#if u see this and are inclined to - please share something that made you happy or made you laugh at any time

[bungeepuppet]

Happy Birthday

Prompt: Illumi is the only person to ever celebrate Hisoka’s birthday.

Rating: Mature (Mentions of sex, but nothing explicit)

Words: 4,000~

Note: A VERY FLUFFY one-shot that I had planned alongside the comic I did for Hisoka’s birthday, but could not get to cooperate with me until last night! So... Happy Birthday, Hisoka! 🎂🎈🎊 (+ao3)

—

No one ever celebrated Hisoka’s birthday.

In fact, most people would rather curse the day he was born than celebrate it.

They couldn’t curse the exact day, of course, because just about no one besides Hisoka himself knew what the actual date of his birthday was.

No parents, no siblings, no extended family that might have taken guardianship otherwise.

Hisoka hoped that if any had ever existed that they were all dead.

The administration from the carnival that had bought him as a small child were all dead. Hisoka had made sure of that.

They had known the date, since his documentation was inside the safe a young Hisoka had plundered after killing the office staff and owner. 

June 6th, 19xx. 

(There was a convenient coffee stain over the last two digits of the year.)

Hisoka kept the date as one of his little secrets. That way it would be so much funner to be out indulging himself in a bloody fight or two and no one would know it was really just a birthday gift to himself. 

The few times that he shared the date was in passing at bars or clubs on the night of his birthday, and he was often treated to a few free drinks and sex with pretty, drunk strangers for doing so.

They wouldn’t remember the date. No one alive did.

Except, that wasn’t entirely true anymore.

There was one. 

And it was funny too, that the only person to ever remember his birthday, let alone celebrate it, was someone equally as merciless and bloodstained as himself.

Illumi Zoldyck, of all people.

—

The first year was laughably minimalistic. The absolute bare minimum.

Hisoka had accompanied Illumi on a small job, free of charge. Only he knew that it was an excuse to do something a little fun for his birthday, in the company of one of the few people that could stand him for more than a few hours. 

It was fun keeping his secret for the flight there and during the slaughter that Illumi allowed him to commit with the guards. Illumi didn’t know that allowing Hisoka to act out was incidentally giving him a birthday present, and it made Hisoka smile. 

By the time they were waiting for their flight back to Padokea, Hisoka felt inclined to let Illumi in on his secret. He had been a good “friend” and had shown him a good time for his birthday, albeit unwittingly. 

“You know…” Hisoka smiled as he shuffled a deck of cards in his hands. “Today is my birthday. ♦”

Illumi turned to look at Hisoka, his expression betraying no emotion. Hisoka tilted his chin up to catch a peek at his companion. He knew Illumi’s wide eyes well enough now to know that he was curious about the declaration.

“Hoh, is it…?” Illumi asked with his airy, unafflicted voice.

Hisoka pressed his smile flat into a pleased “u” shape, and his eyes bent closed in an equally pleased fashion. 

“Yup! ♣” He answered childishly. “And my friend Illumi was so nice to take me out for the day~♥” 

Illumi’s small mouth disappeared into an even smaller dot on his face. 

He hadn’t been aware at all that Hisoka was celebrating with him today. Hisoka’s way of speaking was confusing, but it was acceptable that Hisoka enjoyed his time working with him, seeing as Illumi wasn’t paying him for this job. If Hisoka took that as Illumi doing him a favor on top of already working for free, then that was fortuitous on its own. 

Still, Illumi was confident that Hisoka was asking too little for a birthday, even for an adult. Illumi was currently the only adult in his line of siblings, but his parents would still present him with a few practical gifts and his favorite dessert come his birthday. His younger brothers were much more spoiled, and always had cake and toys on their birthdays.

“Hm.” Illumi put his knuckle to his chin in thought. 

This was quite a predicament he had been put in, but simple enough that surely it was fixable. 

Hisoka’s expression faltered when Illumi stood from his seat suddenly.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Illumi said politely.

Hisoka watched his cohort walk down the terminal hall and slumped his mouth to the side. He supposed it was his own fault for expecting more of a response than that from a man as composed as Illumi Zoldyck.

It took quite a bit longer than a moment for Illumi to return, and by the time he did, Hisoka was standing by the window while other passengers waited in line to board. 

Illumi walked right up to him without any change in expression. 

“I bought you a gift.” Illumi said nonchalantly and reached into his pocket.

Hisoka’s eyes opened more in surprise. He wasn’t sure what kind of gift Illumi would have purchased from the many random travel kiosks in the airport, but he was curious to know. 

“Oh? Did you? ♦” Hisoka leaned in to see Illumi’s hand.

Illumi opened his palm face up to reveal a package of Bungee Gum. Hisoka’s eyebrow twitched. 

“Ah…♠” He didn’t know what to say. 

“Hm? This is your favorite, isn't it?” Illumi asked him curiously. 

Hisoka lifted his hand to take the candy from him.

“Oh, well… yes.” He admitted. 

Well, it was his favorite gum. Significantly so. 

Hisoka would have loved to receive a packet of Bungee Gum for his birthday when he was a little carnie kid without a jenny to his name. But as an adult… 

Hisoka turned the package in his hand and looked at the familiar smiling face and suit patterns decorating the paper. He couldn’t stop the smile that snorted to life with his laugh.

One of the world’s most proficient assassin’s had gotten him a pack of gum for a birthday gift, because he remembered that it was his favorite. Why did Illumi even bother to remember that?

“I guess it’s the thought that counts…♣” Hisoka thought, and laughed again.

“What is so funny about it?” Illumi asked while they joined the check-in line, with Hisoka giggling to himself all the way.

“Oh, not a thing, Illumi.” Hisoka grinned at him and peeled the wrapping off of the side of his silly birthday gift. 

Hisoka popped one of the blocks of gum into his mouth, then picked up another foil covered piece between his clawed nails. He offered it to Illumi while he chewed. 

“Would you like one? ♦” Hisoka asked courteously. Illumi blinked back at him, still confused.

“It's your birthday gift.” Illumi replied with almost enough infliction to sound human. 

“And I would love to share it with you. ♥” Hisoka rebutted. 

Illumi looked at the piece of candy with some thought. After a moment, he took it, peeled the foil off, and popped the square of gum into his mouth without a word. Hisoka smiled.

They spent the first part of the airship ride with nothing but the shuffling of cards and the dull pops of bubblegum to break the silence.

—

The second year was more practical. 

It was about a week before Hisoka’s birthday, and he and Illumi were enjoying a drink after completing another easy job. 

Hisoka hadn’t brought up that his birthday was nearing, and debated the best way to do so as he sipped on his glass of whiskey. He didn’t want to point it out on-the-nose and come off as desperate.

The addition of sex to their relationship’s pot had really been a mixed bag; on one hand, great sex, and on the other hand, constantly teetering on emotional vulnerability.

He tilted his drink back and forth while he considered his words. Illumi spoke up before he found them. 

"Oh," He breathed. "I almost forgot."

"It's your birthday next week…" Illumi turned toward Hisoka further.

"It is customary to have dinner and drinks, isn't it? Do you have any preferences?"

He had really meant to bring it up earlier, as it was his nature to be prepared for events such as these. Reservations may be needed, and even though the Zoldyck name could easily sway any establishment to bend policies, it was always better to have accommodations settled early. Hopefully a week was enough time—Illumi didn't want to come off as ill-prepared for something important.

Hisoka's expression lit up at the question, and he tried to stifle his glee, to no avail.

No one had ever offered such a thing to him in his entire life!

A good few times he had eaten and drank with others on his birthday, but it was never planned, and it certainly was not offered to him by a friend. He had allies come and go in the past, but no friends to speak of for as long as memory served him. 

Except now, he had Illumi.

(Even if the assassin argued over the definition of "friend" every time it was brought up.)

"Ohh~♥" Hisoka cooed. "Illu you are so sweet to me~♦"

Hisoka rested his elbows onto the bar counter, drink still in hand, and laid his cheek onto his wrist in thought.

"What did I do to deserve such a sweetheart like you? ♣"

Illumi's mouth pursed at the overly soft term.

"You ensured that my birthday last year was quite… memorable." He answered.

Hisoka dropped his expression for a moment, then slid his eyes shut with a mischievous smile. 

Illumi's birthday was in November, a considerably good while ago, but he must have truly enjoyed himself to want to return the favor now in June.

Hisoka allowed his ever-hungry tongue to flick out from the corner of his mouth and lap at the skin above it as he recalled the wonderful sounds he had pulled out of Illumi the night of his birthday. Dinner, drinks, and a very hot night of dirty kisses and oral sex—what a blissful memory. And it hadn't been long after that that they had finally slept together, too.

"Will I be receiving a similar gift from you? ♦" Hisoka purred in excitement.

Illumi watched Hisoka's hips as he squirmed enough to pivot himself in place on his stool, even with his legs crossed. He looked back up to Hisoka's face with a small smile.

"It is your birthday." He said, with an understanding that it meant Hisoka was free to ask him for whatever he would like as a gift. 

Hisoka swooned with a malicious laugh. 

"You're too good to me, Illumi~♥"

—

The third year was a… surprise.

Illumi called Hisoka two days before his birthday and informed him that he urgently needed his assistance with a job on the west coast of Kukan'yu. Hisoka was expecting Illumi to be calling him about potential plans for his birthday, but figured that a job in a pretty, posh little coastal town would offer plenty of opportunities for fun together, and plus, killing and fighting was a treat all on its own.

Hisoka flew to the much larger city just north of Illumi's location, then took a cab to the affluent hamlet where Illumi said his target was holed up somewhere. As he watched the glittering sea from the taxi window, Hisoka received a call from Illumi.

"I got your text." Illumi said, distracted. Hisoka could hear him rummaging with something in the background.

"Yes, I'll be in town within the hour~" Hisoka flicked at his nails casually. "So where am I meeting you? ♣"

"Oh, I cannot meet today." Illumi replied with a much more direct tone. "You will be meeting a correspondent."

Hisoka glanced at his phone questioningly. He didn't want to say he was disappointed to have to wait to see Illumi until tomorrow, but it did take some gusto out of him. Illumi was aware that his birthday was tomorrow, right? He had to be.

Oh well, once the job was done they could do something together.

"Alright." Hisoka turned his attention back to the ocean view.

"I'll send you the address." Illumi said, absentminded again.

—

Hisoka arrived at the address Illumi had provided by mid-afternoon, and found it to be attached to a manicured townhouse. The street was lined with equally well-kept, Mediterranean style homes, with groomed tropical plants and trees that made the area look more like a postcard than a place for murder.

Well, murder follows money, and there was plenty of money here.

Hisoka entered the house with a quick knock, and was greeted by an older man in a black suit.

"Master Illumi has asked me to give you instructions for the meeting tomorrow." The man said formally. Hisoka tilted his head. 

This was a butler, he assumed. Not very powerful, maybe 45 points.

The butler handed him a small envelope.

"Please follow the details listed inside carefully. Master Illumi says it is imperative."

Hisoka stared at the envelope, then raised his eyes back up to the butler with a cocked eyebrow.

This was not normally how his jobs went with Illumi. They always met together and Illumi personally explained the details to him. They call and text each other freely, after all, so what was the point of this run around?

"Alright. ♠" Hisoka agreed finally.

With a flick of his wrist, a card appeared between his fingers, and he used its Nen-hardened edge to open the envelope like a letter.

The instructions were clear, but all the more confounding. 

Hisoka was to meet with an informant tomorrow, at a different address, and give them the code "44301". That was all.

There was also a note to again remind Hisoka that Illumi would not be available to meet tonight. Hmph.

But Illumi did take the initiative to book a room for Hisoka to spend the night at… on the other end of town. Hisoka did his best not to grind his teeth—his taxi just left five minutes ago. 

The hotel better have a bar.

—

Hisoka laid in bed and stared at the clock; 11:45PM.

The only contact he had with Illumi after he arrived was texting him to tell him that he got the information for the meeting, and Illumi acknowledging it.

He didn't want to be disappointed, but he had been expecting Illumi to at least mention his birthday. Though, technically it was his birthday tomorrow and not tonight, but still.

No text saying, "Sorry to do this on your birthday weekend, but…" or any promises like "We'll go out after the job is done."?

This was all very unlike Illumi as he knew him.

Hisoka frowned. Had Illumi forgotten?

Illumi remembered last year, so it would be strange if he forgot this year, but it wasn't impossible.

Hisoka watched the clock tick past 12:00AM.

This was stupid, being upset over someone forgetting his birthday. No one ever celebrated it with him until recently, so it shouldn't bother him.

But Illumi was the only one to ever remember, so he was the only one that could forget it, too.

Hisoka groaned and rolled away from the clock to get some sleep.

—

Hisoka’s blood was boiling.

After waking up to nothing from Illumi but a text telling Hisoka to notify him once he met with the informant, Hisoka had again called a taxi and gone to the new meeting spot as requested.

He had assumed the informant may be untrustworthy, and probably powerful, if Illumi was having him go, but to his surprise, as he arrived at the listed motel room, Hisoka was greeted by a civilian man in an inconspicuous blue-gray suit with a dull, lackluster expression.

The man asked for the code, and upon receiving it, handed Hisoka a manila envelope.

"Please bring this paperwork to the address below." He said.

No fight, no attitude, no bloodlust, not even any impressive Nen or rowdy cohorts that might have had him considering to fight even if it was against Illumi's wishes! This was a trivial errand that anyone could have accomplished!

Hisoka was so upset by the insult of this mundane exchange that he failed to notice the neat line of golden needle heads sticking out of the back of the "informant's" hair.

Instead, Hisoka seethed as he stalked up the sidewalk and into a very affluent neighborhood that overlooked the ocean by cliffside.

"Calling me for a job on my birthday? Sure, fine, whatever." Hisoka ranted in his head bitterly. "But to have me run these menial little errands? A butler could have done this! At least have me fight something! ♠"

His clawed thumbnail dug into the paper of the yellow envelope as he gripped it tight in annoyance.

And that bastard Illumi hadn't called or texted him anything about his birthday all day! He really had forgotten!

It made Hisoka mad, and a little embarrassed, to have had placed any expectations in the assassin, even if he was his lover. He felt even stupider for being so upset about it, as if he needed Illumi to give a damn about whether he was born or not.

"That's what I get for expecting anything. ♠" Hisoka thought with a huff as he reached the listed residence. He didn't even bother to knock, and let himself inside.

His heels clicked on the tile floor of the foyer as he skulked into the belly of the house to look for the next stupid correspondent he was probably meeting here.

He stopped short at the sight of pastel party decorations and Illumi, standing amongst it all, with his hands up on either side of his head.

"Surprise!" Illumi said with a big smile that was disproportionate to his airy, calm voice.

"Haha, I tricked you!" He added gently with a boyish laugh.

Hisoka dropped the envelope in his absolute dumbfoundment.

Behind Illumi there were bouquets of baby blue, pink, and yellow balloons—one of his favorite color palettes—that hung on either side of a "Happy Birthday" banner that draped down the wall in similar colors.

Below the banner was a small party table, with its pastel blue skirt pinned up in intervals by soft pink and yellow pom poms. And in the center of the table was a very expensive-looking chocolate birthday cake; big enough to look like a centerpiece, but small enough to share between two.

Hisoka felt an unfamiliar, overwhelming feeling overcome him as he realized what was happening, and he shakingly approached Illumi as the latter carried on explaining without a care.

"Retrieving the envelope was just a diversion!" Illumi continued, giddy that his clever plan had worked exactly as intended. "It actually has your card—"

Hisoka grabbed Illumi by the shoulders, quickly enough to startle him into pausing his explanation.

"ILLUMI… ♥" Hisoka choked out, eyes wet. Illumi stared at his upset face with his usual wide eyes.

"Oh, do you not like it…?" Illumi asked.

That would be a shame, as he was sure Hisoka would like it. His younger brothers had always liked parties like this.

Hisoka swallowed back the emotion clogging his throat, and followed it with a hard sniff for good measure. He returned Illumi’s stare, though his eyes were bent up to fight off the mistiness that kept clouding them.

Illumi had planned him a surprise birthday party, in an expensive rental home on the coast of Kukan'yu, for just the two of them. He really thought that Illumi had forgotten his birthday, and in doing so, he played right into Illumi’s hand. Illumi got him good; some master of tricks he was!

Illumi didn't forget.

Hisoka pulled him into a tight embrace.

"You were setting this up all yesterday?" He asked, muffled by Illumi’s thick, black hair.

Illumi smiled and hugged him back.

"Mm!" He affirmed, and carried on with his explanation. "I had to wait on the balloon arrival, and then oversee the workers through the set-up in the afternoon yesterday, and there was a delay with the champagne delivery, which was very annoying, as well as having to continuously call the service desk at the bakery today because they were also over an hour late delivering this morning."

Illumi paused his rambling to peek at Hisoka, who had not moved besides pushing his face into Illumi’s neck. Illumi gave himself a self-assured grin.

"Did I surprise you?" Illumi asked, his voice as mischievous as a toddler's.

Hisoka squeezed him tighter, and after a moment, managed to pull away to plant a deep, grateful kiss on his lover's lips.

"Yes. I love it. ♣" Hisoka sniffed, then turned to pepper Illumi’s sideburn with quick kisses.

"Suki, suki, suki, suki, sukiiii-dayo. ♥" 

( →"I love you" but soft, like a crush)

Illumi gleamed at the appreciative gesture, and rewrapped his arms around Hisoka’s broad shoulders. 

"Oh good! I was worried for a moment." He sighed contently, completely unaware of the turmoil he had caused.

—

♥ Epilogue:

Hisoka sank further into the rolling bubbles of the jacuzzi. He watched the sunset stretch over the horizon line of the ocean from the comfort of the vacation home's private balcony, and from the comfortable embrace of the hot water, and his hot lover, who was just as naked as he was.

Illumi puffed a relaxed sigh, and leaned further into Hisoka’s embrace.

He was glad that his efforts had paid off, and that Hisoka was pleased and cuddling with him now. Hisoka had stalled his invitation for sex right after the surprise, which was very unexpected, but his worries were eased when Hisoka suggested this instead. Illumi had never been met with anything less than overt enthusiasm when he was the one to initiate, so for a moment he was worried Hisoka was unhappy with him.

It was quite the opposite of unhappy, unbeknownst to Illumi.

Hisoka cradled Illumi closer and carefully slid a wayward strand of his long, wet hair back into place. Illumi hummed approvingly from his resting spot on Hisoka's collar, and Hisoka pursed his lips with a blush.

He felt silly.

He felt bubblier than the jacuzzi, or the champagne sitting nearby.

He wasn't even really in the mood for sex, which was so surprising that he couldn't even bring himself to explain it to Illumi, instead shying away from the other's inviting words and proposing this alternative instead.

There was no way he could coolly explain that the only thing he really, really wanted to do tonight was hold Illumi close for as long as time allowed. Teasing about taking a naked dip in the hot tub was the closest that he was getting to that confession.

Hisoka stroked more of Illumi’s hair back, and drew lazy circles over the smooth skin of his shoulder blade. He felt Illumi smile, and pouted over the heat that reaffixed itself across his cheekbones.

He was so happy, so content. It was really unlike him.

There was nothing he would rather be doing on his birthday than reclining with Illumi like this.

"Hmm, ah…" Illumi mumbled as his thoughts started up again. "Is there anything specific you would like for dinner?"

Illumi tried to sit up, but Hisoka coaxed him back into lying on him. Illumi smiled in amusement.

"There are several acclaimed restaurants close by." He resumed from the nape of Hisoka’s neck. Hisoka's lips squirmed again, and he set a kiss onto the crown of Illumi's head.

"I don't feel like going out…" He answered reluctantly. 

He didn't want to move from this spot. He didn't want to stop holding Illumi, who cared for him and took him into consideration. Illumi, who remembered his birthdate, and made such an effort to make him feel special.

That's what it was, Hisoka realized with another shy sigh.

He felt special.

He felt special to Illumi, specifically.

"We can order take-out then." Illumi suggested it like a solution to a math problem. He moved to reach for his phone, but was again enveloped in Hisoka’s arms and dragged into a tender hold.

"I'm not too hungry yet..." Hisoka tried as an excuse. "I would rather stay here for longer."

Illumi's black eyes stared up at Hisoka from below his chin. He was acting very unusual, almost submissive, but he supposed it wasn't a bad unusual, so Illumi let it be. 

"Alright, then," Illumi pressed a kiss to Hisoka's neck, unaware of the agonizingly blissful expression the act garnered.

"Happy birthday."

[userhobi]

.

[starglitterz]

celebrating birthdays is much more difficult than expected.

feat; diluc x gn!reader

warnings; i forgot how 2 write lol,,, food mention,,, not proofread we die like how everyone thought kazuha would <3

a/n; KOIII! @chichikoi !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE !!! im not sure what timezone ur in but this is scheduled to post for 12am 15/9 aka as soon as ur bday starts in my timezone! i hope u like this mwahhhh also theres a better letter for u in the a/n utc ♡

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

diluc.

diluc ragnvindr has rarely been close enough to anyone to celebrate their birthday, nor does he feel the need to. he pretends he doesn't remember the birthday parties crepus and him threw for kaeya when they were young, and the parties he had for his birthdays too - isn't he too old for that now? he doesn't feel so inclined to sit awkwardly with a party hat on his head while he waits for everyone to finish singing happy birthday. but with you, things are different. he desperately wants to commemorate your special day, the day you were brought into this world, the day that's the sole reason he's able to date you now. unfortunately, he has zero clue how to.

originally, he considered asking the knights for their opinion, but when he thought of how kaeya would tease him, the proud smile jean would wear as she realised that he was asking for help from the knights of all people, the way eula would take this as just another reason to exact vengeance, how klee didn't even like him, and how albedo probably had no idea too, diluc changed his mind very quickly. hence, he sought assistance from none other than the workers in his house. hillie and moco were unhelpful, merely starstruck at the chance of speaking to their boss face to face, while connor suggested making you a special brew, which diluc rejected. thankfully, adelinde and elzer managed to save the day. adelinde whipped up a delicious birthday cake that was your favourite flavour, with elaborate edible decorations and a 'happy birthday!' illustrated on it with icing. elzer, with his eye for detail and skill at handling important affairs, plotted out your schedule and found the perfect time for diluc to surprise you - right after you wake up the next morning.

-

to say diluc is terrified would be an understatement. he's been in so many battles, defeated hundreds of fatui members, yet here he is; quaking in his boots at the thought of you disliking his surprise. but then he thinks to himself that he's got to thank you somehow for everything you've done for him. the way a smile from you brightens up his entire day, how your warm hugs never fail to cheer him up, your reassurance and light scolding whenever he overworks, the infinite wonderful memories the two of you have made together that he keeps hidden like precious treasures in his heart - he's so lucky to have you, and diluc is planning to show you just how grateful he is today.

from outside the door of your shared bedroom (no, he still can't get over the fact that you live with him! and sleep in the same bed!), diluc lights the candle on the cake in his arms. he can hear the sounds of you faintly stirring, and his cheeks redden slightly with excitement and anticipation as he thinks about how he's going to gift you with a kiss too, aside from the present waiting for you downstairs; it's something you've mentioned wanting for ages, and diluc recalled you saying that and purchased it. the candle flame flickers gently, and diluc smiles at no one in particular, imagining your joyous expression when you see it. it may not be his birthday, but as he looks up from the dancing flame and enters the bedroom, diluc makes a silent wish.

archons, i hope they have the best birthday!

quill speaks !

koi,

happy birthday !!!!!! i rlly hope your bday goes amazing, and that you have the most awesome day ever! shoutout to you for being one of the no1 diluc simps omg i hope u like the fic too <3!!! you're super funny and friendly all the time, i love seeing ur posts and even willingly followed the brand new koithe2nd for a clogged up dash! LOL but seriously, you're a great person, the only person i can tolerate making fart jokes (besides genesis), and i rlly hope we get to become closer friends & that diluc comes home for u ASAP ! mwah i think that's all for now, happy birthday again koi !! keep being the super awesome person you are, ily <3

xoxo,

quill <3

um to the rest of u 🙄 /j

i cba to use my taglist for this post im so tired im sorry </3

but anyways heres a tag for my beloved sarah @almondto-fu bc hashtag elzer mention 😋

i know i said i wasnt going to be writing but kois bday bash is an exception!!!!!!!!!! im going back into hibernation now !!!!!!!!! /hj

anyways i dont rlly have much to say except that i had to go boil water halfway thru writing this and then nearly cried bc of injury pain but its ok who cares we die like crepus 😎‼ LMAOOO pls im too tired to tag this properly i just wanna sleep ahhhh goodnight all of u !!

hope you enjoy your stay at quill’s dessert cafe, and do check out the menu if you’d like ! 🍭

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[undertaker1827]

idk if this is to much to ask but can u do undertaker x reader where they get into a heated fight which was undertakers fault ill leave the rest to you 

-

Absolutely! I got somewhat carried away with this, and it is very angsty. There is reconciliation, but not a happy ending!!

❗️Warnings; ANgst, some mean stuff being said, mentions of death

Masterlist

-

You knew something was wrong as soon as you walked into the parlour’s back room. Your first clue was the ‘closed’ sign on the shop door that Undertaker never bothered to put up, especially during the middle of the day, then the fact that he wasn’t in his customary position behind his desk. Instead, the mortician was reclined back on his small sofa, one leg crossed over the other and a book held in one hand, his disinterested gaze barely skimming the text he had to hold close to his nose to even be able to read. He barely glanced up as you walked in, not bothering with a greeting of any kind. You frowned.

“Undertaker?” The reaper’s chartreuse eyes flicked over to you, though he still didn’t speak. You raised a brow and held his gaze, but you didn’t try to move any closer to him, choosing instead to continue standing in the doorway. “You alright?” He let out a small huff of air through his nose, elegantly swinging his legs to the floor and standing in one fluid movement as he made his way towards you.

“Fine,” he muttered shortly, stopping in front of you and levelling you with a look that quite clearly said get out of my way. Your back straightened and your shoulders stiffened at the blatant dismissal, and some obstinate part of you sparked to life with anger. You shifted your weight to plant your feet squarely then crossed your arms over your chest, stare growing a little colder. All the mortician did in response was incline his head to one side to indicate he wanted you to move. You didn’t.

“What exactly is your problem today, huh? And is it so dire that you couldn’t even say hello?” Your words were bitter, and you refused to back down as you watched the reaper’s eyes narrow, sensed the shifting air around him.

“Move.” It took everything in you not to allow your lips to curl up into a snarl.

“No.” You stayed put as Undertaker sneered, only to get shoved harshly to the side as he strode past you, pain blooming in the shoulder that had connected with the doorframe. You practically had to jog to make up the distance between you with how fast he was walking, though his place was small enough that he couldn’t really get away from you. You followed the mortician through to the front room of the parlour, anger growing with every second that he refused to so much as acknowledge your presence. You grit your teeth as he fully turned his back to you in a show of looking through one of his bookshelves for something, which you thought likely wasn’t even there. “Look,” you sighed out, deciding to try a different approach, “if we could just talk about this-”

“And what would you know, hm?” He spun around on a boot heel to face you, burning green gaze seeming to spear right through you. “What concept of loss could you possibly grasp, how could you ever understand what it feels like to lose someone then have to live forever with the guilt of knowing there was nothing you could do-”

“Oh, I see how it is. I’m a mortal and am therefore incapable of understanding anything outside of the keyhole through which I view life, is that what you’re saying?!” It was most definitely a challenge and you were livid beyond measure, your words acidic because of course you had experienced loss, of course you knew what it felt like to be left behind and what right did he have to tell you otherwise.

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” the reaper spat, turning away from you once more, “you are incapable of even being able to imagine what it’s like, because there is no loss which is of any consequence to a human.”

The deafening silence that followed was louder than anything that had just been said, the pressure of it pounding in your ears alongside your rapid heartbeat. It was emptiness you felt, you realised after a few moments of standing there and staring at Undertaker’s back, though there had to be pain somewhere too given that your stinging eyes were now lining with tears. Not that you were of any consequence to your partner.

“How dare you,” you whispered with a light shake of your head, hardly capable of processing the true meaning of what he had just said, the same person who loudly and unabashedly declared his love for you every day, who held you through your sorrows and shared with you your greatest joys. It didn’t register that the tears were now dripping from your eyelashes, though the mortician seemed to finally realise that he had gone too far when he turned around to find you crying.

“Y/N,” he murmured, eyebrows drawing together in concern and voice softer now, almost as if a switch had been flicked inside his head. “Y/N, love, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, please forgive me-”

His hand stopped short as he reached out for your wrist, eyes wide but from surprise rather than pain. You’d smacked him so hard that your palm stung and his cheek was blooming red.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, hand cradled close to your chest. “Just don’t.” You couldn’t remember the last time you felt so betrayed by someone that you loved. You rushed quickly past him and practically fled to the bathroom, locking yourself in and leaning back against the door then allowing yourself to slide to the ground, no longer trying to prevent your tears. What you didn’t see was Undertaker slumping against the front of his desk with his head resting in his hand, eyes squeezed shut and moist as he tried to work out what the hell had been going through his mind when he’d said something so unforgivable to you.

-

You didn’t speak to the reaper when you reappeared over an hour later, walking straight past him to the armchair he’d got stuffed into the corner of the back room, curling up and turning your back to him. He deserved that, he thought, that and a lot more. Slowly, almost silently, he sat on the arm of the sofa furthest away from you, gaze faraway though his head was facing the far wall.

“His name was Vincent, the earl I told you about.” Undertaker’s voice was low and soft, as if he was trying not upset you further. “He was - we were close. Closer, even, than either of us had any right to be.” He took a moment to swallow, trying to shove back the emotions bleeding into his tone. “Today is the anniversary of his death.” That at least made you look up. He spoke of this earl with such care, reverence almost, that you felt you could practically feel the connection that still lived on in your partner. Undertaker allowed his eyes to drift to yours for a moment, offering you a small, sad smile before he once again looked away.

“He was young, Y/N, so young. Had his whole life to live. And by the time I found out, I was too late. I’m always too late.” His voice cracked over the syllable and you could feel your eyes once again heating up, though this time it was on his behalf. You watched as he lowered his head and closed his eyes; clearly there was something more that he needed to keep his composure to say. “The thing is...” He tilted his head back, blinking rapidly now to stem the oncoming flow of tears. “I can’t be - too late for you. I don’t think I’m capable of impressing upon you how impossible it would be for me to recover if I was too late for you. But you’re still mortal. And when the time comes... I still won’t know what to do.”

The reaper dropped his head into his hands then, shoulders trembling in silent, heaving sobs as the fears he had kept hidden for so long were finally revealed to you. You felt sick with worry for him, in spite of everything he’d said just a short while earlier. You hardly knew what you were doing as you stood and crossed the room, arms encircling your partner and pulling him as close to you as possible. Your heart clenched at the heaving breath he took, but you just curled one arm around his head and the other across his shoulders, holding him as tightly as he could. It took all of a few seconds for Undertaker’s arms to wrap around your waist, head pressed against your abdomen where you were standing and he was still balanced on the arm of the sofa.

Neither of you said a word for a long time, but you became aware after that time had passed of the mortician apologising to you repeatedly, no longer sobbing but so emotionally fragile that you were certain he could start again at any moment. You did the only thing you could do; you carried on standing between his legs and gently ran your hands through his glossy hair, fingertips caressing his scalp and mentally willing him to just breathe, to just stay calm. You still needed to process everything that had happened, but that didn’t mean you were going to leave him when he was so utterly vulnerable.

[life-rewritten]

OMG!! I just found your blog through a WBL fan sharing your post about WBL on Instagram, and I am SOOOOO happy to see that you noticed and appreciate the tutor and fighter couple from Why R U series too. If possible, please write an analysis about this couple, about any specific aspect you deem as most important or just generally, whatever you are okay with. I love reading your analysis and the insights it gives me, and I just finished binge reading all of your writings on my favorite bl (1)

Hi wow mindblown by this comment Thank you so much for letting me know that my stuff is being shared I really appreciate that and I am so grateful that you took time of your day to come speak to me. I adore Fighter and Tutor, like they’re my favourite couple ever. What happened when why r u was airing was I wasn’t yet analysing BLs at that time otherwise I would have been writing essays and essays about them. Because it’s been so long since I went back to watch them I’m going to let you see some of my drafts on how I would have broken their relationship into pieces and analysed. Because they are incredible and I really always feel sad when people see them as just like a se*ual couple when there’s more to them than that.  So I will let you see the first drafts and my ideas on them through this  ask and I hope that's okay for now. Maybe after my other shows I will like go back and rewatch them and start analysing more about them. If I do I’d probably do a youtube video about them because they’re so good. 

Here’s some of the analysis for them that I wrote: 

The theme for these two is  the struggle with internalised homophobia and self-acceptance. They both had this obstacle in themselves as they fell for each other and tried hard to avoid and run away from what they felt.  It’s been a long journey for them being into each other since the first time they met but not really realising what they felt.  Fighter did but he went into extreme panic mode and tried to run away immediately he felt that. So he tried to stay by Tutor’s side through the teasing and bullying because Tutor made him feel great and happy always but then with pressure from his father and the path he was meant to take to keep on being seen as successful, he thought his feelings for Tutor were useless and wrong. Plus he didn’t know if it was reciprocated so that caused even more fear for him which is why he just stayed with teasing and finally kater in thinking Tutor likes Hwa he chose to pull her away from him by taking her attention but also he chose to keep what they have as enemies/haters that way and avoid being near Tutor. This is why they end up hating each other a lot by the beginning of Why R U which is like 3 years later or something after he chose to stay with Hwa. 

Tutor didn’t understand fully why he got angry, jealous and annoyed, he had an inclination from the first year that Fighter liked men and he was actually hopeful about it because deep down he had feelings of wanting to also flirt with Fighter, wanting to stay with Fighter even when annoyed him and bullied him. He liked Fighter’s softness at times and he liked the way he felt even though he didn’t understand why he was so rifled and affected by Fighter’s presence when no one else has been able to do that to him before. But he became upset when Fighter chose to date Hwahwa because it was his automatic issue with IH that of course Fighter doesn’t like him but he likes girls, so he got jealous and sad and proceeded to also dislike Fighter because he had this effect on him whilst still trying to date his best friend who had feelings for Fighter.

They both have had unknowingly pent up feelings for each other, so once Fighter breaks the barrier by their first kiss, they both go into extreme panic and they both could no longer pretend any more with what they have. Which is why the first episodes they both keep struggling to keep their attraction with each other quiet because its been 3 years since they wanted each other that way. Fighter has so much pent up attraction and needs to give into his feelings that each time they have a chance to break that barrier it’s intense and crazy. Both have been longing, pining secretly for each other since the beginning of the show. What happens next is for Fighter he has to choose to finally accept that he cares a lot, a lot , a lot about Tutor, he finally starts to learn more about this person he loves and he starts to want to protect and keep Tutor happy and by his side. When it comes to finally choosing to let go of Hwa and choose to fight for Tutor and start knowing if he feels the same way. It’s a leap of faith he takes when he breaks up with Hwa. He realises he’s the one stopping his wishes from happening with Tutor because he keeps being in denial about what they are because he’s scared it’s only him that’s gay and has feelings for the other.

It’s only after tutor sister tells him that he’s holding back his feelings does he realise that it’s time to talk about their unstable relationship and Fighter at that moment had also come to terms with his break up with Hwa after making out with tutor revealed the truth, that’s why on the rooftop they do a test that ultimately breaks their walls down and choose to give in to their feelings no matter how scared they are about it being reciprocated. When Tutor looks away and loses the game it’s a symbol to Fighter that he’s also been the same as him from the start. Tutor looks away sadly thinking he’s the one who has the feelings but Fighter just loses it and lets him know its equal which is why I love that scene so much because for so long both of them because of IH has been avoiding thinking the other had the same feelings for them when they both from the start have felt love for a long time. And from then they go on a journey to learn about what this means, if it’s real feelings and not just attraction hence their beach vacation which is essentially them asking if they could love each other and be in a real relationship, and if they can take on their obstacles around them. The beach solidifies for them their feelings so they choose each other for life hence the earring and necklace. But it’s fast paced how they feel because it’s just confirmation, now Tutor starts to realise that Fighter is actually different than he thought he was and he falls so fast, he now realises how much he loves Fighter and how much Fighter made him want to fight for his happiness and life. Tutor has not had hope for happiness and ease in his life, because he’s always had to fight to survive on his own. So when Fighter shows up like a prince charming and constantly is connected to saving him time and time again, it’s exactly him realising there’s someone who does represent that hope that he’d be fine. Hence why the final obstacle is Tutor regressing and starting to think because of IH and society that he and Fighter are just a pipe dream.

They go back to face the world only for Fighters father to bring back all the fear, internalised homophobia and obstacles they had. Fighter panics and thinks he was right; the reason why he never told Tutor his feelings was because he was afraid the other would break his heart (was not gay, did not have feelings for him, would make fun of him etc) so when Tutor breaks up with him he loses his mind after trying hard to let go. When he sees that actually Tutor is taunting him and is still flirting with a guy, not him, he proceeds drunk and upset to try and get back moments from the beach scene/ past make out scenes to keep that spark alive but realises Tutor is not okay this time and he’s the one forcing it. He also acted out because with them the truth comes out each time they’re physical with other romantically. It’s a kiss that caused them to finally tell each other how they felt. That’s always been the way they break their walls down.

It’s what causes him to break down and finally reveal the truth he’s loved Tutor since he met him, he’s just been afraid of all that’s happening even if it’s happening he still wants to be with Tutor. Tutor however breaks his heart even more so he backs off. Tutor on the other hand is broken and mentally exhausted back to depression, back to having to fake being strong and deal with the futility of hope and joy in his life as he’s always been used to. He gets seen by Fighter and doesn’t have it on him to fight him away, so decides to stay in an idealistic fantasy, tells him to hold him and breaks his walls down again. Tutor is always having to fake being strong because it’s how he survives so whenever Fighter enters his world his vulnerability scares him, that’s why his sister gives him the image of a cactus. He’s tough and sharp or pretends to be with his demeanour but actually he’s just a boy who wants to be happy and be safe and survive. So when Fighter shows up at his weakest moments, as he struggles to deal with his mental exhaustion and heart break, he gives in  because again Fighter represents to him that hope. He starts to waver and want to stay in that lie for a long time with Fighter. Hence when he wakes up and Fighter is gone he thinks its all over and he finally breaks down completely.

Only when Fighter goes he breaks down in anguish truly thinking he lost him. Fighter finally comes out to his dad and fights his views, And we end up back at the beach, a place which represented authenticity and truth for them, it’s their truest realest self, but it also was their escapism. So Fighter coming there and letting Tutor know there’s no more obstacles in their way makes them both finally equally start a stable relationship with no more fear or care about anything. These twos relationship is full of tension and they both feel the chemistry, like magnets their bodies are drawn together, every scene they’re in, it’s their love language physical touch not bl fan service. They just naturally want to be in contact with each other and also their pent up feelings leads to them constantly wanting to sleep together because of hormones and well because they enjoy their se*ual life, nothing bad about that it’s realistic for couples to be that horny, that needy and that touchy.

It’s people who don’t get the context of internalised homophobia and what being in the closet is like for people with this anxiety and self hate caused by how they think society views them and treats them if out, those are the people who think there was no plot. Every dialogue these two had, their flashbacks and their acting (eyes, facial gestures, touches) showed why Fighter liked teasing Tor, why he dated Hwa but never paid her attention, why we had the beach scenes, why the break up escalated, why Tutor gave in when ill, why the non/dubious consent scene happened, why they get back together and why they told each other I love you forever immediately after they got together. Every single part adds up. It really is insane to me how people don’t see their real story to this day or see them as such a great storyline for BL. I would never get it.

[pinkjeanist]

“the budding trees” || tamaki amajiki

     ⟹ After falling and crippling yourself in the woods, the forest spirit comes to your aid. [forest spirit/fairy tamaki - 2.6k words]

a/n: i thought of @knifeewifee​ while i wrote this just bc i know tamaki’s her fave, so consider this a pre-gift for another fic i’ll write for you soon, manda!!! this fic was completely based off of the idea of tamaki with antlers, which im going absolutely batshit for rn, and also because he’d make a cute lil fairy. if you guys want more of this, id be really happy to write more!!! i really like this idea, and i could make it a little series like the minecraft with shiggy, yanno? anyway, bone apple tit!!! [navigation]

There’d always been something a little odd about that forest, to say the least.

The trees were spaced considerably apart, with winding roots and huge canopies that held tens of bird nests at a time. In the morning there was always mist that kissed the earliest rays of sunlight. The streams were always clear, no matter how much washing was done in them from your small village on the outskirts of the woods. And every now and again, a white stag could be seen far away through the underbrush, just out of reach and swiftly out of sight. It was like something out of a storybook. Maybe that’s what made it so strange. 

You’d never ventured too deep. You’d gather what you needed, be it berries or nuts or firewood, and you’d scramble back to your village before sunfall. There’d never been anything threatening in the forest- at least, you hadn’t seen any bears or wolves there in your life- but to be there at night seemed...intrusive. That was the first word that came to mind, though you weren’t quite sure what was so intrusive about it. It was all just very odd. 

But there was one day you’d ventured out too far, too close to sundown, and found yourself rushing through the trees and over the winding roots to try and beat nightfall. The forest wasn’t so kind that night, however, as you tripped over one of the roots and toppled straight down the side of an overhang. 

Your first thought upon opening your eyes was: “Something’s broken.” You could feel the hurt, though you were sure you would have been able to feel much more of it if you weren’t so in shock. So you laid there, and cried after a while when feeling started coming back to your broken leg as the night loomed o’er. 

The patch of mushrooms beneath you glowed azure and violet, something you’d never seen from any forest, and the fireflies didn’t disperse with the lateness of the hour- instead, they began to grow closer, looking down at you before quickly flying off again. Then a badger came along, peering down from the overhang. You expected it to gouge out your eyes, but instead it made a strange noise, and hurried off just as the badger had. You felt strangely alone once it had gone. 

There was no one for a mile at least, you knew, and they would have been asleep by now. There was no chance at help until morning. You weren’t even going to try and stand; you already knew your leg was beyond repair. If, by chance, you were rescued, they would probably have to amputate it, like you’d seen happen to one of the village elders when you were younger. You’d always dreaded that happening. You guessed you had no choice.

The whole forest floor seemed to start glowing just as the mushrooms were; the azure and violet met brilliant luminescent greens, and you swore you could see something twinkling gold somewhere far away. It gave you something to focus on instead of the pain in your leg that you were becoming increasingly aware of. 

But then, from above the overhang, you could hear something approaching from the underbrush. You cried louder, unable to do much else, hoping it was a person. 

From the overhang, a white stag peered down, just as the badger, had. But unlike the badger, it slowly made its way down the hillside to find you, looking down at your twisted leg. It then called out to the forest, low and blaring, until a human pair of eyes peered down from the overhang after it. Well, they looked human, but you couldn’t be sure from the colossal pair of antlers on its head.

You closed your eyes and assumed you were already dead. 

Only, you were surprised to find that you weren’t when they opened again, this time to the inside of a little cottage of sorts. The gentle sunlight streamed through the open window and shined on a singular small room, its walls covered in shelves that overflowed with bowls and bottles. You were on a bed against the only open wallspace other than the small wash basin and counter beneath the window, and just to make sure you weren’t dead, you wiggled your toes.

You wiggled the toes of both feet, and only realized what that meant when you recalled what had happened before. 

A round little bird came to sit on the windowsill as you shot up out of bed, looking down at your legs. The one that had been broken still ached, perhaps too much to stand, but it was healed nonetheless. The bird chirped at you from its perch, and you looked at it hoping it would provide some answers to your countless questions.

Instead, the door opened, and the man with antlers ducked through the doorway with a bowl under his arm. His eyes widened at you when he looked up.

“Oh! U-Uhm, you’re…” He stared, seeming almost frightened, and you couldn’t help the initial dread that sparked in your chest. However, just as you were calming down, he set his bowl down on a stool next to the door and turned around to leave. You reached out a hand as if he wasn’t across the room. 

“Wait! Wait, please!” His hand was still on the door as he turned slowly his head, back still facing you. “I have...ah, a lot of questions, if you don’t mind.” 

You looked down at the little chair by your bed. He must have been sitting in it when he was healing your leg. “Uhm...can you come sit, please?”

His hands gripped the white, silk tunic that flowed around his figure, swallowing before finally turning towards you. He made hesitant steps towards you, in a way that reminded you of a real deer. You stayed still as he came to sit in the chair next to you.

You cleared your throat, trying to twist your body to at least partially face him before giving up. “Ah...what’s your name?” You asked. 

His hands wringed together in his lap. “Tamaki…” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Tamaki,” You smiled, then looking up to his antlers again. “Are you, ah...human?”

“No- no, uhm…” He swallowed, refusing to look at you. “I-I’m a fairy. Of this forest. The fairy- guardian- uhm…” 

“You’re the spirit of this forest?” You inclined, an old tale coming to mind. He finally met your eye, nodding furiously as he looked back down at his lap. His antlers almost hit you as he nodded, seeing as how they were really large. They seemed as tall as his chest, and fanned out even more so. The bird from the sill came to sit on them, as did another. 

You fiddled with the hem of the blanket. “My mother once told me a story about forest spirits. She said they were devious trickers to any humans who encountered them.” You looked up to find him gazing back, his nervousness faded with how much he was focusing on you. “You don’t seem too devious, though. You seem rather kind.” 

“I...we’ve only just met.” 

“I know,” You smiled again. You then inclined, “How long was I asleep?”

“Just the night,” He answered, looking down at your leg beneath the blanket. 

“You healed me overnight? How?”

His hands wringed together again. “Uhm...herbs-” He pointed to the bottles and bowls lining the shelves. “-and water, and- and magic.” 

You nodded over to the bowl he’d left by the door. “Were you going to heal me again?”

“Oh, no- I uhm-” He stood, quickly making his way to the door. His antler nearly knocked a bottle off of a shelf before he quickly caught it. You kept your giggles to yourself as he brought the bowl back to the bed. “-I was going to wash the herbs off. Replace them.” 

“Oh, I see.” You pulled the blanket back, realizing he’d dressed you in one of his floor-length tunics. You almost blushed at the thought of him having seen you undressed before you realized that nudity probably didn’t mean much to a fairy. But even with this assumption, you still watched him swallow as you pulled the tunic up to expose your leg to him.

It was wrapped in a fine white cloth, now stained green with the herbs packed beneath it, seeping through like dye. You saw him hesitate in reaching out, so you gave him a nod, trying again to shift your leg towards him and finding a bit more success than you had before. He started at our ankle where it was tied and slowly unwound it, careful not to let any of the now-used herbs touch the sheets. 

He grabbed the bowl and brought a wet cloth tentatively to your leg. His hand began to shake as the cloth made contact with your herb-stained skin, but you didn’t shy away. 

“Oh- I-I’m so sorry, I should have been more careful-” He began to apologize profusely, and you grabbed his wrist before he could pull away. Your eyes met his as you brought it slowly back to your leg. “I’m...I’m sorry…” 

“I’m fine, Tamaki. You can keep going. You have nothing to apologize for.” You let go of his wrists to instead grip the sheets for leverage. “Of course, for even as much as you have kindly healed me, it will still hurt- but no matter. You may do your work. I do not shatter so easily.” 

He bit his cheek as he looked between you and your leg. You sucked in a breath. “Though...if you wouldn’t mind...I feel I may find this easier to bear if you’d be so kind as to hold a conversation with me?”

Tamaki dipped the rag back into the bowl as it ran a bit dry. “Uhm...what kind of conversation?”

“Well, I’d like to know you better, if you don’t mind discussing yourself. 

“I-I’m afraid I do,” He stuttered, slowly ringing out the rag, “but only because I don’t find much about myself worth sharing.” 

“What nonsense!” You said, and he looked up at you with wide eyes. “You’re a fairy! No one knows much of fairies, much less of you! There is so much to discuss, Sir Tamaki!” 

He blinked, and slowly brought the rag back to your leg. You were too busy staring at him to flinch. “Well- ah, what would you like to know?”

You spent the next half hour asking countless questions about his species and his life as he cleaned your leg, and then continued to do as much as he pressed more wet herbs into your skin and muttered little spells under his breath. He told you how he was born from the trees, though he couldn’t quite remember it, and how he’d always been on his own. He’d only met a few humans in his lifetime, and sheepishly admitted that none had been as interesting or forgiving as you (you didn’t ask what he meant by “forgiving”). He said that the stag was the forest’s heart, and that he was the forest’s breath. It was all very strange indeed, but alas, you couldn’t keep yourself from hanging onto each and every word as if it were scripture. 

Tamaki must have grown tired of talking about himself, for as he finished wrapping and healing your leg, he began to ask about you. 

“I live in a village just at the edge of the forest,” You said, picking again at your blanket. “I don’t do much else but wash and sew clothes for others. I probably won’t have much to do until I’m married, anyway.” 

“I’ve heard of marriage,” He said, “though not much good of it.” 

“It’s not very good at all. At least, for me, I think. There’s no one I fancy spending the rest of my life with in my village, much less bearing children with. I’m just fine sewing men’s trousers.” 

“You’re not happy,” He said, more as an observation than a statement. You nodded. He looked down at his lap and picked at his tunic. “I don’t think I’m happy, either.” 

“Why do you think that?” You spoke, your voice growing soft. He shifted closer with a sigh.

“I...It’s very lonely, out here. Which is silly of me, I know.” 

“No, I don’t know. Why would you find that silly?” Your hand moved to rest comfortingly on his knee. He swallowed again. 

“Well...fairies are very...independent creatures. We live only to breathe life into trees. There is no need for another, and very rarely any longing for another, as well. And yet...when the birds stop singing at night...it all becomes rather quiet.” 

Your brow furrowed in thought. Though you hadn’t put much consideration into your next words, you were sure of yourself when you offered: “In that case, perhaps when I am healed, I can visit you?” 

Tamaki blinked up at you, and you smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s just...we are both so unhappy without another to keep good company. So...I would like to be your friend, if you’ll have me.” 

His eyes grew wet with emotion, and his hand slid over your own on his knee. You smiled even brighter at his touch. 

“If I may be so honored.” With shaking hands, he brought your knuckles to his lips, kissing them delicately before resting it back on his knee. Your chest blossomed at the feel of it. “Though...I am not quite sure what companionship entails. I’m sorry.” 

“You’ve nothing to apologize for,” You repeated, leaning forward. Tamaki smiled back. “I’d be more than happy to teach you of companionship. I’m certain you’ll find it easier and much less daunting than it seems.”

He studied you for a long moment, antlers tilting just slightly with his head, and you couldn’t help but grin at the sight. He nodded warmly in return. “I’ll take your word for it.” 

You spent your time in bed chatting until you were well enough to walk that evening. In the morning, when it was time to return to your village, he lifted you effortlessly and set you on the back of the stag (who was so tall, it was hard to mount even as it sat for you) and led you to the outskirts of the forest. He stopped just far enough away that you wouldn’t be spotted by the townspeople and helped you off of the stag.

Your hands remained on his shoulders from where you’d used him as support, beaming up at him. “You have been so incredibly kind, Tamaki. When will I see you again?”

“A-As soon as you’re able,” He smiled, gesturing to your still-aching leg. You noticed that his stutter wasn’t so much from anxiousness as it had been before, and instead sounded with the implication of another meeting, another little adventure. It brought a warmth to your chest. “I’ll find you at night. You just have to wish for me, and I’ll feel you in the forest, wherever you are.”

“Thank you, Tamaki.” You stood on the toes of your good leg and pressed a gentle kiss into his cheek, perhaps as payment for the kiss he’d left on your knuckles before. His cheeks were flushed bright red when you pulled away, and you could feel your own heating with it. Your hands slipped from his shoulders as you stepped back. “Farewell, for now.” 

“Farewell…” You took one last look at him before turning and limping back towards your village. You didn’t hear the stag set off for another minute or so behind you, but you couldn’t blame him. A part of you wished you could stay with him forever. 

But, perhaps, some things come only with time...

-

taglist: @keigos-dove​ @/knifeewifee (already tagged uwu), @wesparklebitch​, @hanniejji​ @bvnnyclouds​, @katsukis-sad-angel​ @ushissugarcube​

- dm/inbox to be added or removed from a taglist. 

[clumsyclifford]

good morning 💕 (morning for me anyway) so firstly waking up to a new spidey au part is amazing & then a cute jalex prompt is even better 🙈 also i'm very excited to listen to the happy recs 😊

anyway since i had a night of too many vivid dreams i'd like to request "33. Kiss in a dream" with lashton, please? -fiancee

good morning! except you sent this at almost 4am for me and now it’s 9pm so not really morning either way but i accept the sentiment. i’m very happy u liked the fics and i hope u like the recs <3 AND i hope you like THIS fic. i fell down a rabbit hole of 5sos family instagrams so we also get a jack scene because, you know, i love him. xoxo

-

“Had a weird dream last night,” Luke yawns, trekking into the kitchen. Jack’s sitting on the counter, looking at his phone with a mug of coffee in his left hand. 

“Yeah?” Jack says. He doesn’t look up. “What about?”

Luke frowns. He probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, but whatever. It’s just a dream. “Have you ever kissed someone in a dream?”

Now Jack does look up, grinning. “Oh shit, really? First dream kiss! Congrats, Lukey, that’s a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Luke says defensively. He doesn’t want it to be a big deal. He has weird dreams all the time, and those aren’t big deals. Just because in this one he’d kissed his friend, doesn’t make it a bigger deal than the one where he’d been invisible in a broken-down elevator with Green Day.

“Who’d you kiss?” Jack prods, then takes a sip of his coffee. “Someone I know?”

Luke blushes. “No,” he says, except he’s always been a terrible liar.

“It totally is,” Jack says. Luke turns away, reaching for the loaf of bread on the counter and pulling out two slices. “It is! Who was it?”

“I don’t want to tell you,” Luke says, putting the bread in the toaster. 

“If I guess it, will you tell me?”

Luke sighs. “Fine.”

“Calum.”

“No, oh my God!”

“Well, I don’t know,” Jack says, holding up his hands in surrender. “Uh, Calum’s sister?”

“No.”

“...Michael?”

“No.” Luke makes a face. “Michael? Really?”

“I’m just going down my mental list of your friends,” Jack says. He gives Luke an impassive look. “There aren’t that many of them, you know. I’m bound to get it eventually.”

“Maybe it wasn’t one of my friends,” Luke challenges.

Jack waves him off. “No, it definitely was, or you’d have told me. Okay, who haven’t I said. Calum, Michael…Ashton? Was it Ashton?”

Luke reddens. He turns back to the toaster. “No.”

“It was Ashton!” Jack crows. “Hey, no shame, mate! Ashton’s cute.”

“He is not.”

“You don’t think Ashton is cute?”

Luke splutters. “He’s — that’s not the point! Stop it,” he says, pointing a finger at Jack. “I didn’t ask to dream-kiss him, okay? I’m not in control of my dreams.”

“They’ve got to come from somewhere, though,” Jack says. He grins. Jack always grins like he’s going to make fun of Luke, whether or not he actually is. “It’s fine, bro, you can want to kiss Ashton if you —”

“I don’t want to kiss Ashton!” Luke insists.

“You wouldn’t have dreamed it if you didn’t,” Jack says.

“That’s so not true! I dream weird shit all the time that I don’t actually care about.”

“Yeah, but it’s a kiss, Luke. That’s not just some random weird shit. That’s a real thing you actually dreamed about doing with a person you know. Your friend.” Jack gives him a meaningful look. “Who you think is cute.”

“This is why I don’t tell you this kind of thing,” Luke says, scowling. “It was just a dream.”

Jack shrugs. “If you say so. I don’t care.” He takes another sip of his coffee. Luke makes a face. He can’t fathom that Jack actually enjoys coffee. It smells awful. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Tell Ashton?”

“Yeah,” Jack says. “If it was just a dream, you might as well. If someone snogged me in a dream I’d want to know.” Luke supposes he’d want to know, too. Jack has him cornered, too, because if he says no, of course I won’t tell Ashton, Jack will point a victorious finger — so it wasn’t just a dream after all! But he really doesn’t want to tell Ashton, because that’s a weird thing to tell. And even if he prefaces it with this doesn’t mean anything at all, I just thought you’d be interested to know, it’s still weird. Ashton will think it’s weird.

(Also, maybe Luke has a small crush on Ashton, maybe. And he really doesn’t want to jeopardize their friendship, which is still so new.)

“Sure,” he lies. “I’ll tell him.”

Jack shakes his head and drains the last of his coffee. “You will not.”

“Why would you ask if you’re just going to argue when I say I will?” Jack laughs. “Whatever, Luke, fine. Let me know what he says.”

“I will,” Luke says stubbornly, forgetting that this is a lie. He’s not going to tell Ashton, right? He can just make something up. Yeah, he said good for me, and everything’s aces! Yeah, right. Jack’s seen through every single one of Luke’s lies this morning. Luke should invest in lying lessons, or else he’s not going to get very far at all.

“Good,” Jack says, hopping down off the counter. “And it’s your day to take the trash out, don’t forget.”

“I know,” Luke says. Jack puts his mug in the sink.

“Have fun at band practice,” he says as a farewell, and then retreats from the kitchen, maybe to go do homework or, more likely, play Fifa. Luke scowls at his back. There’s a reason he doesn’t share embarrassing shit with his brothers (Jack, specifically) anymore.

He reaches for Jack’s mug and rinses it out so the coffee doesn’t dry at the bottom, then grabs a plate for his toast and retrieves the Vegemite. The dream is exiled to the back of his mind, and he doesn’t think about it the rest of the morning.

(Doesn’t think about how much he’d like to remember exactly how it had felt, because all things considered it’s not like he’s ever going to get closer to kissing Ashton, and already the details are slipping through his fingers, until all he can remember is the warmth in his chest from knowing that someone like Ashton could have ever wanted to kiss someone like Luke.)

-

“Okay, we need to take a break,” Michael declares, setting aside his guitar. Michael’s not the boss of them, but Luke is inclined to agree. He’s getting bored of playing “I Miss You” over and over, and anyway he needs water. “Five minutes.”

“Five,” Ashton repeats, firmly. “And then everyone back here.”

“Sick,” Luke says, also putting his guitar down. “I’m getting water, anybody want?”

All three of his bandmates raise their hands, and Luke sighs. “I can’t carry four cups of water.” “I’ll help,” Ashton says, leaping to his feet. Calum coughs, and Ashton shoots him a look. Luke just smiles gratefully, and together they head to the kitchen.

“I really like that song,” Ashton says as Luke reaches for four plastic cups from the cabinet. 

“Me too,” Luke says. “Fun chords. And the ending is cool.”

“Yeah,” Ashton says, although he probably wouldn’t know fun chords from boring ones. But Luke appreciates the effort. 

“It looks fun to do on the drums, or,” Luke makes hitting gestures with his hands, “the cajón. You know.”

Ashton mirrors his movements, laughing. “Yeah,” he says. “It is, yeah.”

“Alright, look.” Luke scowls, but Ashton just pats his shoulder, and the look disappears pretty quickly.

“It’s fine,” he says, taking one of the cups out of Luke’s hands and thrusting it under the tap. “Tap water is fine, right?”

“Unless you see someplace else to get water,” Luke says, making a show out of glancing around the room. Ashton rolls his eyes. The smile doesn’t disappear from his lips. Luke likes that about Ashton, that he’s always smiling.

“So how are you?” Ashton asks. “I mean, aside from rehearsal? How was your morning? How were you yesterday?”

“One question at a time,” Luke jokes. “Fine, all fine. I mean, I didn’t sleep much last night because of homework, and then Jack was making fun of me this morning, but you know.”

“Making fun of you for what?”

“My —” Luke breaks off. He can’t stop now, or it’ll seem very suspicious, but they’re getting dangerously close to uncharted waters. “Just a weird dream I had.”

“Ooh, I love weird dreams,” Ashton says conspiratorially, handing off one full cup to Luke and swapping it for an empty one. “What was it?”

“No, it wasn’t that weird,” Luke tries to say, but Ashton’s face starts to fall, and Luke doesn’t want to be responsible for that. “I mean, it was just — I kissed someone, in my dream. Which was really strange. I’ve never had a dream-kiss before.”

Ashton raises an eyebrow. “Get it,” he says, and Luke ducks his head, laughing through the nerves. His face is surely burning red by now. “Who’d you kiss?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Luke says emphatically. Attempting to change to subject, he adds, “Anyway, that was right after I found out I was adopted and Billie Joe Armstrong was my real dad all along.”

“Did you kiss Billie Joe Armstrong?”

“Ew, Ashton, I just said he was my dad in my dream!”

“Well I don’t know what kind of freaky shit your mind comes up with!”

“No,” Luke says vehemently. “It was a friend, oh my God.”

Ashton immediately looks more interested. “A friend?”

Fuck. “Well,” Luke says diplomatically, “more like just a person that I know in real life. Not necessarily a friend. Could be someone from school. Or, like.”

“So a friend,” Ashton says, a teasing smile on his lips. “I can see why Jack made fun of you for this. Why don’t you just tell me who it was? I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“You will laugh,” Luke says. “I don’t want to tell you.”

“Come on,” Ashton wheedles. “What’s the worst that could happen? Can I guess?”

“No,” Luke says, because that’s exactly how Jack had gotten him this morning, and he’s not going to make the same mistake twice. “Nothing bad will happen. It’s just weird, and I don’t want to say.”

Ashton rolls his eyes. They’ve filled all four cups of water now, and there’s no reason for them to linger by the sink, yet Ashton looks like he’s not planning to move. “You don’t have to tell me,” he says. “I just thought you could. Because we’re friends. You know. If you really don’t want to, then I’m not going to make you.”

Luke stares at him, guilt rolling around his stomach. That’s not fair. Ashton’s totally manipulating him, and Luke knows that, and it shouldn’t be working, and Luke wishes it weren’t working, but it is.

Fuck. It totally is.

“Fine,” Luke sighs. “I’ll tell you, but promise you won’t make it weird?”

“I won’t make it weird,” Ashton swears.

Luke worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He picks up a cup and takes a long drink from it. “Okay, well, it was you,” he finally says, looking down at the tiles of the kitchen floor so he doesn’t have to see the look on Ashton’s face.

A beat.

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Another beat. “That’s nice. How was I?”

Luke looks up. “Don’t make fun of me,” he says.

“I’m not!” Ashton says quickly. He cracks a smile but it’s a little uncertain. “I just want to be sure your first dream-kiss was an enjoyable experience.” Luke groans. “This is weird,” he says. “You’re making it weird.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“Well, you are. I take it back. Pretend I never said anything.” Luke takes his cup of water and moves past Ashton, but Ashton grabs his arm.

“Luke, just calm down a second. Sorry if I sounded like I was making fun. I’m just, um, I guess I’m just wondering —” He clears his throat. “Like, maybe it would be nicer in real life than in a dream?”

Slowly, Luke turns, fingers tightening around his cup. “What? Like, kissing in real life?” 

Ashton is blushing. Luke’s never seen Ashton blush before, but he’s definitely doing it now, cheeks turning patchy pink as he rubs a hand across the back of his neck. “Well, I don’t know. Yeah. I mean, it’s not really fair that you got to have a dream about kissing me and I’ve still never kissed you, in dreams or otherwise.”

“What?” Luke says dimly. “You don’t want to kiss me.”

“Well,” Ashton says, “I can pretend I don’t, if you want. I just thought — I’ve never kissed anyone in a dream that I didn’t want to actually kiss in real life, so I figured —”

“Yes, I want to kiss you,” Luke says boldly, over the sound of his heart battering his chest. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Ashton says, frowning. “I wouldn’t joke about this, what kind of person do you think I am?”

“I know, I just, um, you’re you? And I’m me,” Luke says, gesturing between them like this is some big revelation. “So I’m taking a moment to process.”

“Oh,” Ashton says. “Well, take all the time you need.”

Luke stares at him. It occurs to him that Ashton is waiting to kiss him, and that thought fills his whole body with butterflies. “Okay, I’m done,” he says, even though he’s not really, and could spend hours trying to reconcile the idea of Ashton as a person with Ashton wanting to kiss Luke and probably still come up empty. 

“That was fast,” Ashton says. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Yeah,” Luke breathes, setting his cup of water down on the counter. Ashton smiles and shuffles closer. He presses both palms to the sides of Luke’s face, and Luke’s eyes flutter shut, soaking up the heat of Ashton’s hands against his skin. Already this is better than his dream, a hundred times better. 

Then Ashton presses their lips together, gently, and all thoughts of Luke’s dream dissipate, replaced by real Ashton, actually kissing him, in real life, in Michael’s kitchen. He’s pretty sure his hands are shaking from the excitement.

Ashton pulls away and smiles, and Luke smiles back, then ducks his head, feeling far too nervous to look Ashton in the eyes.

“So?” Ashton prompts, which makes Luke look up again. “Better than the dream?”

“Oh,” Luke says, smiling like an idiot, “so much better.”

Ashton looks pleased, and Luke hopes he dreams of kissing Ashton again tonight, just so he can wake up and remember that he’s actually done it for real. 

[rvmmm21]

Could u please consider a yandere wenseulrene story where Irene and Seulgi are aggressive/obsessive and tries to play nice but eventually just pins Wendy and takes it from her whether she like it or not ? Thank u so much !

oof yes i can try. seulgi’s a new one for me haha. it’s been a little while since i wrote yandere. (i don’t condone this irl! just fiction).

[yandere!seulrene x officegirl!wendy]

tw : noncon, harassment.

...

For the most part, Seungwan could ignore it. The passing compliments, little winks here and there, the ‘accidentally’ brushing themselves up against her when they were waiting for the lift. If it were anyone else, these not so subtle hint drops and attempts at flirting wouldn’t have stood. But Son Seungwan was the kindest girl at work, shy and non-confrontational, making herself the perfect target, heaven-sent, for the disturbing infatuation of her two creepy, obsessive managers.

Bae Joohyun and Kang Seulgi; for two women who worked hand in hand to run a nation-wide corporation, you’d expect them to know how to share by now.

Of course, it was all happiness and sunshine when they had Seungwan alone in their office to discuss the monthly revenue or any potential liabilities; the women were content to share amongst themselves. But it came to a point where any interaction between Seungwan and anyone who wasn’t either Joohyun or Seulgi was downright unacceptable. Stealthy pupils would follow her every movement every day, stalking from the shadows, the sound of someone else making Seungwan giggle or sigh igniting a raging jealousy deep within. Call it frightening naivety, but Seungwan didn’t really pick up on any of it. Not initially, anyway. But very slowly, she began to pay closer attention to what lay behind those eyes, the hidden suggestiveness when they had her in their office for something as simple as a cup of water, the creepiness behind those ‘you look really cute today, Ms. Son’s’ and ‘you should wear that more often’s’ that should’ve been blaring red alarms in her face a long time ago.

However, not having been the subject of an obsession this strong before, Seungwan was at a loss when it came to how she’d handle it. Could she just tell them to bugger off and leave her alone? Of course not! There was no way on earth she was going to be rude to her superiors; plus, personal inclination aside, she really wasn’t planning on getting fired anytime soon.

It was all part and parcel of being an adult in the workplace, wasn’t it?

… …          

It was late, and Joohyun had the younger woman wrapped in her arms as they sat on the sofa, just talking, like they did almost every night. After a while, Seulgi shifted to face Joohyun, who hummed questioningly.

“Unnie… Seungwan seems pretty blur. Have we not done enough? Is she purposely ignoring us, do you think? I’m getting tired.”

Seulgi watched as a familiar darkness flickered in her girlfriend’s eyes.

“Quite probably, yes,” she replied, pushing herself up and away so she had space to think. Furrowed brows, chin in palm and a fixed gaze meant that Joohyun was in action-plan mode, and the other girl couldn’t stop her growing smile as she waited for a taste of her girlfriend’s brilliant mind.

Seulgi waited till Joohyun had finished before chipping in, “Oh my… you don’t think that’ll scare her too much? She seems so fragile.”

“She just needs a little push,” the latter insisted, already devising another potential plan, “sweet girl like her? Probably hasn’t even had her first kiss yet. We’ll show her how it’s done.”

“Hm, okay yeah. Little push,” Seulgi parroted, slowly nodding.

How ‘little’ that push would be, however, was entirely dependent on how easy their victim made it for herself. They were quickly losing their patience, despite having done everything right. They’d been nothing but nice thus far, so if Seungwan still wasn’t chomping down on the bit, they’d just have to yank harder on the reigns.

Enough playing nice.

… …

It was past 5pm, and everyone had left.

Except for Seungwan, naturally. Joohyun had given her work to keep her back late after everyone had checked out.

“Such a good girl,” Seulgi whispered, both of them watching the back of their hardest worker through a creek in the door, “no complaints?”

Joohyun shook her head. “Not one.”

The task she’d been presented with wasn’t difficult. It was just filing. Something they both knew Seungwan was miles too overqualified to do but was simple and time consuming enough that she’d be the last one in the building. If the girl was upset or offended in any way, she certainly did a good job at hiding it, because she’d just accepted the work with a graceful ‘of course, miss’.

Joohyun secretly smiled. Sweet girl really did take whatever came at her.

… …

“All done, miss.”

The bright voice had both women snapping their attention to their pretty little employee, who was stood in the doorway, neat pile of folders balanced in one arm.

“Ah, very good,” Seulgi said, swiftly transferring the folders over to the desk as the other woman rounded it, leaning against its surface, long, lean legs crossed over one another and an imperceptible look on her face. It was an extremely attractive look, no lies, but Seungwan felt a quirk of unease at the way her manager’s eyes were studying her so… thoroughly.

The girl did her best not to let her eyes linger anywhere inappropriate for too long.

“Uh…” she paused to clear the thickness in the throat, anxiously twiddling the sleeves of her cardigan behind her back, “i-if that’s all, may I be excused?”

“Not quite, Ms. Son,” Joohyun said, arms crossed out in front of her, creasing her suit jacket ever so slightly, “please shut the door.”

Confused but complicit, Seungwan did as she was told.

“Lock it.”

“Oh s-sorry, wh-what?”

It only took about two seconds of silence before she ended up clicking the lock into place, the nervous pang in her stomach, wrenching.

Both women approached her in an instant, crowding her, more and more until she found herself backed up against the wall, a hollow thud sounding from where she’d hit her head on the faux wood. Seulgi spoke first.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

The girl in question flinched when Joohyun closed the remaining distance between them, reaching a hand up to stroke her hair, lightly, as if she weren’t touching her at all.

Seungwan bit the inside of her cheek, unsure, “I-I’m not sure I understand, miss.”

She suddenly gasped when fingers dug into her jaw, deeply gripping, hard enough to bruise the soft skin. She met Joohyun’s leering gaze with frightened eyes, unable to speak from how strongly the woman was clamping down.

“Hope you enjoyed yourself, sweetheart. Because we’re done playing.”

She never got to ask what that meant. As soon as she opened her mouth, Joohyun’s lips were on hers. Seungwan’s eyes shot wide open and she immediately renewed her efforts at shoving her away, but the older woman couldn’t be budged, not letting up for a second as she stole the air from the girl’s lungs. She didn’t stop until Seungwan was a dishevelled, flushed mess, the arm across her chest, the wall and the thigh wedged between her legs the only things keeping her upright.

The poor thing was just so overwhelmed; every which way she turned was just more unwanted attention from the two people she wanted to get away from.

They didn’t even grant her the opportunity to catch her breath after Joohyun detached herself from her lips. Seungwan panted, trying to pull away, but that only resulted in a firm grip turning her head to the side. It was Seulgi’s turn. The rising panic caused the smaller girl to instinctively struggle but Joohyun’s free hand had already found her wrists, pinning them painfully into the girl against the wall. The older woman sneered at the sight of Seungwan being ravished like this, the power she had over her, keeping her defenceless, absolutely helpless as Seulgi selfishly took what she wanted.

Just for fun, Joohyun promptly gave her thigh a firm thrust, loving the way it elicited a surprised mewl from her, Seulgi eagerly swallowing every sound she made.

This wasn’t a kiss. She’d been violated. Kisses didn’t leave you feeling the way Seungwan felt; frozen with fear.

Just as she was trying to block it out, a hand fell to her hip, flush against the wood she was pressed into. She couldn’t see whose it was, but did it really matter at this point? Cold fingers slipped past the waistband of her skirt, bunching her panties in a fist and giving it a harsh upward tug. Seungwan jerked at the tightness. Then hands, too many to count, roamed all over her body. The touching, the groping; they were all jagged around the edges, punishing and greedy.

Seulgi grabbed a handful of blonde, roughly yanking sideways, exposing the column of her neck. She moved her attention to the girl’s throat as Joohyun kept up her assault, latching on to suck hard, violent marks into pale flesh, ignoring Seungwan pitifully begging her not to. The spots of indigo would be too fresh, too tender to even touch, let alone hide from her co-workers. But perhaps that was the point.

It didn’t progress any further, though. Clearly this was just the beginning. Seungwan was in for a lot more down the line. This was a sneak peak, as you’d have it.

Joohyun and Seulgi stepped back, composed for the most part, admiring their mess of a victim; tangled hair, lipstick smears, uncontrollable trembling. It was a wonderful thing to behold. Poor Seungwan was incapable of supporting her own weight. Her legs, tired and shocked, gave out, and her backside hit the floor. She gave a weak grunt, shakily glancing up at the lascivious women who had given her a gracious little teaser of what else they had in store.

Suddenly, she felt small and scared and confused and so, so helpless.

[anikkis-fantasirealities]

“LiVELY Legacy of Japan’s Lionized Anisinger”

➀ Personality Profile ┊ ˢʰᵉ ʷʰᵒ ˢʰᶦⁿᵉˢ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵗʸˡᵉ··· ˢᵐᶦˡᶦⁿᵍ ˢʷᵉᵉᵗˡʸ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ˢᵃˡᵘᵗᵃᵗᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒʳᵗᵉʳˢ·

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ꒰⁺˚₊·₍₍loading...₎₎ ㅤ ✎...۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪ -ˏˋ 🎤 ˊˎ-

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ

༘✶ ㊉ ㈦〘 ⅯⅯ 〙⋆｡˚𓆟 ༉ ║ Posted : ０６/１５/２１° ｡༄ ‧₊˚ ๑ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ •ଓ.° ｡❍ ㈩ ㊇

- - ——— ꒰ An article by Nicole “Nikki” Elaine S. Chua of NEU-IS ꒱

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ࿐ྂ—͙❬₊° ᶦ ᵃᵐ ᵃ ᵇˡᵒᵍᵍᵉʳ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵃˡˡ·“= ‹⸙͎

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤ ㅤ❝ Madamada iku wa yo~! ❞

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ- LiSA (Rally Go Round)

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı. ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤᴺᵒʷ ᵖˡᵃʸᶦⁿᵍ﹕ᵍᵘʳᵉⁿᵍᵉ ⁻ ᴸᶦˢᴬ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ0:11 -◦————— 3:59 ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ〔 ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ╵╻↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ╻╵⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ 〕 ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤVolume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100%

Lush, loose—lofty and lovely. Lucent and lavish—lustral, laid-back, & luxuriant. Luminous. Legendary. Limitless. Light hearted and letter-perfect. There is not enough words for me to describe her overflowing talent for music, and the impact she has created for tech-savvy usernames cheering on their favorite idols & animations alike. Nowadays, most millennials and Gen Zs go neck-to-neck with their clashing interests of two international sensations: one known for the funky beats of charismatic boys dancing in synchrony, and the other, notable for moving illustrations of all kinds of stories that allure the imagination. Yes, let’s admit it, my generation has fallen in love with the influence of K-pop and anime, though I cannot blame anyone because of the fun & happiness they bring. Do you agree with me?

Well, even if you cannot agree or relate with me, I’m sure you would be able to find this article interesting! This personality is not someone of looming authority nor power—she is not a lady from the West, nor the Northern isles or even the Southern seas. She is here: the Rising Sun’s pride and honor bestowed by a sharp katana slaying all evil. It is where that familiar tune of hers is empowered with the narrative of a young man and his breathing techniques—a tale beloved by many anime fanatics. Yes! I’d like to introduce to you, one of Japan’s famed singers of all time: 𝙇𝙞𝙎𝘼! Make your entrance, please!

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ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ 【 今日もいい日だつ 】 ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ❝ Today is another great day! ❞ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ- LiSA ╰╼|════════════════════════════════════|╾╯

My life is truly music-inclined, even if I have two left feet and a raspy, rough voice. Those foreign lyrics ring out in my head, every time I enter through the gates of Japanese culture and enter my fantasy I know so well. I mean, cool right? I can still remember how I first embraced her beginning chords in January 2020, when that song, Gurenge, was heard throughout the spacious stadium of the New Era University college department. It was the opening ceremony for Intramurals 2020, and as soon as the melody played, the crowd sang along in a noisy type of harmony.

𝙂𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙚, it means “red lotus” in English—the title of the Japanese opening theme for the animation called, “Kimetsu no Yaiba,” or more acclaimed as “Demon Slayer” by millions of anime ethusiasts across the web. I wondered what that range of vocals wanted to tell me. Those beautiful notes and the intensifying instrumental that accompanies such an epic story. Slowly, I understood why she is adored by many people, rain or shine, sun rays to lunar silhouettes. Now, here I am writing with everlasting conviction, to share everything I know about her—the reasons why that captivating rhythm, those inspiring words, and the pleasant emotions, made me sing along. So, let’s rest for a while, and I’ll tell you more about LiSA, behind the reflection of that worn out blade.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

LiSA, or Risa Oribe in real life, is a Japanese singer, songwriter, and lyricist from the Gifu Prefecture—in the small city of Seki. She is 165 centimeters tall, which is quite tall for a Japanese woman. She is known for her multiple song hits used in Japanese animation titles such as the Fate series and Sword Art Online. Though, did you know that she also sang for the music-based anime series, “Angel Beats!” as one of the main characters who so happened to be a vocalist, as well? This was LiSA’s professional song debut in the music industry, which she lunged into when she was given a chance to step onto the reknowned arena for some of Japan’s history makers: Nippon Budokan! As a kid, Risa Oribe was taught lessons in piano, dancing, and singing, which continued onto her junior high school years. After auditioning in the infamous Budokan, she held onto the dream of becoming an artist on the next journeys she would walk on outside her hometown.

Believe it or not, the name “LiSA” is an stylized acronym, consisting of confident letters that possess unique dignified meaning from one another. The stage name is adopted from a blast from the past, of the times Risa Oribe had travelled to Tokyo to form a band. “LiSA” stands for, “𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝘼𝙡𝙡” which may sound weird for English speakers, nonetheless, its significance still pulls my heartstrings all in all. Prior to becoming the individual singing artist, “LiSA,” Risa Oribe has always been a part of bands ever since high school—one of them being a cover band of indie rock music, “CHUCKY.” Despite the risk of working with the band in exchange for her accredited certificates from university, she continued to reach for her ultimate dream career as a singer. Unfortunately, “CHUCKY” only lasted for three years, and this is what led Risa Oribe to test her luck in the capital of Japan—persevering for that aspiration, because there’s no turning back now!

╭╼|════════════════════════════════════|╾╮

ㅤㅤ 【 じっと見つめた　キミの瞳に映ったボクが生きたシルシ 】

ㅤㅤ ❝ As I stare intently into your eyes, ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤmy reflection there is the proof I exist, ❞ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ- LiSA (Shirushi)

��╼|════════════════════════════════════|╾╯

LiSA’s musical influences are, surprisingly, internationally respected musicians of the English language. Some of these prominent figures in her life are Avril Lavigne, Green Day, Paramore, and Rihanna. She is well-known for memorable hyped performances filled of power and passion. Sometimes, if people are granted the opportunity to be mesmerized by remarkable skill, she is also able to play the guitar and key harmonica in her concerts. She can sing in Japanese, obviously, but her words weaved with melody extends into Chinese and English perception, too. As a songwriter, she personally wrote some of her produced masterpieces like “Shirushi” and “Rally Go Round.” Though, perhaps you’ve never would guess that LiSA had a voice acting debut in 2015, too! Don’t get your hopes up because she did not give life to any anime characters, but instead, she became the Japanese voice of Madge Nelson in the film, “Minions.” I know, don’t get me wrong, it’s a shocking difference from the person LiSA is famous for.

However, for Risa Oribe, it was not something to be shy about, for she absolutely loves Minions! For avid fans of LiSA, they would often spot sightings of Minions merchandise in her social media accounts. It’s a fact that wouldn’t make you think that she can be that intimidating performer on fire, once she leaps onto stage. She still has that gentle vibe, especially when she raises her arm to greet the audience with a simple peace sign. The dark packed venue would chant along the bridge instrumental, rapidly waving their lightsticks until the song performance is finished. It’s as if the stars have landed in a small part of Earth during the night fall, to take a day-off head banging to the beat of rock. LiSA’s concerts deliver the message that “𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝘼𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨,” as it is the running title pinned to her lives from then to now.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Speaking of which, here’s a fun fact! Did you also know that LiSA’s albums all start with the letter L? From “Letters to U” and “Launcher,” to “Leo-Nine” and the recently revealed “Ladybug,” each album has a motif that follows her musical style. LiSA’s original songs tell stories of hope, determination, and love. Ever since she released her first solo single debut, “Oath Sign,” for the anime, “Fate/Zero,” her name would never vanish from the music charts of new singles and albums in Japan. Songs like “Crossing Field,” “Catch the Moment,” and “ADAMAS,” of “Sword Art Online” were also noteworthy for their impact on LiSA’s career as a singer, not only for Japanese animations, but also for Japanese TV dramas and live-action films. Her very own, “Homura,” for the anime film, “Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba: Mugen Train” have even outstretched to the Billboard charts across the Pacific ocean!

Today, she has celebrated her 10th anniversary in the music industry—a realization that it just seems like yesterday when she got to meet her fans in different countries, go on tours to perform everyone’s favorite anime songs of hers, and made her mark as an “𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧” of the Rising Sun. That is why she is, indeed, an artist with a lively legacy to our current era—a personality deserving of a profile article from yours truly. It’s been great having you with me in this article, and I hope you were able to find admiration for LiSA and her work! Thank you for reading! I’ll see you again in another blog where my fantasies become realities! A Nikki reminder: don’t always go with the flow, and be yourself! Good day!

╭╼|════════════════════════════════════|╾╮

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ 【 生き残ったこの世界で　新しい　眩しい　 ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ 開けを迎えに行こうか 】

ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ❝ In this world I live in, there will be a new glow, ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ for now let’s welcome the new dawn! ❞ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ - LiSA (dawn)

╰╼|════════════════════════════════════|╾╯

· * ✫ * ⊹ * ˚ . . 　　· ⋆ * . * . . · . · . * · . · · + . ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ· ** ˚ . . + 　　· ⋆ * . * . . · . · . *

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ. . + 　· ⋆ * . * . . · . · .˚ ⊹ · * ✧ ⋆ · * . · . · · .. . .

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ· + ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ· * ✫ * ⊹ * ˚

ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ · ** ˚ . . + ㅤㅤ　· ⋆ * . * . . · . · .˚ ⊹ · * ✧

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ⋆ · * . · ㅤㅤ . · · .. . . · + .

ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ. · + . *

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ⋆ * . * . .

ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ . · ·

ㅤㅤ﹙dedication. ﹚ ୨˚୧ ˚ ༘♡.↳ ₊˚‧

This blog is dedicated to my sister, who is a big fan of LiSA. I am grateful that you’ve made me sing with her, forevermore.

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ﹋﹋﹌﹌﹌「 🎀 」﹌﹌﹌﹋﹋

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ┊彡 Credits

➥ Cover Edit

➫ Background

➫ Stand-out LiSA holding a microphone stand

➫ Sitting LiSA

➫ Butterfly themed LiSA

➫ Kimono LiSA

➫ "Brave Freak Out" promotional picture

➫ "Only ≠ Lonely"

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

➥ GIF

➫ "Gurenge" Music Clip ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

➥ First Blog Divider

➫ "Datte Atashino Hero" Music Video

➫ "KiSS me PARADOX" -LiVE is Smile Always ～PiNK & BLACK～ Live

➫ "No More Time Machine" Music Clip

➫ "LEO-NiNE" Limited Edition A Album Cover

➫ "LUCKY Hi FiVE" Single Cover ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

➥ Second Blog Divider

➫ Raising Arm LiSA

➫ "ASH" Single promotional picture

➫ "Unlasting" promotional picture

➫ "ADAMAS" article by Billboard

➫ "Shirushi" Music Video ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

➥ Third Divider

➫ Red-themed LiSA

➫ "Letters to ME" Music Video

➫ "Surprise" Music Video ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ

➥ Source of Information

➫ LiSA Wikipedia page

➫ LiSA’s Discography Wikipedia page

➫ Every Anime Song by LiSA fan-video compilation

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ﹋﹋﹌﹌﹌「 end. 」﹌﹌﹌﹋﹋

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ⭆ Back to Homepage ⭅

ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ Next Blog ⇨

[ravenforce]

I’ll Never Love Again

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 8023

Warning/s: Long AF, angst + fluff = FLUNGST

A/N: Hey loves, sorry it took awhile. I had an uncontrollable word vomit, lmao. First, I think you can read this one as a stand-alone but I recommend reading See You In A Minute first if you haven’t. I’ve put the link above if you wish to read that one too. Second, thanks @subjectx17 for collaborating with me and giving me so many good ideas. You’re an awesome another mother for our child, LOL. Third, italicized texts are flashbacks. Fourth, I apologize for any error. Lastly, this is the longest imagine I’ve ever written, I hope you guys don’t get bored. Please send me your feedback, reactions, etc. On the comment section or my ask box. Would really love to hear from you guys! Enjoy. xx

Part One | Part Three | Alt. Ending: Part 3B1

Wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye I would’ve said what I wanted to Maybe even cried for you

If I knew it would be the last time I would’ve broke my heart in two Tryin’ to save you

Day 1 - April

After the funeral, Natasha decided to go back to your shared apartment in the city, against Tony’s advice. She wanted nothing more than not to be alone with her thoughts right now but she needed a space to be able to break down completely. That’s yet another sign for Natasha that you’re really gone, gone with you is her safe space. As a spy, she was trained that emotions are weakness, and showing them is deadly but you provided her a space to express it without judgment, only care and support. She knows she has the best team in the world, and no matter what they will be there for her but no one can make her feel utterly, completely safe than you.

She took a deep breath before pushing the apartment door open. She didn’t open the lights, the room is illuminated enough by the city outside. She leaned most of her weight against the door as she took in the details of the house. She is immediately assaulted by the memory of your first day living in it.

It was a bright and sunny spring day when you finally moved into the apartment. You and Natasha stood at the threshold as you both looked at your open layout apartment. The space is small compared to your shared room in the compound, the floors are old wood, the walls certainly needed repainting but the huge windows are glorious; it bathes the whole room with sunlight. Natasha eyed you curiously, wondering whether you regret moving out. You turned to look at her, and her doubts vanished the moment she saw the excitement in your eyes.

Before she can say anything, you pulled her in a hug and picked her up. “Y/N put me down,” she warned. When you put her down, you didn’t pull away from her. Instead, you looked her deep in her eyes and smiled.

“Sorry, I’m just really happy,” you said. “I mean there’s a lot to work with here but this is ours. Our home,” you continued before you’re kissing her. She kissed you back with the same passion that tells you she’s happy too.

True there were things that needed repair in the apartment but you both loved putting in the work. The first few days after you moved in was hectic, you and Natasha decided to repaint the whole apartment in malted milk shade and varnish the old wood floor to give its shine back. Both of you enjoyed shopping for furniture immensely, having the affinity to the same style made it easier. It took nearly a week before all the furniture - the long leather couch, center and side tables, the carpets, kitchen appliances, and most especially the softest queen size bed - was delivered. You two stood by the door to survey the new face of your apartment.

“Welcome home beautiful,” you said as you wrap your arms around her shoulder.

She didn’t even try to stop the tears that run down her face and the sobs that escaped her lips. The apartment reeks of you; every corner, every piece of furniture hold a memory of you. But without you in it, it’s just a structure because you were her home, you always have been. That night, she cried herself to sleep while clutching your pillow and dreamt of the day she first met you.

***

You just got back from a tech convention in Europe and was eager to see your best friend Tony. When you arrived at Stark Industries everyone smiles and greets you, except for the new girl sitting by Pepper's old desk, which means she's a new secretary. Your breath caught the moment she looked up at you. She has the most beautiful eyes, albeit she's glaring at you.

"I need to see Stark," you said smiling broadly at the new girl.

"Name," she said very seriously, your smile faltered.

"(Y/N)(L/N)," you answered confidently. She stopped and looked at her computer before she looked back at you and said, "you don't have an appointment."

You blinked up at her. You never needed an appointment to see Tony ever but this woman, Natalie Rushman (as her desk plate says) has the audacity to stop you. You just came from a long flight, you're jet-lagged and exhausted. You decided to try patience one more time.

"Okay, but I still need to see Stark," you said as calmly as you could.

"Sorry, I can book you an appointment for tomorrow if you like," she said smugly. You gaped at her. Your patience is wearing thin.

"No, I need to see him now," you said before turning on your heels and walking to Tony's door.

In an instant, Natalie was beside the door with fire in her eyes and deeper frown. You tried to move past her and grab the doorknob but she caught your wrist. You frowned at contact; as much as you find her unbelievably gorgeous, you don't like it when strangers touch you.

"Unhand me, Ms. Rushman," you whispered while looking at her beautiful hand.

"Or what?" she asked.

You looked up at her eyes in defiance, you tried to turn the knob but she forcibly twists your wrist, flips you on your back and pin you with her body on the floor. The sound of your body hitting the floor and your grunting made Pepper poke her head out. She's confused when she saw you on the floor.

"What's going on here?" She asked as she steps out of the room and Natalie got off you.

"Hey, P. Uhm, I just wanted to see Tony," you said as you give her a hug.

"Go on in, he's been waiting for you," Pepper said after Natalie released you. Natalie was still glaring at you when you looked at her before entering Tony's office. Natalie sighed when you closed the door.

"You threw Y/N on the floor," it was more a statement than a question. Natalie just looked at Pepper as she started cackling, it was infectious that she just had to smile.

"She's Tony's honorary little sister and best friend. She has level 10 clearance even before I did," Pepper informed Natalie. She just nodded her head partially in agreement, and partially to hide her blush.

Inside Tony's office, he berated you for being late. "I'm sorry but your new secretary is tenacious," you said as you sat on the chair in front of his desk.

"That never stopped you before," Tony remarked.

"Yeah, all your other secretaries all found me charming. This one seems immune," you said smiling.

"That's why I hired her," he sassed making you roll your eyes at him.

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name falling off my lips

Day 2 - April

Natasha woke up with the early morning with the sun beating down her face. She blinked once, twice before she’s shutting her eyes again, unable to stand the sunlight. She rolled over and reached to your side of the bed, her heart constricted when she felt nothing but cold sheets. In an instant, her eyes started to water again. You rarely leave her in bed no matter how early you’re pulled out of sleep because you know how much she hates waking up with cold sheets, so you stay next to her and watch her beautiful face as she sleeps.

You woke up earlier than Natasha the day after you moved in. You watched her sleep peacefully next to you. Devoid of the weight of the world on her shoulder she looks younger, yet still devastatingly beautiful. Even in her sleep, Natasha has you wrapped around her exquisite and skillful fingers. You reached out to tuck an errant hair out of her face gently.

'I love you, Tasha," you whispered before you caught the first rays of sunlight peeking through the curtain.

You decided you wanted to do something special for her, so you slowly and gently rolled out of your bed to make her breakfast. You gathered all the ingredients and tools you need in the kitchen as quietly as you could so as not to disturb her sleep. You're making her pancakes and bacon, her favorite. You arranged the food in a tray with coffee, orange juice, and fresh fruits. When you turned around you were surprised to see her standing on the other side of the counter and scowling at you.

"Good morning, beautiful," you greeted with a smile but she didn't return it.

"What's wrong my love?" You asked when she just continued to look at you.

"You left me, the sheets got cold," she said with a pout on her face. You would have laughed at the silliness of it but that'll only make her mood worse. You walked around the counter and pulled her in a hug. You half expected her to push you away but she didn't.

"I'm sorry. I promise I won't ever leave you in our bed again," you said kissing her temple. She just squeezed you in response before she's reaching for a bacon strip.

She was pulled out of her miserable state when she heard someone knocking on the front door. She was inclined to ignore it but whoever was on the other side was persistent.

"Come on, Nat. It's me, open up," Tony's voice called out.

Natasha wiped the tears on her eyes and face before hauling herself out of bed. When she opened the door, Tony took one look at her before pushing his way inside. Only when Tony started unpacking various boxes of food on the counter did she actually noticed them. When Natasha joined him on the counter, he spun around and tugged her on a hug.

"I know it hurts but I promised her I'll look after you. So please, let's try to eat; Pepper and Morgan made these," Tony said against her hair.

Nat blinked away the tears that gathered in her eyes again to eat. They ate in relative silence, Tony tried to engaged her with talks of works, of Morgan, which she only listened to intently. After eating, Tony forced her to go shower while he makes tea so they can watch a movie after. When Nat walked back out on the living room in one of your hoodies, Tony is already on the couch with a steaming cup of tea from your favorite tea set and flipping through one of your photo album.

Nat sat down heavily beside him, and watch as he flips through the pages. Tony has a sad smile on his face. He was the brother you never had. He believed in your genius when everyone doubts, he provided you the agency to explore and create at Stark Industries, he guided and molded you to be the successful woman you were. He flipped another page in the album and runs his finger over a photo of you smiling with the team.

"If you know how it ends, would you prefer she never joins the team?" Tony said as he blindly looks at your photo. It’s been a recurring thought in his head; if he never recruited you, would you still be alive now?

"No," Nat said, her voice cracking. "If it means I never get to love her, no.”

Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love again I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh

Day 31 - May

It has been a month since she lost you but Nat felt like it has been forever. She felt numb every day without you by her side but today she woke up determined to try and do something other than get up, binge watch mindless TV, and sleep. She showered, got dressed in her best shirt and your leather jacket, and head to SHIELD HQ. Signature poker face in place, she walked in and ignored the looks some agents gave her and went directly to the command center where Fury and Agent Hill is.

"Natasha," Agent Hill greeted in surprise. Fury turned towards her.

"I want to go back to work," Nat answered simply.

"Is that what you think is best?" Fury asked before turning back to the monitors displaying an on-going mission. The atmosphere in the room is thick and intense.

Natasha casts her eyes on the monitor and was brought back to the time she had to watch your first mission from HQ instead of being in the field with you.

One minute they're watching your first mission with Tony on the monitors at the compound, now the screen's are pitch black. She can hear Agent Hill trying to reach you and Tony but all that can be heard on the line was static. Natasha is growing agitated by the minute, she's waiting for Fury to order her to suit up but it didn't come.

"Director, shouldn't we be sending back up?" Steve asked.

"Stand down, Agent (Y/L/N) and Stark can handle themselves," Fury said before walking away.

It's been hours since they last had contact with your team. To hell with Fury, Natasha thought. All she can think about was finding you and get you home safely. It's been almost a year since she first met you at Stark Industries, and she couldn't admit to herself that she has fallen for you. If she's being honest, how could she not?

You're a genius just like Tony but low-key, you're funny, caring, and beautiful if not a little annoying sometimes. You seemed to have developed an affinity of pushing her buttons, and being a general pain in her ass. She wasn't really annoyed though, she just doesn't want you to know that you're stupid nerdy jokes gets through her. She doesn't want you to know that she's falling for you because that's against her training as an assassin. Love is for children after all.

After another hour, Nat couldn't take it anymore. She stood up abruptly and was walking towards the door when Steve caught her arm.

"Where are you going?" Steve asked without letting her go.

"I'm going to find them," Nat answered, her blood boiling by the minute.

"Fury said," Before Steve can finish, Nat cut her off.

"Fuck what Fury said! It's been hours, Steve! For all we know, (Y/N) could be hurt or worse, dying out there and needed our help!" she shouted. The Avengers bristled at Nat's rare and blatant display of emotion.

"Agent Romanoff, miss me?"

She turned around on the spot so fast, she had whiplash. Standing at the threshold of the command center is you with minor injuries and dirty titanium suit. You smiled cheekily at her; Nat lost it with that smile. She power walked towards you with a fire burning in her eyes. Before you can say anything else, she had her hand at the back of your neck and her lips against yours. You smiled at the kiss before you closed your eyes and kissed her back.

"Agent Romanoff," Nat heard Maria call her. She blinked once, twice to clear away the memory. When she looked at Maria, she saw the concern in her eyes.

"Take a few more weeks before going back to work, Natasha," Fury said without looking back from the monitors. Natasha wanted to argue but she didn't have the energy to do so. So she just nods, smiles at Maria before walking away.

Meanwhile, at Stark Industries; Tony walked in on your lab for the first time since. He walked around your very tidy lab, reminiscing all the nights both of you spent there inventing things, fixing things, sometimes even blowing up things. He was leafing through some of the papers you left on your table when he came across your last unfinished project.

He gasped when he realized what it is. Oh, Y/N you little genius, he thought.

He turned around the lab and found what he was looking for. He looks through the glass and the little vials you kept for your project. He looked through your notes again, he can finish it. He will finish this project for you, he will finish your legacy.

When we first met I never thought that I would fall I never thought that I'd find myself Lying in your arms And I want to pretend that it's not true Oh baby, that you're gone 'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning And I'm not moving on

Day 61 - June

Tony moved your lab next to his at the cabin, it has four glass walls that allow him to see through. Sometimes he finds himself staring at the adjacent door and waiting for you to walk in with your favorite cup of coffee, and nerdy sweaters. It's been a week since he made the discovery of your last project, with minor changes in your computation, FRIDAY deemed a 99% success rate should Nat decides she wants it. Pepper walked in at the lab with a cup of coffee, Tony accepted it with a smile. Pepper sat next to him while he looks at the vial cabinet.

"If this works, it'll be groundbreaking," Tony said as he blows over his coffee.

Pepper just nods, she knows your a genius just like Tony and she's seen you invent technologies with him before but this is a breakthrough in genetics. "You should call Nat," Pepper whispered.

"I should," he answered before pulling his phone out and dialing Nat's number. It took a couple of rings before Nat picked up.

"Stark, everything all right? Morgan all right?" she asked. It warms Tony's heart that Nat cares so much for his daughter. Pepper left a kiss on his forehead before leaving the lab to give them some privacy.

"Yes, she's peachy. I need you to come to the cabin though," Tony answered. Something about his tone makes Natasha worried.

"I'll be there in a few hours," Nat said before hanging up.

An hour after, Nat arrived at the cabin. She held off all her questions and just followed Tony out back where she knows Tony's lab is. She was surprised to see the lab expanded, but was floored when they walked inside; adjacent to Tony's lab is your lab, just like how she remembered it. Even your ridiculous sign - do not disturb, unless you're my girlfriend Natasha - was still up at your door.

"You should sit down for this," Tony said mentioning for your chair. Nat raised an eyebrow at him, her heartbeat is becoming erratic.

"What's happening Stark?" she asked as she sits on your working chair.

"I found Y/N's last project," Tony paused handing Nat your notebook. She opened it but none of it made sense to her, it's all notes and formulas.

"Y/N was developing a tech to help two women conceive without the need for a sperm donor," Tony said with a pause to let it sink it. Nat gasped as she remembered.

"Hey, how many children do you want to have?" You asked while spooning her in bed, after one particularly gruesome mission.

"Why would I want children? I already have you," Nat said before letting out a laugh.

"I'm serious," you whined while pouting over her shoulder and biting her gently. She turned lightly in your arms to look at you.

"Fine, just one. The two of you will be trouble together," she answered when she saw the serious look in your eyes. You beamed at her answer.

"You bet," you said before you're peppering her face with kisses. Nat squealed and squirmed against your arms but she couldn't move away, you have your arms secured around her midsection.

"She'll be beautiful just like a mini you," you continued as you settle down and cuddled her again. You have a goofy smile on your face as you imagine a little redhead running around your apartment, jumping on your bed on early Saturday mornings to beg you to go to the park.

"I bet she'll be a nerd like you," Natasha teased. You just laughed, there's a huge chance she would be, and you would love nothing more than to geek out with your daughter or show her your lab or go to science conventions together.

"I finished it," Tony's voice cut through the haze in Nat’s head. It took a couple of seconds before she actually processed what has been said.

"It didn't take long, Y/N basically had everything right. The only question now is if you want it," Tony continued. She wanted to say something but at that moment she was gripped and overwhelmed by pain and terror. Tony walked to where she's seated and he rubbed soothing patterns at Nat's back to calm her down.

"Breath, Nat," he said calmly. When her breathing came back to normal she looked at Tony.

"No pressure Nat, it's your decision."

"I'll do it," she confirmed after a heartbeat. Tony nodded and pulled her in a hug.

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name falling off my lips Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love

Day 122 - August

After the fertilization process, Nat agreed with Pepper and Tony begging her to move in the cabin. Tony built her an extension, a complete duplicate structure of the cabin with the kitchen and the living room as the center and common room to both cabins. Nat left the apartment in the city intact but moved your valuables at the cabin. She liked living with the Starks, it keeps the loneliness at the minimum. Morgan helps her stir clear from dark thoughts by keeping her occupied on a daily basis.

It has been two months since the Starks helped Nat conceiving, and they just finished breakfast when she suddenly felt overwhelmingly nauseous. She wanted to go to the bathroom but it's a little too far, her vision is blurring, and the need to puke was incessant. She threw up violently at the kitchen sink, Pepper was behind her and holding her hair in an instant. Pepper caught Tony's eyes across the room.

"Daddy, is Auntie Nat okay?" Morgan inquired.

Tony smiled at her daughter. "Yes sweetheart, she probably just hates daddy's toasts," he joked.

Morgan bought it. "It's rather burnt daddy," Morgan answered before Tony walked to a cabinet. He the kit to Pepper.

When her heaving passed, Nat rinsed her mouth and drunk the pro-offered water from Pepper. Pepper smiled before she deposited the kit in front of her. She looked at it wearily, Pepper can see the fear in her eyes.

"Come on, I'll come with you," Pepper said. They went to the bathroom in Nat's room. It took a couple of minutes before she came back out with a dazed look on her face.

"It worked," she said as she looks at Pepper.

"Oh, Nat! Congratulations," Pepper said as she wrapped Natasha in a hug. Nat collapsed in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Pepper guided their bodies on the floor. She held Natasha as she cried buckets of tears.

"We're supposed to have this baby together but she's gone," Nat said between hiccups and tears. "Now, I'm having her on my own," she continued.

Pepper doesn't have the words to console her friend, nothing gets past the Black Widow's defenses but you did. Natasha gave you her heart, her trust and in return you showed the Black Widow that love is not a weakness but strength. You are her best friend, her partner, her family and she lost you while the world regained theirs. It was unfair and Nat tried so hard not to be angry and bitter but she is, even for a little bit. Pepper doesn't know how much time passed before Nat's tears subsided.

"It's so unfair, P. Y/N should be here, she deserves to be here," Nat whispered before she closed her eyes and fell asleep in Pepper's arms.

Tony came up and found them on the floor. He helped Pepper put Nat on her bed and tuck her in. Pepper sighed, she's never seen Nat this devastated. Tony kissed his wife before attending to the person who's knocking on their front door. When he got downstairs, Morgan already opened the door to a familiar face.

"Danvers," he greeted. Carol just smiled at him.

***

Two hours later, Nat woke up with dried tear tracks on her cheeks. Then she remembered what happened, she turned towards the side table and saw the PT with glaring double lines on it. She stood up and walked towards the balcony overlooking the growing willow tree outside. She smiled seeing a familiar blonde head standing in front it, hand carefully placed on the trunk of the tree. She walked down the stairs, crept silently outside, and watched Carol from a few feet away.

"Your crush can be seen from outer space, and Y/N still missed it," Nat teased. Carol chuckled, caressing the trunk of the tree before turning towards Nat. Nat smiled at the Captain before walking towards her and pulling her in a hug.

"Y/N only had eyes for you," Carol said but without bitterness.

Carol came as soon as he heard the tech works. Why? She doesn't really know why. They sat against the trunk of the tree, overlooking the lake.

"That's not true. Remember that stupid party Tony threw after the snap?" Nat asked.

"Yeah, a futile attempt to lift everyone's spirit," Carol said putting air quotes on the attempt. Nat let out a full unadulterated laugh. Carol smiled, this might as well be the first time Nat laughed for a while.

"Yeah, I got really jealous that night," Nat admitted after her bouts of laughter. Carol gaped at her.

After finding out that there's nothing they could to reverse the snap and killing Thanos, Tony decided to hold his usual party. It's marginally lowkey compared to any parties he ever threw, then again half of the population is gone and everyone is still adjusting. The team is dispersed in every corner of the room, talking quietly with each other. You on the other hand, simply sat on the bar, sipping your favorite bottle of beer and watching the crowd. The usual upbeat energy when the team gathers is now subdued.

You were lost in thought that you didn't hear someone coming up behind you until they cleared their throat to speak.

"Hey Y/N," Carol greeted you with a smile.

You turned around and pulled Carol in a long hug. "Hi, alien girl," you can't help but tease. You know she's not really an alien but you adored that nickname, and only you are allowed to call Carol that. You gave her a kiss on the cheek before pulling away but not entirely stepping away from her comfort zone while you started chatting.

From across the room, Natasha watched the two of you covertly. Something about the way Carol smiles, laugh, and look at you makes her skin crawl. She had to fight the urge to come up to the two of you and kiss you senseless in front of Carol. Various members of the team come up to you and Carol to chat, Nat just stayed back and watched. Then it clicked, Carol has a crush on you and you're oblivious.

It took a good two more hours from the moment she figured Carol's crush before everyone called it a night. Nat went to your shared room without you, you didn't really mind. You thought she might be sleepy, Nat really isn't the party kind of person. So when you entered the room and found her standing by the window. You tried chatting her up and telling her all about Carol's stories about space.

"If you're that interested, maybe you should be with her," Nat said before she can stop herself. That stopped you on your track to the closet.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked clearly confused.

"You deserve someone like Carol," Nat said, poker face in place. You gritted your teeth. You entered your room happy to see your friends, now you're confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I see the way you look she looks at you. You deserve someone like Carol; strong, beautiful, and good," she answered. Putting emphasis on good.

You deflate when you realized what's happening. You walked up to her slowly as not to startle her. You cupped her face and waited for her to look at you. When she did, you smiled.

"Natalia Alianova Romanova, I want you," you assured her. "And I chose you, I'll choose you in a heartbeat, over and over again. No questions asked."

You leaned in to kiss her forehead, her nose, both her cheeks and her lips. She can't help but smile a little. She knows you're telling her the truth, she can read you best.

You pulled inches away from her lips. "Jealous is very unbecoming of the black widow," you said and she smacked your arms playfully. And just like that, the tension is gone and your Natasha is back.

"Nat," Carol whispered. She felt bad, she never wanted to get in the way of your relationship. She values your honor as much as she values hers to put you in a compromising situation. She still wants to apologize even for simply harboring feelings for you.

"It's okay, I don't blame you. Y/N is a beacon of light in my life, you'll have to be stupid not to love her," Nat said as she reaches for Carol's hand. She’s way past being jealous and insecure, in the end they both lost you anyway.

"I miss her, Nat. I can't imagine how much worst it is for you," Carol admitted.

"Yeah but we survived the war, we have to survive this too," Nat said looking back to the lake without letting go of Carol's hand.

"Maybe life is more than just surviving," Carol said. "Especially now," she squeezes Nat's hand. Nat smiled. Maybe Carol's right.

"Will you visit more often? I like having you here. Tony can still be annoying," Nat said before looking back at Carol.

Carol chuckled before nodding, "I'd love to."

I don't wanna know this feeling Unless it's you and me I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me I would rather wait for you, ooh

Don't wanna feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss Baby, unless they are your lips

Day 274 - January

At 5 months pregnant, Nat kept being active to prevent herself from getting too heavy and too dependent on anyone else. She and the baby are generally healthy but the Starks are pulling all the stops to care for Nat. Tony bans her from doing heavy lifting, revoked her access to the gym without supervision, and puts her on a strict 8-hour sleep routine. Pepper cooks her healthy meals, sometimes teach her to cook as well. Every day, she hikes for an hour around the perimeter of the estate with Morgan and Pepper as well.

Sometimes, members of the Avengers come by the cabin to visit for a couple of days to catch up and check on everyone's general wellness. In the earlier days of her pregnancy, she would sometimes drive to see Clint's family. She kept in touch with Laura but she hasn't visited them again since she got pregnant. Today, Pepper and Nat decided to make a trip to Clint's family home with Morgan. Tony agreed it'll be great for everyone especially Morgan to meet other children.

When Pepper pulled up in front of Clint's house, Laura was already at the front porch waiting. When she saw Nat exit the vehicle, she ran towards her and immediately enveloped her in a hug.

"You are the prettiest pregnant woman I have ever seen," Laura said when she pulled back. Pepper chuckled.

"I told her that too," Pepper said. Laura hugged her too, they met a few times in the past.

"And you must be?" Laura asked as she caught Morgan's eyes from behind Pepper's legs.

"Morgan Stark, please to meet you," she whispered before shaking Laura's proffered hand.

Laura smiled and hauled them inside the house. Morgan was delighted to meet other children, albeit older than her. Everyone adored her, she's smart, polite, and very charismatic. The three women busied themselves with lunch while the Barton kids show Morgan around. After a sumptuous lunch at the front yard, the Barton's deemed teaching Morgan archery is the best way to let the afternoon past; Pepper volunteered to supervise.

"Do you think they can see us where they are?" Nat asked as she watches the kids play. Laura's watching her.

It's been 9 months since you and Clint gave up your life to save the world but the pain and the hole both of you left never ceased aching. If there's anyone in the world who understands Nat's pain it is Laura, they both lost the most important person in their lives and is forced to carry on without them.

"I really don't know Nat. I hope so," Laura answered as she turns towards her children. "Y/N is proud of you, that I'm sure of."

Nat didn't want to cry, again and especially in public. But she's pregnant, emotional, and hormonal; she couldn't help it. She didn't even bother wiping the fat tears rolling down her cheeks, soaking the sweatshirt she's wearing - your Harvard sweatshirt.

"I'm scared Laura. What if I'm not fit to be a mother?" she whispered loud enough for Laura to hear. It's been a recurring notion in her head, her greatest fear. Building a family together was something you wanted together, without you by her side, she's not sure if she's strong enough to do it.

"Shh. You know that's not true. Y/N knows you'll be great," Laura said as she pulled Nat for a hug.

"What if I'm not fit to be a mother? I'm an ex-assassin for goodness sake," Nat asked as you lie together in your bed, your head nestled at the crook of her neck.

"Don't be silly. You'll be amazing," you slur. The lone finger she has on your naked back, and her steady heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

"How can you be so sure?"

"You're great with Morgan, and the Bartons," you answered.

"And if you can tolerate Tony and I, you can do anything," you continued.

You both laugh at that. It's true, you and Tony are worst than children. She kissed the top of your head. The moment you felt her lips against your hair, you lifted your head from her neck, which made her immediately catch your lips.

"I can do anything as long as I'm with you," Nat said after she released your lips.

"I'll always be with you," you swore it in your head. You will or you'll die trying.

"Besides, you're not raising this child alone. You know you'll always have us," Laura tried to console her one more time as she wiped the tears in Nat's face.

When it was time to go the Bartons’ crowded the car to say goodbye to Morgan and everyone.

"Auntie Nat, can we come to see you when the baby is out?" One of the Barton kids asked.

Nat smiled genuinely at her, "of course, I would love that." Nat poked her head out of the window to kiss the top of her head.

Don't wanna give my heart away To another stranger Don't let another day begin Won't let the sunlight in Oh, I'll never love again Never love again Never love again Oh, I'll never love again

Day 365 - April

Yesterday, Carol, Thor, Bucky, Bruce, and Peter arrived at the cabin to remember you. Nat was overwhelmed when she woke up from her afternoon nap to find the team huddled in the kitchen having some drinks. Peter immediately pulled Nat for a side hug when he saw her enter the room. Nat couldn’t help but share his usual enthusiasm, it has been a while since they’re all gathered together anyway. Peter visits often but recently, his visits are few and far between because of school and working alongside Tony.

Today is the first anniversary of your death. Nat woke up extra early to start her daily routine of drinking her coffee and talking to you on the tree earlier than usual. She tiptoed down the stairs as silent as she could in her pajamas and your favorite leather jacket. The house is as still as daybreak, everyone seems to still be asleep. The sun has barely peaked out of the horizon, the sky still a mix of blues and violets when she stepped out of the cabin.

“Good morning, moya lyubov’,” she greeted the growing willow tree, one hand clasped around your favorite mug and the other flat on the tree’s trunk.

Nat stepped even closer to the trunk and leaned her forehead against it. She smiled a little when she felt the tree’s sturdiness against her head. You’ve always felt that way for her - strong and sturdy. You were a presence that’s always there to ground her, protect her, support her, and catch her. There under the shade of the tree planted with your ashes, she felt like you never left her.

“I still miss you every day,” she whispered.

It may have been a year, yes but she does miss you and think of you every day. There’s not a waking moment in which she does not wish that you’re still there with her, experiencing the miracle you created for her. She wishes you’re there every morning in your bed, cuddling her and rubbing her swollen belly. She wishes you’re there to caring for her every time your daughter pulls a tantrum inside of her. She wishes you’re there every night, with your head on her chest and telling your daughter stories about being an Avenger or biology, technology, and space.

“I wish you’re here to see her soon,” she said as she pulls away from the trunk.

The sun has fully risen now, bathing the trees and the lake in soft warm light. Ever since you died, Nat felt like a part of her died with you too but ever since she got pregnant she felt like she officially started healing. She will forever be impaired in a way by your loss but not only did you leave her a part of you; you’ve given her a chance to be whole again too. In your daughter, she found a reason to start living again. In your daughter, she found her purpose once more.

***

Nat took a couple of minutes more just to enjoy the warmth of the morning sun, the cool breeze and the stillness of the morning before she literally heard to whole cabin waking. She touches the trunk one more time before she turned on her heel to go back inside. She hasn’t taken more than 5 steps when she suddenly felt something wet dripping down her leg. Oh shit, she thought. She wanted to move or call for help but she was frozen by surprise.

Thankfully, Tony just stepped out of the porch. When they lock eyes, Tony immediately knew something was wrong. They’ve gotten really close this past year, leaning on each other when bouts of loneliness and missing you hits. In the earlier days after you passed, they’ve spent countless nights in the apartment drinking, eating takeouts, and sharing stories about you. They’ve spent more time together when Nat moved into the cabin and started the fertilization process where Tony tells her stories about your childhood as a way to entertain Nat in the table.

“What’s wrong?” he asked the moment he was by Nat’s side. Nat only looked at her feet, Tony followed her gaze.

“Oh shit,” Tony said just in time when Pepper and Carol came out of the porch looking for them.

“What’s wrong?” Pepper asked.

“Nat’s water already broke,” Tony answered while she guides Nat back to the porch. She’s not even due for at least a week more.

“I’ll take the car out,” Pepper said immediately.

“I’ll fly her. It’ll be faster,” Carol suggested.

That broke Nat out of her trance, there’s no way Carol Danvers is flying her to the hospital. They will look ridiculous. She would have laughed at the ridiculousness of it if she’s not terrified that if she does your daughter would suddenly pop out of her. She was just about to protest when she heard Tony gave Carol the clear. Carol didn’t even change out of her pajamas before she’s carrying Nat in a bridal carry.

“We will be there as soon as we can,” Tony said before Carol’s flying away. Nat immediately felt the change in the temperature as Carol fly her over to the city hospital.

“I swear I will murder you after this, Captain,” she said through the sound of swooshing air but Carol just laughed when she heard her.

Carol created a crater in front of the hospital when she landed, almost took the door off its hinges as she entered the emergency room and demanded someone to attend to Natasha. Even in her pajamas and windswept hair, Carol still exudes power and leadership; just like Steve used to. She has the kind of power in her voice that can persuade anyone to follow her. Nat was impressed but she couldn’t focus on anything else other than the painful contractions. The doctors were quick to check on her.

“Nurse, prep an OR. She’s ready to deliver,” the attending pediatric surgeon said after they checked on Nat.

****

Inside the operating room, Nat is experiencing the most excruciating pain she has ever had to go through in her entire life. Pain even worse than any torture she ever had to endure as a KGB agent. She’s covered in sweat, and tears are flowing down her face as the doctor instructed her to push one more time. She wished you were there holding her hand and murmuring soft words of love and assurance in her ears. She felt like she’s being torn apart from the seam, and inside out when she barely made out the doctor was saying.

“Almost there, one more push and she’s out,” the doctor said. Nat took one deep breath and pushed as hard as she could.

“She’s out,” the doctor exclaimed. Nat smiled and fell back down the bed when she heard your daughter’s first cry.

“Would you like to hold your baby?” The nurse asked.

Nat only smiled and nodded before the nurse is handing her the most precious little girl in the world. Nat was floored when she got a good look at your baby’s face.

“Hi beautiful,” she greeted the little miracle in her arms. Nat couldn’t stop the fresh bout of tears that ran down her face.

“You look so much like her,” she whispered to your baby before the nurse needed to take her away. She leaned back down the bed as the full force of delivering a baby caught up to her. She fell asleep almost immediately.

Nat woke up to an empty pristine white room, it was so white she had to shield her eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room.

“Hey beautiful,” she heard someone say beside her. She knew that voice, she would recognize that voice anywhere in a heartbeat. When she turned she was struck by two things. First, she couldn’t believe her eyes. After a year without seeing your face, there you are smiling at her again. Second, she was terrified and confused. If she’s seeing you, does that mean she’s already dead too?

“No, you’re not dead, silly,” you said as if you could read her mind.

“What’s happening?” Nat asked as she laces your fingers together.

“I don’t have much time. I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you,” you said before Nat’s bursting into tears again.

“I miss you so much Y/N,” she said between sobs. You sat down next to her bed and pulled her in a hug.

“Shh, you’re okay. You’ll be okay,” you kissed the top of her head just like you used to, she sighed heavily. “I miss you too, Tasha. I love you so much. Both of you,” you said before leaning down to kiss her lips. Nat closed her eyes.

***

Nat blinked her eyes open to a view of a plain white hospital room. She discreetly wiped her eyes of the tears she carried over from the dream world. Logically, she knows you’re not going to walk in on the door with your daughter in your arms but for a moment she closed her eyes and relished the feeling of momentary happiness that dream gave her. She was pulled out of her daydreaming when Thor, Bucky, Bruce, Peter, and Tony walked in your room talking excitedly.

Pepper and Morgan, along with a nurse pushing a crib quickly followed the team inside her room. In an instant, Nat is smiling and the room quieted. Morgan climbed in Nat’s bed and immediately gave her a hug, Nat hugged her back.

“Auntie Nat, she’s so cute,” Morgan whispered excitedly in her ears. Nat smiled wider.

“Just like you darling,” she answered. Morgan beamed and settled to sit next to her.

Tony picked the little miracle carefully from the crib and rocked her gently. Tony smiled at Nat from the center of the room.

“Nat, she’s beautiful,” Tony said before walking towards the bed and depositing the little angel in Nat’s arms.

“She really is,” Nat said as she admired her daughter’s little sleeping face.

“Have you decided on a name?” Carol asked smiling.

“Asya,” Nat answered simply.

Bucky chuckled, which made everyone turn to him. He smiled at Natasha.“It means resurrection in Russian,” Bucky answered the silent question.

Nat smiled and nodded at him before turning back to Asya. Everyone understood the choice, it’s fitting. Not only is Asya born on the day you died, she’s also a spitting image of you.

“Asya Romanova-Y/L/N,” Tony enunciated slowly. “Welcome home.”

Tag: @subjectx17 @natthisback @5aftermidnight

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[exobyharu]

PCY - Ch4

Chapter 4: Tomorrow will be better

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)...(Part 5)(Part 6)

Summary: After some delays, you end up in the cafe with PCY just the same. You dish about life in general. At the end of the night, all hate left you and you fall asleep with a smile on your face.

⏰11:58 PM 🌏Hotel (S), City of (L) 🌚It was finally raining but neither of you notice 👥 YN, Park Chanyeol, your best friend Jane (mentioned), Kim Jongdae (mentioned)

Notes: I am still alive! I am so sorry that my update took too long! This is Part 4, the final part of my sort of introduction-slash-build-up for the actual story where PCY becomes a permanent fixture in your life :D

Words: ~2,000

💙💙💙

The server ushered you to the center of the café since it was the only unoccupied spot. The place was packed and ever since you stepped in, you had encountered all sorts of curious glances from the tables nearby. Maybe they recognised your companion, or maybe he was simply much too tall to be anyone insignificant. You tilted your head in apprehension, because you surely would have done the same and gawked at these spectacularly underdressed guests.

While Chanyeol was quick to brush them off, that was something you could not manage. In fact, you did not know which made you more uneasy: to have people stare at you because you looked like you had stepped out of a slasher film, or to have people discreetly eyeing the person you were with by pretending to just be facing in your general direction.

When you finally sat down across from each other, Chanyeol asked, “what are you having?” and that was a timely distraction from your thoughts. He looked blissfully oblivious to how he had managed to divert everyone’s attention to himself. You knew that he did not care. You did, though. It was uncomfortable.

“Just… whatever you’re having,” you answered, not because you weren’t fond of coffee, but because you believed that it was the polite thing to say. You also did not know what you wanted, frankly. It was starting to become the recurring theme of your life.

“Nocciola?” He said it like an invitation.

You shrugged.

Perhaps as a precaution, he ordered the sweetest drink on the list. The silence that ensued as you watched him scan through the menu made you realise that a proper conversation with Park Chanyeol is incredibly difficult compared to just heatedly yelling back at him from your suite’s balcony. You felt as if some part of your pride was softening up as you watched this guy kindly flag down a server. You were never the type to be moved just by someone’s looks and here you were, thinking to yourself that there had to be a first time for everything.

Making sure that he did not grow on you, you made it objectively clear that he was simply more perceptive than you gave him credit for. He was nice, only because he was on the penalty here - or at least he thought so.

“I just want to formally apologise to you for last night,” he said, confirming your suspicion, and for a second, the warmth in his voice made you think that he did not have to do this. You had to remind yourself about how difficult it was to arrange a room transfer to strengthen your resolve.

“Well, this is quite formal.”

“You don’t like it here?”

“It’s a bit much for an apology,” you admitted, still. Ten dollars for a shot of espresso? This place was too excessive for your taste. Whatever it was that he ordered, you hoped that it did not cost more than the money you had on you. You also hoped that he did not see through your worry.

“Could be your luck turning around. Had a bad day, right?”

Bad day? Absolutely. Luck? If a reversal of today’s luck meant having Park Chanyeol buy you a drink, then you did not want it. Your pride was not worth a tiny serving of overpriced Italian coffee.

Perhaps today was not really getting better for you. “Please don’t make me talk about it.”

Chanyeol was smiling with what felt like shining endearment. “You don’t have to.”

It was too much. He was either laying it on thick, or his smile was simply breathtaking up close. Your defences needed back up. “Then tell me why you’re so nice all of a sudden.”

“I’m nice all the time!” he whined, leaning back against the velvet seat in slight exasperation. He was a good four feet away from your face now. That’s better, you thought, until he pouted. His pout was equally lovable. “Last night was… just a breaking point.”

“U-huh,” was all you managed because you were damned and that was a big problem for you. Why was it such a difficult affair to ignore his charm? You, on the get go, had established that Chanyeol looked much better if he were nice, and tonight, he was exceptionally nice. This made him, by inference, exceptionally handsome too.

He dazzled.

You focused on your hands that were gripping the cold glass of water because you could not look at him. Breathe in, breathe out. You were having a difficult time keeping yourself together. You needed another massive glass of sangria poured on you. It was almost depressing that it came an hour and a half too early.

It proved to be too much effort, prompting your eyes to meet his. How was it possible when the rest of your body seemed to misbehave, too? Your fingers would not stop trembling and your feet shuffled under the table. This was worse than public speaking, except that nothing was really at stake. There was a very handsome guy seated before you, though. That was not supposed to be a problem.

“…never wanted it, so that’s why we’re on this date right now.”

You heard the word and your head snapped up in an instant.

A date?

You counted up to five while your head buzzed with what you would always say whenever you called Jane out for swooning over Kim Jongdae: Woman! We’re not teenagers anymore! We should stop crushing on celebrities and start dating actual real people!

How did you end up in a date with a celebrity and crushing on an actual real person instead?

In your head, you rallied to disprove both counts. But if you could not refute the latter, you decided to capitalise on the fact that this time was not a date. It’s not! “This isn’t a date, Mr. Park,” you clarified, definitely not watching the slight curve of his lips as he tried to suppress his smile.

“I know, I know. I was just hoping to get a reaction from you.” He had laughter in his eyes, which made his gaze even more magnetic. “And call me Chanyeol, for crying out loud!”

“You are loud. Don’t you ever get into trouble for it?”

“Sometimes, I have to be loud to make a living.”

“Sounds like a fun job to me,” you answered wryly.

“It’s not, when your boss thinks you’re not good enough.”

“U-huh.” His remark was surprisingly loaded and you were not sure if you were willing to explore that. You left the decision up to him instead. “From what I gathered, the world loves you.”

“What a life that would be. How about you?”

He did not seem inclined to entertain the direction you suggested. And even though you were not particularly excited to tell him, a stranger if not by name, about the summary of your life’s current struggles, you decided that this day was bad enough to deserve a proper rant as well.

“Well, since I’m an unemployed post-graduate, my displeased parents want to marry me off to their friend’s equally unemployed, but much more financially endowed son.”

Chanyeol’s eyes grew bigger. “…who poured red wine over your head at dinner?”

You managed a laugh despite your paranoia telling you that two middle-aged women were now taking photos of Chanyeol’s back. You had to focus. “…whose pregnant girlfriend poured wine over my head at dinner, actually.”

He whistled. “It’s never easy, is it? Life?”

“Sounds like a backstory you’d like to share.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Nope.”

“Can I ask you questions then?”

He considered it. “As long as you answer them too.”

Given your excellent talent for sarcasm, this was not the response that you were hoping for. You always felt vulnerable talking about yourself, but if you always veered away from discomfort, you knew that you were veering away from self-discovery as well. Besides, a complete stranger would definitely give you the most objective assessment. And even though you never expected conversations like this to go down tonight, this was just the type that you may need.

“Life sucks, but I’m happiest when I can make other people happy,” you started vaguely after a few thoughtful seconds. “What makes life more tolerable for you?”

“Same.”

“The hell???” you choked, keeping your voice in check. “You can’t copy my answer!”

Chanyeol’s smile finally eased in again. “But I think the same!”

“Explain then.”

He hummed absently in response as the server arrived to serve your drinks. You breathed in the sweet scent the coffee placed on the table, only opening your eyes when he finally started talking.

“Tonkatsu,”  he said, taking a sip from his drink. “Tonkatsu makes me happy. And performing on stage. With thousands of fans. Hearing them sing to our songs as we dance on stage with lights illuminating everything and confetti falling everywhere around me. That’s when I’m happiest.”

When you said nothing, he grinned. “Too detailed?”

“Not the details I’m looking for, but I guess it’s enough to paint a picture. It must be nice to be a superstar.”

“The people who matter are those who support you. Ignore everyone else who doesn’t. You don’t need to be a superstar to know that.”

“So, only your fans matter and your boss doesn’t. Is that what you’re saying?”

He playfully pointed a finger at you. “That is exactly what I’m saying. In fact...” Trailing off, Chanyeol turned to the bag beside his seat and fished out the only thing that could make a musician so thrilled. It was a signed copy of his album with some other guy that Jane would probably recognise with her eyes closed.

Seriously?

It was impossible for you to mirror his excitement, but you did not want to be rude. “What is this?” you asked instead.

The guy’s smile was beaming at you, no doubt eager to see you react positively. “It’s our subunit’s EP.”

Unfortunately, you were not one to fake it to be kind. “Thank you, I appreciate it. Even though, like I said, I’m not actually a fan.”

“Oh, but you will be, when you listen to it later!”

With that, you did not argue any further. It was enough that he believed you already and soon enough, the rest of the conversation flowed without effort. He even ended up telling you about why he was there in the hotel, and why his mentors think that isolation was a great opportunity for uninfluenced introspection and creativity. In return, you shared pretty much everything, including those that you refused to tell even Jane. It was not until the cafe was closing that the both of you realised that it had been at least a couple of hours since you sat down and started talking. Regretfully, with only Chanyeol’s EP as a souvenir, it was time to leave.

You took the elevator back to your floor that night feeling easy, having had a once-in-a-lifetime café conversation with an insanely handsome, remarkably perceptive and contagiously cheerful stranger. You could not remember the last time you enjoyed spending an evening, just being yourself without fear of being judged or told off. Maybe part of it was because you knew that he was what you would call a passerby – a person that you would meet once and never see again. For that, you had nothing to lose. And unlike last night, he turned out to be capable of sweet when he put in the effort. Even sweeter was the inviting scent when you entered your unit as you discovered the giant bouquet of pink roses that adorned the living room table like a centrepiece. On it was a note, written in sloppy handwriting and for some reason, you knew who sent it. Chanyeol must have had it delivered to your room while you were at the café and you could almost hear his voice as you read the message.

Tomorrow will be better. I promise. - PCY

And so you fell asleep with the visual memory of your favourite passerby’s smile, wrapping over you like a warm blanket. Only for tonight, you promised yourself. Tomorrow, you will leave the memory of meeting this wonderful person behind.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Yucky Mushy Boys and Happy Death Day 2 U (Todoroki Shouto X Reader)

Lol yes I know I'm late for Valentine's Day but hey here's one for you guys! Happy Late Valentine's Day!! Once again, sorry for any OOC-ness, but still enjoy! :3

Not gonna lie lol Ed Edd n Eddy’s Hanky Panky Hullabaloo inspired me with this one. XD

Summary: Reader-chan is disgusted by Valentine’s Day no thanks to a childhood friend, but doesn’t know that she has an admirer.

Featuring: IcyHot!!

Don’t worry lol I won’t tell no Happy Death Day 2 U spoilers but it IS a good movie! :3

You were nervous as hell as you quivered in your shoes as you walked alongside your best friends Midoriya, Uraraka, Iida and Todoroki in your school’s hallways. All decorated with pink banners and heart shaped things plastered on the walls in the spirit of the holiday.

It was Valentine’s Day, which only meant one thing.

Yucky Mushy Gushy Lovey Dovey shit.

The thought alone made you cringe as you put your hand over your mouth, ALMOST tempted to vomit at the thought. Romance wasn’t something you were big on, ever since you were young it terrified you and for the longest time you just convinced yourself that the thought of being with anyone was yucky and too mushy-gushy for your liking.

And deep down, you also believed that nobody would even like you that way anyway based on how much people picked on you all those years growing up, especially Bakugou, who seemed hellbent on picking on you with Midoriya. So in return, you called THEM yucky and evil before they got a chance to call you yucky. It worked for you for years too. You avoided all sorts of romance and never pursued anyone for the sake of protecting yourself and stopped letting Bakugou's insults and everyone else's insults get to you.

Valentine's Day however, was something you couldn't really stop since it always came back every year, and somehow bigger than the year before. Just like a Taylor Swift song. And another blonde always made sure to pick on you the most during Valentine's Day when you were both kids, constantly saying 'Gross Girls like you don't get any Valentine's!'. But you were grown now, and Bakugou was the gross one! Not you!

“Oh God… look at this shit…” You mumbled a little bit, almost freezing up just staring at the pink and red adorned on the walls, however, you saw that Midoriya and Iida appeared to be blushing. “It’s Saint Valentine’s Day. I can only hope none of our classmates or schoolmates decide to engage in reckless or inappropriate behavior. The holiday is romantic, but it could enable students our age to not do suggestive things…” Iida remarked, his cheeks a light pink at the thought, albeit there was some hope in his eyes since Valentine’s Day gave his peers opportunities to feel tender emotions and possibly confess to a special someone.

“Isn’t it all so cute?! I love Valentine’s Day! It’s such a fun holiday! Getting to buy sweets and give something nice to that special someone… Don’t you guys think?” Uraraka cheerfully asked as she blushed a little bit, earning a darker blush from both Midoriya and Iida.

“R-Right! I-It is… r-really uhh… n-nice… e-especially the uh… d-decorations and… t-the idea of it…” Midoriya stammered out with an extremely nervous, wide-eyed look, his face turning bright red at the mere idea of romance and tenderness.

“I never understood the point of this holiday.” Todoroki said, his expression as stoic as ever when he looked to see all the decorations. The holiday confused him since during his time in elementary and middle school he would always get these cards and heart-shaped things, chocolates and other candies from girls, and some boys. But he never understood why those boys and girls all gave him those things. He wasn’t ‘special’, he barely even knew those boys and girls so it made no sense to him.

Naturally, this didn’t entirely surprise you, Midoriya, Uraraka or Iida. “Well you see Todoroki, many people have accused this holiday of being an invented one, but the main purpose of this holiday is to make an exchange of meaningful gifts towards a person you feel... r-romantically inclined towards.” Iida was the first to explain the basics of Valentine’s Day, even though talking about it was making him blush a brighter hue of pink.

“Yeah! Valentine’s Day is a day all about love! Any kind of love too, familiar love, platonic love but… it’s like Iida said… it tends to be about romantic love… and letting the person you like know how you feel…” Uraraka added with a shy grin, blushing harder as she did so, and you nearly gagged when she and Iida said the ‘R’ word.

“Romantic?” Todoroki stated to blush ever so slightly when Uraraka and Iida used the word, even if the concept was foreign to him, and Midoriya blushed even darker when it seemed that they would have to explain it to him.

“W-Well Todoroki it’s… r-romance is uh… it’s a feeling… o-of uh… h-happiness… I-I guess… b-but with… s-someone else… s-someone that you… l-like… a-a lot… but more than… a-as a friend… i-it’s… it’s deeper than that…” Midoriya did his best to not stutter too much as he gave a brief explanation, his face feeling hot just explaining it even though he had no real experience or knowledge about it. But his mom rather enjoyed those kinds of movies and he had seen a few with him even if it embarrassed him to see such sweet and romantic things on a screen. So he didn’t know nothing about romance…

But without warning, you clasped your hand over Midoriya’s mouth and held him close to you with a paranoid look on your face, looking at Uraraka, Iida and Todoroki with crazy-looking wide-eyes. “No, that’s all bullshit… you guys know what Valentine’s Day is REALLY about… it’s all about evil, yucky, mushy boys and girls all day Izuku!!” You exclaimed as Midoriya’s face began to redden from how close you were and how you touched him like that, and you felt him shake but you assumed it’s because he shared your fear of this yucky holiday.

“We can’t make ourselves too available guys… or else we’ll get the mushiness…” You let go of Midoriya as you whispered to the four of your friends, but that just confused them, especially Todoroki. Iida, Uraraka and Midoriya described it as a positive holiday, yet you had a completely different answer. Secretly, Todoroki has found you oddly unique, ever since he befriended Midoriya and Iida, he ended up getting close to you in return since you were always around Midoriya and company. You stood out to him with your odd mannerisms and tendency to say odd things, but he didn’t hate it at all, if anything he wished to understand you more. In fact, he kept this to himself but he sort of liked you, in a way that was different from how he liked Midoriya and Iida.

“Mushy?” He had asked, wondering if you were referring that he, Iida, Midoriya and Uraraka were also ‘yucky’ as you put it.

“YES! Yucky Mushy Boys and Girls all day Todoroki! THAT’S what Valentine’s Day is all about! Romance is just a trap they use to make you think you’re interested in them, but they’re actually hiding how yucky, evil and mushy they are!” You explained somewhat dramatically as you cringed at the thought and shook a bit, but it still didn’t make sense to him, although it did kind make him feel a bit skeptical now. That was the opposite of how Iida, Uraraka and Midoriya described it. So he kept looking at you for more of an explanation from your side.

“My point is Valentine’s Day IS an invented holiday AND it’s gross! That’s why I avoid it every year! I turn off as many boys and girls as much as possible! I didn’t brush my teeth this morning, you know why? Cuz neither boys OR girls like stinky breath.” That earned a look from Iida.

“(L/N)! You can’t just neglect oral hygiene out of personal disgust towards today! Neglecting even one day of brushing your teeth can affect your mouth and encourage more plague build up!” Iida somewhat scolded you, and you stuck your tongue at him.

“What if you kiss someone?! You don’t wanna have bad breath for your first kiss!” Uraraka seemed to back him up, but more for your sake than anything. She always thought you would find a very special someone even if you were aversive towards today. In her eyes, you were an attractive person and other guys and girls would be crazy to not find you cute or pretty. That nearly made Todoroki perk up, what IF someone kissed you or you kissed someone? Uraraka had the right idea, because Todoroki did secretly find you cute. Your face, your (E/C) eyes and soft looking lips… though, he had to admit, bad breath wasn’t desirable. It’s a good thing he brushed his teeth this morning.

“EWWWW! NOT happening! And I ain’t brushing my teeth today Iida! In fact, I might even pick my nose while I’m at it! You guys want some fresh boogers?! I got plenty for everyone. How do ya’ll like em?” You asked and even waved your finger towards all of them, which made Uraraka squeal a bit as Iida and Midoriya backed away. Even Todoroki couldn’t help but cringe a bit in disgust.

“(L/N) PLEASE! That is SO UNSANITARY!!” Iida backed away, to the point where he stood behind Midoriya and Todoroki, who both looked just as disgusted as he was.

“G-Gross! Please don’t lie about that again!” Midoriya quickly begged you, since one of your tactics included lying about picking your nose and offering snot in hopes to disgust boys. It worked nearly all the time because boys and girls avoided you due to such a nasty lie you made about yourself.

“See?! You’re all turned off! I’m a genius! No guy OR girl wants someone who they think eats boogers…” You smirked and crossed your arms but reassured them all by saying you DON’T eat boogers. Although they had to admit, that was really gross.

“Sorry guys, but I just can’t fall into that trap. It’s gross and just not my thing… Izuku’s not yucky, and you guys aren’t really yucky either so… I wish you guys the best of luck if someone comes over to you guys....” You said to your classmates as you entered your classroom to go and sit in your seats.

“She thinks Valentine’s Day gross… but doesn’t find not brushing her teeth and lying about eating boogers gross…?” Uraraka thought once she realized that you had some pretty odd standards there as Midoriya and Iida both shrugged in unison even if they found your standards weird too. Although Midoriya knew you pretty well, and neither he or Uraraka would press on it because they didn’t mind that you found the holiday gross. Not everyone liked Valentine’s Day after all.

Meanwhile, Todoroki thought about what you were saying, even though he was trying to not think of what you said about booger-eating. Not many things disgusted him, but that done did it. He didn’t know any girls who would ever lie about that just to keep people away from them, again, you never failed to surprise him. But he wondered, did you find HIM yucky? He hoped you didn’t, because then you probably wouldn’t want to be around him, and he didn’t want that. He liked you, even if he was worried that he might have been ‘yucky’ to you.

Todoroki sighed. This holiday was so confusing. On one hand, there was all this talk about romance, on the other hand there was talk about it being yucky and mushy. He couldn’t focus in class even when it started with Aizawa coming in and the entire class greeted him.

As Aizawa advised the class to not let this ‘illogical, invented’ holiday, as he described it, distract them, Todoroki just stared at you drawing something in your journal. Little did he know, you were writing a sign that said ‘Fuck Off’ so nobody would get near you and/or try to get close and give you the ‘yucky’.

He sighed, wondering just what he could do to avoid frightening you or making you uncomfortable. Sure, you two were on friendly terms, but lately his feelings have become something more than that, and every time he thought about it, his face would grow hot and his heart would speed up. Especially when he got really close to you, although his face remained stoic, his blushing cheeks would often betray him.

This holiday seemed to make it even more awkward. With your aversion to it and his cluelessness. Even though the concept seemed to be that you try to give something to someone you really like, according to Uraraka, Iida and Midoriya.

Speaking of which, you and Midoriya had been friends since kindergarten, and by extension you were also friends with Bakugou. At least until he started bullying Midoriya and you made sure to protect him from your former friend. He would have asked Bakugou about you, but he was sure he would just get an unsavory answer laced with casual insults, so he went to Midoriya instead, whom was talking with Uraraka.

When he started talking to them both, they each looked confused, although Uraraka seemed to pick up a little faster on why Todoroki came to them. Especially when he brought you up.

“(Y/N)?” Midoriya looked somewhat confused once Todoroki mentioned your name.

“Yes. You two are childhood friends, right?” That earned him a nod from his friend. “I know she appears to dislike this holiday, but do you wonder if she would like anything given to her in particular? Would she... react badly if she were given anything today...?” Todoroki finally asked him, taking a breath once he got it out.

“Ahhh uhhh…” Midoriya stammered at Todoroki’s question, unsure how to answer that when a particular memory came to mind.

LAST YEAR

Everyone had been going crazy about Valentine’s Day, including the boys who pushed you around often. Especially that stupid Bakugou, he was the worst to you on Valentine’s Day, but he was just a yucky, mushy boy so you kept your distance and shoved him away whenever you had the chance. Today however, you felt really lucky since you got not Valentines day crap from anybody, especially after your booger-eating rumors that you spread yourself.

“We’re safe for another year Izuku…” You sighed in relief as Midoriya followed you to your shoe locker, even though he himself was more dismayed that he didn’t get any Valentine’s, except from you, which actually made him pretty happy. He was content with at least one Valentine from you, even if you called it ‘yucky’ and ‘mushy’.

“I guess we are.” Midoriya never judged you, he knew and understood your fears. So he went along, and if he was being honest. He was terrified of this holiday too, because he would have freaked out if anyone other than you gave him something for Valentine’s Day. Of course he’d have been excited, but he’d also be nervous too. Extremely nervous.

“Time to put get the shoes back on and…” You opened your locker to remove your shoes, but paused with wide eyes once you saw IT in your locker…

“I-Izuku…” You shivered and pointed at the inside of your locker, much to Midoriya’s confusion and slight panic rising as he nervously peered inside and jumped a bit with a startled yelp. Was that really in your locker?!

“I-It’s… a Valentine’s Day card!!” He exclaimed in shock, but at the same time, oddly extremely happy for you. You had an admirer! Someone gave you a Valentine’s Day card! He carefully picked up the card with a heart on it and read the insides.

‘Don’t get the wrong idea dumbass’

Midoriya quietly gasped as he analyzed the rather straightforward words because it sounded very familiar. However, he was still happy for you and when he turned to smile at you, you were too busy being horrified.

“EEEEEK! Yucky Evil Mushy Gushy Boy or Girl!!” You suddenly shrieked at the Valentine’s Day card you found in your shoe locker, backing away as you ran away from your locker, screaming and going into the bathroom to clean the ‘mushiness’ off you.

PRESENT Midoriya wasn’t so sure how to answer that question, since he was kind of worried that you COULD react badly to a simple Valentine’s Day gesture. However, he was also confident that if it were a friend doing it that you probably would be a little calmer and not freak out like you normally would.

“(Y/N) is… she’s just a little shy… she might not act like it but… she just gets nervous. See… she and I got picked on a lot together… boys and girls called her mean names… said she was gross, and they made her feel really bad about herself… but it was always bad on Valentine’s Day… Kacchan was no help either... she was the girl he picked on the most, behind me… which is why she and I always spent it together. She and I always looked out for each other when other kids made us feel bad about ourselves.” He started off with a sad look on his face when he thought about it, feeling like he should have done more for you.

“Oh… Deku… poor you and (Y/N)…” Uraraka frowned in sympathy, and then looked over at you sitting at your desk and grinning at your badly drawn sign. You were all Anti-Valentine’s Day and it was because of the kids who picked on you and Midoriya.

“I see. She turns people away first. So she doesn’t feel like the way those kids made her feel.” Todoroki came to that realization once he put the pieces together. And he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for you, and anger towards those jerks who made you AND Midoriya feel bad about yourselves. Midoriya nodded in response, sighing a little bit.

“Yes. But… you can still talk to her. She might not enjoy the holiday, but she’s always comfortable around friends. I think she’d be comfortable around you, she likes you.” Midoriya however, pointed that out with a confident smile. If there’s one thing you enjoyed about Valentine’s Day, it was spending time with people you loved, especially your friends and family.

“Yeah! I think if you approach her gently and just tell her how you feel, she won’t freak out! I think she’ll be excited in fact.” Uraraka chimed and gave Todoroki that bit of advice, though he and Midoriya both blushed a bit when she advised to ‘tell you how he felt’. How did she know that he felt something other than friendship for you?

“I-I see. Thank you. Both of you.” Hating the little stutter, Todoroki was grateful for his two friends’ helpful words. Now he felt somewhat more confident in talking to you and offering you something for today.

Todoroki wasn’t a nervous person, but even when he had opportunities to talk to you, he couldn’t do it because there were so many people around. He’d rather ask you when you and him were both alone, in hopes that several other eyes wouldn’t be peering at you both to make you nervous.

So at the end of the day, as soon as he found you alone, he saw his chance as he braced himself and started walking over to you. But then that was interrupted once you were met by Kaminari, Kirishima and an annoyed looking Bakugou.

“Hey (L/N)! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Kaminari quickly greeted you and waved at you, which made you freeze up as you missed the way the electric blonde was kind of blushing and actually looked nervous just saying it to you.

“So uh… now that classes are over, in spirit of the holiday, would ya… like to go out with me somewhere tonight?” Although he was nervous, he quickly tried to put up a smooth-talking and confident demeanor as he flirted with you, but he couldn’t quite stop himself from blushing. And for a minute there, Todoroki thought he was too late as he grunted a bit with a mildly irked expression as he felt an unfamiliar heat in his throat that made him want to just whisk you away from his dopey classmate.

But…

“AHHHH!! YUCK! MUSHY GUSHY!!” You screeched, your legs immediately taking over as you dashed into the girl’s bathroom as fast as you could, slamming the door and leaving a bewildered Kaminari and Kirishima in your wake. Bakugou didn’t look the least bit surprised though as he growled in annoyance just having to see you freak out like that. It never ceased to piss him off every time you freaked out like that.

“So… that’s a no…?” Kaminari sighed and looked defeated as Kirishima patted him on the back to try and make him feel better.

“You can always ask another girl out…” The redhead said to soften the blow, even though he was confused as to why you reacted like that. “Though I guess (L/N) must still think boys have cooties…” He thought outloud, and he understood. For a time, he also believed that silly rumor that girls had cooties, but grew out of that phase pretty quickly.

“Tch. Just don’t count on asking her again. That weirdo’s always been like that. Dumbass…” Bakugou grumbled, still annoyed with what he saw. In all the years he’s known you, he’ll never know why you freaked out over this fucking holiday. This day disgusted him too, but not to those extensions. And on top of that, even though you or Deku didn't know, he hasn't forgiven you for calling HIM 'yucky'. He’d never tell you or ANYONE else about the valentine he left you in your shoe locker last year, but he knew you thought he was gross, but he didn’t give a shit.

Absolutely not...

Scoffing, he walked away to leave you to your stupidity as Kirishima and a defeated Kaminari followed shortly after, much to Todoroki’s relief as he patiently waited for you. Thankfully it didn’t take too long for you to come out as you peeked out and you were immensely relieved to see that Bakugou, Kirishima and Kaminari were no longer there.

You gave a huge sigh of relief, your hands washed now that the imaginary yuckiness was off of you, but you didn’t expect to see Todoroki in the hall.

“Todoroki?” Giggling kind of nervously, you smiled awkwardly at him, “Hey there… what brings you out and about? Though I… guess it IS the end of the school day so you can do pretty much whatever you want…” You shrugged, already feeling kind of awkward since you and Todoroki haven’t really had moments alone like this. There was always Izuku or Uraraka to make you feel more comfortable, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find Todoroki ridiculously attractive. What was we doing at a school? He should be playing someone going to school, particularly the troubled loner, because that’s what he was. The sexy troubled loner with daddy issues, multi-colored hair and a nice butt to top it all off. But he was a yucky boy, so it just wasn’t going to happen. But he wasn’t really yucky... he was so NOT yucky.

“Right.”

But so you didn’t let your thoughts distract you too much, you kept your eyes on Todoroki when he seemed to struggle on what to tell you, which confused you.

“(L/N). I thought about what you said earlier... and I know you don’t seem to enjoy this holiday, but… I had been thinking about what Midoriya said, about… having feelings for somebody.” He suddenly said as he blushed a little bit when he began his sentence, making your eyes widen as your ‘yucky mushy boy’ instinct was starting to alarm in your head, telling you to run away back to the bathroom FAST, yet your heart told you to stay put too and let Todoroki finish what he was saying. 

“I still don’t entirely understand the point of this holiday… even though it all leads to the concept of spending time with people you care about. And I, I care about you. As I care about Midoriya, Iida, Yaoyorozu and Uraraka, but…” This is where Todoroki grew just somewhat more nervous, since feelings weren’t something he was used to talking about.

“Yeeeeah…?” You nervously rubbed your shoulder, feeling rather sweaty all of a sudden; you could feel it in your pits, back and neck, probably a bad day to not wear deodorant. To be fair, even though the two of you were friends, you didn’t expect Shouto Todoroki to actually give you this time of day, why would he? But now you were kind of regretting not brushing your teeth.

“I know it hasn’t been very long, but the way I care about you is… different. I am unsure if… it is romantic as Iida and Midoriya had said.” He started off, following Uraraka’s advice and beginning to realize how bad he was at it, and yet you actually understood what he meant. “I do care about you though. And the truth is, that I like you… but… more than you would like a friend, I’m marveled by you and I have been for a while. These feelings… they confused me for a while until our friends explained it earlier… and… I wanted to tell you that.” Todoroki sort of confessed to you, only in a way that he could since this concept was still foreign to him. But you knew that he was basically saying that he liked you.

It actually made you chuckle, much to Todoroki’s mild embarrassment since he wasn’t sure if you were laughing at him, but at least you weren’t screaming and calling him ‘yucky’. “Todoroki you’re too cute for words…” You rather bluntly said, which sent a flush of light pink to his cheeks.

“Tell you what… Valentine’s Day…” You shook your head and made a face, “Not my thing… it’s still kinda yucky to me, but… you are definitely not yucky… and instead of acting like this holiday is a big deal and like we’re doing it for the sake of this holiday, how about you and I go see Happy Death Day 2 U? And we can just say that this is just another February day, because it is… as a non-Valentine’s Day date, what do you say?” There you did it, and you didn’t even realize it. You had asked Shouto Todoroki on a date, and on Valentine’s Day! Yet you didn’t feel yucky or mushy at all, because after all you said it would be a 'non-Valentine's Day' thing.

He blinked once, for once letting himself look surprised as if he had to register what you just said to him. “A date?” Todoroki asked, obviously he sort of knew what that meant, but he had never been on one before.

“Yeah... it's like a way of spending time with someone that you're interested in... or as you said it... marveled by, and it makes you like them a bit more than you would a friend..." You blushed just saying it outloud, but you had to admit. Todoroki was cute, and oddly sweet in his own ways such the way he would do simple but sweet things for you including opening a door for you, giving you the smallest smile whenever you told a really bad joke, glaring at people who laughed at you whenever you totally embarrassed yourself to make them stop, moving you out of the way whenever someone tried attacking you in combat training, and getting Bakugou to back off whenever he tried bothering you or Midoriya.

Oh God, you liked him too...

And you DIDN'T find him yucky or mushy at all...

You didn't want to admit it, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that you did like Todoroki, more than you wanted to as a friend. And now you just asked him out in the worst possible way. You were way too blunt! Why were you such an idiot? (Y/N) (L/N) you are officially the dumbest person on the planet, who in the hell would even think about saying-?

"I would like that." Todoroki's quick answer suddenly shattered your stupid internal thoughts as you stiffened, staring at him wide-eyed, he was blushing a little bit and you started to blush yourself as a wide grin sported your lips, a little too wide. 'Back it down or he'll think you're a bigger loser!!' You screamed at yourself before clasping your hands together cheerfully.

"GREAT!" You practically screamed, but cleared your throat and lowered the volume, "I mean great... hee-hee... let's uh... go to our dorms REALLY quick! I need to take care of a few things before we go..." What you NEEDED to take care of was your breath, but Todoroki nodded and followed you with ease, he didn't know what you really meant but he didn't want to rush you into anything. He'd be patient with you, because he cared about you that much.

Quickly, you brushed your teeth and put on your deodorant so you didn't smell that bad, and made sure you looked good enough for your very first date. And as Todoroki waited for you to take care of your things, he was feeling a rare bit of nerves, is this how it felt to go on dates? He wasn't sure, but he would get to know you better just like he wanted, and he would be close to you too. That's what he was looking forward to the most, and he hoped that this would make you see how great you were and if he had to, he'd tell you how those nasty little shits from your childhood were idiots to mess with you and Midoriya. He didn't know why, but he wanted to make sure you never felt like that again.

“C’mon Todoroki let’s go! Happy Death Day 2 U starts at the nearest theater in 30 minutes!” Happily, you suddenly jumped besides him and grabbed his hand and somewhat pulled him towards you as he grunted slightly at the somewhat aggressive hold you put on him with slightly wide eyes at how you surprised him like that. Realistically, he could have just pulled away, and yet this warm feeling he felt in his chest when you smiled at him and held his hand like that, refused to let himself do anything that could hurt you.

“Oh... all right. We should move quickly then..." He walked with you out of Heights Alliance, ignoring the winks and thumbs-ups he was getting from some of his classmates, and the way Mina squealed in excitement.

"Way to go (Y/N)!!" She cheered you on, and for once you weren't disgusted about being seen so close with someone, this wasn't yucky at all. Maybe you could give this dumb romance thing a try if Todoroki really did like you like that. You wouldn't hate it, Todoroki was a fantastic guy. He was nice to you, treated you nice and never insulted you or called you gross.

“Let’s get seats in the back row! We can see it clearly and people like to complain about the noises I make when I’m chewing popcorn and sipping soda for some reason.” You said as soon as the two of you made it to the theater, and Todoroki tried to not chuckle at that but he couldn't help it. You were strangely endearing, which is one of the many reasons he felt captivated by you. "Very well." He calmly replied as you got a few drinks and snacks before you went to the back row like you had requested.

"So based on the commercials, Tree faces another killer, can you believe that? She already took care of the first two in the first one..." You explained and decided to talk to him a bit before the movie started since commercials were showing first.

"I remember. You showed us all that movie. I wonder who else could have a motive to kill her this time now that her roommate's dead." He thought outloud, having liked the first movie and he gladly got into the conversation with you, which became more about your favorite kind of movies, with you telling him how you would HAVE to show him some of your favorites including Mean Girls, The DUFF, Whip It and then a show that was about hamburgers? That's what he heard. He actually smiled and chuckled with you whenever you said something amusing, and he intently watched the movie with you. Every time you gasped in surprise or laughed outloud, he found himself almost mimicking your emotions. Now he was getting why you watched these movies, although he was surprised that he nearly teared up with you during an emotional moment that touched him in particular the more he watched it.

Glistening eyes met each other, but he quickly turned away to avoid looking pathetic, and you snickered a bit. "Aww..." You actually hugged his arm just to make him feel better, and you felt his left side quickly grow warm as he blushed quite madly, thankful that the dark theater served to mask it. "Hey... thanks... for coming up to me today..." Suddenly, you thanked him with a soft tone that he hadn't really heard you use.

"You're welcome." He gave you a little smile, "You're not gross." That made you perk up a bit, although you didn't let go of his arm as he continued. "Midoriya told me that Bakugou and other children teased you when you were younger and called you gross, but they're wrong. You're not gross at all." He admitted, albeit leaving out the booger-eating lie and the fact that you told him you didn't brush your teeth this morning (until later), but even then those little things didn't tarnish his image of you. Todoroki liked you just the way you were, quirks and all.

You wanted to cry. After years of being teased and called gross, someone other than Midoriya actually thought that there wasn't anything wrong with you. With a big smile, you just hugged him tighter and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, earning a small gasp of surprise from him as you pulled away with a rather loud yelp when his left side suddenly caught fire. Which of course earned some looks from a few other movie-goers as you and Todoroki sheepishly apologized.

"I'm sorry..." But he made sure to apologize to you as fast as possible after nearly burning you, completely by accident of course. It was hard to quell your giggles as you shook your head, "No it's okay... I'm sorry for that sudden kiss..." You apologized with rather hot cheeks, unable to believe that you actually kissed a boy. And you didn't feel yucky at all! It actually felt really good kissing a boy, even if it was just a peck on the cheek.

Todoroki shook his head, looking somewhat bashful as his cheeks were still flushed. "Don't be... I liked it..." He said in a rare, shy voice as you couldn't fight the grin rising on your lips again. Although you had to keep your eyes on the movie too since you realized that you just missed a few things going on, but you found yourself placing your head on his left shoulder, which gradually grew warm as soon Todoroki felt your touch. He didn't hate it though, not at all.

"Happy Non-Valentine's Day... Shouto..." You softly said to him, calling him by his first name as a rather gory scene suddenly showed on the screen, but Todoroki couldn't help but smile.

"Happy Non-Valentine's Day... (Y/N)." He replied to you warmly. Now he understood what Midoriya, Iida and Uraraka meant.

And you finally had a good Valentine's Day! There was absolutely nothing yucky about hugging Todoroki at all, and you felt nothing but warmth towards this beautiful boy who looked at you like you were amazing. 'Best Valentine's Day of my life!!' You thought to yourself, snuggling into Todoroki's shoulder as he put his arm around you while the two of you happily watched yet another bloody scene roll by. Nothing says romance like watching a comedy-horror.

[tastes-like-ciel]

62 daybreakshipping

I really like the idea of this ship so thank you for the ask! ;u; New episode made me want to write them together so eyyy~ Also I didn’t actually use the line, but it is the basis for the fic as well as a little headcanon I like to have concerning Jin. haha

62. “You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Evening.”

Jin looks up from the glossy magazine in his hands, surprised but happy, and lets the magazine rest in his lap while he waves a hand at Yusaku in return. Yusaku makes a few sweeping gestures with his hands and Jin lightly claps his own hands together a few times, looking pleased.

Good evening, Fujiki-san. You’ve gotten better at greetings. Jin signs in reply and gestures to the empty seat next to him. Yusaku inclines his head in a little nod and continues his walk through the common room to the sofa Jin is seated at. Have you been practicing without me?

“A little.” Yusaku says while signing in reply. He takes a seat beside Jin and sets his school bag on the floor by his feet. “I think I have the basics down, but it’s the stuff with feelings I’m having a little trouble with.”

Yusaku isn’t someone who cares to emote all that much and it’s something that trickles down into how he signs. It’s very precise and methodical, like something an A.I. without any emotional coding programmed into them might say. It’s nothing soft like Jin’s or animated like Kusanagi’s, but neither of them seem perturbed by it. Still, if he can, Yusaku would like to change that, if for no other reason than to see Jin pleased with him.

Ah. You’ll get it eventually. Jin signs back and offers Yusaku a little shoulder pat in encouragement. You’ve already picked up a lot within just a few weeks. We can have full conversations without a need for pen and paper now.

“Yes, well…” Yusaku hesitates here, tongue stilling, and shifts a little in his seat. His hands move eventually but a bit slowly and shakily. “I…have a good teacher.”

Jin’s eyes widen a bit and he quickly looks back down at his magazine, cheeks a bit pink and hands a bit fidgety atop the pages. Yusaku looks down at his lap as well, feeling heat creep across his skin.

Time for a subject change.

“S…so, what are you reading?”

Jin’s shoulders hunch and he fidgets a bit more before he seems to come to a decision and scoots over, closer to Yusaku, until their thighs are touching. He pulls half of the magazine over into Yusaku’s lap and simply points at a rather high quality cutout of Playmaker posed mid-draw. It certainly has Yusaku’s eyebrows rising. People and their ability to capture pictures like this never fails to both amaze and frighten him.

It’s…talking about your body type and such. Jin signs meekly, looking a bit embarrassed about it. There’s dueling stats as well and an interesting breakdown of one of your duels against Revolver, but it seems people are attracted to Playmaker, too.

That hardly surprises him. It’s not the first time the subject of his looks have come up among the media or with horny fans on message boards. It still weirds him out at times, but he ultimately doesn’t care that much. It’s not like these people would ever see him in the flesh.

However, for Jin to be reading such a thing–

It’s not what you think! Jin signs quickly, a bit flustered. Not that Playmaker isn’t attractive, but I think Fujiki-san is nicer to look at and–

Jin abruptly stops signing the more fidgety he becomes and presses his face into his hands, a little whine trickling out between his fingers. He’s embarrassed, very much so, but Yusaku can’t blame him because he can feel his own lighting up his face.

Things like this, little shared spaces and touches and quiet admittances, have been happening for the past few weeks. With Hanoi dealt with and nothing else on their plate but real recovery, healing, and futures to decide, Kusanagi thought it would be nice if he and Jin finally had a chance to meet. So they did and hit it off rather well, or as well as two quiet teenagers with troubled pasts can, anyway. But Kusanagi seemed to figure something out around the third week of visits and started to encourage Yusaku to visit Jin on his own ever since. It was strange, at the time, but Yusaku thinks he understands what that something might have been.

“Th…thanks.” Yusaku manages. He doesn’t sign this and isn’t even sure why he responds with it anyway. His eyes flicker back to the article, mind quickly searching for a new topic and hands beginning to move again. “I don’t visit Link VRAINS much anymore. Kusanagi-san says people miss seeing Playmaker, but I don’t really have a reason to be him now. I’m just trying to be Yusaku.”

“Mm.” Jin lets his hands slip back into his lap and hums, nodding a bit.

It’s hard to be yourself when you don’t know what it means to live that way. Jin signs. He points at the cutout of Playmaker again. Playmaker will always be there when you need him again, but I’m happy I get to know who Fujiki-san is in person instead of through a screen. So, I don’t mind if Playmaker stays quiet for a while if that means I get to see Fujiki-san almost every day.

Yusaku keeps his gaze locked on the Playmaker cutout and feels the heat underneath his skin burn a little more brightly. Neither of them seems to be able to go three seconds without saying something that causes the other to feel flustered. Despite the flush, however, a tiny smile finds its way to Yusaku’s face.

“Mm.” he hums.

There’s a light tap at Yusaku’s shoulder and he turns, a question in his eyes. Jin points at him then pulls his hand up and towards himself before making a waving motion with his hands over his chest.

“I’m happy you came.” Jin surprises him by saying despite the signing, voice quiet but lips settled into a soft smile. His hands continue to move by pointing at both himself and Yusaku, but it’s something Yusaku hasn’t learned yet. “Thank you.”

Yusaku blinks and frowns just a little. Jin said “thank you”, but Yusaku knows how to say that in sign language already and what Jin signed isn’t it.

“What did you say?” Yusaku asks and signs the question as well, for emphasis. “I didn’t understand.”

Jin’s smile only grows and a very tiny laugh slips out. He gives a little teasing shrug in response and hums a little as he returns to his magazine and flips the page.

Yusaku’s frown turns into more of a pout.

“Jin-san.”

[edelgoth]

Hi, I'm 2w1 for ennea and (I think) ENFP for MBTI. I am a big nerd (obviously :D) and for hobbies I do MMA, photography, play the Mandolin, love folk music and acting. I like meeting new people even though it tires me out. My humor can be snarky, and I apologize way too much. I am not assertive at all, but do not shy away from difficult heart-to-heart moments. I do try to be there for people and normally see the best in other by default. DA2 or DA:I? & any gender, if you don't mind. Thank You!!

(Hi. It’s that 2w1) I think I for got to mention that I’m female, and I enjoy writing. But, yeah, thank you so much for if you see this!! ( If you’d like, I’d be happy to do a Dragon Age match up for you as well!!) Thank you again.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have no idea how excited i was to see a dragon age request in my inbox i’m,,, thank you so much! also, it’d be lovely if you did a matchup for me!! just message me! 

okay, so i tossed this one up a lot, but in dragon age ii, i match you with… 

fenris!!

i think you two have a nice amount of contrast! youhave the sort of personality that’ll help bring him some levity, while he has amore assertive edge

he strikes me of the certain of person to encourageyou to stop apologizing too much; not only have you not done anything wrong, but he has such a clear view of your valuethat the idea that you’re apologizing for nothing doesn’t make sense to him

you’d definitely be the “social point” of therelationship, if that makes sense; fenris is more than happy to let you dealwith other people, but he’s always there when you��re tired at the end ofthe day. he gets it,

he’d like to see your creative outlets, fromwriting to acting, and he’d be very supportive of them; he’s intrigued by howyou express yourself, and would value any extra understanding of you he couldgather from your work. i think he’d also really enjoy it when you played themandolin (i had to look up what that was for this and oh my goodness they’re so cute), and i think he’d be especiallyfond of the folk songs that had a story to them?

just imagine him resting his head on your legs withhis eyes closed as he listens to you pluck away at a laid-back tune,,, bless

i feel like he’d enjoy getting involved in mma withyou (or the thedas equivalent, depending on how you’d like to think of thismatchup), and it could be a good way for him to get more comfortable with beingtouched by others? that’s something he has to work through in a relationship,and while mma certainly isn’t intimate,it could be good practice? i have No Idea where this tangent is going, B U T itgives him a) an opportunity to get competitive for fun, and b) an opportunityto be close to you

fenris had a pretty good sense of humour, and ithink you’d bounce off each other quite well here. his humour is moreunderstated, so he’d like your snarky side 

but at the same time, i think being with someonewho has your outlook would be a good thing for him; he struggles with pessimism(with good reason), and he’s naturally distrustful (again, for very good reason). having someone whosaw the best in others would help remind him that things are okay, and that oneday, maybe things will get better

also, since you like meeting others, i feel likeyou’d help him get out of the house more? he has a habit of cooping himself up,but with the joint efforts of you and varric, he might see the light of day (orthe streetlights) just a little bit more

i think something else that’d be invaluable wouldbe your ability to have those difficult heart-to-heart conversations. fenrishas a lot to work through, and knowing he had someone with who he could behonest and vulnerable with would be precious. it would take him a while to getcomfortable with that, the dialogue you two would be able to have would helpyou both grow as people

and when all’s said and done, he’d try to be thatperson to you, too. i think a lot of people forget that fenris is a deeplycompassionate person at his core, and he wantsto connect with people; it’s just hard for him to really express thosesides of himself. but, knowing he was with someone who treated him with thekindness and patience he needed would inspire him to return that with attentivenessand care.

i love him so much thinking about him has made meemotional hhhhh 

alternative matchups

merrill: she was actually the first person i thought of, but i just felt more passionate about fenris tbh. that being said, i think your relationship with merrill would be quite different to that described above; you share the propensity to see the best in others, and you’re both very kind people. i can see merrill missing a lot of your snarky humour (to varying degrees of endearing), but she’d be as equally invested and supportive as you are. you’d have a very open, honest relationship, and it’d be the kind where you never went without affirmation and affection! 

varric tethras: honestly i can’t can’t quite put my finger on why i think you two would work well together, but this is a great match in my mind? varric is very different from the other two, but you guys would have a great rapport. you have similar senses of humour, artistic inclinations, and you both care a great deal about people. i think that while he definitely seems a tad more cynical than you, i think you’d understand each other very well. also, i think you’re the perfect mum for the kirkwall crew? and honestly, what else would varric look for in a partner? 

your inquisition matchup is under the cut because Big Yike guess i got carried away and this post is getting ridiculously long

in dragon age inquisition, i match you with… 

josephine montilyet!! 

i… love her so much i cannot put itinto words… and i think she would really love you!

first of all, kindest couple? you bothwant (and do) to see the best in people, and I’m guessing that extends to theworld in general, as well? josephine wants to make the world a better place,and you seem like the sort of person who can help her do that

also, beloved socialite couple! part ofher job is literally meeting new people, and she’d love taking her with you todo that. You’d flit through all those parties hand-in-hand, and she’d know exactlywhen to take over when you got tired

okay but josephine would want to takeyou everywhere with her, tbh. expectto travel the world with her, and whenever you meet anyone she knows, she’sdefinitely the sort to say “hello nice to see you have my met my partner? no? well, let me tell you—” before going ona long ramble about all your best qualities

your biggest fan, without a doubt. whileshe may not understand the wrestling (and certainly isn’t going to take partherself), she’ll be there cheering you on!

also loves seeing your creative work! she’senraptured whenever you’re on stage, she gets emotional when she reads yourprose (or poetry!), and she marvels at your ability to capture the beauty of theworld around you. It almost gets overwhelming tbh

she’d love your mandolin so much!! as anex-bard, she’d obviously have a bit of musical knowledge hidden in those puffedsleeves of hers, and she’d delight in hearing you play 

she’s not obviously nerdy, but I feellike josephine is a naturally curious person? Because of that, she’d lovehearing all about your interests and your hobbies, and would always have a cleverquestion to ask

she has a very stressful job, and she’dgreatly appreciate having a partner with whom she could be very honest and openwith. knowing she could be frank about her feelings with you would take amassive weight off her shoulders

you’d have a very good dialogue withone another, and it means that you don’t let things get bottled up or left tofester; your relationship is a very safe, comforting place for both of you, andit’s something you’re both thankful of!

and she’d be your biggest support too! josephineis a very emotional, loving person, and you’d never have to doubt how she feltabout you; she’d always be telling you how much she loves you and how much sheappreciates you

josephine is too good for the world andwe don’t deserve her,,, please duel for her hand in marriage and give her lotsof love

alternative matchups

blackwall: while he’s less bright than josephine, ifeel like the things he’d value in you would be the same. he’d appreciate theway you saw the best in other people, and i honestly think your lifephilosophies would be quite similar? i’m assuming here, but it just reads thatway to me. i feel like blackwall’s also very affirming, once you work out howhe shows love. he’s not as affectionate or overt as josephine, but he’d be justas supportive, once he felt secure in your relationship. he’s just a Good Man, youknow? it’s just going to take a while for him to relax and open up.

iron bull: okay so things would be very, very different withbull. your personalities would bounce off each other quite well, and ithink you’d be that couple that’s always laughing about something. bull would be the toughest nut to crack when it came toemotional openness, but i think he’d get there eventually. like fenris, he’dtell you that you don’t need to apologize so much. he’d teach you how to bemore assertive, and you’d teach him how to see the best in others. your ways ofseeing the world are more different than all the people listed above, but ithink that’d make for a really interesting relationship?

side note: i knowyou didn’t ask for a matchup for origins but,,, you sound perfect fororigins!leliana? softest couple 

[peachylixir]

3 Times Aizawa Smiled & 1 Time He Laughed

For the Day 2 prompts of EraserMicWeek: Smile/Jealousy AO3 Link On the Job Occasionally, when Shouta was on patrol and Hizashi couldn’t sleep, he would sit on the couch and flip to channel 4, the only local news station that would provide late-night coverage in real time. Oftentimes, there was little worthy of report, but every so often there would be a crime bust exciting enough to be covered in the reporter’s effort to get it on tv before the morning stations did. If he was extra lucky, sometimes he’d get to see a glimpse of his husband leaving the scene after saving the day. 

Today was apparently one such day, for as he stared mindlessly at the tv screen, a glimpse of a long white scarf in the background caught his eye. He sat up, clutching a throw pillow and grinning stupidly. The cameraman seemed to finally notice the underground hero and zoomed in on him, providing Hizashi a clear view of the young girl Shouta was kneeling beside.  She couldn’t have been older than six years old, and given the situation (a near kidnapping, according to the news), she should have been trembling with fear. And yet, she was nodding along to whatever Shouta was telling her, clutching one end of his scarf in her tiny fists. By the tilt of her blonde head, she appeared to be asking him a question. There was no audio for Shouta’s response, but the smile he gave her was so tender and reassuring that Hizashi felt his heart leap in his chest. Just as he was considering pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of the moment, it shattered as Shouta finally noticed the cameraman and abruptly stood, glaring harshly at the reporters. He turned to make his escape, but not before giving the young girl one last wave goodbye. Hizashi ended up dozing on the couch, clutching the pillow to his full heart.  For a Friend Shouta was of the mindset that laughter directed as Ms. Joke never counted because she was probably throwing a bit of her quirk in the punchline. Hizashi was inclined to agree. Although, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad for her as yet another one of her jokes fell flat. Shouta was a tough audience; he himself knew that better than anyone. There was a sharp huff to his right, the beginnings of a laugh, but by the time he turned his head, Shouta’s expression was schooled back into a red eyed glare. “Aww, you’re no fun,” Emi whined. Despite her complaint, she looked largely unruffled, broad grin still plastered on her face. Hizashi would never admit that he finds it a little unnerving. “Don’t you have a show to put on?” Shouta asked rather pointedly. He gestured to the empty stage of the comedy club, sparsely decorated with a stool and a lonely microphone. She waved off his concern.  “I still have some time. Will you two be staying to watch?” Shouta and Hizashi briefly exchanged glances. The latter won their silent argument easily and turned to her in bright agreement.  “Of course we will, girl!” Hizashi hooted, winking at her. She pretended to swoon. “I knew I could count on my husband, but this? The support is more than my little heart can take!” she sighed, turning dramatically away from them. She snuck a glance at Hizashi, a familiar question in her eyes. “I guess this makes you my husband’s husband? My husband in law? First husband, twice removed?” Hizashi’s smile stiffened. “I’ve told you that just my name is fine.” “Great! Well, anyway I’ll be testing out some new acts tonight, so let me know what you guys think, okay?” Now that was an easy thing to agree to. Back in their U-A days, she and Hizashi had been part of the Theatre Club together. Though she preferred to audition for comedies, they both shared a flair for the dramatic that had made them great stage companions. They would spend hours after school practicing their lines together, and when Shouta eventually joined them in their second year in the form of stage crew, he became their test audience. Fond memories and genuine encouragement warmed the blond’s tone when he told her, “Break a leg.” Her grin was nearly blinding as she shot some finger guns back at him. “Bust a gut.” It wasn’t until halfway through her routine, when the crowd was agreeable and her cheeks were flushed from the spotlight, that Hizashi noticed it. She was telling a story about a time she got chased down four city blocks by a lapdog. He heard a soft huff to his left. There, in the dim lighting of the comedy club where it was impossible for anyone to see, Shouta was smiling, looking somehow both amused and tender at once as he gazed up at their old friend. Hizashi’s heart twists, wrapping itself around the complicated emotions he’s always held towards Emi as redirects his gaze towards the stage.  Just Between Them Shouta’s reasons for not liking Toshinori had always been a little hazy. He never really went into explicit detail about his distaste for the proclaimed Symbol of Peace, even with Hizashi, because he was never the type to speak ill of someone behind their back, but he said enough to imply that they had a fundamental disagreement in teaching styles. Still, dangerous experiences brought people together; heroes were no exception. So it came as no surprise that Shouta warmed up to Toshinori after the USJ incident and even moreso after the learned of his true form.  What was surprising however was how well they seemed to get along now. Still not best friends by any stretch of the imagination, but Shouta went out of his way to invite the new teacher places, extending a welcome whenever some of the faculty went out for lunch. In return, Toshinori seemed to seek out Shouta for teaching advice and generally amiable conversation whenever Shouta seemed to be in a pleasant enough mood to tolerate idle chatter. Hizashi was genuinely happy about this development. A strong advocate for teamwork and getting along with others, it pleased him to see his husband playing nice with other heroes, especially in such tumultuous times as U-A faced. That didn’t quash the tendrils of jealousy rearing up from his gut when he saw them together. During third period one day, Hizashi was planning on giving his class a pop quiz, but as he passed them out, he realized he was a few copies short. Giving his class a stern look, he made them promise to sit quietly while he ran to make more. As he skidded into the teacher’s lounge, he overhead voices speaking in quiet tones. As he awakened the copy machine from sleep mode, he glanced up to see Shouta and Toshinori loitering by the coffee machine. They seemed to be deep in conversation, though about what he couldn’t tell from there. A few button presses later and the copy machine was whirring to life. Figuring he had a minute until the copies were complete, he decided to say hello.  “Yo, Eraser! All Might,” he called, wiggling his fingers when they turned at the sound of his voice. “Ah, good morning, Present Mic,” Toshinori replied with a polite nod of his head. His respectful mannerisms seemed so at odds with his larger than life hero persona, but it was a lot better than being obnoxiously rude like Endeavor. “Morning, Mic.” The copier begins to spit out at its usual slow, only sometimes reliable pace. Hizashi tapped his fingers impatiently against the machine.  “Sooo,” he drawled, eyeing their proximity. Shouta usually didn’t like standing so close to people if he could help it. “What were you two talking about over there?” It was an innocent question, or at least it should have been, but then the strangest thing happened: the two pros shared a furtive glance. Toshinori seemed flustered the way he always did when trying to come up with a lie, and Shouta looked markedly amused, the corners of his lips turned up in a smile. “Nothing really. Just discussing a few of my students,” Shouta told him easily, waving off the inquiry. Logically, Hizashi knew that it probably involved Toshinori’s obvious favorite, Midoriya. Jealousy wasn’t rational though, so he turned away to hide the ugly twist to his lips. “Ah, of course!” He replied neutrally, snatching up his still warm quizzes. “Well, I have a class to return to, so gotta jet. See ya guys later!” If he slammed the door behind him on the way out, well, then it couldn’t be helped.  Love & Laughter “What’s wrong?” Hizashi looked down to find Shouta staring at him, head resting comfortably on his chest as they lay in bed, legs tangled together. “What makes you think something’s wrong, babe?” Shouta released a huff of frustration. “Don’t play dumb. You’ve been tense all week.” Hizashi grimaced. In hindsight, he should have known better than to expect to hide something from his partner, but he was still ashamed of himself for being so obvious about it. A small part of it recognized Shouta’s perception as a show of affection, a sign that he knew him well and cared enough to notice when something was wrong. The thought soothed him.  “It’s just… I’ve been thinking, right?” He started, speaking slowly to stall for time while he chose his next words. “When we first met, I used to make you laugh all the time. In fact, sometimes it felt like no one else in the world could make you smile as much as I did.” There was a curiosity to Shouta’s answering hum, but all he said was, “That’s not how I remember it, but sure.” “Maybe not,” Hizashi conceded. “But that’s how it felt to me. I considered it a huge success whenever I got you to crack a smile.” “Where are you going with this?” Hizashi blew out a puff of air and ran his fingers over his lover’s scalp. He spent a minute carefully picking out the words he wanted to use before deeming them all useless; he blurted out instead, “I’m a little jealous at how you’ve been smiling at literally everyone but me lately.” Shouta stared at him. “Seriously?” “Yeah.” He sat up, adjusting himself so that he was seated comfortably on his partner’s lap. “Seriously, Hizashi?” he repeated, lips twitching. “I already said it once, Shouta. Please don’t make me repeat myself,” he grumbled, twisting his face into a pout even as his arms wrap around Shouta’s waist. “You just don’t get how valuable your smiles are.” “Apparently not.” The muscles in his cheeks jumped as he tried his damnedest to suppress his laughter. Even if it was at his own expense, Hizashi couldn’t help but admire the expression. “Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you get along with other people because it just proves to the world that you’re really the big softie I know you to be-” A snort escaped Shouta. “Tell that to the kids at school.” Hizashi huffed. “That’s different. That’s just… strategic meanness. Tough love is still a kind of love.” “Perhaps, but we’re getting a little off-topic now, ‘Zashi. Quit stalling.” “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He sighed, burying his face in the crook of his husband’s neck. “I don’t mean to get jealous,” he mumbled in the warm skin beneath his lips. “I know it isn’t logical and I know you hate irrational things, but I can’t help that I feel it sometimes. Your smile means a lot to me, and I just feel like I haven’t gotten to see it as much as I used to. I want to be the one who puts it back on your face. I want to know that I’m making you happy.” Shouta body shuddered in his lap, but Hizashi barely had time to feel confused when he heard a hearty burst of laughter escape his husband’s chest. “Wha-?” He pulled back just enough to stare in wonder as Shouta laughed hysterically, rare tears appearing as specks at the corner of his eyes as he shook with mirth. Hizashi wanted to feel offended, to ask what was so funny, but he couldn’t find any anger in him when the love of his life had such pure… joy on his face. Eventually, Shouta calmed enough to speak, gently cradling Hizashi’s face in his hands as he spoke. “You idiot,” he said fondly. “How can you ever doubt that you make me happy?” Hizashi felt his cheeks flush under Shouta’s unwavering gaze. “Next time you feel those irrational feelings, I want you to remember this moment, so that you can fight those doubts. I love you, Hizashi. You make me happy, and you always have. I may not always show it externally because well, that just isn’t me. The idea that other people make me happier than you is laughable. Don’t you ever forget that, got it?” He punctuated his statement with a firm press of their lips, as though he could push all his love and reassurance through to his husband’s thick skull. Hizashi’s hand came to rest at the back of his head to deepen the kiss. By the time they pulled away, both men were beaming.