#if you can’t tell I’m obsessed with drawing him screaming

[curse--eater]

Drown in it. - Chapter 1

Izuku Midoriya was born with a rage.

From the moment he drew his first breath, he let it be known to all around him. He screamed, he fought, he bit, and when consciousness finally grasped him and the effects of his actions became known, his rage calmed, simmering down to a low rumble in his chest. And yet, the heat of his passion remained stronger than ever. From comic books to biology, his interests varied, and he always kept his mother on her toes when each new addiction rose to the surface. He had combed through comic books, determined to learn to draw them himself, only to one day abandon them and turn to a morbid interest in taxidermy. Each month was a different obsession, each doubling in intensity as his mother fought to keep up with her son’s demands.

That was until he had seen him.

His mother had earned tickets to see a famous composer’s performance from her job as a thank-you for doing so much overtime, and she’d dragged her reluctant son away from his slaving over pinned insects to accompany her to the opera house. Inko had dressed in her finest black dress, a single strand of pearls adorning her neck as she painted her lips red, starkly contrasting her dark green hair. She’d fussed over Izuku, combing his unruly hair this way and that until eventually, he’d stilled, letting her pull him into his Sunday best before the two departed, their front row seats allowing them a clear view to the piano on stage. Izuku was immediately entranced- the shining ivory keys drawing in his curious eyes as he sat at the edge of his seat, wiggling to get a better look. The sign outside shone brightly with the composer's name, and as anticipation gripped him, Izuku found himself whispering the name of the man; All Might.

He repeated the name over and over in his brain, feeling it out, giving weight to it, enjoying the way it stirred interest in his head. He looked down at the pamphlet in his mother’s lap, tilting his head to read it better.

‘Tonight only, Japan’s greatest composer All Might performs his unfinished manifesto; One for All, a song of love and loss.

Passed down throughout eight generations of composers, ‘One for All’ has remained unfinished for over eighty years, each new composer adding their own story and vitality into the piece whilst still carrying on the first’s hopes and dreams- for music to unite all the people of the world’

Izuku didn’t realize his mouth had fallen open until his mother tutted him, tapping his chin with a gentle finger.

“Izuku honey, close your mouth, you’ll drool on yourself,” he snapped his mouth shut, turning to his mother with a question already burning on his tongue. As if she sensed his restlessness, Inko sighed, a pained look in her eyes.

“No, honey, I can’t get you a piano. I’m afraid my job doesn’t pay me nearly enough to be able to afford one… Maybe you can find a teacher and learn from them?” she said hopefully. Izuku frowned, sinking back into his seat with a huff.

“Whatever, it’s probably gonna be lame anyways,” he pouted, kicking his legs as he sunk low in his seat. Inko sighed considering telling him off but the lowering of the auditorium lights made her eyes widen and drew her attention to the stage immediately. Even little Izuku, so determined to be indifferent to it all, sat up a little straighter as a hushed murmur rippled through the crowd. A man appeared from the edge of the stage, blonde hair a shock as his electric blue eyes scanned the crowd with a kind yet determined gaze. A moment passed in pure silence before the crowd erupted in cheers and claps, the man on the stage raising a hand to wave at the crowd as he smiled, earning a louder round of applause and screams from the audience that followed him until he sat, straightening his sheet music before him as the crowd began to settle, the room filled to the brim with anticipation as All Might rolled his shoulders, fingers poised over the keys as he waited. The moment seemed to draw on forever, and Izuku found himself trembling with anticipation before finally -finally- All Might began to play.

It was… The most beautiful melody he had ever heard. The song carried the essence of melancholy and loss along with the feelings of determination and triumph, each note ringing across the quiet auditorium and rattling inside Izuku’s brain as he stared wide-eyed at the way the man on the stage played so beautifully as if the music itself had been written into his soul and he was pouring his vitality into the notes. His face was peaceful, yet the way his brows knit together betrayed his true feelings. This was not just a song- no, it was a tribute concocted by the man before him and his predecessors, a tribute to love, to loss, to hope, to everything in the world. Izuku had no words to describe the emotions that arose in his chest, and he found his vision began to warp and waver before he blinked and tears rolled down his cheeks. He sat in stunned silence through the eight minutes of the song, his lap wet with tears his mother had failed to notice had even begun to fall in the first place as she too was entranced by the ebb and flow of the music.

After what Izuku thought was far too little time, the song finished, hanging on a note that left the audience holding their breaths waiting for more, more, more. They wanted- no, they needed more, they needed the satisfying climax of the story, they needed the certain end notes that wrapped the song up in its perfect bouquet, ready to be replicated and replayed over and over again by eager fingers and eager listeners. And yet, those notes never came. All Might’s hands moved to his lap as he took a deep breath, standing up and facing the crowd before bowing deeply. A second of stunned silence grasped the audience once more before the cheers erupted all around, weeping people leaping to their feet and screaming their praises, hands raw from clapping as they gave the man the loudest standing ovation they could muster. Izuku stood on his seat, bawling as he clapped, trying to draw the attention of the incredible man on stage as he tugged on his mother’s shoulder, pointing to the stage.

“Mama- mama he’s so cool! I wanna be just like him!” he wailed, wiping at his face furiously as he waved at the stage will all his strength. Somehow, as if a hand had pointed him out among all those faces, All Might locked eyes with Izuku. The boy’s world seemed to stop, and he broke out into a watery smile as he waved at the composer, who waved back with a kind smile on his face.

In that short exchange, that fiery rage inside izuku changed. It warped and blossomed into an intense passion, and he finally knew where it was calling to. He had searched for a piano teacher the morning after the concert, and after finding a suitable one he had begged his mother for lessons.

“What about your insect pinning…?” Inko had said with a tone of slight dismay. Izuku had rummaged through his drawer and pulled out a frame with three wonkily pinned butterflies, preserved the same way they’d been in the book his mother had gifted him.

“I only did these three, I found them in the garden and wanted to give them to you,” he had said meekly.

Inko was a strong woman, but at the sight of her son’s pleading eyes, she buckled and eventually gave in, enrolling her son in piano lessons at the class down the road. Present Studios, it was called, owned by the husbands Mr. Aizawa and Mr. Yamada. Izuku had taken a liking to the two immediately, and after the first month of practicing, that fire in him had still not given out. After the second, Inko grew anxious that the time was drawing to a close, and her son would soon find another hobby to throw himself into, but the month came and went and Izuku still powered on, as fierce and determined as ever.

A year had passed, then two, then ten, and Izuku Midoriya was now in his third and final year of high school, his passion for music had never dwindled, only grown stronger. Coincidentally, his piano teacher also happened to be teaching at UA High School, and he had been Izuku’s homeroom teacher for the last three years as well as his piano teacher for thirteen. In his world of music, Izuku had found friends who were also passionate about the subject, although never as much as him. Iida Tenya and Yaoyorozu Momo had enrolled in Mic Studios two years after he had, and he had always offered a helping hand to them despite being younger than the two. In return, the three had sparked a close friendship that extended to a fourth, Ochako Uraraka, a student who had enrolled in Mr. Yamada’s singing classes and often joined the three piano students during her breaks.

Now, Izuku was leaning over Iida’s desk, gushing about a new piece of music he’d discovered while digging through dusty vinyls.

“It’s amazing! I was always familiar with piano and violin duets but I never had thought of violin and guitar! I think Yaomomo would love this piece- I’ve been translating the guitar parts into piano so we can play with Kaminari next band practice and-” he was cut off as a book hit the back of his head, making him fall face first into Iida’s desk.

“Bakugo!” Iida barked, raising a hand over Izuku’s head “No throwing things in the classroom!”

“If that goddamned nerd stopped yapping about his shitty music then I wouldn’t have thrown it at him! Tell him to shut it!” Bakugo yelled back, rolling his eyes as Izuku glared at him.

“It’s not shitty music! Just because you can’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s bad!”

“Izuku! Language! Don’t engage with Bakugo, you know he’s only doing this to rile you up,” Iida’s voice took a gentler tone as he ended his sentence, pushing his glasses up his nose as he peered at Izuku with a furrowed brow. Izuku tensed for a moment before exhaling loudly.

“You’re right, he doesn’t even know anything about piano, why should I-” A hand slammed onto Iida’s desk and Izuku jumped back, staring wide-eyed at Bakugo’s scowl.

“For the record, I do know a thing or two about piano, stupid Deku. My parents have been dragging me across the country to catch every single one of All Might’s piano performances every time he’s had one, and on top of that they’ve made me study the old bastard’s scores until I was seeing them in my sleep,” Izuku couldn’t help the excited grin that crossed his face.

“Wow- Kacchan, I didn’t know you were a fan of All Might too! I’ve also been to all his concerts- well, most of them, my first one was with my mom when I was little but- how did I never know this?! We’ve been friends since we were in second grade!” Bakugo rolled his eyes, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he turned to walk back to his group of friends.

“Maybe you’re just not as attentive as you thought you were, Deku. There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

________________________

Izuku tugged at his hair, muttering to himself as he poured over his scores. He was going to do it- today, he’d send his very own manifesto to All Might in hopes of becoming one of his students. He’d been constructing this melody over the past three years, and the tear splotches and coffee stains on the otherwise immaculate piece of paper were evidence of that. He was coming to the end, the final home stretch of his song before he could finally call it finished and sign it off, but the melodies he once couldn’t get out of his brain seemed to have escaped him. He’d spent days obsessing over the last few bars of the song, making sure it ended perfectly and resonated with the rest of his piece. Iida had tried his best to help him, even bringing in Yaoyorozu in on her breaks from her homework and afterschool lessons to try and help push Izuku in the direction of finally completing his work, but even she seemed to be running short on ideas.

“You could always have the ending be a small repeat of the first two bars with a different flair?” She offered, tugging at her silky black hair as her eyes scanned over and over his music sheets.

“I thought of that but it seems too… I don’t know, basic? I feel like that's how most songs end nowadays, I want mine to end with a bang or something that’ll make the listeners want to hear more from me instead of just being a one-and-done, y’know?” he slid down his chair a little as Yaoyorozu leaned over his desk once more, ruffling papers and tapping a pencil against her lip as she thought.

“I’m afraid I’ve got nothing then, sorry Midoriya,” she seemed to deflate as she admitted defeat slumping back in her chair as the two pianists wallowed in silence, the bitter taste of defeat hanging thick on their tongues. The door opened a crack and Iida stepped in, carrying a tray of steaming tea and some pastries he’d baked earlier that day. Yaoyorozu seemed to light up as she saw him in the doorway, a gentle blush coating her cheeks as he set the tray down on a vacant table nearby, drawing a chair and motioning for Izuku and Yaoyorozu to join him.

“Any luck?” he said to Izuku, wrapping an arm around Yaoyorozu’s waist as she waltzed over to him, placing a peck on the top of his head as she poured herself some tea with a quiet ‘thank you’ to him.

“Nope. I feel like I’m running around in circles…Nothing I come up with sounds satisfying enough, and out of all the endings I’ve written none of them seem good enough to warrant me a place as one of All Might’s students!” Izuku’s voice was strained as he vented his frustrations, staring at the paper with exhaustion dripping from his body.

“Maybe you should take a break for a few days, come back, and then review it after a while and see if any new ideas have sprung into your head. That usually works for me when I’ve been stuck on a paper,” As always, Iida was the voice of reason among the three of them. Yaoyorozu sighed, drawing a stool from nearby beside Iida’s chair, and leaned her head on his shoulder, chewing on her cinnamon roll thoughtfully.

“I think Tenya’s right, as always. It could always be helpful to take a break and go do something random- who knows, it might help you think better and give you some better ideas,” she offered, which earned an approving nod from Iida.

Izuku sighed “Fine. I’ll take a break… but not for too long! The deadline is in a month, and I still need to run through it a few times to make sure the chord progressions flow nicely, and to double and triple check my notes are on the correct lines and I haven’t written them in the wrong place… Oh, and I forgot to put a few rest and repeats-” his speech turned into incoherent mumbling as he turned back to his score, grabbing a pencil and eraser and beginning to scribble some things and erase others. Iida and Yaoyorozu shared a look, then the pair turned back to Midoriya.

“Izuku. You need to take a break starting now. Come have some tea, I’ve been teaching Tenya how to brew it properly to a lady’s liking,” she said, accompanied by a smug smirk as she grabbed her teacup, sticking her pinky out as she sipped her tea. Iida couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his girlfriend, reaching over and pouring a cup for both him and Midoriya.

“Here. It’s chamomile, I figured you two needed something to calm you since you’ve been slaving away in here for the last two weeks,” he offered a cup to Izuku, who took it gratefully, staring into the contents for a few moments before speaking again.

“Hey- Iida, you did piano with us up until third year. Have you got any ideas as to how I could finish this?” Iida thought for a moment before shaking his head.

“I’m afraid not. All the ideas I had I offered to ‘Rozu… Although I might know someone who could have an idea-”

“I am not asking Kacchan.” Izuku interrupted with a glare “He made it very clear we’re academic rivals now- he’s also trying to be All Might’s student, and he said if I so much as breathed near his sheet music he’d hang me with a piano string and use my blood to write his next score,” Iida and Yaoyorozu grimaced at the threat.

“Well, that’s Bakugo for you- as crude and mean as ever,” Yaoyorozu mumbled into her cup, taking a long sip.

“He’s not that bad usually! He’s just very…competitive, y’know? We’re both fans of All Might, so I understand him not wanting to risk his chances- I don’t blame him!” the couple in front of him shared a long, knowing look before turning back to him.

“Sure… well um, I hope this… ‘friendly rivalry’ of yours doesn’t result in you helping Bakugo out without letting us know,” Yaoyorozu raised an eyebrow at Midoriya, and he chuckled nervously.

“What?! When have I… haha… ever done that?”

“For the sake of both my mental health and your physical well-being, I’m going to choose to ignore that. But seriously, Izuku,” she picked up the final piece of his sheet music, scanning her eyes over it and chewing her lip in thought, “I think you should keep this to yourself- all of it, okay?”

She made to slide the paper back onto the desk before she paused, eyes widening.

“Oh! I’ve had an idea-” she shot up, almost knocking her teacup to the floor as she set it down on the desk with a loud clatter. Swiping a pencil from behind Izuku’s ear, she scribbled a few notes down before holding the paper up, a victorious grin on her face as she flipped the paper around to Tenya and Izuku, showing them-

“It just…ends?” Tenya said with mild confusion, adjusting his glasses as he leaned forward.

“Yeah, it ends so suddenly-” Izuku hummed the notes on the last few bars, envisioning himself on the piano before he paused, eyes as wide as saucers as he leaped from his chair.

“Yaomomo you genius!” he laughed, setting his cup down and throwing his arms around her in a tight embrace, “An abrupt ending!! An homage to All Might’s ‘One for All, 8th movement’!” He took the paper from her delicately, eyes scanning over and over the page before he raced to the piano tucked away in the corner of the room, setting the paper up and playing the final page, the grin on his face widening with pride as his hands stilled.

“It's perfect!” he laughed, brushing his hair back as he collected the page again and added it to the rest of his score “Yaoyorozu I owe you my life- if I get this internship I’ll forever be in your debt-” she waved him off, cheeks red.

“It’s nothing! I’m sure you would’ve thought of it too if you weren’t so stressed-” Izuku shook his head, bowing at the waist before shooting back up, the familiar spark back in his eyes as he rocked back and forth on his feet.

“No no please- I’ll make sure to credit you and Iida accordingly once I hand this in- speaking of, I’ve got to do that now! The post office closes soon and I have work tomorrow with Mr. Aizawa- I’ll see you two later!” he scooped up his papers and bag and before Yaoyorozu or Iida had the chance to process his words, Izuku was out the door running as if his life depended on it- and it might as well have. Izuku thought he’d die if he didn’t make it to the post office in time, and thanks to his preparation, all other parts of his application had already been filled out and slotted inside the envelope tucked in his bag.

He folded his sheet music after looking over it longingly once more, hands shaking with excitement as he slid it into the too-thick envelope and licked the letter closed, waving to the security guard at the front of the post office as he slowed to a walk, sweat beading his forehead.

“Just in time, Midoriya,” Vlad huffed, pulling his hat over his eyes as he leaned against the wall “We’re closed for the next three days for renovations, so just put your letter in the box and it’ll be sent out tomorrow morning,”

“Thank you, Mister Vlad!” Izuku tried steadying his breathing as he walked towards the red box, glancing down at his envelope once more. Izuku was startled as he collided with someone, apologies already flowing from his mouth before he even made eye contact with the stranger.

“Jesus- watch it you damn ex- Deku?! What the hell are you doing here?” Bakugo barked, face already twisted in a scowl as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh! Kacchan! I was just um- sending a letter!” Izuku said quickly, side-stepping Bakugo and sliding his letter into the red postage box before stepping away “For the um… All Might apprenticeship-”

A laugh ripped from Bakugo, one so loud it made Izuku jump as the blonde wiped away a tear from his eye.

“Oh that's rich, you think you can get the spot to study with the All Might? You really are a moron, Deku. A loser like you doesn’t know a natural from a crotchet, what makes you think your stupid music is gonna be enough?” Izuku clenched his fists stepping away from Bakugo.

“I’ve spent the last three years perfecting this- if All Might doesn’t think it's good, then I’ll try again and again until it’s good enough for him. I don’t care if I don’t get the apprenticeship, as long as he’s seen my music, that’s good enough for me.” It was a bald-faced lie, and Izuku wondered if, for a moment, Bakugo saw through his deception. If he did, the blond didn’t let on and instead just scoffed.

“You… Get out of my sight, damned extra,” Bakugo turned on his heel and stormed away, hands shoved in his pockets.

“Good luck to you too, Kacchan,” Izuku said to his back, rolling his eyes as he turned and began his walk home. His mama would be so proud once he told her of his (and his friends’) success with the score. He played the score over and over in his brain as he trudged home, arriving at his street before he even processed his surroundings.

As Izuku neared his front door, he noticed a plain letter on the front step. Curious, he picked it up and turned it over, eyes widening as he saw it was addressed to him. He glanced around, frowning lightly as he walked inside, kicking his shoes off by the front door as he walked towards the living room.

“Izuku! Welcome home, honey!” Inko greeted, leaning up to peck his cheek before she scurried past him, pulling on a pair of shoes and a coat “I’ve got an urgent work meeting to attend so I won’t be home until later tonight, but I’ve fixed you up something for dinner. Make sure you do your homework, and lock the door once I leave! Love you Izuzu!” she was out the door a second later, leaving a confused Izuku standing in his living room alone with a letter in his hands. He turned the lock on the front door and turned back to walk to his room, eyes glued on the letter as he kicked his bedroom door shut. He pulled out a letter opened from his drawer (courtesy of Yaoyorozu- one of the many strange gifts he’d been given by her, albeit a very practical one) and sliced open the top of the letter, withdrawing the page from within.

He frowned. The letter was typed out, and the handwriting on the back of it was far too neat and formal to resemble any of his friends’ handwriting. Izuku began reading, and he felt himself turning redder with each sentence.

Dear Izuku,

First of all; Hi. I’m aware that this letter could be seen as odd, but I didn’t know how else to approach you. Truth be told, I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. I’ve admired your passion for everything from a distance for quite a while, but in the same way you’ve fallen in love with chasing your dream of being a composer, I’ve fallen in love with the boy in front of me. You’re kind; something a lot of people nowadays seem to be unable to be, and your kindness extends even to people who’ve wronged you or done you harm. I’m not sure how else to describe it but you have a pure soul, Izuku, and it's evident from the way you smile, but also in the pieces of music you write. They’re so full of life and energy and passion, and every time I walk past the band or music rooms and hear you play I feel my heart skip a beat. I wish I had the courage to say this to your face, but I’m afraid that if you knew who I was you’d hate me. For now, this is the most courage I can muster up- I hope that’s okay.

Good luck with your application for the internship, I believe in you. ♡

Your secret admirer~

Izuku stared at the letter dumbfounded, blinking rapidly as he read it over and over again. Someone… liked him? Someone liked him enough to send him an anonymous love letter.

He was calling Yaoyorozu before he knew it.

“Midoriya? What’s up, have you handed in you-”

“Someone just sent me a love letter. An anonymous one.”

“Someone WHAT,”

[thesealanterns]

So a long time ago I made a harpy version of Erik, but now I look back on it and think

This sucks

So I remade him

And some pencil stuff too

[ackerpretty]

Pervert Armin x black reader

MDNI & AGELESS BLOGS

Warnings: uhh EXTREME horniness and no self respect?

A/N: Y’all.. I barley proofread my shit so in sorry if there’s 500 typos and I just came outta writers retirement so I ask that y’all cut me some SLACK😭I’m done yapping now

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Armin knew he was going to be obsessed with you since the day you walked into the classroom. With your pretty brown gloss-covered lips and braids hanging hanging down to your ass. Your vanilla scent made all of the blood rush to his head…and dick. He had to have you all to himself. He wanted to take you back to him dorm and keep you there as his little pet. No one else would be able to see you on your knees like a puppy, tongue hanging out of your mouth and waiting for his next command. Maybe he’d tie you to his bed and stuff his shirt in your mouth so the whole residence hall won’t hear your screams (not that he’d care) . He was interrupted by his pervert thoughts when you approached him. “You Armin? I think were partners” of course y’all were partners. Armin made sure of that by rigging the professor’s spreadsheet. No, he simply refused to work with someone other than his pretty future wife. He talking bout some “Yeah! Let’s work at my dorm” knowing damn well y’all won’t be doing shit. He won’t make his princess do any work, he can bullshit this easy ass project as long as he can buy his face in your pussy for hours.

After 3 project sessions he had you wrapped around his finger….Literally. His two long slender fingers curled up into your pussy and tongue lapping up your brown-pinkish folds simultaneously.“Armin slow down please….I can’t” Amin simply ignored your ass, even flicking his tongue and a faster rate your sucking your clit until it was attached to his mouth. “just need to make you mine….wanna make my girl feel good” Your back arched off the bed as yours thighs shook around Armin’s head. Just when you were sure that you was finna squirt all over his, Armin stopped and flipped you over. “Want you to cum with my dick” This was the main event that Armin had fantasized. He opened up the little draw next to his bed and grabbed a baby blue ribbon to tie your hands behind your back with, and some vanilla coconut oil, your signature scent. That boy could not wait to oil up that ass, all for him. He slowly rubbed his hands all over your smooth brown skin, down to the back of your thighs. Armin squirts some oil of his hand, stroking his already hard dick. Without warning he slides into your pussy, almost nutting immediately after feeling your warmness. The small dorm was filled with sounds of your muffled moans and slapping sounds from Armin’s thighs against yours. “S’ the only dick you’ll ever need” He sneers through his teeth as his pace quickens and his grip on your hips create indents in your skin. Armin watched your arms struggle against the ribbon restraints and he took this opportunity to grab your arms and hold them behind your back while he fucked into your pussy.

Your breathing was becoming ragged and your walls began to spasm and clench around his dick. “Min im about to cum..ughh shit” He suddenly slows down his pace, making you whimper from the lack of speed. He grabs you by the throat, giving it a light squeeze. “Say you love me first…tell me your gonna be a good bitch for me” Your eyes are rolling into the back of your head and your mouth is hanging open, and that brain is struggling to put one word together. “Say it or you get nothing” he slowly starts fucking into you faster, hand still wrapped around your throat, trying to make you break ��Love you min..m’ur bitch” Your whole body begins to shake as you cream all over his dick . When you’re done he pulled out made sure to cum all over your face, globs of white sticking to your cheeks, nose, and forehead. “my good girl, baby” he says as his fingers stroked your cum covered face. After y’all get all cleaned up, he gently placed you in his bed where you knocked out as soon as your head hit the pillow. Armin couldn’t help but to admire your unconscious body, sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed. Yeah, you ain’t ever leaving his room.

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[bimbo-baggins17]

Imagine it’s Halloween night and James is working late in the garage so you drive over to check on him and force him to come home and you’re walking in between a bunch of broken cars trynna get to his office when all of a sudden you start getting chased by this man is ghostface mask and a knife with blood all over him only for the guy to bend you over one of the cars and fuck on you hard on it with a knife to your neck as he writes on you with his knife

Only for it to just be James pranking you for halloween like the bbg he is…. I’ve been getting too obsessed with James recently

-🌺

Cw: Noncon/dub con, knife play

The whole drive over to James’ auto shop, your fingers are drumming on the steering wheel. He never worked this late without telling you. When you get there, you cut the engine and start the trek through the cars that needed fixed to get to his office.

You hear the crunch of gravel to your left. You stop and turn in that direction, “James?” You call out but are met with silence. Not even the chirp of crickets.

Shaking off the forming pit in your stomach you continue on. You hear more footsteps to your left and stop again. “James is that you?” Again you’re met with silence.

You shake your head and pick up your pace, now freaked out. The sound of metal scraping against metal gets your attention. “I’m serious James, this isn’t funny!”

“You’re right. This isn’t funny.” A masked figure steps out from behind one of the project cars, the voice distorted.

Your eyes widen seeing the blood splattered Ghostface mask staring back at you. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You breathe out, your heart racing like a rabbit’s.

The figure tilts their head, “Surprised?”

Slowly you nod your head.

“Run.”

You don’t have to be told twice, taking off in the direction of James’ office in fear.

It doesn’t take long for your assailant to catch up to you, arm wrapping around your middle.

“HELP! HELP ME!!” You scream but a gloved hand clamps down over your mouth.

“Shh shh. Don’t wanna draw anyone’s attention before we can have fun.”

The figure drags you over to one of the cars, forcing you to bend over the side of the front hood. You sniffle at the realization of what’s happening. “Wh-where’s James?”

“James?” The voice coos. “That your boyfriend?”

“What did you do to him?”

“Don’t worry about it, we’re gonna have some fun you and me.”

You squirm under his hold. “No, please no.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He chides, pulling you up by your hair, holding a metal blade to your throat, “Now if you agree to play nice, I will too.”

With a sniffle, you nod your head in defeat.

“Good girl.” He releases the hold on your hair, removing the blade and pushing you back down against the car.

Your pants are pulled down around your ankles in a swift motion, feeling the tip of his cock prodding at your dry entrance.

You cry out at the stinging as he stretches you open with his dick.

“You got a nice pussy.” He grits out, thrusting into you harshly.

Silent tears slip out of your eyes and down your cheeks with each rough thrust.

Gloved hands push your shirt up your back a little. You feel the cool tip of the blade tracing along your skin, “Gonna make sure you remember this.” He says before carving into your flesh. You can’t see what he writes but it stings and you cry harder.

He fucks into you, taking what he wants and leaving his mark until he’s satisfied. When he pulls out and steps back, your legs are trembling and you’re still silently crying.

“Where James?” You ask meekly.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Those words make you feel like it confirms the worst. Slowly you lift up off the hood of the car and turn to look at the masked figure.

His hands reach up to the mask and your eyebrows knit together as he removes it. But then you’re met with the familiar face of your boyfriend.

Your eyes widen, “James??”

“Happy Halloween baby.” He grins.

You scoff and swat at his chest but he laughs catching your hands by your wrists. “I thought you were dead you asshole!”

“Relax, relax I’m fine. Just a little Halloween prank. Besides. Didn’t you say you wanted me to put one of these things on and chase you?” He questions holding up the white mask.

Your cheeks flush sheepishly but you nod your head slowly. “..yeah..but a warning woulda been nice..”

James grins, “Where’s the fun in that?”

[llamagoddessofficial]

@mothiepixie's art has dragged me kicking & screaming back into my Death God Sans obsession

so here's a concept I've been rolling around in my head for an updated scaryboy...

---

He was cloaked, head to toe, in black. Sweeping robes, black as the night, that seemed to draw in any light around them. Though delicate chains of silver decorated his shoulders and waistline, he had nowhere near the degree of finery one would expect from such an ancient and powerful being.

... He looked over his shoulder at your approach. His face was veiled. The veil itself was beautiful, as black as his cloak, the edges embroidered with fine thread that caught the light like stars. No one had ever survived glimpsing beneath that veil. Legends told of curious Gods peering when they should not- being driven mad instantly upon seeing the face of Death.

Immortals simply were not made to comprehend their existence coming to an end.

“... what a pleasant surprise.” He mused. “hello, little goddess.”

“S-Sans.” You couldn’t look at him long. “I-I... want to talk...”

... A sigh escaped him. He turned to you, fully, a great figure of black ash and silence. When he spoke, he sounded... regretful.

“of course you do.”

“I-it’s... it’s my friend. A nymph. She’s...”

He spoke gently. “i know what you're going to ask, so please do not ask me. i don’t want to have to refuse you.”

You didn't know why Sans had a soft spot for you. Other Gods and Goddesses had attempted to befriend him, attempted to gain his favour. They were always rebuffed- sometimes aggressively. You were the only one whose friendliness he ever reciprocated.

“She’s going to die." You almost choked on your words. "There... there must be something you can do, I...”

“i can’t.” His words carried the finality of someone who had been asked this question more times than he could count. “if i make one exception, the world will know. and then i’ll have to make a hundred more.”

The hope was draining from you. This is what you had feared most. “I-I won’t tell anyone. I... Please.”

“there are rules i have never bent.” He said, softly. “i cannot start now.”

...

You looked away. Though you knew you had no right to, considering he was only doing what he'd been made to do, you still felt hurt. “... I suppose you’ve had this conversation many times.”

A pause.

“... yes.”

“After a while it must get amusing.”

The veil shifted, slightly.

“i know you did not mean that.”

... You immediately felt regret biting at the back of your tongue. Of course he wouldn't be amused, what a horrible thing for you to say. He didn't choose this existence- and he certainly didn't choose to have his heart hardened by centuries of desperate people clawing at the bottom of his robes.

“... I’m sorry." You said, small. "I shouldn’t have come.”

...

“wait.”

In an instant, Sans was far closer to you, close enough that you could reach out and trace your hands across his robes. Great black wings, each taller than you, circled you; the veil fluttered for a moment, you thought you saw something glint beneath them that definitely wasn’t the light glancing off the fine silver embroidery. 

“... there is a way.”

You stopped, heart jumping in a mixture of hope, and apprehension at his proximity. His aura was overpowering. “There is?”

“making exceptions for the way my soul turns would not be acceptable." His head tilted. "however... making exceptions for kin...”

You wished you could see his face. Anything to clue you as to you what was going on. “... Kin?”

“your friend would be my kin, if you were my wife.”

... 

Your jumping heart stopped in your chest.

“... Your... wife.”

“it would be in name only. i cannot give you children. and... i would understand if you sought intimacy elsewhere.”

You felt yourself tearing up. You didn’t understand. “But... what’s the point, then? Why would you want me as a wife, if you know I won’t give you affection or children?” 

“do we have a deal?”

...

What other choice did you have? He could probably see it written all over your face.

“close your eyes.” He said, softly.

... You did. 

You heard nothing. But you felt something draw close, you felt that overwhelming aura intensity, a power that drifted across your skin like spiderwebs... it smelled like obsidian, in your mind’s eye it was the deepest shade of midnight. 

A hand on the small of your back. 

“do not open them.” His voice was so near. So near you felt it in your chest and throat.

... So near, that when you heard the sound of thin fabric being lifted, you could almost count the threads.

Breath against your cheeks. Instinctively, your hands came up, catching in his silken robes. Your frozen heart started pounding all over again.

... Pressure, on your lips. Gentle, warm, much warmer than you expected. The barest, softest touch... but it lingered long enough for you to sense that it was the touch of someone who was restraining themselves.

You didn't expect the kiss of Death to feel so loving.

As fast he had come, the warmth retreated from your lips, the hand retreated from your back. His cloak slipped out of your grip.

...

You opened your eyes. Sans was a few feet away from you.

... You didn’t need to be able to see his face to know he was smiling.

[mingtinysworld]

can you please write an imagine where y/n is hongjoong's childhood friend and when they grew up, she ended falling in love with san, because she thinks hongjoong only sees her as his “young sister”, but he gets really jealous and upset seeing her happy without him. 😭

(sorry my bad english, not my native language)

Okkk literally obsessed with this concept omg. Possessive/jealous Hongjoong is one of my fav things ever hehe. Thank you for requesting!!

Look at my heart

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem!reader ft. San

Genre: angst, fluff

Word count: 1.5k

Networks: @newworldnet

“What do you think of San?”

Hongjoong looks up with alarm, his position on your beat up couch stiffening. His voice gets caught in his throat for a second, not exactly knowing what to say. He blinks the daze away and makes hesitant eye contact with you.

“What do you mean Y/n? I barely know him.” He answers timidly.

You know San from your chemistry class that you share with Hongjoong. He sits across the room, and your only opportunity to interact with him is in group projects, which you’re grateful for. San, from what you can tell, is a very passionate and loving person. He loves getting to know people and dedicating his whole self to the people he loves. There’s some kind of spark about him that draws you to him, but you can’t help but needing Hongjoong’s approval.

You and Hongjoong have been best friends for almost your whole life. Your families were very close, so close to the point his parents were practically your parents. You have had countless experiences with him, solidifying your trust and bond with the man. Recently though, you’ve noticed a shift. You can’t figure out what it is though, no matter how hard you try.

“I think I might be interested in San.” You say quietly, as if you’re worried about scaring Hongjoong away.

“I-I mean, I don’t think my opinion really matters Y/n. If you like him, then I’d say go for it!.” He shows you a toothy smile, but not the Hongjoong smile you’re used to. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I just thought I’d ask.” You speak a little too brightly, determined to break the building tension. You let out an awkward laugh and Hongjoong follows you, resulting in a stiff silence right after. Before you can move, Hongjoong beats you to it, declaring that he has plans to attend to, and leaves your apartment leaving you conflicted and confused.

———

The following day as you see him in class, he seems closed off, headphones on and mind in a daze. You decide approaching him isn’t the best option currently, opting to give him space by sitting at a different table. Coincidentally, the table ends up being where San is sitting, chipper as ever.

“Hi Y/n! I’m so glad you get to sit with me today!” He explains excitedly.

The pure joy in his face makes you smile despite the fact that your brain is facing immense turmoil. “I decided to sit somewhere new for a change!” You beam at him. He leans in close to you, and whispers.

“Did you and your boyfriend have a fight?”

Your body freezes and your mouth opens, not sure what to say. For some reason, your breathing quickens, and your nervous system feels attacked.

“He-he’s not my boyfriend. Why would you think that?” You ask cautiously.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you? Plus he also acts like your bodyguard, staring daggers at anyone who dares to approach you. He’s the main reason I haven’t made a move on you yet.” He shrugs nonchalantly, while your body is internally screaming, trying to process the information.

“You…wanted to make a move on me?”

He tilts his head slightly and holds your eyes meaningfully. “Absolutely. I think I would be crazy not to.” He winks playfully and you can’t help but blush. At that moment, you hear a loud chair scraping noise, and look back just in time to see Hongjoong’s agitated retreating form.

You try to ignore it, convincing yourself that he needs space. So you force yourself to turn back to the sunny face of San, and brace yourself for your words.

“San, will you go out with me?”

———

You start going out with San regularly, thoroughly enjoying your time with him. The conflict with Hongjoong has been pushed to the back of your mind, choosing to ignore it in order to not go crazy. You decide that if he wanted to, he would tell you if something was wrong.

You stopped sitting with him in class, a deep fear within that your connection has been severed, and not wanting to bear the consequences. Even though you’re not sure if you did something wrong, you can’t help but feel some kind of guilt deep down.

Due to this guilt, you eventually find yourself waiting in front of Hongjoong’s apartment. You’ve been standing there for at least five minutes, nervously debating whether to stay or leave. Finally, as you raise your knuckles to knock, the door opens abruptly, leaving you startled and like a deer in headlights.

“Y/n you might as well come in. It’s cold outside.” He sighs heavily and lets you in, trailing behind your small form. As you look at his stoic face, you can’t help but tear up, desperately needing to feel the warmth of your best friend.

“I’m sorry,” you say with a sniffle. “I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to cause this rift between us. All I wanna do is get us back.”

“I don’t.”

“What?” You look up with wide eyes, his face not having changed in the slightest.

“I’m sick of feeling like this, constantly having to bottle up my true feelings, and for what? To just be substituted?” He speaks with a quiet anger, voice barely above a whisper, but you feel as you’re being hit with sharp icicles.

“Hongjoong, I don’t understand-”

“Of course you don’t,” he lets out a bitter laugh, eyes trained on the carpet. “You don’t understand and you haven’t understood all these years.”

“Understand what? Help me understand.” You plead with misty eyes.

At that moment, your phone lights up, showing San on your screen. Hongjoong notices and he immediately scowls, leaving his chair abruptly. You watch him stomp away and reluctantly pick up your phone.

“San? What’s up?”

“I wanted to see what my favorite girl was up to! What do you think of going on a picnic later in the afternoon?” He asks with excitement laced through his voice.

“San…I’m sorry, but I can’t today. I’ve got some…” you look at up and see Hongjoong at his desk, tapping his foot impatiently. “business to take care of.”

San seems to understand, but still can’t help but be disappointed. You say bye to him and hang up with a heavy sigh.

“Hongjoong, let’s please talk about this.”

He reluctantly stands up, returning to his spot earlier, and stares at you intently. “Do you really not know or are you just pretending?” You furrow your eyebrows and shake your head.

“I genuinely have no idea what’s going on.” You admit.

“Y/n, I can’t pretend anymore. It hurts me, just how much I ache for you. You’re all I think about, constantly, every day. I can’t fathom a life where you’re not in it, but seeing you with San is…it breaks me. I question why you don’t see me the same way you do him. We’re best friends, yes, but what best friend does what I do? Everyone else thinks I’m your boyfriend except you. Why are you so oblivious to my love?” He pours out his heart, voice cracking at the end of his sentence.

You’re stunned by his confession, not exactly sure what to say. All you know is that a fragment of your heart is being healed, being filled with a love you didn’t know you were missing. It feels whole suddenly, as if everything you’ve ever wanted has landed in the palm of your hand. You search his eyes for any signs of a lie, but all you see is raw emotion emanating in waves.

“Hongjoong, I didn’t know you felt this way. To be honest, I didn’t even think it a possibility. I thought that if I were to let myself feel what I felt, I would’ve ruined what we had. I locked that part of myself away, refusing to let it come to the surface. But…” You take a deep breath and continue. “Since you feel the same way, I can be free to feel.”

“Y/n, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you in the same way. I’ve been so stupid to pretend not to, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” As the first tear travels down your face, Hongjoong leaps forward to envelope you in a tight embrace. He cradles your head against his chest as you freely sob, letting out your bottled emotions.

“I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel unwanted.” You hiccup as you speak, emotion overtaking you. “I love you, so so much.”

He holds you even tighter, as if afraid you’ll melt away. “I love you and have always loved you. Why do you think I try to scare off any guy who gets close to you?” You let out a laugh, a thick throaty sound.

“Hongjoong, I feel so stupid. I could’ve had you so much sooner.” You whisper against him.

“It’s alright, you have me now.” He sighs into your hair and mumbles by your ear. “However, it’s my first time seeing you cry this much. What a crybaby.” You look up at him with a glare.

“We never speak of this again, got it?” You ask with a playful threat in your eyes.

“Yes ma’am.” He says with a salute. “Now, I get to have you all to myself.” His mouth quirks up as you bite your lip to hide your big grin.

“Alright mister, let’s catch up on this relationship shall we?”

[lynzishell]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire 💛Atlas & Asher🩵

✨TYSM for the tag @raiiny-bay, @zosa95, @dandylion240, @sirianasims, and @hannahssimblr 🤗💖

Of course, I went overboard with this, so grab your favorite beverage and let's dive right in, shall we? ☕💕

-what common/uncommon fear do they have?

💛Atlas: [Pointing to Asher] Water. 🩵Asher: You can’t just leave it at that. It’s not like if you set a glass of water on the table, I’ll run screaming. I have a fear of drowning, so I don’t like to be submerged in water. You’re never going to catch me out swimming. Probably not on a boat either, while we’re at it. Not taking any chances. 💛Atlas: Fair enough. But you won’t even put your face under the water in the shower. 🩵Asher: That’s because it reminds me of being submerged in water. Anyway, this conversation is making me sweaty, and there just happens to be water on the other side of this fence, so let's change the subject. Next question.

-do they have any pet peeves?

🩵Asher: Oh, Atlas fuckin’ hates mindless small talk, like the kind you use just to fill the silence, or because you awkwardly feel like you need to talk to the person next to you. Seriously, he’ll like you a lot more if you just sit next to him in silence for an hour. 💛Atlas:  Very true. And yet, your record for silence is, what, twenty minutes?  🩵Asher: Maybe. But I don’t make mindless small talk. 💛Atlas: Yeah, I do like listening to you ramble on about your latest obsessions. You get all animated and excited, it’s really cute. 🩵Asher: You’re really cute.

-what are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

💛Atlas: Uh, I don’t know, what’s in our room besides the obvious? Probably too many electronics. 🩵Asher: Right, between the computer and the switch and my drawing tablet and our phones... 💛Atlas: And your sketchbooks and pencils. How many pencils does someone need? 🩵Asher: I don’t have enough; I’ll tell you that much. Count yourself lucky that most of my art supplies are scattered between Lex’s place and my parents’ house. One day I’ll get it all organized in one place, but that day is not today.

-what do they notice first in a person?

🩵Asher: Hm. That's a good question. What did you notice about me first? 💛Atlas: Your hair, obviously. 🩵Asher: [laughs] 💛Atlas: But no, I would say your eyes. I’d never met anyone with such pure gray eyes before, they’re striking. Your eyes are very expressive too. And you make eye contact with people more than anyone else I know. Like, whenever I talk to you, I always feel like you’re really listening. 🩵Asher: [smiles] I am.

-on a scale of 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

🩵Asher: Oh god, mine is probably like a 5, and Atlas’s is probably a fuckin’ 8 or 9. 💛Atlas: I would’ve said 7, but we can go with 8.

-do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

💛Atlas: I think my first instinct is freeze, but then probably flight. Depending on the situation, I’ll walk away or hide away. 🩵Asher: Mostly. But with James, you definitely went to fight. 💛Atlas: That was different. I don’t care if people hurt me, but I’m not going to let them hurt the people I love. Ash is definitely more of a fighter than I am.  

-do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

🩵Asher: I don’t come from a big family, it’s just my parents, me, my sister, and my niece, but we are very close. But honestly, family isn’t just about relatives. Chosen family is just as important. When I say my family is the most important thing to me, I don’t just mean them, I also mean Atlas and Lex and Dawn and Phoenix and Aspen too. And Jasper, obviously. 💛Atlas: Exactly. If we’re talking about relatives, I come from a very large family, but I will never see or speak to any of them again, except for Dawn, of course. A few years ago, I never would’ve considered myself a family person, but Ash’s family taking me in changed all that. I’d definitely say I am now. 🩵Asher: I love that.

-what animal represents them best?

💛Atlas: Oh, that’s easy. Ash is just like Jasper, his border collie. Playful and energetic, friendly, intelligent, hardworking, and he loves to snuggle. 🩵Asher: Hm. I think for Atlas, I’d say a deer. 💛Atlas: A deer? 🩵Asher: Yeah, like, you’re quiet and cautious, a bit anxious with a tendency to hide, but you’re also beautiful and sweet. 💛Atlas: You make me sound more like a bunny. 🩵Asher: No, definitely not a bunny. Have you ever come upon a big buck deer? They’re majestic and intimidating, and they’ll kick your ass if they have to. They’re… survivors.

-what is a smell that they dislike?

💛Atlas: Ammonia. 🩵Asher: No one likes the smell of ammonia. 💛Atlas: I know, but when I was a kid, at the end of every school year, we’d have to clean our desks with this ammonia spray. Twenty kids spraying ammonia in an enclosed room. It was awful. I’m sure they had the windows open, but even still, that smell is seared into my brain, makes me want to gag just thinking of it.

-have they broken any bones? if so, how?

🩵Asher: Okay, story time! So, when I was ten? Eleven? Something like that. Anyway, I was dancing around in my room, as one does, and I tripped on a book, one of many scattered around my disaster of a room, and tried to catch myself as I went down. Bad decision. I’ll spare you the details, but the pain I felt in my wrist was horrible. I literally saw stars. And then I almost puked when I looked at it. So, of course, I started screaming for my mom. She came running in, and I told her that I’d broken my wrist. And what did she do? She yanked on it and snapped it back into place! Because apparently, I’d just dislocated it. But, fuck, it hurt. If a broken bone is worse than that, then I hope I never break one. 💛Atlas: I broke a toe once. Stubbed it on the corner of my bed when I was in college. I wasn’t good about taping it up or anything either, so it healed a little crooked.

-how would a stranger likely describe them?

🩵Asher: For Atlas? One word: quiet. How they interpret that quietness varies though. Some people think he’s really shy, others think he’s just aloof. But he’s actually neither. He’s introverted and pensive, sure, but he’s also very warm and enjoys chatting with people if it’s a more meaningful conversation, y’know. Like, when we first met, we would talk for hours and hours. 💛Atlas: That’s true, but you’re such an easy person to talk to. I think that’s what people would say about Ash. He’s just very relaxed and friendly and has a way of putting people at ease. He’s good at connecting with people and getting them talking and making them laugh.  

-are they a night owl or a morning bird?

🩵Asher: Probably night owls, I’d say. Atlas prefers starting his day later and working late, if he has the option. 💛Atlas: Yeah, but these days, it feels like I’m working all the time. But even still, Ash starts his day earlier. I don’t know. I think he’s somehow both. He has no issues with mornings, but he also gets a burst of energy in the evening and sometimes it’s hard to get him to come to bed. 🩵Asher: To sleep, anyway. 💛Atlas: [laughs] Right.

-what is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

💛Atlas: Ah, Ash hates vinegar and anything pickled. And he loves warm spices like cinnamon and cardamom. 🩵Asher: Oh my god, and Atlas is fuckin’ backwards when it comes to this. He likes bitter flavors to a strange degree, like super bitter beer and strong coffee and he’ll only eat chocolate if it’s the super dark stuff, otherwise he hates it. He doesn’t like sweets. No sugary drinks or candy or even pastries.

-do they have any hobbies?

🩵Asher: We both love gaming and dancing. Otherwise, I like to draw and spend time with my dog. My favorite is taking him down to the beach to play fetch, he loves it there. 💛Atlas: Yeah, and I don’t know, I like to stay active because I feel like I’m constantly at a desk otherwise. I used to rock climb a lot, but since we climbed Mt. Komorebi, we took a break and never really got back to it, so I pretty much just run and work out at the gym occasionally. And I like to sing. 🩵Asher: Seriously, I wish you could hear him. He has the most incredible voice. 💛Atlas: Aw, thank you.

-boom, surprise birthday party! how do they react to surprises?

💛Atlas: Ash would love it! He’d be so stoked that everyone showed up for him like that. 🩵Asher: And Atlas would probably dump me on the spot if I ever did that to him. 💛Atlas: I don’t know if I’d dump you, but… okay, yeah, I probably would.

-do they like to wear jewelry? if so, what is their favorite piece?

🩵Asher: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Atlas wear any jewelry. 💛Atlas: No, I’ve tried, but I could never get used to it. I’d always end up taking it off by midday. 🩵Asher: I can see that. I wear earrings, but that’s it. I used to wear a necklace that an ex gave me, but I threw it out when we broke up. I wanted to throw it into the ocean, but I didn’t dare to walk out on the dock [laughs] so I tossed it in a dumpster instead. 💛Atlas: I didn’t know that. Which ex? 🩵Asher: Elias. 💛Atlas: Ahh. Yikes. 🩵Asher: Yeah. Anyway. Next question.

-do they have neat or messy handwriting?

💛Atlas: I think we both write fairly neat. 🩵Asher: I think so too. Yours is all sharp angles, but it’s not sloppy. 💛Atlas: Yeah, and you have a strong preference for uppercase letters. Sometimes it’s rushed, but it’s never messy. Actually, I’ve never thought about it before, but I really like your handwriting. 🩵Asher: I like yours too.

-what are two emotions they feel the most?

🩵Asher: [points to Atlas] Anxious. 💛Atlas: All of the time. 🩵Asher: And, hm, we can only pick two? I’d probably go with either introspective or focused. 💛Atlas: That’s probably right. For you, I’d say, passionate or inspired and then maybe playful or energetic or something like that. Okay yeah, passionate and playful.

-do they have a favorite fabric?

💛Atlas: Probably cotton, I guess. 🩵Asher: Yeah, same. I don't know. Never really thought about it, to be honest.

-what kind of accent do they have?

🩵Asher: I don’t know. Do we have accents? I mean, I guess Atlas gets a hint of a drawl when he drinks, it’s pretty cute. 💛Atlas: I do not. 🩵Asher: You do! I never told you because I didn’t want you to get self-conscious and try to stop. 💛Atlas: It’s a good thing I don’t drink often, I guess. 🩵Asher: Whatever. I love it. 💛Atlas: And I love you. 🩵Asher: I love you too.

And I love them too!! 🥹

Okay, whew! What are the chances anyone actually read all that? I really can't just be normal about these things, can I? Oh well... Now it's your turn!! I'm gonna tag @madebysimblr, @crownsofesha, @xldkx, @honeyjars-sims, aaaaaaaaaaand @igotsnothing 🤸🏻‍♀️💖 Answer them normally, or have a little fun with it, or ignore me completely, that's fine too (no it's not) 🫶🏻

[tortor-sauce]

18+ POST LOOK AWAY 👹🔞 if you’re not 18+ PLEASE DNI with this post!! 👹🔞

(sketch and drabble and headcanons)

(jel/reth/oc stuff)

GO AWAY LOOK AWAY!!!!! IM WARNING YOU 🔪

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I CANT EVEN TAG THIS I DONT EVEN WANT PEOPLE TO SEE BUT I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE AND TALK ABOUT IT OR I’LL EXPLODE!!!!

i’m too shy to share the whole picture IM SORRY—i just wanted to capture a few headcanons into a single shamelessly horny drawing of the three of them together. also, my thoughts are completely unorganized and this post is mostly just me rambling!

small disclaimer, if you don’t agree with or like my headcanons, that’s totally valid but please don’t tell me so 🙇 i kindly ask you just move on from this post. thank you!

okay. so i feel like both reth and jel are service tops HEAR ME OUT—like, they’re both just a couple of pathetic lover boys who are so head over heels in love with you. the fact they practically always gift you something when you flirt with them in-game (jel gifting silk and reth gifting soup) i feel is their attempts at spoiling you and taking care of you in their own way. they just want to see you happy and make you cum your brains out a thousand times until you can’t think straight anymore 🥺

and in general, i feel jel would love to shower you in compliments and words of praise and practically worship your body. while i feel reth is the type to show you how he feels and relish in watching you come undone with him. but personally 👉👈 i feel jel and reth align more closely as switches because they’re both so.. so soft and need to be spoiled and loved so deeply (no innuendo intended)

with that said, i think jel is a more intimate and passionate lover while reth is a bit more unhinged and rough. that’s not to say jel doesn’t have his sadistic bouts. i feel it stems directly from his obsessive nature and grows into a desire to watch you submit to him and his whims, sort of in a controlling way. but it makes him so happy when you do. the need to know you belong to him, both your heart and body, is honestly really important to him. i actually feel he has control issues due to a number of reasons but that’s a different discussion—💀 and he rewards you so thoroughly for showing him how much you love him. god, the aftercare? he’s so gentle and attentive and treats you like the most precious thing he’s ever held.

more on reth, while not as sadistic, i feel he’s still plenty controlling when he wants to be. the poor man has hardly any control in his day-to-day life and the fact you allow him an ounce of control? over your body of all things? yeah, that shit drives him mad (positive). gets a bit carried away and leaves marks on your body, hickeys, scratches, bruises, the like. but hey, at least it’s a pretty reminder of how much fun you had together. plus, if anyone sees they’ll know you belong to him. but he definitely teases you about it the following days by making sly comments and even running his fingers over the more sensitive marks.

so, in my polycule i envision moments where two will actively spoil the other. so for instance like when maddox and reth want to spoil jel and shower him in the love and affection he deserves, he gets all shy and blushy but relishes in the moment. he pays them back tenfold once they’re finished, but not that same night. maddox and reth make sure he’s completely worn out so he’ll finally get some damn sleep for once. reth is the same in that regard; he gets all shy and blushy but he enjoys being spoiled for once. not having to care about anything or anyone else and focus fully on himself and his pleasure. and the two know this and want to show him how loved he is. lowkey i imagine jel bringing him to tears, crying tears of pleasure and from overstimulation but that may be a personal thing of mine. 💀 and as for maddox? they both know exactly which buttons to push. i imagine them sort of egging each other along. i mentioned earlier i think jel has a sadistic side to him, well i think the same of reth albeit not nearly as prominent. like, the fact he teases and flirts so much could be for a number of reasons, but how lovely it would be if it were only to watch their reactions each time. with that said, maddox happens to be very reactive and discovering that fact in bed, like, awakens something inside of him to tease more, to push as much as maddox will allow him. and yes, he notices the way jel reacts to it too. it only makes him want to tease him for the fact as well 🥴 WHICH is why i drew him with that expression LMAO normally i would’ve imagined him with a much softer and kinder expression but i think he’s quick to lose himself in the throes of pleasure which causes him to act a bit selfish at times. but like i said, i see him as a service top so really his ‘selfish’ moments are him just spoiling maddie and jel and showering their bodies with so much love and attention.

i have so many more thoughts but this post is getting long and i’m getting embarrassed so i’ll stop there for now.

IF YOU READ THIS IM SORRY LOL BUT THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME///////

[theravenandtheartist]

The Wenvier scene in jail is a 10/10 scene.

First, when Xavier sees Wednesday he doesn’t even look angry, he just looks defeated and hurt and things only change when he asks her how does she know Tyler is the Hyde and Wednesday (like a freaking idiot!!!) tells him that she saw it in a vision when he kissed her. Xavier looks even more hurt by the confession but he gets mad when Wednesday asks for his help.

That’s when things truly break between them.

He can’t believe she has the nerve to ask for his help NOW when he spent so much time trying to help her and being her friend and the only thing he got was rejection over and over again.

He screams “you ruined my life”, “I tried being your friend, look where that got me” and Wednesday who is very emotionally constipated and struggles with social cues tells him “This isn’t about us, Xavier!”, cause for her it isn’t! 1) she is very much focused on the case and getting revenge and 2) she hasn’t registered her actions yet, not really.

When Xavier screams “No, it’s about you!” that’s when it starts to sink in.

“You are toxic!”, “Everytime you get involved people get hurt!” These words get to her, she’s hurt! but being Wednesday she pushes everything down and tries again, she shows Xavier the drawing hoping to spark something in him, but for the first time he’s not buying it. He’s done with her and her behavior.

And for the first time he’s the one to truly reject her. She has a taste of her own medicine.

“That can’t happen if you are not there.” “Leave!” and she’s prideful and stubborn, but his words sting and hit the target. And we see that when we see Wednesday pack all of her stuff and tell Enid, “Xavier is right, this can’t happen if I’m not here.”

She cares about what he thinks of her, she doesn’t want Xavier to think she’s toxic, it’s probably the first time it sinks in for her that she cares about him on a conscious level.

She spends the entire season seeking him out, obsessing over his actions, but not once she realizes what it means, not fully. Finding out that she has trusted the wrong people just like Xavier said she did, being openly rejected by him, puts everything in a different perspective for her.

The first thing she does with that knowledge is putting herself in front of him to save his life.

I just love them very much.

[bittybat28]

I’m in a Mary Goore mood so let’s do some head cannons! Goore x Reader

(18+ for this because there will be some NSFW, blood and because Mary is a perverted gremlin)

1. I believe Mary is in some way related to the Emeritus family so he now lives at the ministry in which he helps with the Ghost project all while spreading chaos with the Ghoul’s and scaring the living shit out of siblings and Sister Imperator!

2. Mary was never one to be in relationships but as soon as he saw you, he was obsessed. He tried to be everywhere you were, wether it was “bumping” into you while you were working or finding out your favorite places in the ministry so he could be there too. And he will often make sexual jokes because Mary is Mary and that’s one of the ways he flirts.

3. I feel as if he’s a lot like the Ghouls and will often bring you gifts to show he likes you. Bones are a big thing! He will make you jewelry out of the ones he finds (or digs up..he’ll never tell) and leave them in your room or in a favorite place you like to be. If you like stuffed animals, he will make one for you. He has a secret sewing hobby that no one knows about. His stuffed animals won’t exactly be normal of course. He’ll make you a bunny with one missing eye or a torn ear, the end hanging off by a safety pin! It’ll look beat up but he’s damn proud of it!

4. Mary is not good with speaking his emotions but he will try and show it. His affection’s can be rough because he definitely gets cute aggression. He loves you so much he just wants to squeeze you and kiss you to death! They want to touch you everywhere, even in public. If you’re a sibling of sin, his sneaky hands are trying to get under that habit or uniform. if you scold him, he will pout a bit but will hold your waist or put his hand at your ass instead.

5. Mary likes rough sex. He wants you screaming his name through the entire thing. Blood and knife kink all the way! He loves blood. The smell, the texture, the taste all drive him wild and it furthers that feral-ness in him when you’re covered in it! Wether it’s his blood or yours doesn’t matter and if you don’t like being cut, he will happily make the sacrifice instead. He’s a biter and his canines are oddly sharp for a human, easily piercing your skin. After care was never really a thing for him until he met you and you showed him how nice it was. Now he’ll kiss every wound and praise you, even draw you two a bath so he can wash you and you wash him because he needs it anyway!

6. Mary is a pack rat and will steal anything, especially if it belongs to you. You wear a certain chapstick everyday? It’s his now and he puts it on so his lips taste like yours if he can’t kiss you. Underwear is his favorite thing to take and those sticky fingers will snatch up your favorite pair to sniff whenever he misses you and your scent. Anything that reminds him of you he will steal and you’ll have to go digging through his room to find it which could be a bit of an adventure!

7. He’s obsessed and protective with you and will always find a way to watch you just to make sure no one is bothering you. They are not above beating the shit out of someone who even looks at you the wrong way! He will never ever tell you who you can and can’t hang out with but if someone gives him a bad feeling, he’s extra watchful and may cause extra mayhem to that person. If you guys are together in a group, Mary will have you on his lap or pressed into his side just to keep you close.

8. Mary suffers from night terrors and often wakes up yelling or fighting. No one knows what he dreams about because he refuses to talk about it but he often comes into your room at night, crawls into bed and just cuddles. He’s usually very dominant but in moments like these, he wants to be held and loved on. He’ll crawl between your legs and just flop down on your body, feeling your warmth. He loves it when you run your fingers through his hair or run your nails along his back. Give him kisses and sing to him! He’ll be out in minuets and won’t wake up again.

9. Some of Mary’s pet names are a little unconventional but that just adds to his charm. He’s calls you his little corpse, his raven, even calls you a little demon. Otherwise he calls you babe, sexy, hot stuff and sweetness! He will rarely ever use your actual name and he thinks it’s funny when you two call each other the most ridiculous things!

10. His idea of a date is usually fucking somewhere you’re not supposed to but he also loves a movie date where you two watch a scary movie and eat snacks together. He laughs at horror movies like they’re a comedy! He will take you on a midnight picnic to the ministries cemetery and tell you scary stories that make you want to jump into his arms so he can protect you! He can be an asshole and sometimes thick when it comes feelings and emotions but he will always try to make you happy and he will never let you go.

[cherry-cosmoz]

🗡️Heart shaped cut 🪓

Ticci Toby x fem!reader

Tag warning ‼️: gore,blood mentions,murdering,

Reader info!!

You live in your grandparents house

Age 18

Mentally unstable teen

Obsession with creepypastas and fan fictions

Now onto the story…

Y/n POV:

It started some weeks ago. You know the feeling of being watched? Every night you got it, the hairs on the back of your neck would stand up.

Since then you’ve installed cameras. That’s when you saw him. Yes of course you’ve read every wattpad fanfiction that’s cought your eye, but him actually watching you sleep at night? You were in shock.

It was really him. Ticci mother fucking Toby your in utter shock, yeah he looks fucked up compared to the drawings of him but none the less he’s still attractive to you. His brown messy hair and his orange goggles, his skinny but lean tall build.

He’s so amazing to your eyes, you reconsider your thoughts knowing he would kill you 100% but you can’t help but think of all the fan fictions of wehere you both fell in love wishing it was true.

Out of no where while you’re watching the cameras you see him pop up at your window. You scream Toby hears the sound and breaks into your window, leaping into your room fixing his mask.

Your gasping for air shocked at your stupidity and now you’re going to fucking die. Go y/n. Never mind that FUCKING TICCI TOBY IS IN YOUR ROOM.

You watch as he kinda twitches.

“A-aren’t you s-scared?”

“Holy shit…” you say under your breath

*he cackles* “I wonder how many p-peices I can cut you into.”

Holy fuck you were about to die but what better way to die then telling your killer how much you admire him. Right?

“Holy Shit it’s really you! I know your gonna kill me but you just have to know how much I read about you I love you so much”

“Oh shit I shouldn’t have said that”

“D-dumb fucking girl..” *toby grabs you by your hair and drags you out of your window*

“st-stupid girl thinking I won’t hurt you just because you think I’m cute?” *he laughs menacingly* “f-frankly I don’t give a fuck who you are, just because you said that I’m gonna m-make you wish you never d-did”

*you scream trying to get his hands off your scalp.. by no avail they won’t budge* “w-wait..I’ll help you kill.”

“HA you really are stupid if you think that’s going to stop m-“

He’s cut off by you pulling out an army knife from your cargo pants, stabbing him in the thigh and twisting it.

*he looks down dumbfounded* “s-someone didn’t do their research on m-me I can’t feel pain you little shit.”

Fuck I’m cooked you thought

“Y-yknow what you’ve got some spunk k-kid you have one chance at killing somebody or I’m going to brutally murder you and cut you into bits.”

PART TWO COMING SOON

[chickened-out-noodle]

Or Nothing At All...

The call goes to voicemail, again, and Gerald is so frustrated he could scream. His children are sitting in the car, it’s been hours and hours since Linda walked into that mall and now he can’t get a hold of her. The last time she said anything was to cry about a hair appointment as if she wasn’t trapped in a mall with people murdering each other over a doll. He calls again, shifting in his seat and looking at the mall in front of him. Nervously, the pointer finger on his right hand picks at the cuticle of his big thumb. Come on, come on, please tell me you’re ok–

“Gerald?” Linda’s voice has always had a bell-like quality to it, clear and high. Gerald sinks against the driver’s seat with relief. 

“Linda, honey, what’s going on in there? I called like forty times–”

“I’m okay, Gerald. I–” She pauses, collects her thoughts. “I’m not going to be out for a while, though.”

Gerald frowns at the dashboard as his mind races. He opens the car door, stepping out and closing it behind him. If something serious is happening, if Linda is in trouble, he doesn’t want the boys to hear about it. “What’s going on?”

Gerald was not an idiot. You might assume that he was tricked into marrying Linda, because how could any man stand someone who would do anything for what she wanted? This is not the case. He knew the moment he met her that Linda was insatiably hungry for more, that she was ruthless. He saw how he treated Becky Barnes, how she treated the people she thought were beneath her. 

Despite all of that, nothing prepared him for Linda explaining that she had pledged loyalty to a dark God and was now the prophet of a cult that followed Him. Of all her schemes, all the ways she’d gotten herself to the top, this was a whole new world in comparison. He could barely believe what he was hearing, stuck on the fact that this was actually happening and not the plot of some show. She was going to build a portal, she explained, a birth canal for Wiggly to emerge from. And when He did, He would claim Earth as His own. Incredible power, incomprehensible and unimaginable. Nothing would stop Him after that, and it was possible they couldn’t even stop Him now. 

This should be the straw that breaks the camel's back, the thing that convinces him to leave Linda, take the kids, and never look back. And maybe something was wrong with him, but he didn’t want to. The malice, the power that she commands because she will really stop at nothing... It draws him in, like a moth to a flame, and he’s happy.

He’s happy. 

But… is this too far? Is there a line here? Is there a point where he stops enabling her, where he steps back and realizes that she is going to get him killed someday? That she’s likely already got other people killed? That she cares about power before anything else, that she cares about being loved more than anything else. It’s typical that she would become the Mother, the Prophet, in the spotlight drinking in attention and affection from a world obsessed with idolizing celebrities wherever they can. He would choose his wife and children over anything, and he has before. He would walk to the moon and back again, find a way to part the Red Sea all over again if it meant his wife and kids would be happy. 

Linda would choose power. And she had. 

_______

This is a part two to All, but from Gerald's POV :)) Hope you guys enjoy! - Soup

Edited by @disdoorted-crows

[rosetheocto]

My Rants and Reviews on the Failtopia S2 Finale Outfits!

this post was inspired by the one made by @cosmo-production so please check out their post too! my review is under the cut

Major Failtopia Season 2 spoilers ahead!

Mar

yeah it’s the basic one, but i think that fits him! If I had to pick another outfit it would be the Pro one, but I genuinely can’t see him in anything else other than the boring chef outfit. I feel like if he wanted to change it he def could (I mean look at his imp outfit) but the basic chef outfit is very solid for him! If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! 7/10

Orion

I know the outfit is very clashing and has a bunch of colors, but in Dan’s defense: Orion’s makeup already has a bunch of colors, and when you look into it the colors the outfit has actually matches with the makeup a bit! and also, I kinda wish Dan didn’t have the makeup be as out there for the sake of those drawing fanart, but at the same time this is Daniel Failboat. Insane designs are expected. That being said though, I can’t change the clothes or makeup even if you forced me to. the context for it is just so freakin cute!! we all love great fathers in this household. He makes me wish I had a meaningful relationship with my dad. 6/10

Friend

I like it! I have a few minor gripes though. This may be a bit of a hot take, but I don’t like Zone (the hat) or Ship (the staff). Not in the Finale at least. I think Friend should’ve removed them both to show that they’ve moved on and don’t need something like Lee anymore. Symbolism and character arcs and all that other fancy stuff idk. Also I like that she looks more like a priest than a Cleric, it makes sense! He’s really religious in-universe and their war cry is literally “die, sinner :)”, so I don’t have any problems with that! As much as I like her in purple, he looks oddly good in a black and white outfit too! 8/10

Shrimp

listen guys I’m sorry but her outfit kinda sucks.. the bright pink hearts don’t really give off the same vibes as her first outfit did.. I get where Dan was coming from with it but I just personally don’t like the design :((

I think that he should’ve went with the emo goth outfit for her instead, especially since it fit her more and the fandom latched onto it like a moth to a light, but that’s just me. it gets a free half point for matching up with Bill though, 3.5/10

Erica

look I love it but the actual armor part is so overdesigned. I hate drawing that thing. that’s my only problem though the rest of her outfit is cool as hell!! Let’s go lesbians. 8/10

(and this doesn’t really count for anything, but don’t like her weapon, again I get the idea Dan, but she realistically would NOT use the giant arm 😭)

Chi

This kind of outfit fits her so well omfg. The stupid bowtie? The short sleeves and general lack of lab safety?? The triangle patterns??? It all just screams “Chi” to me! Thank you Miitopia for creating this outfit. Flawless. 10/10

(also another weapon mention, her using the ketchup bottle in the finale?? as someone who is obsessed with S1 of this series, Daniel, ty sm for including that.)

C!Failboat

the catsuit is very boring, but it is also very iconic. I like it. I’d give it a solid 7/10. But I don’t wanna talk about that one. I wanna talk about his outfit when using the Power of the Scythe.

oh my lord. this outfit. this is not me dunking on Daniel or Wafferscotch at all, I genuinely love their art and content!! but like. you’re telling me this man saved the universe in tracksuit sweatpants and an open button up shirt WITH HIS OWN MERCH ON??? He killed god in the Bee Movie shoes?? The Piss Adidas??? It just. doesn’t really fit the Miitopia vibes to me, and I think this could’ve been better as an outfit for ACNH. It could’ve looked much worse, but still. I think it’s a 3/10

Bo

perfect. love the callback to Rose (and I mean, they’re very similar characters, so it makes sense!) She also looks cool af in a suit. her new look can be strange at first but you 100% get used to it with time. And her multiclass was just chefs kiss. Absolute goddess, let’s go lesbians. 10/10

Chat

very good. very iconic. so glad this series came out before the Kirby Era cuz i think the lips would’ve ruined it. 10/10

Big Bill

It looks really comfortable!! I want this robe irl, I like the patterns! I surprisingly really like the pink for Bill! It stands out compared the rest of his appearance and I think that’s really cool!! the dark blue also fits him really well!! Half point bonus for matching with Shrimp. 9.5/10

Void

GOD TIER!! PEAK DESIGN!!! We all love Void in this household. 20/10

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

My Faves As Preacher’s Daughter

Family Tree (Intro) - Helaena Targaryen

Jesus can always reject his father/But he cannot escape his mother’s blood/He’ll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers/But he’ll never escape what he’s made up of/The fates already fucked me sideways/Swinging by my neck from the family tree

American Teenager - Luna Lovegood

Grew up under yellow light on the street/Putting too much faith in the make believe/And another high school football team/[…]/And I feel it there/In the middle of the night/When the lights go out/And I’m all alone out here/Say what you want/But say it like you mean it with your fists for once/A long Cold War with your kids at the front/Just give it one more day then you’re done, done/I do what I want/[…]/I’m doing what I want and damn I’m doing it well/For me

A House In Nebraska - Shosanna Dreyfus

You and me against the world/You were my man and I your girl/We had nothing except each other/You were my whole world/[…]/And I still call home/That house in Nebraska/[…]/And you might never come back home/And I might never sleep at night/But God I just hope that you’re out there somewhere/I just pray that you’re all right/And I feel so alone/And I feel so alone out here

Western Nights - Evelyn Evernever

I’d hold the gun/If you asked me to/But if you love me like you say you do/Would you ask me to?/[…]/Trouble’s always gonna find you baby/But so will I/[…]/I’m never gonna leave you baby/Even if you lose what’s left of your mind/Cause you know I’ll be right there beside you/Riding through all these Western nights

Family Tree - Peter Gordon

These crosses all over my body/Remind me of who I used to be/Give myself up to him in offering/[…]/I’m just a child but I’m not above violence/My mama raised me better than that/[…]/So take me down to the river/And bathe me clean/[…]/I’ve killed before, and I’ll kill again/Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand/[…]/And Christ, forgive these bones I’ve been hiding/Oh, and the bones I’m about to leave

Hard Times - Laura Palmer

Tell me a story about how it ends/Where you’re still the good guy, I’ll make pretend/Cause I hate this story/Where happiness ends and dies with you/I thought good guys get to be happy/I’m not happy/I am poison in the water and unhappy/Little girl who needs her daddy real bad

Thoroughfare - Mantis

I met you there in Texas somewhere on the thoroughfare/On the side of the road in some torn up clothes with a pistol in my pocket/I didn’t trust no one, but you said “baby don’t run, I’ll take you anywhere”/So I hopped right in, outta luck to spend, and at least your truck beats walking/And you said “hey, do you wanna see the west with me?”/[…]/But in these motel rooms I started to see you differently/Cause for the first time since I was a child/I could see a man who wasn’t angry

Gibson Girl - Georgina Sparks

He’s cold blooded so it takes more time to bleed/Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs/[…]/“Baby if it feels good/Then it can’t be bad”/And if you want it good/Downright iconic

Ptolemaea - Max Mayfield

I followed you in and I was with you there/I invited you in twice, I did/[…]/Suffer does the wolf, crawling to thee/Promising a big fire, any fire/Saying I’m the one, he’s gonna take me/I’m on fire, I’m on fire, I’m on fire/Suffering is nigh, drawing to me/Calling me the one, I’m the white light/Beautiful, finite/Even the iron still fear the rot/Hiding from something I cannot stop/Walking on shadows I can’t lead him back/Buckled on the floor when night comes along/Daddy’s left and Momma won’t come home/You poor thing/Sweet mouring lamb/There’s nothing you can do/It’s already been done/What fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me/Please don’t look at me/[…]/Stop, stop, stop, make it stop/[…]/Blessed be the children/Each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence

August Underground - India Stoker

Televangelism - Beth March

Sun Bleached Flies - Laura Lee

What I wouldn’t give to be in church this Sunday/Listening to the choir so heartfelt all singing/“God loves you, but not enough to save you”/So baby girl good luck taking care of yourself/[…]/And I just prayed/And I keep praying, and praying and praying/If it’s meant to be, then it will be

Strangers - Cassie Ainsworth

Thinking back to what I was always told/“Don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love”/[…]/I tried to be good/Am I no good? Am I no good? Am I no good?/With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence/I just wanted to be yours/Can I be yours? Can I be yours? Just tell me I’m yours/[…]/Don’t think about it too hard or you’ll never sleep a wink at night again/Don’t worry bout me and these green eyes

[loungemermaid]

No.1 Everlark Shipper

for @jhsgf82, based off this post by @goldrushenthusiast and some of the tags/replies I left on there. crossposted to my ao3!!

We’re standing in the disgustingly hot July heat, the sun beating down on us, already burning the tops of our noses. Really, for the sake of all us Townies, the town square should be covered. I’m pale enough, but some of these kids, like little Lottie Sayers over there, are too white to be outside now. She looks like she’s going to burst into flames at any second. I look around at the sea of sweaty necks and brows, looking for a dark braid instead a blonde one. Not for me. For my idiot brother. Everdeen has her hair up in a crown of braids today, and she’s in a pretty little dress, shows off her little waist. The hair and dress make her look sweet, maybe flirty, but she’s (as always) scowling. Can’t imagine why Peeta likes her. She looks fuckin’ mean. Stuck up. Also, the fact she can kill things and drag ‘em through town? Something tells me you’d have to make sure you toed the line with her, or else. Kinda like how Mama is to him. Well maybe that’s it then.

I have heard about Everdeen for comin’ on Eleven Goddamn Years now. I know everything there is to know about this chick that can be known without actually saying a word to her, because he’s never said a word to her. I’ve seen the sketches, the letters, the truly awful attempts at poetry, the (admittedly, pretty good) pencil drawings that took weeks for him to finish scattered across our room for Eleven Years. I’ve heard the soliloquies(see, Mrs. Marks? I’m payin’ attention) practiced in the mirror, the grand planned gestures, the paper flowers and ribbons gathered and then abandoned after Sweetheart’s Day, every instance of young tender love and I could not be more sick of it. It ain’t-isn’t. Isn’t real. Not a lick of it. If it was, he’d talk to her. If she’s too scary, which again, she sure as shit looks that scary, maybe move on? Maybe pick someone different? Hell, it can even be another Seam girl, if that’s what he’s into. Leevy’s got that same little tits and long legs thing. And she actually smiles. But whatever. One day something will break it, and then I won’t have to fuckin’ hear it ever again. 

That weird Trinket woman is just about to pick the girl’s name, and I’m still wondering what it takes to get someone’s hair that big, that pink, that shiny when she reads out the slip. Primrose Everdeen. Well. Shit. I don’t know what this is gonna mean, when her little sister dies. When her dad died, Peeta talked for months about how we needed to help her. I kept telling him it wasn’t the time or place, that the last thing she needed was some over-enthusiastic Townie meddling in her shit. She already had it rough enough. We could tell she was taking care of everyone now. That her mama wasn’t doin shit, and she was the breadwinner now. I remember thinking it was weird, and how I couldn’t imagine it, then I thought about how that’s just what older siblings do. That that’s what Rye does for Peeta and me. A buffer for when Mama’s on the war path. Even when she ain’t-isn’t. Isn’t coming after me, he protects me all the same. She usually doesn’t come after me, and that somehow feels worse. I owe ‘em both a lot of beatings. Rye used to take the blame sometimes, but we all kinda quickly realized I could get away with significantly more than he could, and especially more than Peeta could, poor fucking kid. Never understood why she hates him so much.

There’s some screaming and shuffling, and I look over and there she is, her face showing real emotion for once, screaming that she’s volunteering. I can’t imagine that. How would you ever do that? And then it sinks in. Shit. Everdeen is gonna die. I look over at Peeta, who looks like he’s gonna spew. Shit. What am I even gonna say to him, when this is over? While we walk home?  Happy fucking birthday! That girl you’ve been obsessed with your whole life is gonna get gutted by some teen-freak Career. It’s too awful. I just sigh and brace for the boy’s name. Almost over. One more year of it for me, two for him. 

And then that pink and green bitch calls his name. I’m shocked. I can’t move, or see, or hear anything, and then it’s too late. He’s up on the stage and it’s too late. I can’t volunteer, can’t save him, can’t fix it. Once again he’s getting more punishment than his fair share. This kid that cries when he sees a hurt wild dog. That cried when he learned we ate our baby pigs. That’s been in love with the same girl for eleven years. The girl that’s going in with him. Shit!!! She’s going in with him!! They’re gonna die in there together. Well, I think darkly, they’re gonna have to talk now. 

I go and look for Rye, and we both just stare at each other. He’s not saying it, but he’s thinking it. “Yeah, I know. I should’ve. I… I couldn’t make the words come.” I hate myself.

I’m expecting him to scold me, to yell. Being the parent’s favorite makes me the least favorite brother. They neither one like me much. Well, that ain’t-isn’t true. They like me just fine. They’re just very jealous. I would be too, if I was-were gettin’ beat for minor shit that don’t even matter, and someone else wasn’t. I don’t expect him to hug me. He does, pulling me in close, even kissing my forehead like he did when I was little. I don’t even wipe it off this time.

“Hush. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do anything right neither.”

He smiles a little. “Either, you mean. But it doesn’t matter. It’s going to be okay. Besides, I think she’d kill him, if you went in instead. It wouldn’t be a good sacrifice. She’d hate him even more, especially if you didn’t come back.” He shook his head. “God help me for what I’m gonna say, but it’s better this way. If he comes back, JoAnn won’t think he’s worthless anymore. If he doesn’t”, his breath shudders, “if he doesn’t, well. Then she never touches him again.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. The one thing she only did to him. Rye got beat, sure. But he didn’t get touched like she touches Peeta. It… it’s not that she straight up sleeps with him. But it’s…uncomfortable, to even watch. Humiliating. Can’t imagine what it feels like. “Right. Well, ready to say” Oh I can’t say goodbye. I blink some rogue tears. “To send him off?”

“Yeah.” He says gruffly. “Yeah.” I can tell he’s thinking what I am. This is gonna be a shitshow.

It’s worse than I thought it’d be. We’re all standing there and not saying anything. Rye at least held him while he cried. JoAnn is world class, says something truly evil. Says she’s rooting for Everdeen, and if there was any fondness I ever had for that woman, it’s done. She runs out, even though all the rest of us are begging her to not. I scoff, but Peeta is laughing, no, cackling. Like nothing has ever been so goddamn funny. 

“Love you too, Mama! Hope I get to see you again!” He yells out, voice hard and bitter. “God. What the fuck?” He scrubs at his face, leans back, screaming and laughing and sobbing into his hands. 

Rye runs after our useless fucking parents, trying to talk sense into them. It’s pointless. Anyway, we’re almost out of time. Almost out of time. I can’t fuck it up again. 

“I know it ain’t great timing to be asking you a favor, but do one for me anyway?”

“God, Soren. What?” He sighs, clearly not in the mood for whatever he thinks I might say. I sit down on the saggy sofa, clapping his shoulder.

“I need you to tell her. Please. She deserves to know.”

He huffs, rolls his eyes. “It’s all a bit pointless, ain’t it? Nothing either one of us could ever do now.”

“Yeah, but I know you. You’d never be able to live with yourself if you never told her. So you’ve gotta. Find some way. Do one of those grand gestures you’re always planning. Or, fuck, I dunno, do it private. Over coffee or whatever. But tell her, little bun.” I’ve never called him that. Not sincerely, anyway. That’s what Dad and Rye(mostly Rye these days) call him. But, it felt right. “I’m really sorry I didn’t”

“Don’t be.” He cuts me off. “I get it. Don’t be sorry. In fact, promise me. You don’t get to feel guilty about it.”

I swallow hard again. The Peacekeepers are coming to take me away. I clap him on the shoulder one more time. “Alright. I love you. Uh, good luck and all that. And happy birthday”

It gets him to laugh, even if it’s just a dark laugh. “Thanks. Uh…see…mm. See you later.”

“Yeah. See you later.” I don’t know if I believe he will, but I know he can win this. I hope he does.

I try to keep my promise, of not feeling guilty, for not stepping up and going in for him. It’s not easy. Suddenly our room feels too big, too empty.  Rye and I haven’t moved a damn thing. There’s still a half finished drawing on the desk, a pair of silver eyes. I wanna puke everytime I see them. I do my homework downstairs in the bakery now. 

We’re closed on the day of the interviews. We close a little more now, though not as much as I thought we would. Dad hides, crying in long showers or disappearing on errands, and JoAnn, Rye and I are stuck in the bakery together, avoiding curses and rolling pins being hurled at us. Now that Peeta isn’t here, I’m getting on her nerves more. I’m sporting black eyes now too, though I don’t let them show. I can’t cover them like Peeta does, and I’m a little paler than him anyway, but the little tube of concealer he left behind does fine enough. 

We all sit on the couch, pretend to be a family over some tea and cookies. We’re eating more fresh, a result of the sympathy money. People have been spending a lot on baked goods here lately. The mayer orders a cake a week. Madge must know we’re feeding Prim and Mrs. Everdeen(Mama does too, and she hates it. Dad catches an ashtray to the nose for it). She likes Katniss too. 

Anyway, my baby brother is talking to Ceasar Flickerman, and they’re playing off each other like they’ve been co-hosts for decades. He’s charming. Affable. He could make this a career if…when he wins. And then Ceaser asks about a girl, his whole body shifts. He gets a little nervous, a little small, tries to shift the conversation but Ceaser ain’t having it. He pushes Peeta again. Say it say it say it, you little dork, or I swear to god. I’m staring at his face in the tv. Maybe if I think it hard enough he can somehow get it. You promised.

He clears his throat. “Well, there is this one girl…”

I sink back into the couch with a sigh of relief. There you go, bro. Took you long enough.

She even goes for it. When they change the rules(which I still can’t get over, but maybe young love is more exciting than child murder for those people.((if that’s the case, can we make it a matchmaking game? I’ll volunteer. I’ll host.)) I just don’t know if I trust it) and she’s up in that tree, screaming his name, I know it’s over. She likes him too. She tears through the Arena just to find him, looking very camouflaged and very dead by the river. He flirts, and she giggles and blushes. What? Maybe she’s just soft for him. Good. It’s what he deserves. Hard for everyone else but soft for him.

For a few days I’m worried I’m gonna have to watch my baby brother lose his virginity on national television, but as cuddly and kissy as Katniss is, she’s clearly not very experienced. She won’t change around him, she blushes every time they kiss. She’s actually sweet. A giggly, nervous, even precious little thing. She looks even tinier next to Peeta, so short and thin and fine boned. They fit each other. They’re striking together.

It’s all anyone can talk about, but for the first time I don’t mind hearing about it all. I join in at school, spilling all the secrets I know. It’s a little shitty, but I can’t help it. It’s so…excuse the dopey ass phrasing, but as one teacher said, life affirming to see. My homelife is worse, but if they really can win and win together, it’ll be like a real life miracle. Hard proof that not everything always has to completely fucking suck, all the time. That sometimes, good things happen to people. Sometimes good things happen to the people who deserve it the most. 

The berries give me a heart attack. I’m on the edge of my seat and I don’t think I breathe the whole time. I don’t know what to expect. Are they gonna let them live? Are they gonna blow them up? Send in mutts again? Let them live and torture them on the air? I almost shut my eyes, bracing for the canons, but instead Templesmith is shouting, telling them to stop, that they both won, and he did it. He actually did it. I’m jumping and screaming and laughing and we’re all hugging even, because he fucking did it. He won, and he got the girl of his dreams. This one time, it actually works out for him. This time, Peeta gets what he wants.

[ninetiescoppola]

LIVING, LEARNING, YELLING

Last week I was taking a look at my family album and I saw something peculiar: thousands of pictures of me smiling. I can’t remember when was the last time that I had a good time and felt relieved of stress, pain and anxiety. I felt that eventually everything that was so colorful and joyful turned gray and meaningless. I wondered if a girl’s life is a spectrum: childhood, pre-rebellious-teen, teenager (a.k.a. living hell with trauma development) and angry adult with mental issues and addicted to substances. This week I was watching Twin Peaks and I started to think if Laura Palmer’s iconic scream is our inner will. Are all girls the same but with different addresses?

Women invented arts to channel their rage. Writing, painting, drawing, creating and making are a very subtle way to tell people to get the fuck away before you stab them in the neck. I keep trying to find out where all this anger came from, maybe it was the society, relatives with the most cruel and intentional body shaming comments or even our judging parents made us feel like that. The pressure of being perfect in everything and having no failures or flaws, the big effort that we have to make to feel loved and accepted and last but not least, the beauty standards. 

In my last job I experienced everything at once. I was working as assistant’s manager in a coffee house downtown, the position of manager was open and I was the best option. In summary, I wasn’t picked and my boss chose his friend who was from another city miles away from where I live. According to him, I was a “too hard to handle kind of person”, bullshit. I admit that I’m no cookie, but better being harsh than a suck up. When I got home, I screamed against a pillow till I got voiceless and scratched all my face. I felt used by him. So, after almost two and a half years being his puppet and with a very heavy heart, I quit. My world was falling apart, still is, all the employees and customers were like a huge family to me. We had this special bond that I can’t explain. Now I live like Nosferatu, hiding in the shadows and only leaving my cute and pretty girly girl castle (my room) when it’s something extremely mandatory. The truth is that I’m done being the Martyr, but I feel that If I couldn’t even be able to do that job that I thought I was perfect at, could I be good at doing anything else? Does his opinion affect me that much?

Last year, before I quit, I was so messed up that I started to drink heavily and mix pills and alcohol like it was candy and kool-aid. Everyday after work I went to a different bar or finished a bottle of wine and vodka at my ex’s house. One day I took a look in the mirror and saw how that affected me and my body, so I decided that I should change my life, lose weight and take care of myself. It went all wrong. I became obsessed with my body and stopped eating, spent all my money on clothes and makeup, started to blow off my therapist and quit my meds. Later that month I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After that my weekly schedule was reduced to: drugstore, therapist’s office and the gas station to buy my cigarettes. 

Being away from all of this made me a little better, not completely, but feels ok. I’m trying to understand that if something bothers me, I should go and not look back. This can be applied for jobs, relationships and people who are not worth your inner peace. 

Today, comparing to not-so-old days, I became a fucking (medicated, not so angry and oversharing) badass, of course that I’m still sad and have panic and anxiety attacks, but at least I’m cool.