#if you ever wondered why those 3 songs all sound the same this is why

[clovermusic]

fun nbclover fact: three officially released songs use this set of instruments. Title (Kirby's Friendship Fantasy), Cookie "Country", Ripple "Field", and Butter "Building" were all meant to be part of the same world in this kirby fakegame, and they all got their soundfont from this track. Since I never finished the album, these tracks were later recycled for other albums.

[ghostofwriting]

Kildare Split Part Three: Bleach

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Chapter 3: Bleach

Note: Hi! I love you all so much, thank you for reading and being absolutely wonderful. Here is Chapter Three, it covers the smau basically up until Rafe blocks Topper. Still no answers on that 💋

Warnings: none, not edited, angst, swearing, sadness, julio.

Word Count: 5,343

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favourite band.

Chapter Three: Bleach

That didn’t go how he planned it. He hurt her inconceivable amounts and it’s not going to be easy to get her to forgive him. He needs to work for it, he knows that. Hearing her say that she meant nothing to him when she meant the world to him hurts more than he could have ever imagined. He’s so mad at himself for ever saying those same things to her. He doesn’t deserve her. He knows that too. He’s always been selfish when it comes to her though, he needs her back. He needs to figure out how to talk to her first. 

“Let me get this straight, you told her to listen to your album for what?”

“To understand what I’m feeling.”

“Rafe, the girl doesn’t need to understand what you’re feeling, she needs you to apologize to her.” His dad’s voice comes through the speaker. He was getting ready for bed when Ward called.

“The album is like an apology.” He tells his dad like it’s obvious. 

“Unless you have a song in that thing that says ‘Y/N I’m sorry,’ for 3 minutes straight, she’s not going to hear it as an apology. She’s going to take it as an excuse.”

“I’m just so ashamed, I don’t know how to approach it.” he stares at the phone screen, a picture of his dad and Wheezie stares back at him.

“I miss you, dad.”

“I miss you too, son. You’ll be home soon and we’ll go golfing, how about that?” Rafe smiles softly. 

His relationship with his dad hasn't always been this good. When he chose music over a ‘real’ career, his dad almost disowned him. Y/N had been the one to talk Ward out of it. Giving him a plan that if they didn’t make it in two years, she would drag him back by his ear and make him take over the company. They had to work their asses off but it happened, and Ward had accepted it. It had been a long road, they spent a lot of time not speaking to each other, communicating through Sarah. Ward hadn’t been to a single show before their first album was released. He remembers seeing Ward walk in next to Sarah and feeling his five-year-old self again, prepared to put on the best show for his dad to finally be proud of him. And he was, at the end of the night he hugged Rafe and told him everything he had ever wanted to hear from him. That he was proud of everything he had accomplished, that he was meant to perform, and that he loved him. 

And he owed it all to her. It always goes back to her. 

“That sounds great, Dad.”

“Have you talked to Sofia about this, you know girls, she might have some insight you don’t.”

“I don’t think Sofia’s up to giving me advice about Y/N.

“Rafe, this is only to get her back as your friend, correct? You and Sof are good?” Ward asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, of course. Sof and I are great.” Denial. Always in denial, Rafe Cameron.

“Okay well, I wish you luck with all of that. Get some rest. I’ll be out in a couple of weeks.”

“Bye Dad, love you,” Ward tells him he loves him too and hangs up. 

+++

Kiara of all people tells her to listen to his album. As if everyone else who’s telling her isn’t enough.

“Hold on, I thought I got you in the divorce?” Kie laughs at her joke. 

“You did, but I think you should listen to what he has to say.”

“Kie, he hasn’t even apologized in person, why should I?” She’s playing with the thread that’s hanging off of the comforter. 

“Because he’s always been better at explaining himself in song.” She says matter of factly.

“This is unbelievable.” Kie groans on the other side of the phone.

“Look, he’s a piece of shit and he was horrible to you. I know that, but god can he write.”

“I know he can. I work with him.” 

“Y/N.”

“Kie.” She mocks 

“Just listen.” She’s shaking her head and rolling her eyes, glad that Kie can’t see her. 

“Okay, whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore. What happened between you and jayj?”

“Ha! Nope.” She whines, wanting to know the drama between her two friends.

Sarah walks in with Penny in her arms. They had gone for a walk, Y/N citing vocal rest to skip going out in the rain.

“Vocal rest but you’re talking on the phone?” Sarah calls her out.

“My baby!” Sarah drops the small dog on the hotel bed, Penny running into Y/N’s arms.

“Thanks, Sarah.” She pouts at her. 

“So what are we talking about?”

“Trying to get Y/N to listen to ‘Angel.’” Kie’s voice cuts through the speaker.

“Absolutely no use. She won’t.” Sarah says. She nods along agreeing with Sarah. 

It’s not that she can’t listen to the album. She doesn’t want to. Why should she care about whatever he said in the album when he can’t tell her directly? The last time they talked he didn’t say sorry, albeit she didn’t let him say sorry with her whole speech she had been internalizing for three years. Even still, if he had just opened with ‘sorry’ she might have been more inclined to listen to his stupid album. She already knew it was about her, what more could she possibly learn?

So why can’t she get the thought of listening to it out of her head? She’s alone now, her dog next to her, sleeping tucked between her pillow and her neck. Sarah went back to her room a few hours ago and Y/N’s been trying to go to sleep to no avail. 

So she plays the stupid album that she told Rafe to shove up his ass. 

By the end of the album, she’s angry again. It’s great. Of course, it is. It’s him and he’s amazingly talented. Everything he touches turns to gold and she despises him for it. The chord progressions the tempos, the synths. Everything is amazing. Even the stupid lyrics that she wishes she could hate. How dare he be so talented and make her hate him just a fraction less?

The lyrics bother her. ‘I bought a house to live in but you’re the home I’m missin'?’ His fault. ‘I watched the weeks fly by, I’m not myself when you’re not there.’ His fault. Again. ‘I’m not a sentimental guy, I need you in my life.’ Well Rafe Cameron, why do you think she’s not in your life? It’s like he’s trying to hide the fact that he completely obliterated her heart and is pretending that she just walked out on him.

Fuck you, Rafe. You don’t get to pretend.

+++

She hears Topper in the lobby of the hotel. He’s most likely the first one down here, waiting for the rest of them to wake up so they can take the car to the arena. 

She stands off to the side, their manager Ash, handing out their backstage badges. She sees Topper take two from Ash out of the corner of her eye. 

He extends the badge out to her for her to take and offers her a smile. 

“Thanks.” She tells him. 

“I know this is probably a long time coming and not the best place to have this conversation but I’m sorry.” She looks at him eyes wide, she tries to hide her shock, a small frown still visible on her face.

“Thanks.” She says again, not knowing how to respond to him. 

“I know I’ve been a shitty friend. I didn’t know how to act when everything went down. I knew about Sofia and I felt like I betrayed you. You were so hurt and I didn’t deserve your friendship. I let you isolate yourself and I’m sorry. I should have done better.”

She feels her eyes welling up. She won’t let herself cry. Not where anyone could see them.

“Yeah, you have been shitty.”

“Is it too late for you to forgive me?” She shakes her head, launching herself into his arms. Strangely it feels like coming home. She is finally hugging her best friend again. The guy who used to want to fight anyone who even looked at her wrong. 

“I missed you.” she breathes into his shoulder. 

“I missed you too, I’m sorry.” She lets go of him sniffling. She sees unshed tears in his eyes too. 

“It’s going to take some time for me to trust you, but I’ll work on it.”

“I will get on my knees, beg, and cry if you need me to.” She laughs

“I’ll let you know.”

As soon as the other two arrive, their badges are given to them and they all walk towards the car. She usually opts for sitting in the front ever since everything happened between them. She thinks that this time she can sit next to Topper. 

“Hey, Ash?” She calls for her manager's attention, “Mind if you sit in the front this time?” Ash looks at her surprised but nods her head anyway. 

“Of course, go.” She motions for Y/N to step into the car, Rafe and Barry look at her questioningly from the very back. She smiles at Topper and sits directly next to him, he offers her one of his airpods and she takes it. He’s listening to something she’s never heard and she doesn’t mind at all. For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t feel like the loneliest person in the car. 

Rafe burns holes into the backs of both their heads. What the fuck is going on?

+++

“So are you going down there for your anniversary?” He hears Sarah ask. She and Y/N are getting their lunch. 

“Ya, it works out perfectly with the tour ending just in time,” Y/N responds, 

“So are you expecting a ring?” His ears perk up at the question, willing everyone around him to shut up so he can hear her answer clearly. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed.” Y/N has a teasing tone to her voice and he feels like throwing up. He gets up from the table where he’s eating with Barry and Topper. His fork clanged against the plate as he stood up and stormed off. He can’t eat with the bile already rising in his throat. What’s wrong with him?

+++

He notices as Topper and Y/N fool around during their private soundcheck. They’re playing off each other, Y/N messing with his guitar as he sings into her microphone. He notices that it’s a little awkward but it’s better than it has been in years. He gives Barry another questioning look and Barry just shrugs. He makes a note to ask Topper what happened. 

“I can’t hear myself in my left ear, I just hear Barry’s excessive screeching,” Y/N speaks into her microphone at one of the sound techs. 

“Oh, I’m sorry we can’t all be professionally trained singers, princess.” Y/N scoffs. 

“You’re in a band Barry, maybe learn how to sing.”

“Why are you being such a bitch right now?”

“Hey!” Topper yells turning towards Barry, “cut that shit out.” Barry makes a face at Topper but drops it. 

“What the fuck is going on with you two?” Rafe asks, done with waiting to ask Topper after soundcheck. 

“Just have her back, man.”

“Since when?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Since he apologized, maybe you should learn how to do that.” She purses her lips and instead of being annoyed, he can’t stop thinking about how cute she looks.

“I tried to apologize and all you did was yell at me for 10 minutes.”

“You didn’t try to apologize, Rafe! You tried to get me to listen to your album.”

“If you would have just heard me out.”

“What? I would know that you’re so apathetic it’s pathetic but you need me now? Or how about that you’re down on your hands and knees Beggin' me please, baby.”

“You listened.” He feels a sense of relief overtake him which is quickly washed away by her tone.

“Under duress.”

“What did you think?”

“I think it’s bold to sing songs about me when your girlfriend is ready to marry you.” He wants to deny that any of the songs are about her. It doesn’t work like that. Everyone knows. Instead of denying it or calling her conceited for thinking it’s about her, another question rises up and out of his mouth before he can stop it.

“Are you?”

“What?” She asks, confused. He wants to keep his mouth shut. Why does he need to know anything, why does he want to hurt his feelings so badly?

“Ready to marry him?” Oh, he’s so stupid.

“Yeah.” There is no hesitation in her answer and his heart breaks a little.

“Great.” He says shortly.

“Great.” She turns away from him and back to her microphone, talking to the tech until he gets the volume in her left ear right. He storms off the stage shoving his guitar into Topper’s chest, narrowly missing Topper’s guitar. 

+++

“What’s your problem?” They’re waiting to be called to the stage for their second soundcheck with the fans. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have been insufferable all day, more than usual. I can usually ignore you, I’ve been doing it for a really long time but you’re all pouting and grumbling. What’s wrong with you?”

“How could you forgive Topper and not me?”

“I haven’t forgiven Topper, but he apologized for everything, it’s more than you have ever done.”

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out.

“Rafe. Stop.” She goes to walk away but he grabs her arm, stopping her. 

“What? You beg me to apologize and now you don’t want to hear it?”

“I didn’t want to beg you for it, I wanted you to apologize because it’s the right thing to do.”

“I know that I haven’t been a good friend to you. I’ve been so absent from our friendship. I let people get in the way of us and I self-sabotaged and pushed you away.”

“Rafe please.”

“I think that I pushed you away because I couldn’t be with you but I couldn’t be your friend.”

She holds her breath, waiting for what he says next. 

“I couldn’t be just your friend because I was in love with you.”

“And I’m stupid okay? I’m the biggest idiot in the entire world for saying the things that I said to you.” He pauses to gauge her reaction. She’s looking directly at him, her gaze not faltering.

“You were never just someone I fucked. You weren’t some girl or someone who didn’t mean anything to me. You are the girl, you mean everything to me. You always have. And I am sorry. I am so sorry that I ever said those things.”

“Why did you?”

“I was terrified. It’s an excuse I know. The way I treated you should have never happened but- I just- I was so scared to ruin our careers and take away what we had been working for since we were practically babies. The work that you put into the band and I was just being so careless with it, I could have ruined everything. I didn’t know how to deal with that and being in love with you and high all the time. I couldn’t do it.”

“You got clean right after.” 

“I knew that sabotaging us was the first step to me ruining everything else and I needed to make the sacrifice worth it so I got clean.”

“I’m a sacrifice. You sacrificed our friendship to keep the band but if you had just talked to me we could have decided together. We could have made something work.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” They hear the five-minute to curtain call announcement and Y/N sighs.

“Do you think you could ever forgive me?” He asks her, hopeful.

“I don’t know. You hurt me more than anyone ever has.” She shrugs.

“fuck, b- Y/N I’m so sorry. You have to believe me.” She nods.

“I think I do. I need time. I need to get used to the idea of letting you back into my life before I do.”

“Okay, yeah. What can I do?” He feels hopeful for the first time since he started trying to get her to talk to him. 

“Just give me space for now. I’ll let you know.” She walks past him towards Topper. That’s a good start, he thinks. 

+++

“Baby!” She yells as she gets off stage, running into Julio’s arms. His flight had been delayed so she didn’t get to see him before the show. 

His arms wrap around her waist as he lifts her off the ground, spinning her around. 

“When did you get here?” She asks him, kissing his lips before he answers. 

“Just as you started the second song.” He pulls away to answer but buries his head in her neck, kissing her. 

“Thank you for coming. I missed you so much.” She tells him, still not letting go. 

“Always.” He pecks her lips again as the rest of the band comes up behind her. 

“Hey, guys.” Julio greets them the best he can with a Y/N-sized necklace still hanging off him. 

“Hey, man!” Topper taps him on the shoulder as he passes by him. Barry mumbles a ‘hey’ and Rafe just nods, his jaw tight. 

+++

Julio had only been here for one night and already he knew everything that Rafe had told Y/N, Which is how he found himself sitting alone with the man in the green room.

“Y/N told me what you told her last night.” He really doesn’t want to have to explain to Y/N why her boyfriend is on the floor bleeding but if he throws the first punch, Rafe is only defending himself. 

“Yeah?” He looks up from his phone and at Julio.

“Look, you hurt her. A lot. To the point where she thought she had no one because of you. She cried herself to sleep every day because of how alone she felt.” Rafe’s stomach churns at his words.

“I’m going to make it up to her.” He puts his phone down next to him. 

“And you better mean it. Don’t lead her on. Be honest with her. Do not hurt her again.” 

“I won’t.” He assures him.

“Good.” He thinks the conversation is over but Julio speaks up again.

“Rafe, I know how you feel about her. You need to back off. I love her. And she loves me. I will be here until she no longer wants me. Please don’t get in the way of that.”

“I’m engaged.”

“That doesn’t change the way you look at her. Your heart isn’t in it. Respect my relationship and I will respect you.” 

“You don’t have anything to worry about. I just want my friend back.” It’s not like she would take him back anyway. Even if he wanted to.

“Okay.” Cleo and Pope walk in to save him from the awkward silence. 

“I’m going to head out.” He picks up his phone and stands up from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Nice talking to you,” Julio calls.

“Yeah, you too.” He all but runs out of the room on a mission to find Sarah.

+++

Sarah Cameron is not one to spread rumours. She’s very much the type to wait for confirmation. She blames the circumstances and constant stress she’s under juggling her brother’s stupid feelings with Y/N’s and vice versa. 

There has been way too much talk about marriage, Sofia finally arrived and all she can talk about is wedding dresses and the caterer and the first dance and Sarah is exhausted. And of course, Rafe is panicking about things he really shouldn’t be worried about like ‘Oh is Y/N getting married? Sarah, she said that she was ready.’ and Y/N herself teased that she wanted the ring and she wouldn’t say no if Julio proposed. So what is Sarah supposed to think when she hears Y/N squeal from her dressing room as she screams “Yes! Of course, I’ll marry you.” Sarah is tired. 

She should have known there wasn’t an actual proposal when it happened in the dressing room of all places. She knows Julio, he’s a romantic guy, thinking back on it, there’s no way he would have proposed like that. Again, Sarah’s tired and she’s not thinking and she needs to tell someone and the first person she sees. Barry. Bad idea. 

“Julio just proposed to Y/N and she said yes.” The information spills out of her mouth, it takes Barry a moment to process what she said but once he gets it he’s laughing. 

“Shit. That’s going to kill him.” Fuck. Rafe. She hadn’t even thought of her brother’s reaction. She wants to be the one to tell him but he’s out with his trainer. She has to make sure no one tells him before she does. 

“Topper!” She runs down the hall towards him.

“What’s up, why are you like sweating?” She waves him off.

“When does Rafe get back?”

“An hour still.”

“Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Y/N just got engaged and I need to be the one to break the news to him.” 

“Holy shit. Good for her. Where is she?” Sarah shakes her head at him. 

“That’s not the point, I need you to find out where Rafe is training so I can find him.”

“He’s probably running laps outside or at a nearby park.”

“Do you have his location?” 

“No, security list.”

“Oh my god! I hate that you’re all famous sometimes.” She says through gritted teeth. 

“I need to find John B. Make sure Rafe doesn’t find out!” She says running off down the hall again. 

“Find out what?” Sofia’s voice comes from behind him. 

“Jesus, Sofia, be louder next time.”

“Sorry. What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing. Y/N just got engaged and Sarah doesn’t want anyone to know yet.’

“Fun! Congratulations to them, that’s so exciting!” He sees her pull out her phone and walk in the direction of the busses.

“See you, Top!”

“On the bus?” He asks her. 

“Yeah.” She gives him a toothy grin. 

Shit. Topper thinks. She’s going to tell Rafe. 

+++

Kyle had just made him run way too much. Keeping up his stamina was important to perform every night. This time though Kyle really wanted to kill him. 

“You hate me, man.” He says opening up his phone. Kyle laughs. 

“You did great.” He tells him as they start their walk back to the arena. 

He has a few notifications from Instagram from friends back home sending him reels and Wheezie tagging him in stories. He swipes out of Instagram and goes on to his Twitter quickly checking to see if the lineup for the show had started already, trying to see which way they took back to the arena without being seen. 

Something catches his eye as he scrolls past it, he scrolls back up trying to find the pink icon. 

‘@KSUpdates: 💍💍💍’ He reads through the other tweets wondering what that’s all about, were they promoting something he forgot about? He keeps scrolling until he sees someone say that Y/N’s engaged. He stops where he is, Kyle looking at him questioningly. 

“You okay?” His head is spinning, his heart is racing faster than when he was working out, and he feels like throwing up. No, he’s not okay. 

“I need to go.” He starts booking it to the arena, Kyle trailing behind him. 

He has three unanswered texts from Sarah, a call from Topper, and one from Kelce by the time he makes it back to the arena. He says bye to Kyle and rushes to the bathroom. He’s going to throw up, he feels lightheaded. 

He didn’t realize how not okay he was with losing her forever right until this moment. He couldn’t face it for the longest time. He loves Sofia. He does. She has been important to him, his growth, and his life, she’s been an amazing partner. But that’s all she’s been. A friend. Because he couldn’t give her his heart. Not when Y/N was out there already walking around with it. She had never given it back. She owned it, owned him. He knew that now. With every fibre in his being, he knew that he was still in love with her. And she was marrying someone else. He was losing her. 

His breathing feels laboured. He feels the room continue spinning, he slides down the bathroom wall trying to keep the panic attack at bay. How could he be so stupid? How could it take him so long to realize that he couldn’t live without her no matter how hard he tried? It would always be her. 

He hears his phone ringing again but ignores it. He needs to get his breathing under control before he can talk to anyone. They can’t know he’s losing it. 

He needs to do something. He needs to get his shit under control and talk to Y/N. He hasn’t had a panic attack in so long. He’s not used to dealing with it. He needs to find Barry first. 

+++

She’s in one of her moods again, every time Julio leaves she gets sad and it takes her a day or two to get back into the swing of things. It’s been a week since she had asked Rafe for space. She thinks that she’ll be able to work towards forgiving him or at least putting the past behind her. After talking to Cleo, Sarah, and Julio, they had all given her the same advice. Do what she believes is the best next step for her. 

She notices Sarah hovering over Rafe like a mother hen, checking in on him, asking him if he’s okay every two seconds. She doesn’t know what happened but Topper had told her he went missing for the entire day until their show. And she’s pretty sure he showed up high. She’s scared for him. He’s been clean for so long that getting into drugs again now could shock his system. He’s not her responsibility anymore but she cares if he lives or dies. 

That same day that Rafe went missing, everyone was congratulating her for being engaged. The updates account had hinted at her being engaged too, she doesn’t know where they got that information, she not only had to tweet, she had to tell the entire team that no, she was not engaged. 

It had been a stupid misunderstanding that Sarah had apologized for a significant amount. Cleo had asked Julio how he would propose so Julio had set the scene for her and gotten down on one knee and Y/N had played along. Stupid and dumb. 

She’s reading a contract for a new magazine shoot she’s doing when Rafe comes up to her. 

“Hey.” He seems anxious. He can’t seem to stand still and his hair’s a mess.

“Hi, you good?” She asks him. 

“No.” She gives him her full attention now. Wondering what he’s about to say to her. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m selfish.” She doesn’t like the tone he says it in. Like he knows he’s about to tell her something he shouldn’t.

“Whatever you’re about to say don’t.” She goes back to her contract, staring at it blankly.

“When I thought you were engaged-”

“Rafe. Enough.”

“I had never felt so heartbroken in my life.” She’s shaking her head at him, trying to get him to stop.

“And I thought, I have to stop this now. I have to do whatever I can to stop it before it goes too far and I have to ruin your wedding. Because I would. Because I’m selfish.” She doesn’t know what to say to that so she says the first thing that comes to mind.

“It’s too late.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” There’s desperation in his voice, his eyes glassy.

“You’re engaged!” She yells, getting up and in his face.

“No, I love you.”

“I love Julio.”

“I love you.”

“Stop!” She turns her back to him and tries to find her breath.

“None of that changes how I feel. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to figure myself out.” She feels him behind her, looming over her shoulder.

“Why are you telling me any of this?”

“I can’t lose you. And that’s what’s happening because I’m an idiot. But I can’t lose you and I’m going to fight for you.” She turns around to face him, taking a step back, creating distance between them.

“There’s no fighting for me. We’re done. We’ve been over for so long. For three years I only spoke to you on stage or in interviews! There’s no us.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.”

“Rafe.” Her voice is firm but he doesn’t care.

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone and you won’t ever have to see me again.”

“Not possible. The band.” She doesn’t know why she needs to make sure the band is safe in this moment, so much has happened between them to keep it alive, it can’t be at risk now.

“Outside of that then. Tell me.” She stays quiet, shaking her head once more.

“Please.” She snaps.

“I was in love with you for years! Since I was 13 years old you have lit up my goddamn world and when you finally gave me that chance, when you started looking at me like we could be something you ripped it all away. You hurt me so much and now? Now is when you want to come back and tell me everything I’ve been hoping for for years. Now when you’re getting married and I’m in a happy relationship?” She finishes, her chest heaving anger leaving her body in droves.

“You’re not in a happy relationship.”

“Rafe.” Her tone is warning him to not continue.

“Come on!  He doesn’t understand you the way I do! Doesn’t understand the life we live, and the sacrifices we have made to be where we are. He’s not good enough for you.”

“And you are?” 

“No.” She throws her hands up, “but, I understand you. I know who you are at your core, baby.” 

“Stop.” She’s sure she’s shooting daggers at him now.

“Why?”

“You don’t get to call me that.”

“No, why are you with him?” He’s close to her again, she can feel his breath hitting her face.

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because I love him!” Rafe’s face falls. She exhales. “I love him.”

“No, you don’t.” She stays quiet. 

“You can’t.” He backs up a little, his head shaking, eyes sad.

“Rafe,” she says softly, stepping closer to him. She reaches out but pulls her arm away quickly.

“It’s too late.” She repeats her words from earlier.

“But I love you.” She doesn’t want to hurt him but she knows she has to put an end to this.

“I don’t love you.”

“I’m so stupid. Oh my god, how did I ever let you go? I’m an idiot th-“ she cuts him off putting a hand on his arm.

“Hey hey, stop. It’s okay. We’ll get through this.”

“How?” Tears are threatening to spill over now. His eyes are red. She doesn’t know if it’s from holding back tears or from smoking.

“By being friends.” His blue eyes pierce into hers.

“I’ll try.”

“Okay.” There are a lot of things left unsaid between them. She hugs him for the first time in years and he puts his face in the crook of her neck. She feels him crying. His tears soaking her neck.

“I love you.” She does too. Not in the way that he wants. Not anymore.

“I know.”

[strawberrystepmom]

oda x f!reader. cw: alcohol consumption (reader and oda), they're at a bar. reader is a journalist and this takes place during the BEAST timeline where oda is a member of the armed detective agency. | divider thanks to cafekitsune, wc 1k, reading time: approx. 3 mins 50 secs.

“Has anybody ever told you that you’re a little hard to read?”

Sakunosuke Oda - professional detective, good man (at least that’s what you tell him every time the two of you are together), and your sometimes drinking buddy nurses his gimlet against his lower lip and smiles before taking a sip. You watch every move he makes from the slight tip of his wrist to pour a sip into his mouth; the droplet on his lower lip, the gleaming stubble on his chin, and the way he swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs. 

Reaching for your own glass, you take a hard pull. The burn of the liquor in your chest temporarily distracts you from whatever heavy lidded gaze you know you’re casting in his direction. 

“No, nobody’s ever said that to me. Why? Are you having a hard time with something?” 

He pulls his glass away from his lip and you watch it glint in the light, heavy crystal swinging in his hand. The faintest hint of a smile remains on his face, something you take as a good sign that you are finally getting to him. Hard to read feels like an understatement when you look back across the months you’ve been doing this with him. Playing cards in exchange for information was where it all started and it turned into sharing gimlets (which is coincidentally enough, both of your favorite drinks…). You’ve spent more late nights than you can count over the last several months lighting his cigarette with the silver lighter that once belonged to your grandfather while wishing him a good one and turning in separate directions to go home.

 You wave his words off as if they’re no big deal and place your own glass on the bar in front of you, sliding it away from the edge, your bracelets sliding and clinking down your wrist with each movement made. “No, not really. I just wonder sometimes when I’m going to get to know your secrets considering I’ve told you almost all of mine.”

You haven’t even scratched the surface of all of your secrets but you raise your brows anyway, looking up at him through your lashes. That same smile is on his face, a little hazy thanks to the liquor. He looks at you out of the corner of his eye and chuckles, a sound that resembles a song you’ve heard in your dreams.

“Is that so?”

Flirtation has gotten you this far, in your career and life both, but it feels dishonest to dial up the charm with him any more and the act has been more than dropped, especially now as you dare admit you want to know him better. 

“Yeah. I mean, I could’ve just taken the journalist route and asked you intrusive questions but I wanted to give you the opportunity to decide how I get to know you first.”

This wins you another chuckle that slowly turns into a warm laugh that makes him tip his head back toward the ceiling. Your eyes travel down the expanse of his neck and settle on where his shirt is unbuttoned at the neck, imagining what it would feel like to press your face against the skin there. Would he ever let you kiss him? To tangle your fingers in those pretty strands, giving them a yank while you leave your mark at the base of his throat?

You’re so lost in your own mind, you fail to realize he’s looking down at you, catching you in the act of staring hungrily. Cheeks warming, you look away awkwardly and reach for your drink to take another sip. Liquid courage isn’t giving you much of it now.

“I’ll tell you what,” he starts. You dare to turn back and look at him, sheepishly looking up through your lashes once again while he finishes off the rest of his drink in a single sip. “Let me walk you home and I will tell you anything you want to know that you haven’t already managed to dig out of the other members of the Agency.”

You hiss and scrunch your nose. So you did a little independent digging during your last trip to his workplace while waiting on him to show up for the day, Kenji eager to tell you all about the orphans that Oda takes care of and Kunikida annoyed but honest in telling you that he thinks he’s single. 

“For what it’s worth, I pissed Kunikida off and Kenji can’t keep a secret so it was bound to happen anyway.” You shrug apologetically and he shakes his head, that same soft look on his face that has remained there all night. “I’m sorry, Oda. I shouldn’t have done that.”

You want him to see the real you and humbly offer her with an additional apologetic bow. All you want is for him to like you and understand you, to forgive you for looking into him without his permission because you lack the guts to simply ask him yourself if the time you’ve spent together means as much to him as it does to you.

If you’re honest, you just really want him to like you.

“If I were mad would I be offering to walk you home?”

A tentative smile to match his makes its way onto your face. You drain the last of your drink, ice clinking while you hurriedly sip, and you toss cash on the counter for both of your drinks. He slides off of the bar stool and waits for you to do the same, standing dutifully with his hands in his jacket pockets. You follow suit and dig your hands into your pockets as well, clicking that silver lighter open and closed anxiously while keeping pace with him exiting the bar.

Without warning, he stops and smiles down at you. A real, genuine smile - one you don’t struggle to read. Your hands remain in your pockets while you're pinned by his gaze and he begins to speak and walk, keeping his steps slow so that you can match his long legged stride with your shorter one.

“I’m sure Kenji told you I have twenty orphans I take care of but there are only fifteen of them, he likes to exaggerate.”

[minzis]

When You Know

Art Credits: Cupid’s Kiss by Antonio Canova

•┈୨A Soap One-Shot୧┈•

♡Summary: You and Soap take one final trip together in a last ditch effort to rekindle your crumbling relationship.

♡Tags: sfw, Angst, 3.5k words.

♡A/N: This soap fic has been in my drafts for god knows how long but here it is! The song I mainly listened to while writing this was ‘Margaret’ by Lana Del Rey! Apologies for those who might have been waiting for this fic my last few months have been out the ass busy, I’ve recently moved along with getting sick as well but hopefully I’ll get to writing more :3

•┈୨♡୧┈•

The car hummed as Johnny continued the drive down the seemingly never ending road the occasional thumps from his finger tapping at the wheel. The same sound that’s been repetivte throughout the entire dreadful drive. Another huff fell from your lips as the sound slowly began to aggravate you once more.

He muffled a groan spilling another sorry you scoffed lightly, “Is that what you said to the girl you’ve been texting about not being able to meet up?” you muttered flipping through the magazine you picked up at the last pit stop. The reminders of the stupid texts you accidentally read when coming across his phone plaguing your mind. It meant nothing to him you knew it didn’t for him, but it did to her.

“Christ y/n how many times have I said it was nothing like that,” he rebutted his own annoyance growing. “Yeah I’m sure every girl trying to be friends constantly bombards you with an ensue of constant compliments, gifts, texts and calls.” You exclaimed sarcastically staring harshly at the magazine despite never actually looking at it.

“She said she didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah and I’m sure she feels the exact same about that statement.”

“Y/n-” he cut himself off letting out a deep sigh, “look I love you and only you I would never in my life run off with some other woman I barely know?!?” he responded glancing over at you briefly.

“I know,” you grumbled.

He smiled a bit towards the end, you rolled your eyes at the words as they hardly softened any worries you had. Your eyes fell on to the road making eye contact with deer in the middle of the road you barely managed to scream out the warnings.

“Oh my god deer, a deer?!” You yelled out throwing your hands up, the magazine flying out your hands as you pointed at the road. His head snapped forward narrowly swerving out the way of the deer before slamming on the breaks.

You exhaled exasperated hands firm on the dash as the seatbelt clung onto you, thankful for once about his adamant complaining about buckling up.

“Told ya seat belt.”

“Fuckin’ hell just watch the road,” you sighed leaning back in the seat face in your palms a deep sigh following after your motions. He chuckled slightly as you both gathered yourselves before he started driving again.

His fingers pulled at a cigarette from the pack. A quick flick to his lighter before placing the lit cigarette between his lips. He didn’t used to smoke before, you wondered when he started doing that but you stopped knowing a lot of the things about him. It made you think of all the things you were missing like the new wrinkle between his brows that was starting to form.

One that only appeared when you argued. It filled you bits of sadness as it seemed you two could never argue but now it seemed all you two could ever do. Thoughts of the days when us meant something, maybe that’s why he dragged you on this god forsaken trip. Some way it was a plead, an ask to try again before there was no fix for what was left of a deteriorating relationship. Of course you loved him probably more than yourself at this point, the man you knew like the back of your hand. You were sitting in the same car but it felt like you couldn’t be further apart.

“Fuckin hell,” you yelled out as the tent collapsed once more on you. You were already tired from the long drive but now this tent was going every which way but the right damn way. Johnny set off to the side in his chair simply watching the situation unfold with his feet propped up, a few snickers coming from his direction every now and then. You insisted you could do it yourself still upset from the conversation ealier. You tossed down one of the small pipes in frustration crouching down to your knees as you sigh in defeat.

You took a few breaths calming down a bit before looking back up at the mess of a tent you had long loss the instructions to, and not enough service to Google the manual. You glared over at Johnny as he smirked a bit, you groaned knowing he more then likely knew the instructions by heart. You wouldn’t be surprised if the man memorized them just so you’d be forced to ask for his help. You rubbed your face with your hands another sigh following before standing upright hesitantly making your way over to him.

“Help me,” you muttered folding your arms as you glanced around standing infront of him.

“Sorry what?”

“Can you help me?” You spoke slightly louder through gritted teeth.

“I can’t really hear you love?” He spoke with his same shit eating grin he had as he watched you struggle the past thirty damn minutes.

“I said can you help me, please,” you mustered out an annoyed please as his grin grew wide.

“Oh of course honey why didn’t you just say so!” He cooed, his amused tone far from hidden as he waltzed over to the chaos you had going on.

You sat down in his seat watching him leaning your head in your hand as he slowly pieced the tent together properly. He was muttering some silly jokes, probably teasing as he began hammering some stakes into the ground. Your eyes flicked over him playing the conversation in the car over in your head. You wanted to get over it but it was stuck in your head like some parasite.

You’d feel worse for not saying anything but even worse for saying something at all.

Surely he’ll be tired of hearing the same issue over and over again? What if he’d grown tired of you in general? Your eyes followed his moments as he continued building the tent, he briefly glanced over at you pausing as he stood up right. He dusted his hands off on his pants walking over and bending down in front of you.

He stared at you for a moment watching your flickering expressions, “baby what’s wrong?” He asked with a slight laugh in his voice but mostly of concern as he grabbed one of your hands rubbing the back of it with his thumb. His soft reassuring smile nearly already had you crying as you sniffled. You shrugged wiping the stray tear as he left out a sigh kissing the palm of your hand, “I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong.” He whispered softly folding your hand in his as he waited for your response, patiently as always.

“It’s nothing I swear,” you muttered curtly staring down at your hands. You briefly looked up at him and he looked obviously upset, your heart immediately sunk regretting every word you had spoken. Surely he’s upset now, if you had just happily accepted his help he wouldn’t be upset. You should’ve just kept quiet about it to begin with.

“If you want me to leave tell me,” he sounded broken like he was at his wits ends of what to do, what more would make you happy. “Tell me to anything ‘n I’ll do it, tell me to go or apologize give me a list…please.”

“Just tell me whatever you wish and I’ll do it.”

You shook your heading shrugging unsure what to say, “I don’t know.” Your eyes focused on his as you wondered why you were so angry with him. Why were you upset? When any problematic situation arose the only common denominator you could find was you and yet he still asked if he had done something wrong.

“Baby I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything,” his voice was soft his hand reaching to cup your face. He nodded, gently pulling you into a hug. “I’m sorry for being mean,” you spoke head resting against his chest.

“I wasn’t angry with you I was angry with myself, You were just the outlet I took it out on,” you added on as his hands raked through your hair.

“I know love, I know,” the words almost made you sob he was being so patient and you had nothing to say or give for it.

“I just thought one day you’d change your mind about loving me like I tricked you into it or something,” you chuckled lightly eyes watering as you began emptying all the thoughts.

“You’re too good, it’s more than I’ll ever deserve.”

It felt terrible as if it had been wrong to feel this way. He was as perfect as any man could get and here you were finding issue after issue. His face looked shocked and heartbroken at the revelation, “you’re so friendly open you could probably have any woman you want with no problem. A better woman.”

“But I already have the one I want,” he softly replied with a reassuring tone. “I know you love me and I love you too, I just can’t help this terrible persistent feeling I’d lose it one day, lose you.” You trailed off the beating of his heart echoing in your ears companied by the sounds of his breathing.

“Just ask me then,” he spoke abruptly. “If I have to say I love you a hundred times for you to feel better I’ll do it, all you have to do is ask.” He kissed at the top of your head as you wiped at your tears nodding appreciatively.

“I missed you love.”

“I missed you too.”

The rest of the trip felt absolutely amazing, you’d never have considered enjoying nature as much as you do now. The tall trees lining every direction you looked. The unkempt grass with wild flowers and weeds mixed it. It was truly stunning no matter where you chose to look. None of it felt real, the view was simply stunning.

“I see why you dragged me out here now,” you laughed looking towards Johnny’s direction as he walked beside you.

“Yeah despite all your complaints about how ‘I’m not doing anything that requires more than the bare minimum,’ if I recall that correctly?” He spoke with a smug tone raising an eyebrow.

“Okay well to be fair the campsite you originally showed me looked like shit.”

“Have you never heard of a surprise?”

“No I haven’t,” you replied sarcastically turing your nose upward and he let out a laugh pinching one of your cheeks. “Stubborn as always,” he muttered as he continued down the trail.

You looked over him admiring him for a moment. “Thank you,” you spoke suddenly as he turned around understandably confused.

“For what?”

“For being with me, just for everything really,” you smiled softly as he immediately pulled you into a tight hug. He pulled away feeling your forehead, “well you aren’t sick thought someone might’ve taken over your body for a second.” He stared you down suspiciously as you giggled.

“Oh absolutely, I’m an ailen and I shall taken you back to my people on Mars!” You exclaimed as he looked at you in shock.

“Ah I knew it was too good to be true!”

You probably missed this more than anything, the small moments with him. That made you feel like a mischievous child being with him and feeling like this made it all worth it. Worth any deal of pain if it meant a moments like this. They always say it’s the little things right?

But this moment wasn’t little it was damn dear the most important event in your life up to now as Johnny knelt down on one knee. A ring-box in hand your birthstone reflecting the moonlight with a light sparkle. You felt stupid falling for his dumb trick of pointing out something in the sky that wasn’t even there. Of course you looked back confused ready to bombard him with questions but there he was on one knee.

You felt a mixture of emotions wash over you all at once, you were already crying and he hadn’t even started speaking yet. Your hands moving rapidly wiping at your never ending tears. This was more than enough proof you’d ever need. What would there be to debate when the ring would be a light in the darkness to guide you.

“I didn’t fall in love you at first sight, I fell in the with you the moment you told me I was worth it. Worth the pain, the sorrow but also the joy, the laughter and for the love. You were the one who built me back up even when I couldn’t do it myself so will you give me the greatest honor and privilege to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together?”

Maybe it was then under the moonlight and stars that you knew, knew by the tone in his voice from the stumble in his step to the light that lit up his face as he knelt on one knee. That no fight or argument would be enough to take that away. Not your love and not his because you just knew how much you love and would love him for the rest of your life.

“Com’n now lass my knees ain’t what they used to be,” a laughter echoed from you through shining tears of joy that told him of your love. A love he hoped to see in the messes of chaos your future children would leave. Like the breath of fresh air in the cold night to the crackle of the fire. Glimmer of the moonlight in his bright eyes that spoke of a million ways how he could love you just right, in a soft whisper you spoke, “Yes I will.”

“Good thing you said yes.”

“Why?”

“Cause that uppercut from the ground would’ve knocked you on yer ass.”

“Is it too late to say no?”

“Yes Miss MacTavish it is you’re stuck with me till death do us part,” a childish laugh escaped from him as he threw an arm around you tugging you into a hug. Despite the amount of times the man had hugged you it felt just like the first time after your first date a nice blissful comfort, as if you just knew he was the one.

The hug was only seconds yet felt as if it was the first time someone truly hugged you, wanted you and you alone. Despite the darkening night sky you still held onto his hand subconsciously not wanting him to leave yet. You smiled at him hesitantly releasing his hand taking a step back, “so..” You trailed fiddling with your hands as you glanced over his eyes.

“Let me buy you a drink?” He spoke softly returning the smile as you nodded excitedly, “absolutely!” And like that one date turned into dozens before you knew it he was moving in.

He huffed from beside you drawing you out of your thoughts as he stood up in-front of you his hand outstretched towards you. “Would you like to dance?” you looked at him confused staring at his hand before back up at him.

“I don’t know how to dance?”

“I can teach you.”

“There’s no music?”

“Then we’ll sing.”

He always had an answer whenever you were in doubt. If he had said you could concur the world you’d whole heartedly believe him. He spoke with passion and emotion you hadn’t felt before that showed he meant every word. He’s always believe in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. But that’s just who Johnny is, optimistic to a point you’d almost call him stupid for it. The world needed more people like him, gentle and kind with a warmth that made everything feel okay.

As if it would always be okay.

He insisted on dancing under the midnight sky his eyes reflecting a brightness only the angels get to gleam. You would’ve felt embarrassed from your terrible skills but he was just as awful as you possibly even worse. You couldn’t help the laughter as you teased him for his idea when he couldn’t even dance himself.

His arm outstretched to spin you around before taking you in his arms aiming for a dip but he trampled on his own feet tumbling you both right over. He flopped right onto you as the laughter only grew. His laughing died down as he stared at your smiling face as you giggled.

“What?” you asked out of breath.

He is what beauty feels like, pure unfiltered beauty and it’s exactly what he calls you beautiful. He’d say it with every ounce of his being without a hindrance of dismay.

“God damn you’re so beautiful,” he kissed at the top of your nose with that childish smile of his.

“I love you too Johnny.”

It had been a few weeks since the trip. You hummed mindlessly preparing your usual pick-me-up box for Johnny. You’d been excited for weeks to send it as you held the positive pregnancy test in your hand. It took everything in you not to spill the beans but held out waiting a few weeks to be sure it was still positive.

You wondered who the baby would resemble, though you already wished they would resemble Johnny. Hoping they would take after him and his kidness take every good thing you two would have to offer and become the best version of either of you. He’ll be a wonderful father that much you knew for sure.

If they are loved what else could possibly matter?

You couldn’t wait for the excited call you’d receive as he would probably insist on coming home immediately to prepare the baby’s room. Even already bought a cute baby crib you two could build together since he’d more than likely insist you’d have to sit it out but just watching him didn’t seem all that bad.

“You’re carrying for two now not just one anymore,” he’d probably say and the thought already had you smiling. You remember off handedly asking him if he’d ever want kids one late night in bed. His face scrunched up in thought before his playful smile grew, “if it’s with you I’d have at least fifteen.”

You snorted punching at his chest, “In your damn dreams Mr. MacTavish, we’ll have maybe two at most and have a nice house by the seaside.” You continued rambling endlessly about the cute family you two would have someday as he simply smiled and hummed in agreement at every word.

The phone rung a bit before your usual call time, almost deciding to ignoring the call seeing the random number but the first few numbers looked familiar. You picked up the phone the familiarity of Price’s voice filled your ears. You smiled instinctively, “Price it’s been awhile!” A light laugh exited from you as he took a deep breath following a pause.

“Is something wrong?” you asked another long pause as he groaned lightly.

When you know, you know like the feelings that reside deep in your gut. The ones you can’t shake no matter how hard. Not when you feeling with ever fiber of your being so much so it consumes you. Not when it fills your veins almost already telling you the truth and you just know.

“I’m sorry but Johnny didn’t make it, he was K.I.A,” you almost asked for him to clarify like he was playing a horribly stupid joke but Price never joked not like this. A strong wave of nausea over came you as you softly spoke gagging at the words you could hardly bare to form.

“My Johnny?”

He stifled a yes before an ensue of apologies and everything people say when someone dies. Someone else not Johnny because he said he’d come home. He promised didn’t he? So why wasn’t he here? Not your Johnny it couldn’t be because he said he’d make it back. Things like this happen to other people they don’t happen to him because he’s good and kind so of course it couldn’t be him, right?

His smile, his voice, even just his presence a feeling you’d never get to feel again. What did you even say to him last? Had it been enough to convey how deeply in love with him you were? Did he know how much you loved him? Your hands shook as you long dropped the phone. Your hands threw the box off the counter the items scattering along the ground.

And you screamed eyes watering as an awful overwhelming feeling of dread washed through you, you didn’t just cry, you wailed. Wailed for him to come back or some form of explanation as to why. Why did it have to be him when it could’ve been anyone else. The grief wasn’t just emotional it was physical like your entire body was responding to the gaping hole left behind by its missing piece.

A piece of you that you’ll never be able to get back.

[littlefanficprincess]

I want to see your pretty face

Oneshot

Pair: Tord (post end) x reader

Song: One woman Army (Porcelain Black)

Part 2

(A/n): Tord doesn't appear yet, but I want to first bridge the gap between meetings.

~~~~~~~~

How long has it been since I've seen Tord? 2...3 years, maybe 4?

It doesn't really matter to me, I just hope that he is alright. To keep my mind off things, I began to work out. Run around the block a few times every morning, do some yoga and going to the gym atleast twice a week.

I never got the answer on why Tord was on that wanted poster, there were more wanted posters everyday. Makes me wonder what he did to be wanted for that much money.

It was currently morning, I was on my morning run when I noticed a flyer on the ground. I grab it from the concrete floor and let me gaze glide across it. It seemed old, it had small tears and faded colors.

Red Army

+47 12345678

'Red Army? I don't think I've ever heard of it. It wouldn't hurt giving it a call, I'm kinda curious' I fold the flyer and stuff it into my pocket.

Once I had finished my jog, I enter my house and sits down on the couch. I pull put my phone and the flyer. I carefully type in the number into my phone.

Ring...Ring..."Hello, this is Senna Akuna from the Red Army. How may I help you?" A woman voice was on the other side, she sound like she was in her mid-thirties.

"My name is (Y/n) (L/n). I found a flyer on the street about the red army, I was curious on what the Red Army is" I chimes, fiddling with end of my shirt.

The woman on the other side lets a groan "Paul said he got rid of them all. Well the Red Army is an organisation which has the goal to change the world. It has existed for many years"

"Is there anyway to join it?"

"There is indeed ons, I could set up an appointment to see if you're fit. It's alright if you refuse. I will warn you that if you leak this information, you will be assassinated" She informs.

"Well, isn't that just comforting. I am intrested in joining"

"Ofcourse. I have a spot for you on Monday the 27th at 2:30, Is that a good time for you?"

"Yes, where should I go?"

"Go to the abandoned walnut factory outside town, there you will be picked up by a car. Which will bring you the base, you will be escorted to my office. I will see you then, have a nice day"

"You too" I press on the hang up button, and let out a huff. The idea of being in an army sounds thrilling and also exciting. I'd say I'm pretty fit and thanks to all those times where me and Tord went to the shooting range. Even if I was rusty, I still knew how to use a gun.

┏━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━┓

Timeskip

┗━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━┛

(Y/n) taps her foot against the concrete. She has been waiting for a few minutes, feeling the breeze blow past her.

A car pulls up, the windows were too dark to see inside. The window of it slightly lowers, just enough to hear what is going on inside, but not see inside.

"(Y/n) (L/n)?" A voice inside questions.

"That's me" (Y/n) answers, nodding.The back door opens, inviting her in. She enters the car, sitting down on the seat. She closes the door as the car takes off.

┏━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━┓

Timeskip

┗━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━┛

She was dropped off at a big building, it was black and red. She carefully the approaches the enterance, noticing a red button next to the door.

Reaching out, she presses it. A click could heard and the door opens. (Y/n) enters, cautiously, looking around.

"You must be (Y/n)" A voice says. Making (Y/n) turn towards the source finding a man. He was wearing a red sweater, with a blue overcoat over it. He had brown hair with split bangs.

"The one and only" The girl responds. She eyes the name tag on his uniform 'Patryck'.

"Follow me" Patryck turns his back, using his hand to motion for the girl to follow. He leads her to an office, it was a silent between them. Patryck found the girl familiar but couldn't place his finger on where he saw her. He knocks on the door.

"Who is it?" (Y/n) hears the same voice she spoke to on the phone.

"It's Patryck, I have (Y/n) (L/n) with me" Patryck speaks."Right, Patryck, you can leave. (L/n), please enter"

Patryck gives a small wave, before walking off to somewhere. (Y/n) turns to the door, opening it and walking through it.

There was a desk with a woman sitting behind it. She had dark colored hair and a suit with a red tie. She motions for the girl to take a seat infront of the desk, which she does.

"I have looked at your portfolio, I'm quite impressed. I heard that you often visited a shooting ranch, is that correct?" Senna explains, looking at the person on the other side of the desk.

"Oh yeah, like...6 years I think. It was mostly with my friend Tord, I haven't seen him in a long time, so I stopped visiting" (Y/n) replies, scratching her cheek.

Senna hums "interesting" she writes something on a paper next to, she puts the pen down "Your future will be discussed, I'll give you a call next week"

[bunnygirlwhore]

Doing a replay of Deltarune chapters 1 and 2 because I am hyperfixing after watching Device Theory Part 3 (go watch it, its by mollystars on youtube, I dont care that the full series is 10 hours watch it now please its so GOOD) and I have decided to write down random thoughts.

1. Why does Kris specifically plug in the tv?? Like, assuming a pre-meditated making the chapter 3 dark world, the tv is gonna be there no matter what, why does it being plugged in matter?

2. wait beautiful day is mentioned twice so early on, looking out the window in Kris's room and Toriel says it in the car.

3. Why did Toriel say Asriel's name in all caps like that?

4. Still don't know what to make of every clock in this game being broken.

5. I remember hearing Jockington has the same talksprite multiple times in the files, and he has the thing about having one picture of a soccerball over and over. If he has some third thing that repeats like this then there's like, something up with that.

6. The options of "not yet" and "yes. Ask." Still seem odd, IDK what to make of them.

7. Thinking about something one of my partners said and I can't help but wonder if the guitar in Susie's music is the same as the one in the song that plays when you seal the fountains.

8. Now realizing both the scene's with Susie outside the classroom have semi-meta stuff. Chapter 1 has the allusion to Asriel and Chara dying in Undertale, and Chapter 2 has the references to the wait between chapters.

9. I swear if you hit enter fast enough at the how's that sound choicer there's like, a frame of a new textbox.

10. Whatever happened to Kris at the bunker is like, gossip around town. I wonder if that's what Susie is referencing in the "Guess you have experiencing running away" line.

11. I wonder if we'll ever get to hear more of that ocean noise.

12. I wonder it at some point in the game perserving Kris's save will have an effect.

13. There's no way we don't come back to the cliffs at some point.

14. The like, green funky gaster narrated title screen calls copying files a division. That implies something is being spread evenly between the files. What could that be?

15. I wonder if the glowshard will do more than just be an investment.

16. Seriously what the fuck is up with this closet.

17. Could those monoliths in the background be chalk? Erasers? What the hell are those?

18. How did Lancer get up there?

19. The monoliths in the background before the jump down to town seem to have an intentional shape to them.

20. Why does Kris keep looking at the screen after cutscenes.

21. I wonder if Castle Town will get even more buildings later, and what implications an Inn might have. Dark Worlds are compared to dreams so often, what if you sleep in one?

22. Why does Ralsei with hood on have a talksprite? Is that gonna come up again later?

23. Ralsei has fur and two layers on, does he not get warm? Do Darkners not have to deal with temperature based discomfort?

24. I find the distinction between EARTH and WORLD to be interesting. All the weird all caps words in the prophecy really.

25. Why does prophecy drawing Ralsei have the cloak like that? Is that why the talksprite exists? Will Ralsei put the cloak back on to be like "I gotta, its for the prophecy."

26. I wonder, since the soul seems to leave Kris during fights, at some point will they use an enemy attack to go do something? Will they ask like, Ralsei or someone to do a long attack so they can go off to do something?

27. Odd how i-frames carry over between attacks.

28. Why did Kris look at the camera for a single frame.

29. Why does the exit used in castle town in chapter 2 not exist in chapter 1?

30. Still wonder why Ralsei looks at the camera like that before closing the door.

31. I always forget about getting candy from the other trees.

32. Wait in one of the x-flatter things Ralsei mentions EXP, which like, that does not normally come up in this game? Like at all? Now that I think about it, is there even any way to earn EXP?

33. Did Susie crack the door or was it just like that?

34. I know its nothing, but Ralsei using the word proceede feels so fucking ominous

35. You can get close enough to C. Round that it does the "!" but you don't encounter the creachure. It stops dancing and just kinda sits there. Amusing.

[ladycharles]

Spotify is trying to get out of paying independent artists...

Next year they plan to change their rules to instate a 1000 stream/song/year cutoff under which songs will not make money at all. Worse, if the song doesn't reach 1000 within a month they will not pay EVER for that month even if it makes it to 1000 the next day.

These may not seem like huge amounts per artist but it adds up to millions of dollars and sets the precedent of not paying artists for their work. They will not stop here without a fight.

Shameless hypocrisy from me:

So why did I link a Spotify playlist? Those are my tracks with under 1000 plays this year* 🤣 Maybe you'll find something you like and we can keep the fractional cents flowing 💖💸💰

I have 21 000 streams this year from thousands of awesome people like you - I am not far in this journey but am well into the top 20% on the platform, so you can imagine how many artists are going to get nothing at all.

What you can do

If you want to help artists buying on Bandcamp is the most direct option. For streaming I can vouch for Tidal being a platform with better payout rates, better sound quality, and a smoother interface - not perfect but a lot closer. If you're willing, there's a petition in the above link I think.

If you are a musician and want to stand up, join UMAW. They are a new international union, the first representing artists and music workers in the new digital era. They already have impressive wins including getting Ticket master venues to stop taking merch cuts and improving pay at SXSW, a top US festival. They have sliding scale dues including potential exemptions for artists who can't yet afford 3 dollars a month (a thousand streams in Spotify terms). And we get to be in the same union 😉💖

Going forward I don't know if I will remove my stuff or what. I don't want my music unaccessible to my fans and that is the largest platform by far. I would love to hear what you think. I just know that I am privileged to be able to afford to make music and don't want to see this becoming even more closed off to the vital voices that haven't got funds or support. Between AI and streaming, one wonders if musicians will even exist in the future - let's keep the future full of dancing and merriment instead of this technofeudal nightmare the Daniel Eks of the world want to embrace.

*Noella might seem like a lie since it lists well over 1000 streams on my profile, this is the album version though and that's the single.

[foxydivaxx]

Idol Sanji headcanons part 2

- He has multiple personas which you can see in his songs:

Mr Prince (yes that Mr Prince): His default persona. His pop star persona who is sweet but also dangerous and sexy in a cold calculated manner

King Nasty: his inner slut. This is the persona most people are familiar with

Brooklyn Rage: This is his inner gangster. Like if he is in this mode, bitch run

- He has the foulest mouth of the Strawhats. He is rapper no surprises

- He enjoys being a bratty sub which makes Zoro’s work even harder

- He has a lot of sex toys hidden in his room

- He has a lot of cars

- He shakes his ass a lot xD

- Zoro is more than his baby daddy and lover. He is his best friend

- He is worse than Nami in regards to the love of money. Yeah he loves the cash

- He was once a stripper during his younger years and did that to hustle for money

- He deep down does not value himself

- He often masturbates to videos and photos of Zoro

- He always does the more sluttier photoshoots

- He started smoking at the age 12 as a coping mechanism

- He loves clubbing

- According to Lelouch, Sanji had the highest grades of all the trainees under their label years ago and he was the most popular trainee at the time

- He is the member of Aogiri with the most collaborations for obvious reasons

- He suffered from an eating disorder that would later rebound during his idol years

- He used to hate his looks and body and wondered why anyone would want him. Still struggles with that today

- He and his dad both released albums on the same day. He ended up outselling the old man which greatly angered Judge

- He does not use the Vinsmoke name. Instead he uses his mother’s maiden name as his surname

-He sees Luffy and Chopper as his little brothers

-All those moans and orgasms he does in his songs? Those are not fake according to him. According to him, he masturbates in the studio to create those sounds

-He is an ATL dude due to spending most of his time growing up there even though he was born in New York but moved down to ATL with Zeff with his siblings

-His mother got shot by his dad when he was 3 years old. He rapped about this, literally destroying his dad and exposing the truth about the old man and destroying his reputation and ending Judge's career. A lot of people mock Judge, saying that his son is more gangster than he is. Judge has tried to hurt Sanji but his plans always backfire

- His mother was a pop star and was in a famous girl group before launching a successful musical career. So Sanji inherited all his talent from his parents but he got his mother’s looks, kindness and charisma

-He has been a victim of domestic and sexual abuse, first at the hands of his dad and later a lot of his exes

-Jojo's villain club are huge fans of his

-In fact every single villain you could think of love this guy to the point where many consider his songs "The Ultimate Villain Playbook." since he tends to play a villainous role in his songs since the character he seems to exude is a sexy evil Homme fatale

-As far as he is concerned, he is an all round entertainer. All that matters is that everyone has fun

-He was and still is the main moneymaker and breadwinner for the family for years because Ichiji unfortunately got shot but survived whilst selling newspapers on the streets

-The biggest scandal involving Sanji was an old sex tape of his from his stripper days resurfacing online. Pudding leaked it thanks to Judge but the plan backfired as that sextape made him even more popular than ever as it helped cement Sanji's sex symbol status

-He has the video with the highest amount of views on YouTube thanks to said sex tape scandal (Might as well add this to my fanfic)

- Don’t even dare try to sabotage him and his friends. He will destroy you

- There was one part in one of his songs that more or less defines him as a person:

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But I am no lazybones,

Motherfucker left me for dead,

Yet I still stand,

You asked me why I do this shit?

This life goes way beyond making hits,

Started off as a poor weakling,

These days I answer to the name King

- He has a tattoo on his back close to his ass and has one on his ankle

- Sanji’s character’s stance towards women and feeding others is a reflection of real life Sanji’s past. The guy has been a victim of abuse for years and also his character’s interactions with women in the show is as a result of the things women like Pudding had done to him in the past

- He loves leather especially leather catsuits and wears those a lot

- During his Aogiri days, Sanji was not Sanji without his famous round shaped glasses. So many young idols would later emulate the style for years to come. Also his signature leather catsuits have made apperances in a variety of videos ever since

-He looks just like his mother

[allwaswell16]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

Thanks for tagging me @kingsofeverything !

1. List of works published this year:

Netflix Original

A Deal

Do You See What I See 

Bitter Ends Turn Sweet (series)

All This Time

On That Note

Ace of Hearts

Crush

Daydream

One

Heart Beat 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably Bitter Ends Turn Sweet. First of all, just knowing there was a song called Chicago on FITF had me shook. Then, the first time I heard it, it was just such a fanfic that the whole story was just right there in my head as soon as the song was over. And I was like...nah. I'm not gonna write a long kid fic, right? RIGHT?? I've written angst before, but writing about a child made me emotional in a way I've never felt while writing in part because I was writing a disabled child. And for that matter I wrote a trans character into this fic as well. But I wanted to write this in a way that made it clear how deeply loved and celebrated these characters were to their families and the people around them. Maybe I made their characters have it unrealistically easy, but it's what I wanted for them just as I want that for my disabled and trans family and friends in real life.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I wouldn't say I'm not proud of any of them, but the time stamps I wrote for Bitter Ends are just things that didn't fit into the main story. And I feel like there's a reason they didn't, if that makes sense. But I thought it might be fun for anyone who liked the fic to read those bits of it, which is why I published them at all.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

oof I can never find anything. Here's something from Bitter Ends:

Harry shrugged. “Maybe. Gem said it was okay to make mistakes like dancing with the wrong guys.”

Louis nodded, considering. “How about dancing with the right guy?”

Harry’s heart pounded harder, and he wasn’t sure it had anything to do with the dancing. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about that.”

He’d now lost Liam amidst the dancers, but it was hard to concentrate on that with Louis this close. Louis’ hand splayed out across his back, keeping him close as the beat slowed. 

They’d both dressed in black. And although Harry’s shirt was filmy with a bit of lace and Louis’ a t-shirt sheer enough to see his tattoos through, they were near enough to one another that Harry couldn’t tell where one fabric ended and another began.

Perhaps he could blame muscle memory on why he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Louis’ shoulders, close enough now to feel Louis’ breath at his neck, cooling his heated skin just there as desire zipped down his spine. 

The bit of scruff still on Louis’ cheeks slid against the bare skin of Harry’s shoulder peeking through where his shirt had slipped down, and Harry was thankful for the volume of the bar blocking out the sound of his moan. The whirl of lights danced across his vision, caught up in this moment with Louis.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

There's this one for Bitter Ends: What a gift!!! What a wonderful, sweet, tear inducing gift of fabulous writing! Every word, every sentence of story building was exquisite. I could do nothing else but read this from start to finish and will reread it again and again. Max was an inspired character, so real and so loved. Thank you for this.

And this one for Ace of Hearts: I had no idea I loved early 19th century pirate stories as much as I do now. I couldn’t leave a comment until I finished reading all the parts. I don’t remember when I started but I did forgot to eat for awhile. I haven’t read a story with so many twists and well written.

And basically every single one for Do You See What I See because they're all the same thing...people yelling at me when they find out the twist hahahaha

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

No one come for me, but I wouldn't say there's ever a time where it's really hard to do. BUT sometimes it's really hard for me to make time for it.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I spent YEARS trying to come up with a plot for a Louis/Cillian Murphy fic. Nothing felt right. And then it somehow occurred to me that what I really wanted to write was Louis/Tommy Shelby and once I figured that out the story immediately came to me.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I always like to try my hand at new things, so this year I wrote girl direction for the first time, some new rare pairs, I wrote an advent fic, both my longer fics are kid fics, which is wild to me lol.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Whoops. Had to come back and add this in. I just hope to find more time to write and keep finding more challenges for myself.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

If you looked through my author's notes this year, you'd definitely notice how often I thanked @nouies I couldn't have done half of what I did this year without Lou. Her encouragement and making fic posts and reading things over for me helped me enormously. To have someone supporting and keeping me going was just everything. And always @louandhazaf for betaing my fics and always being excited to read whatever new thing I've come up with to write! Thank you x a million, Nic!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

lol yes. hmmm where to start...Bitter Ends has a lot of my son and the things my family likes to do in Chicago in it. Do You See What I See is based on a FB ad I saw that I found hysterically funny and also based on the animals that run around in the wooded ravine behind my house. Daydream takes place in a coffee shop that I like to go to. And Heart Beat takes place in a fictional version of my hometown, has a fictional version of my cat in it, and has a plot inspired by me spending a lot of time in a converted cathedral listening to my son play the drums.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I think I say the same thing every year...READ!!! It's important of course to make time for the actual writing. And writing as much as possible if your goal is to become better at it, but analyzing other people's writing is how a lot of people grow as a writer. What is it about your favorite novels/fics that you love? Read or reread them with a critical eye at what exactly the writer is doing so you can try it out in your own writing.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I (think??? lol) I'm only signed up to write for @1dalphalouisfest but I'll probably sign up for @1domegaverseficfest too. And obviously I'll write for my own fest @louisrarepairfest I have this soulmates fic that I've been simmering in my brain for a while and I just recently started to figure a few things out for it. So it may or may not fit into one of those fests.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@jacaranda-bloom @nouies @lululawrence and anyone else who wants to do this just say I tagged you!

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

Past years: 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 , 2021 , 2022

[ensemblesongs]

!!! user ensemblesobgswhat are your favorite enstars stories !!?

I have to think for this one, hmm... My favourite stories have to beee...

In terms of enjoyability, and attempting not to have too much character bias, not in any order. Boldened are absolute favourites!

-Daydream & Lionheart are my all time favourite pieces of ansta writing, with an emphasis on Daydream. Lionheart has at least three translations online. I'm planning on re-reading two of those again just to compare them. I love an unreliable narrator. Sena really has been Leo's living unreliable narrator the whole time he's known him, hasn't he? Blackbird was good on a writing standpoint, but felt like a desperate attempt to get people to like and be normal about Wataru & Eichi, as well as telling us what we already know. At the same time, it did provide more insight into their mentalities, at least. Clown, Crown or whatever it was called was really nice also. - Both original main stories which I think every average ansta fan should read regardless of their length, although, the ! one is certainly of it's time. EnBasic: Element, Marionette, Crossroad, Meteor Impact, Checkmate, (Sorry for no Rocket Show! we're gonna read it for my friend's birthday!) Showtime, Dragon Fruit (Note to all viewers: don't read Marionette alone & think you know anything about Ex-valkyrie. PLEASE!), Easter Night, EP:Link, Christmas Live, Starry Night Festival, Beasts, Human Comedy (people focus too much on the valkyrie side of this and ignore rabits and it is disheartening, even if I understand why, from producers of them, given that rabits is far more unpopular in comparison, unrightfully yet understandably so. But what of the rest?), Book Fair, Victoria, Liar's Idol, Rainbow, Eccentric, Pleiades Night, Wonder Game, Biblio, Blood Banquet, Butler Cafe, Shinsengumi, Bouquet of Desire, Devils, Horror Night Halloween, School Festival ☆ Tamayori's Haunted Dollhouse, uum... those are the only ones that come to mind. I've read about 2wink and ryuseitai but scatteredly. In another universe, I produce them. EnMusic: Date Plan, Motor Show, Tempest, Night Club, Conquest, Next Door, Hot Limit, Neverland, Feather Touch, Bogie Time, Merry Xmas, Antique Legend, Burning Azaleas, Shinsekai, Obbligato, Astraea's Atelier, Romantic ? Date, Myriad of Colors and Flowers, Shards of Time: Black, Cruise, Grand Slam (I know it sounds crazy. The shotabait foot fetish event. Yes. But it has so many fucking good parts, and the epilogues are some of my favourite things ever.), Portrait, Nighthead, Stormcloud FUMBLE, Poltergeist, Parallel World, Xday (best climax), Absolute (I'm reading it with my dearest friends & I like it a lot so far! But I haven't finished so I won't embolden it. Mixed feelings about Raison d'être but generally it's so good I really love it. ALTERED CHANGED MY LIFE & KILLED MY GRANDMA. Bite-sized mix of both: -Aira: Episode 1 (Idol story), Do The Norm ft. Midori & Chiaki (I love you Midori! I love Noritama), -Tsumugi: This Senior is Prone to Worrying, Switch's introduction: "episode one", (Tsumugi FS1) Blue Hour's Spinning Song, Tsumugi's FS1 4☆ Story which recently came out on Eng, the eating one, "Delicious Happiness" ft. Midori, Episode 1, 2 & 3 of his idol stories, Go Basking in The Sun 3☆ story ft. Rei & Ritsu. -Others: HiMERU stuff. Episode 1 Chiaki Idol Story, Hiiro Idol story 2 ft. Aira, Black Swan ft. Mika & Tsumugi. (Madara FS2) Fates and Feast, Natsume FS2 4☆ Story. The 3☆ where ex-fine play together, Rinne's FS1. MANY Yuuta idol stories & 4/3☆ stories, especially in relation to his growth & Rinne. I like a lot of Anzu's monologues in the novels. I love this Natsuhokke 3☆ story. I like the early idol stories in general honestly. Baah!

Fun fact, I watched the anime before reading anything. My first story after the main story was Easter Night :-) though already interested in them, it cemented my love for switchvalk & their parallels in a square or even a more convoluted shape, each pointing at each other. I really recommend people read 3 stars of their favourites, you can find them with ease if you look them up, especially if they're from popular units. There's a lot of Really Good stories I haven't read but know all the context to and just have to get to, and good stories I have read that I just haven't mentioned whether purposefully because I don't think about them that much or because they slipped out of my mind (or blended together, or I technically didn't read them and just know everything that occurs or read a livetweet thread and I don't want to say a story is my favourite when I haven't read it in full even if stuff I really love comes from it, or I have mixed feelings that are too mixed for it to be a favourite).

I really adore Ansta's writing in spite of all of it's flaws, that's why it's not easy for me to give a simple response. Thank you for the question, sweet thing!

[aemondslefteyeball]

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (7)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[Modern!Aemond x Fem!Reader]

[Warnings: Gore, death, animal attacks, masturbation, creepin']

[Summary: They best pop some broken shot bottles between their fingers]

(Love y'all hoping I'll get two out next week have a good weekend drink water)

Word Count: 4.9k

Chapter 7

Three months after the disappearance, life was back to normal for most. Aemond found himself growing ever more restless as the summer cast a sweltering heat over King’s Landing. Despite how awful he felt, he was starting to handle it better. Helaena wasn’t the I-told-you-so type, but he still couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he continued going after the promised five sessions. He wondered if other people could see the difference in him. Earlier this week he had responded to his secretary when she asked him how his day was instead of grunting. But the torment of not knowing where you are was eating him alive. The scans in Moat Cailin were apparently going slower than expected due to issues with interference or something along those lines. Days blended into each other but that morning he had walked into his Grandfather’s office and requested a long weekend; it was the closest thing to a vacation he had taken after graduating. Otto once again shot him that empathetic glance, and nodded. “Aemond.” His hand had been resting on the doorknob when his Grandfather called out. He turned, half expecting to be lectured. “I would have done the same for your Grandmother.” Otto Hightower was not a man anybody could accuse of being emotional, but there was a deep sorrow in his voice Aemond had never been privy to. He had never really heard much about her, but supposed this was why. Aemond nodded at his Grandfather once more before leaving the room. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the night at the tree, you refused to go back there. It made no matter, Barba wouldn’t push you to do it. Whatever poison had seeped into you had only metastasized, it seemed. The days blurred together and your nights were riddled with serpents twisting in the burrows of the Earth. Finding little comfort in rest, you found yourself at your clearing more often. Tonight you were joined by Barba, who was looking at you excitedly before pulling out her black iPhone. You looked at her questioningly, what could have been months ago all of you agreed to limit phone usage to ten minutes a month unless absolutely necessary. 

“Is it okay if I play something?” Her voice was as soft as always, but you braced yourself for religious music. 

You smiled and nodded, “Yeah go ahead.” Giving her the ‘all go’ gesture, she turned the device on and pulled up her Spotify library. 

Barba gave you a meek look for a second, her icy eyes gauging your expression. “So, Uhm, I have a kinda unconventional music taste?” 

You smiled, figuring that you could stand to listen to music about the Old Gods as long as she was happy. “Oh, I’m fine with anything.” You shrugged, secretly hoping that she wouldn’t play any country music. 

“Are you sure?” Barba raised an eyebrow as she tilted her head towards you. “Like it’s not super common.” Suddenly curious at whatever tree music she was hiding, you just shot her two thumbs up. 

You thanked R’hllor above that it was not country music. It was not Old Gods gospel either. So far it seemed to be some folksy song that had the occasional sound effect. You nodded approvingly, folk music wasn’t your favorite genre but it was pretty good. It also made sense for Barba, though you wondered why she thought folk was so unconventional. As soon as you started to close your eyes and enjoy the singing a scream pulled you out of your thoughts and had you staring between the phone and Barba. She just offered a small smile before the tempo of the song picked up and the growl started again. “Barba what the fuck?” was the only thing that you could even think to say. She just shrugged at you as she turned the volume up and tilted it so you could hear better. You hadn’t heard a lot of metal before, but the song actually sounded pretty nice. You still couldn’t stop staring at Barba in shock though. Who would’ve thought that the quietest, sweetest girl in all her classes listened to this? “Honestly I kinda fuck with it.” You started dancing as best you could to the insanely fast tempo. What the fuck are this guitarist’s fingers made out of? “Heavy metal Barba.” 

“Oh, this is black metal actually.” She corrected, a gleam in her eyes as the two of you clumsily danced to the undanceable song. Barba tilted her head back to scream with the song, you miming guitar. She started laughing then, and the two of you continued until the song was winding down. When Barba stopped giggling, she handed the phone over to you expectantly. 

“This is your ten minutes, listen to what you want.” You moved to hand the phone back to her before she pushed it so it remained in your hand. 

“Seriously I just threw you in the deep end, pick a song.” You scrolled through her library hopefully, searching for the song you had been hoping to find. 

When you clicked on it, Barba’s face lit up in recognition. “Teenage Mary said to Uncle Dave, ‘I sold my soul, must be saved.’” Both of your voices rang through the clearing. “Gonna take a walk down to Union Square.” When the timer sounded the two of you groaned in unison. Barba shut the phone off and put it into her back pocket. 

“What do you think of Aly’s expedition?” Barba sat on the log, you following on the one across the fire from her. 

“It’s dangerous.” You sighed, dangerous didn’t really even begin to cover it. The only mercy at your disposal was the heat. “Sara seems pretty on board with the idea. Floris too. Sabitha won’t let Aly go without her…” You paused for a moment, glancing into the fire. “I think I want to go.” 

Barba stared at you hard for a second before pulling her lips into a hard line. “The Cessna is too dangerous, but this is fine?” 

“There’s safety in numbers, and we know our feet work. Can’t say the same for the ‘ol shitbird.” You weren’t sure if you were ready to tell her about your dream the night prior. Ivestragī se sȳndror mazilībagon ao dāez. A crimson river swept through the valley, white driftwood caught in pink rapids. Se riñar, ñuha riña. A cloud of red smoke was the last thing you remembered before Baela shook you awake that morning. Barba would no doubt tell you how the terror you felt while sleeping was a gift. She snapped you out of your thoughts with a dry laugh. 

“Fine. But if it doesn’t work I’m taking the plane south.” 

“I understand.” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aemond had bid entirely too much money on the pink monstrosity that sat before him. Regardless, you couldn’t come home to a torn duvet cover without having immediate questions. He inhaled again before he stepped into the bedroom. Vhagar thankfully wasn’t napping in her usual spot, and taking that as a sign Aemond tossed the new one on the bed as best he could. He could just have the maid straighten it later. His task in the room was completed, but he couldn’t wrench himself away from the closest substitute he had to you. He walked across to the other side of the room, looking at your desk. A few textbooks were stacked off to the right, and Aemond flipped through them before moving into an iPad, stapler, and tape. He opened the top drawer, rummaging through it to find basic office supplies. Following that he moved on to the bottom drawer. This too yielded nothing. A few folders were neatly labeled with subjects and an unmarked manila envelope. He flipped through the folders and didn’t find anything of interest. He undid the string on the envelope next, pulling out a few pieces of sketch paper. Aemond lightly brushed his fingertip across the drawing’s lower lip, a rising hunger growing in him. The next one was decidedly more risque. You were playing the piano but with a robe draped around you. Draped was a loose word for it, as the robe seemed to be a formality. Plum silk looked as if it had been poured around your hips, your naked back exposed to him. Aemond took in a sharp breath as he dragged his eye over the soft curve of your waist. From the angle you had been drawn at, he could see the curve of your breast, infuriatingly too little of it however. His eye lingered on the image for a second longer before he took in the next one with a widened eye. Aemond felt a predatory grin slip across his face as a burning jealousy took hold of him.

The paper was promptly set down on the desk before the blonde reached to undo his belt, cock painfully throbbing against his slacks. Upon being freed, it slapped against his buttoned shirt and he let out a groan. Aemond spread the precum down onto the rest of his length, holding a breath in before releasing it with a soft moan as he stroked down to the base. His eye locked down intently on the drawing of you, back arched and face twisted in pleasure while presumably, Emerson was bringing you to your peak. His pace grew more fervent, angrier at the thought of it. You looked blissful, but he knew he could break you down to the point of deliriousness. Aemond would find you when you were playing piano, and you would be as oblivious to his presence as always. He decided he would stand behind you then as he pumped his cock with one hand now, eye tightly shut. He would brush your hair to one side, letting his breath draw goosebumps from you. He would insist you keep playing, while one hand tossed that little skirt aside and snaked into your panties. If you stopped, so would he. The thought drove him wild, and he was bound to escalate it. His breath came out in pants, pace quickening. Aemond would kneel between your legs next, spreading one while taking care to leave the other so your foot could still rest on the pedal. From there he would plant gentle kisses along the tops of your thighs, wondering what your moans would sound like. Finally, he would tear off your panties, relishing in either your submission or annoyance. Aemond knew you would be so good for him after he dragged his tongue up your slit, swirling his tongue around your bud before pressing on it hard enough to make you gasp. His tongue lowered to the hole, pushing his tongue into it while pressing his aquiline nose on your clit. If you behaved he would reward you greatly, though truth be told either path would end in the same result. You would still end up spread on the piano, your skirt tossed up around your hips as he relished the sweet moan on your lips when he finally entered you. When you met his gaze he would start rolling his hips into you. He wondered if you would buck your hips as you approach your peak. He would be unrelenting. Unyielding. He would move his thumb to assault your bud until you started to shake. Aemond needed to feel you clench around him, head tossed back in abandon as you unraveled on his cock. The pace at which he stroked himself increased as he gritted his teeth. Aemond was a jealous man, and he wouldn’t stop until you were unable to remember your own name, let alone your ex’s. A primal groan was released from Aemond’s lips as he finally came, but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be enough until you were looking him dead in the eye when he came in you. Aemond reached out a hand to lean against the desk, catching his breath before he put his cock away. 

Fuck.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why didn’t you tell them about your dream?” 

You paused for a moment, wondering if it was a rhetorical question. You continued to examine the charred body of the deer with a detached eye. When you met Barba’s icy blue eyes you sighed. “Aly is a brick wall with hair.” Barba leaned back on her heels, nodding for a second. Your gaze flickered back to the stag, curiosity took hold of you. Reaching down, you wrenched a vertebra out of the corpse, holding it up to the light for a moment like a gemstone. “This bone didn’t burn at all.” You examined it for a moment before smiling at Barba and getting up. 

You met Sabitha, Aly, Nettles, and Myrielle at the clearing in front of the cabin. Shooting Aly a small smile, you tugged at the straps of your backpack. “When do we leave?” 

Aly smiled back at you “In an hour.” 

You nodded, taking a knee and unzipping your rucksack, pulling the bone out of it. You had fashioned a piece of twine through it, and approached Sabitha while she was putting her water bottle in her bag. “This is kinda weird, but will you take this?” 

Sab’s eyebrows knit together, running her fingertips across the bone before she looked back up at you. “Sure, but why am I going to be wearing a vertebra on my neck?” 

“Just do it, please. I think it’ll keep you safe.” 

“Like a lucky rabbit's foot?” 

“I had a dream last night.” You weren’t sure why you couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of your mouth. Thankfully Sabitha smiled at you, gesturing at you to continue. “There was, I don’t know. Red smoke and a river of blood. Just please keep it on you, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks Y/N.” She pulled you in for a quick hug before you two turned back to the group. 

The group was exchanging hugs, hope on their faces as they saw you guys off. Yelling suddenly rang out as Rhaena bustled out of the cabin. “Wait! Wait for me. I’m coming.” Rhaena panted before she looked at Ser Criston with doe eyes. “Criston, I mean Ser Cole. Please don’t try to talk me out of this, okay?” Her eyes were pleading, Cole looked as if he were a shell of a man. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I just feel like my friends really need me.” Baela’s lips pulled into a tight line across her face and you sucked your breath in through your teeth as quietly as possible. 

“Oh, wow. Well, that’s uh…” Ser Criston looked away for a second, his face suddenly twisted in false disappointment. “You know what? That’s really brave of you, Rhaena.” They both giggled for a moment before he met her gaze again. “I’ll do the best I can without you.” 

“I’ll come back for you, I promise.” Baela physically cringed, and you shrugged at her. She’s your sister.

“Okay.” Rhaena went in for a hug immediately after, and Criston’s mask dropped. He stared at all of you with a long-suffering look. He tentatively patted her on the back, his face scrunched as he did so. Everybody else in the group tried to distract themselves as Rhaena leaned in for a moment longer, sighing dreamily. 

Last hugs were exchanged as the group of you set off into the brush. The mood was cheerful, and the breeze was a relief. You hummed quietly to yourself as you took in your surroundings. Marguerita Passion had to get her fix. She wasn’t well, she was getting sick. Went to sell her soul, she wasn’t high. Didn’t know, thinks she could buy. Dappled sunlight shone through the leaves, and Nettles joked about girl scouts. In the afternoon you found yourself actually starting to bond with Rhaena. She still seemed a little off, but she was interesting. The group of you hung back a little while Aly and Sabitha picked up their pace. Eventually, Aly’s gaze turned back to you, before she turned and gave Sabitha a look. Subtle. You didn’t hear the conversation, but Aly looked grave. Not that anything was new, really. When darkness fell camp was quickly established. “So get this.” Sabitha was animated as she spoke, her face lighting up. “After Bill Pullman falls in love with Sandra, his fucking brother wakes up! It’s a whole ass mess. I mean, this dude actually thinks that Sandy is his fiancee.” She gestured wildly, locking eye contact with everybody. “So just…” Howling rang out in the distance, and all of you froze. You looked in the direction it came from and swallowed. Your heels dug into the dirt. 

Aly rocked back for a moment, looking at the fire. “We’ll be fine. Wolves are scared of humans. Besides, it doesn’t sound like they’re very close.” The nagging feeling still didn’t sit right with you, and you stared at Sabitha for a second, who was rubbing the vertebra. “We can take turns keeping watch, just to be extra safe but I really don’t think we have anything to worry about.” 

“You know who does need to worry?” Sabitha wiggled her eyebrows. “Our girl, Sandy. Because she does not know this man and he’s never seen her before he’s like, ‘Who is this girl?’ And his doctor is like, ‘Well, you must have amnesia because you don’t remember your wife-to-be.” As Sabitha rambled on, the group relaxed. Eventually, your eyes grew heavy, and you last remembered Sabitha moaning about how unfair it is that Natasha Lyonne is straight.

Morning found the group anxious, but ready to carry on. Birds sang and insects chirped as you continued. Later in the morning, Aly heard the sound of rushing water, and the group of you rushed to it excitedly, undoing the lids on your bottles. To your horror, the water was a deep, muddy red. “I don’t think we should drink it,” Rhaena announced, letting the handful of water she had cupped drain back into the river. 

“No shit.” Myrielle sniped. “It smells weird.” The scent of rust hung heavily in the air, with no signs of life in the stream.

“Y/N, what did you tell Sab about your dream?” Your arms crossed over your chest as you took a step back, gaze flitting away. “A river of blood?” Nettles continued. Your eyes were locked onto the water. “And a cloud of smoke.” 

Aly scoffed after Myri had finished, her eyes rolling. “Yeah, and last night I dreamed I went water-skiing with Jaenara Belaerys, so.” Rolling your eyes and shaking your head, you found your friendship with Aly growing ever-thinner. It was okay if she didn’t believe in things, but you were getting sick of her constantly shitting on everybody else. She was out eating dirt last night but you were crazy for what happened at the seance. 

“Mineral deposits can change the color of the water,” Rhaena spoke out. “Like iron, maybe?” 

Sabitha nodded, looking at it again. Aly smiled at her. “I’m sure that’s what it is then. Come on, this has been a fun pit stop but we need to keep moving.” She turned on her heels, clodding away. 

“Um, guys.” Myrielle held the compass up. The dial was spinning all over, never landing in one spot. 

Sabitha stared at it for a second before looking away. “The iron in the water could be messing with it. Especially this much of it. It’ll probably work again when we’re away from the water.” Her tone was hesitant as Sabitha gripped the vertebra that hung from her neck. 

“Seriously?” Aly shot the group a hard stare. 

“I don’t know, maybe we should think about going back?” Myri looked at Nettles hesitantly.

“We just need to get away from here.” Aly grabbed one strap and shifted her weight to her left leg. 

“Wait, let's think about this.” Sabitha blurted out. 

Aly stepped forward, her gaze flat. “Think about what?” 

“I don’t know, this stream? It is a pretty big coincidence that Y/N dreamed about it… we heard wolves last night…” You decided to stay out of it, suddenly regretting your admission to Sabitha. All you wanted to do was try to keep her safe, not start infighting.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” 

“I’m just saying tha-” 

“What? What are you saying? That the fucking woods are speaking through Y/N? That they don’t want us to leave? Do you know how insane that sounds? The woods don’t give a shit and all this nonsense.” She gestured towards you suddenly as you met her gaze, your nerves being grated ever thinner. “And dreams and omens and whatever the fuck.” Aly gestured to the bone on Sabitha’s neck. “That is. We can survive without a compass. We’ll use the sun to travel south and we can place cairn stones or something under trees. There is a solution for everything.” Aly was going to make an amazing engineer. Absolute disregard for human feelings and a stubborn resolve to fix anything. “An explanation for everything. Now, that said, nobody forced you to come with me. Anybody that wants to go back, by all means.” She spat. “But I’m losing daylight.” You shared wary looks with each other before you looked at the river one last time. Doc Martens rustled leaves as you followed Aly. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He swore he wouldn’t do this again. Aemond cursed Emerson, but he knew that was a deflection and cursed himself afterward. Once he regained full control of himself he put the sketches back into the manila envelope and placed it back in the desk. He let out an audible sigh at the empty room, his gaze landing on the bed again. Some giant moth… thing of yours stared back at him from atop the bed where he had haphazardly thrown it after putting the new duvet on. Closing the bottom drawer to the desk Aemond walked back to the closet door. Pushing it further open, he took a deep breath before rummaging through the hamper once more. He would have the maid wash your clothes, but not all of them. And after three months in the wilderness, you wouldn’t miss a few pairs of panties. This was a turning point, he promised himself. What had been done was already in motion, but he wouldn’t deny it to himself any longer. He was attracted to you and missed your presence in the house. Aemond would talk about it with Dr. Greenwood and make it right. The expiration date on your marriage was a little under a year and a half away, but maybe until then the two of you could come to an understanding with each other. Besides, it wasn’t like Emerson would be here for you when you returned. After Taenys had morphed from emotional support to a vine growing on Emerson she attended fewer briefings before she had stopped coming altogether the past month. The last he had checked, she made her relationship with her public on social media. You deserved better, but in the meantime, he could fuck you hard enough that you would forget about her. He made one last move to the drawer of your nightstand, opening it before grabbing one more item and making his way out of the room. He spent the rest of the day alone. Helaena was at some summer camp with the twins, and the solitude had been weighing heavily on him. He did ask the maid to do your laundry, and he was grateful that she wouldn’t ask questions about the stains on it. Every day felt like a repeat. He was the first person who would be contacted when you were found, but he couldn’t help the compulsion to continue checking Twitter for continued updates. Aemond had always prided himself on his restraint but found that his need for you was becoming an addiction. He reminded himself that he would sort it out with Dr. Greenwood, not that she needed to know everything. Aemond would fix it as he had done his entire life, and things would be better when you returned. At some point he locked himself into his office, diving back into his work for a few hours respite from the storm in his head. When his eyes grew too bleary to continue, he returned to his room. Every step of his routine was just another meaningless thing he did to occupy his time. When he finally finished, he stood at the edge of his king-sized bed observing his bounty. Three pairs of panties, and the journal that had been almost entirely filled. He needed to get to know you if he was going to be of any use when you returned, after all. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You fluffed the blanket before placing it on the ground. Your feet ached from all the walking on shitty terrain, with your mind weighed down by exhaustion. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but we’re one step closer to home. I promise this will all be over soon.” You shook your head as Aly spoke, just wanting to sleep and get fucking help. 

Silence hung in the air for a brief second. “We don’t need another speech, Alysanne. We need to sleep.” Sabitha’s face hardened as she glanced back into the fire. “I’ll take first watch tonight.” 

Aly shook her head, sitting by the tree. “Let me do it. You should all rest. Aly leaned against the trunk of the tree, and your eyes grew bleary as the flickering of the fire faded from your vision. 

Silver hair flashed through the dense brush. You ducked under vines as you followed after the man. The silver hair evoked some feeling of familiarity but you couldn’t quite place it. Jungle grew over pillars of stone, with the man flickering between them. The further he walked, the more intricate the stone became. The jungle seemed to either respect or fear it, as the plant line abruptly ended after you stepped into a clearing. Your boots padded over black cobblestone as you pursued the man, pace quickening. “Wait!” You ran after him, but he always seemed to elude you. He was only walking, but with a strange sort of glide to it. The man finally entered an ominous building. You stopped to stare at it for a second before taking a deep breath and entering. To your surprise– and horror– the man was waiting for you inside. He stood casually across the room, clad in strange, sunset-colored robes. Long silver hair cascaded down part of his ruined face. Flesh melted and sloughed off. The closer you looked at the man, the less human he started to appear. Ēdi naejot gaomagon ziry syt se dārion. His voice was half-gurgled, and you stepped back suddenly. You picked up maybe three words of what he said, but what you did know didn’t sound great. Then it dawned on you. That voice. His eyes were swollen sickeningly far from the socket, and you could see his jaw hanging loose where the sinew melted away. Charred bone crept into a Cheshire grin as the demeanor of the man changed. Kessa sagon. Se riñar emagon vēttan ziry sīr. The melted man continued forward with a predatory grin. Weeping, blackened skin hung off his body like a glove, slowly dripping down his body. You stepped too far back and stumbled back onto the stone. The man was upon you in an instant, doughy fingers digging in as he whispered in Valyrian. You were unsure of exactly what he was doing, but fingers wrenched into your right thigh, muscles tensing as you cried out. His swollen eyes opened briefly, purple and blazing. Suddenly the whispers turned to growls before his eyes closed one last time. Īlē ivestretan

You woke up to the shaking of the wolf’s head. Sabitha yelled as she was pulled away from your side. A scream wrenched from your lips as the canine bit into your leg. You panicked suddenly, bringing your boot to kick at its head before angling your foot so the steel toe collided with the wolf’s temple. It let out a pained whimper and you didn’t give it a moment to recover. You were on it in a second with a rock you had grabbed and promptly bashed it into the creature's head. Grunts of exertion left you as you slammed the rock back into the ruined mess of skull and brains, unable to see from the tears blurring your vision. A hand was suddenly placed on your shoulder, and you choked out a sob as Nettles pulled you back from atop the body. A buzzing sounded in your ears, and your vision started to blur. Your thigh looked like ground beef when you could see it clearly, and Nettles moved to wrap a makeshift tourniquet around it. When it was done, she helped lift you to stand. Left arm wrapped around Nettles’s shoulder, the pair of you walked towards where the rest of the group was gathered. Your gait grew unsteadier, and you were unprepared for the sight of Sabitha on the ground. The lower right half of her face had been torn apart by the wolves, her teeth visible through the holes in her cheeks. Aly kneeled beside her, wailing while holding the vertebra. Streams of blood oozed from Sabitha’s face as you collapsed against Nettles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sabitha :(

Black Metal Barba’s Jam

Taglist: @chainsawsangel

[hyenahunt]

Saga: Rivals - 30

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Seiya, Tori, Hokuto, Chiaki, Hiyori, Jun

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Jun: My parents’ blood runs through my very veins. There's no way I can ever disregard that so easily.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Reverse Live Stage

Seiya: 3, 2, 1… All right. The video ended right on time.

Well then, everyone. Are you ready?

It’s time for the fateful third song that shall decide our match.

Surely you won’t tell me that you're spent, of course? You’re still so young compared to me, so please hold out for a little longer.

Tori: …Say, Hidaka-senpai, I’ve been wondering. How old is Seiya-san? He looks super young.

Hokuto: Not a clue. Like Mother, his age is a mystery.

I can probably find out if I just try to calculate it, but up till now I've always hated looking like I hold any interest in them.

I’ve had to ask him out of necessity a few times in the past, but…

He's always dodged the question with something by saying something like “Super Idols don’t age.”

Tori: Ahaha, what's with that? He’s not some kinda spirit or anything.

Seiya: Fufu. That's not quite true, this time around. Have you forgotten? We bear the name of Lilith, the queen of demons.

Chiaki: Hmm. About that — My friend was really curious about it. He wondered why you didn’t choose a more favorable name.

Hiyori: Right, right? I shared the same sentiments, so I tried pushing over and over for a more holier, noble name — “Gabriel”, for example!

But of course, Hidaka-sensei wouldn’t listen at all~

Seiya: Hmm, I'm not too sure about the sound of Gabriel, either… I don’t understand the tastes of young people.

Well, there’s essentially not all that much meaning in the name. But since Lilith is a unit intended for Jun-kun…

I chose a name that would portray him in a good light, while simultaneously tying the theme back to Eve.

Jun: …Intended for me? What d'you mean by that? I feel like you’ve said that a couple times before, too~

Plus you've even made me Lilith's center, too, even though I'm usually just the lowly underling.

'Course, I’m completely aware that you've set things up for my sake.

The video made me even more certain 'bout it. I feel bad making you go through all this trouble just for me, honestly~

Hokuto: Hmm, what exactly was the video about?

Father was distracting me so I couldn’t really watch, but… it wasn’t anything scandalous, was it?

Jun: Well, not really… It’s personally embarrassing for me, but it's no scandal, at least~

It's kinda like those videos people play at weddings, you feel?

Hokuto: Weddings? What do you mean?

Jun: As I'm tryna say… Turns out it was a message from my damn old man, where he went on and on 'bout his memories of me and even went and congratulated me to my face.

Ugh~ I wanted to disappear on the spot.

Hokuto: Your father, Sazanami? So that would mean — Sagami-sensei’s old rival…?

Jun: Yep, the very same one. It's been bugging me this whole time, y'know, wondering why he didn’t appear as a Mentor for Project-Saga…

But now that I've watched that video, it seems like he'd gotten an offer but flat-out rejected it.

Hiyori: Fufu. Until a little while ago, Jun-kun, we had to keep Project-Saga under wraps from you, so it seems your father had to be hushed up as well.

Well, not that you ever went back home, so perhaps that might’ve been unnecessary.

Jun: Nah, I do at least call home from time to time, y’know? So eh, shutting him up was a good call~

After all, there was a good chance that he’s still plagued by his past.

Hiyori: That's true. All the same, by the looks of the video, it seems he may have finally found some peace of mind.

I'm sure he must be so relieved to see how splendidly you've matured. He seemed a far kinder father than what I’ve heard from you ♪

Jun: It's precisely the kind and sincere sort that’s the most hideous once they snap.

…Well, he was cuddling up with the old lady and all smiles in the video, so I guess I’ve got nothing to worry about for now on that note~

Jun: …Honestly, I haven’t had a real convo with them in a while. Maybe after all this is over, it'd be a good idea to drop by and show my face.

Hokuto: Hmm, I don’t quite understand. Just why was that video played?

It seems that Sazanami’s complications with his father have been resolved and well, that's great, but…?

Jun: They won’t ever get resolved, y'know? They'll probably continue on for life. And surely you’re the same way, Hokuto-san~

Jun: My parents’ blood runs through my very veins. There's no way I can ever disregard that so easily.

Jun: 'Course, that’s what makes it a problem~ So at the very least, I wanna earn some pride for the blood that flows through me.

Hokuto: Fufu. You look liberated, Sazanami.

Jun: Nah, if anything this is my confused face. I feel like a dumbass for how much I've agonised over all this… I mean, I've lived my whole damn life resenting my old man.

But in that video… He apologized over and over to me.

Seems like by the time I'd told you my tale in the sleeping room, he was already well aware and regretful of his mistakes.

Hokuto: I see… You said your parents exploded on you, just that once, and everything fell apart.

Jun: Yep. The old lady was crying all the time then, but turns out she'd also been furious.

Since then, those two’ve talked things over many times, apparently… They’ve reflected on their ways, and now they're working on turning over a new leaf.

I've kept my distance this whole time since I never wanted to go through something like that again, so I hadn't noticed it…

But y’know, what good is apologizing to me now gonna do, right~?

It's not like we can go back to how we were. But well, I guess it did get a load off my chest, at least.

Jun: I've been worried 'bout them for the longest time, too… So if they can move on and live life to the fullest from now on, then that's all I could ask for.

[ ☆ ]

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[glasyasbutch]

playlist: the sloppy seconds au

its MY spotify profile and i'll make a serious playlist for a porn au of my d&d campaign if i WANT TO

link to playlist on spotify

explanations below the cut

ok before we get too into it. you're probably wondering. hey girl. why's it called the "sloppy seconds au". well.

ok anyways here's the playlist

1. In the Middle by Dodie

You said you're into closure, shake hands like you're supposed to / I'll be in the middle while you two get along / You've got so much in common, talk about your taste in women / I'll be in the middle while you two get along

To quote bekah, "enter kez, looking to be the filling in a big paladin sandwich"

This one's ALSO on the Daykez good ending playlist, mostly to represent the fact that this is an AU but only so barely. I described it as like that episode of Star Trek where there's two Voyagers existing at the exact same point in spacetime and they have to blow up one of the Voyagers in order for the other to survive. That's what was happening with sloppy seconds vs. the canon daybreak confession and sloppy seconds just happened to be the one that got blown up.

2. You're Sexy, I'm Sexy by Eric Nam

It could be simple as, it could be simple as / Loving on each other with no strings / It could be simple as, it could be simple as / We got more in common than you think / You're sexy, I'm sexy, You want me, I want you too / We all need somebody and mine is right here for you

wheeeeeee kez likes to have fun

3. Fuck Up the Friendship by Leah Kate

Let's fuck up the friendship, come, get in my head / Baby, cut the tension, I'm hung by a thread / Maybe it's something, but let's not pretend / Or maybe it's nothing and this is the end

daybreak, abnormal: yeah man let's both have sex with this person who thought we were dating and wanted in on that. we can be so normal with each other about it

4. Girls / Girls / Boys by Panic! at the Disco

I don't wanna hear you've got a boyfriend / Sometimes, you're better off alone / But if you change your mind, you know where I am / Yeah, if you change your mind, you know where to find me / 'Cause I don't ever wanna be your boyfriend / And never did I think that I would be caught in the way you got me / Push another girl aside and just give in

You will never get away from the sound of the woman band who loves you got you through middle school

Anyways enjoy this song about Brendon Urie's first threesome that's the only reason I put it on here

5. Somebody Told Me by The Killers

Well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend / Who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year / It's not confidential, I've got potential

there's a lot of gender happening in all three of them

6. Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield

You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute / I wanna tell her that I love her but that point is probably moot / 'Cause she's watching him with those eyes / She's loving him with that body, I just know it / And he's holding her in his arms late at night / I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Yes, okay, it's another memed up song. Except it's real. It's real. You just have to listen to it and imagine with me. Sometimes things that are bits can actually be SO. That's what happened with ... this entire au to be completely honest.

7. Post-Break Up Sex by The Vaccines

To think I'd hoped you'd be okay, no, I can't think of what to say / Maybe I misunderstood, but I can't believe you're feeling good from / Post break-up sex that helps you forget your ex / What did you expect from post break-up sex?

To be SO clear. Just in case you somehow got to this playlist without the context of any of the other ones. Day and Break were basically married for several hundred years and then got divorced and in this version of the story, the kez situationship happened to pop up after they had caught feelings for a second time, but before they had told each other they had feelings and were both still convinced it was one-sided.

8. Jolene by Dolly Parton

Your beauty is beyond compare / With flaming locks of auburn hair / With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green / Your smile is like a breath of spring / Your voice is soft like summer rain / And I cannot compete with you, Jolene

I'm a FIRM believer in Jolene being a gay girl anthem. She wanted to fuck Jolene so bad it made her look stupid. Anyways Day and Break are each other's Jolenes.

9. Girl Crush by Little Big Town

I don't get no sleep, I don't get no peace / Thinkin' about her under your bed sheets / The way that she's whisperin', the way that she's pullin' you in / Lord knows I've tried, I can't get her off my mind / I wanna taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you

Oh you wanted the porn au to be horny? You wanted it to be horny? FUCK YOU. pining and feelings.

In this au Day and Break did end up falling fully for Kez and becoming a proper poly relationship like they did in canon, it just happened in a slightly different order. This is the first, really shoved down, inklings of feelings for kez happening Real

10. Becky's So Hot by Fletcher

And I don't really blame you 'cause / Damn, the waist, the hips, the face, this is awkward / Are you in love like we were? / If I were you, I'd probably keep her / Makes me wanna hit her when I see her / 'Cause Becky's so hot in your vintage t-shirt / Ooh, she's the one I should hate / But I wanna know how she tastes

insane horny dyke shit

11. Unholy by Hey Violet

I'm having thoughts all the time, you and I, and they won't go away / But I kinda like what it's like in my mind and I don't wanna be saved / Every night I'm undressing with him and I'm thinking of you / Yeah, I know it's the wrong thing to do, but I kinda want to / Say your name while our tongues are tied, getting shivers all down my spine / We're in bed, we're embedded in my mind

insane horny dyke shit

12. Better Kind of Best Friend by Xana

Can't stay away from each other, don't have the power, you know I'm a sucker / Watch as I swallow my pride along with you tonight / She tastes like heaven and she knows it, loves me and she shows it / Grinnin' up at her like damn, I could be a better kind of best friend / With my hand down her waistband, baby, I'm a fan / I don't die for my women anymore

insane horny dyke shit

also "I don't die for my women anymore, I kill for them" is something that can be SO paladin romance

13. she calls me daddy by KiNG MALA

Says she likes when I play king, little play thing / Yeah my girl likes the way I wear my crown / You should see their face when they finally realize / That she plays with the boys, but she comes home to me / Want to change her mind but I think it unwise / 'Cause she might be your girl but she’s calling me daddy

insane horny dyke shit

Also, it's a canon fact about Day that she likes being bossed around during sex. ESPECIALLY when its him (6'6ish, insane CON, literal slab of brick) being put in his place by kez (5'0 flat, 8 CON, 98 pounds soaking wet). I said somewhere the hottest thing you could say to Day is "you couldn't do a thing to stop me"

14. 20 Questions by Zolita

Was she sweet? Did you cry? Was it everything you wanted? / Was she drunk? Were you high? Did you fuck her in the closet? / Did she say, "I love you" like the way I used to? / Was it quick? Was it long? Did you do it how I like it? / With the lights kinda on, was she loud or was she quiet? / Did she say, "I love you" like the way I used to? / I got twenty questions for you

THEEEEEEEEEEE song of the entire playlist. The one that started it all. It's not actually about confronting about your cheating partner, it's about getting in bed with the person who was just in your ex's bed 10 minutes ago and the entire time it's just “you wanna know what we did?” it’s “you wanna know what they felt like? it's "tell me what she said to you, tell me what she did to you, tell me what she said about Me and let me take it out on you" it's “she told me to give you this”

15. I Get Off by Halestorm

There's so much left unspoken between the two of us / It's so much more exciting to look when you can't touch / You could say I'm different and maybe I'm a freak / But I know how to twist you to bring you to your knees / I get off on you getting off on me

At first, it was just them getting off on hearing kez say what the other one did or just straight up hearing it. tents not particularly soundproof. But eventually, that wasn't enough.

Day was always the more impatient one, so, she uh. She just walked into Break's tent in the middle of it and took off her clothes, sat down with his bare thigh less than an inch away from Break's, refused to acknowledge Break, and instead grabbed Kez by the jaw and said "I'm here whenever you're ready, darling."

And then THAT stopped being enough and they started fully having sex with kez at the same time but refused to touch each other or talk to each other or say each other's names. Kez had to pass all the messages back and forth (RIP her ability to kiss or give head ever).

Very normalstyle.

16. she knows it by Maggie Lindemann

Yeah, it's like ecstasy when you're next to me / Think that you should leave him and stay with me / I like a girl that's got a boyfriend / Can't seem to get her out of my head / And she knows it should be me in her bed / Yeah, she knows it, she knows it, she knows it

back on my kez pining bullshit. Is kez the boyfriend? or is kez the girl they like. teehee.

17. I Go Crazy by Orla Garland

Three words, two hearts, one maybe / Say something before I go crazy now / And my tears, your tears, don't phase me / Say something before I go crazy now

there came a point in the sloppy seconds au where day and break were so clearly pining for each other and fucking kez so insane style about it that they went. look. whatever's happening here has been great and fun but you NEED to figure your shit out. and gave them a date and time for the next threesome and then no-showed and hoped (correctly) that the horniness would be too much and day and break would just fuck each other instead.

18. Her Too by girli

So you came along when I needed more time / And I'm glad you did, but that doesn't delete her, so / I'm crying at weird times, and I can't keep carrying three hearts inside / If the old love said she wants me back, but the new crush has me in her hand / I don't know who I'd run to 'cause I'm loving both the views

as a known girli girly, i had to put Something of hers on here. and "more than a friend" is insane horny dyke shit but we already had xana better kind of best friend. so instead take one of the only two good songs on her new album

20. Would You Mind by Friday Pilots Club

While she's wasting away she'll say there's no meaning / To his touch, his love, but she still needs to blame it on me / Did you need someone else to help you forget the reason / That you fell for me at all in this hell of a season / If I spend the night in the gaze of strange eyes / Would you mind, dear, oh would you mind?

Courtesy of bekah/the rallie playlist: I can barely even listen to this song it makes me so uniquely unwell.

It's just. It's SO! All of it, all of it, was about pushing the other's buttons, to make them realize how bad they still wanted you. Would you mind if I did that with someone else? Would you mind if I touched them the way I used to with you? Would you mind if I talked to them the way I used to with you? Would you mind if they looked at me the way you used to? Oh, I know you'd mind.

20. It's Only Sex by Car Seat Headrest

Okay, so I’ve been reading all the sex blogs, and they all talk about how okay it is to be gay and straight and bisexual and asexual and have sex however you like. But I don’t care about hundreds of hypothetical people and their hypothetical sex deals. I care about me, and my sex deal! What about my problems?

don't worry about everything else i wrote on every other explanation the sloppy seconds au is so normal and regular and cool and normal. Of course it doesn't mean anything serious. Haha.

Would you mind? No, It's Only Sex.

You have now reached the end of the true playlist. However ....

BONUS TRACK: Pink Panther by Scene Queen

Please don't call, I need another hour / Three more girls are piling in the shower / Don't call, you know I can't answer / Getting pussy like Pink Panther

I couldn't find a spot in the main section that including this didn't feel like like i was doing a bit. but kez pov

BONUS TRACK: Do Not Disturb by Halestorm

I think we should make out, in a few hours I'm getting on a plane / There's a pretty safe bet you'll never see me again, yeah / I love your accent, I wonder what it'll sound like when you cum / Let's see if Blondes or Brunettes are more fun / I'm on the very top floor room 1334 / There's a king size bed, but we can do it on the floor / Turn your cellphone off, leave a sign on the door that says "Do not disturb" / And if I were you I'd bring your girlfriend, too / Two is better than one, three is better than two

If I wasn't already attached to In the Middle a normal amount, this would've been the playlist opener. Really captures the energy of, not quite 48 hours after meeting for the first time, Kez asking Daybreak if they want a third.

BONUS TRACK: Sick Bitch - River Moon Remix by LSDXOXO, River Moon

I'M A SICK BITCH AND I LIKE FREAK SEX IF YOU WANNA TEST THE LIMITS OF MY GAG REFLEX IF YOU WANNA PUT IN WORK YOU GOTTA GO BERSERK YOU GOTTA MAKE IT HURT IF YOU WANNA MAKE IT SQUIRT, UNH

morgan loves this song - she practically begged me to put it on the playlist, so, you know, i let her twist my arm

[hoodies-n-cola]

Tell us about that concert :)

All those details :)

OUGH okay so me, CL, and SL (CL's husband) went to Autoheart's first US tour :D

We had to wait in a p long line before the show, but we talk loud so some of the people behind us were laughing at the stuff we were saying n that's always fun :> the merch line was long as well, but I got 2 CDs and a shirt <3 (they didn't have the third CD there, but for some reason they had them at later concerts? I don't get that but I'm angy, I don't wanna pay like $22 shipping for a $13 CD ;0; )

Anyway the show started with the first opener, RAEGAN. She was p cool, her music was very punchy n we got to participate at one point n shout "FUCK RAEGAN" but like, there were a couple minors and a lot of nice people not entirely willing to yell that so it wasn't as loud as it could've been u,u

The second lady came up, Pidgeon Pit, and oh man her energy was amazing! She was all over the stage with her guitar, her songs were toothy and some political (in a good way) and she gave off hardcore big sister vibes, she was great :D she even had a moment of like, well for context Autoheart is popular with the gays bc it's a gay band (I know for sure the lead singer is gay but idk about the other two) so of course the queers were out in full force n the lead singer is a trans woman herself, so she gave a big shoutout to all the trans people in the audience (like me and some of the people to my right, who I made a bet with on Autoheart's opening song hehe) and it was nice to be in a room with so many people shouting for trans people instead of against them

OH BUT THE MAIN COURSE HOLY SHIT

Okay so I'll be using names; Jody is the lead singer, Simon is on keys, Barney is on guitar, and he's not a member of the band but Adam handled drums, he was fantastic <3

Anyway so they call come out on stage, Jody first, and he's got these genuine Gucci shades on that are so round and thick, it was so cute X3 he also had a suit jacket on that was a pinkish-reddish color over a black shirt, it was such a good look ;; Simon had jeans, a red Dickey's shirt, and a white short sleeve button up over that And Barney I believe had a graphic tee and jeans, but he also had a jean jacket on when we saw them after the show

Their first song is Lent bc of course it would be and everyone was singing along and like, god first of all, this is genuinely my favorite band ever of all time, I don't dislike a single one of their songs, I have them all saved to my Spotify, so you know I'm crazy about it, second I kinda face a lot of "oh that's what you're listening to?" (/neg) at home when I try to play Autoheart, and third I was with two of my favorite people in the world So believe me when I say I was FEELING it, being in a crowd of people who knew every word I knew, every vocal flourish in every word to the point the audience could all be heard doing the same vocal flourish from the base song that he did differently live, it fuckin got me man, I'd never felt so connected and part of something great like that ;0;

And of course the band is just going, they're playing banger after banger, Jody making these cute little smiles n doing these cute little dances and moves with his hands as he's singing, he was a joy to watch Barney was killing it on the guitar over there too, he was also doing backing vocals and he sounds so nice!! I'm not fully sure if he does backing vocals on all the songs or if it was just for live, but if it was just for live, then I hope they let him back up on more songs cause he was wonderful <3 Simon, oh man, don't even get me started, his work on the keyboard is part of why I fell in love with Autoheart in the first place, their first albums and EPs being FULL of those deep, punchy piano work, it's so good ;;;; oh and his tambourine work was great too, he was on that on the more lowkey songs And of course Adam was fantastic, filling the room with percussion when it calls for it omg dude was killer!

Oh oh and the LIGHTS oh man during "Time Machine", there's the line "voices/7 of them inside of me/each requiring autonomy" (referencing the 7 deadly sins) n when Jody got to that point, he'd do a Y pose, reaching his arms up as he's bathed in green light and subtle smoke, it was religious ;;;;

AND THE BEST PART IS WE GOT TO MEET THEM AFTERWARDS

Unfortunately we had to do it out on the back patio where the radio was turned up; I'm hard of hearing n they couldn't turn the radio down, so I could barely hear them ;-; But we got to meet them and get things signed and I got to tell them how much they all mean to me and I got to hug Jody ;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Last thing though, for those of you who know about me n CL's EW OCs known as the blormas, I imagine you're familiar with Joey. Joey himself is based on Jody, and a lot of his personality is based on the songs, so of course I had to draw a Joey for them all to sign, and they did <3 They were pretty impressed with the fact that I did it with pencils on paper and it made me blush ngl ;;

[blueeyedgrlwrites]

Alright kids. I spent 24 straight hours watching RWRB on loop (not kidding). And the only reason it wasn't more was because my dog decided to lay on the remote and turn the TV off late last night. She got glared at rather harshly for all of 3 seconds before my rational brain kicked in and told me, "Yes, Meg, you do actually need to sleep. You are closer to 40 than 20."

So with that, as I once again rewatch the RWRB movie, let's have some thoughts on book to movie adaptations from a fandom grandma, shall we?

First, Casey's book is beloved by so many and for all the right reasons. They gave us an iconically beautiful and unapologetic queer love story with characters that you love, get frustrated with, laugh both at and with, cheer for, and roll your eyes at as they stumble around figuring out this whole queer-in-the-public-eye thing and I don't care who you are, I'd imagine that's going to be tough for any public figure at any age.

Casey also gives us fleshed out and sometimes interwoven storylines with June, Nora, Pez, Luna, Bea, et al. Because writing allows for that to develop. There's no time or page limit on a book. The only limit to the book is the writer's imagination. It's an artistic medium that allows for more intricacies and interactions between the various characters (looking at Alex and Ellen and the PowerPoint, and Alex and Bea and "I love him on purpose").

I loved the book first, and I will continue to love the book above all else.

But book to movie adaptations are never going to be the same. They simply can't be the same. They have a finite amount of time to fill. They can't develop intricate storylines, which is why we see no June, no Luna, little of Percy, Alex's parents being married instead of divorced, nothing on Bea's addiction, and why we have little bastards like Miguel to still fill the main event that brings both Alex and Henry out into the public as their true, authentic selves.

The best book to movie adaptations are those that stay true to the plot. It's going to be faster paced because there's 2-2.5 hours in which to tell the story and all the main events have to be hit in that time. It's why we see the texting montage, and why the emails are done via voice over.

They honor the characters by not only keeping them as they are in the books, but in doing right by them as well. That includes casting the right people, and Taylor and Nick were far and away the best Alex and Henry.

Any creator who has ever created anything based on a book, movie, TV series, video game, etc. knows that when you take something that is already out there, you put your vision to the story. And that's what Matthew did with the movie. He made it his love letter to Henry and Alex, and Henry and Alex only. And while he surely had input from Casey, ultimately it was his vision that had to be realized in the movie.

Movie adaptations can also give you some wonderful added moments. And here we get to see Henry's struggle as well as Alex's. Because movies can be told from different points of view, even if the source material isn't. Ellen's powerpoint wasn't included, but it was referenced and that is just as important.

So many moments, from Alex and Henry's first kiss, to the conversation with Alex's dad, to Henry's soliloquy to Alex in the middle of the night at KP are still pulled word-for-word straight from the book.

We may not have "I love him on purpose." But we do have, "I'll break the sound barrier for you."

We don't get "Your Song" but we do get "Can't Help Falling in Love" and both are equally appropriate for what Alex and Henry have.

We get to keep, "history huh? Bet we could make some."

And we get to see Henry fight for himself and question why the established norms of a 21st century monarchy need to continue the way they've always been, rather than have his mum swoop in and save the day. And that is fucking brilliant character growth my friends.

No movie is ever going to be a scene by scene rehash of a book, no matter how beloved it is, and no matter how enthusiastically all of us shout that we would absolutely sit for a 10 hour movie of every little thing TYVM. But as long as it is there to be an ode to the original, to compliment it, then that's all you can ask for. And it's all you should ask for.

[martianbugsbunny]

MartianBugsBunny Reviews: The Music of Wish

I'v been working on this for the past week or so and I have now seen the movie...eight times I think? Four on one Sunday and four on the next lmao

Let’s get the basics out of the way first! Overall, a lot of these songs were mediocre but probably would’ve been things I’d sing in the shower ad nauseam if it weren’t for one or two really horrible lines. That’s kind of the overall theme of the music from Wish, to be honest. I liked the music/tunes of most of these, though. I also noticed that the lyrics have this weird dichotomy of “let’s rhyme these things even if it doesn’t make sense” and “let’s just not care about the rhymes,” both of which were kind of off-putting to me.

I think the voices they got to sing this stuff were MEGA wasted. Ariana DeBose has the most heavenly voice; her higher register has a gorgeous sound. Chris Pine is better at singing than I would've expected. Both of them are good at those subtle shifts in pitch (I think it's called melisma? but don't quote me on that) that I can and will go nuts over. They deserved better material to work with. Now onto the specifics! I’m gonna rank each song out of ten (totally arbitrary lol) and ramble about why for a while. It's not too long, so if you have a little time on yours hands, read on and enjoy!

Welcome To Rosas 5/10 Not bad. It terms of tune, it has some decent flavor, but the lyrics are pretty forgettable. I think using a song to set up the concepts that they did was a good idea, like the first song in Encanto, but I just don't like it much. I think part of that is the informal tone??? like when Asha says "so like, we have this king" or "I'm totally kidding" or "oh hey, did I mention," that kinda gets on my nerves. and yes, I'm well aware that's a little hypocritical bc The Family Madrigal did some of the same things, but WTR isn't super strong to begin with so I instantly become more annoyed at the little details. Also, Asha's literally being a tour guide for the kingdom and that's not professional imo.

At All Costs …… I’m not scoring this one. I don’t know how to. I’m addicted to the chorus, that’s the first thing I’ll say; I watched Wish four times on the first day I watched it, and that was the first part I started singing along with. The harmonies get into my gut. But honestly, in terms of context, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The lyrics sound like they should be directed at a person, not inanimate objects, which takes me out of the moment when I’m watching the movie. Some parts are a little clumsy, but if I’m viewing it as a love song it’s stunning, and DeBose and Pine's voices are heavenly together. I will say that subjectively, it's my favorite song in the soundtrack, I fell for it so hard and fast. <3

This Wish 7/10 In terms of Disney “I Want” songs this is at the bottom of the rankings, let’s be real. I like the sound of it, especially the non-syllabic vocalizations at the end of the chorus, but a lot of the lyrics just do not hit. Now, I will say that I saw a lot of people ragging on “to have something more for us than this,” and that’s actually one of my favorite parts of the song. It captures that feeling of longing for more without knowing exactly what that means or how to phrase it out loud so neatly. On the other hand, I definitely agree with the critiques of “throwing caution to every warning sign,” that’s one of my least favorite lyrics in the whole movie.

You’re A Star 6/10 Oddly, this one was less horrible than I expected. It delivered absolutely nothing, don’t get me wrong. It tried to tackle the idea of people and stars being made out of the same stuff and basically living as different notes in the same symphony and failed spectacularly. The big question “have you ever wondered why you look up at the sky for answers?” was one of my favorite lyrics in the entire soundtrack and there was NO payoff. (Plus, if I mixed up “elegant” and “eloquent” in a multi-million dollar movie I would never be able to look myself in the face again.) The entire second half of the song was pure lyrical garbage. But I like the tune and the animals are pretty cute, and despite being relatively hollow I found myself enjoying this one.

This Is The Thanks I Get 7/10 I’ve already said this but I’m gonna repeat myself: tonally this song was all wrong. 0/10 for that if I’m being perfectly honest. Something more along the lines of Hellfire or Be Prepared would’ve hit a lot harder—more sinister, more in line with the descent-into-madness thing that was occurring in the plot, would’ve improved this section of the soundtrack SO MUCH. With that complaint out of the way, the song we got was fine. Some of the lines were either poorly-written or repetitive, but as a whole I kind of enjoy it and would definitely dance around amateurishly in my room to it. It’s just too silly.

Knowing What We Know Now 1/10 This was my least favorite song in the entire movie. I just hate it. The lyrics are so sloppy.

This Wish (Reprise) 7/10 Honestly I think I liked this part better than the original song. Asha starting by herself and gradually being joined by her friends and the entire city was incredibly moving, and I might go so far as to say that this was the most powerful moment of the movie. I also enjoyed the twists on the original lyrics, particularly “we’re past dipping our toes in, we know it’s do or die, it’s sink or swim.” That part just felt really well done.