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nhasablogg · 3 years ago

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Self Tickle Session

Fandom: MCU

Characters: Tony/Steve

Summary: Tony tickles himself since he has no one else to do it to him. Or so he thinks.

A/N: Another repost from AO3. I remember reading a fic YEARS ago of a similar scenario (but I think it was Steve who was tickling himself) and I cannot for the life of me find the fic again so I think it's been deleted, but I adored it so much and have wanted to write this concept myself since, so kudos to that fic and that author. Hope you're doing well, wherever you are.

But yeah Tony has a tickle kink here so if that isn't your thing feel free to click away. If you stay I hope you like it!

Words: 1 437

[Read it on AO3]

In retrospect he shouldn’t have expected to be granted even an hour of privacy anywhere in this tower that wasn’t in his lab or bedroom, but after an overly difficult day his feet steered him in the direction of the usually vacant library, and he wasn’t one to question his intuition.

Dusty, the only room in the whole building that looked as if technology hadn’t touched it in decades, and one of Tony’s favorite spaces when he needed a moment away from everything. When he needed to allow his body to rest and not keep overworking itself to exhaustion. It was packed to the brim with bookshelves, the books being decor rather than entertainment at this point, but he knew Natasha and occasionally Steve would come up here and read, so he didn’t have the heart to turn it into anything else. Sometimes you just needed to be surrounded by stories and knowledge. That was enough for him right now.

The faux leather couch, hidden between rows of shelves, was tinted in gold from the descending sun peeking through the buildings outside. This was the perfect reading spot in the afternoons, with big windows and natural lighting. Tonight it worked as Tony’s sanctuary.

He sat. He fished out his phone. He put it on the table. He twisted his body to look outside, watching the growing darkness embrace him. He turned back. He sighed.

Well, now what?

Rhodey had always nagged him about not resting when he needed to, but he hadn’t mentioned that resting could be so boring.

He grabbed his phone, disregarding any messages to go on twitter, aimlessly scrolling on the feed of his private account. If no one knew he was on there they wouldn’t question him not following all the people they would expect him to follow. He could laugh at memes in peace.

So he did. For about twenty minutes. Then he got bored. Again.

“Seriously?” he said aloud, chucking the phone to the side in frustration. Maybe he needed to read after all.

Or-

That could be wildly embarrassing if anyone saw him.

But.

Well, he couldn’t say he hadn’t had his cravings recently.

Feeling extremely self conscious, Tony slid down a bit, the leather squeaking in protest. His shirt rode up without him having to touch it, skin being exposed to the air. He almost shivered, fingers twitching. Not yet. Think about it first, to turn the contact into more of a relief.

Fingers skittering up his sensitive skin, continuing even as he started squirming. Not showing any mercy. His arms strapped down, underarms exposed. Torso twisting and still having to endure the soft scratches on the sides of his belly, his most ticklish spots. Not stopping despite how he begged.

Fuck it.

He closed his eyes and ran the tip of his finger across his lower belly, the touch so slight he almost didn’t feel it. Humming, he added four fingers and moved them upward, until his tummy jumped beneath the contact. Until he could almost imagine it being someone else’s torturous work on his sensitive skin.

This was a strange kind of foreplay. He had to admit it.

He removed his hand, a smile playing on his lips. He couldn’t even handle his own touch. Ridiculous. He ran his big toe over the sole of his other foot while trying to figure out where his hand should journey next. Whether he should aim for a slow descend.

The room was almost entirely dark now and he felt braver. Maybe braver than he should in a room that anyone could access. He stilled, giving his skin some relief, and listened. No sound. He was still alone.

He exhaled slowly, turning his body so that he was lying down properly with his legs resting on the couch. Giving the illusion of relaxation. Truth was he was far from relaxed.

Hand hovering over his midriff, Tony used his other hand to fully jank his shirt up. Exposed and vulnerable. So much skin at his disposal. If only he didn’t have control of his hands. It was so easy to swipe them over a spot and then remove them, not giving him any chance to lose his composure. He needed someone else’s hands, but to get to them he’d need a person. A person he didn’t have.

Damn it, he hadn’t expected this self tickle session to become so sad.

Tony snorted, mumbled “stupid”, and let his hand collide with his ribs. Spidering the bones as good as he could without giving in to his urge to make it stop. Breathing slowly, eyes shut and lips curling into a lazy smile. Moving downward to torture his belly again, pretending someone had him pinned while dragging their nails lightly over the area. Over and over. Not stopping as he laughed or begged or screamed. Not until the safe word had been uttered, and Tony not planning on saying it anytime soon.

He fluttered his fingers over his neck, the feeling almost unbearable. Almost too much. Surely someone else doing this would’ve sent him into hysterics. He wanted to reach the spot at the top of his spine. The one that gave his whole body goosebumps. He wanted to grab his foot and spider his fingertips over his sole. God, he wished-

Was that a sound?

He sat up, almost sending the table flying when he swung his legs back onto the floor. Heart racing, eyes trying to see in the dark. Terrified. Yes, he’d saved the world countless of times and he’d never felt this sort of panic.

“JARVIS, turn the lights up,” he said, voice hoarse. Not sounding like his.

What he found was a very sheepish looking Steve Rogers.

Well, that was just great.

He watched Steve emerge fully from behind the bookshelf, his face proof enough that he’d probably been there for a while. Hell, maybe he’d been there the entire time, but just hadn’t felt like saying anything.

Either way Tony was moving the fuck out right now.

“Tony.”

Tony averted his gaze when Steve took another step. “How much did you see?”

“I’m sorry.”

“How much, Steve?”

“Enough to know what you were doing, I guess.”

“Jesus, you just- you didn’t think to let me know of your presence?”

“Please don’t be mad.”

“How can I not?”

Steve was right there, right in front of him now with his perfect face. His stupid perfect eyes.

If Tony wasn’t blushing before he sure as hell was now.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, looking like a kicked puppy. “I know I shouldn’t have lurked, but-”

“But?”

“God, I’m gonna sound like such a freak.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek. “I don’t think the guy you caught doing that will judge you.”

“I’m not judging you either, you know.”

“Yeah, I believe you.”

“I’m not.” Steve tilted his head. “Please don’t think I would.”

“Can we get back to why you were lurking?”

“I just. I found it so mesmerizing that I couldn’t look away.”

Tony blinked. “Sorry?”

“You teasing your skin like that? Jesus, Tony, I’ve never been more attracted to you.” He crouched down and put his hand on Tony’s knee. Tony let him. “I’ve noticed you have… a thing for tickling.”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “Please kill me.”

“Hey,” Steve said, his other hand finding Tony’s nape. “It’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“I don’t mind it. I’m just wondering why you thought you had to do this to yourself when you could just ask me.”

So maybe they hadn’t talked about what the hell they were yet, but that was practically a love declaration.

“Are you serious?”

“Never been more serious in my life.”

“You’re not just messing with me to spare me the embarrassment? Because trust me, I’d take it any day over you pretending-”

“I’m not just saying this, Tony.”

The silence that followed was excruciating. Tony, who had this beautiful man seemingly wrapped around his finger, didn’t know what to say. How does one react to something like that?

“I still don’t approve of you creeping on me like that,” he said, finally. “But if you don’t pin me right now I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself.”

Steve obliged, the two of them tangled together until the room was echoing with Tony’s laughter. Whoever thought libraries were quiet hadn��t met Steve’s fingers because damn.

“Tell me what you were thinking of when you did this,” Steve said, toying with Tony’s neck and almost pushing him over the edge.

Much better than a self tickle session. So much better.

#tickle fic #ticklish!tony #stony fic #stony tickles #stony #self tickle session #N writes

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peachesandmilktea · 3 years ago

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Definitely going to delete this soon, but

I know there’s another Shigaraki Pirate AU fic out there and I know it’s amazing but I’m waiting until I finish writing my own fic to read it since I don’t want it to influence my writing.

But please stop comparing my fic with the other one? Or recommending that fic on comments praising mine? I already don’t get that many comments and finally getting notifications just to see that they’re all “you should read that other Pirate Shigaraki fic!!” is just sad.

I’m not mad or anything, I’m really, really looking forward to reading that fic because I’m sure it’s popular for a reason, and I could die for anything Shigaraki, really, especially pirate Shigaraki. But I just want my work to be acknowledged as well, I guess?

I don’t mind people recommending that fic to me since, after all, I write Pirate Shigaraki because I love Pirate Shigaraki: it’s only natural that I would like another fic about him. But flooding my comments with recommendations for another fic?

Absolutely no hate to the author though. I guess it’s just me being self-conscious of my own writing; I already didn’t have much confidence in that fic in the first place and seeing people go out of their way to recommend another one in my comments just makes me feel a bit worse about it.

Really sorry, I don’t like complaining about comments, especially since the comments that sparked that feeling in me were written by someone who had written a super nice comment on my fic (And if you’re reading this I truly, sincerely thank you for that. I’m still extremely grateful that you enjoyed my fic and I hope you won’t see this post as me criticizing you. It’s just something that has happened a few times, both on Tumblr and AO3 and I’m only talking about it because it affects my confidence in my writing. I am absolutely not mad at your or anything, it’s just something I need to say because it’s been weighting on my mind since I saw the comments).

Ahhhh I really feel super bad for posting this but. Just know that I’m always grateful for each comment, each like, each reblog, each kudos, and I don’t think those comments that made me sad came from a bad place at all. I’m just also in a bad mood today I guess.

Please don’t reblog this.

#sunny rants #sorry dnjsndjd I’m not mad or anything I swear #let’s say it’s just an observation #and no hate to the author really!!!! I can’t wait to read their fic

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deluweil · 4 years ago

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Buddie 4x14 review - if you haven’t watched it yet don’t read.

The episode starts where we left it, once Buck was on the ground, it seems like he was thrust back into reality. I noticed two things here (connected with 4x13) Eddie didn’t close his eyes until Buck was safe behind the truck on the ground. And the second thing is that Buck was spurred into action the moment Eddie’s eyes closed.

And I mean this was some BAMF Buckley right there, that was SEALS trained Evan Buckley! 😱🤩 It’s like training and instinct kicked in and all that mattered was to get to Eddie and get him help as soon as possible, sniper’s bullets be damned. I gotta say it was executed to perfection❣

Big kudos to both Oliver and Ryan for delivering this whole sequence in a heart-wrenching, beautiful manner.

The shooting doesn’t stop and they get Eddie out of there under fire, I really like the 133 captain and crew, they worked so well with the members of the 118, it seemed effortless. (I’m not touching that subject, but let’s picture Buck lifting Eddie bodily up into his arms and in to the truck for just a second here. - I mean we wanted it but not under these circumstances)

Buck taking the role of medic when finally getting Eddie into the truck, is so amazing, he’s usually the one either in need for treatment or the one who stands back and let’s Hen, Chim and Eddie do the medic stuff, it is their jobs after all, but he doesn’t sit back and let the medics of the 133 to take over, he does it himself.

He tore Eddie’s uniform’s buttons open (again, that’s not how any of us wished for this to happen), tore the pressure bandage wrap open and pressed it down on the wound, he did not step back from Eddie, until he absolutely has to, at the hospital. 😭

Eddie, my poor baby, was lying on the ground of the truck, bleeding and half conscious and the one thing he focused on was the blood on Buck’s shirt and he asked him if he’s hurt. I mean I could totally cry, because that’s Eddie. Best friend, combat medic, protective and caring, that never goes away even as he’s lying there bleeding. 🥺🥺

Eddie was legit ready to forget his injuries and try to get up and take care of Buck if he was hurt too. He loses consciousness only when Buck assures him that he’s not hurt.

Buck’s frantic litany of “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” and “I need you to hang on�� (“I need you”, not we, not Christopher, “I need you”) was really hard to watch, because even though we all read and wrote it in fanfics thousands of times, watching it actually play out was heartbreaking, I totally teared up with Buck there.🥺🥺

For firefighters the job ends at the hospital doors, so Buck naturally, out of instinct stops from following. But that’s Eddie taken away from him and he looks frozen, at that moment he must have thousands of thoughts running around his head.

“You ok Buckley?”

Buck’s broken “No.” was maybe expected, but it was also earth shattering of sorts. This is Buck standing there, knowing (especially after the well incident) that when Eddie is not okay, he’s not either. 😭❤

I want to point out that I loved the fact that the 133 didn’t just drive away or waited outside for the cops, they went in after Eddie. And after trying to check in on Buck, the Captain of the 133 went in too.

I’m going to point out a parallel here between S3 Finale and S4 finale, in 3x18 Eddie asks Buck if he’s ok as his ex-girlfriend was taken in the ambulance with her new fiancé, Buck’s response was “What’s next?” and going back to work. He was okay, because Eddie was with him, and there was still work to be done.

Here in 4x14, Eddie is taken from him to the hospital, and Buck doesn’t know if he’ll live, so Buck’s obvious answer here is ‘No’.

Later we see Buck exiting the hospital, in his firefighter uniform. I’m a little disappointed we don’t see him cleaning up, I know that could have made for a hell of a scene, Oliver would have killed it, and us in my opinion.

Taylor is coming to the hospital, not as a reporter but as a friend. She was worried. I like that side of her, when she knows to put away the reporter and to make sure her friend is in one piece. Her character development is shown beautifully in this scene.

Buck, in no condition to pretend and speak to the press, turns away from her, he doesn’t trust her at that moment and he doesn’t trust himself not to break down there. He’s teary, still in shock and his hands are shaking like crazy. (in complete contrast to the usual Buck, where he can be in danger or wrap up a crazy rescue and he is normally completely steady.)

Taylor, offered to take Buck to Eddie’s house to see Christopher, telling him he can’t go see Chris looking like he does now. “You can’t got see his son like that.” - At first hear and several others it sounded like “Your son.” - of course it’s not but either way it would have been true too, because in a way Buck has been co-parenting Christopher for a very long time now. And indeed later when Buck gets to Eddie’s house he is washed and dressed in civilian clothes.

The scene with Oli and Gavin killed me! I thought for sure the breaking down will be done in private, but Buck couldn’t hold it together in front of Christopher once he found out Eddie is going to be ok, and Christopher comforting Buck was so so sweet.

Christopher’s “like the ones who fixed you?” Kind of gives us a certain idea as to the conversation Eddie had to have with Christopher when Buck was hurt. His sweet “Then he’s going to be ok,” he says it with such conviction, only adding “right?” only as an afterthought.

And as if he manifested it himself Buck then gets a text from Bobby that tells him that Eddie pulled through surgery and it looks good.

Buck actually dropped the phone from the relief and he started to cry, and sweet, adorable, national treasure Christopher puts an arm around him and tells him that Eddie is going to be okay. I definitely cried with Buck here. It was such a powerful scene and it was portrayed so well by Oliver and Gavin.

The “it’s going to be okay Buck” was kind of a call back to 3x01 - when Christopher reassures Buck and tells him “You’re going to be okay kid.” - I love these two together so much! ❤❤

When Bobby gives them the talk in the firehouse about how they proceed from there, Buck is standing with his arms crossed, looking completely dejected. And when Hen asks about the safety of their families, Bobby says there's no reason to believe they are in danger, Buck pipes in with “We didn’t have a reason to believe Eddie will get shot helping a kid either.” Buck is traumatized, and worried, he sleeps at Eddie’s house looking after Christopher.

I loved Christopher waking Buck up, and them having cereal breakfast together, a call back to Eddie and Christopher having breakfast together in 2x04. Buck doesn’t sit next to Chris, but across from him - to me it says that the seat between them is usually reserved to Eddie when they’re together at the house.

I love how Christopher’s teasing Buck about him snoring. And Buck is later confused because he’s unsure of whether or not Chris really understands what’s happening, but Carla assures him that he already lost his mother, unfortunately he understands better than he or she thinks. Which again should give people a new appreciation for Christopher’s sunshine child attitude.🥺❤

Carla showing up to take Christopher to school, is showing relief that Buck could finally sleep, which means that he didn’t for at least a couple of nights. She’s also asking him how it feels to go to work, Buck doesn’t even think about the sniper, for him all that matters is that Eddie is not out there with him and it feels off. (call back to 2x18 when Eddie seemed pensive about being back at work but Buck was not with them.)

Carla, bless her, retorts that that is not what she was asking - obviously she meant, she was worried about the sniper, but that is not Buck’s main worry, his head and his heart are somewhere else.

The crane scene was insane! I laughed when Chimney looked to Bobby and asked him “Can you blame him cap?” and Bobby flat out responded “Yeah!” 😂

The rescue was really impressive. However if Eddie ever found out about this he would probably hit Buck over the head with something heavy. It just goes to show that Eddie is Buck’s impulse control and vice-versa.

Bobby and Buck’s interaction wasn’t one of anger, Bobby was terrified and Buck was guilty but unapologetic, because he couldn’t protect Eddie but he could protect the rest of his family, so he did just that. Bobby didn’t have anything to say other than give him the same response Eddie did in Monsters - “Don’t do it again.” - Because for one, in my opinion, Bobby knows where Buck is coming from and also Bobby knows, he knows Eddie is Buck’s impulse control, knows he’s his anchor, he knows that Buck will only be his relatively normal self when Eddie comes back.

I’m not even going to touch the Taylor scene, yes she was worried, and yes she scolded him in a friendly way, but that kiss felt so out of left field for me, especially since Buck was just packing a bag to go stay with Christopher and Eddie was still unconscious at the hospital.

Also she freaking friendzoned him last episode, how fickle do male writers think women are? She gets a little scared and kisses the guy? Lucky they didn’t write in a sex scene! That was an insult to women everywhere in my opinion. It could have been set in so many better opportunities, why now? And if she’s scared now what’s to say that won’t make her leave like Ali did? I have a whole tirade about it but I will let it go for now.

Now I know ya’ll are like - Eddie woke up because his spidey senses told him someone was kissing his Buck (and I do not negate that point lol), but he just woke up and he asked for Buck. I find it so deliriously endearing that I need a moment even as I’m writing this.🤗🤗

I have to point out that there is no scene of Buck, Eddie and she who will not be name together other than the second when Buck walks in (read ran through the hospital corridors) and Eddie has only eyes for his partner. 👀❤

Afterwards it just the two of them, with a brief facetime to Christopher. I love that Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Chris, and Buck pretty much breaks down the logic behind the decision, like a true parent. - Christopher’s comfort came first in Buck’s eyes, and really that just demanded a hug right there.

“Is he doing ok?”

Buck’s response here, was very honest, a lot more honest than I expected, “better than me.” He said. Buck openly admits to Eddie, “I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry I should have held it together.” To be honest, I’m very curious as to the ins and outs of Buck and Eddie’s friendship, especially during quarantine, they seem so much closer, a lot more open. More honest than you'd expect two male, straight, lead characters to be with their friends.

Buck would have played it down and shared only the essentials when it’s anybody else. With Eddie he openly saying here, in his own way, ‘I was terrified, and heartbroken, and ‘couldn’t imagine my world without you.’ - ‘I couldn’t function with a clear head.’ - ‘all my masks were shattered.’

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be, that’s what matters.” Eddie knows, buck, he understands him better than anyone, he’s telling him here in his own way that it’s okay, and he loves him just the way he is - it was his way to reassure Buck that he was doing just fine.

But Buck’s “Still I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” - Eddie looked like he was ready to get up and smack some sense into Buck.

I want to point out that Buck’s response to Eddie being hurt or in danger is nowhere near the same as his response to anyone else in danger. Case in point in 4x14 is Bobby, he is inside, probably injured, in a fire with a gunman - if it was Eddie, Buck would have waited 0.1 seconds before he disappeared back into the flames to help Eddie.

With Bobby, he was calm, cool, calculated, he knew what Athena would do because that’s exactly what he would have done if it had been Eddie and he is ready with helpful details and a plan. He wants to go with her, but doesn’t argue when she says no.

Eddie is Buck’s Bobby, and it reflects all throughout this episode, and I think I had some parallels pointed out in 4x13 too. So I don’t know what scripts Tim reads or if we’re all watching the same show but buddie exists and thriving as far as I’m concerned.

Buck is also the one to pick Eddie up at the hospital - he tells him that the nurse is getting his meds and discharge papers ready, which means that Buck did all that process, he was busy getting Eddie discharged. (Take a moment to soak it in.)😌

Eddie sits Buck down to talk, to be honest this talk went pretty much the way I expected it.

Eddie explains why he had his will updated, and that Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happens to Eddie. - I love that after all this time, sweet Buck is still surprised.

He asks if Eddie didn’t need his consent for this and Eddie’s reply is: “My attorney said you could refuse.”

I also love, that even shell-shocked, Buck knows that Eddie knows him “You know I wouldn’t.”

And Eddie assures him that he does in fact know Buck, and he knows that Buck loves Christopher as much as Eddie does “I know you wouldn’t.”

(”I had to do it.” - “Yeah, I know you did.” this was a call back to 4x05 where Eddie understood why Buck did what he did. And knowing what we know now, I can assume that even though Eddie understood and forgave Buck, he didn’t have to like it.)

“No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” - call back to 3x03 anyone?

“There’s no one I trust with my son more than you.” - and Eddie proves it time and again.

And here he is basically giving Buck permission to give hell to his parents or anyone who tries to take Christopher away from His Buck. - And I love it!! 🤗❤

Buck, smart, handsome guy that he is, asks the right question again - “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because Evan.” That first name that even took Buck by surprise, because Eddie only ever called him Buck, to our knowledge anyway. - Eddie was talking to Evan Buckley, not Buck, and yes they are two separate entities living inside one hunky firefighter. - This is Eddie saying, I know you’re frayed around the edges, I know I’m asking for a lot right now but I need you to hear me.

“You came in here the other day and you said it would have been better if you who were the one who was shot,” and I think for Eddie, who was lying on that firetruck floor bleeding out, and his only concern was that Buck may have been hurt, that was the worst thing Buck could have said.

“you act like you’re expandable but you’re wrong.”

Eddie has been where Buck is at that moment, losing his wife, watching his best friend nearly die time and again. - Really at this point Eddie just wants him safe, and if telling him about Christopher is what will do the trick, then he is not above playing dirty.

Eddie is telling Buck, you are my partner, you are Christopher's second parent, I love you, Christopher loves you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. - Because Eddie has been without Buck before and he was completely lost. - And that’s before they became even more intertwined as they are now.

I love the second before Buck and Eddie enter, Eddie’s house, before Buck opens the door, Eddie looks like he’s steeling himself to get in and Buck has a knowing grin on his face, somewhere between ‘ready?’ and ‘they’re happy you’re back be nice.’ 👀😂

I hated the jump forward, but everyone standing on the roof looking good and Eddie with those sunglasses? wow!! 🥵🤩

This was an all out buddie episode, and I was totally there for it!! I really hope for many more, because these two give me life!!

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #LIs who?#christopher diaz #buck is christopher’s second dad #it's pretty much canon now #buddie and bathena parallels #call back #9-1-1 4x14 #9 1 1 on fox #9-1-1 on fox #9 1 1 spoilers #❤❤❤

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nikkoliferous · 4 years ago

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Phase One: Avengers (Part One)

With everything being about the LOKI series right now and me dreading it, I figured I'd distract myself by finally posting my thoughts on the Phase One: Avengers novel, which I seem to recall somehow being way worse than the Thor novel? I'm not completely convinced this thing wasn't ghostwritten by Taika Waititi; that's all I'm saying. Anyways, here we go.

(Quick note: please be aware that this overview is significantly Thor-critical. If that sort of thing bothers you, I do not recommend proceeding. You've been warned. Lol)

Let's start off with a friendly reminder that SHIELD had four hours to evacuate before Loki showed up, shall we?

Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from the Tesseract four hours ago,” Coulson was saying.

“I didn’t approve going to testing,” Fury said.

Coulson nodded. “He wasn’t testing it. He wasn’t even in the room. Spontaneous event.”

So either they're grossly incompetent or grossly negligent, but either way those deaths are on them at least as much as they're on Loki. If not more so.

“It just turned itself on?” Hill sounded skeptical. Fury, as usual, was less interested in how they’d gotten there than in what they were going to do next.

[...]

Selvig acknowledged him briefly and then returned his attention to the monitoring equipment. “Director, the Tesseract is misbehaving.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“No, it’s not funny at all. The Tesseract is not only active, she��s… behaving.”

Fury didn’t comment on the doctor characterizing the Tesseract as female. He also wasn’t interested in Selvig’s notions about its personality. It didn’t have a personality. It was a cube containing energy, and all Nick Fury wanted was to know how to control that energy. “I assume you pulled the plug.”

Fury having no intellectual curiosity explains a lot, tbh. Like how he thinks Loki "kills because it's fun", even though nothing about their prior interaction indicates that. Like, at all. Loki killed only the agents who were attacking him. Because he felt threatened. If he indeed killed for the fun of it, he would have taken them all out and been done with it. Doing so would have both entertained him and made for a much smoother getaway.

“She’s an energy source. We turn off the power, she turns it back on. If she reaches peak level—”

“We prepared for this, Doctor. Harnessing energy from space.”

“We’re not ready. My calculations are far from complete. And she’s throwing off interference radiation.”

Fury watched the Tesseract in its circular containment shell. Eight separate energy sensors built into a frame supporting that shell were designed to measure and conduct that energy. Those sensors in turn rested on stainless-steel support scaffolding. The whole setup sprouted cables and conduits. These were there to supply energy to the Tesseract in a controlled fashion so Dr. Selvig could analyze its reactions. Now they were all shut down, as Dr. Selvig had said, but even so, the Tesseract glowed with a fierce blue energy. It was starting to spill onto the sensors, arcing like electricity. But it wasn’t electricity. It was something much more exotic.

I also find it curious/amusing/something that Fury later accuses Loki of "stealing a force [he] can't hope to control". YOU'RE DESCRIBING YOURSELF, NICK. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T CONTROL IT AND HAS BEEN ARROGANTLY PRETENDING YOU CAN.

The man looked up at them and smiled as he stood. He was not a large man, not remarkable in any particular way. He had long black hair and wore black leather clothing, similar to what Fury was wearing. However, he wasn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Fury didn’t know where he had come from.

I beg to fucking differ lmao

Fury had the Tesseract in a steel carrying case and was taking a step toward the door when the stranger turned to him and said, “Please don’t. I still need that.”

Kudos to Loki for not forgetting his princely manners even while completely off his rocker. Lol

“This doesn’t have to get any messier,” Fury said. He glanced quickly around, trying to figure the fastest way out.

“Of course it does,” the stranger said. “I’ve come too far for anything else.”

TELL US WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH, LOKI. INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.

“Loki?” Dr. Selvig said. He stood up from helping one of his fellow doctors, who was barely conscious. “Brother of Thor?”

“We have no quarrel with your people,” Fury said.

Loki acknowledged Selvig and then returned his attention to Fury.

By "acknowledged", the author means he rolled his eyes so hard he saw his own brain lmao

“I come with glad tidings,” Loki said. “Of a world made free.”

“Free from what?” Fury asked.

Turning back to him, Loki said simply, “Freedom. Freedom is life’s great lie. Once you accept that in your heart…” As he spoke the word “heart,” he turned and touched Selvig’s chest with the tip of his scepter, just as he had with Hawkeye. Selvig gasped, and the same change came over his face that Fury had seen in Hawkeye’s. “You will know peace.”

He's not simply deranged, you know. For Loki, this is actually true. He has never been free in his entire life, and won't be at any point after this either. Yes, there was also the torture and the mind control at play, but even underneath all that, is it any wonder he was vulnerable to the Thanos cult's brainwashing?

Hawkeye had been looking around the complex. Now he stepped up to Loki. “Sir, Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow and drop a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us.”

Loki looked back at Fury, who said, “Like the pharaohs of old.”

“He’s right, the portal is collapsing in on itself!” Selvig called out from the monitors. “We’ve got maybe two minutes before this goes critical.”

Friendly reminder, once again, that Loki wasn't even aware the PEGASUS facility was on the verge of collapsing—let alone the cause of it.

“Well then,” Loki said. He glanced over at Hawkeye.

Without a word, Hawkeye drew his gun and shot Nick Fury once, dead center in the chest.

Two things:

1) Every time I see this scene in gifs, all I can think of is, "Pull the lever, Kronk." 🤣

2) So how does the direct mind control of the sceptre work anyway? Because Loki never actually gives Barton a command here. So does he sometimes communicate with his minions telepathically (sort of like The Other does with him), or does Barton just intuit his intent here, or what?

Maria Hill saw Hawkeye come out of the lab into the garage with Selvig, a liaison officer, and a stranger carrying a spear. He looked more like one of the people they’d been recruiting into the Avengers Initiative than an ordinary technician or S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. “Who's that?” she asked.

*sigh* In a just MCU, this would have been foreshadowing.

She jumped into a jeep and headed after them. Other S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicles followed, filled with agents. They roared along the underground access road that led up to the surface in the New Mexico desert. She was gaining on them and firing as she drove. Sooner or later, she’d be close enough to have a good shot at the stranger.

He had other ideas, though. When he saw the pursuing convoy get too close, he pointed his scepter at them. The tip of it flared bright blue, and a bolt of energy lashed out from it, striking the vehicle in front of Hill and shattering the right side of its passenger compartment. The vehicle slewed around and flipped, rolling and landing sideways across the road. They were blocked.

Interesting of Loki to go for the passenger compartment instead of the driver. Was anyone even sitting there? Just one more example in a long string of Loki being inexplicably merciful to his enemies, I guess. 🤷

They got around ahead of the truck, and Fury leaned out of the helicopter’s side door. He fired, emptying his clip. He could tell from the sparks that some of the bullets had hit, but he was too far away to see if they’d done any damage.

His real target was Loki, but he was protected by the cab of the truck. Fury couldn’t get a good shot at him.

Did Fury already forget that Loki is bulletproof, or...? I mean, I guess that's fair. Earlier, Hawkeye goes to draw his sidearm only minutes after the narration points out that the bullets already fired at Loki had bounced away harmlessly.

Leaning over the truck’s roof and keeping low, however, Loki could get a good shot at the helicopter. A blue bolt lanced out and struck the helicopter’s rotor assembly. All the control mechanisms went haywire, and the helicopter spiraled down out of the sky. The truck drove underneath them as they were about to crash, close enough that Fury could see the gloating expression on Loki’s face.

Haha, good for him.

“Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me,” she said.

“Oh, I’ve got Stark,” Coulson said. “You’ve got the big guy.”

Oh, Natasha thought. That big guy. She said something in Russian. It wasn’t polite.

This has nothing to do with Loki. It just made me laugh.

Nick Fury had called an emergency meeting of the World Security Council. They needed to know what had happened with the Tesseract, and they needed to know what he planned to do about it. He brought up holographic images of all the WSC members, with their faces and locations hidden. He did not know who they were, but S.H.I.E.L.D. reported to them.

Well, that doesn't sound problematic at all, does it?

“The Avengers Initiative was shut down.”

“This isn’t about the Avengers.” That wasn’t strictly true, but Nick Fury was no idiot. He wasn’t going to show all his cards to the World Security Council when he didn’t even know who they were.

I'm glad he at least recognizes the stupidity of working for people he doesn't know, but uh... debatable, otherwise. Lol

“This isn’t about personality profiles anymore,” Coulson said. He wasn’t giving up, and that irritated Tony even more than the fact he’d showed up right when the celebration of Stark Tower was supposed to be starting.

*cough*DIVA*cough*

Loki watched Dr. Erik Selvig work, preparing the Tesseract for the next phase of his plan. Technicians and soldiers scurried about on various errands. Loki did not know the details and did not care. They were beneath him. He had his eye solely on the greater prize. It was time to consult with the Chitauri and begin the next phase of the preparations.

Really? You expect me to believe that Loki, the master tactician with "a cunning mind far exceeding Thor and Odin’s", couldn't be bothered to know the details of his own plan? Um, how about no?

Deep space and a field of stars surrounded this rocky world. Pale blue lights glowed where the Chitauri had built their fortress. They gleamed in a set of stairs that climbed to the topmost tower. That was where Loki had made his bargain with the Chitauri: They would be his army and he would open a path to Earth for them. Once Earth was his, and Asgard as well, he would turn the Tesseract over to them.

At least that was what he had promised.

1) Who said anything about Asgard...?

2) Indicator that Loki never planned on actually turning over the Tesseract? I don't know why you'd include this line otherwise.

“Let them gird themselves,” he said. “I will lead them in glorious battle.”

“Battle?” the Chitauri warrior snorted. “Against the meager might of Earth?”

“Glorious,” Loki repeated. “Not lengthy. If your force is as formidable as you claim.”

He had intended to anger the Chitauri, and he had succeeded.

Personally, I saw this less as intending to anger and more as "Loki has no self-preservation instinct and literally cannot help himself". What's to be gained by intentionally pissing off The Other here?

“You don’t have the Tesseract yet.” The Chitauri leader rushed at Loki and stopped just short of him, claws raised. Loki did not move.

“I don’t threaten,” he said, though he was doing exactly that.

LOL

The Chitauri leader backed down but only a step. “You will have your war, Asgardian,” he growled. Then he too decided to make a threat. “If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he cannot find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.”

Loki flashed back into his awareness of Earth. He took a deep breath. The Chitauri did not frighten him… but he would have been a fool if he had not possessed a healthy respect for their leader, the mad Titan known as Thanos. For it was Thanos who had given Loki the scepter, and Thanos who had rallied the Chitauri to Loki’s cause… and Thanos who wished to possess the Tesseract for his own monstrous ends. One did not bargain lightly with Thanos—and one certainly did not fail to meet the terms of such a bargain.

Love how this book just repeatedly glosses over the obvious fact that Loki was tortured. In the first chapter, it makes zero mention of his stumbling or other signs of being weakened. Here, it completely omits the pain WE ALL SAW The Other inflict on him. Fuck this narrator, seriously.

Steve had a moment to look around. The commanding officer appeared to be a woman with short dark hair reeling off orders from near the center of the bridge. “S.H.I.E.L.D. Emergency Protocol 193.6 in effect,” she was saying after a series of status orders and acknowledgments. Steve didn’t know what protocol that was. At the moment, all he knew was that he was on a flying aircraft carrier… and wasn’t that enough? Amazing.

[....]

The Helicarrier disappeared from view. From the inside, it didn’t look any different, but Steve saw monitors from satellite feeds, and on those, the Helicarrier had simply become invisible. He corrected himself: He wasn’t just on a flying aircraft carrier. He was on an invisible flying aircraft carrier. The future was pretty… cool, was the word everyone used now.

I'm not the biggest Steve fan, but I will admit to finding his childlike awe over the Helicarrier slightly adorable. Lol

Side note: is someone on this thing coordinating with Air Traffic Control? I... really hope so.

“What did it show you, Agent Barton?”

Barton turned to look at Loki. “My next target,” he said.

Loki nodded. “Tell me what you need.”

Barton took one his bows out of a case and snapped it into shape with a flick of his arm. “I need a distraction,” he said. “And a biometric ID.”

Why the change from "eyeball", I wonder? Seems random. Lol

Inside, Loki had been mingling with the crowd, taking on the appearance of an ordinary man with a walking stick. But as the president of the museum, one Doktor Heinrich Schäfer, began his welcoming speech, Loki decided it was time to make a dramatic entrance. He tapped the walking stick on the floor and it became his scepter. Immediately, to get the crowd’s attention, he aimed it at the nearest museum security guard and fired.

This... didn't happen?? At all??

Loki strode the rest of the way down the stairs and manhandled Schäfer over to a stone altar that was one of the museum’s prized ancient Norse relics. He slammed Schäfer onto his back, forcing a machine over his face. Schäfer cried out in pain and surprise as the machine shone blinding light into his face, holding his eyes open.

On the one hand, confirmation that Loki did not actually shred this dude's eye and he's probably fine. On the other hand, the author completely made up what just happened literally two sentences ago, so their credibility is a little suspect at the moment. Lol

A police car, alerted by the commotion, raced toward him. He blasted it with his scepter, and it spun out of control and crashed.

ACAB!

The crowd froze. Slowly the crowd knelt, and Loki reveled in their submission. “There,” he said. “Is this not simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.”

He's talking about himself here. We all get that, right?

An old man in the middle of the crowd stood. Loki paused in his speech to regard this individual. Around him, all the copies of himself also looked at this old man.

“Not to men like you,” the old man said.

“There are no men like me,” Loki said.

No lies detected.

But Loki was tougher than he looked. He struck back with the scepter, forcing Captain America to parry until Loki found an opening and slammed the butt of the scepter into Captain America’s midsection, knocking him down. Captain America threw the shield again, but this time Loki was ready. He knocked it aside. It fell ringing to the stones of the plaza, and Loki had the tip of the scepter against the back of Captain America’s neck before the soldier could get back to his feet.

Correction: If he'd actually been trying to win, he would have used the tip. (Narrator: he was not trying to win).

A sudden storm rose around the Quinjet. Natasha looked at the instrument panel. There’d been no warning of heavy weather. “Where’s this coming from?” she wondered out loud.

At first, she thought that Loki was responsible. But that didn’t appear to be the case. He looked more nervous than anyone else on the jet.

Loki has Thor-induced PTSD. Understandable, tbh.

Thor let Loki fall well before they got to the ground.

Because Thor is an asshole.

So hey, as long as we're here, let's review how each member of Loki's family responds to the realisation that he's survived his suicide attempt.

Thor- manhandles him, angrily demands to know where the Tesseract is

Odin- refuses to even use his name, implies he should have either slaughtered him as an infant or left him to die

Frigga- tells him not to make things worse (fucking rich coming from the woman who exacerbated his trauma immeasurably by thrusting the throne upon him when he was at his most vulnerable)

Wild, man. I wonder why Loki's convinced his family doesn't give a shit about him. They seem like such loving people to me.

“I remember a shadow,” Loki said bitterly. “Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I who was and should be king!”

Because you would have destroyed Asgard, Thor thought. Just to impress our father, you would have annihilated all the Nine Realms. “So you took the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No. The Earth is under my protection, Loki.”

1) Actually, he was trying to save Asgard... from a war that YOU started, numbnuts. He went about it all wrong because he was having a fucking mental breakdown, but at no stage did he even really endanger Asgard, let alone come close to destroying it.

2) Um, what? Where the fuck in Loki's plan was annihilating anything other than Jötunheim? I see Thor shares his friends' impressive conclusion-jumping skills. Not surprising.

3) Thor, I mean this truly and without reservation: go fuck yourself.

Loki chuckled. “And you’re doing a marvelous job with that. The humans slaughter each other in droves while you idly fret. I mean to rule them, and why should I not?”

He... has a point.

“You think yourself above them?”

“Well, yes.”

At least Loki is honest about his condescension, Thor. You should try it sometime.

Suddenly furious, Loki raged at Thor. “I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile. I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it—”

“Who showed you this power?” Thor interrupted. “Who controls the would-be king?”

And he will never bring this up again. Ever.

Stepping right up to his brother, Thor shouted back. “Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this poisonous dream!” Then he softened. “You come home.”

“I don’t have it,” Loki said. Furious, Thor brought Mjolnir to his hand, ready for battle.

Thor's sort of a one-solution kind of guy, huh? Somebody help me out here, because he's "changed" but his first instinct when he's not getting his way is still to react with intimidation and violence. Funny how that works.

Tony braked and skidded to a halt as the Asgardian rolled away from him, tearing up trees and brush as he went. He got to his feet and extended a warning hand. “Do not touch me again,” he said.

Oh, what's the matter, Thor? Do you not like being manhandled? That's weird because you sure do seem to enjoy doing the manhandling. 😕

“If he gives up the cube, he’s all yours. Until then…” Tony’s faceplate clamped back down. “Stay out of the way.”

He turned to walk back to a place where he could make a clean takeoff. “Tourist,” he muttered.

That was the last straw, apparently, because the next thing Tony knew, the Asgardian’s hammer had hit him about as hard as he’d ever been hit in his life. The force of the blow carried him through the trunk of a tree and laid him out flat in the dirt.

Please note that Thor was not being attacked. He once again used offensive violence against someone who hurt his feelbads. "Changed", my rear.

“Then prove it,” Cap said. “Put that hammer down.”

“Uh, no, bad call,” Iron Man said. “He loves his hammer—”

The Asgardian interrupted Tony by smashing him out of the way with a backhand swing. “You want me to put the hammer down?” he roared, and leaped high into the air, bringing his hammer down toward Captain America.

And again—not in any immediate danger, simply reacting with violence to something that made him angry.

“Oh, I’ve heard. A mindless beast. Makes play he’s still a man. How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?”

“How desperate am I?” Fury echoed. He walked slowly over the catwalk to stand in front of Loki. “You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can’t hope to control. You talk about peace, but you kill because it’s fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.”

This is called 'projection', kids. Projection, and making up stories about your enemies so they're easier to hate. Fury needs to show his work.

Loki knew he had been heard throughout the ship. He could hear the echoes of the speakers, and even if he had not, he always knew when people were listening to him. That was part of his power, to make them listen… and to make each of them hear something just a little different. Just what he wanted them to hear.

This doesn’t mean anything, does it??

Perhaps he was in a cage right now, but he had been in cages before. Not once had one been able to hold him for long.

This... has to be a reference to his time with the Black Order, right? There's certainly no basis for such a statement pre-2011.

Or the author is just on crack. That's very possible.

Thor took a step toward Bruce. “Have a care how you speak,” he warned. “Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard… and he is my brother.”

“He killed eighty people in two days,” Natasha pointed out.

Citation needed, please.

“Well, I promise a stress-free environment. No tension, no surprises…” As he spoke, Tony walked behind Bruce and gave him a little zap with an electrical instrument.

“Ow!” Bruce said.

Tony looked closely at him. “Nothing?” He’d been testing Bruce to see how well he controlled the Hulk. The little shock hadn’t provoked any kind of unusual reaction, which Tony seemed to find a little disappointing.

Ok, but what exactly was Tony's plan if Bruce had Hulked out here? lmao

“Steve,” Bruce said, “tell me none of this smells a little funky to you.”

Cap looked back and forth between the two scientists. Bruce could tell he was struggling with something… but he also wasn’t going to share it. He was too much of a good soldier for that.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

“Yeah. I’ll read all about it.”

“Or you’ll be suiting up with the rest of us.”

Bruce shook his head with a regretful smile. “No, see, I don’t get a suit of armor. I’m exposed. Like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.”

Bruce has BPD. Lol

No, you guys don't understand. That's literally what it feels like.

Thor watched over Coulson’s shoulder as the agent showed him S.H.I.E.L.D.’s current files on Jane Foster. When he had learned that Loki had captured Erik Selvig, his first thought had been of Jane. Thor had destroyed the Bifrost to save the Nine Realms, but he had also cut himself off from her… or so he had thought. It was a terrible decision to make, sacrificing love for duty—yet Thor had done it. If necessary, he would do it again. He hoped it would not be necessary, though, and that was one reason why he had asked Coulson about Jane.

Oh my god, Thor. You spent like, three days with her, max. And people call Loki the dramatic one...

Thor looked out into the sky, gathering his thoughts. “When I first came to Earth,” he went on, “Loki’s rage followed me here, and your people paid the price. Now, again. In my youth, I courted war.”

“War hasn’t started yet,” Fury said.

1) Correction: when your daddy threw you to Earth like a sack of trash down a cosmic garbage chute. You were not here on vacation, bro.

2) No, Loki's rage followed your treasonous friends.

3) LAST YEAR. YOUR 'YOUTH' WAS LAST YEAR.

4) *committed mass murder over an insult

“You think you could make Loki tell us where the Tesseract is?”

This possibility hadn’t occurred to Thor. “I do not know,” he said. “Loki’s mind is far afield. It’s not just power he craves. It’s vengeance, upon me. There’s no pain that would pry that need from him.”

1) Opposing Thor = being crazy. Noted.

2) Not everything is about you, buddy. At the risk of repeating myself, this is the guy I'm supposed to believe learned humility? Really? Where?

3) Please note that Thor does not object to torturing Loki because it's immoral or because the thought of hurting Loki pains him. He objects because he doesn't believe it will work.

Thor held Fury’s gaze. It was not the first time he had looked at a one-eyed man who posed him a difficult question. “What are you asking me to do?” he asked, wanting Fury to be clear and to own his words.

“I’m asking what you are prepared to do,” Fury said quietly.

“Loki is a prisoner,” Thor said. He thought Fury was testing him, seeing if he would violate his ideals to find out something they all needed to know. But Thor would not.

"I'm okay with physically assaulting prisoners if they make me mad, but I suddenly draw the line at torture. Even though my 'ideals' didn't appear to be a concern two sentences ago."

If I feel like being generous to Thor, maybe he initially hoped Fury would back off if he just said torture wouldn't work, and then Thor wouldn't have to risk appearing... soft? Weak? I don't know.

“But you figured I’d come,” she said.

“After,” Loki said. “After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate.” It was a typical approach. Cause misery, and then let someone appear as a friendly face. The miserable person would say anything to keep this friend. Loki had seen strong men break this way, many times.

I'm not sure why the author felt the need to depersonalize this by talking about other men. Loki knows this experience intimately. It's what he's endured his entire life at the hands of his "loving" family. The torture just wasn't physical then as far as we know.

An interesting story, Loki thought. She has much to atone for. He could hear some of her memories, from before her first encounter with Barton. Little girl, he thought, you’ve done some very bad things. And now you think you owe Clint Barton your life… but there is more to it. Loki could tell there was something in her mind that he was not quite uncovering. He pushed a little more.

Is... is this text implying that Loki can read people's minds/memories even without touching them?

“Can you?” he asked. “Can you wipe out that much red?” He listed for her some of the things he knew she had done. “Dreykov’s daughter… São Paulo… the hospital fire? Barton told me everything.” This was a lie. Barton had told Loki certain things about Romanoff, but he was also guessing some others.

He... guessed the details of these very specific incidents? What? lmao

He pushed ahead. Now that he understood her, he could break her. “Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? Pathetic. You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors, but they are part of you and they will never go away.”

He's talking about himself again. 🥺

For some reason, this book skips right over the part where Loki threatens both Barton's and Natasha's lives. Not sure why; the author clearly has no problem depicting Loki as an unhinged psychopath most of the time. Oh well, whatevs.

Loki couldn’t understand how she had gathered her composure so quickly—and then he did understand. She was a superb actress! Or not even an actress, for he could see through a conscious performance. She was something else. She had been broken down and remade so many times, with so many identities, that she could put them on and take them off at will. And Loki had gotten lost in those emotional costume changes.

He had been outwitted by a mortal. Unthinkable.

Yeah, phew, it's a good thing Natasha figured it out in time. Otherwise, something terrible might have happened—like Bruce Hulking out and rampaging through the Helicarrier. Oh, wait...

“I was wrong, Director,” Cap said. “The world hasn’t changed a bit.” He looked angry and disappointed. Captain America was a big believer in shooting straight and telling the truth. He didn’t like spies and he didn’t like lies, and now he saw he was knee-deep in both.

This novel's hero worship of Steve Rogers is going to kill me. 🙄

“I’d like to know why S.H.I.E.L.D. is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction,” Bruce finished.

“Because of him,” Fury said, pointing at Thor.

“Me?”

“Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town,” Fury said. “We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned.”

Has anyone figured out yet how this line doesn't conflict with Captain Marvel? Is Fury lying to hide her existence for some reason? Or is this just one of those things that we're supposed to shrug and pretend wasn't retconned?

“A nuclear deterrent,” Tony said. “Because that always calms everything right down.”

“Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark,” Fury said coldly.

On the one hand, yes, good point. But on the other hand, he... stopped making them? So clearly, he no longer thinks they are a good thing?

And also, not to gloss over his past sins, but wasn't Tony born rich? Lol

“I thought humans were more evolved than this,” Thor commented.

Tony turned on Thor. “Excuse me, did we come to your planet and blow stuff up?”

Didn't Fury say this in the movie? Why did the author give the line to Tony instead? There are all these... weird changes in the story that are so minor I have no idea why the author made them. Very confusing.

Just like that, all of them were arguing. Cap and Tony were nose to nose, while Bruce and Natasha fired remarks back and forth. Thor stood off to the side, contempt plain on his face.

'Cause he also thinks he's superior to humans. 🙃

Tony and Cap squared off over an argument that they couldn’t even remember starting. Tony was still mad about the last thing Cap had said to him… whatever it was.

In case there was any doubt about the sceptre being the reason everyone starts losing their shit with one another.

Cap stood his ground. “Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

Tony had an answer ready for this one. “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

Hey Steve? You know he invented the suit, right? Like. The suit is literally him.

“Put on the suit,” Cap said. “Let’s go a few rounds.”

Steve putting out big Joe Biden, "listen, fat..." energy here lmao

Thor laughed. “You people are so petty… and tiny.”

Thor, my dude. You literally started a war over being emasculated in front of your friends. I don't think you get to judge other people for being petty.

Fury could see things were spiraling out of control. He started trying to get them all back on track. “Agent Romanoff,” he said, “would you escort Dr. Banner back to—”

“Where?” Bruce interrupted. “My room? You rented my room.”

Nobody had said it out loud, but they all knew the cell currently holding Loki was designed for the Hulk.

What was their plan for containing the Hulk if necessary after sticking Loki in his cage, anyway? Did they even have one?

“Dr. Banner,” Cap said. “Put down the scepter.”

Bruce looked down. He hadn’t even known he’d picked it up.

Why does that sound familiar...?

Even though he could see what was going on, the hostility in the air was still thick enough that Bruce didn’t know whether he could back everyone down… or whether he could back himself down. He could feel tension rising inside him. He could feel the monster trying to get loose.

And yet none of them so much as considers the idea that the sceptre might be having a similar effect on Loki? Ok then.

But even though he was now refocused on the mission, the others still bickered. Loki had gotten into their heads, sowing discord and setting them against each other.

lmao I'd just like to note that Loki didn't actually do anything. This was all them and the effects of just being near the sceptre. #ThanksLoki

“The Tesseract belongs to Asgard,” Thor said.

Why, though?

“I’ll go after it,” Tony said.

“No you don’t,” Cap said, stepping into his way. He wasn’t ready to forget the way Tony had insulted him.

Ok, first of all, you started it. But also, seriously, Steve, that's your number one priority right now? Earth's mightiest heroes, ladies and gentlemen... lol

I have apparently managed to hit the paragraph limit, so we'll return after this short break, I guess. 🙈

↪️ On to Part Two

#there is a lot of salt here please remember to drink plenty of water #loki meta #loki #thor #tony stark #steve rogers #bruce banner #natasha romanoff #clint barton #nick fury #avengers assemble #mcu #phase one: avengers #thor critical

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eyeballjazz · 3 years ago

Note

First of all I've been binge reading your fics whenever I get some free time so huge kudos to ya <3

Second, I've got a fun lil ask for ya: domestic headcanons for HB/PI and SS/DD :D

how do they share all their houses' chores? We all know HB is probably an amazing cook and DD looks like an organization freak but what about the rest? Does anyone besides HB knows how to cook a proper meal? We need to know!!

Well, hell!

First of all, thank you so much this is so sweet! Absolutely makes my day to know you’re enjoying my work. I hope you get lots more time to read soon, bro!

And second I’m about to go ON so I’ll chop the post here, but I’ve got headcanons old and new cooked up for you:

As I’m sure you’ve noticed I like writing about buildings so I can tell you exactly what everyone’s houses are like. The whole Crew lives across from each other on a block in the center of their territory, Slick and Droog in a Victorian townhouse and Hearts and Clubs in a duplex that’s broken into two railway style spaces. Slick would live shoebox if it was up to him, so thankfully Droog has very opinionated taste and likes spending his husband’s money enough to buy a whole antique for them to live in.

I don’t have to tell you that cooking is huge for the Crew. They’re a small family of Italian uncles, so cooking is a major factor of their lives.

As skill goes Droog is the best cook out of anyone. He’s self taught but for the very basics and some old family recipes his mother drilled into him back in Tuscany. And like everything with Droog, he’s someone who grew up dirt poor and now desperately wants to show off taste and affluence by being a highbrow snob. That means his skill for cooking has driven towards very elegant, subtle cuisine, lots of French influence (he says it must have been Italian, originally, but the French got famous for it somehow), and small portion size. Think of the fanciest restaurant you've ever been to and how teeny the serving sizes were and then imagine it was cooked by someone who is ferociously closeted and you’ve got it.

Despite all that, Droog has not had working taste buds in at least thirty years because he’s smoked two packs a day since he learned to walk. Slick, likewise, had a bad smoking habit and quit for the kids so he’s not swimming in buds either. Add to that the fact that he’s had his nose broken so many times he’s functionally lost his sense of smell and you’ve got a match made in heaven.

Lucky them, Karkat and Aradia get the spoils of Droog’s great cooking and are the picky eaters their fathers wished they could have been as boys. Droog is very proud to have snotty kids. So it is his great displeasure when, instead of having a single scallop lightly seared in browned butter then dusted with rosemary and thyme, the kids just want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But both happen regularly.

Hearts is a close second but of a very different school. He learned to cook primarily from his mother, who is a master of Southern cooking and made sure her boy knew how to do for himself before she let him leave her home. The rest he learned as a cook in the army, and then later from Droog after Hearts insisted he learn some real Italian recipes since his father never cooked when Hearts was a boy. Hearts still has a habit for cooking for a literal army and so he often cooks for the whole family.

His food is mostly soul food/American southern and he seasons hard and often. One might even say it is dangerously flavorful, and everyone agrees it is extremely fortifying. It’s even strong enough to get through to Droog, who can (with the addition of hot sauce) taste it and secretly wishes Hearts would offer to teach him a thing or two.

Too willful to learn, Slick is a very low third place. He doesn’t care about food much and burns most things he tries to cook out of impatience. Plus, he hasn’t needed to learn since he married Droog so why start now?

Pickle Inspector, dead last, can’t so much as fry an egg. He loves food and knows the locations and operating hours of every restaurant and pub and gas station hot bar in the city. But cooking itself eludes him. He does occasionally try to go vegetarian but folds immediately when offered the chance to have a big beautiful meal he didn’t have to cook himself.

This matches up perfectly with Hearts’s master plan, which is to feed Pickle Inspector to within an inch of his life. And Pickle, like a stray cat, loves the attention and knows where the free food is. Hearts insists he’s too skinny and will often say ‘Just have a little,’ and then hand him a plate with half a lasagna on it.

HBPI is a ‘you cook, I clean’ split. Self conscious of his lack of cooking knowledge Pickle does every dish in the house whenever he sneaks in (read: breaks in) to spend time with Hearts and Tavros. And very often when he breaks in he tries to carve out some time to spend playing DnD with Tavros, with an ambition to get him and Hearts in a game so they can show Hearts a more kinetic version of fantasy than having a read a lot of books by nudists from the 60’s.

Because they may or may not be out as a couple to the Crew, Pickle and Hearts don’t get to spend a lot of time out on Hearts’s front porch together, although kicking back on the porch is one of Hearts’s favorite things to do. But, every so often, they take their coffee together out on the porch way before anyone else is awake. They watch the city all in blue together, right before the sunrise.

SSDD and chores are much more complicated.

Droog is fastidious, meticulous, and intense about cleaning. He also uses it to avoid or ignore any emotions he may be feeling so their Victorian is constantly spotless. Droog does all the kitchen chores, all the rewarding dusting of art pieces, mantles, and mirrors, and looks after the kids to make sure they learn how to keep their own spaces clean.

He dumps all the chores where you actually chance getting dirty on Slick. Taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathrooms, washing the cars, touching anything weird, bugs, that’s all Slick.

Slick also looks after their garden, not for any love of plants but because he’s gotten himself into an all out war with a warren of rabbits that want to eat Droog’s spices and tomatoes. The war has been multi-generational for the rabbits and they’re too invested to pull out now. Slick is the only person who really looks after the garden, Droog assumes ownership of the plants but doesn’t care about them beyond having fresh basil to cook with.

Slick’s contempt for the bunnies and ferocity in keeping his husband’s plants alive have made him an unwitting expert on what a good spice garden needs. Like Droog, his feelings for the whole thing aren’t tied to love for the plants but instead pride and anger. Droog, meanwhile, loves seeing Slick do violence in his name and will often watch his tantrums in the backyard whenever one of the tomato plants gets chewed up.

Whew, this got long quick. Since it’s already so long, I’ll leave you with one more hc which is that Pickle Inspector knows how to juggle. Thank you again for the great questions, this was so fun!!!

#the midnight crew #ssdd #hbpi #spades slick #diamonds droog #hearts boxcars #pickle inspector #the intermission #I fucking love domesticity bro I LOVE IT

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littleoddwriter · 3 years ago

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Hey Ronny! I just wanted to take a moment to say that I read your recent post about feeling frustrated and while as a fan of your work it made me sad, but as a fellow fic writer I understand.

I posted a fic on Ao3 not too long ago. It’s something like over 12,000 words, and while it’s gotten over a hundred views there’s been very little engagement. Only about a handful of kudos and one comment. Which has been my only comment since I joined the archive.

There’s nothing more discouraging than putting time and effort into a piece and then feeling like you’re basically tossing it into the void. I’ve been on the internet for a long long time and I remember the days where if you weren’t going to comment on a fic the very least you did was leave a like or share a link. Social media seems to have really changed the overall consensus on that, and it starts to feel like you’re more like a content farm than a writer after awhile.

You wouldn’t be the first fic author I know of who’s closed their requests because of something like this, and I’d like to just say that no matter what choice you make, you should do whatever’s best for you and what makes you happy in your writing. Creating fics should be something that brings joy into your life, not something that drains you.

Thank you so much for all the good things you’ve brought into fandom with your writing. You truly offer such a unique and meaningful voice for a lot of readers. You bring such imagination and skill to each request, and you deserve to be appreciated properly for that.

Whatever happens going forward I’m still going to be excited to see what you post, requests or not. The day I found your blog was a lucky one for me indeed, and even if I’m too shy to come forward please know you’ve got a friend applauding you from the wings.

Sincerely, Torrance Anon

PS. Sorry for the whole novel here. To end on a positive note, I loved loved loved the HC list you did for Danny and Barba. I also wasn’t raised by good parents and struggle with a lot of the same things those two do when it comes to the possibility of raising a family, which might be why I subconsciously picked them! Everything you wrote gave me the warm fuzzies, and you got the details of their characters just right! Thank you for taking the time to create something so wonderful, it means so much <3

Hello there, Torrance Anon!

I'm sorry your fic didn't really get any engagement, thus far. You deserve better than that; especially after having put in so much time and effort (12k words is extremely impressive!!!). Comments are very rare on Ao3, unfortunately, it can be so disheartening.

Yes, exactly! I've been writing fics since 2013; and even though I was only a child, whose writing was utter garbage, I got way more feedback and general support than I do now. And it has just become a big issue with social media the way it is today. People also seem to not really understand how Tumblr actually works and that it lives off of reblogging content. The same way, most consumers of said content don't seem to really comprehend that feedback = motivation to continue.

Seriously, you're such a kind-hearted person, Torrance Anon; I deeply appreciate you. Thank you very much for telling me this. You're absolutely right, after all. And I'm already making plans to coordinate everything better next year, so that I'll be able to work on the fics I've been putting on hold - no matter if things change and my requests stay open, or not. And it means a lot to me to know that you'll have my back throughout, and that you value my work like this. I can't really express how happy it makes me, thank you so very much for everything. You're a gem! <3

PS. No need to apologise, it was a very nice message to wake up to this morning, and it made being conscious less dreadful, so thank you - from the bottom of my heart. :') <3 And thank you for your feedback! I'm so happy you liked the headcanons!!! I'm sorry you've grown up in such circumstances as well, it's not fair; and I wish you the absolute best. <3 Thank you again! I was very happy to fulfil your request, my friend. <3 :') <3

#putting my response under a cut because otherwise it is a long post fsjhdjkvffld #torrance anon #wonderful people #very wonderful people actually

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alexseanchai · 4 years ago

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Fanfic 2020 in Review

I got tagged by @kasienda @noirshitsuji and @marvelousmsmol and I am tagging whoever wants to play!

1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

*filters own works to complete and updated in 2020*

1 - 20 of 57 Works by AlexSeanchai

nope. *adds filter to include only works of at least 1000 words*

unless otherwise indicated, these are all Miraculous Ladybug:

“don’t bake it lying down”, post-reveal Marichat vs Felix Graham de Vanily

“veracity”, canon divergence from “Ladybug” featuring Mister Bug and Verity Queen (so also Marichat, I guess)

“(no request is too extreme, if) your heart is in your dream”, in which Hawkmoth wins, for the thirty seconds or so before Emilie saves Ladybug and Chat Noir’s lives

“tell me you love me and make me believe it”, in which trans girl Chatonne Noire ropes Ladybug into helping plan her civilian self’s escape slash social transition

“kingmaker, oathbreaker”, in which Hawkmoth wins and Emilie watches her son remove himself from the family

“stay and let me watch you break it down” (Twelve Dancing Princesses), a modern setting

“set a course for winds of fortune”, in which trans girl Chatonne Noire has already escaped and Gabriel and Nathalie are trying to bring Gabriel’s son home

“we ground love in a hopeless place”, in which post-reveal Marinette’s attempt to remain resolutely not in love with her partner dissolves like sugar in coffee when they start a pun war

“ring the bells that still can ring”, in which Alya is deeply confused about why Adrien and Marinette are planning a wedding when last night both were single

“burning wishes at both ends (the cold wind and long loud wail remix)”, in which Gabriel made a monkey’s paw wish and Emilie makes another

“words cannot espresso”, in which Marinette’s OC roommate is justifiably worried for Marinette’s safety, and meanwhile Adrien takes care of Marinette

“the compromise of truth” (the chronologically second-earliest part posted to date of nine lives, snake’s eyes), in which Adrien tells his friends how he won some freedom and respect from his father

“At The Present Time”, the Ladrien/Ladynoir marriage proposal follow-up to @art-deco-shrimp‘s “Your Presents Required”

“j'ai rêvé (so I don't have to dream alone)”, in which the events of canon must just have been a series of dream sequences, Marinette and Adrien both think, until they both arrive at Chloe’s Halloween masquerade dressed as themselves from the dreams

2) Number of words written:

ahahaha no. I am not counting all my scattered fic drafts and trying to figure out what I did and didn’t write in 2020. I refuse.

AO3 says I posted 162K in 2020. it is counting all of keeps you guessing (like any real love), which (a) I started posting in 2019 (b) is co-written by @galahadwilder; it is counting all of my meta snippets collection, much of which was written in 2019; it is counting the Vimeo passwords for my vids. but I probably cleared 150K by a safe margin.

3) Your most popular fic:

“veracity” has a four-digit kudos count, wow, when’d that happen? this is also the 2020 work with the most hits and the most bookmarks, but “tell me you love me” has four-thirds as many comments as its nearest competitor.

4) Your personal fav:

“cannot break us, not with a thousand swords”, no question about it. this is the one in which Ladybug proposes marriage to Chat Noir via Princess Bride meme on Tumblr. (if you intend to download the work or otherwise to consume it with creator style off, you want the accessible version instead of the primary version.)

5) Your fav scene:

aaaaaaaaa

—okay so this is cheating and I know it, since Uncertain Humors (the one where Marinette/Adrien is both Orpheus/Eurydice and Theseus/Ariadne) is nowhere near finished, never mind posted (maybe I'll get “Sanguine” done to post on my birthday?)

but it is still my favorite of the year. as you might guess from that description of the story, this scene has content notes for character death:

Hell is a maze. Marinette walks.

This acrid passage has little to see but damp stone, seeming blood-stained in the dim carmine light. At about the height of her heart, the faintly glowing thread cuts through the not-clammy air; it ought to be pulsing at the same rate as the heart it's bound to. She might be able to see her own reflection if she looked down at the open sewage pipe, or at one of the puddles that now and again she splashes through, dampening the canvas of her shoes. She might see reflected what's behind her.

She remembers Mme. Mendeleiev lecturing on human physiology. In healthy humans old enough to have learned how, urination is a voluntary action: one may not know which muscles one tenses and relaxes in order to do so, and probably isn't paying attention to those details when one is doing, but one has conscious control over whether one does. Usually. Stress and anxiety mean some people are unable to relax the relevant sphincter muscle and others are unable to stop themselves. It's voluntary for cats, too: it's one way they mark their territories. Cat-boys have other ways.

There is a moment in every human life when all one's muscles relax at once. Some Parisians have had several such moments.

The thread is braided with itself around her left fourth finger, rows of tiny red half-hitch knots, and falls loosely over the back of her hand to loop twice around her wrist. She holds it wrapped between the fingers of her right hand to keep it at a constant tension, as though knitting with this insubstantial thread, so fragile for something two (two dozen, two million) lives hang from—too thin to sew with, no thicker than one strand of his hair. As she walks, she winds it around and around and around her wrist.

Between her ring finger and her right hand, it loops twice.

Marinette's shoe lands in a puddle she didn't see. The rainwater splashes soundlessly onto her bare ankle and on the stone.

(With cat-like tread, upon our prey we steal— It's a very loud song.)

She walks on.

6) A fic or scene that challenged you:

where the firelight fades, no contest. this is the second story I’ve ever been able to stick with more than a couple hundred words past the 20K mark, but it’s easily the twentieth novel-length I’ve begun. (though also, you know that kedreeva post? well, 90K later, I’m less than 15K from completing this 10K fic! I think.) and I have been learning so much about long-form fiction.

there has also been a lot of weeping and tearing my hair. case in point: I just trashed the chapter 15 draft because I figured out the reason it wasn’t going anywhere! I can probably keep the first few hundred words of that draft without any editing, and another few hundred with some revision...

7) A line of writing you’re proud of:

from “j'ai rêvé (so I don't have to dream alone)”:

Everything about their partnership is fragments of sentences in the dream diary Adrien writes in ultraviolet pen. Disjointed flickers of thought even when examined under the black light he hides in the snack cabinet under packets of Super Yoyo sandwich cookies and bags of cheesy Monster Munch potato chips and boxes of petit écolier butter cookies (chocolat noir)—none of which explains the gym-socks smell. All fleeting incoherent flashes, invisible between the mundane lines of La Modification shelved at his bedside between Leroux and Dumas. None of it is solid. Adrien has more proof his room's haunted.

okay let me break this down for you!

* Adrien started a dream diary to make sense of the memories

* in invisible ink, in a book that (according to Wikipedia) is thematically appropriate and won’t (if Gabriel sees it) look like anything other than Adrien developing an interest in French literature

* shelved between Phantom of the Opera and The Three Musketeers

* look I didn’t come up with the name “black light”

* or “chocolat noir” for what English speakers call “dark chocolate”, or “petit écolier” (that is, “little schoolboy”) for that sort of butter cookie

* also not my fault that “chocolat noir” sounds remarkably like “Chat Noir”, which, attentive readers may have noticed, is not a name that appears in the story after the header and before Miraculous Cure

* I found the website of a store in Boston, Massachusetts that caters to French expats, and the yo-yo cookies and the monster chips were right there in the photos, y’all

* the snack stash and the black light live in the cabinet where, in canon, the Camembert lives; yes, that cheese smells in the real world like gym socks

* this story’s akuma was not able to affect anything but squishy human memory: nobody affected remembers anything about Ladybug or Chat Noir or Hawkmoth, not in any solid way, not even when they read news articles about the subject, and this includes Marinette and Adrien not being able to see or hear or remember their own kwamis—but you know what Adrien’s Insta post about his poltergeist and Adrien’s Insta post with the floating sock don’t show and don’t explicitly refer to?

* I love this paragraph so much (my housemates may have been lovingly mocking me over it)

8) A comment that touched you:

there are people (y’all know who you are) who said y’all are studying my style. I ded of blush.

9) Something that inspired your writing:

by volume of fic drafts that can be blamed on any particular person, the winner is probably @norakwami

10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

so that longest-story-ever-written record I set in 2007 with the 89.5K story that, till where the firelight fades, was the only story I’d gotten much past 20K?

I broke that fucking record!

and then I deleted the draft of firelight chapter 15 😭

11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I’m starting work on a fantasy novel, a Sleeping Beauty retelling in which I explore (among other things) the economic consequences of the king’s ordering all the spinning wheels burned, and I want to make significant progress on that. and I want to not make my hands any worse; I kind of need those!

(breaking news alert: bodies fucking suck. so does giving yourself repetitive stress injuries in doing one and a half to two people’s worth of work for an organization that was never ever going to pay you more than one person’s worth of pay.)

#by alexseanchai #miraculous ladybug #tag game

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likesrandomstuff · 3 years ago

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Omg i loved your list!!! It must've been a handful bc it was very thorough, diversified (in genres, year published/updated type of writing and even authors). And you said you were deep into the avalance tag in ao3, so you must've had a lot of work with these. You even included SMAUS!!! I totally forget about them, but they are super fun to read and the ones you selected are really good indeed! Kudos to you!!! Your whole list is AWESOME! And very entertaining tbh bc i was here waiting to see what fic you'd recommend lmaoo did not disappoint, let me tell you! T A S T E hahaha

But wait... You read You Are My Miracle in one go???? How far was it when you read it?? And YEAH once in a while we are hit with a 10k+ chapter and i LOVE IT! Hahahaha idek when i started, but maaan the slow burn kills me!!!! Good fic good fic.

And the HSAU MY BELOVED!!! that's the one you mentioned chapter 27 right? lol A Classic™️ can't express how in love i still am with this fic. It's long, and the slow burn seems even longer bc YOU JUST WANT THEM TO KISS 😭 (and its so worth it when the do!!!). And I loved even more the other fic with Jordan (it's Impossible to not like her!!) but mostly bc when I joined the fandom the HSAU was wrapping up and when i first read it it was already finished. And to follow a fic since the fists chapters, waiting for a new update... I just love it! And the whole story is INCREDIBLE!!! One of my top faves for sure.

The SQ au is also one of my faves, even though ive never shipped sq. And you are right, Lucy knows what she's doing lmao one of the firsts i read for avalance and its amazing amazing amazing!!

There's another one that's one of my favs and I belive it's the very first avalance fic I read (bc i was familiar with the author's works from another fandom): I See My Future in Your Eyes by lizardwriter. Another really great HSAU!! (Also Stuck With You is totally worth the read!!)

Anyways, loved your list and the way you organized it. So fun to be on this journey with you even though i just sat back waiting for your posts and sometimes forgetting to read them 🙈 hahaha

❤️ The Word doc I organised it in is 9 pages and almost 4,500 words. Would not have survived if I didn't edit in there. Just for general reading I filter AO3 into different length fics, and then sort by kudos, so I've probably read the description of most of the fics in the tag over the years. The list was from my own 109 pages of history, not the tag, so I was choosing things I've read. It wasn't a conscious thought to have such a range, really it was looking at my history, and what did I enjoy.

I love the concept of SMAU, and they really get lost to history. Unless you find them by accident, which I did for the first plinys one, there's a high chance you don't know they were a thing. I was following a bunch in early 2019 (that was longer ago than I thought), but plinys was the only one who I saw complete their's, and I know how to find them again, as I also do not have twitter.

The process was worth it if you enjoyed it. Also making my life easier; re-read Better than Ice Cream last night, and was so easy to find.

You're My Miracle was a couple of weeks worth of reading, I think. I keep some of my AO3 update emails (for my Favourites as it makes me happy), and the first one I have for that fic is Chapter 28. I was up-to-date by then. That was published August 1st 2019, which is now also a long time ago.

you make me smile (please stay for a while) was one hit. As I wrote, I read the first chapter when it was published, and the prequel one-shot, back in 2018. Got so irrationally mad about Laurel, and stopped. Not long after I went back to only really reading Supercorp fics. I read the whole thing Feb/March last year. And yes, that is the Chapter 27 I mentioned. For me, I love them both so, so much but this is the way that we love (like it's forever) pips HSAU for me. The scene that had me crying at work was when Amaya and Sara were talking about how the legends fell apart after Sara left; that was my school friends after I moved away for uni. I was the only one to move away straight after school, and I was only 2 hours away. I thought all my friends were catching up without me, but they weren't. There's some guilt in that, feeling like you're the reason why people weren't seeing each other, which I hadn't identified, even after they called me 'the glue' of our group at my 21st, until I read that scene.

Ohh, I'll give that a try! Thanks. I've seen it before, but haven't given it a chance. Stuck With You is grey-ed out, so I guess I've read it at some stage. There's always going to be gems that you didn't see when they were new, and don't know to dig for. That's what I'm hoping I've done for people with my lists.

Organising things is a favourite past-time of mine. The amount of time I've spent on my bookshelves, both books and Pops!, is probably more than I should, but I'm very proud of them. If only there was an easy way to get hard copies of fics to display...

You've been my partner in feels for this, and for that I'm very thankful. :)

#the only downside is that I'm now super behind in shows #three episodes behind on Stargirl #and there's new Supergirl and What if? today too #everything bar Legends is new on my Wednesday #and behind on my year long Taylor Swift lyric calender #each day I choose a lyric that somehow relates to the day #either the lyrics themselves or tone or listened to it #and write that into the 2021 TS calendar I got for Christmas #it is calendar so first one is wrong #I've got the last week of August to fill in #you got a shout out on the day when we were discussing Girl at Home

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years ago

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Hi~ I wanted to hop on the match-ups as well cause I've read them and they're amazing. So could I request a romantic one? 👉👈

Hi, the name's Daniela but my friends call me Dina (pls call me Dina, after the Mr Worldwide post I wanna be your friend so bad 😭), I go by She/Her and I'm bisexual with a slight inclination towards males. I think I'm quite fun to be around, the most stupid things make me laugh and I can crack a few jokes even on the worst situations but at the same time I'm kinda serious, I get moody quite easily sometimes but for the most part I'm really bubbly. I suck at social interactions but I love people, so I'm absolutely an extrovert that's really scared to make people uncomfortable.

My insecurities are very much linked to me and my personality, I mean, I'm kinda self conscious of my weight and my body, but at the same time I always try to find beauty in myself, so much that it can lead to feeding my ego a little bit too much. And personality wise I feel like I can be really annoying, I like to feel special to the people I care about, so it lead to me being a really jealous person. Also I'm super competitive and that's not good at a certain point.

I like lots of stuff, very interesting things... I never really give much thought to the things I like, dang. I really like watching Anime and horror movies, drawing, going on walks, baking, I really really love to bake and clean, it's just so relaxing, ooh~ and I like dying my hair, a real fun activity if you ask me. In my friend group I'm chaos in person and also the one who's horny 25/8 and makes it known. Also, I'm known for hyperfixiating on anime characters (mostly mad scientists and intimidating blackhaired men). My music taste is quite normal, rock, punk, pop/punk, punk/rock, alternative rock, a bit of occasional metal. Some of my favorites are My Chemical Romance, Get Scared, Avril Lavigne, All Time Low, Three Days Grace, Hollywood Undead, Set It Off and Bring me The Horizon

The weirdest thing I do is thank the universe each and every morning for my incredible and amazing boobies 🥰🙏🖤🌸✨ and also I think being into esoteric stuff, crystals, demonology and that stuff could be considered a weird thing of mine(?) not sure how weird it actually is.

Oh yes yes, I just got admitted to college and imma be a Vet, super proud of myself, so I'm an animal lover. Btw I'm also libra, an ENFP with ego issues from time to time and an amazing person to dump your problems to (I love solving everybodies issues except mine). My ig is frutill.a, in case you need a physical description (don't be intimidated by how hot I am, I know I know, I'm amazing) and my abandoned art ig is frutill.art

For the ideal date thing? Yeah, cuddles, giving and receiving them, and eating, i like to be taken care of but also taking care of the other person(?. Even tho a picnic and cuddles under the stars sounds lovely. Yeah, maybe that's my ideal date, just doing something together at night that feels special to the both of us.

And to finish this up I just want to say that I love everything you do and you 😭 you're writing is so amazing, like just beauty, and I've read the other match-ups and they're so good, you're super duper talented and amazing. Keep up the good work and don't over do yourself, take care and keep it fun, I really look forward to see what other fic ideas you have in mind and I'll be there supporting whatever you come up with cause it'll be great. Kudos 🖤🖤🖤🤠

HI Dina, I match you with…..💞JEFF💞

Alright this was a hard one, quick quick why I didn’t match you with others. Demonology and EJ don’t mix, he has trauma. Plus, you seemed to be sort of similar to Jeff in some ways (not bad at all, you’re wonderful). I’m gonna go in order of what you talked about so that I can get my thoughts organized.

Stupid things make you laugh? At the worst possible times? At least you won’t be alone with Jeffy, he is the king of doing that, but he dosen’t exactly feel bad about it. AND you get moody often, Jeff too. Still, I feel like developing the relationship would take a while. You would have to constantly sit down with him and tell him what’s bothering you, open communication. Jeff is a master at feeding his ego, but he is fragile on the inside so be careful not to insult him, and once he warms up to you he is so so possessive. Does not want anyone else flirting with you at all, just goes to prove he thinks you might leave him for someone else.

He also loves horror (as we can tell) and he’s pretty much the chaos person too, you guys will bounce the energy off of each other for sure. //Also bro… what anime characters I have a thing for the murderers-// BUT BUT, set it off you say? Maybe go read some of this😏. I’m sure if you wake up next to Jeff he’ll be thanking the universe for your boobies too. HES AN ANIMAL LOVER TOO, and you being a vet is lovely, he wants to take care of his dog ya know?

I just know this man would bring you a rock thinking it’s a crystal. BRB BAWLING MY EYES OUT OVER THIS. Jeff isn’t one to dump his trauma on you, but he will tell you his current frustrations like how much Slender is pissing him off or something. He’s not very elegant but he would lay down a blanket and cuddle you if you like, once this man is attached he is attached. He loves being the big spoon in bed, and the little spoon too but don’t tell him I told you

He acts like he doesn’t pay attention but he really does, any slight changes in your mood and he will know what’s up. Very naggy about it, will try to pry it out of you (even though he doesn’t like other doing that to him), and gets angry if you don’t tell him. Just reassure him because he wants to help, he doesn’t want you to go to others for help when he’s right there.

Hope you liked this! BTW yes we ARE friends! Plz I almost cried at the Mr.Worldwide thing. I beg of you don’t let people dump their problems on just you, you need to have a space to share your struggles too. You can always message me, tumbler is like a safe place for me rn. I’m very understanding and wouldn’t ever make fun of you, I think that’s disgusting. You must be beautiful, I don’t have insta sadly. It got a bit toxic so-. You have great music taste, and I think you are a lovely person.

#jeff the killer headcanons #creepypasta #jeff the killer creepypasta #jeff the killer x you #jeff the killer x reader #Jeff the killer #creepypasta matchup #matchup #cp matchups #matchup.cafe #📯

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ljandersen · 4 years ago

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2, 5, 17, 20, & 35 for the fic writer asks!

Thank you for all the fun questions!!! These always get me thinking. So fun. By the way, I still love your cat picture icon so much. He looks like he wants a good pet. Anyway . . . This is from the Fic Writer Ask Game

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

This is really variable. I’d say the biggest determiner is where I’m at in the writing process on my long fic. The first draft is creatively demanding. It requires creative intensity and long chunks of alone time. I’m not posting it at that point, so it’s all at my own pace. No pressure. I get a lot more fanfic reading done, because I just don’t have the creative energy or environment/situation to invest in writing my first draft. Instead that time goes to reading. During the first draft, I’m probably about a 50/50 split between writing and reading.

When I’m in the editing stage, I write more than I read. I’m posting now, which gives me the added pressure of having a deadline. Most significantly, though, I can work on editing during periods I previously couldn’t with the first draft -- like after work or when my husband’s doing a loud project or if I only have a small window of time. Those were periods, I would choose to read fic, because I didn’t have the energy for creativity. But since editing requires less creativity, I can use that time now for editing.

For almost a year I’ve been focused exclusively on editing, which means I’ve focused more on writing (editing) than reading fic. I still do plenty of reading, of course. It feels good supporting other writers in the community. But I do use most of my time to keep on editing.

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

OOC and character bashing are a big nope for me. This is especially bothersome where they occur together, a character presented as OOC to be bashed.

I also don’t like unhealthy relationship dynamics portrayed as romantic or hot. For instance, a character being jealousy, possessive, domineering, and controlling. I don’t like choking, punishing, or any physical aggressiveness in intimacy occurring without obvious mutual consent, where both partners feel safe, respected, and desire the encounter in the ways its happening. This is in the context of it being condoned or romanticized by the story (vs. the sense a story considers it wrong or having the POV of an unreliable narrator you’re meant to disagree with). I actually stumble upon this quite a bit in the fShenko fandom, and it’s not for me.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

I’m like everyone else, I think. I check it a lot. Probably way more than I should. It’s influenced a lot by what I’m posting. With one-shots I’ll let myself check more often. But with a long-fic update, it’s important to curb the impulse.

For a one shot, new kudos flood in. Refreshing the screen is rewarding, because you have a good chance of discovering you have a new kudos or even a comment. The repeated checking is positively reinforced. I also invest less effort into a one-shot. The stakes are lower. For me, one-shots have high instant reward with that flood of stats and low-risk for disappointment with the lower effort investment. For that reason, I let myself check more often with a one-shot. Checking generally leads to more positive feelings and adds to the fun.

With a long fic, you don’t see an uptick of kudos necessarily. If you’ve been posting for a while, you may go several updates without a new kudos. Hits are kind of irrelevant. I don’t know what they mean. That leaves comments as the only significant factor to check. A comment on my long fic means a lot to me, more than stats on a one-shot. I’ve invest a lot. Refreshing the screen becomes a low-reaping high-reward situation. I feel like emotions are more up and down. Disappointment is a greater risk and constant checking becomes maladaptive. For that reason, I make a conscious effort to not check as often with a long fic update.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

I enjoy writing the first draft, and I enjoy interacting with people after I post it. Enjoying the first draft applies to both fanfiction and original writing. I think the posting part is where fanfiction really shines, because there’s overlapping interest and interaction within a community.

There’s an idea that the last stage of art is to be experienced. I think that’s true. Dedicating yourself to writing a story is wonderful. It’s an accomplishment. For me, the project doesn’t have closure or feel fully gratificating until it’s read. It could be even one person IRL, but that part of sharing it and hearing back is meaningful. I think that makes posting my favorite part of the writing process specific to fanfiction.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

Writing fic let me feel like I was accomplishing something. I’d become disillusioned with work. My investment and skill didn’t matter at work, and I needed an area in my life where I could work toward something and feel accomplished. Fanfic isn’t a big achievement, I suppose, but I’ve developed my writing skills. I had never let anyone read my writing before, and it was an accomplishment in itself finding the confidence to share my story for a reader. I’ve also met friends through fanfiction, which has added to the experience in such a positive way. There have been a lot of changes for the positive.

I would say one change to the negative is that people IRL don’t take my writing seriously anymore. It’s kind of bizarre to me that as an amateur writing original work, which never gets finished and is never shared, my hobby was regarded as more worthwhile than now with writing fanfiction, even though my stories now do get completed and are actually read by others. That’s been the only negative.

On any account, the change has by far mostly been to the positive. The support and comments people have given me, especially on Burning Barriers and Sideways, has given me a lot of gratification and confidence in my writing.

Thank you for the ask!!!

#ask #ask meme #my writing

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vynnyal · 5 years ago

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Throwing random thoughts, headcanons, and a variety of pasta at the wall (but only those having to do with vessels and/or their biology this time): The Thrilling Third Installment™

...aka pretending i can be dark and dramatic jskhdfd

Thk's larger form is not the standard, but the exception. Thk was cited as being "raised and trained to prime form", which people take to mean pk assisted in the vessel's natural growth. However, that conclusion leaves a lot of unanswered questions, most important of which being “then what about Ghost?” In short, I think that train of thought is backwards. Vessels can't grow- they are ageless, and immortal. We know this due to Ghost, despite living as long if not longer than thk, being completely unchanged over the years. The only thing pk trained into "prime form" was thk’s mind and fighting prowess. Their body... well, I think it was mutated. Most likely either directly by pk, or ordered by him- and with the shenanigans happening over in the sanctum, I wouldn't be surprised if Soul was involved, too. In any case, it was in no means natural. Vessels are corpses reanimated by void; neither corpses nor void tend to make drastic changes on their own all that often. Whether pk predicted the vessel’s “issues” and intended to manually “upgrade” them from the beginning, it's hard to say. But... yeah. Unless Ghost goes out of their way to make themselves grow- if its even possible, now that pk is gone- its fairly safe to say, they never will.

...with that in mind, we are promptly gonna ignore that for the rest of this post lmaooo

Grown-up vessels wouldn't look like thk; while they are described as being raised into "prime form"... prime form, to whom? Rather than looking like an idealized pk soldier, it sounds much more fitting that they’d have an entirely different, natural adult form. Consider: their cloaks being longer and fuller, perhaps filling out into something with a more practical use to their “species”. Better yet, they could even grow up to be more beast-like. Feral vessels, YEhaW

The black egg temple is cited as being "built to sustain [vessels]", yet it can't be their lifespan that is sustained. Rather, it seems the egg is specifically designed to keep the radiance from tearing thk apart, physically and/or mentally. Ngl its p obvious, but worth noting.

Sorta-au where Ghost’s shade has 8 eyes, and/or is generally all-around more cryptid-looking.

@ the sharpshadow charm and the strange, 6-eyed creature their shade turns into: kudos to this post, they bring up something super interesting- the creature not only resembles the Shade Lord, but the lord outright becomes it during the Embrace the Void cutscene.

makes me respect the ol’ civilization a whole lot more if a single charm can turn a baby shade into a baby lord.

The concept of finding ghosts unconscious body, laying next to a corpse, while they battle in their dreams. Alt: when ghost enters the dream realm, their shade leaves their shell... And protects their body from harm.

If steel soul mode is taken as canon, just how did ghost and the shade meet? Alt: Ghost may never have “met” it at all, as it technically doesn’t exist in that mode- instead, its more of a metaphor than an actual entity.

What the vessels looked like- or were supposed to look like- before the void. Alt: a story following a child, alive and untouched, that somehow managed to be spared. They could even have a gender. Alt alt: the void intentionally spared them for some purpose, or even out of simple kindness- or at least, something that resembles kindness.

Re: the shade inexplicably having a nail: all the vessel's swords are crafted from “will-bearing rock”- of which i’ve come to lovingly call living stone- and as such, are of void themselves. That's how the shade seems to conjure up its own copy; it merely shapes it, from the ground, using void. And, while more of a stretch, Ghost’s nail being some sort of living stone/pale ore alloy could explain just how Ghost can do seemingly pretty crazy things with an otherwise ordinary nail. Better, while 100% a baseless hc, its material might actually enable Ghost to build it up and modify it to suite their size as they grow older. finally, a logical reason adult Ghost has an adult-sized nail-claymore. hdsfghjfghdsjf

On that same thought: Ghost outright invented the "art" of manipulating- or creating- living stone to make their nail. ...gimme a sec. The other escaped vessels have nails, too, right? Either meaning they also discovered this ability... or that theres some legitimate ground for the “vessel gang” hc. Or, yanno, i’m reading too much into Ari’s sprites but sHHhh

How did all the vessels know to race to the top? They seemed to be falling merely because they had just been born and had literal, actual baby strength; yet not only did they inexplicably risk everything competing to the top, they somehow knew death was waiting if they lost. Alt: pk just, bringing a fucking megaphone and telling them like a sports announcer.

What if Ghost made it, and instead of falling, they managed to joined thk at the lip? What would pk do? Push them off the edge??? Or just adopt them both?? Oh fuck au where they're raised as twin sacrifices. Or worse yet, they’re raised unequally, and one is trained only as an afterthought. As a backup.

Alternatively, pk keeps all the vessels au, only a few years later when they're grown. Pk now has a literal army of pure knights. Radiance is fucked.

Hm. If vessels were fully coherent entities from the moment of birth, why was there a crib in the white palace? Did... did they use it? I have a feeling team cherry made that asset before the abyss scene lmaooo alt: they did, uh, use the crib. Cue a very awkward scene of thk, clearly not a normal baby, staring at wl with like... idk, the poofy baby hat and pacifier. I can’t tell if the image is more funny or more sad rn shdfgfjsdgg

The og notes that inspired this post, in case my rambling makes more sense (and w/o the awful comic hjsfgjsdfhj): Oh oh OH i GET it now. The void is all about "will" and whatnot, right? And shades are "fragments of a lingering will"- will, like the one you leave after your death, but instead of inheritance its the vessels' desires...last regrets.... DAMN team cherry, that symbolism is clever as heck. That took me a while. Kinda funny how a will is, technically, a person's last regrets Like I knew they were last regrets but I didn't understand WHY. Duh, it's because they're literally Made Of Will. They are the vessel's "wills". I'm so stupid.

Ghost, walking thru the abyss, getting increasingly fed up / freaked out, ducking into a crack in the wall. They follow the crack into the Scream Chamber, pause, then exhale in relief that this was EXACTLY what they needed.

Ghost's shade rolling up its void-sleeves like “fuck it, ima defeat thk myself”

Why was thk's sword there? Was its pedestal decayed? Did it fall from their body? Was it place there as an afterthought, or hurriedly? alt: taking thk's sword before freeing them, but doing the mom thing like you're grounding them hdhfjchjch

I can’t believe it just occured to me now, but... as objectivley stupid as the vessel’s test was, Ghost... technically came in second place. What if that whole scene was a metaphor? Because really, it’s just too silly to take seriously. To do so isn’t too far fetched, either; many other elements in the game’s story are better taken as symbolic or metaphorical, anyways. Take the PoP cutscene- while it could’ve been a literal moment, where they just happened to find themselves standing around and took the moment to appreciate each other... imo it makes much more sense to read it as the concept of their faint ~forbidden love~ and parental pride itself. Or, better yet, the scene at the end of the 4th pantheon. Sorry, but I severely doubt that was an actual event. What I’m trying to get at is the significance of “second place” in the cutscene. My brain is too fried to chase down any other possible connections to this theme rn (if thats even what the theme is), but even without proof, the theory smooths out a few interesting tidbits related to just how Ghost could tough it out when all others failed. All except for #1, anyway. Either way I’m just happy to take this as an excuse to pretend that cutscene didn’t literally happen because like, l m a o

The story of a small group of vessels as they work together to escape hallownest. (aka the aforementioned vessel gang hc... im sure theres a more formal name but you get the idea). Its impossible to tell how long it took them to discover that near-invisible hole, the last exit remaining after the king ordered the abyss to be sealed up. Once they did, however, the remaining vessels were quick to make a desperate scramble to escape- only for the entrance to suddenly crumble shut, far, far too soon. The remaining 8 slowly made their way through deepnest, their numbers quickly dwindling as the jouney started to take its toll. The group was nearly wiped out by those terrible, spiney-legged creatures that used their own kinship against them. Only three finally escaped the deep, yet only two made it through the basin- the third, largest sibling, left to fight alone againt a hopeless battle, just to buy the others time. It was in greenpath, so close yet so far to their goal, that the second succumbed to the infection. It was a mercy killing, that nail through the heart. The last, after all of that, finally made their way to the very precipice of howling cliffs, hesitating for just a moment to gaze out upon the still-fresh ruins of hallownest. But only for a moment, before Ghost jumps down to begin their journey beyond this wretched place.

A vessel running from its shade as it tirelessly pursues them, the vessel refusing to put it to rest.

tw: suicide, + personal on main

Ugh ugh ugh ugh Either thk was fully conscious and in terrible pain for all those years... or they couldn’t feel anything at all. The former is horrible, but imagining thk waking up, chained, unable to do anything but wait for Ghost to heed their call? Did they turn their nail on themselves to help Ghost, end the pain, or some awful mix of both? For someone who has personally dealt with close friends and family that struggled with suicide themselves, hollowknight is one of the worst horror stories I've ever seen. And the fact that the story is so personal, so open to interpretation? The fact that each character is so genuine yet vague enough to be read completely differently to someone else’s biases? Its why hollow knight- the game, and the character- will forever be one of the most powerful stories to me.

in short, good LORD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING SAD

#hollow knight #Thonking abt hollowknight #blabbing.txt #i should probably proof-read this.... uuuaaaah #anyways #@ that last one: i had to take a week-long break after tiso died. so like. you can imagine my reaction to thk #other than that some of these are VERY OLD #and dsfhhfdj the test one literally just occurred to me #sweet catharsis.... fuck you pk....#also.... yeah. vessels have a p bad time all considered #ghost is like 'i know i look 7 but im actually 1000 years old!'#then hornet punts them into the sun #OH WHAUFHDFKJ

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feisties · 4 years ago

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D (any of your NHIE fics), F, H, I, M, S, T, U, W, X, Y?

anon. you spoil me

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

soooo i will normally put together a 3-4 song playlist and listen to that on repeat when i write any given fic. for before the moment’s gone i listened almost solely to no.1 party anthem by arctic monkeys, dancing with your ghost by sasha sloan, and stay together by noah cyrus. if u have any other specific fic ur interested in knowing abt i will gladly talk at length abt the process in writing it LOL

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

im a particularly fond of the dialogue i wrote for senior superlatives, because i personally think it’s the most successful attempt i’ve had at being funny and biting and tender all at once. i feel like i peaked with that fic. it’s still my favorite i’ve ever written.

H: How would you describe your style?

i genuinely have no clue!! i guess if there were a spectrum between dialogue-heavy and description-heavy, my writing would lean more toward the former. other descriptors i would use are words like direct/earnest/self conscious/wry/heavy usage of the word “like”/even heavier usage of both run on sentences and fragments

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

i would have one but i don’t ever feel guilty. check out my bookmarks for non guilty pleasure delight

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

like....yes. ive been thinking about a summer camp AU for a long long long time.... will probably write it for ben/devi and eleanor/paxton but who knows i might wanna mix things around a bit and fuck around with some different rare pairs :) lowkey waiting on s2 to give me some good content and new characters to play with

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

the enemies to lovers trope... obviously.

i am a particular fan of AUs and i absolutely adore the “jaded high school reunions” au and the “frequent hookups to oh-no-i-think-i’m-in-love-with-you-oops” au. i also am a fan of crack fic just by virtue of being obsessed with rare pairs

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

this isn’t necessarily a trope but it bothers me to read fic about ben and devi getting together right after s1 when it isn’t well developed. for me it usually demonstrates a lack of understanding of how both characters would process their budding relationship (platonic and romantic!) and usually reads as extremely cheesy and forced. however I am also not usually a person who enjoys reading fic set in canon..... so.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

here is a list of my favorite fic writers in general (complete with rationale and how they inspire me) but for nhie im gonna highlight a couple of my friends, who also happen to be extremely talented writers!

if you read any nhie fic at ALL you’ve probably read something by magnetichearts and for good fucking reason bc she manages to write some of the best ben/devi content out there. her work is so sweet and funny and angsty and smutty and she waxes poetic like no one’s business. check out her work on ao3 and tumblr for a great time

flashlightinacave has some of the best, fluffiest ben/devi content. if you love yourself and/or love feeling Good Feelings from reading fic, please please please check her out! she’s an absolute beast when it comes to heart-wrenching scientific metaphors and vivid descriptions. you can find her work on her ao3 and tumblr

cori_the_bloody is such a gifted writer who produces fantastic fic that always makes me actually laugh out loud. her writing is so sharp and smart and always captures just the right amount of awkward-sweetness and i have yet to meet anyone who can capture the earnest kind of self consciousness and embarrassment and tenderness that she does in her ben/devi fic. her work is on her ao3 and she also writes incredible analysis abt nhie on her tumblr

one of my favorite, most underrated authors in the fandom is peterpan_in_neverland and she deserves all the attention and kudos for writing some of the BEST eleanor/paxton fic in the game. that pairing tag is basically her tag. i love the way she writes dialogue and her fics are fabulous reads for anyone who loves good writing and horny content ;) here’s her ao3 and tumblr

etc etc etc! i love every writer in the fandom tbh

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

hmmmmmmmmm i think devi. i dont actually like seeing her suffer but i think she’s the most fun/difficult to write when she’s tortured? she has such a loud personality and balancing that with her more introspective, reflective side is a challenge but always satisfying to write.

Y: A character you want to protect.

eleanor. at all costs.

#Anonymous #answered #so sorry i put this out so late #but this was so much fun to answer #writing*

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emmcarstairs · 4 years ago

Text

Lucie Herondale: From Childhood to Adulthood

A/N: Sadly, technology is still not that advanced and I don’t have access to Cassie’s head. What you’re about to read is my interpretation of several scenes and symbols, based on what I’ve read about cautionary fairy tales, mythological tropes and my own literary experience. Of course, fairy tales don’t reflect the complexity of real life. But sometimes authors make use of the codes found in their construct. I’ve written this text for fun. So if you enjoy reading such literary analyses, by all means, proceed.

Disclaimer: Discussion of sexuality

So these days I can’t stop thinking about Lucie and her story (surprise, ik!) and I had a sort of epiphany. In one of my ramblings about Lucie, I mentioned how Lucie’s arc is reminiscent of a typical coming-of-age tale. These writings usually serve as a subtle introduction of adulthood to children. And I think I found a clue about Lucie’s next step towards maturity.

So where did we leave Lucie in Chain of Gold? She is now aware of the hidden power within her which has been docile all her life. At first, her power manifests itself unknowingly to her (interrogating Gast, saving Cordelia). By the end of the book, however, she uses it intentionally (commanding Jesse) and we know she plans to exercise it again. Pay attention that she’s initially afraid of her “monstrous power”, as Gast calls it; she doesn’t want to order anyone around and she’s not sure of the extent of her abilities. She knows of their existence but she hasn’t mastered them yet.

Alongside the awakening of her demonic power, Lucie experiences another “awakening” - that of her sexuality. She tells the reader that she has begun to notice things she wouldn’t have paid attention to before:

She would not have noticed his state of undress when she was so young, but she was very conscious of it now. (p.170)

Still, Lucie has not yet fully grasped the meaning behind these new aspects of her life. Throughout the book, she attributes them to familiar experiences:

As a writer, one had to pay attention to these things. Descriptions were very important. (p.220)

Or she’s completely baffled by the way her body reacts:

She could feel her heart pounding, and was a little surprised at herself. It wasn’t as if seeing ghosts was that a rare occurrence for her. (p. 219)

Now, I have to make an important side note: In fairy tales, harnessing one’s sexuality usually stands for gaining knowledge. Sexuality is in direct opposition to innocence which can be interpreted as the state of still having knowledge to learn. In my previous analysis, I touched briefly upon how the awakening of Lucie’s powers and the realisation of her full potential (=sexuality) are interwoven together. So we’ll see how these two develop simultaneously.

So far, Lucie’s character arc loosely follows “The Heroine’s Journey” (you might have heard of “The Hero’s Journey” but the two are different). While “The Hero’s Journey” is primarily about performing a deed of bravery and physical power (e.g killing the dragon), “The Heroine’s Journey” is oriented inwards and it’s main goal is to reconcile the monster within (=”monstrous power”). It’s about descending into the deepest parts of oneself and returning with a greater awareness. Maureen Mardock, the author of “The Heroine’s Journey”, writes:

Persephone is pulled out of the innocence (unconsciousness) of everyday life into a deeper consciousness of self by Hades. She is initiated into the sexual mysteries … She becomes Queen of the Underworld.

So the question is how this descent may be portrayed in TLH. What if I tell you that Lucie will be “initiated” into a world of “sexual mysteries” very soon? And that this “world” is none other than Hell Ruelle - a literal Downworld establishment.

In an early chapter, Lucie, Cordelia, and Anna meet up for a party at the Hell Ruelle.

Let’s see what some of the characters have to say about this place.

Matthew: “Are you quite sure you want to come, Cordelia? It will be scandalous.”

Cordelia: “It was rumoured that more daring things happened at salons as well, in the shadows and the dark gardens, couples gathering to tryst where no one could see them.”

Anna: “One famous noble lady seated her artistic guests in her ruelle- the space between her bed, any lady’s bed, really, and the wall. A scandalous spot.”

Also consider the following: Hell Ruelle is the place which Matthew and Anna, two of presumably the most “scandalous” characters, visit regularly. It’s the venue for Anna’s attempts at seduction. The place where we see Cordelia wearing probably the most revealing clothes she’s ever put on in her life. And, of course, the place where she and James share the steamiest love scene in the whole book.

In short, it is a scandalous spot, where adult pleasures take place. And I find it significant that Lucie is about to go there now, after her initial awakening in CoG.

A few weeks ago, I actually wondered if Lucie would have had her birthday by the start of CoI. You know, as a means of showing that she’d literally grown up. But it’s not possible since that would mean she’s the same age as James. Then the cover was revealed and one of the first exclamations @jesseblackthorns made was “She looks very matured!”. It’s true because this is the point of her journey towards self-discovery. Kudos to the designer! And then I thought: what better way to show this than with her visit to Hell Ruelle in the beginning of the next book as a symbolic crossing of one of the thresholds to adulthood?

“Threshold” is an important word choice here. Look at what Cordelia sees at the entrance of Hell Ruelle:

Inside was a narrow hallway whose walls were heavy red cloth tapestries hanging from the ceiling to floor, obscuring whatever was behind them. At the end of the hall was another door, also painted red.

We have a hallway, we also have a door, a literal threshold, if you will. It’s a boundary between two worlds. The tapestries “obscure” Cordelia’s perception; a hidden potential is out of sight, anything might lie beyond. The color red is everywhere; red is often associated with passion, desire and sexuality. Moreover, it’s hanging from the walls, it’s bleeding. I don’t want to get too explicit but the sexual subtext is there.

As she goes further in the heart of the party, we have this passage:

Cordelia felt her heart flutter a bit - there was something about this night that felt dangerous, and not because she was in a room full of Downworlders. The fact that none of them were making any attempt to hide it did make it seem less worrisome. (p.228)

The Downworlders reveal their true nature here. In a way, here they are their fully-realised selves (=adults). So Cordelia has symbolically entered adulthood – and adulthood often feels dangerous and confusing. Note the succession of details which are closely associated with adult entertainment. Cordelia notices the paintings of naked figures on the walls. And after a brief hesitation, she proceeds to drink champagne - an alcoholic drink - for the first time in her life.

Despite the feeling of danger and novelty in the air, Cordelia doesn’t turn around and run. She embraces it. She jokes about the nudity depicted in the paintings, and she leaves the party as a hero after saving the warlocks. This goes to show just how self-aware Cordelia is and I think we can all agree that she’s one of the most mature protagonists Cassie has ever written.

What about Lucie then? We haven’t seen her in such a setting before and it would be interesting to follow her experience. I hope that we’ll have a glimpse of her POV during the party. In my opinion, this is very likely since we’ve already had Cordelia’s POV and Anna is in her element in this place. So it all depends on what Cassie wants to show us and the plot.

To sum up, Lucie’s visit to Hell Ruelle is a symbolic step towards adulthood. In CoG, she’s wary of the newfound power within her which also symbolises her sexual awakening. Following “The Heroine’s Journey”, the more comfortable Lucie gets with wielding her power, the more aware and confident of herself she’ll become (and vice versa). The coming-of-age stories usually tackle themes such as the interplay between uncertainty/disgust and attraction about sexuality. The visit will broaden Lucie’s horizons and it’s a step along the way of her becoming a fully-realized human being in terms of fairy tale tradition.

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, please ask me! <333

#lucie herondale #chain of gold #the last hours #my analyses

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