#if u want something good u gotta do it urself i guess !!

[stuffeddeer]

hiii! how about ~any bsd characters of your choice~ when they make you cry for the first time during an argument? (maybe they say something mean, weaponize your insecurities, tell you to shut up (yeah, i'm sensitive to this heh), won't listen to you, etc)

yayyy any of my choice!!! that means my faves dazai and nikolai <3 love u anon

cw: intimacy ? "fuck" is used multiple times, u call urself an escort

A soft breath left your lips as you stared at your ceiling. Without even looking at the clock, you were sure it read some time past 12. You had quite a late night, even just the thought causing you to feel tired again. Closing your eyes tightly, you buried your face into your pillow, turning over in bed to do so.

The movement is followed by a deep chuckle from beside you, causing your eyes to snap open in surprise for a moment. There he is: the man who kept you up.

"Oh, you're still here." You spoke before thinking, the words coming out of your mouth as merely an observation.

"Ouch," he smirked, his hand reaching out to gently brush some hair from your face. "Good morning. Or should I say good afternoon, hm?"

"Um, sure. Thanks for last night, I suppose." Is that what he's waiting on? Acknowledgment? You pull the covers further up, making to sure cover as much of your torso as you can.

Your ex boyfriend only smirked, fingers trailing down your body just above the thick blankets. He propped his head up on one hand, elbow sinking slightly into your mattress. The way the afternoon sun danced between his brown curls made you think of last night, and how nice it felt to grip his soft hair once again. The thought makes you sigh, turning away from him to gaze at the ceiling once more.

"Hey, so, um, I gotta get ready. I have plans later..." you trail off, hoping he'll take the hint. Your ex has always been smart, especially socially - he'll understand.

And he does, for the most part, but he doesn't care. "Kicking me out already? The day just started. I thought you'd at least offer me a bowl of cereal before sending me away." His tone is teasing, the same smug smirk sitting prettily on his lips. "What are your plans, then? Anything I can tag along for?"

The incredulous look on your face gives away your confusion. "What..? No. Hey, thanks again for last night, but this is where we part. You got what you wanted, didn't you?"

He pouts at your words before sitting up. "Yeah, fine. I got what I wanted. Didn't realize this was just a fuck for you."

"Are you saying for you this was more?" You asked genuinely.

"No, I just thought it might have been more for you," he replies dismissively. Standing up, he begins pulling on his pants. "Have fun on your date, then."

You nod, unaware of his trap as you reply genuinely. "Thanks, I'll try."

He pauses, one leg in his pant leg and the other hovering just above it. "So you are prepping for a date."

Looking at him curiously, you nod. "Mhm, yeah. I was chatting with someone on Tinder. Figured I shouldn't go running to my ex whenever I need a good fuck."

He scoffs. "You think you can get a good fuck anywhere else?"

"That's what I'm tryna find out. Put on your pants, please."

"I guess it's my fault then, hm?" His eyes narrowed at you, giving nothing away as he remained frustrated and angry.

"...Fault for what?" You were confused, unaware as to what he was hinting at.

Your ex grits his teeth, feeling annoyed at your obliviousness. "For thinking we might actually get back together."

His words left you stunned for a moment, watching in silence he pulled his pants on the rest of the way. With a rather solemn expression, he shook his head in defeat and put his shirt on quickly. "There's my answer, then," he murmured, more to himself than you as he turned to leave.

Anger coursed through your body. How dare he play the hurt victim now? "Hey, fuck you!" You shouted without thinking. What a colossal asshole! "The night I broke up with you, you told me you never even liked me in the first place! And now what, you suddenly wanna 'rekindle what we had?' What did we have, Dazai? Please, enlighten me, because I find myself remembering that our whole relationship was just you talking down to me and treating me like some second-rate escort! I'm sorry for wanting more," you unloaded. Every thought that had been bouncing around in your head moved out of the way as you admitted what had been eating at you during the year of your relationship together. "It was our one year anniversary, you know, when I finally called it quits. Did you even remember?"

He didn't; of course not. You could just tell by his continued silence and the way he glanced away.

Tears brimmed your eyes. The only thing worse than his condescending remarks was the silence. You couldn't stand his quiet behavior, even when you were together - it screamed pity, and that's the last thing you wanted from someone who always knew what to say. "Get the fuck out of my house." You flopped back against your bed, burying your face into a soft pillow for the second time since waking up less than 10 minutes ago.

The sound of his feet pattering away is unheard by you, barely able to hear anything over the ringing in your head. As silently as you can, you sob into your pillow, feeling hurt and used by your stupid ex boyfriend.

Nikolai, in his crusade for emotional freedom, sometimes found himself treating you in a way that was less than ideal. He liked starting arguments with you, “proving” he didn’t love you as much as he clearly did and definitely wasn’t willing to do anything you asked. It was always over small things, like who made dinner (he’d get mad if you made it since he wanted to treat you or get mad that he’d have to make it since he always does) or how you hogged the blankets at night. Because of this, you usually overlooked it — you understand that it’s his way of proving his freedom and it never devolved into anything more.

Until today, that is. You could hardly remember what the argument was originally about, but he just kept pushing…

“Nikolai, I don’t even know what I did wrong.” Tears were starting to gather in your eyes, making them puffy and glazed over. The more he raised his voice, the more you shrunk in on yourself.

“That’s the problem! How could you not know?!” He took a step closer, towering over you with his large frame.

It was almost hard to breathe, panic coursing through your veins as you suddenly pushed him away with every ounce of strength you had. Silence coursed between the two of you, air tense and uncomfortable. Your tears finally spill once you notice how your hands are shaking. Fine, if he wanted to be free, then far be it from you to stop him.

Wiping your cheeks, you weakly reply, “Get out of my apartment.”

The white haired man paused, waiting to see if you meant it. You didn’t, not really, but it’s embarrassing to admit that when you gaze at your fearfully shaking hands. This isn’t how a boyfriend should treat his partner.

“Please, Nikolai…” You’d fold, you always did, so you resorted to begging while you still had the courage.

That courage wavers fully as his hands rested on your hips, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “It’s my fault, baby,” he whispers. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll get you flowers, and we can order your favorite takeout and have a picnic in the living room while watching your favorite movie…” His thumbs brushed the fresh tears away before both hands grabbed yours. “The last thing I want is for my dove to be scared of me, I swear. I love you more than anything, you’re all I want,” he presses soft kisses against your knuckles, “please, just let me stay...”

You fold.

thank you for this bc i have been ITCHING to write for nikolai my wife my girlfriend my lover (I HAVENT WRITTEN FOR HIM B4 SORRY)

[rindough]

also wow i just realized i have like no dreamcore songs except i guess fireflies by spaceouters? dunno who i'd associate that with tbh. i have a BUNCH of indie tho if you're interested

HI ANON and its okay >< not everyone gotta have those songs but i took a listen to fireflies n hmmmmm this song rlly gives me dan heng vibes

like look at his room, the floor tiles, the shelves, the desktop, his bed. dan heng to me comes across as the guy who doesn't sleep early. half the time, if you're up and walking around the cabin, trying to make tea or coffee or just get water, best believe half the time you'll be met with a "why are you still up?" or a "hey"

he'll sometimes invite you to his room where OK LETS IMAGINE his floors can be customized to whatever he wants. so sometimes when you enter his room, it'll be in the shades of blue, dark blue in fact, calm navy waves swirling below you as you take in the cool air that hits your face.

he'll have you wait by the side as he adjusts his pillows and all, then calling you over to sit beside him with your hot drink in hand. you'll talk about those trips that he didn't get to join in, the weird shower thoughts you have, his random thoughts, and sometimes, he'll even share his secrets because he puts his faith in you, much more that he had anticipated.

your talks would go on for hours and hours and it'll just end up being a sleepover. like it'll all start with a

"come, let's lay down and talk, my back's tired."

then suddenly you'll be faced with a soft smile on his face accompanied by half lidded eyes, and a "good morning."

and, you'll be standing in front of March 7 who has a big smile on her face and also a "good morning." already giggling at the sight of the two of you huddled together at the morning's coldness.

another scenario is that when he'll have nightmares of blade haunting him, reminding him of dan feng's sins. if he's ever woken up by those nightmares the night before, the night after he'll have his floors be set to those waves again, or something calming, a relaxing ambient type of setting like rain or the ocean again KSJDHF but! he'll play this song to set his mood before wrapping himself comfortably in his blankets, trying to fall asleep. he'll slowly release the tension around his feet, then legs, letting go of himself in each limb and all the way until he's fallen asleep.

These nights would be somewhat peaceful, ykno sometimes or some ppl, when they've been a night owl for quite some time, and they finally, FINALLY get that 10pm sleep and wake up at 7am??

YEA that's what happens to him during those nights, he'll wake up, feeling even more refreshed and energized, feeling as if he's taken a step forward, ready to start the day again.

btw anonnie, do u wanna set an emoji alias for urself? :OO

[star-quill]

thinking about nascar racer peter, and ur one of the flag girls who he bumps into one day. of course he starts flirting with u and ur absolutely falling for it. he takes u for a drink and kisses u in the cab drive home. follows u to ur apartment and u drag him to ur sofa, letting him lay down before u straddle his lap, leaning down to kiss him again. his hands are on ur waist, slowly pushing upwards under ur shirt. he's mumbling all kinds of praise into ur skin as he kisses down ur neck. he fucks u there on the sofa before u take him to bed and he fucks u there too. then again in the shower before u finally go to bed—properly this time.

u wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking and u find his discarded t-shirt from the night before and slip it on, heading to the kitchen.

"hey.. found some bacon and eggs in the fridge, thought i'd cook u a lil somethin'.."

and that's how it starts—him coming over to ur place, a makeout session on the couch before he fucks u once, twice, sometimes even three times, then the morning after he's cooking u breakfast. it was never official or exclusive between u two but u couldn't help but get jealous, angry even, when u saw him flirting with another flag girl, his hand on her waist as she giggled at his jokes.

he wasn't even urs to begin with but u didn't want to admit that to urself because everything just felt right with him.

u had to tear ur eyes away from him and that flag girl before u actually started tearing up. he saw u out of the corner of his eye and cursed under his breath, running after u. he eventually caught up to u, his hand on ur shoulder.

"hey.. u ok?"

"don't ask me if i'm fucking ok.. what the fuck were u doing?"

"i.. oh.. look i can explain—"

"u fucking better.."

"first of all, we were never exclusive.. and—"

"no.. but i think sleeping with each other almost every night and then u making me breakfast every morning.. that was something, at least it was to me.."

"it.. it was to me too but, shit.. that fucking scared me.. i'm scared that we do go exclusive and people start spouting bullshit, or somethin' happens to me out on that course and we've barely just been together and i'm like.. ripped away from u.."

u could tell he was being sincere and u realised how he felt then. he loved u and he just admitted it without actually saying the words. he wiped ur tears away and held ur face in his hands.

"i.. i just thought if i don't form any real attachments to anyone, nobody's gonna really bother if i flip my car out there and don't come out the other side of it alive."

u stepped closer to him now, ur hands placed on his chest as he started to well up.

"but then u came along and, i-i didn't even mean to like u this much but.. i do, like trust me, i really fucking do.."

u laughed a little then, smiling up at him.

"ur a really good driver y'know.. u'll be fine out there.."

"it happens to the best of us.."

"i believe in u.. it's just u who needs to believe in urself.."

he pulled ur face up to his, kissing u softly. ur hands fisted into his undershirt, giving u flashbacks to every night on ur sofa when u would do the exact same while u straddled his lap. he pulled away after a few seconds and kissed ur forehead afterwards.

"ok.. ok, guess i gotta start believin' in myself then.. for my girl.."

u wrapped ur arms around his shoulders then, letting him lift u up to wrap ur arms around his waist. he held u against him, his arms around ur waist, burying his face into ur neck.

"am i really ur girl?"

"if u wanna be.." he pulled away to look at u, a smirk on his face.

"i do.. i wanna be ur girl.."

"then ur my girl.. forever and always.."

[schizofujoshi]

how did u get so cool. I need instructions please

sure! basically coolness isnt objective, its down to the current state of the individual viewing u. usually it seems like its when u can do something they want for themselves and its so natural its like an essential part of ur life, like a really sick dragon painting could be cool conceptually bc of the power and energy or maybe the artistic prowess it demonstrates that ppl want for themselves. but the thing is basically everyone lives under social norms and feels constrained by them so they're always wishing or looking for authentic expression for themselves in some way. so basically if u just do the shit u earnestly like and/or are good at u will be cool to some group of ppl out there and they will naturally find u the more u do it. sometimes ppl will be weird as fuck about it incl ones in ur life and u just gotta let urself feel whatever u need to feel about it and then let it be their problem. keep pushing forward towards ur own truth anon ur likely already cool as fuck and its likely more ppl think that about u than u would guess

[codes]

hi matthew!! (sitting in ur ask box like this)

i dont really have any enstars thoughts at all but i was curious about something and just wanted to talk to u ^_^

do u think its weird to get close to someone while u have a partner and like ig assuming the new friend is the same gender as ur so? its a hypothetical and like my irls were discussing it and most of em thought it was weird but i dont know. im not very knowledgeable about relationships so im just curious about your input anyhow.

mm also i like seeing u around! it sounds like things arent the best rn but im hoping these new changes might open the path to more good things in the future

hi lab!! pets ur lil mammalian head w one gentle finger

what in the. no its not weird, i promise. if by close you just mean that you talk to each other often then its fine. i have had friends come to me w the same worries bc their partner "acts different w this other person and they seemed unnaturally close" but relationships require trust on both ends and we're very prone to overthinking the tiniest things. you should always be open w ur partner on ur feelings and emotional state but being close to someone else is not a crime in itself and i dont see a reason for restricting who ur partner talks to, esp if its a restriction you wouldnt place on urself. i guess there is such a thing as "emotionally cheating" but thats something completely different and implies a lot more than just "being close." not all situations r the same tho but for the most part its fine if ur partner is friends w someone of the same gender as u (and if they knew that person before meeting you then its even more natural).

its definitely a tough call to make tho, relationships r tough. thats why single life is the better life #TRUTH.

and hehe things r up and down for me but for the most part its manageable! its a lot better than in the past for sure. gotta take things one step at a time and deal w things as they come. hope ur doing well too lab!!

[itsjaywalkers]

I am thinking about writing my first fic about regulus having selective mutism and James learning sign language for the pretty boy in the library, it feels kinda out there I guess. Buuut do you have any tips for beginners starting to write?

oh that sounds so sweet and lovely nonnie, i love the idea and u definitely should go for it, especially if ur passionate about it!!

and i always feel . kinda flattered when u guys ask me for writing tips but also . a bit like an imposter bc i'm definitely not the right person for this😭

my advice is that u try to not beat urself up over it being perfect, it's better to get it done first and then u can edit it to ur heart's content!! also if ur anything like me u might get stuck on the beginning bc u just can't get it right so just . forget about it . write whatever or leave it incomplete and u can go back to it once you've written for a while and you've figured out the tone and the pov(s) and u know how u want it to go. AND don't wait for inspiration to strike, it usually doesn't come as often as one would like, and sure, writing is supposed to be fun and it IS a hobby but sometimes . sometimes u gotta push yourself a little and sit down to write even when ur feeling lazy or not really in the mood. and this last one isn't strictly necessary, but i recommend u have an outline of the whole story, even if it's something rough and brief, to avoid writer's block + it's also good to know how the story is gonna end. it's okay if ur not sure about the middle, or even the beginning, u can figure that out as u write, but the ending is . vital . at least to me

hope this helped nonnie, even if only a little, and i wish u the best of luck with this story and all ur writing endeavours <3

[kofetalesnbpdchaos-leoreaper]

Parents, Kids, Ages & Life…?

My 1 main problem with people having kids in general… is that they may not be good parents at ALL!!

The other shit that scares me the most— & IS perhaps harder to see or understand .

Is that being a 23 yr old to parents in their 60s is a living nightmare!

Ofc I don’t mind folks having kids @ the age my parents did… or their mid 40s etc—

The only shit that disturbs me the most is….

Well? IF you had boomers who u now, as an adult would see how fucked they was raising u…

And see how much they still affecting— they’d move on to do some healing shit!!

I’m sooo sorry, but like I am DONE. Trying to work on myself when I can’t handle shit @ home.

NO, I’m not gonna stop ppl from birthing later in life…. But I just want ALL of the parents out there…….

To really work on urselves in the now, & I hope you can try to manage while with kids later on.. :/

I don’t care bout how much my parents “did the best they could”!! I’m in my early 20s, & these bastards don’t have decades left cuz they old as hell!

I feel like a bad person, cuz I feel like I was supposed to continuously die just to stay in contact with dad.

He’s a real BIGG assed trigger for me lmfao. I get something from him? I have an episode & feelings of all sorts.

Don’t even tell me why I shouldn’t still work shit out… cuz I was abused / still being abused.

What if feels like is ppl shouting at me while I’m lying there in a pool of blood , battered & harmed.

And WHOO the hell said I had to be physically harmed to show proof?!

All of my god damned it “disorders” the “illnesses” 🙄🫥🖕🏼 R a good show.

I didn’t develop shit out of fucking thin air like?!?!?!

Anyways, I got gaslit , guilt trippie’d & other shit like “oh but they’re ur parents”.

Don’t ever talk shit to me bout ANYYTHING, cuz u don’t even KNOW how much I am grieving over shit that I can NEVER have!!

Yeah, BITCH! It’s not ever “too late”…. But it is for ME, cuz I still haven’t fully cut off contacts.

Watch me! Once i do dat then maybe with whatever time we gotten left.

Orrrr I may be left with a death bed confessions….

OR the bloody “bitter to the ends of the Earth”… — it means I will never be acknowledged lmfao bye! :’3

Either ways lol. Nobody gets it , not unless you truly yearn & force urself to not slip into thinking:

“Ohhh my gods! I think we can/do haves a connection!” — the happinesses ain’t shit & don’t last when majority of the crap is horrors, lo.

I guess I… jus gotta feel like absolutely shitty either ways. I love u too, to the ppl who wanna destroy me & remind me of alll the reasons why I hate myself . As a daughter , as a child. 🖕🏼 fuck humanity, fuck poor parenting too! Fuck ppl who can’t tell abuse either lolololo~~ :’>

— Lena Eclipse Reaper; L.E.O REAPER.

[chelleztjs18]

Haha gotta change up the nickname 😅

Yeah, usually if we're not busy, I'd be on my phone either on here reading and asking you questions, or on tiktok. Sometimes I play on my switch lite or do crossword puzzles. It gets really slow after 5 pm.

Things happen for a reason and at least we're still friends and talk so that's always a good thing to me. I think even if it didn't work out, I am glad that she is still part of my life somehow.

I kind of regret not telling her how I feel but at the same time I think it was a good choice not saying anything because she is straight 😅

You never had a tamagotchi before? You should get one for Christmas hahaha!

I dream most of the time. I never understand them though, and sometimes when I wake up, I don't remember any of it at all. This will sound crazy, but I want to believe that dreams are the windows to a multiverse 😅

Anyways, right now I am just playing on the switch and thinking of last minute items I need to get for Thursday. What about you?

Do you think you have a toxic trait?

-CuriousGeorge

Hahahha yeah true.. gotta changed up the nickname since i wont be sick anymore soon.lol.

Ah i see. Do u work from home since day one u started work or it's like this since covid?

I agree with u about u n ur ex.. it's a good way to look at it. I always try to find the silver lining to anything bad that happen to me even though sometimes hard. I always think that everything happen for a reason.

Ah i see, the type of crush is the hardest, so i've heard. 😁

Haha get a tamagochi for me? Nah, im too old for that. Lol. Do u always know what gift u want for ur self for bday or christmas? Do u buy gift to urself sometimes?

If yeah, what do u want for christmas this year?

Ah i see.. i mostly forgot my dream or not dream at all. Lol. Ouh multiverse, that might be true. I dont know. I hv heard before,people say that people who always dream flying around are actually their spirit is flying around, sometimes to the past or to a real place in the present. I hv met a person or two that dreams like that.

Wanna hear something crazy about my dream yeaaaaars ago? U can believe it or not. It's up to u. When i was like 17 or 18, which i never know that i would ever moved to U.S, i had 2 dreams that kinda "connected" to each other.

First one, so i was actually IN my dream as if i live on it. All of a sudden i felt weird with my stomach n turns out i was pregnant, i felt the pain n the uncomfortable feeling from the pregnancy, n when i try to find out where i am, i was with my friend in the U.S because i saw like a california license plate ( which i never know how it looks like), i walked so hard because of my belly. The dream was short n weird. N it just black out all of sudden when i get into the car n the dream ends.

Second, all of a sudden i was in my childhood house that my parent already sold. But all the furniture r still there n in the dream the house was still ours. I was looking if anybody there n then a little girl came up to me, n hug my legs call me Mama mama. I freaked out, she has wavy brown hair. N she looks like a mixed race girl. I was like where's ur dad, n she said over there with grandma. N i saw a tall white guy talks to my mom but his face was blurred n he said "hey hunnie".

So long story short i found out from my mom that he is my husband n she is my daughter. She even told me my daughter name n i saw her face. But whn i woke up, i forgot her name n her face. I only remember the voice n hair n her body feature n his body featurs.

And i kid you not, im swear im not joking. My husband is the same height n has the same haircut, same voice calling me with the same petnames. N my daughter's hair is wavy brown hair with the same voice n height just like how she is now n i live in the U.S. lol.. My mind is still blown until now. But really, u dont have to believe this. 😆

Toxic trait to myself? Yes i do i guess. I overthink butwhen i overthink i try not to express it but i do want to, so it drives me crazy a lot n hurts my feelings a lot. I overthink that i might say something wrong or do something wrong to people thsts why they dont reply or talk to me, or something. Stuff like that. I got attached pretty easy in a way if i like or adore someone i will not hesitate to do anything i could to help them or be there for them. But then i thought maybe i was too much or maybe people avoid me because of that n then i overthink..same circle of evil.hahaha.

Whats urs? Also im talkong with u right now n my other friends here, also brainstorming while watching one of my favorite fantasy movie The Huntsman: winter's war.

Sorry this answer is too long.

Cheerio!

[pinkpicket]

What is blocking your success?

Mfs be ready for typos bc I haven't reviewed this 🤡

Choose an image starting with pile 1 to 6 from left to right.

Pile 1

Wow okay so remember how the society and capitalism constantly screams in our fuvking face telling us the reason why we're not successful? How u don't work hard enough? How u should actually be waking up at 3am to hustle bc that's how billionaires do it? Well that's fucking bullshit so get that shit out of ur mind. U genuinely think bill gates and ms kylie jenner hustled day and night to get $7.25 an hour? No baby they did not. So leave that mindset, it's stupid and it's literally damaging u. My advice would be to actually relax and spoil urself instead of shitting on urself for needing 9 hours of sleep. Baby i will be honest with u, as long as u treat urself harshly the universe will treat u the same. So give urself some love and relax, u deserve it.

Pile 2

Ya u need to stop thinking about relationships and dating and actually start planning and shit bc guess what? Shit needs planning it dont just happen out of thin air. So sit ur ass down and write down a plan and change the plan 74747 if that's what it takes for it to work out.

Pile 3

Communication. Baby u really lack the ability to properly communicate and persuade others. Trust me i get where u r coming from, people are fucking annoying but in this society we have to basically learn to stfu at times and not be honest bc truly that's what everyone does. So keep ur thoughts to urself and form relationships on a superficial level ( be detached ) just so u can progress in ur life and career. Remember people's ego are fragile so dont fuvk up ur life with being unnecessarily harsh and honest with ur words, be diplomatic and suger coat that shit till it turns so sweet they get hooked.

Pile 4

Whatever direction ur heading toward rn holds no success. So u wanna be the hermit and find urself? That's great but in this fucked up capitalistic society that wont bring u success. I genuinely hate to say this but spirituality is not possible with success ( materially and career wise at least) for you ( this is just for u bc others actually require to be spiritual to be successful). Also it's time for u associate and talk to people more, being an introvert is a big disadvantage for you, so go out, make friends and soon u will find success. Group work will bring you success.

Pile 5

Enough of planning, it's time to work. Dont just sit around and expect great shit to happen only bc u manifested it ( remember saturn rules everything material in this world, so if u want a successful career with good money, u gotta go by saturn's rules which are being disciplined and hard work) dont relay on shit that people from tiktok snd tumblr tell u to do "all u have to do is manifest by this technique" and not do shit?? Baby that's not how real life works. U work and u get what u deserve ( at least for u this is like this, hell manifestation might work for others but for u i see this as a different case)

Pile 6

Baby ur tired and i know, i truly see u worked hard and nothing happened. It's like all that hard work was wasted but relax now bc something big is coming. Baby u r getting what u deserve, idk when but it will come. Honestly im genuinely soo happy bc u truly deserve this. So what's blocking ur success? Nothing. Whatever it is, it will come at the right time.

Okay bye uglies. Hope u liked this NOW FOLLOW ME BC IM LITERALLY SO HELPFUL AND PRETTY 🥰💕

[ayyezhongli]

dom student council pres zhongli x troublemaker childe

Guess who’s back :D Back with some zhonchi smut for all u sinners. Note: Theres a lot of spelling errors bc when i wrote this i was telling it to a friend n they said i should post this n i’m too lazy to edit it so yeah! enjoy <3

summary kinda: child did something n is now stuck in detention with zhongli being a kinky president of the student council watching him.

so childe is bored asf n tries seducing zhongli. but childe has always had a crush on zhongli. thats why he misbehaves to get his attention.

so zhongli says “ur here again” n sighs

“yup did you miss me?! dont answer that bc ik you did”

n zhongli sighs again all annoyed n shit

“seems you never learn”

“maybe i’m jus here bc i love n want to see you everyday”

n zhongli taking that as sarcasm rolls his eyes

“i doubt that.”

and so for like 30mins childe is making all these noises to get zhongli’s attention and annoy him which it works. and zhongli having enough of it already decides that he needs to be punished. so he gets up n walks over to the desk childe is sitting at cups his face with his hand grinning

“u rly like to get on my nerves dont you~…..” and childe’s tryna contain himself

“is it working~?”

“idk pretty boy….wanna find out for urself~…..”

n zhongli is like inches away from childe’s face. n childe still keeping his composure decides to tease back hoping to get what he’s longed for for so long.

“idk do i~?….”

and zhongli leans in n jus as hes abt to kiss childe he pulls away and walks back over to the teachers desk and childe is really disappointed bc he thought he finally had it but jus lost it. so zhongli goes back to working on his paperwork while childe is just furious.

”Is this how u treat everyone?! tease them and leave them with nothing. take advantage of us!!”

n zhongli bursts out laughing putting his papers in a neat stack

”ur quite interesting childe, if i said it was jus u would that make u feel better??”

and childe huffs rolling his eyes still rly pissed off.

“did u want more? were you expecting something more from me? something else?”

n childe blushing looks away

“fuck off”

n zhongli gets mad at the response and pulls out one of those long ass rulers n gets up n starts walking to childe.

“thats no way to speak to the student council president. you need to be punished”

so zhongli sets the ruler aside still pissed asf

“get up.” childe ignores.

”get up right now.” childe still ignores.

so zhongli grabs the ruler smacking it against the desk childe is at.

“GET UP RIGHT NOW!”

n childe jumps a little and gets up

“ok ok chill”

so childe walks over to zhongli n stands in front of him.

“im gonna punish n force you into submission until u completely submit to me”

childe laughs

“no way. you really think u can do that? just try”

“oh i will. just watch me”

(a/n: in this fic childe has bright pink sensitive nipples bc ughh 😩🤌🏾 well both of them have bright pink nipples but zhonglis r rly sensitive.)

so zhongli turns childe around n starts grinding against him causing childe to moan ever so slightly.

“do u like that~?”

n childe tryna keep his composure laughs to cover up a moan. n zhongli looks down and grins seeing childe’s hard erection through his clothes.

so zhongli reaches down n starts palming childe causing slightly louder moans to come out of his mouth.

“your so hard for me childe….what a naughty slutty little boy~“

childe loses it bc zhongli is finally saying the things he’s been dreaming of him saying. so zhongli amused starts licking the shell of his ear biting and nibbling it which makes childe blush harder. so zhongli reaches his hand down into childe’s pants and boxers and wraps his hand around childe’s dick which he almost cums. so zhongli starts pumping him n not even 30s he throws his head back on zhonglis shoulder n cums letting out a loud moan

“fuck zhongli~…..”

zhongli smirks very amused

“so quick to cum~ do i rly turn u on that much~?”

n childe fights the urge to nod his head and submit. he’s not going down without a fight.

“no i was just pent up. why would i be for someone like you!!”

zhongli snickers and slides his hands up childes shirt n starts taking it off.

“not submitting yet i see~….”

“did u think it would be that easy asshole? ha!”

so zhongli turns childe around.

“you should just give up now! your not go-“

n zhongli interrupts him with a passionate kiss. a long deep one filled with sexual tension n desire. he leaves childe blushing like crazy and gasping for air.

“what was that? i didnt catch the last part, say that again.”

“i said that i’m never gonna sub-“

n zhongli interrupts him again. same thing happens like 2 more times until childe gives up.

“can u repeat that one more time?”

and childe looks away with a annoyed expression on his face

“glad that shut u up~”

so then zhongli looks childe up and down bites his lip causing childe to blush.

“you’re kinda cute…i think i can use u….”

n childe blushes more

“and these nipples….”

zhongli says while pinching them making childe arch his back and moan loudly.

“they look pink and innocent…but when i pinch n twist them like this…”

childe lets out n even louder moan with a face flushed even more n drool running down the side of his mouth

“….you make such naughty noises and that really turns me on.”

and so zhongli continues pinch n play with them and then starts marking his neck.

“what if i made u mine hmm? my little fuck toy? or how abt pet?? you could be of some use to me….”

and all childe can do is whimper. so zhongli has him bend over on the teachers desk and pulls down childe’s pants. and he like squeezes childes plump round ass and caresses it before grabbing the ruler and spanking him with it which causes childe to moan n cum immediately.

“ur such a slutty masochist”

n childe groans n is like stuttering his words

“w-w-well ur so fucking sadis-“

n zhongli spanks him not with the ruler this time but his hand n childe jus looses it.

“ready to submit….?”

n childe tryna keep the ounce of pride he has left shakes his head.

“no!”

zhongli spanks him again.

“how abt now?”

“No!”

n so zhongli gets an idea n sticks his fingers inside childe’s mouth.

“suck”

childe does so n a minute later zhongli pulls them out.

“what are you gonna d- ahh!”

and zhongli’s fingers are wiggling around inside childe tryna get him prepared. childe has just completely lost it. he’s drooling all over the desk, moaning so loudly that if there was people here they would be able to hear, clinging onto the edge of the desk like his life is on the line.

“f-fuck zhongli…ahhh”

he’s a panting slutty mess. a fee mins later zhongli pulls his fingers out n takes off his own pants and boxers lining himself up to childes entrance. he inserts only the tip of his dick causing childe to go even more crazy if thats even possible n moan so fucking loud. but its been long enough. he wants more. more of zhongli inside him. he wants all. all of zhongli inside him. so he whimpers n cries out zhongli’s name.

“whats the problem sweetheart?”

zhongli says grinning from ear to ear.

“pls..”

childe says desperately

“pls what?”

”pls zhongli i-….”

“you…? gotta tell me what u want otherwise i wont know.”

“pls i want more of u….!!”

“beg for more than.”

“Zhongli pls i want ur cock inside me so bad. pls i’ll do anything!! just fuck me already!!”

“anything…?”

zhongli says slipping half way inside him.

“y-y-yes just pls fuck me!!”

n zhongli, a very satisfied man jus starts pounding into him hitting his g spot every time.

“Fuck! fuck! fuck! FUCK! ZHONGLI PLS SLOW DOWN AHH~!!”

n that only makes zhongli speed up and childe cums like multiple times. after a while, giving a few last thrusts zhongli comes for the second time inside childe. and pulls out while childe just drops to the floor completely unable to move or anything. jus a panting blushing hot slutty mess with zhongli’s cum dripping out of him. all pride lost. pulling his pants and boxers back on zhongli lifts him up to his feet and bc childe has no strength he just falls onto zhongli resting his head on his shoulder.

“now that you’ve completely submit to me, ur all mine~….mine to do whatever i pls with. mine and only mine. No one else….”

and childe jus nods groaning bc of the pain.

”i hope u learned ur lesson now. unless…. you wanna comeback again for another visit…”

n childe jus groans again.

“i see the way you look at me childe….a look filled with lust and desire…its really quite a turn on~….. you look so desperately….so needy….so vulnerable…the amount of times i wanted to bend you over and fuck u so hard until you cant walk is too much to count. i wanted to make you mine so no one else could have that innocent slutty little boy who’s just oozing with sexual desire. any man or woman would get turned on n wanna have there way with you. u needed to be protected and only by me.”

so zhongli grinds his teeth bc of how possessive he is.

“so no one but me can fuck u stupid. and now that ur finally mine…i dont have to worry abt it so much as before”

n so zhongli strokes childe’s hair n plants a kiss on his head.

“you’re my precious little play thing.”

and childe, burying his face into zhongli’s chest smiles bc thats all he ever wanted. and then he looks up at zhongli as zhongli looks down at him smiling.

“zhongli…?”

”yes?”

“if all u said was true….why were u such an asshole to me. you were stricter on me than others, ruder to me than others, tougher on me then others….so why?”

“why?”

zhongli chuckles n childe nods

“to keep a good reputation, but i also wanted to push you, everytime u got angry and gave me attitude it only turned me on. which is why i kept going….does that answer ur question?”

n childe grunts

“u sadistic fuck!”

n zhongli laughs

“says the one who got turned on every time i public humiliated or yelled at you….”

“thats not true!!”

“uh-huh…the sexual energy u admit would become stronger and i could hear your breathing getting heavier with breathy tiny moans and u would always part ur lips slightly and rub ur thighs together and on top of that, ur eyes squint ever so slightly.”

childe was speechless bc this whole time he thought he was being slick.

“w-w-well that doesnt matter!”

childe said huffing and zhongli only chuckled and kissed his head.

“hey childe…”

“what!”

“i love you….”

childe was blushing like crazy. never in a million years did he think zhongli would say that.

“you can’t just go randomly saying those things?!!”

childe said burying his face deeper into zhonglis chest.

“b-but i love you too i guess…”

he mumbled and zhongli smirked.

“look at me.”

childe looked up into zhonglis ambers eyes embarrassed asf.

“wh-wh-what is it?”

“you’re really cute yk.”

n zhongli leaned down slightly and kissed him before he could say anything else. the end :)

thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed even though its formatted weird and kinda sorta a story. 🥰

[miserysfirst-blog]

hey uh . . .

i have work off this weekend and the house to myself tonight and i’m gonna finally get to work on that horror OC and i’m really excited !!! 

[h2bakugou]

Hello! Could I please get a soft shiggy x fem!reader? Basically the reader is like god dammit why aren’t u taking care of urself? And basically gives him a lil homemade spa day! I think it’d be really cute! It can be fluff or smut, whatever you prefer!

a/n: hii!! of course!! i kept this kinda fluffy, posting a day later but happy birthday shiggy baby

summary: the constant state that shigaraki stays in while running the league is certainly an interesting one, but you can’t bear watching him not take care of himself. so you arrange a day to do just that

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff, mentions of not eating, mentions of anxiety, a few mentions of nudity but nothing sexual

word count: 2.2k (okay pop awf-)

;cut for length;

»»————-　★　————-««

»»————-　★　————-««

The prominent dark circles under Shigaraki’s eyes were a clear indication that he had been up all night again. Even while he sat in the bed beside you, playing a game on some handheld console, you could tell he hadn’t been to sleep at all in the past twenty-four hours.

Trying to ignore the soft sounds coming from his game, you cuddled up to him anyway, slinging an arm under on of his, resting your hand back up on his shoulder, your grasp resembling that of a backpack strap.

“What are you playing?” You mumbled quietly, your eyes just barely peeking over his arm, the screen illuminated a little too brightly for your comfort.

“Some weird RPG I downloaded from a forum. It’s stupid.” Shigaraki quickly turned the game console off and set it on the night stand, turning over to look at you.

“You look tired, did you not sleep good last night?” You ask, reaching a delicate hand up to caress his cheek, thumb carefully grazing over the top his cheek. You pull him in for a delicate kiss, just barely touching his lips.

You were still half-asleep, but you could tell Shigaraki wasn’t taking care of himself again. He had these spells, usually around the time when the League wasn’t doing much, plotting or just moving around, he wouldn’t sleep, he’d barely eat-his excuse would be he forgot, but you knew he was anxious.

Anxious for what was to come. He was a good leader, and he was strong, probably stronger than you were, but that didn’t matter. You were worried about him.

You couldn’t stand seeing those dark circles under his eyes, of hearing his tummy rumble when you lay next to him. It seemed the scratching on his neck would worsen as well, raw skin peeking through under the already cracked and dry skin he itched at for what felt like hours.

“Didn’t sleep.” He replied quietly. He knew you were about to scold him. He could read it all over your face as you pouted, pulling him into you.

“You could’ve woke me up, and we could’ve done something to help you fall asleep.” You sit up, ushering him to lay in your lap. As he does so, you take one look at his hair and inwardly cringe.

It’s a knotted mess, and no matter how much you wanted to run your fingers through it, you probably wouldn’t even get halfway before having to brush your fingers out of there with a hair brush. Or worse, cut them out.

“Didn’t wanna bug you.” Shigaraki seemed cold. His responses were dry. You heaved a sigh and pushed him up by his shoulders. Slinking out of the bed, you walked around to his side and tugged him out, pulling him over to the bathroom by his arms.

“How many times have I told you I don’t mind.” You sigh as you set him down on he toilet lid, watching as he just nods, hanging his head as you turn on the water for the bath.

Allowing it to warm up, you turn back to him and tug at his shirt.

“Arms up.” You speak softly, proceeding to take his shirt off as he lifts his arms up.

“When did you get this!?” You’re visibly and audibly worried as you spot a rather large bruise on his side. It looked like it hurt.

“Last fight.” Shigaraki sighed and glanced up at you.

“What are you doing?” His lips were fitted in a thin line, his eyelids were barely open, probably to heavy to even try.

“I’m going to help you relax. Look, your shoulders are so tense you can’t even relax them!” You went to touch his shoulders and just as you had stated, the muscles felt locked and telling by the hissing from Shigaraki, they were painful to move and touch.

“Alright alright! Just, am I taking a bath?” He questioned. You nodded and stepped aside, allowing him to undress the rest of the way before getting into the tub, his lips parting as he sat down, the warm water already making him feel slightly better.

Taking a cup you’d left in the bathroom from dumping out some soda, you rinsed it quickly under the sink, making sure it wasn’t sticky, and then brought it over to the tub where you scooped up some water and poured it over Shigaraki’s hair.

Once it was wet enough to lather some shampoo in, you allowed him to lean back as you worked your fingers through his locks. Unknotting his hair and washing it was a bit difficult, but taking your time, you made sure every strand of his hair was clean.

Your fingers worked their way back up to his scalp where you massaged for quite a few minutes, both to try and remove any built up dirt and dandruff and to give him a bit of a massage.

Shigaraki was almost purring in satisfaction as you finally dragged your hands away, reaching for the cup to rinse his hair. It didn’t take you long to rinse out all the suds before getting started on the conditioner.

“Thank you.” Shigaraki mumbled, holding his knees to his chest, his head dipped back so you could wash his hair easier.

“Of course. I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself again, I know you don’t mean too, but I can’t help but notice.” You sigh, running the pleasant-smelling conditioner through his white locks.

“You have these weird spells. I understand though, how you feel. It’s not easy being the leader, I can’t imagine the stress you feel, but you’ve got to take care of yourself. It’s important. You gotta be strong for the league, and for yourself.” You know Shigaraki, a little more than everyone else in the league does.

You’re dating him for peat’s sake. But Shigaraki became standoffish, grumpy, and even distant during these spells. There was nothing to do. Besides maybe make up a plan for a little something just to do something.

He was anxious about the little things. About how the league looked to the public. About how long they had stayed in one location. About how long it had been since their last big attack.

He needed to get back to league business, but there needed to be time, a good plan, an opening, the forces to attack, all of it needed to be planned with pinpoint accuracy, and those things took time.

“I love you, a whole bunch.” You lean over and kiss his cheek, smiling as his cheeks burn red.

You lather up a loofa with some nice scented soap and begin to wash his back and shoulders, down his arms and a little on his neck.

You’re extra careful around his neck and try not to get any of the scented soap on his raw skin. You know it hurts, and it’ll sting when water washes over it, but you’ll have to take extra good care of that spot later.

When you’re finished washing him, you drain the water and let him stand up, switching the bath to a shower and you begin to rinse him off.

It feels so domestic, these few minutes. The way you laugh and giggle when you tell him to lift his arms and spin and then call yourself some sort of car wash as you spray the warm water over him.

“You’re making a mess.” Shigaraki states at the various puddles of water on the bathroom floor. You sigh and finally help him rinse his conditioned hair out, asking him to hold the shower head for you while you run your fingers through his hair and ring out all the suds.

After the shower, you let him stand and air dry why you go and retrieve a towel. Upon walking in, he’s turned away from you, so you decide to pinch his butt, playfully of course.

Shigaraki just turns and glares at you, taking the towel from you as you giggle.

“I touched the butt.” You laugh as you leave the bathroom, letting him dry off. While he does so, you search around for a pair of boxers to hand him as well as a comfy t-shirt to put on after you give him a nice back massage.

Handing him his underwear, you look away and decide to make the bed quickly while he gets partially dressed.

“Where’s my shirt?” He questions. You turn and for a few seconds, you’re flustered. There’s Shigaraki, hair dripping wet and running down his toned chest, right down to the waist band of his black boxers. The towel you’d given him is lazily tossed over one shoulder, and he looks like some sort of actor out of a terrible romance movie.

Too entranced by his looks, you quickly shake your head, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. You pat the freshly made bed.

“Back massage.” You blurt out kneeling on the bed, waiting for him to lay down.

“Flustered?” Shigaraki stands beside the bed, a finger under your chin as you look up at him. You lean up and kiss his lips, smiling as you pull away.

“Well when you look that good can you blame me?” You tease, waiting as he lays down on the bed like you had motioned for.

“I guess not.” He replies.

Laying his head over his folded arms, his chest is against the bed. You move to sit over his butt as you look at his back. Still a little damp from the shower, you take the towel that had been tossed on the bed and dry it off, running it through his wet locks a bit.

Tossing it down onto the floor, too unbothered about it leaving a wet-mark on the carpet, You squirt some lotion into your hand and delicately begin to rub it into his back, carefully drawing your fingers across his skin, massaging it up over his shoulders.

Your fingers work magic as you relieve his tension, working at his shoulders carefully and strategically, undoing any knots that had formed.

Shigaraki’s eyes are closed, and small hums of satisfaction spill from his mouth as you do so.

You spend minutes massaging his back, quietly and gently working lotion into his skin. And when you’re finished, you ask him to sit up and face you. He puts on a shirt and you ask for his hands.

He’s skeptical but allows you to see one. You carefully apply some lotion to your hand and begin to massage it in, working down each one of his fingers before gently massaging his palm.

He stares at you in admiration as you seem un-phased by his hands, or the fact that he could kill you with them if you messed up. You don’t even look anxious, or worried about them.

And when you switch to his other hand, you continue, even when his fingers twitch. You just smile and kiss the back of his hand when you’re done, complementing the way he looks.

Interlocking your hands with his, Shigaraki’s eyes go wide.

“Careful!” He speaks up, falling into you as you tug him back.

He’s laying on top of you as you lay under him, smiling up at him.

“I can handle myself, don’t worry. Now come here.” You wrap your arms and legs around him, clinging to him like a sloth. You can’t help but giggle as he turns over, allowing you to be on top of him.

“You’re so stupid.” Shigaraki sighs, closing his eyes. You brush your nose against his, kissing the tip of his nose before burying your head into the crook of his neck.

“But you love me. And I love you too.” You kiss his neck gently, closing your eyes as you rest against him.

“I do love you.” Shigaraki’s arms are wrapped over your back, holding you down on top of him. He smiles and finally feels how tired he was.

“I’m gonna go make breakfast soon, so take a little nap okay?” You sit up and kiss his forehead.

“I can’t fall asleep without you.” Shigaraki mumbles, holding you tighter.

“This is a bad idea. I’m gonna fall back asleep too.” You mumble reaching for a blanket. Shigaraki helps cover the both of you.

“Guess we’re napping then.” Shigaraki kisses your cheek, nuzzling his head against yours.

“Guess so.” Your words are quiet as you slip back to sleep, peacefully dozing off as Shigaraki does the same.

It’s a bit of a long nap, a couple hours pass. And when you wake up, you make some food for the both of you, eating a big meal while watching a show on Netflix. The day is all about Shigaraki and so cuddles are a must when you’re finished eating.

You switch from basic cuddling to sitting in his lap, to even under his baggy t-shirt, your head poking through the head-hole, your back against his chest.

It’s a long day, but it’s spent with Shigaraki, taking care of him and showing him how much you truly adore him. And he loves it.

And at the end of the night, when you go to bed for real after gaming for an unreal amount of time, he holds you close and kisses the top of your head. You’re tuckered out completely sound asleep as he begins to doze off himself.

He loves you. He really does.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[northern-passage]

hello i hope you are having a good day/night was wanting to ask if you did write any other games before this one or did you publish stories or something,,, i am trying to work on an IF but this is my first time and i do write but i have never published anything i also usually get bored fast and just yeah your story is so so good and you put a lot of effort and work into it just wondering if you have any tips or advice like the thought of publishing something is terrifying and i don’t know if i can do it i just don’t have faith in myself

i have not published anything before this!!!

i worked as an editor in college for our creative writing club/group and do technically have credit for that as we did publish an anthology together but i never submitted anything myself to be published, i just helped behind the scenes.

ive always done a bit of writing here and there for myself, and have had story ideas brewing in my mind but nothing i’ve ever gone out and finished or anything. kinda just writing for myself before this. technically i’ve always been much more of a reader than a writer.....

and like. i worked on the tnp prologue for...hmm.....maybe a month before i published it on the forums? part of that was simply mental illness x LOL i got fixated and it wasn’t healthy and i also already had a lot of the story beforehand because it was going to be a dnd campaign... but that’s not the point. i wrote the prologue and was kinda just sitting with it before biting the bullet and posting it. and i didnt really read a lot of interactive fiction before this last summer. i just happened to follow an artist that was into it and that was how i got introduced to everything and realized it was something i could just do!!! and that it would be a cool way to share a story and get feedback

i published my demo in august and like...whew if u read the first version of the prologue u get a veteran’s discount. it wasn’t BAD but it needed a lot of work. it sucks getting criticisms and that’s definitely...a big thing to get over in the beginning. the mortifying ordeal of sharing ur writing. but it’s helped me A Lot and tnp is only as good as it is because i decided to share it and subject myself to the mortifying ordeal lmao

also getting bored is something that happens! it just does. all creatives get bored with their work sometimes or just move on but it doesnt make u any less of a writer or artist or anything. there’s that one tiktok by ghosthoney....taking a break even if it’s for years doesnt take away from the fact that you’re a creator.

my biggest tips are just. first things first you just gotta go for it. just start writing, even if you don’t publish it. don’t feel like you NEED to publish stuff, especially if you’re not ready, and never feel like you need to ‘rush’ or anything. you have all the time in the world to write at ur own pace. and while i can’t promise u that one day you’ll wake up and just be like “i’m ready” a la spongebob...there will definitely come a day where u just make that jump. that’s what i did

second is try not to compare urself to others too much, especially when it comes to like...numbers? so like word counts, followers, updates, etc. like everyone writes at their own pace and some ppl are fast as hell whereas others take a lot longer and it’s just something that is personal. don’t compare the attention someone else might get to what you get - some ppl just have more vocal audiences than others and it doesnt mean ur any less appreciated. also being on the internet be sure to set ur own boundaries, what ur comfortable with, etc. 

and again...publishing stuff does take courage and you gotta be ready for feedback. some of it will be genuinely helpful...some of it will not. and especially with IF, people might try and pressure you to make things a certain way. that was one thing i wasn’t really expecting? and sometimes as i said suggestions are actually helpful, because you really can’t think of everything on your own and another set of eyes helps round out choices, but there are also some that want things to go in a completely different direction and you got to make sure it’s actually something YOU want, something that fits the story, and not just something you’re doing to please readers.

the tone and setting of tnp and the fact that i have a bit of a more defined mc makes some of the suggestions i get just....not good LOL and you just got be ready to filter that kind of feedback

and with writing to publish, keep in mind that people’s tastes are unpredictable. you can almost never guess how people will react or what they will like, and something not being immediately popular doesn't mean it's bad or you should change the way you're writing, though you will want to keep ur audience in mind. and as for your audience, you may not attract the people you expect, and there’s really no way to control that - but again setting your own boundaries is most important, first and foremost.

posting stuff publicly is really just a wild card. there’s no one universal experience - it’s unpredictable, it’s scary, it’s hard, but it can also be really really rewarding

i also will say i got lucky that about a month and half? maybe? after i published my demo i joined an authors server that has been a HUGE help. i could totally hit u with that if you’re interested!! having a group of authors to talk to that “get it” is very nice. definitely try to interact with and follow other authors you like - in my experience they almost are always down to answer questions and offer help :-)

[oldmagpie]

number 1: readers

Hey guess what, readers don’t owe you their reading time. 

Yeah, that’s true, actually. 

This isn’t a post about ‘oh u gotta write for urself bb it’s healthierTM’ because that’s not always why we write. Don’t get me wrong, it should absolutely be the foundation of why we write. But validation is also important (and addictive), as is feedback. 

But! Just like you’re writing to gain something, whether it be kudos, concrit or just to improve your craft, guess what? Readers are reading to gain something too! They’re reading to escape reality for a while, to read about characters they wished had got together in that show they just watched, to explore backstories they never thought about, to pass the time, to get off, to exorcise some demons, etc. etc. They aren’t paid to read. They aren’t reading your stuff because they like you*. They’re reading it because in the moment they have the time or energy or desire to read, they want to read what you’ve put in your AO3 tags. 

Now, before I go any further let me point out right now: yes, there may be cases where someone does, in fact, read something of yours because they are a fan of your work, or even a friend. Let’s try and keep in mind that that is a gift, not an obligation, and it comes from a place of knowing the person’s work/reputation, and having a good enough relationship (for a given value of relationship, whether it be as a reader who doesn’t interact or a friend you talk to all the time) to both want to in the first place, and also then have the time, motivation and energy.

So, I’m sorry the world works this way, but liking your work doesn’t automatically mean they like you. And if they do like you? Great! Doesn’t mean they owe you their reading time. Learning to deal with that is part of becoming an adult, so good luck, and grow up. 

[guqin-and-flute]

How to Romance a Woman feat. Jin Zixuan [Episode 25]

[TRANSCRIPT BELOW]

(1) LWJ: oh god more straight nonsense is this gonna be like the soup thing? the soup thing was s t u p i d

WWX: the soup thingn was HIGHLY OFFENSIVE omg keep up lan zhan

LWJ: no wei ying it was stupid

WWX: look at him fuckin t a l k i n g and shit the gall

(2) JZX: HEY LOOK! OOZE

JYL: oh. cool…?

(3) JZX: do u like ooze?

JYL: not particularly… but if that’s ur thing that’s…fine i can work with ooze …i think

(4) JZX: that was snake ooze

JYL: Oh. ok is that good? i have no idea

JZX: this place is dangerous af does that turn u on?

(5) JYL: no?? ? that frightens me like a regular person strangely enough wtf wtf wtf

(6) JZX: that’s weird every other girl has liked the dangerous ooze i’ve shown her (guess my mom doesn’t count tho)

(7) JZX: I LIED BEFORE the ooze is fine totally safe definitely not a sign of man eating snakes

JYL: why don’t i feel like that’s true??

(8) JYL: okay?? good? i guess?? …i’m not following

JZX: oh look more ooze

JYL: omg why is he talking about ooze so much?

(9) LWJ: jfc this is worse than the soup

WWX: holy shit he’s bad at this

LWJ: is this just what being straight is? i am physically nauseated

WWX: i’ve seen fish flirt better now i’m hungry i want fish

(10) JZX: wouldn’t it be cool if someone died at one of these? maybe some light maiming

JYL: literally no?? what is h a p p e n i n g

(11) JYL: honey i wanna work with u but you GOTTA give me something pls stop talking about ooze for the love of god

(12) JZX: oh so u hate me u want me dead u want to snap my neck and leave me alone to die slowly in these woods so that’s what ur saying and u’ve been laughing at me this whole time figures

(13) JYL: uh no idea how we got from there to heare i just said i didn’t wanna watch forest based blood sports maybe a dinner? or a nice movie? i’m trying i’m so confused

(14) LWJ: i stg if u prolong this bullshit by leaping down like a caped crusader i will personally end you

WWX: but LAN ZHAN—

LWJ: THE SOUP WEI YING I WON’T REPEAT IT

(15) JZX: SO U DON’T LIKE OOZE AND U DON’T LIKE MURDER WTF DO U LIKE? why isn’t being incredibly haughty WORKING?

(16) JYL: omg what is happening why are we yelling?

JZX: BECAUSE I HAVE LIMITED SOCIAL CONTACT WITH PEOPLE MY AGE CRIPPLING SOCIAL ANXIETY AND A LIFETIME WITHOUT ANY THERAPY TO SPEAK OF NEVERMIND GIRLS SUCK U SMELL

(17) JYL: okay??? guess i’ll go now?? wtf i have literally no idea what’s going on come out to the forest he says i need to talk to you he says do you like ooze he says

(18) JZX: NO PLEASE WAIT I LOVE U

JYL: why am i like this?

Sound coming from offscreen: nyooooooooooo-

(19) Sound coming IN from offscreen: oooooooooooooooom

LWJ (offscreen): wEi YiNg

Random bush/narrator’s note: here he comes, cockblock mcgee

(20) WWX: SURPRISE ASSHOLE

JZX: wtaf

JYL: omg why

WWX: bitchslap for a bitch

JZX: get ur own tragically maladjusted love life

(21) WWX: eat shit and die, skanklord i already HAVE my own tragically maladjusted love life thank you very much

JYL: omg a-xian please he was about to have a coherent THOUGHT

(22) LWJ: i am here now and i cannot begin to describe the agony that causes me

JZX: i’m beginning to think i have problems communicating

JYL: a-xian p l e a s e he’s forming actual sentences i must go to him

WWX: at this point i’m protecting u from urself

LWJ: u are all so terrible at everything

[more brief summaries i suppose]

[scoups4lyfe]

Ok.. so I was unable to post this ask in the new format. So if those previously reached you.. I'm sorry .. now I really want to see a evil vs live fight. Maybe it's in daijis mind or they get separated. Also daijis the secondary rider right? Shouldn't he get an upgrade already? Ikki got many upgrade. Also why do you think Olteca kidnapped George? Again sorry if u got this ask several times. I am not quite sure the other ones which are the same ask reached you though:(

Revice & Intentional Writing Part 6

(The Daiji Analysis)

(TW: Mentions / talks of drug abuse / Suicidal Ideation)

EVIL vs. LIVE: And Why EVIL's Winning:

......nah, anon. I think this is the first I've gotten this kind of ask lol

Hmmmmmm evil vs live fight,,,,,, damn that would be fireeeeee

I think unless Daiji got a lot more assurance from his siblings, or like more love and confidence in himself tho, Evil would def come out as the winner lol

Kagerou,,, at the base of it all is Daiji's coping mechanism for his low self-esteem and enormous amount of self-hate

That's why Kagerou means 'Mirage'. Because Not only does he hide Daiji's actual feelings from others; but he ALSO hides them from himself (Daiji).

(honestly I keep saying 'oncE i poSt thE Ep 4 aNaLysIS' so because I've been clowning I'll just tldr; some stuff here for rn )

Right, I'll also paste in here the conversation I had with Nacho about the layers behind Daiji/Kagerou.

[LAYERS + our convo:]

me:

Like.... how Kagerou's name being Mirage (unless I got this wrong /mixed with a synonym. lmaoo) not only being representative on how Daiji sees himself as evil, because those traits seem to be the ones that stick out the most (evil/live thing) ---- while ALSO representing the fact that Kagerou is acting as a mirage for Daiji's self-hate; so when Kagerou says or doesn't something what he's doing is deflecting the truth with something justtttt close enough

---aka the idea that Daiji hates Ikki because he sees Ikki as an "attention-whore" when in fact its because Daiji hates himself for not being able to help Ikki / do anything himself and how Kagerou not only acts as a mirage to others on Daiji's actual intentions / feelings

(to some extent at least)

But that to Daiji ---he's being a mirage so that Daiji won't have to believe in the things that'll only lead to more self-loathing, things he doesn't want to believe or just can't in order to survive

Nacho:

All good man, you're right on the money, it's mirage. If this helps at all, it specifically means the mirage you see during severe heat, like a heat haze.

Me (reacting to the more specific meaning of Kagerou's name):

"Ooooooo. Fvcked cause those kind of mirages are made by the mind as something you wish was true...... so Daiji's thing with Ikki and the stuff that Kagerou says (to Ikki, about Ikki, just in general I guess), all being things Daiji WISHES were actually the case.

But y'know these mirages are always fake --- so its not just Daiji seeing the mirage, but also others seeing this mirage --So again, just shows that all the things they were seeing was actually just something fake.

And then, went off on an Ikki sidenote (lol)

"-yo sidenote, tell me if Im whackin in thinking this -- but sometimes the mom will say stuff to Ikki and I'm like 🤪🤪🤪. Like she says stuff about him.... not being empathetic enough, or something about how not everyone is strong and until he understands that he'll "forever be half a man"

Nacho:

LOL that's def a combination of Asian sexism and the classic single mom thing of "you're the man of the house" to their 5-year old son

Me:

"wayyy back when the episode originally aired I was like, "yeahhh mama san is RIGHT Ikki you gotta get ahold of urself" and now I'm like "Mama-san.....stop saying this to Ikki"

Nacho:

I've said before, like ages ago, about the whole thing of Papa-san being the goofball of his family of origin as a coping mechanism, and then it snowballing into his family as an adult not seeing him as reliable.

So it's basically like they have an absentee father in a way. Not completely, but they don't really see him as a parental role. That honor goes to Ikki of course "<33"

I mean Ikki did need a wakeup call...but so do the parents LOL.

Me:

oh exactly man like half the time I feel like the mom just says things

Nacho:

I get her. She says nonsense same reason Daiji does tbh. Gotta stay blind to keep functioning and not have a mental breakdown.

Like you said before. Y'know, you wanna BELIEVE Ikki's problems are easily fixable "hey just grit your teeth and get more empathy kid" and that your advice MEANS something, bc it means you have worth as a mother. Nvm that you never hold the dad accountable and delegated parenting to your eldest (plus sexism for your daughter blah blah blah). Anyways, if you keep believing that Ikki doesn't have issues that are your fault, never have to realize your mess-ups

It's basically Daiji and his heat haze LOL

Mama-san too must feel a lot of societal pressure to be a mother. She can't let herself realize her mistakes 'cuz that would really crush any self-worth she had. What's the use of a woman who can't find a good husband and be the perfect mother?

Me:

I'll never be over ep 9 of Revice. Everyone and their brother (hah) were literally driving Ikki into a mental breakdown. Like they were out there trying to speedrun it, and placing bets. Sakura getting mad at iKKi oooop. That one actually gets me.....mostly because she'd never been mad with him. and the stuff she said was just .....my Gosh---just shoot him man. With a gun. It would be more humane.

LOL...her whole "iKKi wHAT abOUT YOu??? WhERe dID Your NOSY-neSs go? HUh????"

Nacho: Oh Sakura, lights are almost never on in her mind.

Me:

I mean. I get it He's been the fix-er. The man of the house. The overparenting parent. He's not allowed to have mental breakdowns.

She's probably never seen him in that state before. So how dare he be like this when Daiji nEEdS hIM THe mosT

NACHO:

Yeah. It's literally the crumbling moment of becoming an adult. Realizing your parents are flawed and aren't superheroes And we all know Sakura's coping mechanism is to blow up a bit,

Nacho: See, like this is what I mean. Nobody ever apologizes for the right things

Me:

Yeahhhh.....see, originally I had this some problem with Ikki's apology to Daiji in ep 10 but upon retrospection....it was pretty good actually? Like if you have on the lens where Daiji wants to be relied on and trusted, then it makes sense---cause Ikki essentially apologizes for not believing or having faith in Daiji,;;; "You're really strong too, aren't you?" Originally -- when ur out here listening to Kagerou's nonsense You're like "lol Ikki.....it's nice that ur apologizing for not believing in ur brother. But this does not at all address the fact that you stole his dream from him" .......because if you see Daiji's hurt as "ikki became kamen rider, and stole his dream" then.... the apology just seems very lackluster? But if you see Daiji's hurt as him wanting to be relied upon, and trusted / needed thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn It's an outstanding apology.

[End of the relevant parts of our conversation, so moving back to the Daiji analysis]

[Kagerou, EVIL vs. LIVE as an Allegory]

basically -- Daiji's continual failure to believe in himself / to be helpful or in some way contributing to his family was/is literally killing him.

(Me and Nacho have talked extensively about how...if the Igarashi Sibs hadn't been accidentally conscripted to Kamen Rider Service, their future would have....not ended well. Drug abuse, and possibly even suicide -- and I'm not just talking about Daiji here....:/)

Daiji -- imo -- would be the one more likely to fall into drugs. In fact, more than once his Kagerou story-line has given me actual direct visual flashbacks to drug-related things storylines in other visual media I'd already consumed.

Like the episode 15 Non-con giving me immediate flashes of what an intervention / 'forced therapy' would look like

Then of course there's Kagerou's love for "spicy" things/food/curry, and how Daiji has to deal with the aftereffects (once Kagerou leaves) of eating something hot/something he can't handle that hurts him at least on some physical level.

Blah blah blah. I could write a whole essay on how Kagerou/Daiji is just one big metaphor & allegory for drug abuse. But we're not here for that.

I mentioned the drug allegory/metaphor because Daiji's character was on a downward spiral from the moment Ikki transformed into a kamen rider while he did nothing. Like....Daiji really *REALLY* does not like himself.

My main theory for Daiji is that (as I've already stated <33) he wanted to help Ikki (for and foremost) which is the reason why he originally tries out for a military organization.

He wanted Ikki to rely on him. He wanted to be someone that can protect, not just be protected. He wanted Ikki to see him as an equal.

It's why he doesn't trust, (*can't* trust) Kagerou's (or his own really) words, or decisions. It's because he has no confidence in himself or his ability to make 'good', 'proper', or 'responsible' decisions.

Ikki's smothering forced Daiji into a position of learned helplessness. And when you're always the damsel in distress and no one lets you handle things on your own (even when you want to) it teaches you that your opinions aren't valuable and that you have no autonomy or control over your own life. That you 'need' to be helped or something will go wrong.

This is why he's so quick to shut-down during times of intense stress. (AKA the opening ceremony from ep 1 being one example). After seeing someone who Daiji equates to being of higher authority (Hiromi) fails to use the belt -- he starts to think to himself:

If someone that high up, that power, can't do it....how can I?

And then he's paralyzed by the crushing terror of failure. He's never been in-control of his life, and now with this life-or-death pressure added to his already suffocating terror? Well, that's it. Game over.

He freezes. Shuts down. Error 404 Daiji's checked out for the moment.

Now imagine you're in his position. You choke when you finally had the chance to make your own decisions, and fail to do everything that motivated you into that specific career choice when it was finally *needed* from you.

Already.....already you could never do anything on your own...and maybe you thought 'hey, I can do this.' But now that you've failed so spectacularly and have to be saved.....AGAIN....well? Maybe your brother and sister were right. Maybe you really can't do anything on your own.....

This idea of being trapped forever in a position of having no power or control over his own life, forever playing the role of the helpless, useless (worthless) member of the family. That kind of stress would build, along with the self-hatred.

'Why couldn't you do it? Ikki can. Sakura can. Why can you never do anything? See? Someone got hurt today because of you. You failed and now they got hurt. You HURT them, Daiji. No...you're not useless....you're something even worse.'

(blah blah blah....you get the point.)

Daiji's low self-worth continued to fall, but he held out on the hope that maybe? He could transform too? Maybe Ikki *wouldn't* sign with Fenix and the position would re-open? Maybe-- maybe, maybe, maybe.

Yoinks. We alllll know what actually happened :D....

Falling into 'drugs' wouldn't be all that much of a stretch to see happening to Daiji. He had no outlet for this despair and self-hatred. So it just continued to consume him alive. And of course that stuff (drugs) would affect your personality and etc etc etc. Now, ignoring the drug allegory, no matter which way you spin it --Daiji's self-hatred would've harmed him in some way.

Hence, the split. Kagerou forms.

Now, Daiji doesn't have to worry about Ikki or feel guilty over his brother being put in this position (because of his own failures), cause Kagerou 'changed' or 'hid' these stressors from him. Now, instead of it being guilt it's rage and hatred. Instead of forcing Ikki into this position, Ikki pushed him out of the way and *stole* it.

If you listen reaaaaal closely and watch what Kagerou says, especially knowing that he's a "mirage" of sorts for Daiji, you'll see how Kagerou hides the truth within the lie.

(more on this below)

More 'proof' or I guess fodder for my 'Daiji wants to be needed, he wants to be helpful and useful, and so resents himself when he fails to help, protect, or lift others burdens'.

Would be Ikki's Apology in episode 10.

Now, at first I thought this apology was lackluster asf (lol). 'Well at least he apologized....even though he resolutely ignored that Daiji's angry at him for stealing his 'dream' not for Ikki lacking 'faith' in him.

(#oh.....)

Upon hindsight, I realize that....that was Kagerou's 'mirage'.

It was never about Ikki stealing Daiji's dream.

.........It's Daiji's guilt at not being able to help -- never being able to help. Of having to watch from the sidelines while people get hurt and you aren't able to do anything about it.

Daiji feels like he's responsible for this.

(I'd say its something like Survivor-syndrome....uh that thing where in a traumatic event where you outlive someone else, you feel guilt for living when they died, etc.)

Except here -- Daiji feels guilt for his lack of ability. Now, if Ikki gets hurt -- then it's *HIS* fault. If Ikki hadn't been at Daiji's ceremony, if Daiji hadn't froze....then Ikki never would have been put in the position of Kamen Rider. He wouldn't have to go out and actually risk his life fighting monsters.

So in 2 photos up, when Kagerou says lines like:

"You're the reason I was born, Ikki."

If you consider this being said by a "mirage".....the imaginary 'oasis' hiding the truth of the desert's hellscape....

Well, then it makes more sense to think that Kagerou is pinning the blame on Ikki, when in fact Daiji is the reason. But again, half-truths, because although Kagerou formed because of Daiji....it *was* in part because of his guilt over Ikki's situation, and his continued failure to be anything but helpless.

(ergo having to continue to rely on Ikki, continually burdening Ikki because of Daiji's failures, etc.)

"It was YOU who erased Daiji all along, ONII-SAMA!"

I find Kagerou and Ikki's conversation during their battle to be....really interesting....

I: "Do you resent me THAT much?"

K: "Daiji does, not me!"

Again, Daiji projecting the resentment he has of himself, onto Ikki. Kagerou hiding Daiji's self-hate by blaming Ikki instead (for Daiji). See, if you notice....Kagerou openly admits that *he* doesn't resent Ikki. 'Daiji does.'

Again, half-truths.

Kagerou doesn't resent Ikki...but neither does Daiji. Daiji resents himself, but Kagerou's 'mirage-ing' that from both Daiji AND Ikki.

Ikki's apology for essentially not trusting Daiji -- for not seeing his brother as an equal (because Ikki's the parent, not the brother), and his apology for not seeing or realizing that Daiji wanted to be trusted and relied on are enough to reach Daiji through Kagerou's veil of projected hate.

Of course, Kagerou beat the sh*t out of him (cause Ikki can't hurt his siblings.....not when he raised them......not when they're literally more important than his life) so Ikki isn't able to fight the remaining monster.

At this point he has no choice but to rely on Daiji. (And he's learned that his lack of trust was hurting him, so Ikki won't do that again.) So....he accepts the help. (Tho, he's not doing this for himself --- he's doing this for Daiji) and uh :D......Daiji's face after Ikki says:

"I'm counting on you, Daiji."

Idk. Combine this with episode 15, when Kagerou flips joyfully when Ikki summons him and tells him its because he 'needs his help.' (lol) The picture really paints itself.

So going back to what I said earlier about EVIL vs. LIVE dueling it out:

'I think unless Daiji got a lot more assurance from his siblings, or like more love and confidence in himself tho, Evil would def come out as the winner lol'

Daiji's learned helplessness continually shoots him in the foot. Kagerou then took that injured foot, ran with it ....right off a fking cliff. Since, Daiji doesn't know how to 'live' by himself / on his own (which is why his title is LIVE vs. EVIL) --- the traits that are really magnified during this time of him trying to learn how to ...idk literally 'live' I guess, are his worse-r traits.

His 'EVIL' traits. (His helplessness. And then when Kagerou actually manifested and tried to kill his brother LOL!!!!)

If you watch in episodes 11 and 12 -- right after the Kagerou arc, Daiji is so unsure of himself, that he waits to see what either Ikki or Hiromi will do before doing something himself. That's because he doesn't trust himself to make the right decision.

It's kinda fascinating to watch actually.

Like Daiji literally lets Hiromi tell him his sob story (that came out of no where lol) because he'd rather stop and listen to that, then to run off and start the battle first / on his own.

Or when he waits to see what Ikki will do about Sakura's Karate instructor. When Ikki commits to fighting, Daiji commits immediately afterwards. You can literally see as he dings off in his head 'ah so this is the right choice' lmao.

See, this lack of trust Daiji has in himself hasn't really gotten much better? Like episode 13 helped majorly, when Ikki trusted him to handle it

(though Kagerou showed up, so like 2 steps forward 3 steps back :'oo. )

And then it was also good (for Kagerou at least) in episode 15 when they ask him for help. But the lack of consent from Daiji is....not great to say the least. Really shows Ikki's 'parental override' over any opinion or say Daiji *should* have....esp in a matter concerning himself.

So for Daiji this translates into 1) them not respecting his say -- aka silencing Daiji's voice---and Daiji realizing that on some level.

And

2)"Kagerou" was preferred over "Daiji." Again, doesn't really do much to affirm Daiji's own self worth lol.

So basically Kagerou / EVIL would win in a fight between the two of them because Daiji wouldn't have the confidence in himself (which is why he didn't fight Kagerou back in episode 9, he verbally disagreed, but had no power over Kagerou) and Kagerou? Kagerou's all about his own self-interest.

While Daiji's drowning in doubts Kagerou's already got out the gun (basically.)

ANWAYS

I have NO idea why I decided to write all the above nonsense for this ask I'm so sorry LOL.

Yeah I believe Daiji IS the secondary rider. No idea about upgrades....honestly I'm curious too. I'm hoping for something amazing for Daiji and Sakura,,,,,mostly because I really like how the plots has progressed and so I feel like the writer...y'know....hasn't let me down yet (lol.....)

But I hope they get upgrades soon :O!!!

And for Oltecca kidnapping George.....no idea :D. My first guess would be 1) It's because George is the brains of Fenix's operations 2) to use George,,,,to....idk? Someone mentioned Oltecca perhaps getting George to build him a belt? Idk....lol

Oltecca strikes me as an opportunist. He might have just seen George out stalking for info, and was like 'wow....the golden goose out from its protected base in the sky.... >:)))'

Again,,,, no need to apologize for asks lol. If y'all sent in the same ask like 4 times I'd be like "lol what happened here :DD" and then answer the first one, and save the other asks for either

1) jokes, or

2) spaces to answer the same question in a different way or

3) to clown

LOL!!!