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helliontherapscallion · 4 years ago

Note

Heya. I know that requests are closed and I totally respect if you ignore this because of that. Two hours ago my dog had a seizure and my mom and I are currently in the parking lot of the emergency vet waiting for an update. I’m normally “the rock” for my family (if that makes sense) when shit hits the fan, so I feel like I need to hide my panic so my mom doesn’t worry more. I claimed to need to use the restroom (there’s those portable bathrooms outside) but I’m actually just having a panic attack on a stairway nearby. Most of my friends are asleep or offline right now so I don’t have anyone to help ground me. I know my mom would, but she’s already dealing with enough. Your writing has never failed to calm me down or cheer me up, so I was wondering if you could maybe make headcannons or something about how texts or a quick phone call with the SBI would go and how they would help a teen friend who’s going through this situation.

I don’t want you to feel pressured to do this because of guilt or anything of the sort. I understand that requests are closed, but I thought it was worth shooting my shot. So it’s completely okay if you ignore this.

(A/N): I wrote this as fast as I could, so there might be a few mistakes here and there. I really hope your dog gets better soon and nothing major is wrong with them, I’ll keep you guys in my thoughts. If you wanna talk about it, my DMs are always open love <3

Warnings: mentions of dog seizures, vets, panic attacks

Your pleasant day had gone so wrong so fast

You had a blast hanging out with your neighbor and childhood friend Techno and his brothers

You spent most of the day at the park hanging out and generally goofing around

That was until you received a phone call from your mother

She was in a panic telling you to come home, telling you that there was something wrong with your dog

You quickly excused yourself by telling them that your mom wanted you home as soon as possible suddenly and ran home in tears when you were out of their line of sight

When you were running you could feel yourself being filled with dread

Your chest felt tight as you fought off a panic attack, you needed to be strong for your mom

You were her rock

It was only natural to comfort her, she helped you so much with your anxiety and panic attacks even when facing her own troubles and stress

So you did your best to stifle your panic

When you got home, you could hear the loud sobbing of your mother, the faint sound of heavy breathing, and rustling

The sight in the living room broke your heart

Your beloved pet was on the floor having a violent seizure while your mother was looking on in horror

You quickly took action, moving the stuff around the dog away from it

The only thing you could do was wait it out, so you made quick work of comforting your mother

After the seizure, your dog was looking around confusedly and whining slightly

He seemed very tired

Doing some research, you found out that it was best to let the dog rest after such a seizure because it takes a lot of energy out of it

The nearest emergency vet was about ten minutes away so you picked up your dog and escorted your mom to the car

You drove to the vet, your mom was too distraught to drive

The vet immediately took him in and got to work, leaving you and your mom in the car waiting for an update on the pooch

She had calmed down for the most part, but you could still feel the panic brewing in your chest threatening you with a full blown panic attack

You held it off so you could be strong for your mother, but you were spiraling and fast

When it got to the point where you couldn’t hold it back anymore, you quickly excused yourself to the portable bathrooms

You ducked into an abandoned staircase and the panic attack quickly reared its ugly head

Your breaths came out in short hyperventilations, your chest feeling like an elephant was sat on it

You couldn’t breathe

When it got to the point where you were dry heaving, you knew that this one wasn’t one that you could calm yourself down from

You had to call someone

Your mom was immediately out of question, even if she would gladly help you

In your point of view, she had enough to worry about

Your best bet would be to call Techno

You had extreme difficulty finding his contact because your vision was tunneled and blurred and your hands were shaking, but you eventually found it

He and his brothers should still be at the park

You felt guilty for calling, but you knew you needed help and Techno and his brothers were your best bet

“Hey (y/n), uh is everything alright with your mom? You left in a hurry.” Techno saw his twin and Tommy look at him in question. He wove them off.

He was only met with heavy breathing and sobbing from your end, which worried him to no end. He knew damn well about your anxiety and panic attacks, in fact he was the one that encouraged you to open up to your mom about it and ask her for therapy sessions. He’s calmed you down from enough panic attacks to know exactly what to do to help you.

“Hey you’re alright,” he cooed to you in a soft voice, “take deep breaths. Where are you?” His brothers looked at him in alarm. They also knew about your panic attacks as you were basically like another sibling to them. Wilbur grabbed the car keys and the three made a dash towards the family car.

“Techno…” Your breathless and strained whimper on the other end made his heart break for you. “Where are you?”

When you told him that you were at the nearby emergency vet, he could feel his heart sink. Your dog was growing older and older and his health was declining. That dog was with you two through thick and thin when your family got him in middle school. You were seniors in high school now, so that dog was old for his breed.

“We’re on our way, just hang on tight buddy. What’re five things you can see?”

After you got through the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you still were in the midst of an intense panic attack and it worried Techno to no end. Usually you would be calmed down by now. Luckily, they arrived at the vet and quickly found a parking space.

You could hear running coming towards you and looked up to see the brothers running towards you. Techno kneeled next to you and attempted to give you a smile, “we’re here. Is it okay for me to touch you?” At your nod, he grabbed your hand and put it on his chest. “Breathe with me, okay? Do you think you can do that for me?” You didn’t respond to him. Your hazy eyes darted to his face when he gently called your name and asked you again. You nodded making him smile at you, “good, we’re gonna do the 4-7-8 breathing technique,” he told you softly, “do you remember that? You breathe in through your nose for four seconds, hold it for seven, and exhale slowly through your mouth for eight. I’ll do it with you,” he took in a deep breath through his nose and you tried to follow suit but failed. Your breathing was just too erratic.

“Tech, I-I can’t. I…”

“Hey you can do this, I know you can. Let’s try again, it takes time to even out breathing.” He said something to his brothers you couldn’t hear and they ran off. “Deep breath in,” he breathed in and you tried to follow him, “hold,” you held in the breath for about two seconds, “and out,” the breath ripped itself from your lungs. “You’re doing so good, I’m proud of you (y/n).”

The breathing continued for a bit with you getting nowhere before you heard the boys return. They had a couple of ice cold water bottles in their hands. Techno let go of your hand and grabbed one of them. He turned to you with an encouraging smile, “okay, we’re gonna try something new. I’m gonna have you touch this, is that alright?”

You reached out with a shaky hand to touch the plastic and jolted slightly at the temperature, a gasp ripping itself from your lungs and your eyes focusing slightly better than before. “I’m gonna run this up and down your arms, focus on the feeling of the temperature and the feeling.” As he ran the bottle down your arms, you could feel your heart rate drop at the temperature and your heated skin cooling down. Your breathing eventually evens itself out leaving you panting and shakily reaching up to wipe at your tears.

“Are you good now?” You nodded and leaned against the brick wall tiredly. An open water bottle was put into your hands. You drank it and relished in the feeling of the ice cold drink slithering down your throat. It even heightened your senses.

Wilbur sat on your other side and slung an arm over your shoulders, giving you a side hug. Tommy sat across from you while Techno sat on your other side holding your hand, lazily rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Do you wanna talk about what caused this?” You nodded and told the three everything that happened today and why you were at an emergency vet.

After you finished telling them, Wilbur turned to give you a full hug. Your face was against his chest, faintly you noted that he smelled like grass with hints of earth. “He’s gonna be alright. He’s a fighter, do you remember when he ate that bee?” You nodded, remembering that even if he was swollen, his tail was still wagging and he was as happy as he could be. He recovered quickly from that, never once losing his excited and loving personality. You thought about how even in the car he was licking away your mother’s tears and nuzzling into your hand even though he was exhausted.

“That dog has lived through so much health shit,” Tommy chimed in, “a seizure isn’t gonna take him out anytime soon.”

They stayed there for a while with you giving you reassurances and reminiscing on stories of him until you felt better

Eventually you had to go back to the car to wait with your mother, so they left to go to their house

Your dog was returned to you and your mom with the instruction to give him some medicine and come back for further examination

They didn’t find the cause for the seizure, which bothered you but relieved you that he was alright

When you got home, it was late at night and you honestly felt so drained

The next day, your dog was still slightly tired but he was slowly returning to his playful nature as the day progressed

When you were laying in the grass in the backyard with him reading a book, you saw Techno poke his head over the fence and smile at you. “Hey, how’s (dog name)?”

You ran your fingers through his fur as he slept peacefully, “he’s doing better. The vet still doesn’t know what’s going on with him, but he’s still himself.”

“We’re having some cookies and lemonade over here, do you wanna come over? (Dog name) can come too.”

“You’re more than welcome, (y/n)!” You could hear Philza’s voice chime out from their backyard. You got up and (dog name) followed you into their backyard slowly. They were sitting at the picnic table that was there since you and Techno were kids. The paint had long since chipped and faded with each year that passed. Tommy loudly cheered while Wilbur and Philza gave you gentle smiles as you walked next to Technoblade.

You sat next to Techno and a glass of lemonade was placed in front of you. (Dog name) laid at your feet and resumed his nap. You grabbed a cookie and took a bite, humming at the taste of your favorite flavor dancing across your tongue.

Being with the family was something that always made your worries fade away into nothingness and get replaced by lighthearted and refreshing happiness. You spent most of the day laughing with the family and petting your sleeping dog. Everything was going to be okay with them.

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #philza x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #requests #hellion's requests #tw: swearing #tw: panic attack #tw: animal injury #tw: anxiety #tw: seizure

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shingia · 4 years ago

Note

Heya. I know this is very angsty of a request, but I saw the fic of characters reacting to their s/o who [tw] relapsed into self harm and was wondering if you would do some for asahi, ushijima, and oikawa?

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐩𝐭.𝟐

hi ! ofc you can honey <3 i hope these will bring you as much comfort as you need, and plz don’t hesitate to dm me if you need to talk to someone, or to reach out for help in any way. here’s a hug for you bcs you deserve it, love you 💗

also im sorry but i really couldn’t imagine asahi ever arguing with his s/o so i didn’t include this in his fic (he really is too precious)

warnings : mentions of self harm, one mention of blood, some self-depreciating thoughts. please do not read if any of these might trigger something, stay safe everyone <3

➾ 𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

asahi trusted you blindly. and everyday, he had to make an effort to persuade himself that you trusted him in return. you did of course, how could you not trust the one that had helped you through so much ?

but this wasn’t about trust ; it was about shame. because the last thing you wanted was to find in his eyes the anguish and fear as they were a few months ago. you couldn’t do that to him, yet you kept doing that to yourself.

however, you had the misfortune - which was more of a blessing really - to have a very observant boyfriend who cared about you. and he cared enough to gather the courage to finally ask you about what he had hoped you’d come to him for. sat next to you on the couch, he took the plunge.

« do you… do you remember when you promised to always come to me if you needed help ? ». there, he had said it. and from the way that his arm tightened encouragingly around your waist, you understood what he meant by this innocent question. he kept speaking : « you know i trust you, right ? i really do. but something tells me that maybe you forgot about this promise recently ».

each of his words was carefully chosen, more than usual. because even if he didn’t show you, he was terrified of messing up. the fact that you were reluctant to answer was enough for him to understand that he had guessed right. but what confirmed it was the single tear that slowly streamed down your cheek.

« oh angel, no, come here. come, you’re ok now… » he spoke in a tone that was more comforting that anything you had ever heard. his arms were wide open for you to snuggle in, and when they wrapped around you, his words replayed once again in your head. i’m ok now, i’m ok now… you repeated internally. and you were, asahi was a man of his words after all.

« i’m sorry for being weak » you finally said after a few seconds of silence, voice half-muffled by his embrace. his warm fingers traced the outline of your face, encouraging you to look up to him. not because he needed to see your face, he already knew it by heart, but because you needed to see his. « weak ? y-you’re the furthest thing from weak. how can i even put it..? you are one of the strongest person i know, and i wouldn’t be half the man i am today if it weren’t for you.

you wanted to thank him, but exhaustion took hold of your body before any word could leave your tight throat. and when you woke up - two hours later according to the clock - asahi was still there, holding you tight against his heart like a promise to never let go of you anymore.

➾ 𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

ushijima hated to waste time and energy on ‘petty fights’, as he liked to call them. but it was really frustrating to always feel like he avoided confrontation ; arguments were necessary in a relationship, and he didn’t seem to understand that.

whenever you got into fights, you were always the only one to get angry, which never failed to make you feel guilty afterwards. and eventually, this feeling of guilt started to become permanent, taking so much place in your brain that you had to sacrifice a part of the self-confidence you had built up the past months. but you didn’t know how much longer you could conceal it.

tonight was the first time you were sleeping together since your most recent fight, the one that had damaged you so badly. and you couldn’t lie, feeling his warmth next to you after about three days spent ignoring him almost felt like a reward. but a reward for what ? you were certainly not proud of what you had done, and you were terrified at the thought that he’d ever notice it. but unfortunately, your efforts to pretend like everything was ok were put to an end in the middle of the night, at about 3 am. something silly, really : ushijima had just turned around in his sleep, and his shoulder accidentally weighed on your wrist, making you hiss in pain. he immediately opened his eyes at the sound, his hand immediately finding its way to your side - he was always a light sleeper with you.

« are you ok ? » he asked, propping himself on an elbow, barely distinguishing your silhouette in the dark. « yeah, just my wrist. come on, let’s go back to sl- ». oh… that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. it was hard to gauge his reaction since you could not properly see his face, but since he sat on the bed as soon as you interrupted yourself, you understood that it had not fallen on deaf ears. « are you comfortable with me turning on the lights ? » he asked, obvious concern in his voice. saying yes was tempting, because you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him see you like this, vulnerable and ashamed.

ushijima accepted it of course, he knew he was not the best with words, so the least he could do was to make sure you were comfortable with whatever he decided to do. « is it ok if i hold you ? » he asked once again, his tone a bit more hesitant. the muscles in your jaw tensed at his words, it was more than ok, or at least you wanted to give it a try, but the worry you had caused him was bringing you back to the familiar feeling of guilt.

however, when he carefully made you rest on top of him like he had always done, something inside you felt healed to know that whatever you were going through did not impact every aspect of your life. his embrace felt the same, so did his heaving chest that rocked your body to sleep every night. surprisingly enough, you did not shed a tear. because the comfort finally felt stronger than the pain, you refused to let anything trouble this moment.

« are you ready to talk about it ? » he questioned, his voice rumbling like a soothing storm in his chest « or do you prefer to wait until tomorrow ? ».

ushijima might have avoided many discussions with you, but this one ? he simply refused to. and if he was more than ready to help you overcome your pain, he also knew not to pressure you into talking. words would come, eventually. but actions were always first.

➾ 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

despite his usually confident behavior, oikawa knew he had a tendency to second-guess each and every one of his actions, and to beat himself up quite often.

he could not remember the last time he had felt so utterly disgusted by himself, he was usually more careful with his words. but all it took was one angry outburst from him for you to withdraw into yourself - and he had to fix this as soon as possible.

luckily for him, your relationship was strong enough not to be too affected by this argument - which had not been your first, but definitely the biggest one. however, you had been affected. a lot actually. but you knew better than to talk to him about this, knowing that he would obviously take the blame for your relapse.

but oikawa was attentive, and, clever as he was, it did not take long for him to guess what you were going through when he saw the red-stained tissues in the bathroom trash. it had been two weeks since your fight, and just the thought that he had left you alone with your struggles for so long made him want to throw up.

without wasting any more second, he burst out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where you were absent-mindedly watching a movie. he would have preferred to have a discussion with you with a clear head, but the sight of the tissues kept spiraling in his head and he was incapable of doing anything else but to pull you in for a hug whose suddenness made you gasp.

oikawa’s hugs were usually soft, with little kisses here and there and a few compliments chuckled in your ear. but today had nothing to do with those. his arms were engulfing your figure in a desperate need to feel you against him, like he was trying to make up for all the time he had left you alone. « i’m so sorry, so sorry baby… can you forgive me ? » he breathed out, his voice cracking with emotion. obviously you knew what he was referring to, how could you not know ? and just like him, the thousand words on your mind only transcribed in your arms wrapping around him, closing the last few millimeters that separated you as you frantically nodded your head yes.

you did not think he had anything to be forgiven for, and sadly, you also knew that he would continue to blame himself no matter what your answer had been. that was actually your biggest motivation to begin your recovery journey. oikawa needed to know that, from now on, you’d turn to him instead of your old habits. and you wanted nothing more than to make him happy, so, since his happiness seemed to depend on yours, it could be considered a package deal towards a better future, together.

before you leave, here are links to two mental health support apps that i hope will help you deal what you are going through right now. i know it’s not much but i’ll be the happiest girl if this helped someone in the tiniest way. take care of yourselves ❤️

Calm Harm - Play Store | App Store

Wysa - Play Store | App Store

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu angst #asahi azumane #asahi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader

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just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years ago

Text

I’m From Brooklyn, Too ~ 144

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

I’M FROM BROOKLYN, TOO MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,610ish

Summary: The Team comes back from the time heist.

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time.

Everyone landed in their same spots on the platform, all the the quantum suits deactivating.

“Did we get them all?” Bruce asked.

“You telling me this’ll actually work?” Rhodey questioned.

There was a sudden clatter, Y/N falling to her knees when the Soul Stone and the arc reactor falling to the ground. Everyone stared with wide eyes.

“Y/N, where’s Tony?” Bruce asked.

Clutching her hands to her chest, Y/N bowed her head and continued crying. That gave them all the answer they needed to know. Bruce fell to his knees, hitting the floor in grief. Steve walked over to his sister.

“Y/N,” he called, with a deep sadness, as he reached out for her.

“No!” She pulled away. “Don’t touch me!”

A blast of energy that came from Y/N, causing everyone to stumble back. Everyone eyed each other, realizing that her powers were back. She stood up, shakily, on her own.

“Trust me now, Steve?” Y/N continued, harshly. “Do you trust me now to do what it takes to get the Stone? Cause I did! And that cost me my husbands life! The father of my child’s life!”

“I didn’t—“

“How the hell I am suppose to tell Morgan that her father is dead?! That I watched him willingly fall to his death and there was nothing I could do about it?!”

Y/N was breathing heavily as tears ran down her face. No one knew what to say or do. So they all stared, with heart broken eyes, trying to keep their own tears at bay.

“He’s gone,” Y/N whispered, voice breaking. “He’s gone.”

“No,” Thor stated. “No. We have the Stones, right? As long as we have the Stones, we can bring him back, isn’t that right?” He looked around at the group of people, who had clearing begun grieving. “So stop this shit. We’re the Avengers, get it together.”

“We can’t get him back.”

“What?”

“It’s can’t be undone, Thor.”

Thor dryly laughed. “I’m sorry. No offense, but, even with the power of the Stones, you are a very earthly being. Okay? We’re talking about space magic. And can’t seems very definitive don’t you think?”

Y/N used the Power Stone to blast Thor back into the wall, leaving a dent. She used her power to keep him there.

“Y/N!” A few of them exclaimed.

“As you said, I have the power of the Stones,” Y/N ignored everyone else. “We can’t get Tony back. I know that because I can feel the Stones. His death is permanent.” She dropped Thor, Rocket and Scott rushing to help him up. “Do not question me on this. I will not be questioned about my knowledge anymore. Get the Stones to the lab, I’ll be there to put them in the gauntlet soon.”

Y/N disappeared through a portal into her bedroom. The Team stood there, looking at the spot she had once been.

“She’ll never be the same again,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “Even if we get everyone back, Y/N will never be the same.”

“We have to make Tony’s sacrifice worth it,” Bruce added. “We have to.”

“We will,” Steve stated.

~~~

Steve sighed before he hesitantly knocked on Y/N’s bedroom door. He felt conflicted about going to comfort his sister. Especially since he was probably the last person she wanted to see. If he really listened, Steve could hear her cries, breaking his heart further.

“Y/N? Can I come in?” Steve wondered after the knock.

“Leave me alone, Steve,” Y/N responded.

“I just want to help.”

“Help?” She laughed, dryly, opening the door. Her eyes were red and the arc reactor was on her chest. “You can’t help me. Not anymore. Are the others ready in the lab?”

“Uh, yeah, Rocket and Bruce have everything set up.”

“Good.” She walked passed Steve.

“Y/N, wait. We need to talk about this.”

“No. We don’t. We need to get everyone back.”

“It can wait a few more minutes.”

“Oh? It can?” She turned to face Steve. “Tony didn’t want to do this at first. He was happy, content. We both were.”

“But you love Bucky. And I love—“ Y/N paused, inhaling sharply. “…loved… I loved Tony, too. Even if it wasn’t the same… and now, I get to go home and tell my daughter that her father will never tuck her in again. Never play outside with her or have a movie night…”

“I’m so sorry. If you want, I could come with you.”

“I don’t.” Steve was slightly taken back, but not completely surprised. “I don’t need your help. What I need you to do is stop bugging me about this so that we can bring everyone back. Got it?”

Steve sighed. “I got it.”

~~~

The Team watched intently, all geared up, as Y/N handled each Stone. They were amazed that she was able to handle each one without any repercussions. She carefully took each one and placed it into the gauntlet Tony had previously made. Picking it up, Y/N took it out of the glass room she was in and brought it out to where the others were.

“Alright. The glove’s ready,” Rocket said. “Question is, who’s gonna snap their freaking fingers?”

“Is that even a question?” Y/N retorted. “Me. I’m the one who can control them. And I know that they would do anything to protect me.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Steve questioned.

“Because I know that my job isn’t done yet.”

“We can’t take that risk,” Rhodey cut in. “Especially after…. After Tony. Morgan needs her mother.”

“And she’ll still have one. You all have to trust me.”

“We do,” Natasha said. “We just want to be sure that you won’t get seriously hurt. It’s not a risk we want to take.”

“It should be me,” Bruce said. “The Stones almost killed Thanos when he used them. None of you could survive. Even you Y/N.”

“How do we know you will?” Steve asked.

“We don’t. But the radiation’s mostly gamma. It’s like… I was made for this.” Bruce looked at Y/N. “Let me do this. You’ve sacrificed enough.”

“Let him,” the Stones whispered to her. “Your time will come.”

“Fine,” Y/N gave in, handing Bruce the gauntlet.

Bruce took a deep breath, studying the Stones. “Let’s do it.”

“You remember—everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago and just brining them back to now, today. Don’t change anything from the last five years.”

“Got it.”

Everyone circled around Bruce, suited up. Y/N tapped the arc reactor resting on her chest, Tony’s suit forming around her. She formed a SHIELD to protect her and Clint.

“FRIDAY, activate Barn Door Protocol,” Y/N ordered.

“Yes, Ma’am,” FRIDAY responded. The whole Avengers facility went on lockdown.

“Everybody comes home,” Bruce whispered.

Bruce put on the gauntlet, which fit to his hand thanks to the nanobots. The power surged, overwhelming him. He fell to his knees, grunting in pain.

“Take it off!” Thor panicked. “Take it off!”

“No, wait!” Steve said, holding a hand out. “Bruce, are you okay?”

“Talk to me, Banner,” Rhodey urged.

“I’m okay,” Bruce replied. “I’m okay.”

Thor gave a double thumbs up, trying to encourage his friend. Bruce screamed, fighting through the intense pain coursing through his body. He lifting up his hand and managed to snap his fingers. He faints and the gauntlet slides off his arm. Clint quickly kicked it away.

“Bruce!” Steve exclaimed.

“Don’t move him,” Y/N ordered, coming to her friends side. Using the suit, she sprayed his arm with nanobots. Her head was buzzing, but she chose to ignore it to help her friend.

Bruce reached up and gripped Steve’s arm. “Did it work?” He asked.

“Worth a shot,” he responded.

Thor was on his other side, trying to comfort Bruce. “It’s over. It’s okay.”

Letting out a breath, Y/N leaned back. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the buzzing. FRIDAY had released the Barn Door Protocol, allowing Scott to go towards the outside windows and see the plants and birds. Clint’s phone began ringing, he was shaking slightly as he reached to grab it.

“Hon—honey,” Clint answered his wife, struggling to peak from sheer happiness. “Honey.”

“Guys!” Scott shouted. “I think it worked!”

Before anyone could really celebrate, missiles hit the compound. Effectively destroying it and throwing the teammates in every direction. The suit took over protecting Y/N, making sure her helmet was on and everything. But couldn’t stop her from getting knocked out and the pile of debris that formed on top of her.

~~~

Looking around, Y/N noticed she was in the Mirror Dimension. Which was odd. What was she doing here?

“It’s time.”

Y/N spun around to see Dr. Strange hovering not too far away from her.

“It’s time,” he repeated.

“I know,” she responded.

“Are you ready to do what needs to be done?”

“I am.”

“Good.”

“So, is everyone back?”

“Yes. After this, I am going to bring them to you. To the fight.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry about Stark.”

“I’m slightly hurt that you knew that was going to happen.”

“I couldn’t tell anyone.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yeah. You and your Sorcerer Supreme type. You know things, yet don’t tell anyone everything. It’s infuriating.”

“I am sorry… He seemed like a good father to your daughter.”

“He was the best. And now I will fight so that his sacrifice will not be in vain and for my daughter.”

“I’ll be as quick as I can. Good luck, Y/N.”

next chapter >

I appreciate all likes, comments, asks, and reblogs! Thank you for all the positive support!

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@i-dumb-bitch

@marinettepotterandplagg

@booksarebae2000

@roxytheimmortal

@love-couldbe-my-weakness

@bellamy-barnes

@loveisallyouneed1125

@paintballkid711

@stuckupstucky

@austynparksandpizza

@sydney-m

@fangirl-swagg

@livinglikebritishroyalty

@cspr-2

@supernaturallover2002

@laic2299

@aubreeskailynn (won’t link)

@capstopavenger

@bestofbucky

@irishfaulk97

@a--1--1--3

@marauvdersfate

@hallecarey1

BUCKY:

@the-hell-is-life

@pastel-boy-sungjae

@obsssedwithjustaboutanything

@outsideratheart

#bucky barnes x reader #tony stark x reader #steve rogers x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #bucky barnes x rogers!reader #tony stark x rogers!reader #steve rogers x sister!reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #avengers imagines #avengers imagine #avengers endgame #endgame

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randomfandomimagine · 3 years ago

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I’m Back With Some Changes

I'm back! Hello again, everyone! 👋 I’ve been away for a while, but I have returned as Trish The White! 😂 This was a needed break in which I didn't only rest, but also made some decisions, and things will be a little different from now on.

I haven't been enjoying this blog at all lately, it has become such a source of stress. So I have a new mindset and I will do everything I can to avoid getting overwhelmed, even if I have to be a little selfish. I just don't want to force myself to write anymore and keep getting stressed and overall feeling like the blog is an obligation. I want to have fun again! In order to feel comfortable running this blog still, I need to feel like I am doing things at my own pace and under my own conditions.

CHANGES COMING TO THE BLOG:

Concerning requests: I'll either be closing requests sooner, accepting less of them, being more selective or just opening fewer types. I also changed the spamming rule from 3 requests per person to 2, and I might change it again. I just get too overwhelmed with so many requests.

Concerning my rules: One of the biggest issues I've been dealing with is people breaking my rules and requesting when things are closed, which stressed me out so much. Basically, if you you don't give me all the information I need in order to write your request and don't respect my rules and boundaries, I will delete your request. If you're new to requesting or anxious about it, don't worry, you can DM me or send me asks with your doubts and I'll be I'm more than happy to answer all your questions before you send your request.

Concerning my fandom list: I have taken some fandoms off my list that I wasn’t interested in anymore, didn’t get requests for or felt too out of touch with, which are Baby Driver, Broken Sword, Jurassic World, Misfits, Resident Evil, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and The Outsiders. Don’t worry, though, I might return to them at some point if I revisit them.

Lastly, concerning the queue: In order to disconnect a little from so much writing, I will be taking at least one day off every week to do tag games or ask games and just not write or post fanfiction. It's not normal to have no free time because the only thing I do is write fanfic. I’ll also post more personal posts and start taking breaks whenever I need them and stop feeling guilty about it, and do so before I’m badly burntout. I know the right people won’t mind that I rest for a few days.

That’s pretty much it, I think those simple changes will really help me. I hope you're all okay with these and that you understand, let me know what you think! Also, remember that if you want to encourage and support me, you can always interact with my work (replies, reblogs, asks... anything else other than the usual likes) if you're enjoying them, that always gives me lots of motivation and makes my efforts and hard work feel worth it. Thank you so much for keeping up with me and for reading 😘💜

#I'm feeling so much better #full of energies and excitement again #and its comforting to take it easier now with these changes #message #update #changes on the blog #important

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btssaysstudy · 4 years ago

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Rebound Pt. 1

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Taehyung (V) x reader Genre: Angst Warning: Swearing, cheating mentioned Synopsis: After encouraging your best friend, Taehyung, (also crush) to tryout for the volleyball team, he had gained attention and you started getting closer to one of his teammates. When Taehyung gets himself into a relationship, you found yourself growing attached to Jungkook. However, when Taehyung’s relationship turns sour, he turns to you to fill the void - something Jungkook strongly opposed to. Word count: 6k+

Idk if people would be interested so request for a part 2 if you’d want one and if you want to be tagged?

PT. 2

“There’s no way I’ll get in.” Taehyung shook his head as he read the sign up form. You rolled eyes and shoved the laptop closer to his face. “You won’t know until you try! Plus, you said you wanted to try something new this year.”

It was the second week of the new academic year. It was your third year in college and Taehyung told you earlier on his new year’s resolution. So you were just doing your best friend duties, making sure he fulfils his resolution. “I don’t know y/n…” Taehyung frowned at the screen but you could see him slowly start to reconsider.

You and Taehyung had met during orientation week as freshmen and ever since, you were inseparable. Your first two years were spent being ‘lowkey’, avoiding the “It Clubs” and spending time within your own circles. Taehyung, on the other hand, had always wanted to try out a new sport however he was rejected when he first tried out track during freshmen year.

“You better do it or I’ll do it for you.” You threatened him, sitting up and giving him a pointed look. He chuckled and reached out for your laptop, beginning to key in his details. You smiled triumphantly, lying back on the bed as you watched your best friend fill up the sign up sheet.

You would never admit it to his face but he was cute. There was no lie in that. Even though he remained ‘lowkey’ with you, Taehyung would still get confessions time to time or even get girls sliding into his DMs. You were sure that if he ever joined any of the “It Clubs”, he would be popular.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Taehyung gave you a questioning look. “Admiring my beauty?” He winked at you and you scoffed, throwing a pillow at his face. “Please, I was just thinking about how popular you’ll get once you get accepted.”

“If I get accepted.” “You didn’t even deny about the popular part.”

Taehyung grinned, shutting the laptop and lying in bed beside you. “If you’re worried about me ditching you, you don’t have to.”

“I’m not worried about that, idiot.” You laughed. Taehying shifted to lie on his left side, looking directly at you. You shifted on your right to look back at him. “Good. Because that won’t happen.”

_____

“Did you hear from them?” You asked, skimming through your lecture slides for the week. Taehyung was over at your dorm room after class, waiting for you to finish your ‘review’ so that you could go out to eat dinner. “I don’t know.”

You turned back to look at your phone lying on your bed, scrolling through his Instagram feed. “I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“I haven’t checked my email.”

“Why not?”

He just shrugged his shoulders, his eyes glued to his screen. You sighed, scooting your swivel chair next to the bed. You shoved him, nagging him to get up and check his email. “If you don’t get in, it’s fine! You survived college so far without it anyway.” After a few minutes of whining and delaying it, Taehyung gave in and signed into his email. You waited anxiously, watching his facial expressions for any signs of bad news or good news. His eyes shifted as he read through his emails. “So? Anything?” You pressed for an answer.

Taehyung locked his phone and tossed it on the bed. You frowned, reaching out to his pat his shoulders. “It’s okay, you did your best—“

“I got in!!” He exclaimed joyfully, pulling you in for a hug, wrapping both his arms and legs around you. You let out a short scream from the shock before wrapping your arms around your best friend to congratulate him, ignoring the fluttering feeling in your chest.

“I’m so proud of you Tae!” You squealed in excitement with him as he rambled on about how he couldn’t believe it and if he was dreaming. You laughed, “Why don’t you let me go and we can go out for dinner to celebrate?”

“Right.” Taehyung cleared his throat, promptly releasing his grasp on you. The two of you grabbed your belongings from your room and left to have a celebratory dinner.

_____

Practice took up a lot of his afternoon time but you saw it coming. Sports clubs are known for being time consuming but you were just glad that Taehyung seemed to be enjoying his time. Being ‘club-free’, you had a lot of spare time in the afternoon to join him at indoor sports hall to watch him train. You did this only because he asked you to be there and because he always promised for dinner after practice.

It didn’t take long for the team to be acquainted to you. “Back again to support your boyfriend, huh?” You looked up from your laptop to see one of Taehyung’s teammate grabbing his bottle of water and towel. You tried to not trail your eyes down to his sweat soaked shirt. “Once again, not my boyfriend.”

“And once again, always good news to me.” He winked at you, to which you laughed in response. “Go and train Kook.”

“Yes ma’am.” He laughed and jogged back to the court. Jungkook was in the same year as you and Taehyung. However, he was in the Volleyball team since freshmen year. There was no doubt about his popularity in college, especially amongst women. You never thought you’d become friends with Jungkook.

You looked around for Taehyung, catching him training his receiving with his seniors. A smile crept on your face as you watched in admiration, noticing how he face could be serious for one second and then flashing his boxy smile the next when his senior would compliment him.

You really had it bad. But it was fine as long as he didn’t know.

Their first volleyball match didn’t take too long to come, Taehyung was having his first game jitters. He had called you the night before the game, asking if he could come over to get his mind off things. You obviously agreed even though you were about to get ready for bed. You were annoyed at yourself at times for always being ready to drop anything for him. Though you reasoned out that it was because you were best friends. But you knew better.

“You’re going to do well Tae.” You placed your hand on top of his as a gesture of encouragement. “I’ve been to almost all your practices. You’re always training so hard and your seniors and coach trust you enough to put you in on the game. You gotta believe yourself sometimes man.”

Taehyung pressed his lips into a thin line, staring down at the floor. “I know you’re right but I’m scared I screw up this chance and they won’t put me in anymore.”

You shook your head, placing both your hands on his shoulders to shift him in a way that he faces you directly. “Stop thinking about the negative side Tae. Just focus on doing your best tomorrow and you will, okay?”

He finally gave you a more relaxed smile, “Yes ma’am.”

You laughed, punching his shoulder lightly. “That’s right. Now you should go rest.” You let out a yawn and he had a guilty look on your face. “Sorry I kept you up y/n.”

“No no, it’s fine. I’m just glad I helped you gather your thoughts before your game.”

“You’re going to be there right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” You grinned at him.

_____

Taehyung was truly a fast learner. His practices was displayed on the court, following the team’s plan easily and reacting to any changes in a split second. He had mad reflexes and it was truly an attractive thing to you. You cheered for him enthusiastically throughout the game. Your college easily took the first win, your whole area jumped up with joy as the team huddled together in celebration. “Come join the party, please?” Taehyung pleaded with his puppy dog eyes, knowing you couldn’t say no to that.

So there you were, in one of the volleyball senior’s house, trying to find a quiet corner to sit and use your phone. You didn’t want to hold Taehyung back and you could see he was enjoying his time with his seniors and newfound “friends”. A pang of jealousy hits you as you watched a batch mate approach him rather flirtatiously, offering him a drink. He was clearly enjoying this attention and you hated it. You admit that you could’ve prevented that by being by his side and party with him but you never liked these scenes.

“Careful, people might think you’re about to murder someone.”

You jumped in your spot, turning to see Jungkook chuckling at you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You crossed your arms defensively. He shook his head, jutting out his lower lip as he mocked you, “Alright, my mistake. He’s not your boyfriend anyway.”

“Yes I told you Taehyung and I—“

“I didn’t even mention his name.” He raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk tugging on his lips. You glared at him, “Who else would you be talking about?”

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know. I mean there are quite a few seniors over there, like Namjoon, he’s pretty hot too. Did you see his thighs—“

“Okay quit teasing me. I’m not in the mood.”

“Hey I’m sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood—“

“I don’t need any of that.”

Jungkook nodded his head, following your gaze to see Taehyung with the seniors, being surrounded by a group of girls. He glanced back at you and sighed, “But I’m guessing you need some fresh air?”

You looked at him and grumbled, “Maybe I do.”

Jungkook led you to the backyard where there was a pool and barbecue pit. The two of your sat on the bench next to the pit since most were either in the pool or about to jump into the pool.

“Those girls are harmless you know. They’re always the same ones that come to the party just to flock to the team.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“Then why are your eyebrows still furrowed like you’re ready to slap a bitch?” Jungkook’s tone was half concerned and half amused. You sighed and leaned back on the bench.

“I’m just not a party person.”

“So why are you still here?” Jungkook followed suit, leaning back into the bench.

“Tae.”

“You did your best friend duties already, y/n.” Jungkook shook his head, “You don’t have to sit through the night to watch him flirt with strangers.”

“Maybe I don’t. But I can’t ditch him. He’s my best friend.”

Jungkook sighed, “I get that, but you gotta remember you’re his best friend too. He shouldn’t be putting you through this.”

“Tae doesn’t know anyway.” You sat up abruptly, pointing a finger at Jungkook. “And it stays that way so you better not utter a single word to him.”

The boy smiled, doing the action of zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key into the pool. You laughed, Jungkook grinning at you. “There’s the laugh I love to hear.”

“Sure.” You scoffed.

“There’s a reason why I joke around with you during practice. It’s nice to hear your laugh.”

You were flustered from that genuine compliment, unsure of how to react. Jungkook laughed and patted your shoulders. “Don’t go falling for me now y/n. You have Taehyung to catch.”

Just from that all the flustered feelings were gone and you playfully nudged the volleyball player.

“You wish.”

_____

You arrived late for one of the volleyball trainings since you had a project meeting to attend to. Once it was over, you excitedly headed over to the indoor sports hall to support your best friend.

However, your mood immediately turned sour the moment you entered.

Who is she? You thought to yourself, stopping a scowl from forming on your face. “y/n!” Jungkook jogged up to you to greet you. “You’re late today.”

“Well at least you noticed that I arrived.” You grumbled, “I should just head home.” You spoke defeatedly while you still watched Taehyung joking around with an unfamiliar figure.

Jungkook sighed, “Yo, Taehyung!” He hollered at his teammate. Taehyung finally noticed you had arrived, happily approaching. “Y/N!” he pulled you into a hug. “H-Hey, sorry I’m late.”

“No no it’s fine! Anyway, I have updates to tell you.” He wriggled his eyebrows and you looked at him in confusion. “What updates?”

He grinned cheekily at you before tilting his head in the direction of the girl waiting behind. “We met at the party and exchanged numbers.”

“Oh!” You feigned excitement for your friend. You felt your heart ache from the news and you were ready to turn around and dash out. Taehyung was about to head back to court before he stopped, “Oh yea,” He looked back at you, “I can’t go out for dinner after practice. I’m taking her out somewhere. That’s cool with you right?”

“Y-Yea sure! We can always eat another time.” You smiled at him.

“Thanks y/n, you’re the best!” He flashed you two thumbs up before heading off.

“I’m guessing you’re leaving?” Jungkook came back to your side. “I have no reason to stay anyway.” You sounded defeated and you couldn’t be bothered to sound okay in front of Jungkook.

“Wait!” He grabbed the strap of your bag. “Why don’t we head out for dinner? Stay and watch.”

“Watch then flirt with each other? I’ll pass.” You scoffed.

The coach blew his whistle, signalling everyone to get back on court. “Just think about okay? We’ll go out for dinner afterwards.”

Jungkook gave you his classic charming smile but you could see it in his eyes that he was concerned about you. You gave in, nodding your head and made your way to the seats.

Throughout the practice, you were glued on your laptop, distracting yourself so that you won’t look at Taehyung and his new girl. You had to admit that you would catch yourself watching Taehyung being dead serious during practice. You would roll your eyes when you hear his ‘number one’ supporter cheering him on, while at the same time, hating your jealous side.

Once practice ended, Taehyung came up to you, slightly surprised. “Y/N! You’re still here! I thought you would’ve left.”

With a shrug, you opened your mouth to reply but Jungkook had beaten you to it. “She waited for me!” The sweaty player jogged up to your side, draping his arm over your shoulder.

“You’re sweaty.” You commented, trying to wriggle out from his grasp. “Yes I’m aware.”

“Waited for you?” Taehyung directed the question at his teammate who just nodded his head. You spoke up, “We’re going out for dinner.”

“O-Oh!” Taehyung’s eyes widened slightly before composing himself, “Well have fun you two! I’ll head off first! I’ll text you tonigh!” Taehyung ruffled your hair and headed off with his new companion.

“You’re stiff.” Jungkook shook your shoulders, trying to loosen you up. “Let’s just go for dinner.” You ignored his comment, grabbing your bag to head off with Jungkook.

Jungkook really took you by surprise. You couldn’t help but have a prejudice against members of these “It Clubs” in your college. You knew it was bad to assume but most of time, it was accurate. However, with Jungkook, he was actually shy at times. He could be really confident when he stood on court but you noticed outside the indoor sports hall, he was almost a different person.

“You know, never thought I’d be hanging out with Jeon Jungkook.”

He quirked his eyebrows, “Why do you say that?” You scoffed, “Because anyone on the volleyball team is usually popular.” He chuckled, ruffling his own hair. “I always hated that.”

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to offend—“

“N-No no, you didn’t.” Jungkook shook his head. “I love my team members. They’re like one of the few real friends in college. I never knew how bad this popularity craze was until I joined the team. I just never got it. We’re all just college students.”

Nodding your head, you tried to think of a response. You never knew Jungkook had these thoughts. Then again, you never really sat down to get to know him better. Jungkook chuckled and you looked back up at him. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s nothing. Just feels nice to talk about it with someone.”

You gave him a comforting smile to which he returned one as well, for the first time, you both truly just enjoyed being in each other’s presence.

Ever since your dinner with Jungkook, you guys grew closer. You started to look forward to meeting Jungkook after training or after your own classes. Taehyung had also been busy with his own date and it seemed to be going well since his frequency of contacting you had decreased over the weeks. You had stopped going to watch their training since your midterms were drawing near, agreeing to meet Jungkook at a chosen eatery afterwards. “How’s Taehyung?” “What do you mean by how is he?” “Did he not tell you?” Jungkook looked hesitant to continue his sentence. You straightened your back, narrowing your eyes at Jungkook. “Tell me what?” Jungkook averted your gaze, slumping back in his seat. “They fought and the girl called it off. He skipped practice thrice in a row.”

“W-What?”

You started to wondering why Taehyung didn’t update you about it. Whenever you asked him about his relationship, he would say things were going well and it didn’t seem that it was going sour. “I didn’t know…” Your voice trailed off as you started to worry for Taehyung.

After a short moment of silence, you caught Jungkook raise his hand to get the bill. “Come on, I know you want to go check up on him. Let’s call it a night.”

“N-No, I can drop him a text later on.” Jungkook only smiled at you but you were taken aback by how forced it look. “Can’t fool me y/n.”

You frowned, feeling guilty about calling dinner early. “I’m sorry Jungkook. At least let me pay for dinner this time.”

“Not gonna happen. Also, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Let’s go check on your friend.”

After Jungkook insisted on paying for dinner, he accompanied you over to Taehyung’s dorm. “Text me when you’re back home later, yea?” Jungkook ruffled your hair goodbye before stuffing his hands back into his sweatshirts’ pockets and walked off. You watched Jungkook retreat away, wondering why he sounded dejected. Shaking your head, you looked at the door in front of you and knocked for Taehyung.

“Tae? It’s me.”

There was silence on the other side, you waited for a while before knocking once more. “Tae, I know you’re in there—“

“Y/N, why are you here?” Taehyung opened the door wide enough for you to come in. “I’m here to check on my best friend. And also to ask you why you didn’t tell me about what happened.” Taehyung sighed, plopping himself back onto his bed. “How did you find out?”

“Jungkook told me.”

“Jungkook? Since when were you guys so close?”

“Not the point here Tae. Why didn’t you tell me about it?” You asked him in a soft, comforting voice. Taehyung stared at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact. “It’s not a big deal anyway.”

“Really?” You scoffed, glancing around his room, “Your room tells me otherwise.” His volleyball outfit was hanging untouched on his door and polaroids of his newly ended relationship was thrown in the trash. Taehyung had been lounging in the dark before you came as well, his go-to “I’m sad go away” music playlist running softy in the background.

“It wasn’t going to last either. It got pretty rocky towards the end.”

“But I’m your best friend Tae. You shouldn’t be going through this alone.” You patted his knees, telling him to sit up and he did. Taehyung looked into your eyes, “Why can’t we just become a couple?”

“W-What?” You nearly choked on your saliva. Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, “We’re best friends. We know each other’s flaws and secrets. We’re close enough to get together. Why can’t we just get together?”

“Because you have to like each other romantically to get together—“

“We can try things out?”

“Tae, you just broke up with your girlfriend—“

“We’ll take things slow!” Taehyung grabbed your hands in his, ”We’re best friends! That’s like a couple already, all we just need is to go out on romantic dates!” As each second passed by, you knew Taehyung was becoming more attached to his idea and was starting to think that it was the perfect idea. You shook your head, pulling your hands away from him. “That’s a stupid idea Tae.”

Taehyung frowned, reaching for your hands once more. “Y/N, I care for you a lot. More than enough for us to try things out together. Tell me honestly, can’t you see something romantic between us?” You felt your heart pounding, your mind racing back and forth between the two sides. You knew he was just heart broken and he was going to treat you as a rebound. However, another part of you always wanted to try things out with Taehyung, you did like him after all.

“O-Okay fine.”

_____

After that day, Taehyung had been asking you to come back to watch his practices and he was serious about taking you out on dates. You started ignoring Jungkook’s texts. A part of you felt guilty to be talking to Jungkook. He had checked up on you that night to asked if you had gotten back safely. You felt butterflies reading such a simple text from Jungkook. That immediately made you feel guilty and you decided to ignore him.

That was why you had been hesitant to attend volleyball practices, but Taehyung was persistent.

You walked side by side with Taehyung, his arms over your shoulder as he kept you close. These moments made you forget that you were rebound as you allowed yourself to fully enjoy the moment. A big part of you felt that maybe Taehyung won’t see you as a rebound but things could really work out between the two of you. You felt happy being close with Taehyung again and you loved going out with him on dates.

“Y/N! It’s been awhile!” Namjoon hollered, waving wildly at you. You chuckled, greeting your senior hello. Jungkook’s posture perked up as he heard your name, he turned around eager to greet you, only to freeze when he saw you standing close to Taehyung. He composed himself before approaching you two, “What’s going on here?” He forced a teasing tone.

Taehyung grinned like a giddy nine year old boy, pulling you closer to him. “We’re just trying things out.”

Jungkook raised a questioning eyebrow at the sight before him, “Didn’t you just break up, Tae?”

“What does that have to do with me and y/n?” Taehyung frowned at his teammate. Jungkook raised his hands in defeat, shrugging his shoulders. “Nothing! I was just asking.” He casted a disappointed look in your way and you wished you could erase it from memory.

Halfway through practice, the coach whistled for a 15 minute break. You had gone out to buy a snack for yourself. “Y/N! Wait up!” You almost ran the moment you heard his voice. It was Jungkook. “What do you want?”

Jungkook just grinned at you, “A snack.”

The two of you walked to the vending machine to grab yourselves a light snack. “You know you’re his rebound right?”

“That may not be 100% true—“

“Y/N.” He called your name in a firmer tone, his friendly demeanour gone. Jungkook wrapped his hands gently around your wrist. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Taehyung’s my best friend, Kook. He’s not going to hurt me.” You replied defensively, getting worked up by the thought of being a rebound. Jungkook sighed, “I know he’s your best friend—“

“And that’s enough for me to know he won’t hurt me. Can we drop it, please?”

Jungkook stayed silent, nodding his head. The walk back to the indoor sports hall was anything but comfortable. “Anyway, good luck for your upcoming game.”

“T-Thanks.” Jungkook pressed his lips into a small smile, opening the door for you.

_____

It was no surprise that the team won, you cheered from the stand as you proudly watched the team huddle together to celebrate. You caught Taehyung look back at the crowd, flashing you his boxy smile. In that moment, you felt that everything was right and finally coming together.

That night, it was their celebratory party. You should’ve learned your lesson about not liking parties. But you were there to support your date. “Thanks for coming Y/N.” Taehyung brought you out to the backyard, sitting by the pool. The guests were only starting to arrive so it was mostly the team at the house. The backyard was just for you and Taehyung to use.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m proud of you.” You smiled at him, patting his thighs encouragingly. Taehyung chuckled, “I’m also thankful you agreed to try things out between us. I hope you have no regrets.”

You looked up at him, shaking your head. “A-Actually, I always kinda liked you. For a long time, in fact.”

Taehyung frowned, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“No there’s nothing to be sorry about Tae. I didn’t tell you either.”

Silence ensued as you two continued to look into each other’s eyes. The cheering from indoors suddenly went silent and all you heard was the sound of water as you both swayed your feet in the pool. You watched Taehyung slowly lean in and you did the same, closing the gap to kiss your best friend. You dreamt of this moment so long and it had finally happened.

When you two pulled away, Taehyung had a cheeky smile on his face. “Can’t believe I just kissed my best friend.” “Shut up.” You shoved him, getting up from the ground. The two of you headed back inside, Taehyung sneakily intertwining is hands with yours.

The other college students started to arrive and it didn’t take long for the party to begin. You went to the kitchen to get food since you were starving. You talked to the other volleyball players who have grown to be acquainted with by the kitchen counter, near the food station. Taehyung went to the living room to mingle with the guests.

“By the way, have you seen Jungkook?” You asked Namjoon. “Oh, he’s playing beer pong outside.”

Once you finished your plate you excused yourself and headed out to find Jungkook. “Hey!” You shouted over the music. Jungkook glanced at you before easily shooting into the last cup successfully. “You guys go ahead.” He told the group and left with you. “Thought you said you’re not a party person.”

“Yea but Taehyung’s here. I’m just here to support.”

Jungkook nodded his head, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “Where is he anyway?”

“Probably drinking too much with the others.” You chuckled, glancing inside. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, “You know she was invited right? His ex?” You tried your best to shrug it off, “Oh really? Didn’t know that.”

He shook his head in response, stopping in his tracks. “You should stop being in denial y/n.”

“I’m not. We just had a heart to heart talk awhile ago and things are going great between us.”

“I’m just saying that because I care about you.”

You sighed, nodding your head, “I know Jungkook. I know that.” You guys suddenly heard a group of buys singing their hearts out through the microphones from inside. With a chuckle, Jungkook suggested that you guys head in to watch Namjoon singing Titanic.

“No way, Yoongi is belting it out too.” You laughed, watching the two passionately sing their hearts out. You glanced around the living room, noticing that Taehyung wasn’t there.

“I’ll go get a drink, want any?”

“Whatever you get. Thanks y/n.” Jungkook thanked, busy taking out his phone to film his seniors singing Titanic. “This is blackmail material.” He chuckled to himself. You squeezed through the sea of people, making your way to the kitchen to grab a drink.

However, a part of you wished you stayed to watch the Titanic performance in the living room.

You stood there frozen, not even knowing what to say. Taehyung was leaning against the kitchen counter, dangerously close to his ex as they talked and laughed about whatever their conversation was. You watched as she trailed her hands down his chest, Taehyung not declining the gesture at all. “I missed this.” He admitted out loud. “Maybe we can have another chance?” She asked Taehyung as she seductively grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull herself closer.

You took a deep breath in and walked inside to make your presence known. “I think you guys should get another chance together.” You bitterly interjected their conversation. The two immediately pulled away from each other. “Y/N, w-we were just talking—“

You scoffed, taking an empty cup and filling it up with whatever hard liquor you first touched. “I know you were. I heard everything - how you missed it. It’s okay Tae, I get it.” You shook your head, more disappointed that you have been fooling yourself the entire time. “I’m the fool here anyway. Enjoy your night together.”

Raising the cup, you tilted your head to their direction. “Cheers, to you guys getting back together!” You turned on your heels and started to walk away.

“W-Wait y/n we should talk—“

“Oh yea,” You looked back at him, “That also means I’m done dating you.”

You didn’t wait for a reply as you walked out of the kitchen and passed the living room. “Hey! Where’s my drink?” Jungkook stopped you. You looked at him and back to your cup before downing the whole large cup of liquor.

“Woah, slow down Flash.” Jungkook reached out to take the cup from you. Though, it was already empty. “I can get my own cup. You didn’t have to down—“

“Yea, why don’t you go inside the kitchen and see the couple getting back together. I’m sure it’s a sweet sight.”

“W-What?” Jungkook’s head jerked to the direction of the kitchen, watching Taehyung walk out of the area in panic with his ex trailing behind after him. You heard the plastic cup crunch in his grasp, and you nodded your head. “You’re right, I’ve been fooling myself the whole time. I even snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook’s attention shifted back to you as he watched your eyes water and your attempts to blink them away. “Let’s leave this place.”

“No, it’s your celebratory party, I’ll go—“

“We’ll go.” Jungkook took your hand in his, leading you out through the main door.

“Y/N!” Taehyung’s voice called out for you as you two left. You turned around to see Taehyung catching up to you. “What are you doing with Jungkook?” “I’m going home.”

“With Jungkook? Y/N, please, we need to talk—“

“I don’t think she wants to talk—“

“You’re not part of this conversation, Jungkook.” Taehyung glared at him. “And why don’t you keep your hands off of her!” Taehyung reached out for your hand but you stepped back, tears brimming in your eyes. “Please, just leave me alone.”

Taehyung glanced between the both of your before laughing. “You’re upset with me with what happened in the kitchen yet you are leaving the party with another man? I should be upset too—“

“Shut up Taehyung! You know I would never do that to you, we are at the same fucking party and you still have the audacity to flirt with your ex! Under the same fucking roof! All Jungkook did was comfort me after seeing such an amazing sight! So no, you have no right to be upset! So can you just leave me the fuck alone?!” You snapped, yelling at the top of your lungs at Taehyung to just leave you.

“Y/N, it can’t just end like this… We’re best friends—“

“We should’ve just kept it there. That’s my fault.” You aggressively wiped your tears away, looking back at Jungkook. “I want to leave.” He nodded his head, “I’ll drive you home.” The two of you walked away, leaving Taehyung to stare at your retreating figure as he started to realise what he had done and what it had cost him. In the car, you stared outside the entire ride, letting tears fall silently as you started scolding yourself internally. You had both eyes wide open the entire time yet you still allowed it to happen to you.

Jungkook being the gentleman he was, gave you the silence you needed throughout the ride back to your dorm. The two of you made your way up to your room, collapsing onto your bed the moment you entered. “We can talk about it tomorrow after you rest.” Jungkook handed you a glass of water.

“I’m free the whole day—“

“Can you stay the night?” You meekly asked, sniffling in between words. Jungkook’s heart ached at the sight of you crying, gripping the cup as you tried to calm yourself down.

Nodding his head, he sat beside you, carefully taking the glass from your hands and placing it on the bedside table. He wrapped his arms around your as he pulled you in for a hug as you started weeping, scolding yourself at the same time.

“I hate myself. I hate that I agreed with his plan. I hate—“

“Stop hating yourself y/n, people make mistakes. Now you just have to learn from it.” Jungkook comforted you, gently rubbing your back to calm you down. Exhausted from crying and also from being tipsy, you managed to fall asleep in his embrace.

So yea, request if you’d like a part 2 and if you want to be tagged! I’d love to hear from you guys if you liked it!

PT. 2

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hypersexuaid · 3 years ago

Note

I need help. I’ve talked to my therapist about this, but she’s still looking for meds or professionals to help. I’ve been hypersexual for literally as long as I can remember, and as far as I know it’s just something I was born with, not as a result of trauma (I am both a minor and a virgin). I constantly am turned on and have continuous sexual urges throughout the day that distract me from getting anything else done. My schoolwork is suffering, and even though I know that that is a bad thing, the thing about my hypersexuality is that I get aroused by bad things happening to me, or even just the thought of said bad things (bad grades, terrible world events, losing sentimental objects, etc) and as someone who suffers from frequent intrusive thoughts and anxiety, you can understand how this can very quickly spiral into an unstoppable feedback loop. I feel disgusted with myself and I’m getting nowhere and I feel like I’m dying. I don’t know what to do anymore and I just want it to stop. I’ll get a lobotomy if I have to, I just want this part of me gone. Please help.

firstly, i hope it’s ok to relate, bc i understand so well considering the same happens to me. you’re not alone in that part. i too have found comfort in the worst of things.

secondly, onto the actual ask ... my intrusive and hypersexual thoughts have worsened just as much as yours i’d say, so speaking from experiences, i can assure you acting upon them will not result in anything. after relapses i’ve often found myself in bed, crying, or feeling totally empty. these impulses only wish to use you for a moment, a moment that you can very well fight through!

your experiences and impulses do not and never have defined you. regardless of what you’ve been through or what you’ve done, you can recover and be the person you want. you will escape this. i heavily encourage staying in contact with your therapist and continue your medication.

and again, if it’s ok to relate... i really do. considering my relapses are more than often, frequent and daily at this point, i always thought i was born with it as well. unfortunately, even before my groomings in the past, i still dealt with several things, like my butt being touched if i bent over. i’ve felt hypersexual even before the groomings due to these things, so again i thought there was just something wrong with me.

i truly can’t stress enough that you need to separate yourself from these thoughts as hard as it may seem, i believe in you! again, these things do not define you in any way! you are a wonderful person, you should see that yourself for wanting to stop acting upon impulses. you’re very brave. practice mindfulness as much as you can too, ask your therapist if you can work on mindfulness techniques if you haven’t before!

if your medication is helping you can request a dosage increase if you’d like. but truly above all else, i think this is all i can provide unfortunately. you’re more than free to dm me if you need that instead. stay in contact with your therapist and continue your meds, and please, remember that this is not you. the fact you want it to stop proves that enough. i love you, i know you can get through this.

i’m sorry if this wasn’t the answer you were hoping for.

#ask #anonymous #coping

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kanasmusings · 4 years ago

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[F.A.Q.] Engeki Haikyuu Subtitles

Hello~! First of all, I’m so glad to know that everyone is enjoying all the Engeki Haikyuu subtitles that I’ve posted and that you’re all looking forward to more~! A huge thank you to all of you who have messaged me words of encouragement and gratitude for all the projects! I really appreciate all of them and the fandom and I’m just glad to have been able to contribute~! ＼(＾▽＾)／

But since I keep getting the same DMs and asks about a lot of stuff regarding the subs, I decided to make this FAQ. I unfortunately don’t have the time to answer all anon asks and DMs about the subs, so please do check this FAQ first before asking me anything, thank you!

I’ll reblog this every now and then so it doesn’t get buried under the other posts I make! FAQ under the cut ^^

1.) The file won’t open. | What program do I need to open a .ass file?

--> I’ve mentioned this again and again, but the file I’m sharing are only the softsubs! That means, the video is not included in them. In order to be able to watch the play with subtitles, you need to have both the subtitles (the ones I post) and the video itself.

2.) Where can I get the videos? | Do you know who is sharing the videos? | Where can I download?

--> If you can’t get enough of the videos and want to see more, especially the backstage, the Engeki Haikyuu DVD/BDs are all available to order here. The site ships internationally, so by all means, feel free to order if you can ^^

Here’s a guide for first-time buyers~

3.) I have the video, how do I load the subs? | How do I play the subs?

--> If you are using VLC, here’s a tutorial for how to play the video with subs. --> If you are using DAUM PotPlayer, here’s a tutorial. --> If you are using a Mac computer, here are various media players you can check out to try and play the videos. But from what I’ve been told, VLC works best! I unfortunately don’t know the differences between Mac and Windows players, so I can’t help with this too much if there are problems ^^;

--> For those who are downloading on mobile, MXPlayer works pretty great! It’s what I use and it’s easy to play videos and add subtitles to them. Free version may have ads, but it works pretty great! If you can, you can pay once to get the full version just for smoother playing. NOTE: There may be lags/unsyncing with the subs depending on your phone.

4.) The link isn’t working, can you re-upload them? | I can’t access the link anymore, will you re-upload?

--> Yes, I will re-upload anything that gets taken down! Just tell me which subtitle you’re looking for or which link isn’t working so I can update them on the masterpost ^^

5.) Do you have subtitles for “Start of a Giant”? | Are you working on “Start of a Giant”?

--> Yes, I still am. However, I have other priority projects, plus commissions, and real life + quarantine that keep me busy, so they are progressing really slow right now. I am grateful that you are very patient with me on this one though!

6.) I recently got into Engeki Haikyuu and found the first two plays, do you have subs for them? | Do you have subs for “Itadaki no Keshiki”?

--> No, I have not worked on “Itadaki no Keshiki” or its re-run. When it was first uploaded, it came subbed by the one who shared the original video, so I cannot help you with that. I also do not have subs for the “Karasuno, Revival!!” curtain calls because from what I remember, there’s already someone on Tumblr who has worked on them.

--> I only started working on Engeki Haikyuu starting from “Karasuno, Revival!” until “The Strongest Challengers” which I am currently finishing.

7.) Can I re-translate your subtitles into [insert language here]?

--> Yes!! Feel free to re-translate them~! The more people who know and support Engeki Haikyuu, the better! I just ask that you please keep my credit in the subs as the original English translator and uploader, thank you!

--> If you post the re-translated subs on Tumblr, feel free to just tag me ^^

8.) What are all the subs you’ve worked on? | How many Haikyuu plays have subs? | Is there a masterpost?

--> Yes~! I’ve made a masterpost of all the Haikyuu!! content that I’ve worked on before~!

--> The masterpost is here for those who couldn’t find them ^^

STEP BY STEP GUIDE ON HOW TO PLAY THE SUBTITLES:

1.) Download video (Read #2 about where to get it.)

2.) Download subs (In the masterpost at # 8)

3.) Play video and then load subs (Refer to #3 for how to load them on your media player.)

※ I’m really grateful for all the patience you have with me regarding these subs, and I felt a bit bad that I couldn’t answer all your questions individually >< Hopefully, this FAQ will help out a bit!

※ If there’s still something unclear and something I have not addressed in the FAQ, please DM me ^^ I’ll try my best to help, if ever!

※ If you enjoyed my work so far, please consider buying me a coffee here, if you can. It’ll really help me out a lot.(o^▽^o) Thank you!!

#engeki haikyuu #engeki haikyuu subs #hyper projection performance haikyuu #faq #announcement #haikyuu stage play #haikyuu!!

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racebox-of-higgars · 3 years ago

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No More Boring Allegories

Part One of “The Unkindest Cut Of All”

So, this is the first in a new oneshot series I’m writing. I’m gonna say here - BIG trigger warning for suicide for the whole series.

Please stay safe everyone, my DMs are always open if you ever need to talk.

Summary: "You noticed things were getting bad. He was too distant, as if he was a million miles away. He went through the motions of the day without actually being there. You sit him down, you say, “we need to talk,” and you don’t miss the way immediately puts up walls around himself. But he knows what it's about and he knows that you know, which just about destroys any chance of actually getting somewhere you may have had with him. You gave him the chance to close himself off, and he took it. That was mistake number one."

It's been six months since Race died, and Jack finally found the courage to go through and work out where things really went wrong.

Songfic based on How To Save A Life by The Fray. Title from Turtles All The Way Down by Sammy Copley

Read on AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31398146

@angelslibrary

Dear Past Jack Kelly.

Jack slammed the pen down on the desk, head in his hands. This was already so stupid. Apparently it was supposed to help, supposed to give him some form of release or closure, but he couldn’t see how that was supposed to work. All it did was bring everything back to the surface, everything that he had tried to push down for the last 6 months. He wasn’t ready to confront that.

“Jack?” Davey said from the doorway. “Are you doing it?” Jack looked up at him, saw the encouraging smile he wore, then back to the paper in front of him.

“I’m trying to,” he said finally. Davey nodded.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Please.” Davey nodded again and disappeared down the hall, pulling the door shut behind him with a gentle click. Jack turned back to the paper. He could do this.

You noticed things were getting bad. Too late, but you noticed, and surely that counts for something, right? He was too distant, as if he was a million miles away. He went through the motions of the day without actually being there. So obviously, as any older brother would, you confronted him. You sit him down, you say, “we need to talk,” and you don’t miss the way immediately puts up walls around himself, his face an unreadable mask. “Sit down,” you tell him. “It’s only a talk.” But he knows what it's about and he knows that you know, which just about destroys any chance of actually getting somewhere you may have had with him. You gave him the chance to close himself off, and he took it. That was mistake number one.

Tears welled in his eyes and he furiously blinked them back. He felt sick, thinking about it all. Thinking about every mistake he had made. Maybe, if he had done things differently, Race would still be here. He had done everything all wrong, and it was his fault. His brother was gone, and it was his fault.

He pushed those thoughts back. They were the ones that got him spiralling, and he wasn’t equipped to deal with that. Not now. He furiously wiped his eyes, picked the pen back up, and kept writing.

He had this polite smile - nothing like his normal one, but you couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen that. You wanted to smile back, but you couldn’t. Instead, you just stared at him. You stared through his masquerade, saw straight through the facade to the hurt underneath that he tried so hard to hide. That was eating him up inside, anyone who knew him could tell, but he had this act that he hid behind. All you wanted to do was break down that act. You just wanted him to tell you the truth for once, but every word that slipped past his lips were lies. Each one drove you further and further apart. Maybe that was what ended it.

Jack and Race had always been close. They told each other everything. Maybe that’s what hurt the most about Race’s lies. They had always been open books to each other, but Race had withdrawn, closed that book, and that’s what had hurt Jack the most.

He was thinking in terms of him being hurt by Race’s actions again. That, rather than how hurt Race had been. He had been making that mistake a lot recently. It wasn’t like he could help it, after all, he was actually here to feel that hurt, Race wasn’t, but that was only because it had become too much for him, apparently. It was becoming too much for Jack, too.

You were terrified. How could you not be? You were walking this line between fearing the worst every day and placing all the blame on him, on yourself. One wrong foot, and you’d fall, and either way would fuck everything up. If you let him know how afraid you truly were, it would only push him away further. If you started blaming him, he’d get worse. If you started blaming yourself, you would end up in the same position he was, and what use to him would that be? It was like some sick tightrope, where one just of wind, one toe out of line, and you would plummet and everything would spiral out of control. As if things weren’t already out of control, completely beyond your efforts. At that point, there was nothing more you could do. It was already over.

Jack furiously wiped his eyes as he went through the motions of Race’s last weeks in his head. Of course, trying not to blame himself hadn’t worked. He did now more than ever. Tears smudged the ink slightly as he wrote, but he powered through. His wrists cramped, but he was finally getting to the root of it all. This had started out as some stupid exercise, but he was beginning to find something in it all.

You tried to talk to him again. Of course, as always, he turned you away with one of those perfectly crafted smiles that only you seemed to be able to see through. A short, “I’m fine, Jack,” and one of those smiles, and you knew there would be no getting through to him. You wondered why you even tried. He didn’t want to be saved.

He didn’t want to be saved. That’s what had resonated with Jack the most. Race hadn’t wanted him, no matter how hard Jack tried to believe that he did. If anything, by pushing him Jack had only pushed him away more. He had gone wrong in so many places, he could see that now, but hindsight wasn’t going to do him or Race anymore. Hindsight couldn’t bring Race back.

You tried to set things out logically for him. After all, you could see everything from the outside, so you could use that perspective to help, right? Wrong. You couldn’t see everything. You couldn’t see how much everything was tearing him up inside. “You think you know this better than I do, don’t you?” He had asked, bitter betrayal in his voice, and you weren’t able to answer, because it was the truth. You couldn’t tell him outright that he was wrong in the way he was coping, but you had to in some way, otherwise you would lose him forever. He didn’t want to hear it when you tried to explain that. It was as if he had put up some wall and you saw that he wasn’t listening to a word you tried to tell him. He had made up his mind.

God, he had fucked everything up. His brother was gone, and it was his fault. He had done everything he knew how to try to save Race, and yet, here he was - writing this stupid fucking letter to himself 6 months ago, but it felt like years and only seconds at the same time. Every day without Race felt as if it was a year, yet they were so monotonous that they passed by in the blink of an eye. How was it only 6 months ago? It felt like he had aged 50 years since it all happened. He had made too many mistakes. Too many fuck ups. He was only 21, he wasn’t meant to feel this old, this broken.

For the first time in your life, you prayed. You prayed that he would just see sense, like a mantra, every night. “Please, God, let him wake up. Let him listen to me. I haven’t asked you for anything before now, and I’ll never ask for anything again, just grant me this. Bring him back to me.” God doesn’t listen. You learned that the hard way. Why doesn’t God listen? Isn’t He supposed to save good people? Then why didn’t he save him, who had never done anything wrong? Race deserved to be saved. Maybe it was God’s way of punishing you.

Jack had given up on believing. After that, he didn’t see the point. If God couldn’t see that Race deserved His mercy, then surely He wasn’t there. Since then, he hadn’t believed in much of anything. There was nothing to believe in. Nobody had heard him when he screamed and cried and begged for someone, anyone to save Race, so why should he have faith in them? There was nothing. Nothing that was worth believing in, anyway.

He started yelling. You didn’t expect that from him. Every time you had confronted him before, he had always been soft-spoken, quiet as sweet lies spilled easily from his lips. Not this time. This time he exploded, hurling accusations like knives, and you were lost. What could you do in that situation? You lowered your voice, tried to make him listen to you, finally, but he wouldn’t. He was too far gone.

You saw the two paths he had ahead of him - he could spill everything, and maybe then he’d have a chance of being saved, or he’d just smile and say that he’s just not the same anymore. It’s the stress of college, that’s what he told you. And then you blew up. That was your final mistake. It was all lies, and you were sick of them. He tried to blame it on the time you had spent apart, but it was all bullshit, you knew that. You saw straight through him, but there was no way for you to make him see. Again, you wondered why you bothered trying anymore.

Except this time, you said it out loud, and that was the biggest mistake.

Jack’s tears came freely, staining the paper with streaks of black as sob after uncontrollable sob wrenched its way from his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. Guilt clouded his mind, tinting everything black. Nothing was right anymore. It had all gone wrong, in that moment. Who knew one moment, just a few seemingly meaningless words could tear a world apart?

You did everything you knew how. It wasn’t enough to save him though. There never would be enough to save him, he was too far gone before you even started trying. You tried everything you knew. But even then, no matter how much you do, it won’t change anything. Because he’s gone, and you can’t save him.

#newsies #newsies fanfiction #suicide tw #angst #dead racetrack higgins #jack kelly #racetrack higgins #davey jacobs #fanfiction #jack kelly and racetrack higgins are brothers #background javid

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theriverpersonshadow · 4 years ago

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Lamia Drama (Part 2)

See previous post for warnings and general info.

Credit for the lamia species (or at least the specific species, not lamia in general) goes to @vex-bittys

Keith decides to give this new girl a chance and introduces another lamia! DnD shall come whether Hux likes it or not. Coral boy is jealous.

< PREV | NEXT >

Keith and Hux had just been talking DnD with each other when a girl with short, wavy blonde hair walked into the back. Keith’s flickering tongue caught the taste of sweat, dirt, and a variety of plants. Real plants, not like the fake trees, though he could identify some of the smells as the foliage they could keep here. His soul leaped in his chest, he could feel it immediately, they were meant to be.

… According to who? Or what? Some bred in biological imperitive? It was just there to make him easier to adopt, right? But it felt real…

No.

He wasn’t going to leave Hux and the others behind. The woman didn’t seem to have even noticed anyways, so maybe he was just imagining it. Heck, he probably was. Then again, if anything was going to seduce him – something he felt was pretty impossible, he’d just never been interested – it’d probably be someone bringing their own books and homemade fucking cookies. Yes please. They smelled like chocolate and peanut butter – questionably healthy at best, but he’d take it!

… He should probably answer the question, huh?

“Yeah, nice to meet ya. Name’s Keith, I’m the DM,” Keith said, slithering down to her level.

“So, you think you have what it takes to play with the big boys?” Hux said. “Heh. How’d you even find out about that?”

“There was a sign,” the woman said. “My friends are busy with college stuff right now – I’m on break, doing work in a greenhouse and all – but my evenings are totally free. Kinda have to leave early though, have to be up before the sun. I love the job, but that part sucks.”

Keith chuckled, “I feel you there.” He’d stay snuggled in a nesting mound half the day if you let him. What? Blankets are soft, and it’s not like he had to leave to read things. Beds and blankets make reading better if anything. Prime coziness.

“I think you should look somewhere else,” Hux said. “We go until, like, two in the morning sometimes.”

Before Keith could stop himself, he found himself saying, “Eh, we can end early for a little while. Or hey, maybe have a side campaign with you or something.”

“What?!” Hux said, standing high as he could on his tail with his arms thrown out. “Dude! We’re halfway through Pipsqueak’s character arc or whatever! Can’t just push him aside…”

Pipsqueak was Trousle’s (a bitty Papython) mousefolk bard; he’d been looking for pieces of the Worldsong, a song that, once played, was supposed to give the musician power over all things. Pipsqueak had managed to get half of it and was facing down with Caterwaul, the Tabaxi bard, who had the other half. It was looking like Pipsqueak was questioning whether the song should be played by any. However it played out was going to be awesome, though it might or might not be the end of the campaign depending on how Trousle played it.

Since when did Hux care so much about that though? He wasn’t exactly a roleplayer type…

“I mean, if you guys are full or in the middle of something, I can just… not?” the woman said.

“Nah, don’t mind Hux. It’s alright, uh… What’s your name?”

“Oh! My bad. Call me Alex. You said it’s, uh… Key?”

“Keith,” Hux said, unimpressed.

“I am the actual worst at names,” Alex said, sighing.

“Eh, it happens. But I bet we can work something out.”

“We don’t need to work things out,” Hux grumbled, curling into a ball on the floor and sulking, hiding his skeleton half under a ball of black and red scales.

Keith rolled his eyes. Hux never liked change and didn’t seem too fond of people. He was tolerant of the people running the place, but no one else. That said, it was no excuse to be a dick. “Hux, be nice. Sorry about him, he’ll warm up to ya. Why don’t I take you to meet the others? We can work something out. Not like we’re going anywhere…” And that was fine by him. Home was here with his own batch of misfits. “Get Liam, will ya Hux?”

“Ugh, why do I have to?”

“ ‘Cause you can never find Trousle.”

“Why don’t I go looking for Oozy?”

“I’ll bet you a week’s snacks that Oozy’s in his hammock.”

Hux huffed and crossed his arms with an adorable blush on his face, flustered. He was, apparently, not willing to take that bet. As much as Keith liked to stay curled up all cozy, he had nothing on Oozy. It wouldn’t be the first time they had to carry him in the hammock to DnD night. Hecking cornies.

“Thought so,” Keith said, chuckling. “I’ll go get Nikolai. Hope you don’t mind kiddos, Lex.”

“Is Nikolai a kid?”

“Nope,” Keith said. “Follow me.” He slithered past the jungle of fake plants, real plants, and various toys and hiding holes that made up the dim room he liked to call the “Chilling Room.” It was a little cool in here, but mostly he called it that ‘cause this area tended to be more quiet, lacking the toys and people-chairs that littered the rest of the back. Sometimes you just need a place to be a Snake and stalk your friends for a little while, or somewhere to just hide in a hole and listen to the same song until it was playing through your dreams in utter bliss. That second one seemed unique to him.

“… I’m not gonna remember any of these names,” Alex whispered to herself. She stopped to pull some dead foliage from some of the plants, fingers working fast with practice. For a moment she paused then put a leaf in her mouth. “Stevia leaves the weirdest after taste. Not bad though. Also, why do you have stevia?”

“Is that what that is? I think the Honeybos like to chew on it.”

“Is that why they’re Honeybos? ‘Cause they’re full of sweet?”

“I mean, maybe! Never bitten into one.”

“Not even licked one?” Pause. “That’s a weird thing to ask, huh?”

“I mean, I smell with that y’know. But some of them do smell kinda sweet.” He had the oddest urge to nibble a snake now. Logically he knew they were not just little slithering sweets, but a little voice in the back of his head whispered but what if they do taste like honey buns?

Keith really hoped that voice wasn’t Alex’s. That’s just a weird thing to think. Even weirder if you aren’t a snake. “Do you stick a lot of random stuff in your mouth?”

Alex kinda went quiet, staring at the floor, and Keith tried to stifle a laugh, stopping in his tracks to look at her behind him. “Oh my god. You have, haven’t you? What’s the weirdest thing?”

“Probably either crickets, an agar plate – one of those things they grow bacteria on – or my salt lamp.”

“Can confirm, those are salty.”

“You too?”

“Nope. But Trousle dared Liam to once and he swallowed the whole thing. We had to pull it out by the chord.”

“That… That’s both amazing and dangerous.”

Keith nodded, “Yep. Never dare a Mamba to do something unless you want to face the consequences.” Looking around, he brought out his phone and showed some pictures of Liam – a full sized Mamba – with light streaming from his mouth and tail as Hux and Nikolai (a King) tried desperately to pull the lamp out. Trousle was on the table, shouting encouragement but too small to actually help. “That’s why we’re not allowed to have salt lamps anymore.”

Alex was snorting as she laughed, hand over her mouth and eyes crinkled behind glasses. “Oh my goodness. Reminds me of when I caught a baby rabbit and found out they can scream. I almost dropped it.”

“Oh no!”

“It tried to escape! But I caught it midair. And then it just stared at me, judging. Relatedly, gardening gloves have multiple uses. One of them is bunny catching. They have claws and will kick the shit out of you.”

He’s tempted to mention that’s why he just eats them, but gets the feeling that won’t go over well. Since when does he care? He’s a snake, she should know this. It’s natural.

“You like cute? C’mon,” Keith said. It was a short slither to the very back room. Alex stopped, staring at the “Staff Only” sign, but Keith gently tugged her through, “It’s fine.” The door opened up to a humid room with multiple little lamps scattered over eggs and newborns. The nursery. They were greeted with a variety of hisses and chirps from little baby snakes and a much louder hiss from Nikolai. The King’s hood flared upon seeing the stranger and he stood as tall as he could, clutching three squirming baby Pygmy (full sized, but still so small) to his chest protectively.

Alex froze up, face going blank as she stared at the sight of King’s hood and fangs, venom dripping from them. Maybe Keith should’ve warned Nikolai first, but better late than never?

“Alex, this is Nikolai. The most broody bastard you’ll ever meet. Nikolai, Alex. She wants to play DnD. And probably to also hold some kiddos, but who am I to judge?”

Nikolai narrowed his eyes, somehow keeping hold of the Pygmy as all three attempted to go in different directions, unfazed by one of them trying to put his hands in Nikolai’s eyesockets. “Keith. We need to talk.”

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theexistentiallyqueer · 4 years ago

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It’s been a while, what with me being being more active on Twitter these days, but I had some thoughts churning around in my brain and this felt like a better place to post them rather than threading them over there.

This is a post about Persona 5 and restorative justice. Before I go any further, though, a note: this is meta about restorative justice and prison abolition as ethical philosophies only, how it can be expressed/structured in works of fiction, i.e., Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal, and what the importance of doing so is.

I should also note that I am not a philosopher, a legal scholar, or an activist, I just like to read, and I strongly encourage you to look into the topics I’m discussing in this essay. If you want specific recommendations you can DM me; again, this being meta about a video game, I think linking those titles here would diminish their importance regarding what they’re actually about.

Ready? Okay. Let’s get started.

what is restorative justice?

‘Restorative justice’ is a concept in ethical and legal philosophy that holds itself in contrast to two other kinds of justice: punitive and carceral. Punitive justice is justice as punishment, i.e., an eye for an eye, while carceral justice involves justice as the confinement of criminal offenders. While both have heavy overlaps with one another, they’re distinct in the generality vs the specificity of their outcome: punitive justice can involve the death penalty, property seizure, permanent loss of rights, etc., carceral justice refers strictly just to the incarceration of criminal offenders in institutional facilities (jails, prisons, etc.).

Restorative justice, in contrast, roots itself in the understanding of closing a circle: the best and most holistic way to heal harm one person inflicts on another is to have the person who inflicted the harm make reparations to the person they hurt in a tangible and meaningful way. This can take many forms, and if you’re passingly familiar with restorative justice already, you may have heard about it involving the offender and the victim meeting face-to-face. This does happen sometimes. Personal acknowledgement of the harm you’ve inflicted on someone is important, and direct apologies are important, but these need to also be coupled with actions. The person behind a drunk hit-and-run of a parent could help put their orphaned child through school, or a domestic abuser could be made to take counseling and go on to help deter domestic violence in other households, and so on.

The vast majority of states across the world use punitive/carceral models, though small-scale community trials of restorative justice have been attempted, to varying degrees of success. No one is going to argue that it would be easy to implement, but it is important. Restorative justice is about recognizing that crime, specifically crimes against other people, are fundamentally still about two people: the perpetrator and the victim. And we have to look beyond the words perpetrator and victim to recognize that they are both human beings and challenge ourselves to build a society where our concept of justice means healing hurts instead of retaliation.

It’s not easy, but it is possible. It requires changing your own perceptions of justice and humanity and society and the big wide entire world to have the kind of mindset that allows it to be possible. But it is possible, and I know that from personal experience, because it’s my own mindset and I’ve been through trauma too.

prison abolition and the god of control

Persona 5 has an authority problem. By which I mean, Persona 5 has a problem challenging authority in any way that functionally matters.

The game is drenched in heavy-handed prison imagery, from jail cells to wardens to striped jumpsuits to cuffs and chains to an electric chair. Throughout the long build-up of the main storyline we’re treated to a confectionery delight of punitive justice, stick-it-to-the-man justice: the Thieves find a bad guy who coincidentally has personally hurt or is actively hurting one of their members, and they take it upon themselves to make the bad guy miserable and then send him off to jail. By the end of the arc you’re meant to feel like you accomplished something heroic, that by locking someone up you’re balancing the scales of justice. In the Kamoshida arc Ann even frames this in restorative justice terms, telling him he doesn’t deserve the easy way out of ending his own life and needs to live with his mistakes and repent, but he’s still sent off to jail regardless and Ann and Shiho are left to struggle through the trauma he put them through without anyone to really support them. This repeats itself, over and over: Madarame, Kaneshiro, Okumura, Shido--expose the bad guy, bring him low, publicly shame him, and then send him away (or, in Okumura’s case, watch him die on live TV to riotous cheers from the public).

And what does this all accomplish, in the end? You get to the Depths of Mementos on Christmas Eve to find the souls of humanity locked away in apathy, surrendered willingly to the control of the state, and your targets right there with them, thanking you for helping them return to a place where they don’t have to think of other people as people any more than they did before. In prison, they can forget that they are human beings and that all of the rest of the people in the world are too. The Phantom Thieves march upstairs and defeat the Gnostic manifestation of social control, that being that masquerades itself with lies as the true Biblical god. And then you go back home and the adults tell you that everything is okay now, the system itself isn’t rotten, and you just have to sit back, stop actively participating in the world, and let them take the reins.

It’s one of Persona 5′s most ironic conceits. “Prison abolition....good?” the player asks, and Atlus swats you on the hand and says, “Silly kids, prison abolition completely unnecessary because you can trust the state to not fuck up anyone’s lives anymore ever.” All while using prison imagery to present prisons as institutions inherently divorced from what might constitute actual justice.

Prisons exist because hierarchies exist, and so long as hierarchies exist, inequality will exist and people will commit harm who otherwise likely would not. But you can’t have your cake and eat it too, Atlus. You can’t frame prisons as an inherently unjust institution used to control people because you didn’t do anything to get rid of the hierarchy. You just gave the hydra a few new heads.

restorative justice and rehabilitation

Rehabilitation is Persona 5′s favorite buzz word, and for all that it’s used the game never really clearly defines what it’s supposed to mean. Yaldabaoth uses it as a euphemism to describe the process by which he creates his ideal puppet, but Yaldabaoth bad, and by the end of the game, Yaldabaoth dead. We get barely any time with Igor after that for Igor to define rehabilitation properly on his terms, which is notable in that Igor is the one who’s supposed to be the spiritual mentor of the wild card within the Persona universe.

We can only infer from that that it’s the player who’s meant to define what rehabilitation is by the end of the game, but because the game fails to take any concrete stance on its themes that could in any way undermine the idea that society isn’t functionally broken, it’s hard to figure out what conclusion we’re supposed to draw. As I stated above, the game immediately walks back any insinuations that it’s the institutions themselves that are rotten by having Sae and Sojiro step in and assume responsibility for making the world just by continuing to operate within the rules society itself has created. If you can’t beat them....join them?

If anything the closest we can get to coming up with a definitive understanding of what the game wants us to understand rehabilitation as is when the protagonist is in juvie. During those months we’re treated to an extended cutscene of all of your maxed out confidants taking action to get you out of jail, but because you can trigger this scene even if you haven’t maxed out all of your confidants, and because the outcome (getting out of juvie) is the same even if you haven’t maxed out any besides Sae, then we’re right back where we started.

But that cutscene still has a sliver of meaning to it despite it being largely window-dressing, because the game does push, over and over, the argument that it’s through your bonds with others, through building a community, that you’ll rehabilitate yourself and find true justice.

And that’s what restorative justice is about: community.

the truth: uncovering it vs deciding it

I can’t find enough words to convey how infuriating it is that Atlus comes so close to telling a restorative justice narrative and then completely drops the ball on displaying it at all in Goro’s character arc.

Goro’s concept of justice is fundamentally punitive, the textbook “you hurt me so I’m going to hurt you back.” In doing so he goes on to hurt a whole bunch of other people: orphaning Futaba, orphaning Haru, triggering a mental shutdown in Ohya’s partner Kayo, and also killing countless millions other instances of mental shutdowns, psychotic breakdowns, bribery, and scandal that caused people material harm and, in a handful of cases, killed them.

Yes, Shido gave him the gun, but Goro pulled the trigger. And in a restorative justice framework, you don’t bypass that fact: you actively interrogate it.

There’s been a lot of really great meta about what the circumstances of Goro’s life were like, including the Japanese foster care system, the social stigma of bastardy in Japan and the impact it has on an illegitimate child’s outcomes, and the ways in which Shido groomed and manipulated Goro into being the tool of violence he made him into. These things aren’t excuses for what Goro does, however: they’re explanations for it. They are the complex social issues that create a situation where a child feels his best choice, indeed maybe his only choice, is to take the gun being offered to him and use it on other people. If you want to prevent more kids from slipping through cracks into those kinds of situations, you need to understand the social ills that made those cracks appear in the first place and you need to fix them. Otherwise there will always be another kid, and another recruiter, and another bad choice, and another gun. Systemic problems require systemic solutions.

Even so, none of that bypasses the fact that it was Goro’s hand on that gun, that it was Goro who performed the physical action of killing Wakaba’s and Okumura’s shadows, and that, as a result of Goro’s direct actions, Wakaba and Okumura died. You can say Okumura deserved it all you like, but Haru doesn’t deserve to be an orphan. Haru deserved to repair her relationship with her father. Okumura deserved the chance to learn and make direct, material amends to the employees he hurt and the families of those who died on his watch, and they deserved to have him give them a better way to heal.

But this isn’t about the loss of Okumura making amends to his family or his victims: this is about Goro Akechi, and the fact that even in Royal his fraught relationship with Haru and Futaba is never explored, barely even addressed. There’s not even any personal, direct acknowledgement from him of the pain he put them through.

You can say he doesn’t care, and that’s fine that he doesn’t care. And it is. He’s a fictional character, this is a video game, they are anime characters.

But Persona 5 flirts with the idea of restorative justice and never fully explores it, and it’s a weaker game for that.

the thin place, the veil between worlds, the line in the sand

This is the last part, I promise, and I’ll be short and brief here, because the truth is that none of this matters, at least not in the way that you think. Persona 5 is a story. It’s a lie that we buy. It’s all zeroes and ones and electrical signals and optical images on a blank black screen.

But art can be powerful. Art is like magic, the deepest magic, the oldest kind. We human beings are creatures of art and poetry, of images and patterns, of music and words. Good art, really good art, can allow us to explore new ideas and critique our internal assumptions about how the world works.

No, fiction doesn’t affect reality, not the way that you think it does.

But if you’ve gotten this far, I just got you to read an essay on restorative justice and prison abolition in regards to a Japanese role-playing game, and that is something to think about.

How do you define rehabilitation? What kind of justice do you believe in? Is the way you conceive those things really the best way?

And how much more interesting could a story that challenges those concepts be?

#persona #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #goro akechi #akira kurusu #meta #words

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windblooms · 4 years ago

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answering all the asks i got regarding college offer advice below!

Anonymous said:

So about your college thing - I think that some people lose offers due to failing to disclose a health condition (this is more important for health based courses). Alternatively, this is more of a shot in the dark, underperforming in exams enough so that the place didn't expect it (honestly that would probably take more effort than passing as expected, ya know). I don't think the college can take away an offer unless you either refuse it or some sort of other issue, e.g. a criminal record not being disclosed, occurs

thank you for sending in some advice! orz yeah ;; from the reddit posts i read and dms i received, unless you do something very extreme or your grants tank considerably, then students are fine. so to whichever being is up there i hope the admissions office doesn’t take a look at my grades too much. i plan to major in cs, and my calculus grade dropped from a B to a C this semester, so i’m just like . hoping they ignore that bahahah. thank you again awa

Anonymous said:

About the college stuff- it happens!

One reason could be because of grades. Counselors often warm seniors from just... stopping their efforts once they get accepted. A lot of kids in my school got acceptance letters, stopped going to classes/doing their work, and had their offers received.

Another reason could be because of behavior or posts you make. Which is why there's "no phones, no pictures" rules in some college spaces. What you post can most likely be seen by administration and they can rescind the acceptance if you're pulling stunts or being hateful.

Another reason could be because they don't think you're the right candidate for their school anymore. Goes a bit with the first two, but say you stop attending clubs or sports, which can be essential into getting into colleges (specific ones) and they were reliant on you staying in that for you to come.

If you have any questions feel free to ask! I might pop in your messages if you need specific things answered. Hope this helps.

orz YEAH i heard that colleges actually look at social media pages of students? that’s so wack like . . . i can see why but that just feels like you’re being watched highkey. thank you for the advice and insight though . . . hopefully this info also helps other students who are in a similar bind as i am!!

Anonymous said:

Abt the college thing- assuming you live in the US bc this is my knowledge about the college process - typically that would happen if you do something really bad (I.e., hate crime-y/bullying/HS reports you cheating etc) or if you completely tank your grades (and I mean REALLLLY tank) after they accepted you (slight slips won’t matter- it’s your last year of HS and it happens to a lot of people). Other than that, if they rescind an admission offer out of the blue, I would call the admissions staff and ask why. I would also make sure you have everything they requested of you, sent to them (transcript/letters of rec/essays/whatever they require). Hope this makes sense!

yes, i do live in america (yay?); i sent in all my info regarding admissions, and my parents are just anxious over my grades. last semester i had like a’s-b’s with like . one c iirc, but now i have majority b’s and two c’s with around two a’s. one of those c’s is in calculus, so my parents are concerned because i plan to major in cs, an engineering branch, which pretty much entails mathematic proficiency sigh. everything you said makes sense though! thank you for being so thorough.

Anonymous said:

regarding ur last post abt college application and stuff,

in my past experience usually colleges/universities would set some kind of deadline for you to process ur application further after they have accepted ur application. if u fail to proceed with the application (usually it has something to do with payment if anything else) then they would nullify your application.

i dont think it has anything to do with ur score seeing as you did get accepted in the first place (?)

im sorry if i couldn't help much.

you did help! yep, i did send in all of my stuff, my concern is mostly with grades though ahh. im sure other anons who are looking through this thread will also find advice that they can use if they’re applying to colleges as well!

Anonymous said:

hi hi!! regarding the school thing, i’m not sure if it applies to all unis around the world but from where i’m from, when you apply to university through your grades (not from entrance exam) and the uni accepts you, that’s when they start to verify you grades to see if it’s legit or not like if they find one number off then they might pull the offer even though you’ve already received an invent :(( that’s one of the main reasons i’ve been told why your invitation could get canceled though i’m not sure about other factors!

regardless, i hope you’re doing fine and best of luck in everything you’re going through!!

what you said is true! it’s encouraged that seniors still try with their classes, even after they’ve been given offers by colleges. that’s what counselors tell us at least, but from actually college students, i’ve heard rescinded offers are actually pretty rare, even if your grades do slip . . . so i’m genuinely hoping that it seldom happens because . gosh . urk ahsdflasj

thank you for the well wishes!! same to you anon, and everyone who sent in advice.

#anon.ask #al.ans #al's sh/tposts

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signetxego · 4 years ago

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Okay so. I was thinking about things. Things being the flintseol dorm story. And idk now i’m Dying To Talk About It so here is a very detailed crash course on the Boys PLEASE talk to me abt it im begging you hit up my dms i’ll marry you

Under the cut for obscenely long post for smth with no actual writing.

When Ace loses his alchemy homework, Epel advices he goes to his classmate Blaise for help, who can find anything if he gets a good description of it. Ace, Epel, Deuce, Yuu and Grim find Blaise, who uses his unique magic to locate the lost homework.

Deuce is really impressed, and tells Blaise that a magic like that is super valuable, but Blaise becomes downcast and explains that he can’t find things unless he has a clear idea of what he’s looking for in his minds eye, so it only really helps him retrieve small things that he’s already seen. It never works for the thinks he’s looking for.

Blaise goes on to say that the dorm he is in, Flintseol, has a long-standing legend, one that has puzzled students since the founding of the dorm. The first dorm leader, before he left the school, hid a stash of treasure somewhere on the grounds, and a trail of clues to locate it. Over the years, nobody has been able to solve the puzzles and locate the treasure.

Grim and Ace her excited at the prospect of treasure, and ask Blaise if they can help him look for it, and split it between them, however Blaise gets annoyed and says that a true pirate doesn’t accept help, and he can do it by himself. He storms off, but Ace isn’t willing to give up on a legendary stash of treasure hidden, and suggests that they try and find it without Blaise’s help.

After school, they go to the library, to do some research and see if they can find any hints on where the first clue is. As they talk, they are overheard by a strange boy with a mechanical eye, who joins their conversation, and tells them it’s been years since students from another dorm have tried to find Flintseol’s hidden treasure vault. Yuu mentions that it’s odd, since surely students from other dorms, like Azul or Ruggie, would want to get their hands on something so valuable. The cyborg laughs, and tells them that the first clue is hidden in the Flintseol dorms, and it’s protected fiercely. An unseemly fate awaited all students who tried to break in and steal it, and so eventually they all gave up.

He says that over years, clues have been found and lost, their whereabouts gone forever. Pirates can’t be expected to work together, especially when treasure is involved. He encourages them to do their best finding the treasure, but once he leaves Yuu decides he sounded quite patronising.

The next day, the gang decide to sneak into the Flintseol dormitory, having stolen some uniforms from Vil’s stash in the pomefiore dorm. However, as soon as they set foot inside they find that it’s nothing like any other dorm, and they struggle to find their way around the complicated layout without disrupting any students. They’re saved from a run-in with some delinquents by Blaise, who pulls them aside after a time limit fight and asks them what they’re doing at his dormitory.

Blaise tries to convince them to leave, but Ace and Grim are determined to find the clue for the treasure. Blaise is torn, but eventually decides to sneak them up to the port, an area at the top of the dorm where most of the ships are docked. At the end of the largest of the rope bridges, is a single mirror carved into the floor, the first clue.

After looking around the mirrors on campus, Blaise thinks they should sneak into the dorm leaders room, since a mirror hangs in there. Blaise picks the lock and he and Yuu sneak in whilst the others stand guard.

They find nothing around the mirror, but Blaise’s attention is drawn to a folder slightly open. Going through it, he and Yuu find some old photos, moving back into sketches and portraits from the past at NRC. it seems to be the dorm leaders personal investigations into the treasure stash. They go from very old to very recent, and there are some of the current flintseol students.

Meanwhile, outside, Deuce and Epel are spotted by Inigo, who they mistakenly believe to be the dorm leader due to his strict way of speaking to them. They try to stall him, but he quickly realises they’re not members of his dorm, and drags them by the ears down the corridor, where he sees Blaise and Yuu leave Finnian’s room. He says that as much as he can’t stand finnian, he has to turn them in for breaking the key rule of the dorm, respect the captain above all else.

Inigo drags the group into the common room, and loudly announces that there are intruders in the dorm, and the dorm leader needs to deal with them. The commotion draws a huge crowd, and inigo uses his unique magic to trap the perpetrators in front of a portrait of a pirate holding out his hand, after Grim tries to make a runner.

Finnian appears, and Yuu is like ‘oh i thought i recognised u st the library it’s bc ur the dorm leader and were at the entrance ceremony. He laughs and seems pleased to see Yuu and the idiot gang, he gives them a lecture abt going through his stuff, although blaise retorts that he shouldn’t have left it lying around so carelessly. Importantly, he tells them that trying to follow the trail of clues will be pointless, since over the years students have taken clues for themselves and hidden them.

This angers a lot of the spectators, saying that the treasure must exist somewhere and they can definitely find it. Finnian laughs at their optimism, and tells them that their mindless enthusiasm is worthless without the drive to use your brain. It’s why none of them have overthrown him as dorm leader. At least Blaise was able to find the best hint there is left in the school.

He touches the threads binding them, and they shimmer and melt. He then tells them to start running, and not to drop the picture folder. Theres a rhythmic thingy where the idiots run away from the rest of the dorm, chasing them to try and get the folder for themselves.

They get split up as they run, and Yuu ends up with Grim and Blaise. After settling down, Yuu contemplates on how Finnian seemed totally different to when they met him in the library yesterday. Blaise says that his mood is pretty unpredictable, and he doesn’t take anything seriously. Grim asks what finnian meant when he said ‘none of you have managed to replace me as dorm leader’ and Blaise explains unique way Flintseol dork choses it’s leader. Apparently, the treasure hidden in the dorm was the puzzle set by the first dorm leader, so technically it’s the ultimate test to be ‘worthy’ of the dorm, but nobody really cares abt that, they just want that sweet gold.

Grim agrees that he just wants the gold, and prompts the other two to go through the folder from finnian’s room, to see if they can find out what he meant by ‘the biggest clue’ being hidden in there. They find an annotated excerpt from a diary, written by the first leader of the dorm. What catches their attention most is the annotation ‘surrender your physical riches to the spirit of adventure’.

At this point, Inigo finds them, and tells Blaise he always hides in this cupboard when he wants to get out of chores. Since they’re not technically breaking rules anymore, since Finnian let them go, he’s not going to fight them. Blaise shows him the excerpt from inside the folder, and explains that he’s not going to give up, and that he doesn’t think finding the treasure is impossible at all. If the dorm leader thinks that, then he’s not fit to uphold the spirit of this dorm at all.

Inigo starts to say something, but bites his tongue, and sighs, saying it’s not really any of his business as long as the day to day life of the dorm is ticking over smoothly. He explains the meaning behind the ‘adventurous spirit’ that Flintseol is founded on. The one-eyed cyborg who they follow the example of was a legendary pirate who followed a treasure map to the greatest stash of treasure in the galaxy, but in the end he gave it up to save a young shipmate who was travelling with him. Afterwards, he stopped seeking treasure, and traveled the universe alone, not bound by materialistic possessions, and instead basking in the wonders of the galaxy. Contrary to the popular image they portray, Flintseol aren’t pirates, they’re supposed to be explorers. Although, that ideal has been lost over time, as the dorms obsession with finding the rumoured stash of treasure has shown.

Blaise finds it upsetting that Inigo is so disillusioned with the other students in the dorm, and says that he never thought Finnian would turn out to be that type of person.

Inigo tells Blaise that Finnian isn’t someone he should look up to, he’s someone who can be pretty terrifying and toys with people to get what he wants from them. He’s clever, and Inigo gets the feeling he intended to leave that folder lying on his bed for someone to find, but he’s not sure why. Knowing Finnian, if there was a clue in there, he’d be able to crack it himself.

Suddenly, there’s a huge commotion outside, and the four rush over to the nearest window to see the rest of the idiots getting into a fight outside. Inigo rolls his eyes and says that they’re totally on track to getting killed, and instructs Blaise, Yuu and Grim to stay put whilst he goes and gets them.

Once he leaves, Blaise notices how quiet it is inside. It seems the commotion caused is so large that almost all of the Flintseol students have gone to watch. Yuu thinks it’s unnerving how bloodthirsty they are, and Blaise admits that things can be a bit rowdy at times. He looks down at the folder again, and reiterates how determined he is to find the treasure, and explains to Yuu why he was so eager to join Flintseol after Finnian overthrew his older brother as dorm leader. He wants more than anything to prove his worth, and puts his determination into his unique magic to locate ‘the spirit of adventure’ mentioned in the journal. To his shock, a green thread does appear at the end of his finger.

He and the ramshackle duo follow it to the main lounge where they had spoken to Finnian earlier, where it connects to the outstretched hand of the pirate in the portrait they had seen earlier. Blaise realises this pirate isn’t actually a pirate, he’s supposed to be the young shiphand who the cyborg gave up the stash of treasure to protect.

After thinking it over, Blaise solves the puzzle. As the cyborg achieved happiness through surrendering his ‘treasure’ to this boy, they must do the same to find the hidden treasure.

But what constitutes a treasure? Blaise admits that even though he is very wealthy, he doesn’t have anything that could be considered treasure. He tries handing money to the portrait, but nothing happens. Yuu suggests that maybe you need to give up a personal treasure, something that it hurts to part with. Blaise thinks of what it might hurt him to part with, and finally settles on an old, rusty compass. He explains that it was a gift from his grandfather, and was supposed to always point him back home, so he could explore to his hearts content without worrying about getting lost. He places it in the portraits hand, and the portrait moves to grip the compass. Blaise jumps away and the portrait stretches and turns into a huge door on the wall.

Going through the door and down some steps, they find a huge chamber filled to the brim with gold and jewels. Truly, a legendary stash of treasure. They take a moment to be happy, until the rest of the idiots come down the stairs and O.O at the treasure as well.

Grim asks why they went and got in such a huge fight, and Ace explains that it wasn’t their fault. They ran right into that creepy robotic dorm leader, who used wind magic exactly like his to attack some nearby students, and vanished as soon as the fighting started.

As if on cue, Finnian comes down the stairs behind the idiots, waving happily. He congratulated Blaise on solving the puzzle, even if he did need an awful lot of help from his dear dorm leader. Finnian says that he had discovered the secret to finding the treasure at the end of last year, and had debated over his to get a hold of it. The last puzzle was really unfair. The point of the trail of puzzles was to hammer in the belief that experiences are worth far more than material possessions. To achieve the ‘spirit of adventure’ and uncover the most sacred mystery of the dorm, you’d have to give up something physically important to you.

Of course, it was probably stupid of the first dorm leader to expect a pirate to change their ways. He didn’t care about the experience of a treasure hunt, or the reputation it would give him, he wanted the treasure! He wasn’t going to play along with the puzzle, and give something up, so he tricked Blaise into doing it for him. From telling Yuu and the others where to find the first clue, to leaving his folder out and hinting at the clues hidden inside, and finally to clearing out the dorm by starting a fight, so that when Blaise opened up the treasure vault, nobody else would be around to intrude as he snuck in after him.

Blaise is understandably quite angry, and says that was a horrible thing to give up his compass for. Besides, what does Finnian hope to achieve with this treasure? If everyone knows that he wasn’t the one that found it, what does he get from it?

Finnian doesn’t answer, as a loud rumbling sound behind in the background. Shouts can be heard above them. Finnian guesses that the first lot of students got bored of Inigo’s lectures and returned to the lounge, to see the newfound door. Sadly for them, they can’t get in, since his unique magic is holding the door shut. However, Blaise notes that a few students couldn’t be making such a noise by themselves, and when rocks start clattering down from the ceiling he realises the treasure room must be about to collapse down. They try to get through the door, but it’s been turned into a wall of silver. Blaise shouts through, and manages to communicate to Inigo on the other side what’s happening. Inigo tells them that if they break Finnian’s concentration, his unique magic will reverse.

They fight Finnian and get the door back to normal, and Inigo and the rest of Flintseol pour in. Finnian is trying to gather the treasure, and Inigo urges him to leave because theres no way he can take all the treasure before the room collapses. Finnian uses his unique magic to turn the walls of the chamber to silver, and try to forcibly keep it upright. As he expands his magic, the silver begins to cover the floor and grow up some students feet, pinning them in place. After exerting all this magical power and arguing with Inigo, Finnian overblots, and the squad have to fight him before he runs out of magic and the chamber fully collapses.

After the overblot we unlock Finnian’s Tragic Backstory TM, which starts with him as a tiny little kid helping his father care for his ailing mother, in a very run down, poor area of the city. His father promises that even though things are hard, as long as they all stay together, things will be okay, and gives Finnian a tiny, hand-knitted teddy bear to accompany him as he cares for his mother. Later, his mother dies, and as Finnian sits with her in her last moments, his father gets up and walks away. Finnian tries to run after him, but can’t find him, and when he returns his mother has passed away. He decides that whatever his father said was false, clearly ‘staying together’ and ‘family’ were not all that mattered. He left because they were not enough for him, and because all humans are selfish and want material goods to prove themselves. Finnian took to growing up on the streets, amassing as much wealth as he could through gambling and stealing, getting richer and richer every time he betrayed someone’s trust and took what they had for his own. The only way to be happy had to be through selfishness, right? But still, he didn’t feel any happier than he had when his mother was alive. So, he must be doing something wrong. He obviously didn’t have enough yet. Not enough money, not enough possessions. Not enough rare trinkets collected from across the land. He must not have been selfish enough yet, for simply no amount of treasure in the world could make him feel any happier.

When he wakes up, Blaise, Inigo and the idiots have dragged him out of the chamber, which has completely collapsed. Inigo scolds him for being so stupid and losing control, when he’s supposed to be the one who always has *everything* under control. Finnian comments that on retrospect, he should’ve predicted the chamber being set to self destruct. Why would a quest about giving up material possessions give you a huge hoard of treasure at the end?

He apologises to Blaise for losing his compass, and admits that the real reason he didn’t open the portrait himself was because he doesn’t have anything of value to give away, nothing he’s tried has worked. Blaise thinks back to when he was in Finnian’s room, and remembers seeing an old, knitted bear lying by the bed, and asks why he didn’t try something like that. Finnian says he only kept the bear to remind him not to get too comfortable around people, but realises that the real reason he hung onto it was because it reminded him of the happy times when he had a family, and all this time, it had really been his most valued possession. It’s enough to make him laugh, which causes him to fall backwards again, and get dragged off by Inigo to the infirmary.

As Blaise goes to follow, he catches a glint of gold in the corner of the room. The portrait on the floor is broken, and behind the frame sits his compass, untouched, and with a note behind it, old and worn, reading ‘congratulations for solving the puzzle. continue to search for adventure and happiness in the skies, and stay true to yourself.’ he pockets the message, and decides to show it to Finnian once he’s better.

A few days later, the idiots are invited back to Flintseol by Finnian, who has made a full recovery, and is as lively as ever before. Grim grumbles about how he’s hardly changed following his overblot, and is still a bit of a weirdo, and Inigo sighs and says that’s just his personality. Finnian invites them out, and the group fly on their brooms/hoverboard to the top of a huge cliff, where the view of the starts is completely beautiful, and Inigo informs them that hopefully they’ll be able to come and visit the dorm more often now that students have no need to protect the clues to the treasure. Although, he decides, looking over at Finnian, that whilst someone so unpredictable is dorm leader, they and he as well would probably be safer keeping themselves at arms length.

And tadaaah everything is fixed and the mystery has been solved!!!

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #twst #twst oc #twst fan dorm #flintseol #finnian argent #inigo ciellion #blaise rosien #shiro writes #or rather... shiro word vomits #inigo doing an impression of finnian on game night for charades like: boo hoo my parents r dead im gonna destroy the school :

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years ago

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P-please talk about your Rito OC, please... ramble without any context, please... I have one too... please make me feel less alone...

Ok ok let me just *unloads all of Illeka’s super angsty self-indulgent backstory*

I technically have two backstories, one for botw that I’m gonna use for my fic Where Time Takes Us, and another I use for my dnd campaign. My dnd one is more fleshed out (thanks to my amazing GM) so I’ll probably just share that one.

Warning for super duper long post that is barely coherent and I haven’t checked for typos and also rip to ADHD folks because I have no pictures to ease your brain with. Anyhow prepare for like thousands of words worth of rambles this is not edited at all

This is just a copy paste of the random incoherent shit I sent to my poor DM. Anyhow, I technically have 3 ocs here, but Illeka is the one I play

A weird Rito, that one is. I hear they’ve only cried at birth...

- Illeka was born on the Day of Living Fire, its a celebration of the dead essentially, where you mourn and remember your loved ones and ancestors and all that. It’s superstition to be *born* on this day, because your life/creation takes away from the day that’s supposed to honor the dead, and some people on birb island believe these things, that if you let the kid live it’s a curse. But most people are like no wtf you boomers it’s fine there’s no such thing you crazy old people are weird, which to be fair is kinda true.

- When Talako is around 6, his single mom dies. He’s adopted by a new family, Kala (also around 6 years old) and her parents.

- Illeka meets Talako after he kinda follows her around, because he’s an innocent cinnamon bun that admires Illeka’s calm and stoic demeanor after they help him with some bullies. Through this, Talako, Illeka, and Kala all become best friends.

- The events in Illeka’s life aren’t really helping their whole curse case. Every bad event, from their dad getting injured and having the slightest limp, to their brother, Zekk nearly setting himself on fire— it’s all a supposed punishment for not killing them when they were bored. But at this point most people brush it off as coincidence, besides, nothing THAT bad has happened yet.

- the trio of friends grow strong, becoming some of the best in their arts on the island. And their relationship is seemingly adorable. The serious ~~cursed~~ one, the optimistic sunshine one, and the sarcastic firey one. Prides of their village, set to protect their people from harm.

- Illeka is the best in the village when it comes to physical fights. Trusty halberd, and a keen shot with a bow, they’ve never lost a sparring match on that front. Their personality is offputting to some, there’s a rumour that they’ve never cried. The easiest of jokes, and the vilest of insults don’t spark much reaction from them— except in the presence and topic of their family, Kala, and Talako. But otherwise, the story goes that the cursed kid doesn’t have a soul, and hence, no morality or emotions.

- When they train with Talako and Kala, they never back down, if only out of respect, Illeka wouldn’t want to embarrass them with pity. Talako always laughs at his inevitable defeat, though he tries nonetheless. He promises that one day he’ll be strong enough to beat them.

- Talako is a pleasant soul, but has an nack for adventure and a hint of chaos. He prefers to dual wield daggers, and on occasion a short sword or two. He’s great with the blade, loves the thrill of the fight, but is more skilled with cooking and physical healing and remedies. He’s always the one encouraging fun celebratory hang outs at the tavern, with his two closest friends after a day of guarding the village. Kala always sides with him, and Illeka typical gives in after at least putting on a show of reluctance. He humble and happy and loved by most of the village, if only things would last

- Kala is of wit and cunning, she’s typically the first to speak. She’s headstrong and not afraid to insult whoever she displeases, and a bit too arrogant in her abilities. She laughs at all of Talako’s jokes, if perhaps only to spite Illeka’s groans. She’s also the most strategic of her friends, being the “one with a plan” in battle. While she’s a decent wield of two khopesh, Kala’s mostly gifted with magic. She’s got a knack for conjuring, though is well researched in other types as well. Illeka and her are an even match, with decent win ratios on either end. Illeka doesn’t take it that personally, they suck/hate magic after all. Kala’s a bit more competitive tho.. While her power in magic is certainly the best on all of the island, she can’t help but feel salty/jealous for always being overshadowed by Illeka’s feats, since the people prefer/understand the physical over the magic.

- Oh, and she was born on day after the Day of Living Fire, according to her parents. How lucky.

- In a sense, they’re all a bit of an outcast. Kala the fiery independent one, a bit sidecasted for prefering magic over steel. Talako the weird orphan, for being a chirpy, happy boi, which is a bit annoying for some. And Illeka…well lets just say their situation isn’t going to be improving

- One year, Illeka’s family is expecting more kids, twin sisters at that! It’s the most excited anyone’s ever seen Illeka, thought perhaps that’s not the right word… They’ve still got their usual demeanor, but they did spend nearly a week crocheting little baby hats and tunics and scarves. They threatened to kill their brother if they told anyone, although Zekk was allowed to let it slip to Tal and Kala

- [They are absurdly good at crochet btw. They never do it anymore to try and maintain their “reputation,” but their family will never forget the time they crafted matching blankets and hats to win a little competition in their home town.]

- Then the Day of Living Fire arrives for that year. Theres a little celebration for Illeka’s birthday, before moving on to other activities.

- The twins die that night.

- The village was in a bit of shock…and rumours grow considering the timing of it. The mysterious circumstance of it…well it does turn the heads of even some of the less-superstitious. The rumours, the death, the silent thought that perhaps that cursed bird caused some babies’ death, Illeka endured it.

- Years later would it get worse.

- Illeka is still publically respected at this point, weird rumours sure, but try telling that to the edge of her halberd. Their mother had made the twin’s shrine, but they say Illeka didn’t visit that often. Talako was always by their side, trying to help them, which was always appreciated, even when they tried to hide it.

- Kala was busy in the library these days.

- Zekk had started a family by now, a little baby birb named Mili hatched into the world. Illeka would often steal her away for little cuddles when they (thought) no one was looking. Zekk would jest that they had to fight for the right to hold his own kid. Kala would also occasionally tease them about it, though Tal was mostly happy to see them in better spirits

- Then, another Day of Living Fire.

- Talako and Illeka were usually on guard duty together, the northern patrol by the village edge. But tal was still a bit worried about his friend’s state of mind, he’s not sure he’d even seen them mourn. He pushes for Illeka to take the day off, it’s technically their birthday after all, plus they can pay their respected at the shrines and attend the festivities and do the ceremonies and all that. Illeka denies it, brushing it off like they always do.

- Soon, their nightly patrol begins, and Illeka is about to set off to met up with Talako, but Kala intercepts. She has a talk with them, similar to that of Talako’s, but with…more well crafted and laced words. It’s nearly the same message that Talako tried to tell them, “It’ll be healthy for you, visit the shrines, be with your family, maybe brush off some rumours in the process.” Illeka nearly denies again, joking that Talako would get afraid of the dark if they didn’t show up. But Kala interjects, stating that she’s already made plans to take the patrol that nigth with Tal. Trusting their friends to be safe in each others care, Illeka relents and takes the day off.

- …yeah. so

- perhaps you can see where this is going.

- Kala’s jealousy had been growing over the years. Not only was she being shadowed by Illeka and their non magic ways, but it was irritating even more that all the talk about magic in the town was not of her exceptional abilties, but of stupid rumours and non-existent evil curses. If the people wanted show, she’d give them a show

- This mindset made her spars with Illeka a bit more personal as of late, getting it in her head that she needed to get stronger, strong enough to best Illeka with ease. Strong enough so that there would be no question who was the best warrior on the island, magic, bows, halberds, or no.

- The library had many forgotten books that she had been studying. Conjuring, rituals, illusions, necromancy. It was all…beautiful. Kala soaked in every word, sometimes berating the bookkeeper offhandedly for not keeping them in the best condition

- In her research she eventually found a beast. A..thing, a demon? A monster, the specifics weren’t there, but the gist of it was, if you had the courage to summon it, it would grant you the knowledge for attaining anything you desired. All it asked in return was…to eat some people.

- But not just any people mind you! Supposedly the ritual only worked for the people with the greatest of ambitions, willing to sacrifice the lives of people they might care about. The sacrifices had to be of someone with great trust and bond with the person.

- Kala’s parents disappeared that day, a few feathers laid about, but there was no blood.

- Near the northern border, by a open field, a weird circle dripped the grass red

- Talako waited by the village edge, ready to fly off with their patrol partner when they arrived. When Kala greeted him, he was a bit surprised, but happy when she explained that Illeka had gone off back to town.

- Indeed Illeka was with their family now, as the sun started to set. Occasionally, a passerby would give them a weird glance before walking swiftly away.

- Somewhere in the northern border, a warrior is knocked unconcious, and dragged upon a blood red pattern

- Illeka is by her sisters’ shrine. For the sliver of a moment, they contemplate crying.

- Then an explosion is heard off in the distance

- Talako was wide awake at this point, although his wings being pinned to his sides wasn’t that helpful considering there was a giant, *giant* dark monster in front of him.

- Kala lets off a final remark, saying it was for his own good. The death would be swifter if he didn’t squirm.

- He whipped back at her, glaring with a fire she hasn’t seen before. He calls her a coward for tricking Illeka, a coward for kill their parents, a coward for not even giving him the decency to fight for his life.

- She nearly smiles at the last remark. “Fine.” She tosses him his blades. “You were never much of a warrior anyway.”

- Illeka was flying towards the booming sound at full speed, nearly knocking over their family and other mourning, people in the process. A few others had tried to slow them down, claiming they should suit of better first, before confronting whatever had been the source of the explosion. Illeka didn’t listen.

- They barely had time to grab a weapon, before approaching the northern border. After gracing the crests of the hill tops, they finally saw it. A giant demonic beast, snapping it’s jaws against a flying dash of black feathers, Talako.

- Illeka called out to him, nearly dashing off into the air again, but they stopped when they spotted Kala, standing idlely by next to her.

- Before they could even speak, before they could even question why she was acting so nonchalantly while their best friend was fighting for their life against an evil monstrosity, Kala shook her head and spoke. “You always have to ruin my fun, don’t you?” She struck a magic blow and Illeka, square in the chest.

- It knocked them to the ground, but they got up, setting their halberd and pointing it at them.

- Then insert some dramatic scene where Kala is like “you’re so selfish, hogging all the attention, thinking you’re better than me, but today I’m gonna finally best you mwahaha” and Illeka is like “wtf why did you do this? I thought we were friends? I trusted you?? the fuck? also talako is our friend!!?” and then its “yeah thats right I manipulated your stupid feelings to gain the upperhand. you’re super pathetic honestly for falling for it. anyhow yeah talako will probably die, i tried to give him the luxary of a swift death but he wouldn’t listen, so now he’s probably gonna get brutally slayed lol” and illeka is all “I’ll kill you” and kala is “no u. This whole thing is gonna give me so much power no ones gonna question me again” and then they fight each other

- The duel is nearly a draw, Kala’s magical ability is certainly is certainly stronger, but she’s not as all powerful without that knowledge from the demon monster guy that needs to eat his meal. Illeka is fighting with all theyve got, but all they brought was a halberd, but they are very fueled by rage and spite so it’s still an even match. Illeka eventually lands a blow that’s got Kala bleeding severely, but Kala pretty much almost kills them with a direct attack. Kala’s too weak to finish the job, plus those other guards have finally started to fly and approach in the distance, so she flys off. Illeka finally slips into unconsciousness.

- When they wake up, it’s almost sunrise. Their mom is shaking them awake, part of the party that was investigating the explosion that summoned the beast. Illeka bolts up, they’re still in the field were they had fought Kala, but she and the beast are no where to be seen.

- They run off, trying to find Talako, and ho boy do they find him alright. His body is crumpled by some rocks, his wing nearly ripped clean off, theres so much blood, even a warrior like Illeka can hardly bare it. Some small bit of hope in their head thinks that he might still be alive, and they listen to his chest to see if he’s still breathing.

- His eyes flicker once at Illeka, his chest rises, then falls for the last time.

- Illeka cries.

- Then, still pretty wounded and tired, they collapse again

- The days following are living hell. Kala hasn’t been found, and their her parent’s [bodies]. The rumours are creeping as ever, at the coincidence of Illeka and this disaster. They spend nearly a weak in bed at home, recovering physically, thought probably not mentally.

- As soon as they’ve fully recovered, Illeka’s mind is set. They are going to leave, no more warrior/village protection for them. They’re going to travel far off, train and hone their skills in combat, and find and kill Kala.

- Their family is opposed to this at first, but in the end nothing they say changes Illeka’s mind.

- In a sense, there was another, unspoken reason Illeka was leaving the islands. They didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

- Hell, the rhetoric is even stronger down the line, concerning the fate of poor Mili. Illeka has given in and accepted it, they are cursed to cause pain to the people they care about. [It’s basically that trope of the character isn’t actually cursed but they believe they’re cursed] Illeka will stay away, and go it alone for as long as they can. Then once the deed is done, once they draw Kala’s corpse across the mud, they’ll probably fly off somewhere far to die, before anyone else gets hurt. It’s probably best for their family never to see them again.

- - - - - -

Wow you did it, you made it through the super angsty self-indulgent backstory congrats. Illeka is my lil baby and I love them and I’ve gonna send them on a revenge quest and then they were gonna have a cool character arc probably about learning to grieve and have self worth and all that and to actually allow themselves to show emotions for once in their lives. That’s the general plan I had in my head anyhow

But you know what my dm thought?

They were like how about mORE ANGSt

Fucking shit you not, session three of the campaign, I’m heading back to birb island because of circumstances, and I’m getting supplies from my blacksmith dad and showing off this sword that says “fuck” a lot that I got from a dungeon that took a selkie’s soul which they gave up willingly in exchange for fire hair...long story

but THEN I meet up with my bro Zekk and it’s like “wassup bro just passing through” but then I find out that Talako’s shrine thing was DESTORYED by some unknown entity and that’s very not good because spirituality and all that

and also I find Mili and they’re a cute lil toddler birb now aww it’s so great hope nothing happens to them because I sure do have enough emotional traume to burden right now. anyhow due to CIRCUMSTANCES our only lead to the thing that destroyed Talako’s shrine is 1) a delinquent named Chesio [that our party nicknamed cherrio because the GM misspelled it the first time i think] who apparently was Talako’s shitty cousin and his only living relative who could build his shrine and 2) the destruction of the shrine lines up with a period of time where Mili went missing but its ok she came back so her parents were like “chill we gucci”

Our party decides we should go down the Mili lead [because I accidentally knocked Cherrio i mean Chesio to near death with a crit roll with my halberd so they’re in the infirmary now but it’s really not my fault that they triggered my emotional trauma by mentioning how I keep running away from grief and never staying around to confront it it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine] so we stop by Zekk’s house and we’re like “hey so remember when you disappeared for like a week where did you go, and then mili was like “oh it’s in this cavern that no one knows about and I can’t really give you the directions but I can lead you there if you take me with you” in which I then glare at the GM for this obvious attempt to force us to take Mili with us to put her in danger and apparently I was the ONLY one who cared about this because everyone else in the party was ready to adopt this birb child, and Zekk was like “sure take the kiddy harness” so here I am, watching my niece run around in a kiddy harness that’s also attached to me, while my Chaotic neutral party someone gets grilled cheese sandwiches in the background

Badabing, badaboom, we come to some crystal caverns. while I, being one of the only members of the party with morals other than one chaotic good dragonborn, am watching the selkie, halfoot, and elf girl steal a bunch of crystals, Mili fucking DISAPPEARS the fucking KIDDY HARNESS fucking NOT GOOD she FCUKING SLIPPED OUT AND SHES GONE AND IM FREAKING OUT

after about an hour or two of searching through the deeper parts of the cavern and tunnel and also fighting a minotaur and discovering an abandoned arena and a cleric, long story. We find Mili fucking laying on A NECROMANCER’S RITUAL CIRCLE WHAT THE FU-

I pull a “I don’t hesitate bitch” on the hooded dude that’s hovering and chanting shit. He’s dead, it’s all swell. Saved the day, the evil’s dead. Mili’s fine she can go back to being a cute lil baby who loves shiny rocks and-

oh wAIT actually Mili is still transformed into a demonic monster and the necromancer dude was actually in the middle of completing a ritual to bring her back to life after he killed her a few times

So turns out, necromancer dead dude was hired by a mysterious someone, to steal something from Talako’s shrine, and to destroy any evidence. Turns out, his methodology for doing so was to kidnap some birb kid who had the misfortune of wander too close, killing them, turning them into some demonic monster that does their bidding, using that monster to steal and ruin some shit, and then when the day’s done he turns them back like nothing happened. Sure do wish he was alive to redo that last part

I’m freaking out, the party’s freaking out, that sword from earlier is cursing to high heaven for no apparent reason. Cleric unhelpfully remarks how it was a bad idea that we impulsively killed the evil dude bro, yes wow thank you for the help

Eventually everything’s fine. After a few round of shouting “NO ONE TOUCH MY FUCKING NIECE OR YOU DIE” after said demonic niece is kinda mindlessly attacking everyone, we eventually do some good ol blunt force trauma and a bit of magic and BOOM. Mili’s back. Although they do have permanent black ritual markings on them but its fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinee (its not)

We find a note on necromancer dude bro that his employer was from another island, so that’s a lead yay Find Out Next SessionTM but at this point I really don’t care as I’ve already started tying Mili to my chest and walking back to the village

I go back to Zekk’s house, hand off Mili, explain everything that happened, give a super heart feel apology about how I pretty much killed Mili (even though I really didn’t but also as we all know Illeka is an angsty birb who’s steadfast in the idea that their existence hurts everyone they love so yay <3) and then I leave as fast as I can before anyone can protest sure was nice visiting my family after i’ve been away for a few months sure am glad that my inner thoughts about staying away weren’t justified whatsoever hmmmmmm

A session or two passes. We try to assassinate and elf’s evil parents and fail, we get into a Fake Dating Being Someone’s Children Au with a dragon. The selkie keeps trying to date everyone, even thought they’re already married to a necromancer princess and a boat (long story) and inbetween we head to that island that note i got was talking about and turns out it was to a place where all your inner demons and anxieties manifest into reality and taunt you, until youre slowly broken down to the point where the evil dictator on the island can “magic” away your problems with puppet strings. fun for the whole family!

Anyways, after our party fights out evil neon-blue clones, I get a lead from dictator dude that the employer I’m looking for is a Rito that’s good with magic, and was last seen headed east, in the same direction we just came from. fun.a

So I’m kinda low on leads, other than the fact that theres a magic school in the east, but in between we have to deal with the fact that husboat (again, the boat that is married to the selkie who is also our entire party’s form of transportation across the ocean. wait a sec did I mention that we weren’t in Hyrule? We’re not in Hyrule, this is a flooded land with a bunch of islands. Think wind waker) was being chased by pirates. also these pirates were the ones that raised the selkie, and also they kinda also slaughtered an entire island of halffoots in their time with the pirates, and also that island was the one that the halffoot in our party grew up in. So basically that’s some cool tension and drama. Anyhow, back to moi

One talk about how “no we cannot kidnap aNOTHER priest” to the selkie and elf later... magic school! Magic school is pretentious and I hate it. Everythings glowy, they don’t allow you to fly over the gates. There’s puffy noble middle aged men and children in bedazzled cloaks. There’s magic in the air and I swear I would choke and die on the glitter and rainbows of it all.

Half the party is off getting into cloak fashion, I head off with my dragonborn friend Ness because highfive! We’re the only one’s with morals in this party! Morality pals! (This is saying something considering I am true neutral and she’s chaotic good but we might as well be clerics in this party...)

My morality pal and I and hanging around, then we catch word that there’s this transfer student that no one has seen in a while and “oh I wonder where she could be” and all that jazz from other students. Mortality pals are like “ok let’s go look for her” so we drag the rest of the party off of their larceny spree and look around.

Eventually, after I spot a tattered cloak roaming the halls that matches the description of the gossip, we find the transfer student.

TURNS OUT (unsurprisingly honestly given the way the dm framed stuff) this transfer student is someone I know. She’s standing there, in the middle of the room, preparing to do some ritual or something. She’s standing there, my life purpose, my one and only goal, literally the only reason I’m still going in life, my arch nemesis, my target, my mortal fucking enemy. It’s Kala.

Ness sees a demon dog in the background and says hi, ruining our element of surprise, but to be fair, she doesn’t know it’s Kala.

Kala whips around from her table thing. We make eye contact. Her face suddenly shift from confusion to surprise to bewilderment to shock to happiness.

Happiness.

“Illeka I thought you were dead!” Kala runs towards me, but I’m too shocked to move.

She’s smiling. It’s not sadistic, it’s not...harmful, it’s just genuine joy. For a moment I thought I saw a tear in her eye.

Kala hugs me for a long moment, before letting go. “So how did you survive?”

...

In my head I’m thinking, “oh you fuck face”

THE. AUDACITY. OF. THIS. BITCH.

“HOWD I SURVIVE” UH NO THANKS TO YOU FOR ALMOST KILLING ME FOR YOUR STUPID RITUAL WHATEVER THAT KILLED TALAKO WTFFF

ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO PULL THE SAME TRICK AGAIN??? GONNA PRETEND TO BE ALL SENTIMENTAL AND NICE JUST TO TRY AND KILL ME LATER ON? HA OK OK

how about instead, I do the one good thing, the one worthwhile thing I can do in my entire life...just one simple course of action that might hope to make up for the mountain of regret that is my entire existence.

I am finally going to kill you.

Kala’s staring at me, eyes curious, head tilted as if all she ever did was ask what I had for brunch.

I blink once, and my neutral expression, faintly coated with shock morphs into determination.

I roll for initiative.

- - - - - -

It’s 1am.

So have a cliffhanger, kinda.

If anyone bothers to read this far, congrats! Your reward is me being lazy. I’ll tell you what happened sometime tomorrow if anyone really wants to know :P Long story short, it doesn’t end how I, and therefore probably you, would except.

#haha brain go- shamelessly talk about Illeka for 3 thousand words #i actually dont know the word count i didnt check i think it's 4k??#the thing i copy pasted is like 2k and the campaign stuff i added is....idk #not botw kinda #rito oc #kinda #dnd #kip talks for too long #i'd write this better but its 1am #good luck if you can actually read this

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peaceoutofthepieces · 5 years ago

Text

chapter 37.5

When I Live My Dream (Please Be There To Meet Me)

To go with chapter 37! This part is influenced largely by @dreamy-slytherin, who talked about Jens coming out to his family, and who also deserves no gutless online hate but all the love I can offer. Thank you for always encouraging my vds obsession and for being you 💞 For our VDS nation, for anyone who gets shit for their sexuality or struggles with it regardless, for anyone who has the ridiculous notion you aren’t loved — you are not alone, and this part is for you. It’s long, and there’s probably mistakes, but I hope it can be of happiness to some of you 💛 Also, I wasn’t sure of a name for Jens’s mum, so I borrowed from @all-things-skam and went with Fenna. I hope that’s okay :)

Lucas’s first knock feels a little harsh, and he freezes completely before repeating the action gently. The rain is spattering the shoulders of his denim jacket and quickly soaking through his hood, leaving him shivering and impatient enough to knock again. The door swings open while his fist is still raised, and he looks down to find a girl that can’t be older than ten, with hair a few shades lighter than Jens’s raven locks and a curious expression. Lotte, his brain supplies. Jens’s little sister that he’s thus far been banned from meeting.

“Hi,” Lucas says, trying his best to give her a warm smile. It isn’t too difficult, because his chest filled with instant warmth at the sight of her, but he can’t quite shake his anxiety off. “You must be Lotte.”

She nods, look only growing more sceptical. Lucas feels his smile widen at her tilted head and hesitant smile and has to kick the urge to crouch down to her. He’ll have time to get into the girl’s good books once he’s back in Jens’s. At the moment, Jens is his priority.

“I’m Jens’s friend Lucas. Is he home?” Lotte perks up at the name and nods, stepping back to let Lucas through. He closes the door as she turns down the hallway and then trails a few paces behind, letting her go to Jens for him. She calls out to him on her way before opening his door a notch and peeping her head in.

“Lucas is here,” she says. “Is he a new friend?”

There’s a muffled reply that Lucas strains to hear, but then it doesn’t matter because Jens is there. Standing in his doorway, looking rumpled and exhausted and so utterly beautiful that Lucas’s heart pangs. His throat has dried up suddenly and he swallows, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket and mumbling a hesitant, “Hi.” Jens is just staring at him, betraying nothing, and he doesn’t know what else to do.

“What are you doing here?” Jens asks, seeming more surprised than anything. Lucas supposes that’s fair. He’s only been here a few times and always with Jens’s invitation. Always when they’re sure none of his family members will be present. And if they are, only appearing through Jens’s bedroom window. (Lucas had regretted it almost immediately, but he’d tried to be romantic. It had made Jens laugh, and kiss him, and giddily shush him every time he spoke, so it had been worth it.)

“I needed to talk to you. And you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“I turned it off,” Jens admits. Lucas only nods, biting down on his lip to prevent himself from blurting out anything incriminating. He isn’t sure why, because he can’t think of a single thing to say, can only think of too many, and it’s so jumbled up in his head that there’s no way anything is making it to his mouth.

“Mama is making cookies if you want some,” Lotte says to Lucas, with so much sweetness that he momentarily forgets his inner turmoil. He offers her a warm smile, but doesn’t get to say anything before Jens settles a hand on her hand and answers for him.

“You should go help her. Lucas and I will come get some later.”

She gives him a slightly suspicious, slightly pouty look, but obediently makes her way to the kitchen. Lucas watches her go and feels a little more settled. Jens at least isn’t planning on kicking him out. Lucas turns back to him and tucks his jacket closer around him by the pockets. “She’s cute,” he offers.

Jens takes a small breath and then holds the door to his room open. Lucas makes his way inside before either of them can change their mind. He takes in the room that is slowly becoming familiar to him. The bed and its dark sheets; the photos covering almost a half of the wall behind it; the game console on the nightstand; the guitar tucked in the corner; the skateboard leaned against the wall. All the things so naturally Jens that Lucas hardly even paid attention before. He’s always more distracted by the boy himself, and this time isn’t really any different.

Jens is leaning against the door, blank-faced, but as soon as Lucas turns to him he’s moving forwards. Lucas catches him in his arms and holds him close, letting Jens tuck his face into his shoulder and pull him in by the waist. Lucas moves a hand into his hair, smoothing it through the dark strands, and feels the unsteady breath the other releases against his neck.

“I’m here,” Lucas assures quietly. “You can talk to me.”

Jens lets out a shaky breath and Lucas squeezes him tighter. He hadn’t really predicted this. He didn’t think Jens would give in so easily. He thinks it hurts more that he does. That whatever it is, it’s hurt him enough to make him instantly succumb to Lucas’s comfort. He closes his eyes and presses closer still, and Jens relaxes minutely.

The silence is only working to strengthen his anxiety, but he plans to wait it out. He won’t push—not when they’ve gotten this far.

Then Jens’s next breath shudders, and Lucas aches. “Hey,” he hushes, in the same second that Jens begins crying in earnest. This isn’t what he’d prepared himself for. He’d come expecting flippancy, infuriating ignorance, another stream of denial. He’d been more prepared to have Jens snap at him, to get frustrated and tell him to leave, but he hadn’t thought of this. He’d prepared himself to be comforting, yes, but he hadn’t expected it to go to such an extent. He isn’t sure he’s made for this; but it’s Jens. And Jens is most certainly made for him.

Lucas will give him anything he needs, always, in every universe. There’s no one he cares about more.

“Jens,” he mutters softly, pitying, “you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Jens just clings to him. Lucas cards his hand through his hair, attempting to provide maximum comfort, but the sounds escaping Jens’s lips are still more sob than breath. He’s doing his best to muffle them, sucking in air harshly to try and hold them down, and it makes Lucas feel worse. Jens doesn’t have to hide with him, and he hates that he can’t see that. That he doesn’t realise it’s all of him Lucas loves, every single atom, no matter how tainted or fragile. Lucas will wrap them all in his own and do his best to protect each and every one.

He moves his hand to Jens’s face, gripping either side of his jaw lightly and tilting his head back. Jens attempts to turn away but Lucas holds him in place, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks and catching the tears as they fall. “Hey. I’ve got you. You don’t have to hide with me. Please. Not with me.”

Jens swallows and squeezes his eyes shut, leaning his head against Lucas’s. “I’m sorry. I was shitty to you. I swear I didn’t mean to be.”

Lucas only shakes his head and caresses a sharp cheekbone, stretching up to kiss it gently. Jens turns into the touch, nose pressing to Lucas’s cheek, and Lucas turns to meet him. He gives him one short, sweet kiss as a reassurance and then takes a step back. No matter how tempting it is, he can’t ignore the issue. He can’t ignore whatever it is that pushed Jens to this point, that left him raw and crying in Lucas’s hold. “What’s going on, Jens?”

Jens exhales shakily, then extracts himself from Lucas’s arms to walk to his nightstand and pick up his phone. Lucas watches patiently as he turns it on and taps at the screen before holding it out towards him. Lucas raises a brow, but takes the item when Jens only continues to stand there, eyes downcast. The screen is open to his Instagram DMs, and Lucas scrolls past Robbe’s and Moyo’s and his own—and dozens filled with slurs and slander and just plain curses, the same thing repeating over and over again.

That he’s disgusting. That he’s wrong. That he’s greedy. That they’re disappointed. So much so that they can’t follow him anymore, but not enough that they can’t send multiple messages to follow up. That he should stop posting. That he shouldn’t be a Broerrr.

That he’s unlovable.

So how in the world could Lucas love him?

“Fuck,” he breathes. He looks up at Jens, discovers the other boy still isn’t looking at him. “This is brutal. Christ, Jens. Why didn’t you tell us you were getting it this bad?”

Jens shrugs. The movement is so tiny Lucas isn’t sure it wasn’t just an involuntary shiver. “You’re all getting it, and you’re fine. It’s nothing worse than everyone talking about Sander’s bipolar, or dissing Robbe, or complaining about you. We’re all supposed to be dealing with it.”

“Yeah, we are. All of us. Not alone, Jens. And my DMs aren’t full of this. Not to this extent. Fuck, why didn’t you say anything?”

Jens only shakes his head, and that’s when Lucas notices the tears pricking at his eyes again. “Because I’m scared they’re right.”

Lucas opens his mouth, a rant already prepared on how that’s complete bullshit and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He just as quickly snaps it closed when he suddenly understands.

No one’s ever going to be able to love you. Not even your ‘boyfriend’.

“Jens,” Lucas breathes, and every part of him is aching now, because of all things for Jens to listen to it had to be the biggest lie of all. “You fucking idiot.”

Jens blinks at him, then twists away, sullen, and Lucas closes the distance between them in a second. He cups his face once more, tugging it around towards him. “Jens. Look at me,” he orders softly. It takes a moment, but eventually Jens meets his eyes. Lucas shoves all his nerves down and keeps their gazes locked. “You’re not alone. You’re not disgusting, or wrong, and you don’t have to ‘pick a side’ or change anything for anyone. Especially not for me.”

He takes a deep breath and repeats what Jens had said to him, only over a week back, and yet an eternity ago. “I haven’t felt anything like this, ever. No one has ever made me feel this way but you. No one has ever made me feel this <i>much</i>. And I know that it’s the same in every universe, because no version of me would be capable of living without you. I’d find you in every one and fall in love with you every single time. That’s what I feel, Jens. I love you.”

Jens inhales sharply, then his jaw goes slack under Lucas’s hands. He curls his hands in the back of Lucas’s jacket, gripping the fabric tightly. Lucas smoothes his hands down his neck to rest on his shoulders, pulling him down to kiss him softly. “I love you,” he repeats. “In this universe more than any other.”

“Luc,” Jens breathes, just as the door opens behind them. Lucas whirls around at the same time Jens jumps back, knocking a glass off the locker as Lucas just avoids stumbling into the bed. “Fuck,” Jens mutters, stooping to pick up the glass while Lucas is left to smile unconvincingly at Lotte, where she stands innocently in the doorway, barely looking into the room.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, eyes wide, and Jens rushes over to pull her into the room, closing the door with a soft click. Her eyes roam over her brother’s face and grow sad, before her gaze flicks to Lucas and back. “Why are you crying?”

Jens glances back at Lucas, too, and wipes his eyes harshly, shaking his head. “I was laughing.”

She gives him a dubious look. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Lotte, I’m fine. Why didn’t you knock?”

Her wide eyes return as she gives him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. The cookies are ready.” She shoots another look at Lucas, then says, very quietly, “Does Mama know you have a boyfriend?”

Jens puffs out a breath and looks to Lucas. Lucas shrugs. Whatever Jens wants to do, he’ll support. It’s not even a question. Jens nods to himself for a second before crouching down in front of the girl and shaking his head. “No. Neither of them know.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else to make Lotte nod seriously. “I won’t tell them,” she promises. Then she whispers, “He’s very pretty.”

Jens laughs, loud and full, and Lucas grins. He’s missed that sound, so much. Lotte seems a little startled, but she’s smiling too, and an adorable little blush takes over her face when she catches Lucas looking at her. Jens sobers enough to whisper back, with all the same seriousness, ��I know. You should see him when he laughs.”

Lucas’s cheeks warm, and it only worsens when Jens looks over his shoulder to smile at him. He makes a face at Lotte and she giggles at him. Jens twists backs around to her and pulls her into a loose hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he says. “I promise I’ll tell them soon.”

She smiles brightly. “Then Lucas can come over more often.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Jens promises.

There’s a knock on the door this time, and Jens pushes to his feet as a woman pokes her head in. Lucas assumes this must be their mother, and unconsciously stands a little straighter as her gaze flicks between the three of them. “Hello.”

Jens freezes. “Uhm, this is Lucas,” he says lamely.

“He’s Jens’s new friend from school,” Lotte says simply. “He has a nice accent.”

Lucas is unbelievably grateful for her. He can tell Jens feels the same. “He just moved from the Netherlands a while ago,” Jens explains.

“Oh, that can’t have been easy, moving in the middle of the school year,” the woman frowns, coming inside and holding a hand out to Lucas with an easy smile. “I’m Jens’s mother Fenna.”

Lucas takes her hand. “Nice to meet you.” He’s very glad his voice doesn’t wobble, but his smile feels unsteady. Anxious. This isn’t exactly how he’d imagined meeting her, either. It’s, again, probably something he should’ve expected just turning up here.

“Have you been here long? How are you settling in?”

“Uhm, just a bit over a month. Everyone’s been really welcoming. Jens and his friends have been great.”

Lotte giggles and Jens shoots her a warning look. Lucas sneaks her a wink as Fenna reaches out to squeeze Jens’s arm. “Well, good. I’m glad he’s done something to make himself useful,” she teases. Jens sticks his tongue out at her. “Honestly, at least take his coat for him.”

Jens sighs, but obediently holds out his hand as Lucas slips his jacket off his shoulders. He hands it over with a smile and ignores the face Jens pulls at him.

“We’re taking Lotte to see that new film, so we’ll be gone for a few hours. You’re sure you don’t want to come along?” Fenna asks her son. Jens shakes his head and gestures at Lucas.

“I have to be good company,” he points out, all put-upon and sarcastic. Lucas can’t believe how quickly his mood has shifted. He wonders if the quirk of the woman’s lips means she’s noticed it as well. He doesn’t know if Jens had been putting on a braver face with them, or if he’d been just as obviously quiet, just as unlike himself. He doubts it was the latter. If he hadn’t told Lucas or the others, there’s no way he would’ve let his family in on it.

He smiles now as his mother pats his cheek and says, “That’s what I like to hear. There’s fresh cookies on the counter if you want any.”

“But make sure you save some for me,” Lotte pipes up as the woman leaves, hugging her brother round the waist.

Jens ruffles her hair and hums. “We’ll see.”

Lotte pouts up at him, and Lucas feels for her, so he says, “I’ll make sure there’s some left for you.”

The girl grins, then she’s running over to hug him as well. Lucas’s lips part in surprise, and he looks at Jens with wide eyes. Jens only smiles softly back at him, so Lucas wraps his arms around her little shoulders and pats her head. She scrunches her nose up in response, but she returns his smile and waves on her way out the door, so Lucas assumes he did okay. They hear the front door shut a couple of moments later, and Jens tosses Lucas’s jacket on his bed.

Lucas only raises his brows at him. “So, cookies?” He makes his way to the door, but Jens catches him before he gets there, slamming it shut and pushing Lucas up against it. His lips are covered before he can protest, Jens kissing him with hungry desperation, and Lucas winds his arms around his neck and slows him down with a hand in his hair. He gives a few slow drags of their lips, letting Jens press up against him, and he sinks into it. This is something he’d definitely missed.

“We didn’t get to finish our conversation,” Jens mumbles, lips brushing over Lucas’s cheek, and all the playful demeanor he’d mustered for Lotte is gone. He presses his forehead to Lucas’s and looks at him seriously. “Did you mean it?”

Lucas can’t believe him. He nods, and lets him pretend it isn’t obvious. “Every word.”

Jens swallows, and this time he brings his hands to Lucas’s cheeks, his touch delicate as he says, “I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Lucas feels his chest fill with relief. It’s pushed out on a sigh, and he closes his eyes, pulling Jens closer and allowing the emotions to overtake him. A laugh bubbles up and he lets it escape, lets Jens kiss him in response. He mumbles it over and over against Jens’s lips and feels all the tension bleed out of him, feels the joy wrapping around his own heart.

Then Jens is gripping the back of his thighs and picking him up off the floor and his head empties. All coherent thought leaves him in an instant, and nothing registers but Jens’s hands, hot on his legs, his chest against Lucas’s, his hips pressing him into the wood, his unfaltering kiss. He’d been so sure he was losing it. That he was part of what was making Jens pull away, if not all of it; that somewhere in all the shit they were getting Jens had decided that he wasn’t worth it. Realised that he didn’t want him. He’s never been so glad he was so wrong.

All his breath left him as soon as his feet left the ground, but he sucks in just enough to gasp, “Since when can you do that?”

Jens shrugs, lips already trailing a path down his neck. “Since always, I guess. You’re not much heavier than Robbe.”

Lucas blinks, but then Jens is nipping at his skin, and he doesn’t care about anything. “I won’t even ask.”

Jens huffs a laugh and recaptures his lips, making sure he’s securely held against the door before removing a hand to slide it under his jumper. Lucas arches against him, and he really needs them to pause before this continues. “Wait, wait, wait. Jens. Come on. You should talk about this.”

Jens puffs out a breath, but obediently stops, dropping his head to Lucas’s shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry, for freaking you out and pushing you away and being an idiot. I promise we’ll talk. Okay? I promise.” He turns his head, pressing his nose against Lucas’s cheek and drawing his earlobe between his teeth. “But you just told me you love me, and all I want to do right now is kiss you. And maybe some other things, if you’re up for that.”

Lucas had thought he was losing him. Now here he is, all of him offered up for Lucas, for his hands and his lips and his love and there’s nothing he wants more. There’s nothing in him that wants to say no. “I’m very up for that,” he breathes.

Jens grins, and then they’re kissing again. Lucas tightens his hold as Jens’s hand skims over his stomach, fingers curling in his hair, relishing in the way Jens groans against his lips. Maybe they shouldn’t, maybe talking is more important, but if the best thing Lucas can do right now is distract him, he’ll do it gladly. Robbe told him to take care of him, after all.

“You need to text Robbe. Or let me text Robbe. He’s worried about you,” Lucas gets out, and Jens’s groan this time is one of complaint. He returns his grip to Lucas’s thighs and spins them away from the door, huffing a laugh when Lucas yelps. His breath is knocked out of him again when Jens drops him on the bed, and he bounces slightly once as Jens picks up his phone. He taps at it for a moment and then tosses it to the side, climbing over Lucas and raising a brow above him. “Happy now?”

Lucas nods and lets himself be kissed into the mattress, twirling Jens’s hair around his fingers and locking his legs around his waist. Jens lifts up to drag his jumper up his sides, and Lucas lets him pull it off before reaching for the hem of Jens’s shirt. He gets his hands on bare skin as Jens kisses down his chest, but he trails a path back up before getting too far. He presses a soft kiss to Lucas’s lips, resting on his elbows, and says, “I have stuff. If you uhm. If you want to.”

Lucas blinks. “You’re very prepared.”

“But we don’t have to,” Jens rushes to reassure. “If you don’t want to. If you never want to. I don’t care what we do. I just love you. As long as I get to be with you, none of this matters to me.”

Lucas feels flushed, and he knows his smile is unbelievably sappy. “You’re so soft,” he teases. Jens nips at his jaw and he laughs. “Thank you. But I want to. I really, really want to.”

Jens gives him a look. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I trust you,” Lucas says simply, punctuating it with a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” Another kiss, the other cheek. “I want you.” And one more, on his lips.

Jens’s grin is all the assurance he needs. No more has to be said.

An hour later, after Jens has spent endless time kissing every inch of his face, and carding soothingly through his hair, he lets Lucas switch their positions and pull him into his chest, one hand in his hair and the other on his back. He trails a path up Jens’s spine and back down, repetitive and idle, until Jens’s lashes are low and his breath is sleep-heavy. Content. Lucas presses a kiss to the top of his head. He hasn’t been able to wipe the soft smile off his face.

“That was actually much easier than I expected,” Lucas admits.

Jens squeezes his side. “I might’ve had some pointers. You promise you’re okay?”

Lucas hums. “Never been better.”

He’s surprised to find that he means it.

#van der stoffels #vds #jens x lucas #jens stoffels #lucas vdh #wtfock #skam nl #when i live my dream #wilmd

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