#if you want people not to be scared of grisha have you considered: not making an army of grisha which is separate from the normal army

[grishaverse-chaos]

okay so our first hint that the darkling's "good intentions" were either a lie all along, or got corrupted somewhere over the several hundred (thousand?) years he's been alive SHOULD HAVE BEEN when he massacred hundreds of grisha at the little palace

like?? he really said "i want to protect grisha!!!!1!1!1!1!" and then slaughtered practically the entire second army

so y'all can say he had good intentions all along, that he wanted grisha to be safe, that his motives were good even if his methods weren't, that he wanted to make change and protect people - but let's fucking face it, all he really wanted was power, and the massacre at the little palace in siege and storm was proof of that

[stromuprisahat]

Alina fails to establish herself as a leader worth following

Siege and Storm- Chapter 13

Why would he? You're just some nobody deserter, who waltzed in as if she owned the place. Last they saw you, you were about to enter and destroy the Fold, then their leader's gone and hunted, more of their people murdered or forced to flee and they're kept hostage in their own home.

Alina headed from Grand Palace directly to Little Palace. Remaining Second Army Grisha are good as prisoners. How would they know they're supposed to kiss her ass now?!

I'm sorry, but did Alina forget to mention different tone of Sergei's question? Because this here reads like mere inquiry of a person trying to get a grasp on situation they're all in.

But of course, Alina's expecting a conflict, so that's what she'll get one way or another.

Touché!

Why is a teen boy with unfinished officer training the most reasonable person in the room? Sure, he counts as an adult, but there are older people with less sense. And apparently he anticipated Alina's new position. If that doesn't spell promissing higher-ranking soldier, I don't know what would.

That's a perfectly good question, Alina.

Either she's forgetting to mention his tone again, or she's hellbent on seeing Sergei as some annoying pest, who deserves to be disregarded.

Sergei has a point once again. I'm beginning to see why he trained for a higher position.

Alina cannot stand being challenged (Now, that it's finally happening.). Instead of soothing their well-funded fears, she's getting angry. And something tells me she's not a person with a firm grip on her emotions...

Again, Alina's pretty focused on viewing Sergei unfavourably.

... and Alina confirms she's completely unfit for the position, if her reaction to challenge is immediately aggression.

She should've answered Sergei's initial questions, soothe his worries, address his pretty fair points- that's what a leader does. It shouldn't come to shouting, AND she should've kept her barking dogs on a leash. THEY'RE HER GUARDS, NOT SPOKESPEOPLE! If she cannot control three guards and possible deserter, how can she expect obedience of a large group of justifiably scared and confused people?!

Words, words, words.

A girl, who just almost killed the lot of them claims their life-long protector's evil, and only SHE can attest to it. Of course they'll follow her now. You don't argue with a psychopath. You don't try to convict a violent madman of their delusion. Certainly not when they're holding a knife.

(For someone, who insists the Darkling ruled through fear, she sure makes a show of avoiding "his" methods.)

What about starting with "The Darkling used the Fold to destroy Novokribirsk."? Power means nothing, if used incompetently.

... or I will have you in chains. Honest at last!

I am a soldier. Since when?! LOL

And how does that have anything to do with the obedience she requires from them?!

Chance makes it sound as if Alina were their saviour. Sure, she believes it, but considering her demonstration a moment ago and the rest of her speech, "option" would be more fitting.

It's understandable Alina's emotional! She almost ~murdered~ someone!

Yeah, but if she wants to lead, she'll have to learn to FACE her fuck ups, not run blindly from them, leaving others to fend for themselves and deal with the consequences...

... and that's almost untrained Alina with two amplifiers and a few dozens disobedient minions.

Now make it three and a whole country. I'm sure she'd make much better ruler than the Darkling could ever hope to become. Kind and peaceful...

On the other hand, it would be amusing to watch from safe distance.

[bookishdream]

flame

Matthias girlies, this one is for you <3

Matthias didn’t know when he fell for her. She was awfully sarcastic, even when the situation was serious. She was laughing louder than any girl in Fjerda ever did. But she was always there for him, when he needed her. After the Ice Court mission, when Kaz and the gang rescued her from the prison, she understood him like no one ever had. When Matthias was waking up from one of his recurring nightmares, she was the first one, who he sought. One night, Matthias knew he fell for her, and the thought scared him, because he was supposed to kill her kind; hunt them, so their criminal tendencies wouldn’t put normal people, his people, in danger. But one of these nights, when the dream was so vivid, he realized that she was his person, and there was no turning back from that. 

They were hiding at this cemetery, whose name Matthias couldn’t care less to learn. After their seldom successful mission, Kaz was planning how to get Inej out of Van Eck’s imprisonment, Jesper was sorting out issues with his father and Matthias was trying to bury his feelings, deep down with the corpses already inhabiting the grounds that they were on. 

“Are you okay Matthias?” He hated how polite you were. Every time you asked for his permission when you wanted to touch him, or clean his wound that he got from punching the gravestone. And you’d never used your powers on him. For a Grisha, you weren’t using your powers much, and Matthias had never paid attention to the reason why, hell, he didn’t even know what kind of witch you were. “You seem lost in your thoughts.”

“I’m fine” he snapped, regretting it seconds after when you flinched at his tone. He let out a shaky breath, noticing how he could actually see his own breath. Then he took a note of you shivering. Matthias took one of the moldy blankets that Kaz brought there a few days ago, and wrapped the material around your shoulders. 

“Thanks” you let out a weak laugh. His chest filled with a sour feeling, despising how he couldn’t help you more. He considered wrapping his own arms around you, and sharing his warmness, but he didn’t expect you to appreciate the gesture, after his awful treatment. “I wish I had my powers back” you murmured. 

“Back?” he questioned, sending you a confused look. You chuckled at his face, rubbing your ice cold hands. 

“In the Ice Court, they were torturing me to the point, where my Inferni powers just…” you trailed off. Matthias looked at you, your tangled hair, your bloodshot eyes and the dark circles under your eyes. “I don’t know what exactly they did, but I cannot even make a spark.” 

“Y/N” he whispered. You raised your eyes at him, sending a bolt of energy down his spine. “I am so sorry”

“It’s okay, Matthias” you took his hand. He could feel how cold your palms were, putting his other hand on the top of yours. “You weren’t there”

“Might’ve as well could be” he was still whispering, scared that if he raised his voice, you’d stop talking. “Those were my people that did this to you. That still do this to other Grishas”

“You cannot change this, love” his heart swelled at the term of endearment leaving your mouth. “You���re no longer like them Matthias, you have changed”

“But I cannot erase my past”

“Indeed, but you can change your future.” He didn’t know when you got closer to him, when your other hand was holding his forearm, when only one turn of either of your heads would lead to unbelievable things. “You’re better than them”

“Do you really think so?” his voice was full of hope, his eyes were locked with yours and he could see little flames burning in them. 

“Well, you did save me. Doesn’t that make you a changed man?”

He couldn’t wait any longer, his lips were on yours faster than he could think of the repercussions of his actions. Your lips were cold, and neither of you were moving, waiting for someone to do the next step. You took out your palm out of Matthias’s hold and when he thought you would move away from him, you placed your hand on his cheek, pulling him even closer. He sighed straight in your lips, and kissed you, this time harder. One of his hands was squeezing your waist, under the blanket and you shiver at the feeling of his cold, rough fingertips, touching your bare skin. The second one was on your neck, caressing it. The forgotten blanket was pooled around you, creating a nest. When you parted, your breaths were mixing and your lips were swollen, but both of you were smiling at each other. 

“You have flames in your eyes” he said, placing the blanket around your shoulders again. You smiled at him, embracing him. 

“And you have a flame in your soul, Matthias” 

[jackwolfes]

I would love to start writing grishaverse fics but I'm worried about not getting the characterisation correct. I've started with a modern au, which was maybe not the best plan considering it's probably harder to keep the dialogue in character when they're not in their normal setting. Any words of wisdom? Since you seem to be so inherently good at nailing all of the crows 😅

your point on AUs is interesting because 1) i am a big big AU writer and 2) i know some people insist that AUs are always automatically less in character which is just emphatically not true and is often times good old fashioned pretentiousness

but i would say that the key thing to AU writing is understanding the characters in their entirety, as well as how their character changes depending on the situations they're in, and adjusting accordingly. i run into this problem all the time with wylan! so in AUs where his entry into the barrel is entirely different i have to reevaluate how like, scared for his life he'd be basically, and how that changes how he relates to other people

for another example - the way matthias changes as a character in SOC is tied to how far away he is from his (for lack of a better term) cult, paired with the love he is met with from nina and the evidence of "goodness" from grisha (jesper & kuwei). so then that becomes: what is the au equiavalent of the druskelle? how long has it been since he's left them? how long has he known nina, has he met jesper/kuwei, has he had closure yet against brum?

i also think it's suuuuper important with AUs to remember that in the books they are all teenagers and all act like teenagers. if you're writing aged up AUs, certain ways they act will necessarily be different - ie all of them, at one point or another, think way too highly of themselves and/or act like immature gits that don't know how feelings work: if you're aging them up you'll have leeway to temper them a bit. interestingly i think the netflix show does this really well, with wesper especially - wylan isn't flushing constantly when jesper flirts with him because he's already a sexually active adult, etc. it's an interesting case study wrt how to age characters up and keep the essence of who they are

anyway i have wildly different confidence levels for the different crows so don't like, take this as gospel, but if you're interested i jotted down a few of the key things that i keep in mind about each of them below the cut:

mh

matthias is funnier than anyone gives him credit for. he doesn't always mean to be but comedy + matthias = winner

if you're writing early matthias: he is scared and lost and angry. he is in a new country he does not know the language of, freshly betrayed by someone he was never supposed to trust, and kicking himself for being stupid enough to "fall for her tricks" (while also being so profoundly in love that he is angry all over again that he is still "being tricked")

if you're writing later matthias: he is just. fucking. trying. he can see that there is something hopeful on the horizon and has realised that he wants it and will do what he can to make steps towards it. i really like writing matthias as clueless but well meaning, where he's a bit thick about a lot of things but really wants to do better! like your cishet uncle at christmas who is REALLY trying to get your pronouns right because he knows it means something to you but just doesn't have a grasp of how they work, yknow?

his faith is SO important to him, especially as the series goes on and he starts doubting everything. when he's in fjerda he's embedded in it but when he's in kerch, it is the literal only thing he had keeping him going. when he joins the crows, he clings to it as if to prove to himself that not everything he learnt was entirely wrong until he can reconcile religion with loving grisha

wve

if you aren't familiar with the signs of autism, research them. once you have, congratulations! you now have a guide to writing wylan van eck.

wylan is infinitely meaner than anyone gives him credit for. i dont mean snarky, i don't mean bitchy, i mean MEAN. early on, he says some fucking savage things without any real consideration for how jesper feels because he just fundamentally hasn't had real kindness from anyone in so long, which means he doesn't know that he doesn't have to expect cruelty back.

he does not want to be doing anything illegal. he'll do it but won't fucking like it - except he will also at the same time be very prideful about what he's doing. so he'll do it, and won't fucking like it, but by god will he do it well and make sure everyone around him knows how clever he is. he doesn't brag, exactly, but he WILL be smug and will not skimp on theatrics when needed.

the thing that made wylan click for me was someone saying that he is not SHY, but he is RESERVED. at no point is he really actually timid. he gets flustered, and fear/anxiety for his life is fucking rampant, but he is at no point shy with his opinions. he just refuses to show his whole hand and is very much like kaz in this respect.

early wylan is just having the worst fucking week, all the time. like every day is the worst day of his life: he's tired, hungry, scared, anxious, belittled, lonely. a part of him genuinely believes that he'll be able to go home again, which makes him resentful of the how bad his life in the barrel is.

underneath all of this wylan is still a profoundly hopeful character. i think one of the most interesting things about him is that he has an unhindered belief that the world is at it's core good, even though it also has bad things in it, and a fundamental unwillingness to settle for other people's cynicism. he's not stupid, he's not deluded, he's barely even optimistic, but throughout the series he genuinely does seem to believe that there will be a happy ending in some way or another.

jf

if you aren't familiar with the signs of adhd………….

jesper to me is just doing his very best to get through life without feeling any negative emotion ever for any longer than he has to. much like matthias, he is lost and scared and angry - but instead of channeling this into a pseudo-facist military cult he tries to stop feeling the bad feelings as quick as he possibly can. he has learnt that bad feelings = the worst, and the way to deal with that isn't to embrace them to understand them and move on [because he has also learnt that "bad" means "should be hidden"] so he tries to not feel them at all. he does not dwell on his mother's death or his father's insistence that a beautiful part of himself is a curse. he squishes it down and tries to cover it with gambling and flirting and anything else that'll get him through - except those coping mechanisms always make him feel worse, which he tries to bottle up and cover with a joke and a smile…... etc etc etc

to emphasise: when he covers things up, he does so in the biggest, boldest and most public ways as if that'll prove to everyone else, as well as himself, that he's fine. he doesn't shut up, he's a snarky asshole, and his whole thing is that he refuses to stop moving because stopping let's the bad feelings catch up.

he is both incredibly cynical and incredibly optimistic, which is a strange juxtaposition to get your head around but makes him really interesting! he's described as having "reckless optimism" and an insane hope that everything will pull through - but so often when he talks to wylan he is utterly jaded about wylan's way of seeing the world.

jesper doubts himself and his talents fucking massively. whereas a lot of the other crows are almost too confident about their abilities to do things, jesper doesn't really put stock into his talents! and this again comes down to the fact he has fundamentally not taken the time to learn and understand why he has the talents he has, and only gets to that point at the end of CK.

ig

inej to me is just very teenage girl, by which i mean: she is funnier than anyone gives her credit for, she likes to be right, she crushes on idiot boys [and gets annoyed about it] and truly cherishes her friendships. she is a TEENAGE GIRL, not an all-caring insightful mother figure, and when she supports her friends she leans on them in return just as heavily.

related to that she is also infinitely more like… proud than people give her credit for. this is also similar to wylan IMO but inej takes great care in whatever she does, and while doesn't necessarily try to get all eyes on her, she DOES want the people she's manipulating to know that SHE is the one in control of their fates. but for all she holds power over other people and the next steps in her life [which is key re: taking control and autonomy of her life in the aftermath of her assault and displacement] it is always chased with the knowledge that at the end of it, her saints have the final say and final power.

i think it's also really important that she just does not believe herself to be a good person. like she doesn't, but she's making peace with that and spends a lot of time trying to atone for that by making the world better than she found it.

nz

nina is a notoriously hard character to get right [and also i haven't read king of scars so can't comment on anything but how she's written in SOC/CK] but one key thing about nina that i think jumps out is that she is just. tired. she's so tired by the start of soc because she does not like life in the barrel. she doesn't even like ketterdam! she fucking hates it! she's doing what she has to to find matthias but does not WANT a life in the barrel. her key goal and motivation is to fucking skip town as fast as possible.

it's also key IMO that she has had a very similar upbringing to matthias. it's very easy to see his indoctrination, and i wouldn't say that the ravkan's are quite as bad as the fjerdans considering ideologies and tactics, but as the books go on nina very much discovers that the way she was raised [taken from an orphanage without a say, raised to be a soldier, told to never question anything/step out of line/consider an alternate view] was also not great, which is why she decides to leave and make change on a local level

nina doesn't really hold back what she thinks, especially when she's upset with someone: she will just tell kaz someone they're being stupid straight to their face.

related to that, she is just low-level irritated at kaz for every waking moment of the series

kb

he's not mean, but he's a sarcastic fucker and incredibly blunt about the truth of things. he genuinely does not care about hurting other people's feelings [key with wylan tbh but seen with all of the other crows]

he doesn't volunteer information if he can help it: he likes to have the upper-hand and the last word, but will never show all of his cards until he is absolutely 100% without a doubt certain he's won something

he would rather be shot in the head than show true vulnerability [see: the "who is jordie" conversation]

that bitch loves a grand gesture. he doesn't have a love language so much as he only knows how to express his feelings by doing things for people [see: buying his crush a big boat]

[whisperfeather]

‘Hange, I’ll give you permission to talk to the girl. But under no circumstances are you to scare her. Keep things professional.’

Hange sat back down in their office with a bit stupid grin on their face.

A human from outside the walls, and they would get to meet her! It was like a dream come true for the titan hyperfixation scientist.

They took out a paper and some ink to start writing down on a little slip of paper; wanting to diligently track what would go down.

‘6:23 AM: I am currently writing this from my desk. I want to have a sheet of paper or two in order to write down and document all of my findings! We have as of yesterday found a human being that claims to have survived amongst titans! This could really help humanity, and we can learn so much about the titans!! I know my official meeting with this girl is hours from now but I can’t get my mind off of it. After all, a good scientist is always thinking, preparing for their next big piece of work!’

It was safe to say Hange didn’t sleep the night before out of pure excitement; which wasn’t out of character for them. And even so, they weren’t tired at all that day.

‘9:57 AM: the meeting is about to happen in just minutes! I just can’t wait to meet this special specimen!’

‘10:05 AM: I was honestly expecting a more.. intimidating appearance? But nothing ever ends up how you expect in this line of work, so it’s no big deal. I’ve already gotten her name down. I'm not exactly sure how much she will be willing to share, so I’ll just have to write down what I’m able to get!’

‘10:30 AM: she finally spoke! Her voice is very quiet, it fits her name perfectly! This girl claims her name is ‘Whisper Feather’ which I already knew. It is a strange name but nothing in this situation actually makes much sense. After that she went quiet again. But she’s giving me little nods! I’ve gotten some nods to my questions. What I’ve gotten so far from her is that she doesn’t exactly know the amount of time she has lived and isn’t sure about her exact age. She does know her whole life was spent outside the walls, and has no knowledge of what the walls even are. This is truly something new, considering the only other documented case of a human outside the walls was Grisha Jegar, and even he knew what the walls were and how dangerous titans are! I have to assume she can’t be quarillated with him in any way, though it’s a good thought to keep in mind.’

“So, Whisper. You claim you lived with a titan, correct?”

The frail girl gave Hange a nod but nothing else, staying silent as her good eye remained focused on the floor. She seemed fearful, her body language tense. Hange quickly scribbled down it seemed as if she felt intimidated and or scared of people. It made the scientist wonder what she has been through.

“Wonderful! Do you have any clear memory of this titan? Is it what caused your scars?”

That question quickly caught the young girls attention as she snapped her head up to look right back at Hange with wide eyes.

“W.. What..? Why would Mara hurt me like that..? She would never..”

Whisper seemed distraught by the mention of someone even thinking this ‘Mara’ titan could cause her harm. Which was something Hange also quickly noted down.

‘10:45 AM: I think I found some sort of breakthrough! Whisper won’t talk much about anything unless it has to do with this ‘Mara’ titan. It seems like a good starting point. Though I want to pry about her scar and also the fact that titans are known for hurting people, I don’t want to scare her off or shut her down. So for now, I will stay open minded. I'm sure Levi will have all of that scolding and teaching down for her anyways. Whisper told me vague things, such as ‘16 meters’ ‘blonde’ and ‘skinny’ which isn’t too much to go off of. But it really is something considering how little she speaks. It’s hard to keep myself professional right now, this whole thing is so exciting! But the commander gave me specific instructions to not scare her.. so I have to hold my feelings in for now. I'm sure Molbit will listen to my rambles once I’m done.’

‘11:06 AM: my session with Whisper Feather ended not too long ago. I wasn’t able to get much more out of the girl but by god did I get more than enough! Hopefully she liked me, because me and her are going to be working together a lot from now on.’

.

.

.

‘8:34 PM: I wanted to go check up on how Whisper was settling in for the night. She had to be kept hidden away from others in an isolated room in order to keep others safe and keep her existence hidden. I peeked in a bit ago only to find her curled up on her bed, clinging onto the pillow. It seemed like she was crying and it takes no genius to tell she’s in a horrible headspace currently. I went to try and talk to her but she was unresponsive. I hope she gets some rest.’

[starlingsrps]

when i first saw you.

the princess neledinsky invites anna to a poetry reading and george accepts for her and cancels a hair appointment before she can even consider the invitation. it’s important for her to spend more time with her future sister in law, george says when she asks. eugenia is part of the intellectual set at court and it will do her some good to be around her and her friends. after all, she needs to use her brain more - she won’t be young and pretty forever, he says, wagging his pen at her with an indulgent smile as though she’s misbehaved. when that happens, she’ll need something to offer the empress to stay in her good graces.

besides, she can have her hair done any time. it looks fine now.

eugenia neledinsky doesn’t like her but anna knows it’s futile to try and make george understand that. she and his wife are dear friends and maria has few things to say in anna’s favor beyond her use to the family. george seems to think that they all

just need to spend more time together but after eugenia had called her a bit of fluff to her face at a dinner party, anna had wearily put down her weapons. there’s surely an angle in this invitation but she sends her apologies to her hairdresser and asks her maid to find her something intellectual and sober to wear. 

she feels plain when eugenia comes to walk with her and maria to the salon and feels stupid by the time they arrive. she wishes she had her armor, such as it is. she isn’t as well read or clever as eugenia and maria but she’s at least usually better dressed than either of them. she’s certain that she last wore this dress for a church service during lent and it’s hard to feel confident (or at least fake it) when she doesn’t feel comfortable in her dress or wedged next to maria and eugenia.

the former gives her a sharp look. “anna, if i wanted someone to squirm like a child, i would have liberated grisha from the nursery.”

the comparison to her four year old nephew stings but anna folds her hands neatly in her lap and gives her a tight smile. someone is slipping into the empty seat next to hers anyway - her fantasies of biting back will have to wait for another time. 

the man jostling to sit next to her has much longer legs than hers and even though she tries to discreetly fold herself out of the way, there’s still barely enough room for both of them. she catches a glimpse of waving, unpowered dark hair and an apologetic smile but before he can speak, the poet for the day takes the floor and anna finds a new depth to her misery. monsieur cigrand is a favorite of maria and eugenia’s, a dry and dusty creature who meanders through the courts boring people half to death with painfully descriptive poetry and eating them out of house and home before slinking off again. she’s always found him tedious and his work overwrought but maria and eugenia insist it’s because she’s unmarried and knows nothing of passion. not wanting to be marched to the altar any faster than planned, anna keeps it to herself that she knows enough and still finds that cigrand makes the act of sex sound unpleasant enough to scare off the most seasoned of whores. 

his voice is booming enough that she risks a sigh. in response, she hears a huff of laughter from the man next to her and a quick, admonishing hush from maria. she’ll never hear the end of it now which means she’s in for a lecture from george in the near future but she can’t help it - it’s boring.

and agonizing. monsieur cigrand goes on and on for what feels like forever but anna isn’t brave enough to crane her neck to see what the time on maria’s dainty watch pin says. she already has strikes against her so, as much as it pains her, she keeps her ears trained on the oration and her back as straight as possible. when it finally ends, eugenia and maria flit to his side and anna allows for another sigh.

the man sitting next to her leans in slightly and anna catches a whiff of clean linen and sandalwood. “is he always so-“

anna darts a quick glance towards eugenia and maria to be sure they’re still fawning. “vivid?”

“grotesque but that’s far kinder.” his french is clear, if a bit overly correct and slow as though he’s still learning. “theodore hawke.”

he’s standing now and even when he bows at the waist, he’s still taller than her. most people are, anna finds. he wear his hair short and his clothes are simple and dark but his eyes are friendly. she bobs her head in acknowledgment - this must the new english poet she’s heard has arrived. it would explain the opinions on cigrand and awkward french. englishmen never bother to learn russian and her majesty prefers french all the same. “anna-“

“anna petrovna,” eugenia hisses, beckoning her to join her and maria.

she gives him a tight smile and another nod. “if you’ll excuse me, i’m needed elsewhere. a pleasure to meet you.” when she stands he offers her his hand and while she doesn’t need it, manners have her taking it all the same. 

“would you like an escort?”

he doesn’t drop her hand right away, only letting go when she glances down at it with raised eyebrows. she hadn’t meant it as a deterrent and regrets it, chooses to smile up at him. “if you’d care to be bored to tears, i’m happy to make the introductions.”

[rose-bookblood]

Yeah, you can clearly see she grew a lot between the trilogy and SoC! While reading R&R I noticed how it seems like a sort of prelude to the duology, with the banter-y group dynamic.

Personally, I doubt I'll ever get attached to the trilogy characters as I am to the Crows, but I definitely bonded with them more in my reread. And Leigh Bardugo is just great at writing realistic characters, so even if I'm not gushing over them, I still appreciate them.

I've also grown fonder of Malina as a ship. The first time around, I was pretty indifferent toward them, but this one I found myself really enjoying their scenes. They're no Kanej/Helnik/Wesper, but imo they're cuter than people give them credit for, especially in R&R.

I so agree about the Darkling apologists! He's literally based on Leigh Bardugo's past abuser, so you'd think people would get he's horrible, but no! The books make a point of saying that his trauma doesn't excuse his actions, and then the fans do exactly that. I have nothing against people who like the character as he is or ship Darklina because they like the concept, but I do find it messed up when they try to justify the Darkling or say that he didn't abuse Alina (and that somehow the real toxic partner is Mal? Deranged).

I have the same opinion on the ending. While Alina loved her power like all Grisha do, it's not something she actively wanted, and it got her tangled in so much stuff she'd always wanted to stay away from. She and Mal running the orphanage together fits perfectly with what was established about their characters and is just a very sweet ending, of them coming full circle and offering other orphans a better childhood than they had.

Maybe hot take, but I think part of the general dislike for the finale stands in the fact people believe a woman can only be considered 'accomplished' if she's powerful. For them, Alina can have a satisfying closure only if she's ruling Ravka and the Second Army, even though that's all she's ever tried to escape from.

It's not like I hate the CK ending, but it also leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Matthias's death has always seemed a bit random to me, and I guess maybe that was the point, but I still wish it was different. I do look forward to knowing how my opinion might change after I reread the duology!

Tbh I'm kinda scared of reading KoS?? I'll definitely do it after my SoC and CK reread, but I've seen so many negative opinions (and also got the Darkling's return spoiled, which 1) was annoying and 2) made me think maybe the negative opinions have a point).

Rereading and rewatching is so cool, honestly! It always reminds me just why I like that thing so much, and you discover new layers you'd previously missed, like foreshadowing.

Hi, Morri! I'm sorry about your mom testing positive, hope it's not serious <3

If you'd like, we can chat a little about books and stuff!

I know you've Six of Crows (my beloved), but did you also read the Grisha Trilogy? I've been rereading it and I'm currently about 2/3 into Ruin and Rising, and I'd forgotten how much I liked it. SoC is objectively better in terms of writing, but I think the trilogy is a bit underrated, and—big unpopular opinion—I personally prefer the trilogy's ending to CK's.

I'm in a big phase of rereads and rewatches, as I'm also rereading Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall, one of my favorite romance novels, and rewatching the rewatchable. Currently hyperfixating on Disney Channel telenovelas (as demonstrated by all the shitposting lol), but I'm also about to rewatch Attack on Titan for maybe the millionth time and The Dragon Prince, so I can then watch the fourth season.

Hi Rose!!

I have read the Grisha Trilogy!!! I actually own the whole grishaverse, hehehe. (Including the trilogy as a boxed set.)

I agree with you that SoC is better written. I actually have said before that it's like Ms. Bardugo took a few years off and learned how to become a 20x better writer. Not that the trilogy is bad, cause it isn't. But I feel no attachment whatsoever to Alina or Mal. (The only person I really care about in the trilogy is Nikolai. And also David.) (also people continually forgiving the darkling for so much horrible shit so fast and shipping him with a teenager grosses me out.)

Ah yes, the ending debate, lmao. I like the ending of the original trilogy!! I've seen some people who don't, but I think it's really fitting. Alina never wanted to be pulled into all that shit, and she deserves her happy ending. Plus, she can make a difference in kid's lives, which is awesome.

However, I do also love the ending of CK. Not the death, but I do think that the ending it well-written, and overall fitting for the story. Like, it fits. It's not a happy ending, but it's a bittersweet one, and I love it for that. It fits very well with the story as a whole, and the foreshadowing / details surrounding it blow me away every time I reread it.

Have you read King of Scars / Rule of Wolves??? If you haven't, I won't talk about them, cause I don't wanna spoil you, but I have some Opinions about that ending. (though I love 99.9% of that duology, and there are parts that made me lose my shit (both positive and negative) in a way even SoC never made me do.)

I'm also a big fan of rereading and rewatching things. (as evident by the fact that I just bought a copy of a book I've already read 5 time, hahaha.) I've seen some of my favorite episodes of TV shows 5+ times, and same with reading some of my favorite books.

[thebadgerclan]

Threat

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Requested by Anonymous

Summary: The Crows receive a threat...

Kaz, Inej, Nina, Matthias, Wylan, Jesper, and you were instructed to gather in the common area of the Slat for a debriefing.  What on, you weren’t sure, but your fiance’s tone was clipped when he’d told you all.  After you’d changed after the job, you’d descended the stairs, bracing yourself for whatever horrible news was coming.  Kaz intercepted you, and when he did, he let his can fall to the floor, pulling you into his arms and clutching you to him.

“Woah,” you said, nearly losing your balance.  “Kaz, honey, what’s wrong.”  He didn’t answer, but held you tighter, his breathing shaky.  “Later,” was all you got, and after a moment, your fiance loosened his hold on you, limping to the common area.  You followed him, and when Kaz took his seat, he pulled you into his lap, his arms snaking around you.  This was unusual for two reasons: Kaz preferred to keep this level of affection behind closed doors, and sitting in your finance’s lap usually aggravated his leg.  But Kaz didn’t seem to care, and when you tried to shift away, he whined and pulled you closer.

The rest of the Crows filed in, varying looks of confusion on their faces, and they sat.  “So,” Jesper said, his arm draped around Wylan’s shoulders.  “What’s this all about?  We’re not usually debriefed.”  Kaz inhaled sharply before speaking.  “I was ambushed today on the way back.  Threats were made, very specific, credible threats, and I don’t want to take any chances.”  Nina sat up a bit straighter.  “What threats?”

He was walking one second and flat on the cobblestones the next.  There was a dagger to his jugular, and Kaz focused on remaining still.  “I’ll say this once and only once.  Keep your asses off Razorgull territory, or we’ll cut the skin from your pretty little fiance’s body with that Suli trash’s knives and turn it into a coat.  And that Heartrender you keep around?  We’ll carve her heart out and feed it to the Fjerdan.  Oh, and your demo man?  Consider his intestines garland for your pathetic house.  Hmm, I suppose your Zemini could be useful.  We’ll have him make the caskets before we kill him.”

This wasn’t the first time another gang had threatened his Crows, but they were general enough.  Most people knew Kaz ran with a Suli, a Fjerdan, a Zemini, a demo man, a Heartrender, and you, but that was common knowledge.  But the assailant’s next words chilled his very soul.  “I think we’ll use Sankta Lizabeta first.  Those rose etchings will look so beautiful filled with blood.  Then, I think we’ll take those shiny, pearl handled guns, load them up, and shove the barrel against your precious demo man’s temple.  Do you think he’ll cry for Jesper?  Or maybe his mother, Marya, is it.

“Your Suli’s blades will do nicely to take your Grisha’s heart, poor thing won’t even be able to fight back, after her fight with parem.  I know Fjerdan culture says wolves are sacred, but do you think the disgraced drüskelle will eat a witch’s heart?”  Again, all things a devoted assassin would know, but then, the assailant continued.  “Top floor, second window, Schuyler lock.  I know where your fiance sleeps, and I promise you, her death will not be pleasant.”  He then spoke details that no Razorgull should know, things that proved that whoever this assassin was, he was more than capable of carrying out his threats.

Kaz relayed this information to his Crows, all while keeping a tight grip around your waist.  He was scared, you could tell, and you kissed his temple and laid a hand on his cheek, hoping to soothe him.  “My point is, this is a credible, real threat, and we need to take it seriously.  The Razorgulls have been after us for a long time, and now they seem to be in a position to strike.  And I will not let the ones I love the most get hurt.”

“Aww, you love us?” Jesper said, and Wylan slapped his arm.  “I care about you, yes.  So for the time being, nothing gets said to anyone outside the 7 of us.  Absolutely nothing.  Radio silence, understood?”  The Crows nodded, and Kaz stood, lifting you into his arms.  “I’ve had your beds and personal effects moved to different rooms.  The Gulls know where we sleep, and we’re not going to let them keep knowing.  Blackout curtains have been hung as well, do not open them, under any circumstance.”

And Kaz turned and left, carrying you up the stairs and into what used to be Inej’s room.  Your bed and trunk had been moved here, but the walls were still decorated with Suli maps and Inej’s tastes.  Your fiance set you down long enough to change clothes before lying down and pulling you into his chest.  “I will not let anyone hurt you, or my Crows,” he said, kissing you deeply.  It was a needy, urgent kiss, and you deepened it, trying to convey the love and trust you felt for Kaz.

“I know you won’t, Kaz,” you whispered, one hand on his chest, his heart beating rapidly beneath his sternum, the other on the back of his neck, keeping his lips on yours.  “I love you.”  “I love you too, Y/N, no one will hurt you, I won’t let them.”  You only nodded, kissing your fiance again.  “If anyone comes near you, I’ll kill them.  I will protect you, my love, Y/N, I promise.”  Again, you nodded, knowing Kaz’s words and actions were to comfort himself as well as you.  But you felt little fear.  If Kaz Brekker said he was going to protect you, then you were safe.

[sakurashell]

Hidden Desires

Please reblog if you like it.

Content: enemies to lovers, neighbors, modern au, season 4 Eren, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, a little fluff, mutual pining, Eren is mean.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x (fem)reader

Word count: 11.0 k

Summary: you and Eren have known each other since you were little, but you never really got along and he would always let you know just how much he despised you. What if you were both just good at hiding?

Content warnings: nsfw and dark content; verbal abuse; manipulation; toxic relationship; explicit language; smut: (spit kink; cheating; choking; dumbification; dom eren; size kink; creampie; degradation kink; praise kink; dirty talk; nipple play; mouth fucking; cunnilingus; fingering; overstimulation; orgasm denial; hair pulling; slapping.)

author's note: this is the first story I write and post here on tumblr, so I hope it is to your liking. I'm planning on posting stuff here from now on because I have a lot of ideas and I'm sure they will get appreciated here, that's why I decided to create my own blog. English is not my first language so I would appreciate if you guys could tell me when something's wrong, and also please give me your opinion on the work, it's important to me. Hope you like it <3

You were never good at making friends, let alone keeping them. You were never too smart, too beautiful, too athletic, too extroverted, quite the opposite of all these things actually, but you never paid it any mind, at least not unless he started to make you notice. You had known him all your life, your parents were friends since high school and yours were his dad's patients too now, given that he was a doctor, and a hell of a good one too.

Grisha had saved your life back when you were four and a weird pneumonia had almost killed you, you could safely say you wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the fact that he had immediately sensed something was out of the ordinary. If he hadn't noticed right away, you would probably breathe without a lung now or be attached to a machine in a hospital, which would eventually end with your parents deciding to end your suffering.

You met Eren soon after you recovered from all of it, because his parents had forced him to come to your house and introduce himself to you, claiming that a good company was very much needed for the little boy. If there was something you two had in common, it was definitely the fact that he too wasn't good at approaching people, although it was for different reasons.

You were too scared of rejection to ask a kid to play with you or be your friend, too afraid they would make fun of you and also too introverted and anxious to even try at all. Eren on the contrary wasn't afraid at all, he just thought pretty much nobody was worth of his time, because he had always seen the world in a different lighting since he was little.

You almost feared the way Eren's brain worked, even when he was a kid he would think in a much more mature way compared to the others, and for as much as it made you curious, he didn't seem to be impressed by you either. He was always playing alone, while you watched him silently from your window hoping he would come and ask you to join him, but it never happened, not spontaneously at least. When his ball entered your open window once, he had to knock on your door and ask for it back, so your parents had used the occasion to tell you to go out and play with him.

You were six back then, and still nothing had changed two years after you had met him. You could read it on his face, the disgust, and it made you sick to your stomach but you couldn't deny the offer your parents had made, because you didn't want them to be disappointed in you. You played together for an hour maybe, before he told you you weren't good at it and you said you were sorry for it. Every day after that was spent the same way, considering that both yours and his parents were sure you enjoyed playing with each other, even if it wasn't for more than an hour.

You stopped playing with the ball at fourteen, which was the period his parents started to stop by your house for dinner every sunday, and force Eren to stay in your room while they were preparing the food. He was always quite, and you were always nervous. He was an attractive kid, and if it wasn't for his arrogant ass you knew he would have all the pretty little girls at his feet, if he didn't already. He never paid any attention to you, never complimented your hair, your dresses, your first attempts at makeup, nothing.

You thought it was because he just wasn't the type to do such things, you didn't want to admit to yourself the possibility he could actually just hate you and find you annoying, so one day you gathered some courage and just asked him.

"Why won't you ever talk to me?" you had asked, and he had scoffed in response before giving you an actual answer.

"Because you're boring, and we have nothing in common. I could never be friends with someone like you." and then you spent the rest of the night trying not to cry at the table.

You didn't understand what was wrong with you, and you didn't know why he had decided you didn't have anything in common when he never bothered to ask about the things you liked in the first place. Did he know you liked the ocean? Did he know you liked dreaming about travelling around the world in a camper? Did he know you liked rainy days more than sunny ones because you had an excuse to stay at home without people bothering you about it? Did he know you wanted to work as a hostess to have the opportunity to always be up in the sky? Did he know you knew a lot about the universe because the books that talked about it were the only ones you liked to read?

He didn't, and he didn't even care about knowing it, because you were irrelevant to him. You were sixteen when you had your first fight, because he found you looking at a book in his room without his permission and he had lost his mind.

"I'm sorry Eren, but I had the same book and I noticed the cover. I didn't want to go through your stuff." you had said, lips trembling because you were scared to hear what he would say in response.

"I don't care, keep your fucking hands to yourself. I don't even want you in my room to begin with, and if it weren't for my parents I wouldn't even talk to you." he had ripped the book away from your hands as if they were filthy.

"What did I do to you? I just thought it was cool we had something in common after all, why are you so angry?" you didn't understand his intentions, but it was pretty clear he wanted to be as far from you as he possibly could, you just couldn't accept it yet.

"I don't want you to think we share something, we don't. You're fucking annoying and the sole sight of you makes me nauseous, no wonder you don't have any friends. Now get the fuck out of my room." he wasn't even screaming, he just looked annoyed and his eyes seemed dull.

You wondered if he knew the pain he had caused you over the years, because it absolutely didn't look like it and you were trying to convince yourself he wouldn't have said those things if he was aware of the storm they would create in your mind. He had influence over you and your thoughts, and you didn't even notice it until you found yourself crying in the bathroom a month after your argument, tears streaming down your face while you tried to convince yourself you were just having a normal breakdown and not one over the words he said or the way he treated you.

Truth was, you were bothered and frustrated by it, but you would go to hell before admitting it, so you just kept going and pretended to be unfazed by everything he did or said from that moment on. So now you were eighteen, a full woman with different desires and different ambitions, and Eren was no longer a major factor in your life, or so you thought. Reality was, every time you saw him park his car and enter his house with a girl whose name still remained a secret to you, you felt absolutely horrible.

Stomach twisting and heart racing, blood pumping in your ears and you tried to tell yourself it was just because you found the sight of him absolutely terrifying and not because you were somehow jealous of the blondie keeping him company every single day. You never saw them kissing outside, but you figured it was because he didn't want you to see and know about his business.

You hated the way he had grown to be even more attractive, broad shoulders and a lean figure, accompanied by mid-length brown hair and jaded eyes that glanced at your window any time he saw your shadow, if only you knew. Honestly, the hate and the frustration you felt were reciprocated by him, and he despised how good you looked now, it made him laugh that you probably still considered yourself ugly or not worthy.

It made him laugh, yet it made him also want to yell at you for how stupid you were for wasting your potential that way and thinking so poorly of yourself, so he just left it all to your - again - awfully stupid excuse of a boyfriend or whatever he was for you. He knew he couldn't say anything to you, he had always treated you so bad and was probably the reason of a lot of your insecurities, besides you two hadn't talked in months and he didn't know anything about your life anymore.

He was aware he had been the one to tell you to let him alone, but he hated the thought of other people having some sort of power over you, of not knowing who your friends were, who you were fucking, who you were seeing. Not only that, but he wanted to have an influence over you, you couldn't just ignore him like that, it made him feel angry and irrelevant and he knew he wasn't, not for you at least, because he saw the way you still looked at him from your silly window.

He knew he looked good, and he knew you hated it because you could never admit it to yourself. He wanted to make you crumble, see your lips tremble again because of him, he wanted to mean something to you, whatever that could be. He needed to have a place in your life again, even if you didn't want him to or he had made you think otherwise, so he was going to take it.

Eren was a lot of things, stubborn and passionate being the features that stood out the most amongst the others, and he was always able to take what he wanted, he was going to do the same with you this time; so when you went out to wait for your boyfriend to arrive and pick you up - since he had promised you a dinner together considering he never had time to see you, apparently - he was waiting for you on the bench you would usually sit on.

You thought about it for a minute before sitting beside him, but you didn't want to act childish and you didn't want him to think he had the power to bother you somehow, so you sat down and whispered a shy "hi".

"Waiting for your boyfriend?" he asked, and you would see his smirk if only you wouldn't be so stubborn and turn your face to look at him.

"Yeah." there were words lingering on your lips, but you decided to keep them for yourself for the moment.

"I never see him a lot around here, does he give you enough attention?" he was talking like he was speaking to a little child, elbows resting on his knees while he kept his face up with the palm of his hand and observed you.

You tensed up, he could see it in the way you were stumping rhythmically your foot on the ground, while your hands moved up and down your thighs, rubbing against your skin, uncovered because of the little cute white skirt you were wearing. You considered lying to him, but he was in no place to ask that question to begin with, so you thought it was better to remind him that instead.

"I don't think it should concern you, it's none of your business." and he scoffed. He fucking scoffed. Did it really come so natural to him? This all 'making fun of you' thing?

"Sounds like he doesn't. Poor princess can't even get her boyfriend to treat her right? What a shame, you really didn't change after all." he spat out like nothing, words like venom entering your brain and making it stop working.

Why was it always so easy for him to find the right way to hurt you? It was as if he knew you like a book, and he just had to rip off the right pages. Or like you were his voodoo doll or some shit, and he always pocked at you with a needle where he knew would hurt the most.

"I did change. I no longer have time for your bullshit, Eren. I'm tired of this." well, if he thought you were going to run away crying your eyes out, then he was most certainly wrong. Now you were even facing him, eyes narrowed while you scanned his stupid face and he grinned.

"Tired of what? Me telling the truth and you not accepting it?" he spoke like you were stupid and he had to make sure you understood what he was saying, and it fucking bothered you.

"You're not telling the truth, you're just being an asshole because that's the only thing you're good at." you were fully angry now, talking through gritted teeth while trying not to go any further.

"Yeah? Looks like your boyfriend's not any less of an asshole than me, considering that you've been here for twenty minutes already and he hasn't shown up yet." he chuckled, shrugging his shoulders before leaning over the bench with his back.

"Maybe he's taking his time fucking someone less boring than you, and he'll come here right after just because he pities you." he turned around again, teal eyes looking at you. "Can't say I wouldn't do the same." and he smirked.

You couldn't say much this time though, he had hit all the right spots and you hated him so much for it. You had the feeling your boyfriend had been cheating on you for a while now, and his delay that day didn't help your suspicions at all. Still, Eren's words hurt for a reason much more personal than the all cheating thing, because he made it seem like it was your fault, and you already had too much on your plate to overthink again about yourself, but Eren had always been good at reminding you just how useless and worthless you were.

You didn't have much of a comeback for him this time, he had only helped your insecurities resurface and you didn't want to risk start crying right in front of him, which was probably what he looked forward to, so you swallowed your pride and got up, not saying a word to him on your way back to your house.

You heard a "Guess I was right" before opening the door and leaving him behind once you were inside, and you finally took your time to call your stupid partner and ask him where he was. He preceded you though, because as soon as you were about to click on his contact and call him, your phone lit up with a notification.

babe, I'm so sorry but I can't make it today. Busy day at work, see you tomorrow.

And you just knew it was an excuse, you knew it yet you still answered with a 'don't worry, see ya' because you were in no place to start that argument at that precise moment, when Eren had already played his twisted games on you. Still, the emotion that oppressed you more than sadness at that point was rage, pure and genuine, and you felt the need to go back to him and make him pay for all the sick things he had told you during the years.

A part of your mind tried to suppress it, and you spent a good two minutes taking deep breaths and holding your purse tight, but every time his face flashed in your mind, it made it more difficult for you to keep your cool, to the point you decided to go back to him, hoping to find him outside.

And there he was indeed, manspreading on the bench with a cigarette between his lips, relaxing under the chilly sun of April. It made you so mad, seeing how unfazed he was, it made you want to destroy that apparent peace, made you want to see him upset because of you, so you got close to him again and threw your purse beside him, before positioning yourself right in front of him.

He raised his eyes to look at you, taking his time to observe your expression and he could just tell how mad he had made you, and it made his body shiver in a pleasant excitement. He smirked at you, extinguished his cigarette with his foot and stood up, towering over you with his stupid face, hands in his pockets. Even his posture made fun of you, it was hilarious, really.

"What's wrong? The princess broke up with the prince?" he tilted his head slightly, a fake pout on his face.

"Stop calling me princess, and act like a fucking adult. You think you're all that, but you're just a cocky piece of shit who needs to put other people down to feel better about himself, am I not right?" you were the one grinning this time, and you must say, you quite enjoyed talking back to him after years of absorbing his shit.

"And even if we did break up, that would be none of your goddamn business. You spent years talking shit about me and suddenly you wanna know what happens in my life? Fuck no, go back to your blondie Jaeger." you were too busy assaulting him with your rage filled words to notice immediately what you had said, but he wasted no time.

"My blondie you said? You mean Historia?" he laughed after a second, looking at you with pity.

"You know," he started, getting closer and placing one of his long fingers under your chin "I see you every day, looking at me from your little window" he was lowering his voice dangerously now, his nose just inches apart from yours.

"I know you're obsessed with me, you've been since we were little kids." he moved his digit from your chin to the apple of your cheek, tracing it down to your neck right after. What was going on?

"I'm not obsessed with you, stop touching me." you placed your hands on his chest, trying to increase the space between you two, but your shaky breath and your high pitched voice told him otherwise. Reality was, you couldn't believe Eren was this close to you, touching your face like that while you tried hard to keep your composure under his taunting gaze.

"Then why are you always watching me, mh? And why did you even bring Historia into this if you don't know anything about us?" he had you trapped, and your mouth was beginning to feel dry because of his hand shifting from your face to your wrist, keeping it in a grip while your hands were still on his chest.

"I always see her with you, thought she was your girlfriend, that's it." there was nothing wrong with assuming he would be in a relationship with the girl who's always entering his house, right? But again, you were just confirming the fact that you did look at him from your window. Was it a crime though?

"Nu-huh, we just fuck from time to time." he shrugged his shoulders, like he had just said he was going to buy some groceries.

"Seems to me like you fuck every day." now it was just your rage talking again, but you couldn't keep quiet forever, could you? It bothered you, knowing he was in fact fucking someone else, even if you had already imagined. You felt stupid for having this constant need to feel appreciated by him even after years of him treating you like shit, but you couldn't keep your feelings in a cage forever, and you knew that.

"Why? Does it bother you princess?" he was laughing at you again, bringing his face closer to yours while keeping your hands firm in place.

Was it the way he smelled, the way his collarbone was exposed and tempting, or the way he looked at you and talked to you that made you feel so incredibly...aroused?

"Of course not, I don't care who you're fucking or how much you do it." you were sure you looked at least partially convincing, but he saw it on your face and heard it in your voice, the way you were oh so clearly lying to him.

"Don't lie to me, it's so obvious when you do it." he was testing you, a lopsided smile plastered on his face. You didn't want to confirm his thoughts and play his games tho, so you took a step back and detached your hands from his chest.

He was quick to grab both of your wrists this time, and bring them right where they were again. He laughed, because you had just proven his point and you also knew damn well you didn't mind the situation you were in, yet you hated yourself for it.

"He's not coming, is he?" he whispered in your ear, hot breath fanning over your skin and tickling it.

You gasped at the proximity, trying to find the strength to answer as he smirked at your vulnerable state, you were molding under his gaze, his voice, his hands.

"Why do you care?" You asked it because you didn't want to give him the satisfaction to know he was right yet, but you were also yearning to understand just why he was so curious with anything concerning you or your life. You were craving for a positive answer from him, even when deep inside you knew you weren't going to get it.

"No particular reason. I just think it's funny." he shrugged his shoulders and looked down at you, searching for a reaction.

"And what's so funny about it?" raising your brow, you tried to give him the same energy back, but Eren knew he was going to win the game, and you were probably aware of it too.

"It's funny how you tried to forget about me with someone like him, you could have done better." his voice was lower, hoarse and haunting you. Your whole facade almost fell down in a second at his words, but you were capable to pull yourself together immediately. After all, that's what you had done for years when it came to him and your feelings.

"Don't be so full of yourself, I could never like someone as shitty as you." you spat out, teeth gritted together as you held his gaze.

He chuckled in response at your bravery, moving his hand only to trail his knuckles over your cheek, "Oh but you do, you always have." he smiled softly, as if he was talking to a dumb little kid, "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me, or how you got in that pretty red dress every time you and your parents came to have dinner at my house just because I liked the color." you opened your mouth immediately at his statement, desperately looking for something to say and deny his words, but your breath got caught up in your throat.

"I enjoyed it, you know", he moved a lock of your hair behind your ear, lowering his head a little. "seeing you getting all dressed up for me, it made me feel special." you couldn't find it in you to stop whatever he was doing, cause you were finally getting some recognition from him and it felt too good.

"I even liked your books, and the stupid bracelet you made for me, I still have it." that had been your mom's fault, forcing you to make Eren a pearl bracelet when you were fourteen because she knew you liked him and thought that was going to bring you guys closer. It didn't of course, he had taken it just because your mom was right there with you when you gave it to him, but it was also true that he had never told you anything bad about it, you just thought he had thrown it away.

"Remember that time you kissed Armin when we were seventeen? I stopped coming to your house right after." he looked more serious now, his hand was still on your shoulder while he waited for you to answer. You just nodded in response, not sure of where he was going with the conversation.

"I stopped cause I was jealous. I knew it was your first kiss, and the fact my best friend was the one giving it you fucking bothered the shit out of me, even if it was a stupid game." you didn't understand, didn't even know why he was telling you all this in the first place. Didn't he hate you?

"What are you saying? You treated me like shit, you can't be serious." brows knitted together, you were trying hard not to crumble and keep your cool, but years of rejection were coming down on you like a stone and he was telling you he actually..liked you?

"Stop messing with me Eren, I don't have time for this." you were practically begging him, although it was with different words. You were begging him to spare the last tad of dignity you had left, begging him to leave you alone and let you start over again with someone else, let you forget about him and everything he had said to you. You took a step back, then another one when he got closer again, and raised your arm to keep him distant.

"You told me I was annoying, boring, told me you didn't want to have anything in common with me." your lips were beginning to tremble, you knew what was coming next and that was why you wanted this to end quickly.

"Shit, you told me the same thing not even twenty minutes ago, remember?" you closed your hands in fists, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Said my boyfriend was fucking someone else, and that you would do the same if you were in his place." you knew damn well he remembered, but you had to be sure.

He seemed to be looking for something right to say, because he was carefully studying your face and your body language, deciding he could do a little more. "I wasn't lying, I really think he's fucking someone else." he took a step toward you, testing the waters.

"As for the last part," another step, you stayed still. "that was a lie." you couldn't move, couldn't keep your eyes off of him. "And I never found you boring, nor annoying for what matters. I was just stupid and couldn't face my feelings." he muttered, and it was like the ground beneath your feet had suddenly disappeared, leaving you to fall in the immense void underneath.

You couldn't believe what he had just said, couldn't trust him and didn't want to, because you couldn't risk him playing with your heart and tearing it apart all over again like it was fucking paper. You hated him for it, hated him for having all this power over you, while he suppressed a smile because he knew he had hit the right spot. However, Eren wasn't lying, he was seriously admitting his feelings towards you, just in a more sadistic way than most people are used to.

He liked seeing you so confuse and worked up because of him, because of his words and his voice and his look and his smell, he was aware of the fact no other guy could make you feel the way he did, especially now that he was giving you the appreciation and recognition you had always wanted from him. You felt stupid for the sense of satisfaction that was invading your body, from head to toe, mind and soul, but you also felt angry, and that's why you closed the last inch that separated you two and furiously hit his chest.

"You are a fucking piece of shit!" you screamed and he couldn't lie, you had caught him a bit off guard, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. "You knew I liked you, you fucking knew it and you treated me like I was garbage for years!" there were tears wetting your cheeks now, but you didn't notice and you wouldn't mind even if you did.

"You and your stupid ego ruined everything, you ruined me for god's sake!" he let you hit him, figured it was the right thing to do and something he deserved after the years spent degrading you. Then you stopped, grabbed the fabric of his thin shirt in your hands and leaned your head over his chest to avoid looking at him.

"I tried so hard to be good enough for you, I wanted you to like me." you were a whiny mess, crying against him yet still holding onto him. He placed his hand over your head, stroking your hair without saying anything. He had you again, wrapped around his fingers and crying for him. He didn't enjoy the fact you were hurt, but he did like knowing he still had so much power over you, and he just had to make sure you wouldn't let anyone else see you like this.

"I wanted my first kiss to be with you, wanted my first time to be with you." your voice was lower, you were basically whispering. "I hate you, I wish I never met you." you raised your head and looked at him. The mascara had stained your skin, your lip gloss was gone and your eyes were still watery, lips swollen because you had bitten them in frustration. You looked fucking beautiful.

"If you have to be with an asshole then I'll make sure it's me." he smiled mischievously, and if it wasn't for the fact you didn't believe in that kind of stuff, you would have thought you had damned yourself by falling for a demon. "No one else can treat you like this, no one else can make you cry." he brushed his thumb under your eyes, then moved it to your bottom lip.

"Forget about your stupid boyfriend, you were mine from the start." he grabbed your jaw, made sure your gaze was fixed on him while he told you who you belonged to. Your mind was spinning and you felt so dizzy you were convinced you were going to pass out sooner or later, you didn't think what was happening could be real.

You were aware of the fact he had you trapped, from the first moment you two had met, and he was aware of it too. Likewise, you knew that you would leave your boyfriend right away if it was what he wanted and if that really meant you were finally going to be with him, but how could you trust him so quickly? He had made fun of you for years, and it was probably what he was doing now, he just wanted to prove to you that erasing him from your mind and your life was just impossible.

You were being so stupid, so dumb for even taking your time and listen to him as if he was going to actually take care of you and make up for all the times he had made you feel like shit. You didn't want to give in, yet you knew a part of you already had, although you did want to put up a fight first, to not make it easier than it already was.

"I need to go back home," you tried to be calm and collected, but your lips were still trembling and Eren could see it. "'s too much, i'm sorry" you weren't sure what you were apologizing for, but he softly moved his hand away from your face and put it back in his pocket, giving you space by taking a step away.

"My parents are away for the next three days, and I'm staying in tonight," he started, voice much more gentle and sincere than before, he was damn good at this. "you know where to find me." instead of leaving you there, he watched you until you were back to the front door of your house, and you gave him a last look before entering it.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

It had been two days since your last discussion with Eren, and you still hadn't figured out what you needed to do. You were spending time doing chores and all types of homework while trying to make some peace inside your mind, but his teal eyes kept haunting you and deep inside you knew you didn't want them to go away and leave you alone again.

On the other hand, Eren had constantly checked his phone and your window, hoping to find either a text from you or see you looking for him from the glass. But he didn't, your window was covered by the curtains inside your room and you hadn't sent him anything. He wondered if he had gotten it all wrong, if he had miscalculated something and he wasn't going to get you back as he hoped, but then his cocky attitude never failed to convince him you were going to knock on his door at some point.

Your boyfriend (or whatever he was at that point) hadn't answered to your texts since the previous morning, and you knew he was probably going to find a lame excuse for it, but you didn't care anymore. Your relationship had ended a long time ago, longer than you'd want to admit, and the situation with Eren had only confirmed it wasn't right to keep it going, so you were most definitely going to break up with him during the week, or as soon as he messaged you back.

You felt almost sick when you got up from your bed and took a look in the mirror, face bare of makeup and only a big tshirt covering your body. You wanted to see Eren so bad, wanted him to tell you again that you were his, and you were from the start. You wanted him to appreciate you, inside and out, wanted him to make you forget about everything else and fulfill your hidden desires, you wanted it so much.

That's why you suddenly got ahold of yourself, brushed your teeth and fixed your hair, put on a lacy lingerie set and finished the look with a large sweatshirt, because you didn't want him to think you had worked hard on it, even if you had. You dwelled over it for a moment before actually gathering the courage to grab your keys and walk to the other side of the road. You hoped he would be alone, and you almost decided to escape when he didn't open the door in a few minutes after you had rung the bell.

But there he was, wet hair caught in a messy half bun, usual chain hanging from his neck over his simple shirt, and he was wearing a pair of shorts under it. "Sorry, had to put something on before opening the door." he smiled at you and invited you inside. You hesitated only for a second before going in, nervously fidgeting with your fingers. Why was he so pretty?

"I thought you were gonna party tonight, it's saturday." you stated, following him to the stairs without saying nothing. You remembered the house, and you were still able to recognize the smell too, so you were aware he was taking you to his room. It was nothing serious tho, Eren was doing it spontaneously, as if you had never stopped going to him every weekend while your parents would stay together in the living room.

"Wasn't in the mood." he shrugged his shoulders and answered quickly, placing his hand on your lower back to guide you to his bed. That wasn't usual at all, and it enhanced the change in your relationship and probably gave you a good reason to think he was being honest all along, if you thought in a more naive way.

You didn't trust him, not at all, but your mind needed you to believe him, to compensate for all the years spent mulling over how you could possibly become someone he would like. The only thing you didn't know, was that he had actually been honest all along, even if his intentions didn't have the sole purpose of making you finally aware of his feelings, even if it had helped him boost his ego again and gain his higher positions in your life back.

They weren't pure intentions, that was for sure, but he wasn't lying to you, not in the slightest. You knew he could be shitty and selfish, and he had no shame in confirming it; you knew he had treated you like shit in the past, and he didn't make excuses for it except telling you the reason behind it. The only thing you lacked at the moment was the trust he needed you to have to believe the feelings he had towards you were real, even if in a twisted and sick way.

You lacked it, yet there you were, sitting on his bed while he stood in front of you, looking down at you and trying to split your mind open with his eyes just to see what you were truly thinking. "Your room's still the same." you commented, glancing at the posters of bands on his wall and the globe placed on his desk, books lining up on it and pencils neatly put in a black holder. Under the desk there still was place for his playstation, placed on a shelf with the games all tidily standing in chronological order beside it.

Eren had always been a tidy person, that was the only thing Carla couldn't argue with him about. His room was black and white, simple and neutral, and it somehow perfectly fit his persona. He still kept the book he read for his own pleasure on his nightstand, and surprisingly enough, the bracelet you had made for him months ago was right next to it, white pearls shining with the muffled light of the room.

"Yeah, and I bet yours' still messy." he had a playful smile on his lips, and his words made you chuckle. It was true, your room was a mess, and it was ironic too. You looked calm and collected from the outside, never suddenly bursting out and always keeping things to yourself, but the mess in your head was reflected by that of the room you slept in every night. Eren had his fair share of messy thoughts and perplexities, he just had a different way of copying with it, and that consisted on keeping his stuff extremely tied up because he needed to have control at least on his surroundings.

"It is." you confirmed, lowering your head to look at your thighs. How was this supposed to work if you didn't even know how to talk to him in the first place?

"I thought you weren't going to come." he was the one to bring it up, lucky you, but now you either had the chance to lie or tell him the truth. Things could get shitty both ways, so what did you really have to lose at that point?

"I wish I hadn't, but I needed to see you." you made sure he was aware of your internal conflict, you didn't want him to think it had been easy for you to choose to see him after what he had done to you.

He almost opened his mouth to tell you he was sorry, because he never really had, but he figured he would have time for that, he was convinced, and that was because he intended on keeping you by his side this time, and fix all his mistakes one by one.

"Why?" you still weren't looking at him, and the lack of eye contact made him frustrated, given that it prohibited him from observing you and your reaction to him and his words. So he lowered himself, knees still not touching the ground and legs spread open, feet holding his weight as he tilted his head to find your face.

You were at the same height now, and there was no possibility of escaping, except exiting the room of course. He lifted your chin up with his fingers once again, finally obtaining what he was looking for. You knew what was coming, knew that if you told him the actual reason you were there - without sugar coating it as you previously did - he was going to probably humiliate you til the end of your days, and you would feel so embarrassed you couldn't even go out anymore.

But you had been the one to knock on his door, you had been the one to put on a lingerie set for the occasion, and you were the one wanting more. "I...I don't know if I should believe you," you started, and you swear you would have made yourself more little if only you could. "I need you to show me." it was almost a whisper at that point, but Eren caught on your words easily.

"Show you?" he wasn't stupid, it was clear in your voice and your face what you meant by that, but he was testing the waters to make sure he wasn't just assuming things, and also gaining some satisfaction in seeing you flustered like that for him.

You were playing with your fingers while Eren kept his under your chin so you wouldn't escape his gaze, and you bit your bottom lip before continuing. "You told me to forget -," you hesitated when he moved his other hand to your knee, fingers brushing against it to ease you and make you more relaxed, but he was only making your situation worse. "- told me to forget about my boyfriend, cause I was yours from the start." you reminded him, but Eren didn't need it.

He remembered his words perfectly, however he didn't want you to stop, so he only nodded, observing the way your eyes would glance at your knee from time to time. "I want you to show me I'm yours, make me forget about him." you stated, your intentions clear as a day. His eyes changed almost immediately, teal color shifting to a darker shade, a smirk plastering on his lips.

He trailed his fingers from your knee to your thigh and you gasped, you fucking gasped just with that and he thought he was going to lose his mind. "How?" he was a little a shit, that was no surprise to you, but if he wanted to tease you like that then you were going to put on a good show for him, make him understand what he had missed during those years.

So you let him keep his hand on your thigh, while the other one moved from your face to do the same and your fingers grabbed the hem of your sweatshirt. You slowly lift to raise it a bit and uncover the lower part of your stomach, leaving your panties completely exposed to him. He took a deep breath when he noticed the lacy, black fabric protecting your most sensitive area, and it was see-through too.

You looked at him just for a moment before finally completely removing the only piece of cloth you had put on, and you thought he was going to eat you when you literally noticed his pupils dilating, tongue licking his lips as he took in every inch of your body. "So," he finally spoke, looking up at you while his fingers began to trace the waistband of your underwear. "is this all for me?" he felt his cock already growing harder just at the sight of you all pretty for him.

"Yes." you affirmed, and he had to clench his jaw to remind himself to take things slow, because he wanted to savor the moment. He grinned at you, squeezing the flesh of your thighs so hard you knew he was going to leave bruises where his fingers were, but you didn't mind. This was his sole chance of redemption, and you could bet he was not going to waste it.

He brought his lips to your left knee first, leaving a kiss there, and then did the same on the right before positioning himself right between your legs, spreading them a bit more to get comfortable. You were shaking in anticipation, breath stuck in your throat as you observed his movements, your hands gripping his sheets while you waited for him to torture you.

"'m gonna make you feel so good you won't even remember his name." he muttered against your thigh, sinking his teeth in it without hurting you. In all honesty, his only presence made you entirely forget about the guy you were supposed to be with, and you didn't care because you knew he deserved it anyway. You couldn't even bring your mind to think about him, every thought of yours was filled with Eren, and only him.

His touch was intoxicating, his breath inebriating and his voice taunting, everything about him made you lose your fucking mind and reduced you to a mold of flesh ready for him to use at his own pleasure, except Eren wasn't going to be selfish this time, not for now at least, because he wanted to give you something you had never experienced, wanted you to enjoy it so much no other guy could ever make you feel the same way.

He wanted to focus on you, so he started to gently place kisses along the skin of your thigh, moving up until he reached the core of your arousal, cunt already throbbing at the sight of him in between your legs, ready to give you what you deserved. He left a light kiss on your pubis, still covered from your panties, before bringing his hands to your shoulders and gently pushing you a little down.

"Lay down for me." he ordered, watching your back meeting his mattress as he went back to focusing on your pussy. He dragged his hands down your stomach, then trailed his fingers to your hips and gripped them, observing the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin at the intimate contact. It made him smile almost unconsciously, seeing you already so worked up for him, made him feel special.

You gasped again when his warm mouth suddenly made contact with your cunt, and he stuck his tongue out to give you a taste of what you were going to feel, let you imagine how it could be without your panties limiting him. He could feel your clit against his tongue, and started pocking at it while you began to let out the cutest little whimpers.

"Look at you, already so needy.." he observed, and his voice sounded so dangerous you almost felt like you were really being haunted by him, and maybe that's what it was. He used two fingers to move your panties to the side, taking in the amazing visual in front of his eyes, cunt glistening with juices and it was all because of him. He collected the slick with his digits, spreading your folds in the process to take a better look as your hands gripped his sheets harder.

"Eren please -," you whined, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to forget about the embarrassment that was washing over your entire body. He looked up at you, grinning at the sight and brought his fingers to your mouth, using his thumb to open it and then roughly shoving them in.

"Be a good girl and suck them for me, taste yourself." he pushed them a bit deeper inside, and didn't remove them until you had sucked them clean and only left your saliva on them. You let them out with a 'pop', daring to look him in the eyes in the process and made his dick harder because you were fucking teasing him, but you weren't going to win and you both were aware of it.

"You wished it was my cock huh?" he scoffed when you shyly nodded at him in response, and abruptly put one of the fingers that were previously in your mouth inside your cunt. You let out a moan, pretty lips parting as you closed your eyes and enjoyed the moment, while he took his time to memorize the way you were reacting and the 'o' shape your mouth formed whenever he would curl his finger inside you.

He added another one, right after bringing his tongue back in the game and starting to circle your clit with it, sucking it and spitting on it. He loved the sounds you made, loved the way your back arched and your hips bucked against his hand, you were such a needy little thing.

"I wanna play a game," he raised his head to look at you, stopping his movements entirely but leaving his fingers in you. You waited for him to finish his sentence, trying not to look too desperate while doing so. "want you to be quiet while I fuck you with my fingers and my tongue." and he curled them again, teasing you and making you squinch at the gesture, your hand immediately covering your mouth to prevent you from being loud.

"Nu-huh, hands on the bed." he ordered, shaking his head. You silently complied, while his free hand moved to your back to unclasped your bra, finally freeing your breasts. "Make a sound and you won't cum, be quiet and I'll let you." he said, pinching one of your nipple and tilting his head to the side to enjoy your reaction. He grinned when he saw the way your fingers were gripping his sheets much harder than before, your bottom lip caught in your teeth and your breath heavier.

He resumed his actions, bringing his tongue to your bud again and sucking it, while his fingers pumped in and out at a steady pace. His eyes were fixed on you, but yours were close to avoid looking at him and making it more difficult for you to keep your mouth shut. You were bucking your hips against him again, and you would lie if you told yourself that wasn't the most difficult shit you could go through.

You were doing so well, too well almost, and Eren hated seeing you succeed when your pleasure was literally in his hands, he had to show you it was impossible to keep quiet even if you tried your best, because he was just too good at what he did. So he curled his fingers again, repeatedly hitting the sweet spot neither you or your current boyfriend were able to reach, making your eyes roll to the back of your head and finally, fucking finally, a high-pitched moan left your lips and pleasantly teased every nerve in his body.

He felt you clench around him, your slick dripping down on his sheets and he laughed darkly, suddenly stopping his movements and throwing his head back for a second to gain some composure. "No Eren -," you whined, tears already pricking at your eyes. "please I'll be quiet, 'm so sorry please let me cum." you were begging him to spare you, begging him to finish what he had started and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"You're so pathetic right now, should've listened to me." he slapped your cunt and you let out another moan, while he chuckled and stood up. "'m begging you 'ren, I'll do whatever you want just please — please let me cum." your legs were spasming from the orgasm that was stuck in your lower stomach, begging to be released and he was just staring at your figure, hair scattered on his sheets and cheeks wet.

You looked so good like that, so perfect all whining and needy for him as you cried and begged him to help you out, it felt even too satisfying to be true, sent shivers down his spine and made his cock hardly throb in his pants. "Come here then." he didn't think twice before gesturing you to get up from the bed and kneel in front of him, and you didn't mind the cold of the floor or the way it was already hurting your knees, your mind was too fucked up to care.

"I'm gonna use your mouth as a fuck toy, yeah? Want you to choke on my cock." he started, stroking your hair as you looked up at him and nodded eagerly, eyes filled with lust as you patiently waited for him to give it to you. He lowered his pants together with his boxers, and you were sure you were drooling just from seeing his dick hitting his hard stomach immediately, already leaking with precum.

The veins were visible and his tip was a soft pink, length completely hard and standing proudly on its own. Your sexual life had consisted only on fucking with your boyfriend, giving head to him and occasionally a handjob, but you received back basically nothing, since you almost never came under his touch or when his dick was inside you. This time was different, maybe because of the years that built up this moment and your feelings towards the guy looking down to you, or maybe just because he was extremely good at it, and you guessed it was both.

His cock was longer, larger and overall prettier than the one you were used to, and you thought you wouldn't be able to find anything better if you didn't keep him to yourself, you hated the thought of him letting someone else have it, so you had to make your pretty mouth unforgettable to him.

You opened it and stuck your tongue out, and he was quick to tap the end of his length on it once he had grabbed the base of it, testing the waters and preparing you for what was coming next. You circled your tongue around the tip, making him groan at the gesture and grip your nape with his right hand, bringing you closer to him while you closed your lips and finally trapped his dick in your mouth. He bobbed your head up and down, each thrust going deeper until it eventually reached your throat, making you gag as tears began to slowly stream down your face again.

Your mascara was a mess and your cheeks already felt sore from how big he was, but you didn't dare to stop. Your cunt was pulsating and you could feel your juices sticking to your thighs, so you shifted your foot until your heel was making contact with the sensitive area, and you started to rub against it to create some friction and ease your suffering a little.

Eren noticed the way you rotated your hips and moaned against his dick almost immediately, grabbing your hair and pulling it until his length was out of your mouth. "You're such a little slut." he scoffed, slapping your cheek with his cock while still keeping your hair in a tight grip. You didn't stop your movements, instead grinding against your heel harder because the way he talked to you made you even more aroused.

"So desperate for my cock that you can't even wait," he continued, this time lowering his face and grabbing your jaw with his other hand, forcing you to part your lips. "but I don't mind, go on and make yourself cum like the pathetic whore you are." and he spat in your mouth, roughly and without thinking too much about it, smirking as he watched you swallow his spit immediately.

It was all so overwhelming that you were convinced it was going to be impossible for you to have an experience even close to the one you were having with Eren with another person, but it was his goal after all. He was in ecstasy too, seeing you kneeling in front of him, swallowing down his saliva, gagging on his cock and grinding against your foot because he had made you so desperate for him, it was like a vision.

He could almost believe he was just dreaming because of how unreal it all felt, finally getting to see your body and not jerk off to the idea of you as he did when he was sixteen, because you had suddenly started to wear more revealing clothes and he could see your curves so much better. He remembered locking the door of the bathroom that time you kissed Armin and he had to sleep at his place right after the event, he was angry but he couldn't help his cock from getting hard at the thought of him being the one to stuff your mouth with his tongue, and maybe groping your tits.

And there you were, but this time your mouth was stuffed with his dick and he couldn't desire anything better. He sensed your orgasm when he felt the way your hands suddenly squeezed his thigh and your cheeks hollowed around him, sucking harder as you shut your eyes and finally reached your high, whimpering against him. He pulled out the moment your lips loosened a bit around his cock because of your moans, and he was sure he could have cum just by watching your face as you sadly looked up at him, your eyes watery and confused.

He ordered you to get on the bed first, removing all his clothes completely as you laid down and took off your panties. He licked his lips at the delicious sight, pumping his dick in his fist as he observed you. Your cheeks were flushed, baby hair sticking to your sweaty forehead, lips slightly opened, almost as if they were still waiting for him to stuff your mouth again.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll be too dumb to even think," and he rubbed his tip through your folds, making you whimper. "and next time I'm gonna cum in your fucking mouth, cause I know you want a taste." he smiled darkly at you, before stretching his hand to open the drawer of his nightstand right beside him and grab a condom. He stopped when he felt your hand gripping his wrist, you were shaking your head when he turned again to look at you.

"I'm on the pill." you stated, and decided it was your time to wind him up a bit. "I want it raw, please." your puppy eyes were doing some serious shit to his mind, and he couldn't help himself when he brought your hand to your neck, fingers circling around your throat while his other hand grabbed ahold of your waist.

He teased you a little more, rubbing his dick against your clit until you were whining again because of your desperation. Then he pushed inside you quickly, his cock hitting your cervix almost immediately because of the violence of his sudden movement, balls hitting your skin as he started to pump in and out of you faster, without wasting any second of his time.

His fingers applied a sweet pressure to your neck, enough to make you dizzy but not enough to make you pass out. "You like this, don't you?" he groaned, slowing his actions to rotate his hips before starting to thrust faster again. "You like my cock filling your cunt, like feeling my hand chocking you, mh?" it was obvious you did, and his words made you only clench around him more as you didn't hold back your moans, that were becoming screams at that point.

"Yes 'ren, I like it so much, please don't ever stop — oh my god" he loved that nickname, it reminded you of every time you cried after he had been mean to you and called him 'ren before begging him to treat you better and be good to you, and now you were doing it again, but this time while he was fucking you senseless and you were crying because of the pleasure.

He kept pumping in and out, watching your tits bouncing as your body shifted on his bed under the strength of his movements, his digits leaving bruises on your waist as he fucked you. He moved his knees on the bed one by one, and then raised one of your legs and put in on his shoulder, just to have a better access to your cunt and hit a deeper spot, making you see stars. He bit and sucked the skin of your thigh, intended on leaving as many hickeys as he possibly could while never stopping his thrusts.

"You're mine, yeah? No one else can fuck you this good. Feel my cock in your tummy?" he asked, and grabbed your hand only to place it on your lower stomach where you could actually feel the bulge every time he thrust in you. You couldn't speak for the love of you, you were choking on your own saliva and your breath was caught in your throat, making it impossible for you to form a sentence.

"You're so fucked out you can't even answer?" he laughed, hitting your cheek with the palm of his hand to gain a reaction from you. He did gain one, and it was an even louder moan. "'m yours 'ren, want you to cum in me so bad." you pleaded, and he groaned at your words and the way you were looking at him. He slowed down his pace, this time fucking you harder instead of faster, repeatedly hitting your sweet spot.

"Shit, 'm gonna fill you up real nice, wanna see my cum leak from your pretty cunt." he brought his fingers to your clit, rubbing his digits against it and lowering his head to bite your tits first, then your neck and then your earlobe, while you could feel his breath fanning against your skin. "I'm cumming 'ren — aaah god, i'm cumming!" you could feel his smile against your skin as he rotated his hips, still stimulating your bud.

"Cum for me baby, cream all over my cock and show me how good you are." he whispered in your ear, and you gave up to his request right away, moaning his name while your legs began to shake as your orgasm hit you like a truck, making your brain stop working. "Good girl, just like that." he praised you while still moving inside you through your high and reaching for his own, the overstimulation leading you to snivel under him.

"Oh fuck, you take me so well beautiful, just hold out a bit more, 'kay?" he praised you again, because he noticed the way your muscles where spasming and you were biting your lip to prevent you from crying out loud. Still, you let him take his time and he couldn't be more grateful for it, because when he finally reached his orgasm and cum inside you he knew he had to have you for himself.

"Shit, look at that." he panted out, heavy breath as he pulled out of you and watched his sperm leaking from your cunt, just like he had said, and mixing with your slick. It wasn't enough for him, and he collected the juices just to push them back inside you and drag them between your folds. Once he was done he lowered his head again to kiss you, much more gently this time, and smiled at you proudly.

"You did so good." he stroked your cheek with his clean hand, and gave you a little kiss again. You were finally relaxing under his soft touch when your phone rang, screen glowing with his name on it. You anxiously tried to stand up, but Eren pushed you back on the bed again and grabbed it for you, before accepting the call and bringing it to his ear.

"Sorry dude, she's busy getting fucked right now and you kind of interrupted us." he said as if it was nothing, and even if you knew it wasn't right, you couldn't bring yourself to care about what your boyfriend - ex boyfriend - would think. "What?!" you could hear his rage through your phone, meanwhile Eren rolled his eyes and abruptly pushed his cock inside you again, making you gasp loudly at the intrusion and at the sensation that came with it.

"Heard that? That was your girlfriend finally getting what she deserves, now get off our asses and go back to your bitches, cause you and I both know you're a shitty cheater." and with that he ended the call, throwing your phone beside you on the bed and bringing his attention back to you.

He looked at you as if he was waiting for you to say something, or maybe tell him to pull his dick out. "Ex girlfriend." was the only thing that left your mouth, accompanied by the bucking of your hips against his. What you said had boosted his ego so much he was grinning at you, slowly pumping in you until his cock was fully hard again.

"I don't deserve you either, but I promise you I'll make it worth it."

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[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Draw your swords, pt. 3

Summary: While his bride is exacting her plans from the very first day in Little Palace, the Darkling finds he has a soft spot for the enemy.

Warnings: sexual references, swearing, angst

Part one // Part two

=================================

The last thing Y/N expected upon waking up was to wake up alone. Spreading out in the bed, she huffed a loose strand of her hair off her face. Narrowing her eyes, she stared up at the canopy with her wicked husband on her mind.

After the way he had acted the night before, she found herself wondering what game he’s playing. They were meant to be married in paper only, yet he seems to have a possessive streak that extends to her as well. A part of her wasn’t sure if he truly had a shred of decency within considering he didn’t take advantage of their marital status, but the other part of her wasn’t easily swayed. That part of her remained defiant as it was forged in a fire the Darkling set. Intentionally or not, his actions have damaged her before they ever even met and she wasn’t very forgiving.

Opening the door, unannounced, strolled in the most beautiful woman Y/N had ever seen. Her long, auburn hair was perfectly styled and framed her face without obscuring an inch of her stunning beauty.

Genya, she realized. Even on the other side of the fold, Y/N knew of the empresses’ tailor.

Large, amber eyes fix on Y/N who slowly sat up. She stared at Genya without shame, admiring her appearance.

“Well, from what the general told me, I expected I’d have more work on my hands.” Genya huffs, her hands on her hips as her lips form a thin line.

“I have nothing wrong with me”, Y/N defends, graciously getting out of the bed that was far too comfy considering who she shared it with. “And where is the general?” Raising her eyebrow, Y/N folded her arms. No matter where he disappeared to, she couldn’t let him wander too far in case he tries to break their agreement and attend a meeting alone.

Humming, Genya didn’t try to hide her curiosity as she looked Y/N up and down. “Are you sure you don’t need my services?”

Glancing at the door, Y/N saw the servants waiting in front for a command. “Leave us”, Y/N waves them off, swiftly closing the door behind them. Her eyes settle on a seemingly startled Genya who cocks her head to the side.

“Interesting. So you do need me?”

Inhaling deeply, Y/N nods. Coming closer, her eyes remain on Genya’s whose gaze drifts at first. Once Y/N stopped before her, their eyes met.

“I need you, but not as a tailor.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Genya steps back. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Swallowing thickly, Y/N licked her lips. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you hate the emperor and you’d do anything to make sure he never lays a hand on you?”

Genya’s nostrils flare, her lips drawing back between her pearly whites. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m loyal to my emperor.”

“I know”, Y/N reaches for her hand, “I’m saying if your loyalties shifted, I’d make sure that fat fuck died in agonizing pain.”

Yanking her hand out of Y/N’s reach, Genya stepped back with wide eyes.

Gnawing on the inside of her bottom lip, Y/N wished she was more tactful. Hearing of Genya and her fate, she assumed she’d gladly ally with her in this fight. Not only does she need Genya on her side to fight against Kirigan, but the emperor as well. Genya would have been an ideal ally if only she was willing to hear her out. But she should have waited, befriended the Grisha. She should have been more tactful.

“Does the general know of the treasonous plans you speak of?”

Chuckling in disbelief, Y/N shakes her head, “Do you truly believe I’d be breathing if he did?”

Pursing her lips, Genya turned her back on Y/N, contemplating all the possibilities that could stem from her decision.

“It’s a lot, I know, but I am here with a few secrets of my own.” Y/N takes a step closer, her hand clasping Genya’s shoulder as a show of support. “I realize you barely know me, but we can change that now.”

“How?” Genya whispers, more to herself than Y/N who released a shaky sigh.

“By revealing a secret that would be lethal for me if you shared it with anyone.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Genya’s eyes narrowed at Y/N who felt genuine, more than anyone had been since the day she arrived in the Palace. Despite the initial mistrust, Genya nods.

The guards stationed outside of Y/N’s room only heard a loud gasp behind closed doors, unaware that very gasp was a start of a friendship that would define Ravka’s future.

Meanwhile, the Darkling had spent the morning out in the fields. Riding his favorite horse usually served as a way to distract his mind from ongoing worries, but it had no such effect today. No amount of speed or distance could possibly erase the feeling of Y/N’s hand on his body, much less of her body pressing against him.

He behaved as a pious man, an honorable gentleman with self-restrain of a saint. If he could, he’d have taken her without regrets, but he never crossed that line and doing so with a woman meant to be his wife would set him on a path of no return – of true evil.

The Darkling may have done some heinous things, but they were never without reason. If he had done anything against her wishes, he’d be beyond redemption and he couldn’t help but grit his teeth every time he imagined himself losing his mind around her long enough for her to turn him into the villain she sees him as.

Another thing he’s decided to do is break the rule he knew she expected him to uphold – sleeping in separate chambers was the worst thing for them now. He had to be in her bed every night, regardless if she wanted to let him between her legs or not. He wouldn’t force her, that much would be true, but he wouldn’t sleep in his own room anymore. The room they were given last night would be the one he goes to, stumbles to, crawls to, in order to fall asleep beside her. And though it’s a risk as he could easily find himself with his throat cut, he refused to back down.

Dismounting, he headed to the map room where his subordinates waited for further instructions regarding the war.  

“Shall we start?” The Darkling tossed his riding gloves on the desk as he looked at his people. A new face caught his attention, making him do a double take until his dark skies narrowed at her.

“Now that you’ve arrived”, Y/N stands, smiling sweetly. “I believe we can present to you what we’ve discussed while you were off on a joy ride.”

There’s nothing sweet about her, Darkling realizes. Even her smile is coated in honey but laced with poison.

 He licked his lips, “Well, if you want my opinion-“

“I don’t”, she stood her ground, “I have my own.”

Chuckling darkly, he leans forth on the table. His nostrils are flared, his hands gripping the edges until his knuckles turn white. “And what exactly is that?”

“We agreed on having the First army general having a vote in the decision making process as you all do, and since I’m his proxy, I’ve decided you will no longer use humans as canon meat.”

Gliding the tip of his tongue over the inner side of his teeth, he stared at Y/N as if she were made of glass he had every intention on shattering. That would be a mistake – glass is only brittle until it breaks, the shards can cause more damage.

“We will train Grisha to protect humans and humans will use their weapons to protect the Grisha in a more effective manner with the emperor’s gold.”

“Gold?” Kirigan says through gritted teeth as she approaches him, her hands behind her back and he has no doubts she’s stashed a weapon in them and the blue kefta she wore. He’d tell her to take it off and never wear one since she’s but a human, yet as his wife, she was entitled to a kefta. Besides, she looked like a dream in one.

“The emperor agreed to fund the First army’s armory during breakfast”, she smirks, lifting her head up to maintain eye contact.

“Get out”, he grumbles.

Raising her eyebrow, she giggles, “Are you that incapable of admitting I may have opinions and capabilities with potential to do better than the ones you brought before the emperor?” Hardening her gaze, she cups his cheek so tenderly he felt a shiver run down his back. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

“GET OUT!” He turns to the others, watching them scramble to leave before he unleashes the darkness everyone feared. Once the last one left, the door slamming behind them, Kirigan locked his eyes on hers.

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head”, he snarled, slamming her against the door. As his heartbeat echoed in his ears, they stayed there with his grip crushing her wrists, keeping them pinned to the wall.

She didn’t breathe, trying to guess his next move. There was a risk she’d push him over the edge and she quite liked herself in one piece, so she waited – waited for him to move first despite the aching pain in her wrists. Releasing a shuddered breath, her chest deflates.

Finally, his eyes soften as he realizes he might have scared her and while he’d usually triumph, he found no satisfaction in being rough with her. He imagined himself releasing her from his grip, cupping her cheeks and asking for forgiveness, but the way she refused to blink made him unsteady. Yet he whispered still, “It’s too dark for you.”

Squinting, Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line. She easily breaks out of his grasp, shoving him against the wall with her forearm on his chest. Trailing her hand lazily towards his neck, she tightens her grip, lightly choking him. Pulling him down, she stands on her tiptoes as well. Leaning in, her lips brush against his ear; whispering, "Darling, you may wield darkness but you don't know the meaning of dark."

Stepping away, she raised her chin defiantly and he wished he could grasp it and pull her lips to his until her jaw relented and her mouth opened for his. And that’s when he realized – why would he hold back?

Her eyes drifted up to his and she knew his resolve was gone. His lips captured hers in a hard kiss, driving them apart with the force of it. There was something gentle about it, regardless of the brute strength he used to push her into the door. She felt the door rattle against her back as he shifted, pressing her into it, taking her face between his hands.

When he kissed her, she felt as if she were losing his mind. She couldn’t comprehend why her hand wasn’t holding her dagger at his neck, or why she allowed herself to moan into the kiss as if he had brought her pleasure.

Every thought she once had evaporated as the darkness of lust drew her in, bending all her rules, stealing the last trembling bit of restraint. She tries to pull away, to stand firm and turn away his affection if she could call it that.

“No”, he whispers, bringing her lips back to his.

And when he kissed her again, she wasn’t sure she wanted her sanity back. She slid her hands under his kefta, wrapping arms around him to press him closer. The low groan at the back of his throat, a small, pleading noise set every inch of her skin on fire.

Opening her eyes, they widen as she notes his are closed as he lost himself in their passionate exchange. A single intelligent thought formed inside her mind, sparking others to appear as well. Playing with fire is her favorite hobby, but this wasn’t a game – not when she was losing.

Pushing against him with all her might, Y/N gasped for breath as he stumbled back. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she narrowed her eyes at him. Lifting her chin, Y/N met his gaze decidedly. After all, she couldn’t avoid her marital duty if she allowed him to kiss her like that. He may not be an old, unattractive, undeveloped man she had imagined in her mind, but Y/N still wasn’t quite keen on giving herself to him. She had kept her maidenhood all those years only to lose it to a man who shall never be more to her than a husband in name only. She’d never love him…she promised herself that. She never broke a promise before and he would not be the one who changes that.

“Don’t touch me”, she spoke through clenched teeth.

He looked at her in surprise. There was hatred in her enchantingly cold eyes, her cheeks flushed red. If possible, her anger made her even more beautiful. Never had he felt such a raging desire.

His hand went around her neck, his thumb digging into the soft flesh. “You are my wife,” he said in a low voice. “You are mine!”

“I believe we have already covered that. I’m not yours and I never will be.” Y/N told him with such spite, such determination that he let her go immediately.

“You’re untouched, aren’t you?” Darkling’s voice softened, his eyes holding more understanding than she liked. Had he acted unreasonably and taken her against her will the night before or now, she’d at least be right about his horrid heart and vile mind…but he didn’t. Instead of being a savage she imaged him to be, he offered her gentle understanding.

“I’m sorry I was rough. I’ll try and be gentler. If you don’t want to go through with this, I won’t force you.” Running a hand across his face, he leaned back on the table. “I want you…really fucking bad, but I won’t take you against your will.” The Darkling sighed as she stared at him with her doe eyes, seeing confusion pass her features.

“Good to know where you draw your line. Murder – good, rape – bad.”

Rolling his eyes, he squinted as he looked at her again, “We can’t sacrifice Grisha for your men.”

Knitting her eyebrows, Y/N could hardly believe he just forgot the kiss they shared. In seconds, he crossed his arms and the lustful look was gone. The man before her was a general once more, and though he tried to hide it, he was still a man who had a hard-on despite the subject change. She wished she could ignore the evidence his blood is still boiling for a touch, more so because he was fucking right – he wasn’t small at all.

“If you keep wasting human lives, we will stop defending yours entirely.”

Raising an eyebrow, his face hardened, “We’ll kill you.”

Scoffing, she raises her eyebrow to mimic him. “It’s you or Volcra or the Druskelle and Fjerdans or Shu. We end up dying either way.” Stepping closer, she folded her hands behind her back. “We can work together and lessen our losses or you can do it your way and have a massacre instead.”

In less than a minute, her eyes turned from ice to flame and he found himself captivated by the change.

“I’ll agree on one condition.”

His gaze roamed over her as if he is unable to fully comprehend her beauty. Only when he looked back at her eyes did he see she was troubled. Was that expression fear? The possibility struck him as so humorous he nearly laughed out loud.

“State your terms”, she snapped, refusing to concede when she’s close enough to do something she’s wanted for years – to protect the soldiers used as a shield for those who are perfectly capable of protecting themselves.

“I plan on getting to know you better”, he leaned in closer. He raised his hand, cupping her cheek just as he imagined – tenderly, enough to show dominance but not quite capable of harming her. “If you let me.”

Heart fluttering inside her chest had made her doubt herself. She stared at him, stubborn and unrelenting. “I’m still not sleeping with you.”

Chuckling, Kirigan drops his hand, noticing her relax as he steps back. With a tightness in his chest, he looked back at his wife, so small, so alone and still so fierce. He would never admit it, but he had already a sliver of love for her and knowing she did not had hurt him.

His smile falls and he nods. Clearing his throat, “How about we go for a ride in a few days?” He took her hand in his and gave her a gentle squeeze, looking up at her weary eyes.

“Does that mean I have the bed all to myself?” Raising her eyebrows expectantly, she squeezed his hands right back, as bold as ever. Genya seemed to trust him, yet Y/N couldn’t understand why. He’s too charming to be trustworthy.

Using his grip on her hand as an advantage, he tugged her closer to him and she found herself between his legs as he remained, leaning against the table behind him. His eyes flicker to her lips, “Better find more pillows, my wife. We wouldn’t want you to be the big spoon again, would we?”

With that, he turned them so swiftly, she had barely blinked as he pulled her up on the table and she gasped in surprise. Heart beating fast, she nearly gripped his kefta and claimed his lips, but he leaned in on his own accord and she had no need for brutish behavior.

The tip of his nose brushes hers and just as she begins to lean in, he takes a step back. Winking, he takes another step back.

“If you want a taste, you’ll have to ask.”

Watching his retreating figure in shock, she remained perched on the table with her mouth open and her eyes wide.

Covering her mouth, Y/N shakes her head. Her mind was right, the heart cannot be trusted.

Tags: @bruxa0007 @rangotangomango @kaitlyn2907 @thestoryofmylife9​ @shelivesindaydreamswme @hxrgreeves @safetyhtom @kaqua @savannah-elliott @all-art-is-quite-useless  @azure23x​ 

PART 4

[darling-i-read-it]

Once Upon A Dream

Part 1/2

Prince Caspian x reader, eventual The Darkling (Aleksander) x reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: death, sadness, insinuations to smut

Author’s Note: me last night: Maya at age 5 and Maya at age 17 came together to do this for you all (and myself lol). I really hope you all enjoy this because I really really did. I wanted to do it all in one part but then I was writing and I couldn’t stop lol. (also this is not proofread lol). Inspired by this edit by @/daniellasedits on tiktok)

(@chameleon-junkie helped with the logistics! Don’t come at us, we are not Narnia experts lol.)

Summary: You, a Grisha, stumble into the wardrobe where you find yourself in Narnia. You meet Prince Caspian there whom you fall in love with. (Eventual Darkling x reader next part!)

Genre: fluff, angst at the end

Song: Once Upon A Dream by Mary Costa

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

Figured I’d tag these people cause they showed interest in this! I hope y’all don’t mind I’m just excited lol: @russian-soft-bitch, @elisaa-shelby, @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem and @draco-loves-ferrets ‘s hufflepuff friend who’s @ I do not know lol

(not my gif)

You carefully walked on the cobblestone ground. You didn’t want to make too much of a sound so you kept your steps light. As long as you could get back to your room before the Darkling arrived in the castle it would be alright.

You had never even seen the man but he struck a fear in you. That wasn’t unlike anybody else in the castle. He was a very scary man. Even his name could scare a room of people, though he was usually nowhere near. As a Grisha you had to learn about him but of course you didn’t have to actually see him.

This was your first time staying at the castle. You came up for some extra schooling. You showed some promising powers and many people considered you one of the strongest in your craft. You were likely to have to perform your powers in front of the king himself and perhaps even the Darkling.

The thought sent a shiver down your spine.

You were trying to keep your mind off of it and explore the vast castle in the meantime. Some of the rooms you found looked as though they hadn’t been touched in decades. You had made it to a floor that relatively no one else was on.

You opened another door slowly.

You stepped inside and closed it behind you, your eyes gazing around. Unlike the other rooms you had found, there was only one piece of furniture in there. It lacked the elegance of the rest of the rooms, along with the fancy things inside. Furrowing your brows, you walked up to the wardrobe in the back middle of the room. You brushed your hand on the fine craftsman and then flung it open.

“Damn. Just clothes,” you muttered to yourself. Fur coats and other keftas. You let out a sigh and grabbed the side of the wardrobe doors. You had every intention of leaving it closed until you felt a cold wind on your cheek. You looked around the room. Completely void of windows. You looked further into the wardrobe and moved the coats aside, looking for a back to it. You were surprised to find a lack of back to it. You stepped inside, moving further inside. You felt around for a back.

You didn’t find another piece of wood. Instead you felt the cool brush of wind against your hand. You moved aside the keftas and stepped into a wood, filled with trees. Snow was lightly falling onto your hand but it hadn’t begun to stick yet.

Your mouth hung open in surprise. You turned back to the wardrobe but found the coats were surrounded by even more trees, rendering it nearly invisible with the elements.

You shook your head gently as you looked around.

“Oh well, who are you?” You turned your head quickly, looking around for another human.

“Hello? Who’s there?”

“Down here.” You looked down below you, coming face to face with a beaver. They were standing on two feet, looking up at you. Your eyes went wide in surprise.

“You can speak?”

“Of course I can speak. What on Earth are you wearing dear?” You looked down at your blue kefta and furrowed your eyebrows.

“Where am I?” The beaver smiled a bit, which amazed you but you had other problems.

“Narnia darling.” “Where?” The beaver raised their head and nodded a tad.

“You’re not from around here are you?”

“No, I...I was in the castle and then I went through this wardrobe and then…” You turned to point at the wardrobe but lost it in the trees. You searched but found nothing.

“Well I don’t know what castle you were talking about. The witch’s castle is far away from here and the kings is pretty far as well,” the beaver told you. “I’m Mrs. Beaver. Perhaps you want to come back to my home and I can help you out.”

“Mrs. Beaver? Oh, uh sure.” She started to walk away and you followed her, eyes trailing back to where you had come from. It was still lost in the forest, invisible.

=====

You sat at a very small table, looking at the food the Beavers had given you. You nibbled on a couple of things.

“What is that silly jacket you were wearing?” Mr. Beaver asked. You looked down at your kefta.

“It’s my kefta. It means I’m a summoner,” you said.

“A summoner? What does that mean?” Mrs. Beaver questioned. You looked down sheepishly.

“You don’t have Grisha here?”

“Grosha?”

“Grisha,” you corrected. They gave you skeptical looks. You shook your head gently and picked up the small cup, drinking it carefully. “You have a lovely home and I thank you for your hospitality but I should probably be getting on my way.” You stood up and bent down, making sure you didn’t hit your head.

“Be careful out in the woods deary. Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Mrs. Beaver asked. You shook your head kindly.

“Thank you but I have to get on my way. Thank you again.” They both nodded. Mrs. Beaver handed you another biscuit which you took graciously.

You left their little home and began your walk back the way you came. Wherever you were, you had to get back. Who knows what would happen if you were gone too long. Oh, you hoped you weren’t missing anything important.

You walked for a while. Your feet began to ache and you felt your kefta become uncomfortable. The sun was going to go down soon.

God, which way was it you came? Were you even going the right way? You scratched your head.

Suddenly you heard the sound of horses. You turned quickly, hiding behind a tree. You peeked behind it to see a man about your age riding a horse. He came to a slow steady stop, looking around the forest.

“Are you sure we’re in the right place? Seems very far away,” he called back.

“I’m sure my King!” King? You started to lean further out and then tripped on the stick below you. You cursed under your breath as you stumbled out from behind the tree. You looked up, raising your hands up to prepare to use your powers. The man saw you and quickly drew his sword, prompting his horse over. He pointed the sword at you.

“Who are you? What are you wearing?”

“Why does everyone care about my coat?” you muttered. “I’m Y/N. I’m a Grisha.”

“A what?”

“I don’t think I’m meant to be here. I came through a wardrobe, this isn’t my world. I’m just trying to get back to where I came from,” you told him. The man looked down at you. He recalled his friends, the former Kings and Queens. They had come through a wardrobe once. His men quickly caught up to him, stopping their horses behind him.

“Who is this?” one of the knights questioned.

“A friend,” he told them. “Stand up.” You stood up straight and brushed off your clothing. “You’ll ride with me,” he said. You nodded a bit as he extended his hand. You took it and he helped hoist you up behind him.

“What’s your name?” you questioned, sitting behind him. Your hands rested gently on his sides, a habit from having rode horses with other Grisha for years.

“Caspian.”

“Where are we going Caspian?”

“My castle.”

====

It was even better than the castle back in Ravka. Perhaps you just felt more welcome here than you had back in Ravka but either way, once you got off that horse you felt like you had entered into a dream. Caspian kept you close to him as he walked up the front doors. People parted ways when they were in his way. He called people’s names, smiled at them, asking them questions.

You were silent through it all, though you could hear the whispering.

Who was this woman with the King?

People didn’t recognize you, your clothing, your stance. Finally Caspian took you into one of his private rooms where it was only the two of you.

He sat down at the window sill and turned to you, a serene look on his face. You fidgeted nervously.

“Tell me about this land you came from.”

“You don’t think I’m insane?” He smiled a bit, shaking his head gently.

“No. Why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured to his desk chair. You walked over awkwardly and sat down in front of him.

“Animals don’t talk where I’m from. And there are Summoners and Materialki and...other things.”

“We don’t have any of that here.”

“Clearly,” you said, laughing a bit. “What about Narnia? What is it like here?” He shrugged.

“It’s a wonderful place. In harmony currently. Which is why I’m curious as to why you’ve arrived here.”

“Do people not often...come here?” He shook his head a bit and glanced out the window, recalling memories.

“People that arrive from other lands only come if they’re vastly important. The only travelers have been the former Kings and Queens.” You raised your eyebrows and looked around nervously.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know yet Y/N. But in the meantime I believe it would be smart for you to stay here with me until I figure it out.” You nodded.

“So I don’t believe I’ll be going back anytime soon.” He nodded.

“No, you won’t. As far as I know, you’re a danger to my land's safety, you summoner or whatever you call it.” He stood up and smiled down at you. His hair fell in front of his face gently. He had a kind face. You didn’t feel like he was a threat to you, even though he was everything but a stranger. “I’ll send someone to get you new clothes. I’m going to go and search the books to see if anything foretold you arriving.” You nodded.

“And I should just stay here?”

“I’ll have someone set you up with your own room soon. Meanwhile, stay here in mine.” You looked around at his room. There were paintings of the sea on his walls, an elegant curtain over his bed.

“Alright. Thank you.”

“Of course.” ====

Some lovely ladies brought you some clothing and took away your kefta, despite your wishes. You sat in Caspians room for a while, looking out the window and snooping around peacefully. The view was gorgeous. There was something about the people here that made you feel safe.

Caspian opened the door up carefully later that night. You had fallen asleep on top of the covers of his bed. Upon seeing you he grew quiet, placing the papers he had found onto his desk. He sat on the edge of the bed and slipped off his shoes. His movement woke you up. You sat up gently, rubbing your eyes.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he asked. You shrugged.

“It’s alright. I didn’t mean to drift off.” You sat up as he stood, grabbing the papers off the desk and returning to the edge of the bed. “Did you find anything?” He handed you the papers. On the parchments were some words you didn’t understand and drawings of a person who looked an awful lot like you.

“Nothing specific. Just that you were meant to come.” You looked up and met his eyes.

“But what am I here for? You’re already King, you don’t need me stomping in to rule some place I hadn’t heard of before today.” He smiled a bit.

“You’re right. We aren’t at war either, which was my next thought.” He paused. “What can you do as a Grisha?” You took a deep breath and held your hand before you. After a moment of concentrating you produced a ball of fire in your hands. Caspian’s eyes went wide. “That’s amazing.” You closed your hand into a fist and lowered it.

“I can do bigger things too. I’m not too special but I’m pretty good,” you admitted. He nodded.

“We’ll find out why you’re here.” He stood. “I have your room. It’s close, in case you need anything.” You nodded and slid off the bed.

“Thank you again, for everything. You’ve been incredibly kind.” Caspian nodded, putting his hand on the small of your back. You ignored the shiver down your spine at his touch.

“The last people who came through a wardrobe here were incredibly good friends. I hope we can be the same.”

“I’d say we’re on the right track.”

====

Weeks he spent with his head stuck in books. You always stayed with him, helping him sift through the information as best you could. He had to teach you history and you learned it easily.

“Perhaps you should get some sleep,” you told him. He was sitting at the edge of your bed, buried in books.

“Just one more,” he muttered, not looking at you. You scoffed and crawled over to him, taking the book from his hand. Out of instinct you raised your hand to his cheek. Once you had done it, it couldn’t be undone so you had to go with it. You ran your hand over his cheek and ran your hand through his hair carefully.

That got his attention. He studied your face, tracing your lips with his eyes. He felt a sudden pang of love for you. At first he thought it came out of nowhere but understood that it was a feeling he had been suppressing.

“You look exhausted. Please, the books and I will be here tomorrow.” You dropped your hand. It broke him from his trance.

“You’re right. I’ll come back as soon as I can.” You nodded and put the books on your bed onto your nightstand.

“Goodnight Caspian. Sleep tight.” He lingered at the door, holding it open, looking at you.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

=====

You spent your time at Caspians castle for months. In that time you learned more about Narnia. He visited as often as he could but he was always busy. You didn’t mind. You made some other friends and you loved walking the grounds. People treated you as though you were royalty because you were Caspians personal visitor.

It was a nice life. You missed your friends back in Ravka but not enough to run away.

And you had fallen for him. You were pretty sure it had started the second you saw him in the woods that fateful day. Though he was king and would likely never feel the same way. You didn’t mind, as long as you got to see him.

You were walking in the gardens one afternoon. It was a sunny day, the rays glistening off the flower petals. You turned a corner, coming face to face with Caspian. He was smiling, holding a red flower in his hands. He offered it to you.

“You scared me,” you said, giggling nervously. You took the flower happily. “But thank you.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you saw me coming.” He gestured to the flower. “Red, like your fire.” You smiled sheepishly and smelled it.

“It smells beautiful.”

“Like you.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the warmth in your stomach.

“You’re too kind to me Caspian.” You kept on walking. He followed you close beside as you stepped on the cobblestones together.

“My friend Lucy made these gardens when she was Queen in the golden age of Narnia. I’d say she did a wonderful job.”

“I agree.”

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to the flower. You handed it to him and he placed it in your hair. You smiled sheepishly. You walked together peacefully for a few moments. You turned to him as you walked, watching his perfect peaceful features. He turned to you as well and you smiled at each other.

“I have something to tell you,” he said quietly. Your smile faltered a bit and you looked away from him.

“That doesn’t sound great.”

“We’ll see.”

“That’s not exactly promising Caspian.” He laughed a bit. He stopped walking and you turned completely to him, not able to look him in the eye.

“I think I know why you are here,” he whispered. You looked into his eyes, startled.

“You do? Well spit it out then.” He took a deep breath and raised his hand to your cheek. For a moment you were so stunned you couldn’t move. Your breathing hitched as he leaned forward slowly, letting you lean the rest of the way. You did. You kissed him carefully, your lips melting together perfectly. Your stomach erupted in butterflies, you almost weren’t able to keep yourself down. You grabbed his chin and felt your hand heating up so you had to pull away before you burnt him.

“You are meant to be Queen,” he whispered. Your eyes, which had been on his lips, quickly flicked up to his eyes.

“Is that a proposal King Caspian?” you asked, laughing in awe.

“It is if you want it to be.” You took a deep breath and took his hand off your cheek, holding it between the two of you. You watched as your fingers intertwined with his perfectly.

“Then yes. I would love to be your Queen.” Caspian had to stop himself from jumping up and down in excitement. Instead he just kissed you again.

======

The wedding was the most celebrated event that Narnia had had in quite some time. You and Caspian fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, everyone could see it. Once they realized you were there to be his, it seemed to make perfect sense.

You sat in his room the night of your wedding, looking out the window together. You leaned your back against his chest, his arms around you to hold you in place.

The festivities were still going on even though the two of you had left. Fireworks, dancing, drinks, food. You had planned enough for everyone. Caspians lips were on your head as he watched below.

“I found the page today,” he whispered.

“Huh?” He grabbed a page from his desk without moving you, placing it on your lap, on top of your white wedding dress. You picked it up. He read over your head.

“‘A stranger will come, dressed in blue. They will be the end to a single reign, they will be the glue.’ It even rhymes.” You laughed a bit. “Where was it?”

“A book that had fallen between some stacks. If only I had found it sooner.”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying my dear.” You grabbed his hand and kissed it gently, feeling the warmth of his skin against your lips. He started to kiss your neck, moving your hair aside. You giggled quietly. “Done watching?”

“Very done watching,” he whispered. You shivered and turned your head to kiss him.

“The honeymoon carriage doesn’t leave until tomorrow,” you whispered against his lips.

“You believe I think that matters?” he asked, chuckling. You scoffed but wrapped your arms around him, allowing him to carry you over to his bed.

====

“Don’t forget your sword!” you called.

“I’m just going on deck darling, no one will try and kill me up there,” Caspian called back. You scoffed and laid back down in the bed. The sea rocked underneath you but you had gotten used to it. Years of reign had not worn you down too much. The constant voyages though, were another story. You would never let Caspian leave alone but still, sometimes it caused you hardship.

You glanced at your shared room and then got up, deciding it was about time you got dressed for the day. You slipped on a blue jacket. Very different from your kefta but when you looked at yourself in the mirror it reminded you of it. You stared at your aged face. It had been many years since you arrived in Narnia. It was your home now. You could barely remember the vividness of Ravka and the people there.

Admittedly it took you a while to get dressed. But you didn’t think it took you that long. When you came on deck your husband was completely soaked and there were three teenagers beside him.

You raised an eyebrow and rushed up to Caspian, grabbing his shoulder.

“What on Earth did I miss?” you asked, checking to make sure he was alright.

“I decided to take a swim, that’s all.” He laughed and in that laugh you saw a reminiscence of his young self. You turned to the children.

“Who are these people? Where did they come from?” The little girl smiled brightly.

“I’m Lucy. This is Edmund and Eustance.”

“Lucy and Edmund? As in...the Lucy and Edmund?” you asked. She nodded brightly. You turned to Caspian.

“I’m just as surprised as you are,” he admitted.

“Who are you?” Edmund questioned.

“This is my wife. She’s from a different world than yours and Narnia,” Caspian explained.

“Interesting!” Lucy exclaimed. She smiled brightly at you.

“I love your garden,” you found yourself saying. She laughed bubbly.

“Thank you!”

You shared a look with Caspian who simply shrugged.

=====

You sat in your home, tracing Caspians fingers with yours. He was in bed, ill and old. Years of adventuring had left him tired. He raised his hand to your wrinkled cheek.

“Thank you for coming to me,” he whispered. You shook your head and held his cheek to yours.

“I was always going to find you. I will always find you.” He nodded happily and gestured to the box beside his bed.

“Your old jacket is in there. I hid it. I didn’t want you to go away,” he said weakly.

“My kefta?”

“Yes.”

“I have no use for it anymore. I’m from Narnia. I ruled Narnia. Alongside you. Which is why you can’t leave me.” He smiled and ran his hand over your cheek again.

“Like you said, you will always find me. Think of this as only a small break before we see each other again.”

“I wouldn’t even let you leave me to sail! What makes you think I’m okay with this?” you asked quietly. He grabbed your hand and held it on his chest.

“Stop being stubborn. You have fulfilled your prophecy darling.” You shook your head.

“Come on Caspian.”

He was smiling at you when he took his last breath.

In your grief you had to be ripped away from him. You stumbled the castle grounds for a while before collapsing on his bed, his body having been taken away. Your eyes shut and sleep came to you, despite your want to stay awake and weep.

====

Your eyes opened slowly. You looked above you. It was dark. You sat up, feeling some soft cloth on your face. You sat up, walking forward and leaning against the wall you felt. It quickly fell through, revealing you had been inside a wardrobe. You rubbed your eyes at the light in the room.

The room was empty. Your head hurt.

The door swang open, revealing someone you recognized but couldn’t place.

“What are you doing? You have to be in your room before The Darkling comes so that the tailor can tend to you,” he said.

“What?” you asked.

“What on Earth are you wearing?” You looked down at your clothes. It wasn’t a kefta, that was for sure. You looked back up.

“I’m sorry, I must have hit my head.” He nodded and gestured for you to follow.

You turned to the wardrobe before the door closed behind you, feeling an ache for it. Warmth and sadness and overall, love, filled your chest when you thought of it. Though you couldn’t quite place the reason.

Part 2/2

[rubysunnday]

by your side

Request by anon: Hey! Congratulations on 2.6K followers! Could I request something fluffy and romantic with Matthias helvar x female reader + prompt 13) "Look at me. Look at me. Don't look at them, keep your eyes focused on me." please? thank you so much!

A/N: Shorter than usual because i struggled with inspo for this! if you like what you read, please consider buying me a coffee and donating to my Ko-fi

Ketterdam was on edge. The drüskelle had been seen roaming around the streets and each night, more and more grisha were disappearing from the streets, from pleasure houses, from hotels.

Y/N and Nina had noticed the timing and were both on high alert. Whenever they walked through the streets at night, they had their hands on their weapons and were constantly watching their backs incase anyone snuck up on them.

Matthias was on edge too, constantly watching Y/N's back when they were on jobs or even just sitting in the Crow Club.

Yes, the druskelle were once his brothers but now, he had a new family to watch out for.

Y/N was one of the best things that could have happened to Matthias. Her energy was infectious and whenever she smiled, he couldn't help but smile along too.

Matthias and Y/N had been walking down Fifth Harbour, hand in hand, enjoying their first night off together for the first time in a while. Both of them were trying to enjoy their night but they were constantly watching the side alleys or anyone looking even the slightest bit suspicious.

Y/N was a well known grisha in Ketterdam - her reputation proceeded her as it did with the majority of the Dregs. But because she was well known, it meant the drüskelle would easily spot her and work out who she was.

"Are you alright?" Matthias asked, noticing Y/N's worried gaze as they passed a dark alley.

"Just nervy," she replied, turning to look at him and giving Matthias a smile. "Oh, look!" Y/N exclaimed, letting go of his hand and running over to a food stall. "Waffles!"

Matthias smiled, his eyes crinkling as he watched Y/N try the waffles with an expression of pure joy on her face.

"Matthias, look they have flower crowns!" Y/N called, darting to the next stand and waving Matthias over.

Matthis just shook his head fondly and smiled at her. The happiness in her eyes was overwhelming - he loved it when she smiled.

Someone started screaming and Y/N whirled around to see what the commotion was. Four men, dressed in furs, all with short, blonde hair walked out into the street. The crowd parted and quickly moved out the way, not wanting to get involved.

Y/N's eyes widened with fear as the leaders eyes landed on Y/N and he pointed at her.

His yell was a death sentence. "Drusje!"

Y/N looked at Matthias for help but the drüskelle were standing between her and him and there was no way she could get to him. The drüskelle grabbed their weapons and Y/N bolted down the street.

People scattered out the way as Y/N ran down the hill, skipping the steps down to the harbour by jumping over the railing, bending her knees as she landed.

The shipyard was the best and worst place for a fight. If you had the high ground, you would win. If you had the low ground, you effectively sentenced yourself to death.

Y/N could hear the drüskelle running after her, yelling in Fjerdan as they split up to hunt her down.

Nina hadn't spared any details when she'd told Y/N about her kidnapping by the Fjerdans and how Matthias had saved her life. It was meant to scare her - just break her out of her naive, oblivious mentality that life was sunshine and roses.

The first time Y/N had run into the drüskelle, she'd barely survived her encounter.

She'd fallen out with Nina about a job and had ran out of the Slat, in tears, too engulfed in her emotions to register where she was going or who she ran past until she ran straight into a team of drüskelle.

Matthias had followed after her to make sure she was alright and had been the one to save her from the druskelle and carry her back to the Slat.

Now, however, Y/N was completely on her own. But she wasn't a naive child anymore. She had killed and fought an bled for Kaz Brekker and his crows and wasn't going to let some Fjerdans kidnap and execute her without a fight.

Y/N ran around the corner and came to a sudden halt as a drüskelle appeared at the other end of the corridor. He yelled something in Fjerdan and the three other drüskelle appeared behind Y/N, pinning her in. Y/N darted right as someone fired a gun and ran between the containers. She took another left and swore.

Three containers, stacked on top of each other, towered above her at the end of the corridor. She had run down a dead end.

Y/N knew she was cornered. She knew there was no way out. The drüskelle slowly approached, their weapons glinting in the yellow light of the street lamps towering above on the harbour wall.

"Drüsje," one of the drüskelle said.

Y/N slowly turned around to face the four drüskelle, and forced a smirk on to her face, tying to hide her fear. "No. I'm not witch." Y/N bought her hands together, listening for the four heartbeats in front of her. "I'm a heartrender."

She caught their heartbeats and gripped them tightly. The drüskelle cried out in pain, choking as their hearts were gripped by the cold hand of death.

Y/N thrusted her hands forward and the drüskelle fell to their knees. She turned her right hand and one by one, the men fell to the side, any sign of life fading from their eyes.

It took her a moment to realise what had happened. Y/N took a shaky breath in and stumbled back into the wall behind her. Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground, not even making an effort to slow her fall.

Four men lay dead at her feet. Four druskelle - Matthias' former brothers in arms. It wasn't the first time she'd killed - or killed this many people - but it was the fact that anyone of those people could have been Matthias.

Could still be Matthias.

"Y/N!"

Matthias. Matthias had found her.

"Y/N!"

Matthias ran around the corner and stumbled to a halt, looking down at the ground - at the bodies of the drüskelle, his former brothers in arms.

"Matthias," Y/N said, clutching a hand to her chest as the gravity of the situation hit her full force. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't - I don't -"

Y/N sobbed and curled into herself, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Matthis' eyes were wide as he stepped over the bodies and slowly approached her.

"Y/N," Matthias said quietly, kneeling in front of her. "Just breathe."

Y/N sobbed, her shoulders shaking. She couldn't breathe, the guilty was all consuming and she couldn't breathe.

"I"m sorry," Y/N cried, "I'm so sorry, Matthias, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

Matthias moved forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "Y/N, look at me."

Y/N looked up but her eyes looked behind him, at the bodies, at the glassy stares.

"Y/N, look at me," Matthias said, titling her chin up so that she was forced to look at him. "Look at me. Don't look at them, keep your eyes focused on me."

Y/N's eyes darted back to him and she sniffled. Matthias gently wiped her tears away with his thumb and brought her to his chest in a hug, his hand resting on the back of her head.

"Ssh," Matthias whispered, fingers stroking through her hair. "It's ok, I understand, love."

"I had no choice, Matthias -"

"It's ok, darling," Matthias whispered, dropping his head and resting his forehead against hers. "It's ok."

Y/N closed her eyes and focused on Matthias' heartbeat, the feeling of his skin under her hand, the fact that he was warm and alive.

"Come on," Matthias said, scooping Y/N up, one hand going under her legs and one around her back as he cradled her to his chest.

Y/N kept her face pressed to Matthias' shoulder as he stepped over the bodies of the druskelle and walked out the shipping yard.

Matthias set Y/N down on a bench and she wrapped her arms around herself, moving as far away from him as possible.

"You must hate me, Matthias," Y/N whispered, her eyes dark as they looked out at the ocean.

"No, I don't," Matthias said, reaching a hand out and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"But I killed them -"

"You saved yourself, Y/N," Matthias said firmly, grabbing her hand. Y/N turned to look at him, the wind catching her hair. "You saved yourself from a fate worse than death - trust me, I know."

"Matthias - they were your brothers in arms..."

"That was before. But now," Matthias took a deep breath in, "I wouldn't hesitate to kill any of them if they threatened you, Y/N. No one is taking you from me."

Y/N dropped her head onto Matthias' shoulder and he bought his arm up to rest on her shoulder. His fingers traced a soft pattern on her arm, the warmth of his hand seeping through her shirt.

"Thank you," she whispered, threading her fingers through his.

Matthias kissed her head. "Anything for you, my heart stopper."

[juneisafantasyaddict]

If LB wanted The Darkling to be pure evil, there are literally a lot of things she could have done. But giving him a sympathetic backstory that is actually a legitimate reason for him to turn out the way he did was definitely not the way to do it. If she wanted pure evil, she could’ve given him a backstory that’s just a ridiculous sob story, not “for hundreds of years my people have been hunted and killed because of prejudice and no one did anything about it until I had enough power to.” Do you even realize how easy it is to get people to be on your side when what you want more than anything is for your people to be safe from harm?? That’s literally why we don’t get mad at heroes for killing people, it’s because we know they are protecting vulnerable people.

I’ve seen people say The Darkling is like Magneto (re: his fight against what was happening to mutants), and while that comes close, I think The Darkling is even more sympathetic because at least the XMen had the good sense to have Charles Xavier there to provide a more humane/viable alternative to Magneto’s solutions, and we got to see the difference between their methods. But, in the Grishaverse, we have a monarchy in Ravka that only sees the Grisha as useful for war but also doesn’t let them own property, we have a heroine who doesn’t seem to care about anything except meadows and her childhood crush, we have the entire country of Ravka that seems to only like dead Grisha because “new saint to build a cult over,” then we have the only person who seems to prioritize the protection of these people who have no one and we’re supposed to care that he’s ruthless with anyone he perceives as a threat to his people? When you haven’t given us a viable alternative to his methods? To make matters even worse, he’s not even imagining these threats, he is literally reacting to their aggression, e.g Fjerdans come for Alina, he uses the cut, Zlatan sends an assassin to infiltrate his secure building and kill Alina, but ends up killing another Grisha under his care, he kills the assassin and does Novikribirsk, etc.

This is not a justification of his ruthless methods of punishment for those who are threats to him and his people, this is a “you cannot expect me to focus entirely on his methods when he’s literally the only reason why his people have any semblance of protection” rant. The heroine who we think is going to save the day is basically dragged through her character development and all her progress is destroyed very quickly because of this ridiculous need to pretend that the underdog is always right (Mal, power is evil, blah blah blah).

Somehow, we’re supposed to just be ok with the fact that a group of people who haven’t exactly showed that they care about Grisha suffering are going to save them from prosecution? I mean, let’s not forget that this group includes: Mal who we already know is prejudiced against Grisha, Alina who *sigh* so much potential wasted there, Nikolai who I have decided exists for comic relief because I will not be convinced that a “maybe prince who is also a Jack sparrow type pirate should be king of a country with very complex social and political situations.” Like, I’m looking at this group of supposed saviors and honestly, I would rather take my chances with the 500 year old extremely powerful Grisha who scares everyone. Let’s not even forget that we’re somehow supposed to consider Baghra one of the good guys for “warning Alina,” even though 2 episodes later, we basically see that Baghra doesn’t exactly care about the survival of the Grisha.

Give people a truly evil villain and we will act accordingly. Don’t give us a Magneto type villain with legitimate points and then expect us to treat him like Voldermot or something. You can even decide to not understand Magneto because hello, we are given real alternatives to his problem solving skills right away. But with The Darkling it’s just “he’s pure evil because I said so, but like also this is how he got here, but also he’s super evil, but like do you understand where he’s coming from? but also he’s super evil even though he has points.” That’s not a villain dear, that’s a good person doing bad things and needs to be shown a better way.

You can’t give me an antagonist with a compelling, truly tragic backstory and then be like “now that you understand why and how this character ended up in this dark place and you can see that all this was probably avoidable if so and so did/didn’t happen, let’s totally blow up their life because so what if they’ve deeply suffered?” Especially when there’s a path to redemption right there in the protagonist who you have made sure to establish has a deep bond/connection with this person.

You want to write pure evil? Give me a character that has no remorse, no capacity to care for anyone or anything else, no reason for his cruelty, etc. Don’t give me guy who uses his power to keep his people safe and then falls in love with his soulmate so deeply he can’t stop looking at her and holding her hand in front of the whole country.

Also, can we like actually address the issue that got Nina kidnapped, made the Darkling who he is, and forces all Grisha to basically only have one life plan?

It would be so much easier to believe that The Darkling is a villain if there was an actual alternative to him, but there isn’t.

And btw, in this age of social justice, the fact that LB didn’t think people will see the value in a person from a marginalized community doing whatever is necessary to free his people from oppression is just LOL.

Ok, incoherent rant over.

[serpenteve]

so i still hate book!mal 😒

I'm almost done re-reading the Grisha trilogy (because I hate myself) and I kept getting annoyed by how so many of Mal's lines that Bardugo clearly thought were "romantic" and swoon-worthy are literally just telegraphing how possessive, toxic, narcissistic, selfish and entitled he is?

I don't think I can fully express how completely she failed in trying to endear this character to me because so much of what he says and does reminds me of the toxic and controlling people I've known 😬

Note: This has nothing to do with m*lina shippers. This post is not for you. You guys can ship what you want and it's none of my business. This is just an examination of the book character's dialogue and why I (and many other people) felt uneasy about him.

part one: shadow & bone

We see the first glimpse of Mal's possessiveness and jealousy when he first encounters Alina at the Little Palace:

"And here you are, safe and sound, dancing and flirting like some cosseted little princess." [...] “Are you happy here, Alina?” The question took me by surprise. “I … I don’t know. Sometimes.” “Are you happy here with him?” [...] “The clothes, the jewels, even the way you look. He’s all over you." [...] “Just admit it,” he sneered. “He owns you.”

Apparently, we're supposed to excuse his blatant slut-shaming and anger because....he's been on a perilous assignment where his friends died and he thought Alina was being tortured. But I fail to see how this makes any sense because if you thought the person you loved was in danger and you'd risked your life just to see them and then discover they are actually safe and sound....would you not be overjoyed and relieved? This whole time you thought they were suffering or in danger but it turns out they're completely safe and cared for!

It's especially telling that instead of asking about anything else, Mal seems particularly interested in Alina's relationship with the Darkling, and maps their relationship dynamic as "ownership" simply because Alina wears black. His vicious tone suggests to me that he's just salty he's not the one "owning" Alina.

The real reason Mal is pissed is because Alina is happy without him (and potentially with another love interest) and he can't stand that because he feels personally entitled to have her.

Later, he admits to ruminating about this moment like an unhinged stalker:

“Do you? That night at the palace when I saw you on that stage with him, you looked so happy. Like you belonged with him. I can’t get that picture out of my head.” “I was happy,” I admitted. “In that moment, I was happy. I’m not like you, Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never really belonged anywhere.” “You belonged with me,” he said quietly.

This passage has always telegraphed Mal's sense of entitlement towards Alina. Prior to her getting whisked away to the Little Palace, Mal showed little romantic affection for Alina. But now that she's the fabled Sun Summoner, he comes off like he thinks he's more entitled to Alina than anyone else simply because they grew up together.

Alina even frankly tells him that she hasn't felt like she belonged with him for a long time. Instead of exploring why that might be, why they might have been on diverging paths, why Mal has made Alina feel like she is unworthy of his romantic feelings until now, Mal goes on what I assume is supposed to be a romantic speech:

"I’ve risked my life for you. I’ve walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I’d do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don’t tell me we don’t belong together"

Again, this reeks of entitlement and manipulation. This is one of those lines that I see certain m*lina shippers using as proof of how "nice" Mal is but it honestly kind of scares me? He doesn't care about Alina's feelings or want to explore why she felt so distant from him. He's the one in charge and if he did X, Y, Z for Alina then he's entitled to have her and she's just going to have to accept that.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

This specific line on its own doesn't necessarily have to be bad. We've certainly seen variations of this in other media. But combined with his sense of entitlement, how he treats Alina in the later books, and the fact that she needed to transform into a literal sunbeam for Mal to even consider her as a romantic prospect, it just makes me roll my eyes. Why should Alina be the one to look past Mal's obliviousness when he's barely given her the time of day and reacted so negatively at the mere suggestion that she might have found happiness with another man? Why should Alina just forgive Mal's jealousy when he has a reputation for sleeping around that Alina has kindly ignored even though it deeply hurt her?

I don't care if you danced naked on the roof of the Little Palace with him. I love you, Alina, even the part of you that loved him.”

This is supposed to be Mal's "apology" for his outburst at the Little Palace and I was on-board with it up until the last part. This is another line I see m*lina shippers pointing to as proof that Mal doesn't have a toxic madonna/whore complex and doesn't care about Alina's previous romantic interests. But the problem is that he treats Alina's previous affections for the Darkling as a moral stain on her character. It's a back-handed compliment that amounts to: "I don't care if you had sex with him because I'll still love you, even that stupid and slutty part of you that loved him"

He touched my cheek lightly, and when he spoke again, his voice was low and raw. “I never want to see you in black again.”

Again, this is meant to be romantic but it just makes me feel very uncomfortable. Mal is so hyperfixated on the Darkling "marking" Alina with a color. It would be one thing if Alina is also equally or more perturbed by the color, but she just isn't? Or at least she's not as obsessed with it as Mal appears to be.

[kallypsowrites]

Shadow and Bone Overall Thoughts

I am...still dazed. It was honest to god so good. I have a few gripes here and there. A few small things I’m sad didn’t make it from the books and a few aesthetic details. But over all, I’m just so in love with it all.

THE GOOD

1. The Crows. God the Crows. They worked so well together. They were so charming. Had so much chemistry. They were funny. Jesper, Kaz and Inej each had their great moments and I honestly can’t say who I loved most. But as far as nuance goes, I loved Jesper’s humor, Kaz’s intensity and love for Inej and Inej’s faith and moral conflict. All actors knocked it out of the park.

2. Mal. I need to do a side by side comparison of how they changed his lines because its almost like someone read every line of his that I critiqued in my book reviews and changed it to be the opposite. And honestly? Bless. I was never mad at him. Now was I invested in he and Alina’s relationship? At times. But more as friends, which I’ve always liked them most as. And apparently the show does too because they didn’t kiss???? Like dang, that was a twist. And I really liked his separate arc and his poor friends. I felt for him at many moments and wanted to give him a hug! So that’s great!

3. Helnik. God I love a good enemies to lovers. They were the most removed from the main story but I. LOVE. NINA. I love her. She’s so great and so funny and they had great chemistry. My heart breaks for them and I look forward to seeing more next season

4. Kanej. I already kind of mentioned this but the INTENSITY. The LOYALTY. She KILLED someone for him!!! He killed people for her and ransomed the Crow club!!! Amazing!!

5. The scenery/effects. Outside of a few effects, all of the aesthetic was gorgeous with ONE major detail I’ll get to in a sec.

6. Alina. Jessie is perfect as her. Human sunshine. Ray of hope. light of my life. I will never picture anyone else.

7. The Darkling. Ben was so............human??? And wonderful??? And badass??? And ruthless??? And we got backstory??? I love him so fucking much.

8. Darklina bitches. Every scene was a serve. The build up. The first kiss. The make out. Absolutely wrecked me every moment. I have never seen a hotter kissing scene. And it really was so soft. Obviously there are lots of moments of toxicity, lies, manipulation. But Ben made me BELIEVE those feelings were real. Not all of that shit was faked. Unfortunately, my guy the Darkling does not know what an apology is or how to voice his feelings so he goes all villain in the final episodes, but fuck it, that was hot too.

9. Greater exploration of the politics and the reasoning. I still think it was heavy handed at times and kind of makes an unfortunate case for ‘but consider maybe the Grisha are bad and people are right to be scared of them’ at the end, but the books kinda did that too. Weirdly the show gave him more of a reason (the enemy general) so that was nice.

A few nitpicks:

1. The amplifiers. Its just...ugly. They could have been so cool. Really aesthetic. But I think they changed it just to make the collaring scene more brutal which wasn’t necessary.

2. Some worldbuilding clumsiness but only in the first episodes. After that I just started rolling with it.

3. A few missing moments from the books. Darklina stuff mostly because I’m a slut for them. But i won’t complain.

Over all, I’m a happy fucking camper. Thank you Netflix. Thank you to the cast. Thank you everyone. I’m going to watch again very soon!

[morganayenneferburnham]

Have I Known You 20 Seconds or 20 Years? – Nikolai Lantsov Series

Chapter 1: Devils Roll the Dice, Angels Roll their Eyes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33661984/chapters/83654680

A very short summary: Y/N has been working with the crows for a few years. Her life feels complete until she meets the insufferable Nikolai Lantsov. She finds herself forced to work with the King of Ravka on one of Kaz Brekker's crazy schemes.

Nikolai Lantsov. King of Ravka. He was privateer extraordinaire Sturmhond?

Word count: 2k

A/N:  So I wrote my first fic! Hopefully at least one person likes it! I just posted the first chapter today. The second one should follow somewhat soon ☺️I’m currently writing the third chapter!

Chapter 1: Devils Roll the Dice, Angels Roll their Eyes

Nikolai Lantsov. King of Ravka. He was privateer extraordinaire Sturmhond?

Y/N couldn’t quite believe it. She had been a fan of him for years. Asking for the latest news on the voyages of the Volkvolny and its captain every chance she got. They were legendary. When Kaz had told her a few days prior that Sturmhond was going to be with them for a job she had barely been able to contain her excitement. Now, she was mortified. How could she work with a king?

Had she not been standing next to Kaz during the meeting she’d never have believed it.

“How long have you known, Kaz? I mean, I know you’ve worked with him before but…” her voice trailed off in a question.

“I figured it out when we first met.” His mind traveled back to that day. Meeting the privateer by the Geldrenner hotel’s baths, just a few years ago. They had been trying to save Kuwei Yul-Bo, a Shu inferni who’d had the misfortune of being the son of the fabrikator who created Jurda Parem, making him the most valuable hostage in the world. They had auctioned him off, faked his death, and gotten revenge on Jan Van Eck all at the same time. “The king of Ravka wouldn’t just let anyone represent his country in important matters. The fact that he always travels with at least one member of the Triumvirate doesn’t help him keep his identity secret either.” He scoffed. “He really should stop doing that.” Kaz sounded almost… annoyed?

“I take it you’ve given him that particular piece of advice and he didn’t listen?” She smirked. “Though, you know, I’m glad Zoya Nazyalenski tagged along. She is even more gorgeous than I thought.”

“He never listens. Almost as stubborn as you.” He huffed. The glare he gave her would’ve been enough to scare most people, however, she was not most people. She considered Kaz family, and she knew that Kaz did too, in his own way. They had both lost siblings to the city after all. She had joined his crew a few months after they had lost Matthias and Nina had gone back to Ravka. He had needed a new corporalnik and she had made fast friends with Inej, Jesper, and Wylan. As much as Kaz had tried to keep the young tailor at arm’s length, she had found a way to worm herself into his cold guarded heart. His look softened before he continued. “You should steer clear of her. She’s just as icy as she appears. Wouldn’t want you to get your heart broken before the job.” That was his way of showing he cared.

“Don’t worry, Kaz, I’m not looking to marry her. Maybe she’d be open to a bit of fun?” She laughed, throwing her long auburn hair over her shoulder, and made her way back to Jesper and Wylan down the corridor.

---

A few days had passed since they’d met with Sturmhond. He and Zoya had temporarily moved into the slat. Kaz had been cooped up in his office, wearing his scheming face most of that time. Everyone could tell Kaz’s plan was going to involve multiple steps and deceptions.

Since they hadn’t been working any other jobs, the crows had been left to their own devices for the first time in months. Kaz occasionally called on them for their expertise, but they had a lot more downtime than they were used to. They had taken advantage of it to get to know their new teammates. Y/N had mostly struck out with Zoya, though she had managed to make her laugh a few times, to everyone’s surprise. Maybe with more time, she’d have a small chance with Zoya? The young grisha had also tried to wrap her head around the identity of her favourite privateer. She now found herself sitting in Kaz’s office, Jesper and Wylan on her right and Sturmhond and Zoya on her left. Kaz looked all business, so serious she feared he’d give himself an aneurysm.

“I need you to tailor him. Once you’re done, you’ll tailor yourself.” Kaz nodded in Sturmhond’s direction sitting behind his cluttered desk, hands resting on his crow’s head cane.

Y/N looked up at Inej who had been sitting at Kaz’s window. “May I ask why? Hasn’t he already been tailored?” She gestured to the privateer before returning her hand to her lap. “He doesn’t look like the king of Ravka.”

Kaz rolled his eyes. “Why must you always question me?” He sighed. “Yes, he has been tailored, nonetheless, he is too easily recognizable as Sturmhond. I need you both to look like rich Kaelish merchants. It shouldn’t be too hard for you?”

“Of course not. You know there’s nothing I can’t do, Brekker.” She replied in Kaelish. She softened her tone before continuing in Kerch. “I’m simply asking you to share your brilliant scheme with us mere mortals” Her voice was laced with sarcasm. Inej stifled a laugh. It looked like the Suli girl couldn’t help but smile at the other’s antics.

Kaz groaned. “Fine, I’ll share my plan for the job. It’d be easier if you just listened. I’ll explain it once so pay attention – Jesper!” Poor Jesper jumped on his chair. He’d been staring at Sturmhond since they’d all entered the office. Y/N couldn’t blame him. The privateer did have an inexplicable charm despite his tailored features.

“Yes, Boss!” Jesper straightened in his chair and sent an apologetic look to Wylan.

“Alright, to pull this one off we’ll need blueprints that can only be found in Gert Van Verent’s safe. He keeps his office under lock and key – ”

“Wait, you want us to break into a councilman’s house, again? Why can’t you do it Kaz? You’re the best at picking locks.”

“Well, if you hadn’t interrupted me” he was glaring daggers at her now, his eyes the hue of bitter coffee “you’d know that two guards are posted outside his office, at all times” he’d emphasized the last part and raised a hand to stop Y/N from interrupting him again “and his windows are protected behind steel bars.” Y/N nodded once slowly indicating she was willing to listen with no more interruptions.

“Van Verent is throwing a party in the hopes of finding his eldest daughter a husband. Being a devout Kerch merchant, he is also using the occasion to find new business ventures. The party is our window of opportunity. That-” he gestured to her and Sturmhond “is where you two come in. Ainsley and Eoin Ó Ceallaigh, newlyweds from the Wandering Isle, looking to extend your exporting business to Kerch. I already secured your invitation” Y/N felt her jaw drop. No sound came out. All she could do was stare at Kaz. He had finally lost it. He wanted her and the king of Ravka to assume false identities and pretend to be married? Dirtyhands had gone mad.

Wylan was the one who voiced her concern. “Kaz? I know Y/N’s a talented tailor and well she is Kaelish so that part’s covered but, well, um, no disrespect Sturm-, Sir? Your Highness? But, um, do you speak Kaelish?”

The king smiled. He looked amused at Wylan’s confusion. He replied in perfect unaccented Kaelish “Call me Nikolai, it will make for less confusing conversation. Of course, I speak Kaelish, I have been educated in 6 languages. I also had a fondness for Kaelish poetry in my youth.”

Everyone seemed to relax at that. However, Y/N could tell she was going to need Jesper’s help to undo the knots in her shoulders later that night. “Kaz? I don’t think I’m that great of an actress… You also haven’t told us how we’re supposed to get the plans if we do get in.”

“Don’t worry darling, I’m sure we’ll manage. I’m talented enough for the both of us” Nikolai winked at her. Nikolai, who just so happened to be the privateer she had admired for years. She felt her cheeks flush. Saints, she thought, this is going to be a nightmare.

“Jesper and Wylan have also been invited to the party thanks to Wylan’s new position on the merchant’s council.” She had never been more grateful to Kaz for overlooking the interruptions. “They’ll cause a distraction, with Nazyalenski’s help, to let you and Nikolai slip past the guards and break into Van Verent’s office.” He stopped and looked at Y/N. “I know you can pick the lock and crack the safe. I trained you myself after all.”

The discussions and planning continued well into the night. Y/N wasn’t convinced it was such a good plan, but everyone else seemed on board so she kept her mouth shut. All she could do now was make sure to memorize all she could before the job. The party was two days away, which didn’t give them much time to learn all they could about their characters. Kaz had instructed Nikolai and Y/N to spend every waking moment working together to make sure they made a believable couple.

Twelve hours in, Y/N was cursing herself for saying she wasn’t a great actress. If she’d only pretended to be confident in her acting abilities, she might have been allowed to take a break from the insufferable king. Well, insufferable might have been a little dramatic but the man loved himself way too much. They had memorized their stories in the first 8 hours and were now being quizzed by Wylan and Jesper while she started tailoring them both, yet the King would not stop flirting with her. He also made sure to touch her every chance he got. A brush of his fingers on her cheek, of his knuckles on hers, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. She knew it was just harmless fun for him. It was driving her completely mad. She just wanted him to take the job seriously.

“How did he propose?” Wylan asked for the third time in the past two hours.

Y/N sighed and moved her fingers through Nikolai’s hair to darken it. “It was incredibly romantic. He had planned a picnic by the lake where we met.” Her cheeks were already starting to hurt from the plastered smile on her face.

“I had all of her favourite foods, of course” Nikolai interjected, moving to softly caress the girl’s cheek.

Y/N had to restrain herself from slapping his hand away. “Yes, even strawberries, in winter! Can you believe it? Once the sun began to set, he dropped to one knee and pulled the ring from the picnic basket with a bouquet of winter roses. I’m so lucky to have fallen in love with such an attentive and caring man.” She turned to Kaz who had been observing them, leaning against the doorframe, and dropped the smile from her lips. “Was that satisfactory, Boss?”

Kaz shrugged. “It’d be better if you didn’t look like you wanted to stab him every time he touches you.”

Y/N released a breath. “Maybe if you’d let me take a break...” her tone was pleading.

Kaz smiled at that. He was finally wearing her down. Giving her a taste of what she’d put him through the last two years felt like sweet justice to him. He liked the girl well enough, but she had a way of getting on his nerves. He took no pity on her. “You’ll keep going until I actually believe you are in love with him.” He left the room with a pointed look at her.

Zoya released an amused laugh. “I’m just glad Nikolai found someone else to bother for a change.” She smiled smugly at Y/N. “Don’t worry, he’s mostly harmless. Just come find me if he gets too handsy, I’ll put him in his place for you.”

Y/N couldn’t believe it. Zoya had definitely sent her a wink before following behind Kaz. Maybe all her flirting had paid off?

“Sweetheart, I’m hurt, you are taking more interest in my general than in your own handsome husband.” Nikolai’s tone was toeing the line between mock hurt and amused.

She turned back to the three men in front of her. “Jesper, please, just shoot me.”