#if you think i'm a bit funny i personally find myself hilarious

[adobe-outdesign]

what do you think of the new pteri day stuff? personally i'm not a fan of the cardinal outfit mainly because something about the face just looks wrong to me, but i like the museum outfit and am glad we got a new one of those. and i think the candy pteri is so funny. i think it's cool to have a choice between a more typical-looking, but still cute, candy pet, and between using PB clothes to turn it into a peep. i've already seen people make hilarious customs with the peep pteri.

Candy: Yeah I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of this one, sorry. I do like the concept of it being based off a Peep (though admittedly most people outside of the US don't know what that is—note for non-US readers: a Peep is a vaguely bird-shaped marshmallow covered in sugar crystals sold around the holidays), and I do appreciate them doing two designs, one "outfit" that's super literal and then one that's more pet-specific, which shows a good deal of effort. Also, the outfit is pretty funny purely from a meme perspective in the same vein as the Maraquan Nimmo.

However, my problem is that we're on two ends of the extreme with both designs: one is literally straight up a Peep(TM) with nothing Pteri-like about it whatsoever, and one is a vaguely glittery Pteri with nothing particularly candy-like about it. Why not blend the two? Give us a Pteri with the same texture, but round out the claws, feathers, etc. Make the eye markings all blobby, give the head feathers and tail that signature Peep flip, make the pupils the little candy dots, and maybe even have a little bite taken out of the wing to show off the marshmallow interior. You could even still keep the same outfit for the meme if you want, but then you'd at least have a high-effort Peep-inspired Pteri instead of a Peep(TM) and a low-effort Pteri colour, which I think is an import distinction.

As a side note, I'm linking this post by @synthaphone out of obligation because it says most of the same things I just did but was published earlier:

Forest (Outfit): Once again, not a huge fan. I've never really liked these hyper-realistic animal outfits; I'm playing Neopets for the neat fantasy creatures, so for me, having an outfit that's just like, a straight-up cardinal feels pretty boring.

Putting aside personal preferences though, I also just find this really uncanny? It's a bad combo of way, way too much texturing and detailing on a very cartoonish body with eyes that really don't belong on that face. The rendering itself is at least objectively well-done with lots of nice shading, but I would've much preferred just a regular non-textured Pteri with the same colors and markings. Once again, the difference between making a Neopet inspired by something IRL and just making something that already exists IRL.

Museum (Outfit): Okay, now this one I do like a lot. I already made a review covering museum outfits and in it I mentioned wanting more that aren't just mammals. The Pteri is a welcome addition, following the same format as the other museum outfits but having the skeleton hang from suspension wires instead of it sitting on a platform like all the others. That's really nice attention to detail and works perfectly with the concept. While the rendering here is still more detailed than Neopets' art tends to be, it's not bothersome as it's not uncanny (being a skeleton) and you can still very easily tell it's a Pteri.

My only minor gripe is that the placard shows just a straight-up pterosaur, which is weird. I get that the Pteri is supposed to look a bit like a pterosaur with the head crest and everything, but just having a real-life dinosaur on there is kind of distracting. That's a very minor point though; otherwise, I'm a big fan of this one.

[proustianlesbian]

she's like if shiv roy (mother cuntress, her and that fuckass bob against the world, not her father's number 1 boy) and kendall roy (substance abuse, depression, teenage girl loneliness) fusioned.

(edit 10h18 : apparently the first like on this post was my 500th according to tumblr, idk i find that funny.)

[malk1ns]

Yesterday I came across the 5 on 3 video and since then I have been thinking about baby sid being infatuated by baby geno. Maybe one of them having a crush on the other and just being so not normal when around their crush.

so i had a little bit of a conversation with @plethoriall along these lines earlier today that is helping inform this; i hope you don't mind third party POV!

Mario has rarely regretted offering to have Sid stay with him.

Sid's rookie year he'd been a breeze; compared to most 18-year-old hockey players Mario's known, rear-ending the nanny's car was small potatoes. Sid was respectful of their home, didn't mind when the kids demanded his time and attention, and never put Mario in the awkward position of having to talk to him about not bringing hookups back. He'd expected much of the same when Sid called to let him know when he'd be returning for camp before his sophomore year.

That was before Malkin arrived.

Mario's memories of being a lovesick teenager are pretty dim at this point. He'd had his fair share of ill-advised crushes, more than one person he'd hooked up with that he probably shouldn't have, and Nathalie had forgiven more indiscretions than she should ever have tolerated, but being a 19-year-old with a world-ending crush is foreign to him.

He's doing his best to be empathetic, really he is. But there are really only so many stories one man can be expected to sit through while still pretending that his prodigy isn't head-over-heels for a teammate.

(He'd tried to broach that topic once, when Sid had come home from a night out inconsolable about Geno taking a girl back to the hotel room he still had rented in his name even though he'd essentially moved in with Sarge. Sid had locked himself in his room for three days, only coming out for practice. Austin had been devastated.)

"—and then Geno said the funniest thing," Sid is saying, and all Mario can do is grunt and listen, because Sid had followed him down to the gym and Mario figured he could put him to use as a spotter. He should have known better. "He said that Ovi's last name was...well, I don't remember exactly, but he basically called Ovi a sheep. Isn't that funny?"

"Hilarious," Mario gasps, and luckily Sid notices and grabs the bar before Mario drops it onto his chest. "Okay, I think that's enough for today."

Sid frowns, looking at the clock on the wall. "You've only been down here for twenty minutes, though."

"I have a phone call, just wanted to get a quick set in," Mario says, clapping Sid on the shoulder and making for the stairs. "Thanks, kid."

He manages to lock himself into his office before Sid can come find him with another story about Malkin, dialing Sarge's number and pouring a glass of whiskey as the phone rings.

"What," Sarge snaps as he picks up, and Mario laughs.

"Long day?" he asks, taking a sip.

Sarge's sigh is noisy over the line. "Jesus, Lem, you'd think nobody in the world has ever had a crush before," he complains. "I swear to god, If I have to listen to Sidney this or Sidney that one more time, I'm kicking him back to that hotel. It's ridiculous."

"Not much better over here," Mario murmurs, flicking through his daybook. The younger players have a PR event at Dicks tomorrow; maybe if he makes a few calls he can get Sid and Geno paired up. The cameras can't be on them the whole time. "He almost let me drop the barbell on myself just now."

Sarge snorts. "And somehow they both think the other one couldn't possibly feel the same way, even though they spend half their time making cow eyes at each other. I swear I was never this stupid."

Mario thinks back to the 90-91 season and winces. "I'm sure I came close a few times," he allows.

He has to pull the phone away when Sarge guffaws loudly in his ear. "Oh, I've heard stories," he says, and Mario wrinkles his nose. "But I don't think anything either you or I have ever done could hold a candle to this. And Zhenya won't hear a word from me about it, he acts like the world is ending whenever I try to bring it up."

"Sid's still pretending that he's just a big fan of Malkin's hockey," Mario sighs. "I'm thinking of telling comms to put them together for that event tomorrow and distract the cameras for an hour."

"We could lock them in the equipment room?" Sarge suggests. "Not for too long, of course, but..."

Mario thinks back to dinner the night before, when Sid had chattered on and on about Malkin for so long that even Nathalie's patient smile had started to fray. "I think you're on to something," he says. "Sid always stays late to talk to people—when is Malkin due for a trainer appointment? I'm sure Dana will help us out."

[burnin0akleaves]

Here's the draw six fanarts meme I decided to participate in 4 years late

In true burnin0akleaves spirit I didn't ask anyone for requests and just went ahead with all of the characters that have been the most impactful/important to me, so there is a high chance you've seen me draw these guys before.

By the way, unlike the rest of the blorbos here Siyra is an original character and belongs to @nineteen-rats!

Close-ups and rambles under the cut because it's my blog

Ohh the Dark Urge. My latest obsession. I love his design so much, I'm a slut for white/red color schemes, but I feel like it's a double edged sword that takes you out of the horrors he's commiting at the same time?

Durge is supposed to be murder incarnate, someone that does every fucked up thing related to death imaginable; but when you see a giant lizard eating babies or humping corpses, it dulls the effect a bit since you automatically view it as an animalistic act. Dragonborns are obviously a fully sentient humanoid race in-universe; but when the violence you're seeing is already toeing the line between horrifying and hilarious, seeing a scalie doing it just pushes it over the line. I still think it works really well most of the time and I'm very glad that this is the default durge we get! It's just funny to me that when you choose to play as the giant lizard, the dark and disgusting horror story turns into the hilariously edgy bloodfest.

Reminding everyone again that Siyra belongs to @nineteen-rats! I love this man so so so much. I am the Siyra fandom. I am the number one Siyra fanartist. He did nothing wrong and I will defend his every decision. I also hope terrible horrors befall him and that his actions keep him awake for the rest of his life. Pookie bear xoxo

COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR IT'S WILL TREATY

He is on my mind, always. I don't talk about him as much but he's probably still the fictional character who had the most impact on me as a person.

PATROCLUS! PATROCLUS!!! SIR I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!!

I got into patrochilles and the Illiad in general thanks to "The Song of Achilles". It was one of the first queer books I got to have in real life and the prose captivated me instantly, I still have it on my shelf. After reading the Illiad itself however, I hate that book so much. I'm sorry it's genuinely beautiful and I get why people like it but I can never forgive that horrible Patroclus characterization after seeing what he was originally like. Achilles too for that matter.

Hades swooped me up into its arms like I was a sick baby bird and nursed me back to health with its portrayal of the two though and for that I am forever grateful. I can't wait for Hades 2, death to Chronos.

God Half-Life is such an important series for me. My dad would let me play through a few levels since I was a child, he grew up with the games, but I REALLY played through the entire series one summer shortly before dad moved out. He was there watching me play most of it and getting to enjoy someone actually translate the game's dialogue for him for the first time.

Gordon may not speak once but I like the hints of his personality we get throughout the games, most importantly from the way Alyx talks to/about him. I have my own characterization of him obviously but I do really think you can get a good understanding of the kind of man he is meant to be in-universe just by paying attention to his surroundings. Also another reason the games were so immersive for me is that I'm just as in love with Alyx as Gordon is. I must have let her get hit only once or twice the entire time just out of how protective I was over her. I'd topple the entire Combine empire just for her hand in marriage. I rewatched the ending of Half Life Alyx recently and cried.

I read the entirety of LOTR in one week in 11th grade, carrying that damn brick of a book everyday to school and back. I'm so glad I did honestly. Frodo and Sam are my important little guys and I find myself going back to them when I need something to calm me down in a way no other series except LOTR can. I've read most of Tolkien's work at this point, but nothing captivated me like those two little hobbits. Everytime I read a bad take about their relationship I sketch them making out.

People liked seeing my drawing process before so here's the original sketch and the little notes I wrote to myself trying to set the mood. I followed like half of them.

[minerva-net]

four times

chris sturniolo smut

warning: corruption kink (not too obvious?)

summary: four times you misinterpreted chris's statement that he's never had his first kiss, and the time you change that.

the first time it's brought up, it's long forgotten.

"When we meet next month, you can give me my first kiss, too." Chris mumbles into his pillow. He has one eye looking at me through the camera. It's funny.

Three weeks before seeing each other, we can't seem to stay off the phone when going to sleep. We're both laying down together on the phone. It's a normal occurrence at this point. Calling has become a normality between us unless I have to be at work, he's filming, or a device dies.

"Yeah?" I ask.

He nods his head. Laughing a little bit to myself I decide to mess with him.

"What makes you think I'd kiss you?" I tease.

"Because I'm your handsome and hilarious boyfriend you cannot resist." He protests.

"I guess we'll see..." I sigh. My voice growing quiet as I close my eyes. I feel my whole body feel heavy as sleep weighs down on me. I can only hope it joins Chris as well as he has a long day of filming ahead of him.

the second time it goes over your head.

As I'm trying to maneuver around Mount Olympus to kill someone, I'm quickly shot from behind from another player. I throw my hands in defeat stopping myself from yelling into the headset.

We're two weeks from seeing each other, and have been doing all that we can do together online. We're both playing fortnite, it's been a long night of one or the other being carried to victory.

"I died again Chris..." I sighed. For some reason I'm not on my game, maybe it's the tiredness from playing so late, or I'm just losing my skill.

"Don't worry princess I got this." Chris says.

As I spectate him he easily gets my killer and the player I was going after originally. He takes time to go through the last person's loot before being shot at himself. He's able to use his fists to run and hide to heal himself. As he wanders around the area he finds who was trying to attack him, and downs them with ease.

There's something about him being good at fortnite that makes my heart flutter alongside the pet name.

"Don't mess with the big dog!" Chris yells into his mic before making howling noises, grunts, and barking.

I could only smile.

"You're an animal, so aggressive." I comment.

I feel a question bubble inside me. "Are you going to act like this when we see each other? Manhandle me to do what you want with me? Throw me around? Show me how to obey you?" I ask.

Chris is silent, maybe I said something wrong? I give myself some grace due to the lack of sleep.

"Nah... I want my first kiss and time to be slow and sensual maybe? I don't know, but if you want more we can try that." Chris says.

I don't understand what he means by this. Did ye want our first kiss together to be special?

"What're were your other first kisses like? Were they expected, unexpected–" I ponder for another question. "What's gonna make mine so special?"

He's silent before answering.

"Well... I've never–" Chris begins.

I hear another voice on the line that must be one of his brothers.

"We're about to leave so we can eat! Let's go!" They say.

"Well wait, I'm on the phone–" Chris says.

I cut him off. "It's fine. Go eat with your brothers. We can continue later tonight."

"Okay... Call you when I'm home y/n. I love you." Chris says.

"I love you too Chris, talk to you later." I say.

By the time he comes back from eating, the idea to continue the conversation is forgotten.

the third time you realize your mistake.

"I think you're going to like this new lip balm I bought. It's cherry flavored, and coming with me to Cali." I say.

There was only one week before we see each other. There's a tingly feeling each time I think about it.

"Yeah? I don't mind cherry, you should bring other fruit flavors so we can try them out." Chris says.

"You're right I should, we could do the chapstick challenge from a few years ago. I can post it on my account since I'm private," I say. "I want to kiss you until I can't breathe." Thoughts just spilling.

Chris's end is silent. I fill the void.

"Well, what if you don't like the flavor, though? Would you shove me away? Or have you kissed another girl who liked to have flavored lip balm and didn't like it?" I trail off.

Chris interrupts me. "I wouldn't know what I like and don't like... I've never kissed anybody."

I laugh at his joke.

"Are you being for real? I can't tell if you're joking." I laugh.

"One hundred percent serious. Never had a first kiss, or anything else." He says.

I sit in the break room in disbelief. There's no way this boy hasn't kissed at least one person, even a small one when he was younger would be okay.

I didn't realize how silent I was on my end.

"Is that okay with you? Need me to get some practice in?" He teases.

"No–no that's awesome. That makes me feel good. I can't wait to show you new things and be your first." I explain, I couldn't contain my smile at this news.

I can't help but think about how he'll act when we kiss. Will he let me take control? Will he try to figure things out as we go? Or will he surprise me when I see him.

"I'm excited for you to be my first for a lot of things. Can't wait for next week." Chris says.

"Me too."

the fourth time you take it to your advantage.

"So what are you going to do on your last night being a virign?" You ask.

Chris laughs. "I'm not sure... maybe jerk off or something?"

"Are you right now?" I ask, curious.

"No–Why–I'm just saying since... You asked what I'd do as a virigin." Chris tumbles on his words. I smile as I realize he's nervous.

I hum. "Okay... if you say so."

Suddenly, an idea pop into my head. Why not mess with him? If he wants his pay back he'll easily get it back tomorrow.

"I'll be back," I say taking out my headphones before he could respond. Muting my phone taking it with me.

I go to my bathroom, turning the light on. I decide to mess with him a little bit. Lifting up my shirt to show off my bra, I quickly take a few pictures at different angles. However, I decide to be brave and hook my finger through the front of my bra lifting it to reveal my breasts. I take a few more pictures before thinking if I should go lower. I go against it, and wait for when I can see Chris in person.

I go back to my room and unmute the call and put my headphones back in.

"Back." I say.

"Welcome back, that was quick." Chris replies.

I nod my head before realizing he can't see me. "Yeah I just went to get water." I say. I think about my next statement but give myself a pass. "Gotta make sure I'm hydrated for when you got me squriting tomorrow."

Chris chokes at that, gasping to catch his breath. I laugh at his reaction, expecting something lighter than what was given.

"Is that—something—you can do?" He asks.

Wanting to be difficult I ask him to clarify. "Not sure what you mean. What's the full question?

He clears his throat before mumbling quiet.

"Do you squirt?" He asks.

I stop myself from laughing. Smiling wide instead. "I've been known to." I say.

"Do you like... Have—a video of you?" He asks.

I can tell he's nervous, but that makes it all the better.

"No... but I have something better." I say. I send him the bra and braless pictures I took earlier.

I hear his phone drop and shuffling happen on his end before the call abruptly ends. I stare at my phone confused, surely not expecting that reaction from him. Still, I laugh a little before getting comfortable in bed waiting for him to call back. On queue he facetimes me instead.

"Christopher." I say.

"Sorry—" He begins before taking a breath. His face is flushed red like a cherry. "I panicked. Definitely wasn't expecting anything tonight." He says nervously.

"It's okay loverboy..." I trail. "What'd you think? Ready to see me tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yes. Fuck. A thousand times yes." He says. He mumbles a few other words after.

"I didn't hear you? What'd you say?" I ask.

"It makes me want to–Make this night—Makes me want this night to go faster..." He says clearly thinking of what he wants to add. "I want to see more of you. I need to see you. Feel you too." He adds.

I smile at him through the phone, and he does the same before looking away.

"Well in less than 24 hours we'll see each other and I'll be in your arms." I say.

He nods his head. I see his face turn into one of thought.

"What're you thinking about Chris?" I ask.

"I'm just nervous. I feel unprepared to see you? This who physical touch will be uncharted territory from how we have been." He explains. "I'm also nervous about if we do... do something more intimate." He adds.

I click my tongue before answering. "That's normal. I'm nervous too... Even if I'm not showing it. I feel like we'll be okay y'know? I think after 3 months of being long distance we'll be even better than before?" I say. "And can I be honest with you?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"It's expected for you to be bad... I'll still like it because it's you though. There's nothing wrong with that. It's your first time, and it won't be like what you've seen in a porno or something... We can decide what is good for us." I say.

Chris makes a sound of approval rather than saying anything. I don't say anything assuming he's getting tired. We sit in silence before I hear a small noise and shuffling from him. I look down at my phone and only see Chris's hair which was stuck to his forehead.

"What're you doing?" I inquire.

"Chillin." He responds. "Had to get comfortable." His voice is out of breath and jagged.

Not believing him I shift to my side and listen more intently. I don't hear anything else but decode to pry.

"Can I see what you're wearing? You saw what I was." I ask.

Chris makes a noise before answering. "I guess—that's fair... Give me a few minutes." He says.

I could care less about his outfit. I figure it's grey sweats and a shirt or no shirt. I only care about what's on his lap and what he's doing.

Before he shows me I hear fabric moving, Chris's failed attempt at being quiet. He lifts up his phone before making a quick swipe down his body. It's hard to see what he was wearing exactly, but I decide to be obvious.

"Can you show me your pants again?" I pry.

"Just my usual grey sweats." He says. I figured but his red face says something else is going on.

I smile at him, he's knows he's busted but I decide not to say anything to make it too obvious.

"Why not show me? I want to see if they're my favorite."

"I—It's the one with the blue 'C'." He says.

"Show me Christopher," I say, giving him a straight face.

Chris's face becomes a deep red. His eyes show that he regrets his decision just slightly, but accepts his defeat. He flips the camera and very obviously stood his cock in his sweats. At the top was a few small dots. Only one could assume it was from his previous activity.

"Interesting..." I start. "Do you care to continue for me?" I ask politely.

Chris chokes on his words before saying. "Yes ma'am."

My stomach feels tight and my legs squeeze together. As much as I love this I never anticipated the night before we meet to be like this. Despite this, I watch his hand appear on the screen and into his sweats. Instead of doing the obvious he wraps his hand around his cock and pumps himself in his sweats.

"Show me. Take it out and let me see." I say.

Chris whines at this. He lifts up his hips and takes one hand to pull his sweats and boxers down to his thighs. His cock comes out and lands on his stomach. His tip leaked precum onto his stomach, and his tip a darker pink after being left neglected.

I rake my eyes up and down, taking it all in. He's good looking and well managed. It's almost ashame he couldn't use it for good.

"Good boy." I mutter. "Let me see you. Continue jerking off."

Chris takes his hand to his dick and wraps around it slowly like he's nervous. But he continues, he pumps himself and goes back up to thumb his head. Slowly but surely, he increases speed as he nears the tip with each pump.

I consider sliding my hand down my pants, but go against it for better judgement. I want to see him work, be there for him. His whines and moans get louder and higher as he chases his high.

"I'm going to love having you tomorrow." I mumbled. Chris bucks his hips into his hands at this. He continues to moan and fuck his hips into his hand. I can hardly control the small moan that escapes my lips as I watch.

When he finishes, he moans my name letting white stripes coat his stomach. I smile at him as he flips the camera. I'm so ready to be with this boy tomorrow.

when you finally meet it's life changing.

"I would say every video there's a least one argument to be made whether someone likes it or not–" Chris explains to me as we walk into his room.

It feels wild to finally be in California, let alone Los Angeles. When his brothers picked me up at the airport, I was amazed to feel him. He felt so real in my hands. We hugged for a good while before Matt honked, saying we needed to not hold up traffic.

We all spent all the spent the day having the boys showed me their favorite spots to visit. From clothing stores to a pizza shop they regularly visit that's been shown in their vlogs.

Chris decided to sit in the middle seats with me so I wouldn't have to sit next to his "icky" brother Nick. It was nice to see him in a different position rather than a bunch of pixels. We held hands the entire time we were out, and he'd open my door each time we got out. I wanted to kiss him when we first saw each other, and after each gesture but held myself back waiting until we could have a moment together.

—

Sitting down in his bed, I ignored what he was saying as he put my bags by his desk. After he finished his story, he sat down next to me. He kept talking... Just like on the phone, he can't seem to stop talking. As much as I enjoy hearing him talk, I need to start what we were do excited for last night.

Rolling my eyes, I swing a leg up, then over his legs as I push him back. I sat on his lap, looking down at him with a big smile. He looks around the room before back at me while lifting his hands.

"You can touch me y'know? I'm not going go break." I remark.

His face turns into a deep red shade as his hands land on my hips. His grip is firm and secure. He takes the chance to squeeze the flesh on my legs before rubbing his hands up and down my thighs.

I choose to be bold and rock my hips on him and leaning down having our chests flush with each other. Chris can only stare at me with his mouth agape. Our noses touch, but I rock my hips again for extra measure and met with him bucking his hips up.

"Ready for your first kiss loverboy?" I coo. His face turns into a deep red shade as he nods his head profusely.

I cup his face, taking a hand to push his hair back so I can take a good look at him. Blue eyes looking back at me with large pupils. I tilt my head to the side before slotting our mouths together. I keep it light and quick before letting go.

"There you go." I smile against hisdating.

I press back in a little to give him a chance to move. However, his lips are limp and unsure of what to do. I decided to be a little more daring. Dragging my tongue along his bottom lip, I lightly nip at him.

I wasn't expecting the reaction I got out of it, but loved it nonetheless. His hands gripped me harder, one sliding down to my ass. He took this as a chance to lightly squeeze it.

I move my hand to the top of his head, carding my hand through his hair before bringing it down to his nape and lightly pulling on his hair to disconnect us. He whines at the loss of contact.

"You got condoms?" I ask. Chris nods his head before pulling my head closer to his to kiss me again. He returned the favor back as he licked and bit my bottom lip. I smiled at the gesture. He was a fast learner.

As I sat on his lap I felt his dick grow hard and twitch with each motion of our lips moving, and the slow rock of my hips. I let out a laugh against him.

"Calm down, calm down..." I whisper. He whines and does as told.

I keep my lips on him, both of us limp. It's nice just feeling our lips together as I stroke the back of his neck with my nails.

"Can–can you–can you touch me baby?" Chris asks. He's cute. His eyes are wide with swollen red lips. His desperation is cute. I give in since he's been so good.

"Where do you want me to touch you?" I know exactly where, but I'd like to drag this out for as long as I can. He closes his eyes as he pulls my head to rest on his forehead. I hum as I wait for his response.

"Anywhere, everywhere. I dunno, I just need you y/n." Chris says.

I slide off him to the floor between his legs. I place my hands on his thighs. I look up at him before speaking.

"Are you sure you're ready Chris?" I ask.

He nods his head quickly, but I giggle at this. "I need words, baby." I chastised.

"Yeah–yeah–yes I want this... I want you," He says. He brings a hand down to my head to cup my cheek. He brushes a thumb against it. "You're so beautiful y/n..." He mumbles.

I couldn't help but get nervous myself and begin to blush a little. Coming back to my senses and what I sat in front of him for, I unbuckle his belt and hooked my fingers around his jeans and underwear. Taking the signal, Chris lifts his hips up to let me pull down his pants to pool at his ankles.

It felt surreal to see him so... raw. While I saw him last night through a screen, it didn't do him much justice. He was a nice size and I couldn't wait to have him when I pleased.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He teases. I roll my eyes at him and pinch his thigh. He hisses at the pain, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Maybe another time... Are you sure you're ready?" I'm not nervous, but I can't help but feel the need to get double confirmation.

"If I didn't want this you wouldn't be on the floor right now." Chris says.

He's not wrong, but I'd never tell him that. I click my tongue and move my face to lay feather light kisses along his thighs. I start close to his knee and work my way up to his pelvis, alternating between each leg. As I grow closer to him he twitches a little with each kiss.

I place a kiss on his tip before laying a few more along his thighs and stomach. Chris brings his hand up to my hair, making a ponytail.

"Stop teasing..." He mumbles.

"Patience, patience... You're gonna have me for a month." I say.

He mumbles something I couldn't hear but don't care enough to ask what he said.

Finally making it to where he needed me most, I wrap my hand around the base of his dick. I take my other and spread the precum that was coming out of his tip down the length of him. A small noise comes out of his mouth. I smile a little in approval.

I slowly pump my hand up and down him, trying to mimic what I watched him do last night. I took my time going down, but sped up a little as I went up and squeezed his tip more precum leaking out.

Chris began to groan a little louder and more with each motion. His grip on my hair grew a little tighter.

I look up at him through lashes. His eyes are closed with his mouth agape. Small gasps are falling from his lips. While I'm looking I guess he felt me staring, and shoots me a smile.

"Can you–can you—can you do one–one–thing for me?" He asks, out of breath.

"Of course, baby." I say.

"Could you use your mouth? I've been thinking about that since you started..." He says.

I couldn't help but smile again, he's so cute. He whines again as I stop moving my hand. I lean forward a little bit to be closer to him. His grip on my hair loosens a little bit. I stick out my tongue and kitten lick at this tip before licking a long stripe from base to tip.

Chris groans and bumps his leg up at the feeling. His breaths start getting heavier as I take his tip into my mouth. I slowly move my head down a little before going back up, using my other hand to pump the base of him. I bob my head up and down on him, taking my other hand to squeeze his balls.

Chris's breath turns into a pant as my name falls seamlessly from his lips. My name comes out almost like a chant...

"Y/n—y/n–n/n..." He mumbles.

His hips start to buck up a little more frequently as I speed up. I feel his dick twitch lightly in my mouth. His grip on my hair loses that loose grip as he tightens and helps move my head up and down.

He makes one loud groan and grunt before cumming in my mouth. I take it and swallow it. Taking my head off of his softening dick I wipe my mouth. I look up at Chris and his eyes are closed while small pants fall from his mouth.

"Wow... that was—I can never say I never had head before." He jokes, wiping his forehead pushing his hair back.

I couldny help but laugh too.

"For sure. How're you feeling?" I ask.

"Amazing... Are we gonna do more?" He asks.

I think about it, but look at his bedside clock. As much as we stay up late on the phone tonight I'd rather go to sleep.

"Maybe another time... Like I said before you have a month with me." I smile, getting up.

He makes a sound of slight disapproval.

"Don't be mad. Let's shower, I want to go to sleep somewhat early." I say.

"We never sleep early, though! We need to watch our show!" Chris exclaims, following me to my bag where I grabbed my night time belongings.

"And tonight I want to. Just because you got head doesn't mean you can act like you're all that." I say.

Chris huffs as he gets his stuff too before joining me in the bathroom.

a/n: idk if I like this... 😔 lmk if you do and send requests pls! ☺️☺️

[recreationalfanfics]

I love your writing, can you possibly do Yandere Loki and maybe Aphrodite with an Asexual Reader who’s not physically attracted by them, rather they tell them how they’re very ‘Ugly/Unattractive’ because of their personality (I’m Ace myself) how do you think they’ll react to Reader calling Thrud ‘Beautiful’ and the ‘True Maiden/Beauty in Heaven’ because Reader likes Thrud for her personality (I think it would be funny since I believe Loki knows he’s attractive, same for Aphrodite but to the extreme, and I definitely would find it hilarious for them to be knocked down a peg or two because Reader isn’t afraid to call them out on their bullshit and tell them they’re Ugly)

I ADORE Thrud, she’s so beautiful 😭 (She’s so pretty and cute, like HOW can anyone THINK she’s a monster??)

NO, YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THIS AND TY FOR THE THRUD REQUEST. LIKE, LOKI DEF KNOWS HE'S PRETTY BUT I KNOW WHERE MY LOYALTIES LIE AND HAS TO KNOW HIS PLACE WHEN IT COMES TO THRUD.

Yandere! Aphrodite + Yandere! Loki w an Ace! Darling who likes Thrud Better

Yandere! Aphrodite:

- As the Goddess of Love and Beauty, she is entitled to some degree to think that she's attractive so why wouldn't you fall for her?

- Despite how many times you try to tell her you're uncomfortable with it, she will try to seduce you but stops when you push her away or genuinely seem upset with her attempts.

- She either assumes that you're shy or that you are simply playing hard to get, which she enjoys for a while. You know Kokomi Teruhashi from Saiki K who simply can not accept the fact Saiki isn't interested in her? Literally how she acts.

- When you try to tell you aren't attracted to her, she doesn't really listen which finally causes you to snap and tell her that she's ugly. She laughs in your face and coos about how her darling has such an odd sense of humor.

- "No, I'm not joking! You may be pretty on the outside but I could never love anyone whose as ugly as you. Especially someone who can't respect my boundaries and choices!"

- And she is shocked for a bit...but then she is PISSED. YOU UNGRATEFUL WHELP, ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF HOW MANY MORTALS AND GODS WOULD LOVE TO BE IN YOUR SHOES!? TO BE ADORED BY HER THE WAY SHE ADORES YOU!

- She gets angry and yells at you. You knew she wouldn't be happy to hear it and her lashing out at you only proved your point about how truly ugly she was. You backed away from her as she tried to walk towards you, trying to grab you, but she was stopped by someone who stood between you two.

- "Hey! Leave them alone."

- "YOU FOOLISH VALKYRIE, YOU DARE STAND AGAINST A GODDESS!?"

- "If she's taking out her anger on a mortal she's been HARASSING since Ragnarok started, then yes!"

- She glares from Thrud, to you, to Thrud again. Then she turns around and walks off, trying to pick up the dignity she had as a Goddess after being brutally rejected by you. She sulks and rages and mopes for a few days, after all, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK SHE WAS UGLY!?

- When she's finally in her right state of mind, she tries to approach you again. Maybe she can apologize and change your mind about her! After all, she will admit that looking back she has been a bit touchy but she's so in love with you! Maybe if you saw that then you'd accept her. Oh, and there you are- Wait, why are you with Thrud??

- It turns out that while she was in heartbreak, you and the most muscular Valkyrie sister had grown quite close. Thrud protecting you from other God's, letting you sit on her shoulder and laughing as you talked about how much taller you felt. You looked so happy around her, why didn't you look that happy with Aphrodite!?

- Then you called her the True Beauty of Heaven and Aphrodite is once again sent into an outrage.

- HER? A BEAUTY? MEANWHILE, APHRODITE WAS UGLY!? THAT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE, (Y/N)!? HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL TO HER!?

- From here, she honestly will do anything to keep you away from Thrud. She'll try to act nicer to you but she doesn't have the patience to keep it up for long, maybe she'll stage a little accident where Thrud can't save you but she can, or maybe...she'll just take you away♡

- It's your own fault for this, you know! She tried to love you gently but you simply wanted to be ungrateful.

Yandere! Loki:

- This man knows he's drop dead gorgeous and while it isn't the SOLE reason why he acts like a horrible God, he still thinks that because of his looks and "cute" antics that you'd at least fall for him.

- He is a bit more respectful of your boundaries than Aphrodite is...like, when it comes to seduction and stuff, he wouldn't really do much of that. I'll give him that much but that doesn't mean he doesn't make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

- You can feel his eyes burning into you, he doesn't really care enough to hide his prescence and he thinks its cute the way you glare at him and try to move away from him, as if he isn't gonna follow you♡

- He knows how you feel about him already. You've even called him Ugly or Unattractive for his personality before and his response is usually just him chuckling and telling you why you expected any different, after all, he is the God of Deciet and Mischief♡

- Lately, he hasn't seen you around as often and it's honestly been affecting his mood. He's more irritable and he's seething when he tries to look for you and you're not as your usual spots. He even broke into your room, expecting to scare you and catch you off gaurd.

- Only to see that a lot of your possessions where gone, which confused and frustrated him even more. Then he hears some other gods talking about you and how you were now living with one of the Valkyries, to which Loki grabbed them and threatened to kill them himself if they didn't tell him everything.

- You changed sides...You couldn't stand him so much that you changed sides and were now roommates with one of the Valkyries, he wasn't sure how he felt. Of course he was angry but he also couldn't really blame you. That didn't mean he had to like it, of course.

- Not only that but it was Thrud who had let you stay with her, noticing how uneasy and paranoid you were because of Loki and vowing to protect you from him. Yeah, maybe he liked to make you miserable and isolated and by his side but he highly doubted you needed protection from him.

- Although protection was such a laughable word considering the fact that despite Thrud's muscular and giant build, he was more than confident all it would take was a simple flick of his wrist to end her.

- So he goes over to the Human's side to grab you and drag you back to him, everyone avoiding him as he walked to the Valkyrie's quarters with a dark and heavy aura that radiated with anger and bloodlust.

- He didn't have to walk too far since he heard you in the garden...talking with Thrud. He stormed over to you, yet he stopped in his tracks when he heard what you said to her.

- "Thrud, you truly are the most beautiful person in heaven." You sighed, making Thrud flustered but she smiled and shyly thanked you for the compliment.

- He...he feels something weird. It's in his chest. It feels like an ache of some sort? The word echoes in his mind as he clenches his chest and stares at the ground. He already knew he was attractive, even when you did call him ugly, and it didn't bother him. So why...Why does that hurt so much now? Beautiful. Why does he feel cold when he sees how joyful Thrud looks when you tell her that.

- That moment of sorrow passed by quickly and he's already enraged but he just walks over and hugs you from behind. Thrud gets up to try and hurt him but he just puts a blade on your neck and is all: "Thrud! What an unpleasant surprise! I'm sorry but we really must be going now! C'mon, (Y/n)!~ I've missed you terribly!" and Thrud is helpless because she doesn't know if he'll actually hurt you but when she tries to follow after, you just give her a sad smile of defeat...which breaks her heart.

- When he drags you back, he throws you roughly against the wall and pins you to it, using one arm to cage you and the other to roughly seize your chin. He looks at you, nothing short of furious but seeing how terrified you are of him at that moment, it makes him smile. So, he gently asks in a soft tone that lacked affection and tenderness, "Tell me I'm beautiful, (Y/n)."

- "...You're beautiful." You answer him, your eyes filled with terror. The smile on his face grows at your words, even if he forced you to say them, and he just pinches your cheek lovingly: "Oh, you're too cute to stay mad at~ Lucky you."

[luckstergal]

Yandere Elliott Mod is funny as hell (to me)

Disclaimer: None of this is meant to be taken seriously, this is me rambling into the void and to my friends.

I cannot believe I'm reviewing a mod, lol. Is it a review? I don't know anymore, just giving my take on it.

It's been like 2 weeks since I gave the Yandere Elliott mod a try and honestly I find it more unintentionally hilarious than off-putting in most places.

I felt that some of the moments could be interpreted as genuinely wholesome and sweet if you isolated them (but that's just how context works in a nutshell I suppose. Look, I genuinely thought the insomnia scene and the post-moonlight-jellies scene with adorable, alright?).

The fact that I have to go out of my way to play very different than I ever would have certainly modifies my overall perspective. If I played normally, the only really unsettling thing would be his unhinged letters. Well, one in particular at least. Most of the letters were campy and funny, knowing how melodramatic this character is naturally. Only 1 letter made me and 2 other people I showed it to go "Oh GOD". Everything else? Unintentionally hilarious, or wholesome if you take the obsession letters out. His stalker-schedule was funny as hell. What do I mean by that? How is the "stalker schedule" funny? The mod alters his schedule after 1 heart, so he'll periodically go spy on you on the farm. This was scary only twice for me because I didn't expect it, and there was a long gap between the first time and the second time. Once summer hit, however, it got funny. He was showing up every single day at 6:30 on the dot, except for Friday and Sunday. He was so punctual that I'd look at the clock, see he's about to show up, and prepare myself for my daily convo with him/gift giving if it's Monday and Tuesday. Man was so consistent it was hilarious.

Even better: when he's standing there for so long, his pathfinding kinda... glitches? He'll act like there's something in front of him preventing his movement (like when a player character standing in an NPC's pathing) and suddenly just... book it across the map into the void. Practically died laughing (though I did freak out the first time it happened because I thought "WAIT THIS MOD LETS HIM CHASE YOU?" only for him to run passed and into nothingness)

It actually got a bit lonely in autumn when he stopped showing up and opted to camp outside the mines instead all day. (Elli, sweetie, Ignatius is not going there most of the time because autumn 1 is a busy season for him, come back!) The fact that I have to fully romance all the other bachelors in order to activate one of the legitimately most unhinged aspects of the mod is what throws me off. I know they're fictional characters, but I've always felt icky at multi-dating personally. Just not for me. I pick one and I stick with my decision. Reading the text in the content file is one thing, but I wanted to see the event play out for myself.

After the event, it got hilarious again completely on accident.

Cue Elli not letting Ignatius leave the farm because of his jealousy. It was winter when this happened. The Obsession Cage-Loop event is designed to where Pierre will send you 50 of a random seed packet every day to make up for the fact that you cannot leave.

Crops don't grow in winter.

The mod makes up for this fact by Pierre sending you ANCIENT FRUIT SEEDS. I had over 300 seeds by the time spring hit. Elli straight up SCAMMING Pierre during the Cage-Loop completely on accident. I'm just sitting here thinking "Dang, had I known this would have happened, I'd have activated this sooner AND kept Elli's heart-level low just to get more bang for my buck. Endless supply of Ancient Fruit Seeds just because you're jealous? Yes please!".

After the cage-loop is over, that's pretty much it. Elli apologizes, wants to do better so you feel safe around him, is willing to just be tormented by his jealousy; etc. and things just kinda go... normal??? After that. He still has his eye-brow raising marriage lines afterwards but after everything has passed, he's not too unsettling.

He's just a weirdo who doesn't know how to handle his love.

Other than ONE letter, and the fact that I had to go OUT OF MY WAY to deliberately activate the Cage-Loop event?

This mod vanilla as fuck, lol.

And no, I didn't do the divorce event. I have a history relating to such dark thoughts and even just reading the dialogue in the content file made me uncomfortable.

Overall 10/10 good way to have spent my week between my 2.0 vtuber model work.

--

It also do not help at all that what makes this mod hilarious in my head is that I play as an inhuman farmer who absolutely towers over Elli in every way. Ignatius is not threatened by this obsessive weirdo in the least bit.

[footballfanficwriter]

Taking care of you

Summary:where Jude is sick and the reader is looking after him

"I told you not to play with water during Winter"

"Babe, right now is not the time to play the I told you so card"

"You should have listened though, now look at you, sick in bed, heating temperature, you are so hot it's like you just got out of a frying pan"

"I know right, I'm on fire" he says as he starts coughing again

"If by on fire, you mean your fever is getting worser, then yes my love you are so hot , you burn like a volcano" I say placing a cool rag on his forehead

" fine next time I'll listen to you"

"Yeah, whatever you say bro, I'm going to the kitchen to make you Some soup, try to get some rest, while I'm busy"

"Ok" he says

I walk out the room and go downstairs to the kitchen

I start making Jude's soup

When all of a sudden I hear him throw up in the bathroom

I quickly run upstairs to find him with his head hanging on the bathtub close to the toilet

"Baby, what happened"

"I tried I really did, but i think I'm dying"

"Jude stop being so dramatic, you're not dying, you're just sick"

"This fever will be the cause of my death"

"Ok, let's get you back in bed, before you start speaking shit again"

"Can I come sit with you in the Kitchen"

"You need to get some sleep first babe"

" I promise to listen too you just please"

"Fine"

We walk downstairs and I help him lye on the couch where he can see me in the Kitchen

I go back to the kitchen and continue what I was busy with before helping Jude

"You know, you are so beautiful"

" thank you" I say without looking at him

"Cause I'm actually thinking right like how was I able to bag, such a beautiful person"

"How high is that fever of yours"

"I don't think it's the fever" he says

"Then what is it then?"

" I'm just in love with you"

"Ok weirdo"

"Baby can I get a kiss"

"No, you'll make me sick"

I walk over to him and place the bowl of soup on the coffee table

"Here you go my love"

"Feed me please"

I sigh and sit next to him, grab the bowl and start feeding him

"You big baby"

" yeah whatever"

We sit in comfortable silence until he breaks it

"I've been thinking"

"That's never anything good, here"

He moves forward and takes the spoon into his mouth

"Where do you see yourself in the next few years?"

"I don't know, why"

"I see myself Married, with three children, and a wife that I love to bits"

"Huh, well goodluck to your wife, she's gonna need all the luck she can get" I say blowing on the spoon

"Your sarcasm is not funny"

"Oh yeah? I actually find it hilarious"

"Babe c'mon answer the question"

"Fine, I see myself married aswell, maybe being a mom and having a successful career as a lawyer"

"Who would you be married to" he asks

"I don't know, I saw this hunk at the supermarket yesterday, maybe him, that's if the universe will allow us to see eachother again"

" you're not funny" he says looking at me with a scowl

" I actually think I'm funny, I think I'm so funny, I make Trevor Noah look like he's an amateur"

"Y/n"

"Fine I see myself married to You Bro"

"Really?"

"Yeah, and you"

"I see myself married to Toby's sister"

I look at him for a very long time until he says

"Yeah it's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot is it?"

"You know I could easily choose to leave you be and you can take care of yourself, or maybe you can call Toby's sister to look after you and nurse you back to health"

"I was joking alright, I see myself married to you"

" Mhhhm"

"So in a few years, we'll have mini yous and mini mes running around the house"

" yes we will"

"I can't wait, to share family moments"

"Oh yeah? , like what" I ask feeding him another spoon

"Like, watching you and our children, supporting me from the side lines as they wear my teams shirt with the word Bellingham at the back"

"And winning the champions league, with you, by my side"

I laugh at him, and can actually Invision that happening

"Well I see myself winning my court cases and you sitting in the Audience"

"Or us discussing you with your cases and helping you find evidence to help, you win your case and all the late nights we'll have"

"Babe you hate staying up late"

"Yeah but for you, I'll do anything"

"That was so cheesy it kinda made me puke a little"

" whatever"

"But, I can't wait to spend all that time with you and our Future children"

"Me too Jude, we're gonna be so happy"

"Yes we will especially with you by my side"

"You'll be the perfect dad"

"And you'll be the perfect mom"

"Also our children need to play sports, football to be exact"

"You weren't into football growing up"

"Yeah but our children will be"

"I refuse to let you force my children to partake in a sport they don't wanna participate in"

"They are our children"

I sigh knowing that it's hopeless

"Look at us arguing like an old married couple" he says

"How did God send me such a crazy person to love"

"He sent you someone that matched your energy"

"More like drained my energy"

"You still love me though"

"I don't know, it's actually something I'm reconsidering"

"Why must you always be like this" he asks with sarcasm

"Because I am me"

He looks at me with a serious face

"I'm Joking ofcourse I love you,I always will"

"Ok now, give me a kiss" he says

"No, I'm not planning on getting sick anytime soon"

"I'll look after you"

"How will you look after me if you're sick as well"

He's quiet and doesn't say a word

"Exactly what I thought"

[cer-rata]

Fav batfam ships?

See, making that plural was a mistake, dear Anon, because now I have an excuse to list one for every member I care about and also explain myself--

In no particular order:

Bruce and Talia: Partially because I am god's strongest (and most delusional) soldier and can ignore anything racist and OOC in all of her depictions over the last 20 years. I honestly think it's hilarious how disgustingly horny they are for each other and how absolutely stupid they get when left alone together. 10/10 so funny I could die, let them be dumb together as a treat.

Dick and Koriand'r: Listen. It's basic. They have problems, they've always had problems, but when the story and editorial direction allows for it they make each other so happy. Two traumatized kids from across the stars that find a moment of safety with each other? I am a simple man, it compels me.

Kate and Renee: I'm a sucker for disaster lesbians. I am. They are the avatars of lesbian disaterism and honestly good for them, keep making Aphrodite wildly upset with how hard you both can fumble a baddie, laddies.

Stephanie and Cassandra: It's popular for a reason! They are so wildly different while being weirdly similar! They care about each other in ways that are so genuine and raw, but aren't always helpful to the other party! Visually they look like a classic emo/sunshine ship, but if you investigate even a little bit it's quickly obvious that their dynamic is much weirder and more interesting. See also: the above disaster lesbians (wlw specifically here but the sentiment stands) thing.

Barbara and...Kara(?): ...This is my badly substantiated rarepair that also relies on a reality where Kara wasn't aged down. I just...it is one of the two variations of Superbat that compels me, and it purely comes down to the intensity of their personalities, the emotional weight they both carry, their intense understanding of loss and duty, and the fact that as Oracle and Supergirl they manage to have similarly heavy responsibilities on their shoulders.

Damian and Jon: The other variation of Superbat that compels me. Look. They've never got to have any consistent, wholesome, appropriate or healthy close relationships with any other viable options first off, so this isn't hard. Second, their arcs are literally designed to compliment each other, and the groundwork for that was laid out for sooo many issues. It's the opposite of Babs and Kara where there is actually so much content to be compelled by that it circles back to being painful again. Now, to be clear, I have no interest in anything happening with them unless and until they are allowed to be adults, mostly because I think those character arcs need come to completion before anything more than being best buds happens. Also, as god's strongest (and most delusional) soldier, the volcano didn't happen, Jon is going age normally and get to go to high school, they're going to fix it okay, there's a space whale--

Tim and Jason are in a weird "Y shaped" poly situation with a hairy bear named "Intensive Mental Health Care": No I will not be elaborating further.

Duke and ???: I love Duke. I have not been compelled by a ship for him yet. I know Tom King tried to make him and Gotham Girl a thing but...who wants that? I even like Gotham Girl enough to write for her, but WHO WANTS THAT!?

Anyone else I really haven't thought enough about to include...however....

HONORABLE MENTIONS THAT I DON'T WANT BUT SOMEHOW COMPEL ME:

Bruce and Minhkhoa: So funny, almost a parody of Bruce in a MLM ship, painfully comedic, Khoa is a disaster of a man and the most down bad creature on earth, beating even Talia on the obsession angle. Never let them prosper, never let them get it together, let me feast on this crack made canon.

Bruce and Selina: I DO like me some batcat, but I'm really more interested in Selina getting to be her own thing nowadays. Escape the bat-love interest curse girl, maybe go kiss an amazon or something.

Kon and Cassandra: Don't want this, but I am truly taken by the fact that was even a thing that was considered for 30 seconds. Insane. Insane pairing. Batshit. Kind of endearing? But please never again.

Barbara and Dinah: Listen 90's BoP (and often after too) was full of so much sexual tension between these two that it was almost suffocating. The one-night stand that they both fondly think about later, but told no one about? It needed to happen, but that's the end of it for me.

[mutantjellybeans]

you're so fuckin right about peter/johnnybin that post i was just whispering yessss the whole time readin it

i can't write for shit myself (its been 13 years and i wrote something kinda decent imo) but all i can picture is those two doing an interview or making a youtube video as an official couple. like johnny's so used to the structure of all of it but peter?? oh god never let this man be on the other side of a camera he is a MESS

bitchy af....like turned the dial to 11 catty and snarky answers to the fan questions. johnny laughs and pokes fun at his bf about being shy but he gets a lil frustrated/insecure-ish toward the end. "peter didnt want to do this with me; is it because this is too much/I'M too much? i know i've dated a lot of ppl before him so does that gross him out now?" and they have a lil squabble (two men with disastrous personal/professional lives = a perfect match) but make up(out) after yayyyyy!!!! peter maaaybe even starts liking the exposure a bit...def not because he likes seeing johnny smile nope nuh uh totally impossible...

lol sorry for the wholeass novel but ugh i love these dumbasses

You get it! I like to think a reporter will ask them a weird/invasive question and Johnny tries to stay all polite and professional but Peter just immediately goes “what the fuck kinda question is that?” and now Johnny’s trying (and failing) to hold in a laugh, his interviews definitely blow up online and all of a sudden there are dozens of “Peter Parker’s lack of media training” compilations à la Reneé Rapp, I like to think Johnny just eats it up, he thinks it’s hilarious, Sue does not find it as funny as him and tries to make Peter meet with the family PR team before it turns disastrous for them

I like to think in all his cattiness is definitely a result of his brain short-circuiting out of anxiety so his mouth just runs on autopilot, he’ll say literally anything on his mind but he does it with the typical Parker charm that everyone loves

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

|•♡•♡{Welcome pick your man!}♡•♡•|

|•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡{Number 10}♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•|

fairy god father

{♡} ask

- Alphonse trying to get the two together

meme turned sad

{♡} ask

- would you love me as a worm?

I'm back in the house again??

{♡} ask

- Lord have mercy I'm back in the house again STG

audio

{♡} ask

- He treats them so much better

bun in the oven

{♡} ask

- whoops wrong things to text him-

fruit roll up on his dic-

{♡} personal

- silly silly idea

Incorrect Quotes:

what they do?

boss music

wazer blue

call for ya mama bitch

too tough to cry

lil hottie

glaze this DICK

jolly ranchers

cuddle trap

{♡} requested

- Boo trying to get up, who's clinging to them? Seth.

feelings

{♡} ask

- Oh! shit we caught feelings

electric boogaloo pt 2

{♡} ask

- Boo said it'd time to soften a bad boy

httyd

{♡} ask

- He'd so love the movies

protective boo

{♡} ask

- I'm actually so soft for this one

can tell when it's gonna rain

{♡} personal

- I feel like he can just tell

class of 2013

{♡} personal

- hurt myself a lil bit w this one

Angst time

{♡} personal

- nightmares actually suck

Incorrect Quotes:

blue enchanting eyes

white toxic trash

both a lil insane for each other-

{♡} personal

- they both kinda crazy ngl

Incorrect Quotes:

will love you no matter what

Angst time

{♡} personal

- LOVE ME LOVE ME-

Incorrect Quotes:

Not fine

spite and magic, with a hint of guilt!

tiktok audio

{♡} ask

- two bad bitches

liquid smooth

{♡} personal

- it just fits

Incorrect Quotes:

BLOCKED

STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER

new skin

end of an era

oooh nice, perfect~

juggler

wanna be in your arms

{♡} requested

- wrap your arms around me and stay.

tied down, lovingly

{♡} requested

- We tie Auron down, wonder how that went?

busted up like a jock geeked up like a nerd

{♡} personal

- It fits also

Incorrect Quotes:

third base

now we can.

Who's jealous?

ain't I clean tho?

demon name

{♡} ask

- idea of Lucien's name

painting

{♡} personal

- this is literally them wdym

food critic

{♡} personal

- He'd love being one ngl

Incorrect Quotes:

MINE!!

marinara sauce never cling

hot tempered partner

big back

Cute aggression

{♡} requested

- The bittersweet boys get cuteness aggression

dancing hc

{♡} requested

- how well do I think the boys dance?

Tug of War

{♡} requested

- Camp AU, Alphonse has a wager and Boo is competitive.

twitter posts idea

{♡} ask

- Idea 4 twitter posts I do

listener gc

{♡} ask

- I hc this actually

kid versions

{♡} ask

- kid versions being cute

au's from moot

{♡} ask

- just as the title is

puff puff pass

{♡} ask

- Hufflepuff Boo coming in clutch

tall fuckers

{♡} ask

- they have no right being this tall stg

Boo and Tiana

{♡} ask

- this is so cute actually

Aussie accent Boo

{♡} ask

- rip anyone trying to understand them

boobs bounce

{♡} personal

- half the yv boys can do this teehee

meme

{♡} personal

- Auron and Charlie meme idea (actually wnet insane trying to find the picture I was talking about)

roblox horror games

{♡} personal

- this would actually be so fucking hilarious

random strays Bittersweet boy's

{♡} personal

- they cannot catch a break stg

Boo and Lucien meeting

{♡} personal

- this would be so funny

younger self

{♡} personal

- wait is that younger me-

Incorrect Quotes (Multi boys):

boys we like

hate men

CREASE HIS JORDAN'S!!

be mean to me.

bittersweet gc

lol I'm dying listener's version

lol I'm dying Bittersweet version

everything you always wanted

they're my color

let the world BURN

give me patience

It's still you

.•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•.

•♡•♡..Please consider following..♡•♡•

[buckmpreg]

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

honestly one thing that shocked me a lot when i first got into the tumblr fandom was how many people disliked/hated josh. and honestly, i feel like a lot of people dislike him bc of homophobic reasons lol. like why do you find him so damn annoying? give me a valid reason and *maybe* i'll listen lol

yes there are a couple things he did on the show that annoyed me, but none of it makes me hate him. i like him enough. he's funny sometimes, he's a good friend to maddie, and he's pretty damn good at his job (disregarding how he treated may with the whole claudette thing & how he talked to eddie that one time but that was hilarious to me so i give it a pass).

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

hmm. honestly i am trying to figure out how to word it. i'm all for people headcanoning their faves as whatever they want, but that doesn't mean that that headcanon isn't stupid as fuck to me. like sometimes that goes so far that it's almost as if you didn't watch the same show that i did.

before you come for me, i am literally ace/demisexual myself.

i can understand the demisexual eddie headcanon, but ace eddie just does not make much sense to me at all bc he's shown in the show to be somebody who has enjoyed sex and even sought it out (with shannon) and with ana he defo had a sexual relationship with her at one point. i'm not saying that ace people can't have had sex or can't have sex in general, i am just saying that eddie canonically isn't asexual, and the way some people have written him in fanfics just feels so damn sanitised to me, like they make eddie so damn soft that it's almost unbearable, like he's not the same person at all.

and don't even get me started on fics where buck is the victim and everyone else is mean to him and everybody in the 118 are written way out of character and like they maliciously hurt buck or some shit like that. i hate it. so much.

it's gotten to the point where i haven't touched fanfiction in this fandom in months, if not almost a whole year, with, like, maybe one or two exceptions.

i feel like the fanfiction in this fandom is the worst case of fanon i've ever experienced. i feel like a lot of this fandom is obsessed with purity or whatever, like, even a lot of the smut feels genuinely sanitized to me. where's the actual horniness, where's the desire, why are they acting in a way they never would on the show like. why are they either fucking like wild animalistic rabbits or having such tender sex where they're both crying and its like reading a telenovela version of them like.

also where are the actual fandom freaks? oh right most of them don't bother with this fandom bc they'd just be run off by all the prudes. the most kink this fandom can handle is maybe a teeny tiny bit of choking. if you dare write anything even remotely dark or kinky people turn on you so fast lmao

these are just a few examples i can think of but there's more stuff that bothers me lmao.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[autisticempathydaemon]

Ohmygod I love matchups

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Too sweet by Hozier ofc ofcm I looove Hozier and the way he sings about relationships 😭 Im like not fixated on a specific lyric, I'm fixated on the wedding bells in the background of the chorus

What is your Enneagram type?

Okay it has been a FUCKTON of time since I looked at that stuff but iirc it was 2? Me being an infp is literally the only thing I can consistently remember bc ADHD brain

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

YESS I listen to them whenever I'm playing Sims or working on something. Any of Jenny Nicholson or Li Speaks’ videos are common for that Nostalgic Essay Stuff. SPECIFICALLY Jenny Nicholson’s jeff the killer fanfiction book video because I OWNED THAT BOOK. I WROTE CREEPYPASTA FANFICTION AND I OWNED THAT BOOK

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I did not have one and I pretended to because everyone else did and I felt weird for not having one

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Imagining being loved and cared for 😭 or whumpy fanfiction scenarios no in-between. But they usually overlap

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I named myself after a character cause I relate ofc but I also named myself echo because it was another birth name in consideration for me and it feels like… whimsical

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

ITS STILL “FLIRTY VAMPIRE LOSES CONTROL” BECAUSE IM OBSESSED WITH SCENES WHERE THE HUMAN PARTNER OF A “MONSTER” CHARACTER IS DIRECTLY CONFRONTED WITH THEIR MONSTROUS TRAITS AND LOVES THEM ANYWAY.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Gavin </3 I am simply not a sexual person and it puts me off a bit lol

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

This spectacular show called dramaworld about a girl whos obsessed with kdramas and gets sucked into the world of them, but not in a “the events are real” way, in a “the entire world is a setup for the same characters to go through various plots, forgetting and falling in love over and over again” and it's hilarious and it's such a comfort show even though I can't watch it anywhere anymore I don't think. The main romance is top tier. It's so funny. And the stakes and plot twists are actually pretty good

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Probably Sam? I want him to be my dad. I have issues.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Apparently when I'm half asleep I start talking about horses? But when I'm still conscious, I mostly talk about like. Vampires mostly.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

doritos dinamita and mountain dew yes I am basic

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

I don't have favorite playlists so much as I play 4-6 songs over and over on repeat until I'm sick of them. Currently, those songs are too sweet by Hozier, no more birthdays by sophie may, and Every Chappelle Roan Song.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

I love bad romance novels the more ridiculous and bad, the better. kresley cole's immortals after dark are fun to make fun of (no. Hate if you like them)

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

Uhhh my favorite form of interaction is parallel play. irl or digital, in a digital sense it means “we're liveblogging two separate things we're doing at the same time” lmao

- Asher-Echo/vampire-bite

Ooh, there’s a lot of good info to consider here. Initially, it was hard because I find Type Two’s easily compatible with most of the Redacted bois, but what said about “not being a sexual person” made it easy to choose Ollie for you.

Because he has never and will never get a BA, I love to headcanon Ollie as either asexual, low-libido, or both, so that’s one reason I think he’d be a good match for you. I also love that y’all would like so many of the same things like open-world games, bad/silly romance novels, and spending time with one another without the pressure to actively interact or engage with each other. (Also creepypastas. I love to headcanon Ollie as a horror, creepypasta fiend, given he grew up on the internet around when Jeff the Killer came to be.)

Every day with Ollie would be so comfortable and domestic, so sweet. Like, on a long weekend like this one if you’re American, I can see y’all spending it at home, a little staycation. He’d be in the other room or one end of the couch reading, and you’d be on the other reading one of your romance novels. Cattywumpus would be on your lap, because you’re his favorite. Your music is playing in the background, and you both stop what you’re doing to dance to “Hot to Go!”, because Ollie would totes love Chappell Roan.

Song:

Spillin' wine and homemade drinks/ We throw a cheers, the worries sink/ Damnit, it's so good to be alive/ We know that we don't got much/ But, then again, it's just enough/ To always find a way for a good time

Ollie strikes me as the type of guy who loves simple, feel-good, folk-esque music, someone being honest and emotional with a guitar. That’s one reason I like this song for y’all and can imagine it shuffled with yours as y’all hang out. The other is that this love song is sweet, catchy, simple just like Ollie~

Runner-ups:

Your love of the Sims and cheesy paranormal romance novels compels me to give you Elliott as a runner-up, because he could bring the things you read and create to life in your dreams, and that’d be so fun! In contrast, your Enneagram type and identifying yourself as nonsexual makes me want to pair you with Cam who gives me an asexual, easily affectionate vibe.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[archivalofsins]

It is so funny to think about Kazui being a cop.

Even if I personally don't want it to be that because it's funnier to me if he failed to become one. Yet, when I take into consideration Kazui being a cop alongside the cops Yamanaka has written previously,

It's like yeah it would be simple if it was that it wouldn't even be surprising honestly like maybe I'm overcomplicating it.

Yet there's something objectively hilarious about Yamanaka writing not one, not two, but three cops that are criminals or viewed as such. Not even touching on how at that point he really would have just fused these two guys that he made before together just to make Kazui.

I find the idea of him doing that hilarious just from a writing perspective. He really went hmmm soooo nobody really liked Stork... Let me see what would happen if I just mix in a bit of Shota- and then this much Stork there. A little bit of something new right there-

Perfect!

It's peer-reviewed police corruption.

I also like saying that whether Kazui is a cop or not is rather inconclusive because cops are just criminals with badges anyway where I'm from. Even the inkling of being a cop should have ruined this man's reputation harder than Mu's father being a landlord fucked up hers.

Yet people wanted to focus on it being wrong for men to get divorced for some reason that shit was wild. Nobody hit this man with oh my god he's a fucking cop gross, once.

In hindsight it's impressive I didn't see that argument more. He's in here for murder and implied to be a cop but no one raked him over the coals for that shit. There's a timeline where Kazui was called out for being a cop and he got guilty just because that's an indefensible action especially when he's in jail for allegedly killing his wife.

Something that cops are notoriously known for fucking doing where I come from at least.

He even openly states no one outside of here would consider him a murderer in his first interrogation.

"I do. At the very least, I believe I'm a murderer. And I regret it. Not that there's any use to that remorse." Use to you remorse...? "Putting that aside, what even is your source of information? I don't think there are any people other than myself who would consider me a murderer."

"For example, why would someone gather a bunch of acquitted murderers together and try to make them repent? That's something a crazy person would do."

"Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

This is at least to me a very funny contrast to Shota if one knows his story. Like the fact that no one would consider Kazui a murderer only he would is just such a stark contrast to the cop Yamanaka wrote right before him that it can only be funny.

It's also just funny to think about the concept of Kazui being a cop in relation to the song Business Man especially these lyrics,

"What do you mean you don't know me I was the best man at your wedding?!" "I'm a bad cop and if you couldn't tell I also killed your wife in that drug cartel."

It's just funny to think about Kazui being a cop because it doesn't make anything he did better at all. In fact when one really thinks of the implications it makes what he did phenomenally worse. In hindsight though his second trial was difficult- Probably a lot more due to this factor than I know- It kind of failed to really touch on things that would have made it even harder for the man to keep treading water at least from what I saw personally.

Didn't get one acab after making Yuno's trial about abortion rights that shit is sad. Not a one...it was just relationship drama for the most part.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Wow, I'm mad at myself for being late to the favorite fic subject coming up /j

Personally, I'm a huge sucker for cya and have itysg as a second(however, if we decide to count your other fics then... itysg would be third while your smile makes me smile would be second). I think it's the amount of world building that makes it so interesting for me along with the fact that it takes place before the archon war. Like, there hardly passes a day where cya doesn't just... scoot right over into my thoughts making it kinda hard to reread cause it know it so well </3.

I am sad to say that I haven't checked out BitA yet. When I first saw it while looking for some other fic of yours to read, I didn't really like apocalypse stories much. I might check it out though cause I'm a lot more open to those kinds of stories now. I also remember starting every good intention, but I don't remember why I stopped... I think I had to get off my phone for a bit and just... forgot to continue? Idk I really should check those two...

You really get me Sprinkles- those murder mystery fics are so good! I remember reading one of genshin that was also mixed with a time loop and I just ate it up-(it was sadly discontinued and then deleted from ao3, but not before I managed to download it for future offline reading-) I'm honestly interested in those wriolette ones you mentionned, may I have a few recs if you don't mind? I need more wriolette in my life.

i do in fact have some wriolette murder mystery / cop mystery recs

A Match Made in France by oooohscar - not a murder mystery per se but it does contain mystery investigations. it's basically furina trying to matchmake neuvillette and wriothesley and she quickly discovers they work well as investigation partners? and so she starts trying to get them to investigate things together, but then shit gets out of hand. it's so fucking good and so fucking funny. like it's pre-reveal furina but i can forgive the mild ooc and- y'know, furina portrayal pre-trauma-reveal (?) just because it's so well written and hilarious (and also she's not portrayed entirely as a brat, i find her more absurdly histrionic than anything). also it's not just furina pov, it switches between all of them. it's incomplete but updating, and absolutely worth a read

The Gambler's Debt by Marsrevale - much more serious than the one above, this one is a murder mystery through and through. the mystery is still only starting, so it probably has a long way to go, but i'm patient so i'll keep up. it's basically neuvillette and clorinde going to investigate a series of murders in the fortress of meropide (this is a sort of modern au so meropide is a gambling house / hotel i think) and wriothesley is the main suspect, but there's also stuff going on between neuvillette and wriothesley bc they knew each other long ago but only wriothesley recognizes him. idk how else to describe it, it's really intriguing so far, i hope the mystery pans out nicely

Hold my hand, never let me go by Jinnmi - also a proper murder mystery, this one is about what is essentially a branch of fontaine's police force for criminal investigation led by wriothesley and the many interconected cases they have to solve. neuvillette is sent as a consultant to keep an eye on them, but ends up basically joining the team as they all try to solve a big case that seems to threaten the country whole and is also somehow connected to wriothesley's past. this one is very good, the murders might be a bit too gruesome for sensitive people? but still, really nice. i love the unsettling vibe of whatever the one behind this all is planning, the suspense is also really good. still updating and i rush to it every time a new chapter comes out, it had me in a chokehold when i first found it.

hope those sound interesting!

[tinydragondreamer]

oopsies i got inspired by this post to make personal headcanons of roland's joke-flirting with the patron librarians because these have begun haunting my sleep

Firstly, the ones that are very Similar in their reactions:

Angela and Yesod: They are Exasperated. "Roland can you stop talking. For ONE SECOND." (no >:3c). I think Angela responds Once in a very snarky sarcastic way in hopes that it will get him to Shut Up but regrets it INSTANTLY because he WILL double down For The Bit.

Yesod adjusts his tie again (someone's gotta enforce workplace dress code) and roland's like "damn at least buy me dinner first" and yesod gives him a withering look like "i am not lowering myself to your level"

Next is Malkuth and Hod: They're friendly but a little distant about it. There's a clear boundary line and Roland respects that. Malkuth might roll her eyes and go "flattery won't get you anywhere" at times, but they both tend to give very genuine compliments and affirmations in response and while their reactions are definitely not the most Amusing/Entertaining to roland he really appreciates the emotional support

Aaaand Netzach and Chesed are the ones i feel would be the most reciprocating(? idk it feels weird to use that word but i can't think of a better one right now) of the joke flirting. lots of back and forth banter and a very "cheers i'll drink to that" energy. Very chill vibes.

Tiphereth: No. He jokes around with her in a different way, very bastard big brother energy. The type of person who would use you as an arm rest. A menace.

Gebura: He attempts once to joke-flirt with her but she shoots him down with "flattered, but i'm a lesbian" and he's like "cool, understood. so like. women am i right." and that's his workplace bonding attempt with gebura. i think she finds it funny in a "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit" way.

Binah: She'd find it amusing. As a reward for entertaining her she psychoanalyzes him and he's like "ah shit retreat retreat retreat." She finds this just as amusing, this is Her workplace bonding activity now.

Hokma: I find it kind of hard to pin down how Roland and Hokma would interact considering they do so little interacting in-game (Hokma's floor interactions being reserved for Angela for Obvious Reasons). I think like Binah he'd be bemused by Roland's attempts, but like Malkuth and Hod he'd have a very clear-cut boundary line where he's friendly about it, But he's also not necessarily going to play along. So he wouldn't really be the most entertaining and Roland would respect that i think...

...Except there's also the Live Angela Reaction. her bff is flirting with her dad what the fuck??????????? roland of course finds this hilarious.

imagine the power he could wield with the magic words "L+ratio+I fucked your dad" it would never happen, but sometimes he just likes to imagine having the power to able to win any argument with angela.