#if you squint it also includes my favorite ship

[genericpuff]

You mentioned multiple times that Persephone is a self insert of Rachel, how is that so?

Also, I love Lore Rekindled

So obviously it's not like Rachel herself has outright stated that Persephone is a self-insert, but there's a lot of narrative and visual evidence that points to this being so.

Disclaimer before I continue: a lot of this is speculation, take it with grains of salt, but understand that all of the following evidence is why so many people subscribe to the idea that Rachel is using Persephone as a self-insert power fantasy, myself included. This is going to be a long post.

First, the most obvious - Rachel and Persephone look virtually identical, especially when Persephone's hair is short. In a way that's not even reaching at this point, like there are times when Persephone literally looks like she was traced directly off Rachel's face. It's panels like these where you don't even have to squint or fill in the blanks with your own interpretations, Persephone literally looks like Rachel.

There was also that time she dyed her hair pink and her own audience called out how she looked like Persephone (unironically for the most part, which goes to show how much the implications of Persephone being a self-insert of Rachel has gone over their heads, sigh)

She's also made absurd claims in interviews that Persephone and Hades were her "muses" since all the way back in middle school.

I say these claims are 'absurd' because frankly I just don't think that's true, there's nothing from her early-mid 2000's online presence (which is still accessible via the Wayback Machine) that suggests she was into Greek myth content, most of her stuff from back then was medical fetish and lolita art and not a single piece of Greek work is mentioned on any of her profile bios, favorite book lists, or interests, not even once you get to the 2010's when she started shifting away from blatant medical fetish art and more towards marketable storybook-style art.

(she definitely mentions Lolita though 😒)

I firmly believe she's just making up that whole "Persephone and Hades were my muses" thing the same way she's made up her 'folklorist' label to hide the fact that she has no connection to Greek myth whatsoever and was just creating LO on a whim during the era of Hades x Persephone shipping prompts that were popular on Tumblr at the time. It just so happened to become massively popular so she stuck with it and tried to pretend like she always loved Greek myth as a way to justify her success when really it was just luck and circumstance.

But we can go further back than that.

You see, Rachel also really... really likes Mads Mikkelson. Like, beyond just enjoying his work and entering teenage girl obsessive cringe territory. I wouldn't be calling it out if she was a teenage girl or even a young adult, but she isn't - she's thirty seven years old.

Mads Mikkelson is, of course, her dream cast for Hades, and when you see how she views Mads Mikkelson, the rest practically writes itself.

But we can go even further back than that.

Because, you see, Rachel has old art accounts from long before Lore Olympus. Normally I try to avoid posting a lot of this stuff because it's very much old skeletons that we usually understand to leave buried, but this particular piece is very relevant to this discussion.

'Madame issue' was the screenname of her account where this drawing comes from. You may also notice this is very likely where the name 'used bandaid' came from. This character is meant to be Rachel. It was very common for her to draw herself with short pink hair back then and it seems that's barely changed now.

Just wanna also throw it out there real quick that Rachel's birthday is March 21st. Guess what date Rachel chose to make Persephone's birthday? Oh yeah, the first day of Spring, literally March 20th. Which shouldn't even exist yet as Lore Olympus is based on The Hymn to Demeter which outlines the creation of the season. But I digress.

Now, this may be a little irrelevant and nitpicky, but to circle back around to the point I made earlier about her not having any genuine connection to Greek myth, Rachel seems to have always behaved like this, in a way that tries to 'hide' the fact that she's not 'legit'. There are old FAQ's from her art pages that answer questions she's asking herself in a very arrogant "how dare you ask me this" kind of way. Like, she claims to have imposter syndrome, which I'm not saying is a lie, but if she does, she definitely uses blind arrogance as a way to cover up for it. It reeks of early 2000's 'mean because it's cool to be mean' energy and that seems to be an attitude that she hasn't left behind in the early 2000's where it belongs - she's just channeled it into 'girl boss' Persephone instead.

It's become abundantly clear after going through old LO asks/livejournal/flickr/etc. posts that Rachel herself 1.) romanticizes purity culture (again, like the Greek myth 'self-proclaimed folklorist' thing, she's trying to claim she's 'deconstructing' purity culture when her actual beliefs are the exact opposite), 2.) values naivety and youthfulness vs. experience and wisdom, especially with how she talks about Persephone and 3.) constantly tries to act like a 'boss babe' similarly to Persephone.

There's also the fact that the time skip perfectly aligned Persephone's age to be in the same range as Rachel - she's now 30 to Rachel's 37. The time skip didn't have to be exactly ten years, if it was purely to retcon the age gap problems then she could have made it far longer, but she made it specifically 10 years and I feel like it can't be a coincidence when we consider how close in age Persephone and Rachel now are. Recalling that earlier point that Rachel seems to be obsessed with naivety and youthfulness, she probably didn't like the idea of making Persephone 40 because that would be too "old".

That's not even getting into the actual way that Persephone is written. This is the part where I say there's nothing inherently wrong with writing self-inserts, even famous authors do it, but the issue lies in authors writing them as power fantasies and not actual fleshed out characters. Persephone is not a fleshed out character. She does not have flaws - at least none that are recognized as flaws - and she never loses. She does whatever Rachel wants her to do on a whim even if it contradicts previous actions or information we've been shown. Sometimes she's an inexperienced "uwu" teenage girl, other times she's attempting to be a 'boss babe' (but really it just comes across as her acting like a Karen.)

All that said, it's not uncommon for poorly written self-inserts to lack consistent characterization because the author is too hopped up on writing them to fulfill their fantasies, even if those fantasies don't align with pre-existing information. There's also the fact that Persephone herself never suffers any consequences for her actions, even when she's in the wrong, and terrible things that happen to her are more for the sympathy of the audience and less for actual character development, depth, or underlying meaning. The comic's universe and the characters that reside within it bend around Persephone and her wants and needs, and this is something that happens with poorly-written self-inserts a lot especially when they're being written purely as power fantasies and not actual character studies or reflections. Nothing bad will ever happen to Persephone, she'll never suffer real consequences for her actions, and she'll never make any real sacrifices, because Persephone is Rachel and Rachel can't write Persephone separate from herself.

This kind of goes hand in hand with the whole "she didn't make Persephone 40+ because then she'd be too old" thing, but I'd also like to mention real quick that Rachel has never written a female character who isn't like this. All of her main characters from all of her works are women, which is perfectly fine in isolation, but they're all written as the exact same woman, sharing traits of naivety, inexperience, youthfulness and innocence. None of her female characters are over the age of 21. Making Persephone a "doesn't know she's sexy" 19 year old who's often drawn very childlike was very intentional as it's the exact same kind of character she's been drawing for years now, and the fact that she's 30 now is simply Rachel trying to retcon the problematic age gap that she got called out on; with the added bonus that it makes Persephone even more like Rachel.

No, Rachel has never directly confessed to Persephone being a self-insert, but I don't think someone like Rachel - who already speaks with a veil of disingenuous arrogance - would admit to it anyways. The writing is on the wall: how she's written Persephone and every female protagonist who has preceded her is a deliberate choice based around Rachel's own beliefs and values - that women are only desirable when they're young and thin, that the "ideal man" is someone who's above everyone else in power, wealth, and status and will and should use that power, wealth, and status to get what they want, and that women should be as cute and innocent as they can be until any degree of opposition or questioning comes their way, in which they are justified in exercising outright cruelty and abuse towards those in their way, with no in-between.

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

[wawamouse]

20 questions for fic writers :)

Not tagged specifically but it came across my dash with a 'tagging everyone' and that includes meeee! (I think I've actually done this meme before but I don't remember it exactly. And I love filling out questionnaires, so whatever lmao)

Tagging: Everyone! Everyone who see this :P

1. How many works on AO3?

165 on main… and 9 on my RPF account from high school LOL

2. Total word count on AO3?

1,254,112 wowza! Most of that word count is from 2020 onward lol.

3. Top five fics by kudos?

We Who Have The Souls - HxH - 773 kudos

The Horror Not To be Surveyed - HxH - 717

Amethyst Remembrance - HxH - 552

Suppositions - The Walking Dead - 514

Ash is Purest White - TSOMD -191

4. What fandoms do you primarily write for?

Currently: Oz

In the past: The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, X-Men (comics), Hunter x Hunter

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to now. In the past, because I used to write without really being  "in" fandom or knowing anyone, I didn't realise people expected you to lol. I thought as a writer, you did your thing, someone commented if they thought it was at all worth saying anything about, and then you just went on your way like two ships passing in the night.

6. Angstiest ending?

Probably When Tomorrow Comes because the POV is tortured and beaten and dead by the end :)c I actually cried IRL when I wrote this one. Ahh, good memories! Out of my Oz fics… (squints) Dead Man Walking, maybe? Although I think it's open-ended, too, so maybe it's not that angsty. Maybe Terror Makes a Sour Meal, idk. OH. The Death of Jaime Velez. Doi.

7. Fic with the happiest ending?

You know, I write a lot of angst but there's also a ton of happy endings. I guess the happiest is probably the sweeter the sun (wedding fic) or for Oz?? It'll probably be Silver Moon's Sparkling, just because in my mind, it's basically a romcom.

8. Do you get hate?

Not on my fics (not enough readership + I am a perfect human being) but I've seen people vagueing me in fandom tags before for, idk, hyping up rarepairs and side characters too much (skill issue on their part frankly).

9. Do you write smut?

Yes :) I published my first attempt at smut (very vague frottage I think—idk, I refuse to reread it) June 2020, and have been incorrigible ever since.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not currently, but I've played around with them in the past! My first two fanfics ever were crossovers 💀Harry Potter x Twilight, I'm sad to say.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not technically, no, but I had some fics translated and posted to another site with no link back to AO3, which is not what I thought the person was going to do when they asked me. But… Oh well…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple! 6—that I know of—to Russian (TSOMD fics) and then one to Chinese (an HXH fic :))

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes… But I took myself off as an author so now it's just on their account 😂 It was from middle school and also a 4 fandom crossover event including Superwholock, soooooo…

14. All time favorite ship?

Whatever is my main hyperfixation tbh, so I'm going to say Miguel/Chico! I don't really have ults of anything in life (colors, movies, books), and that includes ships.

15. WiPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Nineteenth Year of Chenghua, my zombie apocalypse fic based on the finale cliffhanger (why did they go so hard with it, knowing there'd be no s2???) 😔

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue? I feel like I do a decent job/have been told I write banter and other verbal exchanges pretty well. Plot, I hope, is also becoming more of a strength, where before it was a weakness.

17. Writing weaknesses?

Description is something I'm always trying to improve—and using more *descriptive* words as well. I think I get stuck in using the same vocab over and over. Reading other works helps shake me out of that pattern a bit, but I haven't been much of a fic reader in past years (I keep stepping into small fandoms lol), and poetry can only take a guy so far… This year, I've been trying to get into audiobooks to help me listen to more sentences and learn from a wider range of examples 😂

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

My takes on this are kind of changing, but for the most part, if the characters are bilingual with part of it in English, I like making the effort of researching the non-English language and placing it in, with translations through hover text. For my TSOMD fics where the language is Chinese but my story is English, I write titles and words with no English equivalent in pinyin, i.e, du-gong, da-ren, zhihui-shi, etc, instead of blanket terming them all as Your Excellency, or whatever. 

I did try a different approach with Recognition of Another when there was English and Chinese being spoken. I didn’t want to write out everything as pinyin, so for the longer sentences, I wrote it in Chinese (which is obviously gibberish to non speakers/readers) and then wrote the English in italics next to it. Still not sure about that approach… I have an Oz wip as well where it made more sense to put all the “Spanish” in Italics since there was so much of it, but there was also English I wanted to differentiate. When there is a character in the scene who doesn’t speak Spanish, I then wrote the dialogue in Spanish like for most of my fics. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter :S

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I'm quite proud of several of the fics I've written recently for various reasons, technical and creative, buuuuut Knuckle Down at the moment, just because of how many times I've reread it myself 😂

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Okay, I've finally collected my post-rewatch thoughts on the CX clones, and have two major points. Allow me to state in advance that, while my thoughts are... mixed (to say the least), this is NOT intended to bash the show's creative teams.

First, let's tackle the subject of CX2.

Let's make one thing perfectly clear: there were clear indicators that CX2 could be Tech. I went into season 3 NOT wanting CX2 to be Tech, AT ALL, so the fact that I left "Point of No Return" thinking chances were high that a Tech-X reveal was coming really says something. Even rewatching with the understanding that CX2 was apparently intended to be a shadow of Crosshair (per Jen Corbett), the Tech parallels couldn't be ignored. Others have spelled out exhaustive lists of the parallels; for me personally, the things that stood out and STILL read as Tech-coded to me are: 1) the dude moves like Tech, 2) looks like Tech with all his gadgetry/pouches that also link directly to his ship (Crosshair never had pouches nor is he ever shown to be the primary pilot, of course he has some level of flight training but he even gives the flying reins over to Omega), 3) there are at least four instances where he sounds just like Tech to me (Tech says "Who are you?" twice with the same cadence in season 1, so the fact that CX2 uses the same exact speech pattern... well, let's just say if I had a nickel for every time...), and 4) some of his word choices are precisely what Tech would say (it might be cliche by now but I am telling you, CX2 dropped the word "Domicile" and that was THE moment that I squinted at my screen and literally said out loud "Tech, is that you?" [insert Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme]).

Thing is, there are also several times where CX2 sounds like Crosshair to me, and most of the time he sounds like a reg under the distortion. In terms of sniping skills, he really is more on par with Crosshair compared to Tech (precise though Tech may be), and all regs seem to have some level of the other physical/weapons skills CX2 possesses.

My point? During my rewatch, all these details ended up coming across even more strongly to me as purposeful misdirection to ramp up speculation and interest. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using red herrings. It was actually really fun to speculate and even joke over whether CX2 was Cody or Soup Clone or Dogma (back when we were young and naive and thought the CX's might actually be redeemed). What I personally DON'T care for in the slightest is the trick of not only allowing the fate of a fan-favorite character to be left ambiguous all season long (and some would even argue it remains so now) but ALSO including several prominent hints that make said character (who is supposed to be dead) a red herring, especially considering that some of the fanbase (including me) was truly hoping for a comeback for the character for various reasons. And now, part of me is glad that CX2 wasn't specifically revealed to be Tech after Hunter skewered him, but I'm still screaming into the void over the fact that they didn't even bother to make THAT point crystal clear!

(I'm not going to touch on the gaslighting that has occurred within the fandom (cough Reddit cough) over the CX2=Tech evidence. That's on the fans, not the creative team, especially since I know the creatives are very limited in what they can talk about and how they can word things.)

As it stands now, frustrating though it is that Tech was used as a red herring, and much as I think there might have been some odd rewrites regarding this plot point, I'm taking the firm stance that the CX2 we saw skewered was NOT Tech. If Tech comes back, I want him to either have been living with amnesia or been kept in stasis somewhere on Tantiss. Preferably amnesia, with Omega or Echo finding him and bringing him home.

Second, my thoughts on the CXs as a whole.

I... am not sure what the overall point of them was supposed to be, besides being cool-looking baddies (and we already had plenty of those). Prove how awful the Empire is (as if that point hasn't already been made abundantly clear)? Prove how awful Hemlock is? Prove that Hemlock can do even worse to clones than even Palpatine was able to do? But if we're talking about how awful Hemlock's experiments are and the absolute horror the clones go through, why are we ultimately supposed to be glad/relieved that the CXs all die (including via suicide chip and assassination by fellow operative) and the CX-Batch are defeated in a boss fight? And it gets even muddier since the little characterization we have for the CXs is all over the place.

Let's take CX2 as an example again: he is a big meanie, a bigger meanie than CX1 who tried to kill our favorite senators Singh and Chuchi. He disobeys Wolffe. He kills CX1. He gets Nemik and other clones killed. He tries to drown Crosshair. He tortures Cid (mixed feelings on whether that actually makes him a meanie...) He obeys Hemlock's order to get the kid or else... But then he disregards the order to terminate the other Batchers if they get in the way (HE SHOOTS HIS OWN PILOT INSTEAD OF HUNTER), only targets the citizens' "means of escape," is borderline civil to Shep, and actually heeds Omega's plea to leave Pabu alone. So maybe he's not as much of a meanie...? (If he's supposed to be a brainwashed Imperial shadow of Crosshair, may I remind you that Imperial Crosshair murdered civilians and a member of his own team when they proved the slightest bit refractory and/or didn't have the intel he wanted.) But then he chops off Crosshair's hand. And after that - well, doesn't matter much anymore if he's a meanie or not. Apparently everything he did meant he was irredeemable.

Maybe we're just supposed to root for the "regular" CXs. It's the regular CXs Rex talks to when he offers help and a way back to the clones he manages to capture. But we only meet two of these "regular" shadows and hear of others alluded to, and these shadows die before we really get to know them. So maybe we're not supposed to have had enough time to care about these shadows after all. Maybe Rex's line is meant to illustrate how far gone they are (except CX2 kills CX1 before that plot point can really be explored), or to illustrate Rex's stance on wanting to help any and all clones (as if this had to be clarified any further).

And then... Well, there's not much to say about the CX-Batch. They have super cool character designs. The one CX-Batcher getting unhelmeted is admittedly the one and only solid bit of in-show proof I have that CX2 was a regular clone. They are evil and killing people left and right and must be put down. I guess they're meant to be shadows of what the Bad Batch might have been had they joined the Empire, but I can't help but see the message as: if the Empire tortures and experiments on you long and hard enough against your will, you're irredeemable, which is kinda odd in a show which has choice as a main theme (I mean, come on, we start with clones who were born to be soldiers with no choice in the matter, to ending with Omega choosing to be a soldier of her own free will after other clones had the choice to stop being soldiers). Maybe if it was clear that the CXs had volunteered to become CXs, the message would be different.

In conclusion: to say that my thoughts on the CXs are complicated is an understatement. Frankly I would have no trouble overlooking the confusing handling of the CXs if the show had just handled Tech's death better rather than allowing him to become inextricably linked with the CXs (even if only in speculation/theory). Despite this, I still love the show (including season 3) and still applaud the overall brilliance of the creative teams.

[shadowqnights]

May I ask what are your favorite MCD or Mystreet Ships or just Platonic Relationships? I love seeing people’s opinions on different characters relationships. I’ll occasionally see one that I never saw before and I think it’s so neat.

hello welcome to bee's fav ship masterlist

I’m sorry this ask took so long, this is the one that had all my progress deleted before I could save it anywhere during a blackout. So I didn’t try again to write it for a little while. I know you mentioned MyStreet but I want to make a Separate post for that so I might reblog this later with additions but for now I’m just gonna focus on the MCD side because I know my thoughts better on that and already have plenty to say about it.

Here’s like a little masterlist of my favourite ships + platonic relationships in MCD plus some itty bitty summaries with my thoughts on them. As always I’m down to elaborate on any of these if anyone has questions! I can always make more posts specifically about any of these pairings to fully like. Flesh out and brainstorm rewrite stuff. Some characters might overlap cause multiship win. Also these might sound non-canon because this is how I write them, a lot of this is in beeland not canonical jessland. And I've probably forgotten a shitton but fuck it we ball.

Romantic/Sexual Pairings

Garroth x Laurance. No surprises here, I’m predictable, not much to say other than what I say every other time. Enemies to friends to lovers dynamic, they’re toxic and bloody and they are obsessed with each other. They are codependent. They need each other. There is something so insane about enemies to lovers when they literally have seen the worst of each other and fall in love anyway, providing a foundation for such an intimate trust because they spent so long memorising each other for the sake of hatred. Now they would die for each other, now they are black holes for each other - I never really ship Garroth with anyone else in MCD specifically because they are completely absorbed in each other, and Laur only in like alternate timelines where Garrance aren’t quite as insane for each other and are capable of being normal exes. A delicious religious corruption sun x moon guard4guard freak4freak meal for me. Rich with hungry dog metaphors and plenty of blood. I will defend them to the death. In beeland general rewrite (not Loverman, sorry), they get to live on a farm in the middle of nowhere having an honest but peaceful life. They have a couple of kids, including Malachi<3 and once they’re old they are NOT fucking bothered by plot shit again. They go through many hells and then they finally get to rest. They are so fucking in love with each other that it makes me sickened how Jess accidentally gave me source material for the most insane yaoi that would take over my life for a multitude of years. I don’t know what to even summarise here because like. I’ve written a 500k fanfiction about them that is still ongoing like I don’t know what else to say about them that I haven’t already yapped on about. There’s probably more to talk about because I never stfu about them. No one is surprised.

Katelyn x Aphiah. More enemies to lovers but also in a more guard4princess dynamic, and if you squint also worshipper4god if you consider Katelyn devout. Katelyn enters as her assassin and does literally come close to killing her multiple times only to become her target’s most dutiful loyal guard. Their magicks call to each other. Katelyn teaches her how to fight and forces Aph to confront parts of herself that were unacknowledged before their meeting. Confident that with the amount of devotion, desire and pure angry emotion that I give Katelyn, if Laurance hadn’t been at the werewolf wedding in Season 2, she easily could have had a similar outburst and take his place there to save Aph. Katelyn is obsessed with her from the start, no matter whether considering Aph a symbol, then an enemy, then finally a friend, lord and lover. And Aph is utterly captivated by Katelyn, not just her beauty, but her power. Plus, majority of the things you like about Garmau and Laurmau can be translated to Katemau but better if you try.

Dante x Nicole. No enemies here, just lovers, oh god I love these two. They are both runaways haunted by their ‘past lives’, trying to create new names for themselves and heal. I associate them both with animals - Nicole quite literally as a fox, and Dante more metaphorically as a dog or coyote. They are best friends for YEARS before anything even happens between them, and I understand why Jess saw their vibe as an innocent young love/fling but also nooo………………….. I see the visions………………. They heal together… they understand each other’s vulnerabilities and insecurities so well….. they rescue each other…. they are adoring and energetic pure t4t love formed off years of friendship and mutual respect and like. They loved each other as friends and then they loved each other More and just very naturally became partners. They’re both very playful and adventurous when they open up, and even at their most different they’re this lovely dynamic of Nicole unable to stop yapping while Dante stares quiet and adoringly at her. And they fight together side by side!!!! (Hypnosis eyes for you to think more about mcd dancole)

Those are my big three holy trinity right nowwww but. Here are some more smaller-scale MCD ship dynamics that I also looove.

(Jeffory and Katelyn are also on this list but I talked about them yesterday in that other essay so I don't feel like repeating myself. Just know that they're included.)

Vylad x Laurance, errrr it’s complicated you already know what’s going on here. soul bonded or whatever, went through hell together. don’t know each other yet understand each other better than anyone, which isn’t saying much in vylad’s case, since no one comes close to ever really understanding him but if anyone’s going to pretend to, it’ll be laur. they are each other’s hopeful fantasy, like sitting in a dark cell and saying ‘do you think that, in another life-’. in this life, you will always have some kind of self-inflicted divide (you don’t know what the divide is blocking, because it’s not exactly friendship or romance but some third secret scary thing), but the thought will never die. you’re not even friends. in another life, maybe you could have gotten along somehow, but in this life you make stupid, foolish promises about freedom. you leave each other behind eventually, as is natural. vylad had far more clarity and knowledge of shadow knights that garroth never fully grasped, that made laurance feel seen. they make him feel seen in different ways. those damn ro’meaves.

Katelyn x Travis, nooo ha ha wow it’d be so funny if we were both burdened by years of pain and sacrifice thinking that we will never receive love only to find it in an unexpected place. it’d be so funny if you managed to save each other after years of being hurt. to the point that one of you feels that she wasted her only chance at love and the other is afraid that after years of isolation he will never know what it feels like. what if you realise that what you thought was frustrating and annoying is actually exactly what you need right now. maybe he was waiting for you his whole life. maybe he feels like letting go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding for so long. oomf if you keep on cracking the stupidest flirty jokes i might have to let down my tough exterior to actually smile a tiny bit if only in wry amusement but still, he gets her smiling. let’s go swimming and heal together oomfie!!!

Cadenza x Sasha, tragic sun x moon lovers forcefully separated. like your entire friend group was definitely all in love with both of these zvahl siblings at some point but like. instead of both of you being the fascination of this nerd freak one after the other, you two were meant to be together but could never voice it. you were such close friends that everyone already thought you were a package deal. not to be separated. only for everything to go wrong just as you are about to bring those feelings to light and now you will never get the chance because the girl you love just came back Wrong. and worse, she is so convinced that its Your fault that maybe it is, because if she believes it so forcefully it has to be true. without even knowing about gene altering her memories, you just let go because its the easiest thing to do. doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Laurance x Travis, but only in like a certain AU where Garroth is his ex but they’re not fucked up enough to be entirely obsessed with each other still. I don’t really indulge in Laurance or Garroth ships often because I am so ride or die for Garrance but I think in some world Laurance and Travis fit so nicely together, the same way that Laurance has that complicated relationship with Vylad but only in the circumstance that he’s not with Garroth. You have to hear me out here as I tell you that I understand Laurance on a deep insane level and you need to trust me when I say that he’s interested in science. He spends years ruling by emotion and temper. He’s searching for something logical, something with a straightforward answer that doesn’t depend on keeping his heart in check. He’s tired of being told to meditate or do yoga or whatever, thanks Vylad, he wants something tangible. Everyone is so busy worrying about him being this dangerous, volatile ticking time bomb that needs to calm down or leave when he’s already been through an emotional washing machine’s worth of hell that season alone. He’s tired and he wants a solution to a problem that is very much emotional, something that can’t just be fixed. Shadow Knights are made out of emotion, and ugly emotions at that, and now more than ever Laurance is so exhausted by the constant of it.

(Interesting to talk about later that Garroth and Laurance essentially swap, despite their respective emotional reputations, that Garroth’s leaving is emotionally driven and while Laurance’s is triggered by emotion, as per the Shadow Knight overreaction, his actual leaving is far more logical and straightforward, making it less emotionally destructive. Despite the notion that he is more emotional and Garroth is far more repressed, their breakdowns kind of reverse. It’s a little funny. Truly made for each other. Ok sorry no more garrance.)

And oh look who it is its Travis fist deep in the dirt hunting for worms with books and maps strapped to his back conducting the most fucked up science experiment known to man, someone who is very used to putting up a kind of faux performance to survive while having an incredible amount of burdens and sacrifices hidden beneath that carefully curated persona. They’re both incredibly clever, and despite those personas being playful and flirty, they know when to lock in to get the job done. And Travis is that perfect intruiging mix of heart and logic, because he’s blunt and straightforward especially when it comes to reciting things he knows from books, but when he gets passionate he can yap for hours. He is incredibly brave and sweet but also very studious and not very emotionally intelligent. He sees that Laurance has a problem and works himself to the bone to try and fix it for him, even when Laurance is trying to explain that its something unfixable. They’re kind of rivals at first that turn into besties who study each other sometimes. They are considering dissecting each other to figure out wtf is going on in the other’s brain. In a time period where literally everyone’s waiting for Laurance to snap, and he really does snap on Travis, it’s kind of comforting for someone to be fascinated by the Shadow Knight rather than afraid of it, and wants to approach it with science and reason rather than with emotion, fear or merely just projecting their own shames onto him. Their demon sides like each other or something.

Kiki x Cadenza, they’re pretty simple and cute. Sweet little background couple both passionate about nature - obviously Kiki loves animals, and Caddie is more interested in plants and gardening. They both have these almost-dormant magicks that emerge in very beautiful, caring ways. They are soft and tender with each other and also the idea of them meeting via Cadenza being a literal hen is kind of funny. They should throw rocks at Zane together.

Lucinda x KC, except I haven’t fuuuully thought about their endgame, just that they are so cute. Rivals to friends to rivals again, then friends AGAIN, then business partners/besties for many many years. And then when they’re older, lovers. They are stronger together, their magicks respond well to each other, and their individual business ventures actually work best when combined rather than competing. They don’t get together until they’re older ladies and, while Lucinda would still be working through some teacher-related conflicts, she’d be more willing to settle after years of wandering and long after being the White Witch, she might feel more comfortable sticking to one place. But even so they’re the kind of yuri that never has an explicit conversation about it and never tell anyone, it just happens so naturally, they’re old women who live together and have a dual witchcraft store + bakery and finally get to live in a place where they don’t have to feel ashamed of themselves or be in constant competition, even playfully, they can just Live. And also owl x cat dynamic is so cute.

Platonic/Familial Pairings

I feel like a couple of these I have talked about in more detail before so these will be kiiind of brief. Here are some of my favourite platonic dynamics and I am CERTAIN I've forgotten a lot of nice little underrated friendships but fuck it here's a top three.

These AREN’T ROMANTIC !!!

Dante, Aphiah & Aaron, their dumb dog-core little found family - Aaron becoming this old, gruff older brother figure for the both of them. After being alone for so long and bearing so much suffering, he finds solace and the beginning of a healing journey in both of them. None of them are replacing what has been lost per say, but fill the gaps of pieces missing in certain ways. Aphiah the amnesiac who, if she ever had a family at all, has literally no one now, getting to have a sibling dynamic with Dante, who waits so dutifully for his sister to come home. She looks to Aaron as a mentor figure, someone who can understand her feeling of otherworldliness and how she often feels alienated from the rest of the cast while also empathising with her as a Lord and a parent. She and Dante follow him and learn from him very attentively - and for Dante, to have an older brother figure that isn’t Gene. They take care of each other. An old wolf and the cubs that started following him around one day and while gruff and stubborn as to ignoring them at first, slowly learning to open up to them, thus earning their trust.

Vylad & Katelyn, give it up for EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED BESTIESSSSS. Every time I’ve brainstormed and thought about them with oomf I’ve been so genuinely pleased at the idea of locking them in a room together where they literally would just sit in silence and not be able to start a conversation. Such a painfully stubborn, awkward silence. Every scene they have together is so fucking funny do NOT put these guys on a boat together. They’re both gods of obsessing over their stony unfeeling tough exteriors to spare themselves of feeling. Kings of having tragic ass pasts and significant people in said pasts that haunt their respective narratives in a way that they feel no one will ever understand. So they can sit Close to each other sort of and continue to not understand each other but yet be the exact fucking same. GO TO THERAPY LOSERS.

Lucinda & Dante, go get therapy pt. 2, Dante you have to stop latching onto all of these caring figures that are a little older than you and provide some sort of semblance to a sibling, Dante stop it. She picks up on his subtle fear of witchcraft really quickly and decides to teach him more about what she does. He’s able to divulge parts of his past to her that he could never tell anyone about and she’s able to offer some comfort. I do appreciate that it’s not entirely one-sided - like yeah Dante is seeking comfort and understanding which he hasn’t really been able to take before, but he’s also there as a supportive shoulder for her, too, the way that his friendship with Aaron also starts out as mutual transaction. He notices that Lucinda has been feeling a little bit outcast by the town, even though she thinks thats what she has to be yet longs to be involved in the community, so he makes an effort to include her and spend time with her. He’s not really her apprentice, but he’s definitely willing to help out when he’s around, picking herbs and such. It’s a little funny that Dante is so insecure that he thinks of himself as undesirable and unloveable but a vast majority of town is literally a Dante fanclub willing to die for him and take him under their wing. Like oh baby. Your awkward charm is undeniable.

Stayed up late writing another ask answer yet again yippee. As always inbox is open for more asks if you feel brave enough to receive an answer of this average length and insanity :3 Stick your hand in my cage. I don't bite :).

[lovinggreeniehours]

📝🌦️☕️👀 with five? give us the deets (also want to hear your canon because canon doesnt exist <- doesnt watch just in support of pal @snowpuffclovers)

i would kill in your honor 🫶 you are amazing

im kicking the wall though because when i say "my canon" i mean i am just going to rewrite this entire tv show and. that is so hard 😭 you have No idea how many plot holes ive had to endure and tolerate throughout the series only for them to fuck everything up this majorly on the LAST SEASON okay inhale exhale i will not rant any further im happy today hfsgkhdhjdhj

📝: how would your story in canon go? how would you influence the events of the original story?

oh my goodness gracious this is Hard 😭 the story is so hard to self insert in because of how densely packed it is. there's not much wiggle room for ari to have his own thing going on. so i did have to make that his arc (him not knowing himself when he's not doing plot things) although i am changing it, i still think it's a fitting arc for him

as for what he'd change in canon, not to brag but five's life would be sooo easy if i was there. actually 🙄 he'd worry less because he doesn't always have to rely on himself, and since there's two of them to handle things, their missions go a lot smoother. there would be an extra pair of hands to try (keyword try) and keep the family from getting distracted in their sideplots, ari literally blocks bullets for him on the regular. guys

tldr for one, they're not going to die 💀 they can save the world Without dying. oh actually i wonder. since ari's powers let's him go through time and space in his dreams, would he be able to see the ending without realizing? 🤔

🌦️: would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? both? explain why.

BOTH.

i actually haven't read a lot of shippy fics in this fandom (or fics of the show in general) so i don't know how they usually handle that. the majority of the fics are about family dynamics, so i think there's a lot of "ari bonding with five's siblings and five wanting to scream cry throw up /pos about it" hwdgkgsgjfsfh

i think (especially in the early seasons before i dig harder into ari's character) there'd be character study fics on the two of them and the codependency they developed in the apocalypse. and these could go both ways but that middleground hurt/comfort is my favorite flavor 🥳

angst fics DEFINITELY include the "five leaving ari in the apocalypse" aus. i used to have this Horrible idea of them having a fight before five leaves, and five doesn't say goodbye because he's convinced ari hates him now. but ari feels even worse because he thinks he's the reason five left AND IT'S SO HORRIBLEE,,,, THIS IS SO HORRIBLE TO DO TO THEM,,, BUT IT'S SO INTERESTING,,,,,

☕️: what are the most common plots of shipping fics between you and your f/o?

the ones i mentioned above for sure. some domestic retirement fics hdsgjgddgh the old men need to rest 😭

maybe (if the fandom will dare tread here) them trying to figure out physical intimacy. fun fact, 35 years into marriage and they didn't fully know how to kiss HDSHJDSFH toothbrushes and clean water were hard to find in the apocalypse okay they were so not doing mouth contact that's gross 😭 it is a bit risky to make fic of this because they're physically 13 and 14 during s1-3, so i don't think it would be a thing until s4

👀: how does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic?

the entire show is about arifive if you squint hard enough /j

no listen okay there's so much interesting stuff about them. like their main theme of "your story saved my life" where ari found happiness in his mundane life through the umbrella academy hyperfixations. and then in the apocalypse, even if they used to butt heads a lot, ari cared about five so so much. he cared about five his entire life, and he refused to let him die. and five doesn't understand the reasoning of it, but it does move him. and it makes him keep going everyday for 45 years. of course, his main goal keeping him moving was his family back home, but ari was the person holding him together. ari reminded him everyday of what he was fighting for, and like. in a way, their sheer determination and devotion saved each other. i always thought that was really neat

there's also that strange inevitability they have going on. i like using that word for them a lot because all the external circumstances dictated that there's no way in hell these two would ever cross paths??? they were born across the world from each other, with the time separation of their births being 15 years??????? AND YET. five, being as stubborn as he is, will always try to time travel and get stuck in the apocalypse. and ari will always be there, practically destined to be the last survivor on earth. there is no way they should have met, but there is no way it won't happen

even their imagery and metaphors alone are to die for, like ari's powers representing the matter that makes up the universe, while five's powers represent the time and space that moves it. five having this theme of running and ari having a theme of being stuck, but five is always there to pull him along for the ride. five often being compared to icarus for his hubris, and ari being the sun (to reference the fact that five bringing ari with him at all is a risk to the timeline. but he takes the risk anyway because he needs Everyone in his family to be safe). even the way that their powers are colored red and blue?? the two colors that represent each of the two most major timelines in the series as a whole??????

[adickaboutspoons]

Tagged by @chocolatepot. Thank you, my v. dear!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason. <3

First fic: On AO3, that would be my drabble collection for Pet Shop of Horrors. Far from baby's first fic(s), but the first that I published where other people could see from way back in the hazy yesteryear of Livejournal. First fic ever was a Mary Sue self-insert Dracula fic. It was terrible beyond words.

Last fic: Last fic FOR NOW is When a Good Plan Comes Together. And frankly? I can't recommend it. I've been fighting myself about maybe taking it down for a week now, because it kind of makes me cringe to think that might be the first thing of mine someone reads. It's not that it's BAD, per se, but it is v. LAZY. I saw a prompt and wanted to knock out a response to it, and a quick one, because I'm currently working on three other fics that require a lot more mental energy. But that meant handwaving the titular plan and "fade to black"-ing on the sex scene, and that's not really up to my normal standards.

Only once: I tend to be fandom-monogamous, and, within my hyperfocus, OTP-centric, so the closest I've got fic-wise is Unbelievable, which is kinda Geoffrey Fettering/the allure of Stede Bonnet's escape to piracy, if you squint at it. Vid-wise, my first vid ever was for my wifey, featuring her favorite character from The Umbrella Academy, Klaus, and I've got a Stede/Hornberry set to "I've Got A Crush On You."

Favorite fic from the fandom I've written in most: Technically, I think I've written more individual drabbles for Pet Shop, but since they're all grouped together, I'll go with OFMD, in which case, it's Like I Want to be Awake. It's prolly what I would consider my best writing to date - funny but still earnest, the first sex scene I've actually found hot while writing it, and, I flatter myself, a solid Ed-voice with some v. creative cursing.

Fic I wish more people read: I mean, the answer is also "Like I Want to be Awake" because I love it so much, and I want other people to love it too. But other than that, my Stede Sonnets. I know, sweetie, I know. You had a bad English teacher who didn't know how to teach poetry, and prolly didn't really know how to teach Shakespeare, so now you hate all poetry, and ESPECIALLY a stuffy, restrictive format like sonnets. But I'm urging you to find it in your heart to give it another go. I think you might find that, because the subject matter is fandom-centered, you might be predisposed to give the slightest damn about what it's about, and able to relax into the format. And you might even find that sonnets don't have to be stuffy - they can be funny, or dare I say, even flirty and sexy.

Fic I agonized over: The answer is also also "Like I Want to be Awake". I'm SOOOO unendingly lucky to have a marvelous group of Discord friends that let me endlessly whinge on at them. It was supposed to be a silly one-shot companion piece to Footsteps in the Dark (just over 1K). Over the course of 3 weeks, it grew into a 16K monster. Mostly because the boys wouldn't shut the fuck up about matchbooks. I agonized whether including a Maori folk story was appropriative or a respectful allusion to the culture from which Ed's mother came. I found a story I loved that was thematically relevant to the rest of the story and wrote up my own version, and then decided to double-check for alternative versions, only to find it was labeled "Maori," but was actually written by a London-born white woman who was a teacher in Ateoroa in the late 1800s. So now that only lives on the Discord server because there was no way I could use it, but the writing was good. Then, after I'd found a different story, researched it, and THEN wrote it up, I agonized over whether just glossing over Stede telling the story of Snow White with Ed's reactions thereunto, since it would doubtlessly be more familiar to my readers, would be othering to the Maori story (that they might not be familiar with, and would therefore necessitate a full telling), or if I DID do a full retelling if that would be obnoxious. I agonized over whether it cut off too abruptly. About whether it counted as a downer ending when really it just dovetails back into canon. About whether the title too like that of a fandom juggernaut, or if maybe I should choose a different lyric from the Petshop Boys song from which I took the original story in order to link them that way? Like I said - I am SO lucky my buddies are so patient with me.

Fic that sprang fully formed: Definitely Your Achilles. I was about half-way through Beautiful and Useless when Ed's voice interrupted Loud and Clear and Insistent that his version be told. From then on, I was basically writing the two stories simultaneously.

Work(s) I'm proud of: Almost all of the above (not you, "When a Good Plan Comes Together" - you sit there and think about what you've done!), but also Advanced Maneuvers , because it was has the first sex scene I'd ever written, and, even though my brain fought me tooth and nail the entire way through, it's not half bad, Time Enough because it was my first time trying to write action, and I'm pretty pleased with how it came out, Under Par because it was my first attempt at a modern AU and I think it's pretty cute, and Dearly Beloved because it's a lot of fun.

A tag to summon (but no presh): @bizarrelittlemew @emi--rose @epersonae @nicnacsnonsense @poetic----nonsense

[evernkillian]

Get To Know Game

Thank you @leafiloaf for the tag! (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)🤍

Three Ships

1. Tomarry/Harrymort (Harry Potter / Tom Riddle | Voldemort)

2. Fyozai (BSD Fyodor Dostoevsky / BSD Dazai Osamu)

3. Kakaobi (Hatake Kakashi / Uchiha Obito)

First Ever Ship

I actually...don't know [kek] I grew up watching TVs and anime so *squints* it's hard to pinpoint which ship. Might be Dramione (Draco Malfoy / Hermione Granger) or AnnexGilbert (from Anne of green gables. The cartoon one kek)

Last Song

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison by My Chemical Romance

Stuck in my Head

Too Close (Voice Performance) by Melanie Martinez

and

Monsters by All Time Low ft. Demi Lovato and Blackbear

Last Movie

Jujutsu Kaisen 0 - it's amazing

Currently Reading

Lessons, Loki-style by Sailor Chibi currently in my marvel era, maybe (I'm looking at you Trixie) so I've been reading FrostIron for days

Currently Watching

None. Brain goes brr and wants to only read. And play (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

Currently Consuming

Honey Glazed Pili Nuts! they're super yum! I didn't like them before when I was a kid but my Dad got some and dared me to try his favorite dessert? Snack? Again and now I like them

Currently Craving

Siomai. Always. My one true love

Favorite Color

It depends, it changes frequently. Right now it's green.

Favorite Foods

Siomai. Dumplings. Carbonara. Ube Piaya. Boba. Shanghai. Seafoods.

Dream Trip

Germany too. And Japan, maybe. Or anywhere with lots of forest and greens.

This was fun to make, thanks for including me leafiii.

Tagging @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger @aglassroseneverfades @cloverwoodss @creantzy @chiocchi @cringe-queasy @duplicitywrites @hikarimeroperiddle @hazelnut1 @iwritenarrativesandstuff @itsevansart @kagariasuha @limonium-anemos @laeveteinn @odyss007 @rin-568 @vonnibel @yuki-mxivo @goldenzingy46 and anyone who wants to participate!

And uh, I've tagged people I don't really know that much so... Hello? (I mean it's a get to know game soooo uh hehe) ╮⁠(⁠＾⁠▽⁠＾⁠)⁠╭ Also sorry if I've tagged the wrong blog? side blog? ajsbsbsbsb. No pressure! It's okay if you don't answer or even if you answered this after years (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

[dyke-terra]

Thanks for the tag!

How many works do you have on ao3?

*squints* 261…?

What’s your total word count?

663,298. Over the course of like seven years, even if that was mostly 2020-2023.

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, mostly DC comics with a bit of Worm thrown in there. Previously, Homestuck, the Mechanisms/Dr Carmilla, and Homestuck.

Top five fics by kudos

Ughhh, three of them are My Hero Academia fics. I didn’t include that in the above list because everything from this era sucks. Honestly, they only have so many kudos because they’re either slash or chat fics, not to mention for one of the bigger fandoms. It’s basically cheating. The other two are “all the things they didn’t say” and “your hand in my nightmare tonight.”

Do you like replying to comments? Why or why not? Yeah! Why would I!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh, man, everything I write is super angsty. I think "so watch my back and keep the blade" is pretty grim, as well the "all this bad blood" series in general.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Man, do I write anything happy? I guess "next year in jerusalem" is kind of sweet.

Do you get hate on your fics? Not hate towards me, but once on one of my Worm fics, someone decided to get really mad at Dinah Alcott, a character who is notably an incredibly traumatized twelve year old and talked about how they wanted to kill her. I had to keep deleting this guy's posts until he got the clue. It was weird. Do you write smut? I've tried. It's hard. Do you write crossovers? I've done some! Mostly Worm.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know!

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but two of them got podfics! Have you ever co written a fic before? Nope. Though I've worked on collaborative projects that I ended up going in my own direction.

What's your all time favorite ship? Whichever one I brainrotted about last. Smugbug. What's a WIP you want to finish but probably never will?

All of them?

What are your writing strengths? I like to think I'm good at depressing character studies/emotional scenes! What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes also

First fandom you wrote for? Man, it depends on how you count. I guess minecraft youtubers from 2013 or so? Homestuck's the first on ao3. Favorite fic you've written? I've written so many... I'm still pretty fond of "this side of paradise" even though it's really self indulgent.

Tagging @uuuuutan @shield-sheafson, if either of you are interetd!

20 questions for fic writers!!!

TY FOR TAGGING ME @evilwickedme my amount of wips will be painful for the both of us

How many works do you have on ao3?

13!!!!!!

what’s your total ao3 word count?

43,740!

What fandoms do you write for?

i started out writing for father brown (hi father brown fandom!! i miss you!!!) and i've written one the owl house fic, but i mostly write for dc!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

healing, feathers and thorns, loving harley, a ludicrous accusation, and loving ivy

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!! i love getting comments they make my day!!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

hmmmm i wanna say Always His Fault which is a tiny ficlet. OR Feathers and Thorns

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhhh, i dont think ive ever written a fic with a happy ending. or at least one that ive finished.

Do you get hate on fics?

once! someone commented on my wonderlois fic saying it was weird that cassie introduced herself with their pronouns. which, whatever i guess?

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i dont but id like to try it one day

Do you write crossovers?

nope, but id looove to write a pjo/yj98 crossover

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

uhh no i dont think so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

to write for? cissiecassie without question. in general? supercorp.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

SO MANY. one that i doubt ill ever finish is one where kara and lena meet at a disability support group that barbara wanted kara to attend with her. PI bunty windermere is also one that i never finished.

What are your writing strengths?

i have absolutely no idea

What are your writing weaknesses?

fight scenes. bloody fucking hell, fight scenes.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

unless i'm fluent in the other language, i wouldn't feel comfortable doing it in case i made mistakes, or if i had someone fluent in that language to help me.

First fandom you wrote for?

father brown, but i wrote a self insert harry potter fic in a notebook with my best friend in year 5

Favorite fic you’ve written?

poison root because it was such an emotionally draining one to write, but ultimately left me feeling a lot better about stuff once i published it, also it got recognised by sterling gates! a close second would have to be Meet me at Blue Diner because i wrote that during a tough time also, need to post the second chapter so bad. uhhhh tag games r hard but i guess ill tag @frosty-the-killer-doll and @antifa-terra !!!!!!

[barry-j-blupjeans]

@taznovembercelebration day 29: fire, favorite

“Y’know it’s more than just… learning the magic, right?” Lup said, taking Barry’s hands in hers. Barry flushed but didn’t look away. “I don’t doubt that you know how your own magic works, but when I’ve seen you cast, it’s very, uh. Very stiff. You’re supposed to let it flow through you, not force it out.”

“I’m not sure I’m understanding,” Barry said honestly and Lup made a thoughtful noise, pull her hands back. She flipped through the thick book in front of them and said,

“You’ve got, like, multiple wizard schools n’ shit, right?”

“Yeah,” Barry said. “Uh, mostly on Enchantment, very low-level transmutation, divination, abjuration-”

“Yeah, whatever,” Lup cut him off. “Which one is your favorite?”

Barry blanched, trying to think. Immediately, his mind went towards Necromancy. But seeing as they were five years into this apocalypse-driven journey, Barry didn’t really know if it was the right time to mention that he even did Necromancy. Their home plane had been… hesitant when it came to anything relating to that type of magic, even if Barry had modified a good portion of the spells to not include any type of sacrifice or death or-

Lup was looking at him expectantly.

“Evocation,” Barry blurted out.

Fuck. He didn’t even have any levels in Evocation. He was too scared of burning himself.

“Oh?” Lup said, in the way that Barry knew meant she had seen right through his bullshit. “Sure, yeah, Evocation of course. Didn’t know we shared a favorite class, Bar.”

“Gotta love fire,” Barry tried weakly and Lup snorted, pushing the book towards him.

“Maybe you’ve forgotten what classes you have,” she said. “So one more time, from the top. Which one is your favorite?”

Barry stared down at the book of wizard schools, his heart racing. They had all the ones he had levels on in there, and a few he didn’t. But the second on Necromancy was the shortest of all and Barry could see the words “illegal in many parts of the world” staring back up at him threateningly. When he looked up, Lup was waiting.

“If I tell you,” Barry said. “Please don’t tell anyone else.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind,” Lup said, squinting in suspicion.

“You can tell Taako,” Barry said, changing his tactics. “But- Not Dav. Not yet, at least, I, uh- it’s weird.”

“This is weird,” Lup said and Barry could give her that, yeah.

“Alright,” he said. “Uh, my favorite is Necromancy.”

He watched as Lup processed. Over the past five years, he picked up on the fact that the twins were very good at hiding emotions. However, he’d also picked up on the little ways they showed it. Lup’s ear twitched, imperceptible to anyone who wasn’t paying attention. Barry tried not to think about how she did that when something shocked her. Instead, he thought about the first time he noticed it when Magnus had reappeared on the ship after their first cycle. Fuck, no that wasn’t good to think about either.

“Okay,” Lup said slowly. “How, uh, how long have you been into that?”

“I brought my cat back to life when I was fourteen,” Barry said awkwardly. “So, uh. It’s been a bit. I’m not- look, I modified most of the spells and they don’t even need blood anymore. It’s not bad, or anything, it’s just- it’s interesting! And helpful! Merle can’t- hey, here’s a plus, Merle’s can’t bring people back to life. Worse comes to worst, come get me.”

It was a very poor attempt at a joke. But Lup laughed anyway.

“Sure, dude,” she said. “That’s- yeah, no, this fits, I dig it. Back on task, though. What does Necromancy feel like when you cast it compared to, like, Enchantment?”

She was smiling at him again. Barry’s heart thundered in his chest and he ignored it in favor of making her smile more.

[crescentfool]

the fics i’ve read in august 2021

happy september everyone! can’t believe we’re entering the last third of the year. as per usual, i’m compiling my favorite fics to kickstart the month! if you’d like to see last month’s fic recommendation list, you can find that here.

all fics listed here are from persona 3 or persona 5. most of them are ryomina / minaryo fics, but there’s also a selection of shuake / akeshu fics! please mind the tags/warnings/ratings when viewing the fics; read what you’re most comfortable with! with this in mind, the full list is located under the cut.

all fics are formatted as TITLE by author | rating | appx. word count | brief description of fic (including main ship/character, tropes/AU, and whether the fic is completed, ongoing, or abandoned)

persona 5 fics

dens sapientiae by xylosis | T | 1.6k | shuake oneshot where akechi gets his wisdom teeth removed. an absolutely funny read especially for people who like to see akechi being delirious 😂

Like An Ocean’s Pearl by Coffee_Bean_Claude | T | 11k | ongoing shuake fic featuring mer!goro and a selectively mute trans persona 5 protagonist. features some cool dynamics between all of the PT- and a very enjoyable take on mer!goro.

CYOA: Goro Akechi and his very hungry roomba by bloominginthenight | T | 4.6k | a completed shuakeshu choose your own adventure crackfic, centering around akechi and his roomba. i highly suggest reading all of the routes because this is REALLY fucking hilarious.

how joker and crow survived in the ever-evolving world shaped but not entirely defined by the coronavirus pandemic in 2020 and 2021 by shantealeaves | T | 12.7k | a oneshot centering around joker and crow in the pandemic and how they cope with everything. haircuts are a central motif in the work and i love the characterization. reading the previous work is not required, but i recommend that one as well!

persona 3 fics

Eurydice’s Vow by crescentmoontea | T | 13.6k | a very phenomenal ryomina fic that takes place within the third semester of p5r. the characterization of this fic is amazing; it’s very reminiscent of their dynamic in the movies! this fic is just three chapters of completed bliss that will absolutely make you cry. (also features background akeshu, if you squint)

Hours at the End of the World by TwilightKnight17 | G | 5.4k | a completed multichapter ryomina fic that explores a canon-divergence AU that changes the outcome of January 31st. this work is the first in the series known as the Hours ‘Verse, which also includes Persona 4 and 5 (which I’d also recommend checking out if it interests you!).

69912 by neonsign | G | 2.1k | ryomina oneshot that explores their first kiss! i really enjoyed the characterization on this- it’s short and sweet.

13191 by neonsign | G | 959 | a very short ryomina oneshot that focuses on the two from the perspective of an established relationship. it’s very bittersweet but it’s a cute and cohesive scenario nevertheless!

held in the arms of your words by superheroics/synthetica | T | 4.1k | angsty ryomina oneshot that focuses on their relationship on christmas eve. it depicts ryoji’s POV from a second person, and how he uses every language of the earth. a very clever and poetic fic that will make you cry your insides out.

telling eyes by Katseester | G | 2.1k | ryomina oneshot that depicts their relationship at various stages within the canonverse timeline. it’s such a meaningful rendition of their relationship and i enjoy the characterization and internal monologue/narration SO much.

This Boy’s in Love by ang3lsh1 | G | 1.9k | AU where minato is a DJ and ryoji pulls some strings for minato’s success. it’s a brief oneshot- but it’s a fluffy and entertaining one at that!

Take Care by teamchaosprez | G | 1k | very short and sweet ryomina oneshot where ryoji visits minato and takes care of him. i would love to see more of this scenario but it’s super cute and fluffy nevertheless!

just like heaven by megidolaon | T | 2.9k | a bittersweet ryomina oneshot that showcases the mutual understanding/same wavelengths of their relationship. the fic has some all-around somber/quiet vibes and it’s super lovely.

Under the Moon and the Stars by BkZa555 | M | 13.2k | a ryomina oneshot with BANGING characterization. it’s a beautiful rendition of these two getting together BEFORE december and the emotions feel super tangible. the fic does feature sexual content, but the fic has dividers so if that’s not your thing, you could skip it. either way, the characterization is great!

New Year’s Eve by KiraLioden | T | 6.1k | a completed ryomina multichapter fic that focuses on the emotions that ryoji, minato, and hamuko experience on 12/31 through alternating perspectives. i really like all the interpretations here, as well as minato and hamuko being twins!

and that’s all the fics i have to recommend for now! i hope to see you all next month for another batch of lovely fics. in the meantime, i hope anyone who reads these fics enjoys them as much as i did! if you enjoyed them, please be sure to leave the authors a nice comment on ao3. and if you’d like to recommend fics to me, please feel free to drop some in my askbox! i’d be happy to hear about them 💗

[dai-nana-han-agenda]

HIIIII!! I really realllly love reading your tags on your retweets! It's one of my favorite things to see while scrolling down my TL. I was wondering if you have any of your fave TEAM 7 gen fics you could recommend? 💖💕 preferably no ships and just something that focuses on their dynamic and growing solidarity with each other!

HELLO! thank you so much omfg 💖 i’m so so sorry it took me so long to respond, i had the answer all drafted out and ready to go and then my dumb ass CLOSED THE TAB and i lost everything 😭 i had to rewrite the post which took a while FJDFSJ but it’s here now!! i really hope these are fics you haven’t seen/read before (omfg could you imagine if you’ve read every fic on this list i’d feel so bad 😭) but yeah!! i hope this helps!! 💖

(also side note, your icon is SO cute, i always see it in my notifs but i never got the chance to tell you until now LOLOL)

MULTI-CHAPTER

komorebi by tomorrowsrain ─ okay, i know you said preferably no ships (we’re already off to a rocky start FDJFKSJ) but this is literally my favorite team 7 fic ever, it’s impossible for me not to include it. it’s kakaobi, and team 7 doesn’t come in until ch. 3 of the first part, but i highly HIGHLY recommend it. seriously, this is my absolute favorite characterization of the members of team 7 & their dynamic, the author does such a good job of building their relationship from teammates to family. i will say the first chapter is a little disorienting (it’s in first person POV, which i usually tend to avoid when it comes to fanfiction, but the author does it so well and it does shift straight back to third person POV for the rest of the chapters). the author is currently writing the chuunin exams arc and it’s literally everything i wanted. 

tides by edenfalling ─ omg, this was one of the first team 7 fics i ever read waaay back on ff.net when i was like, 12 years old. unlike most of the fics on this list, this is set in shippuden, but it’s very much AU/canon-divergent. good character dynamics with team 7 learning how to work together again<3

how to make a team by Pleasedial123 ─ basically, kakashi gets his head out of his ass and actually invests time into strengthening the bonds between the members of team 7. don’t get me wrong, i absolutely LOVE canon!kakashi & i know he did his best (he was traumatized + not ready to be a teacher, i get it)... plus, if he was a good teacher in canon, there literally wouldn’t have been a plot. basically this is me saying fuck kishimoto because LOOK at what we could’ve had!! 

and so, the sensei supports his students by ihopethelightwillshineupon ─ this is really more kakashi-centric and it focuses more on his relationship with each of his students than on the dynamic between naruto, sasuke, and sakura (but kakashi is technically part of team 7 so it still counts!!)

ONE-SHOTS

for warmth by magnificentbirb ─ a scene i wish we would’ve gotten in canon.... like you’re telling me there are literally HOURS of filler episodes and we couldn’t get ONE soft, genin team 7 moment?? kishimoto & studio pierrot, you’ll be hearing from my lawyers. 

believing in heroes by guycecil ─ another moment i wish we got in canon because like... can we talk about how, in their genin days, these kids are 12 years old. are you fucking kidding me. also, now that i’m skimming over the fic, this may be more sakura-centric than team 7 centric, but i’d still highly recommend!

the pretty one by theformerone ─ it’s tagged as ot3, but i promise there are no ships! like maaaybe if you squint? but i honestly read it as platonic. one of my favorite fics ever tbh. answers the question that i’ve been thinking about since the manga was released all those years ago: what could have happened if kakashi was too late?

take the fight from the kid by theformerone ─ someone tell me why these 12 year old kids aren’t allowed to process anything on screen.... like, right after the wave arc, everything just went back to normal. like okay, yes, naruto had that moment to grieve for zabuza + haku, but i really just wanted to see a shift in the team 7 dynamics and we never really got it. so take this beautifully written fic instead!! god bless fanfiction. 

pray my name by Chancy_Lurking ─ ok so this is a fic that i found today and i’m OBSESSED. i do want to warn you, since you asked for no ships: it’s not tagged as ot3, but it could be if you squint. or, you could argue that team 7 is just very affectionate/very codependent. either way, right after i finished reading it, all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and cry (but like, in a good way). 

just killing time by edenfalling ─ a very short but cute little one-shot that i also just found today! same author as tides, so if you read that first and you like their work, you should check this one out! (or vice versa)

did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god? by hotgirl ─ i literally recommend this fic to anyone and everyone because like?? it doesn’t exactly match what you’re looking for but it does have team 7 moments (heads up: it’s implied sns). this is honestly one of the best sasuke characterizations i’ve ever read. 10/10 would recommend.

of bruised brains and dog baths by sweetpotatopie ─ okay so these last three fics might not be exactly what you’re looking for but i’m adding them if/when you’re in the mood for cute, feel-good team 7 one-shots. this one is just a happy, post-canon piece where they actually get along<3

another day in paradise by ohthelinsanity ─ modern au where sakura and naruto bully sasuke, sakura and sasuke bully naruto, and kakashi is weird as shit. the friendship between naruto/sasuke/sakura that i wish i got in canon. hints of past itasaku and implied inosaku, but it’s very much a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment.

gotta see! finally know! kakashi-sensei’s true face! by Lolistar92 ─ my FAVORITE face reveal fic EVER. episode 101 from naruto is the only filler that deserves rights (and maybe the curry arc because i love team gai, the ramen episode, and all the episodes with konoha 11. but mostly ep 101.)

[yukipri]

On Thatch & Marco - A One Piece Mermaid AU Text Headcanon/Story

So I’ve gotten quite a few asks regarding Marco and the Whitebeards, and while this isn’t a response to a specific ask, here’s a little story on them!

~~

It's only been a few weeks since they've left Dawn Island, and they're still in East Blue but they've somehow already more than doubled the number of brats on board. And while the Moby Dick is far from boring, Thatch has had more adventures in this short timespan than he's had in years, and he's thriving.

Sure, he still feels little twinges of guilt for basically ditching his duties, but he's growing, in ways that the stability of an established Yonko crew hadn't allowed, and he knows that he'll be a better, more useful man to Pops and the others by the time they've caught up in the New World. Honestly, he's wondering if he should suggest these kinds of experiences for all the commanders, and wonders how Pops would feel about that.

But it's on one of these days and brief moments of calm when Thatch is daydreaming about his family in the New World when he spots a blue seagull circling far above them. It's weirdly shiny, and Thatch immediately recognizes it as a species native to an island in Pops' territory, and one that is unusual all the way here in East Blue.

Which means only one thing: Marco's checking in.

A quiet whistle from Thatch is all it takes for the seagull to come spiraling down, and Thatch remembers to take a quick glance around deck to make sure Luffy hasn't spotted it; he's learned the hard way what it means for a bird to land on deck when the ever-hungry mermaid is feeling a bit peckish.

But the bird lands safely on the rail close to Thatch's arm. It's by no means nearly as brilliant a blue as Marco, but certainly more beautiful than most birds you can find out at sea. Thatch still remembers the first time he found Marco making friends with the things, remembers laughing hysterically and making all sorts of bird jokes as Marco, then still a teen, looked more and more like the constipated old man he eventually grows up to be.

Well, jokes aside, the birds are now incredibly useful, serving as Marco's personal messengers to their allies across the world. Which, huh, Thatch supposes that includes him now, which is kind of an odd feeling.

And while Thatch wants to feel flattered that Marco's checking up on his favorite Thatch, he also knows that Marco's checking up on their littlest little brother, and the little brother of that little brother (baby brother^2, Thatch and Marco had fondly dubbed her, when Ace first told them about her). Because while Thatch's definitely accompanying Ace and co for his own selfish reasons (and he also swears it's not just so he could encounter the love of his life, darling Luffy), he also knows that Marco and Pops had ulterior motives for letting Thatch go, beyond just allowing Thatch to stretch his legs.

When Ace had asked, uncharacteristically shy, if he could still be one of Whitebeard's sons without formally joining his crew, and when Whitebeard responded with an affirmative--Thatch wonders if Ace really understands what that meant. A good parent, a good father is definitely a foreign concept to him (and unfortunately for Luffy too, Thatch has found, and knows that Pops will adopt her the moment he meets her if he hasn't already). And the Whitebeard pirates don't take the bonds of family lightly.

So while yes, Thatch is here for his own adventures, he's also very aware of what he represents, both to his family and to the world. For his family, his presence on board maintains the connection between the Whitebeards and Ace. Ace is still so very new to their family, and while no one doubts his competence, he still has much to go in terms of learning to rely on them, on learning that the Whitebeard pirates will ALWAYS have his back. And well, East Blue is kinda far away, too far for a shout to be heard on the Moby. So Thatch is here acting as their representative, and he couldn't be more honored to have the role. He is, if nothing else, excellent at being a nagging older brother, and it's the role he's easily found himself fitting into here.

But the other reason is that Thatch is the Fourth Division Commander of the Whitebeards, and no one who knows anything about pirates would fail to recognize him, and the weight of his presence. He knows people won't immediately make the connection that this crew has already been adopted, or even what that means because it's not quite the same as ally, but Thatch's presence establishes an undeniable connection between them and one of the Four Emperors. Thatch knows that when he makes eye contact with the marines and they balk, it's not just him they see: it's the huge, looming shadow of Whitebeard himself. And until the world learns to see that shadow behind Ace, behind all of the ASL pirates, well, Thatch will stay right here.

The blue gull on the rail looks at Thatch expectantly, and Thatch lets it perch on his shoulder as he makes his way to the kitchen. Sanji glances up in surprise and squints at the bird, but doesn't say anything as he returns to preparing dessert for the ladies (it's a reminder that Thatch should be doing that too, or else the snot-nosed cook will one up him in earning the favor of Luffy, or at least her stomach). Thatch decides to make this quick, and grabs two cookies from the hidden cookie jar, as well as some parchment and a writing utensil.

Thatch knows Marco wants to know how they're doing, but well, the timing of the gull is awfully convenient, so he's taking advantage.

Dear Blue Chicken Sauteed in Pineapple Sauce, Thatch writes, taking advantage of the opportunity to write in "code," despite the lack of confidential information and low risk of one of Marco's blue gulls being stopped. He'll take every opportunity to tease, thank you.

The stove on this ship works great, and the fish is beautiful. Thatch's pen moves before he really thinks about what's coming out. She's stolen my heart, I think I want to marry her. Thatch pauses...huh, well, honestly he's not exaggerating, is he? He'll let Marco guess how serious he is. (he's suddenly uncomfortable because he's not sure how serious he is himself, but that's a thought for another time)

And now, the most important part of the letter: PS - I dropped my hair wax in the ocean. Can you send me an extra from my room?

Because, tragically, Thatch had--and now his beautiful pompadour is a sad mess that's tumbling down his shoulders. Thatch knows he could pick up another tub of hair wax on any of the islands they’ve stopped at, but he has standards, and he needs his special wax that he’s used for decades, which is unfortunately only found in the New World.

Which makes his current situation stuck in East Blue quite tragic, except it isn't quite as heart-breaking as Thatch had thought it'd be, once he realized how much Luffy likes playing with his loose locks, and the sheer number of times Thatch has been finding himself overboard recently would have made putting his hair up again after every time a pain--but well. It'd still be nice to have the familiar weight of his hair wax in his pocket again.

Thatch decides to omit the major change with himself since he last saw Marco that resulted in the hair wax being lost in the first place: the fact that he's eaten a devil fruit. Because that's a surprise. Thatch wants to see Marco's face when he realizes how badass Thatch has become, controlling Darkness of all things. (well, Thatch has to actually get good at it first, and stop almost drowning. It's coming along)

Thatch wraps one cookie in the letter, tying it into a neat parcel, and feeds the other to the bird as thanks for his services. The bird takes off as soon as Thatch opens the door.

Well, now Thatch has a lovely mermaid to feed, and a baby cook to outclass.

~~

Thatch sees the next blue gull a week later, damn those things are fast. It's carrying a parcel this time, and Thatch reaches out gleefully, because he doesn't remember the last time he's had his hair down for this long and he can't wait to have his signature hair style once more.

The bird doesn't stick around this time, and instead just drops the parcel into Thatch's hands before wheeling back the way it came.

And...huh. The parcel's not the right size, or weight to be Thatch's hair wax.

Thatch squints suspiciously, as Ace comes to stand by him, staring after the gull. "Marco?" he asks, and Thatch grunts, already feeling grumpy and just knowing he's not gonna be thrilled by whatever Marco sent.

He opens the parcel, and inside is a little blue bauble, wrapped in Marco's infuriatingly precise, fancy shmancy handwriting.

Dear Soggy Bread, congratulations on graduating from a baguette. May you evolve into a better bread next time. PS - The stone's for baby brother^2.

Ace ignores Thatch's enraged yowl and plucks up the stone--before cursing and dropping it. Thatch's reflexes manage to catch it before it hits the deck--and he immediately knows why Ace dropped it in the first place.

The stone immediately feels weird, not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that distinctively reminds Thatch of the sea. He's familiar with what the stone is, but not how it feels, and is reminded once again of his relatively new status as a devil fruit user. At Ace's questioning (and wary) look, Thatch explains, as a good older brother should.

It's a special stone made on Fishman island. There's a piece of seastone at its core, and then it's wrapped in a mix of glass and crystal. It's a luxury trinket popular with a lot of young mermaids, because it's pretty, but also feels like the essence of the ocean is in it, which can be immensely comforting to most merfolk and fishmen.

While not the purpose, the glass and crystal casing also ensures that devil fruit users can touch it without feeling weakened, though they can still sense the sea from it, hence why it feels weird.

Thatch hates, hates to admit it, but it's a ridiculously thoughtful (and expensive) gift for a mermaid devil fruit user who can't enjoy the sea directly, damn Marco for thinking of it first! The bastard's definitely teasing Thatch by trying to woo his crush from half a world away. Marco hasn't even met her, this is just a game to him, but Thatch's serious, damnit!!!

Thatch wishes he could be petty enough to lie and say the bauble is a gift from Thatch, but he can't, because as much of an asshole as Marco can be, Thatch still loves him. Sigh.

Luffy chooses that moment to slide across the deck to them like a playful sea lion, slamming into Ace's legs and snaking up him in a split second to peer over his shoulder at whatever her brother's looking at in Thatch's hand. Ace isn't fazed and doesn't even twitch.

Thatch sighs dramatically. Adorable little brothers and their adorable little brother^2s, damnit.

Thatch dutifully presents the little stone to Luffy, as Ace warns her not to drop it, it's gonna feel a bit weird ok. Thatch lets Ace take over rattling off the information he'd just conveyed, doing his own duty as Older Brother, and is instead transfixed by the way Luffy's eyes widen in wonder as she rolls the shiny thing from one hand to the other.

While Luffy's not really the type for jewelry or trinkets, it's clear she's enthralled by the stone, the way she is with few inanimate objects other than food. Thatch belatedly notices that the stone's a brilliant crystal teal, with shards of gold obscuring the dark seastone center, the same color as someone's Zoan form. Bastard.

"Who's it from?" Luffy asks, and Thatch knows he's told her about his crew before, but she's unlikely to have remembered any names.

He may not lie about who the gift's from, but it doesn't mean he can't take revenge.

"A pineapple man who can turn into a burning chicken," he says with a straight face, ignoring Ace's frantic gestures to abort.

Thatch finds out why moments later, as Luffy's eyes widen impossibly more, and he belatedly realizes that to Luffy (and probably only Luffy), he'd just made Marco sound like the coolest person on earth.

Thatch meets Ace's furious eyes apologetically even as Luffy's COOOOOL!!!!!! rips across deck, and they both sigh.

They're not looking forward to Luffy meeting Marco

~~

~~

Hope you enjoyed! As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated and encourage me to create more for this AU! ^ ^

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

Read the next part: Marco’s Bauble, Part 2

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[captain-barnes-writes]

Someone Like You [3/6]

Summary: In which Sebastian tries to win you back a year and a half after your relationship’s rupture, but only because there’s a new man in your life. [Part 3]

(Mini-series)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Latina

Warning: Angst (lotssss), language, 18+, future chapters will include smut (just warning y'all!) ; not proofread 

Word count: 1.5k

Three months had glided by after that late night and Sebastian would be a liar if he said it hadn’t been a hassle to complete a simple task without a single thought of you. You were a brazen and permanent mark that he couldn’t erase no matter how hard he tried to rub you off.

A month after the one music video had been released, another one came. With the same Hispanic Bachata artist, this time for a different song. You were speaking Spanish in the beginning of the video, taking him back to the times you used to cuss him out in Spanish out of anguish and anger he’d make you feel. But also at the sweet words you’d utter in the language that was so foreign to him. It was for those first few seconds of the video that he was able to form a small smile as your sweet voice floated through his ears. He was smiling at the little rasp that your voice had and the slight squint of your eyes as you threw your head back in laughter, dark curls and dark eyes.

That little smile was quickly wiped off when the frame tuned to that of the singer who still couldn’t keep his hands off you and it made his blood boil over in rage. The dimples indented on the fuck-face were on full display as the full smile he wore didn’t vanish throughout the entire video. He couldn’t blame the man for beaming as if he’d won the lottery because quite frankly being in your presence felt quite like it.

It was another plotless video and made no sense, he deemed that the singer used this opportunity to get as close to you as possible yet again. You wore yet another dress, a tiny yellow sundress and your feet bare on the hot sand. The tropical theme had you on the beach, under a cabana and even on the sea shore. 

You were dancing so eloquently and freely, hands so conscious of every movement your hip would make that they would move with ease. Two steps to the left and a slight jut of your hip and you’d do the same for the right. Dark curls bouncing with every movement you’d make. The man had wrapped his arms around your waist and proceeded to dance with you while singing the lyrics so precisely. He was going crazy at the thought of what could happen after the cameras had shut off, of what was happening in real life. He wondered, in a crazed manner, if you were showing him the same type of attention as in the videos.

Was he touching you?

Was he kissing you?

Were you letting him?

His girlfriend shifted on her side of the bed, squirming and sprawled her hand on his bare chest. His eyes shifted towards her sleeping figure, her body positioned on her stomach and head lazily on the soft pillows, and her breathing was so calm. He’d been in a haze and had almost forgotten where he was. It was a weekday in New York and since their fast-paced romance had been caught on camera there was no need to tip toe around the city anymore so they were at his own place. There was no longer a need to only spend time at her place.

She was kind and funny, brought him a sense of comfort. But it didn’t compare to what you’d given him. It was just that she had the label of girlfriend and you hadn’t. The thought tugged at his heart. 

It was probably something truly sick and twisted as the sleeping and unknowing woman beside him breathed so softly in her sleep as he laid wide awake on his side with his phone grasped at his hand; the dim screen showing his searches filled with your name. His video search engine filled with your name too. He watched with his ear buds embedded in his ear, listening to your soft and nervous voice during interviews. The dark curls, your glowing skin and those gleaming brown eyes that were yet again driving him to the brink. His current situation was driving him towards a road of destruction if he kept this up.

God, what the hell was wrong with him. You consumed his every thought. Swirling and parading through his head like floating clouds of ethereal goodness. The last few months had been slightly arduous for him because in many ways he’d felt every single thing you had felt while you’d been with him. Angst, jealousy and an overwhelming tight feeling in his chest. He understood now.

He thought back to all the rumors, images and videos of you and that artist that had surfaced for the last few months. It wasn’t only an innocent, paid-job of being part of his two music videos but it seemed to have transpired into something more. The pictures of your dinner dates spread like wildfire through the media, people were shipping you and the fuckface already for god's sake. You were smiling so genuinely, straying behind the unbelievably successful man who donned an equally large smile. His hand was outstretched behind him, reaching for yours as the flashing cameras illuminated the both of you.

Huffing under his breath, he pressed the off button on his phone, removed the earbuds and placed both on the nightstand. He was tired and didn’t want to think anymore.

And as for you, you laid awake in bed as well in your New York home. The man beside you had barely gotten off you a few minutes ago and had already fallen asleep. His soft snores were invading the solemn quiet space of your bedroom.

Romeo Santos. He was handsome and romantic, sweeping you completely off your feet. And his voice? Talented and beautiful beyond belief. You’d started listening to his music in your teen years, and even though he was a lot older now, he still looked just as good as he had all those years ago. He was a good ten years older than you, a hefty number, but you liked it. Experienced, mature and with their shit together; at least that’s what you expected out of men who were nearly pushing the threshold of 40.

You couldn’t believe your luck at having gotten the call to be part of his music video during your vacation in the Dominican republic. You had said yes within a few seconds. Your instagram pictures showing off your well-deserved girls trip in the Caribbean region had probably gotten back to the Domincan artist, whom you’d noticed had already been following you.

The music video was out of your comfort zone, per say, as it included scenes that were rather risque for you. The lingerie and the steamy scenes on the crimson red bed had been rather intimidating upon reading the short script, but he’d made you feel comfortable.

And even while thinking back to those few months when you had met the handsome man beside you, your thoughts drifted back to another man who was two years shy of pushing 40.

Sebastian.

You wondered if he had seen your recent movie that had truly been the inception of your career, after only getting small roles, and if he saw recent announcements of roles you’d gotten for future films. It might’ve been vain, but you wanted him to see you. To appreciate you for once because it still hurt you so deeply that you had felt inadequate with him. You’d been at his beck and call for so long that you had finally mustered up whatever leftover pride you had and left his life. The situation had left you fragile, but you’d regained pieces of yourself and built your strength upon self love and your promise to never let another man use you.

Sebastian hadn’t been a bad person to you, he just had issues he needed to solve on his own. His commitment issues weren’t for you to fix. You got to know him as a lover and maybe as a friend too. But the moments you remembered most were those shared in your old apartment, on your bed. He’d been an incredible lover who wasn’t by any means selfish during your many nights together. You were lucky if you got a few hours of sleep with him around. He was insatiable. He always wanted you, was always kissing you and wanting some form of contact with you. You’d joked with him that he was like glue.

“You’re like glue, Seb. Get off me.” You laughed at the muscular, bare-chested man who was toppled on you. His hands were on your bare waist as his blue eyes traced over your face.

“And what about it?” He responded, big hands squeezing the fleshy sides of your hips and managed to give a slap to your naked behind. You shrieked in response, mouth and eyes agape.

“By glue I mean you’re making me all sticky and you won’t stop touching me!”

“You know you like it. Stop complaining.” He nuzzled his face into your neck, not even bothered at your protest.

His lips took hold of the sensitive skin below your ear, tongue lapping over the area he knew drove you crazy. Your soft mewls were the driving force to all his touching. He loved the sound of your breathy moans, your long nails scratching his back and the angelic reaction that would overtake your features. Mouth slightly ajar, gleaming eyes meeting his in silent pleas and the widening of your legs granting him the access he so needed.

“You see...That’s exactly why I’m like glue.” And you had nodded in response.

You found yourself thinking of him. Again. It was unfair that after all the progress you’d made to forget the man who’d always take your breath away, he still managed to do so even in your mind.

And as you took the phone from your nightstand, you did the one thing you didn’t think you’d ever do.

You unblocked Sebastian’s instagram.

(To be continued)

----

This chapter felt like a filler tbh. Next chapter will be the real deal ;))) Bringing my other favorite Avenger 

And do y’all know Romeo Santos? He’s a legendddd!

Let me know what you think :)

[hermannsthumb]

From horny twitter: Hermann writes a very very detailed review of a vibrator online

not sfw below cut!!!!!!!!!!! 

----------------------------

Now, usually, Newt doesn’t mess around when he’s on the clock, because that’d be very unprofessional of him and that’s totally not who he is, but he’s in a little bit of a rut with his current project and could use the distraction. Online shopping is his favorite go-to distraction these days: he can lose himself in size charts and color options and hunts for coupon codes and forget, even for a few minutes, that the end of the world is accelerating towards them at an intimidating rate. Plus, he can write off half his shit as work-related expenses. Win-win. Though maybe not this particular search.

Newt has a pretty reliable arsenal of sex toys he’s used on rotation since he packed up and shipped across the world for the PPDC, but the ten-year warranty vibe he’s used since PhD #3 (and his favorite of the bunch) finally crapped out on him last week after a historically intense fight with Hermann got him historically wound up. Eleven years ain’t bad. After testing out a different charger, poking around in the wiring, and even going so far as to zap it a few times with some sorta-stolen drift tech to see if it stirred any life back into it, he finally decided it was time to just mourn, move on, and buy a new one. (Even if, unfortunately, his particular favorite model was discontinued when the company’s factory was destroyed in a kaiju attack and they never quite managed to recover. More casualties of the war.)

The sex toy market is truthfully booming during the apocalypse. It makes sense, Newt guesses—anything for a distraction. Personally, for Newt, orgasms tend to dampen his own existential dread, even if it’s just for a few minutes. He scrolls idly through a few Top Ten For 2023 listicles on various sex magazine websites to see if anything jumps out at him (some of the recommended toys are dildos he already has, and vibes that are a little beyond his k-sci paycheck), just hoping for something to jump out at him. Apparently he missed out on a limited-edition run of jaeger and kaiju-themed vibes and dildos that came out in early January, which he’s honestly a little pissed about—he’s the top expert on kaiju biology, god damn it! Didn’t anyone want to consult with him about their hypothetical junk? Accuracy matters.

“It’s all off,” Newt mutters grumpily as he examines a 360 view of one of the kaiju dildos. Trespasser. “It’s not even the right color. Fucking amateurs. Did they even try?”

“What are you doing?” Hermann says.

Newt slams his laptop shut. Hermann decided to cut his lunch break short today, apparently. “Shopping,” he says.

“You sounded awfully angry about something, is all,” Hermann says. He clacks over to his half of the lab and shrugs off his big parka, then pauses. “Do you need to...talk about it?”

“No,” Newt says.

Hermann breathes out in obvious relief. “Good,” he says.

He takes his usual spot at his chalkboard and resumes his calculating. Newt re-opens his laptop and scrolls away from Trespasser before he can make himself angry over anatomical inaccuracies again. The jaeger vibes from the collection are pretty cool, actually; the designs are a lot cleaner, and their artistic license is a lot more forgivable. The highest-rated of the set is one obviously (but not enough to invoke copyright infringement, if that can even exist for a jaeger) modeled off of Coyote Tango, with like, a million different settings, and an astronomical cost to match. Newt eyes it enviously. He could be shoving that up his ass right now if he’d just signed up for a stupid email list last year.

He follows the link to Amazon to read through some of the reviews enviously, too. Life-changing; best money ever spent; warranty lasts a lifetime. Ten stars across the board. Sold out, obviously. No idea when it’ll be back in stock. He could get the Striker Eureka model for twice the original cost as when it came out, if he wanted, but the idea of constantly having to associate the twenty-something punk Hansen kid with his intimate affairs makes him shudder.

A nine-star review for the Coyote Tango model from someone named MathLover69 is the only one to make Newt really pause, on account of how absolutely insane it is.

I saved quite a few paychecks to purchase this vibrator, and though the cost is steep, I must say it is absolutely worth it. As opposed to my normal vibrator (here another vibe is linked, and Newt’s eyebrows jump at that price, too), which has only five settings, an admittedly bulky body, and average battery life, the CT2023 has a generous ten, a sleeker design, and charges fully in a matter of minutes. The orgasms I have experienced while using it are higher in quality (and more numerous) than any resulting previously from masturbation, though I have not tried beyond setting six yet. It also works wonders for stress relief. (I have an incredibly irritating colleague, and nothing calms me down so much as a quick round with the CT2023 after a spat with him.)

The body is versatile enough to be either inserted into one’s—

Newt feels heat rise to his cheeks in spite of himself, and he skims the second paragraph of MathLover69’s review to get the gist of it—that there are, uh, plenty of ways to utilize the vibe, that it’s discreet and small enough to wear to work (if you were inclined to do so, as MathLover69 implies he might’ve been) and that when combined with the Yamarashi dildo, the pleasurable experience increased tenfold. Talk about oversharing. Jeez.

My only complaint would be that the design is a poor approximation of the real Coyote Tango, and for that I’ve docked a star. I would recommend this product.

“This guy is a total nut,” Newt says to himself.

“Hm?” Hermann says.

Newt considers the implications of showing Hermann the vibrator listing: Hermann will know he was shopping for sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys during working hours a mere ten feet away from him. Embarrassing, but on the other hand, MathLover69’s review is too funny to not share with someone else. “Hey, Hermann,” Newt says, angling his laptop towards Hermann. “Look. Who comments shit like this?”

Hermann descends his ladder carefully and inches up behind Newt’s shoulder, squinting at his laptop screen. He immediately turns bright red. Newt must’ve offended his Victorian sensibilities with the mere suggestion of self-abuse. “Oh,” he says. “Er.”

“Way TMI,” Newt says. “Listen to this line. ‘With the Yamarashi toy inserted into one’s mouth, and the CT2023 inserted up one’s—'”

“Well, how else is one meant to review a masturbatory aid?” Hermann snaps, surprising Newt. He looks oddly flustered. “Details can be—er—helpful. Can’t they?”

“Sure, dude,” Newt snorts. “Except they’re obviously just screwing with people. They literally have a 69 in their username.” He taps at the MathLover69, and doesn’t mention—on behalf of Hermann’s delicate mathematician feelings—that the MathLover part is obviously meant as a joke too.

“Well,” Hermann says. “Perhaps it’s just his—er, their birthdate.”

Newt turns around to stare at Hermann, taking in his red cheeks, his red ears, and the gaze he’s fixed steadily on his shoes. It’s all Newt can do to not to gape at him. “Hermann, you’re kidding,” he says. “Right?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Hermann says.

“You didn’t,” Newt says.

“I,” Hermann stammers. “Well—”

“I didn’t even know you—”

“That I what?” Hermann says.

Newt gives a half-shrug. Hermann doesn’t seem the type to engage in any sort of vice, let alone this kind. And especially not with the type of sex toys he apparently gravitates towards. (If Newt was a little bolder, and had a little less shame and care for hygiene, he might ask to check out the Yamarashi, because anatomical inaccuracies aside, wow that sounds awesome.) “I mean, you know,” Newt says. “You’re kinda you. No offense.”

Hermann takes offense. “I am human,” he says. “I am allowed to masturbate, Newton, and I was merely attempting to educate other customers about the—product—with my thoroughness.” He adds, awkwardly, “My review was voted very helpful, as you can see.”

“Okay,” Newt says with a grin. “I get it. Sorry.”

Hermann marches back over to his side of the lab with a scowl. Newt waits until he’s sure Hermann’s not watching him, and is too distracted by muttering angrily under his breath, to bookmark MathLover69’s page of reviews.

It turns out (as Newt revisits the page later that night, in the privacy of his bunk) Hermann buys and reviews a truly staggering amount of dildos and sex toys, and on top of that, has absolutely zero filter behind the wall of anonymity. It’s to the extent that some of his reviews read like goddamn sexts.

It took me three occasions to successfully work myself up to taking in the entire length…

My orgasm was so pleasurable I alarmed my colleague with the noise I made, who believed me to have injured myself…

The highest vibration setting is a bit of a disappointment…

These are excellent for double penetration…

It also turns out Hermann is a veritable sex fiend. Or at least a masturbation fiend. Judging by his reviews alone, Hermann’s purchased more than a dozen different toys in the past three years alone. That’s four a year. One every three months. That’s not even including buttplugs, which (according to other reviews) he sometimes just wears into the lab (“work”) for the hell of it, which Newt isn’t even going to think about right now. How the hell has Hermann kept this much of his life under wraps? When the hell does he have time to jerk off as much as he apparently does? No wonder they never seem to have any fucking funding; all of Hermann’s paychecks are funneled directly into his—well.

Newt recalls the faux-injury incident Hermann mentioned in a comment with mild embarrassment. No wonder Hermann had been so weird and flushed when he opened his door, and made excuses to say bye to him so quickly—Newt just caught him (oh, boy) immediately following the best orgasm of his life. Well, mild embarrassment, and a little more than mild arousal. What Newt would’ve given to have been there five minutes earlier, to watch Hermann in the act of the best orgasm of his life, to maybe even be the one to cause it…

What Newt would give to use Hermann’s fancy-shmancy vibrator on him, or literally anything from his giant masturbatory arsenal. Or even just watch him use it on himself. Hermann’s just so damned buttoned-up and uptight—it’s all about the contradictions. Juxtapositions. Newt unzips his jeans and sticks his hand down his boxers. “Stupid Hermann,” he moans, as he begins to bring himself off to the image of Hermann with that stupid kaiju dildo down his throat and that stupid jaeger vibe up his ass. Negotiator of peace between the two? Stupid joke, stupid Hermann. Or maybe he’s picturing Hermann showing up to the lab, all plugged up and loose from using a different vibe on himself that morning. Or maybe Hermann pushing two dildos into himself at once. How the hell can he even manage that? Ass his size— “Oh, goddamn it,” Newt moans again, and comes all over his hand.

Whatever. It’s not like Hermann’s ever going to find out about this.

[wsminho]

solo 2 / august 2021 / 697 w

tldr: minho reacts to his own debut! cute! too bad it was really late and baby bear is sleepy.

A jaunty tune plays, fading as the trainee spins around in his chair, overzealous, and narrowly missing in his attempt to grab the table in front of him to stop. He spins again, giggling, and successfully brings himself to a pause. 

Curled up in a plain white hoodie he can’t remember buying ( maybe he borrowed it from another trainee? It couldn’t be Hyeon’s since he was allergic to wearing anything that wasn’t black. Maybe Subin hyung’s? ), Jang Minho smiles into the camera. He waves and bows in his chair, hood falling forward to cover his head. 

“Hi, everyone!” 

He pauses, glancing around, looking sheepish. He lowers his voice to a softer tone. “Hi, everyone~ It’s kind of late right now, but I’m going to be reacting to some videos today. Specifically, two!” He paused to giggle in excitement, flapping his arms around.

“Blue.M’s debut is today!”

A flurry of squeaky sound effects play as the trainee wiggles in the chair, almost falling off in his excitement. He makes excited noises as he shakes and shimmies in the rolling chair. 

“Isn’t that the most exciting thing ever! Our music videos, yes two videos, get released at midnight, so I stayed behind to react to it live! Well, this has to get edited by the PD-hyungs, so it’ll probably come out after the music videos do, but I’m with you in spirit!”

He pulls his phone out of his hoodie pocket to show his phone. The background is of a dog he met in the park last week, a big golden retriever named Noodle. He shakes it in front of the camera, waiting for the camera to brighten and showcase the time: 11:55pm. 

“Five more minutes! It was really fun to film both music videos. Our title track is Bloom Bloom, which is really upbeat and cute. We got to play baseball. I’ve never played baseball before, but it was a lot of fun! The props on set were really pretty too, I liked all the flowers and the little space ship!” He plays with his sleeves as he talks. “We also filmed a music video for Humph!, which also had baseball! I think our PD really likes baseball. I got to play a referee and got my own whistle. Can you whistle? I can’t, so getting one was nice.”

He purses his lips together and attempts to whistle. Nothing comes out except for a breathy wheeze. He tries again. He fails again. 

Nevertheless, he smiles brightly. “Hyeonnie and Subinnie hyung were really funny in Humph! They played rivals and pretended to fight. It was really cute!”

At midnight, a cute alarm goes off. “It’s here!”

Minho taps away on the laptop in front of him. His eyes shine brightly as he finds the music video. He presses play, letting the opening notes of Bloom Bloom fill the studio. 

At the bottom left corner of the screen, a screen recording of the music video appears for fans to watch alongside Minho.

Every now and then, he sings along or comments on different scenes.

“We got to play baseball on set during breaks! I was really bad at making any goals, though.”

“Hyeonnie looks so cool here, doesn’t he? I love his hair color.”

“Subinnie hyung is so good at singing! Isn’t his voice so pretty? It’s one of my favorites.”

“Goal!!!”

A small text appears on the screen: We’ve informed Minho that you don’t score goals in baseball.

“Wasn’t it such a great music video? I’m going to put on Humph now!”

The scene cuts, and suddenly the white hoodie is gone, replaced with a t-shirt and fluffy bunny headband. Minho rubs his eyes, yawning sweetly. “Um. Where was I?” He peers closer at the laptop in front of him, bunny ears flopping forward. “It’s 4 am? But it was just midnight?” 

He blearily leans in, squinting at the clock. 

“Did I film my reaction to Humph? I can’t remember. But I had a really cool dream, it included ghosts and Miles hyung and Kiha hyung and—” 

The screen abruptly cuts to black as large white text scroll across the scene: The artist fell asleep while filming. Please go to bed when it’s bedtime Minho-yah.  

[tisthepoetl]

There are many stressors in a modern day lifestyle.

Usually these include the looming threat of death, the monotony of working for currency that stopped being useful years ago and deer.

There are so, so many stressed people. Made worse by the apocalypse that didn’t happen, the riots that most definitely happened, and the negotiations that have been “in progress” for the last few years.

The amount of rapid budget changes are stressing out some people. The amount of rapid cultural exchange is stressing people out. If you work in any field, any field at all, you are likely to be stressed as all hell.

Eventually, they have to pick someone on the ship to be shown as an expert negotiator. No one is prepared for this. Most of them are middle men, most of them don’t have a clue what they’re supposed to be doing, and all of them are panicking.

So they drew straws. The most important decision of all time is made by dumb luck, and honestly that’s a pretty good metaphor for everything happening right now.

Name someone on their haphazard crew and they will have a conflict of interest. Name one member and they will be grossly under qualified.

America has four ambassadors out of the eight chosen. Not because they’re the most presentable, or the most qualified, or the best possible choice, but because they overpaid for a privilege nobody wanted.

If all of this goes to hell they're getting the blame. And if they get the blame the only plan is to point at whoever was voluntold to be leader and pray for leniency.

Every part of this is a desperate attempt to stall before the actual powers back home have found a way to bullshit having any actual control of things.

It shows.

It really, really shows.

So, who was the unlucky scapegoat for the possible downfall of all of humanity?

If you guessed Samantha who wasn’t supposed to even be on this ship, you would be correct!!

Seriously, she was the back up for someone who was almost conceivably qualified. Sort of, if you squinted and ignored the fact they were only there via nepotism, only to be pulled out once everyone realized they were sacrificial lambs.

And then the replacement was also saved from this bullshit via bribery and blackmail and probably some other third sketchy thing she doesn’t know about.

So, here she is, Samantha who had planned on changing her name before realizing she wasn’t getting out of this. Samantha, the replacement for the replacement who was chosen by a lottery held only for the illusion of equal opportunity.

There are literally billions and billions of people whose lives will be affected by whatever she ends up doing. Countless children, parents, lovers and friends and siblings. All of whom would either die or live by whatever ends up happening.

Luckily, she has one coping mechanism which never fails: Repression!!

So she thinks about literally anything else. Thinks about her favorite song as the ship nears the giant towering shape of the Galactic Senate’s meeting place. Thinks about fluffy dogs as she is led by the hand through walls and portraits and treasures with descriptions she can’t read because there are no translators yet.

Thinks about her mother, thinks about her sibling, thinks about the fact everyone could literally die and it would be her fault, and wow she’s already here.

The meeting place has a mouthful name that she could only pronounce if she managed to dislocate her jaw, grow a new set of teeth, and get a proboscis. Everyone calls it the Meeting Place, because again, there are no working translators, they all have to rely on vague equivalents.

The Meeting Place is a moon sized ship, so incomprehensibly large that any species will be able to fit. It has a dock, and a large empty room with nothing in it except for alien leaders who could slaughter them all at a whim.

There are no chairs. The temperature is set to “Mildly unpleasant but liveable.” Unity and democracy means that everyone is equally uncomfortable, because this exact temperature is workable for most species.

Samantha feels a chill down her spine, both from the cold and the fact that so many of them are glaring at her. She is in the center, her crew is placed too far away to help her, and their borrowed ship is miles away from where they are now.

She prays to the gods she doesn’t believe in and hopes she can stall well enough for the clusterfuck back home to get their shit together.

“H…” she starts eloquently. She tries to refind where the rest of humanity’s first impression was stationed, but her view is blocked by the hundreds of giant aliens. “He..llo?” she finishes.

There’s a click, and she flinches back because what if that’s a weapon. A small cube clatters to the ground in front of her, before popping up and showing a hologram.

She would be visibly impressed, in awe, if it weren’t for the fact she’s half sure these diplomats could take any reaction as an insult.

She wouldn’t be able to explain herself either, it’s too early for any sort of translator to have been made, it’s too early for anything about human body language to be common knowledge.

The crowd surrounding her rustles, fins are raised and noises are made and colors are changed. It means something, probably, but she can’t tell what.

The hologram cube makes a loud, ear splitting sound, like a mix between a flatlining heart in a movie and a fire alarm going off. It snaps her out of her spiraling.

There are two large lines pointing at a screen that is pulsing with the most neon red she’s ever had the unfortunate luck of seeing. She stares at it, and realizes it’s a quiz.

Well, more like a shitty rushed powerpoint. Like something you would make in under an hour for the fun of it.

It says, “What Human Want [Ask],” and she has the sneaking suspicion that whoever made this wasn’t trying very hard. Underneath are barely recognizable butcherings of numbers, listing answers from one to three.

“1. Want hurt. Want no us. Lone want.”

“1nd. Want love. Want share. Want us help.”

“1rd. Want no meet us. Want late meet. Want lone.”

All of it is….confusing to say the least. At this point she doesn’t even know if this is a joke or not.

Then again this wasn’t supposed to be her job, she doesn’t understand them either, and maybe they were genuinely trying here. But then again there are so many of them, they probably have enough resources to make at least a dozen Earths and this meeting took multiple years to take place.

The red that flashed before flashes again, than flashes a disturbingly real fingerprint on top of the answers.

She presses the second one, and wills herself to not regret it immediately. Love, sharing, help, all of that sounds good.

Except what if the help is from humanity? What if their definition of help, share, love is killing everyone ever living and she just doomed it all?? What if it means—

“[Greeting] [Greeting Happy] [Greeting Love] [Greeting Happy Angry Bored] [Greeting (Deragotory)]” a voice drones through a translation of the crowd. Samantha wonders when this will be over, and if she’s going to die of anxiety before that happens.

“[Greeting Small Childish] [Greeting Sad Fear] [Greeting (Endeared)] [Greeting Pain Hurt] [Greeting Love Fear Pain]” it doesn’t stop, running through every risen scale and moving limb to translate some vague approximation.

The aliens have translators. The translators are awful. This is taking so much time, which is good for the mission of stalling and bad for Samantha’s sanity.

“[Species Name (Derogatory)] [Mother (Derogatory)] [Criminal (Deragot—]“ the whole crowd is making noise, some like barks and some like tweets and some like a monster out of hell.

And all of them seem to be arguing? Or insulting each other? Either way it continues on for a long stretch of time with nothing but noisy aliens and a robotic voice reciting nonsense that always ends in “(Derogatory.)”

“[Wrong: Too long.] [Wrong: Too fast.] [Wrong: No word Human.]” The sounds are longer, most of the crowd making them rising and puffing out to be bigger. “[Plea Slow.] [No Word for Our Word.] [New Local Child Pet Ally speak.] [No word for Our Word.]”

Samantha realizes once again, that she should’ve left when she had the chance. And never entered that stupid lottery.

“[I hate every single one of you.] [Stop! The Ally-New-Child-Local may hear.] [You are all stupid [Species Name]]” the noises transition into understandable sentences. “[The small Diplomat-Traveler will be confused. Stop.] [They are doing fine. They will not understand our words.] [When is that useless translator going to update, Myy-Rrr-Pl?]”

Humanity as a whole can only take so much. One human as a whole can only take so much. She is halfway to a mental breakdown, fully confused and honestly she just wants to go home. This is the kind of wonder she would love if she didn’t have to personally deal with the consequences.

So she goes the way of most unqualified, underpaid workers, and gives up. She isn’t going to scream or sabotage anything, but her ability to feel was already warring with the tempting concept of not giving a fuck.

She speaks, for the second time. “I can hear you. And I don’t much appreciate being called a child.”

“[.....]” the crowd is finally silent. She basks in the peace.

“[I told you to stop confusing the Ambassador.] [Shut up Myy-Rrr-Pl. You didn’t even get these made right, we had to make a presentation, that’s how awful you and your tech were.] [It's working now, okay?]” The peace was lovely while it lasted.

“Humanity wants, uh, to not be dead,” she says. “And to not be enslaved either. Or like used as food.”

“[Can you understand it?] [Of course I can, I’m the one who learned the language.] [You barely learned it. You put half that presentation into a free-use translator.]” they keep talking, keep barking, chirping, hissing over her. “[This is a disaster.] [It’s not that bad. My presentation went over well enough.] [Myy-Rrr-Pl shut your beak about that [intercourse (derogatory)] thing.]”

“CAN YOU BE QUIET FOR ONE SECOND??” Samantha shouts above the arguing ambassadors. There is only so much she can tolerate, the noise alone is irritating but the senseless, contextless bickering is unbearable

“This is ridiculous,” she continues. “I don’t even know what’s going on, none of you dropped us an explanation. Why can I suddenly understand you? Who the hell is Meer-er-pull? And what the fuck is going on?”

There is no more translation, and nothing to translate into constant robotic rambling. There is no peace in the silence, just an underlying tension as every alien in the room turns to stare her in the eyes.

She wonders if she’s fucked up, if she’s doomed literally all of humanity because she couldn’t tolerate it all and lashed out. There’s an apology on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t manage to push it out through the indignation and fear.

No one breaks the silence. None of them speak. Samantha’s momentary confidence wavers and she considers making a run for it before realizing there are more of those giant aliens stationed at every exit.

“[....Aumko, I think we may have [intercourse (deragotory)] this beyond fixing.] [Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory) Feces (Derogatory)—]” Luckily, it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be executed for this. Unluckily, the aliens are just as unprepared as they were, and it wasn’t going to get any less confusing, was it?

“[I told you [Anatomical Feature (Exapserated)] that we should’ve started with a smaller group of diplomats. Instead of a “proper” meeting with everyone involved, we should’ve picked one from each of the 3 species, then gone from there. That would’ve been—]”

“I’m not getting any less confused here!!” Samantha cuts off the alien. “I’m not getting any younger either, I’m sick of your childish bickering, get over it and give me an explanation. Please, for the love of god.”

There’s a moment of pause as the translator spits out a bunch of meaningful white noise. It takes a couple moments before one of the birds speaks up.

“[We should cancel this until another time,] the bird chirps. Which isn’t satisfying, which isn’t an explanation, but hey it does technically fulfill the mission of stalling. And honestly she’s taking any win she can get from this. “[We’ll meet up with one of their diplomats, in a less noisy location. They’ll meet with one ambassador from each of our species.]

“[That doesn’t make sense though!!] [How will we even choose?] [A smaller meeting would be a sign of disrespect, we must show that we don’t view the New-Ally as lesser.]” the noise starts up again immediately.

“[SHUT UP!!]” roars one of the giant bears in a show of irritation that she can relate to on a spiritual level. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl will serve as the [Error: No suitable translation]’s ambassador. I’ll be the second ambassador. The third will be Kss’ta.]

There are ruffled feathers, low growls, no outward arguments but no agreements either.

“[I will quite literally fight anyone who decides to waste my time any further.] the bear is...puffing up? The mane of fur around its neck is puffed up like the pelt of an angry cat. “[Myy-Rrr-Pl is the only one who can even half speak the language, and who has the most context. Even if her presentation was awful.]”

“[I’m going to be there personally to ensure this doesn’t happen a second time. And Kss’Ta is the only one of you [Species Name] [Intercourse (Derogatory)] who doesn’t argue around in circles.”

The crowd is unhappier than ever. The bear speaking sounds done with it all. Samantha is too exhausted to give a shit at this point, and just decides to be glad it’s finally over, for now.

“[Is everyone here agreed with me?”] it flares about the room, ears pinned flat to its head and mane big enough to engulf the whole of its neck. All of the crowd flinches back, no one argues too vehemently, though complaints are muttered.

The bear turns to Samantha. “[You have my apologies for my own behavior, and the behavior of these [Species Name (Derogatory)]. We’ll escort your ship back to your station.]”

Relief hits her in a mix of “it’s finally over,” and “thank fuck no one died.”

Everyone leaves, with the mission sort of accomplished, with the peace talk sort of working, and a compromise no one is happy with. Except for Samantha.

But then she learns she’s the ambassador for humanity again, and a piece of her dies at the revelation.

Humanity’s welcome to the galaxy was chaotic, idiotic, ill prepared, and an overall clusterfuck of literally galactic proportions.

At least no one died.