#if you want to discuss anything i'm up for it

[theorphicangel]

tuning in for sukuna sunday :p would love to see possibly an argument with kuna that ends in him sleeping on the couch. can be angst fluff or anything rly 🙂‍↔️🫶

hiiiiiii!! thank you so much for submitting a sukuna sunday thought!! arghhh i loved writing this, i missed writing for grumpy kuna <3333

hope u enjoy!!

it's been back and forth since this morning.

sukuna doesn't know if you woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning or if his dream self must have pissed you off but you really have it out for him.

you nitpick at his clothes strewn across the apartment, the way he leaves his breakfast dish in the sink all day, how he always asks you where he's left his keys before he leaves for work which leads to a whole rummage. every. single. day.

you snap and your agitation (which is rare) makes him equally as angry causing the two of you to throw words at each other like knives. you both end up showing late to work which pisses you both off even more.

after a couple of hours sukuna makes the grave mistake of thinking that the argument was behind him. it was stupid. petty even. and it was way too early in the morning to even discuss or take seriously. hell, he can't even remember how it started in the first place.

it's stupid and by the time he returns home you'll have forgotten about it and go back to normal.

right?

wrong. now that mistake leaves sukuna staring at the living room ceiling feeling like a dickhead. upon reflection he realises that he should have taken your words much more seriously. the last words that you said to him before leaving for work this morning.

'oh. and you're sleeping on the couch tonight.'

'like hell i am, woman' he had replied with but by then you were already half way out of the door.

but you were smart enough to return home before him and lock yourself in the bedroom so he had no choice but to resort to the couch. he was tired. sweaty. and angry. the worst three combinations to experience.

he had waited until midnight thinking that you would at least come out for something. food. water. shout at him. but alas you never emerged. he watched the beige door and it's golden knob waiting for a twist or the sound of a lock but it never came.

sure he heard you shuffling around or coughing and occasionally laughing at something stupid on your phone. from this he concludes that you're still alive locked in with your favourite snacks and whatnot.

you're living the life of luxury in your king-sized bed and sukuna resorts to...

whatever the hell this is.

his calves hang over on the armrest, the blanket barely covers his chest, there's something digging in his back, the pillows aren't comfortable enough for his head and if he even shifts a limb he knows he's tipping off entirely.

and of course the last thing that sets him off is not being able to find the remote for the tv so he can't even distract himself with his favourite show and finding multiple popcorn kernels instead.

that gives sukuna enough rage to rise up and head to the bedroom door. he gives three loud knocks, uncaring if you've already drifting off to sleep.

'oi. i'm sick of this shit. whatever you want i'll do it.... just let me back in to sleep.'

no response.

sukuna pauses to see if he can make out your light snores but he hears nothing. so you're definitely awake.

he knocks again with a heavy fist. he's tired and he knows you are too. 'i know you're trying to be petty but i don't even remember what we were arguing about it was stupid.'

still no response.

maybe he's saying the wrong thing. if anything you're the type to want sukuna to do the impossible (which is to take responsibility for his actions) and with a sigh sukuna muses over his words and runs a hand over his forehead.

' okay, i do remember. i was stupid and i was wrong and bla bla bla okay? whatever you want i'll do. you win. you hearing me or what?'

he hears a slight shuffle behind the door.

so he is getting somewhere.

'i'll do anything, baby, just let me in and sleep with you.'

sukuna perks up at the sound of another shuffle. before too long he hears the sound of your voice. 'so you'll do anything?'

it takes sukuna a couple swallows before he replies. fuck, he knows he's basically making a deal with the devil. 'yes i'll do anything.'

anything to not have his back ache and his pillows propped up properly and the sheets covering him properly and of course...the comfort of being next to you.

there's a long pause as you ponder over his words and it takes all of Sukuna's patience to not to break the damn door down himself.

'so you'll buy me food?'

'brat i do that shit anyways.'

'oh okay, so what i'm hearing is that you don't want to come back in?'

'i'll do that.' he replies.

'and you'll clean the house by yourself for a month.'

sukuna groans.

'two months.' you add on and sukuna learns to shut up.

'whatever.'

and finally sukuna hears sweet victory. the sound of a door unlocking. as he expected you were standing there all fluffed up in your comfy clothes and blankets while he was shivering out in the cold ass living room.

he moves to enter but you block his path. sukuna holds in another groan before you change your mind about letting him in.

with beaming eyes and a sweet smile as if you hadn't terrorised his entire day today you ask for a favour.

'can i have a kiss first?'

'you and your greedy ass.' he mutters but he leans down and peppers your lips with a kiss anyways.

[lucydixon]

Erik x Partner who doesn't want kids

Masterlist 𐴱 Taglist 𐴱 Blog Navigation A/N: I actually hate kids, so when I got a request for this, I jumped right on it! Don't get me wrong, I have a niece and nephew, both under 5, and they're alright. I love them and all, but I didn't meet them until like a couple of years ago and I'm more than happy being the fun aunt who spoils the shit out of them at Christmas.

Summary: Headcanons for Erik and a partner who doesn't want kids.

I can see Erik going either way when it comes to having kids. He’s big on family and loved growing up with siblings, but at the same time, the responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive makes him more nervous than he’d ever admit. If you didn’t want kids, he’d be on board. 

Not having to worry about money quite as much, Erik would be able to keep tattooing and piercing as long as he’d like. He’d get to do what he’s passionate about while keeping a laid-back schedule of projects he loves instead of taking anything that comes in through the door just for the scratch. 

Erik would love being the fun ‘cool’ uncle. Any children Bobby and Julia have would be spoiled rotten by the two of you. You’d take them out for ice cream and have them over for sleepovers whenever you want, then give them back after, and enjoy the peace and quiet together. 

When the two of you get the inevitable “So, when are you two gonna start popping out little ones?” from family and strangers alike, I could see Erik coming up with elaborate stories to either make them feel bad for asking or clutch their pearls. 

“You know, we practice all the time. In fact, we practiced just before you got here, right where you’re sitting, actually.” 

“We don’t need a sex trophy.” 

“We’ve discussed it, but the return policy seems a little too strict for us.” 

“We’re holding out for cloning.” 

As long as he's got you, he's happy.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Taglist:@thewinterhunter @dogey290

[thattimdrakeguy]

This Is Who JASON TODD is As a PERSON. What His LIMITS Are.

Gosh, how I adore you Jason Todd.

Maybe not as a person--he does some prettyyyy messed up stuff. But as a character, how fantastic you were.

All right, so we talked about Jason Todd's skills a lot. How much of a genius he is. Stuff like that.

But who is he as a person?

What are his limits?

Don't have to answer that. 'Cause I'm gonna show you.

Can't let this post go to waste, can I?

A man who's dedication to stopping crime is far more fierce than maybe any other character in the main DC Universe. He often seems like he's playing around, but he never actually is as we discussed before.

Damn I miss when Jason Todd was scary.

People draw and write him like he's a 90s anti-hero or something.

No, he's a horror character for bad guys.

That makes him so damn cool and appealing. He's scarier than even Batman. And that says a lot.

He's shown to kill them without much care, unless he's actively using them, or manipulating them and the what not. Up to this point we really haven't seen what his limits are. Heck, I skipped it, but him leading Batman and Nightwing right to Amazo might make it seem like he has nothing against killing good guys.

Not the case.

He does not kill heroes.

While nowadays they softened Jason up so much he's barely recognizable. Close to the immediate aftermath of Under the Hood, some writers outright wrote him to be a murderous villain that'd kill anybody

That's horse shit.

Jason Todd is the most anti-hero, anti-hero, to ever be an anti-hero.

He wouldn't say he plays nice.

But you don't exactly see him killing her to get out of his way do you? Is he tying her up in some boobytrap 'cause he's a sadistic psycho? No.

Pit madness is mad up by fans to excuse Jason's behavior in comics like Teen Titans where he tried to murder Robin/Tim Drake, and later on in Nightwing where he was murdering anyone to ruin Dick's reputation.

When in reality that was all just bad writing.

Seriously, guys, it's fiction. You don't have to make up excuses. These guys aren't Gods that write this stuff. They make mistakes like the rest of us. Gotta learn to accept what is once in a while. Easier on the blood pressure.

I mean, damn, he's genuinely quite helpful in fact. Showing off his intelligence to help Onyx

What you don't remember Onyx? I can't--You're serious--?I mean--

I don't remember her either. I don't really care.

Just don't mistake his kindness for weakening of his own moral code. He does not back down. He will not back down. He refuses to back down. His mission is the most important thing to him. He won't kill you if you didn't do anything wrong.

But do not think you can get in his way.

He's that sort of a man.

Damn, I miss how cunning Jason used to be. It's soo gooood.

The confidence on this man makes even a nasty man like himself feel oddly likable despite his horrible and violent actions.

Art-wise, I love how he goes back to shadow-y and scary looking once he reveals his darker nature. It's extremely good visual story-telling. Could be them representing the lighting only.

It really works for it's benefit though in ways they may not have realized.

Still great stuff regardless.

He is scary as hell. Menacing. Calculated. Cunning. Genius. Never to be underestimated. Knows how to play people right where he wants them.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but Jason Todd is one of the smartest members of the Bat-Family. He managed to out work BATMAN AND NIGHTWING for crying out loud. You don't just do that. And Batman acknowledges that it isn't luck either.

Intelligence comes in many forms. When it comes to manipulation and tactics though? It's Jason's ballgame. He's the one in control.

Still doesn't mean he'll kill anyone only for the sake of it. He actively helps clean the wound he causes. It's a very insightful character moments that let's you get inside the head and moral code of Jason Todd.

Shows you he's not another villain like that.

He's far more complicated than that.

So of course some writers had to be lazy and change that--

Love this big, scary, intelligent bastard of a man.

No ones out here doing it like Jason Mother Saving Todd.

[opttwoodrow]

Im writing this more for myself than to add to any discussion, but its very funny that this happened. Its such an overlap of the coversations we have everyother month in the rpg community, but thisntime speced up with the faces i see from the 40k community. But its only funny because this is exactly the kind of thing that i would have thought they would have realised wasnt a good move and would have able to avoid due to their experiences with 'the biggest game' in their own ecosystem.

Two of them (atleast, not too familiar with the all of them) are exGW staff that left so they could have creative control of their own content, who realised there was a world of minatures and games outside of GW and wanted to take part in that. Now they are independent they cover all kinds of miniature companies, paint ranges, and games system, from large to small. So a parallel can be explicitly drawn to the dicussions we have around using hasbro's dnd for everything and the common desire of people outside the dnd monolith to get more people to try other rpgs and to see that there is a wider variety of rpgs available than just dnd. We can see that dnd is always discussed as the biggest roleplaying game by a mile, and we can also see that GW's 40k is always discussed as the biggest tabletop wargame by a mile.

So a thought similar to the following must have passed though the heads of the exGW staff for 40k at some point "Why play any other game when i can play 40k and write a bunch of house rules to support it". Which we can see is a position they rejected in their decision to try other games and use rules systems designed to run a specific type of game, such as bolt action, or silver bayonet, etc.

It's an interesting decision to see the monolith in your own community and try and escape its shadow, but then see the monolith in another community and try and use it as an onboarding point for your new show. Im not judging it as it feels like a commercialy sound decision, but it may not have been the correct one for building a niche community around.

I'm not going to discuss what game they should have used for this series, but Wrath and Glory did exist when they aired, and that is a dedicated 40k rpg which could have been used with no issues. Since then another, Imperium Maledictum, has been released, which is another dedicated 40k RPG, so that is a second currently supported option. And that is without mentioning the 5(?) older Black Industries 40k rpgs, which are fan famous and are now getting video game adaptions of their own, see Owlcat games for these. They could have easily picked any one of those and not had any other thoughts about it, and would have built shared expereinces with the audiences who have already played those games.

But instead, they are playing dnd 5e with a bunch of bolt ons, a decision that from the outside looks to be a mercantile one to try and tap into the market of online dnd watchers. Which is substantially larger than the online audence for any other individual rpg, but i think marketing to that audience would have been enough to grab some views, without having to frankenstein a game out of 5e. Which, may i remind you, the changes they made to 5e were trying to emulate the critical hit charts and injury tables from the old 40k rpgs, which they could have just played in the first place! The books still exist, the pdfs go on humble bundle sale very regularly, it would have been trivial to play any of the 40k rpgs and just market it to the dnd crowd.

But anyway...Thats it, i dont have anything more to add to the discussion, just a long winded observation i made to myself many months ago when this news first broke about the parallels between dnd and 40ks market position and how 'creators' in each market have to position themselves relative to the monolith.

Having put all this down i have only now realised the GM put out a video after the series ended where he addresses the reasons why he picked dnd 5e, which boil down to 'im most familiar with 5e so its easiest to run a d20 with modifiers system while performing, also its the one we wanted to play'. Which is totally okay, there is no problem with that at all in the abstract, but as Thydungeongal said earlier it continues to promote dnd5e as the default, which one may or may not see as an issue.

However, in this video he also belittes the rather tame pushback he received for picking dnd 5e. Seriously, look at the comments he picked out to say some people got 'furiously upset', they are benign at best and grumpy at worst.

If im being kind, getting that defensive when people ask you to maybe put in some effort to spread knowledge of games other than dnd sort of suggests that he didnt even realise this was a repeating discussion in the rpg-o-sphere and he essentially stumbled into it unknowingly. Which wouldnt be a good look, but is really a sympotom of dnds dominance in the minds of the larger community than an actual comment on the GMs decision, that even suggesting another game could be seen as an attack. But even the comments section on that video is full of people saying they would have prefered watching a game run with one of the actual 40k rpgs, so the community of people who watched the videos do know of the other games and likely would have watched a series based on those too.

If the dnd5e hack is the game they wanted to play because they want to play a fun game with their friends, more power to them. But maybe just play that dnd hack in private. No one is forcing you to stream it. Once its a stream its a product, and once its a product, people will offer their opinions on said product and a substantial amount of opinions seem to be 'you would have been better served by using another game to tell this story'.

I dont really have a conclusion to this surprise 2nd half. The final episode aired 3 months ago at this point, the first episode having 36k views while the 8th and final one has about 3k views. So maybe it was a success, and people signed on to watch dnd 5e with 40k bits added on, but the reality of low viewer retention on ongoing rpg campaigns is very apparent by the end of the shows run, even for games that use dnd.

Oh cool! Not a huge AP fan but I liked LABN so maybe this'll be fun

Haha "warhammer D&D" clearly the author isn't very familiar with the ttrpg scene, since they are playing 40k this is clearly a game of Dark Heresy etc. or maybe that new D6 one

Oh... oh NO

OH NO

[manicrouge]

Simon x gn!reader: Til' the Greenery Grows

tw: hurt and comfort, angst, discussion of death, set after the events of mw3 (boo), happy ending

To be put to bed in such a manner, to be rested beneath the trees, for the last thing the eyes to see to be the greenery which will consume - he thought of it all often, especially when, with the twist of one hand, all that remained of a comrade, a loyal friend, drifted into the wind.

He told you that it wasn't how things were meant to be, that, if he had it his way, it would've been him, the one who took the bullet, all for the sake of Johnny being the one to hold him, to set him free.

'Some fucken sacrifice it was,' he sneered, hand clutching a glass of whiskey. The dimples in his cheeks greeted you, the darkness of the kitchen leaving them to appear like wounds in his face. 'The bastards still out there, and he's dead.'

You sat by silently, watching him from the other side of the table, hands wrapped around yourself, wearing one of Simon's sweaters. 'It shoulda been me.'

'Don't say that,' you whispered, looking at him, 'please, please, never ever say that.'

He startled at the sound of the weakness in your voice, narrowed eyes growing wide. The glass of whiskey hit the table with a clunk.

'I- I know you're upset, Si', and what happened is horrible. But... I hate it when you talk like this.'

The concept of care was foreign to him, so your vulnerability seemed to be an utter shot in the dark for you knew, realistically, he hadn't the slightest clue of how to interpret it, let alone process it. So, when he was silent, you continued in the hopes of making it easier to digest.

'I love you. I don't want you to die - I don't want anything bad to happen to you, even, well, even if you think you deserve it.'

'You're just bein' nice.'

'I'm being honest,' you said firmly, clenching your fists, 'do you think I wanna have to put you in the ground? That I wanna pick out the flowers, the clothes? Any of that? Because I don't,' you admitted, eyes stinging, 'bad things happen to everyone, but I don't ever want them to happen to you and you talkin' like this is only going to bring them.'

You reached out to take hold of his hand, pressing your lips atop of it, 'I never wanna wake up alone, a- and when you die, I wanna be there with you, in the ground.' A tear rolled down your cheek and you snivelled, 'so please, please stop saying these things.'

'Marry me,' said Simon.

Your heart stopped and you stared at him wide eyed. He pushed the glass of whiskey to the side, taking hold of your hands firmly.

'What?'

'You heard me,' he said, eyes not moving from yours, 'marry me.'

'Are you being serious?'

'Wouldn't lie about somethin' like this,' he said, 'say yes, an' I'll never say anything like that again. You have my word, love.'

The emotional whiplash left you half disorenatated as a burst of excitement spread through your chest. You couldn't speak, so you answered his proposal with a chain of nods, bottom lip wobbling as you almost leapt across the table, pressing your lips against his.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

I’d Know You in Darkness | Robert "Bob" Reynolds x Reader

Summary: When childhood friends drift apart, there’s no telling if they’ll ever meet again. Their choices seem to pull them further and further away from each other… and then back into each other’s arms.

TW: Mentions of drug abuse, child abuse, car accident, allusions of self harm, some discussions of mental health. Let me know if I miss anything.

Words: 8k+

A/N: So apparently I haven’t posted a fic in 3 years?? I'm kind of scared. And going back to reading fic here is so interesting to see the change in trends. I can go on and on about it, but that would be another post. What an ever changing landscape. And drafts actually autosaves on here?? Wild.

So, anyways, here’s some slow burn childhood friends to lovers Bob Reynolds x Reader word vomit. Bone apple teeth. Reader's nickname is Canary. Reblog and comment if you want a part 2…

____

Bob was never one to believe in soulmates. His father had a temper, and even more so when he drank. That anger would be projected onto his mother who he loved very much but she did not want his protection. “You’re going to make things worse. You’re always making things worse.” Those words echoed through his mind to this very day. Suffice it to say, he did not grow up with the concept of what a healthy and loving relationship should be.

You lived next door with parents that don’t pay much attention to you. At least, as long as you were doing well in school and staying out of trouble, they didn’t care how often you left the house or kept your door locked. 

One day, he ran out of his house and right into you. His face was red and tear stricken, his lip bleeding from a cut and bruising forming around his eye. He scrambled to get up and you grabbed his wrist before he could get away and led him through the back of your house to the kitchen. You grabbed your supplies: a cloth, a bowl of ice, a small tub of ice cream, two spoons, and a bottle of water. Then, you led him upstairs to your room and he sat on your bed while you got the first aid kit from the bathroom.

He had already started eating ice cream when you got back, his blue eyes watching in alert as you took a damp cloth and gently wiped his face, careful of his bruises and cut lip, then wrapped ice into the cloth for his eye. He reluctantly put aside the ice cream to hold the makeshift ice pack to his eye. You got to work in cleaning his lip and disinfecting it, soothing him each time he flinched while you gently cupped his cheek to keep him steady. Once your work was done and you tossed the used q-tips and cotton, you turned to him and tilted your head curiously.

“Your eyes are a nice shade of blue,” was the first thing you said to him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, his gratitude extending beyond the compliment. “Why did you help me?”

You frowned. “Because you needed help,” you said as if it was the most obvious thing.

Since then you became best friends, although it wasn’t always easy. The anger from his home would often follow him when he’d meet up with you and at times that anger would be redirected to you. Over the years, you drifted apart then came back again, over and over, learning from mistakes and repeating them again, just as the motions of growing pains do. He gradually learned to be more gentle and tried not to be too quick to anger while you gradually learned not to rely your self-worth on how useful you are to others. 

Prom night. You wanted to ask Bob to prom, but he had asked someone else from class instead. Of course she had said yes. Bob was a cute guy and on his good days, he was the sweetest person that was so full of love he didn't know how to handle it. So, you went with a group of your other friends instead. He was able to steal one moment with you, pulling you aside to a quiet corridor from the gym.

“It was getting too loud in there,” he said, leaning his head against the wall.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” you admonished him.

He shrugged. “She kept talking and pulling me here and there. When I asked to go someplace quiet, she assumed the worst and walked away.”

“Thought she’d be enthusiastic about it. She was really into you,” you said halfheartedly, the words tasting bitter in your mouth.

“I think she figured out how boring I was and was desperately trying to make the most of it. And I, uh, snapped at her to be quiet,” he said sheepishly. “She was going on and on about some gossip and she started talking about you and how she knows your parents are losing the house and that you’re probably cheating to get good grades in class.”

You sighed. “Bobert.” He smiled at your nickname for him. “That’s just her opinion. What about you? Didn’t you like her?”

“Thought she was cute and all. She was the only one that showed interest in me –” You gave him a pointed look that he didn’t notice. “ – but if she’s talking trash about my best friend, then all interest for her is gone.” He closed his eyes for a minute and you settled to his side and did the same. You were enjoying the muffled music and silence in between you two when he spoke up again. “Did I mention you look pretty tonight?”

You opened your eyes and felt your cheeks heat up. You tugged on the long sleeves of your outfit and looked at him. “You did now… you look pretty, too.”

He chuckled bashfully, looking down at his loose fitting suit that he got from a thrift store. “A teacher said it reminded him of Talking Heads. Hey, I –”

“Robby! There you are!” a boy shouted from down the hall.

Another joined in. “Dude, let’s go! Kyle’s got his dad’s truck tonight!” Hoots and hollers echoed through the empty hall.

Bob swung his head between you and his friends, his eyebrows raised high in conflicted emotions. He should have told them no, should have stayed with you and taken you home, sneak into your room and watch 80s slashers. His hesitancy made you think he wanted otherwise but didn’t want to hurt your feelings. You sighed, pushing yourself off the wall and stepped towards him.

“Just be safe, Bobert,” you said softly, fixing his tie. Your face was inches from his and both of you will think of this moment to this day because of how you both pulled away, your hands remaining connected to each other until he slipped away with a brush of his fingertips against yours.

The accident was the catalyst, he felt. Morphine injected into his veins, making the pain go away and everything else faded. He needed more of that and once he was discharged, he went out looking for it. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you, of you seeing what he had become. School wasn’t important anymore, getting his next fix to help him forget how miserable and painful life had been was. 

There were arguments that he remembered snippets of, many that he hadn’t remembered at all, not until The Void showed him. How you managed to find him at whatever alley or crack house he ended up in, how he resisted your help, then he’d come back and say he’d do better and fall back into drugs again. You believed in him so much that he could recover, yet The Void in him made him spiteful of you. In his mind, it was killing you to save him, so he was saving you by pushing you away.

He wished you knew that it wasn’t your fault that he slipped away and he shouldn’t have yelled at you, accusing you of abandoning him when he found out you enlisted. He knew you were struggling to break away from your parents and still get into a good school. Your family’s financial situation was complicated yet still made you unqualified for full financial aid, and you weren’t making enough at your job to move out, so you thought the Army was a reasonable alternative.

Despite the promise of leave, the minimum of three years of service seemed too long for Bob. One of his biggest regrets was being high the night you had to leave. When he found a moment of sobriety, reality sunk in that you were gone and he didn’t want to live in that reality just yet.

Then the Blip happened. He wished it happened to him, but he had to keep on living. From what he heard, you had vanished along with half of Earth’s population. Why you and not him? You had so many things to do. You had a purpose, he didn’t. Now those three years felt like nothing compared to those five years without you, because now he couldn’t text or email you or meet up for lunch when you were on leave. Now, you were actually gone.

When you and the others that were Blipped returned, he made sure you couldn’t find him again. He didn’t know that you still tried anyways and that you were always a moment too late. After getting your degree, you transferred to the Air Force where you met Joaquin Torres and Sam Wilson. You occasionally operated as a trio and helped them deal with Samuel Sterns and the Red Hulk until Sam asked you and Joaquin to join his Avengers team. The obvious answer was yes. 

Little did you know that Bob had become the sole survivor of the Project Sentry experiments and would later cast Manhattan in darkness, then become a part of Valentina’s New Avengers. A team of which Sam threatened to sue for copyright.

____

Bob never wanted to join any of the missions. He had taken baby steps in controlling his powers, but Valentina believed in the method of throwing him in the deep end and hoped he would swim and not drown and take everyone else in the water with him. So, here he was on a mission with the team to check out a possible Hydra group. 

The intel given was not sufficient enough and was proving to be more difficult than they were prepared for. Which meant Bob had to utilize his powers more than he would like to protect his friends.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, Bob,” Bucky said, gripping his arm. 

Bob whipped his head around to their mission leader, golden rings blazing around his pupils, with one hand raised to hold a Hydra agent upside down in the air. Yelena ducked under Walker’s upgraded shield as bullets were shot before gunning down the other agents. Alexei lifted a large cabinet and used it to block one of the doors.

“We need information, too,” Bucky continued, “If we can’t find anything in their database, we need to question them. Besides, with all that power, you can still make the mistake of having your guard down.”

“But I’m invincible,” Bob shot back, dropping the agent.

“But we’re not.” Bucky gestured to the group. “Three of us may have the super soldier serum, but we can still get hit. Yelena and Ava can get hurt. We’re a team. If any of us lower our guards, then one of us is in trouble.” 

“I think it’s a little too quiet now, no?” Alexei said without lowering his voice.

Yelena shushed him as she held up the datapad. “We’re still in the middle of a Hydra base. The map just updated and it looks like there’ s more rooms than we were initially told.” She held it up for everyone to see. 

Ava reappeared, having ventured ahead. “There’s more locked doors down these corridors, some with different levels of clearances.”

Bucky nodded. “Good work, Ava.” He scanned the updated map and took in their surroundings.

“So, buddy system?” Yelena asked with a shrug.

Bucky and Alexei went ahead towards where their weapons storage should be, hoping to find out what they’re next move is and where they were getting their weapons. Walker and Ava took the corridor where the higher clearance doors were, planning to phase through or bust through. Bob and Yelena took another corridor where electric cables ran across the walls and into different rooms. From Yelena’s assessment, it looked like a quick set up and wasn’t planned for any invaders to break in.

It was hard to say what had set off first. Yelena was looking through their systems for information when there was a series of clicks coming from the other side of the room. Bob turned around for the source of the noise and stood between the threat and Yelena. 

Ava had phased through a high clearance room and found an office with notes and a computer to raid. She let Walker in before going through the computer, allowing him to go through the notes and whatever clues that could be in the room. The computer began to flash error the further she scanned through it when red lights started flashing. 

Bucky and Alexei reached the storage room to find agents already there making moves emptying the storage when there was a pause as one of them mentioned the trucks being delayed. Just then, an explosion hit from the other side of the base. 

Everything was a blur. Ava retrieved what little data she could find and collected the files from the desk before urging Walker to rush out. They ran through the corridors as an explosion shook the building. Walker yanked Ava back as a chunk of the ceiling fell through before she could phase. He looked up through the hole and saw three winged figures flying through the sky, one in the recognizable stars and stripes.

“Sam?!” Walker called out. 

Sam tossed the shield out, hitting three missiles heading towards them. “Joaquin,” Sam urged with an unspoken order.

“On it, Cap,” the new Falcon said, flying out to where Bucky and Alexei were, sounds of shooting and shouting erupting in their direction.

“Canary, check the explosion site.”

“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” you said, flying over to where Bob and Yelena were.

Sam landed in front of Walker and Ava, pressing a button on the side to retract his helmet. “Walker, Starr. Director de Fontaine belatedly informed us of this mission with more intel. Someone knew that you were coming.”

“Fuck, we were set up!” Walker shouted, kicking the wall.

“We gotta get you guys out of here before more reinforcements arrive. Do what you gotta do and meet us at the rendezvous point.” He sent the coordinates to their communication device.

“Alright, Captain,” Ava said. Walker shot her a frown which she returned with a shrug. Sam nodded at them both before flying up again.

“‘Captain’?” Walker mocked, “What was that?”

“I don’t know what your deal is. He’s the one that’s actually Captain America and he does have that air of authority and charisma that you don’t,” Ava said, walking past him.

“I’ve got charisma,” Walker muttered, following close behind.

Meanwhile, Yelena coughed as she inhaled ash and dust. Her ear rang as her body struggled to get out of the rubble, each movement nauseating and making the room spin. She couldn’t even call out to Bob as her body shook through another coughing fit. A figure with mechanical wings landed next to her, making her jerk for her gun that she struggled to hold up.

“Hey, it’s okay. Yelena Belova, right?” You tried to soothe her, retracting your helmet and mask to introduce yourself. “They also call me Canary. I was sent with Captain America and the Falcon to retrieve you guys and make sure you return safely. I’m a medic, allow me to help you.”

“Bob… Bob,” Yelena managed to get out, her eyes drifting around.

You restrained yourself from gasping at the name. From the rushed briefing you received from Valentina, you knew that you were eventually going to face Bob, but it felt real now. You scanned the immediate area and turned out with nothing. Hopefully he wasn’t buried under the rubble. Yelena seemed to understand your thought process and shook her head, pointing up at the sky. There, a glowing figure flew past and took out another missile with his body. 

“Okay, I’ll get him, but I need to treat you first.”

You weren’t able to give her the full treatment right now, but at least you had enough supplies. Good thing you’ve studied Tony Stark's work and acquired a thing or two from your time helping out Wakanda’s outreach centers. You scanned her body quickly and thoroughly, before taking out a small device from your utility belt. It expanded into an oxygen device, which you placed over her mouth and encouraged her to breathe in. It was a device inspired by the water breathing apparatus that you saw in Wakanda. Shuri had helped develop a device for treating smoke inhalation and gave one to you. Then, you started putting on patches designed to treat minor burn injuries on the ones that you could see and cleaned and bandaged her head just enough until she could get proper medical attention.

“Belova’s down. Looks like she took more damage from the smoke and impact than the fire, but she’s unable to walk right now,” You communicated through your earpiece.

“Ava and I are the closest,” Walker said, “We can get her.”

You situated Yelena to an even surface away from the smoke, making sure she stayed awake until the others arrived. She lifted the mask off and croaked, “Get Bob. He might be too far gone.”

“I don’t believe that,” you said, hearing footsteps rushing over.

“I got her, I got her,” Walker said, rushing to Yelena’s side.

You wasted no time in getting into the sky again, heading straight for Bob. Your heart seized as you watched him crush an incoming helicopter into a ball and tossed it into another one.

“Bob, stop!” You shouted, flying over. There were no threats left in the air for him to attack. But there was you and from what you’ve seen of Manhattan that day, he might not stop. “Bobert!”

He froze, his whole body turning to you. There was a slight glow around him with blazing golden rings in his eyes, far from the baby blues you knew. You shivered but pushed forward, reaching a hand out towards him. He retreated, clutching his head.

“You! You dared to show your face after you abandoned me!” He hissed, a slight echo in his voice. The glow around his body faded, replaced by a shadow that crawled up his body.

His words were like a knife to your stomach. “I didn’t abandon you! You knew why I enlisted, I –”

“You didn’t want to deal with me anymore. I was holding you back.” The knife kept twisting and twisting.

“I was going to come back for you!” You flew closer. “Bob, please.” 

You surged forwards and grabbed his arms. Suddenly, you feel your mind being pulled under as you were thrown back in time to your teenage years. You found yourself in your childhood home, following your younger self as you got home from school. Up the stairs, down the hall, and to the bathroom. You felt a violent chill wash over you once you recognized this memory. Bob stood next to you, frowning as the scene played out. 

“I don’t want you to see this,” you whispered, pushing him back as the bathroom light bled through the crack of the door and into the hall. 

The light reflected off of his eyes and he could see, just for a moment, a razor blade. Your teenage self raised their arm, palm up. You shoved him away into your room before he could see more. Your wrists were stinging from phantom pains at the memory, most of the scars having faded since then. You couldn’t bear to look at Bob, but you could feel the heat radiating off of his body retreating, the air around you growing heavy and chilled. You forced yourself to look and saw Bob shaking, tears streaking down his face.

“I didn’t know. How could I have not known?” he choked out. The darkness returned, crawling up his neck and covering half of his face again.

“I hid it from you. I didn’t want you to know,” you said, rubbing your wrists together out of an old habit.

“You should have told me!” His voice rumbled. The darkness crawled an inch across his face. “I’m… I’m the worst friend. I should have known… But you didn’t even trust me to know, either, didn’t you?”

You realized what was going on and grabbed his face, the dark side icy cold to the touch. “Bobert,” you said softly. The pinprick of light that was his left eye, along with his glossy blue right eye, wavered. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to see me like that. I… I was ashamed of myself. I thought I was weak and I wanted to be someone that you could lean on. How can you lean on someone who looked unstable, right? And you had it worse at home and I didn’t want to feel any pity or for you to get angry or –”

Bob broke through your hold and wrapped his arms around you. The warmth from his body seeped into yours and you never realized until now how cold you had gotten. The darkness had retreated once more and you were staring into his blue eyes .

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pushed you away,” he said, sounding almost breathless and strained, like his mind wanted to suppress it but his heart wanted to spill, “When you left… I had gone down a dark path that I didn’t want you to see me in. A path that you had been trying to prevent me from going on this whole time while you had your own darkness to deal with.”

“Bob…”

“No, I need to say this. I missed you so much and I knew you deserved better. I tried to get better and, turns out, there are no shortcuts when it comes to this kind of stuff and I’ve made it worse… but I’ve also got friends now. Friends who support me and make the effort to understand me… just like you had all those years ago when you first patched me up. Now…” Bob gave you a reassuring nod, then let go.

You were yanked back into the present, your gut dropping as you felt yourself free falling. Your wings must have retracted sometime during the vision. The button was jammed, making you scramble for the emergency parachute that you had. Before you could pull it, Bob swooped down and wrapped a strong arm around your waist. The sudden force of motion made you choke, hands scrambling to cling onto his shoulders and arms.

“Breathe, I’ve got you,” Bob said, his face more visible, more like the Bob you knew with those blue eyes that you loved, golden rings glowing faintly around them.

You told him about the rendezvous point and held on as he flew the both of you over. You were the last ones to meet up, feeling all eyes on you. Bob gently lowered you down, his hands on your waist until you stabilized yourself.

“Everyone good?” Sam asked.

You nodded, watching as Bob rushed over to Alexei who had taken over carrying Yelena from Walker. Yelena reached over and weakly punched Bob on the shoulder. He chuckled, letting out a quiet, “Ouch.” Yelena lifted the oxygen mask and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“Someone got carried away and literally left me in the dust,” she said, her voice sounding a lot better than earlier.

“I let my guard down and you got hurt,” Bob said, dropping his head. “I made everything worse.”

Your heart clenched at those words, all too familiar during your shared childhood, but there was a slight relief as his team all shut it down and complimented him. He flinched when a hand landed on his shoulder.

“You didn’t make things worse, just that things could have been handled differently. And we’re gonna work on that,” Bucky said, squeezing his shoulder. “It also looks like you’ve got a little more control over your powers. I’m proud of you, buddy… but maybe don’t get carried away next time.”

The plane ride itself was uneventful and the group took the time to get their bearings and consolidate the information that they had on the situation. You stayed by Yelena’s side, seeing improvements in her health already. Bob sat on her other side, deep in thought. You tried not to let your mind wander about the nature of their relationship. Besides, it wasn’t your place.

Walker had ceased his pacing after a while, having accepted that Valentina was still going to screw with them despite holding much of her dark secrets that could not only get her impeached but also arrested. He was now getting heated about football with Sam, their volume fluctuating along with Alexei’s occasional bouts of snores as he sat with his legs stretched out before him and his hands folded on his stomach, a picture of peace and content in an uncomfortable sleeping situation. With Yelena’s condition stabilized, Ava had taken your spot next to her, keeping her up with hushed chatter. Joaquin interrupted Bucky’s attempt of a nap by his barrage of questions about Steve Rogers and stories of growing up in Brooklyn more than seventy years ago. This left you and Bob.

Bob played with the sleeves of his tactical suit that looked slightly too big on him. You’ve seen in his file that Valentina gave you that he had been given a gaudy golden suit when they wanted to tout him around as their golden boy. Even that appeared to be the wrong size on him. You saw him stop, then glanced at you and down at your sleeves. You lifted your arm and he gingerly took it, as if he hadn’t thrown a metal table, blown a hole in the ceiling, and crushed a helicopter earlier that day.

He slowly peeled the sleeve back, revealing faint horizontal scars. You felt his body shake again but he held back his tears, covering the scars with the expanse of his palm, the heat burning away the phantom stinging. You dropped your head on his shoulder and reached over to his left arm near his elbow junction where bruising would speckle his skin.

“We’re here now,” you said softly, loud enough for only the two of you to hear.

He felt him nod, resting his head against yours. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

You closed your eyes, basking in the comfortable stillness between you. He was here with you now, after all these years of chasing after his shadow. Despite everything, both of you were still here. Are either of you still the same person that you were the last time you saw each other? It felt so easy to fall into each other, your bodies familiar with each other’s touch, and your eyes recognizing every microexpression and movement in body language.

Bob felt your body go slack against his, your breathing evened out as you fell asleep. He was worried that touching you again would pull you into another shame room, but The Void was quiet. He glanced around at his team, the majority of them preoccupied with their own thing.

Except for Bucky. One of the most observant team members was staring at him. His eyes flickered between you and Bob, then raised a curious eyebrow. Bob got flustered but couldn’t bring himself to pull away from you, as if you were magnets that finally found the other piece to stick to. So instead, Bob shot him with his best attempt of a death glare without any malice behind it. Bucky simply snorted and turned back to Joaquin whose questions were slowing down as the adrenaline wore off.

____

As soon as the plane landed at the Watchtower, the team stormed through and demanded to see Valentina. Of course, she was in an “important meeting” and didn’t want to be interrupted. The team didn’t care and was ready to burst through when Sam persuaded them not to. In his soothing and rational way, he convinced them to wash up and rest before dealing with her. 

You, Sam, and Joaquin, were not given accommodations despite Valentina’s insistence on you three staying in the tower for a while. That meant that you had to share a room with someone. Joaquin grinned, going in to wrap an arm around Bucky when Sam called dibs. Everyone else avoided eye contact, not sure if they were able to handle his high energy. 

Yelena nodded at you and gestured to follow her. “Doctor needs to keep an eye on their patient,” she said over her shoulder. She shot Bob a smirk, letting him know that she will definitely interrogate you about the nature of your relationship with him.

Bob glared and was startled when Joaquin wrapped an arm around his shoulder instead. Everyone quickly retreated to their rooms, leaving Bob and Joaquin alone in the hallway.

“So, I wanna talk about those cool powers that I saw earlier,” Joaquin started as Bob shuffled the both of them to his room, “Hey, if you don’t want to talk about it, then we can talk about something else. Heard you’re from Florida like me and Canary. Where from?”

They disappear into Bob’s room, Joaquin’s voice silenced as the door seals behind them.

Meanwhile, you had taken Yelena to the small med bay that Valentina had set up, the rest of the floor occupied by lab rooms that she assured the team was not meant to create anything nefarious or recreate the super soldier serum. After looking Yelena over, the doctor recommended rest, fresh air, and prescribed painkillers for her aching muscles and headache.

After heading to her room, you found yourself at Yelena’s desk as she showered, the bathroom door wide open, letting the steam out. “So, tell me, Canary,” Yelena shouted through the rushing water, “How do you know our Bob?”

“Well -”

“What? Sorry, I cannot hear you from all the way over there. Just sit on the toilet or something.”

You came over and washed your face at the sink first before settling on the toilet lid. “Well, Bob and I go way back. We were neighbors since grade school and just… drifted apart near the end of high school.”

“Neighbors, huh? You must have heard a lot next door.” You knew what she was doing, but you had nothing to hide, so you answered.

“Yes, I knew about his father. Patched Bob up a couple of times because of that asshole and all those assholes in school. It’s how we met. I hated staying in my house. It was too suffocating. Then, this boy ran into me. He looked terrible. Black eye, busted lip, the works. Gave him some ice for his eye, cleaned his lip, and got him ice cream.”

“Whoa,” Yelena popped her head out of the shower, “Can I have ice cream after this?”

You shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

Yelena smiled, slinking her head back in the shower. “I like you, Canary. You’re a smart doctor, you’re sweet like ice cream, and you’re our Bob’s long lost love. Ha, I think binge watching melodramas with my dad is really affecting me.”

“Wait, wait, wait, who said anything about long lost love?” you said, flustered.

Yelena poked her head out again, water dripping everywhere as she stared you down. “You’ve experienced The Void, yes? Seeing the things that you were the most shamed and traumatized about?” You nodded. “Well, the team has seen many of Bob’s and you were there for many of them. You cared for him. You loved him. I saw you on the plane. You still do.”

You stared at your hands, thinking back to when you touched his arm. For years, you would see finger shaped bruises, then tiny dotted ones, but now they were gone and something else replaced it. You felt the power that hummed under his skin, subtle but warm. But just because the bruises aren’t visible doesn’t mean it’s erased from his memory.

“It was easy to love him. It’s needing him to believe that makes it difficult.”

The shower squeaks off and Yelena’s arm shoots out to grab her towel. “You can say that again. Imagine a team full of emotionally constipated assholes learning to communicate and express emotions just so our teammate doesn’t get consumed by his own darkness.”

“Helps you guys to not get consumed by your own darkness, too, right?”

Yelena stepped out of the shower, wrapped in her towel. She studied you, then nodded. “It does.”

“You know, since we’re here, I think you guys should also speak to Sam,” you said, following her out the bathroom, “He was a counselor at the VA. He may not have the super soldier serum, but I like to say that his superpower is empathy. He’s really good at what he does.”

“I know! I saw that video of him talking down that Red Hulk. Super cool stuff. I don’t think the team would be up for it, though.”

“He also does group sessions,” you suggested.

“Very tempted, Canary, but first, after you shower we might binge watch another soap opera. We do that a lot when we unwind and want something that’s not action. My dad started it and we all just sat down and watched it with him.”

You didn’t think that when Yelena said “we” that it meant everyone on the team was actually sitting down and watching soap operas together. Everyone had taken Sam’s advice and washed up, their bodies seemingly more relaxed as they slowly gathered in front of the large flat screen TV in the common room. Snacks and drinks were up for grabs on the coffee table and the team had taken the usual spots around the couch.

There were two chaise lounges that sandwiched the wide couch. Yelena walked past you and stretched out on one of them, her dad already settled on the other one. Walker was in a lazy boy chair that was angled to the TV, clutching a banana from the fruit bowl with the leg rest inclined. Ava sat next to Yelena, sharing a popcorn bowl that had extra butter and pickled jalapenos. Bucky appeared relaxed for once, although he seemed more relaxed ever since Sam arrived anyways. He perched himself on the other lazy boy chair, rocking it like an old disgruntled man with a beer in hand. 

Joaquin and Sam didn’t mind sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch, two beers in front of them and a big bowl of chips and salsa between them. Bob sat next to Joaquin, a small smile on his face as the other man offered him chips and salsa, too. You took the empty spot on the couch above Bob, grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl to pick on. Bob looked up and offered you a smile as you settled in, shifting around so that your legs boxed Bob in. He wrapped an arm around one of them and leaned back with a soft sigh.

Everyone’s face was glued to the screen as things started to get tense. You gently ran your fingers through Bob’s brown hair, leaning over occasionally to offer an orange slice to him. He’d absentmindedly angled his head to take it with his mouth and hummed in appreciation, his eyes not leaving the screen.

“Why won’t you look at me? Markus!” the woman on screen screamed.

“Elizabeth, we can’t!” the man, Markus, said, yanking her hands away from him.

She gasped, her makeup suddenly running. “Why not? I love you! You said you loved me!”

“Ah, man, I have a bad feeling about this,” Joaquin whispered, having experience watching telenovelas with his mom and grandma.

“Because…” Markus whipped around, breathing heavily, “You…” He looks down, then peers up at her intensely, “You don’t know what happened to your father, do you?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “What does this got to do –” 

“My brother… had a child out of wedlock.”

“Oh, my god,” Yelena muttered in Russian, chewing on a jalapeno.

“Could have been worse,” Ava added. Sam shot her an incredulous look. She shrugged.

“You…” Markus continued, shaking Elizabeth’s shoulders, “Are my long lost niece.”

The scene froze and the outro music began.

Bucky groaned, complaining about how the twists haven't changed over the years and that he hated those “secretly related” tropes. Walker and Alexei exclaimed with the former throwing his banana peel to the screen, making the TV wobble slightly.

“Welp, as their patient, Doctor Canary said I could have ice cream,” Yelena said, handing the popcorn bowl back to Ava and hopping off the chaise lounge to get to the kitchen.

“Good, I need it!” Alexei said, getting up to follow his daughter.

“I see you’ve upheld your tradition,” Bob said, looking back at you upside down.

You leaned forward so that your face was right above his and squished his cheeks. “It helped my very first patient. I figured I could use it on special occasions.” 

He placed his hands over yours and kept them in place, a dopey smile spreading on both of your faces. It was silly, but being together after all those years made it feel easy to be. Life had not granted either of you many moments of softness. Sure, you made friends after Bob, including Joaquin who had become like a brother to you, but it was only recently that you had opened up more to him and even Sam and you had a feeling that it was the same with Bob and his team who also had their rough edges.

“Lovebirds, get your ice cream or else we’re eating it all without you!” Walker called out.

The gallon of vanilla ice cream was scrapped clean as everyone took their fill. You and Bob made your bowls and decided to retreat to his room, ignoring the teasing from the team.

“We will recap you when you return,” Alexei said as you both disappeared into the hallway leading up to the rooms.

You sat cross legged on his bed facing each other as you recounted your days in the Army, your decision to continue serving after college and medical school by transferring to the Air Force, and your life that led you to working with Captain America. Bob finally opened up about what happened to him, how he had struggled with his addiction while trying to hold down a job, how he traveled to Malaysia for a study, hoping to get better and be better. Then, he spoke of how he met his new family and how it led to them being called The New Avengers.

“Who would have thought that our decisions would lead us back to each other like this?” you said, putting your empty bowl on the bedside table. 

You looked around his room, a lot more spacious than his childhood room, a little less personalized, but it had potential. Your eyes landed onto Bob who was frowning as he was lost in thought. He had changed out of his tactical gear and into a blue and dark blue striped baggy sweater and comfy gray sweatpants, his brown wavy hair reaching his jawline. He looked soft and comfortable, not just in his clothes, but also in himself. You took his empty bowl out of the way, stacking it with yours, and scooted over to him. He blinked as he was pulled out of his thoughts by your movement, his eyes watching you closely.

You reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, your hand lingering for a few seconds before you pulled away again. “That glow in your eyes,” you started to say, “Does it happen whenever you use your powers?”

Bob nodded, playing with his sleeves. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then finally met your eyes. “I’ve been trying to keep it under control… keep him under control. Whenever my powers get too much, he takes over.”

“He?”

He tried his best to explain it the way he understood it. There was no set definition and some of it was uncharted territory. Valentina had facilitated this transformation, but even she didn’t know what she created. He likened it to a form of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Not quite separate identities, but a little more like parts of himself, his emotions, being separated into their own physical manifestation. His arrogance and delusions of grandeur. His emptiness and shame. They may share his memories and see through his eyes, but being intense manifestations of his emotions can be too much for him and caused black outs on his end. He was getting better at it and he had been remembering more as his control over his powers improved.

“I think I get it,” you said. You tilted your head to the side. “I’m glad you’re doing better, with all things considered. You have a team to support you and the means to train and control your powers.”

“And look at you, a doctor that flies with Captain America.” You both laughed at how funny life was, then sat in a comfortable silence. Bob shifted around to lay down on the bed and patted the space next to him. You joined him, your hands centimeters away as you stared up at the ceiling. “Was this what you have always thought your life would be like?”

“There’s no way I would have thought that I’d be working with superheroes. I’m just… me, you know? And to be honest, I’ve always pictured us someplace, I don’t know, maybe a medium sized town. Not too small where everyone knows everyone and not too big where it’s too chaotic and noisy. We’d have a house in a nice neighborhood. Not cookie cutter type but not rundown. I’d be working at a local clinic helping people and you’d be working at the bookstore, probably reading more books than you were selling them. Now that I think about it, those were big asks.”

Bob turned to his side to face you and smirked, nudging your shoulder. “You imagined us living together?”

Your cheeks heated. “Well, yeah. We were supposed to escape from our hometown, start over somewhere else together. That was the plan, anyways, after serving and finishing college. Then, things happened.”

You risked a glance at him and he was staring back, eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’m sorry that I accused you of abandoning me,” he said shakily.

You cupped his cheek gently, reminiscent of the day you first patched him up and the many times after when you had looked at him with those eyes that were full of something he never was sure about. It was never a look he saw at home, so he didn’t wonder about it until now. It made his throat tighten, his heart squeeze, but yet his body could not help but lean into you every single time. So he did, he finally gave into it and that constricting feeling he had was not because of you, it was because of himself for suppressing happiness and the yearning to lower his guard, to just be. It was the fear of being hurt again, of being caught in a moment of weakness and having it turned against him. When he gave in, it all spilt out. 

He wrapped his arms around you and cried, one of your hands rubbing circles on his back while the other ran your fingers through his hair. He had gotten better at physical touch and expressing himself. The whole team did.

Yelena had become his best friend and was the first to offer a hug if he needed it and sometimes, especially after a rough mission, she would ask for a hug, too. Alexei started with more of a fatherly pat on the back, but he would easily hug his daughter, while Walker’s was more of a brotherly with a tough exterior pat. Ava was still getting used to it, having spent years not being able to hold a solid form for long, but she appreciated an arm squeeze every now and then, reminding her of her new stable being, that there are others who’d notice if she’d disappear. Bucky was a surprise to him. Despite his resting grumpy face, his hugs were warm and weighted. Grounding and reliable.

Your hugs, though… Your arms felt like protective walls, your body heat a warm blanket. Fingers caressing him like he was precious, your soothing voice soft like sharing a secret that only the two of you know. But there was something else, too. Time has passed and neither of you have gone unscathed by it. Your hands were steady and firm. You could be gentle, but there was more of an assuredness to them. Your arms pulled him in tighter, like you were shielding him from the world and holding in his darkness. Gone was the hesitancy that held you back and Bob responded just the same. He knew he was broken in some ways and you still had shame rooms that were left untouched.

Despite these changes, Bob was quite sure of this, something that he had a small taste of when you were both safe in your childhood room and away from the world, when you both were in that hallway during prom. He had seen it happen between Sam and Bucky and in a familial way between Yelena and Alexei. Two people who would bicker and spend a good amount of time away from each other, but always fall into a familiar rhythm with each other. Another foreign concept that he could not quite place in his unstable life until now. 

Your hugs were like coming home.

“You feel a lot warmer than I remember,” you mumbled, “And not the sweaty stinky puberty or withdrawal warm kind.”

He hummed. “I run hot now. Something to do with having the power of a thousand suns.”

“Hot damn.”

Bob snorted at your corny joke. “I love you,” he whispered, muffled as his lips were pressed against your head.

“I love you, too.”

It was easy, a simple truth that grew since that fateful meeting. Whether it will mean anything more would be too early to say. What mattered now was that you were together again.

____

Joaquin was strolling down the hallway as the group called it quits for the night, ending the soap opera marathon on yet another cliffhanger involving amnesia and a possible character death. He almost reached Bob’s room when Walker steered him away.

“Yeah, no, buddy, I think you’re going to be rooming with me tonight,” he said, redirecting him to his room.

“Oh, are they… okay.” Joaquin pointed at Bob’s door and then turned away, letting the man guide him. “So, I heard Sam and Bucky dislocated your shoulder. How does that work with the super soldier healing factor?”

“Oh, boy,” Walker sighed.

“I was actually looking forward to our sleepover, but I guess this is fine, too,” Yelena said, heading to her own room.

“Ah, young love,” Alexei said, “But we are all in agreement that any of you bring someone over in the future, we would have to interrogate them, yes?”

“I’m never bringing anyone over,” Ava muttered, “Goodnight guys.”

There was a chorus of goodnights before the doors were closed. Sam and Bucky walked side by side, glancing at each door as if they were prefects at a boarding school. Bucky had a fond smile on his face, which he quickly wiped away when he caught Sam looking.

Bucky cleared his throat and pulled a frown. “What?”

“Nothing,” Sam said with a chuckle, “Just that you’ve got an interesting team here. I think this is good for you.”

“Does that mean you’ll pull the lawsuit?”

“Ha ha. I know I was upset with you, but my fight isn’t with you, it’s Valentina. I’ve seen how governments exploited heroes, soldiers, and Valentina is self-serving and sly. I don’t want her to be waving the Avengers name around to get her way. But, if you join my team…” Sam raised his eyebrows, letting the offer sit.

They stopped in front of Bucky’s room as he thought it through. “You’re asking me to join your Avengers team?” Bucky asked incredulously.

Sam shrugged. “I was always going to ask, but you weren’t answering any of your calls. It was only when you were made Valentina’s Avengers did you try calling me back. I gotta say, man, you were really scrambling there.”

“It wasn’t planned. We were actually about to arrest her when she told the press that we were the new Avengers, so…”

“Yeah, I kind of figured. I’m just messing with you.” Sam looked across at Bob’s door. “You know, I’ve never seen Canary initiate physical touch beyond a professional level. Heard their folks weren’t the affectionate type. Joining the army, then the Air Force helped them form bonds and they got a real shock with how Joaquin is, but this is the most affectionate and soft I’ve seen them.”

Bucky nodded in understanding. “Bob’s had it rough, too, growing up. We knew of Canary to an extent. Childhood friends that grew apart. When I saw it… I couldn’t help but think of Steve, you know? Sometimes when Bob puts himself in the line of fire to save his friends, I think of that little guy from Brooklyn standing up to assholes in a damp alleyway. His pops can be real mean, too. Had to patch him up all the time. But them? I think they’ve got something special.”

“Let’s slow down and let them figure it out, huh? Besides, we’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

“Lead the way, Cap.”

[ckret2]

Hey, well I am a follower of yours. Also someome who has posted some stuff here on Tumblr. What advice would you recommend to get attention to posts?

I love that you make pretty art to lure in readers too. Content is good.

pretty art. You've figured that part out.

tag ur posts. With the fandom, with the characters, with the kind of content it is ("art," "headcanons," "gifs" whatever). Tumblr's tagging system is, in fact, functional these days, and people do use it to find posts they like! I do! When I wanna find stuff that might interest me I browse actual tags 20x as often as I look at the for you tab

use RELEVANT tags. On some sites it's normal to throw on irrelevant tags "for reach." On tumblr it makes you a douchebag. If I'm browsing a character's tag and I see a piece of fanart that doesn't include or even mention the character I'm looking for and yet has their tag, I will block that artist and never see anything they make ever again.

make your blog easy to navigate. This ties into tagging. idk what you make but let's say art. Tag all your art "#my art" or whatever you want and link your art tag in your pinned post. If somebody sees one of your art posts and likes it, they're gonna want to go to your blog and find more. MAKE IT EASY FOR THEM. if you don't tag any of your art and there's 200 reblogs in between your art posts they're just gonna leave rather than scroll long enough to find the next one.

interact with other people. I don't mean fishing for interactions, "hey your art's cool wanna come look at mine?" Just TALK TO people. You see a post you like the ideas of, reblog it and compliment OP's work in the tags, or leave a comment continuing the discussion they started in the post, whatever. When people see your name regularly they'll probably click on it and look at your blog and THEN they'll see your stuff. If they like it they like it. If they don't, you'll still be having more fun because you're participating in your fandom rather than standing on the side hoping someone looks at you.

don't cringe at yourself for your own creations when you post them. "here's my art sorry this looks bad," "I know this is kinda shitty," using something like "#[your name] shut up" or "#[your name]'s shitty writing" in your personal tags. Not only does it make you feel worse about your creations, it also TELLS THE VIEWERS that it's shit and they should see it that way—and that has a subconscious effect. Just put it out there, don't apologize, don't discourage the people who DO like it. If you've gotta cringe at yourself do it IRL or in DMs where people browsing your blog won't see. The more amateurish or corny or self-indulgent you think your post is & the more you're afraid it might embarrass you, the more important it is that you post it without flinching.

the most important point is "make stuff that interests people and that they wanna look at." I don't know how to teach you how to do this. I have no clue what appeals to people, I'm the person that keeps getting questions about Bill Cipher's menstrual cycle.

[yurrrsssss-ghoul]

whats ur ideal characterization of the al ghuls ?

This might come across as more or less a biased perspective, but I'll try to put them into sections (littler parts so it'll be more digestible) and back up with actual evidence with canon materials as to avoid being completely fanon-y.

First, I'd like to admit my flaws that sometimes I do tend to fall to certain tropes. I'm a complete sucker for mother-ly/childish/fun Talia who has her own things going on (the run where she was the CEO of LexCorp? Love it), I like to see more of Ra's being some sort of radical environmentalist and I do appreciate it when Damian acts more or less like a kid with love for art and theater.

However, I also understand that I can't have everything, and that their lifestyle also dictates their characteristics, so I'll try my best to keep both things balanced.

First, let's get a few things out of the way. The al-Ghuls are strict, they're disciplined and certainly smart and strong. Whatever I'm saying next does not negate any of these things; they certainly do commit wrong-doings here and there, though I feel like when discussing about the 'correct' characterization of the al-Ghuls, I think it all falls down under a single issue.

I'd like to see them more emotional.

Contrary to popular beliefs, the al-Ghuls aren't 'unfeeling monsters'. In fact, I believe that the primary factor that drives them towards their goal is the fact that they're emotional beings, ruled by their love if not passion, among other things.

Ra's love for the environment drives him to raise an eco-terrorist organization, Talia's love for the men in her life ultimately leads her to her demise, not to mention how she conducted an international hunt for her mother's killer outside of Ra's knowledge, Damian's love for his parents destroyed him altogether.

One way or another, all of them were (I supposed, martyred) for their love of someone else, or something else. Doomed.

The best I could describe this is by using the 'White guy philosophy'. Like how, if you can't imagine Batman comforting children, then you didn't imagine Batman. You just imagine some guy in a bat costume beating up criminals.

Similarly, if you can't imagine Ra's crying over animals that died or mourning his family, or Talia saving women or children and comforting them and loving her family, or Damian willing to sacrifice himself for his family— then you didn't imagine the al-Ghuls. You, in fact, are seeing them through the rose-tinted glass of stereotypical vision.

Consequently, anything that implies them pursuing a relationship because of genetics, blood, power, or whatever is inherently revolting.

A part of me died whenever people emphasized how they (the al'Ghuls) only reproduce to acquire the 'perfect heir,' when nothing could be further from the truth. Ra's genuinely loves his wives, and he didn't press it when Talia (his favorite daughter, by the way, and by his definition, perfect) refused to lead the LoA. Talia genuinely loves Bruce and wanted to have a family with him, but alas gave it up when she saw how he was endangering himself for her.

Thankfully, Damian is 14. And I haven't seen such claims made about him.

It all ties back to the al-Ghuls being 'unemotional', that everything has some sort of ulterior motives for them. That the notion of them conceiving or starting a family doesn't have anything to do aside from some grand plot of bringing down humanity.

It also fuels a lot of other issues, a can of worms I'm opening for another day.

Ra's wouldn't seek out someone to produce the perfect heir, he wouldn't condone animal cruelty or even unjust terrorism. Talia isn't some seductress that lures men to feast on them or whatever, and she certainly wouldn't sit alright if she witnessed a form of violence. Damian isn't some stupid, spoiled brat that scream out, "I'm the blood son" every other second.

Make them romantic people. Make them kind. But also make them fight to be kind, make their kindness be the end of them. That their virtues are also the sins that condemned them to hell. They are demons on Earth because they are angels that were exiled from heaven.

Also, like, separate them from what they do? Let Ra's sometimes just take a walk at his many gardens and care for animals, let Talia travel the world and allow her to go on her own adventures and let Damian act however he wants to be.

I'm ending this now because I really don't want it to go far beyond what was expected, but here are some things I'd love to be more incorporated into their writings.

[neowqing]

"It can't be serious," Severus assures himself as he buttons his shirt, the room is dark and he can imagine Black not being here, but someone hands him a tie, touching his shoulder, which brings back memories.

Severus rushes out of the room as soon as he finishes tidying up himself, meeting Sirius Black so close to the start of class is a risk of being late. Severus returns to the abandoned room, picking up his bag and notebooks, at this rate he might be late for class.

A Slytherin enters the classroom with the bell ringing, everyone is already gathered and the teacher is standing near his seat, Severus thinks of quickly going to his seat, but one Gryffindor hits his friend on the arm and points his finger at Severus, they are too surprised, which makes Severus start to look for what is wrong?

He looks down, immediately noticing the red and gold against the black and green, fucking Black. Would it be appropriate to take off his tie now and sit back down before everyone else notices? But it's too late, the whole class is looking at him, and Black has the nerve to smile with bared teeth, he's not wearing a tie.

Lily is the first to react, her robes tucked under her neck and her tie invisible, so she carefully takes it off, putting it in her bag, and stands up to walk over to Severus.

" I gave yours back later, I forgot" Lily takes the tie off Severus, taking it for herself. "Let's go."

They reach the place together, and the surprised classmates follow with their eyes. Severus doesn't turn around but he hears Potter about to explode, he gives one look, meeting Sirius's eyes, angry.

Lily doesn't say anything when they sit together, but after class, she grabs his hand, the last time it was before their fight, a year ago, so Severus doesn't take his hand away, he's human, he wants physical contact too.

She pulls him to a quiet corner.

"Is that Sirius'?" Severus nods. "Oh, how awful! Oh, my God! Why? It's Sirius Black, the one we were discussing, the stupid hunting dog of his master who evolved into a predatory beast."

Lily complains, resting her forehead against the cold wall, whimpering.

"Well, and Potter..."

"There's no Potter! That idiot is telling everyone about a date, even though we met in a café where I was with friends" Lily waves him off. "Well, that's a good proof, you won't be able to turn away."

"From what?" Sirius appears unnoticed and out of nowhere, something Severus should have been used to after all these years.

"You!" Lily hisses, and even walks in front of Severus. "What's the matter, another prank?"

Sirius walks around her to lean against Severus on the other side, like a dog that puts its face to its master's to lick, and Severus pushes his face away. Sirius sulks in offence, but doesn't leave.

"What prank? I just wanted to show you that the little snake belongs to me."

"I'm going to kill you with this," Lily says without a hint of joking, showing Sirius's tie and lunges at him, causing Black to jump aside and run.

Lily doesn't follow him, she grabs Severus by the arm.

"Time for another lesson. This is awful!"

Severus walks with her at the same pace, nodding.

"Yes, it's awful."

"Did he make you do it?" The girl's gaze sharpens.

"No, it was consensual. He said I could imagine someone else if I wanted to, but I couldn't, because he was the only one I could imagine."

"Ah! No! No details!" Lily shakes her head, not wanting to hear it. "If he does anything, tells me, I'll kill him, I promise."

"okay," Severus nods in confirmation. "Thank you."

"Hmm," Lily mumbles . "mum said she'd send a bunch of cookies for Christmas, are you staying or are you going to yours?"

"She died in the summer after fifth year," Severus says simply. But Lily stops in her tracks.

"What? You didn't tell me? And you were alone, oh, Severus" Lily hugs him, rubbing his back.

Severus decides to keep quiet about the fact that earlier this year Sirius was the one who somehow knew that his mother had died and decided to "distract" him from his grief, because he knows that Lily will kill Black for taking advantage of the situation.

"It's okay now, we have to hurry up, we're going to be late."

Later, Sirius will be crying in the library at the table with Lily sitting next to Severus and Regulus across from him, that they are kidnapping his boyfriend, and Severus will blush because Black didn't use the terms to describe their relationship, Lily's disgust will be joined by Regulus' disgust, who will look at Severus with a quiet one:

"Why him?"

[arendelle-archives]

Arendelle Archives 4-year-anniversary countdown - 5/10

For part 5 in our 10-part anniversary series, I'm bringing back a discussion we had in our Arendelle Archives discord server in August 2024.

The chapter book Anna & Elsa #2 - Memory and magic (Erica David, 2015) is an early little treasure of a story. It contains one of my favourite Anna and Elsa-moments from any Frozen story. In chapter 5, Anna is confronting her sister about what happened the night she lost her memories. But after the two have a talk about it, Anna understands what happened. Elsa had decided to hide as a means to make sure Anna stayed safe 😭🥹

When re-reading this book, I came across THIS very interesting paragraph in chapter 8:

The queen had loved to fish with her family since she was a little girl. She was good at it, too. She was proud to pass on the tradition to her daughters.

Now, take into account that this book was written WAY before Iduna's past was figured out, but doesn't this sound like something she would have definitely learned together with her Northuldra family?

Next page brings up something equally interesting:

The queen was away visiting relatives.

For obvious reasons, when this was written, David would not be referring to Iduna's actual family but rather to some imaginary family members that are never seen or talked about again. Besides this comment about "relatives", I don't think Iduna's past was ever even hinted at before Frozen II (except in Once Upon a Time, of course). And given that F2 gave Iduna a background as Northuldra, the movie would have retconned any previous ideas any writer or editor might have had about her past. But WITH the context of F2 and more specifically the novel Dangerous Secrets in mind, does the comment from the book mean anything?

This is my interpretation:

The first paragraph about her being good at fishing is actually given a lot more (although unintentional) substance, as fishing was definitely something she would have learned with her nomad family. Not just as a simple leisure activity, but as a necessary part of her family's life. There are a couple of other stories where some emphasis is put on Iduna's love for the outdoors. Most notably in DS but also in the chapter book Elsa's icy rescue where she is shown to enjoy nature trips and where she "can't wait to put [her] toes in the water" of the fjord.

There is also the graphic novel True treasure where Iduna is seen taking the girls for trips through the woods (after the accident) and where Elsa says to Anna "you know how Mother was about nature--she probably thought every tree was the greatest for one reason or another".

Iduna's background with her nomad tribe sure starts to make a lot of sense. For the second line, how would she be able to visit "relatives" when we know she has no family in Arendelle? We need to remember that the memory that the book describes is told from young Anna and Elsa's perspective. They would only know what their parents told them. I believe this easily could be connected with their trips to the mist wall, or perhaps just be a cover story for some other important trip (would not be the last time).

According to Dangerous Secrets chapter 43, at this point in time Agnarr and Iduna simply sent a scout to check on the mist:

Now we were busy, ruling a kingdom, parenting two little girls. We did still send a patrol to the mists every six months, but they always came back with the same news.

But what if this was a rare exception? Maybe Iduna had felt she wanted to go this time? Of course, she had not told Agnarr her secret yet. Heck, Agnarr hadn't even told the girls about the mist yet! So, to simply say Iduna was away "visiting relatives" was a story as good as any to explain why she was gone temporarily. BUUUT, in a way, saying she was visiting relatives wouldn't even too far from the truth! As far as Agnarr knew, Iduna's parents were still trapped behind the mist. And as far as Iduna knew, it was her foster parents who were there!

Some alternate interpretations of Iduna’s trip that were suggested in our server:

She was visiting Agnarr’s side of the family, a visit he didn’t go on because of kingly duties

She was managing her windmill business

She was visiting the orphanage. She could technically consider them relatives because that’s where she lived for a significant portion of her life

She was visiting the trolls.

/Virtual Winter

[m1ssunderstanding]

i feel like john gravitates to people who are gentle, tender, and feminine-leaning but in a way where they willing to stand up for themselves and quickly shut down john’s bullshit. and i feel like paul likes people who don’t hold him to a high standard, gently push him out of his comfort zone, and who are trustworthy enough for paul to not be so damn controlling with. paul needs someone who will take the lead but in a way that is fully accommodating to paul’s own desires, making paul *seem* easygoing despite that fact that he is really the one in control…

I guess it depends, with John, on your definition of "gentle, tender". Because I don't think Paul or Yoko fit that description at all. Not to say that I think either of them was cruel toward John but they're far from the coddling type. John comes crying to Paul, Paul's going to be like "did you know you're actually fine? You have such a great life. Come on let's get to work." John comes crying to Yoko, Yoko's going to be like "I don't know what to do with you when you're like this. Go talk to the tarot reader or something." May and Cynthia seemed (and maybe Stu) to be the definition of gentle and tender. So maybe we're at a half and half accuracy there.

Then we get to femininity. ((((I'm far from the right person to be discussing this. I'm from a podunk town where me not wearing makeup, wearing pants to church, pursuing a career, and expecting my husband to take on an equal share of child rearing and housework make me stick out like a sore thumb. But then again that is like how many places were in the sixties so idk maybe I am the right person.)))) Cynthia and May obviously conformed perfectly to their assigned genders. I do think Stu performed a little more feminine with his open emotions and pursuit of the more delicate arts. But idk if that counts for anything really especially where John was into all that too so maybe Stu wouldn't be "feminine-leaning" in comparison. Paul is, emotionally, more traditionally masculine than John is. He was, however, very willing to take on female assigned roles such as doing housework and publicly appearing to take a back seat in leadership with John. So maybe that's what you mean by feminine-leaning? Yoko is like the least feminine-leaning person and John said multiple times he was attracted to her because of her masculine qualities. So imo John was "attracted to the binary" as Paul put it in his lyrics book.

As far as "willing to stand up for themselves and quickly shut down john’s bullshit" it's a little complicated too because while I definitely think Paul and Yoko did that, I think the case is much more difficult to make for May or Cynthia or Stu. So I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe that is exactly what John was looking for, but he was never able to find it in one person. Like if Paul or Yoko could've been gentler and more tender, or if May, Stu, and Cynthia would've had stronger backbones.

With Paul, I think you've got the first part right and that's part of why it didn't work out with Jane or Heather. John and Linda and Nancy are all very laid back people who help Paul balance the perfectionism he enforces on himself.

The comfort zone thing is tricky too because there was nothing gentle about John's pushing Paul to defy his father, take LSD, or whatever exactly he was pushing for that broke up the band. And Linda I think WAS Paul's comfort zone during their entire marriage. Not to say she was a doormat. They just happened to have the same general life goals and morals and when they did disagree they definitely fought but Paul usually got his way. Jane took Paul out of his comfort zone as far as silk handkerchiefs and "expanding his gregarious ambitions beyond the pubs" as Ruth put it. But I think even though he wasn't comfortable with it, he wanted that life badly and that's a big reason why he chose to be with Jane and he probably all but explicitly begged her to do that for him. So no pushing there. Heather may have pushed him into activism and he may have resented her for that I honestly don't know but it wasn't good. Nancy I think is another cool girl comfort zone wife for Paul.

Trustworthy is another one that I think depends on what you mean by that. The minute Paul stopped actively controlling John, he became a junkie who was also addicted to self-exposition, abandoned his child, got himself stranded in a foreign country, and tried his damnedest to lose his fortune to a predatory conman. Like. Do you know what that looks like if you take away John's money and fame? It looks like your veteran uncle using his disability payments to buy meth and getting kicked out of his dad's abandoned auto shop and getting married to the woman who constantly calls the cops on him when they're fighting. So. I wouldn't call that trustworthy. Jane and Linda and Nancy (maybe Heather idk) would never act like that, but Paul was still quite controlling with them because I physically don't think he can let go. I do agree with you that he would love to *seem* easygoing despite really being the one in control. And actually, that did happen with Linda now that I think about it. She got a lot of "controlling bitch" stereotyping. But I don't think that was because of their actual relationship dynamic, just society being like 'no man would actually want his wife in his band. I hate my wife. mccartney must hate his wife too, poor guy.'

Anyways all that to say I think I like halfway agree with you anon but I don't think I'm definitely correct on this point and I'd love to hear more if you think I'm missing something.

[primal--scream]

So like Buck and Eddie decided to put a bunch of Buck's stuff in storage while he's looking for a place, right, even though they both secretly hate it, but Eddie is like fine, whatever, and tells Buck he's going to help him pack except, Eddie is terrible at it, mostly because he hates the idea of Buck leaving, and he ends up unpacking more than he packs but Buck refuses to let Eddie help him in the bedroom, because you know, things. And so Buck is all, "Why don't you go pack the kitchen." All nervous as he's scrambling to collect his sex toys from under his bed and his bedside table and the six other places he's strategically hidden them. And just before he can seal the box up Eddie is there over his shoulder peeking into the box with a quiet "hmm," and Buck is all "Oh my god what are you doing in here I told you to pack the kitchen." And Eddie is like, "I'm helping." And Buck is all, "No." And Eddie kind of chuckles and says, "Buck we all have sex toys." So Buck kind of sputters and is like, "Yeah but this is different, because ya know.." and he gestures at the box because it's all anal beads and a suction cup dildos and various plugs and vibrators and it's not like Buck's had a girlfriend lately, quite the opposite, so..... Eddie just smiles at him and is like, "I know what a prostrate is Buck, you're not the only guy who has one." With that knowing little smirk of his and Buck just gives in at that point because his face can't get any redder so why bother and besides Eddie seems fine about it.

And while outwardly Eddie is all chill, inside he's like secretly having a high speed melt down because he couldn't help but notice one of the dildos was almost exactly the same shape and size of his own cock and he cant stop thinking about Buck using it which is turning Eddie's crank so hard that he has to get out his own toys. And its not like the idea of sex with a guy ever weirded him out or anything, but it was just all abstract and he's just never really thought seriously or specifically about it or wanted to try it...until Buck, and now he can't stop thinking about fucking Buck with that fake cock, which quickly leads to him thinking about him fucking Buck with his real cock. And all this finally leads to a VERY drunken discussion about which one is Buck's favorite because of course they can't be normal, and when Buck confirms that it is indeed that one, Eddie's brain helpfully thinks, wanna see you use it, except for how he actually says it out loud and now Buck has gone completely still next to him, his head slowly turning to face Eddie. And Buck is all, "What?" and Eddie figures welp its out there now so he just takes another shot and says "Wanna see you stretched open around it, bet you take so it well." Buck actually moans and then its game on. They're scrambling around, throwing clothes and sucking at each other's mouths until Eddie has him spread out naked on the living floor, his ass looking like an oil slick from the half bottle of lube Eddie practically dumped on him in his haste. And Buck is sosososo stretched out, pretty and pink from Eddie's fingers working him over relentlessly, and Eddie thinks next time he has to get his mouth on Buck, taste him from the inside, but right now Eddie has other things on his mind. And then he's sliding the dildo home while Buck moans like a whore, sweat dotting his forehead, body shaking because it's Eddie and he's gonna come without any help because clearly Eddie does know what a prostate is and he's hitting it head on every single time and Buck just keeps chanting fuckmefuckmefuckme and Eddie takes it as an invitation. So Eddie fucks him hard and fast and loud and filthy, they both end up with rug burns, covered in sweat and come, and barely managing to make it to the bedroom before Christopher is opening the front door, home early from his date.

Guess my porn-fu is back, kind of....

[jesncin]

since you mention doylist analysis, karl kesel didn’t write knockout as a predatory queer woman because she wasn’t confirmed as bisexual until years later by a different writer. in fact, given that her bisexuality came AFTER her introduction as an oversexualized predator, i think it’s fair to question the motivations for confirming her as bisexual in the first place.

giving female characters dignity and depth doesn’t take away from superboy as a character, but that point isn’t even related to the current discussion. knockout could easily be given more humanity, agency, and respect, WITHOUT deleting a key aspect of HER introduction— because abusers are, of course, human beings with depth and complexity. superboy completely aside, this is how SHE was introduced. does removing misogyny have to mean changing a character entirely? making her a better person, or more digestible? or in the case of tana moon, turning her into a man?

I'm aware Kay wasn't canonized as queer in her original appearances. But Gail Simone didn't get that reading from nowhere when she reimagined Kay as an explicitly queer woman. Knockout's bit was that she says horny one-liners while she fights, and that wasn't limited to men she was fighting. She flirted with women too. It may not have been confirmed at that point, but the way she owned her sexuality enough to flirt with anyone is more than enough to offer a queer reading. I personally believe it's part of how her sexuality is fetishized and dehumanized as an exotic, dangerous love interest for Kon. Regardless of Kesel's intentions.

I get that bi people being horny for everyone is a stereotype we can question and interrogate- but also maybe it's okay that some bi characters can be horny. Maybe we can have more than one bi character to shake things up. Again, thinking based solely on stereotypes just puts marginalized characters in boxes.

If y'all want to write Knockout as a fleshed out and complex abuser, go right ahead. I'm not interested in feeding back into the misogynistic and racist comics culture that SB94 draws from, I'm here to deconstruct and bring it back anew. How is it bad that I want to do something different?

Subverting, deconstructing and revitalizing old stories is part of what I like about cape comics. Many things we love about these characters were made in iterations and changed completely from their first versions. And sometimes that includes complete shake ups and flips on the characters. I see it's a common take in fandom that "it's not the character anymore/ do you even like them if you're changing them this much?" and my response is, if it's critically engaging with the source material in some way- then yes it's still true to them. It's an adaptation, no different from what people paid by DC are doing.

You talk about how Knockout was introduced as a predator, and how that should stay. But I can also argue that Ma'alefa'ak (foe of Martian Manhunter and one of my biggest projects on this blog) was introduced as a telepathic mind rapist and perpetuator of genocide in his first introduction. I studied Ma'al's history, how he's come back as character and came to the conclusion that the shock value rape aspects of Ma'al's story weren't nearly as resonant as the underlying ableism/overall marginalization that exists in his character. For Knockout and Tana Moon I've come to similar conclusions.

"making her [Kay] a better person, or more digestible? or in the case of tana moon, turning her into a man?"

When I redeemed Ma'alefa'ak, I would argue he turned into a more complex character. More complex than the basic evil "I'm disabled so I'll kill every able bodied martian ever" characterization he originally showed up with. I'd argue the same for what I have in mind for Knockout. If anything, the backlash to giving her humanity in spite of her history is proof of how less digestible just re-introducing her this way is.

And for Taonui Mun, I did not reimagine her as a man. She is a school boy in this au, so watch that adultified language when you talk about a young native brown character. But also- geez if y'all aren't willing to give me a chance to tell the story because you dislike these fictional female characters (who hurt your white boy) so much you can just leave. There's genderqueer plans for Taonui's relationship to reclaiming Hawaiian culture through his relationship with King Shark, and paralleling that with Magdalene Visaggio's pitch for a trans Kon El to make it intersectional. Because I believe a queer reading of SB94 shouldn't be limited to white characters. But you're clearly not interested in waiting that out.

[polyamorousmood]

i have a partner whom i love very very dearly, let me start with that. a friend of mine has been very obviously flirting with me and i might be developing something for them as well? how can i tell, how do i talk this over with my partner, i'm so scared right now -🌭

Hi there. Its incredibly overwhelming to be where you are. It feels completely like everything in your life is the verge of collapse, and fucking it up will leave you loveless and homeless and broken and hated and -- but it won't. Even in a worse case scenario, it means a bad six months, not a bad 80 years.

So the first thing you need to do is just breathe🌬️. Maybe things will change a lot because of this! Or maybe they won't! And you freaking right now won't change that one lick.

Calm down first. Sit with your thoughts and feelings a bit.

You can always ask your friend to lay off instead

Many monogamous people get crushes occasionally while happily partnered. You don't have to change anything if you don't want to

You can love or crush on someone and not date them - for many reasons. That is in fact incredibly common

You can survive fucking this up

You can build your life in a form of your choosing

I have had the luxury of really mostly having partners where I could casually say things like "I think I'm kind of crushing on X" without jeopardizing the relationship -- even when I was dating monogamously. If that's an option available to you, I have found that's a good way to test the waters without committing to a path, so you can make a more informed decision about how you want to move forward.

If you're pretty sure that would go terribly, then you can also be pretty sure any genuine discussion of polyamory would go terribly. Your choice then becomes if polyamory is worth your one relationship -- which is crushing, but a choice that is solely yours. Many of us have encountered that, and there's nothing I can say to ease that burden other than that we have all made it through that.

Hang in there, friend. Its gonna be okay.

[docholligay]

Anon, the way you worded the question is wildly inflammatory, so I'm gonna reword it here and try to answer it.

In brass tacks: Does it bother you when people hate the way you look at a show?

I mean, I am a human being and I have feelings, and sometimes they do get hurt. I don't do this because I am a person who doesn't like positive attention. It does sometimes upset me when people are not very nice about things. I want to play and have fun.

But I don't quite like positive attention enough to be untrue to myself, either. Also, that wouldn't BE me looking at what I'm going to call a text, but you can slip in anime, movie, whatever for the word.

A combination of having done this for a long while and also having a degree in literature has taught me that there will always be SOMEONE for whom the way you look at a text is incorrect, or not enough, or does not emphasize the right things. The larger the reach of the text, the more likely it is I will find that person. I have to sort of be okay with that.

I had a professor that once said, "The window you are looking out of is as important as what you're looking at." By the very nature of my own life experiences, education, personality, and culture, among other things, I am going to look at a text in a totally different way from another person, who is bringing their own collected experiences and ideas to the same text, and sometimes seeing it very differently.

And sometimes, people are very cool with that. The general appeal of what I do, I think, is to look at something in a way people may or may not have considered because it's all so new to me and I have no preconceived notions of how I am supposed to feel about anything.

Sometimes, people either don't recognize how much of themselves they are bringing to something, or how deeply rooted their own ideas are, and they get upset at me for not seeing something the same way. It happened with Utena. I am very very very sure it is going to happen with FMA. And some of this is "I watched this as a teenager' and some of this is 'this touches on something that I cannot look at with distance*' A small handful of it is, "I'm actually kind of an annoying person who can't be cool about pretend story time" but this is pretty minimal and many many people will come Back to Earth if you're like, "Hey we're discussing a 30 year old anime about magical space princesses."

To go back closer to the question you actually asked: No one in Utena ever got SO crazy that I decided to give up the show. There were a handful of close calls, mostly around how I did not like Nanami and you could not make me like her. But we made it. I hope, and assume, that the FMA group around here is cool enough that, if they don't like the way I am doing something to a serious extent, they will just leave. It's an old anime, and old animes tend to have older fans, and older people tend to have more distance about a 20 year old Japanese cartoon about military not-wizards. That being said, I know the FMA fandom is much more intense than the Utena fandom. So.

I also can always block people, but I do hate doing that.

*I have stuff like this too! There are things I will turn down because I know I will get wild about it and possibly bite if someone disagrees with me, because I have no fucking objectivity. That's absolutely no way to examine a text. For me. I do not want to be fighting people in the notes, that's not fun and it sucks, so I just turn it down.

[freyafrida]

rilla of ingleside, chapter thirteen

getting to the lusitania, here we go 😬

“But I will say that I would not have minded throwing a few stones myself. One thing is certain—Whiskers-on-the-moon said in the post office the day the news came, in the presence of witnesses, that folks who could not stay home after they had been warned deserved no better”

whiskers BAD pacifists BAD and that's why we should throw rocks at their windows

“Bruce Meredith is worrying over the babies who were drowned. ”

While Bruce is, as a character, super twee and unrealistic (kind of wonder what the purpose of him is? To show the effects of the war on innocent children who just Care Too Much? to make it a kind of 'out of the mouths of babes' situation re: sympathizing with the war effort?), I would be legit worried for him if he were a real kid. He's so distressed over world events he can't do anything about, and his parents make no effort to insulate him because ~that would be lying~ (and ofc in deep irony, half the stuff Bruce is losing sleep over is exaggerated anyway). Cannot say that I'm thinking Rosemary is much improvement over Rev. Meredith, as a parent. It's starting to seem like a miracle that the older Meredith kids are okay.

“You don’t expect me to ask her?” giggled Amy MacAllister, the other member of the committee. “Irene and I haven’t spoken for a hundred years. Irene is always getting ‘insulted’ by somebody. But she is a lovely singer, I’ll admit that, and people would just as soon hear her as Mrs. Channing."

Ayyy Rilla hanging out with girls her own age! I kiiinda get why we don't get much of her having friends -- the book is way more concerned with portraying all the various facets of the war and showing the heroism (heroineism?) not only from girls like Rilla, but also older women like Susan -- but after how detailed every stage of Anne's life is, it just leaves me wanting more of Rilla, you know? I also would have liked to see more focus on the generation that came of age during the war in general, instead of Gertrude and Susan tbh! (Again, I get why we don't, but lettuce discuss how this book could appeal more to me personally lmao.)

Also, occurs to me that in terms of like, how much on-page time they spend together, Rilla's closest friend her own age is Miranda Pryor. LOL.

“there’s even a big party coming out from town”

Town being...Charlottetown? I've always been under the impression the Glen is basically the largest settlement in its area (with over-harbor/Upper Glen/Glen St. Mary being the largest town?) but I guess given that none of those are actually large towns, it would make sense for Charlottetown to still be "the" town.

“I think Irene is the one who should apologize,” said Miss Oliver. “But unfortunately my opinion will not fill the blanks in your program.”

Realism :( Always horrendous to realize that what's right and what's practical are not the same thing. Rilla's reply is once more on the theme that she can't shirk doing things she hates, especially in service of the war effort (getting up a concert), when soldiers are facing the ~Huns.

The bit where Rilla apologizes to Irene is so good -- relatable, tbh (me gritting my teeth and writing "Thanks for catching that! I'll fix it right away!" in the work chat when the person who makes me review 10+ photo batches in per day is like "omg freyafrida there's a speck of dust in this photo!! can't believe you didn't see that!!") and I always love how Rilla is a lot tougher and willing to do what's necessary than she appears. (Honestly, very classic "I'll do it I'm just going to be dramatic about it first" which, same girl.) It's come up before, and I think you can see it again now, that Rilla's honestly pretty...chill, for lack of a better word haha, not prone to holding grudges like her mother -- e.g. she doesn't really let Ken's teasing of her get in the way of liking him (unlike Anne with Gilbert) and here, she pretty much moves on from Irene, accepts that she isn't a good friend, and gets over losing her friendship, even in the face of Irene being passive-aggressive to her.

Do agree that while I can see how she put on two different stockings, I don't know how she put on two different shoes (does she not keep her shoes in pairs?) and somehow walked the whole way to the Upper Glen without noticing her stride was wonky?

“Dear, dear, was Irene at feud with everybody? As for Una Meredith being hateful to anybody, the idea was so farcical that Rilla had much ado to keep from laughing in Irene’s very face.”

you: Walter Slur Mystery; me, an intellectual: Una-Irene Beef Mystery (j/k why not both). Always been curious about this given that everyone else and their mother thinks Una is an angel who's never fought with anyone! I've always headcanoned it as Una possibly being tired/slightly frustrated and maybe being a bit short -- not rude, but perhaps snippy -- with Irene one day and Irene taking it overly personally (also wouldn't be surprised if Irene just like, didn't like Una in general for being kind of plain and boring...and maybe didn't like her for having an in with the Blythes and Walter?). Also love the mention that Una plays piano -- grasping crumbs for character details, lol, but I do like the idea that music is her hobby, since she also wants music lessons really badly in Rainbow Valley.

“And Ingleside was a very charming house to visit, especially when a handsome college student like Walter was home.”

Curious that she's interested in Walter still -- handsome as he is, given how everyone is on his case for not enlisting, it's interesting that reputation-obsessed Irene would like him. (Walter Slur Mystery time: if it was a suggestion Walter is gay, I wonder if Mrs. Burr was, like, "helpfully" trying to warn Irene off since Irene does think Walter is handsome...although Irene is still interested in him here and seems to still think she has a chance if she hangs around Ingleside. That would support Rilla's belief that Irene might not even believe the rumor herself and was just trying to put Rilla down 🤔)

“There is only one thing of importance just now—and that is that the Allies win the war,” she said aloud.”

ok I just googled and the Triple Entente was apparently referred to as "The Allies" through WWI, presumably by their own side. Confusing since the other side was the Triple Alliance!! why would they do this to me, personally, a hundred years in the future

glossary:

Readying Rilla bits:

Draft originally mentions that Mrs. Channing's son is in Halifax with his regiment; Halifax is then replaced with "Kingsport". Pretty sure most people have speculated Kingsport is basically Halifax, which makes the decision to ignore the Halifax explosion later puzzling!

Re: the slur against Walter, it originally says "she [Rilla] could not utter what Irene had reported about Walter", which kinda reads more serious than the final version.

Irene's appearance: her hair is originally described as "golden", which is replaced by "pale, straw-colored" (can't be too flattering to the villain, lol), and instead of "extreme fashion", it's described as the "very latest Charlottetown fashion." ("shallowly-set, insolent" is also added to the description of Irene's eyes, lmao).

Cut bit after Irene says "and sing at your concert?": "She might as well have added, 'that is just why you are apologizing to me' for her tone said it for her. And the worst of it, from Rilla's point of view, was that it was quite true."

Rilla originally suggests "Millicent Arnold" (related to Fred?) to accompany Irene, before Una and Gertrude.

The entire paragraph about Rilla outgrowing Irene isn't in the first draft (it's inserted as a huge chunk in LMM's notes).

Rilla originally gives her full name as "Bertha Marilla Cuthbert Blythe" (muscle memory re: Marilla from LMM?)