#if you took personal offence then my bad i guess but i truly am not interested in debating with anyone

[gothvince]

just fyi i’ve never vagued about anyone in specifc on this blog, if you believe one of my posts is directed towards you... you’re wrong? this is specifically in response to the person i have blocked who screenshotted my jacquesjuice post.

i was talking about the ship in a server with friends. the post was literally only made to talk about how i hc beej as gay for jacques. it’s not that deep. i, as the op, did not direct that towards u or anyone else. the tag “you’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me he’s straight” wasnt directed at anyone either it was just like. a general “you” thing.

i block shippers because i am uncomfortable with the ship. like that’s it. i’ve never harrassed anyone or said anything derogatory or vagued anyone on this blog. sometimes i’ll make a general Opinion Post about something i see or hear from a friend, but like... it’s my personal blog and i can do that.

[levis-hazelnut]

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): ig there’s suggestions of sex, but only if you squint.

Taglist (closed!): @castellandiangelo @fandom-addict19​ @20coldhearts​

Status: completed!

part 5 > part 6 > part 7

series masterlist

(B/N) = brother’s name

"What's up with her? Why is she so bubbly and giddy?" Levi murmured to the female that stood beside him and gently gripped his hand as they both leaned against the wall outside Petra's lecture hall. "It's her birthday tomorrow. Did she not mention it?" Petra replied, looking up at her boyfriend. "Yeah, she did. But I don't get why she looks so happy as if she's getting married or something." "Levi, Petra!" I beamed and walked up to them with a grin on my face. I glanced down at their fingers that intertwined with each other before flickering my eyes up at their faces, not paying attention to it. "How are you two?"

"Good," was Levi's curt reply. "We're fine. What about you?" was Petra's sweeter reply. "I'm great. I was just heading to the cafe because I'm craving some coffee. So, I'll see you two later." "Oh, okay. Bye,” the female smiled at me before I walked away. "Wait, (Y/N)," Levi said just as I took two steps.

I turned around to see him peck Petra's lips and say a few words to her before she strolled into her lecture hall, and we made our way outside. The smile remained on my lips, however, it was not fake. You see, those two have been dating for two months now so any kind of affection they express doesn't affect my mood too much. Yes, I feel jealousy but it doesn't make me too upset like it did at the start. I mean, I kind of still wish for them to break up, but it's whatever. I don't want to be a bitch and mess up their relationship just because I like him. They're happy together and I don't want to ruin that, especially because seeing them happy actually makes me happy "(Y/N)!" Levi and I stopped in our tracks, looking behind to see Jean. I grinned at him and he returned it before the three of us continued our journey to the cafe which was a few minutes away. "Happy birthday, baby girl." "First of all, do not call me that. Second of all, why are you saying it today if my birthday is tomorrow?" "Because I might not see you tomorrow." "What do you mean?" I inquired before a frown made its way onto my face. "You better not go and disappear for a month again, otherwise my sole purpose in finding you will be to slap your ass. I swear--" "Hey, hey, hey, I never said anything about going anywhere," he chuckled softly. "Although, I wouldn't mind if you slap--" "Shut up. So, why won't you see me?" "I don't know. I thought you wouldn't come in since it's your birthday, and I'm guessing you would do something with your family or something." "Oh, I see. But, I will be coming in, even though we have lectures all day tomorrow, and I honestly don't know what I'm doing yet." "I can plan a little party for just both of us," he smirked, so I playfully slapped his arm. "Hm. Looks like you've also got many fans, darlin'," Levi muttered to me so I rolled my eyes. "What, are you denying it?" "Do I ever have a swarm of boys surrounding me if I'm just standing in the corridor, doing nothing? Or have males years older hit on me?" "No, but you do have quite a bit of fans that you may or may not know about." "What are you saying? Has someone said something to you?" "Who was the heartthrob before I appeared?" My eyes widened when I realised what he was saying. The heartthrob in our university likes me? Let me tell you a bit about him. First of all, his name is Lucius, sexy-ass name, hands down (no, I do not want to name my son Lucius, in hopes that he'll turn out to look like him). His skin is so smooth, spotless and is a tan hue (no, I do not want to caress his perfectly, beautiful face). He has the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen; they're green with specks of brown around his iris (no, I have not just stared into his eyes in the middle of a conversation). He has a straight-edged nose that looks too fun to boop (no, I have never dreamt about doing that). He has the perfect, soft, plump lips that just urge females to kiss him (no, I am not one of those females). He has an angular jaw that could possibly cut me if I do so much as poke it (no, I have never tried touching it to see if my prediction is true). Now, let me go to his hair. Ah, his hair. It's a light brown which looks so soft and fun to play with (no, I do not want to run my fingers through his hair). And that is his description. God, I'll be lying if I said I haven't drooled over him. And the best thing is that he doesn't have that fuckboy personality, however, he is egoistic. But, it's not that bad. He's surprisingly kind and doesn't just talk to the 'cool people'.

I've only spoken to him a few times, and maybe we exchanged numbers, and maybe I've hung out with him, and maybe I've gone over to his house and he's come over to mine. Although, nothing has ever happened, and he has never tried to ask me out on a date, so I never saw this coming. "No way. You're lying," I spoke, still surprised. "I've never seen you speak to him. I don't believe you. Who told you? When did you find out? Lucius does not like me. Do not lie to me, Ackerman." The raven smirked. "Someone has a crush on him." I scoffed. "No, I don't... It's just shocking that the heartthrob of our uni supposedly likes me out of all people. Tell me where you heard this." "The previous heartthrob, I'm the current one," he corrected, being a cocky mf, before continuing when I rolled my eyes. "And just because you've never seen me talk to him, doesn't mean I haven't." "When did you find out?" "Last week." "Bitch, why didn't you tell me then, you asshole?" "Because I never knew you had feelings for him." "I do not. And I still don't believe you--" "It's true. What Levi's saying is true," the brown-haired male on my left told me as I walked in between them. "And how do you know?" I crossed my arms. "He told me as well, but this was a few months ago. The only reason he told me was that he knew you and I were close and thought that I could help him. However, I didn't because--" "Yeah, I know," I cut him off, already knowing the answer which was that Jean still liked me at the time. "Yeah, that's why he told me as well," Levi said, opening the door to the cafe. I let Jean go in first and I followed after him, Levi trailing behind. "I mean, he never told me to tell you, but to help him I thought I should tell you, which makes it easier. And since you two like each other, go fuck." I scowled and lightly slapped his bicep for being so vulgar. "I'm being honest, I don't have any feelings for him. What am I meant to do now?" "Darlin', Lucius, the former heartthrob, has his eyes on you. And you aren't going to do anything about it?" "What do you expect me to do? Lie to him, get into a loving relationship, which will be completely one-sided, and then get married?" I questioned, standing in the queue. "Yeah." "Are you a fucking idiot?" "(Y/N), there are probably hundreds of girls that would love to be in your place," Jean pointed out. "Yeah, I'm not one of them," I muttered, my heart still clinging onto Levi who was taken and obviously doesn't like me, whereas, there's Lucius, who's kind, sweet, funny, single and so damn sexy, and he's the one that likes me. Why is life so difficult? "I can't just force myself to fall in love with him." "What's stopping you?" Levi asked. "Even I think he's a dream guy." You are the only dream guy. "So do I," Jean said. "Nothing's stopping me. I just don't feel anything for him," I stated with a shrug. "Tch. Is Eren working today? I'm not bothered to wait in this queue and hear your shit." "You don't have to be so rude," I pouted in mock offence. "Anyway, I don't think so." "You might want to think again, princess," an additional voice joined the conversation. I found Eren walking towards us after clearing a table. "What are these two annoying you about?" "Apparently, Lucius Silva likes me. These two are trying to help him and want me to date him, however, I don't want to because I simply don't have any romantic feelings for him. They think something is stopping me from dating him. You know I've never actually developed feelings for that stupidly beautiful guy. Yeah, I do find him hot as fuck and so sweet, but I truly don't have a crush on him or whatever." "Lucius? That guy in your uni that every girl falls for?" he asked and I nodded. "He is charming, but you have no feelings for him, so forget about it." "Thank you. So both you idiots can forget about it. I'm going to talk to him myself so stay out of it now." "This is coming from another one of your fans. He probably just wants you to himself," Levi murmured. "Why are you so eager to make me date him? I'll date who I truly like and when I want to." "Who is this person that you truly like?" Jean inquired. "... No one. I'm saying that once I find that person, I'll date them." "Hey, leave her alone now, Horseface. Let (Y/N) do what she wants," Eren backed you up, draping an arm around your shoulders. "Anyway, here's a free table so you can sit down. What do you guys want?" "I--" "Wait, ladies first," Eren cut Jean off with a smirk. "Just my usual coffee. Thanks." "Of course. And Levi?" "An Earl Grey with no milk." "Okay. And what do you want, Jean?" "A--" "Sorry, we're out of that." "Eren, stop being a jerk. Let Jean order," I told him, holding back my laugh. "Could I have a tuna sandwich, please?" he said through gritted teeth. "Sure. I'll bring your orders soon." "Thank you, Eren." "He's such a prick." "Well, he's a prick that stopped you guys from forcing me to date Lucius-- Oh, god, why?" I groaned and flitted my eyes away from the entrance of the cafe as Levi and Jean's eyes wandered over to where I was previously looking, finding Lucius walking in by himself. "Ah, perfect timing," Jean smiled and I shot him a glare. "Are you going to say anything?" "No. But if he comes up to me, then yeah. Ugh, and it looks like he's coming to our table," I mumbled. "Hey, stop stressing. This would've been completely normal if we hadn't told you," Levi murmured. "Whatever. I hate people-- Hi, Lucius," I beamed. "Hey. Do you mind if I sit?" he asked in that husky, sexy voice that I wish I could listen to all day. And there was a sexy smile playing on his sexy lips, flashing his great teeth that made him all the more charming. Ah, and those dimples. Why does he have to look so good? “Of course," I smiled and removed my bag from the only unoccupied seat, allowing him to sit next to me. It was a round table that made us kind of sit in a circle and my situation was not okay. Uh, I'm kind of sitting in between both of the most attractive men I've met - Levi and Lucius. Ugh, I can just bet I'm blushing so hard right now. I want to get out of this position. Where's Eren? He'll save me. "It's your birthday tomorrow, right?" "Yeah. I haven't planned anything special since I don't know what I want to do." "I offered--" Jean started but I kicked his shin under the table. "Nevermind." "Why don't we do something together, like us four and any other friends you want?" "Um, I'll see because I think my family might be planning something. But, your idea does sound great." "Make sure you let me know if you're free." If he didn't say to invite other friends, it would literally sound like he's asking me out on a date. "I will. Anyway, tell me your order." "It's fine. I can go order myself." "You can, but you'll have to wait in the queue. Just tell me what you want." "Okay," he grinned. "Can I just have an iced coffee, please?" "Sure. I'll be right back," I stated and stood up from my seat, finally being able to escape. I exhaled and found Eren, holding a tray with our orders on it. "(Y/N). What do you need?" "Lucius kind of joined our table and I needed a way to get up from the table, so could I have an iced coffee for him?" "Yeah, you can wait by the counter if you don't want to sit there yet. I'm just going to give these to the two idiots and make his iced coffee." "Okay." I stood by the counter, waiting for Eren to come back and he soon did, beginning to make Lucius' beverage. "What happened? Why were you so uncomfortable?" "Well, I just found out today that Lucius likes me so obviously I don't want to talk to him straight away. And I was sitting in between him and Levi. And he told me that if I don't have plans for my birthday, me and those idiots sitting at the table should go out and I can invite other friends." "I see... I honestly don't know what you should do. Just try and forget about it since you have no feelings for him." "Eren, what if we do go somewhere tomorrow and he ends up asking me out or telling me he likes me?" "Wow. I've never seen a girl not want to date him. I bet even Hanji would even though she has a boyfriend," Eren chuckled and I frowned at him since it wasn't amusing for me. "Anyway, if that happens, turn him down. Don't be rude about it, just let him know you aren't interested in getting into a relationship." "But what if he doesn't talk to me anymore? I still want to be friends." "Why do you want to be friends with everyone? You have to let some people go." "Lucius is not a person, he's an angel. And I want to be friends with him because he's a great guy in general." "Then tell him that even though he likes you, things won't be awkward and you still want to be in contact with him." "I actually love you so much," I blurted out and Eren grinned, handing me the cool drink. "Anyway, thank you so much for your help." "No problem. Now, go sit down and forget about everything. Boys are idiots, just remember that." I giggled and nodded before giving him a small wave and sitting down at the table. I placed the iced coffee in front of Lucius who smiled at me. Do not smile at me. You're already attractive, a smile makes you look like a freaking Adonis. "Thank you." "You're welcome." ~/~ So, it looks like I'm going to go out with Lucius, Levi and Jean since my family decided that it would be better for me to spend my birthday with my friends. However, people I wanted to invite didn't come since they said they were busy with something. Like bitch, it's my birthday, you aren't allowed to be busy. Even Eren and Hanji aren't coming. I thought Eren, of all people, would come to help me. "(Y/N)! Hey," the tanned male smiled as he approached me, in the place where we agreed to meet up, which was just outside our university. "Oh, hey," I replied. "Jean and Levi have something to do. They cancelled last minute." "What?" I uttered, realising it'll just be me and him. I hate everyone. "Yeah, they said they have to do something, I don't know what it was. Do you still want to go somewhere?" "... Sure," I spoke after some consideration. "Do you have anything in mind?" "You're the birthday girl, you choose." "I don't mind. I'm literally up for anything." "Well, I was thinking of going ice skating, if you want." "Yeah, that sounds fun." "Let's go, then," he smiled. But it was a different kind of smile. I couldn't tell what it was, but it wasn't his usual, charming smile. I brushed it off as I followed him towards his car. He first opened the boot to let me put my backpack and the gift bags I had inside before closing it. He then opened the door for me, I gave him a small smile and 'thank you' before sitting down as he gently shut it before sitting in the driver's seat. "Did any of your other friends not want to come?" "They all apparently had something to do--" I was cut off by my phone ringing, so I fished it out of my pocket before answering it. "Hello?" "Hey, (Y/N)." "Eren. Aren't you meant to be busy doing something?" I asked coldly. "Hey, don't be annoyed. I have an assignment to give in on Monday but I didn't even make a start on it until now. Anyway, I'm taking a break to talk to my princess since I'm sure she isn't having a great time without me. Are you going out with Jean, Levi and Lucius?" "No. Levi and Jean also cancelled. I didn't expect everyone to try and avoid me on my birthday" "You're nineteen years old now, stop acting as if you're nine so don't sulk," he told me, making me wonder how he knew I was sulking. "And, I'm not avoiding you. Aren't I the only one who called you?" "Maybe... But, I'm still not happy with you." "Okay, so what are you doing now?" "I'm going to go ice skating with Lucius, my only true friend." Eren chuckled on the other side of the phone and I heard the male driving laugh as well. "I'm sorry. I'll try and finish this shitty thing before Monday and then I'll promise to take you somewhere. I'll even force everyone to come." "Thank you," I grinned. "I'll see you soon." "Okay, bye." "Everything okay?" "Eren just decided to check up on me. He has some assignment to do." "Brunette, teal eyes?" "Yeah. I introduced you to him before. And we hung out a couple of times." "I like him, he's a good person." During the rest of the journey, we spoke some more before we eventually reached the ice rink. We paid (well, Lucius did since he said he has to treat the birthday girl), we put on our skates and stepped onto the rink. However, I had some trouble since I hate falling on my butt if I slip. Also, what if when I fall, someone's skates slice my fingers? So much danger. "(Y/N), there are people behind you, come on." I bit the inside of my cheek before taking the attractive man's outstretched hand, stepping onto the ice. I wobbled but he kept me up, making sure that I wouldn't fall. I reached to grab the ledge of the rink, but Lucius had other ideas. He prevented me from holding onto the rim and took me to the middle as his grip loosened on my hand. "No! Don't let go!" I shouted, clutching his hand as he chuckled, puffs of air emanating from his nose and mouth. "I never knew you were scared of something like ice skating," he said, leading me back to the edge of the rink so I could hold onto it. He still stayed by my side, smirking at me. "What are you smiling about?" I inquired, with the arch of my eyebrow. "You look adorable when you're afraid," he told me quietly, causing a red tint to creep onto my cheeks. "I'm going to let go now. I'm coming back to you in five minutes, and I want to see you twirling in the middle like a ballerina," he teased and I playfully rolled my eyes. "You ask for too much." "Well, if you aren't skating by yourself in five minutes, I'm going to drag you back to the middle and leave you." "You're so mean. I'm going to die." "It's an ice rink. How the hell are you going to die?" he laughed softly. "Someone's skates can slice my neck if I fall." "That's very unlikely. Anyway, I'll see you in a few." "Okay." I tried skating by myself, but every time I did, I felt as if someone was going to knock me down and kill me. Yeah, I may be being dramatic, but I'm sure it can happen. Soon, I was kind of, sort of, not really skating away from the edge, which is when the heartthrob decides to scare me, causing me to flinch and slip. However, you know those stupid, rom-com films in those cliché moments when a character is about to fall, someone (and that someone just happens to be a love interest or some shit like that) saves them by catching them and it's all romantic and stupid and they end up kissing. Yeah, well, this is one of those stupid cliché moments where Lucius catches me and my arms wrap around him, and our faces are only centimetres away. He quickly straightened both of us so we were standing, and he just blinked at me when I stared at the ice beneath my skates. Fortunately, we didn't kiss. "Thanks," I muttered. "Don't worry about it. Also, I'm happy to see that you aren't holding onto something." "Well, I thought that it would be better to skate myself than to have you force me." "True. However, I don't see you twirling like a ballerina." "Hey, no, I'm not doing that. You can't even do that." "You sure about that? Watch." He seized my hand once again and took me to the middle where he started to spin and skate. I gaped in amazement before he came back to my side, bringing me to spin and skate with him. I refused at first, but he ended up getting me to do it. And guess what? I fell. On my butt. Which is what I didn't want to happen. However, no one sliced my fingers off and Lucius helped me stand. When I was standing, we found out that our session was over so we had to leave the ice rink (aka, death valley). "Do you regret skating?" "No. I had fun. Thank you," I smiled. "Anyway, you know me so you should know my next question." "Where are we eating?" he guessed. "Yep." "What do you feel like?" "Uhh... Maybe Italian? What do you want?" "I don't care. But, I don't feel like sitting in a restaurant, I'd rather relax at one of our apartments and eat there. So takeaway?" "Sure, that sounds so much better than being in a place full of people. Want to chill at mine?" "Okay, let's go." Lucius and I got our food before driving towards my apartment, where I'm guessing Hanji was probably doing work or something since she was so busy to miss my birthday. I mean, it's half past six so maybe I could do something with her later. We parked near the apartment complex and walked up the stairs before I got my keys, unlocking the door to find all of the lights off. I frowned before turning on the light in the corridor, taking my shoes off as Lucius did the same. "I'm home!" I called like I usually did before locking the door and padding over to the living room, where it was dark as well with the tall male following. "I'll get drink--" I started, turning the light on. "SURPRISE!!!" "What the fuck?!" I yelled, taking a step back as my eyes ran over every person that stood in the living room. A couple of tears brimmed my eyes before dropping. "... I hate all of you," I mumbled and covered my face with my hands as I heard laughs. "Aw, (Y/N)." "Why are you crying?" "Hey, come on, you're meant to be smiling." I ignored the rest of the statements when I felt arms loop around me, and I knew who it was without having to look at them. I returned the hug and stuffed my face into their chest. "Happy birthday, princess," Eren whispered as he ruffled my hair. "You know how emotional I can be," I murmured. "Why did you do this?" "Are you saying you don't like it?" "No, I love it. Thank you so much. It's just that I embarrassed myself in front of so many people." “They don't care." "I still hate all of you for tricking me into thinking that you guys don't care about me." "Love you, too," he teased and ruffled my hair once again, pulling away from the embrace. He handed me a tissue and wiped my tears away. "Go change - there's an outfit on your bed." "Okay," I grinned, my eyes only focusing on him since I didn't want to look at anyone else yet. I first went to the bathroom to wash my face before going to my room. I found one of my favourite dresses laying on it, along with some jewellery. I changed into it and put on the jewellery before styling my hair to my liking. I also put on a little bit of makeup prior to looking at my reflection, admiring my attire. Once I was happy with my outfit, I went back to the living room, where everyone was talking. I gave some people a grin when my mother approached me with a smile. "You look very pretty," she complimented me and I thanked her as she led me to the table where a cake rested with candles lit. "Happy birthday, sweetie." I blew out the candles with a smile before cutting it into slices. I was about to take a bite of my cake slice before my father stopped me. "Allow me," he said, taking the cake from my hands and bringing it to my mouth. Instead, he decided to smash it into my face as I let out a small gasp as others laughed. "Here." Levi gave me a tissue which I took. "Oh, Mr Moody, thank you." "Happy birthday, darlin'. I know I said it earlier, but whatever." "Thank you. Oh, I just remembered. I left all the gifts in Lucius' car, I'll go get them." "Oi, idiot, you're the birthday girl. Stay here and I'll ask him to bring them." "You're being surprisingly nice in a way." "Shut up." "Aw, you ruined it." He rolled his eyes before going to find Lucius as I went to Hanji, who was talking to Petra, Isabel and Farlan. They all grinned and greeted me, wishing me a happy birthday and passing me some presents, which I thanked them for. "Hanji, who and when did they plan all this?" "Eren and I did. We've been planning it for about a week, which is why no one went out with you today since they were helping. Thankfully, we had Lucius--" she cut herself with a gasp. "Does Lucius like you?" she asked once she saw that he was nowhere to be seen. "I think so. Both Jean and Levi said he does." "Oh my god!! That's amazing!" she squealed and I snorted. "Wait. Lucius Silva, the most attractive guy in our uni?" Petra questioned in surprise and I nodded. "Wow. I go for like two minutes and you're dreaming about another man," Levi teased when he joined our group conversation. Petra only smiled at him and muttered an 'idiot' under her breath.

"Anyway, has he asked you out, (Y/N)?" she questioned. "Nope. I don't want him to," I told them. "Are you crazy?!" Isabel suddenly shrieked. "He's so good-looking, and so kind, and so attractive, and just amazing! How do you not want him to ask you out?" "I don't wish to date him. I don't have any feelings for him." "Girl, you're crazy stupid." "Petra, you're dating this asshole here. Imagine you didn't like him and you found out he likes you out of all the other girls that hit on him. What would you do?" "I guess I wouldn't date him. I shouldn't force myself to just because of who it is, I should wait to date the right person I like." "Thank you so much. Your idiot boyfriend was saying the complete opposite and told me to get married to Lucius. In fact, other than Eren, you're the only person that understands me in this situation." "Levi, don't force her to date someone she doesn't even like." "Well, she claims she's not dating Eren and that she has no interest in anyone right now, so why shouldn't she go for it?" "I can find him sexy or whatever, but it doesn't mean I actually have feelings for him. I'm not going to magically fall in love with him if he asks me out. I'm going to be pretending and I don't want that. And shut up now since he's back." "(Y/N), I got your presents. Where should I put them?" "Oh, I'll take them to my room. Thanks for getting them." "No problem." I took the gift bags from his hold and placed them on my bed before making my way back to the living room, deciding to join another group. Ah, Eren, Jean, Armin, Connie, Sasha - all of them I knew from secondary school so they were the ones I loved the most. Except for Eren who I've known for more than half of my life. "Hey, guys!" I beamed and rested one arm on Jean's shoulders as the other draped around Armin. "(Y/N)! Happy birthday!" Sasha and Connie shouted at the same time and both of them passed me a present. "Thank you, both of you." Armin also gave me a gift which I thanked him for. Jean had already given me a present earlier at uni so he only told me how beautiful I looked, which I playfully rolled my eyes to. "I'm going to give you my present at the end of the evening," Eren told me. "You know, best for last." "Okay, thanks. Have you lot had drinks and snacks?" "I'm holding a plate of snacks right now," Eren pointed out with a soft laugh. I took some of his snacks and chucked them into my mouth, giving him a smile. "I just realised that I haven't eaten yet." "Go and get your ass some food." "I will. Let me just talk to you guys since they are going to be so many other people I have to talk to. And I love you guys the most here. Apart from my family, of course. But you're my second family."

I messed around with the five of them and burst into loud laughter many times. Soon, Hanji joined us and it was if we were back at secondary school since we're barely able to hang out like this now. "God, I actually miss this," Hanji grinned, wiping her tears away that fell when we were laughing. "Anyway, (Y/N)~ Lucius asked for you," she smirked. "Why? I don't want him to ask me out," I whined. "Lucius?" Armin, Sasha and Connie exclaimed at the same time. And I'm just glad that everyone is loud and there is music, otherwise he would've heard. I sighed before briefly explaining it to them, all of them being surprised. Before they could say anything else, like trying to force me to fall in love with him, I went to the man everyone loved. "Hey. You wanted to talk to me?" "Yeah. I haven't given you your present yet. Happy birthday." "Aw, thank you. I'll open it later since I've got a bunch and I'm not bothered to open all of them yet." "Okay. I hope you'll like it." "Thank you again. Also, we still haven't eaten, do you want to get some snacks?" "Sure," he said with a shrug and we both went to the kitchen where the snacks were set in different platters. He got both of us disposable plates and we filled out plates with food "Are you enjoying yourself so far?" "Yes, I'm so happy. This is definitely one of my best birthdays. And I'm guessing they asked you to keep me busy?" "Yeah. That's the only reason I said to get takeaway so I could bring you home. But I would still prefer that than staying in a restaurant, too." "Me, too. I'm never more comfortable than I am at home."

“You look very... beautiful, by the way." "Thank you. I didn't think I would get a compliment from you, the person that everyone swoons over." "Well, they can't help it. I'm too damn sexy," he smirked and winked. I laughed and lightly shook my head. "You're so cocky." "Are you one of those people that swoon over me?" "Nope. I'm not your ordinary girl." "You certainly aren't," he said quietly, causing me to glance up at him as both of us leaned against the counter in the kitchen, standing next to each other. "What do you mean by that?" I asked cautiously, hoping he wasn't going to tell me something in particular. "You're not like other girls. You're cool, smart, funny, kind, sometimes rude but in a jokey way, you can be strong, and on top of it all, you're beautiful," he confessed, and I bit the inside of my bottom lip. "(Y/N), I--" "(Y/N)!" a voice called, allowing me to breathe. I saw my mum calling me over and I quietly apologised to Lucius before going to my family. "What's up?" "You've barely spoken to us this whole time," my dad stated. "Well, dad, you smothered my face with cake." "Happy birthday, (Y/N)!" my little brother squealed and I picked him up. No matter how old he is, I'll always pick him up because he's too adorable. "(Y/N), who's that handsome guy you were talking with before?" my mum questioned with a smirk, so I rolled my eyes. "Lucius." "I'm going to have a talk with him," my father said, about to walk towards him but I stopped him. "Dad, I'm not in a relationship with him. And I don't like him either. There's nothing to talk to him about." "Fine. But if lays a finger on you, he's never coming near you again." "Well, we held hands when we went ice skating." "What?!" "It was because I was scared I was going to fall. Dad, there's nothing to worry about. He's a good person." "Okay, if you say so." "(Y/N), where's Eren?" the six-year-old boy asked and I turned around to look for said male. He was talking to Hanji and Historia. "He's over there. Why?" "I want to play with him." "I'll take you to him," I grinned. "Wait, (Y/N). Here's your present." "Oh, thank you. Could you leave it in my room, please, since my hands are kind of full?" "Okay." I smiled at my parents before making my way to Eren with (B/N) in my arms. He spotted me and gave me and my brother a toothy grin. "Hey, Eren. (B/N) said he wants to play with you." "Aw, okay." "Even though I don't want to, I need to go back to Lucius. I'm pretty sure he was about to confess his feelings to me but my mum called me," I whispered to Hanji who gasped and grinned. I don’t know why she was acting like I was going to get into a relationship with him, even though she knows I like Levi. I went back into the kitchen, apologising to the male once again as he brushed it off. "Um, you were saying something before I left..." "Yeah," he sighed and scratched the back of his head. "(Y/N), I... like you. Romantically," he proclaimed, and I pretended to be shocked. "Uh, are you willing to go on a date with me?" Okay, firstly, he's fucking cute when he's nervous. Secondly, I'm sorry but, I'm going to make him upset. "Lucius, you know I think you're a great friend. And as I was saying, I'm not one of those girls who have fallen in love with you. Don't get me wrong, you are sexy as hell, and you're sweet, and a gentleman, and any girl would be lucky to be with you. However, I can't be that girl. I'm sorry. I'm not interested in getting into a relationship with anyone right now. But, I promise you that we can still be friends and it won't be awkward at all. I don't want to lose you, you're a great friend, Lucius. Although, it's your choice." "..." He was silent and I bit the inside of my cheek, starting to feel guilty. I wanted to hug him, but I didn't want to give him any kind of affection after I said all that. "Lucius?" "... That's fine. If you're still willing to be my friend, that's good enough. Thanks for not being harsh about it," he told me with a small smile. It was a sad smile, which I've never seen on his soft lips. "I'm sorry." "You have nothing to apologise for. It's your choice on who you date or don't date. I'm sorry for bringing it up." "Don't say sorry. Everyone has feelings and should voice them out." "You're truly an amazing girl. Whoever you decide to date is going to be extremely fortunate." I giggled softly. "Thank you. Honestly, the same can be said about you." "Also, I know you think so much of me, so that satisfies me as well," he smiled, and this time, it was genuine so I returned it. "Well, if someone disagrees with what I said, they don't deserve to know you.”

He chuckled and pushed away from the counter, I followed suit.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Are you going to follow me there? Of course, I have no problem with that." I snickered. "I'm not following you, idiot. I'm going to Eren." "Hey, wait... Is Eren the person that stole your heart?" "No. No one currently has it." "Okay, good." I beamed at him before he went to the bathroom and I went to Eren who was still playing with my brother on the sofa. I sat down next to Eren and held my plate, taking a snack every now and then. He started to tickle my brother who squirmed on the furniture and his giggles echoed, making me smile. "You look like a family," a voice stated, causing me to look up and meet grey hues. "What, so you're saying I got a kid at thirteen?" "It happens." "Yeah, well, not to me." "But you don't deny that you're a couple?" "Whatever... You know Lucius just asked me out a few minutes ago," I muttered and stared at my plate. Levi's and Eren's head turned towards me. Eren told (B/N) to go back to my parents. "What?" "We were in the kitchen by ourselves. He started going on about how I'm not an ordinary girl and all my characteristics that he likes. He was about to confess, but my mum interrupted him. After I went back to him, he said he likes me and I rejected him in the most gentle way I could. We ended up just joking around and here I am." "I swear, every time you have a serious conversation with someone, it just turns into something casual and funny," Levi said. "Because I'm an amazing person that can bring happiness to people,” I said, causing Levi to roll his eyes. "Wait. So, he agreed to still be friends?" "Yeah. Since I said things about him, like how he's sexy and kind and whatever, he said he's happy that I still think of him like that. Everything's fine." "Good... Did he try to kiss you?" Eren asked. "No." "What are you guys whispering about~?" Hanji beamed and plopped onto the sofa, nearly squishing me. "Lucius asked (Y/N) out. She said no. They're still going to be friends." "You idiot! Why did you say no?" "Hanji, why do you think?" "... Ohh." "What's 'ohh'?" Levi frowned. "Nothing, Shorty!" "Tch." His eyebrow twitched at the nickname. "I already said not to call me that." "But it suits you perfectly." "Fine. I'm going to call you... Four Eyes, then." "They're so childish," I muttered to Eren as they started to argue. I rested my head on Eren's shoulder, letting out a small huff so he looked at me in question. "I'm waiting for my family to leave so we can bring out the alcohol." "Wow," he chuckled. "You know I love them, but I just want to get drunk." "Don't do anything stupid when you do get drunk." "I have no intention of sleeping with anyone." "Yeah, well, don't call me tomorrow afternoon, telling me that you woke up with someone in your bed." ~/~ A splitting headache was the first thing I experienced when I opened my eyes, glad for my blackout curtains that prevented light from coming in. I laid on my back, my body aching when I tried to turn on my side. However, once I did shift onto my side, my eyes widened and I scrambled to get out of bed, realising I was naked. When I went past the mirror in my room to find something to quickly slip on, my eyes somehow widened further at the sight of the hickeys that decorated my chest and neck. "Shit, shit, shit," I whispered, slipping on a t-shirt and some shorts, not caring about wearing any underwear since I was freaking out. I walked over to the side where a particular human being lay and shook them with the call of their name. "Eren! Eren, you fucking jerk, wake up! Eren!" "What?" he grumbled, his eyes still closed. "Open your fucking eyes and get up," I snapped, a scowl dancing over my visage. He did as I said, yawning and rubbing his eyes before sitting up. Once his vision was cleared, he took in his surroundings, saw the marks on my neck, and realised he wasn't wearing a shirt. Piecing it together, he shot me a worried look as I stood in front of him, with my arms crossed over my chest. "Did we...?" he murmured, his eyes walking over the floor to find his shirt, trousers and boxers, along with my clothes. "Oh, fuck..."

[alyssawritesss]

ALVIN MURPHY: STAY

Fandom: Z Nation Pairing: Alvin Murphy x Reader Prompt: N/A Warnings: N/A Notes: Y/N = Your Name

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TAGS: @sxturn-stars​ (permanent tags) // @lillymueller​ @johnmurphyisbisexual​ @xxstrangegirlxxx​ (z nation tags)

You sat on the back of the truck, your legs dangling off the edge. It had been a long while since you and the rest of the group had stopped anywhere and your legs were as stiff as a board. All you wanted was to be able to get up and walk around, even if it meant dealing with a bunch of Zs. You had never been more ancy in your entire life.

The sound of shuffling behind you filled your ears before you noticed feet fall of the edge of the truck, right beside yours. You looked over and spotted Murphy, now sitting right beside you, looking off into the distance. He was whistling slightly, not loud enough to disturb anyone a few inches away.

“You’re awfully happy today.” You commented.

He glanced at you for a moment, his whistling stopping. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

You leaned back, placing your hands on the ground of the truck’s bed as you closed your eyes. Murphy watched you for a moment, smiling to himself. Since the two of you had met a few months ago, Murphy had been in awe of you, though he was careful not to admit it to anyone. There was just something special about you, something he’d never seen in somebody before. Something he truly felt was too rare not to admire.

The truck soon came to a halt, snapping Murphy out of his thoughts. “What’s going on up there, Warren?” He asked, turning his gaze to the front of the truck.

“Supply stop.” She mumbled in response. “Grab what you can carry, we’re out of here in ten. Alright?”

Everyone nodded in agreement, heading towards the department store across the street. You shuffled down the farthest isle, finding it to be where the snacks were. Grabbing as many boxes of protein and granola bars as you could, you made your way back out to the truck where everyone was waiting - everyone besides Murphy.

“I’m guessing Murphy’s not behind you?” Addy asked, leaning against the truck.

You let out a loud sigh. “No, I’ll go get him…”

Making your way back into the store, you began to check each isle, Murphy nowhere to be found. You folded your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow.  “Murphy? Come on, we have to go!” You called out. Still nothing. “Murphy?”

A few seconds of you standing in silence passed before a loud, high-pitched screamed filled your ears. Your head yanked in the direction of the sound, your feet darting after it. Running behind a counter at the back of the store, you shoved open an ‘employees only’ door, spotting Murphy standing in the corner, his face pale.

“Hey, are you okay? I heard you screaming.” You spoke, walking closer.

Murphy’s eyes met yours, lingering for a moment before he looked away. Clearing his throat, Murphy stood taller. “Yeah, I’m fine. We should get going…” He replied, his shaking voice not matching his stance.

As you opened your mouth to speak, you noticed a small critter run along the floor and out the door in which you just entered. Murphy winced as he spotted it, stepping back slightly. You looked back at Murphy, who quickly straightened himself out once again.

“A mouse?” You asked, trying -and failing- to keep a straight face. You began to laugh, clutching your stomach.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” Murphy spoke, waving his hands and rolling his eyes.

“Really?” You asked, still laughing. “Because, it looks like you’re scared… of a mouse.”

“I was not.” He responded.

You roll your eyes, a smirk falling across your face. “Come on, admit it. You’re scared of a little, baby mouse.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Murphy walked closer to you. “Well, what if it were a zombie mouse? People can’t be too careful nowadays, I especially can’t be too careful; I am the package, after all.”

You looked at him for a moment before patting him on the shoulder. “Whatever you have to tell yourself. Come on, the others are waiting for us. Did you find anything?”

Murphy turned around and walked behind the desk in the back centre of the room before crouching down. Seconds later he stood up, a box full of supplies in his hand. “I might’ve found a little something.”

Your eyes lit up. “Would you look at that…”

Together, you and Murphy exited the department sore and headed over to the truck. Murphy placed the box down in the bed of the truck before helping you climb up. He soon followed, sitting down next to you. You tapped on the side of the truck, signalling for Warren to start driving.

The rest of the day was spent in the truck, you sitting in silence and staring off into the distance. Murphy would occasionally glance at you, only seeing the back of your head and a mere fraction of the right side of your face, sun illuminating it.

By the time the sun had completely faded away, the moon now being your only source of light, Warren was once again pulling the truck over, this time into a small nook of a forest. Everyone climbed out of the truck, meeting at the back, where you remained seated on the edge of the truck. Warren announced that she thinks it would be a good idea to stay put for the night, each person taking a shift on walk. Everyone else agreed, picking an order for shifts; of course, yours was up first.

You surveyed the area as the others got settled, most of them falling asleep before your first lap around. For the most part, the area was fairly silent aside from a few small animals running about in the bushes. Even though there was no sign of threat anywhere to be found, you could still feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing at attention, goosebumps taking over your body. You hated to be alone at night, especially these days. With everyone trying to sleep, you felt even more exposed; if anything were to sneak up on you, you’d really have no shot at survival.

“You’re really bad at this, you know?”

You quickly spun around, holding your gun up. In front of you stood Murphy, a small smile playing across his face. You rolled your eyes, lowering your gun. “You’re lucky I’m bad at this or you’d have a hole in your head right now.” Taking a deep breath, you leaned against a tree. “What are you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep.” He confessed.

“I wouldn’t worry,” You spoke, smirking. “I don’t think there are any mice out here, so you should be safe.”

Murphy glared at you. “Very funny.”

“I try.” You simply smiled.

Murphy was silent for a moment. “What are you afraid of?”

“What?”

“What are you afraid of?” He asked. “Something small, seemingly insignificant with the dead romancing around; what are you afraid of?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I don’t know… A lot of things.”

“Like?”

“Not mice.” You responded.

Murphy didn’t respond, letting his eyes capture yours. For a second you just stood there, staring at him. Finally, you let out a long, harsh breath. “I-I… I’m afraid of the dark. I mean, not to the point where I need some source of light to sleep at night. I’m just afraid of being outside in the dark. Even as a kid, I’d go camping with my parents and I just couldn’t sleep. I’d spend the whole weekend, only being able to take a short nap during the day. If only I had known I’d have to be able to deal with darkness a lot as an adult.” It took a moment for your words to seep into your own ears, sending panic through your body. “Shit, that was a little too real, even for me… I’m sorry-”

“Y/N, it’s fine.” He spoke. “I mean, I wouldn’t really consider that a small fear. It makes sense…”

You shook your head, letting a smile come back to your face. You could feel your previously pale cheeks lighten up again. “Can I ask you something?”

“It’s a free country.” He responded. “Or, it was.”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

“I’m nice to you?” He asked, smiling. You nodded. “Everyone else, you treat like shit… No offence.”

“None taken.”

“Yet, for some reason, you don’t treat me like shit. So, I’m curious. Why is that?” You finished.

Murphy shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know… I just don’t.”

“So, it’s that simple?”

“Yeah.”

Without thinking, you moved closer to Murphy, your face inches away from his own. “Are you sure about that?”

Murphy froze for a moment, unsure of what was happening. Usually he was so sure when face-to-face with a women, yet here he was, his thoughts racing a mile per second. Finally gaining back feeling in his body, Murphy slowly moved his face towards you. As his lips were about to touch yours, you smiled, placing your finger against his lips.

As Murphy’s eyes widened, you moved your lips towards his ear. “I really didn’t think you were sure…”

Pulling away, you moved back over to the tree, sitting down on one of the roots poking out from the ground. Murphy stood there, looking from you back to the group a couple of times before finally, his eyes stuck to you.

You looked up at him, your eyes sparkling. “Murphy?”

He nodded.

“Stay with me?” You asked.

Murphy made his way to you, sitting down next to you on the root of the tree. You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, prompting him to put his arm around you. The two of you stayed like that most of the night, not noticing you hadn’t switched shifts with anyone until the sun came up. You just stayed there, in bliss.

~~~~~~~~~~

More Murphy from the old blog... I hope you all like it!! I am currently ONLY accepting Christmas-y requests! You can send those HERE if you’d like. Please remember to note and/or reblog if you enjoyed!!

[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 6. Random thoughts.

Hey, can you guess what my favorite episode of the anime is? Here's a hint: it's one apparently a lot of other Subarem shippers hate. I say f**k that! Episode 18 and this book made me love the idea of them as a couple even more! But we'll get to that in a minute.

“By conducting these negotiations, you bear Emilia’s fate on your shoulders. Naturally, everything you say affects her, and it carries the same weight as Emilia’s words. This is not a decision you should make lightly, nor are the words you say easily taken back.”

“...Ah, uh...”

“Moreover, I ask again—should you owe me in this matter, it will mean the defeat of the Emilia camp. Are you truly fine with this?”

It really brings into the focus the problem of Subaru calling himself Emilia's knight without thinking and why the actual knights took such offence to it. At best it was a gimmick with no actual meaning to him and at worst he wanted all the rewards that came with being a knight (or at least what he perceived as the rewards) and not any of the responsibility. That's basically the reality Crusch is making Subaru face; the true burden that is on the one who claims to be Emilia's representative. Being a knight isn't just a game or a fancy title. Whatever he does will heavily impact his lady's future and he never once considered that.

“You hate the Witch Cult. That’s the reason you approached Emilia, is it not?”

Damn.

“—You have not said, ‘I want to save Emilia,’ even once.”

Daaaamn. Obviously, we know the witch cult has nothing to do with why Subaru wanted to hang around Emilia, but it's really telling of his current state that that's what it looks like from the outside. His hatred for Petelgeuse is stronger than his love for Emilia.

The fact that Roswaal has twice now been absent during events that his presence could easily have prevented tragedy is incredibly suspicious. Especially during the mansion arc, where he only left the mansion during the loop Subaru had made a lot of progress in finding the shaman and thus, unlike the previous loops, could have warned him about what was about to happen. It feels like Roswaal is intentionally removing himself as to invite disaster upon his house and Emilia, likely to manipulate her and Subaru.

Priscilla is an oddity to me, because she really feels like someone I should dislike more than I do, as I tend to have an instant dislike for very bratty, entitled, and/or spoiled characters. I'm not sure what it is specifically that's lifting her up so much for me. It's not just the looks, because I've seen attractive female characters I've hated because of their brattiness (I think she and Bitch princess from Shield Hero share the same english voice actor, in fact). I think that, one, there is just this sense of fun and amusement when Priscilla's around, like I just want to see whatever she does next, and two, despite her attitude, I'm not really getting a feeling of shallowness from her. She doesn't feel like she's putting people down just to prop herself up. There is actual strength and depth to her.

Rem followed behind both of them, and he could hear noises coming from her nose every so often. Rem had a keen sense of smell, and she’d apparently picked up some kind of unsavory scent, staring at the back of the iron helm as they walked along.

Well, Al is from another world like Subaru, so it wouldn't be surprising if he also had the witch's scent attached to him, assuming his situation is anything like Subaru's.

“Don’t be silly. You’re Ram, right?”

“I am Rem... Forgive my rudeness, but where have you met Sister, Master Al?”

Rem explained how he’d mistaken her for her nearly identical older sister as she posed the question. However, Al made no reply. He raised up his one arm and touched his helm, busily poking the metal.

“What the hell’s goin’ on here...?”

Al sounded nervous, seemingly unable to process the information. The increasingly rapid tapping offered further proof.

“So you’re Rem...and your sister is Ram?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

“This might be a weird thing to ask but...is your older sister alive?”

“...? I do not understand the meaning of your question. Sister is alive, as she should be.”

The instant Rem gave that answer, Subaru, who had been listening to the conversation in silence, felt goose bumps all over his flesh.

“—This ain’t funny.”

Well...that got a lot of theory wheels turning in my head. I was already wondering if Al had his own Return By Death ability, so it's certainly possible he'd met Ram before a restart, though why he'd mix up her and Rem, I'm not sure. Another possibility is that he's maybe experienced Subaru's own RBDs, so while he can't trigger the ability himself he retains his memories from the original timelines. We've seen timelines where Ram has died but also one back at the mansion where only Rem died. Of course, there's also the possibility this story is going to go full Futurama: Bender's Big Score and Al is going to turn out to be a future version of Subaru sent back to the past.

That damn whale is like something out of a horror movie. I don't tend to care for gory horror but I do like movies with unique monsters and killers, so I could easily see myself getting into a movie about a giant flying whale that appears in a dark fog and basically consumes the entire existence of whatever it eats, including its past presence in the world. It's not just memories being erased. The person themselves never was.

You can tell the story is doing a good job of connecting when I know full well that Subaru's going to have another RBD and that everything's going to be fine and I'm still tearing up over Rem basically sacrificing herself to hold off the whale and Subaru is realizing he's allowed her to die four times over.

Huge difference between the books and the anime, as I'm pretty sure in the anime Puck just killed Subaru in the room Emilia died in. There was no bringing her to the witch cult's hidden cave like there was here.

“Unable to even pass a single trial, not even facing a single Deadly Sin, bearing great expectations only to stumble over the first stone in her path...”

The madman looked down at the sleeping Emilia, sighing.

“—Ahh, you were lazy!”

Curious as to what he meant by all that. Now that I think about it, I don't think it's been revealed yet the specific reason the witch cult went after Emilia. Yes, she looks like the Witch of Envy but it that a bad thing or a good thing to the cult? Do these "trials" she was supposed to face have to do with the dragon and royal selection or the witch?

I don't think they said why Subaru can now see Petelgeuse's previously unseen hands. I think I saw a theory about how Subaru's connection with the witch grows stronger with each RBD, beyond just the scent, so he might simply has just accumulated enough EXP to finally level up into seeing them. Then again, I did love Subaru's mocking line to Petelgeuse that the witch has been "cheating" on him with Subaru, so it's certainly possible he just has more of Satella's affection than Petelgeuse and thus he gets more special perks from her.

And finally, we get to the talk between Subaru and Rem at the end. Funny thing, when I first started watching the anime, someone I knew who'd seen it before me told me that, one, it's very different from Isekai Quartet, which introduced me to the characters, so don't go in expecting a comedy, and two, that episode 18 has a Subaru moment that a lot of people hate. Given how the arc had been since before that episode and how Subaru kept falling further and further, I had no idea what was going to happen or what was worse than what he'd already done that'd get people to hate him so much.

And it turns out it's just because of a shipping war. I'm still not sure if I should feel relieved or annoyed. Yeah, I ship Subaru and Rem over Subaru and Emilia, but hating this part of the story just because he still loves Emilia? I feel like everything else except for that one line gets ignored (the line I'm avoiding saying because I don't want a bot to flag this post) and that the lack of all context except Subaru loving Emilia while Rem loves him destroys a lot of why the scene works.

There's just so much to talk about with why I love this part between Subaru and Rem. I'm a big fan of superhero stories and a classic trope I love is when things get dark and everything is brought to its lowest point...only for the hero to make a comeback. And Subaru... The man is broken. He's given up. Not only has he experienced death, failure, and futility multiple times, he's seen the people he cares about be completely slaughtered, with Rem dying, being mutilated, and even erased to protect him and Emilia, the woman he loves, dying directly because of him. He's powerless to change anything, or at least everything he does change seems to just make things worse. He sees himself as selfish, greedy, and arrogant; that he never actually cared about anyone other than himself. He's just spewing all this very justified self-hatred...and Rem counters it perfectly, not saying a single thing that isn't true about what she loves about him. Last volume had her imagining running away with Subaru, so the possible life with him she talks about isn't just something she's pulled out of the air. It's something she's considered and wants, which means it has actual weight when she turns him down.

I think another reason Rem connects to Subaru so much is because she's no stranger to self-hatred. She's also seen her own existence as a blight on everyone and everything around her. That she's selfish and terrible. And the person who helped pull her out of that state, at least somewhat, and get her to start liking herself was Subaru, which is what she's doing for him now. It's what I love so much about the relationship between these two. It's not just that they've saved each others' lives. They've helped each other in incredibly personal ways, despite the fact that neither fully knows what the source of the other's pain is. Subaru doesn't know what Rem felt as she watched Ram's horn get cut off. Rem doesn't know about Subaru's RBD and constant failures. They didn't need to. They simply knew the other needed help and they gave it, with no strings attached. It's why, despite me shipping them together, I'm not upset that Subaru doesn't return Rem's love (yet?) in the same way. There was a great bit of art I saw of the moment, and the words alongside it were "I didn't say I love you to hear it back. I said it so that you would know." Despite her still having some issues, being a little too subservient and obsessed with Subaru, I can believe Rem's love for him is real. When Subaru hated himself and believed everyone else did too, Rem told him that she loved him, not to get anything back out of it, but simply because she wanted him to at least have that to hold onto.

Rem was clearly at least a little upset at the end of their talk, and I can see it being some regret that she turned him down or that he does still love Emilia more, and I'm fine with that. She did the right thing and she is happy the real Subaru is back, but her being a little sad afterwards keeps her human (even if she's a demon).

Honestly, while I do ship them, I think both did make the right call. If or when they hook up, it should be when there's no lingering doubts or regrets they're carrying with them. Where they can have a future where they can smile together and with everyone in their lives they love and can't just abandon. Plus, I want to see Ram as an aunt to Subaru and Rem's kid! That sounds amazing!

And Subaru saying he loves Emilia, even after Rem poured her heart out to him...well, yeah, of course he does. He just found out Rem loves him and has had no time to process it (he was trying to run away with her out of fear and guilt, thus why she turned him down). If his feelings for Emilia were that easily swayed then it'd be hard to say that they were ever that strong or real to begin with, and thus what would have been the point of everything he's been through? It's not like he said it to hurt Rem. Hell, here and in the anime he sounds pretty apologetic as he says it, because he knows it'll hurt her to hear it and he doesn't want that. But it is the truth. So I'm not going to get mad at him for it. It's consistent with his character and everything he's been through and lead to great character moments for both him and Rem. What's there to be angry about?

But yeah, there was a little bit of it in the last chapter but I'm soooooooo looking forward to next volume. I remember just the feeling of hype and "F**k yeah!" going through my chest on my first watch of the anime. Subaru, after hitting his absolute lowest point, pulling himself together with Rem's help and gathering up everything he's got to fight back against the previously hopeless situation and save the day. It made all that heartache and misery so worth the wait.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/gr9y77/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_6/

[illusionsofdreaming]

guess I like playing with fire;

Notes: You’re on a mission and Claude’s ruining it spectacularly.

FT: Claude

What most people don’t realise is that what separates a good band of mercenaries from the bad are based on the quality of information they have and not the skills they boast. Intelligence on locations, knowledge of the land and insight on their enemies are what keeps the men alive at the end of the day. Any prowess with a weapon are decoration, the icing on the cake, some extra branding for their names. The best mercenaries have learned to hoard information and their information network is often a complex and extremely exclusive one.

For once your infamous mercenary nickname has uses other than to inspire fear and scare naughty children at night. After all who wouldn’t want to get in the good graces and be allied with the child of the Blade Breaker? There’s been rumours of increased monster activities and it just so happens that the rural city you were passing by where the Ashen Demon’s name was popular was also a hotspot for travelling mercenaries as well.

A simple reconnaissance mission was set up - you would hang around the taverns and gather information and return by day, hopefully with new insight regarding the validity of  these rumours, whether or not the resistance should be concerned.

The evening was still young, the tavern you chose had only just started filling. Your current table companions consisted of an axe wielder going by the name of Gildhart, a sharp nosed swordsman with a wicked scar down one cheek and a well built brawler who’s massive red mane was just barely held back by the bandana on her head. Conversation had been slow at first but by the third round of cards, their lips were starting to loosen.

“Damnit! I’ve heard of your prowess on the battlefields but who knew you’d be so vicious on the table too!” Janet scowled as she threw in her cards as you swept your new winnings to your side.

“The name Demon fits you alright!” Gildhart laughed, taking a large drink from his cup.

“Well, our opponent is an incredibly hard person to read, I believe we may have been playing at disadvantage all along.“ Kent, the name of the swordsman you remembered, smiled wryly at you.

“I don’t mind if you wish to try another game instead.“ you offered, palms up in invitation and away from the cards. It didn’t matter which game they chose anyways. You still remembered your father’s disapproval when he first found out, despite its inevitability considering the companions you grew up with.

“If I can’t stop you from cards, least I can do is make sure you won’t lose our entire fortune.”Jeralt had heaved a sigh then, placed you in his lap and proceeded to teach you the ways of gambling. That was the beginning of your colourful journey into becoming a master card shark, but that‘s a story for another day.

“Pah! We’re not cowards! Am I right boys?” Janet’s fist thumped on the table and for a moment you worried the furniture wouldn’t survive the weight of the brawler’s fist.

“Damn right we’re not!” Gildhart boomed and Kent sighed with a shrug, sealing their fates.

“Let me deal this round.” Kent offered with an apologetic smile your way which you nodded, taking no offence.

“So what dangers brings the Ashen Demon to these parts of Fódlan eh?” Janet asked as her companion began shuffling the cards.

You’ve been ready for this question and you gave a nonchalant shrug as you leaned back with your drink. “Trying our luck before circumstances forces our hand to pick a side.” With the war going on, it was inevitable that mercenaries bands would get absorbed into either side. The sympathetic and understanding nods from her companions seemed to agree.

“I have no love for needless slaughter, retirement might be imminent in my near future.” Kent mumbled softly as he dealt out cards.

You took your cards, taking time to organise them before casually throwing out your bait. “I’ve heard stories of problematic beasts cropping up around the area, there could be business in those desperate enough to spare some coin to hire our skills.”

“Ay, you’ve not heard wrong.” Gildhart coughed. “Although calling them problematic beasts would be an understatement.”

“Oh?” You breathed out, relaxing your shoulders. The wary glance shared amongst the mercenaries was not missed by your eyes. Silence overlapped the table and you played oblivious for a few moments before looking up. “Is everything alright? I understand if I have intruded on something you’d rather deal with yourself.”

“No, nothing like that.” Janet was quick to refute. “We might be confident in our skills but even we know this is not something we can handle.” The mercenaries seemed to share a look between them and some form of agreement must have been reached as they hunched forward in their seats and beckoned you to follow suit.

“They say monsters the size of houses, some with claws and teeth and others with scales appear overnight wiping out villages before disappearing the next day. No one knows where they come from or where they go afterwards. Others have tried hunting them and failed and those that survived an encounter are crippled by fear of what they’ve seen.” Kent relayed this with a somber expression, his eyes taking on a faraway sheen.

You took this in quietly. You understood their wariness, you have witnessed the destruction these beasts are capable of first hand. What concerned you however was their sudden appearances and disappearances. You folded your arms on the table as a frown crossed your face.

“Were the attacked villages known to have frequent monster sightings?”

Gildhart shook his head, rubbing his chin with a grimace. “Not that we know of. Pretty peaceful from what I remembered. The villagers never had any experience against anything larger than a wolf. Some of these men wielded nothing but woodcutting axes against these things.”

Could simple negligence and relaxed security caused the complete annihilation of a village in the short span of a day? Even if it were possible, with how chaotic Fódlan has become, it was common nowadays for simple villagers to be armed with some form of weapon to protect their family and not simple farmer’s tools. Unless... these were men who had been going on about their daily lives, who had been caught unaware and given no time to arm themselves, ambushed by creatures unleashed in the middle of their homes.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. You can’t leap to conclusions yet. You needed more information. However before you could ask another question you caught sight of something outside the window. It took your all to resist the instinct to turn around, instead you used your peripherals to confirm your worst fear: Claude Von Riegan, heir to the Riegan house,  leader of the Alliance resistance, lurking across the street just begging to be noticed.

“Excuse me for a while.” you stood up abruptly, shocking your companions who started reaching for their weapons which you stopped with a hand. “Sorry, thought I saw someone familiar. I’m going to step out for a while.”

“What about the game?” Gildhart eyes travelled from you to his hand of cards.

“Play without me.” You untied a pouch by your waist and threw it on the table. “Drinks on me.” And you breezed past them, just barely able to control your pace to a fast walk, despite the strongest desire to run.

“Think its a friend?”

“From the look in the Demon’s eyes?”

“Rest in pieces strang-“ the door closed behind you. You took a deep breath - Sothis knows you’d need it - and scanned the streets. It was almost laughable easy to spot him, wavy hair and green eyes, golden earring glinting in the darkness, smile stretching across face as he spotted you.

His hand was rising to wave but you grabbed him and dragged him away two streets down and shoved him into a indescript alley.

“Whoa teach, at least ask a guy out before-“

“What are you doing here Claude? I thought we’d agreed that you’d wait for my return.” You cut him off, fuming.

“Aw teach, it’s been hours. We’d all rest easier at night if you had someone to watch your back.” He laughed at the wilted glare you sent his way. “Alright so we’re not really worried and maybe I’m just a little nosy.”

Of all the people to come nosing in, it had to be Claude. The most high profile, easily recognisable mascot of the Alliance resistance. While you knew despite his flippant attitude, Claude would never do anything to jeopardise the war efforts, his being here meant he’s comfortable and confident in his ability to get out unscathed.

You sighed and relaxed against a wall, since he was here anyways you might as well pass on what you’ve gathered so far. “I haven’t gotten much yet.” you warned and made sure to direct a pointed glare towards him before relaying what you’ve heard and your theories so far.

He had a hand on his chin as he listened, brows furrowed in a contemplative expression. “Almost like what happened back in the chapel in Garreg Mach...” He was mumbling to himself but the words brought back a flood of memories you had avoided revisiting.

You vividly remembered the ruins, the screams of students and roars of creatures rending the air. The cold and the overwhelming numbness that took you as you held the motionless body of your only family. You were alone, truly alone and the cold was seeping into your blood, your bones, your soul. What little emotions you’ve gained these past few months was being stripped by the cold. There’s no one left-

“___________.” His hand was warm against your skin, a shocking contrast that brought you back, burning away the ice in your veins. His gaze was apologetic and a touch concerned, his hold on you was supportive but not restrictive.

You shook your head lightly, stepping back from his touch and he released you. “I’m fine.” You muttered, brushing a hand through your hair, disappointed for getting carried away.

His eyes watched you, “Of course, teach. I never doubted that.” He said quietly with a smile, the sincerity in his tone hard to ignore and it made the breath in your lungs catch in your throat. There were times like these, where the masks he wore would slip and you would hear the strength of his convictions and beliefs. That truly, despite your lapse in emotions, all your flaws and imperfections, he knew you’d be alright, you’d pull through, even when you don’t believe it yourself.

You averted your eyes. “You should get back to the others Claude.” You were about to shoo him off when you heard footsteps approaching. You panicked. The leader of the Leicester Alliance can’t be seen here, skulking about in dark alleyways like some scoundrel with nefarious intentions. With how tensed and chaotic everything's been with the war, the last thing the Alliance needed was doubt to be casted on their leader's reputation. In a split-second decision, you pushed him against the wall, into the shadows. Your hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled him down to meet your lips, purposely angling yourself so that most of your profile blocked Claude’s features from view.

Though initially stiff with surprise, Claude quickly caught on. It was remarkable how quickly he adapted, tension from his shoulders melting off as he relaxed his hand on your waist, fingers curling on your hip like a possessive lover.

There was a gasp of surprise as the footsteps halted. “Is that-”

A convincing groan from Claude convinced the stragglers to pick up their pace and a few seconds later they were gone.

Immediately you moved away to check but Claude lunged for you, tugging you to his side as laughter crossed the alleyway. With one arm rested against the wall to shield your faces, you had a second to take in his boyish smile before he dipped down to kiss you again, his hand held your chin with surprising gentleness. In return you pulled on his curls just on a touch side of painful which made him grunt, a soft breath of amusement puffed against your lips.

The strangers passed by his back and Claude pressed closer, ducking his head further. It was easy to ignore the lewd taunts and whistles they threw over their shoulders as they walked past when all you could focus on was how soft his lips were, how you’re positively sure all the blood in your body had rushed to your face.

This time when the strangers left, neither of you parted immediately, just to be sure. In the shadows, you counted down seconds and when it seems no further strangers would be passing by, you stepped away.

“Well,” Claude started with a soft laugh but it was strained and for once he seemed to be struggling with his words. “I didn’t know you felt that way about me teach.” He tried to be casual, but his usual flippant tone was ruined by the breathlessness in his voice. This uncertainty from Claude, someone who always seemed to have a reaction and smile prepared for every scenario, was unexpected... and it stirred something uncomfortable in your chest.

“I couldn’t let them see your face.” You explained, ignoring the tingling in your lips and the lingering thoughts of how it felt to have your fingers in his wavy curls. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had followed the plan in the first place.”

He chuckled, mask back on, his arms drew back to cross behind his head in his signature lazy half stretch. “Ah, well, you know me and instructions teach.”

You shook your head as you willed the heat from your face to disperse. “Get out of here before you get caught for real Claude.”

You turned to leave the alleyway but he reached out to grab your wrist. “__________, about what happened-“

“We’re not talking about this.” You whipped around and gave him a firm glare, determined to end the conversation before it started. There’s a ball of emotions curling in your chest that you’re not ready to unravel. You needed time and there’s still a mission to be completed.

His green eyes were bright as he released your hand with a laugh. “Not even a li-”

“No.”

Claude’s smile was knowing as his thumb traced the bottom of his lips, grinning when your eyes inadvertently followed the movement.

“If you say so, my friend.” He hummed, expression thoughtful as he gave a small shrug.

“Go now.” You’re almost impatient to return to the tavern. You’ve never had a preference for drinks, not like your father, but now you find yourself desperately craving for something strong.

“Although your cold dismissal hurts, I shall do as you wish and promptly remove myself from your vicinity.” He swept into a dramatic bow, but its effect was ruined when he looked up not a moment later with a cheeky wink.

He dodged your half-hearted kick and his laugh made him look like he’s never aged a day beyond seventeen and it stayed on your mind for the rest of the night.

You were woken the next morning by the uproar in camp, although not for the reason you’d expected. Apparently words of mysterious strangers hidden in the back alley became the story of the town and soon bards were singing songs of the Ashen Demon’s midnight tryst much to your abject horror and Claude’s great amusement. You knew a betting pool was being set up, something you’re determined to sabotage.

You’re hiding in your tent, with a pounding headache,  not willing to reign in the chaos outside just yet.

A breath of fresh air washed into your tent as someone entered.

“How bad is it?” You threw out before the other could say a word.

He didn’t answer immediately, humming thoughtfully as he set down the tray of food he was carrying on the coffee table. “I think my favourite version has to be the one where the Ashen Demon seduced the local hero, single handedly finish the war with the blessed sword before riding the Immaculate One into the sunset.”

The story was so outlandish you couldn’t even dignify it with a proper response and opted to hide your face in your hands. It’s bad. Really bad.

Claude’s laughter was light and airy, and despite your mood, something inside warmed at the heartfelt joy in his tone.

“This is all your fault.” You mumbled.

“Perhaps.” he allowed with a grin, bright eyes sparkling. “I’ve mixed something to help with your headache, it’s bitter but it should do the trick.” He placed a small vial on your table.

“You did well my friend. Rest up, I will deflect the others from disturbing you for today.” He patted your shoulder and avoided your halfhearted swipe with a smile before pushing outside your tent. You had two seconds to catch sight of all of your ex-students crowded around the entrance before the tent flap fell behind him, muting the excited gossip that grew in volume at Claude’s reappearance.

You sighed against your hands, wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole. The mess of feelings in your chest was no closer to being solved, in fact it’s getting more and more complicated by the day. For a moment, you swore the ring Jeralt left you grew warm in your pocket.

[momokiiicos]

Can you do Drarry with either prompt 22 or 32 please? ♡

32. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

________

“This is a nice place and all, and no offence, but why did you bring me here?” Harry asked his long-time boyfriend who is beside him, holding their hands together. They were standing under a tree in the courtyard of Hogwarts, hiding from the sun.

There was a pause from Draco. “This is where we met.” He said quietly.

Harry made a confused noise. “Uh, here?” He looked up at the trees and glanced around the spot. It was a secluded space away from the middle of the courtyard where most of the students usually lingered around, far away from the chatter but not too far from the chirps of the birds and the flowers that whistled occasionally. Sunlight filtered through the gaps of leaves, wind blew softly. It was a spot both of them frequented a lot, but far from where they first met as mere kids.

“But I thought we met at Madame Malkin’s?” He asked, turning back to Draco, who was smiling particularly fondly at Harry, both hands disappearing into the pockets of his robes.

“Yes,” Draco agreed, leaning against a tree trunk. The sun shimmered down his face and glinted off his silver blonde hair. To Harry, the man almost glowed. “But this is where I truly met you, as an adult, free from any shackles of the past. Remember when I first came here to work as the Potions professor?”

Harry chuckled, and nodded. “How could I not? I couldn’t believe McGonagall decided to hire another teacher that graduated at the same year again. I thought you were going to go all Snape-y on the students, but it turns out you’re just a big softie at heart.”

“Hey!” Draco protested, but did not deny the fact, “I am a very strict teacher.”

“But you’re a good one.”

Draco huffed, but continued. “I remember that day. You saw me sitting here. And then you shook my hand. I don’t think I ever thanked you for it but I do, in fact, thank you a lot.”

“Well, after the war, it was all about starting over for me.” Harry sheepishly admitted. “So I thought I should do it with you too. I just never expected to find one of the most important person to me at the same time.” He squeezed the hands in his.

Draco squeezed back and pulled the man closer. “I believe what actually happened was that you just declared yourself best friend of mine afterwards. So I guess I’m stuck with you forever.”

Harry laughed and leaned forward into Draco’s space. “So you know why I think this place is where I met you for real for the first time. This is also where you met a better me. I’m just glad you gave me a second chance.”

Harry shrugged. “Everyone deserves it, I reckon. Come to think of it, is this also where I kissed you for the first time?”

“I kissed you first.” Draco corrected, “And yes, I chose our spot deliberately.”

“That’s what I said! You’re just secretly a big sap.” Harry teased.

Draco rolled his eyes. “Anyways, what I want to say is that, Harry Potter,” His eyes met Harry’s, gaze growing solemn, “Thank you for being in my life, and for shaking my hand that day. You gave me a chance I never thought I’d receive, you accepted my past mistakes and actually love me for some reasons I still cannot fully comprehend.

We had a terrible history, I think everyone would agree. We both did things to each other that are not quite forgivable, me especially. Half of the time we are with each other, I did not make you happy, so I must use the rest of the time to make up for it. I hope we can both be happy for the rest of our lives. In fact, I will make sure of it.” Draco halted, watching as his boyfriend’s eyes widened as the latter realized the weight behind the words. He gripped their hands tighter.

“I know I said that this is where we truly met. But this is not where I fell utterly head over heels in love with you. In fact, it was in the Room of Requirements. You took my hand, even though I just harmed you and your friends. You saved me, when I’m sure I could not be saved. It was that moment, sitting behind you on the broom, that I realized there was no return for me. I thought I’m irrevocably in love with you, and I was terrified.”

“Draco...” Harry gasped, his voice choked.

“Shh, I’m not finished. In this period of time genuinely knowing you, we made many great new memories to replace the bad ones we shared. And despite everything, I think that we complimented each other a lot, and I found by now I could hardly imagine a future without you in it.” Draco chuckled amusedly as Harry bit down on his lip, eyes growing glassy.

“You know why I brought you here today, yes?” Draco asked, and Harry nodded frantically, freeing one hand to wipe under his eyes. “Howarts is home to you, and this spot was a new beginning for me. So I reckon it’s best to do it here.”

Draco let go of Harry’s hands only to reach inside his pockets again and brought out a small box. He dropped down on one knee gingerly and looked up at his partner, eyes shining with love while Harry’s with unshed tears.

“Oh my god,” said Harry faintly.

“Yes, Harry.” Draco grinned, “Will you marry me?”

[soundofseventeen]

The Princess and the Frog (Kim Mingyu)

Hello! We’re almost to the posts that originally started this! Enjoy my other main boy! 

Masterlist

*Fairy Tale*

You sighed, sitting by the window sill. This was one of your rare moments of peace, and you were going to enjoy it while you could. You always loved this window, because it showed practically the entire garden for the kingdom. It was your favorite place to hide, since this hallway was rarely used. It was easy to hide from work here, and from the royal family. 

It wasn’t that the royal family was… bad, per say. The king and queen were actually quite nice and treated the staff wonderfully. It was a good job to work here, given how some kingdom staff were treated. They’re son wasn’t even that bad, he just… Got on your nerves a lot. He constantly teased you, given you were around a similar age. You were kind of friends, but not enough to actually have either of you admit it. 

You honestly did love working here. You had a job, a safe home, food to eat, that was more than a lot of people. 

You just... needed a break sometimes. 

You gazed across the gardens, watching some of the gardeners tend to plants. You also watched as the king and queen took a stroll, maids following closely behind them, looking deep in discussion. 

You wondered what that life might be like. To be able to just take strolls in the gardens in the afternoon, simply talking with your love. It must be nice. 

“Oh miss! There you are!” One of the other maids came running down the hall, finally having found you. 

“Yes, how can I assist?” You stood, maid mode coming to life. 

“Well… There’s another toad in the kitchens…” She said shyly, and you couldn’t help but let out a laugh. 

“Very well. Let’s go catch a frog.” You smiled, linking your arm through the maids, walking down the hall. You both turned the corner just as the prince turned the opposite one, silently sitting on the very bench you were just sitting on. 

*Today*

“Hey Gyu!” Mingyu picked up his head from behind the counter, smiling at Seokmin. “Here’s your fish order.” He smiled, setting the cooler on the counter. 

“Excellent, thank you!” Mingyu grinned, opening the cooler and peeking inside. “Oof, not a great catch today, huh? I guess I can try to push the sandwiches today.” 

“Well, I had more, but the craziest thing happened this morning.” Seokmin sat on a stool, Mingyu quickly pouring him a coffee. “This morning I was checking the lines, like usual, and as I pulled one of the nets in, all these dogs like… attacked!” 

“Seriously?” Mingyu asked, taking the cooler off the counter. 

“Well, okay not attacked. They just charged me, and considering I wasn’t expecting it, I panicked and let go of the net, letting all the fish go. Plus, through all the chaos, my net got torn, so now I’m down one. That’s actually why I’m late, I was looking for a new one.” 

“No luck?” 

“They’re all so expensive or not great quality. I’d either go broke or would have to buy a new one next week again.” Seokmin sighed, sipping his coffee. 

“Did you check the thrift shop? They have all kinds of weird stuff. You could probably find a decent net there.” 

“...We have a thrift shop?” Seokmin asked, looking at Mingyu. 

“Yeah, a couple blocks away. You’ve never been there?” Seokmin shook his head. “Here, let me get the address for you. They have all kinds of weird things, so it’s definitely worth checking out. Wonwoo got a really cool classic nutcracker there a while ago.” 

“Why’d he get a nutcracker?” Seokmin chuckled, looking at the paper Mingyu was scribbling on. 

“You think I understand anything he does?” Mingyu grinned, handing Seokmin the piece of paper. 

“Fair point.” He smiled, putting some money on the counter for the coffee. “I’ll check it out. See you later to pick up the cooler!” He got up, giving Mingyu a wave and exiting the cafe. Mingyu shook his head, taking the cooler of fish into the back, moving them to the fridge. He smiled to himself, stretching his arms are getting ready for a day of cooking. Jun wouldn’t be in for a couple hours, so it was just Mingyu for a bit. He had walked out to the front, sighing at the empty cafe. 

It wouldn’t be like that in a couple hours, even an hour maybe. But he always liked it best like this. He could be alone with his thoughts, and just do as he pleased. No one was there to tell him what to do. 

He jumped as the phone rang, laughing to himself as he went to answer it. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, is this the cafe?” The other end said, Mingyu grinning. 

“Yes it is. How can I help you?” 

“I’m from the daycare down the street. I kind of need some treats for today for the kids. I know it’s short notice, but is there anyway I could order some pastries from you?” Mingyu looked at the clock on the wall. 

“When do you need them by?” 

“Before 3, preferably.” He did some quick math in his head, knowing when Jun would be coming in and how long it would take to make the treats. 

“Yeah, I can do that.” He nodded. “What’s the address?” 

*Fairy Tale*

You slowly walked down the halls, body tired and mind sleepy. You wanted to go to sleep, but with all the hustle and bustle of the castle as they prepared for another set of suitors for the prince to come, everyone was still in work mode. You made your way to your bench, plopping down and letting out a groan. You always hated when princesses came to woo the prince, mostly because none of them had managed to do it. It always ended up being so much work, then for nothing to change and you having to do this all over again later. At least this time it looked like a bunch of princesses coming at once, and the king was making him choose someone this time. 

You looked out the window, a small smile at all the lights strung through the garden. It looked truly magical out there, especially at night. This would be the perfect romantic setting for the prince to finally fall in love. 

You were almost about to fall asleep when you heard a croak. You looked at the windowsill, and saw a big frog sitting on the other end.

“What is it with this kingdom and frogs…” You muttered, shaking your head at it and then looking back out the window. 

“I could take offence to that.” You heard a voice, looking up and down the hall. No one else was in the hallway, just you. Well, you and the frog. But it couldn’t be the frog talking, that’s ridiculous. 

“Wow, I must be tired.” You said, looking back at the sill. 

“Maybe you should go rest then.” Your eyes widened, looking at the frog. It just spoke. 

“What… Who… What?” You said, rubbing your eyes. Maybe you just imagined you saw the frog talk. Yeah, that’s it. It’s mouth didn’t actually move. You just imagined it did. That has to be it. 

“Wow, such an informal way to speak to the prince.” 

“I’m sorry, the pri… the prince?” You looked around, trying to find Mingyu. This had to be a prank. 

“Did you not recognize me?” The frog said. You slowly shook your head, and you swore the frog pouted. 

“Damn. So I really am a frog.” He turned to face the window, you sitting frozen. 

“Wait… So you’re… You’re really…”

“I’m the prince, yes.” 

“What… How… Uhm… Can you explain?” 

“I kind of… Met with a witch.” 

“Why?” You asked, more confused. Even you knew not to mess with witches, why would Mingyu seek one out?

“Because… Wait, why would I tell you?” He said, looking towards you. You just raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Because I’m currently the one that’s a human and you’re a frog.” 

“...Fair point.” He said, looking back at the window. “But you need to swear to not laugh.” 

“I make no full promises, your highness, but I can try.” 

“Okay, I went to her to figure out who my true love is.” He admitted, you just blinking at him. 

“Why… Why would you-”

“Because it’s my last chance. My father gave me until this next birthday to pick a bride, otherwise he’s going to arrange the marriage himself.” 

“So why don’t you just pick some princess? Literally any of the one’s to visit this castle would probably die if you proposed.” 

“Because I wanted to try to find my true love. I don’t want to spend my life married to someone just because…  I thought I could do it, but now it’s getting closer to my birthday and I… I’m running out of time.” 

“So you went to a witch?” 

“I was hoping to have her help me find this person, but instead she turned me into a frog. What she wants me to get from this, I don’t understand.” 

“So you’re like… You’re a hopeless romantic, huh?” 

“Shut up.” He muttered, taking a big breath. 

“...What if I helped you?” 

“What?” 

*Today*

“Hello?” Mingyu called, walking through the front door of the daycare. He tried to balance the treats, looking around. No one was inside, it looked like all the kids were outside playing. “Is anyone here? I have treats!” 

“One second!” He heard, looking around, not sure where the voice had come from. He spun in a circle as you walked in, a smile on your face as you watched him twirl. He stopped as he saw you looking at him, an amused look on your face. 

“Oh, hi.” He said, slightly blushing. 

“Hello. I’m assuming you’re the treats I heard about?” You said, eyes widening a bit. “Not that you’re the treat! I meant… I meant you have the treats… You are the person who brought them. For the children. Yeah.” You rambled, Mingyu letting out a laugh. 

“Uhm, yes. I have the treats.” He held them up a little bit, looking around the room. “Where should I put them?” 

“Oh, over here.” You said, trying to hide your face. You were so embarrassed that you literally just called this guy you had never met a treat. How did that happen? You led him to a counter, clearing some of the crafts from the day to another table. He set them down, starting to unstack the boxes. 

“I hope these work. You just kind of said whatever, so I brought some of the more popular things that kids like…”

“Oh, I wasn’t the one that called. That was my boss.” You said, waving a hand, looking over the treats. You had to admit, they looked really yummy. 

“Oh… Well-”

“These look great though!” You said, taking the top of the box off. “The kids are going to inhale these.” 

“Awesome.” He grinned and you half swore you fell in love. A part of you felt like you had seen him before, but you knew that if you had seen that smile before you would definitely remember him. 

“Oh! Payment!” You said, skipping to the office. Mingyu looked after you, half amused by you. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something about you that he just felt comfortable about. 

“Here you go!” You smiled, coming back into the room, handing him an envelope. 

“Oh, thank you.” He smiled, and you both stood there quite awkwardly. “So, are you new here?” 

“Oh, uh, no. I’ve actually worked here for a while.” You smiled, scratching your head. 

“Ah. I’ve never seen you here before so-”

“How often are you here?” You asked. 

“Well, not that often, actually. I’ve been here a couple times when you have festivities and events and such, but otherwise uhm… Not much.” He quickly looked around, rambling a bit. “I’ve just… I don’t think we’ve met before.” 

“Hi.” You grinned, holding out a hand. “I’m Y/N.” 

“I’m Mingyu.” He smiled, shaking your hand. “I should… I should get back to the cafe.” 

“Alright.” You nodded, pointing back to the treats. “Thanks again for that. The kids are going to love it. My boss thought the kids should have a nice treat today.” 

“Not a problem. It was easy to make.” He waved them off, starting to leave. “Hey uhm… If you wanted to, I have some extra ones back at the cafe. If you wanted to stop by later, I could give you some.” 

“Okay.” You smiled, nodding your head. “I’ll try to stop by.” 

“Okay.” Mingyu grinned, waving one last time and officially leaving. You giggled to yourself, turning back to set up the pastries. 

*Fairy Tale*

“Y/N, we might as well just give up.” Frog-Mingyu said as you pulled him out of your bag and placed him on a chair. 

“Mingyu,” You said, formalities dropped a while ago. What were you going to do, he’s a frog. “We have to be close. They’re bound to be here somewhere.” 

“My birthday party is tomorrow. That’s the deadline from my father.” 

“What’s he going to do, marry you off as a frog? There’s nothing that can be done until you break this curse.” 

“He could go find the witch and demand to change me back. He’s the king.” He sighed, and you let out your own frustrating sigh. You had been everywhere with him, trying to figure who his true love could be. All he knew was that he had to get a kiss from his true love for the curse to be broken, which made it all the more difficult on your part. Not too many maidens were willing to just… kiss a frog. 

“We have until tomorrow night then!”

“Y/N, it’s hopeless. Do you know how many maidens are in this kingdom? Not to mention that they might not even be in this kingdom. This was a stupid idea and I just need to accept my fate.” 

“I’m sorry Mingyu.” You muttered, feeling bad you couldn’t help him more. Slowly over the last few days, you started to see a new side of Mingyu. He was actually… Almost charming? He actually had a decent sense of humor too, not to mention how sweet he turned out to be and how much he really cares about his people and worries about if he’ll be able to be a good ruler. He also told you that he often sneaks into the kitchens and has been learning to cook for the past couple years as a stress reliever. If you hadn’t known better, you could have sworn you were falling for…

No. You couldn’t do that. He was the prince. No. 

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You should go get some sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” 

“You too. Goodnight Mingyu.” You got up, leaving the room. You sighed to yourself in the hallway, suddenly feeling very sad. You quickly shook your head, making your way back to the servants wing. 

You were about half way there when you realized you left your bag in Mingyu’s room. You groaned, quickly turning around and sneaking back. It would be bad enough to be caught sneaking into the princes room late at night. You lightly knocked on the door, not getting a response. As you opened the door, you saw your frog-prince asleep on the chair. You quickly snuck in, grabbing your bag. You were about to leave when you looked at the prince momentarily. 

You weren’t sure what prompted you to do this, but you felt yourself lean towards him, lightly placing a kiss on his head. You sighed, about to leave the room when there was a blinding flash of light, causing you to cover your face. 

As you lowered your hands, you let out a silent gasp. 

Mingyu was human again. Still asleep, but human.

Before you could process what was going to happen, you quickly fled the room, Mingyu startling awake.

*Today*

You took a deep breath, opening the door to the cafe. As you stepped inside, there were only a couple people sitting around, plus a guy standing behind the counter reading a book. You slipped onto a stool, looking around the cafe. You had to get directions from your coworker to get here, you couldn’t believe you’d never come across this place. It was pretty cute. 

“Can I get you something?” You looked up, the guy with the book eyeing you. 

“Uhm. Can I have a coffee?” You asked, waiting for a response. He looked at you for a second more, not responding. You were about to take it back when he shut the book, pulling out a mug and filling it with coffee. He set it in front of you, pointing to a basket down the counter. 

“Extras are in there if you want them.” He said, picking his book back up. 

“Oh, thank you.” You smiled, getting up to grab some cream and sugar. Once you mixed everything together, you took a sip, letting out a sigh. 

“Let me guess, you’re waiting for Mingyu.” 

“How did you…” 

“Girls usually wait here for him.” He nodded his head towards some girls down the counter from you. “They’re here every day at this time knowing he comes back in soon.” 

“Oh…” You said, suddenly feeling awkward. 

“You’re Y/N though, right?” You looked back at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uhm. Yeah?” 

“He told me you would come by.” You almost swore you saw a smile, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “He called me to set aside some of the pastries for you in case you came in before he got back. Hang on.” He suddenly left, leaving you at the counter. 

He came back a minute later, putting a plate in front of you. There were two pasties on it, both almost perfectly made. 

“Oh, thank you.” You said, going for your wallet. 

“It’s on the house.” He said, going back to his book. 

“But I-”

“Look, Mingyu catches a lot of people’s attention. It’s how his life has always been. But not that many people manage to catch his attention. It’s on the house. Plus he would be extremely offended if I let you pay.” You felt your face burn a little bit, a small smile on your face. 

“Well thank you…” You looked for his nametag. “Jun.” 

“Don’t mention it.” He said, officially going back to his book. You smiled, taking a bite of the pastry, sighing about how delicious it was. 

*Fairy Tale*

Mingyu sighed, leaning on his elbow, looking at the crowd of people in front of him. He couldn’t figure this out. Last night, he went to sleep as a frog, and when he woke up this morning he was human again? He swore he heard the door shut when he woke up, but by the time he got to the hallway he couldn’t see anyone. How did that happen? Did his father already know and already went back to the witch? Did the curse break some other way? What on earth could have done it? 

“Alright son, did you make your decision?” His father asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mingyu looked up at him, inhaling deeply. He looked at the group of princesses his father had selected for him, not sure what to do. He knew he’d probably be content with any of them. Could probably marry any of them, rule nicely together, have some polite children, and live an okay life. 

But would he ever be truly happy with them? 

Part of him remembered someone last night. He swore he remembered getting kissed by someone. But was it just a dream? It had to be. If his true love had come and kissed him, surely they would have woken him up. Why would they have run away like that? Not to mention the only person that knew about the curse was you...

Mingyu’s eyes widened. What if it was you? But it couldn’t be… Could it? 

As if on cue, you walked into the ballroom, carrying a tray of pastries. You had a polite smile on your face as you set the desserts out, avoiding contact with guests like you had been trained to do. The staff here was particularly excellent and sneaking in and out of parties. Mingyu found you rather quickly though, you not leaving his sight. 

“Yes, I have.” Mingyu said, pushing himself out of his chair, walking through the crowd. 

You had just put the last treat on the table, ready to leave the room. Desserts were usually the last part of these parties, hopefully meaning once you cleaned up you’d be able to return to your windowsill. You turned as you saw Mingyu approaching you, internally panicking. You had avoided him all day, scared of what happened last night. Hopefully you could make this quick and painless.

“Good evening, your Highness-” You had started, going into your formal conversation mode. You couldn’t make it very far, since when Mingyu reached you he lightly put his hands on either side of your face, bringing your face to his. You heard the gasps in the room, but were shocked enough of the fact that Mingyu had simply kissed you. He slowly pulled away from you, keeping his face close to yours. He looked into your eyes, taking a deep breath. 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” He whispered, and you tried to figure out how to use words. 

“What...?” 

“You’re the one that saved me, aren’t you?” 

“Your Highness… I-”

“Y/N.” He said, causing you to look into his eyes. You slowly nodded your head, and felt your heart pound as he grinned. 

“I knew it.” He said, leaning forward to kiss you again. You pulled back again, looking at him. 

“What about your father and the princesses and-”

“Hey, hey.” He looked at you, the smile still on his face. “I had until today to pick someone, didn’t I?” You nodded your head, and you swore his smile just grew. “Well, if you would choose me, I choose you.” 

*Today*

You took another bite as the bell on the door dinged, Jun simply waving a hand. Mingyu walked behind the counter, smiling at you. 

“Hey, you made it!” He grinned, you nodding your head as you chewed. You quickly swallowed, swearing Jun was smirking at you. 

“Yep. Thought I would try to check it out.” You said, pointing at the pastry. “This really is delicious. It’s almost better than the ones you brought today.” 

“I thought those were for the kids.” Mingyu joked, a smirk on his face. 

“They were, but it doesn’t mean there weren’t extras.” You teased back. “We don’t have that many kids, you know.” You laughed, painfully aware of the mild glares you were getting from the girls down the counter, watching you chat with Mingyu so casually. 

“That’s fair. There was one more that I tried, kind of an experiment. Hold on.” He winked, setting his coat down and walking in back. Jun just shook his head, trying to not laugh. 

You smiled to yourself as you felt a warm breeze blow past, confused that you didn’t hear the door open. Jun seemed to experience the same confusion, making eye contact with you before you both fell unconscious. 

You woke up a bit later, confused as to where you were. You blinked a few times, seeing the bright colors of a… could you be in a tavern? You slowly picked up your head, resting on a counter. You looked around, seeing a couple other people laying on the counter down from you, attempting to wake up themselves. You saw Prince Jun standing up behind the counter, holding a hand to his head. 

“What the…” He looked up, meeting your eyes. “Y/N?” 

“Jun?” You both looked at each other, pure confusion. “What’s going on…” 

“I don’t know…” He looked around, trying to put the puzzle pieces together. 

“Do you think we were…” You stopped as you saw Mingyu come from around the corner, looking around. “Mingyu.” You said, causing him to stop and turn to face you. 

“Y/N! Jun!” He laughed, coming around the counter to hug you. “Where the hell are we?” He asked, looking up at Jun but still holding onto you. 

“I have no idea…” Jun said, looking around. You could tell he was looking for his own love, hoping for them to come from around the corner. 

“Other people have to be here, right? If we’re here and Jun’s here, others have to be here too, right?” You offered, trying to provide some comfort. “Maybe she’s just not in this particular place. Anything specific for where she could be?” Jun looked in thought for a second, eyes suddenly widening. 

“I know where she is.” Jun said, quickly running from the building before you or Mingyu could say another word. 

“Looks like we have a new adventure, huh?” You said, placing your hands on Mingyu’s arms as he continued to hug you. 

“I guess so. Can I ask one favor this time?” You turned your head to look up at him. “Can I be the one to save you this time?” 

“Only if you turn me into a frog, mister.” You grinned, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss. “Come on, let’s see if we can catch up to Jun.” You grabbed his hand, pulling him from the building. 

“Of course princess.”

[staticscreenwriting]

the beginning and end of everything - one

Synopsis: Roger likes books and coffee and pretty girls. Part 1 of ?

Inspiration: My love for books with long pretentious words and a post by @briansclogss called “A Concept: Going to the Bookstore with Roger”. Gotta give credit where credit is due :)

Note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  If you liked this part and wanna help me out, please consider a reblog. Thank you.

“I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda: The Love Letters of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald

When people think of London, they don’t usually picture vibrant blue skies and sunshine that covers the whole city in gorgeous hues of golds and oranges. And today was anything to go by, Roger could see why that was.

The sky was covered in dark grey clouds, heavy with rain. Winds were coming in from east and west, blowing his blond hair in every direction making it look even more unruly that it naturally did.

He could feel the first drops of water crashing down onto his shoulders as he maneuvered his way through yet another narrow alleyway. He wasn’t home in this part of the city and it all looked kinda similar. Bricks on bricks on bricks. Really, it was his own fault. They’d played a gig last night and, Roger being Roger, he’d caught the eye of some gorgeous redhead by the bar. So a few shots down and he found himself in her bed somewhere in the east side of London. And though he’d been around here a few times, her flat had been nestled in the back end of some unknown alley. The street name he hadn’t been able to pick up in his drunken haze either.

So here he was, hungover, bit lost and about to be soaked.

His eyes wandered around the nearby buildings, all looking slightly the same. There had not been a single tube station in sight since he’d left the girl’s flat and at this point he started to desperately crave some kind of breakfast and a drink to wash down the taste of last night’s whiskey still pelting his tongue.

And as if god had heard his silent pleas and decided to mock him just a little bit more, the skies opened up to a thundering storm. Rain kept falling faster and harder, soaking through his jacket and making his hair cling to his face in wet streaks.

Turning down yet another street, Roger was faced with yet more brick walls and shop windows of various antique stores selling artistically designed door knobs and lampshades. Until his eyes landed on a brightly lit sign above one of the stores.

In warm yellow light, breaking through the grey of the sky, the sign advertised “ the little lantern café and bookstore”. And Coffee sounded like a heaven sent right now.

Picking up his step a little, Roger hurried towards the door, making the bell chime as he entered the little shop. The first thing he noticed, was the smell of freshly brewed coffee flowing through the building. A homely warmth wrapped around him as he stepped inside the main room. The place wasn’t huge, just a few tables and a bench by the window, but it seemed comfortable and cute. The furniture was made of dark wood and there were shelves over shelves going down the entire left side of the place, stacked with books, some of which seemed brand new, some of which seemed like they had been through a few hands in their lifetime.

The ceiling, he noticed then, was painted a dark blue color, almost exactly replicating a night sky. Nylon strings were attached to the ceiling and hung from them were lanterns in all shapes and sizes emitting a warm glow.

Roger liked the place, he decided. It felt oddly familiar. Like something he would see in some cheesy romance movie only it looked way less cheesy in real life.

“ I’ll be with you in a second “ a voice called out from behind a counter in the back of the place, where Roger assume was the kitchen. “ please take a seat. “

So that’s what he did. Sitting down on the bench by the window and watching the rain pour down outside.

“ Sorry it took me so long I — oh dear, you’re soaked “ turning back around, Roger came face to face with a girl who seemed to be around his age. The lanterns cast a ring of golden light around her and Roger couldn’t help but let a smile tug on the corner of his lips. Maybe god sent him rain as a punishment but it seemed like he also sent him an Angel and he thought that truly made up for it.

“ I uh — it’s alright. “

“ You’re gonna get a cold. Let me just — “ and before Roger could even answer, she was already gone again, fumbling around the counter. “ There’s a menu on the table feel free to pick out what you like. “

He thought he voice fit her. It sounded warm and gentle. Her voice sounded just like this placed felt.

Thumbing through the menu, Roger decided on a black coffee. Maybe that would finally wake him up a little. As the girl kept doing whatever she was doing, Roger took it upon himself to walk over towards the bookshelves. Some of them, the ones holding the newer books, were labeled. They went from historical fiction to science fiction to romance and non-fiction. The ones with older books, were what really caught his attention though. He couldn’t help but wonder what these books had been through. What roles they had played in other people’s lives. How they had influenced those people.

He often found himself wandering down a mental road that lead him nowhere. One in which he wondered just what kind of influence his music had on people. What influence it would have one day. If it would ever mean as much to people as these books did at some point. He wondered if his music would ever be someone’s personal soundtrack. If his songs would ever make people think back to certain memories in their lives that lay long forgotten in the back of their hearts. He wondered if his music would ever make people feel — something.

“ Here you go. I can not watch you shivering, it breaks my heart. Please dry yourself off. “

The girl exclaimed and reached out towards him, holding out a fluffy white towel.

“ Sorry that’s all I can offer you. But I’m sure a warm drink is gonna do the trick. Have you decided on anything ? “

“ Just a black coffee please. And uh — thank you for this. “ Roger replied, holding up the towel before ruffling his hair to get it to dry at least a bit.

“ It’s nothing, really. Would you like anything to eat ? “

The thought of some greasy bacon or a good helping of scrambled eggs, made Roger’s stomach grumble. He could really go for some of that. Though he knew for a fact that the money he had with him was just about enough to cover the coffee and a ride home if he ever managed to find a tube station.

“ I don’t really have enough money on me right now. Left my wallet inside my friend’s car, you know. Thank you though. “

She just nodded, a smile on her face that was radiating with warmth. “ Alright, coming right up. “

Roger took one of the used books from the shelves and sits back on the bench by the window. The storm was still raging outside with unprecedented fury, creating a complete contrast to the utter calm and undeniable warmth he found in this little café at the end of an alleyway made of bricks.

“ There you go “ the girl showed up again, placing before him a steaming cup of coffee and a plate full of eggs and bacon.

“ I said I didn’t — “

“ It’s on the house.”

“ Love, you don’t — “

“ I know I don’t have to. But I want to. You look cold and hungry and, no offence, a bit hungover. Let me do my good deed of the day, please. “

And when she gave him a smile so radiant it put the lanterns to shame, Roger couldn’t help but nod and smile back, “ thank you “.

“ You’re welcome, oh Frankenstein “.

Roger glanced down at the book in his hands, to be completely honest, he hadn’t really paid attention to which book he had grabbed from the shelves. All he noticed was how old and worn out the book had looked and the creepy black trees on the spine.

“ Is it any good ? “

The girl just shrugged her shoulders and granted him a half smile. Usually Roger thought half smiles were absolute shit. A smile should mean something right, and if you only had it in you to smile halfway, maybe don’t smile at all.

But her smile, even if it was only half of it, seemed like it was worth a hundred full-on smiles from other people.

“ I mean, it’s a classic. It’s not for everyone. Guess it depends on what you like the read. You read a lot ? “

Roger thought of all the books stacked in the corner of his room. Ones that he had read what felt like a million times and ones that he had never touched again after he had purchased them. He used to have a book basically glued to his hand at all points of the day. But then adult life swooped in and things got exponentially harder. Juggling university and the band and keep up a social life ? Those things keep you busy. And little joys like reading a good book, just had to take the back burner.

So he just shrugged in reply “ what is much ? “

And that made her laugh. Roger thought that that must’ve been one of the best sounds he’s heard in a while.

“ I mean, it’s the story of Frankenstein and his monster. It’s not a bad books I just — I’m a fan of cheesy romance novels with long pretentious words. But I can appreciate the art of Mary Shelley’s writing and her significance in shaping the science-fiction genre. Especially as a woman. “

He wanted her to keep talking. To hear what she thought about all kinds of things. About her favorite books, her favorite music. He wanted to know every little thought swirling through her head. Her mind, he thought, must be a terribly fascinating place. And he knew then, that he shouldn’t place such unreachable expectations on her. That he shouldn’t make her out to be this ethereal, magical being of a women. But when you fall so deep in adoration with someone, there’s just not stopping your heart and your mind from going places.

Roger didn’t believe in love at first sight. Love isn’t an instant thing. It’s something that grows. Something that needs work. Something that needs a foundation to be built on. Roger, however, did believe that some people can ignite a spark inside of you. And he could feel that spark burning deep inside him, brighter and brighter with every word that roller off her tongue.

“ Why are you looking at me like that ? “ she asked, raising her eyebrow in confusion.

Crap. Way to be smooth and subtle, Roger.

“ I like to hear you talk. You seem — passionate about this stuff. “

And maybe that was what it was. Roger loved to take the piss out of Brian but he could honestly listen to him ramble for hours about music and guitars and new lyrics and riffs he came up with. Because passion, he thought, was a virtue. One that made people interesting. Lovable. Admirable.

“ I am. The bookstore was kind of my idea. The café’s been here for year. My mom and dad started it. Then uh — then life happened and I had to take over. Thought I should bring in some of myself. The little lantern café turned into the little lantern café and bookstore. “

“ It’s a really nice place. Also, this bacon ? Just the right amount of crips. So good. “

“ Yeah, you gotta get some greasy stuff in you. Best hangover cure. “

“ Truer words have never been spoken. “

And just like that they fell deep into conversation about books and hangovers and what exactly was the right amount of crisp for a platter of bacon. Like two old friends catching up after not having seen each other in a while. Like two souls finding each other again. Like two lights in the dark.

And as the storm was raging on outside the café, time seemed to slow down. Time stopped. Time was completely forgotten.

- OOO -

“ Oh shit ! “ Roger exclaimed as his eyes fell onto the clock placed by the counter. The storm had calmed down a little but rain was still pouring from the heavens.

His breakfast had been devoured long ago and he had just finished his second cup of coffee as the realisation hit. He had band practice and the guys would surely have his ass if he didn’t show up on time.

“ Fuck. Love, I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and I loved the bacon but I really gotta run. Can you tell me how on earth I can get to the nearest tube station ? I’ve been looking around for hours before I stranded here, this is the literal end of London is it ? “

She chuckled at that and pulled out a little notebook and a pen. “ Look, let me write down the instructions. It’s not far from here but it’s a bit hard to find. “

As she scribbled down the directions, Roger couldn’t help but admire her. The way her hair fell into her face, the way she scrunched up her nose thinking about the best way to write down instructions so he would understand them. She was beautiful. Gorgeous.

“ Okay, this should do. But please, let me get you an umbrella “.

“ I can’t ask that, it’s bad enough you don’t let me pay for my food or coffee. “

“ You paid for it plenty with your company. No one listens to me ramble about books, usually. “

He wondered why anyone would ever deny themselves of such a pleasure.

“ Well they should. I think you have a lot of fascinating things to say. “

“ Yeah ? “

“ Definitely. “

He thought he could see her blush at those words but maybe it was just wishful thinking.

She handed him a bright red umbrella and the worn out copy of Frankenstein.

“ Read it. Make up your own opinion. And don’t let my words spoil it for you. Maybe it’ll become your favorite. “

He doubted that but he would give it a try, if only to remember her by it.

“ Thank you for keeping me company. “

“ Thank you for — all of it. “ Roger chuckled and placed a kiss on her cheek. Maybe he was overstepping boundaries here but he just couldn’t help himself. Roger was a lover of nice things. Of fast cars and loud music and pretty women. And you don’t get nice things if you don’t risk a rejection every once in a while.

But a rejection was not what he got then. No, what he got was a kiss on his cheek in return.

As he moved towards the door, towards the storm and the cold, he glanced back towards her.

“ I’m sorry, I completely forgot to ask for your name. I’m such an asshole” .

“ You’re not. You’re very sweet. I didn’t ask for yours either “ she said and smiled.

“ It’s Roger “

“ Nice to meet you Roger. I’m (Y/N). “

And that made him smile, for whatever reason. It was just a name.

But it was her name.

So with the that, he opened the door and stepped into the rain. Just a red dot in a sea of grey.

When people think of London, they don’t usually picture vibrant blue skies and sunshine that covers the whole city in gorgeous hues of golds and oranges.

Maybe, Roger thought, those people were just looking in the wrong places. Maybe they had to search harder.

Because sometimes that sunshine, those hues of gold and orange, that warmth, could all be found in a little café at the edge of the city nestled between brick walls. And in the smile of the girl who worked there.

[annoyedfanfiction]

Jim Kirk x fem!reader (12)

“You’ve got to be up for Alpha,” you assured Christine, leaning over to give her a hug. “The Beta staff will look after me fine.” “Are you sure?” She yawned, eyes tired. “You look exhausted. Go to bed, everything’s good here.” You ushered her off, crossing your legs on the boiled and pulling over your console. “Are you ok, Ambassador?” The young Beta nurse bustled in, quickly scanning your vitals. “Do you need anything?” “I’m happy, thank you, Nurse,” you replied, sincerely. “I admire your ability to function so well at this time of night.” Her laughter bounced off the cold, sterile walls of the medbay. “Well, it’s not so bad once you get a routine,” she shrugged back, smiling. “It’s always better boring than busy.” She drifted around the room, keeping an easy conversation about the events on Betazed, until the doors swished open again and an engineer wandered in, clutching his hand close to his chest. Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven danced across the screen in front of you, but you couldn’t help your mind wandering back to the planet below you. Eventually you gave up and opened a document to begin your report, wondering how you were ever going to explain that actually, one of our most important allies was working with Orion slavers but it’s ok because we accidentally helped overthrow their new dictator after accidentally discovering this. Also, we only discovered this by explicitly disobeying said dictator of an allied planet on her own internal affairs. You decided it wasn’t one of the weirdest mission reports to come off the Enterprise, and probably placed closer to regulation practice than many of them.

“She’s waiting up for you.” The quiet exchange in the medbay foyer drifted to your ears an hour later, as you were finalising the details on your report, and you perked up, watching the door. “It’s not me she’s waiting for,” Nyota called back over her shoulder, cheekily, as she made her way in to sit on the edge of your bed. “Hey (Y/N), just checking in. Chris got you under control?” Bones followed her in, offering a brief pat on your shoulder before he turned to your monitor. “Sure did,” you confirmed, relaxing into the gentle embrace she offered. “I sent her to bed once she was done. She seemed half-inclined to stay up with me but she looked like she was about to fall asleep on her feet.” “It’s been a busy day,” Nyota agreed, standing up again, and placing a gentle kiss on the top of your head. “I’ll check in on you in the morning. Jim’ll be by in a few.” She winked, ducking out of your reach as you swiped at her. “See you in the morning, Ny.” You settled on sticking your tongue out at her. “I’m not dying am I, Bones?” “Ha ha.” He rolled his eyes. “You’ll be fine. Pain meds?” “It’s not too sore,” you answered, fiddling with the bandage as he swatted your hands away. “I’ll be fine.” “Alright, but I’ll leave instructions with the nurse if you change your mind.” He started towards the door. “Oh, by the way kid, I think you’re the only person to successfully make James T Kirk blush since he was 15.”

“Alright Bones, that’s enough!” Jim interrupted, shoving his best friend out as he entered. “She’ll see enough of you tomorrow.” You didn’t hear what Bones said after that. “Sorry if I embarrassed you earlier,” you apologised, rubbing the back of your neck. “I guess I didn’t really think it through.” “No, no it’s fine,” he assured you, hovering awkwardly by the side of your bed. You patted the space next to you and he sat down, pointing at the console. “Whatcha you doing?”  “Well, I was trying to read,” you admitted, “The Raven has always been one of my favourites, I often go back to it to get my mind off things, but tonight, apparently Betazed didn’t want to be ignored. So I wrote my report instead.” “You and Spock will be the only two with finished reports making the rest of us look bad,” he scolded, shutting away your console. “Besides, no work on med leave.” “Oh yeah, coz you always listen to what Bones says,” you teased. He put a hand to his heart in mock offence. “Oh the pain,” he whined, slumping dramatically away from you. “The betrayal!” You laughed, shoving him lightly. A few moments of comfortable silence passed, and you tipped your head gently onto his shoulder. “You were brilliant down there, you know,” you commented, eventually. “I mean, we’ve all heard about how great James T Kirk is, but you’re nothing like they play you up to be. There’s so much more substance when you’re making the hard decisions that they just don’t tell us about. Everything seems like a one plus one kind of equation in the textbooks. I think that’s why no one’s ever passed the Maru, because they only give us two options in every situation and that’s not real life.” “I couldn’t have made those decisions without knowing that I had the best crew available to me,” he answered, easily. “On the ship and on the ground. And you’ve well and truly proven that you’re a crucial part of that crew, just as much as anyone else. So no more jumping into phaser shots.” “You were right behind me to do the same thing, and don’t deny it.” You caught his eye, and he sighed, waving one hand in the air as though searching for some kind of excuse. Minutes passed, both of you deep in your thoughts. “You know, I hear Betazed has a beautiful night sky.”

You woke to your comm buzzing the next morning, and searched blearily for it on the cold floor. “Ny?” you questioned, answered it, and squinting at your surroundings. You were on the floor of the obs deck, head pillowed by something warm and a sinewy kind of soft. “Shit!” You bolted upright, lifting your head from its place on James Kirk’s stomach. “Where are you? I came by to check on you on my way to the gym, because I know you wake up at unholy hours,” Nyota rushed, on the other side of the comm. “You can’t just ditch medbay. McCoy specifically said you had to be attended.” “I’m with Jim,” you answered, trying desperately to keep the pain out of your voice as you clutched your wounded side. “We’re on the obs deck. Sorry Ny. I’ll meet you for breakfast?” You could hear the grin in her voice as she told you to say hi to the captain for me before she signed off. You flipped your comm closed, turning to a now-awake Jim, who was already prying your hand away to get a better look at your side. “I knew this was a bad idea.” You could hear the underlying panic in his voice. “And now you’re hurt and–“ “Hey!” You took his face in your hands, making him look up at you. “I’m not bleeding, it’s fine. Besides, this was my idea. If anything, I should be apologising for using you as my pillow.” He cracked a reluctant smile. “Was I comfortable?” he asked, though his eyes still wandered down to the wound in your side, confirming that it was undamaged. “I think that’s the best sleep I’ve had since I was a kid,” you grinned back, as he stood and helped you to your feet. “Screw best Captain in the Fleet, James T Kirk is the best pillow in the galaxy.” 

[a-dakhtar]

(same anon as dark souls, hope i can prompt twice) i also distinctly remember a post about altean!lance being alfor's brother. *puppy dog eyes* please?

> prompt rules: here

> prompt 1 / prompt 2

prompt 3: heavy the cosmos (pt. 1)

note: this grew to be too long anon so i’ve split it. that being said, i have no idea why it grew too long, and now i am greatly concerned. 

-

“You look… just like my younger brother did,” King Alfor murmured, his piercing blue eyes stuttering away from Lance’s face. “It is… rather disconcerting.”

“Oh,” Lance replied lamely, not sure how exactly to take that. “Sorry, I guess?”

The king – Allura’s dad, who’d died ten thousand years ago but had his memories saved as an AI – quickly said, “No, no! Nothing to be sorry for, young one. I was merely taken aback by it. Please, come closer.”

Hesitantly, not sure of his welcome despite the invitation, Lance crept into the room he’d seen Allura hole up in for hours on end, the curiousness that had brought him here fuelling him on. The tall man gestured him closer, as if he were a frightened cat, the kind smile he wore soothing whatever misgivings Lance might have had.

“I don’t think we’ve met before,” the king murmured, once Lance was standing almost in front of him. “I am Alfor. And you are?”

Lance stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunching as he realised he had no idea what to do now that he’d gotten to this point. Allura was going to be so angry with him for invading her privacy, holy crow. “Lance,” he introduced himself anyway, eyes drifting over to the field of flowers that surrounded them. “This is a pretty cool place.”

“Indeed,” Alfor smiled, looking around himself fondly. “I would bring Allura here whenever I could steal away some free time. Her mother used to love it here too.”

Allura’s mom? Lance wanted to ask, so bad, but he knew he’d already crossed a line coming in here, he couldn’t- “What was her mom like?” Quiznak.

Alfor laughed, a boisterous noise that brought a reluctant smile to Lance’s lips. “Oh by the stars,” the Altean gasped, wiping at an eye theatrically, “She was every bit the varka she was anointed as, loud and bright and so very brave. I-” he halted, mirth fading to a quiet melancholy, a quiet nostalgia that brought to light the wrinkles Lance hadn’t noticed before. “She was a remarkable woman, and I was a lucky man to call her my wife.”

Meaning she’d probably died. Sometime before Alfor had. Before Allura and Coran had been cryogenically frozen for ten thousand years.

God, Lance was an idiot.

“But none of that,” Alfor dismissed, waving a hand in the air to brush it off. “You are one of the new paladins, are you not, young Lance? May I ask which lion you pilot?”

Lance perked up at that, always willing to talk about his amazing blue lion, and proudly said, “The greatest lion of all, of course. The Blue Lion!”

(warmth fondness pride my paladin my paladin my paladi-)

Alfor let loose the same laugh as before, quickly defending himself at Lance’s offence with, “I’m not laughing at you, young one! No, it’s just- your predecessor had said the exact same thing before, many times! Ah, Blue truly knows how to choose her paladins!”

Blue rolled in fondness, pawing at Lance from her place at the back of his mind. He pawed back, or at least tried to, still unused to whatever bond it was they shared, still unused to having a sentient, robotic, space ship lion choose him, of all people.

A table materialised in front of them, a little round thing with fancy detailing like the kind his mama bought from antique stores. Two chairs accompanied it, fazing in like a cool glitch, equally detailed, and Alfor gestured at him to take a seat while he did so himself.

“I would be pleased to hear more of how you came to be here, Lance,” the king said warmly, eyes crinkling at the edges, “If you are free and have the time?”

He probably didn’t. Allura was probably calling for them all, demanding they train. Or maybe Coran was searching for him to help clean the cryopods. Or-

-the flowers swayed in the computer generated wind, Alfor’s hair glitched, ever so slightly, and blue trilled at him mournfully, at the remains of a king long dead revived by the press of a button.

“Sure,” Lance said carefully, sitting down on the offered chair and ignoring the happy look that crossed Alfor’s face. “But you gotta tell me about this other blue paladin guy, sounds like a genius to me.”

Alfor laughed, leaning in as Lance settled, and promised, “Oh, I will.”

#

“And then Shiro remembered this dude he fought in the arena with who had the exact same weapon and how he defeated him, and bam!” Lance narrated, miming Voltron’s counterstrike. “We won!”

Alfor dutifully clapped, expression clearly showing he was impressed. “This… robeast-” he stumbled over the word, “-sounds like a ferocious enemy. It is most impressive you were able to stay on equal ground with it, let alone defeat it. Your team is young, Lance, but gifted.”

Preening at the praise, Lance nodded, finally taking his seat again from where he’d been pacing, too caught up in bringing Alfor up to speed on what had happened since he’d last snuck in.

This had become something of a habit, stealing away from the group to have a few minutes with Alfor, making sure it was after Allura had come and gone to avoid running into her.

He felt bad about it, kinda, since this was her dad, and Lance absolutely knew he would’ve been jealous (and pissed) if someone had been doing the same with something that belonged to him.

But he also felt bad at the idea of… not coming here. At the idea of leaving Alfor behind in this huge field of pretty flowers with nobody but Allura for company. Sure, Alfor wasn’t actually a person, wasn’t actually the Alfor Allura and Coran knew. Sure, he was just memories and alien tech working to formulate what Alfor statistically would have said and in what tone and with what face, but…

… Still.

So Lance kept coming, time and time again. Kept an eye out for Allura and her long hair leaving the room, kept an eye out for just how much heartache she carried that day and her expressions; that little twist of her lips, the way her shoulders seemed lighter yet somehow heavier, the stronger voice she ordered them in – it all meant she’d visited Alfor.

And so Lance would visit after.

“You sure it’s okay for me to be here?” He asked anyway, fidgeting on the chair (and how exactly did the room materialise a chair?) as Alfor took a dainty sip of his fake tea.

“Of course,” Alfor replied with a smile, expression kind and welcoming. “I doubt I’m of much help, since you and your team seem to be outpacing myself and my own by lightyears, but I’m here anyway. And if nothing else…” The King paused, smile turning helpless, almost embarrassed. “I do enjoy your presence, Lance. I’ll be happy to have you for as long as it takes for you to get bored of this old man’s tales.”

Lance’s own lips pulled up into a grin, helpless in their joy, as he leaned forward and happily said, “No way, man! Your stories are great! Okay, so,” he threw himself back into his seat, determination furrowing his eyebrows. “I’ll keep coming. But if the others find out and they get pissed at me you gotta protect me, alright?”

Alfor’s snorted, amusement visible as he stroked his beard. “Hmmm… Let me think on it.”

Lance’s indignant squawk had him laughing.

#

The party had still been going strong when Lance had left it, struggling to keep himself in check and not bawl his eyes out like a little kid.

Coran sucked at comforting people, long arms struggling to eat up the distance the holomap spun through to reach the tiny planet known as Earth, showing the full breadth of distance between them.

So far away.

… But at least still there.

At least Earth was still there, Lance realised guiltily, taking in Coran’s heartbroken expression and misty eyes. At least he could still go there, right now even, if he wanted to leave the entire universe to the hands of the Galra. At least he knew his mom, his dad, his brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews were still all right.

Coran didn’t have that. Allura didn’t have that.

“But none of that, my boy.” Coran loudly said, slapping his hands against his thighs as he stood up. “We’ll get you home in a right tick! Just as soon as we defeat the Galra.”

Right.

He just had to stay strong till then.

He took Coran’s offered hand, squeaking a little as the Altean easily hoisted him up, and moved to follow. A tiny metallic whoosh whoosh noise hailed the arrival of Rover, the little triangle robot thing Pidge had suddenly popped up with one day, and Lance gave a distracted greeting to the thing as he followed Coran back to the festivities.

He wondered if Pidge would get him one of his own, if he asked nicely. Colour code the green light to blue and name it Estella, maybe. He glanced back at Rover, noticing again that it’s little beep boop’s were really cute, and-

Hang on.

He looked away, into the hallway, down the other end, Coran the only other soul present. He looked back, at Rover, the little machine floating genially towards the crystal, and-

“Wait, where’s-”

beep boop beep boop beep beep

beEP BEEEP-

“CORAN!”

#

“-y prince!” Steel in his hands, cold and metal- “Inhale, exhale,”

the stars were beautiful tonight, “-re you flirting with me, my lord?”

bayard in his hands, cold and metal- “ackshot, just like always”

umbasa, swirling up above, the constellation hidden in the cosmos, hidden in- 

“this isn’t right, alf-” but nobody listening. superstition, traditionalist, stuck on the words and lapels of his late mother, “don’t-”

quintessance. blue lion. other lions. “voltron.”

a woman’s face, red diafra’s under her eyes, red quintessance in her soul, and thirst drowning her whole-

umbasa. umbasa. umbasa.

a familiar voice, calling his name, “Lance?”

that wasn’t his name.

(that was his name.)

purple, alarms, a familiar, weary face with a scar across the bridge of his nose-

and bright yellow eyes belonging to a man that gripped his shoulder tight and said, “I’ll bring him back to you, every single time.”

ALaddoLrLance (who?) felt his lips pulling into a smile, trust and-

“what are you doing?”

“the quintessance-”

wrong, wroNG, WRONG- screaming, who was- Shiro? Shiro was screaming? W h y wouldn’t they listen to him he had to open his eyes and focus down the sight, align the target, pull back and inhale, and with the exhale, shoot.

bullseye.

“we do make a good team,” Lance murmured, the red armour holding him up squeezing him closer, holding him tight. “You guys make a good team!”

Red and blue, Alfor and Blaytz, pausing in their bickering to look at him, smiling.

HoNEggARvaR pleading with him, “my Prince no, we cannot stop, plEaSe-”

Lance woke up gasping.

[burialuntrue2007]

Wait I don’t get ur post about serving 15 years for murder? Are you saying that’s too short or?

oh yeah sorry uh!!! well yes, ive been getting into canadian true crime specifically and reading about this clause called the “faint hope clause” that was repealed in canada fairly recently. basically the principle is that no matter what crime you’ve committed, after 15 years you can apply for parole. it was instated to give everyone hope for rehabilitation and based partially on the precedent which those countries i posted about have set. i do oppose this and that’s more or less what i was posting about. this is kind of .. one of my special interests or whatever so !!!!!!! imma infodump but i’ll put it under a cut in case what i’ve already said is a good enough answer for you hahaha

i guess i sound pretty cruel being opposed to a measure which is intended to rehabilitate criminals. i’m not in support for harsher sentences across the board, like in cases of drug offences etc, i realize those are difficult issues where rehabilitation should probably be the main goal of the prison system. however the cases I am mostly interested in, and the cases i believe this clause was specifically designed to address, are cases where an offender is a first-degree murderer. the murder was planned and intentional, there are no mitigating factors which could reduce the charge. the clause is designed to soften the automatic minimum sentence for murder charges. frankly i do think some people should be in prison forever, i do actually believe in the death penalty but that’s not part of canada’s legal system anymore.

i guess opposition or support of this clause shouldn’t boil down to emotional case examples because of course there are always cases where it seems like the chance of parole might be necessary for rehabilitation, and also cases where it is a terrible idea. it’s also emotionally difficult because it seems like it’s pitting the interests of the criminal (who is still a human being) against the interests of the victim and victim’s family, who will have to sit through parole hearings and relive what happened to them.

one example of why keeping this clause might be a good idea is the fact that about 1000 prisoners took advantage of the faint clause and 130 were granted parole, and out of these 130, only 14 have been returned to prison. (ref) to me those seem like decent numbers, which makes it seem like parole boards are good at differentiating between those who deserve parole and those who don’t, and that they should have the chance to review cases after 15 years. for those 116 people who have received parole under this clause and seem to be rehabilitated, surely this clause was lifechanging.

however an emotional example of why keeping this clause might be a bad idea is the example of the serial killer clifford olson. he killed 11 children around the area i live in the 80s. one extremely salient point is that olson killed these kids while out on parole. if my memory serves he had only been out of prison for four years in his entire adult life, and he used two of those four years to commit these murders. but because the faint hope clause is meant to apply to the very cases where someone is locked up and the “key is thrown away,” olson applied for parole under this clause in 1997 and again in 2006 and 2010. he’s dead now. olson was mocking and vulgar at these hearings. these are hearings that the families of the victims have to hear about, which they often attend, where they have to be confronted with the person responsible for taking their children away and the possibility that that person might get out of prison. (ref)

but i guess it comes down to whether or not you support the death penalty or permanent punishment for criminals on principle. i think i posted a while ago that i was undecided on that issue but i’ve changed my mind in support. i guess someone who knows my political habits could have predicted that …. i tend to be fairly agnostic about how much we as human beings can actually know in certain areas but i also think we have to do our best. i think if we culturally lose the confidence to punish first-degree murderers we’ve lost something important. evil does exist. our country is not so broken that it’s impossible for the justice system be right in locking up a person who intentionally plans and kills another person. every person has worth but this applies to victims as much as offenders. and i dont think it’s absurd to imagine that if a first-degree murderer was going to truly be rehabilitated they would be able to accept the fact that they deserve prison for life with no possibility of parole, or at least no possibility for 25 years which is the maximum sentence in canada. every person has the chance to repent of their crimes, but ultimately that it is between that person and God, and society still has to do the right thing and repay them for what they’ve done. this is kind of a cobbled together argument with a lot of assumptions, i can’t say i’ve worked it out too well or too systematically, but it’s where i’m at right now.

thanks for asking and im so sorry i set up my soapbox sooo fast lmao. i just am so interested in this stuff and have been learning a lot so i really want to share dfjjgjsdfjjgjdsjfjg but yeah. thank u

[mumofadaofficial-blog]

The Gap Filler

Firstly, a massive thank you to everyone that has read my first post! Your messages and comments have been overwhelming and you will never know how much it means to me to know that you all care enough to read our story - you guys are friggin amazing!! And I am so pleased to see that what I am doing seems to be helping or comforting others in some sort of way.

SO - last time I took you through Adas birth and getting her home. I touched very very briefly on the stressful time we had before Ada came off oxygen so I want to give you a run down on that. As traumatic as Adas entrance into the world was, life didn’t seem to get much easier for us and I think it almost completely fried my brain, but hey, we’re all crazy in one way or another right?!

Going back to KL hospital was an exstremely hard thing for me. The memories of what had happened there were still very fresh and very raw. Ultimately though, if it hadn’t of been for the team of people that initially worked on her, she wouldn’t be here today. So I sucked it up, put on my big girl pants and was ready to give it another chance. 

There was definitely a big difference to Norwich, mainly I would say communication issues that I’m hoping lessons have been learnt from now. From going through this I have realised that parents really need to be included and told what is happening every step of the way, something which I think can easily be overlooked. When your Childs life is in the hands of someone else you NEED to know what is happening. 

I don’t want to dwell too much on the things that were done wrong once we returned but it was a struggle and no parent should have to feel like they are battling with the providers of your Childs care - my advice would be to stand your ground, be strong, ask as many questions as you want and make sure you are happy with the answers and information given. 

I also think its important to remember that not all people take the same pride and care in their job as others do, so we always tried to make a point of thanking the people that went the extra mile for us. 

On the day that we were finally able to take Ada home we were not allowed to do so until she had undergone an MRI scan on her brain, we were told this was just routine. There wasn’t much explanation as to why. Instantly you think to yourself ‘omg, whats wrong?’ ‘Is there something wrong with her brain’ ‘is this routine or are they hiding something from me’ After doing research and asking questions, it is a routine thing to happen after a baby has been starved of oxygen at birth. Thankfully with Ada there was no signs of damage to her brain in the initial overview and this was then backed up by a specialist team at Nottingham (you still can’t stop your brain from thinking ‘what if?’ Whilst waiting to get those results back). After this she then had to have blood tests and a scan on her liver due to certain enzymes not being at an appropriate level. Without sounding thick, I didn’t even know what that meant and my head was just not processing anything properly. The information given to us on what would happen if it didn’t sort itself out was also very patchy. 

Now taking a new born home on oxygen is bloody tough, you find yourself confined to your bedroom or to the lounge, the rooms where we had the oxygen canisters. And you feel very restricted and trapped. So much so that I pretty much only went to my mum and dads or to Tesco if I was feeling super brave. Trying to get a baby out of the car is hard enough when you’ve never done it before, let alone having a back pack with oxygen in it too. Personally we felt that we couldn’t travel up north to see Nathans family as it would be too hard, so unfortunately people had to miss out. Trying to run a house when confined to those two rooms is very hard, that whole sleep whilst the baby sleeps is not even a real thing! When Ada was sleeping I wanted to do my washing, clean up, eat something or even just sit outside and have a coffee. Looking back, I wish I had relaxed a bit more and just thought fuck it! Those jobs were not going to please anyone but myself. Being easier on myself after having a c section would probably of been a better option and I shouldn’t of pushed myself to do so much when it was sometimes really hard to do so. Thankfully Nathan was a good team mate and I have lovely family and friends who all tried to keep me sane and help as much as possible in the process.

In order to assess how Ada was coping and trying to wean her off oxygen it meant having weekly 24hr assessments on an oxygen monitor at home. If you haven’t ever had any experience with one of these its a clever, annoying as shit, little machine that shows her oxygen saturation levels via a sensor on her foot. If they drop below 90 it makes the loudest most annoying bleep you’ve ever heard…great when you’ve just got her to sleep and shes moved and knocked her sensor off 🙄. They are used a lot on premature babies, however, Ada was a full term, strong bruiser of a baby who really enjoyed throwing her feet around and getting into massive strops! (I have absolutely no idea where she gets her attitude from?!) It soon became apparent that trying to get accurate readings from the machine with the amount of movement she was making was going to be hard. The machine would go back, data would be downloaded and the readings were not accurate enough due to movement. It felt like a constant ACCESS DENIED. Back to stage 1, which is really hard on your mental state and emotions when you are desperate to get your baby better. This would mean we would have to repeat the 24hr process and her oxygen level couldn’t be reduced, even though as her parents we knew she was ok and capable. I was left with no choice but to provide a written documentation of EVERY movement that made her sensor drop throughout the 24hr period, sometimes meaning I wouldn’t sleep just to be able to prove that she was doing well. We’re talking like mental person sending in four A4 pages of movements! This went on for weeks, the longer it went on, the stronger Ada was getting and the harder it was to get the readings. At the time she was also struggling with silent reflux which seemed to play up especially for us on the days she had her monitor on - thank god we have now found infant gaviscon!! 

As well as trying to cope with the oxygen there was a lot of different appointments at home, the hospital and doctors. Blood test for her liver enzymes again, health visitor, collecting oxygen monitor, hip scan, monitor again, physio, dropping monitor off, monitor again, dropping it off, another blood test, monitor again, health visitor, monitor again, immunisations, monitor again, physio, monitor again, consultant appointment, blood test, another hip scan, more immunisations, monitor again and physio - you get my drift and I’ve probably missed some out! Whilst all of these appointments were happening I was then having to chase for answers and information on the outcomes of all of these as the communication was very poor. But if you ask enough questions and make enough phone calls, eventually someone will answer you and you will find out what you need to know. Personally I don’t think it should have to be like that and it makes the situation a million times more stressful. But I do understand that staffing levels don’t always allow you to be the main concern and if your out of sight you can often be out of mind. 

Gradually throughout all of this and my crazy note writing Ada was weaned down off her oxygen one step at a time, then it was stopped in the daytime so she only had to go on it at night. 

Finally on the 27th of September we got the call that I had been longing to get! Adas consultant was happy for us to turn her oxygen off, completely! No messing around at night, no more changing plasters and making her face sore (making you feel like the worst person in the world), no more fighting to put her cannula up her nose and no more sleepless stressful nights with a monitor bleeping in your ear! I cried and then rang Nathan and cried a bit more, then I probably rang anyone else in my phone book that would answer, and you guessed it, cried some more. For once throughout this they were tears of happiness and relief. She had finally done it, our miracle baby had stuck her fingers up to the world and smashed it! In the words of the king that is George Michael ‘You got to have faith’ 😉 

Now, our only reason to go to the hospital is for extra immunisations against bronchiolitis, unpleasant, but better than her being hospitalised again or poorly. And for routine check ups with her consultant which will happen until Ada is 2. 

Deep breath for this part. 

The effect that this has had on me has been unreal, and although Ada is fighting fit it still isn’t easy. I was always quite ignorant to issues involving mental health and was one of those ‘just get on with it’ people. I’ve now realised that sometimes this just isn’t possible. When something in your life has been so traumatic and so stressful it can be really hard to deal with and process, my main concern was Ada and to worry about me later. It is also very easy for people to say ‘she’s fine now so don’t worry’ but you do (please don’t take offence if you have said this to me!).

Hiding your feelings and pretending everything is ok is not healthy for anyone, but to seek help was not something I was prepared to do until recently. I am by no means crazy, or a manic depressant but I do have my bad days. Days when things get to me and the stress takes over, flash backs, not being able to sleep because my brain won’t switch off, worrying that something will go wrong, being well and truly put off from having any more children, having to have full control of all situations, and for weeks, I fully blamed myself for what happened to Ada and believed that I should of known something was wrong and prevented the whole situation. I have felt in the past like I am not good enough, like I’m doing a shit job and like I can’t cope. I have struggled to speak about how I feel as I was worried I would be judged or people would think I was a shit mum or that I couldn’t look after Ada properly. I have also pushed help away as I feel compelled to be some sort of ‘super mum’ and that no one else should be doing my job. 

I still cannot talk about what happened without crying, and there isn’t a day go by when I don’t relive it at some point. I constantly look to see if Ada is developing as she should and is there any signs that something isn’t right, when I should just enjoy every moment. Living with me is probably a nightmare, Soz Nath, Mum and Dad - cheers for putting up with me 😘 Somedays I will snap at the smallest thing and overreact, whereas another day that same thing wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. 

I am a very private person when it comes to my feelings and I have always thought to show people the venerable side of me would make me seem weak, when in fact it does the opposite. From doing this and the responses I’ve had I now realise just how important it is to talk out and show everyone the old saying of ‘It’s ok not to be ok’. To write this down and tell you all what has happened is unbelievably difficult, yet very therapeutic and I strongly believe that if more people were to speak out about how they feel and the effect it has, then it wouldn’t be such a taboo subject. Because it most definitely shouldn’t be and anyone who says they haven’t had a full scale meltdown at some point is most probably lying to you. 

Ok, so might as well of just posted a naked picture of myself with the caption ‘HERE I AM’ after all that, but thats probably about as honest as you will find me. 

Amy x

[tvranny]

talk of my internalized transphobia although not in the same way as the other times. like it’s not... like.... hm. i just talk about how it  upsettingly affects the way i view trans positivity and shit like that and how it makes me feel like a fucking ass

i feel selfish but certain trans positivity gets under my skin. and obviously that’s just my dysphoria and internalized transphobia speaking rather than legitimate viewpoint. it just makes my eye.. mentally twitch. 

on that note, no one really is close to me like that or would bother (and that’s fine; not saying that as a “uwu give me attention” sort of thing, you can’t be abrasive and anti-social and then expect attention and people wanting to interact with you in any sorta way) but just in case; please do not like. send me any significant trans positivity posts or say... shit like that. to me 

ill realize it’s a “gift” and somehow “amazing and awesome” on my own time. it’s in no way bad (why would positivity be bad) but on a personal level i’d really like to not have that sort of epiphany shoved into my face, it only amps up my bitterness. and that’s where i feel selfish and conceited because obviously that shit.. existing is not “shoving it in my face” but again, basing it off the theoretical that someone WOULD send me something like that or respond to my venting with that sort of thing. please... do not.

it’s so fucking weird. it’s like this shit triggers me, which is so damn silly. i’d never imagine a case where positivity for a certain thing triggers such extreme self-hatred and loathing and bitterness about that certain thing, and yet, here i am, being the self-centered son of a bitch i typically am. god bless. 

remember that post i moaned about when my view on being trans really took that major hit a couple of days ago and set me back about 5000 yards in viewing it positively? ‘member how it wasn’t even a bad post, although i still consider it incorrect and underestimating the amount of shit trans people face in the LGB  community until you eventually find an accepting niche?

 i think that was just upsetting to me also because i know that that person doesn't seem to concern himself with minor offences like cissexism etc.. as much while i can’t handle any bit of it at all, so to say that i’ll be fine seemed invalidating on a personal level because no. no, i’m not fine, and i won’t be fine. i can transition and live my life considered a male at last, that’s fine, possible, but the day i feel at home in the LGB communities is the day i fucking die. when i hopefully find a group of people that are like me or at the very least truly accept me things’ll seem brighter but to look me in the fucking eyes and tell me that it’s fine and the LGB communities in general could ever truly be concerned with trans people is a fucking joke.

although that could just be me. i still feel like utter shit about all of this lol.

either way, i had the exact same knee-jerk, “don’t shove your shit positivity in my face” reaction to that and i haven’t even came back from that change in mental state relating to being trans at all yet. positivity that goes beyond “[identity] is valid” just fucking kills me, i guess. that’s so fucking stupid. who does that. who is like that other than me. 

i’m just so fucking... entitled. so selfish. such a fucking crybaby. i can’t stand it. in every fucking way i loathe myself and all i stand for. it’s such a fucking joke

[exquisitley-obsessed]

The Three Women Of Durin - A Step In The Right Direction (43)

MASTERLIST FOR THS STORY

(not my gif)

Rosie stepped outside into the brisk morning air, the cold pinching at her cheeks and piercing her ears as she did so. Ahead of her, Thorin was stepping over the fallen stone from the gate, making his way over to the left and up. Sighing, Rosie followed. As she moved over the rough stones she felt the cold seeping through her clothes and skin, trickling into her bones and attacking her very core. Her fingers soon turned numb which was no help whilst climbing over rocks and her teeth chattered in her skull.

But eventually, as she climbed higher and higher, the stones evened out and a set of steps could be distinguished in the mess of rock. Rosie climbed the last few steps before moving onto a flat rock which was in the shape of a perfect circle, appearing to be their destination. The architecture of the stone was almost elven-like as it was delicate and refined rather than the rough exterior the dwarves were almost famous for.

Thorin was stood at the very edge of the stone, hands folded behind his back and looking out at the soon to be battlefield. Without speaking a word Rosie slowly moved forward and joined him, the bitter cold air now forgotten as Thorin's thrumming heat was now keeping her warm. Silence stayed between them, but this was normal for the two, they enjoyed each other’s company, even if no words were passed between them.

After a while Rosie started looking at the stone once more, it was fascinating to look at, with detailed patterns carved into it, it looked to be one of the few remaining intact things in Erebor. However, the true age of the stone was visible. Weeds and plants grew in the cracks and crevasses of the ageing rock, and in some places, winter flowers had begun to bloom, Snowdrops, Winter Hazel and Flowering Quince to name a few, it gave the setting an even more magical look.

“Biological weathering,” Rosie smiled, her middle school teachings coming back to her.

“Pardon?” Thorin asked turning to her, a smile now on his features. Rosie simply smiled back and nodded at where the flowers lay.

“It’s where rock is weathered by plants getting into the cracks and crevasses of rock. As the plants grow they will push apart the stone and eventually the stone will break and wither away travelling down to water where it will break up along the way so by the time it reaches the water, it’s sediment,” Rosie said automatically after all those years of revising it over and over again. Thorin stared at Rosie before slowly raising an eyebrow. “What? I got an A* on my paper on different rocks, how they’re shaped and smashed,” The two chuckled slightly before turning back to the flowers.

“The virgin tears have always been a favourite of mine,” Thorin smiled happily as if he was replaying a happy memory.

“The what, what’s?” Rosie asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise and interest.

“Those ones there,” Thorin said pointing down to where a group of snowdrops had clustered together.

“Oh,” Rosie said, acknowledging her misjudgment, “Ah, we call those snowdrops but I guess you all have a completely different set of names for everything,” Rosie smiled.

“Ah, I see how that might have been rather…” Thorin began.

“Yeah,” Rosie sighed happily. There was a pause as the two surveyed the snowdrops.

“Virgin tears were my mother’s favorite flower,” Thorin smiled happily, “She said it was the only reason to look forward to winter,” Rosie smiled as a memory of her own mum came flooding into her mind, “When it actually came to winter, she would plant as many as she could in the gardens so that when you walked in, you were surrounded by a waterfall of these white droplets,” Thorin continued to smile dozily as he basked in memories from his childhood somewhere inside his mind and Rosie watched him, happy and content that there were no longer worry lines on his face and that his eyes were no longer dull and…cloudy.

“I don’t actually know who your mother is,” Rosie said dreamily.

“Oh?”

“No, she’s not mentioned in the books…well, I don’t think she is. I only read so much of the book and even then, it was years ago...I’m rather ashamed of myself now,” Rosie said happily expecting Thorin to smile with her, but he didn’t. “Hey? Is everything okay?”

“Well besides the fact that soon I will be riding into war to fill out the duties of my ancestors…I’m dandy,” Thorin said with a touch of sass. Rosie stayed silent for a moment before thinking about what she could have said to upset him, then it came to her.

“Hey, Thorin…” She started, a touch of question in her voice.

“Yeah?” A pause.

“Where is your mother? I mean…not to be rude or anything but….” Rosie trailed off. Thorin didn’t move or speak for a few seconds before he let out a low deep sigh.

“My mother…” He began as if he didn’t know how to put what was in his mind, in words, “My mother,” He started again with more confidence, “died the day that…Smaug took Erebor,” He said slowly as if the words were hard to physically say.

“Oh,” Rosie said, sadness in her voice, “I’m so sorry,” Was all she could muster, on top of everything he had to lose his mother as well.

“It’s okay, I mean…it was a long time ago, I’ve had plenty of time to get over it,” Thorin said softly, a completely new and different tone. “Or, get as close as possible to getting over it,”

“Thorin…” Rosie began but found no words coming to her. Rosie had never truly experienced a family death, I mean the biggest she’d ever had to deal with was her pet hamster scruff dying when she was seven. But she had seen other’s going through it, her parents to be precise.

There was the day when she was around nine that her parents called her from downstairs and sat her down at the dinner table telling her that they had something very serious to tell her. And she thought they were getting a puppy. As it turns out, Rosie’s grandmother had died, the one who lived in France and Rosie had only seen a few times, she never got on with her grandmother, she smoked all the time and put salt on everything and always forced her opinions on the young Rosie.

So, when she heard of this woman’s death, she could not bring herself to react. Because there was nothing to react to. This woman meant no more or less to her than a stranger, she was her grandma…but she was a horrible woman whom Rosie really could not be bothered to go visit. But her parents thought it was a big deal, especially her mum.

It wasn’t the death of her grandmother that had caused little Rosie’s heart to break. It was watching her mum sitting on the stairs, a phone pressed against her face and openly weeping, trying desperately to muffle her sobs as to not wake her little daughter.

And now in her mind, she could see Thorin, head in hands as he not only has to deal with the death of his little brother and mother but his missing father and his people who were now looking at him to lead the kingdom to a safe future.

“Hey Thorin,” She spoke up after being lost in her thoughts for a few moments.

“Yes,” He asked rather tiredly, Rosie paused before talking.

“I really admire you, you know that?” Rosie smiled, Thorin turned to her and looked at her as if she had gone mad.

“What for?” He asked.

“I just…am, I guess,” She smiled, “I just want you to know because, I know we all have moments where we doubt ourselves and our strength and I just want you to know…you’re the strongest person I know…mentally and physically,” Thorin chuckled and Rosie felt a satisfaction creep through her at the sight of his smile.

“I shouldn’t be,” Thorin sighed straightening up and stretching out his back.

“And why ever not?” Rose gasped.

“Because I fell to the gold sickness,” Thorin said with a smile, however, Rosie did not return the favour.

“Thorin…”

“I know! I know!” Thorin laughed throwing his hands in the air, “I shouldn’t let it get to me, I got it! But…it will, okay. It’s going to get to me for the rest of my life and…that’s just something I’ve got to live with,”

“Thorin,”

“What?”

“It wasn’t even that bad,” Rosie tried arguing but was quickly shot down by Thorin.

“Not that bad!” He laughed, “How?”

“I mean…nothing really got hurt, nothing really got damaged!”

“We got damaged…you, me, our…friendship,” The last word was spoken with some amosite which caused Rosie to think he was being sarcastic.

“What? Aren’t we friends?” Rosie asked, slightly hurt.

“Oh, yes of course! I didn’t mean it like…never mind,” Thorin shook his head, still quite riled up. A silence fell over the two as they both looked out onto the view.

“You know,” Rosie said breaking through the tension, “I hated you at the beginning of the trip,” A snort erupted from Thorin, “No, I’m serious,” Rosie laughed, “You really freaking pissed me off,”

“How?” Thorin grinned turning to her.

“How?” Rosie laughed, “Just like…everything about you,”

“Oh brilliant,”

“No, no! I mean, no offence, but you were just so stubborn all the time,” Rosie continued.

“Oh no, don’t worry, this is making me feel a lot better,” Thorin chuckled and shook his head.

“I’m not offending you or anything,”

“You’re not?” Thorin grinned jokingly.

“But I mean…” Rosie cocked her head to one side, “You really were an ass,” They both grinned. “But seriously,” Rosie continued, “Are you like that with everyone who is new to you?”

“No,” Thorin sighed happily, “Just people who gate-crash highly dangerous and meaningful quests that involve me filling out my inevitable destiny to eventually become a king of my long-lost kingdom,”

“Oh…” Rosie said, rather taken aback by his response.

“Yes,” Thorin said dozily, “Oh,” There was a pause.

“So…am I special?” This caused Thorin to tip his head back slightly and allow a string of throaty laughs to escape him, something which Rosie had only ever seen him do once before.

“Yes, I guess you could say you are,” He smiled.

“Brilliant,” Rosie nodded with a smile, another pause as Rosie's mind splurged out the next thing to come into her head, “I can’t believe it’s almost over…the story I mean,” She pondered aloud, “I want to know what happens, after it all I mean…I mean the book gave a general everyone picked up the pieces of their lives and moved on but…you can’t really just do that when it’s…real,” She said as she looked out on the crisp and clear setting, “Part of me is scared,”

“What of? Living your life in this world and for once not knowing what’s coming next?” Thorin said, a little laughter in his voice.

“What...Oh! Yeah, I guess, that too,” Rosie said.

“Why, what were you thinking?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he did so. A silence came from Rosie, then.

“I’m afraid that I’ll be taken back to my old world,” Was all she said which unfortunately only made Thorin more confused.

“But…” He wondered, “Isn’t that a good thing? You get to see your friends and family again and continue living your life with phones and internet, electricity and…no elves,” The last part was a joke but instead of making Rosie smile, it made her heart ache.

“No…well, yes, of course, seeing my friends and family again is…I mean….” Rosie chuckled slightly and shook her head, “I can’t even put into words how much I want to see them again and how much it would mean to me. But all that other stuff…means nothing really,”

“How can it mean nothing?” Thorin asked, amazed because clearly, he was impressed by the world Rosie had come from and secretly wanted to visit.

“I mean…to you it must look brilliant and everything, you know I get that,” Rosie sighed, lowering herself to the ground and hanging her feet over the edge, “But...,” She paused before it all came rushing out, “No expensive phone or life-changing app can ever give me the same feeling as being here with you guys, and I don’t mean that as in…you guys are the greatest living things on God's good green Earth, no, I mean…

“You guys just have more respect! You have the common curtsy that almost everyone back home lacks. You have no idea how rude they all are! They get so lost in their politics and businesses, that they forget how to simply smile and enjoy life. Everything to them is a competition! Who be first to like someone’s Instagram photo, who can win the argument in the comment section on a YouTube video, who can get more followers, more likes, more comments! We are a society driven by other people’s opinions! How is that fair?

“The reason I like you guys so much is that, instead of sitting around on your phones and occasionally showing something interesting to me, you sit down and communicate, with words! You tell funny stories and jokes and share moments that may not mean so much to you, but to me…their intimate and personal, because back home, they are so rare! They are moments that’ll I’ll remember forever, and I can promise you that,” When Rosie had finished her rant she found herself breathing rather heavily as a strong surge of emotion ran through her. Thorin was now sitting on her right, staring at her with a mixed look of admiration and contemplation.

Thorin felt as if Rosie was sharing very personal thoughts from deep within her mind, ones that had been brewing there for quite a while, being thought over and over until there was no more thinking to be done. And now, it was all coming tumbling out of her mouth and was hitting Thorin deep in the chest like a perfected, spherical ball for him to take in and think over just like Rosie had.

“Your world sounds both brilliant and brain-numbing,” He eventually said.

“Amen,” Rosie smiled, calmer after her outburst.

“I would like to live there but just take away all the people,” He smiled at the ridiculous thought.

“Well Thorin, we have more in common than you think,” Rosie chuckled rubbing her arms slightly where the cool air was nipping them. Thorin noticed this and immediately went to take his fur-lined coat off to give to her when he remembered that he too was only wearing a linen shirt and pants.

“And here I was thinking that you were so desperate to get back home,” Thorin continued.

“Well, I am…sort of. I just…want to spend more time here. I mean, it’s been great getting to know you all but that has been whilst we were on the quest. I want time to not just fully understand all of you, but to laugh and have fun with you guys, to just have a few days where I don’t care about anything except how big my smile is or how much love there is in my heart,” Rosie sighed, the words that were tumbling out of her mouth were bitterly true and that’s probably what hurt most about them.

“I’m sorry,” Thorin eventually said.

“For what?” Rosie sighed, a chuckle in her voice.

“Not knowing I guess. And it must be hard to feel as if your turning your back on your family and life for one which you’ve only been living in for a few months. But you can’t blame yourself for those feelings, they come from somewhere within that does not listen to your mind,” Thorin said shrugging his shoulders. Rosie felt her heart speed up as she realized that Thorin understood what she was saying and was not judging her for it. “Sometimes you just have to accept how you feel,” He paused, staring now intently at Rosie, “You can’t be afraid of it,” He said softer now, Rosie’s eyes were the most vivid blue, but they weren’t a harsh blue, they looked powdered and cloudy, like the color of the sea and texture of the sky, “You can’t be…afraid,” He found himself saying again, but it did not matter because he was getting closer to Rosie. Why was he getting closer to Rosie? Ah, because he is leaning in…but so is she. They are both leaning in towards each other, their eyes locked in a powerful stare. They’re so close now. Inches away. So, close.

Then, a sound could be heard, a quiet one, soft and gentle, but loud enough to be heard. A rumbling of feet on stone that was slowly filling the scene with noise. Thorin snapped out of his trance and jumped to his feet, shocking Rosie in the process.

“You hear that?” He whispered as she stood next to him, dusting off her trousers. She then stopped and squinted her eyes slightly as she too noticed the rumbling noise.

“Yes,” She said firmly before straightening out.

“Come on,” Thorin said turning around and striding quickly to the other side of the stone, “We must warn the others,” Rosie nodded before jogging over to him as they began making their descent back to the mountain.

What could have happened if it weren’t for the army of orcs heading their way, now forgotten.

TAG LIST: @britney8793

[adamantiumvibranium]

Online Love

It hurts so much that I can’t be with the person that I truly love.

Throughout my entire life, the biggest obstacle has been waiting.

Waiting for the unknown... waiting for possibilities that may or may not arrive. Patience has been my worst enemy yet. It sucks that things may unlikely work in your favour. Does faith arrive anytime soon? 

(Everything mentioned below is PG)

I met this guy on Omegle in December 2016. That first video meeting lasted 6 hours- we talked and slept a little, and played hide and seek ahaha. When it was time for me to go, I asked him for any social media info, anything to keep us in touch. It’s not everyday you go on a fishy website filled with potential pedophiles and creeps, and have 6-hour conversations. After being persistent, he finally gave me his kik (I took what I could get). 

On kik, we barely talked after that, but our thing slowly blossomed into a simple friendship where we would check in on each other. I never really bothered on getting to know him though as I felt that it was no use. However after a few months went by, I had to clear some space for new pictures and asked him whether he had snapchat. He said he didn’t and I begged him to create one. He finally gave in again.

Then we went onto snapchat where chatting started to be more common. We would talk about the most random things. Now I can tell you that our thing was also a friends with benefits thing, but it somehow was different. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s just my emotions talking.

During 2017, I thought I had something for him at the beginning but it was quickly shut down over his obvious rejection. One of them being the fact that I wasn’t his type. I had asked him and he refused to answer me as I would ‘compare myself to it’. I was sad but not heartbroken. This kid lived on the opposite end of the world. I wasn’t going to take offence that I may not be his cup of tea.

Then I got a boyfriend in July and all was forgotten about my possible feelings towards this online guy. He would still text me and make conversation but my obvious lack of interest made me distance myself from him. Nothing towards him, it’s just that once I am with someone I tend not to give other people attention. Once or twice this guy would try to spark up the fwb thing and flirt or whatever and I’d shut it down. Why now? 

During November, it was the hardest month of my life. I was in the midst of finals, stressed as fuck and my now ex boyfriend was basically ghosting me. I found myself being comforted by this online guy, completely platonic of course. Even our friendship was getting deeper and deeper. He finally opened up to me about his life- his favourites, his dislikes, his secrets, etc. I felt this sense of relief because for so long I was trying to crack his shell and I failed to realise that introverts like him take a little longer to open up than an average person. I somehow felt part of his life. We would tell each other the most random/ disgusting/ embarassing stuff and neither would judge. Soon, a simple friendship became a connection between best friends. We agreed that we were each others best friends and I was contempt.

I told him about my ex and how he was ignoring me, and he gave me the courage to finally break things off. The relationship was going nowhere with only 50% effort on my side, might as well I let go. It was sad but nothing that I couldn’t move on from.

I start college in March so for the past few months I have been at home, and since I am at home I got to spend and talk to him more and more. Now I don’t understand why but I suddenly got these feelings towards him. I feel so emotionally connected to someone who I’m connected to online. Stupid right?

When I asked him again on his type he finally started telling me. I clearly didn’t really match with one of the things being ‘petite’. I’m 5′8 and like 170+ pounds. He on the other hand, was exactly my type, or at least what I am most attracted to- dark haired, mixed asian. Imagine a young Adam Driver.

However, he did tell me that his kind are Indians and Latinas and I am the former so... 

I guess we both know that things won’t probably end up in our favour hence we have never had that talk on feelings or emotions. Also because he isn’t the kind of person that expresses very easily and I guess that’s been the hardest part of dealing with this situation. Our unspoken words seems to be some sort of understanding that we both care and want to be with each other, but the chances are slim. We both have to study and work and there’s a long long way to go before we could even potentially meet. 

I know I’m reading to much into it but I don’t feel like this about anyone really. It’s really rare for me to actually get this feeling where I want to be with the person so bad it aches me. I want to scream to him that I love him, but I know he doesn’t feel the same. 

I hate the fact that he still has tinder but chooses not to talk to the girls. Why have it then?

Idk I’m acting crazy.

There’s so much more to say and if you want to know the rest just dm me.... If you even bother reading this.

[askaphmaine]

@flyingsassysaddles​

Prompt One: L.A./Monty, military boot camp on duty with nothing but time! (Please note, I know little about military boot camps)

Elizabeth hated kitchen duty, especially in the morning. Not that she couldn’t cook, she used to make food for her siblings all the time. Maybe that was her problem, it was a chore she put up with for years, taking care of two hungover older siblings, a twin who needed to either run to class or work, and a younger brother who fought with the oldest girl in their family almost constantly. That, or she was too unused to seeing the sun. After a while on the job, she began to suspect it was a mixture of both.

“Do you think I’d get us in trouble if I made pancakes?” Truly the only thing that made getting up this early to deal with cooking was her sweet, kind-hearted, attractive associate. Monty was from Vermont, with sandy blond hair, blue-green eyes, and a love for pancakes and maple syrup. Not to mention he was adorable when tired, yawning not unlike a kitten. Too bad she knew the reason he always got stuck doing morning kitchen duty was due to fights. It seemed he always was getting into them. Sometimes it would get so out of hand, her and her fellow nurses would get called in to check on him and whoever crossed him.

“Possibly.” While he was a great reason to get out of bed and a wonderful sight to see first thing in the mornings, he still wasn’t much of a conversationalist. Elizabeth used to try and get him to engage in small talk with her, only to be easily shut down. As far as she could tell, he was as much a morning person as she was. He always seemed to open up more around noon, much to her dismay. Due to their different fields, with her as a nurse and him as a marine, she never saw him much outside of their shared kitchen duties.

It was an hour before either of them spoke again. Shockingly, it was Monty who went looking for a conversation.

“So, why did you enlist?”

“That’s one way to start a conversation. To be honest and possibly naive, I joined so I could help people. I was never much of a student so I didn’t think I’d be able to go on to becoming a doctor. But I always knew first aid and such. Growing up, I always took care of my three siblings, so now blood and injuries do little to phase me anyways. Might as well put it to use.” She paused. “Why did you enlist?”

“Well, to be perfectly honest, same as you. Well, mostly. I want to help people. I was always in fights back home, so I knew how to handle brawls. I also hunted, so guns have never been an issue. But see, my brother and I grew up poor, so we didn’t have a lot of options. By enlisting, I could help people while saving up money for college. If I didn’t, I’d never be able to go.”

“Wow, I never thought that you’d care about coll- Wait, that came out wrong.”

“It’s fine, not a lot of people suspect that I’m poor and actually want to go to college. I mean, look at how often I get into flights. I know you meant no offence.”

“Still.”

“Besides, it doesn’t sound like your life was all sunshine and rainbows either.” “My older brother once got drunk at 16 and punched a window. He refused to go to a hospital in fear they’d find out he was drunk and our parents would be informed, so I had to basically give him stitches at 13.”

“Yikes. And here I thought you seemed a bit girly.” Elizabeth froze for a moment before she slammed down her hand and spoon.

“I am girly! I adore girly things like makeup and clothes. Just because I do doesn’t mean-”

“Whoa, hey, sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. You just didn’t seem like the type of girl who would be willing to run through mud or something. First impressions are often wrong.” Elizabeth pouted, lifting her arm back up to stir the oatmeal.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Though, you have to answer two questions for offending me.”

“Alright.” A chuckle was heard from the taller man as he began pouring eggs onto a skillet. “I’m game. Two questions, no restrictions.”

“You’re damn right, no restrictions. First question, tell me more about your brother.”

“Princess, that’s not really a question. But you know what? I’ll let it slide. Liam is about 22 year old now. He and I spend a ton of time together growing up, as we shared a room. He took care of me and did his best to keep me out of trouble, even if he got into some himself. We used to piss off our neighbors on The Fourth of July every year with how many fireworks we’d set off. Typically we went for a week of celebrating. Don’t ask how we got them, though. All in all…He means a lot to me.”

“You really care about him, don’t you? You two sound a lot closer than I am with my older siblings.”

“I won’t count that as your second question. Though I do have a counter-question. What about your siblings?”

“You’d better not. And mine...well… I have two older siblings, Allison and Nathan. They’re twins, though they don’t really look alike. Allison is blonde and Nathan is brunette. I get along with them, they just have a lot of issues I don’t think they ever worked past. Isabelle is my twin sister. She and I act nothing alike and while I’m blonde like Allison, she’s just like Nathan. She’s a lot more tomboyish than I am. Then there’s my younger brother, Jason, another brunette. He doesn’t get along with Allison at all. I don’t know why, but they always butt heads. And that’s my family.”

“There’s a lot of you, huh? Alrighty, second question.”

“Right! My second question is why are you always getting into fights? I mean, you seem to dislike getting up early and you know the punishment, so why bother?”

“Easy. I refuse to stand down and let people be insulted when they can’t defend themselves. And someone I rather enjoy knowing, possibly care for to a pretty deep extend, is often the butt of the joke. So I step in.”

“Why not just tell them? Also, possibly care for to a pretty deep extend? You mean you love them, don’t you? Wow, you love someone who everyone makes fun of? No wonder you punch them.” She watched as Monty’s face went bright red with a blush. Seemed she hit the nail right on the head. He stuttered for a moment before regaining his composure.

“Two questions or twenty?” She smacked his arm. “Kidding, kidding! I guess you could say I might hold affection for them. Well, for starters, I never get to seem them, so it’s easier to deal with right then and there. To be honest, I never throw the first punch. I just hit harder. Besides, kitchen duty isn’t so bad. I mean, I’ve made breakfast all my life.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Figured as much. But regardless, I do enjoy this little amount of time. It’s nice.” “Well, I’m glad you feel that way. I have to admit, having you here makes dragging my ass out of bed a little easier.”

“See, that’s why I can’t let people make fun of you. You’re so nice.” For a moment, she just nodded. Then it sunk in.

“Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up a moment, Monty. What did you just-” A bell rung out.

“Sounds like it’s time for everyone to eat. Don’t worry, we can talk about this tomorrow, when I inevitably get my ever ‘hated’,” He motioned the apostrophe with his fingers, “morning kitchen duty.” With a smirk, he slipped out of the room, leaving a bright red and fuming Elizabeth behind him. She wasn’t sure if she should punch him or kiss him. He’s lucky she had a day to decide.