#if youre a artist ill try to follow back too!

[eatingmarkerz]

tips on drawing/how you choose yours colors?

im not really good at giving tips nor explaining how i do certain things but ill try my best >:)

this is prolly gonna be a long post so... yeah (i get passionate about these things so i might add a cut here..)

for the tips part, here are some things that i followed to get better!!

try not to focus on too many things at once when you want to practice! it may be different for other people but for me it kind of burnt me out at certain points, so i like to focus on improving minimal amounts of things in my art!!

another thing is to be proud of what you draw, sure looking back to my old art is a certain negative feeling i cant explain but i just remember its those drawing that pushed me further into improving my art :3

you shouldnt feel like your being forced to create, another thing i struggled with!! now im starting to draw for myself more, and if i feel like drawing for others willingly i will do that!!

and for the last bits, dont be afraid to reference your favorite artists!!! and with references in general :3 i got inspired by alot of artists i like!

FIND THE STYLE UR COMFORTABLE WITH ive only recently found my style and ive loved it since (lasso fill tool my beloved), dont be afraid to be unique🔥🔥🔥🔥

now for color picking! if i want a certain look for my art, whether itd be saturated or desaturated, light or dark, and warm or cold and so on...

i usually take a color on the lighter side for my whites!! something like a light grey, a warm light yellow and a light blue!!!

as seen below here are the colors for the light parts of my art!! (ralseis fur is kinda white right idk AUUGGHGH)

with the color codes and swatches right there you can see the difference in tone!!

the ralsei drawing is more warm, the spamton one is supposed to be more saturated i think, and the kris one is more grey!! (and looks colder!!)

those single off white colors help me think of the feeling i want in my drawings!!!

it works for black colors too!! you can maybe see that the black i used in the drawings arent straight up pitch black!!

[800-dick-pics]

Today is a great day to show support to Indigenous peoples of Turtle Island!

Ima TS Black Seminole artist and Im going to be selling my beadwork and maybe patches on my instagram @/wildwotko, Currently there arent any posts but Im going to be posting later today and after that pretty regularly!

If you wanna support a struggling black two spirit artist pls follow for my beadwork on insta @/wildwotko!

Thank you for supporting Mtvo!!!

[ketchuppee]

During the 2008 recession, my aunt lost her job. Her, her partner, and my three cousins moved across the country to stay with us while they got back on their feet. My house turned from a family of four to a family of nine overnight, complete with three dogs and five cats between us.

It took a few years for them to get a place of their own, but after a few rentals and apartments, they now own a split level ranch in a town nearby. I’ve lost track of how many coworkers and friends have stayed with them when they were in a tight spot. A mother and son getting out of an abusive relationship, a divorcee trying to stay local for his kids while they work out a custody agreement, you name it. My aunt and uncle knew first hand what that kindness meant, and always find space for someone who needed it, the way my parents had for them.

That same aunt and uncle visited me in [redacted] city last year. They are prolific drinkers, so we spent most of the day bar hopping. As we wandered the city, any time we passed a homeless person, my uncle would pull out a fresh cigarette and ask them if they had a light. Regardless of if they had a lighter on hand or not, he offered them a few bucks in exchange, which he explained to me after was because he felt it would be easier for them to accept in exchange for a service, no matter how small.

I work for a company that produces a lot of fabric waste. Every few weeks, I bring two big black trash bags full of discarded material over to a woman who works down the hall. She distributes them to local churches, quilting clubs, and teachers who can use them for crafts. She’s currently in the process of working with our building to set up a recycling program for the smaller pieces of fabric that are harder to find use for.

One of my best friends gives monthly donations to four or five local organizations. She’s fortunate enough to have a tech job that gives her a good salary, and she knows that a recurring donation is more valuable to a non-profit because they can rely on that money month after month, and can plan ways to stretch that dollar for maximum impact. One of those organizations is a native plant trust, and once she’s out of her apartment complex and in a home with a yard, she has plans to convert it into a haven of local flora.

My partner works for a company that is working to help regulate crypto and hold the current bad actors in the space accountable for their actions. We unfortunately live in a time where technology develops far too fast for bureaucracy to keep up with, but just because people use a technology for ill gain doesn’t mean the technology itself is bad. The blockchain is something that she finds fascinating and powerful, and she is using her degree and her expertise to turn it into a tool for good.

I knew someone who always had a bag of treats in their purse, on the odd chance they came across a stray cat or dog, they had something to offer them.

I follow artists who post about every local election they know of, because they know their platform gives them more reach than the average person, and that they can leverage that platform to encourage people to vote in elections that get less attention, but in many ways have more impact on the direction our country is going to go.

All of this to say, there’s more than one way to do good in the world. Social media leads us to believe that the loudest, the most vocal, the most prolific poster is the most virtuous, but they are only a piece of the puzzle. (And if virtue for virtues sake is your end goal, you’ve already lost, but that’s a different post). Community is built of people leveraging their privileges to help those without them. We need people doing all of those things and more, because no individual can or should do all of it. You would be stretched too thin, your efforts valiant, but less effective in your ambition.

None of this is to encourage inaction. Identify your unique strengths, skills, and privileges, and put them to use. Determine what causes are important to you, and commit to doing what you can to help them. Collective action is how change is made, but don’t forget that we need diversity in actions taken.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I am constantly procrastinating working on my original fic by writing fanfic. Any advice for how to refocus and finish my novel?

Well. The novel probably needs a nap.

Procrastinating is a symptom that something is preventing you from doing the thing you "should" be doing. Most of the time it's an unrelated, but actually higher priority task like resting after an illness (society is fucking lying about anything else being more important) or filing your taxes (actually this one is pretty important).

...but if you're procrastinating on one creative project with another creative project, you're not procrastinating: something about the novel is off right now, the fanfic is more appealing to you.

Consider the following:

You may be writing fic because it brings you more joy than the novel. If you really want to get back to the novel, figure out what would make working on it more enjoyable. Engagement from a beta-editor? Skipping this really boring scene and coming back to it later? Adding more smut?

You may also be writing fic because it's got a lower spoon coat than the novel and you need to conserve your spoons right now. Any extra stress in your life? Moving? Toothache? Recovering from Covid? Annoying roommate? Sick family member? It's an election year? ANY of those could soak up extra spoons and make your novel too expensive for your spoons budget. Let it take a nap, and come back when you're feeling better.

You may be sharpening your artistic skills on a lower-stakes project before going back to the novel. This is pretty normal- even Michaelangelo took breaks to work on other pieces while sculpting The David, both for a change of pace and so he could try something out without fucking up the big block.

Fortunately, you're writing, so you can always try writing the challenging scene a dozen times in different docs or save the parts that were good but don't not in a spare parts bucket doc.

Or keep working on that fic, it's helping you learn on a subconscious level.

You don't love the novel right now. This is alright. This is usually temporary, and the solution is the same- put it aside and work on something else.

Maybe you are just bored of the novel. That's fine and normal, you just save all the documents to your hard drive and come back later. When the fic inevitably gets boring too, you'll come back to the novel and either go "oh hey this kicks ass!" And return to it with renewed enthusiasm.

...Or you'll come back to it and go "oh. This is actually a piece of shit" And that's okay too, because there's nothing more useless than polishing a turd, but that turd is still valuable as compost. You learned things writing it, and you can still rifle through the novel for good lines or scenes or turns of phrase and put those in your spare parts doc to ferment into The Good Shit in the back of your mind.

HOWEVER:

If you are experiencing a different phenomenon wherein you are actively distressed while writing the fic- either out of misplaced guilt, or the fic isn't actually fun you just feel compelled to do something, or absolutely every creative endeavor is stressing you out, you may be experiencing a serious mental or physical health issue and you should see your GP or a specialist ASAP. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong. Do not ignore your body's warning light.

That sounds really dramatic and hyperbolic but realizing I was not enjoying ANY creative work was the symptom that finally got me to sit down and go "huh. All these random pains, irregular sleep cycle, frequent migraines and weird bouts of vertigo aren't normal either, I should get this looked at." And it turned out I had dangerously low blood oxygen at night from undiagnosed sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine now and it's AMAZING.

I really hope this is regular artistic shuffle and not a serious health concern, but if you're experiencing creative stress AND a bunch of other shit, it may be serious.

[kaijuparfait]

long ramble of me going through the venom trailer because i am insane totally normal about it

this isn't anything professional, just me spouting out random words as i run around in circles like an excited dog-

OK LET'S GO:

firstly... king please change your clothes its been years, why are you still wearing that exact same outfit???

BUT i am a sucker for the light going over and past Eddie as he walks, i just think it's so cool hehe,,

E: "You should probably know that I have a really dark and unpredictable side to me."

hmmm... i'll believe you. at first, it sounds like he's telling this to Venom, but I wouldn't be surprised if Eddie is telling this to someone else and this "dark and unpredictable side" is Venom.... Or he is telling this to Venom and Eddie just really wants to kill now which. I am ok with that, love that for them, they should be allowed to do what they want

cleanly punching off the lock via the ~ Power of Friendship ~ (or something like that)

not the dogs :( i'm assuming this is a place to hold dogs for like. dog fighting?? i think? which is terrible and those guys deserved to get their heads eaten!

E: "I'm giving you a chance, sweetie."

LET. EDDIE. KILL. everyone say thank you Tom Hardy for being Eddie cause WOAH i am. normal.

V: "Just say "when"." E: "...when."

WE'RE SO BACK its just like the "Mask!" "Copy." bit from the first movie omg we're so back, these two make me ill i love them sm

also Eddie not even flinching at the knife, most likely Venom turning off the pain (or something) but I like to think Eddie's just cool like that (these close ups of Eddie's face makes me wanna do a study on him, just draw him a million times for the fun of it, and i will! Tom Hardy is a beautiful man!)

either venom is fully acting as shoes or Eddie is wear the most busted up pair of crocs i have ever seen and both options are so great. either way- KICK! that guy is GONE you even see him slouched against the wall, surrounded by bricks in a later scene, Venom and Eddie are not messing around this movie!

I- hhhhh. ok. I'm ok. Yeah these two are NOT messing around, Eddie could not care less about these dudes, there is no hesitating, no guilt, no fear in this man's expression AND I LOVE IT <333 GET ANGRY! GET SCARY!!!

AND WE HAVE THE BOI. THERE HE IS!!! the roar sounds different too i think, it's very cool tho, feels like a shrill, higher pitch than i expected but i don't dislike it

let the dogs be free! they immediately start attacking those guys and i love it <3 doggy :3

AND EDDIE IS FIGHTING TOO WOOOOO i need to redraw all of these frame cause WHEW! making me blush with these shot compositions, so good. so much trust, Eddie knows Venom will keep him safe and jumps in! literally! i adore how Venom's head is following him too, it's so creepy, the way it just slithers through the air, I wish to send all my love to the teams who work on Venom, there are so many points from the trailer and the first 2 movies that I wanna dissect, just to point out all his little movements, very fun

speaking of his little movements- squinty eyes :3 and the half venom, half eddie face again! always a win, forever iconic <3

tearing apart this venom scene OK! the little tendrils by Eddie's face, the way they move around is so UGH its so weird and i adore it! This "pose" is also fun because we really get to see the inside of Venom's mouth, most importantly his teeeeeth, in a long, pretty still shot that isn't when his mouth is wide open, the artist in me is loving it

also the team always does an amazing job on just making Venom look alien- the thick veins, the shiny black skin, and the tendrils that are holding up the bad guy split apart, instead of being just one tentacle, very gross, but in a good way

E: "We.. are..-" V: "WE ARE VENOM!" E: "We.. are..-" V: "VENOM!!" E: "No.."

They share one braincell, holy fudge, I love symbrock fjdkslfjsdk

and Eddie just keeps trying! same tone, same level, and Venom is so excited

V: "Oh!"

(I also love these shots because we get a nice close up of how Venom's mouth moves when pronouncing words)

E: "Yeah.. We.." V: "We.." E + V: "are... Venom." E: "...We really need to work on that."

and they get there eventually lmao, the way they say it is so in sync, even the eye movements are the same, how they open wider, and THE VOICES hhhh the voices.,,.. Tom Hardy is such a good. voice actor? in this sense ig.. i am on the ground, pure joy with how Eddie and Venom's voices overlap here

and Venom goes to town! lovely meal <3 getting a meal with the bf <3

I am LOOKING oh my goodness his mouth can open WIDE... normal feelings rn, yup, mhm!

doggy :D dog friends :D also Eddie no shot you stole that guy's shoes lmao??? nice boots tho (as someone who wears cowboy boots often, i would love to see Eddie in a full outfit.. putting that in the drawing idea list...)

V: "DELICIOUS! You take me to all the finest places!"

see! dinner date! :3 I can just hear the smile on Venom, i love when he's happy

and the world's most pathetic wet cat of a man (I say with the upmost affection) is back!

more proof that Eddie is never NOT sweating and that Tom Hardy's Eddie voice has the most confusing accent- i think he's saying

E: "Honey, I don't know."

but he could very well just be stuttering, or maybe he stopped midway and instead said "I need- I don't know." but i'm hoping they're at the point of pet names, go full comic, let Eddie call Venom "love" and "dear" and "my darling"

[Edit- thank you @.bridoesotherjunk for pointing out that he says "I need a Tylenol." i need better listening comprehension i guess??? lol?]

i don't know 100% of the Venom lore, still have tons of comics to read, so i won't talk much about the potential storyline here but- 4 SYMBIOTES!! maybe maybe maybe the Life Foundation Symbiotes... these babies got some funky colors.. they already used the name Riot but these 4 could be Lasher, Phage, Scream and Agony if i pray hard enough, the colors don't match but i can dream!

totally not emotional over this little bit of Venom that was left behind from that one after credits scene trying to bond with a host gently. yup yeah my heart isn't hurting at all!

LET MY BOY GO, HE DID NO WRONG!!!

my favorite local cryptid, what a creature

and he changed! finally! nice shirt tho, buttoned up only part way? the HAIR??? good stuff

fire seems to be a known weakness now, looking at the background, and i can't guess what they're looking up at, Eddie does speed up for it tho. I'm gonna say either a helicopter or something else they're gonna try and jump up to? Venom does go-

V: "OH SHIT"

during this scene so maybe it's one of those Symbiotes from before? Who knows, I could guess a hundred things but idk

THE WATER SCENE!! FROM THAT ONE BEHIND THE SCENES PHOTO TOM HARDY POSTED!!!

Venom in the last bit and Eddie being just himself if the first portion of these clips show that these guys 100% know what they're doing and have some sort of device (shown in the right image) that is capable of doing some crazy damage to Venom! Which! Oh no!!! I enjoy fight scenes underwater tho (Looks at Godzilla), very hyped for this one, I really wanna see how Venom swims. Yeah that sounds a bit weird but like. no way he's swimming like a human, c'mon now

E: "We are living the dream, my friend V: "You mean it?!" E: "NO."

Can't get over Venom's delivery here, he sounds so genuinely, it made me laugh, especially to how exhausted Eddie sounds lmao

LAS VEGAS??? y'all guessed right, they really are gonna get married in vegas,,

Eddie in a suit, HELLO??? my guy is looking snazzy! really tho, he looks so nice a suit, the BLACK AND WHITE suit? perfect. I saw people saying that they hope that Venom is the suit and just. me too..

MRS. CHEN RETURNS omg this cast are all so <333 she is GORGEOUS that dress is beautiful on her AND HER HAIR Mrs. Chen my beloved

Mrs. Chen sounds so happy to see Eddie, and Venom also very excitedly say hi, my heart is going to burst, it is overflowing, this part of the trailer makes me smile so much AND THEN THEY DANCE WITH EACH OTHER!!! I know it's called The Last Dance but I was not expecting a dance with Mrs. Chen??? I am more than ok with this tho, Venom and Mrs. Chen, dancing on the stairs, they look so happy, they're having such a good time i can't, my heart can't take this <3

AND LOOK HOW THEY HOLD HER HANDS.. they... they care about each other so much i'm going to cry in the theaters- no i'm gonna cry NOW.

is that a xenophage i see??? that thing is HUGE HUH??? i fully understand Venom in this (side note, i ADORE how Venom goes "JESUS CHRIST" upon seeing this thing, the line delivery get's better every film, that was so genuine) this design is insane tho, i might spend some time doing a study on it

Toxin is here! YIPPEE!!! love the voice, thought it was Venom for a second the first time i watch this but its pretty good

I have no clue who the people are that are in this tower thing, I've seen a few theories but i ain't embarrassing myself by guessing wrong here lmao

(running out of image spaces sorry!)

in the clip of Venom walking into this lab (?) and then getting violently shot at, is it just me or does Venom seem small? I'm guessing the door is just really big but like. idk maybe i'm just mixing up my Venoms and thinking that he's not as big as I remember

really quick cut of what may be 2 more Symbiotes like the 4 from earlier? maybe they're the same and are just changing colors, maybe they're new, who knows! I love their colors tho, the one on the right (in the clip) looks like it's blue and pink and i think that's cute

Xenophage breaks into this lab, love that for her, she is still terrifying!

E: "We may not make it out of this alive, buddy."

haha what do you mean by that king?

V: "Eddie... the time has come..."

HAHA PAUSE. uhm. he said the same thing last time at the end of Let There Be Carnage and Eddie didn't let him go but, istg, IF THEY DIE AT THE END OF THIS MOVIE. i know its the last of the trilogy BUT THEY DON'T NEED TO DIE, SONY, MARVEL, DON'T DO THIS TO ME. i am going cry violently at the writers... i don't think i will ever stop crying if they die at the end

they're in this busted up helicopter, already intriguing, but when it zooms in on Eddie's face, he's tearing up??? this movie is checking off every emotion, i need to remember to stay hydrated before i go see it, i will cry so much

I don't even think i'll be able to handle just one of them dying, the end of the first movie made me tear up the first time i saw it, and that was before i was as insane about them as i am now, i will be UNWELL in the theater

And last but certainly not least. HORSE VENOM WOOOOOO

the design for this things is insane, i didn't think i'd ever wanna draw a horse in my life but like.. kinda changing my mind ngl (weird detail, Venom horse has hands and feet and not hooves!)

E: "Be honest with me, how fast do you think you can make that thing go, without killing it?" V: "..ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!"

Venom sounds a bit muffled in this clip which makes it a bit more funny to me, i won't lie. Eddie is hanging on FOR HIS LIFE THOUGH, geez i know he said "how fast" but Eddie gets LAUNCHED OFF VENOM when they go over that cliff. fun reference to the first movie, how Venom grabs onto Eddie as he flies up, like on the motorcycle <3

this horse scene has to be earlier on because Eddie is in The Outfit and is also not wearing shoes??? i refuse to believe he'd put it back on, and in the helicopter-"it is time" clip, Eddie is wearing that white shirt, which looks like the undershirt to the suit (maybe) so the Las Vegas scene happens before them running from the explosion/fire.

oh right, the song that's playing? Space Oddity by David Bowie? yeah it's about an astronaut dying along in space.... which... is not very comforting...

god this trailer makes me so hyped, October cannot come faster i need this movie NOW. please.

man the trailer is kinda confusing, i'm already making guesses on where things happen and what the context could be, but literally anything could happen in this film. there are so many things that just don't make sense yet and it's hurting my brain I JUST WANNA KNOW! are those new Symbiotes or not? What even is the plot? Will Eddie and Venom profess their love to each other? Will Sleeper be real? How many times will this movie make me cry? Only time will tell

...and it's only the first trailer! head so full of thoughts, heart so full of emotions!

[onebighappyaftonfamily]

FNAF Dashboard Simulator

🐊 not-coughin Follow

guys I hate living in hurricane utah. you will not believe what i just saw.

#cryptid sightings

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

Well? You cant just say that and tag it #cryptid sightings and not elaborate!

🕶️ cryptid_hunter Follow

Dont you know that Utah is full of cryptids man. They probably saw the Wire Monster

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

The what.

📸 Wire-Monster-Heritage-Posts Follow

Official Wire Monster Heritage Post

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

WHAT?

535 notes

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

GUYS IM ACTUALLY ILL. I WENT TO THE SKATEBOARD PARK AFTER HOURS AND A GIANT METALLIC MONSTER GIRL ON WHEELS JUST INSULTED ME. AND THEN SHE DID THE TRICK I HAD BEEN PRACTICING BUT SHE DID IT BETTER

🛹 tony-fawk Follow

tfw you're so bad at rollerskating that your sleep paralysis demon shows up to outdo you

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

PLEAAAAASE NO

89 notes

🎩 f-bears-family-diner Follow

We know what you did.

🌻 farmgurl1 Follow

This whole blog is giving ARG guys. But I googled the restaurant and it used to be a real place??? Someone pls explain

4 notes

⬜️ middle-of-nowhere-deactivated-02132022

GUYS I'm so scared for my life right now! bumped into his weird guy on the street and his hat fell off and his whole head was BALD AND PURPLE. like his skin was purple. And he smelled like roadkill. Did I just encounter a zombie?!

🎇 slaymechanic Follow

omg youre so rude! why are you demonizing that poor homeless man?! blocked

💌 cutsie_side_blog Follow

OP makes me sick

🖼️ simple-artist Follow

K

💽 foundfootagelvr3

U

🛤️ i-like-trains Follow

N

🏙️ king-sh1t Follow

G

🎼 classicalmusic1 Follow

P

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

O

87 notes

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Oh my god guys normally I just post about whenever this guy ends up on the news but I literally saw him IRL today! He's moved back to Hurricane Utah?! Oh my god!

🐻 fr3dbear_fan Follow

SAY SIKE RN HE SAID HED NEVER RETURN

🕵️ problem-sleuther Follow

you mean that guy who was arrested for killing a bunch of kids including his own daughter??? should we be worried

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Clearly you haven't done your research. It wasn't him. They're still not sure who the murderer was but a lot of online fans believe that the murderer might have been Henry Emily's co-owner and friend William Afton. Naturally the guy disappeared shortly after Emily's arrest. Right, @william-afton-sightings ?

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

The guy's a ghost. I've literally turned this blog into a search for the Vintage Spring Bonnie suit, seeing as it was what the murderer wore to kill the missing kids. It's also missing, btw. It was also the only suit William Afton would wear, and some reports say he didn't like it when employees wore his suit. I'm hoping if I look for the Vintage Bonnie suit, then Afton might be too.

🐇 bonnie_lvr Follow

I've seen a spring bonnie suit but it was probably a crappy cosplay or smth. horror attraction by my place is trying to make it freddys pizzeria themed (disgraceful)

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

I have literally never seen a cosplay of Spring Bonnie. DM me PLEASE

💽 foundfootagelvr3

WAIT BONNIE_LVR ARE YOU IN HURRICANE BECAUSE I SAW THAT PLACE TOO. OMG IS THIS WHY MR EMILY IS BACK?!

134 notes

🎬 vintage-show-polls Follow

🐊 not-coughin Follow

Ugh this is such a niche tv show all of you are just voting based on what you know of the animatronics, not the show. gtfo posers

💽 foundfootagelvr3

OMG PLEASE VOTE FOXY HES SUCH A FASCINATING VILLAIN PLS PLS PLS PLS FOXY SWEEP

459 notes

reminder this is unreality. go ahead and vote in the poll and click the link of that tagged blog tho

[wifeofwandamaximoff]

Fine...

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update I just didn't really have the motivation also I usually don't proofread my work so I do apologize. Also I wanted to update as quick as I can while making this so its a bit smaller then I would've preferred but ill try to make a longer part next time! Also thank you Max for the tips!

"Come in." Weems said from the other side of the doors. Oh how her voice was so raspy and soft. It's like whenever she talks her words are coated in love spider webs.

I step into her office, mentally preparing myself to see her. Once i'm in her office I instantly see her red plump lips that look so inviting. I quickly shake my head slightly to get out of my trance.

"Im here for our art lesson." I said with my stoic expression, my voice sounding like a hundred freshly made blades.

"Ah yes Miss Addams, I apologize I lost track of time." She said apologetically. Which I stared at her. The air in the room wasn't awkward but it wasn't comfortable either. She then decided to interrupt the silence.

"Follow me to the art studio then, this is where we will meet up instead of you coming to my office just like today." She smiled while standing up and walking around her desk.

She opened the door for me, I then step out of her office and wait for her to lead the way. When she was walking on her way to walk in front of me our hand's gently grazed each other. Making me feel spiders crawl in my stomach.

"Here we go Miss Addams." She smiled sweetly while opening a door. Inside there were a bunch of blank canvases, art supplies, etc. Basically any art supplies that some artist wished to have is right here in this very room.

I scan the room to see two canvases set up for the both of us and two stools. I look back at her to see her smiling at me with that soft smile that could make even an Addams's heart melt.

"Lets begin Miss Addams." She smiled, gesturing towards the stools. I stay quiet and go sit on one of the stools. She then goes to occupy the other one.

"Now Miss Addams what do you already know about art?" She asks me. I look at her, thinking if I should answer her or not. Eventually I decided to.

"About how to make art or what is art?" I asked in my icy cold tone. I see her a shiver a bit from that tone making my lips twitch in a small smirk. I quickly turn away, hoping she didn't see it.

"Well I suppose I should be more specific, what is art Miss Addams?" She said while clearing her throat. I see her starting to take off her gloves to reveal her soft porcelain skin.

Seeing her pale skin makes me shiver, but of course my skin was paler. "Art is a way of communicating with your thoughts and feelings, but thats the deeper meaning. Art is an object that is expressed with skill and imagination." I said while getting some acrylic paint out.

Weems just looks at me with a soft smile. "You think outside the box Miss Addams." She compliments. "Your first assignment is to paint what you have on your mind right now. Now this may take a couple of sessions to complete but do not rush."

I then think for a moment, I then look around the room. My eyes then look at her. In that moment I then decided what I was gonna paint.

----

The next day I was roaming the halls when Enid came up to me.

"Bell! The Poe Cup is soon and I was wondering if you could join us? Wednesday said she'll go if you go so please say yes!" Enid squealed. Shaking my shoulders making my tempted to cut off her fingers and stack them right in front of her.

"Ill think about it now please don't ever touch me again." I said before pushing her away. Not too hard but not to soft either.

I then walk to the quad, up from above I see Weems with her binoculars looking down at all the students. Our eyes then lock making her put her binoculars down and smile at me. Making a bowl of spiders crawl in my stomach. Which was definitely a feeling I was unaware of. I then turn away, walking to the art room since it was my free period and deciding to work on my painting for a while.

I peeked back a bit to see Weems with a sad expression before going back into her office.

I walked into the art room and looked over at Weems's painting. It seemed like a painting of black rose. My favorite rose...

"Lets play 21 questions hm? I think its only right since we will be giving these paintings to each other." Weems smiled at me. I just nodded.

"You will got first Weems." I said flatly while giving her my usual glare. She just nodded before thinking for a bit.

"Why did you decide to come to Nevermore?" She asked me after a few minutes. I think about my answer for a bit.

"Because I was in a boarding school in France before. I was there for a few years and I decided I wanted a change of scenery and Wednesday has expressed how much she wanted me to come back through our letters to each other." I said while starting to paint the background. Some clouds with hues of pale yellow.

"A boarding school in France? Wednesday told you she missed you?" Weems said, firing questions at me.

"Wednesday and I are very close. We always did everything with each other and for the question about me going to France for school. I needed to get away from mother and father. They were too affectionate and over-protective." I said while creating soft stroked on my canvas. I look over to see Weems with a bit of a sad look.

"Too affectionate?" She said in a bit of a sad tone which she tried to hide but I caught on right away.

"Yes too affectionate, they would smother me in hugs and kisses and always made sure to know where I was going." I said a bit softer then usual.

She just nodded which I thought was a bit strange but I brushed it off. I then started to think of what I should ask her.

"Do you think angels are good?" I asked. She looked at me perplexed since this was a strange question for me to ask her. She then thought for a bit.

"I do believe angels are good Miss Addams. They are supernatural beings that have many tales about their good deeds and what they have done for humans in the past." She said. I then see her finally starting to pain.

"Yes but only of their good deeds, they must have committed something down right sinful at least once." I said while starting to paint some golden gates. The gate ways to heaven hell. As I believed she was sent from heaven hell.

"What's your favorite flower Miss Addams?" She asked with a smile.

"A black rose." I said with ease. One of the easiest questions that could she could ask from me.

"It represents elegance and mystery." I said while glancing over at her. I see her get out black, grey, and white paint. I then quickly assume she will be painting my flower which made the corner of my lips turn up a bit before I shook that odd pleasant feeling down.

I then quickly return back to the present. Though I felt a strange feeling when I realized she was painting my favorite flower.Even though I already knew that it still made spiders crawl in my stomach. Basking myself in joy despair.

I then hear Enid calling my name which me roll my eyes. I then hear her open the door to the art room to see me which made her grin widely.

"Bella! Can you participate in the Poe Cup this year please?" Enid asked with puppy eyes which didn't prove effective on me.

"No." I stated plainly before going back to painting.

"Please Bella? I know I already asked today but please??" She pouted which made me roll my eyes before sighing.

"Fine." I said, finally relenting to join this silly event.

"Really?" Enid said happily, about to go in for a hug before I glared at her. Signaling to not do that.

"Oh Principal Weems will be so happy that you'll join! I told her how I wanted you to join the team today and she hoped that you would join and you did! I have to go thank her!" Enid smiled excitedly.

"Oh and we'll build the boat this week!" Enid smiled before walking out.

I sighed, already regretting my decision to join the Poe Cup. But I then thought about how Weems would be happy to see me play which made it kind of worth it.

I snap out of my daze, looking back at my painting of an angel. As I saw Larissa Weems as an angel. I mentally conflicted with myself if I should use Weems's face but decided against it since it would seem weird. I decided to put a mask on the angel. The identity hidden.

I then feel something crawl on my shoulder to see Thing. I glare at Thing, mentally saying to get off my shoulder.

Thing decided to stay on my shoulder which irritates me.

"What do you need Thing?" I asked while starting to paint the mask of the angel. Thing quickly starts doing signals which makes me look at him.

"You want me to help Enid build the boat?" I said asking him. Which makes him sign a yes. I sigh, looking back at my painting before starting to clean up.

"I suppose." I said setting Thing down on the floor. Thing then starts to lead the way to where our team was building the boat.

In the distance I see the blonde werewolf and my sister. I get closer and seem them both trying to paint a black cat which makes me sigh. I then decide to paint the other side.

"Leave the painting to me you fools." I said starting to paint. Enid looks surprised that I was helping out since Wednesday probably told her I wouldn't. It seems that Wednesday was surprised to. I just glare at them making them both quickly go back to painting the other side.

"Thing tie my hair up." I ordered which makes him do so obediently. He ties my hair making my raven hair into a ponytail. My hair shining a deep purple in the sun.

After about an hour of painting I am halfway done with my side. I look over to see the two gone. I then feel three sets of eyes looking at me. I turn around to see Enid and Wednesday looking at me paint. But there were only two people behind me. I drag my eyes around my vicinity to see no one us but us three. Weird...

I decide to ignore it and go back to painting my cat for our team.

After about another hour I finish my painting, going back a few steps to marvel at my work. I see Enid come closer, inspecting it before turning to me and smiling.

"Oh Bella it looks amazing! Thank you!" She said happily, about to go in for a hug which makes me step back immediately. Like second nature.

I see Wednesday right next to me, shoulder to shoulder. I see Enid looking at us excitedly before pulling out her brain sucking device.

"We should take a picture and make memories!" She said excitedly before snapping a picture of me and Wednesday making me a bit mad but I suppose it was okay. Just one photo...

After Enid took our photo I demanded to see it. Conflicting with myself if I could delete it or not. I take the phone and look at the picture. Me and Wednesday standing shoulder to shoulder, Enid in the corner of the picture. A failed part on hers of trying to include herself in the selfie. I then examine the photo.

But in the background I see a shadow...A shadow of a large figure. The tree right next to the shadow has three claw marks...

I then look back to see the shadow gone but the marks still there...

Taglist:

@poorwritingandstalecoffee  @maxfanartfan @a-goblin-named-cherry

[lifeafterartsch00l]

My fav sns smut

or some of it anyway

If Naruto x Sasuke fking nasty is your ☕️

I tried to find all these beloved authors to tag them, but I couldn’t find them all, if you know who they are, plz tag them! Let’s share the ❤️

In no particular order

Healing the Broken by KizuKatana

When people tell me about smut they read in printed books I’m like

Because it’s fics like these that amaze me with their ingenuity, creativity, originality, and boldness 🔥🔥🔥

AKA

This fic isn’t just PWP (although that’s fine too in my book), it’s so well written with character development, action & romance ❤️‍🔥 Predators by the same author is also excellent 👌🏽

Thx u @kizukatana 😊

“Chapters: 23/23

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Underage

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Angst, SPOILERS MANGA CHAPTER 693, Drug Use, sex during drug use, Canon-Typical Violence, canon!sasuke, canon!naruto, Addiction, Slash, narusasunaru, Fix-It, my version of how it should have ended, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, NSFW, Smut

Series: Part 1 of HTB universe

Summary: The war is over, and Sasuke is brought back to the village after his defeat by Naruto. But he is struggling to re-assimilate into the village. As his mental stability continues to erode, Tsunade and Kakashi ask Naruto to try a different treatment method. Naruto x Sasuke (slash - boy x boy). Post manga chapter 693.

Warning: Hard Yaoi (Boy x Boy) language, angst, mental illness, substance abuse, masturbation, eventual sex. Not appropriate for young readers. 18+

Disclaimer - As with everything I write on this site, I don't own the characters (Kishimoto does), and I make no money. My only payment is in reviews.

Spanish Translation by Linme (thank you!) “

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Me, to the artist (and English translator) of this visually stunning and well written doujinshi -

Seriously. It’s amazing. The visual metaphors. The angst. The way the artist can simply draw a single panel of a close-up Uchiha eye that is so outrageously sultry and sexy I don’t understand 🥵 one of the extra chapters unlocked something in me (the dream one). Bonus that it’s also really funny & has a lot of respect/empathy for its women characters too! If anyone knows who this artist plz let me know I would like to follow them until the end of the world ❤️ the ending healed me 💔

EDIT HOLY S*** GUYS I FOUND THE TRANSLATOR & ARTIST ON TUMBLR

Thx u @southnorthsound 😭❤️🫡🙇🏻‍♀️

Thx u @gigihorseinthehouse 😭 I love you I low key think you’re a genius ok sorry bye 👉🏽👈🏽

"https://archiveofourown.org/works/36581581

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Chapters: 60/60

Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki Boruto, Uzumaki Himawari, Hatake Kakashi, Nara Shikamaru, Temari (Naruto), Nara Shikadai, Akimichi Chouchou, Gaara (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Fanart, Fan Comics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, SasuNaru - Freeform, NaruSasu - Freeform, Translation, Doujinshi, Fix-It, how it should have ended, Angst, If you don’t understand how they ended up like that in Boruto READ THIS, Poetic, comedic, Loyal to canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, NSFW Art, Sex

Summary: A love story consists of different perspectives and different memories. It’s about saudade / realization / entanglement / out of control / hope / restart

Chapter700 background

Warning: adult content in extra chapters

Fan comics, doujinshi. It's highly recommended to read it on big screens such as iPad or PC. So you can see details about their facial expressions

One of the best Naruto fanart I’ve ever seen. So I translated it ❤”

Inevitablity by Sanauria_Maldhun

If the answer is

A) Yes

B) Kinda

C) Mind your own business rando internet pervert

Congrats all answers are correct = GO READ IT PLZ

Possessive & desperate 🥵 super gay, delicious angst, really hot 🔥 very enjoyable - fun tropes, everything hits just right, utter perfection ❤️ I’m not saying a lot because I don’t want to give away spoilers 😍

I couldn’t find this author on tumblr, plz tag in the comments if you know who they are!

“Chapters: 4/4

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, (between Ino and Naruto), Mutual Pining, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Banter, Domesticity, Pining, Naruto is so in love, and doesn't know how to handle his Feelings, Jealousy, Jealous Sasuke, Jealous Sakura, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Bottom Uzumaki Naruto, Top Uchiha Sasuke

Summary: Naruto's stressed and pining after a man who views him only as a friend. Deciding to get married to Ino isn't the best decision he's made (ever), given that they had been absolutely drunk while making such a declaration, but it's... a decision. Besides, what does he have to lose?”

You’ve gotten into my bloodstream (a bite of his heart) by lovenmaze

Nom nom nom 😉 kidding! Not literal cannibalism, it’s a metaphor for love, and this fic is beautiful 😍 poetic & sexy. One shot. Love how Naruto talks to Sasuke in this one (and makes him talk, too, hehe…) 🥵 delicious, please go tuck into this feast ❤️ author made an excellent fic playlist too!

Thx u @lovenmaze 😊

“https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430019

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Cannibalistic Thoughts, Cannibalism imagery, First Time, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Tender Sex, Blank Period (Naruto), Confessions, Idiots in Love, Not Beta Read, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Sex, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Smut, they’re both crazy about each other but thats not new, Poetic, Italicized Oh Moment, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, trust me it works and its SO good, consent is sexy !!!, lowkey vampire sasuke vibes

Summary: Sasuke tries to bite softly, he’s not going to eat him, maybe get a taste. Perhaps it’s stupid, but he wants to make sure, so he does. He opens his mouth, tongue touching the skin. His body shudders, and Naruto tastes warm, like skin or flesh; he tastes alive.

“A kiss is the beginning of cannibalism.”

AKA, The tender, fluffy, first-time, cannibalism (imagery), smut NaruSasu AU. [EDITED.]”

❤️Thx all u amazing authors u make me feel like this❤️

[rockstvrdotcom]

Hi! I was the one who recommended the Toby story and I LOVED it! (You're definitely one of my favorites if not my favorite creepypasta writer atm) I was wondering if I could make another request? Y/N trying to top Toby (more in a bratty way than an actual wanting to top way) but little did she know how shitty the day has already been for him because of one of the missions slender had sent on him and he really wasn't in the mood for her shit. And things just get rough from there 🥰 Also if you start an anon list can I be 💤anon?

☆ // IM GONNA FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU'RE SORRY, SWEETHEART! ✿⪼

aww tysm for the sweet words! it really warms my heart knowing you enjoy my writing, and ofc yes i'll add u to my anon list, i never originally planned on making one so ty for the idea!!

im not sure who the artist of the image is, if somebody finds out please tell me so i can credit them! i tried reverse google search but it didnt work D: i found the image on pinterest

im also so sorry for the super late post, shit has been a lil wonky lately and i recently js got my shit together LMAO, ill be back to posting.

CW: rough sex, choking, also degradation, overstimulation, brat taming

you were sat on the couch in the living room of the mansion. the rest of the creepypastas were either out on missions, or doing whatever the hell they were doing. slender was visiting his brothers, so you were all alone, free to do whatever you wanted to.

you sat there, awaiting for a certain someone to return. your hands were inbetween your thighs, rubbing at your clothed pussy. something about the fact that you could possibly get caught by somebody, toby or not, turned you on. but toby was expected to return from his mission first.

right on cue, you heard keys jingling around in the knob of the front door. you quickly repositioned yourself, pretending you were watching tv. the door opens and you turn around, seeing none other than toby. you greeted him, on purposely bending over the couch a little too far so he could see a peak of your boobs, only to be met with a stone cold stare. you were planning to get him to fuck you some way and when you saw him walk past you and into the kitchen, you realized it may be harder than you thought it would.

you trailed behind him, following him into his room. he looked over his shoulder, grunting in annoyance.

you took his shoulders and held him to the wall, leaving gentle and lustful kisses on his neck. you could tell he was bothered by something, yet you decided to continue anyway. you kissed and kissed until you pushed him past his limits. he escaped from your grip, walking away. you could see how tense he was, holding back from lashing out at you.

"i'm not in the mood for your bullshit, (y/n)." he almost yelled, pushing you onto the bed. you flinched, unsure what he was gonna do next. "you want this dick so fucking bad? you're gonna get it. and i'm gonna fuck you so hard until you're really sorry." he growled, flipping you over onto your stomach. he pulled your pants down and you yelped. you could hear the sound of him unzipping his pants.

you whined as you felt him go inside of you with no prep, but it slipped in easy with how wet you were. he thrusted in and out of you, his chest heaved as he fucked the absolute shit out of you. you moaned with each time he went balls deep inside of you, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. this wasn't like the other times you had sex, it was full of anger and frustation, yet lust at the same time.

you clenched around him as you felt his hand wrap around your throat, he took your chin with his other hand and shoved 2 fingers into your mouth. he slammed into you repeatedly while you choked on his fingers. tears streaked down your cheeks. you could feel your orgasm come nearer and nearer, and you whined around his fingers.

you cried out as your pussy spasmed around his thick cock, you came so hard your vision began to become blurry, white spots everywhere. toby still hadn't came yet, fucking you at an even faster pace now. still sensitive from your orgasm, you sob. maybe this was your punishment for bothering him. he leaned over you, still fucking and choking you as hard as he was before. he bit into your neck, almost enough to draw blood, and left kisses around the mark he had left on you.

toby removed his fingers from your mouth and roughly gripped your thighs as he continued to fuck breathy moans out of your mouth. "toby i just came- slow down." you pleaded, eyes watering from the overstimulation.

"shut the fuck up, you wanted this, slut." you almost felt another orgasm come with his words. you whimpered, clenching around him. he grit his teeth, your warm pussy tightening around him was almost enough to send him over the edge. he leaned over you and gripped your cheeks, kissing you roughly as he pounded into you.

his tongue played with yours, he tasted the tears streaking down your face as he bit your lower lip. "fuck, your pussy is so good.." he groaned as he continued to kiss you. you felt him throb inside of you, and you knew he was close.

"shit-" he said between clenched teeth as you felt him release his load inside of you. your eyes rolled back as you both orgasmed simultaneously, his dick twitching as his thrusting came to a stop. he bit at your neck to stop himself from moaning. you buried your face into the sheets.

he lightly squeezed your ass, then put his dick back in his boxers. he picked you up bridal style then placed your head gently on the pillows, pulling the sheets over your naked figure. your eyes fluttered closed as he put his pants back on and left the room.

[joka13]

FANFICTION (REQUEST): Weasley Twins x Reader (Hufflepuff Girl) - Lovesick - Part 3/5

WARNINGS: British swearing

"Ah, yes," Madam Pomfrey said in an uncharacteristically happy tone. It was early in the morning and the twins stood anxiously in the entrance of the hospital wing as the school nurse examined the sample flower petal they had brought to her. "Witches and wizards in Japan call this the Hanahaki disease."

Fred's eyes widened. "Disease? This isn't some curse? Or the result of poisoning...?"

Madam Pomfrey shook her head, smiling, and went to store the petal in a small bottle. The twins followed further into the room.

"How does this illness come about in the first pl—" George coughed. A fresh cloud of petals spewed out of his mouth and fell delicately to the tile floor.

"You are going to clean that up," Madam Pomfrey said without looking while she placed the bottle in a cabinet.

George took his wand out, pointed it at the flower petals in the floor, and quickly spoke, "Evanesco," and the petals disappeared.

Madam Pomfrey explained, "Unrequited love. That's the cause. It's rather common, especially amongst teenagers such as yourselves. I see it all the time."

"Common...? It's strange that we are only now learning about it..." Fred half-mumbled to himself.

"Well, you boys have obviously never been in love before," the nurse chuckled. "It's about time. I've been wondering if I'd ever see you in here for it. I shouldn't be surprised that it's taken this long. You're always too busy with your shenanigans to care about such things."

George's brow furrowed. "No... what? Wait... Why are you so cheery about this?"

"Because you need it," Pomfrey replied, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Do you mean love or the disease?" Fred asked.

Madam Pomfrey laughed. "Both. You two need a firm push in the right direction. There is a medical cure for the disease, but I won't give it to you."

"Why not?" the twins exclaim in unison.

"Because I want you to try to use the natural cure. You must get whatever poor girl you have feelings for to admit that she feels the same way about you. Do this within the next week. If you come to learn that the infatuation is not mutual, then come back to see me."

Later that day, the twins had a table to themselves at the back of the Divination classroom.

George doodled a picture of a drooping flower on the corner of his parchment paper. "Didn't Pomfrey say that dreams were stage one of the Hannah-hobo-or-whatever-you-call-it disease?" he whispered. "And coughing up petals was stage three? Now that I think about it, we never went through stage two."

"You're right," said Fred. "Though I'm not complaining. I've never found myself wishing and wanting for chest pains and vomiting."

George brushed the tip of his quill against his cheek thoughtfully. "Wishing and wanting for chest pains and vomiting," he repeated. "That's got a sweet, poetic sound to it, doesn't it?"

"Yes, yes. I'm quite the natural artist, you know," Fred replied, chuckling pompously.

"That's disgusting!" Hermione Granger commented from a nearby table.

"Your hair is disgusting," Fred retorted.

She scoffed, "And you're so immature." She went back to her book and began to run her fingers through her hair self-consciously.

George went on, completely unbothered by the rude exchange. "I wonder... Could it be because this is our first time... being in love?"

"You gits are in love?" Ron, the twins' younger brother, asked. He and Harry Potter sat at Hermione's table, and the three of them stared with curious eyes.

"Mind your own bloody business, Ronald!" George hissed. He turned back to Fred, his expression reverting to something calmer.

Fred spoke as if nothing had happened, though quieter so no one but themselves could hear it. "It could be. I think it may also have something to do with the level of our love and how suddenly it came on. I don't know about you, and I know it sounds cliche, but I'll confidently say that I've never met a girl like y/n."

"Yeah, same here," George said, nodding. "How should we admit our feelings to her?"

There was a long moment of silence between the twins. Professor Trelawney's ramblings filled in as background noise.

"I don't want to admit my feelings," Fred eventually said.

"Me neither. This is probably something along the lines of what Pomfrey was talking about when she said that we 'need a firm push in the right direction'," George sighed.

"She also said we need love."

"But I love you, Freddie."

"And I love you, George. And we don't need anyone else's love," huffed Fred determinedly. He leaned back in his chair, coolly linking his hands behind his head.

Another moment of silence.

George clicked his tongue and copied Fred's relaxed pose, saying, "You're in denial."

"You're right again, Georgie. We also need dear Mum's love. Life's not worth living if I can't have her cooking in it."

"Ah, but romance...," George said, waving his hand in a dramatic rainbow as if to say, "Just imagine...!"

Fred folded his arms in front of his chest like a child with a made up mind. "We've gone without it for this long," he said.

"...A kind, beautiful, mischievous girl who will vandalize public property with you..." George exhaled wistfully. "Someone to be the inspiration for your 'natural artistry'... Someone who will cuddle with you on cold days..." George snuggled up to Fred's side playfully.

Fred laughed and shoved his twin away. "That's not helping paint the picture... It's kinda spooky you mentioned cuddling. I mean, we sure have that twin telepathy thing, but now you're seeing my dreams!"

George gasped. "That's what you dreamt about last night? You're so naughty!"

"It was totally innocent cuddling!" Fred snorted, shoving George again. "What did you dream about anyway?"

"Quidditch. She was my biggest fan in the crowd."

"That sounds nice."

"'Twas."

The twins sighed in unison, each remembering the wonderful, though very temporary feeling that their dreams produced.

"George," Fred said in a way that prepared for a bold statement. "Let's make those dreams come true!" He sat up and pumped his fist into the air.

"So the Hannah-banana disease doesn't kill us!" George exclaimed, knocking his own fist against Fred's.

As they held their purposeful stance, both twins coughed at once, scattering flower petals all over the table top.

TAG LIST: @tomhockstetter7-111 @jasm-1ne @costheticbabe @luthien-elvenia-asher @megablonde22 @thecuteavocado @weasleylady92 @websfromallthespiders @rubyintheforest @weasleylover4eva @georgeweasleyslostearhq @im-coolrat @them-cute-boys @xmadigurlx @keirasinbin

[the1975attheirverybest]

Being Funny In A Foreign Language

Chapter 9- “I Know A Place…”

A/N: the penultimate chapter. I hope you like it but let me know what you think either way.

Warnings: mostly smut I think. Scenes strung together with a loose thread of plot. Some mentions of mental illness but nothing too detailed?

———

“What do you mean?” Matty frowned, stepping aside to let her into the room.

“What happened to your guitar, Matty? I haven’t seen you play it in a while.” She crossed her arms as she spoke.

He could tell that her tone was accusatory. Clearly, she must know something. But unless he can somehow find out what she knows, he has no idea how to respond.

“To be fair….” He turned around, not wanting to look her in the eyes as he lies to her. “I haven’t played that thing onstage in— fuck, maybe seven years now!” He walked into the living room space and Amelia followed closely behind.

“Yeah, but you always have it around. When you’re writing, when you’re doing work for other people…you always inevitably circle back to it.”

Ordinarily, Matty would feel touched and excited by how well she knew him, but at the moment, their intimacy made it difficult to lie to her. His efforts to deflect were not yielding the results that he’d hoped for. He began to pace nervously around the room. “What’s this ab-bout, anyway?” his voice cracked, momentarily, but he regained control of the calm pretense. “ Do you, like, need a guitar? I could recommend a few instruments if you tell me what you need it for.”

“Oh for fucks sakes!” Amelia sighed, looking up at the ceiling in frustration. She couldn’t believe the nerve on him. The fact that he was willing to feign ignorance disappointed her. But she wasn’t sure if the she was disappointed in him for trying to lie, or in herself for thinking that he wouldn’t. “why’d you give it up?” She asked, bluntly. “Why did you give that guitar to Marcus Fontana? And why’d you keep it from me? Why wouldn’t you tell me about it?”

Oh, fuck. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I- erm, he- wanted it. And…I wanted something from him. Seemed like a f- fair trade?” That was the truth. As vaguely put as possible. But still truthful.

“You gave it up to get Joshua and I into the event, didnt you?” Amelia was overcome with emotion as she spoke. “Don’t lie to me, Matty. I already know.” She paused, on the verge of tears, taking deep breaths. “He mentioned something about it when we saw him. I knew right away, but….it seemed impossible. Too grand a gesture. You love that thing more than you love some real people that you know in your personal life. You wouldn’t just do that for a stupid exhibit.” She shook her head, as if objecting to what he’d done. “But, I just talked to Joshua. You did do it, didn’t you? You gave your guitar up for-“

“For you.”

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think to stop himself. And now that they were out there, he felt immediately terrified. The silence scared him more than anything. The longer it went on, the more significant and dramatic his confession became. He needed to say something. Anything at all to make this moment pass.

“Is that what you came here to hear me say? That I gave it up for you? Fucks sakes! Alright. I gave it up for you. I- I- I gave up my guitar, one of a handful of my prized material possessions, so that you could go to this thing that you were dying to go to. So that you could have the experience, and meet the artists, and see the art that you have always loved and wanted to be in the presence of. There! I’ve said it. Happy now?”

Matty felt his legs begin to shake as he stood there, so he resumed his pacing to hide the fact that his knees were barely holding him up.

“W-why?”

“What’d you mean why?” He stopped again? in the middle of the room, turning to look at her with furrowed brows. A look that she was more than familiar with. Usually, it’s the look he would have on his face right before calling something, or someone, ‘stupid’ or ‘a fuckin dickhead.’ “‘Why?’” He scoffed. “Because I love you, Amelia.”

“No-“

“Because I fuckin love you. I’m in love with you and I would do anything for you. To see you smile. To know that you’re-“

“No, no. Stop.” Amelia shook her head repeatedly as he spoke. “No, no, no. Stop….stop it. Just- stop talking!”

Of all the ways that Matty has fantasized about confessing how he feels, the many scenarios that he ran in his head time and time again, he never once imagined her response to be “no.” It seemed improvable at the time. Now that it was happening, it felt like a huge oversight.

“You don’t love me!” She yelled, her eyes welling up with tears. “You don’t. Surely, you don’t. Surely you haven’t….felt that way about me and kept it from me. Letting me date other people. Letting me think that- that how I felt about you was unreciprocated, something that I needed to get over to save our friendship.”

Matty took a few steps towards her. “Amelia, it’s not like that at all-“

“Isn’t it? Really? Since- since when?” She stepped back the closer that he got to her.

“What?”

“Since when? How long have you felt this way?”

“Does it really matter? Love isn’t….its not something you can measure-“

“You’re not going to Matty your way out of this one. So just- just stop. Answer me. How long?”

“I- don’t know.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I can pinpoint a moment where I went from liking you as a friend to-“

Her eye rolls told him that he’d be better off not finished that thought. He considered her question a moment, in a genuine attempt to respond.

“Since we first slept together.”

“That’s was…” she paused, trying to count the time in her head.

Matty, of course, already knew the answer. “Ten months and two weeks.” He stated.

The confirmation overwhelmed her. Tears finally spilled from her eyes. This was vindication. This was proof, that this whole time, it wasn’t all in her head. The subtle touches, catches in his voice, the way he looked at her sometimes, whenever he thought she wasn’t looking, these ephemeral, impossible things that had, up until Matty, only existed in romance novels; they were all real. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t projecting her own unrequited love for him onto their interactions. But this was also frustration. Betrayal. The worst lie of omission.

“So you lied to me.” She shook her head, tears still streaming down her face. “You- you lied to me and you humiliated me. When I told you I loved you….you did every thing that you could to make it clear I was a hysterical hormonal little girl. Orgasm-drunk and confusing lust for love. I literally asked you to look into my eyes and tell me the truth and you lied through your teeth.”

Matty was shocked by the conversation that he found himself having. Was this a nightmare? How does him finally telling her how he feels turn into this. “No, no, no! I didn’t lie! I-“

“Even after you did all that…” she laughed in disbelief, “I came crawling back to you. I, I fell for it all over again. The whole ‘we’re just friends who sleep together’ act. Fuck- I’m such an idiot.”

“There was no crawling! You’re not an idiot!”

“Oh yes there was. There was. I was going to break up with Joshua for you. I told you I’d do it and you said no. And it’s my fault for letting you.”

Matty lunged forward placing his hands on her shoulders, looking into her tearful eyes. “Amelia,

Listen to me-“

“Don’t touch me!” She backed away, out of his grasp. “You claim you love me. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” She placed her hand on the door knob. Looking back at him, unable to recognize the person standing in front of her. “You let me go on believing things that weren’t true. Every moment that we’ve spent together as friends, you were feeling something else. Was any of it ever genuine or ….”

“Amelia, wait. Please don’t leave. Stay. Let me explain!”

“Save your breath.” She turned around, opened the door, and walked out without looking back.

***

Amelia swiped her keycard, her hotel room door blinked a green light, indicating that she’d successfully unlocked it. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and remain there for the rest of her life. In fact, with tear stains still on her cheeks, she was mentally drafting the contents of the text that she was going to send Tobias and Patricia to let them know that she wouldn’t be joining them for work today.

“Oh my god, Joshua!” She yelped, nearly startled as she walked into the room.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.” He said, zipping up one of his suitcases.

“Wait, what?”

“I didn’t wanna make this awkward. I was counting on you being with Matty right now. Thought I’d pack and leave while you were out.”

“No, no! Don’t be ridiculous. You stay. I’ll get a different room.”

“You don’t have to do that. It’s okay. I’ve already started packing.”

She walked over to him, placing her hand over his to stop him. “Please. It’s the least I can do.”

Joshua never could say no to her. Relenting, he smiled and nodded. “Fair enough. You did cheat on me.” He couldn’t help himself. “Sorry. Regretted that as soon as I heard myself say it. I’ll ummm….find a flight out soon. Just need a couple of days to get my shit together.”

Amelia looked down at her shoes.

“ I know I have no right to say this, but, I’m gonna miss you.”

Joshua chuckled. “No you won’t. You and Matty will get so wrapped up in each other that you’ll forget about my existence as soon as I’m outta here” he walked over to the coffee station and poured some water into the coffee machine.“Which is how it should’ve been in the first place. What are you doing back here, anyway? Why aren’t you gazing into Matty’s eyes right now?”

Amelia sat at the edge of the bed that they once shared, her head hanging low. “Not sure I wanna gaze into his eyes ever again.” She mumbled, just clearly enough for Joshua to hear.

“What? You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“Joshua, please-“

“Woman! We broke up so you could ride off into the sunset with him. Not- not whatever this is!” He threw his hands up in the air in frustrated. “I swear to god…..”

“He lied to me, Joshua! He- I can’t trust him. He kept things from me. He had every chance to tell me. Every time that we were alone he could’ve brought it up and he chose not to. That’s not the behavior of someone who wants to be with me.”

“Yeah, I won’t comment on the cheating cuz….what I have to say is unkind. But, I swear on my nana’s life, Amelia, if you let this man go one more time…”

Amelia laughed. “Don’t bring your nana into this!”

“I’ve seen the way that he looks at you. I tried to write it off, ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but I know what I saw. Matty Healy loves you so much that he- well, he made friends with me! Helped me surprise you! Just between you and me, Amelia? I’m not sure that I would’ve done the same if I were him.” Joshua smiled. “Then again he WAS fucking you this entire time so I don’t know maybe he just pitied me.”

Amelia thought back to every moment that she and Matty had spent together recently. His declaration of love now painted them in different colors. Every time that he begged for her to hold his hand as she hurt him. Any time that he freely gave her control, insisting that he wanted whatever she wanted. That he would try anything she wanted him to try and put himself

Through whatever she wanted to inflict upon him. Any time that he would seemingly gain new life whenever she called him a good boy or praised him in any way. And all the times that he would ache in desperation for that praise, send himself into a frenzy, if she withheld any words. Bend over backwards trying to earn her approval. All of it felt so different now. It felt familiar because she’d experienced all of it herself. She knew what it was like to feel what he’d felt. After all، that’s how she’d felt with him. Back when they first started their undefined sexual relationship.

“Hear the man out” Joshua spoke again, redirecting her attention. “You owe it to yourself. Maybe you’re upset with him. Maybe you don’t trust him, or whatever. But you love him. So, at least give it a real shot. That way, if you decide you don’t want him anymore, you’ll at least know you tried. You won’t wonder for the rest of your life. And you won’t date other men while secretly sneaking into his bed at night.”

Amelia’s face felt red with shame. “And I’m so, so sorry about that. I- will apologize to you for the rest of my life, really.”

Joshua poured himself a cup of coffee. Then poured some for her as well.

“You owe me this, Amelia.”

“Excuse me?”

“After what you’ve done to me. I’m invested now. You can’t let my broken heart be for nothing.“ he smiled, playfully. “What? Too soon? I’m trying to be the bigger person here.”

Amelia let herself fall back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and covering her face with it, she groaned loudly.

***

Adam pressed the “pause” button, feeling his knees wobble as he stood up for the first time, in, longer than he’d care to admit. He answered the door to a stoned Matty, eyes bloodshot, pacing nervously by the door, biting on his fingernails.

“Matty?”

“Can I- erm, I can’t sleep.” He looked down at the floor, feeling stupid for coming here. “Could I hang out here for a bit?”

Adam nodded, placing a hand on his friend’s back as he walked into the room.

“You hungry?”

Matty didn’t seem to hear him, immediately drawn to the video game on the screen. “Is this new?”

“Yeah, yeah. Picked it up the other day in New York.” Adam decided he was going to share his snack, anyway. “Matty! Stop fucking with - don’t! No!!! You’ll ruin my high score. You’ve no idea how long it’s taken me to get here!”

“I have some idea.” Matty pointed towards the circle of crumpled candy wrappers and empty bottles that had accumulated around Adam’s seat.

Silently, Adam walked over to his backpack and produced an extra controller, plugging it in and sitting by Matty’s side.

“no word from Amelia, still?” He asked, carefully, as if treading on ice.

“Nope.”

Adam waited to see if he’d elaborate. But the terse response was his cue to restart the game. He knew Matty well enough to know that if he wanted to talk about it, he’d say more.

***

“Amelia, please! We should talk.” Matty trailed after her as she moved from room to room backstage, giving a helping hand wherever needed. Not that it was her job to do so. They had crew members for that. But she needed to busy herself with something, anything at all, to avoid a conversation with Matty.

“I miss you.” He stated simply and concisely.

“Matty, please,” she stopped in her tracks, her back still towards him, “don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything. I wanna talk.”

“Not right now. Im busy.”

Before he could object, Ross and Adam rushed over, “c’mon mate we’re gonna be late!”

Matty heard them but refused to budge for a moment. Hoping that the urgency of time might compel her to soften. She just looked at Adam and Ross apologetically. Reluctantly, he allowed his friends to push him in the direction of the stage, but his eyes remained on Amelia until he could no longer see her.

****

The restaurant lights felt too harsh on his tired eyes so he put his sunglasses on inside as he walked in. They only shielded his vision for a few moments though. Soon enough, he saw his reflection in a mirror on the wall and he decided that he looked too much like a rockstar, so the glasses had to go.

The hostess walked him over to the table where his party had already arrived. Ross, Jamie, George, Charli, Adam, Carly, and a few friends of friends who happened to all be in the same city at the same time, and, of course, Amelia.

The whole night felt like an out of body experience. Perhaps being hungover from the previous night was already a bad start. But Matty had ended up next to Carly, putting him directly across the table from Amelia, with a perfect view of her every move. he spent his night alternating between glancing over at Amelia, wishing that she’d look in his direction or that he would at least get a hint of how she night be feeling , and asking Carly about things back home, the baby, and catching her up on some tour highlights. By the end of the night, he was exhausted and disoriented. He felt embarrassed for even entertaining the idea of sticking around, waiting to see if she would approach him. But, if he was being honest with himself, he wouldn’t bare it if he did stay behind only for her to walk past right past him, without acknowledgement. so, after dinner, he excused himself and rushed back to the hotel, crawling into bed instantly.

Yet, once again, he found it impossible to fall asleep.

It had been several nights since Amelia stopped coming by and getting into bed with him. He’d grown accustomed to having her there. He missed the smell of her hair right up against his nose as they desperately pressed their bodies together, the feeling of her arms around him helping to soothe him to sleep. Who would’ve thought that he’d see more of her when she was in a relationship than when she’d finally broken up with Joshua.

He entertained the option of drinking again. But the very notion felt pathetic. So, he ended up in George’s room. Asleep on the floor long after he should’ve gone to sleep.

***

Tobias, Patricia, and Amelia’s eyes were glued to the door, impatiently waiting for Matty’s arrival. It had been too long. Tobias has already shuffled and reshuffled the papers that were in front of him several times. Patricia clicked her retractable pen rhythmically and tapped her fingers against the table. Even refilled everyone’s coffee as they waited. Amelia, on the other hand, dreaded seeing him.

To everyone’s surprise (and Amelia’s relief) when the doors burst open, it was George who appeared in front of them.

“Matty’s…well, he’s asleep. I- think he needs it, so I’ve turned off his alarm. I’ll fill in for him.”

Their check-in was cut short, only going over the essentials to make sure the stage building would be ready by the time that they needed it to, and confirming with everyone that the now well-oiled, machine-like system that they’d developed after a year and a half of this tour was going according to plan.

“George? Umm….How’s he doing?” Amelia asked as they made their way to the exit.

“As well as can be expected of someone who has confessed their love for their close friend of many years only to have their heart crushed, stomped on, and shredded.”

“That’s not fair.” Amelia felt like her own heart was being shredded.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” George smiled softly. “He’s….don’t worry about him. We’ve got him. he’s rotating between each of our rooms every night, so we’re keeping an eye on him.”

Amelia nodded. “Good, good.”

“Can I just ask, just between us, what the fuck are you doing?” Once again, George had let his tongue go.

“Pardon me?”

“He told you that he loves you. Do you have any idea how much work that took him?”

Amelia rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d say that. You’re on his side!” She sighed. “I need time, George.”

“Time for what? The two of you have been obsessed with each other since- since- for as long as I can remember.”

“It shouldnt be work. Telling someone that you love them. It isn’t supposed to be this hard, don’t you think? Besides, he- he lied to me, George! He kept things from me. He made decisions for me. Assumed what’s best for me and what relationship I want to be in, and reached the conclusion that I wouldn’t want to be with him, all on his own. Without ever mentioning it to me. Do you really think that’s a good start to a relationship?”

“Has it ever occurred to you that those decisions he made, though misguided, have more to do with how he feels about himself than how he feels about you? Look- this conversation doesn’t make any sense. You should be having it with him. Not me.”

“I’m trying. But he has this….effect on me. I don’t know how to say no to him.”

“Then don’t. Say yes to him. Or for fucks sakes put him out of his misery.”

Amelia shrugged in defeat. “So, like, kill him? Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?…sorry. I was just making a joke.”

***

Amelia watched from the side of the stage as Matty held up the tech workers by hogging one of the machines. He wriggled cords, pressed buttons, and turned dials on the soundboard with a deep confused look on his face. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuckin hell.”

“Matty?” She hovered over his shoulder and he crouched down to check the wires that he’d already check on seconds ago. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t get this thing to work!” He jammed it into the outlet.

“Oh, I’ll …go get George.”

“No! Don’t do that!” He caught himself being a tad too angry and paused, deliberately adjusting his tone. “I’m…trying something. He won’t like me messing about. Ruining his….psychotic ‘system’ that he’s so protective of.”

She laughed, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Well, maybe I can help?”

“You can’t. It’s- too complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, right. Cuz I’m a certified idiot.” She turned around. “My bad. Won’t try to be helpful again.”

“Wait, what? Amelia! That’s not what I meant!”

“Fuck off.” She yelled out as she made her way out of the room.

***

Amelia set her book, face down, onto the duvet slowly, careful not to make any noise. She hadn’t ordered any room service, or contacted the front desk to send anything up to her room. She checked her phone for any texts or missed calls from anyone who might have tried to reach her through other means first, but nothing came up. This is why she hates being a woman, traveling solo, in strange places with dubious door locks.

She tiptoed over to the door, taking a peek. Shaking her head and cursing under her breath, she opened the door.

“Matty, what’re you doing here?”

He leaned against the doorframe. “Full disclosure: I’m a little bit buzzed right now. Not like off my tits or anything. But I’ve had a couple of drinks. if you send me away, I’ll understand.”

“Come in and be quiet. It’s late.” As always, she never could say no to him.

“I- I just wanted to come over here and say I’m sorry. I can’t stand the thought of you being angry at me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t sleep at night. I feel so- I don’t even know.” He shrugged, feeling suddenly helpless after making a dramatic entrance. His confidence was deflating as he looked into her eyes. He took a few hesitant steps, and, to his surprise, she didn’t back away.

“What I’m about to say…. I probably wouldn’t say completely sober,” he stepped even closer, more confidently now. “but- I think- the fact that you’re upset with me means that you love me, too. You love me, still. If you’d moved on by now, this wouldn’t be so difficult. You’d just….gently let me down and we’d move on.”

Amelia felt tears prickling her eyes.

“I get it. I’m a dickhead. I just wanted to be perfect for you. I wanted to wait until things were perfect. Not while I’m in the middle of a public crucifixion. I- I’ve ruined everyone who’s been associated with me. I mean, you’ve seen the Charli and Rina nonsense. And Jack, and..people I haven’t spoken to in ages….im on this insane tour where I try to mother a naked body double of myself onstage every night for some reason.” He giggled at his own words. “And- well, you know my state of mind. I just didn’t want you getting caught up in all that. I didn’t want to bring you down with me. I promise I wasn’t trying to hide things from you or make you choices for you. I- I just wanted to spare you the burden of…well, me.”

He looked her directly in the eyes, gently holding her by the shoulders. “I love you, Amelia. Forgive me?” He whispered, wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his finger. “Yeah? Say you forgive me please?” He dipped his head down, his nose brushing against hers. “Love me? Please?”

He kissed her lips. Her eyes fluttered shut, leaning into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His kissing grew desperate, whining and moaning into her mouth. She bit his lower lip, her hands roaming the hair on the back of his head.

He pulled away, regretful that his lungs couldn’t hold out even longer, and smiled against her lips.

“So, does this mean.. that I’m forgiven?”

Instead of responding, Amelia pulled him into her bed. She leaned further back the more that he inched closer, kissing her once more, until she was lying flat on her back and he was hovering over her.

Their clothes quickly discarded in a heap by the foot of the bed, Matty kissed up and down her body, hungrily, his breath hot against her skin, as he whispered “I love you” and “I’ve missed you” over and over like a prayer. His fingers ran down her sides, raising goosebumps all over her skin, his hands would find her breasts as he kissed below her stomach, and grab her hips as he kissed her neck, she was a mess by time that he’d dipped below her waist.

“May I please taste you?” He asked, softly, glancing up at her through his eyelashes.

“God, what’re you waiting for?” She pushed his face down between her legs, perhaps a little too aggressively. Matty’s chuckle was muffled by her skin, she felt the air of his breath in her core and throughout her whole body.

“Oh- fuck- that’s…so good.” She sighed, her eyes closed, a smile on her face.

Matty made quick work of sucking and licking into her, just the way that he knew she liked. Her body jumped abruptly when she felt his mouth on her clit, moaning unabashedly.

The wet sounds that his mouth made of her cunt, coupled with her moaning and whining, made Matty lightheaded with arousal. His own hips pushed instinctively into the bed as he attempted to steady hers.

“M-matty?”

Amelia tapped his shoulder when he didn’t seem to hear her. “Matty, honey?” She paused to admire the blissful look in his eyes and the glistening of his face. He was growing more eager to please her by the second, losing all sense of himself, sinking into submission.

“I- umm…need you inside me. Can’t wait any longer.”

Still panting, Matty nodded and propped himself up quickly, anxious to do as she says.

“Oh. Erm….condom.” He whispered, looking around for his discarded jeans.

“Check the nightstand, baby. It’s closer anyway.”

Matty fumbled and slipped in his attempt to slide over to the side of the bed, his entire body shaking and anxious. Amelia giggled at the mess that he’d been reduced to.

“You stay put, I’ll get it.”

“I can do -“

“Don’t you dare move okay?”

She handed him the packet, noticing that his receiving hand was trembling, she scanned his face carefully for a moment. “It’s okay. I’ll do it.”

“Sorry.” His cheeks turned read as he watched her roll it onto him.

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

It always amazed her how their bodies responded differently. For Amelia, being with Matty was freeing because it felt safe, steady, the unpredictability never worried her because at the forefront of her mind was the fact that, no matter what happened next, it was never going to hurt her. Matty’s desire, on the other hand, was different. Intense, wild, almost frenetic.

She clutched the duvet with her fists as he pushed into her, watching him throw his head back and groan in pleasure. All the anticipation that had him shaking had now come to a head. His body overwhelmed with stimulation from

Head to toe he remained perfectly still for a moment.

“Fuck…you’re so-“ his words dissolved into a gasp of pleasure feeling her stretch around him. “Tight.” He finally let out, smiling.

“Perfect for me.”

She’d forgotten just how perfectly their bodies fit together, how precise the movement of his hips could be, how well he’d knew her movements and preferences. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her chest and feeling the weight of his body on top of hers.

Matty buried his face in the space between her neck and her shoulder, moaning and whining into her ear as his hips rolled against hers. The sound of his voice and the shockwaves of pleasure overtook her.

“M-matty, I’m gonna cum.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before he felt her clench around him, her body straining against the weight of his.

His own pleasure followed closely after, feeling her cum all over his cock was just enough to tip him over the edge.

“May I-“

“Yes, go on, Matty. Cum for me.”

His face in the crook of her neck, she felt his thrusts grow harder, less intentional, he moaned out her name as he let go.

They both almost fell asleep in the perfect stillness, basking in bliss. It was a long time before either one of them made a move. It was Matty lazily turning his head to kiss her neck.

She smiled at the gesture, wrapping her arms around him.

“So, I think we have a lot to figure out now.” She mused.

Matty lifted his head ever so slightly to look at her. “Wanna figure it out over some dinner?”

She chuckled, her chest rising and falling under his. “I don’t think this conversation is the kind you wrap up over dinner. Unless you’re planning a very long feast. Which doesn’t sound too bad actually. I’m starving.”

“No, I know. But, we can start it over dinner. No rush, right?”

***

“Give me your phone.”

Matty blinked rapidly, looking down at Amelia’s open palm. she, on the other hand, stared right at him with an unwavering gaze. “Hand it over, Healy.”

“No.” He enunciated dramatically, trying, and failing, to his the grin on his face.

“What did you just say to me?”

Matty giggled, his sweet, melodic laugh almost wearing Amelia down. “Let me see, hmm….i believe I said ‘No.’”

“Alright, you leave me no choice. If I count to three and your phone isn’t in my hand, I’m gonna make sure you can’t take your shirt off and slut around onstage for the rest of the tour without the entire world seeing what I’ve done to your body.”

Amelia’s words sent a thrill through him, but he was adamant on winning this round. “That…sounds kinda hot, actually.”

Amelia burst into laughter. The sound of her voice always made him happy, even if he was rather confused at the moment.

“What? What’re you laughing about? Oi! Knock it off!”

“Sorry; sorry. I was just picturing the look on Jamie’s face when you took off your shirt and revealed big, bright red marks all over your chest and back.”

Matty rolled his eyes, groaning dramatically. “Fuckin hell….fine, fine. You can have my phone. Delete whatever you like, I’ll just download the app all again tomorrow.”

“Bitch, please. Do you think I was born yesterday?”

Amelia unironically calling him ‘bitch’ amused him endlessly. “What- did you just call me?”

He asked in between giggles, but she was too engrossed in her work.

“Alright. So, I’ve changed your Twitter password. Now I’m going to delete the app. On to Instagram….”

“Fuckin hate you.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” He admitted without a fight.

“It’s for your own good, you know. Alright, I’m done with Instagram. Now, I’ll change your Apple ID Password.”

Matty plopped down on the bed dramatically. Whining and kicking his feet. “You’re no fun! What if I want memes! Hmm? What then?”

“Use google.”

“What am I? a hundred years old?” He sat up quickly, offended by her suggestion.

“Here.” She handed him his phone back. “Don’t worry. I’ll text you memes every day. Unless of course I found out that you’ve been googling yourself.”

The petulant act crumbled away as soon as Matty’s eyes met hers. He smiled instinctually, already forgetting what it was that he was complaining about moments prior. He leaned in, kissing her lips, his eyelashes tickling her skin.

“Thank you. I know you’re trying to help.”

***

Matty’s naked body was drenched in sweat, his lips swollen, his thighs shaking almost as hard as the vibrator that Amelia had strapped to one of them.

“A-Amelia? I’m- ohhh… I’m dizzy.” He pulled against his restraints, too weak to even make them rattle.

“It’s cuz you’re so desperate.” She smirked.

“Please? I- I don’t know how much more I can take….feel like I’m on the edge of- of-“ he exhaled a puff of hot air “passing out.”

“That’s fine by me.”

“Fuck! Wh- what?”

His shock amused her. “Tell you what, let’s make a deal.”

“A-anything you want just please let me cum.”

“You’ve got two options. You get to cum right now-“

“Yes, yes! I choose that one, yes- let’s do that one!”

Amelia chuckled, “hold on let me finish. Hear me out.” She sat down on the bed to be at eye level with him. “You can either cum right now BUT then I won’t touch you for a whole week. ORRRR…you get another ruined orgasm and we carry on as usual.”

“What? Jesus fuckin Christ! Why?! Why- why won’t you touch me?”

She shrugged. “Which option do you want?”

Matty stared blankly ahead, more sweat pouring down his body, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He felt the pleasure that he’d been warding off for ages rise up again. His legs trembling.

“Co-could you- erm- turn it off so- I can think for a bit? Please?”

“Nope. You gotta think with the vibrator on you.”

He let out a pathetic whine.

“So…if I cum, you won’t touch me for a week…does that mean-“

She took mercy on him and finished his thought for him, “it means no sex, no hugs, no hand-holding. No physical contact of any sort.”

“No- no cuddles?” His eyes widened.

She laughed, taken off guard by his surprisingly endearing concern. “No cuddles.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, attempting to scrape some focus together to weigh his options. “If- if I let you ruin my orgasm- when- uhh” he paused, his eyebrows shooting up, “oh god. I…think I’m gonna-“ he swallowed whatever moisture had remained in his mouth, his lips sticking together.

“If you choose a ruined orgasm nothing changes. Might let you cum tonight. Or it might be next week. Or next month. We just carry on with what we’re doing.”

“Oh god. I can’t! I can’t choose! You choose for me!”

She watched his stomach tighten as he did his best to repress his pleasure. “What’s the fun in that?”

He attempted to smile but his confused state of mind and loss of control over his body made it difficult.

“Okay…okay. I - I choose- no orgasm. Don’t wanna cum. Ruin it if you want. Or- or keep edging me. I won’t cum. Promise.”

“Awe, really?” She rushed over to him and pulled his dangling head back so they could lock eyes. “Are you sure about that? You look ready to give up.”

“I’m sure. No orgasm.”

He felt high on the sensation of her hand cupping his face and was never more certain of a choice in his life. He’d never willingly give up a week of that.

Amelia reached over and untied his left wrist, helping to bring his hand down to his lap.

“Here’s the best bit,” she smiled. “You get to ruin your own orgasm.”

“Beg your fuckin pardon?”

There he was. Defiant and dramatic as ever. The matty that she knew was still in there. She giggled.

“Mhm. You heard me. Whenever you’re ready. You take away your own pleasure.” She stepped back. To give him space and to get a full view.

“Why? Can’t it just be you? Please?”

“I wanna see if you’d have the guts to do it.”

He thought about her words for a second, responding with a weak and small voice “ I’d do anything for you.” He resigned himself to his fate and brought his hand down to the bottom of the vibrator. His shaky fingers circling the control buttons to make out which button was the one he was going to need. “G-gonna, Erm- count out loud. For you.”

She nodded.

Matty counted slowly, breathlessly, on the count of 3, he let go, getting ready to cum, and just as his body began to relax, he turned the toy off, the vibrations stopping abruptly.

He screamed in pain his hips reflexively thrusting forward, chasing the nonexistent stimulation. His cock twitching involuntarily, his own cum hitting his face.

“Fuck! Ow! Hurrrtsss so- much” a high pitched whimper left his lips. His hard cock, sensitive, twitched slightly. He fought the sting of tears in his eyes.

Amelia attempted to act calm about it, but a piece of her hated seeing him in so much pain. Even when it was pain that he’d agreed to and that she enjoyed. She rushed over to him, too quickly and worriedly for someone who was meant to revel in putting him through this.

“Hey, Matty…” she spoke softly, hesitantly approaching the bed, unsure if he wanted her close or if he needed a minute.

“I- did it.” Matty whispered, his voice slightly strained from his earlier crying.

She was relieved to hear him, hurrying to kiss his lips. “You did it. You did so fuckin well.”

“Yeah? I was good?”

“You were the best!”

He sighed, relieved. “Okay. Good. Cuz I’m quite competitive.”

Amelia laughed silently, shaking her head at him.

“Right. Let’s untie you here…” she reached over to undo his right wrist, and then his ankles.

“Are we finished?” Matty asked with a soft tone that almost melted her heart.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. You’re drained.”

Amelia and Matty sat side by side, his spinning head resting on her shoulder. Every once in a while, she would nudge him and bring a water bottle to his lips, urging him to take a sip and replenish the fluid that he’d lost. He lacked the energy to express his gratitude but Amelia knew he was thankful anyway. He didn’t need to say anything.

“Matty? Can I ask - I mean… you were on the verge of busting like a few times tonight. Why- why didn’t you choose that option?”

“You don’t think I wanted to?” He laughed.

“Well, why didn’t you? I gave you the chance.”

“Didn’t wanna go without your touch for a whole fuckin week.” He stated simply as if it was the most obvious truth.

“Dirty boy.”

He smiled. “Nah, I don’t mean that sexually. I mean this…right now. Just…being able to touch you and feel you touch me.” He nuzzled into her.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Amelia.” His heart nearly jumped out of his body hearing himself say those words. “But…erm…Sexually is nice too, don’t get me wrong…”

***

Matty ran across the airport terminal, his backpack bouncing along, weighing him down. His feet doubled their speed as he got closer and closer to catching up with her. Finally, he tapped her shoulder, quickly intertwining their hands together.

Amelia jumped, startled. She turned around to find Matty’s hand in hers, his other hand offering her a bouquet of flowers.

“Are those for me? When did you-“

“Flower shop over there.” He kissed her cheek, his arm reaching over to take her suitcase.

“Thank you…wow. What’s the occasion?”

Matty shrugged. ���Dunno. Saw a family buying some for…I presume someone that they’re picking up or whatever. Figured why not. You deserve flowers too.”

“That’s sweet of you, Matty. Did you have a good flight?” She squeezed his hand.

“Would’ve been better if you’d sat next to me.”

“I…know. But I figured you have a hard time with flights and….i don’t know. Maybe you’d want some space. Hann always seems to know what to do when you’re overwhelmed.”

Matty nodded. “It was good to hang out with the boys, yeah. But I wouldn’t have minded having you there. Did you have a good flight?”

“Perfect. Had dinner and a drink, put on a face mask, went right to sleep.”

Matty’s eyebrows shot up. “You and I handle travel very differently.”

***

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Amelia stood over him, lighting the candles one by one and gleefully watching him squirm.

“I- fucked up.” He winced in anticipation of anything happening to his bare chest.

“Be more specific.” She clicked her tongue.

“I’ve been ignoring all the rules. For over a week. I haven’t…really had a good nights sleep or a proper meal in ages.”

“And I warned you.” Amelia felt her frustration regain its power as she thought about his recently actions.

“I’m sorry.”

She smiled. “You’re not. But you’re about to be.”

Matty whined, squeezing his eyes shut.

Molten wax pooled in the middle of the candle, Amelia tilted it, holding it over Matty’s chest and watching the liquid tip over the edge and drip down onto his skin.

“Oh FUCK!” He hissed, his body jumping at the sensation.

“Eh. That wasn’t too bad. I should do it over your nipples now.”

“What- no! Please- OH MY- fuckkkk. That HURTS!” He yelled.

“Breathe, Matty, breathe. Open your eyes. Look at me…. There you are. Prettiest boy. Listen, you know you can tap out, right?”

He nodded, his pained expression relaxing gradually.

“Okay. Just checking. Now, gotta do it to your other nipple.”

“Christ! That- is-“ he gasped, his body shuddering in pain.

The more his tolerance built up, the more aggressive Amelia got with her wax, drawing shapes of different sizes and colors all over his chest? stomach, and circling the tattoo right above his hip. She had him crying and apologizing in no time. But it wasn’t until she’d asked matty to turn around so she could torture his calfs and underside of his knees that his worst pain hit him.

“Matty?” She called out to him as she set down her candles. “Matty, love, look at me, please.”

His sweat and tear cover face turned towards her. The look in his eyes told her all she needed to know.

“How’s your pain right now?”

“I’m fine.”

Amelia remained quiet. giving him a chance to change his answer. She repeated her question, again “how’s your pain right now?”

“Keep- keep going. I can take it.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes before getting up to blow the candles out. “You’re not getting this are you?”

Matty had to admit that his head was foggy with pain, Adrenalin, and the desperate desire to atone for his mistakes, but still, he felt he’d done nothing wrong.

“I’m tapping out.” Amelia announced. “I’m calling red. We’re done. This is over.”

Matty sat up quickly, his head spinning from the sudden movement. “What? Why! What have I done? I’m sorry! Amelia, please! I don’t wanna make more mistakes-“

“You haven’t made any more mistakes. That’s the thing, Matty. It’s the same mistake that you keep making over and over again. You burn yourself out, neglect your own wellbeing, just to accomplish the things that you think will make you worthy of the most fundamental needs.”

Matty felt her words like daggers to the heart. He knew this about himself. But he liked to pretend that it worked for him. Listening to Amelia lay it out for him so bluntly felt like a betrayal of confidence.

“You did it all week when you ignored sleep and food and rest to squeeze in every bit of work possible. And you did it just now by forcing yourself to take more than you can handle to make me happy. I pushed your limit on purpose. To see if you’d tap out. And you didn’t. But I know you were in pain.” She broke her own heart as she spoke. “I’ve - never - seen you writhe and bite down on the bedding so hard before.” She sighed, disappointed that her excitement had yielded the exact result that she knew it would. “I can’t have you treating yourself so poorly. And- honestly, we can fuck around with pain like this if I can’t trust that you’ll safe word out of the situation whenever you’re no longer having fun. I punish you so that you don’t have to punish yourself. What you’re doing, forcing your body through….its never gonna work.”

She watched him tug at the duvet nervously and knew that he was overwhelmed. She wished she knew how to help him process whatever was going on with him. The fact that this was reaching levels of concern beyond her capacity to handle scared her. He needed more help that she could give him.

***

Tonight’s show was amazing. Amelia spoke softly, running her fingers through his hair. She was half certain that he’d fallen asleep with his head in her lap.

He hummed in response, proving her wrong. “Was, wasn’t it?” He mumbled, his words slurring, voice laced with sleep.

“You wanna go to bed?” She suggested

“Wanna stay with you.”

“The idea is that…well…I’d be in the bed with you.”

Matty smiled, taking a deep breath and mustering all his leftover energy to open his eyes slowly. “Hi.” He looked up at her. “I just mean…we haven’t had a chance to spend time together in a minute. Just us.”

“I know. But you’re tired. Which is understandable. You put on a great show. I can’t imagine having any energy left after that…’People’ performance.”

A slow, self-satisfied smile grew on his face. He blushed at the compliment. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I…”

“You all were.”

Matty sighed, relaxing further into the bed. “The thing about us, Amelia, is that-“

“You just keep getting better baby?”

Matty chuckled loudly, his whole body shaking as he laughed. His sleepiness definitely made everything seem funnier. “I love that you can read my mind.”

***

Amelia’s heart pounded in her chest as she shuffled out of bed, rushing to the door. She checked to see who was knocking at her door at this ungodly hour. Relieved that it was Matty, she opened the door quickly.

“What on earth brings you-“ the look on his face rendered her instantly speechless. “Matty what’s wrong?”

“My head is- I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking. I’m so anxious. I can’t sleep. Brain feels so full. Like it’s going to explode.”

She didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and pull him in for a tight hug. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Matty. Breathe, my love.”

She gently guided him into the bedroom, rubbing slow circles into his back.”

“Oh, fuck. You were asleep weren’t you? I woke you up didn’t I? I - I shouldn’t have come here, I’m sorry…I’ll - I’ll leave.”

He made an attempt to pull away, but Amelia held on to him, perhaps, too aggressively, “no! You’re not going anywhere”

She held his hand, leading him around the room, to bed, urging him to sit down. “Stay here. I’ll turn on the light and get you some tea or something.”

“Don’t want any tea, Amelia. I just…I want….”’

“What do you want?”

“I want you. Just you.”

She slid into bed next to him, letting him toss and turn, and wiggle around until he got comfortable. When she was certain that his nervous energy had stopped simmering, she pulled him into her chest listening to his breathing mellow as he l focused less on what was going on inside his head and more on the feeling of her skin against his.

In the harsh light of day, Matty’s panic felt even worse. like a hangover without the reckless indulgence of the night before. He knew he couldn’t continue to feel this way for much longer.

“I think I need help.” He suddenly announced, breaking the silence in the room as Amelia had busied herself with arranging their room service breakfast.

“What do you mean?”

“Professional help.”

“Oh. O-Kay. Umm…that’s good! It’s good, right?”

“I have no fuckin clue.” He spoke slowly, his voice getting lower and lower with each word.

This didn’t seem like breakfast conversation, so Amelia let go of the cutlery and sat on the bed next to him.

She held his hand in hers. “It’s good, Matty. This is good. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I don’t know that it is. I don’t think im the sort of person who does well with relinquishing control to the authority of others.”

She couldn’t argue with him there.

“The very notion of therapy depends on someone having privileged access to my brain. Knowing more about me than me. Does that not sound utterly absurd? That’s fuckin mental!”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. They don’t know more about you than you do. They just know more about whatever….psychological disorder you’ve got and they know ways around it or whatever.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “What if- what if that’s not true. What if ‘disorder’ is just a word for weird. Like, weird isn’t always a bad thing.”

“No, no.” Amelia shook her head. “Respectfully, nope.” She squeezed his hand “you are more than just your fucked up brain. And the fact that you identify your entire existence with the thing that’s hurting you is proof that you’re fucked up, kinda.”

“Right.” Matty nodded along.

“Look, you always say that you don’t want to be the kind of person who thrives off of drama, right? You refuse the idea that an artist needs to be fucked up in order to make great art, right?”

“Of course.”

“There’s always this notion that…like…the best artists were great because they were mentally ill. That’s not a thing. Except in tv and film where like characters must suffer to think great thoughts. People always say “oh maybe Van Gogh was a bit crazy but he made great art because he was crazy. That’s just not true! The guy cut off his ear!!!”

Matty giggled. “Gonna cancel you for using the word crazy by the way. Just wait until I tell Twitter. I’ll get myself uncanceled by feeding you to them.”

She rolled her eyes. “Or your example-“

“Right. The Burroughs thing. I’d rather his wife have lived than have read Queer. I get it. I get it. You think you’ve bested me with my own logic. Ugh. Fine.”

Amelia’s face lit up. Proud of herself for disabusing him of his misconceptions. “Fine? Really? As in, you’ll try therapy?”

“I’ll fuckin try. But if they put me on pills and I lose my sparkle, it’ll be your fault.”

“Please. If it were possible, your sparkle would’ve faded a while ago.” She reached over to kiss him.

That kiss was the final push that he needed. Matty waited for her to go into the bathroom after breakfast, and he pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Louis, you alright? Mhm. Right, so, listen. I’d love to chat — maybe I’ll call you back later— but I’m in a hurry. I just wanted to ask if you’ve spoken to mom and dad? And they’re fine with it? Right, no. It’s better if you deliver it. I’ll just fly you out whenever. Text me some dates and stuff. We’ll get it sorted. Okay, cool. Cheers, then. Talk to you soon.”

[pixelatedraindrops]

Hello everyone!! Today I grow a year older :3 (and I hate it lmao) FEEL FREE TO REPLY BIRTHDAY WISHES IF YOU WANT :3

So, over the time I've come back here, I've become pretty confident and proud of my once hidden passion about sick characters, sickfics and sick comfort/whump... 🌡️

And you all have been so supportive and sweet despite my weirdness so I thank you for that. You helped me feel more confident in my otherwise weird fixation <3 So, for my birthday I thought I'd try and make up a little drawing challenge for anyone who wants to give it a try... There are soo many talented artists on this site (and in this fandom)

So... It's your turn to target your faves now. You will see how fun it is and hopefully understand why I love doing it so much. 😈🌡️

(plus it's my birthday and I require some sustenance LMAO JKJK)

But yeah anyone can join in. This is just for fun though! You don't have to if you don't want to! I think its okay to ask for some food on my birthday though...right?? X'D So if you wanna do sth for my birthday...then... 👉👈 💦

CHALLENGE BELOW~

DRAW YOUR FAVE ON A SICK DAY CHALLENGE🌡️😷🥵🤧

~~~~

(Mmmmkay, I am lying to myself when I say this isn't mostly aimed at the RainCode community... X'D Can't help myself. But anyone can join regardless of the fandom!!)

So here's the challenge and the rules!! (featuring my two main lil targets ofc :3)

Regardless of who it is, put your fave through some sickness hell >:3c I'd love to see it! Make em' as miserable as you want!

destroy them 😈 jkjk XD

If you're in the RainCode community you can target anyone, but as you know, my main targets are Yuma and Makoto. If they're also your faves and who you decide to use, that will make me extra happy!

Some tips for anyone new to drawing a sick day scenario art. A few things that make it look convincing are the following:

Pajamas or Loungewear

Messy Bed Hair

Fever flushed face w sweat or at least a red nose

Tired Eye bags

Shivery body

Ice Pack or a Compress on the head

Thermometer sticking from their mouth

LOTS OF BLANKETS

Tissues or medicine surrounding them

Tea or Soup (or both)

Those are just to name some from the top of my head. If you'd like some pointers on how to make a character look ill, check out my Fever Coloring Guide. This is for digital artists but traditional artists can try it too!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

The scene can be anything you want to, it can be fluffy and wholesome (with a caretaker) it can be angsty, or it can be silly. Its all up to you! Do it for the sake of fluff! Caretaking scenes are the best for any kind of relationship >w<

Either way, have fun with it!! I look forward to see what people make if they decide to give it a try! It doesn't even have to be a full on picture! Doodles and sketches are fine too! Just show me something >w<

(feel free to tag me and say happy b-day and mention my challenge, I am proud to be known for this and would love for many to participate :3) I wanna see you take a go at it :3 Show me your style! :D

~

~~~

(wow look at me misspelling the word writing on text when I did it fine with my own hands lol)

Now, I know not everyone can draw...

Well never fear! I accept writing as well! ✍️✍️✍️

(hi vivia lol sorry for giving you a cold, at least you have an excuse to read and do nothing now haha x3)

Sickfics are one of the biggest things I live for! Any little drabbles or full fics with more than one chapter are welcome! Again target who you want any fandom you want, but I'll def be super happy if you make a RainCode fic. And even happier if you target my faves as well, but again, anything will do! Just make a cute story about your fave being miserable and being tended to! Trust me, it's super fun!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

Feel free to post your writing here and tag me or mention my AO3!

If you need a start to your fic, look on my blog for illness prompts! Maybe it can help give you a good start or give some inspiration! (thats why I share 'em :3)

I look forward to anything you try to write!

~

That's about all!! I hope you decide to participate! ✨

Good luck, have fun, and godspeed you future whumpers! 😈

(nah jk XD)

AGAIN THIS IS FOR FUN! NO PRRSSURE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

[eazy-peazy54]

My problem with the Will Wood fandom, (a.k.a touch grass, a.k.a stan culture can suck it) (an essay.)

This one is LONG and a DOOZY, so buckle up if you like to read.

just want to clarify, i do NOT hate the will wood fandom in itself. AT ALL. I love you guys (/p)

i just dislike the people who say weird and creepy shit. if that doesnt apply to you, cool! but tell the people who do that shit to knock it off.

NO DISCOURSE IN THE REBLOGS I WILL ATTACK YOU

One HUGE gripe I have with the Will Wood fandom is how some of you guys treat Will Wood like (and this is literally the only way I can put this that isn't too serious) some all-powerful deity of knowledge that you would kill AND die for. In this essay, I will explain why [some of] you are fucking creeps.

Will Wood. Where do I begin. For the very few who are unaware, Will Wood is a singer-songwriter who makes very strange avant garde whatchamacallit evil jazz/swing music. He has been known as Will Wood since 2015, where he released his first album, Everything Is A Lot, under the name Will Wood and the Tapeworms.

Me personally, I first heard of him from the song Dr. Sunshine Is Dead, from the good old days of 2018 animation meme Youtube.

Ever since the inevitable Tiktokification of the song I / Me / Myself, from The Normal Album, the Will Wood fandom has become... well.. full of children. I have no place to speak, of course, because I myself, am a teenager, but I'm talking like. 11-14 year olds.

11-14 year olds who are all fucking INSANE.

Will Wood has been put in what I like to call;

The Holy Trinity.

This being the big three artists who the mentally ill queers (like me) listen to.

Lemon Demon, Tally Hall, and of course, Will Wood.

Being in this holy trinity has both done him good, and bad. On the positive side, yay!! More streams, more plays, more people to appreciate the craft, and more people who like the music! On the negative side, now you have an army of children listening to adult music, interacting with adult music and music videos, who are willing to do ANYTHING to get your attention, because they are young and don't know much better.

And here, stuck in the middle of it all, is poor William.

Stuck as a straight "gay icon," in a sea of twelve year olds.

Well shit.

---

Leading to the second part of my half-essay.

2020. The year shit changed for Will Wood. The Normal Album was released, and people found themselves relating to I / Me / Myself, as stated before. Then this "new," unheard of fandom was kind of birthed upon Tiktok. They were treating him like fucking jesus.

Which is weird.

They were sad, gay, looking for answers, and found them in Will's music. Which is like. Cool!

But when people were saying that he was trans, and then switched up and said he was making fun of trans people?

Yeah. Not that cool actually.

Coming back to the present now, Will has stated how weird these kids are.

In a response from a AMA for In Case I Make It on the official Will Wood subreddit, (I know. Ew, gross, Reddit, but this post was what inspired me to make this in the first place, so,) Will says this:

---

"When I was living in the sticks along the Delaware during the pandemic, I had this weird sort of mystical thing going on inside my head that was trying connect dots in my life and turn meaningless nothing things into signs that I would die.

This was happening around the same time I was dealing with getting actual public attention for the first time, and was living in an area where nobody wore masks, and was living with people who were at risk of serious covid complications if they caught it. Also for most of it I was the dreaded 27, and having been a bit of a junkie in my younger years and an idiot with a barely-treated psychiatric wreck in my brain for most of the ones following it, it was not unlike me to assume I'd die young.

It just seemed too perfect.

As I was dealing with the reception of the normal album (my first truly scathing reviews, I/Me/Myself "discourse," being the subject of conversation on a larger scale) which was beyond what I was prepared for psychologically in terms of its scope and type, my anxious rumination started to veer toward genuine paranoia.

I started thinking that I would die by my own hand or be murdered by one of these crazed Will Wood fans in the dead of night. So I didn't sleep like ever, I lost a bunch of weight and couldn't gain it back for a while, I freaked out a whole bunch and I'm surprised looking back I never lost my sobriety or whatever.

Since it started to look more and more like cosmic fact that I was doomed, I started to feel greater and greater desperation to get out these songs that I had been quietly writing over the previous year or two. Songs I'd written while going through a big breakup and wrestling with rotten parts of me that were finally accessible due to my finally being properly medicated and dealing with the real shit in therapy. And then songs I'd written as I went through these changes."

---

Obviously that is a lot to unpack for a Tumblr essay, but since you’re this far, you probably read it all already.

“Stans,” as most would call them, and “Stan Culture” as a whole, is just a huge wreck. Everyone is always fighting someone. We know this. We all do. Stans scare artists. 

I want you to think. Think of the artists who are inspired by Will Wood. The ones who want to cater out their music to the Will Wood fans. Imagine if you will, those artists seeing that AMA post, seeing the crazed fans, seeing the relentless sexualization, the jokes about serious issues, like Will’s past drug use, seeing all of this and thinking:

“Is it really worth it?

Is it really worth all of this to make music and put myself out there?”

Now, that may make you uncomfortable, but it's the honest truth. And it's happened to so many people, and so many artists. 

---

And now a message to the disgraced kids who managed to latch on to Will Wood’s music.

Treating a musical artist like a god is not gonna help anyone. I’d know. I’ve seen it happen multiple times, to multiple artists. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is think before posting on the internet. Think to yourself; would I say this to the artist's face? Could someone see this and think differently of me? Is this just weird to say in general?

Remember that these people are real people. Will Wood is a real person. With real thoughts. real feelings. a life to live. He's not just some music making machine. He’s not just some silly character. He’s not just some whimsical guy who we can all project onto.

Will Wood is a real person, and everyone should treat him that way. 

Thank you for reading.

(I will edit this essay if I think of anything else to add. That or I'll just reblog it.)

[gabrielapazlima]

gabby i dont think you understand how genuinely impressive your stuff is on a technical level. you somehow have the motivation to draw EVERY DAY, and the majority of those drawings are colored, shaded, full/nearly full body pieces with at least two characters in them. like dude. that shit takes EFFORT. and you make COMICS too ?@!??@! I'VE TRIED TO MAKE COMICS BEFORE AND IT KILLED MY MOTIVATION INSTANTLY, AND I WASN'T EVEN DRAWING ANY BACKGROUNDS OR ANYTHING. YOU ARE A WIZARD TO ME. you clearly understand how to make characters interact with each other and their environment believably and it shows so well.

you're also able to TURN characters. you don't just draw a front view, you draw back views and side views and you do so consistently. I can pick out a bunch of artists who i think draw very good but they don't seem to draw poses as diverse as you do. you're also INCREDIBLE at depicting different body types and have a good grasp on color and lighting. and you do all this on top of keeping your art expressive and adorable. LIKE BRO. YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE SKILLED THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR. you are an AWESOME illustrator and comic maker.

it sucks seeing you put yourself down because you're GENUINELY such a good artist and you deserve all the followers you have and i hate that you can't see that :( we all love you gabs ❤️❤️❤️ - the-smiling-doodler (this is my tumblr main)

Hi and sorry for making you see all this stuff,it must be a pain have to see the vent from a mentall ill artist everytime you looking though my tml

second:Thanks,

no but serious,i really needed to hear something that make me feel less inferior....i always see other artists doing fantastic works and i always fell bad for me for not doing those stuff but then i remember that i just started ACTUALY fully drawing in december and i still leaning good drawing techinques with a actually GOOD program...i had dreams abt pushing my artist talent foward in this fandom but...i ended up not doing half of i was planing to do for.... a lot of reasons...i feel if i was more emocionally mature i would be WAY better than i am but idk how to stop this feeling...

but thanks me anyway,idk if artists are ALWAYS that critical of themselves or im just that insecure,but i will try to work in that okay?

anyway luv u!ur a angel fr ❤

[taestefully-in-luv]

Pick of the Patch | KTH 

banner by @persphonesorchid :]

Summary: You’re a struggling artist with a strong desire to escape so when your mother suddenly calls and asks you to return home to replace her in this years Harvest Festival dance, you never said yes faster. However, she informs you that you’ll be working with another dancer, Kim Taehyung and upon meeting, you decide you do not like him…but right when you think you could grow up and move past it, Taehyung makes it clear that he does not like you either

Pairing: Taehyung x female reader Genre: fluff, angst, smut, enemies to lovers Word Count: 20.9k  Warnings: swearing, some alcohol consumption, sad oc, feeling lost, feelings of regret, Taehyung is kinda an asshole (for reasons🥺), illness, character death, crying,  FLIRTING. smut warnings: so much flirting, little dirty talk, mentions of sex, sensual making out lol, oral (fem rec) vaginal fingering, protected sex, multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, ass and breast groping, I think that is it.

A/N: sorry it is a day late, I had some personal stuff:] this is a part of the Autumn Leaves Collab! 

© taestefully-in-luv

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every fallen leaf and any breeze that feels crisp enough to bite at your skin, sucks you into your favorite memories that almost feel forgotten. They’re not forgotten but with how hectic your life has been…well, yeah, almost. Summer has been replaced with the season that brings the most change and good god, you could use some change.

You left home years ago to pursue your dreams of becoming an artist—your mother urged you to follow that dream despite how little you visited home nowadays. Every phone call or text is just your mother continuously cheering you on and giving you the hope that you can be worry free. She’s good. She’s happy. And all she wants is for you to live your dream.

It’s too bad that the dream you wished for isn’t exactly all you imagined. Your art career was once thriving but lately…the last year or more…it’s come to a sudden halt. No inspiration, no motivation and when you do create something it lacks any depth—meaningless. 

You stand here, the sky painted in a light gray as orange leaves fly across creating an interesting mix of colors. Funny, mix of colors feels a lot like your mix of emotions. It’s been a while since you stood in front of your childhood home and it’s been a while since going to the Harvest Festival—you know, the entire reason your mom asked you to come back home for a bit. 

When you were a child the Harvest Festival was the most magical time of year. Who cared about something like Christmas when you had the season of change? Colors transformed, cool breezes ran through your body and soul and the most important thing of all? The Festival that brought this town together. Especially the Harvest Festival dance. 

You smile to yourself, eyes on the autumn decorations your mother put out in the yard. She leads the dance every single year. When you were a kid, you watched your mother dance beautifully to the sound of drums and wind instruments. You watched in awe, copying all of her moves and bragging to everyone that it was your mom. Your mom who made the feeling of change feel so welcoming.  

Your mom called you around a week ago. Asking about how your art was doing and you decided to be honest with her—it wasn’t going well. You almost wanted to cry into the phone but your mom only sighed out and a smile could be heard in her voice. “What perfect timing.” Is the first thing she said. And then she was asking you to come back home for a little while to replace her in this year’s Harvest Festival dance. She explained that she isn’t the same young and vibrant woman she once was…frankly, she’s tired. But what better than her daughter to take over this time around? 

You thought about it only momentarily. This was the perfect escape. So, here you are. Standing in front of your childhood home and trying your hardest to embrace something like a change. 

“Hello?” You call out, poking your head inside the house. It’s quiet but you’re immediately hit with the smell of cookies that you imagine are still in the oven or just came out. “Mom?” 

“y/n?” You hear the sweet voice of your mother before her body turns around the corner down the hall. She lights up. Smile so wide that you already feel like you never left home to begin with. “Hurry!” she waves you over, “You’re going to let all the heat out if you keep that door open.”

You glance behind you before trying to haul your luggage through the doorway, “Sorry, sorry.” 

“How was your trip?” She begins walking closer to you, “Long, huh?”

“It was fine.” You shrug, meeting her halfway to give her a hug. As she gets closer, it kind of hits you that you have been away too long. Your mother looks older than you remember, her skin duller and when she hugs you, it feels frail. But this doesn’t stop you from hugging her tight. You missed her.

“I lost track of time,” Your mom hugs you back just as tight. “So I still haven’t made up your bed yet. The sheets are hanging but I can—”

“No worries,” You pull away from her. “I can do it. Did you make cookies?” You begin strolling down the hall until you’re entering the kitchen and then you grin excitedly. “Oh! You did.”

“You haven’t been home in ages, of course I would make your favorite cookies to celebrate.” Your mom comes in behind you, “But you barely have time to eat any, you really should get going.”

“Huh?” You question her nonchalantly, your focus is on the tray of cookies that lay on the countertop. You start picking at a few but they’re still too warm. “What are you talking about? Go where?”

“The studio!” She swats your hand from the tray of cookies. “Leave them alone until they’re ready. You really never change.” She chuckles to herself. “Anyway, you were supposed to be there half an hour ago.”

You turn to face your mom, “What? I just got here.” You look disappointed. “I thought we could think of some dinner plans and maybe watch a mo—”

“—y/n,” She cuts you off with a soft smile, “The Festival is in three weeks and I doubt you remember any of the steps. Taehyung is already there, he’s been teaching classes for me lately. But he’s also in charge of the dance for the fest—”

“Who?”

“Taehyung. You don’t remember Taehyung, honey?” Your mom tilts her head, “Ah, well you barely came by the studio anymore by the time he was there…I guess that makes sense.” 

You blink at your mom for a few seconds before trying to gather your thoughts, “I’m confused.” You say slowly, “Why is Taehyung…” You trail off, kind of hoping your mom gets where you’re going.

“Oh. You two are both the leads for the dance.” She says like it’s no big deal, her busy hands already at the sink to wash a few dishes. “You’ll be working together.” 

“You never said I would be working with someone?” You come next to her, leaning against the counter. “You never danced with anyone?”

“Things have changed.” She smiles down at the dishes, bowl in hand as she scrubs. “We started incorporating group dances as well as solo ones. But this year, you and Taehyung will dance together. For the finale.”

“For the…wait, I have to dance with some person I don’t know?”

“It really isn’t a big deal, not sure why you’re dragging this on. Plus!” She takes a towel and starts drying the bowl, “You and Taehyung are going to really hit it off, trust me.”

“Hit it…mom. Are you trying to set me up?”

Her head whips in your direction, an exaggerated expression on her face. “I would do no such thing!” 

“Right.” You narrow your eyes at her. “So this Taehyung…”

“Oh he is just…a very, very good boy. He’s mature, talented and so incredible. Basically the son I never had!” She sings out cutely, “You’ll get along. I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if I thought you two wouldn’t at least get along, come on, y/n.” 

Well, that feels fair, you think. “Okay…so I’m supposed to be there? Now?”

“Well, 30 minutes ago.” She reminds you, “But knowing you, you were probably walking around the neighborhood, taking your sweet time.”

Your cheeks get warm because she’s right. “Not really…” You murmur but you crack a smile when you hear your mom laughing.

“Take my car. You remember where the studio is, right?”

“Yes, mom.” You deadpan. “I wouldn’t forget where that’s at when you’ve owned that place since before I was born.”

“It’s just been a while.” She still smiles at you but you feel a slight pang of guilt. It has been a while. Probably way too long. You wonder how much you’ve missed out on. 

“Okay, I guess I’ll be back later then?”

“Yeah! Taehyung will be there, you won’t miss him! Tall, handsome, has the sweetest smile.” 

“Uh huh.” You wave her off before slipping into the hall and finding the bathroom to quickly check your appearance before heading out. 

~

The dance studio your mom owns where she teaches dance classes is very nearby. Not even a 10 minute drive. The town has changed though, construction, new parks and cafés you don’t ever remember seeing…so you don’t actually make it within 10 minutes…considering you had to take a detour thanks to construction and you got lost. 

But finally, after 20 minutes, you make it to the studio. You notice the building has a had a paint job and there’s even a bench with a few potted plants outside the entrance. Cute, you think. You open the door and a soft ding goes off but it’s drowned out by the music coming from the back where the practice rooms are. You glance around, few decorations and framed photos of past students hang on the walls. A particular portrait catches your eye though. A huge landscape painting on the wall where the front desk is and you can’t help the heat in your cheeks as you gaze at it. You painted this back when you were in middle school…you can’t believe your mom still has never taken it down.

You walk slowly, legs taking you to the back to the main practice room where you know the music is coming from plus the voices of people. There’s maybe around 12 people back here, eyes going to you only temporarily before they’re going back to what they are doing. You glance around, feeling a little out of place, eyes going everywhere but in front of you.

“Yeah, ow.” A deep voice suddenly speaks up. Your head snaps up to see you might have stepped on some guys foot as you were walking. “Might help if you actually looked where you were going.”

“Oh shit” You blurt before looking around again but then your eyes go back to the man who stands before you. “Sorry, sorry.” You apologize immediately. “I—“

“Please show it to me again!” A girl wraps her fingers around this guy’s arm. “You know I am terrible at instructions.” She giggles and you look between them. This girl looks a little ridiculous as she fawns over this guy. He is attractive but damn. You find his eyes and his are already on you. He’s not necessarily glaring but you didn’t realize accidentally stepping on someone’s foot was this offensive. 

His eyes narrow at you before releasing a long breath, “Instead of being sorry you should use your eyes.” He’s cold with a harden expression on his face. Lips turned down. 

“It was literally an accident.” You say, trying to understand this guys problem. “So what? I’m not supposed to apologize?”

“You can do what you want.” He dismisses you, turning his body towards the girl before smiling at her. Yeah, smiling. Something you weren’t sure he was capable of. “Then why are you taking dance lessons?” He teases her. “It’s just to spend time with me, isn’t it?” 

“You caught me.” The girl laughs into her hand. Then her eyes go to you, “Uh,” She glances around awkwardly, “Are you taking lessons too or?”

“Oh. This is actually my mom’s studio.” You inform her calmly, trying to ignore the way the guy literally rolls his eyes at that. “I’m looking…for…” You look around the room when you spot a guy at the corner. He’s talking to two other people. Tall, handsome and has a sweet smile. “Never mind,” You suddenly smile while sighing. “Found him.” 

You walk across the room to introduce yourself to who you are sure is Taehyung…but your mom could have mentioned how broad his shoulders are! You get closer and his eyes find you and he smiles immediately. Yup, it’s him.

“y/n?” He asks. Well, at least he knows about you. “Your mom said you’d be coming in today! Said I had to have all kinds of good food for you guys. And told me not to show up if I didn’t have your favorite. Choco pies, right?”

“Oh.” You blink at him, surprised. “I do like them, yeah.” 

“Awesome. You guys have a lot of work to do.” Then he leans in to whisper, “No offense, without your mom…it’s a bit of a mess.” 

“Well, I guess we have to do a good job, right?” You smile for him. “When did you start teaching classes here? I didn’t realize my mom hired anyone else.”

He looks taken aback for a second, “What?” 

“Dance—“

“Dance?” He snorts. “Only craft I’m into is food.”

Now it’s your turn to look taken aback, “But she said…wait…who are you?”

“Right.” He snorts again. “Always forgetting people need an introduction. I’m Jin! I met your mom years ago when I started working as a vendor for the festival. I have my own café though. But your mom has me catering sometimes before the festival to give the dancers some good food to regain some energy.” 

“Food…Jin?” You pull your brows together, clearly you were wrong. You quickly glance around the room again before eyes go back to Jin. “You’re…you’re not Taehyung?” 

“Taehyung?” Jin laughs loudly, “Of course not! Is that who you were looking for?”

“Well, yeah.” You nod awkwardly. “I thought you were him, sorry.” You offer a sheepish smile but Jin just waves you off.

“It’s okay. Your mom brags about you all the time so I know what you look like because she’s shown photos. But no, I’m not Taehyung. Didn’t you already meet him?” Jin looks behind you before raising his hand and pointing behind you. “Over there?”

You’re quick to turn around, eyes roaming around the room but you don’t see anyone that could possibly be Taehyung. “No?”

“Taehyung isn’t hard to miss, y/n.” Jin chuckles and he points again. You follow his fingers and it points to—no. 

“That’s….” You turn back to face Jin. Cheeks hot. “That’s Taehyung?”

“The one and only. You guys are working together, right?” 

“Uh…” You shake your head, still confused, “You’re saying that guy? Over there? Is Taehyung? The super mature, handsome dude? That’s supposed to be him?”

“I guess he is handsome.” Jin rolls his eyes. “Anyway, do you want me to introduce you guys? Properly?”

You’re rushing to shake your head, rejecting the offer. “No, no.” You wave your hands around, “That’s okay. I think I can manage.” 

“Alright, well, I’m going to start bringing some things over. Good luck on today’s practice.” 

“Thanks.” You murmur before spinning in your spot and eyeing the man you met earlier. So that’s Taehyung…not what you were expecting. But it’s okay. First impressions don’t have to mean everything. You’ll just properly introduce yourself and things should be fine. Does it sting that apparently you accidentally stepping on his foot means he’s cold with you right before talking to some girl and flirting with her? Maybe. Because it was an accident.

But it’s okay. You move your feet and head back over to where Taehyung stands, hands on that girl’s hips as she tries out some moves. She sucks. You aren’t sure if she genuinely sucks or she just wants Taehyung’s hands on her. Doesn’t look like he’s complaining though.

“Hi.” You stop in front of them and the feeling of being irked only intensifies. Taehyung stops what he’s doing to close his eyes and take a deep breath but then he opens his eyes again and continues what he was doing. He completely ignored you.

“Hi…” You try again. But nothing. You motion your hand in front of his face, “I said hi.”

“Yeah, I have ears and I use them.” He finally mutters before glancing at you. “Unlike you and your eyes.” 

“I said it was an accident.” You try to speak calmly. “Anyway—”

“—And then you’ll want to put your left leg…no your other left leg,” He chuckles, the girl giggling along as he ignores you again to continue his lesson. 

“Wow.” You murmur to yourself. Nodding your head as you try to not to scoff. This guy is going to really start pissing you off. “So anyway, I just came to introduce myself since we will be—”

“—You know, I don’t think I have ever met someone this dense.” Taehyung’s hands leave the girls hips, his voice directed towards her but you know he’s talking about you. “Can you believe it?”

The girl laughs awkwardly, her eyes going to you before she whispers, “Are…are you talking about…”

Finally Taehyung turns to face you fully, his expression looks bored as he eyes you over. “y/n. Yeah, hi. No need for introductions. I know exactly who you are.”

You look at him in disbelief. “You do?” You ask slowly. “Okay.”

Taehyung raises his wrist and looks at his watch, “Wow, an entire hour late. You’re really the pick of the patch, huh?” 

“I just flew in today.” You defend, voice still calm. “My mom didn’t tell me I was supposed to be here until—”

“We have three weeks to make this the best festival dance anyone’s ever seen. But you can’t even show up on time.” Taehyung scoffs, “At least tell me you remember basic steps?”

“Like the ones my mom did in the past?”

“Yup.”

“Um, I think so. It’s been a while so—”

“Sure has, hasn’t it? When was the last time you came home?” He asks, an arrogant atmosphere clouding the area. “Or do you even know?”

“I’m sorry,” You try not to laugh, “Can’t help but sense some tension here.” 

“Oh, the spidey senses work unlike her eyes.” Taehyung tells the girl.

“I’m sorry, do you not like me for some reason?” You finally ask him right out. 

“Yeah, for some reason.” Taehyung dismisses you again, “Anyway, sorry Ida. I got to establish a routine with this one over here,” He motions towards you, “Work with Jimin when he gets here. He can help you.” 

“Oh, Jimin’s coming?” The girl—Ida—brightens before she’s walking to the other side of the room to join a few others. 

“Okay,” He takes another deep breath before facing you. “Show me what you remember.” 

“What?” You take a step back, feeling put on the spot. “I don’t know what I remember! Plus, isn’t it going to be different since we’re doing something…” you gesture between your bodies, “You know, together.”

“You should still know the basics, y/n.” Taehyung rubs his temples, “Don’t tell me you don’t even know that much? I can’t believe you’re Auntie’s daughter.” He looks genuinely disappointed. 

“Just…” Your cheeks feel warm, you try to remain calm but you’re feeling embarrassed. “Just show me, I’m sure I’ll get familiar pretty quickly.” 

Taehyung stares at you, his eyes boring into yours and you don’t let yourself feel intimidated. “Fine.” He finally says, “But if you don’t pick it up quickly, I’m just going to have Ida replace you.”

You scoff at this, “That girl didn’t even know which leg was her left leg.”

“And you don’t know how to use your eyes.” The corner of his lip lifts, “So are you really one to talk?” 

“Just teach me so we can get this over with.”

“Wow, look at you, saying things that I don’t disagree with.” Taehyung deadpans, “You have no idea how much I would also love to get this over with.” 

~

“How is it that you got the basic steps but you don’t know how to work with a freaking partner?” Taehyung groans while rubbing the top of his foot. “How many times are you going to step on me, y/n?”

“It isn’t my fault!” You whine, “We just aren’t in sync.”

“Because you don’t know how to follow my lead.”

“Maybe you aren’t a good leader.”

“Or maybe you don’t know how to listen.”

“You know what,” You plop your bottom on the ground, legs crossing in front of you. “Maybe we just need to take a break.” 

“A break?” Taehyung looks at you incredulously. “We have three-“

“—Yes, three weeks to perfect this dance between us. Yeah, you’ve told me like seven times now.”

“Do I need to say it an eighth for you to get it?” He sits next to you before he’s leaning back, spreading his legs and looking up at the ceiling. “This is a really important year, you know?”

“Because it’s your debut?” You joke. “Now that my mom isn’t the main one?”

“Your mom…” Taehyung sighs out, “Has made the festival special for years…people are going to really feel her absence this year and we have to be good enough as the replacements.” 

Well, someone’s a perfectionist, you think.

“And,” He continues, “She’s going to be a part of that crowd that watches and don’t you want to make her happy? Proud?”

You look down at Taehyung, he’s lying on the dance floor, arms resting behind his head. “Of course I want my mom to feel happy.”

“Then let’s do a good job.” He says. His eyes still on the ceiling and he speaks much more softly. “We can do that much for her.” 

“Okay…” you mumble. “But I think we’ve been at this forever. A break really could be a good thing.” 

Taehyung sits up, his head nodding. “Okay. Let’s head to the botanical garden, where the festival is taking place. Some of the other dancers are there, the group dancers are already practicing on that stage.” 

“Oh. It’s been a while.” You say, beginning to stand when you hear Taehyung chuckle humorlessly.

“Yeah, it has.” 

You glance at him but ignore his snide comment. “Anyway, there’s already festivities at the gardens, right? Like the hay ride and corn maze and whatever.”

Taehyung stands now too, “Don’t forget the most popular thing there.” He laughs a little, “The pumpkin patch. I was thinking of buying a couple to carve.”

“Not a fan.” You say nonchalantly, walking towards the mirrored wall where your bag is lying on the floor.

“Of what?”

“The pumpkin patch.” You shrug. “Pumpkins gross me out.”

“What?” Taehyung narrows his eyes at you, “You can’t be serious. It’s…pumpkins. It’s literally the thing everyone loves most? You can carve them? Paint them? Aren’t you an artist??” 

“Give me a blank canvas, please. Not a gross little pumpkin.”

“Are you really Auntie’s daughter?” Taehyung asks with big eyes, “Your mom loves the pumpkins! I swear she has like 10 outside her house right now.” 

“…How close are you with my mom anyway?” You ask him but he just blinks at you for a few moments before his gaze hardens again and he scoffs.

“A lot closer than you.” He turns to start leaving, “Let’s go.”

~~~

It’s around 8pm when you finally make it back to your house. You’re parked in the driveway, looking around to see a lot of different cars parked around. You don’t remember this street being that busy. You brush it off and open the trunk to pull a few bags of groceries. 

Hands full, because you’ll be damned if you made two trips and struggling to get the front door open. Finally, after a what felt like an eternity of struggling, you manage to get through the door. You announce your arrival in a sing song voice but you stop in your tracks when you see your mom and four other ladies plus one man seated in the living area to the left. “Oh.” You blurt before one of the bags falls to the ground.

“y/n!” Your mom stands with a huge smile, “You’re home already? We just got some coffee started…” She looks around, “My book club.” She finally explains. “We meet pretty often…I hope you don’t mind.”

“We get a little rowdy.” A woman with short silver hair raises a fist up, “We can’t help it.”

“Not rowdy, Soonja. Passionate.” Another lady speaks up. “You’ll scare away a potential new member when you use words like that.”

“So you want me to lie, Eunja?” The first woman, Soonja, asks with a smirk on her lips. “You told me to stop doing that!” 

“I meant when it came to if you actually read the chapter in the book!” Eunja exclaims, “And of course when someone asks how old you are.”

“I’m a woman. I’m supposed to lie about my age once my hair turns gray.” She waves her off, “Plus you’re the real liar. You dye your hair black.”

“I do not!” Eunja looks offended, “It’s natural.”

“Psh,”

“You’re y/n?” Another lady with long hair stands from one of the sofas, “Ignore them.” She smiles. “They only know how entertain us. I’m Jiwon.” 

“Oh.” You quickly give her a nod and smile. “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“You didn’t interrupt.” The man says, “The book was getting boring anyway.”

“I beg to differ!” Another woman speaks up. “You just don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand the depth of this particular chapter.”

“And you do?” He raises a brow at her.

“I can’t believe they’re married.” Soonja scoffs. “Anyway, y/n. Your mom says you’re in town for a little while?”

“Uh, yeah.” Your arms hurt from the groceries you’re carrying. “Probably longer than my mom knows about.” You laugh and you catch your mom’s gaze when she looks confused before she’s smiling gently towards you. 

“You want to stay longer?” she asks.

“We can talk about it later.” You shake your head, still smiling. “Anyway, I should put these away! I’ll leave you all to it.”

“Sounds good!” Your mom calls out as you start making your way to the kitchen. 

It’s after 9pm now. You’re sitting at the humble breakfast table in the kitchen, fingers busy on your laptop as you search up some things. It’s hard to concentrate with the constant banter and laughter happening on the other side of the house. Soonja wasn’t kidding, they are rowdy. You’re starting to wonder if the coffee they’re drinking is spiked. But it sounds like they’re all having fun, including your mom. You’re glad she hasn’t been lonely.

That was the main thing holding you back from moving far away to pursue your art career. You didn’t want to leave your mom but your mom is the one who urged you to leave. She cheered you on and supported you in ways you’re always going to be grateful for. But seeing how busy she is, gives you comfort that she’s been okay all this time. 

“Wow,” Your mom walks into the kitchen after finally seeing her last guest out. “You know our book club is supposed to end at 8:30?! But I swear everyone loses their ability to read time once we’re together.” She laughs as she takes a seat next to you at the table.

You look at her with soft eyes, “I think I heard you guys talk about the book maybe twice.”

“Hey,” Your mom shushes you, “Don’t you know the book is only half the fun?”

“Half? That’s a little generous, don’t you think?” You tease your mom and she just laughs it off.

“They’re a fun group, huh?”

“Seems like it.” You agree with her, “When did this start?”

“Hmm maybe what? Four years ago?” She wonders and you feel your guilt deepen. Damn, how long has it been since you’ve returned here? You didn’t even know about this book club.

“Oh. Nice.” You murmur. “Oh yeah. I kind of, uh…well, I was thinking of staying for a while.”

Your moms face brightens, “How long is a while?”

“Maybe just 6 months or so. I think some time home could be good.” You admit to her and she softens.

“Of course. Whatever is going to make you happy, y/n. I know the house is a little cramped but we can make it work!”

“Actually, about that.” You eye her carefully. “I was thinking of getting my own place? Nearby, of course. But—”

“Of course!” Your mom cuts in, excited. “Your own space and privacy is very important. I know a few places around that offer short leases. I know you said money was tight so I will help in all the ways.” She grins at you. “In fact, I know a perfect place!”

“You do?” You widen your eyes, “For real?”

“Yes!” She reaches across the table for a sticky note and a pen and starts scribbling. “I know the landlord here so maybe he can offer something more affordable. And we can get some help to move your bedroom furniture and I have other furniture in storage from years ago!” She looks up at you, “You’ll have your own place in no time.”

“Oh, okay.” You blink at her, “This was easier than I thought.”

“Nothing should be hard, my love.” Your mom grabs your hand, “Mom will always help.” 

You pout at her for a second, lips jutted out cutely and she just squeezes your hand. “Mom.” You playfully whine, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, y/n. But knowing you’ve been living for you…nothing makes me happier.” 

“I don’t know how true that is.” You laugh a little, “It’s not exactly going great.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Nothing I make is…good.”

“I’m sure that’s not true…”

“It is.” You chuckle, “I make something I think might be good but in the end I’m told that it’s not. At least I’m still selling some stuff. Someone out there must have bad taste.” You shake your head, still laughing. 

“I beg to differ. Your art is gorgeous.”

“You’re my mom.” You deadpan, then you sigh out heavily. “I just don’t think I’m in the mindset…a break is probably good, right?”

“Yeah.” She squeezes your hand again, “A change in scenery too. Maybe you’ll get inspired again. Sometimes you need changes to keep you going and to keep things evolving. When you stay in the same place for so long it can get stagnant, huh?”

“Yeah, maybe that’s it.” You shrug. “Anyway, I’ll go check out this complex tomorrow after rehearsal.” You take the sticky note.

Your mom’s eyes expand before she’s pinching your arm, “Speaking of! How did it go? You met with Taehyung, right? Such a good guy, isn’t he?”

“Uh.” You glance around, lip stuck between your teeth as you try to answer this without crushing your mother’s dreams. “He’s…something.”

“He really is something isn’t he?” She pats your shoulder now, “Be good to him, okay?”

~~~

Ha, bright and early…okay, 11am…but its two hours before the rehearsal meeting time and you cannot wait to see Taehyung walk in and see the inevitable look of shock on his face when he sees you. You’ve decided to come early so you can practice alone, you know, get a head start and also show how serious you are about this festival dance. He isn’t the only one who wants to make your mom smile because you guys are doing her role justice. 

You’ve already stretched and done a few warm up dances and it feels good, honestly. Empty practice room and a set goal in mind. Prove to Taehyung you’re not some lazy, incompetent daughter who doesn’t deserve to fill this role for your mom. Believe it or not, you actually used to be pretty skilled with dancing. Makes sense, you were a part of your mothers dance classes since you could walk. But sometime in middle school you stopped attending because your mom enrolled you in your true passion—art classes. 

It's almost 12 when you hear the footsteps of someone coming through. You turn your head to the side while doing some forward folding exercises when you see Taehyung making his way into the room. You sit up straight, a smirk so close to forming, waiting for him to express his genuine shock that you’re here and all the praises that come with it. But he only pauses for a moment, empty eyes on you before looking away and walking towards the mirrored wall to set his bag down. 

Nothing. No reaction. No readable expression. Literally nothing. You’re trying not to slump your shoulders but it’s hard not to hide your disappointment and you’re starting to wonder if you’ve always been a people pleaser. “Hey.” You mutter quietly, body folding forward again as you cup your toes in your hands. “You’re here early.”

“I like to come before everyone else to be alone.” He tells you while pulling a bottle of water from his bag. “But I guess that’s not happening.” 

You decide to stand and walk towards him, hands on your hip as you sigh out in defeat, “Look,” You try to look at his eyes but he will barely look at you. “My mom thinks we’re naturally going to, and I quote, ‘hit it off’ and we clearly aren’t. But for her sake I am trying to get along with you despite the fact you’re being,” You gesture towards him knowingly. “And she’s coming to the studio today to check things out so it would be great if you could act like you don’t hate me while she’s here.”

Taehyung stares at himself in the mirror, his own look of defeat gracing his features before he releases a long breath and turning to face you. “I don’t think I hate you.” He tells you quietly, a small shrug before he continues. “At least you’re here so it’s something. But getting along is an entirely different thing. But yeah, for your mom, I’ll be not so…” He gestures towards himself the same way you did to him just a second ago. “Cool?” He gives you a slightly annoyed look before brushing past you. “Let’s start practicing our dance. And if you step on my toes—”

“—I won’t! Seriously. But at least learn to treat what we’re doing as teamwork.”

“Teamwork?” He whips his head in your direction with a raised brow. “I lead. You follow.”

“That’s still teamwork, dumbass.” 

“Oh? Are we name calling now?” He asks you, his expression is still hardened and barely readable but the sound of his voice almost sounds amused. “What should I call you then? Something you’d really hate, right?”

“Say anything disrespectful like bitch and I’ll kick you—”

“Pumpkin.” He says the word slowly. “It works doesn’t it?”

“That’s…” Your expression tells all. A serious look of disturbance. “That’s somehow actually worse.”

“Perfect.” He grins at you. Yes, his lips have managed to lift up in your presence. But it’s menacing. “Then let’s start practicing now. Pumpkin.” 

You shudder at the hideous name, “You’re just not a good person, are you?”

“Do I need to be?” He asks before he’s stretching. “Also,” he lifts his head to gaze at you with curious eyes. “What did your mom mean by ‘hit it off’?” 

You feel heat creep up your body. Embarrassment. “Uh, like get along, I guess.” 

“Interesting.” He murmurs. “Different from what she usually says.”

“And what does she usually say?”

“That we should—”

“—Guess who comes bearing gifts!” Jin suddenly walks through with a few brown paper bags. “I made an assortment of fruit tarts for you guys today. Dropping them off a little early since it’s Saturday and the café gets busy. Going to put them in the fridge in the back!” He sings out, walking past you two. 

“I didn’t even hear him come in?” You wonder out loud.

“He’s sneaky like that.” Taehyung chuckles, “Anyway, you all warmed up? Ready to start?”

~

“Fine,” Taehyung sits down out of breath, “I’ll admit it, okay? Is that what you want?”

You stand in front of him, smirk on your lips with a look of pride. “Yes.”

“Fine. You improved. You’re a fast learner. You’re the best, jeez, what else do you want from me? Didn’t I say I lead and you follow?” He wipes some sweat from his hairline. “I felt like your little mistress, helpless in your arms while you spun me around.”

“That’s,” You start laughing, “That’s oddly specific.”

“Because it was a specific feeling. And god, it was odd.” He pretends to get the chills. “Anyway, your mom is going to be pleased with this progress. When did she say she was going to swing by?”

“I think around 4?” You glance around the busy room of others trying to rehearse their parts as well. “Not sure the time though.”

Taehyung looks at his watch, “It’s almost 4.” He lets you know, “We can take a break for a minute. Jin’s fruit tarts?” He nods towards the back. “They’re delicious.”

“Oh,” You’re surprised. Like he wants to eat them together? “Sure.” 

You both head towards a back room that has a few tables and the fridge. Taehyung pulls out two of the fruit tarts and hands you one. “The cream he uses is just…” He rolls his eyes in satisfaction. “Try it.”

You take a bite of it and moan into the treat. 

Taehyung’s eyebrows rise towards his hairline, trying his best not to laugh. “I mean, I knew they were good. But damn, that good?”

“Hi!” You hear the voice of your mom suddenly, you spin in your spot to see her coming inside the room. “I was told you two were back here! Enjoying a snack?”

“Auntie!” Taehyung lights up like he’s 8 years old and it’s time to open presents at his super hero themed birthday party. He goes up to your mom and hugs her, rocking her around while she pats his back.

“Hi Taehyung.” She steps back from him, “Are you eating well?”

“Yeah, I still have some side dishes you made stored away in my fridge.”

“Oh good!” She clasps her hands together. “Anyway,” She glances at the both of you, “It feels great to see you both in the same room!” 

“Mom…” You look at her unenthused.

“What?” She blinks at you innocently. “I know Taehyung agrees.” She winks at him but he starts to look how you’re feeling.

“Auntie…” Now he’s quietly groaning in his spot, also silently scolding her. “Have you been resting well?”

“Oh, you worry too much.” She’s shaking her head and waving him off. “But listen, I was thinking…”

“Thinking about what?” You take another bite of the fruit tart.

“If you wanted to make some money since you’re going to find a place…” She taps her chin thoughtfully. “Why don’t you teach some classes here? You and Taehyung can split the days and lessons. He’s swamped since I’m not as involved.”

“Auntie, it’s okay.” He tells her quickly. “I’m handling it.”

“I know you are.” She assures him with a smile. “But you’re over worked. And y/n knows enough to teach some lower level classes while you handle the more challenging ones?” 

“Well…” He bites his lips, recalling how good you were just 10 minutes ago. “Yeah, she probably could…I mean, if she wanted.”

“You’re not involved anymore?” You lower the fruit tart from your mouth. “Like at all?”

“No, I am. But I’m just so tired these days.” She continues to smile, “It’s hard to keep up with lessons when kids are running around me and I got to chase after them.” She laughs now. “But Taehyung is just great with them.”

Taehyung shrugs at this while giving your mom a sheepish smile. “It’s nothing really.”

“Oh.” Your eyebrows slightly furrow. “Sorry you aren’t as involved mom…I know this place is everything to you.”

Your mom softens at your words before she steps closer and cups your cheek, “No, not everything.” 

“Well,” You glance between her and Taehyung before nodding. “I can help out, sure, that’s a good idea. You won’t mind…right, Taehyung?”

“I thought my name was dumbass?” He tries to keep a straight face when you widen your eyes at him. “But sure. It sounds great. Pumpkin.”

~~~

It’s a small apartment complex. But Mr. Jung has shown you one of his available units and it’s exactly what you’re needing. Something simple and cozy. You look down at your list of requirements and see that you’ve checked off every single thing on the list.

“I like it.” You tell Mr. Jung. “When is the soonest I could move in…?”

“Well,” He closes the apartment door behind him as you two stand outside. “It might take a few days for everything to be approved but perhaps Thursday or Friday.”

“Oh!” You feel excitement rush through you. “That’s so soon.” 

“You are applying for a 6 month lease, correct?”

“Yes. I’m only in town temporarily.”

“That’s great. I’ve been looking for someone to fill this unit. Last tenant moved out almost 4 months ago!”

“I guess it was just meant to be then.” You smile. “Thanks for making time to show me around today.”

“Of course.” He smiles back at you. “When your mom called, I just couldn’t say no to an old friend.” 

And that’s how you got your temporary cozy apartment. Mr. Jung called you on Tuesday letting you know you’ve been approved and could move in on Thursday. And Thursday came fast. Jin and two of his friends helped you move furniture and helped you get settled into your new place. Taehyung couldn’t help since he was giving lessons at the studio all day. Not that he was wanting to help you. But you can tell he would give your mom a hand whenever she would ask.

Every time you think Taehyung could be warming up to you, you are just proven how wrong that assumption is. He’s given you nothing. Just talks about your dance routine, fake kindness when your mom is around and the annoying use of the word pumpkin. Other than that he ignores you.

It’s now Wednesday and approximately a week and a half until the festival. Exactly ten days and you’re wondering if you and Taehyung are ever going to master being in sync. You’re both decently skilled—him more than you—but you can’t seem to dance together. It’s probably the lack of proper communication…it’s mostly just annoyed looks and snarky comments. Or straight up complaining. 

You’ve taught a few classes today and your mom was right…chasing after a bunch of 6 year old’s is exhausting. But Taehyung asked if you guys could have a late rehearsal since he’s also teaching classes today. Neither of you had a chance to rehearse yesterday and you cannot fall behind. 

It’s almost 9 at night when Taehyung drags his feet into the empty practice room. He looks tired and you get it. You’re also tired. “Do you think we could get through the routine a few times without fucking up?” He chuckles quietly to himself. “Because I highly doubt it.”

“Well, if you’d actually listen to me and get in sync with me then maybe we could.” You retort quickly, not loving his attitude already.

“So it’s my fault I can’t get along with you?” He exhales tiredly, “Think you managed that on your own.”

You can’t help the scoff that leaves you, “Wow, Taehyung. Thought we were talking about dancing.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m tired of this.” You shake your head, words leaving you quietly in a mumble. “Why are you in such a bad mood?”

“I’ve had a long day.” He tells you. “Classes, errands, making sure things at the gardens is being properly set up—I’m everywhere all at once. Between the studio, the pharmacy—I just need to relax but instead I’m here with you and in a cycle of sucking at this routine. Because you can’t let me fucking lead. It’s not that hard. The entire beginning of our dance we’re not even touching, just have to be synchronized.” 

“And when we do have to touch you don’t even commit.” You say with a straight face. “I don’t know what I’ve done—”

“—You’ve done nothing.” He narrows his eyes at you. “And don’t you think that’s the issue?”

“What?” You look at him incredulously. “I seriously don’t fucking understand you. But look, we both want to do a good job, right?”

“Obviously.” He grunts, annoyed that this conversation is still going.

“Then get over your stupid disdain for me and dance with me.” 

Taehyung is quiet. He’s got a frown pulling down his lips, lips that won’t part to speak. His jaw clenches before he nods at you. Silent dancing, it is.

~

It’s the next day and you’re feeling happy that your last class ended at 3pm today. You know Taehyung has his last one until 4 so you’re sure he’s relieved about that as well. This dance has the both of you stressed out. After running a few errands around town, you finally make it back home to your apartment complex. 

You curse to yourself though…your frustration building as you stand outside your front door. The key code isn’t working again. You keep entering the code but nope, nothing. 

“You have to press the check mark.” A voice suddenly has you jumping in your spot. You’re quick to turn around, eyes going wide as Taehyung looks down at the number pad. “You didn’t press it. Are you seriously only remembering sometimes?”

“You freaking scared me!” You whisper shout at him. “What—what are you doing here?”

He glances around before answering you, “Uh, helping you?”

“No,” You shake your head, “I mean…like, what are you doing here? At my apartment?”

“You think you’re the only one who lives here?” 

“Huh?”

He looks the left and then points, “My apartment is like 3 doors down.” He tells you all nonchalant. 

“Your what…” Then realization hits you. “Mom.”

“I saw you struggling for like a solid 5 minutes.” His lips start to lift into a sly smile. “I was wondering how long you’d keep going but it was a bit sad.”

“You watched me struggle for 5 minutes and didn’t come help me?”

“Well, I’m here now.” He shrugs.

“After 5 minutes?”

“Should I have waited until after 10?”

“You. Are. The. Worst.” 

“It’s fine if it’s you who thinks that.” He shrugs again, “Anyway, the check mark. Not that hard Einstein.”

“Not that hard Einstein.” You mock him. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes and gives you a tiny salute before he is about to turn away from you to head to his apartment but stops. He looks down at his front pocket, patting his jeans until he is pulling his phone out and you watch as his expression grows serious.

“Hello?” He answers the phone quickly. “Yes this is he.” And then his face starts paling and he finds your eyes. “Got it. I’ll be there as soon as possible.” You stare at him in confusion when he grabs your wrist and starts pulling you. “We have to go.” 

You want to pull back from him and simply ask what’s going on but the look of sheer panic on his face is enough to make you lose words. He tightens his grip around your wrist and walks quickly and you’re struggling to keep up with him. “Slow down.” You whine a bit, “Where are we going?”

“That was the hospital.” He says in a rush. “Put your seatbelt on.” He says the moment you two make it to his car. 

“The hospital?” You ask cluelessly as you open the passenger car door and slip inside. “Why? Is everything okay?”

Taehyung plops down into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. “It was the hospital. What do you think?” He asks you curtly, “Seatbelt. Now.” He looks at you before he’s reversing from his parking spot.

“I’m confused. Is everything okay? Why did the hospital call you?”

Taehyung is breathing more heavily now, the situation stressing him out but he still finds the time to snap his head in your direction and look at you with disbelief. “Your mom.” He clarifies, hoping that is enough for you to understand.

“My…my mom?” Now you feel some of his panic start to seep into your own body. “Is she okay? Did something happen?”

“She collapsed.” He tells you, eyes on the road. 

“Collapsed? Why would she collapse? Did she trip on something?” You start feeling anxious, “Was she in some kind of accident?”

Taehyung’s brows pinch together, his own confusion growing as he sees how you’re panicking, you keep voicing your thoughts out loud as you wonder why.

“Wait,” You shake your head, pausing all the possibilities of what could have happened. “Why did they call you?”

“I’m her contact.” He tries to remain calm, “They always call me.”

“…Always?” 

Taehyung’s expression grows more confused until he isn’t confused anymore. He thinks he finally gets it. He thinks he’s finally understanding. He’s quiet.

“Always?” You repeat. “What does that mean?”

He keeps driving. Eyes on the road but suddenly he’s experiencing his heart sinking for what feels like the millionth time in his life. He pulls into the hospital and parks his car. He unbuckles the seatbelt and slowly turns in your direction. You look lost. And he thinks it’s because you are.

“y/n…” He says your name carefully. “Fuck…” He sighs out, “Do you not…”

“What?” You’re losing patience as you’re thinking of all the worst possibilities. “What’s happening? Is my mom okay? Did they say she was okay? Was it an accident?”

Taehyung gazes at you, eyes beginning to fill with pity. And then he’s dragging a hand down his face before he tries to speak again. “y/n…your mom…shit, okay. Listen, it’s…”

“Can you actually talk?” You snap at him. “You aren’t saying anything.”

“Your mom is sick.” He blurts it out quickly. And when you stare at him with a blank expression he softens in his spot. “…didn’t you know?”

“Know what?” You murmur.

“She’s…your mom is really sick. She has been for…since before I graduated, I think? She didn’t tell me until a couple years after.” He admits to you. “But…did you not know?”

“I…” You keep staring at him, not entirely sure you understand. “I don’t really know what you’re saying.” 

“Shit,” He closes his eyes, “Shit. Shit. I’m so sorry…” He lifts his hands to his face and rubs it over and over. “Fuck, I really didn’t know you didn’t…”

“Taehyung.” You say his name but your voice cracks. “I don’t really…” You’re in shock. You aren’t sure you’re processing what he’s saying. “What does sick mean…?”

“She…she has ALS.” He says softly, “They aren’t expec—”

“—What is that?” You continue to panic, “I don’t know what that is.” 

Taehyung feels his eyes sting, his heart breaking more. You really didn’t know. He tries to swallow before he answers, “It’s uh, It’s called Lou Gehrig’s Disease…it’s rare. Um, it’s like a nervous system disease and,” He pauses, trying to collect himself. “Fuck it’s uh, it like weakens the muscles so it’—it can be tough for her.”

“…Okay? So what does she need? Physical therapy?” You ask him, your eyes searching his and he wants to tell you that yes, she just needs physical therapy. But that’s not how this works.

“It’s…it’s not that simple…it can’t be cured.” He tells you regretfully, “I know since you’ve been here she’s been seeming okay. But it typically isn’t like this. There’s more bad days than good.”

“What?” You blink your eyes repeatedly, layer of tears forming.

“Sometimes she can’t even eat properly…it’s…it’s gotten worse this year. The doctors don’t think she will…”

“Will what?” You ask, your defenses rising.

“She doesn’t have a lot of time, y/n.” He tells you quietly, softly, regret in his voice and you don’t think you heard him properly. But you did. And that’s why you’re finally letting tears begin to drip from your eyes. “Hey,” He hesitates but his fingers brush against your cheek, “I know this isn’t easy. But your mom has been so strong and she’s just tired now, y/n…they didn’t even think she was going to live past 5 years—“

“—Stop” You cut him off, tears still spilling from your eyes but you can’t even blink now. “Just stop…she’s sick? She didn’t tell me?” You look into his eyes and he can see your anger. “She told you but not me?”

“I know,” He doesn’t move his fingers from your face. “I know. But…she probably just didn’t want to worry you or something, I don’t know. But she has her reasons, don’t you think? You are your mom’s world.” He whispers. “And right now she just needs you next to her.”

You finally slam your eyes shut, more tears streaming but you try to hold it together. “She’s here?” You choke out. “Can we see her?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung finally lets his hand drop. “Come on.” 

~

You want to be angry because you are angry…technically. But more than anything you’re shocked and just completely sad. Taehyung walks close to you, his arm brushing against yours and he keeps glancing at your every 5 seconds. He’s worried and you almost want to laugh because you never thought that there would be a day that he would be worried about you.

He stops suddenly, his hand reaching for your wrist to stop you from walking as well. “This room.” He tells you softly, “It’s here.”

“Oh.” You look at the closed door.

“You want to go in alone?”

“No.” You shake your head slowly, “Be with me.”

“Okay.” He nods, his fingers still wrapped around your wrist when he guides you more towards the door. He uses his other hand to knock at the door before cracking it open. After a moment he opens it all the way. His eyes grow tender when he spots your mom. “Hi Auntie.” 

You just watch him. He looks experienced. Like looking at your mom who lays in a hospital bed isn’t something new and the thought makes you feel crushed. You finally gather your own courage and step through the room and look at her for yourself. 

Your mom is sat up in bed and you want to sob. Because she looks the same. A gentle smile on her face and eyes that shine with so much love. “Hi, my love.” She calls out for you. “Come here.”

Taehyung lets go of your wrist and your feet stumble forward. You don’t think you see even an ounce of regret on her features. She just looks genuinely happy to see you and you can’t tell how you feel about it.

“You okay?” She asks you, her head titled up. “I know this might be a little surprising.”

You actually scoff. “A little?” You repeat her choice of words before scrunching your brows together and you know she can see the look of betrayal on your face.

“It’s okay if you’re mad.” She tells you, tone nice and soothing. “I’m fine with the decisions I’ve made.”

“How…” You pause to take a deep breath. “How could you say that?”

“I want you to live your life, y/n.” She tells you like it’s simple. “I wanted you to live your dream but if you knew…” She closes her eyes for a moment, her own emotions visiting. “I didn’t want to be a reason for you to hold yourself back.” She tells you. 

Taehyung watches as you stare down at your mom and he’s understanding so much now. He feels guilty. Beyond guilty. He’s treated you like such an asshole. But he thought you knew about your mom’s condition and still chose to be so far away. He had no idea you were clueless. It hurts to watch your mom having to had suffer for so long already but now he sees how you’re suffering too. 

“So we are going to keep her a few days.” The doctor neither you nor Taehyung noticed speaks up. “You know the drill already Mr. Kim…we need to monitor just for a bit.”

Taehyung glances at the doctor before nodding. “Okay. I can go grab a bag for her.” He says, “I shouldn’t be gone too long.”

“No,” You turn to look at Taehyung, your eyes shining at him with unfallen tears. “I’ll go. I just need to make a bag for her, right? Some of her things?”

“Oh.” Taehyung’s eyes go to your mom and she just nods. “Okay…are you sure? I can go, y/n.”

“I want to go…I need to just…process.” You admit to him as you walk closer to him, “Alone.”

~

You’re standing in front of your childhood home again but the mix of emotions you’re feeling are nothing like the ones from the other week. You almost don’t even want to walk in but well, you have to.

As soon as you step into the house, instead of the scent of cookies, you get hit hard with the scent of your mother. You walk further into the home and it’s like she is everywhere. You’re suddenly hyperaware of how this house is not just a house but your mom’s home. 

You walk down the hall and stop outside your mom’s bedroom door. You don’t think you’ve been in here for years but you’re sure you’ll manage finding her belongings. You creak the door open and your eyes go wide when you enter the room. You look around, from her comforter to her nightstand to the art on her walls. And your face twists into one of devastation. Mouth hanging open as the tears truly break. Your art. Your paintings. They hang on her walls.

And this is the reality. Paintings that you knew weren’t good enough. But bought by an anonymous buyer…here they are, proudly decorating her room. And this reality crashes into you. Feeling every ounce of every moment you have spent away from her. From your home.

You stumble towards her bed, body falling to the mattress and you bury your face into the blanket. Tears soaking the material as you sob. You cry until you can’t cry anymore.

~~~

The house feels lonely since your mom is still at the hospital. It’s Saturday now and you know you have to get up from this bed and drag your sad ass to the studio to rehearse with Taehyung. But getting up sounds like a lot of work. You wish you could quit the entire festival but you realize now why Taehyung has made such a big deal out of it. He isn’t being a perfectionist because it’s his debut. He just wants to give your mom the best festival because it will probably be her last.

That last thought makes you heart sink but this is the reality and you aren’t sure you want to spend your time sulking and wasting precious time on things you cannot control. Instead, you finally throw the blanket off you and get ready. Because your mom deserves the best festival of her life. 

You’re sure the studio is busy as usual, you’re a bit late but Taehyung didn’t try to reach out to you so maybe he’s distracted enough with a pretty girl who doesn’t know left from right. But you’re wrong. As soon as you walk into the building, you see Taehyung sitting at the front desk before he lifts his head and wide eyes land on you.

“You came?” The two words tumble out quickly. He stands from the chair and walks around the desk to get closer to you. “I…” His eyes slide to the side, “I wasn’t sure you were going to be up to rehearsing today.”

“You’d chew me out if I didn’t show up.” You shrug at him, eyes still swollen. “Don’t need to add to the list of things you don’t approve of me.”

Taehyung sucks his bottom lip between his teeth as an inevitable look of guilt falls over his face. “I don’t…” He pauses, eyes studying you and he realizes he’s probably lost any chance of redeeming himself. You don’t like him and it serves him right. 

“We can take it easy today if you—”

“—that’s the last thing I want.” You show him a joyless smile. “I’d rather work extra hard. I don’t know,” you give a huge, exaggerated shrug. “Maybe work so hard I pass out and actually get a little sleep.” 

“No passing out.” Taehyung lifts his lips a little, “But you know, if you’re having trouble sleeping maybe I could he—”

He stops when he sees how you raise a defensive brow, “How could you possibly help? Look, no need to suddenly be nice to me because my mom’s dying.”

“y/n… I wasn’t—”

“—Actually, you knew about that already so why are you suddenly being nice to me?” You narrow your eyes for a moment but he’s lost for words, not entirely sure what to say and then you connect the dots. “Right.” You click your tongue. “You thought I knew about her being sick, right? You thought I was just some selfish daughter who didn’t care about my mom’s health and left her to live my life!” 

“y/n—”

“—Like, wow. You didn’t even give me a chance. You just automatically assumed I was some selfish, heartless person. You wanted me to be like that in your eyes?” You continue to glare at him but he immediately parts his lips in panic.

“No! Trust me, no.” He shakes his head as he gazes at you. “Trust me, the last thing I wanted was to think that way of you.” Then he lightly scoffs to himself, “I didn’t want to disappointment my 12 year old self like that.” 

You pull your brows together, “You didn’t want to…what?” and then you shake your head, feeling tired all over again. “Anyway, let’s just practice. I also…” You finally find his eyes again before expressing your mental defeat. “I also want to do well.”

~

Monday and you’re panicking because the day of the festival dance is only 5 days away. You don’t think you and Taehyung have improved your synchronization. When you guys do moves that require him to have his hands on you, he’s always hesitant and it looks painfully awkward.

“Have you never touched a girl before?” You finally huff out, getting frustrated over another failed attempt at the routine. “This isn’t middle school.”

“I just…” He groans, feeling just as frustrated as you. “It’s kind of hard.”

“Yeah, a woman’s waist is really the most difficult thing.” You roll your eyes before jogging towards the mirror to grab your bottle of water. 

“We haven’t as much as high fived before, y/n.” Taehyung deadpans. “How am I supposed to feel comfortable touching your body? When I don’t know what’s comfortable for you either?”

“Are you really overthinking this much?” You look at him incredulously before bringing the bottle to your lips and chugging the water back and then you pause and pull the bottle away from your mouth. “You had zero issue grabbing onto Ida’s hips when you helped her.”

“Ida is into me. She wants me to touch her like that.” He shrugs, “You on the other hand, I’m afraid I’ll…” Taehyung’s eyes go all around the practice room, cheeks heating up. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“You’re that worried about it?” You set the bottle down. “Fine. Okay.” You nod, look of determination on your face. “Let’s fix that then. If we don’t this is going to look awkward as hell.”

“Fix it how?” Taehyung looks at you, confused.

“Let’s get comfortable with one another. We could do some exercises to help.” 

He raises his brows, mouth opening to speak but he closes it again.

“What?” You walk back to the middle of the practice room, standing in front of him, “Don’t tell me you can’t even do that?”

“I don’t even know what that is? Like, what do you mean?” He finally asks.

“Oh.” You realize you don’t necessarily know either, you were just going to wing it. You glance around the room until your eyes land on your hand. You lift it to your face and inspect it before you nod. “This.” You say before showing him your palm, urging him to hit it with his own. “You said we hadn’t as much as high-fived before.” You finally smile. “We could start there.”

He stares at you before he’s snorting. “Seriously?”

“What?” You smirk at him, “Should I have asked you to just hold on to my waist until it finally feels comfortable for us?”

And for the first time ever you think you see Taehyung blush. “You’re something…” He looks off to the side, “But honestly,” His eyes go back to you. “I think we could start with talking.”

“Talking?” You lower your hand. “About?”

“I want to apologize.” He tells you sincerely. “I know even if I try to explain my thought process it doesn’t excuse how cold I was with you.”

“Not really.” You whisper. “I guess I just don’t like how you assumed I was so heart—“

“—I didn’t want to think that, I promise. But after a while, I kept battling my thoughts. How could you not have known? That’s what I kept asking myself. Why would Auntie just not tell you? That didn’t ever cross my mind so eventually I thought…yeah, obviously y/n knows but she doesn’t care. I wasn’t just dismissing you. I was mad at you.” He takes a breath, “Because I didn’t want my opinion of you to be true.” 

Taehyung takes a step closer to you before adding, “But I was shocked you showed up for the festival this year. Your mom told me she asked you to come and I didn’t think you would…but you did. And I wanted to just be angry but I hated it that you actually showed up because I was like, maybe I was wrong and she does care…that sounds stupid, I know you care but I just thought you…I don’t know.” His voice gets quieter. “I was wrong. But I don’t know if I’m happy that I was wrong. Because it means that you didn’t know about your mom’s health and that also feels fucking sucky. I’m sorry you didn’t know, y/n.” 

For the first time you see the Taehyung your mom has been raving about. The guy that is just so good. You think you can believe it. You think this might the real him and you want to understand his perspective. To be fair, if you thought that of someone you would probably be a dick to them too. 

He studies your reaction and when he sees even a hint of understanding in your eyes, he sighs in relief. “Anyway,” He reaches for your hand and high fives himself with it. “What’s after a high five?”

~

Thursday. Two days until the festival dance. Today’s rehearsal went better. Might have been your best one yet…you and Taehyung are communicating better and although he’s still a little stiff with touching you at least he’s actually touching you. Before he would barely put any pressure and it sometimes felt like his hands were just hovering. It still isn’t perfect yet though.

“Hi.” Your mom comes into the kitchen, her eyes soften when she sees how you lift your head from your laptop with a tired expression. She came home from the hospital yesterday and it’s hard to stay mad at her when she looks at you with so much love.

“Hi.” You respond, it came out quiet but she heard you and smiles.

“How’s rehearsals going?” She takes a seat, hand going to yours and you see how her fingers slightly shake as she squeezes your hand. How did you not notice?

“Better.” You look away from your hands, “Taehyung and I are trying our best but we could do better.”

“Better?” Your mom tilts her head, “You don’t feel good enough?”

“Not really.” You smile. “We want it to be perfect. We have to do your role justice.”

Your mom’s eyes widen before she’s chuckling, “People are going to love it!”

“We want you to love it.” You admit softly. “I think that’s what matt—”

“—Me?” Your mom points to herself. “You two could get on that stage and just stand there and I think I would fall in love at the sight.” She tells you, “What I want to come out of this isn’t for you two to perfect a dance routine. I just wanted you guys to get along.” 

You snort, “Get along?”

Your mom gazes at you, her eyes boring into yours and you think you see a swirl of emotions inside of them. “Yeah.” She gulps, her same eyes stinging with tears but she’s quick to blink them away and laugh. “Get along.” She says, “And take care of each other.”

“You make it sound like you aren’t the one who takes care of me,” You try to laugh but your throat burns a little. “I have you to do that, you know?” 

“Mom will always help, my love.” She smiles, gentle and delicate. “But—”

“—Okay,” You cut her off, trying to laugh still but your throat feels like it’s closing in. “That doesn’t have to change.”

“And why not?” She continues to smile. “Changes are good. Don’t you think? Just like the season we’re in…we love it. Do we want it to be summer forever?”

“No.” You swallow hard.

“Change gives us the opportunity to transform and evolve. Nothing scary about it.” Your mom’s fingers lift to your face and she brushes her thumb over your browbone. “I’ve always taught you to embrace it. Welcome it. In autumn, leaves change colors and they die. But soon, flowers will bloom again.” 

You’re tempted to let your head fall to this table and cry but the look on your moms face is bright and hopeful. She’s cheering you on as always. So instead you nod at her words and give her a heartfelt smile. “I think you just gave me an idea for a painting.” You tell her. 

“Then paint.” She smiles wider, teeth shown and all. “Paint.”

~

One day until the festival dance! Friday and you cannot believe you and Taehyung are still struggling with being completely comfortable and trusting during the routine. The natural flow is lacking. Perhaps it’s the chemistry. Yes it has gotten better but you didn’t think it would still look awkward in places. It’s already almost 9pm and you both have been at it for majority of the day. 

“I don’t know how else we could improve, Taehyung.” You breathe out, hands reaching for your bottle of water. “Just get comfortable!”

“I’m trying!” Taehyung groans, his fingers push back his dark hair. His hair is usually split in the middle or the side, framing his face nicely but forehead out gives him an entirely different aura.

“What’s making you so, I don’t know…” You motion your hands around, unsure of what words to describe his behavior.

“Nervous?” He helps you call himself out. “I don’t know, you’re just this person to me…who…I don’t know! It’s not like I don’t want to touch you.”

You quirk a brow and he immediately slams his eyes shut before growing embarrassed.

“I didn’t mean that in a…” He opens his eyes again and they meet yours. “You’re just…”

“It’s my fault?” You laugh. “Do I have to break all barriers with you so you can be more comfortable?” You start joking. “Keep your hands on me? Should we hug for 5 minutes straight? God, what will it take?” You snort now, “Don’t tell me we have to have sex so you can touch me properly during a dance.” 

Taehyung’s entire body flushes at your words, his eyes wide as he blinks at you in shock. “I know you’re joking,” He mutters, “But at what cost?” He tears his eyes off of you before concealing a smile when he wants to laugh.

“I was exaggerating obviously.” You shake your head,  not feeling embarrassed even though maybe it was a weird thing to say.

“But…” Taehyung glances around the practice room, “I think the point is to bond so our chemistry on stage doesn’t suck.”

“Are you saying you do want to have sex? As a way to bond?” You ask him with a dramatic shocked expression and he starts going red as he groans at your words.

“You want to kill me, y/n?” He starts chuckling, “Jeez. I was thinking though…we aren’t getting anywhere with practicing. Why don’t we go out tonight?”

“Huh?”

“Bar? For drinks? Loosen up? Actually enjoy an evening out? Ever heard of it?” He teases you, “I doubt you’ve done anything besides be at this studio and visit your mom’s house. And I am kind of your neighbor and I see your light on all the time late at night so I know you aren’t out.”

“What if I leave a light on, on purpose so a potential burglar thinks someone is home? You know, while I go out and party until the sun rises?"

“You party until sunrise without me?” Taehyung gasps, “That’s rude.”

“What?” You bite your lip, trying not to smile at him. “Am I supposed to invite you for something like that?”

“No offense, but who else would you invite? Ida?” He matches your expression.

“I could ask Jin.” You shrug, “He’s cool.”

“Only thing Jin does at sunrise is check on some ridiculous baked goods that he probably started prepping at 4am.” 

“My mom has a pretty wild book club, maybe they want to party with me.” You shrug again and Taehyung laughs at this. Really laughs. 

“Ms. Soonja would outdrink us all and still somehow be up at 8am ready for breakfast.”

“That sounds believable.” You giggle at that. “Fine, I guess if I had to party then maybe I would invite you.”

“You’re too late.” Taehyung grins at you, “Because I’m beating you to it…I’m the one inviting you but I can’t promise it will be until sunrise.”

“Well, I’d hope not. We have a big day tomorrow.” 

“Then we should get started now.” Taehyung nods towards the direction of the entrance, “Since I still feel like an asshole…I’ll buy you your first drink.”

You feel heat crawl up your neck as you notice an almost playful glint in his eyes, “Only one?” You tease him, “For all that I suffered with you and you only want to buy me one?”

“Oh?” He keeps grinning, “You suffered that much? Fine, how about you tell me when it’s finally enough, hm?”

“I can hold my liquor, Taehyung. I might drain your bank account.”

“Damn,” He throws a hand to his heart. “I was that bad?”

“I’m still deciding if you aren’t still that bad.” You say slowly but your voice is laced in a smoothness even you don’t recognize. “But I hear you’re good.” You keep the words slow as they leave your mouth, “I wonder just how good you are.”

~

“You know,” You play with the straw that rests in your glass. “When I was in high school, I wanted to come to this bar so badly. ‘one day I’ll be old enough!’ I would always say that,” You start giggling. “But I left only a few months after graduation so I never came. Can’t believe I’m actually here now. Teenage me would be so proud.”

“Why this one specifically?” Taehyung looks around, not noticing anything too special. “I just come here because it’s close to the apartment.”

“You’ll make fun of me.” You wrap your fingers around the glass and bring it closer to your lips when you sip from the straw. “It’s cheesy.”

“Oh, I have to hear about it then.” Taehyung sips his own drink as well. “The cheesier the better.”

“Well, a long time ago…” You start, memories flooding your mind and you want to laugh at teenage you. “There was this guy.”

“A guy?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “He worked here as a bar tender, he was older than me. I think when I was like 16 he was already like 30.” You sip more of the drink. “He also worked at the convenience store near my house. I would go in just to buy a snack so I could see him!” You turn your head towards Taehyung, stifling your laughter but he’s got his eyes on you and he’s smiling. “But he told me he also worked here, at this bar and that one day when I’m an adult I’ll get to go and see him there too.”

Taehyung ducks his head around, eyes trailing the place. “Is he here?”

You snort “No.” You set your drink down, only ice cubes occupying the glass now. “I thought that when I turned into an adult I’d come and he would fall in love with me.” You gesture towards yourself with a goofy, tipsy grin. “Obviously, right?”

Taehyung eyes you over, same grin on his own face. “Obviously.”

“Kids are silly.” You finally end the story, “The things we do, huh? Or you know, want to do.”

Taehyung sucks up the rest of his drink and nods his head, “Yeah, I would know.” He chuckles before turning his whole body in the barstool to face you. “My 12 year old self would know, anyway.”

“How so?”

“You don’t know how I met your mom, do you?” He asks you, blush on his cheeks. 

“Oh,” You blink at him. “I…I don’t.”

“I thought so.” He nods, head bowed down as he smiles at nothing. “It’s because of the Harvest Festival.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense!”

“I went every year when I was a kid. I think I started going when I was like 9? I watched the dance and I was…awestruck, perhaps?” He sounds shier than you thought he could be capable of. It’s cute, you’d admit. It’s funny that a guy who made it clear he doesn’t like you is now telling you a story that is making him blush.

“Hm.” You hum at him, giving him your full attention. He lifts his eyes to yours and bites his lip.

“Yeah, awestruck is a good word.” He tells you. “I kept going back every year because I had to see the dance. I would watch and think, ‘wow, pretty.’ And yeah.” He chuckles.

“Her dancing is beautiful.” You giggle. “Kind of sounds like you had a crush on my mom.” You teasingly point a finger at him but he just joins you in your laughter before relaxing and giving you a sweet smile. 

“I did have a crush.” He admits. “ But it wasn’t on your mom.”

You smile drops only a little, “Then…?” “Every year at the front row of the crowd was a girl who looked around my age.” He tries not to laugh when you pinch your brows together. “You.” He does laugh now. “You danced to her routine, step by step. You looked so happy and so proud and I swear my 9 year old self was not understanding what I was feeling.”

“Wait, what?” Your mouth falls open and you cannot hide your amusement. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He tries to playfully brush it off. “And then when I was 12…I decided I had the hugest crush on you and you were going to be my first girlfriend.” 

Your eyes expand comically as you try not to lose it, “Excuse me?”

“I know.” He chuckles, “But I didn’t know how to approach you!” 

“You didn’t—”

“—I had heard you took dance classes at your mom’s studio.” He starts to explain, “So I thought my little 12 year brain was genius when I begged my grandma to let me start taking lessons too. I thought that’s how I could get close to you!” He shuts his eyes in innocent embarrassment. “She paid for three full classes to see if I would like it. I remember getting there, god I was so nervous, I really thought I was going to properly meet you and we were going to fall in love and get married.” Then he winks, gesturing towards himself like you did earlier. “Obviously, right?”

You start cracking up, “Yes, obviously.” 

“But you weren’t there. I was so disappointed. I was like well, I’m going to quit this whole dancing thing. I asked your mom and she said you weren’t taking the classes anymore. Imagine how stupid I felt!” He laughs, “But I still had two more classes. I went and by the third class I realized how much I kind of liked dancing. Your mom urged me to continue and so I did.” He shrugs, “Turns out I wasn’t bad.”

“Does that mean you’re good?” You raise a brow.

“Aren’t you the one trying to figure out how good I am?” He asks you slowly, voice lower than before.

“Touché.” You say just as low. 

“I kept dancing all throughout middle school and high school. I was fairly cool with your mom but things really changed…” Taehyung looks at you, solemn expression on his face. “A few months after high school, my grandmother passed away. And I know that’s technically an adult now, but I still felt like a child.”

“Sorry, Taehyung.” You surprise yourself when you reach for his hand, “That must have been hard.” 

“It was.” He admits with a smile. “Your mom was the one who kind of took me in. She was like a guardian but not legally.” He laughs. “She was like a second mom.” 

“She’s pretty good at being a mom.” You return his smile. “I’m glad you had her…and I’m glad she’s had you all this time too.”

“That’s what family does.” He says it so simply. “I’m sorry again…about…”

“I understand, Taehyung.” You glance down at your hand that rests on his before quickly pulling it back. Cheeks warming up. “By the way, I’m allowed to make fun of you, right? 12 year old you?”

“I would expect you to. I also want to make fun of 12 year old me. But hey, poor guy was just really determined to get you to fall in love with me. We can’t blame 12 year old me for being so romantic, right?”

“Are you still that romantic?” You ask him, eyes on his and he stares at you for a few moments. “I didn’t realize you were this forward.” He decides to tease you instead of answer.

“You never gave me a chance to be.” You crack a smile, “To be fair, a little alcohol running through my veins might make me say weird things.” 

“Good to know.” He chuckles. “What other weird things are you thinking that you might say?”

“You’re curious about what’s on my mind?” 

“I might just be curious in general.” He responds before lifting a hand to get the bar tenders attention, signaling you guys want another round. “About you.”

You gaze at his side profile and feel your stomach twist in a way that feels exciting. “Am I also allowed to make fun of you for hating me and now suddenly you’re curious about me?”

Taehyung lowers his hand and slowly turns his head in your direction with a winsome smile growing on his face, “God, I didn’t know how much you like to teased someone.” 

“What?” You point at yourself innocently. “You’re surprised at what kinds of words leave my mouth?”

“Well—”

“—You’d probably would have known if you would have paid more attention to it.” You point at your lips now. “But you were too concerned about my eyes and how I didn’t know how to use them.”

Taehyung stares at you before sighing out, clearly amused. “I wish I could go back in time and treat you diff—”

“—I don’t.” You grin at him. “Or else I wouldn’t have all this material to make fun of you.” 

The bartender brings the two drinks, the glasses sliding in front of you and Taehyung. He picks his up and you do the same, both of you bringing the glasses together in a little cheers. “This is fun.” You tell him softly.

“Is it?”

“Yeah. I think you were right about letting loose.” You chuckle, “Before coming back home, I was living so stressed. Can’t really remember the last time I winded down.”

“Honestly, me either.” Taehyung sips his drink, eyes on the ice cubes. “But I didn’t think I’d be doing it with my first crush. 12 year old me was so sure we were going to fall in love.” He lifts his eyes to you, same playful glint from earlier. 

“You were so sure yet as an adult you don’t even know to touch me while we dance. 12 year old you might be disappointed.”

Taehyung keeps the glass to his lips and his eyes on you. They darken just the slightest and you notice immediately. 

“You know,” Taehyung finally lowers the glass and licks his lips, “It really almost sounds like you’re flirting with me.”

You crack a smile, fingers wrapping around the glass and you sip on your drink. 

“You’re not going to confirm nor deny?” He asks you, same amusement lingering.

“Maybe I’m just humoring your past self.” You finally say, glass back down to the bar top. “I think it’s only fair that it’s me who is a little mean to you now.”

Taehyung can’t help but laugh at this, his smile turning into something wide and boxy. “Feel free to humor me then.”

~

It’s way past closing time. You and Taehyung are leaving the bar, laughter on your lips, walking out into the parking lot when he suddenly halts his steps. You notice, confused expression when he smirks at you.

“Should we practice our routine one last time today before tomorrow?” He asks you.

“Here?” You glance around. “In the parking lot?”

“Is a parking lot not a good enough stage for you?” He teases and you roll your eyes. “I think we kind of bonded tonight so maybe…”

“Oh, you want to test it.” You feel a warmth trailing across your skin. “Let’s dance then. The second half.”

Taehyung looks excited, his lips spread into a smile but he’s trying to hide it but it’s not use. He’s enjoying himself. And he thinks you are too.

“Okay, ready?” He glances at you when you’re both in starting position. 

“Ready.” 

You both start the first few steps, your breaths are even and your footwork is smooth. You glance at Taehyung and it actually looks like you two are in sync. Well, you imagine so since that part has improved a lot. You’re both counting in your heads, knowing exactly when to transition from one move to another. 

You know what’s coming up but you’re just going to go with the flow, body spinning into a still Taehyung, twirling closer to him and right on cue, his hand lands perfectly on your lower back. It was smooth and you’re already feeling the slight shock and excitement but you stay calm knowing that was just one move.

A beat passes and you both continue the dance, feet moving in sync while your bodies flow together before you’re turning again and both of his hands are on your waist. Both knees slightly bend, faces tucked into your chests as you continue counting in your heads. The silent music continues and so do your movements. 

His fingers don’t dig into your skin, no, they’re just light enough that you can imagine the delicacy that is shown through your movements. You spin out, his arm extending until you’re far from one another, only thing connecting you is your fingertips lightly grasping his. And then he’s pulling you in, your chest coming closer to his. His left hand goes to the back of your neck and his fingers slide down, carefully trailing over the material of your shirt. Like he is painting an outline of your spine. And a sudden thought occurs to you. How would his fingers feel if it was against your bare skin? Then finally, he’s resting his hand on your lower back.

You can still hear the music in your head, the counts still going off and right on beat you tilt your chin towards his face as he lowers his eyes to you and his right hand comes to your jaw. Fingers brushing against it, soft and slow. And then you can hear how the song ends. No more counting. Just your eyes on each other and a feeling swirling so messily in your lower stomach. He is looking as mesmerized as you feel.

“I guess we did bond.” You finally whisper. “Who would have thought?”

~

It’s the day of the festival. The day is finally here and you’re a little nervous but mostly just excited. You and Taehyung decided to ride to the gardens together (perk of being neighbors) and you’ve made your way to where the dances will be occurring later this evening. Everyone’s busy with making sure the stage set up is perfect but mostly, everyone is in good spirits as they hang around.

“Mom!” You light up when you see your mother strolling through the gardens, making her way towards the stage. She’s with Soonja and Eunja, the three of them with their arms linked and stars in their eyes as they look around. 

Your mom sees you, smile bright when her and her friends come closer towards you and Taehyung. “Hi, you two.” She tries not to squeal when she sees the stage and knows that the two of you will be on it later tonight. “How are you both feeling?” She looks between you both, “Confident?”

“A little nervous.” You hide your face in your hands but you smile. “Only a little.”

“I think we finally nailed the routine though.” Taehyung tells your mom, his eyes sliding to yours and you can see a knowing smirk.

“I knew you would!” Your mom cheers excitedly.

“Going to see two good looking people dancing on stage, it might make my heart swoon.” Soonja winks at you.

“Your heart swoons when you see find a coupon.” Eunja rolls her eyes, “Say something more meaningful!”

“Hey!” Soonja’s brows pull together in disapproval. “You think coupons don’t deserve it too?”

“Ignore them.” Your mom chuckles, “You guys have a little while until the dances begin, right? Why are you just standing here?”

You blink at your mom with wide eyes, “What do you mean? What if someone needs help with the stage or—”

“—Oh, please. Go enjoy the rest of the festival.” She pushes you towards Taehyung. “You too, Taehyung. Show my daughter around, it’s been a while.”

“Oh.” Taehyung blushes, “I could do that.”

“Mom.” You groan but she’s insistent.

“Go, go, go. Enjoy.”

“Each other.” Soonja whispers in Eunja’s ear but the other lady swats her arm.

“Have fun!” Your mom waves you off but you haven’t even left yet. Just you and Taehyung staring at these ladies in disbelief. Well, Taehyung is just trying not to laugh.

“Okay, Auntie.” Taehyung finally says, cracking a small smile. “Let’s go, y/n.”

“Fine.” You huff out but you can’t help but smile too. You both wave goodbye to the women before exploring the rest of the festival.

“You’re such a meddler.” Eunja tells your mom.

“Of course I am.” She shrugs, “Who else is going to do it?”

~

You’ve walked around for a while, exploring different vendors and trying delicious foods. Jin’s got a food truck and he is probably the most popular one—you’re realizing that most of his customers are there for him rather than the food. Handsome men have it so easy, you think to yourself.

“So, I know what you’re going to say but…” Taehyung grabs your wrist and starts leading you in another direction, “We can’t have fun at this festival without visiting the main attraction.”

“Oh god.” You know where this is going, “Don’t make me.” You’re pouting now but Taehyung just chuckles and he continues to drag you around.

“How could we not visit the pumpkin patch?” He finally says with a grin.

“Easy.” You shrug and he playfully scoffs at you. “Do we really have to?”

“Yes,” He’s determined. “I know you’re grossed out by them, so no carving. But something that could interest you more?”

And that innocent little suggestion is how you and Taehyung ended up sitting at a table with like 3 others (they’re children.) with tiny little pumpkins rolling around and a whole bunch of different paint. 

“You chose a good one.” You whine when you eye Taehyung’s pumpkin. It isn’t too lumpy so he’s having an easier time painting it. You on the other hand…

“Holy shit.” Taehyung stares down at the pumpkin you’ve been painting. Eyes wide as he tilts his head. “What the hell is…” His words get quieter as he speaks. Slight disturbed expression before he finally looks at you. “I thought you were an artist.” He says with a straight face.

“Art is subjective.” You say with an equally straight face.

He nods, eyes going back down to the monstrosity. “It sure is.” 

“You make me do this…” You narrow your eyes at him, “And then make fun of me?”

“I’m not making fun of you!” Taehyung grins. “It is simply a genuine reaction.”

“I am an excellent painter!”

“Are you?” He teases you, “I don’t—Hey!” He stares at you with big eyes as his fingers go to touch his cheek. “Did you just get paint on me?” He asks.

You smile at him as innocently as possible despite the fact you’re holding the paint brush with a glob of purple paint on the bristles. “No.”

Taehyung’s trying to keep a serious expression on his face even though he wants to laugh. “You really are the pick of the patch, huh?” He shakes his head, fingers wiping at his cheek and he glances down at the paint on his fingers.

 “I don’t know,” You shrug, chuckling before your eyes go back to your own pumpkin. “Are you picking me?” 

“Only if you let me call you pumpkin.”

“Never.”

Taehyung bumps his shoulder into yours, “We should probably head back. The dances will start soon and we have to get ready.”

“Can’t believe the day is finally here.” You sigh out before turning your face towards him. “You think we will do a good job?”

“I think we will make your mom proud.”

~

And you do. Everyone danced so beautifully but there was an audible gasp among the audience when you and Taehyung began your dance. It felt just like the night before in the parking lot of the bar. You two were in perfect sync and his fingers rested and guided your body with grace, delicacy and precision. The last moments you two are on stage, he has his fingers at your jaw and when the lights dim, he slowly brushes them down the expanse of your neck.

“You were really good.” He tells you quietly, eyes still on yours despite the sudden darkness as the audience claps and cheers. “And beautiful.” 

You take a few breaths before your eyes travel across his face, “It kind of feels like you’re the one flirting with me now.”

“And if I am?” His fingers continue to slide down, brushing against your arm until his fingertips touch your own.

“Well,” You laugh a little, finally stepping away from him and facing the audience. “I’d say I like it a lot more than you being rude to me.”

Taehyung faces the audience as well before you both bow, “Then I guess I should keep doing it.”

You and Taehyung make your way off the stage and your first priority is finding your mom and it isn’t hard…she’s front and center with big, teary eyes. She is quick to wrap her frail arms around you, the hug is weak but you feel all the power and love behind it.

“You two were incredible!” She pulls away and then hugs Taehyung as well.

“We tried.” You chuckle, “So I am guessing you liked it?”

“Liked it?! I loved it. It will stay fresh in my memories for the rest of time.” Your mom wipes at her eyes, “You both looked so…”

“Hot.” Soonja says with a smile. “That was one hell of a dance.”

“Soonja!” Eunja scolds her, “She’s vulgar,” She looks at you and Taehyung now. “She means to say—”

“—You’re right.” Soonja nods. “Hot wasn’t the right word. Sexy.”

“I give up on you.”

“About time.”

“Thanks, thank you.” You look between the ladies, cheeks warm. “I mean, I think.”

“I’d say it was a compliment.” Taehyung bumps into your side. “It’s gotten late, huh?”

“Yes.” Your mom agrees, “We are about to head home now…but wow, what a successful year, wasn’t it?” She smiles at you both. “In all my years of experiencing this festival…this one had a different kind of magic, didn’t it?”

“It was nice.” You look at your mom with soft eyes, “I’m happy you enjoyed it, mom.” 

“Best festival this place has seen so far.” She tells you honestly. “So? Are you two going to keep walking around or head home as well?”

“Whatever y/n wants.” Taehyung says, “We drove together so…”

“Honestly, I’m pretty tired.” You look at Taehyung with sorry eyes, “But we can stay longer if you want?

“No, I’m pretty ready to head home as well.” He pulls his phone from his pocket, “It is after 9 already and we’ve had a long day.”

“Okay, let’s go then. Mom, breakfast tomorrow?” You ask before hugging her again.

“Yeah! Taehyung you come too!”

“Oh, sure.”

“Now get going, you guys deserve some rest!”

“Let’s see if they’re getting any ‘rest’ after they danced like tha—ow.” Soonja rubs her arm where Eunja pinched her.

“Anyway,” You clear your throat, “I guess we will leave then. See you tomorrow, mom.”

“Bye, my love!” She sings out cutely as she watches you and Taehyung walk away and then she glances at her two friends. “Good dance, huh?”

“Yeah, it made me miss my libido.”

“Well, who do you think choreographed it?” She smirks at her friends and they start laughing and Soonja just links her arm with your moms again.

“Ohhh~” She whistles. “Bad girl!” and the three start giggling before leaving as well.

~

The drive back to the apartment complex is filled with a comfortable silence. Taehyung has the windows rolled down, the chilly breeze feels so refreshing against your skin. You’re both content with how the dance turned out…your mother’s happy face is what makes both of you so satisfied. 

When Taehyung parks the comfortable silence turns into a silence with expectations. You aren’t sure what to say? Thanks for the ride? Or maybe…want to come inside for a drink or? You aren’t sure what’s going on in his head either…you just see how he glances at you with his lip stuck between his teeth. 

You both get out of his car and start walking towards the building. “I’ll walk you to your door.” Taehyung suddenly mumbles, “You know, just in case you get kidnapped despite me being three doors down.”

“It could happen.” You look at him, “Never know. Better be safe.”

“Exactly.” Taehyung smiles, “Your mom would kill me if something happened to you with me being that close.”

“Well, good thing you’re that close.”

“Good thing.” He nods.

You are both walking slowly through the parking lot and it’s not like you can’t see your apartments right up ahead…it’s not a big complex. But you can feel how your body yearns for more time…you’re surprised but lately, time with Taehyung has been really nice and you’re at that point where you want it to keep going.

“You think you’ll actually get some sleep tonight?” Taehyung asks you, “I know you said you’ve been having trouble since…everything.”

“I don’t know.” You sigh, “I’m trying to stay positive so my mom sees me happy. I don’t want her to see me all sad, you know, knowing…but yeah, at night. Alone. I don’t stay as positive.” You laugh a little, not much humor in the sound. 

“I get it.” Taehyung says softly, “But…I’m glad you’re able to smile for your mom. I know it means everything to her.”

“I know.” You agree solemnly. 

“Let’s just enjoy our days.” 

“I have this place for 6 months but I kind of wish I would have just stayed at my mom’s house.” You begin to sulk, “I didn’t know.” 

“Exactly, you didn’t know.” Taehyung bumps into your side as a way to comfort you. “But you know, your mom probably likes her privacy as much as anyone else.” 

“I guess so.”

“And—oh, wow.” You and Taehyung come to a stop. “That was a short walk.”

You chuckle, nodding your head before glancing at your front door. “Well, uh, good job today.”

Taehyung sways on his feet, his eyes going around before landing on you again. “Yeah, you too.”

“So—

“I was—”

You both try to speak at the same time. And Taehyung is quick to gesture towards you, “You go!”

“No, no!” You shake your head, “You go first.”

“Okay.” Taehyung steps a little closer to you, “I was thinking maybe we didn’t have to end the night yet?”

Thank god. You try to keep a calm expression but you feel giddy inside. “Oh?”

“Like, we just pulled off something we worked really hard for.” He starts explaining, “Maybe we could celebrate?”

“Celebrate?”

“I have some wine in my apartment…if you—if you want to come over and have some with me.” He gazes into your eyes and you see them soaking in something you don’t fully recognize. This is new territory. “If you want.” He finishes softly.

“Hmm,” You look off to the side innocently, clearly teasing him and he’s trying not to smirk when you question cutely, “I wonder if that’s what I want?”

“Maybe you want something else?” You’re surprised by the drop in his voice. “A different drink, I mean.”

You turn your head to face him quickly, your cheeks feeling like they’re on fire as you stare into his eyes. He’s the one teasing you now. “I guess I could explore my options.” Is what you say and he nods towards the direction of his apartment.

“Perfect. See what the options are and tell me what it is you want…” He pauses, eyes looking darker before he smirks. “And I’ll give it to you.”

You cannot hide your amusement, eyes on him when you begin following him to his place, three doors to the left. When he stops in front of his door, he puts the code and lets the both of you inside.

“Welcome to my—wait, wait.” He suddenly stops, spinning in his spot when he remembers…

“Is…” Your eyes go to the wall to the right when you spot something familiar. “Is that mine?” You ask him, finger pointed at a small portrait that is hung up.

“Um,” He looks around awkwardly, “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?” You quirk a brow, lips spreading into a grin. “You bought my art? When?”

Taehyung shakes his head with a smile, trying to rid himself of the slight embarrassment. “Uh, like a year ago?”

You walk closer to it and inspect it when your mouth falls open and you face him again. “I remember this one.” You tell him quietly. “I was struggling to create anything. So finally I made this and I was told how not good it was…” You chuckle, cheeks heating up all over again. “I was shocked when it got sold.”

Taehyung blinks at you, surprised. “Not good?” He walks closer to you, his eyes going to the small portrait. “It was my favorite one.” 

“Why?” you ask but he’s quiet, eyes still on your art.

“I felt like I understood it.” He finally tells you. 

“Understood it?”

“Lost.” Is all he says. 

And although in the last couple of days Taehyung has made your body react in different ways like excitement swirling in your lower belly. But today, right now, you think this is the first time your heart is the one reacting. You feel it bang against your chest roughly. It wants to jump out. 

“I think I do want wine.” You tell him quietly, your voice barely audible. 

He faces you and extends his arm out, “Whatever you want from me you can have.” He says it with such subtlety. 

You take a seat on his sofa as he fetches you both a glass of red wine. You look around his place…small and cozy like yours but his furniture looks a lot more modern. Well, that makes sense, you think. Your furniture is your mom’s from a storage unit, who knows how old it all is. 

“Here.” He hands you a glass, “Taste it and tell me what you think.”

You look him over as he takes a seat right next to you and raise a brow. “You want me to tell you if it’s good, huh?” And then you bring the glass to your lips and take a sip, “It’s good.”

“I like to know these things.” He shrugs while he sips his own drink. “So,” He brings the glass to his lap. “Did you have a boyfriend or you know, someone uh, special like that…” He clears his throat, “Before coming back home?”

“You want to know my relationship status?” You try not to sound too teasing but he sees right through you.

“I told you I was curious about you.”

“Well, I’d hope I’m incredibly single since I’ve been pretty forward with you recently.” You say as nonchalant as possible making Taehyung chuckle.

“Maybe you’ve said a thing or two that made me sure. But I thought I should still ask.”

“Are you? You know, incredibly single?”

“Incredibly.”

“Oh?” You laugh before taking another sip. “So Ida isn’t in the picture then?” You eye him with your lips still on the glass and he shakes his head frantically.

“No. no.” He waves a finger at you, “Have I innocently flirted? Maybe.”

“So is that what you’re doing with me?” You bring the glass down now, playful glint in your eyes. “Innocently flirting with me?”

“No,” He smiles, blush on his cheeks and a fiery warmth crawling up his neck. “It’s not so innocent, I don’t think.”

“Well, thank god.” You tease him and he’s loving this side of you, you can tell. He’s looking at you with such mirth. “Can we share something then?”

Taehyung eyes you curiously, “Like what?”

“Even when we weren’t on good terms…ever had not innocent thoughts?” You bring the glass to your mouth again, taking a few sips while you watch his mouth fall open in surprise. “I can give an example, if that helps.”

Taehyung watches you as you conceal your smirk and he’s feeling his body tingle. “It helps.” He says slowly.

“I thought about your hands every time we were practicing. They’re really nice. I could give that as a regular compliment but since this is ‘not innocent’ I’m sure you can assume what my thoughts about them were like.” You tilt your head innocently, “But don’t worry, those thoughts were short lived since your rudeness killed it.” Now you laugh.

Taehyung is looking flustered but he’s managing to keep his expression calm even though he’s trying so hard not to imagine what your thoughts were like. “Fine.” He tells you with a confidence, “Since you want it, I can give you my own example.”

“Perfect.”

“You’d show up wearing those legging things and I struggled not to look at your ass in them.” He speaks calmly. Slowly. “But I did. And I am sure you can assume what kinds of thoughts I was having as well.” 

You’re trying not to snort and ruin the mood that’s currently going so you settle for a long sigh, “Yeah, I think I can imagine what you were thinking.”

Taehyung gazes at you, lips parted and eyes growing darker. It’s quiet between the both of you and he decides to kick it up a notch. He’s feeling confident that it’s what you want. “Then tell me what it is you think I was thinking.” He requests this to you, voice slow and deep.

“You want me to tell you what you were thinking?”

“Yeah.” He nods, setting his wine glass down onto the table in front of the couch.

Your eyes follow the glass and you decide to do the same thing, glass set next to his. “Okay.” You breathe out softly, leaning back into the sofa, getting more comfortable as you both turn your bodies to face one another.

“And—”

“—Mm, mm.” You shake your head, “You told me to tell you so let me speak first.”

He slightly lifts his brows before gesturing a hand to you, urging you to continue.

“I think…” You bite your lip in contemplation, “You’ve definitely thought about fucking me at least once in these last few weeks.”

He’s a little surprised by your vulgarity but it only makes him feel more drawn to you in this moment, “At least once.” He confirms with a sly smile.

“I thought you didn’t like me though?” You tease him, “Kind of contradictory.”

“I told you I didn’t hate you, y/n. I was mad. Different.” He shrugs, “But I’m still a man. With eyes.”

“Oh? That’s right and you know how to use your eyes, huh?” You keep teasing, “That’s why they were always on my ass?”

“Always?” He challenges you. 

“You probably thought about dropping your hand lower, you know, every time we danced.” You keep going, “Did you want to cup me in your hands?”

“You would have liked that, right?” He keeps challenging. “Since you’re a fan of my hands.”

“And what exactly do you think I was thinking?” You turn it around now, “Huh?”

“Depends.” He leans a little closer to you, “How explicit am I allowed to be?”

“Rated R. We’re adults.” You smile cheekily.

“Okay…” He thinks for a moment, his eyes never leaving yours. “I am willing to bet you thought about my fingers when you touched yourself. Maybe you wish they were mine?”

“Oh, that’s a bold assumption.” You crack a devious smile. “Hmm.”

“Are you doing that thing again where you aren’t willing to confirm nor deny?” His drapes his right arm over the sofa and his fingers find your shoulder. “That’s a little mean.”

“Didn’t I say it was my turn to be mean?” You take a breath before continuing. “The wine has been good, by the way. You kept true to your word, you gave me what I want.”

“Is there anything else you want?” He strokes your skin and goosebumps begin to rise and he’s concealing the smile that wants to spread. You react to his words and he’s enjoying it.

“What else are you offering?” You whisper the question, eyes going all across his face, lips included and he decides you’ve flirted enough.

“Me?” He asks innocently, despite the fact he’s looking at you with such a wanton expression. “I would probably kiss you if that’s what you wanted.”

“Hmm,” You lick your lips, your own eyes clouding over, a lewdness corrupting you from the inside out. “Is that what I want?”

“Tell me.”

“Fine,” You lean forward a little, your body wanting to move on its own and his does the same. “I do.” You whisper again, eyes on his lips but his hand goes to your cheek now.

“Before I kiss you,” He strains in his spot, wanting nothing more than to do that. “I feel the need to tell you I might have developed an actual crush on you and I hope this isn’t a one-time thing.”

You stare at him, only feeling yourself grow hotter from his words. “Good.” You lean forward more, eyes beginning to close when his face inches closer to yours, his warm breaths hitting your lips. “I’m hoping for the same.”

Taehyung feels a satisfied, roll of electricity sweep over his skin and his hands go to your hips as he pulls you closer to him. You feel hot under his touch. Taehyung leans in more, his lips slowly finding yours, he’s careful and smooth but the sensual movement of his lips moving over yours has you surprised. 

Your hands go to the back of his neck, urging him to deepen the kiss. He falls forward more, your bodies closing in on one another as he kisses you deeper. He’s guiding your body to lay back, his hands now roaming your back. Lips still exploring your lips and your stomach starts flip flopping the moment he lightly sucks onto your bottom lip, little moan escaping you and his tongue sweeps through. He rolls it over your tongue, moving so slow and expertly. 

Taehyung moves to slot himself between your legs, his kisses grow more frantic and you’re matching his passion with your own. He’s groaning into your mouth the moment he rolls his hips into you, your legs instantly wrapping around his waist, heels of your feet pushing him closer to you. 

He bucks his hips into your center harder and you can feel an obvious erection grinding against your clothed core. It starts driving you wild. You move your face to the side, needing a moment to breathe and Taehyung takes this opportunity to plant wet kisses all across your jawline. His teeth nip at your throat and his tongue slides against your skin, making you breathe heavier and heavier. 

“How far do you want to go tonight?” He whispers roughly, lips at your ear.

“Far.” You say quickly, your hands in his hair as you try to push his head down more. He gets the hint in an instant. He kisses down your neck, to your collarbones and he’s quick to slide his hands up your shirt, and under your bra, his long fingers groping your breasts. “Here?” You ask breathlessly. He looks up at you, confused. “You want to do this here? On your couch?”

He smirks before sitting up straight, his hands going to yours as he guides you to sit up as well. “Would you rather be in my bed, y/n?” He asks, head nodding in the direction of his room.

“Yeah.” You admit, “I would also rather if you lost some clothes.”

“Me?” He grins at you. “Let’s go.” Taehyung stands from the sofa, his hand taking yours and he guides you to his bedroom, and once inside he slips his shirt off. “How’s this for a start?”

“It’s a start.” You chuckle, sitting on his bed. “How does it end?”

“Me inside you hopefully.” He cracks a smile, “If that’s what you meant by far.” 

“Come here.” You sigh, your own shirt coming off, along with your bra. Taehyung pauses, his eyes raking over your bare torso and he sees how you start pulling your pants lower.

“Wait.” He comes to you quickly, hands looking greedy as his fingers go to the waistband and he’s assisting you. “These too.” He whispers, your panties being dragged down as well. “Fuck, you’re pretty.” He tells you when you lean back on his bed, completely naked.

He crawls over your body and his lips are everywhere. Your breasts, your stomach, your hips and you’re struggling to keep it quiet when his mouth and hands feel so good roaming your body like this. He lowers himself, face between your thighs, eyes on your fucked out face when his fingers go to your heat. He spreads your folds and his fingers are quick to get sticky from how wet you’ve become.

You’re watching him and then an idea comes to you, you smirk and use his words from earlier, “Taste it and tell me what you think.”

Taehyung can’t help the lazy smile on his lips, his own expression probably looks as fucked out as yours. He leans forward with his eyes still on yours when he licks up your cunt. He keeps his tongue playing with you, swirling around before pulling back a little. “It’s good.” He teases.

You laugh a little, head falling to the mattress when his tongue digs in again, licking your clit with the right amount of pressure and you start to lose it. He’s quietly groaning into your pussy, your mind hazy at the sound. And finally, his fingers start joining the fun. He has one at your entrance, slowly pushing it in and you gasp at the sudden intrusion but he doesn’t let you think about his one finger too much because now he’s pushing in another.

“That’s…” You moan, “That’s good.” 

He curls those two fingers before moving them, fucking your hole with technique like he has long mastered this skill. You’re squirming on the bed, body tensing as he builds up your pleasure. He can feel your walls shuddering against his fingers and he figures you’re close but maybe he could have assumed it based on how vocal you’re getting.

Your hands go to his hair, pushing his face further into you and he moves his tongue faster and you’re left with heavy breaths leaving your parted lips. You come. You finish all over his face. Out of breath, you continue to squirm when he keeps eating you out, the pleasure going into overdrive. You slam your eyes shut, trying to handle it but you can’t. Not tonight, anyway.

He understands, pulling his face back and his fingers leaving your hole. He stares down at you, eyes filled with lust and need. He stands, undoes his pants and pulls them down his legs along with his underwear. You try to keep your eyes on him, his length exposed to you and you mumble to yourself, “Holy shit.” You say between erratic breaths. You were not expecting him to be this big. 

“How do you want this to go?” He asks you, his own chest heaving. So ready to fuck you, he’s painfully hard at this point. “What position will help you come?”

He’s thoughtful, you give him that. You smile, still breathless while you answer. “Probably on top.”

“Fuck…okay, yeah. I’m going to fucking love that.” He says before making his way to one side of the bed.

“But I really want you to have a view of my ass so.” You smirk at him, lifting your body from the mattress.  “Lay back. Maybe stack some pillows, I have a feeling you’d like to watch intently, hm? Have a good view.”

Taehyung sucks in a sharp breath, his hands going to his cock, fingers lightly stroking it. “Okay.” He says, hand leaving his aching member and then he’s piling a few pillows before he lays down and leans against them. “Condom.” He point towards his night stand.

You glance at the nightstand, reaching over to open the drawer and grab one before handing it to him. “Put it on.”

His fingers move fast, ripping the package and sliding the condom onto his hard standing dick. “I’m ready for you.” Is all he says, breaths so erratic it makes you feel so turned on again, like you were never touched in the first place. 

You crawl over his legs, eyes staying focused on his eyes. You make it to his lap before turning in your spot, your back facing him and he loses his mind. Eyes on your back before they fall down to your ass. You take a moment, looking down to his how hard he is. You reach for his length and hear him let out a long sigh, fingers wrapping around him. 

After a moment, you lift up and bring his cock to your hole, letting it brush against you, spreading your wetness. His hands go to your hips, fingers digging into your skin and you moan out when you push the head of his cock inside you. Taehyung’s body shudders the moment he starts entering you.

You slowly slide down, pausing every few seconds as you adjust. Thighs already shaking as you take him, his impressive size stretching you open. And finally, you both moan in unison once you’re completed seated. You exhale deeply, trying to fully adjust to him. He watches your back, letting you take your time. Suddenly, you feel the warmth of his soft fingertips at the nape of your neck and then he is slowly sliding his fingers down, tracing your spine with the most delicate touch. Your hips move forward at this sensation. 

And then he’s taking both of his hands, grabbing onto your hips before he cups your ass, squeezing the flesh and you smirk. You turn your head to see him but his eyes are focused on your body, not your face. He looks like he’s going to melt at the sight. You feel ready, motivated even as you start moving your hips…you grind into him a few times, his grip getting stronger on you. You finally rise from his pelvis and sink down again. Over and over. Riding him with a consistent rhythm. God, it feels so good. His cock is nestled so deep inside you and every time it brushes against your walls you have to remind yourself to keep another orgasm at bay. 

Taehyung is loving the view. He’s trying to keep still but every now and then he thrusts upward and you swear you try not to crumble at the feeling. He’s hitting your spot so accurately that you’re whining and whimpering on top of him…he knows exactly what he’s doing to you. You ride him harder and faster, your stamina surprising you but you are chasing this orgasm now.

“Fuck, if you keep…” Taehyung mumbles, his moans are deep and grumbly. “I’m going to come…” He warns you, voice shaky 

“Good.” You cry out as you slam down harder, your walls squeezing him tightly. Your fingers find your clit and you start rubbing yourself, getting you closer so you can come at the same time as him. “Fuck,” You moan. “I’m going to come too. Come now, fuck, come now.” 

Taehyung grips your hips again, his head rolling back into the pillows as he bucks his hips up and comes into the condom. 

He goes weak, eyes rolling around, trying to remain sane as you keep fucking yourself onto him before you finally come undone. You roll your hips, grinding as you ride out your high. You are fucking exhausted. 

“Holy shit…” He starts sitting up, lips going to your shoulder. “I’m serious, this is not a one-time thing.” 

You laugh, your body is hot and tingly. “Definitely not.” 

“I should take you on a date then, right?” Another kiss.

“I think so.”

~~~

6 months later

Taehyung has an arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. When you’re all snuggled up to him he places a kiss to your temple. “She would love it.” He tells you softly. His eyes on the painting you finally finished, it’s 12x 12 and you momentarily sit it down on top of your mother’s grave. 

“Yeah, she gave me the idea for this before the festival.” You smile, “I can’t believe it’s already been 2 months since she’s passed.”

“Yeah, me either.” He admits, “I miss her.”

“Me too.”

“You know,” He looks at you, eyes on yours when you look back at him too. “I was thinking, since your art inspo is back and all…”

“Hmm?”

“What if…we turn the dance studio into an art studio as well? There’s plenty of practice rooms we could turn into art rooms? I’ll handle the dance lessons. You can teach like painting classes or something?” He eyes you carefully, wondering what you’ll think.

“Oh.” You raise your brows a little, “That’s kind of a good idea.” 

“Isn’t it?” He asks more excited. “What do you think? Should we do it?” 

“We could try.” You say the words slowly, tempted to bury your face in his chest because he looks so cute like this. All excited and warm and handsome and damn, you’re in love. “We would have to make some changes at the studio for sure.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung grins, eyes lit up with something so tender. “But changes are good, right?”

You gaze at him for a moment before your eyes go around the cemetery, trees are tall with green leaves and you notice all the beautiful flowers that have recently bloomed. “Yeah.” You nod, heart beginning to glow before you look back at Taehyung. “They are.” 

[acesofspadess]

Starting Line

a/n: Up All Night is here!!!!!!!!!! if you have any specific moments from this era send them in!!!!

December 2010

You remember when you said you were ready for your life to change, yeah well surprise… it did.  Immediately after The Final, the band's song, Forever Young,  was leaked. It was only supposed to be released had you won, but the people had a different plan, and so did Simon…

It was only a single day after the unfortunate events of the finally did Simon call you all in. Luckily you were still moving out of the house so the commute wasn't nearly as bad as it would've been had you all gone back home.

Walking into the room where Simon was sitting was nerve wracking. None of you knew why you were there, and the tension in the room was thick. 

“I took a big fat risk with you guys.” Here we go. Simon had a way of putting you all down in the most inhumane way possible, only to bring you back up. You all sat there listening to him go on about the band and you could only imagine if this is what happened to all artists. “So despite the risk, Sony will be taking you on in the morning.”

You were all over the moon. This is what you wanted to do from the moment you made it through the judges house. It was finally happening. You all jumped in excitement before Simon was talking again. “We also want to do a little show in your first year of the band, so a camera crew will be following you around for a lot of the places you go.”

You all were so excited, getting signed and a show, could it get any better.

“Autumn, Harry, a word please.” You both told the rest of the boys you would meet them downstairs as Simon had you sit again. 

“Now, I'm sure you're somewhat aware that you two have had the most recognizement of the band during the show.” You and Harry looked at each other subtly as he spoke. “I just wNt you guys to know that is only going to increase by a ton.” you looked at Harry who was already looking at you. “I just wanted to warn you, you'll probably get it more than the rest of the boys. That's all, you're free to go.” you both said goodbye and walked down a little confused.

“What was that about?” Louis asked when you both stepped out the elevator. “I couldn’t even tell you.” all boys sensing your confusion left it alone. “I wonder how this show is going to work?” Zayn inquired in the van.

“I think it's going to be like a documentary.” Liam answered first, and you all agreed. “I hope its not too invasive.” you spoke quietly and Niall rested his head on your shoulder comfortingly. “It's not going to be Petal. We aren't that popular.” He joked trying to  lift your spirits. You shoved lightly, making everyone laugh. Maybe this is exactly where you needed to be.

"everyones going home for Christmas but maybe we can meet again after at my house?" you offered up. "Ill be there." Niall immediately pitched in. "Yeah, me too. After all, were gonna need to start on some music." Louis added in and you all got to discussing your first ever album. What the f-

~~~~~~~~~~

tags: if you want to be added just comment down below and for which story/ person you want to be tagged on. Can be tagged for multiple.

(Louis, Niall, Harry, Worth The Risk, Living, or All)

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive