking at?” Eli shifted in her seat, struggling to see. “N-Nothing!” Maki said quickly, turning her attention to the space in front of her. “I’ll show you the steroid thing later, okay?” “Um...okay.”

------

It was during her lunch break that Kanan decided to go and look for Riko. She’d intended to speak to the second year for a while now but hadn’t gotten around to it, with everything that was happening with Honoka and Muse. She walked down the hallway to the music room, already catching the sound of the piano being played. She knew it was Riko. She didn’t know anyone else who could play that well. She paused in the doorway, looking through the small pane of glass to be sure. Indeed she found Riko sitting behind the piano, her hands moving over the keys. She was relieved she had managed to find Riko so fast. Truthfully the girl could have been anywhere in the school. She pushed the door open and entered the room and the music stopped immediately. “Kanan-chan.” Riko said in surprise. “Take it easy.” Kanan said, holding up her hands. “I just came to talk.” She waited for a nod from Riko before she made her way further into the room, pacing over to the piano. She ran her fingers lightly over the glossed surface. “I figured I would find you in here. You’ve been avoiding us a little.” “Have I?” Riko didn’t look or sound shocked but it was clear she was trying to. “That hasn’t been my intention. Maybe I’ve just been busy with homework or school or something.” “I’m not oblivious, I can tell.” Kanan said, raising an eyebrow. “W-What?” “You like her.” Riko felt like the ground had been pulled out from under her and for a moment she could only open and close her mouth. Finally she managed to form words. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Riko.” Kanan sighed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t play dumb.” “Fine.” Riko slumped down slightly, her hands falling to her sides instead of resting upon the piano. “Well I screwed up. I thought she was...crazy.” “Well that’s the worst thing to say to a distressed girl.” “NO!” Riko exclaimed, her eyes wide. Kanan jolted in surprise. “I-I didn’t say it out loud! But I...maybe hinted at it when she tried to tell me about whatever is going on with her.” “It’s true you know.” Kanan pointed out, her tone clipped with annoyance. “You should have believed her. She wanted your help. She even told me she wanted it over mine.” “O-Oh…” Riko worriedly bit her lip, looking down at her lap. Kanan stared at Riko long and hard. It was clear the pianist didn’t really understand the gravity of what she was telling her. “We’re dating now, the two of us. I don’t know if she told you that.” Riko smiled sadly. “She didn’t. I kind of figured it out myself though.” “You could have been in my position, you know.” Kanan frowned at Riko. She didn’t want to hurt her but she needed her to know what she had done. “If you’d just believed her. Or supported her.” “I had a feeling she might have felt the same way...I guess we misunderstood each other.” Riko took a deep breath and looked up at Kanan. “You’re the better option. You’re unconditional.” “I am.” Kanan said softly. Riko stared at Kanan pensively for a moment. “Is it true that you have experience? With more girls than Chika-chan?” Kanan nodded. “It doesn’t matter now though. She’s the only girl that makes me feel...happy. My heart beats faster when she smiles. It skips when she holds my hand,” “Sounds nice.” Riko said wistfully. Kanan straightened up a bit. “We’re friends too, Riko. So I don’t have to tell you not to go after Chika-chan. Do I?” Riko shook her head. “Good.” Kanan said softly, her stance slowly relaxing. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry if I ended up hurting you by dating Chika.But I couldn’t just ignore how I felt about her. I love her.” “I understand.” The simple answer had Kanan thinking that while Riko did understand, she didn’t especially want to. She cleared her throat. “Thank you. We can still be friends, right?” “Of course.” Riko said with a hurried nod. She looked a little worried at the question, something that reassured Kanan somewhat. “I need some fresh air.” Kanan watched as Riko stood from the piano bench. “Are you going to skip class?” “Maybe.” Riko answered quietly as she skirted around the piano. “Don’t follow my bad habits.” Kanan advised as Riko moved past her. Riko waved Kanan off as she left the room. She walked down the hallway, zoning out as she did so. She had thought that Chika had feelings for her but then Chika had told her she didn’t have feelings for anyone so she’d assumed that she’d been wrong. Riko remember with a twinge in her chest that Chika had been pressing her to see whether she was interested in anyone though. Maybe Riko had just scared her off by lying to her. Maybe Chika had thought she didn’t feel the same way. A part of her wanted to tell her now. Just so that Chika knew the truth. She collected her shoes and left the school at a jog, in a hurry to get away. She had about ten minutes left until the end of lunch so it was easy for her to slip away unnoticed. She would deal with her mom later if the school called her. She reached the beach, vaguely noticing a photoshoot of some kind happening a short distance away. It was only when she got closer and heard someone speak that she really started to pay attention. “Gimme a profile, Nico-chan!” Riko wiped briefly at the tears that suddenly clouded her vision. Her eyes widened as she looked closer at the photoshoot, noticing a girl with wavy black hair, under a sun hat. She was wearing heels and a stylish blue sundress. Riko stepped close, making a mental note to look for it online. “Always so mature, Nico-chan.” The photographer was saying as he snapped pictures of Nico. “The other models tend to smile but you always know when to keep a straight face. Now give me that fierce look!” Riko inched as close as she dared, noticing the loneliness in the model’s ruby red eyes. Her brow furrowed in confusion. She recognized her from somewhere. “Nico-chan.” She repeated back to herself thoughtfully. The only Nico she knew of was Yazawa Nico from Muse and it wasn’t as though she would be there. Deciding to wait, Riko stayed where she was. She had only been planning on walking anyway. “Okay, that’s enough.” A woman standing on the sidelines called out. “The wind is getting too strong. Plus, we have a fan.” Riko glanced over her shoulder, looking around to see if anyone else was there before she realized the two of them were talking about her. She blushed fiercely, realizing she had been caught staring. As she backed away, she noticed the figures begin to pack away. She caught the model staring at her and froze once more. Suddenly the model was walking toward her. Riko considered running but it seemed her feet were glued to the ground. “What are you doing here?” Nico asked when she reached Riko. “You’re not allowed within five feet of the shoot. Damn it, don’t tell me you were behind me.” Riko narrowed her eyes as she looked up at the girl. In heels Nico was around an inch taller than her. “I was further than five feet away from you.” She pointed out. It had been clear to her that she was around ten feet from the shoot. She wouldn’t have dared get as close as Nico had said she was. “And...does it look like I was behind you? This is a public beach. Maybe you should have put up some warnings?” “Oh god, you’re like her…” Nico groaned in exasperation. “Excuse me?” “Nothing, just...an old friend. Nevermind.” Riko watched as Nico turned to her team and said that she was taking ten. She almost wished she had stayed at school. This conversation was only making her feel worse. Nico turned back to Riko. “Know a good place to get something to eat around here?” “Huh?” “I’m starving. I haven’t eaten anything since I got here.” Nico said slowly as if she was speaking to someone especially stupid. “So do you know a place?” Riko frowned. She didn’t like this girl’s attitude. “How old are you? Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” Nico twitched. “I’m twenty.” Riko blushed at her mistake. Nico smirked. “Playing hooky, huh? I’ve done that. Why don’t you come with me? It’ll be my treat.” “Go with you?” Riko echoed in surprised. She laughed in disbelief after. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just...you came over here and accused me of getting in the way of your photoshoot and now you want to take me out to lunch.” “Yes? A beautiful girl deserves something nice.” Nico shrugged her shoulders. “Besides, playing hooky usually means something is bothering you.” “And now you’re hitting on me.” Riko said, a little surprised. “Even though I’m clearly wearing a uniform so you obviously know I’m a student.” “Don’t flatter yourself, You just look upset. I’ve been in the situation at your age. I just thought you needed something to cheer you up.” Nico argued, shaking her head. “Besides you have to be like...a third year, right? You’ll probably be graduating soon so it’s not like it would be weird for me to hit on you.” Riko hesitated for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. So um...what kind of food do you want to eat? I don’t know if I’ll go with you but I can show you the way.” “I don’t mind.” Nico answered with a shrug of her shoulders. “I’ll leave it to you.” “Okay. Follow me then.” Riko hesitated for a moment before she led Nico along the beach, trying to figure out where to go as they walked. “There’s not much here. You’re probably used to Tokyo or somewhere, right? You look like a city girl.” “In a way. I’ve lived in France for the past couple of years. Before that I lived in Tokyo…” Nico seemed to trail off in thought. She came to her senses after a moment though, clearing her throat. “Uh...I’m just visiting for a while.” “Are you staying here? In a hotel or something?” Riko asked curiously as they stepped off the beach, onto more solid ground. She noticed for the first time that Nico had taken her shoes off and had been holding them loosely in her hands. She paused for a moment to put them back on. “At an inn.” Nico clarified as they started walking again. “I have some business in Tokyo tomorrow but I’ll still be staying here.” “Business? Like another photoshoot?” Nico gave a soft laugh. “You’re pretty curious, huh? No, not another photoshoot. I’m visiting a friend.” Riko watched Nico closely, noticing her smile fade and her expression sadden. “I’m sorry to pry.” “It’s fine.” Nico smiled again but to Riko it looked forced this time. “I like your curiosity.” Riko smiled back, hesitantly. “You’re...daring. You seem like you would be fun to be around.” “Oh so now you’re figuring that out?” Nico laughed genuinely and Riko felt her cheeks warm at the sound. Nico reached out and ruffled Riko’s hair. “Sorry about earlier. I tend to be grumpy when I’m hungry and I wanted to get out of there.” “It’s fine.” Riko said softly. She stopped short, nodding toward a small restaurant she’d led Nico to. “Um...this might be a good place to stop to eat. It’s small but the food is nice.” “You won’t come in with me?” Nico asked as Riko turned, seemingly to walk away from her. “I don’t even know your name.” Riko turned back to Nico with a small smile. “Sakurauchi Riko.” “Riko.” Nico echoed softly. “Will you come and eat with me? Come on, I don’t know anyone else in this town.” Riko pursed her lips to hold back a laugh. “I um...don’t know if I should. I don’t really know you and well….I don’t know.” “Yazawa Nico.” Nico teasingly held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Riko.” “What?” Riko stared at Nico in surprise for a moment. She numbly took her hand and gasped as Nico pulled her in close, kissing one of her cheeks. “I-I um…” “Sorry.” Nico said softly, smiling at Riko’s shock. “Habit. I’ve lived in France for a while, remember.” “I-It’s not that, I’m just…” Riko paused, unsure as to whether she should tell the truth. “Um...I feel like I’ve heard your name before.” Nico’s smile faded slightly and she let go of Riko’s hand. “Let me guess, you’re a school idol.” Riko nodded. “Well that would be how you’ve heard of me.” Nico said with a shrug of her shoulders. “Anyway, I’m not a school idol anymore. I haven’t been for a long time.” She looked over her shoulder at the restaurant. “Are you sure you won’t come in with me? I want to hear more about you.” “About me?” Riko asked in surprise. She wasn’t sure why someone like Nico would want to hear about her but it was touching that she did. “Um...sure.” Nico grinned and grabbed Riko’s hand again. She tugged her into the restaurant and they quickly found a small table in the corner to sit at. The waitress wandered over right away and they ordered their drinks. “So.” Nico said, leaning back in her seat. “What else do you like doing?” “Um...I play the piano.” Nico laughed at that. “Oh man, you really are her. Do you compose?” “No, my friend Mari-chan is our composer.” Riko said with a shake of her head. She was tempted to ask about Maki, given that she had figured out that was who Nico was comparing her to but she resisted the urge, not wanting to bring up painful memories. Nico leaned a bit closer to Riko, their eyes locked intently. “Your eyes...they tell a story about someone who isn’t sure about what they want. Do you want to talk about it?” Riko swallowed thickly. “I-I barely know you.” “Sometimes strangers are the best people to talk to.” Nico lightly touched Riko’s hand. “Come on, whatever you have to say can’t be that bad. I’ve done some pretty bad things too, you know.” Riko felt her composure crumble at the gentle touch, her throat aching and her eyes watering. As she broke into tears she reached up, covering her eyes with her forearm. “I just don’t know what I want.” She said tearfully. “I love playing piano but I’m not really good. I get nervous and now that someone I thought I liked is no longer close to me I feel I’m losing my last inspiration to play. Like I said I’m not even composing the songs, I’m just...a help. I don’t really do anything.” “Play for me.” Nico requested softly, giving Riko’s hand a light squeeze. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. I haven’t decided yet. But I want you to play for me before I leave.” Riko sniffled as she looked at Nico. “O-Okay.” She realized what she was doing and quickly wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t usually do this in front of people I’ve just met.” “So you’re saying I’m special.” Nico smirked teasingly. She didn’t wait for a response from Riko though. “It’s fine, I don't mind. Let’s just order, okay?” “Yeah.” Riko slowly allowed herself to relax. “Okay.” She fell silent for a moment as Nico waved the waitress over. The two ordered and when the waitress left, Riko chanced another glance up at Nico. “My friend used to have a poster of your...group on her door. You look a lot different.” “Thanks?” Nico said hesitantly. She tried not to picture what that poster would have looked like, with the others and Honoka. “I felt like a change after high school. I used to have to fit the idol persona but they’re called school idols for a reason.” “Right.” Riko said quietly. Much like everyone with an interest in school idols she knew what had happened within Muse, with their leader getting sick and eventually dying of her illness. “Well this look suits you.” “Thanks.” Nico said again, a smirk tugging at her lips as she leaned back. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.” Riko blushed at the compliment. “I thought you weren’t hitting on me?” Nico gave a soft laugh. “If that’s how you react to something like that, I’d love to see how you react to me actually flirting with you.” Riko swallowed heavily. “You...still haven’t let go of my hand.” “Do you want me to?” Nico quipped. Nevertheless, she drew her hand away, letting it fall back to her lap. She drew something from her pocket and slid it over to Riko. “Here. Before I forget to give this to you.” Riko looked down. A business card was sitting in front of her, on the table. “Your phone number…?” “Well you promised you’d let me listen to you play.” Nico said with a shrug of her shoulders. She gave a soft laugh as Riko blushed once more.

-------

Maki took a slow breath as she straightened her laptop in front of her. She wondered how long it had been since she’d spoken to Rin. It had been a long time, she knew that much. During their last two years of high school they had barely spoken. She’d hadn’t spoken with Hanayo much either. She felt hands on her shoulder and then Kotori was leaning down behind her, their cheeks brushing together. “I’m going to bed.” Kotori whispered, gently rubbing Maki’s shoulders. “Are you going to be okay?” “Yeah.” Maki said softly as she looked up at Kotori. “Yeah, of course. It’s just Rin.” Kotori lightly kissed Maki on the lips. “If you need me I’ll be in the bedroom.” Maki nodded and watched as Kotori turned and left. She waited until the bedroom door closed behind her girlfriend before she turned to her laptop. Trying not to think too much about it, she pressed the button to skype call Rin. It rang for a few minutes and Maki wasn’t sure Rin was going to pick up. She hadn’t warned her that she was going to call, after all. As she continued to wait for Rin to pick up she double checked the time difference. It was one in the morning in Japan, meaning it was eight in the morning in America. “Maki-chan?” Maki flinched as the skype call was finally answered. She flicked back to it on her laptop and paused when she saw Rin. The girl was jogging, her ponytail swinging behind her. “Your hair got longer.” “Uh...yeah.” Rin seemed to adjust her grip on her phone. Lifting her other hand, she used her sweatband to wipe her forehead. “What’s up? You wouldn’t call me unless...” She stopped short, alarm finding it’s way to her face. “What happened?” “Nothing, everyone is fine.” Maki said quickly, not wanting Rin to get the wrong idea. “I need to ask you for a favor.” “Now? I’m kind of busy. I’m practicing.” Rin said as she went back to jogging. As the phone moved, Maki could make out a track behind Rin, suggesting she was running on campus. “I need you to come back to Japan.” She blurted out. “Huh?” Rin frowned in confusion. “What do you mean? Why would I come back there? Are you not telling me something? Is someone sick? Is it Kotori-chan?” “NO!” Maki exclaimed quickly, her voice raising at the idea of that. “No, it’s not that. Um...it’s about Honoka.” “Honoka-chan?” Rin once again ground to a halt. Deciding to take a break for a few minutes, she walked over to the bleachers and sank down. She picked up the bottle of water she’d left there and pressed it to her forehead. “I don’t understand.” “I’m sorry.” Maki said sincerely. “I don’t really know how to explain all of this, it’s just...we need you back here. For...a reunion concert?” “You’re lying.” Rin retorted bluntly. “And I wouldn’t want to do that. Muse isn’t Muse without Honoka-chan. I can’t believe you would even…” “Okay, okay. It’s not that, I’m sorry!” Maki exclaimed quickly, seeing that Rin was getting upset. “I’m sorry, okay? But...it is for Honoka in a way. Eli is back in Japan.” “Good.” Rin said with a soft sigh of relief. “And we need you to come back because she’s leaving again soon.” Maki lied, hoping Rin would believe her this time. She felt bad for doing it but it couldn’t be helped. “And…” “Maki-chan, you’re a terrible liar. I’m hanging up now.” Maki cursed under her breath. “Wait, wait. Okay, fine. Just hear me out. Honoka needs you. She needs all of us.” Rin lowered her eyes. “Honoka-chan is dead. This isn’t funny.” “Am I lying though?” Maki asked expectantly. She watched as Rin looked up, seemingly staring at her intently. “Rin, please. Nozomi and Umi are here too. We just need you, Hanayo, Nico and Eli.” “You sound crazy.” Rin said with a shake of her head. “You know I hate bullshit, especially…” “I know!” Maki said as Rin trailed off. “But damn it, I’m begging you. Just come over. Give me a day! I’ll even pay for your plane tickets!” “Fine!” Rin finally relented with a huff. “But it better be important. I have track meets! I’ll call you later.” “Ri-” Maki was cut off by Rin abruptly hanging up on her. She sighed and slumped back in her seat. “That went well…”

--------

“I um...have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” Eli rolled her eyes as she watched Maki get up and head down the aisle to the bathroom. Looking over her shoulder she noticed that Kotori wasn’t in her seat either. “Of course.” She muttered. She paused for a moment before she decided to get up herself. The fasten seatbelt sign was no longer on so she was free to go where she liked. Quickly, she made her way to the seats a few rows back and sat down next to Honoka. “Where did you go?” Honoka mumbled without opening her eyes. “You’ve been gone for a while.” “I think she went to make out with Maki in the bathroom.” Eli answered with a smirk. Honoka’s eyes sprung open. “Eli-senpai!” She exclaimed happily. “What are you doing over here?” “I came to keep you company. Kotori’s probably going to be a while.” Eli said with a roll of her eyes. She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Honoka’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” “Um…” Honoka hesitated for a moment. “My head hurts. And I feel kind of nauseous but I think that might just be from flying.” “I feel a bit sick too.” Eli murmured with a nod of her head. “I wonder how those two can handle screwing in the bathroom.” Honoka made a face. “I don’t need to think about that, especially when I can’t do that myself. We’re not going to get much time to ourselves at the hotel…” “I’ll kick Nico out.” Eli said with a grin. “We need to get her a girlfriend.” Honoka gave a gentle laugh and shifted closer to Eli, resting her head lightly on her shoulder. “How do you know she likes girls?” “How do you know she doesn’t?” Eli countered, raising an eyebrow. “Besides I’m pretty sure she was into Nozomi at one point.” “Nico-chan and Nozomi-chan?” Honoka thought about that for a few seconds, nodding thoughtfully. “I guess that would make sense. Nico-chan is a bit hot-headed. Nozomi-chan would be able to keep her calm. Nozomi-chan is with Umi-chan now though. Do you think she might be interested in Nico-chan too?” “There’s a lot I can say about Nozomi right now but she’s not a cheater.” Eli said, irritation slipping into her voice. “And she wouldn’t be with Umi if she wanted Nico.” She looked over her shoulder, noticing a line forming outside of the bathroom. “Those two nerds are going to hold up the bathroom. Who would have thought Kotori could be so bad. Or Maki…” “Maki-chan isn’t surprising.” Honoka said with a shrug of her shoulders. “When we were…’dating’ she wanted to make out in the piano room. And in an empty classroom between classes…” She trailed off as Eli turned to frown at her. “Oh. Sorry. If it makes you feel better you’re a way better kisser.” Eli’s lips turned up at that but then they heard a moan from the bathroom and the smile slipped away. “Crap. I should go and get them.” “You don’t have to.” Honoka nodded over Eli’s shoulder. Eli looked up in time to see Nozomi storming down the aisle, an annoyed expression on her face. She relaxed slightly, a sense of familiarity settling over her. At least they were still the parental figures of the other members of Muse. She lifted her hand to cover her mouth against a laugh, noticing Nozomi mouthing that she was going to kill Maki. Nozomi got to the floor and rapped loudly on it. A moment later, a rather disheveled Maki appeared. Her button down shirt was untucked, three of the buttons at the top undone while her pants were only zipped, not buttoned. Kotori stumbled after her, her ribbon missing from her hair and her skirt wrinkled, like it had been pushed up then hastily tugged back down. Eli watched as Nozomi said something and the two blushed before Nozomi tugged Maki by the ear back to her seat. “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.” Maki cringed as Nozomi tugged her down the aisle. On her way past Umi, Nozomi seemed to apologize before she went to sit next to Maki. “You can take the seat next to Umi.” Eli pointed out when Kotori returned to Honoka. “I’m going to stay with Honoka. Unlike someone I’m not going to leave her to have sex.” Kotori couldn’t think of an answer to that. She bowed her head. “Sorry, Honoka-chan.” She mumbled before she wandered off to take a seat next to a furiously blushing Umi. “That was mean.” Honoka said with a soft giggle as she wrapped an around around Eli’s waist. “Well they have to learn.” Eli shrugged, smirking as Umi seemed to shrink away from Kotori slightly in embarrassment. “Otherwise they’re going to end up fined or arrested.” “I thought Nozomi would have teased them about it.” Honoka said as she watched Nozomi and Maki. From the way Nozomi was talking and Maki was staring at the floor, her shoulders slumped it was clear that some kind of lecture was going on. “Poor Maki-chan.” “Nozomi tends to be more serious when it comes to being arrested.” Eli sighed and shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about Nozomi. She didn’t even want to look at her but Honoka seemed captivated by the discussion going on. Eli watched as Maki tugged on her grey jacket and Nozomi grabbed the younger girl’s phone. “No sexting either.” Nozomi’s voice was just loud enough for them and several other people to hear and Honoka burst out laughing. Kotori slumped down in her seat as Umi scowled and started her own lecture about why she should be more responsible in a public place and what the consequences could have been for Muse AND the other passengers. “Umi-chan still hasn’t done it yet.” Kotori teased, interrupting Umi mid-sentence. “KOTORI!” Kotori smirked and glanced at Nozomi who was watching them out of the corner of her eye. She winked at her and turned her attention back to Umi. “I thought Nozomi would take you already since she’s the most perverted out of all of us.” Nozomi’s face turned bright red. “Kotori-chan, what are you talking about?!” “Nothing.” Kotori said innocently as Umi started to tug her collar further up her neck. “Just some girl talk between best friends.” Maki laughed at the look on Nozomi’s face. She turned in her seat, looking around at Kotori. “I love you.” “Enough, both of you!” Nozomi exclaimed loudly. “Now I know why Nicocchi said nobody can share with their girlfriend.” Nico perked up. “TOLD YA!” “Miss, please be quiet.” A passing flight attendant said, causing Nico to frown. “It’s like Umi-chan and I are the only responsible couple.” Nozomi said with a roll of her eyes. “Hey, we are too!” Honoka called from her seat, earning herself a few annoyed looks from other passengers. “MISS!” “S-Sorry.” Honoka said sheepishly, slumping back down in her seat. She lowered her voice slightly. “I think it’s time for most of us to go to sleep. Rin and Hanayo are already.” “Yeah and they’re both sleeping on my shoulders!” Nico scowled. “MISS!” “Sorry, sorry…” Nico grumbled, rolling her eyes as the flight attendant berated them once more. “As I was saying, you need to be more responsible.” Nozomi told Kotori as she looked over at her. “Please.” Kotori scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “If Umi-chan wouldn’t freak out you wouldn’t hesitate to pin her to a wall and have your w-” “KOTORI!” Umi whisper yelled. “We’re in public!” “They’re all sleeping.” Kotori said with a shrug of her shoulders. “Or they have headphones on. Besides, you can’t say you don’t feel the same way. Nozomi-chan is hot.” “W-Well I do but…” “You do?” Nozomi asked in surprise. “I mean so do I but...I mean I don’t want to rush into anything. Not that I would feel rushed or anything but...I mean you. I don’t want to rush you.” Kotori smirked in response. “Seems like someone has been holding herself back. Must be driving you crazy.” “Why don’t you sit next to Umi and talk about that?” Maki suggested hopefully. “I guess Kotori could sit next to me and you two can talk about whatever you need to talk about. Umi looks like she wants to say something, doesn’t she?” “Nice try.” Nozomi said with a roll of her eyes. “We’ll talk about this later, Umi-chan.” Umi smiled and nodded, settling back in her seat. Kotori huffed out a sigh and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Kotori.” Maki called, successfully drawing Kotori’s attention back to her. “It’s Umi who has it bad. Nozomi can control herself. Umi can’t. I should have taken a picture of her pinning you to the wall that time I walked in on you two.” “I’m going to kill you in your sleep.” Nozomi muttered as Umi spluttered out her innocence. “T-That’s not true.” Umi spluttered. “Go Umi-chan!” Honoka hollered from where she was sitting with Eli. “Miss, for the last time, be QUIET!” Eli grabbed Honoka’s hand and tugged her back down into her seat. “Okay time for bed everyone. Especially you troublemakers.” She looked pointedly between Maki and Kotori. Thankfully the two quietened down. Eli closed her eyes and angled herself more toward Honoka, letting Honoka sink into her, huddling against her chest. Eli positioned Kotori’s pillow behind her, ignoring the girl’s protests that she needed it. It wasn’t long before Honoka dozed off but Eli couldn’t force herself to sleep. She glanced at Nozomi and Maki and found Maki lying down with her head in Nozomi’s lap, the third year gently stroking her hair. Eli shifted ever so slightly to check on Umi and Kotori too. Kotori’s head was resting on Umi’s shoulder while Umi had tilted her head to rest atop Kotori’s. They seemed to be sleeping soundly, much like Maki. A glance at Nico had her chuckling softly. Rin and Hanayo were sleeping huddled against her, each with an arm around her waist. As unhappy as Eli was sure Nico would be, she was sound asleep anyway, leaving only herself and Nozomi the only two awake. She quickly closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

-----

Maki was surprised when she opened her apartment door and found not Hanayo but Chika and Kanan standing in front of her. “Oh…It’s you two.” She frowned. “What are you doing here?” “I want to get started!” Chika exclaimed brightly. “Can we come in?” “Don’t you have Love Live to focus on?” Maki asked dryly. “Thanks!” Chika ducked past Maki into the apartment. “We have the day off. Besides, Honoka-chan is more important than Love Live. More important than saving our school even.” Maki groaned as she allowed Kanan to walk into the apartment. “I’m going to fail my classes if this keeps happening.” “Do you have a photographic memory, Maki-chan?” Chika asked expectantly. She turned to smile warmly at Maki. “Besides, priorities. If we change the past this won’t be happening right now so that means you’ll be studying instead. Maybe you won’t even want to study what you are now. Maybe you’ll...” “Chika.” Kanan interrupted pointedly. “Right, sorry. Um...where’s everyone else?” Chika asked, glancing around. “Wow, this is a really nice apartment.” “Nozomi and Umi are on holiday.” Maki explained slowly. “Winter break. So they’ve gone out to make the most of it, I think.” “So they’re sightseeing?” Chika asked with a hint of skepticism. “We need to be here though.” “Umi-chan wanted to go and talk to Honoka.” Kotori’s sleepy voice sounded from across the room. “She went to visit her grave.” Chika glanced at Kotori, her eyes widening as the girl wandered into the room. Having just woken up she was only wearing panties and a shirt that was only closed with a couple of buttons in the middle, leaving her midriff on show and exposing a fair amount of cleavage. “Whoa…” Maki glared at Chika. “Watch it.” “Huh? Oh right. Sorry.” Chika quickly averted her eyes. “So you were studying, huh?” Kanan quipped, raising an eyebrow. Maki huffed and crossed her arms. “I was about to. Not that that’s any of your business. She just fell asleep after...ugh, why am I telling you this?!” “It’s a gift.” Kanan said with a smug smile. Maki’s gaze trailed to Kotori who was shuffling over to the coffee maker. She bit her lip as the shirt rode up, exposing Kotori’s ass. Quickly she remember that Kanan and Chika were there. Luckily for them when she glanced at them they were both averting their eyes. “Kotori, can you put some clothes on? Please?” “I need coffee.” Kotori pouted as Maki walked over to grip her shoulders and turn her around. Maki’s gaze shifted down. Being so close to Kotori she could easily see down her shirt. Kotori took advantage of Maki’s distraction and gripped her hips, pulling her in close. “Like what you see?” She asked in a husky whisper as she kissed the redhead’s neck. She smirked in satisfaction at Maki’s answering whimper. “Knock, knock, knock.” Maki and Kotori pulled away from each other at the sound of another voice. Looking over to the door they found Hanayo standing in the open doorway. “Hey.” Hanayo said with a small smile as she stepped into the room. Kotori quickly tugged Maki back in front of her. “You didn’t tell me she was coming! I’m practically naked!” “What? So Hanayo you care about but these two you can walk around naked in front of…” Maki said with a roll of her eyes. “And they’re teenagers! And one of them was gawking at your boobs the whole time!” “Maki-chan, you jerk!” Kotori pouted, grasping Maki’s arms to keep her in front of her. “I don’t care about what they think, but it’s Hanayo-chan!” Hanayo smiled at their antics. It seemed some things hadn’t changed. “I see I came at the wrong time. Good thing I brought…” “Hanayo, I think these chocolates melted all over the backseat. It’s dripping out of the box somehow. I guess we shouldn’t have put the heat on.” “You brought a BOY?!” Kotori exclaimed as a dark haired male appeared in the doorway. “What?” Hanayo glanced between Kotori and Raven who had already turned his back. “Oh please, he only sees me naked. This is Raven, my boyfriend.” “It’s nice to meet you both.” Raven said, lifting his hand in a wave without turning back to them. “I’m going to get changed.” Kotori said before she hurried off to the bedroom. “We can come back later if you’re busy.” Hanayo said, glancing at Kanan and Chika. “You seem to have company.” “Oh...no, they’re staying. Come in, it’s fine.” Maki said with a shake of her head. “Um, can I come in or…?” Raven trailed off as Hanayo grabbed his hand and tugged him into the apartment. He closed the door behind him. He turned to face forward, holding up the chocolates in his hand. “Uh...we brought a gift but we blasted the heat in the car on the way over so they kind of melted.” “Um...thanks.” Maki said, taking the box of chocolates. She placed them on the side, not wanting to rudely throw them in the trash right in front of the couple. “I told you she was straight.” Chika whispered, nudging Kanan who rolled her eyes. “Bisexual actually but close.” Hanayo answered, glancing at Chika. “She was dating a girl before me.” Raven chimed in, in agreement. “I won her heart though.” Hanayo fondly rolled her eyes at him but she was more focused on Chika. “You’re Chika, aren’t you?” “Uh…” Chika grimaced. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. This is my girlfriend, Kanan-chan.” Hanayo smiled fakely, her eyes closed and Maki shuddered. She knew that smile. Shivers ran down her spine as she remembered the last time Hanayo had smiled like that. After Honoka had died, Hanayo had started to fake her smiles and cheerful tones at school. It was part of the many reasons she and Maki had grown distant. Raven leaned toward Maki, lowering his voice to a whisper. ��That’s her ‘I really don’t like you but my boyfriend is here so I’ll play along’ look. She’s actually seething.” “I know.” Maki whispered back as Chika and Kanan shifted uncomfortably. “She slapped someone in junior year when provoked. All with that smile.” “She’s scary when she’s mad.” Raven mumbled, glancing at Hanayo. “At least she’s stable.” Maki mused as she noticed Kotori wander out of the bedroom and move to greet Hanayo with a hug. “I’m guessing Kotori-san is a handful?” Raven asked curiously. “Sometimes. But she’s stable.” Maki answered with a shrug of her shoulders. “Hanayo’s told me about her. About...Chika.” Raven said with a nod toward Chika. “Not specifics, just...that she hates her. And that she was involved with...well, you know. I don’t want to bring it up but maybe putting those two together isn’t a good idea.” “It has to be done.” Maki sighed and stepped forward, taking Hanayo’s hand. Kotori glanced at Raven as Maki tugged Hanayo into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. “Not a good sign?” “Nope.” “What the hell is that fucking bitch doing here?! Do you know I’m shaking? I’m fucking SHAKING, Maki-chan! WHY IS SHE HERE?!” Kotori, Raven, Chika and Kanan cringed at the loud exclamation from the bedroom. “C-Calm down, don’t be crazy, Hanayo.” Maki said warily, her voice harder to hear than Hanayo’s. “She’s lucky Raven is here or I wouldn’t be so damn NICE!” Hanayo yelled angrily. “You haven’t answered me! Why is she even here?!” “Um...I’d rather we all explain together.” Maki said with a wince. “Nozomi and Umi should be back soon. They…” “Do THEY KNOW about this?! How can you even let her into your apartment?! She KILLED HONOKA-CHAN! You know what, I’m not doing this.” The door to Maki’s bedroom was wrenched open a moment later and Hanayo stormed across the room to Chika. Kanan moved to step forward but Chika held her arm out, stopping her. A second later, Hanayo lifted her hand and delivered a sharp slap to Chika’s face. “I deserved that.” Chika mumbled, her eyes watering. “Damn right, you did!” Hanayo yelled as Raven walked over to her, lightly tugging her away. “Do you have any idea what you did to us? To HONOKA-CHAN?!” “Of course she knows!” Kanan, who had turned Chika to face her so she could look at her cheek, retorted, shooting a brief glare at Hanayo. “Why do you think she’s here?” “Just hear her out.” Maki said quietly as she paused next to Kotori. Hanayo scoffed and looked directly at Chika. “I don’t know what you did to convince Maki-chan but me and Rin-chan are going to be harder to crack.” “You are going to pick her up in two days, right?” Maki checked thoughtfully. “Yeah, yeah.” Hanayo grumbled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Oh and she’s bringing her best friend from America too.” “Fine. Ugh, the apartment is going to be so cramped.” Maki muttered, glancing around. She wondered if Nico would end up staying there too when they finally managed to track her down. “You’re rich and it has space.” Hanayo pointed out skeptically. “This is KOTORI’S!” Maki exclaimed loudly. “I told you that on the phone. Listen, just...you can stay if you want. We have one bedroom left. Rin can sleep on the air mattress in my study or something. I guess if she’s best friends with this girl they can just sleep together.” Hanayo smirked and raised an eyebrow. “You know Rin-chan has a crush on her, right?” Maki groaned in exasperation. “Whatever. We’re sticking with the plan.” “Those two.” Hanayo jerked her thumb in the direction of Chika and Kanan. “Aren’t going to be here, right?” Chika sighed loudly but she was saved from replying when her phone chimed with an alert. She tugged it out of her pocket, her brow furrowing when she noticed it was a news alert. “Local has been spotted with international model, Nico-chan. Hey, that looks like…” “RIKO!” Kanan exclaimed, looking closer at the picture. “It is!” “Wait, INTERNATIONAL?!” Chika exclaimed in surprise. “Nico-chan is that popular?!” “Somebody doesn’t read the fashion magazines.” Hanayo said snarkily. Chika looked up, stunned to see the others didn’t seem all that surprised. “Wait, you all know?” The others nodded. “Nozomi reads in french so yeah.” Maki answered with a shrug. Kotori chimed in after. “I follow her on twitter. The clothing she models inspires me. Most people only know Nico-chan as a model. Not even many people in Japan know her as an idol. Besides school idols.” “Rin-chan and I were practically her cheerleaders when she first started at eighteen.” Hanayo explained quietly. Chika frowned at Maki. “You told me that the rest of Muse didn’t talk anymore. Didn’t you say that Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan only spoke when they had to?” “But they still seem like best friends.” Kanan said thoughtfully. “You are, right?” Hanayo nodded her head. “Yeah. The time difference usually works out so we talk every couple of weeks.” “Muse was separated.” Maki pointed out, frowning at Chika’s implication. “I didn’t know what happened to Nico. Rin and Hanayo started ignoring me.” “US?!” Hanayo cried out in disbelief. “You threw yourself into fucking cram school and med books! You abandoned US! At least Nico-chan tried, even though she was a mess too! You were the one who kept acting as if everything was okay when in fact you were a wreck. You became obsessed with finding a cure for an incurable disease!” “FOR HONOKA!” “Honoka-chan was already DEAD, damn it! There was nothing you could do to save her when she was alive, what makes you think you can when she’s DEAD?!” Hanayo’s accusation had Maki reeling back but she didn’t pause to give the redhead time to reply. “Rin-chan ran into track the moment we disbanded but she was trying to take her mind off what had happened, like Honoka-chan wanted us to! You were OBSESSED with it! You’re lucky Kotori-chan was so patient with you. With the way you were acting, anyone else would have broken up with you! And what would you have done then?” Raven leaned toward Kotori. “Shouldn’t we…?” “Let them get it out.” Kotori said with a shake of her head. “It’s the first step to recovering. We should probably leave them alone...you have a car, right?” “I-I KNOW THAT!” Maki finally yelled after hesitating a moment. “I know if she wasn’t here I would be getting drunk off my ass right now!” Kotori cringed. She was relieved when Raven nodded yes to her question. “We should go and pick up some food for when they’re done if you don’t mind driving.” “Sure.” Raven shrugged his shoulders. “Uh…” Kanan stepped forward slightly. “Can we…?” “Yes, you can come along.” Kotori said with a nod of her head. “Let’s just go.” Maki and Hanayo didn’t notice the other four leave the apartment. “I didn’t abandon you.” Maki said, her voice low and angry. “The two of you just expected me to be fine after Honoka died. You two were allowed to be as broken as you wanted but you expected me to be steady. I wasn’t a damn robot, Hanayo. I loved Honoka too, just as much as the rest of you. Maybe even more than some of you. I even dated her for a bit, you know?” Hanayo’s eyes went wide with surprise. “What?!” “The whole Chika thi-” “Shut up! Just...shut up. I don’t want to hear it.” Hanayo turned on her heel and stormed into her temporary bedroom, slamming the door behind her. “Damn it.” Maki stumbled back, barely managing to find her way to the couch before she collapsed down onto it, in tears. “DAMN IT!”

TBC

#HonoEli #Kotomaki #Nozoumi #Chikanan #Diamari #Rice Birb #Fanfiction

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alphafemale143-blog · 7 years ago

Text

SACRIFICIAL LOVE

Ang tingin ata ng mga tao sobrang tapang ko na kahit ilang beses nila kong iwan at itake-advantage, babangon pa rin ako with the same intensity. Hindi nila na alam na para akong kandila, sa tuwing sinisilaban mas lalong nalulusaw at unti-unting nawawala. Lumalakas ang ilaw, pero humihina ang pag-asa.

“I am tired of people who never valued my presence.” Sumimsim ako ng isang beses sa basong kalalagay lang ng bartender at umiling.

“Riz, you deserved better.” Napatingin ako sa chinitong katabi ko. His light blue long-sleeves were folded up to his forearm. Clean cut ang gupit at unang tingin mo palang ay alam mo nang may sabi sa karangyaan.

I suddenly felt insecure. I’ve checked my reflection in the mirror, kung saan nakahilera ang iba’t ibang uri ng inumin and mix. From light drinks to strong ones.

“I’m just gonna go to the restroom, real quick.” Tumayo ako muntik na akong matumba, good thing he has quick reflexes at nasapo ng kanan niyang kamay ang kaliwag braso ko.

“Careful.” Usal niya.

Marami-rami ng mga tao, the party is really about to start. Sa pagpunta ko sa restroom ay ilang couples pa ang nadaanan kong nagmamake-out in the left and right of the hallway.

I shook my head. Nang makarating ako sa banyo ay tiningnan ko ang repleksyon ko sa salamin.

My slightly dark make-up is still evident- akala ko hulas na ako.

Inayos ko ang ruffle ng suot kong itim na cold-shoulder bodycon dress. I checked the time it’s 11:45PM. I applied a little bit more nude lipstick at naghugas ng kamay.

Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ay Nakita kong nakasandal sa kabilang pader ng hallway si Charles. Nakahalukikip ang binata.

“I was thinking you might have thrown up.” His hair is now a bit disheveled. I smiled.

“No. I’m just tipsy, you know.”

Umayos siya ng tayo at lumapit sa akin. “Tara na?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, I’ll request an Uber.” I was grabbing my phone from my purse when he stopped me.

“I’ll take you home.”

“Charles, you live in South and I’m in North.” Natawa ako.

“I’d rather drive against my way home, than let you get in to some stranger’s car.” Ginulo ko ng konti ang nakalugay kong buhok.

“They’re not strangers. They’re private drivers.” I defended.

“Whatever, let me drive you home, Riz.” Hindi ako titigilan ng isang ito hangga’t di ako umo-oo. I took a deep breath at tinitigan siya.

“Sige na nga.” Nauna akong maglakad sa kaniya.

Naglalakad ako sa gitna ng crowd, alam ko namang naka sunod siya sakin. Nagulat naman ako ng may isang matangkad na nagsasaway ang nasiko ako kaliwang balikat.

“Woah! Careful.” Sabi ng matangkad na binata. “Are you okay?”

Medyo may tumulak sa likod ko ng mahina. “You watch it out, dude!” Charles’ voice is deep at may halong awtoridad.

“Sorry, miss.”

“It’s okay.” Ngumiti ako at nilingon si Charles na kanina pa ako tinutulak ng mahina para maglakad.

After what happened, he did not let go of my arm hanggang makalabas kami ng club.

Medyo kunot-noo itong pinagbuksan ako ng pinto ng kotse.

Natatawa ako ng sumunod siya at kunot-noo pa ring lumingon sa akin.

“What’s your problem?” I can’t help but to smile when I asked him. Ganito kasi ang hitsura niyang namimiss ko ng todo.

Napatikom ako at bumalik sa normal.

“You.”

“Me?” Tanong ko. His left hand is already in steering wheel, pero hindi pa inisstart ang kotse.

“Yeah. Bakit pa kasi dun tayo nagdaan sa crowd. Muntik na tuloy akong mapaaway.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t even notice kanina na habang naglalakad ka sa dami ng mga tao, someone bump in to your butt.” Tumitig siya sakin at tiningnan ako mula ulo hanggang paa. He then return his sight to my eyes.

Hindi ko nga siguro naramdam yung sinasabi niya kasi magugulo na ang tao dun.

“I didn’t notice that, at saka dun ko Nakita yung exit. What do you expect me to do?” Irap ko. Medyo nahiya ako sa sinabi niya. Kaya tumingin nalang ako sa labas.

“I was expecting you to stick with me.” Tumikhim siya at inistart na ang engine kotse.

Nilingon ko siya, pero binalik ko rin agad ang tingin sa labas.

Pinaharurot niya ang kotse hanggang sa freeway na kami. Tiningnan ko sa cellphone ko ang oras. It’s not even 12:30 yet.

“Ayoko pang umuwi.” Buntong-hininga ko.

“Hmmm.” Lumingon siya sa akin ng mabilis. “Where do you wanna go? Are you hungry?” Nagaalalang tanong niya.

“Hmmm. I want some cheesecake.” Nakita ko ang pagngisi niya sa sinabi kong iyon.

“Hindi ka pa ba hahanapin?” Nilingon niya uli ako ng mabilis.

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, cheesecake, then.” He took a U-turn at may isang pastry shop kaming hinintuan.

I asked him to just get it for to-go at nagdrive siya papunta sa isang pamilyar na lugar.

Ang park na madalas naming puntahan back when we were in college. There’s a lake malapit sa isang gazebo. We went inside the gazebo at naupo sa stair steps nito. From here you can see the reflection of stars and moon sa lake.

He handed me a small box and fork. Pagkatapos ay nilukob sa aking balikat ang black suit na dala niya kanina galing sa kotse.

Bumuntong hininga ako ng maramdaman ko ang pagtabi niya sa akin. I can smell his cologne. So manly and addicting.

Ang kaniyang siko ay nakapatong sa kaniyang mga tuhod. Ang kaliwang kamay ay may hawak na kape. He asked me earlier if I wanted a coffee too, but I told him bottle water would do. Ang tubig ay nakatabi sa kanang sapatos ko.

I’m enjoying my strawberry cheesecake when he initiated a conversation.

“Did you still remember this place?”

“How could I forget.” Sagot ko at tinitigan ang maliit na kartong hawak ko. I know that he’s staring at me. Tinusok-tusok ko ang piraso ng strawberry.

“Tell me, Riz. Are you happy? Really.” Biglang nagflashback sa akin ang tanong niya weeks after naming grumaduate from college. “Will you be happy, Riz?” Syempre hindi!

Sino ba ang magiging masayang maiwan ng mahal niya. Pero di ba sabi nila love is sacrifice. Nagkakatalo lang naman talaga sa mga bagay na isinasakripisyo.

I gain my composure bago lumingon sa kaniya at ngumiti..

“Oo naman.” He’s eyes were drawn to my mine. “Masaya ako para sayo.”

He brushed his hair. Because of frustration.

“I am not asking you if you’re happy for me. I am asking you if you’re happy for what you have right now. Ikaw. Kung masaya ka ba?”

“Why is that important, Charles?”

“You don’t make decisions that would lose you, Riz. Hindi ka ganon. You fight of things that would make you win. Kung pinaglaban mo ko noon, Riz. You’ll never lose anything. Bakit hindi ka sumugal?”

I painfully smiled at him.

“You know what, Charles?” He listened. “You know what your mom told me the night of our graduation?” Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagsasalita. She asked me something.

I am very close to Charles’ family. We are an example of couple goals in college. Ang mama ni Charles na isang prestige doctor at hinubog ng aming paaralan ang naging guest speaker ng graduation namin.

We had a nice dinner after the graduation. Ang mga magulang ko ay parehong entrepreneur na hindi nakauwi para sa graduation day ko, kaya si ate at ako lang.

Charles’ mom approaches me ng makitang nakaupo ako sa lobby ng hotel na kinainan namin, habang naghihintay sa ate ko.

“Congratulations, hija.” Tita gave me a peck on both cheeks. I smiled and say thank you.

“I would like to give this to you, Larizza.” She handed me a long red box where there’s a gold heart-shape necklace inside. “That’s my graduation gift for you.” Nanlaki ang mata ko may mga brillantitos sa paligid ng hugis puso.

“This is too much, tita. Okay lang po kahit wala na.” kumunot-noo siya.

“Let me tell you a story, Larizza.” She cleared her throat before saying something again. “This necklace has a history. This necklace symbolizes sacrifice.”

“Kapag nagmahal ka, you sacrifice different things. Pwedeng time, pera, dreams or yourself. I am very fond of your relationship with my son, pero.” I waited “Pero I don’t think that it’ll be the same thing when he come with his father in Washington.”

Naguguluhan ako. Charles’ finished BS Biology at ako naman ay Chemical Engineering. Plano kasi ni Charles magdoctor.

“You’re probably aware na gusto niyang icontinue ang medisina sa ibang bansa, since his father is already in states.”

“Tita…” I cleared my throat. “Charles and I have talked about this already.”

“I know he mentioned that he will pursue a long-distance relationship with you.” I nodded my head. “Which I am totally disagree.”

“I have been very supportive with you guys, pero you see. I was a med-student. I had been in the struggles Charles will going to face. Mahirap pagsabayin ang intense ng medisina at pagrerelasyon. Mahihirapan syang magkaroon ng oras para sa lahat ng bagay. I want him to have his priority straight which is ang pagiging doktor. Where I think, you’ll be another baggage to carry na ayokong mangyari.”

“So after that week, I approached you to talk about something serious.” I laughed a little. “Akala mo pa nga nabuntis mo ko.”

Tikom ang bibig ni Charles, emotionless.

“Why did you let mom be in between us?” May gigil ang pagkakasabi niya non. His right hand is already in fist.

“Charles, she is your mom. Anong laban ko dun. After ng paguusap namin, naisip ko na tama siya. I thought about it thoroughly, before letting you go.” Huminga ako ng malalalim. “And look at you now. One of the best surgeon in the states.” He gave me a mad look.

Yung titig na huling binigay niya sakin. Yung titig na binigay niya sa akin, nang hatulan ko ang relasyong binuo namin.

“Charles, I wanna be happy, too.” Umiiyak na ako hindi dahil sa ayaw niya akong bitawan, pero dahil sa sinasabi ko. It looks like I am trying to convince myself, than try to convince him.

“Will you really be happy without me, huh Riz?”

“Paano na yung mga plano natin?”

“Will you be happy, Riz?” bulong niya

I took a lot of courage bago sagutin ang tanong niya.

“Y-yes.” Hikbi ko. Tumitig ako sa kaniya. He’s breathing is faster, halata ang pagtaas-baba ng kaniyang paghinga.

He’s look is really intense. Galit na galit ang kaniyang mga mata.

“Well, fuck you! Thank you for wasting my time!”

Nakayuko ako ng maramdaman ang kaniyang right thumb na pinapawi ang sunod-sunod na luhang pumapatak.

“Fuck! Riz, stop crying.”

“I am so sorry, Charles. I didn’t mean to hurt you back then.” He drag me to his chest habang patuloy ang pagluha ko.

Remembering all the painful words and heart aches. Sobrang sakit! Parang pinipiga ang puso ko. Nagkasakitan kaming pareho.

Maraming taon ang lumipas pero masakit pa din.

I buried my face on his chest for a minute, pagkatapos ay hinawakan ko ang magkabilang mukha niya.

“I am so sorry Charles. I really am.” Humihikbi pa din ako.

“Shhh, sweetheart. I know you are.” His right thumb brushed off my lower lip.

I closed my eyes and I felt his suit that was on my shoulders fell off. Naramdaman ako ang kaniyang kaliwang kamay na naglalaro sa kanang balikat ko.

I remained my eyes close, til I felt his breathing getting closer and the tip of his nose is slightly rubbing mine.

“Run with me.” Bulong niya bago ko maramdaman ang soft kisses na binibigay niya sa aking pisngi at gilid ng labi. I held both of his hands.

“Run with me, my love.” He then slowly kissed my lips. I slightly open my upper lip and suck his a bit. Ilang minuto niyang pinapamilyar ang parte ng aking labi, bago kami naghiwalay.

“Pero…”

“If you’re worried about your daughter, I’ll take care of her as if she’s mine. Please. Let’s fix this, sweetheart.”

Humiwalay ako kay Charles.

“We’re living in different worlds now, Charles.”

“I know, Riz. I know we can’t turn back time. That’s why we’ll start. Let’s start again.”

“Let’s make up for the lost days, weeks, months and years. I want you back, my love. “

I shook my head.

“Charles, I’m married. You know that. I was inlove with you, but my present is what important.”

“Fvck, Riz.” He brushed off his hair with his hand again. “He’s hurting you. You’re married to him, but he’s acting like a fcking single asshole!!”

My husband was my former colleague sa isang medicine company. We’ve dated for a year and in 2 years of marriage he cheated on me 3 times.

“I am sacrificing my freedom for my daughter, Charles.”

Ganun naman ata talaga. You’ll sacrifice everything para sa taong mahal mo. Sa iba’t-ibang paraan nga lang.

My daughter doesn’t deserve a broken family.

#fiction #tagalog #bitin #thoughts

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twilightofthe · 5 years ago

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Tell me ALL your SW faves

Aaaaaa thank you! This took a while cuz this got long, lol sorry! Aight, so here’s ALL my SW faves for this ask prompt list!

FAVE MOVIE: Revenge of the Sith. 10000%. It just has everything! You get to see the Obikin relationship in all its glory, first and foremost, how much those two loved each other more than anything and knew each other better than anyone, and just how much they genuinely got along and then we got our hearts broken watching them have to fight after Anakin made his Goof Of The Millennium and just oooooof all the feels about my boys! Seeing Padmé and just loving her so gotdang much for being strong and wanting the best life for everyone, all while she was so scared and had so little support from anyone, and just couldn’t do it in the end. Seeing the end of the Republic, how after a thousand years, just, *poof*, just like that in like two days (yes, I know Sidious was planning it for over a decade but still), the horrific fascination on how Sidious was able to do that. Just the brilliance of Sheev’s character, how you despise him, but how brilliantly everything was pulled off. The angst of Order 66, how especially after TCW you love these characters SO MUCH and then you gotta watch them DIE HORRIBLY BY THOSE THEY TRUSTED, THOSE WHO NEVER HAD A CHOICE EITHER. Did I mention feeling so freaking bad for Obi Wan and his Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day??? Because I really do, he’s so good and kind and we see his life fall apart and ugh I love him. And y’all, watching Anakin Skywalker fall from grace like the brightest angel he was, you hate him for what he did, but you still can’t help but love him and cry for him and his loss because he was so good, and he did not deserve all this to happen to him but he did it to HIMSELF AAAAGGHHHH. Also, Obes and Ani were at peak prettiness this movie!! Just asdfkjglkdskajsrlk best movie love so diggity dang much

FAVE PAIRING: Oh, how EVER will I choose– Obikin. It’s Obikin, all the way, no contest. I know I’ve yelled about it a million and one times so I’ll save y’all the rant on how much I adore these disasters and their relationship and how I think they’re goddamn soulmates and the most interesting dynamic in the entire Saga. I ship them romantically and platonically and just everything, they’re so fucking important to one another and that’s why it hurts so much to watch them fall apart, and that’s why I’m so incredibly happy that they get to canONICALLY SPEND THEIR ENTIRE AFTERLIFE TOGETHER BECAUSE FORCE GHOSTS HELL YEAH. If I had to pick just secondary fave romantic and platonic relationships, hmmmm that’s hard. BUT, I’m gonna have to go with Kanera for romantic; SWR was what got me back into Star Wars and one of my favorite parts of it was watching Kanan and Hera, how much I loved them separately, but just how much they were a team together and I love them and I was unbelievably upset when Jedi Night happened (and I still have a rant about how animated Star Wars kills off their romantic couples in the exact same manner, pls ask me about how TCW’s The Lawless and Rebels’ Jedi Night had basically all of the same plot points that ended in killing off a romantic lead). For other fave platonic relationship, gonna have to go with Luke/Han/Leia BROT3 (separate from Hanleia as a romance, which is probs my 3rd fave). These disasters were the original Golden Trio, they saved the galaxy together all while yelling dramatically and having each other’s backs to the bitter end (or, at least ‘till the end of ROTJ lol) and I just love them as a team so dang much

FAVE TV SHOW EPISODE: Okay, since there are four TV shows, it’s only fair for me to pick one (or more don’t judge me) from each! Let’s see, from The Clone Wars, my fave eps have to be the entire Mortis trilogy arc in S3 because Obes/Ani/Snips family dynamic, Force Shenanigans, BEAUTIFUL scene designs, Anakin angst, just so many good things oof, and also Dooku Captured from S1, which I just adore because Obikin snark, annoying Grandpa Dooku, Hondo Fucking Ohnaka making everyone look so bad at their jobs, I just love it agh. Whoops that was technically four faves, so gotta do four for Rebels too! Gonna go wiiiiith World Between Worlds from S4 for Badass Ahsoka Tano, Ezra being brave and talented, Sheev being Absolutely Ridiculous, and just the overall Force Shenanigans cuz canon time travel y’all; The Lost Commanders from S2 because Rex is awesome, Kanan angst, and really good Kanan and Ezra bonding and Jedi awesomeness, Fire Across the Galaxy from S1 because of Ghost fam dynamics, Kanan angst, more Kanan and Ezra bonding, and just good stuff, and Twilight of the Apprentice in S2 (lol what about my username?) for being creepy and cool and maKING ME CRY ANAKIN YOU STUPID THRICE COOKED TOILET SEAT LEAVE AHSOKA ALONE. *cough* Ok, fine, I’ll stick with only one ep for the other two series. For Resistance, gonna have to go with the latest ep, actually! We get to see Kaz being clever and caring about his fam on the Colossus, really cool designs for Aeos and its people, Tam angst, and just everyone shining! For The Mandalorian, it’s gotta be the finale, Redemption, we get Din name, Armorer kicking everyones asses and me loving it, BABY YODA DOING THE HAND WAVE, Din getting over his issues with droids and connecting with IG only for IG to FUCKING DIE, DIN AND BABY YODA BEING AN OFFICIAL CLAN OF TWO, Taika just knocking this whole episode out of the park with the funny scouttroopers at the beginning who still deserved the ass-whooping they got for fucking murdering Kuiil and hiTTING BABY YODA YOU SLIMY FUCKNUGGETS–

FAVE CHARACTER: Alright, look, I can narrow it down to FIVE and that is IT. I just love too many Star Wars characters, I can’t go lower than top five! Ok, so my four favorites are Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Kanan Jarrus, and Finn Skywalker-Dameron-Tico (i SAID what i SAID.) AIGHT so for starters, a lot of my favorite characters in different franchises fall under various archetypes I have for faves. Obi Wan fits one of my more popular ones: “Old, reluctant and more than slightly-questionable parental badass with a mysterious past that makes you love them all the more when you realize just how beautiful and tragic and deserving-better they were when that past is revealed”. I latched onto this dude from the start when I just liked the OT (tho Leia was always my fave lol), and I wanted to know about him, and then when I finally started getting into the PT and TCW, it was just a steady stream of “oh no he’s hOT?” “oh no he’s sAD?” “oh no he’s nICE?!? REALLY FUCKING NICE AND A BIT OF A MESS HELP” and then I just totally latched on because he’s hypercompetent at literally everything and looks damn good doing it and boy do I have a thing for competence, charming as all hell and goes through so much and comes out strong despite the fact that fate hates his fucking guts and tries to destroy his life constantly and guys he tries so hard and he’s kind of messy sometimes and a bit of a dick and I love him all the more for it because he’s trying, none of that do-or-do-not shit, he is doing his damn best and deserves happiness and not Anakin tearing him apart. SPEAKING OF SAND MAN. Ugh, so I love Anakin to fucking death and that makes me REALLY MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE MAKES EVERYONE ELSE I LIKE SAD. So I love Anakin regardless because he’s not your typical protagonist. He’s fucking brilliant, hot when he fights, is amazing at fighting and flying and building stuff and there’s that competence thing for me again, oh boy! He’s funny and kind and he cares. And somehow, this bitch manages to have the two most beautiful, amazing people in the galaxy in love with him and willing to do basically anything for him like the fuck?!? Jealous much??!?!?!?! I am!!!! He’s so fucking bright and it’s impossible to look away. He’s also a dorky, messy disaster who’s not good with people or feelings or emotions and he panics over stuff and doesn’t know self-control and is kinda really bad at his job a lot and pushes away the people who care about him and screws up literally all the fucking time and he always feels like he’s drowning and alone and I get to watch him crash and burn under the weight of it all. Basically, minus the anger issues and the child murder and the murder in general, I kinda relate a lot to Anakin. I feel like a self-hating mess who doesn’t know how to control my ow head and the world hates me a lot too. I can project my mental issues onto him, enjoy the good parts of him, live vicariously through the things he does that I can’t like be loved by pretty people and be hot and athletic and smart, and then when he crashes I can side-eye and remember that at least someone’s doing worse than me lol. So yea, I love this messy boi to death and he’s the one I get the best characterization reviews on, so I guess we have an understanding. Leia I loved since as a kid. I’d want to be her, brave, talented, smart, strong as hell and snarky to boot. I realize that Leia fits another fave character archetype of mine: “Powerful young adult raised for greatness, did not ask for all the horrible shit that’s happened to them, highkey wants a break and for the bad guys to just roll over and die, is generally clever, hypercompetent, and 100% done with everyone else’s shit, overdramatic as all hell and enjoys insulting people”. Her and Han were my first Star Wars ship and she just always made me happy seeing her kick names and take ass. She’s gone through almost as much hell or maybe more so than Obi Wan, she also keeps getting back up and fighting, she deserved SO MUCH BETTER than what the Sequel Trilogy gave her and you may quote me on that. She’s also gorgeous and I wanted to wear all of her clothes (bikini not included). I also love her relationship with Luke and I am so goddam happy it is now canon that Leia Organa did Jedi training and can use a lightsaber!!! She has a lightsaber!!!!!!!!!! Ugh oof I love her. Kanan fills the similar “mentor” archetype as Obi Wan does, but with a smidge of youth because he’s younger when he gets dropped into this role. He’s more of a punk, more of a mess, and oof. Basically I’ve said it a zillion times how Rebels resparked my love of Star Wars, but really, it was Kanan on the screen that did it. It happened when the Rebels season 3 premiere eps ended up on the TV and I saw it and I thought in order 1. holy shit that Maul fucker’s actually alive? and 2. Oh no sad blind Jedi man! He’s cool and mysterious and I want to know why he’s sad and who made him sad and also want to give him a hug!!! He was my fave character all throughout Rebels and his training dynamic with Ezra, struggling to help this kid all while flying by the seat of his pants because he had Issues and no clue what he was doing and no support and ugh, he was smart and brave and I’m so sad he’s dead and yea. Finn!!!! Last but not least!!!! He was my favorite character from The Force Awakens. People have said it before, but he was just so new, a rebel Stormtrooper stolen and brainwashed at birth, finding the good guys and fighting to do the right thing! Possibly Force Sensitive! Super duper cute!!! Funny and kind, dammit, when not many other people in the galaxy were!!!!!!!! I was so, so sure Finn was gonna be a Jedi along with Rey at some point, that might have been my biggest letdown when I saw TLJ, but ugh I just loved his enthusiasm and his war within himself, ultimately loving his friends and trying to do what was right at the risk to his own safety, even though that was why he ran scared in the first place!!!!! I shipped him with Rey and with Poe and now I am NOT above the post TROS Jedistormpilot shipping!!!!! Finn was just always the most interesting part of the Sequel Trilogy for me and I personally feel like they could have done more with his character.

FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS: Aight, so I try my best not to “stan” anyone famous because literally no one is perfect and everyone’s done something problematic at some point and if I dare say I like a famous figure, someone’s gonna find something about them and come after me all “OMG THIS PERSON DID/SAID/IS X YOU MONSTER GO DIE!!11!!1″. In terms of performance, I think all the actors in Star Wars did a lovely job and I’m happy with all of them! If I had to crush on any, it would probs be Ewan McGregor, John Boyega, or Diego Luna cuz, uh, they hot. If I had to pick one I liked most, it would honestly probs be Carrie Fisher. Maybe that’s just partially from missing her now that she’s gone, but I really admire her advocacy and transparence for mental health, and she just seemed like such a funny, kind, strong person.

FAVE PLANET: Aight, this is HARD and I refuse to only pick one planet! Ok, gonna start off with Coruscant because an endless city planet made up of lights is amazingly gorgeous and it has a Jedi Temple stacked on top of a Sith Temple and is just so cool aaaaa. Also love Felucia just for being so bright and colorful and pretty. Mortis for being just as weirdly gorgeous and also Weird Force Shit. Lothal for the beautiful mountains, the wolves, and the fucking lightspeed center of the planet passage what, Dathomir is delightfully creepy to look at, Crait is really cool with the salt and the red and the ice foxes, Kashyyyk because Wookiees and it’s pretty and I love their treehouses. Basically if it makes me clap my dumb monkey hands and go “oooh pretty!”, I love it. The more “not like Earth” it is, the more I love it.

FAVE SPECIES: Hmmmmm, this is a tough one……. There’s just so many cool-looking species that we know so little about, ya know? I wanna say either Togrutas or Wookiees. Togrutas just because the character design is incredible and so fun to work with and also I love Ahsoka, and Wookiees because they have such an interesting culture and backstory and also I want to give Chewbacca a hug.

FAVE CONCEPT: Uhhh, not quite sure I get the question; you mean like just story concept in general? If that’s it, I’m gonna have to go with just the whole concept of the Force and the Jedi in general. I mean George, George my man, what the fuck? How the hell did you come up with this?!? Mystical psychic space wizards with magic abilities to connect with and use the sentient godlike life force that combined the entire galaxy together. Oh and also they have COLORFUL GLOWING LASER SWORDS?!?!? It’s honestly one of the most creative things I’ve seen in popular culture, and that makes me sad that Star Wars now seems to be trying to separate itself from what I think is its most interesting quality because “ugh not EVERYTHING should be about the Jedi guys!”, when like, y’all, without the Jedi, the entire SW universe is basically just another military scifi war story…… Just my opinion tho.

FAVE SHIP: Ok, since pairing was already up there, I assume this means actual ship? Well, uh, gonna have to be square with y’all, I’m a bad Star Wars fan for this part; I’ve never been the one to memorize ship names and designs and know the exact make and model number of some fancy ship, I’m real bad at that lol. I’ll say my favorite ship is the Ghost. Hera flies it and the Rebels Fam lives on it and it’s super cool and it makes me happy!

FAVE WEAPON: LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABER. Y’all, c’mon, what did you think I was gonna pick? xD Lizard brain want glowy shiny colorful big stick that goes whoosh!

FAVE BACKGROUND EXTRA: Again, not entirely sure what this means, but do you mean fave background character? If so, then it’s a tie between Wilrow Hood and his ice cream machine for the memes, that one clone in TCW who yeets a plate of toast at Cad Bane’s face, or that one background soldier who scoots between Han and Leia arguing in ESB and also Hera and Kanan arguing in Rebels (yes I do headcanon it’s the same guy lol)

FAVE MOMENT/SCENE: This one’s actually pretty easy. Anakin dying in Luke’s arms in ROTJ, and then his ghost showing up to Luke later at the Ewok party. I just care so ridiculously much about stupid Anakin and his stupid story and mistakes, and even before I was a prequels stan and had only seen the OT (and wasn’t a huge Vader fan, believe it or not), some part of me just felt so solemn, so fragile watching this, watching the giant monstrous machine falling apart as he fades away to reveal a weary, tired old human man, and it always made me wonder, what the hell happened to him to turn him into that thing? Seeing that young, beautiful man, basically Luke’s age, showing up as a ghost later, just the fascination, the tender look he shared with Old Ben, just how young he was, that made it all the more mysterious and knowing what I do now, it’s just so much better because my poor, horrible Disaster Man finally did the right thing and he finally found peace and it’s just the only ending I could be happy for Anakin with, And Luke, I always felt so bad for Luke, being so strong, so brave, finally getting his father back for like five damn minutes and then having to lose him again and just hurting for him but also knowing that it was gonna be okay because Luke had more family now, the ghosts, and Han and Leia and Chewie and R2 and 3PO and Lando and everyone.

FAVE KISS: Luke and Leia (HANG ON LET ME SPEAK) forehead kiss in The Last Jedi. I know (this one) isn’t meant as romantic, and I know the question is probs about a romantic one and I know that it’s not even a real mouth kiss. But. That Luke and Leia scene was my favorite part of the entire movie. Again, I was missing Carrie a lot, and ugh, after all these years, after not getting to interact the entire previous movie and not at all during this movie, the ONE scene with Carrie and Mark and the pure emotion of it all just knocked me out of my fucking seat. You could see how connected they were as siblings, how much Leia had missed Luke, how much he had missed her and how sorry he was for leaving, sorry for Ben, sorry for having to leave her again now, Leia knowing Luke was about to die, and just, acceptance. Love and acceptance. It was just a final, tender kiss on the forehead, and it was perfect and yeah. If I do have to pick a romantic lip smooch, it’s probably the Hanleia classic “scoundrel” kiss in Empire Strikes Back. I still remember watching ESB the first time as a KID and being all eeeeeeee are they gonna– YES they kissed they kissed they kissed finally! and that’s enough for me.

FAVE FIGHT: Obi Wan and Anakin on Mustafar in Revenge of the Sith. WIthout question. It’s brilliantly and precisely choreographed to show the intricate nuances of the Obikin breakup in alllllll of its painful glory. It breaks my heart every time I watch it because every time I watch it I still hope it’s gonna end differently. That Anakin realizes he can’t kill Obi Wan and ditches Sidious and goes back with Obi Wan to save Padmé. That Obi Wan realizes he can’t let Anakin die and saves him from burning and from Sidious and takes him back too. That Obi Wan at least puts Anakin out of his misery which would be godawful painful, but would save him from the horrid life as Vader. That while they’re fighting, a lava monster appears like in the concept art and Vader and Obi Wan have to put aside their differences and fight the thing and remember how much they mean to each other. But ugh, this fight was beautifully choreographed and was originally supposed to be a MULTI-MINUTE SINGLE SHOT WHAT THE HELL??? Oooof Hayden and Ewan did such an amazing job and the whole thing just rips my heart out every time in the bestworst way possible

FAVE LINE OF DIALOGUE: Now THIS is hard, I’m not the best at picking favorite lines. Hmmm, this is HARD. Let me think. Gahhhh, it’s hard because I have so many lines I like and I can’t even just narrow down a couple!!! Ultimately, it’s probably gonna be Yoda’s monologue from Empire Strikes Back: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter…” Just that entire line saying how basically all of us are more than the sum of our parts, that everyone is their own sparkling light made of stardust, I loved it as a kid and I love it now.

FAVE BOOK/COMIC: Answered here

FAVE HERO: Gonna go with Obi Wan! I already rambled about why I love him, but y’all……. I love him.

FAVE VILLAIN: Anakin Skywalker/Darth McFucking Vader. I loved him when he was a hero and the silly poor sad boy makes me sad when I see him as a villain all while being an overdramatic asshole and it just makes me wanna hit him with a newspaper for ruining his life and everyone else’s I love him.

FAVE OUTFIT: Answered here

FAVE CREATURE: I love Lothcats/Tookas! I just heckin’ love cats and now there’s spACE KITTIES WITH SUPER FOOFY TAILS AND BIG EARS OMG Y’ALL I LOVE THEM I JUST REALLY DO AND I REALLY WANT ONE SO I CAN CUDDLE IT ;_;

WHEW. That was all of the faves, thanks so much for asking me!!! Sorry this took so long to do, this was kinda a hell week haha!

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