#if you (or anyone else) do feel like checking either of these fics out I'd be overjoyed

[captainsophiestark]

To The Stars

Rhysand x Reader

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Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses

Summary: With war on the horizon, Rhys and his mate have been busier than should be possible, with almost no time to even see each other. But sometimes, to stay sane, you have to make time.

Word Count: 1,064

Category: Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I squinted at the words on the paper in front of me, trying to get them to stop blurring. My eyes burned, and my head ached, and before I knew it, I was face down on the desk.

Not the first time it had happened to me, and probably not the last. But the Night Court was basically the only court who had our shit together and stood a chance at stopping Hybern, which meant it was on me and the rest of the Inner Circle to organize what we needed to organize to save the world as we knew it. That tended to lead to a lot of exhaustion.

Even worse, it had left me no time to see my mate, Rhysand, as we were both running around like maniacs, often in different directions. His face floated across my subconscious as I fought to stay awake despite my body begging me to rest my eyes and stay down on the desk. I thought I'd finally lost the battle when I heard his voice, calling my name in his smooth, soothing voice that had come to feel like home. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder, and realized this wasn't an exhaustion-induced dream.

I groaned, slowly dragging myself back into a sitting position as I blinked at Rhys through bleary eyes. He hardly looked better than me, with dark bags under his eyes. Still, he pulled a soft smile onto his face when he looked at me.

"You look about as tired as I feel," he said, voice a little more gravelly than usual. I huffed a sigh.

"I'm absolutely exhausted. But we have to do what it takes to have a chance at winning this war."

"We do."

The silence hung between us for a moment, the massive weight we carried together resting heavily on our shoulders. Then Rhys, my wonderful mate, sighed and gave me a tired smile, running his hand along my cheek.

"Come outside with me."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but his face didn't change. I held his stare, but when his calm expression didn't crack with even a hint of what he was up to, I finally gave in with a sigh of my own.

"Fine. But only because I love you so much. If anyone else was asking me to accompany them for mysterious reasons rather than wading through these papers or sleeping, I would tell them to fuck right off."

"I'll make sure to remember how lucky I am to be met with a different response."

I snorted, at myself more than him, and he shot me a small smile as I got to my feet. He held out a hand and led me out of our bedroom and up the stairs to the roof.

"If we had even a single extra second to string together, I would've told you to close your eyes first," Rhys said, a smile in his voice from ahead of me. I raised an eyebrow, more curious than ever as he stepped out onto the roof of the Velaris townhouse and I followed after him.

Rhysand stared at me with a massive grin on his face, holding his arms out slightly on either side in a 'ta-da' gesture. I looked just past him to find a nest of blankets assembled on the roof, with glasses of sparkling wine waiting for us. A small fire roared in a firepit that hadn't been there the last time I'd checked.

"We have to rest at some point, or so I've been told by every other member of our court. And if I have to take a break, I'd much prefer to take it with you."

I smiled, none of the tiredness leaving me but most of the tension draining away. I crossed the short distance between me and my mate, wrapping my arms around him tightly and breathing in his scent. I could hear his heart beating in his chest, the soft thud mixing with the crackling fire, and for just a moment everything was right with the world.

"How did I get so lucky as to find you?" I asked, a soft smile on my face as I at last pulled back to look at Rhys. The corner of his mouth quirked up, and he leaned in until his lips were just a breath away from mine.

"I wonder the same thing, how we could be so lucky to find each other, almost every day that I walk this world," he murmured. My heart swelled, and a heartbeat later Rhys closed the distance between us. I lost myself in his embrace and his soft, tender kiss.

We stayed locked together for a few long moments, then finally, reluctantly, I pulled back. Rhys watched me like a hawk, but I just gave him a little smile.

"We'll have time for that after wine and stargazing," I promised. He sighed, playing it up a little, even as he leaned back.

"I suppose it would be a shame to let it all go to waste."

I winked and gave him one last peck on the cheek, then led him over to the pile of blankets. The two of us made ourselves comfortable, snuggling into the warmth together and staring up at the crystal clear night sky. I sighed, the light from the stars shining out through the darkness above.

"This is beautiful," I murmured. Rhys handed me a glass, which I took, my eyes never leaving the night sky above.

"It really is. It helps, to look at this. To look at Velaris. And you. To... remember what we're fighting for."

"Yeah. Yeah, it does."

I finally tore my eyes away from the starlight overhead to look at my mate, meeting his sparkling eyes. I would go to the absolute ends of the world for him, and I knew he would do the same for me. The road ahead would be hard, against Hybern and the other courts, but how could anything hope to stand against us? Especially when we had the rest of our friends behind us, too.

"To the stars who listen," he said, lifting his glass to mine with a half-smile. I returned the gesture, the soft clink of the glasses ringing out in the night.

"And the dreams that are answered."

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989

[erisweekofficial]

We're so excited to be highlighting @utterlyotterlyx tonight! 🥹

They write Eris x Reader oneshots and multi chapter fics at also include a Reader x Azriel romance too. Right now we're really enjoying A Fate Inked in Starlight!!!!!

And if you want something shorter, we really recommend Can't Keep My Hands to Myself and Dark Paradise! 🔥

There are so many great fics, so please check them all out!

Read under the cut to learn @utterlyotterlyx's favorite fics they've written and how Eris is finally stepping up to become High Lord

What is your favorite fic you've written and why?

I'd probably say my favourite Eris fic was the first one I wrote when I started writing again - it would be Wicked Game, or it would be my Eris series, The Fox and The Fawn (incomplete) - Wicked Game because I am a key angst writer and I just love the depth to Eris in this fic, it really makes the reader feel his pain in a way that they haven't before, it is a sad ending but it is something I'd consider doing an alternate ending to. With The Fox and The Fawn, the series just really goes in depth with Eris, him being a bit stand-offish but keeping an eye on the reader from afar, slow burn romance where Rhys is the villain which I'm still perfecting the last two parts for!

Which fic was the most challenging and why?

Most challenging Eris fic would be Can't Keep My Hands To Myself - probably the most difficult because it's a Modern!Eris fic and even though it's short, I did struggle in capturing him from a modern day angle but it went down a treat!

What are some of your favorite fan theories about Eris?

My favourite theories of Eris are that he is just as misunderstood as Rhys once was but because he has no 'Inner Circle' then people really do believe that he's a villain, and I also LOVE the thought that he's actually the good guy in the Mor storyline - I think he's been super abused all of his life and just really wants to A) save others from that life, and B) have someone to understand where he's been and where he's going, and to understand that the mask he wears isn't who he really is.

We’ve just gotten word that Eris is on his way to become High Lord at this very moment. How is he getting rid of Beron?

Ugh this is a difficult one, despite how awful Beron is, I don't think that Eris would take it upon himself to end his life, I think he would maybe plant the seeds of treachery and either let someone else do it and turn a blind eye, or turn the other High Lords to his side where they could maybe force Beron to step down.

Please give us a name for one of his brothers and one of his hounds!

I think one of his brothers would be called Phoenix, and I think one of his dogs would be called Maple - runt of the litter but his favourite just because of how loving and doting she is, like she can read his mind and know what comfort he needs because she knows that he doesn't have anyone physically there by his side.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Love Is Love/ 3

Pairing- Hongjoong x Named Reader

Word count- 6.7k

Includes- Here we go- threesome, Dom Seonghwa, sub Hongjoong, sub reader, blow jobs (mxm, fxm), pussy eating, cum eating, cock riding, cock riding while giving blow job, cum eating from pussy, hand job, sex from behind, dirty talk, missionary, hard sex, wild sex, squirting, multiple orgasms for all, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes

Gif Credit- @hwanswerland

Masterlists- check out for more fics📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Hongjoong Masterlist

Nine months later

J POV

I'm silent as I take in the question Hongjoong just asked me

I honestly don't know how to feel about this

"Is...is that ok? Is it something you want to do?"

I honestly don't know

Normally I'm not against a threesome

And I'm not necessarily against this one either

I think I just need more information

"Uh with who?", I ask

"Seonghwa"

Dread falls all over my body

Seonghwa

Who he used to sleep with before me

That just makes everything more confusing

Because I don't know why he's asking for this now

And honestly his answer will depend on how I answer him

Is he doing this just as something fun to do?

Or is he doing it because he misses Seonghwa and I'm not enough for him?

If it's just for fun and everything will go back to normal after, then yeah I can have a threesome with them

But if it's because he wants Seonghwa, misses Seonghwa, then I have to think about our relationship

If this is some way where he can get both me and Seonghwa then it's not going to work

I'm going to have to break up with him

That thought breaks my heart but I'm not going to force him to be with me if he wants someone else

It doesn't matter if it's another guy or girl

If it's me he doesn't want I'm not keeping him in the relationship

It would massively suck and hurt so much because I love him but I'd do it for him

"Jagi? Can you uh...say something?", he asks, slight panic in his voice

"I....uh....I...", I trail off, thinking how I want to word my question

"Baby I'm sorry", he bursts out, in a full blown panic, "Please don't be mad jagi. Please don't leave me. I love you so much Jo, please jagi, I can't be without you"

Ok well that outburst makes things even more confusing

"Please Jo. I didn't want to ask, baby. Seonghwa asked me about it and convinced me to ask you but if you don't want to jagi, then we don't have to. Just please, don't break up with me. I'm sorry baby. Fuck, I need you", he panics

"Uh I'm not sure I understand what's going on", I say slowly, "You don't want a threesome?"

He shakes his head, "I never thought about it but when Seonghwa mentioned it, I'm not opposed to the idea. But I don't need a threesome. I don't need anyone but you. Seonghwa asked me to ask you and I figured I'll do whatever you want. If you want to then I will. If you don't then I won't"

I raise my eyebrow, "You wouldn't be mad if I said no?"

"Of course not jagi. I don't care about a threesome. It's not something I want or think about. It never even crossed my mind until Seonghwa talked about it"

It sounds like he doesn't care about it but I have to make sure

"Are you sure you're not asking because....because you miss Seonghwa? Or uh...dick? Because I'm...I'm not enough for you?"

The look of horror on his face is all I need to know the answer

"No Joanne!", he says, using my full name

He never uses my full name unless it's something serious or he's mad

"No! I don't miss Seonghwa. I don't miss dick. I don't care about any of that. I care about you. You are more than enough for me jagi. I swear"

I breathe out in relief, "Ok baby. I was.... I was just scared you didn't want me any more. That you wanted Seonghwa back. And I'd let you go because I love you and want you to be happy"

I see when it clicks in his head, his eyes widening, "Oh my god, I didn't even think of that. No jagi, just because I slept with him before you doesn't mean I want him like that or miss him. No"

Ok well now I feel better about the situation

He takes my hand, holding on tightly, "Jo, please don't ever worry about that ok? I don't want anyone but you ok? You make me so fucking happy and honestly, I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

My mouth drops hearing that, "Are you serious?"

"So serious baby", he confirms

A huge smile breaks on my face, "I want that too Joongie. I want the rest of my life to be by your side"

"That makes me really happy jagi", he smiles, then kisses my lips softly

"We don't have to do this jagi", he says

Well now that I know that he doesn't miss Seonghwa I'm not opposed to it

"I'm ok with it if you want to baby", I tell him

His eyebrow shoots up, "Yeah?"

I nod, "I was worried about the Seonghwa thing but now that that's not a worry I'm good with doing it. Do you want to?"

"I don't mind", he says, "It's not really a big deal for me"

I wonder if he has had threesomes before

I never had, it would be my first one

"If you're sure jagi, we should talk about what it would entail, what were comfortable with and I'll talk to Seonghwa"

"Yeah baby. Ok"

While it is strange to talk about having a threesome, I am a bit excited

I know Seonghwa so it's not like it's with a stranger

And my Joongie is gonna be there

Sex with him is always amazing and I know that if I want to stop it he will

"So let's talk about what we're not allowing", he starts

---------------------------

Hongjoong and I stand awkwardly in his room he shares with Seonghwa

Seonghwa is there smirking

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah", Hongjoong answers

Hongjoong and I already talked about what's allowed and not allowed with this threesome and he told Seonghwa, with him agreeing to everything

Now the day has come and I'm not going to lie, it's awkward as fuck

I'm not sure how to start any of this

"Alright. How about you two start?"

Hongjoong raises his eyebrow and Seonghwa rolls his eyes

"Kiss her. Undress her. Do something"

Hongjoong takes my hand, gently pulling me to him

He looks down at me, smiling softly, tucking hair behind my ear

He leans down, his perfect lips against mine

Moving my arms around his neck, the kiss deepens, his tongue against mine, his hands under my shirt, pulling it up

We separate for the short time it takes to get both our shirts off, the our mouths are attached to each other's again

His fingers slide slowly up my back, giving me shivers as he gets to my bra

He undoes it, pulling it off me and throwing it behind me

I drop my hands to his pants, undoing his belt, getting the jeans open

My hand brushes against his hard on, making me wet

Just the thought of sex with Hongjoong turns me on

It's crazy how my body reacts to him

Sliding my hands into his boxers, I push everything down, letting everything fall after I get the clothes down his thighs

He kicks off his clothes, his hands already pulling my clothes down

And the entire time, he hasn't stopped kissing me

Stepping out of my clothes, I wrap my hand around his massive length, pumping my hand up and down

He moans in my mouth, pulling me right against him, his soft skin against mine

His hands grope my ass, squeezing hard

"Alright", Seonghwa says, "My turn"

Reluctantly we separate as Seonghwa comes closer to me

Hongjoong moves aside, Seonghwa leaning down, kissing me hard

His kiss is so different from Hongjoong's, more rougher, wilder, tongue in my mouth right away

He's a good kisser but Hongjoong is better

Almost as quickly as it came, Seonghwa pulls away from me

"Undress me"

I nod, getting the hem of his shirt and pulling it up

I get it off him and my eyebrow raises looking at his body

Nice

Muscular chest, muscular arms and abs

Hot body

But doesn't hold a candle to my Joongie

Hongjoong doesn't have abs or hard muscles but he's fit and his body is the ultimate turn on

Once his shirt is off, his mouth crashes to mine again, kissing me and moving my hands to his pants

I get the hint, pulling his sweatpants and boxers down as his tongue plays with mine

When he gets them off, his arms move around me, pulling me against him, feeling his body on mine

Seonghwa's hands roam my body, grabbing and groping my ass, my boobs, anywhere his hands can squeeze

And it does feel good

Seonghwa pulls away from me, smiles then turns towards Hongjoong

When he gets to Hongjoong, I watch Seonghwa kiss my boyfriend, cupping his face and pushing Hongjoong back towards his bed

He gets Hongjoong on the bed, moving on top of him, kissing him wildly and I see Seonghwa's tongue in Hongjoong's mouth with Hongjoong kissing him back

I just gape, feeling myself get wetter

Why this is turning me on I have no idea but it does

Seonghwa's hands run down Hongjoong's body, his lips following his finger's path

He goes lower and lower and finally his mouth wraps around Hongjoong's dick

"Fuck", I hear Hongjoong moan, my eyes on Seonghwa, his head moving up and down, mouth sucking Hongjoong's dick

This is....hot

Holy crap

Seonghwa sucks Hongjoong off hard and fast, Hongjoong moaning softly, his eyes watching Seonghwa too

Hongjoong slowly moves his fingers in Seonghwa's hair, tugging at the black strands, moaning softly

It feels good for him

Of course it does, he's getting his dick sucked

And I thought I'd be jealous but I'm not

Hongjoong moans louder, and fuck my boyfriend's moans are getting me more riled up

I'm so into watching them I forgot that I'm supposed to be a part of this

I only remember when Seonghwa pulls off Hongjoong's now rock hard cock, calling me over

My feet move on their own, laying down where Seonghwa points to

"Open your legs", Seonghwa demands, "Lemme see this pussy Joong brags about all the time"

I look at Hongjoong in surprise

He brags about me?

Hongjoong's face is so red and Seonghwa laughs

"Yeah he talks about your cunt. How good it feels. How wet you get. How creamy your pussy is. How good your orgasms feel. How you squirt for his dick"

Holy shit

I'm so shocked

"Shut up Hwa", Hongjoong snaps

"It's ok baby", I tell him, surprising him

I get it, guys talk

Girls do too so I'm not upset

In fact I'm proud that he loves being with me enough to talk about it

God knows I love being with him and talk about his big dick to my friends

"So open"

I do, not shy like I thought I'd be

I guess I'm just that horny

And well, Hongjoong is naked next to me in bed with his hard cock out and of course I'm horny because of him

Seonghwa looks down between my legs, his eyebrow raising, "Fuck you're small. Pretty though"

I feel my whole body blush, making Seonghwa laugh again

"Let's see how wet you are"

He runs his fingers on me, making me shiver

"Hmm. How about you kiss your boyfriend and get wetter for me", he says, "Come here Joong"

Hongjoong scoots over and I reach for him instantly, my mouth against his in seconds

I love kissing Hongjoong and I have no problem spending all my time with his lips against mine

Hongjoong's tongue plays with mine, his hands squeezing my boobs, thumbs playing with my nipples and making me wet

"There we go", Seonghwa says, sliding his fingers inside my pussy

I moan against Hongjoong, gripping his arm hard as Seonghwa moves his fingers in and out

"Tight pussy", he comments, "Can't wait to feel it around my cock"

"Mmmm", I moan in Hongjoong's mouth, clamping down on Seonghwa's fingers

"Fuck, so tight", Seonghwa mutters

Hongjoong's hand disappears from my boob but I'm too lost in his kiss to wonder why

I feel more fingers push inside me, Seonghwa saying, "Help me get her off Joong. You know what to do"

I realize that Seonghwa put Hongjoong's fingers in with his and they're both fucking me

And it feels amazing

They're moving their fingers simultaneously, right into my spot

I don't know who's fingers are pressing down into my spot but it makes me so wet

"Come here Joong"

Hongjoong pulls away from my lips, kissing my cheek then sits up

Only for Seonghwa to grip his hair and move his head down, his mouth against my clit

"Suck on her"

Hongjoong pulls my clit in his mouth, sucking hard right off the bat as their fingers move into me

"Fuck", I cry, my body seized in pleasure

Seonghwa grabs one of my boobs, bending his head, his mouth around my nipple, sucking away

"Oh god", I choke out, my body arching off the bed

I reach down, gripping Hongjoong's blue hair and at the same time, I slide my other hand in Seonghwa's, pulling both at the same time

This is insane

I clench down on their fingers, the pleasure fucking intense

I don't know where to focus- Hongjoong sucking my clit, Seonghwa sucking my nipple or their fingers fucking me

All I know is that my entire being is in pleasure

"Cum for us", Seonghwa murmurs around my nipple, "Tell her Joong"

"Please baby", he moans against my clit, "Cum for me baby"

His mouth attaches back to my clit and he sucks once throwing me into a fucking tidal wave of pleasure

I cum on their fingers screaming both their names

"Hongjoong! Seonghwa! Fuck"

They both keep sucking me through the orgasm, their fingers not stopping until I'm done

"Good girl", Seonghwa praises, pulling their fingers out

Hongjoong immediately puts his fingers in his mouth, sucking me off them

God, he's so hot

Seonghwa pushes Hongjoong down on his back, then looks at me smirking

"Get on your boyfriend's cock and ride him", Seonghwa orders me

Not a problem

I immediately climb on Hongjoong, sliding down his fat dick, bottoming him out

"Fuck", him and I moan, my hips immediately grinding on him, moving in a circle, his head rubbing my spot, opening me up more

"Goddamn, she loves you cock huh?", Seonghwa smirks

"Yyy..yes", Hongjoong stammers, his hands gripping my hips hard, helping me move on me

I'm so fucking wet, it's all over his lap

"How does your boyfriend's cock feel?", Seonghwa asks me

"So good", I moan, starting to bounce on his hard cock, "He's so big. So fucking thick. Always so hard"

"Tell me something I don't know", Seonghwa smirks

Alright then

"He fits perfectly inside my pussy", I tell him, slamming down on Hongjoong's cock, "Tight fit with no extra room. Touches all the right places. His fat head is always against my spot, rubbing and fucking it so good"

Seonghwa's smirk widens, "Go on"

I look down at Hongjoong, watching the pleasure on his face as he listens, "His cock fucks me wide open, makes me soaking wet, makes me cream his cock like I never creamed a cock before"

"Goddamn", Seonghwa says

"He makes me squirt all the time, gives me the maximum ecstasy every single time. Makes me cum on his cock over and over. God, I love coming on his fat cock. He fills my pussy with cum perfectly. I love being full of him and I never want him to leave"

Hongjoong eyes are on mine as I smile at him, "I love you Joongie"

"I love you Jo", he answers, smiling softly

"So Joong", Seonghwa says, "How does your girlfriend's sweet cunt feel?"

"Amazing", he chokes out, "So fucking tight. Throbs and clenches from the second I get inside her"

"Yes you've told me that"

"She...she's always wet for me. Always. Creamiest pussy. So warm. So pretty. Lips always swollen. Throbbing swollen clit. Orgasms are....fuck... mind blowing. Takes my cum...so well", he finishes, his hands squeezing my hips so hard as I fuck his cock

"Sounds like I'm gonna have to try her pussy out", Seonghwa laughs

"Uh...uh...", Hongjoong moans

"Don't cum yet Joong", Seonghwa demands

"I...but...I", Hongjoong whimpers

"Not yet. Soon"

Seonghwa moves next to Hongjoong's head, turning his head to him

"Open", he says to Hongjoong, moving his big hard dick into Hongjoong's mouth

Hongjoong takes his cock, immediately sucking on him

"Fuck yes", Seonghwa moans, his head tilting back, eyes closed

Every few sucks he pushes more into Hongjoong's mouth, Hongjoong taking him and sucking harder

"God, I've missed your mouth", Seonghwa groans

I watch Hongjoong suck Seonghwa's dick, bouncing faster and faster on his cock

God I'm so turned on watching them

I had no clue seeing two guys would make me this horny

Both of their bodies are so sweaty, beads of it rolling down Hongjoong's chest, Seonghwa hair soaked and dripping

I'm sweating too but I most likely look like a mess while they both look so hot

Seonghwa's hands move into Hongjoong's hair, pulling his head down his cock until he bottoms out

Hongjoong chokes for a few seconds before getting control again

I watch Seonghwa keep Hongjoong's head still as he starts to fuck into Hongjoong's throat

Tears run down Hongjoong's face, saliva everywhere, the blow job so messy

I love watching

After a few minutes Seonghwa looks over at me

"You're turn", he smirks, pulling out of Hongjoong's mouth, coming next to me

Hongjoong gasps for air and I immediately check on him

"Are you ok baby?"

He looks at me, nodding

Seonghwa grabs my chin, making me look at him, "Go down his cock"

I take Hongjoong fully inside me, sitting on him as Seonghwa moves his hand in my hair, pulling me forward

"Open", he says and I obey, his cock sliding in my mouth, my pussy clenching around Hongjoong

"C'mon", Seonghwa says, "Take me all in. I know you can take Hongjoong's fat cock so you can take mine"

I moan, pushing down on his length

His cock is big too, long, not as thick as Hongjoong's but still, stuffs my mouth to the brim

"Oh god fuck", Seonghwa moans, a as I bottom him out, his fingers tightening in my hair, "Fuck, suck baby"

Holding onto his hip, I suck hard around his cock, breathing through my nose

"Fuck feels so good"

As I suck on him, my other hand grips Hongjoong's stomach hard

Switching my movements, I bob on Seonghwa's dick, up and down, bottoming him out every time

Tears blind me as I blow him, spit falling from my mouth to my tits

"God Joong, you're so right. She gives amazing blow jobs"

I raise my eyes to Seonghwa, watching him smirk, "Yeah he talks about your blow jobs too. Says they're the best he's ever had. Says yours are even better than mine and I give amazing blow jobs"

That's surprising

Hongjoong thinks I'm the best?

"Tell her Hongjoong"

"Yeah baby", Hongjoong says, his fingers running up and down my arm that's leaning on him, "You are the best. Better than anyone I've been with"

"Mmm", I moan around Seonghwa's cock

"So sweet", Seonghwa laughs, moving his hand towards me

Seonghwa's fingers press into my clit, rubbing in circles hard and fast, pleasure blasting in my body, moaning on his cock

"Mmm love hearing you moan baby", Seonghwa tells me, "Feels so good when you moan on my cock"

I move my hips on Hongjoong, rubbing his head against my spot while Seonghwa plays with my clit

"C'mon baby girl. Cum on your boyfriend's cock while you suck me off"

I'm getting closer, spasming around Hongjoong faster and faster

"Gonna fuck your throat", Seonghwa tells me

With that, he pulls his cock back until his head is in my mouth, then he thrusts back in, bottoming out

I choke around his dick but it's not too bad

He sets a hard and fast pace, fucking into my throat over and over, stretching my mouth out

I can take him- Hongjoong's done this with his huge cock and I've taken him so Seonghwa is easy

"How close is she Joong?"

"So close. Pulsing so hard on my cock"

"Good girl", Seonghwa praises, his finger moving faster on my clit

My body shakes as Hongjoong yells, "She's gonna cum!"

Seonghwa shoves his dick all inside my throat, choking me as I cum all over Hongjoong's cock

"Fuck!", Hongjoong yells, his fingers digging into my hips, "Yes baby oh fuck. Oh my god"

"Damn, her orgasm feels that good?", Seonghwa asks

"Yes, fuck yes!", Hongjoong cries as my orgasm continues, intense bliss filling my body

Jesus

I knew Hongjoong likes my orgasms but I didn't know it was this much

I'm glad I can give him as much pleasure as he gives me

When I finish, Seonghwa immediately demands, "Bounce on his dick. Make him cum"

I begin moving right away, bouncing and taking Hongjoong's dick over and over, bliss running through me again

"Baby, fuck", he moans, his fingers digging into my hips

I tighten around his cock, his moans so fucking pretty

As I fuck Hongjoong, I'm getting throat fucked by Seonghwa at the same time, his cock plunging into my throat in a steady rhythm

Everything on me is wet- I'm sweating, salvia is dripping from my mouth, tears blinding me, my cunt soaking Hongjoong

But it feels so good so I'm not complaining

"C'mon Hongjoong", Seonghwa whines, "Cum in your girlfriend's pussy so I can eat it from her cunt"

Christ, Seonghwa is kinky

"Cccc...close", Hongjoong chokes out

Hearing that, I bounce harder, making sure to keep a tight grip on his cock

"Oh my god jagi!", he cries, pulling me down his cock, holding me there

I feel the pleasure of his cock throb, then his warm cum filling me

"Yeah that's it", Seonghwa says approvingly, "Fill your pussy"

I rock on Hongjoong while Seonghwa keeps showing his cock in my mouth

I feel him throb and I know he's close too

"I'm gonna cum", Seonghwa grunts, holding me down on his dick

He throbs in my throat again, his warm cum shooting down

I swallow over and over, his taste hitting me

He tastes good

Not as good as Hongjoong but better than other guys I've been with

It hits me that I'm literally full of cum, my pussy full of Hongjoong's, my mouth full of Seonghwa's

God I'm a slut but I find that I don't really care

Seonghwa pulls out, his hands immediately on my waist

He pulls me off Hongjoong, my back hitting the bed, my legs spread opened and his tongue poking in my hole

"Mmm", he moans, his tongue licking around my entrance, "Missed how good your cum is Joong"

"Shit", I whimper

"Oh right. Want some baby?", Seonghwa asks, his fingers plunging into me

He pulls them out quickly, bring his fingers with Hongjoong's cum all over it to my mouth

And fuck me, I open my mouth and suck Hongjoong off him as he continues to clean my pussy

"He tastes so good right baby?"

"Mhh hmm", I moan around his fingers

Hongjoong does taste the best

I love blowing him, love tasting his cum, love swallowing it

Seonghwa moves his fingers from my mouth, gripping my thigh hard as he keeps my legs open

"Let's see how you taste baby girl", Seonghwa murmurs, "Hongjoong says you're the best he's ever tasted. Let's see if he's right"

Seonghwa's tongue flies all over me, up and down then swirling quickly

"Fuck, oh fuck", I cry, the pleasure increasing

I look to the side for Hongjoong, finding him sitting to the side, just watching

I can't read the look on his face, but he's clenching his jaw

Maybe he feels left out?

I don't want him to feel like that

"Joongie", I call, holding my hand out to him

His eyes move to me, smiling softly, coming closer to me, holding my hand

"Kiss me baby", I ask

"Always jagi", he answers, leaning down, his perfect lips against mine

Seonghwa thrusts his tongue into my hole and my pussy squeezes his tongue so hard, both of us moaning

"Fuck", he murmurs, then plunges his tongue in over and over, pleasure blasting into my body

I kiss Hongjoong harder, his tongue down my throat, my arms wrapping around his neck, wanting to be as close as I can to him

His hand moves to my boob, squeezing, his thumb running over my nipple sending pleasure down to my cunt

And just at the same time, Seonghwa lick my clit

"Fuck!", I groan in Hongjoong's mouth, the bliss increasing with each lick Seonghwa does

"My god you're clit is amazing", Seonghwa praises, "So fucking swollen and throbbing so hard. God you're making me fucking rock hard again. No wonder Joong loves sucking on you"

I guess that's another thing that Hongjoong told him

And honestly, I love when Hongjoong does that too

He really made a huge attempt to learn everything I liked the most, learned how to finger, lick, fuck my pussy so well

Every single time with him is fucking mind blowing

And I'll never get tired of it

I feel Seonghwa's mouth wrap around my clit and he starts sucking fast and hard right away

I've noticed that Seonghwa likes to do everything hard, fast, wild and he likes to dominate

Be in control, telling me and Hongjoong what to do

I don't have a problem with it but I wonder if Hongjoong does

Hongjoong is usually the dominate one when we're together

He doesn't seem to have a problem with it though but I don't really know

Each suck brings me closer and I break from Hongjoong's kiss to yell in pleasure

I bury my hand in Seonghwa's hair, fucking into his face as his mouth relentlessly plays with my clit

"I'm gonna cum!", I cry,

Seonghwa only increases his speed, the pleasure too much and I explode

"Fuck Seonghwa!", I cry, his tongue still licking my clit like crazy, pulling his hair hard

I feel Hongjoong stiffen next to me but I can't think past the pleasure

Seonghwa pushes my legs open more, his tongue sliding down to my hole, licking

"Fuck", he groans, "You were right Joong. She tastes fucking amazing"

"Oh my god", I whimper

"Fuck, her cum is so creamy. So sweet", he continues, his tongue cleaning my pussy, "No wonder you eat her out everyday"

Seonghwa's tongue dips inside again, wiggling around before he takes it out again

He does that a few more time, then he sits up

"Delicious cunt", he smirks, my entire face red

He moves on top of me, rolling us over and I find myself straddling him

"Sit on my cock", he orders, holding his dick up for me

Getting his head in, I move down, his hands helping push me down

I feel him open me up so pleasurably as he bottoms out inside

"Oh my fucking god!", he cries, "So tight. Fuck how are you this tight? Doesn't Joong fuck you open everyday?"

"Yes", I whimper, clenching around him

He feels really good but he's not Hongjoong

And Hongjoong feels so much better

"Fuck Joong, you're so lucky to have this tight cunt all the time"

"Yeah", Hongjoong says softly

"Fuck baby, ride me", Seonghwa whines, "Ride me like you ride Joong's cock"

I nod

I can do that

Leaning on his abs, I slide up his dick, then go back down quickly and hard

"Yes again!", he yells, pleasure all over his face

I bounce on him, feeling him drag in and out of me, making me shiver, pleasure running through me

He moans so loudly as I ride him and I rock on his cock every time I take him in, getting his head right against my spot, his tip rubbing there, the pleasure spiking

Sitting up, I lean back on his legs, bouncing harder

My orgasm is right there but it's like I can't get to it yet

It's because it's not Hongjoong inside me

Because if it was I would of came twice already

"Fuck, such a big mess. Such a creamy pussy", Seonghwa moans, "Creaming my cock so much"

Seonghwa grips my hips, helping me bounce on his cock, thrusting up as I come down, hitting deep inside

"Oh fuck", I whisper

"Joong, come here", Seonghwa calls , "Help her cum on me"

I feel Hongjoong behind me, moving my hair to one shoulder, his lips kissing my shoulder blade

And it's like his kiss ignites a fire inside me

Reaching behind me, I take his hands, pulling his arms around me

His body presses against mine as I lean my head back on his shoulder

Turning my head to him, I reach up, bury my fingers in his hair and pull him in for a kiss

I lick his lip, his mouth opening, his tongue right against mine, making me moan in his mouth

"Oh fuck Joong, she just got so much tighter when she kissed you", Seonghwa pants

Yeah because Hongjoong's kiss just has an effect on my body

No one's kiss has ever affected me like his and I'm so glad it's him that makes me feel this way

Hongjoong's hands roam my body, sliding everywhere, groping and squeezing as he kisses me stupid

Seonghwa keeps bouncing me on him as he thrusts, bringing me closer

I feel one of Hongjoong's hand move off my body, making me whine

"Play with her clit Joong. Make her cum", Seonghwa murmurs

I feel Hongjoong's hand being placed near my pussy, his fingers on my clit

His fingers begin to move and I can't help but moan loudly, gripping his hair harder as his lips press kiss after kiss to my neck

"Joongie", I whisper, his movements making me soak Seonghwa's cock even more

"Mmm cum for me baby", he murmurs and that's all it takes

Bliss hits me hard and I feel Seonghwa pull me down his cock, holding me there as I explode

"Oh my god!", I cry, "Seonghwa! Fuck. Joongie"

"Oh my fuck!", Seonghwa yells, "Oh fuck it feels so good. So fucking good"

Hongjoong's fingers don't stop, helping me ride my orgasm out on Seonghwa's dick

When it's over I breathe hard, reluctantly letting go of my boyfriend and he moves away

Seonghwa looks at me in amazement

"The was the one of the most pleasurable orgasm I ever felt. Jesus"

I blush, surprised at hearing that

I know Seonghwa fucks around a lot and for him to say that about me, it's crazy

Suddenly I'm flipped on my hand and knees, Seonghwa right behind me

"Need to cum in your pussy", he tells me

Uh sure, ok

I look for Hongjoong, finding him sitting against the headboard, his eyes down, his dick half hard

I crawl toward him, lifting his head to mine and kiss him softly

"I love you Joongie"

"I love you Jo", he says softly

Kissing him again briefly, I move back, licking along his pretty cock

"Fuck baby", he whimpers

I lick him over and over, keeping my tongue under his head where I know he likes it

"Yes baby. Fuck", he moans, his hand moving into my hair

Seonghwa comes up behind me, his hands on my hips as his cock pushes into me

He spreads me open, fucking into me right away

As he moves, I concentrate on making my baby feel good

Wrapping my mouth around his head, I suck on him, my hand jerking him off at the same time

"Jagi", he groans, "So good jagi. Faster baby, please"

I oblige, sucking faster, taking him in more every few sucks

I fucking love everything about blowing Hongjoong

The way his cock feels heavy on my tongue, the way he feels deep in my throat, the way he throbs when he cums

The way he tastes

It turns me on so much I swear I'm gonna cum one day just from blowing him

Seonghwa hits my spot over and over, making me spasm around him but for some reason it's not enough to make me cum

I feel him throbbing however, knowing he's close

Moving my hand from Hongjoong's cock, I take him all in, deep throating him

He slides in my throat and I swallow, loving how he feels, listening to his pretty moans

Bobbing my head, I take him in and out of my throat quickly wanting to taste his cum so badly

"Oh fuck I'm gonna cum", Seonghwa moans behind me

"Mmm...me too", Hongjoong moans

"God, your girlfriend loves cum huh? She's gonna get it from both of us again"

I do like cum, specifically Hongjoong's

"Do..do you want my cum in your throat baby?", Hongjoong's asks, breathing hard

He always asks when I blow him as sometimes he cums in my mouth, other times he pulls out and cums on my face

It really depends on how we both feel but right now, I want to swallow his load

I nod, slurping hard on his huge dick

His cock throbs once, then twice and I feel his hot cum start to fill my mouth

"Joanne fuck! Jagi", he cries, his hand buried in my hair, so fucking beautiful when he cums

I slide down his whole cock, swallowing over and over, finally getting all of my favorite taste in the world

I had no idea I was a huge cumslut until Hongjoong

"I'm coming!", Seonghwa yells, shoving his cock in deep, shooting his hot load inside me

"Joanne oh fuck!", he yells as I pulse around him, "Yes fuck baby, milk my cock. Take it all"

I finish swallowing Hongjoong's cum, some dripping from my lips and both of them pull out at the same time, leaving me to leak cum from my pussy and my mouth

Before I know it, I'm pulled backwards, landing on my back again and Seonghwa is telling Hongjoong to eat my cunt

"Go ahead Joong. Eat my cum from her cunt. After all I ate yours", he smirks

Hongjoong wastes no time, pulling my legs apart, his tongue all over me

Pleasure only Hongjoong's tongue can give rips through me and I burying both hands in his sweat soaked blue hair, gripping the strands hard

"Yes Joongie!", I scream, "Fuck baby, you're tongue is the best"

"Is it now?", Seonghwa asks, smirking

"Yes, yes yes!"

"Huh Joong, guess you did learn to eat pussy real good"

He sure fucking did

I keep my eyes on my baby, watching him lick Seonghwa's cum from me and swallow over and over

Jesus, it's so hot to see

I'm aware that my boyfriend is eating someone else's cum but I can't find it in me to care right now

I'm in too much ecstacy

His tongue plunges in my hole, fucking into me a few times, then slides out, flicking my clit

"Joongie!", I scream, my brain turning off

The pleasure is so fucking intense, tears are falling down my face as I moan

I see Seonghwa get behind Hongjoong, reaching around his waist

Hongjoong moans, just as Seonghwa's arm starts moving

"Let's get you hard for your girlfriend"

Fuck, Seonghwa is jerking Hongjoong off

Totally hot

Hongjoong's mouth latches on to my clit, sucking desperately, his hands holding my thighs open so hard it's gonna leave bruises

I'm so here for it

"Please baby", Hongjoong pleads, his face soaked with cream, "Wanna taste you so much. Gimme your cum jagi"

"Hongjoong, fuck", I moan, pulling his hair as his words throwing me over the edge

His tongue flies into my cunt as I clench around it, coming all over his tongue and mouth

He yells into my pussy, his tongue pulling out then sliding back in, swallowing everything I give him

"Good job Joong", Seonghwa praises, his arm not stopping it's movements

Hongjoong slowly licks me as I finish, moaning how good I am

"Should I make you cum?", Seonghwa asks, Hongjoong making a noise that I can't figure out what it means through all the pleasure

"No, I know you wanna finish in your girlfriend's pussy"

"Yes", Hongjoong whimpers

"Well then, go Joong. Let me see how you fuck your pussy", Seonghwa urges, moving away from Hongjoong

Hongjoong growls, moving on top of me immediately, his sweaty body against mine, wrapping my legs around his waist

He slips in immediately, my body going crazy from finally having him inside me again

"Fuck Hongjoong. Fuck me baby. Please baby, I want you so bad", I cry

I need him, I crave him, I want him, only him

His mouth crashes to mine, kissing me passionately as he starts moving hard and fast

I moan in his mouth, my hands digging into his back, holding on as he fucks me mercilessly

His cock hits my spot over and over, my pussy so fucking wet for him

"Jesus, do you hear how wet her pussy is for you Joong?", Seonghwa asks, the squelching sound indeed very loud

"Yes", he growls, "My pussy. Mine. Only mine"

His possessiveness is so hot, turning me on

His arm moves around my waist, his hand gripping my ass as he lifts me up slightly, pounding into my cunt

The new angle has him plunging so deep into me, it's like I feel him in my stomach

He pulls me down his cock each thrust, bottoming out each movement, throwing me into so much bliss I can't fucking think

"Feels so good baby", he murmurs, "So fucking good for me"

"Yes Joongie. Fuck so good", I cry

"My tight pussy. Wrapped so tight around me. Do you feel how perfectly you take me jagi? How we fit perfectly together?"

I nod, "Yes baby"

We do fit perfectly

The pleasure he always gives me is beyond mind blowing

Being with him is everything

"So wet for me, creaming my cock so well jagi. Sucking me in like you can't get enough", he pants, "Wanna keep me inside that much?"

"Yes!", I scream, each hit to my spot sending stars into my vision, "Yes, yes, yes"

"Yeah? I feel you throbbing so hard on my cock. Fucking choking my dick hard", he breathes, "Gonna squirt for me?"

I nod, clinging onto him desperately, my mind shutting off from the pure ecstasy

Ecstasy only he can give

"Then cum around my cock baby. Give it to me"

His cock moves so quickly into me and I'm sent head first into a mind blowing orgasm

I scream his name over and over as I squirt all over him, uncontrollable shaking taking over my body, my mind going blank as I ride the waves of pleasure

"Fuck Joanne! Fuck baby, fuck!", he screams, his cock throbbing as his warm cum fills my pussy

He holds me tightly against him, both of us clinging to each other and screaming in pleasure as we orgasm together

God, it's truly fucking mind blowing

As our orgasms taper off, Hongjoong crashes his lips to mine, kissing me deeply

I feel all his love in the kiss and it makes me so fucking happy

I pour all my love into the kiss, knowing that he feels it

His kiss is absolutely everything

He is absolutely everything

My everything

When we pull away, he looks down at me, breathing hard and he smiles his beautiful smile that takes my breath away

I touch his cheek softly, smiling back at him

His hand travels up my arm, going over my hand as he turns his head, kissing my palm

"Holy shit that was better than porn", Seonghwa exclaims

Shit, I forgot he was here

Hongjoong and I turn to look at him

He's sitting in his computer chair, boxers back on, smiling gleefully

"If that's how you two fuck all the time....then goddamn"

"Sometimes", Hongjoong says softly and I nod, confirming

"Well that was hot", he says, standing up, "I'm gonna shower. You two look like you need a nap"

Now that he mentions it, exhaustion hits me hard

I can go for a nap

"We need to shower", Hongjoong answers

Also true

"Just go to sleep", Seonghwa says, "I'll tell the guys not to bother you. You can shower when you wake up"

"Yea ok", Hongjoong gives in

"Good. Just get out of my bed. Sleep in your own. It's bad enough I got all three of our cum all over the sheets, I don't need your sleep sweat there too, seeping into my mattress"

"Oh my god, you're so fucking annoying", Hongjoong growls

Seonghwa only points to Hongjoong's bed, "Go. I'll bring a change of sheets for you when I bring some for mine"

With that he turns and leaves the room as if we didn't just have an hours long threesome

"Why is he bringing you sheets?", I ask confused

Hongjoong sighs, "Because were sweaty and your gonna leak my cum everywhere. For a guy who loves sex, he's a fucking clean freak"

I just giggle as Hongjoong get up from Seonghwa's bed

He reaches for me, picking me up and getting both of us in his bed, all snuggled up together

"I love you", I tell him

"I love you too baby", he murmurs, already sounding like he's on the verge of unconsciousness

I give him a soft kiss, then settle down in his arms, ready for a long ass nap

[saltsicklover]

Part Thirteen

This is a long chapter for this fic! It's most definitely a rollercoaster and I should probably just put a huge warning on this chapter because it's a lot! Hangman Sucks, Natasha Sucks, Bob sucks, hell even Sunny sucks towards the end. It's one giant suckfest, most definitely a whump at the end. That's to say, I'd love to know what you think about it!

ALSO This Fic has just surpassed 40k words with this chapter! Technically its over 43k but still! Thank you for reading so many of my words! I love and appreciate all of you!

Title: Once an Asshole, Always an Asshole

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6300+

Rating: R

Warnings: Tobacco, Swearing, Fighting, Blood, Crying, Anger, so so much Anger. Bob being slightly obsessed with Sunny's perfume in what could be a low key creepy way.

Second Chance Romance!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bob Floyd, or anything related to Top Gun Maverick within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

---

The trilling of Natasha's cellphone does nothing to pull Sunny out of her dumbfounded state, her brain playing Nat's bombshell of a sentence over and over again on loop. A broken record minus the squeak of the vinyl. 

"It's about time, Bagman," Natasha answers the call with a swipe of her finger, her voice carrying an aggravated tone. She tucks her phone between her shoulder and her cheek, leaving her hands free to stir her coffee. 

"Phoenix," Hangman's voice comes through the phone a bit muffled, like his hand is covering his mouth, "I fucked up," 

If he fucked up, maybe he should sound a bit more remorseful, but Natasha doesn't point that fact out. It's really not important, and it's not like she plans on letting him forget about this any time soon. 

"Yeah, no shit," That much is obvious to her, and finally Jake realizes it too, "Glad you finally put that together, what, twelve hours later?" Natasha does nothing to hide her annoyance. If it wasn't for Jake storming from the Hard Deck, his phone going unanswered, then Natasha and Sunny could have been out on the town by now. They would be shopping until Sunny couldn't possibly stuff anything else in her duffel. What's paying for one more checked bag, right?

"Yeah- well, I remembered when I woke up an hour ago-"

"An hour ago?! And you're just returning my call now? Jesus, Bagman, how hung over are you?" Natasha rolls her eyes, her hand coming back up to grasp her phone, though Hangman won't be able to see either action. She hopes that he will hear it in her voice- how ticked off she is becoming. If anyone could make the vocal eye roll a thing, it would be Natasha Trace. 

Glancing over at Sunny, Natasha notices she still has the same bewildered expression painted on her features. She can see the gears in Sunny's head turning with the way her eyebrows are furrowed, lips pursed, the only thing missing is the steam that should be pouring out of her ears. Then, Hangman's sputtering from the other side of the phone drags her back to that conversation. 

"Spit it out Hangman,"

"I came out to my truck to grab her bag and bring it into my place so it would be safe until you got here, but, Phoenix, it's not here," Seresin's almost whispering the last bit, Natasha even hits her volume button with her thumb in a failed effort to hear him better.

"What?" 

Confusion. Natasha hopes she heard him wrong. 

"It's not here, Phoenix. Sunny's bag, it's not in the bed of my truck. It isn't in the cab either,"

"What?"

Anger. She hadn't. 

"I didn't even remember that I had it until I got my phone plugged in this morning. Damn thing has been dead all night," Jake swears to himself under his breath, feeling the tension growing over the dead space of the call.  

Pinching the bridge of your nose is supposed to help stop headaches. Nat has never believed that fact, yet she pinches the bridge of her nose hard with her fingertips. 

"I swear to God, Hangman, I am going to murder you if you don't find Sunny's duffle," That gets Sunny's attention, the wheels in her head slowing, expression changing, confusion visible on her face. But, as soon as she locks eyes with Nat, her eyebrows lift to her hairline in question. Natasha pulls the phone away from her ear, but makes zero to attempt to cover the microphone when she tells Sunny, "Hangman fucked up and if he doesn't fix it, I am going to kill him,"

The nod that comes from Sunny pleases Natasha, the trust the younger woman has for her is evident in her lack of concern. Hangman is almost humming through the phone, impatient. The sound of a slamming truck door accompanying the swearing he is failing to cover up. 

"Fix it, Hangman," Is the last thing Natasha threatens the man with before hanging up the phone. 

"What was all that about?" Sunny has laid herself back down in the sun, one arm under her head, the other coming up to shield her eyes. She still squints a bit, her whole expression wrinkling over. 

Natasha notices just how relaxed she is, even with all of the bullshit that has been going on, so she takes a moment to think of her next move. Sunny wriggles a bit in her chair, watching Nat closely, waiting impatiently for an answer. So, Phoenix huffs, releasing a large breath from her lungs. 

"Somewhere between last night and this morning your duffle bag disappeared from the back of Hangman's truck," Natasha tries to wave her hand as if to emphasize that this little bit of information is really no big deal. She doesn't necessarily believe this herself, but she doesn't want Sunny's trip to get any worse than it has been already. After all, this isn't exactly how Phoenix had imagined their first visit going. "He is going to find it, but until then, lets find you something to wear and we can use it as an excuse to get you a new outfit."

The wink that Natasha sends Sunny across the deck makes Sunny giggle. Though she knows she should be worried about her lost items, Sunny can't find it in her to care all that much. The biggest disappointment would be having to replace the bag itself. Everything else in that damn duffel bag could go up in cinders and there wouldn't be any big loss. After all, Sunny already abandoned the most important thing to her at Bob's feet, the night before at the Hard Deck. 

"Give me a cute shirt to put on over my dress and we can go shopping, how does that sound?" Sunny shoots her friend a smile.

"Deal,"

After Sunny manages to pull her day old clothes back onto her body, fighting off the way they feel tear stained and gritty from the sand, she combs her way though Nat's closet. Her fingers wonder over the hangers, one by one. Each piece is different, but all of them soft and well loved. 

"I'm surprised how many pieces ofclothing you have in here," Sunny teases, her voice light as it meets Nat's ears over the sound of running water. "So feminine, too, Nat. I thought you'd dress a little more, I don't know... President of the boy's club," 

Natasha tries to feign offense but the toothbrush that's set between her closed lips keeps her quiet. 

"I mean, half of this is still uniform pieces, I know that, but still so feminine," Sunny jokes, trying to ignore the way Nat hangs her upper body out of the bathroom, narrowing her eyes at the younger woman. 

"You're in a fucking dress, you yahoo," Phoenix speaks through a mouth of suds, her toothbrush in her hand. 

"I know that, and I'm trying not to be," Sunny shoots back, sticking her tongue out. 

"I know a few Aviators that would love to help you with that problem," Phoenix's voice sounds a little more muffled from her space in front of the sink, but definitely lacking in suds. 

"Bradley would never!" The gasp is fake, but the giggling coming from both women is all too real. 

"Maybe not, but I can think of one very deserving man, and one who is less so, who would both be equally thrilled."

"And who exactly is the deserving one, Nash?" Sunny inquires, yanking a t-shirt off of a hanger before tugging it over her head. She ties it in a knot at her waist, allowing the skirt to peak out below it. 

Natasha is leaning out from the bathroom once more, grinning at Sunny as she fixes her clothes in the mirror. The shirt reads FORD is large blue letters across the front. It clashes a bit with Sunny's dress, but the fabric is so soft she can't help but claim it for the day. She chuckles to herself, thinking it's most definitely something Bob might have owned once upon a time, and that thought warms her a bit on the inside.

Natasha is grinning because she knows that shirt wasn't hers, once upon a time. It had been stolen from Bob one day when she came home from a night out and found it discarded on the hardwood by the front door. It was intended to be a little piece of blackmail, but this, this was better. She wants to let Sunny know that little tidbit of information, but decides to keep it to herself, enjoying the joy on her friend's face. Maybe Bob will see her in it and say something, or maybe he will enjoy getting to see her in it too. 

"Behave while I am in the shower, would you?" Natasha's voice is muffled by the now closing bathroom door, the sound of water coming through the pipes erupts a moment later, giving Sunny zero time to actually form an answer. With a mumble of "not likely" to herself, Sunny runs her hand over a garment bag that's hung towards the back of the closet. After a chance look back towards the bathroom to insure the door is still shut, she pulls the zipper on the garment bag down, revealing Natasha's stark white Dress Uniform in all of it's official glory. The damn thing is almost blinding in person between the pristine fabric and the shining of the buttons. 

An idea that hits Sunny almost makes her laugh out loud. With nimble fingers, Sunny pulls the entirely too white jacket off of the hanger. She pulls it on, carefully easing the stiff fabric up over her shoulders. With one gentle finger, Sunny feels the coldness of the nametag pinned to the chest. 

The plate reads the wrong name, Trace, filled in with white paint. 

Sunny takes in the sight of herself in the full length mirror Nat has propped up against the wall in the front of her bedroom. She attempts to ignore the tight feeling in her chest. 

The bright red of Sunny's dress, and the gray shirt she had just pulled over her body a few moments before, now partially obscured by the bright uniform top. It looks funny on her, from the way her eyes look to innocent against the hardness of the uniform to the way her fingers dance along the stiffness of the fabric. 

The urge to see Bob in is own uniform tangles in her chest along with the tight feeling- there is not enough space for both and she wants nothing more than to rip the fabric from her body. But, as she moves to pull it from her shoulders, she catches a glance of herself in the mirror one last time, pain in her expression, loneliness in the spaces of darkness below her eyes and suddenly, the uniform looks a little bit more correct. 

---

When Bob pulls his truck into the driveway later that morning, he carefully shifts down into park, shutting off his truck with a feeling of defeat clawing at his chest. He knows he shouldn't be tiptoeing around his own home, or holding his breath over the fact that Natasha's car is still parked out front. Yet, he can't shake that feeling from his bones. Both women still have to be home, not that Bob really expected anything different. After all, Sunny'sduffle is sitting in the passenger seat of his truck and he didn't expect her to wear her day old clothes out of the house. 

It's not like Bob thought she would mind, exactly. Sunny grew up on a ranch after all, and day old clothes worn in the city are still cleaner than any workwear found on a ranch. But, it's the principal. At least, that's what Bob has been telling himself. 

The fact that Hangman took off with Sunny's bag last night in the first place ticked Bob off, and so Bob went over to Jake's place to get it himself. Bob told himself when he pulled into Jake's driveway that he was doing the right thing- fixing his wingman's problem. He planned to call him later and let him know that the bag had been picked it up. Jake was bound to be sleeping off some sort of monster hangover, right? And there was no selfish motivation behind it, right? 

Bob lays his head against the steering wheel, forcing a couple of deep breaths into his system. It's getting increasingly more difficult to lie to himself about Sunny, now that she had walked back into his life, looking like everything he had ever wanted. Hell, she looked better, if that was even possible. She looked like his future, and up until she opened her mouth and the pieces fell into place, Bob thought he might break out his rusty moves and flirt the night away with her. 

That certainly didn't happen. 

Now that he has Sunny's bag, he's going to have to face her, right? After all, he can't exactly avoid her the whole time she is here, that wouldn't make him a very good host. Even if all of this history is stuck between them like some sort of unconquerable dividing force. Bob put himself in this situation, twice now. First when he abandoned her all those years ago, and again just this morning when he drove himself to Hangman's house and pilfered the bag from the back of his truck. 

The urge to unzip the bag and let the smell of Sunny's perfume flood the cab of the old Ford is almost too tempting. He can smell the faintest bit of left over fragrance on the bag itself, the smell all wood smoke and cedar under the lightest brush of vanilla that seems to be fading faster than the rest. Bob can't help the way the corner of his lip curls up at the scent. Sunny has never been a flowers and sweets kind of girl, those scents all too feminine and soft for a woman like her, at least, that's how Bob saw it. Hell, the damn burnt woodsmoke smell reminds him of home and it just makes sense that Sunny would wear it. 

Sunny has always been the worlds strongest girl in Bob's eyes. Maybe that's what allowed him to be so mean to her during school, and why he stood there and took her verbal beating in front of the crowd at the bar. Growing up in a Man's world, on a ranch in Florence, no doubt forced her into being strong- and if she couldn't punch her way out, she could sure as hell use her words. All Bob cared about was the fact that those words were directed at him, even if they hurt as he replays them over and over in his mind. 

There's that old saying, you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl. Bob assumes the same thing can be said about Montana. After all, Duchenne- Sunny is a Montana girl through and through and he can't separate them in his head. 

Hell, even if Bob has to remind himself over and over again that Duchenne isn't the one sitting in his house, it's Sunny now, all grown up, Bob still looks at her and sees, strength, sees home. He can see the clear of the sky in the smoothness of her skin. The wind plays through her messy hair, now in metaphor but still all there, fresh and crisp, bringing goosebumps to his skin. 

The damn smell of cedar and woodsmoke just completes the picture in his head; it leaves him yearning, which in a way feels just like home too.  

There isn't a way he can put it off anymore without a fear that he will throw the car into reverse and not come back until dark, so Bob pulls the bag over his shoulder and heads into the house. The sound of water running through the pipes hits his ears as soon as he walks in, and a deep breath he has been holding makes its way out of his lungs. 

Maybe he'll get lucky, he thinks, maybe she's in the shower and he can give the bag to Phoenix, delay talking to Sunny for another day, maybe two. Bob stalks up the stairs, the weight of Sunny's duffle threatening to collapse him at any second. 

It's not the weight, not really. 

It's the impending doom of it all. The bomb just a few seconds before it goes off, fragile and ticking down with each step he takes. 

The floor board creak beneath him, and it's a fitting sound, really, the groaning of the house matching the aching of his bones as he fights against the gravity pulling him down; pulling him in. It's the dizzying smell of woodsmoke that is flooding his senses that really seals the deal. It is stuck in his nose, much like the scent of jet fuel used to be. A part of him hopes that it also takes weeks to fade, to become something he no longer notices, that way, he can drown it while she is here, but then it will disappear our the door with Sunny. 

There is a moment where, just for a second, Bob wants to turn right around and head back out to the truck. Maybe not to leave, but to just exist in that scent for a little while longer without the fear of losing it. He hopes that it will stick around, that it will have embed itself into his upholstery. 

Hell, he hopes Sunny will stick around too, but that thought is fleeting and too far fetched to entertain for more than a second. After all, what's worth sticking around Miramar for, anyway?

The flash of stark white in his peripheral stops Bob in his tracks at the top of the stairs. There are few things in this house he knows to be that color, that bright, and none of them even come close to making his blood rush through his ears like the sight before him does. Sunny stands twisting her body in the mirror in Phoenix's room, the older woman's dress uniform jacket pulled carefully over her shoulders. Bob can't help but watch her, his mouth slightly agape has he takes in her form, clad in stark white, his Ford t-shirt speaking out between the open buttons. 

Suddenly, Bob is fighting against his own body to drag some sort of breath into his lungs. 

There is a wave of jealousy that snakes through Bob at his core. If she's in anyone's dress whites, she should be in his. Bob knows Natasha poses no threat, and hell, he is acting like Sunny is his to protect when in reality she is almost the furthest thing from that. From him and his love and his hands. But still, there is a part of him that's thankful that the jacket is hers, if Sunny has to be in someone else's. For a moment, the thought of Sunny is Hangman's uniform flashes through the forefront of his mind, but he doesn't entertain it any longer than it takes for the anger to drift out to his fingertips. 

The anger sits there, in his hands, beating under his fingernails and in the densest part of his palms. It's hot, searing, burning. 

Bob is not a stranger to the feeling, to the yearning. No, it's second nature by now. 

He is fighting for another breath, the ache somewhere between swallowed salt water and broken ribs.

Anger will not ruin this moment, Bob won't let it. Instead, he watches as Sunny's polished nails run over the pristine fabric, the lacquer only making the jacket look brighter. Bob takes in the subtle gleam in her eyes as she adjusts one of the cuffs. The wave of jealousy rolls through him again, this time, though, Bob wishes it was him under her well polished fingertips, so he could see the way the red of them pops out against his skin as she adjusts his cuffs. 

He almost lets himself imagine it- Sunny helping him into his dress whites. Bob has been in the Navy long enough to not need help with a uniform, he can pin his own ribbon racks on and make sure his name plate is sitting straight on his chest. Bob doesn't need the help. Yet, he can almost feel the gentleness that would be Sunny's touch, buttoning up those tacky gold buttons. He swears, if he closes his eyes he can see Sunny smiling up at him, the bright white of the uniform shining in her eyes like sunlight and it would be beautiful. 

And so he does. Bob closes his eyes right there, on the top landing of the staircase and lets himself imagine the way her fingers would bush over his uniform, too delicately, and how he would have to practice the upmost level of self control to keep himself from kissing all of that gentleness out of her. 

He takes the image of Sunny, smiling up at him on Prom night, under the stars, and lets himself remember how she felt under his hands. How it felt to kiss her. The feelings ebb and flow through him, his imagination pulled completely out to sea. He can feel the way her rings would dig into his skin, like they had years before. That feeling has never been forgotten. He wants to know how it would feel for Sunny to run her hands down the fabric of his uniform- or how it might feel for her to unzip the impossibly long zipper of his flight suit. 

Bob stops himself before his mind wanders too far- before he's unable to reign it in. 

When Bob finally cracks his eyes back open, Sunny is standing there, her hands still on the crisp white fabric near the bottom of the coat, eyes meeting, gaze tangling with Bob's own. Her gaze is a bit more sad, or maybe grief stricken, but she no longer looks angry as she stares at him. His breath hitches, the strangled breath caught in the denseness of his chest, and like a deer caught in the headlights, he has nowhere to go. The only thing left for him to do is squeeze his eyes shut and wait for the impact. And yet, he can't even  get himself to  squeeze his fucking eyes shut. Not when Sunny's finally looking at him with such kindness in her eyes. 

God, how Bob missed that look. 

The way Sunny looks at him is like a rush of blood straight to his head; like turning three-sixty in the cockpit a few thousand feet in the air. But that he was trained for- this? Nothing could have prepared him for this. For the softness behind her eyes where he has only been met with sadness in meetings past. Then, Sunny quirks an awkwardly shy expression, the whole thing coming out a little bit sideways and so very guilty.  

Neither of the pair is willing to speak first. Just the night before, Sunny couldn't keep her mouth shut and Bob wanted nothing more than to speak to her. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness. But now, they both stand in the cross fire of silence and desperate stares and it's not as heavy as either expected it to be. 

The sick swarming feeling of anxiety is back in Bob's stomach, still raging but less sour than before. 

When hasn't this girl, this woman before him, not made him anxious?

Maybe it's the softness of her eyes that quells it, or that guilty little grin that hasn't left her face even as the tinge of crushed raspberries takes over her skin. Bob tastes blood, the crimson invading his mouth from how hard he is biting his cheek. 

His heart hits against the backside of his ribs, calling out to her hands once more, the feeling threatening to make him as dizzy as her perfume. 

Silently, Bob slips her bag from his shoulder, taking a few steps closer to the bedroom door. He stops just outside of the jamb, still in the safety of the hallway. He brings a hand up to the jamb, leaning in just a little bit, just to get a little closer to her. Bob is chancing everything with this, as he leans, but he's do anything right in this moment if it meant he could be just that much closer with her eyes on him. Hell, he'd do anything to keep her smiling at him like that, even if it looks so damn guilty as it does nothing to cover up the sadness in her eyes. 

Then, Sunny is moving towards him, still clad in that damn white coat, sad eyes, and guilty smile. 

Bob's heart almost stops. The closer she gets, the more irradic it beats. He can see his Ford t-shirt under the open jacket and that's almost kills him. 

But, his heart keeps beating, he keeps living, so he holds the bag out to her like a peace offering, though he could never use it as one. It dangles between them, the muscles in his arm flexing to keep the heavy duffle from meeting the floor. The look Sunny gives him almost brings him to his knees, a fit place for him to beg for forgiveness, though his tongue is dry and still in the prison of his mouth. 

Then, her hand is reaching. Inch by inch, second by second, until her fingertips run over the back of his hand, so soft but still there, before grasping the strap in her own fist. He can't believe the moment that has just transpired between them; how soft her touch was or the fact that it was really her who touched him.

And again, Bob's heart calls to her hands like the moon calls to the waves and he is left wishing that it could be strong enough to pull them closer; until he is gifted with something just as sweet. 

"Thank you, Bobby," The words leave Sunny's tongue as no more than a mere whisper, but Bob wouldn't have missed it. He couldn't have. Not when it was her words- not when it's her. 

Words fail him again, but instinct kicks in and he is bringing his free hand up to his hat, nodding at her with a gentle touch to it's brim. Bob lets his fingertips graze over the brim just as soft as Sunny's touch grazed over his hand. The smile he is given lights his nervous system up, sending pin prick sparks dancing across the expanse of his body. Then, he is backing away, back towards the stairs.

Bob knows he has to get out of there, he just has to. There needs to be just one moment between them that isn't tainted. And Sunny smiled at him, in that fucking jacket that she had zero business wearing with his t-shirt underneath and it sent his mind reeling the closer she stood. So, he has to go. 

The takes the first two backwards before finally turning his back to her, unable to fight the smile trying to claw its way into his face. In that moment he knew he finally murdered Dr. Jekyll, and the feeling of standing over the metaphorical corpse of a twisted doctor is almost as good as that smile of hers when it's directed right towards him. 

When Natasha finally exits the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a towel in her hand as soaks up the water droplets that still fall from her hair, she is met with the sight of Sunny. She is still clad in Nat's coat, her duffle in her hand, staring out the doorway into an empty hallway. She stands so still, so quiet, Natasha thinks something might be wrong from the way the younger woman is just standing there. That is until she notices the smile on Sunny's lips and the doe eyed look that has taken over her features. 

That makes Phoenix smile too, her expression filled with a little too much knowing. She can almost picture the way Bob must look, leaning up against something, with that damn cowboy hat in his hand, or maybe held against his chest to cage in the beating of his heart. He's wearing that same fucking smile, that same doe eyed, hopelessly, head over heels in love look. 

Natasha want's to scream "go after him, you idiot!" but it's too soon, they need more time. Bob needs more time to figure out just how to make up for it all, and Sunny needs more time to trust again, to trust him again. Phoenix then notices the bit of sadness in the depts of Sunny's eyes. 

"Sunny," Natasha's voice is quiet, in attempt to not spook the lovesick look of of her friends face. Sunny doesn't turn from the door, still staring hopelessly into the hallway. She mutters a "Yeah?" in response. "Did he walk away from you again?" 

There is anger spiking through Natasha now, her fists balled, knuckles white. 

"Yes," 

That's all Natasha needs to hear. Suddenly, she is pushing past Sunny, rage taking over her in an instant. Nat is already down the hall, leaving her standing there sputtering. 

"Robert Floyd!" Natasha comes crashing into the living room. There is no answer from inside the house, so she turns, heading right for the front door. Sunny is clamoring down the stairs behind her, confusion and fear laced over her features. 

"Nash!" Sunny is hot on her friend's heels, her duffle bag now thrown over her shoulder, as the door swings shut with a loud slam. The walls shake, the nob still vibrating as Sunny pulls the door open. 

By the time Sunny makes it out to the driveway, Natasha is pulling Bob close by the collar of his shirt. Then, she is throwing him to the ground. His body hits the pavement hard; he winces, his glasses falling from the bridge of his nose. Bob opens his mouth to speak, but is met with a sharp right hook to the jaw. Then, a fist meets his nose. 

It's not clear which is louder in Bob's ears, the crunching of cartridge or the small scream that manages to escape from Sunny. He can taste the blood, metallic and sharp in his mouth, leaking into the paces between his lips and gums. 

"I told you not to hurt her again, Floyd," Bob is groaning, not in response but out of pain. He makes no effort to fight back as Phoenix drops on top of him, ready to hit him again.

But the punch never comes. 

And then her weight is being dragged off of him, Phoenix protesting the whole time. Bob carefully brings his hands to his face, blood smearing all over his skin. It's already dripping from his chin, collecting in dark, angry patches on his shirt. 

"What the fuck was that, Natasha?!" It's Sunny's voice that cuts through Bob's bleary state, his whole face wet. Sunny is still holding Natasha back, her hands pulling Phoenix's elbows together behind her back. He was just standing there, smoking, thinking about how fucking pretty Sunny looked in his shirt, and the way she touched him, and the next thing he knew, Natasha had him, and now he couldn't be more confused. This's an answer he wants to hear, too. 

"He had one more chance, Sunny, and he fucking hurt you! What else did you expect me to do?" This is the most angry Bob had seen her, even after yesterday. Sunny doesn't exactly look surprised, but God, she looks hurt. 

"No," The word is so stern it get's Phoenix to stop fighting against her grip. The anger is slowly simmering out of Natasha, and Sunny may as well have been absorbing it because she is fucking livid now. 

"But he hurt you, Sun-"

"No," She starts again, letting go of Nat's elbows, only to put herself between her friend and Bob. Suddenly the aviators are wearing equally confused expressions, but neither dare interrupt Sunny's angry tirade. "First of all, Natasha, you do not get to come out here, acting like a goddamn fucking fool then turn around and use that nickname with me. When I told you to call me that, I thought we had an understanding. Be there for each other, not fight each other's battles," Sunny's pointing a finger in Natasha's face. She is inching closer and closer, and it's taking all of Nat's will not to slink away. 

"Second, Bobby didn't do a goddamn thing. If you would've stuck around instead of going all Rambo, you might have found out what happened. We actually came to an understanding," Sunny's not sure if that's really what happened, or if an understanding is really something that could be reached between them, but it seems to be the best word to describe the complicated situation right now. 

Natasha looks at the blindingly bright jacket on Sunny, now decorated with Bob's blood. The coat is ruined now, stained with anger and lines crossed. She glances down to her hands, taking in the bright crimson decorating her knuckles. Natasha feels sick. 

"Third," Sunny takes her outstretched finger and tips up Natasha's chin with it, making the older woman look her in the eyes. Sunny pays no attention to the tears threatening to flood over her waterlines. "Look me in the eyes when I'm speaking to you. Even if he did hurt me, that doesn't give you the excuse to punch him, let alone break his nose! What the hell were you thinking?" 

Tears are slipping from Natasha's eyes now, her lower lip quivering. She chances a look over Sunny's shoulder to Bob, who is still bleeding profusely from his nose. He doesn't try and stop the blood, instead to focused on the women in front of him and the way Sunny is defending his honor. Then, she is shaking her head, sidestepping Natasha and heading back for the front door. 

Both Bob and Natasha watch her go. Nat is doing the best she can to hold in her tears, push them back down as she sniffles. Bob wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, already too coated in blood to really help anything. It just smears the blood further over the expanse of his rapidly bruising face. 

When Sunny returns a moment later, she has two purses slung over her shoulder, an ice pack and a set of keys in her hand. She approaches Natasha, she is shoving the keys and the smaller of the two purses into the older woman's hands. Natasha sniffles again, taking the items from Sunny's hands without a word. Hell, even if Natasha knew what to say, she wouldn't have been able to peel the words from he tongue. 

Then, Sunny is moving towards Bob. She kneels down, grabbing his now bent glasses from the pavement. Folding them up as best as she can, she places them on Bob's thigh. She is shucking the once crisp white coat from her shoulders a second later, wrapping the icepack in it before offering it to him as a sort of rag to help with all the blood. Bob takes it with a shaky hand. She guides it in his hand up to his nose. Sunny attempts to give him a reassuring smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. 

"Natasha is going to take you to the hospital," The words are sharp and loud, loud enough for Nat to hear. They are meant for her anyway. If Sunny's tone of voice didn't make him feel sick, the completely crushed expression on Phoenix's face would have. 

With a quick squeeze of Bob's thigh, Sunny is moving away. As she stands, she swipes the still smoldering cigarillo from the ground, bringing it up to her lips. The look Sunny sends Natasha as she grabs her duffle bag from the grass sends chills down both her and Bob's spines. Then, Sunny's back is turned to the pair as she heads down the driveway. 

The Aviators watch as she goes, turning down the street and slowly disappearing into the distance. Neither dare to move, dare to speak. After all, there is nothing to say, not when there is so much understanding between them now. Natasha knows now, how Bob felt at the Hard Deck as he watched Sunny walk away. Her anger clouded her eyes before, too focused on getting answers. But, she knows now, too, having watched Sunny walk away in a cloud of stolen smoke. 

When Nat finally turns back to Bob, he looks at her with such empathy, and that fucking breaks her. 

A strangled sob wracks through her from deep in her chest, clawing its way out of her throat as hot tears all but burn trails down her face. Then, Bob is holding a bloody hand out to her, beckoning her closer, to sit with him. So she does, the tears coming hard and fast, almost choking her. Bob wraps a comforting arm around Phoenix's shoulders, pulling her into him, a makeshift way to ground the both. She buries her face into the now crimson jacket as Bob rubs her back, letting her cry. As the sun gets higher in the sky, and the tears slow, neither attempt to move from their space on the concrete. Both are too weighed down from the day, from the fight, from watching Sunny walk away from their fucking mess. 

And so, the pair sit on the pavement, up against Bob's truck, covered in slowly drying blood; watching the road that their girl disappeared down, just hoping, praying that she might turn back around. 

[sophierequests]

The f!reader x Nikolai fic including Vasily was gorgeous! I just found it and wow - perfection. Absolutely jaw dropping.

Could I get a follow up fic about Nikolai's recovery? Maybe there are some after effects of the poison and he's struggling to get better. He's back at the Grand Palace but the fever, pain and dizziness keep plaguing him and he's having a hard time dealing with being so weak and feeling sick. Besides the wound on his chest hasn't healed either yet...

Basically reader being cute af and taking care of sick Nikolai (maybe also Vasily being a little but caring shit lmao)

bring me back to life // in the bright lilac light part two

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Request

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x f!Reader

A/N: This is part two to my 'Violet Rot' fic, so please check that out before you proceed with this one. Otherwise, you probably won't understand some of the references and the general set-up. I did not expect that anyone would want a part two to this particular fanfic, but I'm very glad you asked! Taking care of a sick Nikolai is very dear to my heart <3 Now I just have to wait for someone requesting a part three with the wedding djhalhldhja Thank you for requesting this, I hope I managed to live up to your expectations <3

You can find part one here!

Summary: Recovery is hard and there is nothing one can do to speed it up - very much to Nikolai's dismay.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, very much Fluff

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: Mention of death, blood, injuries and Vasily

"Why does he still look like he's standing on death's doorstep?" Vasily whispered to you as he looked down on his very sickly-appearing brother, who was supposed to have recovered from his injuries by now.

"Try getting stabbed with a poisoned blade and we'll see how you look after barely a week of being home," you replied, letting a comforting hand run through Nikolai's golden hair, carefully removing the wet strands that stuck to his fever-stricken forehead.

"I'm sure I'd at least have a little bit more…colour on my cheeks. That's all. He looks terrible," the prince mumbled almost childishly.

"I'm not unconscious, Vasily. I can hear you. Loud and clear for that matter. And it's not really aiding my headache," your fiancé rasped out, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"I think it would be best if we'd give him a bit of space. Some peace would very likely do him some good," you sighed as you filled up another glass of water to at least keep him hydrated, putting it beside his bed and attempting to stand up.

"Stay, please." You felt his hand tightening around your wrist, his grip hardly firm enough to pull your hand towards him.

"I'll take that as my sign to leave." Vasily gave you a courteous nod before sauntering to the door. "Don't die while I'm gone, brother. I'd hate to be the one having to break the news to mother."

"Don't get blackout drunk. I'd hate to be the one having to tell Nikolai about you vomiting into one of the plant pots again," you called after him, earning a faint chuckle from the man next to you and an offended grunt from his brother.

You turned back to Nikolai, watching him struggle as he attempted to sit up. The wound on his chest was still an oozing mess that just didn't want to heal properly. He could barely move his torso to complete the most basic tasks, and it infuriated him deeply. The additional fever and dizzy spells didn't improve his already low spirits.

"I hate to admit it, but our pompous little prince is right. You do look terrible, my love."

"Oh, so now you're taking his side?" he lamented dramatically, presumably putting all his energy into the act.

"Well, he is to be my future brother-in-law, after all. I must agree with him occasionally or else he might think badly of me. And who would want that?" you mused with highly sarcastic undertones.

"And I'm your future husband, does that not have any merit in the matter?"

"You're right. I should marry Vasily instead. Just to not commit any sort of treason by periodically opposing my beloved." Nikolai's gaze shot towards you, shock and a slight hint of disgust in his eyes.

"Don't you dare even think about that," he griped, fiddling with the delicate engagement ring on your finger.

It was a habit he had picked up ever since he had proposed to you. Whenever nervousness or stress overtook him, he'd reach out to take your hand into his, mindlessly twisting and turning the golden band. On the rare occasion that you weren't around, he would do the same with his own. It just wasn't as comforting.

"I would never," you snorted. "I do have standards. Even though I had to tweak them quite a bit to consent to marrying you."

Instead of giving you one of his snarky comebacks, he squeezed your hand one last time before letting go of it. His free hand reached for the glass of water on the side table next to him, but he was too weak to properly hold on to it, causing it to shake heavily. You quickly snatched it out of his hand, earning a dissatisfied glare from the young Lantsov.

"Love, I can-"

"Your hands are shaking like reeds in the wind, darling. As much as I would love to see you do all these things by yourself again, you can't right now. And that's okay. I'll take care of you until then," you assured.

"It's just so…frustrating," he let out a huffed breath, visibly overwhelmed by the whole situation.

He wanted nothing more than to just feel like his old self again. It infuriated him how weak he was. The pain should have gotten better by now, yet he still felt like a frail porcelain doll that threatened to break every time it left the shelf. And as much as he appreciated you taking care of him, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being useless.

"I know," you sighed, letting your eyes trail down to the bandage covering his chest. "But the more pressure you put yourself under, the longer it'll take for you to get better."

Nikolai turned his head to the side, not wanting you to see his face in case he wasn't able to keep the tears from falling. You seeing him cry would only humiliate him more, he thought.

"Nikolai." You cupped his cheek with one hand, pulling his face back to look at you. He hated that you knew him well enough to realise what was going on inside his head. "Don't be so hard on yourself. We're all so relieved that you're alive - even Vasily. No one expects you to do anything other than recover. No matter how long that might take. Please get some rest and let me help you."

"You shouldn't have to take care of me," he breathed out. "You shouldn't have to worry about my health or whether I will make it through the night. I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this."

"I'm not doing this because I have to, Nikolai. I'm doing this because I want to. Taking care of you isn't burdensome. Not to me." He closed his eyes as your thumb began to trace circles over the slight ridge of his cheekbone. "We're engaged - soon to be married. One of the conditions for that is to be there for the other. In sickness and in health. We may have not exchanged our vows yet, but that doesn't matter. I love you too much to watch you wither away like this. Let me do this for you."

"Thank you." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Now, drink something and then try to sleep for a bit. I still have some correspondence to take care of, but it won't take too long. I'll come back as soon as I'm done. Send for me in case you need me. " He only nodded in response, too tired to say or do much more.

You pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before you left his bedroom. Of course, you would have preferred staying with him, even if it was just to watch him sleep. However, you still had a few duties of your own to fulfil and you couldn’t shove them away forever. You couldn’t allow yourself another misstep after lying to your parents about your whereabouts, that was for sure.

After close to two hours spent with measly paperwork and bureaucratic duties, your focus was pried away from the neatly stacked documents on your desk by muffled bickering in the hallway outside your door. You took a quick look at your pocket watch, concluding that it was definitely way too late for your parents to still be out and about.

A bit hesitantly, you abandoned your previous occupation, carefully tiptoeing towards the corridor where the noise had to come from. The scene you had to witness almost gave you a heart attack.

Vasily stood in the middle of the hall, his normally pristine white shirt dirtied with bloodstains. He was hunched over, hovering close to another person that sat on the hard marble floor, their back pressed against the wall. When you noticed that said person was none other than your fiancé - blood smeared all over his hand and shirt, a dazed look on his face - you immediately sprung into action.

“Vasily?” You directed your question at the more alert-looking Lantsov. “By the Saints, what happened?”

“Fuck, if I only knew!” he replied, his stern features relaxing as you approached the two of them. “I was just about to retire to my chambers after a hard day of-”

“Day drinking? You reek of kvas, Vasily,” you muttered under your breath, poignantly ignoring the scowl he gave you.

“As I said, I was about to make my way back to my chambers until I saw this fool lying on the floor with blood everywhere. I thought he was dying! I tried to get him back to his own bedroom, but I can’t possibly carry him back there on my own. Especially not with all that carnage on him.” You rolled your eyes at his theatrics, crouching down next to his brother to assess whatever was going on.

“Nikolai,” you said his name once, your hand finding his face like it had a few hours earlier. His eyes were open, but he seemed to be somewhat loopy. “Love, are you alright?”

“Yes,” he hissed through gritted teeth, his bloody hand clutching the wound on his chest as he tried to sit up straight. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” you warned, looking at the quite deep cut that ran across his arm and hand. “Do you think you can walk back to your room? With our help, of course.” Vasily scoffed, but you didn’t let that bother you. “I have to take a look at that. You don’t need another injury that runs the risk of developing an infection.”

He wanted to say yes, but when another jolt of pain shot through his body, you knew that you couldn’t let that happen.

“That’s a no. Vasily, I will need your help to carry him to my bedroom. It’s right around the corner and we won’t risk having any of his wounds reopen.”

Even though the prince gave you a sharp look of dismay, he followed your bidding. Slowly, he bent down to his brother, slinging an arm around his middle to awkwardly force him to stand. Nikolai tried everything in his power to get both of his feet on the ground. However, he could only hold his weight for a few seconds before his knees threatened to give in. Vasily had to stifle a gag when he felt the wet blood dripping on his skin and staining his clothes. If you hadn’t been so worried about the state of your boyfriend you would have probably found his reaction pretty amusing.

“Are you certain that you want this biological hazard to be brought to your chambers?” he asked, turning up his nose when his brother let out a low grunt. “Wouldn’t it be preferable to bring him to a Healer? You know, like a person that is specifically trained to treat wounds like this?”

“No Healer, please,” Nikolai panted, tightening his hold on Vasily’s shoulder.

Both of you knew that he wasn’t too fond of Healers. It was not like he disliked or opposed them, but after seeing what people like them were used for in the Second Army. He had seen what they could fix, but he had also seen what they could destroy.

“It’s fine. I’ll take care of it. As much as I have seen, it’s nothing life-threatening. And even if it were, we all know that I have some experience in treating life-threatening injuries by now.” You flashed Vasily a cocky grin, reminding him of the threat on his life you made should he ever even do so much as think about telling anyone about what he saw in that medical tent.

“If you insist,” he mumbled, taking steady steps towards your room.

Once you finally reached the safety of your chambers, you ordered him to set him down in one of the armchairs next to your vanity - bloodstains be damned. Nikolai groaned as soon as his brother let go of him, his back hitting the braided wicker quite harshly.

“Uhm, I’ll go and…clean myself up now. Especially before mother sees this,” Vasily declared, his gaze staying on his little brother for a bit longer before he turned to leave. “You know where to find me in case you need any help hiding the body. Or whatever issue you might need help with.”

“Thank you, Vasily.” No matter how often this man had infuriated and annoyed you before, you couldn’t help but appreciate his unexpected acts of kindness when you needed them most. Even with his unnecessary commentary. “I think I can handle him for the night. But thank you nonetheless.”

With an acknowledging nod, he exited the room, leaving you alone to deal with a bleeding Nikolai.

“First things first, I’ll need to get you cleaned up, sweetheart,” you explained, hurrying towards the bathroom to grab a wet rag and all the other medical supplies you were sure to need.

Since you couldn’t have been sure whether the bloodstains on his shirt were from the fresh wound on his arm or the stab wound on his chest, you decided that his shirt had to go - it was ruined anyway, so what was the harm?

“Darling, shouldn’t we get married before consummating said marriage?” your fiancé joked, looking down at you as you unbuttoned his shirt.

“Kolya, this is not the time,” you rebutted light-heartedly, pulling the ruined shirt off his shoulders and allowing him to do the rest.

With rather unsteady hands, you tried to clean all of the remaining blood off his torso and arms, seeing that the wound on his hand wasn’t too drastic after all. He didn’t fuss when you tossed the dirty rag, replacing the warm feeling of the wet fabric with the cool sting of the numbing cream. The relief on his face was evident in an instant.

As you put a bandage around his arm and hand, you felt his gaze fixating on you, not leaving your form, not even when you left his side to clean out the piece of cloth and stash away your medical supplies. You couldn’t help but think about his nickname ‘sobachka’. He hated that nickname, but in moments like these, it rang more true than ever. He really was a lost little puppy sometimes.

“Are you alright, Nikolai?” you asked softly, stealing a brief glance at the bandage wrapped around his torso, which he detested with a burning passion.

“I am now. Thank you, my love,” he sighed, letting his gaze waiver towards the clunky bandage on his arm.

“Do you mind telling me what caused you to drag yourself outside of your room with a bleeding wound? How did you even manage that?”

“I was thirsty,” he began, the façade of the confident prince slipping, revealing a meek little boy that had to talk about something he really didn’t want to. “I couldn’t hold onto the glass and it shattered on the floor. And since I didn’t want to have someone else remove it, I tried cleaning it up. Well, let’s just say it didn’t turn out how it was supposed to.”

“And why didn’t you call for me, honey?” you sighed, retrieving one of his spare shirts from your dresser, not wanting him to get even sicker from the cool evening breeze that filtered in through your open windows.

“I didn’t want anyone else to see me like…this.”

“So you opted for stumbling through half of the Grand Palace looking like you had just murdered someone instead?”

“When you put it like that it sounds a lot less logical than I had imagined it.” Now you could see how he and Vasily were related.

“You were really lucky that your brother’s drinking habit forces him to be out this late. I don’t even want to imagine how long you would have stayed outside if he hadn’t found you.”

“We should probably call him again to help with getting me back to my chambers,” he fretted, dreading having to rely on Vasily’s help again.

“Absolutely not. You’re staying here for the night. I’m not letting you out of my eyesight tonight. Not after this stunt,” you declared, grinning at the befuddled expression on his face.

“We’re sleeping in the same bed? Before we’re actually married? Scandalous.”

“Choose your words wisely, or else I might let you sleep on the floor.”

“You would let a poor injured man sleep on the cold, hard floor? That’s pretty heartless.”

“Maybe I should genuinely reconsider marrying you if that’s how you see me. I heard Vasily is still looking for a wife,” you sneered, throwing him the shirt and watching while he put it on.

“Tough luck. You’d have to compete with his love for whiskey and horses first, and I have a sneaking suspicion of which one of you would win that scrabble.” You let out a faint laugh at that, shaking your head as you moved closer to him.

“Alright, enough slander for the day. Let’s get your stubborn ass to bed.” You offered him your arm, supporting him steadily before you cautiously manoeuvred him towards your bed. He was very unsteady on his feet, heavily relying on you to keep him standing, but you were glad that his knees didn’t threaten to buckle this time.

Slowly, you let him sit on the bed, lifting the duvet for him to crawl under. You were very careful when you slid in next to him. Even though you didn’t want to treat him like he might turn to dust as soon as someone touched him, you still had to be cautious to not accidentally hurt him.

A part of your worry subsided when he opened his arms, beckoning you to come closer to him. He may be a bit weaker than what he was used to, but his neediness was still on the same level as it was before. So with a hint of hesitance, you scooted closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around you.

His arms were still wrapped around your waist when you woke up the next morning. The sun that filtered through the window bathed both of you in a warm golden light that made wanting to get up even more difficult than you had expected. You couldn’t even begin to describe how much the thought of waking up like this for the rest of your life excited you.

You placed a gentle kiss on the sharp line of his jaw, tracing your arm along his arms before slipping out of his grasp. You had expected him to wake up after feeling you kiss him, however, he remained laying in bed like a wet sack of flour. For a moment you panicked, fearing that something might have been wrong with him. But when you intended to reach for his wrist in an attempt to check his pulse, a sonorant snore left his mouth. Perhaps he really just needed a long good night’s sleep.

He only showed any sort of life when you re-entered the bedroom after you had changed. His snores had seized completely now, replaced with his soft breathy chuckle as he watched you parade around your room.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” you laughed, seeing him sit up slowly. You were glad to see that he looked a whole lot better than yesterday. “You slept well, I assume?”

“How could I not? I slept next to you, after all.” His hazel eyes glistened in the light, resembling two pieces of true amber. “I can’t recall the last time I had a dream this pleasant.”

“What did you dream of?”

“I dreamt of a life with you in it.” His honesty made you freeze for a second. He was quite the piece of work. One second he had you fearing for his life, and the next he made your heart skip a beat because of how utterly besotted with you he was.

“I’m already in your life, Kolya. And I’m not intending to leave it anytime soon.” You walked over to your bed to press a faint kiss to his cheek. As a reminder that you would always be here.

“If I get bet-”

“When. When you get better,” you corrected, reaching for his hand to squeeze it reassuringly.

“When I get better, we should look into moving the wedding forward. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

“So eager to marry me now, aren’t we?” you laughed, letting out a high-pitched squeak when he pulled you towards him. “Nikolai, be careful!”

“Oh, love, I’ve been eager to marry you ever since the day I proposed to you.” He peppered your cheeks with kisses, forcing you to giggle like a young schoolgirl. Every single etiquette lesson you ever had the joy of attending flew right out of the window while your fiancé continued to make you laugh and wiggle erratically.

“I suppose I’ll have to agree to that.”

This was the life you wanted to have.

Nikolai had opted to stay in your chambers for a few days longer. This way, you would be able to get to him quicker, he reasoned. And obviously, you weren’t one to deny him. Staying with you seemingly helped him in his recovery, and it helped you in calming your nerves.

You could the colour return to his cheeks again, the longer he rested and let himself be taken care of. He was still weaker than he had anticipated, but he could do most of the minor self-care tasks himself. He could hold a glass, eat, and even managed to get himself to the bathroom without any sort of support. Even though that felt like a minuscule step to him, you were more than proud of him.

One week after he started sleeping in your room, he made you feel even prouder.

It had been such a long and tiring day of working through the piles of documents and correspondence that you could quite literally feel your body gravitating towards the floor. A quick glimpse at the clock told you that Nikolai was probably already waiting for you to come back. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you at all today - you had been with him for breakfast, lunch and dinner - but he still managed to pump up his theatrics and act like you had abandoned him for years. His penchant for overdramatisation didn’t help you with stowing away all your paperwork.

You pulled yourself to your feet, arranging and sorting all the different stacks you had created, before you put them in their respective cabinets surrounding your table. You had been so focused on your work that you didn’t hear the door behind you clicking shut, and someone approaching you very slowly.

A pair of firm arms wrapped around your middle from behind, someone’s head now resting on your shoulder. You were close to whacking whoever it was with the not particularly heavy paperweight, but when a gentle kiss was pressed to the column of your throat, you rethought that intention. Nikolai let out a muffled hum, his body flush with yours as you sunk into his touch. You didn’t begin to process the semantics of his presence until you noticed him sway backwards ever so slightly.

“Wait, Nikolai?” You wiggled yourself out of his grasp, your hands still resting on his in case he needed to steady himself. When you turned, you saw the smug-looking prince glance at you like he had just been caught red-handed in doing something he shouldn’t.

“Were you expecting someone else?” he asked, sounding almost offended.

“How did you get here?” You waved off his question, letting your eyes wander towards the door in an attempt to check for someone who could have helped him get here. The walk from your bedroom to the waiting room wasn’t long, but it was definitely longer than the walk to your bedroom.

“How do you expect me to get here?” He smiled at you, waiting for you to finally understand what this statement implied.

You raised a quizzical brow, not really following what he was trying to tell you.

“Since my horse didn’t fit through your door frame I had to take it upon myself to walk over to you,” he explained, watching the realisation spread over your face.

“You walked over here by yourself?” you beamed, unable to contain your excitement. “Kolya, that’s so good! I’m so proud of you. I knew you’d get better soon. Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Do y-”

He silenced you by pressing his lips onto yours, abruptly ending your ramblings with a smile on his face.

“I’m fine. A bit sore, but fine.” He kissed your forehead once more. “It’s late. I was wondering why you didn’t come to bed. Apparently, my terribly worrisome heart and undying love for you was enough of a reason for my body to eventually listen to me again.”

“Admit it, your main objective is to push our wedding date forward,” you laughed, looking up at him to see him smile sheepishly.

“I see, you have revealed one of my most well-guarded secrets,” Nikolai bemoaned with a fake scowl.

“If that is one of your most well-guarded secrets, I can’t even begin to imagine what the other end of that spectrum loo-" He kissed you again, uncaring of whatever sarcastic comment you might have to offer.

"Y/N!" The door to your office was slammed open. "Nikolai is not in his or your b-" Vasily stopped dead in his tracks, seeing his brother and fiancée look at him amusedly after you had just visibly been making out.

Both of you watched as a shade of deep red shot into his face as he noted the mistake he made by not knocking.

"Forgive me, I'll leave you to it."

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Nikolai Lantsov: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @kaye-here @maximoffgxrl @lastwandastan

[sugdenlovesdingle]

So here's my *actual* seven sentence sunday

@carlos-in-glasses @nancys-braids @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad

it's a little snippet of a Marjan/Nancy fic I'm working on for @captain-gillian (I hope you don't mind me sharing a little preview of your fic!) for @911actions Gaza fundraiser - check out the page to see how you can donate too!

---

"Work is good. We have a new probie actually." Marjan said, holding up her phone at eye level to talk to her sister. "This girl fresh out the academy. She's eager to learn but kind of reckless ."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Sahar joked. "I'm guessing you and her get on well."

Marjan laughed. She was sitting on her bed in the firehouse bunkroom, waiting out the last part of her shift, hoping no call would come in.

"She's a good kid." she settled on. "What's happening over there?"

"Malik and I just bought a house. With three extra bedrooms."

"Really? I didn't know you were looking."

"Yeah... This place is becoming too small for us."

"Why do I feel like you're only telling me half a story?"

Sahar laughed.

"I never could hide anything from you." she stood up and walked to a mirror, putting a hand on her stomach and showing Marjan her reflection. "It's early days but Malik thinks you can tell already." She turned to give Marjan a view of her profile.

"Wait. Are you pregnant?"

"Yes!" Sahar beamed. "About 12 weeks now. Don't tell mom and dad. They don't know yet. Only you and Malik's sister."

"I won't tell anyone." Marjan promised, pushing the thought that she barely spoke to her parents these days to the back of her mind.

"When we've moved into the new house, you need to come visit." Sahar insisted. "And you can bring Nancy too so we can finally meet her for real."

"I'd like that." she and Nancy were going on 8 months together and so far she'd only introduced her to Sahar via facetime. She was pretty sure her parents would be happy for them, but actually introducing Nancy as her girlfriend to them still scared her.

"I have to go now. We're getting the keys for the new house today." Sahar snapped her out of her thoughts. "We'll talk soon ok? Tell Nancy I said hi."

"Will do. Bye." Marjan said and ended the call and let herself fall backwards on the bed. Nancy made her happy, things were going great between them, and even the awkwardness with Mateo had been resolved, but outside of her work friends, nobody knew about them. She wasn't even sure if the B shift crew knew they were a couple.

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to get her brain to turn off. Either that or give her the answers she'd been looking for.

"Are you sleeping on the job?" the mattress dipped and an arm slipped around her waist as someone squeezed in beside her. She opened her eyes and looked into Nancy's smiling face. "We're you at least dreaming about me?"

"Always." Marjan vowed and tugged on her girlfriend's uniform until she leaned down to kiss her.

---

I won't annoy you all with a second set of tags so just consider this an open tag for YOU if you have anything you want to share

[flightfoot]

Do you have any advice for commenting on fics? I really admire how active you are in the ML fandom, and I'd like to follow in your footsteps with that regard, but where do I start? How do you find fics to read/comment on, especially considering there's so many? Do you focus on new/underrated authors? How do you make time to read/comment? I feel like sometimes I don't have the energy to write out my thoughts the way I'd like to, so any advice would be helpful <333

Awww thanks! I know a lot of authors appreciate getting comments, so this would be great!

I'll start with your more specific questions:

How do you find fics to read/comment on, especially considering there's so many?: I go through and check ML's AO3 page several times a day to see if any new fics or updates have been posted that I'm interested in. I've been doing this since 2019, so you'll see lots of comments from me going way back.

Do you focus on new/underrated authors?: Not particularly. I won't shy away from them, but I don't have a preference for them either. I just read and review SO MANY ML fics from so many different authors, that I end up reviewing a lot of fics from lesser-known authors as well.

How do you make time to read/comment?: Honestly I get a lot of it done even while I'm at work, I can usually keep up with most of the fic updates/new fics I want to read that come out during those 8 hours or so (unless someone drops like, a 50k chapter. Yes, that HAS happened), just by reading and reviewing during my breaks and lunch. I also check AO3 quite a bit while I'm at home and have free time, or even just when I'm using the bathroom.

As for advice for how to comment, it varies. Generally I'll start off with a generic "Awww this is adorable!" or "This is great!" or something of that sort, and if it's a really short fic (like under 1000 words) I might not say much more than that, especially if the fic itself is kinda generic. I don't always have a ton of stuff to say about every fic.

Then, I'll try to single out at least one part that I especially liked, like how much attention the author paid to Alya's thoughts, feelings, and problems, or how clever a Lucky Charm plan was, or how well the writer demonstrated Gabriel's manipulativeness during some particular section, something like that. I've even copied down a line or two from the fic itself and given commentary on it in particular. It's often not that insightful though, like I might just say "I'm glad Adrien got a hug, he really needs it!" or something like that.

Asking questions can also be a useful way to come up with something to write for a review, like if there's something you're wondering about concerning the fic. Like whether Adrien's a sentimonster in this fic because if he is, that's gonna recontextualize him submitting to Gabriel's orders.

There's also "live-commenting", which takes awhile and is more work than regular commenting, but I'll sometimes do when I really want to show authors how much I appreciate their writing, particularly when they're regularly dropping really long chapters (like, over 5000 words typically). I only do this when I'm on desktop and have a lot of bandwidth. I'll pull up two tabs with the chapter in both of them, and I'll read from the first tab and type up my commentary for the chapter on the second tab. This is helpful for getting out all your thought for the fic without forgetting anything. I'd only advise doing this on fics that you're pretty certain are going to be... if not "good", at least ones that you can trust the author isn't gonna do anything to piss you off. When I first started doing this back in 2019, I tried doing it on just any random fic I ran across at first, and quickly figured out that was a bad idea when one of the fics turned out to be a saltfic and I needed to abandon the review, and all the effort I put into it, because my commentary at that point would just be me getting mad at the author's choices.

Does anyone else have particular tips or tricks? I've been reading and reviewing fics basically since I started reading them fifteen years ago, so while I'm experienced in reviewing them, I'm not all that familiar on the hang-ups new prospective reviewers might have, as I just... never really had them. I've never exactly been shy.

[appalamutte]

10 Qs for Writers

Thank you so much for the tag @thoughtsofthegirlwiththecurl <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 12 (which includes one anonymous fic)

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What's your total AO3 wordcount? 44,278

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What fandoms do you write for? So far, Check, Please! mostly, though I've written/posted for Attack on Titan, and have various WIPs for both Haikyuu and Vinland Saga! (the Vinland Saga one might be posted soon.......)

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Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Of course!! I try to respond to every one

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Have you ever had a fic stolen? Thankfully not to my knowledge

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Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven't

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What's your all-time favorite ship? Damn, that's a tough one. I love too many too much. But, really, I think Daichi/Suga from Haikyuu just barely edges out Jack/Bitty from Check, Please! as my all-time favorite. Despite Zimbits being my favorite dynamic, Daisuga just found me at one of my darkest moments of life and has quickly grown to be my go-to comfort ship

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What are your writing strengths? I'd say imagery and the justifiable overuse of em dashes, but I'm very interested in what others might think!!

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What are you writing weaknesses? Perfectionism. I have the worst habit of editing as I write, because even though it's the first draft, when I read it back I'm reading it as if it were already posted/published. And that then leads me to obsess over every single sentence and phrase, usually before it even leaves my head, and I'll go back and reread what I've already written and rewrite it all, and it slowly dissolves me until I get so overwhelmed and burnt out that I just. Jump ship lol.

It's why all but one of my posted fics are less than 5k words - sometimes I get the burst of inspiration to sit down for 3-4 hours and bust out a quick 1-3k word fic (i.e., I black out and suddenly a fic appears before me), and it's complete enough for me to feel comfortable posting. Those are just so rare to occur, like maybe 2-3 times a year at most

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First fandom you wrote for? God, I want to say either Halo Reach or the Red vs Blue webseries by RoosterTeeth (also Halo Reach, really), but that was so long ago that I don't know if I actually wrote something or dreamed that I did lol. I definitely know that somewhere on my middle-school-assigned Google Drive, there's a half-written World War Z reader-insert fanfic collecting dust haha.

But if we're talking about the first fandom I wrote and completed a fic for, then Attack on Titan.

Tagging (with no pressure): @montrealmadison @doggernaut @parvuls @gordiemeow @a-very-gay-disaster @vitaliskravtsov @starthecozy open tag for anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!!

[callibones]

uhhh hh ..... hello! this is the same anon who sent in that ask about object camps. the camps you suggested sound really interesting! im a little too scared to join them for now haha but they sound really cool. they will rotate in my mind for a while i think HGFDSFGHJGFDSDFGH other than that .. 1 . i came across the wiki camp two and it looked so creative and interesting to me! i dont program in css that often anymore but the site makes me wanna go over and put in a bunch of pages. problem is.. i don't know how to Apply? or Do Anything? rn the site is locked for voting but just in general i tried reading the rules but still couldn't understand how it worked. if you knew anything about it that'd be nice. it also seems to have a discord server..? again im scared to check myself but if youre in it i wanna know whether it's a nice space to be in.

2 . uhhghgfdghj i peered through the rest of the blog and found the shelled one blaseball fic you posted ? and i think im really Normal about it. So after reading that i now trust your fanfic opinions. are there any other blaseball fics you'd strongly recommend? and uh general.. uh, evil mind controlly fics would be really nice too (the book of bill is also sort of ruining me along with this so i am truly looking for ANYTHING and like omg hbdxszexrdcfdsxrctvdxszaf) and thats all i wanted to ask you! sorry this is getting REALLY LONG i wish you well and i am So Sorry for bothering you!

HELLO AGAIN! not botherin me at all. :-] i was hopin youd find that answer.... i made sure to answer it at the same time u sent the question so you'd have a MAXIMUM CHANCE of findin it, and u Did! so Yay! welcome back. im going to tag my answers to your Post's with 🩸🟪 so we Never Get Separated Again. but i want you to know.... i don't bite! i literally can't on account of my face is a monitor. so if you wanna chat, feel free to dm me! you seem like a really fun person and we clearly have a lotta interest's in common so Consider That: An Option.

ANYHOO.

1) the wiki camp 2 is ABSOLUTELY a welcoming community. in fact, check this out: here's an index of plainly written explanations of various community in-jokes, to ensure nobody's left confused! while i'm not super active on the discord due to hyperfixating on single spaces at a time like some sort of cryptid, i have a lot of wonderful friends in the community and i'd wholeheartedly call it nice.

you don't have to apply to write, either! while i don't think there's an ETA yet on when the wiki's re-opening, whenever it does you'll be able to make an account for free and start creating to your heart's content! sometimes people who do that even get roped into the camp due to Token Shenanigans....

2) look. i get it. how much do i get it? the post you're talking about was written by my bill cipher fictive. and guess what book made me pick THAT thing up? we're in the same boat. i'm (RELATIVELY) normal 'round these parts, but if you do end up dropping me a line, maybe you'll happen upon some of my stuff? just sayin'. but as for what i can do for ya at the desk here...

thing is, i actually haven't read that much blaseball fanfic. i know! i WANT to. i have a list, which i'll reblog with your special tag right after this. but my brain doesn't let me read a lotta long stuff these days, which is SUCKS! i might poke around some tags and see what i can find, but that spectacular shelled one fic's the only one of its kind i know.

if you wanna read something Long and Serious and Really Really Good that's haunted me for years, put your eyes on Oil and Water, the shoe thieves disaster marriage classic about grief and autism and family and other such things.

then read everything else that catches your fancy, and send me your picks! and hey. if anyone reading this wants to help a cute anon out and knows some fics (or wrote some fics) that fit the Bill i mean the bill, PLEASE lemme know!! i Understand wanting more evil mind control. it's kind of my whole thing. PLUS i'm literally the shelled one's favorite

[foibles-fables]

20 questions for fic writers

Snagging this one from @mehoymalloy, tagging @tjerra14 @finrays @poetikat @saltygirafe and anyone else who'd like to do it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

75!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

348,609

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Horizon, Stray Gods, Control, and [fingers crossed] HOPEFULLY BG3 soon...lots more in the past, and potentially again in the future! (Warrior Nun, Legend of the Seeker, Critical Role, the list goes on. That tends to happen over 18 years of fic writing.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm gonna turn this question around a little and pick the top by kudos in each of my current- and/or most-active fandoms....if I went purely by numbers, the power of Avatrice would overrun the results, hahaha.

Because the Light Is Close (Warrior Nun), The Weight of Us (Legend of the Seeker), rest like you belong here. (Horizon), the veins grow in slow (Critical Role), and brave this time (Stray Gods).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely, to every single one! I appreciate, cherish, and return to every single kind word I get--and I gotta make sure that appreciation is known. Nothing makes me feel better than taking the joy of others and reflecting it back with gratitude!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh man uh....I think waiting through daybreak (Stray) (yes the cat game) fits the bill here. That, or so i'll stay half away (Horizon).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh no, SO many!!! Lemme pick just one here....today I'll toss embodiment (Horizon) into the ring.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my face, which I'm glad about!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah I do. Primarily/exclusively F/F, mostly of the very soft variety. But just because it's soft doesn't mean they're not fuckin' Nasty™

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I actually have never written a crossover.

....oh I LIED, I definitely crossed Grey's Anatomy over with Private Practice back in the day. But does that even REALLY count?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been asked a few times, and I've accepted, but they're not complete yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not in earnest!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. FORCING ME TO PICK ONE FAVORITE???

I won't choose between Aloy/Talanah and Cara/Kahlan. They can tie.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I am holding them in my teeth and growling. I am refusing to let any of them go.

16. What are your writing strengths?

prose-craft with evocative syntax, emotional immediacy, identifying parallels, descriptive introspection, character voice, strength in narrative POV

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOTTING. Can't plot my way out of a paper bag. I am working on this.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Totally would if 1) it actually fit within the fic/fandom itself and 2) if I had a trusted resource/knowledgeable person to reference and check my work!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the Xenosaga series, so many years ago.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is always the most difficult question to answer, and I feel like it changes by the day. I'd say it's either rest like you belong here. (Horizon), for the pure nostalgia of being The First fic I wrote for my current and long-lasting brain rot--or Because the Light Is Close (Warrior Nun), as a product of the exhilarating fandom time in which it was written.

[hardly-an-escape]

man... I'm seeing the recency bias in fanfic firsthand this weekend and I'm having mixed feelings about it. putting it under a cut because it's rambly and long.

I don't track my kudos as closely as some folks do, but I've noticed that the AO3 emails have been slowing down lately. which makes sense, as the last time I posted there was in October and I haven't been super active on tumblr lately either.

but I posed a fic yesterday and almost immediately started getting kudos on other works of mine as well – and it's super obvious why, of course: people who enjoyed the fic I'd just posted clicked on my profile to see what else I've written, and checked out my other, older fics. same thing actually happened to a lesser extent here on tumblr, with likes popping up on older posts, presumably because people found my fic masterlist via my pinned post (which includes things like ficlets that aren't on AO3, AU ideas, etc.)

on the one hand, this is awesome! this is exactly how an archive is supposed to function, after all, just like how you go to the C shelf at the library to find more books by Agatha Christie.

on the other, it's hard not to take that info and translate it into "I must continue to produce work so that my older work will get noticed, too." I must keep my name up there among the most recent posts, I must stay visible. or maybe I'm not doing a good job of self promotion; maybe I should try to circulate my own older fics more, maybe I should tag my stuff better, etc. etc.

of course this is only anxious internal pressure, and it's fairly easy to ignore. I'm not in fandom for clout or "engagement," I'm in it for fun. and that kind of thinking is the opposite of fun, so I try not to give in to it. but it's hard sometimes. I mean, I want people to read what I write, and enjoy it, and react to it. I get a lot of satisfaction and validation from others' reactions to my writing, and I'm not going to pretend that that isn't part of the reason why I post my fic!

but I'm also a slow writer, and not very prolific when it comes down to it (for a lot of reasons, ranging from ADHD to a busy real life to my mental health). and it does bum me out a little when there's such a clear difference between the number of reactions I get to my work when I've posted something recently vs when it's been a couple of months since I shared something new. the joy of getting that attention is tempered by this bittersweet, "wow... I could get that feeling even more often if I was just... better." if I wrote faster. if I posted more.

but it also drives home how important it is to circulate posts and older fics! to go past that first page on AO3, to really dive into the tags for fandoms or pairings you love and seek out some older stuff. it drives home the importance of things like rec lists and masterlists, which enable us to collect and share works that may have fallen out of view.

(and yes, it drives home for me personally that I can always be doing more to lift up my fellow writers, to reblog and comment on things I like, so everyone can get that good feeling of knowing someone enjoyed something they wrote.)

anyway. lots of thoughts and feelings over here. and I want to be clear that this is all my own personal stuff – please don't take any of this as judgement or criticism of how anyone else engages in fandom. just barfing my thoughts into the void.

[misc-obeyme]

I have so many things running through my head right now (all about Barbatos 🫶) but I feel weird sending multiple asks so I hope you don't mind if I put them all in one!

Firstly, owl Barbatos has been flying around my thoughts for DAYS. As a long-time bird lover, I can wholeheartedly say that he's very owl like in general! But this is less about him being a cutie patootie little bird and more about his onesie thing. I NEED TO HUG HIM. He looks so soft and comfy and squeezable EEEEE! I just need to spot him from across the room and then rush up to him and envelope him in the biggest embrace ever! Place several little kisses all over his beautiful face before he's had enough and just kisses me... 🙏 He actually looks like a dream to cuddle with in his onesie I cannot stand it.

Next, I am terrified of butterflies. This current even had me thinking all about how Barbayos would deal with this. Like, I am so scared of them that when I was a child, I was kicked out of the butterfly sanctuary for screaming and crying and scaring the other kids. Anyways, LMAO, I think he'd think I'm silly (I am) but still never make fun of me. That's what's so wonderful about him, he'll never judge!

I just realized these are all completely self-indulgent, and I apologize for that, but I have one more djmsjdwnwkow. So, I had left over chain from a previous DIY project, so I made Barbatos' collar chain that he has in his demon form!! I think it's super cool, and I think he'd think it is, too. I wouldn't even tell him about it, I'd just wear it one random day and see if he notices. (He will. He notices everything. More evidence towards owl Barbatos propaganda.) But, yeah, we'd match. I was wondering if you had any silly things you'd like to match Barbatos with! Personally, matching pajamas and keychains are SO cute.

Final thought, Barbatos would make you his home screen. Anyone can see a lockscreen if you look at their phone, but only he gets to see your face on his home screen <3

Listen, I always have Barbatos brain so I totally understand. You're free to send in one long ask or several smaller asks, it's whatever you're most comfortable with! I don't mind either way 💕

Ahh, owl!Barb is truly excellent. Like I definitely think that's a good choice for him. Owls have a reputation for being wise, right? And while I think in reality they're probably just as dumb as any other animal, I still like the association of wisdom for Barb, you know?

I actually have an owl that lives behind my house. I've never seen it because it gets dark here at night, but I've heard it hooting. It's actually pretty loud lol. But wouldn't it be cute if that was something Barbatos could do to like check in on MC in the human world? I think something similar whenever I see the crow gang that lives across the street from me, except I imagine it's Mammon. That's probably pretty silly, but I can't help but think about them, you know?

I think there are a lot of bird associations with the characters, I mean we also got peacocks for Luci. Though I have never seen or heard a peacock around my house lol. If I ever see a cow in the street, I'll blame Belphie.

Anyway, getting off topic here, which is that Barbatos in his onesie is absolutely adorable and I love him. He would be a delight to cuddle with.

OH suffering from lepidopterophobia?? LOL yes okay I looked that up because I was curious. I was like there has be a word for being afraid of butterflies. Anyway, I don't think Barbatos would judge you at all. The fact is, most phobias like this are irrational, it doesn't matter if they don't make sense. For you the fear is real and Barb cares a lot more about your comfort than anything else. He wouldn't want you to be scared or anxious about it!

Yo, no worries about self indulgence. I have so many self indulgent fics it's not even funny, this is what we're here for. I think Barbatos would be flattered that you would want to match with him. I especially like that it's something from his demon form, which he isn't in all the time, so it's like you're matching with him in a subtle sort of way. As for me, I don't know if I'd want something that's exactly matching, but I like the idea of something that's like clearly about him, you know? Like wearing a ring with a teal stone or something like that. I initially thought about wearing a teal septum ring, but then I realized I would like to be able to see it without a mirror so a regular ring would probably be my choice. I do like matching pajamas, though, that sounds adorable!

Oh yes, I like him being possessive. He's like, only I get to see this picture of MC, so it must be home screen. We'd kinda match that, too because this man is already on both my lock screen and my home screen yes I have a problem.

[brainshock-alpha]

a while ago i was tagged by @go-go-devil to answer twenty fic writers' questions... i've been preddy busy so i'm just getting around to it now lol. thanks for thinking of me velvet!

this turned out quite long so i'm gonna do my tags up here -- @boyfrillish @pastryglitch @firethekitty -- as usual participation is voluntary, tagged or not :) do these q's if u think it would be fun. that's all

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35 (includes users-only works)

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

146,365, for an average of ~4,182 words per work. but really, it's just like four of my long multichapter works skewing the average that high.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

in a strict present-tense sense, it's just pokemon. i've written for a slightly odd variety of fandoms in the past; anyone curious enough to check will readily observe that i go through fandoms in neatly stratified phases lol. i don't tend to be actively involved in more than one at a time.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Box Open (st*rdew valley) - 373

Transfer Point (pokemon bw) - 279

Vital Signs (biosh*ck infinite) - 146

Tidal Lock (hylis) - 107

Moonstruck (hylis) - 93

censoring fandoms so i don't appear in searches (excepting pokemon cuz i'm pretty sure those results are basically unreadable lol). anyway i can't believe vital signs is that high up there lmaooo but everything else seems reasonable

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but sometimes it slips my mind and then it's too late to reply without it being weird :( whether i got around to replying or not, i'm grateful to everyone who said sth nice on my stuff 🙏

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhh honestly i don't get super angsty with my fics, especially not the endings lol. simpley not my style... i guess transfer point ended on a rather bittersweet note. born with a weak heart would have been even more so, if i'd ever finished it.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

on the other hand i also don't write fics with particularly saccharine endings either. it's kinda just, oh this is pleasant/cute/hopeful :) i wouldn't say there's a clear winner.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

so far, any haters have kept their thoughts to themselves, which is good. i suppose my writing is usually quite benign anyway lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

i have a few unfinished drafts lying around but i've never published anything. (unless you count that one with piers/emmet? it's nsfw for sure but i think you'd be setting the wrong expectations if u called it smut lol.) anyway i'm not terribly interested in going into detail here.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

again, i've attempted to draft some in the past but never got close to finishing any of them. i think i'm more likely to draw a weird crossover than write one :p

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've uhhhh translated my own fic once??? i guess that counts but i wouldn't say i did a good job LOL -- i'd written a supershort 200-word thing in both english and scots, and i haven't studied scots all that extensively. but it was fun to try, and somehow the scots version got more attention than the english one lol

anyway, if anyone's ever interested in translating my works, feel free to reach out! i'd be happy to help out by answering questions/clarifying meaning/etc :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nop! it's not really something i've ever considered, but i suppose in theory i'd be open to trying it.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

god i can't give just one answer to an all-time favorite anything LOL. uhhh deduswayne still has a special place in my heart; the autistic jock/autistic nerd dynamic i gave them was so fresh and fun to me... i love raileon despite not ever really writing it ooooops... and then griebold is my newest interest, which is quite funny since raileon is one of the most popular pokemon ships on ao3 but griebold is so unheard of that i'm literally the only person to have posted an english-language work for it there lmfao

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably... the bede&hop post-canon qpr fic... i really would love to write a qpr (as well as non-romantic relationship drama in general) but it's another sprawling multichapter thing and idk if i have it in me :^(

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue and character dynamics hehe... that's what's most fun for me to write too. i also like to believe i'm good at writing a ship without losing sight of the individual chars involved. and i'm pretty good with spelling and grammar, contrary to what my casual fucking around on tumblr posts may imply LOL. i may not always write in the clearest or most beautiful way, but by god that syntax is solid

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

description lol. i am not a poet by any means; i think it will not surprise anyone to know i did better in linguistics classes than in english.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

do it if 1) you're able to put in the effort and 2) it makes sense to do it. on point 1, i don't think there's anything wrong with saying that chars are speaking in another language but rendering the actual written dialogue in english (or whatever ur mother tongue may be), especially if it's not a language ur fluent in. of course it's good to do research for ur writing but language learning is hard, doubly so if ur trying to write those chars speaking casually. cuz you can't really pick that up from reference texts, or maybe you can but it comes out sounding odd and unnatural. (think of how easy it is to mess up english slang/colloquialisms.) BUT you know, perfect is the enemy of good, and if ur willing to give it the ol college try then i really think it'll help ur foreign-lang-speaking chars feel more alive.

on point 2, i'm mostly thinking of the context of multilingual chars, which adds another layer of complexity. this old post will give u an idea of what i mean. if you're monolingual and mostly only interact with other monolinguals, you may find it difficult to write bilinguals believably. i suggest looking up info on code-switching and, more generally, language learning and bilingualism. (and also heritage languages, which fall under bilingualism but have their own specific features.) again, this is pretty demanding stuff and i wouldn't blame you for just sticking to english dialogue, but i do think it's worth a shot.

have i tried this myself? yes, most prominently in the day to end all days, and also a bit in my other swsh fics... oh yeah, i guess i also made siebold use quebec french swears lol. mind you, i'm under no illusion that i write it well. no one has told me yet that i'm fucking it up, but also no one's told me i'm doing a good job either lol. so idkkkkk

19. First fandom you wrote for?

st*rdew valley... i loved that game so much that it motivated me to start making fanfics and fanart haha. i started posting black box open about eight years ago, which if you'll recall is the fic i have the most kudos on. it was all downhill from there buddy!!!!!!!!!!! lol i'm just kidding, i really just tend not to write for popular fandoms is the thing (or when a fandom is at its most popular)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

honestly it's usually just Whichever Fic I Posted Most Recently lmao. i guess that's not bad, that means i feel like i improve with every story or w/e. i'm still really attached to the day to end all days, though. it's not finished yet (and won't be for quite some time) but it has the most involved plot yet out of all my fics, and it explores some really interesting character spaces too.

[go-go-devil]

My friend @silenthillmutual tagged me to answer some fic writer's ask game questions, so without further ado...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

17 as of right now.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

181,115

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Hylics, but I've dabbled in several different fandoms. I've also written for the band Ghost, Pathologic, Knock-Knock, created the Neverending Nightmares tag on AO3 which still only contains the 3 fics I wrote for it, and am currently writing an epic novel-length Dark Souls fanfic!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Outcasts in an Overcast - 109

2) Dedusmuln Uncharted: The Hunt for the Paper Cup - 78

3) Molding A Legacy - 61

4) The Moon is Down - 60

5) Chaos Inverted - 51

Basically most of my Hylics fics lol 🌙 🎸🌯

5. Do you respond to comments?

I always try to respond to every comment I get since it's not often that I get any. There were a few that ended up slipping through the cracks of my memory, and to those I'm sorry since it now feels kinda weird to respond to a comment written years ago, but mostly if you see a comment that I haven't answered it most likely means I've already responded to the person on another social media site.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely a tie between The Moon is Down and Chaos Inverted, but frankly that's to be expected since Gibby's such a doomed character. Out of all the blorbos I had to write Shakespearean levels of angst for it somehow ended up being the clay alien who's head looks like an orange and/or zoopals plate XD

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ironically it's a Pathologic fic I wrote two years ago called Like A Fire Melting Us Down. Basically a hurt/comfort fluff fic featuring Murky and Daniil bonding over both being autistic. It's probably the only fic I've written fic I've written that has a definitively happy ending, as in there's no room for darker speculation for the future or anything like that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no. If anyone out there doesn't like my fics they've done good not to harass me about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

No.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

The only crossovers I've written thus far both involve the game Knock-Knock; either the Lodger interacting with Thomas Smith from Neverending Nightmares or Daniil Dankovsky from Pathologic.

The latter comes from the fic Intruder, which I'm most proud of of all the crossovers I've done so far, yet I'm kinda surprised no one else has attempted this themselves or entertained the idea of my fic since Knock-Knock was what inspired Pathologic: The Marble Nest to begin with. I guess it's true that there are only 12 Western Knock-Knock fans left on the internet...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Also thankful this hasn't happened yet.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone wants to please let me know. I'd be more than happy for my stories to cross language barriers!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

One time my fellow Hylics fic veteran bombcollar wrote a story called Dedusmuln's Dossier, which is all about Dedusmuln documenting all of the enemies in Hylics 2, and which I contributed two pieces of writing for The Hand of Moodbleen and Carassius! It's an awesome fic I recommend any Hylics fan check out, and I had some good fun thinking of what I wanted them to say about these two uniquely annoying enemies.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Goddammit I don't fucking know lmao. I don't take shipping as seriously as other people do. For now I'll say Burakhovsky for all the beautiful art I've seen for it, the Hylics crew being in a queerplatonic polycule and, just to throw an insane curve ball at everyone in the room, Siegmeyer/Domhnall ;-)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm gonna finish 'em all one day. I will not leave my children to rot in the pits of Writer's Block Hell...

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told by many people that they tend to really love the way I write dialogue for each of the characters I work with, original or already created. I'm also a lover of environmental descriptions and am always trying to build upon and improve in that aspect into my works.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably fight scenes since I've had so little practice, and due to a lot of the books I read not really having that many. I'm hoping To The Accursed can help me improve on that front, since Dark Souls is so heavily combat-oriented.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't gone farther than using singular words in other languages as of right now. That's something I'm definitely gonna need to step up on later down the line, particularly since there will be Dark Souls characters I'll be writing soon who will be speaking some sentences in Latin and Welsh respectively.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Swedish metal band Ghost! It was a story called For A Divine Cause which was about Papa Emeritus Primo realizing he suffers stage fright right before he's supposed to start touring for the first album, and thus summons his younger brother Terzo to help shape him up into being a good front man.

It's without question the worst of my fics from a writing and technical perspective, but it was the first one I ever wrote so that's kinda to be expected. I am pleasantly surprised it has so many kudos and bookmarks after all these years!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Honestly, I'm think I'm gonna have to make it a tie between Dedusmuln Uncharted and Chaos Inverted.

The first is the fic where I truly started getting more creative in my writing (and is my first full made podfic which I'm even more proud of!), while the latter was sooooo much fun to write and gave me the confidence to write novellas. The Hylics fandom has been so supportive of my work, and I thank you all for being the best fandom experience I've ever had <3

That was fun! I'll tag @bombcollar, @pinkiepiebones, and @brainshock-alpha for this one ✏️✨

[casketscratch]

I am trying to write it all out and just purge what happened, or line up the pieces I know.

I can only ever do this when I use the pronoun "you," like--

Your parents get divorced. You still see your Dad every weekend. He takes you to see your grandfather every Sunday so your mom can focus on her coursework.

It's never "me," it's never even a specific alter name, it's just this "referring to myself in second person because it offers a certain distance." But I've always done this, journals going back as far as I can find are just 'you' all the way down, and sometimes in a really meta, self-aware way? There's an entry on the dreamwidth somewhere where it's like a narrator self-reflexively checking himself about how there's no real "you" there and he doesn't know who he's talking to.

Which, on the one hand, no wonder I gravitated toward being an English major, lol.

On the other hand... I doubt this is just me because "does anyone else do x" questions inevitably end in "yes!" from someone, right?

Totally cutting this because I am getting super navel gazy and English majory about my own writing at the same time.

I'm really interested in how much dissociative distance this enables while still being "intimate" in an omniscient narrator sense? Like "I" can still write about it by treating it like a second hand story or something. It's also definitely a sort of Watcher/Narrator part whose role it seems to be, he calls himself the Chronicler, so there's a lot of "an alter talking about another alter who he doesn't feel is part of his person" and whatever. But before I knew about any of that, this is just. How I'd journal without thinking much about it.

(I am also kind of high and working through this like a bad first draft here now, sorry, lol)

We never really experienced 3rd person POV dissociation like a lot of the literature talks about either and I kind of wonder if that made writing in third person feel more alien than second. Or something. (Or it's bits and pieces of all of this and a lot of factors at play, which, yeah.)

Bonus points: I hated psychoanalyzing literature in university because I'd have to start thinking about this stuff, but that period was also when the "you" logs really started. It was Chron and Stephan and Crue, or Chron reflecting back Stephan and Crue to themselves as "you," or whatever. Lot of "you" entries that read like short stories, like Chron was... watching our life like a TV show, but instead it was writing it like a book, I suppose?

And lest we forget, all of those entries from that period were "coded." We recovered our memories last year by realizing that if we followed the trail of references and allusions to our own, other journals over the years, we could trace a path to Crue in the inner world (or whatever, I guess more like discover our own system's architecture and find communication lines). That's how we reconnected with him.

He joked once that he introjected House of Leaves, because the logs/journals/thing really is this massive sprawling hypertext of memory and forgotten blogs and logins and passwords, Borges labyrinth kind of thing, and we've still only worked through about half of it. It was enough to break through our host's denial, anyway.

Maybe this urge to rewrite everything with what we know now is connected to that too. Like it's updating what's basically our own system's domesday book and fleshing out what Chron's learned since? Just. All in second person, all the time.

(The House of Leaves thing is like 50% a joke and 50% not, because I am also getting pinged with memories of studying it in a postmodern fic course when Crue was doing the academic work and maybe he's really not kidding, maybe our brain really did go "oh that'll be USEFUL" and here we are.)

[bteezxyewriter12]

Don't Forget/ 1

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 3.9k

Includes- Angst, mentions of accident, amnesia, heartache, caretaking, some fluff, unconditional love

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist

📝Yoongi Masterlist

Part 2

J POV

"Your name is min, Yoongi", I say, holding his hand, brushing his hair behind his ear

"You were born in Daegu, South Korea. You live in Seoul, South Korea. You're 29 years old"

He doesn't say anything, just looks straight ahead, his hand limp in mine but I keep playing with his hair

He used to love that and I hope it's still a comfort to him

It breaks me to see him like this

Barely responsive

I don't know if he hears me or understands what I'm saying

But the doctors told me to say this every time I come see him

It could help him remember, it could make him want to try to speak more if he hears my voice

I will do anything for him, no matter what it is

Anything to help him

"You're in a group called BTS. You're a rapper. Composer. Lyricist. Performer. A pianist. A guitarist. A musical genius"

Over the months he's been in the rehab center the doctors told me to add more information and details to what I say to him, to try to jog his memory

"You're famous, you have millions of fans all over the world called ARMY. You have dozens of awards for your hard work with the guys and your solo work"

I've showed him pictures of the guys, they've come to visit too but they get no reaction either

Same with his parents

Still I have a small album I bring everyday and show it to him, naming the guys, his parents, his brother, Holly, anyone important in his life

Sometimes he'll raise his eyebrow or he'll stare hard at the picture before his eyes flit away

But he doesn't say anything or acknowledge anything

I know it has to be hard for him too

I don't want to push him which is why I keep these sessions under an hour, then spend the rest of the day with him doing whatever he wants

Which isn't much

I take him outside to the small garden they have here where he can sit to get some sun

We watch TV

He naps

He goes to rehab in the mornings to improve his walking, his speech and his fine motor hand skills

All that was damaged

He's slowly getting better but I don't know how his brain was affected

The doctors don't either

They know he lost almost all of his memories and they think all his cognitive skills are intact from his sessions with them

The doctors get more of a reaction from him

He answers yes or no questions with a nod or shake of his head

They told me that he does speak sometimes but it's a struggle and he becomes discouraged

They want me to try to get him to talk but I'm not going to force him just because they want him too

He needs to do it at his own pace

"You're an amazing man Yoongi"

The doctors think he's depressed which explains his lack of speaking and interest in anything

I think he's depressed too and I hate it

I've been around when he was depressed and it can get bad

So I approved the psychologist sessions and anti-depressants too

I know him, all of him and I'd know what he'd want

He wouldn't want to be depressed

I've known him since we were little

We got together officially in high school and it's always been us

No breaks, no break ups, just me and him

High school sweethearts and all that stuff

I've loved him my whole life and I will never stop

He was in love with me the same as I was with him and I hope he still does

But I don't know because he doesn't respond

I don't know if he knows who I am or if his feelings for me are still there

It kills me to think about but I hold out hope that he still does

"I'm Min, Joanne. Your wife", I say, trying to keep my voice steady, "We have been married for three years"

Together for 15, married for three of those 15 years

I've never looked at anyone else, never worried about the whole being with someone else to see what's out there stuff people used to tell me

I didn't want what was out there

I wanted him

He felt the same and told me that but I was skeptical because of BTS

He's famous, girls everywhere were willing to throw themselves at him

He was around female idols and female ARMYS who are way prettier, way sexier than I am

But he proved to me everyday that he was serious when he said that I was the only one for him

He meant it and I'm so grateful for him

"I love you so much. And you loved me", I say, hoping it's still true

I fix our hands, lacing our fingers together and kiss the back of his hand

His eyes move to our hands for a few seconds then back to nothing

At least it's something

Looking at him, he doesn't look at me, his face staring straight again

He is so beautiful

The scars he has on his face and head from the accident, don't take away from his beauty

He's always been everything to me

He's the love of my life

"You're my everything Yoongi. My sun, my moon, my stars, my heart. My naekkeo"

I take a second to compose myself before tears burst out

I don't want to cry in front of him

I don't want him to feel guilty or upset

Nothing is his fault and I won't make him feel like it is

"I'll do anything for you naekkeo. Anything. I love you."

I pause for a little, to hopefully let what I'm saying sink in

And to give him a chance to respond

After ten minutes of complete silence, I decide to continue and pull out the album to show him the photos

---------------------------

I sit next to him on his bed, holding his hand, visiting hours almost over

I absolutely hate leaving him here overnight but I can't do anything about it

I'm not allowed to stay

No visitors are

Turning to him, I start speaking softly

"I won't be able to come tomorrow baby"

He doesn't turn his head from the tv

I doubt he's even watching it

It's just on for noise

But still I continue, just in case he's listening

I have to go to court tomorrow to speak at the sentencing hearing

I don't want to

I want to be with him but his lawyers say that it will help if I spoke, letting the court and the defendant know how much her actions damaged Yoongi's life

It could make her sentence longer

And I always said I'd do anything for him and I will

I just hate that it has to be away from him

I slowly run my hands in his soft black hair

It's longer now and I like it

I don't know if he does or if he wants to cut it

There are bigger problems than a hair cut right now

"I have to do something tomorrow. I have to go to court to talk about the accident. To make sure the sasaeng who did this to you gets the full sentence. I don't know how long it will take at the court. Maybe all day. So don't think I'm not here because I don't want to be. I do. This is just something I have to do ok? I'll be back on Saturday", I promise him

His eyes, expression, body stays the same

No movement except for the little tremors in his hand that are always there, making his fingers twitch

Tears well up in my eyes but I force them back

When I leave here, I can fall apart like I do every night

I miss sleeping with him so much, miss having him in my arms, kissing his cheeks, rubbing his back, playing with his hair

Every night I ask whoever is out there why

Why this had to happen to him?

What did he do for this to happen?

Why take his memories?

The damage to his body was bad enough but to take his memories away, leaving him not knowing who he is or the people in his life?

It's cruel

But like always, I never get an answer

"Come naekkeo, I'll help you into bed

Helping him lay down, I pull the blankets up, tucking him into bed

I leave the tv because he likes having the noise and he'll fall asleep to it eventually

"I love you so much naekkeo. If I don't see you tomorrow, I'll see you on Saturday"

Leaning down, I kiss his cheek and for a brief second I lean my head against his, just breathing in the scent that is Yoongi

He still smells the same and his smell gives me some comfort

"Love you", I whisper, then force myself to move away from him

My heart breaks as I walk to his room door

I turn back to him, hating seeing him look so small in that big bed, a look of emptiness on his face

I force myself to walk out of the room, tears streaming down my face as I make my way down the hallway

---------------------------

Glaring at the back of the defendant's head, anger surges in me and I want to kill her

Just fucking cut her head off or stab her

Yoongi is the way he is now because of this cunt

Because she had to follow him in his car after seeing him in a store

She had to speed after him and crash into his car because she wanted to kill them both so they could be together forever

She was under the delusion that she and him were in a relationship and was upset that he was married to me

She wanted both of them to die to get him away from me

A crazy sasaeng

Getting that call from the cops was the single most terrifying thing to ever happen to me

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and it didn't feel real

I don't remember much from that phone call

I remember screaming and crying, driving like a mad man to the hospital, demanding to see him when I was in the ER

The guys were already there and they brought me to their waiting room where they explained what happened

And I fucking lost it

I remember the complete and total fear that he was going to die

The white hot rage at this bitch

The screaming, the hysterical crying, Hobi and Namjoon trying to calm me down

Then came the numbness

The waiting

And the utter relief when I was told he was alive

He made it but there would be complications

It didn't matter because he was alive and I was going to help him anyway I could

The second worst thing to happen was him waking up and not recognizing me

He couldn't talk but he refused to look at me

He kept his eyes closed, shaking his head over and over

It wasn't just me he did it to, doing the same thing when the guys came to see him

The pain from hearing the doctors tell me he lost his memories a few weeks after he woke up was immense

All that time I didn't know what was happening with him, why he wouldn't look at me when I was with him or acknowledge I was there

Finally finding out the reason for all that was a good thing but it still was devastating

This cunt has no idea what she did to him

I want to strangle her

She doesn't even look fazed when I came in and saw her sitting here

She was talking to her laywer and smiling like everything was good

My hatred is burning and I don't hear anything else going on

I've been here since the morning, so many delays happening that pushed the time well into the afternoon

Yoongi's parents are talking right now and I'm next

Then Namjoon, representing BTS

After ten more minutes, the judge thanks his parents and they sit down

"Min, Joanne", the judge calls

I take a breath, standing up, holding the paper with what I'm going to say

I had to write it down because if I just spoke from my heart, I know I'll break down

I also know I'll curse this cunt out

Getting to the podium, I put the paper on the flat desk part and take a breath

"I'm Min, Joanne, Yoongi's wife. I'm here to let the jury, the judge, the defendant, the world know what has happened to Yoongi"

I pause, my hands shaking a little

"This woman has turned Yoongi's life upside down. With that one idiotic decision to crash into his car she took everything away from him. His career, his life, everything"

I turn to the woman, seeing her glare at me in hate

I push my rage down to do this

"Because of you, Yoongi can't speak well. He had to learn how to speak again. He had to learn to walk again. His hands constantly shake and he can't stop it. He lost his memories of his whole life, leaving him not knowing who he is, who the people he loves and who love him are"

I fist my hands to keep them from shaking as tears begin to fall

Just remembering how he's suffering kills me

"You took his career away forever. He can't rap. He can't dance. He can't play any instruments. He can't create melodies, songs, anything that he used to do for BTS. The things he loved to do. The things that made him him. You took music away from him for your stupid selfish reasons"

She just sits there still glaring, my words having no effect on her

"Yoongi needs physical therapy every day to help him walk, to strengthen his hands, arms, fingers. He still has trouble walking. He refuses to speak because he can't speak as fast as he thinks, he slurs words, stammers and speaks in incomplete sentences. That makes him depressed and frustrated on top of everything else he feels"

I continue, "Yoongi has been in the rehab facility for almost a year. It took him almost a month to wake up from the initial accident because he was in a coma. Yoongi can't come home, can't be in a place that is familiar to him, a place that could help with his memory because he is not well enough to go home"

I feel the anger rising inside me as this bitch rolls her eyes at my words

And I'm done

"You have some fucking nerve sitting there, glaring at me, rolling your fucking eyes, while I tell you how you ruined his life, how he's suffered because of you. You're going to prison and I hope you never get out. Because if you do you better watch your fucking back", I snarl

"Mrs. Min, please", the judge says

I hear him but I don't care

I hate this woman even more with how she reacted to Yoongi's condition

She supposedly loves him so much but she acts like she doesn't care about him

"Fuck you", I snap at her, then grab my paper and leave the podium

I don't stop walking, storming out of the court room, not waiting to hear what anyone has to say

I need to get out of there or I will lose it

I'll lunge towards her and choke her out, kill her and then they'll be no one to take care of Yoongi

That can't happen

I need to be there for him

Taking out my phone, I text Namjoon that I'm leaving

Looking at the time, I figure I can make it home in time for my online class

I'm taking classes to be Yoongi's home attendant so I could bring him home

I can't take him without a certificate so I've been working on it since the accident

I'll be done in two more months then he can come home with me

If he wants to

Sighing, I head to my car, wiping my eyes, wishing I was going to see Yoongi.

---------------------------

"Hi naekkeo", I greet him as I walk into his room on Saturday

To my surprise, he turns his head to me, looking at me as I get closer to him

I give him a soft smile, bending down and kissing his cheek

As I take my coat off, he turns back to the tv

Well at least he looked

It's all I can ask for

Sitting next to him, I take his hand and start on the whole speech

I like to do it right away so it's not looming over the visit

Best to get it out of the way

"Your name is Min, Yoongi"

I steadily go through everything about him before moving on to me and our life

"I-", I start

"Yyyy....you...r....Jo", he struggles to say, my heart pounding at the speed of light hearing his voice

He turns his head and faces me full on

In his eyes I see recognition and I'm floored

He remembers me?

"My www-iiii-ffffee"

He slowly lifts his hand and touches his wedding ring on the necklace I'm wearing

They gave it to me at the hospital and I didn't feel right forcing him to wear it when he didn't remember me so I put it on a chain and wear it until he wants it back

Whenever that would be

"You. Lov. Me."

I nod, tears that I can't hold back, pouring down my face

He's talking

Oh my god, I didn't realize how much I missed his voice

"And I....I....I....love you"

I nod, so happy that he remembers the things I've been telling him

That he was hearing me and understanding

"I. Am. You. You. You", he struggles, stopping for a second to breathe in a few times, speaking slowly, "Everything. You Sun. Moon. Stars. Heart. Naekkeo"

"Yes baby you are", I answer, gently touching his cheek

This time he moves his face into my hand, his hand holding on to my wrist

I'm so happy he's better today

For him, not for me

I hope once everything physically gets better, his depression will get better

He'll be better

"You do anything. For. Me", he gets out

I nod, wiping my eyes, "Always Yoongi. Always"

He lets go of my wrist, his arms struggling to move around me

I help him, moving closer and moving his arms around my body

He pulls me to him and hugs me surprisingly tightly

And I just melt in his arms, the feeling of finally holding him such a powerful feeling

Like I'm home

"I. love...you Jo", he says softly and that does it

I break down, sobbing, burying my face in his neck

I just need a few minutes

I've been barely holding it together every time I'm with him but now, hearing him say he loves me, fills me with pure joy

"D. D. Don't cry. Jagi", he says, effectively making me cry harder, hearing him say the nickname he always called me

"I love. You. So...so..so much", he tells me

"I love you more than anything Yoongi. So much"

He has no idea how deep my love for him is

Words can't describe it

He is my life, my universe, my absolute everything

After a few minutes, I calm down, stop crying and am able to move back to face him

He gives me his gummy smile that I haven't seen in months

It's like I'm seeing it for the first time and I'm just in awe of how beautiful he is

"Do you remember?", I ask

"A ..a ..little bit", he answers, "I...I...I. miss yyyy..you. Yesterday."

"I'm sorry naekkeo. I missed you too. I didn't want to be away from you", I say gently

"I. Know. I remember...what you say. You go go go tttt.... to uh...court"

I nod, glad he does remember

Glad that he doesn't think I just didn't want to come

That would never be the case

"When I miss. You. I rrrrr....remember more", he gets out, "First kiss. Wedding. You support me. In everything."

"You remember those things?", I whisper, tears welling in my eyes but a smile on my face

"Yes. I. Don't. Remember everything", he says, softly touching my cheek, his hand trembling

I hold on to his wrist, turning my head, kissing his palm

"But I know you. I love you", he finishes, "My. Jagi. My world"

I just smile, a few tears falling

"I love you Yoongi. Always. Forever"

He nods once, "Forever"

I feel so much happiness, so much relief and so much hope that this will be the start of him getting better

His hand moves down my face, his fingers softly trailing along my skin, trembling slightly

I close my eyes, his fingers feeling so good and heating every nerve

I missed his touch so much

Just to even hold his hand, I want it so much

His fingers touch his wedding ring around my neck

"Can. Can I. Wear it?", he asks

"Of course naekkeo", I answer, smiling as I raise my arms to take the necklace off

Unclasping the chain, I take his ring off and hold it out to him

He takes it and I watch him struggle to move his hand to his other, frustration on his face

I move my hand around his, steadying his and guiding it to his other

I hold his other hand too, straightening his fingers for him

He winces, making me panic, "I'm sorry"

"It oo.oo... ok. Hurts a. Little"

Ok we have to make this quick

I don't want him to hurt more

I get his fingers of his other hand to hold the ring then help him slide it back on his left ring finger

"There naekkeo", I say, letting go of his hands

He brings his hand up, looking at the ring, a soft smile on his face

"We. Mmm...married"

I reach up, running my fingers in his hair, "Yeah baby. We're married. I love you"

"I love. You"

He reaches out for my hand and I immediately take his, gently intertwining our fingers

"Jo. Can. Can I come. Come. Come. Home?", he asks, "Why. I here?"

I might as well tell him

"Yoongi you have a lot of.... complications from the accident"

He nods, "Yes"

"And it will be hard for you to be home without a nurse or a qualified caregiver"

"I need nurse?"

I nod, "Yes naekkeo. And I'm not one so they won't let me take you. Here they have nurses and doctors right outside your room"

His face falls, "So I stay? Not go home?"

I squeeze his hand reassuringly, "Just for two more months"

"Two. Months? Why?"

"In two months I graduate from school so I can be your caregiver. I've taken all the classes for it and I finish in two months. Then I can take you home"

A smile forms on his face and it's stunning

"Ok jagi. I wait. Two. Months", he says, "Then I stay. With...with...with you?"

I nod, smiling, "Then you stay with me. At home"

"Ok"

We sit in silence for a few seconds but this time I'm not anxious or ready to burst into tears

This time I'm happy and hopeful