#if you take any of this seriously then the joke is on you bestie

[pirate-in-daps]

beware controversial uk football opinions below i don't watch football or follow football so don't come for my jugular please and thanks

i'm not a man city fan but the bare hatred people have for them is wild like

all footie teams but esp premier league teams are the same babes join us lot in league 1 if you're saying your team isn't "like that" and you'll see how "like that" they are

[sunfoxfic]

I wish the phrase "Bechdel Test" had never fallen into common vernacular and I'm not kidding.

[spinningwebsandtales]

Imagine Going On A Date With Hangman

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin X FemReader

Rating: T

Warnings: Teasing, mentions of an abusive relationship in the past, tooth rotting fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

Part 1: here

Taglist: @chaoticcassidy, @the-marshals-wife, @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

(A/N:) I have been lagging behind on my writing here lately as my artwork has been taking the majority of my time. I'm in the process of opening an Etsy store because all my creations are starting to pile up and I live in an area that people aren't interested in fandom things. So I'm taking matters in my own hands. But I am going to keep writing! Being able to write these fun imagines is something I love doing and won't give up for anything! So I'm going to try to write more and to my bestie who wanted a second part of the last Hangman imagine here is that date part you wanted! I have two more requests in store so keep an eye out! Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

The setting sun and crashing waves were your only companions as you sat on a bench outside The Hard Deck. You couldn't remember what really possessed you to agree to Hangman's request, and you were really questioning what had gotten into you as he was naturally late. You tapped your foot, glancing at your phone to see what time it was. You decided to give him a moment longer, before you gave up and went home. You had just placed your phone back in your purse for the tenth time when a pickup pulled into The Hard Deck's small parking lot. You rolled your eyes, knowing it was just another bar hopper when the driver side door swung open. Boots thudded against the ground as you lost yourself in the search for your keys in the bottomless purse you lugged around.

"Hello," the familiar voice cut through your grumbling.

"You're late," you hissed

"Fashionably," Hangman retorted.

Giving him a once over," No just late."

"If I wasn't so confident in myself that would have hurt my feelings."

"Confident and inflated ego are two totally different things," you crossed your arms.

"Sure," Hangman grinned. "Sorry I'm late it won't happen again."

"So confident that there will be a next time?"

"Absolutely."

You hummed, zipping back up your bag. You came all this way and waited this long. No sense in going home now when he just got here.

"Okay flyboy," you held out your hand. "Woo me."

Without hesitation Hangman took your offered hand, kissing your knuckles before leading you towards the passenger side of his truck and opening the door. Once you were seated in the passenger side, Hangman shut the truck door. Naturally he pumped his fist and raced around the front to the driver side. You couldn't help but laugh, though you did roll your eyes. Sliding the keys into the ignition and starting the truck, letting the diesel engine rumble for a few seconds you waited until Hangman started to shift into reverse.

"So what do you have planned for me this evening?"

He shrugged looking out the back window as he steered the big truck out of the parking lot. "I thought we might go bar hopping."

"Seriously?!" Any thought of you enjoying tonight and that Hangman would actually be pleasant for a change went out the window. Maybe you were having a moment of naivety that night you said yes. Now all those what if's and worrisome thoughts started to avalanche in your mind, until Hangman started to laugh.

"I'm joking," he coughed. "Don't worry I have a fun night planned.

"Now I'm worried what your definition of fun is," you retorted cheeks flushing red in anger.

"Lighten up sweetheart I won't do anything you don't want."

Your teeth began to grind and you were really starting to question your sanity. "Has anyone ever told you that they'd like to throat punch you?"

"I'm sure but they never voiced it,"

"Well let me tell you I really want to throat punch you."

"Good to know we're off to a good start tonight! First something to eat."

Despite being a storm of rage in the passenger seat from Hangman's teasing it didn't take long before he was able to ease you into a simmer. You watched the scenery go by while Hangman told funny stories from work. Though you drove these streets for years, you never really got to enjoy the sights as you were always too focused on the road to notice little details. Hangman could tell that you weren't really paying attention but it didn't stop him from talking. You had your arm resting on the center console, finger gently tapping to the music on the radio. He smirked to himself when he got caught at another red light.

"Are you listening," he asked.

You just replied with, "Hmmmm?"

"I'll take that as a no," he scoffed before glancing once more at your digits tapping even harder against the hard plastic. The stop light still glaring red in the night that was settling in, he eased his hand over yours, stopping your fingers movements before he interlaced your fingers with his. You jumped, quickly glancing over. Instead of saying a word at your shocked face he placed gentle kisses to the back of your hand. The light turned green, but he didn't release your hand as he drove on. You paid a little more attention to the conversation though your heart was pounding loudly as you kept glancing from the vehicles passing by to your hand swallowed by Hangman's much larger and calloused hand. You breathed a sigh of relief when the restaurant came into view and Hangman parked the truck.

"Stay," he demanded before hurriedly getting out and racing to your door.

You rolled your eyes but just waited. He opened the door with a flourish before offering you a hand to help you out. With you "safely" on the ground, Hangman slammed the door shut and locked the truck up. For the third time in the evening he took your hand, walking hand in hand to the entrance.

"You know you don't have to go so far for me," you said.

"Of course I do. You agreed to go out with me and I want you to be treated the way you deserve," he retorted still gripping your hand while he opened the restaurant door for you as well.

"Oh please don't make me gag with the goody two shoes act you cocky jerk," you laughed.

The hostess waved a server over as soon as you both walked in, cutting off Hangman's reply by leading you both to a table. You noticed that it wasn't an overly stuffy restaurant. You could tell by the smells coming from the kitchen that they had good food but it was still a comfortable enough atmosphere that you didn't have to worry about snobby rich people sneering at your comfy clothing choice. Once seated and your drink orders placed you raised the menu to start browsing. Usually you could decide what you wanted pretty quickly but tonight you were shaken by the way Hangman was acting so it was going to take you a minute to concentrate. The menu was suddenly slapped down onto the table. Hangman kept his hand pressed against the laminated paper making sure you couldn't hide behind it. You felt a little guilty for what you said before you both were interrupted just a moment ago.

"It's not an act," he glared. "I'm being genuine right now, just for you. I've wanted this for awhile and I don't want to do anything to mess it up. I'm sorry I was late. I was so nervous that I didn't know what I wanted to wear or where I should take you until last minute. I've been flustered since the moment you agreed outside The Hard Deck."

At the beginning you would have chalked it up to Hangman teasing you once again, trying to get under your skin. But the sincerity in his eyes made you realize that this wasn't act. He wasn't just saying these pretty words to get you to let your guard down so he could strike. He was being real and you wanted to melt into the floor as you now felt like an absolute jerk.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled fighting back the sudden tears stinging your eyes. "I shouldn't have been such a jerk to you."

"It's okay I really gave you a reason to be so defensive but I really want to try."

"It's not you," you sighed body shaking. You were about to continue on when the waitress came back and set the drinks down on the table. You hadn't even gotten to glance at the menu but without missing a beat Hangman ordered sending the waitress back off with the orders.

"Trust me I come here a lot," he grinned. "And you don't have to tell me. The Navy guys pretty much know some guy took advantage of you. We don't know any hard details but just know, we have your back no matter what."

Once again the pilot left you speechless, "Thank you."

He nodded leaning back in the chair he was sitting in. Without a second thought Hangman moved the topic to something else and in a matter of seconds he had you laughing and joyously conversing with him until the food made it to the table. And true to his world it was absolutely delicious and now you wanted to come back as soon as possible.

With full stomachs Hangman lead you back to the truck. The night had settled in fully before he once again held open your door. He didn't shut it immediately this time.

"Can I take you to a movie?"

"Absolutely!"

After the delicious dinner and a fun movie you realized that you didn't want this date to end. You couldn't remember the last time that you had enjoyed yourself so much. And if you could tell that Hangman wasn't ready for you to get out and leave in your car just yet.

"Think we can go take a walk on the beach for just a little while," you asked.

He perked up, eyes shining brightly he nodded.

You held your shoes in one hand and Hangman's hand in the other as the cooling sand shifted between your toes. The crashing waves on the beach sent little salty sprays in the air as little crabs scuttled by.

"I can't remember the last time I had so much fun," you breathed in deeply.

"Getting to fly is pretty fun," Hangman drug the toe of his boot in the sand. "But this is a different type of fun. I wouldn't want to share with anyone but you."

You faked a gag, "Ugh so sappy!"

He laughed," You have no one but yourself to blame. You shouldn't be so pretty."

"Oh puh-lease Hangman," you laughed. "You don't have to just say that."

He cupped your cheeks, hushing you immediately. Hangman stared down at you seriousness and a little bit of anger simmering in his gaze. You swallowed loudly, unsure of what to do in such a situation.

"Stop putting yourself down," you all but snarled. "You're amazing and I wish you could see it."

You never had someone say things like that with such conviction and it had you a little emotional. Hangman pressed his forehead against yours. Taking in your presence as your soft cheeks warmed his palms.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," he whispered. Placing a tender kiss on your forehead, you shivered against the contact of his warm lips against your skin. Hangman leaned backwards taking in your face before pulling you in closer. His breath brushing against your lips. He leaned in closer, claiming your mouth with his. The beach a perfect backdrop as the waves made their crashing applause against the sandy beach that suddenly became your favorite spot. Seconds later Hangman parted from you before holding you tightly.

"Thank you," you melted in his hold.

"Can we do this again soon," he whispered afraid of the answer you'd give him.

"The dating or kissing," you teased.

"Both. Lots of both."

"I'm ready whenever you are flyboy."

Hangman squeezed tighter," So tomorrow?"

You nodded, "Definitely tomorrow."

[strangerxperv]

hiiii id like to request a robin buckley x reader smut, maybe one where robin’s this desperate loser lesbian archetype and she has a huge crush on reader, reader ends up letting robin fuck her however she wants. sorry if this isn’t how you’re supposed to request, i couldn’t find a request button!! thank you!! :)

A request I've been sitting on

Robin Buckley x popular Reader

Minors fuck off

NSFW

word count: 1K

You're popular, like truly popular and friendly with literally everyone. Friends with jocks, nerds, druggies, outcasts, and other popular people (just as a few examples). Being a class clown with charisma sprouting like flowers in spring has its perks.

It's the reason Robin has such a crush on you and can't help but follow after you. You're both besties! The kind where one jokes about fucking the other and that friend desperately wants it to be a reality. She wants to see how pretty your clit is and how good you taste.

Robin's seen you naked thanks to gym class and the occasional slumber parties. She knows what color your nipples are and how much hair is on your pelvis. The way your ass jiggles when you pull up your panties.

Robin knows what your favorite panties and bras are, it's memorized, she even knows your sizes. Hell! You've even posed while wearing lingerie to get Robin's friendly opinion.

What she doesn't know is that you've figured her out, her little secret. You still remember the first time Robin saw you completely nude. You thought she broke her jaw from how hard her jaw hit the floor.

The way she looked you up and down. Blue eyes lingering on your tits and sliding down to your pussy, seemingly stuck. Robin's eyes widen when she sees that you're wet, slick shining.

You pieced it all together after that and loved to make her squirm. Flirting with the brunette was your favorite pass time and left you more than wet. You wanted to see how long it would take her to notice that you knew. You wondered how long it would take for her to snap, what will she do?

Which leads you to now, with your legs spread wide and cunt glistening in front of your best friend, "Is my ex right? Does it look gross?"

Her blue eyes are eclipsed with black that snap up to your face before taking in your entirety. "He's an idiot. If I were a guy I'd be hard as hell."

"You aren't hard? Clits get hard but you said you aren't, so it's not pretty?"

Robin's face reddens and she licks her lips before speaking, "No, I'm definitely hard. It's so fucking hot. Like, seriously hot." Her trembling words encourage your hand to slide down. Gently you spread your cunt open to show your twitching clit and sopping hole. "Whoa."

Her whisper buffs onto your slit and lads on your pearl forcing more slick onto the bed. "Well, I don't know that for sure." You pause, "Can I see?" Her head snaps up at you so fast you worry for her neck and if it might hurt later.

"Y-you want to see, you want to see my...down there?" Robin's face couldn't possibly get any more red and she holds her breath.

"Well...we are both girls so it's not a big deal plus we're both besties! And, to be fair, you've seen me." Still your legs are spread while you keep your lips open. "Would it help if I took everything off?"

With that you remove your hand and whip the shirt over your head. Making fast work of your bra to toss onto the floor. Your tits bounce with the movement leaving you completely nude. "Does this help? Can I see if you're hard?"

At this point you could ask Robin to murder someone and she'd agree. How could she refuse her crush? Especially when she's completely naked on her bed with spread legs.

Robin stands silently and fumbles with the button on her jeans then struggles to pull the zipper down. Shucking them down quickly to kick it aside before yanking her panties off and kicking them aside too. Robin climbs onto the bed and spreads her own tan legs.

You close your thighs and sit up onto your knees crawling to her. In a few short moments you're between her legs. Your hand slides up the bed to below Robin and up the inside of her thigh, it's slick. "I can't see." Comes your breathy explanation as you gently spread her open.

Her clit is a pretty pink color and standing at attention, stiff, and it calls to you. Blowing purposefully onto the shiny pearl makes it twitch desperately. Robin let's out a surprised gaspy moan with her head thrown back.

"You really are hard for me. Does that mean you wanna fuck me? When boys are hard that means they do." You want her to say it. Say that she needs you as much as she needs you.

"Mmm..." Her blue eyes lock with your own pretty eyes, "I want to...I-I do." It's not that Robin is unsure of her feelings but she is afraid.

"Why? Do you like me like a boy does?"

"Please, please don't be mad." There's tears in her blue eyes as she begins to close her legs.

But before she can you're between them pressed against her. Your lips are on her own in a gentle embrace that makes her gasp. Your slick tongue flicks her lower lip announcing it's presence. Slithering into Robin's mouth the wet appendage tangles with her own.

"I could never hate you Robin. Not for this. I know how you feel and I obviously feel the same. Never, never question this." You lay one more quick kiss onto her plump lips, "Since you've liked me longer I think you should fuck me first, however you want me."

Those words seem to spur her forward as she flips you onto your back, "You've known the entire time. You little fucking tease! Do you know how many panties you've ruined and how many nights I had to feel guilty? Cumming to you was the best and worst thing up to this point." She bites your neck until you're crying out her name, "Tonight you're gonna make it all better cause I'm gonna punish you till I feel better."

[alcoholfreenayeon]

WHAT IF you are at a bar or something and Sana and Miyeon come to entice you back to their place 😈😈 (sana and miyeon x male reader) 🤭🤭

A/N: It’s finally done bestie, hope you enjoy🤭!

I want that

CW: male!reader x Sana and Miyeon, NSFW, Smut, somewhat hardcore, hint of fluff.

You were sitting alone at the booth, your glass empty and watching the tv, some soccer game going on but you weren’t really paying attention. Feeling someone gaze at you every now and then, it was the average day at the bar, not too crowded but you wouldn’t say it’s empty either. Your friends had left a few minutes earlier because they all had some reason or the other. Work, partners, whatever. It didn’t matter though, you liked your own company at times, it gave you some time to reflect on things.

As you contemplated between going home or having another drink, you were interrupted when someone asked if they could sit with you. Looking up at the person, you saw an absolute goddess, she was easily one of the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. You were too much in awe to reply but the girl just politely smiled and took your lack of objection as a yes and sat down.

“You don’t mind if my friend joins right?”, she asked sweetly.

“Uh, no”, you replied still awestruck when you turned to look at the friend and nearly fell out of your chair. Like the first girl was absolutely stunning but her friend, god you found her so irresistibly beautiful. Your mouth open while she sat down.

“I’m Sana and this is Miyeon”, the first girl introduced.

“h-hi, ahem, Hey, I’m Y/N”, you replied, losing your voice for a second.

The girls giggled and smiled prettily at you. They seemed really calm yet somewhat excited while you were losing composure like anything, you couldn’t even decide which one of them to look at. Somehow you managed to not seem like a complete idiot and weirdo and made some conversation.

Everything was going smoothly over the next few minutes, you were even managing to gain some confidence when felt something brush your foot and then saw Miyeon glance at you for a second, her cheeks slightly flushed before she looked away, smiling. You suddenly realized your own heart was beating quickly for some reason and cleared your throat trying to calm yourself down.

“Do you wanna come with us?”, Miyeon asked out of the blue, suppressing a smile. Sana giggled and gave her a nudge.

You felt dumbstruck, was this a joke? What did they mean by that because you totally thought you were interpreting that in a few different ways, all of which seemed greatly appealing but you couldn’t help but also think that maybe you didn’t understand what Miyeon asked. “Uhm…what?”, you choke, not knowing how to respond.

“I don’t live very far from here, the bar will close soon, maybe we can continue our…fun over there”, she said innocently batting her eyes at you while smiling so prettily.

Now, you’ve definitely heard of people getting killed like this but surely this was not the case, like seriously there’s no way these beautiful girls were some sort of deranged psychopaths after your kidneys or something. Your brain was practically shouting at you to proceed with caution but your heart whispered oh so convincingly that this was heading exactly where you never in your wildest dreams would have imagined. Unfortunately for your brain, your heart had you sold and any thoughts to take caution fell on deaf ears.

“Oh that sounds great, but I can’t drive since I’ve had a few drinks”, you manage, you could feel adrenaline pumping through your body as you thought of all the possibilities.

“That’s ok, we can just take a Uber, that’s okay with you right?”, Sana offered.

Sitting between the two girls in car, you wonder what you’d done to be so lucky. However, your thoughts are interrupted when you feel Sana put her hand on your knee before slowly starting to pull it upwards, onto your thighs, teasingly.

You freeze, not knowing how to react, understandably so and that’s when Sana leans in and whispers, “Does this excite you?”

You nearly whimpered and just as you are about to turn towards her, Miyeon’s voice stops you, “Unnie! You are so greedy, you can’t have all his attention.”

Before the words even sink in, you feel Miyeon grab your cheeks with both hands and she begins to make out with you sloppily.

This had to be heaven right? Like, surely life can’t get better than this, you think to yourself.

You begin to kiss her back and she seemed surprised for a moment before continuing but with more aggression. At the same time, Sana was practically in your pants and made some cheeky comment probably but you didn’t hear it, you were too engrossed with making out with Miyeon.

This continued for a few minutes before Miyeon pulled back, her cheeks slightly flushed and she was smiling mischievously while Sana was biting her lips and tying up her hair. You were trying to breath normally even though you felt out of breath but you didn’t wanna let the girls know that. Fortunately, before anything else could happen you had arrived at the destination and the three of you got out. You offered to pay but the girls insisted that they would.

“You can give us something else in return”, Sana said leaning towards you, clearing the last doubts of where this night was headed.

You were breathing hard now, as Sana noisily sucked on your tip while looking up at you. After a few moments, she stopped sucking, winked at you and then practically swallowed you all the way to your base. That took you by so much surprise you couldn’t do anything except move your hands on her head, inhaling sharply.

This continued for far less time than you would have liked but you had to make her stop or else she would end up finishing you there. You somehow manage to pull her off and Sana pouts a little but doesn’t complain. You pant and try to reset but before you can completely recover you feel another pair of lips taking in your cock. At this point your heart feels like it could explode. Miyeon struggles to take you as deep as Sana but makes up for it by somehow having more enthusiasm than her wanting to straight up suck the life out of you.

You end up making her stop after a few minutes too and take another few seconds to calm yourself down. It was getting harder and harder to that though, between feeling so desperate for your release and the fact that Miyeon had been kissing you for the past minute.

You become distracted when you see Sana lay on the bed on her stomach and look back at you seductively and you can’t help yourself and you get on top of her, she squeals excitedly when she feels you climb on her, arching her back. You were feeling feral now after being close to cumming twice and weren’t going to go easy at all.

Entering her took both of your breaths away, you sighed shakily, trying to compose yourself while Sana’s eyes stooped dreamily while she bit her lips. She didn’t let you off easily though and almost immediately started to push back against you forcing you to grab her shoulders and hold her down. She giggled at that but that turned into a gasp real quick when you began pounding her hard. She gripped the bedsheets tightly, panting as you filling her repeatedly. It only took you a few minutes of fucking her before you felt her clench and cum, letting out quiet moans as she came.

You smirked, she has been acting really cocky for a while now so it felt good to see her be so helpless now. Giving her only a few moments of rest before you begin pounding her again. You place your hand on her cheek, raising her head a little and to your satisfaction, Sana follows your lead and gently bites your fingers, whimpering as that only drives you to become rougher.

It was becoming harder and harder for you to focus on anything else but you felt Miyeon climb on the bed too, looking at you and Sana somewhat enviously. But you were not able to focus on that for too long. Especially when Sana was whining now as she was getting close to cumming once again which of course made her pussy tighter as she squeezed and clenched. Just when you thought you were about to reach the point of no return, Sana cums and you somehow manage to hold on. Both of you panting hard, a blissful smile on Sana’s face as she was slowly getting down from her high.

You turned to face Miyeon and found her pouting, “Did you really like her so much that you couldn’t even look at me?”

“Uhm….”, you tried to find your words but you had no defense.

“No”, she put a finger on your lips, “Don’t make excuses….if you really want to prove me wrong then do it through your actions”, she said while pulling you on top of her. “If you really mean it, then, Ruin. Me.”.

Those words turned on something inside of you, not that you needed encouragement to fuck her.

Pinning her hands either side of her head, you waste no time and enter her and it was honestly, quite possibly the best sensation you had ever felt. You begin to thrust immediately, ramming as deep as you can each thrust, stretching her slightly. You weren’t sure how long you would be able to last considering you were already quite on edge from Sana and the fact that Miyeon was staring at you so intently didn’t help at all.

At the same time, you felt her fists clench as each thrust was literally seeming to take her breath away. The two of you fucked for…..minutes?….an hour?….you didn’t even know, it felt like a decent amount of time but it wasn’t enough. Like you didn’t want this to ever end. You just wanted to keep fucking her for forever. At some point Miyeon broke through your grip and freed her hands, wrapping it around your shoulders, trying to pull you closer.

You were panting with each thrust now, trying not to cum, aware of how dangerously close you were to your release, ready to pull out any second.

That’s when Miyeon, grabbed your face, staring at you a moment too long and gave you a deep kiss, “Stay in me, don’t pull out, fill me up…please”, she whimpered practically while at the same time wrapping her legs around your waist tightly not giving you much of a choice really. Not that you had any problems with that. You began to pound her faster, both of you moving in perfect rhythm.

That’s when Miyeon cums, managing a strangled gasp as she shakes with pleasure, her convulsions send you over the edge as well and you practically explode inside her, wave after wave of your cum filling her up. As you both came together, it felt euphoric and eternal yet at the same time it also felt like it only lasted for a second. You both were panting heavily, looking at each other and you hesitated a little bit and leant in, kissing her passionately for a few seconds before you pull away. Miyeon blushes a little when you pull away, slowly letting go of you, almost like she wanted to hold on for a bit more.

Sana scoots over, “oh, you both seemed to enjoy it a lot more, Y/N was she really that much better than me?, she said smiling mischievously.

You freeze, glancing at Miyeon who looked like she would slap you if you gave the wrong answer. You fumbled over your words without saying any real answer which caused both girls to giggle which made you realize they were just teasing.

“Well, it’s quite late and us girls need our sleep”, Sana said suddenly, signaling that was time for you to leave. “Especially, after you tired us out so much”, Miyeon added with a giggle.

You were handed your clothes by Miyeon, a bit puzzled because you were pretty sure that’s not where you had left them but maybe you just were lost in your excitement and forgot. Regardless, you bid them goodbye and went on your way.

As you waited at the bus stop, you reflected on everything that just happened. For some reason, your thoughts were lingering back to Miyeon repeatedly. You lie to yourself about why that is, knowing full well the truth but you just felt too proud at the moment to admit it, even if it was to yourself. Luckily for you, the bus approached before you truly lost in your thoughts and feelings.

As you sat, you couldn’t help but feel something squish in your pocket. You search to find a small piece of paper scrunched up, curious, you unscramble it and find a series of numbers. No, a number, a phone number below which was written ‘M’ with a heart next to it. Looking out of the window, you smile to yourself, excited, your heart fluttering, perhaps you are going to have to revisit your feelings sooner than you thought…..

[starryeyeddreamer21]

I need Vaggie and Husk to be friends SO badly. I just think they have potential like they could possibly be one of the best duos if given a chance. I actually have so many thoughts on this so hear me out:

There's so much potential JUST because of their relationships with Charlie and Angel (Charlie and Angel are siblings but we don't need to get into that right now)

But seriously short grumpy characters with wings and their extroverted beanpole partner is killing me

So basically I can see them both ranting about what their partners are doing on a daily basis but it always ends with "I love them SO much" "Cheers I'll drink to that"

I have a feeling Charlie and Angel are both the kind of people to leave lipstick marks on their partners and just not tell them so Husk and Vaggie have to check each other out real quick before going anywhere. I mean no questions asked just one of them standing in front of the other with their arms and legs spread out until the other one gives them a thumbs up or a rag to clean it off with.

I also think it would be funny if Husk was the first person to know Vaggie was an angel he just didn't mention it. He says so himself that the residents of the hotel will spill their secrets when they get drunk so Vaggie definitely got drunk and let it slip that she was an angel but didn't remember it by morning. Husk's motto is basically "That's none of my business" so he just doesn't say anything.

Also continuing with the "that's none of my business" thing, Vaggie absolutely agrees with that sentiment as long as it doesn't hurt Charlie or the hotel. Neither of them like people digging into their business and having Alastor in their lives means someone is ALWAYS digging so it's nice to be with someone who just does not care.

Oh and they both shit on Alastor 24/7 so good for them

PREENING EACH OTHER!!! By the time Vaggie gets her wings back they're close enough for this. Husk hates his wings and is shit at taking care of them but Vaggie really wants this to happen. She does miss some things about the exorcists and that's one of them. Of course she would never say that out loud but Husk gets it and they do it anyway.

Vaggie would start flying ALL THE TIME after getting her wings like she has so much time to catch up on. Angel knows that her and Husk are good friends and that Husk hates his form so he'll get Vaggie to convince Husk to fly with her. It takes a little bit but they have fun and Charlie is really proud of her so it's worth it.

They can literally sit in comfortable silence for hours and not get bored

They bicker all the time about everything like they'll say the meanest shit but they're besties and they're joking so it's fine

They are so down to kill Valentino at any time. They have multiple plans, they have lists, they're really creative about it too.

They'll just sit, people watch, and judge strangers together

They're so judgemental but also the least judgmental??? They'd be like "Why would you do that you dumbass" but also actually listen to what's being said and try to find a reasonable solution for each other

Double dates that Vaggie and Husk don't actually want to go on but unfortunately Charlie and Angel are convincing (they have a really good time)

They were both stripped from their occupations (overlord/angel). They miss it sometimes and they feel bad about it because they were both terrible people during those times. When they get like this they always seek each other's company. Sometimes they actually talk about it, sometimes they change the subject to something completely different, sometimes they have a drink and sit in silence. Either way they only acknowledge it with each other.

Husk teaches Vaggie how to make drinks. It's calming for him (even though it's annoying that he's technically being forced to do it) so he thought she might like it. She does and is actually really good at it. When they get more residents she'll help him out behind the bar.

Sometimes they'll sing together. They sound amazing and their partners love it. Husk also tries to teach Vaggie how to play saxophone it does not go as good as bartending did

They're the only ones in the hotel that can speak Spanish so yes they do use that to their advantage

Are both so tired all the time. They just deserve a stress free nap. They end up curled up together asleep and are found by Angel in the middle of the night. He takes a picture and immediately sends it to Charlie. Charlie and Angel manage to keep the picture but are not allowed to show anyone or ever mention it again.

They would never actually admit to being friends even though they're best friends and one of the few people the other can actually stand being around

JUST HUSK AND VAGGIE BEING BEST FRIENDS YOU GUYS

[santanasaintmendes]

make tacos, not war

part4! to the cosmic girl records 

¡cosmic girl records!

summary: tacos, tequila, beaches, the mexican grand prix, beefing with charles and getting roasted by the grid, anything else? 

olliebearman x reader & platonic!grid x reader 

fc!: gorgeous girls on pinterest all credits go to their rightful owners!

disclaimer!: there are sensitive and offensive jokes used below so do not interact if you are not ok with those things! If there is anything that i have included that is seriously inappropriate and harmful to people contact me and let me know so i can do my best to make sure everyone is happy!

a/n: AHHHHHHH! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported the ¡cosmic girl records! so far it seriously makes my day to see all the likes and reblogs.

warnings!: talking about addiction to alcohol (the 2019 rookies call y/n an alcoholic), joking about death, y/n calls checo mr taco man, swearing, offensive jokes, british slander i’m sorry 😞, stealing of best friends, the knife emoji?

word count!: 1.6k

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, lilymhe, charles_leclerc, georgerussell64 and 4,472,382 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: siesta, fiesta, tequila and repeat! 

tagged olliebearman

view 23,392 comments 

 bestie1: while i rot away in my pj’s watching friends smh 😔

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: I LITERALLY ASKED IF U WANTED TO COME TOO????

|

 bestie1: oh yeah 

user1: SHE’S SO PRETTY TF?? 

 user2: the third pic 😍

|

 user3: the first pic 😍

|

 user4: the second pic 😍 

 olliebearman: the first pic: moments before disaster 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: don’t expose me like that???

|

 user9: hittin’ the man with the triple question mark, shit’s about to get real

|

 olliebearman: she fell into the water.

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 unfortunatelyy/n: OPEN THE DOOR 

|

 user12: GIRL WHAT

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 olliebearman: NO STOP TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE FRONT DOOR YOU PSYCHO

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: that’s fine. your windows open

|

 olliebearman: WHAT 

|

 user5: is he still alive 

|

 user6: he may be dead i fear 

 unfortunatelyy/n: update: oliver james bearman is no longer a problem in today’s society 😄

|

 landonorris: damn hittin him with the full government name is cold 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: shut up what do you know 

|

 landonorris: more than you that’s for sure 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: WHY CAN’T U JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE 

|

 landonorris: if i remember correctly, YOU were the one who wanted to be friends 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: I WAS 5. i was young, dumb and foolish, i didn’t know what i wanted 😔

|

 landonorris: @georgerussell64 @alex_albon 

|

 georgerussell64: hmm, i smell a liar 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: tf u sniffing around for mf 

|

 alex_albon: damn so aggressive 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: shut up your girlfriend’s cheating on you with me 

|  alex_albon: 🥲

|

 user7: alex’s smiling through the pain fr 

user8: the 2019 rookie’s goal this year: make y/n suffer 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 schecoperez: i approve, nice photos 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: thank you mr taco man 

|

 user9: MR TACO MAN HELP

|

 user10: okay now i’m convinced they’re besties 

 liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user11: I could use a glass of tequila right about now 

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, georgerussell64, alexandrasaintmleux and 6,382,493 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: tequila, tamales, a boy, what more could a girl want?

tagged olliebearman

view 93,392 comments 

 user1: did ollie so dirty in the third pic 😭

|

 user2: that’s what happens when u cross y/n 😭

 olliebearman: i take it you’re still mad at me?

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: yes ❤️🔪

|

 user7: NOT THE KNIFE EMOJI 

 carlossainz55: remind me again to never offend you in any way 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: @olliebearman watch and learn 

|

 olliebearman: ok 😔

|

 landonorris: yeah ollie 😒

|

 olliebearman: why are you attacking me too 😭

|

 landonorris: idk it’s fun 

|

 olliebearman: wow. 

user3: we love savage y/n, may she reign forever 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 landonorris: y/n confirmed alcoholic  

|

 georgerussell64: y/n confirmed clown 

|

 alex_albon: y/n confirmed delusional girl 

|

 charles_leclerc: y/n confirmed idiot 

|

 user8: damn 😭

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: DAMN WHAT DID I DO TO YA’LL 

|

 charles_leclerc: live. 

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 alex_albon: steal my girlfriend.

|

 georgerussell64: take my phone charger WITHOUT my permission

|

 landonorris: @charles_leclerc what he said

|

unfortunatelyy/n: . . . I-

|

 landonorris: absolutely speechless, completely baffled, rendered loquacious 

|

 user5: i didn’t realise lando had that many words in his vocabulary 

|

 georgerussell64: okay pop off shakespeare i see u 👀

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: I HATE YOU ALL ESPECIALLY YOU @charles_leclerc

|

 charles_leclerc: it’s okay we all hate you too! 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: i don’t usually swear but you charles marc herve percival leclerc are one little shit 

|

 charles_leclerc: DIE. 

|

 user6: oof his ego took a hit with the full name 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: after you, ladies first 😌

|

 charles_leclerc: @olliebearman come and get your girlfriend she’s escaped her cage 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR @alexandrasaintmleux I’M ABOUT TO MURDER YOUR BOYFRIEND COME AND GET HIM BEFORE I DO

|

 user4: HELP GUYS THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING 

|

 olliebearman: @alexandrasaintmleux gf/bf duty calls 😔

|

 alexandrasaintmleux: 😔

liked by olliebearman, lilymhe, lewishamilton, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt and 3,382,382 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: ready for this weekend! 

tagged olliebearman

view 18,372 comments

 olliebearman: thank you for the nice photos this time 🥰

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: you’re welcome peasant 

|

 olliebearman: i can never win around here 

|

 user3: poor ollie 😔

user4: THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS KILLING ME 

user1: guys we’ve officially lost her to ferrari 😔

 landonorris: traitor. 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: excuse me child

|

 landonorris: don’t play dumb, you abandoned mclaren and here i was thinking we were best friends 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: WHY DO YOU KEEP ATTACKING ME IN MY OWN INSTA COMMENTS FACE ME LIKE A MAN 

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 landonorris: don’t change the subject

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 user2: bro took a hit on his ego with that one 

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 landonorris: i’m calling in the reinforcements @charles_leclerc @georgerussell64 @alex_albon

| 

 unfortunatelyy/n: STOP 🛑✋

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 georgerussell64: she can’t even admit it 

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 alex_albon: shame on you 

|

 charles_leclerc: why’d u call me i literally drive for ferrari

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 landonorris: cuz u roast her the best

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 unfortunatelyy/n: u guys suck

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 charles_leclerc: he’s not wrong 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: I HATE YOU 

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 charles_leclerc: the feeling is mutual 

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 landonorris: you not only betrayed me but the other idiots too

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 alex_albon: i speak for all williams fans when i say FOR SHAME 

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 georgerussell64: FOR SHAMEEEEEE

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 lilymhe: 🤨 whatchu hatin on my wifey for @alex_albon @georgerussell64

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 carmenmmundt: yeah? 🤨

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 alex_albon: @georgerussell64 help what do we do

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 georgerussell64: if anyone asks, i’ve left the country.

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 user5: GEORGE HELP 

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 alex_albon: how could you abandon me like that 

|

 user6: such a fake friend fr 

liked by landonorris, olliebearman, oscarpiastri, georgerussell64, alex_albon, lilymhe and 6,829,200 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: cheat meal!

tagged olliebearman

view 38,292 comments 

user1: she’s never beating the alcoholic allegations im afraid 😔

 user2: WHY DOES THE FOOD LOOK SO GOOD, I’M BOOKING A FLIGHT TO MEXICO RN

|

 user3: get zambrero?

|

 user2: STFU IT’S NOT THE SAME 

 landonorris: caught in 4k 📸

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 olliebearman: @unfortunatelyy/n YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO POST IT ON YOUR INSTA 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: darling, every photo i take is for my insta 

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 user4: oo that gave me the chills “darling”

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 user5: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER OLLIE SHE’S BRITISH NOW 

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 user6: y/n now: 🤓🇬🇧

|

 ferrari: @olliebearman pick up the phone 

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 olliebearman: NO. 

|

 user7: RUN OLLIE RUNNNN 

user8: god bless y/n for these photos may she reign forever 🙏

liked by unfortunatelyy/n 

user9: smh, guys we’ve lost y/n to the tequila, only god can help her now 

user10: get yourself someone who looks at you the way ollie looks at that bowl of food 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

georgerussell64: why would you expose ollie like that, let my guy have his cheat meal without the entire internet coming after him 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: woah what happened to you 

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 georgerussell64: im afraid to ask what you mean 

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 unfortunatelyy/n: who knew george russell would vouch for MY BOYFRIEND 

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 georgerussell64: well it’s better than pushing him into the barriers every weekend 

|

 olliebearman 😰

 user11: i have an odd itching feeling that the 2019 rookies still hate ollie for dating their younger sister 

|

 user12: ya think 

liked by olliebearman, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, carlossainz55, lewishamilton, francisca.cgomes and 5,382,493 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: i cant. it’s race day. 

view 38,492 comments 

 landonorris: wow. exposing me like that. i hope u die alone 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: doing it for the plot 🤷‍♀️

|

 user7: AMEN SISTER 🙏🗣️

user1: poor lando, what was the tea tho 👀

user7: y/n’s got her priorities set straight 

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user2: SPILL THE TEA LANDOOOOOOO 

 carlossainz55: what is tea 

|

 olliebearman: it’s a drink??

|

 olliebearman: oh.

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: it’s okay i still love you 

|

 olliebearman: ok 😔

 charles_leclerc: SPILL THE TEA Y/N 🗣️

|

 carlossainz55: 🗣️🗣️

|

 maxvertappen1: 🗣️🗣️🗣️

|

 georgerussell64: 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

|

 schecoperez: 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

|

 landonorris: IF YOU TELL THEM YOU DIE 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: threatening me in my own comments, who do u think you are? |

 landonorris: . . .  your best friend . . . ? 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: nah, oscar’s my best friend now 

|

 landonorris: @oscarpiastri ?

|  oscarpiastri: @unfortunatelyy/n: YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: whoops 🫢

|  landonorris: i see how it is 😔

 user4: still waiting to know what the tea is 

|

 landonorris: YOU’LL NEVER KNOW 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: hm, we’ll see 👀

|

 landonorris:😰

user5: oscar and y/n best friends confirmed 👍

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

 user6: the y/n i know would spill the tea 👀

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: 👀

|

 user6: HELP Y/N 

liked by olliebearman, landonorris, charles_leclerc, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes and 8,382,859 others 

unfortunatelyy/n: love you to the moon and back a million times, always and forever, congratulations my love 🐻❤️

olliebearman: love you to the moon and back 🌙💞

liked by unfortunatelyy/n

user1: LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK? MY LOVE??? ARE U KIDDING ME 😭😭

user2: it’s the onions. it’s the onions. it’s the onions

user3: im not crying you are 

user4: homeboy’s turning 1 

user5: i can’t wait for lando to pop up in the comments it’s like whenever y/n posts he’s summoned or sum shit like that

user6: ah yes, young love 

user8: OMG I’M CRYINGGGG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

landonorris: @olliebearman u know, orange would look better on you, there’s a free seat available here at  mclaren 👀

|

 oscarpiastri: i thought you said we were okay 

|

 user9: why do they sound like an old couple tf 😭😭

|

 landonorris: i say a lot of things i don’t mean, traitor 😤

|

 oscarpiastri: you’re acting like a child 

|

 landonorris: no you are!

|

 oscarpiastri: says the guy who just used an exclamation mark in an insta comment 

|

 landonorris: its official. i’m going to dive bomb you off the track next week 

|

 oscarpiastri: what? after your DNF? cuz i don’t think that’s possible 

|

 user8: DAYUM 

|  unfortunatelyy/n: ooooooh he got u there @landonorris 

|

 landonorris: I HATE YOU, YOU STOLE MY BEST FRIEND 

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: i can’t have stolen him if he was my friend first 

|

 landonorris: wHaT. 

|

 oscarpiastri: ah yes, the magic of childhood friends 

|

 user7: HELP WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT 

|

 landonorris: but she’s american and you’re australian. . . right?

|

 unfortunatelyy/n: mhm sure 

|

 olliebearman: 😦

|

 landonorris: 😦

taglist time!: @ilivbullyingjeongin

a/n: thank you for reading if you got to the end! I hope it made you laugh, have a great day xx

[buckymorelikefuckme]

small but mighty

jake jensen x fem reader

words: 712

warnings & tags: **18+ ONLY** smut ahead besties, teasing, sex toys / use of sex toy (m receiving), handjob. pls let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: jakey baby go brrrr 🫨🫨🫨 lmao no but really this is just self indulgent filth idk what else to tell ya. i teased it here~ quickly read through but any and all mistakes are my own. feedback is greatly appreciated and highly encouraged! xoxo

jake jensen masterlist || main masterlist

He shouldn't have asked. It’s all he can think at the moment as his pulse throbs in his ears and his skin tingles with warmth. His entire being is humming with energy that he doesn't really know what to do with. He really shouldn't have asked.

But, like, he’s also kind of glad he did?

Listen. He found your toys—the whole trunk of them—and amidst the varying sizes and styles of dildos and nipple clamps and leather harnesses and bindings and every other thing that had him hard within minutes, he found a tiny and unassuming vibrator that he frowned at. Compared to everything else, he didn't really see what could be worth keeping this little toy for with the bells and whistles of the others.

So, naturally, after you found him sitting on the floor with your, ahem, toy box open and an expression on his face like he'd found a lost treasure, Jake asked what could be so great about it.

The grin you sent his way scared him and also made his dick twitch.

You told him a practical demonstration would be better. He'd been too blinded by his horniness to do anything besides hastily agree and immediately started stripping.

Which leads to the present. You're sitting on his legs in an effort to keep him still and it's only halfway working. But, in his defense, you've also got his cock in a firm grip, messy with lube and buzzing from the bullet vibrator he'd mistakenly judged too harshly. You've been dragging it along the length of him at an agonizing pace and he seriously can't help the way he writhes and twitches.

“Still think it's not a useful toy?” you ask, circling his tip with a look of concentration.

Jake’s hips buck beneath you, jostling you a bit. He apologizes breathlessly and tries to swallow past his dry mouth.

“N-No, I… I get it,” he acquiesces.

You smile at him, glancing at him from under your lashes. “Yeah? Do you think it feels good just here?” you wonder as you run it across his perineum. “Or do you think it would feel good elsewhere?”

“Wha…?”

His brain can't make sense of the question, but it catches on rather quickly when you take the vibrator away from his cock and tease his nipples with it. He gasps, gaze dropping where his nipples are becoming more sensitive than he ever thought they could. Goosebumps rise across his flesh and he shivers, closing his eyes as he pants for breath.

“They're very versatile,” you muse lightly.

“Yeah,” he replies, voice strained.

Slowly, you trail it down his chest and stomach, going past his leaking erection and to his balls. He jumps and lets out an undignified noise, and you choose that moment to begin stroking him in fast motions, slick sounds filling the air and mixing with his growing moans.

“Size doesn't matter, baby,” you tease.

He tries to laugh, but it comes out more like a sob. The muscles in his stomach clench and unclench, his hands torn between fisting the sheets and squeezing your hips as his orgasm creeps nearer. It's approaching rapidly and he tries to warn you, feels his thighs tense, but his jaw only slackens enough to let a guttural groan slip out.

“Come for me,” you whisper, and he can only do as he's told, shuddering as his cock pulses in your hand then spurts his release, dripping down your wrist and his balls.

He hears the vibrator get switched off, yet his ears are still buzzing from the pleasure racing through his veins. It takes him a moment to come down and to register the touch of your hands petting at his arms and shoulders.

“That thing packs a punch, huh?” he jokes.

You giggle and lean over him to give him a sweet kiss. “I know I said size doesn't matter,” you say, then bite your lip to contain your next giggle, “but I love your big dick, baby.”

Jake flushes and huffs, pinching your thigh and grunting when you pinch his nipple in retaliation. He's sated and more than happy that his silly question yielded such pleasing results.

Maybe he can ask about some more of your toys. You know, for science.

[lovergirl-brainrot]

Deal Makers and Deal Breakers in a Relationship with (some of) the Straw Hats

I'm honestly not very far into One Piece but I already can't stop thinking about it, so if this is inaccurate to something that happens way further in the series then I'm so sorry, bestie.

Some things that I think are major positives and major draw backs in a relationship with Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Nami, and Usopp that could make or break a relationship depending on your tastes.

Fem reader, one minor NSFW mention in Luffy's

𝒮𝒶𝓃𝒿𝒾

Deal Maker

He's so romantic in the traditional sense. Sanji is the flowers on every date, breakfast in bed, long walks on the beach kind of boyfriend. You guys could be married for 50 years and he'll still be thinking of ways to impress you because he's so deeply in love.

Deal Breaker

He does not stop flirting with other women. He'll do it right in front of you and not think twice about it. You're the girl he wants to devote his life to, but it's hard to believe sometimes when he still throws himself at any hot woman he sees. But if you try to flirt with other people, he is seething. He's so jealous that it makes him sick.

𝓩𝓸𝓻𝓸

Deal Maker

He is so devoted and it shows in every aspect of your relationship. There is not a single thing he wouldn't do for you. Fight for you, move heavy objects, carry you back to the ship if your feet get tired... He wouldn't admit it if you held a gun to his head, but he loves to be of service to you. He likes to feel needed. If you ask him to do something and he doesn't know how, he will figure it out by any means necessary.

Deal Breaker

Does not take your feelings as seriously as he should. If you're upset about something minor and he sees you pouting he'll tell you to stop complaining about it. He thinks it's good for you. In his mind it encourages strength and discipline. He also refuses to communicate with you if he thinks you have an attitude. He shuts you down because he doesn't want to argue with you.

𝓝𝓪𝓶𝓲

Deal Maker

She is so open and honest with you. She makes it clear that you can go to her for absolutely anything. She's not afraid to tell you what she thinks but never does it with the intention of hurting you. She is a full believer that shared joy is a double joy and shared sorrow is half a sorrow. If you need advice, a reminder of how much you're loved, or someone to talk shit with, you always want to turn to Nami first.

Deal Breaker

Nothing, she's perfect. I love women.

But in all seriousness, she has a hard time sharing. She does not believe in the idea of "what's mine is yours." She doesn't like to share no matter what it is. Food, clothes, money... You name it.

𝓤𝓼𝓸𝓹𝓹

Deal Maker

He'll do anything to make you laugh, even if it means embarrassing himself. Your smile makes his heart stop, so he works HARD to keep it on your face. If you need someone to cheer you up after crying, Usopp is the man for the job. He tells you stories that are obviously fake but he'll never stop because those make you laugh too. He's good at lifting your spirits even in the most dire of circumstances. He'll bury his own feelings that the crew isn't making it out of this one alive to reassure you and make you feel better.

Deal Breaker

He can be so insensitive at times. He never wants to hurt you, but he can be just as good at putting you down as he is at lifting you up. He wants so badly to impress others and seem cool that the stories he tells to others will make you out to be worse than you are so he can make himself look good in comparison. He'll make jokes at your expense, even if he knows it's something you're insecure about. Usopp will intentionally exclude you from some things and he doesn't understand why it's a problem. He gossips about the crew with Nami but refuses to let you in on it.

𝓛𝓾𝓯𝓯𝔂

Deal Maker

He's very fun to be around. He always wants you to have a good time. He's easy to be with and he keeps your life exciting. You're the first person he invites when he wants to do something he thinks will be fun. At restaurants he excitedly says "this is really good, you should try it" and offers you some of his food. Every morning he asks what you're doing that day so he can come along and make it more enjoyable.

Deal Breaker

He has absolutely no filter. Luffy doesn't tend to think before he speaks so he is honest to a fault. He'll tell you exactly what's on his mind, but doesn't try to say it with tact or empathy in the way that Nami does. That means pointing out your insecurities, telling strangers about your sex life, telling the rest of the crew all of the details they have no business knowing when you're in the middle of an argument, etc.

[welcomingdisaster]

years of the trees tumblr dashboard simulator

🦜filitárifinds Follow

second mingling soft mouse

🌸 drunkinalqualonde Follow

second mingling soft mouse reblog for peace and comfort always

🌧️ hailxrainxstars Follow

i can't scroll past the mingling mouse

🪻dancer_spirit Follow

guys it's literally opening hour

🦦 whatabotterit Follow

opening hour will end but mingling mouse is forever

#sighs #i suppose i must reblog #second mingling soft mouse

( 12990 notes )

🌻sweetflowersofspring Follow

spilled all the seed pods at yavanna's temple and accidentally sa-si'ed in front of my crush (who only ever uses Þ 😭) and now i come home and learn the hounds have come loose and run off to chase the wild hunt... can i just get whatever queen miriel died from it's too late for me now folks

🔥lordoflight Follow

Explain to me how and why you think it's okay to joke about that.

#idiots online #disrespect #upsetting

( 12 notes )

🌳 twotreesdaily Follow

Yet another image which fails to capture the majesty and beauty of Laurelin, yet in its imperfection reveals the grandness and completeness of that design, which none shall surpass.

#perfection #beauty #tree #merging of light and life #the valar #gold #symbol of eternal youth and the divine feminine #wow

( 299 notes )

🐾 awwooooo Follow

join the wild hunt we've got deer jerky

🐾 awwooooo Follow

also orgies

🐾 awwooooo Follow

but seriously so much deer jerky there's too much someone please take some

( 188 notes )

🪺 maidenwithoutacause Follow

normalize taking naps and being so so sleepy

🗡️fireson5 Follow

That literally kills people.

🪺 maidenwithoutacause Follow

that was ONE time

#sorry op but it's literally 100% of our mortality rate he's got a point

( 355 notes )

🦢 silversmith Follow

"nolofinwë's right" this "curufinwë's right" that ... do we ever talk about how arafinwë just fucked off to to drink cocktails on the beach in alqualondë and married the hottest elf-maiden in all of aman? icon for this

( 82 notes )

Based on your likes!

🐞 bugdaughter Follow

any girls want to go to the macalaurë feanorian orchestral and exchange kisses under the starlight....

🐞 bugdaughter Follow

perhaps tenderly grasp each other's hands

🐞 bugdaughter Follow

... unwed

#not safe for tumblr #horny posting

( 19 notes )

🕊️ justsomevanya Follow

okay wondering if i'm weird

#polls #haha is it just me

( 58 notes )

🎶freepeoplefreesong Follow

gotta be real it's sad to see cancel culture coming for melkor he's done his time let him live

🌄 smithworkirl Follow

bestie he's a war criminal

🎶freepeoplefreesong Follow

he's coming to my house party tomorrow ✌️ peace and love

#seriously tho unfollow me if you think people can't change #the light is healing and cleanses all #don't you believe in redemption

( 31 notes )

⛰️ 12elves3kings

prince turukáno house of nolofinwë. you agree. reblog.

( 67 notes )

[akitasimblr]

oh lá lá! household 2 starts with a lot of luck!! the benevolent god is on your side, guys!!

and just as the group sets foot on the island, anselme makes THE QUESTION! «who has the higher friendship bar, who gets to go on a date with the bachelor?»

araminta hearst-irsay is the lucky one with 33 points of friendship! and she will spend 12 hours with the bachelor in the WowWow Hut!!

dude? what the hell?? why on earth would you start your date with mischievous interactions?!!?!? fortunately, araminta went along with your silliness...!

SERIOUSLY?! a fart, dodo?! 😶😂😂😂

yes, let's start again and forget the last 4 hours... 🫤

a dirty joke? dodo??? are you taking love advice from your twisted twin???? 😁😁

well, the boy has been wanting 'action' since he set foot on the WowWow hut and araminta said YES!!

i suppose it was golden woohoo!! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

and as thei return to the deserted island, valerie catches araminta right away and asks if there was any kiss... oh girl, you have no idea 💋💋💋

bo wants to make amends and is the first one starting a conversation with our bachelor 😎

but soon, bo's evil ways strike against... valerie, oops!

meanwhile, contestants start to meet each other. anselme, for some reason, decided to lie about his career - apparently, he is a secret agent? 😁

sierra is sharing interests with lyric and lyric and lucian are about to become besties! they spent HOURS talking in the water 🥰

don't ask me why, but valerie finds ALL dodo's jokes b-o-o-o-r-i-n-g!!

and sierra decided to flirt with anselme because he is "sooooo cute", i quote :)

the night goes on, anselme decides to cook something and lucian ends up sleeping in the canoe that seems to be around the island (it is not ours!!!).

and as dawn peeks in, sierra decides to make her "baywatch" scene 😎🛟🌊 see you tomorrow, guys!

🌴previous | next🌴

bo cash by @ravingsockmonkey sierra mitchell by @tipsy-clouds anselme parmentier by @agena87 valerie queens by @enchanting-whim araminta hearst-irsay by @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants lyric cross by @micrathene-w lucian vinca by @jonquilyst

[justcallmesakira]

BESTIE IF U DONT DO THIS REQ N I WILL FACKING EAT UR MUTUALS

DAZAI WITH A SISTER DAZAI WITH A SISTER DAZAI WITH A SISTER!!

she has black cat energy and err makes suicidal jokes here and then but never does t and chuuyas always the one who pulls her away from dazais tendencies because he DOES NOT want reader to follow dazais steps and err dazai and reader have a 2 year gap and err basically dazai took her away with him when he left and thats were she sort of stopped talking BECAUSE BOOM CHIKA BOOM ODAS DEATH LEFT HER MORE TRAUAMATIZED THAN THE KIDS ASAGIRI BLEW UP!!! so errr crack and chuuya and reader is ummmm AHEM AHEM AHEM (cough coug)

AND BASICALLY MORI HAS THIS like obsession of bringing reader back to the mafia like he constantly says stuff like "Dazai, my offer still stands but please remember that i would really really love to see your dear sister back first" LIKE YKNOW WHAT I AM SAYING???????????

DAZAI AND HIS YOUNGER SISTER!

Sypnosis: you are the younger sister of Da-dazai! Is he a great brother or not? UPPP TO YOU! >< oh and maybe hide your secret vists with chuuya please!!

Genre: crack and heavy angst! (dont question it)

Warnings: suicidal themes! cans of gasoline, glitter bombs, reader is very quiet type, manipulation (for good use!)

A/N: yummy yummy

uh oh! this is gonna be so damn messy

so um first of all! i really think reader would be very intelligent like dazai like oh fuck! i just got under a whole rubble of rocks by some guy who btw is the enemy of my brother quick! think of something

and then theres this bsd aesthetic plan you make and just survive! to the shock of your horror... :D

okay but in all seriousness! he defiently jokingly gave you his suicide guide to if u ever felt inspired by him

VERY VERY NORMAL BROTHER ACTIVITY!!1

dazai stop influencing people around you to plug off them self challenge impossible: GO!!

if you do however join his meticulous activites kunikidas actually going to blow up

😇

but imagine how cute it would be a black cat energy young sis and a golden retriver brother like bish forget romantic relationships like dazai who sometimes forget he left his sister at work!

but ynkow mf dazai always wants to keep close to you because he was never really there (like my fake as friends🙄) back in the mafia! woohoo

so now you can asks him for whatever you want but now he actually feels guilty because you have now become the silent type and dont really talk that much

Great job dazai! best brother everr!❤️

Imagine running away from the mafia with ur lil sister then realising she doesnt even want to talk anymore and that you might actually failed as a big brother even after buying her a whole lotta stuff

COULDNT BE OSAMU DAZAI GUYS!!!

tell him to take you to an amusement park and he will! but dont be surprised if you see him trying to run to jump off a bridge because he does not have for the sake of god any money!

AYY dazai cosplaying toji to get milk? real or fake??? find out here!

dont click on the link :3

ANYWAYS he definetly tries his best to get you back to talking sure the only thing he could do is talk to himself with you beside him doodling some stuff but yknow...it genuinely makes him form a sad smile when he gets reminded that maybe if he were a better brother and actually comforted you it would have ended better

"I saw a cat today yknow! it had a black eye and orange patterns. Somehow it looked wise" dazai said relazing on the chair, his hands behind his head, the whole night of yokohama was quiet only the flicker of the dim light placed underneath the balcony ceiling could be heard.

The night was calm too, it had a soft storm-like feel to it. Dazai knew you were listening thats probably why he would talk to you all these months, no one else was there for him anyway. So its better than nothing.

All of a sudden amdist the silence several pokes tapped on his shoulder which made his eyes widen slightly. You held up your sktechbook infront of his face, a bunch of doodles of him and a full sketch of his side profile

"(Name)... This is amazing! Wow you could be a talented artist yknow!!" he said you didnt know whether he was just flattering you or not because of the emptiness in his eyes. Depression changes a person. But the slight flicker of light in his made it visible to your loud mind. Dazai was glad you made some progress.

Okay now hb your interactions with da agency??

I am pretty sure both you and him joined da agency together (gotta make sure his sister ACTUALLY doesn`t follow his steps!😋😋😋😋)

kunikida may act all cold around you and view u as some kid especially when you randomly make the most random ass suicidal jokes in the middle of a meeting but...

Lets say he sort of checks up on both of you every morning! cant let the dogs out now kunikida! you never know what they do....

iykwimyk

now yosano girlypop is the only person who shows genuine concern for you when you get hurt why? because she was bamboozled when she found out you are dazais sibling like

"huh- are you actually capable of being a brother? more so having family"

dazai be at the corner weeping because of the amount of slander

DESERVEDDDD😍😍😍

I can totally see fukuzawa patting both of you and dazais head after you two collaborated on a mission

IDWGDHYWDFYUDFILOVEFATHERRELATIONSHIPS

he prob randomly call you for tea i mean not too randomly but he likes your black cat energy

speaking of which ranpo and you bully da heck out of criminals before they ultimately mistake you for some god!! /nj

kenji and kyouka just chills around you and tries debating what you and dazai have in common.

belonging in the mental asylum. thats whats common between you two/nj again😁😁

With chuuya

NAWWWWH BRO NAWW☠️

Chuuyas gonna end upl like this emoji☠️☠️☠️

Okay maybe i am over exaggerating this but yknow dazai is like really smart

UNFORTUNATELY!!!

So he will definitely know when ever you two act a little🤭😝😘🤗😍🥰👍

Hes going to get tjat expression from chapter 114 and chew chuuyas expensive tuxedo!!

I bet after he finds out hes straight up going to give chuuya a flashback of stormbringer era!! 😍😁

#verynormalbrother

"W-w-w-what da SKIBIDI [name]??? YOU WILL NOT AND NEVER MEET CHUUYA AGAIN" "wow... and i thought you were trying to become a better brother :(" "YOUNG LA- i-" ":("

He was about to say lad

like manipulative ass brother like sister ig! :33333333

He prob had suspicions back in the mafia especially because of how you mostly stuck around chuuya when he wasnt there

YOUR FAULT BRO!!!

And then u rizzed chuuya up with double black eyes (get it?)

"You know [name] it still hurt me, though i promised i would never say it infront of your face but.." Chuuya said seriousness in his tone looking at you eyes "But please stop looking at me with those cat like eyes they deeply remind of someone and I DO NOT like it"

He ended this funny note with a genuine fear and irritation in his eyes. you only nodded and continued to stare at him, your eyes rivaling a black hole not that hole by the way.

A tingling feeling gathered in himself as chuuya looks at your blank stare "Dont look at me like that!" he raised his flustered voice, a small hue of pink appearing on his cheek which only grew as you held on to his sleeve, snuggling against it like a cat.

But before he could be more flushed a really dark aura crept up behind you and then, right then you knew you fucked up bad.

"i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-cant believe this!" your brothers voice perked up behind you genuine horror on his face as if he just saw his bestfriend die infront of him twice.

"Oh my fucki-" chuuya sighed, both of you are caught. "[name] ICANTBELIEVETHISOMGIAMGOINGTOENDMYSELFLIKEMYOTHERVERSIONFROMANOTHERUNIVERSEWHOLOWEREDYOURSTANDERDSICANTBELIEVETHISHIT" dazai rapped at super speed, an anger and shock unwordable enough for you to be confused at whatever hes yapping about. "DAZAI what the fuck??" now chuuya was confused too.

"ANDYOU, HERMANADAPUTA (sisterfucker in english) YOUUGLYSHORTMFWITHNOFLAGSNONOTHING,YOUTRUSTISSUED?IWILLGIVEYOUPRISONFORLIFEISSUES" "WHAT IS YOU BROTHER YAPPING ABOUT?"

And all you could do was watch in horror as the scene unfolds infront of you. But safe to say you got in big trouble when you went back home!

anyways dazais going to go full on 8 cans of gasoline on the portmafia if more is obsessed with you like him

and then you realised..

"fOr tHe fIrSt TiMe iN fOrEVer" he actually did/nj

Okay okay but in all seriousness (litearlly @justcallmesakira catchphrase guys!!) Dazai would genuinely become more protective of you if mori was targeting towards you.

i would run away to antarctica too if mori even tried interacting with me

SHES A RUNNER SHES A TRACKSTAR!!!!!🏃💨

But if you are intelligent then i guess you met fyodor too? And maybe some sort of rivalry goes on between you two like "oh its my brothers enemy, gotta help my bro blow him up!"

I have nothing much to say because dazai would make secret plans (which you alrdy know) to make sure mori doesnt get too close with you

Like oh he was planning to approach you that day? BOOM dazai is already there. Yeah like that

If mori says that however... Dazai will reply with a dark eyed gloom,tilting his head back creepily "You will have to need more then the whole of port mafia to interact with my sister"

Dazai hates mori alot and though he knows that you are old enough to handle situations that doesnt mean he wont care for his only sister. You are the only thing left that he can protect without feeling inhumanity or faraway.

A/N: HATE THISSSS NOOOUUU

Tags: @inojuuy @biscuits-spooky-corner @terururuko @little-miss-chaoss @saelique @silverbladexyz @typcallysid14 @nezuko-kamado-cute-demon

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: I Can’t Help Myself*

————————————————————————-

Summary: While Joe’s away doing foundation stuff, there's an overwhelming amount of photos of him popping up on Twitter and Instagram. All of them had you patiently waiting for your fiance's arrival home.

Warnings: Smut

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagines Universe: Just the Two of Us

A/N: Apron and shirtless Joe have me feral, had to speed-write this.

————————————————————————-

March 3rd, 2024

It all started with an innocent text from my bestie.

Attachment: 1 Image… Tumblr is going crazy over this right now!

At that moment, I shook my head with a laugh at my best friend's text. She was on Tumblr to keep up with her celebrity crushes, but one day, she jokingly looked my fiance's name up. She would never give me details about what was on the ‘tag’, but she'd now and then tell me what was up with Joe Burrow Tumblr.

Joe had left the house earlier today for a foundation event at a soup kitchen here in Cincy. Robin and Jimmy, Joe’s parents, had come from Athens and were going with him.

By the looks of the picture my best friend sent, Joe wasn't having as bad of a time as he anticipated he would. This morning was full of endless grumbles before I eventually shoved Joe out of the door, but he was smiling in the picture as he poured some soup into a bowl.

He seriously looked adorable. The Guinness hat gives him an oddly innocent look, while the apron he's wearing adds to the cuteness factor.

I'm so buying that man an apron to wear when we're cooking. I thought to myself, giggling out loud.

After sending my bestie a quick response back, I pulled up Joe’s contact.

Nice apron, cutie. 😉

Naturally, It was a while later when Joe answered, but his response set butterflies off in my stomach.

Depending on the intentions behind the wink emoji, I could ask to bring one home if it works ya up.

Taking a few moments to calm down, I shot a nonchalant response back to Joe.

The hat too?

The hat too. I draw the line at the plastic gloves, though. I gotta feel you with no barriers, baby.

How this man can control every pulse point in my body with just his words will never fail to amaze me.

Shit, my mom was reading that beside me. 😬

JOSEPH LEE BURROW.

My stomach dropped at the thought of Robin reading her son practically dirty-talking to me. That's next-level embarrassment.

I'm joking, babe. See you later, with an apron and hat.

Omg, Joe! If I was with you right now, you'd get smacked in the back of the head. I love you, though. See ya later!

Love you too. 😘

This morning, Joe woke up ready to go. I'm not talking about being ready to go to the foundation event, I'm talking about sex.

Joe woke up most mornings wanting a quick romp to start the day, so it had slowly become a part of our daily routine.

It was a different story today, though.

—

Still naked from the previous night’s lovemaking session, Joe had pulled me into him as our lips met. I'd just gotten close enough to grind on his erection when Joe’s phone rang on the nightstand.

“You should probably get that.” - you said between kisses

Joe groaned out of annoyance when he pulled away and grabbed his phone, rolling his eyes when he saw the caller ID.

“Who is it?” - you stroked his chest

“My mom.” - Joe

“Why'd you roll your eyes then?” - you

He sighed and pulled me into his chest, moving his hips away, knowing any friction would make him lose control.

“She treats me like a little kid every time we have one of these foundation events.” - Joe

“You're her baby, Joe. She’s just looking out for you.” - you

Joe nodded with a sigh and accepted the call.

“Hey Mom, yeah I'm awake.” - Joe

His deep, raspy morning voice made my cheeks heat up, and I hid my blush in his chest.

“My shirt’s been ironed, yes. y/n ironed it and laid it out last night.” - Joe

The silence gave me the ability to hear what Robin was saying, and the words she said only made my heart flutter.

“You better have thanked her. Joe, I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have that woman by your side.” - Robin

“I'm very lucky, Mom. Wouldn't be who I am without her.” - Joe

“Make sure she knows that. I'll see you later, sweetie!” - Robin

“Bye, Mom.” - Joe

I cuddled closer to Joe, listening to him mumble a quick “Yes, I love you too” before hanging up.

“Wouldn't be where you are without me, huh sheisty?” - you laughed

“Shut it.” - Joe rolled his eyes

A few seconds of content silence passed before Joe cleared his throat and sat up.

“Okay, I'm like super horny right now, but I'm gonna push that away because I've been thinking about something.” - Joe

“What's that?” - you

“We still haven't told anybody that I proposed. I told you we could wait till we got back to Cincy, and we've been back for weeks. I'm trying to say that we need to tell our families soon.” - Joe

“Oh ok, that's fine. Whenever you want to, I'm down.” - you

“Actually? Just like that?” - Joe

I giggled and gently reached out to comb back the curls that had fallen over on Joe’s forehead.

“Yeah, just like that. It's been fun keeping it just between us, but I want nothing more than telling our family we’re gonna get married.” - you

“Can I also ask you about something else?” - Joe

“Mhm.” - you

Joe sighed and took a second to clear his thoughts.

“You okay?” - you

“Yeah… I'm just trying to pay attention, it's kinda hard to, you know…” - Joe

He flicked his head down toward the tented sheet covering his lap.

“Focus, babe.” - you laughed

“Okay, uhm… what if we got married earlier than this coming offseason?” - Joe

“What do you mean?” - you tilted your head to the side

“What if we got married at the courthouse, no one else there? Just you, me, and the judge. It could be as soon as next month or as late as a week before our actual ceremony.” - Joe

I let his idea sink in, thinking about how sweet his idea of getting married soon is.

“I’m listening.” - you smiled

“We won't do our big vows or even exchange rings yet, just the license saying we're married, and hopefully your name change.” - Joe grinned

“y/n Burrow.” - you

Joe grinned from ear to ear, a blush on his cheeks as he heard my first name paired with his last name.

“Always thought that sounded perfect. I remember thinking about it on the first day of college during roll call. I couldn't take my eyes off of you after our professor said your name, and I thought about your last name as Burrow.” - Joe

“You're adorable.” - you

“Thanks.” - Joe

A few seconds went by without either of us saying something, but Joe broke it with a sigh.

“Are we going to continue what we were doing before your mom called?” - you

“Sadly, I have to start getting ready. Waiting will make tonight even better, though.” - Joe winked

“How do you know I'll even want it later?” - you

“You will, baby. You always do.” - Joe

—

Now, here I was, staring at a picture of my fiance pouring soup into a bowl.

Something about the moment just screamed husband.

Maybe it was the adorable apron. Or hat. Or plastic gloves.

Whatever it was, I wanted more of it. More of him. All of him.

My thoughts lingered to the most intimate moments with Joe. Catching myself before I got too worked up, I pulled up my phone to scroll through Instagram.

As soon as I did, though, my plan of a distraction was shot to hell.

Justin Hillard made a post of the Arizona trip the boys went on and one of the last slides showcased a sweaty, shirtless Joe.

“Where's Joe when you need him.” - you groaned

—

What felt like hours later, I heard the garage door open signaling Joe was home.

A minute later, his tall frame was striding into the kitchen. I watched him look around for a second before his eyes landed on me.

A grin formed on his lips as he walked up to the couch. Joe dropped to his knees in front of me and leaned in for a kiss.

When I went to pull away, Joe grabbed the back of my neck to keep me in place. After a few minutes of making out, Joe finally pulled away.

“Sorry, I really needed that.” - Joe sheepishly smiled

“It's alright, I did too.” - you smiled

“How was your day? I didn't leave you too bored, right?” - Joe

“My day was good, and no. I spent most of it obsessing over the new pics of you.” - you

“Felt like I never left then, huh?” - Joe

“Dead wrong. Staring at the pictures only made me miss you more.” - you

I watched as Joe teasingly licked his lips, never once breaking eye contact.

“Why's that?” - Joe

“Cut the shit, Joe. You know exactly why.” - you

“Because we didn't have sex this morning? That's why you missed me?” - Joe

“Well, that's not the only reason why. I naturally hate being away from you, but yes sex has something to do with it.” - you

Joe reached out and placed his hand on my inner thigh, nestling his hand against my crotch.

“Wanna go upstairs then?.” - Joe

I nodded, and Joe was quick to stand up and pick me up bridal style.

Giggles flew from both of our lips as Joe hurried up the stairs to our bedroom.

Soon, Joe was laying me on the bed and crawling on top of me.

“I love you.” - you said between kisses

Joe smiled and returned the sentiment, my arms wrapping around his neck as we kissed.

“Listen let's just get straight to it. I've been looking forward to this all day.” - you

“You don't want the tongue & finger combo first?” - Joe

I laughed at his bluntness before nodding my head.

“I need you inside me.” - you

“Fuck, I love hearing you say that.” - Joe

Joe placed his lips back on mine and shifted his weight onto one arm, lifting the other hand to unzip his fly.

I helped him shed his pants off, but Joe took my hand away when I reached for his boxers. He sat back on his knees for a second to pull his shirt over his head, quickly returning to his position above me when he was done.

My arms were around his shoulder as Joe slowly dropped his hips to grind on me. Just seconds later he'd pull away to take my clothes off.

When we were both naked, Joe’s lust-filled eyes scanned over my body before reversing course and locking with mine.

“God, you're beautiful, baby.” - Joe

After Joe lined himself up to my entrance, he slowly pushed inside. Making sure I felt every inch of him.

“You feel so good.” - Joe groaned

“You too…” - you

“So hot and wet for me, baby.” - Joe

Joe didn't move for a minute, just savoring the feeling of my walls wrapped around his hard cock.

“Joey, move, please?” - you

I watched him nod before he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to my cheek. Joe formed a path of kisses from my cheek to my lips.

Once he met my lips, Joe slipped out of me before slamming his cock back inside.

Both of us moaned loudly when his tip hit my cervix, my walls squeezing Joe’s thrusting cock as he set a rough pace.

“You feel insane.” - Joe moaned

“I've been dreaming about this… all day.” - you

A few minutes later, Joe and I were still locked together at mouth and crotch.

“I'm not gonna last much longer.” - Joe moaned

“Me… neither.” - you

Joe’s face contorted as the overwhelming pleasure coursed through his body. His cute nose scrunching as his eyes are clenched shut.

“Oh, fuck!” - Joe grunts

Seconds later, with a shaky hand, Joe reaches down to where we were connected and rubbed my clit with his thumb. His thrusts became uneven but never once unsatisfactory.

“Joey! I'm gonna cum!” - you moaned

It wasn't much longer after that when I fell over the edge, moaning Joe’s name through my climax.

Joe continued his thrusts before rushing to get as deep as he could.

His head fell back, and his mouth fell open. A moan and grunt of my name leaves his pretty pink lips as he cums.

After his orgasm, Joe fell forward and on top of me. Burying his face in my neck as he stayed inside me, fading out the experience.

I reached a hand up and cupped the back of Joe’s head, slowly running my fingers through his unruly curls. The comforting sounds of our mutual heavy breath and the ceiling fan created a soft moment.

“You really liked that apron, huh?” - Joe

“Yeah.” - you giggled

Joe stayed there for a bit, enjoying being cuddled before he eventually pulled out and hopped out of bed.

My eyes lingered on his perfectly plump butt as Joe walked into our bathroom, later returning with a washcloth to clean us both up.

He strode up to me as I stayed lying in the bed. Joe softly caressed my thighs while gently spreading my legs apart.

I hummed in contentment at the feel of the warm washcloth, and Joe only smiled at the sound.

After cleaning himself up too, Joe slipped on a pair of clean boxers.

“Do you want one of my shirts to sleep in? Panties too, maybe?” - Joe

“Just one of your shirts will be fine.” - you smiled

Joe nodded and disappeared into the closet. A few seconds later, he walked back in with one of his pregame shirts that was from a previous season.

“Lean up for me, baby.” - Joe

I did his bidding and Joe slipped the top over my head, making sure my arms went through the sleeves.

“Comfy?” - Joe

He walked around the bed and climbed into his side.

“Very, and it smells like you.” - you grinned

“I hope that's a good thing.” - Joe laughed

“It's a very good thing, you smell delicious.” - you

Joe chuckled as he pulled me into his chest, one of his big hands running over my back as my head was hidden in Joe’s neck.

“I love you.” - you

“I love you more.” - Joe

He lovingly stroked my hair, providing tender words of affirmation and holding me tightly in his arms during their comforting aftercare ritual.

“Oh shit, do you know what I just realized?” - Joe

“What?” - you

“My apron is down in my car. I forgot to show you.” - Joe sighed

“It's okay. You can show me tomorrow.” - you giggled

“Guess what.” - Joe

I narrowed my eyes, trying to see his expression in the dark but failing.

“What?” - you

“I grabbed one for you too.” - Joe smiled

“Oh my god.” - you laughed

“I couldn't help myself!” - Joe

He laughed along with me before we both paused, coincidently yawning in sync, which ended in another laughing fit.

“Goodnight, baby.” - you

“Goodnight, my love.” - Joe

————————————————————————-

Authors note: because Joe was illegally fine that day.

Came from my own head! 💞

[you-call-it-a-dude]

I Love You, It's Ruining My Life

Pairings: Regina George x Female Reader (technically, kinda?), Regina George x Aaron Samuels (for the plot), female reader x random female character (for the plot also)

Summary: You and your wife move into your dream house. Unexpectedly, your new neighbor just happens to be your ex (P.S: your wife doesn't know she's your ex)

Warnings: idk? Aaron Samuels? lol. Pregnancy. tension? Probably things considered infidelity

Author's Note: besties, I'm not quite sure what this one is lol. Was just an idea swirling around my brain that I felt I needed to write. I know everyone wants another Call It What You Want chapter. I am def working on it. I just feel stuck and feel like writing other things will get me back into it. I do not plan to write a part two for this one BUT idk if yall decide you want to cheat on your wife I might consider another chapter lol but if the consensus is to stay faithful imma stick with one lol.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading. Also, happy pride monthhhhh ily

-----

"Hi there, neighbor!"

You look up to see the source of the voice. A man around your age most likely. He was leaning over the fence, his eyes squinting from the sun.

You stood up from where you were planting flowers, pulling off your gardening gloves and tossing them to the ground.

"Hello!" You approached him at your fence, extending your hand out to shake his hand. "I'm Y/F/N Y/L/N. My wife and I moved in a few weeks ago. Someone down the street said you and your wife were taking a vacation. We were wondering when you would turn up." You say with a smile, resting your hand on the fence.

"Aaron Samuels." He smiles. "Yeah, I try to take a few trips throughout the year. Keeps my wife from getting too, well, you know. ." He jokes, but the way he rolled his eyes made the comment seem very...icky.

"Oh, totally. Staying in one place and working all the time is exhausting. I hope you both had a great trip." You say politely.

"Yeah, well..." he looks down and shakes his head. "Planting some flowers for the summer?" He asks, nodding to trays of various flowers lying around the immediate area.

"Trying to." You scratch your head. "It's our first time owning a house and doing this type of thing. We are definitely winging it." You use your head to point in the general direction of your wife. She was watering flowers on the other end of the yard with her back to you and her hand on her hip, her ear buds in her ear.

Alice was short with long blonde hair. She had a round face and a laugh like nothing you've ever heard of and you mean that in the best way possible. She is an extrovert, always knows what to say to who or how to get a conversation going.

Introductions weren't the most important thing right now; letting her enjoy gardening in her first owned home took precedence in your book, so you left her be.

You were certain she would strike up a conversation with him at some point in the near future anyway.

"Well, I've got quite the green thumb." He admits with an awkward laugh and you can tell by his face he regretted his wording. "I enjoy to garden." He says more seriously as if he was correcting his previous statement that you didn't even find embarrassing. Just...silly. In a nice way though.

"Well, if you consider yourself some sort of an expert, I'll take any information you know about growing vegetables." He lights up when you ask him for advice.

"I've got a really great soil that I use. I have so many bags of it. I'll run to my shed and grab them for you. I've already used what I needed and bought way too much." He explains with a small laugh.

"Aaron!"

Before you could respond, a voice from inside called to him, tapping on a window but the sun in your face made you unable to pinpoint where.

"Duty calls." He says unpleasantly and you scrunch your nose up at him when he turns around because you didn't like that response. "Next time I catch you out here, I'm bringing that dirt over!" He turns to point at you while walking backwards.

"Thanks so much! I appreciate it." You awkwardly give him a thumbs up and when he turns around to run inside, you scratch your eyebrow with your thumb. Overall you were just unsure how you felt about that interaction.

You turn around and decide to go bother your wife. She still has her headphones in, obviously still unaware of what happened around her.

You wrap your arms around her waist and she startles, the hose jumping with her and spraying the side of the house. You laugh and pull one of her ear buds out and kiss her ear.

"Hello, my gorgeous wife." You compliment and she leans into you, continuing to water the grass.

"Hi, my gorgeous wife." She repeats back. "How's it going over there?"

"Good. I met our neighbor. Or well the husband. Aaron."

"I met the wife earlier today when I was coming back from Home Depot. She was out running. While pregnant if I may also draw attention to because that's just insane to me. Anyway, I introduced myself. She was really nice." She says with a shrug.

"No name?" You tease, trying to see if you caught wife's social skills lacking.

"Do you even know me?" She looks up at you fake offended, a smile teasing her lips. "Her name is Gina." She says proudly.

"I'm not too sure how I feel about Aaron. He was nice, I guess. I don't know." You say, not really sure how to describe the icky feeling he gave off when he was perfectly pleasant.

"I think we should invite them over. Be nice, friendly neighbors. I want to be friends with our neighbors." She looks up at you with a small pout and you would never dream of doing anything that would make that pout stay.

"Sure, baby. Anything you want." You smile, kissing her cheek. "I'm gonna run inside and get us some water. I'll be back."

---

The following Wednesday, Alice tasked you with going over to your neighbor's house to see if they would come to dinner at your house this weekend.

Although Alice would have loved, and you would have preferred it, to be the one to invite them, she works until 7pm most week days and she was strategic with wanting to give them just enough notice to either accept or decline. So, since you are usually home by 5pm most nights, you walked over there with her little list of questions and a pen in case they said yes.

You hated approaching people like this. You were definitely less social than your wife.

You rang the doorbell and waited patiently for a moment. You shrugged after a long pause and began to turn away, but you heard the door open behind you."

"Can I help you?"

You paused for a moment, your feet scuffing against the cement and the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. You swallowed before turning around.

She was the last person you ever thought you would see again and here she is in front of you.

You hated that the first thought in your head was that she looked beautiful. Your eyes darted to her small pregnant belly and you could feel a pang of jealousy, a knot in your stomach.

She looked just as surprised to see you. Her eyes widened as she took a step back, her hand falling to her stomach, almost as if she was embarrassed you caught her this way.

Regina George. Your toxic relationship/situationship that lasted probably around five years on and off until you couldn't do it anymore. Things officially ended between the two of you about four years ago.

You couldn't take the arguing, the lies, the cheating, the blatant denial of your relationship and her sexuality.

You weren't a priority to her. You were someone she went to after her boyfriends couldn't satisfy her. You were someone she called when she was drunk so she could confess how in love she was with you because she just couldn't bring herself to say it and mean it when she was sober.

The last time you saw her was a big argument between the two of you. She had come over to your place after a date with some guy. She called him a boring loser, said he was nothing compared to you and then pushed you against the wall and kissed you hard.

You had asked her 'if he was nothing compared to me, why am I not good enough then?" You remember the question vividly because you thought about the wording while she kissed you. Her tongue thrusting into your mouth and she pulled away to look at you confused before you asked it because you weren't returning her kiss with the same amount of eagerness she was used to.

Her face softened for the briefest moment before she narrowed her eyes at you, listing off all of the reasons why you weren't good enough. She had a smile on her face afterwards, like she was challenging you to do or say something because you hadn't defended yourself in the past so she certainly wasn't expecting it to happen then either.

When she leaned in to kiss you again you dodged it, telling her to leave and that you were done.

You had never seen her look so...devastated. Her face dropped and she apologized repeatedly. She held your face in her hands while she peppered kisses across your face, but you were done. You felt disgusted with yourself, disgusted with her.

The both of you cried and argued for another two hours before she finally relented and left.

Twenty minutes after she was gone, your doubts crept in and you went to call her. To tell her to come back. That you were willing to degrade yourself to the point where you would be her secret side piece if it meant you had anything with her.

Except by the time you went to call her, she had already blocked your number. Blocked you on everything, actually.

And now you were standing at her doorstep, both of you looking like you've seen a fucking ghost.

"Hi." You finally speak after a few seconds, clearing your throat. Your eyes dart to Aaron sitting in the dining room behind her. "My wife wanted to know if you and Aaron would be available this Saturday for dinner at our house." You look anywhere but her, keeping the conversation strictly neighborly.

"I, we-" she starts, but Aaron realized you were here and stood up from where he was posted up.

"Is that our neighbor?!" He says in a tone of voice that just screams 'white dad'. "What brings you by?" He reaches out to shake your hand again and Regina just rolls her eyes.

"My wife wanted me to invite you two for dinner. This Saturday if you're available." You say, yours eyes squinting slightly from the sun setting behind their house.

"Yeah! We will definitely be free for that." Aaron agrees and Regina just nods.

"Great! I have a list of questions I was instructed to ask now." You chuckle lightly and pull the list and pen from your pocket. You look up and see Regina crack a small smile and it makes you fumble the pen when you try to take the cap off. "Okay, any allergies?"

"No allergies." Regina says and hearing her voice again makes your heart race.

"Is chicken fine?" You read the next question off the list, squinting at the little note Alice left. "She is hesitant to do steak because she doesn't want to have to serve-" you pause briefly. "to serve Gina a well done steak."

Calling her Gina felt weird. So fucking weird. She used to tell you she hated it when people called her that.

"Chicken is good." She says, but Aaron sucks his teeth in a silent annoyance. "Or not."

"No we can do chicken." He says, his tone of voice very different than before and you almost feel like you're intruding.

"I'm sure Alice will be happy to make you a steak, Aaron." You smile, trying to diffuse this added layer of awkwardness to an already awkward situation.

But he was also kind of pissing you off, too.

"I don't know why you have to make things so fucking complicated." Regina starts.

"It's okay, really." You look at her and say calmly, swallowing the urge to reach out and touch her. She stares at you for a moment and nods. You look down to your question sheet quickly, not wanting to stare at her too long. "What do you like to drink? We will get whatever you want. Juice, beer, sparkling water. Literally anything."

"Oooh," Aaron rubs his hands together "can I have Bud Light?"

"Mhmm!" You nod. "And you, R-Gina." You correct yourself quickly, shaking your head.

"I'm okay with water, thank you though. Can we bring anything? A side? Dessert? I don't want to show up empty handed."

"I will have to run that one by Alice." You smile politely, knowing damn well the little paper she handed you explicitly says not to let them bring anything.

"I can just ask her myself." Regina says confidently, taking the sheet of paper and pen from your hand. Your hands touched when she snatched the pen from you and you can feel yourself holding your breath. She flips the paper over and writes her number on the back before handing it back to you. "Just have her call me tonight or tomorrow whenever she gets a chance." She gives you a small smile.

You take the paper and nod, looking down to see her number hasn't changed. You folded the paper and shoved it into your pocket, repeating her phone number in her head just to prove to yourself that you still could.

"Cool, I will have her do that." You say awkwardly, feeling stupid for even going over there because Alice is still gonna end up being the one to coordinate things with Regina, sorry Gina, anyway. "Have a goodnight."

You give them an awkward wave and when you turn around to walk through the path in their front yard, you can hear them begin to bicker behind you.

Alice gets home around 7:30pm that night. She wraps her arms around you while you plate the dinner you made. She smelled like a dental office and she gave you a sticker from your favorite Pixar movie, most likely having pulled it from the bin of stickers they have for their pediatric clients.

She went to change her clothes and freshen up, coming down about ten minutes later to dinner being plated and ready to eat.

She sat down next to you and the two of you talked about your days briefly before she finally asked you if you completed the objective you were tasked with.

"Well, partially." You say, taking a sip of your water. "I went over there and was going through my little list, but Regina said she wanted to bring something and I wasn't going to tell a pregnant lady no. So I got her number and you can call her." Alice laughs and throws her head back, clapping her hand once.

"You're such a chicken. Also, Gina, babe. Not Regina." She laughs again. "Better get that down before we see them again so you're not calling her by the wrong name." She teases you.

You smack your palm to your forehead and chuckle awkwardly, your heart racing over your slip up.

"Gina, right!" You correct yourself. "Here is her number though." You pull the piece of paper from your pocket and slide it over. "Aaron was being a little bitch about having chicken."

"I'll just make him a steak then." She says casually, looking over the piece of paper with her eyebrows furrowed. "It's no big deal."

"That's what told them also." You nod and take a bite of your food.

Alice looks up, squinting to try to see the time on the microwave.

"I'm gonna give her a call now before it gets too late." She says, picking her phone up from the table and dialing the number. She held the phone to her ear, looking like she was ready to give up after a few rings. "Hi, Gina? Hey! It's Alice. How are you doing?"

You looked down at your plate, moving your food around while you tried to listen to the conversation. You could faintly hear her voice. Hear her talking about how you stopped by.

You tried to not make it so obvious that you were listening.

You also tried not to make it so obvious that you were disappointed when Alice grabbed her little notepad and walked out of the room to finish the call.

---

You've been out in the yard since like ten this morning cleaning the grill, setting up coolers, and doing everything around the house that Alice asked of you while she prepped everything for when 'Gina' and Aaron came over.

You've ran to the grocery store you don't even know how many times now to fetch any last minute ingredients or items that Alice forgot. All the back and forth setting you behind on your own tasks you needed to do.

Around 3pm Alice brought out multiple trays of various items for you to grill. Chicken, Aaron's steak, potatoes wrapped in foil, asparagus, bacon wrapped and cheese stuffed peppers. Like she went all out.

You were placing the second round of chicken on the grill when Alice disappeared and reappeared a few minutes later with Regina and Aaron behind her.

Everyone greeted you excitedly and you did the same, smile and waving at them both with the tongs in your hand. Alice got them each a drink and her and Aaron got to talking about the garden.

She led him over to your guys' tragic attempt of a garden and the two of them talked each other's ears off about.

Regina only stayed in that conversation for a few minutes. From the corner of your vision you can see her making her way to you, stopping to set her drink on the table.

You looked forward, anxiety rising in your chest each step she took until she was standing right next to you, your elbow brushing the material of her dress.

"Hi neighbor." She says in a tone that feels borderline mocking.

"Hi, Gina." You say, returning that same mocking tone and refusing to look at her.

She turns her head to look back at both of your spouses before looking to you again, her fingertips grazing your arm to get your attention.

"I wanna talk to you later, when you have a moment."

"There's nothing to talk about." You say firmly. "How does Aaron like his steak?"

"I don't fucking care how he likes his stupid fucking steak." She says annoyed, her fingertips still against your arm. Her other hand coming up to press her palm against her forehead and sigh, fanning herself off.

You can't bring yourself to move away from her touch.

"It's too hot for you over here." You say, finally turning to look at her. "Go sit down. The food will be done soon."

"I don't want to fucking sit down." She says through gritted teeth. "I'm tired of being treated like I'm delicate or breakable. I'm fucking fine."

"Fine, you're fucking fine." You say, turning back to continue grilling. Regina goes from grazing your arm lightly to gripping it tightly, her nails digging into your arm now. You flip the meat and the veggies, closing the grill. "Let's go. You obviously don't feel good." You to turn her and grab her arm carefully.

"I never feel good anymore. I fucking hate it." She said, her voice cracking the tiniest bit as she let you lead her over to the table.

You pull out a chair for her and when you notice that Aaron and Alice are too engrossed in their conversation to pay attention to Regina right now, you sigh and pull out the chair next to her for yourself.

"Do you need anything? Here, eat something." You grab the bowl of chips and place them in front of her, along with the various dips Alice made. She thanks you and nods, taking a chip and dipping it in the spinach and artichoke dip.

"So, how long have you and Alice been together." She asks before popping a second chip in her mouth and humming at the taste.

"Don't start." You ask, shaking your head.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She says innocently. "I'm just being neighborly." She scrunches her nose at you.

"No, you're being nosy." You scrunch your nose back at her and stand up. "I'll be back."

You make your way back to the grill. Things are just about finished up and you begin to try to pull apart those little tin containers from the dollar store to put everything in, muttering and swearing under your breath when you couldn't get them pried apart.

You look up to ask Alice for help but she disappeared with Aaron. You look around the yard confused, still trying to pry the fucking trays apart.

"They went to go look at the front yard." Regina says, coming up behind you and taking the trays from you. She digs one of her long nails between them and pulls them apart easily. She sets one down on the platform of the grill and holds the other ones for you.

"You know, she organized this fucking thing and then ditched me." You say annoyed, putting the meat into the pan first and covering it with foil. You turn the pan to the side to make room for Regina to set down one of the smaller pans, which she does.

You take out the potatoes from the grill next. Swearing every time one slips between the tongs, which was frequently.

"Babe, why didn't you tell me you were done?" Alice says, coming through side gate and setting her beer on a small table in the yard. She rushes over to you both, nodding her head at Regina to thank her while she takes the empty pan from her hand and does some maneuvering.

Regina steps aside and you're disappointed by the loss of her presence.

"What was I supposed to do? Shout from over here?" You respond with a slight attitude, one of your eyes shut because of the smoke from the grill.

"Let's not do this right now, yeah?" She says calmly, taking the pan with the meat over to the table.

"Can I help with anything?" Regina asks from where she's standing and Alice asks if she can help her get everything set up on the table and she agrees.

You close the lid of the grill once everything is out and you wipe the sweat from your head. You stare and the two small tray of veggie sides in front of you, trying to figure out how you're going to bring them both over to the table. You looked behind you to see if anyone was free to help. Regina and Alice looked busy and Aaron was glued to his phone, titling it up toward his chest any time Regina was close.

You watched Alice and Regina get the table set up. Lay out the plates and silverware, bring out the cold sides.

You had to turn around when you realized you were paying more attention to Regina than to Alice.

You covered both of the small trays in foil and stacked them one on top of the other, carefully making your way over to set them on the table. Regina took the trays from you, her fingertips brushing against your sticky, sweaty, skin for probably the tenth time today.

"I'll be back." You say abruptly, turning around to dart inside.

Your eyes were burning, were hot from the grill, and probably feeling added heat from Regina as well. You just needed a second.

You go into the kitchen, grabbing yourself a glass of ice water and chugging about half of it, breathing heavily afterward like a fucking toddler. You turned to the sink, wetting a paper towel and wiping off your eyes then your face.

You could hear footsteps, but your face was too buried in that cool towel to care right now.

"Where do you keep your big spoons?" Regina asks.

You feel around your kitchen blindly, running your hands over the counter until you found the drawer on the left where you kept your serving spoons.

"In here." You tap the drawer and step aside, pulling the towel from your face.

"You okay?" She asks, making her way to the drawer and looking over at you.

"My eyes just burn." You blink hard a couple of times and wipe them again. She leans in closer and you hold your breath when her thumb lands on your cheek bone and tugs down slightly.

"They look really red." She says softly, her gaze visibly bouncing between your eyes and your lips.

"The smoke." Was all you managed to get out before clearing your throat and forcing yourself to step away. "So how far along are you?" You ask to change the subject and it seems to work. She snaps out of her little daze and turns to get the spoons from the drawer.

"20 weeks this past Tuesday." She says, pulling out the spoons.

"Just about halfway then." You lean against the counter of the sink. "Do you know what you're having?"

"A girl." She has her back to you, but you can hear that she's smiling and it makes you smile in return.

"That's really exciting."

"Aaron doesn't think so." She turns around with a small frown and a few big spoons in her hand. "He wanted a boy."

"Who fucking cares what he wanted." You roll your eyes, finding it ridiculous that someone could be unhappy about having a daughter.

"She moves around a lot. Do you want to feel?" She asks excitedly and you don't want to tell her no, but you should.

"Regina I-" She doesn't really give you an option because she grabs your wrist a tugs you forward, placing your hand on her belly. "I don't feel any- oh wait!" You say excitedly when you feel something push against your hand. "That's crazy." You say to yourself quietly.

You stay this way for a few moments. Your thumb moving back and forth over her belly, her hand resting over yours. Neither of you wanting to be the one to acknowledge that she isn't kicking anymore because neither of you wanted to move.

"I think you put her to sleep." Regina whispered and when you looked at her you knew you needed to step back. You knew you needed to pull away because she was looking at you like she wanted to kiss you and your wife was just outside.

You could hear her laughing at whatever stupid shit Aaron said.

"We should probably get back outside." You whisper, your thumb still rubbing over her bump. She squeezed your wrist, almost like she didn't want you to let go.

"Okay." She says calmly, but neither of you move.

Not until the back door slams and you hear Alice laughing and talking loudly, wondering where the two of you went.

You quickly placed the towel back over your eye and Regina quickly opened and closed the drawer as if she just got done looking through it, the two of you well versed in the art of recovering before you got caught.

"Everything okay in here? Baby, what happened?" She rushes over to you, pulling the almost dry towel from your face.

"My eye just wouldn't stop watering and burning." You say, wiping them off once more and tossing the towel in the trash. "I couldn't see so I couldn't even help Gina find the spoons. I kept leading her astray." You chuckle at your own lie.

"It was a mess, but we managed somehow." She lets out a fake laugh and holds up the spoons. "I'm sorry for taking so long."

"Oh gosh, you're too sweet. Don't apologize." She puts her hand on Regina's shoulder and starts to usher her outside, you following behind them.

Dinner was nice. You learned a lot about Regina and Aaron as a couple and they learned about the two of you in return.

You were surprised to find out that Aaron was the loser Regina had gone on a date with the night the two of you ended things.

Though that was an observation you had to keep to yourself, you could see Regina shift uncomfortably in her seat when she realized you put two and two together.

You learned that they only moved into this house about a year ago and have been married for almost three years now as opposed to you and Alice who have only been married a year and a half.

They talked a little bit about the baby, how they were preparing for her, that they are trying to go on trips and such before she gets here. You could practically feel the disappointment radiating off of Aaron.

The way Alice nudged your foot under the table made you think she felt it to and you knew you would definitely be discussing it later.

Alice told them both just about everything about the two of you. Where you met and how, how long you dated before getting married. All the details you tried to avoid giving Regina earlier Alice spewed out like it was nothing.

Regina's face hardened slightly when she realized that you met Alice at the tail end of your relationship with her. Clearly choosing to ignore the part that you two didn't actually start talking seriously until almost a year after the break up.

Clearly, Regina choosing to harp on irrelevant bits and pieces of a story is still something that hasn't changed.

You also found it interesting that although she consistently dated and slept with men during your time together that she would get upset that you merely met someone, exchanged information, then didn't speak again for almost a year and a half.

You excused yourself from the conversation and Regina's dirty looks to bring out dessert.

You opened the fridge to see a coconut cake that you know Alice didn't make. You raised your eyebrows in a silent excitement because you knew that meant Regina brought it and you wonder if she brought it purposely because she knew it was your absolute favorite whenever she or her mom would make it.

You pull it from the fridge and grab the cake knife from the drawer, carefully walking out of the house with the cake.

"I really hope coconut cake is fine, Alice. You said you weren't picky on the phone and this cake is like a staple in my family." Regina says, her eyes finding yours immediately as you set the cake down.

"We love coconut in this house. The cake looks great and will be very much enjoyed, I assure you of that." Alice says with a slight laugh, taking the cake knife from your hand and going to work on handing out the slices.

She asked how big of a piece everyone wanted, you tried to wiggle your hand inconspicuously to let her know you wanted a bigger piece, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment when Alice called you out on it, saying she 'didn't know you enjoyed coconut THAT much' while also being accommodating and giving you a larger piece.

You grumbled when you took the piece from her, looking up to Regina who was biting back a smile, or maybe a smirk.

You took a bite of the cake, humming at the taste. Somehow it tasted even better. You weren't sure if Regina just perfected the recipe or it had just been so long since you had it. Maybe a combination of both.

When Alice asked about the recipe and where it came from, Regina started talking about her mom and where she got it from. You could hear the two of them talk, but you weren't listening anymore.

You were looking down at your cake, pushing it around your plate now. It tasted great, better than you remember even.

But that's the issue. You weren't tasting this cake for the first time. You were tasting this cake for the first time in years and every little scenario that could be associated with this cake was popping into your brain. Like every single bite was just something new to think of.

When you tried it for the first time when meeting Regina's family. When introduced you as her friend and you all played card games with her family until 1am. Regina had told you she didn't think she could ever have that much fun with her family.

The first time Regina tried to make the cake herself because she knew you liked it and she burned it so bad, but you still ate it because she was crying about having messed it up.

When she made it as your birthday cake one year and it came out absolutely perfect, but then the two of you got into an argument because she was going to go on a date instead of coming out with you and your friends. You had only one piece of it before she grabbed the cake with her bare hands and threw it to the floor of your apartment. When you burst into tears over your ruined cake, and other things, she kneeled on the floor and cried while she cleaned it up. Telling you in between sobs that she was sorry and she'd make you a new one.

You set your fork down and pushed the rest of your cake away. Everyone was in the middle of a conversation, so you really didn't think anyone would notice.

Except Regina fumbled over her words mid conversation as soon as you did it and when you looked up, you saw her eyes darting between you and Alice. She shook her head slightly and pushed her hair behind her ear, recovering her fumble smoothly.

You felt bad. You pulled the cake back toward you again and continued to eat it. Quickly realizing that although it tastes just as good as it used to, it would never taste the same.

---

Regina and Aaron left around 7pm. Regina helped Alice tidy up while you made them both plates of leftovers to bring home with them. Aaron sat on the couch and turned your tv on. Alice said he could, but you just didn't like that he actually did it.

You and Alice settled into bed early, both of you exhausted from all the things you had to do today. Though Alice finds that kind of stuff way more rewarding than you do.

Alice was already tucked into bed, her back toward you while she talked about how much fun she had today, how great Gina seemed, how useful it could be to have Aaron around, that she would love to hang out with them more.

Your responses were automatic. You were hearing her, but not really listening. All you could offer right now were some 'yeah', 'I agree', 'I'm glad, babe'. It's all you had in your right now.

You put on your pajamas and stood at your nightstand, taking off all the jewelry you had on today.

A sliver of light through the window caught your attention, both of you forgetting to close the shade before getting dressed. You made your way to the window, going in between the curtains to look for the little rope to close the shade.

You caught glimpse of Aaron walking around in his underwear and went to hurry to lower to shade, seeing way more of him than you ever would've care to.

But you paused when Regina walked into the room, both of them having some sort of heated discussion before Aaron waved her off and walked out of the room.

You knew you needed to close your blinds now. To give Regina privacy to change her clothes. Except you watched her move around her room instead. You watched her pick out her pajamas, pull her sheets back.

When she turned around and made eye contact with you through her own window, you felt like you had been caught. You looked away quickly, pretending the shade was stuck.

When you finished your fake fiddling with the shade, Regina was still staring at you. When she saw she had your attention again, she wasted no time pulling her shirt above her head.

She was naked from the waist up, giving you a view of her small pregnant belly and her breasts. You breath hitched in your throat and you gripped the string on the shade tightly, mentally scolding yourself because you know you needed to look away.

Instead you continued to watch her as she snuck her thumbs under the waistband of her shorts, ever so slightly beginning to pull them down.

"You coming, baby?" Alice says from the bed behind you.

You turn around quickly, yanking the string and shoving your way out of the thick curtains.

"Yes, I'm coming, babe!" You say, your heart racing for many reasons now. "I was just being nosy. There was a cop parked across the street. They just left." You lie, turning around to peak behind the now closed blinds again. Regina had closed her shades in your absence and you sighed in relief through your nose.

You rubbed your forehead with your fingertips and climbed into bed with your way, turning off the lights before you settled.

You laid on your back, Alice's feet tangled with yours. She fell asleep quickly. A trait you wish you possessed. Instead you lie awake, thinking about the whole incident at the window. About how you almost wish Alice didn't call for you. That her shade was still open and she was there waiting for you when you returned.

Alice snuggled closer to you, throwing an arm over your stomach and smushing her face into your shoulder. You rubbed her arm softly, your thoughts still plagued by Regina.

Is it too soon to be thinking about selling this house?

[woman-respecter]

okay one last rant about chappell cuz i'm sure you're sick of herr (same):

i'm soooo tired of white people. i hate how chappell acts about palestine because it's SO "i learned activism from the internet and i have insane white guilt and i feel guilt for being a privileged white american" and that helps no one. bonus: she has republican parents so she has to force the activism even harder to compensate for her shitty family. i hate both sides as well but i'm not a stupid ass white person who won't be affected as much by not voting and not backing kamala.

chappell is so embarrassing like even taylor swift said i support kamala. her internet activism means that she would rather say guyssss both sides bad :/ than actually do anything of any value (it feels like she wants to be leftist so baddd that she ends up a fool... "all presidents bad i can't support any" girl you're high up in the evil capitalist music inudstry i wouldn't judge too hard if i were u..) but that's current activism for you doe. why make any change when you can just complain and do nothing? besides, leftists rn would tear any change apart to shreds cuz they expect everything to be fixed immediately. i've seen so many leftists get upset seeing progress of anything rn because because g-g-genocide!

leftists: you evil white gays celebrate improved gay rights in a red state ur so evil ugh a genocide is happening and ur happy? you need to blow yourself up to prove your loyalty to palestine and to understand what they're going through!

lastly everything chappell and ethel cain does for palestine is so forced and fake lol. it's all to make them feel better about being white and privileged. ethel cain makes jokes about killing the president girl! 🤔 youre enjoying your nice white life in a comfortable position in the music industry...you'd never give that up and stand on business cause ur all words no action..

ethel made a song for palestine and it was good but since she graduated with honors from the school of internet activism i cannot take it seriously. everything she does screams "sorry for being white :("

and then hunter from euphoria got praised for getting arrested at a JVP PROTEST (LMAO). like that rich white girl getting arrested and then nothing happened to her is not revolutionary it's actually giving kendall pepsi ad ! i will say it's more than ethel and chappell put together but still pathetically whitee.

lastly hayley from paramore ethel hunter chappell none of them actually support palestine. they try so hard to be leftist and activists which is ironic because they are capitalizing on palestine to look good, to overcompensate for their whiteness and privilege and because of guilt. their "support for palestine" are just large pr stunts that bring them more fans and more money. look at ethel. she LOVES florence (i believe they are good friends) and florence is besties with taylor swift and endorsed kamala. all bark no bitee :)

i HATE all of the performative leftist celebs you mentioned (except hayley from paramore) so fucking much. it’s obvious that their priorities are getting rid of their white guilt, being edgy, and winning clout points with the online left. they do not give an actual shit about palestine. the funny thing is that if taylor’s endorsement really does help keep trump out of the white house she will have done more for palestine than all those losers combined. sorry!

and yeah its funny that ethel, and almost every pop girlie, is at most like 2 or 3 degrees away from someone who is friends with taylor or idolizes taylor. sorry haters it really is that way. she’s your favorite artist’s ACTUAL favorite artist

[animehideout]

Can u write oneshot satoXshort f!reader? And both entp!( I mean he ofc is but like u get it)

I don't k if i can or the requests r open but I hoppee!!

GOJO SATORU X ENTP SHORT F!READER

A/n : Hii bestie @nana-saturo , sorry for this late update. I really hope you like it tho 😭✨ sending you big huggies ʕ⁠っ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠っ

Both ENTPs? Teasing and sarcasm are the backbone of your relationship, your number one love language and both of you agree on that.  You have a unique kind of romance, filled with banter, competition, roasting each other and a lot of skinship. You just love touching each other at any given chance and under any circumstances. You’d be hanging out alone or with your group of friends, randomly and unexpectedly, you decide to shower each other in affection. You’re a dynamic and chaotic couple, literally annoying each other and everyone else in the room. May or may not use insults as nicknames.

ENTPs get bored easily and want to be entertained 24/7 or you might lose interest. Lucky for you, you found each other, both you and Gojo have a blast together in your own  unique way. You may team up to prank people just because why not? Joking around a lot, people may not take you seriously, but in reality you’re smart and high intellectuals. You’re just unique in everything, to the point that only you can get each other.

Gojo likes to annoy you, using your height to tease you. Always making playful remarks. He finds amusement in resting his arm on top of your head, playfully putting all of his weight just to see you struggle.

“you know babe, you’re the perfect height for a napkin holder!” .

“They say good things come in small packages, but I guess great things come in tiny ones…just like you hehe”.

Would you get offended? Absolutely not! You always come up with the best comebacks. And once you start teasing each other, the cycle never ends.

“Oh yeah? You think I’m too short? Well I guess you’re just too tall! I’m pretty sure you were a giraffe in your past life, you even got the long neck to match!”

“you’re like a human ladder, I won’t find a difficulty changing my lamps”.

This kind of jokesstrengthens your relationship, Gojo loves loves it when you don’t hold back and just make fun of him,  when you match his energy and vibe. Even during arguments, you never stop being playful, he mischievously places your belongings on higher shelves so he’d watch you struggle to reach them or so you can ask him from help. But of course as an ENTP you’re independent and kind of self-centered so it would be an insult to you if you ask for help. So he always ends up laughing while watching you tiptoeing or  getting on the counter to get to that shelf.  

“Really? Tiptoeing? You wouldn’t even reach my knees” .

He’d willingly get you what you want even though you defiantly told him that you can handle it yourself. Your bickering sets everyone off the edge, except for you. People around you might think  you hate each other since you’re getting to each other’s throat but in reality it’s just a simple small argument, ENTPs just love the drama.

Beyond the mean jokes and the heart crushing teasing, you truly appreciate each other’s heights. He finds you extremely cute, he loves the height gap and given Gojo’s personality it makes him feel very protective over you.

“Your height only adds to your charm and uniqueness..making you even more captivating and attractive in my eyes.” .

In return, of course you love his height too. Whenever you burry your head in his chest, you can actually listen to his heartbeat, and you find it really soothing, his huge form makes you feel safe and warm, he’s like a human teddy bear. His embrace is your favorite hideout and his big arms are your shields.

“I feel so secure when I’m with you. Your height makes me feel safe…. It adds to your charisma” .

ENTPs feed on compliments; it boosts your self-confidence to the top. After making fun of each other, you always make sure to reassure each other and show your love and admiration. You actually find joy in each other’s  size difference, both of you are like the same person but in different shapes, what’s more fun than that?!

"I love how perfectly we fit together, like two puzzle pieces destined to complement each other."