#if you followed me for my loving mom persona im sorry this is the way you found out im actually fucked up

[bubblegumgothglados]

Have you ever thought about fingering a corpse? Maybe you kill them as you're touching them, inject poison into their veins. You know their really dead when a final moan escapes their lips and the light leaves their eyes. And you just, keep touching them. Something about the way their dead cooling flesh feels under your finger, something about how they no longer react and never will again. Maybe they start drying out after half an hour so you lube them up and keep playing. Squeezing their, sorry, it's clit hard and filling it up with your fingers. Not even getting off necessarily, more like a child with a magnifying glass turning ants to smoke. Maybe you loose interest after an hour or so. Maybe you fall asleep wrapped in it's arms. Maybe you wake up a few hours later, rigor mortis has set in, the corpse is holding you tighter in death than the girl ever did in life. Maybe you wriggle your way free but now you're achingly hard and you want to fuck it more than anything. But it's legs are locked together. So you go get a hacksaw, you carefully remove it's legs, the blood oozes out congealing on your hands and sheets. You remove it's arms too, putting the whole lot in the freezer, no point waiting good meat. Finally you remove it's head, to keep, as a reminder of your deceased love. Just the body torso left. You lube up it's cold lifeless pussy, you lay down, you position it on top of you and slowly ease yourself inside it. Maybe because it's muscles are frozen it's tighter than you've ever felt before. Maybe you fuck yourself with it, covered in it's blood, remembering the girl it used to be. Maybe it's the best sex you've ever had.

[mihai-florescu]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Hello and welcome to watchmojo where today we will be ranking my favorite fictional characters.

Before we start, honorable mentions to Nobimaru, Reigen Arataka, Noah Czerney, half the cast of enstars, and so on and so forth.

10. Hamlet

Most of the list is going to have anime characters but I can't imagine a top 10 list without my original literary blorbo. We studied Hamlet in my first year of highschool, my teacher asked in front of the whole class whether we know which one of us suffers of Hamlet's tragic flaw, then pointed to me and proceeded to dismiss us for the day. How is one supposed to move on from that? I only hope I have managed to change whatever fate she implied I'd meet. But, besides that, I actually did really enjoy the play and the character even before this incident.

9. Kaoru Sakurayashiki from Sk8 the Infinity

I've said it before, but how painful is it to have one of your favorite characters be from a seasonal 12 episode sports anime... he's not even the protagonist. I just like seeing characters who appear analytical and driven by logic with low emotional intelligence make very emotional decisions. Using the logical persona more like a shield, especially if their feelings have been hurt in the past. And, well, That's Cherry. The Joe-Cherry-Adam plotline will always be so dear to me. Kaoru who kept the grudge born out of a lack of proper closure for years. Kaoru who wanted to believe things could maybe go back to how they were. Kaoru who was snapped to reality so, so violently. He's just so dear to me.

8.Victor Vale from Vicious

It's not that before I read Vicious I didn't know what morally gray protagonists were, but this is the book that really made me realise just how much I actually enjoy reading about such characters. I like how Victor (and Eli, but I've always been a Victor girl) walk the line between hero and villain, how Victor, seen as the villain, may kill but only with a reason, whereas Eli, the hero, is killing out of the conviction that EOs shouldn't exist when he himself is one. We are foils of each other, we are separated by different ideological beliefs, youre the only one who can kill me, im the only one who knows you, and so on and so forth.

But beyond his rivalry with Eli, Victor's found family of criminals, necromancer and resurected dog is so dear to me. He even dies and comes back wrong countless times. How is he not a popular tumblr blorbo already...

7. Takahashi Yotasuke from Blue Period

Blue Period has a lot of compelling characters but Yotasuke's story in particular is the dearest to me, followed by Hashida and Maki. As for what I like about Yotasuke... The way our first introduction to him is as the tehnically skilled prodigy, but soon enough learn that he doesn't have much going on in life besides that. The way his mom's assumptions of his life ended up controlling it. The way Yotasuke never really had any choice besides art. And the irony in the fact that art was all he ever had and, in the end, it wasn't why he got admitted into university, but because of his high academic exam scores. And the way he finally starts becoming his own person in university, makes actual bonds, starts choosing things for himself. I wish we had even more chapters about him but I also understand the value in seeing perspectives on life and art from a wide variety of characters in the cast.

6. Daiba Nana from Revue Starlight

The stage girl that got me into Revue Starlight herself babyy. Her fear of the future and refusal to move on, her wanting to repeat the same pleasant but unchallenging year over and over and over again. The same stage repeated with no divergences cannot continue to be captivating, yet the familiarity of the scene is preferable to losing it completely, to it becoming just a memory. What Nana had to learn was that Starlight is the only play the 99th class will do, but there is value in seeing it shift and change throughout their years together as they also grow and mature.

I initially found it funny that she was on the villains wiki since that's why i decided to start the anime to begin with, but after i watched the show and films, I can't help but think that people who honestly believe she's a villain kind of miss the point. She takes on the role of antagonist opposing the natural flow of time, sure, but she's not a villain.

5. Aoba Tsumugi from Ensemble Stars

Sometimes I'll call both Nana and Tsumugi my Jokers, so you know he had to make the list as well. As for why I like him... I'm intrigued by his utilitarian outlook on life, his ability to make himeslf believe in things, even if they're not real, to serve his purpose, and of course, his clumsy girl charm. I like seeing him make up for the pain he has took part in causing during the war. And I like hearing about his home life, it makes me insaaane whenever mrs Aoba or his brother get brought up... Overall, while he himself might not think so, he is indispensable to the story, to the war, but more importantly to what follows the war.

4. Sunohara Momose & 3. Orikasa Yukito from Idolish7

Well, here's the thing, Momo and Yuki's stories are so entwined that you can't talk about one without the other, so I will write my thoughts about both of them here. Momo is the sports anime protagonist whose career was stopped before it could even start as a result of an injury during a game, who then turned to his sister's favorite idols Re:Vale for comfort, at her recommendation. He was there at their important concerts as a follower and defender, and he was there to witness when Ban had the light fall on him. Without Momo's daily pleas, without him joining Re:Vale, Yuki wouldn't have continued being an idol. But while Yuki starts to feel better, to love both Momo and their work, Momo is haunted by the promise he made in those desperate attempts to pick Yuki up: they will not have to be partners for longer than Yuki and Ban were. Even after they find Ban and Yuki makes Momo realise he would never want another partner at this point, they're both so stubborn and ready to sacrifice themselves for the other that they're still not fully on the same page. I like the other arcs in Idolish7 but Re:Vale are what elevate it to my favorite anime of all time. There was a period in my life when I would read the Re:member manga almost daily just because I love Yuki and Momo so much.

2. Hibiki Wataru & 1. Tenshouin Eichi from Ensemble Stars

I will lump these 2 together as well, not because I don't think they're complete characters on their own, but because they defined what the story of Ensemble Stars is. To me, at least, they're the most important pillars, the foundation even, if you will. At the end of the day, enstars is a story about humanity with its multitude of complex facets, and love (learning to love and be loved). Wataru and Eichi just portray the themes of the story in the most interesting ways. Eichi playing the protagonist in his and Keito's revolution turned war story, Wataru and the other eccentrics playing the villains. That story ends with the protagonist emerging victorious, as all stories do. But it was such a rushed, not well written story that it is not satisfying for anyone involved. So, with Natsume's dream pipe of a plan, Wataru asks Eichi to write a sequel with a happy ending. That's the base for everything past the Yumenosaki war. Wataru stays by Eichi's side to see the plan through, and in the process they happen to actually grow to appreciate deeply and even love each other. Even after the original story finishes, they continue to walk together into the new era. I will Eichi here: I wonder if that's what society calls love... I just adore seeing their story unfold, and I'm nervous for what the future holds for them...

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 23: PRETTY BOY

emotions run wild when everyone is drunk and hardly coherent. quackity is always loud, but tonight is a full on assault on the senses (the ears, in particular). bretman simps for corpse too much for your liking. rae is happy for once. there’s a confession of love somewhere in there. sister james makes a very good impostor, but that’s old news, the real question is who gave you a knife? a new persona emerges that leaves the roaches quivering in their boots.

─── corpse husband x reader, a lil bit of everyone x reader (because she’s a queen) ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: a lil over 7k.

author’s note: it’s the way i can’t follow a fucking calendar for me. sorry guys, i swear to god i thought i had one more day before thursday . the idiot award goes to me and i accept it with pride. anyway, i was excited to write this for a while! quackity is in mexico, that’s why he drinks, too. my fic, my rules, he’s too funny not to include. im also working on an extra w dream and mr quack so look forward to that, too! hopefully u like this part ily xx and as always lmk wat u think!!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

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The outfit for today was picked with care and consideration. Hot, as always- you had forgotten your roots, your hoodie and sweats lay hidden in the bottom of your drawer never to be worn on stream again. You’ve changed. Clout really does that to people. Some viewers, naturally, find your hotness near insulting: how dare you rub your beauty in their faces, and so unabashedly, too?! If only you had a twinge of self-awareness, perhaps you would tone it down. But you don’t, and whether that’s by choice or not is the mystery the whole internet tries to solve (ARMY has been working diligently, and you admire their effort, though in the end their tireless labor brings no tangible results). 

You went from hot to hotter. In all truth, the fires eating away at California can be blamed on you. You carry this burden in stride, in your platform overpriced shoes some girl scammed you on Depop with, in your fishnets, in your skirt, in your corset, in your rings and necklaces and chains. You woke up today and chose violence. Decided your existence will be a plague to the rest of the populace, and meant it (that, maybe, you took inspiration from a certain faceless Youtuber that so happens to be your boyfriend or whatever). You feel powerful. Like you could step on the world and the world would let you. You decide that it’s the way it should always be. 

The smile on your lips informs of nothing good to your quaint, small audience of 40k. You change the lighting in your room from the soft cherry blossom pink to menacing violet. As fitting for a villain.

Perhaps California’s hellish sun has finally purged you of your bubbly, docile nature (arguably, you had never possessed it to begin with); perhaps it’s the forth mimosa you’re mixing as people slowly trickle into the lobby. Who knows?! Not you, definitely. What do all of those boring dead white European philosophers say? Embrace the unknown? Cheers, you’ll drink to that.

In stark contrast to your appearance, your room is a fucking mess. A war-zone of epic anime scale. Everything is scattered, well, everywhere. A perfect representation on what’s going on in your mind, always. You don’t like how people focus on your surroundings-- you’re the main attraction, hello? Are you not enough to sustain them? Must they beg for more?! Totally ungrateful. You shake your head in disappointment, as if a mother scolding her children. 

noooooo! mom pls forgive me i will never ask abt anything ever again T_T

yall looking at the room? lol couldnt be me

feels like im five and my mum just told me i cant eat a pretty rock i found on the pavement:(

You can’t contain your sly grin. Eyes twinkle with a purplish hue, appearing all the more menacing. You tricked them once again, oh how absolutely evil of you. In your blind delight you accidentally spill champagne on your lap.

“-Oop, fuck.” You snort.

why does she sound like goofy 

The scandalous drunk Among Us stream is about to start. You had been eerily silent through the greetings, and those that chose to approach you were met with a cold shoulder and minimal replies. All on purpose, of course. You wish to plant a seed of unease within them, and so far, it’s working. There are questions unanswered, jokes unsaid, Quackity unteased. It breaks your heart, but it must be done. You look into the camera, all vulnerable and devout, as if to say: I’m doing this for you, all for you.

pack it up yandere simulator

idk whats going on but i think im into it?

villain arc villain arc villain aRC VILLAIN ARC

“Hey, guys,” Corpse’s voices rings in your headphones, and not a blink later his astronaut appears in the lobby in a cloud of smoke, “Hi, Y/n.”

More sharp, excited hellos follow after. You merely hum, though give no further reply. As Corpse strays to your side, Charlie steps in in front of him, “BDA access only. You have a permit, bitch?”

“Y/n is being quiet-she’s being quiet, guys!” Quackity helpfully informs, as if the rest failed to notice your cryptic silence, “Don’t be sad Corpse, man, Corpse don’t be-she didn’t say shit to me either.”

“Y/n has decided to not waste her breath on the SDS.” Charlie voices, “And you know what? I actually agree with her for once.”

“SD-what now?” Dream questions.

“The Small Dick Society.” Charlie explains, noting Dream’s whine of protest, “Oh no, don’t give me that shit, weren’t you bitching about not being invited and not belonging to exclusive clubs? Congratulations, you’re finally part of one.”

“Wait!” Quackity interjects, “Am I part of it too?”

“Guess, Sherlock.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Corpse says. You nod to your audience, like he just spoke the God honest truth, and follow in his example. Your tentative sip unexpectedly turns into a greedy gulp, but you’re not complaining. The only slightly coherent thought that rings in your mind is drink tasty.

“Ignore them,” Rae chimes, “Y/n’s probably plotting something and using Charlie as a cover up.”

“I’d never.” The words slip past your lips before you can stop them.

“Well you sure are very quick to deny it.” You can hear her smirking, can hear the proud lilt in her voice, like she caught onto your silly little scheme, like she has you all figured out. Your eyes narrow dangerously. The night behind your window pools dark, with far away city lights glimmering before they, too, seem to dim. 

Your roommate is back on your shitlist. How her name was missed among the rest.

“I’m defending my honor.” You yelp, the playfulness back in your voice along with your sunny smile, “I can’t have my wifey slandering me online. At least do it in private, geez.”

If Rae’s such a good detective, you’ll give her a good chase. Perhaps you’ve been laying it on too thick. Made her too suspicious. She can’t out you yet--not when your plans are so grand, so fun. It would be a waste.

“Why weren’t you saying anything then?” Quackity questions.

“Do I need a reason not wanting to talk to you?” You shoot back. Your friends laugh and he tries to shriek something past their cackle. You lean back into your chair, the tension from Rae’s confrontation finally easing. You wink at the camera and bring a finger to your lips. The roaches swear to secrecy, elated by your wickedness. As appropriate, they spam devil emojis and various renditions of evil hohohos and hehehes. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree. You had raised them well. You raise your glass in solidarity. A few donations fall into your pocket, easily summed up as: make them suffer.

Muting the discord call, you give a single response, “Oh, I intend to.”

i hope this doesn’t awaken something in me

^already too late for me bro

As caught up in wreaking havoc among your viewers as you are, you miss Sykkuno’s entrance, though from what you can tell, Charlie gave a stern warning to back the fuck off to him, too. He’s playing into your plan so beautifully. Truly, you couldn’t do this without him. Back to stalking the chat you go.

Your eyes flicker to the game upon Bretman’s signature drawl and “Hi, daddy.”. You have no time to get offended at Corpse’s sweet “Hi, honey” back, because the next person to join the discord call and the lobby leaves you speechless. You knew, of course, you had been informed of the line-up, but still, you had never expected yourself to be so close to Jomes Chorles himself. You make a weird gesture with your hands, half wave half excited wiggle, as if you’re telling the audience to calm down, when, in fact, it is you that needs calming.

He goes saying his hello’s like doing a public service, name by name, before, lastly, uttering, “Hi, Miss Y/n. Loooove the vids.”

He’s a roach in disguise, who could’ve known?! Your audience is so diverse and unexpected, gosh, you’d shed a tear if the mascara wasn’t so expensive.

“Hi!” You reply with a grin, and it’s genuine this time, a glimmer of your old self, “Hi, I love your videos, too. It’s like, really cool to finally meet you.”

“Oh my God, you too!” Is his enthusiastic reply, “Okay, the energy in the studio today? Love it.”

“Is this all of us?” Quackity asks.

“Sadly.” James says with a note of disappointment.

“HEY!”

“Okay, guys!” Ash chimes, “Let’s do this! Proximity Among Us, round one, go go go!”

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Luck does not shine upon you during the first round- you are stuck as Crew Mate, your life cut short by Bretman who had the audacity to bite your head off. You’re positive Ke$ha wrote her hit single Cannibal about him, and if she didn’t, she definitely had a That’s So Raven moment and predicted it. It’s also insanely suspicious as after you are eliminated he sticks real close to Corpse, feigning innocence (and this is a controversial opinion you do not endorse) better than even you. It wounds your pride, having been picked off so casually, so quickly, and now stuck a ghost you roam the halls of the dying spaceship, lost, confused, heartbroken.

Charlie runs past you, not once even glancing in your direction. “Brother...” You mutter sadly, “Do you not see me here? Do you not feel... the loss of your twin’s heartbeat...?" Damn, these mimosas really are making you emotional. You sniffle and take a sip to calm the storm within you. No rage, just sadness. You are still processing your own tragic demise.

Suddenly, a meeting is called. There’s a horrible red X on your astronaut. You are the only one dead so far, and of course the rest won’t vote out the fucker. How bitterly you sit! With your arms crossed over your chest and your glare sharp enough to cut through glass. Fuck the sad shit, now you’re just angry. At the very least, the second Impostor could’ve given you some company!

“I knew something felt off.” Charlie is first to speak.

“Who the fuck killed Y/n?” Corpse questions, and his voice ignites a whole discussion that lasts much too short. The others skip, having no suspect yet. It’s much too soon to start pointing fingers, but you still feel like they should have at least tried. Pouting, you fix yourself another drink.

“Stop drinking!?” You gasp, exasperated at your chats demands, “I’m dead! What else should I do, the tasks?! Nah, fuck that. I’m done. I’m out. Charlie better employ his fucking detective skills because if the Impostors win, I will literally quit the game--yes I will, no I’m not bullshitting, fucking watch me.”

Thankfully, Bretman was caught venting, and you didn’t have to end the stream prematurely. The second Impostor, your roommate (oh, the betrayal, Rae, how could you?!) was voted out due to Corpse’s suspicion. Victory to the Crew Mates! The game restarts and you find yourself back in the lobby.

“Miss Y/n,” Bretman says, “I am sooo sorry for killing you first, baby. It was just too easy. I couldn’t pass it up.”

Giggling, Quackity chimes, “Sister slaughtered.”

“Oh my God,” James groans, “shut up!”

“Yeah, Y/n.” Charlie speaks, and there’s an accusatory note in his calm voice, “Why the fuck did you allow yourself to be eliminated first? Real noob shit, I expected more of you.”

“HUH?!” You frown, “What’s with the victim blaming?! I literally was doing my task and Bretman snuck up on me. It’s not like I had a weapon to defend myself!”

“You have been avenged,” Corpse states, “and that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you, Corpse!” You say, “At least someone cares.”

“Hey, I helped, too!” Dream pipes up.

“No, you didn’t.” Corpse shoots him down, “I was the only one.”

“You were not--”

“Literally was. Isn’t that right, Sykkuno?”

“Uhhhh-” Sykkuno trails off, “Well, we-we all helped!” You can hear his shy smile, and you just know he’s bobbing his head up and down at this exact moment, “We all helped. Team work!”

“Team work!” The rest echo, save for yourself, Corpse, Charlie, and the two Impostors. Silence speaks more than a thousand words or whatever. You pray to any higher power willing to listen to finally assign you the role of the villain, the one you were born to do. 

Sadly, higher powers must have either shitty customer service or are in need of hearing aids, and you almost scream in frustration when your astronaut appears along with the others, the bold CREW MATE title chipping away at your master plan.

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“Hey, Y/n, hey! Hey, Y/n!” Rae finds you in Cafeteria, where you, metaphorically, are eating your feelings. Not that she needs to know, of course. She sounds chipper, a bit ditsy, and that must mean she’s sufficiently tipsy. You store that information for later, and forget about it as soon as you notice Dream and Sykkuno, like her very own personal bodyguards, trailing after her, “Wanna play a game?!”

“Is this Saw?” You inquire, somewhat lazy. You’d be lying if you said the alcohol wasn’t affecting you, it’s just instead of making you bubbly, it makes you mellow. This was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to terrorize everyone and laugh as they perished by your hand, yet here you are, wallowing in self-pity. The roaches start worrying. The donation jingle chimes.

BEATINGS & SLUTATIONS yns_fishnets donated 5$ mom just wait it out & dont worry youll get your vengeance soon lead them on!!!!

Your fishnets have a point! 

“Saw?--No, no, haa, no it’s a drinking game.” Dream sounds like he has had one too many rounds of this mysterious game, and naturally, you are intrigued.

“Where we drink!” Sykkuno clarifies. Right, well that explains everything! If you had any questions, you surely have none now.

“Okay, so, name a category, and you have to, like, say a word associated with it...Or something along those lines.” You hadn’t even agreed and Rae is explaining the rules already. She knows you too well. It’s both a blessing and a curse, “Can be anything! Okay, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n start!”

“Uhh--” If only your brain computed as fast as she spoke! “Song lyrics! Wait--who drinks?”

“You fail, you drink!” She hurries, “Choke me like you hate me but you love meeeeee. Syk, go, go go!”

“Uhm, ah, I don’t wanna feel like this, uh, fuck?” He laughs--it’s a raspy, embarrassed little sound, “I don’t...wanna look like this? Dream, now you!”

“Wait, we’re singing Corpse’s songs?”

“Any song!” You urge him quickly, “Hurry! Or drink!”

“She say I kill her cat like I'm Luka Magnotta--”

“Hey! That’s cheating! You can’t use my song!” Rae protest.

“That wasn’t in the rules!” He counters.

“Y/n! Time’s running out!” Sykkuno exclaims.

“Oh, uh, will-will the real Slim Shady please stand up!”

NOT EMINEM WHAT THE FUCK

MOOOM WHT THE HELL THIS ISNT 2008 T_T

“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine--”

“All...All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better, uhh, run better run, faster...-faster than my gun?”

“Uhh, shit--fucking hell.” Dream laughs, and Rae practically screams at him to keep going, “Alright! Okay! I’m singing--uh, you’re so golden, na na na na?”

“I tell you what a woman loves most,” You chime gleefully, “it’s a man who can slap but can also stroke.”

finally, the mother mother representation we’ve all been waiting for

i aint exactly gay but i aint exactly not gay >:)

the bis won

“I steal a few breeeeaaaths from the woooorld for a minute--”

“Mitski?!” You question, eyes bulging, “Baby, who hurt you?”

Even if you can’t see her, you know she’s waving her arms around and shaking her head, “Not the point! Sykkuno!”

“Uh, I-I, uhm, I don’t--”

“Drinnnnk!” You all chorus. 

“It was a good concert,” You say, “Syk, I’ll drink with you.”

“Thank you, Y/n. That’s very kind of you.” He says softly, with a smile lining his lips. You grin.

“Oh, fine. Everyone, bottoms up!” Rae decides, and no one protest. A moment of silence passes, then, “Well, GG, GG, let’s do some tasks?”

Your enthusiastic Ariana Grande-esque “yuh” is cut short by the second meeting of game two being called. The first one to go had been Ash, voted out during a bathroom break as a joke, and you still feel a bit bad about that. Now, you notice Charlie has been eliminated. A sense of righteousness fills you--while you mourn for your brother from another mother and father and family tree, you feel like this is divine punishment for slandering you before the start of this round. Karma. Nothing much is discussed, and the meeting ends shortly with everyone skipping. 

You spend a good ten minutes wandering around with Dream, who’s mission appears to be convincing you to join his Minecraft server, and really, there was no need for him to try so hard. You failed to provide him with a concrete answer only because it would've been to humiliating to admit that you agreed instantly upon hearing the word Minecraft.

That’s when things get fucking weird. Another meeting is called whilst you’re in the middle of fixing lights, and once the board with the members appears you audibly gasp. There had been 8 living, breathing astronauts rushing around the map, and now only 4 remain. You, Corpse, James, and Alex. 

“What the fuck--what the fuck?!” You screech alarmed, noting Dream being among the perished crew, “I was just with Dream fixing the lights, I was just with him, what the fuck--”

“Okay, no one panic.” James says, “Let’s figure this out. Okay? Okay. Who else is close to Electrical?”

“I’m at Nav.” Quackity says.

“I’m at Cafeteria, but Y/n--” Corpse starts, “kinda weird that Dream died when you were with him?”

“I didn’t fucking kill him, I swear to God, Corpse, why are you accusing me?”

“Don’t be so defensive.” He says smoothly, “I’m just pointing out the obvious. We all have a reason to be sus, no? Considering you were right with him.”

“...It is suspicious.” James agrees, and a part of you dies inside. You understand their hesitance to trust you, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating!

“Guys, I didn’t kill him, I swear. He invited me to play Minecraft, I wouldn’t do that to him, not after that!”

Corpse merely hums, and it brings no comfort what’s so ever. The situation is spiraling, and not in your favor. Trying to salvage your chances at freedom, you try again, “Wh-James, James, you called the meeting, right?”

“Yeah, I found Rae’s body near Medical.”

“So I couldn’t have killed her and Dream at the same time!” You latch onto that piece of information, hoping it will save you.

“You could’ve vented.” Corpse points out, “Plus, there’s no telling how old the body is.”

“Killing five fucking people? It’s the work of one person, or else the game would have already ended. As it stands, I am no way sober enough to think all of this out.”

A brief silence hangs in the air; your lungs constrict from tension, from spilling words so hotly. You grasp your glass, as if for emphasis, and take a shy sip. It taste sweet, a bit too sweet for your liking. Must be your nerves. You drink again to wash the taste out of your mouth, which, surprisingly, doesn’t work. You whine a little, stomping your feet like a child about to throw a temper tantrum.

“...I believe her.” Quackity says. You breathe out a sigh of relief.

“Alex, thank youuuuuu!” You gush, batting your lashes as if he could somehow see you and that would somehow portray your innocence, “I knew I liked you for a reason!”

He mutes his mic, his spill of words lost to your ears, but chat helpfully informs that he’s screaming because you don’t hate him. 

y/n out here collecting men like pokemon cards

Now all that’s left is to convince the others. You start with the one you know will work, “Corpse,” You address him in your sweetest voice.

“Y/n,” James warns, “don’t you dare--”

“Baby, I didn’t kill anyone, I’m crew mate, you gotta believe me.”

“She's innocent.” Corpse declare, thoroughly convinced.

“Oh my fucking God, you fucking simp!” James laughs, “She’s obviously manipulating you!”

“No, no, she isn’t. She’s innocent, I agree with Quackity. Now, it’s either you or him.”

“Could be you for all we know!” Alex accuses.

“Guys, time’s running out.” You mutter fretfully, noting the seconds tick by from white to red. 

“I’m voting Alex.” Corpse says.

“What?! Fucking traitor! Fine, I’m voting for you.” Alex hisses.

“Ugh, hate agreeing with Quackity, but I’m also voting Corpse. Sorry, hon, nothing personal.” James says. The VOTED icons pop up beside their characters and you panic, pressing your mouse idly but it’s too late, there wasn’t enough time, and you cry as Corpse is thrown into lava. The chat spams F, and it feels like salt on a fresh wound.

In a second you’re back in Cafeteria, shell-shocked and trembling, and Quackity cusses because the Impostor is still among you. His frustration doesn’t last long as you watch in horror as Jams Chortles, beauty guru supreme, murders the only other crew mate in cold blood and all you can do is gape and let his cheerful laughter fill your ears. The screen bleeds red, informing of Impostor victory, the second one being Ash. Looks like you voted her off for the right reason, but little difference did it make.

“Corpse!” You yell past the cacophony of voices, all in varying forms of excitement or anger, beelining for his in-game figure, “Corpse, I’m so sorry, I panicked, I tried pressing the button but I wasn’t quick enough--”

“It’s alright, baby. Don’t worry about it.” He’s so calming, so gentle, you might burst into tears again. What did you do to deserve him? You wish he was with you so you could smother him in a hug. Alas, all you can do now is say “I kith you, mwah!” and rush to the other side of the lobby, as if to hide from such a bold display of affection, even if it was a joke (it wasn’t).

yall say corpse simps for y/n but the reality is y/n simps for corpse harder

queen stop its embarrassing

bhaddies can simp!! i wouldnt but its her choice <3

More deliberations, commentary, and short breaks. Once everyone has returned, the countdown starts. You’re still reeling from the chaos of emotions, the five stages of grief you experienced in 1 second upon Corpse’s unjust demise, that it takes you a moment, a single heartbeat to realize what you’re seeing on screen.

The letters IMPOSTOR hang above your astronaut, with Dream standing just behind you as your newly appointed partner in crime. And suddenly, all the sadness and the tenderness and sympathy vanish with a curt exhale. You slowly turn your head to the chat, muting the Discord call, your soft chuckle of disbelief turning into a full blown laugh.

it’s happening!!!! 

omg omg omg omg

VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC

You slap your palm over your lips, trying to contain your wicked smile, to tone down your broken giggles, “N-No, I can’t laugh yet,” shaking your head softly, you look into the camera, “they’re all going to die.”

pack it up light yagami

this has awoken something in me.

^ same

The crew mates go their own ways, rushing to do their tasks like the diligent little workers they are. How adorable. Their grim fate is still miles away from them. The shit you’ll pull will be for the history books. Much like your outfit, which you picked keeping in mind your newfound thirst for blood, you had devised your plan of action with care and consideration. You had been mulling it over all day, drawing on paper like the absolute madwoman you are; hell, you even made sticky notes on who to go for first and what to say. Sure, being moderately drunk hinders your memory slightly (an understatement of the century), but you got a feel for what you’re going to do. It’s nothing short of evil.

Dream and you don’t exchange words, you merely nod at him-- which he, of course, can’t see-- but your criminal bond enables telepathic communication. You can hear his thoughts, ones that strangely sound like drink drink, drink drink. And really, who are you to refuse such an enticing offer?! As he fucks off to stalk his victims, or play pretend, you take a sip. The cocktail is still sweet, but this time it’s not the icky sweet you had tasted prior. You glance at your sticky notes, ones the roaches can’t see, and nearly spill your drink for the second time today as you jerk.

“Fuck!” You exclaim, shoving your headphones off and spinning in your chair. You hastily stand up, wobble -- the world is pleasantly funny right about now -- and giggle. Stepping past the mountains of abandoned clothes and pillows and blankets and anime plushies, you maneuver your way to your bedside table and yank it open, nearly taking out the whole drawer with you. In the mess of old diaries and bad drawings, pencils, jewelry, and stickers, you fish out something you should not be wielding in your inebriated state.

It’s a knife.

In midst of teenage angst you had ordered it off of Amazon with your mom’s credit card, all the while whining that it’s not a phase, mom, and it’s what all of my cool kid friends with fried hair have, and don’t you want me to fit in, don’t you want your daughter to be happy?! You think it’s about that time, the time of too much uneven eyeliner and black eye shadow, that she took to calling you little raccoon. Trash rabbit was your personal favorite, but she used it sparingly. When you presented your Macy’s outfit, holding up a fucking butterfly knife, to your dad, asking if it was a look, he glanced up from some boring business magazine all boring business dads read and said, with a bright smile might you add, “It’s a something!”.

Oh, how it gleams in the lilac light. You used to do tricks with it, back in eight grade maybe, and--what the fuck? Why did you parents allow you to buy it in the first place? Well, because you’re the only child, the only one important, of course they got it for you and clapped enthusiastically at your performances, because why wouldn’t they? The whining they’d face otherwise would’ve been harder to endure than a whole dance number to Panic! At The Disco’s greatest hits. Broadway looked so fucking shabby in comparison. Your mom said so, so it must be true.

Stumbling back to your extremely confused viewers, you take your seat, feeling a bit more grounded now that you’re not standing on your platform shoes anymore. Putting on your headphones, you grin at the chat that starts swimming, and not from too much drinking either. You do a quick flick of your wrist, one that thankfully doesn’t end in injury, and the sharp tip of the exposed knife points upwards, glimmering. It’s a rainbow colored one, because one, it’s pretty, and two, you weren’t hardcore enough for the jet-black or straight up military ones the other emo kids had. Cute and dangerous, just like you.

So you just sit there, holding it up, looking somewhat sly as the roaches capture this momentous moment with screen-caps. Someone definitely clipped you trudging past the obstacle course to obtain a weapon of mass destruction. You must be already trending on Twitter, though you can’t exactly log on and confirm your suspicions. You just feel like you might be, like you should be, because your audience wouldn’t let this slide. Thankfully, your friends don’t have time to check social media, or you’d be outed in an instant.

“Y/n?” Your roommates voice booms from your headphones, and you perk up with a stupid realization that you completely forgot about Among Us. Stuck at the start, at the lobby where Dream had left you, you see her astronaut waddling to you, “What are you doing here? Wait--Have you not moved from the beginning?” She can barely finish the sentence without giggling. 

You grin, “I was looking for something.”

Your voice is soft, too calm for your usual frantic spill. You gently set the knife down, hand coming to rest on your mouse, fingers idly, slowly, bouncing on the buttons.

“...What were you looking for?” She’s none the wiser, the numerous drinks consumed tonight numbing her sharp mind. She would have noticed. Your eerie composure would’ve given it away in a heartbeat, or at least hinted at something being objectively wrong. But she sounds curious. Poor girl, hasn’t she heard? Curiosity killed the cat.

“A knife.”

“A knife?!” There’s something about her tone that implies a mental clicking, the puzzle pieces falling together, “You have a knife?!”

“Yes.”

“No!”

You think it would only be appropriate that the random sequence of killing animations renders the backstabbing one. You grin, biting your lower lip with a quiet snicker.

i love women

if evil bad...why seggy?

You take your time leaving her there -- in true serial-killer-to-be fashion, you stick around for a bit longer, admiring your handiwork, or more like the chat singing your praises. You joined today with the intent of making an interesting stream. You have no doubt in your mind that now it will be legendary.

You move down the hallway, and you let your imagination wander: you can almost feel the stuffy air of your helmet, can almost hear your loud footsteps echoing in all this hush, can almost see your reflection in the spotless tile floor. It’s not long before your second victim makes an appearance, running circles in Cafeteria. You hear his voice first before you see him, recognizing Alex by his unhinged screech of “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s goooo!” 

“And what’s got you so excited?” How cool and collected you are, gosh, you barely contain the quiver of excitement that threatens to slip out. 

“Y/n!” He exclaims, rushing to your side like a lost puppy--he’s really making this easy for you, he’s not even trying, “You just missed--Oh my fucking God, you just missed James, he-he called me tall, he called me fucking tall! Let’s go, let’s gooooo!”

“Well, you are tall, aren’t you?” You chime sweetly, almost as sweet as the drink that lingers on the tip of your tongue, “Real 6′3 energy, no?”

“Yes, yes, exactly! You get it, you fucking get it--” Once again, his mic goes mute, and you glance at the chat for help.

hard to transcribe what hes saying but hes taking shots and yelling that he loves you good job mom

hey, queen! girl, you have done it again, constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly

mom plz dont kill alex hes too cute hes all uwu rn

Oh, how you’re about to break his poor little heart. If you had any good left in you, you’d spare him. You don’t, and you’re not taking requests at the moment, so all you do is smile at your chat and they know. They just do. Hive-mind shit, you’re all two-faced little fuckers.

You giggle, and it sounds a tad fake, “You’re so weird, Alex,” You start, and he’s back in the call, a sound of confusion echoing in your ears, “but I get it, you know. You’re weird. You’re a weirdo. You don’t fit it, and you don’t want to fit in. I mean, really, has anyone even seen you without your stupid hat?”

“...Do--” He sputters, bellowing a laugh, “Do you have that whole fucking monologue memorized?!”

“Is it because you’re bald?”

“I’m not fucking bald!” His giddiness is quickly replaced by anger.

You hum, pretend to think, lastly barking a “Liar.” before you kill him. His scream is cut off, leaving only deafening silence at it’s wake. Unlike with Rae, you don’t stick around. You didn’t appreciate how little he enjoyed your recital.

You run into James near Navigation, most likely on his way to Cafeteria. He ends his song mid-note, and you breathe a sigh of relief, “Finally! Someone! I’ve been looking all over, where the hell is everyone?” You question, blocking his way, lest he accidentally stumbles onto the crime scene and easily pins it on you. You’re not done yet.

“Honestly? No clue. I’m searching for them myself, like, everyone’s scattered. I hope no one died.”

You smile. You tried not to, but you can’t contain it, “Me, too.” You echo the sentiment, urging him to join you, and he does. Too trusting. Everyone in this game is too fucking trusting. You lead him back to Nav, feigning that you have a task here. As you pretend to move the spaceship, you can’t help but ask, “Hey, James?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

A beat of silence passes, “Oh no, fuck that, I don’t like this at all.” He states, about to spin on his heel and bolt like he should do, but you’re quicker-- killer instincts and all-- and he’s dead before he makes it out the doorway.

“See, after your No More Lies video, I figured you’d only tell the truth.” Yes, this is the part of the anime where the villain monologues, only the hero in this case is an astronaut cut in half, and not exactly alive to listen to you. You hope James’ ghost sticks around, “Case in point, why the fuck did you tell Quackity he’s tall?” You eye the chat, which’s mostly spamming W and comparing you to Ryo from Devilman Crybaby. “Such a shame...” You murmur, pressing the REPORT button.

“What?! How are so many people dead?!” Ash gasps, her kind voice tinted with fear and confusion. Your three kills, like military stars on an uniform of a distinguished officer, are displayed on the board. Dream appears to be slacking, having yet to take a life.

“Someone’s been real fucking busy.” Charlie observes. It’s true, you have been.

“I found James in Nav, but holy shit--” You begin, exasperated, “--what the fuck, guys, how did we miss this shit? Where is everyone?”

“I’m at Electrical.” Corpse voices.

“And I’m with Corpse.” One sentence is all it takes to figure out your next target: Bretman. Revenge for being killed first in the first goddamn round, and for spending so much time with your boyfriend.

Eep!!! Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend!!! The word even makes you forget your thirst for blood, that’s how whipped you are. Sadly, it’s time to return to reality, to this grave situation.

“And what have the two of you been conspiring?” You keep your tone level, but that alone is enough to set everyone off. The unease you had planted within them before the game started is starting to bloom. However, if they suspect you, they don’t speak up, not yet.

“Fishnets, mostly.” Corpse says.

only partly a lie he was mostly talking abt u queen <3

corpse simping for y/n is the sweetest thing ever

the times corpse used y/ns name when talking abt y/n: 1. the times he used baby or my baby: infinite

“I’m wearing them right nyoooow.” Bretman drawls.

You hum, “What a coincidence. I am, too.”

“Wait--For real?” That seems to catch Corpse’s attention, because of course it does, you picked them with him in mind, after all.

“No peeping.” You tsk, obviously referring to his tendency to hop onto your stream unprompted. Whether he actually listens to your demands is beyond you, “Peeping means cheating.”

“For the love of fuck all, can we get back to the three dead bodies, please? Because I’m about to have a second coming of Christ moment and taste my consumed, digested beer for the second time.” Charlie interjects.

“I mean, anyone have any ideas who’d do this?” Dream takes hold of the conversation. Quiet, disappointed nos greet him. They have nothing to go on, no clues, not even a subliminal message. With everyone scattered, there is no way of locating the actual bodies and drawing a long red trail leading back to you. 

You’re too good at lying, and Dream is too good of a publicist. People tend to trust his judgement, which is his main asset (besides his calm demeanor of course). When the Among Us gods chose you as Impostor, they made sure you had every advantage. 

“Who-Who do you think it is, Dream?” Ash questions, “I trust you. I do. Just know that.”

“No fucking clue.”

“Y/n?” She tries again.

“Same. I’m a bit worried, though.”

“Let’s, uhhh, let’s skip?” Sykkuno offers. The consensus is to start voting at six. Your new mission is to make sure you dwindle the numbers down drastically before that can happen. You have no qualms about sacrificing Dream in order to meet your goals, either. Absolutely cold blooded.

Back at Cafeteria, there are words exchanged about Quackity’s body just laying there, forgotten. Blame is shifted: how come we didn’t notice sooner? Where’s Rae? And you mindlessly go along with their mourning, not really paying attention. Dream leaves with Charlie and Sykkuno, Corpse requests you stay with him and you sprout fake apologies. Not his time yet. Us girls need to stick together!, you sing, following after Ashley and getting further and further away from him, going deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of the spaceship.

You find yourself in Security with her, her cute astronaut pressed to the cameras, watching the live feed, “Let’s lurk here, okay? Maybe we’ll see something.” If only she saw who was standing behind her. 

“Who do you think is the Impostor?” You ask, standing in the doorway, “Or, more like, who are the Impostors?”

“Honestly?” She ends her word with a little sigh, “I think it might be Corpse and Bretman. I haven’t seen them at all this game.”

You smile, raising your brows, tilting your heard, and you sound so kind, like a dear old friend about to deliver a tender message, “...Have you seen me?”

“SHIT!”

Too late. In one smooth motion she joins the afterlife. You cut the lights, venting mindlessly till you spot Corpse and Bretman panicking in Weapons. Your existence is still a mystery to them.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck--” Corpse mumbles, “Bretman, don’t you dare fucking kill me right now.”

“I’m not Impostor!”

“Okay, I’ll drink to that.”

They rush out of Weapons, most likely on their way to Electrical, and you trail after them like the Grim Reaper itself, biding your time till you can deliver the killing blow.

“Corpse?!” You call out, mild panic ringing in your voice, “Is that you?”

“Shit, Y/n? Where are you?” He questions. Crew vision is so sad, so small, how can he not see you standing almost right next to him? “Where’s Ash?”

“I dunno,” You say, “when the lights went out I ran. Please don’t kill me.”

“I’d never do that, baby.”

Too easy. They’re all too fucking easy. You bite your lower lip, trying to stop the laugh bubbling in your chest, to stop the lightheaded dizziness that overcomes you with a rush of excitement. 

“Thanks, pretty boy.” You mutter, and it sounds a bit lower than you intended, a bit darker, something sinister lurking underneath cotton candy words. It instantly clicks in Bretman and he makes a noise, something like a whine, and you see him backing away, “I know I can always trust you.” 

Whether Corpse notices the odd shift in tone, he doesn’t show it, “I like it when you call me that.” Is all he says, and you hear the smile in his voice, the appreciation. The trek to Electrical is all but forgotten. You slowly make your way to Bretman, “Where are you? Come here.”

“Just a minute,” You say cheerily, “I just need to kill Bret first.”

“Holy shit.”

“N-” Your victim’s sentence is cut off in a second, and you can’t contain your manic cackle this time, because the screen bleeds red, the words VICTORY splattered on it, depicting yours and Dream’s sneaky astronauts. You’re still laughing as the voices of your fallen friends ring in your ears.

“Y/n, what the fuck, you’re an actual monster.” Dream says, but there’s no actual weight behind his words, each syllable punctured with a laugh.

“I knew the second she asked me about my favorite scary movie that I’d get the chop.” James states.

“Wait, Y/n, did you kill everyone?” Corpse questions.

“She fucking did!” Dream answers for you, “I got Charlie and Sykkuno, and barely at that. What the fuck.”

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for this.” You admit, giggling, raising you glass, “I toast to you, Dream. My perfect partner in crime.”

“I didn’t really do shit, but cheers.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh, “Y/n, Y/n, you don’t actually think I’m weird, right? Right?”

“No, she does.” James chimes.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, DUDE?!”

More commotion, more noise, and you just sit there, buzzed, snickering, reading the chat as the rest agree to play another round. You thank the people who donated that you had accidentally missed among the, you know, murder, reply to a few questions, bow dramatically to the many praises and invisible flowers you receive for such beautiful assassin work. When you look back at the screen, you throw your head back with a maniacal laugh.

Impostor again, only this time it’s with Charlie. Family bonds are often restored when united under a common goal. You’re so happy. So happy. You weren’t done terrorizing your friends yet.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos​ - @fairywriter-oracle​ - @tsukishimawh0re​ - @ofstarsanddreams​ - @bbecc-a​ - @annshit​ - @leahh19​ - @letsloveimagines​ - @bellomi-clarke​ - @wineandionysus​ - @guiltydols​ - @onephootinfrontoftheother​ - @liamakorn​ - @thirstyfangirl​ - @lilysdaydreams​ - @pan-ini​ - @mxqicshxp​ - @tanchosanke​ - @yoshinorecommends​ - @flightsandfantasy​ - @liljennyx3​ - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible​ - @sinister-sleep​ - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat​ - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit​ - @unstableye​ - @simonsbluee​ - @shinyshimaagain​ - @ppopty​ - @siriuslystupid​ - @crapimahuman​ - @ofthedewthesunlight​ - @mythicalamphitrite​ - @artsyally​ - @corpsesimpp​ - @corpsewhitetee​ - @corpse-husbandsimp​ - @hyp-oh-critical​ - @roses-and-grasses​ - @rhyrhy462​ - @sparklylandflaplawyer​ - @charbkgo​ - @airwaveee​ - @creativedogs​ - @kaitlyn2907​ - @loxbbg​ - @afuckingunicornn​ - @fleurmoon​ - @yeolliedokai​

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

[rae-arts777]

Stop

Notes: I’ll say it till the day I die, Laurent is anime bojack, (I know someone else said it I just forgot who, I’m sorry)

Summary: Laurent knows he needs to stop, but he won’t, Makoto painfully opens his eyes. Post case 4

~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was celebrating, Laurent was smiling. It was worth it, Dorothy was avenged. He smiled over at Oz and Shi Won, they had done it, they had made those bastards pay.

Laurent saw Makoto standing alone. He shook his head chuckling and grabbed another drink heading towards him.

“Come on, aren’t you going to join in?” Laurent handed him the glass of champagne.

There was a loud crash

Makoto had full on smack the glass out of Laurent’s hand.

“Get away from me.” That look, the same look Makoto gave him during his “outburst”.

Laurent was a bit taken back. He opened his mouth to make a joke, but Makoto’s stare turned harsher. He slowly closed his mouth feeling the eyes of the rest of team confidence fall on them.

“Ah I see” Laurent smiled “well I’m sorry, but you have to admit, you put on an amazing performance, without you-“

“I meant ever word.” Makoto growled “ever single word. TAKE A HINT!! Do you know, how much you’ve messed me up?!”

“I think you might be exaggerating Edamame” Laurent nervously chuckled.

Deep down Laurent knew, he knew everything he did to Edamame was wrong. He knew he didn’t deserve a chance with him. He knew, but he ignored it. No no, edamame is the one who’s taking it too far, Laurent did everything in the name of love. That makes it ok, right?

“IM EXAGGERATING?!” Makoto’s scream snapped him out of his trance.

There was a loud slap, followed by a crash. Laurent had dropped his glass, Makoto had slapped him. It stung, he felt the heat, from both Makoto’s hand, and the fire stare on him.

“Let’s be clear Laurent! You gaslighted me the moment we fucking meet! First in Los Angelos! Forcing me to join the con, making me think I got you and Abby killed, AND then after it saying I was over reacting for my emotions after your death!!! Second when I told you I wanted to live a clean life what did you do?! Manipulated me into thinking I was and then dragged me back after I told you I didn’t want to do it!!! You know how hard it is for me to walk around without thinking, do those people work for Laurent?! Third! This revenge plan. I didn’t know Dorothy, so why am I getting dragged into this?! You retramautized me, I learned that some woman I didn’t know was more important to my dad then I was! I learn my mom knew everything and didn’t tell me! I’ve been locked out since day one cause of you! My whole life! Is fucked cause of you!”

Makoto was shaking, tears were pouring out his face.

Everyone was watching the two now. Oz looked down ashamed. Cythina looked at Laurent in disappointment. Abby’s stone persona dropped, she was glaring daggers at Laurent, waiting to kill if Makoto asked her too.

Laurent felt cold sweat form on his face.

“Edamame...I know, it’s not fair, but you have to understand, my life-“

“Don’t even use that excuse!!! No! Everything you did to me was not cause of your mom getting scammed and dying! It’s not about Dorothy dying and you avenging her! This is not the conversation! The conversation is you gaslighting me and dragging me into this after I said no a million of times! The conversation is you knowingly doing things to me that you KNOW fuck me up more cause of the “plan”. Don’t you dare use your mom or Dorothy as an excuse for your actions! ITS YOU! It’s fucking you.”

Everyone was silent. All you could hear was the waves of the ocean.

Laurent stood there, filling shame rise in him. Makoto was right. He was right about it all.

“But Makoto.” Laurent never called him by that, a weak smile formed “I understand your anger..but you don’t really think I’m that bad of a person.”

Makoto scoffed and looked away.

“No seriously..” Laurent‘s confidence was crumbling “wait Makoto seriously! Look! I know! I know I can be self destructive and self centered! I know I can selfish! And a narc! I know, I know I’m flawed deeply. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. But underneath it all. I’m a good person! And you believe that right? I did everything for love! Not just Dorothy but for you as well. I’m ready to let her go, and I’m ready to be with you.”

Makoto started to back away at his words

“Makoto please, I’m a good person, deep down I am, and you know it, you see the good in everyone, please tell me I’m good!”

Makoto stay silent.

“Makoto...please. Tell me I’m good.”

“Stop. Seriously. Just stop.”

Makoto turned his back on Laurent and walked away.

Laurent legs went weak, he fell to the ground. He felt crushed. He felt the same way on the day he went home to realize Dorothy was really gone.

“Please...” Laurent mumbled, tears falling “tell me I’m good Makoto...”

He wasn’t good. And he knew it was going to be a long journey to fix and mend the relationship he had destroyed.

Yes I did use some dialogue from Bojack

[namjoon-koya]

Can I request Bakugou x reader where he's been his by a love quirk but it only works to emphasize his feelings on his crush and he's not sappy lovesick but he definitely turned shoujo manga flirtacious player like on them and everyone's just watching it all happen as reader.exe stopped working. A guy liking them? Since when? Also happens to be their crush? Suddenly acting like a bishounen? They must be dreaming

A/N: I gotta love those spicy Shoujo flirtatious player, but sorry if this came out really bad I tried:,)

Falling in love with you

When Kirishima saw Bakugo got hit by the villain’s quirk he freaked out, he was expecting something bad to appear but.. nothing happened the purple like fog cleared “B-Bakugo! Are you okay dude?” He asked. “I’m fucking fine.” Bakugo said coughing “shit it smells like some shitty flowers.” Bakugo complained. “Are you sure you’re fine Bakugo?” Kirishima asked one more time “didn’t you hear? I’m fine.” The villain had disappeared after that making Bakugo’s mood even worse.

The next day you came into class you saw Bakugo snap his attention on you, but you didn’t think much of it. You gave him a smile continuing to walk to your desk, during the entire lesson Bakugo had his eyes on you. He didn’t know why he was thinking so much about you yes at times he thought about you but not constantly like this.. once class was over Bakugo watched you walk out.

He didn’t know why, but he had this urge to just have you in his arms.. Bakugo was lost in thought that he didn’t even hear Kirishima calling out to him “BAKUGO!” Kaminari shouts “h-huh what?” Bakugo says finally snapping out of his thought “dude are you sure you’re okay? You seem.. off somehow..” Kirishima said “huh off how?” Bakugo asked a bit annoyed.

“I don’t know, you just seem to ogle Y/N more..” “SHUT THE FUCK UP IM NOT!” Kirishima and Kaminari just chuckled at Bakugo’s outburst. They knew he had a crush on you since the school sports festival, so they didn’t think much of it at first “Well c’mon! I’m starving and class is over!” Kaminari complained as he made his way out the classroom Bakugo mumbled angrily as him and Kirishima followed him out.

In the evening everyone in class 1-A was gathered out in the lounge as YaoYorozu was making everyone a special tea that her mom gave her. Bakugo was with Kirishima half of the time Kirishima was talking to Bakugo, but Bakugo wasn’t paying attention to a single word he was saying his eye would linger on you for a while before looking away.

“Bakugo are you even paying attention to a word I’m saying?” Kirishima asked him “huh? Of course I am idiot!” Kirishima raised his brow at him “oh really? What was I just talking about now?” Bakugo irked at his question “I don’t fucking know.. about your quirk?” Kirishima pouted “no! Something is definitely up with you Bakugo.”

“Nothing is wrong with m-“

“L/N and Todoroki sure seem close.” Kaminari interrupts Bakugo’s outburst. Bakugo quickly snaps his eyes over to you and sees Todoroki and you talking, he felt his anger slowly bubbling up. When he saw you giggle at Todoroki’s “shitty” joke, Bakugo gets up in anger making the couch slightly move back “whoa! Bakugo chill.” Kirishima says, but Bakugo ignored him.

Bakugo stomped his way over to you everyone who saw Bakugo’s mood quickly got out of his way not wanting to fall into a victim of his if they didn’t. You noticed Todoroki’s eyes leave yours as he was staring up at something you follow his gaze and see Bakugo crimson eyes looking down at you “Bakugo! What’s up?” He didn’t say anything, he only grabbed your wrist and pulled you up making you crash into his chest.

“B-Bakugo?!” You yelp as your face turns to a dark red color, you didn’t expect him to do this in front of everyone since he always had that “no emotions.” persona. Everyone was staring too wondering what made Bakugo do something like that “What? Half n’ half bastard here doesn’t understand that I don’t like it when my crush laughs at another boy’s joke.” He said with a low growl in his voice.

“C-C-CRUSH?!” There’s no way Bakugo never showed signs of liking you, you only hoped that he did; but now since he was confessing that he did indeed like you it made you utterly confused. “Are you sure you like L/N? Or Are you sure this isn’t some kind of competition for you?” Todoroki asked bluntly.

Bakugo gritted his teeth in anger who the hell does he think he is?! “Oh does this answer your fucking question?” Without warning Bakugo pulls you in for a kiss, everyone around you shouts and screams “Yeah I knew you had it in you Bakugo!” Kirishima shouts to him happily “K-K-KACCHAN?!” Midoriya screams.

Iida was shouting how “inappropriate.” the kiss was, but you couldn’t care you wanted this all along to be in his arms. Bakugo finally pulls away leaving you breathless Bakugo smirks over to Todoroki who’s only giving him a blank look. You couldn’t even make up any words to say to Bakugo you couldn’t believe he actually did that.. he still had his arm around your waist not letting you go “L/N.” Bakugo said tilting your chin up you wanted to squeal so bad why does this feel like a high school romance anime?!

“You’re so beautiful when you look at me like that.. I only want you to look at me like that.”

“B-Bakugo?! U-Uhm..” c’mon Y/N! You’re the person to always have snappy comments! Do something! Your mind shouts at you, but words don’t form you weren’t use to seeing Bakugo like this especially him showing any kind of PDA in front of the class..

“What’s wrong Y/N? Don’t you like it when I hold you like this?” Bakugo asked with a smirk “d-did Kacchan really call L/N by her first name? I didn’t know they were THAT close..” Kaminari whispered to Kirishima.

That’s when Kirishima realized why Bakugo was doing this, all day he was doing fine and acting his normal self even though he got hit by that weird quirk by that villain, but when he saw you he changed. That’s when Kirishima realized that it must’ve been the quirk of the villain’s that’s making Bakugo flirt with you this way, especially in front of everyone..

Kirishima pinched the bridge of his nose “now I know why Bakugo is acting this way..” Kaminari looked over at him waiting for him to continue “Bakugo got hit by a villain’s quirk yesterday maybe their quirk was to do THIS.. God he won’t believe me when I tell him what he did to L/N.” Suddenly he heard a click.

He saw Kaminari take a picture of Bakugo and you, Kaminari chuckled showing Kirishima the picture on his phone “oh he will trust me..” It took Kirishima, Todoroki and Midoriya to pull Bakugo away from you since he insisted on you sleeping his room. The next day Bakugo woke up with a headache, he didn’t remember anything from last night.. which was weird since he knew he didn’t do anything he wasn’t suppose to do.

He picked up his phone and saw that Kaminari had texted him, when he swiped to open the text Bakugo nearly blew up his phone. It was a picture of him holding you around your waist.. he didn’t remember this! “Bakugo?” He heard Kirishima’s voice from his door, he quickly opened it and pulled Kirishima in “tell me this is a fucking joke!” Bakugo shouts shoving his phone into Kirishima’s face.

Kirishima sighed “I-it’s true.. remember the villain’s quirk that you got hit by? I asked Midoriya about it and he told me the villain’s quirk would make someone act differently in front of someone they loved...?” Kirishima waited for Bakugo’s outburst, but it didn’t come. Bakugo slowly went back to his bed and threw his cover over him “God I’m so fucking embarrassing.. what else did I do?”

Kirishima chuckled nervously “o-oh.. you might’ve kissed L/N.. and tried dragging her to your room?..”

Silence.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

[ofmargos]

chicago’s very own margo rosas has been spotted on madison avenue , with a striking semblance to camila mendes ! you may know them as @margo or hitting the front page of tmz as margo rosas is making her comeback on broadway ! according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re overdramatic , but being passionate might help you . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the sound of stilettos hitting the pavement , the thunderous sound of applause , and having the poise of a well-mannered lady but the mouth of a sailor . ( cis female + she / her )

omg hey y’all it’s ya girl lia back at it again with the broadway b*tch herself , margo ! fun fact : i’ve been writing for margo off n on for THREE years ?? that’s wild . no matter what i do i cannot get rid of this muse akjsdnk but i love her and i hope y’all do too ! under the cut is far too much info on her ( i’m sorry it’s long !! ) pls go ahead and give this post a like if you give me consent to come bug you in the im’s / discord ! <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 ｡.｡:+*

–;; 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞: Margaret Lucia Rosas – ;; 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬): Margo ( preferred name ), Mars, Mar, Pain in the Ass, Drama Queen – ;; 𝐀𝐠𝐞: Twenty-Three – ;; 𝐃.𝐎.𝐁: 31 October 1997 – ;; 𝐙𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜: Scorpio sun, scorpio moon,  leo asc ( yikes ) – ;; 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: Cis Female – ;; 𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Bisexual Biromantic – ;; 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 5ft 2 – ;; 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞: Chicago, IL – ;; 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: Luxurious apartment in Manhattan – ;; 𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Singer / Songwriter + Broadway Performer ( Julia Michaels VC ) – ;; 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬: Passionate, creative, dramatic, distrusting, outgoing, ambitious, fun-loving, loyal, daring, sarcastic, stubborn, overconfident, impulsive, hard-working, petty, secretive, short-tempered, vindictive

*+:｡.｡ 𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 ｡.｡:+*

*TW: undiagnosed illness, death

grew up as an only child in chicago, illinois. her family was definitely in the middle class but her parents both worked hard to provide their pride and joy with everything she could’ve wanted out of life

and it became apparent early on that what margo wanted was to perform. she was always singing around the house, putting on one-woman shows for her parents, and following along to the choreography of her favorite DCOM on tv. and in order to keep her satisfied, and also out of the house while they were both working, her parents threw her into an abundance of performing arts classes: ballet, tap, and jazz classes + singing lessons + acting workshops-- you name it. it was a very expensive hobby but her parents were willing to put in the extra work hours to fund her passions

she honestly grew up blissfully unaware of the sacrifices her parents were making on her behalf. they just never made her feel like she was inconveniencing them in any way. if she wanted to spend her day turn acting, singing, and dancing then so be it. they supported her emotionally and financially 100%

*ILLNESS TW* but the rose-tinted glasses were ripped from her eyes around the age of fourteen / fifteen. her mom had always had a weak immune system-- the first one to catch a cold or the flu, knocking her on her ass and leaving her bedridden for days at a time. it only got worse as years went on and she avoided doctor appointments out of fear of being charged unnecessary costly fees. she downplayed her compromising situation for as long as she could until she physically couldn’t carry on any more and had to stop going to work

margo and her father urged the stubborn woman to seek medical attention for any sort of relief for months until she finally conceded. soon it became the new norm for her mother to be in and out of hospitals, getting tests done, trying various medications. but nothing helped in the long-term and they were unable to come to a strict diagnosis *ILLNESS TW END*

and she had been right, it was terribly expensive. their funds were short considering the family was down to one income. so margo took on more responsibilities by working part-time jobs as well as going to school. she was sixteen and teaching dance lessons at her childhood studio in exchange for a small amount of pay + free lessons as well as working at a local movie theatre 6 days a week. she cut back on extracurricular lessons to save some money, instead pouring all her creative energy into only school related clubs such as choir, theatre, and so on

honestly, if you knew margo in high school you’d likely not even know about her familial situation. she liked to keep her cards close to her chest and portrayed herself as this larger than life character that no one would believe had experienced any hardships. she distracted from her own worries by playing the role of ‘queen bee’ or more accurately rachael berry from glee ( a cursed character at this point but it’s true unfortunately )

margo had big dreams of making it to broadway one day and had planned to get there by going to college in new york and make a name for herself. but with her mother’s healthy declining the closer margo got to graduation, the more put off she was by the idea of moving away from home. she was willing to put all plans for her future on hold and take care of her mother but her parents wouldn’t let her. being as encouraging as ever, they convinced her that she needed to follow her dreams. she had already given up a majority of her teenage years to help them out when they needed it most. they wouldn’t let her miss out on anything else

so with a heavy heart but on a good scholarship, she left for columbia university without any idea of what to expect. new york was a whole new world for her and she was thrown off by how talented, beautiful, and wealthy her peers were. she had felt like a big fish in a really small pond during her high school days. but for once she was a tiny fish in the big wide ocean

her larger than life persona came back into play-- masking her worries and insecurities with a version of herself that was so confident that she even began to fool herself. she got a bit lost in the fantasy. her true self-slipping away. she almost had this alter ego ??? ( come thru hannah montana moment okay ) wannabe starlet rubbing elbows with the future CEOs and celebrities of the world by day and local pizza parlor waitress by the night, working to make a decent living while also sending money back home when she could

she also had to maintain good grades to keep her scholarship and participate in performances that her department put on in order to rise in the ranks

honestly the only time she got a little peace was when she was hanging out with her few GOOD friends. like the people that actually got to know her past her fake personality. they were also music people so they spent a lot of time together just messing around with instruments and vocals and writing songs in their own little makeshift studio / hangout spot

it started off as just fun and games, but with their help margo created some original songs and released them as an indie artist. she put herself out there on her social media profiles like “hey stream my new single!!!!!!” and people ate it up. after releasing a few tracks and establishing her own following, her music eventually got to the right people and she was given the opportunity to sign to an actual label which was wild ???

and while it was an amazing opportunity, releasing music under the label was also very demanding. when she was releasing music from the comfort of her friend’s studio it was purely a fun creative outlet and done on her own time. it was just... rough. but how could she complain when she was making a name for herself in the music industry + making bank from royalties + getting to meet all these cool famous people and go to parties with them and y’know ... spiral and slack off on other responsibilities

*DEATH TW* it was around her junior year that things started to go from bad to worse. she remembers exactly where she was and what she was doing when she got the call from her dad informing her of her mom’s extended stay in the hospital. things weren’t looking too good. there wasn’t anything they could do for the older lady and honestly she was done fighting. margo flew back home to chicago immediately and stayed at her childhood home for the following weeks until her mother passed. it was absolutely devastating. she stayed in chicago with her dad for months as they worked through their grief together *DEATH TW END*

columbia was pretty understanding of her situation and was willing to be accommodating so she could finish her degree plan, but margo put things off for so long that she eventually just withdrew from the university and was dead set on just living in chicago forever

i’m not gonna lie, margo was down and out for a little while. didn’t talk to anyone really, rarely left the house, stopped making music, and just sorta fell off completely. the only good thing that came out of the year or so that she spent back home was she stepped away from the false reality she created for herself in new york, which helped her realize that she didn’t love the person she was becoming or the things she was doing. she wasn’t even really involved with her one true passion which was theatre / acting

it was with a little boost from her dad ( literally her biggest fan , i love this man okay ) that she started acting like herself again. he told her that her mom wouldn’t want her to give up on everything and neither would he. so with a new found determination ( and a pretty exciting career opportunity ), margo put on her big girl pants and moved her ass back to new york to finally do what she loves to do

and here we are now ! she’s stepping into her break-out role onto broadway as lydia deetz in bettlejuice the musical

she’s only been back in new york for a few months at this point i’d say ??? and i can’t wait to see her come into her own and grow into the margo i know and love ... but also hate because she’s so so dumb :-) <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  &  𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒｡.｡:+*

she has no chill, probably will never have any chill, and i am sorry for that ASJNDLK she’s just overdramatic as hell !!! she’s a theatre kid at heart and i would expect absolutely nothing less from her

generally good-natured though and has good intentions. just simply has piss-poor execution sometimes

down to clown and ready to have a good time all the time all in the name of enjoying life to its fullest while we all have a chance

the only thing she takes seriously is her work life. she’s on her grind okay, it took a lot for her to get to where she is today and she’s not going to just let it slip away that easily. she’s doing everything she can to make not only herself proud but her parents :’-)

still releases her own music under the label but her primarily focus is on her budding broadway career and the label is understanding of that ... mostly because she called an executive meeting ( against her manager’s better judgement ) and was super up front and threatened to walk out if they didn’t see reason ... but at least things worked out well !!!

she mostly writes songs for other people at this point in her career. some big names too ( just like ... google julia michael’s career and apply it to margo okay thank u )

honestly her management teams worst nightmare simply because she does not listen and will do whatever she wants and post whatever she wants and will not apologize for being her authentic self in media

like, she’s just starting to figure out who she is again and they want her to stop and act fake because she’s not being very “family-friendly” or because it doesn’t make her “look good to the public” ??? nah f*ck that !

while she is sociable and fun-loving, she’s also hard to seriously get to know sometimes because of all those years of putting up a front. like sometimes she doesn’t even realize that she’s not being 100% genuine ??? so you could be hanging out with her every single day and still not know her completely and she might not open up and that’s okay, she’s working on it

she is a pretty good friend tho ! super loyal, a true ride or die, will want to fight anyone that you have a problem with, showers you in compliments and gifts, truly 10 / 10

but if she doesn’t like you or if you’ve mistreated her in any way at all she will in fact hold it against you for the rest of her life. just petty as a mf and i hate her for it like sis pls leT SH*T GO !!!!

didn’t grow up rich so now that she’s making bank she’s one of those people that just buys dumb things just because she can ??? the size of her closet is absolutely ridiculous, just overflowing with clothes and accessories, and the amount of random packages that get delivered to her apartment that she doesn’t even remember ordering is even more so ... just ... irresponsible spender

stubborn ?? what is compromising ??? doesn’t know her but will try ( begrudgingly ) if she really likes you

hates being bored. can and will go to excessive lengths to avoid boredom

partygirl margo has not stopped, will not stop, and cannot be stopped much to my own disappointment

self-proclaimed dancing queen. really puts all those years of classical dance training to good use by hopping on top of tables / countertops at parties to shake some ass

surprisingly a responsible adult that can cook and clean and get shit done when she really puts her mind to it ??? this developed over the years that her mom was sick and bedridden and she stepped up to take care of household chores while her dad worked doubles

very family-oriented and talks to her dad all the time. like, calls him daily for really dumb reasons. any time she feels down the first person she wants to talk to is him ( well it’s actually her mom, who was her best friend in the whole world, but since she’s not here anymore they make do as just the two of them )

her ego is LARGE. GRANDE. thinks very highly of herself as a result of being praised too much as a child probably. not to mention she is very very good at what she does, has more talent in her little pinky then i do in my whole body. she’s secretly insecure on the inside but she presents as an overconfident bad bitch

a staple to her character that i wish she would shake is her inability to handle her own feelings in a healthy way ... she just sorta ... shuts down ?? runs away ?? acts like nothing is happening ?? it’s bad. would rather leave than get left and bottle up all her feelings and kick them under the bed then ever open up

has a terrible sleeping pattern and cannot stay on a solid sleep schedule to save her life. undiagnosed insomniac. when her mind just won’t calm down she often goes out to keep her occupied and avoid any overthinking that might occur when she’s in her own company

her life motto is #YOLO and does a lot of stupid sh*t because of it

probably uses tiktok too much both as a consumer and a content creator. vlogs her backstage experiences and also just posts dumb, amusing things

this is so long i’m sorry if you read this whole thing i just have a lot of feelings about her after writing her for so many years AKJSDK i’ll shut up now BYE

i have margo’s wc page HERE but just some ideas are best friends, frenemies, confidants, fellow music people, party friends, pr friends or pr rivals, crushes, on and off again, exes, roommate, childhood friends, family friends, good influence, bad influence, honestly truly anything and everything PLS i love to plot and write w/ all of you ! <3

[kinktae]

Hope you’re doing okay and wishing for your recovery!! 💗

below the cut are some of the most precious, kind, sweet, angelic human beans in the world. thank u so much to everyone who took time out of your day to send me in a kind message rooting for my recovery :((( u guys have my whole heart!

Anonymous said: im so sorry about your diagnosis i really hope you get well soon! praying for you! 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: oh baby… i’m so so sorry this happened to u 🥺. i’m truly hoping n wishing u a speedy recovery. take care as much as u can n rest as much a u can. i’m sending u lots of warmth, love, n healing energy ! feel better soon, sweetheart 🥺🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Anonymous said: I'm so sorry to hear about you falling ill atm!! I hope you're feeling better (covid is a bitch so better as in: sick but not sick af) and resting a lot 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

purely-heroine said: I know we don’t converse but you are one of my favorite authors and are important in this world SO PLEASE GET BETTER AND STAY HEALTHY AFTER!!!! 🥺💛🌼

Anonymous said: Omg rose please get well soon :( I’m so sorry I hope everything turns out ok for u take ur time to recover <3 I hope u get well quickly❤️❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said:omfg get well soon !! and i'm sorry that you're in this condition bc people are too stubborn to wear masks :((

Anonymous said:Get well soon love! My thoughts go out to you, stay safe and take care of yourself ❤❤

Anonymous said:OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU THINK YOUR CONDITION IS SERIOUS AND HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW STUPID PEOPLE NOT WEARING THEIR STUPID MASKS AND NOW NY BEAUTIFUL ROSE IS HURT FUCK THEM I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET BETTER

Anonymous said:I’m sending you all my love honey! I hope all of your symptoms go away soon! 💖💕💞

jiminskth said: oh my corona NOO pls pls pls take care of urself and most of all !!do not!! force urself to write bc were waiting ur health ALWAYS comes first! im so sorry thjs had to happen bc of other ppls foolish actions :( i hope u get better quickly bc we’ll all miss you! 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: omg rose im so sorry :( there are irresponsible people who think that things are back to normal but is quit the opposite so i hope you get better soon 💜

Anonymous said: Hope you get well soon honey! This sucks ): but I’m praying for your fast recovery 💜

sakurasangcl said: Oh no! Take care of yourself and feel better soon!

Anonymous said: ladies grab ur swords we’re gonna find this rona bitch and we’re jumping her ass for hurting our gorl rose☺️🗡

Anonymous said: ME AND THE HOMIES ARE GONNA GO BEAT MISS RONA’S ASS FOR LAYING HER FILTHY HANDS ON YOU😤👊🏽 n e ways i hope you feel better soon and have a safe recovery bby🥺💞💓💖

Anonymous said: Omg how are u and ur fam feeling!!!!

Anonymous said: Are you feeling any better? I hope you are!

Anonymous said: Hewwo just passing by to say that I hope everything's okay and that you and your dad are doing better now 💗

Anonymous said: rose :(( i hope you and your father get better soon!!! sending love to you so you can stay strong ❤️❤️❤️ muah!! ❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said: i am so sorry to hear that you and your father are sick. i will keep you in my thoughts and i am hoping you feel better soon. take all the time you need to recover and more; you and your family's health are more important than anything. stay hydrated and nourished! 💞💞

Anonymous said: Hi! Uhm I really like all your stories, im just here to say that we your readers appreciate you so much ❤️ I hope you're doing well know! We'll always be by yourside

roxydemi said: I hope your dad is alright!! Please take care of yourself and I wish you and him a speedy recovery 💖

Anonymous said: Damn that fucking sucks theres like no other way to explain it i hope you and your father are okay along with your whole family hun your in my prayers 😥😔 🙏🏽 stay strong ✊🏽

diorscript said: rose i hoping for a full recovery! this virus has been ravaging this world for far too long and i hope it’s eradicated soon 🥺 i pray that you and your family can come out of this safely 💗💗💗💗

Anonymous said: Omg I’m so sorry about ur father :(( I really hope he gets well soon❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

cheyshumannose said: Take all the time you need beautiful, your health is what’s important 💜

Anonymous said: i hope you’re doing well too. stay strong - hate anon ❤️

kxsmicsmain said: Hey Rose! My mama has just recently finished recovering from COVID, so I really hope you and your father can as well! Im sorry you got sick, but I really hope you all can reciver quickly and be okay!

Anonymous said: I’m so sorry you have covid! It’s awful! I am a nurse, and even though I don’t work on the Covid unit, a lot of my coworkers and I have come down with it. Here’s to hoping you have a speedy recovery, keep hydrated.

cainami said: You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers lately girl 💖 i just wanted to tell you hope you feel better and i hope you don’t feel too down. being sick can be scary even when you are recovering well. wishing you all the best🥰 (in the meantime i’ll be rereading all your fics lol)

bbbrats said: hi my baby, it’s been a while :( but i hope you’re doing well! i saw your covid 19 post so I wanted to give you a home remedy. It helped my mom with her covid. Onions, orange peels, lemon peels and sea salt in a pot of boiling water. lean over it and inhale the steam that comes from it.

meesathefish said: OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN’T CHECKED YOUR TUMBLR FOR UPDATES IN A WHILE I HOPW YOU & YOUR DAD ARE DOING OKAY PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE REALLY DEEP BREATHS REGULARLY TO PREVENT PNEUMONIA I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT ELSE IS GOOD TO DO BUT PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU & YOUR FAMILY FIRST AND FOREMOST YOU WERE THE FIRST BTS FIC AUTHOR I FOLLOWED ON THIS WEBSITE YOU’RE WONDERFUL YOU GOT THIS SENDING GOOD VIBES & EVERYTHING YOR WAY ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said: heyy miss rona really do be out here ruining shit but i hope you feel better soon pls take care of yourself <33

kpopbias1 said: Get well sis! I'm rooting for you!

lovemyself-persona said:I hope you get better soon 💜💜💜 my mom, brother and I, along with a few other family members got it and have now gotten over it and I hope you do too 🥺 stay rested and hydrated 💜💜💜

Anonymous said:y’all we gotta stop miss rona now. she’s gone too far.

usagionthem00n said: Rose my darling Im wishing you the best of health and speediest if recoveries🌼🌸🌺💐

[dearosamu]

DESPERADO - APELPISIA

SYPNOSIS: she, a dancer with personified problems all the while more that intrigues osamu dazai who came into her life amidst the chaos that is [name] [last name].

WARNING/S: none

nine - ten

"so?"

with arms linked around dazai, [name] gives him a curious glance. "what?"

"how was it? were you pleased throughout this day?

the female nods. "yeah. it's safe to say i enjoyed it. you're surprisingly not you when you're not aroused."

dazai pouts at her comment, with the female snickering at his crestfallen expression. "i'm kidding. you're a gentleman. i just didn't expect this from you." she smiles as they continue to walk in the direction of her home. she still had to pick up yumeno from gin's place after all.

dazai contemplates asking her his question for a moment, unsure if he would get a positive response. he decides against his doubt. "then if possible," he pauses, warily gazing into her [e.c] irises.

"what is it?"

".. could we do this again?" he murmurs. hesitation crept onto her face, worry and doubt edging through within a mirror like image of herself.

"dazai, you understand that i -"

"don't do love, yes, i know. you've told me that like, twice now," he sighs as he attempts to hide his disappointment. he stopped walking by this point, making the female stop abruptly so. [name] gives him a moment to recollect himself, noticing how his hand seemed to tremble the slightest bit. he appeared nervous. which was unlike of the man, seeing how she was used to his calm, almost smug and carefree persona.

"at first i thought i didn't even know id be able to feel that again," he continues. the female blinks at him, frowning slightly.

"but i guess i was wrong."

"you're telling me you have feelings for me?"

"how else am i going to describe it?"

she bites her lip upon the upcoming question waiting to be spewed from her mouth. she was afraid of what his answer was going to be.

"do you see yourself with me for the long run?"

"yes." dazai gives an answer almost immediately. he didn't hesitate. as if he was expecting her to ask him that. it caught [name] off guard, removing her hold on his arm as her face flushes to the slightest shade of red.

for once, the [h.c] haired female was rendered speechless. dazai took her silence as a bad sign and continued to spew words that came onto his mind.

"i mean, i enjoy being with you. i like spoiling you. i feel like i've bonded with yumeno too. and if you'd let me," he clears his throat, preparing himself if he were to be rejected.

"i want to become some kind of father figure for him." [name] stares at him with astonishment. his eyes showed utmost sincerity. she might even say he was way more flustered than her at this point.

"you'd do that for us?" he nods, linking his arms with her once again and saunters forward. unbeknownst to him, a small gentle smile curled up on her lips.

"in that case, i'd love to go on another date with you."

dazai doesn't spare her a glance - he didn't want her to see the blossoming flush on his face. he didn't know why, but he felt his chest enter a frenzy state of ecstasy.

--

how dazai wished he could capture this moment. face flushed and lips agape in shock. she looked adorable all flustered.

"w-what was that for?"

"a goodnight kiss. on the forehead," he grins. he'd have to thank oda for suggesting such a romantic gesture to end the night. it really was unlike him, but he was willing to do small changes. all for her.

"how charming." she moves to unlock the door.

"well, thank you aga-" she was quickly cut off as a small push of force nearly knocked her off her feet, dazai placing a hand on the small of her back to help maintain her balance.

"woah! im sorry!!" exclaimed yumeno. he seemed to have ran from somewhere all the to the front door, gin followed closely behind, giving an apologetic gaze towards the female.

"sorry [name], he got all excited when you called to pick him up."

"it's alright. thanks again so much for sparing time to care of this lil' brat," she ruffles the messy two-toned locks of yumeno.

"don't mention it. i don't do much other than tend to my brother's home. he's always at work. he basically married to it already." she hands [name] yumeno's doll.

"almost forgot this."

[name] gives a small smile. "i'll give you your payment once i get this one home first, okay?"

"by all means, take your time. i'm not going anywhere. i'm always here if you need someone to watch over him." gin waves a small goodbye as [name], along with yumeno are escorted back into their home by dazai.

[name] lets yumeno go in first, leaning against the door frame to bid dazai a farewell.

"this is me," she pauses, leaning up to plant a small kiss near the corner of his lips. she pulls away, smiling at his flabbergasted expression. he looked much cuter this way.

"good night, dazai."

the brunette saunters away from the steps of [name]'s home, passing by gin's place, waving to the woman. "i take it that things went well?" she points to the corner of her lips, noticing the little stain of lipstick smudged on his own. dazai makes no move of removing the little smudge of red on his face, grinning at the younger akutagawa sibling.

"you could say that. still need payment for being nanny for a day?"

she waves his comment offhandedly. "i suggest leaving [name] to take care of it. believe me, she'll probably fight you over this."

"well, you're not entirely wrong."

"she prides herself being a single independent mom. she's just that kind of person. she's really great."

dazai nods, agreeing with her words.

[name] was simply one of a kind.

--

"so are you guys official yet or what?" akutagawa asks, voice slightly muffled as he had his phone in between his shoulder, hands busy with stirring a bowl filled with cookie dough.

"nope. but she agreed to go on another date. still a win for me," dazai echoes. he believed he made good progress. she was all chipper and relaxed.

"i think i'm making good changes - progress? i hope." akutagawa hums in approval. "gin told me about it yesterday when you both stopped by to get yumeno. i happen to think you did well since twelve years-"

"hey, you shush with that!" dazai silences akutagawa before he could drawl on about his previous dating experience. "i'm fine with taking the compliment instead, thank you very much." he continues, sarcasm dripping in his words.

he hears the younger male snicker over the other line. "yeah, okay. whatever you say."

"anyway, are you gonna stop by?"

"well, duh. i'm baking something right now though. shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes."

"great," dazai replies. "make sure to save some chocolate chip for me though. i'll be getting home a little late."

"alright, see you then."

--

"what is it?" dazai communicates through his telecom.

"sir, there appears to be a woman looking for you. a woman named [name] [last name]." dazai nearly sprints out of his office as soon as he heard his secretary utter her name. he made quick, long strives to the elevator to get to the ground floor.

he sees that she was standing idly near the reception desk, anxiety and distress were apparent on her features. they quickly dissipated once her eyes met with dazai. "d-dazai!" she moves closer to him, all jittery laced with alarm.

"[name], what's the matter?" he inquires with care, worry evident on his face as he runs a hand up and down her arm to calm her down.

"can we please talk about it somewhere private?" her voice was small as she requested the brunette for a much more less crowded place. dazai didn't say another word, opting to take her with him to his office instead.

the pair were silent, advancing through the halls until they've reached his office. once they've reached it, dazai closes the door and sits down on one of his office couches, gesturing to [name] to sit beside him. she walked over in the spur of the moment, crawling over to his lap, head buried in his chest as she takes a deep breath. she seemed so distraught, dazai noted. he'd have to let her relax a bit more before he could ask questions.

he had wrapped his arms around her, comforting her in a sense of saying she'd be safe in his arms. no one could harm her. they stayed in that position for a few minutes before she decided to speak up.

"i.. i didn't think i'd see him again." "who?"

"yumeno's father .." she replies somber in a whisper. her lips trembled as she continued. "i-i thought that he'd m-move somewhere else! b-but .. i saw him. i saw him with his- his wife .." she takes another deep inhale of air to calm her nerves.

"but why are you so shaken at this? could you please explain?" dazai asks, running a hand through [h.c] locks, tugging away at tangled hair. he hoped it would somehow calm and distract her enough to explain.

"it was a while ago. i had gotten in a relationship with this guy. i fought for him, you know?" a few tears escaped her eyes. "but i was too stupid. too dumb. i'd fallen for him more than he had for me." she wipes off her fallen tears with aggression, furious at the fact she still spared tears for the man.

dazai remained silent, only tightening his hold on her at her fragile state.

"i didn't mean for any of it to go that far. we were .. so careful. i was so young back then, i didn't realize. then i had yumeno. i thought he'd be happy for me. the only thing was," she pauses, choking back a sob waiting to spill out. "i didn't know he had a wife. i only found out a few months after i had yumeno. he had lied about everything. to both me and her. he's abandoned me. he wanted to take yumeno from me and i .."

[name] stopped, her form shaking with eyes shut tight. she couldn't bare going on. dazai takes her head and places it against his shoulder, placing one hand on her back to rub comforting circles around it. her muffled cries and tears stained his blazer, but he couldn't care much about it in this moment.

"you're scared they might try taking yumeno from you again?"

he feels her shake her head. "i was positive i was done with them. i thought they'd just move on and forget about it. or maybe i'm just being paranoid .." she mutters.

"i just wishes yumeno had a better family for a happier life."

"hey," dazai cups her cheek, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. "don't say that. i assure you, yumeno is far better off with you than those two. " he reassured.

"he's more than lucky to have you." his soft tone and look of fondness had the woman in his arms shaken to her core. her tears had dried up, chest swarming with an emotion she'd describe as yearning.

"listen, i get if you don't want to, but i still stand by what i said," dazai spoke carefully. "you could always come live with me. you won't have to work at that club anymore."

"dazai, i .."

"you don't have to if you don't want to," he places one hand on her left shoulder. "i'm always here for you."

she stares right back at him with an emotion he couldn't perceive. he sighs, mulling over his words. "before you say that you're 'just going to be a burden', believe me, you're not. and you won't ever be."

"i want you to understand that i'm in love with you." he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. dazai squirmed a bit in his seat, uncomfortable with the fact that he didn't know what she was thinking.

"y-you're in love with me?" before dazai could respond, she spewed out words that came to her mind, too overwhelmed.

"why? why me? i've been so rude to you and disrespectful. i -" dazai makes the move of cupping her jaw, successfully silencing her worrisome train of thought.

"you make me feel all kinds of things. my  heart aches for you. it's been a while, you know? pining over you," he chuckles.

"i feel them everyday. i sure as hell don't want it to stop."

the female makes the move of placing a chaste kiss on his lips, moving them ever so softly. they molded splendidly against his. it wasn't a way to silence the talkative brunette, nor was it intense or too rough. it was loving. filled with ardor and raw emotion.

he felt her warmth all over.

he wanted more of it.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and— can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.

[anotherfandomok]

Interactive Introverts Richmond Summary! (Part 1 bc rambling)

Ok. My experience and a general summary. I'm gonna do my best I couldn't believe it was happening, before, after, or during it, and now I can't believe it happened. So.

I didn't get ready way too early this time! I loved my outfit it was so cute, and I drew whiskers on my wrist and my cousin did too :). I went over to my cousin's, and my aunt drove us to my uncle's office in Richmond. He took us to II it was so awesome of him. I was flipping out.

We got there and took pics with the signs and stuff I was vibrating and bouncing and shit I was so excited. We lined up and got in doors opened at six and it was a lot of little short lines so we got in really quickly. Immediately I wanted to go downstairs for merch.

We got in the merch line and like really like ahead in the line I was so proud of getting there so fast.

And I saw the like stand up thing background for the m&g?????? So I was like um wtf are they actually right there like thirty feet away from me? So I was watching it and had my phone ready to video. I SAW PHIL LESTER WITH MY OWN EYES LEAN FORWARD AND HUG SOMEONE. y'all you don't understand his hair is SO. BLACK. like it actually shocked me how black it was I guess it doesn't translate.

But anyway they had the last few people do the m&g, and then they left and Dan waved really quick and we all cheered and I GOT A VIDEO OF THEM AKFNDJSFBWJD.

Also, fan project tonight super cute just a pic of Virginia that said "VA LOVES YOU" I didn't know about it until I got there, but someone handed me a stack and asked me to pass them out and I was like um hell yes so I did that.

Anyway, we moved forward in the merch line and yo the line got so long I was so happy we went straight there omg. The merch setup was like really good! Very efficient they had a long table and everything up with prices and stuff it was so well set up and the guy who helped me was super nice.

I got both short sleeved shirts and the long sleeved shirt, as well as a hat and a poster, and my cousin got the hoodie, a poster, and the marble shirt. Cute as hell! It went really smoothly and quickly it was awesome and we just got right through.

We went to the bathroom and it had a lil ledge so we folded and organized our stuff and then went to the bathroom. Tbh the bathrooms there were REALLY nice, and not crowded at all when I went! The theatre itself was so nice you guys like I can't even believe how nice it was it was so fancy like pretty carpeted soft stairs and everything was so ornate and detailed and pretty. Just omg.

Anyway! Then we went and stood by the front doors for a bit and I handed out signs (if you saw me in the lacy white shirt and black shorts with short blond hair aye!). We sat in balconey D, so we went up (a LOT of stairs) and found our seats!

Seriously I can't overstate how gorgeous and amazing this theatre was so fancy with super soft seats and good room like it was so pretty and it had a ton of like Egyptian stuff on the walls omg it was so cool. Y'all. The set was GORGEOUS. Like the lights and the background and just. Wow. I felt so close even though we were the highest up, because everything was very stacked. We really weren't that far away even though we were towards the back like I could see the stage really well.

The set is so gorgeous wow. And I just jammed to all the songs on the preshow playlist it was so amazing I couldn't believe it was real.

Also Dan's Siri came on like twice and was like hi there's really nice merch downstairs and Dan left me to look at memes and stuff, and told us not to film bc iPads are bad lmao. (I filmed anyway don't arrest me).

Everyone FLIPPED SHIT when Welcome To The Black Parade came on oh my god it was so loud and amazing. The lights dimmed and off we went.

They opened with the really adorable video being projected omg my heart and then they rode in dramatically with their steam and everyone LOST THEIR SHIT it was amazing the crowd was so loud all night.

Phil read the Richmond Wikipedia page apparently (wow, nerd) lmao and talked about the rat basketball team. They literally mentioned the rat basketball team like at least six times throughout the show tonight y'all I'm.

Dan said shooketh at something at the beginning and I don't remember what it was but like djfndjsdbrb. Also he did the Naruto run the first time he ran off stage, and we all sCREAMED.

They did a smol duet of A Whole New World which I now know was inspired by the venue - it was so great though and Dan was like that's not what you want trust me it would start off good but it would quickly become horrible. It sounded really good though like I love them they should sing more.

I hadn't seen any spoilers about the beginning! They talked about what an introvert is and asked the introverts and extroverts in the room to cheer sjfbwjsj.

Dan had a six second challenge to pretend to be a llama sitnfndntkejr he pranced and did a noise we all DIED and then he was like "-NO!" it was hilarious sjfndjsnebd.

The segment about what they weren't gonna do had me shook I nearly died. "Please be gentle with the handcuffs; I have sensitive skin" IM DEAD.

Also when they went to walk up and pretend to strip and then they RIPPED OFF THEIR SHIRTS TO REVEAL IDENTICAL SHIRTS UNDERNEATH YOURE FUCKING KIDDING ME WHAT THE FUCK.

We were all really sad about the puppies so Phil said we'd get to see more puppies later in the show and we all screamed and Dan said if you're gonna promise puppies you better follow through.

When they offered to let people touch their hair I was like sjgbdjdbdjabfsn. Pastel personas skgbsjfkekfje??? They put on flower crowns and brought stuffed animals up to the front of the stage wow my heart.

They were like we're not gonna bring up a whole bunch of other YouTubers - because we have no friends and no one replied to our messages.

I can't remember for shit, but the whole beginning segment was just amazing. When they finished talking about how the show was interactive they were like "so that's why now we're going to make one of you stand up at random!!!!!!!" And they shined all the lights up and for a second it was chaos and then they were like kidding kidding we're just kidding and Phil was like your faces were priceless and Dan was like okay you can tell who the introverts and extroverts are the introverts are like crawling into a ball in their seats like "DONT PICK ME" I've never seen 3000 people curl up into a ball before. It was terrifying but also amazing!

Truth bombs! Honestly, I thought they were gonna do all the ones from the website, but they only did one each.

Phil's torture confession would be being bathed in cheese (Dan talked about if that included scrubbing, or if it included scrubbing under flaps y'all I was so done oh my god), but other options were mouth noises in headphones in his ears (to which Dan then did HORRIBLE and horribly loud mouth noises into his mic oh my god it was the worst thing my ears have ever heard ajtbcjejgsj *vomits* he said "not the asmr you came to hear, sorry") and ??? (Help I forgot)

Dan dreams about Nick Jonas in a fursuit at night ("the two things I lease wanted to hear right now, combined), but other options were a dark abyss ("no that's what I see when I look in the mirror") and a one direction reunion.

They would die from "Bees?" But other options were Dan falling out of the gaming chair and taking Phil down with him, and burning down the flat after setting a fire during a baking video gone horribly wrong (both of the runner ups they said were extremely realistic and plausible and they were like are you guys surprised we aren't dead yet we were all like yah). Dan was like where are the bees going to come from???? THAT FLAP keep you eyes on it.

We're real people with free will so you can't just make us do whatever you want, BUT we have made a simulation with a tiny Dan and Phil where you choose what they would do in completely normal, everyday situations that we experience in real life. Remember, tiny Dan and Phil still have emotions and can feel shame and guilt, so this is our test to see if you are responsible enough to be in control during this show - please do what you would actually want us to do if you were controlling us in real life.

Simulation! They have been working on this since they were FETUSES. Not babies, fetuses they were up in their mom's bellies with laptops editing this, and they spent billions of pounds and thousands of Richmond dollars (idk why they said Richmond dollars so many times during the show but sjtbsjdjd it was cute) on it.

Phil first he went to Barstucks (the simulations didn't want to get sued) and got a unicorn death frappe, with lots of sugar so he was vibrating, and he accidentally tweeted a picture of him in his underwear. Shirtless Satan appears and we all cheered for Satan they were concerned and Phil sold his soul to Satan to take the pic down bc he dropped his phone in his drink lmao. SATAN TAKES HIM TO HELL AND THERES DEMON DAN AND HE HAS A POTATO AND HE POTATO PRESSES PHIL TO DEATH FOR ETERNITY. then Phil was like "I still remember the feeling of a wet potato being pressed to my back" I was like sjbsjsjdsj ew.

Dan talked to the furry in the park and went to a furry rave (didn't show him the good Shiba Inu memes he had) and did body shots off of an otter and entered the ladydoor and slipped on the floor and died in his slothbear fursuit. Lmao rip (I'd already heard that ending though). Dan said the show was officially demonitized, and also said "there was an attempt" after people cheered for the good option lmao.

At the end they were like what a waste of all our billions of dollars and all the time spent editing as fetuses.

At the end of the simulation Phil talked about it being like a mob mentality and Dan compared it to fandoms and how if you like something and everyone else seems to have the same reason for liking it or whatever, the people who it especially means some thing to, their voices can get lost. And that's what this show is all about giving the people what they want and getting all the voices and stuff. Fandoms are often seen as one collective unit but you can't expect them all to want the same thing because they're all made up of very different individuals. Etc. It was good.

Our collective name was Kevin. We did a coordinated clap ("the asmr you do want to hear") it was the coolest fucking thing ever ajrnejfnej to build the hive mind. Then we chose a breed of dog for them to get "they just want us to get a dog Phil that's all they want" and Phil led it he was like I think I can get everyone to think the same thing, and we chose Fluffy the very terrifying Chihuahua it was so cool how they did it and that was the one I got so yay! They asked who didn't get fluffy and then they were like "that's okay that just means you aren't part of Kevin... YET." And then they just kept saying how we needed to get inside Kevin and stuff it was like okay wow.

Then we had the WHATS UNDER DANS BED. First of all that box is fucking hilarious, and I think Dan mentioned Phil just wanting an excuse to use props lmao. They explained it and then Phil brought out the audience participation balls "Phil has three balls." Okay. But they really emphasized how if you didn't want it you could just throw it to someone who did like they were so nice and understanding about it and when the music stopped Phil asked and made sure everyone who had one wanted it :). Also they were like keep the answers like amazingphil channel okay keep it PG. But it was actually a really cool concept and the lights went rainbow when they were throwing them around, which I LOVED! The three answers were an anthill but the ants are tiny dogs, a fursuit made of maltesers, and "I think he's trolling us and it's empty"/nothing. Y'all Phil was like has anyone seen a key under their seat and Dan was like wait what are we talking about wait no no I have the key akfnfjejd. They opened it, got the silver tube, opened that and got the scroll, and then they were like this has been in the tube in the locked box on the stage the whole time how could it possibly say what three random members of the audience said, and then they SLOWLY UNROLLED IT AND IT SAID TINY DOG ANTHILL, FURSUIT, AND NOTHING YALL I WAS SHOOK OUT OF MY MIND LIKE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE THE SHOW WAS MAGIC AND THEY JUST DID THAT OH MY GOD. I'm still shook about it.

Then Phil took the banner and tore it up into like three or four big pieces and was like okay guys tear it up and pass it around tear and share I was so shook I was like oh my god I want a piece of that banner but obviously I was balconey, so they were ripping off pieces and passing it around and Dan and Phil were like omg it's like the walking dead down there "oh my gosh... That is.. violent." I was so shook that they did that like that was so nice and good like snejdbdabfbo.

Survey! Dan dabbed when he said statistics and Phil was like don't dab to statistics and Dan dabbed again and was like math *dab* there was so much unnecessary dabbing it was wow. Phil likes to use props and costumes so the brought out the glasses and clipboards YALL THEM IN GLASSES IN REAL LIFE 😭. Phil read the options for the audience participation one really dramatically and Dan was like "Phil wrote all the answers to these questions obviously" to which Phil replied "I wanted to make them spicy." 68% like audience participation, sixty some feel like they really know Dan and Phil (8% said who are Dan and Phil and Dan was like where do you think you are Shrek the musical? It was so good. I think Phil said maybe that's the parents. Incredible.) (Unnecessary third option bc Phil wanted to see what would happen - it used the middle screen) 40% like the sims the best, but pinof had 36%. Ditl had 16%, and baking and crafts both had four. They ROASTED the four percent who love crafts lmao it was great. (They spent the whole tour budget on the pie chart for the video series lmao it was FANCY) Sixty percent of people whlant Dan and Phil to give the people what Dan and Phil want, so I was really proud of us and Dan seemed surprised and happy about it he said Augusta was like ninty percent what the people want lmao.

ONE FINAL QUESTION WE ASKED YOU DAN OR PHIL BUT THATS TOO EASY NO WE ASKED YOU WHO WOULD YOU SACRIFICE BUT DAN NO ONES REALLY GOING TO BE SACRIFICED RIGHT THIS IS JUST A QUESTION ON A SURVEY IN A STAGE SHOW "I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ABOUT DAN AND PHIL THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES... RIGHT?"

SUPER DRAMATIC SACRIFICE DAN OR PHIL "YOU MIGHT SAY I CANT CHOOSE TOO BAD THE WORLD IS FULL OF HARD DECISIONS ONE OF US WILL BE STRAPPED TO THIS WHEEL" PHIL SAID "ONE OF US IS GOING TO BE PUT IN MORTAL DANGER RIGHT NOW" AND THEN THEY BOTH JUMPED ONTO THE PLATFORM WITH THE WHEEL AND RODE IT BACKWARDS AND THEN INTERMISSION HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEYRE SO DRAMATIC AND EXTRA OH MY GOD IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I'm forgetting so much but I'm gonna do this in two parts. Intermission seemed to come so quickly! It was at almost eight forty. Intermission was cool I stood up and stretched my legs bc as soon as I sat down my left leg fell asleep and it's still fucked up the. Some more jams though, and the last song they play was The Final Countdown lmao.

Quick note they are both so beautiful ??? Like?? I couldn't stop staring at their fucking legs oh my god and Dan's knees with his ripped jeans help. Also, I was mesmerised by the way Phil walks? And the way he runs and skips and does little jumps and shit? Like it's actually really graceful his legs are So Long and I'm just obsessed with watching him walk around omg. In summary - Legs ™

Edit: I totally forgot about the airhorn during Truth Bombs ajgbfjrnfsiej it was WILD Phil kept playing with it and pressing buttons to make noises before we even started doing Dan's, and Dan was like omg stop but we were all cheering because obviously it was amazing and Dan was like don't cheer when he does that you're encouraging him and we just cheered louder. (Phil also stroked the airhorn remote - the number of times some variation of the word stroke was said tonight..... So much)

At some point during the beginning they talked about why everyone loves the sims bc you can make people and make them do whatever you want and Phil was like like put a hundred sims in a swimming pool and remove the ladders and watch them drown slowly and I used to do that a lot as a kid does that say something and Dan was like that would explain a lot actually (I swear to God he said that phrase about Phil like three or four times throughout the show like wow). And Phil was like you could also make them woohoo with a skeleton or an alien and HE THRUSTED TO EMPHASIZE HIS POINT I WAS LIKE JESUS FUCK STOP PLEASE.

[private-thoughts-express]

Majority is a rant but if u want to use this in an english class to teach kids about reading between the lines then be my guest

I love publishing my shit on the internet. i have a tiktok where i mostly talk about my ex or my dad. i also post little cutesy videos and i like doing the trends. but i do overshare sometimes. i used to have a finsta where i would write essays and post sad pictures of me and i would literally post every one of my lowest moments. like thats so crazy. and i only had 5 (2 were the same person) followers and only one person ever consistently commented. so very few were aware. i have had countless anonymous accounts on every random platform where i vented or bitched or cried. its absolutely cray if u really think about it. and now i have this tumblr. i will probably abandon it in a month or 4 because thats what i do. i set these large goals for myself that i cant complete. but i still keep trying. so i regressed to 2012 tumblr self. so now that im here im thinking why do i, or anybody for that matter, have this incessant need to post about every tragic depressing thing that happens to us online?

ps. Listen to that while u read the rest of this so we can listen to the same thing while reading it. it is my favorite song to walk home to or cook to or close my eyes to. so u deserve to listen to it. do a nice thing for urself and hit play. its not even what i typically like so when i first heard it i was surprised about how great a new music genre could be and it just scratches the best itch in ur brain

i don't care if its the people i know that see it. i actually dont prefer it but theres a select few that i dont care if they do see. but thats besides the point. Theres many people, myself included, that dont feel certain of their emotions. i never know how im feeling or if im being overdramatic. I also dont know how to muster up the courage to share the worst of my thoughts with some people. i also hold my tongue a lot. l just dont want to upset anyone or be honest. i hate being honest sometimes. emotionally honest. its so hard and lame. so where am i going with this? well if i remember correctly im going here:

There Is Major Satisfaction in Hitting Post

I feel that publicizing my feelings and putting them out there in the internet abyss cements them into the world. my mom always did say that once you put something on the internet its forever. and i said bet that works in my favor because ! my feelings will exist forever and i can look back at them scattered all over different platforms with a shit ton of emails and separate personas and i can be like yes ! i felt that. that was real and i didn't make it up. people may see it and be like cool whatever but that still spreads my feelings and now its not just me that knows. even if it was for a moment it was known by me and a stranger and we both acknowledge that there was a point in time that i felt that way. [continued...]

PS. listen to this for the rest of this:

[continued...] i feel so disconnected from my last thoughts but im going to return to them now. ill start here:

i dont often feel seen. even with my closest friends i dont feel all the way there. i dont feel authentic all the time. i think it has a lot to do with my aversion to vulnerability and sharing your feelings. i know i already said it but i want to say it again because my friends are wonderful. they are beautiful and kind and smart and strong. i love my wonderful friends and they mean the world to me. sorry i just had to put that in there. (now im listening to savior complex) but yea. i just feel like i cant relax and breathe. i feel stiff. i feel so aware of me and my presence and how i look and move and react. i mean if were being honest i think im describing some one with some undiagnosed something but thats besides the point. the Point ! is that i find so much comfort in sharing my most private intimate thoughts online because so much satisfaction comes from knowing its potentially out there forever. because nothing is really forever but for as long as the internet is around this can potentially be around. i dont need to have kids to carry out my legacy because my internet footprint will do it for me. im pre planning in the most minimal way. i dont have to write a book or create a shit ton of movies or win a prize because i can post something completely raw and forget about it. Its really cool if you think about it. u will live forever in some capacity. this took a weird turn ! and i think this is where we cut it short but it has been a pleasure.

if any of this made sense i will give myself a pat on the back.

this made me feel very carrie bradshaw x nyt

[wang-yeon]

Kingdom Hearts| Jin

Your sister is getting an arranged marriage to bring two kingdoms together as one. This has been tradition since the beginning of time and stretched out into modern day. What happens when you fall for your sisters future husband's brother and stray away from the tradition?

warning: Cussing, smut, alcoholic themes, Prince Jin!, Virgin Jin!

Genre: Smut and fluff

Word count: 9.6K

A/N: Yes i know the title of this is a video game. Also i wanted to get this up before i go on vacation, so sorry if it may seem a little rushed i wanted to get it out. Once i get back on vacation ill post my master list and being working on Hypnotic part 2

Marriage, a way of combining two souls conjoining as one. This had become a foremost event for the kingdom. They never identified it as i did, only seeing it as a way to combine our two kingdoms instead of our souls and hearts. I never agreed with the terms and beliefs but learned to keep my mouth shut along the way as they wouldn't acknowledge the true meaning. Sure it felt strange keeping everything bottled up but its what I learned to do best as it was tradition and saying my simple opinion i would be shunned. So hear i stand eyeing my sister trying on dress after dress doing keeping my mouth closed about the event.

"I feel like it does have enough diamonds. I want the people to be blinded by my costly dress."

They sure would be blinded by the high prices. For that amount of money we could just by another kingdom and have everything be settled instead of marriage. I rolled my eyes at the fortune my sister was indulging in. She always saw money as a small child to her. Something she carried around freely but wasn't afraid to spend stupid things on it. Endearing parent she was. Anyone else who held money as if they were a child she would automatically find herself drowning over their simple sentences that dripped with riches. Hints way she was marring one of the most said to be richest kings in our kingdom. As soon as his father died he took his place along with a small amount of his riches making him a certified person for my sister to capture.

I downed my last ounce of wine, finding it my only will to hold back what im saying. Sometimes this habit made me unleash the truth but i remain quiet though the event. It was like a little surprise something that i wouldn't aspect, an exciting game if you will. One time i could be quiet as ever keeping my opinion boxed in our i could explode as if i was a volcano letting out all the secrets i could muster. I sure as hell held a lot of them and i was just waiting for the perfect moment for them to lash out or stay hidden forever.

I reached my empty wine glass in seek of getting more alcoholic beverages. I had been to sober to deal with these whole ordeal. My sister had been managing to scream her vocal cords out to the point of a raspy voice making her bitch even more. My parents along with my aunt and multiple cousins had to sit in on everything and give her good input either if they liked it or not. I knew my parents treated her as if she was a recreation of the most precious thing in the world, which was far from it. I wasn't easy to corrupt like they did with her, I was never spoiled and thought that i was higher than other people. Growing up in a palace you get those kinds of ideas shoved inside your mind and it certainly was taking over my sister.

I aimed to get up to retrieve more wine as i stood up finally rather than being left along with my thoughts. I made my way to the table filled with beverages before a loud gasp brought me out from doing so. The gasp filled with that amount of dramatics was only the owner of my sister. I saddened me that its the only way i can tell the difference between her and someone else.

"We have people to do that for you."

I felt myself roll my eyes only to cause a bigger gasp and an even enormous outburst telling our mother that i was behaving outrageous. Clearly we had very different definitions of such things. This was a normal day for her meaning my parents and other relatives never minded it as i wanted to stab myself with a fork or any items in the near area. She drove me crazy and at times i didnt want to hold my tongue. I felt my mothers eyes at me looking at me as if i was crazy. She always took my sisters side no matter the debate as for my father he stayed out of it. At times i could tell he was on my side as he couldn't take my sisters vocal outcomes.

I bowed lightly apologizing with the fakest smile i could muster before turning back to the table. Mary who happened to be one of the servants greeted me with sorry eyes. I never liked the word servants nor did i like the idea of them catering our every move. I was grown enough to take care of my own businesses, yet growing up in a life like this was normal to some. I never got use to this idea so ma call it a lecture but i saw it torture for me and the other person who was helping me with my needs. By any means i tried to make them feel as people some as possible, not treating them any different.

"Do you have something stronger than wine? Perhaps Vodka?"

I leaned into Mary's ear giving her a small wink as she nodded with a light smile. We had a unique bond one that included a late drunk night looking at the stars on the roof top. It was nothing romantic involved it was just a stary night brought to you pay a mind bending friendship. The drunk conversations turned into deep thoughts that we would have never shared with anyone. She was one of the people that i ever connected with who didnt care about my riches and well cared family. We understood each other and we never judged. In the beginning friendship was dangerous on her part as she was in access my servant and we were aloud to be in such contact. However we still remained close and still remain to grow.

She arrives back with my glass of vodka bowing and going back over to her usual position. I sit back down slugging the alcoholic beverage hopping everything shall be over soon. I get unusual stares from family members around me asking what was in the cup only waving it off as water. My family was very conscious about alcoholic habits as my father held the same. We kept it very secret as we didn't want the kingdom of knowing of their kings traitorous habit. I never drank as much as him, he drank to the point of oblivion. I would always show concern while my sister would pretend and get money out of him. She would always call me a hypocrite for showing concern as i drank willing while he was falling in and out. This had been absurd as the only time i managed to drink was due to her big ass mouth that she never managed to close since the day she came out our mothers vagina. She was bothersome.

She did a final twirl in the dress making many awe almost getting one out of me. I had to admit it was a very lovely dress. One that was very stubble and held lace instead of being in bedded of diamonds. It was very soft yet outspoken. It was beautifully crafted from the most delicate hands. I stare in admiration at the dress as she stares at everyone's faces before letting out her usual vocally grown voice.

"I cant stand this material! How can you saw you like it when there are no encrusted diamonds in it. This dress is as worthless as the servants we own!"

My eyes bulge out as she says her words. I had been irritated that she hadnt liked the dress but as she went on i only began to grow infatuated. I understand its her day and she wants everything to be perfect but she had no right to bash people in her way. The alcohol l had been coursing through out my body and i could feel my opinions begin to bubble as i opened my mouth to let out a slight 'are you fucking serious'. My mouth had caught people off guard as everyone stared at me with wild eyes, mostly being my mother and sister.

"Y/N L/N have you no manners?"

"You know what mom i dont and im real tired of holding my opinions back."

My mother got up from her seat lifting her hands up. She directed me to leave which i so gladly was before i heard my sisters eary voice.

"No mother, i would like to hear you opinions since you held them in so long. Tell me what your dumb ass mind came up with?"

"Oh ill tell you bit-"

"Alright i think thats enough drama for this evening. Ill take her to check out the engagement rehearsal. I need a break from this shit myself."

My father said the last sentence rather softly only making me hear. We had began making our way to another room that held a wide space of arrangement's. close members of the other kingdom alread gathered her waiting for the future bride to arrive. My dad had chosen a table as i followed after him letting out a short groan in annoyance.

"Yeah i know this whole thing is stressful."

"I never understood this. The process of getting married just to bring our kingdoms together. Whats the point cant we just sign something?"

"I suppose we could, certainly would be easier. Its just this is how its always been. I wis someone came up with that idea before i married your mother."

I never sat down and actually had a conversation about this with just my father.He seemed open about the idea to opened as he vented about my mother. She was a very draining person but i always figured that he learned how to deal with it. Sh probably drained him to the point of him being empty as he relied on alcohol to fill him up. None of the less he held up a good persona in front of the people of our kingdom. He acted as if everything was peaceful as my mother placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. He seemed to beam whenever she did this simple action but now as my mother walks into the room he cant help but scruff and down a drink.

"Well thanks to you, your sister began crying and began saying how much you hated her."

"What a beautiful actress she is. Hey if this marriage doesn't work out maybe she can start that as a career?"

"Im serious shes devastated and concerned about you. we all are."

I knew she was hinting at my drinking as i still had the vodka in my hand. I hadnt had a problem at all but she seemed to hint at it alot especially my sister when she wanted to start a problem. The only time i ever did it was when i was offered it or if my sister was in the vicinity. In some eyes i guess i could see that i was an alcoholic but if they understood the circumstances they would relate. Like my father. He was labeled as an alcoholic but i only ever seen him with alcohol when my mother was near him which happened to be often.

My mother looked at my father with sorrow and irritation in her eyes as we watched him down his beverage.

"I think shes doing fine, certainly better than the demon filled with rage."

I could tell he was hinting at my sister as i laughed making my mother eye me with aggression. My father was a specific drinking instead of me he always voiced his opinion when he had a beverage inside of him. My mother shooed away so she could talk to my dad. I got up eagerly not wanting to indulge on the conversation. I quickly made my way around the room before i bumped into another body as there food poured over my dress.

I looked down seeing the painting of multiple food colors plastered on my dress. I would have been more mad if it was mine but it was my mothers making me not care a bit. The dress was rather ugly as i didnt bat an eye at the impact however, the assaulter certainly had his mouth a gaped and sported them with big brown eyes.

"Oh my god i am very sorry miss!"

I waved him off not carryin a single bit about the insistent.

"No seriously it fi-"

"Here let me help you."

I had no time to protest as he ushered me into the bathroom that happened to read women's. Luckily there wasnt anyone in the bathroom besides us. He carefully placed me on the sink to examine the damage. In my eyes it didnt seem like a big deal, all but a splash on the dress. He acted as if i was drenched in the various food items as it only was a dash here and there. He ran the material in his hands before he pulled out a special ingredient in his pocket.

"I cant believe it, the material is velvet. Dont worry i always carry my special gadget with me."

It seemed like a type of detergent you would uses on clothes but much more extravagant. It slightly scared me that he had these things ready as if he was prepared for everything. In essence this wasnt such a bad thing but it sure was strange that he had everything planned out. He dabbed the ingredient on the affected area all while getting in between my legs to get 'a better angle'. Either way he got the spots out without a groan, it certainly was impressive but rather excessive.

"Thank you, but you really didnt have to do that."

"Oh please a dress that beautiful deserves a slight touch up."

"Well i couldnt care about the dress. It cost more than my entire future."

"Well im sure the more expensive it is the more special it makes you feel."

I couldn't believe he even let those words fall from his lips. He had been so far off to the point of insanity. Not everything expensive brings you joy and happiness. I should have noticed his unique style and effortless ways of my sister. He was attracted to the money and didnt care about anyone else in his way.

"Excuse me sir, whats your name?"

"Prince Kim Seok Jin  at your serive."

He bowed with a small smirk on his face as if he was proud of the title. Im sue anyone would be but he was plain cocky instead of humble.

"Well listen Seok Jin , not everyone cares about riches. In fact some people attempt to run away from them."

"Well i tend to embrace it. Why push away something that is given to you and brings you joy. I understand how you see it but maybe once and a while you could take it in, many people would like to be in your position but they arent. Take advantage of it to the best of your abilities."

"Please give a prime example."

"With all do respect i just helped you with your dress sure shows some amount of care. I dont like how you're judging me with such an open eye. I could say many things to you based off of your appearance but like a gentlemen i choose to keep my mouth closed."

He had been right about the first part making me she the bright side in the things. We all seeked for our own fortune wither it be expressive or not. His however intended just that, it was rather costly.

"I suppose you are right. we all have our own source of happiness."

"That miss is where you are right. Another source of happiness for me happens to be food, so if you will excuses me im going out to get another plate of food."

He bowed politely before exiting. I still hadn't been used to the whole polite manner. I had been far from the royalty he was. It was obvious Seok Jin  was used to the whole persona as i tried to follow up to his expectations. I exited the bathroom attempting to look as classy as possible hoping the night would end soon.

I had reached my assigned table rotating my finger around the empty wine glass. I had cut back on the glasses as i felt myself growing tipsy. I was anxiously waiting for everything to be over while i felt the growing pain of boredom.

I feel another presence being brought to the table as i tilt my head to be met with seokjin. He certainly was attractive but he was far to classy for me. I couldn't keep up with that but is mere presence was enough for me. His smile was brighter the the constellations that shined bright making my heart fasten.

He fully sits down making brief eye contact with me before returning back to his meal. He smiles down at his food. I couldnt help but think what he was smiling at but it sure enough was making me smile at his state.

"Its a pleasure to see you again."

"As for you too."

I crossed my legs and tried to appear as classy as possible. I wanted to try and impress him as any guy who was in my life never should any attraction to me. They were attracted to the the money and the kingdom making me deny the services. My family obviously wasnt happy with this but i was still a young adult and marriage wasn't my main priority.

"It must be fate that we ran into each other this number of times."

"I believe so, i wouldn't mind getting to know you more."

"What would you like to know, princess?"

The nickname was slightly overdo but none of the less it made my heart beat faster. I was never used to being called this even though it was rightfully true. I never liked it but hearing him say it made me smile and feel certain that everything was going smoothly.

"Whats your passion?"

Seok Jin  hummed nodding at the question. He seemed intrigued n=by my question as he put some thought into it. I normally asked the guys who my parents forced me to date this question and they always answer with the same materialistic answer. Anything that comes from money

"I suppose food and cooking brings me the most passion. Sure i like clothes but cooking is where i usually get lost in my own universe. It brings me a certain amount of join nothing else can. In fact i made some of the dishes here tonight."

I raised my eyes at his answer surprised by it before covering my surprise. I nodded along asking him if i would try on of his dishes. He cut a piece of the steak as it oozed with its Delicious juices. He picked up the piece with his fork as he guided it to my mouth. I was hesitant at first before he looked at me nodding that it was okay. I slightly leaned into the chair to reach the savery flavor. I hummed as my taste buds danced at the flavoring. He looked at me with curious eyes before asking me how it was.

"How does it taste? Is it okay?"

"Okay are you serious, this is absolutely splendid."

"I can tell as the juicy is dripping down your chin."

I quickly grab a napkin trying to wipe it away before his hand touches the side of my lip taking away the dripple. He quickly brought his thumb to his lip running his tongue along his thumb collecting the juices. I certainly saw it as a sexual innuendo me being myself but remained tamed. He surely was hot and i could feel myself getting slightly even more attracted to his aroma.

"Now i suppose its only right if you tell me your passion."

I opened my mouth to go on about what impassioned me before i was cut off. The lights dimmed signalling that my sister and her soon to be husband. They each talked about another person individually. It had been the grooms turn to speak as he went on about his relatives before he pointed out seokjin. I looked at them with wild eyes before connecting the dots that they were brothers. It had all made since now, they were possibly the richest among the kingdoms. Im sure he would be getting married soon as well to share the richest making my heart slightly ping.

Finally it was my sisters turn making me groan in my seat. Seok Jin  looked at me with curious eyes before they reverted back to normal as my sister landed on me. She went on about how much a caring person i was and it was sweet to saw the least even though she was forcing it put of her. It was everything i didnt expect till she reached the end.

"- You are such a caring person that i dont want to see you slip in such a bad state. We all noticed how bad your aggression and drinking is and we all just want to be here for your healing."

"Do you really have to bring up this unrealistic situation to life?Cut the act i know you dont care about me or the choices i make, so please leave it alone."

She had began to get teary eyed as she approached my table. I rubbed my eyes growing tired of the problem at hand. There were many exits as i was planning my escape before i felt her place her head and hands on my lap as if she was  asking for forgiveness.

"Sister i am only trying to help."

her voice spoke rather different from her eyes. They read something along the lines of 'you better go along with this to make me look like semi a goof person'. She really was going along with the act and people seemed to feed into it. I was far down with the conversation being displayed so publicly between us as i pushed her off of me and made my exit. Before i left i looked at Seok Jin  who stilled held a curious gaze making me wonder. I had definitely blew it with him. He new the truth that i wasn't some person who keeps things classy and well presented. I was far from that and i knew he wouldnt be able to handle it.

I had been on the roof looking through my telescope. It had been the only thing i had actually out so much money into. It was something i valued and didnt throw away after a day of usage. It was a certain way of escaping certain problems like the ones i ever so created with my sister.  looked through the telescope letting out a small breathe trying not to let the thouhts get to me. Suddenly a noise breaks me from my thoughts.

I take my eyes off of the telescope being faced with Seok Jin  who held his hands in his pocket with a saddened look on his face. I turn my body back to the stars looking out hopping he would take the hint and leave. Of course he didn't as he sat right next to me eyeing my face. I turned my head to examine him as well since he obviously wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Well, what has brought you here?"

"Of course i couldnt leave you after the chaos that just happened."

"You wouldn't leave me?"

"I would never leave you."

Seok Jin  ruffled my hair smiling down at me. We hadnt even known each other for a select amount of time yet he was already making promises. I guess that was the perks of being apart of the kingdom. We made promises to bond two kingdoms together creating one but instead of kingdoms our hearts were conjoining in a matter of time.

"Well, what if it was true? That i did have some unwanted problems?"

I never really opened up about something that damaged me to anyone. I usually kept it bottled up making it another reason why my aggression became a problem. I only ever got in such a state when i was around my sister as she fueled it with her uptight ways. I was always around her persevering it as a problem that needed to be stopped. Maybe it was the possible still lurking alcohol that made me say something to him about this. Just thinking about alcohol made me sick and set me in realization.

"If im being honest i rather have a person who is filled with unwanted problems and flaws rather than being perfect. I would like to be the person you tell your worries to rather than we talk about how perfect everything is going. If we did that then we wouldn't know each other well. Now trust me im not perfect either I struggle with my own problems that i will so graciously share with you in spite you wont judge me. Were human even if we have the royal title on our shoulders. Were aloud to fuck up."

I chuckled at the use of his curse. He surely seemed perfect by the way he carried himself but his preposition of not being so made me feel slightly confident. I truly did want to stop the aggression i held and something told me that he could possibly help that rightfully so.

"So before any of this happened i believe you were supposed to answer a question. Whats your passion?"

I looked at the stars before directing my attention to the telescope before guiding him to the gadget. He ran his hands around it cursorily making sure to get some what of an understanding of it. I giggled slightly at his curiosity making him playfully push me as we laughed. It was nice to not care about what was going on in the moment.

"Let me show you. Saturn's beautiful from this view point."

I looked through the telescope ushering him to look through it. He seemed hesitant at first before he looked through the telescope with his mouth agape. He held onto the telescope with all his might as his gaze lied on the beautiful planet.

He stepped away from the telescope still keeping his amazed face. shook his shoulders trying to knock him out of his trance. It was true the view was truly amazing and i was honored that he thought of it the same way i did. I was amazed by the different planets and places to explore and im sure he was too.

"So tell me more about this passion. How did it start?"

We were seated on the roof as our legs dangled on the ends of it. It was slightly dangerous but we had each other to rely on. I tapped my hand on the ground trying to accumulate an answer. I had many different reasons but couldn't pinpoint just one.

"Well, i suppose its just that when you live in a kingdom all you ever group up around is just that kingdom. I would like to know what lies beyond he kingdom and far more."

My voice began wavering as i questioned down to the end of my sentence. I never really talked about it to anyone making me back down slightly but still open up as it was something that i admired. It was a sure that he admired it to but it seemed as if he admired something else as well. He had been managing to stare at me for the reminder of time as i went on about myself. I met his gaze as he quickly looked away now gazing at the village that held the market and small children running around.

"I understand, most days i want to leave the castle and roam the village. Just dress up and pretend im not me."

"Surprisingly enough ive never been to the village."

Seok Jin displayed his infamous agape mouth surprised by my comment. Surely enough the talk about escaping I would have at least gone somewhere out of the castle. Seok Jin  so sagaciously decided that it was going to change as he guided us up from our sitting position and began leading us off the roof before i stopped him.

" Seok Jin i dont know about this?"

"What can you not be sure of, this is practically your dream."

"I dont know you all to well."

It had been an excuse and Seok Jin  had been aware of that. None of the less he went along with it instead of arguing with it. He must have liked me whether it be friend or not he had some sort of soft spot for me as i did for him.

"Hello my name is Kim Seok Jin but i prefer people who know me well enough to call me Jin. I loving cooking with a burning passion, my favorite color is pink, Ive never gotten a gift for valentines day and i try to make my mother proud in ever sense that i can make. This is the real Jin or seokjin instead of the one played in front of the citizens of my kingdom."

It certain was alot to take in but i took it in a listened to him. I knew him rather well already but the additional information made things more comfortable. I didnt need to reassurance to go to the village with him i was just shared of making my dreams turn into reality. I felt slightly safe when i was with him making me agree to the terms.

"Okay ill go with you Jin."

I grabbed onto his hand as he smiled down at me of the usage of the nickname. We made our way to the village and managed to semi disguise ourselves. We strolled along the village hand in hand. Jin had known some of the locals as he chatted with them and introduced me to them.We had run along a bakery that held the softest of bread as Jin proceeded to by it and kept walking as we ate the bread. We came along small children who were passing a ball around as Jin joined them but played horribly as i stood there and laughed. To make Jin feel better about himself we went and stopped by a small pond and feed the ducks the rest of out bread.

"What did you think of the village."

"I thought it was absolutely lovely and it helped having such a nice guide such as yourself."

Jin pulled me into a tight embrace as we were seated on the ground backs laying against a tree. He rested his chin on my shoulder as my gaze was set on the pond while his was set on me. I turned my head to met his gaze and this time he didn't look away but accepted the gaze.

"It certainly was much lovelier that you were on the journey this time around."

"How so."

"Because you are equally if not more as lovely from the whole experience combined."

I felt my eyes soften as i smiled lightly. I had never felt this feeling before. Usually when i was in the presence of a boy i was being thrown into marrying them and never ended up doing so as i never felt anything. However with Jin everything felt different but very wanted. I wanted to feel something that i hadnt experienced with him or anyone before.

Jin focused his gaze on my lips as i did with mine till them collide together. We kissed as the sun raise wandered around our skin and the pond water glistened with the sun. It was a perfect setting along with the perfect moment recurring. I had felt an overwhelming amount of happiness as i felt out kiss molding together not letting the worlds problems affect us. We were happy in each others arms and we weren't hurting anyone by doing so. I felt something with him that i hadnt felt with anyone and i aimed for no one to take that away.

I had been pacing around my room happily as i told Mary the details of the event. There was no hiding as i had a smile on my face for a whole week until she finally asked me why i had been so happy. Even my mother and sister were surprised by the mood change but came to the conclusion that i had gotten my act together for the wedding. They were far wrong.

Mary had been carefully placing my night wear on my bed as i pranced around my room in my underwear going on about how amazing Jin was. She seemed happy for me as she giggled and listened intensely to my admiration. Mary always loved tales about love and even found her own when she was slightly younger. She was happy when she found out about mine and supported me though out thick and thin.

"Im proud of you Y/N you certain deserve so."

I smiled at her graciously as u couldn't find the words anymore as i talked about him so much. I had already gained a soft spot for him.

"I wish he would have grabbed my ass or something."

"Take what you get and dont complain. Im sure if your sister found out about this she would lose her damn mind."

She did have a point. I never thought about my sister in this situation. She was soon to be marrying Jins brother making the whole order deal ever so worst. I hated how it had to be this way but i was happy and i had to be selfish in this situation. I had actually grown a sort of love for Jin as she hasnt spoken a single word to her future husband. I deserved the love and care anyone else did but i didnt have the rings she did. However i didnt want that, i wanted the love.

"No matter what im rooting for you two."

I smiled at marry knowing she had a soft spot for me and would stick up for me opinion and thoughts. A knock from the window brought us out of our thoughts as our gaze shifted to it.Marry smirked at me signaling that it was Jin as she began getting on her way. I hadnt wanted to give my hopes up and it not been him. It had already been a week since ive seen him making my hopeful state drop all until i opened the window. Their lied Jin struggling to hold onto the window. I laughed lightly dragging him in by the hand as he helped himself into my room.

He had a backpack on his back as he looked around my room. It had felt so surreal seeing him in a week prior. I had missed him so much and his kiss that i hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Now that he lied here all real it was overwhelming.

"I uh- made you these cookies as an apologize for not seeing your presence in such a long time. They may be kind of squished since i fell the first time i tried to climb up the window."

I cooed at him asking if he was okay as he smiled and pulled the home made cookies from his backpack. I held the baggie of cookies seeing the occasional squished cookie before sinking my teeth into one of them. Jin was an incredible cook and i hadnt known if he was aware of it but he certainly was amazing if he knew it or not.

"Um not that i mind but um i cant help but notice that you are missing some clothing items."

I looked down and noticed that in fact i  wasnt wearing anything besides my bra and panties. I looked up at Jin who seemingly was looking at my breast poking out of my bra. I chuckled at him as he held his gaze before i said his names multiple times breaking him from his trance.

"Jin have you ever had sex before?"

It had been a bold statement but i had been curious and by the look on his face he hadnt. I had been shocked as he was fairly handsome and he could have any female he wanted. Usually what his kingdom did was introduce him to a women and if he thought she was the right women fit for the kingdom they would combine kingdoms but Jin never was able to do so as his brother took over. Sure enough he should have at least had a female contact besides mine but he didnt. He was pure and innocent.

"Its just that i had never meet a girl that i was willing to give such thing up to. Well until i met you. I see sex as something as combining two souls as one and should only be secret and i uh- I only want to do that with you."

He had been nervous i could tell but his statement was surely cute and made up for it. I still found it adorable as he was nervous and his eyes still wandered my semi bare skin. I could tell he wanted to touch me but didnt want to over step his boundary but decided to take my own action.

I stepped closer to him as our chest touched one another. He inhaled a deep breathe as my hand slithered around the nape of his neck. I brought our lips together humming as our lips collide toghter. I could tell he was still slightly stiff, i guided his hands to my ass to make him feel slightly less tense. He perked up at the feeling soon adding his tongue into my mouth making me second guess him as someone who didnt know what he was doing.

"I didnt know the princess was naughty."

"Only for you Jin."

Jin slightly growled at my words picking me up from my ass and placing me on the bed as he got in between my legs. He took off his shirt giving me a full view of his bare chest before he kissed me again.

"Were going to have to make this quick as my brother and your sister are downstairs attempting dinner."

I hummed not minding it much as i was lost in his lips. He quickly took off his pants and underwear as i took off mine. When we finished doing so we looked at each other in amazement. Jin was surely big and there was no denying it. We were soaking in the feeling of each other naked state before we took action.

Jins whole persona died down as he didnt know what to do as i took place. I laid him down as i positioned myself on top of him. Excitement held in his eyes as he was going to riddle his virginity. I was so adorable seeing him excited for the moment to take place. I slowly positioned myself on his cock as we both let out a moan his being louder than mine.

I began to slowly rock my hips throwing my head back in pure bliss. I had managed to let out a few small moans enjoying the serenity. As for Jin he wasnt afraid to hold back his moans. He grabbed onto my waist tightly to the point of his knuckles turning white. He took notice of my none vocal action as he tried to silence his while he bite his lip.

I hadnt liked his none vocal so i decided to encourage it. I began to bounce up and down making him let out a very vocal moan making me smirk and moan along.

"Ah fuck,princess you have no idea how fucking tight your pussy feels."

For a prince he certainly had a dirty mouth but it was defiantly a turn on especially this being his first time. I guided his hands to my boobs as they began to bounce due to the potion. He squeezed onto them while i moaned at the overwhelming feeling commencing over me. Jin must have been approaching as well as he came undo as i followed a few seconds later.

I positioned myself off of him only for him to bring me in for a warm embrace and kissing me tenderly. He groggily said how he had to go down stiars and explain why he was so late making me smile lazily.

I directed him back the the window giving him a light kiss and how i wished we could have had more time. It was his first time after all it should have been special, however he didnt care.

"As long as it was with you, ill be fine."

I smiled gratefully kissing him once more as he left.

I quickly put my clothes on about to go out the door to go downstairs before i was met with my sisters face.

"I can not stand that fucking jack ass. Who the hell does he think he is?"

She marched into my room making me quiver slightly afraid of what she might pick up on. Luckily narcissistic possess her and she doesnt take notice of most things that doesnt involve her. She sat on my bed pulling at her hair as she went on and on about her future husband and how tortuous he was. It was terrible for her but however for me it had been a delight. Maybe there was a future for me and Jin so whatever i had to do i was going to push to it.

"Well then perhaps you should just end the marriage and just sign a contract to join the two kingdoms."

"I suppose you're right."

She stood up before hugging me surprisingly. Most likely due to mother telling her to show more affection to me wither than fighting. She slowly backed away slightly disgusted.

"You small of sweat and warm body. Thats fucking disgusting, i cant believe i even hugged you."

The moment was surely ruined but i was glad that she didnt pick up on anything. I was aiming to make her stop the marriage being held between the two. It was definitely selfish but sometimes in life thats what it calls for. I believed that Jin would enhance my life and i wanted him to be apart of my life. My sister never thought about this with her future husband so why should she get what i wanted, a commitment. For once i deserved something and i wasnt going to argue over it as it was rightfully mine.

We had been seated at the dinner table eating as Jin was seated right next to me. We had managed the occasional conversation as his hand stayed put on my thigh. I had enjoyed the simple feeling as his touch filled a warm fire in me. My sister was sitting directly in front of us with her future husband as my parents sat at the end of the table.

"Kim Seok Jin  your brother told me that you prepared some of this meal?"

Jin cleared his throat and nodded his head. He went on about how much he loved cooking as i looked at him lovingly. I admired how he talked about cooking as if it was his love and in a way it was. It was his passion and it was attractive to see that he loved it so. His hand on my thigh tightened as he looked my way as he finished his sentence sending me a smile.

"Jin cooks beautifully."

"I wouldn't say that much. I cook average, enough to fill a empty stomach."

I weaved off Jins comment not taking that as an answer. He knew he was great at it and if he wasnt a prince that would be his future. He as brilliant when it came to the ingredients and used them precisely. He put extra work into it and thats what people did when they were drive on passion as Jin was.

"Jin?"

"Yes, thats what i often preferred to be called."

Jin waved off my sisters comment choosing not to dive into it. I honestly didnt either she already had a big enough head and the more she feed into things the bigger it got. She wasnt in the situation at hand yet she sneaked her way into it. In knew she began making false accusations and was going to find any mean to stop whatever was going on. It slightly scared me she had this power but i aimed to attempt to do my best to fight back.

"Husband and Jin could you go to the kitchen to grab desert."

My sister smiled polity at Jin and her husband attempting to seem sweet. However i could see right past her smile but felt reassured as Jin squished my thigh giving me a quick glance and leaving for the kitchen. My gaze shifted back to my sister who held a fiery gaze. She seemed pissed and her eyes read as if she caught me in the act of doing something i wasnt.

I ignored her glare as i went back to finishing my food as did our parents however her glare stayed. She seemed to get angrier as the attention wasnt on her. This simple thing could construct hell but i didnt pay her attention as she didnt deserve it. She wanted to cause a scene for no apparent reason.

"I know you are fucking my husbands brother. How dare you do such a thing."

That was sure enough to bring everyones eyes on her, just as she intended. I had my eyes drifted into her cold glare as if she was disowning me due to my behavior. I admit what i did was wrong but nothing to cause a scene over our parents who appear like a dear in headlights. Everything was sudden and uncalled for.

"Its like you like him you were just talking to me a few minutes ago how much a piece of shit he is."

"Yeah well we talked it out. So that doesnt give you permission to fuck his brother."

"What kind of argument can be solved in tat amount of time. You literally talked about him being a piece of shit and contemplating the marriage. You just dont want to see me happy with anyone and you will stop it. All you want to be is the center of attention and if takes you to get married to have this happen then youll do it. Heartless witch."

"Well this heartless witch is getting everything she deserves while you sulk around. Love is over rated and doesnt exist in a world like this."

I opened my mouth to say something else before my mother cut me off. She waved her hands in he air signalling to end the conversation. She went on about how childish we were being and disciplined both of us. All but of course to turn back to me and have her discuss my life choices and how it would affect people around me.

"Y/N did you really preform such act on him?"

"Mother im sorry but i cant ans-"

"Answer the question."

"Mother, he makes me happy. Ive quiet drinking becuas eo fhim, he made me realize the true meaning of life. He made me find my passion and fall for it all over again all while falling for him."

It was true he did make me happy and change certain aspects  around me. I began to quit drinking all together just by his mere presence in my life. He made me find the purpose in life and aimed for the best of his abilities. He made me happy and made life worth living. I truly had fallen for him but my mother didnt seem to care all that much as her face still held a hard exterior.

"You did not answer the question."

"Yes, I did."

I had known there was no way of getting out of this but i tried to make her see the light. She proceeded to scream at me telling me how much of a terrible sister and person i was to preform such acts. I felt slightly guilty but couldn't feel it much as i was completely in love with Jin. It felt odd attempting it in the mist of wht was happening but i couldnt handle what was being thrown at me.

"I think its safe if you stayed away from Seok Jin  during the wedding and other times you interact."

I had completely been shocked by my mothers words. I had just discovered my true love for Jin and now i was supposed to kill the feeling all together. I hated how she got her way but however the situation was never meant to happen making everything worst. I never intended sleeping with my sisters husbands bother but it played out that way.

"But I cant please, father please do something."

I looked at my father with pleading eyes only for him to grab the wine and chugged it in one sitting. He always did that with mom to get out of conversation and the fact that he was doing that to me hit a new low. I had realized how the kingdom was being ruined by a family that had not had there own shit together to run a whole village. We couldn't keep our lives together how could we keep other people together. Maybe it was me who was jst falling apart, the castle provided a welcoming feel but always winded up being a nightmare. Most times i wish i could disappear and be eliminated from the situation.

I had managed to avoid Jin everywhere i went. He had showed up at my window later that night only for me to shoe him away and deny his presence. He didnt stop there as he found me later that week in the village attempting to spark a conversation resulting in me finding an excuse to leave before things enhanced. Now it lead to the wedding, i figured he had found a clue and got the hint to stray away from me but here i was standing in the girls bathroom yet again because of him.

"Im not leaving until you explain why you dont want to be associated with me."

"I told you, i just dont have that attraction for you anymore."

I had used this excuses every time Jin had asked me about the situation i told him that. He bliveed it at first till he started second guessing himself an coming to his senses to ask me the real reason. I never caved into his question no matter how much i wanted to speak the truth but decided to keep it quiet. He knew i didnt mean it and didnt want to accept that i would do something like that.

"Thats not going to work on me anymore, I need you to be honest with me."

I hung my head low to ashamed that i was following my parents rules against love. They had been so out of love for a long amount of time that they didnt see the pain they were causing me.

"I remember when i first met me you told me you adored the universe. Do you belive in the big band theroy."

I nodded not sure where this was heading in a certain direction.

"Well the theory states that the stars and or planets were concentrated into a tiny point as everything began to grow rapidly. It kind of like us in a way we started from something small to something bigger than expected and i would give anything to be apart of your universe. Please Y/N I love you."

I hadnt known what to say he had confessed his love for me and there was no doubt i loved him too. It couldnt be this way however as it didnt work out for us. It was possibly for the best but as i feel his lips on mine i cant help but side track. The kiss was savory and something i had missed and couldnt get enough of which scared me. I was becoming addicted to him, he was my alcohol and all the bad things combined but in a good form. I loved him but i had to let him go. I broke the kiss uttering a final word before i left.

"Im sorry Seok Jin ."

I had been in the front of the isle attempting to keep myself together. I had been a mess since the altercation with my father by my side. We were watching my sister and her husband go through with here vows. The sudden voices turned to quiet whispers as i bean thinking what i had done with my relationship with jin. I had ruined everything just because people didnt agree. My sister was only getting married for the kingdom to become conjoined. She got everything she ever dreamed of and i deserve something that i craved for. By now i had been tearing up enough for my father to notice he turned in his seat to eye me up and down.

"Sweetheart are you crying because of your sisters wedding?"

"Uh, yeah its um beautiful."

I felt my words stumble and my heart begin to tighten due to all the lying i had to do. I couldnt take it anymore making more tears come from my yes. My father was not stupid he knew the real reason i was crying however he didnt want to act on it. He always saw a problem before it started but never said anything about it so he couldn't get involved. His face seemed to show a sort of sadness as he looked at my state, it was strange as i never seen him act this way.

"You really have feelings for the kid dont you?"

I didnt take me to answer him for him to already know the answer. He let out a quiet huff before fumbling under his breath. He gradually stood up before clearing his throat. Everyone's attention drew to him including mines.

"I pronounces the wedding to be canceled under certain circumstances i cant sight to the public."

I was shocked by his jester as were other people one being my sisters. Her mouth held smacked open as her eyes held an angry stare. My father had not been one to get involved with our family problems let alone any problems. He was sticking up for me and more so himself. He hasn't made any contribution to our family besides sitting down and listening to the problems as he held the other citizens weight on his shoulder. Now he was stepping up to put his family first.

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

"I am shutting everything down. I can not go through with this."

"You cant do that!"

"Oh but he can. It sates her in the book that he can just sign an agreement to conjoin the two kingdoms instead of going through put the marriage."

The priest spoke as he cited evidence at the book nodding his head at my father. My father clapped his hands letting out a breath before looking at me with a light smile. It made me happy that my own father was willing to ruin his other daughters marriage to make me happy. The scene was slightly overwhelming but he came over it only for my sister to bite back.

"What about the money and all the investing we did? We still have alot of money left over what are we going to do with that?"

I stood up besides my father raising my hand deciding to put in my input.

"I have an idea."

"Jin its fine just fine im not kidnapping you."

I had been guiding Jin to this secret place i had been working on with my father and other family members. Jin and I had managed to work things out as the marriage stumbled down and we began to Flemish. Overall we were fine and happy.

We had reached the destination i had wanted to take him as i took off his blind fold and showed him the scene. It was a quiet bakery that was freshly built that read Jins bakery.

Jin turned around and looked at me with an unbelievable glance. He was surprised by the sudden build I had been creating that he didn't know that this even existed. He definitely still appreciated it as he spins me in his arms kissing you multiple times. He was opened about his affection for you and you felt like you deserved to give it back. He changed your life for the better even if my sister still had some hostility for me. i still knew Jin had my back through the whole thing.

"I very much appreciate the store but wouldn't 'Jin and Y/N's bakery but much better suited?"

I cooed at him for actually thinking about me and my efforts but i had my own passion. I still loved the stars and things that roamed beyond the kingdom. I pictured me and Jin getting out of the lifestyle we grown up in of the kingdom but for now on a small bakery living slightly normal was all set for the both of us. We were both living our passions day by day and i couldn't do it with anyone else.

I had to go through a small hell to be with the one person i cared about most but it was all worth it in the end for he is my true passion and i rather die than live without any passion.

Side note: Totally stole that quote from Jungkook

[eludum-a]

500 follower follow forever!

it happened. god knows why so many of you are here, but apparently you like what i do, so... well, thank you! to everyone! but this is a very informal follow forever meant specifically for people i speak to regularly/people i consider my friends/people i feel i owe something to. i haven’t done anything like this since the 100 follower mark, so please bear with me. 

i felt like i needed to do this because, in the wise words of taako the wizard, “it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo. i’m traveling around with the boner squad and i never get to say... what i’m feeling! i have emotions!”

if you’re not here, please don’t feel like i don’t appreciate you! i only have the energy for so much love here in my body. if you’ve been inactive/are on hiatus, i might have missed you, and if we haven’t really talked a lot ooc, same thing applies.

(i have been working on this on and off for weeks. im so tired pls just let me be finished with it)

anyway, call outs below the cut!

@unsuspicious: cou, you send me so many baffling and strange images at all hours of the day. i had to lead up with this because where do you even get all those. anyway, you’re definitely the person i talk to the most every day, and it’s weird as shit to think that the last thing in tumblr messenger was me sending you the link to the discord channel. you’re a fantastic roleplayer when you actually roleplay and you’re fun to have around!

@hismalice: raz you are one of my favorite people on this god forsaken hell site and don’t ever forget that. if you need a reminder you can come back here and look at this and see this seal of approval, and also the mental image of me saying “no, fuck you” to your negative thoughts and then punching them in the face heaven slaying dragon fist style. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me and it’s also ok if you don’t want to!! i’ll still be here regardless.

@cantalazarus: god bless the hinatatas, may they grow strong and powerful this year. amen. on a more real note: this is my official notice that i really appreciate you just... in general, as a person, even if im an asshole who has trouble with, like, Feelings and shit. so there’s that. same as with raz above, you obviously know where to find me whenever you wanna talk. and take as long as you need to recharge your batteries!! no rush

@mxssias: ALEX MY MAN... BOY... GUY! DUDE, PAL, WHATEVER. your naegi is LIT. i love the good good egg boy so much and you do him justice!! you don’t just focus on the lighter aspects of his character, but you recognize his various struggles as well! you’re also just a fun person to talk to and i’d love to do more naenami in the future of COURSE

@ayatsurii the sparkliest of cats! yo, sparkle, thank u for turning me on to pekonami because it’s so good and pure, and thank you also for trying to keep things from burning down in the chat when we get too rowdy (even if you’re not successful... we can’t be tamed). i look forward to future pekonami interactions!

@snappshot: sarah is wonderful at everything she does, sorry i dont make the rules. you’ve been around this blog for what feels like forever now?? first as mahiru (and your mahiru rly captured my heart) but also sayaka and kaede and your persona muses are equally wonderful! idk what i’d have done if you weren’t there to reassure me i was doing a good job. god bless sarah

@anemoia-avenoir / @ongakuvoices: rrrrrrrrIO! you’re lovely and you should know it. i know we don’t really talk much ooc but you definitely deserved a spot in here! your passion for your muses is incredible! your love for them shows in the details of your writing, and i know it can be frustrating sometimes to feel like you’re not good enough (believe me... i have been there many times), but believe me... you’re gonna do amazing things, i just know it.

@malchancevilain YOU STILL OWE ME 15 DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT, GREG GRIMALDIS. NO MATTER WHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE YOU ARE. ahem. we share a lot of common interests, watchy, and i really do love your luckgami, like, a lot. i love how different his background is without changing who he is fundamentally as a person, aka a snob

@shpionaz: *insert obligatory ‘like a boss’ joke here* ok now that we’ve gotten that over with,,, im so grateful i got a chance to play out the oumanami brotp interactions with you because that was on my wishlist almost as soon as i found out about their sprite similarities and we didn’t even have to try, it just happened. you’re first ouma in my heart forever and i can’t wait to do some things with your oc too!!

@gambogeish: it’s kind of ironic how i didn’t finish twewy until we became friends, when it was first gifted to me by my boyfriend... it’s probably just the difference in maturity/gaming ability from then to now, but ANYWAY: i am so glad to have met you. you’re one of the first people in the community i’ve really connected with, and you’re an awesome person who i’d love to roleplay with regardless of muse. i’ve got a virtual high five right here waiting for you. o/

@pseudxcode syd, god bless your chihiro, honestly. he’s such a sweet little guy and i love his interactions with chiaki! of course i’ve always been a fan of these two together (even when she’s NOT an AI created by him), because their talents complement each other so well! they’re good for each other. i’d love to see more chiaki & chihiro action, especially if it involves chiaki encouraging him and reassuring him that he’s not as weak as he thinks he is.

@kibcu / @krclowa we only recently started talking but you’re such a welcome addition to thotchat, liz! take that as you will. this one’s probably gonna be a bit short but im looking forward to platonic naenami interactions and ur sonia too! aunty nanami’s gonna babysit the hell out of those naegi kids (aka give them all smartphones and sit back and relax)

@synthxsizxr GOOD IDOL, BEST SISTER, AKI LOVES HER HARU even if she really doesnt understand the idol lifestyle like, at all. chi, you yourself are very sweet and kind, it’s wonderful having you here in this community! i hope you’re having a lot of fun with your talentswap chiaki and i hope 

@relixum / @lxckyclovers: i hope you two don’t mind that i put you together here. i know you’ve been busy with school lately (good luck with that, by the way!!) but i didn’t want you to think i forgot about you! you guys make a mom/dad/parental unit so proud. you’re wonderful writers and i hope you find happiness wherever you go. *bob belcher voice* you’re my family and i love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible.

@tcndcrloins levi you’re the other constant presence in thotchat and you’re such a fun person to have around. you’re so welcoming and comfortable in a sense that i never feel like i’m bothering you, and thats a pretty incredibly accomplishment considering how often i convince myself im annoying. get those drafts done, i believe in you!!

@delinqueon avery, you were probably the first person within the community i talked to one on one, and thank god you approached me because at that point i never would have had the courage to speak up! your leon is such a delight to interact with and so are your other characters. one day you’ll get me back for making you read the bee movie script out loud for fifteen minutes.... one day

@betraycd last but not least, first i have to thank fin for my current editing software that i still have yet to figure out even 10% of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but i’ll get there! fin, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i absolutely adore your souda, all of the time and effort you’ve put into his characterization and how you don’t ignore the uglier parts of his personality. he’s a lovely flawed boy and you really do him justice!

after word:

like any community with more than a few people, there have been ups and downs in the path few months. i wanted to add here as a general shout out that i have never felt so welcome and loved in a community that i originally would have thought would be more disjointed than what you might find on a forum. like, i’ve changed a lot thanks to you guys! i’ve been able to get over some of the hurdles of my social anxiety (i didnt jump over them so much as drag myself across the ground and painfully crawl over them) and i just... i feel good? i feel like people like me? there are still times where my anxiety insists i’m nothing but a useless burden, but i actually... feel like people enjoy having me around? holy shit!

i made some really cool new friends and got to know a different kind of roleplay community. im overall incredibly grateful for this wild and weird journey i’ve been on, and the journey certainly isn’t over by any means! i hope to keep seeing you guys around!

these words really arent even enough to express my gratitude. i havent been to some really dark places, but there for a while i felt like i was almost completely alone. i simply wasn’t connecting with other people like i wanted to. about 3-4 years ago i lost contact with (long story) my roleplay partners of 4 years and it wasn’t an easy thing to recover from, but i’m here now and it’s just... really good! incredible, even!

komussy

[chaoticghost21]

Props & Mayhem; Chapter Fifteen

Justin woke up, Alex was still asleep. He held the boy close as he remembered the events from the night before. He kissed his forehead and swore to protect him, no matter what he would always protect this boy. He hoped that Monty felt bad about what he did. What he didn’t know at the time was that the other boy hated himself for the things he said.

“God why the fuck did i say all of that? To the both of them! What was i literally thinking” Monty said.

Alex started to wake up, Justin instantly making him take the pain relievers and drink the water. “How ya feeling?” he asked the boy.

“You said it yourself last night. You were drunk and you’re an asshole,” Jeff stated.

“Fuck still! I shouldn't have said any of that. I have to apologize Jeff.”

Alex whined softly, nuzzling into him “my head hurts…”

“Yeah, it will, you drank a lot, more than me actually.”

“Yes, yes you do,” Jeff said, not feeling bad for the hungover boy at all.

“I know” Alex mumbles, nuzzling into Justin.

“Can we go over there or something?”

“It’ll feel better soon baby,” Justin kissed his forehead, “I promise.”

“Yeah, they might appreciate it if you did it in person.”

“I remember what happened last night” Alex mumbled

“Let's go then.” Monty says, standing up.

“I’m sorry baby.”

Jeff nodded and started walking out, not hiding the fact that he was still mad at the boy.

Alex shrugs a little, closing his eyes “i mean. He was right. I can barely handle eating too much. How am i supposed to handle alcohol”

Monty pouts, following him “babeeee why aren't you talking to me?”

“He can’t handle alcohol either, it’s not your fault. I honestly think you handled it better than he did. You’re working on the food, you’re doing amazing baby.”

“I’m still a little pissed at you.”

Alex shrugs a little “not really. I can barely eat 10 bites without feeling sick”

Monty pouts “at least i'm apologizing.”

“Baby, you’re working on it, you will get better, I promise.”

“I know and I’m proud of you for that.”

“Then why are you mad at meeee” Monty pouts

Alex shrugs “i guess, i dunno”

“You are, Alex. You are getting better.”

“Because you still did it!”

“Not by much.” Alex mumbles.

“I said sorry!”

“It will take time baby, you’re getting there but it will take time.”

“Montgomery, when are you going to realize that sorry doesn’t automatically fix things. I know you said you were sorry but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be mad at you just like it means that Alex and Justin don’t have to forgive you.”

Alex nods a little “okay..” he says softly

“I know i fucked up okay? I was drunk and i'm an asshole.”

“I love you baby,” Justin said softly.

“I know. I’m glad that you realize what you did but as I said, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m mad at you.”

“I love you too” Alex says, leaning into him

“Yeah. I know.”

Justin wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close.

Jeff nodded, “let's go.”

Alex hums softly nuzzling into him.

Monty nods and follows.

Justin kissed his head, “how's the cut on your head feel today?”

Jeff walked out of their apartment, going to a bus to take them to the apartment complex across town, where Alex and Justin live.

“Hurts a little” Alex mumbles.

Monty follows close behind him.

“Not too sore today?”

They got on the bus when it arrived.

Alex shrugs a little “m used to it” he mumbles quietly.

Monty sighs, sitting next to Jeff on the bus.

Justin sighed, “I wish you weren't; pain isn't a good thing to get used to. You shouldn't have to be used to it however I understand.”

They got to their destination a silent half hour later. Jeff not saying anything the entire ride.

“I mean. It's my fault” Alex says, pulling on his sweater sleeve.

“Can you at least say something?” Monty says.

“How is this in anyway your fault?”

“What is there to say?” Jeff asked.

“That i'm used to pain. It's my fault.” Alex says.

“Something. Anything. I don't care just something.”

“It is not your fault. You do not deserve any of this.”

“There is nothing to say.”

“You don't understand” Alex sighs

“Jesus i don't care if you fucking yell at me just say something.”

“Then make me understand.”

Jeff sighed and put one of his arms around Monty, pulling the boy closer. “I may be mad at you but I'm not going to yell at you.”

Alex bit his lip, tugging up his sleeve, showing cuts on his arm “this. This is why i'm used to pain.”

Monty leaned on his shoulder “you should.”

“No. No, why? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“No. Yelling doesn't solve anything, it only brings fear.”

Alex shrugs a little “it started after that one night. After...that happened. Then i started thinking and yeah” he mumbles “i used to do it a lot in high school too.”

“Still” Monty says “you should yell at me. I deserve it.”

Justin nodded, “back in high school, middle school even, I always thought about doing it but I was always too scared. I understand why you do it but can you  please try to stop?”

Jeff kissed his head, “I'm not going to yell at you.”

“I dunno.” Alex mumbles “it's kinda an on and off thing. Since i was old enough to know what it was, so probably around 12. I stop for awhile, then something happens and i panic and then i do it again, everyday, for awhile. It's a cycle.”

Monty sighs softly and nods “fine.”

“I can get help you, if you'd let me. I don't want to lose you.”

“Come on, we're at the right stop,” Jeff said, standing up.

“If you want to” Alex says softly “i don't want to force you to help me if you don't want to.”

Monty nods and stands up “let's go then.”

“Of course I want to help you! You are everything to me. The only thing I have. I can't lose you. I can't lose my world.”

Jeff led him off the bus and they started trekking down the street.

“You won't lose me Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't get that far. You won't lose me.”

Monty sighs softly “what am i supposed to say?”

“Promise?”

“You apologize. That's all you can do, you tell the truth about whether you meant it or not. You say why you said it. Whether they forgive you or not is a different subject entirely.”.”

Alex nods “i promise. You aren't going to lose me.”

Monty nods “yeah.” He says softly “okay.”

Justin nodded and kissed him.

“I know you're afraid and don't even try to deny it. You've been friends with Justin since freshman year and you've known Alex since sophomore year. You will be fine, you can talk to them. I will be by you the entire time,” Jeff said as they reached the building.

Alex smiles slightly and kisses back.

“I'm not scared” Monty says,

“I love you so much.”

“I know you better than that. I can tell you're scared by the way your shaking and talking. It's obvious. You need to stop trying to hide every emotion that's not anger. That's not healthy, didn't your counselor talk about that?”

“I love you too jus”

“Yeah...im working on it okay? It's harder than it seems.”

Justin smiled, the two boys lying together.

“I know baby. Just be yourself, not the asshole persona you always have around everyone but me. Be the you that your mom knows.”

Alex cuddles into him, humming softly.

“I'll try” Monty says.

Justin smiled as he picked at a loose string.

“Good because that's the you they need to see when you apologize,” Jeff said as they approached the apartment door.

Alex hums softly, playing with justin's hair.

Monty nods and follows “okay.”

Jeff knocked on the door.

Justin groaned and got up, looking for pants.

Alex whines “nuuuuu”

“what if they yell?” Monty says.

“Come with me?” Justin asked, his eyes begging.

“That's honestly something you'll have to deal with. With what you did to them I'd be surprised if they didn't,” Jeff said, not sugarcoating anything.

Alex nods and gets up, making sure his sweater is pulled down “mhmmm let's go”

Monty sighed and nodded “okay..”

They walked out into the living room, Justin answering the door, not happy with what he saw. “What do you want?” He asked coldly, staring down Monty hard eyes.

“Can we come in, I don't think this is something that should be done in a hallway.”

Justin nodded and Jeff pushed Monty forward.

Alex frowns a little, holding onto Justin's arm.

Monty sighs and walks in.

Justin walked away, guiding Alex to the couch.

Jeff followed him in.

Alex hums a little and sits down, pulling Justin down next to him.

Monty followed behind them, biting his lip and staying standing.

Jeff sat in the armchair they had next to the couch.

Justin looked at Monty as if saying get on with it.

“I just-i want to apologize. I shouldn't have said any of that last night, no matter if i was drunk or not, none of that was okay and i really don't have a reason for saying it, except it was stupid.” Monty said,

Justin looked over at Alex, it was up to him. Justin would only forgive him if Alex would.

Alex bites his lip and nods a bit “it's okay. You weren’t thinking straight. You were drunk.”

“Wait really?”

Justin nodded, “I know about being drunk and not knowing what you're doing.”

Jeff nodded.

Alex nods “it's okay, really.” He smiles slightly

“Fuck thank you” Monty smiles, not as anxious as he was before.

Jeff stood up and walked over to him. He wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead, “see babe, I told you things would be fine.”

Justin smiled, kissing Alex. He looked over and smirked, “so you were scared that we wouldn't forgive you? You're afraid to lose us! You like us!” Justin yelled almost victoriously. He just liked to screw with his friend.

Alex giggles, leaning on his shoulder “awhhhh you do like us!”

“Oh my god shut upppp” Monty whines “i'll never admit to that”

Jeff laughed, “he doesn't admit he has feelings. He wants us to think he's a robot.”

“Wait he's not a robot?” Justin asked jokingly.

Alex giggles, poking Justin's cheek

Monty pouts “i'm not a robottt”

“Could've fooled me,” Justin and Jeff said in unison, laughing afterwards. In the midst of his laughing Justin licked Alex's cheek.

Alex squeals slightly “what was that forrrrr”

Justin shrugged and licked him again.

“Staph licking meeee”

“Nah,” he laughed.

“Whyyyy”

“‘Cause.”

“Jussss” he pouts

“Did you really lick him” Monty sas

“Do you really not lick your boyfriend or does he not lick you?” Justin said, practically calling bullshit on him.

“I mean yeah but” Monty says.

“Exactly, you can't say anything about me doing this,” Justin said before licking Alex, Jeff licking Monty at the same time.

Alex whines “jusssss stopppp”

“Babeeee” Monty pouts “whyy”

Both boys laughed.

“Whyyyy?” Justin asked.

“You love it,” Jeff said.

“Becauseeee” Alex says

“Maybe”

“Not a good enough excuse,” Justin said.

Jeff just laughed and kissed his head, “you're so short and it cracks me up.”

Alex pouts “jussssss”

Monty pouts “im not that short!”

“Okay you being cute is a good enough reason.”

“You're shorter than Alex my case is closed.”

Alex smiles “good!”

“That doesn't mean anythingggg”

“You're always cute actually.”

Jeff gave him a look, “I think it does.”

“Am nottttt” Alex pouts

“Does not!”

“You are not helping your case right now.”

“Yeah it does, now come here,” Jeff said, sitting in the arm chair motioning for Monty to come sit on his lap.

“Im not cute.” He huffs “don’t lie”

Monty pouts and walks over, sitting on his lap.

“I'm not lying, you are cute. Adorable in fact.”

Jeff pulled him closer to him, them now cuddling. “You may always try to convince people that you're so manly and have no feelings but you're actually just small and adorable.”

“Shush mo im nottttt” Alex pouts

“Am not”

“You are,” Justin smiled, kissing his nose.

“Don't even try to argue with me, I'm right and we all know it.”

Alex pouts and crosses his arms “fine.”

“Im notttt”

“Good, we both agree that you're adorable,” Justin said with a smile.

“I said don't argue with me princess,” Jeff said, smirking at the end of his sentence.

“I'm just agreeing so you don't say ittt” Alex says.

Monty blushes “don't call me that” he mumbles.

“Liar, you know it's true.”

“Why not princess? I thought you loved it,” Jeff said, his voice slightly lower and quieter.

“Pfft maybe” Alex blushes

“Not im front of themmm” Monty says softly

“Ha! So I am right!” Justin said, laughing afterwards.

“Why not? You scared they’ll see you’re not the tough asshole you pretend you are?”

“Shushhhhh” Alex pouts

“Maybe” Monty says, crossing his arms

“Never,” Justin said, kissing the pouty boy.

“I think it’s too late for that baby,” Jeff laughed.

Alex blushes and kisses back “i love you”

“Stilllll shush” Monty pouts.

“I love you too!”

“How about…. No.”

“I love you moReeee” Alex says

Monty crosses his arms “fine then.”

“Impossible. You could never love me more than I love you.”

“Aww don't act all pouty, princess.”

“I dooooo” Alex pouts

“Jefff” Monty whines “stop itt”

“Nope,” Justin kissed him.

“Not a chance princess,” he laughed.

Alex pouted and kissed back “fine”

“Im boreddddd” Monty said.

Justin laughed then looked around to all the others, “so now what?”

Jeff shrugged.

“I dunno” Alex shrugs, nuzzling into Justin

“Can we do somethingggg”

“Yeah, we should do something that does not involve alcohol,” Justin said looking at Monty as he said it.

“What should we do?”

Alex pokes Justin's cheek “be nice, jus”

Monty bites his lip “i have no idea”

“I am always nice.”

“Hmm, what about… Zoo?”

“Mhmmm sure” Alex says

“Oooo that sounds fun” Monty says.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Justin turned, looking Alex directly in the eyes, “I am going to take a penguin. I will get a penguin. Either you will take it with me or you will be put in the penguin enclosure as a distraction.”

“Justin if we bring the penguin back here it'll die”

“What?” Monty laughs.

“I told you I'll buy a lot of freezers!”

“Do we even want to know?” Jeff asked.

“Then we'd freeze to death”

“I don't think so”

“Then we'll buy a lot of blankets, problem solved!” Justin said like he had everything figured out.

“Me either.”

“Blankets won't help that hell i get cold just standing in front of the freezer, if we try to steal a penguin we'll be living in a freezer and possibly go to jail for 10+ years”

“Are they literally arguing about stealing a penguin”

“I think so…”

“That's only if we get caught, which we won't! And I'll keep you warm,” he winked.

“Jus, we’ll definitely get caught, do you really want to spend 10+ years in a jail cell because of Grand Theft Penguin?”

“Oh my gosh”

“If I go out it'll be that way. They will never take me alive.”

“Cause of death: Grand Theft Penguin,” Jeff laughed.

“Justin we aren't stealing a penguin”

Monty laughs “this is hilarious”

“Aleeeexxxxx,” Justin whined.

“I agree,” Jeff said, looking at Monty, “we're not stealing any animals, don't even try.”

“Nooooo” Alex said “we’ll go to jaillll”

“But Jeffff” Monty whined

“No we wooooonn’tttt,” Justin whined.

Jeff looked at Alex, “they are whiny children.”

“Jus we willlll now, no penguin.” Alex says, “i knOw right?”

“We are not!”

Justin started whining more.

Jeff kissed Monty's cheek, “yes, yes you are.”

“Justin we can't steal a penguin”

Monty pouts “i am not”

“Now that you've crushed my hopes and dreams shall we go?” Justin said.

“Babe, I'm sorry to say, but you are.”

Alex sighs “yeah let's go”

“Ugh fineeee now cmonnn”

Justin kissed Alex's cheek then got up, pulling Alex up with him. He wrapped an arm around the boy as they walked out. Jeff grabbed Monty's hand as they followed Justin and Alex out.

Alex smiles and leans into him, humming softly.

Monty smiles and walks with him.

The boys waiting for a bus to come to take them to Jeff and Monty's apartment. The boys all decided that it might be easier to take a car. The boys rode the bus to save gas since it is rather expensive. They got Monty's car and set off to the zoo.

Alex hums softly, looking out the window.

Monty smiles while driving, looking over at Jeff.

Justin leaned into Alex as they ride in the back.

“Babe, eyes on the road don't crash us. I don't want to die today.”

Alex hums softly, smiling

“Fine fine” Monty laughs, paying attention.

Justin started to poke Alex's cheeks as Jeff turns on the radio. The Black Parade album by My Chemical Romance coming on as he did so.

“oH MY GoD”

“Alex calm dOWn oh my god”

“Holy shit you're emo,” Justin said to Monty.

“All he listens to is the Emo Trinity and 2000’s pop punk,” Jeff chimed in.

“Bitch me too” Alex says “turn it off before i actually start crying”

“Same” Monty says.

Jeff shook his head, putting A Fever You Can't Sweat Out from Panic! At The Disco in instead.

“Why did you leave Ryan Ross?” Justin said, looking out the window.

“wHy all the emo songs i feel attacked” Alex pouts

“Are all of us literal emo fuckers”

“Yes,” Justin responded.

“Ryden was real and the government knows it. Give us the truth behind Northern Downpour!”

“HoNESTLY they're both gayer than me and that's saying something”

“Did you just-”

“Yes. Ys i did”

“Back in high school who would've thought that any of us would ever call ourselves gay?”

“Except for Alex. Even a blind man could see the way he looked at you,” Jeff said.

“Shut uP. It wasn't that obviousssss” Alex pouts

“It really was” Monty said

“I never noticed it,” Justin said.

“Everyone else did. And no one ever suspected us,” Jeff said, motioning to him and Monty. “Like we would literally fuck in the parking lot and no one knew.”

“I wasn't that obvious!” Alex pouts

“I mean, that is true”.”

“Everyone but Justin saw it!”

“You guys were together in high school?” Justin asked confused.

“That proves my point. We were together and no one knew. You two weren't and everyone thought you were because of the way you were always eye fucking each other.”

“We didnt eye fuck each other” Alex pouts

“We actually fucked and no one noticed though” Monty laughs.

“Exactly! Everyone knew by the way you two looked at each other but we would be late to school or disappear during lunch together and when we got back he would be limping a bit and no one noticed,” Jeff laughed.

“Okay I might've eye fucked you,” Justin admitted.

Alex blushes “im not admitting to anything”

“ShuT up Jeff oh my gOD”

“You did!” Justin exclaimed.

“Nah. We did so frequently that I don't know how no one caught on.”

“Oh my gosH”

“sTop” Monty blushes.

“So you guys actually fucked, continuously, at school, and no one caught on but we didn't and everyone did? How?”

“I don't know. We'd even sneak out of class and go into the bathroom or an empty classroom. So you guys actually didn't do anything in high school?”

“Mostly because i was terrified of getting caught”

“We literally fucked like maybe people just didn't see it coming”

“Yeah, we couldn't do anything at my house it was too dangerous. And we were too scared to at his house or school and we didn't really fit in a car that well,” Justin said.

“We fit in a car. Not well but I shoved him in and I would say it worked.”

“Why are we talking about this”

“Im with Alex on this!”

Justin held his hand up to the other two and looked at Jeff, “you are bigger than Alex and I and he is shorter than us. We couldn’t fit. How the fuck did you two fit? Wait, did you two do it in this ccar?”

“That is why we’re talking about it,” Jeff said to Monty and Alex. He turned to Justin, “well most of the time it ended with him on top of me and yes we did.”

“Can i tuck and roll”

“Jeff oh my god”

“Yes, both of us, on the count of three.”

“What? He asked.”

Alex giggles “i was joking you dork”

“That doesn't mean you tell him!”

“I was not,” Justin said straight faced.

“Aww are you embarrassed?” Jeff asked, mocking his boyfriend.

“We’d probably get hit by a car and die”

“Jefffff” Monty whined.

“That is a risk I would be willing to take,” he said before laughing.

“You areeee,” Jeff continued mocking him lovingly.

“ShUshhh” alex pouts “don’t joke about that”

“I am nottttt”

“Sorry baby.”

“Then why is your face red and you’re so desperate for me to stop?”

“Sure you areeee” alex pouts more “that's not funny”

“Because it's wEiRd don't tell everyone that”

“I love you.”

“It’s not everyone, it’s just Justin and Alex.”

“I love you too dork”

“Still!”

“Good.”

Jeff just shrugged.

Alex smiles and nuzzles into him

“Are we there yettt”

“If you don’t miss this turn we will be.”

Justin kissed his head.

“Oh shut up” Monty said as he turned

“Well you missed it last time!”

“It was your fault!”

“Was I ‘distracting’ you?” Jeff said.

Justin looked over at Alex and mouthed to him, ‘they sound like an old married couple.’

“You actually were. You were teasing me the whole way there!”

Alex giggles and nods.

“What else am I supposed to do? I’d be doing it now but I don’t think they want to see it!”

Justin nods.

“Don't do it if im driving! We could crash!”

“Learn to drive better then.”

“Alex stays fully focused on the road and has never once almost crashed and when we had a car I teased him almost every time we were in it.”

“Don’t rub it in”

“Because i had practice dork. I bet if you tried that now i'd probably kill us”

“He can’t do that at all and ends up having to pull over a lot.”

“Yeah, if I hadn’t crashed our car and totalled it, you’d probably be a pro and I probably wouldn’t phase you at all.”

“Probably”

“Oh my god why are we talking about this”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t actually know. We’re here, everybody get out of my car.”

Alex higgels and gets out

“rUdE” jeff says, getting out

“Well then.”

He laughed, getting out of the car himself.

“Im confused” alex said

“He just kicked us out the car”

“Yes, yes I did.”

Justin ran up to Alex, “soooo Grand Theft Penguin?”

Alex sighs “no. No grand theft penguin”

Jeff laughs “welp”

Monty ran to Jeff and jumped on his back.

“Alex, get on my back. We are cuter than them, even if you won’t let me go through with Grand Theft Penguin.”

Jeff laughs and hold him up

Alex giggles and gets on his back, holding on tight to him.

This prompted a race; who could get to the gate first. Justin took off, him and Alex were smaller, combined, they probably weighed less than the other two.

Alex giggles softly and clings to him

“That's not fair!” Jeff shouts, running after them.

“Yess it is!” Justin yelled back.

“Faaassteeerr,” Monty shouted, clinging to Jeff.

“It is notttttt” jeff pouted.

“Is tooooo,” Justin yelled as he got to the gate.

Monty whined at Jeff about them losing but most of it was uninterpretable.

“We wiiiiin” alex giggles

“It's not fairrrr. Yall had a head start”

“Tooo bad,” Justin laughed.

Monty pouted, still being held by Jeff.

Alex giggles and kisses Justins cheek.

“Aw babe dont poutttt” jeff says

“Let’s just go inside,” Monty said, trying to push Jeff forward.

Justin walked inside with Alex.

Alex smiels and hild omto him”

Jeff laughs and walks in as well.

They stopped inside, “where to first?” Justin asked.

Monty shrugged and leaned down, laying his entire torso on Jeff.

“I dunnoooo”

“Lets just walk around?” Jeff says.

Justin nodded and started walking in a random direction, the other two following them. Once they had been walking for awhile it became clear to them that they were going to where the big cats were.

“Ooo are we going to the lionsss?” Alex says

“You're kinda like an angry baby lion” jeff laughs

“Was that meant to be an insult?” Alex says.

“Baby lions are adorable,” Justin said.

Monty chimed in with, “yeah, haven’t you ever seen The Lion King? ‘Long live the king!’ ‘Brother nooo!’”

Alex laughs a bit “what?”

“What on earth are you on about?” Jeff asked.

“The Lion King. When Scar killed Mufasa? ‘No king! No king! La la la la la la!’?” He quoted again.

“Dude, too soon,” Justin said.

“StOp” alex says “i still cry at that”

“So does heeee” jeff says.

“Fuck you,” Monty says to Jeff while Justin laughed.

“I thought i fucked you?”

Justin laughed harder as Monty stuttered, “um, I-I-I yeah?”

Jeff laughs “i love you”

“Oh my gOD” alex laughs “that's priceless”

“Are you embarrassed?” Justin asked him.

“Maybe..”

“Wait. Does this mean that back in school every time we saw him limping, which was almost everyday, it wasn’t from him getting hurt in a fight, it was you?”

“Well, most times it was me” jeff says

“Well i guess now we know Jeff fucks hard”

“I mean, he does but why are you all talking about it?” Monty asked, his face red.

“Do you try and break him or something?”

“I don't think you want me to answer that”

“Like i said. Kinky fuckers”

“He leaves bruises,” Monty said before hiding his face in Jeff again.

“Jesus,” Justin looked at Alex, “and I thought we were bad.”

Jeff laughs, playing with his fingers “oops?”

“We are we just keep it secret”

“We’re not that bad!” Justin said.

“Hey look, lions!” Monty said, trying to distract them from their conversation topic.

Alex giggles “we are.” He says “let's go over thereeee”

“Okayy,” Justin said, carrying Alex over.

Monty started pushing Jeff to follow them, “walkkk.”

 By the end of the day all 4 boys were tired and Monty and Jeff had already dropped Alex amd Justin off at home.

“Today was fun,” Justin said to Alex.

“It wasss” alex said, cuddling into him.

“We should go out more often.”

“We shouldddd but we both hate people”

“True. I actually think that the only time we got out is dates or with Jeff and Monty.”

“Either that or for school”

“Oh yeah. School,” he said, grimacing.

“I really don't wanna go back honestly”

“Me either. You could drop out, you’re already in a band. You could get signed any time. I can’t I have no choice but to go,” he sighed.

“Honestly i dont think id be able to realistically handle that, mentally and whatnot. Plus i couldnt get up on a stage and do that.” Alex says “i think for most jobs you only need about 2 years of college and you can qualify for a paid internship”

“Yeah but my point is, you can be successful even without college; I couldn’t. You could drop out and get famous, you guys already play small shows and record videos. If I dropped out all I’d do is probably end up living on the streets. I know what I want to do but I doubt I’ll actually be able to do anything and I probably will end up dropping out.”

“Justin stop” alex frowns “even if you did, and even if i did somehow end up doing that do you really think id let ypu live on the streets? Hell if you ended up om the streets id be right there with you. I already told you; i am not going to leave you.”

“You’ll probably end up famous, rich, and successful and I’ll just be your stay at home wife.” Justin sighed, “ and if you got famous you’ll probably find someone better and leave me which would land me on the streets.”

“Im not going to leave you. I wont find someone better” alex says softly “im pretty sure youre the only one who would willingly deal with my ass. And like i said, even if i did become famous somehow you'd be right there with me. I wouldnt leave yoy, im pretty sure we're pretty codependent on eachother”

“Anyone would be lucky to have you; I’m actually pretty sure there are a lot of people that wish they could be with you. So many people that are better than me wish they could be with you but honestly, I don’t think I could live without you.”

Alex shifts and sits on Justins lap, facing him. “I dont care if there are people better than you, youre all i need. Hell id literally be dead if it wasnt for you. I doubt anyone could compare to you Justin. I love you too much to be with anyone else.”

“I love you too and,” he sighed, “I know I never talk about this but, if I didn’t have you, if you hadn’t let me in that day, I’d be dead right now.”

“What do you mean Jus?” He says softly, playing with Justin's fingers.

“That night I came over, the one before we got together, I showed up because I got kicked out. He threatened to kill me if I ever came back and I knew he wasn’t bluffing. I slept on the streets after that, only staying with you evry once in a while because I din’t want to bother you. The only time I got food was when I stayed with you. I’d be dead without you. I either would’ve done it myself, got murdered, or died of starvation, but you saved me.”

“Jus fuck” alex said softly, looking up at him “you shouldve told me, i wouldve let you stay” he said softly “i love you so fucking much”

“I love you too. I didn’t want to bother you, I thought I was a burden. No one else would even text me back even though they somewhat knew what was going on and you didn’t. I didn’t want to bother you so I forced myself to stay away.”

“You were never a burden to me Jus.” Alex says softly “Honestly i loved when you stayed over, it made me feel safer somehow, knowing you were there. You never bothered me. Never.”

“I did too, when I was with you was and still is the only time I know that I won’t get hurt.”

Alex smiles slightly and leans on his shoulder “i love you, so so much”

“I love you too,” Justin smiled sadly.

Alex wanted to say the same for Justin, that he knew he wouldn't get hurt around him, but he couldn't. Not after when Justin hit him when he was drunk, if he was being honest he was scared it would happen again.

Justin could tell. He knew he would never forgive himself for it, he hated himself for what he did.

“Jus whats wrong?” He asks softly, looking up at him “are you okay?”

“Yeah baby, I’m fine. I love you so fucking much; more than I could ever say. More than any word could say.”

“I love you more Jus.” He says softly, kissing his cheek.

He sighed and whispered, “more than you will evr know.” And they slowly fell asleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Grand Theft Penguin is my favorite thing. You can thank @13imagines-why for that.

[deathboundinautumn]

RP Plotting Sheet: Shinjiro Aragaki

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, andrepost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

tagged by: @orokana-riko​ (you butt :l <3 )

Mun Name: Elijah or idk whatever you want. OOC Contact: IM’s, Asks, Whatever you want

Who the heck is my muse anyway: One-Third of the senpai squad, the angsty one.  Sad boy who’s weighed down by the crushing, agonizing guilt of holding himself responsible for the murder of a single mom and leaving her son just like him: an orphan.  Despite his cold exterior he’s incredibly caring and kind though he’ll never admit it himself.

Points of interest: He can no longer regulate his own body temperature effectively which is why he’s dress so warmly.  Tall, dark and brooding.  Extremely caring and has a lot of love to give but can’t express it because he doesn’t know how to love himself.  Oh and he’s dying

What they’ve been up to recently (Note: The Rapture AU is hands down my favorite):

Game verse: Bumming it around the back alleys, keeping the peace making sure the kids that hang out back there don’t cause too much trouble.  Strega informant for awhile. Eating ramen.  Taking care of strays.  Being angsty.  Slowly and painfully dying.  Essentially drowning in his own guilt.  Dealing with the duality of wanting to reunite with his friends (the other two-thirds of the senpai squad) but not believing he deserves to creating a ton of inner turmoil

Pokes AU: Info found here (X)

Welcome to Rapture AU: Info found here (X)

The AU Verse I will never get to use: Info found here (X)

Some of you might be wondering why I don’t have a Post-Game verse and the reason is simple, I like the idea of Shinji dying by the end of the game, the best things have a beginning, middle and end the same is true with characters I love.  Shinji’s death is a beautiful one, a noble one, one of redemption and i don’t like taking that away from him.  Of course to interact with certain characters he lives past those events and I have a decent idea of how his life would be like after the events of P3 but it’s nothing worthwhile to make a verse yet.

Where to find them: Back alleys, the ramen shop, the dorm, the kitchen, very rarely his room, the shrine, with Koromaru.  Shinji is usually alone.

Current Plans:

Game Verse: If fem protag is a thing its to try and get her to leave him alone.  He’s a tough one to crack.  Destroy the Dark Hour.  Protect Ken.  Redemption if such a thing is even possible for him.

Pokes AU: Defeat the people who murdered his family

Rapture AU: Get the fuck out of Rapture.  Recently roped in to curing Little Sisters and finding a way to help them escape

The AU I’ll Never Use:  This AU’s dynamic is rough due to the pretense of the universe is set in.  There is no saving this place all he can really do is find a safe place to watch the world he knows burn to the ground.  “Mankind has grown old.  The only things left is slow death”

Desired Interactions:

Catching Shinjiro with his rogue persona (vulnerable and weak)

A serious thread interacting with the members of Strega.  I had one a long time ago with a Chidori and I loved itttt

DOG ADVENTURES PLEASE

GIVE ME A FUCKING TARTARUS THREAD

Aki Shinji bro adventures please

MIDDLE SCHOOL/BEFORE OCT 4TH THREADS @niflheimqueen

Gross messy unresolved fights between Mina and Shinji because unresolved conflict is so so important and in-character for my sick boy @orokana-riko WE HAD ONE ONCE DO YOU REMEMBEr

I love the rapture verse and wish i could do more with it.  I had a thread going with a big sister for awhile but that got put on ice (for very understandable reasons)

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT TEXHNOLYZE PLEASE SO I CAN USE THE AU I’LL NEVER GET TO USE BUT NO ONE HAS SEEN THAT SHOW AND IT PAINS ME BECAUSE IT’S ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECES OF ANIME THAT’S EVER BEEN CREATED PERIOD ITS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL (sorry i just-there’s so much thought, effort and energy put into the story, the character arcs and the setting.  It’s incredibly insightful, philosophical and meaningful without coming off as pretentious or preachy)

Offered Interactions:

Shinji is very closed off in nature as such he’s not one to really initiate anything.  That being said however, I am pretty much down for anything.  I usually don’t think about this until I know who it is i’m interacting with and create a rough idea of what I want to happen in my head.

Fights

Big brother motif

Current Open Posts: Nah i dont do those

Anything Else:

Religion: (x) 

Time and Birds: (x)

Relationships: (x)

Tagging: You know the drill people.  If you wanna do the thing do the thing