#if u say it’s rushed that’s valid it very much is

[sundayinthcpark]

what doctor who is making me learn abt myself is I Like It All And Can’t Take Unnecessary Criticism

[codename-adler]

musing about jeanaaron rn.... what are your thinkings about them tell me anything

an exception from my to-do list for u orpheus and my loves Jeanaaron <3

- the height difference is EXQUISITE. 5ft vs 6ft2 😍😍😍

- backliner duo backliner tension backliner sync backliner soul

- i understand and read Aaron as a very no bullshit guy, but like, that’s it. he’s not mean about it, not cruel, not condescending, not teasing, not fake, not anything. (unless u are Neil Josten) i think that it’s very refreshing and fascinating to Jean? to meet someone who really has no ulterior motives whatsoever, in life and with his person. very trust material in Jean’s eyes methinks. the very just middle between overly sweet positivity and stabbing despair? idk, i just think Aaron shared Andrew’s honesty, but in a more neutral, idgaf way. does that make sense?

- Aaron tends to Jean’s woundssssss like no one ever has before and there is so much less pain!!!

- Jean cracks Aaron open right down the middle where nobody ever bothered to lookkkkk and there is so much more understanding!!!

- i like the Kevaaron vibe of revenge, like: you took my forever partner, i’m stealing your twin! or; you chose that moldy ginger snap, i’m choosing the same brand of bastard but he is TALL! it’s funny to me :)

- the patience they have for one another is infinite; they feel no rush, no pressure, no resentment. they would wait eternities for just one smile from the other, even if that’s all they would ever get.

- the quiet is important. silence without anticipation? a reprieve of the noise inside and outside? freely? i think they’re both silent people, but with one another there’s no forcing words, no expectations, no waiting for the other shoe to drop. the safest place where everything just stops and all is okay.

- CUDDLES. they are both hardcore heavy duty octopi in bed. holding tight tight tight tight no space all warmth. intertwined like bonsai roots.

- they looooooove to judge people together!!! especially their teammates and classmates. but the grocery store and airport are fun places too.

- i think they should learn to play instruments together. it would be very sexy. and angsty.

- i imagine them taking turns cooking, always one manning the kitchen, and the other sitting on the countertop. the kicking-against-the-cupboard-or-island length varies, but not the domesticity and intimacy of it all.

- Jean is the best teacher Aaron has ever had. for studying AND Exy. Jean is the best backliner, yes, but has that je-ne-sais-quoi that just gets through to Aaron, that just gets Aaron

- Aaron is also suchhhh a sucker for validation and making Jean proud is his #1 kink

- i think Catalina is so much like Katelyn (and woah would u look at that, such similar names 👀) that she instantly takes a liking to Aaron too, and Aaron as well right back despite his best efforts, and Jean is so touched that his bestfriend has adopted Aaron like she did with him, like he truly can have everything 🥹

- Jean immensely appreciate that Aaron is among the very very few people who does not shit on Kevin, but doesn’t worship him either.

- for what Neil did for Jean, Aaron truly starts to resent him less and less thanks to Jean offering a less idealistic vision of Neil that Andrew and the Foxes all share, but showing him Neil’s true colors that can also be good despite their violence.

- Jeanaaron on the motorcycle??? tiny beefcake plastered to Jean’s muscly broad back??? HELLO???

- back to the honesty think, i think where Jeanaaron differs from Kevaaron and is instead more similar to Andreil, is that the walls have to be taken down very painstakingly; Kevin and Aaron already know each other and have seen each others worse, there’s no armour to go through; Jean and Aaron don’t know each other at first, but they understand each other like no one, so it’s a game of truth too, one at a time, tearing down those barriers and touching that soft true heart behind; what makes them panic, what makes them scream, what plagues their nights and days, what lures in their past… it’s a whole new process of dealing with your trauma when no one else could ever handle it, much less want to look at it and kiss it better anyway.

also dusting off me old old playlist i had made for them, just for you:

take me home + 100 bandaids are really my jeanaaron anthems

[atlaswav]

LOST WITHOUT YOU ☆

INFO: 2812 words, Alhaitham x gn!reader, a little mildly suggestive content (16+) SYNOPSIS: after focusing your whole life on studies and beating Alhaitham, you find that you've lost yourself, and you don't know how to put yourself back together. AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is so rushed and bad but the ideas just kept flowing out and suddenly I wrote a whole short story 😓 (unedited pls lmk if u find errors! likes and reblogs also very much appreciated!!!)

It was never a competition – not to him, at least. 

Him, with his cold, unwavering demeanour and even colder, unshakable gaze. 

It never was a competition, but to you, everything was. You hated it all. You hated his expression, permanently arranged in disdain, and his withering glare. That look that he always gave you, always the same, blank stare. 

Above all, you loathed his overwhelming sense of self importance. He carried himself with such an air that you felt absolutely unremarkable next to him, and in your drunken wishes, you yearned for him to be put in his place. 

Wishful drinking, you called it, and such was suited to a night like this. The night before receiving the results for your final exams, the only one that really mattered in your seemingly futile quest to outshine Alhaitham. 

Your roommates were fully aware of your infatuation, though you wouldn’t call it that. They teased you for locking yourself up in your room while they went out socialising and bar streaking, most often returning with the reek of alcohol staining their clothes, passing out on the couch. 

They thought you weren’t a drinker, too, but truthfully, you only saved drinking for important occasions, and this seemed like an occasion important enough. With a flair for dramatic, you had claimed yet another bottle of cheap wine off the kitchen counter before retreating to your room, several glances of concern and curiosity following you down the hallway. Seated on the miniature balcony, you twisted open the cap on the bottle, wincing at the wine’s harsh bitterness as time slipped by, minutes blurring into hours with hushed murmurs outside your door. 

They cared, they really did. But you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge them, not with your thoughts too occupied with outdoing Alhaitham to amount to anything substantial. Your roommates already thought you were a studying fanatic – those looks of concern weren’t a first time occurrence as you trudged up the stairs with the wine in tow. You didn’t care enough to correct or reassure them  – though were they wrong?

You hardly left the house enough, if it weren’t for classes and your job, you’d be a hermit. It felt suffocating, sometimes, the life you’d given yourself. Though ahead in all other aspects, you couldn’t help but feel like you were falling behind. Everyone was falling in love, while you fell behind, caught in the grinding cycle of academics and validation.

Melancholic and dramatic, you were, when you were drunk. Though others may be hopeless romantics. 

“[name]? Someone’s here to see you.” Your roommate knocks on your door. 

You don’t glance over your shoulder as the knocking becomes more insistent. “No thanks.”

“May I come in?” A familiar voice echoes from down the hallway. Your hand freezes halfway to the bottle. 

The door creaks open, and you turn around, slowly standing up and steadying yourself on the railing. Alhaitham stands in the doorframe, only his silhouette visible through the light pouring in through the hallway. 

You’re suddenly far too aware of your pyjama pants and well worn hoodie, folding your arms across yourself. “Why are you here?” 

He stands there for a while, completely still. Then he sighs. “I don’t know.” Stepping across the threshold, he starts to close the door behind him. 

“I didn’t say you could come in,”

“Sorry.” He says. After a brief silence, he leaves. 

You stand there, confused, with unspoken questions hanging in the air. 

Then, the door opens again. 

You’d never seen him so unsteady before, gaze darting around the room and a flush high on his cheeks. His Emerald eyes are bright as he steps into the dim light of your room. “I have to come in.”

You frown at him in confusion. “Why are you here?” 

The moment doesn’t seem real as he crosses the room, joining you on the balcony. Quiet lingers around the two of you as you give up asking for his motive and simply reassume your position at the railing. Maybe you’re too tired or burnt out to care, but as he hesitantly joins you, casting you indiscreet side glances, you offer him the bottle. 

A show of camaraderie, perhaps. 

He shakes his head, and you take a swig from the bottle, yourself, before setting it back on the low, rusty coffee table.

He fidgets with his hands, turning the ring on his index finger over and over. It clicks with the ring on his other finger, occasionally, resonating an irritating ticking noise.

“Can you stop? What do you want?” You finally outburst, startling him. Alhaitham faces you now, entirely focused on you. But his usual look of casual disdain is gone, and you’re not sure you recognise the man staring at you. 

His features bathed in moonlight, his gaze looks softer than it ever had before. The soft breeze brushes his hair across his forehead, and you can’t help but wonder how soft they’d feel to your touch. 

“I want you,” 

Before you can fully register his reply, he draws you in, one hand reaching around your waist, another reaching softly into your hair, and kisses you. 

You fail to register anything at all – all other sensation is irrelevant with the sheer feeling of the warmth of his lips on yours. It feels so wrong, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away. 

It’s intoxicating. He tastes like wine. 

He withdraws, expression blank again. 

“What?” You utter, and abruptly, as if snapping out of a stance, he flees your room with such rapidity that you have to consider whether or not it was all a dream. As his footsteps echo down the hallway, you run a hand through your hair, tousled by his touch, snatch the bottle from its place and drink deeply. 

– 

The autumn chill drifts in the air. Other students dawdle about on the lawns, boisterous laughter echoing across the courtyard. Your class sits in solemn silence. You with your ringing head in your hands, and him with his back turned to everyone, focused on the lecture hall’s door. 

When you woke that morning, the morning after that, you were insistent on believing that it was a dream. But the empty bottle lying on the balcony and the ring on the ground said otherwise. 

You turn the metal ring over in your pocket, running a finger over the miniature inscriptions on the inside. 

‘Empathy, the double-edged sword’

You’d been fretting over how to return the ring, avoiding the primary subject on your mind – overshadowed with the return of the test papers. 

The minutes tick by in anxious silence until the door bursts open with a professor whose arms are filled with papers. 

If it weren’t for the pounding hangover, you’d be laughing at the anticlimactic atmosphere. The professor grumbles under his breath as he hands out the exam papers and results, not offering a general comment on the class’ results. 

He reaches Alhaitham, and gives him the pleased look he always gives him. The class launches into whispers of speculation. 

The professor’s walk down the aisles of chairs seems like it takes forever, and you have half a mind to snatch the stack of papers out of his hands and wildly search for yours. 

Until he stops in front of you. 

A slight smile as he hands the paper to you. 

“Well done.” 

A perfect score. 

Over your shoulder, someone announces it to the entire class. 

Alhaitham meets your eyes with a soft smile and a nod. A ninety nine is hastily scrawled onto the front page with red ink. 

Relief; Your heart and head feel light, but your stomach is filled with butterflies. It should feel liberating, but you’re unsure what – how – to feel. The past few years had led up to this moment, but it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like you thought it would, like the victory you’d hoped it would’ve been. 

As quick as it was, your relief is gone, quickly replaced by a sinking feeling of foreboding as you walk out of the classroom, congratulations falling on deaf ears. 

– 

It’s midnight, again, and you’re awake, tossing another empty bottle into the corner to join the others. 

Your roommates were overjoyed for you, they cooked you a celebratory dinner, toasted to your success, and teased you about going clubbing with them that night. Yet you turned them down like you always did, because nothing felt right anymore. 

That gaping hole in your heart, previously haphazardly filled with academics, now felt like a great, yawning chasm with no bottom in sight. 

Your entire purpose had been fulfilled, and you had a bright future with job offers lying in your emails, untouched, but it didn’t feel complete. 

You realised that you lost yourself. 

In trying to become better than someone else, you’d lost yourself, and you didn’t know how to find a way back. 

“[name], we’re going out, are you sure you don’t want to join us?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

A slight pause. “Okay. Also, your friend from before is at the front door. Should I let him in?”

You vividly recall the intoxicating, wine stained taste of Alhaitham’s lips against your own, the sensation of his fingers tangling in your hair, and his hand bracing your waist on this very balcony. The ring sits in your pocket, the tiny scrap of metal heavier than ever – a burning weight.

“Sure. Send him up here.” You manage. 

Melancholic and dramatic were a few of the things you were when you were drunk, but you were also known to have made horrifyingly bad decisions.

You hear your roommate walk down the hallway and down the stairs. You hear the front door open and close. You take the ring out of your pocket and start turning it over in your hands, pacing around your balcony all the while. 

A knock on your door, and you snap to attention, waiting a while before weakly calling for him to enter. 

The door slowly creaks open, and his silhouette fills the doorframe. He leans against it, seemingly unsure of whether or not to fully enter.

A long silence ensues. 

“Are you here to take your ring back?” You start, holding it out. 

“Oh. Yeah.” But he doesn’t cross the room. So you do. You walk toward the door, stepping into the light of the hallway as he steps back. 

His cheeks are flushed, gaze darting and fleeting. 

With more daring than you’d ever displayed, you grab his hand and slide the ring back on, marvelling at his fingers – long, slender, pale. Pretty. A scholar’s hands. 

“Thanks.” He murmurs, looking up from your hands, meeting your eyes for the first time. 

The soft look is back again. 

“Congratulations, by the way.” He starts, removing his hands from yours. “Professor said we were going to share valedictorian.” 

You nod, suddenly immensely uncomfortable. “Not surprised.”

He nods as well, seemingly sheepishly, muttering something under his breath that you don’t catch. 

“What was that?” 

“Kaveh said that if I don’t tell you tonight, he’d tell you himself.” 

“Well tell him that I said thanks.” 

He rubs his face with his hand, exasperated. “No, not congratulations,”

“Then what?”

He gives you a long look. 

“Are you going to stare at me all night?”

“Archons, I don’t know what you do to me.” He takes your face in his hands and brings your lips to his. 

It all feels so right. Alhaitham tastes just as intoxicating as he did the first time, only now, there’s a fervour behind his movements. The cherry wine on his lips is exhilaratingly rich. You could get drunk off his taste alone. 

His hands boldly move down your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin – in return, your hands wander his torso, teasingly skimming the skin beneath his shirt. He shudders, pulling away, although the sheer intensity of his gaze tells you that he won’t be leaving you this time. 

“Does that tell you what I'm here to tell you?”

“Might have to explain a little more,” You rasp, catching your breath. 

Some sort of restraint within his self control snaps, and he pushes you into your room, locking your door behind you. 

In light of what happened after that, you were tremendously grateful that your roommates had left to go clubbing. 

– 

Neither of you were sure what it was. 

The morning after, he’d left before you woke up. Rather than feeling betrayed, you appreciated his absence, as it gave you time to gather your scattered, alcohol imbued thoughts. 

It soon became a regular thing, where he’d stop by your shared house – that you’d never given him the address to (although he later explained that he got it from Kaveh) – to see you. It wasn’t always a hook up, sometimes he dropped by in the middle of the day if you were around, and made conversation. 

The first few nights, however, were actively avoided. He would always hurriedly change the topic or avoid the question, averting your gaze. But it didn’t matter now – or so you thought – as he sat on your bed, watching you read. 

A month ago, you’d have kicked him out without a second thought, but here you were, making idle conversation about something as ordinary as TV shows and work with him while you read. 

It felt nice – right. It felt like you’d known each other for years when you were intent on resenting him for your entire college career. It felt so secure that you’d forget why you hated him. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, flipping through one of the novels lying on the bedside table. 

“You.” 

Alhaitham rolls his eyes. “Of course I am.”

You hit him lightly with your book. “Pretentious little shit.”

“Wounded.” He deadpans, setting the book back down. 

“Seriously though, I find it so weird that you’re sitting on my bed and making normal conversation with me when a year ago I’d have given you a black eye if you showed up to my house unannounced.”

He frowns. “Why?”

You level him with a blank stare. “Are you being sarcastic?”

He shakes his head, expression genuine. 

“You’re not kidding?” You set aside your book, leaning in. “I hated you, you know that, right?”

“What?” His expression is one of genuine surprise as he takes in the apparently new information. “Since when? Why?”

“You have to be kidding me.” You laugh at the comical nature of it all. “You didn’t know?”

He stares at you, mouth half open in shock. “The whole time?”

You nod. 

He lies down on your bed, still digesting the discovery. “I thought…”

“What did you think?” 

“Your friends always just said that you didn’t socialise a lot, I thought you just didn’t know how to socialise or something,” 

You sit and observe him in silence for a while. 

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m surprised” he runs a hand through his steel grey hair. “It was so obvious, now that I think about it. How could I have not realised?”

“Your turn. Tell me.” You suddenly say, lying down next to him. “What did you want to tell me the first night you visited me?”

He goes quiet. He’s quiet for so long that you have to check if he’s still awake. His gaze is pointed at your ceiling, the glow in the dark stars there. 

“I’ve been somewhat in love with you for the longest time.” He finally admits, voice thick.

“You what?” You sit up, mouth agape. “What the fuck?”

“If you want me to leave, I’ll go.” He says, sitting up as well. “I figured I should tell you eventually, and that time is now.”

Quiet ensues, as it so often does when you’re around each other. Not an uncomfortable sort of quiet – the quiet that speaks louder than words. 

You’d both been blind the whole time. You, for your infatuation with him – with beating him, with his person, with his attitude and, though you’d never admit it to him, his looks – and him, with his one sided love for you. 

And though you’d both been too near-sighted to see the other person in their entirety, now your cracks are showing. The recesses in his facade of steel, and the fractures in your mask of indifference. 

Two puzzle pieces. Pieces that could mould to each other, shaping and weathering with time. 

So when he makes to leave, you grab his hand. A silent question. The tension eases from his shoulders, and Alhaitham pulls you off the bed, wrapping you in his arms. 

The past few weeks with him have proven nothing but the possibility of loving him. That the hatred that you’d accumulated over months of blind infatuation masked the presence of something far more confronting.

You couldn’t recognise yourself in the mirror anymore. So much of you was missing. But maybe, the two of you could find yourselves in each other. 

written by @delat1ne, published 27th of August 2023

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas !

i hope u don’t mind me asking u this, i just wanted ur opinion, although i think i’ve already made up my mind.

so i’m writing this fic abt sirius (20) raising regulus (5), the fic is like wolfstar but also black brother angst as sirius tries to figure out how to raise his heavily traumatised autistic brother who goes mute in public, stuff liek taht, yk?

but ofc when writing fics, u daydream abt it and pretty much i’ve decided i want to write a sequel of regulus in high school, and struggling with his autism and trying to navigate friendships

anway, the thing i wanted ur opinion abt: i personally headcanon regulus as being trans masc however, the fic im currently writing, regulus is 5, like a child so i don’t rlly know how that would work. as regulus is traumatised from his abuse and autistic it’s more likely he wouldn’t realise he’s trans until much older, liek 14/15ish. i mulled over the idea of 5 yr old regulus saying, hey im a boy, and sirius being all chill abt it, but it doesn’t feel realistic and like i’m rushing the transition for the sake of my headcanon, and that feels insensitive

but also, i’m uncomfortable writing regulus as a ‘girl’ for the majority of the fic just bc im thinking abt writing a sequel.

also, i’ve written an explicit one shot with trans masc regulus before, and i sort of feel like if i write smut with trans regulus, then a serious fic with cis regulus, i feel like it could come off as me fetishising trans ppl, if taht makes sense.

i think i’ve already made up my mind that i will write him as cis, but i jsut wanted a second opinion

also i hope that made sense it’s liek 3am and im very sleep deprived

Hi! <3

Okay so this is just my opinion but I don't see that as fetishizing. I write both cis and trans regulus, you know? Headcanons are valid and there's a difference between writing and fetishizing. Unless your smut is like...super disrespectful, of course. But judging from your tone, I'm guessing it isn't.

Honestly, I think you could do it either way. If you write pre-transition Regulus, there are plenty of respectful ways to do it. But also if this version of Regulus isn't trans, then that's valid, too. You're the author, and it's your story.

[mikelogan]

ttpd thoughts

for the record, i'm not trying to be like. purposely hateful or anything, i'm just so deeply disappointed with her. this last year has been a mess and she's repeatedly acted in ways that, at the very least, rub me in the wrong way and at their worst have disgusted me and made me lose so much respect for/faith in her. miss americana has become a piece of performance art rather than any sort of meaningful activism.

she made a very public display of dating/hooking up with a bigot and basically said "fuck you, i do what i want" in response to valid criticism and then tried to smooth it over by working with one of the women he'd called slurs. almost every time she spoke this year, whether in an interview or through tree, she reinforced my worry that she views herself as untouchable and that any sort of negativity or criticism directed toward her should be discounted because she's an "underdog" and a woman, despite the fact that there are very real issues with her words and actions. and don't get me started on everything with football guy and his trump-loving ass.

she is absolutely allowed to do, say, date, fuck, etc. anyone and anything she wants. she can write songs about all of it. she can do damage control and pr and control the narrative however she chooses. she can run smear campaigns and drag names through the mud while maintaining she's the perpetual victim when she's arguably the one with the most power in any given situation. i can appreciate that fame presents a set of challenges that i will never experience or fully comprehend.

but i'm also allowed to have my opinions on it, especially when so much of it is so heavily publicized. there is so much we will never know and there is also so much we do know that we never should have. pretty much since eras was announced, she's become so deeply oversaturated and it went from being cool to see so much hype and getting a new album and new re-recordings to feeling like everything is about money and breaking records. it's become a machine, a content factory, and so many decisions feel rushed, incomplete, and incongruent. it doesn't feel like there's been real thought about the material itself and instead it's become about aesthetics and sensationalism.

i think that's why i'm so frustrated right now and it's highly likely that these albums will grow on me or at least some of the songs. i've been listening to the 12 songs i liked on repeat since i finished my initial run through each album and i already like them even more. but i wish that it could truly just be about the music for me. that's what's always been most meaningful to me about taylor is her lyricism and the stories she tells through her songs. but knowing everything i know and having seen everything i've seen over the past year, it's tainted my perception of the albums and the songs on them.

i think that taylor has a lot of growing to do as a person. i've heard people say that sometimes celebrities are frozen at the age they became famous and i think that really shows in taylor's case. the irony of a song being titled "so high school" was certainly not lost on me. a lot of her phrasing feels very juvenile, just as her treatment of joe and everything surrounding the end of their relationship has been. i never really had feelings about him one way or another, and as i mentioned above, there's a lot we'll never know about what happened between them. but she's been pushing her victim narrative so hard and the only thing i've seen from joe is his support of palestine. actions speak a lot louder than words. it changed so drastically from the initial news of their breakup being amicable to turning him into yet another villain. i have no doubt in my mind that taylor has been treated very poorly by a lot of the men in her life, and joe is likely not an exception. but i'm to the point where i have to take everything she says with a heaping tablespoon of salt.

at the end of the day, taylor's music is her own and i understand why she's said that she wants her work to be about the music and not about the men. i can see how it would feel invalidating to have her songs picked apart and attributed to the men they're written about. and i'm not even trying to do that here. but i can't recall a time when she's been so public about her relationships? in the past, it's felt a lot more like speculation, but jesus, between ratty and tk this past year, we've just been inundated with so much that unless i was an extremely casual fan that managed to escape her face on every news show, billboard, and social media website, i can't fathom not knowing what she's singing about on these albums. she can't have it both ways.

i still have all the music that came before ttpd, and like i said, with subsequent listens, ttpd will probably grow on me a bit, but idk man, i'm over it. and i think it's important to be willing and able to criticize or at the very least analyze your favorite media, whether it's music or tv or film or literature or whatever else. your favorite thing probably sucks in one way or another and pretending it doesn't doesn't make you a better person than someone who acknowledges it. these are complex, extremely nuanced things i take issue with and when it comes down to it, i will never know taylor personally and be able to talk to her about these things and get her point of view and her thoughts. that leaves me to say my piece, which is what this post is.

as a recovering swiftie, i'm just so very tired.

[sandrockianblues]

Got hcs of Logan slowly building his relationship with the builder after their first encounter? :3

Logan? 🥰

🤍Logan🤍

Just like his adoptive son, Logan fell first.

Very strong denial about it but whatever.

Haru likes to speculate that it was destiny when Logan watched the train the builder was on pass the bridge. Like normally, he never cared too much, but he just watched this one time.

Logan denies it to this day.

But what he can’t deny is that after a certain incident that caused him to flee out of town in the early hours on Rambo- catching the gaze of the builder was far more startling than a certain explosion

Y’all may be like “but Siren- the builder’s been simping from the very start?” “Siren, what about the builder fawning over the WANTED posters?” “Siren, don’t forget about that certain bit of dialogue you can say”

SHHHHHHHHHHHH

That was all just attraction based in my books

Before the builder actually gets to know Logan.

So how may Logan be the one at the precipice of tipping you may ask?

Going off that notion “the eyes are the window to the soul.”

And whose eyes did he meet?

The builder’s.

Did he fall in love right there? No. But it left this raw feeling in him like he just knew he’d someday be exposed before their eyes and made human once more.

Fighting the builder gives Logan a sort of thrill. Like, it was a means of survival before, but now? It’s this rush and boost of adrenaline. It’s a certain kind of fun he hasn’t had in quite a while. And after their first battle? Under all the dire reasons for it to have occurred before? He wants to go again.

Skipping past the spoiler stuff-

And building off assumption bc we in early access folks

He takes a bit to reacquaint himself with Sandrock once more. While he could probably let go of the uneasiness he feels that resides in him and just pretend nothing ever change- it’d be a lie.

These people, his neighbors and friends, believed in him at first but quickly changed their tune. They let doubt cloud their minds. They turned against him. And he can’t just forget about that. He’s not sure who he can exactly trust now outside of Haru and Andy. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells.

But then the builder is there. And they’re new and fresh faced. They’re a change of air and Logan feels drawn towards them. Like, he doesn’t have to plead for forgiveness for them because they met him at his worst and he can only go up from there.

And everyone in Sandrock, he feels either betrayed him or he disappointed them.

So if he’s not with his express adopted child or his co-dad, he’s finding himself trying to capture the builder’s attention.

Need help carrying that? He can do it. Can’t reach that? He can! Forgot the rickety ladder? Logan can lift the builder up.

Requests commissions even if they’re far too simple for the builder to make. It’s a wonder why they’re the ones that snatch his requests up and not Mi-An- but he’s certainly not complaining, that’s the whole reason they’re up there.

He doesn’t realize he’s falling in love with them until Haru makes it clear that he’s got competition (bc let’s be real- builder was racking up relationship hearts with others before they could properly meet)

Jealous cowboy, anyone?

Like his adoptive son, he’s not afraid to take his time in waiting for them.

He just wants to establish that he’s there for them and to at least consider him. If they’re going to open their hearts to anyone, then let him please be on the list of potential candidates.

Logan’s never had a love language before or was really shown one (tho I hc him and Heidi being friendly exes who dated when they were young).

At first, he commissions a lot of weak weapons. Even the builder is confused about it because like, if anyone knows the strength of a weapon, it’d be the monster hunter right???

But then again, the weapons keep breaking and if the weapon breaks… then Logan gets to see the builder again for a valid reason, right? ( @paofia I see what u we’re doing here)

It’s not until Haru AND Andy are like “buddy- maybe you shouldn’t be wasting your money on pointless commissions?”

He ignores them and continues

Doesn’t stop until even the builder is so concerned and a little fed up that they build him really strong weapons for free and dump them in his arms telling him to stop breaking his shit

Logan_the_bandit.exe has stopped working.

His soul has left his body.

His heart? Irrevocably gone.

Big bad ass over here is simping and melting

The builder looks even cuter when they’re frustrated with him. He could just die.

Fine. He won’t do anymore dumb commissions.

He’ll just post bounties but plot twist! There’s a fine print

“Partnered task. Just need an extra hand.”

Peach, he loves fighting by their side. He quickly adapts to their rhythm and speed. Knows when to trade covering them to dealing the blows.

Monster killed! Time to reap the benefits and-

Oh no.

No no no no no no-

He thought it was just with the grease and grime of building, or or or when they came out from mining but

Oh no, oh peaCH, HE’S FUCKED.

There’s a little cut here, a little blood there, their hair is wild and caught up in the wind. And the way they hold their weapon???

Builder best fucking know CPR because Logan’s heart just gave out.

Death by: fatal attraction.

Logan is all cool and collected on the outside with his country drawl and spinning pistol, but inside he’s like, “I’d have to throw myself off this cliff if I drop this twirling pistol in my hand rn. I’d rather get hit by a train than embarrass myself in front of them.”

Andy being a lovable little shit and an absolute wingman but shoving into the builder’s legs and all that to push them into Logan.

Haru springs random moments for his pal by telling them Logan needed their help

Cue Logan having to quickly construct a lie because he was not prepared for this.

But taking that first step with Logan can go one of two ways:

He finally works up the courage to ask you out and appears far calmer and cool than he is on the inside

Or the builder snaps and does it instead

But one thing is certain: it’s fairly easy to see Logan blushing because of his complexion and white hair

Even if he wears his mask, his ears give him away too

I feel like Logan has a long running issue with love though and fears truly being with someone because of his mother leaving his father.

So the builder and him will have to slowly work through that.

Like Owen, Logan has a penchant for old fashioned nicknames.

Darling, doll, sweetheart, etc

It’s just what he vibes with and feels compelled to call his builder

Logan also grew up caring for people and once the builder is his, that’s it, they can’t escape his care and affection.

The man is touched-starved and Haru has long since gotten sick of his buddy hanging off him when he was bored or clapping him hard on the back after a job well done

But Logan treats the builder with so much affection and is afraid to break them almost. Afraid to scare them off

He’s been feared for awhile now and he doesn’t want that with them

So he fine tunes himself to be better and treat them with so much love and care

It actually helps quell his fears significantly when time grows closer to him becoming a father. Andy could handle his roughness and strength, but Logan worried so much about hurting the kid.

Having the builder be his and letting him touch them has helped Logan significantly.

One of his favorite sleeping positions- if they let him- is with his head on their chest. There’s something so incredibly intimate and beautiful to him about being able to feel and listen to his builder’s heartbeat when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up.

The same goes for when he sidles up behind them and wraps them in a hug, sliding a hand up to rest against above their heart just to feel it. Sometimes he does it on a bad day, sometimes he does it just because.

The only thing Logan plans in life is for his builder. Birthday coming up? He’s thinking of a thousand and one things to do. They’re having a bad day? He’s got a contingency plan for this, hold up-

If the builder wears his hat, he’ll die on the spot, it never gets old.

The prospect of traveling with them seems to excite Logan because he’s never really left the desert. But it also comes with safety precautions such as having to change his attire and letting his hair down, sometimes sadly limiting his speech around large groups of people- all because a lot of people in the Free Cities know of Sandrock’s infamous handsome bandit, but not a lot care that he’s a good man who has cleared his name somewhat. Judgment doesn’t cease to exist, afterall.

He will propose. Regardless of if the builder beats him to it or not. He will do it. It’s something he needs to do for not only them, but also himself. It’s how he finally lets go of his fear long instilled from his mother leaving both him and his father.

It’ll happen, but give him time. Never push him or question his love for the builder. It’s unyielding, undying, the strongest part about him. But he still needs time to let go of that pain and fear too.

Logan’s love for the builder is indestructible and something of great might. He’s fought countless monsters, but he couldn’t keep himself from losing to his own feelings for them. And he’s glad he lost this one battle.

Also, them speaking in his country accent, sarcastic or not, he still somehow swoons for them. Someone help this man.

[trans-axolotl]

hi! no rush in answering this and I hope it all works out with your job, sending good vibes. I wanted to ask for some advice as my partner hss AFRID and (probably) anorexia. they've been refered for help for the AFRID stuff specifically and they (for very valid. and obvious reasons) don't feel comfortable opening up to drs about the other loads of eating problems they have. Now they are being monitored and freaked about abt the need to gain weight etc

Im helping them as best I can but it feels very us 2 (and our friends) vs the rest of the world plus that I feel I'm p much winging random stuff that Might help see what sticks. We are trying to find some middle ground were they can make some "progress" so they aren't coerced into something they really don't want to do by drs and so they can have a little more energy etc etc.

We are also both still living at our parents and it's all just not ideal. rn. Any advice at all would help really, is there anything I should do and anything I really shouldn't? just typing it up to someone who won't tell me to force them to get themselves admitted is already a relief tbh thank u for ur work on harm reduction <3

Hey anon! Thanks for reaching out. It can be so hard to find any information about how to support people with eating disorders that isn't just "Go get professional treatment right now," so I will do my best to share some stuff that we've been talking about in my harm reduction + peer support networks!

Correct me if I'm retyping your situation incorrectly, but my understanding of what you shared is that your partner has ARFID and is also having other struggles with eating more related to anorexia in terms of fears about weight gain, body image, etc. Their doctors know about the ARFID and are receiving some sort of treatment for the ARFID, but the treatment is triggering some more of the anorexia stuff because of the increased monitoring.

This sounds like a difficult situation for both your partner and you as a support person, and I can understand how stressful it is to have to worry about coercive treatment on top of trying to figure out ways to cope with disordered eating in the first place. It sounds like you've been doing a really good job supporting your partner and listening to what they need, and trying out lots of different things to see what's helpful for them. I'll share some tips, but as always, what works for one person won't work for another! Asking your partner and collaborating with them to figure out what their exact needs and wants are is always going to be the most important.

@librarycards just made a post about harm reduction in eating disorders that I'm going to link to. I'm not going to restate everything they wrote, but one thing they talk about is identifying what feels like a necessity that can't be changed right now, and what things feel like there could be some wiggle room and space for change right now. If your partner is open to it, it might be helpful to sit down and make a list of what kind of eating disorder behaviors feel absolutely necessary right now that can't be changed, and what things feel more flexible. I think it's really important to be able to do this nonjudgmentally--a lot of eating disorder recovery spaces argue that "recovery" is all or nothing, and that allowing any kind of eating disorder behaviors is a failure. It can be really important to use a harm reduction approach to identify goals that actually feel doable for us, instead of saying the only option is to stop every eating disorder behavior and mindset 100%. That will look different for everyone, but explicitly giving yourself permission to continue some eating disorder behaviors can sometimes help people meet other goals around energy, quality of life, etc that are important to them. I know for me, having both ARFID and anorexia made it incredibly difficult to try to focus on dealing with both at the same time. I completely stopped trying to focus on any ARFID goals in increasing variety or challenging sensory needs, and instead just focused on figuring out coping skills and how to meet the energy needs for my body. Giving myself permission to only eat safe foods, ignore social norms around food, etc, helped me a little bit with figuring out how to cope with some of my restrictive urges. It might be worth figuring out with your partner what goals feel like priorities at the moment, and making a plan together.

Another thing that I found super helpful in my own journey with the ARFID and anorexia combo was learning about fat liberation and discussing it with other people. Basically all mainstream eating disorder treatment doesn't bother to spend anytime talking about fat liberation or fatphobia, and usually actually perpetuates a lot of fatphobia. I think that being able to dismantle the societal ideas we learn about weight gain, fatness, and diet culture is super important for everyone, and I think that for disorderly eaters, it can also be super important to track how that influences our own self-understanding of our eating. This list by Rachel Fox is a great starting point for fat liberation resources. For me, it was super helpful to be able to read through articles and books about fat liberation and discuss them with other people, and build a political understanding of fatness that allowed me to connect what I was reading to my experience with disorderly eating. If this is something that your partner is interested in, having someone to learn + read with can be super impactful.

I think it can also be crucial to think about your own boundaries and needs as a support person. You are not in charge of "fixing" your partner and your partner does not need to be "fixed." You're allowed to not know the answers to things, need to take breaks to support yourself, and to also be going through difficult times. Both you and your partner's autonomy is important, and figuring out ways to support without feeling responsible or trying to control each other can be really crucial. I can tell how much you care about your partner and it sounds like you're doing a really incredible job with all the ways you're providing care. If either of you ever feels like you need a space in your life to talk about this, ANAD offers peer support groups both for people living with eating disorders and for family/friends of people living with eating disorders.

Other than that, there's not a ton I can think of for things you should or shouldn't do, since it seems like you have pretty good insight into major things to avoid (forcing people into hospitalization, making fatphobic comments, reinforcing diet culture, forcing recovery) and are doing a lot of things right (asking your partner what they need, trying things out and being flexible, making room for harm reduction style goals instead of only "recovery.") Keep asking your partner how to support them, collaborate with them on the best ways to provide them care, and continue being there for them through this hard time.

Truly sending you and your partner the best of luck, anon, and hoping that you both can find some care and healing during this difficult time. All the solidarity and please feel free to send any other asks with more questions, vents, anything, <3 <3 <3

[presidentlokis-hornyhelmet]

idk if your requests are open but your laufey pavitr fic literally made me shed tears -- can i please request a pavitr fic based off of "My Love Mine All Mine" by Mitski? thank u ❤

My Love, All Mine

🕷MASTERLIST💔

Pairing: Pavitr Prabhakar x reader

Tags: One-Sided Attraction, Grief/Mourning, Unrequited Love

Summary: How many times can a heart be broken? As long as it trusts, or as long as it loves?

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay pls forgive me y'all 🙏 ;_;

Also read on AO3

The bustling city around you is lost to the souls who enjoy it. The morning is cold, the breeze chilling your bones but you don't care. You let the bright rays hit your skin, the tears falling down your cheek as you watch the graveyard in grim silence.

Nothing cuts deep like a love untold. And each time, somehow, it hurts more. 

The wind blows brown leaves away, twisting and turning as they land on the dull tombstone. You brush off the dust with your hand, sitting down, unable to stop the tears flowing. The dent of engraved letters feel rough and icy against your fingertips. It feels wrong.

He shouldn't be here!

It wasn't supposed to happen, not to him!

One year ago today, he.. he died. And took with him your very life.

You want to cry so hard, you want to scream and shout but you're worn out. Throat gone sore, eyes tired and dried up but the sorrow never left. Heavy bags have formed under your eyes tainting any happiness left.

To the world he may be Spider-Man: a hero demised, to his family he may be Pavitr Prabhakar -a son lost- but to you, he was a friend, a savior and much, much more.

You loved him more than words could say, more than feelings could express; you loved him with all your heart, alone.

After his death, you used to come here with Gayatri, Pav's girlfriend, and grieve together. But as months passed she had moved out of town for the sake of her mental health, wanting to move on. Perhaps she got her closure; maybe you didn't, and that's why you could never forget. Or maybe, because this was all you ever had and you wouldn't let go.

Even if it was gone.

My baby here on earth Showed me what my heart was worth

The little touches that meant nothing to him, the inside jokes, the longing eye contacts that always meant something more to you.. the ghosts of memories past haunts in shattered pieces. How many times can a heart be broken? As long as it trusts, or as long as it loves?

So, when it comes to be my turn Could you shine it down here for him?

He was the first one to like you for being Yourself. Pavitr brought a new perspective to your life. He showed you love when no one would, he gave you a hand when no one else did, he let you know you were valid, he showed what you were worth, he pulled you up from the dumps.

Pavitr gave hope to a withered, trampled rose; he made you come alive.

Except he had Gayatri to reciprocate it. You had to reserve yourself to just enjoying the unfortunate fate of being his friend, swallowing your feelings, however intense they were. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him -even if it hurt you.

You used to sit there, third-wheeling them and just being a spectator of everything you've ever wanted: Him. So near yet so, so far away.

Why you hurt yourself that way and still got addicted to it, you never knew. Maybe you loved the pain, maybe it was the kind of  drug that keeps you alive. It had you going, looking forward to enjoying the littlest things in life, the most insubstantial interactions and most trivial of feelings. It made life brighter in general, it gave a weird rush in your veins. The possibility of it growing into something more toying cruelly with your gullible heart.

The pain, it was indescribable; like a crown of thorns squeezing your bleeding heart to the last drop. It hurt, and it felt so good.

But this was a different kind of pain. It's permanent and it's... forever. This wasn't the drug type of pain, this just came in and ripped the life from your hands, leaving you soulless; empty.

This is kind of pain that tears you apart limb from limb; a pain that leaves you broken forever.

The moonlight shines bright upon the edge of the cliff, illuminating the red and blue colored mask in your hand. you run your fingers over it again and again, feeling the material. The eye-lens are so wide and bright, expressive just like him. You let the stray tear slip down, tasting the salt on your lips.

The moon is full, but you feel empty.

He's here, he's here with me. He's gone nowhere. He's here, he's here!

You won't move on; you can't move on. You're stuck and you can't help it. You embrace yourself around the knees and shudder, crying.

Moon, tell me if I could Send up my heart to you?

You lean back and lie down on the grass, never taking your eyes off the moon, the beauty radiant. Perhaps one day you would go there too? Become a star in the sky and shine down on people like you, yearning for the tiniest bit of love. Is love that expensive?

Perhaps that had been too much to ask. Or maybe some simply must not ask.

Clutching his torn mask to your chest, your eyes droop as you slowly drift off to sleep, the radiant face and shining hair of Pavitr Prabhakar bleeding into your thoughts. He's here, he's here.

So, when I die, which I must do Could it shine down here with you

There is a price we all must pay and yours cost yourself. But you're not left with nothing.

Your love you own; only your love, all yours. And thus it remains forever.

'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love, my, my, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine, all mine 

_________

Hope you liked it! Thank you for reading ♡

A/N: I am working on all the others, thank you so much for requesting and waiting! (hopefully i'll post them soon too!🤞)

[idyllicbby]

There was this user on TikTok that explains it better than me, but they were pretty much saying lesbians move romantically with a scarcity mindset.

i completely agree because we definitely internalize the mindset that if we ever find a romantic partner, who is also lesbian, attractive and “checks all of our boxes”, we have the tendency to “rush” and experience them in every way that we can before the possibility of that person not being in our lives and being alone (romantically) happens again. it’s the main reason why i think we have the stereotypes of “U-Hauling” and moving faster romantically compared to our non-lesbian counterparts.

& obviously this stems from the fact that the lesbians (in the US bc they’re are still lesbians in the global south who have to hide) before us were constantly living in survival mode simply because of their sexuality so they did have to love as if it was there last time. they couldn’t love as loudly as we could, it was rather you lived your life in the closet or you were out and proud until you were ostracized, jailed or killed.

so I get why we have a scarce mindset and i’m not saying it’s an inherently bad thing. I don’t believe in putting a timeline on your experience with a love one, but I do think it was a very valid point that i haven’t thought about myself before.

[someone1348]

K my friend! I just wanna do another request with the turtle boys! So uhhh what I'm thinking is that what if the Rise boys interacted with a very shy reader and the turtles just cheer them up by tickling them? (Ler!turtles lee!reader) I think this might be new for u, again sorry for disturbing. Thank you!♡

Hello my friend!! I apologize for how late this is but I still hope you enjoy regardless!

And you are never disturbing me! I promise! /gen /pos /p

Anytime anytime!

Tw: they are cheer up tickles so it might be a bit sad but other than that none! This is adorable!

With all of that being said Enjoyy!!

-K :]

____________~☆°♡°☆°♡°☆~_____________

Leo!:

-The BEST at cheer up tickles!

-Since he's more of a vocal/verbal teaser/teases are his THING his cheer up tickles consist of not only your favorite tease but a whole bunch of compliments

-From compliments on your laugh to how adorable you are, Leon's gonna say it alll to get that incredible smile back on your face again!

-He knows from personal experience, and from being twins with Donnie, that gentle tickles are more suited for cheer ups so thats what he'll do unless you say otherwise

-it really depends on the situation but regardless he's on top of everything!

-Making sure you're comfortable the whole time!

"Hey,,Hey what's wrong?" He immediately rushed to your side, his voice calm and soothing.

It was hard to explain at the moment but you just weren't feeling 100% and that's absolutely valid! He was absolutely understanding of course

"Here, if you're okay with physical touch right now, I can give you a Leon style distractionnn~" he giggled wiggling his fingers teasingly at you

After you give him the go ahead he wiggled his six didgets gently alll over your tickle spots as he complimented every reaction, giggle, sound, ect. That you made!

"Awwww look at that incredible smile! And might I add what adorable giggles you have! Ohoho did I find another tickle spott! I'm gonna getcha'!~" He continued to lift you up and getcha all giggly until you were ready!

And of course he gave you cuddles afterwards if you wanted them!

Donnie!:

-He's pretty great at cheer up tickles

-He won't tease or compliment per say but he will point out little details about your actions in a good way

-And will reassure you that everything is going to be okay

-He's used cheer up tickles on Mikey before so he has a pretty good understanding of what to do and what not to do

-He's extremely gentle though

-likes to trace and draw into your tickle spots to help sooth you when this happens

"I've got you, everything is going to be okay, are you comfortable with physical touch right now?" He asked you gently before doing anything.

If you give him the go ahead he's gonna draw circles and little shapes in your skin, outline things like your ribs or spine to "study" the human body some more, but really it's just to get you all giggly,

"There's that laugh I love so much" he'd say with his own smile "Say, you seem to be more ticklish here and when I trace, how interesting I do quite enjoy your responses though, like music to the ears"

He tells you how proud he is of you and continues until you feel better again. He will absolutely be getting you anything you want after that too! You deserve it!

Raph!:

-The GENTLEST ANGEL EVER!

-He's already gentle with his tickles but if you need cheer up tickles, he's on a whole other level of gentle

-He'll scoop you up, hold you close and tickle you all over your tickle spots until you're feeling better again

-He will absolutely use baby talk though so look out! /pos

-He can't help it! You're so precious to him and he's just gotta coo about how much you mean to him in the way!

"Come here, Raphies got you, you're safe with me I promise, are you okay with physical touch right now?" If you say yes he's gonna scoop you up and onto his lap, holding you close before wiggling his six didgets all over your giggle spots, so gently it almost feels like a feather with how light and soft he's being, unless you tell him otherwise of course!

"Raph's gonna getcha' Awww look at you! You're so precious I could listen to your laugh alll day! Coochie Coochie Coo~ awwww there's that incredible smileee! Tickle Tickle Tickleee" he would fawn over how adorable you are

"You're so important to me and this world, don't you ever forget that"

Mikey!:

-Whenever you are sad He will do whatever it takes to make you smile again

-It starts off with jokes and silly faces but then as you gave him the go ahead he would move to tickles

-His tickles are normally fast paced, and these ones are quick too but he's definitely more gentle then normal (of course unless you tell him otherwise :])

-He's gonna do everything he can for you to see you smile again

"Oh Sunshine, come here, are you okay with physical touch right now? Because if soooo I know a certain doctor who can helpppp~" He wiggled his fingers teasingly/playfully at you. If you give him the go ahead he is pulling you into the tickle hug of your lifetime!

"Doctor positive is going to tickle alll the sadness out of you!" He smiled as he wiggled is fingers gently and quickly over every tickle spot he can reach

"I've got you, I promise" He would reassure you before being teasy again "Tickletickletickletickle~ awww there's that smileee~" he adores you, and hearing you laugh and or seeing you smile especially after knowing you were upset is the best part of his day!

---------------------------------------------------

God I needed this,,, I hope you all enjoyedd! I loved writing it so much! Thank you for the request! Apologies on the lateness again!

I hope you all have an amazing day/evening/night because you truly deserve it! Know that I am so incredibly proud of you, existing can be tough but you are doing a great job! Give yourself a pat on the back today, you're doing a great job! Also please do whatever is good for your soul, you deserve good things!

-K :]

[hwanswerland]

dont u find it actually puts u off the group even more? like the only way to interact nowadays feels like its only on social media and even then its hard to genuinely get a comment in here or there bc theres hoards of overzealous tweens who desperately want the validation from these idols whereas some ppl who want genuine interaction dont want to do much to get that... fancalls require albums being bought multiple of them, fanmeets like i say barely happen from any of the groups, send offs and other shit are a no from me bc i hate being squished in large crowds plus i feel like u have to always be extra and do extra just for a simple interaction or the off chance of being noticed by them and its not like even if u get a good seat that theyd give a genuine shit if ur there or not cause they dont know u anyway.

okay so honestly? I don't care if they notice me or if they know I exist. I don't live for an interaction with seonghwa or any of the others and I don't interact with their music/concerts/etc as if I do. Like if I randomly were to find myself right in front of them and they waved at me from the stage that absolutely would be really cool, but in no way would I ever try to be extra or superficially draw attention to myself 😅 in Amsterdam last year I was absolutely close enough to the stage that they could have seen me, and I didn't expect that with my ticket lol. And everytime a member came close it was 50/50 of me going omfg they're so gorgeous and omg the people around me are so fucking cringe screaming and crying his name just for .5 secs of y/n moment. Like idk ahsgsgsg they're just some guys and I'm there for their music, but not to get their attention you know? If I could just sit down for a coffee with hongjoong I'd do that in a heartbeat but it's the "I have to buy tons of shit to even get the chance to see them from closer" that just feels very icky to me.

What does actually put me off the group, and I'm sure I've said this before, is how they never get a real break, kq is releasing stuff at a rate no one can keep up with, at least the last album being americanised and the entire cb feeling rushed and low effort and disjointed (concept pics to mv pipeline ???), and with then getting bigger the fanbase getting more deranged and even getting fuckass concert tickets has turned into a competition with people buying 20 tickets JUST IN CASE they're not getting the other 18.

[plvtosun]

2, 7, 22, 69, and 77 for the girlies and their babosos for the OC Relationships Asks!

WHEW THESE WERE GOOD THANK U

2. who is the one who fusses the most? does the other one mind very much?

toca: blanca's always anxious about something, and assumes the worst in a lot of scenarios. toki doesn't quite understand why she's like this (yet) but he tries to help. it can be annoying sometimes if he's already emotionally too tired to pull her out of her episodes to calm her down.

skwigi: skwisgaar is the CEO of fussing !! similar to their dynamic ^ but gianna nips his perfectionism in the bud when she can. it's not that she never fusses, because she totally does as a fellow creative and it can get bad, but she knows that nothing productive comes out of spiraling so she tries to snap herself (and him) out of it. she only minds if he's choosing to refuse help or advice.

7 was answered here so i'll do 8!

8. who is the big spoon? the little spoon?

toca: 99% of the time, toki's the big spoon. likes wrapping his big ol limbs around blanca and holding her tight so she can't wiggle out, even if it's hot as balls in the room. definitely cops a feel to the mochis and the tres leches. he likes being the little spoon if he's had a particularly rough day or just needs/wants some extra affection.

skwigi: skwis likes to be the big spoon because he runs cold, gianna runs hot, and same with toki ^: he likes having access from behind and giving her squeezes. he falls asleep easiest when he's the big spoon, but once in a while he likes when she holds him too. if he's feeling like it he'll rush into bed before she does and lay facing away from her so she knows he wants to be the little spoon without him saying anything.

22. what is something either character doesn't like about the other?

toca: toki generally likes her attitude and snippiness with everyone else (when they provoke her!) but he's gonna steer clear of her if he knows she's in a mood because sometimes she says things she doesn't mean in the heat of the moment and it can turn into an argument, especially if they both happen to be feeling extra sensitive that day.

blanca likes clinginess/possessiveness usually, she thinks it's kinda cute in certain amounts, but she doesn't like when toki has his days where he won't want to give her personal space or gets jealous if she's busy with friends or work. sometimes he's just a little pegajoso.

skwigi: skwis is all for personal space, but sometimes gianna can be a little too distant, even for him. he likes the attention from fans but he loves hers the most, so if he feels he's not getting enough it makes him cranky and he doesn't want to ask for it either.

gianna's kinda jealous generally, and she knew what she was getting into with skwis so she prepared herself. sometimes she'll just roll her eyes at the attention he gives fans because she knows it's not that deep and that they're solid, but other times it really bugs her and she doesn't wanna seem like a "tóxica" for bringing it up even though it's a valid feeling. and he's always leaving stray hairs on the shower wall!

69. if they were to go shopping, who holds the bags? who decides where they go?

toca: because toki likes buying a bunch of chingaderas for her and himself he'll normally want to have some klokateers around to carry everything, but blanca thinks that's extra, so she puts a stop to that and says they can carry their own things. and by "they" she means he can (if the stuff's heavy or there's a lot) because wtf else does he have muscles for?? duh! they take turns deciding where they go.

skwigi: gianna makes skwis carry the bags because she thinks it's fucking funny. he decides where they go in exchange

77. what is something they would never forgive the other for doing/saying?

cheating for both for sure, but that's a given. these apply to both pairings:

if one of them skipped out on a super important event that was meaningful. ex: if blanca had a big art show but maybe toki was fucking around with the band (or even worse, rockzo) and lost track of time. something like skwisgaar's tv special that he was really nervous about. lying about something huge to spare the other's feelings.

[ubike-official]

my dear friend ive been thinking of you talking about having self hatred blinders on with your trip and it really resonated with me like yeah thats exactly what im dealing with rn and trying to pry them off myself but still struggling with it even as im aware of it, i was wondering if u had any tips for moving forward and out of that kind of self hate and trauma fueled horse blinders mindset (aside from yknow. general healing and unpacking it all). no rush or pressure for replying i was just wanting to pick ur brain a little about it ily i hope ur day is going well

Hi Rey, my friend Rey! Thanks so much for being patient with my reply. I wanted to really sit down and give you a good proper answer here so I reviewed the Ancient Texts (my old journal entries). One thing that really helps for me dealing with the trauma self hatred blinders is the feeling that I owe it to myself to be confident. I think of sad little child me and how I know she wanted to be confident and accepted. And when I think of how others made me feel this hatred and that it's not a natural state. That my natural state was happy even if it was short lived, that i deserve to return back to that state.

Now thats easy said but very much not easily done. I still have moments where I realize after the fact i was isolating and falling into bad habits. Like when I was abroad i remember once the guy sitting next to me said hi to me outside of the school gate and was inviting me in to come talk with everyone and i literally ran away and tripped down a flight of stairs where no one saw me, cried, and dragged my bloody knee to a pharmacy to buy a bandaid and no one batted an eye. At that moment i felt like what just happened was proof that I was awful and no one cared about me. But in hindsight that wasn't true. Those people were inviting me in and i ran away. And i wasnt a bad person for that! i just had a lot of trauma and needed some grace and time to process it!

And it took me around 3 months to muster up the courage to try again. And I mustered it a couple of ways. One of my very bad traits that I'm working on is judging others. I remember there was this guy that took the same bus as me, that had such an obnoxious Australian accent and was so Caucasian and had the audacity to just talk to anyone. And I haaaated him. But like, one day it clicked while i was being a hater, this dude legit did not know or care who i was. he had friends and did so many things i wish i could've done. I stopped seeing him but soon a similar guy appeared that was of the same type of person, and one day I talked to him. And it didnt amount to much. But it helped me get over that block. Because if i was gonna spend all that time disliking him, i wanted him to at least know who the hell i was. at least once. Not for external validation, for me. And I feel like sometimes having that awkward, scary conversation can really help.

In terms of processing and healing I really love physical journaling. It doesn't need to be fancy or coherent, but writing it down, especially before bed helps me really process whatever things are weighing me down. I like to get it out right before bed so i can go to bed with a clear mind and not have the 3am lying in bed spiral. And def try to gauge what things you can unpack and resolve with a session otherwise it can leave you worse off.

One thing that helps for me that may not work for you or others given your health situation. I think a casual low intensity amount of drinking with friends or at a bar in a safe space helps. For me being just a little tipsy makes me put my guard down and connect with others and gain confidence from small, low commitment, one off interactions with strangers. This can also be replicated Non alcoholic/substancy in like a cafe, library patio, or community setting. If you're able to find somewhere accessible to you and be a regular and say hi, get some low level interaction. When I came back home from Taiwan I made it a habit to try and say hi to people when i went for walks and just get comfortable doing that. Or I'd make small talk with checkout clerks at the grocery store and juat add a comment in. Like sometimes I'd just rehearse saying something about the weather or the week or idk, anything. And just whip it out of your back pocket. Sometimes it'll land, sometimes it wont.

Hope this is at least somewhat helpful! you've got this, we're in this together^^

[lloydfrontera]

at first I lovedddd the webcomic, it's my favourite webcomic of all time. Sometimes I felt like things were rushed (cough cough.. bone dragon arc...) And just seemed off in the story, like it wasn't even meant to be in it but I didn't mind it bc I liked the silliness and lightheartedness of the story until I read the q&a. I was so thrown off by how "rude" the artist seemed and when it got to the point where someone asked about all the changes that's when I was like "changes? You mean they changed a few things about the story from the original novel?". I then started digging around and that's when I found ur blogs and wow, the whole story changed perspectives for me. After reading more and more I found out exactly how complex Lloyds character is and his relationship with other characters and the whole "Javiers hair is mint green cuz silver is hard to draw" as a just beginner artist I thought was very stupid. I tried reading the novel after finding out how much was actually changed and how the novel is more complex and filled out than the novel but I'm too small brained and trying to read something with mostly words makes my head actually spin and lose interest (which is why I only read the adaptations of stuff a d never the novels) . I find it quite sad actually bc at first when we got introduced to og Lloyd in the newest chapter I instantly fell in love with him because I like his type of character and I find him very relatable, always blaming others (even tho I know I'm wrong), making excuses, violent behaviour, actually somewhat caring about things but mostly not really and using alcohol (for me it's daydreaming) as a way to escape. Or at least that's how I see him in the webcomic and yeah that's why I find him very relatable. I love him so much even more than Kim (y'all don't attack me for this T^T) but after reading ur blog about him and realising he's completely different and much more whiny and shitty in the novel I'm just like "aw man, my fav character that most people hate is actually supposed to be a absolute bitch with no good or relatable thing about him(I still love webcomic him tho)" . I'm very disappointed with the webcomic now honestly and would love to read the novel but again I just literally can't read only words (if u have any suggestions on how to make it easier and more interesting to read novels wiithout literally having to bang my head on my table because of all the words and no pictures that would be really great!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Wait now that I'm reading this I realised I went completely off course and just saying stuff about myself , I understand if ya don't reply or have anything to say cuz honestly neither would I T^T

sorry it took me so long to reply!

you are so valid nonnie i appreciate you took me along your journey <3

as for ways to read novels more easily! mmhh personally i've never really struggled with binge reading, so take my words with a grain of salt, but i've heard doing it in small chunks helps! you don't have to rush through a novel, you can do it at your pace. maybe you can liveblog it, point out stuff you like or made you laugh or just notice while you read. tged specifically has a lot of chapters but most of them hover around the 2.5-2.7k word count, so you can read one chapter at a time without getting to overwhelmed. the writing style is very simple, has constant breaks and also it does have illustrations for every chapter! if that helps!

if you can do it, maybe also changing the font or the spacing can help. personally i like clear fonts without too much embellishments and 1.15 spacing, but you can experiment until you find a font that you can read easily.

i hope some of this is useful, like i said, not really my area of expertise but i really hope you can enjoy the novel! it's really good and i think you'll have a lot of fun reading it if you enjoyed the webcomic as it is!

[taegularities]

You exude the feeling that you give out so much love and don’t receive the same amount of love and care you give out. You have so much love to give and won’t ever stop showing your kindness towards others, but it feels draining as it’s not always given back to you. You may feel discouraged at times and want to isolate and hold onto your love because it’s easier to contain all the love you have than give pieces of yourself for “no reason”

You’re going to find that tenderness and care soon.

There’s going to be a person/people who will value and never make you feel less than and treasure all the love you have to give. It’s a passing feeling and may feel like there’s no end to this constant loneliness, but it won’t last forever. I am sure there’s a bright future for you and if you ever feel like there’s no point in caring so much, just know I love you. I have so much love to give and I want everyone to know that no matter what, my love cannot end and will last for as long as I live.

Love is endless and so is my love for you🫶

ah.. this.. this hit a spot. very hard, too. 🥲 like. how did you even guess jdhdhhsk i'm curious, bc that's something i've been thinking about a lot lately, so.. idk?? :')

i like giving away love bc i believe that kindness will never disappoint. whether you're nice to someone you love or give a compliment to a stranger on a bus, a smile is (most of the time) worth it all. but. god, it's.. draining sometimes. not loving itself, but feeling like you're not enough.

you're so right that i sometimes do feel like i give way more than i receive? and i'm never someone who expects any of it back.. i love bc i love loving.. but lately it's been so obvious and so painful. not (just) here but irl, too, like.. people leave or feel okay hurting me or taking what i give for granted? the reason i blush and tear up when you guys praise my writing or me as a person or tell me you're proud of me or love me or want me here or find me comforting.. is bc i'm not used to it lol (talk about cmi oc's abandonment issues and insecurities :')). and it's hurtful to never hear a thank you or feel like i'm not valued or appreciated, but it's always expected that i'm here?

and i like being there for people.. it means they trust me and find warmth in me. it's why i constantly tell everyone that it's okay to vent (irl and in my inbox) bc feelings are all valid. but.. sometimes i'd love to hear someone ask how i'm doing. or how i'm holding up. or to send love when i vent. i would never ask for it!! i'm absolutely not an "i did smth for u, now do something for me" kinda person!! but i've been feeling so dang alone. and like, the boys are gone and i'm crushed and i've been in an absolute rush and burning out the last few weeks and i sometimes wish someone told me things are going to be okay? or ask me how i'm feeling..? i know so many of you care but.. idk. loneliness sucks lol

i want to love and be kind and give out comfort.. but god, do i crave it sometimes, too. some people say it's easier to just stop putting effort in things, but my literal foundation builds on optimism and hope, so i can't :')

this message might not reach anyone else, and like.. even if no one else reads it, i want to thank you so so much for saying this and verbalising my worth. i appreciate your love so much and i love you so much, too.. really, it feels good to feel like a person sometimes and i hope you know how precious you are, too 🤍

[silviakundera]

Justice in the Dark ep 2

That interrogation scene between Captain Luo and Pei Su is so spicy.

'if I Pei Su were to murder a man after longing to do it...'

PS: 😈

LW:😐😶

PS: 😘

LW: 😠

7 years Tragic Backstory Unlocked!# Honestly I was hyped to see the flashbacks. LW being the first one to rush in and covering his eyes 👌 👌 Locked eyes as the doors close, then locked across interrogation room. The confliiiiict.

I just really love Big Misunderstandings that are actually valid - not people being oblivious and foolish, not artifically staged, but the 2 people have authentically different perspectives and priorities, and with imperfect knowledge of each others' actions & motives they developed a false belief that eventually the story tears down. (andthentheyhavesex)

The contrasting cuts of different daily routines was everything I wanted. This series truly seemed to be made for the novel fans. It's imperfect and not as complex as the source material but I feel like you can tell they are trying to bring scenes to life for fans

jfc pei su you really do spend 80% of your time in the dark abandoned house ur mom died in, lounging dramatically in chairs and twirling ur coin like a super villain. u need a working class cat-owner boyfriend to be prickly but soft & nurturing at u pronto.

Episode 3

The opening nightmare is so vivid. His trauma is legit haunting the series.

Love how dedicated Pei Su is to being creepy 24/8,, just pure professionalism, putting it all into the craft

They actually kept the unsettling hospital visits to his dad. 💜💜

Doctor: after 3 years there's like almost no way your dad is waking up

Pei Su: so you're saying there's a chance... (cuts off air supply) (lol j/k)

the Luo Weizhao character doesn't chew up the scenery in the same way, but I like his vibes. a lil rough-edged, sassy & competent, but not doing too much. just inhabiting the role.

the game console!! ❤

"your blind date?!?" "do you want to borrow my car?" scene was classic. the show vs tell aspect for their rival crushes on safe straight boy Tao Ran is really working for me.

and then the scene where Pei Su is revealed to have a cat's picky habits and Luo Weizhao decides to just accept he will take it as feeding his cat!! watching him take that lil nibble and peeling him shrimp! and we get more hints that they do have a real history; they know each other. The series captures that tone from the novel, where their relationship is at the start of the tale... this intimacy of long acquaintance but in all interactions they start off on the offensive or are feeling each other out w caution. They are so close and yet walled off from each other at the same time. A sense, in brief moments, of wanting to cross the boundary without triggering their usual landmines, but not knowing how.

And Luo Weizhao gets to have a full-on action sequence at the end. Very dashing.

Case 1 so far is relatively faithful. I already know how the cases end up, obviously, so I'm more into all the interpersonal moments. I look forward to team hijinks in the future. Please let the full series air eventually please please please