#if you feel shaken that was me
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ur so right. coming online & being able to talk about things / people u love is just the best and I love the self ship community in general just bc everyone’s (usually) so happy to support each other’s ships n self inserts and everything! btw i am also glad I decided to give centricide a chance outside of meeting my terrible scum of the earth boyfriend it’s rlly nice talking to u & like rlly understanding ur selfship & who ur with and stuff :) I rlly enjoy our chats! btw I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND i’m like that with jesse & amelia tbh bc I love thinking abt their highs & lows.. like not everything is always smooth, there’s arguments even outside of jesse selling meth there’s mundane things like chores or groceries or just like what tv channel should be on yknow? and there’s comfort in knowing that they’re not 100% always fine bc it makes me feel. honestly a lot more normal. i feel like if I were to think of them always getting along I wldnt be as fulfilled and that’s no offense to selfshippers who only imagine happy scenarios but I love the drama, I love knowing that they can get upset with each other and maybe even hate each other but still care & love for each other when all’s said and done. I think his art is like not stick figure but it’s not the best by any means it’s what some would say.. “cringe”. but he does get like enough likes on his art to feel confident. so that’s good at least lollll he’s so silly. someone comes into his askbox and is like “why do u post about hating gay ppl, I’m pretty sure ur gay like. doesn’t ur crush use he/she prns and stuff???” and he makes a long response post about how he is NOT gay even though he likes. a whole man. and he’s like “pronouns don’t matter for him. she’s fine.” — @boykujou
@boykujou ITS LITERALLY A HIGHLIGHT OF MY TUMBLR EXPERIENCE TALKING TO YOU GUYS (i think i already said that before but it bears repeating) it is so fun and silly and i love learning more about your little guys AND having a shared source, in this case centricide, is so enriching… cuz you know who i’m talking about and i know who you’re talking about, it’s so based and real…
AND YES EXACTLY YOU GET IT!! a little conflict here and there is important to me, like i want my ships to feel realistic and always being happy with each other just isn’t realistic, you know? also i love breaking bad and would love to hear more about you ‘n jesse — does amelia know about him selling meth? what’s her stance on it, if she does know?
IM GIGGLING BTW, NOT CRINGEEE… poor blueman :( do you think he receives hate comments? would you hype up his art? i think he’s really bad with human proportions, so everything is either too long or too small or just … out of place, yk?
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you know what i'll put this here too BUT LOOK AT THEM.
STRIKE HAWWWWWK....
#theyre so cute i love them sm#i was taking photos for myself from the new years video#but i was like 'mm you know what i can put this here too'#just. shakes htem around excitedly and jumps up and down till i feel like a shaken bottle and need to throw up LAKJSDHFALKH#YAY STRIKE HAWK!!!#pgr#punishing gray raven#pgr wanshi#pgr chrome#pgr camu#pgr kamui#it just made me happy hearing more from kamui's eng va ; v ;#i still think a lot about how if kamui's va had more lines to read he'd be amaaaaazing#anyways give me more kamui yapping ill listen to him yap for eternity
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It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?
#helluva boss#Stolitz#helluva boss spoilers#helluva spoilers#I feel like I've finally managed to stabilise myself#Which is impressive. It's taken less than 24h. Thank you therapy#Last time a fandom left me emotionally in shambles (the last of us 2) it took me days to overcome the anxiety#Anyway the reason I'm talking about this is to hopefully give some visibility to the fact that this kind of thing can happen#When you struggle with mental illness#I'm not posting to vent or because I need help or anything! I'm fine!#But I do want others to know that it's okay if you're not fine because of something fictional you really care about and you're not alone#This is your reminder to think back to techniques that have helped you handle anxiety before if you're feeling shaken or on edge now#You got this!!!
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"sure you can get that... you got money for it?"
tmnt au shit below the cut
my tmnt au (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)
tmnt au part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8
tmnt au omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
lny visit 1 | 2
#tmnt au#finally throwing out the content for the AU I want#hhhhh it's not as crunchy as I'm envisioning#but it IS getting there#hey#you#yeah you#allow your artistic vision the room to grow#if there's a feel or vibe or style you want for whatever it is you're doing#don't feel like a dum dum if it doesn't come together right away#me? i wanted a specific Liquid Televison show style feel#problem being The Maxx and Aeon Flux are different vibes#and the weird martini shaken combo of Ai Yazawa and Mike Mignola?#a bitch is struggling#but heehoo they like pepper shrimp#that's literally all I wanted
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Have finally come round to the obvious conclusion that I a dispara jew with negative 0 involvement with the modern medinas yisroel am completely and totally justified in being nervous and uncomfortable when people say they hate yisroel not Jews because they will act on Jews. They very much will act on me personally no matter what. Love and light and a free blocklist
(to be clear I also don’t fuck with anyone who would want me dead if I was born in another country or such. It’s just like, these fuckers can’t claim to care about the diaspora either at this point)
#The events of the last couple weeks have shaken me deeply who wants to take a fucking break from society#Like ok in a normal world I could separate those things#However this is the world I live in and I know that people who hate me will not#If you don’t want me to feel this way stop acting on random Jews. I’ve had a very long and patient period here
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I am quietly decorating this space with things that sparkle ✨️ little lights twinkling in the room, setting little snacks 🍬🍭of all sorts on the table to lure any of you spend time here. There's a chair there *points* or colorful cushions with glittered stitching on the floor there *points*
I'm going to turn on some soft music 📻 and grab some tea for anyone who would like some, and we can sit in the soft glow & comforting vibrations of each other's laughter until the new year rings in. Being thankful to have each other, hand in hand, pulling each other into another year of "I'm grateful for you", "I don't know what I'd do if we weren't friends" & "What if I hadn't met you". To "I'm here for you always, no matter the time or distance." To the most important, "We are connected always. From the stars in the sky or the moon at night. To every sunset we watch together, but apart."
You all are always with me. Carried safely, tucked away in the softest parts of my heart and in my pocket. Thank you for another year of sharing this life with me. 💫✨️🫧🤍
#🫧🤍💫#this feels like a grab bag of emotions thrown into my hands /shaken up/ and set loose#time has felt strange for sometime now for various reasons#but im always happy to be here with all of you#happy to have you take up space in my life especially on the days when its a needed distraction :sword in my heart ty sleep token:#how can one use that word now and not associate it accordingly#anyways#if I havent spoke much to you / know that i still see you#some days i feel lack luster in myself vs years past and it a little jarring#but not a day or month or year that goes by am i not thankful to have the longstanding friends ive made here#and the new ones that have taken me under their wing#or i beneath theirs#we all hold each other up in ways we could never imagine#thank you for helping keep me afloat in this sea of life#i love you i love you i love you ♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♡
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"jess bropunzeling write a fic where loneliness isn't a major theme" challenge failed for the fifth time in a row
#ignore that it has taken me 85k to realize this. in my defense i thought the main theme was who are you when your core identity gets shaken.#two scenes to big feelings realization! a few more after that for KISSIMG
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Man! I feel bad about being not as present for bookclub as I was last year, and also about how behind on messaging/responding to peeps between migraines and health stuff I am, but the community here and support and kindness has been amazing even as I feel like I'm letting everyone down, and I've just gotta say:
Thank you <3
#It has been a DAY but everyone is just fun and cool and idk man you guys are great#I got shaken up because I got jumpscared seeing someone who was suddenly a jerk after like a year of talking?#Even though I blocked them??? WHY TUMBLR??????#I had to run that situation and full screenshots through a few friends to feel sane about that one#And it made me question whether I'm in the right space or not#But y'all have gotten me through a lot#And I hope I've helped a few people get through some things too#There are bad eggs in every fandom#But this one has SO MUCH kindness#OK SORRY FOR RAMBLING#Had to take one of my meds that makes me loopy#BUT TL;DR YOU GUYS ARE GREAT AND I'M THANKFUL FOR U GUYS#AND I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!#Yadda yadda#Now back to your regularly scheduled not-super-present-ness
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Really awful that this even needs to be a thought in my head at all but I’m dreading that if Liam Payne’s death is indeed a suicide, people will make it about ‘cancel culture’ and ‘mob mentality’ and whatever the fuck and dismiss and harass his ex and the women who’ve spoken out about his behaviour recently. Make no mistake regardless this death is shocking and tragic, but the internet is allergic to nuance, feel like its gonna get pissed away, all the allegations made ‘nought’ or excessive or all equates to harassment and bullying. It’s gonna become a talking point about fucking ‘wokeness’. Any victims who’ve stepped forward, they’re gonna hear ‘Didn’t you get your wish? You killed a man’. Jesus Christ.
#dreading it dreading it dreading it#liam payne#// death mention#// death#// suicide mention#// suicide#// victim blaming#catastrophising#I do worry this sounds unsympathetic#and having this be the main thing that comes to mind to me feels pretty wretched#but man it’s like Alec Holowka all over again I do not trust what the internet landscape is gonna be in the coming days#on a personal note#thinking of my friends from year 5#my whole class went to a music studio for a friends 9th or 10th birthday party and she was a directioner so we took it in turns in groups#singing what makes you beautiful into the mic of a recording booth#and a few weeks later I had a science homework about what the airs made out of and did an extension#where I wrote a parody song ‘you don’t know what you’re breathing’ and it was peak and I still remember some of the lyrics#I think a good couple of the girls liked liam the most iirc#idk if this bothers them much since this was a younger group of fans so different experience#but I hope they’re not too shaken#fuck.#anecdote#ty if you read these tags#vent post#// real person death
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actually I think the thing about being a youth leader is that 25% of it is teaching about God, 25% is playing fun games, and more than that though 50% of it is making a safe space for kids to be. not to try and make them believe, not so they'll be open or anything. just. a 100% no stakes, safe place for them to just BE. whatever else comes after that. and I don't just mean physically safe, two-adults-in-the-room-at-all-times, et cetera. I mean emotionally safe. I mean not hitting them over the head with scripture, not trying to help them feel better or any particular way. just... a no-judgment, emotionally safe place to exist as kids.
#I'm convinced that my time on Tumblr helps me with this tbh. idk how to explain it but it does#I had one kid this weekend really overtired and stressed out just uncontrollably crying and like. the goal there#is not to make them feel better or stop crying. the goal is to be a safe person for them to feel those things with#does that make sense???#another one doesn't believe in God at all but told me about some really heavy stuff and like. the goal isn't to start#talking their ear off about Jesus it's just to be a safe place for them to come to. this kid didn't want prayer during ministry time#but I did casually tell them at the end of our conversation that I would be praying for them anyway. you have to keep it chill#and not put pressure on them yknow??? they're kids#idk.#adventures in youth group#anyway pray for a few kids in particular I won't share any more detail than I did here but some stuff got shaken loose for sure#Lu rambles
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I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.
#I could feel all my muscles and all of them were in pain. every ounce of my energy was sapped#I needed to eat but the thought of eating made me want to puke#I had to be driven home and I was sat in the front seat like 😵💫🫥😱 why aren't you BRAKING you need to BRAKE every two seconds#After my 24 hour reset I am now up to eating a meal. I still hurt but only the top quarter of my body instead of all of it.#I can stand the thought of being driven now but idk how long it'll be before I'm OK with driving again 🙁#I have been thinking about it like. all the time which sucks. Unfortunately my tolerance for processing negative experiences is -1000#If something bad happens to me I want to just fix the situation and move on from it immediately#and that just doesn't happen in reality. But now I'm stuck sitting with this awful experience for who knows how long :(#I'm lucky our insurance is so good it'll cover everything (but deductible obvs) and I imagine the car is fixable#All in all I'm incredibly lucky and I know that and I'm so grateful to be healthy and home with my husband and cat#But also I've had my license for 8 years and never had an accident. I've been through so much this year. This car is 1.5 months old#It just feels so unnecessary and evil for this to happen now and I feel so guilty that apparently I'm at fault#and caused this huge financial and energetic drain for my lil family when we've already dealt with fuckin everything else the past 6 months#The ''why me why today why when I'm a responsible driver'' is real and my whole shit is rocked. I'm still shaken up#I've had a few times recently where shit felt... unreal? Like I should be able to reload my save because that couldn't have just happened#And this was so vividly that way#I'm strong but like. The Cursed™️ vibe is very present#May have to do a curse break and many protection spells soon#cause this is getting ridiculous#personal
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Happy Easter if yall celebrate it!!!!! Otherwise I hope yall have an absolutely fantastic Sunday!!!!
Aaaa I feel like I'm not as chatty as I once was on here. Been a bit all over the place! Also feel silly making a ton of text posts with no art so I try and limit how often I blab on here.
But just know I still appreciate all of you who follow and like my art! Every bit of interaction I still see and it still baffles me to see such kind words. It means the absolute world to me!!!! 💖💖🌻
#plus Ive been drawing other things between wh art#but I know no one here would wanna see my original character art. Which is so okay im not lamenting that!#this blog was always meant for fandom stuff! but ya know. if im drawing other stuff it means my fandom art slows down slightly#still need to get back in the groove with drawing Dandy#really hard not to feel discourage ever since dealing with them being used without my permission (Which has already been long since handled)#but I havent shaken off that upset I felt. Made me all tol hesitant to even post Dandy anymore.#course also kinda put a damper on my fun#OH IM RAMBLING! venting??? this isnt about that#shaking my head and clearing clouds!!! anyway! needless to say im trying. i hope you guys dont mind being patient with me#happy easter!#or uh happy sunday!!!! if you dont celebrate!#OH AND HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY!!!!!!#Wow my tag rambles are all OVER THE PLACE#text post#just rambling#ill shut up now 💖
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One thing that has deeply annoyed me about the response from Americans/Westerners about this week's events in Korea is that a lot of them, including people I like and respect, are like, "The protesting civilians and lawmakers who barged into the National Assembly would've been shot if this were the U.S./this would've never happened in the U.S. because people are too afraid of being shot." There's some truth to that, at least with regard to state violence, but I'm fed up because it doesn't account for how frightening this could have turned out to be had it not been for how much of an inept flop dunce Yoon Sukyeol is. It minimizes the courage of those who showed up.
Sure, it was likely that the military and riot police wouldn't have done much (again, YSY's self-coup wasn't thought out well, and there's more evidence of that as military officials and soldiers are speaking up about the lack of information they received, but I'll refrain from talking about that to avoid making this even longer than it inevitably will be, knowing myself), but let's not pretend there haven't been issues with them in recent years. They pepper sprayed and used water cannons during an anniversary rally for the Sewol ferry victims (x) (x) (if you don't understand how unbelievably cruel that is, look into the horrific Sewol ferry sinking). They tear gassed crowds (Korea has a gruesome history of this) and sprayed water cannons, and citizens have been injured and killed during the 2015 protests and 2016-17 Park Geunhye impeachment protests, notably Baek Namgi, an elderly activist whose death caused global outrage (x) (x). Park Geunhye was going to enforce martial law during those protests according to a leaked document, with hundreds of tanks, thousands of soldiers and special force troops! (x)
Not to mention, there are decades of extreme state violence that have scarred an entire country and are still super fresh for a huge percentage of the population. Again, check out that tear gas history piece. Look up the April Revolution, Gwangju massacre, and June uprising and see just how bloody they were. Thousands of civilians were tortured and killed. Look at how many protests were going on year after year during the 1980s. That isn't that long ago! All those older people who ran to the National Assembly to stop the coup? You bet a lot of them were college students who protested during that time or knew people who did. All the younger people? They may not have experienced what it was like living under martial law, but as I said, state violence still occurs, however much it's dwindled over the years, and you have to account for generational trauma. I don't think I'll ever forget the way I felt when I saw the breaking news alert about the martial law declaration on December 3. I've never experienced that, at least to that degree.
Instead of viewing the response from civilians and elected officials through the framework of police brutality in the U.S., it should be contextualized using Korea's own history. Thankfully most of the serious discussions are doing this, but like I said, even people who are smart about reading up on things have reflected on how this wouldn't fly in the U.S., not because of the difference in protest history, civil movements, and public engagement with both in the two countries but because of the military/police response. There's an insinuation there that Koreans would be more reluctant to do what they did if they knew what it's like to live in fear of violence instead of living in such a safe country like Korea...and I want to yell.
It was monumentally brave of everyone to do what they did to stop the coup. We're all laughing at how stupid the coup was and there's a reason why people were more furious than scared because of the political history of Korea and the laws set in place to protect the democracy and neutralize coup attempts, but this could have easily become a disaster. It's not alarmist of me to say so because there was no way for anyone to be 100% sure of how the military would react—especially when no one knew what the hell was going on.
#i am...not vibing with these posts about how people are like 'omg those poor soldiers/good on them for dragging their feet'#yes mandatory military service means being there against your will#and i DO believe a lot of soldiers probably were super shaken or confused by what was going on#especially with the news coming out that soldiers weren't aware of what their mission was#to find out your orders and see your people look at you with rage disgust and maybe even fear especially as a young person...#i get that it's upsetting and you can tell that a lot of them didn't want to be there!#but lol are we forgetting there are people who weren't conscripts involved?#are we forgetting that people will follow directions if it's drilled into them to do say especially with the threat of retaliation?#are we forgetting that mandatory military service goes back decades#and amazingly soldiers and police still committed atrocities against civilians during previous protests or what?#idk i think it's your moral duty to engage in weaponized incompetence malicious compliance insubordination etc.#when you're asked to do something evil so i don't really want to praise people for being decent#even if i'm glad they did and i'm relieved they did it you know? but that's just me#omg sorry i'm ranting. ANYWAY! history in every single country has shown#how easy it can be for things to go south rapidly so while there were things that made the coup expire as quickly as it did#and it's HILARIOUS and i'm enjoying myself...it could have turned out very different#just a few wrong turns—just ONE wrong turn—and it could have been bad#rules and orders are good and all but if someone wants to commit violence they will do it#i'm just relieved i didn't have time to worry myself sick over this before it was all over lmao#so i can just feel a lot of pride and admiration for everyone doing their best to exercise and protect their rights#and do it with great panache and fun. the protests are like concerts! the protest songs are so funny#the signs!!!!! i'm dying over them. the number of people paying for food and drinks for the protestors#enough that businesses in the protest areas had to stop taking prepaid orders!#the older people who said they have to get to the front that night to protect all the young protestors with their bodies#in case the military tries to attack civilians! 😭 that part made me almost cry#the ajusshi who (drunkenly?) shouted how much he loved all his friends who came out to protest like the old days#democracy is fragile and we have to protect it#and i think korea right now is a shining beacon of the power of the people
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sometimes i feel really stuck on how to characterise characters like Night and other starclan cats who have been dead for so long because i cant really comprehend how exactly that would change you. fading isnt a thing in this universe. youve been dead for centuries. tiny little things in life havent been relevant for that long because youve forgotten what being alive was.
while i dont characterise my starclan as god-like figures the oldest of them certainly aren't just little cats. WHAT ARE THEY??
#a good chunk of them ARE just guys. just cats.#but when do you stop being that#how and when does being dead affect you. what are you after that. bro.#and THEN when Night gains life back how would that affect her?? it plays into how she sees herself as changed and later as a monster#but how would she act?? how would that affect her behaviour??#would petal have her first interaction with night and walk away from it really shaken?#because the cat shes been brought up to believe is the equivalent of the devil is in fact so fundamentally NOT A CAT it almost feels true?#head in my hands can i be turned into an almost immortal spirit real quick so i can feel it myself IDK HOW TO WRITE THAT#sorry#sorry for rambling#it will happen again#this is what you get for following me#night
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the winky face...stop flirting with your ex (us)
#wailing into my hands BRING HIM HOME#the way this summer has me unblocking BOTH seattle teams because my faves signed/traded to them and i need their content#down so horrendously bad my unshakeable block list finally got shaken#i unblocked them and went oh this is how having an ex you keep going back to feels like#it was at that moment i understood everything#he may be my ex but daddy i love him
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WIP
hi, I'm bori, I'm gonna turn this into a proper intro when I have time but in short! i'm a 21yo girl, I have noticed my views started to shift, and I made this account to explore the ideas of radical feminism, open up a dialog and seek out the opinions and guidance of other women. so far, I've always been in very q*eer circles both irl and on line. a huge portion of my irl friends and close ones are trans/q*eer - this change of views is truly a huge deal to me. i feel as I am betraying those I love, but the internal conflict is gnawing at me, thus driving me to make this account. I hope it'll bring me peace; a conclusion.
besides that: im bi, a slav, vegan, i love nature, birds, reading, some fandoms I dabble in, being silly, kindness in the face of struggle and so on and so forth. i am mentally ill, and a SA victim, but I'm not disclosing more than that for now. toxic yuri can save the world. bye! :)
#~bori?!#about#making this so I don't look like a weird empty lurking blog... although I suppose I am lurking in a sense#the truth being I feel as if I am being shaken by internal turmoil; either a huge change is about to happen or ill end up more reassured#in my 'current' believes - with a better understanding on the other 'side'#dunno... did any of you also feel like this? change is supposed to be uncomfortable but I love my friends and close ones#~yuri; save me yuri!#~oh; us women...#~reading; again and again#~resoucers aplenty#🪴#🦄
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