#if we're in bed a lot on our own don't be offended

[idiotwithanipad]

I'm suffering again so here's a bunch of things to never say to someone with HS (Hidradenitis Suppurativa)

・It can't be that bad

・Can't you just pop it?

・Can't you just ignore it?

・We've all had a boil, get over it

・'Hey, Y/n, I've got a headache, would you mind doing *insert very physical task*'

・You should use *insert soap brand that you've tried countless times only for it to fuck up your sores more*

・You've been in bed all week, get up

・It's about the size of a grape, I've had a rash bigger than that

・You're always wearing long sleeves. What are you afraid of?

・So is it contagious?

・Is that an STD?

・Can you stop fidgeting?

・You've taken too many sick days already

・If you don't wanna see us just say so

・The doctors can help (fyi, when I got my diagnosis the doctor couldn't even pronounce it or spell it, they had to google it... So?...)

[noblehouseofgay]

Popular

Part 3 of Noble's Wicked Series

Reg, Dorcas, and Barty friendship

Silly fluff

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Regulus dug through his drawers, tossing clothes to the side, deciding they weren't good enough.

"Do you want help, Reg?" Cas sat on Regulus' bed, with Barty sitting at her feet.

"No." He snapped back.

Barty smirked. "That sounded a lot like a 'yes please I'm desperate.'"

Dorcas stood up, walking over to the shorter boy. "You know we're friends, Reg. And that means we're helping you, even if you don't want it."

"I don't want it."

"I know. That's what makes us good friends." She winked, smiling as she looked through the clothes he'd tossed aside.

Barty hops up, joining Cas in her search. He begins scanning through accessories. "You know, Reggie. We really are great friends, you're quite lucky. We see someone less fortunate and decide we just have to help."

"Die."

"Aww, don't be like that Reggie. You need a makeover for your date."

"And we know exactly what you need."

Barty snorted. "Even for you, the toughest case we could possibly face. We'll succeed, Reggie."

Dorcas held a shirt up to Regulus. "You'll be popular." Barty came up behind, fluffing Regulus' hair.

"We'll teach you the proper ploys, when you talk to boys-" he fake coughed, "Potter-"

Dorcas laughed and Regulus glared, throwing a shoe at the green haired boy. Barty cackled as he dodged it.

Dorcas lightly messed with Regulus' hair. "We'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair, everything that really counts to be popular. So let's start, because we've got an awfully long way to go."

"Don't be offended by our frank analysis," Barty poked his fingers at Regulus' cheeks, pushing his face into a smile, "think of it as personality dialysis! Now that we've chosen to become a pal!"

"A sister!"

"And adviser!"

"There's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to popular."

"We know about popular."

Dorcas dramatically tosses a jacket over Regulus' shoulders. "And with an assist from us to be who you'll be, instead of dreaming who you were-"

Barty interjects, "well, are-" earning him an elbow to the ribs from Regulus. Barty just laughed and started dusting Regulus' cheeks with makeup.

"There's nothing that can stop you from becoming popular!"

Barty hops onto the bed. "When we see depressing creatures," gesturing to Regulus' ever prominent frown, "with unprepossessing features. I remind them on their own behalf to think of-"

"Celebrated heads state!" Dorcas chimed in.

"Or especially great communicators!"

"Did they have brains or knowledge?" Barty smirked, quickly turning it into a cackle. "Don't make me laugh. They were-"

"Popular?" Regulus deadpanned.

Barty slammed his hands on the dresser, eyes filled with fire. "Right!!" He had a wicked grin on his face, grabbing Regulus' hand and twirling him. "It's all about popular!"

Dorcas and Barty stepped back, looking at Regulus.

"He's finished."

"We've done it again, Cas."

Regulus did look amazing, truly. He looked like himself with just some extra flare, something to stand out.

"Potter will drop dead!" Cas exclaimed.

"We can hope-" Barty snorted.

Regulus sighed. "Fine, yes, we're done now, thank you. I have to go, I'll be late." He gave them a nod and slipped out the door.

Dorcas dramatically sighed, leaning against the bedframe. "And although he protests, his disinterest...I know clandestinely..."

Barty smiled. "He's gonna grin and bear it! His newfound popularity!" He laughed like a hyena, jumping onto the bed and pulling Cas up with.

They laughed, dancing together before collapsing onto the bed.

"He'll be popular, just not quite as popular as us!"

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Hello, Goodbye (7x13)

After the high of the last few weeks of so much Lord John, I was bracing myself to be a little less invested in this week's installment. But it was another really strong showing!

Cons:

I used to harp on this a lot back in the old days and then it seemed pointless to keep bringing it up, but I should mention here once again that Sophie Skelton is the weak link acting-wise on this show. There's this moment when she's all offended at the sexist police implying that she might have been having an affair with Rob Cameron, but Skelton's acting is so weird in the scene that it actually seems like Brianna is lying about that? I don't know. It's unfortunate that she's not as strong a performer, so when the dialogue isn't stellar she can't carry it off like most of the others. Also, why doesn't Brianna at least tell them that Roger wants to steal money from them? Why hide that? I understand she can't tell the cops about hidden gold and time travel, but not providing any reason for Rob to kidnap her kid just made her look guilty as hell.

I really liked the stuff with Roger and his dad, it was genuinely moving. But I do wish that the end of this episode's moment of realization had been framed a little different. Here, it's presented like the idea that Jem isn't here in this time is something Roger is just now realizing. Even though surely he would have had suspicions about this from the second he realized that his father was here in the 1730s. I wish it had been framed more as "I've been thinking it for a while now but I was in denial..." rather than it being a new idea just occurring to Roger. Especially since we the audience know that Jem is in the 20th century already, so there's no bite to it.

This isn't a flaw of the episode per se, but now that we're at Ian and Rachel wedding time, I'm missing Dottie. She's such a fun character, and I like the Dottie and Denzel stuff a lot in the books. I'm sad it seems that it's not making the cut, here.

Pros:

Like I said, though, I did really like the stuff with Roger meeting his father Jeremiah! It's always fun when one of our core time-traveling family comes across someone who's new to the idea, because it injects this fresh sense of: yeah, this is fucking nuts, isn't it! And Roger offering him a truth: "we win the war, because of men like you," was so sweet. It's a real tragedy, having Roger send his father back through the stones, when we know Roger grew up without his dad. Clearly, Jeremiah didn't survive the trip back, or at least he didn't make it back to his wife and new child. So bittersweet, that Roger got to have this short window of time to speak to him, and his father didn't even know he was speaking to his own son! Oof. Beautifully performed by the actors, my heartstrings were really tugged.

Then, back in our main timeline of the three that appear in this episode: we get a brief check-in with John, who stumbles upon some continentals and pretends to have escaped from royalists... that's going to lead to some fun stuff in next week's episode, I know it, but for now it's just a brief check-in with my fave.

John does get mentioned a few other times, once when Denzel tells Jamie that he helped him to escape from being hanged. It's so funny to watch Jamie figure out how to feel about the news that he almost got John killed, like, he's still too pissed off to be fully in friendship mode but also by now he's probably feeling pretty bad about the way he behaved, even if the anger is still there. It's deliciously complex. Also, it's absolutely hilarious and deranged that Jamie and Claire are staying together in Claire's room in John's house, like, having a scene of the two of them sitting up before going to sleep, when the last time we saw Claire in that bed, John was the one lying where Jamie is lying now? Like? What the hell. That is not a thing that happens in the books, I'm almost sure. And Claire is all "you're thinking about John?" as an opening to that conversation... look, the three of you should all just kiss until your problems go away. This is getting ridiculous. In the best way.

While I've been a flip-flopper about Ian and Rachel, I actually thought their Quaker wedding and their wedding night were really wonderful! One of the hottest, sweetest sex scenes this show has ever done, in my opinion? Like, Jamie and Claire have good sex scenes, the actors definitely have chemistry, but we also have a pretty similar dynamic for a lot of those sex scenes, we understand the rhythm of their physical relationship pretty well after seven seasons of doing this. Having the sweet, slow first time with Ian and Rachel was just so lovely, and I thought both actors did an amazing job with the performance!

And I liked digging into Denzel and Rachel's relationship as brother and sister, their complicated feelings about being put out of meeting in order to follow their principles, and Rachel now marrying a man who has killed and might have to kill again. We see Jamie looking very dashing in his general's uniform as he prepares to join the war effort once again - Claire seems to like the way he looks in it, but we know that she and Rachel will always worry, watching their men go off to fight. Claire points out to Jamie that the men aren't dragging their women into anything, though. They are going to where they belong, which is by the sides of their husbands.

So, yeah! I think next week we're going to get more of Lord John and now that I've been so thoroughly spoiled by the past few episodes, I can only demand more. But even with the focus finally turning elsewhere, I liked this episode quite a lot. Brianna's plot thread being a weak spot, at least we've got Jem back with his mom and we're moving the story forward!

7.5/10

[inhuman-obey-me]

Congrats for 2.7k followers!! You guys are the best in writing, I always come back and reread a LOTT from your master list! For the request, can I have "🖤 - You fell in love with the evil that you bare" with Levi?? Don't care if mc is included-- I wish y'all a great day and take caree ^v^

This is like 8 months late and we're so so sorry for the very long wait!! But thank you so much for the sweet words -- that really means a lot and we're so happy people still enjoy our writing!! ; /// ; ❤️

"You fell in love with the evil that you bare." - Leviathan

“I never wanted to come to this awful place to begin with!”

Leviathan’s eyes open with a start, his heart racing and breath shallow. Slowly, his surroundings come into focus – the soft blue glow highlighting the rim of the bathtub he was nestled in, the dim light flowing through his jellyfish fixtures, the posters and figures on the wall and shelves in view. He was in his room, in the present day – not in the past, like in his dream. With a sigh, he heaves himself up and folds himself over a side of his porcelain bed, watching Henry 2.0 swimming in the vast aquarium mere feet away. 

It had been ages since he had dreamt of the Great Celestial War or of their fall, which often were strange distortions of his own memory. Tonight it seemed his subconscious decided to remind him of a time soon after their fall, a time where Leviathan was full of anguish and despair at becoming a demon – the very beings he had before fought so valiantly against, had led the entire Celestial Army to defeat until a truce of peace had been declared. His life up until that point he had had the hatred for demons so firmly instilled in him, and even with movements towards tolerance and his own rebellion against the Celestial Realm’s ways, centuries of hate could not be so easily unlearned. 

Avatar of Envy, he soon was titled. Strange to think that the envy had rooted its way in his heart even before the war. With peace declared, he had lost his purpose – what was a General to do if there was no point in preparing troops for battle? No strategies to devise? He was rendered useless, his position defunct. How he envied the others who still seemed to have some purpose, some worth – no one ever said he might as well be gone, but why would they? It was clear as the bright celestial sky. 

But then he was asked to join Lucifer in his battle against the Celestial Realm, against their Father. And he joined, because he too had realized the unfairness of it all, not just of the punishment dealt to their sister who had just acted on love but to all the other strange cracks that their Father tried to hide or excuse. So he joined, because it was the right thing to do and oh he could be useful again! 

And then they failed. 

He failed.

As he fell, as white wings and halo were traded for a serpentine tail and branching horns and scales, he felt that envy burn brightly. It consumed him, it enraged him, it sickened him. The ugliest parts of him now spilled from him and oh how he hated it! Hated what he had become with every fiber of his being – and so he hid himself away, fearing to even look in the mirror and see eyes of raging envy look back at him. 

But then, ever-so-slowly, Leviathan acclimated to his new demonic nature. To be named an Avatar was one of great pride and importance in the Devildom, the very manifestation of the sin. It was who he was, and he even was named the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy (though he questioned the need with established peace). He would act on his temptations, on selfishness, on more violent and cruel impulses that would have shocked his former self. He began to find joy in raking his claws through an offending demon, joy in absorbing himself utterly and completely in his passions, joy in his power. 

There was a strange freedom to it all, one he was not afforded in the Celestial Realm. A freedom that had been for so long seen as evil by those more sanctimonious. 

Leviathan was by one of his shelves now, his hands having found one of his novels that he now absentmindedly flipped through, thumb brushing the edges of pages until it caught on one. He glanced down at the page, and he caught sight of a line: “You fell in love with the evil that you bare.” 

Had he fallen in love with it? Or had he merely accepted it, and had found his moments of exhilaration through it all? The freedom, that embodiment of sin that was his to claim. 

He placed the book back, dropping into his chair to boot his latest game up. A wry, hopeless smirk crossed his lips as he watched the 2d demon slayer dance across the screen.

What did it matter? It was pointless to think too long on the question, because the answer wouldn’t change a thing.

He let himself fade into another world once more.

[littlest-w01f]

Slumber Party

Feyre x Evelyn (my oc, Tamlin's sister) [Feylin ship]

For @feyreweekofficial

Feyre week 2024 Masterlist

Day 7: Free day

Summary: Feyre having a first proper sleepover with Evelyn

Cw: Fluff, slightly sad, Friends yelling at each other about their choices to make bargains

Feyre couldn't believe it, in a year she had settled in the Spring court so easily, she had Evelyn to thank for it, bubbly Evelyn who always made sure to not make her feel excluded. Evelyn and Feyre had formed a sister-like friendship soon after Feyre had arrived to live in spring.

"So, have you ever had a sleepover?" Evelyn had asked her, her eyes wide, popping a berry in her mouth. The two of them were on a picnic, eating different forms of berries.

Feyre looked at her confused, chewing her own fruit, seated in Evelyn's garden, "Well, don't we every night? We live in the same palace..."

"Oh, you did not just say that," Evelyn looked at her almost offended, "No... That's not a sleepover."

She smiled softly, "A sleepover is another step of friendship, we do each other's hair, and nails, we talk about males, we twirl around in pretty dresses or just stay in our nightgowns." Evelyn smiled brighter, "And we also kick the males out and sleep in the same bed." Evelyn turned to face Tamlin and Lucien, who were a little further away from them when she stated it.

"That sounds fun." Feyre smiled back. "And we have snacks...?"

"Of course, we have snacks, Feyre!" Evelyn gasped, playfully enraged they wouldn't be. "A sleepover is nothing without snacks that people can't finish and they have to be packed away."

Feyre looked over her shoulder to Tamlin and Lucien, "Well I could do without those two for a while." Making them send a wave of talking over each other, pissed at the two females making a joke on their behalf.

"You can paint me," Evelyn wiggled her eyebrows, ignoring her brother and their friend.

Feyre and Evelyn were soon alone in the mansion, Evelyn sprawled over a couch with Feyre standing on the opposite ends, with her canvas and paint. Feyre's brows were furrowed in concentration as she moved the brush flawlessly across the canvas.

"So...?" Evelyn had a teasing tone, "How is being a High Fae?"

Feyre smiled, looking up from her work, "I... I can see colours so much clearer, it's amazing."

"We're just better." Evelyn gave a cocky grin, the grin that matched Tamlin's almost identically.

"You are gorgeous," Feyre breathed with a soft blush, if Feyre had thought the Spring Court Fae were pretty before with their masks, Evelyn was painfully gorgeous, especially by human standards. Evelyn was a mix of soft and sharp features, something Feyre felt she could not put on paper. There was something in her emerald eyes that swirled differently than some other Fae she had seen, well, she had also seen only a handful of Fae as close as she had seen her.

"Should've chosen me over Tam, Feyre." Evelyn gave a wink, chuckling slightly. "You're gorgeous too."

Feyre was a lot fuller now, especially after Under the Mountain, she and Tamlin had managed to figure out how to make her feel better and manage being High Fae, she was a lot more powerful, just as much powerful as the heir of High Lords.

It was quite after that, Evelyn posing for Feyre as she painted, a little pain splattering on her hands. Alis had come in, setting their finger foods down on the small dining table in the room, Evelyn had asked Alis to stay with them but she had smiled and said he would be with her nephews, taking them out for dinner in a new place that had been fixed up.

"Could... Could you not include this?" Evelyn whispered, motioning to the black ink band around her ring finger on her left hand, and a tattoo of stars and swirls flowing up.

Feyre smiled a little sadly, looking at the tattoos "What does it signify?" She had never asked, seeing how Evelyn was uncomfortable with it, as Tamlin had told her, telling her it was Evelyn's story to tell. "If you are feeling up to telling me."

"Well, we do have deep conversations during sleepovers," Evelyn smiled softly, "It's a bargain I made with Rhysand." She didn't talk of the band but the rest of the ink. "I... I made it so that Rhysand would look after you... Keep you... Alive."

"What...?" Feyre set down her brush at that, walking to sit next to her, "That's why he was... Did he ever...?"

"No." Evelyn cut in, "No he never actually hurt me, even if we did piss each other off a lot."

"What did you give away?" Feyre asked, her hand holding Evelyn's tattooed one, stroking the swirls.

Evelyn smiled slightly, letting Feyre feel the magic of the bargain, "A week every month, for my entire life. I have to stay with him."

"But it's been months since then." Feyre looked slightly hopeful, "Maybe he forgot."

Evelyn smiled, moving to sit closer to Feyre, "That's just wishful thinking, the Night Court is rather... Firm... about their bargains."

Feyre looked melancholy, "Well, this got upsetting quickly."

"Ok." Evelyn shrugged, a smile forming on her face again, she picked up the pillow she was leaning against and smacked Feyre in the head with it.

Feyre's eyes widened, "Oh no you didn't!" She picked up her own pillow before swinging at her.

"Oh yes I did!" Evelyn dodged her hit. Swinging again as she got up, Feyre followed her, trying to get a hit on each other.

Feyre landed a hit, making Evelyn stumble slightly against the wall, "How could you give yourself up for me!" Feyre held the pillow against Evelyn's neck as if it were a weapon.

"Because it's you!" Evelyn yelled before hitting Feyre across the face with her pillow, "Because you gave yourself up for my brother! For me! For Lucien! For all of my people!"

"Stop yelling!" Feyre yelled back, glaring, holding her pillow like a sword.

"No!" Evelyn glared back but didn't yell anymore. "You were willing to die for my brother, and you did die. Of course I would do anything to protect you. Even if it is making a deal with Death itself."

Feyre paused, "You did it all for me?"

"Of course I did." Evelyn set down the pillow in her hands, "And I would do it again."

Feyre smirked when she put her pillow away, choosing to strike her again hard enough to make feathers fly out of it, "And I would always help our people!"

"Oh, are we screaming again!?" Evelyn glared, throwing the pillows on the couch at her. "You don't get to be the only person who scrifies something for people."

"Well, you're too gorgeous to end up dead over me!" Feyre yelled and Evelyn was surprised at the splash of dark green paint that now covered her face.

"There!" Feyre smiled, rubbing the paint in Evelyn's hair, "Now I can capture you in paint!"

Evelyn squealed as she heard Feyre mumble "Stupid gorgeous Fae" running to the paint table and throwing the bowl of pink paint.

"Shut the fuck up Feyre." Evelyn watched the pink paint run down Feyre's face, "You're gorgeous too!"

The two run in circles, hitting each other with pillows and paints, yelling aggressive compliments at each other. They end up falling on the floor of paint and feathers, giggling. Evelyn uses her magic to clean both of them.

"Is this what a sleepover is like?" Feyre asked, breathless.

Evelyn shook her head, "I don't know, It's my first too. But I liked it."

The two smile, looking at each other and the mess they had made.

"We left you guys alone for 4 hours!"

"GET LOST!"

{General taglist: @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria}

[lailyn]

MTH 2022 Auction Fill

@marveltrumpshate auction fill for @arabesqueangel

A Face In The Crowd (Chapter 1/3)

Summary:

Embarking on missions to track down errant Loki Variants is a dangerous endeavour, one that has landed Loki in the care of Doctor Strange, TVA's very own medical expert, time and time again.

To say that their engagement got off to a rocky start would be an understatement.

"I don’t want you getting any ideas. The infirmary is just as secure as anywhere else here at the TVA."

"Just what do you think I'm going to do, Mobius?" Loki asked in exasperation. “Please, give me ideas. I don’t have near enough in my head already.”

"Loki, I mean it. Don't get on his nerves. He can make your life very easy, or very difficult," Mobius warned. "Both our lives, actually."

"What absolutely unnecessary advice," Loki said. "When am I ever not on my best behaviour?"

"You really want me to answer that?" Mobius deadpanned. 

"Yes," Loki crossed his arms petulantly. "In writing."

Mobius shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"If this guy is so unpleasant, why are we going to him in the first place?"

“You gotta ask?” Mobius pointed at Loki's blood-soaked sleeve. "You're bleeding all over the floor. And that is a brand-new jacket."

"If I had my magic, this would have healed ages ago," Loki huffed, fingering the cut gingerly.

"But you don't have your magic, do you?” Mobius challenged. “Besides, Vincent’s real pedantic about seeing the new Variants and giving them the all clear before sending them out into the field."

"Why bother?" Loki muttered. “You’re going to do away with us all in the end.”

"It's standard procedure. I can't have you drop dead from an undiagnosed heart condition or something and jeopardise the mission." 

Loki's nose crinkled. "Have I ever done that before?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Mobius said. “Once or twice.”

"You can't be serious."

"It's the truth. I remember one time, it was smallpox that did you in." Mobius shuddered at the memory. "It really wasn't pretty."

“Oh dear, oh dear.”

______________________________________________

“Agent Mobius! What have you brought for me today?" 

A tall man dressed in a white coat waltzed through the sterile orange doors. There was no mistaking the glee in his steps. "You caught a rather big fish, I hear." 

"News travels fast," Mobius said dryly. "Vincent, meet Loki. Loki, meet Vincent Strange."

The man with the frosty eyes smiled. His striking good looks made him appear even more aloof. "Doctor Vincent Strange. For now. Haven't had the chance to get acquainted with each other, have we?"

Mobius snorted. "Somehow I can see that happening in no time. He's a bit clumsy, this one."

"Perfect," Vincent purred, flashing his perfect teeth in a grin as wide as it was false. "My favourite kind of variant."

"Let's see what we have, shall we?” Vincent patted the stool next to him. "Sit yourself down right here."

Loki reluctantly did as he was told. 

"Take your jacket off," Vincent ordered.

No sooner had Loki shrugged the offending garment off than the doctor started poking and prodding at the oozing cut on his forearm. "Now that is a beautiful wound. Clean edges, satisfyingly deep…and my, my, I haven't had a wound bed this pristine in a while. Did you inflict this on yourself?"

Loki wrenched his arm away. “Is this man for real?”

A strong hand snaked around Loki’s wrist and tugged it back down hard. “I didn’t say I was done with you, sweetheart.”

“Sweet - oh for the love of - Mobius, just kill me,” Loki begged.

“That’s what you always say,” Vincent sighed. “Still you lot refuse to die the most.”

“Strange,” Mobius warned.

"Oh, we're not talking about that, are we?" The man's eyebrows shot up to meet his hairline. "When is this one from? Fresh from the fall?"

"A bit further down the timeline, but he's still a little raw."

"I'm sure your stint at the TVA will toughen you up in no time."

“I’m simply dying with anticipation,” Loki said, voice dripping with acid. 

Mobius clucked his tongue. “Yeah, he’s a bit mouthy, this one.”

“Aren’t they all? Except for the last Loki you brought me. Now she was all mouth...literally.” Vincent chuckled at what Loki suspected was an inside joke, judging by the way Mobius allowed himself a faint smile.

“Oh, but this one - he had his muzzle on for quite some time too.” Vincent held Loki's chin in a pincer grip and turned his patient’s head from side to side. “I can see the marks.”

“Just long enough for us to collar him. Didn’t see the point of putting it back on,” Mobius explained. “We kinda needed him to talk.”

"You're my favourite analyst, you know that?" Vincent said. "You handle your assets beautifully."

"Can't let the goods get too damaged," Mobius said modestly.

"Of course, of course. But these Lokis, they’re ten a penny these days." Vincent's piercing gaze roamed Loki's face in naked fascination. "How long are you going to last, I wonder?"

"I hope that's a rhetorical question, Strange," Mobius said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. "You know that's above my pay grade."

Vincent tsk-tsked. “What’s taking you so long, Mobius? You need to climb up that ladder and climb it fast while you’ve still got Renslayer wrapped around your little finger.”

Mobius turned red. “I don’t - she and I - we’re not like that.”

"It's alright, Mobius,” Vincent interrupted him mid-sputter. “I can handle it from here."

"Are you sure?" Mobius asked sceptically. "Protocol says - "

"He doesn't pose any real danger," Vincent said mildly. "Look at him. He's harmless."

If the remark was meant to invoke a rise out of Loki, it fell short of the mark. To his credit, the former second prince of Asgard weathered the scrutiny with a poise that almost made Mobius proud. 

"Yes, Mobius. No harm will come to the good doctor," Loki promised. "Not today." 

"Did you hear that, Agent Mobius?" Vincent asked. "Best attend to your business and leave me to mine."

Mobius doubted it was the smartest thing to do, leaving the two men to their own devices, but what choice did he have? "I won't be long."

"Isn't that up to Judge Renslayer to decide?" Vincent asked impishly. "Tell her I will have the report on L1130 on her desk by the end of the day. And I will have to report you too for using the merchandise before proper inspection."

"Tell her yourself, jerk."

As soon as Mobius left, Vincent's wolfish smile sharpened. "He likes me. He just doesn't show it." 

Loki remained mute. 

"He likes you, that's for sure. I wonder why." Vincent tilted his head quizzically. "Why are you special? Why didn't they prune you?"

"Am I to answer any of those questions?" Loki asked politely.

"Oh, please don't. I was talking to myself and I don't like interruptions."

"My apologies."

"But it is indeed a curious thing. Do excuse me for saying this, but you're super ordinary," Vincent said critically. "Relatively speaking, of course."

"Met many Lokis, have you?" 

"I'm not complaining. You're easier to fix than most variants that pass through these doors,” Vincent said. “Your pieces are still in one piece. Mostly.”

True to his words, Vincent spent the next few minutes diligently cleaning the wound and suturing it with a deftness that bespoke decades of experience. He asked no questions about whom or what had inflicted the wound; it was clearly of no import to him.

The orchestral music in the background had died down, giving way to the dramatic tremolos of a familiar, haunting tune. A baritone soared and swelled above the trickling piano, rich and full. 

It was beautiful. Loki hated everything about it. How Vincent could hear anything through his stethoscope with all the noise was anyone's guess.

Loki tried to distract himself by focusing on his breathing. The stainless steel diaphragm burned like a thousand insects crawling underneath his skin.

But the song…the more time they spent not talking, the louder it became.

"Why do you listen to this drivel?" Loki asked, when he could stand the cacophony no longer.

Vincent did not answer immediately.

"It relaxes me," he said, once he had finished listening to Loki's chest. "What's the matter? I thought you, of all people, would appreciate my choice in music."

"Why would you think that?"

"The night you blinded that poor man in Stuttgart. The orchestra was playing this very piece."

"I don't remember it," Loki said flatly.

"I didn't expect you to," the doctor said with a shrug. "Selective amnesia is quite prevalent among you Variants."

Vincent pulled off his gloves and shoved his hands into his lab coat pockets, but not before Loki caught sight of the fine scars running down the back of the long, tapered fingers. 

As disfigured as they were, there was no mistaking the grace in them. They were a pianist’s hands, that much Loki could tell. “Do you play?”

Silence ensued. 

“What happened to your hands?” Loki pressed. 

Still Vincent said nothing.

Emboldened by the lack of response from the suddenly reticent man, Loki leaned forward eagerly.

“You taunt me, yet you deny me conversation. So much for a warm welcome, Doctor.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise my hospitality has left something to be desired,” Vincent said sarcastically. “Would you like me to bring out some tea?”

“I wouldn't be opposed to that idea. Nor would I mind something a little more merry.” Loki made a face. “Schubert’s brilliant but his sonatas grew too despondent toward the end.”

“He died too young, left the world wanting for more."

"By contrast, live too long and you risk the world cursing your existence."

Either Loki’s relentless questions had angered him, or something in the song had triggered the doctor, as it did Loki. 

"Lucky for you the world has very poor memory,” Vincent said sharply. “History will forget you soon enough, Loki Laufeyson."

Loki lunged but Vincent was ready. One second, Loki had the doctor thrust against the wall, the very next, he was contorted on the floor, spasming in agony.

“I am Doctor Vincent Strange of the TVA.” 

Vincent towered over the writhing form. He retrieved his hand from his pocket and opened his fist, revealing the Time Twister in his grasp. “I am not your friend. I don't make small talk. And I certainly do not serve tea." 

He crouched down, studying the veins in Loki’s neck as they swelled, engorged from his prisoner’s vain effort to dislodge the time displacement collar. "You…are Der Leiermann.” 

“What?” 

“A sad, wretched man tinkering with his hurdy-gurdy at the very edge of the world, but no one wants to hear him. No one wants to look at him." 

Vincent bent to whisper in Loki’s ear. “Not even the dogs."

Tears blurred Loki's vision, hot and stinging.

Kill me. 

“Your life is in my hands. You are at my mercy. Do we understand each other?”

“Go to Hel,” Loki spat furiously.

Vincent's frozen demeanour cracked. A sad smile glimmered through, softening his features. "You poor thing.”

He thumbed the wetness dewing along Loki’s lashes and flicked the tears away. 

"Hell can't fit the both of us," he said gently. "And right now, you're in it."

Loki struggled against his invisible bonds but no matter how he roared and screamed and prayed, it went unheard. 

Schubert's Winterreise played on, sombre and never ending.

TBC

[kickasssloth666]

I'm trying to make some new friends :)) if anyone reads this and is interested please feel free to send me a message!

Hey there everyone!!

I'm not sure how to start describing myself, I'm not great with words but I'll try my best.

(I'm so sorry for the extremely long post ahead!)

I think some of my most defining characteristics are that I'm very shy, awkward, "weird" and "different" or at the very least I feel weird, different and often misunderstood.

I'm unfortunately not very smart, I'd say I'm down right stupid lol

I am very ignorant about many things in life, I'd say I'm somewhat innocent and naive. I still don't understand my purpose in life and I haven't found a reason to be alive either.

I sometimes say things that offend people or I say things that are wrong. Sometimes I don't completely understand what I do wrong but I don't do it on purpose and I try to improve to the best of my abilities.

I don't go out often at all. Whenever I do go out it's only to buy groceries and such but I don't enjoy it, I much rather be at home, in my room most specifically, which is my favorite place in the world.

I don't have any IRL friends but I do have a handful of online friends, I'm not particularly close to any of them tho.

I enjoy many things like sculpting for instance! I do digital sculpting for fun. I'm pretty bad at it but I try my best. There are many things I'd like to create and I hope to make those things a reality in the near future!

I like to watch anime! my favorites change from time to time but I really like Jujutsu Kaisen, My Hero Academia, Dragon Ball, Demon Slayer, Ancient Magus Bride (I really love this show!) among many others!

I like to collect action figures.

I really like masks!

I love movies and I love to talk about them and analyze them.

I like all kinds of music, I don't really have any artists that I like in particular other than David Bowie and Violent Vira but I'm always happy and open to new suggestions!

I like to scroll through TikTok and to watch long essay style videos on YouTube about random topics.

I love video games!! I don't play too many modern games, I mostly prefer older stuff, like, ps2 era games, particularly survival horror stuff. I also really like very old platform games and side scrollers but I'd be open to play anything and I'd love to try co op games since I never played anything online with anyone and it looks super fun and I'd love to try it!! playing Stardew Valley with a friend is a dream of mine lol (if you also play Stardew please tell me who's your wife/husband)

I adore animals!! I have cats and dogs and they're my babies and my world!

I think it's important to mention some of the things I don't like too.

I don't like cruelty or mean spirited people, I hate big companies, billionaires, politicians and other people in positions of power that use their money and power to affect people, animals, or the environment for their own gain.

I don't like injustices, I hate racists, homophobic people, transphobic people, sexists, and all kinds of discrimination in general.

I hate bugs!! I'm deadly afraid of them 😖

I really dislike conflict and arguments, I believe we can disagree and have discussions as long as we're calm and civilized about it and as long as we have respect for each other and try our best to understand the other person's point of view.

lastly I'd like to mention some of my defects and shortcomings.

I'm extremely anxious, I'm always very nervous about one thing or another, I'm also extremely weak of mind, I tend to react with my feelings a lot and I'm often very emotional.

I can be very selfish at times, I have an awful tendency to get bored of things quickly and sometimes I also get bored of conversations and people.

I think I'm immature.

I can be extremely lazy, I struggle a lot with doing basic things like cleaning or cooking. when I'm anxious or afraid I can get paralyzed with fear and stay in bed all day doing nothing feeling awful about it.

As I mentioned before sometimes I can say bad things without realizing. I'm very dumb and ignorant so I promise I don't mean anything bad I say and I'm trying to improve!

I am extremely annoying. I'm very loud and I think I scream a lot. I don't really understand what constitutes screaming exactly but I think I often raise my voice a lot and especially when I'm excited I can't control myself very well.

I'm very afraid of life and I don't understand how the "real world" works exactly. I'm really bad at small talk and I think I'm really bad at speaking in general, I also digress a lot.

I have the bad habit of not replying very fast, sometimes I'll even wait for weeks or even months, I think it's one of my biggest problems when it comes to keep in touch with people, sometimes it's simply because I don't have the energy, other times it's because I'm not sure about how to continue a conversation. Not sure if this is a defect necessarily but I also never send the first message, I just hate to be annoying.

I'm full of defects in general, and I do believe I'm a bad person. I try to improve and I try my best but if I'm bad for you in any way or a burden I promise to stop talking to you and not bother you!

I have many other defects but I think those are the main ones I can remember right now.

Finally what I'm looking for is a real connection with someone, a person I can talk to, have fun with, watch stuff with and play games together and such! just be able to share our days and even be able to help each other and be there when we need each other. I know I'm a mess of a human being and I may never find the connection I'm looking for but I'd like to give it a try cause you never know :)

I have Instagram, discord and twitter as social media if it's more comfortable to talk there. I also think I prefer audio messages, it's easier for me to send audio notes rather than to type cause I type a lot 😅 thank you very much to anyone that has taken the time to read my extremely long post and considers messaging me!!

[shadowbunnydragon]

To Russell, Sarah, Lily, Bailey, Walter: How was your first Christmas in the new world and with your new families for some?

Russel: "Before I came here, Christmas was kinda... tense... or even something with a lot of screaming... But Christmas with the Spitz's was awesome! I got to help set up the strings of lights around the outside of the house in the days leading up! There were gifts for me and my new foster brothers and sisters waiting for us under the tree! After opening them, we all went outside and made snow mammals. Erik and Roger and Jackson came over, and we all had a snowball fight! Mrs. Spitz made cookies and hot chocolate for everyone, and we all spent time with each other in the living room, a warm fire going in the fireplace! It was like something out of a dream... I never thought I could ever have a Christmas like that..."

Sarah: "Oh! Mommy and Daddy made me and Elijah and Elliot our own matching sweaters! Mommy made mine thicker though, 'cause she was worried I'd get colder 'cause I don't have fur. Then, on Christmas, me and my big brothers got to get up and see what Santa brought us! He got me a pretty pink princess castle with little dollies that go inside! Elijah got a cool toy tank that transforms into a robot with a sword! And Elliot loves his new paint supplies! I'm real glad that Santa could find me this year! Mama, my old mama from before, told me that Santa always got lost before getting to our house. And that's why I never got any presents on Christmas before." Happily plays with a bright pink castle while Mr. and Mrs. Otterton exchange a worried look behind her.

Lily: "It was just so lovely. Renato and I exchanged gifts, and even found ourselves under the mistletoe quite a few times... though I think that a certain sly feline was simply moving it when I wasn't looking... not that I mind. We stayed in bed... ahem... cuddling before finally heading out for a picnic out in this lovely oasis in Sahara Square that is actually right against the district border with Tundratown, and rather pleasantly cool, compared to the rest of the scorching desert. There, we FaceChatted with Renato's family, who couldn't make it out to Zootopia this year. We're thinking of making the Christmas picnic a fun little tradition for us, and bringing the rest of his family along next year!"

Baily: "Sophia invited me over to her family home for Christmas, and I got to enjoy a large home-cooked meal with her family. Keith really knows how to make a turkey! Leodore showed up late with Sophia's aunt, and got a bit... tipsy. He proceeded to offend a few of Sophia's family, before he started... sobbing and then left... only to pass out in the bushes right outside the front door... But aside from that, it was just the best Christmas I can ever remember!"

Walter: "Christmas is actually a pretty... lonely time of year for me normally. But this year... Jack kinda invited himself... and all his family over to my place... without telling me first. He did so when he found out about my plans to just spend the holiday alone... and then pretty much just broke in to let a swarm of hares inside to decorate and bring food and gifts. Granted, the Savages are all really nice and... definitely not cute. Nope, not at all. And apparently Jack invited Skye over and proceeded to set up mistletoe in strategic locations for her and him to 'casually' walk under. Overall... it was nice."

[abnormaldemigod]

Do I have an attachment??? (help)

Hi guys!!! I'm AbnormalDemigod!!!

A little about me...

Hi, I'm a 16-year-old girl in Alberta Canada. I love cats, Harry Potter, and true crime. I'm an introvert and want to be a fantasy writer later in life.

So, this is my VERY FIRST post and the reason I logged into Tumblr was to connect with people I'll probably never meet and to share my thoughts and stuff.

Anyway...I'm into paranormal ghost-hunting stuff, (if stuff like that makes you uncomfortable, pls don't read this, I don't want to offend anyone. ) Okay so...things have been happening. I first discovered paranormal stuff about two years ago, I thought it was really cool and it definitely wasn't something I had ever been exposed to before. The first time I really thought anything was strange was only a few months ago. I was asleep, it was early morning and I was kind of floating in and out of sleep. I could feel this weight on the side of my bed, almost like someone was sitting there and there was also this strong feminine presence. It wasn't threatening or anything like that, it was just there, almost like it was waiting for something. I don't know how long this went on, but eventually, I heard my mum coming down the hall to wake me up. Just like that the presence was gone but I was kind of annoyed because I'd wanted to sleep peacefully before my mum woke me up: like somewhere in my subconscious I'd registered that there was another person in the room with me. It wasn't until later in the day that I realized how weird that was and I freaked.

I talked to both my siblings and asked them if they'd been watching me sleep for some reason and they both said no. I knew it hadn't been my mum because she'd come into my room almost eminently after the presence left and it wasn't my dad because, as I said, this was a very feminine presence. After thinking it through I reasoned it was either a figment of my imagination or a ghost of some kind. I was hesitant about that theory though. Our house is new, we're the first people to own it and we live in a really quiet neighborhood. I couldn't come up with a logical explanation for a haunting. But when I was little, five or six, we lived in a different house. It was older, maybe fifty years and I have some very vivid, very weird memories of it. When I went to sleep at night, I'd hear these voices. Most of the time they were whispering but sometimes I'd hear my name. I didn't think much of it being only a little kid at the time.

I'd also have these nightmares, like really horrible ones. I was only a little kid and I'd never watched a scary movie in my life. The most vivid, the one I can actually recall a decent amount of memories from happened twice. Both times were identical and part of me knew that it was happening twice but I couldn't alter the dream. In the dream, I was in the basement of our house. It was unfinished with bare concrete walls and a dirty floor with a few lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling. More of a prison than a basement really. I was down there with my older brother, (I don't have an older brother so I don't know where my dream self got one from,) and we were playing together. Then, all of a sudden rats started appearing. Like, thousands of them. They came out of the walls, the ceiling, the floor. I screamed as they started biting my feet and my older brother lifted me up to keep me away from them but they started crawling up his legs and biting him too. We were running in circles yelling and more rats just kept on coming. That's all I can remember.

The second dream that really scared me, and the only time I couldn't wake myself up from a dream was about a year later. It was a dark room and there was a huge black cat with green eyes staring at me. It must have been about five feet tall. As a little kid, I often had dreams about cats growing to huge sizes and attacking me. A lot of the time I couldn't even scream. As the black cat came towards me I tried to run away. I knew I was asleep and I wanted to wake up but I couldn't. I remember it feeling like clawing my way through thick black fabric that was suffocating me.

We moved out of that house when I was seven and onto a small acreage. The dreams stopped and I mostly forgot about them. It's only in the last few months that I've started to wonder if there's a paranormal attachment hanging around from that house. After that presence on the edge of my bed not much else happened. Not until we went on a family holiday to a heritage town not far from my grandparent's place. The town consists of old refurbished buildings left over from the start of the 21st century. It was a mining town and after the gold rush ended it turned into a ghost town. Anyway, I and my sister were looking through some of the surviving houses. She was slightly ahead of me and entered first. I had just stepped through the doorway when she looked at me and said, "The door handle was just rattling,"

I couldn't believe it. I'd never had a paranormal phenomenon this clear before. Now, I'm not a very empathetic person. I can't sense what people are feeling very well which makes me a bit socially awkward. But my sister is really attuned to stuff like that. I asked her if she felt anything in the house. Was there a sad or happy feeling? Did she get chills? She wasn't sure, and to be honest she's not really comfortable with that kind of stuff so I didn't want to push her. Still, she did tell me that she couldn't help but think of the people who used to live here. How they're all dead now. She also told me was all she could think about was a little girl playing on the carpet in the living room. She had brown hair and eyes and looked a lot like a woman in a painting in the house. Again, my sister is uncomfortable with this sort of thing but I think its possible for her to be a medium. What do you guy's think?

Throughout the rest of the trip, I couldn't get the door handle out of my head. I couldn't believe that I had been that close to something otherworldly. There were a few times when I'd feel something close by, a sort of presence behind me. I'd also get chills down one side of my body which was really weird. The holiday ended and life continued. About a week after we got back our oven broke. That wasn't an object of concern, it was old and we called an appliance store in the nearest city to us, it's about 45 min away. But they don't service people more than 30 min away so we had to find someone else. We found someone who would come out and on the day he was meant to come to our house to look at the oven, he didn't show up. No phone call, no email, nothing. A few days later we find out he's in the hospital. Well, that was weird but stuff like that happens. About a week later a friend tells us that her uncle fixes appliances in a small town near us. We call him. A meeting is scheduled. It's going to be fine. On the day he is meant to arrive....we get a call telling us that he's in the hospital with blood poisoning. That's two people coming to help us who ended up in the hospital within a month. Is that just really bad luck or is this some sort of negative energy?

Either way, I'm fairly certain that something going on and it's scary. I don't want to bring it up with my parents because they don't believe in this sort of thing.

Anyway, that all I've got for now!!!

See yall later!!!✌️✌️✌️

[extinctdreamdiary]

Ya boi got Dumped

Long story.

It really was for the best, and I had been planning to break up with them for a hot minute because we are NOT well aligned and I had grown to resent them instead of having ~feelings~ for them.

We got together a few years ago and it was nice. I didn't realise at the time that I was putting in all the effort, but I was. We have totally different needs/love languages. Mine is doing favours/giving things, theirs is touch. We're both autistic so I don't love long periods of touch and I thought they were the same because after we moved in together for financial reasons they insisted on having their own room and expressed that they didn't really like sharing a bed.

Anyway recently they expressed they were touch starved and unfortunately there wasn't much I could do about it, so them dumping me was best for them.

Why was it good for me? My ex is a 'Chik-fil-a queer'. They bought the hogw4rts legacy game and didn't tell any of the friend group about it despite being a generally bubbly and oversharey type of person who likes to talk about themself (to a fault, another gripe but not a huge deal as they're neurodivergent and can't help it), specifically because all of the group are queer people and would be offended. However they have an online friend group about HP fanfiction that they were probably very excited to share it with them-- I don't know, none of us have ever been introduced to them in any way. They have stated that HP was one of the few enjoyable parts of their childhood and they just didn't want to let it go despite that I could say exactly the same and JKR successfully put me off the fandom. They also bought J4mes Ch4rles products after all that individual has done but 'it was ok because it was on clearance' ????

This year they are going on an overseas trip to meet their friend group and have been so strict with money so as to not pay for their groceries. We haven't said anything before to keep the peace but I expect we will be now. If it pushes them to move out living will be EXTREMELY lean for the rest of us.

Having experienced an abusive childhood and overbearing parenting, they value their independence a lot, and it took me a little while to get used to not being a 'normal' couple and while we planned a future together, they would never accept my input on any life decisions except living together. In the beginning we talked casually about kids and agreed that if we had them, we'd adopt them, as I in particular feel strongly that we should adopt over making children. It wasn't long before they changed their mind and expressed that they were going to have their own kid, with their own body, because it was easier. I can not fertilise them so they were just going to have casual sex with randoms. They also weren't interested in my or anyone else's input in parenting, they wanted the kid all to themself like the kid wouldn't be an actual person with the need to know who their other parent is and where they came from. THAT was the point at which I decided that when I was financially independent I would be leaving them.

All in all I feel like the whole relationship they didn't think much about anyone else's feelings, despite being supportive during my lowest points, which I will always be extremely thankful for because otherwise I would have been alone. And despite resolving to break up with them when it was convenient to me, being broken up with has still hurt. In the days leading up to it they had suddenly become very very withdrawn and they lash out in anger when they're going through it, another thing I had absolutely no idea how to deal with. The breakup speech itself was very amiable and I really had nothing to say. Now their mood is back to normal like they're just happy to have got shot of me and I also feel like I can't talk to our mutual friends about it, in part because I've been sort of trained out of venting to people due to one other friend that would always tell me to 'go do something about it then', they wouldn't necessarily get my reasons for wanting out and anyway, why am I upset if I wanted out anyway? My ex is back in the group chat like normal. I've muted it. I owe my ex a little money and as I'm only working part time all my extra cash is going to paying them back as quickly as I can so I can be done with it. Once I've paid it back I'm going to start going to therapy because LORD knows everybody in this situation needs it.

[bestruction]

Falling in love with a marleyan pt.2

N/A: It was really hard to write for Eren because of all of his background. That’s why I’m insecure about this one. I hope you can enjoy 

You can read the part 1 here 

- Eren Jaeger 

After the war that started in Marley because of the failure of the founding titan's mission, the government sent marleyan nurses to the hospital of the Liberio District. Since many people had died on the battlefield, it would take some time for the eldian medical unit to fully recover.

You were one of them.

It wasn't your first time taking care of war survivors, but putting your feet inside the district's central hospital and seeing all those poor souls made your heart sink in your chest. The atmosphere was heavy, especially since the other nurses who were with you saw no reason to care for and treat eldians.

What was the purpose of the war? This? More blood and hatred?

You were in charge of caring for the patients in ward B. After a long day cleaning your patients' psychological and physical wounds, you felt relief when you reached the last one.

"Mr. Kruger" was what the chart said and notes below about his amnesia, left eye, and leg.

"Good night, Mr. Kruger"

"Good night, nurse"

"You can call me by my name," You said, pointing to the badge on your chest. "We're going to see each other a lot from now on"

He looked at your face and then at your arm, noticing the lack of the armband.

"You are marleyan" he stated

"Yes, I am" You pulled up a stool to sit "Have you had any pain in your left eye or in your leg?"

"No, nurs-" he interrupted himself and looked at your badge before completing the sentence with your name.

"That's good. Please look at my index finger"

You moved your finger from side to side to test his reflexes.

“I'll need to change the bandages on your leg to make sure it is healing well, and the next week, we will look at your eye ”

He nodded, and you bent down to undo the bandages wrapped around the man's leg. To your surprise, there were no scars or even stitch marks.

"You must have an incredible body, Mr. Kruger" you exclaimed, touching his knee looking for any signs of injury "It's almost as if it's regenerating"

"It would be incredible if that were possible"

"Yes of course! It's just my imagination"

Carefully, you bandaged his leg again. Since he said that he would feel better even if he didn't need to. Of all your patients that day, the man with the long brown hair seemed to have something different about him. He was not in paranoia or outlined any kind of stress, but probably thanks to his amnesia.

You helped him sit down, undress for the bath, sit in the wheelchair, and waited at the door until he was finished to help him get dressed again.

That was your first night with Eren Kruger, one very similar to that of the other patients.

The week dragged on at the Central Hospital of Liberio. In the afternoon, it was time to take the most mentally stable patients for a walk around, and as the days passed and repeated, the more you watched Kruger.

Even during the afternoon hours, he did not walk around like the rest. Unlike other patients with amnesia, he didn't even try to search for a loved one or recover some memory. He was unusual, and you were curious.

Every day, you went to his room to perform the same procedure.

"Good night, Mr. Kruger" You greeted him after entering his room, and he responded by saying your name.

"You look tired"

"Is that your way of telling me that I've been prettier?"

You placed his dinner tray on the small, simple table there and sat next to him on the bed.

"No, just tired, but still beautiful"

You smiled at him more than you would like.

"I will test your reflexes as usual and then I will assist you in the shower as usual"

He was always your last patience. He was the best in health and with whom you talked the most.

"Aren't you going to let me see your eye yet?" You asked, helping him to take off his coat.

"You said it wasn’t necessary since I didn’t feel pain"

You shrugged. He probably didn't want to show it because of vanity.

"It is a pity. I really like the color ”

"Why you say that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm an eldian, but unlike other nurses, you don't seem to be disgusted by your work"

"Why would I, Mr. Kruger?" You asked, unbuttoning the last button on his shirt "I'm sure the blood runs here" You said, placing a hand on his chest "It's the same one that runs here"  and completed placing his hand on your chest "We are the same ”

You didn't notice, but Eren Kruger frowned before pulling your hand away abruptly. At that moment, you thought you were over the line. A silence fell over the two of you after such a simple sentence. That was how the night ended, with you two in silence.

Honestly, Eren Kruger had not been offended by your words but intimidated. The last thing he expected to hear from a marleyan was something like that. Eren was intimidated by your kindness.

Kruger was not just your patient. After that few months, he was your friend as well. It was not easy for you to establish a relationship with the other nurses. The marleyan who came with you avoided you because they saw the way you treated the eldians. The eldian nurses did not know what to expect from you, so they kept their distance. He was the only person you could talk to. After what happened, you were afraid that you had ruined things between you. So in an attempt to apologize, the next day, you took a chessboard to entertain him. It was a simple thing, but it was what the hospital protocol allowed.

When Eren saw you enter the bedroom door carrying the dinner as usual and a box, he thanked you for the poor lighting, or maybe you'd have noticed the blush that appeared on his cheeks when he heard you saying "Good night"

He answered you, but he did not look you in the eye. You left the tray of food on the bed and dragged the wooden table in the room to the front of him.

"I thought we could play a little bit" You suggested showing the box.

"It would be a great idea"

You set up the board on the table after dinner, and in silence, you started playing. You were surprised at how strategist the man in front of you proved to be and even more when he won the game.

“I bet you were a great soldier in the war. Why no one comes after you?"

He remained silent, and you sighed.

“I know I made you uncomfortable yesterday, but it was not my intention, Mr. Kruger. I hope you can forgive me ”

Eren looked at you and blinked a few times.

"You didn't ... You didn't do anything wrong" He ran a hand through his hair "I didn't expect to find someone like you in a place like this"

"Well, I didn't expect to find someone like you either"

The silence fell over you two again, but this time in a cozy way.

"Let me prepare you for your bath"

You took off his coat, unbuttoned his shirt, helped him remove his pants, and sit in the wheelchair before taking you to the bathroom.

Everything as on other days, just like with the other patients. So why did your heartbeat so fast against your chest?

"Good night, Mr. Kruger," You said about to leave the room.

"Eren"

"Hm?"

"Please call me Eren"

"Yes...Good night, Eren"

Your foolish heart was beating so fast that you could barely sleep through the night. The blood hit the walls, reverberating his name in your head, and the same happened with the eldian lying in his bed meters from you.

Time passed quietly, with the two of you talking during the afternoon outings and his daily checks. Eren loved those moments. Being with you brought back a part of him that he thought he lost some time ago.

You made that place without colors, the closest thing he could call home.

You liked how things were between you, but you were afraid.

Nothing good would come from a relationship that shouldn't exist, and you would be sent back to your city soon. So there was nothing to do about it. You thought Eren Kruger would become a good memory, and maybe he would have if you hadn't noticed him handing a letter to Falco.

The moment you saw him hand the paper over to the boy, it all made sense. So he didn't try to find out who he was because he already knew, but why stay in the hospital? Why pretend amnesia? Why send a letter if he didn't seem to want to come back?

When you went to take his dinner that night, you were nervous. How to start a conversation like this? Should you even bring it up?

"Are you okay?" He asked, taking you out of your daydreams

"Yes, just thinking about something"

"About what?" He asked, taking a tablespoon to his mouth

You swallowed hard and, without further ado, asked:

"You don't really have amnesia, do you?" Eren stopped the spoon in his mouth and waited for you to continue. “I saw you handing a letter to that boy, Falco. You wouldn’t send letters if you didn’t remember who you are ”

He put the silverware on a plate and stared at you.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"What I'm going to do…? What do you think I'm going to do? Tell the hospital board? ” You sat next to him “It hurts me that you lose faith in our friendship for so little. I would never do that, Eren. If you don't want to go back… ”You took his hand in yours“ You must have your reasons. I just don't want you to have to lie to me ”

"I wish I didn't have to lie to you, too"

He intertwined your fingers with his own and patted the back of your hand briefly. You were close enough for your legs to touch each other.

Eren raised his free hand to your chin and lifted it towards his face. The months of tension between the two of you succumbed to a calm, slow, almost frightened kiss.

"Sorry. I shouldn't… ”

Eren stumbled over the words. He didn't want to force himself on you.

You knew how wrong it was. Ethically and logically, but none of that seemed to matter. So, you kissed him back.

"I want to kiss you too, Eren" You whispered between the kiss

Eren smiled without breaking the contact. How long had he been since he smiled like that?

The kiss started a spark that turned into a fire of desire. None of you dared to stop or even wanted to. Eren kissed you as if it were the first and last time as if he was afraid to let you go. His hands went down to your back, undoing the apron knot, and yours did the same with the shirt buttons. You removed the usual coat he was wearing and right after the shirt. He pulled you into his lap, squeezing your waist. You had to hold back a groan as you felt his erection against your clothed core.

Eren put his hands on the front buttons of your dress and looked at your eyes carefully. Those jade eyes were looking for your permission. You kissed him again, touched by his concern, and got up from his lap.

You undid the buttons on your dress and took off your underwear, leaving you naked. That was the consent he was looking for.

"You're..." He searched for words looking at your face, at your body "Beautiful"

This time, you saw him blush. Eren had never seen a naked woman, more than that, he was sure he had never met a woman like you.

He undid his belt, and you helped him take off his pants before accepting the invitation to return to his lap. To be honest, he didn't quite know what to do, and if you think he was flushed before, you should have seen his face lying on your shoulder when he said:

"I don't know what to do exactly ..."

So you took one of his hands and guided it to the middle of your legs.

"Here" He pressed his finger above your clit "Move your finger in circles"

He did as you said, and he had to restrain himself not to cum at the exact moment you moaned.

"Keep...Agh...Doing it, Eren"

Eren felt an adrenaline rush up his spine and his cock throb when he heard you say his name like that. He wanted more. See more, learn your reactions, and listen to you say his name like this more often.

That night left a mark on you two forever. There was no turning back. Not because of sex, but because you fell in love with Eren, and he fell in love with you long before that.

Thinking about the afterward was something you avoided, but when your period didn't come a second time. You knew it was necessary.

You planned to apply for permanent leave to work as a nurse in the Liberio District and somehow get Eren out of the hospital. You could live in a more remote part of the district without attracting attention and, if necessary, would use one of the eldian armbands. That way, you would only be more of a couple among many. After all, the government would not bother to investigate the life of a nurse.

You were happy despite everything, but that was until you told him.

"Are you ... What?"

"I’m pregnant"

"Is it mine?"

You opened your eyes wide when you heard the question.

"Excuse me? What are you trying to say? ” You controlled yourself not to raise the voice “Of course it’s yours” You completed feeling a lump forming in your throat.

“That wasn’t part of the plan,” He said more to himself than you“You were not part of the plan” Eren rested his hands on his knees and lowered his head.

You wanted to cry. Not for him, but for trusting him, for making plans for the two of you.

“So this is how it will be? God ... I'm such an idiot ”

Eren looked at your figure with slumped shoulders and closed countenance. He hated himself for causing your smile to end. He hated himself for being not the man you deserved and needed, but he wouldn't leave you by yourself.

Even though he couldn't be that man.

"Don’t go out of hospital tonight" He said breaking the silence. "Under no circumstances go to the speech today"

"What? Why?"

"Promise me you won't, please"

"Eren, you are not making sense"

"Please" He begged you seriously

"Okay"

He told you to wait on the hospital terrace. He would come to pick you up, and once again, you trusted him.

It was difficult to watch the confusion that happened in the hospital. Countless wounded and killed. You never forgot the horror stuck in those people's eyes, and doing nothing to help make you feel guilty.

Is that why he told you not to go? If so, how did he know what was going to happen? Why did he know?

You were about to come down to help when a short-haired woman appeared on the terrace saying your name. If you were confused before by not knowing what was going on, now even more.

"Who are you?"

"Eren asked me to pick you up"

"He told me he would come"

She held out her hand with a tender face that you couldn't decipher.

“You will understand everything. Now come on, we don’t have much time to reach others ”

The wind was blowing hard on the terrace. You thought about refusing, going down, and helping the patients. At that time, you were no longer sure if you knew who Eren Kruger, the father of your child, was. You wouldn't know if it was for fear of what could happen if you stayed or for the love you felt for Eren, but you accepted her hand.

You climbed on the airship with that woman.  The pairs of eyes there were looking at you with as much curiosity as you to them. You hated the feeling of being the only one in the dark, the only one not knowing what was going on.

"We'd better keep an eye on her"

"She doesn't know anything" You heard Eren say without looking at you "She wasn't part of the plan"

"No? So why did you ask to pick her up? ” Asked the man without taking his eyes off you

"She’s pregnant with my child"

All the heads in the room turned to you.

"It seems that conspiring was not the only thing he did during that time"

You had so many questions, but there was no time for any of them right now.

Finding out that Eren Kruger was actually Eren Jaeger was like a punch in the gut. The army agreed to accommodate you, and in return, Eren would be imprisoned since he could leave if he wanted to. The woman who came to pick you up on the terrace answered all your questions and explained the current situation. You didn't know what to say, just that you needed to talk to him.

It took a while, but after so much insisting, the survey corps commander agreed to let the two of you talk under her supervision.

Eren was sitting on the bed when you stopped in front of the cell with Hange at your side. He didn't look at you, and he didn't think he could do it too.

"Eren?" You called him, putting your face between the bars "What does all this mean?" You asked even though he knew the answer "You lied to me"

You didn't want to cry, but how could you not? Especially being more sensitive because of the pregnancy.

"Eren ... why?" A sob cut you off “Now I don't know who you are, I can't go home, and is that all you have to say? Nothing? Eren! ” You hit the bars causing a loud bang.

“Try to stay calm. You can't be exasperated because of the baby, ”said Hange, touching your shoulder.

Eren got up from the bed and went to you. You looked deep into his green eyes, now understanding why he never let you take off the bandages, why he didn't have scars.

“I didn't lie about everything” He rested his forehead over yours on the bars “I know this is hard to believe right now, but I'm not going to leave you by yourself. That’s why I asked Mikasa to pick you up ”

For an instant, you saw the Eren who spent his days in the hospital there in front of you. He wiped away your tears and whispered an apology accompanied by your name before kissing your forehead and apologizing again.

It was unfair how your heart sped at the mere touch of him. Foolish heart.

Falling in love and having a child never crossed Eren's mind when he went to Marley. He didn't feel like he deserved you and even less your love. Several times he wanted to tell you everything, but how?

Hange looked at her watch and said that the time was over. Eren took your cheeks in his hands and whispered looking into your eyes.

“I wasn't lying when I said I loved you. I love you"

Hange took you back to your room and asked if you would accept that she questioned you about your time with Eren. She had waited until the moment she judged it right due to your pregnancy.  As a way to repay all her kindness you accepted.

Eren could have said he wouldn't leave you alone, but while you were telling what happened during that time in a country you didn't know, in a room that wasn't yours and pregnant with a man you weren't sure you knew more about, you felt more alone than ever.

[smutember]

Smutember 2021 prompts are here!

And we're back to make 2021 slightly more smutty! Thank you to all people, who asked for it to return and to all that submitted propositions of prompts. Three months should be looong enough for you to create all the smuttiness you can think of.

Rules

All posts have to be tagged with either smutember or smutember2021 hashtag (preferably both). Be aware that ns fw tag is shadowed, and posts with it are not visible in the tags. I personally suggest the revived old lemon tag. it wouldn’t hurt to @ this blog, so that your post won’t be missed, especially if your blog is new and still not shown in the tag.

No minor/underage content.

All submissions have to be at least somewhat smutty/naughty. We don’t require hard Explcit rating, a Mature one is fine too.

If you are planning on posting suggestive pics/drawings, remember that tumblr still has the ridiculous p0rn filter, so I suggest cropping the pic and adding links to external sites.

If your work contain kinks that may offend some, please tag them either in the tags, or in the body of the work.

Prompts are merely suggestions - at the end of the day, you are the one who chooses how to interpret the prompt. You can also completely ignore the prompts and have your own 30-day challenge, we’re not gonna call the internet police on you.

And in case they weren’t clear, here is a list of prompts with explanations and some propositions:

Strip Poker - cards on the table.. and maybe some clothes too. Sexy games and bets galore.

Oral - pretty self-explanatory :)

"Watcha starin' at?" - One person catches the other dressing? Or are they just peeping Toms? Your call!

Gangbang - anything related to threesomes/moresomes/ sex parties/orgies, etc. The more, the merrier.

Public sex - cos the world NEEDS to know you are in love... and remember, it's not illegal if police doesn't catch you.

In the kitchen - some call it boring and cliché, but at the same time, those countertops are at perfect height... Just make sure to the pasta doesn't overboil

Putting on a show - striptease? Cam show? Filming? Roleplay with fancy costumes? So many ways to express yourself.

Against a wall - Vertical is new horizontal. Classic case of a quickie... or just because the beds have not arrived yet.

In a vehicle - Time to rev up those engines. They say car sex is difficult, but you will find a way. Or maybe it's a spaceship? Or someone joined the mile high club? Just don't idle too much...

Hot tub - Is it hot because of the water, or because you are in there? All sorts of bathroom-related shenanigans, not necessarily in the tub itself.

Nature date - Time to return to the nature... doing it au naturel? In the forest? On top of a mountain? The whole world can be a bed if you are creative enough.

Romantic gesture - that's how it starts, with flowers and chocolates... but what happens after? And what if it fails?

Fantasy - We all have them, and so do our characters. All the roleplays, scenarios and AUs suddenly may be real.

"YES!" - That's what you will be screaming... or maybe that's all you can say, agreeing to every decision for a night?

The clock's ticking - Quickie before the boss catches you... or maybe because the world's gonna end tomorrow. Anything that makes love-making time-sensitive.

Secret rendezvous - sneaking away for a date always makes the heart pump blood faster.

Experiments - trying new kinks? New positions? Role reversal? Try it here for free!

Skinny dipping - any beach is a nudist beach if you are brave enough!

Facial - sex is messy, and it's time to embrace it. Anything related to the stckier part of love-making.

Formal wear - sometimes imagining what's underneath is part of fun. Dresses, suits, costumes, fancy parties and balls goes here.

Porno playlist - we gotta have soundtrack for the love-making. Anything related to music or ambient sounds goes here. Feel free to create said playlists!

Celebration night - time to pen bottle of champagne and celebrate.... and you decide what! Maybe even the fact that there is time to celebrate....

"You don't do that with a fruit!" - Insert peach and aubergine emoji here. Food play, aphrodisiacs, or maybe creative use of cucumbers...

Body warmth - Oh no! We're snowed in and HAVE to share a bed! What a... horror. Time-tested tropes of cuddling and being close together, always a good start for something bigger.

Breeding grounds - Time to expand the family... or maybe celebrate the expansion. Impregnation, pregnant sex, breeding fantasies go here.

Bondage - Fifty shades of please look up how it's done and use a safeword properly.

Blindfolds - close your eyes... and let other other senses guide you. From actual blindfolds, through sex in the darkness, to audiovisual deprivation.

Dirty talk - Use your adults words... a lot of them. Pre-sex or post-coital to start another round, oral is not the only way of making use of that tongue.

Wish come true - It finally happened! More fantasies and magical moments, only you decide what was that secret desire of your characters...

Free day - Didn’t enjoy the prompts? Or have you enjoyed them too much and have more ideas? Use this as a wildcard to express your creativity. Anything goes here, as long as you tag it.

And here are the raw list of prompts submitted:

strip poker

striptease, oral, gangbang, public sex, experimenting/ "Try Everything". There's probably more, but that's off the top of my head :)

something where one partner plays with themselves while the other is watching? Not quite voyeurism since they're both together. I don't know what to call it- "presenting" or "putting on a show" maybe?

sex against a wall; in a vehicle; bath or hot tub; out in nature; romantic gesture fails (but then doesn't); wish come true; Yes day (person A agrees to say yes to person B's requests for a whole day); time crunch/quickie; secret rendezvous.

skinny dipping, stripping, sex club

formal wear, pregnant sex

An inappropriate or inconvenient location requiring some discretion or creativity

Sexy Spotify Playlist! Or Makeout Music. Celebration Night (like a holiday, or birthday or anniversary. I'm bad at naming things). "You don't do that with fruit!" "Why is there porno music playing?"

Fishhooking, body warmth/heat, wet t-shirts

Multiple husbands/wives

My prompt are BONDAGE and BLINDFOLD and TEEN ANTICS.

Facial, Fantasy, Dirty Talk

cockwarming, mirror, cam show

in the kitchen; from behind; mile high club; skinny dipping; heat of the moment; summer fling; same time next year (meet same place/time every year or period of time); some repeats could be good too, oral, foreplay, fantasy, etc.

(Prompt for smutember) "Whatcha staring at, nothing to see here"

[emmlovesmarvel]

Chapter 10 - I Need You, Moms

Lena POV

I wake up to Lennox sitting up, gasping for air. It's still dark so it must be the middle of the night. I also see Kara awake, trying to calm Lennox down.

"S-she k-killed both of you." Lennox sobs. She doesn't seem to be responding well to touch, so Kara and I try our best to keep our distance when all we want to do is hold her.

"What, baby?" I say asking to clarify.

"Lillian. She killed you and then Kara. I just stood there and couldn't do anything." She cries, still trying to even her breathing.

"It's okay, honey. We're both right here. We're okay." Kara coos.

"Lennox, baby, can we touch you?" I offer.

She nods slowly and I don't hesitate to pull her into my lap and hold her while Kara strokes her back. I stay holding her, hoping she will go back to sleep. She stops crying and I can hear her breathing evening out, but her eyes are open, full of fear. She's trying to stay awake.

"Len, it's okay. You can go back to sleep. We're right here. We won't leave, okay?" I whisper into her hair.

"I can't. I'm too scared." She admits, voice cracking. "C-could I take a shower? I feel gross." She asks.

"Of course, sweetheart. Do you need help?" Kara asks getting off the bed.

"Y-yes. Is that okay? I'm sorry I know you guys were sleeping." She says ashamed.

"No, honey don't apologize. Of course we will help. Our top priority from now on is you, okay my love?" I ask making sure she understands.

"Okay. Thank you." She says getting off the bed and lets Kara guide her to the bathroom.

Kara helps take Lennox's PJs off and starts the shower. Lennox flinches as Kara goes to lift her shirt.

"Hey, it's okay. It's just me, my love. I will never hurt you." Kara reassures.

Lennox nods, "Sorry. I didn't mean to." She says sadly.

"It's okay, honey. I understand. But Lena and I will never hurt you, okay? If you need us to take it slow with the physical touch, you can tell us."

"N-no, I love your hugs and kisses. It just might take me a second to get acclimated again."

I'm so impressed by her. She knows her own needs and responses to things that a lot of people don't figure out until later in their lives.

"Well good, because we love kissing and hugging you, cuddle bug." I say kissing her head, making her smile.

Kara helps her into the shower and she winces at the water drops hitting her body. Her back is covered in bruises so being in here will probably hurt before it starts to soothe. I start washing her hair and try not to cry at how sad she looks. Just when she was starting to heal and move past what she went through, her same offenders took her and hurt her worse than ever before.

She breaks my thoughts when she says, "Thank you for being so gentle."

"Of course, baby. Is it okay if Kara scrubs your body, gently?" I ask and she nods looking at Kara.

I see tears stream down Kara's face as she tries not to hurt Lennox.

We finish up in the shower and I help her step out while Kara wraps her in a towel. We guide her back to the bed and sit her down while I grab her fresh PJs. I slip her shirt on and she winces when I accidentally graze her ribs. "I'm so sorry, baby! I didn't mean to, I'm sorry." I say kissing her head.

"It's okay, Lee I know you didn't mean to. I trust you." She says looking into my eyes and I nod.

We all lay back in bed and she leans on Kara who wraps her arm around her waist. Her arm is interlocked with mine.

"I'm sorry you guys have to take care of me. You didn't ask for it." Lennox says softly.

"Don't apologize, Len. We love you and can't imagine our lives without you here. When I took you in, both of our lives changed for the better. Kara and I are finally together because of you. I have missed you for 6 years. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I say kissing her temple.

"You don't understand, though." She says looking up at me.

"What don't we understand, honey?" Kara asks.

"W-when I was with Lillian. She said she had a new serum to try on me. The last serum, when I was 6, didn't work because my DNA wasn't compatible. Now that I fully understand what CADMUS was, I was wondering why she was experimenting on me. I'm not an alien." She pauses. "I overheard Lillian say that Lena's DNA wasn't compatible." She looks up at me with tears brimming. I put together that Lennox isn't Lillian's daughter. She's mine.

"Lena, you're my mother. I was created with your DNA, not Lillian's. I was so mad that she would use your DNA without your consent, because now you have a whole child that you're taking care of and you didn't even ask to!" She says angrily.

While I am upset at Lillian for using my DNA without asking me, I couldn't be happier to know that Lennox is mine.

"Hey, hey Lennox. Yes, what Lillian did was wrong and she won't get away with it, but I couldn't be happier to know that you are mine. I love you so much Lennox. Even though I didn't initially expect to start raising a child I didn't know was mine, it doesn't change how I feel now. I love you. I want to take care of you. I want to be your mother. You are everything and more I could ever want in a child." I say and she breaks down into tears. I hold her and let her cry. I see Kara has tears in her eyes too.

"Lennox, did Lillian tell you who the other parent is?" Kara asks.

"Y-yes." She pauses and looks up at Kara.

"You're my other mother, Kara." Kara looks shocked and I'm sure I look shocked too. Lillian stole Kara's DNA too? And made a child without her knowing? It's different with me because I wouldn't expect anything less from my mother, but to do it to Kara...she's despicable.

"Lillian somehow got your DNA and combined it with Lena's. She wanted to use me to destroy alien life on Earth. She wanted a loyal Luthor who wouldn't be defeated like Lex was and she wanted me to have the strongest powers that are from Krypton. Except when the serums wouldn't work, she kept trying. My powers are dormant. I haven't felt anything inside of me. I don't have superhearing, super speed, heat vision or superstrength. Oh, or freeze breath." Lennox continues.

"Kara, I understand why you're upset. I don't want you to think you have to be responsible for me or-." Lennox is cut off by Kara hugging her tightly.

"Oh Lennox. This is the best news of my life! Yes, I agree with Lena that Lillian had no right using our DNA without our consent, but I got the best thing ever to come out of it. You. Lennox you have changed my life so much. I never thought I could love a person as much as I love you. And now that I know you're mine, my heart is overflowed with love. Lennox, I want to be your mother. I want to be there for you always. You're not a burden. Lena and I were talking the other day about how we thought of you as our daughter and now we have DNA to prove that! Not that it changes much. It just confirms we were meant to be together. As a family. You, my love, are greater than all my powers and Lena's brilliance. You are everything we could have ever hoped for in a child. You are the best parts of both of us, baby. We couldn't ask for anything more." Kara finishes.

Lennox and I are sobbing and sniffling while Kara is kissing and hugging both of us.

"I love you. Both of you. I'm so happy you're my moms....Can I call you that?" She asks.

We respond by hugging and kissing her, "YES!" We say at the same time.

All this crying made Lennox tired and she fell asleep on Kara. We reposition and set her in the middle of us.

"Hey, mama." Kara says to me smiling making me laugh.

"I can't believe this. Not only do I have a daughter, I have a daughter with the love of my life. I'm angry at Lillian for creating Lennox to destroy alien life. But I'm happy that she will never be able to use or hurt Lennox again." I say.

"I feel the same way. I love you, Lena Luthor."

"I love you, Kara Danvers." I reply, falling asleep shortly after.

—

Lennox POV

I wake up and feel Kara's arms around me. This has become one of my favorite feelings. I carefully remove her arms and try to get up when suddenly I feel her arms wrap around me again and start to lightly tickle me.

"Not so fast I'm not done cuddling my daughter." Kara says while I'm laughing. This woke Lena up and she's smiling at me. She takes me into her arms and she hugs me tightly while kissing my cheeks.

"Did you sleep okay, my love?" She asks brushing some hair out of my face.

"Yeah I did. I like waking up in my mom's arms." I say making them both smile.

"We love when our daughter wakes up in ours." She responds laughing and tickling my side.

Both women let me get up and they head to the kitchen to make breakfast.

I sit down to pee and I immediately feel pain. It hurts to open my legs slightly and it hurts to pee. I start crying but try to make it silent.

"Lennox, love, are you okay in there?" I hear mom ask. Super hearing. Man will I ever get used to that?

"U-uh yeah." I say back stuttering.

"Len, it's okay if you're not, you can tell me." She responds.

"It hurts to pee and open my legs." I say not being able to hold in my tears.

"Can I come in, honey?"

"Y-yeah."

Kara walks in with a sad look in her eyes. This isn't my first time going through this, but now that both of my moms know, it's a little embarrassing and I hate that it makes them cry.

Kara helps me get off the toilet and pull my shorts up. She lifts me up easily so I can wash my hands and then takes me to the couch. Lena comes over, also with a sad look, and hands me a banana.

"Here, baby can you eat this so you can take all your meds while I finish up your oatmeal?" She asks and I nod and smile. I swallow all my pills with some water.

We all eat our breakfast on the couch while watching Kung Fu Panda. Some of the scenes make me chuckle and it seems to make moms smile too.

"Thanks for breakfast, Le-mama. Sorry I couldn't finish it all." I say sadly but she's stuck with a smile on her face. Oh, I called her mama.

"It's okay, love. I'm glad you liked it!" She says kissing my head and taking my bowl.

"Hey, Lennox? Alex just texted asking if her and Kelly could stop by to visit? Would that be okay?" Mom asks me.

"Yeah that would be okay. I want to see them." I say smiling.

A couple hours later, I wake up from a nap and walk out to the living room and see Alex and Kelly. I smile and walk over to Kelly and give her a hug. I then look at Alex who is smiling with some tears pooling in her eyes. I hug her tight and she holds me for a while. Everyone in this family knows how to give such good hugs.

"How are you feeling, Len?" Kelly asks as we sit down.

"I feel okay. I'm really sore pretty much everywhere. The meds the DEO gave me work really well though." I reply and Alex takes my hand in hers.

"Yeah the DEO has the good stuff." She says making us all laugh.

"Are you hungry, Lennox? We brought some Noonan's sandwiches for everyone if you want one?" Kelly asks.

"Oh yes I would love one, thank you for bringing some!" I say.

We all eat and continue to chat. I zone out for a while not wanting to participate in conversation. I'm just so tired. The sandwich I ate filled me up and so I'm even more tired.

"Sweetheart, why don't you go lie down for a bit, okay? I'll come wake you in an hour or so." Mama says and I nod.

"Thanks for coming to see me. I love you guys." I say hugging Kelly then Alex.

"We love you, too. Sleep well and feel better, okay? We want you well for the next game night we have." Alex says and I nod and smile.

Mom helps me into my bed and tucks me in. I fall asleep easily.

Kara POV

"Did she go down alright?" Lena asks and I nod and smile.

"So how is she really?" Alex asks me.

"She uh-she was trying to go to the bathroom this morning and I heard her crying when I was helping Lena in the kitchen. She was having pain opening her legs to pee." I say trying to hold in my tears, but they spill when I see Alex and Kelly start to cry.

"I can't believe he did that to her. She's so little. So innocent." Alex says with anger lining her voice.

"I can't believe it either. She still hasn't said anything about it to us yet. Which is okay, but it's like waiting for a dam to break. We will be here for when she does but it breaks my heart watching her trying to keep it together." Lena says wiping her tears.

"Do you have any leads on Lillian?" I ask after a beat of silence.

"Nothing promising. Brainy and J'onn were working on finding her but decided to regroup and come up with a different method to find her." Alex says.

"Where is Joe now?" Lena asks her.

"Still locked up at the DEO. I called Oliver Queen and asked if he could transfer him to Lian Yu." Mine and Lena's eyes go wide.

"Well, good. He deserves the worst the world has to offer." I say.

After another 45 minutes of chatting, we say bye to Alex and Kelly.

"I'll go wake her." I say to Lena and she nods and goes into the kitchen.

I walk in and see Lennox's brows furrowed. Her heart rate is spiked. Nightmare. I gently call her name and touch her arm.

She jolts awake trying to breathe. Her forehead is covered in sweat. God, I hope she can just get some good sleep soon. Her eyes have dark, dark circles underneath them.

"Hey, baby I'm right here. You're okay it was just a dream." I say and she clings onto me. She balls some of my shirt in her fist and starts crying. My poor baby. I rub her bony back gently and whisper into her ear that everything's okay. I put her into my lap and continue to shush her cries which are dying down.

"Where's mama?" She asks softly, pitch in her voice higher. It makes my heart melt.

"She's in the kitchen, do you want to go see her?" I ask and feel her nod.

I carry her out to the kitchen and Lena looks at me concerned.

"She's asking for you. Nightmare." I mouth to her and she nods.

I transfer Lennox from my arms to Lena's. Lennox sighs at Lena's touch and then cries a bit more. Lena continues to hold and rock our daughter while I finish making the food. Lennox doesn't say anything to Lena, she just cries.

Lena sits both of them on the couch and continues to comfort her. I see Lena rubbing Lennox's back under her shirt providing some skin to skin. I've noticed that Lennox likes that. I figure it's soothing and a reminder that we're real and here. After all she's been through, I'm glad we can provide some sort of comfort for our daughter.

I call Eliza asking if she would like to come over for dinner and see Lennox, which she agrees to.

I pad my way to the couch and see Lennox's red eyes that have finally stopped crying. I give Lena a break for a second and hold Lennox. 

"Hey baby. I just called grandma and asked if she would come for dinner, which she is. Is that okay?" I feel her nod and smile a bit.

"Lennox, do you have to use the bathroom?" Lena asks.

"Y-yeah. Could you help me?" She asks weakly.

"Of course, my love. Come on." Lena says and picks her up from my lap.

Eliza arrives an hour later with a cake of some kind. She sets it down and greets Lena and I before sitting next to Lennox on the couch who's watching tv. Lennox doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her neck and take comfort in Eliza.

We gather around the table and I put small servings on Lennox's plate along with her meds. She eats a little bit of potatoes before swallowing her pills.

Lennox doesn't say anything during dinner. Her nightmare must've really scared her. Lena, Eliza and I carry on a conversation while Lennox tries to eat as much as she can. Eliza couldn't be happier to know that Lennox is ours. Even if Lillian did it in the way she did.

After we finish up, I put on the Wizard of Oz which makes Lennox smile. She falls asleep on Eliza 30 minutes into it and I carry her to Lena's bed, and I guess mine now too, followed by Lena.

"I hope she can get some good sleep. She needs it. I hate that she's having such awful nightmares. I hate that there's nothing we can do to protect her when her own mind is attacking her." Lena says kissing our daughter.

"Me too. I might've snuck in a sleeping aid in her medication. Alex recommended it." I say and Lena smiles.

"I love her so much, Kar. I would seriously die for her." She says leaning on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her waist.

"I love her so much, too Lee. I just want her to be okay and have normal kid experiences." I say voice cracking a bit.

"We will make sure she will." Lena says as we walk out the door.

We say goodbye to Eliza and head to bed. Lena wraps her arm around Lennox's waist while I take her into my arms in front.

"Goodnight, my love." I say to Lena kissing her.

"Goodnight, babe. I love you."

"I love you too." I say and we fall asleep easily after such an emotional day.

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ HOTEL ROOM? ❜

with Angel Reyes.

Warnings: nsfw, brief smut described.

Word count: about 1.9k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

It was a long day at the hospital and you didn't want to party. But it was EZ night, after being fully patched, and he begged you to go. Even if you know all the Mayans and have a good relationship with them, you feel totally out of place when your friend disappears. He said it was only for some minutes, but one hour has already passed and your drink is almost emptied. You could go home, but the problem is that your housemate asked you to have the house for her own tonight. Another Tinder date. So now, you're freezing because EZ kept your hoodie, sitting on the porch and not knowing where you are going to sleep tonight. Your last option? Search for a hotel room.

Heavily sighing you grab your phone from a pocket of your shorts, curling your body over the couch looking for some warmth. Typing over the screen, you wait for the results. Thirty dollars per night. EZ and Melissa are going to pay for that. Taking off your wallet from your bag, you hold your credit card to hire one room. At least, you will enjoy a good breakfast tomorrow. You don't notice Angel's presence until he asks you what you are doing. Turning your face towards him, you find the oldest Reyes with an arm on one of Vicki's girls shoulders. Mumbling nonsense words, you end up shrugging. If you tell him about your new adventure, he will scold you for not asking him first. But you're weak, and if you stay alone with him, you're going to screw up things between you two.

Before you can't stop him, Angel has grabbed your phone, leaving the girl in the background visibly annoyed. Licking your lips, he looks at you frowning. That look is also enough for the other woman to abandon the porch. Keeping your phone in his back pocket, he takes off his kutte holding it between his legs to offer you his hoodie. Puckering your lips ashamed, you take it to wear it. His smells almost dizzies you, closing the zip over your abdomen and your chest. The warmth of his body concentrated on the fabric comforts you more than anything, holding this time the hand in front of your eyes.

“C'mon, I will take you to my house”.

“You don't have to, Angel”. You whisper, even if you're really desiring it. “You can stay with that girl, and I can g—”.

“Nah”. He clicks his tongue, tangling your fingers with his. “I'm not gonna let you alone, as my shitty brother did”.

He's smirking at you, proud of saving the damsel in distress. Guiding you to his motorbike, he makes you wear on the helmet, assuring that it's tight grip under your chin. Putting away a lock of hair, sticking out by a side, he softly slaps the top of the helmet.

“Let's go, mami”.

The ride is shorter than you thought, clinged to his waist until the bike stops close to the building. Helping you to jump out of it, you follow Angel through the yard to the inside, going upstairs. You have been a lot of times in his house, but this time is different, because it's the first one you're alone. Standing up in the middle of the living room, the man goes to his room to come back a minute later carrying a shirt and a pair of short sweatpants.

“You can wear it, it will be more comfortable to sleep”.

“Thank you”. Whispering with a fleeting smile drawn on your lips, you hold it. “I can… sleep on the sofa”.

“Nah, bed is yours”. Shaking his head, he takes off his kutte to hang it on a chair.

That's not a good idea for you, covered by his smell and dying inside in the meantime. But you just nod, before leaving him to change your clothes. Once that you're ready, tying up your hair, you step out of his room with your new pajamas.

“Wanna beer?”

“Yeah, sure”.

“So, it's supposed that you were staying with EZ?” He asks then, opening the fridge to grab the drinks and sit with you on the sofa.

“It was supposed”. Giggling, you hold your beer to have a sip.

“A toast for my shitty lil brother boiling you”.

“Wow, that's rude!” You laugh, colliding slightly your bottle with his.

“Nah, enjoy our night. It's the first time we're alone, didn't know you?”

“Yes, I know”.

“Why? I mean, we were friends in our childhood. It's not like… you don't know me”. He sounds a little offended and confused.

“Ah… I don't know”. Putting away your gaze, you focus the moves of your fingers on the beer, shrugging somewhat nervous.

Yes, you know it. But you're not going to tell him.

“I always thought you were in love with me”. He laughs loud, shaking his head.

Your heart is jumping inside your chest, about to fly out and leave the earth's atmosphere. But when he finds you not laughing back, he almost chokes on his beer. With an incredulous gesture, he cleans his mouth with the back of his hand, licking his bottom lip. You're fucked. You just want to run away. From his house. From Santo Padre. From California. Maybe, from the United States. But he grabs your left wrist when you're about to get up.

“Are you…?” He mumbles surprised.

“Angel, I do—”.

“I thought you were just mad at me for something”. Now, the tone of his laugh turns to a happy one, confusing you. “Damn! I thought that maybe I did one of those comments that bothers you, and you just simply… kicked me out”.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to… make you feel like that”.

“So, are you actually in love with me?” Angel is still sounding surprised, putting both drinks away over the coffee table.

His ringed fingers grab your forearms making you kneel on the sofa, a little bit closer from his position. You can't barely breathe when he urges you to lie over his body, embracing you tightly as he places his whole anatomy on the sofa. Your pulse is about to stop, after speeding up too much.

“Do you wanna know a secret?”

“No…” You sob between laughs, covering your face with both hands.

He laughs louder, making his chest vibrate under yours. Turning both bodies on a side, he grabs again your wrist to discover your face. Your cheeks are burning. He's too close. Your back is stuck against the sofa and you two barely fit on it, but Angel looks comfy just like that.

“You were my crush on highschool”. He confesses chuckling, putting an arm under your neck.

“No, it's not true”.

“Yeah, it is. But I thought you and EZ were dating”.

“You think too much”. You mock him.

He nods with pursed lips.

“And didn't help at all”. Angel adds then, starting to caress your hair with soft gestures of his fingertips. Having a light deep breath, he places his head on the cushion. “So… what about you dating me?”

You have never heard him so nervous, always being so secure of himself around girls. And you can't even believe what he is asking you. Now, you're the one who feels secure, and he is the one dying inside.

“I've never had a girlfriend and I don't know what to do, but I'm sure about how many times I have to feed you and how many times I have to take you for a walk”.

“Angel, I'm not a dog!” Palming his chest, you almost roll on your back.

“You sure?” He jokes then, trying to hide the fact that you haven't answered his question yet and he's losing his calm.

“We can figure it out”. You finally say, nodding for a second.

He's smiling like a fool, using the hand on the back of your head to push you some inches closer, until your lips touch his. A soft kiss happening in the meantime that your fingers get intertwined on his shirt, and his free hand flies to your cheek. Your mouths molding perfectly, tasting the bitter mix of beer and your salivas. The pace of your heart feeling calmed, almost touching your noses when he tucks his tongue between your lips. Caressing it, you can't help but fit your body with his when his right arm surrounds tightly your waist. You don't know how many times you have dreamt with that kiss, but probably exactly as he has done.

Running out of air, Angel draws a path of wet kisses down to your jaw, sinking his face into the gap of your neck. His dense beard makes you some tickles, as his teeth getting dragged over your skin give you some soft shivers. You can't help but keep your eyes closed, biting your bottom lip while your fingers tighten the grip in his shirt. One of his hands, placed now on your ass, roams the back of your thigh to urge you to raise up your leg over his, settling himself almost under your body.

“Do you still want to sleep alone?” He whispers against your skin, bristling it with his warm breath.

“No”. You gasp unconsciously as soon as he starts to rock his hips with slow moves.

The hardness under his jeans is perfectly seated against your center, enjoying the friction his anatomy does to yours.

“Who you wanna sleep with, baby?” He asks, clearly teasing you, knowing how much he wants to hear it.

“I wanna sleep with my boyfriend”. You can feel the smile on his lips growing up, because his mouth is still pressed on your neck.

Sticking out his face from his hiding place, Angel kisses you again, turning you on your back. With him lying over you, his pelvis can go somewhat deeper into your legs, finally making you moan just with a simple move. The clothes are hindering you more than anything, but seems like he loves to play with you. And you're no one to ask him to stop, aren't you?

“Does mi preciosa novia want to be fucked by his amazing boyfriend?” His ringed fingers are nailed on your sides, securing you against the sofa, to thrust his hard rock to your needed pussy already wet for him.

“Yes, please…”

“Do you like how it sounds, ah?”

You just nod, feeling his right hand traveling down the fabric of the shirt, finding the waistband of the sweatpants. He doesn't lose time on sliding it under your clothes, grunting because of the heat flooding from your core. But he just caress your folds, impregnating his digits with your juices to bring it to his mouth. Barely gulping, you watch him sucking his own fingers and his eyes getting darker.

“You taste so fucking good, mi reina”. He gasps onto your lips.

And you don't need to be asked to. Gripping his wrist, you take his fingers into your mouth. Your lips closing around it and your head bowing up and down slowly. His orbs are glued on yours, as your tongue tastes his skin. Angel bites his bottom lip using his incisors, seeing how his Adam's apple moves in his throat by gulping his own saliva.

“Fuck my life…” He babbles, enraptured by the way your lips suck his fingers.

“Fuck me, Angel”. You correct him, looking now for his mouth.

[amane-by-together]

Blue Hour || Amane Yugi pt. 1/5

(Amane Yugi x Fem!Reader)

genre: romance, drama, and a bit of fantasy

summary: amane was assigned to send letters to [name] from another school for a quarterly pen pal project in their class.

"You and I found in the sky in 5:53"

Amane grabbed a white pen from his black cylindrical pencil case and wrote some finishing touches for his letter on a black sheet of paper. He doodled some stars and constellations around the paper before folding it carefully then placing it inside a navy blue envelope.

He added some photographs of stars and moon stickers inside the galaxy themed parcel that he designed a day ago. Amane smiled proudly to himself after tying the twine around the parcel, he also slides in some post cards inside the twine.

“You sure are taking this pen pal project seriously, Yugi.” Yamabuki looked over to his dark haired friend with his phone on hand. “I barely even put effort on mine.”

“Look at Yashiro's though,” Amane pointed at the cream haired girl with teal tips sitting in front of him. She was putting a lot of designs for her pen pal letter so that her assigned sender would think that she's a creative person that matches their own aesthetic. “Hey, Yashiro-san, who do you think will be your pen pal?”

“I hope my pen pal is a boy,” Yashiro sighed dreamily as Amane deadpanned at her being a simp for hot and tall guys. He used to like her back then until he realized that he wasn't good enough for her. “And while we're sending letters, we'll fall in love—”

“Okay that's enough delusions, Yashiro.” Amane raised his hand up to prevent her from speaking more of her fantasies. “I've heard enough of them.”

“What did you put in your letter?” Yashiro asked.

“Pretty much about myself, I added some stickers and post cards, just incase my future pen pal would like them.” Amane explained while counting his fingers. “Hopefully they would because I made a lot of effort in it.” he said while scratching his cheek.

“I heard that our letters will be sent to another school and students from our grade will be our pen pals.” Akane explained as he went towards Yamabuki. “If Ao-chan gets a pen pal that is a guy, then I guess I have to eliminate the offender—”

“Whoah chill, Aoi.” Yamabuki glanced up to the red head whose expression quickly changed with a scary one. “What's with the bat though—?”

“Sometimes your obsession scares me.” Amane raised a perfect brow at Akane while resting his cheek to the heel of his palm.

“You're the one to talk.” Akane slightly glared at the smaller male. “At least I have a love life.”

“Fair enough.” Amane grumbled under his breath, looking away from the distasteful Akane. “Wait, you two are dating—?”

Amane was interrupted by their homeroom teacher entering the class. “Good morning class, did you have your letters ready?” Sensei asked as he scratched his chin. “To those who didn't know yet, your letters will be delievered to another school. Expect a letter from your new pen pal on the next day or two.”

The dark haired boy feels his eyes slowly drooping, it's always like this, getting sleepy in the middle of class. The cause? Stargazing.

Amane, ever since he was a little boy, he loved the moon and stars. He would open his window at night and look into his telescope to admire the star studded sky. Looks like he stayed up a little too long before dawn, you can't really blame him, who wouldn't like stargazing.

His eyes can't take it anymore, he needed to snooze off, just for a moment to rest. Amane folded his arms on top of his desk and puts his head down to take a nap.

“The other world at 5:53 is beautiful.”

In a dusk turning into dark, there stood a glowing carousel, spinning in a clockwise motion that seemed like it was twisting forever. Amane wandered around the place, wondering why he standing in front of a lonely ride.

He felt his ears ring and the ground slightly shaking. Amane closed his eyes as he felt the wind blowing against him, then everything stopped.

Amane fluttered his eyes open and saw a girl wearing a different school uniform than theirs. She was around Yashiro's height, he estimated, but nonetheless he never seen this girl before.

In a blink of an eye, she disappeared.

Amane raised his head up immediately from the sleep and panted heavily. Beads of sweat came rolling down from his forehead, his chest rises and then it lowers for a second, and he couldn't breathe properly after that. ‘What was that?’ he thought, drawing his hand near his chest to calm his breathing. ‘Who was that?’

He was sure as hell that he was confused, having a dream about a glowing carousel and a girl wearing a school uniform, whom he had never seen before, whatever that dream was about, he felt goosebumps on his skin. Amane fixed himself, he probably looked like he ran in a marathon and never got to drink water after that. 

“Amane-kun, why do you keep sleeping in class?” Yashiro asked with a stern tone like she was a mother scolding her son for doing something wrong. “You shouldn’t sleep in classes anymore, okay?” she added while handing him her notebook which contains the notes that she took during the lesson.

Yashiro, as one of Amane's friends, was concerned for the boy. She was worried about him, but that doesn't mean the cream haired girl has feelings for the choppy haired guy. Like she said, she isn’t his type. “I’ll try not to sleep in class...” Amane receives the notebook from his female friend. 

“If you sleep again, I won’t lend you my notes anymore.” 

“Okay okay, I won’t sleep next time.” Amane assures her in a sweat dropped expression. “But I make no promises though---”

Yashiro snorted. “By the way---” Amane was interrupted by the school bell beckoning them to go eat their lunch. He sighed, he always gets cut off whenever he says something interesting. The teenage boy slumped his shoulders before going to the rooftop to eat his food.

All alone by himself like he usually does.

Amane was puzzled by the dream he had while he was napping during class. A carousel and a girl he had never seen before, perhaps that it was a lost memory of his or he had actually seen this girl but he doesn't remember her.

He'll figure that out on his own.

The next day felt like any other day. Amane groaned loudly, waking up from his slumber (surprisingly he actually slept) and not wanting to get up from the comfortable bed that he was laying down. He buried his face on one of the pillows. ‘I don't want to wake up, I swear to god.’

“Amane, Amane—”

“What?!” Amane shot his head up and shouted fiercely at his younger twin, Tsukasa who was standing on the door with a towel wrapped around his hips.

“Wake up, we have classes!” Tsukasa reminded him. Amane sighed and slammed his face against the pillow, he felt himself close his eyes to sleep again, until Tsukasa grabbed his face and forcefully removed his brother's face from the pillow. “WAKE UP!”

“I'm up, I'm up!” Amane removed Tsukasa's hands from his face and glared at him. “Jeez, you don't have to scream on my face.” he added while getting off the bed towards the bathroom.

Amane looked into the mirror with half lidded eyes while brushing his teeth, his dark choppy hair was disheveled with few strands of hair slightly sticking out, and his long sleeved shirt that two buttons were unbuttoned where a bit of his chest is showing.

After taking a bath, Amane wrapped a towel around his torso while drying his hair with another towel. He grabbed his uniform that was hanging on the wall and wore it in a speed.

Amane notices that Tsukasa left early which is unusual since he usually leaves early leaving his brother behind. He smiled to himself before heading on to school.

When he arrived, he saw that his classmates are crowded over to his very own desk. Amane pushed his way towards them. “What's going on?” he asked.

“Letters from the other school got recently delivered.” Yashiro answered. “Your pen pal letter is here, and I must say they're very creative.”

Amane felt intrigued all of a sudden, he went to his desk to see the pen pal letter for himself and when he did, his jaw dropped.

A navy blue parcel with constellations around the paper. It was tied by a twine and dried flowers. A smile ghosted upon Amane's lips, the pen pal knew his aesthetics and his love for stars.

He gently grabbed the parcel from his desk and examined it. To Amane's surprise, he saw a tag clipped from the twine, he reads.

[name] [surname].

The name of his new pen pal.

Amane unwrapped the parcel, there's an envelope that was sealed with wax. 'Fancy' he thought to himself as he slightly sticks out his bottom lip. Other than that, there are polaroids and moon stickers, but there is one thing that caught his eye.

A thin book.

Amane picked up the book, it was an astronomy journal that [name] made for him. 'This person must have made a lot of effort, I admire that.'

Amane opened the envelope first, inside was a neatly folded letter, he carefully unfolded it using his fingers.

Hi Amane Yugi-san,

I'm [name] [surname], your pen pal for this quarter! Well I made an astronomy journal since I saw your letter talking about yourself, hope you like it though ヾ(〃^∇^)ﾉ 

After reading the letter, a smile broke down from Amane’s visuals. His pen pal is revealed to be a girl who is a first year highschool student, like him, studying from Sanaol Academy, which is far from Kamome.

Time flew by like a shooting star in a dark blue sky, Amane went home feeling giddy to write his response to [name]. When he got to his room he immediately grabbed a lot of art materials to work on the letter.

Hello [name]-san,

Thanks for the journal, I love the contents inside of it. Anyways, I hope we'll meet someday and talk about the stars together! I have a playlist where you can listen while stargazing hehe~

Amane smiled to himself, resting his cheek to the heel of his palm while writing his letter to [name]. Maybe this pen pal project isn't going to be bad after all.

Meanwhile in [name]'s side, she was sitting on her swivel chair with a cheeky smile on her face while reading Amane's letter. The strands of her hair are falling to her hair, admiring his words.

“[name], dinner's ready!”

“Coming!” [name] grinned before going downstairs to eat dinner with her family.

“The door of my dreams unreal, you from my memories become real”

@closetweebsmh @closetwaffle