#if you have an issue with me just tell me 😭😭😭

[militaryapple]

Thinking about how Caleb would react to you moving to your own room after sex when he falls asleep. He wakes up and sees you sleeping in your own room and not with him. him finding out (after basically interrogating her and asking non stop for days since she started distancing herself) mc gets really insecure after sex but she usually stays, just this time she got in her head too much and actually decided to leave 😭

he'd be so sweet :( oh he would shower u with so much love.. my sweet boy caleb aghhh hold me..

wc. 2.4k

was he the problem?

caleb looked at you, dumbfounded almost as he listened to your sweet confession. "i just.." you said softly, "its not you, caleb — just the way ive see other woman, how better looking they are, how you fit so well between them.." caleb could feel his body tense. how could you say such deprecating things about yourself? have you seen yourself? you were perfect to him. other woman didn't stand a chance.

he knew something was up with you. it was like this for a while now, how everytime you both finished having sex; he would fall asleep in your arms just to wake up to you gone. it made his heart drop. how he’d get up to look for you worried, just to find you asleep in your room. his chest heavy watching you curl in your own bed. at first; he thought maybe it was just uncomfortable for you, you two have always slept together but it was intimate and new — you just needed to readjust to it.

then it was again, and again, and again.

then, at some point you two had stopped. there was no intimacy, no sex, not even a glance of love. so.. he thought he was problem. he didn’t press the furthers, why should he? if he was the issue then he should fix it — and quick. after a while he had thought maybe he had became a better version of himself, he learned new recipes, did chores more often than he should’ve, even started to stay home more to stay next to you; ignoring his colonel duties. yet there was no avail.

he needed to ask you what the problem was.

so here you were, telling him everything. how you felt, how ashamed you were in your own skin. his heart ached for you, he could tell you a million times on how pretty you were, how everytime you spoke it seemed like you the sun, or how whenever you looked at him; it was full of pure love. caleb’s hands found their way to your skin, pulling you close.

his hands on the crown of your head before moving down, patting you. his other arm holding you closely — tightly. he wasn’t going to let you go, he couldn’t let you go. “i’m sorry,” he said softly placing a kiss on your head, his hand moving to your face lifting it so you could look at him. his movements with you were gentle, like you were delicate. “you’re so — where do i begin?” he let out a soft chuckle, planting a kiss on your forehead.

“first of all, your beauty is unmatched.” you stood, looking at him while his arms dropped away from you, both hands now cupping your face while he wiped away your tears through your occasional sniffling. “truly, it is. you are like heaven and earth combined, kissed by the gods themselves.” his kisses lowering down, now on your cheek. “your hair is pretty too, yeah baby? all the cute styles you do with it,” he hummed down, now kissing your ears. “how could i forget your lips? yeah? perfect. just for me to kiss.” his words were sweet, reassuring.

caleb kissed you, it wasn’t rushed. he didn’t hope for anything back, it was a kiss to make sure you knew that he loved you. to him you were a jewel; something he should put up to show the world that it’s his. you wrapped your arms around his neck, returning the kiss, your hands finding their way around his body. “ah-ah.” he said softly, pulling away. “we aren’t doing anything if you aren’t ready,” he placed a small kiss back on your forehead, his hands bringing your arm down before intertwining his hand into yours.

his hands moved up to his lips, turning over so he could kiss your hands. "you are perfect." he said softly, you looked up at him. his gaze meets yours. he was real. truthful. there was no hint of mockery or lies behind his beautiful eyes, it made your heart race. "then," you said, eyes moving away from his. "can we.. kiss?" your voice was low. embarrassed. maybe you were so shy because he was quick to take your breath, leaning in and holding you.

you were shy because he guided you to his bed, and laid you down trying his hardest to not separate your lips. you were shy about how between each breath, he made sure that he complimented you. each part of you, "your smile is beautiful," to "your hands are the perfect size to hold". caleb had your grinning ear to ear - making it feel as if it was both of your first times again.

you leaned into his touch, bringing you up and settling you on his lap on top of him. he loved having you in this position, how he could see your face so clearly, how you looked straight at him on his legs while he sat up on his headboard. you pulled away making caleb look at you. "caleb, i really want to," you place your hand on his shirt, pressing down on his body.

fuck you were so sweet for him, you really were. he couldn't help but hold your hand, using his free one to cup your cheek. "you sure?' he looked at you like you were going to break. he was so kind with you, "I don't want to.. just for you to leave me." his eyes fluttered away from you, his cheeks and ears turning red. "at least let me show you how much you mean to me, please? let me love you - worship you." he kissed you again before pulling away.

you couldn't say no, he was like a puppy in love.

it wasn't long until caleb was back to kissing you, his kisses starting at your head, moving down to your cheeks. every time he pulled away he would whisper sweet nothing's to you - making sure you knew that he adored you. you were a woman kissed by the gods themselves and send down to him. how could you feel so bad about yourself when you were so perfect? those women you envy had nothing against you. they were mere peasants compared to you, a princess in all her glory.

you whined, the feeling of his kisses tickling your chin as he continued to press them against you, his hands moving towards your stomach as he lifted your shirt to rub small circles around your stomach, you were quick to move away from him, pulling your shirt down and looking away from him. ah. right, your body. caleb's brows furrowed before leaning close to you. "I love your stomach," he hummed "how easy it is to hold you," he kissed your cheek, your once stilled body leaning closer to him. he took it as a sign to slowly - make his way to your hips.

“how i can kiss it,” you didn’t react to his touch, letting out a small ‘mm,’ in resistance but he stayed firm. he knew you weren’t going to go anywhere this time. “how i can feel you.” his mouth made its way to your lips and you returned the kiss. he carefully touched your stomach, watching your every move. you seemed more comfortable, so he pushed himself a little farther. his hands traced down to your thigh, rubbing it slowly. "caleb," was what you muttered out. oh you sounded so pretty, his name falling from your lips were music to his ears. "what is it baby?" he murmured, his hands rubbing the inside of your thing. "so soft, you know.. i imagine my cock between your thighs, they're so pretty. i cant help but think about how i'll pump into them," his kiss lowering to your neck. you whined at the confession he made, holding to his neck.

his hands slid closer to your cunt, his fingers pressing soft against the fabric of your panties while you moan softly. "yeah? you like when I press riiiight here?" he was precise, his fingers pressing down on your sensitive nub making you twitch in return. you let out a moan, his mouth reaching yours. your kisses now sloppy, messy. "there you go pretty baby, let me make you feel good, let me love you." his breaths turning into moans — feeding into you.

you could only nod, your eyes fighting to stay open. your hips rolling at the feeling of his fingers that rubbed and tickled your nub. caleb’s fingers moved to your panties, pulling on the waistline before down to your cunt. “look at you, so wet. it’s so cute, already eager.” he kissed your cheek, his mouth maneuvering to your ear as he whispered. “deep breath for me baby ‘just wanna make you feel good. okay?” you listened — and before you knew it he slid a digit in your cunt.

he pumped you agonizingly slow, watching your cunt suck him in knuckles deep. you were gorgeous, your moans to your eyes. your flushed face and how you looked at him like he was everything. “you look so pretty like this,” he hummed, his fingers quickening at the sound of your moans before sliding another digit in you. “i can stare at you like this for hours — stare at your gorgeous body.” his free hand sliding up your shirt, cupping your tits while he fondled you.

“so soft” he purred, his mouth now mouthing to your jawline, his fingers both touching and fucking you. you cried holding on to his arm while your legs closed tightly together. that didn’t stop caleb from going faster. his fingers reaching deep into you — making you feel him. “i love you,” he whined, his eyes glossy while looking at you. god, you haven’t done anything to him yet he looks like he’s about to cum. “i love you, everything about you, i want you, i need you.” you fall back on the bed, moaning while you clenched against the feeling of his fingers.

“come on pips, cum for me yeah? you can do it pretty girl,” the words sending a shiver down your spine, your hips rolling at the rhythm his hands rubbed you. it wasn't until a minute later you were babbling sweet nothings, clutching on the sheets of his bed while you moaned out his name. you were pretty little thing. Caleb moved his hand away from your tit, and slipped his fingers away from your pussy. he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. "you're doing so well for me, yeah pretty baby? you wanna stop here? i'll run a bath and wash you.." he was cut short quickly, your hand tugging on his arm.

"please," you whined out softly, your hands twitching while you looked into his eyes. he couldn't say no to you, after all you were his prized possession. caleb was quick to tug on his pants, pulling them down and his waist line, his cock pretty - leaking precum while he stared down at you. he lined himself up with your cunt, sliding his tip between your folds. "oh fuck baby," he gasped, eyes fluttering while one of his hands grabbed your arms, holding them down - the other exploring your body.

"I wish you could see just how beautiful you look," he whimpered, "how - mphgh, how good you are for me." his hips thrusted between your cunt, your juices coating him while he let out soft moans and whimpers. "oh god - baby you're perfect, so perfect I love you," he was about to sob with how good you felt. with calebs free arm he held on your hips, his hands memorizing every curve of your body. "just so gorgeous," he groaned.

you sobbed, "please, you're teasing me I can't - I want you." that was all he needed to hear before his cock was shoved deep into you. you groaned, trying to wiggle, yet caleb kept you firm. "fuck, look at you - taking me so nicely." his hips rocking into you slowly, then picking up a pace. you could only cry at the feeling, overwhelming and so fucking good. Caleb moved his hand from your hip to your nub, rubbing in circles. your legs shook before locking around his hips.

god. you were beautiful, no matter how many times he had told you. you were still so gorgeous, he loved seeing you this way. how you moaned for him, and how you held on to him so greedily. he loved feeling you - seeing you. hearing you while he fucked so deeply into your cunt. his hips started to snap against you, making your eyes roll back in response. you were drunk off him, how good he felt inside you.

you hips bucked, rolling at the feeling of him, "m close, please baby," you moaned. caleb could only shudder, his fingers rubbing against you. faster. harder. “yeah baby? come on, cum for me, wanna see your pretty lil face.” he hiccups, his pace destroying you. you couldn’t help but jolt at the feeling. you clenched around his cock, making him moan in response. you couldn’t take it anymore, your hips rolled against his, your legs shaking as you groan. it was bliss — while caleb kept his pace until he couldn’t his hips slamming into yours while he moaned. “fuck, my pretty girl oh my pretty little lady.”

caleb was quick to take care of you, taking you to the bathroom and washing both you and your hair, clothing you and feeding you a quick meal. he even set you down in his bed with fresh new sheets you didn’t even know he replaced. it was time for you both to finally get some shut eye.

caleb laid you down, then lying down next to you. he faced you, holding on to your sides as he rubbed your back under your shirt holding you close. ah, yet you couldn’t help but think about the sex. was he truthful? was he just calling you pretty, or his or gorgeous just because it was the super of the moment? your mind lingered, until caleb placed a small kiss on the crown of your head.

“i’m staying up until you fall asleep,” he hummed. you couldn’t respond. you knew why, he didn’t want you to leave again. not to run away and cry in your bed; calling yourself names that were untrue. “instead,” he said “i’ll spend the entire night telling you more things i love about you. just until i hear that you’re sleep,” his voce was soft. he was gentle. your arms wrapped around him, your face nuzzling itself in his chest while he began to whisper sweet words in your ear.

oh how he loved you. :(

[holyblonded]

adoption day | stargirl

pairings: alexia putellas x teen!reader, olga rios x teen!reader

summary: you manage to make you adoption day chaotic

warnings: abandonment issues(?)

notes: the ending is a bit similar to teenage dream but this was written first and idk how else to end 😭 i almost revealed estrella’s real name but decided against it

The house is too quiet. Too quiet. Alexia’s stomach is in knots as she turns to Alba, her voice sharp but low. “What do you mean she’s not in the house?”

Her eyes flick toward the hallway, making sure Eli and Olga don’t overhear. She doesn’t want to worry them— not yet. But the urgency in her voice is unmistakable.

Alba forces a tight-lipped smile, waving casually as Eli and Olga step out to grab more disposable plates and cutlery for the party later that evening. The second the door shuts behind them, her expression drops.

“I mean that I have torn through every single room in your godforsaken house, and Estrella is not in any of them,” she hisses. Alexia’s stomach sinks. “We have to find her,” she says immediately, already grabbing her keys. “We have to be at the courthouse soon.”

Alba groans, rubbing a hand over her face. “She knows what today is. Why would she disappear now?”

Alexia doesn’t have an answer.

They search everywhere. The backyard. The front yard. The neighbor’s driveway, just in case. The park down the street. Your favorite café around the corner. Nothing. No sign of you.

Alexia’s worry mutates, twisting into frustration. She pulls out her phone— no missed calls, no texts. Not even a single, stupid emoji from you.

“She’s going to give me a heart attack before she’s even legally my kid,” she mutters, pacing the sidewalk.

Alba, just as frantic but unwilling to admit it, crosses her arms. “You think she ran?”

Alexia stops pacing. The thought stings more than she wants to acknowledge. “No. No, she wouldn’t.”

“She might,” Alba counters, voice quieter now. “She panics sometimes. Maybe it’s too much for her.”

Alexia clenches her jaw. “Then we find her and tell her it’s okay.”

They split up again, checking every place they can think of, but the clock is ticking.

The courthouse appointment looms closer.

And still, there’s no sign of you.

Alexia’s grip tightens around her phone, her breath coming short. She’s about to call the police, or hunt you down herself, or…

The front door creaks open.

Both she and Alba whirl around at the same time, watching as you shuffle inside.

You look exhausted.

Hair slightly disheveled, hoodie too big on you, shoes scuffed like you’ve been walking for hours. Your expression is guarded, your shoulders hunched—like you’re bracing for impact. But more than anything, you look guilty.

Relief crashes over Alexia in a dizzying wave. It’s quick, sharp, and almost immediately replaced by frustration.

“¿Dónde has estado?” she demands, crossing the room in seconds. Her voice is firm, but there’s a raw edge to it. “Where were you? We’ve been looking everywhere.”

You hesitate, your gaze flickering toward Alba before landing back on Alexia. “Out.”

“Out where?” she presses, hands hovering near your shoulders, like she wants to shake the answer out of you but is afraid you might break.

You shift uncomfortably. “Just… around.”

Alba narrows her eyes. “Around where?”

You glance at the floor, shrugging slightly. “Just walking.”

Alexia exhales sharply, running a hand through her hair. “Estrella, hoy es el día. We have to be at the courthouse soon—”

“I know,” you say quickly.

She stops, studying you. There’s something off. Something unreadable in your expression.

“Then why disappear?” she asks, quieter now.

You don’t answer right away. The front door swings open again, saving you. Olga and Eli step inside, bags in hand. The air in the room shifts immediately, tension settling in thick and heavy. Olga raises a brow, glancing between all of you, while Eli exhales like she already knows exactly what just happened.

“You found her,” Eli notes, setting the bags down.

“Barely,” Alba mutters.

Alexia’s frustration softens, just a little. Her eyes stay on you, the fight in her fading into something warmer, something quieter.

“You’re here now,” she murmurs, reaching up to cup the side of your face briefly before letting her hand drop. “That’s what matters.”

You look away, shifting on your feet.

Olga watches you carefully. “You okay, bebita?”

You force a small smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Yeah. Just… a lot on my mind.”

Alexia sighs. She doesn’t push. Not now.

There will be time for that later.

“Come on,” she says, nudging your shoulder lightly. “Let’s get you changed.” A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “We’re going to make this official.”

You nod, following her down the hall.

But even as you move, your expression remains unreadable.

You stand stiffly in front of the courthouse, fingers twisting the fabric of your dress in a desperate attempt to smooth it down, to steady your shaking hands, to control something. But nothing feels in your control.

Your chest is tight, your stomach churns, and your vision blurs slightly as you blink rapidly, trying to hold yourself together. You should be happy. This should be one of the best days of your life. So why does it feel like you can’t breathe?

A warm hand presses gently against your back, and you flinch so hard it’s obvious.

“Mi amor,” Olga’s voice is soft, laced with concern. Her eyes scan your face, taking in the tension in your jaw, the way your shoulders hunch like you’re trying to make yourself smaller. “You guys go ahead, find the room,” she tells the others, not taking her eyes off you. “I’m going to talk to Estrellita real quick.”

Alexia, already watching you closely, doesn’t hesitate. She steps forward, placing a quick, gentle kiss on your forehead, then on Olga’s, before catching up to her sister and mother.

Olga guides you toward a bench overlooking a small park, where children run freely, their laughter ringing through the air. It feels like another world—one you can’t quite reach.

She sits beside you, but not too close, giving you space, waiting.

“Alright, mi nena.” Her voice is low, soothing, but firm. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet all day. It’s not like you.”

A sharp exhale rips from your chest— too deep, too heavy, like you’re forcing the weight of everything inside you out in one breath. Your hands clench together in your lap.

“I’m scared, Olga.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, but she hears every word.

“I want this. I want to be Ale’s daughter. She’s been more of a mom to me than my real mom ever was. I want to be part of this family, officially, but I’m terrified. What if one day she decides she’s not ready? Or she changes her mind?” Your voice cracks, but you push forward, words spilling out faster now, harder to control.

“What if one day you and Ale want to start a family and I prevent that? What if I just get in the way?”

Olga shakes her head instantly, but you don’t let her interrupt.

“I can’t let that happen,” you murmur, eyes locked on the pavement like if you look up, everything will become too real. “I spent my whole life praying for a family like this, one that wanted me, that cared about me, that let me just…be me. And now that I have it, I’m scared that once it’s real, once it’s official, it’ll all just—” You take a deep, shaky breath, voice barely holding together. “Go away.”

Olga doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, she pulls you into her arms, cradling you against her chest like she’s trying to shield you from every fear, every doubt, every ghost from your past whispering that you don’t deserve this.

You feel a tear drop onto your hair.

“Mi amor,” she whispers, voice thick with emotion. “Oh, mi corazón.” She pulls back just enough to cup your face, forcing you to meet her eyes. “Listen to me, and listen carefully. You are not in the way. You will never be in the way. Alexia, Eli, Alba, me, chose you. Not out of obligation. Not because we had to. Because we want you. Because we love you.”

Your breath shudders. “But what if—”

“No.” Olga shakes her head firmly, thumb brushing against your cheek. “There is no what if. This is your family. We are your family. And that is never going to change.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until she wipes a tear from your cheek.

You let her hold you for a little while longer, letting her warmth sink into your bones, letting yourself believe, really believe, that maybe, just maybe, she’s telling the truth.

Eventually, Olga presses one last kiss to your forehead and stands, holding out her hand.

“Ready?”

No. You’re not sure you’ll ever be ready. But you nod anyway and let her lead you inside.

The moment you step into the courtroom, you freeze.

The room is packed. Not just with Alexia, Alba, and Eli. Not just with Olga.

The entire Barcelona team is there. The coaching staff. Your friends: Vicky, Lamine, Alejandro, Héctor, Pau. People who have been there for you, who have stood by you, who have loved you without hesitation.

Your breath catches, and for a split second, that familiar panic claws at your chest. But then Alexia steps forward, smiling at you with so much warmth, so much love, that the fear starts to melt away.

She reaches for your hand, squeezing it tightly. “Come on, mi Estrelleta.”

You let her guide you forward, your other hand still holding onto Olga.

The judge begins speaking, but the words blur together. Your heart pounds as the moment approaches, as everything you’ve feared and longed for comes to a single point in time.

“Do you, Alexia Putellas, accept this young lady as your legal daughter, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it?”

Alexia doesn’t even hesitate. “Sí. Always.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I hereby declare Alexia Putellas as the legal parent and guardian of ‘Estrella’ Putellas.”

The room erupts into cheers.

And before you can fully process what just happened, Alexia sweeps you into her arms, lifting you off the ground as you cling to her, burying your face in her shoulder.

“I love you,” she whispers fiercely into your ear. “Forever. Unconditionally. Do you hear me?”

You nod against her, too overwhelmed to speak.

“I’m never letting you go,” she promises. “Not now. Not ever.”

Even though you never responded, you believe it.

The party is in full swing. Laughter echoes through the house, glasses clink, music hums in the background. The Barcelona team is here, the coaching staff, your friends, everyone who has loved and supported you. There’s warmth, celebration, and a steady stream of people hugging you, ruffling your hair, calling your name with joy.

The air feels thick, the noise pressing against your skin, the walls closing in just slightly. Your heart beats too fast, and your breath comes too shallow. You can’t explain it; it’s not sadness, it’s not fear, but it’s something. A pressure in your chest, a weight in your throat.

Alexia notices. Of course she does. She’s been watching you all night, eyes flicking to you between conversations, gauging every twitch of your fingers, every shift in your expression. So when she sees you standing by the back door, shoulders tight, eyes distant, she excuses herself from a conversation with Lucy and moves toward you without hesitation.

She doesn’t say anything at first. Just nudges your arm gently with her elbow. “Come on,” she murmurs, tilting her head toward the door. “Let’s get some air.”

You nod, relieved, and follow her outside.

The night air is cool, crisp against your overheated skin. The backyard is quiet, the noise of the party muffled behind the closed door. Alexia leads you to the steps of the patio, sinking down onto them, and you follow suit.

For a while, neither of you speak. You just sit there, breathing in the fresh air, letting the tension in your shoulders loosen bit by bit.

Alexia stretches out her legs, hands resting loosely on her knees. Then, after a moment, she glances at you. “Too much?”

You exhale, nodding. “Yeah. I just needed a second.”

She hums in understanding, gaze drifting up to the sky. “I get it. Big days like this… they don’t always hit right away. Sometimes it sneaks up on you later.”

You swallow, staring at your hands. “It feels real now,” you admit quietly.

Alexia turns her head slightly, studying you. “Does that scare you?”

You shake your head, but then pause, reconsidering. “Maybe a little. Not because I don’t want it. But because… I’m not used to things like this being permanent.”

Alexia’s chest tightens. She wants to tell you that this is different. That she’s not going anywhere. That this is forever. But she knows words alone won’t make you believe it. You’ve spent too much of your life with people making promises they couldn’t keep.

So instead, she shifts closer, draping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her side.

You lean into her instinctively, letting yourself rest against her, feeling the steady rise and fall of her breath. It’s grounding.

After a while, you break the silence. Your voice is quiet, but sure. “I called you mamá in my head today.”

Alexia goes very, very still.

You hesitate, then let out a soft, nervous laugh. “I’ve never called anyone else that before. Not really. I was scared to say it out loud. But… it felt right.”

Alexia exhales shakily, and when you glance up at her, there’s something raw in her eyes, something vulnerable, something that looks suspiciously like unshed tears.

She cups the side of your face, her thumb brushing lightly against your cheek, like she’s memorizing the moment. Then, her voice barely above a whisper, she asks, “Do you want to say it now?”

You hesitate. Just for a second. And then, you take a breath and let it slip past your lips, quiet but steady.

“Mamá.”

Alexia lets out a choked breath. Then she’s pulling you into her arms, holding you tight, her hand cradling the back of your head as she presses a kiss to your temple. “Mi niña,” she whispers, voice thick with emotion. “Mi amor. Mi hija.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, pressing yourself closer into her warmth, into the safety of her embrace.

For the first time in your life, the word mamá feels like safe.

[eldritch-riotgrrl]

Why did Nolan become a writer?

Recently watched Invincible and had a few thoughts that I would like to share here with you. I don’t know if this gets covered in the comics or in S3 (wich I haven’t yet seen), so if I missed something let me know.

I think it’s very interesting that Nolan decided to make his "human civilian persona" a writer out of all things. You’d assume with his natural strength and buff build he would pretend to be a construction worker or a boxer or something. But I feel like making Nolan a writer was very intentional.

Theory 1 (the boring one): A writer can easily work from home and might have a wide time window to complete deadlines, wich comes in handy for when he has to randomly leave to fight off Monsters somewhere. Mark‘s absence affects his daily life since he misses school for months at a time (as an example). As a writer who probably doesn’t always have to work in an office, Nolan‘s disappearance isn’t noticed as much. His Boss wouldn’t know he’s not really working if he can’t see him. And every artist knows that pulling all nighters to finish your work and hit deadlines is very common. Debbie is also a real estate agent and (probably) already earns a lot of money herself. I haven’t found the correct numbers, but I’ve read that the yearly salary is around 100.000$ a year. That’s already a lot of money, so even if Nolan‘s books weren’t successful, it didn’t really matter. He switched from Sci-Fi to travel books, wich seemed to sell better. If he misses a deadline or two it wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he and Debbie would still be financially stable. Just look at their house man 😭

Theory 2: But despite the conventional disguise for a job, I feel like it fits Nolan‘s character. He seems to enjoy writing. He’s written a lot of books after all. On Viltrum, the only value is strength. I don’t believe they have people who get to live out their artistic dreams if those even have room to exist (wich I doubt). What good is a Viltrumite, when they’re not serving their empire and proving their strength? Writing a book about space and how to destroy your own kind would hardly benefit their empire.

But Nolan doesn’t have that issue on earth. He can take on a job that seems unconventional to his kind. It doesn’t really matter if it’s "worthless". He seems to be writing about his experiences, inserting himself into his stories and also hinting at the Viltrumite‘s weaknesses. But for what?? Why would he even write them down?? Even if he didn’t believe anyone from earth (who would be reading his books) to be a genuine threat to the empire, what use does it have to have your species’ weaknesses written down? What if those fall into the wrong hands?

His Sci-Fi books also turned out to be a flop. So why continue writing them if they’re not doing well? Why would he continue to write down how to defeat the Viltrumites if he could just switch to writing travel books way sooner? Art has a box full of Sci-Fi novels. I think after realizing that two of your books are not selling well, you’d switch genres immediately. But that didn’t seem to be the case for Nolan.

I believe the reason for that is that he was starting to doubt his mission early on. The Sci-Fi books are his manifested concerns about conquering earth. Maybe he even wanted someone to find out how to defeat the Viltrumites. We see in the show that he’s not the best at expressing his emotions, at least not in the same way Debbie is. People often have an easier time writing down their feelings instead of verbalizing them.

Perhaps to Nolan writing Sci-Fi books (wich Allen confirms to be actually scientifically accurate) was his little outlet. His only way of telling his family and the world who and what he really is, and how to stop him.

Because deep down he always loved Debbie and Mark.

And he doesn’t want to conquer earth.

[crazylittlejester]

Okay okay, I do see you mentioning which ones have been some of your favorite fics to write, but which would be your favorite or that you’re most proud of?? (so sorry to put you on the spot like that Ik that could be tough 😭 it would be really nice to know which would be your favorite tho :) )

i cannot possibly pick one…. ough

(linking all of them in case people wanna read em)

Secrets (Un)known (Sky has a seizure, and neglected to tell any of the chain that he has epilepsy until 2 minutes before said seizure) is in the top five for sure, i put so much into that fic and it means a lot to me

Fragments (the basic plot is Warriors runs into Cia again but there is SO much more like murders and weird magic) is also in that top five because it means so much to me. I’ve put so much effort and work into planning it out and it’s been kinda therapeutic to work through some of my issues through Warriors and that one is just really special to me, and i jokingly say i hate it but it really is a joke when i say that. i love this fic so much ive poured so much love and research and so much of myself into it. augh.

A Little More Time was one of my favorite whumptober pieces (because I’ll be honest I have no clue what inspired me to throw Mask and Time in the same room and put Warriors in a position where essentially he has to pick the brother he HAS or the brother he could still save but it was very mean of me ngl), as well as Brother’s Keeper (Warriors gets REAL sick and Time has to take care of him), The Bees Are Real, Captain (Time gets hit in the head Real Hard), and the two Storm fics (which is the same story from both War and Time’s pov where Time gets shot by an arrow in battle and War has to fix that)

god i gotta stop myself now or i will keep listing off fics and i’ll be here all day….

(I also really liked how Love, Me Normally turned out….. i took a bit of a risk and just went deep into an explanation of my characterization of Warriors and people ended up enjoying it and that makes me happy- and then Misunderstandings wasn’t my FIRST fic but it was the first one for this fandom that got so much positive feedback it made me keep writing)

edit: proud of myself for only listing 9 of the 122 fics i have posted when asked to pic ONE favorite, because god knows i couldve rambled and listed off more 😭😭😭

[brummiereader]

@mischievouslittlecreature ooh she's clever. Very clever 😬.

I absolutely love the way you included this famous scene and Lizzie's deal with Tommy into your own series. Very, very clever! So clever that even Tommy didn't realise what he had agreed to until after.

“Oh, yes, she does,” Lizzie took a step forward, a sneer twisting her face. “No exceptions, Tommy.” Pot, kettle, black, Lizzie. Has she forgotten the deal she made with Tommy and Lucy that she didn't adhere to from practically, day one?? Arghh I hate how conniving she was here. She's so incredibly bitter, that she's completely lost who she was in the begining of this whole mess. At this point, she's only hurting herself by dragging something on that'll never work in her favour.

But will you still? After you learn what I’ve done? He just wanted Lizzie to shut up, and now he's having to deal with the reality of what he agreed to. My heart aches when I see him this h avy with guilt 😩.

Tommy coughed. “She doesn’t want me to fuck anyone else at Arrow House. Or a day before or after holding Ruby by the hand.” 👀😬. If I'm being honest, in canon I thought this "deal" was so dumb and ridiculous. But in your series it makes more sense for Lizzie to say this than it ever did in the original series. In yours it hold so much more weight and reason behind it!

He hadn’t even thought to talk to her about it before agreeing to it… our poor girl 😭. It was gut-wrenching to see her completely taken aback by this revelation. Tommy really should have spoken to her before he agreed to such a thing. I honestly think he would have said yes to whatever Lizzie proposed if it meant keeping her quiet. Thing is, I don't think Tommy would have an issue going against this new arrangement. But Lucy, poor Lucy... she's too much of a people pleaser, too much of a peace keeper that I feel she'd force him to stick to this deal 😭.

“Did Tommy tell you about our new deal?” she's so smug about it 😬.

What does that mean?” there was a trace of alarm in Lizzie’s voice. Lucy looked at her to find her eyes wide, almost worried. She was suddenly very tired. Oh fuck off Lizzie, don't pretend like you care now! What I got from this entire exchange and Lizzie's reaction to Lucy's forbading words is, she knows she can't and won't ever be able to handle Tommy without her. That panic, is her realising that if she won, her little vindictive game would be over and she'd have a shell of the man she claims to love left. If she can't stand Tommy the way he is now. She won't realise what's hit her if Lucy is no longer there.

He blinked. The hands on her fell away, leaving her mourning the warmth and comfort that their touch brought. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Right,” his gaze fell to the floor. “Sorry.” Noooo! I so badly wanted them to just give into what they were denying themselves of 😭. It was so tense, so steamy, and I was behind my phone shouting them on! Come on, when has Tommy ever been one to follow rules 😩😭!

“They didn’t even think to talk to me about it,” she whispered finally, the clear, blatant exclusion enough to pull a wounded sob from her throat. Grace squeezed her tightly. Oh this really upset me 😞. Lucy is always left out of everything when it comes to the Shelby family. But this move from Tommy, was far far worse than any cold shoulder Polly or anyone else could give her. Tommy fucked up big time! And now Lucy feels completely pushed out of not only her home, but the arrangement they originally made as three.

She needed to be strong. “I think that I need to leave.” Noooooo 😭. The angst hurts so much. I knew it would come to this eventually, and I knew it would be absolutely heartbreaking. Tommy begging her to stay absolutely crushed me. But he has a hand in this outcome though, him and Lizzie. They've both left Lucy feeling completely isolated with this stupid fucking deal!! Arghhh, I could scream with how angry I am anf how this has all turned out. I'm furious at Tommy for not setting more boundaries when it came to Lizzie. Sex with her should have never been a thing. These conversations should have never been made without Lucy present. And Lucy should have been included in absolutely everything!

“I’ll fix this,” he promised. She covered his hand with hers, fingers squeezing. At this point, it's a big fuck you Tommy as well! I hope he becomes the most miserable, most impossibly moody person to live with ever. Hopefully that way, Lizzie will finally realise and get it through her skull that she will NEVER be his girl, he will never love her.

Grrrr 😤. I'm fuming 😂 lol. But Incredible chapter, hun 😍! That angst hit so hard 👌🏼. Can't wait to read more ❤️.

Part 26: Do You Love Me

Summary: In an attempt to try to fix things, Tommy accidentally makes a mistake that sends shockwaves through his relationship with Lucy.

Word Count: 6,709

Warnings: Tommy being a fucking idiot, angst, polyamory, sexual content, insecurity, jealousy, suicidal thoughts, and drug use.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Chapter 9: The Deal

“But this is the deal: You don’t fuck anybody else in my house. Nor within a day of holding our child by the hand. A day on either side. And you let me in sometimes. Into your head.”  

He had not thought. Had not even taken a moment to process it all. Truth be told, he was still quite drunk from all the whiskey and champagne he’d drank at the Garrison.

And he did not entirely take her conditions all that seriously. All he saw was a chance to finally put an end to all the ridiculous squabbles and battling he and Lizzie had been partaking in recently. And a chance to butter her up. So that when he asked where Linda was, she would not hesitate to tell him. 

And she didn’t. He had been successful in that regard, at least. She sold her dear friend down the river without a second thought when, after they were done, he looped his arm around her waist and murmured the question sweetly into her ear. 

He always somewhat dissociated from these encounters. Performed. Said and did what he figured she wanted him to say and do. It was easier that way. Kept her happy. 

Or, kept her happy enough at the very least. 

“To clear it out. That what needs clearing out. Agreed.”

But he had not thought of what he was agreeing to. Not really. Not until the concurrence had long ago left his lips. It was not until he had slipped out of bed, pulling his trousers back up and making his way to his office, that he started to really think about the deal Lizzie had just coaxed him into making. 

A sharp swell of horror and shame blossomed within him at the realization that he had not even thought of Lucy at all when agreeing to an arrangement that would effectively ban him from touching her anywhere but their apartment in London. 

He swallowed hard, fingers toying around the little cyanide capsule clutched between them. The idea of placing it between his teeth and biting down was tempting. Far better than having to go to Lucy’s room and tell her what he’d just done. 

The door to his office blew open, and Lizzie came in, demanding to know who he’d just been speaking to on the phone. Despair filled her eyes at his confirmation that it was Arthur.

What the fuck did you think I was going to do, Lizzie? Why do you think that I asked after Linda in the first place?

“You marry a Shelby, you stay fucking married,” he told her as he stood from his seat, going to the door. 

“Tommy.”

He could hear the trembling of anger in her voice. Sighing, he stopped, turning to face her. She drew herself up to her full height. 

“We made a deal.”

He drew in a ragged breath, a knot forming in his throat. Maybe it wasn’t too late to push forward a contingency. A special exception for Lucy from the new rules Lizzie had just put forth. “Lucy doesn’t count–” 

“Oh, yes, she does,” Lizzie took a step forward, a sneer twisting her face. “No exceptions, Tommy.” Something gleamed in her eyes when she threw those words he had once used when he first hired her as his secretary back into his face. 

He stared at her, and wondered where that woman had gone. She had been so sweet and fun, then. Hopeful. Happy, even. What happened to her? Was it him? Was he the one who had killed that version of Lizzie, leaving nothing but the bitter, spiteful person who now stood before him?

Maybe that was the real reason he’d given in so effortlessly to her demands. His guilt over what he put her through–and would continue to put her through–was a crushing weight on his shoulders. She didn’t deserve the bent, twisted bits that were all he was able to offer her. If he were a better, less selfish man, perhaps he would let her go. But he was neither of those things. 

He could tell her to fuck off. Just ignore her demands and carry on as he had been. But there was a very strong likelihood she would storm out on him, then.

Thinking back, he remembered the shimmer of unbending insistence in Lizzie’s eyes as she laid out her conditions. No; there would be no exceptions. He agreed to her terms, or she left. She did not have to even tell him that; he had read it in her face. 

And you still said fucking yes. 

Much as he hated it, he needed her. He couldn’t manage the kids and the house on his own, not to mention the importance of having a wife when it came to public image. 

But he had to try. At least he could say to Lucy that he tried…

“You cannot be serious, Lizzie. With her, it’s different…”

“To you, maybe. But not to me. To me, she’s just some slut that you fuck on the side.”

His fingers flexed, balling into fists, trying to keep his temper reigned in. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that,” he warned, voice a low growl. His eyes narrowed, challenging. “You don’t really mean any of that, anyway.”

Something wavered in Lizzie’s eyes, and he knew that he was right. As almost always was the case with her, she was just mad, and saying things that she only half meant.

She and Lucy had been halfway to being real friends, once. And there were still bouts of time, even after the marriage, that they had seemed to be getting close to being in that place again. That had to indicate that somewhere, under all the jealousy and bitterness, Lizzie held some semblance of fondness or affection for her. 

But her eyes hardened over again, stubbornness and resentment winning out over any sort of endearment for Lucy that may or may not have been there. “Those are my new conditions, Tommy. I’m not budging on them.”

He sighed. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with her on it tonight. She was too angry about him using her to find out where Linda was. 

“We’ll discuss it later,” he relented, and turned to leave once more. 

“You’re going to her,” she accused. 

“You expect me to believe that you want me to spend the rest of the night with you?”

Her jaw clenched, but she did not speak to the alternative. Shaking his head, Tommy shoved past her to the door.

“Not in the house! Or a day on either side of holding Ruby by the hand!” Lizzie yelled after him. 

“Yeah, I fucking got it!” he shouted back, footsteps heavy on the floor. He stomped miserably all the way to Lucy’s room, hand hovering uncertainly at the doorknob, balling his fingers briefly into a trembling fist. 

What the fuck am I going to tell her?

He forced himself to open the door, stepping into the darkened room. Laying across Tommy’s usual spot on the bed, Shadow lifted his huge black head from where it was resting on his paws. In the dark, his brown eyes shimmered, wolflike. Had he been an intruder, the dog likely would have leapt on him in an instant, sharp teeth snapping at his throat. But instead Shadow's tail wagged back and forth across the sheets at the sight of him. 

“Move over, mate,” he requested, stripping out of his trousers and gently encouraging Shadow to move out of his space and go sleep in his dog bed instead. There was still Trouble to contend with where she was snuggled against Lucy’s side, but at least there was room for him. 

He was thankful to the animals for keeping her company, and making sure that she stayed warm on the nights that he was away. 

Do you not feel ashamed? To climb into bed with your lover when your wife’s touch is still cooling on your skin?

He flinched at the thought, freezing halfway into climbing onto the mattress, suddenly tempted to go find a spare room and sleep there instead, to spare himself the shame and guilt. 

Hilarious, of course, to ever think that he could escape either of those. 

The opportunity was taken, however, when Lucy shifted in her sleep and cracked an eye open, squinting at him. 

“Hey.”

He cleared his throat roughly, hoping that his voice sounded somewhat normal. “Hi.”

“Lizzie throw you out?”

“Sort of.”

“Mm.” She scooted, making more room for him, and he finished climbing in beside her. Immediately she snuggled her head atop his chest. “Did you get what you needed from her?”

“I did.”

Her fingers stroked over his ribs. “Good.”

He stared down at her in the dark. Beautiful, even when still half asleep. Her red hair spread out across his chest, lips somewhat pouty with exhaustion. 

He opened his mouth, to tell her of the awful, terrible thing he had just done to them. And then she turned her head and laid a kiss to the center of his chest, growing heavier in his arms as she started to drift off. He closed his mouth, words dying in his throat. 

Coward. 

He would have to tell her eventually. But not tonight. He couldn’t bring himself to. 

“Lucy?” he said, instead.

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

He tipped his head back against the pillows, staring up at the canopy, one arm around her and the other thumbing at his brow. 

But will you still? After you learn what I’ve done?

∗ ∗ ∗

Lucy sighed as she set about straightening the papers in front of her, tucking them into a folder that went into one of the locked drawers in her desk. She checked her watch, frowning at the time. She was supposed to accompany Tommy to a restaurant for a meeting with several other politicians. If they didn't leave soon, they would be late. Tugging on her coat, she double checked to make sure that she had her notebook and pen in her pocket. A moment later, Tommy emerged from his office, shrugging on his coat. 

“Ready?”

She nodded, waved good-bye to Adam, and followed Tommy out into the hallway. 

“I thought that we’d walk,” he said as he held the door open for her. The London air was crisp, but not unpleasant against her cheeks. She raised an eyebrow.

“Alright.”

They walked in silence for a while, the bustle of people and cars around them a familiar sound. Lucy chanced a glance over at Tommy to find him frowning, head angled down so the shadows cast by his cap obscured his eyes. 

“About the talk that I had with Lizzie last night…” Tommy said finally, something that she would have almost considered to be nervousness in his voice. When he didn’t say anything more for a minute, she frowned. 

“Yes?”

“We made a deal,” he continued. Something close to dread twisted in her gut, though she couldn’t name why. “She’s not going to go through with the divorce.”

“That’s good.” Though she wasn’t really sure if it actually was. Useful as Lizzie was to them as Tommy’s wife, Lucy still wished at times that the poor woman would just let him go. Lizzie was a good woman. She deserved to be happy. To have someone who loved her as much as she loved them. Guilt churned in her chest. It was unfair and illogical, to think that she was in some way stealing Lizzie’s share of love from Tommy. And yet still the thought persisted.

Another glance over at Tommy and the deep frown on his face doubled the dread bubbling in her stomach. “What did she want?”

Tommy coughed. “She doesn’t want me to fuck anyone else at Arrow House. Or a day before or after holding Ruby by the hand.”

She almost tripped over her own feet, but somehow managed to keep her composure. It was like someone had punched her in the gut. “Oh.”

“Luce, listen,” he said softly, “we can still go to hotels. Or the apartment here in London…”

Lucy blinked hard, swallowing roughly. A sharp wave of hurt washed over her, mind whirling as she began to process all of the ways in which this new shift in their arrangement with Lizzie would change things. 

He hadn’t even thought to talk to her about it before agreeing to it…

A choking feeling of being discarded and unimportant clawed its way into her chest and burrowed itself there. 

“We’re here,” she nodded to the sign of the restaurant across the street.

“Lucy…” Tommy pressed softly, brow furrowed with worry. She sighed, feeling bad for having brushed him off. Giving his arm a small squeeze, she offered him the most reassuring smile that she could manage. 

“We’ll talk about it later, alright?”

Tommy didn’t look fully convinced, worry still evident in his brow, but he nodded, holding the door to the restaurant open for her.  

She moved through the rest of the day in a bit of a stupor. Her mind kept turning over cruel, self-deprecating thoughts. And as much as she tried to convince herself that they weren’t true, embers of doubt continued to burn in her mind. Tommy was quickly sucked back into the rhythm of work, though she could have sworn that he kept shooting worried glances in her direction when no one was looking. 

∗ ∗ ∗

Work was a welcome distraction, keeping her mind mostly occupied from her reawakened insecurities and a feeling she almost wanted to call betrayal. Despite her promise that they would discuss it later, she’d been consciously avoiding the topic of the new agreement between Tommy and Lizzie. He’d tried to bring it up once or twice, but she’d again brushed him off, not yet ready to deal with it. They had work to do. Once that was done, then they could worry about their personal lives.  

They had gotten back late, and she had gone straight to her office, depositing her briefcase.

“You’re back late.”

She looked up to see Lizzie standing in the doorway, arms crossed elegantly over her chest, head tilted to the side. Lucy swallowed dryly. Lizzie looked tall and regal. After a full day at work and the long drive home, Lucy felt disheveled and exhausted. 

“Meeting ran late,” she explained, walking to the door. Lizzie stepped back into the hallway to allow her through. The heavy wood closed behind her, keys jangling as she locked up the office so the children or animals wouldn’t get into it. 

“Did Tommy tell you about our new deal?”

When she glanced back, Lizzie was looking down at the floor, arms still crossed.

“Yes,” she began to walk towards her room. Lizzie followed her.

“It wasn’t anything personal, Lucy.”

She let out the smallest of bitter laughs, opening the door to her bedroom and leaving it open so Lizzie could follow her inside.

“You can see why it would be hard for me to believe that.”

Lizzie sighed, sitting down on the edge of Lucy’s bed. “I’m sorry.”

Lucy shook her head, not believing that for a second, and walked away to the window. “I don’t understand why neither of you could have at least talked to me before finalizing any sort of new arrangement.”

“This is my house–”

“I live under this roof, too, you know. This affects me. I’m not even saying that I would have said no. It just would have been nice to have at least been included.” Lucy gazed out the window for a long moment. “You knew from day one what the arrangement was going to be, Lizzie. No one lied to you about that. You knew exactly what you were marrying into. And you said that you were alright with that. And yet from the moment you’ve moved into this house, you’ve wanted me gone.” 

“That isn’t true.”

“Don’t try to lie to me. It doesn’t fucking work. What exactly did you think was going to happen? That after you were married, he’d fall in love with you and leave me? You have such an unfair, romanticized version of him in your head. And you're so furious every time he does something that challenges that. Even though he’s never lied to you or deceived you about who he is,” Lucy rubbed at her eyes. “Look, frankly, I don’t give a single fuck about your relationship with Tommy anymore. What is bothering me is that you two are making everyone else around you so miserable that it’s painful to even be in the same room as you.” She drew the curtains closed and turned around. “Believe it or not, I don’t want to see you unhappy. I’ve done everything that I could to try to accommodate you. I don’t know what else to do to make you happy.” She sat down on the opposite edge of the bed from her. “Actually, that’s not true,” she met Lizzie’s gaze. The taller woman pursed her lips, looking down at her hands almost in shame. “But I don’t think it’s very fair that I’m the one who should have to lose everything because you’ve realized that you bit off more than you can chew.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Lucy tilted her head to the side. “What exactly is it that you think you’d accomplish if I left?” There was no accusation in her tone, just simple curiosity. Lizzie looked away and didn’t answer. Lucy shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I leave and he falls in love with you. Finally changes into the man that you’ve fantasized that he would be all these years. Or maybe he’ll resent you,” she shrugged, her eyes focusing on a portrait of a horse on the far wall, fingers picking at a stray thread in her trousers. “Maybe you’ll get to find out.” 

“What does that mean?” there was a trace of alarm in Lizzie’s voice. Lucy looked at her to find her eyes wide, almost worried. She was suddenly very tired.

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t have the energy right now,” she cleared her throat. “So, could you please leave me so that I can try to sleep?”

Something softened a fraction in Lizzie’s eyes, her long fingers reaching out to Lucy before she seemed to think better of it and pulled her hand back. She stood silently, going to the door. She turned back to look at Lucy from the doorway. Her mouth opened to say something, but then changed her mind, instead disappearing out the door without another word.   

∗ ∗ ∗

The next few days were spent locked in a limbo of uncertainty and awkwardness. Time spent at Arrow House hurt. In the handful of days since Tommy told her about the agreement she did her best to keep mostly to herself, actively avoiding both Tommy and Lizzie and instead spending most of her time locked away in her office or her room.

Lucy still was unsure of what exactly she wanted to do. Yet with every night she spent curled up alone in her bed, the deeper the thought of leaving burrowed into her brain. She was living in a house with four other people and a decently sized staff, and yet she had never felt so lonely. Perhaps her leaving really would be what was best for everyone.

It was the weekend. Lizzie had taken Charlie and Ruby out riding while Lucy and Tommy finished up on some work. She was in Tommy’s office, ruffling through a stack of papers, brow furrowed in concentration, when two strong arms wound around her waist, fingers toying with the buttons on her burgundy waistcoat. A kiss was pressed to the base of her neck, her back tugged to press fully against Tommy’s front.

“I like this waistcoat,” Tommy purred, pressing more kisses to her neck. Lucy giggled, squirming at the tickle of his lips against her skin. With one quick movement Tommy spun her around, fingers hooking in the belt loops of her trousers to pull her close and press a kiss to her lips. A contented sigh fell from her mouth, fingers twisting in his hair. His touch was addictive, voice a deep rumble that went straight to her core as he mumbled sweet nonsense to her in Romani. Big hands gripped her hips, lifting her up to set her on his desk. Her thighs fell open on near instinct, Tommy’s body slotting definitively between them, pressing himself firmly against her. 

She had nearly forgotten how easy it was for Tommy to make her forget everything else in the world with a simple caress. His kisses to her mouth were growing sloppier and more urgent, hips rutting forward to grind the growing bulge in his trousers against her clothed core. His hands fumbled at her shirt, undoing the buttons of her waistcoat, palms warm through the thin material of the white shirt she had layered beneath it. Her own hands smoothed across his shoulders, nails digging in and pulling a growl from his throat. Tommy’s left hand pulled away from her waist to instead cradle her cheek, tilting her head so he could press eager kisses to her neck. 

The feeling of the cool metal of his wedding band pressing against her skin was like a bucket of cold water being dumped over her head. Lucy froze, body tensing as Tommy nipped playfully at her pulse point. 

“Tommy,” she said, the hands on his shoulders pushing him away gently. “Tommy, stop.”

He froze, ceasing his movements and pulling back to look at her. Lucy heaved out a sigh, hand tracing along his jaw. She smiled sadly.

“We can’t.”

He blinked. The hands on her fell away, leaving her mourning the warmth and comfort that their touch brought. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Right,” his gaze fell to the floor. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” she lied. Her forehead bumped against his when she leaned forward. She knew that he felt bad about the whole situation. There were the constant worried glances in her direction, paired with the way he had been treating her more…softly lately. Not that Tommy had ever treated her in a way that could be described as harsh, but he was noticeably more delicate towards her now. Like he was afraid that one wrong word or movement would shatter her into a million pieces.  

She understood what he had been trying to do. He wanted to make her feel better. Sex was one of Tommy’s coping mechanisms. His way of forgetting all of the pain and bullshit for at least a little while.

For a moment they remained there, foreheads pressed together and eyes closed. Lucy was afraid to move, to even speak. That if she did it would kill what little resolve she still clung to and she’d give into the temptation that Tommy offered. Denying herself what she wanted, particularly when it came to him, wasn’t something that she was used to. But once they opened that door there would be no closing it, and the moment Lizzie thought that her rules were being broken…it wouldn’t be good. For anyone.  

“We should get back to work,” she finally whispered, voice a hoarse rasp. Tommy nodded.

“Yes,” his voice alarmed her a little, sounding so defeated and sad. He stepped away from her, smoothing his hair back into place and walking around the desk to sit down in his chair. Lucy watched him as she worked on re-buttoning her waistcoat. 

He seemed so far away, suddenly. Eyes glazed over and sorrowful. She wanted nothing more than to let herself fall into his arms and let him make them both forget about this sudden chasm that had opened up between them.  

Instead she smoothed herself down, shoved all thought and feeling deep down, and got back to work.

∗ ∗ ∗

Everything had remained as it was. Her clothes. Her boxes of jewelry. The bed in the middle of the room. Even the portraits on the wall. The maids were allowed in to dust and clean, but that was all. Only Lucy, Tommy, and Frances had keys to the room. Not even Lizzie was allowed access to it.

The bed was as soft as Lucy remembered when she sat down on the edge of it, gaze focused out the massive windows. She took a small sip from her little bottle of opium, closing her eyes as she felt the substance begin to seep into her mind. 

“This is a stupid idea.”

For the first time in what felt like days, Lucy’s lips twitched upwards into some semblance of a smile.

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“Stay here. Don’t let her run you out of your own home.”

“If I stay here, it’ll only increase the chances that Tommy and I slip up.”

“So?”

She sighed heavily. “Love…”

“What Lizzie doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

“You’re terrible, you know that?”

A chuckle. Lucy finally turned to look over her shoulder at the source of the low voice. Her hair was still bright golden, blue eyes stern but warm, hands shoved into her pockets. She was wearing that white blouse that she so often had on when she was working at the Garrison.

Grace smiled, moving to sit on the bed next to her. Lucy closed her eyes, letting her head rest on the ghost’s shoulder. Grace’s soft fingers stroked through her hair, her touch warm and soothing. Tears pricked in Lucy’s eyes.

“I miss you.”

Grace hummed, wrapping her arms around her. “I know, love.”

Lucy’s mind was at war with itself in its attempt to discern what Grace actually was. Part of her wanted to believe that it really was her deceased lover, watching over both her and Tommy all these years. But the rest of her could only reason that it was just her subconscious, no doubt having grown tired of her bullshit, conjuring up a recognizable figure to offer her comfort and counsel when she needed it.

“It doesn’t really have to do with Lizzie,” Lucy admitted finally. 

“Then what is it?”

She looked up at Grace sadly. “I don’t think that I can stand to stay somewhere where I feel so unwanted,” a few tears escaped her eyes that she hastily wiped away.

“Tommy wants you here.”

Lucy looked away, biting her lip.

“You don’t believe that?”

She shrugged. Grace hugged her tighter to her side. “Give him time, love. He’ll come up with some sort of solution. He always does. He knows that this current situation isn’t sustainable.”

“I can’t stay, Grace,” she sat up. “I can’t stay in this place that now makes me feel nothing but miserable and bitter. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

“And you think that if you leave, you won’t feel miserable and bitter?” 

Lucy looked down at her hands, the lump in her throat building. Grace rubbed her shoulder.

“It’s not just that,” the ghost said. “So what is it?” She rested her forehead against the top of Lucy’s head when she didn’t speak. “You can say it. It’s just me.”

“They didn’t even think to talk to me about it,” she whispered finally, the clear, blatant exclusion enough to pull a wounded sob from her throat. Grace squeezed her tightly. “And now,” she laughed painfully, “now Lizzie’s happier, since he agreed to her new rules. How can I challenge it without becoming a problem? Me just being here puts it all at risk.” She knew herself and Tommy well. It would only be so long before they inevitably slipped. Resisting temptation had never been their strong suit.  

“You’re not responsible for Lizzie and Tommy’s relationship, love,” Grace tried to soothe her.

“There’s something wrong. With Tommy. He’s just so…miserable, Grace. And I don’t know why, but maybe…maybe if things can get stabilized with Lizzie, he’ll be happier,” she ran a hand through her hair. “At the very least he’ll have a peaceful place to come home to each night.”

“And you think that he’ll be happy, coming home to this house each night when you’re not in it?”

She sighed, pulling away and wiping at her tear stained face. It was good that she was getting her crying out now, though. “I don’t know.”

Grace’s hand was on her shoulder. “I’m not talking you out of this, am I?”

A sad smile. “No.” A flash of anger shone in Grace’s eyes. “What?”

The blonde shook her head. “This isn’t fair. This is your home too.”

“Not anymore.”

Grace took her hand and squeezed it as Lucy looked around the room one last time. The blonde’s lips twitched upwards a bit. “I’ll still be right here with you whenever you need me, love. No need to say goodbye.”    

Lucy managed a small smile, leaning into the kiss Grace planted on her forehead, eyes closed. When she opened them, the space beside her on the bed was empty.

She was alone once again. 

∗ ∗ ∗  

Lucy opened the door to Tommy’s office to find him leaning back in his chair, face tilted towards the ceiling. His hands were crossed over his stomach, brow furrowed. Clearly deep in thought.

“I need to talk to you,” her voice was steadier than she felt. Tommy tilted his head to look at her, eyebrow raised. He sat up in his seat.

“Alright.” 

She glanced around the office, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. “Can we go outside?” She wasn’t sure if this conversation would end in a fight or not, but if it did, she’d rather no one else heard them shouting. Tommy blinked but nodded, getting up from his chair and walking out with her towards the front door. They tugged on their coats and hats stiffly, and then Tommy was holding open the door for her, shoes crunching on the gravel as they walked towards the grass that covered the expansive grounds surrounding Arrow House. 

Tommy coughed, opening his cigarette case and offering one to her. She took it thankfully, leaning forward as he lit it for her. They walked in silence until they came to a small hill, overlooking the trees that littered the property.

“What was it that you wanted to talk about?” Tommy asked. Lucy took another drag from her cigarette, so wracked with nerves that she thought she might be sick.

“I’ve been thinking a lot. These past couple of days,” she said, still looking out at the green fields. The wind kissed at her cheeks and pulled on her hair. She took in a deep breath. “It’s not working, Tommy,” she forced herself to look at him. His face had gone a bit paler than usual. Behind those winter blue eyes, she could see the cogs in his head beginning to whir, to process the meaning behind her words. “We’ve tried everything with this current arrangement and no matter what we do, someone’s always unhappy,” she shook a few loose red locks of hair out of her face. “I think…Tommy,” she straightened her back and squared her shoulders. She needed to be strong. “I think that I need to leave.”

She had expected him to shout. Maybe pace back and forth. Kick the trunk of the tree nearby. To fight her until the sun went down. But instead he just stood there, motionless, staring at her. As if in shock.

“Tommy…” she whispered, growing a bit unnerved when he didn’t say anything. 

“Are you-” he stopped for a moment, swallowing hard. “Are you saying that you want to break up?”

“No!” she started, taking a cautious step closer to him. “No, I don’t want to break up. And I don’t want to stop working with you. I just–” she heaved out a long, slow breath. “I think that it might be for the best. If Lizzie and I aren’t living under the same roof.”

“Is this about what happened in my office? Lucy, I’m sorry. I got carried away, it won’t happen again-”

“Tom,” she said, trying to keep her voice level and soothing. “We both know that’s not true.”

His gaze dropped from hers to fix on the grass beneath their feet. When he looked back up, his expression had hardened. “No.”

“Tommy, listen to me-”

“No!” he strode forward, until he was right in front of her, towering over her.     

“Tom, Lizzie can’t handle me being so…so…present all the time. She’s told us what her boundaries are and I’m not going to trample on them.”

“You can’t leave,” his eyes were frantic, the word passing his lips like it physically hurt him.

“I’m trying to save your marriage, Tom.”

“Fuck my marriage!”

“Tommy!”

“You are not fucking leaving!”

“Tommy, you need her. She’s an integral part of your social image as a politician.”

“I need you!”

“And I’ll still be with you Tommy. You’ll see me everyday at work. You can call me or send a driver to come bring me here from Small Heath if you need me. But Arrow House is Lizzie’s now, Tommy. There’s no place for me in it. Me being here…it’s a constant, physical reminder to Lizzie that you don’t love her,” he winced at her words. “It was cruel and selfish of me to stay as long as I already have.”

He was silent as he mulled over her words. Lucy could no longer fight the need to go to him, resting a hand on his chest while the other cupped his jaw. She made a sad attempt at a smile that was painfully undercut by the tears watering in her eyes. She shrugged her shoulders. 

“We’ve tried this current living arrangement for years, Tom. It’s not working and I am clearly part of the problem.” 

“You're not a problem, Lucy,” his thumb stroked her cheek. She leaned into him on instinct, closing her eyes both in response to his warm touch and because she could no longer bear to look into those devastated blue orbs. His grip on her tightened. “We can figure this out, eh? You don’t have to leave. We can find some way for us to still be together.”  

“We can still be together, Tommy. Just not under that roof. Not anymore.” She felt the tiniest of flinches beneath her palms at her words. “Let’s just…just try this. For a little while. After things have calmed down and are more stable, then maybe we can figure something else out.” The maybe hung in the air, the weight of it heavy enough to crush them both beneath it. 

Tommy cupped her cheeks, forehead pressed to hers. His eyes squeezed shut, face contorting into a look of such raw pain she almost burst into tears at the sight of it. An exhale that sounded more like a sob burst its way past his lips. His jaw clenched, throat flexing in what she recognized as an attempt to not let himself cry. She watched patiently as his face changed from blatant sorrow to defeated acceptance. Her hands came up to cover his, stroking over the warm skin. 

“It’s okay,” she whispered, voice breaking a tiny bit at the end, eyes blinking hard to fight back her tears. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry.

“Where will you go?” his voice sounded very tired.

“Charlie said I could stay in the spare room they have at the yard. It’s close. And you can pick me up in the mornings on your way to London.”

He nodded. “Take Shadow with you.”

“What? No, Tommy, I can’t take your dog–” 

“Please, Luce. For my own piece of mind.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“When will you leave?”

“Tonight.”

He sucked in a pained breath. Lucy let her hands slip around his wrists, tilting her head up to press a slow, soft kiss to his lips. Her attempt to pull back didn’t accomplish much, Tommy’s hands holding her face close to his.

“Oh, don’t go,” he begged, lips brushing over hers as he spoke, though she could hear the defeat in his voice. She rested her forehead once again against his.

“I have to.”

“No,” his grip on her didn’t loosen, even though she could hear it in his voice that she had already won.

“I have to go,” she began to tug away from him.

“No. Please, no,” her heart broke with each pleading word, her eyes closed as she forced herself to be strong. To not allow herself to just fall into him and take what she so badly wanted. 

“Yes. Yes. Tommy,” she forced her eyes to open, to look into those sorrowful blue eyes. “You have to let me go.”

His face crumpled, eyes squeezing shut as his head fell forward, arms winding around her waist to hug her tightly. He pressed one, two, three kisses to her lips. Paused a moment as if just breathing her in. And then finally his arms slackened, and he let his grip on her slide away.  

He didn’t let go of her hand as they walked back to the house in solemn silence. It was only once they’d crossed the threshold that he released her, mumbling something about having a car brought around for her.

The walk back to her room was excruciating, her eyes attempting to soak in every piece of the house she had spent so many years in. The two suitcases of packed belongings were heavy in her hands. There wasn’t nearly enough space in the cases to hold everything she owned, but she figured that once she knew where exactly she would settle down, she would come back for the rest of her belongings. Trouble was laying on her bed, lifting her head with a soft meow and watching her curiously. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Lucy said to her, giving the cat a few pets on the head. She wished that she could take her with her to Charlie’s, but she was worried about her getting out and getting lost or into mischief while she was away at work. “It’ll be better for you to stay here. Tommy will take good care of you, yeah?”

Trouble gave her an unconvinced meow, rubbing her head against her palm. Lucy had to blink away the tears that welled up in her eyes.

“Try not to be too hard on him, sweetie, okay? You gotta take care of him for me here now.” She leaned down to give the cat a kiss on the top of her little head, then picked up her suitcases again. At the doorway she allowed herself one more quick glance at the bedroom before venturing out into the hallway.

The driver was waiting for her at the front of the house, dutifully taking her suitcases despite her weak protests that she could manage. Tommy was standing near the door, Shadow's lead clutched in his hand, a deep frown on his face as he watched her. With a trembling hand she took the lead from Tommy, Shadow happily trotting over to stand watchfully by her side. 

“I’ll come pick you up in the morning,” Tommy said, voice very matter-of-fact, eyes not really looking at her. There was little more that she could do other than nod.

“Okay.”

“You’ll call me, if you need anything?”

“Of course.”

“Alright.”

They were both quiet for a long, painful moment. Then Tommy’s palm cradled her cheek, thumb stroking along her cheekbone. “I’ll fix this,” he promised. She covered his hand with hers, fingers squeezing. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she forced herself to give him a small smile that Tommy didn’t return. And then she was clamoring into the backseat of the car, Shadow jumping up to sit on the seat beside her. She gazed out the window at Tommy’s figure standing there in the doorway as they pulled away. Her fingers stroked through the dog’s soft fur as she watched the house grow smaller and smaller in the distance. Finally, when it was little more than a blot in the rearview window, she buried her face in Shadow's fur, and began to sob.

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[mochiwrites]

can I just say. how absolutely mentally exhausting it is to constantly be questioning the intentions behind someone's words and actions

[adustoflove]

I always think well if I dated a man, I wouldn't feel as insane. I wouldn't feel so awful or jealous. And then I remember why I came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. I just wouldn't care if it were a man. I just can't bring myself to care about men like that 😔😩😭

[fairyofshampgyu]

Getting rejected from an audition sucks guys I’m actually really sad rn ☹️☹️👎

[xxplastic-cubexx]

obsessed with how the literal second charles first dies in the classic comics magneto finally comes back for the first time in like twenty issues

[harapeveco]

I’m genuinely curious about why some ibunas hate the idea that some people enjoy more the eveke characters than Eve himself

[mwagneto]

i havent finished da3 yet so maybe this will be explained but i literally just dont understand why the hell I'M the inquisitor. like just coz i was ambiguously At Some Place where some important shit happened and i have a mark on my hand that can close rifts, that gives me a licence to run literally everything?? what if the random guy who showed up from the rift with no memories is shit at running things??? or just evil???? not to mention why is the top dog the one to go on every single mission ever like why am i doing frankly insane amounts of busywork if im theee guy of this organisation? like it would've made far more sense for there to be an inquisitor who's, yknow, actually experienced at running things, who stays back in skyhold while i go out to close rifts and collect 15 elfroot and 5 black lotus like surely this should not be the inquisitor's job

[acebytaemin]

the way my boss pulled me away and told me ‘okay stupid question but. what are you afraid of? you always do everything so well so what are you afraid of?’ and it was so funny i was like i didn’t know he knew me like that. also damn it’s imposter syndrome not like i can help it !!!!!

[dollsuguru]

HI HI KAIROOOOO !!! i hope you’re sleeping and snoozing peacefully rn <3333333 BUT . I HAVE. AN EXTREMELY IMPORTANT QUESTION……….

have u played . genshin impact.

and do you know who this man is.

….. bc i literally JUST realized that he’s extremely kairocoded and i can’t believe i haven’t asked you this before??????? you would ADORE him he’s so dilf!sugu coded :((((( his name is zhongli hehe… i’m assuming you’ve heard of him at least but. we’ve Never talked abt genshin so i can’t be sure 😭 i just KNOW you’d be a kaeya stan too… ur taste in men is unsurpassed i fear

ANYWAY THAT’S ALL i needed to ask u immediately bc i’ve been thinking of him lots lately…. my baby…… weeps . ily kairo :33

I DID INDEED EXPERIENCE BOUTS OF HONK SHOO MIMIMI’ING <333 HEHEHE

AND OMFJFNFNFNFNDNDND I HAVE NEVER PLAYED GENSHIN IMPACT BUT I DO KNOW *OF* THE CHARACTERS LIKE I’VE HEARD THEIR NAMES & KNOW HOW SOME OF THEM (KAEYA) LOOK LIKE

BUT I’VE HEARD OF ZHONGLI AND HELLO?2&:&:!:9/ BARK BARK BARK (RESPECTFULLY) HE LOOKS SOOOOOOO GOOD??? and……. and……. gulps……. dilf!suguru coded you say…………. i never played/put a name to zhongli’s face but dear lord he’s so pretty THE HAIR THE EYES THE AMBER/ORANGE AURA + THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS??? i need him… AND PLEASEDNDNDNDN YOU KNOW ME SO WELL 😭 i do indeed know kaeya his massive honkers & eyepatch & blue hair/eyes + tan skin have bewitched me the day i saw him……. AND FANK YEW FOR MY UNSURPASSED TASTE IN MEN (they’re all freaks but they’re sexy & dilfy) <333 BUT OMFG… i may need to start playing… TYSM FOR SENDING THIS IN ILY I’M NOW INTRIGUED 👀🩷

BUT ARI OMFG WHAT ARE YOUR FAV GAMES/YOUR TOP THREE CHARACTERS IN GENSHIN 🎤🎤🎤 i must know………. (and ily too :3 🩷🤭🩷)

[soft-serve-soymilk]

BATTLE IN THE CENTRE OF THE MIND CONTINUES TO BE ONE OF THE MOST TROPES EVER

[teh-nos]

. (further)

[dormiloncito]

ok i wasn't doubting it but i'm convinced new vegas is a great game