#if you are mean about debut tv i will beat you up i am being deadass

[mmemirrorball]

[darrys-laundry]

i’ve seen some people expressing their gratitude to ms. towel and what the outsiders means to them, and i’d like to join:

i, like many of us, read the outsiders in eighth grade. it was one of the first essays of mine that i specifically remember a teacher asking to keep as an example.

(this teacher would go on to ask to keep many of my essays, and she’s perhaps the biggest reason i am where i am today, even despite the fact that she continues humbly deny this.)

anyways, i’m 23 now, about to be 24, but i was 13-14 then; and i still have the grading paper from our greaser vs soc debate.

(i was a greaser btw, and we beat those damn socs, lol.)

anyways, when i got to high school, i tried to take a script writing workshop. i was the only minor, and i started to have horrible, horrible panic attacks. ultimately, i ended up dropping out, but i had emailed the script bible to that english teacher, and she’d encouraged me to keep going. to keep writing.

flash forward, i’ve now graduated with a degree in tv writing and producing because my eighth grade believed in me. (never underestimate the power of teachers.)

now— this is the part where i admit: i was throwing-in-the-towel’s chicago tour anon 🫶

the outsiders was supposed to debut in chicago my freshman year of college, and even hearing the words ‘the outsiders’ as i was about to embark on my college career reignited something in me. it reminded me who put me here. and even the prospect of getting to see the book reimagined as a musical, reinforced my love of theatre.

(obviously, the pandemic got in the way, and while i like to joke that it’s my villain origin story, i don’t think we’d have what we have today if it hadn’t.)

when i finally did get back into the outsiders following this year’s tony awards, i really did try to resist the hyperfixation.

(and well, we all know how well that worked for user darrys-laundry)

i’ve been in fandom my whole life, and the idea of starting over in a new fandom scares the shit out of me, every single time, but my therapist literally tasked me to interact with content, and to at least give it a try.

so, i followed ms. towel. and that felt like a manageable amount of engagement for the time being.

and then i got brave enough to send some anon messages, and i made some art on my own blog, and eventually i became the chicago tour anon 🫶

i asked ms towel just about every question ever when i was trying to plan my own trip to see the show. (see: deeply anxious person.) and she answered every single one. i’ve always really appreciated that.

and i always thanked her for her kindness and generosity with the fandom; for reinforcing boundaries between us and the actors at the stage door, and for fostering a community here.

i’ve been trying to be really intentional with my gratitude lately. we need to let people know that what they’re doing means something to us, and i told ms towel as much.

anyways, i’m rambling as always, this book, this show means the world to me. and this fandom means something to me now too, for as much as i’d resisted, because of ms towel’s generosity, and the space that she’d created.

so, thank you ms. towel.

i’m going to keep creating for this thing that i love, and engaging with fandom now that i’m brave enough 🥲.

i’ll try to bring you tour content when it becomes available. 🫶

[morrisharding]

" I don't see why I need a stylist, When I shop so much I can speak Italian" KaneYeWest's Graduation is a classic and timeless album that puts the whole world in a trance. This is definitely at the top of my list for favourite Kanye albums and possibly number 1. It is just such a fun, creative and exciting album for many reasons. Graduation is Kanye's third studio album released on September 11th of 2007. When it was released it gained 957,00 first-week sales and debuted at number one on the US Billboard 200 which resulted in his highest-grossing album at the time. It ended up winning 4 Grammys in 2008 which were Best Rap Album (Graduation), Best Rap Song (Cant Tell Me Nothing), Best Rap Performance by a duo or Group (Good Life) and Best Rap Solo Performance (Stronger).

When I was in grade school Songs like Stronger, Good Life, Champion, Can't Tell Me nothing, Flashing Lights ect were being played everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean the mall, radio stations, grocery stores, TV shows, movies and so many more public places. The song that appealed the most to me was Stronger as it was just such a powerful song. " Now that-that-that-that that don't kill me can only make me stronger" was the one line I can remember always being sung and it Would make me feel focused and determined whenever I was playing a sport or working out. The drums and synthesizers are what really had me going as they were boomy and very upbeat. Also, the lyrics were all motivational and would put me in a GO mode mindset. My dad used to play this song all the time when he was at the gym so it got stuck in my head and I started loving that song. From then on I would hear Kanye's name from time to time as he was always being talked about. He was one of the biggest artists at the time and family and friends loved listening to his music.

Something about The cover art for this album is what makes me enjoy it even more. It looks like he used every colour in a rainbow to make the cover art as it is just so vibrant and beautiful. There aren't many albums these days where artists put a lot of effort into the cover art as the music industry is just seeming to get lazy as the years go by. The bear that is flying on the cover is supposed to be a representation of Kanye as he is graduating from school and leading towards a new life and a new chapter of music since this was the third and final album of the higher education trilogy. Graduation is definitely at the top of my list of favourite album covers and I have been trying to find a Graduation poster for so long to put up in my room but it seems like they are so rare to find.

Looking back at this album 16 years later I can honestly say I have never seen an album more fun and kid-friendly but so well made lyrically and productively that any audience would have been astonished by how remarkable it was. I am still amazed to this day at how he created such an album only a couple of years into his career. It's an album that I have so much appreciation for as it really changed the music culture. Rap culture before the release of Graduation was very much still old-school rap as rappers like Jay Z, Eminem, Outkast, Nas and more were still releasing music but nothing more than just the regular old-school rap lyrics and beats. Graduation brought a mix of both Hip-Hop and Rap into one album and was blended with exquisite taste. Instead of Kanye's previous soul-based sound he progressed to more anthemic compositions and found a way to conjoint them together without failing to please his audience. As one I can say I was certainly not displeased with this album as it stuck to me as soon as I heard just a few songs off of it.

I could go on and talk about this album for hours on how good it is so I hope to those who read this blog that you go to spotify right now and put on some Kanye West and I promise you that you will be amazed by this man's creativity.

[omegawhiskers]

Dynamite 8/11/23

The Devil Attacks

Dynamite opens with Adam Cole telling MJF that Samoa Joe is the partner he needs at Full Gear. But that means Joe gets a shot at the AEW World title, so this is clearly not a good option. Daniel Garcia interrupts and MJF asks are we getting the sports entertainer or wrestler tonight? Garcia says we will get the wrestler. Roderick Strong gets wheeled into the segment and Cole shuts down the call. Roddy looks at the camera and says “It’s time to remind everyone exactly who the hell I am!”

Garcia and MJF had a good showing, and the idea here was for MJF to persuade Garcia to be his own man. The problem with this story is, 2.0 holding Garcia back has been limbo for months. When Garcia does break from 2.0, it was won't get quite the pop.

Darby Allin/Sting vs. The Outrunners was short but effective. Sting got the victory with the scorpion deathlock, establishing, despite his retirement, he can still pick up the win.

Hikaru Shida and Toni Storm have a sit-down interview. This was a fun segment with Storm, but I’m not sure if she is meant to be a heel or babyface.

It’s quite disgusting how talented Swerve Strickland and Penta El Zero Miedo are in the ring. They delivered a PPV quality match. To make this segment even better, Adam Page turned up with a steel chair. He cracked it over the body of Swerve a few times before giving him the deadeye off the stage through some tables. Page kept yelling ‘’You’re a dead man’’. This is the side of Page we needed to see.

The Young Bucks are still not happy about The Golden Jets as a tag team. Matt and Nick issue a challenge at Full Gear. Kenny Omega finally intervenes and accepts the challenge, although he doesn’t want to wrestle them, but feels the Bucks are being a bunch of ‘’Sissy, whiny, bitchy children.’’ There's stipulation with this match also. The Young Bucks number one contender’s match for the AEW Tag Team Titles are on the line, but to up the ante, if Jericho/Omega lose, then The Golden Jets are no more. This is a much better scene for The Young Bucks as I felt like the ROH trios belts really derailed them.

The ROH TV title was on the line as Samoa Joe defended his title against Keith Lee. Lot’s of meat chants throughout this match as punches, chops rained down. Joe won via rear naked choke. In a shocking post-match moment, Joe vacated the ROH TV Championship. He’s reasoning is that he is now focused 100% on the AEW World Championship. I’m not sure if you can legally vacant a belt, but I think moving the ROH titles off of AEW is a good move.

Red Velvet returned to action after being out with an injury for 9 months. Velvet was super impressive in this match against Julia Hart. These two women put on a good match. Velvet needs to be featured more if these are the kind of matches she can work. Hart starts the post match beat down, but Skye Blue comes to the ring to have a stare down with Julia. Willow Nightingale and Kris Statlander come to aid Velvet and Blue. There is still friction between Blue and Kris. Like the Garcia story, this one is lingering for too long. Just have these two fight already because it will get to the point of no one caring.

Mariah May made her AEW debut. She was interview by RJ City where she marks out Toni Storm. I don’t know anything about May, but it’s good to see the woman’s division growing.

Our main event was Jay White vs. Mark Briscoe. The Full Gear title shot was on the line, so there was not way Briscoe was winning. This was a decent match, but what transpired afterwards was the main angle.

MJF made his way from behind and attacked Bullet Club Gold. Max was unsuccessful at getting his belt back again. The lights went out as cameras backstage showed masked men attacking The Acclaimed. Antony Bowens was sent through a glass window. The Man in the Devil Mask appeared on screen. MJF rushed to the back to where The Acclaimed lay half dead. MJF didn't ask were they OK or called for some medical assistance. At the start of the show Roderick Strong did say he was going to remind everyone who he is, but that could be a red herring. I'm still leaning on Jack Perry.

I'm glad to see the person behind the devil mask finally did something that really affected MJF. And this needs to continue until Full Gear. The matches were also a step up from last week. Overall a much better episode compared to last week.

[sope-and-shine]

Nap Of A Star

-> Pairing: Jeongguk(non-romantic)

-> SFW // Bittersweet // Self-Care

-> Word Count: 22.2K

-> Summary: Being a celebrity since a young age has ruined Jeongguk. He hasn’t been able to experience childhood life as he should have and that has taken a toll on his social life and his mental health. He’s become a shell of a human going through the motions, and it’s becoming a problem. When met with an unexpected visitor, Jeongguk is faced with a responsibility to do better for them both. But can he turn himself around when he’s already so far gone? 

-> Warning(s): Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, mild language, A child, tantrums, Jeongguk is mean and irrational at some points, Jin being the voice of reason, happy ending

a/n: I've had this fic in the back of my mind for over a year now and I am so happy to share it with everyone!! This is a concept that I really haven't seen anyone play with , so I really hope everyone likes it 🥺

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When you’re young, you have the entire world in front of you. As a kid, you imagine all the different ways your life will play out. There’s no end to the possibilities that await you in your future! An astronaut, a firefighter, a veterinarian, a teacher, and so many more to choose from. 

Jeongguk always thought he’d be a police officer. The uniforms always looked so cool to him, and he’d always seen them helping others. As a kid, he’d always look for different ways he could help others, his own way to be a police officer even if he was too young to be on the force. But as he grew older, he started to see more of an appeal for another job.

Acting.

His Mom was a drama extraordinaire while he was growing up, watching several different dramas at a time and being fully invested into each one. Every day after Jeongguk would come home from elementary school, she’d turn on the TV to her favorite crime drama: Detective Smooth. The story of Sherlock Holmes type casanova solving crimes across South Korea while he simultaneously tries to solve the murder of his fiance. The whole show was very lengthy and lasted quite a few seasons, and the storyline of the do-good detective made Jeongguk’s little crime fighting heart change its beat. And at the age of 8, Jeongguk finally got his chance to be an actor. 

His mother had taken notice of Jeongguk’s interest very quickly, and did all that she could to encourage him. She’d find clips of shows online and help him study the lines, and she even went as far as to enroll him in classes to improve his abilities. When the special school got an offer for auditions for a TV show, she didn’t hesitate to sign her approval. And two weeks later, Jeongguk was on the set of Detective Smooth working with the very man who inspired him to act.

“Toy Crimes”; Jeongguk’s very first episode - his TV debut. He played a young boy from a poor family, taking care of his family by robbing convenience stores with a toy gun he painted black. His character was  just a scared child, but the real Jeongguk was anything but scared to be on TV. The camera screen was where he belonged, and he made it known to everyone on set.

The other actors praised him for being so professional on his first shoot, and the director made plans with his mother to spread word about how great it is to work with her son. More offers for other roles were sent to their home, his mother received calls about modeling gigs and variety shows, and many offers for a manager were offered to him. That one episode - his first shot - shaped the beginning of Jeongguk’s career.

And it’s something the man has come to regret.

The first few years of being a childhood actor and model were amazing! They were fun, fast-paced, blissful, they gave Jeongguk everything he could ever want. Money to buy food, video games, merchandise, vacations, it was all available to him thanks to his career. As a pre-teen, he thought life couldn’t get any better. And in a way he was totally right, because his life didn’t get any better after that.

It didn’t take the poor kid too long to realize that money and fame could be a one way street, especially when it came to friends. He didn’t notice it as much when he first started out, if his friends were hungry then he’d offer to buy them food. Friends take care of each other, and he knew if it were the other way around then his friends would do the same. But food soon became toys and games and movies, and it started to feel like the only way his friends wanted to hang out with him was if he was paying for them to have fun. Eventually, Jeongguk just stopped going out with them. 

Then there were the variety shows. Places where he’d be left on stage by himself to talk to adults. He’d seen plenty of idols do it, and he always felt confident when he was in front of the cameras. But as he transitioned from child to teenager, he began to feel singled out. He felt that the MC’s would always do what they could to humiliate him. And there were some shows that would cut his footage to paint him in a bad light for some extra publicity. He was thankful when Jin finally told him he didn’t have to go on another one.

But the worst of his problems had to be going out. 

Every turn the poor kid would make there’d be someone waiting with a camera to make a quick buck. People on the street didn’t waste any time to stop him and say hi. It felt so amazing at first to be recognized as that kid from TV or from the magazine, but then it became far too overwhelming. People would crowd him, follow him home, follow him to his shoots, try to barge into his hotel rooms. Whatever someone could do to get close to him, they tried with everything they had. It was so bad that Jeongguk did the only thing left that he could possibly do.

He stopped going out.

He stopped making friends.

He stopped helping people.

This became a pretty big upset within the small friend group he did manage to salvage.

Just as early as he’d figured out how terrible having friends could be, Jeongguk managed to pick up a few decent ones. Not of his own volition of course, they all just happened to be constants in his life.

Jin - his manager - has been with the kid since he was 15, taking over the job for Jeongguk’s Mom to ease her own workload. He was much more skilled when it came to snagging deals and keeping Jeongguk’s face out of the news for any ridiculous reason. His Mom even insisted that they pay him more when Seokjin first chewed out an MC for getting too physical with him. Jin was there when Jeongguk first dropped his friends, and he was the first to notice when he began to distance himself from work once he left the building. 

Alongside Jin, Namjoon and Jimin didn’t take too long to figure out Jeongguk’s change. His motivation to continue his tutoring and training sessions took a downward spiral very fast, and both the teacher and the personal trainer noticed his lack of effort when they worked one on one together. They voiced their opinions to Jin about it, and they both at least attempted to talk to the actor about it in hopes of getting him to open up. But no one could get the kid to talk about his feelings.

Even Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung couldn’t get an answer from the poor kid. Hoseok and Yoongi had both tried to talk to Jeongguk in between takes and the occasional shoot they would do together. In the makeup chair, they’d always talk to their stylists and try to pull him into the conversation, but he was just becoming more and more of a shell of his former self.

No matter what anyone tried, Jeongguk had just seemed to have given up. He walks around with a total disregard for everything - especially himself - but when asked, he just brushes everyone off. He’s made it clear with his silence and the way he pushes people away from him that he doesn’t want their help. It’s hard for them, but it’s even harder for him when deep down he knows he just wants a shoulder to lean on.

Everyday is the same: wake up, eat, go to work, make pointless conversation, attend lessons, go to training, eat, shower, get ready for bed. Nothing changes; nothing new happens. It’s all just another day in Jeongguk’s increasingly boring life. The only reason he hasn’t given up his career is because he’s so late in the game. With no other knowledge of what he can do with life and motivation at a tragically all time low, he can’t afford to change now.

Everyday his career is a constant reminder of how much he missed out on, and everyday he comes home and attempts to drink the pain away. For just a few hours, he can escape in the buzz. He can forget about everyone he’s let go and the sacrifices he’s made and forget the tears he sheds until the next morning when he has to wash them away.

He sits on his balcony, his back against the glass door and his head turned up to look at the city lights out in front of him. His eyes glisten in their glow, and he holds back the tears with another swig from his bottle. The night breeze sends a chill up his spine, and for once it’s something to feel. 

He used to lose sleep over how excited he was to go to work, and now he can’t sleep because he dreads the thought of stepping foot onto a set. He used to greet everyone on set with a smile, and now he almost always refuses to leave his trailer. He used to see talk show hosts and newscasters, and now he sees his therapist 2 times a month to make Jin happy. 

He used to be happy…

“What am I doing…?” He mutters to himself. His life used to be so much better. No one belittled him on the internet, no one stalked him back to his home, no one followed him across the globe just to touch him. He used to not have any care in the world, and now all he does is care. Everything about his current life just makes him want to scream and quit, but he’s too far gone to give it up. 

“I just-...” He chokes back a sob, “-why am I doing this anymore? I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate everything! Who would blame me for leaving?” But of course, he knows better than that. He scoffs, “Who am I kidding? Everyone would blame me.” 

He lifts his bottle in front of his face to watch the amber liquid swirl, but he catches his reflection. “Jesus, I’m such a mess...” A distorted version of him with messy hair and tear stains on his cheeks.

“I just wish I could do it over…” He wipes his face with his left sleeve, pressing the fabric over his eyes for just a moment before he throws his head back to look up at the stars. There’s a cluster above his apartment, one of those rare days when he can actually see past the light pollution. They burn bright, and it reminds him of Peter Pan and how the stars would take him to a land with no problems and he would never have to grow up. “If I could just tell myself that it’s not worth it, I would.”

“I just want one chance...”

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The pounding in Jeongguk’s head is very evident. His inability to open his eyes is a clear sign that he didn’t drink enough water and a sign to hold back on his alcohol intake the next time. Despite this, he’d need to get up and find some painkillers if he wanted the throbbing to go away. 

Wait…

Throbbing doesn’t feel like this. Most throbbing comes from the top of his head behind his eyes, but this feels like a constant tap to his cheek. No pain, just pressure. It takes everything the young actor has to open his eyes and let them adjust, but the child in front of him is the last thing Jeongguk expects to see. 

The blonde screams and jumps up from his bed, moving too far back from the small child and falling off the side of his bed and onto the floor. He lands on his shoulder and rolls over to his back, clutching his arm in pain with his eyes closed shut.

“Are you okay?” A small voice asks from above him.

Jeongguk squints through his pain to look up at his mini intruder, his brown eyes meeting those of the small child. His dark brown hair sits flat against his head for the most part - only a few pieces stick up out of place with his bangs coming down to the middle of his forehead. His small pout is very evident on the child’s chubby cheeks, and he’s almost drowning in the red hoodie that looks a size too big.

Jeongguk would find him absolutely adorable if he knew where he came from.

He sits up with a groan, massaging his sore shoulder before he looks back at the little boy sitting cross-legged on his bed, “How did you get in here?”

The little boy shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“Who let you in?”

“Nobody.”

“Well, you had to get in here somehow.” The little boy just shrugs again and points to the window, confusing Jeongguk - who lives on the 12th floor of his building. He moves forward and rests on his knees, resting his elbows on his bed to remain eye level with the small intruder, “What’s your name?”

“Jeongguk.”

This makes the young actor chuckle, “Well, hi Jeongguk. My name is Jeongguk too. Where are your parents? Is your Mom one of the cleaning ladies?”

The little boy squeals, “No, silly!” His giggles have him covering his mouth as if he’s trying to keep himself from spilling a secret. He’s so taken that he’s almost doubling over with laughter, and Jeongguk is left patiently waiting for an answer. Though he only gets the question, “Where is she?”

“I’m asking you.” The blonde reminds the little boy, slightly annoyed. He was never like this as a child.

The boy nods, “Yeah. You know where my Mom is.”

“You said she wasn’t a cleaning lady.”

The insinuation has the little boy falling into fits of giggles again, “She’s not a cleaning lady! She’s our Mom.”

“Our Mom?” Jeongguk questions in surprise, “There’s no way you’re my brother. Mom would’ve told me.”

“I’m not your brother.” The little boy laughs again - his giggling is almost infectious. He hops down from the bed and passes the blonde, walking right up to a blown up photo of Jeongguk’s first ever movie role. He copies the pose, inch by inch and smiles, “I’m you.”

Jeongguk looks between the child in his room and his poster on the wall. The only reason it’s still up is because his mother gifted that to him when he was 10, and now he’s hallucinating because of it. The similarities in the face are almost impossible, and - save for the height and the clothes - this little boy looks exactly like him when he was younger. It’s almost too much of a coincidence, but it’s not possible at all.

He gets up to find an older family photo, scouring his bookshelf for the photo album he’d slipped through the cracks.

“What are you looking for?” The boy asks, standing just beside him. 

“Ah!” His close proximity makes Jeongguk jump, “Don’t do that!”

He tilts his head in confusion, “Do what?”

“Just-Nevermind.” Jeongguk thinks better of reprimanding the child in favor of finishing what he was doing. He finds the small, blue photobook tucked between an old script and his comics. He pulls it out and immediately brings it over to his desk as he flips through pages. 

Little Jeongguk follows him, craning his neck and getting as high as his tippy-toes will allow him to go. He grabs onto Jeongguk’s sleeve for support, “What are you looking for?” 

“Nothing! Nothing…” Jeongguk assures him, scanning over photo after photo to find one from before his career ever started. He turns another page and stops, seeing his bright red sweatshirt behind the top right photo sleeve, “Here it is!”

He pulls it out of its sleeve and holds it up in front of his face to get a better look. Dark hair, brown eyes, chubby cheeks, red hoodie, jeans, sneakers…Everything looks exactly the same.

“Don’t you remember what we look like?” His younger self asks him in disbelief. He pulls lightly at the arm he’s holding onto, “I’m right here!”

Jeongguk places a hand over his little one and removes it from his arm, “You aren’t real…”

The dark haired boy looks down at himself before he looks back to his adult self, “Yes I am.”

“No. I am dreaming. You are a figment of my imagination.” The blonde concludes. The notion that this kid was his younger self was like a kdrama nightmare, and this was probably a side effect of the alcohol. 

Yes! 

The alcohol! This whole ordeal is just an alcohol induced nightmare, and he needs to wake himself up right now! He’ll just do what his therapist showed him.

“I’m going to count to 10 and by then you’ll be gone.” He turns back to his desk and covers his eyes, letting himself be surrounded by darkness. He calmly counts aloud to himself, taking deep breaths between each to calm his jittering nerves. He can feel himself relax with every number, and the weight of his problems falling off of his shoulders. “-9…10.” 

His room is quiet. He doesn’t hear a small child giggling or talking to him anymore. Maybe he should listen to his therapist more often. He moves his arm away and turns around to look for himself, and he’s met with the slightly disheveled mess of his bedroom. Only his bed is really messed up, but it was never really together in the first place.

What really matters is there’s no little him in sight, “It was all my imagination...”

“Boo!” From behind the far side of his bed, the little version of himself pops up with his arms thrown into the air and giggles once again tumbling out of him. 

Jeongguk jumps back in his chair, slamming into his desk and knocking over a figurine Hoseok had given him. He slams a hand against the desk and his foot into the ground to stop himself, “Holy shit you’re still here…!”

“Hey, you shouldn’t say that! Mom says that’s a grown up word!” His younger self scolds.

“Yeah? Well, I am a grown up!” He reminds him.

The look of anger turns into one of recognition as the young boy realizes that Jeongguk is an adult, “Oh yeah…”

“Okay. Okay, let’s think about this rationally.” He settles in his chair and rests his arms on his armrest, “There is no possible way that you’re me.”

“But I am.” The little boy reminds him.

“Okay, but you’re not.”

“I am.”

Jeongguk sighs, the urge to fight a child coursing through his body. He takes a deep breath and decides to settle the debacle the only way he knows how, “What’s our favorite color?” 

“Red.”

“Who’s your favorite teacher?”

“Mrs. Na!”

“What’s our favorite animal?”

“Well, bunnies are really cute-“

“Ha!” Jeongguk cheers, jumping from his seat and clapping his hands together in victory.

“-but I like dogs more.”

Jeongguk looks down to his younger self and the genuity in such a young child’s face. He falls back to his chair in defeat, “This cannot be happening…How is this even possible?”

Young Jeongguk tugs at his pant leg, “Can I have something to eat?” He asks, “I’m hungry.”

“Well-“ 

“-Oh!” His little eyes light up with excitement, “Do you have corn dogs?”

Jeongguk shakes his head, “No, I don’t.”

“Oh…” It’s not hard to tell that the child is disappointed, he wears his emotions right on his sleeve. But the disappointment of what they don’t have doesn’t last long, “What do you have?”

It’s a question that Jeongguk himself doesn’t know the answer to. Of course, he has food in his apartment, but for the most part it's just what Jin has sent to his apartment to keep him alive. It’s not like he can’t do it himself, but it’s troublesome to go out and do those things himself. Most of the time, he’ll order food anyway instead of having to cook it himself. He should have something suitable for a kid.

He leaves his room with little Jeongguk toddling after him. The young child walks a bit slower, taking in the area around him in awe of how cool his house will be in the future.

“Our home is so big and cool! It’s awesome!” He beams.

“It’s okay.” Jeongguk shrugs. He reaches his pantry cabinet and pulls it open to look for cup ramen. He spots a few on the middle shelf and grabs one.

The young child continues to explore the apartment, finding the couch with a large pink throw bunched up on the couch, “Do you have a girlfriend?” His child self asks from the other room

Jeongguk scoffs, “Definitely not.”

He opens the top of the ramen and brings it over to the sink, filling it with water. “Then why do you have a pink blanket?” He hears his younger self shout from the living room.

“Because it’s comfy.” He answers over his shoulder. 

He turns off the water and brings the ramen to the microwave for the confused child, “But it’s pink.”

“Boys can like pink.” He argues, setting the timer and pressing start.

“Oh…okay.” Little Jeongguk takes the answer for what it is and moves on to something new. He spots a bookshelf of collectible figures and is immediately drawn to it. Specifically a character with a big head and tiny body with spiky hair. He reaches his hand out to touch the plastic hair, poking it and tipping it over.

“Please don’t touch that.” Jeongguk asks, rushing to his POP! figure’s aid. Little Jeongguk backs away from the shelf and quickly latches onto a gold trophy on another shelf. He reaches out and picks it up right as Jeongguk turns around, “Don’t touch that either.”

“Sorry.” He apologizes, offering the trophy back to his older self. Jeongguk snatches it away and immediately tends to it, giving his younger self the opportunity to latch onto something else. It’s the lamp closest to the balcony, just next to a recliner. It’s large, intricately shaped, gold, and 3 times his size. It looks like it makes noises if you shake it, so he tries.

At the same time, the microwave goes off and pulls Jeongguk’s attention away from fixing his Actor of the Year Award to turn towards the noise. As soon as he turns his head, he catches sight of the little boy shaking his very top heavy lamp and immediately jumps into action. He drops his award haphazardly on the floor and rushes to grab the lamp before it has the chance to topple over.

His strong and forceful grip on the lamp makes his younger self jump in surprise, tilting his head all the way back so he can see the panicked expression leave his elder self’s face as he sighs, “Stop touching everything.”

Little Jeongguk tilts his head, “You’re touching everything.”

“That’s because I’m a big kid-“ Jeongguk explains, pointing to himself. He taps his younger self on the nose, “-and you are not a big kid.”

“You don’t act like a kid.”

“That’s because I’m not a kid anymore?”

The little boy turns himself around and looks right up at his older self, “But why are you called a big kid if you aren’t a kid?” He gives Jeongguk a good minute to answer him, but the older boy has nothing good to answer him. Little Jeongguk just shakes his head and sighs, “This doesn’t make sense…”

Jeongguk himself sighs, unsure of what to really say to help the poor, confused child. The only thing he can think of however, is to change the topic itself, “Why don’t you sit down and eat your ramen?”

This seems to help. “Okay!” He cheers.

“Okay, go to the table then.” Jeongguk instructs, his younger self rushing to do exactly as he was told. He pulls out a chair and sits patiently as he waits for Jeongguk to finish up his food. As soon as he sets the bowl and a pair of chopsticks in front of him, he goes to town.

It’s amusing to watch him eat. He definitely knows how to use his chopsticks, he just struggles to keep much of the noodles on them. He averages at least 2 noodles per bite, and Jeongguk has to stop himself from laughing when the food slips back into the bowl before he can get to eat it. This younger version of himself is pretty cute, Jeongguk will give him that.

He just hopes he won’t be here for too long.

—-

What Jeongguk had hoped would only last a few days turned into 1 week. 7 full days of calling in sick and trying to figure out how to take care of…

Well, himself.

It wouldn’t be so bad if: A. He had a single clue on what he was doing. And B. He didn’t have to lie to Jin. 

The first week that he had appeared wasn’t so bad. He had no promotions or filming to be done, so there were no conflicts of interest trying to wait himself out. But his new show was starting in 2 days and his younger self was still here questioning him to death! And if it wasn’t a question, he was begging to watch cartoons.

If he didn’t figure something out soon, then he’d be entirely screwed.

KNOCK KNOCK

“I got-!” 

“Sh!” Jeongguk silences himself before he gets the chance to run away from the TV and to the door. He gets up from his spot on the couch and turns around and gets level with him, “You don’t answer the door. Especially if we haven’t seen who it is yet.”

“Well, who is it?” He asks, someone knocking on the door again right after.

“I don’t know.” He answers honestly, “You just stay here and watch your show, okay?”

The little boy shrugs, “Okay.”

The knocking continues and Jeongguk quickly makes his way over to the door to see who it is. 6 figures appear on his camera, and Jeongguk curses himself for not pretending to be out of the house. Right at the front was Jin with his phone to his ear. He was no doubt trying to call him, but Jeongguk had already turned his phone on silent after the second day he’d spent with himself. Next to him is Namjoon, and behind them are Hoseok and Yoongi. The three talk amongst themselves, occasionally one of them turning around to scold Taehyung and Jimin for goofing off while they wait.

It’s times like this that Jeongguk wishes he lived in a house with a back door that he could escape through, or that he were a bird and he could fly right off of his balcony to someplace that wasn’t quite as suffocating as his apartment was starting to feel.

“Who is it?!” His younger self calls from the living room, curious as to why the door hadn’t been opened yet. Jeongguk tries to shush him as quietly as possible, but he’s not quiet enough.

He sees the recognition on Jin’s face right before he knocks again, “Jeon Jeongguk, you open this door for your hyung’s and stop giving us the cold shoulder!”

With no other choice, Jeongguk sighs and opens the door. He only opens it enough for his head to poke out and manages a smile, “Hey everyone.”

“You don’t look sick.” Jin immediately points out.

“I made a timely recovery?” He answers nervously.

Namjoon chuckles, “An answer shouldn’t sound like a question.”

“Yeah! We should be the ones asking questions anyway!” Jimin agrees, pushing himself between Yoongi and Hoseok to get a better look at his long-time client, “Why have you been ignoring us?”

He shrugs, “I’ve been sick.”

“And now you’re suddenly better?” Jin asks.

“I guess you guys are miracle workers.”

Yoongi scoffs, “Ass kissing won’t make us leave.”

Taehyung shrugs, “Depends on the amount of ass kissing.”

“Listen, I appreciate the welfare visit, but I’m fine. You guys can go now.” Jeongguk tries to make his escape back into his home quick, but Namjoon is quicker than him.

“We came all this way to see you get better. We even made you soup.” He says, Hoseok lifting up a container behind him collecting steam.

“That’s really nice guys but-“ Jeongguk stops as he takes a closer look at the clear container, recognizing a few ingredients in the bowl, “You brought hangover soup?”

Hoseok shrugs, “It’s good food.”

“What’s a hangover?”

Jeongguk curses himself as everyone’s attention turns to the source of the question, poking his own head out of the door just like his older self. His big, curious eyes stare up at everyone, and they don’t miss the resemblance to their young actor.

Namjoon is the first to give an answer appropriate for a child, “It’s something adults get when they’ve had too much of something.”

“Like ice cream?” He asks.

It’s Jimin who struggles to come up with a suitable answer, “Well, not-“

“Yes! Just like ice cream.” Hoseok interjects. He pushes forward and lowers to little Jeongguk’s level with the hot soup container still in his hands, “What’s your name, baby?”

“I’m Jeon Jeongguk. I’m 6!” He says proudly, even giving a small nod of his head after he introduces himself.

“Oh really?” Hoseok looks up to the blonde actor with a brow raised, but he just gives him a nervous smile as if that itself is answer enough. Hoseok decides to disregard his friend entirely and focus on the child in front of him, “Why don’t we go to the kitchen and I’ll make you a bowl?”

Little Jeongguk’s eyes widen in excitement, “Of ice cream?!”

“Of soup.” He corrects, holding up the container for emphasis. The little boy frowns, and the fellow actor can’t resist the temptation to spoil him, “We can talk about ice cream after you eat.”

“Yes!” Jeongguk cheers. His little hands grab the door in his excitement and he almost knocks his older self in the face as he pulls it open. He waves Hoseok inside, “You can follow me, Uncle!”

Hoseok can hear a few of the others try not to laugh at the insinuation that he’s old, but he brushes it off in favor of catering to little Jeongguk, “Okay! I’m coming.” He smiles and stands up, deciding to push past the older Jeongguk into the apartment and let Jin handle the situation. 

As the saying goes: “Not his circus. Not his monkeys.”

The others watch Hoseok disappear with the small child with major similarities to the young actor in front of them. They’re all thinking the same thing, but none of them want to say anything. They’ve known he’s been in a rough patch, but they didn’t think this would be why.

“Well, isn’t he a wonderful little surprise…” Jin muses, a fake smile plastered on his face. He crosses his arms over his chest and raises a brow in Jeongguk’s direction, “Is there something you’d like to tell us, Jeongguk?”

Without missing a beat, he throws his arms up in defense, “I know what you’re thinking, and he’s not mine.”

Yoongi lets out a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank goodness! I was hoping you didn’t name your kid after you.”

Jeongguk glares at his hyung, unamused, “He’s my nephew. My brother asked me to watch him.”

“And they named him after you?” Taehyung asks in confusion, Jimin hitting his shoulder as a way to quietly scold him.

“What’s wrong with that?” The blonde questions.

The photographer pushes forward, “Jeongguk, you know I love you, but you’re the conductor of the no fun train.” 

He walks right past the blonde,ignoring his insistence that follows him, “I’m fun!”

Namjoon chuckles and follows suit with Taehyung, patting Jeongguk’s shoulder as he passes, “Of course! You’re just as fun as long division, buddy.”

“He’s got you there.” Yoongi agrees, following Namjoon with Jimin right behind him.

Jeongguk watches dejectedly as everyone enters his home exactly like he didn’t want, “Come on in…I guess…” He sighs. His personal prison was becoming even more cramped than before. The only one of his friends that didn’t enter his home is the one person he’s been actively avoiding the most.

Jin’s arms are still crossed, but he doesn’t look quite as disappointed as before. He just looks frustrated, “You could have just told me.”

Jeongguk shrugs, “Sorry…”

“C’mon.” Jin puts one arm down and throws the other over the blonde’s shoulder and leads him inside the apartment where everyone is making themselves at home.

“Jeongguk!” Jimin’s voice rings from the kitchen. Jeongguk meets him right at the doorway where the personal trainer is a mix between flabbergasted and upset, “Why are there so many ramen cups in your trash?”

“Because we ate them?” He answers

Jimin’s eyes widen, “All of them?!”

“Yeah?”

Jin sighs and takes a seat on the couch next to Yoongi, “I’m making a new grocery order for you.”

The model leans over to look at the grocery options with Jin, “Take all the ramen cups off.”

“Not all of them!” Jeongguk protests.

Jin looks up, eyes peering just over the top of his phone, “You get 6 max and that’s your only offer.

“Let me help you!” Jimin offers. He rushes to Jin’s other side where he plops on the couch and throws an arm over the back of it, “They’re both going to need specific meals to get back the nutrients they need.”

Hoseok comes out from the kitchen with a bowl of soup and hands it to Jeongguk, “Hey, where are his pants?” 

“In the washer.”

“And his other pairs?” Hoseok asks, his first question not being obvious enough.

Jeongguk just takes a big gulp of his soup and it has Namjoon joining the conversation, “Do you not have an overnight bag for him?”

Jeongguk wipes his mouth and shrugs, “It was pretty last minute. I thought he’d be fine.”

Yoongi sighs, “Add kids clothes.” 

“Size?” Jin asks, not bothering to look up from his phone.

“Let me check.” Hoseok goes back to the kitchen where little Jeongguk sits eating his soup to stop the laundry. He pulls out a shirt and a pair of pants and checks their tags, “Looks like a 7-8 for both.”

Jin nods, “I’ll order a few of everything.”

Jeongguk looks between everyone working together in amazement, “How do you guys even know how to do this stuff?”

“We took care of you, didn’t we?” Taehyung teases.

“Yeah, but I was a teen for most of that.”

“Yeah, teens aren’t much different than children.” Yoongi reminds him. 

“Granted, you were also in the industry longer so you had more of a sense of responsibility, but you were pretty much the same when we first met.” Namjoon agrees.

“Yeah. Then, somewhere along the line, you stopped acting like yourself.”

“You started brushing us off.” Taehyung complains.

“-And telling us off!” Jimin adds.

“I wasn’t that bad.” Jeongguk suddenly feels the weight of his apartment become heavier. Uncomfortable. Like pictures he’d tried to hide were suddenly on display for everyone to see, but everyone in the audience is him.

“You’ve been taking care of your nephew for a week without any supplies for him, only feeding him ramen, and instead of asking us for help you’ve been blowing us off.” Yoongi reminds him.

“We’ve been busy…” The blonde mumbles.

“Well, we’re going to be busy showing you exactly what you need to do to keep this poor kid alive.” Hoseok places a hand on each shoulder and gives a reassuring squeeze, “Let’s eat and then we’ll start with this innovative invention called a bath.”

*

*

*

True to their word, everyone did help him with himself for the rest of the day and the day after that. They showed him good - and easy - recipes to make for him besides ramen, what medicines were okay for him, and what shampoo and soap would be best. They crammed a novel’s worth of information into his head in 2 days, but it definitely helped. They even came up with a good way to differentiate the two Jeongguks.

He was dubbed as Jeongguk, just plain old him and nothing special - It’s not like he actually minds if they think that or not. His younger self was then dubbed JK, as a fun little nickname.

Unfortunately, all that work didn’t help to make his younger self go away. Now he was left to help get him ready for his first day on set. 

He can’t deny that the outfits Jin, Jimin, and Yoongi picked out are absolutely adorable. Though they may have gone a bit overboard on what they actually needed for him. The grey Tommy Hillfiger sweater is definitely cute on him, but the chances it will survive the day completely unharmed is unlikely.

The two of them are in the back of the car with Jin, JK tucked in the middle seat between the two adults. Jeongguk got up early this morning - after 2 missed calls from Jin - and got ready for work before he got JK up to get ready for the day. He even made eggs for the two of them. Nothing major, but enough until they get to set. He didn’t want JK to be too hungry that he ends up disturbing everyone on set.

“Now, remember, JK. You need to stay with Jin, okay? You can’t go running around set.” 

“I know.” The little boy assures him, playing with the toy that Hoseok bought him.

“-And if you need something before the director yells cut, then you need to be very quiet when you ask for help.”

“Okay.”

“And if-“

“Jeongguk-!” Jin interrupts, “I will keep an eye on him while we’re there, okay? JK is going to be just fine. We don’t want to overwhelm him.”

Jeongguk sighs, “I just don’t want to inconvenience anyone.” He admits.

Their car comes to a stop at the security check and Jin looks to JK and then back to his uncle with a stern gaze, “Well, it’s a good thing JK isn’t an inconvenience.” 

“What?” The actor is confused until he realizes the wording he used, “No! That’s not-!”

“You just worry about doing your job and I will worry about doing mine.” Jin tells him, adjusting his position in his seat as the car moves forward again.

Jeongguk can only sigh and nod, “Yeah...”

Their car comes to a stop just outside the lot and lets them out. Both Jin and Jeongguk help JK collect his belongings to keep him entertained before their driver leaves until later. The three make their way to the first stop of the day: hair and makeup.

As soon as Jin opens the door, they’re quickly greeted, “Good morning!” 

“Good morning,” Jeongguk calls back, stopping at the top of the stairs to make sure JK gets up okay. He offers himself a hand, and the stylists don’t miss the little hand that grabs his.

“Who is this?” His makeup artist asks, her eyes light with joy and curiosity.

“My nephew JK,” He explains. He playfully shakes their connected hands, “Say hello, JK.”

Though he’s normally very friendly and bubbly, this morning JK is a bit shy. He backs himself into Jeongguk’s legs and squeezes his hand, “Hello…”

“Oh, he’s so cute!” The woman squeals. She comes closer and gets on JK’s level, “What lovely little cheeks~”

“Such fluffy hair.” The hair stylist comments from her chair.

JK looks up to Jeongguk for help, and his older self mouths a thanks to him. He nods and turns to give his own thanks, “Thank you…” 

The woman squeals in delight and Jeongguk clears his throat, “Where should I sit?”

“Right here!” She stands up and offers him her chair in front of the second mirror, “Go ahead. Have a seat.” Jeongguk nods in thanks and she turns to Jin and JK, “The two of you can have a seat right over here.” She points to a section just behind them where there’s a bench to sit on with a coat resting between two cushions.

“Thank you.” Jin nods. He ushers JK to the bench and lets him climb onto the seat first, sitting down next to him.

Jeongguk’s makeup artist gets started prepping his face, pulling out the products she’ll need to clean it. As she does so, she glances at JK sitting quietly next to Jin, “So, JK, how old are you?”

“I’m 6!” He says, holding up 7 fingers by accident and having to put 1 down.

“Oh, wow!” She comments, “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

“Mhm!” He nods.

She grabs a towel to wipe off any excess from Jeongguk’s face and looks back to the young boy, “Do you go to school?”

“Yes.”

“What do you do in school?” She asks, glancing to reach for her next product.

JK shrugs, “School stuff.”

“Just school stuff?” Jeongguk’s hair stylist asks, working on someone of her own.

“We have recess!” JK adds excitedly, sending both women into 

“Oh really?” Jeongguk’s makeup artist asks, “What’s your favorite thing to do at school?”

“Lunch!”

“Lunch was my favorite too!” The hairstylist laughs, patting her plump stomach to prove her point.

Her current client in her chair laughs as well and turns his head just enough to see the young boy, “Are you having fun staying with your uncle?”

“Yeah!” JK nods excitedly, “We have lots of ramen and we watch cartoons together!”

“Just ramen?” The man asks.

“We had hangover soup the other day! Uncle Hoseok brought it.” 

Jeongguk’s face drops, and he quickly turns to scold himself out of embarrassment, “JK-!”

“What? We did!” He argues with an innocent pout. He turns back to the older manin the chair, “It was really good too.”

“It’s okay, Jeongguk~” His makeup artist coos, patting the tense actor on the back, “We all overindulge sometimes.” 

“Some more than others.” His hairstylist remarks.

“Hey! Don’t make me curse in front of the baby!” The other woman warns, making the other laugh.

The conversation continues like this as the two women do their work. They keep the conversation going with JK, and occasionally Jin will also add on. Jeongguk will only interject when he needs to keep the story straight. Thankfully, their time in hair and makeup doesn’t last much longer, and soon enough Jeongguk’s getting dressed and ushered to set.

To say his worry over JK causing a ruckus was the least of his problems was an understatement. Everyone on set loved him too. Anytime the director would call cut or take 5, JK would be surrounded by 3 people or more. All of them wanting to ask him questions and make sure he’s comfortable and happy. It’s not like he can just ask everyone to leave him alone, he’s not doing anything. He’s extremely well behaved for someone who’s never been on set before. Specifically a child.

By the time filming is over, JK has collected his own little army of fans. Within 10 hours, he’s broken out of his little shell and blossomed like a flower. He’s enraptured a group of adults so easily without even trying, it seems almost impossible. Even the director has taken a quick liking to his younger self.

“Jeongguk! Your nephew is absolutely adorable!” The man gushes, beaming with excitement as he plays with the boy’s hair, “He looks just like you when you were younger.”

“Really?” Jeongguk asks, feigning shock. Of course he knew that they looked identical, and he’d already heard it multiple times. But he needs to play it cool and push off any indication that this boy may be his in any way, shape, or form. He shrugs, “Everyone says that, but I don’t see it.”

“Well, it’s true. He’s just as charismatic as you were back in the day.” He assures him. Jeongguk really doesn’t see it, however. He could never have been so hyper and onewry. If anything, he was a very calm and very professional child when he was younger.

“You know, I’d love to put him in another show I’m working on.” The director mentions, grabbing the young boy's attention.

“A show? Me?!” He looks up at the director with hearts in his eyes, but all Jeongguk can see are red flags clouding his vision.

“Yes, you!” The man assures him. He bends down to be eye level with JK, “What do you think, buddy? Do you want to be a movie star?”

“Yea-!” “No.” 

Both the director and JK turn to the actor. One is very obviously disappointed in his answer, while the other seems taken aback that he wouldn’t want him to be a movie star like-Well, him.

“Why not?” JK asks, confused as to why he himself would say no to such a great thing.

The director awkwardly chuckles, “Jeongguk, I know I need to talk to his parents, but-“ He goes to place a hand on the actor’s shoulder, but Jeongguk stops him before he can touch him.

“I said no.” He repeats, “His parents entrusted him with me to take care of him, not to flaunt him around and sell him into the business.”

“It wouldn’t really be selling-“ The director tries to rationalize the decision again, but Jeongguk isn’t having any of it.

“I don’t care what it would be considered!” He yells, catching the attention of those around him. He can feel their stares, but he’s too angry to care at the Moment, “My brother hated my career and he wouldn’t want this for JK. I’m saying no out of respect for my brother and his wife, and that’s the end of it.”

“But I want to do it! I want to be just like you!” JK pipes up, hopeful that he can change his mind.

Jeongguk knows JK is smart. He knows he knows more than most kids as well, but even if he had all the knowledge in the world, he still wouldn’t change his mind, “I’m sorry, JK, but no.” 

Jeongguk says it like it’s final, and that just confuses JK even more. How come he gets to be an actor, but JK can’t decide he wants to be an actor too? It’s not fair, “Why can’t I decide?”

“Because you’re a kid and kid’s can’t make grown up decisions,” He explains, trying to keep the answer as simple as possible. Even though it’s different, even though he’d be around, even though he’d protect him from all the bad that he faced as a young actor. Jeongguk still wouldn’t let himself make the same mistake, “That’s the end of this.”

Jeongguk goes to leave the set entirely, having run out of the will to stay any longer, but JK isn’t having it. He jumps down from his chair and rushes to grab Jeongguk by the pant leg, “No! I want to do it!”

“JK-“ The actor is stunned, never seeing himself act this way before. JK had been very polite, reserved, and patient up until this point. Could one decision really make him this upset?

“Let me do it!” JK demands, pulling at Jeongguk’s pants. Jeongguk tries to gently nudge him back, but the little boy just won’t give up. He hits at Jeongguk’s hands and even kicks his leg for good measure. That really leaves the actor flabbergasted.

What makes it worse is now everyone is absolutely watching what’s happening. They’re watching him get beat on by a little kid and they’re watching how bad he is at handling the situation. Their eyes are just digging into him.

He doesn’t like that.

“JK! Stop it! We don’t act this way!” Jeongguk scolds, attempting to remain as gentle as possible. He tries to hold him back, but the little boy is relentless. He’s fighting with a passion, and it only makes Jeongguk’s anxiety skyrocket, “JK!”

Before Jeongguk can become anymore frustrated with his younger self, Jin swoops in to the rescue. He picks up JK around his middle, and the boy quickly begins to thrash in Jin’s arms. But unlike Jeongguk, the manager remains calm and composed despite the child kicking and screaming in his arms.

He turns to Jeongguk, “Grab his things and let’s be on our way.” He’s calm, calmer than you’d think someone would be when dealing with an angered child. He’s just so relaxed and at ease even though JK is physically pushing and pulling at him.

“Yeah. Of course.” Jin takes off for the exit and Jeongguk is quick to pack all of JK’s things away. He only had a few stray things, his jacket included. He tries to focus on getting it all tucked away in his bag, rather than focusing on the eyes boring into the back of his head.

He can feel the judgemental stares from others, berating him for not being able to take care of his own nephew. Of course, JK isn’t his real nephew, but he is to everyone else. Because of that, everyone thinks he’s now incapable of taking care of a child. They’re judging him. They’re watching his every move just like everyone else always does.

The feeling makes his skin crawl. He feels cold and itchy at the same time, and his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. The feeling is so overwhelming, that as soon as JK’s things are in his bag, Jeongguk races after Jin to catch up and escape the unrelenting gazes that bore into him all the way to the door. As soon as he gets through the door and is outside, it’s like a weight lifts itself off of his shoulders. His skin doesn’t feel on fire and he can breathe again.

He doesn’t see Jin or JK, but he still needs to get out of his set clothes. Not wanting to spend much more time at the studio, he rushes to his trailer and just discards his clothes on the couch in front of the door. Once he’s dressed in his original clothes again, he goes to find the car in the lot.

It doesn’t take him long to see Jin walking around the car with JK wrapped around him, softly bouncing him as he walks. He looks like he’s talking, but he’s too far away to hear anything that he might be saying to his younger self. From the looks of it, JK is definitely calm. His head lays on Jin’s broad shoulders, and his body is relaxed. He’s not sure what Jin could have done to ease the beast, but he’s glad he was able to calm him.

Getting closer to the two, Jeongguk can see that JK has actually fallen asleep in the short time it took for them to leave. He must have upset himself so much that he ended up falling asleep on Jin’s shoulder.

“How’d you get him to calm down?” Jeongguk asks when he makes it to the two of them.

“I talked to him.” Jin says, continuing to pat the young boy on his back.

Well, Jeongguk tried talking to him too. He didn’t even try to fight him. But Jin can just pick him up and walk off with him and he’ll be fine? Why didn’t that work for him? “He didn’t really want to talk to me…”

“Yeah, well, he’s a kid. Kid’s don’t want to talk to the person they’re angry with.” Jin calmly explains. He looks over Jeongguk’s things and double checks for JK’s things as well, “Do you have everything?”

“Yeah.” Jin nods in approval and turns to finally open the car door. He cradles JK’s head and goes to put him in the car himself when Jeongguk pipes up again, “Do you need help?”

“No, I have him.” Jin assures, stretching his leg across the backseat to set the boy down and ensure he stays asleep. Even when Jeongguk gets in, Jin already has the boy’s seatbelt on, has leaned his head against his body, and is already scrolling through his phone to check his emails and field calls until later when he has a second.

Jin’s always been better at everything. Better at his emotions, better at taking care of others, better at making others feel warm and welcome. He just knows what to do around others and what to say. He’s the perfect role model and Jeongguk is…

Jeongguk is just nothing compared to him. 

Some days, it just feels like he’s holding Jin back more than anything. He’s his only client, and he’s the only one that refuses to do promotions and talk shows because one wrong move and he runs off-stage. He owes so much to Jin, and he can’t even control his younger self long enough to get home. What kind of man is he?

He can feel a headache coming on. It’s been lingering ever since JK showed up that first night. The stress and anxiety are starting to get to him, but he hasn’t went to ye old faithful yet because he doesn’t want to get drunk in front of him. But not having a drink in so long is making him irritable and unmotivated.

He owes it to Jin to be at his best.

“Hey, Jin?” Jeongguk turns to his manager, and he pauses his typing just long enough to acknowledge him, “Could you watch JK for the night?”

Jin stops looking at his phone altogether, eyeing his client - his friend -up and down as if he’s trying to read more into him. He glances down at the sleeping boy between them, “He’s not not upset with you.”

“I just-...” He tries to think of a good excuse, but there’s no good way to say ‘I just want to have a night to myself to get drunk’ you know? He can only hope Jin can’t read it on his face, “I really just need a night to think about things.”

Jin doesn’t answer right away. He looks at his phone, looks at JK, looks at him, and it’s a good minute before he finally sighs, “Okay, but only one night.” 

“Of course! I just need one night.” Jeongguk assures him.

Just one night to clear his head and get himself on the right track.

*

*

*

Step

Step, Step

Step, Ste-Stumble!

….

Step

One after another, Jeongguk takes careful steps towards the elevator of his building. He hadn’t meant to drink so much the night before, he hadn’t meant to drink for so long that his night turned to day. His alarm barely sobered him up enough to text Jin he was awake and on his way down.

He reaches the elevator and reaches out to press the down button, missing the outlet entirely. He tries 3 more times before he finally places his hand on the wall and feels for the button until he can press it. Luckily for him the doors open as soon as he does.

He takes a careful step into the lift, reaching out in front of him for the railing. He uses it to keep himself balanced while he searches for the floor he needs. He presses one, only to find out he pressed the “close doors” button. He presses another button, but he presses the “door open” button. It takes several more attempts before he finally starts moving down.

3 floors down the elevator stops, doors opening and an older woman stepping on. She eyes him up and down, but Jeongguk just smiles, “What floor?”

“5 please.” She answers with a fake smile of her own.

Jeongguk nods, “Coming right up!” He looks at the keys and tilts his head in confusion. He bends down to get eye level with it, his finger hovering the buttons until he believes he’s found the right one.

“That’s floor 7, dear.”

“Huh?” Jeongguk takes a closer look and sees his mistake. He presses another one, “There we go.”

“That’s floor 4.” She corrects. 

Jeongguk sees and tries again, pressing every button in front of him. He stops once every button is lit up, “That should do it.” 

The poor woman sighs, “Thank you…”

He and the woman stand in silence, stopping on every floor. It must be a relief when she can finally get off on the floor she mentioned, leaving Jeongguk to think about what he’s doing. If he acts like this in front of Jin, then he’ll actually slaughter him. He needs to wake up and sober up.

He decides to stretch himself out. He pulls his arms across his chest one at a time, turning his body to each side with them. He raises both arms up high above him, stretching back before bending down to touch the elevator floor. It helps that his drunken state has forced him to stop on every floor, even if it’s one of the worst things he could have done in his own apartment building.

Just when he thinks stopping on almost every floor couldn’t get worse, the elevator door finally opens up to the lobby.

“What’s he doing?” His younger self asks.

The blonde is mid-stretch when he looks up and makes eye contact with himself from the center of the elevator. He’s stretching to the left with his whole body tilted to the side, and he watches as the younger version of himself tilts his head just like him. His little hand comes up to wave, and he waves back.

His manager is not amused.

“Are you ready to go?” Jin asks.

“Yeah.” The actor stands from his stretch like it’s no big deal, but the doors starting to close have him tripping himself to get out before they close all the way. He almost knocks his shoe off, but he stops himself before his foot can slip out. 

“Good thing I’m a better driver than I am a walker.” He tries to play it off with a laugh, but no laugh can hide his behavior. 

Jin’s unbothered expression digs into Jeongguk like a knife. It’s like every second that his manager spends looking at him is another second that he starts to sober up.

Jin bends down, “JK, come here.” The little boy does so, “Your uncle and I need to use the restroom. Can you be a good boy and go wait on the couch in front of the front desk?” 

He points to the couch where he wants JK to sit and the young boy nods, “Mhm!”

“Thank you so much!” Jin thanks him, taking one of his little hands and squeezing it tightly in his own with a bright smile. He stands so he’s just bent over and places a hand on JK’s back to usher him in the right direction, “Go on. We’ll be right back.” He makes sure he gets there and turns to Jeongguk, only a screen of what used to be a genuine smile, “Follow me. Now.”

Jeongguk follows behind his manager, unaware of his manager’s sudden mood change. He was just confused as to why both he and Jin had to go to the bathroom together. Did he have a change in schedule? Was he doing a lewd scene and didn’t want to mention it in front of JK? The possibility of what could be so important is endless. That’s why Jin shrugging off his jacket and pulling up his sleeves just to wash his hands is so confusing to him.

His manager just sits there, letting the water run. 

No talking. 

No humming. 

Just absolute silence while he stands there next to him.

“I thought you had to use the bathroom?” Jeongguk asks after a minute of this goes by.

“Not me. You.” Without any warning, Jin grabs Jeongguk by the front of his shirt and throws a handful of water into his face. It has the actor jumping back in surprise, taken aback by such random actions. The second handful does nothing to help the situation either.

“Jin! What the hell?!” Jeongguk curses, squirming his way out of Jin’s hold. He wipes the water out of his eyes, “Are you crazy?”

“Am I crazy…?” Jin repeats, “Are you kidding me?!” He turns behind him and locks the bathroom door before charging forward, grabbing Jeongguk by the front of his shirt and pushing him up against the wall. Jeongguk’s back hits first before his head, the younger man letting out a whine of pain. But his manager doesn’t care. He continues to get in the actor’s face, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Hyung-!” Jeongguk tries to push against him, but Jin’s grip is stronger and more forceful than his.

“I thought when you asked me to watch your nephew last night, that you were using that time to think? Not so you could push off your responsibilities and get so drunk that you’re still inebriated in the morning!” He yells.

“So, I’m still a little out of it, it’s not that bad.” Jeongguk says.

“No, Jeongguk. It is bad.” Jin reiterates, “Your brother trusted his son’s life in your hands, and it is unacceptable for you to endanger it.”

“I’m not endangering him! I just got a little drunk last night-“

“Last night! The point being: You shouldn’t be drunk anymore!” Jin reminds him, “Let alone driving for that matter either! What were you thinking?!”

Jeongguk doesn’t have much to say. Even if he did, he’s not sure Jin would really like what he had to say anyway, “I just got carried away…”

“This is more than carried away, Jeongguk! Carried away is dancing on top of a bar! Carried away is hugging all of your friends 8 times! Carried away is cry-singing Celine Dion at karaoke! This is a dumpster fire!” Jin spews off, absolutely enraged with the actor’s behavior. 

“It’s not like I do this all the time!”

“You don’t do this all the time?” Jin scoffs, “Do you know how many drunk calls I get from you? Do you know how many times I’ve had to bail your ass out of trouble because you refused help? Because anytime that someone does help you, you throw it right out the window?! Do you?!” Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say. It’s his first time ever hearing about this problem. 

“I told myself that I would let you work it out your own way, because I respect you as my client and as my friend. I know how prideful you are and how insistent you are to do everything on your own. But obviously, that was a mistake.” Jin releases his grip on Jeongguk’s shirt and steps back, turning around to collect himself. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone, “You can’t go to work like this, let alone take care of a child.”

This seems to wake up the actor just a little more, “I have to go to work. They can’t do my scenes without me.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re not going right now.” Jin says, typing away on his phone without a care in the world for what Jeongguk has to say. 

“Can’t we talk about this a little more?” Jeongguk asks.

Jin audibly sighs, trying to restrain himself. At a Moment like this, though, it’s a little hard to do. But he does, and he turns on his heel to get in front of Jeongguk once again. The actor sinks into the wall, fearing that his manager will grab him again, but he doesn’t. Honestly, Jin is a lot scarier when he doesn’t have his hands on him.

“I am going to take your nephew to get a nice big breakfast and you are going to go back to your apartment and take as many showers as it takes to get rid of the alcohol smell off of you. You’re going to brush your teeth until the taste of mint makes you want to vomit, and then you’re going to drink 2 cups of coffee with toast and only toast. I don’t want to hear a word from you until you’ve done it all.” Jin orders.

“Jin-!”

“Not a word!” Jin repeats, his voice echoing in the small confines of the men’s bathroom. There are tears in the manager’s eyes, and Jeongguk can feel a few tears of his own threatening to fall. Jin just shakes his head as he tries to remain the voice of reason, “You don’t even know how it feels to watch you from the outside. To watch you destroy yourself time and time again just to be brushed off...and I have to lie to everyone that loves you and tell them that you’re okay.”

Jin takes a step away once again, only this time he rolls down his sleeves and grabs his untouched suit jacket, pulling it back on, “Now, we’re going to walk out and we’re both going to look as if nothing’s wrong, because JK doesn’t need to know. You’re going to tell him that you’ll see him later and we’ll be back to pick you up at 1:30 on the dot. Do you understand?”

Jeongguk understands. Maybe not completely, but he’s piecing things together as he’s starting to sober up, “I didn’t mean for it to get this far…”

“Do you understand?” Jin repeats.

“Yes.”

Jin nods, accepting the answer even if it wasn’t what Jeongguk wanted to hear. He unlocks the door to leave and mutters one last thing that Jeongguk can hear, “Of all the people to choose as a namesake and your brother chooses a disappointment.”

It stops Jeongguk in his tracks, stunning the man as he comes to realize just how badly he fucked up. Jin had never said anything that wasn’t truthful to him, he’s always talked to him with his best interest in mind. But this feels like a slap to the face.

And he basically signed off on it himself.

Jeongguk quickly follows behind Jin, trying his best to put on a brave face after being put through the ringer. The manager has already put on his own happy face and is making a B-line to JK who’s waiting patiently on the couch, swinging his little legs back and forth. 

“Hey, JK! Come here~” Jin calls out, waving to the boy. JK is quick to jump off the couch and meet Jin in the middle, an unknowing smile on his face. Jin bends down to his level, “Your uncle doesn’t feel very good, so he’s going to go and try to rest until a bit later on. So, you and I are going to go get breakfast!”

“Really?! Can we get pancakes?” He asks, none the wiser to anything bad that happened in the men’s bathroom.

“We sure can.” Jin assures him. He grabs the boy’s hand and stands to his near full height, “Say goodbye to Jeongguk.”

JK happily waves, “Bye! Feel better!”

Jeongguk waves back, a fake smile plastered on his face as he bids goodbye. It’s only when the two disappear through the glass doors with their backs turned that Jeongguk turns his back as well, dropping his smile.

He returns to his apartment to do as Jin told him to. To take his showers, to brush his teeth, to drink away the alcohol, to do nothing else but think about just how fucked he actually is. Jin had never told him before that he’d called him drunk before. He’d never told him about the warning signs. But he can see it when he thinks more.

He thinks of the other night when Jin showed up with all of their friends. The soup Hoseok had brought with him. How they came as a collective and refused to leave. They knew he was spiraling, and him going MIA made them think the worst. He made them hope it wasn’t the worst.

Or that time he was hungover from the night before, but at least sober. Jin showed up with breakfast, and he was asking weird questions. He asked if he’d wanted to see his therapist instead of sticking to their schedule, or if he’d rather go play video games or something. He’d only be missing a costume fitting, but Jin assured him that it could be rescheduled if he’d wanted.

He said no.

He asked Jin to watch JK so he could pull himself together, and he made an even bigger mess. He’d just wanted to clear his head, and instead he left himself without the ability to think at all. He was supposed to be driving a car that morning, and he was going to show up drunk and put himself, his acting partner, and the whole crew in danger.

How could he have let himself go so far?

He makes the decision then to throw out every last drop of alcohol in his home. Expensive, cheap, cooking, rubbing; it doesn’t matter. He’d throw it all out and never look back. He’d turn himself around. He has to turn himself around.

For them.

He won’t continue to disappoint the only people he has left.

——

True to his word, he’s ready to go by the time Jin and JK get back. He’s outside waiting for them, and he doesn’t waste any time getting in the car. When they get to set, Jeongguk gets into his costume and leaves for hair and makeup. He makes very little conversation, but he tries. He apologizes to the director as soon as he gets on set, and he gets to work. The whole day, he does the best he’s ever done, and it still leaves him unsure as to whether or not he did everything right.

Even so, it doesn’t make the ride home any less awkward. JK once again fell asleep on the way home, having passed out in his chair before they’d even finished filming for the day. Only sounds of soft snores fill the car, and a dull tone from the radio up front for the driver.

But no matter how awkward he feels, he still owes it to Jin to put in the effort that he’s putting towards him.

“I threw out all of my alcohol.” Jeongguk blurts out, having sat in silence debating what to do long enough, “Even the cooking wine.”

The last part makes Jin let out a soft laugh, “It’s not like you actually used the cooking wine anyway.”

“No, I really didn’t…” Jeongguk agrees, laughing about it as well. But laughter wouldn’t hide the seriousness of the conversation, “I’m sorry.”

“I know, Jeongguk.” Jin sighs. He’s known from the moment he threw water on his face that the actor didn’t mean for his actions to hurt himself or others, “I saw it in your face.”

“I’m just-…tired of this.” He admits, something he can only assume he’d done when he was too far gone to remember. 

“Then quit.” His manager tells him.

“What?”Jeongguk asks, totally shocked. 

“Quit if you really can’t do this anymore,” Jin says again, “You don’t need to suffer to do your job, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk just shakes his head in response, “But everyone will hate me.”

“That shouldn’t matter. Who cares about what other people think of you?” Jin asks.

“I do!” Jeongguk yells just a bit too loud. He and Jin both look to JK between them, making sure Jeongguk’s outburst didn’t wake him. He lowers his voice, “I care about what other people think about me. I always have. I can’t just walk away when everyone will hate me for it.”

“Then let us help you.” Jin pleads. He reaches out with a gentle hand and places it on Jeongguk’s shoulder,  “You have friends that are here for you - you have family - but you’ll never get the help you need if you never ask or accept it.”

Jeongguk nods. He understands what he’s saying, but for some reason he still feels so alone, “I just feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know which way is up…”

“You’re going through a rough time, I know. You have for a bit now, and we should have had this conversation a lot sooner. That’s on me.” Jin says, taking full responsibility for something Jeongguk doesn’t think they both take the blame for. “It’s not easy to feel like you’re alone, but you can’t let it affect everyone else. Especially, JK.”

“I know. And I’m going to do better.” Jeongguk assures him. He looks at JK and fixes a stray strand of hair that’s falling in front of his eyes, “For both of you.”

“I hope you do.” Jin nods. The car comes to a stop outside of Jeongguk’s apartment complex and Jin clears his throat, “Alright. Get in there, get him to bed, and get some rest yourself. I’ll get some days off for you next week.”

“Thank you, Jin. For everything that you do and have done for me.” Jeongguk thanks him, truly appreciating the hard work that he does everyday for him.

“Hey, that’s my job as both your manager and your friend.” He assures him. Jeongguk reaches to get JK out of his seat, and Jin stops him for just a second, “Just please know that you can lean on me.”

“I know…” Jeongguk nods.

“Good.” Jeongguk proceeds to remove JK from his car seat, waking the boy just a bit, but quickly cooing him back to sleep. He gets him settled on his hip and waves to Jin one more time before shutting the door. He turns on his way to get some rest, but Jin calls out to him from the window, “Oh and Jeongguk-!”

“Yeah?” He asks, turning over the shoulder without the child.

“I don’t think you’re a disappointment.” Jin confesses, referring to their conversation from earlier, “I said a lot of truths earlier today, but you being a disappointment was not one of them.”

Jeongguk had already come to terms with the way he’s been acting. He knows that he’s been less than his best, and today was not a good day for anyone. Even if Jin didn’t mean what he said, even Jeongguk knows that there’s still some truth to it. But that’s something he needs to come to terms with and push away.

He smiles and nods, “I’ll see you tomorrow, hyung.”

Jeongguk never thought getting a bit of truth off of his chest could feel so good. Who knew talking about something could feel like relief? It feels refreshing. He knows he has a long road to go, but maybe this will be a new beginning for him.

*

*

*

True to his word, Jin managed to get Jeongguk some extra time off next week. It took a lot of rearranging, but he was somehow able to convince the director and his producers that it was for the better. He’s not sure how he did it, but Jin has always had his ways of making the impossible possible. It definitely made getting through a few more days of filming worth it when his break finally came around.

And he made plans for the days he was granted.

“Doesn’t anyone else think this is just a little shady?” Taehyung asks.

He walks down the sidewalk between Hoseok and Namjoon with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket. Yoongi and Jimin follow behind them.

“What’s shady?” Jimin asks.

“Jeongguk inviting us to go out!” The photographer says in disbelief, “Not Seokjin on his behalf, not Seokjin forcing us, but Jeongguk picking up his phone and putting in the work to talk to us.”

Hoseok shrugs, “Jin said he and Jeongguk had some kind of come to Jesus Moment.”

“He found religion?” Jimin asks.

Namjoon turns over his shoulder to look at Jimin, “That’s not always what that means.”

“I’m pretty sure in Seokjin terms, that means he beat the shit out of Jeongguk until he figured it out himself.” Yoongi explains.

“Now, that’s something I’ll put money on!” Taehyung laughs, glad someone agrees with him. 

“We’re not putting money on anything!” Hoseok scolds, “We are here to support our friend and whatever it is that he’s wanting to do today.”

“So, we’re emotional support while he gets a haircut?” Jimin asks.

Namjoon comes to a sudden stop and it makes Jimin walk right into him, “I don’t think it’s Jeongguk getting the haircut today…” 

Before them is a hair salon, but it’s very geared towards kids. The outside is decorated in bright colors, with lights on the windows, and handmade drawings hung on display. Through the glass, it’s not hard to miss the cute little playset in the waiting area or the themed chairs for children to sit in.

“I could see him hopping in one of the little planes.” Taehyung jokes, amused just imagining the usually serious actor sitting himself in a plane chair.

Yoongi scoffs, “If he’s drunk, maybe.”

“Maybe he is…” Jimin adds.

“Shit.” Hoseok curses.

He’s the first to enter the salon, the other’s trailing close behind. As soon as the door opens, they listen for the sounds of a sobbing drunk being ridiculed, but the only sounds they hear come from childish giggles, child songs playing over speakers, and the occasional murmur of a hairdryer or clippers.

“Oh, hey, you all showed up.” Sitting just a few seats down to their left is Jin, phone in hand - as per usual - and a coffee resting on the side table next to him. He doesn’t seem very bothered, and Jeongguk is nowhere in sight.

“Yeah, we got Jeongguk’s text.” Yoongi mentions, looking around for the missing actor.

Jin nods and turns back to his phone, “They should be finishing up.”

“They?” Hoseok questions.

“Do you like your hair JK?”

“I love it!”

The group turn to the salon, hearing the familiar voices of their friend and his nephew. The little boy has a brand new haircut, his hair styled back and no longer falling into his eyes. Jeongguk holds his hand as they walk towards them, wearing jeans, a white shirt, and a light green jacket. But most importantly, he’s smiling.

Yoongi turns to Jin with a skeptical look, “What did you give him?”

Jin shrugs, still looking at his phone, “A dose of reality.”

“Is that a code word for crack?” Taehyung asks, watching his friend happily interact with the hair stylist checking them out.

“No, I just talked to him a bit,” Seokjin assures them, “He’s done good so far, so I’ll keep going along until it looks like it’s not helping.”

“Jeongguk! It’s hyungs!” JK suddenly cheers, having spotted them. They turn to the source of the yell, and see the little boy already making a b-line to them at full force.

Jimin steps in front of him and JK opens his arms for the trainer to lift him into the air and toss him up, “Oh! Look at you, JK.”

“You look so handsome today.” Taehyung compliments, crowding the boy with the others.

JK turns red, but he doesn’t shy away, “I know~” They all laugh at his cute confidence. 

Jeongguk walks up not too long after, having to finish paying before he could join, “I’m glad you all made it.”

“Well, it’s not everyday that we get a personal invitation from Jeon Jeongguk himself.” Yoongi teases.

“Are we ready to move this party along?” Jin asks, standing from his seat in the waiting area.

“Yeah.” Jeongguk moves forward to take JK out of Jimin’s arms and set him on the floor, “We have quite a bit planned today, so I hope you’re all okay with that.”

They all look at each other, and it’s Hoseok that answers for them, “Not a problem at all.”

They leave the salon and begin their walk, following after Jeongguk and JK, the younger of the two walking with a dance in his step.

“So, what are we doing today?” Namjoon asks.

“We’re going to the mall!” JK answers, turning around and walking backwards.

Jeongguk grabs onto JK’s hand to keep him on track, “I figured we could actually go and enjoy what they have while JK is with me instead of keeping him in the house or on set all day.”

Taehyung scoffs, “Really? You want to go to the mall-Ow!” He cries out when Yoongi punches him in the side.

“I don’t really want to go, but it’s not about me today.” Jeongguk admits, surprising his friends, “We’re going because JK will like it, and I just needed some backup.” He stops to turn and look at the others for their opinions, “I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s not a problem at all.” Hoseok assures him.

The mall is a quick walk, not too far from the salon that they all met up at. And once they get inside, it’s only a problem of deciding what to do first.

“Where do you wanna go, JK?” Jeongguk asks him, gently squeezing his hand. 

“Um…what’s that?” He asks, pointing to a big sign further down.

“The orange sign?” Namjoon asks, trying to make sure he knows exactly what JK is talking about. He nods and Namjoon looks up again, “It’s a trampoline park. So you get to jump around.”

“Really?” The boy asks, already filling with excitement, “I wanna go there!”

So they do. They all get signed up and purchase their socks, even getting a locker so they can put away what they don’t need. Jin puts the key bracelet around his wrist, having more faith in himself than anyone else to not lose it.

The options for jumping are endless. There’s an area where anyone can just jump freely, mostly filled with kids around JK’s age. Then there are two long tracks leading up to a foam pit where you can do flips or just dive to your heart's content. They have other activities like dodgeball and a dunking range, where you can jump up to the net and dunk a ball. They have so many options and it’s hard to choose just one. The only real option is to try each one at least once.

JK absolutely loves every second. And what’s surprising is how much Jeongguk enjoys it as well. The way he encourages JK to jump higher, and openly challenges the others to join him or do better. For the first time in a long time, they’re seeing the teenager they’d each met before he closed himself off and bottled himself up. It’s a nice change of pace compared to the stick in the mud they’re so used to seeing.

But all that jumping will really work up an appetite.

“Do you know what you want to eat now, JK?” Jin asks again. The food court is huge with almost an endless amount of options. Leaving a decision like that up to a little boy is like asking him what he wants for Christmas.

“Uh…um…” JK looks around the large room again, studying the different signs and trying to pinpoint different smells. There are so many things that sound delicious, but he just can’t decide. He turns to Jin, “I don’t know…”

“It’s okay.” He assures him, patting his shoulder gently. He says it’s okay, but Jin is the biggest foodie in the group. Standing and waiting when he already knows what he wants is torture.

Taehyung comes back with his bag of food, Jimin right behind him. Taehyung stops when he sees JK still standing where they’d left him, “Hey, he still hasn’t gotten food yet?”

JK pouts, “No…”

Jin glares at Taehyung, and he just shrugs, “What?!” He looks to the other’s already sitting with their food as well, but none offer him any help. So, the photographer takes it upon himself. He sets his bag on the table and opens it up, pulling out his burger. He opens it up and offers it to the confused boy, “Here, JK. Do you want a bite of my burger? Maybe that’ll help you decide.”

JK is hesitant, but Taehyung assures him that it’s okay. He grabs onto the burger and takes a small bite. As soon as he does, his eyes light up in excitement.

“Oh! That looks like a happy face!” Taehyung says, “Is that what you want?” He asks.

JK nods, and Jin sighs in relief, “Let’s go get one, okay?”

“Okay!” The two go off to get their food, JK walking with the pep back in his step.

Yoongi laughs watching him, “You know, for the two of you being so similar, you’re so vastly different.”

“Really? You think so?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yeah. The first difference being JK is happy-go-lucky 24/7 and you’re having an energy spurt right now-Ah!” It’s Namjoon that kicks Taehyung under the table, and the photographer whines, “Stop hitting me! I swear to god!”

“What he’s trying to say, is we’re not used to seeing you like this.” Namjoon explains.

“Yeah? Well, I’m trying to do better for myself.” Jeongguk admits, “I know my problem hasn’t really been much of a secret with you guys, and I’m just now working on how to accept outside help.”

“Well, we’re here for you anytime you need it.” Jimin assures him.

“Yeah, it’s not easy doing any of this show business stuff on your own.” Hoseok adds.

“It can be really draining if you’re not careful, and it’ll suck the soul right out of you.” Yoongi agrees. He looks at Jeongguk and scoffs, “But I guess you already know that.” Jeongguk laughs, and it makes the other’s comfortable enough to laugh as well. 

Namjoon looks to where JK is waiting in line with Jin for food and sighs, “I guess it was just a good thing that JK got dropped off with you when he did.”

“You think so?” Jeongguk asks.

“Absolutely!” Jimin agrees, “Ever since he’s come around, you’ve changed.”

“A good change.” Hoseok adds.

Jeongguk nods in understanding. He’s known for a while that he hasn’t been what he used to, and JK coming in and changing up his usual pattern really has helped him to see that and live differently these past few weeks. In a way, JK appearing in his room was like a blessing he never knew he needed. 

“Well, I’m hoping I can make this change last for a long time.”

*

*

*

In the days that he was granted off, Jeongguk had many accomplishments. He started conversations, he smiled at people more, and he let himself just enjoy who he is. It’s something he hasn’t done in quite a while, and it’s been like a breath of fresh air to just enjoy life.

To enjoy being himself.

But with every good day, there comes a bad. And to his credit, Jeongguk has made himself quite a few good days, and he knew when he started that this process of a “new him” wouldn’t be easy. But nobody told him hard would feel impossible.

The day started fine. Get up, get dressed, start breakfast, wake up JK, and get him ready for the day as well. They met Seokjin on time and they made it to set on time. Everything was going just as planned until he got settled in his stylist’s chair and opened his phone.

“Big time actor with a drinking problem? An anonymous source was quoted saying they saw multiple empty bottles in the trash bins of Actor Jeon Jeongguk’s apartment. Click here to read the full article~”

Suddenly, Jeongguk feels small again, like the smallest person in the universe. Of course, he knew he had a drinking problem, and his friends also knew he had a drinking problem. He didn’t know anyone else knew about it as well. And to his credit, maybe they didn’t know. But someone figured it out, and they went through his trash for proof. They did what they could to put him front and center on the cover of some magazine, and they succeeded. 

He can hear Jin now, cursing and yelling at someone on the phone while JK uses a pair of headphones to watch a movie and drown him out. He can see the lights flashing in his eyes, muffled voices molding together and demanding to know if he has a drinking problem, what drove him to it, if he needs help, if it explains his behavior towards the press for who knows how long. 

Every word makes a new thought, and every new thought is like the weight of another bottle being added to his hands. It doesn’t even make him angry that someone would do this. But his anxiety feels like it’s at an all time high. It’s kicked the air out of his lungs, and he just wants to go home and forget it all.

But he can’t go home.

He’s still trapped in a prison cell trying to pretend he’s someone he hasn’t been in a long time.

Even when he does finally make it home, Jeongguk is still bothered by the words he read. Jin said he would take care of it, but Jeongguk still sees them moving in front of him, taunting him to no end. It’s times like this where he wants to drink the pain away, but that would only make everything worse.

He just needs it all to go away! It all just has to disappear and never come back! He just wants peace, and he doesn’t think that’s so much to ask. But being alone right now, is something he won’t get.

Because he still has his younger self to worry about.

—

Ever since Jin asked JK to watch a movie so he could make a phone call, he could tell that something’s been wrong. He guessed it was grown-up stuff since Jin and Jeongguk kept whispering to each other. Grown ups usually whisper around him when they don’t want him to hear about things.

But he does.

He always hears what they don’t want him to. Even if he doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong, he can usually tell that something is wrong. Especially right now. It was hard not to notice Jeongguk looking sadder. He’d been so happy over the past few days, and even in the morning! But then he stopped smiling as much, and that worries him.

“Jeongguk?” JK asks, carefully watching his older self pace around the kitchen. The blonde stops to look at him, but he’s truthfully just going through the motions at the Moment, “Are you okay?”

Jeongguk lets out a frustrated sigh. He was being obvious. Apparently, so obvious that even JK has started to notice that he’s not okay. 

He needs to chill.

“I’m fine, buddy.” Jeongguk lies, putting on a brave front to save face until JK would finally fall asleep.

He comes to join JK in the living room to help ease him, but the little boy isn’t so easily swayed, “But you look really sad…” JK notes, saying Jeongguk’s fears aloud.

Even to someone as young and impressionable as JK, he could even tell that Jeongguk was feeling less than okay. But as his older self, it’s his job to show him that everything is just fine, even when it’s not.

“I’m not sad, I’m just having a rough day.” Jeongguk explains, hoping the little white lie will pass for now.

JK takes the bait, but not in the way Jeongguk was hoping, “Maybe you can take a bath! With bubbles! Tons and tons of bubbles!” JK suggests. A bubble bath is a great idea! They’re warm and tons of fun. JK is sure Jeongguk would love it too. “Bubbles make everything better.”

“I really appreciate you thinking about me buddy, but I don’t really want to take a bath right now.” It’s heartwarming that JK cares so much for him, but also so frustrating that he won’t let Jeongguk drop the subject. He just wants to get through 2 more hours and then go to bed before he has to wake up and face any more bad publicity aimed at him.

“Maybe we can watch a movie?” JK suggests, unaware that while he’s trying to help, it’s not truly helping Jeongguk at the Moment, “Movies make me happy!”

“Not right now, JK.” Jeongguk calmly repeats, keeping his words precise and to the point like Jin had suggested he do.

JK pouts, “But I want to make you feel better.”

Jeongguk sighs, “I don’t want your help right now, buddy.” 

“But I’m a good helper! Mommy says so.” JK assures him, proud that his Mom thinks so highly of him.

“Well, I’m saying no right now.” Jeongguk says, starting to let his frustration seep out. He can feel all the pent up frustration and anxiety that he’s been holding in ready to boil over, and he’s really trying his best not to blow up. But he’s losing his patience every time he has to repeat himself. He just doesn’t see how JK can’t understand.

How he can’t seem to understand.

“But I can-“

“I said no!” Jeongguk repeats, louder than the firm voice that Jin had suggested.

It shocks JK, making him jump in surprise at the outburst. When did Jeongguk get angry? He wonders. He was just trying to help, so why would he be angry? 

“Jeongguk-“

“No! Stop!” Jeongguk pleads. He stands from the couch and moves just past his coffee table, unable to sit any longer. He turns to JK in frustration, “Can’t you just listen the first time I tell you something?! It’s not that hard!”

“I’m sorry…” JK apologizes, voice small. He hadn’t meant to make Jeongguk mad, he just wanted to help.

Jeongguk scoffs, “Sure you are.” He mutters under his breath. But however quiet he may have thought he was, JK still heard him.

“I am! I am sorry!” JK argues.

He jumps off the couch to defend himself, and Jeongguk takes a step back, “Please-“ He holds his hands up in defense, closing his eyes and trying to remind himself to remain calm. The situation is bad enough, and he doesn’t need to add arguing with a child to the list and make it worse for himself, “Just leave me alone.” 

“But I’m here to help you!” JK yells..

“Well, you’re not helping right now. Please sit back down.” Jeongguk begs, hoping more than anything that he’ll listen to him.

But of course, JK doesn’t hear Jeongguk’s pleas. He only hears the accusations that he’s not doing what he knows he’s doing, “I am! I’m helping!”

“JK-“ 

The little boy climbs on top of the coffee table, little hands balled into fists at his sides, “I’m a great helper!” He reminds him.

“Well, you aren’t helping me!” Jeongguk blurts out, “You’ve been nothing but annoying since you got here!”

“I’m not annoying!” JK denies, stomping his foot on the table and defiance.

“Yes! Yes, you are!” Jeongguk argues back, “And you know what else?” The adult asks. He’s past annoyed, and he’s past mad. He’s at a point that he didn’t think he’d get to. A point where the argument doesn’t matter as long as it gets ended. The point in a fight where people get hurt for the sake of being right, “You’re a pain in the ass! You’ve made everything a pain in my ass!”

“Don’t say that! That’s a bad word!” JK scolds, waving a finger at Jeongguk.

“I can say any bad words I want! I’m an adult-“ Jeongguk reminds the young boy, pointing his own finger at him to mirror his actions, “-and I’m the one that’s already lived our life! You don’t know what the real world is like and you need to stop acting like you know!”

“I do know!”

“You don’t see the big picture! All you’re seeing is sunshine and rainbows, and the world isn’t like that! You’re just a baby”

The accusation makes JK‘s lip quiver, “I’m not a baby!”

“You are! You’re a big baby, and you aren’t even real!” Jeongguk fights back, adding more insult to injury.

“Yes, I am!” JK cries back. He’s red in the face now, and his eyes fighting to hold back angry tears that have quickly formed. 

“No! You’re me! And sooner or later, you’re going to leave and it’s just going to be me! Exactly how it should always be! I don’t need you here!” Jeongguk says.

That seems to be what finally breaks the damn for JK. His tears finally fall, and all he can do is yell, “You’re mean! I don’t want to grow up to be like you! I don’t wanna be a meanie!”

“Then leave! Go! See if I care! I never asked for you to show up!” Jeongguk storms away, heading for his living room balcony to lock himself away. JK follows him, but the blonde closes the sliding door on him, sitting with his back against the glass and holding it shut.

“Jeongguk! I’m sorry, Jeongguk!” His little voice wavers with every apology, but it doesn’t reach outside. 

The eldest Jeongguk just throws his hands over his ears in an attempt to keep his thoughts to himself, tears of anger sliding down his own cheeks. He does his best to block out the light tapping against the glass, “I’m not a disappointment….I’m not a bum…I’m not a terrible person…”

“Jeongguk!” The little boy cries again. He doesn’t appreciate being ignored, and it starts to replace his sadness with anger. He stops his tapping with his hands long enough to wipe his eyes and blow his nose into his shirt, taking deep, labored breaths to stop his sobbing. 

Thinking about it, Jeongguk was right. He isn’t helping him. Not if he’s still being mean. He came to help himself, but he’s only made things worse. He doesn’t want himself anymore, and he can’t stay if Jeongguk doesn’t want him. So he slips on his little light up shoes - right on the left and left on the right - and runs off into the night. 

If he couldn’t do his job, then he’d have to go.

——

Jeongguk isn’t sure how anyone can do this. He doesn’t know how people can just manage their emotions, even at their lowest points. Yesterday, he thought everything would be fine, and now he’s back to where he was before JK showed up. Crying on his balcony and feeling sorry for himself.

But he doesn’t have a reason to feel sorry for himself, at least he doesn’t feel that way. He thought he’d feel better if he could just step away, but he just wants to cry more.

What kind of person yells at a child? Who just argues with a small human trying to help him? How do parents manage themselves and a tiny living being with their own rampant emotions? It’s impossible. It’s unimaginable.

And now he’s just an asshole who yelled at a child. Who said things he didn’t mean. Who said what he could to hurt them and then blocked them out. He left JK to cry on his own after yelling such awful things at him, and there was nothing he could do to take that back.

He can only hope that with enough time, JK will forgive him for how terrible of an older JK he truly is.

Jeongguk opens the door back into the apartment, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He doesn’t hear JK, only the sounds of the TV. But after the fight they just had, he’s probably hiding far away from him.

He probably would too.

Jeongguk turns off the TV, “JK? Where are you buddy?” He calls into the apartment. He checks around the living room furniture, but he doesn’t see him hiding anywhere. He even checks behind the kitchen island, but he’s not there. He turns down the hall to his room,  “Hey, I really want to talk to you.”

“JK, I know you’re upset with me! Trust me, I would be too…” Jeongguk mutters that last part to himself, “But I owe you an apology buddy.” He peaks into the bathroom, but JK isn’t shining under the sink or hiding in the bathtub. So Jeongguk continues down the hall, “There was no excuse for me to take my anger out on you. You don’t have to forgive me, but I want you to hear that what I did and said was wrong.”

“JK?” Jeongguk checks JK’s room, but everything looks the same. A little dirty, but fairly well kept. Only a stray toy here and there, but no obvious blanket piles where a child would be hiding. He checks under his bed and in his closet, but JK is still nowhere to be found. It’s starting to worry his older self, “JK?!”

Jeongguk rushes into his room, checking every hiding spot he can think of. But once again, there is no JK. He runs to check by the front door, opening the coat closet and other random storage, but there is no JK in sight. It’s by the door that Jeongguk notices the little house slippers he’d helped JK get on his feet only an hour or so ago are left unattended, his light up sneakers missing.

“Then leave! Go! See if I care! I never asked for you to show up!” He had yelled before barricading himself on the balcony. It echoes in the back of his head like a sick mantra, haunting him as he looks for the missing sneakers.

JK wouldn’t have really left, right? It’s so cold outside, and the rain will only make it colder. If JK really left, then did he take a coat? Where would he have gone? He could be anywhere. He could be with anyone.

Maybe he just went to the lobby.

Jeongguk slips on a pair of sneakers, not even bothering to lace them up before he runs out of his apartment with a jacket thrown over his shoulder. He all but breaks the elevator button, begging and pleading in his mind that it will come faster so he can confirm that JK is just sitting in the lobby. That JK didn’t leave on his own and is angrily waiting for Jeongguk to come and find him.

He’s just trying to scare him.

“JK!” Jeongguk yells, flying out of the elevator and almost knocking over a woman on her way up. He throws an apology over his shoulder, but he doesn’t stop to check on her. His focus is on surveying the lobby.

He runs to the bathroom, the gym, the pool, running in and checking every hiding place without a care in the world for who watches him, “JK! JK, where are you buddy?” 

He asks the front desk attendant if he’s seen him, but he shakes his head. He offers to call every tenant with an empathetic smile, but a smile isn’t going to help Jeongguk. Not if he can’t find JK. 

He runs outside under the awning and yells, “JK?!”

He’s out of breath, close to tears as he looks around. He waits, hoping to hear his voice, but no one yells back. Jeongguk doesn’t know what else to do, and there’s only one person he can think to call at a time like this.

“Yes, Jeongguk?” Jin answers.

“JK is missing!” Jeongguk shouts into the phone, not wasting any time.

“What?” Jin asks.

“He’s missing! We got into an argument and he ran off!” Jeongguk cries. He looks out into the dark night, watching the hard drops of water hit the pavement. JK is somewhere out in this rain all by himself or worse, and he has no clue where to look first. He can’t help but think about what led to this, and how this never would have happened if he could just handle himself like any other adult can! “This is all my fault! Me and my stupid mouth!”

“Okay, calm down.” Jin says. Jeongguk can hear him shuffling around on the other end of the line, “Did you check everywhere? Under the beds, the closets-?”

“I’ve looked everywhere in the apartment and around the building and he’s not here!” Jeongguk repeats, “I don’t know where he could have gone…”

“Okay, I’m getting my shoes on and I’ll be out soon to help you look for him, okay?” Jin asks, trying to assure Jeongguk that he’s not alone in this, “Did you call the others?”

“No! I called you first.” He answers.

“Okay, call the others and ask them to come help, okay? Now, do you remember what he was wearing last?” Jin asks, trying to calm Jeongguk down so he can get helpful answers out of him.

“Uh…” Jeongguk thinks back to the afternoon when he’d spilled water on himself and he had to change into the clothes he didn’t think he’d have to bring with them, “A green dinosaur shirt and black Nike pants!”

“Okay, good. We’re going to need to tell people who we’re looking for, okay? I’ll see you soon.” Jin hangs up the phone, calm and confident. But Jeongguk isn’t quite as confident anymore. Even so, Jeongguk trusts Jin to steer him in the right direction.

Jeongguk makes his calls, walking around the block in the process just to make sure JK isn’t too far from the building. He tells them everything he can, hoping to anything he can think of to help him find JK.

It doesn’t take long for everyone to show up, Yoongi Taehyung and Namjoon pulling beside him to hopefully coax him into the car and bring him back to the lobby of the complex. Jeongguk is soaked from head to toe from searching in the rain without an umbrella, but he’s still itching to get back into the rain and find JK at whatever cost it takes.

“Alright, I alerted the police already. They know we’re looking for a little boy with JK’s description, and they’re going to have the cars patrolling in this neighborhood look around as well.” Jin says, shoving his phone into his coat pocket.

“We should check local restaurants and stores.” Yoongi says, going through a list in his mind of the various locations JK has been to and has wanted to go to.

“We should also look at bus stops too.” Namjoon adds.

“Where have you checked so far Jeongguk?” Hoseok asks. They all turn to the actor, but his mind is somewhere else. He’s locked on a memory of a crying little boy, “Jeongguk!”

“What? Oh!” It takes Jeongguk a second to register the question, “I’ve checked every amenity in the building and the surrounding area, but I haven’t found him yet.”

“There are other apartment complexes in this area too. He might’ve gone inside one to get away from the rain.” Jimin suggests.

“Taehyung and I can go around and check the other apartments.” Hoseok says, claiming his search partner.

“Good.” Jin nods his approval. 

“He might get scared and turn around. I can stay here in case he comes back,” Namjoon offers, “I can check with the apartment security too and see if they have any cameras that might have seen JK.”

Yoongi pulls out his car keys and grabs onto Jimin’s jacket ready to go, “Jimin and I will check restaurants and stores nearby.”

Jin nods, “Jeongguk and I will keep going on foot and see if we find him hiding in a gazebo or something. If you hear anything, then send it to the group chat.”

Everyone takes off in their assigned directions, not wasting any time to get out and look. As soon as he gets the clear, Jeongguk is running off into the rain again. Jin is hot on his trail, his feet stomping behind the actor’s.

“JK!” Jeongguk yells, hands cupped around his mouth, “Jeongguk!” He scans the area for any movement or any brightly colored green shirts, but he doesn’t find anything. He coughs, his throat hurting from the yelling and winded from running, “Jeongguk, please! Answer me!”

“Jeongguk!” “Jin shouts behind him, struggling to keep up with him, “Jeongguk, stop!”

Jeongguk stops for only a Moment so Jin can catch up, “We have to keep going, hyung! I have to find him!”

“I know, but just stop for a second!” Jin pleads, barely holding onto the sleeve of the blonde’s jacket, “If you keep running like you are then you might miss him!” 

Jeongguk does as he’s asked, letting his body rest for a minute so he can look around him. He’s run quite a bit in a short amount of time, but there’s no telling how far JK’s gone in that same amount, “I can’t let him get even farther.”

“Stop going through the motions!” Jin scolds, “If you keep going through the motions, then you’re never going to see the big picture. You’ll only be blinded by the finish line and not the task at hand!”

Jin’s right. Jeongguk’s only been scanning the area around him. He hasn’t been looking-looking. He’s just hoping he’ll catch a glimpse, but if he keeps doing that then that glimpse is going to go right past him. 

He looks around the area they’re in again. They’ve walked through it once when Jeongguk was first trying to figure out what to do with JK. He’d brought JK to play so he could think about what he could do next, and about the lie he’d create until JK would disappear. He was thinking about the finish line and didn’t even pay attention to the task at hand.

Taking care of JK.

Jeongguk takes two steps back before turning around into a full sprint. He takes off through the park until he reaches the large play set he’s only seen one other time.

“It’s so big! Do you play here a lot?” JK had asked him, staring at the castle-like play set in awe..

Jeongguk only shrugged in response, “Not really. Big kids don’t play in kid’s castles.”

“Well, if I were as big as you, I’d live here instead.” He’d said.

He can only hope that this is where he went.

“JK? Are you here?!” Jeongguk asks, running through the lower parts of the playground. He checks under slides and in small alcoves with cut outs to wave to their parents, “JK, please! Where are you?! Please answer me!”

He turns his face to the sky, letting the cold droplets torment him. Through the trees he can see the vague light from the stars above him, and he can only wonder if JK can see them too.

“I’m sorry…” He whimpers, tearing up at the thought of never seeing JK again. Wondering just how scared and alone he’s feeling at the moment. All because of him. He wanted a chance to talk to himself and convince himself that their life wasn’t all that great, but it didn’t work. He only made a mess of things, and he wants to take it all back, “I never should have said those things to you, JK…I never should have yelled at you. I never should have shut you out. I never should have tried to change who you are….Who we are.”

Jeongguk lets out a choked sob, “I just want you to be okay…”

…

Achoo!

The sneeze is quiet, almost going unheard over the rain, but Jeongguk manages to pick it up. Then he hears another.

Achoo!

“JK…?” He mutters to himself. He hears a small sniffle in the same direction and follows it, climbing up a small rock climbing wall to get on the play set. He walks down the narrow walkway to follow the sounds he heard until he finally sees bright, colorful lights from JK’s light up shoes go off in a plastic tunnel up ahead, “JK!”

Jeongguk rushes to the tunnel, falling to the floor and finding the little boy laying down on his side out of the rain. He doesn’t move.

“JK! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Jeongguk asks, gently grabbing JK at the knees and pulling him into his arms. His clothes are just as soaked as Jeongguk’s, and his face is all red and puffy. Jeongguk puts a hand against his cheek and moves it to his forehead, “You’re freezing…Here-!” Jeongguk shrugs off the coat he put over his shoulder. The outside was soaked, but the inside is at least mostly dry and will warm him up until they get back to the apartment. He wraps it around him and zips it up to his puffy cheeks, “There you go. We’re gonna get you nice and warm, and then we can tell everyone you’re okay.”

JK looks at him, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t make any move of acknowledgement and it worries the actor.

“JK?” Jeongguk asks again, worried. He looks down to make sure the boy isn’t hurt, but all he sees are his sneakers on the wrong feet, “Your shoes are on the wrong feet. Do they hurt?” 

Silence.

“Let’s get these fixed and then we can go home.” Jeongguk says. He goes to remove his shoes, but JK moves his feet away from him.

“I don’t want to go home with you…” JK mutters, his little voice hoarse from all the crying and yelling he’d done, “You don’t love me.”

“What?! Of course I love you! You’re me!” Jeongguk reminds him. He moves a hand to cup JK’s cheek, “I was just upset earlier, that’s all.”

JK pushes his hand away, “You said I’m not real!”

“No! I mean- Yes, I did say that, but no! I was wrong. You are real. You’re every much a part of me as I am, okay?” Jeongguk asks. He places his hand on JK’s arm instead and gently rubs his hand up and down, “I got mad at someone else, and I took that out on you. I hurt you, and I had no excuse to do that. No matter how angry I was.”

That only seems to make whatever leftover tears the boy has fall down his cheeks, “I don’t want to grow into a mean adult! I want to be cool when I grow up.”

“You will. We will.” Jeongguk assures him, trying his best to comfort himself.

“But you’re mean-“ JK chokes on a sob, “-and you say things that hurt.”

“I know, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to apologize for how I’ve treated us enough.” Jeongguk admits, trying to keep himself from crying as well, “I promise you, that I am going to be so much better for the both of us.”

“Really?” JK asks. 

“Really.” Jeongguk nods. He adjusts JK on his lap and holds him tighter in an embrace, pressing their heads together, “I’m going to stop being a big old meanie pants and I’m going to get help. I’m going to rely on my friends and I’m going to make sure our job and what we do is actually fun and I’m going to be nicer.”

This seems to appease the little boy, and his sobs seem to calm down. But it’s still not quite enough, “And-…?”

“And what?” Jeongguk asks, curious as to what he could have missed.

“Aren’t you going to love yourself too?” JK asks, as if that itself is the most obvious question in the world.

And it is.

Jeongguk pulls back and moves them into a hug, “I will…I will do better to love myself. And I’ll do it because you reminded me what it’s like to be me. I’m grown now, but I don’t need to stop enjoying the simple things in life. I can still have childish fun! I know this because you reminded me.”

“But you said you don’t need me.” JK reminds him, playing with his hands inside of the coat Jeongguk put on him.

Jeongguk pulls away to look the little boy in the eye, “I was wrong. I was so terribly, and incredibly wrong to think that I don’t need you!” Jeongguk assures him. He pulls him into another hug and squeezes him tight, “I think I’ve needed you for a long time.”

“You mean it?”

“I do.” The blonde nods, “I promise that I’m going to make today up to you. We’re going to have so much fun this week, and you don’t have to forgive me for anything. I just need you to know that I need you.”

“I need you too…” JK smiles, happy to have finally helped.

*

*

*

After all was said and done the other night, the others didn’t scold Jeongguk too much. All things considered, the actor learned his lesson in how to talk to children fairly well. They mostly spent their time that night drying their clothes and making sure JK was warm, fed, and happy.

He did end up running a fever that next day, and Jeongguk stayed by him all day. He made sure he took his medicine on time, made sure he wasn’t bored, and even made sure he slept well. 

Of course, they had to deal with the repercussions of the article. But Jeongguk was more than happy to come forward with the truth. He came clean and told everyone of his struggles and why he felt the need to turn to something so harmful to him. He detailed how the problem stemmed from his need to be perfect at everything, and that was silly because no one could be perfect at everything.

He asked that everyone respect his privacy on the matter, but that he was definitely seeking help and turning it all around. He even talked about funding a program in the future to help those struggling with addiction. The media seemed to take it well enough, but his current show did not.

They dropped him.

But there would be more opportunities. Leaving this one would only ensure that he could take the time he needs to heal himself. Both him and his younger self. That’s probably why he’s found himself climbing through a half shut gate after his hyungs.

“Are we allowed to be here, Taehyung?” Namjoon asks, eyeing the barely open gate wearily.

The photographer only nods, “It’s public property.”

“Public property doesn’t usually have a lock.” Jin comments, standing beside Namjoon debating what would be best to tell his lawyer.

“Will you guys just live a little?” Taehyung groans. He lifts up his camera and takes a candid shot, throwing his arms into the air and spinning in the open area of the rooftop, “This spot is great for a photoshoot!”

Yoongi sighs, “If the police get called, just remember we don’t have to run fast. Just faster than him.” He decides against slipping through the crack in the chain, and instead climbs up and over the fence.

Namjoon and Jin share another look, but they’re outnumbered. Everyone else is already either inside the gate or squeezing their way in. Someone would have to make sure there’s no way they get arrested.

The rooftop itself is secluded, but there’s a few old mattresses thrown around. Some older magazines litter the area around it, and a few crates that are turned over as if they’ve been used as chairs.

“Have you been up here before?” Hoseok asks

“I told you guys, this is public property despite what you may think.” Taehyung teases, “I just thought it would be nice up here, don’t you?”

“You can see everything up here!” JK cheers, looking at the area around him. He spots something in the distance and takes off for the edge, Jeongguk quickly running after him before he can make it to the edge, “Look! We live over there!”

“Yeah! We sure do!” Jeongguk agrees, his hands holding tight onto the little boy’s shoulder. He pulls him closer to his front and slowly takes a few steps back with him, “Let’s stay away from the edge though, okay?”

JK nods, “Okay.”

“So, Director Taehyung~“ Jimin teases, turning to his friend, “Where do you want us?”

Taehyung sighs, a cheeky smile on his face, “I thought you guys would never ask.”

Their photoshoot is mostly candid shots. Taehyung will explain what he wants them to do, and then he’ll just let them do whatever while he takes their photos. Sometimes he’ll even set his camera to record and hop in with them, planning to take stills afterwards in his studio. It’s not much different from normal photo shoots with him, but it’s much more relaxed up on the rooftop.

Everyone works to incorporate JK into the shots as well. They all take turns posing with him, helping him understand what Taehyung asks, and just having fun with him in general. Jeongguk and JK definitely get quite a few shots together.

Individual shots are definitely much more lax with just them. They all cheer and holler, hyping up the person posing. They make suggestions, and cheer even louder when their suggestions are taken. Even Taehyung gets some photos of his own - courtesy of Jimin. Though, no one had more cheers than JK.

Jeongguk’s were definitely something. The others were taking him all over, fawning over his poses and his expressions. But his favorite pose had to have been on the crate.

Taehyung had brought one over - near the edge of the building but not too close and asked him to hop up, “I want you to pretend as though you’re weightless.” Taehyung had said.

Weightless.

Jeongguk hasn’t known what weightless feels like in a long time. 

Standing on the crate, he put his arms up like a bird and tried to imagine what weightless might feel like. Maybe like a breath of fresh air? Maybe it’s like seeing the finished product for something you worked hard on? Maybe weightless is as simple as eating your favorite food? There are so many possibilities but no one seems like the only answer. 

But there’s a part of him that thinks of the most recent fun he’s had. Going out with his friends, being himself, enjoying time with JK…those all make his heart skip a beat. Not in the “love butterflies” kind of way, but the “happiness butterflies” in a sense. This butterflies you get when you’re just content with where you are, and it makes you so happy that it makes your stomach flutter.

Maybe that’s weightless. 

Maybe that’s what helps him feel like he’s weightless.

Maybe he’d never really know the answer.

But maybe he doesn’t need to.

Thankfully, by the time their photoshoot is over, no one gets arrested. As a reward, Jin suggests they all leave to get ice cream. Of course, with JK being on board, no one is against it.

The little boy happily eats away at his sunday, watching Taehyung click through picture after picture. Both of them - the child and the even bigger child - are content to sit at their own table.

Jin sits down between Jeongguk and Yoongi and sighs, “You know, I’m gonna miss having JK around when his parents get back.”

Hoseok scoffs from the other side of the table, “I bet they’re going to miss all that alone time!”

Jimin laughs, “What are you going to do with all of that free time you get, Jeongguk?” He asks.

The blonde shrugs, “Maybe I’ll try a new hobby…” He stares down at his ice cream, moving it around with his spoon. He hasn’t thought too much about his plans from here, but maybe that’s because he already has an idea in the back of his mind, “I do like the idea of starting an organization.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Yoongi agrees, “It might be healing in more ways than one.”

Jeongguk nods and turns to look at his younger self chatting with Taehyung, “Yeah…but I’m going to miss having him around…”  

JK has easily become a constant in JK’s life in the short amount of time that he’s been with him. He’s grown used to his younger self, even if his getting there wasn’t the most ideal. But the knowledge that JK won’t be there forever still haunts him. Part of him is worried that after he leaves he’ll go back to the way he was before. Another part of him doesn’t want him to leave at all. But if the universe brought him here without his acceptance, then it would take him away too.

Jeongguk sighs, “I’ll just enjoy however many days I have left with him.”

—-

Later that night, Jeongguk is laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. Next to his head, his phone plays a soft instrumental. He feels calm and at peace. He just feels so much better than he did weeks ago.

“Jeongguk…?”

Jeongguk sits up on his elbow, finding the boy standing in the doorway with the large plush bunny that Yoongi swears Jimin bought him, “Yeah, buddy?”

“Can I sleep with you?” JK asks.

“Sure.” Jeongguk moves the blankets off of his lap, allowing the boy to climb into the bed next to the blonde so he can tuck him in, “There you go. Are you warm?”

JK nods, “Mhm…”

“Can’t sleep?” Jeongguk asks, laying down next to his younger self and his bunny. The boy shakes his head and Jeongguk reaches out to rub his arm, “What’s bothering you?”

JK shrugs, squeezing his bunny closer, “Are you happy now?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m happy. Why?” Jeongguk asks. JK doesn’t answer, and Jeongguk worries that he’s thinking back to their fight, “Are you still thinking about what I said to you when I was mad?”

The boy shakes his head, “No, I know you didn’t mean it…I just want to know you’ll be okay.”

“Of course I will! Why wouldn’t I be?” Jeongguk asks.

“Well…” JK trails off, looking from his older self to the window, “You’re happy now. Now that you’re happy, I have to leave.”

This takes Jeongguk by surprise, “What?” He knew that JK wouldn’t be able to stay forever, but this is so sudden, “What do you mean you have to leave soon?”

“Because you’re happy again!” JK repeats, “My job is almost done.”

“Your job?” Jeongguk asks, confused.

JK nods, “I was sent to make you happy again. So you could talk to me and bring out your inner child.”

“My inner child?” Jeongguk repeats, “You?”

JK smiles, “Mhm! You haven’t seen me in a really long time.” 

“Wait-!” Jeongguk sits up, “-you’ve known this whole time? Why didn’t you say anything?”

JK shrugs, “They told me not to.”

“They?”

“The stars.” JK says, pointing out the window, “They said you were really sad and that you wanted to talk to me,” He explains, “They didn’t tell me how sad you’d be though.”

It’s hard to believe, but it makes more sense than someone conditioning their child - who looks suspiciously like him - to know everything about him. It would explain why he just randomly showed up one night, and Jeongguk has a suspicion that it had to do with one of his drunk escapades.

“So, you really were sent to help me…” 

“Mhm! And now my job’s done…” JK says again. Although the young boy seems proud, he seems almost sad. Like he doesn’t want to go.

Jeongguk lays back down and moves an arm under JK to rub his back, “Well, I’m happy that we met each other.” He leans in close to JK and smiles, cupping a hand over his mouth to whisper to him, “Do you have to go?”

“I do, but I won’t be gone-gone.” He whispers back, giggling at the secrecy from the universe. He lets go of his bunny just long enough to poke Jeongguk’s chest,  “I’m right here.”

“In my heart?” Jeongguk asks.

JK devolves into a fit of giggles, “In you, silly!”

“Yes, yes! Silly me.” The blonde agrees, laughing to himself. He’d miss that giggle of his…

JK pokes the blonde’s chest again, “Jeongguk?” 

“Yes, Jeongguk?” He answers playfully.

But the little boy is only slightly amused, “Please go and see, Mom. She’s worried about us. About you…” Jeongguk tilts his head, as if asking how he knows and JK hides his face in his plush,  “I heard Jin talking to her on the phone after your talk with the news people.”

It’d been awhile since Jeongguk last spoke to his Mom and actually meant to talk to her. Years since the last meaningful conversation he had with her. He used to talk to her all the time, and then once a week, and then once a month, until he only ever called to please her. It wasn’t that she was overbearing or demanding, but because he could tell she was worried about him. And he couldn’t worry her or burden her with his failures.

But a good talk with his mother is long overdue.

“I will.” Jeongguk promises, taking JK’s smaller pinky in his bigger one, “I’m going to turn it all around. For us.”

“Can I hold your hand before I go?” JK asks. His voice is small, and though he may be trying to hide it, Jeongguk can hear the waver in his voice.

He releases the boy’s pinky in exchange for his hand, squeezing it lightly for comfort - and not just for the boy, “You can always hold my hand.” 

JK nods and closes his eyes, resting his head on top of the plush where JK can see him more clearly. Jeongguk watches him for a minute, taking in how he looks now so he can remember this Moment for as long as his memory will let him. An opportunity like this doesn’t come to everyone, but he’ll be damned if he wastes his more than he has.

He almost doesn’t want to close his eyes, afraid that if he blinks, that JK will just disappear. But it seems JK can sense that as well.

“Jeongguk?” JK mumbles, eyes still closed. The blonde hums in response, rubbing his thumb over the back of the boy’s hand. JK smiles,  “I’m really happy I met you too.”

It’s an unspoken goodbye, one that says I’m leaving, but I won’t go very far. It’s comforting. It encourages Jeongguk to let his eyes close and just enjoy what he has right now. 

Maybe if he’s lucky, they can dream together.

*

*

*

The morning light shines through the open curtains of Jeongguk’s room, the morning breeze drifting in from his bedroom balcony. It’s been left open, as if someone had snuck in in the middle of the night and left it open. The breeze is chilly, but it feels refreshing.

Rejuvenating.

Jeongguk slowly opens his eyes, blinking once - twice - as he tries to get a grip on his surroundings. There’s a weight in his arms, and looking down, he sees the plush that JK had brought to bed with him.

No JK.

Jeongguk sits up in his bed, lifting his hands to his face to rub the sleep from his eyes. Only, he doesn’t truly feel tired. He feels almost as if he’s already eaten breakfast and showered. He feels like someone came in and washed him over in his sleep.

He leaves his bed, leaving the bunny tangled in his sheets. He stops by JK’s room just to double check, but no JK. The bathroom is wide open and clear when he walks by, and the living room and kitchen are free of any sign of the boy. A sense of worry doesn’t fill him this time, however. Instead, Jeongguk feels a sense of understanding. Like, JK not being there is exactly as it should be. 

Jeongguk walks by a decorative mirror and stops, spotting something different in the mirror. His hair is no longer the blonde that he had bleached it, but light brown. It’s like mix between his old blonde and JK’s dark brown. It’s almost as if the two mixed together in the night, and created a new person to continue on.

In a way, Jeongguk does kind of feel brand new. 

The weight that’s been sitting on his shoulders is gone. It no longer weighs over him, waiting for him to slip up so it can crush him. No, it’s been lifted like balloons released into the sky. He feels as though he could do anything.

But there’s only one thing that Jeongguk can think to do at this moment.

He goes back to his room and digs his phone out of his sheets. He scrolls through his apps before finding exactly what he’s looking for, bringing it to his ear and waiting.

“Hello?” A woman’s groggy voice answers, still half asleep.

“Mom. It’s me, Jeongguk.” He answers, “Do you have time to talk?”

Maybe he would never be perfect. 

Maybe he’ll never get another opportunity.

But at least he’ll have himself and what’s important to him.

And that’s all that truly matters.

[hyenahunt]

Solid: Dark Clouds on the Horizon - 5

Writer: Nishioka Maiko

Season: Summer

Characters: Hiyori, Ibara, Nagisa, Jun

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP) & Skyress + hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: hyenahunt & Mirei

Jun: (Agh—! Shit! I'm gonna crash into Ohii-san!?)

Location: TV Station Stage

Time: Several days later, during a recording for a music program

Hiyori: "Now, this next song will be performed on TV for the very first time!"

Ibara: “Indeed. We've performed it once before during a live, and it was received very well by fans. As such, we've decided to perform it on TV today as well.”

Nagisa: “...I quite like this song myself.”

Hiyori: "If I recall, Jun-kun, you've said you like this song too, haven't you?"

Jun: "......"

Hiyori: "Jun-kun? Jun-kun! Are you listening?"

Jun: "Huh? Sorry? What'd you say...?"

Hiyori: "Goodness! As I was saying, I believe you mentioned liking this song too! What's got your head in the clouds?"

Jun: "A-Ahaha. I'm just thinking about my workout routine for when we get back..."

Hiyori: "Again? How I do wish you'd give that a break!"

"Keep thinking so hard about working out and even your brain will turn into ... Ahaha ☆ Oh, pardon me! Jun-kun, your brain has already turned into muscle, hasn't it!"

Jun: "I'm gonna get you back for that later, Ohii-san..."

"Well, never mind him for now. That's right, I'm a big fan of this song, too."

"The dance was pretty tough, though. I remember the trainer giving me loads of pointers since we only had one shot at its debut, with it being live and all."

Nagisa: “...Ah, is that so? Was the dance that difficult?”

Jun: “'Course it was no sweat for you, Nagi-senpai... I mean, you're the kinda guy who can do anything."

Ibara: "Your Excellency. The tempo of this song is quite fast, so that alone would make the choreography difficult by normal standards. Of course, this was all intentional."

Nagisa: "...I see. So that is how it is. It must have been quite a challenge for you, Jun."

Jun: "Mgh... Your sympathy's only making me feel worse so I'd rather you give it a break..."

Hiyori: Fufu ♪ Looks like Nagisa-kun's got Jun-kun beat here!

"Hm? Ah, it's about time for us to be on standby!"

Nagisa: “Well then, everyone. Shall we head for the stage?”

Jun: ......

Ibara: (whispering) Jun.

Jun: (whispering) Huh? What's the matter?

Ibara: (whispering) I should be the one asking you.

(whispering) Is there something wrong with you, Jun? You were zoning out all throughout the talk segment. Are you not feeling well?

Jun: (whispering) Woah. So even you've got in you to worry 'bout others sometimes, huh, Ibara?

Ibara: (whispering) Kindly spare me the jokes.

(whispering) You said it yourself earlier that this song is relatively difficult, didn’t you? You must focus. It's the real deal from now on, you know?

Jun: (whispering) I know, I know. It's fine, I'll pull it off.

Ibara: (whispering) If you say so...

Jun: (Umm... Where's the stage mark... Right, here it is.)

(Breathe in... Breathe out...)

(I've got this. I'll manage everything just fine.)

Nagisa: "♪~♪~♪~"

Ibara: "♪~"

Hiyori: "♪~♪~♪~"

Jun: "♪~♪~"

(Alright! I didn't mess up the dance just now, and I've got the lyrics down.)

Nagisa: "♪~♪~"

Hiyori: "♪~♪~♪~"

Jun: (Let's see... This isn't the full version, but the shorter one meant for TV instead, so after the A-section is the interlude where we'll do the final chorus.)

(There we go. I am getting through this. Just goes to show how much I've practiced.)

(Once we get to the interlude, the choreo's gonna get faster. This is where we really get to show off.)

(Alright, now for the next position...!)

Ibara: ! Jun, you're too far forward!

Jun: (Agh—! Shit! I'm gonna crash into Ohii-san!?)

Hiyori: ! Ouch!? J-Jun-kun...!?

Location: Backstage

Jun: I'm so sorry...!

Hiyori: Jun-kun, just what is the matter with you?

Well, at least today wasn't a live broadcast, so we managed to reshoot without any further issues. All the same, Jun-kun, you're not quite yourself today, are you?

Ibara: As Eden, we rarely make mistakes, and the industry has great trust in us because of that. That's why even the staff were concerned, you understand?

Nagisa: …...

Hiyori: That's right! You got them all worried you're not feeling well!

Jun: No, I'm feeling fine. It's just......

I've only got my own carelessness to blame for this... I'm very sorry.

Hiyori: It's all water under the bridge. If you only ever look back on your worries and regrets, you'll be blind to the future.

Now, just be sure to not make the same mistake again, and face what's to come instead! That would be fine weather ♪

Jun: Ahaha... You're right. I'll be careful.

Ibara: ......

✦✦✦✦✦

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[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

[fu-aki]

Chapter 5

So this is going to be my attempt to summarize part 1 of the beginning part of chapter 5 (episode 1 to 21) of twisted wonderland.

Again, spoiler alert since I’m about to write out everything that happened, and I apologize for my grammar and horrible French in advance.

 You heard someone singing -> it was the scenes from snow white when the evil queen asks the mirror on the wall and snow white singing into the well  -> player choice: a beautiful women was watching from the window…/ I felt like I’ve meet that beautiful person before… -> you woke up from dream -> in the main street, you meet up with Ace and Deuce -> after seeing the statue you realized you’ve seen them in your dreams before

In classroom -> Ace felt it wasn’t weird to have dreams like that when you see those statues everyday -> you mentioned about in your dream “mickey” appeared in the mirror -> Ace and Deuce never heard of that name before -> Ace suggest to take a photo of it with the “ghost camera” you got from Crowley since it can even take pictures of ghosts

Crewel showed up and explained about “nationwide sorcerer training school culture festival” -> it’s a 2 day event with representative students from all the sorcerer training school, a festival with speeches and debates all about magic related music & art topics -> for NRC, all the 4th year students will be send all across country for internship and research study -> they will all come back on that day to share their experience and result -> end of the homeroom -> fight Crewel for the defense magic class

In the dorm leader meeting -> Malleus is not there again -> Lilia mentions how he couldn’t find Malleus anymore after class so he’s here instead -> Idia questions if Malleus is missing meetings on purpose -> Lilia talked about how fairies feels time different from humans, and how Malleus have some troublesome karma on him as well

The meeting starts -> Riddle started reporting everything about the event -> but the “vocal & dance championship” has surprising amount of media focused on it -> Riddle was surprised since he thought it was just a chorus competition -> because of the time change and consideration for different types of music, now it includes singing, dancing, and performance -> and because of how popular it got, it becomes one chance for students to professionally debut -> and now it’s getting extra notice because the famous influencer Vil and Neige are in it -> Lilia commented how Neige is getting really popular online and on TV -> Idia surprised that people in Diasomnia actually go online -> Lilia “kuhuhu, of course, we are still just students in high school, we watch dramas and play games.” -> Crowley “Vila and Neige, 2 world known famous celebrity are going to appear in VDC, it won’t be an exaggeration to call it the highest degree of attention we are going to get in this event.” -> Crowley ask Riddle to make preparation in case of troubles -> Azul offered to help since he learned all about it from magic shift event -> Leona “hey octopus bastard… do you want your flappy tongue to turn into dried food or what?” -> Azul “oh my how scary” -> Riddle refused Azul’s help since he don’t want Azul ask for something later -> Kalim “just tell us if something is bothering you, we’ll help you anytime.”

-> Kalim “I can’t wait for the day of festival~!” ->  Idia “sign~~~… the popular guys just looks so happy everyday. I had to think about the day to announce our research result… if I just step on stage, everyone would be like ‘hey isn’t his hair burning?’ ‘could he be Shroud family’s…’ ‘what kind of dark research is he doing?’ aah I can’t… for person like me to do a speech on stage is just challenge level EX.” -> Riddle mentioned how the rules said student have to go on stage themselves and offer to train Idia for speech after school -> Idia said he’ll manage something himself (whispering) “I really don’t wanna have a farming event with demonic trainer Riddle.” -> end of meeting

In Vil’s room -> Vil “Mira, Mira” -> Mira “what can I help you with?” -> Vil “who is the fairest of them all right now?” -> Mira “the account with the most mention of fair in web currently is… Neige.” -> Vil “Neige…! Finally… this time have arrived.” -> Mira “sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you. Could you please repeat what you said?”

Few days later in cafeteria -> Ace, Deuce, Grim, and you saw the poster for the VDC audition -> the reward for wining the championship is 5 million Madollar to spilt among the members -> Crowley popped up and explained many corporation sponsored this event -> Grim wanted to join for the money so he can buy tuna cans

The song for audition is “piece of my world” -> Ace wanted to try so if he got accepted he don’t need to help set up the places anymore -> Deuce wanted the reward money to help his family -> but he never did singing or dancing before so he didn’t want to join ->

In courtyard you heard someone singing beautifully -> you saw Epel ->Deuce remembered the time he bumped into Epel last chapter -> He asked Epel why is he practice singing here -> it was because Vil told Epel to practice singing to the well so Epel can hear his voice clearly -> Deuce “does Pomefiore have some rules where you have to be good at singing?” -> it was because Epel has to take the audition for VDC and practice for a more lovely voice -> Epel (whisper) “event like that should just disappear…” -> “oh my Epel, are you skipping practice and talking with pigeons now?” -> it was Vil -> Grim “that guy’s leg looks like it’s 1 meter longer than MC’s!” -> Vil “there’s only 2 month left till VDC, Epel have no times play with muddy potatoes like you people.” -> “Epel, you too, if this keep going on you won’t be able to become the ‘red poisoned apple’ let’s go.” -> Epel “…But I actully don’t!” -> Vil “did you forgot the promise with me? Just come here already.” -> Ace and Grim was pretty mad and wanted to fight -> Vil “It’s not bad for a walk after meal. Come at me, I’ll make you into mashed potato.” -> fight time -> you are beat up by Vil -> and he only gives you 5/100 for the fight since you lacked the beauty when fighting -> Epel has to go back with Vil and Vil mentioned how it ends up like this because Epel skipped practice in break

The next day -> Deuce decided to try the audition -> so if they are accepted, Epel might got eliminated and don’t need to practice anymore -> Deuce “as a honor student, I can’t just watch him being forced into the things he don’t like.” -> Ace “I don’t think it’s very honor student of you to call yourself honor student.” -> dance practice time

Kalim and Jamil showed up practice for audition too -> Kalim “honestly you guys are pretty bad at this, you look like a panicked elephant trying to stand on 2 legs! Ahhaha!” -> Deuce “man this really hurts when he’s not even try to be mean.” -> Ace asked Jamil to teach them how to dance -> Kalim “oh sure! Jamil is really good at singing.” -> Jamil “why are you replying for me! … well it is also review for me when I’m teaching someone, fine I’ll do it.” -> teaching time -> Kalim “hey, how about we practice together tomorrow too? Jamil is really good at singing, we’ll show you.” -> Jamil “! You just decided that yourself too…!” -> Kalim “it’ll be fine, besides isn’t it more fun when you have more people for dancing, singing, or partying?” -> Jamil “fine, just don’t expect me to be so kind.” -> Jamil “for now, let’s just clean up, take some mops from the storage room -> Deuce, Ace, Kalim “okay.” -> Jamil “Kalim, you don’t have to do it… sigh.”

Azul showed up -> Grim mentioned how Jamil’s evil plan was streamed worldwide last chapter.” -> Azul “why do you think the merciful me would end my classmate societal life like that?” -> Jamil “…you would.” -> that day Azul was just on phone with Jade -> Azul “different from Leona, I don’t have an interest to beat down someone more than necessary, besides it’s a secret that I’ve finally got, I won’t do anything to make the price fall like that.” -> Jamil “hate to say it, but thanks to Azul’s mercifulness, my parents and Asim family didn’t know the real reason I overblot. But the dorm students…”

Flashback -> Scarabia students questioned why Kalim don’t change the vice dorm leader after what happened

-> Kalim “are you guys worried about me? Thank you! But… he was not the only one wrong this time, I’m also at fault. Besides, is there anyone in Scarabia that have not received help from Jamil?” -> student “that, that is true… if there’s something going wrong we would always just ask him…” -> Kalim “I know right? He is an excellent vice dorm leader. A lot better than me, the dorm leader. His judgements might be clouded back then, but he is still great at his work. He did try to expel me by manipulating you guys but… up till that incident, he has never hurt me even once before. He has many chances to do other much more horrible things to me, but he didn’t. Not once, in 17 years. I won’t call him a good guy but… it’s hard to explain but would you please give us more times?” -> students “…if that’s what you said so…” -> Jamil “…”  -> end of flashback -> Jamil “the chance I had for holiday was once in a lifetime, thought my life would be over if I failed, but in the end it didn’t change that much… surely something to be ‘grateful’ for. So unless I’m fired by Kalim, I’ll continue to serve him. And I’ll continue to show everyone how useful I am.” -> Grim “Jamil… your character really changed a lot after the holiday.” -> Azul “if you are fired by Kalim, Octavinelle will always welcome people like you with open arms.” -> Jamil “thank you for the offer, but no matter what happened I would never go to Octavinelle.” -> Kalim “Hey you guys~ if we don’t head out soon we are gonna be late for class!”

3 days later -> everyone is getting better at dancing and singing -> Jamil reminded them to sign up for audition with Rook in class 3-A -> Grim saw Leona and called out to him -> Leona: angry lion noises -> Grim asked where is Rook Hunt -> Leona “why are you trying to find that weird guy.” -> Rook suddenly popped up from behind -> Rook “hahaha, did I surprised you? Pardon. Conceal my footstep sound was a habit I had. I am Rook Hunt. The hunter of love that set his life theme as looking for beauty, helping beauty.” -> Leona “tsk, there it is, that weird guy.” -> Rook asked where is monsieur dandelion -> Leona “no way we are together 24/7, just take those herbivores and go.” -> Deuce questioned who is monsieur dandelion -> it was Ruggie -> the reason why Rook calls him that is because last spring, Rook saw Ruggie picking dandelion in the sports field. Ruggie plans to eat those since his budget is a little tight this month -> so Rook calls him monsieur dandelion out of respect -> Leona “that guy… is he really fine with eating everything that’s not rotten? He didn’t make me eat dandelions too, right…?” -> Rook “non non, it’s not poison, it’s not good to be picky like that lord lion.” -> Ace brought up the audition for VDC, we almost forgot about that because of what happened -> Rook “I apologize, so you guys are, human species Ace Trappola, height 172cm, from class 1-A with student number 25. Human species Deuce Spade, height 173cm, from the same class 1-A with student number 24. And human species MC with demon beast species Grim, height 70cm. right?”

-> Deuce “how did you know our class and student number!?” -> Ace “and even height too!?” -> Rook “huhuhu. As a hunter, I have to at least know the species and heights about the students.” -> there’s no need to write anything to sign up, you only need to show up to the audition 3 days later in Pomefiore’s ballroom -> Rook ask why don’t Leona try for the auditions too -> Leona “who would go to a game event like that, besides, that annoying Vil is also there. I would never go.” -> Rook “the Vil with the beauty of metropolis, and Leona kun with the beauty of wilderness. If both of you dances and sings together it would definitely be beautiful. The competition between different types of beauty, it’s just tres bien!” -> Leona “this guy really doesn’t listen to other people at all…”

3 days later -> in Pomrfiore dorm lounge, you saw around 50 students who’s also trying for audition -> Cater was also one of it -> since he wanted to go to the event with the famous celebrity Vil -> Ace “isn’t that reason a little too light hearted?” -> Cater “really? I thought everyone is like that, I mean look.”

-> pointed at Ruggie who’s clearly here for money -> Lilia popped up again -> you recognized him as the person who handed you the holiday card -> Grim “he wasn’t the sender?” -> Lilia “the initials are different from mine right?” -> Lilia is here since he’s in light music club and it just makes sense for him to try -> he tried to invite Malleus too but he said he don’t want it to become the exhibition of some kind so he refused -> Lilia “that guy is kind of shy” -> Cater “I feels like that’s a little bit different from shy…” -> Lilia asked why didn’t Cater brought Trey along -> Cater tried but Trey has to help Riddle with all the works

they saw Ortho by himself for audition too and was surprised -> Ace commented on how Ortho looks like an elementary school student -> Cater said Ortho is accepted into this school with Idia, and they always take classes together -> Grim “how much of a brothercon is Idia…” ->Ortho “don’t talk bad on my brother!” -> Ortho explained how everything was approved by the principals, and is not like Idia brought him just because he’s lonely by himself -> Cater “sorry sorry, we kinda got to excited while talking about it since the Shroud brother is like the 7 mysteries of this school.” -> Ortho “I want to apologize for getting too upset as well, I just don’t want you to misunderstand my brother…” -> Cater asked if Ortho is also here for audition -> flashback -> basically Idia made a software with his voice to read out everything he typed -> for the speech since he just can’t talk in front of everyone -> but Idia also got pretty interested in the sound editing world -> Idia “since virtual idol is getting popular, should I put vocal synthesizer in Ortho too?” -> Ortho “sounds fun! I wanted to sing too.” ->Idia “alright~ let big brother handle everything.” -> so to test how far the vocal synthesizer can go, Ortho is here to take the audition -> Ace was surprised that they can just make singing sounds from programs -> Cater said those got quite popular and he likes it too, and wanted to show Grim a video of it -> there was an ad

Neige is promoting in the ad -> Cater mentioned how popular he is getting -> Vil, Rook, and Epel kicked in with sparkling effects -> Vil started introducing himself and explains how he will be the producer for the members appears in VDC

Auditions starts -> Ruggie sung and danced

-> Rook “monsieur dandelion. Such a light step and bright smile. With manliness and loveliness combined perfectly. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “his way of moving isn’t bad, but his dancing and singing is still messy… next!”

Cater -> Rook “monsieur magcam. Your voice sounds just like the elegant sparkling diamond! I wanted to listen to it forever. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “singing and dancing wasn’t bad, but I can’t feel any passions… next!”

Lilia -> Rook “monsieur curiosity. Such a lovely form and singing voice with an alluring aura… Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “I don’t know why… but I can’t feel any freshness of a high school student from Lilia. Next!”

Ortho -> Rook “monsieur doll. What a brand-new style…! Your robot dance and singing voice, will be sculpted into my eyes. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “no matter how genre-less this event is, there’s a limit… next!”

Kalim -> Rook “lord gold! Your dance were just like the breeze that blow through the hot sand! And the singing that make me felt like flying. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “hmm, it’s a little bit better than the vegetables that’s just rolling around.”

Jamil -> Rook “monsieur mulch. As expected… I can feel your buring soul underneath your cool mask! Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “not bad, he’s the most normal one out of all of them.”

Epel -> Rook “monsieur crabapple. So lovely! Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “that kid, misstep again, no matter how good was his rehearse, it would be meaningless if he can’t do good in the real deal. Also, Rook. aren’t you giving out nothing but 100 points? Are you judging seriously?” -> Rook “of course, but it’s so hard to pick a first when everyone are so wonderful. There’s beauty in the neatness, and there’s also beauty in the twisted. Don’t you think so?” -> last group -> Ace, Deuce, and Grim -> Rook “…I see I see.” -> end of the audition -> result will come out tomorrow -> Rook recommend the trio to Vil

Next day, Ace, Deuce, Grim just got off from class -> suddenly an arrow flies across barely missed Deuce’s nose -> Ace realized there’s a piece of paper on the arrow -> Deuce “what!? Is it a challenge to fight!?” -> Ace “stop connect everything to a fight, let me see…” -> both Ace and Deuce are accepted -> you are also asked to go with those two

You all headed towards Pomefiore -> you saw both Kalim and Jamil -> they are accepted as well -> but after going in Pomefiore, students keep showing up asking for fight -> finally you arrived to the ballroom

-> Vil showed up with sparkling effects again -> apparently the students are fighting with you because you are accepted members, it was a warm up Vil prepared for all of you so he can start the lesson right away -> Vil “listen up, start from now on we would be the representation for NRC, and aim for the first place in the VDC. The members that can’t even win a fight like that is not needed. The battle has already started and all of you should be prepared to be whipped to shape!” -> Kalim “I don’t really understand but okay!” -> Grim asks why are him and you here when you are not accepted -> Crowley showed up and explained, in order to practice for the team work, all of the members will live together in Ramshakle dorm -> Grim wanted to refuse -> but Vil and Rook said they will give you all of their reward money since their goal in this event is not money -> which is around 1.42 million -> you decided to accept the deal after all ->Vil “now let’s start the lesson!” -> Ace “I thought the lesson starts when we starts living together?” -> Vil “don’t get a big head, new potato number 1. You are still an amateur at singing and dancing, we can’t waste a single minute.” -> practice time.

 End of this update.

Oh man it tooks me a whole entire day to do this… and to think this is just like part a of part1. The chapters are getting so much longer…

I Honestly felt like I missed up half of Rook’s nicknames since I don’t know French at all, basically got everything from google so please correct me if I’m wrong.

Also, Rook’s nickname for Epel is kinda weird, he call Epel hime ringo which directly translate to princess apple, but it is also a type of apple. In English it’s called crabapple, which kind of feels different then the Japanese text.

Can I just say I love the fact that we can fight Crewel now? And I just love how he call us zasshu while fighting, it probably referenced to like mixed blood dogs and all but it only reminds me of Gilgamesh lol.

Ahhh I really want Crewel to slap me.

[sweetkyu]

blue | sunwoo

genre: angst, fluff.

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol.

word count: 3.7k

n/a: i was inspired by some of jaden's songs to write this fic, this is the first time i post something so be kind hehe

i lost the count of how long i was standing in the middle of my living room, watching the rain fall down through the balcony door, holding onto my cup of chamomile tea with both hands. my mind had already given all the laps around the world as i just stood there. eyes locked to the world outside. empty head, no thoughts. nothing but kim sunwoo breaking into tears when i decided to end our relationship, three months ago. every day has been painful and sorrowful like this, since then. of course sometimes i can manage to just take a deep breath and try to live a day without thinking too much about it. today is the worst day until now because it's the day we would complete five years of dating, that is if we were together. to celebrate it, we had plans of traveling to norway to see the northern lights, a dream we dreamed together since we were kids.

i met kim sunwoo way before he became the boyz' main rapper sunwoo. i could never think that i would be this crazy in love with him when we met, but we don't know nothing about fate, i guess. and me and sunwoo, we were destined to be together, made for each other just like adam and eve. we have so much in common, we share the same dreams, we want to achieve the same things. our moms were university best friends, we didn't have much contact as kids, until the day our mothers decided to put us on the same school to study together... but why would they do that? nobody ever thought we were going to fall in love with each other, but when it happened, to our families it was just perfect. however, ten years after the first day in school together and here we are, here i am completely devastated and drowned in regret, chasing for sunwoo in every place. i thought i would be strong after all these years of relationship, after all the silly fights and misunderstandings i thought i would be able to ignore everything and stay by him, for him. and still i didn't.

his fans knew everything about us, since we started dating before he debuted. i was always there, at all concerts, fanmeetings, music shows. whenever i had the time, i was there in the backstage. deobis were mostly okay with us being together, some of them had social media accounts dedicated for us, i would see everything... and by everything, i mean literally. especially the fans who would hate me and send me messages saying that they wanted me dead, that sunwoo would be better off without me and so much more. that was when i became weak and started to believe in them. that was when my life became a mess in all areas, i was going through a major crisis in my job, my father was sick, some close friends stopped talking to me for no reason at all and sunwoo was on a one-month tour in japan. i was feeling lost, lonely, and i had to do something.

it was raining just like today on that night. i was preparing another cup of tea for me, my third round that day, when he got into the apartment. sunwoo was happy that he was finally home, he would tell stories about the tour and i would just pretend i was listening to them. he could notice something was off and asked me about it. in a whisper i replied him, "i wanna break up". it got silent for long and hard seconds, until i collected courage enough to look at him. the most painful thing i've ever seen, little did i know that scene would be tattoed in my mind for months. beautiful round eyes that i adore so much locking the tears so they wouldn't fall down, he nibbled at his bottom lip before asking "are you serious?" and i took a deep breath before nodding my head as a yes. sunwoo, then, began with the questions, demanding to know where all of that came from considering that we were so happy together. i was rude in my answers, saying that i was tired of the relationship and that i needed some time for myself. moments later and sunwoo went out, slamming the door behind him after i claimed that was the end. 

i've been living under this nightmare ever since, hating myself more every second because i was the one who put myself under this situation, who put sunwoo under this situation. for the past six months i had to just watch sunwoo through his work and social media, and sometimes i would know two or three things about him through chanhee, his fellow groupmate and best friend. chanhee was the only one who knew the truth about the break up and i made him swear he wouldn't tell no one, especially sunwoo, and so he did. in exchange, three months after, chanhee let me know about a mixtape sunwoo would release, mixtape which came out earlier today at midnight. i was kinda excited about this, it is his first solo work and i know how much he wanted to create something with his own touch, his own feeling. the mixtape is called 'blue' and it has only four songs, each named with every letter of the word blue. the songs tell a story on their own, so they make better sense if listened in order and all at once. in the lyrics, he talks about everything he had won as an artist and all that he lost because of that, all in a confused mix of feelings, sometimes full of anger and other times he would sound calm, and it's pretty clear that he is talking about me when he mentions a girl. since his group is now one of the most popular boy groups in korea, it didn't take long for his so waited mixtape to reach #1 in all digital platforms. i was so happy for him and so proud of his work, i even typed a text to send him but i just couldn't press the send button. instead, i expressed my happiness to chanhee, who was extremely comprehensive like always. 

as expected, i spent the entire day of today listening to this goddamn mixtape. every time i would hear his painful words it was like someone was putting a knife into my heart and, oh god, why did i brought so much suffering into this boy's life? this question kept on hammering my head the entire day until i decided i wouldn't listen to it anymore. i finished my shift at work without listening to any music, the background sound would be enough to make me company. i got into the subway with my coworkers just like any other day, they would say something about going out since it was friday and i would pretend i had some other important thing to do. and now, looking at all this rain that is falling outside, i think it was the best i could have done. i look at the clock ticking on the wall and although it's not even 10pm i decide to call it a day. i turn off the tv, let the empty mug by the kitchen sink and drag myself to the bedroom, laying down on my bed, getting comfortable around my pillows and under my fluffy blanket, letting the sleep take full control of my body.

it's still dark outside when i finally managed to free myself from the dream i was having. a dream where everything was fine and i could be found inside sunwoo's loving arms again, feeling his heart beat against mine, smelling his scent, hearing his sweet nothings being whispered at me. but then, so sudden, i looked deep into his eyes and recalled that it was only a dream. i would cry so hard while he would just look at me with a smile on his face. it's been a while since i had dreams like this one. i woke up with tears falling from my eyes, body shaking from head to toes. it took me a while to calm down, when i finally did i decide to have a glass of cold water. after going to the kitchen to drink it, i find my forgotten cellphone onto the dinner table. once i unlock it, i find some unread messages from chanhee.

[00:14] choi chanhee: y/n, i'm sorry but i think it's better for me to tell you

[00:14] choi chanhee: we were at a bar, sunwoo was drunk and started talking about you, saying he had to see you and he left

[00:15] choi chanhee: anyways he is going to your place, we couldn't stop him i'm sorry

[00:15] choi chanhee: call any of us if he acts weird okay? he seems to be out of himself this days... 

i let out a heavy sigh after seeing the messages were sent forty minutes ago, he will be here any time soon. to see sunwoo right now is what i want the most, surely, without any doubts. i miss him with everything that i have. but at the same time i don't feel ready enough for this, i'm not in my best moment, i don't know how i will react when i look at him; once it will be our first encounter after everything that happened between us. without noticing, i start pacing back and forth in my living room, feeling confused and nervous, anxiety growing inside me one more time that night and i feel my legs losing their strength, i sit by the couch as i try to take deep breaths in order to calm myself down again. this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this-- my thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell, followed by knocks on the door. i don't know how but i manage to get up and walk to the door with my jelly-like legs. i don't need to check before opening it. just like i had dreamed moments ago, sunwoo is right in front of me. dark circles around his beautiful eyes, the tip of the nose a bit red and he smells like he has been drinking and smoking for the past few hours. he is wearing black hoodies, black pants and black converse. all black, just the way he likes. i'm still giving no reactions, blinking at the sight of him, hoping for this to be another dream.

"hi" it’s all i can say.

"c-chanhee told me, y/n" he hiccups, taking a deep breath after "he told me everything" i look at him, trying to come up with a sentence but i just can't talk "a-about the haters and how that made you break up with me"

"sunwoo, i--" i stop in the middle of the sentence, couldn't finish because he literally jumped into my arms. a couple minutes later, i close the door behind us before readjusting his arms around me. with the head against his chest i can feel his heart bumping fast and his chin hovering above my head, and somehow it is recomforting. we stay like this for a couple moments, i stop feeling nervous and anxious as i feel his arms around me, calming me down, until his sobbing come into my ears "are you okay?" he nods, kissing the top of my head.

"i just..." i lift my head to look at him, red teary eyes looking deep into my eyes "why didn't you tell me, y/n? huh?" he holds my face with both hands "you can't do this, my love. how can you believe in what other people say when you know i'll love you forever?" he puts his forehead against mine and mumbles "please come back to me, i miss you so much" 

"sunwoo..." i take a deep breath and whisper "i don't know..."

"please, my love, please... i do anything!" his breath smells like alcohol "if you want me to leave the group, i'll do that right now!"

"stop saying nonsense, you know you can't do that!" i shake off his hands away slightly and he seems pretty offended, getting some steps away and looking back at me with angry but still sad eyes, tears now running down his cheeks without permission. a muscle in his jaw twitches making him look scary, yet i'm not afraid.

"it isn't nonsense! it's the truth!" he shouts "how could you believe those words when i am madly in love with you?--" sunwoo paces around the living room, hands messing his hair as if he was having an attack.

"sunwoo, you're screaming--"

"i can't eat, i can't sleep! all i can think about is you!" he takes a deep breath “i have my own pride! you can’t do this to me--”

"it's late, please lower your voice--"

“you can’t just leave me sick like this!” i scratch my forehead at his screamed words “you can’t throw away what we had, not this way!”

“sunwoo, please--”

"why did you have to do this?” he goes on “we've been together for so long, how could you let us just fall all apart?"

"sunwoo..."

"i can't breathe when you're not with me, y/n! fuck!" he slaps the flower pot that once was on top of the table, making it fall into the ground and break into pieces.

"oh my god, kim sunwoo! stop acting like crazy! look what you did!" he stares at me, gasping. i feel my cheeks getting red at the sudden wave of mixed feelings.

"i'm s-sorry" sunwoo looks to the ground and sighs before dropping on his knees, hysterically sobbing "it hurts so much, y/n. you're my everything! i can't stay away from you anymore" he lets out while crying "now why... why would you?" i don't know what to do, but i still keep watching him while holding back some tears.

it doesn't take too much until i can't take this agonizing scene anymore. i know he is tired and confused and i'm definitely not on the mood to fight, that's why i kneel down in front of him and let my hands cup his cheeks. i lift his head, taking a good look at his face as i start to wipe his teardrops away, still fighting back my tears, feeling my heart break into tiny little pieces "why don't you take a shower so you can calm down and then if you're not too tired we talk this through, huh? what do you say?" he opens a sad smile and nods, softly leaning his head against my hand as he searches for more of my touches.

with a certain difficulty, i manage to get him back on his feet but somehow he lost his balance, hardly being able to stand on his feet, so i help him walk to the bathroom while he keeps on muttering that he is sorry for everything and that he wants me back, making this even harder. once we are in the bathroom, i help him with his clothes before pushing him under the shower, i open the faucet, letting the water fall on his head.

"ah! it's cold!" he complains in a hiss, hugging his now naked body.

"i know, but you need it" i close the bathroom shower door, hearing as he mumbles something about not having extra clothes, making me sigh at the fact that he had forgotten that he owns at least three drawers in my dresser.

i walk back to the living room and clean up the mess sunwoo made. when finished, i decide to have a couple more glasses of water to calm down. i still can't believe this is happening. i draw in a long breath as i walk to the bedroom, i open one of sunwoo's drawers, which is exactly the same way it was the day he left. i pick up some clothes for him and soon when i stop hearing the sound of the water falling, i get back into the bathroom to hand sunwoo his clothes. he shyly thanks me before i walk out the room to give him some privacy. few minutes go by until sunwoo shows up in the room, wearing the navy blue pajamas i picked for him, dragging his body to the bed, where i am sitting on.

"i'm sorry, my love. sorry i'm a mess up" he mumbles, stopping in front of me, just by the look on his eyes i can feel that he is completely exhausted, like he would sleep for an entire day if he could. i don't say much, sighing only before getting up to take his hand and sit him down on the bed. i take the towel away from his hands and start to dry off his hair. i feel his hand touch my waist lightly, his thumbs caressing my skin over the material of my shirt, touches ever so soft just like his voice when he whispered "don't be mad at me"

"i'm not" i quickly answer back.

"yes, you are. you're not even looking at me, y/n" he puts his hands on my hands, making any movement of mine stop and then i finally look into his now swollen eyes, all i can see is sadness and sorrow.

"i'm not mad, sunwoo. i just don't like seeing you like that," i try not to cry but it's barely impossible "it makes me sad and it's even worse to know that you're suffering because of me" he wraps his arms around my waist when i drop the towel to the bed, covering my face as i sob uncontrollably.

i find shelter in sunwoo's arms moments later, when he makes me sit on his lap. i curl myself up inside his embrace, snuggling my nose on his neck and feeling his fingers going back and forth on my skin, sometimes he would kiss my temper and whisper some words, reminding me that he was there with me, calming me down.

"i'm so, so sorry for all of this" i hear myself saying after long minutes went by, he holds my  face on his hands, looking deep into my crying eyes "i was weak and made us suffer this badly" he nods at my words "i was in a bad place back then, i thought you wouldn't understand and got us all stuck in this even worse nightmare" he runs his thumb across my cheeks, wiping away some teardrops "i should've talked to you but i was afraid..."

"there was nothing for you to be afraid of, my love... we would have talked this through and find a solution together" i bob my head in comprehension as i feel his fingers put a lock of my hair behind my ear, tears falling silently this time "just like we will find one now, you are not alone. i’m with you, y/n"

"i'm so happy that you are here, sunwoo..." i let out in a whisper and i can watch his lips curve into a smile "i tried to text you before but i just couldn't" he nods.

"i understand, y/n. and it's totally fine" we grin at each other “and i’m sorry i didn’t call all this time and--” he is interrupted by a sudden yawn that makes us laugh, he apologizes right after "sorry, my love, i'm just feeling tired" he blinks lazily as i cross my hand through his hair.

"no, babe, i'm sorry for putting you up to this at this time, we should've talked in the morning" sunwoo shakes his head in denial, mumbling that it's okay "let's call it a day, shall we?" he nods once again that night.

"perfect idea, my love" i smile at him.

my hand fall from his hair to his chin as i put the other one on his shoulder. i lean myself and only closed my eyes after i saw sunwoo closing his, i get closer and closer until our lips locked. our kiss is small at first, slow and soft as if we were afraid of hurting each other but soon it grew bigger and full of desire. it was like my kiss had woken him up, his hands are now everywhere; first holding my cheeks then running down my arms until he got them on my waist, pulling me closer as if it is even possible. my own hands flew to the back of his head without me even notice and i feel his ones running up and down my spine, then holding me close. 

"i love you, y/n" he mumbles in between our making out session, lowering his kisses down my neck and shoulder.

"i love you too, love you  so much" i let out in a whine, panting under his caresses and this makes him smile. sunwoo stops all the kissing and leans his body backwards for a moment, taking his time to look on my face. good thing is that i can take a good look at his as well. he is gasping through his big and swollen red lips, black hair still a bit humid because i didn't make a good job at drying them, beautiful and swollen eyes that had stopped crying now stare at me with passion, making me feel like i am the prettiest woman on the planet, shirt all messy on his body and i swear this is the most beautiful scene i have seen, the dim lights from the bedside lamp only helping him to look even better.

"please don't you ever leave me again, my love" sunwoo prays in a whisper, one hand going up my cheek and i put mine above it "i don't know what i'll do without you" i lean my head to give his caressing hand a kiss.

"i'm not going anywhere" a smile dances on his lips and then he pulls me closer, making us fall on the bed and laugh together at it, before sunwoo kisses me again.

three months ago when he left, i could feel an emptiness growing inside of me, as if sunwoo had taken a piece of me along with him. but now i can assure that the hollow space i was feeling before sunwoo entered my apartment earlier today, that feeling is gone. kim sunwoo had always been that one source of happiness in my life and i don't know how i had the courage to doubt that nor how i managed to live all this time without him. again, we are like adam and eve. we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we are simply soulmates, born to be together. and i know that from now on i'm going to be fine, we are going to be happy.

[leerongrong]

College Student!Haechan

part of the NCT DREAM living the Y/N life collection.

lemme introduce you to some new things donghyuck

full name: lee donghyuck

age: 19 [international]

height: 174cm

donghyuck is an adorable prankster who’s known far-and-wide throughout his life

the boy started out as a class clown, making jokes at teachers and other students in kindergarten

it got him into loads of trouble, and he didn’t really have friends because the other kids called him mean and scary when he tries to joke around with them

hyuck didn’t care tho

he loves the attention from both his peers and parents even if it meant getting scolded every night

he didn’t change when he went to elementary school, still going around pulling pranks on other people, so far as to pulling at a girl’s pigtails and being sent into detention

although his persona did change when high school rolled around

he’s no longer donghyuck, the adorkable class clown he’s now donghyuck, a rebel that hates schoolwork, teachers, and gets thrown into detention more often than he should

never does his homework, smack talks at teachers and destroys school property

people started to wonder why he hasn’t been thrown out of school yet

the only reason he’s still passing his grades is because of mark, a senior who talks and acts friendly around hyuck as if he’s just any normal student

at first hyuck thought the guy befriended him because he wanted something from him

maybe his lunch or his money

but hyuck’s blown away when mark tells him that he just wanted them to be friends

mark tells him about seeing him roam around the halls with no one to talk to,, his hands in his pockets and staying out on the outskirts and how he feels a pang in his heart

he knows the feeling of being alone with no one to talk to just because people won’t spend time trying to get to know the person underneath

he felt it himself after he moved to seoul, all the kids rejecting him from their friend circles because he looked and talked differently

and mark felt the need to befriend him

the two start hanging out alot after that

playing online games together, hanging out in arcades together, walking around school together

sometimes hyuck gives mark headaches because the boy doesn’t want to do any of his workload,, even once trying to pay mark to do his homework

and mark’s pleasantly surprised when he finds out that hyuck is nowhere near stupid

the boy could rank number one in his year if he actually put some work in

hyuck tells him it’s because school just isn’t his passion

“i want to be a singer someday. i won’t be stuck doing algebra and i’ll be going on tours and performing instead.”

hyuck’s 20 now and a changed man

he’s gotten himself into a prestigious college for the performing arts, one step closer to making his dream come true

and while he would never admit it, he’s grateful for mark. if it weren’t for him, he’s end up as a dead beat high school dropout

speaking of mark

mark went to a different college for arts, almost a town away from his

and today he’s going to come by from all the nagging hyucks’s been giving him about not meeting each other often

they’re going to meet at a cafe

and hyuck’s waiting for mark who’s 20 minutes late because of traffic

“hyung! if you didn’t want to see me you could have said so.”

“traffic’s a bitch.”

he’s starting to get bored sitting at the corner alone with nothing but his phone to keep him company, mark not even replying to his messages

until something gets his attention

its you

you’re a solo singer that started out as an actress

relatively young and have debuted for a few years now, known for your amazing vocals and catchy songs

and there you are

on the screen of a flat screen tv hanging just above him, singing and dancing in your newly released mv

hyuck’s staring at the screen and he’s listening very carefully to your song

even going onto his phone and searching for your music after the mv finishes and another show starts playing on the tv

he doesn’t even realize mark running in looking like a train wreck

out of breath and very disheveled with a very clear coffee stain on his shirt

and when he does, haechan shoves his phone into mark’s face, the latter squinting at the bright screen

“who’s this?”

“that’s y/n? she’s a solo singer, i told you about her remember?”

“nope.”

hyuck’s a little confused because?? if mark had told him about you there’s no way he would’ve forgotten

boy goes on a streaming spree right after coming home

can’t be reached by anyone for a whole 24/7, burrowing in his room with the air con on full and his phone blasting your mv one after the other

he’s hooked

goes on an impulsive buying spree for your light stick and multiple albums

pretty much spending his life’s money

droning on and on again and again to mark about you

he goes on non stop about how mark should’ve told him about you sooner, said boy rolling his eyes because, “you’re the one who forgot.”

he burst into tears when mark gave him a fan sign ticket as a reward for acing all his classes mark is THAT friend yall

hugging the life out of the older one and covering mark’s face with spit when he kisses him all over we all need a mark in our lives tbh

he still can not believe he’s going to meet you

d-day arrives

hyuck set up 5 alarms last night so he wouldn’t accidentally over sleep and miss meeting you

all his life, he’s never been a fan of working out but here he is, 8 hours before a fan sign doing pull ups and push ups because he wants to look good

he isn’t ashamed to admit that he shaved twice

nor is he ashamed that he’s using a face mask he literally just bought yesterday because they’re supposed to make him look shining, shimmering and splendid

he’s rushing out of his dorm to where the fan sign is held and he literally stops breathing when he sees you in person surrounded by security and scary looking managers

he’s reminding himself to breath because he doesn’t want to pass out in front of you while all his brain is thinking is, ‘how does she even look better in person?’

‘she looks like an angel.’

‘she’s breathtaking.’

hyuck’s convinced he’s in love

and he only watches you and stares at everything you do

he turns red when you turn to him and wave from afar

‘did that just really happen?’

‘did i just get noticed?’

‘am i in heaven?’

when its finally his turn, he turns into stone all of his planned speeches disappearing into thin air

donghyuck.exe.has stopped functioning

he gives you his gift and he knows you see him trembling and you laugh, holding his hand to stop his shaking

‘did i just hear wedding bells ringing?’

‘i’m never going to wash my hands’

he’s having his own internal crisis

you’re there staring at him for a bit, making sure you smile at him and engage in eye contact

while inside you’re a little blown away because you’ve seen your fair shares of handsome men, your own fans being the most handsome in your eyes but you’ve never seen anyone as handsome as donghyuck is and you’re wondering why he hasn’t been snatched by idol companies

both of you smile and talk to each other

and hyuck’s freaking out a little because this is his time is running out and this is the only chance to tell you the words he thought about for 3 days he even forced mark into his mini lyric writing session

“i wanted to thank you for always making me smile.”

and you’re smiling so much wider by now, the sweet words from your fans never failing to take your breath away

“are you kidding me? donghyuck you’re like the sun, so warm and you bright up my day. you’re my full sun.”

the boy practically melted then and there and had to be escorted out by your security team

the next time he meets mark all he can ramble on and on about is your fansign

“mark, she called me her sun..”

“mARK DON’T TOUCH ME I’M THE FREAKING SUN.”

“I’M CHANGING MY NAME TO LEE HAECHAN.”

[mmemirrorball]

I feel like the huge audience that taylor is accruing now days ESPECIALLY after massive pop records like midnights and 1989 tv is not prepared for debut tv and all its yeehaw horse girl glory 😭

[exosmuttytalk]

Just Dance

Characters: Chanyeol, female OC

Genre: Fluff, hurt and comfort (kinda?)

Word count: ~2400

Summary: Following a round of her favorite videogame, Chanyeol makes the best effort to prop his girl up.

A/N: Originally, this was going to go a different route with a different main character, but then I thought about my friend @blogmariasan​ and wanted to write something for her ~

How cute does he look in that gif tho

The rapid beating of your heart in your ears and the loud music coming out of the speakers were strong enough for you to miss the noise the front door made when it turned on its hinges. Or the rummaging at the hall as he left the keys at the usual spot on top of the dresser and hung his coat on the hanger.

“Oh, so that’s what you do when I’m not at home, hmm?” his voice came from the doorstep to the living room, where you had moved the coffee table out of the way to make enough space for your workout, standing in front of the TV. “Fraternizing with our enemies.”

The high amount of energy your body stored at the moment combined with his voice startling you sent you practically flying across the room and into the sofa that had been pushed backwards. Sweat dripped down your back and you could feel blood rushing to your already flushed face.

The subject of dance came up fairly often in conversations with Chanyeol, who would sometimes need reassurance when he compared his own dancing with some other of his band mates, but who you’d never let watch you dance. Not on purpose, of course.

Dance is one of those things that do not matter to normal people. Everyone’s been to a club or a party at least once, has made a complete fool of themselves and then has gone home, hopefully having had fun. Not you.

When you were a kid, almost all your female classmates had enrolled in some sort of dance classes: ballet, regional dances, hip-hop, you name it. You knew many people who were part of an amateur band that learnt and performed their favorite artists’ dances. You weren’t one of them. At those end of year performances at your primary school, you’d always be left at the back, fulfilling the inconspicuous roles of trees, random animals, or the time when you had gotten quite a share of the spotlight as a door knob in a musical version of Alice in Wonderland. Coordination was just not your forte.

Everybody who knew you knew that as well. Including your boyfriend, who had found out about your slight incompetence when it came to being a protagonist and to moving your body in a graceful manner quite early in the relationship, when he had taken you as his companion to a family wedding. As enthused as always, he dragged you across the room to the dance floor, and knowing many of his family members were scrutinizing your every move, you had no option but to dance with him. Thankfully, one of his uncles was a nurse and was able to examine your ankle and determined you had only sprained it. As soon as he heard that, all the worry he had been sporting on his face since he saw you trip and hit the ground, disappeared. It was instead replaced by a slight mocking expression that only grew bigger when his grandma patted him in the back and told him you were nice but he needed to teach you to keep a bit of balance. What a beautiful family introduction.

Wasn’t that funny though? You wouldn’t trade your life for anything in the world, but you would have preferred if dance wasn’t such an important aspect in your partner’s life. Being energetic as he is, Chanyeol would usually blast music while at home, didn’t matter to him whether it was his own music or someone else’s, and dance around while doing chores. He’d do it in the car as well.

“Dancing is very fun, baby, you still haven’t found the perfect song for you.”

Just watching him prance around the house made you unbelievably happy, but you never let yourself get into it. As much as you watched and enjoyed every single one of his performances, and for many of them, you’d learnt the whole choreography, you didn’t allow yourself to get carried away beyond a gentle sway.

The thing is you loved dancing. You actually loved to the point it was your main form of exercise. Who doesn’t love getting carried away with their favorite music? You just were aware of the quality of the movements you produced, so you refused to do it in front of other people.

“I wasn’t doing anything with your enemies! And they’re not your enemies, you’re just petty!”

You stood back up and forcefully pulled the sofa back to its original place. Then, you turned off the game console without even worrying to save your progress and left the controller on top of the table a bit more harshly than necessary and left the room in a huff.

When Chanyeol asked you to move in with him, you knew you wouldn’t have as much privacy as you used to do living in your tiny one bedroom apartment, but you didn’t particularly mind it. By that point, you had already spent plenty of time at each other’s homes and he was an easy going person, so you felt at home. Besides, his busy schedule kept him out of the house most of the day; so you felt at ease. Even more so when you discovered, in a party with his band mates where he pulled it out as an entertainment safe bet, that he had unlimited access to one of your favorite videogames. So now, whenever he was out and you wanted to exercise, you’d turn it on and dance on your own, enjoyed yourself and bumped into enough stuff around the house Chanyeol would always enquire about the bruises on your legs.

His brows furrowed when he heard your snappy tone and you made your way out of the living room.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” He followed you into the bathroom where you struggled to get out of your sweaty workout clothes while at the same time avoiding his gaze from scanning your flushed face. “You’ve already been living here for long enough, you can use anything here whenever you can, you know that?”

“It’s not that!” You responded, annoyed and in the verge of tears.

He waited for you to come out of your t-shirt to grab your hand and pull you back into the bedroom, where he sat in the middle of the bed, cross legged and making a space big enough between your legs for you to fit in comfortably. You flinched when his fingers started sliding down your still damp back in soothing movements, but couldn’t help but dive into his comforting hug.

“So now you’re gonna tell me what’s got you all up in arms today, hmm?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, but you know keeping bad things in will get you nowhere. Why are you angry? You seemed so happy when I came in.”

“I am not angry…” you said in a low tone while you tried to hide your face against Chanyeol’s chest.

“So what is it?” He cupped your face in his hand and raised your head to look at you. As soon as his eyes fixed on yours, you felt another wave of heat hit your cheeks. “Are you blushing?” You could almost hear the gears grinding in his brain as he connected the dots. “Is it because I caught you dancing?”

You let out an undefined sound that served as an affirmation and took your eyes away from him.

“I remember how embarrassing it was for you at Hee’s wedding, but there’s no one else but me here. You can enjoy yourself without a problem!”

“It’s not that… I can’t dance in front of you.”

“But why not, baby? I will do it with you, it’s fun!”

“I just…” you hesitated, but the expression on his face as he waited was enough. “I am a bad dancer, okay? I know that.”

He nodded with caution, not wanting to make you feel worse with his acknowledgement.

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Of course there is a problem! You dance for a living”

“Well, I do other stuff too, but it’s a pretty big part. What does that have to do with this?”

“I love you, okay? I really like seeing you perform and I know you love what you do. But sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough for you,” you finally confessed.

“What?” his voice was higher pitched than usual to express his confusion. “Where is this all coming from?”

“I sometimes think…maybe if you see how bad I am at this, you will compare me to your other friends who also dance and think you can do better than me.”

“Are you really telling me you’re scared of me leaving you for someone who dances better than you?” his voice kept raising in disbelief.

“Well, if you put it that way! Just listen to me! You are always around people who are more talented, better looking and who have more interesting lives than me. I have none of that. How am I supposed to feel!?”

Chanyeol leaned back into the mattress and pulled your body along with his, so in the end, he was lying across the bed on his back with you on top of him, resting you face against his t-shirt. You rose up your gaze at him and saw him staring at the ceiling with a blank expression, while his fingers never stopped drawing random patterns against your bare skin.

“You know, when I first got into this I was an awful dancer.”

“What?”

“Yeah, in comparison with Jongin or Sehun, there’s nothing I can do in terms of dancing even now. They were so much better than I was, and not just because of their natural talent. I’m a terrible dancer. My legs and arms feel too long to be controlled and collected as they are when they dance. All that you see now is the result of years of practice.”

“I have never been too self conscious about it because I trusted myself enough, but I remember there was this girl at the training centre who always made comments about my dancing. She was a bit older than I was and she used to tease me about it all the time. She wasn’t very nice.”

“Is she still mean?”

“Oh, maybe she is. I haven’t seen her in years, I ended up debuting with the guys but she never got to that point, despite the fact she had been training for years at that point.”

“That’ll serve her right,” you shrugged.

“Yeah, well. I try not to think a lot about it, because I can still hear her snickering while I performed.”

“I’m so sorry about that,” you hugged him softly from your position and his arms returned the favor around you.

“It’s okay. The thing about this is that I know how you feel. I know how hard it can be to face the world, expose what you have and to be confident enough that it’ll be good enough. But some people around us are more than willing to tear us down over our smallest mistakes, so it’s quite unfair that we do that to ourselves too. That’s what helped me get over it.”

“Yeah, but now you are a quite good dancer and get paid to do so! Why would I show something I know I am bad at?”

“Because you actually enjoy it! Allowing yourself to enjoy things is part of being kind to yourself, and that’s something you need to work on.”

You let out only a soft sigh as a response.

“You know you’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever been in my life, right?”

You propped your head up by resting your chin against his chest, looking him on, silently. His hand caressed your hair.

“Sometimes I have bad days too. Sometimes I’m sad or angry. Or frustrated, because I am not getting where I want to be. But then, I come home and see you around. Maybe you’re in the kitchen, or you’re working on your laptop, or playing with the dog. Doing whatever. Just by being there, you make my day brighter. You make me smile and laugh. You support me when I need to. You get me in ways barely no one else does and I get inspired by you daily.”

His confession left you speechless for a while. Of course, you knew you were in with Chanyeol for the long run. You’d gone through terrible enough times together when your relationship was made public, so now you weren’t going to give up and neither was him.

“You’re so beautiful and so good I don’t even care about other people anymore. Yeah, I have many beautiful friends and coworker. But they have nothing against you, doesn’t matter how much prettier you think they are. Besides, my grandma loves you very much despite your stellar introduction to the family; that can hardly be beat.”

A small tear managed to slide its way down your cheek when you closed your eyes and laughed wholeheartedly to the mention of his grandma, but he didn’t notice. Just seconds after he’d finished his speech, he’d sat up on the bed, kissed your forehead and started rummaging through the closet.

“Here, wear this one!”

He tossed you one of his older t-shirts, with the name of his group written on the back, worn out and soft, before stripping off his own work clothes and searching for more comfortable stuff.

“I’m a bit rusty lately, so it’s a good thing you were already working out, we can help each other.” You were still sitting on your bed, t-shirt in hand but in your underwear, not sure what to do. His head popped up behind one of the doors when he noticed you hadn’t moved and his eyes scanned up and down your poorly covered figure, with a cocky eyebrow raised and a smirk. “Or we could head into the shower and I could teach you some of the moves we do under artificial rain… but only if you want, of course…”

_________________________

A/N: It probably wasn’t made clear enough, but the song OC was dancing at the beginning would’ve been a BTS one, if those were included in the game, which I’m not sure of. BTS and Exo are not enemies and they probably even get on fairly well with each other, so take it just as a joke

Other Chanyeol shenanigans 

Holidays   (OC/One Shot/Fluff-Smut)

Experimentation    (Chanbaek/One shot/Fluff-soft smut)

MASTERLIST!?

[mochiyoonfi]

Our Utopia

Synopsis: Y/n is an Idol Trainee under the same company as her big brother- Kim Namjoon. But there’s more to her than her angelic voice.

Universe: idol!bts, idol!reader, reader is Namjoon's sister.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of drug abuse/addiction, mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, abuse, sexual assault, violence.

A/N: This is a request! Requested by @deereadeer​ Sorry this took so long!

~ (reader discretion is recommended) ~

Betraying the darkest parts of your heart to strangers was definitely something you wouldn’t recommend. Heart in your throat, you looked across at the judges. The founder of the company had his eyebrow raised, as if asking if you were going to do anything.

Taking a deep breath, you summoned every ounce of your courage and opened your mouth.

As you begin to sing, you feel everyone’s eyes fixed on you. You don’t pay attention to that, only to the thumping feeling of your racing heart.

You close your eyes, putting all the emotion you can manage without breaking down, into your voice.

Suddenly the room around you faded, you saw your darkest fears, the ones you could never talk to someone about. Your worst memories.

Walking through the lush park that you could no longer stomach to see, the gentle air playing with locks of your hair. The three men, strangers to you, who now haunted your nightmares regardless, had come out of nowhere, the darkness around them betraying the darkness of their hearts. And when it was over, they slunk back to nowhere.

You had only been two blocks away from your house.

You were almost home.

But you weren’t.

The frightful attack was just the start of your mentally declining slope. Drugs, alcohol. They became your only comforts. The only thing helping you cope. The shame surrounding your use of them was apparent to only you. No one else knew of your pain. Not even your best friends.

The real saving light to your turmoil came, maybe not when you desperately wanted it to, but it came nonetheless.

Your parents.

Of course you knew that your trusting, caring parents would have never imagined the spiral you had fallen into.

But they tried their best to comfort you regardless. You saw the shame in their eyes though, they couldn’t hide that. Their shame didn’t change the fact they loved you.

You knew that they loved you.

So when they told you to go to rehab, you went willingly. They had to know what was best for you. Because you sure as hell didn’t.

Your eyes slowly trailed up to the judges, resisting the urge to wipe your eyes, unsure of if there were even tears in them.

The judges all had straight faces. For a second your heart sunk.

Maybe you just weren’t good enough.

Was your best not good enough?

The female judge was the first to crack. She turned away and her shoulders began shaking, her hands shooting up to her face. Sobs were torn from her mouth, none too quietly.

The CEO, Bang Shi Hyuk or better known as PD Nim, wasn’t crying or staring almost blankly at you. He was smiling.

“Thank you for auditioning, we’ll get back to you if you’ve made it through.” He stated, voice a little quieter than normal. “You remind me of someone.”

You blinked.

He sighed, realising that you wanted to know who he meant. “You remind me of RM, from BTS. You both speak well and have heartfelt lyrics.”

It was your turn to smile, a sense of pride washing over you. “He’s my brother.”

The judges gasped quietly, the crying woman’s eyes widening. “Why didn’t you tell us beforehand? We would’ve marked you better!”

You shuffled on your feet, fingers playing with each other. “Well…I guess… I..”

“I think Kim Y/n means that she didn’t want to use her brother to make it through the auditions.” Bang Shi Hyuk said, smiling kindly at you.

You nodded vigorously. “Yeah. I want to do it for myself. Not cheat my way through…”

The woman stood up, face contorted somewhere between disbelief and anger. “What if you don’t make it through? Wouldn’t that be worse on your reputation? It wouldn’t even be cheating, it would just be an advantage!”

“I want to do this myself. I’m sure I can.”

Bang Shi Hyuk nodded. “We have your details and contact information. The period of call backs is one to two weeks. Thank you. Goodbye.”

-✥-

“Namjoon’s really good at rapping.”

You were lying on the floor of the practice room at Big Hit Entertainment with five other girls. Not just any girls. These girls were insanely talented— and also the only female idol trainees signed under the same company as the Kpop sensation, BTS, the band your brother was in. You six girls were kind of special in that sense.

“Yeah I know.” You replied, not trying to hide the pride in your voice.

“How come you aren’t good at rapping then?” Aiko asked, her dark eyes fixated on the tv mounted on the wall. You rolled your eyes when you saw that her eyes were solely on your brother. You still weren’t used to the whole ‘worldwide famous brother’ thing.

“Just because my brother is a good rapper doesn’t mean I am too.”

Heeyoung laughed. “Yeah but how can you not even drop a beat?”

Heeyoung was the main rapper in the group, so you weren’t surprised to hear this from her.

“I’m a singer, not a rapper.” You replied.

Ji-Eun smiled softly. Her smile was a welcoming thing to you. She normally was quiet, didn’t smile much and wasn’t very opinionated— a real peacekeeper. When she spoke, she spoke with pure honesty. You had never seen her lie before, at least, not successfully.

“You’re the best singer I’ve ever heard. Better than all those professional singers out there.”

You went red. “J-Ji! You can’t say that!”

Aiko shook her head. “No, she’s right. You’re a real natural talent. Probably even better than Jungkook.”

Your eyes widened. “J-Jungkook? He’s a senior to us! You can’t insult him like that!”

“Y/n, it’s a compliment to you.” Aiko scoffed, no malice in her voice.

“B-but-!”

A tinkling laugh filled the room and you turned to the source. The lead dancer of your group was grinning up from her phone. “Y/n, you really can’t accept compliments can you?”

“I can accept compliments just fine Luna.” You pouted.

Luna shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe just not in front of us.”

“Baram has no problem accepting compliments. I guess she should do our acceptance speeches.” Aiko stated.

Baram looked up from her phones. Baram smirked instantly. “No, that won’t work. Our modest leader shall accept everything.”

“Accept what?” Luna laughed. “We haven’t even debuted yet!”

Aiko jumped up, thrusting her fist into the air. “Yeah, but I know we’ll do well! Just like BTS! Just like TXT!”

“Yeah but BTS is mainly vocalists. We have two vocals.”

Everyone’s eyes drifted to Baram. She was a known overthinker. Ji-Eun quickly came to the rescue though. “Doesn’t matter. We’ve got some of the best dancers I’ve ever known! We’ll rock the industry to their core.”

You grinned. If anyone could energise your group, it was definitely Ji-Eun. “On three! UT-Opia!”

“UT-Opia!”

-✥-

You sat down in your dormitory, ignoring the fact that Aiko was sleeping, quite loudly, in your own bed. You rolled your eyes, throwing a blanket over her and turning on your camera.

You smiled warmly into the camera. “Welcome back, Blisses! I’m Y/n, the leader and main singer of UT-Opia! Today I’ll be talking about the song writing process! First I think of what the song will be about. Normally two themes: Love or sadness. I’m feeling pretty happy right now, so I’ll write about love.”

You talked for maybe five minutes before signing off and turning off the camera. You sighed in relief. Now all you had to do was your afternoon workout, and you would be done for the day.

Aiko stirred from under the blanket. “Oh. Hey Y/n.”

Walking over to her, you smiled lovingly. As much as you loved all the girls equally, you had a soft spot for the maknae, Aiko.

“Hey Aiko.”

She looked over at where your camera was set up, sheets of music and note paper discarded messily. Her brow creased. “Were you filming a daily vlog?”

You nodded.

“Don’t overwork yourself.” She warned.

You laughed unintentionally at this. Here she was, so exhausted from her daily life that she had collapsed into your bed, and slept for who knows how long. And she was telling you to take a break.

“I’m fine Aiko. You, however, look tired. Please sleep well. I’ll wake you when we need to practice.”

Her head immediately fell into the blanket again. “Thanks Y/n.”

You shared a room with Ji-Eun, which you never used. Really, it was more a gesture than anything useful.

You carefully pried open the front door to your actual dorm, being as silent as possible.

“Y/n! You’re back!”

Your brother greeted you with a hug and you couldn’t help but fall into his warm embrace. He smiled at you.

“Where were you? I hope you weren’t practicing all day..”

You grinned and pulled him into another quick hug. “No more than I need to.”

Namjoon sighed. He rustled his short blue hair and eyed your own dyed hair. “Honestly, at this point do we even look like siblings?”

“The price of fame.” You quipped. He laughed slightly.

“The price of keeping your fans happy.”

You turned to him, setting down the cup of coffee you had just begun to make. You studied him with care, studying him for any of his normal nervous habits. But no, he was standing calm and still.

“Don’t you enjoy making your fans happy anymore?”

He looked up from his own cup. He shook his head. “I do. I love making them happy. In fact, they make me happy.”

“I wonder if I’ll be as happy.”

The words came out without any intention to. Your thoughts had somehow managed to scramble themselves and now your older brother was looking at you, bright eyes unable to mask their sympathy.

“I’m sure you’ll be just as successful—if not more. And I’ll always make sure you’re happy.”

You sucked in a breath. “Always?”

“When have I ever not been here for you?”

You didn’t answer his question, knowing if you lied he may be able to tell, somehow. Instead you just nodded, smiled slightly awkwardly.

A gush of breeze raced past you, so fast you couldn’t even see what it was. Well, not really. As sneaky as Taehyung thought himself, the young man from your brother's group was actually not very good at unnoticed movements. In fact it had only taken two days of living with him to know his lying habits, exactly how fake his smile was, and what he did when he was tired. A lot of the time, it was the latter. He never seemed to get a full night's sleep. Often he would knock on your door and you would get out of bed and follow him out onto the deck. Together you would sit in silence, just gazing at the stars.

“Y/n! You hard worker! I’m glad you’re back!”

You smiled at the younger man and brought him in to you for a brief hug. “Ah, I should be saying that to you guys. Promoting a new album is making your schedules busy, eh?”

Namjoon sighed loudly. “It’s hard.” He saw your slightly disappointed face and hurried to correct himself. “It’s always worth it though.”

“Mm. I’ll wait until I see the worth.”

You breath hitched. Min Yoongi, the second oldest in your brothers group, had entered the room. He scratched his neck slowly, eyes trailing to each person's present face. He looked away before he got to you though.

“Oh Yoongi give her some hope.” Taehyung complained.

Yoongi shrugged. “It’s true. I’m just tired right now. Where’s the cereal?”

“Grandpa, it’s 10 at night.” Namjoon groaned.

Yoongi’s upper lip curled downwards in something that resembled disgust. “What’s wrong with cereal at night?” His frown deepened. “And don’t call me grandpa.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Whatever. How’s your practice going anyway?”

Realising this was directed at you, you looked up into your brothers strong eyes. “I think we’re pretty good! Almost as good as you guys!” You teased.

Namjoon laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You girls are very talented. All we have really is years of work and a massive fan base backing our every move.”

Your eyebrows fell. “We haven’t even debuted yet. Of course we aren’t that successful.”

“You guys still do daily vlogs right?” Taehyung asked.

“Yeah Y/n did one this morning.”

Turning to Yoongi, your heart caught slightly. “D-did you watch it?”

He nodded. “It was good. I like the way you write your music. It’s very deep.”

Your heart began pounding, not because of the butterflies catching at the fact that he had been watching you, but now because he had seen you so invested in your music. It almost felt as if you were ripping out pages of a diary you had kept for years and giving it to him to read through.

“Too bad you didn’t do any singing though.”

“I haven’t heard you sing— really sing, I’m so long Y/n.” Namjoon jumped in. “Do you think you could sing for me at some point.”

“Me too!” Taehyung jumped in, reminding you that he was still there.

“Maybe later?” You squeaked.

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed. “That’s fine. I think you should go to bed.”

You sighed. Of course Namjoon had noticed the sleep bags under your eyes. He was too perceptible for his own good sometimes.

“I will. I just need to talk with Jungkook first.”

The three boys nodded. It had become a regular thing, you talking to each of the boys in private every few days. They just assumed that it was for some type of mentoring purposes, as the things you asked about were always vague. But your conversations always turned to a more emotional route.

Because you weren’t there only for their tutoring and mentoring.

-✥-

“Jungkook sunbae?”

“Come in.”

You slowly opened his door, walking in quietly. He was slouched on the floor against his wall, phone in hand. He looked up at you and grinned.

“Hey Y/n. Nice to see you. And for the hundredth time, just call me Jungkook. You’re older than me for goodness sake.”

You laughed, sliding down next to him. “But you have so much more experience than me. It doesn’t feel right addressing you so casually.”

“You’ve been living here for two whole years now. I think we’re pretty good friends at this point.”

“You guys have really blown up over two years.”

He turned off his phone, throwing it and landing it perfectly onto his bed. “And you guys have gotten a lot better at dancing— which to be honest, is astounding seeing how good you were to start with.”

“And your mental health has gotten so much better.”

“It’s only thanks to you.”

You smiled. “I’m glad I can do anything to help you. You didn’t need much helping really, just a gentle push in the right direction. You’ve been strong since I’ve known you.”

“You as well.” Jungkook responded earnestly. “You were really reluctant to move in with us at first.”

A laugh filled the room. “Well you should expect that— A 23 year old moving in with a bunch of men.”

Jungkook shrugged. “I moved in with a bunch of teenagers and young men when I was only young. I guess I had very different experiences to other people.” He looked down at the tattoos running all along the skin of his hands. The word ‘ARMY’ spelt out of his group members' names. “I guess some of those experiences were good though.”

A warm smile washed over your face, lighting up your eyes.

Jungkook was right.

Some experiences were different— and they weren’t all enjoyable.

But some of them were good.

“I’m really glad I came here. Even if I didn’t really want to at first. I’ve learnt so much from you guys. I think I’ve grown a lot more too.”

Jungkook chuckled, ready to poke fun at you after your shared emotional moment. “I hope you don’t mean in height, because that certainly isn’t true.”

You rolled your eyes, shoving him slightly as you got up.

He looked slightly crestfallen as you began to exit his room. “Wait I didn’t mean to offend you!”

You giggled. “And you didn’t. I just need to go to bed. I’m tired, Kook.”

A bright grin washed over his face, white teeth popping out in a bunny like expression. “You called me Kook!”

You paused in his doorway. “No..”

Bolting towards, and before you could react he had his arms wrapped around you tightly.

This felt sickeningly similar.

The feeling of being deprived of air.

The world turned to pure black.

“Y/n?”

You blinked.

Right. That was just your memories. This was the present.

And there was no reason for you to be afraid.

Grabbing at Jungkook’s back you found your chin resting on his shoulder. He fidgeted, clearly surprised that you had returned his gesture.

“Yeah I called you Kook. Goodnight, Jungkook. Sleep well.”

He pulled back, even though you were his noona, a few years older than him even, he still stood a large majority taller than yourself. He leant down to press a light kiss onto your forehead. A brotherly action.

You pulled him into another hug quickly before running out of his room, trying in vain to hide your beaming face.

-✥-

“They’re coming over here? Them!” Aiko squealed, not even trying to conceal her inner fangirl.

“Yeah. And one of ‘them’ is my older brother.” You eyed up Aiko’s bouncy stage. “Don’t make it weird.”

Aiko huffed, placing her hands onto her hips, staring at you with a sassy pout. “I've never made things weird.”

Luna jumped up, feeding off Aiko’s overexcited energy. “We can introduce ourselves as a group right? That’ll be so cool! Using our stage names too!”

“You don’t even have a stage name.” Heeyoung pointed out.

Luna thrust a hand at herself dramatically. “My name is so beautiful I need no stage name.”

“Girls! Get ready, they’ve just arrived.” Your manager said offhandedly, obviously not grasping the weight of the rest of your group getting to perform in front of the most famous band in the world.

You all jumped up, standing in a line in front of the door, a few metres back so as to not scare the poor boys.

The door clicked open and a bodyguard stepped inside. He looked around, then stepping forwards and aside, he cleared the way for the tall man behind him to enter.

Your brother smiled softly at you as the rest of the group filed inside slowly. You could hear Aiko practically buzzing when Jimin stepped inside.

“2! 3! Bangtan. Hello, we’re BTS!”

“We know.” Ji-Eun muttered and you had to bite your tongue to suppress a laugh.

You stepped forward, taking in a breath. “Hello! We are UT-Opia!”

At the end for UT-Opia, the other girls joined in so it came out as a chorus.

Your manager waved his hand as if this wasn’t necessary at all. It probably wasn’t, but it made you feel professional.

“Introduce yourselves girls. I’m sure the boys don’t need to.”

Ji-Eun raised her hand. ��Manager, I’m sure I’ve told you, I don’t know BTS well at all.”

You giggled. Ji-Eun was ever blunt and honest. Your manager didn’t see this as a virtue though, and hung his face in his hands.

“It’s fine. Hi! I’m RM, rapper and leader of BTS.”

The following six members introduced themselves, to which Ji-Eun noticeably didn’t pay much attention to. Realising it was finally your turn, you took a deep breath, mustering your fleeting courage.

“I’m Y/n of UT-Opia. I'm the main vocalist and the leader.”

“I’m K.” Ji-Eun tried dismally to put any emotion into saying her stage name. “I'm the lead rapper and the oldest.”

“Hey! I’m Luna, lead dancer!” Luna accentuated the words ‘lead dancer’ with a flip of her dyed blonde hair.

“I’m Gem and I’m a main dancer.” Baram looked almost starstruck to be talking to BTS. She was normally overly confident and self certain, but right now she looked quite awed.

“I’m Cinnamon, it’s a stage name do not worry, and I’m a main dancer but I prefer the title of-”

Manager tapped his watch. Heeyoung smiled sympathetically at him, but regardless continued her speech. “I’m main dancer but I prefer the title of main rapper.” She looked down at her purple button up shirt and dark tracksuits that somehow looked fashionable. “I’m not as good at dancing as I am at styling.”

You could’ve sworn you heard Manager groan at her final wordings.

“I’m Aiko. I’m the youngest and I’m a sub vocal and also a dancer and sub rapper!”

Manager breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness that’s over. Girls do you have a song you could perform, you know, to show what you can do? The boys can give some pointers or something.”

He looked down hurriedly at his watch. “I’m late to a meeting. Thank you BTS for coming. Please take care of them.”

As soon as the uptight man rushed from the room, Yoongi dropped onto the ground along with Jimin, and on the other end of the room, Heeyoung.

“Let’s get rid of the formalities, alright?” Yoongi asked.

You nodded. “Ji-Eun, their names are Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook, alright?”

She frowned. “I would’ve addressed them by their hair colours if I didn’t know.”

“But unnie-” You began.

Hoseok cut you off with a laugh. “Sorry Y/n for interrupting. Just K has such a lack of care. It’s quite honestly refreshing when everyone treats you like kings of some kind.”

“My name isn’t actually K.” Ji-Eun pointed out. “It’s Ji-Eun. Call me Ji.”

“I’m Baram.” Gem added.

You noticed the boy's eyes trail to Heeyoung. She didn’t comply.

“I’m just Cinnamon. It’s my birth name.”

“Her name is Heeyoung.” You said, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes. “And the air of mystery is gone.”

“So what are you guys gonna perform?” Yoongi asked, eager to hear you sing.

You fiddled with your fingers. “We’re a mainly dance focused group, should we dance?”

“I want to hear you sing though.” Yoongi replied, not enforcing, but softly so he sounded as if he were reassuring you.

“Well.. I-” You begun.

Heeyoung leapt to her feet. “Well? Cmon! Let’s do that song!”

“Heeyoung and Aiko dragged you to your feet. “It’s a good song too!”

“I dunno.” You whispered.

Ji-Eun looked deep into your eyes. “There’s no harm in trying.”

And with that, you were in the middle of the room, a microphone in hand and the rest of your group spread around you.

Aiko pressed the player, turning on a quiet piano track you could remember sitting down and playing to record. It had been emotional by yourself, how would it be with people with you?

You took a deep breath.

No harm in trying.

Focusing on your voice instead of their reactions, you closed your eyes. As the words to your song left your lips, your mind wasn’t in the practice room. You were racing through all your bad memories.

And there was a light at the end of the foggy tunnel of pain.

A way out.

The last time Namjoon had heard you sing was before he went to audition for Bighit Entertainment. A long time ago. You had been just goofing around with him, he was rapping to the song and you were singing. He had showered you with compliments over your voice after that.

Would he still like your voice?

Your eyelids fluttered open. Ji-Eun, Heeyoung, Aiko and Baram were all moving rhythmically around you, moving with the music. Luna was dancing beside you in a smooth flowing form of actions. It wasn’t the normal hip hop or pop dancing she normally did. This was a more sorrow filled format. Her movements were lucid. She noticed you watching and made her way over to you. Her palm drew across your face, sliding your eyelids shut.

Only when you felt the moisture on her palm slide across your face did you realise you were crying. So much emotion was being poured into your voice that you hadn’t kept a tight enough lid on how you were acting physically.

You didn’t make the motion to wipe off your tears though.

The tears, the pain— they were part of your song.

Part of your life.

As the song drew to a close, your eyes opened again to see the astounded faces of the members of BTS. Yoongi’s eyes were wide and it seemed as if there was a slight sheen to them, a small amount of moisture. Hoseok, Jimin and Jin all looked amazed, and slightly guilty that you were crying. Jungkook and Taehyung were both blinking back tears. They had needed you a lot more than the others in your years of helping them with their mental health and hated seeing you upset.

The boys all had the same look of adoration and amazement plastered onto their faces. They were blown away by your voice, your emotion. By you.

Your brother was astounded though. A wave of emotions seemed to be rippling through his expressions all at once. It was a relief to hear your sweet voice once again, lifting and filling up the room as you sing your heart out. Pride overwhelmed him.

He was proud of you, of your voice. Of your emotions.

You fetched some drink bottles and took the chance to dry your eyes, handing a bottle to each member of your group.

“That was a really good song.” Yoongi noted. “The piano was superb as well. The lyrics.. they were really deep and heartfelt.

Aiko smiled. “That’s our Y/n writing and playing that song!”

Namjoon blinked slowly. “You wrote that song?”

“Y-yeah.” You gulped. Maybe he didn’t like it after all. “It’s not very good but-“

“Are you kidding me?” Namjoon yelped. “It was so good! The lyrics were so deep as Yoongi said! I can’t believe you’re such a good writer!”

You flushed a shade of crimson. “I-I-I thank you.”

“What is…” Yoongi’s voice trailed off. He peered at the moisture still in your reddened eyes. “Never mind.”

You flashed an okay-then smile at him and turned back to listen to how Hoseok and Jimin were critiquing their dancing— even though they would be the first to admit there was hardly anything to criticize. Jungkook began talking to you about some singing tips and you immersed yourself back into real life again. Pulling your mind out of your over active imagination.

-✥-

A nock came on your door when it was already late at night. In fact, if you stuck to your schedule you would already be in bed. But you found yourself sitting in your room, writing out lyrics to a song that you didn’t even need to write. You slowly opened the door, shutting off your light first so it looked as if you were about to go to bed, and not ignoring your schedule.

“Sorry Y/n. I know it’s a bit late.”

Yoongi stood in the hallway, shifting awkwardly, his eyes in contrast shon with a determination.

You felt your stomach fill with butterflies and you tried to quench the feeling. “No, it’s fine. What’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong. I just...I wanted to ask a question.”

“Fire away.”

He shook his head slightly. “Well it’s not just a casual question. And I want to make sure I’m not invading your privacy. But it’s about the song you sung earlier.”

You felt your heart drop, blood running cold while simultaneously goosebumps spiked onto your skin.

“You seemed very emotional.. not even seemed. You cried and I really want to know why. I just feel that if I wait any longer to ask you, it’ll be too late. Now feels like the right time.”

Sighing, you knew he was right. You couldn’t hide your demons forever. Even though you had talked to your therapist a bit about the incident, you had never gone into depth about it with your parents. You had never even told Namjoon. Your brother had no idea that it had happened.

And it was time that he knew.

“Can you go get Namjoon? I’m not ready to tell the others yet.”

You were really close to Yoongi, the time that you had spent in their housing really grew you close to him. He had picked up on your main reason for being there almost the third time you had talked to him. He didn't mind that you were partially there just to help their mental health.

When you first moved in he hadn’t been at his best, stressed over the band’s popularity and success. His OCD was worse than ever.

More upset than the others, you were eager to help him get back on his feet. At first however, Yoongi was cold to you. He didn’t think he needed your help. He could fix it himself.

And he thought you were stuck up and arrogant to think that you could help him. After all, you were only 25 years old. Who were you to help him?

But slowly and surely with your help, he managed to get a hand on his health. He accepted that you could help him. It came to a time when he was happy to talk to you, and looked forward to it even.

Telling them was hard, but it felt freeing. Like a weight you had been carrying for the past eight years was lifted. As if you had been chained to your trauma and couldn’t get free, and now the locks were opened.

“You were attacked?” Namjoon almost yelled. You shushed him, nodding. Even though Yoongi had told the other boys not to enter the recording studio, you didn’t want to run any risks of them hearing regardless.

“The place is sound proofed Y/n, don’t worry.” Namjoon looked apologetic, as if by yelling he had upset you somehow. “But you were attacked? When was this?!”

“When I was seventeen…”

He immediately let out a cry. “You never told me? I could’ve helped you! Did the person ever get caught? Held accountable?”

You shook your head. “It wasn’t a person… it was three men.”

Namjoon swore loudly. “Multiple people? Attacking a fucking teenager? Who the fuck do they think they are? Who are they Y/n?”

You felt someone’s warm hand slip into yours, giving your own a tight reassuring squeeze. You noticed you were trembling slightly. It wasn’t from Namjoon raising his voice. It was from realising the weight of what had happened to you, that had suddenly come crashing down onto your mind.

You kept your gaze focused on Yoongi’s hand grasping yours, trying not to look at your astonished brother's face.

“I… I don’t know. They.. weren’t found.”

Namjoon let out a loud growl. “So the authorities can’t even do their job and find these degenerates? Fuck them.”

“N-Namjoon they’re trying their best! It’s not their fault…”

A wave of sympathy and guilt washed over his face. “It’s not your fault either Y/n! It’s those stupid bastards fault!”

You held your free hand up to quiet him. “Namjoon, I know it’s not my fault.”

His eyes narrowed, staring deep beyond your skin. “You’re so different Y/n… I shouldn’t have left you. You’ve changed so much from the little girl I left in Ilsan.”

You shook your head. “I changed at first after the attack. When I miscarried my child,”

You heard the boys intake of breath when they heard miscarriage. Namjoon didn’t know that you had been pregnant. YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW. How could you talk about this without crying? Without breaking down?

It was so hard to think about let alone talk to someone else about. But it was your brother. He had a right to know. And you wanted him to know.

“I-it really changed me. I thought.. maybe I was to blame for my child’s death. After all, I was the mother.. I was meant to take care of my baby. And I didn’t.”

“Y-your child..?” Namjoon whispered.

The present had faded into a fog. It was if you were standing in the dark, pure silence enveloping you. All you could hear was your thoughts, booming louder than you could control.

Your child.

Yoongi softly touched your arm. “Y/n? You were.. pregnant when you were attacked?”

You shook your head slowly. “The attack.. I got pregnant after..”

The words clicked inside Yoongi and Namjoon’s minds, sudden rage boiling through them.

The child you had carried inside you. The innocent victim of ruthless men, who you were just as bad as. It wasn’t the child’s fault. You had decided to keep it after you were found to be pregnant, hoping that you would be able to provide the child a life better than it’s conception.

You found out only months later that due to complications of your physical and mental health sustained after the attack— the poor infant had died before even reaching half term.

You had failed them.

“Y/n.. it’s not your fault.” Yoongi murmured. “You couldn’t stop them from attacking you, you weren’t to know… it’s in no way your fault. It’s so brave that you kept the baby...”

You shook your head, hands coming up to wipe tears from your eyes. “I was the mother! How could I fail my baby? It wasn’t their fault that their father was a c-criminal! It wasn’t their fault that they were conceived from an assault! They were innocent! T-There’s always a way to save someone!”

Namjoon grabbed your hands in his. “Y/n, it isn’t your fault. I’m really sorry you had to go through that, that you still feel guilt. You were so brave to try and give them a life anyway, even if it hurt you. You shouldn’t feel any guilt. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. I love you, Y/n. And I’m here for you.”

You sniffled softly, glad for your brother's presence.

He was right.

You knew that.

You had known that for years. But it took someone else saying that for you to finally realise it was true.

It wasn’t your fault.

“Do you feel alright to continue, Y/n?” Yoongi murmured, an empathetic expression washing over his face. “We can take a break if you want…”

“No.” You smiled slightly, Yoongi’s caring side more than enough to reassure that you were safe. “I’m alright.”

Taking a deep breath, you continued your story. “I-I got addicted to drugs. I was completely off the rails, trying my best to cope with something I couldn’t handle. It was destroying me from the inside out. Eating away at my physical health as well as my mental state. My-... our parents, found out a little while after. I didn’t last that long before they discovered what happened.”

“They knew?” Namjoon cried, his choice cracking. “Why did no one tell me? I should’ve known! I would’ve helped you!”

You shook your head, tears filling your eyes. “You don’t understand Namjoon! If I would’ve told you you would’ve left BTS! You would’ve come back home!”

“Well yes! Of course!” Namjoon replied.

“I couldn't let you give up your dreams for me! I couldn’t be responsible for ruining my brother's life! Not when our parents were already so shocked and upset to hear the news! Mum was always so supportive to both of us! She tried her best to make me happy and comfortable! But it got to the point where they couldn’t handle it anymore.. they sent me to rehab.”

“Rehab?” Yoongi asked, his voice quieter than usual.

You nodded. “It really helped me. The people there were so kind. It took me a while, but I finally recovered.”

Namjoon’s heart had been thumping in his chest for the past ten minutes. He couldn’t bear the thought that anyone had dared to hurt his little sister. By all accounts, to him she was perfect. He couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to hurt her.

“I should’ve been there for you! I’m your older brother and I didn’t even get to support you! I didn’t get the chance.”

You felt your heart shaking within you. “N-Namjoon? I have to tell you something else too.”

Namjoon and Yoongi looked at you, nervous for whatever you were going to say. You took a deep, shaky breath.

“You know the people you were in a rap group with back at Ilsan?”

Namjoon’s heart stopped.

“T-they were the ones who attacked me.”

Anger flared inside Namjoon’s eyes. “My former friends?! Attacked you?”

You nodded reluctantly.

His head fell into his hands. “I can’t believe this.”

“I’ll kill them.”

You both turned to Yoongi, whose jaw was set in determination. “I’ll kill them.” He repeated, his eyes focused solely on you.

Namjoon quickly jumped in. “Me too. Those sick bastards think they can get away with hurting my sister? I-I-”

“No.” You whispered. “I’m fine.”

“Fine?” Namjoon snapped. “I never knew that you were this hurt! How could you be fine?”

“Rehab really cleared my head.. I finally got a chance to step back and for the first time in possibly years, think about what I wanted.”

“Y/n…”

Yoongi’s soft eyes were focused solely on you, in a way that would normally cause your heart to do somersaults. But not right now. The tension in the room was thick, the atmosphere that of a depressing one.

“You’re a fighter.”

You hadn't expected this response. You had expected some form of criticism, for him to tell you on for subbumcing so easily to the quick way to no pain.

You get your heart squeezing. You had never talked in depth about your feelings to your parents, but right now you would be willing to open your heart to Yoongi.

“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Sure, when you first got here I thought you were a snob, someone stuck up and ready to have the world handed to them simply for Namjoon’s achievements.”

Namjoon’s brow creased. “Watch how you talk about my sister hyung-”

“It’s alright.” You reassured him. “I trust his words mean no harm.”

Yoongi nodded instantly. “My views on you quickly changed. You cared for each of us, even if initially it was solely as a favour to Hitman Bang. And we began to care deeply for you. Because no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what tears you’ve shed and for what reasons, you always will mean so much to us. So much more than you can imagine.”

Yoongi wiped a tear from forming on the corner of his eye. He smiled sadly at you, regardless of the simplicity of the gesture, a wave of emotions spread through the one smile, rejuvenating and replenishing your drive, your focus.

“You deserve your happiness.”

You turned to the small voice.

He had spoken so much quieter than you had ever heard him speak before, the raw feelings in his voice transparent. “You deserve to be happy. You’ve been working so hard. You can’t just sacrifice your happiness for the benefit of others. I remember when we were growing up, you used to always make sure that I was okay if anything happened. Y/n, I’m your older brother. It’s okay to rely on me for support sometimes. You need me just as much as I need you. And that’s not a bad thing.”

You couldn’t hold yourself back any longer. You threw yourself against Namjoon’s chest, grabbing his back tightly, clasping him as if you could never let go.

“Y/n…”

You tried in vain to wipe your tears from your eyes, looking up at his strong face.

“It’s okay to cry. You don’t always have to smile. You’re still strong. And I’ll still love you anyway. You’re still my sister.”

You buried your face into his toned chest again. “N-Namjoon..I-I-I love you too.” You sniffled.

He gripped you tightly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s not your fault, Namjoon. It’s only their fault. Please don’t feel guilty.”

Pulling away from you, he wiped the tears off your moist cheeks. “Okay Y/n. For you, anything.”

A small cough was interjected into the comfortable silence of the room, reminding you that Yoongi was still there. Both you and your brother turned to him. His eyes were soft and empathetic, as if he didn’t want to spoil the moment, but couldn't wait any longer.

“C-can I please talk to Y/n alone?”

Namjoon considered his hyung. While he didn’t really want to leave his sisters side, he knew that Yoongi wouldn’t ask it he wouldn’t take care of her. Namjoon knew he could trust him.

“Okay.” He relented. “Y/n, I love you. Just say if you need anything.”

On his way out he grabbed Yoongi’s shoulder bringing the older man against him.

“Make sure she’s okay. Don’t you dare hurt her.”

Yoongi nodded. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I was in a dark place once. I wasn’t happy. It felt like the world was against me.”

Now that you were alone with Yoongi, he seemed a lot less cold, and a lot more caring. The off putting gaze he had on accident given you multiple times was replaced with soft eyes that seemed to drip honey.

“I got through it. And I’m heaps weaker than you. I don’t have the mental endurance that you have, nor the fighting spirit. If anyone can overcome this situation— it’s you.”

You wiped your eyes with your hands. It was so reassuring to have someone believe in you. To have someone who was backing you up.

“You know, I can’t believe how strong you are. To be able to recover from that in just years? And with only really your own strength? I really admire it. It’s amazing.”

You blushed slightly. “I didn’t really have much choice.”

He sighed, eyes scanning the door as if someone might burst in any second.

“Y/n… I shouldn’t be saying this. But I can’t hold onto my feelings any longer. I really like you.”

Your heart began racing and you could feel your skin begin to heat up.

Could Yoongi see how nervous you were?

You hoped he couldn’t.

“I-I-”

He grabbed your hand tightly, making your face flush.

“Y/n, you don’t have to answer me right now. I can wait as long as you need. I would wait forever for you.”

“Y-Yoongi I really like you too. I know I’m not always perfect but I-”

Yoongi’s body fell against yours, his arms wrapping around your frame. He stroked your hair slowly, burying his face in your shoulder.

“You don’t have to be perfect. Your flaws make you humans.” He pulled back slightly, playing with your hair as he looked right through you. “I believe you can overcome your flaws. They don’t make you a bad person. They make you you.”

You giggled slightly. It was weird to hear Yoongi so sweet. Normally he stayed away, his face in a resting serious face. You were so happy to see him smile.

“I’m so glad you like me back. I was so worried.”

“Me too…”

He pulled away one last time, his face weighted with a burden that hadn’t been obvious before. Or had you just not noticed.

“Y/n.. I know your past. So I think it’s time you found out mine.”

Your mouth opened slightly, eyes widening.

“Really? You trust me that much?”

He nodded, grinning. Then he frowned again. “Not all of it will be pretty. I-it might shock you a bit.”

You squeezed his hand that was still in yours. He blushed.

“I’m ready.”

[lys-lilac]

Washed over by Jealousy

A/N: The original work and the characters concept belong to Voltage Inc. The fanfiction and the character Hinata Arata is a work by me. Story taken is Romance MD: Always on Call. 

Part(1/2)

[my lines will be like this in between]

Intro: Just when you think you are getting over the fact that Dr. Kasumi belongs only to you, and when everything is going well, the uneasy feelings of yours now seem to be reciprocated. It’s now the turn of Dr. Kasumi to get jealous for you. How will you feel when you come to know that the country’s top cardiovascular surgeon is so much head over heels for you that he is infatuated? 

[Present night: Kasumi’s house]

MC: Let me make some coffee.

Kasumi: Sure.

Kyogoku: Make sure it’s of proper quality. And don’t blow the kitchen.

MC: Even after I serve coffee every other day...

It has become a norm for me, Kasumi and Kyogoku to discuss new medical papers or any other research paper related to new diseases every week. If it’s held at my home, then we must have arrived direct from the hospital. So the other two leave after the discussion to ensure that I am getting enough rest. This week’s discussion was in Kasumi’s house, since we all left early from the hospital. After having the delicious dinner prepared by Kyogoku, I suggest coffee to make ourselves more alert during the talk. 

*ring-ring*

As I was making coffee, my phone starts to ring. Both the boys become concerned, looking at me, thinking it was an emergency call. Since it’s an unknown number and thinking the same as both of them, I answer without delay. 

MC: Yes, this is Dr. MC. What can I help wi-

Unknown: I am having a problem of inability to reach a journal junkie’s head for a while now...

MC: This voice... Hinata?!

Unknown: What took you so long to recognize, of course it’s me.

MC: You didn’t even say anything before calling, how could I have heard your voice?

Shaking my head to both of them in disapproval to nothing serious, I continue talking to Hinata. He and I have been in touch via messages, but I never thought he would call me. 

MC: So, why did you call today so suddenly? Don’t say me you became so engrossed in music that you can’t move yourself now, and have turned into a musical statue...

Hinata: Oh, shut up. 

Hinata: I wanted to give you a surprise, so called you.

MC: I am hanging up-

Hinata: Hey wait! I have not even started yet! 

MC: Go on.

Hinata: Do you have some free time this Sunday?

MC: Hmm, if I exclude the only operation that’s in the morning, then yes.

Hinata: Perfect! Check your mailbox now.

MC: I am not at home now. But, I will do when I get home. 

Hinata: You, always taking the mood down. Anyway, let me reveal it to you. You are coming to my concert this Sunday!

MC: What?!!

Hinata and I both studied in high school together and were the best of friends. Whenever I felt stressed, he always heard me out, and played his guitar to soothe me. 

[Flashback]

MC: Hinata, you play the guitar so well, and even have a soothing voice. What do you want to become when you grow up?

Hinata: Take a guess.

MC: Hmm, if you are going to become a job-person someday, you might lose your talent.... Ah, then how will I hear your voice?

Hinata: You dummy. I want to become... no, I will become a singer someday.

MC: Wow, that’s really cool! Then, can I come see your concert?

Hinata: Of course, you will always be invited first, as you are my best friend!

MC: Yay!!!

[Flashback ends]

When Hinata debuted, I went to see his concert. And, he was amazing. Till the present day, he has garnered a huge audience and a lot of fans. Since his debut was 2 years ago, I never visited him or met him once till that day, due to my busy schedule.

Hinata: Hello hello?

MC: Ah, yes! I will be happy to!

Hinata: I have sent you a couple of tickets, so make sure to bring all your handsome surgeons with you! I also want to give them a good time relaxing.

MC: Sure, I will try to, but liste-

Hinata: Alright, so Hinata, over and out!

MC: Hey wait, you!

*beep*

Hinata cuts the call just after listening to my conversation. I haven’t yet revealed to him that Kasumi and I both are dating. Oh well, I guess I will do that when I see him at the concert. Thinking it, I return to my seat with the tray of 3 cups of coffee.

Kyogoku: You sure do know how to waste our time.

MC: It’s not like that! I just got connected to an old friend, so talk got longer.

Kyogoku: Hinata Arata, a singer who just debuted two years ago, and has won the interests of many companies worldwide. What exactly were you talking to the superstar, being your friend and all?

Kasumi: ...

Somehow, Kasumi seems completely silent. Maybe he is interested to listen to full talk rather than interrupting?

MC: Actually, Hinata and I were high school friends. And since it has been two years since he debuted and my visit to his performance, he wants all of us to visit his concert this Sunday. Are you all free?

Kyogoku: What?

MC: Please!

Kyogoku: Even though I wanted to go to ensure that you act as a repellant for Kasumi, but I have an operation scheduled that day. So, you two should go.

MC: Alright, but what about others? 

Kyogoku: Do you think they will want to interfere in a date? Have you really left your brain somewhere?

MC: Da-date... You mean only me and Kasumi, and none of you?

Kyogoku: Huh... I am leaving. I can’t concentrate further. 

MC: Ok, wishing you good night.

Kyogoku: Night.

As I see off Kyogoku, I realize that I haven’t got confirmation from the main person till now. I return back to study and see Kasumi reading a journal from his tablet.

MC: Kasumi...

Kasumi: Hm?

MC: Are you ok, if we go to Hinata’s concert? I really want to go, but if only you accompany me. 

Kasumi: MC.

MC: Yes?

Kasumi sets his tablet down, and takes a seat beside me. He cups my face with his hands with a smile on his face.

Kasumi: As long as you are happy, I will go with you.

MC: Thank you so much!!

I say to him as I bury myself in his chest. Sometimes, I can’t even believe myself that I got an angel like him as my boyfriend. It makes me so happy to stay by his side. I can listen his clear heartbeats and can smell his sweet scent. Stopping our studies there, we both decide to sleep.

[Afternoon: Concert dome]

[Random picture]

MC: Woah, it’s so close to the stage!

Kasumi: Yeah.

The seats that Hinata booked for us are VIP ones. View of the stage from the place is perfect. Since all the guys turned us down as Kyogoku said, both of us end up in the hall at last.

MC: Oh, come to think of it, I never asked you about which types of songs you like. 

Kasumi: I prefer classics, like soft piano, or anything like that.

MC: Yeah! I noticed the other day when a patient asked to put some piano music for his surgery, that you were humming.

MC: Apparently, he got attracted to your voice. And of course, why not, that voice of yours is literally a tranquilizer! Ah, even those lectures of yours-

As I trail off, a shadow comes close to me. Kasumi comes close to me and whispers in my ear-

Kasumi: That is only reserved for you.

MC: !

Oh. God. That voice, a little raspy and baritone, lingers in my mind. It’s so appealing that I can literally melt. As I was thinking this, a soft kiss lands on my cheek, and he intertwines his hands with mine. Thanks to the dim light, my reddened ears and cheeks are not visible to him.

But, for some reason, I feel eyes on us. Not ‘us’, but probably on ‘Kasumi’. Girls seated just beside me start to ask one by one.

Girl 1: Hey hey, is he your friend? 

Girl 2: Mind introducing him to us?

Girl 3: He is literally a god! How is he so beautiful?

MC: Uhh, he is my-

My words are cut short as they ignore me and approach Kasumi. What?! Even here, can’t they recognize this national treasure? Of course, he is always in formal wear whenever he appears on TV and magazines, but only his casual style of dressing here can’t hide his beauty! Maybe the lighting?

Girl 1: The seats beside you are empty, so can we sit there?

Girl 2: You are so handsome~

Girl 3: We are alone in the concert, so we will be happy if you hang out with-

Ah stooopppp!!!!

MC: HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!!! Who do you think you are hitting on?!

Kasumi: She is right.

I glare at them while I grasp the arms of Kasumi and lean my cheeks on his shoulders. 

Girl 2: Wait, this voice... 

Girl 3: Dr. Kasumi Toshiki??!!

MC: You realize it now?

Girl 1: And you are, Dr. MC?

Kasumi: Mind if we enjoy our date by ourselves?

MC: Girls, keep your voice down. You will disturb ever- wait wha?

I am surprised that Kasumi is handling the situation so calmly and even is direct with them to such an extent. He is as cool as a cucumber, no doubt, but declaring this with a straight face makes me a little bit shy. Just then, Kasumi shakes our intertwined hands in front of them. Without any further word, they return to their seat.

MC: Yes! Now I can proudly say to Dr. Kyogoku that I protected you! That guy always takes advantage of me by saying this... I will beat him this time!

Kasumi: Pfft...

MC: Hey, why are you laughing? My heart was literally going a mile per beat! 

Kasumi: I am just amazed that my MC is becoming bolder day by day.

MC: Now stop there...

As I speak, the announcement of starting of the concert goes, bringing our conversation to stop there.

The spotlights fall on the center of the stage. Amidst a huge ocean of cheers, the star takes the spot. Holding a guitar and headset mic on his face, Hinata smiles at the crowd. Suddenly, he looks at me and gives a little wave with his hands. That makes me a little surprised.

Hinata: Thank you everyone for making time out of their busy schedule and for coming to my concert! I will make sure to make you all re-energized! Shall we start?

All: Yeah!!!!

The power that Hinata has with his singing and handling the audience is the main reason why he attracts many people. He never lets any fan feel bored. 

He starts with a familiar song. That’s... that’s the song he always played for me in school! Unknown to me, tears well up in my eyes. Following the song, he sings many songs, sometimes stopping in between and talking between the audience. The concert is so enthralling that without realizing, 3 hours pass so fast. All the time, with a light stick, I cheer him or wave my light stick and sing along with him.

After the concert, both Kasumi and I prepare to drop by the hospital to check the post-OP conditions of some patients. 

[Evening: In the car]

As Kasumi drives us to the hospital, the silence between us makes me feel awkward. So, I decide to start up a conversation.

MC: So, how was the concert, Kasumi?

Kasumi: ...

MC: Kasumi?

Kasumi: Hm? Oh, it was good.

Dr. Kasumi, of all people is giving a late response? What is it that he is thinking about? I have never seen him like that.

MC: Right, I should give you something as a thank-you gift for accepting my request. Anything in my limit, you can ask.

Kasumi: Oh?

As he steps on the breaks at the red light, he takes off his seatbelt, leans over and presses his lips onto mine. 

MC: ---!

Those tender lips, I can never get enough of them. His silky hair brushes against my cheek, making it feel warm. Savoring the moment, I close my eyes. After who knows how long, he reluctantly separates and put his forehead over mine. 

Kasumi: This is more than enough. But-

MC: But?

A teasing look forms on his face.

Kasumi: I want more, later.

MC: Wha?

Kasumi: What, are you disagreeing?

MC: No, I mean, yeah... err..

Kasumi: Let’s go.

The signal turns green at the same time, and we both leave for the hospital.

~

Ah, this is making me feel so awkward!! I mean, I have never worked on a super tease and jealous Kasumi before. Let me know what you think, and stay tuned for the next part. Warning, brace yourselves, cause that is going to be even more exciting!

Continue to Part 2

[caye-otome-translations]

100 Days Princess Event - Royal Prince Stage Episode 03 (Translated)

Quick Links:

Events Page

Prologue

Previous: Episode 02

Next: Premier End

Louis Howard’s Route

Byron Wagner’s Route

Giles Christophe’s Route Episode 03 Part 01/05

Giles: “It’s been a while since we’ve used this place.”

MC: “Oh, yeah.”

(This place is free to use as long as you have permission.)

(We came here a lot back when I had received acting lessons from Giles.)

The scent of wood brought back nostalgic memories.

(Back when I first made my debut as an actress...)

-flashback-

MC: “Hey...Giles-san. I have something I have been meaning to ask you.”

Giles: “What is it?”

MC: “...Can you teach me how to act?”

Giles: “Are you sure? Why...?”

MC: “I know it’s last minute and I’m probably bothering you.”

MC: “But I feel self-conscious about co-starring with Giles-san in this drama.”

MC: “I’m just an amateur actress compared to Giles-san.”

Giles: “You are new to this, so it can't be helped.”

MC: “Still, I can’t afford to be lacking in skill. I don't want to disappoint the viewers.”

Giles: “...If you want to get good at acting, there are other talented actors signed by the company you can ask for help.”

Giles: “So why specifically ask me…?”

MC: “...Before we were co-stars, I was always a fan of Giles-san and your work on TV.”

Giles: “What…?”

MC: “I was especially impressed when I saw Giles-san cry during a scene in one of your dramas...”

MC: “I desperately wanted to be able to act like that myself.”

MC: “So, if possible, I would like to ask Giles-san to teach me how to act.”

Giles: “...”

MC: “...Giles-san?”

As I looked up at him nervously, Giles-san suddenly softened his expression.

Giles: “...I will have to fill out a form first to send to the company so we can rent a place for us to practice.”

MC: “...! Well, then…”

Giles: “Didn’t you just say you wanted to receive acting guidance from me?” *Top Left Picture*

Giles: “Though I should warn you beforehand, I don't spoil my students. Can I rely on you to be prepared…?” *Top Right Picture*

MC: “...Thank you!”

-flashback ends-

After that, Giles taught me how to act without ever once treating me like an inexperienced actress.

Giles Christophe’s Route Episode 03 Part 02/05

(Though, he also showed me a lot of kindness while I worked by his side…)

(I fell in love with Giles because of his serious attitude towards acting.)

Giles: “Do you miss it?” *1st Middle Left Picture*

MC: “What?”

Giles smiled and tilted his head as I turned around to look at him.

Giles: “I was just wondering because you looked to be deep in thought.”

MC: “Yes. There are various memories I have made with Giles here.”

Giles: “We’ve been really busy recently, the only time we really see each other now is when we film as co-stars in the drama.”

MC: “Yeah…”

(But it doesn’t matter if we have been seeing each other less, the feelings I have for him never faded.)

As I stared at him, I felt nostalgic seeing him in this room.

Giles caught me staring.

Giles: “So… shall we start practicing now?”

MC: “Yes! Please.”

I shook myself out of my daze and tried to appear enthusiastic, then pulled the script out from my bag.

***

As I got into the role of a heiress, I faced Giles, who got into the role of her fiancé.

MC: “Please annull our engagement.”

Giles: “Why…?”

MC: “I…don't want to marry someone I don't love just because that’s what my parents told me to do.”

Giles: “I meant why are you still asking me that?”

MC: “Ah…”

Giles grabbed my wrist and forcefully pulled me towards him.

Giles: “Just give up already. Your marriage to me has been planned for a long time now…” *1st Middle Right Picture*

Giles: “And if that’s not enough to convince you to stay…then I want you to grow to love me.”

Giles’ cold eyes gazed at me as his face approached closer to mine…

*princess check*

Giles Christophe’s Route Episode 03 Part 03/05

MC: “I…don't want to marry someone I don't love just because that’s what my parents told me to do.”

Giles: “I meant why are you still asking me that?”

MC: “Ah…”

Giles grabbed my wrist and forcefully pulled me towards him.

Giles: “Just give up already. Your marriage to me has been planned for a long time now…”

Giles: “And if that’s not enough to convince you to stay…then I want you to grow to love me.”

Giles’ cold eyes gazed at me as his face approached closer to mine…

MC: “...”

As I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, I held my breath.

Giles: “You’re too obvious, MC.” *2nd Middle Left Picture*

MC: “Oh…”

When I opened my eyes and my face heated up, his teasing smile appeared in front of me.

Giles: “When your face turns bright red like that…you don’t look like a heiress who wants to break off her engagement.” *2nd Middle Right Picture*

MC: “...I’m sorry.”

Giles: “It’s no big deal. Should we practice controlling it…?”

MC: “That…would probably be best.”

When I smiled back at him, Giles released my body.

(He is calm and generous... It seems that my heart is the only one that’s beating really fast. I'm a little disappointed.)

Giles: “What’s wrong, MC? Look at me.”

MC: “It’s...nothing.”

(If I don't calm down soon and keep a clear head, I won’t be able to act...)

(My career is on the line.)

I took a deep breath and exhaled to calm down my noisy heartbeat.

MC: “Can I ask to do the scene over again…?”

Giles: “Yes, let’s start over from the same place.”

***

10 minutes later…

Giles: “MC, should we take a break…?”

MC: “...Yes, please.”

I sat down with my back against the wall and covered my hot face with my hands.

(I’m so nervous that I can’t act well at all…)

Giles Christophe’s Route Episode 03 Part 04/05

When I let out a small sigh, Giles sat down next to me and touched me.

MC: “Giles…?”

Giles: “Please, can I ask you to just continue doing your best? I promise I’ll be here with you until you're satisfied.” *3rd Middle Left Picture*

MC: “Yes… Thank you.”

His hand that stroked my cheek was so gentle that it was hard to believe that he was the same person who had cold eyes earlier when we were acting.

(Whenever he touches me like this...I want a lot more.)

The tickling sweet air was tense between us and I opened my mouth before I could stop myself.

MC: “Hey, I’ve always wanted to ask Giles something...”

Giles: “What is it?”

MC: “Why did Giles become a news anchor?”

Giles: “Well… maybe it was because I wanted to experience doing other things besides acting and being an idol.”

Giles: “If you narrow down your horizons, you also reduce your potential.” *3rd Middle Right Picture*

His calm voice held passion, and I admired his answer.

(Wow…there’s already so many things in front of him that he can grab for.)

(But Giles wants to aim for something even higher.)

MC: “Giles has always been passionate and serious about his work.”

Giles: “...No, I’m not that serious about it.”

MC: “Huh?”

Giles: “Actually, there’s another reason why I became a news anchor.”

MC: “Is that so?”

Giles suddenly looked embarrassed and averted his gaze away from me.

Giles: “Yes. ...But it’s a secret.”

Giles Christophe’s Route Episode 03 Part 05/05

Giles: “Yes. ...But it’s a secret.”

(...? I wonder what is so hard for him to tell me.)

As I pondered it, Giles stood up to end the conversation.

Giles: “Now, let’s resume our practice.”

MC: “Okay. Please, let’s try again.”

Giles: “Yes, let’s do our best.”

Although I was still worried about what Giles said earlier, I decided to just concentrate on acting now.

***

A few days later, the day we filmed the kiss scene finally arrived…

(I had practiced a lot, so I should be okay now.)

(By the end of our practice, Giles also praised me for how more natural my performance had gotten...)

Giles put his hand on my shoulder as I watched the setting sun over the sea.

Giles: “MC, are you okay?”

MC: “Yes. Thanks to our practice, I think I am used to the idea of fake kissing now.”

MC: “I think I will be able to remain calm for the kiss scene and concentrate on my acting.”

As I confidently told him that, Giles frowned briefly.

Giles: “I see…”

MC: “Giles…?”

Giles: “...I don’t like that everything has to be so complicated.” *Bottom Left Picture*

MC: “Huh…?”

Giles smiled and shook his head, his previous words having been drowned out by the sound of the waves.

Giles: “Nothing.”

Giles: “Are you saying I should be expecting better results than from when we practiced...?” *Bottom Right Picture*

MC: “Y-yes…”

(He looked kind of sad for a second back there…but what did he say?)

I wanted to ask him, but one of the crew members came to call me and I was unable to say any more.

***

I faced Giles against the background of the pale red sea.

Giles: “And if that’s not enough to convince you to stay…then I want you to grow to love me.”

MC: “...”

As practiced, Giles forcefully grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.

(It’s okay. Just like we practiced…)

Just as I told myself that, Giles’ gaze on me suddenly burned hot…

MC: “...Mmph…!?”

*princess check*

[mywonuderful]

Not So Cold-Hearted Pt.19

Summary: Y/N, a member of a popular newly debut girl group and Wonwoo has what some may call a relationship with emotional ambivalent. Will their relationship remain cold-blooded or will they finally come to an agreement and become something more?

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x Reader

A/N: Sorry but this will be a shorter update than normal. Anyways, I know I may be a little late to start this but upon request, I’ll be making a taglist for this series! (I’ll be adding it onto the previous parts as well) if anyone is interested in being added into the taglist for this series, please feel free to send in a ask or message me!

masterlist

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

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“W-What?” You shuttered out. “There’s no way. She looks so young and flirtatious with you.” You pointed out as Wonwoo lets out a chuckle, making you even more messed up.

“She looks young. She’s actually almost 20 years older than me.” Wonwoo explained as you took a step back, shocked. “How about we go back to the restaurant and I’ll explain everything properly?” He takes a step forward as you stuck your hand out, feeling your face flush in embarrassment.

“Wait... Let me just... process this thoroughly” you whispered as you tried adding the pieces up of what he just explained. Wonwoo crossed his arms looks at you with a small smirk on his face, looking amused at your state.

“Wonwoo baby you’re back already? You’ve never shown that much love before.” his aunt brought out the dishes, smiling lovingly at him before glancing at you.

“I told her everything already so you can cut it with your act.” Wonwoo picked up his cutlery and started eating. You looked up at her as she pouted.

“Aww, why’d you always have to take away the fun?” She whined as she took a seat beside Wonwoo. You slowly started eating, staring down at your food to avoid any eye contact but you could see her resting her elbow on the table, her chin on top of her palm, observing you.

“Since you ruined all the fun, I guess i should properly introduce myself. I’m Wonwoo’s aunt, Seri.” You looked up at her, nodding as you smiled awkwardly, not knowing how to act in this situation.

“Nice to meet you Miss Seri-”

“That makes me sound old! Just call me “Seri unnie!” She brightly smiled at you. Somehow, you drawn to her bright personality.

“But you are old, Seri.” Wonwoo state matter-of-factly as she nudged his shoulder, glaring at him. “I already told her your age-”

“YAH! But I look a lot much younger than my age don’t I?” She leans in towards you, making you almost choke on your food.

“When I first met you, I thought you were around the same age as us.” You confessed as she lets out a satisfied chuckled.

“And I bet that when you first met me, you also thought that I was his girlfriend as well. Am I not wrong?” She raised an eyebrow with a smirk, as Wonwoo stops eating. You met his eyes for a second before looking away, letting out a weak chuckle.

“I think you got it wrong.” You tried to remain as confident with your words. Seri looks at you with a smug look before giving you a wink, as you looked down on your plate, feeling your cheeks redden.

Once the you were finished with your food, Seri started chit chatting with you as Wonwoo quietly scrolls through his phone, join in the conversations here and there.

“You know what’s weird is that Wonwoo told me that I was his ideal type.” She  spoke. “Even though I’m his aunt, it definitely feels weird hearing it from him. Maybe he’s into older woman?”

“I can totally see it.” You thoughtlessly spoke while taking a bite of out the melon she brought out. Wonwoo and Seri froze as they looks at you before you realized you spoke out loud.

“You can totally see it?” Wonwoo questioned, taking his eyes off his phone for once.

“Uh... I recall hearing it in one of your interviews... I think? Haha, must be a mistake.” You nervously laughed trying to cover it up.

“What a stalker.:

“It’s not my problem it was the first thing I saw when I turn on the TV” You lied

“It’s not my problem Seventeen is popular. Or in this case, I’m popular.”

“You? Popular? My ass.”

“You should see how many DMs I get. I can’t help but to be that breathtaking.”

“Yeah wait until I tell them that your ideal type is your aunt, let’s see how that goes about.”

“Alright alright alright. And hey, I’ll say that I’m a pretty hot aunt.” She cuts between the two of you bickering. “How interesting. I’ve never seen Wonwoo fuss with someone this much. Or even talk this much. Especially towards a female.” You crossed your arms, sitting back on the chair as you looked away, feeling annoyed.

“I don’t understand why either. It’s not like he’s winning or anything.” You mumbled.

“...Don’t tell me you guys are acting like kids, fussing around when you secretly have a crush on each other.” She narrowed her eyes, moving her head to you then Wonwoo.

“I’m going to use the washroom.” Wonwoo stands up and left without another word, leaving you and Seri alone.

“This is my chance.” Seri smiled and rushed over to you, telling you scoot over to the next seat.

“Yes?” You asked with confusion.

“Wonwoo and I hold a very special relationship. I know he doesn’t have a lot to say but trust me, when he’s around someone he’s comfortable with, he can surely speak a lot. Now, I’ve been seeing him grow up as a baby and he has never brought over a girl, or even mention a girl. Until you.”

“Until me?”

“Wonwoo mentioned your name. He’s been acting quite weird lately. He came to be the other day, expressing how he’s feeling some pain in his chest and that his mind can’t stop wandering. Next thing you know, he just blurted out your name. I tried asking why but he was just so confusion in his feelings.” Seri explained.

“That’s weird... I’ve been going through something similar as well.” You thought out loud, deeply trying to figure out why when you heard Seri let out a chuckle.

“Then it all makes sense.” You tilted your head, brows furrowed in confusion. “The both of you are in love with each other.” 

“What? No. I don’t see how any of this makes sense.” You scoffed at her nonsense.

“It does. You or Wonwoo just won’t admit it. Your heart is telling you to accept it but you keep on rejecting it. Which is why you’re messed up in your feelings.” You looked at her, trying to not believe in her words. “Y/N, I’m not saying this because I’m his aunt. I know Wonwoo comes off a little cold but he is honestly the sweetest person ever. He’s a little emotionless, especially around females only because he doesn’t know how to act and that he’s nervous. But if he cares for someone, he becomes really attached to that person and slowly loosens up. And I think Wonwoo is feeling a little something towards you. Even if it doesn’t look like it.” 

“I don’t think so. There’s no way.” you rejected, not allowing your thoughts to consider it.

“That’s just you saying that. Maybe if you give a chance and listen to your heart, you’ll feel something else. Both of you have fragile hearts and I know both of you are a little puzzled and scared.” You heard the inner doors of the washroom opening, signalling that Wonwoo is coming out. “But at the end of the day, both need each other.” She patted your head.

“What are you two taking about?” Wonwoo approached the table as Seri stood up, smiling. You couldn’t help but to stare at Wonwoo after what she said.

“Nothing. She was just sharing some secrets on how I can still even more youthful.” Seri patted her face, letting out a giggle.

“What, Is there something on my face?” Wonwoo touched his face, snapping you back to reality.

“N-No.” You looked away, gazing over at Seri who was behind soft smiling.

“Well, as much as I want to keep you guys here. I’m sure the both of you are tried with the awards show coming up.” She clasped her hands together as you took this as a signal for you to leave. She walked the two of you out the door nagging at Wonwoo to take care of himself.

“Bye, Seri. Thanks for the meal again.” Wonwoo waved and started walking with you behind. You quickly turned around, mouthing a ‘thank you’ for the chat from earlier. She nodded her head, understanding what you meant as she gave you two fists as a ‘good luck.’ Though you haven’t come to a conclusion to your feelings, you definitely found something new about Wonwoo. As you walked behind Wonwoo, you observed his broad built shoulders, his tall height and his... eyes?

“Why are you looking at me like that. If there’s something in my face just tell me.” He was facing you. Your eyes widen, as you didn’t even realize when he turned aorund.

“There’s nothing in your face. It’s perfectly fine.”

“I know it’s perfectly fine. I am perfect after al-”

"Okay okay, I get it. You win. I’m too tired to even finishing hearing your useless statements.” You flapped your hand while letting out a small yawn.

“So you’re full of energy before you eat but all tried after a meal? That’s a bit odd.” He spoke as you rubbed your eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Back at the park. You were going on and on blabbering about your assumptions of my aunt, cutting me off, not listening to what I have to-”

“I don’t know what do to me back there. Sorry.” You quickly spoke, confused at yourself on why you acted that way as well as you mumbled the apology.

“Right. Why were you acting that way? Does Y/N.... Have something to say to me?” Wonwoo suddenly leaned down towards you face. Your eyes widen from his sudden movements as you stepped back, almost falling. “I’m just joking.” 

“Taking advantage of me because of my exhausted state, huh?” You nervously laughed while your felt your heat beating extremely fast. He hummed as the two of you quietly walked back, beside by beside, speaking in short conversations here and there.

“Thanks. You didn’t have to walk me home.” You thanked him as you approached your dormitory.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice. I live a few houses down anyways so I kind of have to pass your house to get home.” He rolled his eyes you gave him a glare.

“I was only trying to be nice, for a change.” You mumbled

“I know. But it takes more than that for me to consider that as nice.” He teased

“Fine, I’ll wait for you to walk to your dorm then. Since you always wait for me to head in first.” You crossed your arms, almost challenging him. He eyes gazed over your head before looking down on you with his blank expression. “What? You don’t have to feel like a princess for once?”

“No. But I don’t think your members will let either of us live if we wait for one of us to leave.” He gives a small wave as you turned your heel and noticed all your members crowded on the living room window that looks out to the front of the building. You could already hear their voices of their conversations in your head. You let out a sigh as you turned back to face him as he lightly shrugs his shoulder.

“Right....”

“But I mean, I don’t mind feel like a princ-”

“Forget it, bye.” You turned and started walking as you heard him chuckle, followed by his light footsteps. You had a sudden urge to turn and look back but you pushed the feeling away and unlocked the door, hearing your members run down the stairs like animals.

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