#if you don’t look at the situation in context you will just project your own dogma onto it

[ciswomenofficial]

TFW you just measure whether a society does something that you consider to be “bad” and if it does you measure it to be a failure and you ignore all the ways that it was vastly better than what came before or after it.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

[potteraep]

Hii, if you're looking for requests, maybe academic rivals to lovers with regulus?

Pick a side

“How are you so smart but such. an idiot?”

“ I don’t know, but I guess now your stuck with me

-the way you can tell I gave up half way and lost all my ideas this is so bad I’m sorry 😭

-regulus black x gn!reader

God you hated that boy. That’s stupid pureblood who couldn’t get enough of himself that idiot regulus black

That stupid smirk on his face everytime he beat you on any subject and the fact he knew he could always outdo you in some way.

you didn’t exactly know how it started, the hatred you both seemed to have for each-other for as long as you can remember you both just needing the validation at being the top of your classes and he was always in the way of that

regulus was like a thorn on a rose, sure he was handsome and charming, you weren’t going to lie on that. But he was just such a pain to deal with atleast to you. He didn’t seem to exactly want the spotlight but he was always in it and he wasn’t totally against it

every Student knew that having the two of you in the same room would be a disaster always at neck and neck to be on the top. Merlin even the professors seemed to be sweating when you two were put in their same class

So maybe slughorn was done with your stupid rivalry, or maybe just maybe he wanted to make a fool of you when he decided having you be partners in the same potions assignment was a good idea

When slughorn both pulled your names out of his cauldron selecting you to be partners he laughed. Laughed? There was nothing funny about this you had to deal with that regulus for a month. A month! On some project you didn’t even care to know the context of you were more frustrated at this situation

you groaned as everyone began going to your partner. You were not going up to regulus first not in a million years would you want to be without 2 feet of that boy.

“ you seem excited.” Said a voice you knew all to well as they pulled up the chair beside you to seat themselves a hand on their book and the other on their cheek

you didn’t even want to look at him you thought you’d punch him if you saw that idiotic smirk on his face you would bet he had.

“ very excited,black.” You said sarcastically rollling your eyes and not meeting his own not wanting to give him the time of day to see just how much you hated this

“ ah the last name very friendly,”

“ atleast now you don’t have to worry about failing at all” he said proudly

“ I was never going to fail black Dont get your wand in a nott” you muttered clenching your jaw

“ oh I’m sure but you wouldn’t have been the top student now would you? Chére” he said proud of his own words that didn’t seem bitter but he wanted to get a reaction out of you

you gripped your potions book at his words they didn’t hurt you no but they did frustrate you. Especially that stupid nickname

“ Dont get ahead of yourself black I’m sure I would’ve been the top student you don’t even know” you said not wanting to continue this conversation

“ maybe but we’ll never know will we cuz now your stuck with me” he said as if it was funny before the bells wrung signaling the end of the class

“ hmm well we’ll talk later im sure” he said with a small wink as he walked away and out of the class

“Dear Merlin I hope not.” You whispered to yourself as you got up and left to your own time

“I hate him so much!” You said standing in the gryfindor common room pausing around the room while your friends say their laughing at your antics

“ look he can’t be that bad” Remus said a book in his hand as he sat on the sofa a small smile on his lips at your antics

“ exactly he might be a pure blood and all but he’s always quite and doesn’t do nothing he can’t really be as bad as you say love” lily evans says taking her seat on the floor infront of the sofa

“ he is that bad tho! He’s always trying to get under my skin and do Better than me and it’s just so aggravating!” You said taking a seat next to Remus with your hands in your hair

Remus and lily both looked at eachother with a small smile “ look love you could atleast try to get along with him? Try not to worry about how much you hate him and act like you definitely never hated him please just try to ok?” They smiled encouragingly at you hoping you would try to get along with him

“…alright” you said stubbornly as they both smiled back at you with a small nod

“ now I think you should sleep big day ahead of you hm?” Remus said as lily laughed and pushed his leg to stop teasing you

“ I guess your right… goodnight then moony, lily” you said rubbing your eyes and yawning

“ goodnight y/n” they both said

the next day you walked Into potions I little less with the impression that you’d hate your day you sat next to regulus as he looked at you with a small smirk and you smiled back st him

I mean the smile was fake of course but it still seemed real to him he smiled back normally not a smile full of bitterness and venom but one of welcoming

Wierd. You thought

“morning, you said sitting down and not looking at him but straight at your potions book

“…morning” he said softly as if he was suprised by you not coming into the class and punching him” you wake up on the right side of the bed today?”

you shrugged “ I just don’t wanna argue every day with someone I have to deal with for a month”

he paused “ that’s fair” he shrugged and smiled at you “ but I’ll still bother you. Just a little atleast” he whispered with a small smile as he looked at you

and finally you looked him in the eyes with a smile “ I guess that’s alright.”

and this had continued for a month.

But you weren’t complaining. Over that month that you thought you’d hate you really enjoyed regulus’s company he had snucken up on you and became all you thought about and as much as you hated to admit it.

You might have just fallen in love with regulus black.

”cmon guys I don’t like regulus!” You said to your friends at the gryfindor table they snickered at your words

“ y/n you started calling him Reggie when your with him” Remus pointed out as he stuck a peice of toast in his mouth

“ you went to his dorm to study and he walked you back.” Lily added “ good that he walked you back and all but you can’t possibly be like this with him and say you don’t have feelings at all” she said matter-of-factly.

you groaned and looked back at the slytherian table and saw regulus with Barty crouch jr and Evan rosier.

he caught your eyes and gave you a toothy smile and a wave as you smiled back at him and turned back to your friends

“….maybe” you mumbled taking a sip of your drink

“ definitely!” Remus and Lily with a small laugh before everyone going to their classes distracted you

“ tell ya what you go into that potions class and talk to regulus and yk see what happens?” Remus said “ if he doesn’t like you I’ll make sure I don’t take my potion this month” he whispered as lily nudged his arm with a laugh

You scoffed and picked up your potions boom “ alright.. I’ll tell you guys later but I gotta go bye!” You said while walking away

“ bye! Make us proud!” They yelled back their laughs fading as you left the hall

When you reached the class you were beyond nervous your last day. This might be the last time you Talk to Regulus without it having a reason behind it

“hello chére” regulus said coming up next to you and taking his seat giving you a warm smile

“Morning Reggie” you smiled at him as his pale cheeks turned a soft pink

“last day”he reminded you with a soft glint in his eye you didn’t recognize

“yeah” you said with a sad smile “let’s be make the most of it then” you said trying to make it less awkward

he smiled softly back at you “yea.. we should”

“ I’ll miss our time together chére”

“ I will to reg”

and then it had ended. That bell rang and it was over. And it was gone for a week a week since you saw regulus black

That stupid week had passed and you hated it sure you saw him in class but he didn’t even look at you and when he did it lasted a second before he turned away like you never existed and you didn’t know why

to get your mind off it you went to the astronomy tower late at night when no one would be there

sure it was stupid and you might get caught but you couldn’t bare to sit and your dorm and think about regulus for another moment

why did it hurt so much? Losing him? You hated him. Atleast you were supposed to be was a pure blood who thought about nothing but himself

But he wasn’t. he was sweet and kind and cared about his friends like they were the only thing on the planet he just couldn’t show that. Not when he was apart of the black family and it’s not like he could ever look a halfblood like you

but why is it that it had hurt to think like that? You hated him he was just regulus black

“Y/n?” A voice said catching you away from your own thoughts a voice you didn’t expect to hear

“ regg.. regulus?” You said catching yourself before you said something wrong

“Why are you here?” He asked a eyebrow raised his messy brown curls shining in the moon and his eyes fixed on you with a little worry

“ just getting air but I should leave now.” You said standing up and walking towards the door to pass him before he grabbed your hand

“Dont leave.. please” he said gripping your hand softly looking into your eyes with a soft look

“ regulus. We haven’t talked in a week I thought you hated me still that it was just for a project you even talked to me like a normal person” you said looking to the side not wanting to meet his eyes scared to what you’d see

“ that’s not what it is… I don’t hate you I never have..”he admitted “ it’s the opposite”

“what?” You said

“Look, this month of time we’ve spent together was so fun and.. I don’t know what is it but something’s changed” he admitted looking into your eyes deeply a small frown on his lips

“ what? Regulus what are you trying to say?”you said softly titling your head to the side

“ y/n I don’t hate you I never have your lovely and now? It’s worse. It’s the opposite of hating you your all I can think about and I thought that maybe if I ignored you I wouldn’t feel like this and-“

but you cut him off before he could continue with a kiss to his lips

yea that’ll shut him up. You thought

you pressed your lips against his softly and pressing your hand to his cheek before pulling away

“ love? Is that what your feeling”

“…yes” he said looking in your eyes

“ well I feel that to for you Regulus”you smiled at him as he smiled back

and then he was the one to kiss you with his hands on your waist and yours around his neck

“ so now I can do this as much as I want?” He smiled

“ as much as you want.” You laughed

And he kissed you again as if it were the first time and you hoped it wouldn’t be the last

[bestworstcase]

Thanks for your response ala Ruby & Yang, great stuff!

Idle aside, but do you have any thoughts on Yang's role as the sort of black sheep of the family by dint of Raven associations?

Cos like, Tai overtly favors Ruby, projects Raven onto Yang, resents Raven being rough up and is bad enough about reminders of her Yang feels she has to apologize for his negative reactions. Let alone his... Everything else.

Then there's Qrow who doesn't seem to interact with Yang over much at all and one of if not their most major interaction. Involves him straight up saying he thinks she's either a liar hurting people for fun or "crazy".

I recall someone I was chatting with wondering: Imagine doing everything you can to keep your family from breaking apart & being compared to the woman who left you when you were a baby?

Cos I do wonder how Yang feels about all that given she seems to downplay and or try to work around her family's issues when she can. Let alone what it says about the adults in the room.

smth i think about a lot is the way yang’s narrative about her childhood shifts between v2 to v5

’cause in v2 it’s: “it was tough. ruby was really torn up, my dad kind of shut down. it wasn’t long before i learned why…” all to provide context for this anecdote about putting ruby in a wagon and running away to find her mother. and then her conclusion is “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.”

and while there is a degree here of yang framing the story to emphasize the point she wants blake to understand, it’s also very obvious in her delivery that the emotional reality of this memory for yang is “the time my stupidity and stubbornness almost got me and ruby eaten by grimm”—when she was [checks notes] like five, six years old, and regularly left at home unsupervised.

but in v5, it’s: “my mom left me. ruby’s mom left too. tai was always busy with school, and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to pick up the pieces. alone.”

aside from the telling slip (tai, not dad)—yang centers her own feelings and the harm this situation did to her this time. which is something she’s always felt but i don’t think she could have brought herself to say it out loud to anyone during the beacon arc, because it was pressed down under the guilt on display in burning the candle, the feeling of having been inadequate and too stubborn and too selfish and and and–

coughs quietly. “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.” / “you were predictable. and… stubborn. and maybe a little boneheaded.” yang’s narrative about the wagon incident—which happened when she was five or six!—pinning the blame on the thing tai imagines to be her fatal flaw is…probably not coincidental. yang in v4 after a year of being loved by her team and supported by mentors like glynda / oobleck / port has the perspective to know that tai doesn’t know what he’s talking about; but as a small child who’d just had a terrifying near-death experience with her baby sister… 😶

it definitely had a big impact on the way yang sees herself

BUT i do read qrow's talk with yang in 3.8 pretty differently ->

because the context is: yang saw mercury attack her and struck back in self defense, then had like a dozen synthetic soldiers point guns in her face, then looked up and saw the replay footage of herself walking over to shoot a boy who was just kneeling on the ground. and some of the most powerful authority figures in the world are pushing this narrative that stress and adrenaline "clouded her judgment."

like this would make anyone doubt their sanity. bc holy shit.

yang, though...a couple weeks ago, yang after being knocked unconscious woke up and blearily saw someone she thought was her mother walk away from her and disappear in a flash of red light. she hasn't mentioned it to anyone, because it's just so bizarre—yang doesn't know about raven's semblance yet—she must have just been seeing things. right?

aside from raven (who isn't here) and yang (who believes she hallucinated), the only other person who knows that yang saw her mom on the train is qrow, because raven told him about it. he also knows that:

tai insisted on not telling yang ANYTHING about her mother, and qrow respected that up until now; so yang doesn't know about raven's semblance and can't make sense of what she saw.

salem's infiltrators are the same people who attacked amber, and qrow didn't get a good look at them because they seemingly vanished into thin air—pretty damn good chance that one of them has a semblance that manipulates what you see.

ozpin wants #2 kept secret, so yang has some very powerful people actively trying to convince her that she's crazy. ironwood is straight up gaslighting her.

qrow also—based on the first thing he says, which is "why'd you do it?"—seems to consider it a possibility that it is what it looked like but yang did have a good reason, and i actually do not think that is an outrageous thing for qrow specifically to think. because qrow was emotionally abused as a child, and he knows yang, and in the event that yang really did suddenly turn around and punch a guy who was kneeling on the ground, why would she do it?

glances at shay d. mann. well. maybe this kid has been harassing her? maybe he said something horrible or threatening to her and in the heat of the moment she just snapped? maybe "he attacked me, i saw him attack me" isn't really a lie per se, she's just scared that "he's been picking on me ever since he got here and he made a disgusting remark and i just couldn't take it anymore" won't be taken seriously? as in, he did attack her—verbally/emotionally.

it's probably worth asking, at least!

so, qrow leads with "why'd you do it?" in case there is some invisible reason justifying the apparent action. yang says "you know why." qrow goes okay, well, i only know what i saw, so you're either lying (i.e., yang had a reason she now isn't telling) or crazy (i.e., yang saw something different from reality that was very real to her).

she says "i'm not lying." qrow believes her: "crazy, got it."

at this point, he knows the most probable explanation is that one of salem's infiltrators fucked with her head. the inner circle's gaslighting doesn't sit right with him; he's not going to buck ozpin by telling her the truth outright, but he wants to make sure yang knows she isn't losing her mind. he also has all the info needed to guess that yang is actually really really scared that she might be crazy.

which is why he kicks off the wall and begins to pace around. the language he uses sounds dismissive, but his tone is mild and his body language implies "let's talk about it, let's figure this out."

leading to:

YANG: Who knows? Maybe I am. QROW: And here I thought your dark-haired friend was the emo one. YANG: I saw my mom. …I- I was in a lot of trouble, took a pretty hard hit. But when I came to, the person attacking me was gone, and I thought I saw… her. Her sword. Like the one in you and dad’s old picture. QROW: You’re not crazy, Yang. That was your mom, alright. Let me guess—she didn’t say a word, did she? YANG: How did you know that? QROW: I don't see my sister very often, but she does try to keep in touch... whenever it suits her. YANG: Wait—you mean you talk to her? That was real!? QROW: Yeah, she found me. Had a tip from my most recent assignment and wanted me to give you a message.

it's really telling that yang responds to him this way. 'cause we've seen how yang acts when she feels dismissed or belittled:

TAI: Well, "normal" is what you make of it. YANG: What is that supposed to mean? Do you want me to just pretend like nothing happened? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone. And it's never coming back. TAI: You're right. It's not coming back. But that doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you wanna be. You're Yang Xiao Long, my sunny little dragon. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So whenever you're ready to stop moping, and get back out there? I'll be there for you. YANG: I– I...

she freezes and shuts down! her teachers have to come to her rescue!—but when qrow goes "crazy, got it" and suggests she's being "emo," yang blurts out her big secret. i saw my mom. to me that suggests a level of trust and understanding that isn't there with tai: qrow says stuff like "okay, so you're crazy" and "here i thought your friend was the emo one" but what he means is "hey, i know something's really bugging you, tell me about it," and yang picks up what he's putting down.

it's akin to how ruby goes "did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME??" and qrow's like "nope" and they both laugh. or the back-and-forth ribbing between him and the girls in 3.4. there's this layer of mild ironic meanness in the way qrow converses with his nieces that all of them are fluent in, and in this scene he's using that mode to signal that "crazy" is not off-limits, that it's okay to talk about openly.

crucially, there's a code-switch in the middle of the conversation: as soon as yang gets real and says "i saw my mom," qrow reflects that seriousness back to her. you're not crazy, that was your mom, she found me afterward and told me about it. it was real. you're okay. qrow's ability to do that—to shift into a more serious mode when irony isn't appropriate—is why yang can have this rapport with him that she doesn't have with tai, because tai isn't... being ironic when he says mean or dismissive things to her.

anyway, qrow passes on raven's terrible message and then kind of annotates it: "raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that i don't particularly agree with, and she's dangerous." (which is a very diplomatic way of saying he thinks raven is full of shit. lol.) but then he connects this whole conversation about raven back to what happened after the match: "you're a tough egg, kiddo. don't let this tournament thing getcha down. you had a slip-up; sometimes bad things just happen."

implicitly: yang isn't crazy. what she saw on the train was real, a product of raven's personality and her semblance. sometimes bad things just happen. qrow believes that yang had the experience she says she did when she punched mercury. he doesn't know why she had that experience—yang doesn't either!—but he knows she isn't just "crazy." sometimes things that seem crazy are actually real.

remember what he tells the girls in 3.4? "you may be acting like huntresses, but you're not thinking like one." same thing here. he's telling yang, hey, you're not crazy, you know what you saw, but you don't know what or who caused you to see it. "you cut off the head of the king taijitu, but now the second head's calling the shots."

hint, hint.

it's subtler than the hints qrow drops for ruby in 3.12, but very much in the same vein, and yang is plenty smart enough to figure it out. she might... not have? in the couple of hours between this conversation and everything going to straight to hell, but if they'd had literally just one more day, just long enough for the wheels turning in yang's head to click together with what ruby heard from velvet about coco hallucinating during her and yatsu's 2v2 against emerald and mercury, she would've had it.

more... generally, i've never gotten the sense that qrow projects raven's flaws onto yang in the way that tai does; qrow is definitely a lot closer with ruby than yang, but i think that has less to do with favoritism on qrow's part than it does ruby thinking he's like the COOLEST uncle ever and wanting to use a scythe like he does.

'cause like, qrow isn't their parent, he doesn't live with them, he's not responsible for raising these kids like their dad is, so while he obviously did contribute to fucking them both up because: alcoholic, ultimately there just isn't the same degree of betrayal or emotional abandonment; he's not their dad. both times yang talks in detail about her childhood, it's "my mom left, ruby's mom left, tai wasn't really around, ruby couldn't even talk, i was alone"—she doesn't mention qrow. there isn't that deep hurt, that feeling that qrow is someone who left.

when he isn't drunk, yang seems to feel pretty okay around him, and qrow likewise treats her... honestly a lot better than tai does:

he stops by their dorm in v3 to hang out with both his nieces; yang is fully in sister mode—cheers for ruby to beat him until ruby loses, immediately shoves her out of the way like "my turn!! >:D"—and qrow ribs them both, takes ribbing from both of them in good humor, tells both of them "you two are gonna go far."

qrow nicknames to show affection; ruby is "pipsqueak," yang gets "firecracker."

we only see qrow's goodbye to ruby, but in 5.4 yang indicates that qrow came to talk to her before he left, too. she also has complete trust that he's keeping the promise he made to look after ruby.

yang, as noted, opens up to him about seeing her mom; she's also shocked that he's still in contact with raven and indignant that he didn't tell her sooner, but—unlike with tai—she doesn't seem surprised that qrow is willing to talk about raven in general.

which tracks with what tai says in 4.11: "despite asking him numerous times not to, i know qrow told you where you're mother's been at these days"—meaning, this was a point of contention between him and qrow. behind the scenes, while tai refused to discuss raven at all, qrow was going okay well, let me tell her then, she deserves to know. and then ultimately he just bit the bullet and told her behind tai's back. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out qrow had been straight with yang that her dad wanted to be the one to tell her the important stuff, and he wanted to be respectful of that, but raven wasn't an off-limits topic.

general contrast between yang-tai and yang-qrow dynamics; for example both of them say almost verbatim "you've got a long way to go before you're ready for the real world" (3.4/4.4). from tai it's belittling, he's insulting her; from qrow, it's meant to encourage, it's "remember you're still new to this, you'll make mistakes, just keep learning, keep trying." (rwby does stuff like this all the time, refracting an idea in different directions to highlight contrasts between characters; ozpin's advice to ruby vs port's advice to weiss is another example.)

a lot of qrow's resentment toward raven is centered on her abandonment of yang: "did you know yang lost her arm? [...] rhetorical question, i know you know. it's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist. [raven: "i saved her."] once. because that was your rule, right? real mom of the year material, sis." like he is PISSED on yang's behalf that raven won't even try.

my impression is that qrow—although a) often away on long missions in far away places and b) an alcoholic who sometimes got blind drunk and became a burden yang and ruby needed to take care of—when he did manage to be there, made a serious effort to connect with both of them. he ended up being closer to ruby bc she wanted to learn scythe-wielding, but i do think qrow would've trained yang too (or instead) if the girls had different combat interests.

and while his relationship with ruby has a mentorish aspect, i don't get the sense either of the girls see him as a parental figure: he wasn't part of their household, he traveled a lot, his alcoholism in combination with tai's neglect eroded the adult-child boundaries because they had to be responsible for him as often as the reverse. he's a friend who also happens to be related to them. and that's especially true for yang, because he wasn't her teacher.

(i know it's a... pretty common headcanon / fanon that qrow lived with them, but i really don't think that's supported by the text? whenever ruby or yang look back on their childhoods, the family unit is always them + tai, and qrow isolates himself out of fear that his semblance will injure those he cares about. plus ozpin sending him all over the place as the one member of team strq still active. it makes way more sense to think he lived alone, and visited when he had the chance. which is the main reason i'm WAY softer on him than on tai, 'cause qrow wasn't in a caretaker/parent role; at most he was an occasional babysitter. so while his incidents of turning up drunk on the doorstep contributed to the harm... it's like, it would absolutely have been better for them if qrow were sober, but that wouldn't have changed anything about their home life. they'd just have somewhat easier relationships with qrow.)

TO WRAP THIS BACK AROUND TO THE QUESTION, tai is unfairly judgmental and harsh with yang bc he projects his idea of her mom onto her; yang also has a better relationship with her mom's brother than she does with her dad. how do these two dynamics interact? how does yang feel about hearing from tai that she's too branwen, so to speak, while also getting along better with the branwen side of her family? how might that fuel her desire to find raven?

if her uncle treats her better than tai does, then... maybe her mom would too, if only yang could reach her?—obviously it's not rational, but like. i don't think five year old yang put her baby sister in a wagon and ran away to find her mom because she thought she would ask "why did you leave me?" and then get her answer and go home. as yang grew older and developed a more realistic perspective it shifted to "i just need to know why she left" and she projects that backward onto herself as a child, but at the time what she wanted, what she was looking for, was someone who would take care of them.

[phthalology]

Let me tell you, little thrall, the reason why the Witness revealed itself to humanity at Mare Imbrium. 

It begins, as all things do, with the Hive. You may feel some shred of questioning shed on your arm. Did your wizard not just say this was a story of the Witness? Is the Witness not older than the Hive, and strange to us? Nevertheless, you are in our tunnels. The universe is full of emerald and onyx. Peel the shred of questioning off. 

Now, Savathûn did not know of the existence of the Witness, but she suspected. It was uncouth to say that something was pulling the strings of the Hive, being as the Hive were all-eating and left nothing but themselves behind. Still, Savathûn investigated secrets and unspoken things, and thought that the sword logic might be creating a throne just to harness the energy of an eternal vacancy.

Around this time, Crota’s brood took Earth’s Moon without even most of the fleet behind them, Sol’s citizenry running as low on their hoonish little spaceships as they did. 

Crota had ambition and bite and a certain blind devotion which Savathûn knew well.

After all, she had done so much good work faking it. 

Oryx was deep in the galactic center, finding treasures; Xivu Arath was in forever war with the Cabal Empire; Savathûn had been to Sol before and accompanied her brother’s brood as Crota took the Moon. And meanwhile, she had her own experiments, her own black-slab projects. Savathûn’s cunning arts untangled the DNA of the worms. It was heretical to slice those little gods apart, but she did it, and Nokris helped. Through this, she became fond of her nephew’s penchant for soul fire and pickling vats. Through this, she learned enough to ask the worm gods who their gods were.

They answered Rhulk, and the glaive with which he killed his father. 

This meeting of Rhulk and Savathûn before Crota’s brood had hardly scratched furrows in the Moon is the topic of another story. Finally, a victim higher up the chain answered My Witness. 

With this confession, that watcher turned a few of its eyes to the Hive. 

With a discerning eye for the sorts of injustices which caused both material and morale harm, the Witness set its sights on Savathûn’s pet project, Earth.

The child who had once been Sathona felt the universe coiling around her in static-fuzzed black tendrils of fear as she stood on a grand tombship at L2. Nokris skulked behind her.

And so did the Witness raze the Moon, upon which had formerly crawled Crota’s nearly-newborn brood, and upon which happened to be a few Guardian fireteams. The Witness began to enact the Final Shape upon the Moon for revenge against Savathûn, who had dared to investigate it and to lie to it, as she was wont. 

Come here, little thrall. This story is a secret. Did you know that? I am a confidant of Savathûn and I must practice my stories, practice my histories. I must test them in different situations and for different people, so that I get the words just right. But the Queen of Lies suffers few truth-tellers. No, don’t scuttle away. A Guardian or a Tormentor would have gotten you eventually. It’s statistically likely. Look. That hurts. Don’t bite. There --There. 

(This is a Destiny ten-year anniversary project. Context here.)

[gacha-incels]

imo this is another reason it’s so frustrating to have these young idk ~20 year old type “content creator” shills treating this entire thing like it’s some z-list western youtuber vs youtuber drama blasting no-context and misinfo out buckshot to their extremely impressionable young audience. when you look at their social medias their entire online life revolves around this specific game company and playing their games and posting about their games and making “content” about their games and following other kids who post about their games and play their games and post about their games etc. - essentially consumption of this media has become a central facet of their personality, and any slight on the product is now a slight on them personally. there’s also a growing cult of personality around the director that fosters another type of parasocial relationship. I’ve never witnessed “fandom” spaces for an extended period of time like this so it’s been surprising to me just how extreme all of this gets. But when something threatens the media that these fans have tied so closely to their sense of self they are going to be easily manipulated into placing the blame on a particular group or separating into an Us vs Them mentality. In this case so many of them have been laser focused on exonerating Project Moon that they’re slandering and putting targets on artists who do not deserve to be harassed and groups that are genuinely helping victims of feminist ideological verification in South Korea. at some point the short-sightedness of this becomes obscene.

I don’t think any of these kids and young adults (not saying this to demean you, the typical age group is ~ 16-22) comprehend the severity of the systemic issue that Project Moon had (and has) put itself into. This isn’t My Side vs Your Side, this is about violent antifeminism, systemic misogyny and worker’s rights in South Korea. This is not about you as a fan of a videogame, especially if you do not live there. Again I genuinely do not think Project Moon superfans should be making posts about this issue if you are looking at it in the latter way and not the former. You see this as some “drama” or “event” that effects you and the fans as individuals and the words “vellmori left on her own” or “watch the video” will make people stop talking about it. You repeat this with no contextual knowledge of how any of the labor laws or defamation laws in South Korea work, you look at this case in the bubble of your video game and nothing else. No one serious is doing this tit for tat bullshit in South Korea. I’ve literally been following this case and similar cases for over a year now, you can scroll through this entire blog’s archive and see the landslide of similar feminist ideological verification cases that have taken place since Project Moon’s. PM 7/25 is still referenced as a significant event when newspapers publish articles about this issue. No one is waffling about if the artist left on her own, they understand the situation in their own country. The strange idea that has somehow spread in the English speaking community that KGCS is some grifter group is absolutely baffling. The posts in english “warning” not to donate to them were hilarious at best and extremely condescending at worst, you’re talking like this is some scam gofundme. They probably don’t even know you exist. They typically raise the money they need within a couple of hours, close the donation pool, and then refund anyone who asks. This group not only helped Studio Ppuri’s animator avoid being fired in an event that almost mirrored project moon’s, they raised money for her legal fees that she used to press criminal charges against her harassers and helped set up meetings with the animation directors to explain the “controversial” shots. This was one of the biggest cases of targeted attacks from incel men, it had the chickenshit company Nexon deleting Studio Ppuri’s videos and their studio name was removed from the credits in the Korean broadcast of Solo Leveling. you can search the studio ppuri tag on this blog to see it all, I’ve found an article that has a short interview with the animator that I’ll post later.

Needless to say this is a serious societal, systemic issue, it does not deserve some westerners butting their heads in because they don’t want to feel guilty about playing a videogame. It’s disturbing to see this treated like some drama you just want to be over. it’s gross to watch information twisted and used in pedantic tit for tat arguments you only care about the end product of - “winning” and stopping any further discussion or “drama”. Please get some perspective.

[flanpucci]

An ASD oriented analysis of the character of Enrico Pucci

Okay guys after letting this draft cook in my notes for months, here it is!!!

I have decided to embark on the journey of listing the reasons why I think Pucci is autistic coded and if he isn’t, he’s written with a pretty good idea of what an autistic person is! Since I'm pinning this, the analysis will be under the cut ↓

I can’t guarantee that my analysis won’t come with a whole lot of general delusion or projecting on my side, so don't hesitate to tell me if you feel some type of way about this. I understand that many of the traits or behaviors i’m gonna talk about are mostly explained by the events happening in canon, but they give him a general super autistic vibe. Disclaimer that I’ve also decided to ignore most acts of murder type violence for this analysis as I think those are more relevant in the context of the story than the character building.

Although not on purpose this analysis is organized almost like diagnosis criteria, so we're going to look into repetitive behavior and interests, communication, aversion to unpredictability and sensory processing etc...! Before we start, I'd like to say once more that I am autistic, my analysis is mine and reflects my opinion only, it's my headcanon and comes with a lot of projecting, so proceed with caution.

Anxiety and counting prime numbers, Repetitive behavior

Counting numbers is a well known technique to stop panic attacks. The reason is that when you panic, your brain’s logical part doesn’t activate. Counting numbers will help you get the logical part of your brain back ‘on’. Simply counting numbers in order or in a simple pattern is too natural, and may not work, so some people will count numbers backwards from 100, count numbers in a non-patterned, random way, or even count prime numbers.

In Pucci’s case he counts primes because they can’t be divided other than by 1 or themselves and are “lonely numbers”. The prime numbers remind him of his own loneliness against adversity, and give him courage. I don’t think a lot of neurotypical people feel personal closeness to something unemotional like a mathematical concept, but I might be wrong. I think what’s interesting to note is that prime numbers are a fixed series of numbers, never changing, offering a great deal of familiarity in repeating them (and also by doing so out loud, in the sound of repeating them). He has also memorized them up to the hundreds, (maybe even thousands iirc?), which shows he has an amazing memory skill, but also that he’s probably counted them a LOT. (Funny anecdote, Oliver Sacks mentions in one of his psychology books a pair of autistic twins that would figure out prime numbers together, and use it as means of communicating and bonding. They were able to produce huge prime numbers without a table!)

It is just something I wanted to point out, but I think it’s funny that a priest wouldn’t recite prayers as a calming mantra, but something very cartesian like mathematics. This furthers the idea that he has a lot of interest and finds a peculiar comfort and understanding of the world in science.

Oh and I think resetting the entire universe for everyone to gain precognition of events COULD be considered as a liking for repetitive things… ! /j

His interests and the random trivia at unexpected times

Pucci seems to be a man of many interests but primarily these are science (especially biology, animals, maths/geometry and physics), Dio’s plan/heaven, christianism, art (paintings). At least that’s what I got from the manga. There aren’t a lot of characters for which you can easily lay out the interests in that manner. The reason for that is that he talks about those all the time! And he always uses metaphors related to what he knows about to explain the world, his intentions, or situations.

• The corridor scene where he meets Jolyne, it’s not like it’s random or out of the blue, but it feels a bit peculiar to bring up this subject in this manner, and Jolyne seems dumbfounded at what he said to her.

• When handcuffed to Jolyne, he starts explaining about the swallows that are prone to accidents to make a parallel between the birds and her own situation.

• References both a politician’s use of subliminal sex and a painting (the “Domine Quo Vadis”) in a dramatic moment where he’s literally ending his brother’s life.

• Seems to be particularly interested in art as shown by the book he was reading when he met Dio (about Fra Filippo Lippi, a painter) and the conversations he has with Dio (once again using art as a metaphor to understand other concepts such as stands, and souls.).

• Of course bringing up the subject of the man eating a mushroom for the first time at the most unstable point of the battle against Jolyne, feels very out of the blue, (but not out of context.)

• When talking to Miraschon, he does a whole bunch of inappropriated stuff lol, doesn’t pay attention to what she says, and starts talking about his own interests/ideas.

This happens again when talking to Donatello Versace, where he's bouncing off questions, not acknowledging the answer right away and coming back to it a little bit later. His train of thought seems to come first, and his communication is not centered around making the other feel like they've been listened to.

Overall he often makes a great point, but sometimes it feels like the context is lacking, like he has had many thoughts before saying the things he says, but we don’t get to hear them, so the conversation topics are a bit unnatural. Plus he generally has a very self-important way to talk and explain things.

Other than that I think his exceptional focus on the same goal and obsessive idea of fate, from childhood and up into late adulthood can be the sign of a truly one track mind, which can be often found in ASD. Could also be noted that a lot of his behavior and actions is copied/referencing Dio, which could be because of Dio’s literal influence (being absorbed by green baby), or an overall tendency to use direct references in speech/behavior.

Self importance and the desire of previsibility

As I just mentioned a little while ago, the Miraschon scene is a scene where he’s info dumping her for at least three pages, on two different subjects, but also not paying attention at what she’s saying. This is not very nice behavior, but it’s very frequent in autistic people too. Being centered on one’s self, and unable to put yourself in another person’s shoes is very characteristic of ASD.

Pucci’s motivation and his ideal of heaven makes a lot of sense from an autistic viewpoint for a number of reasons. The first one being the discomfort caused by the unknown, or at least the fact that he thinks the world would be a better place without unknown events. The desire to know everything in advance and be able to have the time to be prepared for it will resonate with a lot of autistic people, because our brains have so much trouble adjusting to unknown outcomes and situations. I can’t explain it much better, it’s just wiring.

Second reason is Pucci’s overall sense of self importance throughout the part. There are many situations in which he will put himself first, expecting better treatment, straight up explaining that he’s different than other people.

The frog scene is interesting because he tries to weigh logically why his situation is objectively worse than the guard’s, without acknowledging the slightest the guard’s panic when assessing such a stressful situation.

(Pucci thinks the guard takes decision based on logic and not panic, gets frustrated that the guard isn't calm and rational.)

His inability to see things from outside his viewpoint is ultimately what will lead him to try to push his own ideal onto the whole world, always sure inside himself that he’s doing that out of altruism and for the greater good. Of course I think there is a slight disconnect from his inner emotions about what has led him to this point. But for me, this is the truest sign of being unable to understand that other people might see things any other way than he does, but he’s just sure that people don’t understand that it’s for their own good. In a way, his self-centeredness is mostly intellectual and not of intentions. This is something that is often present in people with ASD, because of a lack of (or misplaced/altered) cognitive empathy. People with ASD can have trouble mentalizing other people’s emotions or point of view. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care, don’t respect it, or can’t show support, but they just can’t really understand that another person has another mental space.

Cognitive empathy is described as such :

Identifying and labeling the emotions, connecting feeling to cause, and reading the thoughts and perspective of others. Ability to read nonverbal communication and social context. Ability to read the mental experiences of others.

Pucci will often justify his lack of mind theory by « you just can’t understand it. » : from his view point, being opposed by other people is not due to divergence of opinion (which would mean to accept that other people understand the situation but are in a different mindset), but due to lack of intellectual comprehension. This is why even though very intelligent, it can seem like he’s confused.

Young Pucci and the scenes with Dio

An important thing to note about young Pucci is his inability to break the rule that priests can’t talk about what has been said in confession. He’s not even a priest at that time and the confession was forced on him. These are perfectly good excuses to break the rule, or at least bend it a little, to confront the Weather and then Weather/Perla situation. Hesitation or inability to break the rules, irreasonable attachment to morals and taking irrational decisions because of those despite having great intelligence is a trait that can be found in a lot of autistic people. However, we see that he’s flexible enough to permit that Dio stays in the church basement until the sun sets. In my opinion, he’s quick to give his trust to such a suspicious person as Dio, even when Dio hints that he might be lying. This could be the sign of a little bit of naivety but it's still pretty much normal at a young age.

In the chapters with Dio, we can extract quite a lot of information on Pucci’s communication because it’s the almost only scenes where he’s not in scheming mode, in a pinch, or fighting. Pucci has a very different reaction to meeting Dio, even at a young age, compared to how Avdol or the hunchmen describe their reaction to Dio for example. He’s not shocked or in awe, but not hostile either, which is unusual. Even when he talks about Dio in narration, he has a detached way of calling him beautiful and mysterious, which shows it’s obviously how he feels even though he stays calm at all times in front of Dio, even in dangerous situations.

Dio makes numerous observations about Pucci’s behavior, expression and communication. He seems relaxed and expressive, very different from the rest of what we see of him.

(Pucci 'making a face.')

Another important thing to note is the unusual way he communicates his love to Dio, using very profound words, with a lot of sincerity, without flinching. This genuine confession of a difficult emotion to confess even sets Dio aback.

(Probably having the most fun he’s had in his life here, and is that a smile!?)

Also, parallel play!! They’re shown having bonded profoundly, at the point of hanging out in bed together, but apart from chatting, they don’t really do things together like for example Hermes and Jolyne throw the ball with F.F., they’re doing stuff next to each other (Pucci watches Dio build his boat, and they read lying next to each other.).

(generally also seems kinda bad at picking up subtext)

Two words on sensory perception

(Pucci wondering about how pretty the green baby is, he really wants to know if it's not ugly fr.)

About sensory perception, it’s actually one of the first things I noted when watching the anime especially, he’s very curious about the green baby, and talks to F.F. about it, but as he says himself, he can’t get the “feeling” from a memory disc, and he wants to know how the green baby feels in a sensory kind of way. (Is it soft? is it beautiful?). Of course the many scenes where he purposely mutilates himself without even flinching could indicate that he has a very low perception of physical pain. Both these traits would indicate a very peculiar kind of sensory relationship to the world.

In this scene with Donatello he does state that he has an acute sense of taste, in response to Donatello describing with great precision ingredients in a dish.

(Having a little solo party and dropping trivia again.)

He also seems to feel the music strongly, even though the scene is meant to be comedic, he’s really into it and seems to have some sensory associations (visual/auditory) (also trivia dumping).

Although not directly a sign, the way he asks Dona to test his food because of allergy may also remind of many autistic people who have food allergies and aversions and get people to test food for them before eating.

Body language and facial expression

Pucci has a very specific kind of body posture, especially in the wrists, they’re always limp or twisted in some kind of way, similar to what autistic people might call “T-rex arms”. Araki is very talented at showing detail about characters in the strictly visual part of his drawings, so I think that’s important to note. In terms of facial expression, apart from with Dio, he seems pretty stoic and stern in most situations where he’s not under a lot of stress, almost never laughs or smiles, even in power high situations where other villains usually at least evil laugh for a couple seconds .

(Cute snapped wrist picture collection.)

End note about Weather Report

I just wanted to add a quick word on Weather. Weather Report without his memory disc is also extremely autistic coded. Walking on tip toes, talking in a very low volume not respecting personal space, when he is introduced, he seems super autistic. The reason is the lack of memory disc and consequences of being hung, but I personally think this adds to the overall neurodivergent feel of the manga. I’m also not sure of how much of his backstory was planned at first, and if or not Araki had planned his behavior because of his backstory or not at the point of his introduction scene :3

And there we have it!! I tried not to be too lengthy so I hope you understand my point. I don't think I've seen him being analyzed/hc as autistic a lot, especially compared to characters like Jotaro, but I think he shares some similarities with Kakyoin who is very ND coded too! I would also like to point out that I don't think Araki purposely created a character that reads as autistic, but that he has a very realistic vision of personalities and identities that can lead to this kind of analysis. Also, fun note, Pucci is often typed as INFJ/INTJ and these are prominent personality types in autistic people :3. Anyways, hope you enjoyed, feel free to share your reactions, I'd be glad to hear your thoughts.

NB:

I felt like adding a few to this post so here it is. I would like to say that I think overall Pucci is the most multifaceted, complex character in the series, he has often been described as such, and that’s what makes him the exceptional last boss of the first Jojo era. Many people have had trouble understanding him and Made in Heaven, as can be seen by the numerous amounts of questions on the internet « what did Pucci want to do? » « what is Made in Heaven? » etc. Araki himself said it was very tiring writing such a nuanced villain. I think many of Pucci’s actions and behavior can be attributed to elements in the story narrative, his almost impossible circumstances, and I don’t want to oversimplify, or kick him into a box that might not have been intended at all by Araki. I would also like to add that ASD is a spectrum and one may or may not relate with every trait exposed here, or may find others that I haven’t listed. And it’s always a bit hard categorizing villains as ND because of their reprehensible actions. However I think he is nuanced enough to be considered good rep anyway. But maybe that’s just me fangirling a little too much. In any case, I hope you enjoyed.

Flan, out!!

[walnutofthedead]

Hello!! Requesting some comfort or reverse comfort with Fuuta and a gn reader. he’s so cute and I love your writing

IM SO SORRY I TOOK SUCH A LING BREAK,,,, 

anyways ofcofc anonnie 

Warning for mentions of stalking in the silly context (NOT by fuuta dw babes im not THAT mean)

Bro readers a sara chidouin kinnie or sm with this stalking so silly(not me projecting onto the reader)

Also I’m sorry the quality deteriorated when the actual comfort started I’m writing this at 1am!

You could hear your footsteps loudly echoing throughout the street as you nervously made your way home from work. Your car had broken down earlier that week, forcing you to rely on rides from others and walking. This wouldn’t be an issue normally, but you hade been noticing some strange occurrences lately. You would see the same figure standing, staring from afar. They would follow you everywhere. 

By everywhere, I mean everywhere. It went beyond work and home. They would follow you on trips, to parties, anywhere, regardless of where or with who. Safety in numbers became your only solace eventually. Today was no exception as you glanced frantically in all directions to find whoever it was. But you saw nobody. You took another step, you hear another in the distance. You look again, nothing. 

Perhaps you were going crazy? But what if you weren’t? 

You sharply sighed, reluctantly opting to continue on your way. 

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 

Upon arriving home, you were quick to lock the door behind you. You honestly didn’t feel safe alone at the moment. So, in a moment of brilliance, you opened Discord to call your lovely boyfriend, Fuuta, who you could always find either typing a long callout post on Twitter or playing some new video game you’ve never heard of. 

Even with his rigorous schedule of being a self-righteous otaku loser, he always makes time for you..  

1 ring..

2 rings..

3 rings..

You’re growing increasingly afraid. 

Then, you heard it. The sound that notifies you that he’s joined the call. 

“Fuu-boo.. you there..?”

Your voice came out quieter than you had initially intended, the cracking sound barely penetrating your own ringing ears, let alone that of your phone’s mic. 

Yet, you heard a sigh of feigned annoyance from the other end. 

“Sheesh.. I thought I told you not to call me that!”

Joked the familiar voice of your lover, the sound alone enough to make you feel slightly more at ease. 

His tone quickly shifted though. 

“Really, what’s wrong though? You never call me this late.”

“.. Could you come over?”

It was a sudden question, but it just slipped through your lips.. being alone and vulnerable was the last thing you needed right now. 

…

“Were you being followed again?”

Fuuta knew what was happening now. He knew your situation already. You had told him a while ago. Asking was honestly more of a courtesy than a necessity. 

“Mhm.”

“I’m coming. Don’t hang up.”

You spoke for a bit as he started up his car and drove to your home. 

…

Knock, knock. 

“Fuu..?”

You hesitantly spoke up. You hear his voice from the phone. 

“That’s not me..”

You went pale. 

Was it.. 

no..

“T-that’s not funny, Fuu.. s-stop playing with me!”

The Twitter user sighed. 

“You got me.. it’s me. I’ll prove it, check your DMs.”

“Okay..”

You turn on your phone. Sure enough, he DMed you. 

Fufu - I’ll knock 10 times, K?

FanficProtag - Ok

The knocking began again. You listened, 10 knocks, sure enough. 

Hesitantly, you made your way to the door. You looked through the peep hole, and of course, it was the little ginger you loved and not a creepy stalking asshole. He immediately walked in, kicking off his shoes and making himself at home on the couch. He pat the spot next to him for you, as if it was his place and you were the guest. 

Whatever. You sat with him. 

He put an arm around you, leaning into your shoulder.

“Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna hurt you.. I’ll make sure of it.”

You lightly chuckled, enveloping him in a tight embrace. 

“What’re you gonna do, tell them to kill themselves on roblox?”

He groaned.

“No, dumbass… I don’t even do that very much! Shush.. just let me comfort you, damnit.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry~ thank you, Fuu-boo.”

Fuuta sat up, a triumphant smirk appearing when you thanked him. 

“You’re VERY welcome, now, whatcha wanna do?”

Even if he couldn’t do jack to help you. His presence was more than enough to comfort you

[swords-of-a-soilder]

Bless you for compiling what’s going on with that ex-bird app. It’s been genuinely insightful for me to understand the thoughts of the kinds of people behind those accounts.

That person trying to cancel creators for associating with Forever (and probably advocating for his lore to be excised from the server) saying “but I can’t possibly give up guapoduo, it’s My Hyperfixation” is very telling. Hypocrisy specifically in the context of “separating the art from the artist” isn’t something I’ve seen before, shockingly, so I guess I get to add that to my Social Media Discourse Bingo. (I had an online friend in 2016 who I was terrified to talk about my interests with because I didn’t know what angry punk teenagers on tumblr had deemed “evil and disgusting”, and even SHE stopped listening to some of her favorite metal bands when she learned they were homophobic, and had absolute turmoil when she learned that David Bowie might have allegedly slept with an underage groupie in the 70s. Her constant, unpredictable rage at seemingly random pieces of media was awful for my mental health, but at least she wasn’t a genuine hypocrite.)

Also that tone of “I’ve had good memories here… but I just can’t handle it anymore.” It sounds like someone whose meaningful but soul-crushing work has finally broken them, almost sounding like someone I knew at the frontline worker job I had mid-pandemic who missed her own birthday three years in a row, got repetitive stress injuries, and then got passed over for a promotion that was given to someone who did a fraction of the work. But the “God willing, I’ll never come back” was followed by “I’m 13” …damn, I got whiplash so hard that I astral projected into a universe where things made sense for a second. Because of course kids don’t have a complex view of other countries’ political systems or cultural pressures. Or the nuances of personal change and redemption. Or that sometimes people are just not online for a few days. And of course a 13-year-old doesn’t understand how dumb and petty they look by trying to ruin other peoples’ careers in the name of Activism (tm) while having a fandom portmanteau username.

“I didn’t want it to come to this but… I’m going to delete twitter!” I hope so, but more for their own sake, honestly. I actually have less anger towards most of them now. Many are kids with a false sense of grandiosity that makes them believe they are the ultimate moral authority, but have very little understanding of how messy people or societies can be. I just hope they can learn one day, and look back on who they are now and cringe. (And then many years after that, have the grace to forgive themselves.)

Oof, sorry for the wall of text.

I’m still not over the whole situation with Forever. I miss his energy, and his accent, and his silly bits with Richas that always dragged on too long, and N.I.N.H.O. (and everything it represented), and how different he and Cellbit are but how they understood each other WAY too well, and how he tried to make people who didn’t log onto the server as often still feel welcome and wanted, and how happy he got when anyone non-Brazilian even tried to speak a little bit of Portuguese. (I was learning, but I’ve barely touched it since.) I won’t lie, it’s affected me far more than I thought it would.

I miss Forever. Thank you for your blog being a little space where that’s okay.

I'm honestly a little worried for the kid (s), not in a "oh I just want the best for" fake bs way just a little concerned tbh. I still don't like them but I don't hate them either, they're a kid.

But at the same time I'm worried for their well being, they have like 5,000 follower on their main Twitter and 28 on curious cat (which is apprantly high for that app )

That's 5000 people (teens or not) waiting for you to tell them how to feel that can't be good for their mental state, not for a 13 yr old kid.

Most of their life was spent learning about the world and their still learning, these are the ages where you're worried about the sun blowing up.

You haven't seen how awful the world can be yet, You haven't seen how much worst it could get you haven't learned calculus yet!

To you the world is only these 13 years and you think if you don't act now everything will be over.

I get it, I had that fear too, most people grown into it and realize just how shitty it can get an settle in choosing their own battles and not letting It consume them, because no one had time for that anymore.

You want to experience the most out of live while you can and the older you get the easier it is to balance.

To me it looks like one of those situation where you'll look back and think "I wish I enojyed my childhood."

Because 5000 people waiting for you to tell them who to bash, 28 people prasing your while admitting they use to hate you.

It can't be good. And if they were to read this they'd probably say "oh you don't actually care you just want to shit on me."

And like, yeah I don't care, but am I saying all this because I want to shit on them? no I'm just pointing out concerns.

Apart from that I fully agree with anon.

[laf-outloud]

https://www.tumblr.com/laf-outloud/732013686369189888/everytime-i-wish-for-jensen-to-do-better-hoping

So, I sort of agree with what people have been saying about Jensen sounding bitter when he makes jokes that seem like digs on Jared, especially when he isn’t present. Because of his actions with the prequel, it definitely makes any jabs feel like they come from a place of resentment, which they certainly might. There is a time or two where I think they really were. However, at comic con, he and Mark were joking about Jared, and it seems very clear that Mark holds Jared in high regard. We also haven’t seen a whole panel, so it’s hard to know the full context.

Jensen also makes jokes that that seem like digs at Misha. And I would say he does it more frequently than he does at Jared. He makes them when Misha is there and behind his back. Yet, I don’t see people calling him a bitter asshole when he does that. There was even a con where I felt like his teasing went a bit into the overkill territory, where Misha didn’t look like he was enjoying it, and I don’t normally really mind seeing Misha brought down a peg.

Anyway, my point with all this is, Jared is not the only person Jensen makes jokes at the expense of, so I’m not sure it’s always because of bitterness with Jared, so much as he’s just that type of guy. People certainly don’t have to like that about him, but for me it’s hard to judge if it’s truly coming from a place of anger at Jared or just going for whatever laugh he can get. Again, not saying that’s a good quality, just that it might not be intended maliciously.

People do a lot of projecting onto to broth Jared and Jensen, but at the end of the day, we can’t actually know either of their motivations in full. People say Jared doesn’t like Jensen anymore, and he’s the main reason Jared seems to be moving away from CE cons. Maybe, but maybe it’s just a good career move. People say Jensen is mad at jared for succeeding more than him, so his every joke is based on bitterness, and his every nice action is just a manipulation. Maybe, but they do have years of shared history and experience and good time too.

At this point Jared Stans are starting to use the kind of “bad faith” interpretation that AAs have been using for years. Everything the J we don’t like does gets interpreted in the worst possible way. Don’t get me wrong, Jared stans still aren’t anywhere near as bad as AAs because they don’t tag Jensen on their posts, wish for death on anyone, or attack on mass when someone shows appreciation for Jensen on Twitter or wherever. But, looking at someone from the worst possible light all the time leaves us open to misunderstandings and assumptions.

Sorry, if I’m coming off preachy or something. That’s not my intention, especially when I agree that Jensen has been acting a bit douchey, but I also don’t think he’s the devil with nothing but bad intentions.

Ugh, I don’t know if I got my thoughts across clearly on this post. I’m not trying to tell people what to think, just remind everyone not to .. assume the worst in every situation.

Anyway, feel free not to post of this comes off wrong.

Thank you for sharing, anon! I do get where you're coming from in wanting to share your opinion without sounding like you're trying to police other's opinions, and I appreciate that!

You are correct that we all interpret things based on our own opinions/biases, and at the end of the day, what's missing is the understanding of the motivation behind certain actions, words, etc. So, at best, we're opining on incomplete information.

I'm glad you're able to see things from a larger perspective, particularly in regards to the way Jensen jokes about other people, in addition to Jared. I'm with you in that I find that style of joking distasteful, particularly when the person isn't there to joke back. It feels like laughing at that person rather than with that person. It's almost reminiscent of the playground bully teasing other kids in front of a group in order to build themselves up while hiding their own insecurities. (Yeah... I probably projected there, lol.)

Anyway, I do appreciate you writing in and perhaps it might help others consider how and why they see things a certain way. Perhaps they'll stick with their opinions, or perhaps they'll adjust some of them, but either way, you've provided another perspective to consider, so thank you!

[astridbecks]

hiii. 6, 18, 20 from the ask game for either/both fics 👀👀👀👀👀

hiiii thank you <3 // ask game in question

(6) describe the premise/plot of [project] from the perspective of each main cast member.

against all my sins: jenna sees this as a period political-romance drama. astrid sees this as a political thriller. both of them get psychosexual about it.

[roadtrip au, as yet unpublished]: for context, this one’s a modern with limited magic au where beau (reporter for the cobalt press) and astrid (executive at cerberus corporation) end up having to work together when a zombie apocalypse strikes. beau definitely sees this very weird road trip as an investigation to uncover what astrid does or does not know about this situation, and astrid sees it as an increasingly catastrophic unraveling of basically her entire life. 

(18) pick 1-5 songs which you believe define either [project] or [character (relationship)] and elaborate on why with attached lyric selections. (optionally: link a playlist)

against all my sins: [full playlist here]

p.s. nevermind / the wild reeds // i’m reckless, i did it, and i’ll do it again, never knowing where to draw the line; i’m worn out, jaded, in over my head, just give them what they want this time

narcissus / lizzie no // i’ve been an echo in my own mind but i’m a hero in some stories i could tell; and you’re a liar but so am i, love

happiness will ruin this place / san fermin // honey, can you see the bloodstains on my teeth, i’m not the beast i used to be; silence intervenes, she looks up from her tea, says everything goes extinct.

[roadtrip au]: 

the calling / the amazing devil // we’re both unwanted daughters but there’s more than water in these autumn hands, i look into the waters and see a face i don’t recognize

break the sky / the hush sound // before the world dies at my door

the disappearance of the girl / phildel // i don’t know where i stand faced with a cruel world

bloodshot / julien baker // after all that i did, i’d have done it to me, too

paprika / japanese breakfast // i opened the floodgates and found no water, no current, no river, no rush

(20) do you think there's anything about [project] which is predictable from your previous works/interests, or to anyone who knows you well enough? if the work was written by someone else, what would a recommendation designed to personally bait you look like?

for both, the predictability lies in the “oh yeah okay 20000 words about another obscure f/f rarepair, that sounds about right.” as far as recommendations go:

against all my sins: wait i literally have a pitch typed up for the target audience of 3.5 of which i am one: you should read this if you: 1) love archmage astrid beck(e), 2) think astrid should get to kiss at least one woman as a treat but also as a matter of political intrigue, 3) read explorer’s guide to wildemount and thought oh shit, i want to know more about this doppelganger archmage, she seems cool, 4) enjoy wizard politics and interrogating the ideological underpinnings of empire, 5) think counterspelling someone is a valid form of foreplay, 6) liked the first third of the traitor baru cormorant where it was all economic intrigue and homoerotic tension (except i promise this is a lot less mired in the details of fantasy tax code), 7) think unreliable narrators are sexy, 8) all of the above

[roadtrip au]: reluctant road trip buddies is always a weakness of mine, plus: zombie fighting instead of therapy + bathing together (hostile) + enemies to reluctant allies to “are we going to kiss about this.” also, bird metaphors. 

[digitalta]

Dream shuddered, bodily enough that buckles click softly amidst the gentle popping of lava. There's scuffing behind Tommy, of Punz prowling and pacing. Tommy refuses to move, to not provide Dream a single moment of his attention. It’s like he’s standing on thin ice, watching the spreading cracks with an intensity unparalleled. Something was happening, finally, and Tommy needed to see it. Dream shuddered, expression hidden. Tommy could imagine the odd franticness of his expressions, the ways his eyes would flutter around the cell when awoken or asked something he didn’t want to answer. Panicked, uncomfortable in his own skin.

For a moment, Tommy believed that Dream would shoulder it off. Neither of the two were accustomed to sudden vulnerability around the other. Yet, neither had ever come to an understanding before. This was new territory, not divided or war scarred. It was an unstable truce slowly constructed and allowed to grow between a near suffocating perilous grip. Tommy felt sweat on his neck, and he thought desperately: please Dream.

And Dream: “I don’t want to… ever be alone.”

“Take off your helmet, let me look at you.”

It was more than that. It wasn’t a dumb command, forced on one other due to an imbalance of power. Take off your armour, Dream! Put your things in the hole, Tommy. It was requested, a request, which could be denied or freely given. It was an option, a choice where neither man had ever been provided. A new path, a new opportunity.

Dream inhaled shakily, hands dancing in an odd rhythm Tommy couldn’t identify. Dream had missed a large portion of a finger- Tommy knew that. He had heard in passing in moments of high intensity something regarding torture and the prison cell, but he couldn’t quite remember who had said it and the exact context. He had seen it as well, the strange sluggish walk and sometimes odd winces Dream had given in the middle of the night when he hadn’t known Tommy was watching. Dream had been wounded, but Tommy knew as well that resurrection healed the empty patches of skin and bone. It left white scars on their minds and scalp- although Tommy hadn’t been able to notice it with the greying streaks from stress.

Now, Tommy could see it. There was a patch of fresh white almost mirroring Tommy’s own, carefully hidden behind a sweaty twist and crude pin. The pin was gold, more decorative than Dream’s normal style. Tommy hadn’t known that Punz knew how to braid hair.

Then, Tommy realized the significance of what had happened. Tommy knew Dream’s face, gaunt and half-crazed from starvation and rage. He knew each blanched freckle and scar from blades.

The man he met now did not resemble it. In any other situation, he would have presumed him to be an imposter, a strange shapeshifter who had stolen a face from his nightmare. The scars were gone, except for an odd assortment with little reason around his neck and left eye. His eyes were fluttering just as Tommy knew they would, sweat had matted his hair and glistened on his skin.

Dream cleared his throat awkwardly, twirling his fingers before hastily and clumsily tossing something from his side pocket. The piece of paper fluttered slightly before Tommy grasped it, recognizing the sight with a small gasp. He had thought Dream had burned the picture, taken from his enderchest. He had thought all things important were now lost- his things, his discs…

Yet Dream hadn’t burned them. He had carried it for an unknown reason. Sentiment. The reminder of a family, even if it isn’t yours.

“Tommy…” Dream said, voice suspiciously thick and hoarse.

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, and oh, he realized that it couldn’t all be sweat on Dream’s face.

[phoenixwrites]

I looked into some of their posts because I wanted to see the full info on both sides. I wanted to reach out to say they are really just something else. First, please know they are searching deep into your blog for your selfies and info that they can find, while who find one DID color over your face .... it's uncomfortable the territory they are on the fencing of. Stay safe. Second, I had a good cry as a csa and in general survivor too, because this is appalling, it's so freaking horrifying how YOU could be considered the same realm... they reblogged a PSA about someone else in ST fandom who writes genuine CSA like 6 year old x 20 year old Eddie, 12 year old x grown ass Steve and Billy, so on and not even all ST, but all is smut. A commenter was saying that they were going to write smut about a 12 month old. I wish I was joking or being dramatic. The someone claims they are writing it for their own trauma, but it really does not read from the screenshots of fic as such (vs how your posts seem missing context) I feel sick from seeing THAT callout post contents, THAT chilled me. I don't fucking know how you could be considered of the same cut like that kind of person ??? All over older Erica x Dustin ??? Like WHY deliberately take your asks and responses out of context, why are you evil for thinking about the characters grown, nothing to do with the actors? Yet they write self insert smut about teenaged Billy, Steve, so on. Include gifs of showering Billy. They seem hellbent on focusing on everything else, or maybe a personal projecting since they can't separate actor from character almost. Hell, even the camp counsellor Eddie x younger camper Chrissy fic they were blasting you for reading is different than freaking that someone's fics. This entire thing reads like a personal vendetta finding any morsel and making into some abomination. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this bullshit. Protect your peace and yourself from this insanity. Lots of love to you. This is long as crap so you don't have publish it, but I just felt like you deserved to know what was being said and compared.

Hi there! Thanks for your message. Seriously, guys, the support has been amazing and I can’t express how much I appreciate it.

I nosed through last night for a little bit but I think the benefit of my social media being very open over the years is…there’s not really much to find. I am far more boring than antis believe. Even my Erica fics will be particularly disappointing to those who are looking for ThoughtCrime—they are probably the tamest thing I’ve ever written. I will try to implement measures in case someone doxxes me or something.

I’m so sorry for you. I’m so sorry that you’re in this shitty club with me. I would not wish the flashbacks, the dehumanization, the guilt, the shame, the triggers, or the nightmares on anyone. The accusations they make about me are genuinely nauseating.

I’m not familiar with the other writer’s callout post you mentioned, but even if they are writing disturbing dead doves—we don’t know them. We don’t know why they wrote it, I don’t know their situation, I don’t know their reasoning, hell, it might all be out of spite. But I don’t want to “ugh look at this OTHER writer writing this gross stuff, YOU could NEVER be considered one of THEM”, you know?

I am not going to condemn a dead dove writer just because that is something I would never read. It’s words on a page. No one is harmed. As viscerally chilling and disturbing those plots are, they exist in the author’s brain. I don’t know WHY they exist in the author’s brain, if they’re processing their own shit or genuinely trying to titillate. I don’t really want to know either way. Either way is triggering to me. Either way, that is content that would make me throw up and I would avoid.

So I do the fucking ADULT thing and block those fics. Or ignore them. Ignoring them is a great tactic. Because I don’t know the author’s story and I would never try and assume that I do. I protect my own peace.

Another example. I have a weird trigger. It’s a trigger that is innocuous and harmless to most people. Some people really love the trigger. But I cannot abide it. I start having flashbacks. Anxiety attacks. Even just by SEEING this piece of media. And I feel a ton of shame for it because I blame myself, when actually it was my abuser’s fault. Not me. Not you. Never the victim. Ever.

But I do not expect tumblr to CATER to my trigger. I have this piece of media blocked on every social media site. I intentionally avoid it. My brother has even refused to accompany his friends on a Disneyworld trip because they were cosplaying as the Trigger and he didn’t want to trigger me. My community knows of it and they try very hard to use spoiler tags or ask others to spoiler it so I don’t interact with it. If I come on it accidentally (happened a lot during Philly, many breathing exercises were done and I had to step out a few times from the Artist’s Alley)

This is all MY responsibility. Not Tumblr’s. I cannot demand that every fic writer who writes about the Piece of Media that is a Trigger take it down for my own comfort, just because I am rightly and justly disturbed by it.

Oh, it is DEFINITELY a personal vendetta. Comes with the territory of any outspoken woman in fandom.

Your guys’ support means everything to me. And to all writers.

I’m sorry if this came off preachy or lecturing, I didn’t mean it that way. I just really, REALLY do not want people taking the mentality of “Phoenix isn’t writing this shit, but OTHER writers are, so let’s go harass them!” No.

Leave the dead dove writers alone. Leave all writers alone. If you do not like something, don’t read it, block the author, mute the tag, do whatever you can to protect your peace.

[baronessofmischief]

I think in terms of deciding whether or not to write accents phonetically (I’m against it) it mostly comes down to the fact non-native speakers will almost always do it incorrectly and it ends up being seen— however well-intended— as an insult, parody, or stereotype. This can also be said of (and has been said many times about) using other languages in a story. If you haven’t lived in and taken an active focus on actually studying the way accents form and evolve and function within a specific environment, including speaking extensively with people who have that particular dialect or accent, you are much more likely to do harm than good in including it in your writing.

There are innumerable places where it could be done incorrectly; accents, dialects, and language will be used differently across age, gender, class, social standing, environment, time period, subculture, context, and individual persons, even when the two people speaking are from the exact same culture. It’s not to say you can’t do it, it’s to say if you’re going to do it, you need to do it right. You need to be able to justify how and why you wrote something the way you did outside of “It sounded good.” Back it up with research and justify your reasoning, and above all be receptive to criticism and admit when you’re wrong or unaware of something pointed out to you.

I’m not even someone for whom English is a second language and I can frequently tell when an accent or dialect is being used incorrectly because I’ve seen it done even with American accents. It’s very easy to tell when someone who isn’t southern or midwestern or northeastern isn’t a native to those regions.

And I know it ’s hard! But guess what: writing is hard. If this isn’t something you’re willing to commit time to, best not to use it at all.

Plenty of other people can talk more about the foreign language aspect, but if you want advice for writing accents in English: don’t write it phonetically unless it’s an entirely different word (ex. “Y’all” being a contraction of “you all”). Number one: it’s harder to process and puzzle out in a written format especially since every writer is likely to do it differently using their own arbitrary set of rules, and number two, you’re much more liable to make your character look like a cartoon stereotype which any number of people will at best, simply back out of a fic and possibly not read your work with those characters again, or at worst, be insulted or harmed by the depiction. It’s worsened by the fact that if that reader says nothing, you the writer get away with it, and if they DO say something, they risk backlash or active harm. It’s a lose/lose situation.

Instead of changing the spelling of the word and adding a bunch of apostrophes, focus more on actual vocabulary and slang to the point you can give the reader enough flavor to ‘hear’ how that character speaks and move on. Additionally, don’t have them spout random phrases that don’t make sense in context of the scene just to emphasize the fact they’re “not from around here.” There are very few cases where someone is going to project random idioms as a means of announcing their presence to the room as someone with a different way of speaking.

Environmental context clues should inform the reader of what region the character’s voice is from. You the author know what the character is saying— so write what they’re saying and trust your readers to fill in the gaps. If you’re a native English speaker, writing broken English is going to come across as rude and ignorant no matter how well you think you’ve done it.

[whentherewerebicycles]

I was getting kind of in my head about something from the talk today—just wondering if I’d framed it right or overblown my role in something—and then out of the blue just now I got a really kind email from a former student I haven’t heard from in a long time, which included a paragraph where she thanked me for something that was so almost exactly the thing I’d been unsure about claiming that it actually kinda spooked me. just a moment where the universe was like you know what we’re just gonna stop this spiral in its tracks thanks. but I do think that I want to spend some time writing through some stuff from today that sits a little oddly with me. I think there’s just something that feels pretty bleh about being a white woman with an advanced degree standing in front of a room filled almost exclusively with other white people with advanced degrees, talking about my work with students who are almost exclusively students of color, most of them first gen, and feeling like… I don’t know. I guess feeling like I’m leveraging the relationships I built with my kids and the work we did together to advance my own career. on some level l know that’s just what you do in this world! you leverage your past work to get yourself a new job where you can do similar work. but in the context of teaching/mentoring, you’re not pointing to a portfolio of projects you successfully managed or whatever, you’re pointing to people and relationships, and that can feel like… I don’t know. my friend hannah once said that when you really care about someone it always feels like a little bit of a betrayal to discuss them with someone else, and I think that’s kind of how I’m feeling about my students, esp given the demographics of the audience? I talked to each of the students whose work I discussed beforehand to ask their permission & shared with them how I was planning to talk about/frame our work together, and they all responded immediately and enthusiastically in the affirmative… and I also deliberately chose kids that I have a genuine ongoing mentoring relationship with, like where we’ve both invested a lot of time and energy in the relationship and they’ve sought to keep it going after graduation. but idk! I guess I just kind of thought that room was going to look a little different than it did, and it feels really different to highlight the scholarly work of a highly diverse set of students when you’re talking to a highly or even moderately diverse group of people vs. an almost all white room. I don’t know! I think I’m getting really in my head about this but also sometimes that niggling feeling is telling you something and I think that regardless I may want to do some more careful thinking about the way I share student work when I don’t know the audience that well. I was talking to Liz about it a bit just now and she said that maybe that feeling isn’t like, it’s wrong to highlight students’ good work (because of those are my students! and they’ve done amazing work that deserves to be recognized and shared!), but is more a feeling about something being a little off about the situation as a whole. and idk maybe that’s right! like maybe the bleh feelings are kinda just the bleh feelings of looking around a room and being like wow what is up with this. why does this institution look like this. but I think I need to go to bed lol I am so sleep deprived I will think about this more in the morning.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

"I think that lots of things that I thought were possible before that was posted, don’t seem possible now." This is really interesting to me, because I've been following you a while and I never really felt that I knew what you think was possible re Harry and gender?

From what I have seen and read, Harry has never expressed a nuanced interest in this topic more than "everybody should be kind to everybody, and that includes women". Even worse, there have been terrible, terrible takes last year. For me, the whole Pleasing nonsense is way worse than the Pilates stuff - is he seriously selling anti aging crap to teenagers??? And the way he talked about queer films? That still makes me so angry, to the point that I'd prefer not to have Harry speaking on politics, gender and social issues at all.

To me, the missing "there, there" is really important in this context, because I also think that he is closeted. 25 years ago, when I was 18 years old, I was absolutely okay with everybody thinking that my parents might be abusive rather than people knowing that I was getting love bites from another girl. Mindboggling now. I've always had a good relationship with my parents, knew even then that they would be fine with me being a lesbian and I didn't live in a conservative environment at all. Still the fear of being forced out of the closet made me oblivious to everything else around me, it paralyzed me and I had no space for thinking about collective social issues.

Obviously Harry's situation is very different, but I see myself (and a lot of my queer friends) in him waffling nonsense and making bad choices (subjectively 'bad' to me at least) from a frightening closet. When he talked about his panic about being perceived as "somebody who has sex" or "people seeing how he kisses", it was really painful to me, like him playing Tom was painful to me, too. I hope therapy goes well for him if he wants that.

Being a 'new, meterosexual' man, who is sexy but also detached, might be a kind of compromise for Harry. Which it obviously isn't, and that is why people are missing the 'there, there' at a closer look. It is lacking authenticity, which I've seen mentioned in the media for the first time this year. My guess is that Harry and his team are aware of it and playing for time (3-5 more fat years?) but what do I know...

Of course nobody is forcing him to endorse the Pilates studio, but maybe it's something like "Harry, we'll give a short clip to the pilates study so you can have a three week holiday with your partner safely, is that alright?". 18 year old me would have said yes and not asked more questions, I'd just been happy to have three weeks without fearing to be dragged out of the closet. Might sound dramatic, but to me Harry's anxiety is palpable a lot of the time in the way he treats his body and, more lately, the things he says (which, again, might be wrong and 100% projection on my part).

Making his choices under circumstances he doesn't choose from when he was 16 years old is a lot. Maintaining a closet is a lot, even if you're not a popstar with millions of eyes on you, hundreds of peoples' livelyhood depending on you, and a partner who is in a similar but also very different position. It's a lot and I feel for Harry.

--

Sorry for this novel, I just love to read your thoughts and am checking obsessively if you reply to my anons. Lately I've saved them so that I might re-read my own thoughts later, like a diary. Strange but I guess there are stranger things on the internet ; )

Thanks for your thoughts anon - it's so awesome to hear that asking anons helps you process stuff. I'm going to respond to a couple of different things in here, but if there's something that you're super interested in that I miss.

That's a great starting point - what did I used to think was possible when it comes to Harry and gender. To focus a little bit on the politics of it - so his response to gender in society - not just as it relates to him - I think there are a wide variety of options. To give one example - he could have a visceral aversion to statements that 'men are like this and women are like this'. He could also have a political understanding that statements that men are one way and women are another are quite harmful. I think it's unlikely that he would go even further and feeling like it's important that he's part of changing that, but I wouldn't have said it's impossible. He also could not really have any thoughts about it all - when he sees a sentence like 'It's not just for girls, it separates the men from the boys' - he could just think 'that sounds reasonable'

Obviously now I think the possibilities cluster much more strongly around 'that sounds reasonable', but before the interview any of those could have been true.

*******

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences and the way that they have shaped you. I'm so glad to hear that things are better from you and you have a good relationship with your parents. I hope you are kind to your younger self - her anxiety was a reasonable response to the world she

I totally agree that Harry's anxiety is palpable in a lot of what he does and how he interacts with the world. I think the 'people will know how I kiss' comment is an excellent example as are much of the other things you mention.

But in this case, I think understanding this through the lens of the closet doesn't bring any insight. In particular, in the way that you frame it - as if someone is giving this clip so that he can have time with his partner - there's absolutely no reason to believe that's true. Harry can have three week holidays with his partner without anyone knowing (wealth buys you that). The idea that this video would be seen to directly matter by Harry, or anyone working for him, doesn't make any sense with how we've seen him navigating the closet

That doesn't mean that there's not some connection. Anxiety works in mysterious ways and there could be all sorts of things going on for Harry. But I think imagining a straight forward 'he's doing this because he's anxious that otherwise he'll be outed' - is an over simplification that probably reveals more about your anxiety than Harry's.

********

I do agree that Harry's closet is central to the question of 'is there a there there'. I remember listening to the Harry episode of Popcast - and it felt like they were dancing around the possibility of him being closeted - but I don't think they were - I think they were just describing the gaps they saw.

But I think it's easy for fans to assume that the feeling that there's no there there is entirely caused by the closet. I think it's far more complicated than that - because I think it's also something about Harry that enables him to be such a successful blank space - and that wouldn't suddenly change when he was out.

In particular, I don't think the fact that we're both 'no Harry, speak less about politics' would necessarily change just because he was out (there are plenty of out queer musicians who have said cringe things now and in the past). I think he'd probably be a little more articulate if he wasn't so afraid, but only a little. I think the way that he's unwilling to be clear about whether he's talking about himself or the world is shaped by the closet, but that doesn't mean that he would disappear. I think he could build up a centre, if he came out, but I don't think it's inevitable that he would.

**********

I've been really frustrated by the silence in response to that statement and that's led to me responding with the boldest, brashest version of what I think.

So here's another way of expressing the same idea. What if Harry did support the message of that video? What if it did reflect part of his worldview?

There are other explanations - but the fact that he agreed with something that he put his image to is always going to be the most likely one. And I think it's worth Harry's fans, particularly those who argue about what he's really like or talk as if they know what he's like, sitting with that possibility. And either including that view in what Harry might be like, or accepting that what they're talking about is not what Harry is like, but who they want him to be.