#if you think he's hot then good for you but like ... rip in pepperoni to your taste also<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

Henry Cavill just doesn't look like anything. He's just a generic handsome man. There's no charisma, no flavor. He's a man on a romance novel cover. He's a disembodied hairy torso. He's AI generated.

[strawbearytae]

pizza guy | myg x reader

pizza guy

delivery guy! yoongi x customer! reader oneshot

genre: fluff ft. crack

warning: language (maybe?)

synopsis: When you fall for the guy who was delivering your roommate’s raging pizza addiction, you were fine to look at him from afar… apparently your roommate wasn’t and did the best to make sure you caught his attention.

Yoongi was clearly not amused.

“Hey-“

He shoved the pizza into your arms and backed away, looking slightly hurt…betrayed, “I gotta go… iron… my cat.”

~~~~

Yes, you were in love with the pizza guy. You weren’t exactly “in love,” but Jungkook wouldn’t take the “admiration” that you used to describe him… anyone could see, you were head over heels over that guy since the pizza you met him.

You met Yoongi when Jungkook wasn’t there, he ordered pizza and fell asleep playing overwatch in his room. You could clearly remember that you were wearing a towel around your head when someone knocked on the door.

6 weeks ago…

“Jungkook! Pizza!”

No answer.

You groaned as you got up from your comfy position on the couch, the knocking continued, “Coming!!!” You muttered under your breath, “I don’t even like pizza, Jungkook you little shit.”

When you opened the front door, you were surprised… at least caught off guard. There was a guy, black hair, piercings, ripped jeans and AgustD concert hoodie with his hand in mid-knock. You noticed he had nice hands, piano hands… nice veiny piano hands. He looked at you surprised… there was something about him though… maybe the fact that he was wearing your favorite rapper’s concert hoodie or his soothing voice that made you melt inside, “hi.”

“Hi.” You said, dazed by his deep and mumbled voice.

“Um… pizza?” He held the pizza box, which you only now noticed, up.

“Oh yeah!” You said, grabbing Jungkook’s wallet from the counter. He’s the pizza guy Y/N, he’s just the pizza guy… maybe a handsome pizza guy-

“Pepperoni right… Jungkook?” He read the name off the box, snapping you from your thoughts. He looked back at you and his face went blank, “Your boyfriend?”

You slightly laughed, “No, childhood friend and roommate, more like a brother really.”

He smiled, the way that his eyes squinted as his cheeks raised into a perfect smile sent butterflies through your body. He’s cute…

You stared at him awkwardly, still holding Jungkook’s wallet, you probably looked like a doofus. You snapped back into your senses once you heard a loud thump upstairs… Jungkook probably fell off his bed again.

“Is he okay?” The pizza guy asked, looking up.

“Yeah, it happens all the time.” You saw his name tag pinned on his shirt, what you would assume was his name along with the Pizza Hut logo, “Yoongi?”

“Huh,” his head snapped back to meet your gaze, he looked down to where you staring, “Yeah…”

Awkwardness befell both of you again.

“Should I pay…?” You raised Jungkook’s wallet slightly.

“Oh… yeah.” Yoongi messed his hair slightly, making him even more hot than before. Y/n stop thirsting, he’s the pizza guy. “Sorry, I’m a little out of it today… It’ll be $14.99.”

“No, no, same.” You handed him a $20 bill, “Keep the change.”

“Thanks,” Yoongi turned around.

“AgustD!” You yelled without thinking, Yoongi stopped and faced you, “Y-your hoodie,” you muttered, “I like him… I mean your hoodie… I mean yeah…”

Yoongi nodded, “I like him too, you listened to his new album, yet?”

“D-2?” You chuckled, “I listened to the whole thing in one sitting, I almost fainted when he suddenly dropped it.”

“Same, literally when Big Hit was teasing it, I think I screamed a little.”

“A little?” You remembered how Jungkook came rushing into your room, thinking you cut off a finger or something.

“Okay, a lot.” Yoongi admitted, rolling his eyes, amused, “Dear My Friend was probably my favorite, a masterpiece.”

“It was such an emotional song though, the lyrics…”

“Exactly, he has such a great beat to lyrics ratio, like you can’t just have good lyrics with a boring beat, he found a great ratio to balance both out. Does that make sense?” Yoongi looked down slightly, cheeks slightly pink.

“Definitely, also with Moonlight? Great lyrics with a great rhythm, the way that he’s able to portray the exact messages with the exact feelings he’s saying it with is just insane!”

“I know right!” Yoongi smiled as he saw your excitement, “It’s nice to see someone who understands good music.”

“Touché.” You smiled back.

“Y/N?” Jungkook called out, emerging from behind you. He straightened his posture when he saw Yoongi, “Who’s that?”

“This is Yoongi… my new pizza friend-guy.”

Yoongi gave you a look and whispered, “New pizza friend-guy, seriously?”

“I didn’t know what else to say!” You whispered back.

Jungkook walked up to you and put his arms around your waist, narrowMing his gaze on Yoongi, “Hi.”

Yoongi mirrored his gaze, though Jungkook was a much taller and thicker wall of muscle, Yoongi didn’t seem the slightest bit dazed, “Hi.” He turned to you, handing you the receipt and a $5 coupon, “It was nice talking to you, Y/n.” He walked to his motorcycle and drove off. You didn’t want him to go.

Jungkook closed the door, forcing you to stop looking at the empty spot where Yoongi was talking to you only minutes ago, “What was that?”

“Pizza.” You muttered as you pointed to the pizza box you held in your arms.

“Yes, but Yoongi.”

“He’s just the Pizza guy, the delivery man.” You shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal of it.

“Last time I checked, you’re not the type of person to strike up a conversation with the pizza guy.” Jungkook took slice and bit into it, he waved the slice to you, using it like a pointer, “Hell, you don’t even like talking to your classmates for help.”

“That’s different!” You said, taking a bite, “We talked about music not about if Khan was right or not… which by the way he wasn’t.”

“Mhmmmm…” Jungkook rolled his eyes, chewing in silence before gasped, “You like him!”

“What! No, I don’t!” You said, rolling your watch around your wrist.

“You play with your watch when you’re nervous! You only get nervous when you like people!”

“No!” You stopped playing with your watch. “It’s just a-admiration.”

“You’re stuttering!”

“That’s doesn’t mean shit!”

“It means you’re nervous!”

“Oh, shut up!” You shoved a slice of pizza into Jungkook’s mouth.

Jungkook rolled his eyes and chewed, “Well, if he’s the new delivery guy you’re gonna see him often.”

“What?”

“I love pizza. We eat pizza like twice a week, remember?”

---

1 week ago…

After that you had many conversations with Yoongi, without a towel wrapped around your head. You found out that he was 22 and went to the same uni as you and Jungkook did. You found out that he was a music major and wanted to be a producer. His job at the Pizza Hut was part-time to pay his rent and save up to buy a better mike. Sometimes you would order pizza just to talk to him and when you did, he and you talked so long that the pizza went cold. And he always left you coupons.

“Y/n…” Jungkook said, opening the fridge, “This is getting excessive… even for me.”

“What do you mean?” You scrolled through your phone, thinking about ordering pizza again.

“We have 7 boxes of pizza in our fridge, that’s what I mean!” Jungkook slammed the fridge door and huffed, “You gotta get his number.”

You snapped your head up, “What?!”

“You can’t keep ordering pizza to talk to this guy!” Jungkook waved his hands around, “You’re starting to make me, Jeon Jungkook, a pizza lover, HATE pizza!”

“I can’t just ask for his number!”

“Why not!?” Jungkook glared.

“I-I want him to ask me for mine…” You looked down at the floor.

Jungkook sighed, “Y/N, it’s fucking 2022, girls can ask guys for their numbers too.”

“Yeah… but I want him to ask me… Plus what if he doesn’t like me! What if he thinks I’m a stalker!”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “The man comes 4 times a week to deliver you pizza, I think “liking you” is an understatement.”

“But that’s his job!”

“It’s not his job to talk to you for over an hour every time he comes here!”

“Well, still!”

Jungkook huffed and messed with his hair, “Would you stop ordering pizza if he asks for your number?”

You thought about it for a moment, “yeah.”

“Fine. I have a plan.”

----

Present…

Jungkook did not tell you what his plan was, but here you were standing on the porch with Yoongi and… Jungkook’s friend, Taehyung in a Domino’s hat, holding a pizza box. Yoongi glared at Taehyung who was trying not to laugh, making him look like he was laughing even more. You glared back at Jungkook who gave you a thumbs up from the kitchen, you gave him the finger.

You sighed and approached Yoongi, “Hey-“

He shoved the pizza into your arms and backed away, looking slightly hurt…betrayed, “I gotta go… iron… my cat.” And with that he ran to his motorcycle and drove away.

Taehyung looked at you, confused, “Well, I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I thought he would try to punch me or kiss you, or both, but I didn’t expect that.”

You ignored him and opened the pizza box, you gasped and dropped the pizza, running to Jungkook’s car.

“Y/N!” Jungkook yelled, “You can’t fucking drive!”

“I have a license!” You yelled back, realizing you didn’t have the keys, “Throw me the keys!”

“Do you even know where you’re going? And you can’t catch for shit either!” Jungkook said, running to you, handing you the keys.

“I’ll be fine!” You said as you hastily as you nearly tripped on your way over to the car.

”Y/N-“

I’m okay!” You hollered as you sped off like a mad woman, still remembering the words neatly printed on the pizza box in Yoongi’s long, elegant handwriting.

“will you be my girlfriend?”

——-—

You nearly hit a dumpster as you tried to park in the empty parking lot, but even then, Yoongi didn’t leave your mind. You leaped out of your car, nearly falling on your ass, but even then, Yoongi didn’t leave your mind as you desperately scrambled to the Pizza Hut.

Inside it was mostly empty, it is only 5:30… The quiet hum of ovens and chatter from the cashiers filled the room. You immediately rushed to the guy working at the register.

“Welcome to Pizza Hut, what can I get you-“

“Yoongi.” You huffed, out of breath, “I need to talk to him.”

The guy olled his eyes, “Girlie, we have at least 4 girls come on a daily basis to try to chat him up, he isn’t interested, okay? He got his deliver girl that he talks to for hours-“ The guy paused before looking up at you, “Wait what’s your name?”

“Y/N…” You half-whispered, hoping that you hadn’t somehow hallucinated the whole thing.

The guy’s eyes widened as he squealed, “OMGOMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOGMOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOGMOGMOGG!!!!! You’re Y/N! Yoongi’s CRUSHHHHHH!” He jumped up and down, “Did you get the box?” He grabbed your hands, “Did you say yes?”

“He ran away before I could-“

The guy let go as he rolled his eyes, “Yoongi that little cowardly shit-“

“If you’re going to curse me out Hobi, please don’t do it in front of a customer-“ Yoongi emerged from the back, freezing at the sight of you. You stared, he was in an apron with flour dusted on his cheek, that’s hot-

“Forget you! You seriously had the audacity to not tell me my ship sailed, after I built it for weeks?” The guy screeched.

He talked about me.

“Hobi.” Yoongi glared.

“Seriously Min Yoongi, what the fuck-“

“Y/N.” He called out, “You should go.”

You crossed your arms, “I actually needed to talk to you about something.”

“Can it wait?”

“No.”

Yoongi’s face visibly hardened, “Fine. We have a storage room.” He motioned you to follow him as he turned the light on in the storage room, shutting the door behind him.

Yoongi didn’t look at you, “Look, Y/N. You don’t have to explain anything, it was delusional of me to think that we had something-“

“No-“

“No, it’s okay.” He rambled, looking away from you, “I knew it was risky move and I just wanted to give it a shot. Like I understand, our pizza is pretty good and I give some coupons and like as college students that’s like a lifeline so don’t worry-“

“Yoongi-“

“I won’t bother you anymore, don’t worry. We can assign a delivery man for your neighborhood, please don’t feel bad. Rejecting me is okay, I just wanted to give a shot-“

Being fed up with his rambling, you rose onto your toes and pressed a kiss against his cheek, immediately shutting him up. You stepped back to get a better look at his shocked face, “My answer was- is going to be yes.” You said, “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond.”

“What?”

“The pizza. I want to be your girlfriend.” You smiled, suddenly feeling a surge of confidence, “No take-backs.”

“A-are you serious?” Yoongi asked.

“Of course.” You slipped your palms into his that were on his sides, “I like you, my pizza guy. I like you, Yoongi.”

Yoongi’s lips spread into the gummy smile you had adored so much, the sight of his smile immediately making you mirror your own back to him. His eyes darted down to your lips before he looked back to you, you nodded. His smile widened before you pressed his lips against yours. He kissed you softly, you grabbed his apron pulling him impossibly closer. You felt your back hit against one of the cabinets as he continued to kiss you, you felt him smile against your lips, you smiled back.

He broke the kiss before looking into your eyes again, laying his forehead against his as he squeezed your hand lightly and reached up with his other hand to caress your cheek lightly, “I like you too.”

You snorted, “After that kiss I was hoping you do too.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, tapping your nose, “Smartass.”

You smiled tapping his nose, “Dumbass.”

Yoongi’s lips curled inwards, “Am not.”

“You haven’t even asked me yet.” You said as you fixed his dark bangs.

“I did, with the pizza.”

You snorted, “Yeah and then you ran away.”

“Still counts.” He insisted, making your roll your eyes. He shook his head with a laugh, “Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Well not after you made me wait that long.” You teased.

“Yah-“

You pressed a kiss to his lips, “Of course, I’ll be your girlfriend.” He smiled, “Afterall, who’s gonna deliver my pizza if I’m not?”

*a/n: please press the heart button! thank you for reading ~(•ㅅ•)*

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 2*

Yes, for two days this is a semi short chapter, but I had another long today and have one more tomorrow and I wanted you to have SOMETHING. Weirdly though I had an entire different chapter written in my head, but when I started typing this came out instead. My original idea is still coming, this just added a fun little bonus getting there. I promise, tomorrow you will get a longer chapter.

Thank you loves for sticking by me through everything! I love you all.

Also, I'm finally using CHAPTER. I kept wanting to use it instead of PART but I just kept writing PART and was like WELP. But they're chapters, right?!

Ok I'll shut up.

Part 1 Here

Part 3

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

And @storiesofsvu for Rita check. lol.

----------------------------------------

When five o’clock rolled around, Rita came walking out of her office with a stack of papers and her briefcase, balancing her purse on her barely free arm.

“Y/N, Why are you still here? Did I not unlock your chains?” She laughed.

“Haha….no, ma’am” You nervously laughed. “I um, I think I’m waiting for someone,”

“You think?” She raised a curious eyebrow. “If you’re waiting on Barba, you’re going to waiting a long time, sweetie,”

“Wha-? How--? Why, exactly?” You asked her totally flabbergasted by the insinuation that not only had Rafael asked you out, but was bailing already.

“He tends to get a little...involved, in his cases. Poor man is a workaholic,” She feigned pity for him.

“Right,” You nodded to her comically overflowing briefcase and papers. “Something you know nothing about,”

“Touché,” She winked. “I’d give him a call, make sure he hasn’t forgotten about you, dear. Before the cleaning staff shows up,” She laughed and sauntered out of her office, leaving you alone in the dark.

You glanced down at your phone. He hadn’t really specified a time, just-- “Tonight”. What did that even mean? Tonight. Like early evening dinner, or a midnight snack after he was done with his cases? You should probably text him. Or call him. Or text him.

TO BARBA: Heyyy….

Wait. Was three y’s too many? Wasn’t that a rule? You show affection by how many y’s you use? Is that a thing kids do these days? Wait, no you’re not a kid. And he certainly was NOT a kid. No. Be a grown up about this.

TO BARBA: Hi I’m just...checking in.

Checking in? What did that even mean? And why the ellipsis? There doesn’t need to be a pause in a text. That’s why it’s a text. You pause in your mind before typing. Idiot.

TO BARBA: What’s up?

Ok. Short and simple. To the point. No pressure, no demanding. Just... ‘checking in’. You hated yourself. Alright fine, good enough send it. SEND IT. HIT SEND NOW.

MESSAGE SENT.

Your phone shook in your trembling hand as you waited for the ellipsis of him writing back. That was too much, no no just put it back in your pocket and he’ll text you when he--

BARBA CALLING

Oh god, a phone call? Who calls people anymore? Grown ups, that’s who. Answer the phone like an adult.

“H-Hello?” You answered it as if he had the wrong number.

“Hey, Cinderella,” His smooth voice came through your earpiece. “I’m so sorry, I should have been more specific about the time,”

“Oh, yeah no-- no big deal, I’m just here at work….alone, in the dark…” You muttered the last words to yourself as you looked around the dark office.

“Right. Well, I’m kind of wrapped up in this case right now--” He started, making your heart drop. Well, Rita called it. He’s just married to his job, no time for women, let alone you. Time to just--

“....Would you hate me if I asked you to come help me?”

“...I’m sorry, what?” You blinked in confusion at your phone. So, was he actually asking you out or trying to snake you as an assistant from Rita? Is that what he meant by ‘dinner’? “Hey come bring me food and help me file these cases, because I’m so sexy and cocky and--”

“You know what, I’m so sorry I just heard how that sounded. You’ve been doing this all day, the last thing you wanna do is come--”

“Sure!” You cut him off a little loudly. What were you doing?! You’re just going to lay down and let him use your services for free? Well, when you put it that way it sounded pretty skeezy about yourself.

“....Are you sure? Because we can just have dinner another night--”

“....Yeah I have a feeling that will never happen,” You cut him off with a laugh.

“Wha--no, it will! I just--”

“Your wife comes first, I get it,” You cut him off again.

“My wife?”

“Yeah you’re married to your work,” You smirked into the phone.

“Wow, quippy Cinderella. Guess you’re more confident on the phone without my gorgeous face tripping you up now, aren’t you?”

“Do you want my help or not, Casanova?” He was totally right; without those green emeralds staring into your soul you were actually a pretty funny and smart person. Maybe it would be better to just have this date on the phone.

"Yes, absolutely," He sighed with a smile.

“Did you want me to bring food, or am I just supposed to eat paperclips and vending machine leftovers??”

“I’ll order some pizza, do you like pizza?”

“....I live in New York Barba. Obviously I like pizza,” You teased.

“Right,” He chuckled. “Well I’ll be here--”

“I know where your office is,” You cut him off for the third time.

“Oh, do you?” He asked in a sneaky tone, as if he thought you’d been googling him or something.

“Um, yeah,” Your voice fell an octave softer. “Actually I’ve been there several times, dropping off stuff from Rita for you,” Of course he wouldn’t remember that. Why would he remember that? You weren’t anything special.

“Shit,” He muttered as if chastising himself. “Y/N I’m so sorry, I--”

“It’s fine,” You assured him as you headed down to the subway. “I’m uh, I’m getting on the train so I’ll see you soon,” You hung before he could reply.

--------------

It wasn’t that far to Rafael’s office from Rita’s, just a few stops away. You quickly hurried up the stairs back into the Manhattan air as you swiftly walked through the sea of people leaving corporate America to go home to Suburbia. Finally you reached the building, went for the door and-- it was locked.

Well of course it was locked, nobody else in their right mind would be here this late-- so clearly you and Rafael were out of your minds. Shit. Should you call him? Was there a buzzer? Before you could think of another solution a pizza delivery man was walking up to you. Maybe ‘man’ was too generous, he was probably around 16 or 17.

“Delivery for Mr. Barba,” He handed you the pizza. Did you look like a “Mr. Barba” to him?!

“I um,” You stammered as the hot pizza burned the sides of your arms you were holding it on. “I’m not Mr. Barba,”

“Are you taking it to him?” He asked you with a slight attitude.

“I um,” You thought a moment. Well you were going to see him, so yes theoretically you would be taking the pizza with you to him. “...Yes,”

“That’ll be 46.57.” He whipped out a credit card scanner on his phone.

“E-Excuse me?” You were taken aback. Now Barba had you buying him dinner? And what kind of pizza costs basically 50 bucks?!

“2 Large pizzas, an order of cheesy bread, a dessert pizza and delivery fee,” The kid read off the receipt from his phone. “I only accept credit or debit cards, and please tip generously,”

“Yeah right,” You muttered with a roll of your eyes as you pulled out your credit card and swiped it across his phone. The light turned green and a receipt printed off an attachment to his phone. He ripped it off and handed it to you, then nonchalantly walked back down the stairs to wherever he was parked.

“Awesome,” You sighed. You still didn’t know how to get inside, and now you were carrying all this hot food. All of this for a pair of green eyes?!

To make matters worse, your phone started going off in your purse. You groaned and tried to put all of the boxes down softly, but the night wind blew them onto the pavement, HARD.

“Shit!” You groaned louder as you tried to salvage the food while pulling your phone from your purse. Of COURSE.

BARBA CALLING

“I can’t get in,” You simply stated as a greeting on the phone.

“What?”

“I can’t get in the building, Barba,” You grumbled, now on a 8 on the annoyance scale.

“Oh! Oh God,” The line went dead. Awesome.

After a few minutes while you were trying to rebalance all of the boxes in your arms, one of the big glass doors swung open right into you. The boxes all pressed against you, their hot, saucy, cheesy and chocolatey goodness smearing all over your work outfit.

“SHIT!!!!!!” You screamed in horror.

“Oh my god, Oh god Y/N I am SO--” Rafael started to apologize profusely, but you noticed he was trying his best not to burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry, do you think this is funny?!” You asked angrily while you peeled a pepperoni from your hair.

“No, not at all,” He shook his head vigorously, but kept giggling behind his eyes.

“You do!” You stomped your heel, causing marinara to roll down your legs. “You are absolutely laughing at me being covered in all of your stupid food that I had to pay for by the way--”

“Oh no, really?” He suddenly turned sincere.

“No, Rafael,” You scoffed as you tried pulling cheese from your skirt. “I just had sex with him in the parking lot and we called it square,”

“Really--?!”

“NO NOT REALLY!”

“Okay! Okay I’m sorry, really I am,” Rafael tried to show you sympathy, but you looked so damn cute covered in a tasty meal.

“Yeah I can see that, you’re grinning like a five year old,” You rolled your eyes.

“I’m sorry, Y/N I really am,” He gave up trying to hide a laugh. “But you have to admit it’s pretty funny--”

“I DON’T THINK--” You started to scream at him again, but his smile made these cute little crinkles in his eyes, and his laugh was like an angel’s chorus. You might have been covered in food, but you would be covered in manure if it made him laugh like that.

“For what it’s worth, you look delicious,” He teased you, pulling an actual full piece of pizza from your chest and biting it.

“Oh my god, you’re so gross,” You did your best not to laugh, you were still supposed to be angry.

“Yum, Y/N flavor, my favorite,” He laughed for a moment just as you both realized what he had said. “Uh, I mean--” He looked away in embarrassment, and you swear you saw his face flush red.

“Um no counselor,” You bit your lip with a smile. “I’m pretty sure I taste better than a mix of pizza sauce and chocolate,”

“I’m sure you do,” Rafael bravely retorted, now that he knew you were in the playing mood.

“....But seriously, now I have to go home and get this shit off--”

“I have a shower in my office,” He blurted out.

“....Excuse me?” You blinked, not believing you heard him right.

“I...I have a shower in my office,”

“Oh my god, Rafael Barba are you that addicted to work that you live here?”

“No!” He rolled his eyes. “It’s for emergencies,”

“Emergencies? Like what?”

“Like a beautiful woman covered in pizza toppings and chocolate,” He smirked. “Now come on, I don’t want anyone around here thinking I’m dating a crazy person,” He opened the glass doors again and escorted you into the lobby of the building.

Your mind didn’t know what to focus on first; the fact that he had this mysterious office shower, that he had offered for you to use said shower, or the fact that he just referred to you as a ‘woman he was dating’. You just followed him silently into his office with a smitten grin on your face.

He wasn’t lying when he was in the ‘middle’ of something. Papers were strewn all about his desk, a white board with bullet points for arguments and cross examinations scribbled on it. You finally got a good look at him without the anger of having food all over your judgement. He looked tired, not the usual smooth and pristine Rafael Barba you were used to. But when he looked back at you to show you where his shower was, his green eyes sparkled gazing into yours.

“So, I have some spare suits in a closet here, would you mind hanging out in one of my dress shirts while I wash...these?” He gestured to your dirty clothes. Wait, wash?

You suddenly realized he had led you into a secret room to the side of his office, behind a bookcase.

“Wha…” You looked around the room. There was a shower, a wardrobe, a washer/dryer combo, and a suit steamer. “Jesus Barba, are you sure you don’t live here?”

“No I promise I don’t,” He shook his head with a laugh. “...But I may have on occasion fallen asleep here enough to invest in this,”

“And what happens when this office is passed on to a new ADA?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Then I’m sealing this place off like a mausoleum,” He stated very seriously, causing you to giggle. He loved your giggle, it was so small and soft, just like you.

“Anyway,” He shook off his momentary daze at your giggle hoping you didn’t notice. “Like I said-- Shower, dress shirt. Just put your dirty clothes in the washer and we’ll pop them in the dryer later,”

“Right,” You nodded, definitely having noticed his dreamy stare at your giggle. How had you gone from completely under his radar to making him giddy like a school boy in two days?

“Right,” He nodded back. “I’ll just be out here...ordering another pizza,” He smirked. “By the way, I’ll totally reimburse you for the one you’re wearing,” He stuck his tongue out at you with a huge grin.

“Oh you better,” You gave him the same face back. “Or I’ll cover you in it,” You lightly pressed a marinara sauce covered finger into his perfectly white dress shirt. He glanced down at it in horror.

“Oh that was so--” He started to tickle and attack you, but realized that would only make his outfit dirtier. “This isn’t over,” He wagged a finger at you as he pointed you to the shower. You gave him one last cheeky smile as he walked out and shut the door to his secret room.

What was happening? Why were you getting to him so easily, so fast? How could he have not even remembered that he had ‘met’ you several times? Well, one thing was for sure. He was never going to forget this night.

[flowerbeom]

Double Pepperoni | LJB

Part of The Pleasure Chest | A GOT7 Cringe Collaboration

Lim Jaebeom x Female!Reader Genre: College AU, Crackhead Comedy Smut Rating: Mature. So very mature. Warnings: Bad puns, Swearing & Explicit smut scenes. Word Count: 4k

Concept:  to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass, its me. your best friend. or what’s left of her. remember that kinda hot but kinda gross pizza delivery guy? the one with the nose ring and always smelt of cheetos? yeh, he’s looking less gross these days. what?! don’t judge me. desperate times call for desperate measures. it has been 154 days since i’ve had sex. shit’s dire here man.

A/N: If you lean into how bad this is purposefully meant to be, you’ll really enjoy it. 

All GIF credits for this series go to @defsenses.

Day 97 

📧 to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass!  yes my phone is still broken, and i have no idea when im going to get a new one cause im broke from visiting you in another goddamn country - so just suck it up and reply to my emails like the good best friend you are.  fuck i miss you already! why the hell did you have to be smart and shit and get into that international program and go to college in Seoul of all places!  do you know how far away that is?! 16 hours cassandra! 16 fucking hours on a plane with no leg room, subpar food and a middle aged balding man snoring next to you the entire time so you get no sleep on a 16 hour flight AWAY FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND.  it was really good to see you though, can you thank mrs kim again for me - you really struck gold with that housing sitch you got - especially your roommate! that fine ass college freshman you DID NOT allow me to fuck!  yeh yeh whatever, i get it - how the hell are you meant to look mrs kim in the eye again when your childhood best friend who you talked up to be an angel fucked her only son on the fold out couch. yes i get it, stop rolling your eyes at me.  either way, its still the dry season down here. miss you, love you. bye. 

It’s funny how jet lag after coming home from a holiday feels almost identical to a hangover; it’s a painful reminder that something that was quite enjoyable is over. The headache feels almost the same, along with the cotton mouth, hunger, dehydration and utter disappointment and resentful emptiness that the fun you were having is completely done - but only one makes you hurl your guts out at the smell of orange juice. Condolences to those who are unlucky enough to hurl in both instances. 

Either way, that’s where you found yourself - Thursday night, half unpacked suitcase lay in the middle of your living room, eyes bloodshot and staring blankly at the television; an all consuming headache pounding between your temples. Lucky for you, you knew a sure fire way to get rid of it without painkillers. Insert Mr. Pene Falso. No literally, insert it. You didn’t call your vibrator Fake Penis in Spanish not to insert it. And in case anyone hasn’t caught on yet, an orgasm legitimately helps get rid of a headache. Try it next time. 

As ever, positioning is important - preparation is key. Sweatpants pushed down to your ankles, one leg completely fished out. Sideways lean, cushion under one elbow, completely bare leg propped up onto the couch; allow for maximum spread when those pre-orgasm hip rolls start. Set Mr. Pene Falso on one, there is no need to go hard straight away - ease into the session, let the endorphins build. You have been deprived of a real penis for a while, so you know you’re eager; but a little self control will yield the most delicious of results. 

You will run the long race to Destination Stimulation and you will bite that bottom lip as your eyes roll back into their sockets as your long awaited, slow built, easy increase of settings on Mr. Pene Falso brings home the most delectable of orgams. It will not be a dry night, no sir. So lower that beautiful vibrating, bright pink silicone wand onto your clit-- 

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK 

Who the fuck..? Your eyes snapped to the front door, your hand clenched around your vibrator just millimetres away from your clit. A small loosening of your grip dropped the angle and the tip of your vibrator dipped against your clit, sending shockwaves through your body. A gravely moan escaped you; your focus immediately brought back to the task at hand. Literally. 

Ignore it, it’s probably no one important. That’s what you told yourself, shaking your head and leaning back against the couch once again. You licked your bottom lip at the enticing notion of self-induced euphoria. Spreading your legs further than before, you corrected your grip and pushed Mr. Pene Falso into you. Your head dropped back involuntarily, your teeth marked your bottom lip and those pre-orgasm hip rolls started slowly. It felt devine, finally some release; a little bit of pleasu--

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK 

“Who the fuck?!” 

“Pal’s Pizza!” 

Tossing Mr. Pene Falso aside, you yanked on your sweatpants, wiped the one bead of sweat off your brow and stampeded to your door. 

“You got the wrong house, buddy!” Ripping it open, your rage was greeted with a face you had not seen in a long time. Your eyes blew wide, as the eyes of the man before you narrowed; complimenting the smirk etching across his face. The ever familiar smell of cheetos, weed and pepperoni of years passed filled your nostrils and nostalgia wasn’t a word you wanted to use in that instance, but repressed memories were being dug up nevertheless. 

A few moments of stone-cold silence passed before a subtle hum started to invade your auditory peripherals. Leaving your eye-line, Mr. Pal’s Pizza leaned sideways, throwing his smirk into the apartment behind you and directly onto the bright pink silicone wand still vibrating on your couch. All colour drained from your obviously stiffened face. 

He scoffed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your alone time. Mind if I join you instead?” 

Day 106

📧 to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass did you know that there’s a woman in Georgia, who due to a rare disorder, experiences hundreds of orgasms a day? she’s just persistently aroused and will climax any time, anywhere - even in the most obscure of places. whereas I cannot even have one, in my own goddamn apartment.  because you will never guess who delivered a pizza to the wrong house last week. Crusty Jae. Yyu heard me. Fucking Lim Jaebeom from high school! Who by the way, still looks like a tryhard 2006 Skaterboi with his stupidly baggy jeans, Stussy t-shirt and bad haircut - or lack thereof who fucking knows.  AND he still smells like damp. No no, he doesn’t smell damp. He smells like damp. Like the idea of damp. but istg i could still cut myself on that jawline of his. and come to think of it, I haven’t had pizza in ages.  miss you. love you, bye. 

Day 114 

“Seriously dude, you need to stop ‘delivering pizza to the wrong house’. It’s getting pathetic.” You feigned irritation despite taking the box out of Jaebeom’s outstretched hand.

“Bruh, I am not. The guy’s next door never answered. So you--” He shook back his overgrown fringe and shifted all his weight back, angling his pelvis towards you. His eyes traipsed up and down your frame, saliva clearly pooling under his tongue. “-- get a free pizza delivered by this handsome mug.” 

You didn’t even try to bury the scoff that escaped you as Jaebeom dug two thumbs into his chest; a pungent smugness wafting from his stained Pal’s Pizza t-shirt. You practically laughed in his face. Yet he didn’t waver. 

“You’re still the same overconfident creep from highschool, Jae.” Jaebeom faked offense, a hand slapped on his heart - leaving a faint damp hand print. 

“And I still managed to nab all the ladies.” Sliding his tongue over his top teeth, he winked and you almost gagged. The fact that Crusty Jae, the school’s resident stoner, managed to have the highest body count by graduation is something that still baffled you. Something must have been seriously wrong with the girls who let that inside them. There were rumours of course, but you weren’t willing to explore any of them to prove if fact or not. 

Lifting the lid, you inhaled a glorious whiff of mozzarella and pepperoni but caught Jaebeom scratching his head from the corner of your eye; little flecks of dead skin floated to the ground and you couldn’t help but focus on the flakes of what looked like parmesan on the top of your pizza. Horror ensued, visible in the quiver in your voice. 

“You.. you don’t make the pizzas do you?” 

Jaebeom smirked, and ran a clammy hand through his greasy hair. 

“Nuh babe, I just deliver them.” He punctuated his statement with a wink and pucker of his lips. You were not comforted and turned away before he could see the grimace on your face. You dropped the pizza box onto your couch and fished a twenty-dollar-bill from your wallet and returned to the door to slap it into Jaebeom’s hand. 

“Nuh baby, it’s free.” He insisted with a stupid slanted grin. You shook your head, pushing the money harder into his hand and away from your door. 

“Keep the change.”

“Damn, thanks for the tip.” He smiled softly. Maybe he isn’t so much of a creep anymore. 

“Want a taste of mine?” 

You couldn’t have slammed the door in his face any harder.  

Day 129 

European. What about Lebanese? Kirby? No, too short. Continental? Way too long. But then again Kirby cucumbers have girth, and it’s not all about length. It’s how you use it. Would you go raw? Or would you wrap it? How sturdy are Kirby cucumbers? You’d obviously have to wash it first. Oh shit, could they poison you if it smooshes up while inside you? No, well you eat them so they can’t be too dangerous. How much lubrication would you need? 

“Little to none if you’re warmed up enough.” 

Cutting off your mental ramblings and ripping you back into reality, your head snapped towards the voice. Jaebeom’s voice. Of course it had to be Jaebeom. Why is he suddenly everywhere? 

“Excuse me, what?!” 

“Lubrication. You wouldn’t need any if you’re warmed up. Cucumbers just slide right in.” He said with total confidence as if speaking from absolute experience. If anything, the pompous smile was enough to tell you what he was saying was true. You tried to swallow and gasp at the same time, causing you to start choking in the grocery store. 

“Wh-wait-what, I was saying all of that out loud?!” You prayed it didn’t say all of it out loud. 

Are you really that delirious from lack of sex that your pathetically curious and completely comedic wonderings about cucumbers as dildos was said out loud in the grocery store?! Have you become that incapable of controlling yourself that you can’t even keep being a horny bitch on the inside?! Must you zone out in full stereo?! 

Jaebeom giggled. 

“Maybe. I heard from about ‘What about Lebanese?’.”

You froze, the hand gripping your shopping basket growing dangerously limp.

“So pretty much all of it.” Jaebeom laughed again and reached across you to pick up the thickest Kirby cucumber from the pile and dropped it into your basket. 

“Think of me.”

“What!?” 

His smirk thawed you completely, leaving you standing in a lukewarm puddle of distaste. “Later babe.” 

Seriously, you needed to find every girl who fucked him in highschool and just ask them “WHY?!” 

Day 147

📧 to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass he ran out of battery I have no spares I live in a wasteland of despair miss you love you bye

Day 165

ring-ring-ring

“Pal’s Pizza, can I take your order?” 

“Hey Jae, it’s me. The usual please.” 

“Stuffed Crust?” 

“No thanks.” 

“No probs. How about I stuff you?”

“Bye.” 

“See you in twenty minutes!” 

Day 167 

📧 to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass I think I’m living in a permanent fever dream today in my tech drawing class my professor told me if I lick the tip I’ll get better results so I asked him, if i let him lick my tip would I get extra credit? HE MEANT MY PENCIL CASSANDRA, HE MEANT TO LICK THE TIP OF MY PENCIL SO I GET THICKER LINES what the fuck is wrong with me?!  oh I know.  it has been 167 days since I’ve had sex ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN DAYS and Mr Pene Falso still does not have new batteries.  miss you love you bye

Day 175

You had never felt more accomplished in your life. In one hand rested your brand new phone, shiny and in-built with all the things to keep your easily distracted brain entertained. No longer did you have to make calls from the decrepit pay phone outside your apartment building. No longer did you have to sit on buses and pretend to like reading. No, you were reunited with the technology of your generation and you were ecstatic. Full time college and part time employment didn’t always meet the needs of your demanding lifestyle, but you saved enough to finally get a brand new phone.

And in the other hand lay two beautiful AA batteries. You know perfectly well what they were for. You were equally as ecstatic. But for some reason there was one person you wanted to talk to about it. 

Your fingers dialed the number almost on their own; muscle memory taking over. It rang six times. 

“Hello?”

“CASS!” So excited to hear your best friend’s voice you tripped on the corner of your rug; your body colliding with the couch. 

“Holy shit, you finally got a phone. Took you long enough.” 

“Shut up, I’ve been busy.” Rubbing the part of your shoulder that managed to miss abundant cushioning on the couch and hit the tiny piece of wooden framework beneath it all. 

“Sure. Busy trying to get yourself off every chance you get.” 

The fingers trying to unscrew the bottom of your vibrator halted; your bottom lip folded between your teeth - a pout formed in your silence. 

“I--” Lost for words you resumed unscrewing the cap, placing one battery into each slot. 

“You’re probably gonna go masturbate after you get off this call.” 

The last battery dropped in with a clang, albeit muffled by Cass’s muffled laughter. 

“You know I’m messing with you right?”

“..Yes.” 

“Good. So how’s Crusty Jae?” She continued to laugh as you groaned.

“Dude, can you please explain how he managed to pull so much in high school?! Please! Am I the only one who doesn’t get it?!” Suddenly incredibly frustrated, you screwed on the vibrator cap with so much gusto that your grip accidentally turned it on; the abrupt buzzing ripping out a quiet yelp. 

“You know his nickname used to be Double Pepperoni.” You scoffed so hard, you felt it in your ribs. “Nuh apparently he was packing.”

“What? Like what, like he always had slices stuffed in his pockets?”

“No, like p-a-c-k-i-n-g.” 

“I highly doubt that flat-ass McGee is huge.” You smirked while Cass tried to stop herself from choking on laughter. “And even if he was, dude, I still don’t understand how that seemingly unhygienic mess can score so much.” 

“Bro, I don’t know either. But from all the girls I’ve ever talked to about him, they all say that whatever he did to seduce them or whatever - their reactions were purely carnal.” You made a pathetic noise, like a dying car horn to highlight your skepticism. “Like apparently, he would do something or they would see him do something and they’d just snap. Fuck him once, have a great time but then refuse to ever bring it up again. Except to me.. Cause after all, it was Crusty Jae.. But that’s beside the point.”

“They’d just ‘snap’?” 

“Yup. Like a fresh green bean.”

“Weird metaphor.” 

“But you got it.”

“Sadly. I’m going to go now.” 

“Happy Orgasm!” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Miss you.”

“Love you.”

“Bye!” 

From putting down one electronic device to picking up the other, you settled into the couch cushions with Mr Pene Falso in hand - recharged and ready to go. Yes, you were obviously going to prove your best friend painfully correct by getting off as soon as you hung up that call, but honestly - fuck it. You deserved it. 

Remember, preparation is key. Sweatpants pushed down your ankles, one leg completely bare. Hair pulled up into an overeager and messy as ever bun. Sideways lean. Mr Pene Falso, setting one. 

It’s not meant to be pretty, the faces you pull while masturbating. And the sounds one makes, equally as carnal. But who the fuck cares. You’re doing this for you. And as those pre-orgasm hip rolls get more and more intense as your clit is vibrated right down to Destination Stimulation, you moan in pleasure for you know you are finally getting what you’ve wanted for so lon-- 

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK 

“Hey it’s me!” Your head snapped so fast to the door it cracked every bone in your neck. 

“Jae!?” 

“Yeh, can I come in please?”

“Oh come on, what the fuck!?” Fury swallowed you whole, Mr Pene Falso slamming into the ground in a fit of rage. “What do you fucking want, Jaebeom?!” 

“Please, I need--” Jerking your pants back on, you charged at the door; ripping it open. 

“Need what?!”

“-- to use your bathroom.” Sheepish eyes met your own; blown wide and shaking. Jaebeom stood before you, pizza delivery bag hung loosely in his hand; completely soaked from head to toe. 

“Sorry, it’s fucking pouring outside and I delivered next door and I just want to dry off a little, that cool?” 

His usually loose shirt clung to his body, every inch of his torso outlined. His hair, normally shaggy and overgrown, was completely pushed back off his face; slick and saturated to show every carved line of his face. Was his eyes always this piercing? Or was it only because it was in context with the rest of his beautiful face? 

“So..?” Jaebeom reeled you back from your slow descent and you shook it off violently. 

“Uhh yeh, that-that way.” Throwing a thumb over your shoulder to show him the way, Jaebeom slinked past you; a marginal waft of damp weed followed behind. 

What has gotten into you? This is Crusty Jae we’re talking about here. You are not meant to find him attractive. Nothing about him is meant to be attractive. But there you were - standing in your hallway, dumbfounded as you watched Jaebeom take off his shirt and wring it into your sink. You tried to tear your eyes away from how broad his shoulders were, or how all the muscles around his waist tensed as he squeezed all the water out of his shirt. You couldn’t even fight off the shiver that crawled down your spine when you watched his triceps flex when he pushed his hair off his face. You swallowed hard when that shiver landed right between your legs. 

“Like apparently, he would do something or they would see him do something and they’d just snap.” 

He didn’t see you come up behind him but he felt the hand you placed in the middle of his back. Turning to face you, his eyes were as dark as yours were crazed.  

“Sup.” His cheeto breath didn’t deter you.  

“You’re a pal, right?” You swore you couldn’t sound any more desperate. 

“Says so on my shirt.” You couldn’t quite figure out if it was Chipotle or Flamin’ Hot cheetos. But it wasn’t the time or the place. You had needs. 

“Be a pal then.” Jaebeom quirked a lewd and curious brow. “Get me off.” 

The speed of which he had his hands under your arms and lifting you onto the benchtop was frighteningly fast. Your shirt was pulled hastily over your head and thrown aside, your pants were torn down your legs equally as fast. You had no time to question, no time to doubt - not when Jaebeom’s mouth was on yours, his tongue rolling over your teeth as if searching for hidden cheetos in your cheeks. But with the way his thumb circled over your clit through your underwear, you weren’t going to complain. Go on, fish for those cheetos baby. 

Through wet and messy kisses, your hands tracked down his chest; stopping at his belt buckle. Of course, you thought, it was one of those snap closure canvas belts - ridiculously too long and matched his ridiculously baggy jeans. Nevertheless, you snapped open the buckle, fished it out of the loops and his pants fell instantly to the ground. 

Jaebeom broke away from your mouth, leaning back to make room for his hands to pull off your underwear; just to have his lips crash back into yours the moment the lace garment hit the floor. 

“Conmg-do. Cone--. Con-” You mumbled against his mouth. Strong hands pushed against his chest; disappointed eyes flashed for a moment, before turning devious at the sight of your naked breasts. 

“Condom.” He nodded and you swung around to grab one from the medicine cabinet. Rounding back to face him, you saw his underwear was on the ground, his very erect penis greeting you fully. Double Pepperoni…  

He ripped the wrapper open with his teeth, slid the condom expertly onto his length and caged you against the mirror in one fluid movement. He waited, paused for effect if you will and you weren’t having any of it. One hand scratched into his hair, the other pulled on the chain around his neck.

“Oh, you want me to stuff you do you?” Said with total hubris. 

“Like cheesy crust.” Who have you become?! 

Jabeom’s heavy hands found themselves on your hips, pulling you down onto his dick. He filled you wholly, deliciously; throbbing against your walls so achingly good that you didn’t even care that you could feel crumbs of garlic bread that did not belong to you in your mouth. 

He pounded you roughly; each thrust making you bounce on your porcelain sink. His hair, still wet, dripped onto your shoulder and down your back as his teeth marked your neck. Your bathroom began to fill with lewd and erotic noises, squelches and squeaks of wet flesh against wet flesh and some against hard surfaces. 

Jaebeom snapped his hips harder and harder into you, moans tumbled from your mouth as the orgasm you have craved for finally rounded the horizon. He was merciless, relentless, completely determined to drive you home. 

You yanked harder on the fist full of hair in your hand, ripping a loud and gravely groan from Jaebeom. Not one to be upstaged, Jaebeom shoved his hand into your hair, tangling his fingers into your bun and pulling down to expose more of your neck to him. His pace had not slowed down at all. 

He marked your neck, sucking and biting on your flesh so gloriously that you began to mewl - high pitched and needy, and it’s what sent Jaebeom over the edge. His hips snapped harder, forcing his dick deep into you; hitting spots you had forgotten about completely. 

Different colours were flashing behind your eyelids and you were close, so close. 

And as Jaebeom neared climax, he tore his hand out of your hair. Though in his earlier fervour, got so much of it tangled around his fingers and stuck under his ring, that your whole body was torn sideways and off the bench. 

Landing on the floor, shocked eyes watched Jaebeom ejaculate all over your sink as your own orgasm retreated away; shrivelling up into dust and blown away in the wind - his hand still stuck in your hair. How the fuck, wasn’t he wearing a condom, you thought, only for you to reach down and find it stuck inside your vagina, half hanging out. There was literally nowhere lower you could go. This, this is rock bottom. 

“Haha, holy fuck. Sorry babe.” Jaebeom leaned down and carefully untangled his fingers out of your hair. Towels were passed around for hygiene purposes and you almost vomited when you saw cheeto crumbs wedged between Jaebeom’s butt-cheeks. 

You weren’t really sure what happened after. You think Jaebeom said something crass. Or maybe he said thank you. In a crass way. Either way, he eventually left and the two hour shower you took still didn’t make you feel clean. Especially not after finding a half-dried pearl of cum on your toothbrush. 

But there was one thing you knew for sure. You totally snapped. 

Day 0

📧 to: cassandra.l@unisk.edu.com hey cass in the interest of our friendship and for the purposes of full transparency it has been 1 day since ive had sex and we will never speak of it again

[frostedfaves]

First Date

Masterlist

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Requested by @imnotasuperhero: I guess you want romance request?? Make it Steve and reader's first date that turn out a disaster 😂😂😂 Nothing like fluff and crack. ✨💕

warnings: brief vomiting at the end

A/N: this didn’t turn out to be the complete crack!fic I was going to go for but it is full of that tooth rotting fluff I promised @creepingwolfberry so...basically what I’m saying is you’re welcome lmao. also this took forever to write but I’m glad I got it out before Halloween!

-

You’re going on a date with Captain America. A date with Steve “I’ve been frozen for seven decades” Rogers. You find yourself wondering if this was a good idea, taking on a romantic role with a man who was so out of place in the current world. Then you remember the way his muscles subtly flexed under his tight shirt and the soft yet anxious expression as he waited for your response and yeah. This is going to be great.

Steve had invited you to be his date at a Halloween party/dance, and knowing it was his first time celebrating the holiday in the modern world, you wanted it to be a good one. You’d done one last check of your costume in the mirror just as your apartment buzzer went off. After confirming it was your date, you quickly ran to get your phone to slip into one of the pockets of your white dress, running back to the door when you heard a knock.

“Hey!” Steve greeted you as soon as he saw you, his eyes wandering over your body. “You look...much different than the last time I saw you, but still amazing.”

“Thanks! Jennifer’s Body,” you gestured to yourself in a flustered fashion. “I decided to go with her look earlier in the night, because I knew I wouldn’t feel like scrubbing off fake blood later.”

“Sounds gory.”

“Yeah,” you laughed, a frown settling on your features as you took in his long sleeved black tee and black pants. “You look almost the same. Where’s your costume?”

“Oh, in the trunk. It’s hard to drive with it on. So, are you ready to go?”

You nodded and he stepped back into the hallway as you came out, waiting until your door was locked to offer an arm to you. He walked you down to an impressive car that seemed not at all his style, opening the door for you with a charming smile before getting in the driver’s side.

“I apologize if I seem a little awkward tonight. This is my first date in quite some time, and I still have some things to figure out.” He breaks the silence at the first red light you come across, and you meet his eyes with a smile.

“That’s okay, Steve. If I’m being honest, I still have things to figure out myself.”

His shoulders seemed to relax a bit, his fingers loosening their grip on the steering wheel, and you couldn’t help but cheer yourself on a bit in your mind. Oh yeah, this is going great.

-

You were arriving about an hour after the event started, but were able to find a pretty decent parking spot. Steve asked you to wait while he jogged adorably around the car to open your door again, and you thanked him with a kiss on the cheek to see a pretty blush spread across his pale cheeks. You busied yourself with making sure your phone was silenced to avoid any date disruptions, turning back to Steve when you heard the trunk close.

“Are you ready to--oh my god.”

A laugh was spilling out of you before you could stop it, only getting louder the longer you looked at his costume addition, to the point where tears were threatening to break free. You felt bad for laughing when you noticed his confusion, but you couldn’t help it.

Steve was dressed as a Dorito.

“I’m so--I’m sorry,” you managed, gasping for air as you came down from the humor. “I’ve just never seen something so accurate.”

“What do you mean?” he questioned curiously, and you fought the urge to laugh again. “Sam said this was my best option, a costume that you would love to see me in.”

“Well, he wasn’t wrong. Look.” You did a quick Google search and handed your phone to Steve. “You’re a tortilla chip, babe.”

Your light chuckles died down as you realized Steve was completely silent, and you looked up to see a shy smile directed at you, framed by his rosy cheeks.

“What?”

“Nothing, sorry.” He cleared his throat loudly as he gave your phone back, blushing even more when his hand touched yours. “I’ve never been called ‘babe’ before and I don’t know if it was because it came from you, but I really liked it.”

“Oh.” You busied yourself with tucking your phone away again, too shy to meet his eyes, but you quickly turned back when you noticed him adjusting the chip. “What are you doing?”

“Taking this off. I don’t want to be laughed at when we get in there.”

“You’re Captain America! You could easily break all of them in half. Besides…” Your hands covered his as you helped get his chip back in place over his torso. “It’d be weird to show up to a costume party with no costume.”

-

“Okay.” You stood up from the table with a grin, holding your hand out to Steve. “Let’s get out there.”

Steve took your hand as he stood, eyes nervously flickering over to the crowd for a second. “Full disclosure, I don’t know how to dance.”

“Why did you offer to take me to a dance if you don’t know how?” you asked with a lightly teasing smile.

“I never got the chance to before. Thought it would be nice to try.”

“Alright, let’s try.”

You pulled him into the crowd, picking a busy area so he didn’t feel too on-the-spot, but leaving enough room to avoid poking anyone in the eye with his costume. You’d come out in the middle of a slow song which he did well with, but the real challenge came with the faster songs.

“Ouch!” you cried out as Steve stepped on your foot for the third time in two minutes, followed by red cheeks and rushed apologies.

“I feel like we should stop. I keep hurting you.”

“We definitely should,” you huffed lightly as you adjusted your sore toes in your shoe. “But I’m determined to teach you some form of rhythm in the near future, Rogers.”

“Deal,” he laughs. “Are you hungry? I was thinking maybe we could find a quieter place to sit, somewhere I can get to know you without injuring you even more.”

You agreed, and the two of you set out to find a place that was still open for dine-in. You discovered a small hole-in-the-wall pizza place, ordering a personal size of your favorite and a large pepperoni and sausage for Steve.

“So,” you began when your server dropped the food off. “What would you like to know about me?”

“Everything, but that’s a lot to ask on the first date.” He laughs again, and you can’t help but smile at the way his eyes light up because of it. “So how about we start here...what makes you happy?”

“Wow, okay.”

“If it’s too invasive--”

“No, no!” You chuckled a bit. “Just didn’t think you were gonna go all Dr. Phil with it.”

“Dr. Phil?”

“I’ll send you some links, don’t worry,” you promised, taking a sip of your drink and clearing your throat. “In the meantime, let’s get deep!”

The two of you talked, laughed and ate the rest of your pizza until the restaurant started closing, and you were forced to walk back to Steve’s car. You watched him with an amused smile as he put his Dorito back in the trunk, becoming a bit shy again when he opened the car door for you. You were back in front of your apartment building in no time, way too soon for both of you.

“Thanks for taking me out tonight. I had fun, even though you tried to crush my feet,” you joked, grateful that he laughed along.

“I’m still very sorry about that, but I appreciate you sticking around anyway. Maybe our next date can be a dance class.”

“Are you saying you want to see me again, Rogers?” you teased, leaning in and gripping the front of his shirt to pull him toward you.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying” left his lips in a mumble as he placed a hand on your hip and closed the distance between you.

The kiss was everything you expected it to be, pleasant with you in the lead because Steve was still figuring it out as he went along. When you finally pulled away, you had one arm around his neck and both of his were framing your waist. You grinned at him, just about to make some sarcastic comment when you felt a hot, painful ball in your stomach quickly moving upward.

“Oh no” was the last thing Steve heard before you ripped yourself out of his grasp, turning to vomit on the ground behind you.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks as soon as you finish, handing you a napkin he’d quickly dug for in the glove compartment, and you wiped your face clean with a grimace.

“Next time, I’m picking the restaurant.”

-

Tags: @littlegasps

[remmushound]

Birds of Prey

Pete waddled happily across the rooftop with no true destination in his mind, but he sure did love to waddle! Especially at night when he was less likely to be yelled at and could find all sorts of goodies lying around! He hoped and hoped with all his heart to find bread on his nightly journey, be it stale or fresh he’d eat it all the same. As long as it filled his belly and tasted good, he’d gobble it down.

He gave a curious coo and stopped with his foot still raised mid-step, tilting his head farther than any human could hope to achieve when he heard the strange sound of chewing. Not chewing like a human would, but more like some starved animal that had just found its first meal in days. Whatever it was, it sounded like the animal— or animals— were definitely enjoying themselves. Pete couldn’t help but wonder if he could steal a few scraps, if there were any left.

He followed the sound a few buildings down until he found the source of the frenzied scarfing and peered down to get a look at who it was. Maybe one of his friends! But no— he didn't know these mutants. They sure were big though! Two of them, one bigger than the other but both of them a lot bigger than Pete was. One was fat and hairy with a big gut, but big muscles too; he had a bright purple mohawk that Pete couldn’t help but stare at and the spikey black and orange outfits he wore were so vibrant too! The bigger one had no furs or feathers that Pete could see, but he shared the same jiggly belly as his comrade and two large horns on his nose that Pete was ever so curious about.

New friends, maybe? New friends with food! Both of them held a massive disk of bread covered in cheesies and pepperonis and all sorts of greens that Pete couldn’t recognize, and beside them was a broken and bent two-wheel car that Pete sometimes saw those strange humans riding in the day. Stacking beside it were more boxes, some empty but others with more of the yummy-smelling bread disks! Pete wondered if they wouldn’t mind sharing.

***

Bebop and Rocksteady were having the time of their lives, howling through the night with their mouths full of stolen pizza. They were still reliving the hilarity of the pizza boy's expression when his bike got picked up and folded like a pretzel, and how he had nearly wet himself screaming for his mommy. Bebop was on his fifth pizza, scarfing out down like there was no tomorrow, when he heard a strange rush of air that made his ears give a curious twitch.

“Hey Rocky, what’s that?”

Rocksteady swiped his tongue over his lips as his gray eyes searched around to find what Bebop was talking about. He had heard the rush of air too but had given it little mind since eating his share was more important to him at the moment. Looking down, he finally found just what it was that his boyfriend had been talking about.

The creature was pathetically small compared to them, with a dopey little smile on his face and eyes that seemed to bulge out of the sides of his head. A little gray pigeon, from what little Rocksteady could tell, with a vibrant chest of blue and purple and a hopeful look in his eyes. He wore tiger-striped boxers and a watermelon-colored fanny back on his side, a pin that read ‘CUPID’ locked onto the belt. Apart from that, the only other accessory he had was a space-patterned sash that held various bottles, some filled with soda or other beverages, and some filled with shiny rocks and other tiny and shiny things.

“HI I’M PETE!” The mutant said in an obnoxiously loud voice. His tongue was hanging out of his beak between uneven sets of teeth and, though he often corrected it, his tongue just kept falling back out again. “I like your bread disks! Can I have some?”

He didn't wait for a response before he went to try and peck at the cheese dripping down Bebop’s fingers, catching some of the warthog's fur. Bebop gave a squeal out of surprise more than pain and then snorted his anger.

“Oh, I know you didn't just do that!” Bebop pulled his lips back in a snarl.

Pete frowned and tilted his head. “I… I’ll trade you some soda pop for em?”

Pete reached into his belt and pulled out a half-drunk bottle of Pepsi, offering it gladly to the mutants. Bebop snatched it from Pete’s claws and bit into the plastic, sucking down the drink in two solid gulps before tossing the empty bottle back at Pete. Pete gave a startled squeak and stepped back to try and avoid the hit, then gave an excited bounce between his feet and opened his mouth for the promise of pizza.

Rocksteady reached down and grabbed Pete by the neck, hoisting him up and laughing as the pigeon started to screech.

“Hi Pete. I’m Rocksteady. And you ain’t getting non’ma food!”

Pete gulped. Rocksteady pulled his arm back, still holding Pete tightly, and launched the helpless mutant clear across the alley. Pete landed hard, bouncing a few times and luckily managing to land unsteadily on his feet and he tried to take off into flight.

“Aww, don’t go yet, little Petey!” Bebop grabbed Pete by his ankles and yanked him back down, purposely knocking his head against the ground before dragging Pete back into the alley. “We just getting started!”

***

It was almost halfway into her rounds and Pete still hadn’t come to visit her— she hadn’t even seen the hapless creature bumbling about like he often did. She tried to tell herself that it was nothing, and that the kid had probably just eaten himself into a food coma somewhere, but the pit in her chest made her think otherwise. Hobs always told her never to fly lower than the clouds— that would increase her chances of being spotted by any late-night humans below— but she couldn’t help it. So she dipped down lower than the clouds and let the sharpness of her eyes scan the buildings and alleys below.

The lights of the city were almost blinding to her sensitive eyes, and so the white film came over her to block out the brunt of the unnatural brightness. That certainly made it a lot easier for her to see the scenes happening below her, able to make out the smallest of details even hundreds of feet below. She could see quite a few drug dealing going down between both mutant and human, but she didn't care. Let them have their fun— it was none of her business! She could see drunk men and women stumbling home or into their cars from late nights at the bar. She could see those four turtle brothers hanging around, doing whatever it is they do. It was of no concern to her that night— as long as they stayed far away from her. A moment of thought passed through her considering if they could have done something to her annoying friend, but she quickly brushed past it. The turtles absolutely adored Pete, often leaving their pizza scraps for him to find so he’d always have something to fill his belly. They would never hurt the careless creature.

Her eyes continued to search for several more minutes until they locked on a scuffle in an alleyway. She looked even closer and dove lower to made out the details. It wasn’t like Pete to get in a physical altercation with anyone, but it was better to be safe when it came to the safety of the mutant pigeon. What she found were a pair of two brutish mutants laughing as they help down a tiny mutant with very little effort on their part, guffawing as the mutant flapped his wings desperately in an attempt to escape.

“Pete…”

She started to circle in the sky, watching the every move of those monsters as they terrorized her friend. Her friend! And she couldn’t be more furious. She tucked her wings in tight for a sudden dive, then started to circle the alleyway more closely. Humans be damned, she was going to help her friend whether she was spotted or not! Another sharp dive and another circle as she searched for an open place to land. With her wingspan, landing always proved to be a difficult feat. Each wing spanned fifteen feet, enough to give her the force to lift herself from the ground even at her great size. She knew she wouldn’t be able to land properly in the alley itself, it was far too narrow, but the road offered an almost perfect landing strip…

***

“I’m sorry!” Pete whimpered as he still tried to escape, pants and Fanny pack ripped off and his contents dumped all over, as well as all the soda he had on his belt. They dumped it on his head and wings and made his feathers feel all heavy and sticky. “I’M PETE!”

“You said that already!” Rocksteady kicked Pete over and laughed as Bebop walked over with one of the pizza boxes.

“You want pizza so badly little man? Here you go!” He dumped the hot cheese all over Pete’s chest and smeared it in down to his blood feathers, twisting it as deep as he could manage while Pete screeched with the heat.

“Aww, poor birdie! I thought you liked pizza.” Rocksteady laughed, “Or— I’m sorry, bread-disks!”

“I’m sorry!” Pete whimpered, trying to flap his heavy wings, “I’m Pete— I’m Pete—”

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!”

The screech came from the road and made both Bebop and Rocksteady look up with curious grunts. Before they could do much more than look, the flash of gray and black was upon them and talons dug into their flesh, targeting the soft of their stomach. Bebop in particular took the brunt of the sickle-claws, and he was left with four large gashes in his stomach that immediately started to bleed profusely.

“Hey— ow, that hurt!” Bebop and Rocksteady backed up as one, laughing off the pain as they tried to get a better look at their frankly powerful attacker.

It was another bird, this one twice as big and twice as strong. The majority of her feathers were a light gray, but her wings were black and tipped with white. They were folded upward, the majority of their size hidden from view, with the highest feather almost three feet above her head. Her face was white with a striped pattern of black and her eyes of white stared back at them. She had a torn wrapping on her chest, and a loincloth around her waist.

“That was the point.” She gave an almost evil hiss as she hopped forward, stepping between the brutes and Pete.

Rocksteady gave a concerned grunt when he smelled the blood pulling from Bebop’s belly, and he turned to the falcon with a furious snort as he dug a foot into the stone. “YOU GON PAY FOR THAT!”

Before Rocksteady could complete his charge, Koya locked her talons around Pete’s shoulder and hoisted him onto her back, sprinting off and spreading her wings the moment they entered the streets. Rocksteady still charged, but missed completely and instead started to roar curses at the birds as they disappeared into the night sky.

[brandstifter-sys]

Just Like Old Times

Word Count: 1698

Pairing: Dukexiety (other sides mentioned)

Rating: T+

Warnings: Sex mention, game grumps, food mention, death mention, svs pt2 spoilers

--------

Laying in bed after a stressful day was one of the best things Virgil could do. He could melt into his mattress and let all of the tension in his body go. But his mind was a different story. After surviving the wedding, he needed to find the right video or videos to distract him. Vines were out of the question, he needed something to really focus on that wouldn’t include Thomas. His mind would wander back to the wedding. He knew exactly what to pull up.

With his laptop open and youtube up, his shaky fingers danced over the keyboard. The light from the screen lit up his face as the video loaded, and then his face lit up. 

Yes, the Game Grumps. Their laughter and antics made him feel better. This episode was definitely a classic, Pokemon FireRed #28. He loved that bit and had to thank Ninja Brian if he ever met the guy.

Hey I’m Grump! I’m Not-so Grump! And we’re the Game Grumps!

But just when he was getting into the story, his peace fell apart. 

“Oh Emoraptor!” Remus sang as he rose up.

“What the hell are you doing in here, and what do you want?” Virgil paused the video and huffed, not bothering to look at the duke. He couldn’t smell him at least. 

“I just wanted to tell you something,” Remus pouted and rocked his shoulders back and forth. 

“What? I’m in the middle of something here,” Virgil responded briskly and spared Remus a tired glance. The duke brought his finger to his lip and bent his knee.

“I’m a sexy widdle baby!” he cooed and fluttered his lashes. He topped it off with a wink and blew a teasing kiss. Virgil couldn’t fight back a snort. Remus was good at being ridiculous.

“And what does the sexy widdle baby want?” Virgil asked with a taunting smirk. 

“I wanna watch with you!” Remus cheered and shimmied. Virgil rolled his eyes. He was clean, including his nails, they were perfectly trimmed too, and head scratches sounded wonderful, even if it meant getting them from Remus. He scooted over and patted the bed next to him.

“Keep it in your pants and no licking and you can stay.”

“Yes!” Remus cheered and leapt on the bed, “Bring on the Daddy Sexbang!” He wiggled to get comfy on his front and got close to Virgil to see the screen.

“Don't call Dan that again," Virgil groaned. He knew it was a lost cause but he was not going to let it slide that easily. 

"But he’s a sexy widdle baby!” Remus laughed and threw his arm around Virgil. Vigil didn’t push him away but he rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, he is, you aren’t.”

“Excuse moi?”

“He doesn’t have a mustache, or smell like shit,” Virgil jeered. Remus retaliated by scratching his scalp. 

"I'm sorry are you sniffing Dan Avidan daily?" Remus snickered as Virge melted into the touch. 

"I don't have that kind of access or the need to sniff a straight man." 

"Don't summon Janus with that kind of talk!" Remus laughed, "He's busy watching for when Patton flings logic out the window!" 

"They're talking with Thomas?" Virgil asked wearily. 

"Yeah but you can stick around and nut over Dan with me! This is a moral dilemma!" 

"Should I be reading between the lines? I'm too tired to do that shit," Virgil grunted and scooted closer to Remus. 

"I mean if you want to read between the lines you can assume I want to nut with you, over Dan or otherwise!" 

"Gross!" Virgil snickered and sighed contentedly as the video switched into the next one. 

"Come on! Like you haven't looked up some polygrumps art in your spare time to get some ideas!" 

"Shipping real people is gross." 

"Shipping and smut aren't the same thing! They're cool with that art, so it's fine!" Remus countered with a wink, "Do you think they make art of us like that?" 

"They do. I try not to look it up. I don't want to imagine that much of the others. Especially Janus—there's a select group that takes the snake thing to a whole other level." 

"Hot!" Remus cheered and shimmied, wiggling his eyebrows at Virge. He snorted in response and pressed his tongue into his cheek. 

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" 

"Because I'm me!" Remus giggled and glanced at the video, "Soap carving?" 

"Yeah, I guess so. Ten Minute Power Hour. This shit is right up your alley!" Virgil hummed and watched as Arin and Dan debated the source of the smell of soap. 

“Soap smells like soap, didn’t think that would be up for debate,” Virgil says, shaking his head.

“They usually add something to give it a scent, otherwise it smells like ammonia and meat fat!”

“Is that why you stink?”

“Nah! That’s just the scent of rejection!–Holy shit that cheese!” Remus hummed only to be distracted by a moldy old cheese carving that Dan dropped on the table.

“David Cheeseman, rip in pepperonis.” Virgil sighed wistfully, “He was a likeness of Dan and now he’s a likeness of you.”

“I resent that, unlike Dan, I know my sexiness has limits!” 

“We define them differently.”

“So you think I’m hotter than Danny Sexbang? I don’t know what to say!” Remus preened and rolled on his side, putting himself on display. Virgil scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“That despite all the shit you do, you have normal thumbs, so that's a plus,” Virgil couldn’t help but tease. Remus gave him a questioning smirk and scratched his scalp in retaliation. 

"You know you love me!" 

"I don't know what you're talking about—" Virgil shrugged while continuing to watch, "—oh god, Arin no!"

Remus watched amusedly as Arin bit down on a bar of soap wrapped in brown yarn. He was going to town trying to bite through it. The pause when he "realized it wasn't ice cream" got a chuckle out of Remus. But it was Dan suggesting he bite it again and his nonchalant agreement and subsequent chompage that got Virge laughing. 

"Mixing in the rootbeer is a good choice," Remus noted over the emo giggles, "it is creamy, but not like my favorite cream!" 

"Dude!"

"What? I have a preference for Kelpie milk and cream! And they think I’m the dirty one!” Remus cackled. Virgil shoved him playfully and scoffed.

“You and I both know you would say the other thing.”

“Yeah!” Remus said and fluttered his lashes, “But I didn’t! I’m unpredictable like that!”

“You’re as random as a soap taco.”

“They call it a clean taco!”

“Who’s they?”

“Arin.”

“Touché”

“Tushy!” Remus cheered and flopped on his stomach with a giggle. Virgil was tempted to shove him off the bed while the grumps goofed off with soap.

“That’s supposed to be satisfying?”

“Usually, yeah,” Virgil shrugged and flipped his hair out of his face, expecting Remus to go on about soap cutting stim videos. He was not expecting the joyful smacking on his arm when they started singing.

“This is my jam!” Remus squealed, “Oooh! Can we sing it! Please! You know you love this song!” Virgil bobbed his head in mock contemplation and smirked.

“Yeah, if you think you can remember the words,” he said with a teasing lilt to his voice. Remus smiled darkly and nodded.

"There used to be a graying tower alone in the sea. You became the light on the dark side of me.” They sang in tandem, waiting for the other to mess up.

“Love remains!” Remus practically screamed as he climbed that octave, before dropping to his usual range.

“A drug that’s the high not the pill. But did you know that when it snows, my eyes become large, and the light that you shine can be seen?” he let Virgil handle that next chunk, mainly because there was a smoothness to the emo’s voice that he didn’t have. Plus he liked Virgil's singing.

“Baby! I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey, ooh, the more I get of you the stranger it feels, yeah! Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the–” they were getting into it, having fun until...

“Grey.” “Grave.”

“It’s 'grey,' dukebag,” Virgil scoffed, “I can google the lyrics for you.”

“I know but I like saying ‘grave’ better! It still fits!” Remus argued.

“Just like you and your coffin,” Virgil jeered.

“Exactly! Now how about you let your rose bloom on my face so I can die happy!”

“That was a terrible euphemism, even for you.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m spending time with you again after so long, like almost nothing has changed except for the benefits and it makes me happy to be around and wanted!”

“Wanted?"

"I'm always showing up uninvited and it's part of the job. But it's nice to be wanted too, not just tolerated." Remus answered cheerfully. Virgil winced. He knew what that felt like, and almost forgot it too. 

"It sure is," Virgil sighed and wrapped an arm around Remus, "It sure is." 

"Janus just revealed his name." Remus hummed after a beat of silence. He was good at listening in on whatever was at the forefront of Thomas' mind when he wanted. 

"What?" 

"Yep! And he's gonna be a mess when he gets back, happy and hurt!" Remus hummed, "Of course so is Princey but it seems like Pat has that covered." 

"Are you gonna go help him?" 

"Nah, not yet. My name reveal wasn't emotional, so I'm useless in that department! Besides, I'm busy watching Game Grumps with my old flame and having fun! Self-Care Snake always says leisure is important!" 

"Yeah, the emotional stuff can wait. Wanna see them fail at summoning a ghost?" 

"Do I have a tentacle tramp stamp?" Remus answered with a mustache wiggle. Virgil snorted and ruffled Remus' hair.

"I missed you, you little shit!" Virgil laughed as he clicked on the next video. 

"I love you too, Scare Bear!" 

Virgil hummed noncommittally and leaned against the duke, resting his head on his shoulder. It really was as if nothing had changed at all.

[solynaceawrites]

The ABCs of Demonology [4]: Dirty Secret

Fandom: Devil May Cry Characters: Dante, fem!Reader Tags: NSFW Alphabet, Drabble Collection, Smut, Fluff, Established Relationship, Aftercare Chapters: 4/26 Summary: A series of drabbles based on the-coldest-goodbye’s NSFW Alphabet template. Each drabble has a different theme, but all of them star Dante Sparda.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

“Really, Dante? Pizza delivery?” 

He grins up at you from between your breasts, his hands smoothing over your backside. “Yeah! You know, you order a pizza, realize you can’t pay, and I give you some extra sausage.”

You smother a snort as you card your fingers through his hair and give the strands a gentle tug. “Why would I order a pizza if I couldn’t afford it? And why would I then pay the pizza man with sex instead of, I dunno, cancelling the order?”

“Babe,” he groans. “It’s for the fantasy.”

“You watch too many pornos.” Dante huffs and buries his face against your chest, and you laugh softly at the peek of his eyes over your flesh; he’s not prone to sulking, but those puppy-dog eyes of his are mighty damn close. “Am I supposed to open the door naked, too?”

His hand dips between your thighs, teasing over your sex, which is still slick from him having you bent over his desk. “Nope.” He pops the ‘p’. “You know that cute lil’ lingerie you bought last month?”

“The one you ripped in half?”

“The other one.” You shift a little to get his fingers where you want them, and he slides one into your opening, the glide shallow due to the angle. “The black, uh . . . negligee? Isn’t that what you called it. You could always wear that, give me the pleasure of unwrappin’ ya, too.”

“You’re a fiend,” you deadpan. He hums, pressing a kiss between your breasts before taking a nipple into his mouth, and the pressure of his tongue on the sensitive bud has you squirming in his grip, which rocks you against his finger. It’s an assault on all fronts, and you relent with a dramatic sigh. “Fine, you devil! Pizza delivery it is.”

»»————-　⚜　————-««

You tousle your hair carefully before double-checking your reflection in the mirror. Dante is due any minute for this little fantasy of his, and you want to make sure you’re as irresistible as you can be; “I’ve always wanted to do the pizza delivery thing,” wasn’t exactly what you expected when you asked if he had any dirty little secrets, but it’s certainly light enough on the spectrum that you don’t mind it too much. Your negligee is all sheer black lace, hiding absolutely nothing, and you’ve paired it with a black lace thong and the black heels that always drive him wild. The lingerie will probably be in tatters by the end of the night, but you’re not too worried about it, since you’ve got a dirty little secret of your own. 

Dante manhandling you really, really turns you on. 

At nine on the dot, the doorbell buzzes, and you blow yourself a kiss before heading downstairs. You’ve barely made it down two steps before it buzzes again. And then again. And again. If Dante really was a delivery man, you think, he’d piss off all of his clients.

You’re more than a little irate when you reach the front door, which results in you yanking it open with a bit more force than necessary, but it shifts to something more akin to bemusement when you catch sight of what he’s wearing. It seems he’s taken the porno slant to heart, clad in low-slung jeans that cling to his thighs, his chest left bare save for an apron that’s cinched in to show off his waist, and he grins as he peers at you from beneath the brim of the hat he’d no doubt borrowed from Antonio’s. “Someone order a pizza with extra sausage?”

Doing your best to smother a laugh, you put on what you hope is a sultry smile. “That would be me. But,” you pout, “I can’t find my wallet. Is there any way you could let me off the hook, just this once?”

“I dunno. Boss probably wouldn’t be too happy.” Dante makes a show of looking you over, his eyes lingering at the swell of your breasts. “I could pay outta my tips, but I’d need somethin’ nice from you.”

“Something nice?” you murmur. Teasingly, you toy with the strap to your negligee, pushing it down your shoulder until the cup on the right is barely covering anything at all, and his lips part at the hint of your nipple above the fabric. “Why don’t you come in so we can . . . discuss it?”

He flashes another grin as he steps by you, and you quickly shut and lock the door before following him into the shop. Per your request, he’d gotten a real pizza to go along with this, and the scent of it wafting through the air as he sets it on his desk makes your mouth water and your stomach rumble. Dante must have a similar thought, because there’s a split second of hesitation before he turns back to you, and he glances at it over his shoulder. “You, uh . . .”

"You said something about payment?" you prompt.

"Oh! Yeah." Dante grins and takes a step towards you, his hips popping with extra swagger. "I got a big ol' pepperoni for ya."

"Oh my," you sigh, fanning yourself to cover your laughter. "That is sure to cost extra."

With a grin, his tongue half hanging out of his mouth, Dante yanks on his belt. You shift a bit as he makes a show of pulling it through the loops, whipping it off like a stripper and tossing it over his head. "Man that smells good," he murmurs.

"What?"

"The pizza. Smells good." He glances at it before shaking his head. "But I bet you're even better."

He grabs you and sweeps you into a low dip, covering your mouth with his. His tongue is hot and insistent as you cling to his shoulders, letting him support your weight and praying he doesn't drop you. Your hands slide upwards into his hair, glad the silliness is over and you can get to the action when you are interrupted by a very loud growl in his stomach.

His struggle is adorable. Dante sets you back on your feet with a sheepish expression, and you hum and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “Why don’t we eat first?” you suggest. “Then we can go upstairs.”

He deflates a bit. “You sure? Seems pretty dumb now, and I know you must be starvin’, but . . .”

“No buts. Keep the pants on, though. They’re hot.”

There’s another second of thought before he relaxes, holding you close with an arm at your waist and lifting you easily off of your feet. “Yeah? You like ‘em?” You nod, and he moves behind his desk to sit in his chair, situating you comfortably on his lap. “Good. This,” he tugs at the lace hem of your negligee, “is fuckin’ sexy, by the way. You should wear it every day.”

“Even to greet clients?”

He reaches over you to open the box and grab two slices, handing one of them to you. “Maybe not. But the rest of the time, hell yeah.”

[seokmattchuus]

Obvious - Seungyoun

A/n: This lowkey highkey kinda bad. Oops.

- Requested -

“Hey, I got called into work.” Your brother, Sungjoo, said as he poked his head into your room. “I’ll probably be back around ten? Maybe eleven?”

“Sure.” You looked up from your journal. “Just bring back food.”

“I’ll bring food back if you stop writing about my friend all the time.” He stuck his tongue out before walking out, leaving you a flustered mess. 

It’s not your fault that his friend was hot. ‘Friend’ being Sungjoo’s childhood friend, Seungyoun.

You’d had the biggest, most dumbest crush him since you were in high school but ever since the pair came back from college, you were struggling to keep your feelings in check. Puberty hit him like a freight train and if you weren’t fucked before, you were definitely fucked now.

“He’ll never find out if you don’t tell him.” You muttered to yourself. “I mean, he hasn’t found out yet and it’s been years. I think I’m good.” You continued muttering to yourself.

“You have the most shit luck, you know that right?” He yelled back. “Plus, you’re not slick and he’s not dumb.” He pointed out before shutting the door.

“You’re lucky you’re gone.” You grumbled before closing your journal and laying it on your bed so you could work on making lunch.

“Something big or something light?” You pondered aloud to yourself as you opened the cabinets, then the fridge, before sitting on the table and looking through the take out app on your phone. You could eat half now, then eat the other half for dinner because Sungjoo was most definitely not going to bring back food.

“Now the question is,” You paused, scrolling through the app. “What to get.”

You were probably a little too focused on your phone given you didn’t hear the door open but it was probably Sungjoo anyways.

“What’d you forget this time?” You laughed, turning and nearly falling over as you saw Seungyoun step through the door.

“My headphones.” He laughed. “How’d you know?” 

“I thought you were Sungjoo..” You trailed off. “Sorry.”

“It’s cool, I’d laugh at him too.” He smiled as he set his stuff down on the floor by the table and you leaned down to pick them up and put them on the chair next to you. “But my headphones. I think I left them here last time? Sungjoo said I could come by and look for them.”

Of course he did. 

“I haven’t seen them.” You shook your head. “Maybe they’re in his room?” You offered, a little proud of yourself for keeping calm.

“Thanks.” He smiled before walking down the hall.

“Uh, I’m ordering food.” You called out. “I have no idea what to get so I’m giving that responsibility to you.”

Even from Sungjoo’s room you could still hear his laugh and it made you smile before you quickly hit yourself. You could not be doing this. Not right now.

“You were so immersed in your phone because you were looking for food?” He laughed as he came back without headphones, the conversation topic probably the reason he stopped looking. “Does Sungjoo not feed you?”

You pouted and shook your head. 

“I’m a neglected child.” 

“C’mon, I’ll buy you something.” He nodded to the door. “I haven’t eaten either.”

Your eyes widen and you shook your head.

“No, it’s fi-” 

“Nope.” He stated, grabbing his things from the chair. “Let’s go.” 

“I’m not ready.” You rushed out, which really wasn’t a lie. You only had a shirt and ripped jeans. Not to mention a poor excuse of a jacket. 

“You look fine to me, now come on.” He smiled, grabbing your arm lightly and helping you up, lightly pushing you towards the door.

-

You both walked down the street to the pizza place and you couldn’t help but feel bad. 

“You didn’t have to.” You pouted, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets.

“We both haven’t eaten.” He said. “Plus, I can’t have the neglected child starving on my watch.” He joked, his hand coming up to pet your hair.

You could feel a smile forming and you quickly hid your face, your arm coming up as you faked a cough.

“Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?” He spoke out quickly, and you shook your head. 

“My throat just tickled.” You reassured him but he still didn’t seem convinced. 

“If I end up getting you sick, Sungjoo’s gonna kill me.”

“If he kills you, I’ll kill him.” You smiled and he laughed again, the sound making you sigh happily before you could realize it but thankfully he didn’t comment on it.

The rest of the walk was spent in silence until you reached the building.

“What kind of pizza do you like?” He asked as he opened the door for you.

“I’m fine with anything.” You smiled as you looked back at him.

“I bet you like something weird, huh?” He laughed. “But you pick a spot, I’ll follow.”

You looked around before spotting a booth, and happily made your way before sliding in, him sitting opposite and pulling out his phone.

You tried your best not to stare at him, but you really couldn’t help it. He just looked so good and he didn’t even have to try. Maybe Sungjoo was right about your shit luck. 

You were pulled from your thoughts as the waiter came by, placing a menu down along with two plates.

“For drinks?” The waiter asked.

“Water’s fine.” You spoke up, Seungyoun getting the same.

“Should we settle for the basics and got pepperoni?” He raised a brow.

"Pepperoni’s not as basic as just cheese.” You pointed out, pulling your own phone out so you had something to keep you busy. 

“Good point.” He nodded. “Pepperoni it is.” He nodded to the waiter, handing him the menu back before he walked away.

“What’s so interesting?” He looked over, noticing you were lost in your phone again. 

“Just scrolling through Instagram.” You sighed before locking the screen. “No cute people today.”

“Why look at pictures of cute people when you have a cute people right in front of you?” He asked as he cupped his face.

“You were cute until you said that.” You shook your head with a laugh.

“So you admit I’m cute?” He smirked, his fingers tapping against his cheeks.

“I take it back.” You shook your head. “Not at all.” 

“Rude.” He pouted as the waiter came back, placing the cups down before saying your pizza would be out shortly. “Just for that, no pizza for you.” He stuck his tongue out.

“You’re so childish.” You narrowed your eyes.

“I learned from you.” He mimicked you.

“I’m not childish.” You huffed. 

“You kinda are.” He smiled. “But it’s cute, so don’t worry.”

The words rang through your head after he said it and you quickly picked your phone up.

“My friend’s calling, I’ll be right back.” You rushed out, clumsily sliding out of the booth.

“Stupid.” You cringed to yourself as you walked out, putting the phone to your ear for dramatic effect.

While you were scolding yourself outside, you realized you left your jacket on the seat and scolded yourself even more, deciding to endure the cold for at least five more minutes, just enough for a small phone call. 

By the time you walked back in, you saw the waiter sliding the pan onto the table and you sighed in relief that something warm was waiting for you.

“What was so important that you forgot your jacket?” He laughed.

“Boy trouble.” You rushed out, trying to hide the shiver in your voice as you reached for a slice.

“Uh-uh.” He spoke quickly, tapping your hand lightly.

“I thought you couldn’t let the neglected child starve on your watch?” You pouted.

“It’s hot.” He tsked. “What do you take me for?” 

“Let me burn my mouth, I’m hungry.” You whined.

“Remind me to beat your brother up for not feeding you.” He tsked again as he shook his head, grabbing one of the plates and putting two slices on it before blowing on his fingers. “Here.” 

“Since when were you so...caring.” You questioned before you could filter it, silently hoping he wouldn’t answer because you didn’t have an excuse to leave this time.

“Shut up and eat your pizza.” He narrowed his eyes at you before serving himself.

“Rude.” You mumbled, picking up a piece and taking a bite, sighing as the warmth took over.

“I told you to take my jacket.” He stated matter-of-factly as he bit into his own slice. “Now you’re cold.”

“I’m only cold because I was just outside. If I was that cold, I’d put my jacket on.”

“At least take it on the way back.” He tried after swallowing his food. “I really don’t want you getting sick.”

You only nodded, not feeling up to debate it.

-

“Arms.” He said, holding his jacket up for you before you walked out. “You agreed to wear it on the way back.”

“I know what I said.” You playfully glared. “But I can put it on myself.”

He sighed but handed it over, watching you pull it over your thin jacket.

Part of you was a little too happy about wearing the damn thing, and said happiness only grew as you were surrounded by the scent of his cologne.

“What cologne do you use?” You asked as you stepped outside, your hands buried in the pockets as you felt the breeze hit you.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I grabbed a random one this morning.”

You nodded, not feeling the need to drag the topic on.

“Any other plans after you find your headphones?” You laughed.

“Shit, I forgot about that.” He groaned.

“I can just let you take mine?” You offered. “Sungjoo’s room is such a mess, you’ll probably never find them.”

“Or you could help me?” He tried. “Plus, you were the reason I had to stop in the first place. With your food problems.”

As much as you wanted to tell him he could’ve ignored you, you grumbled a small ‘fine’ instead.

The walk seemed quicker than usual as you already reached the apartment building, then your apartment door. You punched in the code and made your way inside, dropping your stuff on the table as the heater set in.

“I really don’t think you’ll find them, though.” You shook your head as you both walked into the room.

“Less talking, more searching, please.” He huffed as he checked the counter, you searching around the computer area.

“Don’t you have your own set up at home? Why use his?” You questioned, sliding your hand along the sides.

“For company. It’s boring working on my own.” He said as he checked around the nightstand. 

Since they obviously weren’t in plain sight, you figured they fell, that being proven when you got down to look around the floor and saw the white bundled cord right under the bed.

You were about to tell him when your phone went off from the kitchen.

“They’re under the bed, let me go get that.” You spoke as you walked out of the room and looked at the ID.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a work?” You furrowed your brows. “Why are you calling me?” 

“What do you want for dinner?” He asked, ignoring your question. “I’d like to know before I get off.”

“You don’t get off for hours?” You asked. “Plus, Seungyoun took me out for lunch. There’s some leftovers.”

“He took you on a date?” You could hear the smirk as your hand came up to pinch the bridge of your nose. 

“It was not a date.” You explained. 

“Totally a date.” 

“It can’t be a date if we don’t like each other.” Your voice got louder, completely forgetting about the boy in the other room.

“But you like him.” He stated.

“He doesn’t like me.”

“How do you-

“Who doesn’t like you?” Seungyoun asked, the shock causing you to end the call and shove your phone into your pocket.

“Just Sungjoo being Sungjoo.” You explained with a forced smile. “Dumb brother stuff.” You continued, mentally kicking yourself at the dumb things that kept falling out of your mouth. “Now that you found your headphones, you should probably head home.”

“I was actually going to wait for Sungjoo to get home.”

Why was the world against you today?

“I’m going to go put on something warmer, I’m kind of cold.” You rushed out, walking past him and letting the conversation die at that.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You whispered as you closed the door to your room, your hand coming up to hit yourself as you realized the apartment was hot.

“What time does he get out?” He called from the kitchen. 

“He said ten or eleven.” You called back, moving away from the door. You threw your phone on the bed before changing into some thin sweats and a hoodie.

“Want to watch a movie when you’re done changing?” He offered.

You let out a frustrated whine. You really weren’t planning on going back out there.

“Sure.” Your voice was softer this time as you fully accepted the fact that you had shit luck. 

You opened the door and made your way back to the living room, watching as he picked some random documentary on Netflix. 

“You’re not even gonna watch that.” You spoke out as you sat on the opposite side from him. “Lemme see.” You said, holding out your palm.

“No,” He pouted, holding the remote to his chest. “We’re going to watch this.”

“But let’s watch something else~” You whined, reaching over only for him to reach out so you missed. 

“What’s wrong with this? You didn’t even give it a chance.” He laughed. 

“But you said a movie.” You pouted. “Documentaries aren’t movies.” 

“They are too!” He defended, his hand coming back into reach while he stuck his tongue out at you. 

You took the chance to lunge for it and of course he was smart enough to dodge it, but of course it resulted in you nearly flying over the arm rest. But he caught you in time, leaving you both in a not-so-comfortable position as he pulled you back so you were on his lap.

“All for a remote.” He whispered, a nervous chuckle following as he looked at you.

“Y-Yeah,” You stuttered out, a small blush coloring your cheeks. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.” He smiled. “It’s not how I pictured it, but I guess it works.” 

The words took you by surprise and it was probably written all over your face because he spoke up again.

“Unless you don’t want this.” He started. “I just- I thought you liked me back so-”

You cut him off by pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“How’d you know?” You asked shyly.

“It was kind of obvious.” He chuckled. 

“But what about Sungjoo?” You asked, him smiling as his hand came up to boop your nose.

“You act like he doesn’t already know.”

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 74

warnings: nsfw Hold My Hand Masterlist

The rain has been falling steadily for over two hours now, and even though it’s only a little after four, it looks like it’s nearly 8 at night. The rain on the trees outside is so serene, and every so often, you can hear the thunder in the distance. Since you can’t really hear it, you walk over to the window and open it a little.

The plan for today was to go to the festival that's happening down the street, but since it's raining out, you're fairly certain that no one is even there. It would be fine to walk around in if it was just a light sprinkle, but it's a pretty good storm. The lightening is flashing every few seconds and the thunder is never far behind, which is your absolute favorite.

John is fast asleep on the couch, and he has been for about an hour. You know you’ll need to start some dinner soon, but the banging in the kitchen will wake him up and you want him to get as much rest as he can. Plus he looks absolutely adorable right now and you don’t want to disturb that.

As you walk past the couch, you look over and smile when you see John still asleep. He has the pillows from the couch over his arms to warm himself up, so you grab the blanket off the chair and tuck it around his chest and his arms while a small spreads across his face.

When you walk over to sit in the chair near the window, John grabs your back pocket and pulls you back to him, and he sits up a little to let you sit next to him on the couch. You tap your thigh and he places his head in your lap, squinting his eyes open to look at you.

“What are you up to?” he whispers, then pulls you down to kiss him.

“Just watching the storm, it's getting worse. I need to make dinner soon but since you’re napping, I hate to bang around in the kitchen.” you say softly as you trace your finger over John’s face, “So I thought I could just order some food for us.”

John nods his head lazily and closes his eyes, “Pizza.”

You unlock your iPad and check out a few places that are near the tree house, and you continue tracing John’s face until small snores escape past his lips. You lean down and press a kiss to his forehead, and he snuggles even closer to you.

__

“Ah!” you yell as you run up the steps, and John quickly opens the door, reaching out for you, “I’m soaked!”

“You should have just let them walk up the steps.” John takes the food from you and points to the bedroom, “Go get dried off. I’ll get dinner all set up.”

You shiver as you walk back to the bedroom, and you quickly pull off your clothes and toss them in the dryer when you pass it. Since you and John have no plans for the rest of the night, you decide to just throw on one of his t-shirts, and you can’t wait to see the reaction you’ll get.

John opens the bag and begins taking the food out, “I don't even know what you got me, but it smells amazing.”

“I got pizza! That’s what you told me you wanted.” you laugh as you walk back out to the kitchen, “Don’t you remember?”

“Nope.” John’s gaze immediately falls from your eyes, and he looks at you up and down, taking in the sight of you in his shirt. He swallows hard and licks his lips when you pull his shirt tighter on your chest to show him you’re not wearing a bra, and you both laugh when you make eye contact again.

“I’m just teasing.” you pull out the pizza and hold it up, “Mushroom, sausage, and pepperoni. Just for you.”

John closes his eyes and tilts his head back, “Have I told you today that I love you?”

You laugh as you take out the pasta and hold it up for John to smell, “Eggplant Parmesan with linguine. Oh, and I got us some dessert as well.” you open the fridge and put them away, “We’ll save that for later.”

Looking out the window, you exhale in relief when you see the rain is coming down even harder. It’s nearly impossible to see across the lawn, and the rain is pelting against the windows.

“Good thing they delivered.”

“I wouldn't have let you drive in this,” he laughs as he sets the food on the coffee table, then he waves you over, “Come on.”

You smack your lips together as you sit down on the couch and fold your legs under you, immediately taking a big bite of your food. John offers you a bite of his pizza and you nod your head as he feeds you.

“That’s good. I usually don’t care for mushrooms but that’s really good.” you feed John a bit of your food, and he gives you a thumbs up as he chews.

When you set your plate on the table, you notice a wrapped up present, and you groan loudly as you look over at John and roll your eyes.

“What?” he asks with a mouth full of pizza.

You point at the present and cover your mouth as you chew, “More gifts?”

“I thought it was for me.” John laughs and grabs it, “It was in my suitcase, in a side pocket.”

“It’s not like…some hidden gift from Helen or something, is it?” you ask, carefully reaching out for it.

“No.” John laughs and sits back on the couch to finish his pizza, “I didn’t have this suitcase then. Open it.”

You rip the paper off the box and open it to find a note tucked inside. You unfold it and laugh, “Makes sense. Tess.”

“It’s from Tess?” he asks, leaning over to look at it with you to read the note, “Hey, you two. Found these when we were in Rome and I tucked them away. Thought it’d be fun for the two of you. So, enjoy. Oh, and I also added a few of my own.”

You and John look at each other in confusion, then you reach into the box to pull out a stack of cards. There’s a few that are just ripped up sheets of paper, and you know those are the ones that Tess wrote.

“Conversation starters.” you say as you look at a few, “This could be fun.”

John is already on his third slice of pizza, and when you go to grab your fork, you notices he’s been eating your food too. You laugh and get up from the couch to get something to drink, and you look over at John as he shuffles through the cards.

“I’m asking first.” he says, then takes a big drink of water, “Question one, oh, I actually don’t think I know this. What are you allergic to?”

You sit back on the couch and open your bottle of water, “Fish.”

“Really?”

You nod as you take a sip of water, “Yup. Figured that out when I was 12. Dan used to keep an eye on me and Tess when my mom would work late, and he had brought some fish over to cook. You know me, I’m a picky eater, but everyone was eating fish and I didn’t want to be left out or be rude for not eating it.”

“So, you would have rather died than be left out or rude? You really are an angel, you know that?”

You laugh and shake your head, “No! I didn’t know at the time that I was allergic. I ate a little bit of it and my face just…got super red and itchy, and I couldn’t really breathe. Gave Dan quite the scare.”

John is hanging on to every word you say, and he leans in for more, “What happened?”

“He took me to the hospital. My mom was working and nearly fainted when she saw her baby girl being carried in.” you laugh, and John widens his eyes. “They figured it out within a few seconds and I was fine. I just can’t eat fish, which is perfectly okay with me since, you know, it’s gross anyway.”

John puts his hand over his heart and exhales, “I can imagine how scared your mom was. I would probably almost faint too.”

You chuckle softly to yourself and look up at John, “So, uh, when we went to that restaurant in Rome and we ordered the steak, that was mostly because I couldn’t eat anything else on the menu. And also the other night when you offered me Caesar salad dressing…”

John’s eyes almost fall out of his head, and he cups your face, “Oh, my god!”

“It’s okay.” you laugh and cover his hands with yours to keep them in place, “It’s okay. It’s just sometimes it has anchovies in it, so I obviously can’t eat it. Don’t worry it’s not like a severe allergy, so I’m okay. What about you? Are you allergic to anything?”

John takes a deep breath and sighs, “I’m so sorry, I almost killed you. Twice!”

You scoot closer to John and wrap your arm around his shoulder, “No, you didn’t, baby. I’m fine. Anyway, what about you?”

“No,” he shakes his head and grabs another card, handing it to you, “I’m not allergic to anything.”

“Question two.” you look at the card and laugh, “Oh, well, I know the answer for you. Have you ever broken a bone?”

John lets out a sweet laugh and nods his head, “Yeah, I broke my leg when I was, like…14. I broke my ankle when I was around 34. And I broke my nose a few times. My ribs, a lot. My arm, my hand, uh, I think that's it. What about you?”

“So, basically all of them?”

John nods, “Pretty much.”

“Broke my right arm when I was 16.” you look at John and laugh, “Gymnastics.”

John takes another card and smiles, “Tess wrote this one. Are you part of the mile high club? That we are.”

“I still don’t believe I was your first time up there.”

“I promise you were the first I’ve ever had sex with on a plane.” he says, laughing when you jokingly squint your eyes. “I promise!”

You cock up your eyebrow, “So, you’ve done other stuff then?”

John laughs as he shakes his head, “No. You are the only person I’ve done anything with on a plane.”

“But how do I know that?”

John lets out a laugh and shrugs, “I don’t know, you just believe me. I’ve never even been on a plane with another woman who I wasn’t working with. And Helen and I flew on an actual airline. How would I explain a private jet?”

“True.” you smirk, “But you worked with other women.”

“That would have all killed me within a second if I let my guard down.” he says, shaking his head.

“Okay, but I mean, doesn’t that like…add to the whole thing? That you’re an assassin and she’s an assassin. Both dangerous and beautiful.” you say, dramatically draping yourself on the couch, “We’re in love, but we’re enemies. No one can know about this love affair.”

John is watching you with the biggest smile on his face, and he laughs when you look over at him. “Yeah, trust me, it’s not hot. Last thing on my mind when I’m working, to be honest.”

“But once you’re home…” you wink and point at yourself, then lay down on the couch, sprawling out, “Take me, Jonathan.”

“Anyway,” John laughs and shakes his head as he pulls out another card, one from Tess, “Were you nervous the first time you had sex?”

“Like…together, or just the first time ever?”

John shrugs, “I’m assuming you and me.”

“Oh,” you laugh, then look over at John, “Were you nervous?”

“Yeah, I was nervous.” he nods, looking at you, “I was so nervous that, I don’t know, you weren’t going to be into me, or that I wouldn’t be…good. It had been a while for me, so I hoped that I would still be good. And you’re younger than me, so I don’t know.”

“You were perfect, John. It was, by far, the best sex I’ve ever had, and I’m not just saying that because we’re together. I really mean that. I was nervous though.” you say, then you try your best to imitate John’s deep voice, “You’re older than me, so I don’t know.”

John laughs, “You teasin’ me?”

“Yeah,” you laugh, leaning over to kiss John, “But seriously, I was nervous. I know I’ve told you before that I was nervous because it was the first time I wore lingerie, but I was just nervous too, because I really, really liked you, and I just hoped that even after we had sex, you were still gonna be around.”

John gestures to himself, then he points at your engagement ring, “I’m still around.”

“Were you really so nervous because I’m younger?”

He shrugs, then nods a little, “A little bit. I just hoped I could keep up with you.”

“Oh, you definitely do. You have amazing stamina, usually it’s me who is out of breath first.”

John grins, then he looks down at the next card, “First to say I love you.”

“You.” you smile, leaning over to kiss John, “You had told me already that you were falling in love, but you hadn’t straight up said you loved me yet. Until I came to see you at the hotel. You told me you loved me for the first time while we were having sex.”

“Ah, making love.” John corrects, and you roll your eyes. “I had always meant to tell you before, and if I’m being honest, I had planned to tell you the day you found everything in the basement. I was so excited to get home to you just so I could tell you. Then you found everything in the basement, and I…”

“Didn’t want to risk it, I get it.”

John laughs, “No. You were yelling at me. Did you really want to hear that I loved you in that moment? No. You would have said that I only said it to stop you from leaving.”

You nod your head and look at John, “You have a point. I mean it would have been a bad time to tell me, to be honest. I would have probably said that. God, I hate how well you know me. Even back then, you just…knew me.”

John smiles proudly as he grabs another card, “Name two things your partner does well, and one thing you wish they did better.”

“Tread carefully, Wick.”

John tilts his head back against the couch and looks up at the ceiling, “I already know what I wish you would do better.”

“Being nice to myself, blah, blah, blah. I know.” you laugh as John nods his head, “It’s a work in progress.”

“Two things you do well…uh, you make delicious food. Since we’ve been together, we cook together a lot, and I swear you could make a cookbook, you’re incredible.” he smiles and puckers his lips for a kiss. He chuckles and looks down at his lap, “And another thing you do well is...”

You look down at the crotch of John’s pants and smile, “You can say it. I know you’re dying to say it.”

He laughs and shakes his head, “You’re very understanding. That’s something you do well, you understand me. You understand me like no one ever has, and I truly mean that.”

“Two things you do well. I can think of like…a million. You’re very patient with me, which I appreciate so much. I know I can be a handful, so I really do appreciate how patient you are with me.” you take a deep breath and squint one eye as you think.

“Oh, I thought you could think of a million.” John teases.

“I’m trying to pick a really good one.” you laugh and stretch your legs out across John’s lap, “Can I just be cheesy and say you love me really well? Because you love me the way no one ever has and it’s incredible. Yeah, I’m gonna go with that because the smile on your face is killing me.”

John’s smile grows bigger on his face as he leans over to kiss your cheek. John is always affectionate, but today it’s in overdrive. “Next question. Most romantic thing the other has done for you. I would say--”

“I never do romantic things for you. I’m a shitty fiancee.” you laugh and roll your eyes when John shakes his head. “Okay, what’s a romantic thing I’ve done?”

“Setting up my bookbinding site. That was so sweet of you to do.” he smiles, and you can tell he’s being completely sincere. “I would have had no idea how to do that, but you did it for me because you wanted me to do something that I loved. And I also think it was pretty romantic that you were my first client.”

You shrug playfully and blush, “I’m so proud of you. I’ll never say it enough. I am so proud of everything you’ve accomplished with your bookbinding. I’m so happy to see you so passionate about something, I just love listening to you talk about it. Your eyes just light up, it’s honestly the most wonderful thing to see.”

“Come here.” John whispers, and you crawl closer to sit in his lap. He kisses you tenderly and smiles as he tucks your hair behind your ear, “What about you? What’s the most romantic thing I’ve done?”

“Made me a little journal for us to leave notes in, flew my mom out when you proposed, gave me the best proposal ever,” you begin to count on your fingers, and John laughs. “Had my favorite camera fixed, given me jewelry and flowers just because. Bought me a fucking book shop, flew me to Italy, surprised me with this place. Shall I continue?”

John buries his face in the crook of your neck and laughs, “I get it.”

“You’re very romantic, but even if you didn’t buy me this stuff or fly me places, the little things that you do are my favorite.” you say, and John leans back, “Making me breakfast, always wanting to be near me, wanting to hold my hand. Telling me that you miss your lips on mine when we haven’t kissed in like…an hour. It’s the little things that matter the most to me.”

John holds your gaze for a moment and starts to laugh, “My cheesiness is rubbing off on you, isn’t it?”

“Unfortunately.” you laugh as you grab another card. “What is one thing you wish you could change about your relationship? Oh, I got one. I wish that you and I got to do things that new couples get to do. Like, when you move in together, you get to buy all the stuff you need for your house or apartment, I'm a little sad that we didn't get to do that stuff.”

“Really?” John asks, and you nod your head. “Well, we do need a new couch. Our living room could look better, I was thinking that we need a new rug in there too. We could always redo that. Our den that we never use, that could use a little attention. We'd probably use it more.”

“Thought it'd be good for when we have kids. Their playroom. It’s right next to the office, so we can always keep an eye on them if we’re working or something.”

John smiles as he nods his head, “Great idea. When we get home, we can go get some stuff and fix up the house. Might even paint the living room too.”

“Well, we need to fix up the baby's room anyway. I'm not pregnant, but I think once I get pregnant, everything will fly by, so it's probably best that we start fixing it up. Plus, I just want to do it because I'm excited.”

“Me, too.”

You look at the next card and read it, “What is your favorite physical feature on one another? Well, that’s just dumb, because you’re going to say my--”

“Smile.”

You laugh and scrunch up your eyebrows in confusion, “What? Since when?”

“Since always.” John smiles, “I’ve always loved your smile. You have a cute little dimple on your right cheek. It’s tiny and you can only see it when you smile really wide. But I love your smile, nearly fell to my knees the first time I saw it.”

“Oh, god.” you roll your eyes and laugh.

“That’s another thing I would like you to do better: take compliments.”

You laugh again and shake your head, “That was like…three questions ago.”

John watches attentively as you move to straddle his waist, and he bites his lip a little when you ease down on his lap. He places his hands on your waist to pull you a little closer, then he smiles when your gazes meet.

“So, just my smile?” you ask, playing it coy, “There’s nothing else that you like on me?”

John chuckles, “I like everything on you. I also like everything…off of you, if you get what I mean.”

You roll your eyes a little as a smile spreads across your face, “John.”

“Okay, okay…” he laughs, then he moves his hands from your waist down to your thighs, “I love your thighs, how soft and warm your skin is on my fingertips…”

“And…”

John watches his hands as they move under your shirt, then he lifts it up so he can take a look. He pulls the shirt over his head and leans his head against your chest as you laugh. Looking through the neck of the shirt, you smile at John and shake your head.

“Yes, these are good too. Very good. So round and perky.” he says, then he leans back a little to suck on your nipple. He finally pulls your shirt back down and looks at you, “You have a very beautiful face. You have really nice hair too! Your legs are good, and your tiny feet.”

Huffing loudly, you frown a little since John is saying everything but what you want him to say, and he clearly thinks it’s hilarious. You move John’s hands to your ass, and you give him an encouraging smile and nod.

“I think that’s it.” he says, then he laughs loudly when you slouch against his chest. “I’m kidding! You know I love your ass. I have a whole nickname that I call you because of it. Of course I love your ass.”

You lean back and look at John, “Why do you tease me so much?”

“Because I love when you get so frustrated with me.” he says softly as he leans up to kiss you. He grips your ass in both hands and smiles, “I love your ass, but the truth is, I would never be able to pick just one thing. I just love everything about you.”

Rubbing your thumb against John’s cheek, you lean down to kiss him once more, “That’s sweet.”

John puffs up his chest and smiles, “What’s your favorite feature on me?”

You grab John’s biceps in your hands and squeeze them tight, then move them lower to his hands, “Honestly, I don’t think I could ever pick. Your eyes are incredible. You have the most beautiful shade of brown I have ever seen, and you have a really nice shape to them. I hope our babies have your eyes.”

“With your smile.”

“Pfft.” you scoff and play with John’s hands, “You have nice hands. I think I’m in the same boat as you though. I’d never be able to pick.”

You take a deep breath and laugh as you look out the window at the storm. It’s still raining incredibly hard, and you get up to open the window a little more. You inhale the smell of the rain and close your eyes as you turn around to see John has been looking at you in awe this whole time.

“Kinda crazy how in love with you I am.” he whispers, pulling you onto the couch.

You laugh quietly and look over at the mess you and John have made on the coffee table with all of your food. You sit up a little to start cleaning the dishes when John grabs you by the waist and pulls you into his lap.

His breath is hot on your neck, and you close your eyes when his hands slide up your thighs to your stomach, then to your breasts, and he squeezes them in his hands. He pulls your shirt up a little to feel your skin under his fingertips, and he nips at your neck and shoulder as you begin moving on his lap.

“I have a question. Have you ever had an orgasm like you have with me?” he whispers against your skin, out of breath.

You shake your head and smile when John begins to slide his hand into your underwear. You tilt your head back and moan softly as he inserts his fingers with no hesitation, and he laughs quietly when you squeeze your legs shut.

“Mmm,” you hum and look over at John, “One of the best feelings.”

“Just one?” he asks, and he watches as your gaze travels down to the crotch of his pants. “Oh.”

You kneel in front of John and slowly unzip his pants, killing him with anticipation. He leans forward to kiss you, then he presses a kiss to your forehead before sitting back and watching you.

“Your cock…” you whisper as you pull him out of his boxers and stroke him, “It’s amazing.”

John laughs quietly and opens his mouth to moan when you slowly lick the tip of his cock with your wet tongue, then he sits up a little to get his pants pulled down more. He sits back down on the couch and places his hand on your forearms, almost in desperate need of physical contact with you.

“Tell me what you want, John.” you say, looking up at him as he tries to keep his eyes open.

“I…I, uh…” he tilts his head back and moans as you press wet kisses all over his cock, thighs and balls, “I wanna feel your mouth around me. I wanna see my cock in your mouth.”

John places both hands on your head as you begin to bob up and down, and he watches intently, holding your gaze the whole time. Taking John as deep as you can, you close your eyes and hear John let out a breathy moan, gripping your hair a little tighter. You slowly slide him out of your mouth and try to catch your breath as you stroke him.

“Needy.” you murmur and smile, “I’m so needy for you tonight.”

John laughs, “I don’t mind.”

“You know, I actually have a really bad gag reflex…” you say as you sit up a little to kiss John, “But it’s like…nonexistent when I’m sucking your dick. Weird, right?”

The look in John’s eyes as he leans down to kiss you again causes you to shiver, and he slips his tongue into your mouth before you move back between his legs. You close your eyes and hum, leaning forward to take John into your mouth again. You feel John so deep in your throat that you’re a little surprised you haven’t gagged yet, then again, he tastes and feels amazing.

“God, look how deep you’ve taken me.” John says, slowly pulling himself out of your mouth as he watches in awe.

As you stroke him and suck on him simultaneously, you know he won’t last much longer, so you decide to give him a few more deep strokes.

“You really are so beautiful, you know that?” he whispers and cups your face to bring you to his lips.

“I just had your cock in my mouth, of course you think I'm beautiful.”

John shakes his head and holds your gaze, “I mean it. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you’re unreal.”

Standing up in front of John, you reach for his hands and help him off the couch, then walk over to the kitchen counter and lean over it as John pulls your underwear off. You hear his belt hitting the floor and look over your shoulder a little to see him kicking his pants off.

You gasp loudly when you feel his cock between your legs, and John tugs your shirt over your head, tossing it on the floor. The granite from the counter is cold against your skin as you lay on it, and you smile to yourself when John begins to thrust his hips.

“Oh, fuck.” he whispers, and you look over your shoulder at him as he closes his eyes and tilts his head back, “Fuck, baby.”

When John jerks his hips hard, you lay on the counter again, gripping the edge as hard as you can without breaking a nail. The sound of John’s hips against your ass fills the room, along with the rain falling outside and John moaning.

“The bed, John.” you manage to choke out as you look over your shoulder at him to see his face is red and sweaty.

You turn around and wrap your arms around John’s neck as the two of you walk back to the bedroom, and you keep your lips pressed to his the whole time. He gently lays you down on the bed and crawls on top of you, gazing at you.

“My pretty girl.” John rubs the back of his hand against your cheek and smiles as he moves lower between your legs. He’s pressing kisses all over your thighs, purposely avoiding your pussy to tease you, “You’re so swollen for me.”

“You fucked my brains out last night, what do you expect?” you laugh, then you hum when he sucks on your thigh, leaving behind a red mark.

John wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you closer to him, and his beard against your thigh causes you to giggle. He licks along your pussy and smiles when he sits up to look at you, “Fucking delicious.”

You spread yourself open further for John and smirk, “Worship me, John.”

John immediately buries his face between your legs and licks you feverishly, and you arch your back and moan softly. He reaches for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours as you sit up a little to watch him.

John’s tongue is incredible and the longer he’s between your legs, the faster you’re on your way to an orgasm. You want to finish tonight with John on top of you, so you grab his bicep and squeeze it to get him to look up.

“Come here.” you whisper and watch John as he crawls back up to, pressing kisses to your body along the way, “You’re so good to me.”

You smile at John as he pulls his shirt over his head, then you open your mouth to moan when he slips back in between your legs. Closing your eyes, you place your hand on John’s chest as he slowly rolls his hips, hitting your hidden spot relentlessly.

“Look at me.” John whispers, leaning closer to your face, “Look at me, baby.”

You slowly open your eyes and moan loudly when John starts rubbing circles on your sensitive clit, “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.”

John’s breathing is getting heavier, and he’s slowly laying down on top of you, which means he’s nearing his end already, and you don’t blame him one bit. You tilt your head back and put your hands above your head, holding tight to the bars on the headboard as John lays down on top of you. A thin layer of sweat covers your bodies, causing you and John to stick to one another, and you wrap one arm around John’s neck when he jerks his hips so hard that you scoot up the bed further.

You push John’s shoulders a little, then roll over onto your side as John positions himself between your legs again. He places his hand on your thigh and lifts up your leg a little to move in deeper, and the two of you moan in unison. John is breathing heavily against your neck, and he wraps his left arm over your chest to grab your breast. You tilt your head back a little to kiss him, and you smile when you see him looking at you.

“You’re all I think about.” he whispers in your ear and presses a kiss to your cheek when you moan, “You like that?”

“What you’re doing or what you said? Because I like both.” you laugh and look back at him again. “Harder, John.”

John keeps a tight grip on you as he thrusts his hips harder and harder, and you bury your face in the pillow as you let out a scream of pleasure.

“Look at me.” he pulls you closer to his chest and smiles when you look at him, “Look at me when you come.”

He leans closer and smiles as he jerks his hips harder, spilling into you as you come with him. Your body quivers as you’re overcome with pleasure, and John keeps a tight grip on your hip to keep you on his cock as you slowly roll your hips and ride out your orgasm.

“Mmm,” John hums as he kisses you and rolls you over onto your back, “My sweet girl.”

“I can’t deny how much I love that.” you whisper against his lips, “When you call me your girl.”

“You are my girl.” his gaze drops from your eyes to your lips, and he bites his bottom lip when you smile a little. “I love you.”

You nod your head and close your eyes, “Yeah, I love you too.”

You wrap your arms around his neck as John sneakily slides his hand between your legs and rubs you gently. You hold John’s gaze for a moment before kissing him until your mouth starts to hurt. He presses a kiss to your forehead before laying on the bed, then he inhales deeply then slowly lets it out as he looks up at ceiling.

“Sorry.”

You roll on your side and prop your head up, “For what?”

“Well, we were having fun with those cards.” he frowns a little and looks over at you, “Then I got carried away.”

“It’s okay,” you laugh as you get off the bed, and you head back into the living room to grab the cards. You grab a bottle of water for the two of you, then quickly walk back to the bedroom, “Look, we can still do some more.”

John takes the bottle of water from you and nearly drinks the whole thing within twenty seconds. He offers you the last of it, and you laugh as you trade him the cards for the water.

“Okay, let’s see…” he shuffles through the cards and smiles, “First car? My first car was…well, I worked mostly in New York when I was younger, so I would just get a car from my…”

“We’ll just say employer.”

John laughs, “Sure. Or Aurelio would give me a car to drive, so I guess my first car would be my car now.”

You smile at John and cup his face, “That’s sweet that Helen bought you your first car.”

“Yeah,” he nods and shuffles through the cards, “How about you?”

“Okay, well, for starters, no one bought my car for me.” you laugh and look at John, “It was my car that got Tess and I here. A 1997 Ford Explorer.”

“I hated that car.” he laughs, leaning over to kiss you, “I’m sorry, but it was a piece of shit.”

You laugh loudly and nod, “It was, but when I lived back home, Dan knew someone who worked at an auto shop, so I always got it fixed for a lower price. Once I moved to New York though, that went out the window.”

“We really need to get you a car. A nice one. You deserve something really nice.”

Inhaling deeply, you nod again and grab the cards from John, “I do. Next question.”

You spread the cards out in your hand and put them out for John to chose one. His hand hovers over them and he pulls out a card in the middle of the stack.

“Ooh,” you perk up and look at John, “If you could relive a year in your life, what age would you chose?”

He looks up and gestures to you, “You first.”

“You’ve lived longer than I have, and you’ve been through more, so you go first.”

John furrows his brow as he laughs and he leans over to kiss you, “Fine. Uh, I actually don’t wish to relive any year. I really like my life now, and I like the way my life is going. Months ago you told me to stop thinking ten steps ahead and you told me that I needed to just live in the moment with you, and I have. So, I wouldn’t want to relive any year.”

A smile spreads across your face as you and John look at each other. You’re honestly a little shocked that John didn’t say that he wanted to relive a year with Helen, then again, he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings.

“I truly mean that,” he says, tucking your hair behind your ear, “Don’t go thinking that I’m just being a kiss-ass. I really, really mean that, peach.”

“I don’t think I can top that one.” you laugh, “I would agree with you. I don’t wish I was living in any other year. I love this life, and I love the life that we’re creating together.”

“Are you sick of these cards yet?” John laughs as he takes them from you, “We still have quite a few left.”

You look out the window and see the rain has stopped and the clouds are finally starting to disappear.

“A little bit. How about we clean up the food, then sit on the deck for a bit?” you lean over to kiss John and look down at your bare chest, “And maybe put some clothes on.”

“I don’t know, I think you’d make a great nudist.” he says, laughing quietly as he moves your hair off your shoulder so he can get a better look at your chest.

You laugh as you get off the bed, “Yeah, well, with little miss Shiloh running around here, I’m not risking it.”

John chuckles as he gets off the bed and grabs some boxers and pulls a pair of pants on, buckling them as he walks over to you. After you pull on a summer dress, he reaches out for your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours as the two of you walk back into the kitchen.

“Oh, man.” you laugh when you see the mess you’ve made, and John smiles as he walks over to grab his shirt from the floor.

The two of you quickly put away your leftover food, pop the dishes in dishwasher, then you and John head for the patio. When John sees the chairs are covered in water from the rain, he turns around to grab some towels. Drying off your chair, he kisses your cheek when you sit down, then he pats his legs for you to put your feet in his lap.

“Perfect way to end the night.” he says, looking across the lawn and squinting his eyes a little, “Sunset looks beautiful.”

The sun is slowly setting, and the sky is like cotton candy. Blues, and pinks, but it’s slowly turning into a nice peachy color. The clouds are slowly disappearing, and you’re praying that tomorrow won’t be rainy even though this sunset is honestly one of the most beautiful ones you’ve ever seen.

“Actually, I do have a question for you: what is something I don’t know about you?”

“That’s a tough one.” John says and looks over at you, “You know pretty much everything there is to know about me.”

“Oh, I definitely don’t. Tell me about a job. Tell me about that horse story.” you laugh, “You said Jimmy would like to tell me, but I want to hear it from you.”

John’s cheeks turn a little red from embarrassment and he shrugs, not knowing what to say.

“You were in the city…” you say, trying to help John along. He grabs your feet in his hands and squeezes them as he sighs. “Jonathan, oh, my god. Just tell me.”

“Sorry.” he laughs and shakes his head, “It’s like I don’t even know where to start.”

“Wherever you’re comfortable.”

He takes a deep breath and sighs again, “Well, Bleu and I were just…running, and I had one coin left, so I used it to make sure Bleu would get to the hotel safely.”

“See, this is why I’m so in love with you. Well, one of the many reasons. Jonathan, you were running for your life, but you had Bleu and you knew you needed to keep him safe. You used your last coin to get him to safety.” you put your hand over your heart and smile, “My heart is literally going to burst out of my chest.”

“He’s important to me.” he says quietly, almost a little shy to admit it.

“I know he is, baby.” you lean forward and cup his face, “And he loves his dad.”

John presses a kiss to the palm of your hand, then watches as you sit back and wait for him to continue. “So, after I left Bleu, I…god, are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yes. Ten thousand percent.” you shake your head and smile, “John, I’m not going anywhere.”

He nods and exhales, “After I left Bleu, I had to…go to a few places. And anyway, I had no way to get away from these guys.”

“They were coming from everywhere?”

“Yeah,” he nods, looking up at you, “They were everywhere. Everyone was looking for me.”

“Can I ask you something?” you ask, and John immediately nods. “How much was it? Your…uh, your worth? I don’t know what else to call it.”

“Bounty.” he says, leaning his elbows on the table, “Well, it started out at seven, then went to 14. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where it went from there.”

You exhale and shake your head, “I can’t believe people can just…put a price tag on someone’s head like that. I mean, the guys that you get hired to deal with aren’t good people.”

“I’m not…innocent, you know?” John tries to hold your gaze, but he can’t, so he looks away.

You scoot closer to John and rest your hand on his forearm, “I don’t care what you’ve done in the past, or what you do now. Because I know, deep down, that you’re a good man. I know the people that you deal with aren’t good people. You’re special, Jonathan.”

John scoffs and shakes his head, then he starts to smile when he’s sees you’re being completely genuine.

“Do you remember when we watched that one movie? The guy was a real creep? Later that night I asked you if those were the kinds of people that you deal with, and you said yes. Then you told me that you couldn't even begin to tell me the things that they had done because it would make me sick?”

“Of course.” he says, nodding his head.

You let out a small laugh and squeeze his hand, “You're not like that, and you never have been. I know that. I know that you're a good guy and you would never hurt an innocent person or a child. I know that, and you know that. That's the line that you won't cross, and you have morals, John. That's why you're so special, and that's why you're not like those people.”

John reaches out and places his left hand on your cheek, “Thank you.”

“John, you do realize how selfless that was, right?” you ask, and John furrows his brow a little. “You were literally being hunted down. At any moment, you could have been killed. You could have easily left Bleu on the side of road.”

“Well…”

“Yeah, he tends to follow you around, I know.” you laugh, then get serious again, “But you could have left him, you could have just given him to some kid or something. But you didn’t. Because you, Jonathan Wick, have the most amazing heart, and you’re so fucking selfless. See, I really could go on and on about you.”

John leans over, pressing his lips to yours and smiles, “I like it.”

“You are going to be the best father, John.” you murmur against his lips, then lean your forehead against his for a moment. “I got off track, keep going with your story.”

“Anyway, I was running and had no way of transportation, so I ran into a…stable.” he says, laughing when he sees your face.

“Like…for the horses that take people on carriage rides?”

“I think?” he shrugs, “I have no idea. I just got in there and tried to stay alive. Got a horse, got the fuck out.”

You put your hand over your mouth as you laugh, “So, what does this have to do with Jimmy?”

“He saw it!” he laughs, “I guess he saw me. He has to tell you the story though, he’ll act the whole thing out.”

The two of you continue laughing, and it slowly fades as you watch the sunset. Every so often, John squeezes your leg to get your attention, and he smiles when you look at him. He takes a deep breath and sighs contently.

“So, what about you? What’s something I don’t know about you?”

“Hmm…” you look up at the sky as you think, then you clasp your hands tight, “I, uh, have never told you this. I should have probably told you sooner, and when you told me about Helen, it was the perfect time. I know you’re going to probably be mad at me, but…I have been married before.”

John looks at you carefully, trying his hardest to read your face. He furrows his brow and shakes his head, “Nope.”

“Yup.” you nod, “His name was Justin. We were 19, and we…just went to Vegas and got married.”

“Really? What did mom do?”

You widen your eyes and grimace, “She was pretty mad, but after she met him, she really liked him and she came around.”

“She liked him?” he asks, frowning a little. “I thought she didn’t like anyone you dated…except me.”

“Oh, she loved him.”

“Why did you never tell me this?” he asks, then he starts to smile when you laugh loudly, “You are so full of shit.”

“Don’t lie, I had you for a moment there!” you laugh as you sit in his lap, “You were so sad for a minute. Aw.”

John shrugs a little and kisses your cheek, “I won’t lie, I was sad for a moment. I want to be the only man you ever marry.”

“And you will be.”

__

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[vegetasleftsock]

A Devil’s Smile (Vegeta x OC)

Part 1

Chapter 2

Saturday morning arrived. Golden sunbeams poured through open blinds in a window next to Milla’s bed. Waking up, she blinked a couple of times to try to adjust to the light.

“No use,” Milla thought to herself. “My eyelids feel like they weigh ten pounds each.”

She shifted onto her stomach and plopped her head straight into her pillow.

“So soft.”

Milla breathed in the scent of her pillow in a deep breath. It smelled like apples- the scent of her favorite fabric softener.

Suddenly a wave of realization and horror washed over Milla. She used her arms to push herself up from the pillow, eyes wide.

“Oh my god, what time is it?” Milla whispered aloud. She flipped over and began to rummage through the sheets to try to find her phone.

“Where is it?” Milla said, frantic. “Fuck!”

She unravelled her comforter and shook it until her phone made a loud thud on the floor.

“9:52? No! Fucking shit!”

“3 missed calls?? All from Janice?? Great.”

Milla clicked on the missed call and the phone began to ring. As she was waiting for the phone to pick up, she rushed to the closet, pulling her oversized t-shirt over her shoulders as she walked.

“Hello?” the voice in the phone said.

“Hey, yea,” replied Milla while hopping into one leg of her black slacks. “Is Janice there?”

“No, she left to run errands. Joey’s here though, I’ll give you to him,” said the voice.

“Thank you, dear angels above, for watching over me,” Milla breathed a sigh of relief that it was Joey, her bandmate and coworker that she was going to have to talk to and not her boss, Janice.

“Ya, you’re welcome. Although, I don’t know if I’d fall under the category of angel,” Joey laughed.

“Joey, I overslept.” Milla said.

“No shit. I told Janice I sent you to try to get more of that special printer ink from the Office Depot off of 5th,” Joey said.

“You told me that printer ink was discontinued,” Milla said, with a ponytail holder in between her teeth. Her hands stayed busy pulling her hair back and brushing out bumps with her fingers.

“Uh-huh. But I didn’t tell her that,” Joey said. “That way when you get here and you show up empty handed, at least you have a reason, ya know?”

“Oh ok, nice! Damn, Joey- I owe you!” Milla said.

“Just get me a pack of cigs and some pretzels for lunch and we’ll call it even.”

“You got it. Thanks again, friend.” Milla smiled.

“No problem bud. See ya soon.” Joey replied, and then hung up the phone.

Milla took one last look in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail and silver jewelry hung from her ears. The jewelry was vintage and an emerald sat in the middle of each earring. The earrings were a prized possession- her grandmother gave them to her the year she started college.

A black blouse with floaty long sleeves and a bow tied loosely around her neck hung slightly off her small frame. The all black outfit made her look put together- professional. Greatly contrasting from the persona she wears at home and on stage during her performances.

A black and white cat curled through Milla’s legs as she leaned against her dining room chair to strap her tall chunky heels onto each foot.

“Okay, Chomps. I promise I’ll feed you in just a moment.”

Chomps continued to rub his head against her ankles and calves aggressively. Just as Milla placed her foot to the floor to walk to the cabinet where she kept the cat food, Chomps placed his teeth on her ankle and bit down- hard.

“OW, fuck, Chomps! Seriously?” Milla yelled. “I said I was on my way to feed you!”

Blood trickled down her ankle onto her heel, but she was already late. No time to waste.

Milla opened the cabinet and pulled out a measuring cup to portion Chomps’s food. He obviously had an food obsession issue. She dumped the food into his bowl, grabbed her keys and ran out the door.

She sat down into her small silver Jetta and started the engine. As she started her car, it reminded her of the night before.

That guy- the one with the black, spiky hair and the death glare. Milla allowed herself to reflect and replay her interaction with him.

She never even got his name. Not that she really cared. What was his problem? He approached her after the show at her car for what reason?

If he wanted to hurt her or be a pervert, there was nothing stopping him. Milla was strong for her small stature, but she was nothing compared to him. He was clearly ripped. She could tell by every muscle in his toned arms, folded over his chest that also appeared to be rock solid. His shoulders were big and built and even though he wasn’t the tallest guy she had ever met, he still towered over her.

“Too bad he’s fucking odd. He’s hot.” Milla thought to herself.

Before she could think any further about the situation, Milla had arrived at work. She walked through the front doors of the doctor’s office and found her desk, acting like she wasn’t an hour and a half late.

“Good morning, Milla. Did you find anything at the Office Depot? I really need that ink.” Janice, the office manager and Milla’s boss said.

Milla took a deep breath and spun around in her chair to face Janice.

“Janice, I’ve got some bad news about that. They discontinued the ink.”

“I have a hard time believing that,” Janice said. “Did you ask to speak to the manager?”

“I did,” Milla said. “I even asked the manager to call the distributor and they said it’s production has been indefinitely suspended.

“Great,” Janice sighed. “Next time can you clock out if you’re going to take more than 30 minutes to drive across town? Thanks.” Without another word, she turned on her heel and left Milla at her desk alone.

“NeXt TiMe CaN YOu ClOck Out,” Milla mocked.

Even though Milla was annoyed by Janice’s never-ending passive aggressive remarks, she was relieved to be relatively unscathed throughout the day.

However, Milla didn’t get to take her lunch break, which means she didn’t have time to get Joey his thank you gifts for saving her behind.

Milla tied up any loose ends and threw her purse over her shoulder. She waved goodbye to her coworkers and she walked to the back of the office to find Joey.

“Hi, friend.” Milla said to Joey, who was slinging his Levi jean jacket over his broad shoulders.

Joey was about 6 foot, with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was average build, but his arms and legs were lanky.

Any girl would normally fawn over Joey, but Milla considered him to be like a brother.

“Heading out?” Joey said while grabbing his keys from his desk and sticking them into his jacket pocket.

“Yup. Let me take you out to dinner since I didn’t get to buy you pretzels and cigs.” Milla said, starting towards the back exit of the office.

“I’m down. As long as I get something to smoke and we go somewhere that has the big kind of pretzels.”

Milla laughed. “Sure thing, dude.”

They both climbed into Milla’s Jetta and started driving to one of their favorite breweries, not far from the bar they perform at every Friday night.

On the drive over, Milla lit Joey a joint and told her the story of the guy from the bar. How he met her at her car, got defensive, but never even tried to lay a hand on her.

Joey took a puff and laughed. He told Milla that he assumed the mystery man was probably too nervous to tell her that she was pretty.

Once they got to the brewhouse, they ordered a full flight of beer, pretzels, and a medium pepperoni and basil pizza to share.

They discussed work, talked shit about Janice, and Joey talked about his multiple sketchy encounters with recent hookups.

“Alright, you ready to call it a night?” Joey said.

“Ugh, no I really wanted to finish my beer. It’s only 9:30.” Milla said, pouting at Joey.

“Normally I would stay with you, but I have to meet my mom for breakfast at 8. She’ll have my neck if I’m not there.”

“Understood.” Milla said.

“I’ll just grab an Uber so you don’t have to drive. You should too. Call me if you need anything and please be careful.” Joey said, knowing he couldn’t convince her to leave.

“Ew, you’re not my dad.” Milla laughed. “But yes, I will be extra careful if you insist.”

“Thanks.” Joey patted Milla on the back before heading outside to catch his ride.

About 15 minutes later, Goku, Bulma and Krillin walked into the brewery. They sat at the bar, close enough to Milla to get a hint of who she was.

Goku squinted at Milla. “Hmmm..”

“What is it, Goku?” Krillin asked.

“I feel like I’ve seen that girl somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on where.”

“Ha! I know,” Bulma laughed. “That’s the girl that got Vegeta all flustered!”

“From yesterday? The singer?” Goku asked. “She looks so different!”

“She probably works, Goku. Singing isn’t usually super lucrative.” Bulma explained.

“But she’s so good at it!” Goku said. “Excuse me, miss?”

Goku had moved over so that he and Milla were a seat apart. He tapped on her shoulder to get her attention.

“Uh- Hi.” Milla smiled. “Do I know you?”

The guy appeared relatively harmless and the two friends who joined him gave off good vibes. Milla decided to lessen her guard a little.

“Not really. We saw you sing last night. I just wanted to let you know that we all really enjoyed it!” Goku smiled. “By the way my name is Goku and these are my friends, Krillin and Bulma.”

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m Milla. Thanks for the compliment and for coming out last night. I’d love to see y’all there next Friday as well.” Milla beamed, cheeks a little pink from the alcohol.

“I wouldn’t mind going again,” Bulma said. “Your singing is great but it was pretty great to watch Vegeta get all flustered too.” She laughed.

It suddenly clicked for Milla. The blue haired girl and the guy with the nice smile were the ones who were at the table with the grumpy mystery man.

“Vegeta?” Milla moved her head to the side a little. “That’s the guy who got embarrassed and left after I flirted with him, right?”

“Yup. That’s Vegeta!” Goku laughed. “He’s a little hard around the edges but he’s a good guy.”

“Hard around the edges. That’s one way to explain it.” Milla said eyebrows raised. She took another swig of her stout beer.

“Wait-,” Krilled said. “You sound like you know Vegeta.”

“Hardly.” Milla smiled. “He approached me at my car after the show.”

Bulma laughed. “So that’s where he went! It doesn’t sound like he made the best impression.”

Milla puffed up her chest and held her arms out to the side like she had big muscles. “If you knew who you were talking to, you wouldn’t be laughing. Foul woman!” Milla said, imitating Vegeta.

The four of them shared a laugh before Goku was pulled off his barstool.

“Kakarot! Did you forget about our night training? I’ve been waiting for over 30 minutes and I find you HERE of all places, doing god knows what with-“

Before Vegeta could continue, Milla placed her hand on Vegeta’s shoulder.

“Dude. Shut up, relax. Drink a beer or something before your head explodes.”

Vegeta’s face pulled in a snarl as he looked to see who would have the nerve to say such a thing. His eyes met with Milla’s and his expression turned from anger to shock.

Bulma, Goku, and Krillin sat and watched. They were surprised at Milla’s bluntness with volatile and moody Vegeta.

“You,” Vegeta said, brushing Milla’s hand off of his shoulder. “What are you doing here? Are you all just friends now or something?”

“And what does it matter to you?” Milla laughed.

“Ugh.” Vegeta scoffed. “You’re intoxicated.”

He crossed his arms and inhaled the air again. “And you’re bleeding.”

“What?” Milla furrowed her brow in confusion. She was definitely weirded out again.

He leaned down to follow the smell.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Milla cursed at Vegeta.

“Here.” Vegeta brushed his finger against the bite marks on her ankle. “Looks like some kind of small animal marked you.”

Milla then remembered that this morning she didn’t have time to attend to her wound from Chomps.

“Oh, you’re right. That was Chomps.” Milla and Vegeta’s eyes met once more.

“Wow, Vegeta! That’s crazy how you knew that just by smelling.” Goku said.

Vegeta scoffed and rolled his eyes in response.

“Who’s Chomps?” Krillin asked.

“My cat. He bites when he’s hungry, so I named him Chomps.” Milla said.

“Hmph. Your cat and I have something in common then.” Vegeta said while giving Milla a sly grin.

“Kakarot, I’ll let you play your little games for now. But I will not be as lenient if you fail to show for training tomorrow morning. ON TIME.”

Before Milla could even process Vegeta’s words, he had already left.

“Looks like someone has a little crush on Milla,” Bulma said and gave Milla an encouraging wink.

“What’s his deal?” Milla asked. “Why can’t he just buy me a beer or ask me out like any normal human being.”

“Probably because he’s a Saiyan!” said Goku. “And so am I!”

“A what?” Milla said, looking lost.

“I can explain it all later,” Bulma said. “If you’re free you should come over to my place tomorrow night and I can fill you in. I could make dinner for everyone!”

“Are you sure we can’t do it tonight,” Goku whined. “I’m hungry.”

“Goku, you just cleared the wing place we went to of their entire inventory for the week. You don’t think you can wait until tomorrow?” Krillin asked.

“I guess.” Goku pouted. He quickly perked up. “Can you come, Milla? It’d be so fun to have you there!”

“Sure, I can go.” Milla said. She was apprehensive, but the kind nature of the three in front of her and the craft beer bubbling through her system told her to not worry about it.

“Great! Do you have an iPhone?” Bulma asked.

Milla dug in her pockets and pulled out her iPhone.

“Awesome,” Bulma said. “I’ll just connect to your phone through mine and give you all of our numbers, and it’ll put your number into our phones.”

At this point, Milla was ready to go home and sleep. She nodded her head in agreement.

“You look tired Milla, do you need a ride home?” Krillin asked, aware of how quiet Milla had gotten.

“Please.” Milla replied, her eyes fighting to stay open.

“I can help. Where do you live?” Goku said.

“Apple Cove apartments. Not too far from the Sprint skyscraper.” Milla said.

“Got it! Put your hand on my shoulder.” Goku smiled at Milla, helping her onto her feet from the bar.

“It’s okay, Goku I can walk.” Milla said.

“Just trust me.” Goku looked down at Milla and held his hand out.

Milla reluctantly gave her hand to Goku and he placed it on his shoulder. Milla’s arm was almost completely extended, making the height difference between the two of them glaringly obvious.

Krillin chuckled. “Man, I thought I was short.”

“Bye Milla! See you tomorrow at the party!” Bulma said as she waved.

“Bye, nice meeting you. See you tomorrow.”

Goku placed his fingers to his forehead and before Milla could blink again, she was in front of her apartment complex.

“Holy shit, am I really that drunk?” Milla said, eyes wide.

“It’s instant transmission. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I’m not even going to crack open that can of worms tonight,” Milla said before hiccuping.

“Is it okay if I walk you to your apartment?” Goku asked.

“No really, you’ve done a lot. Thank you for all your kindness.” Milla said.

“Please. I wouldn’t feel too good if anything bad happened to you.” Goku said while scratching the back of his neck.

“Okay-“ Milla said reluctantly. “Promise you’re not creepy?”

“I don’t think I’m creepy?” Goku said innocently while looking at Milla.

“I don’t think you are either,” Milla chuckled between hiccups.

Goku walked Milla to her apartment, made sure she was settled, and even fed Chomps.

She was fast asleep by the time he was ready to go home. Goku pressed his fingers to his forehead and transmitted to the kitchen of Capsule Corp.

“Boy am I starving!” Goku said while rubbing his stomach.

“Kakarot.” Vegeta said, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Oh, hi Vegeta,” Goku said with his head in the fridge. “Did you come to get snacks too?”

“What I was doing in this kitchen before you got here is none of your business.” Vegeta said, pushing the bags of fruit snacks further into the pocket of his black sweatpants.

“Oh. Okay.” Goku said. “That Milla girl is really nice, the singer one?”

“So that’s her name. She has an attitude,” Vegeta stated plainly.

“I’m guessing that’s something you like in women.” Goku shrugged, a plate with an entire turkey in his hands.

“Kakarot-“ Vegeta growled, stepping closer to Goku.

“Good news, she’s coming to Bulma’s get together tomorrow night. You’ll get to spend more time with her. If you play your cards right, you might be able to have a normal conversation with her too.” Goku laughed.

“Why do you smell of her?” Vegeta asked.

“I took her home. She was pretty drunk and I didn’t want her to try to make it home alone.” Goku said in between bites. “You could’ve taken her if you would’ve stayed longer.

Vegeta scoffed and walked out of the room. “Training. 8 AM. DON'T be late.”

[platypanthewriter]

Strangest 1: Pandora’s Trunk

Strangest takes place the same night as the climax of season two, after Steve and Billy’s fight and Joyce Byer’s BF died.  (Did Tumblr eat chapters 1-3?  Did I never post them?  I do not know!  I couldn’t find them, so here’s the first!)

It totally made sense that Max would stay with Lucas and Dustin in the blanket fort that was taking over the living area of the Byers house. And of course El and Mike had laid claim to the table, where it looked like they were assembling crowns and helmets, of Will’s design.

Mrs. Byers and Hopper had taken over Adulting, which was a relief, and Steve had ducked out amidst a general explosion of affectionate profanity and hair ruffling. Through the window, he could see them tearing hot chocolate packets open--he watched Mrs. Byers teasing the kids with different mismatched mugs, and cocked his head. He didn’t really fit in there, he thought, in the blanket fort, or in the tense kitchen after the kids retreated to their realm. He definitely didn’t belong wherever Jonathan and Nancy had disappeared to. It made sense for him to leave.

The fog had lifted, and he willed his shoulders to unclench, all the while trying to figure out the closest place to his bed to hide his bat. An evening project to keep him from thinking about his completely empty house. His house was also fine, since he was not injured, or twelve years old, and had working light switches. Logically, it was over. His brain just wasn’t catching up to breaking news.

He sat more heavily against the Camaro, and it thumped back, which provoked an, again, entirely logical windmilling tumble as Steve tried to keep the bat and both eyes pointed at it all the while scrambling away on three limbs. After a moment of eye-burning terror, he recognized the pattern of sound as kicking and a lot of things Max’ brother probably didn’t need to be calling her, and he stood with a nervous spin, yanking his jacket straight.

He took a breath and held it, rolling his shoulders as he looked back at the cheerily lit Byer’s house with every light on, and back to the car bouncing with the booted feet slamming against the inside of the trunk. After several paced circuits of the car, Billy’s voice had stopped threatening. He was laughing, slamming himself around in there, his voice getting higher. Steve scrabbled at his hair, sliding his hands down to cover his face. He really wasn’t sure any kind of logic applied to Billy Hargrove.

If he let Billy out here, he might just run in there and Hopper would have to shoot him, in front of a ton of little shitheads who had barely escaped being eaten by monsters today. If he just...drove him to his house, somebody would eventually let him out, and...would Max let him out?! Steve groaned to himself, long and slow, because if they were anything like Steve’s parents, Billy Hargrove’d be no trouble to anyone ever again, after he died because nobody looked for him and Steve Harrington knowingly left a human being in the trunk of a car. 

Steve took a few deep breaths, idly walking back around to regard the open car window, and the keys on the seat. He looked back at the house for one long hopeful moment, to see Hopper patting Joyce on the back as she threw weak punches into his shoulders, flailing before he caught her against his jacket. They swayed there in silhouette, their shoulders shaking. Steve sighed. He kicked the trunk. The thumping stopped, then exploded again, and Steve banged again.

“Listen,” he started, and the banging stopped, for long enough that Steve thought it would have been better if he had something to say. “I didn’t leave you in there, and I can’t let you out--” the banging started again in earnest, along with a lot of “fuck”s, “bitch”s, and demands about Max--it was a good thing Hopper’d put music on in the house. “Max is fine! She’s inside--I’ll let you out somewhere else, do you want me to take you home, or--” the thumping stopped.

“Where the fuck is that freak, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill you, you fucking--” Steve banged the trunk again, and Billy pounded back, screaming incoherently.

“Mrs. Byers called your house, Max is staying over!” he tried, on the off-chance this could just suddenly turn into a normal, post-monster, partially kidnapped conversation. “I’LL TAKE YOU HOME, THEN,” he said loudly into the seam of the trunk, and Billy started struggling again.

“Max has to go home,” the muffled, furious voice yelled back, pounding and scraping at the inside of the trunk loudly enough that he was probably injuring himself, and Steve thought it was completely unfair the death threats were still audible. “I’ll be back here the second you open this fucking trunk, Harrington, I’ll drag her back by the fucking hair, I’ll tie it to my car, I’ll run over her corpse, I’ll drive through their fucking house--”

Peaceful options exhausted, Steve climbed in the car, leaning his face on the steering wheel as the car shook with Billy’s screaming fury, and took another deep breath. Count on Steve Harrington to forget how to breathe, he thought, only been doing it for sixteen years. Only Steve Harrington wouldn’t have figured it out enough to let it run in the background. By the time they were halfway to Steve’s house, Billy’d stopped yelling. Occasionally there’d be another kick.

By the time Steve pulled in the garage, he was worried enough about exhaust fumes as a new method of involuntary manslaughter he ran right around and banged on the trunk about six times. “Hargrove! William Whatever Hargrove, you answer me, say you’re alive.” He leaned against it, panting, feeling like he’d aged sixty years in body and vocabulary. The trunk thumped back, and Steve slid down to sit against it, reminding himself to breathe, which was apparently something he did now. He’d probably fail his remaining classes, trying to study while remembering to breathe. How would he hold down a job? He’d show up for the interview and have to say “I’m Steve Harrington, and sometimes I forget to breathe.”

The trunk was silent again, and after a while getting his lungs some breathing practice again--maybe they’d take to it--Steve thumped it again. “We’re at my place. If I let you out and call for pizza will you please not kill anyone.” It came out tiredly even.

“What the fuck,” came from the trunk. “Gonna get the police here, tell ‘em I attacked you like a psycho, have your mommy and daddy hold yo--”

Steve banged the heel of his hand on the trunk again. “Nobody else is here. Look, it’s pizza or trunk. We can figure this out in the morning. Promise you won’t do anything to Max.”

The banging in the trunk was taking on a rhythm, and Steve banged over it. “Fucker. Tell me you won’t rat Max out, I’ll let you out.”

Billy began screaming lyrics to his beat, and Steve groaned, letting his head thunk against the trunk, before doing the math on how long Billy’d been in there, and how little he knew about the random syringe Max had shot him up with, and he opened the trunk. Billy’s ankles and wrists were duct-taped together, wedged in, and he swore roundly as he tried to cover his face. “Come on,” Steve sighed, standing to the side where he hoped he was out of range, but reaching over to rip the duct tape off Billy’s ankles. Billy was laughing, inexplicably, holding his arms over his face.

Steve sighed. “Can you walk.”

“Anyway you want, Princess,” Billy giggled.

“Come on,” Steve stood over by the door, arms crossed as he watched Billy kick a bit out the side of the trunk, then get himself rolled sideways. He scrabbled before landing on the cement with a thud, and lay there, laughing harder. It was starting to sound growly again, and Steve rethought his impulse to offer help. “I’m getting pepperoni. With olives.”

When Billy finally staggered in from the garage, Steve had called for the pizza. He turned to see the door slam shut, and Billy slide down it, gnawing at the duct tape around his wrists. His hands were purple.

Steve slammed a few kitchen drawers and stalked over with the carving knife, and Billy went very still, watching him crouch, and allowing him to pull the duct tape close enough to slide the knife up.

When Steve finished slicing, he tossed the knife behind him at random, grabbing one purple hand and rubbing it until it felt like a hand again and not a dissection frog. “Jesus. Max thought you were gonna kill me. And Lucas. Don’t sell her out.”

Billy drew a shaky breath. “And you’re not gonna tell your fancy lawyer dad I broke your face.”

“...my dad’s not a lawyer,” Steve frowned at him, --“Hopper’d probably have locked you up.” He placed the warmed hand on Billy’s knee, and moved on to rub life back into the other one.

“So I behave,” Billy sneered. “Be a good little cunt.”

“Wish the fucking pizza would get here,” Steve muttered, sinking down against the arm of the couch that let him see the whole living room, kitchen, and stairs. When the pizzas arrived, his kidnapping victim shoved by him to drop into that favoured spot on the couch, and Steve sighed.

When morning came, Steve called Max, and she agreed to Billy picking her up for a ride home. After he left, Steve stood in his silent house, getting a little more breathing practise in as his vision started to haze around the edges, thinking of all the things Billy Hargrove wasn’t, like an underground tunneler, or a demogorgon. Billy Hargrove was from Risky Business, not Alien. He was the sweaty “enhanced human” Khan.

Steve forgot about his breathing regimen entirely as he imagined Billy Hargrove in the cast from Grease, and laughed ‘til he choked. Shaking his head, he leaned back against the door, and rubbed his face. All day at school when his brain started to remind him of the previous week, he’d imagine Billy Hargrove as Danny Zuko, shimmying down his Camaro with Tommy behind him trying to carry a tune.

Hopper called that day, to tell him that Mr. Hargrove had called the cops the last two nights on Billy driving around at night, and they’d escorted him home from close to Steve’s house. “In case he ran somebody over drunk. I hear stuff, kid.” The doubt came clearly through his voice. “I don’t know that he’s headin’ for you, but I don’t know that he’s not.” Steve took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, completing the line for himself--maybe keep that bat handy.

“Thanks, Hopper,” he tried the nickname aloud.

Hopper huffed a laugh and hung up.

Billy Hargrove was back at Steve’s house three nights later, serenading under his window. Steve looked longingly at his ski boots, but lifted the sash without projectiles in hand. “What the hell,” he shouted back.

“Lemme in or I’ll tell my dad you offer rides to Max all the time!” Billy yelled up. “Alone!”

Steve, who had gone to an in-class-only new sleeping schedule, suddenly wished his vocal cords could produce the earsplitting rage screeches from Ghostbusters, but let his head thud against the glass in surrender before he went down and unlocked the door. “The fuck do you want, Hargrove,” he squinted up at the moon. “Are you a werewolf, is this where I die.” Later, he’d think, that moment would have been the time to call Hopper.

Billy shouldered him aside as he opened the door, cigarette in hand and reeking of sweat, cologne, beer, and...cooking sherry? It was both reminiscent of and an improvement on Steve’s great-aunt, who usually smelled like baby powder, cat pee, and creme de menthe. Steve’s lungs apparently appreciated it, because they decided to do their job for once without his constantly reminding them. He scrabbled angrily at his hair, before tromping into the kitchen to start making some Folger’s. When the microwave beeped, he stirred in about half the remaining jar of crystals, and went to see why there was no noise happening anywhere.

The couch was covered in Violent Highschool Stranger, under a blanket. Steve dropped into a chair, watching the knee-lumps and elbow-lump stay very still. He wondered whether he’d sleep better upstairs with an unpredictable problem on the couch, and whether suggesting a movie would get his face beaten in--with admirable calm, he thought.

He also thought of not living alone--having a mom like Mrs. Byers, or a sister like Nancy, and imagined what they'd do if they came in and saw he'd brought Billy Hargrove, the guy who almost beat him to death, into his house twice. They'd probably murder him, he thought, and then murder Billy. And then him again--this had to be at least a three-murder event on the Stupidity Scale. Hopper would probably have even more to say. It was a strangely comforting thought, except they weren’t here, and Billy Hargrove was. He didn’t seem to want to break Steve’s nose again, but then he hadn’t given that much warning the first time, either.

Between Steve’s new not-sleeping regime and thinking about the Byer’s ceiling, map taped everywhere, Billy’s fists hitting his face, the world had just started to tilt a bit when the blanket said “Take a picture, Princess, you can jack off to it at night,” and Steve lifted his coffee stew and breathed in the smell.

“What didja think I did with that blanket,” he tried, and watched it get flung as Billy scrambled as far from it as possible, thudding onto his back off the side of the couch, and Steve realized he was laughing again, wheezing with his hand against his face. When he finally looked up, Billy was brushing himself off, straightening his jacket, and Steve imagined the look on his own face after his trunk had thumped back. “Nah, I didn’t.” He patted his lip where the grin had stretched it, glancing down to check for blood. “Much.” When Billy’s hackles raised further, Steve shouted over his rising glower. “How about Star Wars?”

“Hell is wrong with you,” Billy muttered, but settled in the corner of the couch, apparently waiting for Steve to set up the movie. By the time C-3P0 was trying to get to Obi-Wan, Billy’d passed out against the arm, his boots tucked up between the cushions. The smell of cooking sherry intensified, and the glint Steve noticed against the black leather and laces proved to be a hunk of broken glass. There was more in the boot treads, and he could see a couple very small pieces caught in Billy’s shirt and hair. It was hard not to imagine the bank-robbing explosion Billy Hargrove would be walking away from, but his car was parked right out front, hard to miss, if the cops were looking for him. Steve had never seen a SWAT team. Count on them to miss out on actual monsters and chase Billy Hargrove to his house, he thought, indignantly sleepy, and shivered awake hours later, to fogging breath and the white noise of the TV. He groaned, leaning forward to flap one arm at the remote, and switched off the TV. In the dark, he realized the slight rasp of Billy’s breathing had stopped.

“...don’t die on my couch,” he mumbled, frowning into the darkness, which remained dark, but the normal, fridge-humming kind of dark, not the strange blue fluttering darkness where Dustin had screamed. He breathed in stale cigarette smoke and cooking sherry.

Billy snorted. “Just for you.”

He was back in the safer kind of movie, again, Steve thought muzzily, kids having sleepovers. There were movies where killers interrupted sleepovers, but they were humans, not monsters, and anyway he was not actually having a slumber party with Billy Hargrove: Probable Bank Robber. He felt around next to the couch for the blanket, and pulled it clumsily over them. It occurred to him he hadn’t actually asked. “Sooooo...you rob a bank?” he tried, keeping it casual.

“Sure did,” Billy scoffed, “--shot four guys, too. And there’s a stolen police car out there.”

“Oh, it’s that kind of movie.” Steve squirmed down against the back of the couch, letting his head fall against his arms in the safe darkness. The blanket fell over his face.

“You’re not going to call the cops and tell them you’ve got a bank robber?” Billy kicked him, and Steve batted weakly at his foot, eyes sliding shut again.

“Watch it, you--broken glass...shoe.”

He woke to the fading smell of cooking sherry, and blinked slowly at the ceiling, the sudden deep sleep disorienting after he’d thought he’d never sleep again outside of Biology class. “...wha--um,” he muttered, scrambling to look around. There was no sign of his home invader. He wondered how many murders “falling asleep with Billy ‘bank punching’ Hargrove a foot away” rated on the Idiot Scale, he had to be up to, oh, at least four. He felt a weird temptation to ask Nancy before first period. He fiddled with his locker, considering it. The line between her brows deepened, and probably became downright thunderous as he grinned awkwardly at she and Jonathan, turned on his heel, and walked off.

That day after basketball, in the showers, Tommy guffawed at the hand-shaped bruises on Billy’s upper arms. “Where were you last night? All night long, huh?” He leered, shifted to making long groans and grunting noises, and before Steve could catch himself, words fell out of his mouth.

“Those are huge, though, is your girlfriend Sylvester Stallone or--” he yelped as Billy shoved him against the wall, grin manic.

“What you trying to say, pretty boy King Steve?”

“I think he’s calling you a--” Tommy smacked the wall and showerhead on his way to the floor as Billy shoved his face. “A fucking faggot,” he yelled triumphantly, from the floor, as Steve wondered why he was allowed to open his mouth, ever, at all, and Billy tried to swing around and punch him and almost fell on his ass.

“It was my fucking dad, okay, it’s no big deal. My dad,” Billy was screaming between them, as they both dodged around, until the teacher and half the class shoved their way in and pulled him away. Steve fled. He dressed wondering how many more deserved Stupidity Murders he’d earned, getting in the communal shower with the guy who’d beaten his face in, and then opening his dumb fuckhead mouth and suggesting he’d had sex with Rambo. Nancy was in the hall listening to Billy yelling inside, when Steve ducked out of the locker room with his pants on but half his head still soapy, and she helped him rinse his hair in the drinking fountain.

“I think you and Hopper and Jonathan’s mom need to murder me about eleven times,” he told her, laughing, as he wiped water from his eyes. “I think I just asked Hargrove if he was gay, in the shower.” Her mouth fell open.

“Uh,” her eyebrows drew together as she looked at the locker room, but her mouth quirked, “--should we be running, then?”

“I probably should carry my bat,” he laughed, feeling around his ears one more time for soap, then grimacing and digging around in his bag for a sweaty gym shirt to rub on his head. When he pulled it out, she looked even more disgusted than he felt.

“I’ve got dry clothes in my locker. You can at least use a clean shirt.” She stuck her tongue out, trotting confidently off. “Bleah.”

Steve’s unfriendly neighborhood home invader didn’t reappear for over a week, but falling asleep to movies apparently worked, so he re-watched the beginnings of Rambo, Tron, and The Last Unicorn, discovered he could not fall asleep to Monty Python, and bought a much larger jar of Folger’s for mornings when even the dulcet tones of Winnie the Pooh hadn’t let his lungs work through the night without reminder.

The next time Billy showed up he just banged on the door, startling Steve out of the haze he’d fallen into during a Secret of NIMH song. Steve groaned, flapped unproductively at the remote to stop the animated mice, and then stumbled to his feet to make the door-abuse stop. The pounding continued through his shouted “I’m coming! I’m coming! ” until Billy Hargrove nearly fell in on top of him, half naked, and began hopping into the other half of his jeans.

“...what the hell.” Steve stared.

“What is that noise.” Billy scrambled to pull his jacket on, shivering, and nearly elbowed Steve in the face.

“...uh, it’s, um, mice?” Steve blinked at Billy’s face, which looked like it needed some frozen peas. “Uh. Lemme get you some frozen peas.” Billy tried to slam by him as usual, but Steve wasn’t good at basketball for nothing, and slid by the predictable motion on the way to the freezer. He tossed over the peas, proudly not adding to his Stupidity Gauge by getting within five feet of the half-naked feral in his kitchen. It seemed unlikely Billy had accused anyone of having sex with Sylvester Stallone in a communal shower, but the parallels to his Eleven On The Stupidity Murder Scale day were hard to discount. The shiner he was sporting looked exactly like Steve would have gotten if he hadn't escaped to the hallway. Focus, he thought.

“Make me some of that coffee,” Billy was shivering, glaring at the peas. If he’d been anyone else, Steve would have teasingly explained how to press frozen peas against a black eye, but given their last interaction, he just let his lips thin.

“Hot chocolate? I’ve got marshmallows.”

The furious disbelief Billy had focused on the peas turned to Steve’s face, amplified. “Did you just offer me marshmallows.”

“I have some,” Steve sighed, taking down his blue mug, and one that said Happy Anniversary. After a pause, he returned the anniversary mug to the cupboard, and grabbed one with a robin on it, filled them both with water, and stuck the robin in the microwave.

“Marshmallows.”

“Look, if you don’t like marshmallows, don’t eat any.” He pulled out the bag, the Swiss Miss, and the instant coffee.

“Rainbow marshmallows,” Billy observed scornfully. “You’re girlier than Max.”

“Everyone’s girlier than Max, except Hopper and Mrs. Byers,” Steve sighed. “Coffee or chocolate. I mix them sometimes.”

“You rebel,” Billy snorted. “Gimme some marshmallows. You call the Sheriff ‘Hopper’?” He held out a hand, finally lifting the other to his face, and wincing as he placed the peas against the swelling bruise. Steve had seen enough marshmallow bags absconded with to just drop some in the outstretched hand, the bag protectively at his side. He watched Billy start to drop the whole handful in his mouth, wince as he tried to open his mouth wide, and begin eating one at a time. “...kinda got to know him. Me and El and the, y’know,” he held his hand at waist level, picturing Dustin’s indignant protest, “Muppet babies.”

“Yeah, how’d that happen?”

Steve reminded himself to breathe. “Barb died. Bob died. You should be careful, you’ve got half the ‘b’s in your name.” He turned away as the microwave beeped.

“What.” Billy’s eyes narrowed.

“Is it raining?” Steve asked. “Why are you all wet?”

“Fuck off,” Billy said around his mouthful of marshmallows, and Steve shrugged, presenting the steaming mug, a spoon, the box of chocolate mix, and the Folger’s.

“I give you the bird,” he said grandly, tossing his mug in the microwave. Billy snorted, dumping three chocolate packets in the mug, and making grabby hands for the marshmallows.

Steve surrendered the bag, leaning against the counter by the microwave. He watched Billy wipe the water away that was trickling down his neck, and try to pretend he wasn’t shaking, dripping wet, in November. Steve stomped off for a towel, returning to throw it to Billy just before the microwave beeped. “Gimme back those girly marshmallows,” Steve began dumping powders in his mug, stirring industriously, before topping it with a pile of rainbow.

Billy stalked off to take Steve’s spot on the couch, before sliding off to flip through the laserdiscs. “Gonna punch these mice,” he muttered, lifting one, and flipped it to read the back. "You have movies for grownups? Whaddaya do when there aren't, like, singing frogs, you just fall asleep or--?"

"Oh no, not that one," Steve breathed, horrified. "That's Nancy's, it gave me nightmares."

"...IRA bombers?" Billy frowned up incredulously.

"No! It's a romance, it's awful, the guy falls in love with the girl and she has a dick and she thought he KNEW--"

"What," Billy's voice had gone flat.

"That night I dreamt I was in bed with Nancy for the first time and she took my clothes off and I was dickless with a secret pussy--"

"Everyone knows that, Harrington--"

"Shut your face, it was horrible, she just kept patting my hand sadly and she's a problem solver, you know, she kept going to the kitchen and getting, like, a banana, and the pepper grinder--"

The laserdisc sleeve drummed softly at Billy's head as he shook with laughter.

"And she just looked more and more disappointed and finally she said she had to leave, she couldn't cope with a relationship where she had to satisfy herself with a garlic press, and she was sure I'd be happier moving on--" Steve had been laughing too, at the image of Nancy earnestly presenting him with carnally unsatisfactory kitchen gadgets, but he sighed, rubbing his face. "Usually when I dreamed she'd dump me it was because I was invisible, or she was the president and she caught me setting up a kegstand in the--"

"I'm gonna call you 'Secret Pussy' forever," Billy interrupted.

"You will the hell not--"

"What?!" Billy laughed harder.

"I'm not a secret pussy, I'm secretly Kurt Russell, all my..." he slid further down in the couch, curling around his snickers, "--ten out of ten trick-or-treaters agree."

"You telling me you're half-blind, because it'd explain--" The doorbell rang, over and over, like a blaring red alert, along with voices and the thump of bicycles against the side of the house, and Steve scrambled up to reach the entryway before Dustin, Mike, and Will all fell in at once. "We need hot chocolate," Dustin said confidently, and Steve grimaced, thinking fast, before inwardly throwing his hands up and outwardly yelling "BILLY! Put on the kettle for hot chocolate!"

Silence fell, all three kids going still, but after a few seconds the couch creaked, and Billy walked into the kitchen, and the sink turned on.

“Is he holding you hostage,” Dustin whispered, eyes wide as he leaned around Steve’s shoulders.

“He’s probably eating marshmallows.” Steve raised his eyebrows at them, wondering whether it was stupid or just evil to allow the kids around Billy, who’d settled in, in a weird way, but also probably bit occasionally. Unprompted. He didn’t want any of his stupidity murders to be because someone got actually murdered.

“Will came for a sleepover,” Mike reported, glancing into the kitchen warily. “And we were gaming, and it was fine, but then there was a short in the kitchen and sparks and--”

Will sniffled, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. “I can’t call my mom,” he rolled his thin shoulders back, firming his chin as he looked up at Steve, “--she’ll never let me out again--”

“He started crying all crazy,” Dustin put in, ever helpful, to a general elbowing, “--and I said, Steve has hot chocolate, and a bat.”

“...ah,” Steve glanced at the kitchen. “Did you guys let her know you were coming here? So she doesn’t call and find you guys--”

“We called,” Mike laughed apologetically. “We said you invited us over.”

Billy tromped back out to the living room, presumably to sneer at singing mice, as Steve herded the tiny assholes towards hot chocolate.

“Why is he here,” Dustin whispered, very loudly, with his usual degree of subtlety. Mike and Will nodded, and Steve laughed, rubbing his face.

“It’s fine, we have classes together, he’s not going to do anything,” he tried weakly, and Will’s eyes narrowed.

“Do you need a distraction while we phone Hopper?” he asked softly under the noise of Steve getting more mugs and batting Dustin away from stress-eating all the marshmallows.

“Dustin could get your bat,” Mike suggested.

“Thanks, man, send Dustin out there,” Dustin sighed loudly.

“Dustin, get more marshmallows out of the garage,” Steve pointed, trying to channel Nancy’s no-nonsense tones. He flipped off the stove, opting for the hot chocolate prep that kept them all in the kitchen for a longer time. “Will, fill these up and microwave them one by one for two and a half minutes. Mike--” he glanced around, “--get spoons and see if there’s still whipped cream in the fridge.”

They slowly moved to obey, watching him closely as he began rifling the cupboard for candy canes. Steve vindictively didn’t point out the spoon drawer to Mike. It was one thing, he thought, expecting his stupidity assessments from Hopper or Nancy, but he was not having it from children that did things like try to raise demodogs in turtle cages.

Billy had settled in Steve's spot on the couch, as always--Steve rolled his eyes--and Steve headed for the other end, before noticing the kids standing in strained poses like awkward chainsaw art. "Ugh," Steve sighed, before dropping next to Billy, whose shoulders hunched around his hot chocolate.

"Okay, Will, you pick," he pointed.

"Pick this, Will," Dustin held up the animated Lord of the Rings.

"Shut up, Dustin," Mike threw a pillow at him, and Will yelped, dodging aside, before grabbing it and swiping Dustin.

Steve grinned. “I found the candy canes,” he told Billy, who turned another disbelieving look on him, as Will smacked Mike with a pillow, and it turned into a free-for-all between the three of them until Dustin crawled under the melee and put on The Hobbit. As soon as it loaded up, he plonked himself down next to Steve. Will sat cautiously next to him, and Mike dropped at the end, the quieter two studying their chocolate as Dustin elbowed Steve.

“Man, I been wanting to watch these without Lucas, he hates Return of the King--”

Mike grimaced over towards Billy at the sound of Lucas’ name. “Well, it is kinda silly. It’s for little kids.”

“It’s for Steve. He has to have the singing in there,” Billy put in, and Dustin leaned around to stare at him.

“You’re another reason I’m glad Lucas ain’t here, man, you a Nazi or what?”

“Neo Nazi,” Mike corrected quietly. “They’re called Neo Nazis, it’s not 1945--”

“Look, it’s Hobbiton,” Steve sighed into his mug.

“Or the Ku Klux Klan,” Will put in, “Like in the South.”

"No," Billy said finally, and after several seconds Dustin laughed.

"No?! No, you just slammed him into a wall? No, you just told Max to stay away from his kind?"

"I didn't say that."

Steve could feel Billy's entire body going tense, and shut his eyes, breathing in the blended chocolate, coffee, and candy cane smells from his mug. Twelve murders worth of stupidity, today, he thought, wondering whether he'd make it to the phone, and whether one of the kids would save him with the bat, and whether any of his Idiocy Tally would hit them, in a permanent sense.

"Why'd you beat him up, then?" Mike asked pointedly. Eleven's boyfriend felt no physical fear, apparently. Reasonable, if Eleven were actually present.

“Okay,” Steve tried to think of what Mrs. Byers would say, “--uh, whatever reasons he had, they weren’t good enough, can we all say ‘aye’ on that one?”

“Aye! ” proclaimed Dustin and Mike in a shout, Will firmly, and, thankfully, Billy, sounding a little rough.

“And unless he does it again, it’s between he, Lucas, and Max?” Steve continued, pushing his luck.

“Aaaaye,” came the sullen chorus from Steve’s right, and a fervent “Aye,” in low tones from Billy.

Steve sat back, wide-eyed, as his heart slowly stopped pounding. An hour later, his head was draped back over the couch as he snored softly, and Mike had quietly left and returned to drop the bat full of nails across the coffee table. Dustin pointed at it, speaking in his louder-than-speech stage whisper.

“That’s Steve’s bat. Look, it’s got blood on it. That’s bully blood.” He grabbed it and pointed it at Billy, who slammed his elbow into Steve.

“Harrington. Harrington. Is that blood on that bat.” Steve tried to roll sideways, growling, but Billy elbowed him in his chest, this time. “Harrington. Did you kill someone.” He glared around. “Did you guys cover up a murder?”

(I think Tumblr ate my posts for chapters 1-3, so I’m reposting them!)

Strangest chapter 1/chapter 2/chapter 3/chapter 4/chapter 5/chapter 6/chapter 7/chapter 8/chapter 9/chapter 10/  But really I’d recommend reading it on Ao3 under peterqpan, scrolling through it on Tumblr sounds crazymaking

[poetatertot]

It’s Not So Bad (In LA): part two

“So.” Wei Wuxian perches on the couch arm. “The summer camp seems to be working out.”

They’ve ordered a pizza for dinner—the sweet luxury of pay day. Jin Ling has sauce all over his chin, and greasy cheese fingers. Jiang Cheng watches him rip two pepperonis off the top and stack them in his mouth. 

“Yeah.” He sips his water. “You really like it, don’t you a-Ling?”

His nephew grunts through his mouthful. “It’s alright. Coach Xichen is too nice, though.”

Wei Wuxian lifts an eyebrow. “Too nice? How can someone be too nice?”

Jin Ling shrugs one shoulder. “He smiles so much. He makes us all share. He listens to all of Lan Jingyi’s stupid stories, even though he tells the same ones ove and over.” He scowls. “Lan Jingyi is stupid.”

Jiang Cheng snorts. “Big words coming from you.”

“What does that mean?”

Wei Wuxian cackles. “Uncle thinks you’re a clown!”

Jin Ling’s face screws up around his food. “But didn’t Wei-gege say Uncle was a fat—”

Wei Wuxian lunges across the table and slaps one hand over Jin Ling’s greasy mouth. 

Jiang Cheng swallows his crust. “No, go on, a-Ling. Tell me.”

Jin Ling’s eyes flick between them. “Um.. He scoots back his chair. “I have to pee!” He runs down the hall and slams the door behind him.

Jiang Cheng glares. “What bullshit are you telling my nephew?”

“Ah-ah, our nephew, a-Cheng!” Wei Wuxian ducks under Jiang Cheng’s swing. “He just needs to know the truth is all!”

“I’ll show you truth, you big, mangy—” 

They tussle, pulling hair and knocking plates until Jin Ling returns and squabbles at them for fighting. 

The next morning, Jiang Cheng wakes early enough to catch Wei Wuxian in the kitchen. Coffee brews from their old Kitchenaid, filling the living room with cheap-bean-smell. Jiang Cheng wrinkles his nose.

“I’m taking a-Ling to camp.”

Wei Wuxian peeks up from under his bangs. “Oh? Have something to do afterwards?” He frowns. “I thought it was my turn to get groceries.”

“It is.” Jiang Cheng fiddles with the peeling edge of the countertop. “I’m going to just drop him off and come back before work.”

They stand in silence for a moment. The Kitchenaid beeps feebly and turns off. 

A warm flush threatens to betray Jiang Cheng’s composure. He turns away, pinching at the behavior update Jin Ling came home with—a whole page of pen-written characters, signed at the bottom with elegant flourish. 

Lan Xichen.

“If you say so,” Wei Wuxian sing-songs. “Should I get those loquats you like while I’m out, then?”

Jiang Cheng thumbs over the signature. “I don’t care. You’re the one that likes them, remember?”

“Hmm.” 

He looks up. Wei Wuxian smiles back at him from the kitchenette, dark eyes bright. 

“What?” Jiang Cheng demands.

“Nothing,” Wei Wuxian says, but he grins into his mug as he lies, and Jiang Cheng knows he’s been caught. “Shall I pick him up this evening, then? Before groceries?”

The idea of Wei Wuxian laying eyes on Lan Xichen makes Jiang Cheng want to hide in the closest dumpster. Or move back to San Francisco. Or both. 

But he can’t be irrational. He has work; Wei Wuxian knows this.

“Do what you want,” he mutters, and lets the report fall from his fingers.

When they pull up to the Y—Jiang Cheng parks Zidian in the right spot this time—there aren’t too many kids. In fact, they’re a whole half-hour early. 

Jiang Cheng likes to think this is a coincidence. 

“Come on, a-Ling.” He pats his nephew’s leg. “Unbuckle. We’re here.”

Mianmian—because Jiang Cheng still hasn’t figured out her real name and doesn’t want to ask—sits at the front desk again. She looks up and actually beams at the sight of them.

“On time for Day 2!” She waves her pen. “That’s the spirit!”

“Er, yeah.” Jiang Cheng shoves Jin Ling in front. “Where’s today’s meetup for the 8-12’s?”

“Second door on the right.” Mianmian checks her monitor. “Looks like today is Morning Craft-Making! Have fun a-Ling!”

Jin Ling flushes an impressive shade of pink. “Thanks.”

The room in question is like a clown-house: bright tiles, walls covered in handprints, art tacked on every available surface. The smell of glue and paint hangs like nostalgic cloud; Jiang Cheng inhales deep and instantly is flung back to fifth grade when he painted purple dragons the whole year. They still have a few of them stored away. Somewhere. 

Lan Xichen pokes his head out of a cabinet. “Oh! You’re early today.”

“Yes, Coach.” Jin Ling throws his backpack into a chair. “Uncle said we had to.”

Jiang Cheng flushes. “I, ah. I have work.”

Lan Xichen nods—and then he steps out fully from behind the cabinets and Jiang Cheng has to close his eyes for a moment. Nobody should look that good in an apron and sweatshirt. He even has the sleeves pushed up, baring muscular forearms, showcasing elegant fingers and a cute little friendship bracelet.

Jiang Cheng’s palms are starting to sweat. He crams his hands in his pockets.

“Well,” he forces out, “a-Ling. Are we going to have another good day?”

“Yes Uncle,” Jin Ling drones. He wrinkles his nose. “As long as Lan Jingyi isn’t here.”

“Now, now.” Lan Xichen puts his hands on his hips. How did Jiang Cheng never notice how nice his hips were? “Is that any way to talk about our family?”

And it’s stupid. Our family is decidedly not Jiang Cheng’s family. He knows this, so why is his face getting red anyway?

Jin Ling peers up at him. “Uncle, you’re all sweaty.”

Oh my god. Okay. It’s definitely time to go.

“I’ll just be.. Leaving.” He points towards the door. “Um. Have a good day, Jin Ling. Lan Xichen.”

Lan Xichen smiles with all of his perfect teeth. A dimple pops on one side. “Certainly,” he says. “You too.”

Jiang Cheng is totally a goner.

He floats on that smile all day. Nothing can bring him down. Not when Zidian fakes her own death on the I-5 freeway. Not when AAA informs him there’s a waiting time of over an hour. Not when he arrives to work late, and then has to spend extra time cleaning all the bathrooms by himself. 

He has a dimple, Jiang Cheng thinks to himself. Oh god. He has a dimple.

He nearly drops his rag into the toilet.

Jiang Cheng floats on Cloud Nine all the way until he pulls into his shitty parking space and trudges up two flights to the apartment.

The living room light is on.

“Wei Wuxian?” He locks the door, toeing off his sneakers. “What are you doing awake?”

His adoptive brother should be asleep by now. Not that he follows a schedule—even with work, Wei Wuxian’s proclivities for late-night reality TV is well-documented—but it’s a Tuesday night, and Wei Wuxian usually opens Wednesdays and Fridays.

Wei Wuxian looks up from the table. “Oh, hey. Just..” He waves a hand. “Making a playlist.”

“At midnight? Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

His brother blows a raspberry. “It’s for somebody. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. Don’t you have, like, two friends?”

Jiang Cheng has one. It’s his brother. “So? Can’t you make that in the morning?”

“But I told Lan Zhan I’d have it done tomorrow.” Wei Wuxian sighs, twirling a lock of hair around one finger. 

There’s leftover pizza in the fridge. Jiang Cheng doesn’t even bother with a plate. “Lan Zhan?” 

Wei Wuxian has the audacity to blush. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he mutters, which means Jiang Cheng should absolutely worry about it. But then: “Here’s Ling-er’s report from today.”

Jiang Cheng swoops to snatch it from his fingers. All smiley-faces again. Whatever black magic Lan Xichen has at his disposal, he’s doing some serious legwork with it. Jin Ling never gets along well with other kids.

Another wonderful day, he’s written at the bottom. How lucky for Jin Ling to have such a good role model! There’s a little waving stickman next to his name.

“So,” Wei Wuxian says. “Coach Lan Xichen, huh?”

Jiang Cheng gives him a look over the paper that would kill small birds. “Don’t.”

“What? I didn’t even say anything!”

“Yeah. Yet.”

“You’re such a sourpuss,” Wei Wuxian complains. “No wonder you never get any dates. Your aura repels people from a mile away.”

“What does this have to do with getting dates?” Jiang Cheng can see the gears turning in Wei Wuxian’s brain—no, they’ve already been turning. He just happened to walk in right at the end. “Wei Wuxian—”

“Jiang Cheng,” his brother mimics. “I think it’s time we try again.”

“‘We?’ There is no we in this! And I’m not going on any dates!” He crinkles the paper in his irritation and pauses to smooth it out again. “You’re delusional.”

“And you have a crush on the hot YMCA supervisor,” Wei Wuxian sing-songs. 

“Do not!”

“Do too.” Wei Wuxian leans in, eyebrows waggling. “Come on. I would too, if I were you. Thank goodness I’m not, though—you’re bound to get premature grey hairs.”

Jiang Cheng’s eye twitches. “Do. Not. Meddle.”

“So you admit there’s something to meddle with?”

“Don’t you have a playlist to make?”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. “I’m almost done! Don’t change the subject.” He leans in. “Picture this: you. Mr. Hunky Coach Man. On a date.” He pauses, considering. “A good date.”

“I don’t want to picture anything,” Jiang Cheng says. It’s a lie. He’s already picturing them on their second date. And their third. And when they adopt a dog together after he moves in.

“Uh-huh.” Wei Wuxian wags a finger. “I know you. If I don’t help out, you’ll be a sad, lonely hermit for the rest of your life! Come on, a-Cheng. When was the last time you went on a date? A year ago? Two years ago?”

Jiang Cheng knows when it was. A cold rush of something bitter seethes below his skin, poisoning his already-failing mood. He drops his pizza on the table. He’s not hungry anymore.

“Try five,” he snaps. “Some of us have bigger problems, you inconsiderate twat.”

He sees Wei Wuxian do the math. The way his eyebrows raise, and then fall. His lips part in a silent o, but for once, he has nothing to say. Jiang Cheng wishes he could call it a victory.

“I..” Wei Wuxian swallows. “I didn’t—”

“No, you didn’t,” Jiang Cheng snaps. “It’s all just a big, fucking game to you, is that it? My life isn’t one of your TV shows! At least one of us has to take care of Jin Ling, and if it has to be me then I’m fine with it. I don’t need you giving me shit while you’re off making playlists for random pieces of ass!”

“Lan Zhan is not a piece of ass!” Wei Wuxian snaps. He stands, lips twisting. “Just because one of us knows when to move on—”

“Move on? Move on?” Jiang Cheng lunges over the table and shakes him. “How can you fucking say that? Are you listening to yourself?” He sucks in a sharp breath and lets go. “Forget it. I’m going to bed.”

“Jiang Cheng, wait—”

He slams his bedroom door.

The next morning is rough. Jiang Cheng hardly slept. His eyes feel like someone’s kicked a whole sandbox into them. His body aches more than when Jin Ling accidentally gave him the flu. He almost wishes he were sick. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to leave his bedroom ever again.

But no. It’s a Wednesday, so there’s still a-Ling’s summer camp to go to.

“Uncle, you look bad,” his nephew tells him plaintively. 

Jiang Cheng squints over his cup of coffee. Jin Ling blinks up from his bowl of Cheerio’s, the picture of seven-year-old innocence. 

“Thanks,” he deadpans.

At least Wei Wuxian already went to work. There’s no morning awkwardness to deal with, no avoidance tactics Jiang Cheng has to employ. It’s just him and his nephew, alone in the apartment at 8AM. 

Jiang Cheng looks at Jin Ling—really looks at him. He’s grown a ton over the past year, shooting out of all of his pants. His hair is getting a little long; Wei Wuxian will have to give him a trim soon. 

Every day he looks more and more like his mother.

Jiang Cheng wonders what Jiejie would think if she could see him today. Would she be happy with the way they’ve raised her son? Would she scorn them for living like this? What would she do in this situation?

A-Cheng. I know you’re not good with words, but you have to apologize.

For what? I didn’t do anything wrong!

Maybe not. But isn’t it best to mend the bridge before it breaks?

His fingers curl tighter around his coffee mug. 

“Come on, a-Ling,” he says. “It’s time to get dressed for camp.”

☁️

It’s Pool Day. 

It’s Pool Day and nobody warned Jiang Cheng about it being Pool Day, because what happens on Pool Day but the most beautiful man on Earth walking around in tight swim trunks and a tank-top? With sunglasses? 

His long hair is twisted into a messy bun. His arms are defined enough to make a sculptor weep. And his collarbones— 

Jiang Cheng likes to think he isn’t a weak man, but sometimes? There are exceptions.

“Coach!” Jin Ling shrieks. “Look at my swim trunks!” 

They’re bright yellow with little elephants. Lan Xichen beams.

“They suit you,” he says. “Very bright. Just like you!”

Jin Ling smiles wide enough to practically close his eyes. He tosses his backpack aside and immediately makes for the group of kids in the warm-up zone. In a moment, he’s merged into their group entirely.

It makes Jiang Cheng proud. He doesn’t know what Lan Xichen’s done to improve his nephew’s behavior, but it makes Jiang Cheng hopeful for second grade. He wants Jin Ling to grow up surrounded by love, by friends and affection. Seeing him do warm-up stretches with the other kids gives Jiang Cheng light.

Lan Xichen turns the loveliest shade of pink when Jiang Cheng tells him this. He even blushes all the way down his chest. Jiang Cheng is utterly delighted.

“I’m just doing my best,” Lan Xichen says. His honesty warms Jiang Cheng all the way to his toes. “I want them to feel like they’re really part of a family.”

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng breathes. He follows Lan Xichen’s gaze to the group of laughing, smiling children. “I know what you mean.”

[prettyboypeterparker]

There have only been three times in his life when Tony has hated himself truely. The first was when his parents died and he had been cold shouldering them the day they left, the second was leading Pepper on (by accident of course, it wasn’t his fault that he thought they were mates, he had apologised after though) and the third was taking a cufflink and poking a hole in the condom he was using to have sex with Peter.

Now Tony knows how bad it sounds, he’s not trying to give Peter a STD (he’s clean, he made sure before taking his beautiful mate to bed) but he is trying to start a pack. Sure he has the Avengers and he’ll always consider them pack but he needs his own smaller one, the kind of pack that calls to his inner wolf and placates his need for pups. Tonys age isn’t getting any younger and times ticking by quicker and quicker, Peter is his only chance at having a family.

Tony knows he should just talk with Peter about it, the teen is always so ready for anything Tony has to say, will always agree because he’s a good little Omega but Tony knows Peter won’t give his schooling up for a child. Not when Peter’s still basically a kid (he’s eighteen but Tony will always see him as the bright eyed fifteen year old that he met three years ago. Sue him) Tony doesn’t want Peter to flush his life down the toilet, Peter has so much potential, he was truely a good seed and Tony’s a hundred percent sure he could make it into any school of his choice but Tony’s biological clock is ticking and the more he wastes time humming and hawing about whether this is morally right the more his sperm count goes down. Tony swears he can feel his balls shrivelling every moment he doesn’t make up his mind!

So without any more thought Tony pokes a hole into the condom and places it back into the side table, waiting to be used that night.

Tony orders dinner in and waits for Peter to swing in from work (that stupid newspaper place has been nothing but trouble for Peter with his boss being an ass) Tony has pepperoni pizza waiting for Peter and even bought that stupid garlic knot shit he likes. Tony’s buttering him up without Peter even realising.

Tony’s in the kitchen when Peter walks out from the hallway, he’s holding his mask in one hand and his back pack in the other.

“Hey Tony.” Peter murmurs as he walks up to Tony, bag and mask dropping to the floor.

“Hey kid, you okay?” Tony rubs a soothing hand over Peter’s cheek.

“My boss ripped into my ass over the shots I handed in, said that they weren’t “emotional” enough which I don’t understand because they’re literal photos of a hot dog stand and what emotions can you get from that? I don’t even know why he wanted me to take pictures of it Tony!” The poor Omega huffs and his eyes start to get misty.

“Hey, you know what’ll cheer you up? Some pizza and garlic knots and a big rant about how you wanna quit but you won’t.” Tony says as he pushes over the two boxes full of food.

“You know me so well.” Peter sighs as he flips open the pizza box to grab a slice.

Tony moves them to the couch and listens to Peter complain about his job while eating the pizza, when Peter’s had enough and is full Tony suggests a bubble bath and some fruity drink to help calm the nerves that have obviously been frayed today.

“A bath sounds so damn good right now. Carry me?” Tony doesn’t hesitate to pick Peter up bridal style, he carries the boy down the hall and into the bathroom where he sets him on the marble surrounding the tub.

While Peter undresses himself Tony turns the bath on and squirts some bubble bath solution into the running water, Peter slips in and Tony places a kiss on his brow.

“I believe I offered a drink with said bath.” Peter nods mindlessly and Tony goes to find the mango alcohol (it’s more juice than alcohol since Peter’s still underage) and pours it into a wine glass.

Tony takes it back to his beautiful mate and hands it over while he sits on the marble, helping Peter relax by running his fingers through his hair. Half an hour later (not that Tony’s counting) Peter’s beyond relaxed and ready for bed, it’s Tony’s time to shine.

Tony plucks Peter out of the bath and carries him to their room, he drops the Omega on the bed and doesn’t bother about how he’s wetting the duvet just leaves kisses up and down his legs and bypassing his cock completely. Tony licks away the vanilla and coconut tasting water droplets from his milky skin, ever since his first heat Peter’s body had changed from tanned and buff (thanks to the spider bite) to milky and soft. Tony likes both. The older man slips out of his clothes quickly so he can feel the heated skin against his own.

“Tony~” Peter whines, hands coming down to grip Tony’s hair.

“Yeah baby, I’ve got you.” Tony rubs at Peter’s thighs and manages to get a whiff of Peter’s slick, a combination of the bubble bath solution and something just so Peter.

Tony folds Peter’s legs up and noses along his perineum, smelling Peter’s natural scent. He trails his nose down until he reaches plush slightly pinked cheeks, Tony parts Peter and licks at his rim tasting the slick that dribbles out.

“Tony, please, hurry.” Tony leans back and bites Peter’s left ass cheek.

“Inpatient Omega.” Peter chirps, a sound only an Omega can achieve when they’re truely happy.

Tony stretches over to the side table and pulls out the cherry lube and condom, Tony squirts some of the lube on his finger holding it up to Peter lips, Peter licks the jelly off and hums at the taste. Tony smiles and rolls on the condom before using a little more lube on Peter’s hole even though the slick is plentiful. Tony doesn’t waste time pushing in.

“Alpha~” Peter calls out, hands scrabbling to grab at Tony’s shoulder blades, like finger nails digging in nicely.

Tony fucks into Peter fast, no time to dawdle and wraps a hand around Peter small cock he jerks him loosely until he spends over his belly, his cum translucent and useless.

“C’mon Alpha, want you to come in me, please? Breed me?” Peter says prettily and Tony can’t help but think just you wait little Omega, I’m gonna breed you so well.

Tony cums quickly, a thing that he’s not embarrassed by (he’ll grow hard again in a few minutes) and leans down to kiss Peter sloppily.

They lay there together and Tony can’t help himself when he lays a hand flat on Peter’s slightly pudgy belly.

Two weeks later and Peter’s standing in front of the mirror hands cupping his tummy, smile on his face as he tells Tony the good news.

[hunnybadgerv]

Shiraz Seduction | Far Cry 5 | Leah Rook

Summary: Leah Rook shares a tempting evening with someone special and realizes maybe sometimes mothers do know best, even if their daughters will never admit it.

a/n: This is part of a series of fics that introduce Leah Rook and establish her history and place in Hope County prior to the Collapse. As well as an unexpected romantic entanglement that she finds herself caught up in. Thank you to @amistrio and @chyrstis for betaing this piece for me. I really appreciate it more than I can say. Your comments really helped me hone this piece.

Link to full story on AO3

Shiraz Seduction

-1-

The smell of pizza flooded the cab of Leah Rook’s truck. The stark backwoods darkness of the country pressing in from all sides intensified the fragrance. She never could pinpoint exactly what made pizza smell so damn mouthwatering. It had to be the combination of all the scents—pepperoni, Italian sausage, onions, peppers, mushrooms, and the sauce and spices. Honestly, the culprit did not matter. After a long day of physical training, the end was finally in sight; the three-hour drive home from Helena was almost over. Leah was exhausted and starving, her stomach screaming in protest thanks to that humid, enticing aroma

When she reached her driveway, it was all she could do not to rip open the box and just devour a slice. Thankfully, a surprising sight distracted her from her growling stomach. John Seed. He sat perched on her porch at the top of her front steps with a bottle of wine and a bunch of wildflowers sitting beside him. In her headlights, he looked up, raised his arm to shield his eyes, and smiled. It warmed her to her marrow, and totally pulled her thoughts away from the piping hot pizza beside her.

Dropping her standard out of gear and setting the break, she hopped out of her truck. Leah rushed across the yard in his direction surprised that he met her halfway. He scooped her up into a tight and welcoming hug. Leah sighed, relieved. She’d missed him. He buried his face in her hair and she held onto him like he might suddenly evaporate into the misty evening air if she let go too soon.

“Hope you weren’t waiting long,” she mumbled into the hollow curve of his neck.

He hummed. “No, I was still at least eight and a half minutes from sending out a search party.”

“Eight and a half, huh? That’s oddly specific.” Leah pulled away enough to see his face.

“A lack of precision can be dangerous.” The wind grin he wore sparked her own.

“Yeah,” she said, drawing the word out. She tightened the embrace once more, just to steal a bit more closeness.

“I don’t see pizza,” he said.

“In the front seat,” she replied, dangling from his neck. He felt too good in her arms to let go yet.

He chuckled against her skin and squeezed her a little tighter. “You get the door. I’ll get the pie.” He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and bent to let her feet touch the ground again. He released her far too soon for her liking and slipped passed her.

“’Kay.” Reluctance tainted her reply. With barely a backwards glance, she moved toward the house. She bent to grab the bottle of wine and flowers from the steps, cradling them in the crook of one arm as she held her keys in the remaining light to find the right one. “Red wine, huh?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I thought that was just something people did in movies and TV shows to be pretentious,” she said over her shoulder.

John’s laughter rumbled warm and full, like a roll of thunder, as he came up behind her. His boots scuffed the wood of the porch; his hand landed on the small of her back. “There’s more to it than that.”

“Really?” she worked the key in the lock and finally got it to open. Her hand turned the knob and pushed the door open, holding it for him. She flicked the light switch and bathed the easeful living room in a soft glow. “Welcome,” she told him with a polite shallow curtsy.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, letting his bright blue eyes take in the interior.

“What do you think?”

“Cozy,” he told her with a smile, letting her close the door.

“I think so. Have a seat. I’ll open this and be right back.” She crossed the room in long strides, and disappeared into the kitchen, which lit up behind her. “Make yourself at home,” she called a little more loudly as she opened a drawer, then shut it almost immediately.

“Where are you?” she whispered, pulling open another drawer as she set the bottle on the counter. The third time proved to be the charm. “Ah, ha.”

“Here,” he offered.

The sound of his voice startled her, and she dropped the red enameled corkscrew on the floor. A nervous laugh escaped her lips and she bent to retrieve it. John had moved at the same time and got to it first. She laughed again, straightening. He held the corkscrew out to her.

“Thanks,” she said quietly.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I told you to make yourself at home.” She grabbed the device and poised it on the top of the bottle.

“I am.” He moved closer to her, resting one hand on the counter. The other found its way onto the curve of her back.

Leah’s tongue pressed over her lips as she tensed slightly. Her hands were on the verge of shaking and she wanted nothing more than to lean back against him. Somehow, she managed to hold back on that urge.

He’d told her that he was trying to live right, struggling with some demons. She’d dated enough Bible-thumping Christian boys to be able to read between the lines. So, she tried to reign in the most heathen and reprobate notions that tended to pop into her mind when John Seed was around.

“Where are your wine glasses?” he whispered, the words brushing against her ear sending shivers down her spine. Decidedly sinful shivers.

Damn him, sometimes he made it more difficult than necessary. Her mind stalled a moment before she managed to recover some of her God-given sense. “Above the sink,” she said, her face turning toward him.

John placed a soft kiss onto her cheek. In the next breath, he was gone. Suddenly, it was like air had flooded back into the room; and Leah inhaled deeply as quietly as she could in search of calm and reason.

The sink screeched for a second as the water started. When Leah worked the cork the rest of the way out of the bottle, it popped loudly. John rinsed both glasses, then dried them out with a towel lying beside the sink. Leah grabbed two plates out of the cabinet and tore a few paper towels off the roll to use in place of napkins.

John followed her out of the kitchen, flicking the light switch when they walked through the archway. Leah knelt on the floor next to the coffee table and set everything out. He placed the glasses, then turned toward the set of shelves that held her TV and DVD player. With a click, he pulled the disk out of the container and slipped it into the machine. She relocated some of the pillows from the sofa and propped them up against it as she curled her legs under her trying to find a comfy spot.

“So, explain it to me,” she said, pouring the wine into the glasses.

“What?” He studied her remote and got the TV on and the movie started. Then glanced her way. “Ah. Well,” he sat beside her on the floor, folding up his long legs.

Leah couldn’t help but smile at him, when she handed him a glass.

“It’s about balancing and brightening the competing flavors.” He sipped a mouthful of the full-bodied red wine, then set it on the table. He stretched forward and grabbed a slice. “Here,” he said, holding it for her. “Take a bite.”

He watched her so closely when she did that, she could feel the burn of embarrassment brightening her cheeks. She covered her mouth as she chewed, holding her hand high enough that it might just mask some of the blush.

“Good?” he asked. She nodded and grinned. He reached past her and grabbed her glass. “Now, take a sip and let it coat your tongue. Then try another bite.”

She lifted the glass to her lips, a bit timorous, a little nervous despite everything. Doing as he suggested, she let the hefty wine wash over her tongue and paint her mouth. John held the slice, curved just right to keep it from flopping over and spilling all the toppings into either of their laps or onto the floor. Her eyes couldn’t leave his when she leaned forward to steal another taste.

Her eyes widened, her hand covering her mouth again. “Oh my God,” she crowed around her bite. “How on Earth?”

John chuckled and laid the piece on the plate in front of her. “It’s chemistry,” he told her. “The fatty meats can make your mouth feel slick and the tannins in the wine will dry out your mouth, so they cancel one another out. It allows the flavors to bloom more completely. The acidity of the vegetables brighten up alongside that dryness. It just really brings out and turns up all those flavors.”

“Guess it’s not all pretentiousness.”

“Not all of it,” he chided. His fingers touched her hair and moved it over her shoulder. In the next moment, like he had to force his attention away from her, he looked over toward the television then reached for the remote again to hit the play button and turn the volume back up.

“I’ll get the lights,” Leah said. She took another drink then stood to flip the switch and cast them into relative, but considerable darkness.

This was far easier than seeing his face, falling into that captivating gaze of his. It wouldn’t be quite as much of a struggle to keep her distance this way, though more than once her hand found his or brushed against his thigh. And his fingers grazing her shoulder sent shivers rushing beneath her skin. Almost every time she leaned against the sofa; she found his arm draped there. Without fail, it almost always pulled her against him.

Read the rest on AO3

[yesmooshoe]

12 Days of Pepperony Smut-Mas

In honor of the festive season, I am aiming to post 12 smutty Pepperony fics over the course of the next 12 days! If you’ve got any requests, please feel free to send them my way, but I’ve got 4 fics done and some tentative themes for the rest picked out already.

Day 1 - First Time

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2714

Summary: Tony & Pepper’s first time. They’re only slightly awkward about it.

Read it on AO3! (And comment. I love comments plz.)

Or read it here...

It didn’t happen the night after the Expo attack. Yes, they’d kissed. And yes, they’d gone back to Tony’s apartment in Manhattan holding hands, but they didn't leave the Expo site until nearly 5AM. The Sun was up when they collapsed onto Tony’s bed and both of them fell asleep almost immediately. So no, it didn’t happen then.

It didn’t happen the next night either.

Or the night after that.

So by night number 4, Tony was starting to feel pretty anxious about the whole thing, especially since he hadn’t seen her all day.

Pepper had gone to the New York SI Headquarters while Tony was at the Expo site helping with clean-up, and when he got home she was nowhere to be found. He grabbed a beer and plopped down at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, trying to figure out what exactly it was that he and Pepper were doing. No, they hadn’t had sex yet. But they also hadn’t kissed again either, let alone discuss the kisses that had happened. All they’d really done was work a lot and fall asleep next to each other.

A date! They should go on a date. It wasn’t that late, and he was fairly certain that he could get them a reservation at Pepper’s favorite sushi restaurant. He was Tony Stark, after all. He pulled out his phone to start dialing when he heard the elevator ding, signaling Pepper’s arrival. He looked up at her and gave her a big smile.

“Tony, I think we should have sex.” Pepper declared, walking with purpose towards him.

Tony just raised his eyebrows and cocked his head, unsure of how to respond to that.

“I’m not messing around, Stark. Bedroom. Now.” She said, walking right past him.

“Yes ma’am.” He replied, standing up and following after her. Sushi could wait. He paused when entering the bedroom though, noticing that her hands were shaking as she fussed with her belt.

“Pep? Are you sure about this? We don’t ha-”

“Yes.” Pepper answered, cutting him off. “We do. Right now. I just. I think we need to rip this band-aid off and just do it. I know it’ll probably be bad-”

“Pffft.” Tony just huffed at the mere suggestion that it wouldn’t be good, but Pepper just kept on going.

“-but we just need to do it. So that it’ll stop being weird. Because it’s been weird, right? That we haven’t? Is it weird? We should have done it the first night. It’s just that we’ve known each other for so long and I have no idea what we’re doing but-”

Tony could tell that she was starting to freak out so he stepped forward and gently put his hands on her wrists before leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Pepper? Breathe.” He said, rubbing circles onto the backs of her hands with his thumbs. “We don’t have to right now. We can go to dinner, or we can order something in and just hang out. It’s ok. No pressure, all right?”

Pepper locked eyes with him, took a deep breath and smiled. “God, I love you.” She said quietly, making Tony’s heart flutter. It was the first time she’d said those words out loud. “And I still think we should have sex. And then get food. And then maybe have sex again? Depending on how this all goes.”

“It’s going to be great.” Tony assured her, letting go of her wrists and resting his hands on her hips.

“You seem awfully sure of yourself, Stark.” She teased, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his chest.

“Hey, sex is one of like 3 things I’m good at. Anything I need to know before we get started?”

Pepper chuckled. “Like what? I don’t have a tail or anything.”

“Good to know, good to know. No just...you know, things you like, things you don’t like?” He asked, pulling her flush against his body. His cock was starting to stir, being this close to her and realizing that this was actually going to happen.

Pepper flushed a bit at his question, burying her face in the nape of his neck. “Oh. Uh. Normal stuff, I guess. I like normal stuff.”

“Normal stuff. Good, I can do normal stuff.”

“I mean. Not just normal stuff. Not like...boring stuff. There’s definitely some not super normal stuff that I like too. I’m not a prude or anything I just...normal stuff right now?”

“I like normal stuff. We’ve got all the time in the world to figure out the not normal stuff.”

Pepper pulled away from him and took a deep breath. They were both frozen, staring at each other. Tony’s heart was pounding, and it felt like an eternity had passed as they both stood there, unsure of what to do next. It was Pepper who finally made a move, grabbing Tony’s t-shirt and pulling him in for a kiss.The kisses started slow, like they were both still trying to figure each other out, but they soon grew faster and deeper. Tony’s hands ran up Pepper’s back and tangled in her hair as he started walking backwards, leading her towards the bed. When the backs of his knees ran into the mattress, Pepper pulled away from him and gently pushed him down onto the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows and gave her a huge smile.

Pepper bit her lip as she reached around and started undoing the zipper of her dress while kicking her shoes aside. The dress soon fell to the floor, revealing that she was wearing a simple pair of blue briefs and a white camisole over a purple bra, which Tony found so incredibly hot. He couldn’t help but stare at her breasts as she continued to strip.

“You’re still wearing an awful lot of clothing.” She teased, taking a step forward and placing her hands on his shoulders.

“You are so right.” He replied before frantically kicking off his own shoes and socks and ripping his t-shirt off. They started to kiss again as Tony fumbled with his belt and the button on his jeans, but with a bit of maneuvering they were soon left wearing nothing but their underwear. As they continued to kiss she ran a hand down his chest, over his stomach, and eventually to the growing bulge inside of his dark red boxer briefs.

“Not yet.” He breathed out against her lips as he pulled away from her. He noticed a look of concern on her face, but he just gave her a big smile. “I’ve always adhered to the policy that ladies come first.” With a grin he crawled out from underneath her and flipped her around so that she was on her back below him. Never taking her eyes off of him, she scooted back so that she was leaning against the pillows, Tony following right behind.

“Well, then get to it.” She said seductively, letting her legs fall open.

After a few more moments of just staring up at her, he finally turned his focus back to the task before him. He hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of her underwear and yanked them down, revealing a small, well-trimmed patch of ginger curls. After tossing the garment aside, Tony settled down between her legs, wrapping an arm around her thigh. He dragged his free hand gently down over her stomach and to her core, dipping a finger between her folds before dragging it up to circle around her clit.

“Fuck, Tony.” She moaned out, closing her eyes.

She was already so wet, the sight of which sent a jolt of desire through his body. “You’ve been thinking about this for a while, haven’t you?” He teased.

“Mmhmm.”

Tony didn’t want to go too fast, but didn’t want to drag it out too much either. When she seemed like she was ready for more he slid two fingers inside of her, working them in and out slowly while continuing to rub her clit with his thumb.

“Oh god.”

“You like this?” He asked, even though it was quite clear that she did.

“Ye - ah!” She gasped out as Tony twisted his fingers a bit.

“Good.” He said before starting to press kisses to the soft skin of her inner thigh.

As he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her, she wrapped her legs around him, digging her heels into his back every time his fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot. He soon began to trail his kisses up, eventually swapping out his thumb for his tongue. He dragged his tongue over her clit in long, deliberate strokes while continuing to twist and thrust his fingers in and out of her. She was letting out little moans with every movement as she tangled her fingers in his hair, holding him in place as she started to rock back against him.

“Tony fu - faster, please. More.” Was all she managed to get out between her cries.

He picked up the pace of his fingers as he changed tactics with his tongue, rolling and sucking at her clit as fast as he could. He could tell that she was getting close as he felt her toes curling against his back, and he suddenly became very aware of his own arousal as he felt his cock straining against his boxers. He began to roll his hips a bit against the bed, desperate for some friction as Pepper squirmed beneath him. With one final twist of his fingers Pepper came with a loud cry, digging her fingers into his scalp as she went rigid below him.Tony pulled his mouth away from her so that he could watch her ride out her orgasm, but kept his fingers moving in and out of her slowly while she came back down to earth.

As she relaxed against the pillows Tony finally let his fingers slip out and he pushed himself up to look at her properly. He brought the fingers he’d been using to fuck her up to his lips, sucking them clean of her juices before crawling up and leaning over the top of her. “That was good, right?.” He teased, giving her a smirk.

“God, you’re gonna be the death of me. Yes, it was good. Very very good.” She panted out, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Told ya so! And it’ll only get better.” He said, leaning down to give her a kiss.

She ran a hand down over his back, dipping them under the waistband of his boxers and cupping his ass, giving it a squeeze. “Your ass is a work of art.” She sighed out between kisses before sneaking her hand around to the front. She cupped his balls for a moment before wrapping her fingers around his very hard cock, stroking it slowly. “Let’s get you out of these boxers.”

“Good plan. Best plan ever.” Tony replied a little frantically, excited about what was coming next. He helped her pull his boxers down and then kicked them to the side, finally releasing his cock. He closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip while she stroked him, her warm, delicate touch making him so eager for more. “Hold on.”

He crawled away from her and fished around in the drawer of his bedside table for a moment before producing a condom. He leaned back onto his heels, ripped the package open with his teeth and then slid it onto his cock. With that sorted, he leaned back down and gave Pepper another kiss.

“You ready?” He asked, certain that she was but still wanting to make sure.

“Yeah.” She said, spreading her legs open and resting her arms on either side of his neck.

He grabbed his cock and lined himself up, pushing into her slowly. He let out a soft moan as he buried himself inside of her, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been picturing this moment for years. As he bottomed out, he held still for just a moment, taking it all in. Her cheeks were flushed as she gave him a soft smile, which he knew was something he’d never tire of seeing. As he began to roll his hips, he was able to thrust in and out of her with ease, and he could already feel the pressure starting to mount in his stomach. He knew that he wasn’t going to last very long, the anticipation of this moment almost enough to push him over the edge on its own. He gave her one more quick kiss before dropping his head and getting down to business, desperately chasing his own release.

“Fuck Tony, you feel so good. So good.” Pepper panted out as Tony picked up the pace.

“So do you you - ah!” He moaned out. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this. Fuck.”

They fell silent for a while, but the room was filled with the sound if skin slapping against skin. She wrapped her legs around him, urging him on as he started snapping his hips faster and faster. Soon he was absolutely railing her, fucking her hard and fast against the bed, both of them moaning with every thrust. They had 10 years of sexual tension to work though, and this was only the beginning.

“Oh god, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna…” He trailed off as he squeezed his eyes shut. With a few more thrusts he came, moaning out her name as his thrusts slowed down and his legs and arms turned to jelly.

Pepper just wrapped her arms around him, pressing kisses to his head while he caught his breath, his heart pounding. He stopped moving completely, letting the aftershocks roll through him before he gave in, slipping out of her and collapsing next to her, falling onto his back.

“Well. Fuck.” Tony managed to say while taking the condom off. He tied it up and tossed it across the room, not really caring where it landed.

It seemed like neither one of them was quite sure what to say now that it was done. Tony had never been much of a post-sex cuddler, but he kind of just wanted to pull her on top of him and wrap his arms around her. He didn’t though, not sure if that was too much too quickly. Everything was so new, and he was terrified of doing anything that could mess this up.

“Guess we uh...ripped the band-aid off.” Pepper said with a chuckle as she sat up, breaking the silence.

“Best band-aid ripping off ever. And I’ve had to rip a lot of band-aids off.”

Pepper just nodded, running her hands through her hair. “Dinner?”

“Uh, sure! Yeah. I’m starving.” Tony answered as he sat up. “Sushi?”

“Sounds good.”

“Great!” Tony smiled as Pepper stood up and started gathering her clothes. He wasn’t sure what came over him, but he just needed to tell her. “Um? Pepper? I...I love you too, by the way. I should have said that earlier. But I do love you. Just so you know. I just...wanted to say it out.”

Pepper flushed, turning away from him to hide her embarrassment, which just made Tony fall in love with her even more. He stood up and walked over to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Come on. Let’s go order dinner. We’re gonna need our strength for later.”

“We really need to talk about all of this, Tony.”

“I know. Can we do it tomorrow? Can we just...have tonight?”

She sighed, seemingly glad about postponing the discussion for another day. “Yeah, of course. Let’s go get dressed.”

“Aw, do we gotta? I really like seeing you naked.”

“At least put a robe on to greet the delivery guy.” She laughed, tossing her clothes back at him.

“Done. Otherwise I hereby declare this naked Wednesday. It is Wednesday, right?”

Pepper just shook her head. “I’ll be right out. Go find a menu.” She called out before disappearing into the bathroom.

Tony had no idea what was going to happen between the two of them, but he was very much looking forward to finding out.