#if tumblr had a memories feature this would be actually insane.

[kingjasnah]

im srry i cant even reconcile this i know that it is the plight of the worldsinger to effortlessly shed and don names like clothing and when hoid switches it up in book its still fine but i cant get my head around this. i JUST got used to the book referring to sigzil as nomad. if we hadn't done what we did last year maybe i could take it seriously but we DID. we did. this is on us.

[inficetegodwottery]

A call for aid from Firefox Users

I have absolutely no fucking idea how to solve these problems, and there are asks with no answers all over the internet elsewhere that are years old.

There is a weirdly hostile atmosphere on Reddit's Firefox boards to asking questions about features Firefox doesn't seem to have. And obviously, official support forums are about as helpful as they ever are. Given that I've seen and reblogged countless extremely informative posts about Firefox stuff on Tumblr, I just have to hope one of you guys knows answers to some of these issues.

Because I want to move away from Chrome. I really, really do. It is a constant source of stress and fear at this point. Google is an insanely evil fucking company and I despise them, and admire Firefox's stances on privacy and commitment to user security. But I cannot use a browser that lacks so many of the organizational elements I'm used to using in order to deal with my extreme neurodivergence and inability to process information all at once combined with my tendency towards flitting from one train of thought to another constantly.

Using Firefox (I've tried to switch five times over six or seven years) in the past has been overwhelming and stressful and completely devoid of certain features I could use to control those feelings on browsers like Chrome, Opera, and even Safari.

So if anyone has any solutions or suggestions for the specific issues I describe below, it would be an enormous weight off my shoulders, and help me feel a lot safer than I do now.

I'll admit that my tab fever is insane, and I've regularly racked up 2000+ tabs on Chrome. But I can sleep/unload just about all of those tabs constantly, making it so I can keep my trains of thought completely paused without the slightest impact on my computer's performance while I work on something else, and come right back to them without having to dig through the Bookmark system. And the way I generally keep that insane number of bookmarks organized is with separate windows and TAB GROUPING. Bless tab grouping, the saviour of my sanity. With that feature, I can have a completely organized tab tree with color coding, searchable groups, easily group and ungroup tabs or move them to different windows, and I can manage all of them from the same UI I'm managing ungrouped tabs from.

This is a feature which Firefox appears to fundamentally lack, despite apparently having had it implemented fully at some point.

I will say that I tried several addons before making this post, specifically Simple Tab Groups, which was atrocious, and Panorama View actually looks fantastic, but also.... Firefox has placed a security warning on that one. Great.

So if anyone knows of a hidden browser settings option, an overlooked tab grouping addon, or some other way to implement that feature on Firefox, I would be eternally in your debt. I just do not have the ability to process or work on a browser that I can only have like forty tabs open without losing track of everything I'm doing because they're all on a single ribbon. Or completely overloading my RAM.

On that note, is there any setting to make the browser use less memory? I've had the core process run up to almost a dozen gigs of RAM with only twenty tabs open, and there's absolutely no way it needed all that processing power for four YouTube tabs and a bunch of settings pages.

Lastly, there are a number of times while I was using Firefox that I lost power or the program crashed (and it crashed a LOT) and I lost everything. Every tab, every bit of work I was doing at the time, with no way to recover them. I've had that happen with Chrome too, but WAY less often, and when it recovers all my tabs it does so while PRESERVING MY TAB GROUPS, and it also doesn't load every tab in until I actually move to that tab. Firefox loads every tab it's recovering all at once, which usually completely locks up my computer.

At this point I'm pretty much only using Firefox to watch YouTube videos past the adblock, despite desperately wanting to transfer literally everything over to a browser that I KNOW is the safer and better option. But every time I've tried, the total inability to organize like I used to, losing all my progress and being unable to regain it whatsoever, or just using up four times the amount of resources that my browsing would on another platform has drive me away. I don't want to be driven away. I want to solve this, but I've had to accept that I can't do that alone.

I greatly appreciate any help or advice anyone can give. Even if just only one of these questions gets answered or only one of these problems gets solved, that's a win in my books. And thank you for reading, even if you don't have any of the answers I'm looking for.

[feymaid]

You can't even PRESUME the amount of joy when I read that you're making a pic of the whole Aeducan family! Really hope tumblr won't screw up the quality like it tends to do. Big fan here, I'm curious: how much the kids resemble their father, will the mother make an appearance on that portrait? I wonder about your headcanons on her looks, personality and what could have been, if she stuck around long enough to at least see her kids grow up. Who takes after who & what (in personality this time)?

Hello!! Thank you so much for your interest!! This turned out to be pretty long so I have it all written out below for you :D ~

It's funny because I actually only was intending to originally focus on the three Aeducan siblings but this ask got me thinking about their parents and who each child takes more after. I would say all in all that all three of them resemble their mother at first glance. But their father's features become more easily identified as they all get older.

In my own headcanon, mommy Aeducan died after giving birth to Bhelen, which didn't help his older siblings feel any sort of sibling-y affection for him since they were too busy mourning and resenting Bhelen "killing her". As for the Queen herself, I've always pictured her to be very stern but slightly kinder and more patient than her husband. She would have still been just as obsessed with keeping up with her children's education as Endrin was, and had a passion for dwarven histories (something that she and Uli have deeply in common.) Nonetheless, the pressure she would have put on her children would have been very high.

Despite Uli and Trian having memories of her as small children, Bhelen still is the most like her in nature. Bhelen is all of his mother's calm and patience warped into a mask of his true brutality, which came as a result of being raised by Endrin. As a child, Uli saw her mother as a pillar of strength and beauty, and to this day still wants to emulate this idolized version she has of her mother in her head. She very much blamed Bhelen for her death and had to face the guilt and complexity of her emotions during her return to Orzammar during the events of Origins. Trian on the other hand was more of a loose cannon. Trian has always learned and thrived in action and wasn't interested in learning about anything that didn't concern the glory of the Aeducan house or learning the ways of a warrior. Trian admired his mother for her role as the dutiful wife of the king, but he has always craved the complete undivided attention of his father and would often try to abandon her lessons in favor of his.

Endrin as a father is a whole different story, as I imagined he completely relied upon his wife to be the moral and educational model for his children to follow up until he felt they were old enough to be taken under his wing for their more 'respective' roles. When his wife died and he was left with two small children and an infant, he panicked. Trian, Uli, and Bhelen were passed around from nursemaid to nursemaid and grew up without their father being an active parent in their lives. Endrin still very much loved them in his own right but was primarily concerned with making absolutely sure they would be successful heirs and ingrained in them to be absolutely ruthless and competitive.

Due to the insane pressure, these three kiddos were under and each of them suffering under the grief of their father emotionally abandoning them, they all fought for his attention one way or another. Trian desperately wanted to be the favorite child, but his temper got in the way of it and he was painted as unstable and cruel. Uli felt the need to rise above her own mother's status and mold herself completely to her father's wishes, all the while admiring and holding onto Trian as her role model which ended up damaging her reputation by association. (I could go into a whole other rant on Uli and Trian's relationship and how much she loved him and the cost of that but that's for another day lol). Bhelen stirred in resentment and rage for being cast out by his father and siblings for indirectly causing the death of his mother, a woman he has never known. He was arguably the most neglected child, which only made it easier for him to eventually betray his family. I do not know exactly how much would have been different if their mother had survived, but I doubt it would have been half as tragic as the story of the Aeducan family ended up being.

[themomsandthecity]

Rihanna on Bringing Her First Baby Home and Early Motherhood: "It's Everything"

With baby number two on the way, Rihanna is finally ready to share her thoughts about motherhood. Having just given birth in May of 2022, the Fenty Beauty mogul shocked the world with another pregnancy announcement during her Super Bowl halftime performance. But although she's kept fairly private about her first child with her partner A$AP Rocky, she opened up about her initial pregnancy in British Vogue's March 2023 cover story. And truthfully, as she went on to explain, she can barely recall what life was like before. "Oh, my God, it's legendary," she says, in reference to her first few months as a parent. "It's everything. You really don't remember life before, that's the craziest thing ever." Even when the singer and businesswoman tries to jog her memory of what her life was like pre-baby, it's like looking at a stranger. "There are photos of my life before - but the feeling, the desires, the things that you enjoy, everything, you just don't identify with it because you don't even allow yourself mentally to get that far," she says. "Because it doesn't matter." Rihanna also discussed delivering her son, describing herself as simply "blessed," although she admits that seeing her life change so quickly messed with her head. "It was beautiful," she says in the interview. "Essentially, from one person I became two. You walk into the hospital as a couple and leave as a family of three. It's nuts," she continues, calling the entire situation a bit of a "head-f*ck." "They trusted us to come home with this baby? This new life? With us?" When it came time to bring her baby home, Rihanna remembered the anxiety that came with it. "You're so paranoid. Because you're like: they trusted us to come home with this baby? This new life? With us?" she recalls. "No doctors, no nurses, we're just … going home?" While she got by on trusting her instincts, Rihanna's experience with a newborn will sound familiar to any other new parent. "Those first days are insane. You don't sleep. At all. Not even if you wanted to. We came home, cold turkey, had no one. It was just us as parents and our baby. Man, you're a zombie for the most part," she says. Still, despite some of the chaos that came with new parenthood, there were so many sweet moments too. "I remember in the beginning I used to roll his bassinet into the bathroom and be showering and like wiping the fog off [the glass] just to peep at him," she says. Especially in the mornings. "Those were always my favorite, his little wake-up face, seeing his face change, seeing his color come in, just all of these changes." Now, with another baby on the way, there are plenty more of these memories to be made. And who knows if she'll stop after two? "Listen, I'm down for whatever," Rihanna says. "My wish would be I would like to have more kids but whatever God wants for me, I'm here." See the full feature in the March issue of British Vogue available via digital download and on newsstands from Tuesday Feb. 21. Related: Rihanna Revealed Her Pregnancy During the Super Bowl, but She Actually Teased the News Earlier https://www.popsugar.com/family/rihanna-motherhood-british-vogue-quotes-49090070?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[latetaektalk]

after i left you | jjk

“when you decided to meet up with taehyung for dinner to reconnect, you didn’t expect to see jungkook, your ex, on a date with his current girlfriend and not to mention, end up fake dating taehyung.”

genre: exes! AU, fake dating! AU, enemies to lovers-ish! AU, unrequited feelings-ish! AU, angst, fluff

pairing: jungkook x female reader 

word count: 38.985 

warnings: cursing, reader feels very guilty in this one, alcohol consumption (nothing major/bad though)

playlist: happier - ed sheeran, just asking - aquilo, my tears ricochet - taylor swift, one last time please - dodie

a/n: uh, super nervous to post this because ive never written so much before, but i had a ton of fun and i hope you guys enjoy it! if you guys have any problems reading, liking or reblogging it, please let me know! im not sure if tumblr can handle such a word count, so id appreciate it if you guys would tell me if something doesnt work and ill figure it out! anyway, hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this!

The restaurant Taehyung picked was big but cozy. It was one huge room that stretched out further than your eyes could see. It was soaked in golden light, soaked in warmth and comfort. Everything was made out of wood, dark rich wood, and it smelled like home-cooked food. The smell wafted through the entire place. 

“‘Let’s all have dinner,’ they said, huh?” Taehyung said and looked around, no Yerim or Yoongi in sight. You laughed and shrugged.

“Yeah, sucks that they had to cancel last minute, but next time, we’ll be all together,” you said and skimmed the hard edges of the menu in your hands.

“Yeah, I know, but I thought we’d find the time once you returned,” Taehyung sighed and put down his menu with a frown.

“Definitely sucks,” you agreed and put down your menu as well. “But I’m happy that at least you and I could find the time.”

Taehyung and you smiled at each other and you could still barely believe it, could still barely believe that you were not only back in your hometown, but sitting in front of Taehyung and having dinner with him. It was all very surreal to you, and even though barely half an hour had passed since you had first seen Taehyung again in four years, things felt like they had never changed. There was no awkwardness, no long silences or weird tension between you. Both of you had simply picked up from where you left off. 

“Tell me, Y/N, how was America?” Taehyung asked and plopped his elbow onto the table before letting his chin fall into his open palm and tilting his head to the side. You mirrored him and let out a hum, the golden light pouring down both of your faces and bringing out the corners of your features.

Taehyung’s hair had grown out a lot since you had last seen him. In fact, it was permed now. And even though both of you had finished puberty by the time you had left, he seemed to have gotten a little taller. He had somehow grown into his face and turned into one gorgeous man with fluffy and luscious locks.

“Well, exhausting. I was always studying and pulling all-nighters, and it was so hard at times. The homesickness certainly didn’t make it any easier,” Taehyung smiled, “but it was- it was so worth it.”

“That’s great,” he said and you knew he meant it, knew he was genuinely happy for you. You beamed at him. “You really enjoyed it, didn’t you? America, I mean.”

“Yeah, it was- it was great, truly,” you said with a nod and remembered all of the memories you had made over the past four years. “It was really what I needed. Really the time of my life.”

Taehyung’s smile widened into a grin and you let your words sink in, sink in for him and for you as well. It was in the silence that you felt the guilt come back, hit you square in the face and leave you breathless.

You leaned back and grabbed the edge of the table. You lowered your head and Taehyung perked up, feeling the shift the moment it had happened.

“I’m sorry.”

Taehyung raised his brows at you and let his hand fall onto the table as he leaned forward, trying to see what you were apologising for.

“I- I feel bad,” you started up again and tucked a strand behind your ear. “It sounds like I didn’t enjoy being here and-”

“No, Y/N, don’t,” Taehyung reached over the table and grabbed your hand, taking it into his, “There’s no need to apologise. You worked your butt off to win that scholarship and fulfilled your dream. That’s great.”

“Yeah, but I abandoned you guys,” you mumbled and shrugged. You pulled away your hand, but Taehyung was quick to tighten his grasp, quick to put his other hand over yours and squeeze your hand. 

“Stop saying that, Y/N,” Taehyung shook his head at you, eyes drilling holes into your head as you continued to stare down at your lap, “You didn’t ‘abandon’ us. That’s bullshit and you know it.”

Taehyung pulled on your hand and waited for you to raise your head, and when you did and met his gaze, he offered you an even bigger grin than before.

“You don’t have to feel bad for going to America to go study,” he said and tilted his head to the side, bangs tickling his eyes. “We were and still are genuinely happy for you.”

“He wasn't.”

Taehyung’s hands tightened around yours at your words, and he pressed his lips into a thin line, giving you a look that had you shifting in your seat and shrugging in defense.

He hadn’t been happy for you at all when you had told him you had won a scholarship to go study in America. You had expected hugs and cheers, but received cold stares and bitter words instead. When the summer had neared its end and you had to leave, he hadn’t been there. Taehyung, Yerim and Yoongi had all hugged and kissed you goodbye, had wished you the best, but he, the person you had wanted to be with you right now the most, had been by your side.

You were eighteen, barely an adult, when you had boarded the plane to America without him kissing your forehead and wishing you the best, and you never forgot that, forgot just how unhappy and miserable you had made him.

“He wasn’t,” you repeated like it excused your words in any way. Taehyung opened his mouth to launch into a speech, a speech you already knew by heart without having heard it a single time. 

“Y/N-”

“This place,” you started and pulled your hand away, gesturing around you. “It’s nice.”

Taehyung blinked at you, obviously contemplating whether or not to allow you to change the subject like that, and you were more than glad when he leaned back into his chair and nodded.

“Yeah, it opened recently,” he said with a smile and you smiled right back at him. Both of you shared a look for a moment and after many years of friendship, there was no need for words, no need for you to thank him for letting you off the hook like that.

“It’s so nice,” you repeated and you barely heard Taehyung’s laugh as you let your gaze wander, taking it all in.

Seemingly every table was filled, and everybody was in their own world. You could hear laughter and shrieks in between the conversations, and a smile stretched across your face. Your eyes softened at the sight of loving couples and you ignored the pulling in your chest, ignored the yearning for what they had sitting deep within you.

“I really like it here,” you said and Taehyung stuck out his chest a little. A smirk was painted on his lips and pride was glimmering in his eyes. You chuckled a little and let yourself sink into the chair before your gaze travelled through the room once more.

The restaurant seemed to be frequented by a lot of couples, and you understood why. This place reminded you of the restaurants Jungkook would take you to from time and time again to show you how much he appreciated you, one of those restaurants he had taken you to when he had confessed to you and told you he loved you for the first time.

“This is totally a place for him.”

You said it without meaning to, said it without thinking, and when your eyes locked with Taehyung’s, you both shared a knowing gaze. Panic wanted to flush through your chest—because was Taehyung going to circle back to your previous words?—but then, he smiled at you and nodded.

“Yeah, totally is. It’s his favourite restaurant actually,” Taehyung said and you weren’t surprised. “He dragged all of us out here on opening day.”

“Opening day?”

“Yeah, can you imagine this place on opening day? This place had been hyped up months before its opening. So, it was fucking insane when we got here. He almost got into two fistfights that day,” Taehyung laughed and sighed at the memory.

“The hostess couldn't find his reservation and he insisted that he had made one like months ago. Yeri literally had to talk him down. And when we finally got to our table, he almost fought Yoongs because he said he didn’t like it here,” Taehyung told you and shook his head with a grin plastered on his lips. “Can you believe?”

“Honestly?” You raised your brows and you didn’t answer your question because Taehyung and you exploded into more laughter. “Shit, he hasn’t changed at all, has he?” 

“He is dumber now,” Taehyung smiled and scrunched up his nose. “Definitely still an idiot.”

You nodded and this time when you both fell silent, there was no guilt building up inside of you, no coming back to the surface. 

“How is he?” you asked and Taehyung puckered his forehead. He tapped the table with his one hand while he ran his other one through his fluffy locks.

“He’s,” Taehyung hesitated and your heart stopped in your chest, but then you saw the smile pulling on the corners of his lips, “good.” Taehyung paused a moment before nodding. “He’s good. Recently finished up his studies and started his first job. He’s enjoying it.”

You smiled.

“That’s great. I’m happy for him.”

You meant it, meant it because he had deserved so much more, deserved better. When you had last seen him, he and you had been wrecks, crying and sobbing and angry messes, and it was great to hear that he wasn’t anymore, great to hear that he was doing better now. 

“Is he, you know, uh seeing-” you trailed off as the rest of the question got stuck between your teeth like chewing gum, but Taehyung knew what you wanted to ask. He gave you a look, a look you weren’t sure how to interpret. There seemed to be pity and almost sorry in his eyes.

“Yeah, he is.”

You expected that answer, expected it because someone as amazing and great and funny as he was more than desirable but it still hurt to hear. You couldn’t stop your chest from tightening and your heart from sinking a little deeper inside you, shrinking in itself. You wanted to tell yourself to stop, wanted to tell your heart to not be like that because you had no right to feel like that, had no right when you had been the one leaving him. 

He had every right to move on, had every right to forget about you and be happy with someone else. But your heart simply couldn’t help itself from clenching in your chest like you were the one that had been left behind and not him.

“Wait, where are you?”

Taehyung and you snapped your head around when the girl next to you suddenly spoke up, thinking both that she was talking to you. Neither of you had taken notice of her before or looked at her when the hostess had led you two to your table. Until now, she had been typing away on her phone, waiting in silence, but right now, she had her phone pressed against her ear, definitely talking a little too loudly.

“What do you mean you can’t find parking? There’s a huge parking lot right next to the restaurant.”

Taehyung and you locked eyes when it clicked with both of you that she was not talking to you two. You shared knowing looks, remembering the same thing.

“He never found parking either,” Taehyung mumbled and both of you leaned closer to one another, not wanting for the girl to hear that you had eavesdropped on her conversation. Smiles played on your lips and you snickered. 

You recalled the many times you had sat in his car and cursed at him for running another red light because you were late, again, because of him, recalled the many times you would sit in a restaurant on your own or in the mall, waiting for him with your phone pressed to your ear as he assured you over and over again that he had planned in time for traffic, but that it was just worse than ever before.

“And he always had his excuses,” you snorted and shook your head. “‘There was a fire, so I had to turn around and take this huge detour.’ I think there was a fire somewhere every other week.”

Taehyung laughed and grinned at you. “Oh, but I think ‘Someone dropped a bunch of mirrors on the road and when I tried to turn around, I couldn’t because there were a bunch of cars, so I had to wait until they cleaned up the road.’ is still my favourite.”

“Ugh, he’s such a drama queen, I swear,” you groaned and leaned back into your chair. 

“I have no idea how you dated him for most of high school. Like he’s so exhausting sometimes,” Taehyung mumbled and shook his head.

“Oh, you spent just as much time as I did with him,” you said with a roll of your eyes and Taehyung wiggled his finger at you.

“I didn’t date him though. There’s a difference,” he argued and you dismissed his words with a quick shake of your head before crossing your arms in front of your chest at a certain memory.

“Does he still insist on having his cucumbers diced and not sliced because sliced cucumbers don’t taste as good?” 

“Please, don’t remind me. Every time I think about that I want to stop being friends-”

“Wait, where are- oh, I can see you already,” the girl next to you said into her phone and Taehyung and you froze at her interruption. Both of you looked at each other and before either of you could get back to your conversation, you were interrupted once more.

“I’m so sorry, but I swear the traffic was just out of this world today.”

Your eyes grew wide at his voice and your heart plummeted into your stomach when you heard his voice. You recognised it immediately, would have recognised it even if you had been deaf. You could never not recognise it, could never forget his voice. Your heart thumped in your chest, thumped painfully, as you turned your head and your eyes landed on him and his eyes landed on you.

His lips parted the slightest bit as he looked at you, frozen, and he gripped the back of the chair as his brows furrowed together at your sight.

“Y/N?”

Your name slipped off his tongue and confusion etched onto his face. Hearing him say your name sent your heart into a frenzy, had the panic bulldoze you away and your brain short circuit. The world went silent, the conversations all around you faded away and left you in silence with him. Time seemed to stand still as he and you looked at each other, desperately trying to process what was happening right now.

“Jungkook.”

His name felt dry and heavy on your tongue, felt like cement, felt like something you had been wanting to say forever now, but had avoided saying because you knew you had lost the right to say it and therefore had never said it again, until now. Until now when he was standing wide-eyed in front of you.

“Wait, what’s happening right now?” 

The question barely registered with you as you continued to stare at Jungkook, continued to stare at the boy that had once meant the world to you, continued to stare at the boy that you once had the right to calling him your boyfriend, continued to stare at the boy that still had your heart in such a tight grip that he managed to send it into a frenzy and have panic pumping through your veins merely with his sight.

Jungkook had changed. Now, he was taller and stood out in this crowded restaurant, towered over every other guest. Jungkook demanded attention from everyone, from you, and you were willing to give it to him because how could you not?

His hair had grown out, was longer now than you had ever seen it before and you wanted to comment on his tattoos when you saw them, juxtaposing his golden and warm skin. From the day you had met Jungkook, he had been talking about all of the tattoos he had wanted to get once he was old enough, and you almost couldn’t believe that he had actually finally gotten some. You wondered if he had to go behind the back of his parents or if they gave him their approval since he was an adult now.

“Uhm, babe?”

It was the word ‘babe’ that had you snapping out of it, that had the world start turning again and the time unfreezing, conversations returning to their original volume. It was the word ‘babe’ that had your eyes tearing away from Jungkook and to the girl sitting next to you instead. Her brows were raised and her gaze was drilling into Jungkook’s as he slowly pulled himself together too.

For the first time, you actually looked at the girl, actually gave her some of your attention. Until now, she had just been the girl sitting at the table next to you, been the girl typing away on her phone, been the girl having a conversation a little too loudly, but now, she was the girl who had waited for Jungkook, was the girl who had called Jungkook ‘babe’.

Now, she was the girl who was seemingly Jungkook’s girlfriend.

Jungkook sank down in his chair, but the confusion never left his face. His eyes stayed on you before his gaze wandered to his left, meeting Taehyung’s. When he locked eyes with him, Jungkook’s whole face dropped once more, eyes growing bigger and wider than they were before.

“Taehyung?” Jungkook almost yelled and drew the attention of some people around you, but none of you could muster up the energy to give them an apologetic smile. 

“Hi, Kook,” Taehyung managed to cough out and filled the awkwardness and silence with it. Jungkook crashed against the back of his chair with a thud as he gazed into nothing, brain desperately trying to process this.

Taehyung and you exchanged glances, both of you not knowing what to do or to say. This wasn’t what either of you had prepared for. Both of you had only signed up to have a nice dinner and catch up while tiptoeing around the topic of Jungkook and you. You knew you were going to see him again because he was still friends with Taehyung, Yerim and Yoongi and so were you, but you just hadn’t thought that you were going to see him today.

“Okay, uhm, babe, could you please explain to me what’s going on right now?” 

For the first time since he had arrived, Jungkook looked at the girl who was most definitely his girlfriend. His eyes were still wide when they met hers and there was a strained smile on her lips as she drilled her gaze into him, demanding some sort of answer from him, but he couldn’t deliver. He opened his mouth, but his throat felt scratchy and dry and so, he could only stare into nothing again.

“I- I need some water,” Jungkook managed to blurt out, reaching across the table to grab her glass of water and gulping it down like he hadn’t drunk something in years. He devoured it in seconds and stared at it with big eyes, mentally cursing at it for not holding more water for him to gulp down. 

Jungkook put down the glass, but he didn’t let go of it and instead held it, tightening his grip around it until his knuckles turned white.

“Okay, uh,” Jungkook started and massaged his temple as he screwed his eyes shut, fighting off the headache that made him think his skull was going to split open. 

“Uh, so,” Jungkook sighed and puckered his forehead before peeling his eyes open and gesturing towards Taehyung. “This is, uh, Taehyung. I- I’ve told you about him, babe, right?”

“Yeah, oh,” the girl next to you perked up and turned her gaze to Taehyung, offering him a genuine albeit tense smile. You couldn’t blame her, this was still very awkward.

“Yes, Taehyung. Hi! I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve been dying to meet you.” Taehyung forced a smile on his lips and it looked genuine, but having known him for so long, you could spot the difference right away. 

“I’m Heejin.”

Heejin.

A pretty name for an even prettier girl. It suited her, suited her to have such a beautiful sounding name. Of course, she did and you almost scoffed, scoffed because your name paled in comparison to hers. Hers had a pleasant ring to it, but yours just sounded off and wrong now. 

“Heejin, yeah, I’ve heard of you too.” Taehyung nodded and extended his hand. She took it and they both shook hands for a moment before she turned to you, her smile still tense, but the genuineness shimmered through.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I know-” Heejin trailed off and looked over to Jungkook for help, but he had his eyes locked with yours. And with that simple look, you knew.

He hadn’t told Heejin about you.

And judging from the way he was slightly shaking his head, he wasn’t planning on doing so just now. Taehyung and you understood immediately, but it had another dose of panic rushing through both of you.

“I’m Y/N,” you offered and extended your hand to Heejin like Taehyung had because this was the polite thing to do, the right thing to do, and for once in your life, you had to do the right thing regarding Jungkook.

“Hi, Y/N. Heejin,” she smiled, taking your hand into her perfectly soft one, and you made sure to smile at her too as you shook her hand. You smiled at her as much as one could smile at your ex’s current girlfriend. “It’s nice to meet you.”

No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t nice to meet Heejin, wasn’t nice at all. You wanted to shout it into her face, tell her you already hated her for simply existing and taking your place in Jungkook’s life and heart, but you swallowed all of the bitter and petty words, swallowed your anger aimed at her that was truly only anger at yourself, and nodded.

“Yeah, really nice to meet you, Heejin,” you said and let go of her hand, eyes turning to Taehyung instinctively. He offered you a smile, a smile that had your heart calming down a little, but then your eyes wandered to Jungkook and it sped up again. He sat up straighter and cleared his throat.

“Heejin, here- she’s, uh-” Jungkook stammered and the rest of his sentence refused to come out, leaving him with his mouth open and staring back at you.

“I’m his girlfriend,” Heejin finished with a smile and Jungkook and you locked eyes. It almost looked like he wanted to correct her with the way he sat up, with the way his back straightened out, but he didn’t. He didn’t correct Heejin because there was nothing to correct. And you knew that.

“Yeah, exactly, right,” Jungkook confirmed with a quiet voice and a nod. You tore your gaze away and looked around, looked around the room and stared at anything as long as it meant that you didn’t have to look at him, see him sitting across the girl who was his girlfriend.

You couldn’t bear the sight, couldn’t bear it to see Jungkook here with his girlfriend. You weren’t prepared for this, but you didn’t think that anything could have prepared you for this, for this bitter reality anyway.

“And, so, how do you all-” Heejin didn’t finish her sentence and gestured between all three of you instead. You shared a glance with Taehyung, asking him to say something because you couldn’t right now, couldn’t bring yourself to explain how you all knew each other.

“Uh, well, we all went to high school together. We were all friends back then,” Taehyung said and shifted in his chair to cover up the pitchiness of his voice. Heejin nodded at his words and looked between you all three once more before gesturing at all three of you again.

“Oh, okay, but why was Kook so shocked-”

“Well, it’s been a while since Kook and Y/N have seen each other, right?” Taehyung smiled and you could see the trembling corners of his lips. You nodded in confirmation because Jungkook was still somewhat stuck processing all of this.

“How come?”

“Well, I, uh,” you rubbed the back of your neck, “I moved away for college.”

You did. It wasn’t a lie, but it was also not the whole truth either because you moved to America and not to some neighbouring city that was half an hour away. Jungkook raised his brows at you and pursed his lips together, but you refused to look back at him, focusing instead on keeping the smile on your face for Heejin.

“Yeah, it was surprising for Kook to see Y/N, huh?” Taehyung asked and put his hand on his shoulder, and Jungkook looked at him before humming in confirmation and forcing a smile onto his lips.

“Surprising, for sure. Shocking, too.”

You folded your arms in front of your stomach and bit on your lip, trying to ignore the thudding of your heart ringing in your ears.

“Oh, so, this is like you guys reconnecting again?” Heejin asked and you begged her to stop asking any more questions, to stop trying to understand this because, fuck, this was only going to end badly. The truth was ugly and terrible and you didn’t want to face it, didn’t want to look it into the eye, couldn’t face it and look at it, at least not yet.

As much as you wanted to open your mouth and swiftly change the topic, the words were stuck to your tongue like gum stuck to the sole of a shoe. It was helpless.

“Wait, but why wasn’t Kook invited-”

“Well, actually, this isn’t us reconnecting again,” Taehyung interrupted and you turned your head to him. He placed his hand on the table and beckoned for yours, and too confused to use your own brain, you just put your hands into Taehyung’s. Bad decision as it turns out.

“This is actually a date.”

You almost pulled away your hand, but Taehyung was quick to hold onto it and tighten his grasp. Your heart was now beating out of your chest and you were sure everybody could hear it, were sure it was louder than the whole room.

“Y/N and I are dating.”

This time, you didn’t try to pull away your hand. This time, you actually did the opposite and tightened it. In fact, you tightened it so much that your knuckles turned white and Taehyung had to hold his breath to stop the groan from slipping.

“Right, yeah, boy and girlfriend. Super duper in love,” you croaked out with a tight smile before lowering your gaze. What else could you say? 

Jungkook drilled his eyes into your face. You could feel the holes he was staring into you right now, but you refused to look at him, refused to spare him a glance and possibly see his reaction to the revelation that Taehyung and you were supposedly dating. 

Even if it was a lie, an obvious lie, a lie that only needed to be told because Jungkook hadn’t told Heejin about you yet, it still knocked the breath out of Jungkook and had him bending over, still had his face etching into something else, into something unreadable.

“Wait, oh my God,” Heejin squeaked and her hand found her mouth as it split apart into a grin, covering it as her eyes flickered between Taehyung and you. “This is a date? Then-” 

Heejin turned to Jungkook with the most excited smile on her lips before whipping her head back to Taehyung and you.

“This is totally a double date then!”

The shock didn’t wear off for another five seconds, but when it did, you offered Heejin the most convincing smile you could muster up. Taehyung put his hand on yours when you tightened it around his other one a little too much, but you didn’t let go.

There was no way out, no revealing this was all a lie anymore and he was to blame. He was the one that had started it and dragged you along.

“I guess,” you said through a tight smile.

The scruffing and scraping of Jungkook’s chair against the hardwood floor when he got up rang loud, painfully loud in your ears and you cringed. He held up the glass of water and only looked at Heejin, but somehow you knew his words were meant to shoot through your heart.

“I’m gonna get you some water, babe.”

There was just something about the summer evening air that always managed to relax you, managed to calm you down and ground you again. 

The warm breeze blew through your hair and filled your lungs with much-needed oxygen, oxygen you had been craving for since you had first seen Jungkook again. He had taken your breath away, stolen it and left you dealing with the agony and pain with finding it again as you desperately tried not to suffocate.

The last hour had flown by you, had passed you in a blur. As much as you tried to, you couldn’t recall what you had talked about, couldn’t even recall what you had ordered and what your dish had tasted like. Everything was so hazy. The only thing you knew for sure was that it had taken Jungkook far too long to fill up a glass of water and that when he had finally returned, there was a glass of water in his one hand and a glass of whiskey in his other one.

At one point, you had gotten up with an excuse of needing to make a call and before anyone could protest, you had fled out of the restaurant. You did contemplate taking a cab and going home, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to unlock your phone—not to mention, leave without a word.

Going inside was just as difficult though, so you stayed outside, and simply let the view dawn on you. Because a restaurant like this, of course, had to be located on a small hill that overlooked the city, had to have the most gorgeous view.

Your hometown wasn’t magical, wasn’t pretty at all, but with the sun slowly dipping below the horizon, the warm sunshine turned the cracked streets into golden rivers and the lines and lines of cars waiting at the red lights into boats. The street lamps decorating the cracked streets resembled fireflies, buzzing and bright.

For a moment, you forgot, forgot about the world around you, forgot about the tension poisoning the air inside the restaurant and making every breath more and more unbearable and deadly, forgot about the web of lies you were slowly sinking into, forgot about the aching of your heart every time you looked at Jungkook.

For a moment, you forgot that Jungkook and you weren’t dating anymore.

“You’re dating Tae now?”

You jerked around at the question, eyes finding him instinctively. Your breath hitched in your throat and you opened your mouth to answer, but no sound would escape you.

Jungkook stood there, a few metres away from you, with his hands in his pockets and his head tilted to the side, and, God, was he just gorgeous, so breathtakingly gorgeous, beautiful, pretty.

Even though his tone was light and almost playful, his face was hard. Jungkook looked at you for another moment before his gaze wandered to the view in front of him. His eyes were cold, cold enough to turn the golden rivers into ice, cold enough to freeze the boats, cold enough to kill the fireflies.

“You know I’m not. He just panicked. Tae’s always been a shit liar,” you chuckled, trying to lighten the situation and cut down on some of the tension, unfreeze the world, but you fell short and failed miserably. Jungkook let a smile pull on the corners of his lips, but it was gone within a second.

You were frozen when he started closing the distance between you two. When he finally stopped next to you, there was a noticeable gap between you, a gap big enough to have your heart wrenching and twisting in your chest. 

Fuck, this was what Jungkook and you had become, huh? Two people that couldn’t even stand close enough to each other without that awkward and horrible gap between you.

There used to be a time when there was no gap, no space, used to be a time when you were always in each other’s arms, used to be a time when the air wasn’t cold and the world frozen. But there also used to be a time where you two could only smile and grin at the other, used to be a time where there were no hardened faces and cold gazes.

There used to be a time that was just Jungkook and you together.

“Yeah, that’s a fucking mess,” Jungkook laughed humorlessly and you didn’t join him, didn’t try to. “How are we gonna fix that?”

“I don’t think we need to,” you said with a frown and turned to him for a moment, but he didn’t reciprocate your gaze. You got the message and turned to face the city again, looking out like you hadn’t been doing that for the past minutes.

“I doubt we’re gonna see each other again, right? I mean-” you trailed off and shrugged, rocking on the balls of your feet as you struggled to finish your sentence.

“I mean, I would like to if that was okay and fine with you, if you’re ready for that, but I understand if you’re not.”

Jungkook turned to you, blinking at you for a second before ultimately turning away and looking out again.

“Yeah, no, you’re right,” he chuckled dryly and you thought you could even hear a scoff. “Are you going back? Leaving to continue your adventure? Is this just a pit stop before you’re off to continue your adventure?”

The words stung, cut into you and your heart clenched at them. A cold breeze blew through you, gutted you, and you were left shivering and with goosebumps covering your entire body. Your throat knotted into a mess, and you wanted to look at Jungkook, see his expression, but you trained your gaze on your frozen hometown, trained your gaze on it like it didn’t shatter your heart to see it like that.

Jungkook had every right, every right to be bitter and cold, but it didn’t mean it hurt you any less for him to treat you like that, treat you like you hadn’t been each other’s worlds at one point of your life.

“No.” You shook your head, desperately trying to rid your voice of its trembling. “I- I’m staying.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything, didn’t respond, didn’t even react in the slightest way. You thought maybe he hadn’t heard you, but when you dared to peek at him, you saw the way the lines of his face had deepened. He had heard you, loud and clear.

You both drowned in the silence, sank into it, deeper and deeper with each second, and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, tightening with each passing moment.

“Did you stay in touch with the others? Yoongs? Yeri?” 

You shifted on your feet and tucked a strand behind your ear. “No- I mean, we tried, but after like a year or two, we slowly lost contact with each other. We did check on each other every couple months and texted every now and then, but we- we did definitely drift apart.”

“I guess then they were meant to come too, right? Tonight?” 

“Yeah, they were, but they had to drop out last minute. We, uh, always said we were gonna have dinner once I returned,” you mumbled and Jungkook hummed at that, nodding a little. Both of you stayed silent for a while, and even though you wanted to say something, cut into the silence because it allowed you to think and right now, you didn’t want to think, you couldn’t come up with anything to say.

“How long have you been back?”

Your gaze wandered to your feet and you kicked the dirt a little, digging into it with the tip of your shoe.

“Uh, I got back a little over a week ago,” you whispered into the air and tightened your arms around your chest. Jungkook nodded, but he didn’t look at you.

“Why are you back?” Jungkook asked and when you struggled to answer his question, he scoffed. Your silence was telling, said more than you ever could. 

“You came back for a job, didn’t you?”

You didn’t reply, didn’t tell him you hadn’t come back just for a job, but because you had missed home, had missed your family, had missed Taehyung, Yerim, Yoongi and more importantly, had terribly missed him. You had missed everything and everyone here so much you couldn’t even put it into words, but you said none of that, didn’t correct Jungkook.

The wind blew through your hair and the once warm breeze that had filled your lungs with the oxygen you so desperately needed filled your lungs now with sharp and piercing icicles this time. You hugged yourself more, tighter. You tried to warm yourself up, but no amount of hugging yourself was enough to melt the ice in your lungs.

“What are you, uh, doing out here?” you asked and turned a little to Jungkook, eyeing him with a raised brow, but he didn’t reciprocate your gaze this time either.

“Heejin’s cold,” Jungkook answered after a beat of silence, brows knitting together as he kept his focus in front of him. “I’ve got a jacket in my car.”

You hummed and a small smile made its way onto your lips. You totally got it. You were cold too, freezing, in fact, but there was no jacket for you, no Jungkook running out for you to get it and warm you up.

“You still got a whole closet in the back of your car, don’t you?” you asked with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood, but when you turned to Jungkook, your smile fell off.

Instead of flushing red in embarrassment or laughing because of how well you still knew him after all these years, Jungkook stared into your eyes, harsh lines etched onto his face. It wasn’t the kind of stare that had your heart thumping and your throat constricting and kaleidoscopes of butterflies in your stomach flying. No, it was a piercing kind of stare, the kind that had your breath hitching in your throat in the worst way possible and your heart sinking into your stomach.

“Don’t.”

The message was loud and clear, delivered with one simple word, but it was enough, enough for it to click in your mind. You didn’t try to catch your heart as it sank deeper and deeper inside you, as it sank down to the ground and came closer and closer to shattering into tiny little pieces that would take you ages to glue together again.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your tongue was a mess in it and the words sat deep in your stomach. It took you two more tries, two more times of you opening and closing your mouth for you to finally unknot your tongue and drag the words to the surface.

“You haven’t forgiven me, have you?”

You worded it like a question, but you knew the answer. It was written all across Jungkook’s face, surrounding him the moment you and he had locked eyes, spilling from his mouth every time he opened it.

Jungkook’s lips tightened into a hard line and his jaw locked up as he eyed you before ripping his gaze away to stare off into the sky and scoff quietly into the air. His hands balled up into fists at his side and his Adam’s apple bopped up and down as he desperately tried to keep his composure. 

You had seen all of this before, had watched him try and fail not to punch the air and let his anger out. Jungkook had done the exact same thing, had made the same face after you had told him you were going to America.

You expected him to blow up in your face, to explode, to burst at all of his seams and rip apart and scream, yell, curse at you because that was what he had done, what he had done the last time, but to your surprise, Jungkook didn’t, didn’t do any of the things you had expected him to.

“Fours years,” Jungkook scoffed, holding up four fingers like you didn’t know just how much four was. “We dated for almost four fucking years.”

You bit on your tongue, heart tumbling and rumbling in your chest like it was about to burst out and fall to her knees and beg for Jungkook’s forgiveness.

“And you left,” Jungkook continued, anger dripping from his words, but his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. “Just like that.” 

He snapped his finger and you cringed at the sound. It rang in your ears, pierced through your eardrums.

“Remember our promise?” Jungkook asked you and you could hear his voice wavering and shaking. “Remember our promise of forever?”

You wanted to tell him that you did, that, of course, you fucking remembered your promise of forever. It had haunted you, kept you awake every night, eaten you up and chewed you out every morning and kicked you to the floor every time it slipped your mind the tiniest bit.

“You know how people say that you always learn something from a relationship?” Jungkook asked you and you wanted to beg him not to, not to continue. You couldn’t handle this, couldn’t handle this much longer and you weren’t sure just how long you could keep it together.

“The only thing you taught me was that people are selfish.”

You were sure that you were drawing blood from your tongue now, were sure that your heart was on her knees now and begging, begging for Jungkook to just please forgive her. You thought that was it, thought he was going to scoff at you and walk away, but Jungkook wasn’t quite done.

“I really do hope that you’re right and we won’t see each other again after this.”

If you thought that Jungkook’s eyes were cold before, they were icy and freezing now. They were icy and freezing enough to bring in the new ice age, icy and freezing enough to stop time. Your lungs were shredded by the icicles, ripped apart by them like they were paper, and your heart shattered on the frozen ground, turning into dust before ultimately being dragged away by the wind and into Jungkook’s hands. And he crushed it, crushed the tiny pieces of your heart into powder.

There was no repairing anymore, no glueing the pieces together because there was nothing to repair or glue together or fix in any way or form.

Jungkook didn’t say another word, didn’t spare you a single glance when he turned on his heel and walked away, walked away with your pulverised heart on the ground and your world cold and frozen. The golden rivers didn’t burst through the ice, the boats didn’t unfreeze and start sailing again, the fireflies didn’t come back to life.

It stayed, lingered.

Your world took its time to come back, and you watched it, watched it slowly resemble what it once had been before Jungkook. When you looked at it, however, it wasn’t quite the same. The golden rivers weren’t rivers, but only weak streams, and the boats had shrunk into simple rafts. The fireflies were only humming now, barely illuminating their surroundings.

And this time, when you looked down, you didn’t forget, didn’t forget about the world around you, didn’t forget about the aching of your heart every time you looked at Jungkook.

This time, you didn’t forget that Jungkook and you weren’t dating anymore.

This time, you almost suffocated.

By the time you had reached your table, you slumped into your chair, falling into it with wobbly knees, defeated and panting. Taehyung and Heejin were too wrapped up in a conversation to really take notice and Jungkook, well, Jungkook did the thing he had grown to excel this evening, staring into nothing.

There was a jacket around Heejin’s shoulders, hugging her form and it took you one single glance to know. One glance was enough to prompt you to reach for your glass of wine and down it. The wine burned your tongue and your throat on its way down, and it was what you needed.

Because the jacket wasn’t just any jacket. It was the jacket you had bought for Jungkook with the money you had gotten for your 17th birthday, was the jacket he had called his favourite, was the jacket you had worn as much as he had, was the jacket both of you had used as a blanket when you had held a film marathon the day before school started again, was the jacket you had worn when you had told him you were going and he had demanded back from you.

And now, Heejin was wearing that jacket.

“You okay, sweetie?” 

You looked up and stared straight into Taehyung’s face. His brows were raised and you could feel Heejin’s eyes on you too. And you almost frowned at him and questioned the ‘sweetie’, but then it hit you again. You were dating Taehyung.

“Yeah, uh, I just had a shitty phone call,” you dismissed quickly with a wave of your hand, realising that you definitely shouldn’t have one-shotted your wine like that. “It’s fine. I’m just a little tired from talking.”

Heejin nodded at your words and seemed happy with the answer, but Taehyung’s eyes stayed on you for a few more seconds. He could read between the lines, could piece together what had happened outside.

“What were you talking about?” you asked, gaze finding Heejin because looking at her was easier than looking at Taehyung. 

“Oh,” Heejin placed her hands on your armrest and a frown settled on her face, “we were talking about films. Did you know that Taehyung has never watched ‘Titanic’ before?”

Your eyes wandered to Taehyung who had put on a smile and was shaking his head at Heejin’s words, but you could see that he wanted to question you, ask you what had happened outside.

“You haven’t?” you asked, trying to change the subject from you to him.

“The only film I haven’t watched yet.”

“Can you believe?” Heejin said it like it was a big deal and to her, it seemed to be. Her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes were blown out as she looked at you, obviously expecting for you to react the same way, thinking you were going to be as appalled as she was by the fact that Taehyung had yet to watch ‘Titanic’.

Maybe if you were in a better mood or maybe if Jungkook wasn’t sitting literally an arm’s reach from you or maybe if Heejin wasn’t his current girlfriend right now, you would play along, act appalled and criticise Taehyung for never having watched ‘Titanic’, call him a film illiterate even though you haven’t watched it yourself yet.

“I mean, I’ve also never-”

“Do not finish that sentence, Y/N,” Heejin cut in and while everything was in good fun, you couldn’t help but feel miffed and weirded out by her words. You two didn’t know each other and acting like you did was, well, weird to say the least.

But Heejin didn’t pick up on your tightening smile and slight raise of your brows, too busy acting appalled to notice any of that.

“Okay, that’s it. It’s decided.” Heejin clapped into her hands and looked at Jungkook to grab his attention. “I’m hosting a film night at my place next week. I can’t walk this Earth knowing that you two have never seen the masterpiece that is ‘Titanic’. It’s a must, a cult classic.”

Your eyes locked with Taehyung’s first and he had the same panicked look on his face before he turned to Jungkook, but you avoided his general direction, not wanting to look at him.

“Wait, no, babe, you can’t just host a film night,” Jungkook jumped to argue with Heejin and you swallowed.

“I really do hope you’re right and we won’t see each other again after this.”

“Why not?” Heejin asked with a tilt of her head and blinked at Jungkook as he stammered for a reason.

“Because- you just can’t. That’s not how this works.” A deep line formed between Jungkook’s brows and Heejin as she frowned at his unconvincing argument.

“What do you mean it’s not how this works? If you wanna host a film night, you ask people if they are down for it and host it. I just did that.”

Taehyung and you looked at each other, both deciding to stay silent. Not only was this the most that Jungkook had contributed to this ‘double date’ so far (without counting your conversation you had had with him outside, of course), but it didn’t seem like either of your places to chime in.

“No, babe, you announced you were going to have a film night and essentially demanded them to be there,” Jungkook said and Taehyung and you shared another glance. Heejin furrowed her brows and a pout formed on her lips. She wasn’t taking this nearly as serious as Jungkook was, but it seemed to dawn on her that he was.

“I don’t see where the problem is, babe. I thought you guys were all friends. Isn’t a film night a great way to reconnect then?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to argue against her, but he couldn’t come up with something to say. He wanted to tell Heejin that reconnecting with you was at the bottom of his list of things he wanted to do right now, wanted to tell her that you weren’t just an old friend of his, but his first love, the girl who had meant the world to him for years, the girl who had taken his heart and kept it before deciding it and he simply weren’t enough and shattering his heart, breaking it into dust and leaving him having to pick up the pieces again. 

You were the girl who had haunted him every hour of the day ever since you had left.

“Isn’t it great that we found a couple that’s cool and our age? We can do so much stuff together. Also, Taehyung did say you were all friends once, right? And Taehyung here is still your friend. I really don’t see the problem here. Am I missing something?”

And again, Jungkook was left processing Heejin’s words, prompting Taehyung to jump in.

“Yeah, no, we were friends and, yeah, Kook and I still are friends.” A nervous smile played on his lips as Taehyung shot you a glance, a glance you could barely meet. There was a moment where Heejin was just waiting for any of you to say something, a moment where neither Jungkook nor you met his gaze. It was at that moment that Taehyung made the decision.

“Next week you said?”

By the time you finally step out of the restaurant, the sun had made its way back home and fallen asleep, leaving the golden stream and rafts and fireflies to the moon. 

“Y/N!” You turned around at the call of your name and watched Heejin jogging towards you, hands reaching for your wrists. “Next week, right? Promise me. Next week.”

She smiled right into your face, smiled one of those genuine and big and beautiful smiles, one of those smiles that could charm anybody, and that included you.

“Yeah, next week,” you said and nodded. Heejin’s hands squeezed your wrists and her lips split apart into a grin. With a quick turn of her heel, she was facing Jungkook, who had come to a stop behind her with Taehyung to his left.

“Oh, it’s gonna be great,” she cheered and took hold of Jungkook’s hands now, squeezing as she jumped around him. The displeased look, which had etched onto his face when Heejin had declared this to be a double date and deepened when Taehyung agreed to the film night, slipped away. 

Jungkook couldn’t resist her, couldn’t resist Heejin and for the first time in four years, you saw a smile spread across his lips.

Fuck.

“This was great,” Taehyung cut in before Jungkook could lean in for a quick kiss because he always did, always leaned in for a quick kiss whenever his heart pounded a little too much in his chest, and it definitely did, definitely did pound a little too much just now.

Jungkook and Heejin looked at Taehyung and once again, you froze up when he took your hand into his. The fact that you two were dating slipped your mind again and again throughout the night.

“Yeah, definitely was,” Heejin agreed and interlaced her fingers with Jungkook’s, but unlike with Taehyung and you, it was normal for them to hold hands, second nature. “Right?”

She nudged Jungkook with her elbow and he looked at Heejin, looked at her like he wanted to disagree. Maybe it was because it was rude to disagree and say that one hated the night or maybe it was because Jungkook’s heart melted in his chest seeing Heejin looking at him like that, but a second smile found its way onto Jungkook’s lips.

“Sure was.”

Jungkook said it looking at Heejin, gazing into her sparkling eyes, and you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t, couldn’t because they were like a car accident, but the most beautiful and at the same time, ugliest and most painful car accident this world had ever seen. 

Heejin and Jungkook were in love, in love with each other.

“Right, definitely,” Taehyung cut in, breaking up Heejin and Jungkook as he drew everybody’s attention to him. You squeezed his hand a little tighter.

“We’ll text, yeah?” Taehyung continued and Heejin nodded at his words, beaming as she let go of Jungkook’s hand. You wanted to grab her by her shoulders and tell her not to, not to ever let Jungkook go, but then you realised that she wasn’t actually letting go of him, wasn’t letting go of him the way you had let go of him.

Heejin stretched out her arms and wrapped Taehyung into a hug, a hug he reciprocated without letting go of your hand, which led to you kind of hugging Heejin too. 

“Goodbye, Tae. It was so nice to have met you,” she said into his ear before turning to you and wrapping you into her arms. “So, so nice to have met you, too, Y/N.”

You also didn’t let go of Taehyung’s hand and neither did he when Jungkook leaned in for the hug. 

“Yeah, nice to have met you, too,” you breathed out, quiet, but it was enough for Heejin to pat you on your back and let go.

“We’ll text,” Heejin said as she stepped back to make space for Jungkook to hug you. He and you locked eyes, both knowing exactly what Heejin was expecting of you two. 

There was this terrible moment of hesitance, and you were ready to throw up a hand and give Jungkook a simple wave, but he leaned forward and stretched out one arm. You leaned forward too with your feet planted metres away from him, which led to a rather awkward half-hug thing, but it was definitely more than both of you could offer, more than anyone could really ask for.

Jungkook patted your back two times, and you frowned because who patted someone’s back twice and only twice? The ‘hug’ didn’t last longer than a second before both of you jumped away from each other.

“That was so awkward,” Heejin chortled and threw her head back, loud and beautiful laughter resounding in the air. Jungkook’s cheeks did what they should have done when you had commented on how he had a whole closet in the back of his car: flush.

“Whatever. We’re old friends, remember?” Jungkook argued and it was definitely the sight of Heejin laughing that had him do what he, again, should have done when you had commented on how he had a whole closet in the back of his car: laugh.

“Anyway, we’ll see each other,” Jungkook mumbled into your general direction before taking Heejin’s hand into his and leading her away from you two, throwing up his hand for a wave. Heejin beamed at Taehyung and you and you mustered up the best and most convincing smile for the last time this night.

“Bye. We’ll be in touch.”

“Bye.”

You didn’t say ‘bye’, too focused on the way Jungkook fixed the jacket that was slipping off Heejin’s shoulders, and when it almost landed in the dirt, your heart dropped. You wanted to catch it, take it and hold it close to your heart because that was your jacket. Jungkook caught it though just in time and you let out a breath.

“Really squeezing my hand here, huh?” Taehyung pressed through his smile and you looked down at your hands, realising only now that your knuckles had turned white. Immediately, you let go.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, face flushing hot. Taehyung simply dismissed it with a smile, but you could see him lightly knead his hand, stretching it to get the blood circulating again.

“It’s fine.” Taehyung tilted his head at you. “I guess you don’t have a car yet, right?” You were about to respond, but he didn’t give you enough time. “I can give you a ride.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” You nodded and Taehyung and you made your way to the parking lot. He held the car door open for you and when you were both strapped into your seats, you turned to him. “You didn’t have anything to drink, right?”

“Nope, been sipping on my water the whole night,” he chuckled as he put the keys into the ignition, slowly pulling out of the parking lot. You nodded and sank a little into the seat. The tension that had been sitting in your shoulders and in every single one of your joints slowly escaped you and you let out a sigh.

You typed your address into Taehyung’s phone, Google Maps doing the rest, and for a few minutes, both of you simply drove in silence, enjoyed it. The night had been hard on both of you, and you two were definitely ready to jump into your beds and go to sleep. The silence was exactly what you needed right now, at least you thought that was what you both needed.

“What happened outside?”

You should have expected him to ask because, of course, he would, but it still had you turning your head to him and eyes growing wide. Taehyung met your gaze and you put your hands together in your lap, thumbs rubbing against one another.

“Well,” your feet pressed into the ground, “he, uh, asked me if I was gonna stay here and if we all kept in touch. And,” your voice quivered only the tiniest bit, but Taehyung noticed, “how long I’ve been back and everything.”

You shrugged. “The basic things, you know. Nothing special.”

Taehyung hummed and his brows furrowed together with his lips pulled into a thin line. He was clearly not believing you completely, not buying what you were selling him. You pressed harder against the ground, begging for it to give in and let you sink into a hole.

“Anything else?”

Lying was stupid, lying to Taehyung was even stupider, but you seemed to like to be stupid today.

“Nope.” You said the last syllable with a pop and it had Taehyung’s frown deepening and his gaze digging into you when you two stopped at a red light. 

“Y/N.” A sigh followed and you lowered your gaze before shaking your head as your teeth sank into your tongue.

“Fine,” you breathed out and slammed back, head hitting your seat definitely too hard. “We- well, he-”

Taehyung turned to you, but you stared out the window, realising that you were almost at home now. His eyes dug into your face and you sighed, thinking of a way to word all of this.

“We- technically, we didn’t talk much at all. At least I didn’t,” you started again and took your time to get it all together. “But- he did say that he,” a heavy sigh slipped past your lips and you gnawed on your tongue before deciding to just say it, “learned from our relationship that people are selfish and that he hoped he would never have to see me again after this.”

Taehyung was stunned, stunned silent and you wished he would say something, react in some way. The tension came rising back, stretching every one of your joints to the point it hurt.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Taehyung muttered underneath his breath and when you turned to him, there was anger etched onto every line of his face. It was burning in his eyes and it had you quickly jump to Jungkook’s defense.

“No- it’s fine. I get-”

“No, Y/N, it’s not fucking fine,” Taehyung interrupted and to your dismay, you had reached your front door. He parked rather smoothly and when you came to a stop, Taehyung turned to you.

“Don’t say it’s fine because we both know it’s not,” Taehyung said and you didn’t meet his eyes. “It’s rude, unnecessarily rude. I get it. He’s pissed and you hurt him and whatever, but it’s been four fucking years. And he’s literally the one that broke up with you-”

“Well, I was leaving for America-”

“But you wanted to try, right? You didn’t want to break up, right?” Taehyung asked and you didn’t say anything. “See! You wanted to try, but he refused. Don’t even get me started on the fact that he didn’t say goodbye to you at all. You go to America and he doesn’t even bother to show up at the airport after dating you for almost four years, not to mention text you or call you on the day to wish you well? I haven’t forgotten that bullshit yet.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and lowered your gaze.

Taehyung sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I still love him. He’s my friend after all, and it’s not like I don’t get it why he’s mad. I do, in a way, and not because I ‘hate’,” Taehyung made air quotes around the word hate, “you for going or anything, but because it was surprising. But still saying shit like that is not okay.”

“It’s fine,” you tried again, but your words seem to have the fire in Taehyung growing because he shook his head vigorously.

“Stop saying that! It’s not.” Taehyung paused, taking a moment to breathe. “It’s definitely not. He’s so-” Taehyung threw up his hands and pressed his lips into a hard line, words failing him as his anger consumed him more and more. 

“We all thought he was over it.”

“He isn’t,” you mumbled and Taehyung ‘duh’s your answer, realising himself that Jungkook was far, very far from getting over you leaving, not to mention forgive you in any shape or form.

Both of you sat in silence for a while and your fingers itched for the door handle. You hated this, hated this because Taehyung didn’t get that you were fine, didn’t get that you were fine with the way Jungkook treated you because you had fucked up and now, these were the consequences.

“You don’t have to do this.”

You kept staring out of the window, kept staring like you couldn’t feel Taehyung’s eyes dig into your profile and demand for you to look at him, kept staring like you couldn’t hear him.

“There’s no one forcing you to go next week. You could just simply-”

“I know,” you said and sighed. You leaned forward and covered your eyes, pressing on them slightly as you thought of everything that had happened today, thought of every little interaction you had shared with Jungkook.

“I know,” you muttered before looking up and turning your gaze to Taehyung, cheek falling into your open palm. “I know.”

Taehyung and you looked at each other for a few seconds.

“You’re still gonna go, huh?”

You sat up straight and unbuckled your seatbelt, arms stretching out to pull Taehyung into a hug. He reciprocated it and you tightened your arms around him a little more than you usually would, chin resting on his shoulder.

“You’re still great, Tae.”

Taehyung chuckled and patted your back, sinking deeper into the hug. You were the one to pull away, but you rested your hands on his shoulder and looked him dead in the eye.

“No, really,” you smiled and squeezed his shoulders. “You’re really great, Taehyung.”

Slightly embarrassed by your words, Taehyung looked down at his hands.

“You’re stupid, Y/N.”

You laughed.

When you came out of the shower that night and checked your phone, a frown etched onto your face.

[You’ve been added to the “DD” group chat]

[Unknown Number - 11:24 PM] : hi! it’s heejin here and I just wanted to ask if next saturday works for everyone!!

[Unknown Number sent in location]

[Unknown Number - 11:24 PM] : my address!

[tae - 11:27 PM] : uh DD?

[Unknown Number - 11:27 PM] : double date. couldnt think of anything else realy

[tae - 11:27 PM] : okay lol but yeah should work

[Unknown Number - 11:32 PM] : yeah, think I can make it too

[Unknown Number - 11:32 PM] : okay, great! only gotta wait for y/n’s answer now

[tae - 11:32 PM] : wouldnt expect an answer any time soon lmao shes too stupid to text

[You - 11:48 PM] : you take a shower once and immediately people talk shit about you :)) 

[You - 11:48 PM] : but should work for me too

[tae - 11:48 PM] : love you too sweetie! and goodnight!!

[You - 11:48 PM] : :))))

When you went to save Heejin’s number, you got distracted by her profile picture. She was smiling right into the camera, smiling the same smile she had smiled at you. It was almost scary how genuine her smile looked even through a simple picture. No one smiled like Heejin. 

Her number was saved rather quickly, but when you went and clicked on Jungkook’s number, you were, once again, distracted by his profile picture. You should have expected it for Jungkook to have Heejin and him together as his profile picture, but it still shocked and surprised you, had your lips pressing into a hard line.

Jungkook had his arm around Heejin and she was looking at him, mid-laugh There was a proud smirk on his lips, that proud smirk he got whenever he managed to make someone laugh. Both looked at each other and the sun brought out both of their eyes, brought out the love in them. You could practically see it glimmering in their pupils.

Your heart tumbled in your chest, tumbled in the most painful way possible, but you ignored it, ignored it because what else were you going to do? Complain? You had no right to.

And as you let your phone slip into your pocket, a certain thought planted itself into your mind, robbing you of the peace and quiet you thought you would get once you were at home. The roots dug deeper and deeper into you until it was ingrained in you, swimming through your blood and consuming you whole, chewing you up over and over again simply to spit you out.

You would have been Heejin if you hadn’t left.

“What is she like?”

There was a beat of silence for a moment and you hugged your knees you had pulled close to your body self a little tighter at the question.

Your phone was laying on your desk, speakers on.

“Well,” Taehyung sighed, “she’s- she’s nice, I guess.”

Taehyung said it like a question, clearly choosing his words carefully as he tried not to offend you in any way, and you almost smiled at that. 

“Yeah, she’s nice,” you agreed.

“That’s great,” Yerim started, uncertainty swinging in her words. “Right? That’s great that she’s nice, right?”

No one answered and after a while, you pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded.

“Yeah, it’s great,” you said and you could hear Yerim exhale in relief. You chewed on your lip, and tried not to think about how it was not great and that you hated that Heejin was nice because it made hating her so much more difficult.

“I’m happy for him.”

This time when you said it, you weren’t sure if you really meant it, weren’t sure if you could say it from the bottom of your heart. Jungkook still, of course, deserved so much more, deserved better, but the thought that he was doing so much better with Heejin left a bad and bitter taste on your tongue. You didn’t want to think or feel like that, but your heart was selfish, just like he had said.

“That’s nice,” Yoongi mumbled and his voice was muffled, but the familiar snarky tone came through perfectly. “Nice of you to lie like that.”

You bit down on your lip and buried your face into your knees.

“Dude,” Taehyung said and used ‘dude’ like he always did whenever he was getting mad and refused to use one’s name. 

“What? We all know it’s a lie,” Yoongi said, matter of factly. “It’s not bad. It’s commendable that Y/N’s trying, but let’s not act dumb and oblivious to it.”

“Yoongi,” Yerim sighed from the other side of the line, groaning. “You can’t just say something like that.”

“We were all thinking it.”

You pressed your face further into your knees, squeezing your eyes shut as you hugged your legs closer to your chest.

“Dude,” Taehyung warned again, voice dropping significantly, and you could picture Yoongi rolling his eyes at him before sitting up to defend himself.

“All I’m trying to say is that it’s stupid to lie and pretend that it doesn’t suck that Kook is with Heejil or whatever her name-”

“Heejin,” Yerim threw in and there was a beat of silence before Yoongi continued again.

“Okay, fine, Heejin, but it doesn’t really matter,” Yoongi paused and the silence that settled was deafening and you begged him to continue. “What matters is the fact that Y/N shouldn’t need to pretend to be happy for him. They both hurt each other and acting like Y/N only hurt him is so fucking stupid. Kook’s really gotta learn how to be civil and not act like a complete ass-”

“Tae!” You cut in and looked at your phone like he could see you. “You told them? I thought we agreed on leaving that out.”

“Please, you seriously didn’t think I wouldn’t tell the others, did you?” Taehyung scoffed and you huffed, brows furrowing together as you fixed your phone with a glare like it was to blame for this.

“And I’m happy that he did tell us, Y/N,” Yoongi said and you groaned, burying your face once more into your knees now. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I get it that Kook’s mad because it was all very sudden and quick and you were his first love or whatever, but it’s not a reason to be an ass to you.”

You didn’t respond, and for a while, the silence lingered on. It was almost unbearable, but you couldn’t think of anything to say, knowing already you were going to be shut down anyway.

“You don’t have to do this,” Yoongi said and sounded exactly like Taehyung. You looked up and put your chin on top of your knee before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Yeri?”

There was a shuffle and a moment later it was followed by a sigh. “No, I do agree with the others. Kook can be mad and everything—we all get it in a way—but it’s not an excuse to be an ass to you and say hurtful shit like that. You’re not selfish for following your dreams. Also, didn’t he technically break up with you? So, actually, I don’t get why he’s still mad at you.”

You stayed silent.

“Again, you-”

“I know, Yoongs,” you groaned. “I know that I don’t have to do this,” a heavy sigh slipped past your lips, “but it’s just this one time anyway and unlike what you guys might think, I’m not hurt by what he said.”

Neither Taehyung nor Yerim nor Yoongi said something for a while and just as the silence was about to become too unbearable and just as you were about to tell them you had to do something and therefore, hang up, Taehyung spoke up.

“You’re stupid, Y/N.”

You peeled your eyes open and lowered your gaze, a tight smile splitting apart on your lips.

“I know.”

You couldn’t recall how this had happened, how a simple film night turned into a dinner party, but somehow you were all standing in the middle of Heejin’s kitchen, preparing dinner. Taehyung and Jungkook were manning the stove, cooking the meat and Heejin and you were cutting up vegetables for a salad.

“Careful!”

You froze at Heejin’s voice and looked up, eyes locking with hers. Jungkook and Taehyung stopped messing around and turned their focus to you two, brows raising at the sudden exclamation. When you looked back down where Heejin’s fingers had curled around your wrist, you realised that you were about to cut off your fingers. Immediately, you let go of the knife and forced a laugh to spill from your lips.

“Shit. Good catch.”

“You okay? Almost cut off your fingers there,” Heejin said with a small smile and you quickly nodded, ignoring the gazes that were digging into your back. 

“Yeah, uh, just spaced out a little,” you mumbled and Heejin laughed, returning to cutting up the rest of her carrots. 

You grabbed your glass of wine and when you took a sip from it, your eyes locked with Taehyung’s. There was a deep line etched between his brows and in an attempt to smooth it over, you smiled at him. It took him a second, but he smiled back at you and seeing his smile had your smile turn into a genuine one.

Your gaze wandered and locked with Jungkook’s. You looked at him without meaning to. Your gaze just automatically travelled to him. His face was stiff and hard. Harsh lines were carved into it and you thought he was going to say something, scoff at you, but then he turned around without a word.

Taehyung and you looked at each other once more and his jaw locked up, but you shook your head. When he sighed, you thanked him with a smile and turned away, putting your wine glass down to focus on your vegetables again.

“Oh.”

Heejin stopped and looked up, raising her brows at your sudden exclamation.

“What?” she asked with a tilt of her head and you pointed at the cucumber on her cutting board.

“I, uh, like them diced more,” you said and Heejin blinked at you, expecting you to be joking. “Yeah, I- I just think cucumbers taste better diced.”

You shrugged and Heejin’s light laugh filled the air before she nodded and started dicing the cucumber.

“Okay, sure thing. Diced cucumbers it is.”

You smiled at her. “Thanks.” 

Heejin waved it off. You stopped yourself from shaking your head at yourself because a week ago, Taehyung and you were rolling your eyes at Jungkook for preferring his cucumbers diced, but here you were, making sure his cucumbers were going to be cut the way he liked them.

“So, tell me,” Heejin started when you picked up the knife. She tucked her hair away and looked at you. “What was Kook like in high school?”

You stopped chopping your tomatoes and bit on your lip. You struggled to think of something to say and Heejin’s staring certainly didn’t make it any easier.

“He, uh, well, the same, I think,” you started and your words had Heejin chuckling. “I mean, I don’t think he really changed that much since.” You kept cutting up your tomatoes, eyes focused on the task in front of you. “At least, I doubt it. He didn’t change much during high school, so, I don’t think he did now.”

“Well, what was he like during high school?” Heejin asked again, not getting the answer she had been fishing for.

“Funny and kind,” you said without missing a beat and surprised yourself. You paused before shrugging and transferring your tomato wedges inside the big salad bowl. “He’s—not to gas him up—but he’s always been funny and kind, I guess. Like, he’s just always had a good heart.” You took the last tomato, starting to cut it up into wedges too. “He’s always just cared about others around him and tried to make others happy. It’s- it’s really nice and sweet.”

“That’s-”

“Like, one time he stayed after school with,” you quickly swallowed the ‘me’, “uh, one of our friends for hours because they had lost their keys. And they didn’t even ask him to stay. He just did it himself and helped them out because they were, like, freaking out and on the brink of tears. And they weren’t even friends at that point. They were just classmates, but he- that didn’t matter to him. He helped them nevertheless.”

You laughed at the memory a little, remembering clearly how panicked you had been when you had realised that you had lost your keys.

“But he also definitely has his dramatic tendencies, and he’s also very picky with his food. I’m sure you know by now- oh, and he’s constantly late. At this point, it’s just chronic. Don’t get me started on his shitty excuses.”

You put away the last tomato wedges and your grip around the knife loosened. With your eyes on your hands, you sighed and without noticing, a smile stretched across your lips.

“But nevertheless, he’s a really amazing and great person.”

Heejin had long stopped dicing the cucumber and simply stared at you. When you looked up to her, you realised that maybe you had said too much. Your heart dropped into your stomach at the realisation and you were about to dismiss your words when a smile grew on Heejin’s lips.

“That’s great to hear,” she said and you couldn’t figure out if she meant it or not. “Sounds like you two were close.”

“Well, no- He was known for being kind and funny at our school. Ask anybody, they’d say the same thing about him,” you laughed and you hoped you could hide the wavering of your voice. “And if anyone was close to him, then it was Taehyung.”

“What was I?”

Taehyung stood next to you and you were about to respond when he took one of the tomato wedges and plopped them into his mouth. He stopped chewing when he saw the diced cucumbers and he looked at you, but you avoided his gaze.

“Don’t eat all of them. It’s for the salad. Also, are you done with your thing?” you said when he mindlessly reached for a second tomato wedge. You slapped his hand away, eliciting a gasp and whine from him.

“You’re mean, Y/N,” a pout formed on Taehyung’s lips, but you simply rolled your eyes at him, “and, yeah, Kook is finishing everything up.” He rubbed his hand. “Also, what was I?”

You sighed and put down the knife, reaching for the kitchen towel hanging from Taehyung’s shoulder to wipe your hands on it. “Close to him during high school.”

Taehyung raised his brows for a second before his gaze wandered behind you and it clicked in his mind. “Talking about the past, huh?”

“Yeah, Kook rarely ever talks about it,” Heejin said and you took the little piece of uncut cucumber from her cutting board, wanting to busy yourself with something.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jungkook turned off the stove and walked up to you, stopping behind Heejin.

“High school,” Taehyung said and Jungkook’s eyes shot to you. His gaze dug into you, but you acted like you couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel him looking at you and instead kept your focus on dicing the cucumber in front of you.

“Yeah, you never wanna talk about it, babe,” Heejin repeated again and Jungkook frowned at her words.

“It wasn’t a good time.”

For just a second, you stopped focusing on the cucumber and instead focused on the icicles slowly forming in your lungs and the piercing breeze blowing through your chest, but you pulled it together and ignored the cold spreading through you.

“Wait, seriously?” Heejin asked and looked at Jungkook with raised brows. 

“Yeah, I guess-” Jungkook shrugged and you could feel Taehyung’s eyes on you as you poured the diced cucumbers into the salad bowl. “It wasn’t-”

Jungkook looked over to you for a second, but you didn’t meet his gaze. You just kept staring at the cutting board and over your head, Taehyung shot Jungkook a look that almost resembled a glare. 

“I just don’t like thinking back to that time.” Jungkook shrugged once more and you let go of the knife. It hit the cutting board with a faint thud that had your face contorting and Taehyung tensing up next to you. His fingers pulled on your wrist and wrapped around it, thumb brushing over your skin to soothe you, but it did nothing to thaw the icicles hanging from your lungs, sharp and ready to steal your breath.

“I mean it’s not like it was awful or anything. I did have my friends and a g- uh, stuff like that, and at the time, I thought it was great,” Jungkook continued on, and your heart froze up more and more with each of his words.

His eyes wandered to you, digging into you as he continued,

“But great things always have to come to an end.”

Taehyung was glued to your side for the rest of the time, and you thanked him with a smile when you felt like you could muster up one. He shot one right back at you and by the time dinner was actually served, you had almost completely forgotten about Jungkook’s words and the way they had frozen up your heart.

You almost forgot.

Because for some reason, you were the one sitting across from Jungkook. When Taehyung and you had noticed, you couldn’t switch anymore. And so, Jungkook and you made sure to keep your heads low and your legs tucked underneath your chairs.

“How come?”

You looked up and blinked at Heejin as she quickly swallowed the rice to continue talking.

“How come both of you haven’t watched ‘Titanic’?” she asked and pointed between Taehyung and you. 

“I don’t think there’s necessarily a reason, right?” you said and looked at Taehyung for confirmation. He hummed in agreement and shrugged, stuffing his face with some of the salad.

“Do you guys just not like romcoms?”

“Uh, wouldn’t say we don’t like them,” Taehyung mumbled, “but we don’t really watch them either.”

“Yeah, most are just a little too unrealistic for me,” you added and took a sip from your wine. 

“I get that. Unrealistic romcoms are definitely the worst,” Heejin laughed. “Kook and I really enjoy romcoms though.”

You almost told Heejin that you knew that, that you knew very much that Jungkook was a sucker for romcoms. He had been the romantic of you two, taking you out on the most extra dates, making sure that you always felt special, trying his hardest to make your relationship into a romcom.

“Netflix has put out some really great and realistic ones though recently,” Heejin continued. ”Like, ‘Set It Up’ is really great and funny and ‘To All The Boys I’ve Ever Loved Before’ while a little more cheesy, is still very great.”

“You really like romcoms, don’t you?” you asked and Heejin beamed at your question, clearly excited about the prospect of talking about romcoms in depth.

“Yeah, I absolutely love them,” she sighed and leaned forward a little, her smile widening. You smiled back at her because it was truly hard not to smile at Heejin.

“What’s your favourite one?” you asked and Heejin’s smile grew into a grin, eyes glossing over as the excitement etched onto her face. 

“Hard question, but I’d say ‘About Time’ and ‘Someone Great’ are some of my favourites,” Heejin said and you perked up.

“Didn’t we watch ‘About Time’?” You looked over to Jungkook without meaning to and when he met your gaze, his eyes were big and flushed with panic. Quickly, you added, “We watched it together, right? All of us?”

Your head whipped around to Taehyung and he was mid-bite, caught off guard. 

“Yeah, no, we, uh, did,” Taehyung coughed out, slightly choking on his rice.

“Wasn’t it great?” Heejin said with a big grin and you nodded, taking a big sip from your wine.

“W-what was the other one again? ‘Someone Great’? What is that one about? I don’t think I’ve heard of it,” you said, changing the topic. Jungkook quickly went back to focusing on his food, but Taehyung was still looking at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, it’s about Jenny—she’s the main character—who is a journalist, and she lands her dream job, but to fulfill it, she has to move across the country,” Heejin started to explain and you thought you were hearing wrong. You almost choked on your own spit and you weren’t the only one noticing the similarities because Jungkook slowly raised his head and looked at you.

“Her boyfriend, Nate, of, I think, nine or ten years ends up breaking up with her because of it and then she and her friends, like, try to forget about everything and cheer her up. It’s a really good film. They also all have their own respective relationship problems and we also get to see Jenny’s and her boyfriend’s relationship through flashbacks,” Heejin finished up telling and Taehyung’s hand found yours. You let go of your fork to interlace your fingers with his because right now, you needed someone to hold onto.

“It’s not your conventional romcom,” Heejin said with a smile. “It’s why I love it so much. It totally brings up the question of love or work and what’s the right choice.”

You hummed and looked away, deciding not to look at Jungkook because you didn’t want to see the way his features contort and harden. You had seen it once already, had seen his face split apart in pain once before. You had seen it when you had told him you were leaving, and ever since, you hadn’t gotten it out of your head. It had haunted you all of these years. 

You knew if you looked at Jungkook right now, the guilt and bad memories would bubble up and chew you out again. A lump would lodge itself into your throat and your heart would tighten into an impossible knot and everything in your body would ache and scream and tears would prick your eyes and your lungs would freeze to ice. 

At the sight of it, you would be left on the floor, gutted and breathless and in pain and frozen.

“What do you think, Y/N?”

You were more than caught off guard by the question and you scrunched up your brows, tilting your head to the side as you met Heejin’s gaze.

“Like, the fact that her boyfriend broke up with her and she essentially had to choose between love and work. What do you think about that?” Heejin blinked at you and her expression was hard to read. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her brows were slightly raised.

You stammered for something to say, incredibly aware that all eyes were on you. Jungkook seemed to be staring holes into you, almost like he was challenging you to say the wrong thing. Taehyung squeezed your hand even tighter now and you couldn’t thank him enough because it offered you enough strength to croak out, 

“I don’t know.”

For a moment, there was silence.

“Well, I think it was fair of her boyfriend to break up with her because leaving like that was just shitty,” Jungkook piped up and Taehyung scoffed quietly underneath his breath, whispering an ‘of course’ to himself.

“I wouldn’t say breaking up with her was fair at all,” Taehyung argued and you squeezed Taehyung’s hands, wishing he wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t start all of this, but you couldn’t get through him. He couldn’t feel your hand tightening around his, could only feel the anger coursing through his veins.

“How is breaking up with her not fair if they were going to break up anyway? It was inevitable. She essentially left him for a job. Might as well just do it instead of dragging it out,” Jungkook said and put down his fork and knife, leaning back to cross his arms in front of his chest.

“Dude, no, it wasn’t,” Taehyung spat out and tried his hardest to keep his voice level. “They could have tried, tried to work it out somehow. Maybe they would have broken up later, but not trying at all and then being mad at the other person is not fair at all and fucking ridiculous.”

Heejin looked between Jungkook and Taehyung as they threw words at each other’s heads like doing so would make the other understand. You sank deeper into the chair and never more did you wish for a hole to appear underneath you and swallow you. In fact, you wouldn’t mind if the hole swallowed you and never spat you out again.

The conversation had taken a different turn than Heejin had intended it to go and you hoped and prayed she wouldn’t piece it together, wouldn’t figure out what exactly was being said right now, wouldn't manage to read between the lines.

“Can you really blame her boyfriend, though?” Jungkook was slipping now. The anger was consuming him slowly and wholly, taking over him. “I- he must have been so caught off guard by the news that she was moving away. It’s not okay or fair to keep that shit from him all the time and then expect him to be fine with it or supportive after telling him-”

“Yeah, I get it. It sucks that she kept it from y- him, but ever thought that there was a reason, huh?” Taehyung was breaking as well and the mask of friendliness and neutrality was sliding off, sliding off so fast he couldn’t catch it. Not that he bothered to. ”Ever thought that she kept it a secret from him because she was scared and didn’t want to hurt him? Like, fine, dude, be mad at the moment, but hating her forever and not even bidding her goodbye-”

“You don’t seem to get just how hurt I- he was, Taehyung. It’s not that easy-”

“How is it not that easy to be a decent human being? If he loved her, if he really loved her, he would have realised that it was her dream and wished her well-”

“Well, if she really loved him, she wouldn’t have left him like that! But she did because she’s selfish.” 

At this point, Jungkook and Taehyung were essentially screaming at each other, words bitter and far too loud.

“Dude, how is it selfish to chase your dreams? Also, what the fuck are you trying to say? Is she meant to always choose him over everything-”

“No, that’s literally not what I’m saying. She should have talked to him-”

“And she did, but he didn’t listen. What was she gonna do? Harass him into listening?”

“No, because at that point, when he refused to listen, she had already messed it all up! She had already broken him. Fuck, they were literally dating for years and years and one day, she just tells him she’s gonna leave? Like, what the actual fuck? What about their promise of forever? What about that? Was he not enough for her now?”

Jungkook was glaring at Taehyung with his eyes blown out wide and his chest heaving, lungs aching for air.

“She can go fuck herself for that!”

Your knuckles turned white around Taehyung’s hand and your teeth sank into your tongue. It was your poor attempt to numb the pain rippling through you now with even more pain.

Jungkook’s words were dripping with venom and anger. They sliced into you and pushed out any warmth inside you, leaving you freezing and cold. They poisoned you, sent the icicles crashing down from where they had been hanging, and they pierced through your lungs and filled them up with blood. You could feel yourself choke, suffocate slowly and painfully as his words replayed over and over again in your mind like a broken record.

You wanted to press your eyes shut and run away. You didn’t want to hear any of it anymore, didn’t want to have to listen to Taehyung and Jungkook screaming at each other, yelling like it was a battle of who could be the loudest.

Your eyes locked with Jungkook’s and while his stare was cold and hard, colder and harder than you had ever seen it, there seemed to be something else glimmering in his eyes too. And that something made him look like he knew he had gone too far, look like he knew exactly what his words were doing to you, but right now, he didn’t care, didn’t care just how much he was hurting you because in his mind, you had hurt him first, had hurt him worse.

So, hurting you was okay, justified even.

Taehyung fixed Jungkook with a glare, but he simply held his own, eyes digging into Taehyung’s as much as his eyes were digging into Jungkook’s. Taehyung’s nostrils were flared and his jaw was locked to the point it had to hurt. Both slipped into a staring contest either were more than determined to win.

At the end though, it was Jungkook who tore his gaze away, but the anger and frustration were etched onto every line and edge of his face. 

Taehyung scoffed before throwing his fork down on the plate and jumping up. His chair hit the floor and you were about to pick it up when he yanked on your hand. You stumbled after him more than anything else and as Taehyung led you around the table and out of the kitchen, your gaze met Heejin’s.

Her brows were drawn together and for once, there was no hint of a smile on her lips. You wanted to apologise to her, tell her it was all fine—even though you weren’t even sure if it was—but then you saw her hand on his knee underneath the table and suddenly, there was an unbelievably uncomfortable knot sitting in your throat, stopping you.

“I hope you don’t choke on your fucking diced cucumbers, dude.”

[yoongs - 08:23 PM] : @y/n @tehyung how is the dinner going?

[yeri - 08:34 PM] : ohh, yeah, how is it? are you guys still stuck watching jack draw rose like one of his ~french girls~??

[yeri - 08:34 PM] : also yoongs do you have taes name saved wrong in your phone??? wtf

[yoongs - 08:57 PM] : have you guys gotten to that stupid door scene yet?

[yeri - 09:14 PM] : are you ignoring me? 

[yoongs - 09:43 PM] : @y/n @tehyung didnt you guys say youd try to go home asap

[yoongs - 09:43 PM] : how long is dinner and a film? or are you guys ignoring us?

[yeri - 09:45 PM] : tae, are you ignoring us like yoongs is ignoring me right now?? like y/n i get bc she sucks at texting, but you? tae? not responding? :o

[You - 04:57 AM] : hey, yoongs! please dont say anything to yeri or tae, but could you give me his address? kinda urgent.

[yoongs - 09:14 AM] : are you okay? why are you texting me at 4?

[You - 09:14 AM] : im fine. ill tell you all about it later. just give me his address please

[yoongs - 09:15 AM] : uff fine

[yoongs sent in location]

[yoongs - 09:15 AM] : its 201

In high school, you hadn’t been nearly as close to Taehyung as you were now. It wasn’t because you hadn’t been friends with each other, but rather because he had been so close to Jungkook already. Even after your friend group had formed, the two always had a different kind of bond, a deeper one. And even after Jungkook and you had started dating, their bond had been just as strong as yours had been with Jungkook. 

It had never bothered you because Taehyung and Jungkook had known each other forever, had known each other since they were in diapers. In fact, Yerim, Yoongi and you had always poked fun at that, always joked that those two were the true couple of your friend group. 

It was why you should have expected this to happen when you knocked on Taehyung’s front door.

“Jungkook?”

Your lips parted slightly as you stared at him with big eyes. He was equally as shocked as you were, clearly not checking who it had been before opening the door.

“How’d you get in?” he asked with a furrow of his brows and you stammered before pointing behind you.

“Uh, someone let me in when they were walking out,” you explained and Jungkook scoffed slightly, head shaking from left to right as he cursed his neighbour.

Jungkook was donning a simple white T-Shirt and grey swats. You had seen him in this outfit more times than you could count when you had dated, but it still had your heart quickening because, fuck, he did look good dressed like that.

And as you stared at him, all of the memories of yesterday came rushing back to you and immediately, you lowered your gaze to your feet.

“He isn’t here. Didn’t come home yesterday,” Jungkook mumbled, knowing exactly why you were here and that you definitely were not here for him. Judging from your reaction upon seeing him, you hadn’t expected to see him. Another scoff almost escaped him, but somehow, he managed to swallow it. 

When you looked back up to him, Jungkook was already walking away, but the door stood wide open. Interpreting him leaving the door open as inviting you inside, you stepped in and closed the door behind you.

You tightened your grip around your tote bag as you walked inside, steps light. You were ready to run right out if Jungkook was to ask you why the fuck you invited yourself inside, but he didn’t. He just walked into the living room and sat down on his U shaped couch before pulling out his phone and mindlessly scrolling through it.

Unsure what to do—not only because you had never been here before, but also because you hadn’t expected to see Jungkook—you stopped behind him, not daring to take a single step inside the living room.

It was small and most of the room was taken up by the U shaped couch, but somehow it still looked home-y and cozy. Something about it, about the way the furniture was arranged and the room was decorated screamed comfort and you knew Jungkook was to thank for it. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, just sit. Looks like I’m not letting you.”

You snapped around to see Jungkook rolling his eyes at you. He gestured around him, offering you the rest of the couch, but you hesitated to do just what he had told you to. His eyes continued to burn into you and after a second and some internal debating, you wandered around the couch and sat down, choosing the seat that was furthest from Jungkook’s.

The gap between you two was huge, enough to fit Taehyung, Yerim and Yoongi between it, and you were more than thankful for it because the tension was palpable, thick, so thick a knife couldn’t even cut through it, so thick it could stop a bullet.

You put down your tote bag next to you, but you held it close to you, protecting the food inside. After a few seconds of silence, you pulled out your phone, unlocking it to open Taehyung’s and your chat.

[You - 09:32 AM] : where, uh, are you right now?

[You - 09:32 AM] : please come home asap. im sitting in the living room with him and its awkward as fuck. hurry

[You - 09:32 AM] : also why the fuck didnt you tell me you lived w him??

You were about to make a new group chat, add Yoongi and Yerim to it and panic text them when Taehyung came online and started typing.

[tae - 09:32 AM] : wtf??

[tae - 09:33 AM] : why the fuck ar u at my place?? you know where i lve?

[tae - 09:33 AM] : im there asap

[You - 09:33 AM] : i made you food as a way to say sorry

[tae - 09:33 AM] : go into my room its in the back. on the left second dor

[tae - 09:33 AM] : why sorry????

[You - 09:34 AM] : okay good. hurry

[You - 09:34 AM] : uh well your fight with him???? you forgot abt it?

[tae - 09:34 AM] : no ofc not

[tae - 09:34 AM] : but

[You - 09:34 AM] : omfg what does it matter. just come home

[tae - 09:35 AM] : fine

You sighed and hoped that Taehyung was going to come back in the next ten minutes or so because you couldn’t stand being in a room with Jungkook any longer. You just couldn’t forget that he was right here, that he was just sitting a few metres away from you, in the same room as you.

“But she did because she’s selfish.”

“When he refused to listen, she had already messed it all up!”

“She had already broken him.”

“He wasn’t enough for her now?”

“What about their promise of forever?”

“She can go fuck herself for that!”

You pressed your lips together and let your head fall, eyes squeezing shut as you tried to block it all out, tried not to think, but it was hard, hard when the person you had hurt the most in the world was sitting right there. You wanted to fall to your knees and beg for Jungkook’s forgiveness, but you doubted you had a right to even do that, not to mention talk to him.

The guilt had been eating you up since yesterday evening and continued on as you laid in bed, desperately trying to get some sleep. In the end, you watched the sun creep up the sky, painting your hometown in a tragic orange. 

“Here.”

You peeled your eyes open at the sound before slowly raising your head to see Jungkook standing right in front of you, hands buried in his sweats. He nodded towards the coffee table and when you looked at it, a cup of coffee was sitting on top of it.

“Looks like you haven’t slept in years,” Jungkook scoffed, almost like his words were meant to hurt you, but for once, for the first time since you had seen him again, they had warmth spreading through you. 

“Oh, thanks.”

You reached for the cup of coffee, and it was bordering on cold, but when you took a sip from it, you could feel the sun start to shine in your chest and thaw the remnants of the icicles that had stayed behind from yesterday, shine away the mess that yesterday had left behind.

“Thanks,” you mumbled again, but Jungkook had already turned on his heel and sat down again. You didn’t care, didn’t care because that had just been the first somewhat civil interaction Jungkook and you had shared and you couldn’t help but treasure it.

If you were completely honest, the coffee tasted okay at best and kind of bad at worst, and maybe it was because you were incredibly tired so any caffeine was welcomed or maybe it was because Jungkook had given you the cup of coffee, but somehow that was the best cup of coffee you had ever had. It dissolved on your tongue in the best way possible. 

“Uh,” you turned to Jungkook and he looked up from his phone, brows shooting up as his lips pulled into a thin line. You wanted to say something, but your voice had to have dissolved with the coffee because you couldn’t get it to come out.

You simply pointed at your empty cup of coffee and after a few more seconds of incredibly awkward staring, you managed to croak out, “Where can I put, uh-”

“Just leave it on the coffee table,” Jungkook said before immediately turning back to his phone. You nodded nevertheless and did as you were told.

You pulled out your phone too, and, so, you two sat there for a while in silence as you waited for Taehyung to come home. Almost twenty minutes had passed at this point and because you were too focused on your phone, you didn’t notice Jungkook turn off his phone and put it back in his pocket, didn’t notice him press his lips into a thin line before sighing and looking up to you.

“You remember how I like my cucumbers cut?”

Your eyes shot to him and you could feel the heat crawl up your neck at the question, recalling clearly how he had reacted when you had insinuated how well you still knew him, how that had led to him fixing you with the most piercing stare and ended with him telling you that you taught him that people were selfish and that he hoped you were right and that he didn’t have to see you again after this.

“Uh,” you started before carefully continuing, “yeah. I- I do.”

And it was then that you watched Jungkook crack a smile.

He smiled like he hadn’t essentially told you to go fuck yourself yesterday, smiled like you hadn’t broken his heart, smiled like everything was fine between you two. For the first few seconds, you thought your brain was playing a joke on you, thought you were seeing wrong and that the coffee was hitting you just really hard, but then-

“I thought it was dumb that I prefered diced cucumbers.” Jungkook scrunched up his nose and tilted his head at you, and a smile stretched across your lips, heart tumbling in your chest.

“It is,” you said, “but I’ve been kind of dumb these days.”

You shrugged and Jungkook’s smile widened the tiniest bit, and you had to bite on your lip to stop your smile from growing into a grin, from growing a little too big.

“I swear they taste better diced-”

“Oh my god,” you groaned and rolled your eyes at Jungkook in faux annoyance. “You still seriously think that-”

“I don’t think, I-”

“Yeah, I know you don’t think,” you said and slipped back into teasing Jungkook like nothing had ever happened between you two, like you had never left, like he hadn’t hated and resented you for it, like you hadn’t hurt each other, like yesterday hadn’t happened.

Jungkook gasped at your words, and you giggled when you saw the smile pulling on the corners of his lips that he was so desperately trying to hide, relieved to know that you hadn’t crossed a line.

“Damn, I didn’t miss this, Y/N,” Jungkook said with a light laugh and you noticed instantly that Jungkook had said your name. Your heart tumbled in your chest, involuntarily, and as much as you had tried to hide it by biting it away, a grin split apart on your lips.

For once, there was no tension in the air, no cold lingering around you two, no icicles forming in your lungs. For once, your joints weren’t tightening to the point it hurt and ached, no stiffness stretching you straight. For once, you felt somewhat comfortable around Jungkook, somewhat at ease.

“What did you miss then?” 

“You.”

The answer slipped past Jungkook’s lips, rolled off his tongue without a second thought and you knew it, knew he hadn’t meant to say that, knew he hadn’t intentionally said it when you saw the blood rush to his face and paint his cheeks a bright and blaring red.

Your lips parted slightly and you blinked at Jungkook. Both of you both fell silent again and snapped your heads around, avoiding each other’s gazes as much as possible. And slowly, you could feel the tension fill up the room again, seep into every crack of the room, but this time it was different. 

This time the silence was loud, louder than Taehyung and Jungkook had been yesterday when they were screaming at each other. And with each second it lingered in the stifling air, you felt like it was urging you to say something, urging you to break it and tell Jungkook all of the things you had been wanting to say.

And so, you did, did break it, but you didn’t say the things you had been wanting to say. You said the thing you knew was okay to say.

“Heejin is nice.”

You whispered it into the room, whispered it so quietly like you didn’t want to break the silence that had been begging to be broken. Your eyes stayed on the ground, stayed focused on anything that wasn’t Jungkook, and he did the same, didn’t look up either.

“Yeah,” Jungkook breathed out and propped his arms on his knees, body leaning forward. “I guess she is.”

You nodded, barely registering his answer because you weren’t actually listening for it, not that you could have if you had wanted to because your heart was thumping in your ears, each beat as loud as a bomb going off right next to you. 

“H-how long have you two been dating?” you asked and you were honestly not sure why you were asking because simply thinking about Heejin and Jungkook together hurt you. Somehow you had been spared of their relationship details so far and you were more than thankful for that.

“Well, uh, a couple months,” Jungkook said with a cough. “Almost six now, I think.”

“And she hasn’t met the others yet?” you asked and peeked over to Jungkook. He only lowered his head even more and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, no, she hasn’t,” Jungkook mumbled.

“How come?” you continued in an attempt to lighten the whole situation, but somehow the air seemed to grow thicker with every word you exchanged. 

Jungkook took his time to answer, eyes scanning the floor like the words would appear on it if he stared long enough, like someone would whisper into his ear why Heejin hadn’t met his friends yet, like he would remember what his reasoning was.

“I- I don’t know,” Jungkook ended up sighing before curling up into himself, head lowering even more as if he was aiming to plant it to the floor.

“How’d you meet?” you asked.

“How does anybody meet anybody these days? Dating apps.”.

“What-”

“Did you date?”

The question was simple, each word easy to understand, but you had difficulties figuring out what he was asking you.

“When you were there, I mean. Did you date?”

You stammered for an answer, words running away from you like you were children playing Tag on a sunny day with your friends, and you were losing, miserably. The air was knocked out of your lungs and it took you seemingly an eternity to finally get it together and cough out some words, words that put together resembled an answer.

“I- yeah, I, uh, did.” You grimaced at yourself, head lowering to avoid Jungkook’s gaze the same way he had avoided yours before.

“So, you had, like, a serious-”

“No,” you cut in a little too fast. “I mean I dated, but nothing was really serious. I never had anything like a proper- you know.”

The corners of Jungkook’s lip curled up the tiniest bit at your answer.

“How come?”

You sighed and gripped your tote bag next to you, wondering now where the fuck Taehyung was because hadn’t he said he would hurry? 

“It just never felt quite right, I guess.” You shrugged and shifted from left to right, fingers tightening around your tote bag. “They were all funny and kind, but- I guess you could say that something was missing. Like, I don’t know, the spark or whatever.” Another shrug. “But also not like I had time to date. Was busy with my studies anyway.”

Jungkook hummed and for a moment, you both fell silent again. You were about to pull out your phone and mumble something about checking where Taehyung was to change the subject to something lighter, easier, when he cut in.

“Anyone significant though?” Your eyes shot to him and you raised your brows at him. His face was neutral, but there was definite curiosity swimming in his pupils. “Like, memorable? Anyone that stuck around a little longer? Or, you know, you liked-”

“No,” you said with a vigorous shake of your head. “No one that was in any way memorable or significant. Most just- they just kind of blur together.”

Jungkook looked at you for another second, words sinking in with him before he nodded and hummed. Both of you lowered your gazes again and fell into the all too familiar silence, tension creeping up on you.

But before you could be forced to break the silence once again and word vomit all over yourself, there was a rumbling and a frantic turning of keys. A second later, the front door flew open. Hectic and clumsy steps followed and soon enough, your eyes landed on a frazzled and panting Taehyung.

He stopped in the middle of the room, right in front of Jungkook and you. His chest heaved and judging from the sweat running down his temple, he had run a good amount.

Jungkook looked away when Taehyung stumbled into the living room, and instantly, you could feel a change in the air. The tension sat on your chest, suffocating you as it seeped into every corner of the room.

“My room,” Taehyung panted before pointing at you and into the hallway, not sparing Jungkook a single glance as he turned on his heel. You didn’t follow his words and only tightened your grip around your tote bag.

“I, uh,” you cleared your throat and Taehyung stopped, turning around to look at you with raised brows, confused, “I’d rather stay, uh, here.”

“What?” Taehyung asked and irritation started to mix with his confusion. “Why?”

His eyes dug into yours like he was trying to tell you just how little he wanted to stay here, and you sighed, tucking a strand behind your ear. Your tongue swiped across your bottom lip and you could feel your heart quicken in your chest, quicken impossibly.

“I-” you lowered your head before finally mustering up the courage to say it. “I know I said I came here to say sorry for yesterday, but I’m also here to say that I’d like to stop—I guess you could call it fake dating, right?—well, anyway, I’m here to tell you I’d like to stop fake dating you,” you thought to yourself, unsure how to call what Taehyung and you had been doing, “or whatever.”

“Why?”

“Because,” you started, voice quiet and calm, and you couldn’t look at Taehyung or Jungkook as you explained yourself because, fuck, all of this was so ridiculous and dumb, “I don’t like it. I don’t like lying. It’s stupid.”

You shrugged and when you looked up to Taehyung, he had his brows raised at you and his hands on his hips, obviously not believing you at all.

“You’re literally ly-”

“Also,” you cut in, not wanting to give Taehyung a chance to disagree with you and because you had to get everything out right now before the courage left you and you were staring at the floor once again. “Also, it’s just not fair to Heejin. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to you. She’s a good person and if she finds out that we’ve been lying to her, she- I don’t know, might break up with, uh, you know.”

Your eyes flickered to Jungkook. He was already looking at you, and maybe it was because your heart was beating in your ears, tumbling way too loud in your chest or maybe because you couldn’t properly look at him for more than a second, but you couldn’t read his expression. There was something in his eyes, but you couldn’t quite figure out what exactly.

“And we don’t want that, right?” 

Your voice wavered as you said the words and you hoped it would go unnoticed, hoped that neither Taehyung nor Jungkook listened closely enough to hear the waver. You folded your arms over your stomach, focusing back on Taehyung. He eyed you, continued to do so and you had to try your hardest not to shift and look away. 

“Fine,” Taehyung sighed, gaze tearing away to let it wander before his eyes returned to you like he had come to accept your decision just now. “What do you suggest?”

“I- uh,” you flashed Taehyung a nervous smile and wrung your hands together, “I don’t know. I- I figured we’d come up with something,” a short pause, “together.”

When you looked over to Jungkook again, he was staring at the floor before meeting your gaze, obviously not thinking he was going to be included in this. You wanted to muster up something that resembled a smile, but looking at him was something you couldn’t do, so, your eyes flickered to Taehyung. No smile for Jungkook.

“Together,” you repeated and Taehyung sighed, head lowering for a few seconds as he squeezed his eyes shut. When he looked up again, there was a deep line etched onto his features.

“Fine,” Taehyung breathed out before wandering into the room again and sitting down right opposite of Jungkook. 

All three of you occupied one side of the U shaped couch, Jungkook the left, Taehyung the right and you the middle.

“Okay, uh,” you started when the silence continued on too long, leaning forward to grab Taehyung's attention. “I- I’d say we have to break up amicably, right?”

You looked over to Taehyung for some kind of reaction, but his eyes were fixed on Jungkook and his eyes were fixed on Taehyung as well. Your head started to throb and you knew it was a matter of time until it split apart. Unable to take it any longer, you clapped your hands together and cut through some of the lingering tension.

“I thought we were gonna talk,” you said, voice quiet because you were too scared to speak up too loudly. You looked at Taehyung only because looking at Taehyung was easy and looking at Jungkook was not. “Let’s talk then, please.”

Taehyung and Jungkook locked eyes once more, the corners of their lips turned down, but both came to a mutual conclusion.

“Okay,” Jungkook sighed and shifted in his seat. 

“Yeah, fine,” Taehyung mumbled quietly, arms unfolding to rest on his knees. 

There was a moment of silence as he thought.

“You said break up amicably, right?” Taehyung pointed at you and you nodded. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea.”

“What does it matter if you two break up amicably or not?” Jungkook questioned with a furrow of his brow and Taehyung sighed.

“It matters because if Y/N and I don’t break up amicably, we can’t hang out in the future. So, if Heejin were to see us, it’d be weird,” Taehyung explained and the irritation was dripping from his words.

“You guys wanna hang out in the future?” Jungkook asked and Taehyung contorted his face at him.

“Yeah, of course, dude. Why the fuck wouldn’t we? We’re friends,” he said and shook his head at Jungkook, scoffing slightly.

“Don’t-”

“Okay, great. Break up amicably. How though?” you cut in before things could escalate any further, turning to Taehyung for some answers, but he simply shrugged.

“How about,” Jungkook started and ran a hand through his hair, “How about you two start acting annoyed with each other the next time we meet up? Like, start dropping hints and then, I’ll make some comment about how you two have problems and then, when we see each other again, you two are broken up.”

“Yeah, I doubt that Heejin would like to meet up again after yesterday,” Taehyung said and you hummed in agreement.

“Are you sure this is about Heejin not wanting to meet up or just you?” Jungkook bit back and you sighed inwardly, regretting not taking Yoongi or Yerim with you as support.

“Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?” Taehyung sneered with a scoff and a breathy chuckle, and you were certain your skull was going to break into pieces.

“What am I talking about? How about the fact that you didn’t come home yesterday?” Jungkook asked and pointed at Taehyung, the knit deepening between his brows.

“What does that-”

“Tae, please,” you interrupted and closed your eyes, hating every second of this. “Just don’t, please.”

You peeled your eyelids open and locked eyes with him, shaking your head from left to right as you were on the verge of giving this up and going home. Taehyung’s gaze softened when he saw how tired you were, irritation washing out of him in an instant.

“Yeah, no, you’re right. I’m sorry,” he mumbled, hand reaching for yours and you took it, squeezing it to thank him silently. You two shared a look and both of you were too occupied to notice Jungkook lowering his head and scoffing silently to himself, teeth sinking far too deep into his lip, so much so it should hurt.

“Okay, so, how-” you started, letting go of Taehyung’s hand to concentrate on the conversation again. “How did you imagine us meeting up again? Because I also don’t think that Heejin would want to meet up after yesterday.”

You glanced into Jungkook’s direction, but he kept his head low, acting like he was thinking when in reality, he was trying not to burst. 

“Maybe we could convince Yeri or Yoongs to host a game night or whatever,” Taehyung offered as a solution and you thought about his words for a moment before nodding, a smile tugging on the corners of your lips.

“Yeah, that sounds like something,” you said and turned to Jungkook slightly, glancing into his general direction to gauge his reaction.

“But,” Jungkook started, head raising a little as he looked at Taehyung with his brows slightly knitted together, “that’d mean Heejin would meet-”

Jungkook didn’t finish the sentence, deciding to swallow the rest of it instead and Taehyung and you exchanged a glance, giving him a few seconds to make up his mind again as to what he wanted to say.

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” Jungkook sighed at the end, nodding, and Taehyung and you locked eyes once more.

“Great. I can talk to them about it,” you said with somewhat of a smile on your lips and Taehyung hummed in agreement and Jungkook just rubbed the back of his neck.

Stifling silence fell over all three of you, but then you remembered why you had come here in the first place. You dug through your tote bag and pulled out one tupperware box before pulling out another one. You placed them both on the coffee table and pushed them into their direction.

Taehyung and Jungkook looked up when they heard the sliding of the tupperware boxes and almost simultaneously, they furrowed their brows together and glanced at you. You didn’t meet either’s gazes, deciding to fiddle with the strap of your tote bag instead. 

“Breakfast,” you said with a shrug and it took Taehyung grabbing his box and removing the top for Jungkook to finally stop staring at you and grab his box.

“You made me food too?” Jungkook asked and stared at the box in front of him before glancing back up to you. You lowered your head even more, cheeks growing hot underneath his eyes.

“Well, no, not really,” you started, clearing your throat. “I mean I didn’t know you lived with Tae, but since he always used to eat so much I figured one box wasn’t enough and so, I made two, but I’m pretty sure two boxes were too much anyway. So, this works out perfectly actually. But it’s just a bunch of stuff I found in my fridge and threw together. Really nothing special.”

You shrugged more and Taehyung mumbled something underneath his breath, but you couldn’t catch it. Without a fork or a chopstick or any cutlery, he dug in, biting off a piece of the fried egg.

“Fuck, it’s good,” Taehyung said with a slight scoff like it was infuriating to him that your cooking (Could it be considered cooking though because you just made some bacon and fried egg and cut up some vegetables?) didn’t completely suck.

“Thanks,” Taehyung mumbled in between bites, enjoying the food so much that he couldn’t even raise his head to look at you.

You nodded and glanced at Jungkook, who had snapped out of whatever he had previously been and finally removed the top of the box, marvelling at the food in front of him. And just like Taehyung, he dug in, fingers first. You watched Jungkook try the bacon and shake his head as he chewed, a smile overtaking his lips more and more as he continued eating.

Jungkook looked up, eyes locking with yours and with the softest smile, he nodded at you.

“Thank you.”

And you nodded right back at him with your heart tumbling far too loudly in your chest.

“You’re welcome.”

All three of you fell silent and for a while, Taehyung’s and Jungkook’s constant chewing was the only thing that rang in your ears at all.

“Uh, Tae, could you give me-” Jungkook pointed at the box of tissues in front of Taehyung, out of his reach. He looked up at Jungkook’s voice, blinking for a few seconds because this had been the first time Jungkook had talked to him in a civil manner. Taehyung nodded and shoved the little piece of carrot into his mouth.

“Yeah, no, sure thing,” he mumbled before taking a tissue and leaning over the table to give it to Jungkook. He took it, wiping his fingers and mouth before locking eyes with Taehyung once more.

“Thanks,” Jungkook mumbled quietly and Taehyung smiled to himself a little before waving it off.

“Sure thing,” Taehyung mumbled equally quiet and you had to stop the grin from growing on your lips. 

For a few more seconds, you sat there as Taehyung and Jungkook practically devoured the food you had made (neither bothered to go to the kitchen and get some cutlery though) before you crossed your arms in front of your chest and turned to Taehyung.

“Why were you so late?” you asked and he looked up, a piece of fried egg hanging from the corner of his mouth. “And where were you that it took you half an hour to get back?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes at you and swiped across his mouth with the back of his hand, swallowing heavily. “I crashed at Yoongi’s, and I swear the traffic was just out of the world this morning. I hit more red lights-”

“What? Was there a fire? Or did someone drop a bunch of mirrors on the road?”

Jungkook choked next to you and you watched him cough and pat his chest, trying desperately not to suffocate. Taehyung and you exchanged glances, and even though it had been incredibly awkward and tense just mere minutes ago, things were slowly changing.

When he finally managed to swallow his food, Jungkook locked eyes with you and you tried to hide it, but a smile grew onto your lips, eliciting his cheeks to grow hot and red.

“You guys never believed me,” Jungkook mumbled, a dramatic pout forming on his lips, and when you looked at Taehyung again, both of you burst out into laughter.

“Can you blame us though? Fires? Broken mirrors?” Taehyung laughed, forgetting everything that had happened between Jungkook and him.

“Why would I lie? There’s literally no reason for me to-”

“Because you forgot time and are now running late and trying to shift blame because you don’t want to get shit on for being late, again,” you offered as an explanation, falling into the same old teasing you all used to do when you were all still in high school and your biggest worries were if your mother or Jungkook was going to drive you home today and if Jungkook was going to stay at your place or if you were going to stay at his.

“I would never do that,” Jungkook argued and you rolled your eyes, exchanging a knowing glance with Taehyung. “Hey! No, don’t look at each other like that. I can see you guys.”

“Never thought or said you were blind,” Taehyung grinned and plopped a small tomato into his mouth. You hummed in agreement, grin growing bigger and brighter when you saw Jungkook scoff and shake his head at Taehyung and you.

“It’s always been you two against me,” Jungkook complained and Taehyung and you rolled your eyes simultaneously, scoffing.

“Please, if anything it was always you two,” Taehyung pointed at Jungkook and you with a piece of carrot before pointing at himself, “against me.”

“That is not true-”

“It was,” you said and locked eyes with Jungkook, nodding. “We’ve gotta admit it. We bullied Tae more than Tae and I bullied you.”

“So, you did bully me then,” Jungkook said and you rolled your eyes in faux annoyance.

“You’re focusing on the wrong thing,” Taehyung started and pointed at you, waving the piece of carrot around like it wasn’t food. “Y/N never got bullied. Only we did.”

“Oh my God, we never did bully you,” Jungkook said with a dramatic turn of his head and you scoffed, shaking your head because, oh, you did get bullied.

“Yoongs bullied me,” you corrected with a raise of your finger. “And if anyone didn’t get bullied, it was Yeri.”

“No, Yoongs bullied Yeri,” Taehyung said with his brows furrowed together and dismissed your words with a wave of his hand, after having finally eaten the piece of carrot. “You know who actually didn’t get bullied?”

“Yoongs,” Jungkook replied and all of you locked eyes, the realisation dawning on you. There was a beat of silence before you all started talking again, simultaneously.

“That bitch really bullied all of us relentlessly, but never got some of it back.”

“How did we not notice earlier?”

“Looks like we’ve got some bullying to do, huh?”

Another beat of silence followed before you locked eyes once more and all started laughing, pearls of laughter spilling from your lips, loud and beautiful.

And all of the tension and stiffness was gone, gone as you laughed your hearts out. Everything that had happened between you three was forgotten for a moment, the grudges were at the back of your minds, locked away for now, and you took it, took whatever the universe gave you that resembled normalcy. Deep down, you knew things were going to be awkward and tense once you all saw each other again, but for now, it was different, was like it used to be. 

Everything was great.

“I thought you guys would never come,” Yerim laughed, trying so hard to hide the nervosity, but you could hear it. She threw her arms around Jungkook’s neck, pulling him into a hug as he mumbled some excuse into her ear.

“Yeah, sorry.”

You watched Yerim and Heejin meet for the first time and you caught pieces of their conversation, listening to the usual spiel that consisted of ‘Oh, I’ve heard so much about you.’ and ‘It’s so nice to finally meet you’ before plopping a chip into your mouth, deeming whatever Yerim and Heejin were talking about as not interesting.

You had decided to busy yourself with the snacks in the kitchen when the bell had announced Jungkook’s and Heejin’s arrival, coming to the conclusion beforehand that if you looked busy, you didn’t have to get the door and do the obligatory greetings and hugs. With the way the door to the kitchen stood open, you could only see parts of the living room, but you had a perfect view of the front door. You, however, were somewhat hidden by one of Yerim’s plant. Essentially, you stood in the perfect spot to observe without being observed yourself.

“I thought you hated these chips.”

Your head whipped around at his voice and you realised only now he was already standing next to you, fingers grabbing the chip you had been about to eat. A gasp slipped past your lips as you watched him throw the chip into his mouth and lean against the table, shifting his whole weight onto the table.

“Yoongs!” you said, exasperated, but he didn’t care at all, grabbing a handful as he watched Yerim, Heejin and Jungkook exchange pleasantries at the front door.

“Didn’t you say the last time we hung out that these were too stale and bland in your opinion?” he asked, eyes never leaving the people at the front door, and you shrugged, plopping another stale and bland chip into your mouth.

“Opinions change.”

“That was last week.”

“Fine, so maybe they are too stale and bland in my opinion, but Yeri doesn’t have anything else,” you grumbled and threw another chip into your mouth, barely allowing yourself time to swallow and realise (again) just how horrible these chips were and why exactly you hated them.

“Shouldn’t you be saying hello right now?” you asked with a furrow of your brows and Yoongi scoffed.

“Why would I? I don’t live here. Yeri does,” Yoongi said with a scrunch of his nose. “Also, these are fucking horrible.” He looked at the chip in his hand with narrowed eyes. “God, they are stale and bland. I think these are those healthy chips or whatever.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” you said, not really caring about the chips anymore, “but you haven’t met Heejin yet.” You nodded into her direction. “You should say hello.”

“Shouldn’t we all say hello to her regardless of if we’ve met her before or not?” Yoongi asked, plopping another chip into his mouth seconds after complaining about them. “So, shouldn’t you too?”

“I- Yeah, technically, I guess. But it’s different for you,” you argued.

Yoongi scoffed and shook his head, pausing a little as he focused on Yerim, Heejin and Jungkook again before snapping out of it. 

“I tell you what,” Yoongi started before shoving a handful of chips into his mouth, chewing to the end before continuing, “you go over there and say hello and then, I’ll do the same thing.”

You stared at Yoongi, but he didn’t meet your gaze, enjoying the view of Yerim, Heejin and Jungkook in the distance instead, and you huffed before mumbling underneath your breath for him to forget it. Both of you ate chips in silence for a few more seconds before he nudged your elbow with his hand, accidentally dropping a chip when he moved a little too quickly, but he didn’t mind or care at all.

“Tae’s going in,” Yoongi informed you and at his words, you looked up to see that, yes, Taehyung was, in fact, walking up to Yerim, Heejin and Jungkook, a strained smile on his lips.

“Yeah, probably because we aren’t,” you mumbled and Yoongi hummed in agreement. “Always there to save the day.”

“Look at Yeri’s panicked smile,” Yoongi said and pointed at her, and as much as you tried not to, you laughed a little, eliciting one from him.

“We’re bad people, Yoongs,” you snorted and he shook his head at you as he watched the horror unfold in front of him. 

“They haven’t made up yet, have they?” Yoongi asked and judging from the way Taehyung and Jungkook were hugging each other (or, well, actually not hugging each other because they were doing that awkward thing Jungkook and you had done the last time you had ‘hugged’ each other, and that was definitely not a hug.), it was obvious what the answer was.

“Obviously not,” you said and reached for your glass of water to wash down the salt. “Things are better though. Last time, they were ready to jump each other’s throats.”

Yoongi snorted and it was then that you remembered and looked over to him.

“Remember how I asked you for Tae’s address? Why didn’t you tell me he was crashing at your place then?”

A smirk formed on Yoongi’s lips and you wanted nothing more than to throw your glass of water into his face. The fact that he was still not looking at you only added to your irritation and frustration with him. 

“You told me not to tell Tae and Yeri, so I didn’t.”

“Yoongi!” you growled and jabbed him in his ribs, eliciting a breath from him. “You should have told me! Do you know how weird it was when he opened the door? You’re impossible sometimes.”

You scrunched up your brows and gritted your teeth, but Yoongi just cackled next to you, obviously enjoying your misery very much.

“You know what?” you asked and put down your glass of water with a little more force than necessary. “I take it back. We aren’t bad people. You are. You’re straight up a dick.”

“Oh, I never agreed with you,” Yoongi said and you frowned at his words, not getting what he was saying. “I know that I’m a bad person, but, trust me, you’re definitely not.”

Your frown deepened and you were about to ask him what he was talking about when Yoongi finally looked at you and stopped eating the chips, letting the few pieces in his hand fall back in the bowl. He dusted off his hand and straightened up to look at you properly.

“Look around yourself, Y/N,” he said and threw his hands into the air. “We’re at a fake game night party or whatever this thing is that you forced Yeri to throw, so you could act ‘annoyed’ with Taehyung because you’re fake dating him and you’re only fake dating him because that dumbass ex of yours, who is also somehow our dear friend, Jeon fucking Jungkook, forgot to tell his current girlfriend that you dated during high school.”

You tore your gaze away and bit on your tongue, trying desperately not to squirm underneath Yoongi’s gaze.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Yoongi continued and you lowered your head, squeezing your eyes shut. “This is literally the dumbest thing ever. You’re making sure Jungkook, who, again, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, is your ex, keeps his current girlfriend because he, again, was a dumbass and forgot to tell her about you. And on top of that, he’s been acting like a complete fucking asshole to you.

“Obviously. you’re not a bad person. You’re a fucking saint for putting up with and doing all of this.”

“It’s not like that-”

“Don’t try to convince me otherwise, Y/N,” Yoongi cut in and shoved his face with chips again before regretting it immediately and scrunching up his face in disgust. You peeled your eyes open just in time to watch him drink all of your water, but this time you didn’t complain. You simply sighed and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“I hurt him-”

“And?” Yoongi argued with a groan. “Stop blaming yourself for everything. We hate it if you do that. If Yeri wasn’t so freaking weak and had stuck to our agreement, this wouldn’t be happening right now.”

You shook your head and pressed your lips together. Yoongi didn’t understand, didn’t understand just what you had done and how much you had actually hurt Jungkook. In fact, none of your friends understood, understood why it wasn’t as easy as they seemed to think it was.

They hadn’t been there when you had told Jungkook you were going, hadn’t been there to witness him crumble apart in front of, hadn’t been there as his anger took over him and consumed him whole, hadn’t been there when Jungkook’s begs for this to be a joke turned into deafening screams and ultimately into bitter words.

“Out!” 

You flinched, flinched because Jungkook had never raised his voice withyou, had never looked at you like that. There was no warmth, no light, no love swimming in his eyes. All you could find was anger and pain, and you wished you could say you weren’t the reason for all of that.

His face contorted and hardened into something unreadable, something you had never seen before, and you wanted to soothe over every line, wanted to kiss them over and over again until they were gone. Even with the anger etched onto his face, Jungkook was painfully beautiful, heartbreakingly so.

“Please. Just let me explain, babe-”

“No!” Jungkook cut in and pointed at you, finger jabbing the air like it had wronged him and not you. Your heart rang in your ears and you were almost certain he could hear it too, hear it thumping in your chest. 

“Kook, please-”

“Do not call me ‘Kook’. I��m not fucking ‘Kook’ or ‘babe’ or even fucking ‘Jungkook’ to you. You’ve got no right to call me by my name anymore!”

A new wave of tears streamed down your face at his words. They pierced through you like bullets, hitting you in rapid succession and at the end, you were laying on the floor, on the brink of death.

“You’ve decided to- decided to leave me, no, us for your stupid adventure. You’ve fucking decided to break our promise! Remember our stupid fucking promise of forever?” Jungkook pressed through gritted teeth and took a step towards you, hands waving wildly around him. “You don’t get to say my name, don’t get to act like everything’s fucking fine and I’m your ‘Kook’ or ‘babe’ or whatever the fuck you call me after breaking it!”

You hiccuped and let your head hang as the realisation dawned on you that he was gone. He had slipped out of your reach and walked, no, ran away. He had put oceans and continents between you two, and there was no more asking him to come back anymore.

You knew then, he and you were done.

More curses slipped past Jungkook’s lips, but you couldn’t hear them, couldn’t hear the accusations he threw at you. For that, your heart was breaking and sobbing far too loudly in your chest.

You weren’t sure how much time passed, how long you stood there and cried your eyes out as he paced up and down his room, but by the time, you managed to lift your head, he was sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees and hands folded together with his gaze stuck to the floor.

And you weren’t sure how much time passed, how long you stared at him until he opened his mouth again.

“I really really love you,” Jungkook mumbled through gritted teeth and you knew he wished he didn’t love you anymore.

You wanted to grab him, cup his face and whisper into his ear over and over again just how sorry you were, whisper into his ear until words stopped making sense and the stars rained from the darkened sky.

“I really do,” Jungkook scoffed, but tears spilled from his eyes, involuntarily and far too many. Too proud to cry in front of you now, Jungkook covered his face with his hand and sank his teeth into his bottom lip, but even then, he couldn’t silence the sobs and sniffs. They banged on the walls of his throat and bursted through his lips.

And you hated it, hated seeing him like this, hated seeing his entire body shake and tremble, hated seeing his face contort in pain, hated seeing the tears collect at his chin and drip to the floor, hated seeing his lips quiver uncontrollably, hated seeing him desperately try to keep it together.

You hated seeing Jungkook cry.

But he was, and all because of you.

You were to blame, to blame for the state Jungkook was in right now. You had inflicted that pain on him, had broken and shattered his heart, had made him cry.

“Please, just let me explain-”

“There’s nothing to explain, Y/N,” he said, a sob erupting from his lips again, and you shook your head, trying so desperately to say something, but your tongue was tied into a messy knot. You wanted to tell him that there was so much you wanted to say, so much that needed to be explained, but you couldn’t bring yourself to, couldn’t bring yourself to form the words necessary.

Slowly, Jungkook looked up to you, hand falling into his lap, and when your eyes met his, your heart raptured in your chest. His features were twisted in pain and agony as the tears scared his beautiful face.

“You’re leaving.” Jungkook whispered it into the silence like you didn’t know. 

“You’re leaving me.”

You closed your eyes at his words, shaking your head like you were about to disagree, but you couldn’t, couldn’t even bring yourself to make a single sound. 

The anger in Jungkook’s voice had dissipated into the air and been replaced by disappointment and hurt. And if you had to say which one was worse, Jungkook screaming at you or Jungkook simply looking at you with tears streaming down his face, you would choose the latter every fucking day.

Because without the anger and the screams to numb you, to silence your thoughts and mind, it was obvious, glaringly obvious. 

You had broken Jungkook.

“I hope you’re happy,” Jungkook continued, voice cracking in the worst way possible, and a deaf man could have heard that he was lying, could have heard the bitterness swinging in his words.

“I hope you’re happy knowing you’ve hurt me.”

“You don’t get it, Yoongs,” you mumbled quietly to yourself before looking at your hands. “None of you do.”

You had always preferred game night over film night. You just always thought that it was so much more fun to play games than to sit in darkness and watch some film half of you didn’t watch anyway or had already watched. Your competitiveness and need to win certainly played into your preference of game night over film night. But right now, you would choose film night over game night any day, would never have another game night ever again if that meant you could switch to having a film night now instead.

You really had no idea what Yerim had been thinking when she had decided to draw lots to determine the teams. 

“So, we need a total of seven points to beat them, right? Both rounds?” Heejin asked you and you nodded, your heart racing more and more as you waited for the game to begin.

2 rounds of Taboo. 90 seconds to get through as many words as possible.

“You sure you don’t wanna be the one explaining? I’m sure you’re better at this than I am,” you said and Heejin shook her head at you.

“Trust me, I’m definitely worse than you,” she smiled. “If we wanna win, it’s best if Kook and you do the explaining.”

“Are you ready, Y/N?” Yerim asked you, her finger hovering above the start button, and you turned around to her before nodding. It was a complete lie, you weren’t ready, but you didn’t think you were ever going to be. 

You always got nervous right before you started playing a game, but this time, it was different, different because it mattered so much more if you won or not. Never had you wanted to win more, and the thought of possibly losing had your stomach churning. You couldn’t disappoint, disappoint him because you knew that he was just as competitive as you, if not more so.

“Go!”

You picked up the first card and scanned it.

Tattoos

Ink

Permanent

Skin

“Okay, uh,” you turned around and looked at Heejin and Jungkook, “they are like paintings or sketches.”

“Black and white paintings?” Heejin guessed and you shook your head, biting your lip as you thought of something else to say.

“Uh,” you tucked a strand behind your ear before looking at him, “ you always said you wanted them and they can be in any colour.”

“You always said you wanted them and they can be in any colour‘? What is she talking about?” Taehyung laughed at your poor attempt at describing the word ‘Tattoos’ and you started to panic even more.

“Stop guessing. You’re not on her team,” Yoongi said with a slap to his arm and Taehyung simply dismissed him with a wave of his hand, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Once you get them, they’re forever.”

“Jesus, Y/N, did you get worse at this?” Taehyung laughed and you could hear Yerim’s laugh mix with his. You couldn’t blame them though because you were really struggling to come up with a way to explain ‘Tattoos’.

“Why is Y/N describing and not Kook? Wasn’t he always better at this than her?” Yerim asked and you regretted not putting up more of a fight when Heejin had told Jungkook and you to do the explaining. 

You had always been better at guessing and Jungkook had always been the one better at explaining. You had your roles, but with Heejin on your team now and refusing to do the explaining, you had to step up.

“You got into this huge fight with your parents once because they didn’t like them- oh, you’ve got some now on your freaking hand!”

“Tattoos!” Jungkook exclaimed and you let out a squeal. A smile flashed across your lips before you nodded at him and picked up the next card, the previous card landing on the floor.

Valentine

 February 14

Red

Love 

“45 Seconds,” Yerim said and you turned to Heejin and Jungkook with wide eyes, quickly starting to explain.

“Okay, uh,” you said and tucked a strand behind your ear, brain trying to come up with a way to word this correctly. “It’s a holiday at the start of the year.”

“New Years?” Heejin said and you shook your head at her.

“Later.”

“What holiday is at the start of the year but not New Years?” Taehyung asked and once again, Yoongi slapped his arm, telling him not to guess.

“Easter?” Heejin said and you shook your head.

“30 Seconds,” Yerim interjected and you wanted to curse at her because this was really stressing you out.

“Fuck, uh,” you turned to Jungkook. “We always made fun of it because we thought it was just so commercialised.” You gestured wildly around yourself. “It’s for couples-”

“Oh, Valentine! February 14th-”

You cheered once more before picking up the next card, letting the other one fall to the floor once more.

Harry Potter

Film

Scar

Magic

“Uh, this is easy” you mumbled. “It’s a fictional character.”

“Sherlock Holmes? Iron Man?”

“No, let me finish first,” you shot back with urgency in your voice. “ He’s really famous-”

“Iron Man!”

“No, God, just let me finish!” you groaned and Jungkook sat back down a little more, lips pressing together to let you talk. Heejin smiled next to him and placed her hand on his knee, trying to calm him, but Jungkook had his eyes fixed on you, desperately trying to get that win.

“15 Seconds,” Yerim smiled, definitely enjoying the distress in your eyes far too much.

“Okay, uh, we can get this one,” you said, stumbling over your own words. 

“You can do, like, quizzes.”  You looked at Jungkook once more. “We did them too!” You gestured between him and you. “You got really pressed because you got Hufflepuff, but you wanted-”

“Oh, Harry Potter,” Jungkook said and snapped his fingers.

“Time’s up!” Yerim said and you dropped the card in your hand.

“Three points, right?” Heejin counted on her fingers and turned to Jungkook and you. 

You let out a long sigh, feeling the stress wash out of you a little because now, you got to do the part you were actually good at, guessing.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nodded as he got up and stretched, preparing himself for the next 90 seconds. “So, four points.”

You walked past Jungkook, slumping into the seat he had just sat in. Your heart was still beating way too fast and the adrenaline was pumping through your veins like a bullet train.

“We can do this, right?” Jungkook asked and turned back around, standing in the middle of the room. When you realised he was looking at you, talking to you, you could feel the heat creep up your neck. “You know, like we used to?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you muttered, far too embarrassed to respond properly. He blinked at you before nodding and walking up to Yerim, who was shuffling the cards.

“‘Like we used to’?” Heejin asked and turned to you with a furrow of her brows. You cursed Jungkook and slowly nodded.

“Yeah, uh, he and I were kinda always a team when we played Taboo,” you said before cleaning your throat and avoiding Heejin’s gaze as much as you could.

“Dream team,” Taehyung interjected and you rolled your eyes at him, leaning towards Heejin a little too slap his shoulder.

“‘Dream team’?” Heejin asked, but before you could answer, Yerim, thankfully, interrupted.

“Next round!” she announced and turned to Jungkook, nodding at him when he did. “Go.”

Immediately, Jungkook picked up a card and you turned around again, putting all of your focus on him and winning.

“So, this is something I want but it’s not a thing or object. It’s, like, alive.”

“Dog?” you started and he quickly shook his head. 

“Cat?” Heejin tried and before Jungkook could shake his head, you interrupted.

“No, he wants a dog, not a cat,” you mumbled, brows furrowing together as you thought about Jungkook’s words, trying to figure out what he was talking about until you got it. “Oh, a family!”

“Yes!” Jungkook grinned and gestured for you to think further. “Right, but that’s not it. When you have a family, you have-” 

“Kids?” You quirked a brow at him and Jungkook nodded.

“Okay, right, another word for kids is-?”

“Children!”

“Yes!” Jungkook cheered and grinned at you before throwing the card away and grabbing a new one. He read it and nodded to himself.

“It’s once a year, but not a holiday.”

“Not a holiday?” Yoongi mumbled quietly to himself even though he had told Taehyung not to guess.

“Say more,” you told him and Jungkook sighed, wrecking his brain before pointing at you.

“It’s your favourite day of the year and- You get a bunch of presents and, oh! We threw you a surprise-”

“Surprise party?”

“Yeah, but why did we-”

“My birthday! Is it birthday?”

Jungkook beamed at you and you mirrored him, beaming right back. Your heart was pounding in your chest, but now, it was out of excitement. You could practically taste the win on the tip of your tongue. 

“Okay, uh, this is hard,” Jungkook sighed after picking up the next card. He frowned before looking up. “It’s something you can eat.”

“Food.”

“Yeah, but that’s only the second word,” he said and gestured for you to think further again. “Like, ice cream-”

“Ice cream food? Food ice cream? Ice food cream?” you blurted all out, screaming one word after another, and Jungkook frowned at you.

“‘Ice food cream’? Maybe you’re not that good at guessing,” Jungkook laughed with a shake of your head, and you rolled your eyes at him, mumbling underneath your breath that it had been a long time, but your words fell on deaf ears. “No, it’s not ice food cream. It’s something you shouldn’t eat much of.”

“Sugar?” you guessed, but Jungkook shook his head at you.

“45 seconds,” Yerim said and Jungkook and you looked at each other, eyes wide. The need to win sparkled in both of your eyes and quickly, panic rushed through you, replacing the excitement.

“Say more-”

“There isn’t more. You’ve just gotta think- food is the second word!”

“But what about ice cream? Why did you-”

“Ice cream is-”

“Cold?”

Jungkook groaned, “No, I don’t mean cold.”

His brows furrowed together as he wrecked his brain before he thought of something and pointed at you again. “Okay, uh, we used to go to this one place all the time! Remember our midnight dinners? And the category of food that they sell is what we’re looking for.”

“Oh! McDonalds!” You snapped your fingers. “Junk Food!”

When Jungkook nodded at you, you squealed, watching him turn around and pick up the next card.

“If they get this next point, they won, right?” Yoongi asked Taehyung, but you answered.

“Yeah, we beat you then, losers,” you grinned and Jungkook laughed at your words before he turned to the card in his hand, scanning it.

“They’re really good at this, aren’t they?” Heejin asked Taehyung and leaned into him to make sure neither Jungkook nor you could hear her. Not that you two would have anyway, far too focused on the game at hand to pay her any attention, completely forgetting that she was on your team too.

“Yeah, both are incredibly competitive, so they work well together. Like, they practically always know what the other is thinking,” Taehyung mumbled as he watched you shuffle in your seat, not noticing the way Heejin looked at him at all.

You raised your brows when you saw Jungkook freeze up upon reading the card. His jaw didn’t go slack nor did his eyes go wide, but you could see, could see right away that something was wrong.

“Uh? What’s wrong?” you started, but even then Jungkook didn’t look up, eyes fixed on the card in front of him. Slowly, the others seemed to notice too, heads turning to see a frozen Jungkook. 

“20 Seconds.”

You exchanged a glance with Taehyung, but he shrugged at you, and so, you looked at Yerim for some help as she stood right next to Jungkook. She squinted as she tried to read the card herself.

“Oh, shit,” she blurted out and pressed her hand on her mouth when she realised that she had spoken without meaning to. She looked at Jungkook, mouth opening as she struggled to decide to say something or not, but then he snapped out of it.

Jungkook glanced at Yerim’s phone in her hand and looked up to you, eyes locking with yours like before, but this time, it was different. You immediately felt that there was a shift and you had a feeling that it was bad.

“It’s, like, a place you could say.” Jungkook’s voice quivered the tiniest bit, but you noticed immediately. You raised your brows and leaned even more forward, as if you could coax the word out of Jungkook that way.

“Really big,” he continued and looked at you like you should know what he was talking about now. When you furrowed your brows at you, he sighed, “You were there for the past four years.”

“Oh.”

Your entire face dropped as the realisation dawned on you and you sat back. You felt Taehyung eyeing you with worry etched onto his face, about to say something, but Yoongi put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Only Heejin was more lost than ever, but you paid no one any attention, far too shocked to say anything. 

All of the memories, all of the memories connected to America and all of the pain it had caused not only you but Jungkook when you had left to go there, hit you so hard you feared whiplash. 

“5.”

You tried to say something, tried to give the answer because you knew it and you really didn’t want to lose, but somehow you just couldn’t. Your voice was gone, had disappeared. The word didn't hurt you, but you knew it hurt him, and that was one thing you didn’t want to do ever again.

“4.”

Jungkook and you kept eye contact as Yerim counted the seconds and you watched his brows furrow together and his lips press together in a thin line. He was debating internally, trying to figure out what he wanted, if the win was worth it, worth the memories and pain.

“3.”

Your eyes were fixed on him and when you saw Jungkook sigh a little and nod at you, you knew right away what he was telling you.

“2.”

You nodded at him too.

“America-”

“1.”

And even though Jungkook had told you to say it, the guilt still bubbled up and formed icicles in your lungs, piercing tiny holes in them, and you could feel the blood slowly filter in, suffocating you.

Jungkook and you kept staring at each other, and you should look away because there was no reason for both of you to be still looking at each other, but you couldn’t. 

“Does it still count?” Heejin asked, breaking the silence, and looked at Yerim.

Yerim’s eyes were trained on Jungkook and you, and only when you two tore your gazes away and looked at her, did she speak up. 

“Yeah, it counts.”

Jungkook and you whipped your heads around, looking at each other with big eyes. For a second, both of you didn’t know how to react, but then, the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile. Your lips split apart into a big grin and squeals and cheers escaped you two. You jumped up and Jungkook ran towards you, hands held up for high-fives. You reciprocated it and both of you beamed at each other.

“We won!” 

Jungkook laughed at your words and nodded, eyes softening as he watched the joy spread on your face.

“Yeah, we did.”

His words were soft, incredibly soft. A whispered secret almost. 

“Yeah, we did,” Jungkook repeated with a nod and a smile. “We did.”

You looked at Jungkook and even though you should look away again, you couldn’t. You two were locked into each other’s eyes, locked into each other’s eyes like it was just Jungkook and you in this room, in this world, in this universe, like you were falling in love with one another all over again.

And for a moment, it truly felt like that, felt like it was just him and you in this room, in this world, in this universe.

But then, his gaze flickered to Heejin.

Your eyes grew wide at the same time and your smiles almost slipped off your faces before you both turned to Heejin and let out another round of cheers and squeals.

“We won, Heejin!” Jungkook said and you held up your hand for a high-five. She blinked at both of you and you thought she was going to ask you two what the fuck that just was, confront you on forgetting her for the second half of the game, but then a smile split apart on her face.

“Yeah, isn’t that great?” she smiled and gave you a high-five.

After another round of Taboo and a few rounds of Charades and Pictionary (which you all won), you were exhausted, definitely spread thin. The adrenaline got to you, but so did actively avoiding your friends’ stares and trying not to get too swept up in the games and forgetting about Heejin again. So, when no one paid attention to you, busy with cleaning up and preparing for the next game, Werewolf, you snuck away.

“Best part of Yeri’s tiny flat, isn’t it?”

You didn’t turn around at Yoongi’s voice.

“Truly is.”

Yerim had a tiny flat, but she had a balcony. It was tucked behind the kitchen and, you had almost not seen it when you had walked in and looked for some peace and quiet. Yerim’s fridge blocked the glass door a little because, after all, the flat was tiny and so was the kitchen. 

The railing of the small balcony was lined with flowers, flowers that Yerim had texted you far too much about, flowers that had gone from blooming to dying to almost blooming to what they are now, almost dying.

Yerim had sent you pictures of the view when she had first moved in, but standing on here yourself was different. Truth be told, the view wasn’t the best, wasn’t breathtaking, nothing compared to the view you had gotten to enjoy at the restaurant, but it was enough to ground you, calm you down and give you the sense of peace and quiet you had looked for.

“You okay?”

You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at Yoongi, offering him a smile as you nodded.

“Yeah,” you said.

“That’s nice,” he hummed before leaning against the railing with his arms, careful not to hurt the flowers. “You sure, though?”

Yoongi peered up at you and you thought about his words for a moment. You had truly thought that this would be worse, that it would be awkward and weird as hell, but you had to say it wasn’t. When Jungkook turned out to be your partner (You had Yerim to thank for that. How was drawing lots to determine the teams a good idea?), you had truly thought that things were only going to go down from there. To your surprise, they didn’t.

There had been some tension between Jungkook and you, but the moment you picked up the first card and desperately tried to explain ‘Tattoos’ to him, both of you completely forgot about it, and instead worked together to win.

So, with a smile, you mirrored Yoongi’s stance, resting your elbows on the railing like him and leaning forward before letting your cheek fall into your open palm and turning to him.

“Yes, I’m sure, Yoongs,” you said. “Thanks for asking.”

Yoongi blinked at you before chuckling quietly to himself and turning his head away, eyes watching the sun dip below the horizon.

“How are you though? You okay?” you asked and watched as Yoongi let out a long and heavy sigh, eyes staying on the horizon.

“I hate this. So, wouldn’t say I’m okay.”

“You do? Sure you’re not hating this because you’re losing constantly?” you teased.

“Yes, Y/N, I do and, yes, I’m sure it’s not because I’m constantly losing. I’m not Kook or you. I don’t need to win. I don’t care that much,” Yoongi said with a roll of his eyes and another sigh. “You realise how dumb all of this is, right?”

You looked at Yoongi, raising your brows at him.

“We’re only doing this so you can act annoyed with Tae and then you two can break up or whatever, right?” he asked you and you nodded. “And that’s what’s dumb about this.”

You tilted your head at him, eyes narrowing as you tried to figure out what exactly he thought was dumb about your plan.

Yoongi sighed once more. “You realise you don’t owe Heejil, or whatever her name is, an explanation, right? Fucking just text her that you’re broken up. Or, you know, better yet, don’t tell her because, again, you don’t owe her anything. She isn’t a friend of ours. She’s just the girl your ex and our dumbass friend is dating.” 

The annoyance was dripping from his voice as you continued staring at him. “Or, like, make up some story and the next time she sees you, just tell her that. You think she’s really gonna question that? She doesn’t know when you or Tae are lying.”

You blinked at Yoongi because how had none of you thought of that before? He was right. You didn’t owe Heejin any sort of explanation, but here you were, meeting up to put on a whole show (that you didn’t even put on) to give her some sort of explanation.

Yoongi seemed to be able to hear his words click in your mind because he scoffed at you. “You guys are fucking dumbasses.”

Now, you scoffed too, scoffed at yourself because, once again, Yoongi was right. You were dumbasses and you couldn’t believe neither Taehyung nor Jungkook nor you thought of this.

“Shit.”

Yoongi chuckled and shook his head at you, the corners of his lips turned downwards.

“Yeah, shit.”

You pressed your lips together as you let Yoongi’s words fully sink in with you, dawn on you and float away.

“Hey, guys.”

Yoongi and you turned around at Yerim’s voice, straightening up in an instant. You watched her slide the glass door open, a bowl of chips pressed to her chest as she stepped out.

“What are you two doing out here?” she asked with a tilt of her head.

“Oh, we-”

“Hiding,” Yoongi stated like it wouldn’t get you two in trouble and you whipped your head around to him, hand hitting his arm as you fixed him with a glare.

“Yoongs,” you growled, but he just laughed a little and rolled his eyes at you.

“Hiding?” Yerim questioned with a raise of her brows and tapped her foot like a mother about to scold her children.

“Yeah, hiding,” Yoongi continued and gripped the railing behind him, leaning against it. “We didn’t want to subject ourselves to that bullshit out there any longer. It’s really weird out there.”

“Yoongs, don’t say that. Yeri put effort into today. It’s not that weird-”

“Nope, Yoongs is right,” Yerim sighed and uncrossed her arms, tension washing out of her in an instant. She took a handful of chips and shoved them into her mouth, and as she chewed, a pout formed on her lips. “It’s weird as fuck outside. I don’t know what we’re doing really. Like, we’re playing games and everything and I guess it’s fun or whatever, but something’s just kinda off.”

Yerim shook her head and Yoongi grabbed a couple of chips as he chuckled at her words.

“Told you,” he said and you shoved him away when he grinned into your face, not appreciating the smugness. 

“I mean,” Yerim started again before eating another handful of the chips, “you’re right. Heejin’s nice, but I honestly think she makes things weird-”

“You think it’s Heejin?” Yoongi laughed with a shake of his head before pointing at you. “It’s Y/N and Kook. They’re the ones making it weird.”

“Excuse you? How am I making it weird?” you asked with big eyes, swatting Yoongi’s hand away,

“Please,” Yoongi scoffed with a raise of his brow. “How are you not making it weird? Kook and you are totally in your own world. It’s like you two are dating again, and we’re all, like, six wheeling.”

You scoffed and stared at Yoongi with your jaw open. Your hands balled up into fists at your side and you shook your head at him.

“Bullshit,” you said. “It’s not like that at all.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” Yoongi said, enjoying the way you got all worked up. And before you could stop him, he had placed his hand against your forehead. “Woah, your face’s literally heating up.”

You shoved his hand away, lips pressing together into a line as you shook your head at him and waved him off.

“Bullshit,” you pressed through gritted teeth. “It’s just the sun. It’s summer. It’s hot.”

“Yeah, sure,” Yoongi scoffed at your reasoning, and you were about to curse at him when you realised that you getting worked up was exactly what he wanted.

You turned to Yerim for backup, but she simply stared into her bowl of chips and shoved her face with it, actively avoiding your gaze. A scoff slipped past your lips and you mumbled curses aimed at Yoongi underneath your breath, deliberately ignoring the fact that it was definitely not hot enough today for your face to warm up like that.

Yoongi was ridiculous, definitely ridiculous. Jungkook and you just get carried away when you play games. You were competitive, nothing more. 

Your heart definitely only beat so hard and fast in your chest because the adrenaline was pumping through your veins, and you were only so incredibly happy about winning a stupid game of Taboo because it had been a long time since you had played against your friends, making the wins even sweeter.

It was nothing, nothing like Yoongi had said.

Jungkook and you were acting nothing like you two used to when you dated.

“Uh.”

All three of you looked up at the interruption, and your breath hitched in your throat when you saw him. He stood there, gripping the handle of the glass door as he awkwardly shifted from one foot to another. A tiny smile pulled on the corners of his lips while he looked between Yerim and Yoongi, but not you.

“Hey, Kook,” Yerim said and did this terribly awkward dance with Jungkook as she tried to step away and make some space for him, but there was none left, and you couldn’t help but laugh a little. The fact that you were upset just seconds ago was completely forgotten.

“Sorry,” you mumbled between laughs when Yerim turned around to glare at you, and you had to bite your lip to hide the grin that tugged on the corners of your lips. 

Yoongi eyed you with narrowed eyes before he shook his head and sighed. He kicked himself off the railing, and his hand landed on Yerim’s shoulder, stopping her from continuing this terrible dance with Jungkook and drawing her attention to him.

“Yeri, didn’t you want to show me this one thing that you got recently?” 

“What?” Yerim furrowed her brows at him and it took Yoongi raising his brow at her for her to get it. An uneasy and tense smile stretched across her lips before she nodded her head, far too vigorously. 

“Ah, yes, right. That, uh, thing. I- I remember. Let’s check it out, yeah?” Yerim laughed, and you frowned at her words, not believing her even for a second.

Your gaze drilled into Yoongi to ask him what the hell he was thinking he was doing, but he was avoiding your gaze expertly. And when you looked over to Yerim, she had essentially buried her face into the bowl of chips, and you wanted to throw it over your shoulder and demand her to look at you. 

Without really meaning to, your gaze travelled to Jungkook. When you looked at him, his eyes were already on you. His expression was unreadable and you didn’t know what he was thinking, but you knew that it was a bad idea for Yerim and Yoongi to leave you alone with him, knew that you didn’t want them to walk away. Because what were Jungkook and you? Back to being friends? Was it okay to laugh and tease each other now? Or was Jungkook still mad at you?

But before you could say something, Yerim and Yoongi had walked away, had left you standing alone on the balcony with Jungkook right in front of you.

He didn’t step out, didn’t join you on the balcony, and instead chose to stand at the glass door with his hand still gripping the handle. It was like he was ready to slam the door shut and walk away if things started to get a little too much for him, if this conversation didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to.

And you gnawed on your lip as he stared at you, stared at you like he had done before when you two had won your first round of Taboo. Just before the silence got too unbearable to handle and the tension too thick for you to breathe in, Jungkook opened his mouth.

“I missed you.”

Your heart stopped in your chest, stopped in your chest like maybe if it stopped, time would stop and you would get to enjoy the moment a little longer. You had no idea how long you simply blinked at Jungkook, but by the time you finally managed to get your thoughts together and properly look at him, he was shifting from one foot to another with his knuckles white around the grip of the glass door and his eyes dancing around, looking at everything except you.

“What?”

When Jungkook spoke up again, there was the slightest quiver in his voice. The slightest quiver that told you just how nervous and uncertain he was, how much he feared you laughing into his face.

“I meant it when I said it. I missed you.”

It didn’t sound like a joke, didn’t sound like he was messing with you at all, but it still took your brain seemingly forever to comprehend his words, to realise that he was completely and utterly serious.

“You did?” you asked in a whisper and Jungkook’s gaze found the floor, a breathy chuckle escaping him before he nodded.

“Yeah, I did.”

You blinked at him before your lips curled up into the softest smile.

“I did too.”

Jungkook raised his head and looked at you, and you watched the corners of his lips curl up into the most beautiful and dazzling smile. This time when he smiled at you, it was nothing like the smile he had given you when you had sat in his living room or when you had both realised you had won. No, this smile was different. It was the smile you had dreamt of every night, was the smile you had remembered every morning, was the smile you had longed to see on his lips again ever since you had first seen it.

It was the smile Jungkook showed you when he had whispered the three words for the first time, 

“I love you.”

And so, your heart surged in your chest, rose above and beyond, reached the sky and the stars, touched the sun and moon, and when she fell back down, she didn’t land in your hands. No, she landed in his hands.

“I missed having you around, you know,” Jungkook started, voice still quivering as he spoke. “I missed being able to call you up or text you and talk about everything and anything until we both just fell asleep. I missed showing up at your doorstep and going out for our midnight dinners with you. I missed laughing at other couples for stressing over Valentine before going out ourselves and being one of those stupid cheesy couples we made fun of.

“I missed having my best friend around.”

Jungkook stepped out on the balcony and closed the glass door behind him, hands at his side. There was a heavy sigh, and instantly, you knew. Slowly, his gaze met yours and he stared into your eyes with that look, that look that broke you.

“Why did you have to leave me?”

You sank your teeth into your lip and wrung your hands together, chest rising and falling far too quickly as you ran out of breath simply thinking of the answer. There was so much weighing on you, so many things you wanted to say, but couldn’t say, couldn’t because you couldn’t handle it, not even years later.

“You know why,” you breathed out, eyes searching the floor for words, for words that would escape you.

“Please, tell me again,” Jungkook asked and you wanted to ask him why he wanted to know, why he so desperately wanted to bring it all up again when he and you had done such a good job tiptoeing around it before.

“I-” You shook your head at yourself and you thought that maybe Jungkook would interrupt you and tell you he had changed his mind and didn’t want to hear it again if you paused, but his silence demanded for an answer. 

So, you gave him one, one that was worded badly and didn’t even begin to explain why you left, but it was an answer, the most you could do right now.

“I- it was my dream,” you managed to croak out and you expected a scoff, but Jungkook simply looked at you, waiting for you to continue. “It was my dream to study in America. So, I did it. I- I fulfilled my dream.”

The quietest sigh escaped Jungkook and even though you could barely hear it, you felt your heart tumble in his hands at the sound of, felt her start to slip through his fingers.

“Have I ever told you what my dream was?”

You looked up at his question  and shook your head, unable to make a single sound, not to mention say something.

Jungkook smiled to himself before he wandered over to you, feet stopping right where Yoongi had stood, next to you. And once again, you noticed the gap, the gap between him and you, the gap that seemed to never really close.

“I’ve had it since the start of high school, but unlike you, I didn’t fulfill it,” Jungkook started, eyes gazing into the sky. “I still want it and I do think I’m gonna fulfill it one day, but I don’t think I’m gonna do it the way I thought I would.”

Jungkook shook his head and you were really not sure how to process his words, or what he was trying to tell you. 

“It’s stupid and childish, I guess, but I really thought I would fulfill it, fulfill it the way I had dreamt of.” Jungkook laughed to himself before he fell quiet again.

Slowly, he turned to you, eyes glazing over as he looked at you, looked at you with his incredibly beautiful eyes. You could see the warmth, the light, the love in them, but there seemed to be something else swimming in his pupils, and you hated it when you realised what it was. 

Sadness.

You bit on your tongue as you watched the wind blow through Jungkook’s fluffy hair and mess it all up, and even then, Jungkook was still breathtakingly gorgeous. And with the sun going down behind you, the most beautiful and heartbreaking halo was cast upon him, surrounding him, hugging him.

“You were my dream, Y/N.”

Your heart didn’t fall to the ground and shatter into pieces because she tumbled too much in Jungkook’s hands. She fell to the ground and shattered into pieces because Jungkook didn’t hold on tight enough, because he couldn’t hold on tight enough.

“You and me, forever. Together. A house, a kid or two, maybe a dog. Really, anything you wanted. That was my dream,” Jungkook whispered, words slipping off his tongue quietly and slowly, like it was a secret, a secret meant to be only shared between him and you.

The corners of Jungkook’s lips curled up into the saddest smile you had ever seen when he continued, “I thought we were going to be together and grow old. I truly thought one day I would get the pleasure and honour of watching you walk down the aisle.”

Jungkook raised his hand and for a moment, it seemed like he was going to cup your face, seemed like he was going to stroke your cheek, but then, he hesitated. It was like he remembered, remembered then that you were not like that anymore, were not dating anymore.

And so, Jungkook shook his head at himself and curled his hand into a tight fist, knuckles turning a painful white before he let his hand drop and swing by his side. It was like if he didn’t curl his hand into a tight enough fist, he would lose and cup your face, stroke your cheek anyway.

“I really thought you were my dream.”

There was no malice in Jungkook’s voice as he spoke. He wasn’t trying to make you feel bad or trying to hurt you. He was simply trying to be truthful, but the truth was ugly and terrible and neither of you liked it very much. But at least, the truth didn’t hurt Jungkook, it only hurt you, only stabbed you in the chest and asked you where your goddamn heart was, only cursed at you for leaving Jungkook, the one boy who had loved you more than anything else in this world.

“Do you regret it?”

You hated that question, hated it so much because, fuck, you didn’t know. You didn’t know if you regretted it, if you regretted leaving Jungkook. You regretted that he and you broke up, regretted the way you two broke up, but did that mean you automatically regretted going to America? Did that mean that going to America was the wrong choice? 

And even though you asked yourself these questions, you didn’t want the answers, didn’t want to know them because, fuck, you were afraid of them, afraid to realise that you regretted both and you had fucked up your chance of true and lasting love with Jungkook and spent all of this time, all these years in a foreign country without your friends and family for nothing.

You lowered your head and squeezed your eyes shut, trying to keep your skull together as it threatened to split open.

In the silence, Jungkook’s steps were loud, ringing in your ears, deafening. And you contorted your face and bit on your lip when you heard Jungkook slide the glass door open, a heavy sigh slipping from his lips before he spoke up, mustering up the best smile he could,

“We’re still gonna bully Yoongs for bullying us, right?”

You chuckled because how could you not? Of course, Jungkook could still make you laugh. It was a sad chuckle, but it was a chuckle no one else could have ever elicited from you.

You lifted your head  and peered at Jungkook over your shoulder, peered at him even though it hurt you to. He was just too beautiful to not look at.

“Yeah, we’ll still bully Yoongs for bullying us.”

You almost didn’t see the way the corners of Jungkook’s lips curled up into something that resembled a smile, almost didn’t see it with the tears swimming in your eyes, blurring your vision.

“Amazing.”

Jungkook nodded at you, fingers tapping the glass door before he turned around and walked away. And even though you shouldn’t, you watched him, watched him slip away more and more, watched him walk away from you.

You turned back around and only realised then that the sun had almost completely dipped below the horizon. The sky was painted an incredibly mellow and sorrowful orange, and even with your heart shattered on the floor and guilt leaving gaping holes in your chest, you had to smile.

And with that smile on your lips, the tears rolled down your cheeks, sparkling in the sunlight as you let them flow, flow because you didn’t see a reason to wipe them away. Sometimes it was good to just cry, let yourself feel.

“Tell me you’re not crying.”

His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but you heard them. You pressed your lips together at his words because, of course, he would also come out to talk to you. You really should have expected it, should have expected it because he was simply that great.

“Well, guess you gotta give me a second then,” you said and rubbed on your cheeks, quickly wiping away the tears you knew were going to have his blood boiling and anger unfurling in his stomach.

“Y/N,” Taehyung sighed as he stepped out on the balcony, glass door clicking shut behind you as his hand gripped your elbow and turned you around. 

“What did he say?” You shook your head, smiling at him as much as possible, but your smile did nothing to soothe the deep line between Taehyung’s brow, did nothing to loosen the grip he had around your elbow.

“Tell me. I don’t care if he’s my friend, he’s-”

“No, stop,” you interrupted with a shake of your head and placed your hands on his shoulder, lips splitting into a grin because truly, Taehyung was the greatest, the greatest friend you could have ever wished or asked for. “It’s nothing. He didn’t say anything.”

You knew with the way Taehyung was eyeing you that he didn’t believe you, didn’t believe you for a single second, but you also knew that you could spend hours trying to convince him otherwise and he still wouldn’t believe you.

“You sure you don’t need me to beat him up a little?”

You laughed. “You think you can beat him up?”

Taehyung scoffed at your words and tried his hardest to look offended, but even he had to smile a little. 

“I’d try for you,” he said and you laughed again, shaking your head from left to right. The thought of a beaten up Taehyung popping right into your head.

“Let’s be honest here, he would just beat you up. No offence.”

Now, Taehyung laughed as well, laughed because he knew you were right. And for a moment, both of you only smiled at each other. For a moment, things seemed great and like he wouldn’t bring it up again that you had just been crying.

But just like a wise man once had said, great things always have to come to an end. 

“You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

Taehyung’s smile disappeared and your hands slid off his shoulder. You sighed, knowing exactly what he was talking about even though he didn’t specify. 

You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths before humming and peeling your eyes open, head cocking to the side.

“Well, I also shouldn’t stay up so late and get more sleep, but here I am.” Your attempt of humour wasn’t well received at all. Taehyung didn’t even fake a smile at you, and you quickly let yours slip away, realising the weight of the situation and just how serious he was.

“Y/N, I mean it. You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Taehyung said, stressing every word of his last sentence like he wanted to drill it into your head, like he wanted for you to remember it, like he wanted to tattoo it into your skin so you would never forget. 

“It’s not that easy,” you said in a quiet whisper and Taehyung pursed his lips, hands burying into his pockets as he suppressed the sigh from slipping.

“But it’s not like you try either, right? Not like you try to free yourself from all of that guilt,” Taehyung argued and you almost groaned because, once again, he showed you that he had no idea.

“Taehyung, it’s really not that easy. I can’t just wake up and say ‘Well, it’s his fault that he got hurt-’”

“That’s not what I’m asking from you. Yes, you can’t wake up and say that, but you can wake up and say ‘It sucks that Jungkook got hurt by me leaving and was unable to properly forgive me for not telling him earlier, but aside from that I didn’t do anything wrong because I simply chased my dream.’. I’m not asking you to wake up and be all ‘Jungkook can suck a dick.’. That’d be ridiculous, but I’m asking you to stop blaming yourself.”

You tore your gaze away and crossed your arms in front of your chest as you suddenly realised how mesmerising Yerim’s flowers were.

“It’s trying, trying to feel less guilty. That’s what I’m asking from you. And I realise it’s a process, but for the love of God, can you start it?” Taehyung said and tried to get you to look at him again, but you whipped your head around. 

“None of you understand,” you whispered and Taehyung scoffed, hands running through his hair as he tried not to snap.

“But we do!” Taehyung groaned and you turned around to look at him, ready to shut him up and tell him how exactly he was wrong, but he continued, “You seriously think that Yoongs or Yeri or I weren’t hurt by the news of you leaving? You seriously think that we weren’t mad too? You seriously think it was easy for us to go to the airport and wish you well? No!”

Taehyung gestured wildly around himself, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, as he tried not to shake you and yell into your face to wake the fuck up.

“It wasn’t. It sucked because while, yes, none of us dated you, we still loved you,” Taehyung said, leaning forward to stress his words. “We were hanging out every day for four years, spending every minute together, and then suddenly, at the start of our last summer, you tell us you’re going to America?”

You swallowed heavily and bit on your tongue.

“It wasn’t easy and it fucking sucked, but we still wanted the best for you, still wanted you to go because we knew just how much you wanted to and how much you had worked for it. You deserved it, truly,” Taehyung said, voice growing soft as he calmed down a little. 

“It was why we did go to the airport with you and wished you well,” Taehyung spat out and for a moment, he stopped, paused and put his hands on his hips, eyes piercing through yours as you struggled to hold his gaze.

“Do you realise that you haven’t said his name?”

You blinked at Taehyung, unable to say anything as a lump lodged itself into your throat, growing bigger and bigger with every word that left him.

“I don’t think you’ve said ‘Jungkook’ or ‘Kook’ even once except for that time when we first saw Kook in the restaurant,” Taehyung said and you really thought he wouldn’t realise. “You feel so guilty you can’t even say his name. It’s fucking ridiculous.”

You uncrossed your arms and let them slip to your side, eyes darting across the floor as you tried to find your words, but you couldn’t.

“And what hurts and frustrates me the most aside from the fact that you will not recognise that your guilt is, in fact, ridiculous, is that Kook treats you like shit. And he’s so rude to you even though you go out of your way to fucking dice his cucumbers, even though you and I are fake dating for him, even though you organised this entire thing to break up with me so Heejin will never find out that all of this is a lie and you’re in actuality Kook’s ex.”

Taehyung was heaving at the end, chest rising and falling as the world spilled from his lips like an overflowing bucket. He levelled you with a gaze and a few seconds passed by before he spoke up again. But this time he wasn’t on the edge of yelling, this time his voice wasn’t dripping of urgency and frustration, this time he was calm.

“Look, I’m not saying that you did nothing wrong and that Kook has no right to be mad at you at all.” You pressed your lips together. “You did just leave, did just apply for that scholarship without telling us beforehand. That sucked, and you shouldn’t have done that. You should have at least told him.”

Taehyung ran a hand through his hair as he gazed off into the sky, eyes squinting when he looked right into the disappearing sun.

“But it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for him to act the way he does. You’ve both fucked up, but it’s been years.”

You leaned against the railing and let out a long sigh, eyes wandering to Taehyung. He offered you a smile and while you felt the corners of your lips quiver and your lungs ache, you smiled back at him. 

“You two obviously have a lot to work through,” Taehyung said and you threw your head back into your neck, gaze finding the sky.

“Where do I start?”

And without missing a beat, Taehyung answered,

“Start by forgiving yourself.”

When Taehyung came home that night after dropping you off, he found Jungkook in the kitchen, McDonalds bag sitting on the dining table.

“Got anything for me?” Taehyung asked as he made his way over to Jungkook, sitting down opposite of him and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Jungkook didn’t respond or look at Taehyung, simply putting down his burger on the wrapper that functioned as a makeshift plate before rummaging through the brown bag and tossing a cheeseburger at Taehyung.

“You took Heejin home?” Taehyung asked as he peeled the wrapper away, wondering how Jungkook had made it home before him when he had been at McDonalds before. 

“Uh, she insisted on going home herself. Called her an uber,” Jungkook mumbled between bites and Taehyung stopped unwrapping his burger for a moment to eye him before nodding and continuing. 

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” Taehyung said, trying to make Jungkook feel better, but he shrugged and didn’t really react. 

Interpreting Jungkook’s silence as him not wanting to talk, Taehyung didn’t say anything more and focused on the food in front of him, biting into his burger that was disgustingly cold now, but after the night he had, any food was welcomed, even if it tasted of artificial flavouring and left his throat dry.

And for the next few minutes, Jungkook and he sit in silence, eating. At one point, Jungkook reached for his second burger, tossing Taehyung another one even though he hadn’t finished his nor asked for one. Two bites into his new burger, Jungkook paused and stared at some point in front of him, just not at Taehyung.

“She broke up with me.”

Taehyung looked up, but Jungkook kept his eyes trained in front of him.

“Heejin broke up with me.”

A second passed before Taehyung put down his burger and straightened up. He wasn’t surprised because Yoongi had been right when he had told you that Jungkook and you had been in another world. A blind man could have seen that there was something between Jungkook and you.

“You okay?” Taehyung offered and forgot that he was, deep down, still mad at Jungkook, forgot that Jungkook still made him want to rip out his own hair. 

Jungkook scoffed before dropping his burger. It landed halfway on the wrapper and halfway not, but he didn’t care enough to adjust it. He leaned back and covered his face with his hands, fingers digging into his eyes.

Taehyung was about to make his way over to Jungkook, about to pull him into his arms because he was clearly not doing well, but before he could even move a single centimetre, Jungkook’s hands fell away and he looked up to him.

“Yeah, I am.”

It sounded like Jungkook couldn’t believe himself, like he was angry and frustrated with himself for being able to say that he was okay and mean it, like he wanted to be the opposite, crying and bawling instead.

“I’m okay,” Jungkook said, head shaking from left to right as he furrowed his brows and scoffed at himself. “How am I okay? How am I okay when Heejin, my fucking girlfriend, just broke up with me?”

Taehyung blinked at Jungkook, knowing exactly that he needed to rant right now, needed to get all of the words out.

“She told me to get her an uber and after I did, she turned to me and said that she thought we should break up,” Jungkook recounted, eyes unblinking. “Just like that. We broke up just like that.”

He rubbed his eyes and groaned before snapping out of it and looking back at Taehyung.

“I- I didn’t even fight her on it when she told me to call her an uber. I just did. I did as she told me to, but- but as her boyfriend, I shouldn’t have, right? I should have insisted on driving her home, but I didn’t. I- I knew I should have. I was screaming at myself to, but I just couldn’t. And when she told me we should break up-” Jungkook paused and gestured around like that would finish his sentence. “I, again, didn’t fight her on it.”

A bitter scoff escaped him and Taehyung watched Jungkook shake his head at himself, obviously confused by himself. “Instead of insisting to talk about it or whatever, I just went to fucking McDonalds.” Jungkook punched the bag and it tipped over, slow and sad. “I went to McDonalds! Can you fucking believe? Instead of driving home my girlfriend or fighting for my relationship, I just said okay and went to get food at the shittest place ever.”

Jungkook gestured around himself wildly, hands flailing around like he was drowning and trying to gasp for air. His voice grew in volume and the desperation and frustration seemed to thicken more and more, lacing his every word as he rambled on.

“And it all just doesn’t make sense because it’s not like I don’t care. I do. I do care about Heejin, but it’s just- it’s just-” Jungkook shook his head and pressed his lips into a thin line as he scanned the room for the rest of his sentence. “I just don’t know anymore. I don’t even know why she broke up with me.”

When Jungkook looked at Taehyung, it hurt him to see the frustration swimming in his eyes, hurt him to see how helpless he was. And so, Taehyung sighed and sat up even straighter, gaze levelling Jungkook’s.

“Do you love Heejin?”

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“Was,” Taehyung corrected with a raise of a finger. “But that doesn’t answer my question, Jungkook-” 

Jungkook furrowed his brows at him and shook his head at him.

“What? It does answer your question,” Jungkook said, staring at Taehyung like he had just said the most ridiculous thing ever. “She is- was, whatever, my girlfriend, so, of course, I love her.”

Taehyung scrunched up his nose at Jungkook’s answer and slid his burger to the side to lean forward and be a little closer to Jungkook, needing to look right into his eyes as he said the next word.

“Do you, though?”

Taehyung didn’t give Jungkook a chance to answer.

“Do you seriously love Heejin or do you assume you do because she was your girlfriend?”

Taehyung eyed Jungkook as the words sank into the air and dawned on him, as they replayed over and over again in his head, as they started to push through everything inside him and reached his heart.

“Jungkook, don’t you think there was a reason why Heejin and you had been dating for almost six months and we hadn’t met her yet? Don’t you think there was a reason why you never told her about Y/N?”

He looked at Taehyung, his gaze hazy and clouded with questions. Jungkook had no idea, had no idea why Heejin had broken up with him. She had simply smiled at him and wished him well before getting into the uber, no reason. But he also hadn’t tried to stop her from getting inside and demanded an answer. He had just accepted it with a nod and gotten into his car.

But now, with Taehyung looking at him, gaze digging deep into his, he started to think, started to replay the events of this evening, started to dissect every interaction today. 

He thought about how you all had played Taboo, thought about how you had smiled at him when he had gotten the first word, thought about how you had essentially beamed at him when you two had gotten closer and closer to the win, thought about how you had squealed and jumped up when you had realised you had won, thought about how beautiful you had looked standing on the balcony with the wind blowing through your hair and the sun highlighting your beauty, thought about how he wanted to hold you close to him when he saw you standing there, thought about how you had smiled at him when you had told him you had missed him too, thought about how you were the only thing he could think of.

“I love Y/N.”

The corners of Taehyung’s lips curled up and he nodded.

“I still love, Y/N.”

And once again, Taehyung nodded.

Jungkook slumped into his chair, hands in his lap as he stared at some chip in the dining table, mind far, far away. Never had he been this confused before, never had he ever struggled this much to process anything before.

But at the same time, it made sense, made sense that he was still in love with you. How could he not be? How could he not be when you were the only one that had ever made him so happy that the corners of his lips had started hurting from all of the grinning and his stomach aching from all of the laughing and his lungs screaming for oxygen? How could he not be when you were the smartest, kindest, funniest. most talented, brilliant, inspiring and prettiest person he had ever met?

It made so much sense that Jungkook was still deeply in love with you after all this time, it hurt his brain.

And so, he stayed silent, stayed silent even as Taehyung reached over and bit into his burger after finishing his own.

“What do I do?”

Jungkook surprised himself when he spoke, not intending to, but once the words were out, he wanted the answer. Taehyung put Jungkook’s burger down on his own pile of cheeseburger wrappers and brushed his hands off.

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to tell her. I want to try again. I want to hold her in my arms and kiss her until the sun rises-”

“Okay, calm down, Kook,” Taehyung laughed and leaned back into his chair. “I get it. You wanna rush over to her and profess your love to her in this grand romantic gesture, but take a moment and think about it, about everything.”

Jungkook lowered his gaze and looked up after two seconds, chest pressed against the edge of the table and legs itching to carry him to you.

“You think she’s still up-”

“No,” Taehyung cut in and pointed at Jungkook, burger abandoned to the side once more as he leaned forward. The smile that had pulled on his lips before disappeared.

“Kook, I need you to think about how you’ve treated Y/N these past weeks.” Jungkook straightened up and his legs tucked themselves under the chair when the memories came crashing down on him. “Really think about it.”

And so, this time, Jungkook did think about it, did take a moment and let all of your interaction run through his mind. And the longer he did, the longer he thought about what he had said to you and how he had treated you, the more he wanted to punch himself, the more he wanted to turn back time, the more he wanted to fall to his knees and beg you to forgive him, beg you to just please not hate him.

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair, fingers clawing on the roots as he cursed himself.

“Bad, isn’t it?” Taehyung said and cocked his head to the side. 

“What do I do?”

“Well, I’d apologise first if I were you and I’d take all responsibility for what, well, you’ve done. And I’d tell her that if she doesn’t feel the way I do, that it’s fine and I will do anything in my power to not make it awkward for her and the fact that she’s friends with my friends.”

Jungkook hummed, hummed because he really couldn’t do anything else. He just couldn’t believe how blinded he had been, how blinded he had been by all of that ugly and unresolved anger and pain.

Taehyung let Jungkook think for a while, think before he leaned forward again and said what he had been trying so desperately to tell him, what he had been trying to get through his thick skull all this time.

“But before that, Kook, I need you to realise that when she made your promise of forever, you were teens. Remember how dumb and stupid we were back then? And I know you felt like Y/N was being selfish and leaving you behind to go study in America, but in reality, she was following her dreams. And you thought that those dreams didn’t include you, but they did. You were the one that broke up with her. She did not break up with you. You did.”

Taehyung paused for a second, arms crossing in front of his chest. 

“You decided to not be in her dreams.”

You banged on the door, banged on it like you were about to kick it in, banged on it like your life depended on it, and when it finally opened, you almost banged on his chest, fist stopping mid-air.

“Who the fuck- Y/N? What are you doing here? It’s five in the morning- wait, why are you all wet? Did you run through the rain?”

You shoved your phone into his face and he squinted, your screen blinding him. The overhead light above you did barely anything to illuminate the hallway you were standing in, leaving both of you essentially in darkness. 

It took him a few seconds, a lot of blinking and wrapping his fingers around your wrist to hold your phone away to finally see what you were showing him.

[heejin - 11:21 PM] : hi! I wasnt sure if I should tell you this or not and I honestly contemplated not to

[heejin - 11:21 PM] : but at the end, I think you should know

[heejin - 11:21 PM] : I’m not too sure what exactly is going on between kook and you, but for what it’s worth, kook and I broke up

[heejin - 11:22 PM] : I hope you two figure out whatever is between you two because I do think you two would be cute. you definitely got my blessing!

[heejin - 11:22 PM] : dream team ;)

Your knuckles turned white around your phone before you let your arm drop to your side. Your heart was pounding in your chest, pounding so much that you were certain that she was trying to leap out of it and fall into his hands again.

Jungkook blinked at you, mouth agape as he struggled to find his voice, struggled to take you all in because did you really stand in front of him, soaked to the bones, hair all tangled up and wet from the rain, chest heaving like you had run all of the way here or was he simply dreaming? Did he finally fall asleep?

“Did I wake you up?” you panted and shifted from one foot to another, expecting him to slam the door in your face.

“N-no, I, uh, I wasn’t sleeping,” Jungkook said and you looked at him before nodding and letting your gaze travel to the side. Your brows pinched together and Jungkook was about to invite you in because, again, you were soaked to the bones, but then, you took a deep breath and opened your mouth.

Here goes nothing.

“Look, Jungkook, I debated with myself for the past four or so hours whether or not I should come here. And then, it started to rain, and, well, I know that you love your romcoms. And even though I also know you probably wanna be the one to execute the grand romantic gesture because you are you and you love so fucking deeply and wholly, I decided that I’m gonna do this because, well, you deserve it.

“When I left for America, I- I truly thought I was going to move on from you at one point, thought you were going to turn into an old love, a memory. I thought that one day I’d tell my grandkids about you, Jungkook, and how you were my first love and how happy you had made me and how bitter our ending had been, but,” you shook your head, “but the truth is, you still have such a hold on my heart. You’re still vibrant and alive in my mind, imprinted in there.

“And I know I’ve hurt you by leaving, but I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you, Jungkook,” tears filled your eyes, “I left because having you, having you by my side, as my boyfriend, Jungkook, made me believe that anything was possible, made me want to reach for the stars, fulfill my dreams because before America, you were my dream. You were the one thing I had wanted for so long, and then, I had you. Then, you were mine, and I was on cloud nine.

“I’ve felt so guilty all this time and beaten myself up for leaving because you were obviously still so angry and hurt by that, and unlike what you might believe, I never wanted that, never wanted to hurt you in any way. I need you to understand that I didn’t leave because you weren’t enough. You were and are enough, Jungkook. I left because you made the impossible seem possible, and so, I thought you’d be my side forever, even if oceans and continents and whatever were between us.

“And I realise that was selfish, selfish of me to just expect you to be fine with it. I should have talked to you, told you about the scholarship and my plans and not broken our promise like that. But I didn’t, and I made you think that everybody is selfish and that you weren’t enough. But that’s not true.” You shook your head and swallowed heavily, trying not to choke on your own tears. “Jungkook, you taught me that people are wonderful and amazing and you made me feel like I was more than enough, beyond enough. And you deserve to feel the same way, so, I’m deeply sorry for failing to do just that and for leaving without a proper explanation and talking to you beforehand.

“I know you probably don’t wanna hear this because you probably hate me now, but even if you decide to slam the door in my face and curse me out for the rest of my life after this and forget about all that I’ve said, I want you to know one thing. 

“I love you. I love you so much it hurts, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop, not even if you hate me.”

Jungkook looked at you, gazed into your eyes, and truly, you thought time stopped. You waited, waited for him to say or do something and it felt like eternities were flying past you as you stood there, blinking at him. And even with tears in your eyes, blurring your vision, you could see him clearly, could see Jungkook standing right in front of you.

“Y/N, oh, my love,” Jungkook started, voice shaky before he took a step closer to you. His hand reached up and he cupped your face. Your cheek was cold, cold from the rain, but the moment he touched you, you felt warmth push through you, through your chest, felt the remnants of icicles melt away in your lungs.

“Please, don’t apologise. I should be apologising to you, should be the one banging on your door and begging for your forgiveness. I don’t hate you. I could never truly hate you.” Jungkook swallowed, voice cracking as the words continued spilling from him without a pause. “I- I’m the one that fucked up so badly, I don’t even know how you can still love me. I hurt you so much, said so much dumb shit and made you feel so fucking guilty when you shouldn’t have felt guilty.” He shook his head at himself and held onto you a little tighter like he was scared you were going to slip away if he didn’t. “I’m so sorry, my love, for being so incredibly blinded by anger and pain for so long. I’m so sorry for hurting you and making you feel like you needed to apologise to me.

“Tae is right. I should have taken you to the airport and wished you well. I should have been there with the others and said goodbye. I shouldn't have screamed at you and stayed at home-”

“Kook, babe, no,” you choked out and grabbed his wrist, holding onto it as you shook your head at him. “Don’t apologise. I- I should have talked to you before. You had every right to be mad at me. I understand why you didn’t go. I understand why you couldn’t do it. It’s fine-”

“But I don’t want it to be fine,” Jungkook interrupted and your fingers tightened around his wrists. “I don’t want it to be fine because I know I hurt you by not being there. And I never want it to be fine or okay or whatever if I hurt you.”

Jungkook and you looked at one another, vision blurry and just as the first tear began spilling from the corner of your eye, you took a step towards Jungkook, closing the gap that had lingered between you two and pressed your lips to his.

You kissed Jungkook, kissed him standing on the doorstep of his front door, kissed him standing there, soaked to the bones, kissed him like it was just you and him in this universe. Your body leaned into his and your hands were desperate for him, desperate to just touch him. You grabbed onto whatever skin and piece of Jungkook you could get, and he did the same, but your kiss was soft and calm, the opposite of your hands. You held onto you like you were drowning, like you were Rose and Jack.

You moved your lips against his and your smile grew the longer you kissed Jungkook. And you wondered if he could also feel the sun shine in his chest, if he could also taste the honey and sugar and love trapped between your teeth, if his skin was also prickling everywhere you touched him, if fireworks were also exploding in his stomach like they were in yours, if this was enough of a grand romantic gesture for him.

You wondered if Jungkook could feel just how much you loved him.

The sun rose behind you two, and when you two pulled away to breathe, you smiled at each other. 

Jungkook didn’t let go of you and neither did you. He cupped your face once more and pulled you close to him. Your breath mixed with his, heavy and varied, but it was all good, all good because smiles were on your lips, all good because you had each other again.

“My love,” Jungkook breathed, and gazed into your eyes the way he had when you had won that round of Taboo and smiled at you the way he had when he and you had stood on the balcony. “I love you.”

“Kook, babe,” you started, pecking his nose before beaming at him, beaming at him like you had used to, beaming at him because he was your sun and your dream. “I love you more.”

Jungkook leaned in for a quick kiss, leaned in the same way he used to whenever his heart pounded a little too much in his chest. And you pressed right back against him, lips finding his, and you knew,

Jungkook was warmth.

Jungkook was home.

Jungkook was love.

“Fucking finally.”

Jungkook and you pulled apart and jerked around to the source of the sound, and when you saw them standing there, behind you, your heart stopped mid-beat. Your jaw went slack as you blinked at them, unable to process what was happening right now.

“Worth it, right?” 

Jungkook and you whipped your heads around one more time, and it was then that you saw Taehyung standing behind you, hands shoved into his pockets and body leaned against the door to the living room.

“Eh, was kinda obvious that this was gonna happen at one point,” Yoongi mumbled with a shrug, clearly unbothered, but Yerim was the complete opposite, hands pressed to her mouth as she tried to stop the squeal from spilling free.

“Oh my God!” she shrieked, voice so high it hurt and Jungkook and you cringed. “I- I’ve been literally dreaming of this!”

“So, worth it, right? Coming here?” Taehyung asked again and squeezed himself between Jungkook and you to step out into the hallway, prompting you to move to the side a little.

“Yes, absolutely!” Yerim grinned and nodded vigorously, and for a moment, you thought her head was going to come off.

“What’s happening right now?” you asked and your hands found Jungkook’s, your fingers lacing with his for some kind of support.

“Oh, yeah, I heard you banging on the door, so, I called up Yoongs and Yeri and told them to get their asses here because our best friends don’t get back together without everybody here to witness it,” Taehyung explained with a shrug.

“Wait, how did you two make it here in time?” Jungkook asked, thumb brushing over your hand as he stepped closer to you to look at Yoongi and Yerim.

“Yeah, unlike what you might think, Kook, traffic isn’t always so bad and there aren’t always fires around,” Yoongi smirked and Jungkook gasped behind you. 

Taehyung, Yerim and you looked at each other, jaws going slack before you started grinning and all three of you had to bite your lips to stop the laughter from spilling free. Jungkook tugged on your hand and you tried your hardest not to laugh, but when you looked at him, you just couldn’t stop it.

Pearls of laughter spilled out and you took Taehyung and Yerim with you. Taehyung placed his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze, and Yerim hid behind Yoongi, trying her hardest to avoid Jungkook’s gaze.

And even though he was offended and tried to keep looking like he was truly offended, he couldn’t help but laugh with you all, couldn’t help himself when he saw you grinning at him like that.

“Can we go now?” Yoongi smiled when you all had calmed down, the bags under his eyes darkening with every second he wasn’t in his bed. “It’s five in the morning and usually, I’m in bed during this time.”

Taehyung smiled at him. “Only if you say, it was worth it.”

Yoongi groaned and threw his head into his neck, not enjoying that answer at all. Yerim giggled and nudged him with her elbow, but instead of just saying it was worth it, Yoongi decided to argue with Taehyung.

“It was so obvious that they were gonna get together again. I honestly wouldn’t have minded if you hadn’t called me.”

“Min Yoongi, are you seriously telling me that you wouldn’t have minded missing out on our best friends getting back together?”

“Honestly? Yeah.”

“He’s lying. Yoongs loves Kook and Y/N together.”

“What’re you talking about, Yeri? I don’t-”

“Do I have to remind you that you texted me last week that you couldn’t believe that they weren’t back together yet?”

“Oh, Yoongs, that’s so cute.”

“Why would you believe her, Tae? It’s bullshit!”

Too busy watching Taehyung, Yerim and Yoongi argue with each other, you didn’t notice Jungkook turning away. So, when you suddenly felt cotton brush against your arms, you were more than surprised.

“What?” you blurted out before looking down at yourself and seeing one of Jungkook’s jackets around your body. 

“Thought you might be cold. You know, with all of that running through the rain and everything,” Jungkook hummed with a shrug and you stared at him for a little before you smiled at him again. You leaned up and pressed a quick kiss against his lips, a kiss that had the corners of his lips curling into the most beautiful smile.

You hugged Jungkook’s jacket closer to your body, trying to keep that warmth in your chest locked down. The smell of his detergent and sweat mixed with your senses and you felt all dizzy, but it was the good kind of dizzy, the kind of dizzy you loved, the kind of dizzy only Jungkook could ever make you feel.

And when he wrapped his arms around you, you quickly wrapped your arms around him too. Your lips brushed against his neck and you left a kiss there, trying to make sure that he would never ever forget that he was more than enough, never ever forget that you loved him like nobody else in this world.

And with his arms around your body, you, once again, felt like the impossible was possible, like the stars were yours to grab, like nothing could ever come between you, but unlike before, you knew that this time, it was all true.

“I love you,” you hummed into Jungkook’s ear and he smiled into your hair before tightening his arms around you.

“And I love you.”

Jungkook and you gazed into each other’s eyes, sunlight sparkling in your pupils before you both slowly leaned into each other, more and more. Your eyes flickered down to his lips and you knew that any second now, he would kiss you. And the thought alone had your heart racing and your breath hitching and your hands shaking but in the best ways possible. And right as your lips were about to connect,

“Fine!” Yoongi grunted and silenced Taehyung and Yerim, cutting them mid-sentence and Jungkook and you mid-kiss. “It was worth it. I missed Kook and Y/N and I’m more than overjoyed to see them together again! My heart is literally melting in my chest and I can’t wait to go home because I wanna shriek and scream into my pillow!”

Jungkook and you turned your heads around to see a panting Yoongi. His eyes were big and nostrils flared as he glared at Taehyung and Yerim.

“Happy now?” he asked through gritted teeth and he looked between Taehyung and Yerim, who were exchanging glances with each other. There was a beat of silence and a second later, the two burst out into laughter. Jungkook and you had to grin too, but you still shook your heads at your friends, the situation far too ridiculous.

“Hey, Yoongs,” Jungkook called over your head before looking at you. When you nodded at him, he turned back to Yoongi, who was, at this point, fuming and mumbling to himself, cheeks red. “You can go home now.”

“Thank you!” Yoongi grumbled and threw his hands into the air, but before he could turn around and drive home with his cheeks and the tips of his ears bright red, Jungkook interjected,

“But you are a dumb, little bitch.”

Yoongi’s jack went slack as he furrowed his brows at Jungkook, more than caught off guard by the sudden insult. It was clear he was struggling to process it, but so were Taehyung, Yerim and you, all three of you going silent at Jungkook’s words.

It took you a moment to understand why Jungkook had said what he had said, and when you did, you burst out into laughter.

You gasped for air as you threw your head back, laughter rippling through your chest, and Jungkook joined you, bending over as he laughed his heart out as well. And soon enough, Taehyung joined you two, finally making the connection himself. Yerim started laughing as well, but only because Taehyung, Jungkook and you were laughing.

Yoongi was left blinking at you three as he struggled to decide whether he was offended or amused, and judging from the smile tugging on the corners of his lips, it was the latter.

“Not like that,” you said with a shake of your head and Jungkook shrugged at you.

“What? Isn’t that we were talking about when we said to bully Yoongs?” he asked with that proud smirk on his lips, that proud smirk he always got whenever he managed to make people laugh. Taehyung and you shook your heads at him, both definitely not thinking of calling Yoongi ‘a dumb, little bitch’ when you had agreed to bully him a little. 

It took a while, but soon your laughter died down, but the grins stayed on your lips.

“Definitely not like that,” Taehyung agreed with you, fingers wiping away the tears, and you three locked eyes with each other, grinning, no, beaming. 

Yoongi sighed after he had enough of whatever this was, and turned on his heel, but once again, before he could go, Jungkook interjected,

“Hey, I think you should all just crash here. It’s, well, early and probably better for you two to not get behind the wheel right now.”

Yoongi opened his mouth to protest, but then, he stopped himself and paused, gaze levelling Jungkook’s.

“I get your bed?”

“Sure thing, I’ll kick you out of it,” Jungkook grinned and even though that had not been the response he had wanted, Yoongi shuffled inside, Yerim right behind him.

“I’m happy you guys are back together,” she told you two as she walked past you and you grinned at Jungkook, a grin he returned right away.

Taehyung let out a sigh, lips still pulled into a smile before he, too, shuffled inside, gaze meeting yours when he did. 

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, seriously. Thanks,” Jungkook hummed and Taehyung laughed before waving you two off, dismissing your words with a flick of his hand.

“No need to thank me,” Taehyung grinned. “I’m just happy that you two are back together.”

Both of you wanted to disagree, but Taehyung silenced you with a smile. And right as he was about to turn into the living room to figure out where Yerim and Yoongi were going to sleep, he looked over his shoulder and met Jungkook’s and your gaze.

“You can name your firstborn after me if you’re truly thankful.” A pause. “Taehyung Jeon. Doesn’t sound too bad, right?”

“You think we would name our firstborn after you?”

“You think I would take Kook’s last name?” 

Jungkook gasped next to you and took a step back, hand gripping your elbow to draw your attention to him. His brows were slightly furrowed together and his mouth agape.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What’s wrong with Jeon?” he asked and you stared at him.

“Gonna leave you two alone now,” Taehyung laughed, not wanting to see where that conversation was going, and joined Yerim and Yoongi in the living room.

“Nothing. Don’t you worry about it,” you said with a smile and stroked Jungkook’ cheek, and instantly, he melted into your touch, frown washing away. “It’s fine. It’s a nice last name.”

You pinched Jungkook’s cheeks, making him pull away and just as he was about to complain and tell you not to pinch his cheek, you continued,

“You know, fine and nice for now.”

Jungkook’s eyes grew big at your words and before he could ask you what exactly you meant with that, (because you knew he was going to. It was Jungkook after all.), you closed the door behind you two. You patted his chest and took his hand to lead him to the others, but he stopped you, pulling you back to him, smirk on his lips.

“You wanna fulfill Tae’s wish?” Jungkook asked with a quirk of his brow and you looked at him, lips pressing into a line. When you didn’t respond, the smirk fell away, prompting you to smile at him again. 

“Let’s join the others, yeah?” you said with a wink, enjoying teasing him a little too much. You didn’t wait for an answer and turned on your heel, but once again, Jungkook stopped you.

“How about we fulfill my dream, then?” 

Jungkook looked at you with the same smirk on his face again, and before you could stop yourself, you laughed at him, shaking your head from left to right. You leaned up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek before patting his chest and walking backwards, pointing at him as you did.

“Just get me a towel.” 

→  links don’t work, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts/feedback! i’d love to hear it!

[osakasshitpit]

I love Final Fantasy XIV

So I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XIV, and after playing for around 180 hours, I haven’t even finished A Realm Reborn. Normally, 180 hours is an insane time frame for a game to manage and hold my attention. Persona 5 Royal was 180 hours of game time, and that was slowly outstaying its welcome. FFXIV must be doing something right, because just recently I went to a convention and bought a Y’shtola Keychain in a heartbeat. I haven’t had time to play XIV a lot prior to this, since I was stupidly grinding Praetorium for days and got burned out. I haven’t played much in 2 months, and Y’shtola only really has a minor role during A Realm Reborn’s Storyline. Despite that, I started in Limsa and Y’shtola stuck with me since then. I just had to buy that keychain. My girlfriend asked me about it and despite me staying away from the game after being burned out, I explained to her in great enthusiasm why I loved Y’shtola and why I loved the game so much. I think that’s the first time I really realized how attached I was to this world, these characters, this game.

I came to FFXIV after having played WoW from Vanilla through WotLK, after having barely ever touched a MMO since quitting WoW. Honestly, I was very skeptical of XIV but holy fucking shit did it ever win me over. They are completely different games, mind you, but that is a good thing in my opinion.

So here is the longest tumblr rant post I have written so far, I think.

To be fair, the first 20 levels or so were kinda slow. You get thrown into the deep end and get bombarded with lore and characters, terms and phrases that you don't understand. For fucks sake, the opening cutscene shows Louisoix fighting Bahamut front and center. Its this big, epic moment of sacrifice, but to someone who has not played 1.0 and who doesn't know anything about the lore, this just zips right past you. During the main story of ARR, they keep talking about Louisoix and how important he is, but you haven't even seen the guy because he died before the game even started. I only really realized this today, it took me 180 hours and a look at the wiki to connect the dots. It really is a slow burn, but that slow burn was okay because everything else was so fantastic.

While the world can arguably be more subdued than Azeroth in parts, there is still this distinctive style that I quickly fell in love with. It’s fantastical, but it still feels grounded. Part of that has to do with how the game introduces you to the world, and how the main story quests explain to you the lore bit by bit. I feel like much of the world design of WoW was down to “the rule of cool”. Now, I’m not saying XIV doesn’t have that, but I feel like XIV always goes the extra mile to explain why this cool shit is here. Everything you see out there in the world feels like it has a purpose, a reason to be there and an explanation on how it works. The factions make sense, the political conflicts you get entangled in are believable. I feel like I am kind of biased to be honest. What got me to play FFXIV in the first place was seeing that Viera are a playable race. I’m a sucker for Final Fantasy, not in short part to my memories of Playing Final Fantasy Tactics and XII. XII is still my favorite game in the series, and much of that has to do with the world, Ivalice. Viera were always my favorite race of the ones seen in Ivalice. Seeing as you can play a Viera in XIV, I just had to try. Thinking about it, XII and XIV have a lot in common when it comes to world building.

One of the weirdest things to acclimate for me was how FFXIV handles story. I was used to WoW, where story was basically non-existent and you did what you did to see numbers rise and to unlock now content you could do. You are basically never involved in the story of WoW, you are just kind of there for the ride. In FFXIV, you are the main character. You are involved in what happens at all times, and that is kinda strange coming from WoW. At first I thought I wouldn’t like it, but the game made it work in my opinion. I also didn’t expect there to be so much of story to begin with. Kind of ironically the moment I realized just how much there was to experience was when I went through Ul’dah and saw a blue quest. Now, blue quest markers mean there is some content you can unlock by doing this quest. A lot of these are kinda short, with a bit of dialogue and some bits of lore for you to enjoy and I thought this one would be no difference. After all, the hook is basically just to help this lady mourn for the death of a friend. What I got was a fabulous detective adventure that spanned over the entire continent, where in I had to help the worlds most manly detective uncover the secret behind a mysterious phantom thief. To say the least, this 21 quest long quest line brought be hours upon hours of joy and had me in stitches throughout. And it was completely optional. I don’t think I even remember a single moment from any quest in WoW that made me this excited for it, optional or otherwise.

Ultimately these are very different games that try very different things.

Dungeons and Raids were a different thing. I remember when I rolled a new character for WotLK and wanted to do karazhan because I used to like doing that raid with my guild back in TBC. I could not for the live of me find a group willing to do it, because everyone was way more focused on the new content, so they could get better gear. Regardless, it just wouldn’t have been the same experience anyways I fear, because the new gear from the new Dungeons outclassed the raid gear from TBC, so karazhan would be way easier and a much different experience. In FFXIV, every dungeon is level synced by default, meaning if a higher level character joins, they get basically downgraded to the level the dungeon was designed for. Couple that with the Duty Roulette feature and suddenly, there was always someone to do any given dungeon with. I remember when I had to do the crystal tower raids and thought “why would they tie main story progression to a raid, I will never find a group to do that properly” but low and behold, I found a group within 30 minutes or less and raided through the entire set of raids within a day. Dungeons and Raids are generally a very pick up and play thing in FFXIV. To be fair, dungeons got easier and more pick up and play in WoW too, but Raids were always the endgame thing where you had to gear up and learn to play. In FFXIV, much more lenient. No corpse walking required. I say this, but I have yet to do the Coils of Bahamut or any Savage Raids. I have only heard that there is plenty of hardcore raid content for those who want that.

That’s nothing to say about the actual gameplay. FFXIV is a tab-target MMO, like so many others, but it manages to keep this kind of gameplay fresh by introducing a lot of mechanics that make the game more active than the typical “I stand here and hit my rotation a lot”. For starters, most enemies have special abilities that you can actually dodge by moving out of the way. There will a area marker on the floor and everyone within that area will be hit. It starts out easy, but later dungeons really start kicking your ass with this mechanic. You really need to say on your toes. In addition, every class is extremely different. They all have special mechanics unique to them, special meters and resources they will have to manage during combat and so on. For example, a Red Mage (the class I’m playing currently), has two meters that fill up as you cast spells. They generally have two types of spells, white and black magic. Each type fills its respective bar. Once they are both full enough, you can go in and do a more powerful melee rotation. However, if one bar is fuller than the other, the other bar will fill up slower. Since you need to fill both, you want to balance that out. You get instant casts for spells after performing a damaging spell, and you have some spells with a short cast time and good damage output that you want to cast and then use the instant cast of to cast a more damaging spell that has a long cast time. But these short cast, good damage spells require a you get from casting a spell of the respective type. So, in essence, you want to balance your use of black and white magic, but you also want to use the proc you get from casting your white and black magic, which means you cast more of the type which inherently unbalances your gauges. It becomes this micromanagement game you play with your procs and instant casts, so you can go in and do the big, flashy sword combo. And that’s just the red mage at around 50. Every class has something like this, and it’s all unique to them. Learning a class is not just learning the rotation and spells you have anymore, it’s really learning how to effectively play your class. Also, positioning. Some abilities do more damage from certain positions, so you will have to dance around an enemy to hit all the sweet spots with classes like monks. These complexities get introduced slowly as you level up, so you have plenty of time to learn the mechanics. My favorite feature might be the class system itself, though. In FFXIV, you aren’t limited to one class for the entire duration of your characters career. You can, from a certain point forwards, choose any class you wish and level that up instead. You can freely switch between classes outside of combat, too. If you are dedicated enough, you can level them all up to max, even. This means if you don’t like a class or the direction a class is going in, you can switch. I for my part started as an arcanist, so I unlocked Summoner at 30. I played Summoner up to 50 but I was just not meshing as well with the direction the summorer went in. So, I switched to Red Mage and after some getting used to, Its now my new favorite. Arcanists are special, because you actually unlock two classes at 30, so I also unlocked Scholars. Scholars are healers and that became my main dungeon class, since queue times are way shorter for healers. This would be unthinkable in WoW, and love the fact this is a thing here.

If I had to describe it, WoW is an MMO with RPG Elements, while FFXIV is a JRPG with MMO elements. I didn’t know I needed that, but in retrospect, it makes sense. The thing that really killed my progress in WoW was that I didn’t have anyone to play with anymore. My friends all dropped from the game and while I generally like doing solo content from time to time, I’m pretty introverted, after all... MMORPGs are usually most fun with friends. Final Fantasy XIV is a JRPG first, an MMO second. There is so much to keep your attention as a solo player, its nuts. All my friends who play this game, play on a different data center, so I can’t even visit them. Despite that, I had a lot of fun in my time with the game.

My experience with the game was incredibly positive, and I don’t think it will get worse from here. Everyone keeps telling me how great Heavensward is. I just have to finish 16 more quests and I’ll be able to see for myself what the fuss is about.

Honestly, if I had to say anything negative, it would be how longwinded ARR is. I mean, its not bad by any means, but I can see how someone could be turned off by this huge storyblock. Worst of all is, after you hit 50 and reach the end of ARR’s story line, there are 80 quests before you can even start with Heavensward. Since everyone keeps going on about how great it is, it’s kind of annoying how long you have to work to even get to it. In retrospect, it kinda makes sense though. These quests are meant to be played over months and months throughout a update cycle and bridge the narrative gap between one storyblock and the next, but holy fucking shit why did it have to be THAT long. They even cut like 20 of the quests from this already insanely long quest line. What the fuck. This is supposed to be an epilogue to ARR and it feels like I played a whole fucking JRPG in between ARR and Heavensward. Oh well. Thankfully, they learned from this and made the post-story blocks shorter.

I will just say that I can recommend this game. You should give it a try. Just... try not to drop the game before it gets really, really good.

[particularemu]

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 4

Part: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 6917

Type: ANGST, FLUFF

Warnings: blood, murder, physical violence, drugs, depression, anxiety, insanity, and there’s an intense anger spell

Tag List: @alightiny​ @cheonsali​ @joojoosiwa (fuck tumblr doesn’t like me tagging you bby)

Author’s Note: Fucking hell this chapter is long. Sorry, it took so long folks! This is such a dark series and I really have to be in the right headspace to bust out a chapter. 

Thanks to @jisungsjheekies​ for looking this over and hyping me up so I can finish this shit. 

“What did you do?”

Your heart pounded in your chest as you attempted to crawl toward Hyunjin. He didn’t think you actually killed the man, did he? Your head lolled to the side, noticing the shard of glass in your hands. Tears ran down your cheeks as you spotted your mother’s music box, shattered on the floor. You were terrified. 

Hyunjin pulled you into his arms, noticing how limp your body was. His heart dropped when he felt your body shake ever-so-slightly in his grasp. This wasn’t your fault. “Oh my God sweetheart.” Hyunjin shivered in fear. “It’s okay. We’re gonna figure this out.” 

“I didn’t do it.” Your words sounded slurred and jumbled, but Hyunjin seemed to understand what you were trying to tell him. 

“I know sweetheart.” Hyunjin held you tight to his chest, hand rubbing your back to soothe you. The last thing he wanted was his fear to lead you into a panic attack. “I know.” 

Hyunjin’s mind was racing a million miles a minute. Did you do it? Of course, you didn’t. From what he’s seen, you wouldn’t hurt a fly let alone kill a man. How on earth was he going to prove your innocence? Who did this? Why would they want to frame you? What’s going to happen to you? Should he try and hide the body and clean up the mess before anyone notices? How do you even go about doing that?

Hyunjin mentally cursed his lack of interest in crime shows. Maybe that would have given him some ideas on how to get away with murder. 

Your quiet whimper shook Hyunjin out of his thoughts. He rested his thumb on your neck, lips moving quickly as he counted your heart rate. 

“Oh my God!” 

Hyunjin’s heart dropped in his stomach when he heard a man cry out in fear.  He could feel your heart beat a mile a minute underneath his fingertips. 

Of course… Of course, this had to happen right now. By the look of it, the frightened man was a caretaker at the asylum. Perhaps Hyunjin could convince the boy to look the other way? 

“She fucking killed him.” The brunette pulled out a phone. 

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Hyunjin glared daggers at the man, making him stop his movements. “You don’t even know what happened.” 

“You do?” The man scoffed. “Look at her! She’s holding the murder weapon.” 

Well yes… that looked REALLY bad.

Hyunjin’s eyes scanned the body, pausing to inspect each and every stab wound that littered his chest. There was no way a shard of glass that large would create such small wounds… Not to mention that the force of the glass against your skin would have left severe gashes in your hands. Judging by your unbroken skin, your drugged state, and the obvious knife wounds in the man’s body, there was no way you could have killed the man. 

Hyunjin felt his heart drop when his eyes rested upon your mother’s music box, completely shattered on the floor. Small, colorful glass pieces glistened in the moonlight. Wait a second… Did they break the music box, hoping to prove you guilty? It makes sense. If you broke your own music box, took a shard of glass, and killed a man, the hospital could get rid of you easily. The large shard of glass that rested in your hands was far too large to have been from the music box. 

Why on earth would someone want to do this to you? You were nothing but a calm, collected patient looking to regain her memories. Hyunjin couldn’t imagine you getting on someone’s bad side. You were far too sweet. 

Then again… He does have a bit of a crush on you… So perhaps he’s biased. 

Still — it would be unusual for a caretaker to handle another doctor’s patient. So he wasn’t sure how you could have gotten on someone’s bad side. 

Hyunjin paled, eyes widening as he recalled the events over the past few weeks. Since he arrived at the Rosewood Psychiatric Institution, he’s questioned the medication and treatments, refused to give you your medication, and pissed off the lead doctor’s right-hand man. Could someone be trying to get back at him?

That would do it. 

Anyone could see how much Hyunjin adored you. The boy never left your side. He’d do anything to make sure you were safe and taken care of — even if it meant soiling his somewhat mediocre reputation at the asylum. 

“She’s being set up,” Hyunjin mumbled, the words tumbling out of his lips before he could stop them. He really shouldn’t be saying stuff like this out loud, but… he was positive it was the truth. You were being set up. There was no way you killed that man. 

“What makes you think that Dr. Hyunjin?” Dr. Douglas’s voice startled Hyunjin out of his trance. 

The brunette standing in the corner seemed happy. “Dr. Douglas, you’re here! What are we going to do with her sir?”

Shut the fuck up you pretty son of a bitch.

“Look at her sir.” Hyunjin glanced down at you, noticing your far-off look. You were completely out of it. “She can’t get up, the shard of glass doesn’t match the stab wounds…” Hyunjin trailed off, trying to think. He had to use the right words or you were going to be taken away from him. “That glass would have cut her hands if she did it. She’s completely out of it sir, there’s no —”

Dr. Douglas cleared his throat. “Son,” 

Pure rage filled Hyunjin’s mind as he lashed out. “I��m not your son!” Hyunjin’s eyes were filled with pure hatred as he pulled your body closer to his chest. He had to protect you. He couldn’t let you go. He couldn’t let them take you from him. “I don’t understand why you aren’t at least interested in investigating this. What kind of doctor are you?” 

“One that cares about his patients.” Dr. Douglas glared at Hyunjin, voice matching his in volume. “This isn’t the first time she’s killed Dr. Hyunjin. I suggest you get your facts straight before jumping to conclusions.” 

Your eyes snapped to Hyunjin, regaining enough control over your body to grasp onto the thin fabric of his uniform. You’ve never killed a man… You’d remember that kind thing… right?

“That’s not true…” Hyunjin trailed off. It couldn’t be… Hyunjin looked into your eyes, heart breaking when he saw the genuine fear etched in your features. You were terrified. “She doesn’t have it in her.” 

“I don’t know what kind of lies she has you believing.” Dr. Douglas chuckled. “You’ve been here three months Hyunjin. You may have a couple of degrees hanging over your shoulder, but you don’t know everything.” Dr. Douglas turned to the brunette in the room. “Asher, go get Changbin.” 

So the bastard’s name was Asher...

Asher nodded, an evil smirk gracing his lips as he left the room. “Yes, sir.” 

God, that fucker was just waiting to get you in trouble. 

“Sir, you have to listen to me.” Hyunjin’s thumb rubbed soothing circles on your shoulder, trying to comfort you despite the fact that you were, most likely, headed to the serial killer side of the asylum. “She’s not like that. I don’t know who did this, but I know it wasn’t her.” 

“Hyunjin, watch it.” Dr. Douglas cut him off. “I won’t hesitate to fire you if you keep acting up.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but scoff. What is he a three-year-old? “I’m just concerned about my patient.” 

“We all are.” Dr. Douglas sighed. “We’re doing what’s best for her.” 

Yeah right…

Hyunjin felt his heart pang in his chest when Changbin ran into the room, eyes immediately scanning the bedroom for any threats. His eyes softened when they rested on you and Hyunjin. 

“Changbin, take her to one of the padded rooms until we can have a doctor meet with her.” Dr. Douglas crossed his arms over his chest, eyes practically daring Hyunjin to retort. 

Which he did~ 

“I’m a doctor. Why can’t I check her?” Hyunjin’s hateful eyes met Dr. Douglas’s annoyed stare. 

“You’re too close with the patient.” He sighed. 

“Then have Minho check her over.” Hyunjin glared, “Or Chan.” 

Dr. Douglas rolled his eyes, cutting off the conversation completely as he gave the command. “Take her away Changbin.” 

Changbin looked defeated. Hyunjin could tell he wanted to help, but his hands were tied. “Yes, sir.” Changbin kneeled down next to Hyunjin. “Sorry bud, I have to take her.” 

“No.” Hyunjin pulled you closer to his chest, praying that his iron grip could keep you in his arms. He didn’t want you to go. He was afraid of what would happen to you without his protection. “I’m going to protect her with all I’ve got.” Hyunjin clenched his eyes shut, begging his tears to go away. He couldn’t show weakness… not now. 

Changbin leaned in closer, whispering so no one else could hear, “You and I both know I’ll win this fight. I’m on your side.” Changbin gave him a look — one that was begging him to just go along with this, to let him take you away. Despite his heart telling him to hold you close, Hyunjin reluctantly let you go, allowing the older boy to lift you up effortlessly. 

Hyunjin noticed the look of betrayal in your eyes as you attempted to get out of Changbin’s grasp, body shaking and thrashing as much as you could in your drugged state. Tears ran down your face as you called out to him, your feeble cries shattering Hyunjin’s already broken heart. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he ran after Changbin. “Please just let me take her!” 

“Get out of here Hyunjin,” Changbin shouted over his shoulder. “You don’t want to see this.” 

“No,” Hyunjin ran as quick as he could, long legs allowing him to catch up to Changbin’s stride. He stood in front of Changbin, blocking the shorter man’s path with his body. “Please, she trusts me, just —” 

Hyunjin gasped as you slipped out of Changbin’s grasp, body falling to the floor with a loud thud. With what little strength you had, you pulled yourself over to Hyunjin, shaky hands grabbing his pant leg. “Please.” You sobbed. “Please don’t let them take me.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Hyunjin kneeled down, fingertips brushing the hair out of your face. That was it — the breaking point for him. After months of being in this shitty asylum, taking care of such a sweet girl, having doctors sabotage your recovery, he finally broke down. Hyunjin fell to his knees and pulled you to his chest, tears rolling down his face as he begged whatever Gods were above to keep you safe. He knew there was nothing he could do — he knew that you were most likely going to be tortured, abused, and drugged beyond all reason, and yet he knew he had to let you go. For your ultimate safety, he had to let Changbin take you away. 

“Hyunjin…” Changbin trailed off, resting his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. “Let her go.” 

“No.” Hyunjin sobbed. He felt like a toddler. Frankly… he was acting like one, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen to you. 

“Hyunjin —” 

“Let me.” Minho stepped forward, grabbing Hyunjin underneath the armpits and pulling him away from you. That very moment, Changbin pulled you out of his arms, quickly lifting you up and carrying you down the hallway before Hyunjin could stop him. Hyunjin thrashed around in Minho’s grip, crying out for you as you disappeared from his sight. 

As soon as Minho let him go, Hyunjin turned around and smacked Minho’s chest with such force, the older boy tumbled back into the wall behind him. “Why did you do that?” Hyunjin sniffled. “I could have helped her you asshole.” 

SMACK! 

Hyunjin grunted as Minho smacked him across the cheek, falling backward until he hit his back on one of the doorknobs. 

Damn that hurt. 

“You have to get your shit together.” Minho grabbed Hyunjin by the collar, roughly shoving him against the wall until the boy calmed down. “You can’t help her like this. Calm the fuck down and tell me what the hell happened.” 

Hyunjin rubbed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he explained. “She’s being framed for murder. They set it all up Minho.” Hyunjin told the boy everything, from the dead body in her room to the broken shard of glass resting in your hands. “It just doesn’t add up.” Hyunjin sniffled, trying to get his emotions in check. “You have to help me.” 

“You really do love her don’t you?” The older boy smirked. 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Now’s not the time to tease me over senseless shit.” 

“It’s not senseless if it’s true — and I know for a fact it’s true.” Minho chuckled when Hyunjin glared at him. “Okay okay, getting back on track. This isn’t the first time this has happened. From what you’re telling me, this is exactly what happened to my patient, Han Jisung.” 

“Your patient was framed for murder?” Hyunjin’s brows creased. Is that how they get rid of people? “What happened to him?”

“He made it out just fine.” Minho’s eyes softened. “She’ll be okay Hwang. Don’t worry so much. We’ll get her out of there.” 

“How do we do that?” Hyunjin didn’t even know where to start. 

“You really think I haven’t already come up with a plan?” Minho shook his head, making the younger boy chuckle. “I’m no genius like you Hwang, but I know exactly what to do.” 

-----------------------

Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.

Oh, how you wanted to rip that clock out of the wall. The least they could do is shut the damn thing off. Minutes melted into hours which morphed into days and here you were… stuck in this damn room. 

The padded room was the most dreadful place anyone could be in. There was nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to look at, and the caretakers only came in to force-feed you and shove pills down your throat. To top it off, the only things you got to listen to were the constant ticking of that shitty clock and the sounds of the voices in your head. 

Not those kind voices… Do you even have those anymore? No, you got to listen to the ones that told you horrible things. 

You were positive you were taking that bad drug Hyunjin’s been throwing out… Peroproxin. As soon as the pills were shoved down your throat, you could feel it in your bones. The crippling anxiety, anger, and panic transformed you into this person you couldn’t place. Your body felt shaky, mind racing with various worst-case scenarios and horrible possibilities as soon as you closed your eyes. It wasn’t as if you could keep them open. The damn room was so bright, it was borderline painful to look at. 

It had been three days since you were dragged down here. The barren white walls were slowly making you crazy. You just wanted out of there. You wanted Hyunjin. 

That boy was the only happiness you had in this world. All you wanted to do was sit next to him and hear him share the fond memories he has of his mother and father. You longed to hear him talk about college, his research, or just any old thing. Hyunjin could talk about garbage and it would intrigue you. 

The uncomfortable padded floor made you wish Hyunjin’s arms were around you instead. You thoroughly enjoyed resting in Hyunjin’s arms when you’ve had a bad day. He always knows exactly what to do to calm you down. You closed your eyes as you imagined Hyunjin’s arms around you, his gentle voice whispering soothing words in your ears. If only your imagination was good enough. 

It wasn’t the same...

You just wanted him — especially when you were one step away from losing your goddamn mind. That goddamn clock was literally driving you crazy. 

You used all your strength, punching, kicking, smacking the walls until someone punched the door on the other side. “Knock it off in there.” 

“Fucking make me.” You snarled, punching the door with more vigor. Why were you so angry? You were normally such a calm person. Was it the medicine? You couldn’t place why, but you were ready to claw someone’s eyes out. 

“Get the fuck back.” 

You laughed maniacally, hands threading in your hair as your mind turned against you. You officially lost it. 

As soon as your fingernails dug into your scalp, you heard the familiar boots scuff against the floor as the guards poured into the room. From what you could place, there were three. One kicked you to the ground, another pulled you up by your hair, and they all forced you into a straight jacket. Once you were completely secure, one of the guards kicked you down to the ground, leaving you stuck and helpless on the floor. 

Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock. 

Fuck the padded room. 

-----------------------

Hyunjin sighed, fingertips pinching the bridge of his nose as he mumbled, “The footage is missing.” 

“I see that dumbass.” Minho sighed. He was hoping the video footage would show the culprit, but he only found missing sections during the time of the murder. “Whoever we’re dealing with has access to security.” 

“They must have deleted the footage when Changbin was taking her to the padded room.” Hyunjin’s eyes drifted shut as he tried to keep his emotions in check. It’s already been three days. You were probably going crazy in there. Hyunjin prayed to God that you still trusted him — believed in his ability to help you. If you lost that trust… he didn’t know what he’d do. 

“I have a plan.” Minho blurted out. 

“Last time you had a plan it didn’t go too well,” Hyunjin smirked, nudging the older boy’s shoulder. 

Minho rolled his eyes. “Okay, unless you have a plan, I suggest you shut the fuck up and listen.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but chuckle. Being around Minho was a breath of fresh air. The older boy was snarky and sarcastic 90% of the time, but he had a big heart and hated this hospital just as much as he did. Hyunjin couldn’t imagine being stuck in that asylum without him. “What’s your plan?”

Minho’s face dropped slightly. “You’re not going to like it.”

“I’m not sucking anyone’s dick.” Hyunjin shook his head. “Especially not Dr. Douglas’s. I’d consider Asher though.” 

“Christ.” Minho couldn’t help but laugh. “Why is your mind always in the gutter?”

“You told me I wouldn’t like it.” Hyunjin snickered. “I started thinking about the worst thing you could possibly have me do and sucking dick is number one.” 

“Really?” Minho chuckled. “So you’d kill a man over sucking Dr. Douglas’s dick?”

“Okay, but…” Hyunjin trailed off. “I feel like his dick would be super gross.” 

“Oh my God, can we please stop talking about our boss’s dick?” Minho pushed Hyunjin’s shoulder, sending both of them into a fit of giggles. 

“Thanks.” Hyunjin smiled. “I needed this.” 

Minho shrugged. “I’m not doing anything. You were the one who brought up dick sucking.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but chuckle. “Ok seriously, what’s your plan?” 

“You’re going to have to apologize to Dr. Henry.” Minho smiled sheepishly at Hyunjin. 

“Okay.” Hyunjin threw his hands in the air. “Apologizing to that asshole officially tops dick sucking.” 

Minho laughed. “Seriously? Your logic confuses me.” 

“He’s such an asshole.” Hyunjin’s brows creased as he remembered all the bad things that man has done to you. “I’ll apologize but right after I leave I’m saying sike.” 

“Just keep him distracted so I can get my ass in there and look around.” Minho rolled his eyes at Hyunjin’s dramatics. 

“Fine.” Hyunjin crossed his arms. “Wait… Why Dr. Henry?”

Minho gave Hyunjin an exasperated look. “Seriously? He’s the shiftiest guy here.”

“Touché.” Hyunjin mumbled. “Fine, I’ll keep him distracted. You go find evidence to put that fucker in prison.” 

“We ride!” Minho darted out into the hallway, making the ebony-haired boy chuckle. 

Hyunjin rushed down the hallways, finding Dr. Henry as he headed back to his office. Minho was leaning against the wall, waiting for Hyunjin to make his move. 

Damn that boy moves fast. 

“Excuse me, sir!” Hyunjin speed-walked over to Dr. Henry, long legs making it easy to catch him while he was still a good distance away from the office. Frustration bubbled in Hyunjin’s chest as Dr. Henry rolled his eyes, shoving his pen in his front pocket as he turned to look at Hyunjin. “Do you mind if we talk for a second?”

“Of course not.” Dr. Henry crossed his arms, bracing himself for an argument. 

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior lately.” Hyunjin smiled nervously, messing with his hands in front of him. “I’ve been really nervous lately and with everything that’s going on with my patient, I just… I was on edge. I was hoping we could start over.” Hyunjin’s eyes shifted behind Dr. Henry, noticing Minho stealthily slip into the office. 

Minho sighed in relief as he closed the door behind him. First things first… he has to look through the paperwork on the desk. Perhaps he could find a written note or some sort of written evidence. He had to find something that would prove you didn’t murder that man. Minho’s eyes scanned the various papers, sighing when he saw typical prescriptions and doctor’s notes. Those wouldn’t help your case at all.

“Wait Dr. Henry!” 

Minho held his breath when he heard Hyunjin’s frantic voice. His shoulders relaxed when he heard Hyunjin start small talk with Dr. Henry on the other side of the door. 

Time to look through the drawers. Minho opened one of the drawers, nearly gagging when he saw a box of condoms. What kind of doctor needs condoms in this damn place? Who was he fucking? Probably Janice from the front desk. She was known to seduce the doctors in the institution. 

Minho quickly shut that drawer and opened another, gasping when he spotted a knife. Could this be it? Minho pulled the knife out of the drawer, eyes widening when he saw the blood stains coating the entire blade. 

This had to be it!

“Hyunjin I have to go back to work.” 

Minho quickly shoved the knife in his pocket, closed the drawer, and sat down in the chair neatly placed on the other side of Dr. Henry’s desk. 

“What are you doing here Minho?” Dr. Henry tossed a couple of files on his desk. “I don’t recall scheduling a meeting with you.” 

“I wanted to talk to you about the glass removal.” Minho trailed off, trying to think up a good lie. “One of Dr. Brock’s patients wandered out in the lobby and BROKE THE PURPLE VASE,” Minho said the last part louder, hoping Hyunjin was still out there to hear him. Please just go out there and break the damn vase… “We should probably remove glass decor everywhere to prevent patients from getting hurt.” 

Dr. Henry looked unamused as he opened one of his drawers, tossing his notepad in there for safekeeping. “Dr. Brock should be controlling his patient.” 

“But if —”

“Minho.” Dr. Henry glared at the younger boy. “I don’t have time for this pointless shit. If you think the glass should be removed, then remove it. You don’t have to talk to me about every little thing. I have better things to do.” 

“Yes, sir.” Minho sighed and stood up. “Sorry for disturbing you.” Minho frowned when Dr. Henry waved him off, eyes refusing to leave the file in front of him. “Asshole.” He mumbled under his breath as he walked out of the office, bumping into a frantic-looking Hyunjin. 

“I’m so sorry. I tried to get him to stop but he just barged through me.” Hyunjin’s eyes were full of worry, anxiety taking over him as he apologized for his carelessness. “I could have gotten you in so much trouble.” 

“What an asshole.” Minho’s brows creased as he remembered the conversation that took place in the office. That douchebag didn’t care about his patients one bit. 

Hyunjin’s head fell as he tried to apologize. “I’m so sorry. I suck. I had one job.” 

“No, not you dumbass.” Minho chuckled and ruffled the taller boy’s hair. “Did you break the vase?”

Confusion took over the Hyunjin’s features. “No? I was supposed to break a vase? When did that become a part of the plan?” 

Minho shrugged. Dr. Henry probably wouldn’t remember the conversation anyways. He was barely listening the whole time. “Nevermind. Come on, I have something to show you.” 

Hyunjin’s brows raised as he followed the older boy down the hallways to the security room. His heart dropped when he spotted the security feed, spotting your tired frame in the video. 

“Wait is she in a straight jacket?” Hyunjin rushed over to the monitor, enlarging the window so he could watch you. You were lying face up, staring at the ceiling, face devoid of all emotion as you did nothing. 

“No please, feel free.” Changbin sounded unamused. “I wasn’t doing anything important.” 

Minho sighed, resting his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Give him a break. He’s going through a lot.” Minho pulled Hyunjin away from the monitor, catching the attention of Chan. “He’s also not used to interacting with people.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes and started to retort, but Chan cut him off before he could say anything.  

“Hey, what are you two doing here?” Chan smiled. 

“Come over here Chan,” Minho called him over. “You’ll want to see this.” The boys all crowded around Minho as he pulled out the bloody knife, making everyone gasp. “Christ, what are y’all being dramatic for?” Minho rolled his eyes. “I found this in Dr. Henry’s desk.” Minho caught Hyunjin’s gaze. “Your girl didn’t kill that man.” 

“Dr. Henry did?” Hyunjin’s tongue ran over his chapped lips. “We need more proof. Dr. Douglas isn’t going —” 

“Dr. Douglas isn’t going to find out about this.” Minho cut Hyunjin off. “Dr. Henry is his right-hand man. There’s no way he’s going to believe us.” Minho sighed. “If anything he’ll find a way to blame you for that man’s murder.” 

“Who was he?” Chan fiddled with his thumbs as he asked. Hyunjin could tell that everyone was on edge. They were all involved in a secret that couldn’t be revealed. 

“Charles Johnson,” Changbin answered. “He wasn’t a patient here. We assume he was a visitor, but there’s no one here with the last name Johnson.” 

“He could have been visiting a friend.” Chan shrugged. 

Hyunjin bit his lower lip as his mind raced with endless possibilities. “Or perhaps he got in the way.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Hyunjin.” Minho set the bloody knife on the table. 

“From what I’ve seen, Dr. Douglas trusts Dr. Henry.” Chan pursed his lips. “Dr. Henry could have this whole hospital under his control and Dr. Douglas wouldn’t even know.” 

“Are you saying that Dr. Douglas has no idea what’s going on?” Hyunjin frowned. “I have a hard time believing that.” 

“I’m not saying anything like that.” Chan’s brows creased. “I’m just pointing out the facts.” Chan picked up the bloody knife and slid it into his pocket. “I’ll take this to the lab and we’ll see if the DNA matches up to Charles Johnson.” 

“How long will that take?” Minho asked as he leaned back against the wall.

“It’ll take around 24-48 hours.” Chan smiled, dimples showing full force as he rested his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulders. “I’ll try to go as fast as I can.” 

Hyunjin smiled sadly, eyes shifting back to your defeated frame on the monitor. “Please do.” 

-----------------------

The next couple of days were complete hell for Hyunjin. Since you were still technically his patient, he couldn’t take on another one. The first day Hyunjin filled prescriptions for 8 hours until he was released to go home. The second day, he decided to pester Minho. Thank goodness Minho was able to get him out of the asylum to walk around the gardens, otherwise, the boy probably would have gone crazy. 

“Hey, look.” Minho pointed to the front desk lady. “She’s fucking Dr. Henry.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but snicker. “How do you know this stuff?”

“I happen to know a lot of talkative people.” Minho shrugged. “That and I asked her.” 

“You asked her?” Hyujin giggled as he filed some paperwork. “Didn’t she find that weird?”

“Actually no.” Minho chuckled. “She’s practically fucked everyone but you and me in this damn place.” Minho cringed as he shoved a bunch of papers into a manila envelope. “She thought I was interested in her.” 

Right on queue, Janice sauntered over to Minho leaning against the counter, bright red lips puckered in a pout as she trailed her finger along his jaw. “Hey, baby. I enjoyed our little chat last night.”

“Please don’t touch me.” Minho pushed her hand off him, making Hyunjin snort. 

“Don’t be rude Minho,” Hyunjin smirked at the boy. “You didn’t tell me about your wonderful girlfriend.” 

Minho pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll end you.” Hyunjin threw his head back and laughed. “Seriously, I’ll murder your ass, bury you in the gardens, and dance on your grave.” Minho glared at the boy. 

“Don’t be like that baby.” Janice winked at Minho, making the boy cringe. 

“I’m into men,” Minho stated matter of factly. “I thought you knew that.” 

Janice’s eyes went wide as she gasped. “What? No, you’re not.” 

“Yeah, Hyunjin and I are dating.” Minho wrapped his arm around Hyunjin’s waist and squeezed his ass, making the younger boy burst out in laughter. “He laughs at everything, I’m not sure why.” 

Janice’s eyes shifted around, avoiding their gaze as embarrassment crept in. “I’m so sorry I thought you were straight.” She laughed nervously. “I’ll just leave you to it then.” Janice quickly scurried off, leaving Hyunjin a giggling mess. 

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you did that.” Hyunjin snickered. 

Minho glared at Hyunjin, sending him into another fit of laughter. “I can’t believe you called her my girlfriend.” Minho shivered. “I can’t date someone who’s fucked the entire hospital.” 

“Hey, guys.” Chan strolled into the room, frowning when he saw the two boys giggling amongst all the paperwork. “Okay, I’m curious. What’s up?”

“Oh, I just groped Hyunjin for a solid minute so I could get Janice to fuck off.” Minho shrugged as if that was a normal thing to say. 

Chan chuckled. “Good call.” He paused, pulling the murder weapon out of his pocket, making the boy’s laughter die down. “I have news.” 

Hyunjin grabbed the knife from Chan, sliding the blade into his pocket for safekeeping. “Go ahead. We’re listening.”

“The blood matches Charles Johnson.” Chan paused, trying to find the right words. “Dr. Henry’s fingerprints aren’t on the weapon.” 

“But it was in his office?” Hyunjin’s brows creased. Something about this whole situation didn’t feel right. If the weapon was in Dr. Henry’s office, that meant he set up the murder, right? Was someone else trying to frame Dr. Henry? The man was an asshole, but Hyunjin didn’t feel right accusing him of murder if he didn’t do it. “How did it get in his office then?”

“I have no idea.” Chan sighed. “He doesn’t keep his door locked, so it’s possible that someone was trying to frame him.” Chan shrugged. “Either way, you have enough to release her. Her fingerprints aren’t on the murder weapon.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes brightened instantly. “Really?”

“Don’t accuse Dr. Henry of murder.” Chan lowered his voice. “We have no proof and he’ll just try to pin the murder on you.” 

“I’ll tell him that I found someone slipping that in his office.” Hyunjin smiled. “Thank you.” The younger boy turned to Minho, an excited smile gracing his features. “Come on, let’s go!” Hyunjin’s smile dropped when he saw Minho hesitate, eyes full of uncertainty as he took a step back.

“I can’t.” Minho sighed as he looked down at his feet, avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze. “I’m sorry, but I can’t keep getting wrapped up in this.” 

Hyunjin felt a pang in his chest. “What… What do you mean?”

“Please understand, I have to keep my good reputation here —” 

“It’s fine.” Hyunjin held his hand up, stopping the boy in his tracks. “I get it.” 

Hyunjin stormed out of the room before Minho had a chance to explain further. Of course, he understood. The boy had been working at the Rosewood Psychiatric Institution for years, and if they wanted to break out of that place, they’d need someone on the inside. Still… Hyunjin was kind of hoping Minho would be there with him to expose Dr. Henry for who he really was. 

Hyunjin walked quickly down the hallways, knife in his pocket as he headed to Dr. Henry’s office. His heart dropped in his chest the more he thought about Minho. He knew the boy was still his best friend but… Hyunjin couldn’t shake the thought that he was pushing Minho to do things he didn’t want to do. Maybe the boy was content living in this fucked-up place? Hyunjin never really had a friend before — the last thing he wanted to do was ruin his friendship with Minho. 

He shook his head as he trudged forward. He had to stay focused! Hyunjin stormed into Dr. Henry’s office, slamming the murder weapon on the desk. “I saw someone smuggle this into your office.” Hyunjin panted. “Someone’s trying to frame you for murder.” 

“Are you sure it wasn’t you?” Dr. Henry smirked as he stared into Hyunjin’s eyes. “For all I know, you killed that man.” 

Fuck, he didn’t think this through. 

“Look, her prints aren’t on the weapon. Here’s the report I pulled.” Hyunjin slid over some paperwork, sighing in relief as Dr. Henry looked over the contents on the front page. “We could only identify the DNA from Charles Johnson. We couldn’t find the killer.” Hyunjin sighed, hoping Dr. Henry would be reasonable. “Please release her.”

“You have to get Dr. Douglas’s permission.” Dr. Henry pursed his lips. “I can’t do anything about this.” 

“Yes, you can.” Hyunjin leaned forward, practically begging for the man’s help. “Please sign off on her release.” 

Dr. Henry sighed and signed the papers. “Here. I’ll talk to Dr. Douglas. Just don’t go mentioning this to anyone. I’m not willing to fork out favors to everyone.” 

“Thank you so much.” Hyunjin bowed and snatched the papers, instantly leaving the office. He sprinted down the hall, heading straight for the room you were contained in. Hyunjin rolled his eyes when he spotted the guards lounging outside the door, messing around on their phones instead of watching you. 

“Sir, you aren’t supposed to be here.” One of the guards stood up and hovered in front of Hyunjin, attempting to appear bigger than he was. 

Hyunjin would have laughed at the smaller man if he wasn’t so concerned about getting you out of that room in one piece. “Let me in.” Hyunjin demanded, shoving the signed paperwork into the guard’s hands. “Now.” He leaned forward, using his height to his advantage as he hovered over the smaller guard. 

The guard merely scoffed. “I just said —” 

“Read the damn paperwork.” Hyunjin sighed in frustration as the guard looked over the papers. All he wanted to do was get you out of there — to let you know that you weren’t alone, that he was fighting for you this entire time. 

The guard sighed before opening the door, allowing the ebony-haired man to rush into the room. His breath hitched when his eyes rested upon your frame. You were lying face-up on the floor, face emotionless as you stared up at the ceiling. Hyunjin could see your lips moving as if you were reciting something over and over again to keep your mind off the painfully empty room. 

Hyunjin rushed over to you, soft soothing words escaping his lips as he practically ripped the straight jacket off your body. Your eyes glassed over as Hyunjin helped you stretch out your arms. God, it felt so good to have his gentle hands on you. It had been days since you’ve seen another human being, let alone someone as kind as Hyunjin. 

The boy pulled you into his arms, rocking you slowly as your shaky hands grasped his shirt. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered. You could swear you felt his lips press against the top of your head but… maybe that was just your imagination. “I tried to get you out of here as fast as I could.” 

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck. The words wouldn’t come out, but he must have heard your silent thanks. Hyunjin gently lifted you up, hands guiding your legs to wrap around his waist as he stood up and carried you out of the room. Part of you was happy to see the barren halls. You couldn’t fathom seeing Hyunjin get in trouble for breaking you out of the padded room. 

Hyunjin somehow, after a couple of tries, managed to open the door to your room with his foot. You couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the boy’s failed attempts. “Hey don’t laugh at me, I’m trying.” Hyunjin smiled as he carried you to your bed. The ebony-haired boy gently lowered you onto the mattress, hands quickly tucking your blankets around your body. 

“You’re safe now.” Hyunjin’s thumb ran across your cheek. “I won’t let them take you again.” 

You wanted — so badly — to tell him how much you appreciate him, but you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth. You were frozen in your own body, the pain and suffering from the past few days leaving you an empty shell. Your hand darted out, grasping Hyunjin’s wrist, turning the boy’s attention to you. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you pulled his wrist closer, hoping the boy’s body would follow. You needed him. 

Hyunjin’s eyes darted to the door as Chan stepped into the room, ready to take over his morning shift. “I’ll stay with her today.” Hyunjin’s soft voice was oddly soothing to your ears. Chan merely nodded and left, leaving the two of you alone to sort out your feelings. 

Hyunjin crawled in bed with you, sliding underneath the blankets so he could pull you to his chest. “Hey, it’s okay.” His fingertips ran through your hair, the sounds of his steady breathing mixed with his frantic heartbeat helped comfort you as you cried in his chest. “I tried to get you out as soon as I could.” Hyunjin’s arms tightened around you. “We found the murder weapon. We were able to prove that you’re innocent.” 

Your emotions were overwhelming — panic racing through you as you sobbed into Hyunjin’s chest. You thought you’d be stuck there forever. You thought Hyunjin gave up on you and yet — here you are, laying in the man’s arms as he whispered sweet comforting words into your ear. 

“Want to hear something funny?” Hyunjin smiled when you nodded. “Minho was going through Dr. Henry’s desk and figured out that he was sleeping with the receptionist. She came to flirt with him and he told her he was gay.” Hyunjin chuckled. “He told her that I was his boyfriend grabbed my ass to prove a point.” You couldn’t help but snort at the taller boy as you smacked his chest. 

Good. He was able to get you to smile again. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Hyunjin’s fingertips drew small patterns on your back, the soothing touch making you melt into his embrace. Your hands grasped Hyunjin’s shirt as you adjusted your position, holding him closer to your shivering frame. 

“I feel wrong.” You mumbled against his shirt. “I’m scared.” 

Hyunjin tightened his hold on you, fingers running through your hair as he slowly rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay, love.” His cheek rested against the top of your head. “It’s okay. I’m here now.” 

Hearing those sweet soothing words from Hyunjin made you feel calmer with each passing second. He always found a way to pull through — no matter what the cost. The entire time you were in that room, you thought of him. You longed to hear his voice, feel his touch, but most of all, you wanted his lips against yours. 

Wait… what?

Your hands tightened on his shirt as you gasped, startling the boy beneath you. 

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin’s bright eyes were filled with concern as he checked you over, making sure you weren’t hurt. His eyes widened when he lifted your shirt, spotting several bruises along your ribs. “Oh my God, what did they do to you?”

You pushed his hands away from your body. There was a bigger problem at hand. You loved your caretaker. You can’t love your caretaker! They’ll take him away. Besides… He couldn’t love a crazy person. Hyunjin should be out in the world falling in love with a beautiful, happy, down-to-earth woman… not you. 

God, why were you panicking?

“Hey, hey.” Hyunjin grabbed your arms, steadying you as he looked into your eyes. “What’s going on sweetheart? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” 

“I love you!” 

[purplesurveys]

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[created by: joybucket]

What was the last thing you ate? We had adobo for dinner. I didn’t find it filling though, so I might get some of my mom’s bread pudding sometime tonight as a midnight snack.

What is one thing you're a hoarder of? Receipts, for no reason whatsoever other than the frequent nagging feeling at the back of my head telling me I might need to pull out a certain receipt one of these days just in case I get into any issues, so I end up keeping all of them.

Do you collect magazine clippings? No. I used to but they’re all gone now.

What rating do you normally give surveys? I just take them on here. I visit Bzoink pretty often but I never made an account so I haven’t been able to rate the surveys I’ve taken.

Name someone you wish acted the way he/she used to. I wanna say Gab, but she’s better off figuring out who she wants to be and is meant to be for now. Otherwise, I don’t really have an answer to this; all the people I know are pretty dang fantastic.

Have you ever worked in food service? No.

What was your favorite job that you've had? I’ve only had one job, and I definitely can’t complain about it.

Does your stomach hurt currently? Nope. I’m actually on day 2 of my period, but fortunately the pain really ever only takes place on day 1 for me. The rest of my period usually goes smoothly.

What's one medication condition that you have? I don’t have any. I have one medical condition – scoliosis – but I don’t take any medication for it.

Do you forget passwords a lot? LOL yessssss, because websites have varying rules on what they can count as a password – some want 8 characters, some want 12, some want upper case letters, some want a symbol; so even though I use the same password for everything I typically have to make 84954983573475 variations of them anyway that I end up forgetting.

What is the most you've ever weighed? Not sure, maybe a little over 100 lbs.

Do you plan your wedding on Pinterest? No, I never understood how Pinterest worked :/ I lasted all of 5 minutes on there until I felt bored.

Would you want your first child to be a girl or a boy? I’d love a girl.

Who are the cutest babies on Facebook? The Song triplets will always be babies to me, no matter how big they get.

Do you refer to coral as pink, orange, salmon, or coral? Those are four different colors/shades that you’ve just named right there.... < Lmaooooooo same thoughts. I would just call it coral because that’s what it is.

Name someone whom you wish would apologize to you. I have a name in mind and you guys already know who it is. I’m at peace regardless if I get an apology or not (I definitely won’t), though – and I count that as a win. It’s absolutely batshit insane that I never heard one apology but instead got a million “Can’t you give me credit for trying?” I can’t help but chuckle every time I take myself back to those moments. Thankful I got out of there :)

Do you own a record player? I don’t, but I’d love to have one.

Do you have many regrets? No.

Do you wish your regrets would stop coming back to haunt you? I don’t have a lot of them, so I don’t let them bother me to begin with.

Have you had any regrets in the past week? Can’t say I’ve had any.

What do you not know how to say no to? Requests/favors. I’m a people pleaser through and through.

Have you ever been mad at God? Yup, that’s why I let go of religion at a very young age. I was going through shit no kid should’ve been going through and the idea that some deity is making it happen because it was supposed to encourage me have more faith was utterly stupid. I had no problem disowning whatever god I was desperately trying to latch on to by the time I was 10.

If you don't have a car, do you feel like you're missing out? I have a car. I don’t own it, but it was designated for me.

What is your favorite cousin's name? Jereth. I keep forgetting where they got his name from, but it was from like a German movie or something like that.

Who do you wish were your best friend? Hayley Williams.

Would you ever consider moving to L.A.? Never. Just never seemed like my kind of city. Not to mention the amount of Asian/Asian-American hate crimes I’ve been hearing about recently. The US is undeniably out of my list of places I’d want to step foot in, much less live in.

List 5 other names that start with the same letter of your name. Rhiannon, Riley, Rocky, Rachel, and Russell.

Have you ever known anyone who's name started with a "Y"? Yes, I went to college with a girl named Yumi. Yanna is also still a good friend of mine and we catch up every once in a while.

^If yes, what was it? Oops, mentioned them already. There are also a couple more Y people I know but I’m not close to them nor are we in the same social groups, so idk how to classify them. 

Did you hear laurel or yanny? It’s been a while since I let myself get carried away by that ~meme, but I think I heard yanny.

Owls or penguins? Penguins. But owls are great too.

What is your go-to comfort food? Probably something with grease that is fried. < This is an awesome answer. Right now though, I’ve been frequently getting spicy tuna salad every Friday to reward myself after a work week.

What is the best coffee shop in your town? Tim Hortons. < Tim Hortons is greeeeaaaat, but all the branches are in Metro Manila and not at all near me :( That said, my pick would probs be Starbucks. There’s a new local coffee shop where I live called Ghost Coffee and I had been meaning to check it out, but quarantine part two happened.

Do you prefer Pinterest or Tumblr? Tumblr, but then again don’t they have different features and purposes?

Do you think blonde is the best hair color? No.

In your opinion, what is the best hair color? I don’t think that there really is a “best” hair color... < Same. Tbh I’ve noticed that I only ever get attracted to brunettes, but I don’t think that necessarily makes it the best hair color.

If applicable, what is the name of your YouTube channel? I think it’s just my name since my account is linked to my Google.

Do you wear glasses? Yes, but I haven’t worn mine in a while since one of the legs snapped. I’ve been managing well without it, but I plan on getting a new pair soon. At least as soon as I grow the pussy to book an appointment HAHA

What's one nickname you have? Leigh calls me Robs. It’s not my favorite, but Leigh is like a sister to me so she’s the only person permitted to call me such.

What's one thing you miss? Being in crowded places and living in those moments.

Do you have a favorite spot in church? I hate being at a church; but to answer this, my very enthusiastic mom used to always pick the very front and center row for our family to sit at, so you can imagine how glad I am not to have to do this anymore because of Covid :)))

Who was the biggest bully in your high school? Bullies stopped being a thing in high school. All the friend groups just minded their own business for the most part, ours included.

Which news story has still stuck with you years later, and why? Manila hostage crisis. It was really scary and the fact that the entire thing was being streamed live on the evening news at a time when livestreaming was still a fairly unfamiliar concept made it even more unsettling.

Have you ever REALLY had a celebrity crush? On Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet, yep. These days my eyes are on Kim Seon Ho hahaha, and I also feel a future crush on BTS’ Jungkook coming through.

Did you ever have to wear a school uniform? From preschool to high school. Didn’t have to anymore once I started college.

Do you collect washi tape? No. I neverrrrrrr saw the big deal, but then again I’m probably just not craftsy enough to see the point lmao.

Tell me something random that happened to you today. I took an afternoon nap for the first time in many months, and I woke up feeling completely disheveled and confused about the day and time. It’s been a while since I got that sensation and I did not miss it.

If you're a girl, are you on your period? I am, actually.

Are there any balloons in the room you're in right now? Yeah, the balloons we had set up for my dad for his 50th birthday celebration are surprisingly still alive. We originally had them in our accommodation in Tagaytay, but we brought the balloons home and put them up on the 2nd floor corridor, and they’re still all up there.

Do you have the windows open? I do, because the wind is actually pretty chilly tonight. I’m even wearing a hoodie in freaking April, which never happens.

What's one good name for a new puppy? Depends on their personality. It took hours for us to name Cooper, so it wouldn’t be easy to think of a name for a puppy I’ve never even met.

Would you collect antiques if you were rich? Depends on what kind, but yeah, I might consider it.

Did you dream last night? Yes.

Do you forget dreams or remember them? (or do you not dream?) I remember them in the first few minutes of waking up, but my memories of them gradually fizzle out throughout the day.

What color is your phone? Black.

Do you often have your phone on vibrate? Yes, because I often have meetings and it’s a big nuisance whenever there’s a ringtone that chimes in the middle of one.

Name something that gives you headaches. Working in front of the laptop for too long.

Do you have a secret hiding spot? My car, sometimes.

Have you ever lived in a place that had a secret passageway? Nope.

Did you play with legos as a kid? Yes, but I was never too imaginative for it. I just liked making tall towers and then dismantling them right after.

If applicable, what color is the rim of your bedroom mirror? White.

Can you be scatterbrained? Sure.

[gruntydiecast]

Casting Call: Vector W8

First off, I’d like to apologize for the fact that I’ve not been updating my Tumblr lately. I’ve been busy at work and haven’t had time to write something. To make up for this... I’m writing quite possibly one of my longest posts yet.

By popular demand, this is the casting you chose on Instagram for me to document: the Vector W8. Grab some popcorn, a drink or some music... and enjoy the read. This is also in some ways a car that time forgot, but it’s not a concept car... but I can break the rules because I made them.

When it comes to cars of the ‘80s, there is a debate as to what the best car of the era was. Many say it would be either the Lamborghini Countach or the Ferrari Testarossa. But I have something that is neither of those things. Today, we’re going to take a trip down memory lane and explore the car that attempted to elevate a small company to the dizzying heights of the supercar realm. This... is the Vector W8.

First, here’s a bit of background. The W8 was manufactured by a company known as Vector Motors, then known as Vector Aeromotive. The company was founded in 1971 as Vehicle Design Force by Gerald “Jerry” Wiegert in Wilmington, California; we’ll get to the full history of Vector in a post in the near future because it is honestly very interesting.

In essence, the W8 was a highly refined version of the Vector W2, one of the company’s initial prototypes (the “W” in the name stood for “Wiegert”). Wiegert wanted to put the W2 into production, but an economical downturn prevented him from doing so. However, by the ‘80s, Wiegert had eventually secured enough capital through public stock offerings and even various lawsuits, allowing him to chase his dream: to build his ultimate sports car, designed and built by his own company.

Design inspiration for the W8 (and by extension the W2) came from this green car: the Alfa Romeo Carabo (Hot Wheels actually did a model of this way back when). Its sleek, futuristic and aerodynamic design was perfect for Wiegert, especially with the aerospace theme the company was going for in the ‘80s.

Combining the sleek looks of the Carabo with the geometry and technology of fighter jets of the time like the F-15 Eagle, F-16 Fighting Falcon and F/A-18 Hornet, Wiegert and chief designer David Kostka set out to create what would be quite possibly the most insane supercar of the ‘80s, and probably still is now: the Vector W8. The term “Aeromotive Engineering” was used to describe the process of manufacturing this car, for the car used the newest and most advanced aerospace materials when manufacturing the W8.

The car passed the mandatory DOT crash tests and emissions tests. It used a semi-aluminum monocoque chassis which was epoxy bonded and riveted using 5000 aircraft-specification rivets with an aluminum honeycomb floorpan. The body was made mainly of carbon fiber and Kevlar. The car featured scissor doors, like a Lamborghini.

The beating heart of the W8 was this: a highly-modified aluminum resleevable 6.0L Rodeck twin-turbocharged racing V8 with variable boost pressure. The engine produced 625 horsepower and made 649 lb⋅ft (880 N⋅m) of torque at 4,900 rpm at 8 psi of boost pressure, and as if the Rodeck V8 couldn’t get any more ridiculous, it featured TRW forged pistons, Carrillo stainless steel connecting rods, stainless steel valves and roller rocker arms, a forged crank, a dry-sump oiling system with three separate filters and braided stainless steel hoses with anodized red and blue fittings. This engine sounded mad; click here to hear a Vector starting up and revving.

Yes, you heard that correctly; variable boost. The boost for both turbochargers was adjustable from 8 to 14 psi through a dial in the interior. And speaking of which, let’s talk about that next; because, if you thought the engine was already mad enough, the interior is on a whole other level.

As you can see, the interior of the W8 is mad. Fighter jet-inspired screen? Check. A million buttons everywhere? Check. Gauges? ...no check. And hang on... is that what I think it is? A Turbo-Hydramatic 425 transmission?

Yep, that’s right, and that just makes the car a lot more insane; this ridiculously powerful 6.0L Rodeck V8 was mated to a 3-speed Turbo-Hydramatic 425 automatic transmission. Next to it on the right was the handbrake, sort of shaped like the throttle on a fighter jet. Due to the placement of the transmission and the handbrake, the driver side doorsill is very, very wide, making it a bit tough for the driver to get in and out of the car. You will also notice that there are buttons on top of the gear stick. I’ll get to those now.

As if this car couldn’t get any more ridiculous. This is the screen of the Vector W8, with four different settings (controlled with those four buttons), marked “Main”, “Performance”, “Performance” again and “Chassis”. This is the “Main” screen, showing the odometer, fuel gauge, speedometer and tachometer.

This is the first “Performance” screen, showing engine temperature, oil pressure and temperature, the tachometer reading and various other metrics.

The third screen was the second “Performance” screen, showing the transmission pressure (because it had a torque converter) and transmission temperature as well as battery voltage.

The last screen was the “Chassis” screen, which showed a picture of the W8 which updated in real time when a door was opened, when the engine compartment was opened and so on.

On the other side, you will notice that the W8 doesn’t actually have a partition between the driver and passenger side footwells. So it is a little awkward. This car also has no glovebox; in its place is a... CD changer?

Yes, that’s right. The car came with an in-car stereo... and a Sony CDX-A2001 ten-disc CD changer which graced the entire right side of the car’s already insane instrument panel. This was a nice innovation, although it did came with one drawback; no passenger-side airbags. Good luck if you get into a crash riding shotgun.

Back to the interior though. It was upholstered in premium leather and suede, with electrically adjustable leather Recaro seats and featured a premium air-conditioning system. Some driving amenities such as power steering were excluded. The seating position for the driver was made slightly towards the center for better drivability.

The rear of the W8 was dominated by lines, and the rear sightline... wasn’t very good, mainly because of that gigantic wing. The license plate holder is located on the left and apparently may have been an afterthought. “TWINTURBO” is seen gracing the back.

The car also features a trunk which is just behind the engine.

As for the front... oh, right, the headlamps. They’re not pop-up... they’re pop-DOWN.

The car also has a storage cubby up front, although really, it wasn’t much.

Also gracing the front were windshield wipers, as you would expect on practically every other car. However, there wasn’t just one, nor was there just two: there were THREE. A moonroof was also standard. It also had sliding side windows like a race car, as well as power-adjustable side mirrors.

The logo on the side of the car was the only thing that really gave any indication as to what manufacturer it was.

The car had unique six-spoke “turbine” wheels fitted to Michelin XGT Plus tires; the car used 255/45ZR-16s in the front and very, very strange 315/40ZR-16s in rear. These wheels were apparently of a bespoke design made to the driver’s specifications. 

In terms of suspension, the W8 featured double A-arms up front and De Dion tube suspension at the rear, located by four trailing arms that stretched all the way forward to the firewall. The W8 used 13-inch vented disc brakes with Alcon aluminum 4-piston calipers.

In terms of performance, the Vector shined; it claimed to be able to do 389 km/h (242 mph) and a 0-60 mph (0-97 km/h) time of 3.9 seconds. These numbers were never officially tested, but if true, these are very impressive numbers for the time. Okay, enough about the W8’s performance and figures; let’s get to the part you’ve been waiting for, the history.

The W8 was first introduced in 1988 with a sticker price of about $185,000, priced within striking range of European competitors like the Lamborghini Diablo.

One high profile owner of a W8 was this man: Andre Agassi, although he ended up giving the car a bit of a bad rap. Agassi had insisted that his car be delivered before it was fully prepared; Vector agreed to this on the condition that Agassi not drive it and keep it in storage as the car was adjusted for the various emissions regulations in place. Agassi did not listen and drove it and ended up burning the rear carpeting due to an overly hot exhaust system; Agassi ended up requesting for a refund, which was ultimately granted. I’ll let you decide who’s at fault here.

Car And Driver magazine also tested the W8, but couldn’t complete testing because all three cars they were sent somehow managed to break down in different ways, leading to even more bad publicity. However, not all is bad as Road and Track magazine waxed lyrical about the Vector, praising practically every aspect of the W8’s performance.

Vector was still going strong in 1993, selling W8s; however, Wiegert was already planning for a successor. That successor was to be known as the AWX-3, better known as the WX-3 (Hot Wheels also made a model of this one too), where the name stood for Avtech Wiegert eXperimental, 3rd generation.

I’ll get into more details of the WX-3 in a later blog when I receive my WX-3 from the United States. Production of the W8 ultimately came to a halt in 1993 as Wiegert attempted to put the WX-3 into production; however, as the company was engaged in a hostile takeover by a Bermuda-based Indonesian company known as MegaTech, production never resumed and Vector entered a sharp decline. I’ll get into the rest of that history in another post.

In total, twenty-two cars were produced; seventeen of which were customer cars and five of which were prototypes. The car is now worth over $1 million today; so, if for some reason you ever see a car that looks like this on the roads, drop everything and take as many pictures as you can, because you have just seen one of only twenty-two Vector W8s. Okay, now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, let’s get to the reason why you’re here.

This... is the Hot Wheels version of the Vector W8. Named the Vector W8 Twinturbo in the Hot Wheels lineup, this casting was first introduced in the 2012 HW Boulevard series in the Ahead Of Its Time sub-series. This casting was designed by Manson Cheung.

The base of the W8 features no mention of “Vector” anywhere; instead, just the SKU is displayed: W4831.

The sides feature the text “VECTOR W8 TWINTURBO” and nothing else. Black lines streak across the back to represent the engine cover.

The rear fascia is nice, although my only real gripe is a lack of rear detail apart from the engine cover.

The front fascia is also well done, with “VECTOR” and “TWIN TURBO” on the windshield, although a lack of detail on the body apart from the side reflectors leaves me wanting more. The interior is painfully cramped so I can’t get any good photographs, but what I see are the Turbo-Hydramatic shift lever, the steering wheel, seats and molded pedals (those pedals are part of the base). The distinctive screen and CD changer are absent from the instrument panel, but of course, you can’t have everything.

Folks, I believe you may have heard of the term “One-Hit Wonder” before. This is exactly an example of that; the W8 only saw one release in the HW Boulevard series and has not been seen since. As a result, prices for the Vector have been steadily climbing on eBay and I don’t see them going down for some time; why don’t you take a look for yourself?

I hope this long writeup has given you a better idea on this turbocharged thrasher, and what is quite possibly my new favorite supercar from the ‘80s; step aside, Lamborghini Countach. As usual, I’d do something like this any day.

This article is the first in a three-part series I will call The Vector Saga. The series will document the W8, the WX-3, and the history of Vector Motors as a whole.

[audiogrizzly]

Top 5 Games of 2019

It was a little tricky to construct a top 5 for this year, though there have been a couple of surprises.  I wasn’t expecting the year to be a bit crap as we are no w on the cusp once more of a new generation.  But 2012 wasn’t all that bad of a year (PS4 and Xbox One would release in 2013) and at the moment, everyone is doing alright.  PS4 has sold through over 100 million systems, Nintendo are definitely on an “on” generation with Switch, Xbox has been able to get back into peoples good books with things like Game Pass (on both Console and PC, their PC side they seem to really be turning around), there’s even interesting things happening in the mobile space with Apple Arcade.

This won’t be the last year where my top 5 games are full of current gen titles, I am expecting the new systems to drop in around November, last time it was hard to find a top 5 specific to PS4 (as I listed each platform separately back then).  It IS however, another list of mostly AAA tier games.  If you want to know what smaller more “interesting” games I have been playing, check out my honourable mentions at the end.

Also, follow me on Melee.  It’s this new image blogging service from Imgur which you can download now on the IOS App Store (its just on iPhone at the moment) and it has seemingly been built to help people share gaming related clips and images off of places like Twitter and Instagram (and err, here on Tumblr).  I posted a couple of daft clips of me failing in Modern Warfare and Destiny 2 and it didn’t take long for them to amass a few likes and comments.

That sounded like a sponsored advert but ain’t nobody paying me for this.  Let’s get into my top 5

5. Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order

I was about to select Gears 5 to be my number 5 until I saw sense and cast my memory back to when I started playing Jedi (all the way back in November.  I was impressed by its intense action, impressive visuals and great characters.  I especially enjoyed the 4 armed pilot who always complains.  I did feel that towards the end I got sick of managing large groups of enemies so I dropped the difficulty to get through it, but I still haven’t achieved 100% of activities on all planets so I can still go back to it one day.

4. Borderlands 3

We all knew this was coming but not even I had any idea that we would have been actually playing it in 2019 way back at the start of the year.  For me, I look at the game.  I don’t care about weird magicians or their insane sounding legal woes, all I’m interested in is the work of a team who deserved better for their last title, but am still glad returned to what they do best, looting and shooting.  I enjoyed rejoining these characters I have followed over the last 10 years, all the referenced to older games, cameos from characters from Tales From the Borderlands and The Pre Sequel and was sad to see some people go.  I still have about a year of extra content to go through and I really appreciate the efforts they have made to make the game last longer than just one playthrough through in the Proving Grounds, Circle of Slaughter and Mayhem modes.  Though I have always tended to stick to Borderlands games and create builds for each and every vault hunter, so I will be doing that.

3. Mortal Kombat 11

It’s been a while since I last put a fighting game into my end of year round up.  And I HAVE fallen off MK11 a little bit, but this entry reminded me of how impressive it is for Nether Realms to pack their fighting games with some many things to do and keep people playing outside of just going into matchmaking and fighting others.  The Vault this year is basically another little adventure full of exploration and puzzle solving and the Towers of Time give you plenty of challenge and direction of many months to come.  You also have to give the developer credit for never backing down on the brutality of the game, they must have all got their heads together after DC Universe vs. and vowed never again to make watered down versions of Fatalities.  It is a game that keeps getting better and better.

2. Call of Duty Modern Warfare

I was debating whether or not to include this years CoD.  I always get the same type of enjoyment out of it each year, people complain that it never changes but I’m glad it sticks to a formula.  Of course they are not identikit games, there are new maps, new modes, new ways of building your loadout and new touches, like how in this year you can snap to edges to stay in cover while you shoot, there’s the new special equipment system where you can drop ammo or reduce your footstep noise.  Having doors you can either peek through or smash open adds another level of strategy, there have been times where I have been able to escape being under fire by closing a door, re-positioning and then wasting whoever just wanders in.

The campaign this year, good to see it back, but whatever, the co-op mode is Spec Ops again, like it was back in MW2 and 3 but on a much larger scale, I have yet to complete one of these btw.  But as always, it’s the multiplayer that does it for me and Modern Warfare deserves credit for being what must be the first AAA game to feature cross platform play, not just launch with it.  I know that games like Fortnite are popular, but I don’t see that as a AAA title, it doesn’t have the full package, it’s just a mode and it started off small.  Call of Duty is expected to be big each year, has a lot riding on it and allowing for cross play is a big step.  I especially appreciate being able to play with a keyboard and mouse on PS4 and being able to matchmake only with people playing with controllers on PC, in fact, I have never really given the game much of a shot on PC before as I know people just fall of it, there has often been low player numbers reported on the PC versions of CoD and it looks like it won’t have that problem this time round due to cross play.

Modern Warfare still has to contend with Destiny 2 and Overwatch for my time as my main multiplayer game but it’s still as fun as ever.

1. Control

Put this down as my main “surprise” game of 2019.  A game which was not on my watch list, though I was aware of it as you can’t ignore a game from the makers of Max Payne (I did skip Alan Wake and didn’t care much for Quantum break though).  Bought it at the last minute before its release, downloaded it and was wowed by the sinister nature of the environment you run around in.  This weird fictitious US government agency which looks into paranormal activity which you seem to have become in charge of because you picked up a mysterious weapon from the deceased Director while searching for your brother.  What then follows is about 12 hours of wacky powers and odd video clips as you unearth what has been going on in this strange ever morphing building.

I especially loved how the game never holds your hand too much, the map of each floor is vague enough that you also have to rely on in-game signposting to move around, as well as a bit of memory work.  There is also great humour involved too in some of the PSA posters on a lot of the walls, the antics of the caretaker and the videos you find of Dr. Darling throughout the game.

I did have a few weird technical issues with the game throughout playing, but still found it to be visually pleasing, there was this weird hitch that used to appear after coming out of the pause screen that always threw me, it would be followed by a few moments of low performance before getting back into the smooth action.  But this didn’t stop me from having a great time with Control.  Perhaps the game that will be the most prominent in my head when I think of 2019.

So there you have it, control is my best game of 2019.  But let’s look at the other new games I played throughout the year in my honourable mentions:

Gears 5

The Outer Worlds

Days Gone

Apex Legends

Far Cry New Dawn

Trover Saves the Universe

Concrete Genie

Devil May Cry 5

Tom Clancy's The Division 2

And also a special mention to these old games that were rereleased/remastered/repackaged etc in 2019:

Borderlands Game of the Year Edition Remastered

Halo Reach

And now, a look at the games I have on my watchlist for 2020:

Cyberpunk 2077

Last of Us Part 2

Ghost of Tsushima

Halo: Infinite

Watch Dogs Legion

Phantasy Star Online 2

Gods & Monsters

Doom Eternal

Overwatch 2

Diablo IV

Minecraft dungeons

Marvel's Avengers

Carrion

Streets of Rage 4

Will they all even come out?  Let’s find out, happy new year!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 24 S3: Blimp’s Ultimate Form

So, I realized as I sat down to the blog today that I’ve been doing this for like...a year and half now? I think? So I figured...how many of these have I MADE? Cuz I thought...I MUST be getting close to the 100th recap pretty soon, and guys, the answer was shocking.

This is, in fact, the 121st recap (including Season 0). That is a LOT of content. I don’t think I have that many pages for my own webcomic (which basically only tells you how long and physically exhausting the drawing process is more than anything else). Along the way I realized I was a.) really bad at numbering episodes, and b.) reaaaaally bad at spelling Kaiba at the start of this series, really cringey how I used to spell everyone’s name, I can’t really look back there.

Anyway, in case you are curious, the 100th episode was the “Pharaoh turns Karibo into a rainbow for some reason” episode. So, unfortunately it wasn’t that extraordinary. I forgot to write down which episode was 69, which is a colossal failure on my part.

So that being said, this is the last episode of this arc! Honestly, this arc could’ve been a lot shorter because at this point the only resolution left is for Noah to be a decent person once in his life and for Kaiba Sr. to die (which he’s already done, so...mission already accomplished)

Noah recently came on the PA system to inform us that he accidentally decided to kill everyone (congrats, recently reformed Noah), and so he’s going to do the decent thing and let them know where the exit is without actually doing a damn thing to make a portal to get them to said exit.

Guess where the exit is?

I don’t know why the hell this show keeps going back to the local Dave and Busters where Tea got attacked on a dance machine.

At this moment, Gozaburo decided to turn into some sort of giant red ghost devil.

Yes. Exactly what it sounds like.

Apparently this was a thing he could just do this entire arc.

(read more after the cut)

The fact that Seto’s Dad can just morph into a giant red demon is like...not even a problem for anyone on this cast. He literally goes back to his side of the field and goes right back to playing cards. Cuz youknow. Cards.

It’s basically a "Anyone with a millennium item can shoot lasers but never actually does” but demon format. Gozaburo *could* turn into the hulk but like...why?

Meanwhile the rest of the cast are playing cards against the card monsters, that are really just 3D models that Gozaburo had on file. He could have used...literally anything to throw at these people and he went with cards. He could have just dropped a boat on them but...I dunno, maybe he didn’t know where the boat folder was.

Yugi trying really hard to not acknowledge the annoying as hell Joey face and give it any more attention than it already has.

Tea and Serenity scramble to the exit largely unscathed, dragging Tristan with them because he is too small to hold a card hologram and is too monkey to be at all useful back on the front lines.

And they just wake up. Just like that. Just like they woke up from a simple nap or something.

And voila, Tristan is no longer a monkey, his brain is back to normal, the writers were like “we really have to focus on Noah right now, please forgive us if we just pretend line all that brain damage Tristan went through, his brain being 5 DIFFERENT PEOPLE at the same time, having his brainwaves turned into an actual monkey, and then back again within the space of a few hours- just pretend he’s fine now. 

It’s fine. Tristan’s fine.

Tristan wasn’t really...all that bright to begin with so...he’s fine.

And so, as our B team is getting back into the real world, Noah sees this little post-it note on the side of his computer that says “PS, Yugi is a main character and must be present for the finale although he will serve little purpose there” and so Noah pressed that intercom mic button to say:

And it’s at this point that Noah says “I’ll just make you a portal and warp you right there” and then I guess everyone standing around Noah kind of looked at eachother and was like “NOW you do that? NOW? AFTER the chase through the monster copy-paste factory?”

The show is desperately trying to convince me that Noah is now fully a good brother but ehhhhh he’s not. Like, I’ll be honest, they give him the best send off they could have possibly given to such an irredeemably evil character. Like, Seto himself is such a bag of pistachios that you really have to stretch Noah pretty far into evil territory to make Seto look like the good guy in comparison, and it sort of made me not really buy this whole Noah redemption arc.

It’s more like a prequel to a redemption arc that apparently won’t even happen in this series of Yugioh. He comes back at some point, and I only know that because I had to do a google image search of this kid for some reason and it was like ah, yeah, this is definitely a screen cap of a later, glossier looking Yugioh. But, for now, I’d say that Noah’s arc isn’t so much about him coming closer to his family or turning towards the ‘light’, as Pharaoh put it last episode. It’s more about Noah finally letting go of his Father, which should have been the arc of Seto Kaiba.

Instead, Seto did absolutely nothing to let go of his Dad, to the point that Seto is now fighting a computer that just kind of looks like his Dad during a missile strike aimed at Seto’s own face, and Seto did not stop till he won, because of his own damn pride.

Like I think I mentioned this in the last recap, but if they wanted to have Seto show any changes in this arc (which he hasn’t done) then he should have walked away. Instead, he’s very clearly still using his past trauma to fuel the obsessive reasons why he’s playing cards in the present.

Oh, and PS, Yugi’s here, I don’t know why he is, but it does make for some good scenery shots for the commercials so you know, why not.

Gozaburo decides it’s about time to turn into a 50 ft rage monster, and he pushes them to a ledge. Ah, dangerous ledge trope, it’s been a while.

And, finally, as was hinted basically since S1, Yugi gets Seto to jump directly off a ledge of a very tall structure. It finally happened.

Don’t think about it.

And into a portal? That gets them to the exit? Like y’all...this is a kid’s show and all so I shouldn’t question any very convenient plot devices but like...what?

Anyways, they’re fine now, don’t worry about it.

And so, now for a brother pow-wow between Mokuba, who is either still very, very much in Stockholm Syndrome Territory or maybe just doesn’t know that Noah dropped a rocket on his face while Moki was AFK.

And so Noah walks off into the fog cloud because he is the only person on this entire show who would rather die than share a brain (and you know Moki would’ve been down. Moki/Noah as the next Yugi/Pharaoh could’ve been a great thing but youknow, also very much way too complicated for this already complicated show).

It was very melodramatic.

And TBH, I will miss Noah a little bit, he had a fun, insane sort of snobby sass, but I can understand why they might not want to keep even more villains around on this show that is already like...dozens of villains, just so many villains.

Anyway, remember that they woke up in a lab and not in a blimp, so they still have to like...get off this damn boat.

Lol nearly forgot this was an anime. Glad Noah got a magic girl moment before he kicked it.

Also, I’m pretty sure it was shirtless Noah in this glowing yellow farmer’s tan that got this episode flagged for Adult Content when it was still in my drafts folder. Tumblr’s bot got super excited to shut this one way down lol.

And then what follows is like one of the best animated loops in Yugioh. One so good that you bet your ass I clipped it to view for my own leisure.

Mokuba, sensing he’s slowing down for no reason makes the mistake of telling his brother “I’m not going to make it” and so, as an unsuspecting Duke Devlin reaches out and says “grab my hand,” Kaiba does...THIS

when the entire time Kaiba was strong enough and had enough jumps to do THIS

Like he could have easily picked up Mokuba but youknow, any chance to throw a kid at Duke Devlin’s face shoe-first, I guess.

Maybe this is why Moki wears a puffy vest?

And so it was here, as the flames encroach on my wonderful blimp baby that I was getting ready to say goodbye, but guess what, she ain’t dead because...of a completely insane reason we’ll get to in a bit.

Oh, and PS Kaiba’s Dad is a flame monster now. Because of...technology?

It’s probably supposed to be metaphorical flames but youknow, apparently Kaiba had the foresight that someone at some point would become a flame demon and try to devour his entire blimp, and so he made a feature you can add onto what ever blimp you decide to buy from him just so you can outrun fire people attacks.

And it turns out Blimp was the real Magical Girl all along.

Blimp lore is getting pretty wild y’all.

Imagine playing cards on it now...

And then everyone collectively decided that Noah WASN’T DEAD. It was very unhealthy! Thanks 4Kids!

The irony about this exchange is that it is Bakura who is the one who’s uploaded to a flash drive, not Noah--Bakura is on a flash drive around Yugi’s neck but they have never discussed this. Like I’m pretty sure no one even has still picked up that Bakura died and that’s going to be the thing I look forward to the most next episode. If they even address it. Which they might not.

And so, Kaiba looks at the wreckage and the rocket parts that he now has to explain to the UN (and probably not for the first time) and he says:

And thus ends the Kaiba’s Kojima-esque War Crimes arc.

Oh man, next time we get to go back to Marik.

Man oh man.

I don’t even REMEMBER what was going on in that arc guys. It’s been like...man.

I might have to read my own blog to refresh myself haha, I honestly have forgotten a lot of details.

Anyway, in memory of when the blimp still looked like a blimp, I guess this is the last time I can ever post this song:

And here’s a link to read these recaps from the beginning in chrono-order

[faefictions]

The Night We Met

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Love hurts. 

Word Count: 2,122

A/N: I was going to link the video that inspired this, but Tumblr is dumb and I know it wouldn’t show up in search if I did. But if you haven't seen the video of The Night We Met set to an hour of driving in the rain, then you are missing out. I highly recommend crying to it.  

“It’s been nice seeing you again,” Tom blurted out as he walked beside her. He was maybe two inches apart from her, arms brushing together every so often, but he had never felt so far away. 

“Yeah, believe it or not, I missed you,” she smiled back, blushing, but refusing to make eye contact. 

This part was always weird. After a break up, two people usually go their separate ways. They take what’s theirs and they depart for the rest of their lives, but y/n had something about her. Each person who had broken up with her had come running back each time, and she was always weak enough to let them back in. Her heart was full of love and admiration that she just wanted to give out, but the people coming back in were never deserving of it, though her heart didn’t discriminate. 

This time was different. She had been with Tom longer than she had ever been with anyone else, although they had broken up once before. He had called it off, but when he asked for her back, she accepted. There had never been any apologies for anything he had said or done, just one simple question, and she had stupidly said yes. So it was only right that a year later he would call it off again. 

It had been 4 months since they had parted, when he called her and said they needed to talk. They met up at what used to be her favorite coffee shop, but was now tarnished by sour memories she had made with him. 

They talked for hours, discussing things they had both done that hadn’t been the best for their relationship. It was the only time she had ever heard Tom sincerely apologize to her. 

After that day, they began to see each other more, going to movies and parties with friends. But this was the first time they had been alone. They had been walking down the abandoned downtown street for what felt like an hour, but was probably only 15 minutes. She could tell he wanted to say something, and she prayed it wasn’t what she thought it was. 

In the few months they had spent apart, she realized that all he had done was wrong. All the times he flirted with other girls in front of her, claiming it was platonic so he was allowed. All the times he had lied to her face, just for her to find out later from someone else that nothing he had said was true. All of the times he had made her feel bad for doing something that he would refuse to apologize for each time he did the same. She knew he wasn’t right for her anymore. 

She had to remind herself of this every time his hand accidentally brushed hers, or each time she caught him smiling as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. 

He hurt you, y/n. Stop. 

But she couldn’t help the sparks that flew when she was around him. He was the first person she had truly fallen in love with, so of course that hadn’t just magically gone away in a few months. 

“I-Uhm-I actually kinda wanted to talk to you about something.”

Her heart stopped, but she kept walking. She did her best to keep her breathing calm as she looked at him, asking him to continue. 

“I know, I fucked up. I never should have called off things between us.”

His eyes were hopeful, a look that reminded her of the day he first asked her to be his. They had been talking for only a month when he took her out for frozen yogurt. She had chuckled at his choice of venue, but she could never turn down a good fro-yo. As they sat there, she had noticed he was incredibly quiet, which was uncharacteristic of the brit. They were sitting on the same side of the booth, so she took his hand in hers in an attempt to calm whatever nerves were getting to him. His palm was sweaty and she swore she could feel his heartbeat in each fingertip. 

“Are you ok, Tom?” 

“Uh, yeah, I just, I need to ask you something.”

“Ok, you can ask me anything.” 

She was already smiling before he had asked, but somehow the smile spread even further on her face as she said yes. She laid her head on his shoulder for the first time, each of their yogurts melting as they cuddled on the bench seat. 

She tried to push back that memory as she walked beside him on the cold city street. She didn’t reply to his statement though. What was she supposed to say? 4 months ago, she would have agreed that he fucked up. She would have screamed that from the rooftops. She would have agreed that he never should have ended things. But presently, she wasn’t so sure. She had started to believe that maybe things were better left in the past between them. 

“Do you still hate me?” he asked, nervous from her silence. 

“Of course not, Tommy. You know I love you,” she said, but the sincerity in her voice was mixed with exhaustion. 

“You do?”

“Of course,” she chuckled, “Can’t really stop loving someone once you start. I don’t think so at least. You can get mad at them and say you hate them all you want, but I don’t think you can ever really stop loving them. Not if you truly loved them to begin with.”

“Y/n?”

“Mhm?”

He grabbed her hand and stopped her underneath a street light. She could see his features more prominently now, and it confused every emotion within her. His brows were furrowed and she knew what was coming next, but in this moment, she let herself just soak him in. Just feel what she knew she shouldn’t. 

She was right. She could never stop loving him. Every time she looked into his hazel eyes, she found herself daydreaming. She wanted to reach out and hold his face, or run her fingers through his curly hair again. She couldn’t allow herself to do those things, but the urge would never leave because that was how she had always shown her love for him. 

His hands were still engulfing hers as he took a deep breath, palms just as sweaty as the first time. 

“I need you,” was all he could get out before a small tear slipped from the corner of his eye. 

And how was she supposed to respond to that? Every instinct within her told her to reach out and wipe the tear. To pull him in and kiss him. To tell him that she could be his and everything would be ok. But what would that cost her? Because the last time, it had cost her her happiness. 

They had broken up for two months and he had moved on. Not really, he had never had the intention of being with the other girl, but he sure made it seem like he did. The constant flirting and pictures he took had made y/n believe he had moved on quickly. He had done it all for show, to prove to himself that he could live without y/n, but it only proved more that he couldn’t love anyone as much as he loved her. And although those emotions were what had scared him off in the first place, they were the same thing that had him crawling back.

Even after she had taken him back, that girl was everywhere. Commenting on his pictures, texting him all the time, she even started following y/n on social media (only liking the photos that had Tom of course). It drove y/n insane, but every time she brought it up with Tom, he would just get upset and ask her to get over it. 

Of course, he did it out of guilt. He could never tell her that he was trying to replace her when he had started talking to the other girl. But y/n already knew that, so each time he lied, she felt more and more betrayed. She kept on loving him, but each passing day made her feel more self pity. 

“Tom, please don’t do this,” she squeaked out. She couldn’t bare to look at him anymore, so she switched her gaze to the ground to avoid the sight of his tears, her hand never moving from his grasp. 

“Do what?”

“This. I can’t do this again.”

“Y/n… Please.”

“Tom, you have no idea how hard it is to say this, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

That was what really broke her. Had he forgotten about all the times he had made her cry? All the times he made her second guess herself? All the times he made her feel inferior to other girls? She knew that she had talked to him about each of those things, that he knew what he had done to her, so why was he suddenly questioning why she couldn’t be with him? 

She jerked her hand away from his, looking up to meet his gaze. She was met with the sight of tears streaming down his face, and a dumbfounded look plastered over his once hopeful features, which made the next part harder than it needed to be. 

“Tom, I don’t know how to get this through your head, but you hurt me. You’ve hurt me too many times, over and over again. And I have forgiven you each time, I still forgive you, but being with you will just subject me to that again… I don’t think I can take another hit from you.”

“B-but, I promise, I’ll try harder this time.”

“The fact that there’s room for you put up more effort is the problem, Tommy. I gave you my all and I was met with the minimum amount of effort from you. And sure, if we got back together, I’m sure it would be great at first. You’d take me on dates and we would cuddle all the time. You would give me undivided attention. But how long would that last? A week? Then you’d get bored of it. Of me. And it would just go back to being us. You would do something, I would overthink it, and you would get upset with me, which would make me upset with you. That cycle would just repeat until we break up again. And then maybe we would just get back together and start it again. I’m just being realistic here, and the reality of it is that we aren’t healthy. We aren’t good together.”

Tears were streaming down her face now, but her words were as calm as she could manage. He stared at her in disbelief as she spoke. If she were speaking to anyone else, he would have been proud of her. He would have loved that she was taking a stand for herself. But not with him. He wanted her too badly. 

“What can I do? What can I say to change your mind? I’ll do anything. I promise,” he sobbed. 

She took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, and said,”You can’t.”

She let down her wall for one last second as she reached up and put her hand against his cheek, wiping a few tears away as she maintained eye contact. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Tom. I can’t. And if you can’t just be friends with me, this needs to be the end.”

“Y/n…”

“Tom. Please. Stop making this harder for me.”

A sob tore through his lungs as he looked at her. The love of his life was standing right in front of him, he wanted to reach out and hold her, but he wasn’t hers anymore. So he couldn’t. There was no way he could be satisfied with being just friends. He could pretend, but he knew that would cause him just as much pain. 

He couldn’t think of anything to say, but she already knew what he was thinking. She had the answer to the question she never really asked. Her hand fell from his face and she looked towards the asphalt again. 

“Goodbye, Tom.”

No more tears were able to come to her. She felt numb in that moment, as she turned away and left him crying. He fell to the concrete as he watched her walk to her car. He hoped that she would turn around. Hoped she would come running back to him with open arms. But she didn’t. 

He was forced to watch as her headlights drove away, disappearing into the night, along with his hope of ever holding her again. 

Tags: @johnsambrosemcclaren @smilexcaptainx @castawayparker @rose-marys-love @chonisberonica @5sos-wdw @chloe-geoghegan1 @spiderlingsweb @baconlover001

[aurorasilverthorne]

Equivalent Exchange Part #1: Proposition

Another Esteriki AU! Hopefully this one is much more in tune with their actual personalities! As I've said before, everyone's got their favorite ship for EoA and this one's mine, so please don't leave rude comments. I love feedback, so feel free to comment, or you can PM me. I'm on Tumblr, Fanfiction.net, Wattpad, Archives of Our Own and Deviantart.

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Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!! All the characters belong to Disney.

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Queen Elena was dying and Princess Isabel was not interested in ruling, yet Avalor still needed a healthy, competent leader. The responsibility fell on Esteban-once again. The chancellor would secure his kingdom's future by any means necessary.

Elena's condition only worsened. Eventually, she couldn't get out of bed without assistance. Isabel fomally gave up her claim to the throne designating Esteban as the heir.

Esteban knew he had to protect his kingdom. He refused to forfeit any of the advantages a magic enfused bloodline could offer. With Elena dying, and Isabel unable to do magic, the only woman he could name with the power to protect Avalor was the same sorceress who had slain his aunt and uncle.

Instead of executing her, Elena and her councilors had locked Shuriki in the deepest, darkest dungeon they could find. The only key to unlock the witch's cell was kept in the royal treasury where only the queen and those closest to her could find it.

Esteban at least had the decency to wait until his cousin passed on to take action. He convinced Isa to serve as his emissary in Cordoba. Ms. Turner and Lieutenant Núñez would go with her and serve as her guard and advisor. He even made some arrangements for Mateo to attend Hexley Hall where he'd earn a real magical education. Higgins would become captain of the guard in Avalor while Armando retained his role as the head steward of Avalor palace.

Once the arrangements for his coronation were made, Esteban did what he could to reassure his people that he would be a merciful, decisive and steadfast ruler.

Shuriki was waiting for him in the throne room when he returned from seeing Isa, Gabe, Naomi and Mateo off. The witch had aged a bit since he'd last seen her, then again, so had he. They both had white hair, age spots and crows feet at the corners of their eyes. Laugh lines, however, were very few and far between.

Shuriki folded her arms. "Why have you brought me here, Esteban? What use am I to you now? All of Avalor already rests at your feet."

"This is true." Esteban lowered himself down onto the throne with a soft groan as his joints protested with a barely audible pop. "I have...a proposition for you."

Shuriki quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

His foot was trying to fall asleep. All the physicians he'd spoken to told him it was poor circulation due to old age. He could only imagine how Shuriki felt beings she was at least a decade older than him.

"Armando?"

The steward stepped forward. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Bring Shuriki a chair, please."

"Of course, Your Majesty. Right away."

"Thank you, Armando."

"Oh, enough with the pleasantries," Shuriki huffed, "just get to the point."

Esteban leaned back in his throne. "You really need to calm down. It's not as though you have somewhere else to be."

Shuriki glared up at him. "You're pretty smug for a man who inherited all of his power through mere circumstance."

Esteban sighed. Dealing with Shuriki had always been exasperating. Time, it seemed, had not dulled her tongue or slowed her wit. "Do you want to be a queen again or not?"

The sorceress narrowed her eyes at him. "What's the catch?"

"What makes you think there is one?"

"There's always a catch."

"This is true too," Esteban admitted. "Higgins!"

The captain of his royal guard stepped forward with a respectful salute. "Yes, sir?"

"Please present Shuriki with my proposal."

Shuriki snatched the paper out of Higgins' hand and read a few lines. Esteban bit the inside of his cheek to ensure he would not laugh when her eyes widened. "Have you completely lost your mind?!"

Esteban calmy folded his hands in his lap. Secretly, he couldn't help enjoying her reaction. "Something wrong?"

"This is a marriage contract!"

Esteban managed to retain his calm, cool, collected exterior. It wasn't easy though. Shuriki's expression bordered on hilarity. Twas, in his option, a perfect blend of fear, outrage and disbelief.

"You-" Shuriki couldn't even form words.

Esteban listened as her feelings manifested in a cry of indignant rage. It wasn't the first time she had made such a noise, nor would it be the last, he was sure. As he had many times in the past, Esteban sat there while she seethed like a rabid jaquin. "Are you done?"

She huffed then plopped herself down in the chair the steward had brought in for her and folded her arms in a way that made her displeasure obvious.

"The terms are simple. Once we have married, you will be queen, but only in name. I am the one who will deal with matters of state and all things pertaining to the kingdom's welfare. You will be in charge of the palace and making the arrangements for all of the kingdom's holidays and other celebrations including Navidad and Carnaval. You will also accompany me when I attend public events so everyone will know we are united in all things."

"Now hold on a minute-!"

"Your main concern as a queen, however, will be to provide heirs."

Shuriki fell out of her chair. "What?!"

"As rulers we must make certain that Avalor has a stable future. I can think of no better way to do so than to ensure we have a little príncipe or princesa to take the throne in case anything ever happens to one or both of us."

Shuriki scoffed at him. "Have you looked in a mirror lately? Look at me, Esteban! Do I look like I'm in any condition to bear a child? Even if I were insane enough to agree with your terms, we're too old!"

Esteban just stared down at the displaced sorceress with an arched brow and a smug smile.

Shuriki narrowed her eyes at him when she saw the wicked gleam in his eye. "What?"

Esteban pulled two tiny vials from the pocket of his coat. "If I've learned anything from you and Elena, it is to always be prepared."

Shuriki eyed said vials as if they were small snakes coiled and ready to strike out at a moment's notice. Both seemed identical in size, shape and quantity. She didn't know what to make of the clear liquid inside. Esteban took two glasses of Avaloran wine off a tray that'd been put on the small table by his throne then poured one vial in each cup. Shuriki shook her head when he offered one of the crystal goblets to her. "Not going to happen, Esteban."

Esteban shrugged. "Suit yourself." He swallowed the contents of one glass in a single gulp. Shuriki didn't notice anything at first then his hair began to darken. She watched open mouthed as all his wrinkles, age spots and lines disappeared until Esteban looked just like he had the day she had lost her throne to Elena, minus the greying at his temples, of course.

"But, how...?"

Esteban gave no answer. He just placed the empty glass back on the tray as he returned to sitting on the throne.

It had taken some time to relocate the lost Island of Santalos. He had brought back enough of the water to reverse both their ages so they'd be in their early to mid thirties.

Shuriki was desperate to regain her youth and her beauty. He could already see the wheels turning in her head. This was just a waiting game.

Esteban didn't have to wait long. Shuriki took the wine glass when he offered it a second time, swallowed the contents and slammed the empty cup down onto the tray.

Esteban silently watched the fountain water work its magic revitalizing her wavy raven black tresses, and bright emerald eyes. Shuriki regained her soft, smooth porcelain skin as well. Esteban had always found her attractive, but her distinct features also made it very easy to spot her in a crowd. He would need to hire more guards to ensure her safety since many people would want to harm her for what she had done to them during her forty-one year reign.

"Now what?" she asked, examining her flawless reflection in the mirror Armando brought her.

Esteban rolled his eyes at her as he got up from the throne. "Why ask such a question when you know the answer already? "You sign that contract or I put you back into that cesspit Elena called a dungeon. I need heirs and you WILL provide them."

Shuriki scowled. "I most certainly will not! I detest children!"

"If memory serves they were never fond of you either," Esteban retorted.

Shuriki threw the mirror at him. Esteban dodged it and the glass hit the wall shattering into countless pieces. She tried to make a beeline the door, but he caught her and lifted her off the ground. "You will sign!" Shuriki fought him tooth and nail as he half-carried, half-dragged her to where Higgins waited with quill and ink. For a brief moment she feared he would hit her, but he merely plucked the quill up out of the ink pot and shoved it into her hand. "Sign it!"

Esteban held Shuriki there until she finally obliged. "Fine..." She signed her name and threw the quill down. "Happy?"

Esteban watched her fold her arms and narrow her eyes at him. He mirrored her actions, his one word reply laced with sarcasm and disdain. "Ecstatic."

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[angelinasway]

Worlds Collide Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Buffy Summers

Summary: How Buffy and Spencer first met

A/N: This is my first time posting on tumblr, so please give me a shout and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Dr. Spencer Reid was a man of science and he prided himself on that particular aspect of who he was. It was a very rare day when something could challenge his belief in the way he viewed the world. However, today was about to not only shake that foundation, today was the day that Dr. Reid’s world view was about to be obliterated. He just graduated from Quantico, and to celebrate decided to take a trip to Washington D.C. It was a place he had never been before, but a place he always wanted to see. Considering he would soon be working for the BAU, or at least he hoped. The truth was he hadn’t actually been assigned yet, but he figured getting in the sites and knowing the land marks for the country he would soon be serving was a step in the right direction. For a man such as himself, he supposed it was typical that the first place on his agenda was one of the most prestigious libraries in the U.S., the Library of Congress. He wondered how many books he would be able to read, while giving himself about five hours here. He quickly did the math in his head, and realized depending on the size of the book, he could read approximately six to twelve volumes. His excitement at the prospect for the knowledge he was about to imbue himself with doubled. That however, all changed the moment he saw her. She was beautiful, and to be quite frank, unlike any woman he had ever seen before. She was petite in stature, blonde with delicate features, but what drew his attention the most were her eyes. They were large and bright green, but so old and tired they didn’t look like they belonged in someone nearly as young as her. She walked with purpose up to the second floor and he suddenly found his feet following. It was very unlike him to pursue someone of the opposite sex. He had never had much luck in that department, but his curiosity had gotten the best of him and he couldn’t stop himself if he tried. He wondered why she was here? Was she like him? Was she someone who could get lost in the written word? He wanted to know what she would read, and if he had read it himself. He thought maybe he could find an opening to strike up a conversation with her if he could just find the right thing to say. When she pulled out her cell phone however, and he overheard the conversation she was having, Spencer Reid felt like his world was collapsing. At first he thought she was insane. Not necessarily the best description for someone with an obvious mental illness but what she was saying… Well, it was just crazy. He immediately went into profiling mode after that, everything he studied pouring out of his eidetic memory like a running faucet. Unfortunately, the more he listened, the less anything made any sense. It wasn’t until she put the phone on speaker that the rest of what he knew about the world shattered into a million pieces.

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Buffy grunted in frustration as she removed a stack of large volumes from the book case. Her flip phone nestled snugly between her ear and shoulder. "So what exactly am I looking for again?" "You'll know it when you see it.” Came Giles cryptic response through the receiver. "You know," she grouched. "I was supposed to be on vacation." There was a sigh of frustration on the other line. "Buffy." "No seriously," She snapped, thinking how typical this was to her life. "I've spent years fighting battles, years being the only one. Is it too much to ask for a year off while some of the other girls pick up the slack?" She sighed, her voice taking on a pouty whine as she said. "Why do I always have to be the one to save the world?" "I do apologize, Buffy; however this mission can only be yours." Giles said sympathetically. "On the bright side this has nothing to do with saving the world, or at least not yet." "Yeah," She muttered slamming the books down on a nearby table with a little more force than necessary, "Yet, being the operative word." There was a chuckle on the other end of the phone and she rolled her eyes. “So how is it that the Founding Fathers had information on the Slayer line anyway?" "Well," Giles began. "According to the obscure reference I found in what was left of the Watchers archives, they've known about Slayers since John Adams. One of his daughter's was one." There was a long pause on the other line as something jogged in her memory. "Wait... You're telling me Abigail Adams was a Slayer?" "No actually, it seems her younger sister Susanna was." Giles responded. "But I thought she died?" Buffy said frowning as she walked back towards the bookcase. There was a long pause, before Giles made a choking noise on the line. "Buffy, did you actually just recite a historical fact?" She rolled her eyes. "Hardy, har, har. Very funny." She chuckled, as she removed some more books from the shelf. "Just making sure it's actually you." Giles countered, suspicion leaking into his voice. "Oh, calm down Giles, still the real girl here." She said setting the books down. She shrugged, "There was a special on the History Channel last week. I guess I just retain information better when it's on TV." She swore she could hear him polishing his glasses in aggravation at her comment. "Yes, well Susanna was a Potential whose parents gave her up to the Watchers Council after finding out her possible destiny." "I almost forgot about the original Councils old creepy ways." Buffy said making a face in distaste. "Please tell me we aren't keeping to that barbaric tradition. These girls need their childhood before they're thrown in the thick of things." "I have no desire to start training toddlers Buffy.” Giles voice taking on a tone that she knew well. He was about at the end of his rope with her. “We have neither the man power nor the means to take on such an endeavor. I think when the new generation starts popping up we will simply enlist the older generation and the Watchers we have to train them." “Well that’s good then.” She said, frowning when she couldn’t see anything in the area she just revealed. “Hold on, I’m gonna put you on speaker while I find this damn panel.” “Do you think that wise?” Giles asked, his voice now sounding in the small alcove. “I think that if anyone’s listening security's already on its way up.” She pointed out. “Touché.” He conceded. Buffy reached in her purse and pulled out the mini-flashlight she always stashed in case of emergencies. “Anything?” Her Watcher asked impatiently. “Hold your horses.” She snapped, removing some of the dust that had accumulated off the back panel of the book case. She frowned when she realized how warm the wood felt, her fingers feeling small grooves and indents along the otherwise smooth surface. It felt like some sort of symbol or wording carved in the wood. Buffy shined the flashlight, and froze. There, cut deep in the wood was the symbol she remembered being on the Guardian’s Crypt. “Giles,” She whispered. “Did you know?” “Pardon?” He asked, worry tainting his voice. “Did I know what exactly?” “Did you know this was about the Guardians?” She snapped a little more harshly than she intended. "The Guardians you say?" Was his response, "No, I did not. Hold on a moment Buffy." She could hear pages flipping as he double checked whatever he read in the book he discovered in what was left of the old Watchers building. "No, it simply says that the Americans had discovered something, possibly a text that could be useful to the Slayer. It says they were positive it was located on the second floor of the Library of Congress, but they didn't't know how to access it." He paused. "Then it gets less legible from here. If I'm reading this correctly it also speaks of a warrior for the light being born near the end of the twentieth century. She's supposed to turn the tide in the wars to come. Something about her being reborn thrice, once in death, once in earth, and once in life, but even that isn't the full text. He sighed, "I do apologize Buffy this manuscript is quite burnt. I'm having a hard time reading it. On the next page the only words I can distinguish are ‘healing a broken soul.'" There was a long pause as Giles flipped a few more charred pages. "And nothing else is legible after that." Buffy frowned, "So they knew." "Yes, it appears so." Giles muttered. "Do you..." She swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Do you think Travers didn't give us the four-one-one because of the way I treated the Council?" "It's highly unlikely." Giles said quietly, trying to soothe her fears. "It's much more plausible that Quentin didn't tell us to ensure that this…Well, I suppose, prophesy came to pass." Buffy shook her head, rubbing her eyes with her palm to stem off the tears she could feel building. This was just so typical of them. She never would wish death on anyone, but after everything she had been through, everything she had endured, and they knew, they knew her destiny better than she did. Well, let's just say she wasn't upset they were gone. "So," She said, pushing her emotions to the side. She would re-examine them later, preferably over a pint of chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream. "The reborn in earth is pretty obvious, considering how I had to dig myself out of my own grave." She paused, sighing. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the reborn in death has to do with the prophecy where the Master was supposed to kill me. I'm lucky that didn't take, though I would put that more in the category of beating death, not being reborn to it." "On the contrary Buffy, I believe the being reborn is exactly what you did. Think about it. Not only did you face the Master. You faced the prophecy and died, but your rebirth happened when you were resuscitated. The Slayer line was broken that day and a new Slayer was called." He paused, and she could hear the pride in his voice as he said, "You were amazing that day." "Yeah, you weren't so bad yourself." She said smiling. "So what do you think the reborn in life means, because right now I got nothing?" "Perhaps it was the calling of the Slayer's. We, in essence, breathed a new life into these girls." "That doesn't make any sense though. Willow did all that." She said frowning, while continuing her search for some sort of lever to pop open a hidden panel. "Yes, but your belief in her is what made that possible." He reminded her. "Or, it very well could be that it hasn't happened yet." "Great." she muttered, wondering how much more crap the Powers could drop on her shoulders. "Look Giles," she said, changing the subject. "I'm not seeing it. There's no lever, hidden panel, or button... Just nothing." She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "Are you sure this is the right one?" "I should think so, especially with the sigil for the Guardians carved into it." He paused, "Perhaps...Hmm... Is there any wording or fraise carved into the wood?" She shined her light again, running it along the back surface. This was so ridiculous, if someone caught her she could be put on a terrorist watch list or something. Okay, so she knew that was a bit dramatic, but she was definitely running the risk of being thrown into the psych ward for a three day observation. “No...Nothing.” She said stomping her foot in aggravation, and of course that’s when she noticed it on the upper right hand panel nowhere near the sigil itself. “Hey, wait...I see it. Hold on." She frowned squinting as she tried to read it. "Shit Giles, it's in Latin." "I can read that,” Came an unknown voice from around the corner. Buffy spun around, slamming her head in the process. She cringed in pain, grabbing the left side of her forehead. Why did it always hurt more when you did it to yourself? Then she looked up at the man who revealed himself. He stood there very obviously uncomfortable, and her jaw literally almost hit the floor. He was tall and slim with slightly messy light brown hair and eyes. He was especially geeky with his glasses and sweater vest, but the part that made her go all dear-in-headlights-catatonic was that he was gorgeous, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. She quickly wiped her chin to make sure she wasn’t drooling. Did she mention he was gorgeous? "I mean..." He fidgeted. "If that's okay?" Buffy meant to answer; she really did, but the only coherent noise she could seem to produce was a strange sort of gurgling whimper. "What's your name Sir?" Giles came to her rescue, the amusement in his voice clear. He knew his Slayer too well. Reid shifted uncomfortably, looking at the ground. "Spencer... Dr. Spencer Reid, Sir." "A doctor you say," Was Giles response, his amusement growing by the minute. “Why you don’t sound much older than Buffy here?” "You would be correct. I’m twenty-two, and I’m not... That is to say, I’m not that kind of doctor, Sir. I have three PhD's, one from Cal Tech and two from Yale." He paused, adding. "I also have two BA's from Yale as well." "Good Lord!" Giles exclaimed. "My dear boy, you wouldn't happen to be in the market for a job, would you?" "I mean well... Um..." Spencer stuttered. "Giles, stop it." Buffy chided, finally coming back to herself in time to rescue him from her over enthusiastic Watcher. She met startled light brown eyes before he quickly looked to the ground again, crossing his arms over his chest in a pose that clearly stated how out of his element he was. "Hey," she said, walking slowly closer as if not to startle him. "Sorry about that, he gets excited when he meets someone as smart, or in your case, much smarter than him." There was an indignant huff over the phone, which she ignored. "So um... How much of that did you hear?" She chuckled awkwardly. "I bet you think we're both nuts, huh?" He shifted uncertainly, before finally saying, "Shared delusions are pretty rare, and usually one of the parties, the more dominate of the two, has obvious signs of psychosis. However, neither of you seem to show any signs of a psychotic break…" "Except for the part where we were talking about hidden books and prophecies," Buffy interrupted. "Well yes, there's that." Spencer conceded. "But neither of you seem to display the usual compulsion most people with a mental illness display." He paused for breath. "You in fact seem annoyed at the prospect of being here, and the nonchalance in which you address the situation, as if it's something you deal with daily. It leads me to believe that either you truly believe what you're saying, or it is in fact, the truth." "So..." Buffy said, "You don't think we're crazy?" "I... Well..." Spencer looked up again, this time holding eye contact and wetting his lips. "I haven't decided yet." He shrugged and added. "When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Buffy raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching as she tried and failed to hold back a grin. "Did you just quote Spock?" His cheeks turned pink at her words, and he ran his hand through his short messy brown hair. "Actually, it was first quoted by Sherlock Holmes or more specifically the author, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Though I have to admit I'm pretty impressed you know Star Trek that well." Her grin broadened at his words, her eyes dancing with amusement. He was just too adorable for words. "Spencer, or would you prefer Dr. Reid?" She asked holding out her hand in a show of good faith. "Name’s Buffy, Buffy Summers." On a normal day Spencer would be quite averse to shaking someone's hand, but today was apparently a whole new day for firsts. He reached out hesitantly, his long slender fingers closing around her delicate looking ones. The first thing he noticed was how strong her grip was, he swallowed, realizing that if she wanted to she could probably crush the bones in his hand without blinking an eye. The second thing was the scars all over her fingers and hand. Her palm as well as the area between her thumb and pointer finger also had a large callous typically seen on swordsmen. He stared at her a long time, beginning to believe more and more that they were both telling the truth. "Spencer will be fine, Miss Summers" He said quietly. Buffy smiled deviously. "And you can call me Buffy; otherwise I'll feel like I'm in trouble." Spencer smiled then, a real true smile. "Okay, Buffy then." "And never underestimate a girl who knows her pop culture." She added with a laugh and a wink. "Though, just between you and me, I probably wouldn't have remembered had I not recently spent three weeks in Rome with a super nerd by the name of Andrew Wells." His face fell at her words, so she quickly added, "I never realized there was so much sexual tension between Spock and Kirk until I watched it with him." Spencer frowned in confusion for a moment, before it dawned on him exactly what she was trying to say. He blushed even more when he realized she was hinting at being unattached. "I..." His voice came out at a squeak, and he quickly cleared his throat. "That is to say I never noticed that before." Buffy grinned. "That's good to know." Giles cleared his throat, muttering something about young people and their hormones, before saying. "Dr. Reid, you said you can read Latin?" “Oh,” He said, tearing his eyes away from the pretty girl who had captured his attention so thoroughly. “Um… Yes, yes I can.” “If you would be so kind…” Giles asked. “Yes, of course.” He stumbled as he took his first step, feeling a strong grip on his elbow before he could fall completely. He looked down into the sparkling green eyes of his savior as she held him up, feeling his face heat up in mortification. She managed to ease his embarrassment though, with a kind smile. “It’s over here.” She said, guiding Spencer to where she had been standing before. Buffy turned the flashlight back on and pointed it toward the sigil first. Spencer felt his vision tilt and narrow when he saw it, his breath evacuating his lungs in disbelief. He was pretty sure had Buffy not still been holding on he would have collapsed. It wasn’t that he hadn’t believed them; it was that he convinced himself he only wanted to believe them, and now with the Egyptian symbol for Isis staring him in the face, he had no choice but to believe. He shook his head and looked at the girl with wide disbelieving eyes. “Impossible.” He whispered. “What is it?” Giles immediately jumped in. Spencer cleared his throat. “It’s the Ancient Egyptian symbol for the goddess Isis.” “Dear Lord.” Giles breathed. “Buffy why on earth didn’t you tell me the sigil over that temple was Egyptian.” Buffy pursed her lips in anger at his words. “Excuse me! I was just a little too busy to notice, Giles.” “Bloody hell, Buffy!” He exclaimed “Do you have any idea…” “Hey,” She interrupted, making Spencer take a step back as he watched her fury build. “I had just spent the last six months training a bunch of teenage girls, while simultaneously trying to make sure they didn’t get themselves dead. Not to mention getting thrown out of my own house, by whom… Oh yah, I forgot…you! And let’s not forget the massiveness that was the battle with the First fucking Evil looming over all our heads. So just excuse the hell out of me for not recognizing every Egyptian goddamn symbol I see.” Spencer kept quiet at the exchange. Not really knowing what to think of what he just overheard. It was clear however that Giles was quite used to this type of outburst if his next words were any indication. “Are you quite finished?” Giles said calmly. “Buffy I do actually realize the magnitude of the stress you were under.” He paused. “I was there too, remember? We were all under an enormous amount of stress. However, had I known the Guardians were worshipers of Isis?” She could literally hear him cleaning his glasses. “My God Buffy, the Guardians told you they used the essence of the Slayer to create the Scythe, and they worshiped Isis. What if, what if the Slayers origins lie with her?” It was Buffy’s turn to feel woozy and she reached out and grabbed a hold of Spencer without thinking. “You…you mean the Shadow Men invoked a goddess, not…not a demon?” Her words came out croaked and hallow. “Precisely,” Giles agreed. “It all makes perfect sense. Daemon is the Latin word for the Ancient Greek daimon, meaning god, god like, power, and fate. They were supposed to be benevolent deities, who watched over and guarded mortal men.” Spencer couldn’t help himself, he cut in. “Isis was known as the Goddess of protection, and though she stayed in the background most of the time, she was also thought to be more powerful than her husband Osiris or even Ra.” “Osiris.” Buffy whispered, the color draining from her face. “Good Lord!” Giles breathed, not putting two and two together until just then. “Did I…Did I say something wrong?” Spencer asked, worry now coloring his voice. “No.” Giles said in a defeated voice. “We just have… Well…some experience with that particular deity.” “I died.” Buffy blurted, stepping away from him and wrapping her arms around herself. “I was dead, and my friends invoked Osiris to bring me back.” “I’m not sure I understand your definition of dead.” Spencer said, still trying to hold on to that little bit of the scientific world he wanted so badly to cling too. “Try one hundred and forty-seven days.” Buffy sniped, “I was rotting in the ground, six feet under.” His eyes widened, but he didn’t say what she expected. “That’s what you meant by having to dig yourself out…You were serious? I thought it was a euphemism or perhaps a horribly traumatic encounter with a serial killer.” Giles interrupted, “Dr. Reid, I know the idea of this must be hard for you, but you must understand that this is the same world you’ve always lived in. However, there are things, very dark things that exist in it.” “Mr. Giles, Sir,” Spencer said in a passive aggressive manner that surprised and impressed both Buffy and Giles. “Please do not patronize me. I may be young Sir, but I am not oblivious to the terrors the world has to offer.” He paused for breath. “I just graduated from my training at Quantico, Sir. My whole field of study was Behavioral Analysis, so I am quite aware how horrible the world can get.” His small tangent had Buffy’s eyes widening, but Giles next words had her leaning against the bookcase for support. “You’re FBI.” Giles stated. “I haven’t been assigned yet, but yes.” Spencer confirmed. “Is Jason Gideon still head of that department?” Giles asked. Spencer froze, “You…you know Special Agent Gideon?” “We’ve met a few times.” Giles confirmed. “There are times in your line of work Dr. Reid, where our worlds collide. It wouldn’t do to send a team of agents into a situation they cannot handle.” He paused. “Agent Gideon has been somewhat of a mediator between the Watchers Council and the FBI, he makes sure you don’t pick up a case that will get you all killed.” “Okay, could someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?” Buffy cut in. "The work that Dr. Reid will one day be doing Buffy, is profiling violent criminals." Giles explained, “In that line of work they are more than likely to get called out on a case at some point where the supernatural plays a role. It's Agent Gideon’s job to make sure those cases don’t cross his desk." Buffy gasped, "Giles, how long has this been going on?" Giles cleared his throat. “Well we’ve been involved to some capacity with the authorities since 1973. It was actually Nikki Wood who first brought to our attention the need to have someone on the inside.” “Nikki Wood?” Reid frowned in confusion. “I remember hearing about that case. She was accused of killing her lover, Li Howard. Agent Gideon was called in to profile her, but quickly realized she wasn’t the UN-SUB. They actually never caught the guy.” “Trust me my boy; he was caught, just not by the usual means.” Giles said. Buffy frowned. “Vamp?” “Unfortunately, yes.” Giles confirmed. Spencer looked to Buffy then, deciding once he was done here, him and Senior Supervisory Special Agent Gideon were going to have a very long conversation. “Maybe you should show me that inscription now.” Buffy nodded, feeling her stomach drop. Well, there went any chance of him ever wanting to see her again. She sighed, cursing the freakishness that was her life. “Sure, it’s umm…its right over here.” She pointed the flashlight in the direction, closing her eyes as she felt him lean in closer to get a better look. He was so warm, that was the first thing she noticed, and he smelled good, like old books and aftershave. She found herself wanting to bury her nose in his sweater, and had to shake her head to get the visual out of her mind. Dear god, what on earth was this man doing to her. Spencer wasn’t fairing much better in that department. It took him three times to even read the inscription before it made any sense. He felt like his senses had been charged with electricity, the smell of her strawberry shampoo filling his nose and making his head spin. He quickly shook his head coming back to himself. “Non enim te solum, quia illam. Quod sanguis ejus aperire, quem ipse sibi elegit.” Spencer whispered. “And the English version?” Buffy asked. “It is not for thee, only for She. The blood of the Chosen shall open it.” Giles translated. “Great,” She muttered. “Blood magic.” “I do believe in this case Buffy, blood magic was a necessity.” Giles said. “It insured that the only person able to access whatever is hidden would be you.” “Yeah.” She sighed. “I know.” She turned and looked to Spencer, pulling out the dagger she kept tucked between her jeans and the small of her back. His eyes widened when he saw it, and took a step back. “Do you think the blood should go on the sigil or inscription?” She asked, wincing as she sliced her palm open. “The sigil.” Came both Giles and Spencer’s voice. “The sigil it is.” She said, reaching out her bloodied hand. Something happened then. Something Spencer couldn’t have stopped if he tried. He felt frightened for her, and maybe even more frightened for himself. He reached out to stop her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder just as her hand made contact with the carving. Suddenly, everything seemed to go black and the world began to spin. He felt like he was free falling without a parachute, and then she was there gripping his hand tight enough to make him wince in pain. When the world righted itself again they stood in what must be some sort of temple. A woman with skin the color of bronze, hair as black as night, and clothed form head to toe in gold and jewels stared back at them. She smiled lovingly at Buffy. “My daughter of night, you have finally come.”

[resbangmod]

Resbang 2016 Throwbacks, Week 8

Time to get hype for this year’s Resbang, and what better way to do so than to check out the ghosts of Resbangs Past!

Come say hi to this year’s participants and mods on Discord!

This year’s schedule can be found here: beep

Check out these entries from resbang 2016!

[T] Under the Grinning Moon [Stein/Marie, Spirit/Kami]

This is the story of how Kami, Spirit, Marie, and Stein collide.

Warnings: Pre-Canon, Suggestive Themes, Canon-Typical Violence, Infrequent Disturbing Imagery, Canon-Compliant

by author: messofthejess @messofthejess

with artist: elevensouls @guacamoletrash​

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[M] Pell Grant Matrimony [endgame Soul/Maka, Death the Kid/Black Star]

Mama wants an update of Maka’s life, but there’s a severe lack of anything interesting to report. She’s stuck in an eternal rut, and the only excitement in her life is her steadily disappearing underwear.

Thankfully, her cute neighbor gets her in touch with the panty-stealing culprit. Soul is sometimes evasive and secretive, though he makes up for it by showing her what it’s like to have fun on a regular basis. Just as Maka thinks she has exciting news to report to Mama, Soul turns out to be hiding more than exotic pets in the bathroom. The fake-married, secret dating AU you didn’t ask for.

Warnings: language, recreational drug use, illegal pets, Black*Star’s mooseknuckle

by authors: sojustifiable & Marsh of Sleep @sojustifiable​, @marshofsleep​

with artist: Adorabbey @adorabbey

and artist: Tilliquoi @tilliquoi​

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [adorabbey: [tumblr]] [tilliquoi: [tumblr]]

[T] Moments of Impact [Soul/Black Star]

A move halfway across the country gives Soul Evans a far different fresh start than he expected when he falls for his best friend’s childhood friend, Black Star. Through good food, theoretical conversations, and lame college parties, Soul and Black Star turn into the type of couple that makes movie theater audiences swoon.As fate would have it though, a truck rear ends their car on a cold night in December, and sends Soul flying headfirst through the windshield - taking all his memories of the last five and a half years with him. A stack of medical bills and Soul’s family trying to loop him back into his own life puts a strain on their budget and their sanity, sending them spiraling down a road neither of them ever could have imagined.With their marriage nonexistent in one of their minds and a whole alternate reality trying to tear them apart, “for better or for worse” is a vow that might not survive all that everyone thinks it should.

Warnings: traumatic injury, amnesia, estranged families

by author: itsnothingpersonal, dead link

with artist: showknight, @showknight​

Read it here: [ao3, dead link]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[M] Soul Incubus [Soul/Maka]

Maka was just living her normal life. You know, going to college, hanging out at the clubs with friends, having a one-night stand with a stranger... A one-night stand that turns into two, and then three. But I mean, who knew an Incubus could be so attractive? SoMa College AU with a dash of Supernatural

Warnings: lotsa smut, supernatural, cursing, drinking

by author: chelseachee @chelsea-chee

with artist: Makibela @starry-maki

Read it here: [ffn]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[T] I got 99 problems and Medusa is all of them [Soul/Maka, Giriko/Justin, Wes/Spirit]

Mean Girls/Jennifer’s Body homage. Life is hard when your brother is a musical prodigy and your parents assume you’re going to be following in his footsteps. It’s a lot harder when you decide to leave all that behind and attend public school, especially when attending public school apparently involves insane drum majors, a principal no one has ever seen, a cutthroat social scene complete with actual murder, teenage girls who are literally possessed by demons, and some crazy blue-haired guy in heelys and shutter shades who’s trying to make ‘bode’ happen.

Warnings: violence, the occult, minor character death, internalized homophobia, teenage alcohol use

by author: Bones @adulterclavis

with artist: Eisschirmchen @eisschirmchen

Read it here: [tumblr][ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[E] I Come From The Land Down Under [Stein/Marie, minor Nygus/Azusa]

It’s a beautiful, breezy evening when Marie Mjolnir checks her phone and sees that she has thirty, yes, THIRTY unread text messages from one Spirit Albarn, all featuring his readily unimpressive schlong with the question of ‘Which should I send my date?’.In a fit of what has to be the most annoyance and irritation she had ever felt, she retaliated by giving him his answer in the form of making a blog rating the pictures he sent her of his wiener. What she didn’t expect was that she would start up the newest internet sensation, spending her days rating various wieners. It’s only when she receives an all too appealing (to her) image of a rather studded Anaconda, the only image she grants a sparkling A+, that the real Boloney Pony ride begins.Of course, everyone save for her know that it belongs to Frank Stein, owner and head piercer at Needle and a Thread tattoo shop, as well as Marie’s best friend and crush of over a decade. But, of course, what would any decent story be without some kind of misconception?

Warnings: Explicit sexual content. Drug (weed) use. So many goddamn dick jokes. Horrible innuendos for sex. Pierced private bits. Dicks. More dicks. Putting the ‘dick’ in ‘ridickulous’. NSFW.

by author: DollyPopUp @dollypopup

with artist: thefishywitchy @thefishywitchy

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]] NSFW

Some of the writing is no longer at the links provided. If any of the artists, authors, or their partners see their resbang team is missing art, and they want to be included to the throwbacks, please shoot us​ a message! 

[ladywinchester1967]

His Good Girl: The Epilogue

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Alaina Taylor-Winchester (OFC)

Warnings: Dad!Dean feels, doubt, some angst, SMUT, fingering, oral (female receiving, Sir!Kink, praise!kink, unprotected sex (wrap it up IRL), language...I believe that’s it. 

A/N: I can’t even believe this, we’re FINALLY HERE!!! This is the last chapter in His Good Girl. Thank you so much to everyone that has loved this series and has been with it since the beginning. I’m truly stunned and blessed because of you guys. The usual; unbeta’d all mistakes belong to me, all pics and gif are not mine, they were found on Pinterest and tumblr

Wondering what this is? Think you missed something? Coming upon this for the first time?

CATCH UP:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

*~*~*~*~* 6 Months Later ~*~*~*~*~  

Alaina handed Trish the diaper bag and asked

“Are you SURE you’re okay with keeping him the entire weekend?”

“He’s six months old for fuck’s sake Alaina,” Trish insisted as she placed the diaper bag behind the driver’s seat in her car “plus I’m bigger than he is. I can handle him.”

“If you need me, please call.” Alaina said

“Hey,” Trish said and placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders “I can handle him. I’ve watched him before with no problems, plus I’m getting together with Sam, Jess and Morgan on Sunday so they can see him.”

“I’ve never left him for this long, I’m nervous!” Alaina exclaimed.

In six months, Alaina and Dean had gotten married and raised Oliver with nearly no problems. But with Dean studying to be a diesel mechanic and Alaina taking on more cases at work, they hadn’t had a lot of time to devote to their relationship. Sex had been quick and squeezed in between naps and meetings, she recalled a conversation with Trish over bunch the week before.

“I’m going crazy,” Alaina had said to Trish “I mean it this time. I’ve officially fucking lost it.”

“You lost it a long time ago, just saying.” Trish had said while holding Oliver.

“This is a judgment free zone right?” Alaina had asked her sister.

“Yeah, duh.” Trish had told her

Alaina had taken a deep breath and finally let it out

“I have this drop dead, sexy husband and I don’t have the time or energy to screw his brains out like I want to.” She blurted out.

Trish nearly laughed herself into a snorting fit before she’d regained her composure.

“That was hilarious,” she had said “thanks for that.”

“Help me please,” Alaina had begged “I don’t know what to do!”

“We got this.” Trish had told her.

It had been Trish’s idea to take Oliver for the weekend so Dean and Alaina wouldn’t have any distractions. Alaina was apprehensive, but eventually came around to the idea. She and Dean hadn’t spent more than a night away from Oliver by choice; even their honeymoon was only one night as they were anxious to get back to their son.

In the present time, Trish hugged Alaina and said

“I got this, don’t worry about me and little man.”

“I know you do.” Alaina told Trish “But anything goes sideways, you call okay?”

“You know I will.” Trish said and then let her sister go.

Alaina looked at Oliver, who was happily kicking his tiny feet and waving his hands.

“You be good for your Auntie okay?” Alaina cooed at Oliver “You gonna be a good boy?”

Oliver gleefully shouted before shoving his fist into his mouth and both ladies laughed.

“I’ll take that as as yes.” Trish said.

When they were finally gone, Alaina picked up around the house and got the oven prepared for dinner. Jess had showed her a recipe for roasted chicken that she knew Sam and Dean loved; so Alaina had decided to make that along with vegetables, potatoes and Dean’s favorite dessert; pie. While the food was cooking, she couldn't help but look around their house and realize all the memories they had mad since moving in. She recalled one particularly difficult day when she came home from work. She's lost a case that she was sure was a home run and couldn't have felt like a bigger failure. When she trudged through the door, she could hear that the TV was on, but nothing else.

“Dean?” she asked as she looked around, putting her purse and briefcase down in her office. She slipped off her shoes and walked into the living room to find Dean and Oliver on the couch, asleep. She stood there for a second and took it in. The Thursday night football game between the Green Bay Packers and Detroit Lions was playing, Dean was laying stretched out on the couch with on hand behind his head, while the other rested on Oliver's back. Oliver was laid out on Dean's chest as he peacefully snored. Alaina placed her hands over her mouth and let her tears flow.

“My boys,” she said softly and then quickly took a picture with her phone “my handsome boys.”

Once dinner was prepped and ready to go, Alaina changed into baby doll lingerie with boy shorts that she knew would drive Dean insane. She added a little bit of makeup to accentuate her features and pulled her hair into a high ponytail like she knew he liked. She added a pair of nude heels with black lace detail on them and silk ribbons around the ankles. She stood in the mirror and admired herself, satisfied with what she saw, she grinned and strutted downstairs to wait for him.

At ten past six, she heard Dean park his car in the garage and heard him come through the door that lead from the house to the garage.

“Alaina?” She heard him call as she made him a drink.

“In the kitchen!” She shouted back. He rounded the corner, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. “Hey ya handsome.” She greeted him.

He could only see her from the waist up, but he liked what he saw; he had a mischievous grin playing on his full lips as he looked her up and down. “Something I can help you with?” She asked, playing coy.

“Well,” He said swallowing as his eyes made a second and third pass over her

 “I was looking for my wife, you seen her anywhere?”

Alaina bit her lip and rounded the counter, showing off the rest of her barely there outfit and the heels, making Dean’s breath hitch in his throat.

“She’s occupied,” Alaina responded and handed Dean a glass of whiskey “you know, lawyer stuff.”

Dean accepted the glass and then asked

“And Ollie? Where might he be?”

“With his Aunt Trish.” Alaina answered as they each took a sip of whiskey. “They left about an hour and a half ago.”

“If I didn’t know better,” he said as he finished a sip of whiskey “I would think you’re trying to seduce me.”

Alaina shrugged

“Now, where would you get that idea?” She asked, feigning innocence “I was just making myself comfortable in my own home.”

“Yeah, sure.” He said and leaned into her “Wearing this and shorts that barely cover your ass.”

To make his point, he quickly snapped his hand over the meat of her butt, making her yelp in surprise.

“SIR, I would never tempt a married man like that!” She said with a laugh.

“You are walking temptation baby,” he said with a grin “I’d love to rip that little outfit off you and have you right now, but I’m covered in grease.”

She pouted at this and he said

“Fifteen minutes is all I need, I’ll make it worth your while.”

She looked at the clock and said

“Fifteen minutes and no longer.”

Another grin flashed across his face and he kissed her again.

“Be right back, don’t go anywhere.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” She told him and he walked off, heading up the stairs.

Ten quick minutes later, Dean reappeared, his hair still damp from the shower, wearing jeans and a plain black T-shirt.

“Feel better?” She asked as she handed him a plate.

“Much.” He said and quickly kissed her “AND you made dinner?”

“I finally had the time and energy to make it fresh and not frozen.” She said proudly as she finished making her plate. They sat down at the table together and he said

“This is nice.” In between bites

“It’s the chicken that Jess makes, she said you and Sam like it.” Alaina mentioned as she cut her chicken into a bite sized piece.

“Not what I was talking about,” he said “I mean just you and me actually getting to enjoy a meal together.”

She smirked

“Yeah, there hasn’t been a lot of that has there?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, not really.” He said “Think we can try and make this a regular thing?”

She nodded and said

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.” He told her and reached across the table for her hand. She gave it to him and he squeezed her fingers in his. He turned her hand over, the diamonds on her rings glinting in the fading evening light. He looked at her and said

“Look I know things have been crazy lately, but thanks for hanging in there with me. I really appreciate it.”

She nodded

“Any time,” she told him “I’m glad to help where I can.”

“You’re a huge help,” he said “I was just letting you know, it isn’t going unnoticed.”

She smiled at him and he went on

“You’re a super hero; you make sure Ollie and I are taken care of and that everything in this house runs smoothly. I know it’s a challenge, but you’re amazing.”

“Thank you,” She told him “I needed to hear that. Also, it’s the least I can do; remember when you helped me study for my LSATs?”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head

“I don’t think any amount of brain bleach would ever let me forget that.” He said

She laughed

“Thanks to your help, I got into one of my choice schools and now here I am.” She told him “Now it’s my turn to do the same for you.”

He nodded and handed her a folded up piece of paper from his pocket.

“Is this a Maury moment?” Alaina asked “Is this gonna tell me I am the father?”

At first Dean have her a bitchy look and then it dissolved into laughter.

“Just read it!” He exclaimed as she started to laugh “You jackass!”

She took the paper from his hand and said

“You’d be so bored if I wasn’t around.”

He rolled his eyes as she opened it and read it silently.

Dear Mr. Winchester,

We are pleased to offer you a second interview at Parker and Son’s Trucking at 9:30 am on Tuesday (3/23) morning. We look forward to seeing you then.

Kind Regards,

Zachariah Motes, Senior Recruiter

Alaina’s mouth dropped open and she exclaimed

“OH MY GOD DEAN!” she excitedly hugged him around the neck. “Wait, when did you have a first interview?” she asked as she pulled back from him.

“Last Tuesday,” he told her “I didn’t wanna get your hopes up so I didn’t tell you. You’re not mad are you?”

She shook her head

“No, well I’m a little miffed, but it’s fine.” She told him “Do they know you’re not certified?”

He nodded as she sat back down.

“Yeah; they know,” he said “but they liked me so they gave me an interview. He said he felt like I was a good fit so that’s why he started the interview process.”

Alaina was beaming

“I’m so proud of you,” she told him “I mean it.” She cupped his cheek in her hand “I KNEW you could do it.”

He looked like he was about to bust from happiness.

“It doesn’t mean I got the job,” he said, trying to shrug it off “just that I got a second interview.”

“That’s further than you’ve gotten with anyone else,” she reminded him “and that’s a good thing.”

An easy smile drifted across his face.

“Thank you,” He told her and bit his lip, drawing a shaky breath “it means a lot.”

“What does?” She asked him, cocking her head to the side.

“That you believe in me.” He said quietly “I don’t think anyone has ever had as much faith in me to the extent that you have. So, thank you.”

She grinned at him

“I love you.” She told him and they kissed

“I love you too.” He answered when their kiss ended.

He immediately dove back in for another, which she obliged.

“Get over here,” he practically growled “sit that sexy ass in my lap.”

She chuckled as she got up and walked over to him as he scooted his chair back from the table. She straddled him, her hands on his shoulders.

“Like this?” She asked innocently

He bit his lip as his hands snaked up the back of her thighs.

“Mh,” he sighed and pulled her closer, her chest flush against his “yeah, that’ll work.”

They kissed deeply as her hands slid up to his neck and then the sides of his face.

“What do you want?” She asked as they kissed. He pulled back as he squeezed her butt.

“That depends,” he said and kissed her again “is my good girl gonna come out to play?”

A shiver ran down her spine as he clapped a hand over her butt. She cried out in surprise and pleasure and then nodded.

“I’ve been a good girl,” she told him “I wore this just for you.” She picked up the hem of the baby doll outfit and showed it off.

“Mh,” he moaned in appreciation “yes you did. Though I have to ask, what’s the occasion?”

“I just wanted you to come home and take care of me.” She said with a pout.

He gave her a boop on the nose with his fingertip.

“Can’t have my good girl taking care of herself when that’s my job.” He admitted and gave her a smile. He wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood up and carried her to their bedroom. He set her down and gave her ass another good smack, making her cry out.

“Trust me?” He asked her

“Of course.” She told him.

He walked her over to the bed, holding her hand as he did so. He made her sit down before holding her face in his hands.

“What’s the safe word baby?” He asked

“Red.” She told him

“That’s a good girl.” He said and kissed her forehead. He left her and walked over to her side of the bed. He opened the drawer and pulled out the eye mask that she wore when she went to sleep. It had a black, silk like material on the inside, the outside had blue material of the same quality and was embossed with suns, moons and constellations. He walked over to her and said

“That’s enough for you right now.”

He placed the elastic part of the eye mask around her head and then drew the material over her eyes, rendering her blind. In an instant, her other senses heightened. She waited until she felt the baby doll being taken off of her. She held her arms up to help him as he discarded the garment. The house had been filled with sunshine that day; so some of the sun’s remaining heat filled the room. It wasn’t too hot or too cold. He gently pushed her shoulders back and made her lay on the bed, her feet dangling over the edge.

“Mh,” he said as he bit his lip “you’re a sight sweetheart.”

She let out a shaky breath as she felt his finger tips gently ghost over her skin. He seemed to be every where and no where all at the same time. She squirmed in anticipation as he used his knee to part her legs further. She felt his body heat close to her as his lips barely touched her skin.

“God!” She moaned out quietly.

He tutted at her

“Behave,” he told her “good things come to patient girls.” She pouted and she heard him chuckle “Don’t make me tie you up baby,” he warned “I don’t want to be mean to you.”

She groaned and backed down. He could edge her like nobody’s business and she didn’t want to push him.

“Yes sir.” She answered

She felt him lean over her, feeling his mouth inches from hers.

“There’s my good girl.” He practically purred and gave her a slow and deep kiss. He took her wrists and placed her hands on the back of his head where she let her fingers roam through his hair. His tongue worked its way into her mouth, dancing with hers as she shivered with need.

“Something wrong?” He asked innocently

“No sir.” she answered as she felt his hands graze over her skin in the same, barely there fashion as before. His finger tips traced along the waistband of he boy shorts she was wearing as he bit her lip. She moaned and he kissed down her jaw and up to her ear.

“As much as I love bending you over the counter,” he said and kissed her “pinning you against the wall in the bathroom, having you on your desk at work or even in the back seat of my car, I miss taking my time with you.” He bit down on her earlobe gently and she cried out “And finding every little spot that draws those little sighs and moans out of you.” He kissed down the side of her neck and found the spot an inch below her ear and gave it a gentle bite.

“OH!” She cried out as he licked over the bite mark he’d just made and chuckled.

“There’s one,” he said as he worked his way down her body, palming her breasts as he kissed all over her belly, making her throw her head back.

“Dean,” she moaned impatiently “mh, come on FUCK ME already!”

He tutted at her

“Not good manners baby.” He said “Now, I have to spank you.”

She groaned, even she had forgotten what it was like for him to take his time.

“I’m sorry!” She said as he rolled her on to her stomach. He grabbed her ankles and yanked her down so that she was bent over the bed and her feet on the floor.

“MH!” He moaned as he took in the view. Her legs were spread open, wearing nothing but boy shorts and the high heels. “I could get used this view.” He yanked her panties down and off of her, tossing them elsewhere in the room. “Even better.” He said and let his fingers roll up he spine. She bit her lip, using all her will power not to squirm. “You get two spankings baby,” he told her “and I want you to count.”

“Yes sir.” She answered

His fingers roamed back down to the small of her back and then moved away. She felt his hand clap over her behind and she cried out

“AH! One!”

The second came in quickly behind the first and she cried out again.

“Two!”

She heard him let out a growl and he bent over her, his chest against her back.

“Good girl.” He said in her ear before giving the cartilage a bite. She let out a whimper as the sensation shot straight to her core, he straightened up and then said “Lay on the bed, on your back, head against the pillows.”

She scrambled to comply; when she had done as he asked, she heard the rustling of fabric and could only assume he was taking his clothes off too. This was further confirmed when she heard the zipper on his jeans come undone. She felt movement at the end of the bed, but she didn’t move. She felt his body heat above her as he used his hands to part her legs and he groaned in appreciation.

“Look at you, you’re all wet for me baby.”

She nodded and said

“Yes sir.” She answered.

He kissed from her hip bones, up her belly and over her breasts, licking and sucking on her nipples until they stood up and she was a moaning mess under him. His lips made their way up her collar bone and neck before reaching her lips. When they connected, he said between kisses

“You can touch me sweetheart.”

She let her hands slide through his hair that he had grown out a little bit, her fingers becoming tangled in his dirty blonde locks. He snaked his arms around her, pressing his chest up against hers, moaning as she lightly tugged on his hair. She ran her hands down the back of his head and neck until she reached his shoulders, their kisses becoming more and more heated. He worked his mouth down her body again until he was laying between her legs. He threw her legs over his shoulders as he licked up her slit, making her gasp.

“Oh god.” She moaned, drawing out each syllable as he held her hips.

“Be still and I’ll reward you.” He said as he kissed her inner thighs.

“Yes sir!” She managed to cry out

He used his tongue on her clit and then added in his fingers, pumping them inside her, alternating between fast and slow motions. She cried out and gripped the sheets above her head. Without her vision, she was forced to rely on her other senses, which seemed to be going haywire. He sealed his mouth over her clit and sucked hard, making her scream.

“Oh FUCK!” She yelled and fought every instinct in her body that told her to move, to thrust her hips up into his fingers and chase the orgasm that seemed to be just out of reach. She rocked her head from side to side, melting into a mewling mess as he continued.

“Oh my fucking god, DEAN!” She screamed, his fingers digging into her hips.

“That’s my good girl,” he cooed “staying still like you’re told.”

“Please, please, may I come? Please Dean, let me come!” She breathlessly begged and he groaned.

“Fuck sweetheart, you keep talking like that and I’ll let you have whatever you want.” He said

“Please, may I come?” She asked, still fighting to stay still.

“You may,” be said “and you may move.”

She shamelessly rode his fingers and tongue until her orgasm came crashing over her like a tidal wave, a mix of moans, screams and his name falling out of her mouth in quick succession. When her body relaxed, she felt him crawl up her body and yank the mask off. She groaned as the sudden intrusion of light, but when Dean’s face came into focus, she smiled. He looked pleased with himself as he licked his lips and fingers.

“That was hot.” She struggled to say between breaths and he nodded.

“Very,” He said and his eyebrows shot up in a suggestive manner “another?” He asked.

“God yes.” She said and he got on his hands and knees above her. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her, his cloth covered erection pressing into her totally soaked pussy. She ran her hands up and down his strong back, her nails scratching into his shoulders as he let out an almost primal growl.

“Baby,” he warned “this will be over quick if you keep that up.”

“I like driving you crazy.” She told him as she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and gave it a playful bite.

“God damn it woman.” He said and began lavishing her neck with kisses “Are you TRYING to get me to fuck you senseless?” He asked in her ear.

“Well,” She said and let out a surprised squeak as he bit her pulse point “I wanted to fuck YOU senseless but we seem to be at an agreement.”

He pulled back and studied her face for a second before nodding.

“On your hands and knees Mrs. Winchester.” He commanded, his green eyes piercing any ounce of self control she had left. She did as he commanded and heard him strip off his underwear. He spread her legs wide and pushed fully inside her in one stroke. She cried out and he hissed as his fingers held he leaned hips tightly.

“Fuck!” He yelled as he started to pump into her. She popped her hips up into him and he grinned “Mh, you naughty girl.”

“All for you handsome.” She said over her shoulder.

He bit his lip

“Oh, I want some more of that.” He said and released her hips. She continued as she started, popping her butt up into him as he enjoyed the view. “Fuck baby, all this for me?”

“Yes!” She cried “ALL for you!”

He yanked her up by the shoulder, her back pressed up against his chest as he slid an arm across her chest and used his hand to tilt her head up into the crook between his neck and shoulder. His free hand pressed into her clit, rubbing it in slow, deliberate circles as he mercilessly pounded into her. She ran her hands up her belly and cupped her breasts, tweaking the nipples between her fingers.

“There’s my good girl,” he rasped in her ear as he watched “oh fuck, my good girl’s putting on a show for me.”

She squirmed under their touch, crying out as her walls clenched around him.

“Fuck Dean, I’m close!” She yelled

“Don’t stop baby,” he told her “keep going.”

They both continued on, the sound of skin hitting skin becoming more and more harsh as she screamed. “That’s it, that’s-oh FUCK!” He yelled as he let go deep inside her, his hands gripping her tightly as he filled her up. She let out one final scream and exploded around him, her juices soaking his lap as they both panted. They fell on to the bed in a heap, both of them breaking hard and their nerves overly charged. They laid there until their breathing evened out and she rolled to face him. His arms were stretched out above his head and he seemed to be staring off into space.

“You okay?” She asked him.

He blinked and then looked at her, a lazy smile crossing his face. He let his fingertips roll down her shoulder; the setting sun casting a pink and orange glow on her skin. Here she was, the girl of his dreams that became the mother to their child and now she was his wife.

“Finally,” he thought “I have everything I ever wanted.”

He nodded “Yes,” He said “I’m fine, better than fine.”

Her grin mirrored his and she gave him a slow kiss, loving kiss.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I REALLY hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did writing it. I’m truly pleased with how everything turned out!

Kind feedback is always welcomed and appreciated; feel free to share, like, comment and follow if you want! My boxes are open, so if you have a request or any questions, drop me a line!

The Squad:

@waywardbaby @waywardnerd67 @familybusinesswritingbro @ain-t-bovvered @mrswhozeewhatsis @girlborninstorms @dacleverfox @emoryhemsworth @bobasheebaby @salvachester @myinconnelly1 @mogaruke @imma-winchester-addict @theworldiscolorful @dean-winchesters-bacon @animerose96 @l8nit-l0vr

His Good Girl:

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