#if you're gonna elaborate on a point i wasn't even making

[alas--pringles]

hm. someone screenshotted my tags and added them to the post. that’s a first. idk how i feel about that.

[medicinemane]

The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me

[palskippah]

Hi! Nimona told him to do a thumbs up (also I hope you get the reference image because I couldn't find it ajkdsad)

There's some mpreg headcanons and drawings under the cut! :D

By the way the limit of images is 30 so I had to make some longer images with comics to save space and put more drawings 😭

-Also, small continuation from the previous drawing:

(I wrote baby album but maybe it should be those albums that people keep of the pregnancy process ajskd)

-When Ballister first started showing, he was a bit insecure about it, but Ambrosius helped with that, in the romantic sense of worshipping and whatever, but also like this:

Translation (did my best to see how to translate it sorry sdjksd it works better in spanish)

1 Ballister: I think it's too soon to be getting fat- Ambrosius: You know what else is getting fat? 2 Ambrosius: Who said that

-Ballister goes through the denial of needing new clothes, so imagine him still wearing the stuff he usually wears and Nimona coming from behind and picking at the clothes by his shoulder and going in a high-pitched voice, as if the shirt was talking - I'm tired, boss while Ballister swats her away and say, leave me alone, it still fits me >:(

(it doesn't)

>Also Ballister absolutely refusing to wear maternity clothes, the only one he got he was like, wearing it and looking very unimpressed, and Ambrosius' like, you don't like it? :( and Ballister says, No. It's ugly as fuck >:(

>So, he just gets bigger shirts and stretch-ier pants and that's it. Also he gets an oversized hoodie and he says that's gonna be his best friend the rest of the pregnancy, and both Nimona and Ambrosius gasp offendedly at that.

So-

Ambrosius (turning to look at Nimona): What the- hey, I am his best friend. Nimona: Course not! You lost that privilege with what happened that one time (she means the movie events, more than five years ago) Ballister: Ambrosius' my best friend, Nimona. Ambrosius: HAH >:D Nimona: Aw :( Ballister: Because you're my sidekick :) Nimona: :D Ambrosius: Hey, what now- that sounds better than best friend :(

-Ballister during most of the pregnancy is like, woo baby :) but at the very last months he's at least half of the time pissed off, tired and done with being pregnant.

(my incredible math skills in the next point)

>70% of that time he's mad at Ambrosius (who made him pregnant), 20% mad at Nimona (who consciously (and sometimes unconsciously) gets on his nerves) and the remaining 10 he's pissed off at Baby (and he gets sad about that one, because he's just a baby, so he redirects it at Ambrosius instead 😔)

>Ambrosius does his best to be of help but usually there's nothing he can do aside from being there (and sometimes getting out of Ballister's sight, if he's really angry- in the sense of 'I don't even want to see you now')

>Most of the time Ballister just cools off.

-Also Ambrosius giving him massages, sometimes randomly on his shoulders or his feet, and sometimes something more elaborated, like Ballister laying down and him using body oil, setting the ambient and all to massage his back (and Ballister almost always falls asleep in those).

>Sometimes tho he just does a 'chop chop chop' at his shoulders (it doesn't do anything besides amusing Ballister and keeping him company)

>Also Nimona said that of course he'd just randomly start chopping Ballister while Ballister does nothing about it, so Ambrosius starts chopping her instead

(made these two drawings with like three weeks of difference ajdkad)

(N/SFW thingies on the next four points and the next four images)

-Also with that previous point imagine Ballister waking up all angry, and Ambrosius just not knowing what he can do for him to stop being mad, but it turns out that Ballister had just woken up horny and pent-up.

>And once he realizes, he's like Ambrosius... (with intentions of getting some), and Ambrosius is like 🧍? because a second ago Ballister wasn't even looking at him.

-Also with this, Ballister is just very much hornier now (after the first trimester which was the worst) and Ambrosius doesn't mind at all - except when his jaw gets sore or he's running late for work because they lost track of time and also other situations ajsdks but usually he's delighted.

>(In the drawing Ballister just crossed one leg over the other once he heard Ambrosius coming in, because he can't maintain the position too long without getting uncomfortable sdjksj)

-Whenever Ballister is like >:c and looking in Ambrosius' direction, he immediately assumes that his husband is angry at him.

>Y'know when you look intensely at someone so they feel your gaze and look at you back? Ballister here is trying to apply that, but it doesn't work bc of the previous point askdad

-I had written sometime (I think) about them blaming Baby on literally anything that has more or less to do with him. If Ballister's crying, if he forgets stuff, if Nimona coddles Ballister too much and pisses him off, if Ambrosius wastes all the cleaning product in two weeks because he had been cleaning too much (he's nesting and realizes that sometime later), if Nimona and Ballister eat the weirdest stuff that at least he wouldn't eat in normal circumstances- and a long etc.

-During Ballister's pregnancy, Nimona works the most she had ever worked in her existence (in the biscuit factory):

-Both Nimona and Ambrosius are the most supportive c: yippie. Supportive husband/best friend and supportive sidekick/friend/sibling/etc

>An example would be of Ballister being tired, and if the time allows, the other two will immediately suggest a nap.

>Their collective naps usually last hours and they wake up disoriented, sweaty, with drool and the sheets marked on their faces.

>Also they wake up almost always stacked, Nimona always under the other two.

Translation

Nimona and Ballister: (snoring) Ambrosius: Fuck- what year is it? (tries to lift himself up)

-Also Nimona is the self-assigned pregnancy pillow, and at first Ballister had refused to let her do that, but as a sidekick she took it upon herself to make sure that her boss was comfy and could sleep well - and Ballister reminded her that that's not what sidekicks are for. She said, fuck off I'll do it anyways >:c

>Anyways he sleeps great with her help and earns himself a huge told you so from Nimona.

>I had written a thingy where just when she woke up she was like good morning boss :D while Ballister also said good morning and she hugged him while pushing Ambrosius away, even out of bed. I can't remember where I left it but once I find it, I'll see if it's good for posting pipipi Also Ballister and Ambrosius are corny husbands

>Also here I drew my vague idea of a bear bc I was too lazy to look for Nimona bear references sowwy

-Nimona sometimes shapeshifts into Ballister to make fun of him.

(This one joke gets lost in translation which is a shame but I'm gonna share the comic anyways sdjs)

>(She's messing around about names, doing a play in words using Gloreth's name while Ballister is already warning her to stop)

>Nimona urges them to get a name soon because Baby is almost born, and they're like yeah chill we're on it - and they're both sitting on the sofa, with Ballister's legs over Ambrosius' lap, while Ballister goes through their list on his tablet and Ambrosius focuses on giving him a massage on his feet.

They're like-

Ballister: So, Cyril? Ambrosius: No, my horse at the Institute was called that. Ballister: Right, then not that one... What about Casper? Ambrosius: Hmm... no. Ballister: Why not? Ambrosius: I don't know, I just don't really like it. Do you? Ballister: Eh, it's alright, I guess. I don't think Baby looks like a Casper, though Nimona: You don't even know how he looks yet! Ballister: You shut up, kid >:v Ballister: So, what about…

And they're making nearly to none progress but yeah sjdsd

>Also imagine Nimona (as Ballister) imitating what he does now that he's pregnant but x10 times more.

Translations

1 AUGHH- MY BACK 2 FUCKING AMBROSIUS! 3 Ambrosito? Can you get me a sweet treat? 🥺 4 I'M HUGE WAAA

>And while Ballister is like wtf I don't act like that, he turns to Ambrosius like, do I act like that? 😥 And Ambrosius, who was laughing to himself, goes, well... not so intensely, which is good enough for Ballister.

>But Nimona points out to what Ballister is eating with a mocking smile (and it is weird to be mocked by a version of himself that has a pink strand on his hair, but whatever), and he's like ? what? and realizes that he did ask for a sweet treat almost like Nimona depicted he does, because he did pull the big sparkly eyes and he did call Ambrosius Ambrosito while at it.

>Then he's wondering if he really complains about his back like that (he does, but as Ambrosius said, he isn't so intense about it, usually just holding his lower back and throwing his head back as he winces. Normal)

>(the yelling insults at Ambrosius is definitely not true. But he does throw daggers at him with his eyes when he's angry, he has to admit to himself)

>Now, about crying because he feels huge- yes. Very much true, but he doesn't wail. Just sobs and cries a river like the sensible, serious adult he is.

-Also that thing of knights don't cry and whatever. This one knight does cry, and he cries a lot (at least while he's pregnant).

>He cried once because he dreamt that Nimona was a little spider and even though he warned Ambrosius to be careful, he accidentally crushed her and he woke up not only incredibly sad but also upset with Ambrosius, even though he was aware that it was silly to get mad with him over a dream.

>Nimona was like boss :( while hugging him, and Ambrosius had to scoot a bit away because Ballister didn't even want to look at him as he wept. Ambrosius said a lot of reassuring words of I'm sorry, I think I didn't see her :( while Ballister was like, but I warned you so many times :'[

>Then he was like, I promise you, I'd never hurt Nimona. And Nimona herself said, yeah boss, I'd crush him first, don't you worry about it :) and Ballister said, but I couldn't protect you :''[ while hugging her harder.

>And both Nimona and Ambrosius are (internally) like, ohh, so that's what it's about.

>Anyways, just a bunch of hugging and comforting gets him to feel a little less sad and also Nimona saying, but you're great at protecting me now :D so, there's all that sdjksd

-Sometimes Ballister just breaks down over seemingly the most trivial stuff too (which is usually just the last straw over a bunch of other stuff going on)

Translation

1 Ambrosius: Balli? What happened? D: Ballister (with one eyeline going up and the other going down): Ambrosito, my eyeline's crooked* *the straw that broke the camel's back (his hair isn't cooperating) (his back hurts) (done) (clothes feel uncomfortable) (the baby won't stay still) 2 Ambrosius (doing Ballister's eyeline): Stay very still, love (focused) 3 (they're in front of the mirror) Ballister (laughing his ass off): BUT HOW DID YOU MAKE IT EVEN MORE CROOKED?! Ambrosius (embarrassed): Aw Ballister (holding his belly): Ow, Baby, don't kick me, sorry, sorry! I'll stay still now-

>(Y'know when a pregnant person laughs the baby inside gets all shaken skdsd I find it funny, so imagine Baby being like ??!! because Ballister keeps laughing too hard and shaking him all around and his kicks are like him going, stay the fuck still D:<) (Ballister's still weepy but now he's crying with laughter, which is better than him crying from being overwhelmed)

-Also Ballister's very scared of giving birth but he's very good at pretending that Baby will simply materialize in his arms rather than him having to push him out.

(Drawings based over this)

Translation

1 Ballister happy because his baby is almost born 2 (Remembers that he has to give birth to him)

-The day that he was in labor and all, imagine the water just breaking and stuff and Nimona being like 'okay everyone DON'T PANIC' while panicking and also Ballister's panicking too (Ambrosius' at work and when he's told he also panics and arrives at the hospital in record time still wearing his armor. The power of first-time father panic)

(But someone gotta be not panicking in the situation, so Ambrosius calms the fuck down and becomes the calming presence that Ballister can rely on c: also Nimona calms down too and goes back to being herself and is very good at distracting Ballister while he goes through contractions and the hours before pushing.)

>Also y'know how in TV sometimes someone else imitates the pregnant person's breathing exercises by going huff huff huff quickly ajsdkjd

>Also Ballister going Nimona what about the bags and also don't carry me there?! and her going shit right and ignoring the second half, then returning for the bags and grabbing them, all while holding Ballister like a doll (a doll with a little doll inside SJDS pregnant barbie)

En español pensaba que fuera = AYÚDENLO, SE LE SALE LA WAWA - NIMONA DEJA DE HACER SHOW

-Wrote a lil something about Baby's birth and Ballister going through kinda a rollercoaster of emotions because at the very beginning of the pushing stage he almost had a panic attack, but then everyone in the room helped him calm down, and when he thought everything was going great, the doctor offered Ambrosius to receive their baby, and of course his husband was very excited about it and said yes, getting dressed up in the medical gown, the facemask, the gloves and all that.

(Initially everything after that was supposed to go swiftly, but I thought, no, what if Ambrosius faints like some dads do? and after watching a TikTok of a woman whose partner did faint and they had to pause her birth to hold him up because he was like over 6 feet tall, I was like hell yeah that's it)

>When Ambrosius finally got between Ballister's legs to look, his blood pressure went the fuck down. And since he's pretty tall and the nurse that tried to catch him was pretty short, the other one had to join in and then the doctor too to avoid him slamming on the ground. The thing was that Ambrosius was clearly fighting very hard against unconsciousness, giving the three people holding him false hope about him finally holding his own weight, making them almost drop him multiple times.

>Sensibly, the situation was kinda scary, because the three people assisting his baby's birth were busy trying to hold his husband from fainting. Said husband was clearly fighting with everything he got to keep himself conscious, and Ballister could very much feel his baby crowning.

>But seeing three short people trying to hold Ambrosius up and yelping when they almost dropped him several times, and remembering that Ambrosius had been so excited about it but hadn't been able to even stand the view, and feeling pretty nervous because his main emotional support couldn't even keep himself awake-, made him crack up.

>So, he's laughing out loud and going every once in a while, owfuck- because it still hurts like a bitch, while the other three keep going, YOU'LL DROP HIM. BE CAREFUL, SIR?? SIR, CAN YOU HEAR ME? and Ambrosius' like, yea- (faints again)

>(they're well aware that they gotta deliver the baby, so they're doing their best to hurry Ambrosius to get out of the way)

>The whole thing had made Ballister's body feel weak from the laughter, and he had to try and calm down to have strength again and push the baby out.

>As you'd guess, Ambrosius didn't receive their baby, and had to sit down and eat something sweet to not faint again, but he managed to stay on his feet well enough to cut the umbilical cord yippie.

>So anyways, Baby out, wrapped and all that, Ballister kept laughing more quietly about it and saying that they should mark the date in the calendar to celebrate Ambrosius fainting over almost delivering their baby. And Ambrosius' like hmm, I don't know Balli, maybe we could use this date for our son's birthday, don't you think? and Ballister's like OH RIGHT and now started laughing at himself.

I keep thinking of new stuff that contradicts what I already have posted, sowwy

>Imagine Ambrosius practically begging Ballister to not tell Nimona, while the other says she'd love to know but also is aware that she'd never let Ambrosius live it down, so he agrees on not telling her. Both eventually tell both Nimona and Baby when the latter is older and inquired about his birth, and indeed, Nimona loved the anecdote, and never let Ambrosius live it down, since then.

-Ideas about Nimona infiltrating the room in the form of a nurse after Baby is born and blowing up her cover when she commented on the baby's nose being just like Gol- Mr. Goldenheart's. And also, his hair being black like Bo- Mr. Goldenheart's.

>At the beginning when they had been admiring their baby, Ambrosius had said, he got your hair D': pipipi (he cried the second Baby got placed in his arms, got a drawing of that but I don't like how it came out wah, Ambrosius' wearing a facemask and being all tear-eyed pipipi) and Ballister had said, he got your nose :D but Ambrosius had said no? that's just a baby's nose, how can you even tell. But after Nimona commented on it, Ballister's saying told you so, it's your nose, while Ambrosius' like, Mr. Goldenheart could be either of us (both smiling amusedly because Nimona's too silly and they clearly know it's her, but she's all idk who's Nimona?)

-Also, I don't know how to make that work with the idea that when she got kicked out to the hall for the pushing bit, she went to steal some flowers and balloons with 'it's a boy!' on them for Ballister. But anyways, I'll write that bit too.

-Also this is Goldenheart with their baby, and I drew it a while back but realized that I don't like it anymore, so I'll do a redrawing someday sdjksd

>Imagine that Ambrosius was in the hospital bed with Baby while Ballister was getting ready so they could leave to their home, and Nimona said pictures timeee and then took that pic, with Ballister pointing at Baby and being all :D Also, Ambrosius looked pretty good and all, and Ballister was all unshaven face, kinda messy hair, the hospital band with his name still wrapped on his wrist as he pointed at Baby, and yet there were some people online that were like ??! Ambrosius Goldenloin Goldenheart was pregnant??

>And the people that knew even if a little bit about the Goldenheart's life, and also because they still went out and whatever, were like ? no? didn't you see Ballister like, a week ago? (Where he was very obviously pregnant and Ambrosius clearly wasn't sdjkdj)

>Every once in a while, Nimona would remember about this and repost it again, even after Baby is much older.

And that's it! If you read till here, bless you ajsdkadj

I've got more stuff about mpreg, both written and drawn, so I hope to make another post like this sometime, they're very fun to make :D

[allllium]

Just an Accident

~ Jason todd x reader who was accidentally hurt

~ Fluff, Jason being dramatic, WC:

~ Inspired by @mostly-imagines

[Thank you guys for being so patient while I finished this and thank you for all likes 💓💓 I really wasn't expecting anything till this was finished. Hope this meets your expectations <3]

Jason tried really hard to keep his secret secret from you but let's be honest, he's very obvious about it. Especially once you meet his family.

After he finally came clean to you about everything, he became even more protective. More protective than you ever thought possible.

He would freak out anytime he didn't know where you were or if you got hurt in any way.

"I'm so so sorry." Bruce says, following you through the mansion repeating his apology.

"It's okay, Bruce, it was an accident." You reply, "I should've known."

Honestly there was no way you could've known that Bruce was creating some elaborate booby trap on the kitchen counter that would fail and smack you in the face when you walked into the kitchen.

It didn't hurt too bad, luckily Bruce was testing things with plastic and not the real materials.

From the look of it though, you'll definitely have a mark on your nose and possibly a bruise under your eye.

"I had no idea it was gonna do that." He continues defending, knowing how Jason will react.

"It's fine, I swear. I know you wouldn't do that on purpose." You walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. Bruce sits next to you.

"Can I get you anything?" He asks. Obviously freaking out.

"No, it's alright. It really doesn't hurt."

"Oh shit." You hear Dick gasp. Coming in through the front door with Tim.

"Oh, what did you do!?" Tim asks, "Jason is gonna kill you."

"It was an accident, everything is fine." You try to calm everyone down.

Seeing that you're okay, Dick can't hold back his laugh.

"Wow, Jason is never gonna trust you again Bruce." Tim hits Dick on the arm and rolls his eyes. To the side of you, Bruce leans forward to hold his head in his hands.

"I think you guys are being a little dramatic. Jason isn't gonna kill him."

"No you seriously underestimate how Jason will react to this." Tim tells you.

"Yeah, remember he almost killed me for making jokes about you when you first got together."

"What?" You turn to Dick in confusion, "I don't remember that."

"Not important," he waves it off, "The point is, we need a plan."

"A plan for what?"

"A plan to hide this from Jason" He tells you, in a tone that screams obvious.

"How would I do that, Dick? I live with him."

"I don't know yet, that's why we need a plan!" He exclaims, pacing in front of the couch.

You roll your eyes, "You're being dramatic."

"No he's not." Bruce says. You fall back into the couch and cross your arms over chest.

"Bruce please. I need at least one of other person here to be an adult."

You can hear Tim laughing as he sits in the chair next to the couch.

"Well, he's right. Jason's gonna be pissed." Bruce shakes his head at you. He stands from the couch and starts pacing with Dick.

"They're gonna make me lose my mind." You mumble under your breath. You run your hands over your face, this childish behavior you're watching isn't what you were expecting from Batman and Nightwing.

Okay to be honest you were definitely expecting this from Dick.

Tim leans over to whisper to you, "You should make a break for it, they're too busy plotting to notice you leave."

"Let me guess," you whisper back, "you've had to make a break for it a couple times?"

"More than you know." He shakes him head and has a serious look on his face.

"Well, have fun with that." You laugh and walk out the front door. Tim was right, both the guys were so busy trying to figure out how to hide you from Jason, they totally forgot to hide you.

You rush home to meet Jason. You were supposed to meet for dinner but obviously you got a little distracted.

"Hey baby." You sigh when you walk through the door. Jason is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Whatever he chose to make, made the whole room smell amazing.

"Hey. What took you so long?"

"I stopped by the mansion to borrow that thing from Alfred but he wasn't there." You tell him, referencing some cooking tool you wanted to make desert for after dinner.

"Where did he go?" You want into the kitchen to see him while you talk.

"I have no idea. I got distracted by something Bruce was doing." You walk over and take a piece of food that he's cutting.

Without looking, he softly smacks your hand away.

"Rude." You laugh.

"This is my sacred space." He puts the knife down and gestures over the whole counter.

"You're ridiculous." You laugh again and kiss him on the cheek.

"How dare you." He puts his hand on his chest in fake offense. Only then does he turn to actually look at you. "What happened?" He immediately asks.

"Oh it's fine, just got smacked with some plastic " Which is apparently not the answer he wanted.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He grabs your face gently and examines the marks on your face.

"It means I got hit with some plastic. But it doesn't hurt." You quickly explain, but he doesn't let go of your face or stop freaking out.

"What plastic?"

"Bruce was experimenting with something and it didn't work."

"He did this?" He lets go off your face to run his hands over his own.

"It was accident. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose and you know that."

"I don't care if it was an accident, you're hurt."

"Jason." You say firmly. He's obviously surprised considering you never use his name to address him. "An accident is an accident and you're not gonna hold this against Bruce. He already apologized and clearly felt bad."

"But you're hurt" He pouts.

You step forward and wrap your arms over his shoulders. "It doesn't hurt. It was just some plastic."

"It left a mark."

"I promise I'm okay. And I want you to promise you won't hurt Bruce for this." You look right into his eyes and do your best to give him a puppy dog look. Which isn't necessary because he can't say no to you anyway.

"Fine I promise I won't hurt him." He presses his forehead to yours, "I'd rather leave him to stew in fear anyway."

You chuckle at his words. "As long as no real harm comes to him I won't stop you from having fun."

"Good." He kisses you once and heads back to make dinner. You have no doubt Jason would ever actually hurt Bruce over something so small but you'd rather be safe than sorry.

Hopefully this'll stop Dick and Bruce acting like absolutely children in the future.

Yeah that'll never happen.

Not even 10 minutes after finishing dinner you get a call from Dick.

"How dare you?" He asks the moment you answer the phone. "You're a traitor."

"Again with the dramatics Dick. You can't stop me from going home."

"Let me guess Jason's on his way here to get some revenge right now." He says in a very childish and fearful tone.

"No! I was right, you guys are way more dramatic than you should be and he has no intention of killing anyone." Jason looks at you as you talk to his brother. Clearly wondering what he has to do with this situation.

"I don't believe you. You've shown where your loyalty lies."

"Why are you talking like I'm an enemy or something?"

"Maybe you are! How should I know?"

"Okay you're right." You decide to play along, "I couldn't stop him from wanting to kill Bruce, he's on his way there right now."

Jason furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"I knew it! Mark my words one day-"

His voice cuts off when you hang up.

"There is something severely wrong with your entire family." You tell Jason with a blank face.

"Yeah I know." He puts his arm over your shoulder and pulls you into him.

Hmm you wonder how long it takes till Dick realizes you lied.

[velnoni]

Jesus, I LOVE how you interpret ford. Can NOT emphasize how much I enjoyed reading ur hcs for demi!ford! (and then I also have a much more personal appreciation as someone who’s prob demi. so, I’m excitedly shaking your shoulders a little.)

So how would things progress romantically for demi!Ford and reader, building off ur last set of hcs??

It's so nice to hear this, honestly 💓 and ofc, I'm glad you can enjoy these hcs on a deeper level! This ask is also gonna be a long one so buckle up.

Ford x Reader Romance Headcanons

Link to previous headcanon mentioned in ask

As mentioned in the last post, the two of you would consider a romantic relationship after Ford finished traveling with his brother. Something like traveling the world for anomalies would definitely take a minimum of a year to be frank. And you genuinely missed the guy. You missed the way he fixed his glasses (why doesn't he get a new pair?), the sassiness that came with him debuking theories, and his deep voice. Work wasn't the same without him.

Seeing postcards of him and Stanley always made you happy. And sometimes you would trace his clean penmanship in the letters he would mail to you. There would be days when you would receive multiple pages consisting of findings, personal life, and so forth. And you'd do your best by updating him about the Mystery Shack, your job & your own life in return. Because it was mail, there would be delays in the messages, but nothing neither of you could handle.

As time passed, the letters continued to pile in your drawer. You couldn't help but wonder if Ford and his brother would make it home safe. How does puncing an octopus in the eye even save the day? Those twins were such rascals, you swear.

Sometimes, you will dry out flowers and spray them with a light fragrance before mailing the letters away. Flower language is a wonderful thing, and on a particular night, you placed a chrysanthemum in the mail for the twins' safety. You were sure Ford would understand immediately.

The next letter you got back had a hydrangea. At some point as the days grew longer, you'd recognize your feelings towards Ford, especially after Mabel learned one summer you were the pen pal Ford spoke so fondly of.

When the brother touched back to land, you didn't find out until a couple of days after, both twins greeting you after work. You were incredibly excited over their return, noticing the differences in their behavior and how happy they both looked. The sea did them well, especially Ford. If your eyes lingered on him for a second longer, he didn't notice, but Stan will.

When Stan retires to bed, he shoots you two a wink, you being perplexed and Ford grumbling from his chest at his brother's implications. With the two of you alone, it reminded you both of when y'all started hanging outside of work. The night consisted of jokes, bantering, stories, and one too many cans of soda.

"May I be frank with you for a moment?" he asked. You turned your head in his direction and nodded, "What is it?" Ford would look away for a moment and then clasp his hands together, playing with his fingers, a tick of his when nervous. "S-Stan had told me recently you seemed interested in me. Ahem, well, allow me to elaborate. Romantically. Typically, I don't listen to Stan's gibberish, but he pointed out some discrepancies in your behavior." You made a small show of it by looking at Ford brown eyes and the way his peppered eyebrow creased in presumed concern. Leave to Stan to catch you red-handed. You reach out for an open bottle of soda and sip on the lukewarm contents. Ford was kind enough to be frank with you, and you appreciated that, a pro from a man of science.

"Yeah well...he's not exactly wrong." You swish the soda around in the can, wishing the sloshing sound could be more distracting than Ford's lips parting in surprise. "I genuinely do like you. You're a good man and company, Stanford. Got a few skeletons in the closet, but who doesn't? You're kind, enthusiastic about your work, and you're doing your hardest to move on. It's so easy to speak to you, and I really enjoyed your letters. It made life more bearable, y'know? And yes, I also see you as cute, but that's beside the point."

You glance at Ford, noticing how the tips of his ear were beet red and gave a tiny smile of reassurance. "Look, I wasn't planning on telling you at all. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, I can—" your cut off mid sentence when the older twin raised his hand to stop you.

"I'm sorry, I—" he coughs a bit and stares at you, clearly ready to speak. You prepare yourself to be let down gently. "I...I also feel this way towards you as well." You could hear the anxiousness in his voice and see how his lips turned down.

He would continue to confess about how you were someone he didn't want to let go of. But that even though he was confident enough that he had romantic interest, he was unsure how to go about it or if he wanted to tap into the potential of such a thing. It's been so long...

You reassure him he doesn't have to do anything and that you're happy he would be so open about it towards you. You can't help but chuckle at the irony of it all— the both of you felt like teenagers. He questions you about relationships, your experience, expectations, and so forth, and you answer to the best of your ability.

In the end, you two decided to give it a go. For Ford, he would like to go slow with the dating process, preferring outings that didn't require much physical contact. This could consist of book dates, picnics, movie marathons, dinner, etc.

For the most part, this worked great, Ford is very calculating even while dating, but you hope he'll be more comfortable eventually. It would be months until Ford kisses your cheek, and if it weren't for the scratchiness of his stubble, you wouldn't have noticed. It happened after watching a movie, and you returned the kiss. Ford will shyly cup his large hand into yours.

Ford at first will overthink everything in the beginning of the relationship, wondering if he's competent enough for you or if he's asking for too much. You reassure him that's not the case but sometimes he'll worry.

He's a superstitious man at heart and would prefer for your relationship to be quiet but not out of embarrassment. Half a year will pass before he would be okay enough to cuddle with you in a bed (clothes on). The most you two would do is give small kisses and tight hugs that led into the best naps.

He's an old man, he's bringing flowers when he picks you up for date night because it's classy and he enjoys the smile on your face when you smell them. Sometimes, he will offer you a ride home as well.

Please don't play Mario Kart with him...

He likes when you give him back massages (sweater on) and will gladly return the gesture.

Arguing with him is a nightmare, though. Man is stubborn as an ox and will not listen until you both properly calmed. And even then, he has his pride to uphold—something that has to run in the Pines family. Try to bribe him with hot chocolate if there needs to be a sit down.

Are sexual encounters on the table? Yes but he'd appreciate a discussion about it and if he even feels comfy enough to do so at the moment. He's trying his best to be more open minded and honest, you're his safe place. He's the type of guy to schedule sexual intimacy and no I'm not joking, he's a stickler for time. You don't know whether to be flabbergasted or amused. Probably both.

All in all, expect a simple and healthy relationship with Ford. He's learning just like you are.

Thank you for the ask! Please like and reblog, I'd greatly appreciate it.

[olderthannetfic]

How do we feel about the "Um just so you know the person you reblogged this from is an [insert undesirables category here]"? When it's some random meme or otherwise uncontroversial post, and not some elaborate political opinion post with a bunch of dogwhistles in it.

Because I just got it from a fandom acquaintance/friend and it felt really fucking unsettling.

Aside from the mutuals that I know from fandom and interact with, most of the other content I interact with on Tumblr is more about what it says than about who said it for me. I don't ever pay attention to who wrote what or which other Tumblr users they had beef with or whatever, I just read the post itself and decide if I like what it says or not. If someone posts something I REALLY dislike, I block them and move on, more in the hopes of seeing less of that sort of thing than with the intention of somehow eliminating that specific person. I never pay attention to who my mutuals are reblogging from and if I note that one of them reblogged something featuring a poster who's famously unhinged, I just assume they don't know and move on because I know my mutuals are reasonable people generally speaking. I like the anonymity of Tumblr and the focus on the content of the posts and not on specific people. It's why I hang out here and not on one of the platforms that are all about influencers and the like.

So today I was going through the blogs of a couple of people I don't follow to find a specific post and in the process I saw a fairly uncontroversial post I liked, reblogged it, and moved on. Then less than an hour later I was met with a wall of text in my DMs accusing that poster of having questionable political opinions and describing the beef they had with another person where they threatened them etc. etc.

TBH I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the level of scrutiny implied in paying attention to who I reblog random shit from, as well as the level of presumption in coming to my DMs and lecture me about it. I know nothing about the blogger they were talking about, have never interacted with him, and will probably never even have the opportunity or the desire to interact with him. He wasn't even the AUTHOR of the post, it was just on his profile. It makes me want to never post anything ever again.

I just... don't see the point of this sort of behaviour in general? "You shouldn't be giving [bad people] a platform" - look, I genuinely don't think that reblogging a pretty landscape from someone who turns out to be a TERF or whatever is platforming those beliefs in any way. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how my behaviour leads to any material harm to anyone. Even if I follow the person, the moment they start talking about TERF-y shit I'm gonna unfollow and/or block. The probability of me throwing all my well-developed political opinions down the drain and getting radicalized through the slippery slope of reblogging "CATS ARE SO CUTE WHEN THEY SWAT AT THINGS" from someone with a dogshit take about Palestine is literally zero. If it's the content of the post that's wrong, just explain why to me, or point out the dogwhistles or whatever. I'm open to being wrong in my opinions. I'm not open to my online friends acting like the fucking Stasi.

Maybe I'm just too old for these newfangled social politics but it just feels like either pointless catty high school drama or an attempt at social control that I can't help but interpret in a hostile manner. Even if it's followed by - as it was in my case - something along the lines of "obviously I'm not accusing YOU of anything!! I'm sorry it came off that way!!" when I pushed back against it. It feels like 1950s conservative housewives making sure you're not even greeting any of the town Undesirables at the grocery store, because you wouldn't want to be Morally Tainted by saying Hello to a divorcee!

It's kind of similar to the whole issue about people still writing HP fic. Am I interested in HP fic? TBH not at all - the author had soured it for me with her behaviour even before it was obvious how much she hated trans people. Do I think the people doing it are somehow harming anyone or putting money in JKR's pocket? I honestly can't see how, and so far none of the people adamantly against it have managed to explain it to me in a satisfying way, so I'm just gonna let it slide off me as another random internet hobby I don't get or care about.

--

My reaction is "Do you understand how Tumblr works? Do you?"

We have enough trouble with people reblogging barely-hidden anti-kink or homophobic shit. Who has time for cootie-based problems?

[leviraaaaaa]

Imagine the first time Levi tells the kids that he's proud of them.

It'd be months after the war ended. Despite him retiring, the 104th kids still loved him and respected him, so he never had to be alone. There would always be someone popping by his house. Armin coming by for advice. Connie dropping by with his favourite tea. Jean visiting to rant to him about all the extra work he has to do now that he was a higher rank and a peace ambassador. Mikasa doesn't show up though, she never does.

Mikasa is the only one Levi attempts to keep in contact with. He sends her letters once a month, asking how she is. She doesn't respond, but that doesn't make him stop, just as the brats don't either.

One night, they invite him to a drink. And Levi, reluctantly, shows up.

Levi, as he is, acts indifferent to the kids and their unconditional affection for him, often acting annoyed when they show up. Even though he appreciates it greatly. And the kids know that too, so their previous Captain's unenthusiastic greetings never bothers them.

As the lot of them bicker and banter and argue, Levi watches quietly, sipping on his drink. He had been silent, as he usually is, not speaking a single word throughout the night except to order his drink and answer Armin's small talk. Connie and Jean are unbelievably noisy, both arguing over something intensely as Armin kept trying to calm them down. Usually, they'd try to be quieter in Levi's presence. They wouldn't admit it, but they were still lowkey afraid of the cold man. But tonight, they had enough to drink, and they were rowdy as fuck.

It was loud, louder than Levi would ever tolerate usually either, but he had enough to drink as well and so surprisingly it doesn't bother him as much as it would have. Instead of telling them to shut up, he listens to them absentmindedly.

"Oy, you dumbass!" He barks, "No one's going to agree with your stupid plan. You're gonna set a freaking world war again!" Connie, pissed by his interruption, jumps back to yelling at Jean again.

"So ask Captain!" Connie says loudly, "he'd agree with me! Right, captain Levi?" He turns to look at him hopefully. Levi was not listening at all. He doesn't even know what he's asking about. He stares at Connie blankly as Jean retaliates.

"..you guys.." Armin tries weekly, though his voice is meek and barely audible under the loud voices. He glanced at Levi warily, as if scared the captain was going to lose his temper.

But Levi wasn't angry. He was only mildly surprised.

"Hey, you lot..." He spoke quietly.

On cue, the bickering stopped, both Jean and Connie shutting their mouth and snapping their heads toward him, suddenly scared that they had crossed the line. But Levi only looked at them.

"Why do you still call me captain anyways," He asks, a frown on his face as he watches them with a quiet curiosity, "I haven't been that for a long time."

At this, the others fell silent. This was the last question they had expected him to ask. They glanced at each other uncomfortably, trying to figure out what to say. But what were they even supposed to answer to a question like that?

Connie and Armin muttered out soft noises of agreement. Levi stared at them for a second, his mouth slightly parted. He blinked, comsidering their words, thinking.

Jean was the first one to recover. "Sorry, cap," He grins, casually leaning back on his chair with his arms folded behind his head. "Once a captain, always a captain."

Once a captain, always a captain, huh?

Even with a fucked leg and one less eye?

He sighs. Then suddenly, look at Connie and ask, "What were you asking about?"

Connie, unable to believe his luck, stuttered for a few seconds. Then he rushed to elaborate his previous question, excitedly elaborating the point he'd referred to which was about a negotiation deal he'd suggested for the peace alliance between Marley and Paradis. And to no surprise, as Jean had said, it was horrible.

"Absolutely not," He started shaking his head before Connie could even finish, scowling disapprovingly. "Jean's right. Are you trying to start a global war again?"

Jean was absolutely gleeful. Not only had the captain directly acknowledged him, but also agreed with him. He shot a shit-eating grin at Connie who pouted. Meanwhile, Armin took the chance. It was so rare for Levi to ever join in conversations, he wanted to make the most of it. He leaned forward, his blue eyes gleaming. "What do you think about it anyways, captain Levi?" He asks eagerly. "About the peace alliance?"

Levi stared at him for a few seconds, watching the blonde boy's face light up with excitement as he waited for his response.

Suddenly, that's when it hit him. How important he was to these boys.

He thought he had lost everything when Hange and Erwin died, when the war was over, when he could no longer even stand up without a wheelchair and had to retire. He had spent days, wondering what was it, that he was still living for, what was the point of all of it? Nobody needed him anymore. Who was he if not humanity's strongest?

But he was here now, with a bunch of annoying brats who don't care that he's old and crippled, who respected him just as they had at the very beginning. They have come so far now, he thinks, further than he ever did. Then he ever could. They have changed the world. Armin was the literal commander, while he was nothing. But he still wanted acknowledgment from a man who cannot even walk on his own.

He smiled. Just barely. When had they grown so much?

It was a strange feeling, a feeling he had felt many times, though never as strongly as he did then. He felt pride. He was proud of them. Of each of them. Proud that they were his boys. Annoying fucking brats, but his boys nevertheless.

He leaned forward, reaching out to put a hand over Armin's head. Without a word, he ruffled his soft blonde hair fondly and Armin stilled, impossibly rigid, and so does the others. His soft, surprised blue eyes meet Levi's softer gray ones.

"You've done well," He tells him, his voice so gentle, uncharacteristically so. He looked at the others, "You two as well," He tells Connie and Jean, who gapes, staring at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"I'm proud of you. All of you." He says quietly. "Thank you,"

Then, he stood up, grabbed his crutch and limped off. The boys watched him confusedly, but no one stops him. They're too baffled to even speak, let alone move. Levi exits the room, and just as he does, he heard them break into murmers.

"What the fuck?" Jean was saying, struggling to get out the words, "What the fuck?"

Meanwhile, Armin sat quietly. He hadn't moved an inch. He sat in his seat completely still, still struggling to process what just happened. Jean and Connie nudged him warily, to which eh stirred slightly.

"Is his drink spiked?" Connie asks, grabbing the glass Levi had been drinking from, peering closely at the content.

"...huh?" He mumbles, his gaze unfocused.

"Nah man for real, life is so fucking unfair," Connie joins in, draping a hand over his eyes.

"You lucky bastard," Jean groans, "Why did it have to be you?"

Levi watches. He doesn't leave. He can't bring himself to leave. He leans on the doorstep, just out of view, but he's there. He listens as Connie says something and Jean bursts into laughter, Armin still stuttering over his words. He could see them from here, just a glimpse, but it's enough to make him stay.

There was a tight knot in his chest. As he was looking at them, he could almost see the others. Eren with his stupid temper and Mikasa trying to calm him down. He could almost picture Sasha gobbling down something greedily, completely unaware of the conversations going on the table. Historia would be there as well, sitting in a corner by herself, watching them with wide, curious eyes.

But there were others too. He saw Hange in there as well. They're totally drunk and giggling uncontrollably as Moblit tries to take the bottle away from them. Erwin watches them with amusement while Mike looks unamused, Nanaba was laughing her head off. They're younger here, unscathed. Hange has their eyes and Erwin has his arm. They looked happy, less tired, like they had no worries at all anymore. A scene from a life he had lost so long ago.

He sucked in a deep breath. It was loud enough for Armin to hear him. He turns around, his eyes finding Levi's.

Erwin and his blue eyes.

But when their eyes locked, he couldn't see Armin anymore. There was Erwin instead.

[suckmyfatdee]

Clear Bias towards Team Black(A lot of possible spoilers)

If you are against what I wrote and don't like it, then scroll or block me, idc, don't waste your time commenting and ridiculing me because trust me, for these opinions I've heard the same thing over and over again and you're not gonna change my mind by writing an angry comment. The comment will just be deleted and you blocked because not everyone wants to argue with someone in their comments. And for those who saw something similar on reddit, that's because I posted the same thing on reddit.

I've seen people online talk about how the screenwriters are not actually biased towards Team Black because they've made Team Green less vicious than in the books and made them sympathetic...and they're wrong in my humble opinion. This rant is gonna be long probably and my english is not the best so...

Starting off with Ryan Condal constantly talking about how the books are propaganda against Rhaenyra...why specifically Rhaenyra? He says it's because Rhaenyra is a woman. How that isn't enough to make it clear that he favours Team Black(the oh so feminist team) is beyond me. The books have always been about having morally grey characters which makes sense given that the story is set in medieval times and it's literally a world where dragons exist. So naturally they don't have the same morals as we have in real life at this point in time, so to us they will always be morally grey, as intended.

Also let's talk about the fact that even if they made Team Green more sympathetic they've also destroyed them in the process.

INTRODUCTION OF TEAM GREEN:

● For older Rhaenyra and Alicent where they've already been divided into Team Green and Team Black, Rhaenyra is introduced giving birth, obviously very much in pain and exhausted. And before they introduce adult Alicent, they talk about her asking for Rhaenyra's babe and then they show Rhaenyra walking around the Red Keep, with blood trailing after her and in obvious pain having just given birth...that's how they introduced Alicent. Literally her asking a woman, who has just given birth, to bring her babe(even tho she didn't ask for Rhaenyra but whatever).

● "Older" Criston Cole is introduced in the background barely, if at all, reacting when Rhaenyra walks around the Red Keep with blood trailing after her...

● Then young Aegon(in his teen years) is introduced bullying his younger brother, which by the way never happened in the books, if anything it was the Strong boys and Viserys. And then right after that, sexually humiliated and shown jerking out the window.

● And as for older Aegon they first show his victim Dyana, who we know what he did to(even tho this also never happened in the books), violently crying and extremely traumatized. And right after that, Aegon waking up(also once again sexually humiliated) and not caring for what he did referring to it as just some "harmless" fun. That's something the audience can't get over, that's how he was introduced, and a rapist is hard to be fond of(naturally) especially with how little, if at all, he cared. But it wasn't even about the victim in this scene, we don't get any elaboration on how Dyana dealt with it or even how the other maids reacted only Alicent's dossapointment in Aegon and her disowning him. ONLY THEN they choose to make him sympathetic, letting him cry and talk about how he will never be good anough for his parents and Alicent rolling her eyes RIGHT after he is introduced as a rapist. Making a character of one faction a rapist is the easiest way to make the other faction look better and be more likeable, no matter how sympathetic they make said character(Aegon) thereafter.

● Older Helaena is introduced walking in on her brother husband crying and her asking about the very woman her brother-husband just raped. That's all we know of her in the first scene.

● Older Aemond is introduced fairly badass, I didn't have a problem with that.

MAKING TEAM GREEN INSULT RHAENYRA JUST TO DISTRACT FROM CERTAIN THINGS....:

● While Alicent and Criston are talking about Rhaenyra committing High Treason and her father not giving a flying shit, they make Criston call her a spoiled cunt.

● They made Vaemond call Rhaenyra a whore just before they made Daemon kill him so it was kind of a "Ha! He had it coming moment", which I don't remember Vaemon doing in the books but sure go on(Also, in the books it was Rhaenyra that ordered Daemon to kill Vaemond before she had Syrax eat him and then yk what else...)

● Season two it kicked off amazingly and Aegon was definitely the most entertaining character for many. I don't think I need to elaborate on what I think about the B & C scene, given Geroge has taken the words right out of my mouth. But let's talk about the small council meeting right after Aegon found out what happened to Jaehaerys. Not even in Aegon's grief do they exclude Rhaenyra, and I'm not talking about the fact that they blamed Rhaenyra but rather that they made Aegon insult Rhaenyra. And while I loved the scene and understood why a grieving father would insult his rival who is most likely responsible for the death of his son, of course a lot of people focused on him insulting Rhaenyra instead of him having just lost his son to murder.

● Criston's character they've also reduced to nothing but a heartbroken pathetic man who is bitter of a rejection even tho he played such a big part in the books(IMO). But almost every scene of Crirston they make him insult Rhaenyra as if he can't think of anyone but her.

SEXUAL HUMILIATION OF TEAM GREEN:

At this point it's pretty clear they'll sexually humiliate Team Green at any given moment.

● Ser Criston Cole is shown breaking his oath and being coerced(yes coerced, because if we watched the scene it is pretty clear as a day that that is what happened)into sex by Rhaenyra, that was something left unclear in the books but anyways. For Rhaenyra it was seen as her bravely being a girlboss and exploring her sexuality whereas Ser Criston is humiliated by the audience for it.

● As I said Aegon(in his teen years) is sexually humiliated and shown jerking out the window, with his rear on display and his own mother catching him in the act.

● Then after introducing Aegon as a violent rapist, they make Alicent pull the blanket of Aegon once again sexually humiliating him by showing his rear on full display to his mother once again...

● Then they have Helaena making a joke at dinner and we know how people perceived this as...I have no idea if the screenwriters intend to make it seem as Aegon is sexually abusing Helaena but it was seen as such by many.

● Did I forget to mention when they made Aemond and Criston look for Aegon and then they made up a scenario where Aegon forced 13 year old Aemond to have sex with the brothel Madame Silvy, which DID not happen in the books.(and yes I edited this in because I forgot to mention this). So not only is Aegon a rapist but also is the one that orchestrated the rape of his own brother.

● Then they make Larys Strong have a fetish to the very thing related to his cripple...feet. And they make him sexually abuse and coerce Alicent, the Queen, into showing her feet and show him starting to jerk off. Wow!

● In season 2 to make Alicent seem hypocritical they make her and Criston have a sexual relationship(npt even once specualted in the books) and to add insult to injury they make Helaena who freshly watched her son get murdered walk in on them having sex just to make it seem all the more horrible even tho in thw books Alicent was bound and gagged and also watched Jaehaerys get murdered.

● Then they sexually humiliate Aemond by making him lay in the lap of his RAPIST and seek comfort in her.

● A few episodes later they make Aegon, the very reason for Aemond's rape, sexually humilate his brother publicly. Great.

● Oh and of course Aegon for some reason having his cock burned when in the books he was excited to have an heir with that Cassandra Baratheon.

TEAM GREEN DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THEIR OWN CLAIM:

● In the show, they make Aegon's claim weak, if they even make it a claim. Even tho both Rhaenyra and Aegon have a claim. Rhaenyra by Viserys' word and Aegon by birth right and by Andal law.

● Young Alicent however calls Rhaenyra's claim a birthright, which it is not(and yes Book Aegon called it Rhaenyra's birthright once, I know) so she didn't believe in Aegon's claim at all since the start.

● And just to add that they made Rhaenyra see that animal to make it seem as the gods "chose" her.

● The reason Alicent usurped the throne in the show is not because she believes it's her son's birthright at all but rather because she understood Viserys to have said that Aegon was to sit the throne.

● In season two, Aemond, while talking to Ser Criston, also says they usurped Rhaenyra, so to Aemond it wasn't their birthright?

● Aegon and show!Aegon are similar in the books when it comes to the claim, so not much to elaborate on.

Lastly, TEAM GREEN HATES EACH OTHER:

Do I need to elaborate?

There is much more I could say but I don't want to make the post too long. Tried to keep it short and simple but failed(Oops.) Also I got a bit lazy towards the end as you can probably tell.

[amourtoken]

https://www.tumblr.com/amourtoken/765592243257180160/couldnt-get-this-thought-out-of-my-mind-last-night

GOOD GOD I NEED HIM.

GAHHHg i wish I wrote that a bit better and less rambley but yeah I don't think I'll ever stop thinking abt it actually

Especially if this "one time thing" becomes a frequent occurence.

God forbid you're left alone with Quinn cause then he's finding some surface to split you on his cock on, groaning something along the lines of "bet my brother can't fuck you this good, can he?"

You have to come up with more elaborate excuses especially since Luke's already caught on to your little affair but Jack is clueless. You feel bad but at the same time you're getting what you need without bugging your boyfriend and diverting his attention from practice or his hobbies so...this is a good thing, right?

you can't help but think it is when Quinn has a calloused hand pressed to your throat while he's fucking you raw. He really makes a point to get under your skin during all of this, during your first encounter it wasn't this bad but now he wants you to think about all the little flaws in your relationship while he's balls deep buried inside you. Jack's treating you wrong? Remember Quinn's always gonna let you vent to him and cry on him even if you're on his lap during all of it.

Quinn really started to get bold leaving hickeys and bite marks all over your body. You keep having to cover it all up as bruises "from work" although Jack's only noticed the most visible of the collection that litters your skin. It really does fill Quinn with this gross sense of pride but he can't help it, every time you end up in his bed you leave in a better mood so he's doing you a service and enjoying himself. He's really started getting mouthy too.

"Who's pussy is this? Say it- fuck- say my name. Wanna hear you beg for me, please-"

"Awe baby, your little boyfriend not treating you right, huh? You should just come to me full time."

"God you're tight- he's missing the fuck out."

Quinn loves his brother but he knows he's not the best partner and as an older brother it's his job to teach him how to be better right? It'd be a shame if all those privated videos Quinn has of you taking backshots or dripping his cum down your thighs ended up in Jack's possession.

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Thoughts on Jason Todd’s choice of weaponry?

:D an ask! Yay!

Oooh, lets see, I'll start with the crowbars because I appear to be like one of three people on the entire planet who actually likes them.

They're a tacky as fuck riff on the fact that Jason's death is central to his character. They overemphasize the manner in which he died, muddy the waters about what part of his death is important to him, and strangely cheapens the manner in which he died through the parody feel of it.

No one seems to really disagree with my analysis here, but I happen to enjoy that about them and think it's very on brand for Jason. What can I say? They're fun!

Best Quality - His Wiggles

This ultra-sharp curved blade used to be his signature character design feature, the way the white streak in his hair is now, and I'm really not sure why it didn't stick!

Best weapon he's ever had, bring it back please!!!!!

The All-Blades

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

I have mixed feelings about the All-Blades. Like much of Lobdell's work: phenomenal idea, poor execution. Giving the guy who is most known for being morally grey a set of powers that is exclusively based on moral absolutes sucks shit, I gotta be honest, and the trick he pulled on the blood blade was cool but ultimately does nothing to solve those problems.

HOWEVER

I want to love them so fucking badly. A set of glowy soul blades is a dope sicknasty off the chain concept and I wish the well wasn't poisoned with the moral implications and the restrictions to use them only on the "Untitled", a set of enemies that only exist for Jason so far as I can tell. If someone seriously took Jason down a magic based path that removed the DnD alignment chart bullshit, I would be so game to see them come back! Hell I wouldn't even insist on a better cooler design for them!

...though uh, yeah those are the least interesting magic sword designs I've ever seen tbh

Normal Ass Swords

They're alright I guess. Like, there's nothing in it really, but it's not bad?

Guns - Real Bullets

Excellent, evocative yet simple, straightforwards and to the point. It makes hella sense thematically to boot, love this for him, please give him back his pistols and miniguns and shit

Guns - Rubber Bullets

Hate. HATE. hate ick disgusting bad NO.

I just fucking hate rubber bullets, like, as a concept. I refuse to accept "non-lethal" bullets as a valid use of gun, either in real life or in fiction. Guns are for putting many holes in things very fast!!!! If you're gonna use a gun, fucking well own up to that!!! Do not play this silly ass game of pretending that you can change out the material and do the same things as with lead bullets but with the video game status effect of "non-lethal" applied. YOU ARE GIVING PEOPLE SMALL CIRCULAR BRUISES. This is still harmful, yes, ooph ouchie, but it is not even slightly a good use of a gun, you are wasting holster space, and carry weight, and the physical materials used to make it all!!

JUST USE A FUCKING STICK! YOU DON'T RUN OUT OF STICK AMMO!

My belief in his capacity to take out enemies is shattered the instant those fuckers are on panel. Maybe this ain't entirely rational, or realistic to how fights go with rubber bullets IRL, but I hate them so much on principle that I will ignore any counterargument you might have that they'd work. I will die on this hill. Rubber bullets BAD. Please stop making him use this!!

Bombs

Love it, give him more bombs forever

ka-BOOM!!!!

His Brain

This is actually his best weapon - sorry wiggly knife, you're being shunted down to number 2 on a last minute technicality! I think Jason is at his best when he's outsmarting people and making long term fucked up schemes to ruin people's lives.

He's so good at it! It's so fun to watch him do it!

Genuinely a shame that this facet of him was mostly lost after Flashpoint, though to give credit where it is due, in Rebirth Jason did ruin the Penguin's life in an impressively elaborate way, which I did really enjoy. I want to see him be a tactical deliberate menace to one person in specific again idk, that's part of why I do kinda agree that he works better as an antagonist than a protagonist - which it should be noted does not mean I think he works better as a villain necessarily, his ethics aren't what matter here - he's just had his best moments as the schemer, and it's hard to have a protagonist schemer even when you make them ethically the good guy.

I hope you enjoyed my nattering on about Jason's weapons :D thank ye again for ask!

[the-milk-monarch]

☣︎ Maybe I'll add a part two sometime with Vito, Cody and Scott but for now damn that was exhausting

[𝚂𝙿𝙸𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙾𝚃𝚃𝙻𝙴]

Summary: The losers play spin the bottle + aftermath ☢︎ | Total Drama | ~4,5k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Mike | Mal | Noah ⚠ | swears | making out | cliche much and using Heather as a plot device? | god I can't write, it's so cheesy

[𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘]

⚠ | setting: Total Drama Island AU

Most of the people who joined Total Drama have already been eliminated, and so were you. You didn't mind though, as you got to enjoy the positive side of losing - Playa Des Losers.

It was a lazy evening, most of the folks were busy doing their thing, but you were getting kinda bored.

You thought you were doomed with the boredom of yours, until you heard Chris McLean's voice through the speaker.

"Hey happy campers! Guess what. Do you want to win some money, even as a loser?" Were the words you caught.

Some contestants turned their heads towards the source of the sound.

"That's right!" He exclaimed. "You know how on TV there's always some fun hanging out time scenes between the contestants? Well you seem to lack at your job so I'm here to fix it!"

You slightly rolled your eyes at his words. You were a bit of a social anxiety filled loner, but he doesn't have to point that out.

"If you wanna earn a few additional bucks when going home, a measly $100, you're gonna have to play spin the bottle!"

You noticed some gasps, laughs and confused looks from the other people.

You thought the idea is a bit childish, but free 100 bucks is 100 bucks, so you didn't plan to turn down that idea. You were already a loser, so why not get the extra money?

All of the willingly participating contestants joined a shared space near the pool in a small gathering.

You sat down somewhere as well, awaiting further instructions.

Chris instructed for someone to take the bottle and spin it.

"Heather!" He shouted, making the girl turn her head towards the speaker. "You're gonna start! Spin the bottle and give a dare to a fellow loser."

She exhaled through her teeth, making a little "psh." noise.

"Alright."

Her hand twisted the bottle and sent it into a whirl.

"Hey, Chris!" Heather shouted before asking a question. "You want some bonding time, huh?"

Finally the bottle chose it's victim - to your surprise - it wasn't you.

"Yeah?" Chris's voice echoed around, a bit curious.

You were unsure what Heather had prepared, but you knew it wouldn't be anything easy.

"Well then, since Y/N arrived not too long ago, and I observed them hanging around a particular someone recently, why not pull them closer together?" She had a smug smirk on her face, which made you quite worried now.

"Kiss Y/N." Her finger pointed at you.

[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]

"Wh- Wha-" Mike lost balance and nearly fell from the chair he was sitting on as he processed the dare.

You also reacted with a subtle and baffled gasp bordering on"wha-".

"But- What? Why? I can't do that, what if Y/N doesn't want to?" He quickly bombarded her with questions, a bit embarrassed he had to discuss this in front of you.

"Then they'll have to take away your chance at the money." She assumed, innocently shrugging her shoulders.

Upon hearing the dare, Chris once again joined into the convo through the speakers.

"Oh, I forgot to mention, both participants get the 100 bucks to share if they fulfill their dare. Fifty-fifty each." He elaborated.

"And no forcing fellow contestants if they don't want to do the dare. That's not cool, dudes." He felt the need to add that last part, especially for TV.

Mike looked at you with anxious puppy eyes, uncomfortable with the idea that Heather came up with.

You froze a bit.

How could Heather figure out you had a sweet spot for Mike?

You thought you weren't that obvious, Mike never commented on it.

You blinked twice before returning the gaze at him.

"Eh- I don't know if- If you wanna do that, Y/N?" Mike started to sweat a little.

You felt the rising anxiety inside you, was Mike gonna comment anything on Heather's comment?

"I mean, I'd never want to make you uncomfy-" He trailed off a bit before you cut him off.

"Um, no- I mean- I-" You noticed you started to babble so you finally just said the most appropriate response you could think of at the moment with a nervous grin. "Sure, let's get the money."

You could see a bit of Mike dying inside after he heard your approval.

Mike got up from his seat, slowly coming towards you with his hands close to his chest, fidgeting slightly.

You awaited your "doom", feeling as if the time became slower.

All of the losers' eyes were on you both, expecting something to happen.

He met your gaze once he was close enough to you.

You stared at him, trying to keep a straight face and not disclose what was going through your head at the moment.

"Alright then- I'll, uh, start-" He said meekly, nearing closer to your face.

You started looking at his red cheeks until a kiss took you by a surprise.

You were fully expecting a kiss on the lips, but instead you felt it on your cheek.

Guess you shouldn't be greedy.

Mike immediately backed out after he was done, but not too fast so you'd think he finds you particularly repulsive.

You felt the corners of your lips turn into a bashful smile that you couldn't control.

You felt kind of stupid when your first kiss with him was because of Heather, though. You hoped it didn't scare Mike too much.

Mike had one as well, albeit much more worried than yours.

You noticed him hurry back to his place, with his face still subtly red.

[AFTERMATH]

After the whole thing was over and everyone went their separate ways, you tried to find Mike.

You didn't want to leave on an awkward note and you wanted to explain some things. You decided it was time to.

You spotted Mike helping himself near the snackbar, away from other people.

You didn't know whether he wanted to be left alone or not, but you approached anyway.

Mike immediately turned his head as he heard you clearing your throat.

"O-Oh, Y/N, hey!" He greeted you with a slightly nervous, yet still kind grin.

"Oh no, they're here-"

"Hey Mike." You politely reciprocated, trying not to panic inside.

"Okay, calm down. They only came to talk. Maybe- Maybe it's not about that kiss?"

"Um... What's up?" He also tried his best so the situation wouldn't be awkward.

"So... The bottle thing." You gently started, stopping for a moment to regain your thoughts on the topic which were being drowned in your worries.

"They are gonna talk about that kiss. No, no, no, no-"

His face changed for a second into a look of doubt and anxiety which was quickly covered with a smile.

"...Yeah? What about it?" He quietly gulped.

"Well- I- Hope this doesn't- You know." You felt as if your mouth forbid you from forming proper sentences.

"Y-Yeah, me too- It was-" He felt himself being tongue-tied as well.

"It was what, Mike? Nice? You can't say that!"

You and Mike shut up as soon as you realized you're both just as hopeless.

After a moment of silence, you finally heard a pathetic and tense chuckle coming his way.

You were about to panic even more, thinking he's laughing at you, but the thought that he was as nervous as you prevented you from doing that.

"Honesty is the best way to go, right? Just be normal for once."

"Sorry. Guess it got to me more than I thought." He finally admitted without beating around the bush. "I- I don't want you to think I'm a weirdo because of that, though."

"What? No-" You quickly denied that, making him visibly less worried.

"I-" Words yet again got stuck in your throat, which started to piss you off a little. Mike could do nothing but listen intently to what you were about to say.

"I-If you promise to also not think I'm a weird for what I'm about to say, then-" You tried to put on a confident facade as you started fidgeting with your hands a little.

"Of course not!" Mike quickly chimed in, now even more desperate to hear your response. "I promise."

You knew if you screw this up, it'd be game over. The words finally flew out of you.

"I- kinda hoped you'd aim for the lips."

You saw Mike freeze the moment he processed what was being said to him.

"Aim for the lips."

You broke him. The four words were floating in his head, covering every free space in it.

You remained tense and quiet, dreading each second he didn't reply.

Finally he got to his senses and slightly shaked his head.

"I- I'm sorry, it just took me by a surprise-" He couldn't cover the red that was on his face after that info. "Usually people try to get away from me, you know?"

It was your turn to let out the meek chuckle that was forming in the back of your throat.

"Yeah- Well- Not me." You admitted.

"U-unless you want me to-?" Anxiety got a hold of you once again.

"N-no!" He tensed up once more, slightly reaching out his hand towards you as if you were about to run away.

Until he realized his reaction was a bit too much.

"I mean-" He instead quickly scratched the back of his head with the hand that he extended prematurely. "Y-You can stay."

"I- I hope they're being honest."

He waited a second before speaking once more, leaving you with anticipation.

"...You can even- come closer, if you'd like."

You noticed the familiar, sweet toothy grin that was coated with an unhealthy dose of worry and hesitation.

You took a step forward, making Mike subtly cower.

"...Yea?" Shy but reassuring smile appeared on your face.

You didn't fully realize how tall he was before you stepped closer. Usually it wasn't a problem to look him in the eyes, but because of the close proximity you had to move your head up to face him.

If his focus wasn't entirely on you now, Mike's second worry would be his profuse sweating.

"Well- Um- Y-You won't get money for it, but if you're still interested, I could..." If it wasn't for your very close distance, you'd almost miss Mike's murmur.

Fortunately, you managed to catch it all.

With this reassurance, you reached out your hands so they could hold Mike's face.

You felt his cheeks getting even hotter with your touch.

Smooch.

You heard a surprised half whimper and gasp come out of him as soon as your lips touched.

He looked at you like a deer in the headlights as you pulled away from the kiss, knowing he already lost the battle with his face showing all the emotions coursing thru him.

"You know, that 'pay-off' is enough for me."

[𝙼𝚊𝚕]

Mal was sitting in the corner, the only indication that he participated in the game was his place near the pool.

Not too long ago he was sulking about his recent "unfair" elimination from the show he planned to win and so he was extra grumpy from the moment he arrived.

He almost stopped paying attention to whatever unimportant was happening until he noticed the bottle pick him.

"Kiss Y/N." He heard Heather's dare.

"What am I, fucking 14?" He bluntly spat out his annoyance at the childish topic.

"This is a family friendly show, Mal. Language!" Chris had to beep out Mal's profanity for sure.

You just sat there, frozen with the implications of the dare and what Mal might possibly think about what Heather said now.

Mal obnoxiously rolled his eyes, as to show his irritation further.

Suddenly you felt his piercing gaze sizing you up.

It made you tense.

"Y/N sure seems to act out their crush like a teenager. Make a move already, sweetie." Heather mocked you with the audacity of sounding like she doesn't even care about it.

She couldn't actually have a clue about you actually being interested in Mal, though.

She disliked Mal as much as Alejandro, knowing he's a proper rival to her, and with your "fascination" with him, you were more inclined to hang around him.

You were just in a "wrong place at a wrong time" and she wanted to make a jab at him.

"Well, Y/N, are you 'above 14' and up for it?" Chris dared to joke as he waited for your response.

"Uh- Yeah- Okay." You nodded while saying, albeit a bit quietly from the shock that was still in your mind.

Mal sighed dramatically as he so gracefully got up his butt to slither your way.

His walk was careless but still arrogant, matching his opinion about the topic.

He looked at you from above as you were still sitting on your place.

His face got closer as he bent to whisper in your ear.

"You really up for it?" He asked with a mix of "i don't care" as well as some not so subtle mocking and teasing grin. "With me?"

You avoided looking at his eyes to not betray too much, although you were sure that if Mal weren't conveniently casting a shadow on your face with his, he'd be able to see your blush.

"Yes." You managed to spit out, hoping that your attempts at being casual worked. "...For the cash righ-"

You tried to explain yourself further so he wouldn't take you for a pining weirdo, but you were promptly stopped by his lips touching yours.

You yelped quietly as he pulled you into a deeper kiss that you were not prepared for at all, grabbing your chin.

Mal wanted to make a show and so he did, much to everyone's surprise.

Heather's eyebrows even raised in shock, but they were nothing compared to yours.

After a not so steamy make-out, he finally backed off, leaving you with a need to process what happened.

"Oh, what a terrible fate. Truly embarrassing. Get a grip." He made a disgusted face at Heather, leading the point further with how stupid the idea was.

Mal was above the silly dare and so he didn't make a fuss about it.

He just wanted to shock people for his own amusement, per usual.

And maybe even subtly express his anger at people trying to make kissing him out of all people a "terrible fate".

He moved back to the place he was sitting on before, leaving you with a memory of the situation burned into your brain.

[AFTERMATH]

He was always good at reading people - skill he had to develop due to his upbringing.

So he didn't really worry about being in the wrong in the situation.

The smug brat knew you were into him, seeing your behavior around him.

After the game was over and everyone had fulfilled their dares, he approached you when you were least expecting it.

"Hey, lovebird." You heard the voice you knew too well, from someone you wanted to avoid for the moment.

Mal noticed your visible flinch as he went up to you from behind and chuckled under his breath.

"Not so happy to see me now?" He gazed at you while crossing his arms with cocky amusement. "I thought you enjoyed yourself not too long ago."

You had to wait a moment before the words could properly formulate in your mouth. You were baffled that he had the audacity to taunt you with it so casually.

Mal waited out your silence with an eye roll.

"Come on, I don't have all day." He impatiently hurried you, making you regain your voice.

"I-" You had trouble looking him in the eye after what happened.

"I am- not displeased by seeing you." You nailed it.

(No you didn't.)

"That's a step in the right direction." He concluded and dared to show you a mocking smirk, stepping closer. "But how about you admit that you're very happy to see me?"

His shameless cockiness and nonchalance thrown you off a little. You weren't sure if he was playing a cruel joke on you .

You decided to turn the question on him, somewhat smoothly.

"Well- It seems you are. Why else would you come to see me?" You replied with fake confidence, hoping it'd fool him.

Mal only chuckled at your attempt at being cool.

"Well, I can't deny I've been thinking about you." He once again managed to shut you up with a shit eating grin.

You remained silent for a longer second, obviously not knowing what to respond.

"You seem very speechless today, dear." He raised his brow amused, he was clearly thriving on making you uncomfortable.

"Don't get me wrong, it's adorable. But a conversation is a two way street, you know?" He was becoming bolder the more he saw you squirm.

"You don't really give me easy things to respond to, you know." A bit of truth escaped from you. He got you.

"Oh, I'm very well aware." He grinned and tilted his head confidently. The way he was staring at you made you feel very small. "What's wrong? Too afraid to say something?"

"Did you really come here only to make me feel stupid, or-" You tried to remain casual, but a bit of anxiety managed to fall into your response.

"Oh, the fun part of seeing you all shy and stumbling over your words is just a plus." He exhaled with amusement. "Besides, you don't need me to think you're stupid, you're doing a good enough job all on your own."

You furrowed your brows a little. So you were right. He was just making fun of you?

Mal rolled his eyes. You obviously weren't reacting how he wanted you to, but he wasn't about to give up.

"Why don't you just be honest for once? You seem awfully tense for such a simple conversation." He pushed your limits a bit, testing what made your nerves tick.

You sighed with both frustration and hopelessness.

Your mind was too preoccupied with thinking what a fool you were potentially making of yourself, you didn't even realize how many signs Mal was giving you. In his own way.

"... Okay." You started to gain some courage to finally speak up.

"There we go." The corner of his mouth curved into a sly smirk for a moment. He seemed pleased with his success, but made no move to make his intentions clearer.

In fact, his expression changed from smug to an impatiently raised brow, daring you to make the next move.

"Yes, I am into you." You finally decided to stop stalling and say the obvious. You tried your best to hide your embarrassment and fear of rejection on your face, which made Mal's eyes flash with curiosity and something else.

Mal looked pleasantly shocked for a moment, but quickly regained his composure and the smug expression came back.

"Finally, someone's not afraid of saying it." He paused for maximum dramatic effect, as if he'd been waiting for this moment. After the pause he leaned in close, bringing his face close to yours.

When the tension was highest between you two, he abruptly backed away and smirked at him again.

"You'll have to do better than admitting you're into me, though." He once again tested you.

"Huh- What else do you expect me to say?" You turned your head slightly, a bit dumbfounded by the demand.

"Oh, you don't have to say anything." He then took you by the waist, making you squirm a little by the sudden contact.

"You could always express yourself with actions…" He smiled devilishly, his brown eyes never leaving yours. He kept his hands resting on you, enjoying how awkward and nervous he made you.

Your face was undeniably at least a bit red by how quick it all went down.

Nonetheless, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you screwed this up when the fate gave you a chance to kiss your object of affection twice.

[𝙽𝚘𝚊𝚑]

"...What?" He stared at Heather with his skeptically raised eyebrow, which was conveying more so confusion and bafflement at this point.

You couldn't help but look at Heather the same, except with even more surprise.

"No hard feelings Noah, I don't care." She "lightheartedly" said. "But Y/N here..."

You knew Heather would start picking at you sooner or later.

You didn't really have a good relationship with her, and few days ago she seriously started to piss you off.

You had a little altercation before all of this but you didn't really think it was something to dwell on.

Apparently Heather thought the opposite.

Noah's face stayed the same until his expression softened into something else, but was promptly changed back.

"Wow. Really mature." He discarded her attempt at clowning on both of you.

"Well, dare's a dare, ain't it?" She repeated the rules of the game, shrugging carelessly.

He took a long and hesitant sigh as he lazily made way towards you.

You followed his moves with your eyes, finally meeting his as your gaze landed on his face.

"...Eh-" He stopped for a moment, cringing internally. "So- You okay with proceeding?"

"Yeah-" You nodded, sensing the awkward atmosphere.

Noah didn't make much effort to blow the kiss out of proportion.

He just smooched your lips in a quick manner and then, without a word, moved to his seat.

You tried to copy his demeanor towards the situation, not making a big deal out of what happened.

Your eyes wandered around the place after, but you managed to catch a glimpse of Owen playfully nudging Noah and letting out a silly giggle.

[AFTERMATH]

You couldn't bear the thought of the tense note you left off with Noah.

You felt immense second-hand cringe for Noah, who visibly didn't want to end up in the situation.

Even though it was a dare both of you accepted, you didn't want him to associate you with a gross memory.

So you gathered all of your confidence to go talk to him.

You noticed him reading a book somewhere in a secluded place.

You thought it's normal, since most people prefer peace and quiet while reading, but you also knew Noah was able to read just fine around other people to, if he wanted to.

You weren't about to question him about that, though.

He was deeply focused on his book, so when he heard you clearing his throat, you noticed some alarms going off in his brain as he saw you.

"Hey-" You awkwardly started.

He subtly stopped himself for a moment, grabbing his book and putting it down so that he'd show his attention is on you.

"Hey." He reciprocated your greeting, responding flatly but not maliciously.

You were a bit lost with how to start, so you just talked on the spot.

"So like, I know we don't really talk, but I just wanted to make sure that it's not, uh, weird between us because of Heather's immaturity." You explained as best as you could.

It was true, you and him weren't really close, but you also never shown any maliciousness between each other, and you wanted it to stay that way.

He digested your words for a moment as he searched for a proper response.

"I'm not affected by Heather's stupidity. It's not contagious." He summed it up in calm but witty manner. "Why would I be weirded out by an immature dare?"

"Right- That's cool then-" You tensed up slightly, but his response was also a bit relieving.

"... Unless it's you who has a problem?" He asked, raising his brow.

His expression stayed analytical and with a healthy dose of skepticism, but there was also a part of soft insecurity thrown in.

"No, no!" You quickly chased away his allegation.

Both of you once again found yourself in an uncomfortable silence.

You haven't made a peep, but you swear you could hear some quiet and unsurely irritated sigh from Noah as you planned to end this interaction.

Suddenly he opened up his mouth. "Well then, as we established-"

He tried to keep his words as casual as they come, with fear of coming more awkward than he intended te situation to be. "I think we should just, move on, and stop acting like it's a big deal."

"Yeah. You're right." You agreed with a nod, yet still felt a bit blursed about the fact that now you had your crush's attention on you.

"I mean, it's not like it was a first kiss on a school trip." You tried to joke to make the moment lighter.

"...Yeah." Noah's response came off a bit flat, with his movements becoming stiffer, but his expression remained a mystery.

"... It wasn't your first kiss, was it?" You blurted out without thinking over what you're gonna say.

You noticed the surprised and a bit called out face of his.

"Yeah- no way. You're like my fifth one this week." He quickly saved his face as he responded in a sarcastic manner.

You chuckled, although you weren't sure if he's joking or not.

"Wow, okay, sorry, that came off a bit weird of me, huh-" You backed away with your question apologetically.

"Yeah." He responded with the typical dry tone, but you could hear some light amusement from the reply. "Well, if you won't go bragging about it to others, then..."

You felt your face get a bit hotter, were you really his first kiss?

Now you felt a bit bad.

Did he have any regrets??

You had to know.

"Oh- Sorry for- taking that, I guess-" You tried to not dig at the "issue" further but also show that you're sorry, in case he expected that.

He softly smirked in slight amusement at your unsureness.

"It's just a kiss." He reminded you both.

You only chuckled nervously in return.

The moment was broken by a familiar blond-haired boy coming your way in a hurry.

"Noah, I saw Y/N heading your way!" You both heard Owen's voice nearing closer. "Maybe you can finally talk about that kiss-"

You saw Owen's face faltering into surprise and then embarrassment when he saw Noah's face trying to say "quit it" without making a sound around you.

"-Hershey's kiss, that you ate this monday, because, there were some, in the kitchen." He "smoothly" saved the situation and began to slowly retreat.

"Man, I'm hungry- I wonder if there are any left- I'll go check." And so he ran off.

Once again, the tense atmosphere creeped into to your surroundings again.

Noah couldn't help himself but let out a disappointed, given up sigh as he facepalmed.

"...What was that about?" You looked at him questioningly, but not trying to overwhelm him.

"That was my last chance at keeping this conversation not awkward." He cynically replied.

You stopped for a moment, unsure how to proceed.

"Okay, I'll just stop being immature and say it. I like you." Noah mumbled out your way, although he tried to make sure you hear it, his hesitance was obvious.

You were stunned to hear such words leave specifically his mouth, but you were in no mood to complain.

"I like you too." You didn't think much, you just said what's been on your mind in the current state.

You were about to take back your words, afraid of how easily you let on your feelings, but hey, he said it first, right?

"Oh. Wow." Was his only response after a moment.

[allbark-no-bite]

kiss me and apologize || Carmen Berzatto x reader

summary: from private chef to working in a rundown restaurant in Chicago, your life does a 180 as you try to fit into the world that is the Beef. Richie isn’t helping and Carmen just can’t figure you out

word count: 3.7k

warnings: swearing, mentions of michael’s death/suicide

author’s note: so um i guess i write for the Bear now?? official obsessed with the show and was inspired by all of the great writers that write for Carmy on here :)

"Carmen? The door?"

"What—? Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry."

He turns towards the door, fumbling for the key with numb fingers, his face burning hot.

He wasn't used to anyone else besides himself showing up to the restaurant so early in the morning, and he definitely wasn't used to you and your pink cheeks and and warm smile greeting him at the door. You were a new hire to the Beef, a godforsaken miracle dressed in oversized overalls who had shown up two weeks ago and been hired by Sydney on the spot.

She had been smitten with you from the start, dead set on hiring you without so much as a second interview.

"—studied in Copenhagen, worked at multiple Michelins in New York. I mean look at this, Carmen. She's a private chef in the Hamptons. We would be stupid not to hired her."

And you were great. You are great. Except for the fact that you're really fucking distracting.

"You sure you got it, chef?"

Carmen can't even blame the heat rising from his cheeks from the cold at this point because his hands are sweating as he jiggles the door knob that somehow always seems to get jammed at the worst possible moments. This is one of those moments.

Finally, he hefts his weight against the door while twisting the knob and it busts open. A muffled snort escapes you from behind him. Carmen steps inside, holding the door open for you with a small wave of his hand. "Sorry. I'm sure this crap isn't what you were expecting when you applied here—"

He's rambling, stomach twisting in knots. His nerves always screw up his stomach—maybe he'll pop a few Tums before—

"It's fine, Camren," you assure him, stepping in from the cold, body pressing against his in the small entry way. "I like it here."

I like you.

"Yo, am I interrupting something, cousin? You and the princess wanna take that shit somewhere else?" Richie's shout can be heard from all the way across the parking lot, and it makes Carmen visibly cringe.

"Fuck off, cousin," Carmen mutters, reluctantly breaking away from you.

Still standing in the doorway, you huff, whatever moment you and Carmen had shared broken by Richie's arrival. The taller man stomps up the front steps, shaking snow from his boots.

So far, he had been the only staff member you found unbearable. Even Tina had warmed to you after a few weeks and now took great pleasure in listening to your elaborate stories as a private chef. Richie, on the other hand, hated your guts.

"You just gonna stand there and let all the fuckin' cold air in? I'll let Sugar know to take the heating outta your paycheck."

"Fuck off, Richie."

The morning is only the beginning of his wrath.

——

"Richie, you fucking imbecile—"

"Every single time you open your mouth, all I hear is this fuckin' bullshit. Jesus, you're so fuckin' high and mighty with your fancy ass college degree," he sneers, looming over you. If he stepped any closer you would have lacked the self control not to hit him. "You wanna come in here, act like you know everything because daddy sent you to school—"

"You don't have to fucking like me, Richie, but what you're not going to do is push me around and be an egotistical misogynist just because you have a set of balls. So give me my fucking knife."

Richie's hand is in the air beside your head, waving about in wild gesticulation that he does not have your knife, or any fucking knife for that matter. "I don't have your shit!"

With your jaw clenched together, you breathe in deeply through your nose and take in the taller man through narrowed, disbelieving eyes. "Fine." You turn on your heals and storm off. "CARMEN."

Richie throws his hands up and scoffs at your retreating back, yelling after you. "Ohh go ahead, fuckin' call mommy. Like I'm scared of him," he snorts.

"CARMEN!" Your fury only fueled by Richie's taunts, your stride quickens as you shove your way through the chaos of the kitchen, dodging both Sydney and Marcus.

"Woah, chef. What's the matter?" Sydney asks as you whip past her, her hands busy with mashing potatoes, but you don't stop to answer, instead rounding the corner like a woman on a mission.

"CARMEN—"

"—What?!" At the third sound of his name, Carmen finally jerks his head up from his prep station, only to be met with you head on. "What's going on, chef?" he repeats, looking back down to his station after taking in your vexed disposition and gathering that no one's dying. He puts on these sort of metaphorical blinders once he's in the kitchen and nothing, not even you, is going to distract him from what he does best. He becomes an entirely different animal in the kitchen.

"That fucking dickwad has my knife and he won't give it back. How am I supposed to—"

Still urgently chopping carrots, Carmen cuts you off. "Chef, just get another knife," he instructs, stepping around you to dump a pile of sliced carrots into the bin.

His dismissal throws you for a loop and leaves you open mouthed, protest caught in your throat. Just this morning he had been stuttering nervously, cheeks flushed as you stood waiting for him to unlock the staff door. Now he's biting and abrasive, domineering in the way he takes control of the kitchen. You know he's just doing his job, doing whatever it takes to keep his head above the water—keep everyone's head above the water, but right now you want to scream at him. "Just tell him to—"

"Yes, Chef," he provides, indicating that he's done refereeing yours and Richie's squabble. He moves across the station so that you have to step sideways to avoid being in his way.

"But I—"

"Yes, Chef?" Carmen effectively cuts you off with a hard stare, momentarily stopping his urgent chopping. His blue eyes are fixating despite their look of wild urgency.

When it becomes obvious that arguing your point further is going to get you nowhere, you nod, growling a reluctant, 'Yes, Chef.'

If Carmen notices your attitude, he either pointedly ignores it or is too busy shouting at Tina about onions to care. You grab a knife laid out at one of the empty stations, purposefully shoving Richie as you round the corner.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Mommy didn't take your side?" he calls from the expo station "Didn't fuckin' see that coming."

You ignore him, deciding that he's not worth anymore of your energy for the time being. There's an entire rack of ribs that needs to be sliced and it's going to take you twice as long with this poor excuse of a knife.

"Chef, how are those ribs coming?" Sydney calls amidst the kitchen chaos. "Doors open in fifteen minutes."

Glancing at the digital kitchen clock, panic sets into you as you realize just how much time you've lost. "Fuck," you mutter, more to yourself than anyone. "Ahh—I'm going to need at least twenty," you shout back.

"What? What's taking so long?" Sydney asks. You can hear her moving behind you, finishing up with her own prep.

"Yeah, what's takin' so fuckin' long?" Richie chimes in.

Your grip on the knife's handle tightens, but you don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his words. "I'm working on it, Syd," you promise her, praying you can somehow speak that confidence into existence.

Richie is still running his mouth behind you. "Y'know, maybe you just aren't cut out for this. It's not too late to go back to makin' your fancy little hors d'oeuvres up in New York."

"Screw you, Richie," you mutter, your brow furrowed as you concentrate on cutting through the ribs. The knife is hardly cutting and it's taking everything in you not to just start hacking away and be done with it.

"This ain't a cocktail party. This is a real fuckin' business, and we don't need you over here messin' us up and screwin' around—"

"Screw. You. Richie."

"What was that? Can't hear you, princess," he taunts.

Just as you turn to open your mouth, ready to snap at him, the knife hits a dull spot and slips against your grip, catching your fingers along the way. Immediately you jerk your hand back, biting back a cry. The knife clatters to the ground at your feet.

"Fucking dammit!" you exclaim, clutching your bleeding fingers with your other hand.

"Oh now you've really fuckin' done it," Richie laughs, shaking his head.

You only glare at him before muttering, "Move," as you shove past him. To his credit, he doesn't say anymore as you shoulder him out of the way.

By the time you get to the back sink, there's blood seeping from between your gloved fingers and onto the floor. You have to fight back a whimper as you peal away the latex from your skin.

"Woah, woah— what the hell??"

Hands appear beside you, grabbing your own bloody hand and wrapping it tightly in a clean kitchen rag. You close your eyes, willing yourself not to faint. The pressure stings but serves to staunch the blood flow and relieve some of your dizziness.

When you open your eyes, Carmen's blue ones are staring at you worriedly. "You good, chef?"

You close your eyes again, this time not because you're dizzy, but rather to avoid the intensity of his stare. "Yeah," you manage hoarsely, finding your voice. "Yeah. Just bandage me up okay? I've still got prep to do."

Even with your eyes closed you can still feel his eyes on you. He's so close that you can feel the brush of his body against yours.

"Yeah, okay," he finally says, but you can hear the hesitation in his voice. Immediate loss fills your body as he pulls away, but then he's pressed up against you again, holding your fingers steady as he wraps them up.

It hurts and you want so badly to just let go of the cry of pain and frustration that you're holding back. But instead you bite the inside of your cheek and watch Carmen bandage your fingers like he's done it a hundred times before. When he's done, he draws your hand up to his mouth and tears the tape with his teeth. You force back a swallow when his lips brush your skin.

"This okay, Chef?" he asks, looking up at you with those ridiculously anxious blue eyes—anxious like he's always got somewhere to be, something to do, something on his mind. Now they're focused entirely on you.

Somehow you find your voice. "Y-yeah—yeah, thank you." You pause, still staring at him, not moving. "I, um—I should go finish prep..."

"Okay," he answers softly.

"Okay."

"—Hey." Before you turn to slip out of his office, Carmen calls after you. He raises a fist to his chest, tracing it clockwise over his heart.

I'm sorry.

Your brows furrow at his apology. "Carmen, it wasn't your—"

"Yes. It was," he clarifies, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back against the desk. "I blew you off earlier and you got hurt because of it... So I'm sorry."

From the doorframe, you offer him a half smile.

"Apology accepted, Chef." And then you leave him before he can say anymore, slipping back out into the chaos of rush hour.

——

You do end up finishing you prep before opening. Your fingers hurt like a bitch, and you may need to visit a 24 hour clinic on your way home for a few stitches, but you make it though. Rush hour was hell, your head hurts from both screaming and being screamed at, but now the Beef is closed, the kitchen is quiet, and you can just breathe.

Slowly but surely, everyone files out of the kitchen once they finish their end of the day tasks, bidding you goodbyes and see you tomorrows as they leave—except for Richie, who you flip off once his back is turned.

The bell above the front door chimes, announcing Tina's departure, and then it's just you left tending to your station. Sydney had offered to take care of it for you, seeing as you were down a hand, but cleaning your space at the end of the day gives you peace of mind and time to cool down after all the chaos.

At some point, the lights in the back office click off and heavy foot steps make their way towards the kitchen. Carmen appears beside you, arms crossed as he watches you clean. He's quiet, observing the way you scrub the already pristine table top over and over and over. You don't learn that kind of precision from working in a place like this.

You're an anomaly to him and he doesn't know what to do with you

You certainly don't fit in here with your perfectly refined private school vocabulary and your Michelin star palette and your fucking expensive gold chain necklace that's probably worth more than the rent for his apartment.

"What're you doing here?" he finally asks.

"Wiping my station?" Your voice is leaning on the defensive side and he figures that probably has to do with Richie.

"Exactly," he concedes. "So what are you doing here? Because six months ago you were making fuckin' soufflés in the Hamptons."

This time you actually kind of laugh because that statement is not too far off from the truth. "I don't know, Carmen. I was bored?"

"You don't give up the Hamptons because you're bored."

You look up at him for the first time since he's walked up. There's no bristling anger in your eyes like there was earlier when Richie took your knife—he did and you both know it. You just look at him, really look at him, and then you set down the rag and you nod. "Just like you don't give up Noma?"

Carmen holds your heavy gaze for a while. It's as if some sort of unspoken understanding passes between the two of you and eventually he sighs, nodding. "Right."

You look around at the restaurant surrounding you, the stained floors, the rundown kitchen appliances, the framed 'let it rip' note. "Natalie, uh she told me about him—Micheal... I'm really sorry. He seemed like a good guy."

His eyes follow yours to the note, and he doesn't say anything for a minute, which isn't unusual, Carmen has always been decently shy since you met him, but it makes you wonder if it was a mistake bringing it up.

Strangely enough, this is the first time that someone's brought up Michael and he hasn't wanted to slam a door in their face. Normally, he would just nod and say something like, 'yeah, he was a good guy' and that would be his way of wiggling out of another unwelcome conversation, but he doesn't. Instead, he stares at the note and wonders for the first time since Micheal died if he should have gone to the funeral.

It made him feel like a fucking asshole for not going, but he couldn't listen to all those people saying how good it was to have him back—how happy Micheal would have been to have him back—because if Micheal hadn't gone and killed himself, he wouldn't be here anyhow. He'd still be in New York. He'd still be angry at Micheal like he is now.

Carmen sighs. "I—I wish that I had talked to him more instead of just fucking off to New York. Because after that I just hated coming back too all of this... y'know? And then it was like even when I was here, he kinda just knew that I didn't want to be here, and so we spent that time just fuckin'... at each other's throats.." He trails off, sniffing to clear the choked up feeling from his throat. "Just—who the fuck does that?"

He's asking you. Who shoots themself and doesn't even leave a note? Who shoots themself and leaves their little brother to pick up the remains of their shithole restaurant?

"Well," you begin, laughing a little at the absurdity of it all. "You're talking to a girl who decided to quit her job after three years as a private chef and is now slicing spare ribs in Chicago for just over minimum wage."

The unseriousness of the confession makes him crack a smile and now he's fighting a grin off of his face. "Yeah, that was uh..." He's still chuckling, shaking his head. "That was really stupid of you. Why would you do that?"

You're fighting a smile too now, heart pumping in your chest because he's really fucking pretty when he laughs. His cheeks are flushed and his curly hair is a disheveled mess and you just want to reach over and smooth a hand through it.

Your tongue wets your bottom lip and his blue eyes don't miss the nervous habit. "Well, there's this guy..."

"Yeah?" Carmen's smiling, the tired expression on his face softened by the twinkle in his eyes.

"Yeah, there's this guy. And I've looked up to him my entire life. He's brilliant—like really fucking brilliant. And I promised myself that if I ever got the opportunity to work for him, I would do it."

Carmen snorts softly, glancing down at the white tile floor a bit bashfully before looking back to you again. "And now you know what a freaking psycho I am, huh?"

You can see it, him retreating back into the mellow, unsure person he becomes when he's not manning an overflowing expo station, a broken freezer, and an entire staff of chefs. It's endearing how timid he is, like he almost doesn't really know himself or how he fits in anywhere outside the kitchen. "I don't think you're a psycho, Carm. I mean, I would be a little crazy too if I had what you have on my plate."

He just nods, still a little sheepish at your praise. Just like this morning, when you had caught him at the back door before opening, he doesn't know what to do with himself when you're around.

You break the silence by turning back towards your station. "I'm going to finish up here. I don't mind locking up if you don't want to stay."

Carmen watches as you lean forward onto the toes of your beat up sneakers to grab the paper towels off the overhead shelf and the hem of your hand cropped t-shirt rides up. His first instinct is to look away because the exposed flesh of your rib cage feels like something he shouldn't be seeing, much less staring at, but it's like he freezes out of panic and now he's looking at the tattoo just under your breast.

He stands there, mouth partially open to reply back to you, but it's like his tongue is numb in his mouth and he doesn't even remember what he was going to say anymore. And then it's gone, concealed again by the hem of your white t-shirt.

When you walked into the Beef two weeks ago, your tattoos had been strangely surprising to him at first. He hadn't pictured you like that in his mind—bronzed skin and tatted forearms and cherry glossed lips—just grunge enough to make anyone who passes you look twice. Now you're all he thinks about.

"Carmy. Carmy?"

You're staring at him, head cocked to the side, brows furrowed in confusion and—God, he wants to kiss you.

"Are you oka—"

"Can I kiss you?" He blurts out the question as if he won't be able to finish it if he doesn't get it all out in one breath. Like he knows that if he doesn't ask now he's never going to have the courage to do it again, and he'll be stuck shoving down these feelings for you for the rest of his life.

When you stare at him, eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights, he knows he screwed up. His stomach drops and—fuck, he really needs a Tums right now. He looks away, hand reaching to his hair, eyes darting to the ceiling because he can't take the embarrassment of looking at you.

"I—fuck, I'm sorry. That was totally—um. I shouldn't have—"

"Shut up, Carmen."

"No, that was stupid of me. I—"

"Shut up so I can kiss you, you moron."

Stepping forward, your hand curls around the back of his neck, drawing him down to close the gap between the two of you. Even then you have to stand on your toes to reach him. Although the tense, anticipatory stiffness of his body against yours is screaming wait, you press your lips to his before he has the chance to back down.

It's everything that a first kiss should be—hot and sweet and a bit awkwardly reserved. You can tell he’s nervous. Nevertheless, you can't help the hum that escapes you at the feeling of his plush bottom lip pressed between your own. If given the choice, you’d never pull away from the warm taste of his mouth.

Carmen's breathing heavy, heart pounding in his chest, hand pressing into your back, pulling you closer as he kisses you impossibly harder. He's never kissed a girl before and he decides then and there that he never wants to kiss any girl that's not you.

It’s not clear which of you pulls away first—coming up for air more than anything—but it leaves you both nose to nose, mouths still inches from each other, still sharing the same air that you would had your mouths been connected.

“Carmen?” you ask softly, nose brushing his as you speak. You can feel his heart beating against his chest.

“Yeah?” he replies in same breathy tone.

“Did I mention I really like it here?”

[lili863]

Animagus (pt 2)

Matteo Riddle x MC

AN: Enemies to lovers, Quidditch, banter, conspiracies, dark arts, manipulation, death eaters, Slytherin boys Masterlist

**************

You limped across the hallways, on your way to the infirmary to get a vial of Wiggenweld Potion.

Your broom dragged across the floor, your eyes glued to your feet, when suddenly the sound of footsteps approaching prompted you to look up.

"You've got quite the mouth on you, Hufflepuff. I didn't take you to be such a sore loser".

Matteo Riddle, still adorned in his Quidditch uniform, stopped in front of you, this time without his cronies to back him up. His eyes gleamed with a mix of amusement and something darker.

"And I didn't take you to be the biggest jerk I've ever met, but hey, here we are," you shot back, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

His lips curled into a vicious smirk as he eyed your disheveled state. "Well, you certainly did a great job blocking every hit with your face."

Your tongue swiped over the cut on your lips, as his eyes followed.

"My face? Perhaps you should be more worried about your buddies who all took a hit from the bludgers they tried to throw, the blonde one looked like he was gonna pass out".

Matteo huffed out a laugh "The blonde one"?

A small smile crossed your lips, "What? Should I know their names?"

Matteo smirked, "Well, I certainly know yours now Wynn Cromwell".

Something churned in your stomach hearing that your name. Why did sound so good when it came out of him?

You were tempted to smile, but held it in.

"What do you want Riddle? Certainly, you didn't come here to give me well wishes on joining the team"

"No actually, matter of fact the opposite". Matteo innocent smile contradicted his words so well you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

"Figured. So get to the point please".

Riddle turned and leaned casually against the window, his posture relaxed but his eyes gleaming with intensity. You stood there, your curiosity piqued despite the growing tension.

"I need you to go to Rolanda and give up your place on the Hufflepuff team," Matteo stated casually, as if he were asking for a simple favor.

You blinked once. Then twice. And then you doubled over, laughing in his face, a little hysterical from the exhaustion of the day.

Matteo remained there, unfazed, watching you with an inscrutable expression as your laughter died down. His eyes, however, betrayed a flicker of irritation.

"Right, well, you're funny, Riddle. I'll give you that," you said between giggles, wiping a tear from your eye.

He merely sighed, looking annoyed that he needed to elaborate further. "Quit the team, Wynn, or else."

Now it was your turn to smirk, your curiosity giving way to defiance. "Or else what, Riddle?"

"Or else the Hufflepuff Quidditch team will start losing every single match from today onwards. And that would be quite humiliating, wouldn't it? You wouldn't even be able to show your face in the castle," Matteo's voice was low and serious, his eyes narrowing with each word. The gravity in his tone extinguished any humor you found in the situation.

"In case it wasn't painfully clear, I am not quitting the team I just accepted to join. So if that's all, then I am leaving," you declared, turning on your heel.

Matteo's voice stopped you mid-step. "Have you ever wondered why Hufflepuff's match stats are decently higher than Ravenclaw's even though they never make it to the semi-finals?"

You paused, looking back at him with a mix of curiosity and suspicion.

"It's because we let them win, as per our deal with the captain of your team," he continued, his tone nonchalant but his eyes sharp, gauging your reaction.

You felt a rush of conflicting emotions, your confusion giving way to anger. "What are you talking about? What deal?"

Matteo shrugged, his casual demeanor infuriating. "Just as I said. Your incompetent idiot of a captain couldn't lead your team to any wins, so he made a deal with us. If we let his team win a couple of games, he would hold off on recruiting any new talented players to the team until next year when he graduates."

You shook your head, trying to process the information. "So...you're telling me that Hufflepuff has been gaining their wins from cheating and foul play?"

If you weren't so shocked, you would have noticed the shit eating grin spreading across Matteo's face.

"What was it you said to me earlier today? Hufflepuffs don't play dirty"?

"But—I don't—why—" you stammered, your mind reeling.

Matteo stepped closer, his presence suddenly overwhelming. "Like I said, there's no fairness in Quidditch, princess."

Your initial confusion quickly turned to seething anger. To think the captain would do something as shameful and stupid as this deal. Was he even in the right house? He should've been in Slytherin.

"So...unless you want your ranks to plunge to hell, you're going to go to Rolanda—"

"No," you interrupted, your voice steady and resolute.

Matteo paused, his face hardening. "That wouldn't be wise of you."

Now the two of you were eye to eye, the tension crackling in the air like static. "If you're scared, Riddle, just say that. I don't give a damn about that deal because we are going to win our matches fair and square from now on," you declared, your voice firm and unwavering.

"Don't be delusional. It's a little pitiful at this point," Matteo sneered, his words laced with condescension.

It was going to be tough, perhaps damn near impossible, but you couldn't let him win, not now, not ever. The Slytherin team was a force to be reckoned with; both of you knew that. The fact that he was this adamant against you joining said something significant. He knew you were going to be the game-changer.

"Watch me, Riddle. By the time we arrive at our next match, I'll be flying circles around you. So you can take whatever deal was made between my team and yours and shove it up your—"

You yelped as Matteo suddenly shoved you against the wall, his movement swift and forceful. He towered over you menacingly, cutting off your words with his sheer presence.

"Watch how you speak to me, ditz. I let it go the first time, so learn your place," he snarled, his face inches from yours. Your noses almost touched, and you could feel his hot breath on your skin. The slight hint of his cologne hit you in a dizzying spell, your breaths now shared in the confined space. Matteo looked furious, with no regard for your personal space as his Quidditch gear pressed against yours.

"Don't slander my house, Riddle. You'll soon learn I have finite patience for your bullshit," you shot back, your eyes blazing with defiance.

You watched him lick his lips, a menacing smile curling over them. "You'll regret this."

"Not as much as you'll regret giving Rolanda a good word for me. Because now it's gonna come back and screw your whole team."

Matteo's eyes flickered with a mix of amusement and irritation. He was used to people cowering before him, but you weren't backing down. He wouldn't admit it, but you weren't as meek as he thought you were. You weren't typical nor timid.

"You really think you can win against us? Against me?" he asked, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper.

"I know we can. And I know I will," you replied, your voice steady despite the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

The two of you stood there, locked in a silent battle of wills, neither willing to back down. The tension was thick, the air heavy with unspoken challenges. Finally, Matteo stepped back, breaking the intense stare-off. He straightened his posture, his expression hardening once more.

"Remember this moment, Hufflepuff. When you're lying on the ground, defeated and humiliated, remember that I warned you," he said, his voice cold and authoritative.

"And when I prove you wrong, remember that I never needed a deal to win," you replied, matching his icy tone.

Matteo shoved his hands in his pocket standing before you for a few more moments, his gaze sweeping over your frame, then without a word he turned and walked away.

But you didn't miss the small smile on his lips.

[transingthoseformers]

Who would be crazy or desperate enough to try to sex up Tarn?

I feel like Tarn accidentally could give Pharma the impression he wanted the Jet carnaly and Pharma just finaly is "Ok, you win, have your wicked way with me!" Tarn is shocked when Pharma pops his interface array to display his glistening valve.(Pharma manually activated the lubrication function because he figures Tarn ain't gonna use lube.) Tarn ends up having to roll with it because he doesn't want Pharma to know that wasn't his intention. Pharma just broke a bit more mentally he doesn't dare give the Jet this as a win.

Bonus points if the misunderstanding comes from the differences between Jet and Grounder courting. Pharma thought Mr. Psychological Torment knew he was relentlessly hitting on him.

Hidden level extra secret bonus points if what Tarn ends up learning about the mating habits of jets in the aftermath completely recontextulizes Starscream's shenanigans as the longest running most elaborate attempt as courting in Seeker history because Megatron is oblivious to Starscream's true intentions.

Oooo????? Intriguing, love the return of accidental courting/seduction and it's Tarn of all mecha

Pharma will be so confused by Tarn not acting as how he'd expect, i feel like Tarn will be cumming in like a fucking minute because he is so not used to this, but he will make sure Pharma joins him in that because No Way is this version of Tarn going to neglect his new lover because, again, Tarn is a man of many vices— and sex is about to be one of them.

I just love the idea of Tarn crumbling under the right circumstances

Starscream's elaborate courting attempt must've been INSUFFERABLE to those who knew, like even the most dramatic of mecha didn't hold a candle to it. And it alllllllll went over a busy and unlikely to fuck his subordinates in this situation Megatron's head (that, or Megatron found out and dismissed the idea soon afterward) (because oh starscream, you're not getting what you wanted either :) )

Tarn's research has to be so conspicuous too

LMAO IMAGINE TARN DECIDES IT'S ONLY RIGHT TO COURT PHARMA PROPERLY THIS TIME... and it's a mess because now Pharma's confused on Tarn's odd behavior (cannot get over the image of Tank Courtingggg)

he finds the saddest looking crystal flowers to ever exist on Messatine too because it's definitely not the greatest environment for them. he still finds them though, and I'm tempted to suggest he unknowingly (or knowingly) secretly raided someone's sad little private crystal garden.

[gemini-sensei]

Hear me out... (unedited)

Reader just broke up with her boyfriend. She's sad about it, yeah, mostly because she's been looking for "the one." All she's ever wanted was to marry the love of her life and have a family with them, but it's slowly starting to feel like that is impossible as everyone she's gone out with has either said she isn't their type or things don't end well. Case and point, her most recent ex who found someone else...

Reader feels a little hopeless. As her friends start to make families of their own, she feels even worse. She's there for them as they go through pregnancy and have their babies, being an aunt to their kids and a babysitter when her friends want to have a night out. She loves the little ones, but at the same time, she feels cheated out of the life she wanted for herself.

Hawk, her best friend, watches from the sidelines and doesn't know what to do. He takes her out in an attempt to forget about it, distracts her mind from it all. The one time they got drunk, she swore up and down about how her ex made so many empty promises to her and how upset she was when he left because she thought he was the one. Why couldn't he have been the one?

She cried in Hawk's arms before throwing up on the bar floor. After that, he decided that drinking wasn't the best distraction. So they did other things... like play video games and go sight seeing and practice karate.

Reader appreciates everything he does for her. He's the best and she always tells him as much.

It's when Yasmine is pregnant that she comes to a realization. Well, Moon helps her get there.

As the two women are leaving Yasmine and Demetri's home, Reader says something about how she can't wait to have all of this; the lush house, the loving partner, a baby on the way. It's not the first time they've talked about this.

"Why wait at all?" Moon asks.

Reader sighs. "I don't know. I'm still trying to find that special someone, you know?"

"They're not worth waiting on if you're ready for a baby," Moon tells her. It's quiet for a moment, Reader a little warm in the cheeks. "Reader, we all know how long you've wanted a family. Sometimes it's all you talk about. Just skip the search for someone and go for the baby. No one said you had to actually have a partner to have a baby."

Reader looks at her, a little stunned. She knew single women had babies all the time, through whatever means led them to that path in life, but she never considered it for herself. She blinks and licks her lips, smiling. "I'll have to think about it."

Moon giggles. "Definitely think it over."

And she does. Reader thinks about it for months before she comes to a decision.

The first person she tells is Hawk.

"I've decided I'm gonna have a baby," she tells him.

He laughs. "We all knew this about you."

"No, I mean soon. I'm gonna get pregnant soon and have a baby, Hawk." He looks at her questionably because he's known her plan all their lives: meet the person of her dreams first, then start a family. Sitting with her in his lonely apartment, he knows she's single as fuck. She knows he knows this and goes on to elaborate. "I'm tired of waiting for someone to love me enough to have a baby with me. I'm just gonna do it myself."

"Okay, but that's a lot more responsibility put on you," he says, concerned and only looking out for her best interest.

She nods. "I know. I've thought through all of it. I know what I'm doing."

He stares at her and sees how determined she is in this decision. Whether he thinks her doing this on her own isn't the best idea or not, he knows he won't be able to change her mind. "Okay. So are you gonna go to a sperm bank and tell them you want a donation?"

"No," she says and he almost chokes on air.

"What?"

"That's too expensive," she tells him. "I can spend that money on something a lot better. I mean, who knows how much I'd waste if it doesn't take the first or second or even third time, you know? I'm just gonna find a tinder hookup and go from there."

Now he puts his foot down in protest. "No. No way, Reader. For someone who's put a lot of thought into this, that is the worst way to go. I mean, you could meet someone dangerous or someone that you don't want to get you pregnant. Just save up for the clinic."

"I don't want to wait for that," she tells him, looking at him rather cross. But it's more out of desperation than being angry. "What other choice do I have?"

He says it before he thinks it through. "You have me."

She stares at him stunned. "What?"

He swallows hard but committs to it. "Reader, I don't want you getting hurt. I mean, all I want is for you to be happy. I'd do anything for you. I'd kill for you and you know that. So why not this?"

She sits silently and listens, then asks, "You'd really do this for me?"

"I'd do this with you," he tells her. He takes her hand and squeezes it. "Then you wouldn't have to do this alone and the kid can have both parents around."

She smiles.

"This is what best friends are for, right?"

She laughs and hugs him, nearly knocking him over. "You're the most amazing best friend ever!"

They hold each other for a moment longer than maybe what was necessary, then pull away from each other. He smiles at her a little cheeky.

"So, should I go get a turkey baster?"

He hits him on the arm. "Shut up! And no!" She sits shyly for a moment, cheeks growing hot. "That's another reason I didn't wanna use a clinic... I still want the have the whole... involved experience."

His eyes darken and he licks his lips. "Oh, I see."

He puts a hand on her thick thigh and squeezes it. She giggles nervously and puts her hand on his.

"Now isn't the time," she tells him, quickly explaining, "I'm not ovulating."

"We could still practice," he offers, wearing a cheeky smile.

She bites her lip and nods. "Yeah, a little practice wouldn't hurt."

They move to his bedroom, where their friendship takes on a whole new meaning. As he holds her pudgy waist and pounds her from behind, he silently hopes it takes some time for her to get pregnant because it's the best sex he's ever had. She moans and curls her fingers into the sheets, also wishing the same thing.

And even when they're cuddling in his sheets after their practice run, they're blind to the fact that this changes everything. But it does at least open up their hearts to the truth that's been there all along: they've been each other's meant to be for a long time. They just don't realize it yet, just like they haven't all these years they've been friends.

[hyunjilicious]

A/n: This was initially supposed to be the beginning of a longer fic but I ended up changing the plot a bit and this little thing doesn't fit in there anymore. So there's basically no plot here, just 3 bff's minding their own business when one of them decides to ask for a hickey :) you know, like all friends do.

Warnings: there's no smut, but I still wouldn't be comfortable with anyone underage reading it, so 18+ PLS. Also they're just friends but there's a hyunjin x reader x felix type of thing implied... idk... I love them both too much :/ (highly unedited, don't look at me, I just want it out of my drafts thank you) 1.4k

"Ok, I know this is gonna sound stupid, but bear with me for a second?" Hyunjin said, breaking the 10 minutes of silence that followed yours and Felix's relentless complaints about work and the last minute tasks you had been given. Once that topic had been exhausted, you each settled in a corner of your queen sized bed, entrapped by your phones. That was until Hyunjin spoke up.

"Yeah, what is it?" Felix answered but Hyunjin waited until he had your attention too before continuing.

"Can one of you give me a hickey?" 

Felix didn't even bother trying to answer, confusion just fell upon his features as he stared ahead, then at Hyunjin, who didn't even bat an eye, and then at you.

"Um?" you frowned, "Can you elaborate?"

"There are these girls at work that like me, I mean I think they do, and I've basically done everything to tell them I'm not interested but like… they don't get the hint, and they're very sweet, so I don't wanna be rude to them.. I figured this would be the best idea"

"You figured this would be the best idea?" Felix deadpanned.

"Yeah… they never walked up to me and told me they like me, so what kind of entitled asshole would I be if I just went to them and said 'Hey, I get that you're obsessed with me but I'm not interested'?"

Felix just blinked. "First of all, obsessed is a little bit too much, don't you think?"

"I agree. That's why I want a hickey"

"Just say you have a girlfriend"

"But I don't" Hyunjin shook his head, "That would be a lie. A hickey is just a hickey, and it'll make them assume I have someone"

"Or you could just talk to them" Felix tried again.

"Or you could just shut up and give me a hickey"

"I've never given anyone a hickey, I'm not doing it"

"I can do it" you offered, much to Felix's disappointment. It seemed that for whatever reason he assumed you'd be the rational one, but if anything, you understood very well what it was like to want to avoid difficult conversations.

"Thank you!" Hyunjin exclaimed.

"Come here"

"What? Now!?"

"What? Do you need to get ready? Need a moment of silence?"

"Um, no?" Hyunjin shily mumbled as Felix laughed in the background, "I just didn't expect you to do it now"

"We can do it later"

"No, no, no. Now is good"

"Ok, lay down" you instructed and shuffled closer to him. 

"Oh my god" Hyunjin chuckled as he let his weight fall back onto his shoulders while you straddled his hips. He watched you tuck your hair behind your ears and lick your lips, which made nervous giggles break past his lips as he threw his head back. "This feels so professional"

"Yes, y/n, the hickey master" you mocked and grabbed his hands, one forceful pull later and he was down flat on his back against the mattress. "Tell me if it hurts"

"I've gotten hickeys in the past, it wasn't that bad"

"Yeah because you were turned on and it was sexy. Now that's not the case"

"Hey, you're sexy" he grinned which made you slap his face away so you wouldn't have to see his eyes anymore.

"Oh god, I need to see this" Felix giggled and crawled closer, settling right next to you and directly above Hyunjin.

"You're breathing right into my face"

Felix wasn't having it, so he just smiled down at his friend. "You like it"

"Idiot"

With your lips inches away from Hyunjin's exposed neck, you found yourself struggling to find a starting point. Something felt off, a bit unnatural, and it made your ears tingle. "Ok, this is weird, but I don't know how to give hickeys without kissing too, so-"

"Kiss me, I don't mind"

"You're willing to make this sacrifice, huh?" Felix teased.

"Ok, but tell me if this starts to feel awkward, ok?"

"Y/n, you're both basically on top of me, one about to bite me and the other one looking at me like I'm a science experiment, awkward doesn't even begin to explain it"

"I'm sorry" you laughed, and despite the hurricane of thoughts that rushed through your brain at that exact moment, you shook your head one last time and finally closed the distance between the two of you.

Doing this robotically and by the book was never going to cut it, no matter how much experience you had and how many techniques you knew. So putting your faith into Hyunjin to tell you in case you went too far, you decided to do this right.

With your back arched and your body fully pressed against his, you snaked one hand up into hair, curling your fingers up around his roots as your lips started working on his still intact skin.

The kisses that initially started off as gentle and soft, turned fervid in a matter of seconds, your lips mercilessly sucking his perfect skin, morphing his light complexion into a perverse shade of red. 

Unconsciously, as you worked on the hickey on his neck, the hand that had been previously lightly tugging at his roots traveled down, gripping his chin and caressing its way down to his shoulders. 

Completely lost in the taste and feel of your best friend's skin, you failed to register the unnatural feeling of his hands on your thighs. You knew they were there, you felt their warmth down to your bones, but it never occurred to you that that had never happened before. So you let yourself get driven by his touch and refused to show any signs of slowing down as his curious hands made their way to your hips and then to your ass.

Fully engrossed by everything that was going on at once, you failed to notice the way Hyunjin was panting beneath you - his chest heaving up and down as his shaky, hot breath ran against your ear.

Once you figured you had him warmed up enough, you gave his neck the last bit of preparation which came in the shape of you licking up his jugular before you returned to your initial spot and sunk your teeth into his skin with no warning.

"Holy f-" he grunted, more than surely involuntarily bucking his hips up into you as his fingers dug into your hips. 

But it didn't deter you, you kept going - sucking, biting and licking all the right spots, keeping a steady pace until you felt satisfied with your work.

"Ok-" you said a bit out of breath before returning to pepper his traumatized skin with feather light kisses, "I think this should do it"

When you pushed yourself up to admire your work, Hyunjin hurried to hide his face behind his hands. "Oh my god"

"Was it good?" you grinned, placing your hands on his waist, ready to tickle a compliment out of him in case you needed to.

"I need a minute," he panted.

Deciding to give him the space he said he needed, your eyes moved to Felix. Despite not uttering one word, his face said a lot, his red cheeks, wide eyes and shy smile were enough to get the message across. 

Instantly, you opened your arms calling for a hug, but he just mirrored you and welcomed you when you finally crawled over to him. He gathered you close against his chest and pulled you down, the two of you now tightly wrapped together next to a still speechless Hyunjin.

"Was that awkward for you?" you whispered, hiding your face in the crook of his neck from the sudden wave of embarrassment that washed over you. 

"No, don't worry, it wasn't awkward-" he assured you with a kiss on the top of your head. "It was a… good tutorial"

"I still find it shocking that you've never given a hickey before" 

"I think the reason for that is because I always hated receiving them," Felix confessed, which prompted Hyunjin to come back from the dead, one long pointer finger up in the air.

"That's because you've never gotten one from her" 

"Ok" Felix laughed, "Can we stop with the hickeys? I feel like I'm high-school all over again. Adults don't have hickeys"

"No," you corrected, "Adults don't have hickeys in places others can see. Except that one" you pointed to Hyunjin. 

"You're just jealous"

"Of what? The hickey I gave you?"

"I don't know" Hyunjin gave up with a sigh and lazily rolled off the bed, "I'm gonna have a shower"

"Have fun!" you both laughed and then settled back into a tighter cuddle once the room fell into silence again.

What is this abrupt ending? Idk either, I'm sorry 😖