#if you’re one of my 2 irls from school pretend you didn’t see this and never ask me about it pls.

[pinksturniolo]

Biggest Hater - Part Two

Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader

Part 2 of 2

Alternate version of my Chris fic: Biggest Fan

Requested by the baddest! @muwapsturniolo

Summary: You just don’t get the hype of the Sturniolo Triplets like almost every girl your age does. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that you went to high school with them and Matt Sturniolo particularly, got on your nerves more than anyone you thought ever could. In fact, it has everything to do with that. And when you run into him a couple years later, at the peak of their fame, your feelings haven’t changed one bit. No matter how attractive you find him.

Content warnings: smut, oral, angry sex, teasing, pettiness, manipulation, mean!matt (even tho he's an angel irl), ANGST AF, enemies to lovers trope (somewhat?), slightly toxic, use of alcohol, a lil fluff at the end to make up for all the madness lol

word count: 3,887

You never breathed a word to anyone about what happened that night. Losing your virginity to Matt in the back of his minivan on prom night while stoned out of your mind was not something you could exactly go about announcing around the hallways of school. As much as you wanted to let what happened possibly turn into something more between you two, you simply couldn't let one night of passion make you forget the years of anger Matt caused you.

And your feelings were only solidified when you returned to school the next week, and he pretended like you didn’t even exist. He avoided you even more than he would before, and to be fair, you didn’t call or text him over the whole weekend out of sheer embarrassment. But you figured he would at least acknowledge you.

You started to feel incredibly stupid for letting your desires cloud your judgment and wished you could take back everything you did with him. You two never spoke again, as if that night never happened. And it hurt you for a while, until you eventually decided he wasn’t worth the trouble.

But that was two years ago, and this was now.

Now you were taking shots of tito’s back to back like they were water. Zach, the mutual friend that you and Matt shared from school was passing the bottle around, more people coming in and out of the house as the night wore on, the party getting bigger.

You danced in the middle of the living room along with the crowd of bodies, your body moving to the music freely as you tried to let the invasion of memories from prom night out of your mind. The alcohol coursed through your blood, your shyness leaving. You were starting to have a good time and were happy that you hadn’t seen Matt around since he disappeared down the hallway.

Zach comes up to you, leaning down to talk into your ear. He asks how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to since high school. You’re not one for small talk but you don’t want to be rude and start to engage in conversation with him when you hear a voice over the music interrupt you.

“Mind if I steal her from you?”

You turn to see Matt standing there, his eyes briefly travelling up and down your body before greeting Zach.

“Matt! What’s up, where you been? You want a shot?” he says, grabbing his hand in a handshake.

Matt shakes his head and motions to the keys attached to the belt loop of his jeans. “I’m the designated driver tonight.”

You give Matt a dirty look before you allow yourself to check him out. His appearance has changed so much since the last time you saw him. He’s wearing black jeans and a plain t shirt, a backwards hat on his head. He has light stubble on his face, making him look a little bit older. He looked really good.

But you weren’t drunk enough to acknowledge him further, turning back to Zach. “I think I’m gonna go get some fresh air.” You tell him and he barely lets you finish your sentence, grabbing both you and Matt by the shoulder.

“Hey, remember when you guys used to be at each other’s throats every day? It was hilarious.” He slurred, a drunken smile on his face.

You give him a deadpan look, avoiding looking at Matt to see his reaction. You could seriously strangle Zach right now for what he was doing.

“You know what’s hilarious Zach? She was pretending the whole time. I think she was just secretly in love with me.” Matt says and your jaw almost drops to the ground from shock.

 Zach laughs loudly, throwing his head back. “I knew it! Practically everyone in our senior class said the same thing.”

The audacity these men had. You’re absolutely fuming, staring daggers at Matt, a stupid fucking smirk on his face. He knows you’re pissed, and he likes it. Loves it in fact. It satisfies him to no end that he can still get a reaction out of you after all this time. Not to mention, he thought you were incredibly attractive when you were mad.

Before you can fire a good comeback at him, a genius idea pops into your head. The music currently blasting through the large house now switches to an upbeat reggaeton sound, something directly in your element.

The furrow in your brows from the sour look on your face relaxes as it’s replaced with a smile, your eyes lighting up. Matt is a little caught off guard by the way your expression switched up suddenly but tries not to let it show. His arms are crossed, and he raises an eyebrow in curiosity as you speak to him.

“I love this song. Wanna dance?”

“Wait-what? -“ He starts, utterly confused now but you walk past him before he can protest, the fabric of your skirt brushing against his body. He grits his teeth, his heart skipping a beat as he inhales the scent of your perfume. You look back at him over your shoulder, a mischievous look in your eyes.

“Later, Zach.” Matt says, immediately following behind you. Your hips sway as you walk, closer to the dark corner of the room. Your short skirt is skintight, your lace top not leaving much to the imagination. You have on a pair of strappy heels and Matt can’t help but let his eyes linger on the smoothness of your legs and the curve of your ass as he walks behind you.

But he feels as though he’s walking into a trap, your sudden change in behavior a mystery to him. He hasn’t seen you in two years and you seem more mature, more confident in yourself. And given the way you both left things, he’s not sure why you would even give him the time of day.

You reach the corner of the room where it’s a little more private, starting to move your hips in small circles, swaying to the beat of the song. There’s a sultry look in your eyes as you lock eyes with Matt who’s slowly moving towards you. He’s drawn dangerously close to you, a few inches separating you from him. He’s hesitant but watches your body move sensually, your hair falling around your face as you run your hands through it. You look him in the eyes again, grabbing his hands to put them on your waist.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. And your only intention tonight is to make sure Matt knows exactly who he’s fucked with. There was just no way he was going to show up in your life again and try to make a fool out of you for the second time. You were going to remind him that yes, there’s an unspoken connection between you two, and an electric storm that is created when your bodies mesh with another. But then, you were going to rip it from him, the way that he did to you.

The music vibrates through your body as you guide Matt’s hands across your waist and hips, his lips parted as you have him in a trance. His eyes can’t choose between focusing on your breasts spilling out of your shirt, the sliver of skin peeking out from the hem, showing the curves of your hips or your bare thighs now brushing against him as you move even closer.

Then, you turn around and wrap your arm behind you, across the back of his neck. Your other hand keeps his on the side of your waist. You grind your ass lightly over his crotch, his chest pressed into your back. His head is leaned down by the side of your neck, his warm breathing fanning across your skin.

He moves with you for a minute, immersed in the music and the way your body grinds against him. He feels like its just you and him in this party, addicted to the feeling of you on him like he was the night he had you all to himself in the backseat of his van.

His lips brush lightly over the skin of your neck, and he takes a deep breath in to try and steady himself before things escalate further. “What are you doing, Y/N.” He mumbles into your ear. His fingers press into your hips, his pants tightening from the way your ass is rubbing onto him.

Fuck. It’s taking everything in him right now not to drag you to one of the empty bedrooms and bend you over the mattress so he can fuck your brains out.

You feel him grow hard in his jeans and smile to yourself, your plan going exactly how you wanted it to. You turn around suddenly and wrap your arms around his neck, your lips feathering over his. “I need you…”

It takes him all of thirty seconds to grab your hand and lead you out of the living room, and to the secluded hallway at the other side of the house. He pushes you softly against the wall, placing his arms on either side of your head. There’s a look of desperation on his face that you haven’t seen before.

“Y/N. Listen to me. I know this sounds crazy, but I think about you all the fucking time. I swear, I’ve tried so hard to get you off my mind since that night and I can’t. I- “

“Matt, please. I don’t want to talk about that right now. Just kiss me.” You interrupted and smashed your lips onto his, his shirt fisted in your hands.

What you really want to say is, you’re a liar. If you really meant that, you would’ve talked to me at school. You would’ve let me know how you felt instead of cutting me off. You would’ve acted like a grown man and reached out to me a long time ago.

But that isn’t part of your master plan to manipulate him. You needed him to think you wanted him, to make him feel the way he made you feel for months after you last saw him. You know it’s wrong and petty, but you don’t care. And you couldn’t help the fact that you also secretly enjoyed having his hands on your body again, his lips on yours like they belonged there.

Matt is completely sober but he’s getting lust drunk off the taste of your mouth, your wandering hands over his chest, his abdomen, his hair. Pushing and pulling him into you, and he can feel your pulse pounding a million miles a minute. He could breathe your air forever, could steal your kisses like it’s his favorite crime.

The desire between you two grows and grows, until Matt is convinced he could fuck you against the wall in this hallway right now and not care one bit who saw. But he knows that’s not the right way to do this. He wants you on the bed, so he can lay your body down, and devour you in the way he’s been craving all this time.

He grabs your hips, breaking the kiss and leads you to the nearest closed door, praying that it’s an empty bedroom. The chances are in his favor when he sees no one in the room, a large king-sized bed in the middle. He locks the door behind him, and you throw your arms around his neck again, entrapping his lips on yours once more. He bends down slightly and grabs your ass, lifting you up in the air. Your legs wrap around his waist as he carries you over to the bed.

Once he feels the mattress against his legs, he climbs on top, laying you down, his body on yours. He trails soft kisses from your cheek to your neck, his tongue on your hot skin, teeth grazing, leaving goosebumps all over you.

You sigh in pleasure, letting him take over your body like its his. Your determination has been crumbling since he pressed you against that wall, but you fight to keep your head on straight, his mouth now ghosting across your chest as his head dips lower. He tugs your shirt and bra down, revealing your tits to him, nipples hardened from the cool air. He looks up at you, blue eyes burning with fire as he circles his warm tongue around one of them, making you gasp.

He continues, taking extra time and attention to suck, kiss and lick on each of your breasts, his eyes still on yours, leaving your now soaked panties ruined. You can feel his erection pressing into you and when he starts moving his head further south, you wrap your legs around him and grab onto his shoulders so you can flip your bodies around on the bed, this time with you on top of him.

It was time for you to regain control. You pull the top of your shirt back up and he starts to sit up, but you push him down firmly by his shoulders. You grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head as he allows you to undress him. He doesn’t protest and watches as you move down the bed, to settle between his legs. Your hands unbutton his jeans and yank his pants down and off of him. Now he’s only left in his boxers, and you’re still completely dressed.

You lay down on the bed, bringing your face to his crotch and exhaling on his hardness. His abdomen flexes and he clenches his jaw as he watches you tease him, breathing your warm breath onto him and then letting your tongue run over him through the fabric of his boxers.

You press a kiss onto him, your lashes fluttering as you look up at him. “Y/N…” He groans, his hands tangling in your hair. “Don’t fucking tease me.”

You let a sly smile appear on your lips and rub your hands on his thighs. Your fingers curl around the band of his boxers, finally pulling them down so his cock springs out, long, hard, and begging to be taken care of.

He twitches as you press your lips to the tip, saliva leaking out of your mouth and coating him. Then you finally move your head down, taking as much of him as you can into your mouth and your soft hand curling around the base. He moans, holding your hair back as you bob your head up and down, his breathing becoming shallow.

You keep the pace, letting him brush the back of your throat and look at him, his head thrown back against the mattress in ecstasy, knowing he won’t last long at which the rate you’re going.

“Fuck…” He whimpers, letting you push him to that release, your actions feeling way too good to stop you.

You pull your mouth from him, gasping for air and letting your hand continue the motions, squeezing around him with every intention to get him to finish.

“I know baby, let go. It’s okay.” You say, urging him to cum.

But once you speak the words, Matt snaps out of his pleasure, the sentence sounding all too familiar.

“Matt…” You whine, and he presses his forehead to yours, his hands on your lower back, helping you ride him. “I know baby, let go. Its okay.” He says softly and the coil that’s been building for the past 20 minutes since he kissed you, finally releases and warmth floods your body. You moan loudly and feel yourself leaking on his thigh, your hips slowing down.

He grabs your jaw, the expression on his face now hardened. “What do you think you’re doing?” He says, finally catching onto your little plan.

Shit. You really fucked up now. You didn’t think he would recognize the same words, you thought it would be an inside joke only to yourself in your twisted mind. But Matt was smarter than you realized.

You try to play it off though, not wanting to give in. “What do you mean?” You say innocently, batting your eyelashes at him.

He chuckles darkly and snaps his boxers back on, grabbing you by your arms and pulling you up, flipping around so you lay on the bed, on your back again.

Matt had a feeling something was off the moment you asked him to dance but he let his attraction take over and his desire cloud his judgement. And now that he’d figured out what you were trying to do, he was furious. He was mad that you felt the need to mock him, to get back at him. He was mad that he let his stubbornness prevent him from acting like a mature adult and block you out of his mind, of his life.

But most of all, he was mad and at the same time obsessed with the control you had over him, over his body, over his thoughts. He never let anyone dictate his emotions but somehow you had, and right now he wanted to show you who was really in control here. He wanted to show just exactly how much he had missed you.

“Who do you think you’re trying to play with, hm?” He says as he roughly tugs your skirt down your body and off your legs, leaving your heels on. He removes your shirt and bra right after, leaving you shocked in the way he’s managed to get you naked in less than a minute.

You don’t say a word as he pushes your legs open, his thumbs digging into your skin so hard, it hurts. He slots his shoulders in between as he places his wet lips on your stomach, kissing his way down, over your pelvis, and moving to your inner thighs, licking and sucking at the crevices.

It was insane the way Matt could control you with his dominance, the touch of his hands and the feeling of his tongue on your skin. You’ve basically lost your whole course of action in revenge, allowing him to have his way with you.

He’s everywhere except the spot you need him the most, leaving you whimpering and on edge, your hips uncontrollably moving. He smacks your inner thigh, making you cry out from the sting.

“Stop fucking moving. You wanted to play this game, right? Well, let Daddy show you who’s really in control here.” He practically growls and the tone of his voice has your pussy throbbing with need but your heart pounding with anger.

“Fuck you, Matt.” You respond, glaring down at him in between your legs.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise at your defiance, his eyes almost completely black from the way his pupils are blown. His fingertips dig harshly into your skin as he pulls you down even closer to his mouth, and your breath picks up as he traces his lips over your folds, not touching all the way but barely brushing.

He places a gentle kiss to the spot right above your clit, his eyes the complete opposite of soft as he looks up at you. He kisses once more and then dips down to lick one swipe through you only to move away, his tongue on your inner thigh again.

The teasing is almost too much, making you whine and squirm under him. He smirks at your reaction, satisfied with the way he’s gotten you worked up. He licks through you again, his tongue strong and warm and circles around your hole before pulling away once more, kissing the side of your lips.

“Say you want me.” He breathes against your skin, looking at you again.

You don’t answer him and he runs one finger through your folds, massaging lightly before pulling away seconds later.

“Say you want me. And I’ll give you what you need baby.” He’s looking at you with expectancy, hoping you’ll give in because as much as he’s enjoying teasing you, he wants nothing more than to please you.

You could almost cry from how mean he’s being, and grit your teeth, your eyes continuing to give him dirty looks. No fucking way you’re giving in this easily.

“I said… Fuck. You.”

There’s a brief moment of silence and heated looks exchanged before he suddenly gets up, standing at the end of the bed and then reaches up to drag you by your ankles to the edge where he is, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He would’ve had you cumming on his tongue, thighs around his face as you shook, swallowing every last drop.

“You’re gonna regret that.” He simply says and pulls his dick out only to push it into you with no warning, bottoming out as his hips connect with yours.

You cry aloud from the feeling, and you’re seeing stars as Matt drives himself into you over and over, hard. You’re moaning along with him, your head thrown back against the mattress. He watches as he slips in and out of you, the blissful look of pleasure on your face, a sight he could replay in his head for the rest of his life.

He wraps one hand around your neck, squeezing a little, making you clench around him from the feeling of arousal it gives you. The anger pours out of both of you, mixing with pleasure until it turns into something else, something you two have been holding back for a long time. This is nothing like the last time. In the van, it was sweet, innocent and new. But now it was dirty, hot and desperate.

The sounds of your bodies against each other fill the room, the wetness you make as he thrusts into you like music to his ears. He tells you how sexy you are, how good you take him, how much he loves to have you like this. Dripping down his cock, body quivering and throat raw from screaming out his name.

You both claim to hate each other but somehow ended up in this position for the second time. As you reach your release together, he lays closer over the top of you, burying his face in your neck. You hold him, nails scratching down his back as you cum around him, and you feel the throbbing of his cock as he finishes inside you. He stays there for a minute as you both calm down and he’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

Matt drove you home that night, after taking his brothers home first of course. Everyone assumed what you two were doing when you disappeared from the party and Chris and Nick giggled in the car, making fun of you two, much to Matt’s annoyance.

He kissed you good night. He called the next day, and the next, and the next. He checked up on you, sent flowers to your house when you weren’t expecting, he even brought you lunch to your job when you were having a particularly rough day. He made up for all the lost time.

You both had many discussions about the past. You forgave him for what happened, and it made you happy to finally say you didn’t hate Matthew Sturniolo after all. You were actually deeply, head over heels, in love with him.

taglist <3: (if you want to be added/taken off, reply to this post or comment on my masterlist. and if you weren't mentioned, it wouldnt let me tag u :/)

@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @junnniiieee07 @sturnsjtop @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @honestlyjb @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @sturnioloco @wh0resstuff @ribread03 @sturniololoco @75sturn

[65pinkroses]

Legal Fictions: 1988′s Batman Getting the Law Wrong

I mostly use this tumblr for my poetry and vibes, but those of you who know me IRL know that I spend a lot of my free (and formerly school) time considering Batman comics from the disciplinary lens of law and literature. So for fun I thought I’d break down two examples where Batman just makes stuff up about the law for plot. (Because I can’t keep bothering senior counsel about this during coffee breaks). Also both of these issues are by Jim Starlin...sorry, Jim.

Don’t worry, I may be a lawyer but I won’t use too much jargon!

Example 1: Batman #421 (1988)

Is it true that evidence would be thrown out and the case dismissed...because Batman was the one who obtained the murder weapon? Probably not.

In this issue we see Karl, a misogynistic serial killer, head to trial for his crimes. With the murder weapon as evidence, the case is clear-cut. But uh oh the Judge says we have to throw out the whole case! What? Let’s break this down.

What is evidence?

In general, it’s an object or information that is relevant to proving/disproving an element of the crime.

What is inadmissable evidence?

Evidence can be “inadmissible” even if it is relevant, if it will unfairly prejudice jurors against a defendant.

Why is the judge here saying that the evidence (the knife) was obtained illegally?

In the United States, the Fourth Amendment of the US Constitution protects citizens against “warrantless search and seizures.” Basically the police and other “State Actors” can’t just randomly break into Karl’s house and take his knife the way Batman did. This is called the “Exclusionary Rule” of evidence, where a defendant can say “hey, the police searched my house without a warrant it’s not fair to use that against me because it goes against the principles of justice.”

Okay, so why is this issue incorrect?

Well Batman isn’t actually the police! Private citizens don’t have any rules against obtaining evidence. If Bruce Wayne broke into Karl’s house and brought the knife to court that’s not Fourth Amendment violation. (I mean I don’t recommend that, that’s gonna be kind of questionable and so forth but not illegal per se)

Batman is a private citizen dressing up as a bat to fight crime at nighttime he’s not acting for the State. (If you’re interested in a detailed discussion of this you can check out "Is Batman a State Actor?” by Joshuah Lisk)

Also “without the knife, the State didn’t have enough to convict”? What was this case built on? Hopes and dreams? This is a murder trial! Where’s the jury! It’s fine, I’ll be fine.

Bottom line: sorry, Jim, that evidence was totally admissible and Karl would’ve been convicted (probably)!

Example 2: Batman #424 (1988)

Would Diplomatic Immunity really allow Garzonas to get away anything? Unlikely!

Felipe Garzonas commits rape and battery. But because he’s the son of an ambassador he can just walk away, apparently.

So, Diplomatic Immunity is a principle of International Law that countries agree to under the 1961 Vienna Convention. The intent is to allow safe passage and peaceful foreign relations between nations. It is not a “license for misconduct” and there is a duty to respect laws.

As the son of an ambassador Felipe MIGHT have diplomatic immunity. If he’s under 21, or under 23 and in school, he would qualify. I mean to me he looks like maybe 35. If that’s the case then he has no immunity.

Pretending this man is 20 and that he has Diplomatic Immunity...he’s probably still in big trouble. Either a) the US can declare him a persona non grata and say “get out please” or b) the government of “Bogatago” can revoke his immunity leaving him open to criminal charges and prison time in the US. This has happened before! In 1997 when a Georgian representative drove under the influence and killed someone, the Georgian government revoked his immunity and he served time in North Carolina.

So, Jason should never have been put in the position of having confronted Garzonas himself. Gordon was totally within his rights to hold Garzonas and call up the embassy!

(This case also has a supposed “he says she says” element that I don’t have time to get into but Gordon should not have let him go imo if you want me to discuss this in another post let me know)

And don’t even get me started on THE JOKER GETTING DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY. And then?? Trying to assassinate the entire UN Security Council??? That’s. It’s a plot convenience don’t worry about it.

And that’s it! I hope this was educating and fun for my fellow Batman fans. If you want to talk more about Batman and the law feel free to reach out! Also if you like the law and comics in general LawintheMultiverse is a fun blog I read! I should??? Probably?? Ask to make a guest post there sometime!

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

47. Stupid Teenage crush

Prompt used- Touching their elbow to get their attention | ANGST | HURT COMFORT | IRL- based

To be 17 and to be in love, harry was no exception.

Harry saw it in his eyes, he really did.. but was he wrong. Was he so absolutely wrong...

They met in July again after years, last year. It wasn't such a special meet or something he could tell his kids about, it was just a simple meet with only a question being asked while they were doing potions homework. Harry was sat in the library doing his homework when he got stuck and desperately needed help and there he was, sitting in his black suit on the end of the table, scratching down his own work. Harry had asked for help in his notes, and without hesitation draco gave him his notebook and asked harry to return it to him whenever he wanted, as Long as it was before potions class. Harry had never thought of Draco differently until that moment he decided to help. Like a gentlemen, harry hurried the work and decided to hand draco his notebook before next potions lesson and so he did, that's when they hit it off when Draco tried to make a small conversation and it resulted into a long conversation on parchment in the classroom barely paying attention to the class.

From little conversations they went to long conversations to dropping draco off at the end of the day to his dorms and only then harry would walk away, smiling to himself. He didn't admit it to himself that he was slowly falling for draco until that very night harry was sitting on the floor talking with Ron and Hermione. It was like a random switch when Ron and Hermione shared a sweet simple kiss that it occurred to harry, he'd like to do it too, only the one he wanted to do it with was draco. It was journey from then, harry would wait to meet draco before class, would desperately make arrangements so he sat next to draco without dropping hints, walk back with him showing affection in his ways is teasing only because they were alone, hit him playfully, go to hogsmeade with him, eat with him, talk with him for Long hours after quidditch practices . Everything was brilliantly perfect for harry.

Draco looked at him the way only someone who liked you did, he locked eyes with across the room like no one else did, made him walk entire grounds off just so he didn't had to walk off to the dorms early and to spend more time with harry, draco never talked with anyone the way he did with harry, never was playful but with harry, he gave harry the smile only preserved for him. Everything between them was simply their own little secret and Harry felt wrecked. He felt warmth spread inside him everytime he saw draco. He felt, loved, happy when he was with him, something he thought he'd lost feeling of after the war but draco became something to quickly to Harry that he couldn't help anything but admire draco, even if he tried so hard not to. Harry spent his days daydreaming about being with draco, somewhere knowing that maybe draco too liked him.

He was relentlessly falling without caution until it was too late and harry experienced his first little heartbreak when he noticed the slight ways draco would flirt with Astoria. It only happened every once in a while, so harry didn't expect a lot but when one day because of being sick harry took a day off, he was next day met with draco's stories of walking back with Astoria, going to hogsmeade and eating with her. It bubbled little jealousy inside of him but harry had no right to be jealous, why did he ? He didn't love draco, did he? It was stupid crush, right ? A crush everyone have when they're 17, that'll die out soon ?

Harry should have been happy for him when he first heard draco admit he liked Astoria, he should've been happy for him and all he did gave him smile but he didn't walk back with him. He couldn't, he was too busy pushing his heart into the cage of no feelings for him but heart had to be one bratty little thing to fight back equally hard and harry remained all but cautiously falling, again I'm failed attempts to not fall.

Then the news came, Astoria dating Blaise, who had left school by now to associate his mother in business. Harry became relieved, only he was little more cautious to not let his heart be played but a man is only but a fool with none soldier to protect his heart when the blow hits. When they expanded their little circle, theo coming into their little circle, harry loved him too. He never had a friend like theo who hated the same things as his own, loved the same things as his own. It was easy to just blend into with theo but harry should've known better about the little hidden plans, the classes they took together that harry didn't with them. But theo knew, theo saw right through harry and remained committed to not only have harry have the opportunity when it came but also talk with harry about his little day dreams. But theo came with Astoria and when Astoria happened, harry said only but " I'm over draco, I don't like him" and that must've been his biggest mistake, Lying to himself and theo.

Days turned to weeks, into a month of final examinations, graduation coming nearer. Harry hadn't met draco or theo apart from little crossings in the library. But heart broken once should have known,

" hey, harry, can I ask you something ?" Theo asked as he pulled towards the corner one day In the library

" sure, go ahead " harry grinned as he shrugged

" I was hoping you won't get mad or anything because I know it would be wrong on my part, but just so you know, I am still your friend and if it makes you uncomfortable we won't do anything" theo babbled

" what's the matter theo ?" Harry frowned, worried for theo.

" d- harry- draco asked me out on a date after exams " theo swallowed.

Harry's face relaxed as he felt himself falling backward, only he wasn't. His heart sinked, his stomach felt funny and his toes curled. Harry gulped as he realised theo was waiting for some response.

" and I'm fine with it theo. It's really considerate of you to ask me but I've told you before theo, I'm over draco. He's a gone crush. I never even liked him that much you know. I stopped liking him after Astoria. I mean, really " harry chuckled softly as he smoothly lied .

Theo sighed in relief " thank god because I like him too but I just didn't want to hurt you because you know, you liked him. You're sure though, right ?"

" of course theo, of course " harry patted his shoulder " listen I gotta go, Hermione would kill me if I didn't study. See you around and definitely tell me about that date later, yeah " and harry rapidly walked off waving a goodbye with a smile until he turned around and his heart fell out of his chest. Harry thought and thought, thought hard as why couldn't he just simply get over draco. He hadn't seen him a month, Barely talked with him, he should not have felt saddened by the little revelation, he should've been happy for draco, he should have been. But he wasn't, he couldn't even after he so desperately tried.

It wasn't until the graduation day that harry saw draco finally. He was dressed in his characteristic dark green robes with a Slytherin bachelor hat, his degrees in his hands. Smiling he approached draco, almost touching his elbow to get his attention when he finally saw who was coming towards him and harry all but felt sickened again.

In his moments of weakness, harry never even realised when had he actually grabbed draco's elbow until Draco turned around with a sharp distracted smile

" harry " draco exclaimed happily

" h- hi , happy graduation " harry swallowed, fighting his breaking heart into pulling a smile.

" happy graduation to you too. You did great by the way. I'm so proud of you " draco grinned as he patted Harry's shoulder. Harry looked at his hand over his shoulder, wanting to touch it just so he could hold his hand but he didn't..

He wasn't Harry's.

Proudly harry pulled a better smile and savagely replied " bet you thought you'd be better than me "

Draco chuckled " never harry, you're Always the best "

And yet you're with him, not me.

Harry crackled a smile as theo too joined in and best pretended not to be completely heart broken by seeing the two being together.

That day harry understood if he ever understood anything, all wounds may heal but some wounds leaves scar and if too, somedays they may even sting but you gotta live through pain, because perhaps that was love.

I really want to write a part 2 to this. This one really had me thinking until the right inspiration hit, and here's something based of real life. Happy reading..

Requests open

Day 46- old habits | Day 48- because, it's you and me

[marshunter06]

Fuck Off, Excuse Me! Part 3

Cause this is apparently gonna be a thing now... Part 1 and Part 2 can be found here! Keep in mind the chapters are short and idk where I’m going with this. Also it’s not edited and updates will be random since irl is kicking my butt right now

Last class of the day and it’s history, which means she’ll have to make it through an hour with her soulmate. Given that she’s the class president, her teacher asks Courtney to show him the ropes and get him caught up with the rest of the class. She’s way ahead of the material, it only makes sense for her to help him out, she couldn’t even argue her way out of this. Besides, she has no reason to shy away from another responsibility when she’s not supposed to know this guy.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me Princess.”

“Just stay on your best behavior, neither of us want anything to do with each other, let’s just agree to stay out of each other’s way.”

“Who said I didn’t want anything to do with you, especially since we’re…”

“Shhhh! Do not finish that sentence!”

“What’s wrong? Are you afraid people will get the wrong idea?”

“We don’t know each other, maybe it’s a mistake.”

He rolls his sleeve down enough so that she can see her name inked on his skin, for her sake he does keep quiet, but a part of him hates that she wants to hide their bond. The hurt in his eyes is a dead giveaway, she looks away, a profound sadness sinks into her heart. Is this how he feels? Can soulmates feel each other’s pain? When she gets home, she’s determined to look up every piece of information about the soulmate phenomenon.

“You can’t even believe the truth when it’s right in your face. I can’t be the only one trying here.”

“All you’ve done is get on my nerves the entire day!”

“... I don’t need to explain myself to you. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

His ice blue eyes harden, as he turns to their assignment that they should’ve been working on. The moment he looks away, she feels the burning sensation on her arm again, though not as intense. She’s certain he must feel it too, but he doesn’t meet her gaze for the rest of class. She barely manages to finish the worksheet before the bell rings releasing them from school. Her heart is heavy as she gathers her belongings as they continue to avoid eye contact. It’s a bit awkward when they both have to head towards the parking lot to get to their cars. The sound of the revving of a motorcycle snaps her out of her thoughts. She smiles when she sees those familiar green eyes belonging to the one other person she tolerates at this school.

“Surprised to see you get out of class on time. Doesn’t Miss Class President have a club to attend to?”

“Well Mr. Vice President, it would do you well to remember that student council had to cancel this week’s meeting.”

“That’s why you’re the president.”

She laughs when he winks at her, the moment is short lived when she feels an angry presence behind her. Duncan is fuming, she immediately wants to explain herself, but then she remembers they’re not speaking. This is further proof that they do not know each other. She can tell he’s ready to cause a scene, making claim over her when he has no right, she meets his glare with a defiant stare.

“Who the fuck...”

“You will not speak to him this way. Trent’s been here longer than you have.”

“So he’s the reason why you won’t…”

“Don’t pretend you know anything about me. We just met Duncan, so don’t push it.”

“You know why I’m acting like this.”

“And I don’t care. This doesn’t change anything.”

“You’re not even giving this a chance.”

“Why should I?”

“Because…”

“Court? Is he…”

She lets out a sigh, it’s bad enough that Bridgette found out, now Trent knows too. She can feel a headache coming on, rubbing her temples, she decides to exit the conversation. All she wants is to go home and forget any of this happened. Concerned, Duncan reaches over to touch her, she gently pushes him away not ready to make up yet.

“Can we do this another time? I can’t think straight right now.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“Thanks, Cate will be happy to see you.”

Duncan wants to protest, he doesn’t like seeing her so close to another guy, especially when they seem to know each other so well. Soulmate or not, there are those who will still try and compete to win the heart of the one they desire. She doesn’t even give a backwards glance as she hops on the back of Trent’s motorcycle, riding away from the guy who’s supposed to be her other half.

[ladyvesuvia]

✧˖°࿐ 🍾 okay ves, this is not exactly a crush but rather a good friend of mine who I thought I liked for a little while (and may have, but not anymore), but circumstances and bad timing have made it clear that nothing will happen (and he has too... rip 🤟). but i was telling the story in the tags of my last post & i need to tell someone! he's a very funny guy and we're bickering all. the. time. like we genuinely barely talk in any way that's not back-and-forth banter to the point that our mutual friends changed his discord name to 'clara's lover' because of how much of an old couple we seem lmfao. but we do have heartfelt conversations when we're kinda... smashed at parties lol and it's like 4am and everyone is passed out and we're quietly talking and i've come to find out he's genuinely dedicated. like i didn't expect it from him but he's very sweet and attentive in his own ways - he's the only one who noticed i was Feeling Bad and checked on me, went to all the lengths possible to care for a friend of ours when she fell and hit her head... just an all-around surprisingly sweet and dedicated guy? and one time we were outside, it was 3am, i had stepped out to look at the stars cause they're my happy place when i'm down and i was feeling like shit lowkey. and he came outside with a few friends and i just started rambling about the stars and planets and constellations and how much i love them, and i was like, "i'm being so boring rn omg" but he just said that it was so cool i knew all of this? and that he didn't find it boring at all but rather loved it? space is super important to me so i was like <3 i feel Loved and Validated right this instant. later on we all laid on deckchairs and we were talking (with 2 other friends, we were 4 in total) and i remember drifting off to sleep in the middle of the conversation (at that point it must've been 4-4:30am) so it's all very hazy but they thought i was asleep and when it was time to get back inside he said, "i could carry her to her room" and i was like DO I PRETEND I'M ASLEEP SO HE DOES,,, and i was this close but they shook me a bit and so i woke up for real lol but it was one of the sweetest nights in my life and the moment i felt the most closure to all my friends and him in particular. rereading this it sounds like i am whipped for the guy but i'm really not, he's a sincerely good friend and we wouldn't work together romantically anyway so i backed down and i prefer it this way. but yeah this was my hot girl summer little romance daydream ♡ THIS WAS SO LONG SORRY AND IM GONNA HIDE BC WHAT IF SOMEONE I KNOW IRL SEES THIS

OMFG BABE I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY BECAUSE I’M IN KINDA THE SAME PLACE

he sounds so amazing!!! 😔 the clara’s lover is just so sweet and made me blush wtf ma’am you’re y/n right now- this felt so fun to read istg and him validating what you’re passionate about??? I LOVE HIM ALREADY AAAAAAAAA

HE’S JUST- AGH READING THIS GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!! the late night talks- 🤧✋🏻 i want this omg a book based on this would be perfect xx

THE I COULD CARRY HER TO HER ROOM OMFG MA’AM I’D SAY MARRY HIM BUT- HSCNFJJRIWA IDK WHAT TO SAY EVEN JUST HE SOUNDS SO GREAT HE SOUNDS FICTIONAL BUT LIKE IN THE BEST WAY like he’s that one fictional character you want to come to life???? agh i have so many questions like do you guys still talk? are you still friends? is his discord nick still clara’s lover? does he like you? did- I JUST HAVE SO MANY PLS DON’T FEEL SHY TO KEEP SENDING THESE IN BECAUSE I’M NOSY AND THIS IS SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY THRILLING TO ME I GET SO EXCITED BUT WHY NOT ANYMORE :<<<

YOU SHOULD HAVE PRETENDED YOU WERE ASLEEP OMFG I KNOW I WOULD HAVE DONE SO AHAHAHAHAJAJJAWJ wym hot girl summer bESTIE THAT’S MAIN GIRL COMING OF AGE AESTHETIC LOVE STORY THAT DESERVES A HAPPILY EVER AFTER

don’t hide bb this made me want to rant about my similar one omfg u don’t have to read this i just saw a lot of parallels to this and i couldn’t help but sjhdejiw because you saying the “we wouldn’t work out romantically” literally broke me because i feel the same way 😔

i know i say i love angst a lot but damn it why can’t things just be easy and always have a happily ever after?2!/&2@ i told him about writing and he literally said that it’s cool and that i’m good at what i do omfg this guy!!:!:&2 AND WE ALSO HAVE LATE NIGHT TALKS like mostly 12am to 4am just laughing and stuff he’s just someone i feel comfortable with but just imagining what we’d be romantically sounds too unorthodox? idk i mean i do like him and i am in fact head over heels for him but the minute i think about us in the same place that the couples my friends are in, IT FEELS SO STRANGER-Y???

i mean he liked me since 2019 but has been incosistent and he confessed to me on the 31st of december, 2019 BUT I DIDN’T SEE IT OK I WAS JUS TRYNNA REPLY TO PEOPLE HAPPY NEW YEAR and i only saw it like just this june 26 where i replied to it and i said “whatthefuck HAHAHAHA” and he freaked out and said DELETE THAT DELETE THAT hdhdueie idk rlly he’s just so great but i don’t wanna ruin our friendship

PLS THIS FEELS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN IDK WHY I’M KINDA ENJOYING IT

[rhapsodyinprogress]

A story about me, The West Wing, why returning to the fandom means so much to me, and how you’re all just going to have to deal with endless TWW posts on my disaster blog for the foreseeable future. Behind the cut for (incredibly self-indulgent) length:

In the spring of 2000, I, in a fit of end-of-the-school-year ennui, flopped my 14-year old self into the couch in my living room and watched the season finale of some political drama my parents were into at the time.

“What is this?” I asked, only mildly interested because it was neither The X-Files nor Buffy and thus had no one fighting monsters which meant it was beneath my notice.

“The West Wing,” my mom said, “It’s really good, I think you’d like it,”

“It’s about American politics,” said I, in the manner of one discussing a very large slug crawling up the wall. I was both a teenager and Canadian and thought, therefore, that nothing could be less exciting.

“Yes, but it’s not just about that,” my Mom replies, “Just watch and see what you think,”

So did. I sat through “What Kind of Day has it Been” . Y’all know how that episode ends, though it was not just the ending that grabbed me. After, I quietly excused myself to go sit on the family computer for three hours looking up EVERY SINGLE THING I could find about this show. Who were these people? What did their job titles mean? Were the blond assistant and her cute boss in love? IT WAS SO IMPORTANT ALL OF A SUDDEN.

I watched the reruns over the summer. As many as they aired (it would be a while before I actually managed to watch season 1 in its entirety) and by the time ITSOTG aired I was ALL IN. During the chaos of the opening scenes we were predicting who besides the president was shot and my mom goes, “It’s going to be the young cute one. Not Rob Lowe...”

“Sam,” I interrupted.

“....the other one,”

“Josh,” I supplied immediately.

And my mother, who had watched me obsess over the X-Files since I was 10, who knew I was unstoppable once I decided to fixate on something, just kind of looked at me and went, “Oh boy,”

Cue one of the most intense love affairs I have ever had with a show. I printed this picture:

and taped it to my closet beside the boy bands and the magazine cut outs and the endless X-Files and Buffy posters I already had. I devoted one little corner of my wall to pictures of Josh and Donna, because you better believe I latched onto THAT right away. 

At that point in time, the two major television fandom hubs were Livejournal and the Television Without Pity boards. I lived on there, but posted rarely, because I was still only 15, 16, 17 and super shy and NONE of my IRL friends gave even one shit about this show (”So I’ve been watching The West Wing” I’d tell them in an off-hand way, immediately earning a series of “Did Meg just sprout an extra head?” looks) so I just sort of quietly loved it with all my heart and never talked about it with anyone. 

I wrote fanfiction (BAD, fanfiction - TWW staffers get trapped in a snow storm! Donna has a stalker! Donna and Josh get caught up in a sting operation for inexplicable reasons and have to pretend to be married!), I copied quotes into my notebooks. I think there was even a period where I attempted to draw storyboards for an animated series? Because I was prepping for animation school at that point and CLEARLY  West Wing: The Animated Series was what was missing from the world.

But here’s the thing. I was an anxious, awkward, weird teen. I was an excellent student, not because I was super smart, but because I wrapped all my self-worth into my grades and the opinions of my teachers and thus broke myself keeping my average up. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I didn’t have and had never had a romantic partner (which seemed VERY important to me at the time) and though I was “popular” after a fashion, I mostly had a sea of acquaintances and few close friends. And as bizarre as it sounds, TWW was the thing I turned to when the anxiety spiral got too intense.

There was something comforting about these incredibly smart, ferociously competent people who made huge mistakes and had massive crisis of confidence and struggled and needed each other and all of this messy, complicated stuff. I loved those people. I loved how much they loved each other. The show made me a better writer, certainly, and enormously impacted my sense of humour, and honestly I think made me smarter somehow?  Like it influenced my ability to problem solve and think critically. Maybe I’m giving it too much credit  I don’t really know, but it certainly FELT like it.

And then the show ended, and I only had seasons 1 & 2 on DVD and couldn’t afford the rest and eventually they stopped airing reruns and I was 20 by then and clawing my way through art college and I just... let the show fade back into something I loved intensely once but wasn’t going to think of again.

And then 2020 happened. 

Oh BOY did 2020 ever happen.

By the time I started hearing about the “When we all vote” special, I had watched my way through all my nostalgic “comfort” shows: X-Files, Buffy, Firefly, Dr. Who, Grey’s Anatomy. But TWW was on US Netflix and I hadn’t figured out VPNs yet, lol.

I was, at that point, also in the midst of just a terrible mental health patch. Like, I had no idea how I was getting through the end of the year. I waited for the HBO special to show up on Crave. It was something to look forward to, and there were so many cast interviews coming out, it was a great distraction. When I finally got to watch, I literally sobbed all the way through, while simultaneously grinning from ear to ear. 

So I got me a VPN, and the re-watch began.

And suddenly, my ability to write (which is an ENORMOUS part of my, like, soul) came back. I finished two fanfics, started working on three more. I came back to tumblr and found SO MANY other people who had either done a 2020 re-watch just like me, or who chose that year to watch for the first time. Fans younger than me and older than me and in exactly the same boat as me and OH MAN. It has just helped my heart SO MUCH.

I’m getting so much joy out of being part of the community around this show that saved me a bunch of times as a teenager and then came around and did it again now that I’m in my 30s. 

So all this to say, if you’ve followed me recently, welcome! I’m so happy you’re here. And I’m SO HAPPY to be here.

[flourchildwrites]

Hello! Hope you're ok! I wanted to ask, excuses if I'm bothering you, if we will have kerosene 2 this year or should we wait 'til next one 🤭.

😅  This has been in my inbox forever, anon.  I wish I could have gotten to it sooner.  It was not my intention to ignore you.  I really appreciate nice asks, and I felt terrible that I wasn't able to give you an answer when you sent this.  I am never bothered by asks like these, anon or otherwise.

I have every intention of working on the second chapter of Kerosene and getting it posted.  In fact, I was making excellent progress with it until mid-November of 2020.  And then... I got pregnant.  🥰  And a short time later I developed severe morning sickness (which was more like constant, unrelenting nausea)...  🤢

If I hadn’t been in the middle of moderating @fmasecretsanta2020, I probably would have announced a hiatus, but I really wanted to see that commitment through.  Likewise, I didn't want to announce my pregnancy during my first trimester.  (I’ve always been shy about sharing IRL stuff on tumblr.)  Even though I know I’ve still got a long way to go to get to 40 weeks (anything can happen), I’m happy to say I’ve made it to my second trimester, and the morning sickness is beginning to let up.

In the meantime, I do have a sneak peek of chapter 2 of Kerosene:

The hallway is blessedly empty, and Ray grasps his chance to dart toward the staircase that will take him to his room in the basement.  He almost makes it before the rough sound of a young man clearing his throat cut through the muffled sounds of Gilda clearing the table.

“Retreating so soon,” Norman’s cold voice croons.  “If I remember correctly, you have dish duty with Gilda for the next month.  You aren’t skipping out on the first night of our new schedule, are you?”

Damn, he forgot about the dishes.  Still, Ray schools his expression, obliging his mouth to twist into a smirk and his back to slump forward.  The young man’s clenching hands find refuge in his pockets, and he turns to face Norman whose expression is light, except for the intense focus in his eyes that is all silver and cold.

Ray scoffs in defiance as he starts back toward the kitchen.  “That was clever of you, killing two birds with one stone.  You covered your tracks and punished me for forcing you to stray from your plan.  Don’t worry.  You can thank me later when you come to your senses.”

They’re close now, standing almost shoulder-to-shoulder on either side of the hallway.  It’s close enough for Ray to watch as his words do their worst.  If sharp looks could cut, Ray knows he’d already be in pieces on the floor.

“I don’t have to do anything,” Norman whispers with a menacing tone.  “I just have to be patient.  Do you really think you won’t hurt Emma when she realizes that you don’t really love her in that way?  She is quick and intuitive.  She’ll see your indifference for what it is, and then I will have every reason to make that rule with the full support of the household. So, I guess I should be thanking you, Ray.”

Norman has a point, but Ray won’t be rattled. He allows his gaze to remain lazy and unclenches his hands within his pockets.  Norman is, after all, a rook of a person.  He’d shrewd, to be certain, but he moves in straight lines, with near tunnel vision on the goal in sight.  Ray, on the other hand, considers himself the black knight, a bit unpredictable at first glance and more than willing to play the villain for a good cause.

“But what if you’re wrong?” Ray asks, calm and collected.  “What if I was only ever waiting for you to step aside?  We both have history with Emma, give or take some silly cup phone craft that, let’s be honest, she can’t even remember.  I’m almost as smart as you, more athletic than you and reckless just like Emma.  When you think about it, we’ve got a lot in common, and I’m not emotionally constipated.”

For a split-second, Norman can’t hide his reaction.  His thin face pales, and his baby-blue eyes flash brighter with malice.  Ray won’t pretend it doesn’t feel good to know he’s struck a nerve, even if it’s mostly bullshit.  Though Norman is emotionally constipated.  Every good lie needs a kernel of truth.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would.  Unless you have a sudden urge to confess to Emma.  Then, I might be feeling magnanimous enough to step aside, but that would be too easy, wouldn’t it Norman?”

The last time Ray and Norman had this kind of passionate disagreement, Ray found his fist buried in Norman’s shirt, quietly throttling him in their Grace Field dormitory.  Somehow, Ray managed to snatch the superior bargaining position from Norman that night, and this time won’t be any different.

Norman’s cold stare pins Ray to the spot.  His lips curl into sneer, blood boiling beneath pale skin.  And yet, there is no violence in the hallway, just harsh words and cockiness countered by fury.  It’s Ray’s move.

“It’s settled then,” Norman declares.  His voice tremors in the slightest.  “I’ll give you the space you want to mess this all up, and I’ll be there for Emma when you break her heart-“

“You’ll be there for her as a lover?”

“No, like a brother,” he spats.  “Like the family I am to both of you.”

“If you say so, boss.”

Ray starts to move past Norman toward the kitchen, but he feels his companion's shoulder bump against his as they pass in the hallway.  The shoulder check isn’t forceful, but the friction between them is palpable.  And Ray knows there is no accident; it’s intentional.  Neither Ray nor Norman are children anymore.  Norman is the head of household, and Ray, though somewhat reclusive, is a senior member.  Physical fights are not couth.

Words, however, are fair game.  They can cut deep if a person knows how to use them.  Ray’s rusty perhaps, whiling away his days between oil changes and brake pad replacements in a noisy garage, but he knows an opportunity when he sees it.

“Sweet dreams,” he quips, knowing Norman will have anything but.

And yet, as Ray enters the kitchen to start washing the dishes alongside Gilda, he can’t help but feel he’s got his work cut out for him.

[kuroosweakness]

hi! can i um just rant really quick? ever since this school year has started i haven’t been going to my classes because i have bad social anxiety. i know it’s like stupid because we’re doing school online so i should be okay with it more but i don’t know it feels more scarier for me. and when i had school in person, i was quite forced to go to my classes. it wasn’t like online where i had the choice to go to my classes, in irl i couldn’t just close the laptop and forget about it. i did occasionally ask my cousin to pick me up early from school though. but i had countless of meetings with my guidance counselor about it and she even told the teachers about it and the teachers agreed on this rule where if i’m ever feeling anxious i can log out at any time but i’d have to come back eventually but even then it’s hard. because i feel like when i log in the students are going to be annoyed that i came in class all of a sudden after missing months of classes. and i’m so behind too, i’m pretty sure when i go in the classes i’ll understand nothing and what if the teachers call on me or i have to go in an breakout room? it’s just so stressful and i feel so bad because here’s my guidance counselor setting up rules for the teachers and offering me an free thearpist, my parents just patiently waiting for me to finally join my classes, and my online friends encouraging me all the way only to be disappointed when i tell them i didn’t log in again. i just feel so bad and everyday i wake up and tell myself i’m going to go to my classes no matter what but when i see the join zoom button i start shaking and it feels hard to breathe and all of a sudden my laptop is closed and an sudden disgust of joining my classes comes to mind. i just feel so bad and i entirely blame this on myself because i have been given multiple opportunities and yet i miss each one but i just can’t help it. and today i have another meeting with my guidance counselor and i’m so scared to talk to her, she’s probably so done with me. in fact, i’m pretty sure everyone including me has just given up at this point :’)

but yeah that’s it...sorry to be a bother! you don’t even have to reply back to this if you don’t want too. i already feel a bit better finally telling someone :)

hi bubs, of course, rant to me at any time: 

i’m sorry you have to go through that everyday :’ you’re already so strong for trying and acknowledging it. you mentioned that you talk to your guidance counselor? communicating with guidance counselors isn’t an easy task yet you’ve gotten past it :) 

(i’m not really good with words, giving advice, or comforting people, i do apologize in advance :’) but i am good at listening/...reading) 

 even though you’ve given yourself many opportunities, there are still many to come!! you’re not wasting opportunities, they were all used to help you build up to a big difference! 

i hope your teachers let you stay on mute and leave your camera off, that way you won’t feel as pressured. going to meetings while on mute and camera off is a lot less pressuring than having camera on :’) 

about breakout rooms: they’re the worst ahhhhhhh don’t feel pressured to say anything! just listen to them talk and even if they ask you to talk, don’t say anything if you don’t want to. it might be awkward, but believe me, they’ll forget about it 2 minutes later. while breakout rooms (oh how i hate that word) are definitely terrifying to think about, try not to think about them too much. try to see them as a “break” from class. if it helps, get up from your seat and walk to a different setting to distract yourself from class, pull out a book, apply some makeup, get some food, put on another outfit, get a bathroom break, pretend you’re not even in class 

to avoid teachers calling on you, maybe you can tell your guidance counselor about it, i’m sure she’ll understand! maybe then she’ll talk to your teachers about it and tell them not to call on you for questions. that way, you won’t have to worry about the possibility of your name being called out

and no, your guidance counselor, your teachers, your friends aren’t tired of you!! they’re there to help and support you, bubs! <3 though i don’t know you personally, i’m sure you’re doing great! 

if you have multiple classes, try to find one class or two that you feel most comfortable in/least uncomfortable in. try to regularly attend that one class and hopefully as time goes by, you’ll start feeling more comfortable around zoom meetings 

~~~

if it helps a bit, try to pretend that the zoom meeting button is like a button to reach another level. after pressing it, you’ve unlocked something new! 

if you have comfort foods, comfort stuffed animals, comfort blankets, anything that keeps you comfortable, reach for it for support. they’re all there for you 

i don’t know if this will help but instead of you pressing the zoom button, maybe you can get a stuffed animal to press the keypad for you and set the stuffed animal in front of your device ... you two can be a team working together :) 

most importantly: never stop trying!!!! as long as if you’re trying, you’re making progress, you’re doing great, you’re doing better than you can imagine. even if you do lose motivation, that’s okay! you’re not “taking a step back”, you’re simply recollecting yourself before taking another step forward 

~~~ 

if it helps, maybe we have class around the same time and i can attend class “with you” :) we can help each other attend class on time! 

my time zone’s PST and i usually have school in the afternoon. even if our time zone doesn’t work out, you can still message/send me asks while you’re in class or about to join and maybe talking to me can help a bit :’)) ! <3 

~~~

if you log into a zoom class, tell me about it so i can be proud of you!! :)) if you don’t, that’s okay! tell me about it anyways and i’ll still be just as proud to hear from you 

i wish i can give you a big hug right now :’ <33 

(please don’t take my advice too seriously ahhh try whatever helps you! and if there’s a part of something i said that doesn’t make sense or you don’t agree with, ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there :’) these are based on things that i would do that i hope can help a bit <3 ) 

i really hope you’re feeling better now <33 *bear hug* 

you’re. not. a. bother. >:((( !!! never was, never will be. 

assuming u like haikyuu too, who’re ur comfort characters? :) 

[literaphobe]

🎁

god u know what i’m thinking about right now? the fact that my official (i guess) first crush told me he liked me from the beginning and wanted to ask me out a long time ago but decided not to because he thought i just wanted to be friends? anyway i thought this whole thing was just a fun lil exchange of “lmao we used to have feelings for each other”

but the thing is after we told each other this stuff he was like “oh so what should we do about this? should we go on a date?” so i think i’ve said here before that i freaked out for hours and took like at least one really cold shower(?) and then proceeded to dodge meeting him irl for 1-2 months? yeah well i remember the full reason why now

my brain literally was like “oh no you’ve somehow managed to trick him into liking you. you can’t see him now. the second he sees you he’ll realize this was all a mistake and he was stupid for saying that he likes you. maybe it’s a lie and he’s pretending he used to want u when actually he didn’t. and he’ll realize it’s not worth the lie once you see him again. he’s going to realize he doesn’t actually like you somehow and you’re gonna go back to being unwanted” which is the dumbest thing because. we used to go to school together???? he would see me every day????? but then i managed to convince myself also that i somehow was hot at the time (but didn’t realize it because back then i also thought i was undesirable) but NOW i am no longer hot and am somehow very ugly and disgusting.... there’s no winning huh

[punkscowardschampions]

Libi & Bobby

Libi: Guess what I’ve just seen

Bobby: ?

Libi: Had art first lesson

Libi: Look what was on the noticeboard when I got out

Libi: [Audition sign-up list]

Libi: !!!

Bobby: You haven’t written our names down yet

Libi: 😃😃 yeah?

Libi: The premise sounds interesting

Libi: not the worst; remember that Cinderella knock-off they did when I first started? That was REAL cringey

Bobby: There’s loads of people I’d fake kill, none I’d stay out til midnight 💃🕺 with

Libi: Maybe the ‘glass’ slippers are still in the cupboard

Libi: you can make it your diva request

Libi: you really FEEL your character would wear shoes made out of sellotape in every scene

Bobby: sticking to the floor might make me a bit easy to catch ❌🏃🏻🚔🚨

Bobby: I’ll probably save them to wear backstage

Libi: Power move

Libi: In English now, but I’ll go have a loo break and sign us up

Libi: There were only a few names already on there

Bobby: Hang on, is there anyone signed up that’ll put me off? You left that off the pic

Libi: Signing up doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll get a part

Bobby: yeah but

Bobby: whose name are you deliberately not saying

Libi: China must’ve had music, she would’ve passed by it too

Bobby: She’ll only be after the lead

Bobby: be alright when you get it, we won’t see no sign of her

Libi: There’s the 😇/😈 leads though

Libi: Which one do you think Jake will like? OMG! 🙄

Bobby: 😈🤘🎸 DUH

Libi: She already thinks she’s a femme fatale in her day-to-day

Libi: I hope someone else gets it, she’ll be seething

Libi: Mean but can you imagine?

Libi: She’d be unbearable

Bobby: You heard me say you will, unless you’re seriously gonna just audition for 😇

Libi: You think I could pull that off?

Libi: I’ll take any role I suit

Bobby: I think you’d suit a one-woman show but sir bothered to 💭 up all those roles now so it’d be a bit rude

Libi: You overestimate my abilities 😚

Libi: but it is encouraging

Libi: I think it could be really cool if you were the 😈 guy if I WERE to be the 😈 girl, because we could basically secretly communicate and no one would clock it was us ‘til the end and it’d be such a good reveal that we were signing in plain sight, you know?

Bobby: You underestimate yourself, that’s such a top idea, for 1.

Bobby: I was still trying to work out how to audition nevermind how they’d sort it if I got given the role

Bobby: 🏆🥇🎬

Bobby: Gutted you’re not directing it and all for 2.

Libi: You didn’t think I was going to volunteer us without a solid idea, did you?

Libi: Work on your brooding cold stare, Bobs 😝

Libi: I think they film it, but I also think Mr Mullan sets up a static tripod at the back of the hall and if anyone’s ma or da gets up the ‘shot’ is ruined 😷

Bobby: I never thought you wouldn’t get there, Libs, just wasn’t expecting it that fast

Bobby: I’ll stick on Clockwork Orange and The Shining and Voila! 👍

Bobby: Yeah? Didn’t have Mr M down as such an amateur

Libi: 🏃‍♀️

Libi: Oh, we have to have movie night

Libi: let Jim and Jan know it’s basically homework 🤞

Libi: Makes sense to get ahead of the competition

Libi: You’re free, right?

Bobby: If I wasn’t I’d be cancelling plans

Libi: I’d question who I was talking to if not

Bobby: 💔 if I’d been hacked and it took you this long to work it out

Libi: Never

Libi: not even in a bad teacher-written Agatha knock-off

Libi: too far fetched

Bobby: Sir sounds like he’s not above a 🔪 in the back murder if he’s still team tripod

Libi: I can’t wait to get out the corn syrup 😋

Libi: We can watch Scream even though it isn’t strictly genre

Bobby: Taxi Driver, The Godfather and Kill Bill too then for the 🥇🩸🏆

Libi: Now you’re talking

Libi: we might need a weekend marathon

Libi: now they’re boring adults, can’t pull all-nighters, even for 🥇🩸🏆

Bobby: maybe we can bribe them with back instead of front row seats

Bobby: not having to sit next to China’s mum could swing loads for us

Libi: Oh God

Libi: She LOVES to talk

Libi: and treat them like she’s known them since/they’re still kids

Bobby: I don’t wanna 🤞 that neither get roles, America’d probably be decent at the over the top stuff sir’s gonna want to make people laugh

Bobby: distance’ll have to do

Bobby: I’ll 🤞 instead that she don’t notice them sneaking in or out

Libi: She’ll for sure get a role, if she’s auditioning

Libi: Which I bet she will, the get-out-of-lessons-free pull is real for us all

Libi: She’ll be too busy making her own 📹 I reckon

Bobby: 🤔 How many lessons do you reckon we’ll end up missing?

Libi: The nearer the performance the more rehearsals they usually end up pulling for

Libi: But it’s Wednesday and Friday after school, so sometimes we get to miss last lesson on those days

Bobby: Alright, I’ll get over my 😳

Libi: You’ll be great

Libi: I wonder what other boys will audition

Libi: There’s never quite enough boys

Libi: What about Sean?

Bobby: I can’t imagine him learning lines

Bobby: Jake’s mates though, easy to 💭 of them trying to take over

Libi: Totally, every school event is a popularity contest as far as their egos are concerned

Libi: Some of them will think they’re too cool to even do it for a laugh but really it’s just 😳

Libi: As long as we have each other, it doesn’t matter

Bobby: It’ll be great, me and you, even if it takes me a sec longer to find my feet without sellotape 👠

Libi: 😚

Libi: It’ll be good to have a school thing we can actually do together

Libi: this school needs better clubs

Bobby: I bet he’ll let you start a 🎥📽🎞 club after the play

Bobby: when he’s 🤞🤩🤞 you’ll sign up for the next one

Libi: Okay I don’t know about that but that would be fun

Libi: even if it was just you and me again because no one else has seen a film that isn’t in Netflix’s catalogue 😆

Bobby: Even if it’s just us he’ll have a hard job ❌😒👎 when you’ve done such a good one

Libi: We’ll see 🤞

Libi: Usual spot at break then? I better go do some actual work now 😓

Bobby: 👀

Bobby: Me too, dunno who said there wasn’t any in transition year

Libi: They want to make it seem like there’s a break between exams, but as if they’re gonna let you get away with doing nothing

Libi: not got enough ideas to keep you busy 😏

Libi: Guess it is nice to have all that time to decide what to pick for next year but if you’ve already got a good idea… 🤷‍♀️

Bobby: Reckon if they could force everyone in the year towards that sign up sheet they would

Bobby: about as far as their ideas go

Bobby: good thing I can sort myself out

Libi: With a little help 🤏

Libi: I know my Grandma will help us out loads though, she’ll be buzzing about this

Bobby: Yeah 🤏 of work with Jim at his for a start

Bobby: when I’m not fake murdering people with you anyway

Bobby: he’ll be buzzing at the chance to art and craft again too 😏

Libi: Awh

Libi: Bet he’s missed school so much, like

Bobby: 😂

Libi: [Skip to day where they put the roles up]

Libi: I think I’m going to be late

Libi: If you want to walk to school without me

Bobby: I don’t mind waiting, not got loads on first thing

Libi: I can’t get my hair to do anything

Libi: stupid, I know

Bobby: I get it, you wanna look worthy of your starring role

Bobby: you’ve already earned it though

Libi: More like, I don’t want to look a total mess if I already made an idiot out of myself in auditions

Libi: China’s gloating will be insufferable enough without giving that satisfaction too

Bobby: I was there Libs, you didn’t

Bobby: China’ll be the one dreading the list and you can 😁 all you like

Libi: Lowkey feel like I’m gonna barf, this is ridiculous

Libi: and no one seems to know if they’ll put the list up break or lunch-time

Bobby: if you wanna stay home, I’ll keep lookout for it

Libi: No, I can’t do that

Libi: but thanks, I’ll only be 5 more minutes, max, promise

Bobby: enough time for me to make you a congrats card

Libi: Only if you make yourself one too

Libi: If I get a part, it’s only because of you, so you will too

Bobby: if I get a part it’s only because of you, more like

Bobby: and Jake’s mates messing up most of their lines

Libi: Okay, it’s not me admitting I was amazing to say some of them were awkwardly bad 😬

Libi: Thought Sir might start crying/have his nervous breakdown before we’d even started

Libi: Oh God what if one of us gets a role where we have to be all 😍 with one of that lot instead, that’ll be so… 😰

Bobby: I’d have to drop out of it before being 😍 with her

Bobby: save me from my own breakdown or her from a real murder

Libi: We can’t let you go that method, let the 🤩 go to your head

Bobby: You keep my head the right size, I’ll keep you from 🤮

Libi: Keep your hands clean of any real 🩸 it’s not that play

Libi: 🤐 on the name

Bobby: You don’t reckon I could play Scotish royalty? It’s not like I have to bother with the accent

Libi: ‘course you could

Libi: and she’d make an excellent witch

Libi: totally a compliment 😇

Libi: alright, I’m ready

Bobby: So’s your card

Bobby: If I was as 😇 as you, I’d have made her one saying sorry she missed out

Libi: no substitute for 🌹 at her feet, I feel

Libi: let’s 👀

Libi: [can skip again to after we actually know, ‘cos clearly that would be in person at school]

Bobby: [fuck that teacher for having a marvelous time ruining everything]

Libi: [could’ve been brave and taken that risk but nah, so rude]

Libi: hey

Libi: you awake?

Bobby: [at least IRL he could focus on being happy for her cos he is instead of having to pretend it’s fine when it’s not fine which she obvs would’ve seen through]

Bobby: You don’t need to keep worrying, you got the part over her and she’s still got one to keep her too busy if she fancies sabotage

Libi: I’m not worried

Libi: just bummed out, I suppose

Bobby: prospect of spending that much time with Jake’ll do that

Bobby: maybe China’ll bully him into quitting

Libi: he isn’t even her boyfriend

Libi: not that it matters, because it’s acting

Libi: I really thought he’d go for our idea

Bobby: I probably should’ve known he wouldn’t

Bobby: sorry for getting your hopes up, Libs

Libi: It’s not your fault

Libi: it feels kind of… wrong?

Libi: but not in a provable way, arguably he was better for the role and you still have one so

Libi: I don’t know

Libi: I’m sorry, are you alright?

Bobby: It’s not yours either, and yeah, maybe he was better

Bobby: face, and more importantly voice, fits

Bobby: we still get to hang out, that’s what’s alright by me

Libi: I don’t think he’s better

Libi: but yeah, that’s what it’s all about

Libi: and there’s plenty other people who got cast who are actually nice

Libi: we could do our own rehearsals separate to the regular ones, once a week or something, with those people, do some bonding

Libi: friday nights maybe? get takeout, watch a relevant movie or show, it doesn’t have to be all serious and 🤓

Bobby: Then I don’t care what sir thinks

Bobby: I’m in and Sean will be too, I don’t see why crew should be left out

Libi: 😊

Libi: Totally, whoever wants to come can

Libi: just think it’s fair to assume that they won’t wanna come any more than we’d really like them there

Bobby: What’s the first film or show gonna be?

Libi: That’s the question 🤔

Libi: [The relevant Poriot episodes] One of these, for sure, but how do you decide between a deadly murder mystery party and a deadly halloween party?!

Bobby: You were ready, have you been watching them both instead of 😴?

Libi: Maybe

Bobby: Your dreams are gonna be so on brand, let me know about it if you kill Jake

Libi: Bobby 😂

Libi: Imagine the look on her face if I was overheard dreaming about Jake

Bobby: 😡🤬🤯

Libi: Not trying too convince him it’s real, just the audience

Bobby: Neither of them need much convincing, they’re sure everyone’s 😍💘🌹 for them and their mate group

Libi: It’s so weird

Libi: How are they so unaware?

Bobby: I dunno but it don’t help now that sir has fuelled the 🔥

Libi: Yeah 🙄

Libi: Main characters of the School

Libi: must be nice to be so in 💘 with yourself

Bobby: You got a bit of their usual 👏🌹 today, what did you think?

Libi: I wouldn’t go that far

Libi: we all got parts

Libi: I don’t feel any different or better, that’d be weird

Bobby: 🤏 I said,‘cause I knew you wouldn’t

Bobby: but alright, I’m glad you’re still you

Libi: You thought I’d turn into a total diva? 🥺

Libi: how very rude 😏

Bobby: I’m just sulking ‘cause Mullan literally cast me as a mime, white gloves and all

Libi: Oh no

Libi: Can’t unsee 😬

Libi: but you’re gonna make it so much more than that

Libi: even if just to spite him, prove how 🔥 you can be without a voice

Bobby: and for the next play, unless it’s a musical or something even more 😬 than Cinderella

Libi: There’s the whole Disney catalogue to go through…

Libi: OMG

Bobby: Just don’t start dreaming of Jake as your prince charming

Libi: NO

Libi: LET ME STOP SHOUTING

Libi: but how cool would you as a boy Ariel be

Libi: unless you really want flowing long red hair

Bobby: BUT it’s such a fun throwback 🔊❕📢❗️

Bobby: 🤔💭?

Bobby: put it in the school suggestion box tomorrow in all CAPS

Libi: Hey! 😳

Libi: I was much younger and even more foolish back then

Libi: I’m reticent to give any more of my good ideas to Mr Mullan now

Bobby: yeah, what’s his excuse for being a poohead?

Libi: If we’re bringing up past embarrassments

Libi: I remember PLENTY too, FYI 😜

Libi: Honestly, I don’t know why J&J didn’t try harder to tell me to 🔉

Bobby: You’d never 😳 me when I’m down

Bobby: and you shouldn’t be 😳 for then, it was 🤝 not 👊

Bobby: your heart has always been massive and right where it should be

Libi: Backatcha Bobs 😊

Libi: Best friends for a reason

Bobby: Exactly, so you don’t have to worry

Bobby: we’ll have as much fun doing the play as we planned

Libi: That’s all I care about

Libi: well, I’d quite like to not shame myself and do a good job with this play

Libi: definitely 🥈 though

Bobby: Well that’s a given and all, didn’t you read your congrats card?

Bobby: I’ll have to get some real 🌹🌹 to chuck, you won’t be able to ignore them

Libi: Of course I did

Libi: but you’re my best friend, you HAVE to say all those things

Bobby: I’m a non-speaking character, saying it in spite of that

Bobby: must be important

Bobby: 🤏

Libi: I’ll stop worrying at full 🔊

Libi: It’ll be good

Libi: Do you think I should like, try to get together with Jake and Louie, get to know them and work out how to make our respective 💘s work?

Libi: I can’t think how to word it without sounding like I’m being thirsty

Bobby: *at any volume

Bobby: It will be good, I promise

Bobby: you could ask if they wanna run lines, see how they react, if they take it as you’re 😍💘🌹 1.’cause it’s them you’re expecting that and 2. it’s such a 😇🤓 request they’d be the ones who look 🤤

Libi: Ugh, how is that easy for you? 😎

Libi: That’s perfect

Libi: they signed up for the play too, they must wanna put some effort in too

Bobby: I wouldn’t go that far *😳

Bobby: It should work alright though, they bothered to learn their lines for the audition on top of signing up

Libi: Louie is alright

Libi: I’ll start with him

Libi: Lucie who’s playing the maid is cute

Bobby: He is, you’ll be alright

Libi: Don’t you think so?

Libi: She could be your 💘 and she can really beef up her role and be devastated when you get whacked

Bobby: I don’t mind her being 💔 if she wants but I don’t think I need a 💘

Libi: Married to the job

Libi: I see it

Bobby: There you go, it makes loads of sense

Libi: Plus Lord whatshisface might be being a rogue with her

Libi: that makes more sense

Bobby: 😂

Libi: Do you wanna go to the shops after school tomorrow? 👀 inspo even if we just window shop

Bobby: There’s loads of props I wanna have a go at making so I do need to have a look about to get them right

Bobby: it’s a date

Libi: I’ll wait on the 🌹🌹

Libi: Really should do some work for them first

Bobby: I can always put to 🖍 paper or fold you a paper one

Libi: Only if you colour it in [her favourite crayon colour name]

Bobby: [We’re obviously doing that as we watch these Agatha eps so prove of both those things in progress is gonna get sent]

Libi: 😇🤓 points x1000

Bobby: That’ll be why sir didn’t give me the 😈 role, if we asked

Libi: Hmm

Libi: He’s just failing to see your full potential but not for long

Libi: no one can ignore the talent

Bobby: He’s seen my potential for carrying a tray, might be as far as it goes for him

Bobby: least until my 🔈🧜‍♂️ starring role changes his mind

Libi: You are old enough to get that part-time job

Bobby: Imagine serving China and her mates ☕️ every day though

Bobby: not to disrespect the family trade but

Libi: 😅 I’m sure Jim would NEVER wish that on you

Libi: At least Asia was kinda nice, she could be anyway

Libi: Comparing her group to China’s now, feel like you’d be worse off

Bobby: he might wish the tips on me, but I reckon you’re right about it not being worth it

Libi: That’s true, it’s probably the best 💰💰 part-time

Libi: I want to get one, to help out, but I don’t know what I’ll do

Bobby: I’m gonna see if a proper job’ll come of going to work with him this year, even if that’s just doing ☕️ for everyone

Libi: That’d be ideal

Libi: I can totally see it happening, you’re enjoying it and they’re all impressed with you

Libi: 🤞🤞

Bobby: And we’ve got time to find a job for you 🎥📽🎞 that isn’t just scooping 🍿 into a carton

Libi: If I got to watch all the films for free

Libi: but that kind of slacking would make the whole job bit of it pointless 😅

Libi: We’ve got time

Libi: maybe I’ll be a maid

Libi: or a socialite, without the social-standing

Bobby: I bet [the name of a cinema that still plays films in an old school way] would train you as a projectionist

Libi: 😱

Libi: I can’t believe I’ve never thought about that

Libi: Do you think they would? That’d be-

Libi: -well 😍

Bobby: I’d put 💰💰 from my first wage on it

Bobby: you know loads of complicated stuff about 🎥📽🎞 already, I reckon they’d be 😁 to have you

Libi: I’ll take an IOU on a commission instead 🖼

Libi: 😘

Libi: Definitely going to look into it, I’ll have to see what hours they’d allow… nan and grandad might not be cool with the late shift a cinema allows for

Bobby: they might if J or J agree to pick you up

Bobby: but either way we’ve got a deal 🌹 not included

Libi: I could ask

Libi: but I don’t wanna put them out either

Libi: anyway, what am I even worrying about, it’s not like it’s happening yet, if at all 🤨🙄

Libi: Play hysteria is real

Bobby: by the time it is maybe you’ll let me pick you up 🚗

Libi: Maybe… 😱😜

Libi: Seems crazy you aren’t still 6 sometimes

Bobby: 😲!!!

Bobby: You must mean that I’m SO 🤴🗡🐲

Libi: Of course

Libi: You know I didn’t mean anything bad by it

Bobby: I 💭 you meant if we were still 6 we could do our own play with no adults telling us how

Libi: That is an 💭

Bobby: one that’s keeping us up

[a pause for realisation when she hasn’t replied that she’s fallen asleep lol]

Bobby: * me anyway 😂

Bobby: night Libs

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Ripped Jeans and Greasy Hair (Part Three) - Gerard Way x Reader

Request: Hi, your blog is awensome. Can you do part 3 of Ripped Jeans and Greasy Hair? It's one of my favourite. And maybe this time with more Patrick and Joe and other MCR members? Word count: 2 371 A/N: I want to apply to a semester at another university (if I get into my first choice, I’ll be so fucking happy), and I just wrote the application, and my mum suggested I also tell them I write fanfiction. So now there’s deadass “Writing shortstories for readers online” in that fucking document. Holy shit. Dear person who decides on this matter, don’t ask me irl about this unless you’re the prof who used fanfiction to talk about genres (I’m willing to bet five bucks he’s written fanfic (probably for Buffy) himself). Also: the beginning of this story is weird, but I had it in my head and it made me laugh so… yeah.

“When I told you-“

“When you told me-“

“No, when I told you…”

“Yes?”

“What did I tell you?”

“Exactly! You didn’t tell me shit!”

“Oh fuck!”

You laughed hard at Joe’s reaction, when he realised he had forgotten to check in with you for the birthday party he had started planning for Patrick. He had started organising stuff, but doing it for such a huge party alone was a lot of work, so he had walked up to you at your locker to complain about you not helping. Only that he had not told you anything, and you had assumed the birthday party for Patrick would be a small one, like the last years; just his closest friends, some cake and star Wars.

“Okay, calm down, so what do you have so far,” you offered, while searching through your locker for your math book.

“Um, my neighbour works at this sorta venue thing, and somehow he can give the whole room to us for the entire evening, and he said if he can come to we don’t even have to pay anything, so there’s that-“

“Which venue?” Your eyes widened when Joe told you. That hall was certainly big enough for a party with a hundred people. “Dude, what do you have planned?”

“Trouble in paradise,” a familiar voice mocked, and a moment later an arm, dressed in smooth leather, got wrapped around your shoulder.

“Joe organised The Night Hall for Patrick’s birthday,” you explained, turning your head to give Gerard a quick kiss on the cheek, which made him blush.

You had no idea why, but even after several months of dating and kissing, he still blushed when you surprised him with an affectionate gesture. But then again it was no different the other way around.

“Oh, big party then,” Gerard nodded, a grin spreading over his face, “I’m in!”

“Sure you are,” you laughed, and slammed the locker shut, “the other question is whether Patrick is in.”

“Sure I’m in,” Patrick’s cheerful voice surprised you from behind, “in on what?”

“Lunch, dude,” Joe quickly made up, “I saw there’s potatoes on the menu today, and we thought we don’t want to poison ourselves, so the plan is to go for pizza.”

Patrick nodded enthusiastically, and adjusted his trucker hat.

“If it’s pizza I’m double in,” he announced, making everyone laugh, and together you walked to class.

You had to admit, since you had gotten together with Gerard, a lot of things had changed. Your former group of three had extended, and now that you and your friends also hung out with Gerard, you had gotten to know his brother, and his best friend Ray. The six of you often spent hours talking about movies or playing your favourite records, sometimes you went out to a concert or spent an entire evening cooking a meal with several courses.

Before Gerard had saved you from your bullies that one Friday, you had often spent time with Patrick and Joe, and you had always felt like you were friends. But now, you spent even more time together, which was weird because you had assumed, you would have to split up the time between your friends and your boyfriend. Luckily it turned out that Gerard got along with the two perfectly, and after hanging out with them, Ray, and Mikey, he often came over to your place, or you to his, and you spent the late hours of the evening hanging out. All in all it did not only feel like you had made more friends, but as if you had grown closer to ones you had already had.

It turned out that it was a lot more difficult to help Joe organise Patrick’s party than you had imagined. Because you were spending almost all the time together, you had to find little moments in between, when Patrick was out of the room, to talk about what you still had to discuss. And just in time for his birthday you had finally arranged everything. Joe had invited a few people from outside of school, mostly musicians he and Patrick knew from the local scene, there were some classmates, a couple of friends from Patrick’s old school, and all the people these guests would bring along. Luckily the hall would not be full with all of these people, otherwise catering, which had been your task, would have been hell to organise. This way you had found a bakery that had offered a good price for small backed goods and sandwiches, and Joe had told people to bring drinks themselves.

The most complicated thing was to keep Patrick unsuspecting, until you had him standing in front of the entrance of the hall. The entire day you had pretended to have nothing planned, and you had even started to panic mildly, when Patrick had told you that his parents were planning on going out for dinner with him, but Joe had luckily managed to have them go out before the party started.

It was needless to say that Patrick was slightly overwhelmed by the effort Joe and you had put into the party, but luckily he agreed to go in none the less, something you had been worried about the entire time. You knew Patrick easily got anxious about big events, and especially when he was the centre of attention. But now he seemed happy and faltered as all the guests cheered when he entered the hall. Soon you left the birthday boy’s side, and found Gerard, who was haning out at the buffet (where else?), together with Mikey and Ray.

“So, he actually came,” Gerard joked, wrapping his arm around your waist, as if it was the most natural thing on earth,

“He did,” you laughed, and linked your thumb into his back pocket, “he was actually happy.”

“Told you he would be,” Ray grinned.

“Yeah, yeah,” you giggled, “you were right, we know.”

Ray rolled his eyes playfully at your mocking, and grabbed another sandwich.

“So-,” Mikey looked between you, his brother and Ray, “what’s the plan for the rest of the evening?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged, “what do people do at parties, other than eating all the snacks?”

Underlining your comment you grabbed a breadstick, and started munching on it.

“Dancing, I suppose,” Gerard suggested, and nodded to the group of people who had already started moving to the music in the middle of the big room.

“Let’s be honest here, we all suck at dancing,” the comment came from Joe, who had snuck up from behind, surprising you. He was followed by Patrick and a guy with deep brown eyes, and dark hair.  You recognised him from one of the concerts you had been at with the guys. What was his name again, Pete?

“Then let’s dance all together, so we don’t look so stupid on our own,” Gerard shrugged, stealing the half eaten breadstick from your hand, causing you to gasped in fake shock.

“That’s a sight nobody wants to see,” Patrick laughed, but just like the others he seemed not quite as reluctant as you about the suggestion.

“You just gotta pretend you know what you’re doing,” the guy behind Joe explained, “then nobody will care.”

The group slowly moved into the direction of the improvised dance floor, in the middle of the room. If you were being honest, you had never been good at or a fan of dancing, and it surprised you the others were so keen on it; that was until you saw what they understood under dancing. It was as if all of them had silently agreed that their attempts at trying to be sexy (or whatever people were doing on the dance floor) would end in absolute embarrassment. They all were jumping around to the upbeat music, reminding you of the concerts you went to sometimes.

Gerard grabbed your hand and spun you around a couple of times, until he caught you in his arms. You giggled, feeling a suspicious burning in your cheeks as a blush worked itself onto your face. Even with the upbeat music around you, Gerard swayed slowly to the music, holding you close, not caring about the chaos of your friends jumping around you.

Smiling softly you reached up to his face, and brushed a strand of his black hair out of his eyes, making him smile as well. As if the playlist Joe had created for tonight had known how much you wanted to dance slowly with your boyfriend, the next song that came on was a slower one. You felt how Gerard let go of your waist where he had placed his hand, and instead wrapped it around your back, pulling you into him, his other hand gently holding yours. It never ceased to amaze you how different his hands were to yours; his hands elegant, but calloused, so carefully taking hold of yours, while you felt rather clumsy using your own. If he had ever noticed, he had never mentioned it. Now his warm, dry fingers closed around yours; sometimes moving slightly, brushing over the back of your hand. Your other hand, like a reflex, found its place on the back of his neck. Slowly, playfully, you wrapped strands of his dark hair around your fingers, and you grinned when you remembered how intimidated you had been by him in the beginning, you had been outright scared.

“What?”

You could hear the insecure smile in Gerard’s voice, and looked up from the button with the band logo he was wearing on his shirt.

“Nothing, just…” you took a long look at him.

It was weird. He had come across as so confident and careless the first times you had met him, and even when you had gotten together, you had sometimes wondered where he took all that confidence from. But the better you had gotten to know him, the more you had realised that, just like Pete had said, he was faking it and nobody doubted he was in it for real. It had been a slow realisation that had started just a couple of days after your trip to the beach. It felt like a wall had started to break down, a wall he had already kept thin around you, but the more he started to trust you, the more he fell for you (and you could feel him falling for you more and more each day, just like you fell for him), the more he broke down that wall, revealing the same doubts and insecurities that you did not know how to hide.

You knew he was scared you did not love him. You knew he was worried you would realise one day that you deserved more than the school punk. He did not want you to feel that way, but he was scared of it anyway. You knew because he had told you, just the other week. In the beginning you had been hurt, thinking you were not good enough at expressing your emotions for him, which were as strong as they had never been for anyone, and since it had been a late Saturday night, and you were already talking, you had immediately shared that thought with him. Which in turn had made him worry again. But in the end you had come to the conclusion to just try to stop doubting your own self-worth, and to be honest with each other, and now that you remembered how insecure you had been about him, and he had asked, you decided to share it with him.

“I just remembered how scared I was by you in the beginning,” you confessed, gently brushing over his neck, and weaving your fingers into his hair.

“Scared,” Gerard echoed, a surprised look on his face.

“Yeah, you were pretty intimidating, with your leather jacket, and the ripped jeans, and your black hair,” you giggled, gently tucking on said hair.

“You think ripped jeans are intimidating,” the insecure smile on Gerard’s lips turned into an adoring, yet amused one.

“Nah, just you in general, always getting in trouble, never smiling…”

“I do smile,” Gerard protested.

“You didn’t smile at school,” you corrected, “I’d like to think that changed.”

Gerard furrowed his brows.

“Oh my god, I was like Mikey,” he realised, making you laugh.

Indeed the younger Way seemed less expressive, but when you turned your head, you found him goofing around with Patrick and Pete by the side of the buffet, accompanied by a young boy you knew was from New Jersey, and had just moved here recently.

“Ah, look at him now, he can smile too,” you joked, and nodded to the four boys.

“Seems like it,” Gerard agreed, “I think smiling suits him.”

“Happiness suits everybody,” you reminded him, “oh, and I was really uncomfortable when I found out you knew where I lived.”

“When I brought your book over,” Gerard remembered, “yeah, you looked uncomfortable. And I was so embarrassed when you didn’t know we were neighbours!”

“Trust me, I was probably more embarrassed,” you grinned.

“Oh were you now,” he giggled, and brushed his nose against yours.

You just hummed in response and kissed him, relishing the familiar smell and taste of his soft lips.

“Get a room you too,” Joe shouted. The people around you laughed, but Gerard just let go of your hand, and flipped him off without breaking the kiss, making you smile.

You spent the rest of the evening joking around, and dancing with your friends. Pete introduced the boy from New Jersey as Frank, and all eight of you, Pete, Patrick, Joe, Mikey, Ray, Frank, Gerard and you, made absolute fools of yourselves jumping around to the music, but it was fun and you did not want it any other way. Sometimes all of you were dancing together as a group, Patrick tried to dance a waltz with you to a rock song, which worked surprisingly well, Joe spun you around until you were so dizzy you had to sit down for a couple of minutes, and all the time you knew Gerard was watching you with the same love-struck glimmer in his eyes as you were watching him.

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, please let me know):

General: @justawriterinprogress @robinruns @jayloverthe3rd @lookalivefrosty @butterfly-writes @angelevansfalls @rene-royale @500240

MCR: @deadlovers

[riskeith]

hehe, hi!! hope you slept well even if you stayed up until 3-4 am (?) also what fic... what paring... 👀

genshin charas be like: *wavy beautiful flowy deep hair* tbh and we just gotta accept that. just keep practicing and i’m sure you’ll do them more than justice. your stuff is already great so far!! I JUST SAW HIS ISLE ANIMATION RAZOR IS LITERALLY BEST BOY? also his voice actor... ☹️🥺 razor is catboy we love it.

i’m gonna run around with him and just think about you always i promise!!!! [as if i don’t do that already hehe 😏] some day it will be i’m actually hopefully they’ll do it. too many people want cross server they cannot pass that up.. :(

thank u!! hehe, it’s a tododeku piece and it was one of my first bnha fics i started working on. basically it’s a radio au? i love those so much... midoriya’s a radio host and todoroki listens to him to help his insomnia and they start talking and it’s basically Yearning... jshdjdhdkd this one is actually one of those fics ive always wanted to do but felt stuck with multiple times shdjdsshdh but i don’t wanna let it die just yet so we’ll see what i’ll do with it. and yeah!!! long fics are super intimidating. i agree with everything you said lmao. the stuff i post is actually only one shots. multi-cap scares the fuck out of me bc what if you just lose motivation and then there are people that are waiting for updates and aaah. when i used to do longer fics i used to write it all out before posting the chapters that way i was Sure it was all done. most of my longer fics just end up never leaving my drive account because of that reason.. i literally have fics with over 20k words that have just died out... yikes. hahahah. and omg imagine a wip dump i’d read them all!! who knows what gold your big brain has hidden from us....

YOU HAVE A STUDY? now that’s just sexy of you. stop i feel like people that study at home in a specific office are studious. there’s something super fancy about having a work space at home... and a bookshelf my god what a dream... 😍 books are the most important!!!!! my makeup is hidden in a makeup bag so it doesn’t touch them. i’d literally cry if anything happened to any of them shsjdjk. your bookshelf said 2013 vibes and i adore it. all of those are such good vibes tbh i can’t believe you have them at home... awww <3 do you like the movie adaptions as well?

what happens after 12 yo? do you have secondary school?

I HAVE NO CLUE... god albedo so gorgeous. we’ve just been praising him for days and i’m still not tired of him. he’s so perfect!!!!! if he comes back another time i’m definitely gonna go for it. also AHH? i cant wait for the razor pic aaah you made me so excited now... <3

i made a asia server acc earlier!! god it feels so weird to start anew sjdkdhdk all the tutorials.. not having wings... nothing. just paimon and me running around in the whispering woods. kind of tedious actually but gotta do it for the wifey.. 🥰 i’m thinking i’m gonna hustle hard this weekend to hopefully get up at least to level 10 or something. omg we are literally gonna be that meme where the short person stands in front of taller person and says “they asked for no pickles”... have you seen them? i suck at explaining shjdjdjd anyway. CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU PLAY... 😍 the homoerotic tension in the domains... 😍 also i was thinking,. we get a lot of primogems early in the game and i’m gonna try to spin for xingqiu so we can have that date after all... 😏

YOU HAVE 5 ACCS? my girl is booked and busy. can i ask what for help... also do you ever tweet the wrong things on the wrong accs? and idk what a moment is but i’d absolutely watch that. i wanna see ur cute screenshots... 🥺 YOUR THEME IS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD!!!!! ohdhsjshsjshsjsj it’s soooo fucking nice I LOVE IT the colors and the pose. THE MOON ABOVE HIS HEAD. mark me as in love... 🥺

it’s me who cannot wait to hear from YOU. i can’t stop thinking about how soon we’ll run around together aaaah... <3333

i finished responding to your ask at like 3am and slept then!! it was.... drarry 😳😳 they’re legitimately all i read these days even tho i have like one (1) knowledge about hp and its lore FHDKFHSDFJSDKKHSD just the enemies to lovers dynamic you know??? ugh 😩😘👌

fjksdfh thank!! HE’S THE BESTEST BOY!! lil pup 🥺🥺 AND HERE’S THE IMAGE: 

LOOK AT HIM M.A. LOOK!!!!!!!!!!! dont you just want to give him everything <333 all the wolfhook he wants... all the good pats... 😭😭😭😭

hehe <33 and hopefully some day!!! i think realistically they wouldn’t, but one can hope hfsdkfhkdsjkh

:o concept! oooo does todoroki know it’s midoriya or is he just pining for the mystery radio show host 😩🤪 i hope you’re able to keep it alive! ahaha ganbatte plus ultra 💪💪💪 you 🤝 me sticking to one-shots. fjdslfkj damn writing it ALL before posting tho requires so much patience... that’s so admirable.... im legit so hungry for like attention and validation from my fics i can’t not post fhdsfsdhsdhk even if it’s still a wip... and the giving up on a multichap i’ve done that LOLLLLLLLLLL i was so in denial about it too even tho i knew i was never gonna go back to it i went from pretending it didnt exist to announcing a hiatus to then announcing its discontinuation fhdskfjsdkjfskdhfdsks

FHSKFHSDKJ ye!! ahah actually now that you say it like that ... makes me sound so profesh 😩 nice! that’s good protect the books first and foremost hfksdhkfs. 2013 was a vibe too i reckon.. that was when catching fire came out <333 which relates to your question, i do *mostly* like the movie adaptations! if i watch the movies before the books then it’s all good, but if i’ve already read the books and then i go into the adaptation..... yikes HSHAH but sometimes it’s been so long i forget the book plot so it’s alright. i do think the hunger games adaptations were really good though!!! hbu do you like the movies?

yup we call it high school!! and that goes from 13-18 yo. 

albedo... always on the mind 🥰🥰🥰 i think once i get xiao i might maybe roll of every banner after? just to try LOL idkk. 

!! im so sorry you have to go through all that tedious stuff again 😭😭😭 but im so thankful 😍😍😍😍 once you reach co-op levels dw we can do all the quests together so you won’t have to suffer through them with difficulty 🤪 and no i didn’t know that meme but i just looked it up and omg that energy... can’t wait for that to be us :p XINGQIU!!! im so excited omg.. that was one of the other reasons i was willing to start again so i could try roll him fshfksjd. channeling luck for you so you get him again!!! and then chongyun can be with the boyf <33 

5 but only 3 i use!!! my kpop twt, anime, and then my ‘main’ (for posting just fics and art etc). the other 2 are basically just there to save URLs hfskdfhskd. and no i don’t!! im super conscientious about that bc im so paranoid hfkshfsdfhsdfjksdhfks y’all won’t catch me slipping 🤪 and a moment is basically just a collection of tweets! but i realised you actually need to tweet them first for that to happen fshfhsdkfd but here are some thumbnails!

THANK UUUU chongyun really is my muse.. who needs irl photography when i can do all this in game <33333 

ME NEITHER!! you got me smiling like a fool just thinking about it... hope you slept well! mwah :*

[suhmayzooka]

cursed child broadway, December 28, 2019

my sister (S) and i were fortunate enough to get tickets for the third row, right by the aisle, making us right in the center.  I was a bit worried about the seats being so close to the stage, but it was absolutely amazing to be so close to the action. it was immersive, and i felt like i was part of the action.

S is my polar opposite.  she’s not a potterhead, for starters, and likes to call me (and everyone else in the theater, especially those in cosplay) a loser.  she’s heavily involved with her school’s theater -- acting and stage crew -- and i call her a theater nerd.  she’s an aspiring actress, and almost gave my mom a heart attack when she announced her plan to study acting in college (they compromised, and now S intends to major in psychology in addition to acting).  i didn’t know she was interested in cursed child since she eschews all ‘nerdy’ things, but she said that she ‘wanted to see how bad it was.’

she’s been the only extrovert in our family since she was born. she’s a hatstall between gryffindor and slytherin (although she identifies with the lion).  if you’re reading this, i’m assuming you like cursed child and perhaps are involved with the fandom.  ever read the tea time series on ao3? S is lily luna.  she’s the embodiment of how everyone writes lily luna.  she cursed out our dad a few days ago.  she made me spend the equivalent of two hours of work on fucking soda and popcorn because she didn’t listen to me when i told her to pack a clif bar.  this is what i put up with.

she actually enjoyed the show!  i was shocked.  she loved the effects.

after part one, she turned to me and went, “please just tell me one thing: do albus or scorpius die?”

i was surprised by her question.

she explained: “because at this point all i care about is their romance, and if they don’t get together or if they die i’m leaving the theater.”

this is coming from someone who ranted to me about how she doesn’t understand why people ship non-canon pairings since ‘not every friendship has to be romance.’ and here she was genuinely invested in scorbus? my heart…

i’m a good big sister, so i told her really vague statements like “our heroes will find themselves in danger several times during this act...” “one person’s pain is used to inflict pain on the other” and similar things.  eventually, she became convinced that scorpius would be revealed to be voldemort’s son and harry would accidentally kill him. not sure how she came up with that.

i guess everyone caught the plague? the coughing would Not stop.  S started making fun of them. and it’s like...everyone was a-okay during wand dance.  there were no coughs in the opening choreography for part two.  no, everyone had to succumb to coughing fits during the quiet, emotional moments.

“i always wanted a best mate to get up to mayhem with--”

COUGHCOUGHPHLEGMCOUGHHACKHACKHACKPHLEGMPHELGMCOUGHCOUGH

“--you’re my best friend--”

COUGHCOUGHPHLEGMCOUGHHACKHACKHACKPHLEGMPHELGMCOUGHCOUGH

for every. emotional. scene. maybe they were choked up on their tears.

at the last minute we decided to do stage door.  as in, we had already left the theater, saw the line outside, and were like, “sure.” unfortunately we had left our playbills in the theater since my hands were occupied holding her soda and popcorn since apparently she’s incapable of doing so…

i’m using google and my shitty facial recognition to remember who was who.  we (she) spoke to zell steele morrow (young harry), karen janes woditsch (mcgonagall), nadia brown (rose), james snyder (harry), and nicholas podany (albus).  unfortunately, we had to catch our train and left just as jonno roberts (draco) came out :( i think he was S’s favorite.

anyway here are my (our) thoughts:

1. Characters

~nicholas podany is a really good albus! he’s very mischievous, and you can see the wheels in his head turning as he comes up with his (increasingly more ridiculous) plans.  whenever he comes up with an idea he looks at scorpius like :O and it gets funnier as the play goes on.

~bubba weiler is a lot of fun. he’s very physical actor, and he really hams it up.  his scorpius is meant to be seen rather than read.  most of the comic relief is written for scorpius, and there seemed to be roars of laughter after every other line.  he shook his hips at “MALFOOYYYY THE UNAANXIOUSSS” and (exaggeratedly) pretended to march in place for “MY GEEKNESS IS A-QUIVERING!!” he purred at rose.  he flailed his entire body around when he was crucio-d :( one thing i noticed was how he carried himself.  scorpius spent a lot of time sitting hunched over, rocking slightly back and forth (most noticeable when he was introduced, but he hunched over and rocked on the staircase several times as well). when he stands he’s rubbing his thumbs or the hems of his robes.  his leg was bouncing nonstop in the library scene.  anyway what i’m trying to say is scorpius malfoy is neurodivergent. ableists don’t interact.

~for some reason S says that both scorpius and albus are unlikeable, but they’re cute together.  she was very proud when scorpius yelled at albus for being “the most terrible friend.”

~the chemistry between scorbus is There. it’s clear podany and weiler are close friends irl; they’re extremely comfortable together and play off each other really well.  

~matt mueller is great as ron. he works well with what he’s been given...not his fault thorne/tiffany decided to make ron a caricature with very little resemblance to canon ron...but that’s a rant for another day :] he’s delightful on stage.  he’s funny and charming.

~i’ll admit i wasn’t really feeling jenny jules as hermione, at least in part one.  she’s really playful, especially in the scene in her office where she offers harry a “to~fee~!” she was really great in the dark timeline, however.

~my romione heart

~the man himself, james snyder as harry potter!  was um, very shouty? very angry all the time.  he’s under a lot of stress.  his son disappeared in time.  i’ll let it slide.

~jonno roberts was literally draco malfoy.  his sneer, his swagger, everything was absolutely as i imagined draco 20 years in the future would be.  he’s so protective of scorpius...when the adults travel back to 1981 to find their sons, he picks scorpius up as they hug? and then instead of breaking apart, he sort of...put one arm around scorpius’s neck? like a backwards neck travel pillow thing. scorpius held his arm as draco looked around behind him for any danger.  it was really cute.

~diane davis was a really protective ginny.  all the fiery ginny from the books that was absent from the films made its way into her.  

2. Scenes

~one criticism i have is the fact that everyone speaks really quickly.  it’s a five hour play and i get that they’re trying to contain all the dialogue within that time but like...it’s a dialogue-heavy show.  i knew what was going on since i’m familiar with the script and the story, but there were parts when S and other members of the audience were confused. this was especially noticeable during the trolley witch scene.  literally nothing could be heard over the music and the sound effects, and several people around us were audibly confused and asking each other what was happening.  i mean, it doesn’t make a lot more sense with the dialogue, but at least let us hear what the characters are saying!

~podany, snyder, and (at times) weiler were the worst offenders.  weiler’s good at physical comedy, punctuating his iconic lines with clownlike movements for laughs since no one would know what he’s saying otherwise.  e.g. “we stand over the baby and scream” was almost inaudible, so we just heard “HEEELLLPPP HEEEEELLLP!” it was effective since the whole theater laughed, i guess. take this with a grain of salt; we were only a few feet away from the stage, so maybe our audio wasn’t the best.  

~roberts was crystal clear at all times

~S fell in love with scorbus during the staircase ballet.  if you’ve seen that one clip from this cast you know why.  the YEARNING.

~the LIBRARY scene! i reblogged audio of this a few months ago. oh my god, it’s perfect.  it hits the emotional highs and lows.  when albus said, “i wasn’t a loser before i met you,” there was a collective gasp and we all “OOOOOOOOOOH”-ed.  everyone was invested in this. weiler’s performance is really emotional, he’s holding back tears, i’m holding back tears. podany’s gets so soft when he talks about how kind he is.  i actually clenched my heart. “friends?” “always.” audience: “OOOOOOOOOH!”

~i can confirm that myrtle’s “girls...AND BOYS” is directed straight at albus.  his eyes widen, and he sheepishly shrugs his shoulders and is very excited to change the topic.

~scorpius’s imaginary friend was named hector.  idk if he improvises it every time, or if he decided to change it to hector from flurry, but his delivery was great.  sweetly: “oh, i had one of those too!” scathing hiss: “HECTOR.”

~the biggest jumpscare of the play was when scorpius emerged from the lake at the end of part one.  it was all dark, and then he shoots out of the water, gasping. i jumped.

~voldemort walked down the aisle right next to us.  S was terrified that he’s jump or touch her, so she curled up next to me.

~i was interested in how the penultimate scene would play out, since i heard that weiler and podany really play up their relationship, but scorpius had spent every scene with rose purring at her.  she came and imitated a scorpion when she said “scorpion king,” curving her hand and making a hissing noise, which elicited a few “oohs” from the audience.  then the Hug...the “new version of us” line is said as they hug, and they just. stood there for a few moments, hugging.  when albus goes “you better ask rose” scorpius looks up at him and blinks, goes, “.........uh oh yeah, rose….” and goes off stage.  right before he exits he looks at albus, and albus keeps watching him after he leaves. uhh anyway scorbus is canon and so is pollyrose

~“dad...i don’t want to be a wizard anymore.” (dead silence) “i want to go into pigeon racing” *breaks into the biggest shit-eating grin and cracks up*.  the last shot is harry holding albus as he silently weeps.  Ookay.

~due to several instances of childhood trauma, my sister’s biggest fear is birds (especially chickens, ostriches, and...pigeons).  she didn’t know why people laughed at harry’s confession that he was afraid of pigeons, because to her that’s a valid fear.  we saw a pigeon in the train station and she almost cried.

3. Stage door

~S did most of the talking.  she told everyone “so sorry we don’t have our playbill! you did such a great job!” and then struck up mini conversations.  i stood nodding like “good job!” looking like this :]

~first up was (i believe) zell steele morrow! he’s so cute and was really upbeat.  S finally found someone shorter than her…

~karen janes woditsch asked what houses we’re in.  S was like “gryffindor!” and she smiled, i told her “ravenclaw” and she was like, “well...i love all my students equally….”

~i didn’t recognize james snyder since he was dressed like he was in the arctic.  neither did S.

~nadia brown was so sweet!  you could tell she really loved seeing fans.  there was a group behind us in line who apparently were here for their third viewing, and they conversed like they were old friends.

~nicholas podany came out wearing a t shirt. in december.  i was cold because i forgot to wear gloves and he came out in a t shirt.  the group behind us asked if he was cold and he said that he was hot from running around the stage.  S told him that he did great, she asked how long he was performing (ten months since february) and her response was “oh, that makes sense, you were good!” he went on about how he loves performing, how each night is different based on the crowd and how we were such a great crowd, and i could feel S like. sinking into the sidewalk. i just nodded at him and went “good job.”

~he’s my height, maybe slightly shorter (i’m 5’6/167 cm) and very pale.  i think S has a crush on him since she wants to go back to “apologize for being so awkward.” growing up she had a crush on daniel radcliffe, too, so i guess she has a thing for potters.

~the group behind us went on about how much they loved harry potter, had been fans their whole lives, etc. podany’s apparently a huge potterhead, but not the biggest in the cast: they all came together to see who was the biggest potterhead, and the answer is the actor who plays cedric (forgot his name and the internet isn’t helping, sorry!) -- his tv (?) remote is in the shape of a wand! the rest of them are nerdy enough to fact-check the director lmao

~we didn’t get to actually speak with jonno roberts, but we saw him interacting with other fans.  he seems like a cool guy.

[elliyoyo]

Good Girl (Roger Taylor/Reader)

Finally, I’m back. This took forever, but I’m super proud of it and I personally think it’s some pretty good smut. This is a part 2 to Naughty School Girl and directly references it at one point, but it could totally be read as a stand alone. Hope you enjoy and forgive me for going ghost on writing for so long!

This is dedicated to @queen-irl-af who always hypes me up, @rogerinatrash who seems like she’d get a kick out of this, and @rogerina-deacon who I absolutely adore. Love all of you and hope you enjoy this filth <3

Warnings: SMUT, swearing, dominant reader, sub(ish) Roger, spanking, riding, name calling, teasing, running make up, unprotected sex (please... use a condom... don’t get STDS or babies), and the usual band shenanigans.

Words: ~2.6k

-

There were few words that described how you felt when you finally saw Roger in his full Rogerina get up, as if was lovingly dubbed by the rest of the boys. One was definitely horny. The other was confused. The last was damn.

Since you had ridden him senseless when you saw him in just the skirt, you had been both excitedly and dreadfully waiting for the day you saw him fully done up as a school girl. It hadn’t been evident to you before last time, but you seemed to have a thing for your beautiful, “used to sometimes mistaken for a girl” boyfriend dressed more feminine.

From the small heels on his shoes to the way his lean legs looked in tights to the lacy black bra he had insisted on wearing under his white blouse, he had you hooked. He could tell you to jump off a cliff and you would gladly kiss him as a goodbye present and take the leap with a wide smile, thinking about how that damn skirt looked flowing over his ass.

And he knew exactly how it was affecting you. He would emphasize some of his movements on purpose, only giving away that he was doing it for you when he’d scan the crew to find you after the cameras stopped rolling for a moment. He’d sway his perky ass a little more than he had in the previous shots, then shoot you a smirk as soon as he saw that your eyes were glued to his backside.

He really was being a naughty school girl. And you were going to treat him like one.

The second the director called for a break and let the boys do whatever they needed, you grabbed Roger by his tie and quite literally pulled him towards his dressing room. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, fully aware of what was about to go down and fully ready to play along. He even flinches when you loudly slam and lock the door behind you two, playing up his pout when you push him onto the couch.

“What the hell was that?!”

“What? I’m just doing my job— looking pretty and mouthing the words,” he innocently mumbles, crossing his arms with a huff. You raise an eyebrow at him and your jaw drops in shock at the attitude he was giving.

“Doing your job? Your job of being a little fucking tease?” You quickly strut over to him and tear his wig off, throwing it to the ground. “Are you a professional slut now?"

"I'm lip syncing and pretending to do dishes, so yes, I'm doing my job— of being an actor," he sasses, crosses his arms like the brat he knew he was being. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"You're being naughty right now, what do you mean?!"

"Am not!"

You slowly inhale, collecting yourself before giving him the sternest look you could muster. You grab him by the chin and tilt his head up, trying to be gentle as you plead, "Rog, babe, don't fight me on this. All you’ve done today was strut around, showing off your ass and legs in these perfect little tights. You're trying to get me riled up, aren't you?"

He is silent and unmoving in a hesitating moment, giving his motives away. He plays up the pout on his pretty little lips and meets your eyes, gently nodding at you. He takes a moment to formulate an explanation before mumbling, "I… Remembered how it went last time I wore this and was naughty, and I wanted to do it again.”

“Oh, baby… All you had to do was ask. Or did you want to play a little game with me anyway?” You twirl a strand of hair on his wig and give him a playfully sinister smirk. He nods eagerly, eyes darting between your fingers and your own eyes as he can feel himself begin to get excited. “Then play the game, sweetheart. Tell me what it is you want.”

He opens his mouth a few times, trying to think of how to explain it to you without turning bright red. He doesn’t do a very good job, as his caked on blush becomes nothing in comparison to his now-flushed cheeks. You brush your finger over his matte lips, getting some of the pink lipstick spread on your fingertip.

“I’ll leave you high and dry right now if you don’t tell me what you want me to do. Is that what you want?”

“No! No, please don’t leave, I… Fuck… I want you to… Spank me,” he says, lowering his voice more and more as he goes on. His embarrassment was at an all time high and he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, even if he knew they were true.

You smirk and squint down at him, pushing your finger into his mouth so he could run his tongue over it as you teased him more. “So… You want my hand turning your ass bright red? Are you going to finally tell me why you deserve that, baby?”

“… I was naughty…”

“There we go— was that really that hard to do?” You pull your hand from his mouth and roughly pull him up from the couch. You nudge him towards the dressing table and give him a gentle slap on his thigh to get his attention. “I’m going to go tell the boys that you need a break for a second. When I get back, I want you bent over that table with your underwear around your ankles and skirt flipped over your ass or else I won’t let you come tonight.”

With that, you presses a small kiss to his temple and head out, trusting him to do what you said. You close the door and simply head towards the rambunctious noise of laughter. There you find the boys, who take a moment to realize your presence.

"Hi, (Y/N)!"

"(Y/N), hello, didn't realize you were here!"

"Would you like a drink, darling?"

"No, I'm alright. I just came to let you guys know, Roger isn't feeling too good, so I'm just going to make him drink some water and rest until they call you back in." The lie effortlessly comes off of your tongue, due to Roger's bad influence and constant habit of sex in not-so-private places.

"Oh, well… we hope he feels better," Brian says with a small smile, nudging the other two who say similar things before going back to their drinks. Before you leave, though, Freddie gives you a small, knowing smirk. You wink at him to let him know that he’s thinking the right way before heading back through the doorway.

When you get back to the room, you have quite the sight before you. Roger Meddows Taylor is standing bent over his dressing table, precisely as you asked him to be. Lacy panties and tights around his ankles, skirt flipped up over his bare ass, and his cock already rock hard against his stomach. You lock the door behind you and slowly make your way over to him. He whimpers with anticipation as you walk closer and you see his knees shake when you gently drag a finger over the curve of his ass.

"Perfect… Look at you, all ready for me, baby," you coo, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "How many should you get today, Rog? What d'you think?"

"As many as you think I need, (Y/N)."

"…How about one up from last time? Ten sound good? It'll get you all worked up for me, but it won't keep you from sitting at the drums if they need you to re-record anything," you suggest, carefully phrasing your want to not hurt him too much as something to do with his work instead.

"However many you think I need," he repeats, giving you a pleading look in the mirror that begs for him to finally feel your hand on him. You put a hand back on his ass and kiss his shoulder before swiftly spanking him. “One!”

“No, no, I didn’t tell you to count— I just wanna hear those cute little noises you make,” you chide, giving him another (much harder) spank on the same exact spot. He lets out a small grunt of pain at the familiar but still uncomfortable feeling of the first few impacts. “You can do better than that, give me a cute little moan, baby.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, giving you a small nod. Spank after spank, he lets out a higher pitched, much louder moan than the previous time. You can feel yourself soaking through your underwear, and possibly even your pants, before you have a chance to catch a look at his face. When you finally cease spanking him, he turns around and whips his hands down to cup his glowing red ass, feeling the heat radiating off of it.

“...Oh my god, you look so fucking hot, Rog— look at that makeup.” You swipe a finger under his eye and watch the watery black lines of runny mascara follow your fingertip. He’s sniffling and whimpering and his pretty pink lipstick is smudged beyond belief, along with the blush lining his cheeks. “You look like such a pretty little baby.”

“Your pretty little baby?” He looks up at you with the perfect mix off puppy dog eyes and bedroom eyes, begging for something more than what you had been giving him. You lean in and kiss him, smearing some of his makeup onto your face as you do so.

“Of course you’re my pretty little baby, who else’s would you be?”

“Nobody’s. Only yours,” he says, a small smile creeping up his cheeks. He presses his lips to your cheek and laughs at the sloppy yet dainty lipstick mark that it leaves.

“Alright, alright, come on— I think it’s time to have some real fun.” You pull him up and along with you to the small couch. You push him down the same way you had before, bending down to get in his face and tease him. “You want me?”

“Mhm.”

“How do you want me? On my knees again? Or maybe riding you? You’d like that— me letting you lay down and watch my tits while I slam down on you…"

"Can you please ride me? And face me?" He reaches for your waist and gently rests his fingers on your hips, pulling you towards him.

"Why d'you want me to face you— I thought you liked pulling on my hair and staring at my ass?" You straddle him, positioning yourself so that your chest is perfectly in front of his face. He takes a moment to answer, which leaves you unsure if it was because of his view or because he genuinely didn't know.

"…I wanna be able to kiss you… And… Well," he trails off, pressing small nipping kisses to the exposed parts of your breasts.

"I think I can deal with that for a day, you purr, putting a hand in hair to push him further into your chest. He lets out a muffled groan, hurriedly reaching to pull your jeans down by the belt loops. You laugh at him, unbuttoning and unzipping them before he tears them apart completely.

He's getting his lipstick all over your chest, small pink smudges across the curvature of your breast and pink lip marks perfectly made around your nipples. You simply caress his wig, letting him treat you like a goddess for a moment before you tilt his head up by his chin and lean down to kiss him.His mouth is still warm from your skin and you can feel his saliva wet every bit of your lips, but you honestly couldn't care less— it's pretty hot in the moment.

"Alright, help me out of these underwear and I'll finally let you stick your cock in me," you whisper, smirking against his lips. "But don't tear them, I really like this pair, Rog."

"Gotcha." He carefully pulls the lacy pair down your legs, tossing them towards the door. "Can I…?"

"Of course, baby. Go ahead— fuck me good."

And oh, does he. He slides a hand down to part your lips and position himself, but then it's really just him fucking up into you instead of you riding him. He's so desperate, you couldn't set the pace if you tried, so you just sit there and go with his, relishing in the feeling of his tongue and teeth back on your breasts.

"Roger, sweetheart, that's so fucking good— please go harder!" You dig your nails into his shoulders, leaving marks with the fierce bouncing motions his thrusts are causing you to have.

"Yeah?" He presses one last kiss to your chest, staring up at you in a lust-filled haze. “You like it when your baby fucks you like this?”

“My baby? You mean my baby girl?” You bite your lip, watching him perk up and groan, loving the return of the nick name. “You absolutely love how riled up you get when I call you that, god, it’s so hot, Rog.”

“Please, please, pleasepleaseplease keep calling me that,” he begs, his voice more gravelly than usual. “I’m gonna come if you keep that up, (Y/N).”

“Keep what up, calling you my—,” you lean into his ear, pressing a kiss to the slight bit of sideburn under the wig, “— sweet little girl?”

He whimpers and shoots you a pleading look, but you simply smirk back at him, continuing to praise him and occasionally leave bite marks and hickeys here and there on his collar. It reaches a point where you can feel his thrusts slowing down and his hold on your waist tighten more than you thought possible.

He gives you a desperate, teary eyed look, begging you to grant him the permission to come. You do so between moans and memorizing the feeling of his fingers on your hips, rolling your hips one more time— just slowly enough to let him know it was okay. He throws his head back, his hips wildly meeting yours for a moment before stilling as he spills inside of you. He keeps his eyes closed, leaning back on the couch with a small content smile on his face, before looking up at you.

“You’re amazing. Absolutely amazing. C’mere,” he whispers, pulling you down for a kiss. He sighs happily and lets his fingers drift from your cheek to your neck, back down to your waist.

“...The break is going to be over soon.” You sigh and press a few more kisses to the corner of his lips, slowly raising yourself up off of him. You turn around and end up sitting by his side, leaning your head on his chest. “Let’s hope they can fix everything quick and they don’t kill us for ruining it,” you say, gesturing to his messed up wig and smudged makeup with a proud smirk. “Even if they do, it was so worth it.”

“One hundred percent worth it.” He presses another gentle kiss to your hair, then gets up to fix the outfit up a bit. “Get your clothes back on and let’s go see if the boys left any snacks for us.”

You do. They didn’t. But you can’t find it in yourself to care about your rumbling stomach— not when you got to watch Roger mess around with that “I Just Got Fucked” glow.

[serenagaywaterford]

Hello, I really don’t know who to talk to but I’m realizing I’m a lesbian after identifying as bisexual since 2016, I came out to my parents and they’re both supportive and happy for me. I’m a highschooler and it’s awkward being gay and no one knowing as ppl tease me to date my guy friends. Any tips or advice in general on being a lesbian? It’s still so weird to talk about but I wanna grow to be very open with my sexuality

Been there. (I used to insist I was straight (for YEAAAAARS I was with the same guy), then bisexual cos I thought I had to be since I was “straight” and not particularly conflicted about it for so long. So it’s a process and a journey getting here no matter what, and everyone takes different routes.) And I’ll be honest, you’re way ahead of the game already. Good for you and you should be proud and happy with yourself for being so self-aware and in touch with yourself. That takes a lot of insight and courage.

I think generally… people will say a lot of things but until you are comfortable being around your friends and family as yourself, it’s never going to be easy. It’s not easy when you’re out either but at least you’re not stuck hiding who you are and adding that level of tension to every interaction. To be honest, I was never particularly comfortable with myself. Not even when I got married to another woman. (My issues with the institution of marriage aside…) But in my job I basically am forced to come out daily to complete strangers, constantly, with the words “my wife”. It gets way, way easier and I’m lucky enough to be in a place and a position that affords me that freedom. Not everyone is.

Are the people teasing you your friends? I mean, high school fucking sucks. I don’t even care how people want to romanticise it after the fact, or in media, or whatever. Even the best experiences are littered with a bunch of drama. We’re all idiots in high school and we all treat our friends like shit half the time, even our best friends. I didn’t have a bad time in high school. In fact, I’d say it was pretty good overall. (I wouldn’t do it again, mind you.) But still, the shit you put up with from friends is just excessive, and also the shit you give friends–or at least the shit I gave my friends lol. It’s just so… ugh.

So, I mean, without knowing much more about the situation, I would confide in my good friends. Unless, for some reason that endangers you in some way. And yes, unlike some hardcore people, I do think social ostracization in high school is damaging. I don’t buy into the whole “Well, if they don’t like it fuck them, all you need is you!” cos that’s bullshit. You DO need friends in high school, even if they’re not perfect friends, even if you won’t stay friends with them in a few years. Having social support is incredibly important and to be alienated completely is lonely and leaves you vulnerable, and you miss out on stuff too. I mean, if your friends are complete total assholes, then by all means, drop them cos that won’t help and you may be better off alone, but if they’re only sort of annoying, well… That’s life, lol. Until you get out of the fishbowl of high school and people being to calm the fuck down about every tiny drama, there aren’t a lot of options. I found my best friends annoying af sometimes, and some of them had views on certain subjects that fucking pissed me off. But hey, at the end of the day, we still got along and had a bond, and worst came to worst almost all of them would be there for me, and me for them, despite some differences.

Are those the type of friends you have? Or do you think your friends would turn on you if you confided in them?

It’s so lonely to hold onto a secret like that, and constantly put up with what I’m sure they think is harmless teasing about boys. It can hurt you, and god, it’s fucking irritating on top of everything else. And, I hate to say this, but that sort of thing NEVER ENDS. It gets less and less, but I’m literally married to a woman for like 2 years now and a dude friend of ours just last week asked us if maybe we both just hadn’t found the right men yet. And on the subject of sex, he said, “Well, how do you know if you haven’t tried it?” to my wife. Interestingly, she is not a gold star and knows very well what hetsex is like (she fucking HATES it on every imaginable level), but she’s just never volunteered that information for public consumption. Still, as you can see, you’ll always have stupid imbecile friends who say stupid ass comphet shit to your face, even when you are blatantly a lesbian. Unfortunately, it one of those things you just have to… learn to deal with. I hate that we must.

I know that’s not exactly helpful or hopeful, but it’s reality. So these dumb friends of yours, maybe they’re not doing it to be hurtful or annoying, they just genuinely think you like boys. There’s only really one solution to get them to stop (and even that isn’t going to be a guarantee) and that’s to come out to them–only if you can. Tell them how it makes you feel. Share with them what you’ve said to me. It’s hard enough to exist as a lesbian right now, let alone having to hide and be shamed for it. Friends should get that. But all of them may not… 

I had one friend who was super open with her “sexuality” (she’s an attention whore, lbr.) who, when I told her finally that I think I wanted a girlfriend, she was super supportive. Then when the group of them were going to a gay club, I said I’ll tag along and she told me no. And her exact words: “You look too straight. Nobody will talk to you and I don’t want people to think I’m straight too.” (SHE IS STRAIGHT, just for the record. But she likes to steal girls’ boyfriends by doing threesomes, pretending to be into girls, threesomes, and poly, and then manipulating the boys into dumping their gfs. She also likes to breakup girlfriends just to prove she can. She has NEVER been in a relationship with a woman, only breaks lesbian couples up and then fucks off. She tried it with me and my girlfriend once. Nice friend. Just so we all know what she’s like.)

Note: These were my high school friends, and I was in my mid-20s at this point. We’d been friends for over a decade. And they still said shit like that. (And I mean, in some way, I get it cos when we’d go out to non-gay spots I’d get picked up by men CONSTANTLY, and women never looked at me that way. It was super aggravating.)

Which, it turns out, was her way of saying “You’re competition and I don’t want you around.” (and she’s obsessed with stereotypes), cos when I started going to gay clubs and parties with other friends who weren’t douchebags about it, NOBODY judged me like that. And I remember meeting my wife for the first time and telling her that story and she was just like “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS?! You do look super straight but I like you and I’m super gay”. And then she took me to a lesbian bar, and I didn’t change a thing about myself, and was picked up by all sorts of girls, and really hit it off with the cutest butch girl I’ve ever seen to this day. (It didn’t end up going anywhere but still, it was nice to learn that sometimes your friends are just insecure assholes.) It really is dependent on who they are, where you live, etc. etc. And those are only things you know. I can’t comment on what the best course of action is without knowing the nitty gritty.

SO, that’s a long way of saying, people suck. Even your friends sometimes. It’s going to be difficult for a while as you weed those sorts of people out of your life. Being an open lesbian is rocky, especially at first when everything is sorta all over the place. But it does settle down, and you make better friends. And since your parents are supportive that is a HUGE hurdle you don’t have to deal with, which is absolutely AMAZING :) It’s so nice to hear.

But if you’re not able to come out and get support IRL, that’s fine too. My advice is what you’ve already done :) Come online and reach out to older lesbians. They’re the ones with the experience. If it wasn’t for the older lesbians in my life (either online or IRL that I met, including my wife), I’d be so much more insecure. I would probably still be walking around feeling a lot of shame, embarrassment, anxiety, shyness, confusion, etc. 

But there’s something comforting about talking with women who have lived the same struggles, and hear about all the paths they all took and the ways they’ve dealt with specific issues. And they’re generally more calm, more realistic, and more compassionate than other baby dykes who aren’t in a privileged, secure position yet. Not that there is anything wrong with bonding with others of the same age. That is also INCREDIBLY important because those experiences will directly reflect your own, and there’s built-in support with peers. The things older lesbians have been through may not translate as well for you. A lot of us didn’t have the same pressures of social media, etc. But we also didn’t have the same online resources available either. So, it’s an interesting balance. I will say my friendship with my best friends from university (one is a lesbian too, one is straight as an arrow but a huge ally) are just as important cos age is a factor.

You can get insight from older women, but you need peer bonds too.

Online I think is very important nowadays, especially when you’re not able to go to spaces like gay clubs and bars yet. And surround yourself with positive lesbian representation. If that whole soft cottagecore thing does it for you, keep that in your orbit. But also never be ashamed or fearful of the sexual part of your sexuality. Just like it’s natural to romantically love women, it’s natural for lesbians to physically love them too. 

I feel like as toxic overall as tumblr is, there are corners of it that have been incredibly supportive and nurturing even to me. Especially lesbian positivity blogs and women’s arts, etc. Poetry written by lesbians is beautiful and inspiring to me. It’s a whole genre I had no idea existed, and that has given me a great deal of peace because I can finally relate to words. Music, written and performed by gay and bisexual women is the same. It may seem trivial or cheesy, but it’s powerful to hear about women like you in songs. I have to say Mary Lambert, for one example, helped so much. I remember listening to Alix Olson in secret too when I was much younger (maybe that should have been something of a hint to myself, lol.) King Princess and Girl In Red are current faves, Saara Aalto, Shura and Brandi Carlile are a constant faves I always love (not that I even knew that about Brandi’s sexuality til recently cos I apparently live under a fucking rock lol), but I have whole lists now and it’s wonderful to have taht access. 

When you’re all alone, seeking out lesbian musicians and writers can make so much difference in easing that isolation, and confusion, and fear. They speak to you and about us, as a whole. It’s affirming and less lonely.

Same goes for well-written fanfiction. Things that avoid the drama of fandom (cos there’s so much drama even when you have canon f/f pairings), because fandom is really just microcosms of society at large with all the same morons in it. But fanfic was such an escape where I could learn and explore all the things that most everywhere wouldn’t show me. TV shows touched on it (especially back 10 years ago there was like nothing), but fanfic made it real.

Even when you’re feeling secure, I think it still helps to have all the representation we can, and just… you know, revel in it.

Do not watch porn. Don’t. It’s awful and horrible and not at all realistic. A well-written fanfic by actual gay or bi women is way more helpful. Avoid porn at all costs. It will never teach you anything your body doesn’t already know about how to be with a woman (although I’m sure for you this isn’t a pressing concern at the moment). I just know that I made the mistake of it, and also stupid ass magazine/how to articles. Ignore ALL that junk. When you get a girlfriend there’s only ONE thing you need to know how to do, and that is communicate honestly. Everything else falls easily into place.

When you say it’s so weird to talk about it, I feel that. It took me YEARS to even really be able to comfortably say the word, especially in relation to myself. That feeling will pass. It’ll take time and don’t push yourself into any sort of thing you’re not ready for. You’ll feel weird about it probably, and that’s on society, not you. “Lesbian” still does have a stigma attached to it that a lot of people are afraid of or dismissive of. Just… try your best to tune that out. That’s all you can do. You’ll feel comfortable eventually. :) Give it time. You’re already doing well. The fact you can say it to me, even as anon, is beautiful.

You’ll be very open one day if that’s what you want and being a lesbian, and being seen as one, will be second nature. I mean if I think about myself at 20 and now, there’s a very big difference. I used to shy away from so many things, and dress particular ways to avoid things, now I’m definitely not giving nearly as many fucks. Also, I’ll say here that I own a bar. It’s not a gay bar, but almost every day we’re open, at least one lesbian couple will come in. And honestly my heart grows so big and warm every single time. (Gay men come in too, ofc.) But there’s something particularly ecstatic in me that I get to see that everyday. (I don’t actually have many gay friends at all.) I love the openness and acceptance and comfort. And I love telling people there that I own it with my wife, and see people’s faces light up. (Some don’t… but, meh, that’s real life too. I’ve had a few shitty fucking people come in too.) There are a lot more lesbians and bi girls around than we probably know. :)

You are not alone. Even if it’s only talking to people online, you’re never alone. 

And never get discouraged that other people seem to having an easier or better time at it. Everyone moves differently, and for some it is easier, some it’s way more difficult but that doesn’t mean you need to pressure yourself, or change. I took my way exceptionally slowly and awkwardly, but ya get there eventually if you surround yourself with genuine people.

It sounds cliche but it does get easier talking about yourself as a lesbian as long as you surround yourself with positive lesbian content/people, and it takes practice (sometimes a lot of it as I’ve learnt), especially dealing with internalized stuff. But you’ll get there. You’re still super young and you have so much ahead. :D

I don’t have specific personal advice about how to handle it all in high school cos I didn’t have to deal with that. Just that there’s a whole world outside high school, even though it may not feel that way sometimes. If you’re in a small town or in a country where it’s not accepted, you’ll have a harder time finding love but it is ALWAYS possible, somehow. Never feel like there is nobody at all. There is. There’s some cute, hot, smart, interesting girl somewhere that will be into you as much as you’re into her. It’s just a matter of time til you find each other. If nothing else, in the mean time, you can form friendships and bond with people online in various ways.

I wish somebody had told me in my teen years that it’s possible to be in love with a woman, that I’m going to kiss girls one day and suddenly everything else is going to make sense and feel right after so long of things not quite fitting together, that it’s just as possible to be fulfilled with a woman as it is with a man. I wish someone would have told me I’d be loved by a woman in ways that nothing else would ever match. That I’d touch women and feel at peace with myself, and being intimate with them will change my whole life, and it’s something I was meant to do and feel. That loving women will help me love myself in a way that I never realised, and that just goes back and forth forever cos if you love yourself, loving other people is so much easier. And not to fight that cos I’m too scared to face the not so nice parts about being out. Bad shit is gonna happen no matter what, but better stuff will make up for it. I wish someone had told me that “lesbian” isn’t a bad word (I grew up with a lot of homophobia everywhere, including my family), and that I will cringe when people call me that initially but that should force myself to use it at first, cos it’ll get way better and feel right the sooner that happens. It is what I am, and I can’t avoid it forever. Own it. Cos as soon as you do, the sooner they can’t use it against you the same way anymore. But nobody said any of that to me.

And never, ever let anybody ever guilt, shame, manipulate, or pressure you into anything you don’t feel is right for you or your body. You’ll feel it deep down what you want and need, and what you don’t want and don’t need. Don’t ignore that. Don’t let anybody talk, guilt, scare, or shame you out of that. It may be hard but you already seem very strong and self-aware.

You’re not thinking wrong, you’re not made wrong. There’s a lot of that around in our society and lesbophobia is very alive still, everywhere. 

You don’t need to find the “right man”. Ever. There’s no perfect high school boyfriend waiting for you if you’re a lesbian. There’s a girlfriend waiting for you. More than one, probably! You’ll love many women throughout your life and they’ll return it back to you. You’ll have friends that love you and support you. And when you say, “I’m a lesbian” it’ll roll off your tongue as easily as your name. Or your wife’s name. :) And you won’t feel any twinges of awkwardness or shame.

I wish you nothing but love and kindness, anon. Xx

And, also, anybody can ask me anything, btw. I generally really fucking suck with advice but my askbox is always here, if anybody needs it.