#if you were one of them then condolences for you that you watched season 4 of young justice (and presumably season 3 too. extra condolences

[have-you-read-this-short-fiction]

"The Lady, or the Tiger" is available to read here

[swiftholic-13]

The Season's Scandal Chapter 5

pairing → Eloise Bridgerton x Female Reader

summary → Y/N is making a rather unsuspected choice and things between her and Eloise become more serious.

warnings → mild smut

words → 2.6k

masterpost chapter 4 chapter 6

One thing Victor, my brother or even my mother forgot to mention was whose ball it was. The Bridgertons were throwing a ball, celebrating their newly engaged son Colin and his fiancée Penelope Featherington. Going there under the current circumstances felt strange, but maybe this was a good thing. I knew their house pretty well by now. I could most probably hide and escape my mother.

As much as I hated my mother, her fashion sense was immaculate. She choose a gracious gown in a soft lavender. It had darker flowers at the bottom, creating a color gradient. The puffy lilac sleeves also had small flowers highlighting its color. I especially liked the glitter and the way it looked while I was moving. I had my hair put up and thanked the servant who dressed me. My mother was arguing with my brother downstairs. I could hear them shouting and and the loud footsteps of my brother rushing away. When I came down the stairs my mother would not even look at me “We have to leave, we are already late”, she simply stated and rushed out the door, not waiting for me. When we got into the carriage, she finally acknowledged me. She looked me up and down with a judging expression. “smile” she simply demanded “keep your back straight”. I did not keep any attention on her and instead looked out of the window. My brother not accompanying me on the ball might be a blessing, I would only have to deal with my mother. “These Bridgertons have quite a decent amount of money, what about their sons?” she asked me, I just rolled my eyes and kept on staring outside, watching the trees in the darkness surrounding them. She slapped my knee with her fan “I am talking to you!” she hissed. I looked at her in agony. I took a deep breath in and tried to focus on Eloise and finally getting out of this carriage.

Luckily, we arrived soon after. I got out of the carriage and realized that most of the guests have already arrived. My brother not being here would grant me less attention. Walking through the gate I noticed Victor waiting for me. He held his arm out for me to take and I gladly took it before my mother would protest. I could care about her later. He walked me inside the glorious ballroom. Many flowers decorated the huge ballroom. My mother was hanging behind pretty far and I leaned over to Victor “I need at least two dances tonight, my mother needs to think you are courting me” he nodded with a smile “Of course my lady” I slapped his arm lightly as he wandered off to get us some lemonade. I kept looking around for Eloise but could not spot her as always. Before my mother returned, Violet Bridgerton approached me “Y/N such as pleasure to see you, we have been missing you these last days” she said and immediately made me smile. She already cared more about me, then my actual mother ever could. “It is a truly tremendous ball you are hosting Lady Bridgerton” I replied. I could feel my mothers presence approaching us from behind “You must be Lady Y/L/N” Violet stated as my mother appeared close from behind me. “Lady Bridgerton” she bowed her head. The music began to start and I rushed away “I have a dance with Lord Abery” I managed to get out before fleeing from my mother’s gaze. Victor and I met on the dancefloor and started dancing. “she truly is a monster, my condolences” he said while looking at her watching us from afar. I nodded “ If it would not be for you, she would never let me leave the house”. When he turned me around I caught Eloise´s eye for a second. She was standing at the lemonades table talking to her brother Benedict. Her eyes were fixated on me in a sad look. I wanted nothing more than to sprint over to her and wrap my arms around her, I have not seen her in far too long.

After our dance my mother snatched me away and took a look into my dancecard “why is it not filled with names yet?” Before I could say another thing the Earl of Ashton approached me and took it into his own manners and wrote his name down for one dance. His smirk was disgusting and the way my mother smiled at him almost made me gag. He barley had any hair left and his beard was scruffy. My eyes were searching for Eloise and I could spot her again. Her piercing blue eyes were staring right into my soul. I completely ignored everything around me, only she mattered. While my mother talked to the Earl, Victor approached me for our next dance, earlier than expected but right at the perfect time to steal me away from the Earl. He lead me to the dancefloor. My eyes were still glued on Eloise. “Have you spoken to her yet?” he asked as our dance began. Our movements stopped me from holding eye contact. “no” I simply replied “I could not write letters” he nodded understandingly. We stayed silent for a bit. “your mother is not leaving you alone, is she?” I shook my head. I looked up at his eyes and took a deep breath in, but before I could speak he raised his voice again. “What if I did court you?” I was surprised at his forwardness. I looked to the floor. I did not want to marry a man, ever. But recently my mother has shown me that there is only one way and I kept losing hope of avoiding the path she wanted for me. It killed me inside. But If I really had to marry, It would be Victor. He would allow me to be myself and with Eloise, he was also a great friend and I would have every freedom in the world. To the world, we would appear as a married couple, but in truth, we were merely friends, each free to live our own separate lives. I could be happy, perhaps happier than I was now. I looked up at him again, took a deep breath in and nodded “yes” I said. The dance was over and the pairs were leaving the dance floor. I just stood there and looked at him “thank you” I whispered and pulled my hand back that I was not realizing was still in his. I turned around to leave as my eye caught Eloise again. Her eyes glassy and she immediately turned to rush away. I tried to go after her as fast as possible but lost her too soon in the crowd.

As I disappeared into the crowd I could not care less about my mother. My thoughts only belonged to Eloise. She was hurt, because of me, it broke my heart. I had to find her. I went outside, thinking she might have disappeared into the gardens. Arriving at the gate I found her brother, the viscount. “Viscount Bridgerton” I said standing close behind him. He turned around and bowed his head “Lady Y/N Y/L/N” “I am searching for your sister” I immediately said. She was my priority, she has been since we first met. “Eloise?” he asked with a surprised expression. I nodded “It is important” I stated, growing impatient. He shrugged his shoulders “I do not know of her whereabouts, I apologize, but she hates these balls, so it comes with no surprise” he said and a small smile appeared on my lips. “thank you” I said while nodding my head and leaving him behind. I could feel his eyes on my back, hopefully he had no suspicion.

If she did not go outside she could only be in her room. I rushed up the stairs and looked around, finding out if anybody was following me or saw me up here. Luckily, I was alone. I sneaked towards her room and took a deep breath as I reached towards the doorknob. I entered and already heard her sobbing, my heart broke at the sound. She sat on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands. “please leave” she demanded in her broken voice. I did not listen and approached her. I got down on my knees and sat in front of her, reaching after her hands and wanting to see her face. “Eloise, I am so sorry I-” She removed her hands from her face and looked me straight in the eyes. “Will you marry him?” she asked, interrupting me. “What?” She stood up and her rather sad expression changed to one of betrayal and anger. She wiped her tears away and started pacing through the room. “You disappear for a week” she started and I could make out the anger in her voice. “I thought it was because of your idiot brother but maybe I was wrong” “El you were not-” “I see you again and your dancing with Lord Abery two times, I see the way you look at each other and you cannot tell me he is not courting you.” I sighed and looked up at her “I assure you, it is not what it appears to be” “not what it appears to be? You promised me not to do this”. I finally stood up and walked over to her “Eloise I do not have a choice, this is not what I desire either” “you always possess a choice” her voice broke again and her emotions overwhelmed her. “Believe me, I am doing this for our sake” “our sake? Or your sake?” she hissed. I understood her anger at me. She clearly did not understand the situation but explaining it to her right now would probably not change things. She turned away from me, trying to calm her breathing. I myself felt the arrival of tears and I knew it was only a matter of moments before they would roll down my cheeks. We stood there in uncomfortable silence. I did not want to fight with her, maybe it was best to leave. I took a deep breath in and walked towards the door.

Right as I reached for the doorknob I heard her voice behind me. “Please do not marry him” it sounded vulnerable and not angry anymore. I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks and I turned around looking directly into her eyes. “El” she came closer to me with slow steps and repeated “Do not marry him” this time more of a whisper as she was standing right in front of me with only mere inches between us. I could feel her breath on my lips and smelled her divine scent. I nodded. “Alright” was the only thing leaving my lips as she stood close in front of me. Her presence was captivating. My eyes wandered from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes. She leaned in and her lips met mine. It felt like time stood still. I have been dreaming of this moment for weeks. Her lips moved against mine with longing and passion. My hand found its way into her hair pulling her closer. She applied light pressure and the way her lips moved against mine felt magical. Her body pressed firmly against mine and my back hit the door. Her hands moved to my waist, pulling me closer to her. We broke apart as we had to catch our breaths. Her face was still close to mine and our breaths mingled. Her eyes searched mine as I leaned my forehead against hers. My hands moved from her hair to her cheeks. She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes. I pulled her closer again and our lips collided in yet another passionate kiss. Our tongues met in a sensual embrace. We both explored each other with hunger born of the months of longing and tension. She took control and slid her tongue into my mouth. A soft moan escaped my lips, while she devoured me. I tried to loosen the strings of her dress. We parted again to catch our breaths. I felt her lips at my jaw as she slowly moved down my neck. She stopped at my collarbone as she sucked on my skin. I bit my lip and leaned my head back in pleasure. As soon as I closed my eyes her lips lost contact. She pulled me back from the door and spun me around to open my dress from the back. Her lips returned to my neck and I leaned back against her. As my dress slipped down my shoulders she wrapped her arms around me from behind and continued her work. I spun around in her arms capturing her lips on mine again. I opened her hair and it softly fell loose. I admired the way it draped so perfectly over her shoulders. She did the same to my hair as I was busy kissing her. We parted and I finally got rid of her dress and opened her corset. She released a long breath as it fell down on the floor. She turned around to face me. A huge smile was on her face and her eyes were barely red anymore, showing no sign of her crying a few minutes ago.

I still did not realize what was happening at the moment. She opened up my corset and let it fall to the floor as well. She brought me closer again and led me to her bed. She pushed me on it and crawled on top of me. I pulled her close to me, nor wanting to lose conract. I was a bit cold and as she spotted my goosebumps she pulled the blanket over us. She looked me deep in the eyes “are you certain?” she whispered. I nodded and connected our lips in another soft kiss as response. She shifted her weight on me and one of her legs was now between mine. Her arms were on either side of my head. Her body was pressed against mine and I enjoyed our closeness. We got rid of the last undergarments, which were keeping us from one another. She kissed me as her hands roomed over my body. I felt her hands moving up my legs to my inner thighs and I gasped at the contact. She slid her tongue inside my mouth as her hand wandered upwards. I moaned as the sensation became too overwhelming and I had no control left over my senses. Feeling her skin on mine was something completely unimaginable. Her hand shifted higher and higher as her other hand was resting on my chest. I breathed heavily as she touched me. I leaned my head back and moaned in pleasure. Her fingers slid inside of me. The feeling was unimaginable. My hands found her way to her back, holding onto it with force. As she started moving them inside of me my nails digged into her back and I could not keep my moans silent any longer. She looked at my face and her lips found her way to my neck and and she sucked on my pulse point. I pulled her head closer as I tangled my fingers in her hair. I clenched around her and her movements sped up. Her fingers curled inside of me. She moved up back to my face and watched me closely as I moaned out her name. she smiled and leaned down to place kisses along my jaw. That was all I needed to come over the edge. She looked at me in satisfaction as I was moaning underneath her. She rolled over and was now laying next to me. Both our heavy breathing was the only sound thay could be heard in the room. She looked over at me smiling. I turned my head to catch her gaze. She smiled at me and gently tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear "you look beautiful" I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, not getting enough of her taste. She could not stop smiling and I felt her legs intertwining with mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled herself closer to give me another kiss. My arms found its way around her waist as she nuzzled her head into my neck and closed her eyes. My left hand found its way into her hair, stroking it. She soon drifted off to sleep. I could not imagine this truly happening. I took in her smell. Her body resting this close to mine provided a great warmth and maybe for the first time in forever, security.

First of all I am so sorry for the long wait, but I promise the next chapters will come soon. Also a huge thank you for all the likes, comments and reposts! I truly appreciate it <3 also we need to talk about these new episodes, there's too much happening

also I think a taglist would be good at this point so let me know If you want to be added

[agentcable]

Supernatural Season 2 Ep. 4 "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things"

Dean and Sam investigate the death of a college student who has returned from the dead to get revenge on those who mistreated her. The ghost attacks Sam, injuring him. The brothers visit their mother's grave to pass along something from their father.

If you want to watch the series for yourself, stop reading! This post contains spoilers to the storyline.

Angela is upset and crying at the table. Neil opens a couple of beers to cheer her up. The front door is pounded. Matt barges in, demanding to talk to Angela. He finds she's left.

Angela's crying and driving poorly. Her phone rings. Matt is apologizing, so she takes her eyes off the road. She drives off the road and hits a wall, shattering the glass. Angela is dead, her head on the steering wheel, blood flowing from her mouth onto her phone. Matt is still on the line, calling her name.

Sam and Dean are driving to their mother's grave to pay their respects. Dean thinks it's irrational because there were no bones after the fire. All that's there is a headstone planted by their uncle. Dean says they should go to the Roadhouse and look for the demon. Sam and Dean argue, but Sam insists.

The boys visit the cemetery. Sam puts two silver dog tags in a hole by their mom's grave. He thinks their dad would've wanted her to have them. He says that he loves his mom.

Dean is pacing around the cemetery, not going near their mom's grave. He notices a dying tree. The tree is in a circle of dead grass. He sees dead flowers by the tree. This is an unholy place, and Dean is uneasy.

He talks to the undertaker at the cemetery and learns that the grave belongs to Angela Mason, a local college student who died three days ago. The undertaker says no one knows how the patch of grass happened. Dean tells his brother they should look into it. Sam thinks Dean is avoiding his feelings by going on this hunt. He goes with Dean to talk to Angela's father, who's a college professor.

Sam and Dean are in Dr. Mason's office and tell him that they're friends of Angela's. They come to offer condolences. They don't learn much from him, but Dean sees an odd book on Greek mythology. Dean asks Dr. Mason about the book. Dr. Mason says he uses it to teach a course.

Dean looks through their dad's journal at the motel. He's sure there's something going on. They just haven't found it yet. Something turned the grass into unholy ground. Sam says Dean is avoiding thinking about their parents by imagining a hunt. Dean grabs his jacket and keys and storms out of the room.

At Matt's apartment, Matt is on the couch watching old videos of him and Angela. He gets up and gets a beer. The camera focuses on the plant on the table that suddenly dies. Matt sits back down and pauses the video on a close-up of Angela. He sees a white reflection of Angela on the TV. He turns around and screams a blood splatters on the TV.

Dean breaks in to look for more clues. He meets Angela's roommate at her house and talks with her. She says Angela and Matt were happy and there was no reason for them to break up. Matt is dead too. He killed himself the night before by slitting his throat.

Dean walks in on Sam watching Latino porn on the SKIN channel. Sam quickly shuts off the TV. Dean tells Sam that Matt killed himself and that he'd been seeing Angela before he died. He checked Matt's apartment. It had dead plants and a dead goldfish. The only other clue is Angela's diary, which he stole. The boys talk to more of Angela's friends to learn about her and Matt's relationship.

Sam and Dean pose as grief counselors from the college. Neil won't talk, but says Matt killed himself because he was guilty. Angela saw Matt having sex with another girl.

The boys go to Angela's grave to burn Angela's remains and put her spirit to rest. They dig up her grave and find it empty.

Neil goes into his basement and sees Angela on a bed. She smiles and gets up. She kisses him and says she missed him. They kiss.

Sam and Dean see a symbol carved inside the casket roof. Dean has seen these symbols before.

Sam and Dean ask Angela's dad about the symbols. Dean is angry. Dr. Mason says these symbols are used in a demonic ritual for necromancy. The ancient Greeks used these symbols to talk to the dead and even bring corpses back to life. Dean says it's like a zombie movie. He says Dr. Mason used the ritual to bring Angela back and yells, "Dead is dead!" Dean wants to know where Angela is. Dr. Mason calls the police, and Sam says Angela isn't there because the plants are healthy. Dean leaves the house, followed by Sam.

Outside, Sam asks Dean what's wrong. Dean won't talk about it, saying he can take care of himself. He says he's being an ass, but they have more important things to worry about. They have a zombie and need to kill it. Sam says their lives are weird.

The boys are trying to figure out how to kill Angela, but Sam says it's impossible because there are hundreds of ways to kill the walking dead. They don't know what's real. Some methods say silver might work. Sam says they need to find the person who brought Angela back to life. Dean thinks Neil did it. Angela wrote in her diary, "Neil's a shoulder to cry on. He gets me with Matt." Dean thinks Neil is like Duckie from "Pretty in Pink". He loved his best friend. Neil is Dr. Mason's TA. He has access to all the same books.

Neil's house seems empty, but the boys have guns. They check the basement and find Angela has left. She might be out to kill someone. Dean thinks Angela would want to kill Lindsey because she was upset over Matt's death.

Lindsey looks at a photo of Angela and Matt. She hears a noise at the front door. Angela attacks Lindsey with scissors. She swings at Lindsey twice and misses. Lindsey kicks Angela, stabbing her with the scissors. Lindsey is shocked as she turns Angela's face up, realizing what she's done. Angela's eyes open wide. She grabs Lindsey by the throat and pulls out the scissors. Sam and Dean burst into the room and shot Angela three times. She escapes out the window, and Dean follows, but returns, saying that the dead chick can run.

Sam and Dean come in, tired of Neil's attitude. They want to know where Angela is. Sam and Dean tell Neil to put Angela back in her grave. Dean sees dead plants on the desk. Angela isn't at Neil's house. She's in the room. Dean tells Neil to leave. Sam and Dean leave the room.

Angela comes out of the closet and shows Neil her wounds. He realizes she's been hurting Matt and Lindsey. Angela wants to kill Sam and Dean so that she and Neil can live happily ever after. Neil runs to get the car. Angela realizes Neil is leaving her. Angela catches up to him and kills him.

Sam and Dean wait for Angela at her grave. They use Sam as bait to lure her back into her grave. Angela creeps up behind Sam. Sam turns and shoots her in the head. Angela is angry and runs after Sam, knocking him over and hurting his hand.

Dean fires at her chest, making her fall into her grave. Dean stabs her in the chest with a metal stake and says, "What's dead should stay dead."

Sam and Dean finish reburying Angela's corpse. Dean looks at their mom's grave as they head back to the Impala.

On the road, Dean pulls off and sits on the roof of the car. He opens up to Sam and tells him what he's feeling. He says he thinks he should have died at the hospital after the crash. John must have changed places to bring him back. That's why he kept saying what's dead should stay dead. He cries and asks his brother, "What can you say to make this better?" Sam has nothing to say, and the two sit on the hood.

----------

For more behind the scenes, follow up here:

Podcast "Supernatural - Then and Now" hosted by Rob Benedict and Richard Speight Jr.

[oddaodd]

· Heedless Words That Numb The Heart ·

Request: By anon “Regarding that last text post you reblogged, could you write something where Tommy gets angry (he doesn’t really yell, he just snaps) at his very sensitive wife and she gets very upset so he wants to apologize but let’s be honest he sucks at talking so he tries to make it up to her somehow (you can choose whatever you want but I saw somewhere that Tommy’s love language was physical touch so 🤷‍♀️) I’m sorry if it doesn’t make a lot of sense I’m frozen so it’s hard to think lol but thanks anyway 💕”

Author’s note: I feel this turned out a lot more sad than intended, I just couldn’t help myself. Irregardless, I hope you like it and i wish you the loveliest of days ❤️

Warnings: season 4 SPOILERS, mentions of death and sad themes. 

·

Tommy was being reckless, more than usual after John died. That was just the way he was, his emotions rarely manifested themselves in the form of tears and raw vulnerability, he much preferred numbing his mind with intricate heedless plans and the occasional drug. Y/n however got a glimpse of that vulnerably when he came out of the morgue after seeing John’s lifeless body.

“We should talk about it, Tommy. it’s not like nothing happened” she suggested after a particularly tense family meeting. Everyone had left afterwards, leaving only her and Tommy in the shop.

“I don’t need to” he said clearing his throat as took a cigarette to his lips and smoothly lit it.

“Ignoring it won’t make it go away, you know?” She threaded lightly.

“Oh really? Because that is  exactly what I was hoping. What ever will I do now that I know that ignoring it won’t bring John back, eh?” He spat sarcastically.

His tone taunting and patronizing, making Y/n feel stupid.

In her own mind  she was in no place to feel hurt not when the one who needed comfort was him, but she couldn’t help but feel the burn of his sharp words not even when she knew they came from a place of pain.  Thinking of what to say next she stared at him wearing a puzzled expression. An expression should have told Tommy about the effect of his words, an expression that begged him to stop but he continued.

“What would you know about loss anyway?” He asked daggers in his eyes as he took an aggressive drag from his cigarette  “you’ve never lost anything in your life so don’t come lecturing me about how I should be dealing with it”

Her lip trembled a bit “Alright”

Giving up she walked out of the room and then the building. If he didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t make him. She had never been good with confrontation and he knew it. Y/n was a very sensitive woman and the moment she walked out of the room, Tommy felt the weigh of his reply pressing down on his chest, she was only trying to help after all.

Her unsure steps walked her to The Garrison where she was welcomed with a couple of drinks from Harry as they engaged in conversation at the bar. At some point he payed his condolences over John after pouring a pint of beer for a man and Y/n felt a pang of pain shoot through her body. Maybe she was the one who needed  to talk about it, she had never been good handling death.

So, Harrys comprehensive ear was the one that received all of Y/n’s qualms regarding her brother in law’s death. Some tears were spilled but nobody dared to stare for long, people even avoiding going up to the bar to ask Harry for a refill because  they all knew the crying woman was Thomas Shelby’s wife.

When she arrived home a few hours later she was surprised to see Tommy already there, drinking whiskey by the fireplace. A sense of relief washed over his body the moment she stepped over the threshold. He knew the Changrettas couldn’t get to her in Small Heath, but he wasn’t sure if she would want to be in his presence after his harsh words.

“Im going to bed” was all she said before  making her way upstairs and into Tommys old room with heavy legs, a few moments later he was there with her, asking her to look at him with a tender voice.

Uncertain eyes met his turbulent ones as his finger softly traced her cold cheek.

“Im sorry” he said “I shouldn’t have… “

But the Y/n’s index finger flew to his lips with a soft “shhh”  The alcohol behind the abrupt action  that stopped him from saying anything else.

“It’s alright, Tom” she said “we don’t have to talk about it”

And then she let herself rest against his chest, he immediately engulfed her in his warm embrace before helping her get into bed, holding her close against him through the night. When Y/n woke up the next morning with the premonitory ghost of a slight headache, she was relieved to find a glass of water and a pill laying on the nightstand next to the bed.

Tommy was nowhere to be seen, but when she made her way downstairs she found breakfast on the table along with a note from him saying he wouldn’t be long.

The food felt like a piece of heaven, the exact same breakfast she had taught him to make when they had just started dating. A lone butterfly fluttered in Y/n’s stomach at the realization that he still remembered how to make it.

He picked her up a few hours later and drove to an open field where John’s funeral would take place. As the caravan burnt Tommy’s hand went to hold hers, his fingers intertwining with hers. His thumb tracing occasional circles against the back of her hand.

They had Christmas dinner at Charlie’s yard after the ceremony. Everyone seemed lost, unable to ignore the wailing of an empty chair, but being together after almost a year of not even talking to each other summoned a light mood to settle over the table as everyone ate.

Soon enough, conversations and drunken banter began flowing through the food Charlie and Johnny Dogs had cooked. Y/n smiled at the toasts and laughed occasionally at the things that Finn said and for a second it almost felt as it all did before Tommy’s plan from the previous year tore the family apart.

The weight of Tommys hand resting on her thigh and occasional peck to the lips provided Y/n with a warm feeling of love. Resting her head on his shoulder, they watched the urban skyline of small heath turn orange and then blue.

That night he made love to her in his old bed and just before she succumbed to sleep after an exhausting day Tommy’s raspy voice disrupted the silence that had settled amongst them.

A small “I love you” was pressed against her soft lips.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz

[ajax1230]

I’m rewatching AOT before Part 2 of the Final Season airs TOMORROW and here are some things that stuck out to me:

1: LEVI IS SUCH A DICK 😂- disclaimer, I love this man with all my everything. Shawty a lil baddie, he my lil boo thang 😏 but YALL the way he talks to Eren is too much! And yes, I obviously knew this before but the fact that he is specifically a dick to Eren really jumped out at me. Called Armin and Hange the ‘brain trust’ and Mikasa a kick ass body guard, then he looks at Eren, who probably has a concussion and just fist fought a Titan that was his good friend. I mean this FIFTEEN YEAR OLD is really going through it all and puberty, and Levi has the gall to look at him and say “don’t screw it up”. First of all there wouldn’t even be an ‘it’ if Eren weren’t there but that’s beside the point. Lmfao but really I guess it’s his way of showing affection, still it kinda kicked me in the teeth on the rewatch. Don’t come for me or my McDonald Toy sized king, he’s an asshole but we’re still loving it.

2- I love Hange even more now- After the Utguard Castle incident, Eren is in Titan form rocking the ‘Armored Titian’s’ shit. Hange comes down and perches on Erens shoulder to give him strategy talk. He looks at Hange with his big ass head and nods. Hange gets red and does the squeal. I THOUGHT it was adorable! That must have been their dream to have a Titan finally speak to them after all the experiments and shit they had to do. Now how Chris Hansen feels about the noise Hange made, I guess we will never know.

3-Erwin weird asf.- I gotta say it. He’s my Responsible Daddy and whatnot but dude needs some serious rehab in the social department. First of all, what human has that perfect posture with all that gear on? It’s ridiculous. Secondly, again Chris Hansen might have a few words about how he grabs on these kids shoulders and asks them existentially vague questions. “Hey lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear-“ COMMANDER IF YOU DONT TAKE YOUR SEVEN FOOT TALL ASS AND DO SOME WORK. Aren’t there condolence cards you should be writing out? Anyways, I feel like Levi’s still so salty at Erwin (in prior seasons) cause anytime Erwin tells him to do anything Levi just does the sassiest arm cross like “why tho?” In conclusion, Erwin is scary as fuck but I’d still take on that Spooky Dicc no matter the season. MOVING ON

4-Ymir.- Ymir, Ymir, YMIR. Honestly, she was too hot for what they did to her. Down right dirty. And we were ROBBED OF HISTORIA AND YMIR KISS SCENE. There were so many opportunities! It would have been cinematic glory. I’m down with everything her mean ass stood for, even though we would have had to fight in person, I feel like she would have read my soul to me. The thought is so scary I might throw up. Did her dirty, want a redo and I want it now.

5- last one for now, but the fight between Mikasa and Annie.- WHY! I think I repressed the memory from when I originally watched the series but I forgot they just leave us on a cliffhanger. I believe there is a manga/spin off that may talk about it but I’m not sure. Either way as an anime watcher I’m crying. I was ready to see Mikasa unload on Raggedy Anne, especially after calling her an animal and laying up on her man like that. Justice for Mikasa (on so many levels but for now this specifically)

That’s all for now, I may rant more coherently later if I feel inclined but I just wanted to screech into the void before the new season starts up and I forget these little moments. AOT is so special to me this season is going to be so hard to watch but everything ends eventually so let’s enjoy it while it lasts!

[katblu42]

Tie Me to the Moon

Installment 4 (of 5) in my Whump Wheel spinning experiment. This spin was for John and gave me Cuddling For Comfort and Cemetery.

It is another Young Tracys fic, but it requires some WARNINGS as it deals with grief/mourning, funerals and of course a cemetery. I'm also tagging for social anxiety, sensory overload and panic attack, although I'm not entirely sure exactly what I'm putting John through. If there's any additional warning or tag I need please let me know (or if these ones don't hit the mark).

Possibly more angst than whump.

The day started early. Scott had spoken with John and Virgil the night before about how much he was relying on them both to help get Alan and Gordon ready, since Grandma and Dad would both have a lot on their plate. So, John had set the alarm for 6am to give them time to wake themselves up before tackling the tinies.

By 9am all five boys were awake and fed and dressed in their Sunday best, shoes shined and hair combed awaiting final inspection before the cars arrived to take them to the church. Normally it would have been Dad who inspected the troops before such an important occasion but, like many other things over the last week or so, today the job was taken on by Scott. He left no stray hair or speck of lint unscrutinised, while their father was barely able to do more than glance at his boys and give Scott a pat on the shoulder as he passed on his way out the front door.

Scott decided it would be best if he went in the lead car with Dad. It was the one that had been fitted with the kiddie seats for Gordon and Alan, and Scott could sit between them and keep them settled. That left John and Virgil to ride in the second car with Grandma. The car trip was mostly silent, but Grandma told them they both looked very smart and did her best to smile despite clear indications she was holding back more tears.

As they neared the church it was impossible not to notice the large number of parked vehicles, some still offloading passengers. John let out a large sigh as their car pulled up in front of the chapel. The soft murmurings and general bustle of the gathering crowd penetrated their insulated little bubble even before the driver opened the door to let Grandma out. Virgil waited until he’d caught John’s eye and received a nod before opening his door so both boys could exit on the same side of the car.

The kindly young driver from the funeral home seemed to be keeping most of the well-meaning mourners at bay as the family gathered and were solemnly led into the church and ushered to the front pew. John tried to focus on the flowers, the quiet organ music, the soft glow of sunlight filtering through stained glass rather than the coffins or even the photos of Mom and Grandpa, and definitely not the endless stream of people filling the rows of seats behind them. It was a slightly tight fit getting all seven of them in the one pew, even with Alan on Dad’s (and later Scott’s) lap, but John was glad of the warm press of Virgil on his left and Gordon on his right.

The service was a simple, no-frills affair with the Minister officiating, but friends and family doing most of the talking. John listened through Dad and Grandma retelling stories he’d heard before, but there were little details revealed that he had never known. The anecdotes shared by the others who stepped up to the pulpit microphone – one of Grandpa’s farming neighbours, and an old friend of Mom’s from school – almost felt like stories about other people. It didn’t feel like they were talking about the people John had lost.

For John losing Grandpa was like a constellation of stars going missing from the night sky. It was Grandpa that had told him people are all made of the same stuff as the stars. He had been a quiet, watchful presence in his life, providing light and joy whenever he looked up and saw that twinkle in Grandpa’s eye. Like Ursa Major and Polaris, Grandpa was always there guiding him, giving direction when needed, but never wanting to overstep or overshadow his parents. Not the brightest light in his orbit, but an important, comforting presence that meant John always knew his place in the world.

Mom had been the sun at the centre of his life, his family, his everything. Without her all the light and warmth was gone from the world. Instead of a regular (though slightly wonky) orbit his world now felt like it was tumbling through space and gravity was constantly shifting. One moment he was too heavy to move and the next he was so light might be flung out into space. Night and day and seasons, years and everything he measured his life by had been connected to his Mom – waking him and tucking him into bed, making sure he dressed warm enough or wore sunscreen or had his raincoat, keeping track of birthdays and holidays and school excursion days were all her.

During the service no one spoke of Mom and Grandpa like that.

There was music. One of Mom’s favourite piano pieces. Virgil had wanted to be able to play it today, but hadn’t been able to bring himself to even sit at the piano, much less play at all since the accident. So a recording had been found and it was played as a backing track to the slideshow that flickered through image after image of happy memories telling part of two life stories.

There were prayers. Reassuring words from the minister about heaven and God’s love, and the love we should all share with each other. John wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about heaven, or God calling Mom and Grandpa home to his kingdom.

There was a poem read out by one of Mom’s work colleagues. It was something about not crying or being sad because they were gone, but being happy because they had lived. Many of the people in the room were obviously ignoring the advice – his immediate family included. There were a good many wet handkerchiefs and tissues in hands, a great deal of suppressed sobs and eye rubbing, and a few sleeves swiped across cheeks before the service was over.

Scott and Dad were among the pall bearers who carried the coffins out of the church and onto the waiting machinery that would take care of their final movements. John and his brothers and Grandma were the first of the mourners to follow in the sombre procession. Only a small number of people were permitted to follow the hovering gurneys across the grass and through the little cemetery to the waiting square-sided pits. Just family and a few close friends to witness the way the machinery slowly and smoothly lowered each coffin down into the earth, hear the minister recite the final ritual words, and each place a flower or a sprinkling of dirt atop the coffins in a last goodbye.

The rest of the large crowd had been encouraged to make their way into the Sunday School hall where the wake was to take place. Refreshments had been generously laid out on the tables inside. More photographs of both lost loved ones were on display throughout the room, along with so many more flowers and a large number of cards. But many of the people in attendance that day were still milling about outside the church buildings when John and his family returned through the cemetery for the wake.

John’s feet dragged as he approached the gentle hubbub of mingling friendly faces with sympathetic expressions. He could pick out people he knew well if he let himself concentrate, but the sheer number of individuals he was heading towards was a little overwhelming. They didn’t make it inside the hall before the onslaught began. Almost everyone wanted to say something, speak of sympathy, tell a story, offer “any help you need.” So many wanted to reach out, hold a hand or squeeze an arm, some came in for full-on hugs, cheek kisses and loud, teary exclamations of how sad it all was.

John lost his Dad and Grandma to the throng faster than he thought possible, but before he could be swept up in it himself he was thrown a lifeline. There was a familiar presence by his side, a brush of hand against hand, or specifically pinky against pinky – a request and an offer. John grabbed hold of Virgil’s hand and held fast, tethering himself to his brother like an anchor.

He wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened or how long it had taken, but eventually they all made it inside the Sunday School hall. John was only aware of Virgil’s hand in his, the rest was a blur of faces, voices, bodies. Virgil dealt with anyone who stopped them to offer their personal condolences, listening to what they had to say and responding politely but managing to keep the interactions brief and shielding John from most of the attention. Somehow they made their way to a cluster of chairs where Grandma and Dad were seated, Alan in his father’s lap, still accepting condolences from well-wisher after well-wisher.

John was aware of sweat beading on his forehead as Virgil told him to take a seat next to Grandma for a bit, and then his brother disappeared into the crowd to go and fetch Grandma a cup of tea. He wiped sweaty palms on his trousers as he tried to look around the room. His eyes fell on Scott standing a few feet away, taking all the sympathetic social interactions in his stride, nodding, smiling, shaking hands, accepting embraces.

John’s mouth was dry and he wondered if he could make it across the room to grab a drink from the trestle table against the wall, but there was a sea of bodies he’d have to negotiate in between. For a moment his vision blurred and the vague images of people swam in a dizzying fashion before he could find something to focus on. Alan had obviously grown tired of the hair ruffling and cheek pinching and wriggled free of his Dad’s grasp, and was now trying to run through the small gaps between grown up pairs of legs. Gordon was keeping an eye on him – in between snaffling more cakes and cookies from the food table. John watched the terrible two until they were obscured by too many featureless figures.

Despite the late-winter-cool of the day, the church hall felt uncomfortably warm. The large space with its vaulted ceiling, tall, wide windows and polished wooden floorboards felt dark and gloomy and so very crowded. And the non-stop undercurrent of murmuring voices appeared to build in an unbearable crescendo John could not shut out. Too many bodies, too many voices, too much, too close . . . he needed space, he needed air, he had to get out!

Virgil saw his brother get up and hurry a little unsteadily to the exit as he came back with Grandma’s tea. He tried to keep an eye on the red-head so he could follow, but he had to excuse himself to Grandma and Dad, make his way over to Scott, politely interrupt the conversation and whisper in his big brother’s ear.

“John’s bolted. I’m going after him.”

Scott acknowledged with a nod as his eyes darted to the door, already closed again after John’s escape. Virgil wasted no more time in following, but once outside it took him a moment to figure out which direction John had taken.

John had no particular destination in mind, he just needed to get away. His feet carried him across the gravel driveway and through the grass without him registering the change of surface. He ran through the little cemetery without seeing the tombstones he passed, slowing only when he approached the boundary marked with a low stone wall before a neat, tall hedge. Unable to go any farther he turned and wobbled dizzily. His vision narrowed leaving dull blurred impressions of light and shadow. He heard nothing but the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, and he sank down to the ground, sitting heavily, knees bent and pulled up towards his chest. He scrunched his eyes tightly closed and slammed his hands over his ears, trying to block it all out.

Virgil approached slowly, but without trying to hide the sound of his footsteps. He lowered himself to sit facing John, resisting the strong urge to reach out and touch him. Seeing his brother in such distress clawed at his heart. He couldn’t let him struggle through this alone.

“John?” He kept his voice quiet and hoped he could be heard despite the hands staying firmly pressed against ears. “I’m here with you. Just me. No one else is around.”

There was no noticeable response.

“If you can hear me, I need you to try and slow your breathing down a bit, John. Deep breath in,“ and Virgil inhaled, “and out nice and slow.” Virgil waited for a second, watching John’s shallow, ragged breathing for any change. “In,” another inhaled breath, “and out.”

As Virgil continued repeating the instruction like a mantra John’s breathing gradually began to even out into slower, deeper, more controlled breaths. He wasn’t sure, but he thought John’s vice-like grip over his ears might be relaxing a little too.

“You’re doing great, John. Keep focusing on your breathing. Keep listening. Hear the breeze whispering through the leaves? Did you hear those birds?”

John did hear the cry of a bird overhead, and an answering call a little farther away as his hands drifted away from his head. As he lowered them to limply rest on the ground beside him he heard a gentle gust of wind rustle the hedges, and he registered that it did indeed sound a bit like a whisper.

“The sun’s broken free of the clouds. Can you feel it on your face, John? Can you feel the wind in your hair? You do realise there’s dirt and leaves beneath your fingertips, right?”

John turned his focus where his brother’s voice directed it, feeling the warmth on the left side of his face, and the breeze toying with his hair. There was indeed leaf litter and slightly damp dirt beneath his flexing fingers.

“If you’re ready to open your eyes you’ll see the moon’s out. I like the way the moon looks in the day. Against the blue of the sky the shadows make it look almost see-through.”

Translucent. That would have been a better word for what Virgil was trying to say. The thought flitted through John’s mind as he let his eyes drift open and scan the sky until they latched onto the gibbous moon framed by scattered cumulous clouds. He was also aware there was irony in the way his brother was effectively using the moon to anchor him, to bring him back to earth and ground him in the here and now.

Virgil had stopped talking, leaving the wind and occasional twitters and cries of the birds to fill the silence as John watched the clouds dance around the moon. He could feel his brother’s eyes on him almost as tangibly as he could feel the damp earth he was sitting on and the cool stone of the wall at his back. Now feeling much calmer he took a deep breath and brought his gaze down from the sky to meet the concern and compassion contained in those warm, brown eyes.

“Welcome back.” A hint of a smile played across Virgil’s face as he spoke.

A quiet moment stretched between them. No words spoken, but information passing from brother to brother through eye contact alone.

Content that John was no longer caught in a spiral he couldn’t escape on his own, Virgil glanced over his shoulder towards the Sunday School hall.

“I should go back, but you can stay here if you want. I’ll come and find you when it’s time to go. Just don’t wander off or anything.”

John didn’t speak as he chanced his own glance back toward the ongoing wake. Then, as Virgil made a move to get up and leave, John reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Stay. Please?”

Virgil stopped and stared first at the fingers digging into his wrist, then into pleading, desperate aquamarine. He simply nodded and adjusted his position so he was sitting next to John, their shoulders touching. John loosened his grip on Virgil’s wrist but didn’t let go, so John’s arm looped around his knees and Virgil’s arm crossed his body to keep the connection. There was an almost imperceptible hesitation, but then simultaneously John leaned in towards his brother and Virgil wrapped his arm around John, pulling them into a secure embrace.

John finally let go of Virgil’s wrist, bringing his arm in close, grabbing a fistful of Virgil’s suit jacket and snuggling closer into his brother’s chest. This enabled Virgil to employ both arms in the hug. John rarely cuddled up like this with anyone, but all the times he could remember doing so were with Mom. His next intake of breath hitched at the realisation, and Virgil held a little tighter. The threat of tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and he was grateful that, while not the same as a cuddle from Mom, he was still able to find this level of safety and comfort in the arms of someone who loved him.

“I want her back,” he sobbed, letting the tears flow and drip onto Virgil’s jacket.

“Yeah. Me too.”

John heard the tears in Virgil’s voice, but he already knew his brother felt the same absence in their hug.

Neither boy could say how long they stayed out there, huddled together, holding tight while hot tears streaked their cheeks. Time may as well have stood still for all it mattered. Nothing else was important, just the feeling that this moment, however sad, was there’s alone to share until Scott came and found them to tell them it was time to go home.

[seriouslyhooked]

When We Collide (Part 5)

Emma Swan has always known one thing: trust no one but yourself. Unfortunately she forgot her one rule and now she’s paying for it. One bad decision led her to the monstrous ‘Crocodile’ a mobster in New York who goes by the name Gold. Hope seems lost until she meets another person in this underworld, Killian Jones. Despite the place they find each other, a true love blossoms, and they manage to get away. But what will happen when Emma discovers who Killian really is? Will love prevail? Um, yeah, I’m writing this, so duh – it’s all love all the time. Fic features motorcycles, hot guys in leather cuts, and a bit of action/drama. Will end happily, and despite the first chapter, will be light on angst. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. Available on FanFiction Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hey everybody! First and foremost, just want to thank those of you still on this journey with me. My motivation to write has been so much lower than I thought it would be, but I haven’t lost sight of what I want from this fic and I am happy to finally share a new installment. This chapter brings a last burst of road trip fluff and the build up to a big moment  – Emma’s introduction to Killian’s life in the MC. It’s going to be fun to explore these dynamics in the next few chapters, but for now I hope you will enjoy, and I can’t wait to see what you all think. Thanks so much for reading!

In the quiet, tranquil calm of a woodland morning, Killian watched the cabin bedroom fill with sunlight, bringing the softest golden glow to the rustic room where he and Emma had spent the night. Birds chirped to greet the new day’s light, and the gentle breeze among these mountains brushed branches from a nearby oak against the windowpane. The whistle of the wind and the gentle swish of leaves on glass melded together into something deeply familiar, a symphony of sound, the song of sunrise.

Sadly, this song was the last of its kind that Emma and Killian would enjoy on this journey. The final portion of their cross-country trek would come today, and when they arrived back home, a new reality would set in. Things would change drastically, Killian would have to reengage with a life he’d long ago left behind, yet despite the challenges that awaited him, Killian was astounded at the peace he could feel in this moment. Holding Emma as she still lay sleeping, he was filled with contentment, choosing to anchor himself to something that would be forever constant: his love for this incredible woman.

“You’re doing it again,” Emma murmured, stirring from sleep and already entirely aware of him before she’d so much as opened her eyes.

Killian let the sultry sound of her sleep-laced voice wash over him. It sent a similar sensation coursing through him as the soft brush of her fingertips over his chest. Strumming an unknown melody, her hands on his skin lit him up inside, and though he’d just taken her a few hours ago, he was already ready to devour her again. Strewn out like this, in the glow of early morning, Emma was a vision with gold hair and sun kissed skin. She was stunning, and through the grace of God and all good things, she was miraculously his. The thought of that gave him great comfort and his own hold on her tightened ever so slightly. In truth, he was so distracted he nearly forgot to answer her sassy statement, but the smile that appeared at her lips as her green eyes opened for the day demanded that he ask for more.

“Doing what, love?”

“You’re loving me so much that I simply can’t sleep through it.”

Another man would deny such a cheesy proclamation, or deflect from the depth of his feelings, but not Killian. No, his Swan had called him to the floor, and she was right. He was up this morning thinking only of his love for her, and while other thoughts may threaten to encroach on their time together, he had pushed them all aside. She was the best way to stay grounded and centered, and he was selfish, needing to soak up every last drop of their moments together just to keep his peace of mind.

“I’d offer some condolences, Emma, but I think we both know how you feel about my loving you.”

He murmured the words against her skin, taking advantage of her lingering drowsiness to pepper kisses on her lips, her jaw, and then the hollow of her neck. He hummed out a sound of sheer delight when he felt her shiver beneath him, and when she let out that perfect moan of hers, the one that was part gasp and part plea for more, he was lost. All conversation was behind him, and he knew the only thing left was to show her how much he loved her. Luckily for Killian, nothing had ever come so naturally.

The choice he must make this morning was between a fast and hard claiming, or a slow, steady savoring of two souls becoming one. The payoff for either was bound for greatness, but Killian was keenly aware of how everything would soon be different. Once they arrived back with his brothers, the solitude they’d cultivated would be encroached on, and though Killian had his own house, which could provide ample space and privacy, he also had a sneaking suspicion that his brother and fellow club members would be highly invested in him and his woman. After weeks of it being just the two of them, Killian knew he’d have to share Emma’s attentions, and that he too would have to interact with people other than his Swan. It would all be good in the end, but he wanted to make the most of these last truly secluded moments that they had together.

The teasing slowness of his ministrations became a torturous affair not just for Emma, but for him as well. He began by tasting her everywhere, tracing every line and curve of her, with extra attention paid to the places that made her blood sing. He hung on every breath she released, and every charged call of his name that whispered past her lips. When she came apart from his touch alone, his sense of pride surged dramatically, but the most beautiful sight was when she relaxed back into that post-climax moment, gazing at him with love in her eyes and nothing but a soul-deep contentment in her heart. It made a man feel worthy to know he had put that look on his woman’s face, and for Killian it was the closest he would ever feel to absolution. He’d done wrong in this life, made choices that veered well off the path of what was good or moral, but somehow, she still loved him, and Killian was better for that love.

By the time she was ready to be taken, Killian was so riled, his senses were frayed in all directions. Knowing that he was already worked up, Emma decided to push him further, murmuring that she loved him and asking him to make her his. The searing heat of his need for her was constant, but the feeling when he thrust inside and claimed her was the most agonizingly incredible feeling in the world. Nothing should feel this right, or this perfect, but with Emma it always did. Their rhythm was synced to perfection, their love palpable in the air around them, and though Killian did his best to savor every bit of it he could, it always felt like it was over far too soon. All it took was Emma arching her back, crying out in ecstasy, giving over to bliss, and he was right there with her, spent but saved and feeling like despite the uneasiness of this next moment, he and Emma could handle anything.

“Whatever happens today, it won’t change anything,” Emma said, her fingers running through his hair that was growing longer than he normally allowed it. She pushed it out of his face, before looking into his eyes and smiling in a way that melted his heart. “I love you, and I always will.”

“It’s the same for me, love, but rest assured, if you feel even the slightest discomfort, we will move on. We’re bound to nothing but each other.”

“Killian, this is your home -,” she began. He quieted her thought with a kiss before clarifying the truth to her.

“You are my home, Emma. Wherever you wish to be is where we will be, and I will be the happiest man alive just for being by your side.”

Emma readily accepted this promise from him, whispering that she felt the same as they continued to laze for a while more together, enjoying their connection and soaking in this last bit of privacy. Eventually, they had to get up and check out from this retreat, and they moved through the morning with a practiced precision of two people who had done this for weeks. Travelling had become second nature to them both, and the six-hour ride standing between them and his brothers would be easily managed.

For Killian, the journey honestly felt too short, though he made sure to stop and keep a steady pace for Emma’s sake. He knew she had never been to California before, and there was something magical about this place compared with every other. It was easily the most beautiful of the terrain they’d been in for weeks as well, and in Big Sur specifically, there was a natural beauty totally unique to this corner of the world. Giant forests rose impossibly high into the sky, a cross between the woods of the pacific northwest and the jungles of South America. Trees stood so tall the tops could not be seen, and even in patches where fires had blazed in seasons past, life prevailed, with green vegetation growing from ash and soot and dust. When they reached the ocean, Killian felt Emma’s hold on him tighten, an indicator of her excitement, but he still drove quite a few miles down the cliff-lined coastal highway before pulling off to stop.

“Now this is the kind of view I could get used to,” Emma murmured as he helped her off the bike, taking in the secluded patch of beach they’d driven towards where not a soul was nearby. With her hand in his, Killian immediately felt stronger, but the look on Emma’s face prompted a gentle, pleasant aching in his heart. She was happy to be here, in awe of this place, and to Killian that meant everything.

“We’re closing in on our destination now, love. We’ll be back well within the hour if we drive straight through, but there’s something I would very much like to show you, if you’re interested.”

“Lead the way, Captain.”

He led her down the pebbled path to the seaside, torn between watching her reactions and actually navigating their course. The best part of this was that Emma had no idea what was coming. They’d approached from the perfect angle, preserving a truly hidden gem from sight. Only when they rounded the corner would she see it, and as they made their move, he heard her gasp and felt her hand squeeze his tightly.

“Oh my God… I don’t even have words for how beautiful this is.”

Killian completely understood the feeling, though his own sensation of being struck speechless by something truly stunning often came directly from Emma. In this case, the beauty in question was an old, yet faithfully enduring shore house. It was painted white, weathered from storms, but still well-kept and largely preserved against the passage of time. The nearby community saw to it, since the owners of the home had long since gone. This shoreline was all public lands now, but the house remained, a testament to the man who once lived there, a gifted artist, and a natural born storyteller.

The remnants of his decades old art were painted, drawn, and constructed into the very foundation of this home and the mediums of expression were all treasures from the sea. Sea glass especially was plentiful here, drawing dizzying swirls of color along the house, the wood working and more. The glass had been cemented there for decades, but it shone with the same fervor and sparkle as ever. Shells of all shades, some whole and some not, were also used. Iridescent golden hued pieces, hewn from the mix of cold ocean water and warmer kelp garden pools were the stars of the show. They were each a small treasure uniquely found along these rocky coasts, often collected by the sea otters who called this sea shore home. This collection of the rare shells was astounding, and made all the more beautiful by being mixed in with others that were delicate shades of white and ivory and some that were a cooler oyster blue. They hung from wind chimes in the beach trees and off the lanterns, while some darker shells had been ground down to a painted stain that had been used in part to tattoo larger rocks that were too big for the sea to claim. Wherever the eye looked it was drawn to spiraling shapes and stories, never running out of objects to admire.

“How have I never heard of this? And how are we possibly the only ones here?” Emma asked, moving closer and looking at the intricate designs of shells and stones that had been added to the sands and earth more recently. A local commission of artists was in charge of these added displays of beauty, updating them occasionally, but usually waiting for nature to clear the slate. After a big storm where rainwater washed it all away, or higher tides than normal where the sea came just to the house’s front steps, new designs were created and enacted. But it was clear that there had only been sun for some time, and they were fresh on the heels of an exceptionally well-done redesign.

“Very few people know of this place, love. It’s a secret that is guarded by the people of this town so tightly you’ll find no books or blogs or trace of it anywhere. Liam and I are two very rare exceptions, outsiders with the good fortune to know it’s here.”

“How did that happen?” Emma asked, leaning into him and eager for the story from his past.

“My brother and I needed escape when we were here with our father, but we had little means of finding it,” he admitted, bracing himself for talk of that past life, and knowing he should get used to it now that they were nearly home. “The sea was the only thing of comfort for both of us, and we came to it as often as we could. We scoured every last bit of the coast, and I mean every bit. One day we landed here, and happened upon this house as we were searching the coastline for unknown coves. It was easily the best find we ever made. Of course, we nearly scared the life out of the woman who was crafting the shellscape that day, and once she alerted the other town’s people there was a big to do. We were sworn to secrecy and all the like. We never did tell a soul. It remained our secret – one idyllic hideaway from the world we lived in.”

“But now you’ve broken your oath,” Emma said, looking at him curiously, though she was clearly glad for his breach of that old promise.

“Some may believe that.”

“But you don’t?”

“No, love. I believe the promises I have made and will make to you supersede any others. Besides, I am fairly certain that the promise is null when it comes to my wife.”

“Funny, I don’t remember getting married,” Emma said, though her teasing was a front for the rush of emotions she was feeling. “In fact, I don’t even remember you proposing.”

Let’s change that, he thought to himself knowing he had the ring in his pocket right now, but reason won out in the end, and he remembered his plan. He wanted to get Emma totally settled into their new life first, and to make sure she was ready in all ways. He knew she loved him and that she would be his forever, but it was only right to ensure that he do things properly.

“Soon enough, love. You have my word on that.”

Emma grinned at his affirmation, pulling him down by the collar of his leather jacket and kissing him passionately. When they broke apart, she asked him to promise they’d come back here and he did, and after a bit more time in this private oasis, they headed back to the road, driving towards their destination once more.

The ride along the coast was quick, far quicker than he remembered, and when they pulled off the coastal highway and to the discrete exit leading to the town he’d once grown up in, Killian could sense Emma’s surprise. They didn’t need to share a conversation for him to gauge her apprehension and excitement. She was no doubt wondering if they were really going to be living amongst this dense and beautiful forest. It would be a big change from her life in the cities she’d always known.

Soon enough they made it to the town line, reading the hunter green placard that announced their arrival. Unsure of what he expected, Killian was surprised to see just how much improvement had been made in his time away. Their town had always been quaint, but it could easily be described as ‘down on its luck’ when he was a boy. He knew it was his brother’s hope to not only remove the stain of his father’s shady dealings, but to help revitalize this community in a way that had been lacking for decades. But when Killian departed to seek his revenge on Gold, those ideas were mere figments of a would-be dream.

Liam has truly made good, he thought to himself as they cruised down the main street. Here along the town’s center there were new businesses and old ones that had been repaired and shaped for competing in the world today. Things were still classic and beachy, but the energy around it all gave away two important facts: the first was that this town was being tended to and cared for by its tenants, the second was that it was also being protected, and that anything that may threaten this currently peaceful ecosystem would not be allowed.

In this stretch of the ride, Killian could see some familiar faces in the mix, people from his old life in this town who were going about their day to day none the wiser about his return. There were also quite a few new faces as well, but Killian could spot the tourists right away. Their biggest tell was their fixation on his bike. People who lived in this region regularly would be densensitized, and since Liam had imposed a safety parameter for the town from other gangs, they wouldn’t bat an eye, even at a biker without his cut.  

Not far beyond the center of town was the Den, the once large warehouse that had been reconfigured to fit the Land Pirate members and families when need be. When he was here last, the place was little more than a dump, with tell-tale signs of partying strewn about both outside and within. There was also a crappy, rusted gate around the perimeter that did the job of securing the place on some level, but had always been a huge eyesore. Gone was all of that, and in its stead was higher tech, better quality fencing. The Den was now fortified, and Killian could see the precautions put in place that passersby may not realize were installed. He also took note of the probie standing guard at the entrance.

Well this should be interesting, Killian thought as he drove up. He had no idea who this probationary member of the club was. Killian would have to explain who he was and that could get awkward. But before he had the chance the unknown man was speaking.

“Well I’ll be damned. Pres was right. Hook’s come home again.”

“Pres?” Emma whispered and Killian replied quietly.

“That’s Liam’s title here, love.”

“And Hook?”

“My road name.” Emma nodded, taking it all in stride as Killian turned his attention back to the probie. “So, he’s expecting me then?”

“Has been for weeks. You sure took your time getting out here, Hook.”

He looked at the probationary patch on the man’s Land Pirates leather cut and saw the stitched name ‘Mouse.’ Had to be a story behind that name. Didn’t exactly blend with the others who were patched in when Killian was here. “How do you even know who I am?”

“You kidding? You’re a legend, man, and so is she.”

For a minute Killian tensed up, thinking that Mouse was talking about Emma. He was feeling protective, and didn’t like the idea of other men looking her way unless they were going to show the proper respect. Only when Emma let out a laugh did he realize his mistake.

“Oh my God, you mean the bike! That’s classic. Please tell me it has a name.” Emma’s joking was incredibly apparent, and Killian was surprised at how nonplussed she was by their being on unknown turf.

“She,” Mouse stressed and Emma bit back her laugh, but her body still shook with it. “And yeah, bikes get names.”

“Wait don’t tell me. This will be way more fun if I can guess. Hmm, Harley? No that’s kind of obvious. Uh, I mean what do you call a gendered bike? Kind of a tall order… Oh I know, Lady. Kind of on the nose with the whole ‘it’s a she’ thing, but it works, right?”

Killian chuckled at the way Emma was enjoying herself, and he noticed the look of shock on the probie’s face. Clearly he didn’t understand the situation. This was no ordinary woman on the back of his ride giving him shit for having named his bike. This was the most important person in his world, and no one, club member or not, was going to question that.

“Look, kid, my woman and I have been on the road for awhile. We could use the rest, and it’s probably best not to keep my brother waiting anymore.” The overt use of the label for Emma created a total mood shift in Mouse. He had taken the hint.

“Absolutely, Hook. Ma’am.”

The change in tone as he nodded at them and buzzed them through to the compound was pronounced, so much so that Emma mentioned it when they parked and she stepped off the motorcycle.

“Is the somewhat caveman ‘me man, she my woman’ thing baked into this whole MC life?” Emma asked, her brow arched even as a smile teased at her lips. “I’m not complaining, per se. Just curious if I’ll have to announce my belonging to you everywhere I go.”

“Probies are probies for a reason, love, and the reason is they’ve got a whole lot to learn and more than one thing to prove. The men in this club with a patch, my brothers, they know better than to disrespect a woman, Old Lady or not.”

“Ah right, I forgot about that charming title. I don’t know who possibly came up with that one. ‘Old Lady.’ It’s so… unflattering. Had to be a man.”

“In this world, you can blame nearly everything on a man, love,” Killian quipped and Emma grinned at his assessment before continuing to lament the biker term for a man’s significant other.

“I honestly thought I’d have a few years before getting called ‘old lady’ and even then it would be by bratty neighborhood kids, not hot guys in leather who name their motorcycles.” Killian growled at the mention of men being hot and Emma teased him with a nip against his lips that was designed to have him wanting more but was only meant in jest. “But don’t worry, I’ll make up for all of this somehow. I’m gonna find you the perfect partner nickname that undercuts how irresistibly sexy I find you in all your leather. I just need a little time.”

“You can call me any damn thing you want, Emma. As long as you call me yours.”

The words were honest and immediately shifted the sass of Emma’s commentary to something softer. Instinctively, she placed a gentle and loving kiss on his lips before they both turned to the warehouse. Together they walked hand in hand towards the door, and when they entered, Killian held his breath. Would this place look like the nightmare of his youth? The place he’d have fought through anything to get away from? It took only the briefest moment to see those worries were unfounded.

Killian was utterly relieved at how normal the Den looked, and how the relic of old had been completely rehabilitated. The general concept was the same, starting with a vastness in the entrance that made it seem like this place went on forever. The entryway blended into a great room where club members and guests spent a lot of time, and in the back there’d surely be more changes to go along with these ones. Killian knew the kitchen and living quarters, the war room and Liam’s office all would have been revamped if this part of the warehouse was. But this communal space in particular held a lot of painful memories. The ghosts of this place had haunted him for some time, but they were nearly all cast away by the warmth and modern makings of this renovation. It made Killian want to see more, something he never truly believed was possible, but as curious as Killian was, there simply wasn’t time. Soon the renovation was forgotten, and instead he was faced with the all important figure standing there, waiting for him after years of no contact. 

“Liam.” 

…

Post-Note: So I know I have stopped it right at the start of a hugely important reunion, but I fully intend to make up for it in the next chapter. Introducing the actual MC is going to be such fun for me, but, as with this chapter, it may take some time before I have a next installment out. My muse has been tricky, but I am hoping to get a bigger chunk of my story, ‘Feels Like This’ written by the end of the year so I can hopefully finish it up. Anyway, I would love to hear what you all thought of this chapter, and as always, I really appreciate you all reading and thank you so much for the support! Until next time!

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Good morning!

I’ll never get over the end of Supernatural. 

I just won’t. 

And I’m gonna talk about it some more under the cut.

Buckle up. I’m back on my bullshit.

Here’s what’s jarring: The end of 15x18 felt so honest. I mean, we can make jokes about Jensen’s reaction shots and super mega hell or whatever, and we can be angry about Cas’s fate, too. That last one, at least, is a totally valid criticism. 

But Ackles, Collins and Speight have all gone on record on that moment in the show, talking about the heart and honesty behind it (Speight and Collins on a virtual convention chat, Ackles in the instagram comments of a woman who worked in wardrobe on the show, though he was talking about the how as a whole). A lot of thought and care and work - and probably fights with the network - went into that one scene to make it land, and if you’ve been actually watching the show, it really does, especially if you take into account that you now get to rewatch the show with the knowledge that Castiel was in love with Dean, and that’s going to give a canonical, romantic context to his actions.

But when we hit 15x19 and 15x20, it...it feels like a completely different show. 

Here’s what’s interesting about Supernatural: Since day one, the underlying heartbeat of the show has been this lowkey feeling of yearning. Of reaching out for something you know is just out of reach. And I don’t know if that was intentional, and I don’t know how they managed to keep that up for 15 years (I blame the cast), but for whatever reason, that feeling is entirely missing from the last two episodes.

That heartbeat just...isn’t there. And so when we watch the last two episodes, and very specifically, the last episode, it feels all wrong. It feels like we’re watching cardboard cutouts of these characters.

Dean’s million year death scene felt all wrong. Jensen acted the hell out of it, but it felt all wrong. The end montage felt all wrong. Even Heaven felt all wrong. It was all wrong, for a number of reasons.

1. The big one being that Supernatural is an action show. And the last episode had no action. The first 10 minutes of the episode is great as a set-up. Dean and Sam keep on keeping on. The dog, the laundry. All good.  

But then we come to the pie conversation, and we find out that Sam and Dean...

Are not actively looking for a way to bring Cas back. 

This is the one major plot thread left for the show to cover. Castiel has been taken by the Empty to fulfill his deal, and if there’s one thing we know for a fact about Supernatural, it’s that these dumb boys make deals and then do their damndest to save each others’ skins from the consequences of those deals.That’s been the through-line of the show sinse season 2/3. 

So why is it dropped here? 

Dean’s acceptance that his best friend - who just confessed that he was in love with Dean - is gone forever is deeply out of character. 

2. And I’ve talked about this a lot: killing a character with a history of mental illness and suicidal ideations and calling it a reward is a bad look. I can’t stop thinking about it, and it makes me feel downright ill. It goes against all of the work the cast has done to raise money for mental health awareness and it’s just a dark, unhappy end for a character who saw 15 years of growth and acceptance. I will never be over Dean Winchester’s death. Ever. 

3. Cas’s love confession is never mentioned again. This enormous, beautiful confession he gives Dean is just...forgotten. Dean never mentions it. He never tells Sam that it happen. We have no indication of how Dean feels about it at all, save for a little smirk he gives when Bobby mentions Cas helping Jack create Heaven. 

We can read the smirk a number of ways. It could be a “yay Cas is safe” smirk or a “Yay I finally get to talk to him about how mad I am that he made that deal and also tell him I love him back” or a “Sweet I’m super gonna get laid” smirk.

But we’re given no real answers. 

Which leads me to my final point: 

4. The finale commits to nothing, and ignores everything we previously knew about the show. It gives no real answers or finality to anything other than Dean’s death, and then, eventually Sam’s. “Was that blurry woman Eileen?” You figure it out. “Did Dean ever see Cas again?” The world may never know. Jared went on record as saying that the finale takes place 5 years from 15x19 but that’s not confirmed because 15x20 makes no mention of a time jump. So maybe it was, but maybe it wasn’t? Why did we get this tiny shitty funeral for Dean when Sam could have called Jody and Donna and Bobby and Charlie and Claire etc. Even with COVID restrictions there would have been a way around showing the characters being there and us being TOLD that they WERE there. A call from Jody, saying she and Donna were on their way? A condolence call from Bobby? Rowena is the queen of hell, and she cared about Sam a lot. She couldn’t call to check in? As it is, Donna has law enforcement calling one of Dean’s phones for help because Sam told none of the people who also loved Dean that Dean had died. Which is totally out of character for Sam not to lean on friends, and also fucked up. What happened to Dean’s dog? Did Sam ever talk to any of the people in his hunter life ever again? If Jack had saved Castiel from the Empty, and it is, in fact, five years in the future, it is out of character for Castiel not to be watching the Winchesters from heaven. He would have seen Dean get mortally wounded, and it’s very out of character for him not to come down and save Dean with his Angel mojo. 

So my big question is this: Why did we watch 15 years of this show only for one of them to die in a really ho-hum, out of character way, and the other to live an apple pie life he wasn’t even happy in? 

I think about that a lot: That Dean’s ending, his death, we’re told, is a good death, and that he gets to rest and be happy in heaven. Which feels wrong.

And Sam lives the apple pie life, which we’re told is a good life and something he’s at peace with, which also feels wrong, and we’re SHOWN it’s wrong, because Sam isn’t happy. 

In the end, we’re told that the only true happiness is in death. Which, for a show that spat in Death’s face - that literally KILLED multiple incarnations of death - makes absolutely no sense. 

And it’s driving me crazy  because I can’t justify anything that happens in this episode except for Dean hugging the dog, and Sam hitting Dean in the face with a piece of pie. 

what the fuck.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 7x12 The Stranger

This is an episode I’ve enjoyed a lot more on rewatch than the first time. Which I kind of expected. The first time, I really didn’t like it, but this was mostly because I was too impatient to see Bardo and Bellamy, and really didn’t have patience for the Sanctum scenes, which again took up so much of the episode, or focus while watching them - that is, I did at the beginning, but not in the second half o the episode. 

In fact, there was nothing that bad about the Sanctum scenes, and I enjoyed many of them on rewatch, but this storyline is simply not as interesting as the one about the Anomaly, Bardo and the Disciples, especially now when Bellamy has returned and just had a most dramatic character transformation, 5 episodes before the end of the show. And that’s been the main problem of the season so far: pacing. Jumping from one plot to another works when you have two equally interesting and exciting stories, and that really isn’t the case here.

It also didn’t help that this episode - by a first time writer - had too much clunky dialogue, such as so many times when characters were recapping events to each other:

Indra recaps to Memori what happened in a scene we saw 5 minutes earlier (at least this was brief)

Hope recaps her life story to Jordan, which we already saw in 7x02 and 7x04 and heard retold 7x07

Madi recaps what happened to her on Earth (to be fair, we did not actually see that on screen)

Bellamy recaps not just 7x11, but also season 3 and season 6

Murphy recaps 7x03 to Nikki

Now, some of this was probably necessary, but some of it wasn’t exactly - for instance, did we really need to hear Hope’s life story again? The scene was very nice, but we could’ve just have Hope tell Jordan “Dev was my friend” and assume she already told him who he was. This wouldn’t bug me if it was just one scene, but it was so many of them in the same episode. It’s OK to have characters sometimes learn info off-screen, especially when there’s just a few episodes remaining. It’s not that there isn’t enough time left to resolve all the storylines - there are 4 episodes left, about the same net amount of screentime as the entirety of Avengers: Endgame - but the show needs to pick up the pace.

It could’ve been a better episode, especially considering the fact that some big things happened, and the storylines finally converged by the end of the episode, setting up potentially exciting final 4 episodes. 

On the more positive note - it was very interesting to see Bellamy’s conversation with Cadogan and his repressed but clearly conflicted emotions in his scenes - first with Echo and Raven, and later with Clarke and Octavia, and his attempts to find reconcile his new faith with his desire to save the people he loves. And on rewatch, I enjoyed a lot of the other scenes -nice character moments with Madi and her friends, and with Jordan and Hope, cute moments with Memori, or even Murphy’s confrontation with Nikki, though I would’ve enjoyed some of them better if they had happened in some other episode earlier in the season.

Bardo

Bellamy is now in full-blown Disciple mode, wearing one of those ridiculous white robes, similar to what Doucette wears, even though Bellamy is not a Conductor or a science-oriented person like Gabriel, hasn’t gone through any Disciple training and isn’t even Level 1 (as seen by the lack of the marks on his face). He is clearly being treated as one of the top Disciples anyway, one of Cadogan’s inner circle, which may be justified by the fact that he has gone through the Etherea pilgrimage. We know that Cadogan’s pilgrimage is a big deal in Disciple religion, which would raise both his and Doucette’s status, but he is also, of course, important to Cadogan because of his connection to Clarke and the “Key”.(Sidenote: I don’t think anyone has been appointed the new First Disciple after Anders’ death. The job of the FD was to act on behalf of the Shepherd and lead in his absence, and wake him up every 20 years to update him on the progress of the search for the Key and the Final Code. Now that Cadogan is there to lead himself, he has no need for a deputy anymore.) 

He is also getting to have one-on-one talks with Cadogan. This scene is one of the most interesting in this episode. Bellamy is incredibly repressed, with subdued feelings, but those emotions are still simmering and coming through on his face and in his voice, thanks to Bob’s great acting. Bellamy gives Cadogan condolences for Anders’ death, and Cadogan replies that he really barely knew and didn’t care about Anders, which we knew already. Cadogan interprets this as Bellamy testing him if he has any attachments. I don’t know if that is true or just how Cadogan read it, or if Bellamy assumed Cadogan and his FD must have been close, and/or if he was doing it so he could bring up the issue of his friends, who are supposed to be executed for “their” crimes. (Which are really just Echo’s and Hope’s crimes, but the Disciples seem to have decided they bear collective responsibility, even though many of them tried to stop it - and no one is disputing it.) Cadogan goes on about how trying to suppress attachments and emotions is a long way and says he is still struggling with it after doing it for hundreds of years. (No, Bill, you haven’t been even conscious for hundreds of years. You were in cryo. Shut up.) He says Bellamy reminds him of his son Reese/ Since Bellamy and Reese are nothing alike, I can only interpret this as Cadogan trying to manipulate Bellamy by presenting himself as a father figure. I thought at first that he may really have meant it because he assumed Bellamy would be as loyal to him as Reese was - but that’s clearly not true, since the end of this episode shows that Bill does not fully trust Bellamy.

Bill thinks that Callie must have killed Reese, since he apparently can’t see any other reason why Reese never got to bring him the Flame. It says a lot that 1) he assumes that 1) Reese always remained loyal to him and that 2) Callie would be willing to kill her brother. He always put them against each other and made them fight as children. And he doesn’t even entertain the thought that Reese may have had any character growth and changed his mind. I have a feeling he may be wrong on both accounts.

But Bellamy is good at manipulating Cadogan, too, in order to save his friends - he realizes that Bill’s family is his weak spot. Cadogan was not entirely convinced by Bellamy’s suggestion that the Flame can be repaired, but he was affected - even if he didn’t admit that - when Bellamy told him he may find out what happened to his children through the Flame.  I’m not entirely sure if Bellamy believes that 1) the Flame can be repaired (which may or may not happen) and 2) the Commanders' memories would still be there (which doesn’t make a lot of sense and seems unlikely). He is very sincere about his faith, and he says later he can’t lie to the Shepherd, so he wouldn’t be lying... But he is clutching at straws to save his loved ones, maybe even trying to convince himself. And there’s also the fact that he does lie to Cadogan later, during Clarke’s MCap.

We then see two conversations Bellamy has with the people close to him - the first one is with his Spacekru family: his girlfriend Echo and his long-time friend Raven. The second one is with Clarke and his actual family, Octavia. The Disciples again made sure to put characters in cells for two people, but we don’t get to see Bellamy talk to Miller and Niylah (even though the scene was filmed, as we saw in the promo pictures). I hope that scene was not cut due to time - considering how much screentime was used up by the Sanctum storyline, again, and these characters are constantly getting short-changed. But I think it may have instead been cut because of the story structure - to focus on just these two scenes. What’s more, Raven’s role is much smaller than Echo’s in the former scene as she leaves early, and, surprisingly, Octavia plays a secondary role in the latter, which is mostly focused on Bellamy and Clarke’s interaction. And considering how the former scene was changed from the script, - Bellamy’s emotions toned down, Bellamy not explaining his experiences to Echo and Raven as he does later to Clarke and Octavia - which made the contrast between the two scenes stronger, I think the intention was to focus mostly on Bellamy’s relationships with Echo and Clarke, and that the compare and contrast was deliberate.

Throughout both of these scenes, Bellamy insists that he is trying to save everyone from death, while also being true to his faith, but his loved ones, understandably, are shocked by this new Disciple Bellamy, who feels like a stranger, and who is acting as one of their captors and is even willing to let them be put in MCap against their will. He notably does not answer the question Echo asks - if he is ready to watch them die, which is a strong possibility if his attempts to placate Cadogan don’t work. Instead he just says “You know that’s not what I want”, which doesn’t answer the question. Maybe because he is not sure yet what the answer is. But he does answer one other question...

In his talk with Raven and Echo, Bellamy shows emotions (including concern when noticing Echo’s scars), but they are very subdued, and he eventually makes it clear that, if push comes to shove, he is prioritizing his new faith over his people. Raven reacts with typical Raven anger, and throws the words "So much for family" in Bellamy’s face (echoing what Bellamy himself said to Miller in season 5 - "So much for the 100"). Echo is also indignant but tries to plead with him, hoping to bring back old Bellamy in him - without any success. Which may be seen as a sign of how strong Bellamy’s indoctrination is... but looking a little beneath the surface, a lot of what she says makes me wonder how well she knew the old Bellamy in the first place. Bellamy, on his part, asks Echo to believe in him and be on his side, but his argument is to appeal to her feelings for him (”I am the man you love”), expecting her trust and loyalty without really offering anything in return, such as, say, some promise, some mention of his feelings for her. Echo tells him about how obsessed she was with saving him... and then avenging him - she is really channeling S2 Finn with how she refers to her genocide attempt as a grand romantic gesture and sign of love that he should appreciate. Even if Bellamy was his old self, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be happy to hear that. Disciple Bellamy remains stone-faced and gives her only a flat “I’m sorry you had to go through that”. 

(And this is what annoys me about this scene and this storyine in general: somehow, Echo is made to look morally superior, after having murdered and betrayed multiple people this season an some two days after she murdered people as a way to torture Levitt and almost committed genocide, and no one has any time to even mention that or blame her for anything. If Bellamy had done a fraction of her actions, it would’ve turned into a huge story of guilt and Bellamy being blamed and needing to redeem himself forever.)

But regardless of how you see these characters’ respective arcs, one thing is clear: they are on completely different wavelengths. Echo mentions how she tried to keep her identity by scarring her face - but that scarring was an Azgeda custom; the core identity she was trying to preserve was that of an Azgeda warrior/spy, which is hardly something to mention as a positive thing to Bellamy. Not only does it have nothing to do with them as a couple or as a team/”family”- her Azgeda spy/warrior identity made her Bellamy’s enemy and caused him a lot of trauma. This is either some weird and bad writing, or an intentional attempt to show the cracks in this relationship that have been there all along. Bellamy, on his part, seems to think Echo will understand the appeal that this faith has for him - a promise of “no more war, no more killing”. Why does he think this is something that would appeal to her? Fighting and killing for her “people” and her “King” and fulfilling her mission is what she lives for, even after having spent 11 years in peace.

Throughout this scene, Echo looks very emotional, especially by her standards, while Bellamy is incredibly restrained. She finally asks him point blank “Is this (his faith) more important than us?” This is a very ambiguous line, because the pronoun “us” can be understood as “all of us, your family/friends” or “you and me/our relationship”. There’s been a debate on which one she meant - I even created a Twitter poll about it (where about 2/3 of voters said they thought she meant their relationship). I can see both of these interpretations, but the intimate way she said that line and the way she was looking at him make me think that she meant “us” as in their relationship. Either way, the fact that Bellamy - after a pause - unambiguously answered “Yes”, makes it pretty clear that this relationship is over. I find it hard to see any future in this relationship even if/when Bellamy stops drinking the Kool-Aid. I do think someone will be able to get to him, but it won’t be Echo.

Echo cries after he has left (which I feel was much more in character than if she had been crying during their talk, as in the script.). Back in 7x04, Echo asked Orlando: “ It must be hard to dedicate your whole life to something that may never come.” I’ve always felt that was foreshadowing for Echo’s own arc - with the way she was saying she wouldn’t know what to do without Bellamy. I didn’t expect their relationship to end for this reason - but this is a much stronger blow for Echo than if they had just broken up for more mundane reasons. She didn’t just lose her boyfriend, she lost her king.  If her arc is to make any sense, the show will have reflect on her life, identity and priorities and her find some purpose in life that’s not about Bellamy or serving another leader.

Octavia and Clarke are together in another cell - and we get a brief interaction, where Octavia tells Clarke she “finally understands” her, because she knows what it’s like to have a child you’re desperate to protect. I’m not too fond of this line, because it feels kind of obvious but also reductive - “I finally understand you” makes it sound like she finally understands who Clarke always has been, since she met her in season 1, which doesn’t make sense. It’s reducing Clarke to the role of the mother, and it would make a lot more sense if Octavia said she now understood the post-Praimfaya Clarke. But understanding was never an issue between them in season 5 - Clarke was simply standing in Blodreina's way. It was back in seasons 1-4 that Octavia had trouble understanding Clarke and her decision as a leader - something that she probably understood when she became a leader herself, responsible for a bunch of people.

Bellamy’s second big confrontation is with Clarke and Octavia. And in this one, Bellamy was much, much more openly emotional, much more vulnerable. This time, he not only told his experience to his sister and Clarke - he is now desperately  pleading with Clarke to believe in him. He doesn’t bring up her feelings for him, but their connection and - in a way - his feelings for her, what he did for her, the fact he did not give up and brought her back to life in S6. They are both yelling and looking in pain and with tears in their eyes. He isn’t shouts “I am trying to save you, all of you!” But this is not about Clarke believing in him or dismissing his experiences. She accepts that what he says may be true, but refuses to give in to a man like Cadogan and let him start a war, and she stands her ground, while Octavia turns away from her brother to comfort her, looking at him disapprovingly. If someone can get to Bellamy, if his feelings could outweigh his faith and loyalty to Cadogan, it is most likely to be Clarke (It could be Octavia, of course, but the show is not choosing to focus on their relationship at the moment.)

I’d like to point out that we have seen this kind of angsty conflict between Clarke and Bellamy almost every season, and often around this part of the season, and that it always ended in an equally huge reconciliation. In season 3, it was earlier (3x05 to 3x11). In season 4 it was in 4x10/4x11 with a reconciliation in 4x12. In season 5, it lasted from 5x09 to their big reconciliation in the season 5 finale. They always end up forgiving each other because they can understand each other - and are a united team in every season finale.

I want to address something else I’ve seen people say: that it is “worrying” that Clarke has called Bellamy her best friend twice this season, after never having defined their relationship that specifically before. Which is seen by some as a sign of the show trying to “clear” that they are “platonic” - even though this really doesn’t do that. (Anyone remember a certain real life tweet going: “Recently, I married my best friend and soulmate...”?) If anything, it is a step forward, since she has previously only referred to Bellamy as one of her friends/family. What else would she call him that would give him a special place, unless you expect a love confession from her at a moment like this (or talking to Cadogan in front of everyone), which wouldn't make sense. Specifying their current relationship status  of two characters feels like something you would do if that status is to change - one way or other. (I think that Bellamy has also been called Echo's boyfriend for the first time in S7.) 

The struggle inside Bellamy continues as he sends Clarke to MCap - which rightfully shocks and hurts both Clarke and Octavia, But he clearly has a hard time seeing Clarke in pain. and, in spite of what he said earlier (that he can’t lie to the Shepherd), lies to Cadogan, claiming Clarke doesn’t know where the Flame is. There is no way he actually believes that - Clarke didn’t even try to pretend that she didn’t know it, and she’s struggling to hide that knowledge. Unfortunately it’s an obvious lie Cadogan sees through, but the cracks in Bellamy’s loyalty to him are starting to show.

(Many people were hoping that the MCap session would allow Bellamy to see Clarke’s memories and that this would be some kind of breakthrough that would let him realize her feelings for him and get him emotional - but I’m glad nothing like that happened, Mind violation is not a good way to bring two people together..)

Clarke, being Clarke, hurts herself rather than giving Cadogan what he wants and letting him start a war, until he promises he release her friends.

The show is really not subtle with its imagery - first we had Kane crucified in season 3, and now Clarke looks like Jesus with a crown of thorns. 

So, Cadogan sends the rest of the group (Octavia, Echo, Hope, Miller, Niylah, Jordan) to an unknown location, as a collateral, so Clarke would keep her end of the deal and find the Flame for them. But he doesn’t reveal the location to Clarke - or to Bellamy, because, in his words, he doesn’t trust Clarke. But this means that he doesn’t really trust Bellamy, either - at least not when Clarke is around.

Doucette seems to be constantly hanging around Bellamy - he was there when Bellamy was reunited with his people, he appears after Bellamy’s talk with Clarke and Octavia, and he’s with Cadogan, Bellamy, Clarke and others in the team that goes to Sanctum. I don’t think it’s just because they are the Disciple version of friends - I think Cadogan has made Doucette Bellamy’s unofficial Handler, and that he’s supposed to keep an eye on him and make sure he stays loyal and doesn’t give in to the temptation of emotional attachments to his friends and family. He also has a brief interaction with Echo, where he seems amused and mildly contemptuous. Which makes me think he’ll have some interesting interactions with Clarke and possibly others in 7x13 (but mostly Clarke, especially going by the promo photos) while he is  around Bellamy to remind him of his Disciple side.

There’s been a lot of speculation where the group has been sent. It’s certainly not Skyring, Etherea or Nakara or Sanctum, which means that the options are either Earth, or some new place we haven’t seen yet. It would make sense if it was the same place where Gaia was. It certainly seems that we won’t see this group before 7x14, as the upcoming episode will probably be full focused on Sanctum. The Stone on Earth has been shown to be offline - but so was the Stone on Sanctum, and that didn’t end up mattering at all.

What I don’t understand is why Cadogan thinks they won’t be able to find their way to Sanctum - which is why he didn’t let Gabriel and Raven go with them. But they do have Disciple helmets (unless all info in them has been disabled), and Jordan was around when Raven talked about the Anomaly and has spent a bit of time researching the Bardoan text on the Anomaly Stone on Bardo - so I expect him to be able to figure things out.

So many of the characters need to resolve their storylines - Echo, Hope, Jordan? The former two have character arcs that badly need resolution and character development, after they have lost everything. Hope has been driven by anger, pain and revenge all season - and it all came crashing down when she attempted to commit genocide, and unintentionally caused her mother’s death as a result. Diyoza’s last words were to be better than she was. Hope still has Octavia, who has struggled with and resolved the darkness and violence in her soul, and now she also has Jordan to bond with, as they did in their scene in the cell in this episode. They are two of the kids who grew up in isolation and raised on stories of Clarke, Bellamy, Raven, Murphy and others as legends, but with drastically different worldviews and experiences. I expect both of them to survive to the end, together with Madi, as the new generation/hopes for the future of humanity.

As for Jordan, I would say that his arc needs a resolution, but his brainwashing by Trey at the end of last season seems to have been completely forgotten and ignored. Maybe it became a casualty of the rewrites, when the show opted to go with another brainwashing/indoctrination storyline with another one of its men of color. I certainly prefer this Jordan we saw talking to Hope and comforting her, but why didn’t the show keep him that way all the time, without that really annoying Prime-apologism phase?  

I feel that Octavia, on the other hand, has completed her character development, but she needs to deal with the loss of Diyoza, have some meaningful interactions with Hope, and of course, a resolution to her relationship with Bellamy. 

It really struck me how little Bellamy/Octavia interactions got focus in this episode - their one scene was more focused on Bellamy's interaction with Clarke, and Octavia didn't even get a line or closeup in the scene where they were being sent off (unlike Clarke, Echo, Raven, Gabriel and Miller) nor even a moment of eye contact with Bellamy (unlike Echo and Clarke). That must mean there are going to be big Blake sibling scenes later, probably in the finale.

Sanctum

When you think Sheidheda can’t get more over the top, he does it again. I don’t know if this is a bad or good thing. If you’re doing a cartoonish villain, go all in, right? It’s kind of entertaining, though it doesn’t fit with the usual way this show does villains. This time, he actually has a throne made of skeletons! (That’s one way to use those skeletons of the Primes’ former hosts.)

He’s also borderline  Villain Sue, with a bunch of incredible fighting skills that now go beyond Grounder style fight. Now he’s also really good with automatic guns. When did that happen? I mean, Madi does know how to shoot a gun, but still? The scene where he shoots all of the Children of Gabriel would’ve been much more convincing if he had given a sign to Wonkru to start shooting them, instead of doing it all by himself.

Nelson’s (Sachin)’s death was fitting for his character, and many would say it was heroic and impressive, refusing to kneel to another false god. Or one could say it was stupid and pointless - as it did not result in just his death, but also the deaths of all the people he was leading, and that he should have instead taken Emori’s advice and knelt today so he could find a way to beat Shady some other day, while saving his people. I’ll let you guess which one of these is closer to how I feel. In any case, on the Doylist level, I’m not fond of how fast the show is to kill off another bunch of people, but it is what it is, the show has always been fond of mass murder. And this is Shady’s second one this season. First he killed the majority of the Faithful, and now almost all of the Children of Gabriel - so we wouldn’t have to deal with more factions of people in the show’s endgame. And conveniently, CoG got removed from the board just before Gabriel comes back to Sanctum, Now we won’t have to have that arc followed up on. How many people are left in Sanctum now that aren’t Earthkru? There must still be quite a few of the ordinary Sanctumites there, such as Delilah’s parents, but we rarely get to see them. I would hate it if the show killed off the majority of the Sanctum residents just because they’re not major characters.

The only CoG who gets to survive is Madi’s friend Luca, the one other CoG we know. Indra, who witnesses the massacre and saves Luca, must be thinking back to how her mother knelt to save her (just like she knelt to save Madi) and hopefully realizing that her mother wasn’t a coward and did the right thing. 

Meanwhile, Murphy and Emori are hiding Madi, the remaining Faithful, and now Luca, too, in the nuclear reactor. Trey, the big believer, has no problem suggesting they kneel to the guy who killed his god Russell, before Murphy points out that Shady would kill them anyway for fear they would want revenge. Oh, Shady - you killed so many people and didn't even have the decency to kill that annoying asshole Trey?  

One of the best parts of the Sanctum plot in this episode is Madi comforting a really traumatized Luca - who has lost first his biological family when Shady killed the Faithful, and now his people/his real family - and telling a group of orphaned children a story of her own survival in the Shallow Valley. Whether or not this is foreshadowing for a possible return to Earth (I am in two minds if this is going to happen or not), it is a sweet moment of hope for rebuilding life and society, similar to the scene between Jordan and Hope.

Murphy confronting Nikki and telling her how and why her husband died and that his sacrifice should not be in vain, is a good scene - and won’t be pointless if it finally results in some sort of character development for Nikki, who has been so one-note throughout this season. But she is simply not that interesting. The one interesting thing about her plot is that she could remind Murphy of who was back in season 1, but the show, usually not subtle with parallels, hasn’t done anything with that so far.  

There also some lovely Memori moments - they are the one couple in the show who are getting to be happy and have these ordinary coupley scenes. And you know that I have always shipped Memori. But the problem here is - there have been many cute Memori scenes this season; they have both proved to be good leaders, who take care of people, playing the role Clarke and Bellamy did once; Murphy has been proving every episode that he’s a real hero now, coming a long way not just since season 1 but from his questionable and selfish choices in season 6, too. He gets told “I’m proud of you, Murphy” again by someone, this time Indra. All of this is very nice, but repetitive. After so many episodes this season have shown us these things - we get it. We don’t doubt anymore that Murphy and Emori are heroes. Sheidheda is 100% a villain. There is no moral ambiguity - except with minor characters: the only unpredictable thing about the storyline is what Nikki will do and whether Knight will stop obeying Shady. It’s not that this is a terrible storyline, and on rewatch, it was fine in this episode - but the other storyline is way more interesting, and there are so many other characters that are in pressing need of character resolutions, with 4 episodes to go.

At the end, we’re left with a stalemate, as Murphy is captured by Shady, but Shady can’t move to capture or kill Emori and the people they are protecting in the reactor, because she could blow it up, so he leaves Knight to wait for them to come out. 

And then, finally, Cadogan and the group come from the Anomaly. Why did we have that Disciple so dramatically disconnect the Sanctum Stone in 7x04? Another abandoned subplot? Wonkru simply moved the Stone and brought it tot Shady, and it worked just fine. 

(I suspect the Flame may turn out to be impossible to repair or useless, because the show has been emphasizing Madi’s remaining memories so much this season - and that wasn’t needed for this plot, since Shady also remembers the Anomaly Stone and could have been the one to tell Wonkru about it. The Disciples may end up trying to get her into MCap to see if she remembers the Final Code that Bedca used.)

I’m ecstatic that the Bardo storyline is finally converging with the Sanctum one. But that somewhat initially ruined by the bad direction in the last scene, which made it less clear which of the characters were back on Sanctum, until you went back and paused the scene. Clarke asking “What the hell happened here?” and Murphy’s reply “Gee, where to start” was great, but the fact that so many people  were asking “Did Bellamy come to Sanctum with them?” and weren’t sure of it before the Inside the episode and sneak peeks came out, shows how poorly this scene was done. It should’ve made it crystal clear that Bellamy, Raven and Gabriel were coming back to Sanctum together with Clarke and Cadogan - getting people excited for the next episode.

Rating: 6.5/10 

[misssunflowersandsangria]

This is my Idea

Chapter 4:  House Exchange 

Hello, my little deers!  Happy 4th day of @shikatemaweek ! Omg, we are like halfway through it.  So sad!  It’s been incredible Shikatema babies!  Okie, here’s my next chapter.  I had to get creative with this one but I think that the prompt came through.  Please enjoy it!

Prompt:  House Exchange 

Ages:

Shika:  19

Temari: 21

Summary:  A stay in Suna

*

**

“Temari?”

“I don’t want to talk Kankuro.”  She replied back, turning away from the door.  

“I know, just open up please.”

Annoyed, she stomped over to her door throwing it open.

“What?!”  The person that greeted her on the other side wasn’t who she expected. 

“Shikamaru?”  She’s just been back from Konoha for about a month now and seeing him again brought a multitude of emotions forward.   

“Hey, Temari.”  She fell into his arms and the tears she’d been holding back came rushing like a flood. He carried her back into the room holding her tightly as her tears soaked his vest.  His Princess had been through a lot he needed to be there for her. 

He held her as she cried whispering words of comfort into her hair. In all the time that they’d spent together, he’d never seen her this torn apart. 

When Temari woke up her room was now dark.  She sat up feeling her head pound.

“Hey, drink this.”  She looked up confused seeing Shikamaru handing her a cup of tea.  She must have cried herself to sleep.

“Thank you.”  He nodded settling down next to her and she wordlessly rested her head against his chest as his arm wrapped around her. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Come on Tem.  There’s no way that I was going to let you go through all of this alone.  My parents will be here for the services. I just wanted to be here ahead of time.”  She nodded mumbling a word of thanks into his chest. 

The passing of the Kazekage had come to a shock.  Once he heard the news all he wanted was to be by Temari’s side in Suna.  Nothing else mattered.  He left as soon as he could with little notice.  His parents assured him that it would be okay to go and would follow after tying up some loose ends. 

“I brought some things.”  He shifted to place a bag on the bed.   

“Our friends all sent something for you. There’s a bunch of things in there but I know that Chouji sent you a bag of his favorite chips and Ino sent a face mask that helps with puffiness. I don’t know what that means.” 

She felt genuinely floored by their thoughtfulness and kindness. “Thank you, Shikamaru. This is really sweet.” 

He nodded before taking her hands.  “How are you doing?”

“It hurts.  We weren’t the closest but he was still our father.  I’m worried about my mom.   Everything is going to change now. Gaara is going to become the Kazekage.  Kankuro and I as his advisers.  We have so much to take care of.  I don’t know what we’re going to do-” 

“Tem, calm down it’s okay.  Focus on the present.  The rest of it we’ll figure out.  Your brothers will be okay, Suna will be okay and with time I think that you will be too.”  She nodded settling back into his arms using his heartbeat to ground herself. 

“You’ll be here right.”  She didn’t know if she just meant now, tomorrow, or even far into the future but he just nodded.

“Always.”

*

**

“So we finally meet Shikamaru.”

Shikamaru straightened up surprised, coming face to face with Temari’s mother.  “Queen Karura.”  He bowed deeply.  

“Please let’s not stand on formalities.”

He nodded still a bit nervous in her presence.   “My condolences.  Your husband was a strong leader and he helped usher in an era of peace that may not have been possible otherwise.”

“My family and I appreciate you and your family being here and your kind words.  I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while now.  Thank you for taking care of my daughter all these years and for being here for her now.”  She offered her gratitude with a gentle smile.

“Please, no thanks is needed at all.”

“I know but still you have my appreciation.  As her mother, it was difficult to have her away for all that time.  When my husband mentioned that she was in your care it helped ease my worries.  I always miss her when she is gone but she would return each year so happy with such wonderful memories and stories to share.  She mentioned you more times than I can remember.”

“Probably complaining…”  he replied without thinking.  “My apologies!”

Karura just smiled at the flustered Shinobi.  “A few complaints sure but usually she said your name with a kind of fondness I’d never seen before.  You seem to have made an impression on my little girl.”

“Honestly, she’s done the same for me.”  Karura nodded with a smile. 

“Now that Garra will be installed as Kazekage Temari will probably need to remain in Suna throughout the year.  I imagine that next Summer will be the last that she can return to Konoha and remain there for the season in her capacity as ambassador.”  Her words felt like a shock to his system.  He knew that eventually, their arrangement would come to an end.  He didn’t think it would happen so soon. 

A thoughtful look crossed the Queen’s face as she looked out towards the landscape in front of them.  “My daughter is like the desert.  She is untamable, harsh, and wild.  But maybe you can also agree with me that she is also our sun, beaming, bright, beautiful and warm.  She just requires some balance.  Someone that can reflect the beauty and light within her.”

“What are you two talking about?”   They both turned around seeing Temari regard them curiously.  

“Nothing my darling I just felt that it was time for me to meet your dear friend.   I must go greet more people.  Once again, a pleasure to meet you Shikamaru.”  The Queen turned to pull her daughter into a warm hug.  

“I love you my little Sand Storm.”  Temari blushed at the display of affection but returned the hug.

Temari walked over to where Shikamaru was leaning against the railing.  “So that’s my mom.”

“She’s very nice.”

“I know, I’m lucky.”

A warm hand came to brush a stray hair from her eyes.  “How are you doing?”

She took a deep breath before responding.  “I’m okay.  Overwhelmed and needed a break.”  He nodded as they stood there together on the balcony.

“The stars seem brighter out here.  It’s like you always told me.”  

“Yes, cloud watching is great in Konoha but you can’t beat star gazing here in the desert.”  She replied resting her head against his shoulder. 

There were so many thoughts rattling through his head and things that he wanted to say.  Instead, he was content to stand out there with his Princess under the moonlight gazing at the stars. 

*

**

“Tem?”  Shikamaru was surprised to see her standing at his door during the dead of night.  He stepped aside so that she could come in.  

“I just wanted to check on you.  I brought you a fan too.  I know that it gets really hot.  It’s actually been hard to get used to it after spending all those Summers in Konoha.”  She explained placing a small fan by his bedside.  Surprising him she took a seat. 

He knew that he’d probably get his head cut off if someone found her there, but if she needed his company right now then it was worth it.  

There were a few times during her stays in Konoha where she would sleepover at the Nara compound.  Nights similar to this.  They’d play games, stargaze or just stay up late talking.  She needed a distraction so he’d gladly be one.  

They sat side by side leaning back against the headboard sharing a few snacks that Chouji sent with him.  They delved into fond memories of shared Summers.  

“I broke my arm.”

Temari just shook her head.  “You wanted to know what it was like to fly.”

“You were supposed to catch me.”

“You were supposed to use your shadows to catch yourself.”  She argued back remembering that day.  They had a crazy idea one summer that she would create enough wind to levitate him giving him the feeling of flying.  It was a great idea until it wasn’t.  He’d thankfully just broken his arm after the fall but he still held it against her.  She just chuckled before resting against him. 

“We’ve been through a lot together.”   Shikamaru agreed, the queen’s warning ringing in his head.  He wasn’t quite ready for their adventures to end.  He wanted many more shared memories. 

“We helped each other grow.”  He knew that he couldn’t have become half the man he was now without her presence in his life.  

“Is it okay if I stay here?  I’ll leave early.  I just...I don’t want to be alone right now.”  She requested her eyes hopeful.  

“Of course Tem, whatever you need.”

They laid down and she cuddled into his chest his arms wrapping tightly around her.  “Stay here, okay?”  She requested her eyes beginning to flutter asleep.  

He kissed her forehead pulling her even closer.  “I’ll always be here.”

*

**

This is my Idea

Chapter 1:  Trust 

Chapter 2:  Marriage

Chapter 3: Anniversary

Chapter 4: House Exchange 

*

**

I needed at least one story where Temari’s mama was alive and was the sweet mommy she needed.  Give me more stories about Temari’s mom!  Okie, I have two more chapters for this story.  I have a final one but uh it got real smutty, real fast and I’m a little apprehensive about putting it out there.  We shall see!  Okie thanks loves!  Hugs and kisses to you all!  See you tomorrow!

[doopcafe]

The Michael Burnham Show: Die Trying (3x05)

Summary: Michael Burham collects seeds to earn the trust of a Starfleet admiral, above.

Comments: I was so disgruntled from that awful Voyager holodeck episode that I "convinced" Akina to return to Season 3 of Discovery (note: one does not simply convince Akina of anything).

Okay, so we left off with Adira recovering her memories on Trill in Episode 4 and giving Burnham the coordinates to future!Starfleet.

So let’s get this “plot” out of the way first. Discovery meets up with future!Starfleet and the admiral in charge recounts some recent history of the Federation for the audience: they’re down to just a few dozen member worlds, and “without warp,” they’re unable to contact others or coordinate their organization. Skipping over subspace communications and the fact that there were ships warping around the first couple episodes, the admiral thinks the Discovery crew are temporal agents and up to no good. The episode shoves in some dying aliens the first chance it gets and Burnham concocts a plan that drives this episode: She’s gonna use Discovery’s spore drive to jump to the last known coordinates of a seed ship (a seedbank spaceship), get some seeds, then return to cure the nameless aliens (with the seeds). Spoilers: they collect the seeds, cure the aliens, and earn the admiral’s trust.

This show feels like I accidentally wandered into the funeral of a stranger. Everyone is crying, people are expressing heartfelt condolences, and there’s lots of hugging and crying. But... I don’t know any of these people. Sure, I can feel sorry for these people, but can’t feel sorry with these people. I’ve never had the chance to get to know any of them in any meaningful way.

Continuing the analogy, someone tells me that the deceased was a beloved husband, father of four, yadda yadda, which helps me understand what’s happening at a cognitive level but not at an emotional one. Who is this guy that died again? Did I know him? Maybe someone I once knew in high school, or...?

That’s the feeling of Star Trek Discovery. There’s a scene in this episode that illustrates the idea. Nan (?), the security chief (?), decides she’s gonna leave Discovery. On cue, Burnham cries and then Nan cries and everyone cries (and hugs) and talks about friendship and feelings but like... have we met this lady? She came aboard with Pike, right? What has she done since? I vaguely remember Nan saying “yum yum” in response to Georgiou saying something about “joining her in making Leland scream” in the middle of kicking things. See, I remember that because it was emotional. Sure, that emotion was overwhelmingly “cringe,” but it was still an emotion and I remember it. Nan says super cringey, sexualized things at inappropriate times. Got it.

But here (in this episode, as an example), some character is leaving the ship and I’m just watching the funeral of Star Trek that I accidentally wandered into. Yes, I understand that maybe Burnham and Nan got drunk together a few times, played pranks on Saru or whatever, and shared a few laughs together, but we never get to see any of that shit. So... Who is this lady again? Why should I care?

Anyways, they just leave Nan on the ship that’s running on auxiliary power right next to an ion storm. Yup, just left her aboard, alone with a fatally wounded psychopath who wants to kill himself. Nan and Burnham emerge from their unearned emotional embrace, Burnham’s like “one to beam up,” then Nan walks over to the window and by the time she gets there, Discovery is already spore jumping away.

Jeez, I hope they transported over some emergency rations or supplies or something. No one aboard questioned why Burnham was returning to Discovery alone?

Anyways! Georgiou only kicks one thing in this episode and it wasn’t even sentient, so that was a nice change—

Wait a minute... In the scene when Discovery wanders into future!Starfleet HQ and there’s ships all over the place, the Discovery bridge crew is, well, having an Unearned Emotional Moment™ about some of the ships. Then someone—Tilly I think—notices the USS Voyager... but with registration number suffix of “J,” the eleventh generation of the ship.

How does the Discovery crew know what Voyager is?

They’re from before Voyager’s time, right? And the Sphere data they’ve collected is also from before Voyager’s time... so while the crew might know what Trill are from the Sphere, the Sphere could not have collected data on Voyager, right? And they jumped way into the future, well after Voyager’s time. Did I miss something again?

Look, these are all small things, but the occurrence is so prolific that it’s extravagantly clear the writers have no knowledge of canon or use for internal consistency. Which, honestly is fine... if you create something better than the original. But if you vomit garbage, that second nail in the coffin (internal inconsistency) just hurts a little more than the first (poor writing).

My enjoyment: 1/5

Did all the lower-ranked crewmembers aboard Discovery also travel to the future? Jeez Burnham, literally everyone on the ship must really love you.

[cramenjoyer]

@gaysuperhell tagged me!! adding a read more cuz its Long

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child...) - 

younger middle, but we don't live with the youngest so... youngest child (derogatory)

How long have you been stanning for - 

been stanning for at least a year n a half... idk beyond that. i was in weird main fandom and destiel circles for a while there

Favorite Sam era - 

evil sexy summer with ruby between s3-4, and then s4 is close behind it because he calmed down a little and i think he deserved to remain feral actually!!

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair - 

either all of s2 or the very beginning of s14 with the beard

Favorite Sam-centric episode - 

i know what you did last summer..... hrnng.

Any ships you may like to mention - 

im not a shipper really but samjess is lovely

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -

jesus christ by brand new

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be -

carhartt jacket. ofc.

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, then WHY.... -

transgender lesbian?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment -

killing paris hilton, the demons in the famine episode ("wait your turn!"), and killing alastair. all are sooooo epic of him.

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane -

jewish convert sam or adhd sam they both make me foam at the mouth.

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -

[TW DRUGS]

hbo sam buys anti-psychotics off the street and takes two pills when he can afford it with money stolen off men at bars and out of donation boxes. he just wants to be able to sleep for once, and to keep the horrible paranoia away for one night. he wears an oversized jean jacket jess bought him; he'd left it at the party on halloween, and his friend gave it back to him the day after the fire with his condolences. it still smells faintly of jess and it never stops smelling like her- he doesn't think about why that is. hbo sam's eyes are a little too golden to be entirely natural, especially in the light, and he can see in the dark better than anyone should be able to. lights flicker around him when he's angry, and they sizzle and pop when he's excited. the air trembles when he stims. he always looks exhausted, but there's a power inside him that takes people by surprise when he speaks.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like -

ancient studies and religion major! she and brady were friends cuz they were in american history together and he cheated off her once sophomore year and she thought it was rude and she somehow managed to convince him to do study sessions with her. then post-thanksgiving brady introduced her to sam. she and sam were in the same comparitive religion class the next semester and they got coffee together and it went from there. she had a sleeve tattoo that she added more flowers to regularly, whenever she had the cash, and she'd fill in the black outlines with colored sharpies to match her outfit when she went to parties cuz she thought it was fun. she really liked late 1800s literature but especially little women and frankenstein. she was obsessed with greek mythology as a kid and had her gay awakening watching xena: warrior princess with her little brother (he does not know this). she wants to study religion and ancient studies because she's lowkey highkey obsessed with humanity as a concept and she loves the idea of people thousands of years ago thinking the same things and feeling the same way we do now. whenever she thinks about the handprints in caves all across the world she bursts into tears. she's a compulsive fingernail biter so she always paints her nails funky colors to stop from doing it, which doesn't ever work but she's trying. it took her years to grow out her hair this long, since her family always insisted she keep it short as a kid when she played soccer, and she loves it now that she can actually do things with it! she loves braiding sam's hair for him.her favorite flowers are daisies and her favorite color is light blue and she's the one who cut sam's college girl bangs in a dorm bathroom. she's jewish and she invites sam to her house for holidays because her family only lives an hour outside palo alto, and he's mesmerized by all of it; her favorite holiday's purim and it becomes his favorite holiday, too. her family isn't homophobic but they're the kind of democrats who keep quiet about things, and she knows they'd still love her if she came out as a lesbian, but she doesn't know if she'd be able to handle them looking at her strange. so she and sam keep it to themselves that he only uses he/him because he's used to it, and that he's as much a guy as she is.Biggest injustice Supernatural commited against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - religious arc and spn being christian in general. i can't imagine sam being christian i just cannot do it even though it's fun to play with. sam IS an excatholic jewish convert and no one can tell me otherwise unless they have muslim hc's because @toxicsamruby got me hooked this morning.And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile ♥ - his dimples!! his BIIIIG smile with the dimples when he's so genuinely happy and carefree like in the scene with bobby where he's leaning against the impala w a beer. no i don't remember anything else about the scene i was entranced! he looked like this :D

i’m tagging @sammysstupidshirts @boykingofhells @samuelswinchester @quakersamwinchester @toxicsamruby and @samaelwinchester !!!

[cinnamonzor]

BrattyShipping Headcanons Pt. 6

Previous Posts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

New Home

- The property the two ultimately decide on is along the route to Ballonlea Stadium. The location makes it easy for challengers and spectators to notice on their way through and, though the town is smaller anyway, it also ensures an easy trek for Bede.

- Bede attempts to ensure that the location isn’t too far from Opal’s house. They try to be more subtle in their motivations, though Victor catches on fairly quickly and assures them that it’s high on the priority list.

- Remodeling the first floor into restaurant space takes around six months. Since the construction process is primarily concentrated on the restaurant space for a while, Victor is left in charge of working with the crew for that time.

- Victor starts regularly staying up with extra logistical work after the crew leaves. Eventually, Nurse Joy finds him conked out in front of the Pokemon Center at one in the morning, having fallen asleep on his way back home for the night. His partner gives him a very stern lecture about his self-neglectful tendencies and insists he sleep at Opal’s house when he’s too exhausted to reasonably make it to Postwick or set up camp somewhere.

- Several times over the course of the next week, Bede wakes to find Victor passed out either on the couch or next to them in bed, with complete certainty that he wasn’t there when they fell asleep. Opal admits she got curious herself and waited him out one night, and Bede nearly has an aneurysm when she reveals he ended up groggily arriving at quarter to two. Victor gets an even sterner lecture than last time as soon as he wakes up.

- From then on, Bede makes a habit of heading to the site as soon as they close the gym. As expected, Victor is concerned about them going out of their way to help with the extra work on top of their own job. And, as expected, their stubbornness ultimately wins out in the end.

- Victor quickly learns that attempting to stay up unreasonable amounts of time is futile, as Bede can and will physically drag him away if he tries to work past eleven p.m.

- Victor is organized in the sense that he perfectly understands his system but is the only one who can. Bede quickly learns the most efficient way to go about it is to simply ask him to find or point out what they need instead of spending half an hour trying to find it themselves.

- They make a point to take at least one day off a week during the process, usually spending it with their respective families, doing their own things around Galar, or hanging out with Gloria, Hop, and Marnie.

- Most of the work on the second floor living space is saved for the League’s off-season so Bede has more time to get involved. Not much is changed from the standard Ballonlea interior design, aside from moving the living room stuff upstairs and a couple personal touches.

- Victor insists they keep the Vengeance Board in their room, adding his own mementos of Bede to it that he’s kept over the years.

- The living space only takes half the time of the first floor to prepare, since converting the first floor into a restaurant was more complicated. Both are around twenty when the process is completed and they’re finally ready to move in.

- Bede helps with the restaurant’s employee-hiring process at their own insistence. Victor’s ends up with a case of déjà vu from how similar their methodology is to Opal’s when he challenged her gym puzzle.

- They invited their friends and families to the unofficial pre-opening the day before the restaurant is open to the public. Gloria ensures Raihan is among those who show up, knowing he’ll have the most success spreading the word through his social media.

- When everyone leaves for the night, Bede takes care of both of their Pokemon and orders a pizza for their own dinner so Victor can take a much-needed break after catering for everyone at once.

Domesticity

- Victor sets up a small TV in the restaurant set to the League channel. His attention will occasionally wander to it whenever one of Bede or Marnie’s matches plays.

- The Ballonlea Stadium and restaurant are usually closed on the same days. Victor and Bede’s relationship still isn’t public, so the common theory is that the restaurant follows the schedule since it uses the stadium to draw in customers. A couple of the employees manage to connect the dots though.

- Neither of them are full-blown morning people. The closest to being one is Bede, but only because they can will themselves out of bed faster. Victor usually has an easier time getting up once Bede is up and about.

- On the occasion Victor still can’t bring himself to get up, Bede enlists the help of his Boltund to lick his face till he’s awake.

- Victor usually makes breakfast while Bede is in charge of coffee. Strangely enough, Victor’s Inteleon has taken to drinking it too.

- Bede is the resident blanket-hog, since they need warmth to sleep. Victor manages to avoid being affected by it by being the self-proclaimed “resident Bede-hog” and clinging to them like a Komala more often than not.

- Victor’s clinging habits have earned him the role of big spoon more often than not. Bede refuses to openly acknowledge this and Victor only brings it up in private to playfully tease them.

- Gloria got them a queen-sized weighted blanket as a housewarming gift, since Victor’s old one wouldn’t accommodate them both.

- On the occasion Hop is working in the Ballonlea area, he’s invited to crash on their couch.

- When Gloria learns about this arrangement, she extends the offer to herself and just shows up one night. She claims it’s mostly to mess with Bede, but it’s also partially because she misses living with her brother.

- Due to Victor’s nature as a mediator, the two don’t have full-blown fights often, and when they do, they usually don’t last longer than two or three days. Gloria’s short-lived “invasion,” as she and Bede refer to it, was the cause of one of the longer ones, as Bede were fairly upset that Victor was just letting her barge in basically unannounced, while Victor was upset by Bede’s behavior towards his sister. When Gloria finds out, she ends up feeling guilty about it. In a rare move for her, she sincerely apologizes to the two and admits her true motivation behind showing up.

- Bede is the most ticklish of the two. If you don’t think Victor takes advantage of this at least a couple times, you’re horribly mistaken.

- Hop offers to watch the restaurant for a day or two so they can have time off for their anniversary. They spend it camping in the Slumbering Weald after a quick visit to Victor’s old home in Postwick.

- Victor starts growing plants that he finds interesting or ingredient-worthy around the house. A number of leaves and vines can be seen spilling out the second-floor windows from outside.

- Bede doesn’t collect anything, but they can regularly be seen caring for the local wild Pokemon that tend to hang out near the restaurant. They’ve managed to learn all of them in the time they’ve lived in town.

- Bede usually takes the longest to get ready, as they’re generally fussier about their appearance. Victor mostly just tidies up and throws on comfy clothes.

- After one of them has a rough day, a favorite de-stressor activity of theirs is cuddling on the couch and watching the soft colors of Ballonlea’s bioluminescent mushrooms through the window.

- Victor suggests dancing around the living room or the closed restaurant in the mushroom light a few nights. Bede doesn’t get it at first, but once they try it they end up enjoying it a lot (they still call Victor a mushy sap, of course, but Victor knows they mean it in a good way).

- Victor has an entire album on his Rotom Phone dedicated to pictures he’s taken of or with Bede. A number are candid shots of them in instances where Victor decided they looked particularly adorable (like the time he found them caring for an injured Phantump) or hot (like the time the wind from a Dynamax attack hit them just right and made their now longer hair look so freaking majestic). Others are more... “private” ones Bede has sent him themselves.

- Bede has grown accustomed to Victor’s holiday enthusiasm by now. And now that they live together, they have essentially no escape from joining his festive spirit. They end up coming to the Stadium wearing a mistletoe earring a couple times in December, though the Gym Trainers know better than to pry.

Coping

(WARNING: This part delves a tad further into Bede’s abandonment issues and general grieving process. If you aren’t a huge fan of this stuff or it hits a bit too close to home, I’d advise moving past. If you ARE a fan of this stuff, good for you. Hope you enjoy.)

- When Opal eventually passes away, Bede is completely devastated. They end up not leaving the house for a solid week, only trusting Victor to see them in such a vulnerable state.

- Bede’s abandonment issues begin to act up during their grieving process. They become unexpectedly clingy for a while, terrified of losing Victor too since he’s the only person other than Opal they allowed themselves to get as attached to.

- Their friends and the other gym leaders each offer their condolences and to help out however they can. It’s mostly up to Victor to accept their help since Bede tries to insist they’re fine without it.

- When Victor can’t be around to help, Bede’s primary means of comfort is Hatterene, since they have the strongest bond with her, she can keep an eye on their emotional state, and her body is made of hair, giving them something soft to hug when they need to.

- It’s primarily through the help of Victor and their Pokemon that Bede starts healing from her loss. Victor even steps up to keep the media off their back until they’re finally ready for comment.

- The two end up taking in Opal’s Pokemon in addition to their own. Bede also dedicates one of the front-row seats at the Stadium to her.

- It’s thanks to the event that Victor finally convinces Bede to see a therapist instead of relying on one or two people for their entire support system. After the first few sessions, Bede reluctantly agrees that it’s helping them more than they expected.

[therandomfics]

Three Days: 2

The sound of the shower starting drew you from your slumber and dropped you back into the bitter reality of what was happening. For a moment you were disoriented - had it really happened that way? But within a few moments, you’d rolled over and checked your phone to see the myriad of missed calls and text messages with condolences and prayer promises. 

Sonny poked his head out of the bathroom and offered you a half smile. “Good morning, beautiful. Come join me?” 

You nodded meekly and padded over to him, embracing his half clothed form. Pressing your face against his bare chest, you sighed heavily and squeezed him close to you. “We have a lot to get done today. Aunt Judy doesn’t want us wasting any time.” 

He kissed the top of your head and pulled you into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. “Let’s take it one step at a time.” 

The halls of Mass Gen were quiet, surprisingly, for such a depressing ward. Your father’s room was midway down the hall, and the door was wide open as you approached. Your eyes fell upon your father as you saw his fragile existence, barely holding on to what was left of his life. 

“Oh Dad,” you said with a shaky sigh, closing the gap between you and placing your hand on his. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were sick.” 

“He didn’t, either,” your brother promised you, hovering in the doorway. 

Sonny stood a few feet away from you, hands in his pockets awkwardly. Surely he was out of place. He dealt with murder and assault all the time, but seeing his father in law on his death bed was a new type of trauma for the seasoned detective turned lawyer. 

“What’s happened to him?” you asked, barely looking up as a nurse entered the room and checked vitals, jotting notes on the tablet that was your father’s chart. 

She sighed. “Your father’s been diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer.” 

“What kind?” you inquired, brushing your finger over the back of your father’s hand.

“Lung,” she explained, gesturing to the oxygen that your father was currently depending on to survive. “He came in yesterday complaining about breathing concerns and once the doctor took a closer look, we could only confirm the worst. I’m so sorry for your trouble.” The nurse nodded with a frown and left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts at your father’s bedside. 

“I wish I would have known, I could have moved back here and taken care of you, Dad. I would have done anything. Maybe there’s still a chance, though? They’re not always right, and you’re a fighter. Maybe it’s just a misdiagnosis?” you wondered aloud, tears welling in your eyes. 

As you dabbed at your eyes with the back of your hand, you felt the air in the room change. Suddenly, there was noise that filled the room, rushing of nurses and doctors screaming for you and your family to leave the room, physically pushing you out of the way. You collided with your brother and tumbled out of the way, finding yourself in the hall with Sonny finally emerging from the room. 

Several long minutes passed as you heard the calls for “clear” and “more oxygen” from the hallway. You slumped down against the wall and sat on the floor, pulling your knees close to your chest, trying to disappear from the hospital and back to a place that wasn’t full of misery. 

“Y/N,” you heard Sonny saying, realizing the silence was back and the overbearing noise of resuscitation was gone. 

You shook your head and pushed yourself up to your feet, refusing to hear whatever awful news that Sonny was about to give you. Your brother reached out to grab your arm but you shrugged him away, marching straight into your father’s hospital room. 

It was too late. 

“I know that we have a lot to do today, but I want to make sure that you eat. Your brother was telling me about a place a few blocks down that opened up recently. Let’s go there, then we can meet up with everyone else,” Sonny was saying, washing his hair with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. 

“That’s a good idea.” You washed off the remainder of the soap on your body and then kissed his jaw. “You’re the best thing in the world to ever happen to me.” 

“Mutual,” he said with a small shrug, stepping back as you pulled the curtain to get out of the shower. 

Over a breakfast of blueberry pancakes and coffee, you mapped the day out with Sonny. After breakfast, you’d head back to your father’s home, where everyone would be waiting. His last wishes were to be buried at his family plot, with a simple service that highlighted his life’s accomplishments and how proud he was of his children and grandchildren. After coordinating and contacting the funeral home, you’d have to order flowers, plan the meal situation for the service, and make sure that you met with your father’s lawyer to confirm any final details regarding his burial. 

It was a lot, you had to admit, but knowing that Sonny was there made things seem so much more simple. 

As you sat at a window table with your husband, you couldn’t help but thank God that you’d been given the best gift in the world. In between bites he caught you staring and reached out to grasp your hand in his. “It’s gonna be alright. I’m here. We’re gonna get through this together.” 

When you walked back into your father’s house, you were immediately greeted by two rambunctious and excited little boys - your nephews. They embraced you and spoke over one another trying to get the most of your attention as possible, that is until they saw Sonny. They ran to him and jumped into his arms, hugging him and starting the process all over. Your sister in law came around the corner and folded her arms, crossly observing her children’s behavior. 

“Let them be happy. Someone needs to be,” you said, lips pulling into a frown. 

“Well, they’re my kids, so I think I get the final say in how they’re raised,” she retorted and yelled at her children to get down and go back to the living room. “They need to learn their place. They’ve been getting on my nerves all day and there isn’t a single thing for them to do in this house.” 

“Yeah. Kinda like my Dad didn’t have any young children living here, so he decorated how he saw fit.” You shrugged and brushed past her, heading into the living room where the rest of your family was stationed. 

“Sonny and I will handle food and flowers,” you announced and stood in the doorway to the living room. Sonny came to stand beside you and smiled at your family, the family that he’d only met once at the wedding. “I really appreciate you all coming together for this. Aunt Judy, I know that due to your health concerns you’d like this as orderly and speedy as possible. I respect that. So I’d like to finalize plans today. Dad will be prepared for burial by tomorrow, so I’d like to make sure that we respect each other’s time and do this together, efficiently.” 

“We’ll get with the funeral home,” your brother offered, glancing at his wife who merely shrugged. “Dad already had everything paid for and picked out, so we just need to confirm that they’ll be able to accommodate us.” 

“Great. You guys are more than welcome to stay here and visit with one another. We’re going to go ahead and get started on everything.” You felt Sonny place his hand on the small of your back and guide you closer to him, where you naturally fit under his shoulder. 

“Thank you guys for being here. I know it means a lot to Y/N and myself. I left my cell number on the fridge if you guys need anything while we’re out,” he concluded, and gently but confidently guided you from the living room and back towards the entrance to the house. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked, cupping your chin in his hand to bring your gaze back to his eyes. 

You nodded and met his eyes. “I’ve gotta get it done.” 

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours for a long moment. “At anytime you need a break, you tell me. You don’t have to do it all.” 

“I know, thank you. Let’s get as much done as possible. I love my Dad but I’m tired of being in Boston already,” you complained and pulled away from him to leave the house. 

Flowers ordered. Check. Food to feed up to 50 people. Check. Meeting with your father’s lawyer to ensure that his final wishes were being met. Check. 

The only thing left was to get with your brother to see if he had secured a time for the services. 

On the drive back from the North Shore, you stared out the window and fought the urge to break down. Why was there never enough time to grieve? Why was it so sudden? Could you really ever honestly be prepared, even if you knew someone was going to die at a certain time? What would happen when Sonny died? What if you died first, would Sonny be okay? You wanted Sonny to die first so that he wouldn’t have to go through the suffering of losing you and living alone. Try as you might, you found yourself sniffling on the ride back home. 

“Where’d your mind take you?” Sonny asked as he turned onto the street lined with brownstones that your father had called home for so many years. 

“I don’t you to die, but I’d rather you go first so that you don’t have to live without me,” you explained and wiped the tears from your face. 

“If you go first, I’ll never get remarried,” he promised, parking the car and killing the engine. “Come inside with me. I’ll make you some tea, and we can watch Tom and Jerry. Your brother told me that you and your Dad watched it a lot together when you were little. Let’s relive some good memories, huh?” 

“Dad also used to make me grilled cheese sandwiches....” you trailed off and looked at him with a mischievous smile. 

“Alright,” he replied and opened the car door. “But only if you’re good.” 

[allie1804-fan]

Ile de Re (Chapter 6)

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Claire woke first the next morning. They’d stopped spooning at some point during the night and Keanu was lying on his back with one arm up on the pillow near his face. He looked angelic and so much younger than his 55 years. 

Claire thought back to the night before and the powerful physical sensations and feelings he’d stirred in her.  

She was confused by her decision now to ask him to make love to her. It was what she needed and desired at the time, but she hadn’t listened to his warning about the consequences and now, despite the pleasure and comfort it had brought her, she regretted it. A door had been opened that couldn’t be closed and she wasn’t sure walking through it was going to bring her happiness. She was afraid she was falling in love with a man 20 years her senior who, it seemed, thought it was too late to have children – something she had always thought would be in her future.  She needed to decide quickly what to say to him when he woke up. Would it be awkward?  – normally with a lover you knew if you were going to wake up and snuggle then make love again or wake up and walk away. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t do the latter as it was her home and he was her guest.  Maybe they could just go back to being friends - “yeah right, who am I kidding after what he did for me last night?!”

She knew honesty was the best policy but she wasn’t ready to have a deep conversation just yet – especially one that she feared might mean he would leave because he thought it couldn’t work between them. She wasn’t a game player or manipulator, but she wasn’t past using avoidance as a tactic.

She lay next to him then, just staring at and admiring the perfect bone structure of his face and his  strong, muscular arms. He seemed to sense her watching him and opened his eyes.

“Bonjour” she greeted him

“Bonjour to you too” he said softly smiling.

“I hope you slept well, listen I’m going to go fetch the bread for breakfast. Can you start a pot of coffee?  - and then, if it’s OK with you, after we’ve eaten, I’d like to do something fun for a change. Maybe we can go and hire you a bike and I can show you some more of the island? You should experience the cycling here before you leave.”

 “OK, sure - I’d like that very much”

He desperately wanted to know how she felt about last night but thought that maybe comfort was all she had wanted after all and just for one night. Maybe she hadn’t felt the same connection and was able to just walk away – if so, he’d have to too. He’d slept restlessly because of his thoughts about it. He held his curiosity in check and rose with her to dress and get breakfast ready.

They feasted on coffee, croissants and pain au levant (sour dough) with butter and jam. Keanu joked that he’d need to back to the gym after this trip as she could feel his stomach thickening was a result of all the delicious food.

“Well the bike ride will help you burn off some calories I guess” she said

After their plates were empty, they tidied away and prepared a few things to take with them on the bike ride – a bottle of water, a first aid kit and some biscuits plus a rug in case they wanted to stop and rest somewhere. Then they made their way down to the village and the bike rental place to find  a suitable bike. She walked along with her own bike so they could ride on together on their trip straight away.

They headed south first to Ars en Re across the vine fields - its church spire (tall and white and topped with a black cone) acting as a guide to them of how far they had left to go. 

They stopped there and mooched around the shops including an artists’ studio on the harbour. Keanu recognised the artist’s work from postcards he’d seen in the local shops and decided to go in and look at purchasing a full-size piece. They really captured the essence of the island and he thought he’d like a memory of it on his wall at home. He found one with sailing boats and the harbour and church in the background and bought it - Claire helped with arranging extra payment for carriage home rather than risk damaging it on the flight.

Afterwards, they carried on across the salt marshes where they stopped to buy some local salt ‘en directe’ that Claire said she’d take home for cooking. The cycle paths were empty with it being early in the season and they could ride side by side and talk. They each purposefully kept the conversation light – the film, the restaurant , the new John Wick film that Keanu would start filming soon and so on - no mention was made of the night before.

It was 1pm when they reached the next village (La Couarde sue Mer) and they chose a little restaurant in the village centre that Claire knew to have lunch. 

Keanu had gone in to use the bathroom passing a man in chef’s whites as he went who turned out to be the owner. On seeing Claire arrive he had immediately come out – he kissed her on both cheeks and offered his condolences about her father. Keanu thought he recognised him from the wake – he hoped he was gone by the time he got back - he didn’t want any particular attention.  Happily, that was the case and they enjoyed a bowl of mussels and chips each only getting a couple of curious glances from waiters and fellow patrons – the look Keanu recognised as ‘don’t I know you from somewhere?’!

 Claire encouraged him to take the Eclade de moules which was the local speciality – a slightly creamy sauce over the mussels flavoured mildly with curry. Claire took the traditional moules marinieres and said they could swap if he didn’t like the “eclade” – once he’d tucked in, he wasn’t going to relinquish the bowl however – it was surprisingly tasty!

After lunch, they went down to the beach for a while and sat on the rocks watching the waves. Claire pointed out the tourist beaches along the coast down to Le Bois Plage and St Marie and the wilder coast up towards her home village. They could also see the other larger island of Oleron across the way and she shared some of the local history.

“We could take a boat trip if you like one day – there’s some really interesting history about Napoleon on Ile d’Aix with a little museum to explore.

“No way!” Keanu chuckled “that would be most excellent”

“are you being sarcastic?” Claire asked, a quizzical look on her face.

“We really need to watch a couple of my movies you know!” he said emphatically – “I’ll have you know, that was not sarcasm but a reference to a film called “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” in which I travel though time and kidnap Napoleon to help me pass a history exam. It’s kind of famous!”

“Oh sounds weird!  - I’m so sorry I don’t know it”

“Well, I guess you would only have been about, errm, let’s do the math, 5 when it came out! He laughed and shook his head, “Man I am so old!”

“Well you don’t seem it to me!” she said meeting his eyes and blushing as did he.                    

“Hey why don’t we try get Netflix or whatever set up later and I can show you it  - then maybe we could take that boat trip next time it’s running and see all that Napoleonic history?” They had had such a nice time so far that day that he’d started to forget about the night before and he wanted to keep things light and away from any compliments between them which might take them back into that territory.

They agreed to return home next, stopping for provisions for dinner. Later they booked tickets for the boat trip when it would next be running in a couple of days and organised their film night for the evening.

They chose Bill and Ted and Point Break to watch that night, both of which Claire loved especially the Napoleon moments in B&TEA and the foot chase in Point Break.

Over the next few days they had a total break from death related jobs and from the location scouting with Claire playing tourist guide. They did more cycle rides through forests and to beaches. Claire joked that Keanu should demonstrate his surfing skills but he said it had been way too long since he’d done it – he’d get wiped in the spring tides!

The boat trip was a wonderful excursion and took them from the island’s capital St Martin then around the coastline and under the island’s spectacular bridge before heading out past Ile d’Oleron and the famous Fort Boyard (where the real life Papillon of film fame was imprisoned) Finally it went on to Ile d’Aix where Napoleon stayed in exile before going to St Helena. Keanu loved history and relished seeing the house where he had stayed and the artefacts. Before catching the boat home they also had chance to grab a sandwich and walk around some of the island which was tiny at only 7km around.

 By the time they got home they were exhausted and had a simple supper of bread and cheese before slumping down to watch another movie. Claire was loving watching his old films that she’d missed growing up. Yesterday had been Speed and The Matrix – quite an overwhelming action combo. Tonight they thought one would be all they could manage but they struggled to decide.  Keanu had made a list of the titles that he thought were the key ones she should see and numbered them off - Claire picked a number  -  it was “The Lake House.”

They settled next to each other on the sofa.  At the porch scene, Claire needed a tissue and by the end, tears were streaming down her face.  

“That was truly beautiful” she sniffed as the theme song struck up again.

“Thanks, I like it” Keanu said humbly. Their eyes locked as McCartney sang ‘this never happened before’ and ‘this is the way it should be for lovers’ over and over. Claire looked down and took a breath.

“It never happened to me before either” she whispered looking up again, her eyes pleading with him to understand her meaning.

“You’re talking about what we did the other night?” he stated

“Yes she said, well not just that but yes, it was ………. beyond wonderful. I know I asked only to be comforted, and I needed the physical release  - and you gave me that  ……… but then I got something else I wasn’t expecting. The, errrm

“Connection?” he interjected.

“Yes!” she agreed emphatically.

“A connection like that, well it was something I’ve only felt once before ………… and, well, it took my breath away”, she looked at him searching to see his thoughts reflected in his expression.

He took her hand in his and whispered

“I felt it too.”

Her shoulders visibly relaxed as the knowledge that the feelings were shared.

“So, what are we going to do about it?” she asked?

“Honestly, I don’t know. That night, I could hardly sleep for thinking about it. I wondered how you felt – then after you just never mentioned it these past few days, I decided that maybe one night of physical closeness was all you wanted. I need you to know that I didn’t come here planning to take advantage of you, I just wanted to help but now I feel so much for you after such a short time”

He paused and she could read the doubt in his eyes

“But?”

“But” he paused again trying to find the right words “even though my feelings are so strong, I don’t know if we’re right for each other, I mean because I may not be able to give you what you want from life, because maybe I’m too old for you”

“You’re only as old as you feel right?” she countered

“Yes, but shit man it’s 20 years! And there’s mortality to consider, and ……” there was a (quite literally) pregnant pause.

“babies” she said, naming the elephant in the room.

“and yes, there’s babies – if you want them. I’m not sure I do, not now. I’m set in my ways. I’m often away filming for months on end. I will be again soon, in New York, for several months. It can be quite a gypsy existence.  And who knows if my sperm are still capable!’ he chuckled.

She leaned in and kissed him gently, cupping his cheek with her left hand

“So what happened to seizing the day, to living in the moment because we’re all gonna die anyway?  - that’s what you said on the plane when we talked about grief.”

He repeated her gesture, softly kissing her. Closed lipped and cupping her face in his hand.

“Claire I just don’t wanna hurt you and I’m scared I might. If it weren’t for the age difference, I’d rush to start a relationship with you but” he paused again. “There’s a character I played in a movie. I think you’d like it. It’s romantic and there are vineyards in it! Anyway my character, Paul, he’s married, but to a wife who he married in a hurry in the war and it turns out when he returns that they’re completely incompatible. He meets and falls in love with another woman who falls for him too but after kissing her and very nearly making love, he pulls away and says <<I want you more than anything Victoria, you can't imagine how I want you. But I'm not free and I won't hurt you that way, I won’t >>” 

He recited it sincerely, word for word from the movie, reliving the moment as Paul Sutton. So I feel a bit like him. I’m not married, well not to a woman at least, but maybe a little bit, no a lot, to acting and to my freedom to pursue it. I want to do the right thing by you and I’m not sure getting into a relationship is it.”

Her eyes filled with tears and he implored her to understand, a pained expression in his eyes.

“I have commitments too you know, things I’d have to compromise on to make time for you. That’s what relationships are about right? Love on the one hand and compromise on the other?”

“Ah ha” he replied yet still sounding doubtful

Claire sighed, her eyes sad and still teary “well, I’m going to bed.  I’m glad we talked but I’m tired now. I’ll see you in the morning”

Keanu didn’t answer, staring glumly at his hands which lay in his lap and she got up and went upstairs to bed.

“Fuck” he whispered as he sat alone and disconsolate.

He went to bed too where he slept restlessly, thinking each time he stirred that he could just go to her and say yes to trying to make it work, but the more he thought about that option, the more the fear of failure and heartache if it didn’t work grew in his mind. By 6am, he was convinced that fleeing the scene was the only option. 

He had two more restaurants to visit within a 100 miles of La Rochelle and decided to go to them on the motorbike he’d hired and take some time to think. He wrote Claire a note explaining that he thought a breather would be good right now and he’d be back in a couple of days. Slinging a few clean clothes and his toiletries in a backpack, he hit the open road.

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[louigender]

When I Was Older- Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes x Holmes! Reader (eventually) Avengers x Sherlock

Summary: John Watson is one of Reader’s friends. Her other is a cat whom she found in the alley between two flats. Reader is a Holmes and a high functioning sociopath. The Avengers need the readers help as Moriarty has teamed up with Hydra. Takes place between season 3 and 4 (my favorite season) of Sherlock. Infinity War and Endgame never happened.

Series Warnings: blood, violence, angst, fluff, is Moriarty a warning?, death

A/N: Happy Memorial Day, mis amigos! Here’s chapter one of When I Was Older. This series was inspired by the song by Billie Eilish (love her) and I just rlly love Sherlock. Your feedback of the prologue warmed mi pequeño corazón! Without further ado, here’s the first chapter.

(A/N: i also changed the moodboard)

The quinjet rocked slightly as it flew through the air. Bucky sat, along with the other Avengers, strapped and in his uniform. Clint sat in the pilot seat, navigating. Steve and Tony were talking in hushed whispers, discussing the mission at hand.

They had gotten word of a Hydra base off the shore of England, Sutherland to be exact, and had suited up almost immediately. It was 9pm when they boarded the jet. Now it was close to midnight. Bucky had been riddled with nightmares the past week and was eager to finally get a good’s night rest.

“ETA: five minutes,” barked Clint.

Tony and Steve strapped themselves in their own seats, as Clint flipped switches preparing to land. The quinjet successfully made its descent and the team stood. Steve clipped the shield on his back and walked out. Bucky checked the ammo of his guns before walking down the ramp.

Rolling green hills, light golden colored sand and the salty aroma of sea water, along with the twinkling stars, almost calmed him. Almost. He quickly remembered why they were here and turned the safety off his guns. The team walked in a group, taking in their surroundings and watching out for danger. As they walked through a forest of trees,signs exclaimed ‘danger!’ and some with skulls and crossbones on them.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, scan the area,” ordered Tony.

“There seems to be seven active mines. I am recalculating the route to avoid them,” spike the AI.

A map of the forest with dots,Tony assumed as mines, and a path highlighted.

“Alright follow me.”

The team followed after him a single file line. The hairs on the back of their necks stood on end. Suddenly an explosion rang out, causing them all to flinch. They quickly looked at each other, making sure the other was safe, when they realized they didn’t set off the mine. Someone else did. Tony, Rhodey and Sam took off and flew above the trees to see what had caused the explosion.

“Jesus,” muttered Rhodes as he saw what was in front of him.

The Hydra based was gone, blown to bits. Bodies littered the ground, blood and limbs scattered as well. The tress surrounding the base were burnt and had parts of them blown away. A mine didn’t do this.

“You guys are gonna wanna see this.”

The rest of them quickly made their way to the base and stopped in their tracks. The odor of smoke and burnt flesh hung in the air. They scrunched their noses and walked through the rubble. Bucky looked at the scene in front of him. The mess of dead bodies and concrete made his stomach churn. As he took in what he saw, something caught his eye. Turning to the side he saw the only remaining wall, even thought half of it had been blown away.

“Um guys,” he spoke through the com, “I found something.”

The team quickly found him and Wanda gasped at what she saw. They stood in shock and horror. A man was hanging off the side of the wall by a metal pole in his chest. Written in blood and pieces of flesh was a message.

‘Get Holmes

-M’

Bucky sure wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

***

“You have been busy, haven’t you,” remarked Mycroft, behind his newspaper, with a little laugh. “Quite the busy little bee.” He put his paper down.

“Moriarty’s network, it took me two years to dismantle it,” You replied back as a man stood behind you, cutting your hair.

“You’re confident that you have?”

There goes brother Mycroft, doubting you again.

“The Serbian side was the last piece of the puzzle.”

“Yes. You got yourself in deep there with Baron Maupertius. Quite a scheme,” Mycroft joked.

“Colossal,” You muttered.

“Anyway. You’re safe now. A small ‘thank you’ wouldn’t go amiss.”

“What for?” You mindlessly asked.

“For wading in. In case you’ve forgotten, field work is not my natural milieu.”

Your brows furrowed. You raised a hand to the barber to tell him to stop and sat forward in the chair with a grunt. The Serbian man had done a number on you. “Wading in? You sat there and watched me being beaten to a pulp,” You pointed out.

“I got you out,” defended Mycroft.

“No, I got me out.” You argued back. “Why didn’t you intervene sooner?”

“I couldn’t risk giving myself away, could I?” Mycroft said it like it was the most reasonable thing in the world. “It would’ve ruined everything.”

“You were enjoying it,” You accused.

“Nonsense.”

“Definitely enjoying it.”

“Listen, do you have any idea what it was like,” began Mycroft, “(Y/N), going undercover? Smuggling my way into their ranks like that?”

You rolled your eyes.

“The noise, the people!”

You sat back in the chair with another grunt and allowed the barber to finish his work.

“I didn’t know you spoke Serbian,” You questioned.

“I didn’t. But the language has a Slavic root. Frequent Turkish and German loan- words. Took me a couple of hours,” shrugged Mycroft.

“Hmm, you’re slipping.”

An bitter smile crawled its way up Mycroft’s lips. “Middle age, sister mine. Comes to us all.”

The door opened and Anthea stepped through with your clothes in hand.

***

John stepped through 221B Baker Street with timid steps. He watched as dust hovered off the furniture and drifted through the air. You never liked it when people dusted. Memories of your adventures flooded his mind. He drew a breath in to compose himself. Mrs. Hudson came in and turned on the lights.

“I couldn’t face letting in out,” she said. Breaking John’s train of thought.

She walked over and drew the curtains, grimacing at the dirt. “She never liked me dusting.”

“No, I know,” he replied, thinking of the moment when you had a screaming match with Mrs. Hudson about her cleaning.

“Where’s Alyx?” John had also taking a liking to the cat. She reminded him of you.

“Oh, um, she ran away one night and never came back. I leave food out, but she never shows. So why now? What changed your mind?”

“Well, I’ve got some news,” John started.

“Oh god, is it serious,” asked Mrs. Hudson.

“What? No, no I’m not ill. I’ve, uh well, I’m...moving on.”

“You’re emigrating?”

“Nope. Uh, no, I’ve uh, I have met someone,” he explained.

“Oh! Ah, lovely,” gushed the elderly woman.

“Yeah. We’re getting married. Well, I’m going to ask, anyway.” The excitement was evident in his voice.

“So soon after (Y/N)?”

“Hm, well, yes.”

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. They turned around to see Tony Stark and Steve Rogers in the door way. Mrs. Hudson let out a surprised gasp and John’s eyebrows shot up.

“We hope we’re not intruding, but we, uh, need some help,” Steve shyly said.

“Is (Y/N) Holmes here by any chance?” Asked Tony.

The mention of your name mad them tense. Sadness creeped into their hearts.

“No, she’s not,” John told them.

“Do you know when she’ll be back?”

“She’s gone. As in, uh, dead,” croaked Mrs. Hudson.

This seemed to surprise the two super heroes. “Oh, we’re sorry. We didn’t know,” Steve apologized.

“We’ll be on our way. Sorry again,” Tony nodded his condolences and ushered him and Steve out the flat.

They stepped into the cab that had been waiting.

“So, what now?”

“I have no idea.”

***

“I need you to give this matter your full attention, (Y/N), is that quite clear?” Instructed your brother.

“What do you think of this shirt,” you asked you tucked the shirt in your dress pants.

“(Y/N)!”

“I will find your underground terror cell, Mycroft. Just put me back in London. I need to get to know the place again, breathe it in. Feel every quiver of its beating heart.”

“One of our men died getting this information,” Anthea explained. “All the chatter, all the traffic concurs, there’s going to be a terrorist strike on London, a big one.”

“And what about John Watson,” you asked as you shrugged on your suit jacket.

Mycroft and Anthea shared a look.

“John?”

“Hmm. Have you seen him?”

“Oh yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips,” Mycroft said sarcastically.

You gave him a look before shifting your gaze to the mirror, buttoning your jacket.

“I’ve kept a weather eye on him, of course.”

Anthea handed you a file. You opened it. A slew of pictures, along with a few papers were inside.

“We haven’t been in touch at all to prepare him,” explained Mycroft.

You noticed a recent photo of John. He looked the same except he had a mustache on his upper lip. It certainly did not suit him.

“Well, we’ll have to get rid of that,” You said.

“We?”

“He looks ancient. I can’t be seen wandering around with an old man.” You set the file on Mycroft’s desk.

You sighed deeply, putting on the last touches on your outfit. You ran your hands through your hair. You always like it when it fell just past your shoulders. It felt good to be in your familiar clothes after being on the run for the past two years. “I think I’ll surprise John. He’ll be delighted.”

“You think so,” Mycroft doubted with a amused smile on face.

“Hmm, pop off to Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake,” you quipped.

“Baker Street? He isn’t there anymore.”

You turned to him, having an incredulous look on your face.

“Why would he be? It’s been two years. He’s got on with his life,” Mycroft explained.

“What life? I’ve been away,” You added.

Mycroft rolled his eyes.

“Where’s he going to be tonight.”

“How should I know?”

“You always know,” you said with confidence.

“He has a dinner reservation in the Marylebone Road. Nice little spot. They have a few bottles of the 2000 St. Emilion, though I prefer the 2001,” told Mycroft.

“I think maybe I’ll just drop by. “

“You know, it is just possible that you won he welcomed,” Mycroft tried to reason to you.

You scoffed. “No, it isn’t. Now, where is it?”

“Where’s what?”

“You know what.”

Anthea came in, your infamous coat in hand and collar popped. You smiled at the sight of your trusty coat. She helped putting it on and you stepped into your iconic black heels.

“Welcome back, Misses Holmes,” voiced Anthea.

“Thank you,” You fixed your newly cut hair and ran your hands down the coat.

You turned to Mycroft. “Blood.”

You walked out and for the first time in two years, you felt alive.

A/N: that’s it for the first chapter! It was actually longer than this but it was too long, so I broke it up into two chapters. I’ll be posting again later this week, so don’t worry.

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